Tumgik
#Tumblr is just really tedious when it comes to finding them all
ell-arts · 11 months
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Excuse me, I hope Im not bothering you, but I have a couple questions on some of the things you would prefer when it comes to the fandom.
When it comes to dark or twisted au's that other writers create, would you prefer something more just a real 'what if' like 'An Interesting Arrangement' from @ribbondee ? Or would you dig deeper into something that would show more of a dark side to the characters like the 'Amnesia' segment from @cartooncadet666 ?
And of course the only other question I have right now (hence why I said a couple questions) When it comes to the art style diversity, what kinds of art have you seen the fandom make and if you have any favorites, which ones do you love the most?
Not bothering at all 💙
Interesting questions. I have to start off with saying that, ultimately, what I "prefer and not prefer" about the fandom should not be an indication of whether someone's work is good or not, nor should it bar the fandom from creating whatever they want. I have my own tastes and preferences just as much as the next person, and naturally we're all drawn to work that mostly aligns with our tastes/preferences.
Your first question is whether or not I would be more drawn towards an au exploring a character's dark side, or towards one with a 'what-if' scenario. My answer to that is that it depends on the content.
I like both dark au's and what-if au's, it just depends on how well they are written, and sometimes it also depends on the characters. I know this is going to break a lot of hearts, but since Betrayus is not my favourite character, I'd feel less inclined to check out a work centred completely around him in favour of checking out a work that features my favourite characters. This is not the be-all-end-all though, sometimes a work can pleasantly surprise me even if it doesn't have my favourite characters. It really all comes down to writing.
And as for your second question, hmm. A tricky one. I'd say that most of the fandom's art styles are generally cartoonish/2D stylised, but there's a wide swath of diversity within that category. If you show me a list of artworks in the fandom then I can easily point them out and name the artists behind them (at least on Tumblr), which is great because it shows that each artist has a recognisable style. I really don't like choosing favourites though, so I'd rather show you a list of pmatga artists whose styles I really enjoy, if that's okay!
@anti-cosmofangirl @inkteresting-art @ninjastar107 @pacgacha @breezoreceiver @toad-in-a-trenchcoat @xelys-xlys @ghostbunnyarts @famitendo @polina-quail @ask-nova-valentine @slumbergoblin
There are others, but these are the ones I can name on top of my head and who are generally still active (or actively posting pmatga art). I'm sure there are also a bunch of hidden gems out there that I've yet to stumble upon!
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solarsturniolo · 1 month
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pls post an in depth tutorial on ur text messages bc when i try to they always turn green but im like nono i want blue
Of course!
Here’s an in-depth tutorial of how i do my text messages!
(Whether they’re green or blue isn’t really something i know how to control, i just know that mine come back blue when i text myself.)
1. Make your phone number a contact in your phone!
Obviously, you’ll want it to be the name of whoever you’re texting as well as their contact photo. In this instance, we will use Chris, just because he was the last one I used.
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2. Go into your iMessage app and start a new conversation with your contact!
You can look it up by number or by name, i find it easier to do it by name!
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3. Start texting!
The most fun part; coming up with an idea and playing both roles. I like to make certain changes to make them seem more realistic and to differentiate between the reader and whoever they’re talking to! For instance, i ALWAYS make Matt and Chris use lowercase format. Their messages NEVER start with an uppercase letter so that i can easily tell which messages to delete when i’m going through them. I also make Matt and Chris use the wrong versions of your/you’re and there/their/they’re sometimes since they have a history of being grammatically incorrect.
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4. The most frustrating part is having to delete some messages.
Remember: you’re texting your own number. These messages have nowhere else to go except back to you! So you’ll have to go through and manually select which ones to delete to make the conversation make sense! (I have had to start over on SEVERAL of these because of one message that i deleted on the wrong side, so take the time to pay close attention to which messages you are deleting! I literally had to redo my example ones 💀)
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5. Review and make sure it all looks good!
Usually if I have longer ones, i like to make sure there’s enough conversation to make two separate screenshots without too much layover in the second one. Too much layover can cause confusion and make the reader less interested in the conversation. One or two messages is okay, just so the reader remembers where they left off at, but i try to keep it at three MAX.
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6. Screenshot!
I like to keep the time, wifi, and battery percentage out of mine, personally, but you don’t have to crop them if it’s not important to you!
7. Delete!
I always delete the conversation once i’m done with that particular prompt, so as to not confuse myself when i’m making a new one!
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8. Format the post!
Once i have 8-10 really good ones, i set up my format on tumblr and upload the pictures. Make sure the conversations are in the right order and then do your tags and stuff and you’re done!
The process can be tedious, but its not super complicated! Have fun making texts!!
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cuties-in-codices · 6 months
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Where do you find these manuscripts? Is it like a website or do you find it randomly??
hey, thanks for the curiosity! lenghty answer below the cut :)
1)
medieval manuscripts are typically owned by libraries and showcased on the library's websites. so one thing i do is i randomly browse those digitized manuscript collections (like the collections of the bavarian state library or the bodleian libraries, to name just two), which everybody can do for free without any special access. some digital collections provide more useful tools than others (like search functions, filters, annotations on each manuscript). if they don't, the process of wading through numerous non-illustrated manuscripts before i find an illustrated one at all can be quite tedious.
2)
there are databases which help to navigate the vast sea of manuscripts. the one i couldn't live without personally use the most is called KdIH (Katalog der deutschsprachigen illustrierten Handschriften des Mittelalters). it's a project which aims to list all illustrated medieval manuscripts written in german dialects. the KdIH provides descriptions of the contents of each manuscript (with a focus on the illustrations), and if there's a digital reproduction of a manuscript available anywhere, the KdIH usually links to it. the KdIH is an invaluable tool for me because of its focus on illustrated manuscripts, because of the informations it provides for each manuscript, and because of its useful search function (once you've gotten over the initial confusion of how to navigate the website). the downside is that it includes only german manuscripts, which is one of the main reasons for the over-representation of german manuscripts on my blog (sorry about that).
3)
another important database for german manuscripts in general (i.e. not just illustrated ones) is the handschriftencensus, which catalogues information regarding the entirety of german language manuscripts of the middle ages, and also links to the digital reproductions of each manuscript.
4)
then there are simply considerable snowball effects. if you do even just superficial research on any medieval topic at all (say, if you open the wikipedia article on alchemy), you will inevitably stumble upon mentions of specific illustrated manuscripts. the next step is to simply search for a digital copy of the manuscript in question (this part can sometimes be easier said than done, especially when you're coming from wikipedia). one thing to keep in mind is that a manuscript illustration seldom comes alone - so every hint to any illustration at all is a greatly valuable one (if you do what i do lol). there's always gonna be something interesting in any given illustrated manuscript. (sidenote: one very effective 'cheat code' would be to simply go through all manuscripts that other online hobbyist archivers of manuscript illustrations have gone through before - like @discardingimages on tumblr - but some kind of 'professional pride' detains me from doing so. that's just a kind of stubbornness though. like, i want to find my material more or less on my own, not just the images but also the manuscripts, and i apply arbitrary rules to my search as to what exactly that means.)
5)
whatever tool or strategy i use to find specific illustrated manuscripts-- in the end, one unavoidable step is to actually manually skim through the (digitized) manuscript. i usually have at least a quick look at every single illustrated page, and i download or screenshot everything that is interesting to me. this process can take up to an hour per manuscript.
---
in conclusion, i'd say that finding cool illuminated manuscripts is much simpler than i would have thought before i started this blog. there are so many of them out there and they're basically just 'hidden in plain side', it's really astounding. finding the manuscripts doesn't require special skills, just some basic experience with/knowledge of the tools available. the reason i'm able to post interesting images almost daily is just that i spend a lot of time doing all of this, going through manuscripts, curating this blog, etc. i find a lot of comfort in it, i learn a lot along the way, and i immensely enjoy people's engagement with my posts. so that's that :)
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astronomodome · 9 months
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Tumblr Poll Tournaments & MCYT
So a while ago I made a post expressing my frustration with the way a lot of tumblr poll tournaments seem to exclude mcyt characters- or if they are included, people in the notes are rude about it. The first situation of these- the poll organizer including rules against submitting characters from mcyt- is something I can easily quantify. I've crunched some numbers in order to find out two things:
How common is this phenomenon, really?
Why does this happen in the first place?
A note before I start: I'm not blaming the poll organizers for this, and I don't want anyone to get angry at them for excluding mcyt. At the end of the day, it's up to them to curate what they want their poll to be, and if they don't want to deal with the toxicity that often comes with letting mcyt characters run (or if they just don't like it for whatever reason), that's their decision. Trust me- poll organizers have to put up with a lot of shit already, and I don't want to add to it, regardless of their opinions on mcyt. If any poll organizers recognize their own words in the later part of this overview, they can contact me and I'll remove it. This is also why I have chosen not to identify the blogs from which I took the examples- I mean no harm to any poll organizer. They are a symptom of a much larger problem and they haven't done anything wrong except be a little misinformed at worst.
Excluding mcyt characters from poll tournaments really isn't that big of a deal on its own- though it is frustrating- but it does speak to the larger attitude of the general tumblr population towards mcyt. While not without its flaws, this can be used as a metric to measure the extent of this attitude and maybe get a hint of why it exists.
...Please note, also, that most of these polls date back to around March-June 2023, when poll tournaments were a big thing on Tumblr. Not super outdated, but I still should note that opinions might have changed since then.
Also also, be warned that there are examples below of some organizers being pretty toxic! It's not a whole lot, but if you don't want to expose yourself to that, maybe pass on this post!
With that out of the way, let's get started.
Part One: The Numbers
The first thing I decided to do was figure out a rough percentage of how many poll tournaments have a rule that excludes mcyt characters from being submitted. To get a sample batch of poll blogs, I used one of the blogs that pits the winners of tournaments against each other and checked each blog included in that. This ended up being a more tedious process than I had thought, since there's a lot of variation in the way poll organizers, well, organize. I ended up with 123 blogs sorted into three categories.
The first category included tournaments where a rule for or against mcyt characters wouldn't really make sense, for a variety of reasons. Most commonly, the tournament was between letters of the alphabet or animo acids or government agencies, not fictional characters, so I counted them out. There were also a handful of blogs where the contestants were determined by the organizer, not by nomination at all. Combined, blogs that did not fit my criteria made up 60/123 of my samples.
The second and third categories were the blogs that either had a rule against mcyt characters, or didn't. Most of the blogs I looked through had rules I could find, and some were more thorough about it than others. For my purposes, I counted the blog as a no only if they explicitly had a rule against mcyt characters, or clarified later that they weren't allowed. Most poll blogs didn't mention mcyt at all. (This will become relevant later.)
Of the 63 blogs that fit my criteria, 11 (17.5%) of them had a rule against mcyt characters, while the remaining 52 (82.5%) did not.
To me, this seems like pretty good news! I had honestly expected the percentage of blogs that excluded mcyt to be much higher. This is definitely a good sign! But I wouldn't really jump to assuming that mcyt characters would actually be accepted in all of these blogs. I will explain this in the next part of my research.
Part Two: The Examples
The second thing I wanted to find out with this research was why organizers end up having rules against mcyt in the first place. Is it just the bad reputation the mcyt space has (largely a result of one green man in particular)? Let's look at a few examples of poll rules against mcyt characters. Some of them are from my sample blogs and some of them aren't.
Type 1: Not understanding the difference between real people and characters in mcyt
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The majority of the rules against mcyt I saw were of this type, and honestly, it's pretty reasonable. It's a pretty major debate in the mcyt community over whether mcyts' characters are separate enough from their content creators to count as fictional. However, there are a considerable number of mcyt characters who are explicitly stated to be different from their cc in the same way as a character in a movie played by an actor is different from the actor playing them. Excluding all mcyt characters for being 'real people' is just incorrect, though I can kinda understand where the organizers were coming from with this one.
It should also be noted that the vast majority of poll blogs had a rule against submitting real people. There's a possibility that some poll organizers might have lumped mcyt characters as real people even if they didn't specify it explicitly. Therefore, an attempt to actually submit an mcyt character into one of these tournaments might be against the rules based on what the organizer thinks. I have no way to quantify this, which is why I said earlier that the results of my initial test might not be accurate.
Type 2: 'Problematic fandom' (toxicity warning for some of these)
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This type of rule is usually broader than just mcyt, but lumps it in with other fandoms known for being associated with bigotry (often hp, which is... yeah i'm definitely not going to argue in favor of harry potter but yikes. really? we're as bad as terfy potter? really.) At least one of them let dsmp characters in with the exception of dream, which is a lot fairer than... some of the others.
If we want to give the organizers benefit of the doubt here, we can say that these rules are made to keep the poll less toxic than it would be otherwise... but to be perfectly honest, some of these might be more about that phenomenon of purity culture that has had a habit of popping up in fandom spaces since forever. That's a whole other conversation I'm not ready to have now, but it comes as no surprise to me that mcyt has become a little taboo in some places (likely to a large extent because of dream and all the drama he's generated). There's also no telling whether the poll organizers in these cases even know that there are other smps besides dsmp... but that's besides the point, since there are other dsmp characters that aren't associated with dream at all. Excluding them reveals a misconception about the mcyt genre anyway. And of course, I think we can all agree that some of these are just pretty rude.
