#It's not conscious on their part. They don't choose to share things usually. It's been that way since they were born.

[kenjakusbrainstem]

Examination (Kenjaku x Reader)

Contains: Medical kink, gynecology exam gone sexual, vaginal fingering, Kenjaku as a doctor, dubious consent.

Hello~ Day 12 of kinktober was Medical play, and I have this running fantasy for a few years that goes along this similar vein. Though I've subbed Kenjaku in for the character I normally imagine in this scenario, it's surprisingly fitting for him, don't you think? Crossposted to Ao3 under the same name and shared to twt at kenjakusbrain, comment or reblog if you have anything to say!

You felt uncomfortable as you sat in the examination room. It had been some time since you had visited a gynecologist, as sexual health wasn’t quite at the top of your concern list. It had been some time since you last had a sexual partner, and even then it wasn’t something you looked forward to. That was, in part, the reason for your visit. You had some questions that you wanted to ask, just to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with you.

Along with also being new in the area and going to a new doctor, you wanted to start completely over with this move. Part of that involved making sure you were healthy, so getting back into the yearly exam was just another part of your to do list. 

It had been about ten minutes since the nurse had excused herself to allow you to undress and go alert the doctor. The gown you put on made you feel exposed, as you had trouble closing it in the back, leaving a chill to take over your body. You glanced around the room anxiously, hoping that you’d have the courage to ask your questions in a succinct manner. 

The sound of the door opening made you jump. You turned to greet the doctor but your voice caught in your throat. He looked very different than you had expected, though you weren’t entirely sure what you expected from a doctor you had known nothing about. 

The man was tall, his long dark hair pulled out of his face into a bun but the majority of it still cascaded down his back. His button up shirt looked like it was almost too tight for him, the lab coat he wore over it doing very little to conceal his bulky frame. You almost missed the small line on his forehead, choosing to ignore it as it wasn’t your place to ask about a wound on a doctor, but somehow it seemed to add to his features in such a way that made him more handsome. This doctor was easily the most attractive man you’d ever seen outside of television.

“Nice to meet you, my name is Doctor Kamo, but my patients usually refer to me as Kenjaku. I will be conducting your exam today. Is there any specific reason for your visit?” The doctor, Kenjaku, asked, it seemed he was more of a straight to business man instead of the kind that apologizes for making you wait so long. You didn’t mind though, somehow you were both reassured by his presence and made self conscious by his appearance. 

The thought of having someone this attractive touch you, wasn’t something you were ready for. Gathering your wits about you, you let out a breath you hadn’t known you were holding.

“N-not really, I’m mostly just here for an annual exam,” You forced the words out, suddenly too afraid to ask the other questions that had brought you here. Perhaps you could find another doctor to go to with those questions, some old woman that didn’t make you feel strange.

Kenjaku observed you as he began to get ready, washing his hands and putting on some gloves while studying your medical records that had been pulled up on the computer in the room.

“‘Mostly’ sounds like you have other things to say, I won’t press you, but I can’t look for things I’m unaware of,” Kenjaku said as he sat down in front of you. His words weren’t too cold, but they offered little comfort beyond not being forced to answer questions. “Your chart mentions that you aren’t sexually active, is that a choice or is that the nature of the question you don’t have?”

You blinked at the doctor, it surprised you to be read so easily. You know you mentioned that when filling out your paperwork, but you hadn’t expected it to be brought up. Especially not in this way, he mentioned not pressing, but immediately moved into asking more invasive questions. Still Kenjaku’s tone was nothing but clinical, it was his job to make sense of things like this. You probably weren’t the only person he had to pull answers out of. 

“I’ve had sex before but it just seems like there isn’t a point to it,” You answered honestly. You were interested in sex, you just didn’t understand what was so enjoyable. There was no urge to have children, all of your previous partners made sex feel like you were there for them to use and move along from. It felt more like something you did for someone else and less like something you felt pleasure in.

Kenjaku nodded, observing you more as you spoke. You felt that somehow he was reading between the things you were saying, not that you’d even said much. It was the way he stared at you, like you were to be studied and not helped.

