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love-lilly02 · 2 months

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The Challenge: Chapter 6

Chapter warnings: Talk of insomnia, torture, not eating, depression, brief hyperseuxual mention, physical and mental scars, nightmares (please let me know if i missed any or if any need to be added!)

“MIA”

The words bore into his mind, tore a hole in his frontal lobe. He felt like he was drowning, sinking deeper into a black pit, the dark whispers of your voice and the blaring words of black text against a white screen.

“MIA”

They haunted him, day and night, hour after hour. when he blinked the words were there, when he ate the hologram of them passed in his view.

Never, in his life had he had to suffer with someone being marked as MIA. he had dealt with deaths, he had survived both others trauma along side his own. He had watched teammates get blown up, shot down, stabbed dozens of times.

They all recovered or died.

None of them went missing.

None of them haunted him like you did.

Sometimes, he would hear your voice calling to him. He could be filing paperwork, sitting in the mess hall, doing fucking anything.

And you were there.

Asking him to double check your mission reports, wondering what he was doing, if he was hungry, wanted to get something to eat. Sometimes, he would swear on his boys life that you were behind him, sneaking up to scare him like you always did. and he would wait, see if you realized he had heard you coming from a mile away, heard you whisper “scare cam” into your phone camera. He waited and waited, till your calming presence turned into a threatening one, till you weren’t holding a camera but a knife, a gun to his head.

Those were the worst. That and the nightmares.

He had stopped sleeping since you left, to afraid of the version of you he saw in his dreams. You terrified him, and not in the good way you used too. You would kick and scream at him, say it was his fault for allowing the mission, his fault for not watching you closer, his fault you disappeared. You would scream and beg the Russians to leave you alone, sob that you didn’t know anything, you had no clue what was going on, who they were, that you just wanted to go home.

You wanted your boys.

And you would scream for their help, call each of their names in turn. That’s what always got him, hearing your blood curdling scream as you were cut into again, burned again, slapped again. And every time he screamed back, every time he tried to move, tried to help you, but he was rooted in place, stuck in this hell forever.

Yeah. Sleep became a foreign concept.

The others noticed. Of course they noticed. Each of them had their own way of dealing with your disappearance, but it showed. Simon would have to double wrap his hands at the gym, Kyle stopped eating for weeks at a time. Johnny was just quiet.

It scared him. Your loss scared him. It scared him how loosing one person was able to break apart his team, the men who made it through thick and thin. And he had seen these same men live without each other, on solo ops or when one of them was hurt. They missed each other, sure. And it hurt like fuck to not have the other fourth there, like a piece was missing.

But not this. Never this.

This was new. This was raw, this was foreign.

This was hell.

And as far as he knew, no one was lucky enough to crawl out of it alive.

Exhaustion tugged at your body, dragging you down with every step.

sleep was a foreign concept, something you abandoned back at the Russian base.

You abandoned a lot at that base.

You abandoned them.

You told yourself that they didn’t care, they didn’t give a fuck if you left the team. They wouldn’t care if you never came back, if you just disappeared without a trace. Protocol stated that, with the way you went out, you were to be declared as MIA for seven years before you could be presumed to be dead. It wouldn’t take you seven years to get back to base, but it would take you way longer to get over what happened.

Much. Much longer.

It was an illusion, honestly. Something all basic magicians could perform, but not with a grenade. It was that or be shot down, although you were beginning to think being shot was the better option. It was certainly easier to deal with a bullet wound than second degree burns.

Maybe. You had never been shot before, who were you to know?

Anything had to be better than this. The burns scraped against the material of your suit, sending your body into intense amounts of pain with every step. It felt like someone was pulling you through a cheese grater, constantly, until you were nothing but shredded meat and skin.

The price you have to pay to live.

In order for the “trick” to work, you had to throw the grenade right at your feet. Which meant that your soles and legs were the most burnt, whereas your torso and upper body only suffered mild burns. Your hands were done for, completely charred to the point you could hardly flex your fingers anymore.

The reasoning behind that was your escape. Once you had thrown the grenade down, you used the five seconds it bought you to flip over the drain cover you were standing next too, effectively falling into the sewers and out of bullet range.

The cover, however, was red hot from the impact.

You would take it over being a goner.

Everyone else probably thought you were dead, or had died from the resulting explosion. You didn’t know if enough blood was left for it to be believable, you hoped so at least, that bought you some time. Immediately upon hitting the water you went radio silent, cringing at the disgusting slop that came up to your waist. Being in the water helped a bit, allowed the burns to be surrounded by something that was at least cool.

Open air did the exact opposite.

You weren’t sure exactly where you were, some rural town in Russia, that’s for sure. The only reason you could tell that was because of the signs that you saw every so often, each one written on in their harsh language. Of all the things you studied, Russian was among your least favorite, and while you were conversational you couldn’t read it to save your life.

A fucking shame, really.

Which left you to the next best thing, pray to some god for a way out of this hell.

There was a list of things Johnny McTavish hated to do. It wasn’t a very long list, but it was there, in some corner of his mind.

He hated being forced to stay still, he hated being told to be quiet when he was overexcited. He hated confined spaces, and— in the wrong situations— he hated being tied up.

But the number one thing on that list, the thing he despised the absolute most was disappointing his boys. Tied, of course, with making them worry. Just the thought was enough to make him spiral, a fact that had been proven dozens of times.

And a fact that was not helping his case right now.

Truth be told, he didn’t mean to switch up on them. He understood that they were used to Johnny always being loud and obnoxious, that it was something they had come to love about him, how even in their worst moments he was able to at least make them smile.

Which was the problem. This was a pretty bad moment, and he couldn’t even make himself smile.

And he had tried, honestly. Not in front of the others— he couldn’t embarrass himself like that— but alone, he tried doing some of the things he would do on a good day. Drawing, dancing, cleaning his rifles.

But he just… couldn’t.

Johnny was no stranger to depressive episodes, he experienced them all the time in his youth. Of course, back then he would have a quick fuck and make himself feel better, or maybe a few rounds from a few different people, but now adays that old trick didn’t work anymore. Usually he would just stay with Simon, talk it through with him.

But that wasn’t really possible. Not with this problem.

He hadn’t realized just how much the team was dependent on your being there, how different things were without your presence. You balanced things out perfectly, acted as a moderator for the four of them.

It was no surprise they fell for you. Anyone would have, after all.

It kind of reminded him of some Shakespeare play, or like a hallmark movie. They found you, fell in love, never said anything, and they lost you.

In any other situation that thought would have made him chuckle.

Now it just makes him even sadder.

He wants to help, he wants to do something. He wishes he could make the nightmares Price has go away, he wishes he could make Simon understand that no amount of training could prepare him for the situation you had found yourself in. He wished he could make Gaz eat something, anything, with the thought that you wouldn’t want him to starve, you wouldn’t want anyone to hurt themselves in the way the four of them were doing.

That didn’t stop them from doing it, of course, but he still wished.

Salvation came in the form of a video.

Gaz had called a mandatory meeting, claiming it was something of the utmost importance. They all met in Prices office, cramping into the small space.

Soap and Ghost took a seat on the couch, leaning into each other slightly. Price stayed at his desk, mounds of paperwork shoved to the side for Gaz to sit, perched as if he would have to make a run for something at any given moment.

They stayed quiet for a while, all of them just drinking in the atmosphere.

This wasn’t unusual, being called into the office like this. Usually it was by Price, who wanted to either scold them for their behavior or inform them of a mission. The only difference was your absence, your spot on the doorway glaringly empty. It felt like a black hole, sucking them deeper and deeper into their depression. The tense silence of the room didn’t help at all, and it was making each of them antsy.

“Right.” Gaz said simply. “Gonna keep this brief, then.”

He removed a computer— which the others hadn’t noticed was there— from his lap and placed it on the desk for everyone to see. A video was pulled up, paused on a black screen.

“Not before her junior year, but it’s bloody close.” Gaz mumbled, clicking start on the video.

After a few seconds of silence, your face came up on the screen, sitting next to a girl they don’t recognize. She begins talking first, introducing herself as Amy. Your voice fills the room next, proudly saying your name and grade, the very beginning of your junior year. You opened your mouth to keep going, before Amy turned to you and laughed.

“Fuck wait I forgot my grade.” You stared at her for a while, and then rolled your eyes, cutting the footage. The video resumed in much of the same fashion, and they realized what this was.

A blooper reel, for something you had tried auditioning for.

As the video continued, it slowly became more clear what the audition was— a performance at your school. You and your friend kept goofing off during the recording, resulting in multiple takes of one clip, regardless of how long it was. For some of them, you would press record and step away from the camera, then just start laughing uncontrollably.

It took a long time to realize that they had forgotten your laugh. Having gone weeks without hearing it was hard, and watching a younger, clearly happier you laugh so freely was odd for them to see. Your face was just about clear, missing some of the scars you now possessed from your years of experience with field work.

You were right, you did look different.

“Where did you find this?” Price asked, leaning forward. The glasses he used to read had long ago been thrown on the desk, all his attention on the computer in front of him.

“Did some digging.” Was all Gaz said.

It was all the answer they needed.

They watched the video all the way through the end, and when it finished they watched it again. And again. Till the sound of your laugh was engraved in their minds, till they were able to smile along with your jokes without having to wait for your explanation, till it felt like you were right in the room with them.

Finally, the video stopped repeating, and the office was quiet again. Simon tugged off the mask and ran a hand over his face, signing loudly. “She’s got seven years before we can jump to conclusions.”

“I think if i tried to jump right now, I’d fall flat on my face.” Price said, leaning back in his chair. The office went silent again, before a quiet chuckle came from Soap. He covered his moth quickly, failing to suppress his giggles at Price's statement.

If there was one thing the boys loved about Johnny it’s that his laughter was infectious. Once he started laughing, Gaz was smiling at him, and Ghost was smiling at Gaz’s smiling at Soap’s laughter. Eventually they were all giggling, each at each other in turn.

“Fuck—“ Soap said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Even when she’s not ‘ere she’s makin’ us laugh.”

“She’ll be back. Seven years couldn’t keep our girl away from us.”

“Our girl, eh?” Simon asked, throwing an arm around Johnny’s shoulders. Soap leaned into Simon’s side, smiling against his chest.

“Our girl.” Price confirmed, nodding. “No matter what happens, challenge be dammed, she’s our girl. Nothing’s changing it.”

“Excuse me sir? Do you speak english?”

“We no take foreigners-“

“Please—“ You begged, looking at him with your best puppy dog eyes. You watch as his gaze trails up and down your body, stopping at the marks on your hands. "Please I really need your help.”

The man looks around for a moment, double checking that no one is around before he grabs you by your collar and pulls you inside harshly. He closes the door, grumbling for you to sit in the kitchen.

You follow his instruction, taking a seat in the too cramped space. You watch as he moves around the room, throwing things into a pot and getting different medicines from the cabinets, mumbling to himself in Russian all the time.

After a few moments of tense silence, the man places a small container full of white ointment on the table.

"Will help with burns," He says.

As if that explains anything?

You let it go, however and smile at him in thanks. The moment you put the cream on your hands you fight the urge to scream at just how badly it burns, opting instead to bite your tounge till you can taste the blood in your mouth.

The man watches you struggle, and takes a seat across from you.

“You American spy?”

“No, sir, I just work for the army.”

The man nods, standing up “You will have more burns, I leave you to apply the rest.”

He walks out of the kitchen, and you hear the closing of a door some feet away. For a brief moment, you consider the thought that he might have cameras in the kitchen, that he's watching you on his phone through the system.

Just as quickly, you dismiss the thought. The man is absolutely huge, not Simon level but pretty close. If he wanted to do something to you he would have.

As it did with your hands, the ointment burned on each part of your body. It was like getting blown up all over again, and you kept your teeth grit so as to not scream out. Once you finish, however, you do feel better.

Slightly.

You leave the kitchen, wrapping the tatters of your suit around your body in a makeshift robe. Just outside of the room you see a set of clothes laid out, as well as a pair of gloves that look slightly too large for your hand size.

By the time you finish dressing, the man is back, carrying some vegetables with him.

“Who do you work for?” He asks, grabbing a knife from a drawer. You watch in awe as he makes quick work of the mound of food that was in his hands, throwing it into the pot without a second glance.

“A task force, sir.”

“The one four one?”

The room is dead quiet. For a moment, the only sound that can be heard is the boiling of water, and you take a cautious step back towards the front door. Running isn't something you want to do, and you're pretty sure it's not something you're 100% capable of, but if you had to get out of here you were willing to risk your health further.

Anyways, you still had that ointment. Technically that's all you really needed, and he wouldn't have given it to you if he didn't want you to use it.

“How did you-"

“Nikolai." He interrupts, holding out his hand. "I worked with them a long time ago."

You remember the name, it was heard in dozens of the stories Gaz and Price have told you about their missions before you joined. You take his hand, biting back a wince at the sting of your burns against the gloves.

“Do you think you could help me get back?”

AN: VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Hey guys, so while technically this is late i was hoping we could just ignore that fact for a while. If you couldn't tell by the contents of this chapter, this fic is going to take a darker turn than i even thought (this whole thing is written on impulse, i only have the reader's backstory planned and that's it) Future chapters will feature mental health issues, and some abuse so i just wanted to release an early viewer discretion to warn anyone who wouldn't be comfortable reading that stuff.

I promise i'll give you guys a fluffy BTS to make up for this angst bomb. Hope you enjoyed!

My Masterlist

#cod x reader #poly 141 x reader #task force 141 x reader #poly 141 #simon riley x reader #john price x reader #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost x reader #141 au #141 x you #cod #tf 141 #call of duty

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mrsparrasblog · 1 month

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Makarov x Price Daughter pt.5

Ngl I was sobbing when I wrote it, when you come to the price part listen to "Slipping through my fingers" will make it better.

Im unsure about if we want a Price or Makarov ending, because the next chapter will be the last.

Previous part. next part

You were surprised by how much freedom you had since you accepted his proposal. You could walk around Russia, of course, with your guards because you knew how dangerous life could be, especially without Vlad, who always protected you.

You even found friends Vlad introduced you to Milena, and you always had a blast. She was funny and confident, and you liked that.

