#Men's issues

[st-dionysus]

I want to take a moment to talk about transandrophobia and cisgender men. I've spoken a lot in the pass about cis women and other trans people who attack or dismiss transgender men for being men out of the fear of men or the fear of their daughters becoming men or the fear of lesbian lovers becoming men.

However, cis men also fear trans men's manhood. Cis men often feel threatened by our existence, since they view us as a challenge to their identity and their manhood. Cis men are terrified of the concept that a "woman" can become a man. So often they are horrified by the concept of us growing cocks or getting srs, of use having facial hair, gaining muscle, behaving masculine or feminine, walking into the showers, their gym spaces, using the urinal, pissing on the side of the road, or just being in any way male. Cis men don't just dislike that we're trans, they actively dislike that we're men, they fear us being men because if a "woman" can become a man, that challenges the structure of the patriarchy, it challenges the system, and it "perverts" the meaning of male and redefines manhood and masculinity. In doing so, we force cis men to consider these binaries and that scares them, we terrify them with the concept of "women" gaining access to male spaces where they might see them vulnerable.

#Trans issues #trans men #ftm #female to male #trans masculine #masculinity #men's issues #trans man #transandrophobia #transphobia #queerphobia #saint speaks

[alwaysbewoke]

"The Left has FAILED Men"... I guess

#Youtube #politics #feminism #men's issues #capitalism

[dkettchen]

✨ Men's day PSA ✨

by your friendly neighborhood transmasc men's lib activist ⁓

To the women, male feminists, gays, nonbinaries and transmascs who haven't gotten with the program yet:

If you want the rest of us (incl all trans & otherwise genderqueer ppl) to be free, cishet men need to be freed, because misandry and gender roles affect all of us, but they're the ones defining society's mainstream conception of what it is to be a Man™.

And cishet men can't do that by themselves, so they need your allyship!

Here's my old video on men's issues if you need a general intro to men's lib. Feel free to also check out my videos on men's studies and matriarchy, as well as the various things linked in their descriptions.

Here's some simple things you can do for the men in your life:

question your misandry & anti-men/-masculinity biases

ex. do you think it's fine to make fun of/be mean to men? how do you feel about your own masculine qualities? would you do/think the same thing to/about them if they were a woman/queer person? etc

meet men with kindness & give them the benefit of the doubt

men, like anyone else, are people and not a monolith, the vast majority of them are perfectly lovely and safe to interact with and don't deserve your prejudice, they deserve to be treated as well as anyone else & are usually used to being treated significantly worse

include them in stuff & teach them skills they traditionally don't get to participate in

there are plenty of matriarchal skills that are hecking useful & not available to a lot of cishet men the way they are to women and queer people, ex. make-up, hair/nails/skin care, fashion, sewing/knitting/crafting, or even just like base social skills/presentability

value them

ex. show that you want for them to be alive, healthy, and happy; compliment them/their looks; (where applicable) express your attraction to them incl what abt them you're attracted to; etc

support them in their own self-liberation efforts

ex. emotions/mental health/self-worth, fashion/self-care, parenting/home-making, etc

respect their current limits & comfort zone

ex. if they're not/not yet comfy w something more extremely out of their comfort zone, don't push it, as it might discourage them; understand that certain things don't come to them as easily (yet) as they do to you

remember intersectionality as with all things

ex. don't forget that plenty of men have marginalised identities (mental health, disability, class, race, queerness, etc) and therefore are not the Image of Privilege you may make Men™ out to be; don't invalidate/erase transmascs' & queer men's claim to female gender role things/femininity in order to validate their manhood/masculinity; be mindful of different issues & stereotypes affecting men of different ethnicities; etc

#men's day #men's lib #men's issues #men's rights #trans #gender lib #psa

[isaacsapphire]

Gender and IF

#food #diet and exercise #gender roles #intermittent fasting #men's issues #original post

[generalchelseamayhem]

It's nice whenever men open up about issues they may or may not have locked up inside for a long, long time. The world should head in that direction, worldwide.

I resist the urge to groan when they say they're better than preexisting MRAs. "That aren't trying to silence innocent women!" because female MRAs don't exist... ... ...

Thoughts?

I'm not in the business of taking credit, but one of the things I strongly advocate for, and that I try to spread day after day, is caring about men for men's own sake, because that alone is a good enough reason to care.

When the subject of "I'm doing [thing MRAs have been talking about for years], but I'm not like those icky MRAs" comes up, I think of things like The Good Men Project, a transparently intersectional-feminist attempt to capture this discussion. Take this Ask An Ally column, an example I just pulled out randomly from searching their website for 2 minutes.