Which brings us to our conclusion.
I feel like a lot of the toxicity towards mcyt as a genre and mcyt characters boils down to people either not really understanding what mcyt is (i.e. mcyt -> minecraft youtubers -> real people) or hearing stuff about dream and assuming the entire mcyt space is reflective of that. Of course, it's a frustrating issue that some people think this way. I think it's nice to be reminded, though, that this sort of thing isn't very widespread. Alongside the bad examples, I saw a lot of organizers confronting their preconceived notions: one organizer let in an mcyt character after admitting their 'unfamiliarity with the source material', another allowed mcyt characters 'on the condition that you can explain how they are a separate character' and a few others fiercely defended mcyt characters against toxicity in their polls. Every day we grow as a community and we can't let a few people with misguided notions of what we are keep us down. Keep watching, keep creating, and as Zedaph once said, It's okay to be silly!
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jizzlords · 2 months
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What caused you to start writing? What was your key point?
What are the trends when it comes to writing that you adore?
What people make you happy when you see them on the dash?
1 ─ HM. THAT'S ... A GOOD QUESTION... I remember playing pretend as a kid, it was possibly something of a kick-starter for me. this sounds so dorky now but we'd act as characters from movies we watched. I'd be way into my role.
I moved away and never really found that again with other people until finding writing rp online as a teenager. the ability to make an account specifically for a favorite character and play the role like before only online was nice. I met so many people with a common interest a lot quicker. someone liked my portrayal on another platform so much, they referred me to tumblr and the rest is history. maybe I was meant to be a theater kid in another life, idk.
2 ─ I kind of like the trend of how people stylize their writing. it's definitely, 100% not mandatory but there are so many creative layouts. it's tedious to some, which I understand. but I think it's easier versus how some feel pressured to do graphic work when we're all here to write.
3 ─ MAN ... @videoaux, @r-adio, @gctchell, @clwngasm, @fizzarollitm, @yukikorogashi, @auntiecannibal, @redemptsin, @pridefell, @polardestiny, @voxistem, @xluciifer, @g1utton, @hoteliisms, @hotelbitches, @helluvaflames, @k1ttyb0t, @ladiesofhell, @zestials, @vanaglcria, @bloominghands, @maimedaffair, @meandtheyeehaws, @hellshoard just to name a few.
thank you!
tentative mun q&a
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idrellegames · 10 months
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You're so strong for dealing with all these incredibly repetitive asks. I'm sure that it can be frustrating to deal with and it's more than appreciated that you keep answering people's questions. Thank you for sharing Wayfarer with us!
I do really try to give my audience as much grace as I can. Not everyone scours my blog for previously answered asks. Not everyone knows where the FAQ is - and even if they do, not everyone thinks to read it before sending a question to my inbox. We're all busy, we've all got things going on! And if multiple people have the same idea and want to reach out to me about it, that's genuinely a really good thing. It's amazing when players are excited!
Repeat asks can be a bit tedious after a while, but they come from a good place so I don't want to criticize anyone for that. The game is big - some players have been around for a couple of years, others are just finding it. If someone sends me something that has been rehashed again and again, I don't want to put their experience down just because it is my 100th time hearing about it. My inbox is never this busy, so it's really heartwarming that there's so much activity right now.
Of course there are things that I personally find draining (if I sound a little annoyed whenever I have to restate that "Wayfarer isn't a romance game", this is why 😅), but I try to rein that in as much as possible and redirect it. And of course I am always appreciative of folks who do read the FAQ or the ask guidelines first.
The one thing I will mention, though, is that my blog does run on a queue. With the amount of asks I am receiving, my queue is backlogged for a couple of weeks. If you haven't seen your ask answered, chances are it is in the queue and it hasn't been posted yet - no need to resend it (although I also know that tumblr can be finnicky and sometimes asks disappear into the void).
And it goes without saying that I'm not obligated to answer everything. Some asks get deleted; others stay in my inbox for months because I want to answer them at some point, but the question requires more thought and consideration than I can currently give it.
I answer the ones I answer not because I have to, but because I want to.
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7 & 20 for asoiaf/f&b
okay, back to haterism! thanks for the asks, I actually had a response typed up the other day but then my computer restarted randomly and tumblr didn't save my post. So here's take 2.
#7 what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how fandom acts about them?
So there are a lot of candidates for this one, and it's probably more because of the shows than the books to be honest. I'd have to say pretty much all of the Targaryen characters, but particularly Dany, Rhaenyra, and Daemon. These characters are fine in and of themselves, but their fans often really really miss the point when it comes to the Targaryen family and Old Valyria. Like, Valyria is not supposed to be aspirational! Dragons are cool, I get it, but the segment of the fandom leaning into blood purity discourse unironically has genuinely lost the plot, and that segment definitely has some overlap with the equally misguided portion of the fandom fandom that thinks the Targaryens are the progressive feminist alternative to the dirty smelly old Westerosi houses. Sometimes I feel like these people read an entirely different series (or more likely, watched entirely different shows).
#20 part of canon you find tedious or boring?
In asoiaf (and this is probably a kind of basic answer), but Bran's chapters. There's just so much traipsing about and it takes a long time for that to develop into anything really, and while there is some payoff eventually, it just takes so long to get there and in the books we still haven't even gotten to the Hodor stuff. And in F&B it's got to be Aegon III's regency which manages to be both really depressing and really boring at the same time.
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acidheaddd · 3 months
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My first sim upload! And wow, it was kind of a pain as I keep a lot of my CC merged, so I had to try and find a lot of it manually. 😅 But here she is, the first born of Binx Crain and Tomax Collette! I plan to upload her twin siblings as well, but it might be awhile before I do, considering how tedious this was.
Some notes:
Poppy comes with only her everyday outfit to cut down on CC. I've included everything she needs in the .zip, including my defaults that she uses. You don't have to use the defaults, but I'd recommend it.
This is really important: I've changed the filenames of some of the CC used, mainly for easier sorting for me. I also might have changed categories of certain skin details, so it's best you check if you already have them -- in case you want to use my version or the original. The CC itself isn't altered, just the category it's placed in.
When you open her up in game, it'll probably tell you some CC is missing, but don't worry, so long as you've installed all her CC, she should be fine.
I think that's about it! Feel free to use her in your legacies, as a townie, whatever you want, but if you do use her, please tag me on tumblr! I'd love to see her in other people's games!
Download on Simfileshare
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guideoftime · 1 month
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💕x 5
Five amazing people please follow them! Everyone deserves love!
▴ — @ourowndemise ;; Kohi, Ganon's carrd! One half of the most interesting gay dynamic I get to watch. I find you very interesting to watch, and the very long very detailed bio you have for your Ganon facinating. I know we haven't interacted or talked and part of that is my fault (I saw when you reached out and I at that time was really struggling RL and just never got back to your message I am so sorry) but I would really really like to try and figure out how Sheik and Ganon can interact. But outside of that I love seeing what you and Al come up with for Ganon and Kohga. I think they're absolutely adorable when they interact.
▴ — @rage-reloaded ;; Eli, muse list! A very, very lovely and very talented individual that I have completely screwed up with because of my inability to focus lately and respond to poor Ravio. The asks that Eli has answered for me have been on point and fantastic. Ravio is one of my favorite Zelda characters and he is my favorite "version" of Link. I know it gets complicated with him being a mirror conterpart for Link but I firmly believe him to be a "Link" and a "Hero" no matter what Ravio himself thinks and Eli plays him wonderfully in what I have seen. I really want to interact with you and him more, I would love to get a thread with him going properly or just to talk! To work out a plot for the two of them! Thank you so much for still following me and always feel free to pester Sheik too with whatever you want! You are a joy to see on my dash and the art I've seen you do is lovely too!
▴ — @devotedsheikah ;; Liz & Impa's Carrd. A very new friend, a very new follower, admittedly I have not played much of AOC to know a lot about this Impa and her character but what I have seen of you on the dash has been very entertaining! Sheik will always have respect for Impa regardless of the universe she is in and I truly do believe the two of them can have a very lovely familial relationship if you're ever interested in talking things out about them!
▴ — @twilitae / @legacyshero ;; Kheppie & Twi's carrd , Wild's carrd. You are a very lovely and interesting individual. I mean the interesting part in the most positive way possible too. Everything you make is so visually appealing and beautiful to look at, your graphics, icons, and even the formating you do on your blogs is incredible. I can't even begin to imagine the work that goes into all of that, I can't even be bothered to format a different color of font than the options tumblr gives us because it's so tedious to me. So I entirely admire the dedication and work that goes into doing all of that. On another note, your style of writing is very creative and eye catching. The poetic aspect of it is very admirable and I know I could never write that way personally it is pleasing to read. Despite following each other for (maybe a year at this point) we haven't had the chance to write together and I really hope at some point we do, or just to plot something out! I love seeing you on the dash and the things you do!
▴ — @skygraced ;; Rinn & Zelda's carrd! Welcome back! You and Bianca are the entire reason I have attempted to play Skyward Sword (despite struggling to stare at Link's big puffy lips and wanting to choke Fi out). I knew absolutely nothing about that game and from playing it I haven't really learned much more than I started with, so I can firmly say that the context and actual plot you guys have to play off of really doesn't seem like much and what you have taken from all of that and run with is incredible. I love seeing you on the dash, I love the little banter that Sheik and Zelda have developed and whenever you finally settle and back I would love to have an actual thread go! I think Zelda and Sheik can have really adorable interactions with their shared love of the harp. After we get past his panic over her being an actual goddess.
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kujojotarolover · 2 years
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I posted these on my Ao3 the other day, so I decided to finally indulge my need for a Tumblr Fic Blog. The fluff prompts are originally by @ / snk-warriors ! 
cw: Absolute and total fluff. Mentions of angst / comfort. Brief mention of smoking. Reader-Insert. Awkward Kujo Jotaro. 
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A ctivities - Jotaro enjoys low-energy things, such as sitting alone in a space together and existing. Maybe there’s music playing, possibly some sort of podcast. Or maybe just a cheesy movie. It doesn’t really matter and he’s pretty fluid in terms of what media he’ll consume. He probably enjoys reading aloud topics about things he’s fixated on, like wildlife / nature / environmental issues. He knows a lot of trivia and he enjoys beginning a random thesis if a topic happens to come up. Jotaro doesn’t mind high-energy activities, like going out on the town and walking around or maybe just doing something like a fair. It’s just that it’s easier for the two of you to silently communicate when it’s just the both of you.
B eauty - Visually, beauty isn’t important to Jotaro. Physical appearances, the human body… it’s nothing. It all fades away eventually. And he’s so used to having people perceive him as this handsome and sexually appealing self rather than Kujo Jotaro that Jotaro finds it more taxing than anything to care about looks. What drew him in about his lover is their spark, their fire. The true embers of the personality and soul that came out in their everyday actions: preparing a meal, walking a dog, going to the grocery store… the inconsequential things that no one really cares if they’re catching stares. Jotaro finds the rawness of his lover to be the most beautiful thing about them.
C omfort - He’s not really a man of words, but he is a man of action. If you’re feeling down or suffering an attack, Jotaro would remain by your side silently the whole time. His subtle expressions, whether it be the very slight squeeze of the corners of his eyelids or the way his lips seem to be more taut than normal, convey all of his thoughts and words. A hand on your shoulder or an arm slung around your waist or grasping your hand in a loose hold, that’s how Jotaro would comfort you.
D reams - Unfortunately for Jotaro, the life of a Joestar is not an easy one. He’s more than well aware that it’s his duty to continue discovering the ever-sprawling aftershocks of DIO. He’ll have to balance travel, research, college, family, and a lover at the same time. It’s disheartening, but that’s the way things have to be. Jotaro hopes to remain with his lover and it’ll take a lot of work to stay with one another. Jotaro’s expression is his communication nor does he grasp that people can’t automatically understand what he’s thinking with just a look. You’ll have to learn to read him. Then, maybe then, can Jotaro presume a somewhat normal life. Something in between hectic with Stands and tranquil with a lover.
E qual - As surprising as this is considering how intimidating Jotaro is, he’s more of the passive one. He maybe takes control of situations when they call for it, but he’s still awkward and stand-offish. Not that that means he’s not interested, it just means Jotaro needs to be in a relationship with a kind of sporadic and ready to take the reins kind of person.
F ight - Jotaro doesn’t like fights. He’ll actively avoid them to the point where he’ll just walk away if one gets started. Honestly, Jotaro finds tedious misunderstandings a waste of time and he’d much rather they just talk out the problem without a fight being started. He can handle a snarky quip or two, but don’t try to argue with him. He’ll wait until you want to actually talk and resolve things.