Today, you were shopping for a wedding dress, and Vlad gave you his card. You knew nothing was off-limits; you were well off. You didn’t know much, just that he was filthy rich. When people saw you walking in, knowing you were the future Mrs. Makarov, they literally bowed. The press called you the princess of Russia, and you felt like one. You picked out the dress of your dreams without going overboard, but you looked stunning. You asked the tailor to make it adjustable. By the rate you and Vlad had sex since the engagement, you wouldn’t wonder if you were already pregnant.

Sometimes you forget about all the circumstances you met. Maybe it was biology protecting you, or maybe your big heart thinking about how no one in your life ever treated you better than him. Did anyone even miss you from your old life? Certainly not, or your Dad would have at least found you. He was a special ops captain, so if he wanted to, he would.

“Моя жена, why are you crying? We will be wed tomorrow; you should be happy,” he asked. He slowly got used to your overly sensitive character; of course, he saw you as a weak dear, but that made the appeal. In his position, having a wife was a luxury; having a soft, innocent wife was like a status symbol to him. Other people in his position kept their private lives hidden. But he was Vladimir Makarov. He didn’t have to fear anything; he could show you around everywhere like a prize, and his enemies wouldn’t even dare to cross him.

“Just sad that Dad won't walk me down the aisle,” you admitted.

You missed your Dad; you always would, even if he was a shitty dad. He was all you had for years until Vlad changed everything for you. Now, he was all you needed and depended on. Even if you would want to leave, you knew you can’t. You were too well-known here; all your money belonged to him. God, his name was tattooed on your soft skin, a claim he wanted to give you before marrying you.

“I invited him, моя жена,” you couldn’t believe him; he invited your Dad, he really did it.

“You did?”

“Everything for you, princess.”

You crunched over the toilet seat a few hours before your wedding, holding the stick close that could determine your whole life. In these moments, you missed your best friend or someone you could talk to. You loved Vlad with all your heart; you really did. After everything he did for you, how couldn’t you? It was needed. But still, sometimes, a small, faint little voice in your head screamed at you, telling you he kidnapped you. But he saved you from a miserable life, didn’t he?

You peed on that damn stick, waiting for the results to finally show. Should you be happy, sad, or what? The result didn’t surprise you, though. It would be okay; you knew it would be coming, and you loved kids, right?

Your bridesmaids helped you with the wedding dress, hair, and makeup, and you were prepared now to walk down the aisle, unfortunately without your father bringing you to the supposed love of your life. The church was decorated luxuriously with all the flowers you could only imagine, and you walked towards the men who looked at you like you were the only woman on earth, suddenly, your doubts went silent as you almost ran towards him at the altar.

“Today I can finally call you Mrs. Makarov,” he whispered in your ear.

“You call me your wife for a year.”

“But now it's real,” he smiled at you, kissing your forehead, and the ceremony started. You were happy about your Russian teacher so you understood everything. You were surprised that he prepared his own vows; you thought it would be the fast “I promise to be with you through sickness and health” to not appear vulnerable, but he did it for you, showing you it was real. The man unable to love—loved you.

“My Princess,

As I stand here today, I cannot help but laugh at the twists of fate that have brought us together. In a life marked by shadows and violence, you emerged as a beacon of light—a flicker of hope in a world tainted by darkness.

Lying, cheating, and betraying were never hard for me and never will be. I could promise you to change, be the man you deserve, and be a good man who will never lie to you or hurt anyone else. But I've decided to not lie to you today or any day in my life.

I make no promises of transformation, for I am who I am, a man stained by the choices I've made. But in you, I've found something worth protecting, worth fighting for. You, with your unwavering faith in me, have softened the edges of my hardened soul. Your love has shown me glimpses of a life beyond the one I've known—a life filled with love, laughter, and the simple joys I never dared to dream of or never even knew could be possible for a man like me.

I may not change for you, my love, but I vow to stand by your side, to shield you from the consequences of my actions, to love you fiercely in the only way I know how.

I promise to never let anything happen to you, to protect you from my enemies. I promise you that I will burn the whole world down for you without a second of hesitation. I promise to kill for you, fight for you, and cherish you.

I promise to never look at another woman the way I look at you. Then, in a world where I am defined by my sins, you see beyond the labels, beyond the façade, beyond the money, the power, to the flawed man beneath. You fell in love with Vladimir and not Vladimir Makarov. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

With every beat of my heart, I choose you. And I promise you, if death takes us apart, I'll pull your hand and bring you back from the death and find you in every other life. For better or for worse, in this life and the next, you are mine, and I am yours.“

You almost cried. You thought about a lot of things, but not this kind of vows. It was almost vulnerable if you forgot the killing part, and the longer you looked at his beautiful eyes, you almost forgot the way you got to know him or that your dad, your best friend, and no one you really knew was here. Did it really matter? If he is here, you are safe and cherished. Now it was time for your vows.

“Vlad—sorry for the sobbing,” you laughed, removing the tears before you continued your vows.

“When we first met, I didn’t know who you were. You were just Vlad to me, and this was the man I fell in love with—the man who taunted me for my mint chocolate chip ice cream.

The circumstances we became a couple were odd, but I'm a long time away from despising you. You gave me the safety, guidance, and attention I longed for my whole life. It was like you slowly found your way into a missing piece of my heart, and I know loving you isn’t easy. Exactly like loving me will be hard, but I promise to always support you, cherish you, and never judge you for a day in my life.

I promise to accept you the way you are and never make you doubt my love for you.”

You kissed, and the wedding was final; you were Mrs. Makarov now, with a child in your womb he didn’t even know of. Of course, you knew he would be more than happy about this; it's what he wanted. He carried you out of the church with ease where you got to eat bread with salt, a Russian wedding tradition you never heard of.

When you thought the church looked posh, you were even more surprised about the reception. Every guest was clothed fine with tuxedos and high-fashion dresses. The guests were mostly influential people from around the world. You knew Vlad loved you, but you also couldn’t deny the political effect your wedding had. Vlad wanted even more than what he already had; he thought about getting a lead political role in Russia, operating not only from the background but from the front, and the way you charmed your way into the hearts of the Russian citizens was perfect for his plan. Everyone loved you, how nice and down to earth you were, the 10,000 photoshoots with orphans and rescued dogs helped him, and you were such a good wife helping him to reach his goals. But he didn’t talk about his goals with you, telling you to not worry your pretty head about it.

The ceiling was with opulent Chandelier; everywhere were your favorite kind of flowers. A huge buffet filled with caviar, lobster, truffle, and every delicacy you knew and everything you could dream of was there. It was like a wedding out of a Disney movie, just with a champagne tower. „Don periogn,“ the waiter said as he gave you a glass, which you declined; alcohol wasn’t in for you right now.

Your husband greeted the guests and then clung his glass of champagne to your orange juice, his head moved to your pulsing neck, and his breath ran hot, making your hair go up. „Congratulations Mrs. Makarov, I hope it will be a boy,“ he whispered in your ear, his hand slowly trailing down to the barely noticeable bump on your belly where his heir would grow.

„How do you know?“

„Your breasts are bigger, you are more moody, and you drink orange juice on your own wedding,“ he said, looking at you as if you were dumb for even questioning his deduction skills.

You started your wedding dance, and it went smoothly and romantically; how couldn’t it after all the dancing lessons you two had? You even had a bit of etiquette lessons with Milena, which were honestly fun. While one part of your brain screamed for you to wake up, telling you this isn’t the dream you thought of, more of a nightmare, the other part of your brain enjoyed this, how much power you had, how Vlad treated you, and how you were the center of attention right now. The press loved you; everyone loved you, everyone just not your Dad, you thought.

“Captain, why do we have tuxedos on?” Kyle complained outside of the big building that had more security than the NATO meetings.

“We can’t just storm in with gear, sneaky, we have an invitation,” they walked in, making them confused about how easy that was; maybe it was a trap from Makarov, but Price didn’t care as long as he had you back.

When they walked inside the wedding, they saw your wedding dress, how you were wrapped in Vlad's arm like a priceless possession, and how happy you looked.

“Aye, didn’t tell us your daughter was such a looker, Cap,” Soap commented, not able to keep his eyes from your beautiful frame, earning a punch from Ghost for his unprofessional behavior. Your dad was too deep in his thoughts to acknowledge Soap's banter.

He looked at you, realizing how he missed your wedding. He didn’t care about the circumstances anymore; he wasn’t Captain Price anymore; he was the man you called Dad so many times. He never got the chance to walk you down the aisle, how he intended to; he never helped you pick out the dress of your dreams, telling a man he would kill them if they touched you; he missed all of it. And if he was true to himself, he missed even more by his behavior towards you. Of course, he was young when he got you, but he never will experience your graduation that he missed, never saw you dancing Clara in the Nutcracker in your pink tutu.

He got only pulled deeper into his feelings the longer he watched you swirl around; this was it; he could kill Makarov, but it didn’t change the fact that you aren’t his little girl anymore. You will never ask him to look under your bed for monsters; you will never run to his bed again, snuggling his hairy body after a nightmare; you will never hold his hand while you get a shot; you won’t even live in the same apartment anymore. You were leaving him, and for the first time in his life, he didn’t care about appearing strong anymore, and his tears fell down, admiring you, the girl he would do anything for, his little girl all grown up. And for once, he didn’t have a plan on how to save you, or how to approach this situation, he just watched and cried.

Tag list: @multifand0midi07 , @whos-fran , @cassiecasluciluce , @the-faceless-bride , @paintlavillered

#captain john price #john price #tf 141 x reader #call of duty #cod x reader #cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod #cod makarov #call of duty makarov #vladimir makarov #makarov x reader #makarov x you #cod mw #call of duty modern warfare #cod modern warfare #hurt/comfort

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la-petite-lapin · 5 months

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Double the Love | Part One

Double the Love masterlist

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x female civilian!OC Word Count: 1.2k Series warnings (may update between chapters): 18+, Minors DNI, angst, death, mentions of violence, injury description, eventual explicit sexual content, polyamory, M/M/F, FMC is bad at feelings

How it all started

I wake up to the first knock.

The apartment is warm, despite the fact that it's the second month into winter, and quiet. Peaceful, even. Winnie is probably already at work. The café doesn't need me for at least another hour.

I turn my head to look at the clock on the nightstand. 8 a.m. I can't think of a single reason why someone would be knocking here so early, so I roll over and try to go back to sleep, thinking that I might've just imagined it. Last night was a long one. I couldn't fall asleep, so I stayed awake watching endless reruns of Friends until - at 3 a.m. - I finally knocked out.

It's times like these, when the insomnia kicks in and I feel completely alone, when I can't wait for Alex to be home.

Alex, my heroic older brother. The SAS soldier always on some mission or other to save the world. He's on another top secret op at the moment, but last time we spoke he said that it looked like they'd be home at the end of the month. The new unit he's been assigned to have been keeping him occupied. He couldn't tell me much on the call, but it sounds like they've welcomed him into the fold with open arms, just like all the other units he's worked with in the past. That and he's still worried about me - something that he's been in a perpetual state of since the dawn of time.

Hopefully he'll be home soon though.

Just as my eyes start to close, there's another knock at the door. This one's more persistent.

Definitely not in my imagination.

I throw the covers to the side, adjusting the hem of the heavy knitted sweater I fell asleep in to make sure that it's people-appropriate, and stepping into my slippers as I make a beeline for the door. I drag my feet out of my bedroom and down the hallway towards the front door.

When I open it, my heart drops into the pit of my stomach.

There's a tall man with light brown hair and a beanie standing out in the hallway. His dark eyes are tired but kind, a thick scruffy beard covering his jawline as he stands there, hands behind his back, feet shoulder-width apart. He takes one look at my slight frame, half-hidden behind the door and closes his eyes, shaking his head with a quiet, "Bloody fucking hell."

I tilt my head to one side, confused. I'm just about to ask him if I know him when he says, "Are you Talia Keller? Alex's sister?"

Just like that, my heart starts thundering inside my ribcage. I reach out to put a hand on the doorframe, knowing that it's all I can do to stop my knees from buckling.

The stranger on my doorstep meets my eyes once again and I can see it.

"Please...no-"

He shakes his head, those kind eyes refusing to shy away from my tear-filled gaze. "It is with deep regret and my upmost sympathy that I am here to inform you of the death of your brother, Operations Officer Alex Keller. He died on active duty, contributing to a rescue mission that, because of his sacrifice, saved a lot of lives." I choke on a sob. "I am so very sorry for your loss."

My vision blurs and the sound that leaves my mouth is horrible. It's a sob, so loud and violent that I almost can't believe I made it. "No," I whimper.

"May I come inside?" the stranger asks, nodding past me at the empty apartment. His hands aren't behind his back now. They're in front of him, palms open like he's placating a wounded animal.

My own sobbing eclipses any other noise in the hallway as I take a few shaky steps back, giving him access to the doorway. He walks inside slowly, like he's giving me time to take the unspoken invitation back. I don't.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep myself from falling apart. But my brother is dead. My sweet, perfect brother who I'll never see again.

"I- oh god, I'm going to be sick," I manage to choke out, stumbling back until I hit the side of my armchair.

The stranger swoops in then, gently easing me down onto the sofa. I shouldn't let him - shouldn't have let this man into my home. He could be anyone. But he spoke about Alex with the reverence of someone who knew him personally. He must of to be here now, telling me this awful, fucked up news.

I tip forward, my head finding my hands as I cradle myself, my whole body shaking with the effort of not crumbling to the ground.

Alex was all I had left. We were orphans: each other's only living relatives. Now I'm alone.

"Is there anyone I could call for you?" the man asks, his gravelly voice even softer than it was to begin with. I hate his sympathy with a passion, but I don't have the energy to call him on it. "You shouldn't be alone at a time like this. Alex told me that the two of you were very close."

The words bring a fresh wave of pain ripping straight through my heart.

His question reminds me of Winnie. She's already made enough sacrifices for me; I can't pull her away from her work. I don't know what to do. There's no one else I can call. It was Alex and Winnie. Winnie and Alex. No one else.

"Alex was... he was all I had." The words both sound and feel pathetic as they leave my mouth. I lift my head and see that he's watching me, dark eyes far from judgemental. "I can't- I don't know what..."