“Interesting, low sex drive or something else? Low drive can be normal with other factors, if that is the issue. You’re a little too young for some things that can lead to difficulties with sex, have you had any problems that I should look for in my exam?” Kenjaku looked into your eyes as he spoke, his questions making your stomach turn with anxiety.

The question you had intended to ask floated to the forefront of your mind, a faint blush appearing on your cheeks. Averting your eyes you studied the wall behind him for a moment. What was the worst thing that could happen? If you got too embarrassed you could just never come back here. 

He seemed like a thorough doctor, even if he were a bit eccentric, he probably could help you in some way. At the very least he could make sure there was nothing inherently wrong with you for the issues you’d been having.

“Well, and please don’t laugh, I don’t have sex because I can’t reach orgasm. Partners have tried and it usually just turns into me faking a reaction and waiting for them to finish. So I gave up, it’s too much of a hassle to try and keep up appearances and no one wants a woman that doesn’t put out,” You explained, looking down in shame. You knew it wasn’t an intentional failing, but you couldn’t help but feel like there had to be something wrong with you.

Kenjaku didn’t laugh, but you could see a glimmer in his eye that made your stomach drop. 

“That is more common than you realize. If you don’t have anything else I should know about, please place your feet in the stirrups,” Kenjaku’s acknowledgement felt like it should have been reassuring, but it wasn’t somehow. It was hard for you to find comfort from a man as attractive as him knowing what was about to happen. 

The smile that was plastered on Kenjaku’s face felt like it should have been genuine, but there was something off. Even ignoring the strange stitching on his forehead, his handsome features didn’t show anything suspicious.

Doing as you were told you placed your bare feet in the hooks at the end of the bed, adjusting your position. The gown covered you in a way that allowed you to only see the top of Kenjaku’s head, the dark bun in his hair and the stitches you were fixated on. It was probably better that way, the last thing you needed to see was his face as he examined you.

The cold air against your pussy made you shiver, goosebumps forming on your arms in response. Even colder were the gloved hands Kenjaku touched your labia with. The fingers hadn’t startled you, but much to your embarrassment you did feel yourself clench around nothing as he examined you from the outside.

The doctor was being thorough, perhaps too thorough, but it had been so long since you’d done one of these exams you weren’t quite sure what was called for. Kenjaku seemed clinical enough, fingers not lingering, the touch wasn’t sensual at all. 

“Things seem to be normal, even your self lubrication seems to be adequate for sexual intercourse. Now hold still, this may pinch a little,” Kenjaku said matter of factly. You watched the bun on top of his head disappear as he leaned back to grab a tool off of the tray he had nearby. 

Other than the spoken warning, he didn’t hesitate inserting the speculum inside of you. It was cold, filling you up and spreading you open for him. A small pained noise left your throat, though you did try to keep quiet. You thought you could hear a small chuckle, but it was so quiet you doubted it had even happened.

There was a pause, Kenjaku hadn’t moved and you were trying to avoid squirming, hoping your discomfort wasn’t too obvious. You felt a gloved hand rest on the apex of your thigh, as if to hold you still. Though his hands had felt cold at first, now they felt warm on your skin even through the latex. It was almost comforting.

The sound of paper tearing brought you back to paying attention. You wondered what it could be, until you felt the discomfort of having a cotton swab shoved inside of you. Once it had been removed you waited for the speculum to be removed too, but nothing happened. You wondered if he was going to swab for something else, or look for something else inside of you perhaps.

Before your thought could fully form, you felt his thumb on your clit, not stimulating, just resting there. You froze, unsure if he was just being thorough or if something strange was happening.

“I’m going to run some extra tests. Everything seems in line, you don’t seem to be missing anything in the areas most sensitive, you should be able to achieve orgasm. So long as you have a competent partner,” Kenjaku’s voice retained the same clinical tone he had been using thus far. 

He didn’t give you a chance to respond before his thumb began moving in slow circles around your clit. Your hand flew to your mouth, covering it to prevent any sounds from coming out. You couldn’t deny that it felt nice, the latex felt even more foreign than his hand. 

Kenjaku watched as you clenched around the speculum that still held you open. The stimulation was so sudden and unexpected, you didn’t know what to do. When you were mulling over asking about orgasming, this had never occurred to you. 