G ratitude - More than you’d ever realize. Jotaro wouldn’t ever express it because that’s just not his style, but once again, pay attention to what he does for you in return. He’s the silent ‘As you wish’ kind of guy. He knows how much you try to understand him, how the two of you just have to share a look to have a whole conversation, what a simple lacing of fingers means. Jotaro may seem oblivious at times, but he knows a true person when he finds one.
H onesty - Jotaro only keeps secrets whenever he thinks the truth may harm his lover. However, that’s usually because Jotaro is able to handle things before they get tough, so there would never be a chance for his lover to have to worry. If he could, Jotaro would probably indulge you, but some things are better left unsaid.
I nspiration - You made Jotaro no longer feel like a toy to be drooled over. You also made Jotaro calm down a little, but maybe that’s because it’s easier to focus on someone you care about so that the world around you can fuzz and fade away. Jotaro had to learn how to not be as dismissive, but he also learned that life is best when you find someone willing to learn the real you. Jotaro also probably makes you feel more confident, stronger, and wiser because he seems to know so much and he seems so aloof. He’s also able to finish his tribulations and that inspires you. When he walks, hands in his pockets and chin pointed to the sky, you understand how to take things slow and easy and how to also step with pride.
J ealousy - Jotaro trusts you. He doesn’t really get jealous. He knows you and understands that you’ve always been upfront about everything. Cheating wouldn’t even be a possibility that crosses his mind.
K iss - Your very first kiss was soft and unexpected. It was one of those kisses that feel like they’re straight from a movie, where time slows and the world goes out of focus and all you can see is one another. One where you lean in carefully, testing the waters, before your lips meet and singing rings in your ears and electricity crackles against the space of your mouths. Jotaro wasn’t experienced by any means, but he wasn’t bad. Jotaro was careful and smooth, and each move of his jaw was like a gentle wave. He wasn’t sloppy and desperate, didn’t make a mess of trying to inhale you or shove his tongue down your throat. It felt like a true first kiss. And every kiss since then has only become more intense and warm.
L ove Confession - Funnily enough, I think your first kiss would be Jotaro’s confession. He doesn’t seem the type to write love letters nor the kind to pull you aside for a speech. The moment was right, your eyes were deep within his, and nothing felt more right than whenever he was with you. After he kissed you, he probably stared at you for a long time and then said something like “Guess this means I’m your boyfriend now, right?” and it was probably really awkward, but you just grinned it off and went along with it.
M arriage - If he’s with the love of his life, of course it would only make sense to stay with that person for eternity. However, marriage is just a contract. If anything, Jotaro would probably be more for having the ceremony and doing that with you. He’d also propose in a not very traditional sense, which would be slipping the ring on your finger first thing in the morning as you’re waking up when the time comes. It’s kind of endearing and you gush about it to everyone once it happens. The marriage would probably be a mix between cultures and traditions, and super remote. He’d only want the most important people there and he’d probably want to skip any boring speeches. Jotaro wants to do vows, exchange the rings, and kiss you into permanence.
N icknames - Jotaro doesn’t do nicknames, or do them very often. He more than likely enjoys saying your real name. However, he’d probably drop the occasional ‘babe’ or ‘my love’. However, he’d internally turn to putty if you hit him with a bunch of gooey and adorable nicknames.
O n Cloud Nine - Jotaro does seem a little softer. Not much, but you can tell he walks as if his lover’s always by his side. It’s not… really obvious for others. Most of the time. If you knew Jotaro, you’d know he was acting a little off but it’d be something you’d smirk at but not say a thing about. Jotaro, once again, doesn’t express well, but touch might be his saving grace here. Hold his hand, link arms, even if all you do is lay your palm against the small of his back - you’ll know Jotaro’s in love.
P DA - Jotaro has no shame nor does he really care what others think. He’ll do what he wants. If you kissed his cheek in public? He’d probably just look away because that’ll kill his cool guy persona, but he doesn’t really care if you’re a little affectionate in public. Just don’t expect him to do anything more than a simple peck on the lips in return. Anything else is for only the two of you in private.
Q uirk - He doesn’t really freak out, so he can always be an anchor of sorts. He’d be able to keep you rational or calm you down if you’re ready to start barking or help keep things under control. Jotaro’s stoicism is a gift.
R omance - Romance also isn’t Jotaro’s style. He’s not going to get all lovey-dovey or get mushy about you, but Jotaro can be sweet in his own ways. He’ll buy you things you like, bring you something that you talked about liking, or maybe even just a simple flower he found on the way to visit you. Or he’ll take you out to places that are discreet and intimate, like a deserted beachside or a secluded forest awning. It doesn’t matter, he just likes when the two of you go together and he can watch your eyes light up.
S upport - If Jotaro can, he’ll do whatever it takes to help your journey of life. He’s a sweet boy, even if he’s a little rude at times, and he cares about the people around him. Jotaro believes in you, even if all you see is a slight smile cross his lips.
T hrill - Routines are the only kind of relationship Jotaro will consider. He doesn’t need to constantly splice up his way of life with you. He’s comfortable with how things are, with how you two are together, with life with you. He doesn’t need new thrills nor does he need to add new style. That just makes things more complicated. Simplicity is best.
U nderstanding - Jotaro is more empathetic than anyone could realize. He sees the best in people and wants to help those in need and/or cares about them (even if they’ve wronged him). Jotaro probably observes you more than you’d realize and that’s why he’s so good at being an anchor. He knows things about you that might come off as creepy, but it’s just because he literally just stared at you. He’s very aware of you and your feelings.
V alue - Relationships, in a romantic sense, have never been a high priority. But, that being said, as a person, you matter a lot to Jotaro. He’s in love with you in every sense of the word and that’s what matters most. Due to that, maybe his relationship with you is an equal priority to all of his other relations. But that doesn’t mean he treats you like an experiment to be thrown away if it all crumbles.
W ild Card - Since you’re the louder and more rambunctious one in the relationship, you probably get the both of you into shenanigans but Jotaro willingly goes along with everything. There’s even a slight upward quirk to one side of his mouth.
X OXO - Jotaro isn’t very affectionate, but he’s probably fairly willing to lots of cuddling. It’s nothing overtly heavy or intense, but he probably enjoys the silence while your arms are wrapped around one another. You’re the one who initiates a lot of the kisses, too, but Jotaro has his moments.
Y earning - If he’s missing you, Jotaro probably goes out for a smoke and looks up to the stars. The quiet, the calm, the world. It reminds him of you, reminds him of his time spent with you. He may seem more distant than usual to the people he’s currently around as well.
Z eal - Of course. If he cares about you, truly and deeply, he’d be willing to go the whole world for you. Life, peril, death, hardships, … Jotaro doesn’t mess around with losing people. He’s lost too many people to not do so.
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fallen-in-dreams · 13 days
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CHAPTER ELEVEN on AO3.
Chapters on Tumblr: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.
Pairing: Gaara/Sakura.
Summary: Her descent into madness came after her friends were all dead and before she was sold off like livestock. To him. He knew a thing or two about madness. And there was peace to be found in the violence of that madness. Even if only for a time. Canon divergence AU.
Rated: Mature.
Chapter word count: 11,885.
Status: Ongoing.
Reminder: the tags/warnings are important.
Warnings: dark themes. Arranged marriage (not what you think). Eventual smut (level and degree of that warning being necessary is subjective). Death. Suicide talk. Self-harm. PTSD – expect some well-known symptoms and some not well-known ones. Please don’t read if you’re triggered by psychological &/or emotional-related trauma and effects.
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Hiya. Hope you're all doing well. :) So, I'm back. And this story is almost done. But I won't be updating every week - it'll be more like 1 or 2 weeks. The reason:
Sometimes chapters just want to get longer and longer and we really have no choice in the matter.
Unlike the last time I wrote out a fic in draft form then posted each chapter a week apart as I edited them, this story is trying to drive me crazy. 4k chapters turned into 6-9k and now THIS chapter is 11k. My editing process is squeezing that number count for all it's worth and it became so much of a chore. I really needed that New Year's break. So yeah, I'm going to slow it down a LITTLE bit. So I don't let it annoy me too much.
And I hope each and every one of you will join me for the rest of the ride. I can't wait to see what you guys think about what's coming. Cheers. :)
Enjoy. ^_^
Tumblr version:
… Chapter Eleven: To Kiss or Not to Kiss. ...
.:.
Oh love, believe me, Nothing ever comes to us easy, The river's never run up to meet me, Gotta find your own way down
-- Oh Love, by Phildel
.:.
How am I supposed to face her now?
Gaara stopped trying to figure women out a long time ago.
His argument with Sakura Haruno that morning weighed heavily on him all day. Whenever Gaara found a quiet moment or his mind would wander, images of pure fury and betrayal hounded him. Her pretty face screwed up in indignation and misery. He couldn’t get over the fact that Sakura had truly thought he was wilfully keeping her from her friends. It was just for a few moments but the level of pain that vibrated through her body still scared him.
Hours later.
Like so much about her already does.
So, he stewed in self-doubt all day, moving on autopilot as he went from council meetings to the lonely hours stuck working through tedious mission reports and high-level security reviews. Councillor Tōjūrō wanted this. Councillor Sajō insisted on that. And Councillor Ebizō inquired about their mutual concerns, via the not-so-silent Anbu they both trusted.
Gaara was beyond relieved when the working day ended, and he was able to leave. Most days, he stayed until late, and other times he simply took his work home. It had not escaped his notice that he worked too much. But what else was there? All he had outside of work were his siblings, and they had their own lives to deal with. So, most of the time, he had no-one.
And now her.
“Sakura!” Temari’s voice interrupted his thoughts as she called up to their house guest. “Dinner’s ready!”
Gaara clasped his hands together to hide the trembling of his fingers when Sakura finally descended the internal staircase for dinner. He forced himself to blink heavily to keep his vision from zoning out. Nerves and anticipation like he’d never felt before plagued him. It took all his willpower to keep from groaning in frustration at the strange feelings.
He watched pensively as Sakura sat down delicately. Swallowing heavily.
Sakura Haruno.
Gaara couldn’t keep his eyes to himself.
“Date her, talk to her, and try to figure out how we can help her in the meantime.”
Ideas began to swirl in his mind. Possibilities.
As the culinary genius of the family, Kankuro had cooked another magnificent meal. He was still in the kitchen, putting on the final touches as Temari started talking about how her own day had been. Since her decision to stay in the village she’d taken over the management of the guards and patrols of the village. Gaara didn’t know if she was trying to improve it or just scare them into line. Regardless, she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, so he gave her free reign to do (almost) whatever she wanted to them.
Temari stood to help Kankuro lay the food on the table. Sakura was staring at a spot close to the internal staircase, her fingers drumming softly on the table.
“Go get that date organised.”
Planning outings was not his thing. He’d never asked anyone on a date before. Expectation hung in the air.
“Let’s eat!” Kankuro yelled.
Dinner had always been a stiff but amicable affair. Every night, they’d sit around the main dining table to partake in one of Kankuro’s chef-level delights, talk would be minimal because they’d be enjoying the food too much to ruin the moment. But inevitably, someone would say something pointedly, and a casual, intermittent conversation would take place. Before Temari’s return, conversation would be carried by Kankuro’s attempts to make Sakura feel welcomed, strained as they were. Gaara would interject when he felt it necessary, with the occasional input from Sakura when addressed directly.
Since Temari’s return, his sister had not just driven the conversation, but wrenched it sideways and taken complete control of the reins. He wondered if was solely because of Sakura’s presence or a familiarity due to her connections to Temari’s former lover. Which begged the question of how much the pinkette knew about his fate.
Gaara gave a deep sigh that did not go unnoticed by the room at large. It all came down to lovers and friends and family, in the end. They were what truly mattered. Sakura coughed lightly and he glanced at her. Conversation would normally pick up at this point, but the air was unusually tense. He blamed himself.
Gaara hadn’t meant to hurt her by keeping the knowledge of her former allies from her. It hadn’t been vindictive. He just did not know where they were. He had his theories, of course, but nothing solid enough to act on. And this bothered him more than he could admit.
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Or rather, Temari and Kankuro did, though they both paused a few times to glance at each other, like they were planning something. Temari had shifted to the edge of the seat, an eager look on her face. Sakura was pushing her food around on the plate, not eating. Like himself. Gaara had only taken a few bites before realising he wasn’t even hungry. And Kankuro was digging in, with gusto.
When Temari broke the silence, Gaara was grateful. For all of five seconds. Then he conjured a mental image of his hands strangling her.
“So…” She looked between Gaara and Sakura as she spoke. “It turns out one of the council members is a traitor, likely in cahoots with Danzo.”
Gaara glared at her. You did that on purpose.
She shrugged her shoulders with an air of indifference that he didn’t buy for a second. She’d been trying to convince him to let Sakura in on his ultimate plans for the Leaf Resistance, the future of Suna, and this Cold War. His sister wanted too much. He told her so. He’d been telling her so. But now, the decision was out of his hands. Sakura wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass. Kankuro put his cutlery down and leaned back, watching quietly. Amusement and curiosity danced in his eyes. Gaara could almost hear him thinking, well this should be interesting.