"Look," he says softly, one large paw of a hand coming to rest on my upper arm, his warmth radiating through the thick cable-knit. "Take a deep breath for me. He wouldn't want this for you."

We sit there for a while as I calm myself down, getting through the worst of hyperventilating. Slowly, the tears come to a weak ebb. A numbness fills me; a disbelief that he's truly gone.

"I know that this is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but we had him cremated. It was written in his file that that's what he wanted. We'll send the ashes and his dog tags to you as per his request." He shifts in the armchair. I can't help but notice just how haunted he looks as he meets my gaze. "My name is Captain Price, but you can call me John. I was your brother's unit commander. You might not want to talk to me right now - might blame me even - and I understand that, but I'll leave my personal phone number here with you. If you ever need anything, anything at all, please call me."

I nod softly, rubbing my knuckles along the undersides of my eyes. "Thank you, John."

He nods once then stands up, the muscles of his thighs straining against the sandy-khaki material of his cargos. Instead of heading straight for the door, he walks across to the desk, opening Winnie's smiley face notepad and writing a number down on the first blank page. His number.

I don't look up when he leaves. The door closes with a soft click and then - just like Alex - he's gone.

a/n: hey guys! hope y'all liked part one. don't worry - you'll meet the guys very soon... sorry if this part was a little bit boring, just want to set the scene before all the good stuff happens 🙃 - see ya soon, lapetitelapin

#cod #fanfic #ghoap x reader #ghost x reader x soap #simon “ghost” riley x reader #soap x reader #callofduty #cod fanfic #cod x reader #ghost x reader #romance #angst #poly #female reader #johnny mactavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish x reader #johnny x reader x simon #throuple #double the love

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hiraya-rawr · 1 year

Note

You mentioned reading alot of found family on Ao3? Could we have some recommendations? (I am starving for some good found family fics rn)

MY FAVORITE GENSHIN AO3 WORKS // ALL COMPLETED

// This took so long because I had to compile my absolute favorites for found family 😌 everything here is complete, everything here wrecked me. TW DO NOT READ WHEN YOU'RE BUSY BECAUSE I GOT HOOKED. OP I'm so glad you asked me-

Song of Resistance: Frostborn Loyalty by TheOpticalMouse

Song of Resistance: Flames of Defiance by StrangeDiamond

// Diluc and Kaeya and the rest of Mondstadt. The Fatui takes over Mond and they band together forming the resistance to take it back. They should be read together!!, includes a lot of other beloved characters, they're actually selling a book for it with illustrations by @f-ai-n and I'm planning on getting it (if it weren't for the shipping fee that costs more than the book). There's a specific order to read the chapters to make both stories fit together, please take the time to read it!

The Burden Of Memories by The Optical Mouse // series // DILUC GETS AMNESIA bc of the abyss AND THINKS KAEYA IS STILL HIS BROTHER. A LOT OF ANGST. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?? made me sob at 2am twice.

Watcher of the Night by nacaratskies // series // the reincarnation-turn back time AU with Diluc. He dies at 22, wakes again as a 17 y/o. Everyone notices he's changed. 17 y/o kaeya is worried but diluc doesn't give af. (lots of angst and screaming. poor kaeya, poor diluc, poor everyone, made me cry)

no love lost, not for him by li2 // series // familial hanahaki disease with Kaeya who doesn't believe he's loved and is dying from it. lots of comfort, unreliable narrator

Lost in the Underground by Quontice // series // for the horror lovers out there <3 Kaeya goes missing and something sinister lurks underground. Diluc tries to find him.

Home is Where my Brother Lays by Trashbin2020 // series // I CRIED. Two different timelines crashing. Kaeya "dies" and "lives again" in a world where Cavalry Captain Diluc lost his brother. Whereas, Diluc is desperate to get him back.

[COMIC] Voices in Ice and Snow by 4dango // art, comic // albedo gets corrupted by during, angst and action. made me love albedo, and fall for diluc even more.

The call is coming by actualromeo // fic // what if the chasm quest which affected the hilichurls also affected kaeya?

And here are some similar works that I've yet to finish but has the potential of being a favorite:

Oh, How Inconvenient by DiamondDove / series

The Rise of Diluc Ragnvindr by @richardgraysonpercyjackson / 4 arcs, a rollercoaster

Can Everyone in Mondstadt Just CHILL OUT For a Second?? by Anonemoni / series

Dawn's Alibi by Primarina / series

#hira replies #ao3 genshin #genshin found family #genshin familial #ragbros #genshin impact #ao3 #fic rec #genshin recommendations #hira recommends

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loopspoop · 3 months

Text

Finally back from the prisons of writers block, illness, and college with Chapter 11! I think it’s good but better things are to come!

TW: flashbacks, trauma, medical trauma, nightmares

About a week later, Jigen sat on the couch downstairs watching the late night news. They hadn’t rigged the TV set to get every channel worldwide like they had at other hideouts, but it was nice to smoke and listen to some French guy ramble on about grape crops when he couldn’t sleep. Maybe the events of the past few weeks were more taxing on his insomnia than he would care to admit, but he wouldn’t keep the others from sleeping just because he couldn’t. He was honestly glad they were sleeping, especially since Lupin had been a bit restless lately. Maybe it was because they were weening him off his pain meds? Either way, the gunman was happy everyone was resting, even if he wasn’t.

He had gotten halfway into a doze when a shriek sent him bolting into a seated position. What the fresh hell was that-? Another blood curdling scream made his hair stand on end. That was Lupin screaming. Lupin was screaming. Shit, shit, shit! Jigen quickly stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray, taking the stairs two at a time as he hauled ass to Lupin’s bedroom door. He met a frazzled looking Zenigata and an extremely spooked Fujiko at the door, Lupin’s shrieking picking up in pitch and volume as Goemon threw the door open frantically.

“He just began to scream I don’t- I don’t understand!” Goemon bit his lip, quickly going back to Lupin’s side

Jigen followed quickly. “Is he dreamin’-?”

“He was. Then he just started to scream like this and I can’t calm him!” Goemon frowned, trying to soothe the screaming thief.

Lupin sat in the bed, eye wide as he clutched at his head and screamed. Nothing appeared wrong outwardly, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t some internal issue. For all they knew he could be bleeding inside or a piece of his cybernetics broke off and was bouncing around against his brain or something!

“MY HEAD! MY HE-HEAD!!” Lupin wailed, tears streaming from his face as he trembled and grasped at the bandages around his eye. “STOP- .STOP IT! ITS B-BREAKING! STO-OP!” He choked out between ragged breaths and cries.

“Damnit, he’s having some sort of flashback!” Zenigata frowned, making sure there wasn’t anything remotely dangerous in the thief’s vicinity.

“What do we do-?” Fujiko frowned worriedly, trying to keep Lupin from pulling his bandages off or his cybernetics out.

“We need to remind him that it’s safe here! It’s just a memory!” Jigen frowned, making sure Lupin wouldn’t lash out and clock Fujiko in the face.

“LET ME GO! GAH-!” Lupin cried out suddenly, back arching as he threw his head back and shrieked. “IT HURTS! STOP IT, PLE-PLEASE, STOP IT!”

Zenigata narrowed his eyes, quickly getting onto the bed behind Lupin before wrapping his arms around him. Restraint wasn’t exactly something to try on someone having a flashback, but if bought them some time to try to problem solve without Lupin lashing out at them by mistake. They needed something to ground him into reality.

“Find something to get him calm, quick!” Jigen ordered, looking around the room for anything to help.

“Here!” Fujiko quickly pulled one of Lupin’s watches out from the bedside table. “It’s the old one he broke!”

Of course! Lupin had a habit of rubbing the leather straps on the watches he owned until they wore down enough to break. They just had to use that to ground him! Zenigata quickly took the thief’s hand, guiding his fingers to feel along the worn grooves in the watch’s band. Lupin struggled and cried out, hands shaking as they tried to fight against the inspectors bigger hands and firm grip.

“Lupin, breathe. You’re safe. You’re here with us. Nobody can hurt you here. Remember?” Fujiko frowned, gently rubbing his arm.

Lupin glanced across the room, gaze far away and clouded. Slowly, he began to move from face to face, struggling less as his screaming turned into gasps and sobs. He slowly dropped his hands, anxiously searching the room as he whined low on his throat. He was here with them…of course he was. How did he forget that? Where had he gone?

“There we go.” Jigen nodded, carefully sitting in front of him. “You with us?”

Lupin nodded weakly, body relaxing back into Zenigata quietly. The inspectors jacket provided a place to hide…and he was a lot warmer than the air in the bedroom.

“Are you hurting anywhere?” Goemon looked down at him worriedly, gently cupping his face.

Lupin bit his lip, eyes shifting anxiously as he pressed more against Zenigata. Hurt..he hurt. Was he hurt? Why was he hurting? Was the doctor around? The doctor-! He quickly tried to get at his bandages. His head- he had to see if his head was broken. He remembered it was broken. The sounds…the blood…he had to make sure!

“Lupin, easy.” Jigen took his hands, frowning. “Is your head hurtin’? Can you tell us what you’re feelin’?”

Lupin trembled, grasping at Jigen’s hands desperately as tears rolled down his cheek. “M-M skull, Ji-, he took my skull, it’s broken and-and-“

“Okay, okay, breathe.” Jigen nodded, squeezing his hands. “We’ll check, okay?”

“We’re all right here, Lupin.” Zenigata kept his arms securely around the thief’s middle. “Everything will be fine.”

“I’ll remove the bandages.” Goemon moved to his side, carefully undoing the bandages around the thief’s head.

Lupin whined, hands jerking slightly as he want to grab at his cybernetics. He had to know. He felt his bones shattering. The sound they made..he felt it across his body, the resounding crunching and crackling of broken fragments of his head. He felt Jigen lead his hands up to the damaged area. There wasn’t a hole…right..there wasn’t a hole there anymore. He was safe…no hole. His insides wouldn’t spill out of him…his head was okay now… it should be okay, despite the dull throbbing..all of that was in his mind. It wasn’t happening anymore. Why was this happening to him?

“See? Your head is okay.” Fujiko rubbed his shoulder gently. “Do you want some painkillers?”

Lupin nodded weakly, gaze drifting to the bed silently as he was given a fresh dose of the medication. Realistically, he knew that he would have setbacks based on what had happened. That didn’t really comfort him much when he was convinced someone had smashed his head open and he ended up having a major meltdown in front of everyone in the middle of the night. Somehow, the concern in their eyes hurt more than the residual pain from the flashbacks. He couldn’t shove this down anymore than he already was…he was broken and all the pain and trauma was dripping through the cracks for all of them to see. He wasn’t sure how much they knew or saw…how much they’d find out. He wasn’t sure he ever wanted them to know all of it.

He was selfish like that. He knew all of their deepest secrets, their fears, their pain. Goemon confiding in him how he ended up with that Momochi bastard, Jigen’s past with the Mafia, hell, even Fujiko and Zenigata had confided in him about their lives and traumas. Yet, he wanted nothing more than to sponge all of this away and bury it deep down somewhere where they would never find it or see it. It just wasn’t…him. And they knew that too. What if they realized how damaged he was and left? What then?

“Lupin? You still with us?” Fujiko frowned, waving a hand in front of his eyes cautiously.

“Mm? Yeah…yeah, I’m still with you..” Lupin nodded a bit, sighing. “Sorry, guess I’m just tired…”

“Go back to sleep, okay?” Zenigata squeezed him gently. “We’ll stay right here with you.” He assured

Jigen nodded, sitting at the end of the bed. “I’ve got my Magnum. Nobody’s gettin’ to you while we’re here.”