There's a lot of therapy-talk in here that frankly I wouldn't use for this discussion if given the choice, but in broad strokes, I agree with what's being said here! This is all good stuff to talk about!

And then it pulls the rug out from under you.

It's not that any of this is wrong, per se, but it betrays the fact that the person responding to the question doesn't actually care about men for men's sake, but for women's sake. And sure, wanting to reduce domestic violence done to women is a noble goal, but we need at least some people to care about men for men's sake, you know? Otherwise we're reinforcing yet another harmful stereotype of the True Male, which is that a man's greatest and perhaps only worth is protecting women from harm. This never occurs to people like The Good Men Project because they only care about men insofar as they care about the wellbeing of the women around men.

So when people go out of their way to say "I'm not like those icky MRAs", I think about how stagnant and unmoving the conversation around men's issues would be. I think about how many people over the past few years have, one way or another, broken out of that Good Men Project mindset and started appreciating men as men, not as some kind of accessory to people who really matter.

And sometimes I feel like I might have made a difference after all, even if that difference goes unnoticed and disavowed.

#MRA #Men's issues

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Wanting to bring awareness to men’s issues does not mean we don’t want awareness for women’s issues as well 

#mens rights #double standards #men's issues

[transgender-png]

hate when someone refers to a guy being stubborn/hotheaded/hard to open up/other bad trait as "being a guy/a man thing".

i KNOW if a woman was being emotional or defensive or hell, even one of the things i mentioned before, and i said "it's because she's a woman" i would earn myself a one way ticket to Asshole Town and rightfully so! but someone saying the same thing about a man is apparently okay, because he's a man?

this is an issue i noticed long before i started transitioning, but i notice it a lot more now.

it's no wonder men act like douchebags when theyre taught from a very young age that that's how they're supposed to be. if you teach someone they're supposed to be aggressive and tough and emotionless because that's what it means to be their gender, of course they're going to grow up to act like that.

and if you read this post and think that because im standing up for an issue men face, that i cant also believe in women's rights and stand up for them, then i think you need to reassess your reading comprehension skills and how open-minded you really are, because the fact that women have issues that are caused mostly by men in our society and men have issues that are caused mostly by women in our society are two things that can, and do, coexist, and you should be including men in your feminism too. no one benefits and everyone is hurt under the patriarchy.

#rant #trans #women's issues #men's issues #feminism #feminism is for everyone #destroy the patriarchy #the patriarchy hurts everyone

[itsbansheebitch]

Breast Cancer "Awareness": Let's Talk

The breast cancer awareness movement used to be a very important part of our history, but recently it has been seen as a target for scams, fraud, and fake charities.

I always was confused as a kid why breast cancer "awareness" ALWAYS focused on women (see pink bow, pink boxing gloves, and "fight like a girl") when men can ALSO get breast cancer. WHY are we gatekeeping a life threatening disease???

Not to mention the sexualization of breast cancer. Why is the body part more marketable than the person? You aren't donating to save boobs, you're donating to SAVE LIVES. Why is that so hard to market?

Anyway, if you see an organization say that x% of donations/profits goes to breast cancer AWARENESS you can know with certainty that that money is going straight to more marketing. Don't waste your time with donating to those people. Instead, get annual or 6 month checkups and remember to remind your friends that no matter your gender or sex, you too can get breast cancer. THAT will ACTUALLY help with "Awareness."

#feminism #mysogyny #mysandry #men's issues #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #queer #trans rights #cancer #breast cancer

[alabasterandpitch]

This is probably gonna end up a garbled word salad. I'm just vomiting my insecurities, please don't take this too seriously

Realtalk, the Tumblr community is a wonderful place to find like-minded folks who share your fucked up interests and obsessions and mental illnesses, and it's honestly really nice to share that with someone as I start down the neuro-questioning rabbit hole myself. I don't think I really appreciated how closed-off I'd let that part of myself get these last few years.

But shit if this site doesn't make me feel like hot garbage as a (semi)straight man sometimes. And on some level I get it; even if we're not all oppressive agents of The Patriarchy™, there's a lot of privilege being seen as part of the in-group of society's Default Setting™. Even though I don't really fit the typical ideal of masculinity in a lot of ways, I'm still spared a tremendous amount of grief purely by virtue of being visibly male-presenting, so I'm hardly the target-demographic on Tumblr. I have my own axe to grind with societal perceptions and expectations of masculinity, but we'll save that for another day.

