I always forget I was legit there when endogenic and alterhuman were coined and that alterhuman was intentionally coined as “a catch-all for all inhuman identities, including alters”. and when DID systems tried to say we’re not comfortable with being lumped in with kin and “natural multiplicity” identities, and that this could actively be dangerous to equate a mental health issue with a spiritual issue, everyone just ignored us.
now I even occasionally see anti-endo DID systems unwittingly use the word alterhuman or get involved in that community. when the label was coined by an endogenic system who also coined endo (or was in the vicinity of the person who did, bad memory. it all happened in the same timeframe/social cliques tho)
so just to be clear. endogenic and alterhuman were branch-offs from kin and soulbonding, and the entire point of the definition was to force an inherently mismatched community together, even with dozens of mentally ill people telling them this is a terrible and dangerous idea.
that was also the time in my life I was constantly told things like “alters aren’t even real, they’re just symptoms. natural headmates and soulbonds are real living people though. idk why there’s even a debate about it when my soulbonds are just real people and DID alters aren’t.”
which led to several alters denying their trauma for years and to this day they can’t remove the concept of personhood from damaging concepts of toxic spirituality but that’s a story for another day <3
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Look I know we're supposed to respect service workers in food and delivery and stuff but sometimes don't you just get the urge to tell someone to off themselves.. how do you fuck up badly enough as to not deliver anywhere at all. Not to the next house. Not the street over. Just gone. Why this bitch eat my food. Go eat ur own food I hope u die 👍
Like fine I can walk a block or two if you can't read an address but why are you stealing people's shit, man.. people these days. Just agh. Wall head smash. I'm HUNGRY.
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just applied for the job i had during college and honestly it feels bad man
everyone I know is actually accomplishing things with their life, buying property, getting promotions, getting their masters etc
fuck, even my cousin who is several years younger than me and has very little to no college (aka doesn’t have student loan debt) just got a management position at a fortune 100 company and is now making more than 60k
And where am I now?
Couldn’t do my job at the big company I was supposed to work at, where I had insurance and got paid enough to actually pay for things
all I do now is feeding horses and basically just putting them in different places 4 hours a day 6 days a week for less than what I made ever since I started working and living off that and what’s left of what I had accumulated in my 401k at my old job (that im gonna have to pay thousands of taxes on for taking it out too early im sure) and therefore fucking myself over for the future- everyone always says start young well I did and I’m too fucking useless to function without wanting to remove my skin apparently so I fucked that up
And yeah it was just an online application so I don’t know how likely it is they’ll even respond and hire me again but I feel like I am going backwards
I did what everybody always insisted I had to do
i went to college
i got a “real” (office) job
i got more than 25k student loan debt I have not been able to make even a dent in
and what do i have to show for it? even worse mental illness? A piece of paper that said i went to college? Crippling fear of answering a phone? an extreme hate for the way I look now?
and now im (at least attempting) to go back to where I was before all that bc that’s the only place i can think of will hire me, to a job I did not enjoy whatsoever, where I am going to have to explain to the high schoolers that would be working closing shift that I will have to do after the morning job like yeah i left here 3 years ago for a competitive job that paid twice as much at one of the (apparently voted) best employers in the city that everyone wants to work for but I threw it all away bc im a useless fucking idiot and now I’m back here working fast food watching all these people who will go to school and get the jobs they want and not fuck it up and actually be successful and move on with their lives
it just,,, it doesn’t feel good
i feel like I’ll never get anywhere so what’s even the point
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my mom came up to me in between us desperately trying to help my sister with her tooth pain and said, “I know you’re on Twitter and all these things so if you see stuff about Jewish things-” and I said, “I know, the FBI terror threat to synagogues, it’s been neutralized apparently,” and she said, “no, Israel elected in a horrifically right-wing government” so it’s a fun day to be a Jew. it’s fun. it is... it is fun.
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