Goemon grunted, holding Zantetsuken firmly as he sat on Lupin’s other side. Fujiko kissed his cheek, stroking his hair gently as she smiled a little. Lupin smiled weakly, resting back against the inspector as he closed his eyes. The group exchanged looks, uncertainty mixing between them as they settled in for a night of watching over the man.

~~~~

The nightmares and flashbacks happened every night for the rest of that week. Lupin would wake up screaming and whoever was with him would have to try to calm him down. Bad nights took hours, good nights took minutes, but the guilt and adrenaline were taking its toll on the thief. He couldn’t keep waking everyone up, so he decided to just stop sleeping entirely for the time being, not that they needed to know that. It beat the constant torment his mind was putting him through and the guilt over exhaustion present in everyone around him. Despite that, they were finally letting him go places other than the bedroom or bathroom, which was a major plus. They were letting him get some fresh air and sun in the yard. It was weird to be outside after so long.

“No, I’m saying a garden would be a good idea.” Goemon cut some wood, glancing over at Jigen. “You have gardened before, yes?”

Jigen shrugged. “I mean, I know my way around diggin’ a hole. That’s enough, right?”

“…we can work on it.” Goemon nodded a bit, cutting more wood for a fence.

Lupin watched them quietly. It was nice to see them relaxing…it was such a nice day. He looked down at his feet in the grass. He could…feel it, through the dulled senses his pain meds allowed him, but it wasn’t as organic as it used to be. He glanced over at Fujiko, watching her hair move in the breeze. She was doing his nails, something about relaxing? He knew it was more about self confidence. Even with his sleep deprived brain, he could see their plans even if they didn’t want him to.

“Lupin? Are you doing alright?” Zenigata frowned, hovering a few inches away from his face. “You look tired.”

“Mm? I’m all good Pops.” Lupin flashed him a smile. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with all this attention~!” He teased

Zenigata blushed, huffing as he pulled his hat down. “Be quiet, I’m just checking on your condition…” he glanced away.

“I’m going to check your condition in a minute if you don’t stop making him move while I’m working.” Fujiko sassed, pouting a bit as she held Lupin’s hand firmly.

“I’d love if you checked my condition, Fujiko~” Lupin smiled, glancing at her as he winked.

“Be quiet, twink. Ask one of your boyfriends.” Fujiko rolled her eyes playfully, smiling a bit.

“Don’t rope us into it! We’re gardening!” Jigen called, pushing his sleeves up as he grabbed a shovel.

Lupin laughed, whistling at him as he watched him and Goemon work in the dirt and cut the wood, Zenigata trading Jigen’s shovel for a hoe. He was just…glad that they were here with him..even if he was broken and tired..they were staying. He sat back on his chair, closing his eyes as he felt the sun on his face and Fujiko’s hand on his. He just wanted to bask in this moment. Even if he felt like shit, exhausted and sore and paranoid…he would be okay in this one moment.

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ayumitsuu · 4 months

Text

Ayu plays FE4 (Gen 1 - Chp. 0-5)

Just some thoughts and screenshots I had while playing. Not necessarily an in-depth story walkthrough.

Prologue: Birth of the Holy Knight

Sigurd = Mega Chad

Alec x Noish = cute <3

Arden is da man

Um, Siggy? Does a 14-year-old really need real war exp?

ETHLYN X QUAN, YES 😍

AZELLE X LEX, YESSSS 💗

Arvis kinda a jerk... thx for the Silver Sword tho

Read more if you wish! Spoilers ahead!

Chapter 1: Girl of the Spirit Forest

Oh no, a bandit. Whatever shall I do? *woe is me*

Oof, aren't you that OP hottie taking all the castles from here to Jungby?

P-pretty lady... *Siggy brain go BRRRR*

Dayum. Love confession on the second meeting? This man clearly has not read any WEBTOONs.

This is titled "baddies reveal evil plot.PNG" Naga, Manfroy talks a lot...

Chapter 2: Disturbance in Agustria

In what world could you ever compete with my gurl Lach? Don't you EVER disrespect her again, you utter buffoon.

Setup to get the Elite Ring on Lachesis while preventing the triplets from ruining all your plans.

This one is titled "Lewyn rizz.PNG" but I think I missed the part I wanted. After this he says something like, "jk, you're the most beautiful just as you are."

"Eldigan is dumb.PNG" This move made absolutely no sense to me and seemed completely against Eldigan's ideals of justice and protecting the common people.

Chapter 3: Eldigan, the Lionheart

"tell him Lach.PNG" Knock some sense into your blockhead (hot) brother.

DESTROY HIM FFFFFFF 🤬

Chapter 4: Dance in the Skies

"one man holding up army.PNG" Sir, can you please MOVE????!!!??

Everyone was blaming themselves but this man was singlehandedly responsible for the tragedy at Silesse.

No thanks, I hate him. Step on a LEGO, Andrei.

Chapter 5: Doors of Destiny

*squints* Navarre...? Is that you?

YOU PROMISED!!! YOU SWORE IT!!!!!

*cries violent projectile tears*

*uncontrollable sobbing*

*deceases*

......no comment, Arvis. SHUT UP, MANFROY.

No, no, no... *Beloved One plays*

Game: *keeps going after Chp. 5*

Me, shooketh, heart shattered to pieces: W-wha... what just happened... *tears flow unbidden*

#fe4 #fire emblem #geneology of the holy war #first playthrough #first impressions #ayu plays fe4 #ayu's fe4 playthrough summary

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breezy-cheezy · 6 months

Note

I just want to say it's been delightful watching you get into One Piece. It's been one of my main fandoms for years, but most of the people I was following who posted about it moved on to other things and I didn't have the energy to try to find new ones, so my dash has been pretty empty of it and I mostly just kept up with the anime/manga and not much else. Your enthusiasm for it, and all the art you've been posting and reblogging, has been a highlight of my days. I have a One Piece fanfic I've been trying to finish for years, and I've felt more like writing it in the past week or so than I have in a very long time (haven't actually managed it yet, but maybe soon, I hope). I'm glad you're having fun, and I can't wait to see you get farther in the series. <3

And *I* just wanna say how touching this message is!! 🥺 Thank you for sending this, I’ve been putting off responding because I was hoarding it like a dragon HAHA

I’m glad you’re enjoying the sudden OP onslaught! Part of me always worries, but it IS my blog and I enjoy slapping a bunch of funny pirates on my metaphorical fridge, glad you’re getting a kick out of it too! Perks of a media about as old as me too is that there’s sooooo much content to dig through, it’s very fun! Even if I suck at avoiding spoilers LOL (I will at least try to shield my buddy from spoilers as she also works her way through the manga at her own pace XD)

I hear ya on struggling to finish a fic for so long…for me, with new fandom comes new ideas and we’ll see if I can actually finish these, lmao. I’m glad to hear you’re inspired again! What’s the fic about, out of curiosity? 👀 If you feel like sharing that is!

Thank you, it’s been a VERY fun read, and I hope to watch some parts in the anime later! For now tho manga is easiest for me to consume, and the art is just really nice?? 1000+ chapters used to be so intimidating but now I find it’s hard to put the thing down X’’’’D One Piece good, found family got me good! I’ll be a bit more detailed under the cut real fast (I’ve been yelling at another friend on discord with regular manga updates but I will say this)

Isa don’t open the read more :> :

I just finished Thriller Bark arc and ooooooh boy that was a Time. Zoro you are insane *sobbing* HOW IS HE EVEN ALIVE

Usopp getting to use his anxiety/depression/negative thoughts as a strength against Perona was. SO funny yet SO vindicating, I love himmmmm-

Also the stuff with Brook is one of the things I feel I need to watch the anime on because!!! Music!!! That’s difficult to translate through manga, as pretty as the art is. Same for Chopper’s send off from Drum Island, I wanna see the pretty pink Sakura Blossoms!!!! But yea Brook made me cry. I remember really hoping Laboon would pop up again and BOY HOWDY let the skeleton see his baby whale again I beg….

I just hit the Sabody arc too and spotted Law for the first time! I already know his backstory (oops I’m nosey) and WOW HE’S A LITTLE SH*T HAHAHA funny greasy lookin man good to see ya X’’’D I also love Camie!! Kinda refreshing to see a female character getting to finally make the same (if not even MORE) whacky faces like the boys do hhdfhgjkdf you’re doing great sweetieeeee 😂 (also good to see Hachi again!!)

Also the intro to Celestial Dragons and slave trade is so. Man. This is VILE. The extent of horrors the Government will look away from because they’re Celestial Dragons doing the horrors. AUGH. Gross. The situation is revealed in a really neat way too, very engaging. Sooooo satisfying watching Luffy full on punch one CD in the face tho, BLESS. Love that funky lil dude. He really doesn’t care who you are, he can and WILL punch you if friends are threatened.

ALSO I do see Ace’s execution being set up in the bg. I know in a general sense what….happens to him. I don’t like it, let him out 😭

BUT YEA I’M HAVING ALOT OF FUN THANK YOU!!!!

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fayythe · 11 months

Text

Divine Love: Chapter Three

Henry Cavill X OFC Summary: Rhylan Daines property of the United States Government, the training she took on, the beating, and pain was all manipulating her to loose her body autonomy, they tell her to eat a certain way, talk, walk, act. Nothing is hers, how can she escape the torture her life has become? Now an semi-active black ops Navy Seal working for the CIA struggled to make peace with her past. She was always told that every life she took, every person she tortured, and every soul she crushed was for the greater good, but how is more violence supposed to help the world? How can acting help her stop being forced to kill? How can finding love help her find herself? Only time will tell... Trigger warnings: Slight Alcoholism, Assault, Kidnapping, Blood, Skin Branding, Heavy Depression, Drugs, Undiagnosed eating disorder, Forced Eugenics, Talk of Genocide, talk of war, talk of gore, Hospitalizations for medical reasons, Mental Health issues, Hitman/murder unrecognized by law, Profanity, Military Brutality, torture, terrorism, violence, scars, seizures. Rhylan's Tattoos Rhylan's Body Scars Diagram

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -- Martin Luther King, JR.

Chapter 3: ненавидеть

Ненавидеть...Russian...meaning—Hate

It was late, the sky was filled with stars, the air was chilled, and goosebumps brushed my skin as the cold air made the tips of my fingers numb. I couldn't sleep, I hadn't slept in the three days I had been back, and I was starting to feel the side effects of the sleep I so wanted but was severely lacking.

I found myself on a trail at the park near my house, running at nearly three in the morning. I wanted to feel something, I didn't care what it was just not this, not the emotion I felt when I closed my eyes or images I saw in my dreams, so if it meant I had to run and feel the stabs of the cold air on my skin, then so be it.

I'm so tired of everyone thinking I'm their property, when do I get to make decisions for myself? When can I be my own person?

Even when I could feel the friction between my socks and shoes wear away, I still kept running.

Even when I could feel the worst blisters on planet earth start to form on my heel, I kept running.

It wasn't until I finally reached a hill and finally stopped.

The colors of orange, yellow, purples, the bright light the sun had given off made my eyes water, but it was beautiful, something I wanted to walk into, touch caress, love, the sun, the light. A tear fell down my cheek, but I blinked it away, sadness isn't allowed, it shows weakness, sorrow, and vulnerability.

Training 2004

I was biting down on a rag, zip tied to the metal chair, my hair was matted and longer than I remembered my nail beds bled without the fingernail to protect them. I was so bruised, in so much pain, drugged.

The sound of electricity brought forth some conscience thoughts as I looked at the man. I didn't even know the name of the agent, I just knew he enjoyed what he did, he enjoyed causing the pain he was paid to do but would do for free given the chance.

The feeling off all the electricity pulsing through my body was excruciating, the ear-piercing scream I let out in between my sobs and my flowing tears didn't even phase them.

"This is what our enemies will do if you are captured!" The agent yelled.

The feeling of electricity was powered through my veins again and the scream I let out before returned, but this time returning with a stinging pain across my cheek... he slapped me.

The agent got so close to me, I could feel his breath on my neck shifting up to my face looking in my eyes, man his breath was rancid smelled like dog shit and old coffee.

"You show no emotion. You hear me!" He yelled, I smiled, I wanted to kill him, cut his throat, and watch him choke on his own blood, watch him die as he was helpless to do anything and begged me to help him, I made sure to spit a big one in his face which only made him slap me once again.

"You think this is funny bitch!" The electricity rain through me once more, but only this time, it kind of tickled. I was so delusional, laughing, cackling. I didn't feel anything anymore, it's like everything just...turned off.

"This isn't working" The agent said to the other guy, which I have now nicknamed Shaq after Shaquille O'Neal because man this guy was built like him. I was cut from the chair and picked up by the large man, I was still laughing, I couldn't help myself, my mind was so clouded nothing felt like reality. Maybe I was going to wake up.

I patted his shoulder, "Hey Shaq, you and me man we can bust out of this joint." I whispered laughing and let me tell you he slapped me so hard he should be a video game character with a special ability called "Shaq slap" with minus fifty damage or something because shit, I was seeing stars.

I was taken over to what looked to be a bathtub filled with water, Shaq let me down and pointed to the ground in front of the tub. The ground was covered in glass shards and sand, not beach sand though where it was thin, more like playground ground sand where the granules the ones that were thick and hard to get out of your crack. Yes, your ass crack.

"Kneel" Shaq spoke, damn his voice was even deeper than Shaq, it gave me the chills, I don't think I'll ever be able to watch a lakers game after this...

I did what I was told and kneeled on the sand and glass cracking slightly, while I was stilled dazed, I could hear a pocketknife and the ripping of fabric and then slowly the feeling of cold air developed on my chest and back.

I was lucky to remember one of the rules for the agents is they weren't allowed to take off my undergarments. They could do anything else, but force that one on me. I was lucky General Dick was even nice enough to add that to the agreement, but now seeing the rage on the face of the white guy that was torturing me I'm almost sure if the agreement didn't exist, he would've tried.

The white-hot bite of a whip on my back, brough me back to reality, the air escaped my lungs as I went to scream but before I was able to, my head was pushed under water.

Drowning me, over, and over again. I didn't stop after one, two, three. It became so much I could feel my mind start to float away from my body, the hysterics left me, the laughing, the emotions. I felt nothing.

December 2015 (Present Day)

"Rhylan, Mr. Hardy left you a message. Would you like me to read it to you?" Arthurs robotic voice is what brought me back to reality, my head was still filled with fog and the sun had risen exponentially since I had first started staring at the sunrise.

I shook my head, "Repeat your question, Arthur?"

"Mr. Hardly left you a message. Would you like me to read it to you?"

"Yeah, read it to me." I started running back to my car.

"The message states: Hey sorry I haven't been able to message, I got back home for a few days then I got distracted catching up with family. Are you going to tell me what that spat was about with that guy at the bar?"

When I finally got to my car door and processed the message read to me, I rested my head in my hands. I was too tired and stressed to deal with this shit.

"Just leave him on read." I said getting into my car.

The drive home was somewhat short, though the shower I took when I got home lasted a while. I finally was able to get up enough confidence to text my mother that I was home, though she seemed happy enough and told me to stop by soon enough. I kind of wish she'd just stop by here, but you know work comes first.