Sakura stopped playing with her food and looked up at Temari after side eyeing Gaara. He braced himself.
“How do you know there’s a traitor?”
“Through Lord Ebizō,” Temari said without hesitation. “Apparently, he’s been working with Gaara here.” She pointed her thumb at him as he scowled back at her. “They’ve found–”
“Temari.”
Kankuro made a soft sound the was halfway between a scoffed and snicker. Nobody paid him any mind.
Gaara glared at his sister. “She doesn’t need to know.”
She won’t be able to handle it, went unsaid.
He was aware of the insult to her person, but he couldn’t help himself. Kazekage or not, Sakura was under his care. She wasn’t one of his ninja. She was in no way his subordinate. Or professional equal. And as such, she was not to be privy to sensitive village information. He could not take responsibility for that. It was enough that he’d given Temari and Kankuro the highest security clearance legally possible for them simply because they were family. And the fact that they could handle it was beside the point.
This wasn’t a matter of trust. Sakura just wasn’t like them. Not anymore.
The pinkette scowled at him. “I’ll be the judge of that.”
Gaara sat up straighter. He matched her glare with one of his own. It was to be a battle of the wills, then.
.:.
Sakura did not pull her eyes from Gaara while Temari continued as though she hadn’t been interrupted.
“As you would know, communications between different Kage are always done in code or with a Kage-only sealing jutsu.”
Sakura nodded still staring at the Kazekage. She’d seen Tsunade pen letters to other Kage numerous times in both ways. Shizune had been a pro at transcribing the Hokage’s frustrated and eye-twitching candour to something more diplomatic. Sakura had never quite mastered that skill. Where Shizune excelled, Sakura fell behind. Where Sakura shined, Shizune’s skills were lacking. In that way, they’d complimented each other as Tsunade’s most trusted aides.
“Well,” Kankuro added, breaking his own silence. “Lord Ebizō came to Gaara with copies of transcribed missives that had deletion points in them.”
Sakura nodded again. A deletion point was exactly as it sounded. Information that was sent to Danzo must have been deleted at Suna’s end but not Konoha’s. It was off the record information. The only legitimate reason to delete parts of a message on the official, final copy, was for Kage level reasons. And this was clearly a deletion that Gaara had been unaware of.
What it even meant, she couldn’t say. But there was another problem.
“How…” she started softly, fighting to keep her staring match with the redhead. “How did he find it?”
It was a dangerous thing to do, but also difficult to detect. One might say damn near impossible, considering they shouldn’t have a reason for even looking for it. And whomever discovered the deletion point would have to be exceptionally skilled at Cryptanalysis. At the very least. Had it been Ebizō himself?
Temari answered her unasked question. “A new jounin found it. He wasn’t supposed to be there, apparently. Was just covering a shift for a friend. He’s listed primarily as a sensor ninja but apparently started his prior chunin career as a Cryptanalysis specialist.”
Sakura nodded again, finally understanding. “Lucky.”
“Yes. But unfortunately, he couldn’t tell who made the deletions.”
Of course. Sakura would be surprised if he had. So, this jounin had gone to Ebizō instead of the Kazekage? Maybe because it had been a Kage level security issue, he’d instead gone to the only person whose reputation was both impeccable as well as unquestionable.
“But how does that mean a council member did it?” Was she missing something?
It was Kankuro’s turn to answer. “Nobody in this room but Gaara could do it and we know he didn’t. The next line of suspects are the senior members of the council. Councillors Sajō, Ryūsa, and Tōjūrō are the senior advisors who legally have access to Kage level information. Officially, anyway.”
Because of course the Kazekage reserves the right to not inform them of anything if he doesn’t want to.
“How senior is Ebizō?”
“He leads the council.”
Sakura blinked heavily. So, it could’ve been Ebizō but wasn’t, because he brought it to Gaara’s attention. So, he was the only one they could trust. Almost as though this whole thing was a test that Gaara had set up to suss out the reliability of his subordinates. Except that he couldn’t have predicted this jounin’s inclusion. It would’ve been a piss poor test if nobody found it.
Sakura tapped her chin staring back into Gaara’s seafoam eyes with something akin to calmness. Almost like she was a real person having a legitimate conversation.
Well, look at me, acting like a normal, functioning person. What would my mirror image hallucination think about that?
“Councillors Sajō, Ryūsa, and Tōjūrō.”
She didn’t know anything about Ryūsa beyond some murmuring that he might lead the council one day. Tōjūrō was a complete mystery. But Sajō? Oh, Councillor Sajō she knew. That was a face she’d never forget, the arrogant, pompous, prick. She had fantasies about strangling him with his own intestines on a daily basis. If she could, she would.
Her eyes drifted as Sakura imagined, once again, the choking sounds of the older man as she throttled him. It took a few more seconds and a clearing of Gaara’s throat before she scowled, realising what had just happened. In her distraction, she’d accidentally broke eye contact with him. When she looked back at him, the Kazekage was looking smug.
Shit.
.:.
Gaara couldn’t contain his smirk as Sakura broke their staring contest. Something clunking around in her brain had distracted her.
Good.
“Councillors Sajō, Ryūsa, and Tōjūrō.” Sakura mumbled to herself once more, angling her body away from Gaara and his gaze. He kept watching, his face falling into a frown as she ignored him.
“It has to be Sajō,” she said.
“Why?” Temari asked.
Sakura pulled a face. “I’ve had the unfortunate displeasure of being hounded by him. He’s an arsehole.”
“His personality is not evidence,” Gaara intervened, and she glared at him before turning away again.
Sakura pursed her lips. “I know it’s him.”
“Okay.” His brother was driving Gaara crazy. Temari added to the frustration by echoing his words.
He couldn’t sit here and allow this anymore. “No,” he said.
Sakura clenched her fists, her eyes darting over to the corner of the room; she’d jumped slightly, but there was nothing there to startle her. Sometimes, Gaara wondered about that. Hallucinations.
“This isn’t up for discussion,” he said.
It was a wonder his sanity was still intact, dealing with her. She slammed her fists down on the table, dislodging silverware and making his siblings jump out of their skins, but not so hard as to damage the structural integrity of the furniture.
“You promised,” she said scathingly, glaring openly at him, and he was reminded of their argument that morning. “You said you would tell me–”
“I said that we’ll talk later,” he corrected her.
“About the Leaf Resistance!” She yelled and Temari and Kankuro’s heads whipped towards Gaara. He could feel their confusion and surprise but ignored them. “About what you’re doing! You said we should talk. We need to talk. So, let’s talk damn it!”
“This cipher talk isn’t about the Resistance,” he growled. “Nor is the traitor councillor.”
“Do you know that for sure?” She snapped. “Or are you just presuming? What if it’s all connected, Gaara? What if none of it is a coincidence?” She was on a roll now, taking a deep breath before charging into her new hypothesis with gusto. “Danzo doesn’t want a strong alliance with Suna, and we all know it. I’m not actually here to marry you! What if my mission is part of a larger plan? Sending a Root member with me when those tiny little fucking bastards are not actually trained in diplomacy? You have to admit that’s suspicious! So, what if his connection with this traitor has something to do with the Resistance? Or to undermine Suna because he already has a highly connected ally within your walls! What if it’s all connected? Did you ever stop to think about that?”
Gaara blinked heavily at her. Her deduction was quite the stretch. But crazier things had happened and he couldn’t think of a valid counter point, so he would be remiss to completely rule it out. He sighed. But this wasn’t the place to discuss this.
“I can help,” she said, her voice suddenly soft. He didn’t respond. “He won’t expect anything from me.”
“We don’t even know it’s him,” Gaara said. He was fighting with himself as much as her. He didn’t want to push her out of this, but it was political. And she wasn’t a Suna native. It wouldn’t be treason, but it would be dangerous. For both of them.
Maybe I’m overreacting.
He had no clue. Sakura’s face scrunched up as though she was in pain and her head dipped. She closed her eyes and he imagined she was struggling to calm herself. Was she having a panic attack? Gaara felt a similar spasm grasp his chest at the thought of having done this to her.
I can’t do anything right, with her.
She stood up abruptly, not looking at anyone. Her hands were balled into fists and Gaara’s stomach clenched painfully. Guilt. He felt the urge to say something, anything, to keep her from leaving this room angry. But nothing came to mind. He sat there, with his mouth slightly agape, unable to say the things she needed to hear.
Why?
There was a war in Gaara’s heart. The urge to protect her. The urge to respect her desire to participate. The urge to keep her far from the machinations of the evil of this world. He felt like he was being torn in too many different directions. But he knew that above all, he was being incredibly selfish.
With no regard for her uneaten dinner, Sakura stormed out.
He couldn’t release the groan that threatened to bubble up his throat. Gaara remembered he still had an audience and turned his head minutely to glance at them. Temari was frowning at him, her fingers tapping the table soundlessly. Kankuro was shaking his head, his lips twisted in barely controlled irritation. Gaara let that effervescent groan escape his mouth. He was an arsehole. He knew it. Because his siblings had never looked at him with so much disappointment before. Even when he let a demon out to play havoc on their village as a blood thirsty child.
.:.
When will I ever learn?
She was too emotional. Always had been. Weak. Pathetic. Emotional little girl. Expected too much of others. Presumed too much of herself. Stupid.
Sakura stormed up the internal staircase and slammed her bedroom door closed. She didn’t stop there, grabbing the cactus Matsuri and Yukata had given her (what else did she have?) and throwing it against the wall. Not the back of the door. No, not the chronicle of her timeline in Suna.
Soil spilled onto the floor, but the succulent remained firmly in the pot. The hardy bastard.
She let out a long-winded, slightly high-pitched groan. One minute Gaara was open and treating her like a human being and the next, looking down on her and breaking his promises. She felt so childish, but Sakura didn’t care. She wanted to rage and yell and pound some faces into the ground. She let her anger broil and seethe as she turned and threw herself at the bed. Head in the middle and feet dangling over the edge, she screamed into the blanket for all she was worth.
Which isn’t much, let’s be honest.
It was best to muffle her more violent urges. Noisy. Yes. The last thing she wanted was for someone to hear her screaming and to come running. If they would even. She scoffed. Sakura groaned, then rolled onto her back, grabbed the pillow, and attempted to suffocate herself. It wouldn’t be the first attempt since her arrival at Suna.
Who am I kidding?
She wasn’t trying to do anything to herself.
Sakura gripped the pillow harder, closed her eyes tightly and then screamed again. The muffled sound only made her ears pop. She sighed and sat up wearily. She needed to stop doing this to herself. After so long alone, Sakura had started to think she was a part of something. Maybe something special. Probably just something not toxic. Not dangerous. Kankuro was personable. Temari seemed genuinely happy to see her. But Gaara… fuck, she had to stop wanting more from him.
She shook herself and stood up as the mirage floated into the room, through that blasted window. Sakura’s heart raced and she shivered. Had the temperature dropped suddenly or was she just feeling the aftereffects of her panic attack? She watched as the mirage as it turned on the spot and seemed to only just notice her, glowering now.
“I hate you,” she said with conviction. I really do.
“You brought this on yourself,” it replied.
“Shut up.”
Its smile was cruel. Sakura closed her eyes and sat back down on the bed; hands fisted on her thighs.
“He doesn’t care about you.”
“Go away.”
“You’re useless to him.”
She wanted to cry. A choked sob escaped her before she could stop it. No. She was in control of this. Sakura threw her pillow at the mirage. And of course it sailed right through that smug, broken, and bloodied face. It was happy and angry at the same time. How could something that wasn’t even real hold any emotions at all?
“Are you even trying to escape this stupid hell hole?”
No, apparently Sakura had completely forgotten she wanted out of Suna. How long had it been? She paused in her internal debate to glance at the back of her bedroom door.
Twenty-five days so far.
“Ugh.”
Between wanting in on Gaara’s schemes and her ink creatures, Sakura still had no idea what she was doing. Her creations had scouted the village outskirts and even memorised the guard positions and patrol routes. There was no predictability to times, but the places were all the same. It was something to work with, at least. But it was getting her nowhere.
Twenty-five days and all she’d accomplished was making a fool of herself in front of everyone.
Gaara didn’t want her help. Her creatures had probably escaped this hell hole, leaving her behind. There was nothing to do. Nothing but sit in her room like a good girl and wait out whatever plan Gaara and his siblings had. Once the traitor had been identified and proven they could then tackle the political mess Danzo had Suna entrenched in. And Sakura would be free.
And this time I’ll run.
She’d kill the Root shadow and run. Sakura grasped at her chest, grinning despite the hole in her heart. She didn’t notice the single tear at first. It contained all her hopes for being human again. She wiped at it, not sure what to think of it. But she was spared that particular, repetitive self-flagellation at the abrupt sound of a hiss. She started, spinning around quickly. Her kunai was still in the hole in the windowsill. Conveniently between her and the source of the disturbance.
I really need a better hiding place.