As quickly as it entered you, Kenjaku disengaged and removed the speculum from your body. You could feel yourself clenching around nothing, glad that it was gone but almost missing the fullness. 

The speed of Kenjaku’s thumb on your clit increased, the sensitive bud very receptive to his touch. It felt like electricity shooting through you, the pleasure was indescribable. You had never spent much time trying anything other than penetrative sex, so this was completely new to you. It hadn’t occurred to you to try something like this for yourself, choosing to assume all sex was the same.

Part of you wanted to express that thought to Kenjaku, that it was just something you had been unaware of and there was no need to continue. What stopped you was the feeling of two thick, gloved fingers entering your tight hole.

It didn’t hurt, especially since he had just removed a tool meant to spread you open, but it did feel big. Kenjaku’s hands were large, something you hadn’t noticed until his fingers were buried inside of you. Instead of thrusting as you had expected, they prodded about, as if he were searching for something. 

You opened your mouth to speak, to tell him that he didn’t need to do this, but your words caught in your throat as his fingers brushed up against a bundle of nerves inside you. Hand clamping back over your mouth, you bit into your fingers, using all of your focus to keep the sounds in. 

Kenjaku didn’t pull his fingers out after making his discovery, choosing instead to rub against the spot inside of you, making your thighs shake. You could feel just how wet you were getting, the squishing sound of his fingers in your pussy the only thing that filled the room other than the ones you made.

“It seems like you shouldn’t have trouble reaching orgasm now. The only trouble you’d had was just not having an attentive partner, don’t worry though, I’ll make sure to guide you through this one,” Kenjaku said, his clinical voice somehow had become arousing to you. You weren’t sure if it was just the state he had you in or if he had intended to have this affect on you.

A whine left your lips as his hand left your clit, desperate for the attention he’d been giving you. The hand instead pushed up your gown, making it so he could see your face.

You also now could see Kenjaku, nestled between your thighs with his fingers buried inside of you. Never had you thought you’d have a man so handsome like this. Even if you were just another exam to him, you knew you’d never forget the sight of him like this.

Kenjaku winked at you before lowering his face, tongue teasingly licking at your sensitive clit. You had to bite harder into your hand to keep your sounds in. Everything already felt too overwhelming, but his warm tongue lavishing your clit with attention was beyond anything you thought a person could feel.

The sight of him sucking at your clit was something you wanted burned into your mind. A strand of dark hair loose, tickling the strangely attractive stitches on his face. Kenjaku’s eyes, staring up and into yours as he took your clit fully into his mouth and sucked. It was too much, you wanted to look away but his eyes held you still somehow.

His fingers hadn’t stopped rubbing the sensitive spot inside of you, they had moved onto pressing against it. Hand shallowly thrusting directly into the nerves, making your body quiver.

You couldn’t take it any longer, feeling something snap inside of you. Kenjaku didn’t relent as you felt your body overcome with more pleasure than you thought possible. It was as if you were drowning in the way he made you feel, his hands and mouth forcing you to experience something so intense.

As he pulled his fingers from you, you could feel yourself dripping. Kenjaku had made more of a mess of you than you ever could have expected. He sat up slowly, chin glistening with evidence of your first orgasm all over it.

“See? If you tell the doctor what you need, they may be able to fix it for you. Do you feel educated now? Or do I need to have you back for another appointment, just to make sure you’re able to achieve repeat results at home,” Kenjaku’s words were a jumbled mess to you. 

Nodding, you hoped he would be willing to see you again. There was no way you would ever pass up the chance to experience something like this again.

#kenjaku #jjk x reader #kenjaku x reader #jjk smut #kenjaku jjk #kenjaku smut #kinktober #kinktober 2023

[tower-girl-anon]

9th house and your experience through university

In this post will talk about the 9th house through the signs and your experiences, or possible experiences, through university and the all the careers that you could choose since one of the meanings of that house relates to our higher education. As always, I apologize for any mistake and don't copy or share this post without giving proper credit to the owner.

Note: please take this with a grain of salt. There are other things to consider such as planets in the house, aspects, and aspects to the ruler to define with most certainty about your time at university and the possibles career that you will choose to follow. The same can be said about the very general list of careers that I've put in each sign.