Tumblr is a community that focuses on uplifting and empowering marginalized groups and bringing together artists and weirdoes and eccentrics and people who might otherwise feel utterly isolated and alone, and that's such an amazing and laudable thing. I think it's more necessary than ever in the world today to have communities that celebrate all sorts of marginalized people that we don't see reflected in Mainstream Society's version of things, whether they be LGBTQ+, POC, ND, or anyone who wants to break free from the box of restrictive societal norms they feel trapped by.

Believe me, the absolute last thing I wanna do as a straight(ish) cis man is show up at The Designated LGBTQ+ Hellsite™ and start whining: 'bUt WhAt AbOuT mE?1?!?'.' But I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel a little shitty sometimes to rediscover such a vibrant community of people I can actually relate to, who makes my weird brain feel a little less alone, only to feel like I stumbled uninvited into a party nobody wants me at.

I guess I often don't feel like I'm intrinsically desirable as a man on the scrawny, introverted end of the spectrum (hardy har), and I know that's on me to deal with in therapy.

It would just be nice to see a little more male-positivity

To all the lads, boys, men -- whatever word you want! -- out there, you're fuckin killin' it dude and I'm goddamn proud of you. Don't hesitate to check in with yourself and dump out all the emotional shit from time to time, and for the love of all that is holy, don't give yourself a second less time and love than you would give to your dearest friend in need.

My asks are always open if you wanna vent to someone who knows the struggle.

#rant #rambling #venting #journal #masculinity #positive masculinity #self hatred #self loathing #ignore me #cis men #ftm #trans men #male positivity #gnc #gender identity #actually mentally ill #mental illness #self esteem #men #men's issues #i'm probably overthinking this #please dont judge me #too normal for the weirdos #too weird for the normies #too weird to live too rare to die #male validation #masculine #masc #masculine urge #the masculine urge to yearn for emotional intimacy

[alwaysbewoke]

unless you're a highly religious man, marriage just isn't worth the risk if you're a guy. you don't realize this when you're young, which is when you're most vulnerable, but as you get older, as you learn more about life, as you learn more about women, as you learn more about the games that are being played in relationships, as you learn more about divorce rates, as you learn more about people staying in unhappy marriages for the sake of kids, appearances, finances, etc., the more you realize that marriage is a gamble where the stakes are stacked against you as a man. this is especially true if you're not a wealthy man. if you're wealthy (like say a net worth of 50 million) and you lose half of that, you're still really rich and chances are you have the know-how and connections to make back what you lost. however, if you're a guy just making 50k a year and you suddenly lose half or more, you can literally find yourself homeless. it's crazy.

#marriage risks #marriage gamble #relationship insights #divorce awareness #gender dynamics #family law #marriage struggles #financial risk #men's issues #marriage perceptions #life lessons #relationship truths #marital concerns #divorce statistics #gender inequality #family dynamics #marriage advice #men's perspective #relationship realities

[liskantope]

Bill Maher, underneath his dickish exterior, does seem to have a fairly enlightened and freethinking views on our social ills a lot of the time, and then there are moments like two of the "new rules" in his New Rules segment this past Friday.

New rule: now that this school lunch lady in Connecticut has been arrested for sending nude photos and having sex with a 14-year-old, that kid has to tell us, what's your secret?

I find this a very old and quite a poor-taste joke. Nowadays most of us (including the type of feminist who a decade ago seemed to talk about boys/men like they had no issues to face worth being concerned about) seem to recognize that an adult taking advantage of a 14-year-old is horrible regardless of genders. South Park had an episode many years ago (S10E10 "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy", itself having a main plot which is pretty questionable even for South Park) during which one of the running gags was about people who thought the way Maher is acting for his joke. This has been well played out.

And later...

It just doesn't make sense that this is illegal [picture of young, conventionally attractive nude woman in the pool] while this is not [picture of a very overweight shirtless man].

As always, fat-shaming is great fun if the target is a guy. Seriously, both of these are in the presence of one of this week's guests, Scott Galloway, who was there partly to talk about how boys and men falling behind and are dealing with issues that we need to take more seriously.

Come on, Maher, do better (and grow up).

#bill maher #teen molestation cw #south park #fat-shaming cw #men's issues

[generalchelseamayhem]

Unpopular Opinion: "Men suffer from toxic (you know what goes here) and Women suffer from sexism" is a fancy way of saying women are allowed to snap from trauma, whereas men should blame themselves and make sure they're never a danger to anyone else.

And boy, does society love that last one. Victim blaming at its finest.