Or multiple kunai dipped in poison. Yes, that would be better. More kunai, more targets. She smiled ruefully at that, her focus snapping to the window. She breathed a sigh of relief when there was no attack but rather the shadows of familiar shapes.
They’re finally back.
The ink creatures. The vulture-like bird and viper shaped snake. They slid into the room through the open window, moving in tandem. Between the two of them they had a death grip on something. Something distinctly snake-shaped and presumably dead. A wide grin spread over her face, and they halted their movements.
“Yes,” she hissed. She inched toward them as the ink bird hopped impatiently, releasing its own grip. When she touched the real snake softly, the ink snake twisted its body, tightening its hold on the carcass. The snake was indeed dead. She sighed, relieved. That would make this much easier. The chemical make-up of venom did not change after the snake died. So, theoretically, she should be able to extract the venom and use it, no problem.
Sakura vividly remembered a description of the milking process from a snake husbandry book during her genin days in Konoha.
Press down on the back of the snake’s head after it bites the container. The fangs will drip out venom for at least fifteen to twenty seconds.
Those instructions had been for a live snake. She cocked her head at the dead one as it was still being half-heartedly strangled by living ink, at her feet. Well, hopefully its deceased status wouldn’t make a difference other than ease of access. Hopefully.
Do I do this now?
Normally, she’d wait for the other occupants of the household to go to bed before doing something she didn’t want to be walked in on doing. Right now, standing, staring, and contemplating her sanity carried a high risk of interruption.
Sakura glanced up at the clock. She’d only been back in the room for almost two minutes. It felt far longer. She sighed, resigned, and shooed her hand at the ink creatures. Trying to corral cats would be easier. They just sat and stared at her. Or rather, the snake remained motionless except for the occasional tightening of its possessive grip and the bird cocked its head at her. Much like she’d done a moment ago. Not that it made a difference if they suddenly started towards the bathroom or something, to keep out of sight. And this whole thing would be far safer if she waited, anyway. She’d already been waiting two days for their return to begin, what was a few more hours?
Still feels like I’ve been pacing impatiently for far longer.
She sat on the edge of her bed and closed her eyes. Her emotions had settled. She felt so drained. But not exhausted. There was an old meditation technique that Lady Tsunade had taught her, and she was just scooting back further onto the bed to try it when Sakura paused, startled by the sudden rush of chakra.
Gaara’s chakra.
Gaara’s knock on her door.
“Is he here to apologise?” She’d forgotten about the mirage. Its singsong, mocking voice floated over to her. “I don’t think so.”
She inhaled deeply, unable to stop the sudden hiccupping sob that sounded from her mouth. All the anger and fear and feelings of resentment and abandonment that had just disappeared, all the tension in her body, suddenly returned with a vengeance. How could one person, so innately collected and calm, invoke such a raging storm inside her? She hated it. And right now, she hated him.
“Stop lying.”
Go away.
He wasn’t going away.
Fuck the mirage. She wanted Gaara to leave her alone. But she also wanted him to persist. To show her she was worth the effort. That he cared. Sakura wiped at her tears and attempted to make her face look presentable. Maybe he would give up. In that case the only person who would see her tears was herself.
He knocked again.
“Sakura?” That deep, soft voice. Gods.
What is he doing to me?
.:.
Moonlight filtered in through her window as Sakura stared at the door. The ink creatures twittered and hissed, respectively, nearby and she wasn’t ready for Gaara to see them.
“Think he’ll actually call you crazy this time?”
Maybe. The mirage grinned at her thought.
“Sakura?”
Right, he was still outside her room. She fought the urge to flee. It had been her default state since arriving in Suna and it was beyond exhausting.
And embarrassing.
She glanced at the snake and bird before slowly opening the door half a foot and holding tightly to the frame to keep him from pushing it open. If he had such a notion. Sakura forced herself to look him in the eye.
The shame. His face was full of it.
“Hi.”
He nodded but before Gaara could respond, Sakura moved forward, placing a trembling hand on his chest, keeping her eyes on his. Pale green irises widened but he didn’t complain. Feeling more confident, Sakura pushed him gently and closed the door behind herself. In the hallway. Alone. Together. Her other hand found its way to his chest and Sakura felt his heart beat a little faster under her fingertips.
“It’s a nice night,” she said, her voice low and strong. Maybe. She had no idea. It just had to be strong enough to project confidence. Conviction she missed about her past herself. She was trying, really. “Let’s go to the roof.”
His eyes searched hers wordlessly, clearly trying to figure out what her plan was. What she was thinking. Why she was thinking it. Maybe even if she was trying to trick him. He’d deserve it, after that display during dinner, but Sakura tried for her most saccharine smile.
Seemingly convinced, he slipped his right arm around her waist and pulled her gently toward him, flush against his body. Sand whipped up around them and she couldn’t stop the light gasp for the life of her. Steeling herself, Sakura gripped harder to him as they disappeared from the hallway outside her bedroom and her centre of gravity shifted and they reappeared on the roof of the Kazekage mansion.
The cold night air hit her first. She shivered but didn’t complain. She expected Gaara to pull away immediately but his hold on her remained firm. Almost like it was his apology. Or he was working up to one. Sakura waited. And glanced around, remembering that the Root shadow would be able to see them from the outside, on the roof, even if he couldn’t hear them.
She could imagine that freak’s reaction if he was watching right now. Sakura remembered, one of the few times the masked man hadn’t berated her on their three-day journey to Suna he’d gone over her expectations on this mission. He’d expected her to lull Gaara into a false sense of security. To take advantage of him. To play the part of a girl being sold off.
Use your assets, he’d said, leering at her. It’s not like you haven’t done this before.
Danzo had not ordered her to sleep with, let alone woo Gaara, specifically. But it was in every look he’d given her before sending her off. It was in between every line in the official papers for this mission. Of course, she’d ignored it. Sakura hadn’t planned to be here this long. But here she was, with Gaara’s arm around her, and all Sakura could think of was that, technically, this was supposed to be a seduction mission. She hadn’t foreseen viewing Gaara as a sexual being. It had snuck up on her, now painfully obvious. Sakura knew it before but a part of her had also denied it, but it was true. There was no going back now. She wanted him.
Desperately.
But she was done hoping he would start anything. Gaara wasn’t like that.
Sakura started as his left arm came around to embrace her. His chin resting on top of her head, and he let out a soft sigh. It made her body tremble in response, and she wondered what he was trying to do if not turn her on. This was out of character for him. As far as she could tell. She inhaled deeply. And he needed to stop smelling so good too.
Because it’s hot as fuck.
She wanted to dominate him. The feeling wasn’t new to her but the chance to be the one in control, was. All she’d ever done is exude a fake version of confidence. Sex was methodical. A tool. To her, at least. And here was Gaara, making her want something else. Something more.
But how am I supposed to get that?
She had no idea how to instigate this. Reluctantly, Sakura released her hold on Gaara and after a few moments of what seemed like internal contemplation, he uncoiled his arms, removing them from her hips gently. Always the gentleman. Never the paramour. She cleared her throat and took a step backwards.
He wouldn’t want me that way, anyway.
She needed to get this under control. This level of intensity wasn’t natural for her. It had to be a side effect of either the prazosin drug she was taking or her anxiety. Post Traumatic Distress Disorder. She wasn’t so stupid as to presume she’d survived the last few years with her sanity intact. And it would explain so much.
“I’m sorry.”
Sakura’s jaw dropped at Gaara’s words. He was sorry. She blinked stupidly at him.
“For everything,” he said.
She nodded slowly, licking her lips absentmindedly. Yes, he’d been an arse. She could accept this. She stared at him for a moment, contemplating how to go about the discussion she wanted to have with him. He kept eye contact, obviously content with waiting for her input. She tried to smile but her lips quivered.
Sakura sighed.
“Councillor Sajō. He came to a few of the wedding planning sessions,” she said, deciding on a change of topic. “He was abrupt but otherwise respectful to the other ladies. But he kept glancing at me.” She shuddered at the memory. “He didn’t like what he saw. And he hates me. I know it’s not a lot to go on,” she added. “I’m sorry I was so pushy and defensive about it.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Sakura didn’t think he had anything to base that on. Sometimes she thought he had a secret file that occasionally leaked information about her to him, in minute amounts; just enough for him to get glimpses into her psyche, but not enough for a deep dive. Enough for his pity to sting her. To burn. And enough for him to think her some kind of helpless victim.
She stood straighter, shoulders pushed back, and chin raised. Sakura had never been good at hiding her feelings, even after the Root commanded that had trained her in the early days of Danzo’s reign got tired of her lack of control. The man had very little patience for emotional outbursts. He could teach her all manner of underhanded jutsu and Root-based tactics but mental conditioning to suppress her emotions? She was never going to master that. Not to his satisfaction, anyway. There was no seal on her tongue. Danzo didn’t stick needles in her eyes and brainwash her. No, he just had his subordinates torture her. Poke her full of holes. Heal her. Fry her. Rinse and repeat. She was fun to play with, apparently. Even more so than some others because an unwilling servant could scream the loudest.
“The council has always been difficult,” Gaara interrupted her thoughts, running a hand through his hair distractedly. He looked past her, as though someone had appeared suddenly, and she had to refrain from turning to look. But there had to be nobody there because his demeanour didn’t change. “They do like to make up their own rules sometimes.”
“I can believe that. Especially after that councillor started having me followed.”
Sakura was adamant that Sajō had. The Root shadow never seemed bothered by it. He’d even laughed a few times when she’d stopped on her way back to the Kazekage’s mansion, sensing the darkening presence behind her. Escorted by Matsuri and Yukata, she was shielded by their presence. Their limited protection. But the moment she strayed again; Sakura knew all bets would be off.
And who knows what Sajō is actually willing to throw down?
Would he have her cornered and interrogated? Would he stoop to physically attacking her? Maybe an attack like that would-be-assassin? He was making sure she stayed in line. After their run-in at the council building, she showed herself to be a loose cannon. And if Sajō was in league with Danzo, then it was likely the Root shadow would help him.
She explained all of this to Gaara, leaving out how her contemplation on how far Sajō would go intrigued her. If the old man gave her a reason to fight back, she would. Gaara frowned, concern marring his features.
“It has to be him,” she said.
“It’s at least a place to start,” he agreed.
Sakura smiled widely at him, warmth spreading over her face. Was she blushing? But hope had burgeoned in her chest, and she didn’t care, either way. His eyes softened as he stared back at her, and she had to push down the sudden urge to throw her arms around him.
“I can help,” she said. It wasn’t meant as a reprimand, but Gaara’s face shifted into stony seriousness.
“I know,” he said, his voice low and ashamed. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
She nodded. “You know… I can handle myself.”
“I know–”
“I just…”
Sakura glanced around the rooftop, remembering another night when he’d followed her up here and she’d killed a masked assassin. It felt like years had passed since then. Being here for the first time since then brought it all back. The blood on her hands. The rain gently trying, and failing, to wash it away. Her mind spasming in ecstasy at the opportunity to finally get to kill something. When she eventually turned back to Gaara she found him looking around in a similar manner, a faraway, contemplative expression on his face.
Does he think of that night often, too?
“We never talked about that night,” she said, and suddenly had his full attention again. “I killed a man–”
“Who was trying to kill you,” he interrupted, but she kept going, unimpeded.
“–right here. I tore into him. And I know you know I took pleasure in it.” She inhaled deeply, her breath shaky, and ignoring the way he looked pensive. “And I know you know… that I’m not…” She struggled to find the right way to explain how she’d lost the plot without sounding dramatic. But it wouldn’t come. Instead, she tried another angle. “Sometimes it comes in flashes. I’ll be okay one moment and then… I’ll just want to dig my kunai into something. Or even my bare hands. That ache. That desire.” She sighs. “I know you understand.”
Because you used to be out of control too went unsaid.
“And I see things…” She cut herself off quickly, not wanting to go further down that rabbit hole.
Gaara’s eyes had widened slightly at that admission, but he didn’t say anything. She was grateful for that.
Anyway…
“I’m not all there, I know. But I’m not so far gone that–”
“You’re not crazy, Sakura. You’re not worthless or useless or unworthy.” Gaara narrowed his eyes at her. His hands twitched, like he too was fighting the urge for them to embrace. She longed for that warmth again, shifting the weight between her feet nervously.
He stared at her intensely and she swallowed heavily in a vain attempt to stop the flow of tears. They stuck in the corner of her eyes in warning, and she tried so hard to keep them from falling, clenching her fists, digging her nails into her hands. Whatever she needed to do. Sakura nodded her head in agreement even as she refused to accept his sweet words.
But her gratitude towards this man was so strong that she couldn’t restrain the single sob from ripping out of her mouth. Now, she couldn’t stop the light tears now gathering along her eyelashes, threatening to obscure her vision. Sakura hugged herself as Gaara reached out to wipe the tears away. He was so tender and considerate. She felt like she was going to break from his kindness. It was good. But it was also torture.
Even after his outbursts and stubbornness to keep her in the dark, she couldn’t begrudge him forgiveness.