I made a mistake messaging her while I was drunk while at the after party, she isn't the same from what she used to be.

At this point home I didn't know what to do, it was either continue coding Arthurs program which was already advance enough at this point, or game. I had gotten to the point where I had already cleaned all my guns more than once and was starting to turn to eating junk food and binge watching every episode of SpongeBob I could find on demand.

I guess the days felt so long and started to cloud together after a while, the sleep I did get was often filled of the blood I tried so hard to get away from.

I knew at this point it was probably post-traumatic stress disorder, but I would never admit that, and if I am meant to become the low life, I was always expected to be growing up then so be it. At least I'm not a gambler. I'm just a broken veteran with an alcohol problem, we have millions of those in the United States, though not many probably have experience with forced black ops operations.

I pulled out my phone, I could feel Luther's breath and hear the flat screen television play the most annoying episode of SpongeBob ever. Why would someone sneak into their mothers house to steal their underpants anyway?

At least it's not the episode with Nosfertu and the spatula hand, that one always gave me the creeps.

I'll be honest, I do have a social media account technically. Though it's made with a fake email address, and has some randomly generated username Arthur gave me, I use it occasionally to scroll through the stories made about me.

I know many celebrities do this, but I've never been on social media, and I don't plain to. At least not anytime soon, social media alone is a trap.

The stories about myself were trending on multiple platforms, people were curious on why I'm so "stuck up" as they call it and why I seem so held off.

Well great, I'm considered stuck up. I took a sip of my beer, yeah this is why I don't like social media.

The part about being held off is true, it's hard to open up about anything when most of your adult life all you've been doing is classified missions to kill people. Right now, the people that know who I really am is the president, who alone wasn't happy with the program to begin with but was 'encouraged' it was for the best, but me? I'll say manipulated, and Dick and his people which is only a few, maybe five?

I found myself looking up the person I wanted to hate so much...Henry Cavill.

I remembered the first night we met in the streets in Jersey, the mission I was on a the time had led me there, which originally, I thought was strange but in the end was a perfect place to hide away the women and children for their illegal drug and human trafficking.

I was undercover apart of their crew, and I had only been in the program for about a year in a half before that mission. I didn't plan on meeting him, or slipping out that night, but I did, and I did meet Henry. That's something I'll always have to come to terms with.

We have history, and I have to either be the bigger person and confront the history we have together even if it was for a few hours...or forget it ever happened.

The problem with actually speaking with him was the fact he was going to ask questions and I knew that I would ask questions too. We were hitting it off and everything was going well, and I vanished right before his eyes, but in the end they are questions I cannot give an answer to.

I can't tell him why I left.

I can't tell him what I did before.

I can't tell him what I was doing in Jersey in the first place.

So, what is there to tell him? What is there to even talk about?

I finished my beer, getting up to grab a crystal whiskey glass and filling it with my favorite Russian vodka.

"Privet tem, kto upal" I whispered downing the glass. It was a Russian saying me and the soldiers I had commanded picked up in our time in Russia. 'Cheers to those that have fallen' was the translation in English.

We had lost so many over the years, from what I know there was only two others left in the program. Both of them, I had to train...and torture emotion out of. We didn't speak much anymore, the boys are still young enough to be of use to the government and now that they are missing me, the government, the boys are often put on mission after mission. Never getting a break and loosing what little bits of their humanity they had left.

Which is partly the reason they don't contact me; they feel I betrayed the government by taking my absence in the program.

A inorganic manipulated love for their country. The boys were brainwashed, severely.

For me though, the world never got any better with the work we did, it only got worse.

As the years went by and as the war in Iraq and Afghanistan progressed, we were sent on more missions and as everyone around me brainwashed themselves to believe it was getting better. I sat around and watched all the chaos we were causing, a part of.

Once I was captured by enemy and tortured, I was in the hospital for a while and had to really think about my life choices. I didn't want to be a killer forever; I wanted a family one day. I wanted more than what I had.

While the little immediate family I had was glad I was leaving the military, now most of every had moved away. My step siblings hadn't spoken to me in years, they didn't matter much; and my grandparents had moved to the middle of butt-fuck nowhere to settle down for retirement.

It was going to be a lot harder than I originally planned to find that family I so thrived for...

Not like I can go back to what I'm good at anyway, my face is on nearly every newspaper and social media now.

"Rhylan, Nelia is calling. Would you like to answer?" Arthur's voice sounded through the house on the intercom.

"I got it" I jogged to pick up my phone and put it on speaker, then walking back to the counter to pour me another glass of jewel.

"What's up?"

"Oh hey, I didn't know if you were actually going to be awake."

I chuckled, "You thought I'd be asleep? The party has only just started." I danced a little in place.

"Rhylan are seriously drinking? Gosh, you need help"

"Awe sweetie, it's okay to be insecure, being a lightweight is tough" I walked back to the couch sitting down hearing Lue's tail whack against the sofa.

"You're an asshole." She laughed, a metal clang in the background. She must be doing the dishes.

"So why are you calling me?" I asked, I put the phone to my chest, "Arthur play me a movie." Arthur's confirmation sound pinged, and random movie started to play. Man of Steel...I wonder what that is?

"Oh right, I need you to decide what role you want to do."

I groaned putting my eyes in the corner of my elbow, "Do I have to?"

Neila smacked her lips, "Yes, you know my suggestion. You need to choose now, or the offer is going to someone else. I think the runner up is Gal Gadot"

"I don't know who that is..."

"Gal Gadot? Come on she's so well known. She was on fast and furious."

I shrugged my shoulders even though she couldn't see me, "I've never watched it." Maybe I should? I thought.

"You're so uncultured"

"True, but I had bigger things to worry about for the last ten years than keeping up with pop culture. The only thing I had was books."

"Excuses, excuses. Well okay, you still need to answer now. Wonder women?"

"Yeah, I'll do it." Guess I'm wonder women, not sure I wanted to work with Ryan Reynolds quite yet, don't think I could hold my shit together. That man, tasty...

"Great! I'll email the casting director and let her know you're for it." She sounded excited, of course she was this would be a big break for her too.

"Okay..." I thought for a moment, be the bigger person, the words flew through my head like a tornado

"Can you do me a favor, can you get Henry Cavill's number for me?" I asked, taking the phone of speaker and pressing it to my ear.

"Why would you need that, unless—"

I stopped her from finishing that sentence, her and her crazy idea's... "Don't worry nothing like that, honestly don't worry about why, just get it for me please."

I bit my lip hard.

"Well, Since you said please, I'll call in one of my favors. I'll text it to you in a bit."

"Thank you, talk to you later." I said hanging up.

Looking up I see Henry on the screen, which startles me so much I jump.

"Arthur, turn the fucking TV off." I yelled, which then proceeded to show a black screen. I swear technology these days, he must be listing to my thoughts or something.

It wasn't much after that when I got the text from Nelia with two numbers, one labeled work phone and personal phone.

I starred at the numbers for what felt like eternity before typing back thank you to Nelia.

What do I do now?

I can't call him now, what if he's in a different time zone.

What do I even say with that?

'Oh, I'm sorry for treating you like dog shit the other day. I used to kill people for a living, and I can't tell you anything about it'

I scoffed at myself; this is what I've become. Seriously it's pathetic.

But I could..."Arthur from now on, add a constant tracking on the phone numbers I was just sent."

The sound chimes, Arthur's program was now tracking every moment, every keystroke and every phone call Henry was to place in the future.

Maybe It was wrong? --- I knew this was wrong, privacy, I'm completely devaluing privacy and Henry right to it, but at the time my mind was so clouded with feelings I couldn't comprehend the wrong in the choices I made.

I couldn't sleep again that night.

No matter how hard I tried, the little bit of sleep I was able to get was always clouded with the pain I was haunted with, I knew sooner or later I was going to break.

Now that I wasn't constantly under Dean's control, we're he'd beat the emotions out of me after I started to feel my emotions were starting to come back. I've never experienced that, I've never experienced fear, happiness, excitement, I only ever felt rage and anger it's what I was coded and made to feel.

I don't know how to change it, at this point I found myself lost in this point of my life. Where am I to go now? What is the reason I was born and chosen for this path of life?

I didn't know how to find out, out to find my meaning.

Was there even a meaning to find?

It was around four in the morning; I was sitting on the seemingly white couch; Lue was asleep his head resting on my thigh his legs kicking as if he was chasing something in a dream. He was my lifeline, my best friend.

I had a book in my lap, one of my favorites and one I picked up in Poland a long time ago, though now it had been made into multiple games while the story has been completely brutalized and butchered.

"Rhylan, Dean's location has been pinged and located nearby."

I jumped, I owed Dean one. He was coming to collect his debt, but what.

"How long?" I asked Arthur, Lue waking up suddenly on high alert noticing my body language, I reached for under the coffee table pulling out one of my stashed glocks, I kissed it. I won't let him take me away, to kill, to be his puppet.

"I'm unable to ping his location, the last known location was seven minutes ago a mile away."

Just then the knock at my door was the thing that startled me.

The fear running through my veins was so bizarre, the tips of my fingers felt numb, it hurt to breath, I could barely see through my glassy eyes—

Get yourself together Rhylan, if he sees you like this, things will be worse.

I put the gun I was holding back in the holster under the coffee table.

"Luther." I looked at my white fluff ball.

"стража" Bulgarian, guard me, protect me from harm if it is to come, not only did I beg Luther's training, I begged God.

Lue immediately walked by my side to the door, I slowly but surely unlocked the two dead bolts but leaving the chain lock attached.

I knew what I expected to see when I opened the door, Dean, and his stupid shitty face, and that's what I saw.

"What do you want?" I spoke through the crack of the door.

He smiled, his fake white smile. Man, the government was probably paying this guy millions to keep his mouth shut.

"Awe, you're not happy to see me?"

I shook my head, "Fuck no, suck my dick mother fucker."

"Don't worry, you're not my type."

"I was a year ago"

But a year ago you had control over me.

"Things change. Are you going to let me in? Or are you going to make me stand outside in the cold."

I thought about it for a second, "Stand outside, sounds good to me."

His voice rumbled deep, "Rhylan, open the door. Now."

He still scared me, his voice still commanded me, still had me under the spell I so proudly though I had banished.

I unlatched the chains of the door, Luther standing in between my legs watching the intruder at all costs.

"Make me a drink, scotch if you have any."

Of course, I have scotch and he knew that. Though I never drank it, just the smell made me gag, it was the alcohol they forced me to drink during training, or may I say torture camp.

"Crafty what you did, I didn't notice you had bugged my phone until it started to make nose while I wasn't even on it"

I glanced at him, pouring him his glass, and sliding it on the counter to him. No touching. Ever, especially not him.

"You're lucky I need you able right now, otherwise I would've come to beat the shit out of you—"

I interrupted him, "Don't even, I'm not your bitch anymore. Ever." I scoffed.

He just smiled again, fucking dick. "Oh, but you are." He downed the scotch.

"I have a job for you. But we have to go to D.C to discuss the details."

"I'm not going with or doing anything for you." I spat.

Dean just looked at me, "Rhylan Daines, you are still under my command. If you don't come willingly, I'll take you by force."

I smiled this time, "By force? Look around this house Dean, security cameras everywhere, Gideons program is active and recording everything live I all I must do is go missing and he will expose the entire operation. Everything."

Dean visibility tensed up, "You finished the software?"

I finished it a few years ago, and have only upgraded it sense then, but why would I tell him that?

"Well, what can it do?"

"Arthur, introduce yourself to dickwad."

"Dean Sawyer, I've heard a lot about you. My name is Arthur Gibbons, I'm an artificial intelligence program started by Gideon Butler and finished by Rhylan Daines. My intelligence is powerful enough to hack all government sources, phones, televisions, medical devices and more. My mission: protection – Dean Sawyer it seems you have suspicious images on your computer in Baltimore, what is the purpose of these images?"

Dean's eyes bulged, "No! You must give the code up, that is too dangerous to be in civilian hands."

"I will never, Gideon left Arthur's code to me and me alone, he knew what he was creating was going to be big, and knew if you ever got your hands on it wouldn't be used for good like it was indented."

Just then, a bullet came piercing through my back glass patio window shooting the camera pointing directly at the kitchen and darkening the view Author had.

I was left unprotected, but it gave me time to connect the dots.

Snipers. Dean knew about Arthur from the beginning.

Before I knew it, Luther was barking like crazy, just when I went make a run for the drawer homing another one of my pistols, I could feel a syringe go deep into my neck and my head start to fog like I had never felt before.

I was only able to manage to say a few words before my entire world when black.

"I will kill you one day."

Cold.

I was so cold.

The sound of chains filled my ears again, the sound I so dreaded to hear.

But it was wine that made look over to see Luther chained by the throat, muzzled so tightly I could just tell it was uncomfortable. Oh my god, what have I done.

I looked down at my body, I was naked. Not just undergarments, naked and the purple bruises that formed around and on my body from dragged and throwing around were fresh and painful.

"Luther come here buddy," I gestured,

Luther slowly got up, limping, God damn sons of bitches. What did you do to my dog!

We were finally able to reach the middle where I was able to loosen his muzzle, as it was probably better to keep it on to avoid Luther getting more hurt than he already was. "I'll get you out of here buddy." I kissed his dirty matted fur.

I didn't give a two shits on what happened to me.

I was so numb to life, at this point it would probably be for the best that I was to leave the living... I shook my head, its not the right time to think about that Rhylan, I scolded myself.

I heard the large metal door open and a tall muscular young man stepped through the threshold. Wade.

Truth be told, Wade looked different. He had quite a few tattoos now, and for some reason started growing out his ratty platinum blonde hair. When I knew him, He refused to grow out his hair, for any reason and the hypocrite also detested my tattoos saying they made me too easily recognizable. I see what's going on here, the top dog leaves and has to be replaced. Funny.