Aries: throughout your university years you will face, or faced (depending on the situation), a lot of competition. Maybe you had to study very hard in order to enter to the university of your dreams. Most probably than not, you wanted to enter a career or university that has too many applications each year and that's why you had or have to study really hard in order to get accepted. In a way, you remind me of the indian movie "3 idiots" (I highly recommend you to see it) in which various engineering students have to basically compete to reach the highest score and those who doesn't reach or pass the mark each semester are expelled. On the other hand, maybe you will face a lot of movement, activities or competitions throughout your learning. A few careers or professions that I can think of are engineering, physics, athletism (you could try to compete in a specific sport), gimnastic teacher, firefighter and policeman.

Taurus: your journey through university could be a slow but steady one. Maybe throughout those years you will have to save or earn money, or maybe your family will do it, in order to access the career or university of your choice. Overall, those will take a lot of effort from your part. A lot of study and a lot of work but, unless there are malefic planets in the ninth house or hard aspects to the ruler, I can totally see that those years can be or could have been pretty much a smothly process for you in which you will probably create some stable but caring connections with the those whom you'll consider your friend. A few careers or professions for those who have this sign in that house can be of a sales man/woman, an artist, designer, an economist, a cook or a business person.

Gemini: for those who have this mutable sign as the ruler of your ninth house, let me start telling you that I can totally see you studying more than one subject. Those who have these signs are more prone to earn more than one degree due to the natural curiosity of the sign of different topics (is rulled by Mercury). Usually, since this sign rules communication, the natives will pursue a career that involves these topic. For example, periodism, literature, linguistics or maybe will try to work as a writer, on an editorial or transcripting texts and audios. Your journey through university will be filled with curiosity and you will like to spend time with people who have an inner curiosity of things like you. Maybe you will like meeting new people there because that will be a perfect oportunity to learn about other people too.

Cancer: for those who have this sign, your experience through university will be a very emotional one. You will remember every experience, every joy at recieving good notes or connecting with your friends, every sadness at not passing a test, every anger, every fright, every cry. No matter if you are conscious of it or not, the university period will be very much attached to your emotions, that´s why you will remember almost every second of that period in your life even if times passes. I can totally see someone looking at his/her diploma and crying with emotion while the memories run through his/her mind. In a way, you will like to study/work on anything that makes you emotionally satisfied or something that relates to emotions or children such as psychotherapy, nursery teacher, nurse, cooking, a teacher in general, etc.

Leo: if there are other planets and aspects that support this, your years through university could have been the best years of your life. Maybe those years gave you or will give you the time and space to shine, to show your abilities, knowledge and talents. You could have been very popular at that time or maybe those years will give you a boost in terms of self confidence, chances of meeting new people and forming romantic relationships. On the other hand, maybe you were able to study in one of the most prestigious universities of your country or you will be able to study in those in the future. One of the posibles careers or profession for those who have this sign are acting, politics, fashion, modeling, director, business, maybe you will like to be an entrepreneur or start your own business, etc.

Virgo: those who have this sign mutable sign as the ruler of this house, just like gemini, could have more than one degree or will want to earn more than one. But this sign is slightly different from Gemini even though they are both ruled by Mercury. And that difference reside in the fact that this sign is, most of the time, a perfectionist. It's a very detail oriented sign so that's why those who have this sign wants to learn more. To increase their knowledge in the area they choose to study. To improve demselves. In generall, they will try to study something that involves a lot of memory, details and technique such as medicine, nursing, editing, therapy, psychology, veterinary, etc. Throughout those years, you could have been or will be very strict with your time and hours of studying since most of the careers mentioned about requieres constant learning, technique and goos memory.

Libra: the journey of this individual through university could be a very balanced one. With this, I mean that they will know how to balance the times of studying and socializing when it's needed so they won't fall into the situation of overworking themselves to exhaustion or socializing too much to the point of being so hard for them to keep with their works and test. Since this sign reminds me so much of the Justice card in Tarot, I know that they are smart at putting a balance between fun and work during those years. In matters of possible careers and jobs to study for these individuals there is art due to Venus being the ruler of the sign, law, any career that involves the contact with other people and helping them such as a counselor, advicer, psychologist, etc.