Sakura sniffed and leaned into his touch lightly, even as she was unable to bring herself to look at him. He cupped her cheek for a few moments, just holding his hand still against her before slowly wiping at her eyes again. When he removed his hand completely, it wasn’t done hastily or roughly. She didn’t feel rejected. She felt calmer. More in control.
“Sakura… I…”
What could he say? She didn’t know.
“Let’s go on that date.”
But apparently, he does.
She started, looking up at him in surprise. That came out of nowhere. But to be fair, it was something they’d already talked about. Once she got over the initial shock, Sakura found herself smiling her way through the mild panic at the thought of officially dating him.
“Now?”
He nodded.
“It’s a bit late.”
Gaara smiled wryly. “I don’t sleep much, and you don’t… have to go to the wedding planner tomorrow.”
That was true. It was officially her day off. She’d planned to spend it in the training grounds and also use some of that time to hone her ink crafting skills again. Sakura no longer felt the compulsion to escape Suna, though a deep seeded feeling of unease from merely being in Suna still ate at her. Everything she did now was just to pass the time, out of habit, or necessity. But this… yeah, she wanted to change things up a bit.
“O-okay.” She cleared her throat. “Yes. Let’s… uh,” she blushed, “go on that date.”
Gaara must have been thinking about this more than she realised. He rattled off a few ideas, all of which she could picture being interrupted and annoyed by the ever-present Root shadow in her wake. But several of the ideas sounded like they might just be in a no-go zone for her stalker.
Only one way to find out.
And it was a shame her mirage couldn’t be kept out of things as easily.
Sakura realised, as Gaara tentatively explained how this place and that place were in high security areas and had amazing views of the village, that of course the Shadow wasn’t allowed in all areas of Suna. She could’ve slapped herself for not thinking of it earlier. It was even likely he wasn’t allowed anywhere near Suna’s shinobi academy. All of this must have been covered back when they’d arrived and Baki had run down official rules to them both. She hadn’t been paying attention back then.
So many places I could’ve lost him in. Buried him, more like.
“Something casual,” Gaara was saying, bringing Sakura’s attention back to their impending date. Were they just going somewhere casual? Or was he talking about their relationship? Or maybe what they were going to wear? Well, there wasn’t anything casual about being engaged. It was still a farce, but it no longer felt trivial to her.
Okay, she could do this. She cleared her throat. “Yes, casual.”
Was that a smirk?
“We’ll need somewhere with food,” she added, ignoring the flush that his smirk had invoked along her body. They were both acutely aware neither of them had eaten their dinner. But Sakura didn’t want some homemade food for this. “Or money to buy some.”
“There are a number of acceptable vendors open this time of night.”
“Right.”
“I asked you out,” he said, his face tinging pink. “I will pay any and all fees.”
She wasn’t going to argue with that, since she was flat broke. It wasn’t like Danzo cared to pay her for any of her missions. She inwardly scoffed at the notion. The only things she owned were from before his takeover or what she’d managed to steal over the years. She would have to go through the clothes in the wardrobe in her bedroom. Again. At least there more options to choose from now, since both Matsuri and Yukata had made a point of restocking that threadbare closet.
“And I’ll change into something less... I mean more comfortable.” She spluttered. “I mean something casual.” She bit her lip in embarrassment. They were a pair of tomatoes. “Meet you back here in fifteen?”
Gaara nodded, his smile infectious as she returned it before turning on the spot and leaving him alone on the roof. She hadn’t even thought to ask him to use his sand, perhaps because she was still subconsciously remembering the ink creatures. They needed to be dealt with first, before she went anywhere.
Gaara will wait.
She knew he would.
.:.
The night was alive with the sounds and lights that made up the heart of Suna.
And the hounding footsteps of her eternal stalker. The closer they moved towards the lights and sounds, the further the Root retreated into the shadows. It faded into the background but refused to disappear completely. She would not turn her head to give it the attention it craved.
Instead, Sakura took in the sights and sounds, feeling like a proper tourist for the first time in her life. Gaara took her down a small path that led from the Kazekage mansion to the larger maze of interconnected paths to the thoroughfare of the village. From this narrow road, all other paths diverged. And his chosen path opened up into a lively and festival area.
There was no official looking celebration or staged performance, but the atmosphere had a similar ambience to them both. And the people were in merriment as though there really was a carnival going on. Sakura wondered if this was a new thing, because of the tensions of the Cold War and people just wanting to forget for a time, or if Suna had always occasionally held large-scaled revelries. Civilians behind the walls of any village, hidden and safer than most, couldn’t understand what it was really like out there, surely.
Enough of the doom and gloom.
The Root shadow followed as they moved deeper into the edge of the festivities, where the crowd was thinnest, keeping away from the louder groups. Far away. Some people turned to look at them; they recognised Gaara, despite his casual long styled jinbei, but Sakura’s casual shirt and trousers would not have screamed her identity more than her shocking pink hair. Even drab, it stood out. Fortunately, the crowd was sparse, having died down from the dinner rush, which meant the menu selections were limited but that suited them just fine.
Sakura tried not to notice how many people there really were. Nor the concerned look on Gaara’s face when he clearly noticed her anxiety. A few vendors sat on the outskirts of this rabble and Gaara steered them towards the first of the street food merchants, his hand on the small of her back. Sakura eyed the yakisoba but ultimately decided on yakitori. Gaara chose the same.
“I cannot take your money, Lord Kazekage,” the flustered merchant waved his hands frantically, when Gaara went to pay for it. “A treat for your lady friend. On the house.”
Sakura inhaled deeply, not wanting to speak for fear of setting off her anxiety. There were enough eyes on her. And the Shadow was ever present, even in the background. She took a deep breath and followed Gaara as he led her to an open dining area that was mostly empty. They sat on the tableless chairs and ate, just enjoying the distantly happy atmosphere and their silent company. It was oddly comfortable.
There was a tradition in Suna, or so Gaara had told her on the walk down the paths to this district. He’d learned about it from his brother. Like bar hopping in Konoha, this was called stall hopping – on dates or festival nights, going from one vendor to the next, buying a single, small portion of food, then moving onto the next vendor to repeat the process. It sounded interesting. Having finished their seasoned chicken, they now had their meat. Their animal protein.
The next stall had to be different. That was the tradition.
With Gaara’s arm pressed lightly and confidently against Sakura’s lower back, they continued to the next stall, which specialised in rice and seaweed as their main ingredients. Here, the vendor owner also refused Gaara’s money and ladled their plates with a serving of Onigiri and a shrimp tempura roll and ushered them to some seats nearby.
Sakura supposed it was good for business too, having the Kazekage seen at their stall.
“No, no, Lord Kazekage! I will not have it!” The third vendor followed the example of the previous ones, refusing Gaara’s money as well.
He was flushed at the intensity of their refusals and Sakura had to hide a smile behind her hand.
“Looks like they like you too much,” she whispered.
“Your lady friend will eat for free too.”
Gaara had clearly never actually done anything like this before. The novelty was something to behold. They both ordered a small bowl of miso soup, and this time chose to sit closer to the stall as they consumed their food. Sakura took the opportunity to study him as he delicately sipped at his miso, not bothering with the seaweed within the soup.
His sharp features made her feel nostalgia for the days when a pretty face would have her bumbling over her words or blushing just thinking about some boy’s eyes on her. She closed her eyes as images of Sasuke glaring at her popped into her mind. Her innocent, naïve days were over.
“They like you too,” Gaara whispered softly, and she looked over to see that he’d finished already. He wasn’t looking at her, but she took comfort from the gentle smile on his lips as he looked out over the scant crowd.
Her heart was hammering in her chest, but she tried to ignore it. She’d never been on a date before but had gossiped in her early years of puberty about all the different ways to go about it and how the boy in question would dote on her. However, none of them had involved stall hopping for a street vendor mixed with Kaiseki styled meals for an on the move dinner.
If only we could have done this without a stalker watching our every move.
She pointedly ignored the mostly invisible monster. When they were done, Sakura wanted the next stall to be a dessert one. Gaara pulled a face at the sweets before him, and Sakura laughed at the way he fake-coughed like it would get him out of helping her choose something.
Gaara turned his nose up at the dumplings and imagawayaki that Sakura had pointed out, making her giggle more like she was a real girl on a date this time. He really didn’t like sweets. There was no fried ice-cream, which she assumed he’d like better, but she convinced him to try some savory senbei. He didn’t flinch at the taste, and she grinned at him like she’d won a prize. His skin flushed a light pink, but he said nothing.
This merchant also refused his money and Sakura found herself comforting Gaara’s obvious unease by rubbing her hand along his lower back. The move surprised them both but except for a moment’s hesitation, she didn’t let it stop her from continuing. Until their food came and she focused on the task of consuming her dumplings without choking from embarrassment.
Their final vendor was a tea stand. This owner was just as impressed by the appearance of the Kazekage and finally, Gaara didn’t bother feeling too awkward about their insistence regarding payment. They took their green tea and decided to stroll out of the district, side by side, arms down, hands brushing against each other every now and then. And like naïve teenagers who’d never done anything romantic before, they wore identical looks of shyness and happiness. It was a great feeling. An unfamiliar feeling, for them both.
“I’m proud of you, Gaara.”
He blinked at her. “I should say the same.”
She smiled as they moved away, the food stalls gave way to a larger area. The food here came in restaurant size, but they bypassed it, keeping to the edge. But all good things do come to an end.
Because I’m a freak.
There was a commotion. Not a violent one by the sounds of it, but it seemed that some people were making a fuss in a crowd nearby. Yelling. Whooping. Drunken noises. Sounds that mimicked festivities that had gotten out of hand. The crowd was larger than Sakura was used to, and she hesitated on the threshold. She closed her eyes for a second to control her breathing, taking a small, unconscious step away from it. Her heart was racing again, her palms sweaty. Gaara stood silently and patiently beside her. He touched her arm softly when it was clear she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Are you okay?”
She couldn’t nod or speak, just trying to focus on her breathing. Her ears were ringing but it came and went quickly. Sakura grasped Gaara’s hand that had touched her, startling him. He took the hint and led her away from it. There were more commotions, but not as loud or out of control this time. The people were just having fun. Sakura didn’t know what had drawn their attention as she was not focusing on anything other than moving her feet and how warm Gaara’s hand felt against her skin.
And as they came to the edge of these newer sounds, she didn’t hesitate. “Let’s have a look.”
“Are you sure?”
He clearly was worried she wouldn’t be able to handle it, and he had reason to. She wasn’t exactly exuding confidence. But Sakura wanted to go down there and just check it out, at least. To find out what had drawn the attention of so many if not the usual things attributed to festivities, like games or fireworks. They didn’t have to stay for long. Just long enough to satisfy her curiosity.
Sakura reached out and entwined their hands before she could stop herself out of embarrassment. “I’ll squeeze your hand when I want to leave.”
He nodded, swallowing heavily and gently squeezing her hand in affirmation.
Okay, then.
Sakura took a deep breath. I can do this.
She’d already endured the inquisitive stares of the scattered people at the street stalls; this was just another step in the right direction. And if she could do all that under the eye of the Root, then she could do anything. It was just another challenge to overcome. And she so desperately wanted to overcome it.
They were recognised of course, and more than one set of eyes drifted to their entwined hands. Her skin felt clammy all of a sudden and a light squeeze from Gaara both set her heart aflutter and calmed her nerves. They only stayed for a few minutes. The lights were bright and the people, laughing and swaying, were loud and friendly. But she’d finally had enough.
Masks.
It was a mask gathering, themed not unlike the Matsuri festival back in Konoha. Not everyone was wearing a mask but there were small groups of impromptu dancers and some scattered musicians. They had the appearance of entertainers who had just come off some kind of travelling troupe but didn’t look out of place. Not like her. Sakura felt underdressed all of a sudden but pushed that anxiety down.
She gently squeezed Gaara’s hand, and he immediately steered them to a path that would lead away from the festivities. Like the interconnected paths she imagined it also led to the thoroughfare. But they didn’t get a chance to use it. There was a cry of something that sounded like frustration and excitement to her right and Sakura stiffened as a clearly very drunk civilian came stumbling as quickly as he could towards them. He made flailing motions with his arms, his face twisted in a grin and nonsensical words on his slurred and unintelligible tongue.
Ugly, rotten teeth. Polished and dangerous.
That peel of laughter wasn’t coming from the drunkard. It was seeping out of the shadows.
Sakura reeled, almost falling over. Gaara held her and she gripped his hand so hard she would’ve broken his sand armour if he’d bothered to wear it. The lights and sounds of the festivities brightened and blinded her. Hazy and screaming. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t ask Gaara for help. She couldn’t do a damn thing.
But true to his promise, Gaara was pulling her to him, flush against his chest. Sand whipped up around them, scaring off the drunkard. Sakura closed her eyes as the Kazekage teleported them away. When her feet hit the ground, she let her head fall forward onto Gaara’s chest. She felt the warmth of his hand on her back as he attempted to soothe her. Face pressed against his chest. Ascending numbers flashing through her mind’s eye. Breathing. Leaning into his embrace. Her body sagged. But she was calming down.