Wade was fisting long weighty metal chain, I knew what it was for of course, he always did love the torturing part, but the fear in eyes is what made me stop silly in my thought process.

He was scared? Wade? Scared?

"Are you afraid of me?"

Wade sniffled a laugh, the crazy in his eyes threw me for a loop. "Me? Afraid of you? Look where you are..." He bent down to meet me eye to eye, the smell of dipped tobacco threating my sinusitis, "Chained, beaten. You truly are nothing anymore..." This time he did chuckle.

I watched him stand back up and walk to the side of the one way glass that was a mirror, I shook my head, "If this is about Arthur you better just kill me—"

"it's not, not now anyway. I'm sure General Sawyer will have some...discussions about that with you."

General Sawyer? That's gross, his name is Dick.

"Why do you call him that?" I adjusted the chains around my wrists the sounds of jingling filling the small room.

Wade looked at my reflection through the mirror, "Call him what?"

"General Sawyer. You do realize he was dishonorably discharged, he's not a general anymore he wasn't even the bigging. He just like power...and titles." I started.

"Like man, what the fuck happened to you? You were young when you joined, didn't like tattoos, alcohol, tobacco, growing your hair out. Now you smell like shit, and need a fucking haircut." I rested the back of my head on the stone wall, slightly smiling.

"You left."

My head shot up, "What?"

"You fucking left, that's what happened to me, happened to both of us!" He yelled,

Wade whipped around, his hand was still so tightly wrapped around the metal chain, "When you the first time, everyone went crazy. They believed me and Ethan couldn't do what you could, we weren't good enough...They but us both through more, torture, believing they could make us better, better than you."

I finally looked up at Wade, "Did it work?"

"No."

I knew the answer before he said it, of course didn't work. What made me learn to be so good at what I did, was the fact I started early, I was only seventeen when I went on my first mission and took my first life.

That's why it didn't work, the younger the prospective is, the easier to manipulate, change mannerisms, personality, the easier to control. Both Wade and Ethans being well past twenty-three now, the only way for them to learn what I was taught so many years ago was through trial and error.

"We constantly have problems with conspicuousness, rats, people don't expect females to be anything dangerous."

"Okay.. Where's Dick? Or are you going to tell me why I was kidnapped...again." The again part came out as a whisper.

"There's a hit, someone really high up its not possible for Ethan or I to do it, we fly out later today."

Luther wined, laying down next to me.

I shook my head, "I don't kill anymore. I've been saying that."

Wade didn't take that answer, "That's bullshit and you know it, you're probably the one person in this world that loves killing more than I do."

I fought back, "You're right we love killing, we love it because with we were manipulated to! You really think we could've imagined ourselves killing people all over the world as teenagers. Seriously, Wade, the training they put us through isn't just to make us better fighters, it's so break us, you, me, Ethans, it's to make us controllable."

"It doesn't matter. You'll do it weather you'll like it or not." Wade spat, rolling the metal chain around his hand.

"No I won't—"

Just in the split second Wade was holding a gun to my head, "You'll do it!" He yelled.

I found myself just staring at him... wanting him to take my live, silently pleading for him to pull the trigger.

"Do it." I said.

Wade just smiled, "Poor Rhylan, stuck in the world nothing but--." Wade looked over at Luther, "No! Don't."

Wade pulled on the chain that Luther was attached to, his wine filled my ears and immediately I could feel my eyes burning with tears, please not Luther, anything or anyone else but him.

Wade was holding a gun to the back of Luther's head as he was growling and frothing from the mouth, Wade looked back at me again.

"Are you sure that's your answer Rhylan?"

A tear dropped from my eye, "I'll do it, just let him go!"

Luckily he did just that and let Luther go and made his way to me, "Crying? Wow, you're even a bigger pussy than I thought you had become."

"Shut the fuck up, you're such a hypocrite, the first time we went to Afghanistan, and you had to kill a lizard for food you were sobbing."

The butt of the gun hit the side of my face hard, it took all I had to not pass out. "Okay Dick rubbing off on you I see, but I don't think you've remembered the biggest factor you son of a bitch."

I looked back up at him, feeling the blood poor down my face. "I've been everywhere, the world knows my name who I am, where I'm from, what I look like. There's no way I can shoot to kill someone and the media not seeing me. It's not possible."

Wade just smiled, and picked me up by the arm. "Oh Rhylan... Really? You're the first person to know about good disguises"

That's why I'm naked...

This is going to be a long next week.

#henry cavill smut #henry cavill fic #dad! henry cavill #henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fluff #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x reader

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weekend-whip · 1 year

Note

What was your process with Jesse, then? And Miranda?

*trembling sobbing crying* There was supposed to just be a running gag where the Fuchsia Ninja would crop up inexplicably from time to time, similar to the movie but more frequent (and then he'd help out the ninja at one specific point in Season 2)........but THEN:

the whole thing with the Elemental Compass was devised (as that didn't even EXIST until after the first story was completely posted), so I had to then flesh out the Element of Surprise which has spiraled into characters like Mystake and Harumi as we know now, and then figuring out how that would manifest into an actual user of that element (i.e. his magic tricks)

I then thought if I could turn Olivia into a full character, why not do the same thing with the Fuchsia Ninja? So then I devised his name, his "secret" identity, tossed him in with the high schoolers, and initially planned to use him to help bridge any loose gaps between Show!verse and Movie!verse that couldn't be naturally resolved (hence why he has a copy of the Elemental Compass itself and why'd he's kinda Captain Exposition at times)...and then he grew a personality. And I was like. Ohh no. I adore this nervous dramatic fool. What have I created

....and then. AND THEN. The day for writing Chapter 6 came...I STRUGGLED with SO MANY drafts on how to make this work. Nelson getting bullied by the Cheer Squad was on one draft (and Jesse was initially gonna be like Nelson's babysitter), Nya was going around as a "Rainbow Ninja" at one point, I juggled through every combo of Ninja to go on this mission before landing on Nya and Cole because it made the most sense, and Mystake's parts weren't even a THOUGHT until the last second (because I realized I wanted a less bizarre way for Lloyd to get the Map of Dens, and could use this as foreshadowing for later). But then, to spice up the fight with the generic Shark Army thugs I was like.....we could sprinkle some lore here.......we could put the Fuchsia Ninja here...that could be a fun....surprise....

............................and then I was writing all their interactions during the fight. They've all got some hilarious friendly chemistry. And. Then. My. Silly. Little. Foolish. Brain. whispers to me in the heat of the moment: "What if...Wouldn't it be funny if the Fuchsia Ninja had a crush on Cole?" ha. Funny. Just something for a small, amusing laugh every now and then. I would never actually ship some pink/purple OC with Cole? That had already been done countless times, and probably better! Imagine being so uninspired. Ha. hahahaha. Ha.

...But it was too late. The seed was planted. The flower was blooming. The daydreaming started. The ideas and scenes and possibilities and the development became clearer by the day. The ship was SAILING...well, eventually. It was sailing in my heart, and that was enough. I just had to pace myself with it...and my god I now see why no one writes slow burns anymore JUST HUG

AAAAAAAaaaaaannnnnnnd from there that blew up Jesse's character arc (as in, MADE IT BIGGER). More backstory was born that helped me flesh out what was already there, a history with Wu was devised, a family blossomed to support/intimidate him, goals, motivations, fears, imperfections, insecurities spiraled into existence from just the single act of this lil' blorbo falling in love...! Suddenly all of his character beats fell perfectly into place! Divine intervention took my hand and dragged me forward in full force! Jesse Marvell became a character and he was here for the long haul! And I've never looked back *-*

...now, as for Miranda, I...can't quite remember when she popped up as a concept, but I'm pretty sure it was because I needed/wanted someone to keep Jesse in check. Such as:

keeping Jesse from being too OP with his powers (because she's studied his powers extensively, she can anticipate them more than most people. Hence, Jesse struggles to surprise her easily, so he's near powerless whenever he's in her vicinity unless he gets really creative)

to help keep his character/personality from falling into the horrible, horrible trope of only being about his "pursuit" of Cole (which I'd...like to think I'm doing okay with especially for my first real Oc x Canon ship but I don't trust my hands—they're just so LOVELY—augh—!)

Giving him some extra motivations for his character, as we've seen the tip of the iceberg of in Ch40. I think I mentioned this before, but Miranda's related to why he doesn't fully have his True Potential. So. Um. There's that to look forward to~

Unrelated to Jesse, she also exists to help fill Nya's vacuum via her becoming a ninja much, MUCH earlier (similar to Bridget for Olivia's personality tweak as I mentioned in the other post), especially in Season 3. She's one of the Techies too, but she specializes in software and data organization, thus she can't actually engineer anything, but she loves streamlining the interfaces/UI/software for the things Jay invents or keeping Zane up to date internally. (This also leads her to have a small rivalry with Pixal).

...Except all this kind of made her a tad sueish in turn soooooooo...I dropped a building on her. And then that blew up her character arc. (Prosthetics, baby!!! But now she can smack people around with her own arm, so like, who's really coming out on top here?)

...buuuuut then I was like "no wait I can use this" because if she's kind of always been "easily perfect", that also feeds into Jesse's jealousy/envy of her (because he struggles just to reach the bare minimum at times) and then that loops back into his guilt for letting her get hurt under his watch and then that loops back into annoyance at how she's thriving anyway and then he feels guilty about feeling like that and I oop—

(Thus, her biggest character flaw becomes being almost entirely oblivious to just how much she affects Jesse...and other people. But Jesse especially. Primarily because she's still so young. But still. And my god is that a fun heart-wrenching train wreck to watch).

#WEELP I GUESS I HAD A LOT TO SAY #ninjago #the lego ninjago movie #tlnm #ninjago ocs #oc: jesse marvell #oc: miranda marvell #the ninja legacy whip #legacyverse

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salvatoreren · 6 months

Text

I finally watched AOT's last episode and frankly, I am not okay, I have been sobbing a river oh my fucking god.

Anyways, it was really good, as expected of MAPPA anyway, I was pretty much crying the whole episode actually.

I have complaints, mostly because of the not included anime, little things like not having the flashbacks of Armin of reading a book in the rain, the squirrels etc. etc. I would have love to see them in the market and the way to the boy who sought freedom, goodbye was not implemented, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT COME ON

The anime only scenes were good too, like Levi giving food to the refugees, falco and gabi, i wish we saw their outfits tho, they slayed with that one.

the way they played 13 no fuyu, im killing myself, ive been listening to that shit since 2022 which mind you was when i was active once more in aot, the fucking flashbacks my god, that was so tragic RAHHH

i also saw aot's op, EREN WITH A BOW? EREN WITH A BOW!!! MIND YOU I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE HUNGER GAMES SO IMMEDIATELY IM LIKE YES YES IT'S GIVING KATNISS EVERDEEN, WITH WHAT HIM BEING HUMANITY'S HOPE, ESP WITH THE FIRE COMING OUT OF IT FORMING A BIRD

THE SAME BIRD WE SAW ON S4 ENDING 1, oh my god, the opening was really cool omg, it perfectly showcased eren's journey, what he went through, despite being absent in the final chapters, it still showed Eren was still the protagonist...Which isayama did not understand when he made 139

Yes, I am bitter still with the ending, no, I am not hearing anyone out and no, I am not going to pour my disappointments with it STILL, here because yeah.

It's such a shame that's the last and final time we'll ever see it, devastating tragedy omg.

ARMIN AND EREN'S FINAL INTERACTION, IM GLAD THEY MADE THEM HOLD HANDS, THANK YOU MAPPA, PLS THE WAY THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND WILL BE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN HELL, GAGGED, IM DEAD, MY ROMAN EMPIRE FOR REAL

Now that's out of the way.

It's been a long and fun ride, regardless, the final season has been going for what three years, i've been with this series for three years, it was fun really it was, this series took such a simplistic and cliched approach then twisted into something more complex and truly gutwrenching. 2020 was nothing without AOT, in my opinion, watching AOT broadened my media consumption, yanked me into the anime world and i already have so many fandoms i'm in.

2020 was a hard time too, i couldn't have done it without this bloody series, god, i remember aboarding the train hype, everything was everywhere, fics, art, videos, memes etc. All those I read influenced my writing style, all those theories made me think more critically, those memes and videos of it made me laugh. It's funny how a series like this one comforted me so much.

I remember being so traumatized by the first episode i'm like who the fuck would ever like this series with this much blood and that night i immediately searched for eren fics because i was like who is this boy i like him, i fucking dreamt of the beast titan, all those nights racing with my sister who could finish the series first, i literally woke up at 4 just to watch it before she could.

Fucking terrified which of my favorite characters were going to die next, literally sobbing over armin's death, god and the mindfuck with Marley and Eldians and Subjects of Ymir in the fray oh my god.

Can I just say, I wouldn't be who I was without AOT? Even with my cynical behavior, it's all because of it.

2021 who i never fail to reiterate and think fondly is good because of AOT as well, I figured wow, the final season is coming back, I should rewatch it again and so the hyperfixation began, i was sick too, almost dying too actually, dengue is dangerous and it was just a fond memory because i was watching aot and i acted like i never had watch these scenes in my life and despite feeling like dying i felt okay.

I was so batshit crazy when part 2 came out, that was the one that was actually peak AOT don't lie, I was literally screaming like i was giving birth OVER AN OPENING AND AN ENDING, i'll never forget any of it.

When I cried watching the whole episode, it really just occurred to me that this is really the end for AOT, i was only ever able to go through it because I have the anime and it what really kept the whole fandom alive, the anime's honestly the reason why it had this many fans as you can see.

And again the way it's heartwrenching for it to just be a simple series and then it's full blown war, jean and reiner holding out to each other, remembering how they used to be close and comrades then betrayals and war happened and it's all ruined.

The devastating realization of seeing the last few panels animated, watching the end flash through the screen, realizing there was nothing out of this now, no more next episodes, no more hype, it's gone and it's so devastating because how happy it made you, the way you'll never see these characters again, only in rewatches or art. But it's not the same.

I admit I don't feel as hyperfixated over it now, after getting burnt out of it last year, even good things go badly sadly and i was just here for eren now, but doesn't change the fact this series has nurtured my quarantine, i grew up with this series even if it was only recent, who changed the trajectory of my life and had me find my paths.