Scorpio: your journey through university will complete change you. In my opinion, those who have this sign in this house will suffer some kind of transformation. It doesn't matter if it is good or bad, you will, somehow, change during the period of your university years. Of course, it also depends on the planets that resides in your ninth house but, just by looking the sign, it speaks of a life-changing and intense period of your life. You may struggle to keep the peace through all the subjects and lectures of your chosen career. Maybe there is a risk of loosing your chosen career due to bad grades or you won't like the path that you choose so you will change careers abruptly. Either way, it won't be easy but these changes can bring a huge potential of evolution and healing. A few careers or professions I see with this sign are a scientist, a healer, a banker, a politician, a terapist, astrologer, tarot reader or detective.

Sagittarius: for those who have the natural sign that rules the ninth house, your time at university could have been or will be pretty much an ejoyable time full of oportunities, grow and expansion. Of course, there is planets and aspects to the ruler to consider before trying to reach this conclusion but, with this sign, it can give you these effects since the planet of Sagittarius is Jupiter, the planet of expansion. Since this is also a mutable sign, you could have done more than one career. On another hand, there is a huge chance that you will travell aboard for your education. Maybe you will study or studied one semester or more in another university. Maybe it was a study exchange or, plainly, you did your hole career in another country. Possibles themes you could seek to learn are teaching, religion, turism, piloting, etc.

Capricorn: in the case of Capricorn as the ruler of the ninth house, you could struggle, or could have struggled, to enter to university because of circumstances. Maybe you don't have the resources. Maybe your culture or religion don't approve your choice. It could be anything. That could be one of the options that could unfold with this sign since his ruler, Saturn, create some karmic situations that seems to limit us or block us. On the other hand, your time at university or your career could be complicated and hard. You are responsable and hard working and yet there is a possibility of struggling with all your works, tests and evaluations. There is also a change of ending your chosen career and pursuing something else if there are other aspects that confirms it. Some possible themes I see you pursuing are ingeniering, medicine, law, bussiness, politics, history, etc.

Aquarius: there is a huge possibility that your chosen career to study is something totally different from what was expected for you. Maybe somebody believed that you were going to study something classic like medicine or law and you chose to follow arts. Or maybe you follow the path that was expected or you really liked to try but, one day, you've realised that you wanted to do something different and so you've changed your career abruptly. Those who have this sign will like to learn more about human kind, technology, any career that involves helping communities or something thats original and unique. Possibles examples are technician, influencer in social media, astronaut or investigator, actor/actress, director or worker of an humanitarian organization, etc.

Pisces: the foginess, mysterious and sometimes confusing energy of this sign can tell me that those individuals who have this in the ninth house struggles to find a topic or theme to study in the university. Or maybe they have a certain picture of themselves in the future with things they want to achieve but they don't know which path, career and university to chose in order to achieve their dreams. This confussion or uncertainty can make you to switch careers during your years at universuty. Maybe even more than one. On the other hand, maybe you have an inner interest in learning about the mysterious side of nature, the universe and life, that's why one of the many possibles careers or themes for you to study are alchemy, cience (especcially quimic), tarotism, astrology, etc.

This is all I have for you. I hope it resonates.

Love and light.

Tower Girl Anon.

#astro observations #astro notes #astrology #astrology observations #astrology placements #astro placements #zodiac signs #zodiac #9th house #ninth house #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #university #career #study

[askvectorprime]

Hi vector prime! I have a question which I’ve been dying to know, how do transformers age? I’m asking this because some transformers look like old men, for example, revenge of the fallen jetfire has a cane and a beard and alpha trion also has a beard and some transformers look like kids too, for example, wheelie and those kids that were shown on the planet that unicron gobbled up. I hope there is an answer to this transformers age thing, thanks vector.

Dear Mature Matcher,

Well, I like to think I've aged gracefully, ha!

In truth, you ask a good question, though I think your lived experience as a human has colored your perspective. We do not age as humans do, but our bodies are still subject to wear and tear. Our fuel lines erode and leak, our gears grind and slip, our belts become brittle, our joints seize. We discolor, our paint scratches off, decals peel free, chrome flakes away. Stress marks line our faces and hinges. We rust. Our minds are prone to different kinds of degeneration, as newer memories overwrite older ones, or as unhealthy feedback loops develop into rampancy. But few of these processes are fatal, and fewer still are irreversible, so long as we take the occasional tune-up to replace parts as they fail.