The Shadow is gone.
Sakura lost count of those ascending numbers, not knowing how long it really took for her to come back to herself. But she did. And Gaara moved with her as she pulled away, peering at her. Assessing her. Like he cared. She was learning to love those pale green eyes of his.
Fuck it. Why are you so good to me?
“Why…”
Gaara hushed her as she lost that train of thought. She looked around, realising she did not recognise the area he’d teleported them to. Sakura’s head swivelled around several times as she tried to take in the view. They were in what looked like a forest sanctuary. Or rather the kind of forest that Suna could provide with limited resources. The colour green was everywhere. Gardens. Stone pathways. And a dome nearby that screamed, “there’s a greenhouse inside me!”.
“Where are we?”
“The west gardens,” Gaara said. “This area is out of bounds. Only select individuals are allowed here, and only with my permission.”
More places the Shadow can’t reach.
She felt special. And she loved the place on sight. The foreboding pressure had released, and Sakura suddenly felt lighter than air. “Okay, give me a tour,” she said, not having to force her face to smile.
Gaara nodded, gently taking her hand once more. She soaked it all in as they walked along the path and he explained what she was seeing, in that simple but intelligent way of his. On paper, his words would sound clipped, but they came out so serene and husky that Sakura found herself hypnotised by them.
His voice.
She sighed. They found a bench and she let go of his hand before lowering herself onto it. She felt very nervous as Gaara sat beside her. Inches apart. She couldn’t decide which was worse: the way her libido occasionally went into overdrive around him or her current uncomfortable feeling like she was some virginal teenager who didn’t know how to behave in her own skin.
A shock of light and sound. Sakura whipped her head to the side in time to see an explosion of fireworks. She jumped to her feet quickly and scanned the horizon. Gaara stood and mimicked her pose.
“I forgot about that,” he said slowly, and she understood. This was a rare occurrence. Which meant she didn’t want to miss it.
Sakura took his hand and pulled him along as she raced towards it. Still in the gardens, they found the edge of the gardens that overlooked a significant portion of the village and she let herself fall backwards onto the grass. Gaara chuckled as he lay next to her. They had a great view of the fireworks erupting above the village.
They lay next to each other silently, just watching, leaning back on their elbows, and just enjoying the company. Eventually, the fireworks began to die down and, even though there was no hint of it on the horizon, Sakura was sure the sun wouldn’t be far away.
“Thank-you,” she said softly.
“You’re welcome.”
The stars twinkled. The blackness unable to mask their delight. She smiled at that observation. Sakura wanted to just lay here forever. Forget the Root shadow. Forget Danzo. Forget the council and Sajō and whomever it was that was colluding with the usurper Hokage. She just wanted to lie next to Gaara and forget the world. Or maybe she was more worried about getting too comfortable. The night was very, very late. She suppressed a yawn and had to physically stop herself from just flopping onto her back, in fear she’d fall asleep here and never wake up. Gaara, on the other hand, looked well rested. Or just not tired. Whichever.
She turned her gaze back to the stars. The blinking contrast between sparkles and darkness reminded her suddenly of her ink creatures. The light against the black ink sky. The way they seemed to fight each other for dominance. Yet nothing changed.
For almost a month, Sakura had been trying to find her way. Either a way out of the village or a way out of her own head. A path forward, made of the same stones as the ones in these gardens. And definitely not populated by the noisy nighttime carousers. But now, lying next to Gaara and wondering what this night would mean for their non-relationship, Sakura knew suddenly what to do. It was so very clear now.
She sat up straight and turned to face her fake fiancé turned real date, surprising him. He mirrored her movements, openly curious.
“Gaara,” she said. “I made ink creatures.”
Curiosity turned to confusion on his face. “Creatures?”
“Yes, chakra infused creatures made of ink.”
He quirked an eyebrow at her but remained silent.
“They’re hiding in my bathroom right now,” she added, knowing how weird that sounded.
“Why?”
“Why did I make them or why are they hiding?”
“Both.”
Sakura sighed. “I don’t think it’s a surprise that I didn’t choose to come here. Not under my own volition, anyway.” He nodded. “I… have wanted to leave the moment I arrived.” He didn’t look surprised. “The past few years all I could think of was getting away from Danzo. Especially the last six months, with him sending me on suicide runs.”
Gaara’s eyes widened. “He–”
“Let me get this out, please?”
He nodded again.
She cleared her throat. “I’m an idiot though. Every chance I got to get away, I squandered. Every moment in which I could slip away unseen, I freeze like my life depends on it. On my last mission I almost did leave. I saw the Konoha gate come up as I approached… it was so achingly familiar but alien at the same time. Everything about the Leaf is so… wrong, now. I wanted to get away from it. But I didn’t. Couldn’t bring myself to.” She sighed. “I guess I’m just as useless–”
“Stop.” Gaara scowled at her. “Don’t say that.”
Sakura hadn’t answered his question yet, but he suddenly didn’t seem to care. He rose to his knees and took her hands in his. They were warm and safe and not what she would’ve thought possible. Not for her.
“Sakura…” he trailed off for a moment. “it’s called self-sabotage. People do it to themselves, for years at a time even. It doesn’t make them useless. Or stupid. Or any other thing you’re thinking about yourself right now. None of that is true. I… spoke with a civilian therapist,” he said quickly, and she realised her surprise must’ve registered on her face.
A civilian therapist?
“I know what you’re talking about,” she said. “Its clinical term is Behavioural Dysregulation.”
It was a conscious (or unconscious) habit of doing things that were bad for oneself. It didn’t take a degree in clinical psychology to have heard of it, she supposed. Sakura had done quite a lot of reading on that subject, and similar, before everything went to shit. Lady Tsunade had wanted to begin incorporating mind healing into Konoha’s medical training facility.
Sakura gave a sad smile at that memory.
“Do you think…” Gaara cleared his throat. “You’d talk to one too? About… everything.”
Sakura pulled a face. “I don’t think a civilian would understand.”
The one Tsunade had proposed would’ve included both civilian and ninja therapists, though.
“Right.”
She watched Gaara closely as he released her hands and turned his head away. What he was looking at, she couldn’t tell. But his silence had an air of disappointment and contemplativeness to it.
Well, this sucks.
“I created them to scout out the village.”
He looked at her sharply.
At least he’s looking at me now.
“So, I could see the weakness in the guard patrols and escape.”
“Have you?”
She shook her head. There was no relief on his face, only contemplation. And… was he curious about them?
She decided to presume he was. “You want to see them?”
“I’m curious.”
Sakura flushed. “O-okay.”
They stood quickly and awkwardly. For a moment, neither of them moved, but then the warmth of his hand enveloped hers; his free arm snaking around her waist and holding her tightly. Gaara teleported them directly into her bedroom. Sakura trembled lightly as her feet hit the floor, but whether from nerves or the return of her libido she wasn’t sure. Her skin tingled, so maybe it was excitement. She pulled out of his grip quickly.
“Wait here,” she said and Gaara obeyed. She rushed into the bathroom and low and behold, the bird and snake were still holding onto the carcass.
Snake, she thought. I’ll call the ink snake ‘snake’ and the real, dead one ‘serpent’.
But the question that she needed to answer, and quickly before Gaara grew impatient, was whether or not to bring both. Sakura still wanted to keep secrets from him. She liked him. She trusted him. But she also didn’t trust her faith in him. Some things she just didn’t want to share.
But I told him I made creatures. As in, plural.
She sighed. She could always make more, anyway.
“Let go of the carcass,” she said softly, hoping Gaara didn’t have superhuman hearing. The ink bird released its hold while the snake curled its body for a moment, tightening the hold like a child refusing to behave. Then it was releasing it, dropping the carcass carelessly.
As she stood up, Sakura caught the reflection of herself in the bathroom mirror. It was very different to the underfed and ghastly image she’d seen the last time. She paused then smiled and turned away.
“Come on,” she told them, and the bird hopped along the floor after her. The snake seemed hesitant, and Sakura wondered if maybe she’d done something wrong.
She reached down to grab it, and it quickly wrapped its body around her arm gently as she left the bathroom. The bird twittered as it followed and then screeched at the sight of Gaara. He raised an eyebrow at it. Sakura had no idea it could do that. It didn’t have a syrinx, or any kind of noise making membranes, in its windpipe or otherwise. She wondered if it was just because of her. Sai had never mentioned anything about his creations having the ability to make noise, let alone having personalities.
I’m cracked so they are too.
It made no sense, but she supposed it didn’t matter.
It’s probably all just in my head.
Gaara watched them curiously. Sakura watched him nervously. He made no reaction to the noises the bird was making so she decided it was just all in her head. Even if he did twitch slightly when it went to peck him. Fake birds were not faster than a Kazekage. She decided to give him a rundown of her intentions with the creatures. He listened with rapt attention and Sakura found herself becoming more and more excited that someone was hearing this. Finally. She was rambling but it was kind of fun to have someone else to share this with.
“You used them to scout the village perimeter?” He asked when her rambling finally came to an end.
Sakura nodded, unable to stop the flush from heating up her neck. Was it okay that she’d done that? Probably not. But he didn’t seem put out. Maybe he was thinking about how it could help with that councillor? Or the entire council. Or maybe it was just her wishful thinking.
“What will you do with them now?”
So much for him thinking of this strategically.
“I want to help you.”
Gaara stood and walked over to her. He stopped inches in front of her. The movement could be confused with an attempt to intimidate her, but she knew he wouldn’t do that. Instead of trying to stare her down or talk her out of it, he reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. The small part of her that still responded to romantic and kind gestures was weak at the knees right now. Not the rest of her. Just the girlish side. She swallowed heavily, overwhelmed with gratitude.
“Okay,” he said finally.
“Okay?”
He smiled. “Okay.”
Sakura laughed. “Okay.”
The way he was looking at her… she desperately wanted to kiss him. Or for him to kiss her. But she knew he wouldn’t. Gaara would not presume such a forward action. He was poised. He was a gentleman. But gods did she want him to toss that aside and just fucking snog her. Maybe get in a few gropes and pelvis grinding.
Sakura forced herself to relax, realising she’d tensed up the more she contemplated the idea of Gaara pressing her against the wall. He didn’t look fazed by her weird demeanour. The snake tightened itself around her arm for a moment, but she ignored it. It wasn’t important. Trying to figure out whether or not to grab the Kazekage and pull his face down to meet her in a soul-searing kiss was important.
She cleared her throat.
“It’s late,” he said suddenly. “I should go.”
There was a flush on his face she’d overlooked in her internal musing. She was proud of herself for that. But her stomach clenched at the thought of letting him leave right now. She nodded though. It was very late. They were both going to be sleeping in a little longer in the morning.
All that does is make me wonder what he looks like first thing in the morning. Fuck.
What were the protocols here? Kiss him on the cheek? On the mouth? Make-out heavily then act like it was no big deal? Pepper him with kisses along his jawline, down to his neck and… fuck.
Focus.
Gods. Her libido again. She wanted to give into it so bad. But Gaara wasn’t moving, and she had to make a decision. She decided to just go with a peck on the cheek. It could be excused away much easier. Sakura stood higher to peck his cheek softly but couldn’t bring herself to pull away once her lips touched him. The warmth of his skin, the bright tinging of his ears; he was as excited as she was. That’s what she told herself. Why else would her lips against him make him blush?
Maybe I could…
She took a chance and turned her face towards his. They were closer than they’d ever been, now breathing in each other’s air. Sakura remained on her tiptoes. Gaara lowered his head slightly, but not far enough.
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
When he licked his lips, she knew. Sakura tilted her chin up, angled her head to keep from knocking their noses together and pressed her lips to his softly. Their eyes closed at the same time. She parted her lips to envelop his then tugged on his bottom lip gently before pulling away completely. At the last moment, he’d opened his mouth slightly in a gasp.
No tongues were used in the making of this fucking perfect first kiss.
It was a chaste way to the end the night and despite her body wanting, no demanding more, she maintained their newfound distance, pressing a hand against his chest as they both recovered from it. Gaara had responded to her kiss, albeit in a small way. That was enough. She would continue this with him later, now that she knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. It was late and she was suddenly very, very tired.
After a few moments, he hastily repeated his goodbyes in that cool but cute bumbling way she’d learned to love and left.
She smiled widely. For the first time for a long time, Sakura could say she was profoundly happy.
.:.
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pinkanonwrites · 2 years
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I literally just got the notification of the event smh tumblr 😤 anyways i hope you dont mind me requesting a few times for the same character since you will close requests for the event tommorrow 💦 of course you dont have to do all of them! Anyways may i request for trey clover the emojis ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚❣️?
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❤️ Are they romantic?
Very! Trey cares a lot about and feels a lot of responsibility for the people he loves most, and that comes out in all the ways he tries to treat them. I feel like he'd be the type of husband to bring you home a dozen roses 'just because', not for any particular occasion, but just because he wanted to surprise you that day. A relationship with Trey is one where you have to get used to constantly being caught off-guard by his out-of-the-blue acts of sweetness.