I'll never forget these characters who made my life, who brought life to the story, even if they were just moved by the plot now, i'll always have a soft spot for AOT, i will always love it, regardless how much i hate it, there will always be fondness within it.

It's kind of weird, really to see Levi who has done so much to the fandom just by existing and being drawn and animated now cease to exist? I suppose, looking at him feels weird like imagine comparing 2014 levi to 2023 levi now omg, that's where you really begin to realize how much time has passed and how much AOT has evolved AGAIN JKSDHJ

well, i'm still on eren's side, still hate what happened to him but i'll always love him, he is such an important character to me, i don't think i truly ever loved someone like him despite representing the total opposite of me, he just had that charm i suppose, his views are so hauntingly beautiful, idealistic, him representing hope, despite what he did, in the end he did what he could for himself and for his people IN MY HUMBLE ONION

eren yeager i'll always love you

i'm kinda scared what would happen to this fandom now, will it die now? Will it live? I doubt, I haven't even finished my eren fic and lol, either way i hope someone will still enjoy AOT, i hope still there will be new watchers.

This is long but this is just how I really feelt about AOT which I wholeheartedly do love and cherish with all the memories and the pain it gave.

Thank you Isayama for this world, for these characters, for these mindblowing revelations about war, life and freedom, for the heartaches and the joy.

Thank you WIT for raising AOT and truly breathing life to it, for garnering fans for it to be more appreciated.

Thank you MAPPA for continuing WIT's legacy, you are not the same but still delievered, thank you for carrying the final season and the fandom on your back, may you sleep well and have your deserved pay.

Thank you for the voice actors who breathed those memorable lines to be used in edits.

Thank you Linked Horizon for coming back, aot was iconic because of your openings.

Thank you AOT for everything.

#shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #attack on titan #thank you aot #thank you isayama

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cobaltsapphire · 2 years

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The Quarry: Playthrough w/ Friends After Thoughts (Spoilers!!)

I’ll try to keep this one shorter than the other one, but a lot did happen so I’ll summarize as well as I can. Also, I’m gonna be referring to my friends as simply A1 and D1 because yeah. This is mostly stuff they were thinking/saying, but I feel like most of it was Emma slander, so my sincerest apologies to any Emma fans who happen upon this.

Before Game

I was showing them the characters and the different ways that the game can be played and when we were on Dylan I stayed on his character for a whole of two seconds and A1 went, “Wait, is that Luke? Go back!” So I clicked through, got back to Dylan and then quickly clicked past, and A1 yelled, “That is Luke! Go back! Go back!” So I actually go back this time and confessed to them that we watched “Daniel Isn’t Real” because Miles Robbins was in it

Prologue

A1 and D1 believe Max and Laura are idiots. They are your typical start of horror movie characters that always die because they made dumb decisions. Like, splitting up? Why would you do that?

What is up with this cop dude

Oh? Old lady? Who’s gonna let us see the future? Why yes, you’re our friend

Chapter 1

Wow! Emma’s pretty, and Kaitlyn’s awesome

Why did Jacob do this ? We’re now stuck here and all of this is gonna happen cuz he WANTED ONE MORE NIGHT

Dylan closing the door on Jacob? That’s literally D1 to me

Also Dylan’s name is actually Luke

Nick’s accent is hot --- D1

Wait, Ryan is the dude from Detective Pikachu? What?! --- D1, said with genuine surprise

Why is Chris Hackett freaking out so much? What?

The Hag of Hackett’s Quarry is obviously the tarot card lady

Ryan is quite obviously Kaitlyn’s love interest

Chapter 2

Nick and Abi are cute but they are literally so awkward, they can’t even flirt properly.

TAROT CARDS. GET THEM ALL

Jacob and Emma? As a couple? Yeah, no. Nuh uh. They don’t work at all

Peanut butter butter pops... Jacob is a kid, but you know what? We’ll let him be happy

Surprisingly, A1 and D1 don’t want to make chaotic decisions, and actually want to keep everyone alive

Wait, are we gonna be hunted by these hunters?

Ryan seems interested. YES

Welp, whispers from the phone, that’s always a good sign

Oh? A trapdoor? Well let’s send Dylan down and get him killed!

Wait, OP, who’s your favorite again? --- D1, as Dylan’s climbing down the ladder

Dylan --- Me

Oh, well that’s too bad --- D1, said with obvious evil intent

Yeah, Dylan’s tall, but is he that tall?

Taking a photo! A1 has given specific instructions as to how we should take it

Wait, Ryan is both Kaitlyn AND Dylan’s love interest??? Is this a triangle??? --- D1

Truth or dare? Ryan’s a truth guy

Also Jacob has no sense of self preservation, so we picked Kaitlyn

Wait Emma. Emma no. Don’t do it Emma. Kiss your ex. Not your friend’s crush. Emma. Emma! EMMA. NO. HOW COULD YOU. YOU BROKE THE FIREND CODE. YOU---WE HATE YOU NOW. WE’RE GONNA LET YOU DIE.

Seriously though that was uncool. Kiss your ex for sake of your friend and her crush what is wrong with you. Plus you didn’t need to full on make out with him. A peck would’ve done it

Tarot card ye---why is Jacob shirtless

Between Sessions 1

Most characters are bleh

Emma is the worse, with Jacob following suit

Nick and Abi are alright, but there’s not much to them

Dylan’s not grown on them yet

Ryan and Kaitlyn are cool, but Kaitlyn’s the best

Ryan is A1′s favorite so far and Kaitlyn is D1′s

Kaitlyn gives Gogo from Big Hero 6 vibes

Chapter 3

Murder time yay!

Abi alone in the woods what could possibly go wrong

Nick’s here!

Uh oh, something’s watching

They kissed! Yes!

Welp nick’s dead

Hunter dude???

This is intense

Oop and now we’re Jacob and sobbing over Emma who’s so not worth these tears

Every choice we make is to make Emma and Jacob stay broken up forever. No hope for this couple

Emma shut up. Literally shut your mouth.

You’re so mean for literally no reason

Just stop

We’re gonna let you die

TAROT CARDS YES

D1 said no to shortcuts, but allowed us to take one, so we got it Nick in time

Nick’s infected! He’s gonna die

Is this like a zombie? Is he gonna turn into a zombie werewolf???

Don’t waste ammo --- D1, mostly

Only good thing about you is your accent, Nick --- Also D1

To Eliza: Would we even be talking to you if you didn’t offer us a look into the future??

Chapter 4

Let’s get Emma killed

But her evidence. Will we keep it if she dies??? Nevermind, let’s not get her killed

But man is she annoying... wish she would shut up. Jacob deserves better

Ah ha! A chance to get her to shut up! The high road it is then

No amount of talking makes us like you more, Emma

Snooping is our priority. Chance to snoop? Take it

Taser! Get that photo!

Okay now run

Oh yeah we’re being chased

Stay alive

We don’t like you, but we feel obligated to keep you alive, Emma

We outta here

Should’ve let Emma die but oh well

“Oh, it’s a zipline,” D1 says, in reference to the tarot card we saw and how we should totally let that future come true real quick (spoiler alert, we did not let it come true)

None of us would’ve been upset if Emma died

Chapter 5

Ryan and Dylan... what are they

So, are we cutting off Dylan’s hand?? --- Me

Yes, we’re pulling an Ethan Winters -- D1

Sorry, Dylan, we’re pulling an Ethan Winters --- Me

A1 and D1 are unsure as to if we’ll be able to cure you if we don’t so losing a hand is a better alternative

This is fine... not at all painful or anything....

OP, you sound like a mom trying to be cool --- D1

What? I sound normal --- Me

You sound like a cool mom --- D1

Oh --- Me

Yeah, you sound like a mom trying to be cool --- D1

No, it’s too late, you already messed up the wording, I’m a cool mom --- Me

Okay, Mom --- D1

EMMA, SHUT UP

Abi no!

Nick what is happening with you

We love you, nick

Kaitlyn, what are you doing stay here no don’t go out there, stay here

Kaitlyn

Please

Stay alive

“Voodoo doo doo” --- Repeated by A1

Literally anytime the woman whispers to Dylan (Luke): “Daniel?!” (iykyk)

Had a whole debate over cutting Dylan’s hand off and then decided it was the best thing to do for him, because D1 wanted to be able to cure him before he turned, but that’s not possible, so

“I’m sorry, Dylan, but you gotta become Ethan Winters” --- D1

Eye patch lady looks cool but who is she (they ask, unaware that is Laura and that they did not like her at the beginning)

Chapter 6

I’m looking at the notes I took and I kid you not this is mostly Emma slander

Why are you so mean, Emma. Jacob deserves better

Jacob you idiot! Your leg

Hat Emma so much.. Should’ve let her die... keeps stringing Jacob along (D1′s words, mostly). Just stop messing with him.

Jacob wants more out of it and she’s just like “no”

Emma’s done more bad than Jacob. This situation may be his fault, since, yk, he broke the car, but Emma is worse.

Wait

This is all Emma’s fault. It all leads back to her

Okay so... we want Emma dead, but we kinda wanna keep everyone alive.

But also who can we kill

But like keep everyone alive

Then come back and get Emma killed

Nick is being weird... “It’s because he’s turning,” D1, probably

If we have the option to kill him off, we should take it. We started liking him and then he had to go die on us.

No. Nick no. Please no. We don’t want to do this. Nick please.

“I’m so sorry,” D1 starts, knowing what we must do to save Abi. “But we have to put you down.”

Say your goodbyes

Goodbye! Bye bye!

You will be missed

“Someone pay attention to Abi,” D1 states, and then Abi is promptly thrown.

“Looks like someone paid attention to Abi!” I exclaim

Yeah we’re shooting Nick

“I’m so sorry, Nick,” D1 says as Abi picks up the gun. “It was you or me. And you were already gone.”

CONGRATULATIONS! You just avoided an Abi death!

Wait, really? -- A1

Yeah, if you don’t shoot Nick then Abi dies --- D1

Emma why are you alive... oh right, because we want to keep everyone alive

Nick is first love, Dylan’s for life

Almost like Daniel and Luke

D1 would absolutely write a fic where she personally offs Emma if given the chance. That girl w=really gets on her nerves

Between Sessions 2

Kaitlyn is best girl

Who’s the cutest boy that isn’t dead, aka Nick? --- D1

A1, very quietly, “Dylan...”

Me, “Dylan. Dylan!”

D1, “Yeah, Dylan.”

People who are genuinely nice are attractive

Sorry, Emma, but you’re no longer pretty

You’re too mean

Should’ve gotten Emma killed but oh well

Also, Dylan’s 10/10, 5/5, 1/1, 5 star rating --- A1 and Me

Chapter 7

I took the notes late on this one so I remember nothing and I don’t feel like watching the video back (because we recorded every playthrough... well I recorded every playthrough, they just watched and helped me make choices)

Something to do with flashbacks

Started to get attached to Travis here and understand him a little better now

Also, finally acknowledged werewolves

Someone finally said it

D1 said we should be compliant because A) Less likely to get hurt like that and B) Laura’s a girl and doesn’t look like she could fight back well (I personally beg to differ, but oh well)

Why is Ryan defending Chris so much -- A1 and D1 (they just don’t understand)

Chapter 8

Also barely remember anything, but definitely something about wanting Emma dead

D1 and A1 agreed with the notion that Ryan and Laura were acting like siblings

Freed Jacob! Didn’t kill Nick in the cage

Dylan getting “maced” was hilarious

He’s so dramatic

Like he was screaming and panicking until someone told him it was only air freshener (which, to be fair, probably would sting cuz of the chemicals, but definitely not as bad as mace)

And then he just goes “oh”

Possibly their favorite scene in the game

Between Sessions 3

I literally forgot to take quick notes so I have no idea. I think it was mostly D1 teasing me and joking that we’re gonna get Dylan killed in the scrapyard

Still want Emma dead

Chapter 9

Scrapyard scene!

Hehe, it would be funny if we got Dylan killed -- D1

Anyone but Dylan, D1, anyone but Dylan

Killed the majority of the Hackett's sorry Travis

“This poor man, we just keep killing his family members”

Maybe we can save Caleb though

They’re confused by the lore but that’s only because they’re asking questions that get answered later

Dylan’s got one hand -- D1

Yeah, but he gets around pretty well --- Me

How would you know? --- D1 says suggestively

Did you see him operate the crane and possibly save Kaitlyn’s life??? That’s how I know!!!

Chapter 10

I kid you not I accidentally got Kaitlyn killed

Because apparently you can hold your breath for too long, and I don’t just mean holding it until the character’s out of breath, I mean the red indicating danger can come back

Caleb killed her in the lodge while they were hiding

But we still had 3 rewinds so I instantly used it on her

Most stressed I’ve ever been because I actually did things I’ve never done/seen before in this game at the beckoning of D1 and A1

They had me hide, and then we didn’t investigate and get the silver shell.

But they had me walking around forever so we found the toy in Abi’s backpack and were able to lock Caleb in the freezer

Our mindset after locking him in the freezer alone? “Yay! We saved Caleb and managed to keep at least one member of Travis’s family alive! Since, you know, we killed everyone else.”

We were actually so happy I kid you not

We saved Caleb

And then the outro thing happened

And the words “Caleb Hackett: DECEASED” graced the screen and a piece of us died with him

The devastation was real, not to mention the disbelief

We really thought we saved him

Like, killing Kaitlyn on accident was bad

But thinking we saved Caleb only to find out we hadn’t??? Whole other level of devastation

But we searched up how to save him and keep Kaitlyn and Dylan alive, so that may be in our future

Found all the evidence! So the charges got dropped (which, as annoying as the podcast ending may be, it wouldn’t have been possible without Grace and Anton, so everyone say thank you)

A1′s best boy is Ryan, and I can’t entirely disagree with that, but Dylan is personally my favorite so

D1′s best boy was either Nick or Dylan

But we all agree that Kaitlyn is best girl

And that we need to kill Emma and save Caleb (definitely in our future, I posted this late so we’ve already started on that mission)

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dearthinkingoutloud · 6 months

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"You were holding out to find the opposite." (pt. 1)

Pre-reading: Listen to "opposite" by Sabrina Carpenter

youtube

The first time that I heard Sabrina Carpenter's song "opposite", I was enjoying her DC stop on her Emails I Can't Send Tour. She had released her album by the same name a few months before her tour announcement and I BEGGED my parents to let me go. After being a fan of her for eight years, I would finally be able to see her in concert as my first concert without my parents! I studied the entire album for months (as if I wasn't already listening on repeat) leading up to it when suddenly, she released four extra songs including opposite. I listened to one of them before the show but wanted to experience the rest of them live, so I decided to save the other three for the concert on May 14.

When she finally played "opposite," I was listening intently to the lyrics and immediately broke down. With all of the adrenaline and energy in the room combined with the lyrics, the tears came quite quickly. The first lyrics alone...

"Oh, so you do have a type? And it's not me" and a few seconds later...

"If you wanted brown eyes I could have got contacts"

Now... I don't have blue eyes like Miss Carpenter, but I inverted it to fit my experience. In my head, she might as well have said, "if you wanted blue/green eyes." Like the TikTok I posted earlier stated, "this song is so WOC-coded (women of colour)," and so as soon as I related it to my life, emotions spilled out of me. In this song, she talks about the pain of someone you like or love moving on to someone else who looks opposite of you. Boy... does that sound familiar... As a black female who grew up in many predominantly white areas, this was unfortunately a common occurrence for me. On many occasions, I would develop crushes on people who expressed no reciprocated interest; in fact, they often looked the opposite of me. White or light-skinned. Blonde. Blue or Green eyes. This disappointing cycle continued so long that I started to look internally and wonder... is it me? What is it about me that you don't like? Are my eyes not special? Am I too dark? Too big? The people who did express interest in me were adults (gross, I know) and/or only sexual in nature which I quickly declined. My self-esteem and self-confidence took a deep decline very quickly.