This ask hits kind of a personally relevant note for me, so apologies if this is longer than you expected.

I think there's some kind of logic behind this, like people will say this about a woman on the assumption that she has exhausted every possible avenue of help, and found no help forthcoming, whereas they will say the other thing about a man on the assumption that help has been offered to him and he flatly refused to take it. Men will do anything rather than go to therapy! etc. etc.

And I think what this misses is the ways that everyone, including these same people, can even unknowingly disincentivise men from actually getting help.

I haven't told anyone I know IRL about this, but yesterday, I started therapy. It's costing me money out of my own pocket because Medicare only covers about 65% of the full price of an appointment—and that's if you've already gone to a GP and paid more money to get a referral. I digress. The point is, every single one of my friends I opened up to about my problems was like "Dude. Seek help. Now." It kinda made me feel ashamed for opening up about my problems in the first place, to anyone other than a trained professional. Yes, there was also a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th place, so I can understand how it might have been hard to deal with, but the feeling remained.

Eventually, it reached the point where I could no longer justify my "self-improvement using only myself" regimen against my punishingly restrictive budget. Not only because my ability to cope reached an end, but because my budget finally got a bit more relaxed. So I listened to my friends and booked an appointment with my GP, then with a psychologist she referred me to.

First impressions are everything, and I have to be frank, I don't think I built much of a rapport with this guy. But the main issue was—

If you've ever had mental health issues, what's the one thing that always prevents you from seeking help?

Correct, that your problems are tiny and not worthy of consideration next to the grand scale of human suffering. Why should the psychologist be helping you, when there are actively suicidal people or people in prison or abuse survivors, all with way worse problems than you, whom he could be helping instead?

People around you will insist that all mental health struggles are valid, that there isn't, like, a minimum standard for how desperate you need to feel before you seek help.

I wasn't really sure how to start, so I just told him the story of what happened to me during the pandemic. The way my ex and I drifted apart, the way I sacrificed some of my needs during that time to make sure hers were met, the financial pressure I felt from my parents cajoling me into buying a house, other seemingly close friends (at least 3 of them?) ghosting me without the slightest explanation.

And all he could say at the end, when I'd run out of things to talk about, was "What do you want me to do here?"

I can understand why a question like that might be asked in therapy settings, but hearing it so bluntly like that... it genuinely made me feel like my problems were insignificant on a scale I hadn't imagined. It was said in a way that suggested there was nothing here for us to latch onto, nothing for us to improve upon, just me whining about stuff that happened ages ago. It hurt.

Obviously I didn't have much of an answer to give. If I knew what to do about the things that were making me feel sad, I would have done them myself without paying $60 for a middle-man to tell me to do them. Broadly speaking, I would like the bad feelings to go away and my awkward behaviour in certain situations to stop! Was that not obvious? You're the expert! If you listened to me talk for 40 minutes and you don't think there's a clear and obvious way forward, what does that say about the scope and severity of my problems?

I don't think I'll stick with this guy. My point here is, I think people should be a lot more careful about recommending therapy to men, because they can be so careless about dismissing men's problems out of hand with the other side of their mouth. Whether that takes the form of mocking people for male tears, or chastising them because women aren't your therapists and can't be expected to perform that kind of emotional labour, or any other of a number of subconscious biases that still insist "Your problems aren't actually real."

To be quite honest, I don't even think therapy will be a productive avenue for me. That kind of thing never factors into these conversations though, and I think that's because a lot of "men need therapy" discourse is entirely performative.

#for mental health purposes #men's issues #toxic masculinity #ask

[nerdfighterwhatevernumbers]

Here’s a much kinder vid about what I’ve been complaining about

#youtube #masculinity #men's issues

[ryanjudgesthings]

Apparently some people actually think men get praised as brave and all when they talk about their feelings so, uh, if you think that, then no. That's bullshit. My brother was open about his feelings and he got belittled and laughed at until he died by suicide. If you think men can talk about their feelings and be called brave, you probably have no idea how much men in your life are burying. This isn't Hollywood.

This isn't to say that women are completely open to talk either. Plenty of people will unfortunately write off a woman as crazy and unhinged and that's bullshit. But it's not a competition. Better mental health for everyone should be the goal.

#men #men's issues #men's mental health #suicide mention tw #suicide tw

[aloeverawrites]

#feminist #feminism #men's liberation #pop culture #pop culture detective #mental health #men's issues #sterotypes #trans masc #I'm relating to this video a little too hard #media #literary analysis #Youtube