🧡 How do they confess that they like someone?
I think Trey thinks a very long time about whether or not he'd like to confess before doing it, wanting to make sure this is absolutely what he wants to do and that it would be worth possibly risking your friendship. He'd definitely want to confess in person, maybe even bake you a little something. He's good at getting his thoughts out and making it light and low pressure, even if on the inside his heart is going a million miles a minute.
💛 Do they drop hints that they like someone and what are they?
When he's trying to drop hints, Trey does what he does best, and that's do anything he can to help you out! If there's any way that Trey can support you or help you with something you're struggling on, he'll go out of his way to do it. Besides that, he'll probably get a lot more playful and jokey with you, dropping more puns and pranks to make you laugh.
💚 What’s their type?
Someone independent, a hard worker who doesn't rely on the help of others when it comes to getting something they want. That doesn't mean you can never ask for help, far from it. But there's something really attractive to him about someone who sees something they want, knows they want it, and then just... Goes for it. No fear, no hesitation.
❣️ What makes them blush/gets their heart pounding?
Being doted on. He's used to being the one everybody relies on and comes to for help, even if that can get a little bit tedious sometimes. So being on the opposite end of the treatment, being coddled and looked out for, really throws him off his rhythm. Not that he could find it in himself to complain.~
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yandere-sins · 1 year
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🎈💞☯️ love your works for, wapecially for the COD 💕
Oh, thank you so much!! I am glad you enjoy them just as much as me ♥
🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?
Oh, it definitely changes a lot, especially when I learn about things I've been doing wrong so I proceed to use them much more to do it right, lol. Jokes aside, I think depending on how I feel things happen to be either more descriptive or more fast-paced. I don't really have a set style, though I've been told I have an interesting way of describing sometimes (which comes from my native language I think). That one seems to resurface often lol.
💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language
Characters! While I love my plot ideas, they are mostly suited to a character, not the other way around. My grammar isn't something to brag about either, but I'd never post anything if I would let that stop me lol. World-building can be fun, occasionally I find it tedious ^^'
So yeah, characters. I love thinking of how x would react and what y would do and how that ends up in the direction I want the plot to go. That's why I try around with my yandere characters a few times too, and then eventually settle on a personality that I like so I can put them into the ideal situations for them! While I think fleshing out OCs is very hard, it's also very rewarding and very, very fun. So yeah, thinking about the characters and their feelings/actions is the most fun/important part for me in writing.
☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?
Honestly I don't engage as much as I would like with others. I am also guilty of liking things I want to comment on and reblog and then forgetting them ;; However, it is definitely the right thing to do, not just if you want to build your blog but also to grow with your interest.
I think it's really important to interact with like-minded people, even just for your mental health and building a support system. But it's also super rewarding to comment on each others posts and chat about ideas! Seeing someone reply to what I said always makes me feel very giddy! Just knowing that maybe my comment made someone happy because they read what I thought, also makes me happy in return!
Something that is very important though, which maybe is hard to understand is that engagement = friendship. You guys never need to exchange a message in your life, but if you frequently come up in someone's notifs they will notice you and they'll appreciate you all the same. You're not besties because of that or need to feel obligated to chat or get a response, but it can also just be a silent support that will be appreciated just as much. It's also very likely they'll check your page and things will go from there. If a friendship forms that's great! But engagement doesn't need to be overly emotional to be good engagement.
Starting is always the hardest part so I recommend just reblogging posts that fit your blog and that you like, then you can move on to leaving comments and engaging with someone's projects (like taking part in prompt lists they created or tell them how much you enjoy their works). Also I found that if someone has a question and you message them privately it can lead to a nice chat (even if it's just short!) and both of you go out of it a little happier! :D (But please get to the point of why you are writing someone out of the blue so it's not too awkward, don't just send them a "hey" message ^^')
[Ask game]
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starrbar · 1 year
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The insidious nature of fantis
DISCLAIMER: Awhile back, I privated my Twitter to feel safer, but it still had some things on it that I don't want to cut off people's access to. And while the Wayback Machine is absolutely incredible for what it does, I find it so agonizingly tedious to load up even one page to read. It's even worse if there's images attached, each of which I have to manually open in a new tab to see, if they load at all. So I'm taking some of my old posts and reformatting them for Tumblr. This is STRICTLY FOR DOCUMENTATION PURPOSES. Do not assume these are recent events and do not EVER harass anyone!!!
This is an oldie, but a goodie. I wrote it shortly after covering the Amphibia Attacks, and the archive in the Wayback Machine can be found here.
SUMMARY: In this thread, I dissect a single Tweet that perfectly encapsulates the way fantis often move the goal post in order to continue their façade of a moral high ground, when in reality, they are simply doing whatever they can to hurt their target of the week and maintain the vitriol against that target.
Everything below the Read More is a direct paste of that thread.
Honestly, this Tweet is a microcosm of the insidious nature of fantis and other types of control freaks.
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I'm genuinely thankful they worded it this way because their true intentions come through perfectly.
A thread~ 🧵
Disclaimer: I'm white and totally uninformed about what historical stereotype or caricature this Tweet could be referring to. But I don't need to talk about that, because that's not REALLY what this Tweet is about.
Normally, I would try to see if this claim has merit, but the foundation behind it is already disingenuous.
Raebits was being attacked entirely because they were accused of drawing nsfw of minor characters. Ofc some people dismissed the notion that aging them up matters at all. But OP acknowledged the difference specifically so they could move the goal post, because while some people are okay with aged up nsfw, those same people are still generally NOT okay with racism.
OP had to look for a new, more severe reason that Alex is "problematic". Because even considering that there's some stereotype against Taiwanese people that involves servitude, it's MUCH more likely that the cause of this combination in the artwork was, uh, I don't know,,,,
the fact that maid outfits and master/slave dynamics are VERY COMMON KINKS! 🙀
To take a vague lewd drawing of a cartoon character in a maid outfit, even if she's "serving her master", and immediately assume malice from the artist, is ridiculous given these circumstances and how VAGUE these kinks are.
If Alex had, say, a pattern of taking specifically Taiwanese or even just Asian girl characters and putting them in subservient positions like that, then yeah, I would completely understand calling them out for possibly having some unchecked degrading views about those women. But instead, OP took one drawing of really basic kinks applied to one of what, three main characters? I dunno, y'all call them the "trio". That isn't evidence of ANYTHING on its own! It's just a big reach, because the true goal of bringing it up NOW is to move the goal post.
People like OP are so desperate for their self-imposed delusions to be true, and they need to drag everyone down with them. They need to control the narrative and keep people from doubting the seriousness of their "concerns".
And I mean, that should be obvious considering how many people are blaming the artists directly for "exposing people to triggering artwork" when the ONLY person who did that was phibbyburner, the one playing "hero" for the fantis.
This is not what starting a discussion looks like. OP doesn't actually want an explanation. They want to keep the blind hatred for Alex going. And it won't stop at Alex, whether they're successfully driven entirely off Twitter or not. These people will move right on to the next target of their misdirected vitriol.
"But they were drawn as their canonical adult selves.."
"Oh. Uh.. w-well… Alex is also RACIST!! Ever think about that??"
We have to be vigilant in spotting actual progressive criticism vs. bullying cloaked in its aesthetic.
OP didn't even bother to fact-check what Alex drew and settled for an "and apparently", further showing that this is less about holding someone accountable for real actions and more about already having made up their mind that the person is bad and should be shunned. I'm willing to bet OP doesn't even care whether the characters are aged up or not. They wouldn't be creating more reasons to hate Alex if they were okay with them drawing post-timeskip nsfw. But they know "they were only adults for 3 mins!" is a less effective talking point. :/ So yeah.
TL;DR: I do not buy for one second that the person who made this Tweet did it out of any genuine concern for racism, but instead as a way to keep people rallying against the person they hate this week. And this is usually what fantis do. Keep an eye out for it.
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heartxshaped-bruises · 6 months
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GET TO KNOW THE MUN !!
TAGGED BY: @lxvefrxmthextherside an eternity ago (( thx <;3 )) TAGGING: @myriadxofxmuses @mxrdershewxote @brokenblondeprincess @cursedvessels @kingdom-of-vanity @fantasycorrupted && everyone who wants to
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                                             ✧・゚ 𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄.
NAME? ----
PRONOUNS? ----
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION? Tumblr Messenger
MOST ACTIVE MUSE? That usually depends. Most of my interactions are very balanced, but there are times when I have more threads with some over others. Right now it's Alexandra and Rachel. But when it comes to inspiration for writing, my most active ones would be Emry and Joe.
EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS? I've been part of the tumblr RPC since 2015, so technically 8 years. But I've been writing for two more on ProBoards before that, so all in all 10 years of rping.
BEST EXPERIENCE? There are so many different kinds of experiences and many were great, to be honest. I don't want to single out one. Generally, the best ones are always the connections I make both with the muns OOC and between our muses, building a whole little canon universe around them. It makes it a very immersive experience and I adore that.
RP PET PEEVES? I think this whole 'reblog from the source' thing nowadays incredibly tedious and silly. I get it when it comes to memes, but not inspiration posts etc. What's the point of being mutuals if we can't share our posts with each other?
I can tell if someone reblogs a post from the source after they saw it on my blog beforehand. It doesn't change anything. It just makes it incredibly weird and awkward, imo. Kinda off-putting. Like, as if mutuals feel embarrassed about being mutuals and they want to avoid any trace of their followers on their blog. So please, for the love of the universe, feel free to reblog stuff directly from me. Don't be afraid about that. I don't mind at all <3
Another one that I see spreading on here is sending memes but never or only selectively acknowledging what that person wrote for you. It makes you feel like they only sent the meme for the sake of being a good mutual and not because they actually want to see that interaction.
FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT? Depends on the muse. Smut definitely comes in last, tho. I think I prefer angst over fluff, but both can be incredibly great to write with certain muses.
PLOTS OR MEMES? I love the whole process of plotting, ngl.
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES? Depends on the muse as well. I prefer about three paragraphs somewhere in between. Too short isn't engaging or stimulating enough for my brain, that's why I never do one-liners or shorter than a paragraph. And too long can burn me out sometimes and take me longer to respond to, so I am always worried my partners are getting impatient bc I'm low-activity, mostly.
TIME TO WRITE? I love late afternoon and in the evening hours. Right now, my new time-zone is very annoying, tho.
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES? Nah, not really. I think there are some tiny splinters in all of them, but if they were like me, I wouldn't write them. I don't find appeal in writing characters who are like myself. That's kinda boring. Like, take Emry for an example - I adore writing that dork, but he's based on one guy I had the displeasure to deal with in High School. He annoyed the hell out of me and left quite the impression. But Emry is one of my favorite muses to write, soooo... you get the gist.
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the-redcrate · 10 months
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Ooh, I’m curious! For the “choose violence” ask (choose however much violence you feel like, no pressure): 1, 3, and 20.
First off, you are literally the sweetest for sending me an ask! Secondly, we have been mutuals for so many years, and I have been on and off Tumblr, in and out of Fandom Culture for so long, that...I am not 100% sure which fandom connected us? But I'm pretty sure it was hockey (which I still read, and I still love the Hurricanes), but I don't really interact with at all. So. I really hope this whole endeavor won't be boring for you haha.
Cuz it's gonna be Stranger Things based. 😅
1.the character everyone gets wrong:
Nancy Wheeler. In fic, she's either an ex lover but good friend to Steve (and it's almost never awkward for the two of them) or she's a raging bitch. And I get it. She's a "secondary" character in the types of fic I read (typically steddie). But I really think she deserves more care and consideration. She's not a great person, but she's got awesome qualities. I'd just really like to see more nuance in Nancy when she's written in fic as a key secondary character. She doesn't need to be a cardboard prop.
3.screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr
I don't have any screenshots, and I don't typically interact in any fandom Discourse after literal years of the same ole themes popping up. But the worst take I generally see in fandom culture are the asshats who are violently in your face about moral high ground when it comes to hating a certain character (especially fictional characters—I can lend some leeway for fandoms built on RPF whose faves end up doing terrible shit IRL...but that's a whole different topic and even then I'm Live and Let Live these days). I don't care if someone else thinks writing a character I like/find interesting is a piece of shit, but don't throw it in my face by coming into my space to shit all over what makes me happy.
20. part of canon you found tedious or boring:
Hubs, who is not a fan of ST, but was in the room when I binge-watched season 4 for the first time will attest to the fact that I couldn't care less about Hopper in Russia or El recovering her powers and confronting One (I did watch and teared up during the scene when El killed Papa). I literally fast-forwarded through all those storylines. Hubs was baffled and annoyed by this as he had been tangentially paying attention 😈And this was BEFORE I was shipping Steve and Eddie. I have always been more into the kids figuring out and fighting the Upside Down than the rest of canon events.
Lol after answering these, maybe I don't have the most violent takes on stuff? But it was fun to share my opinions. Thank you for asking, friend! 💟💟💟
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