At the end of the song, Sabrina sings,

"And I know now Even if I tried to change That somehow You'd end up with her anyway"

... which, as you can imagine, made me sob even louder. By then, I had learned the song and was able to sing it with her, so my new concert buddy and I began doing a cross of scream-singing and scream-crying to close out the song.

As a child into my teen years, I would await the day when I needed my ends trimmed so that I could have my hair silk pressed. I wanted to lose weight and didn't want to be taller. I was obsessed with Snapchat filters. They made my eyes bigger, my nose smaller, my lips the right size. I didn't fully grasp it then, but I had wished to look like the girls who everyone wanted (in my predominantly white school). That internalized racism villainized my natural beautiful features and made them the reason why nobody liked me.

In Chapter 8 of Speak Okinawa, Elizabeth Miki Brina recounts her teen years and how her internalized racism manifested in her actions. Previously, she had called herself racist terms, but when she turned thirteen, she, all of a sudden, tried to go by her Japanese name "Miki" (she didn't succeed since everyone had been calling her Elizabeth her entire life thus far). This may seem like a step towards embracing her Japanese side, but her internalized self-hatred (which she doesn't quite know yet) came out in her constant desire to have blonde hair, change her eye shape, and wear blue contacts. She continuously expressed how ugly her Asian features are and therefore, found ways to look different than her natural self. Her mom only feels further rejected by seeing how openly Brina despised the only part of her that was completely related to her mother.

As Sabrina Carpenter said, I know now that it was not me who was at fault or necessarily them for not liking me. Now, I have found love for my natural hair, skin, lips, nose, hips, height, and so on. Of course, I still struggle to love myself like most other people, but there is a clear improvement to my past mindset.

*Look forward to Part 2 in my next post!*

♡ dearthinkingoutloud

#sabrina carpenter

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cipheress-to-k-pop · 1 year

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YOU MADE ME SOB MY EYES OUT AND THEN JUST CALMLY BROUGHT DICK BACK DOFNSKDNDSLS supernova is the nest thing that’s ever happened on this site and i can not emphasise enough the amount of joy i feel whenever i open your blog and see an update! granted i was missing for like the past few months and just read the latest chapters LMAO felt like i got knocked off my own feet when i read that he was killed??? by reader????? like HELLO??????? i was pRAYING that it was all a nightmare like my mind kept going ‘op won’t kill him off like that when the story has so far to go’ but i actually really like the way you weaved her roots & the greek mythology into it instead of just making it a bad dream! my brain combusted when i read the chapter and was like 🤯 that is so big brain of you. truly in awe of your talent and skills i can’t wait to read chapter 14 whenever it’s up! take care and don’t force yourself to write, we’re always waiting for when you’re ready!

Hehehe thank you ^^ Always makes me happy to know I'm making my readers cry muahahah

Thanks so much for the kind words sweetie, I know my updates to supernova are few and far between so I do feel bad that you guys end up waiting a month for a single chapter so this ask really makes me feel slightly relieved and happy. Thank you for that<3

Thank you darlinggg for your understanding, Chapter 14 is currently in my drafts but as usual, life is kind of getting in the way and I'm finding it difficult to write so thank you<3

I hope you like the next chapter, because things are getting excited huhuhu

#thanks for the ask!#ily nonnie #you're such a sweetheart #ilysm <3

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fedzkun · 3 years

Text

Villain Hunt Arc Meta: All For One’s Horrific Guide to Methodically Breaking Down Your Local OFA Holder

Ft. Turning the ‘Overpoweredness’ of OFA into a Setback, and AFO’s Successful Manipulations Of Midoriya Izuku

In which I also give AFO too much credit for all the pain he’s probably caused, and theorize that his plans to break Izuku actually started getting enacted even before he’d escaped Tartarus.

(A.k.a. me loving the angst because this is really good angst writing, but also hating it because the manga doesn’t come with a Angst with A Happy Ending tag unless you count Izuku’s ‘this is the story of how I became the greatest hero’ which isn’t really a guarantee of happiness )

So. What an arc! In the span of ten chapters (starting from the end of the War arc) Hori delivered a full-on Villain-looking, Vigilante Midoriya Izuku. Congratulations, Horikoshi, for finally introducing Akatani Mikumo!

The fast pacing and lack of breather panels are so fitting for this arc truly. AFO never gave them a moment’s rest. Yes, from henceforth as he’d promised... It’s always going to be his turn.

Izuku is making amazing progress with unlocking the full power of One For All. In his words, his abilities might as well already be on par with what a healthier All Might could do, and with no recoil to boot. Plus, there’s only one last quirk to unlock. For villain fights, I don’t think we need to worry about him losing, or him breaking anymore bones at this time.

Which, some might argue, makes Izuku too ‘OP.’

To start with, I want to talk first about the ‘overpoweredness’ of the One For All quirk. It’s a wonderful quirk truly, having inspired and amazed so many because of its sheer power. Used well, it could grant instant victories and restore the people’s wavering faith to the heroes. Because with a quirk like that on your side, everything’s going to be alright, right? There’s always gonna be that bit of hope that something is still strong enough to stand against the looming evil...right?

Yeah. That’s what the people who’d lived under All Might’s Era of Peace thought so too. History repeats.

OFA’s ‘OP-ness’ is both a great blessing and a great burden.

Here are some points on how the narrative has made OFA's 'overpoweredness' a setback:

1. All For One—that bastard—exploits the urge that comes with OFA. Just as ‘AFO the quirk’s’ goal is to steal OFA, OFA’s job is to defeat AFO, and Izuku is sacrificing himself to its cause.

Here’s another thing I want to point out: The conclusion that the heroes drew about AFO planning to capture Midoriya Izuku alive? In rereading, I’m starting to believe it’s nothing but a mere assumption of his plans. Aside from the deal made with Lady Nagant—of which I think AFO didn’t take seriously anyway and set her up for failure— (and while we as readers are already aware of his true intentions to wear Izuku down) it’s weird that nowhere had AFO directly mentioned to Izuku that he’s going to kidnap him and take his quirk from him.

2. OFA made Izuku so brilliant (e.g. Pros and former Pros alike going “This kid...”) that they really can't help but place all their hopes on him. Sighs. In an ideal world, this would be a dream come true of Izuku getting his due credit for all his heroic achievements Pro heroes have started to do to Izuku what they’ve done all their lives to All Might--which is to put him on the pedestal, while they fall back to cover him like guards/safety net. Hence, falling back to the One Pillar Model mindset.

3. OFA makes Izuku untouchable, not only to the villains, but also to his allies. Prime material to reinforce isolation. And if Izuku doesn't want to be caught, he won't make it easy for either side.

4. OFA IS SUS AF, OKAY? What are the Holders doing?! While gaining access to them makes it easier and convenient to have personal trainers in handling OFA, the vestiges prove to add a lot to Izuku’s mental load. If they’d allowed Izuku to come to the point of being caked with blood and filth, they’re not doing very well at guiding him. Realize that most of their arc interactions with Izuku is Quirk Talk. They, of all people, should know how AFO’s machinations work! Hey First, for the love of god, warn Izuku! He’s showing so many signs of being manipulated that you should be picking up on. please /sobs ;;

Tbf, like, I’m pretty sure that the Holders haven’t been as mentally okay either, which would feed into Izuku’s current mindset.

Now that the setbacks have been listed, let’s dive in to AFO’s plans to toy with Midoriya Izuku.

PHASE 1: Pre-Tartarus Breakout

Speaking of OFA being sus, there’s something that has been niggling at the back of my mind.

All For One basically tells Izuku: “You were my main interest that entire time I was in prison”. So, to pass the time in Tartarus (since he can’t use any(?) of his quirks), AFO has been doing nothing but apparently daydreaming and designing a personal hell for the Ninth Holder during that entire period. HOWEVER, it also made me wonder…

…Even before he’d broken out, had AFO made any moves at all in enacting his plans to break Izuku?

Yeah?

And here’s the kicker: he says that before Blackwhip bursted out.

AFO is a master manipulator. Assuming that Izuku doesn’t have any latent AFO quirk (for whatever reason *coughs* maybe dfo if you're a believer) or that Quirk Singularity has anything to do with it, what is the trigger to Izuku suddenly having access to Blackwhip?

I’d argue that it is All For One himself.

Why? What’s his goal? If you notice during the Joint Training arc, Izuku is feeling pretty confident about his progress. He’s rather happy and feeling blessed, and he is making leaps and bounds with base power OFA.

AFO can’t have that. He can’t allow the Ninth Holder to become too emotionally stable, or else he’d have a stronger will. So by somehow activating Blackwhip, AFO makes Izuku feel like he hasn’t made any progress with his quirk at all. During the evaluations, Izuku mentions that he still needs a lot to work on, and while not all of it is visible, with the way he behaves, it’s pretty evident that his self-confidence has taken a rather large hit.

But, wait! If AFO had tampered with OFA during the JT arc, paving the way to unlocking the rest (like he’d also done during the War arc when he tried to ‘steal’ it then), then wouldn’t AFO be sabotaging himself since he’d be making Izuku a more formidable opponent?

Sure. Except that the quirks inside OFA are mostly useless when it comes to the mental part of the fighting. The only thing they’re useful for is for the current Holder to be able to play keep-away in the physical realm. And AFO could easily just find counters for those through his work on Tomura.

You know how else the situation becomes advantageous for AFO? With every quirk unlocked, Izuku’s goalposts keep on getting away from him, and Izuku will always feel like he isn’t ready or prepared enough. Izuku will push and push himself to master OFA to its fullest, to become more powerful, at the cost of his mental/emotional stability and physical wellbeing as he wears himself down.

And every time Izuku grew more powerful, and became more ‘OP,’ he is burdened with all the aforementioned setbacks that came with it. He could be the most powerful person in the world, but it’s all for naught if he doesn’t take care of himself. This plan is both a high risk and high reward on AFO’s part, and as of the moment, with a bloody Izuku staggering all over, AFO is visibly reaping these high rewards.

PHASE 2: Post-Tartarus Breakout

He’s going to toy with Izuku until Izuku fucking breaks. What follows is his series of actions that instills the desired responses from Midoriya Izuku. Let’s see how the master manipulator plays this game of chess, shall we?

Izuku’s plan: Reach out to villains and try to save them.

AFO’s counter: Kill off those who turn their back against villainy and/or acknowledge Izuku as a true hero.

Izuku’s resulting response: Stop reaching out to villains. Gain an instant victory and move on.

After all, what do you get when you block a hero from showing sympathy? You get an unfeeling living weapon.

---

Izuku’s plan: Work with the top pro heroes to bring down AFO.

AFO’s counter: Make plans that will serve to highlight how the top pros are just slowing Izuku down. (e.g. Making moves while it’s raining, so as to divide them, but also to bring out No. 1 Hero Endeavor’s "slowness" in the rain. Nope, I don’t think that’s a throwaway line at all.)

Izuku’s resulting response: Grows more reckless, often leading the charge.

---

Izuku’s plan: Track AFO down.

AFO’s counter: Lead them to dead-ends. Or when they do supposedly reach something, endanger them.

Izuku’s resulting response: His tunnel vision worsens, as he grows more desperate.

---

Izuku’s plan: All Might following him around is okay since it would help All Might from worrying so much, and Izuku could simultaneously keep an eye on and protect All Might.

AFO’s counters: There are a lot to really fuck with this bond, damn you AFO.

Taint that passing the torch memory of ‘You’re Next.’

Declare that All Might no longer interests him. Liar. He outright stated before that he’s one for keeping a grudge

Send another assassin to Izuku [Underlying Message: You yourself are a walking danger zone to those whom you dearly care for.]

Izuku’s resulting response:

Interpret that memory of ‘You’re Next’ as taking up the position of being AFO’s shiny new plaything, and therefore supposedly sparing All Might from the torment (Unfortunately, making Izuku push AM away is just part of the torment ;A;)

Think that AM is no longer in the direct line of fire as long as AFO focuses on Izuku

Finally, push his last line of morale support away, and completely isolate himself.

Btw, I wonder how All Might feels about Izuku using Nana's quirk to get away from him.

---

The suffering doesn’t end.

Izuku’s plan: Save people.

AFO’s counters: (possibly offscreen) Send more villains and assassins to torment Izuku some more with the knowledge that he can’t save them. Sending villains out also puts innocents in danger.

Izuku’s resulting response: He won’t stop for anything. He won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t slow down. He will always do his best to save as long as someone is in danger.

His body will keep on moving and moving and MOVING on its own.

--- All For One is very effective as a supervillain. He has managed to make the heroes think that his only goal is to capture Izuku alive for his quirk. He has Izuku right where he wants him: dancing to his tune at the palm of his hand, utterly toyed with, left with no escape in sight.

Psychologically vaulted.

PHASE 3

And so, if Izuku is being manipulated to drive himself further and further into self-destruction, what then is there left for All For One to do?

So much more. Because, my god, I think AFO has mastered the art of traumatizing the OFA Holders.

All For One once told All Might, “I will destroy all that you’ve protected.” And boy, is he delivering. He's definitely not done with AM btw.

First, he destroys All Might's image. And he is manipulating Izuku to drive himself to that point. To looking into his absolute worst.

And when that point arrives, AFO will hammer the final nail home.

Something like...

BEHOLD

JAPAN’S SYMBOL OF PEACE.

And oh, how it'll hurt. To see All Might's pride and joy be flaunted about as looking nothing like a hero to the masses, for him to be so utterly humiliated.

"See what I did to All Might's successor."

AFO will be banking upon the possibility that the angry masses will not want to be saved by whom they're tricked into viewing as someone that's the cause of all the pain. Izuku might have the willpower to stay true to his resolve, but with him on the verge of total breakdown, what would happen when he is shunned by the very people he is trying to help?

I once wrote a post about how the current events seem to be a bastardization of Izuku's wildest fantasies: he's working with the top pros, he has the most powerful quirk, and he's working with All Might (whom technically acts as a sidekick to him rn).

AFO has warped all that into a never-ending nightmare. And Izuku...

Izuku is really in need of saving.

Last thoughts:

Let me just say that it shouldn't be a competition about who gets to get through to Izuku. Right now, he’s gonna need all the help he can get, and it can’t be delivered by only one or two people. Saving Izuku is going to be a team effort, a solid support system that sees Izuku as their classmate/friend/student/actual person that they care about. And there’s sufficient space for that.

More hands reaching out means more chances to catch him if he falls.

#bnha #bnha 317 #bnha manga #bnha analysis #bnha meta #all for one #afo #midoriya izuku #all might #toshinori yagi

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