The physical traits you observe aren't directly tied to the process of aging. With the usual caveat that not all Transformers are the same, even within the a single universe… it tends to be that, once we are protoformed or built, the only time our bodies naturally change is when we take on a new form. Now, you may not realize this, as we still must appear very alien to you—but on Earth, this might involve changing our appearance in robot form, too, mimicking physical traits that we identify with, the better to be understood by your kind; this is sometimes called "humanizer" technology. Don't be too quick to judge based on appearance, though, as sometimes what you perceive as a mustache might simply be a coincidental arrangement of kibble!

Otherwise, our bodies only change in the course of upgrades. After choosing our first alt-form, we may undergo procedures to bring us up to "full size", speaking either culturally or biologically. There are universes where our sparks grow continuously through our lifetimes, demanding periodic upgrades to match, with the bodies of the biggest and oldest Transformers practically being extensions of the planet—but those are extreme cases, and it's usually not a necessity. You mention Wheelie, who had something of an arrested development while marooned on Quintessa, and although there exist divergent timelines where he did get a larger body, he's usually comfortable with his stature; many Transformers take pride in being "Minibots" and may even make the conscious decision to downsize.

In the modern age, there is certainly an association between youth and a diminutive frame, as Micromasters, Mini-Cons and Protoformers join our society. The fact is that Transformers nowadays are smaller than they used to be, because fuel is more scarce. There have been many such paradigm shifts in the construction of Transformers: generations are usually demarcated by broad design trends, major technological advancements, and shared aesthetic sensibilities. When it comes to these fashions, there are some classics that anyone can recognise—facial adornments, oversized chins, and non-visible olfactory sensors are all characteristic of different points in history, and give a clue for how old we might be. You know, the oldest Transformers predate the introduction of the ball-and-socket joints which are so ubiquitous in Earth life; I myself have not one in my body!

The multiverse being as strange and wondrous as it is, there are plenty more esoteric reasons behind these physical changes. Famously, the Matrix of Leadership is known to induce a metamorphosis in its bearers to better accommodate the collective wisdom of Primes past. Exotic kinds of Energon have been known to possess transformative properties. For reasons yet unknown to my Transtech friends, exposure to negative-polarity particles correlates strongly with facial structures resembling human goatees.

Some believe that we once lived mortal lives, aging as most other species throughout the galaxy do, only for that mortality to have been taken from us in our race's infancy—through the interference of Quintessons, or the defeat of Mortilus, spoken of in myth as death incarnate.

#ask vector prime #transformers #maccadam #information creep #protoforms #wheelie #quintessa #minibots #micromasters #mini-cons #protoformers #matrix of leadership #energon #quintessons #mortilus #generation 1 cartoon #transformers animated #aligned continuity #idw transformers

[trans-axolotl]

hi! can i ask you to elaborate on the right to decline psych meds? asking as someone with severe bipolar that really negatively impacts my life but also as someone who does not want to take meds, both for personal and political reasons, and feels self conscious about that. i would love more perspectives on it tho if you have the time and energy! if not no worries of course, take care <3

hey anon! So i'm going to give like five disclaimers before getting into it because I have seen the way tumblr misinterprets my posts before lmao. I feel comfortable sharing my own experiences, but I am only one bipolar person and don't want people to generalize what I'm saying as applicable to what decisions they should make about their meds. there's a lot of factors that go into deciding to take or not take meds and I can't give advice like that over the internet. i'm also not an expert on psych meds and can't give medical advice.

with all of that out of the way, I want to talk a little bit about why I currently refuse to take meds. i fundamentally believe that everyone has the right to choose the way they want to experience the world, and always has the right to choose what we put in our bodies. for me, I see my bipolar as less of a transient state and more as a neurotype. experiencing life through cycles and in extremes is something that is meaningful to me. I don't love every aspect of being bipolar, but I can't imagine myself without it because it affects every part of the way I perceive and interact with the world. there's a lot of value that going through mood cycles brings to my life in the way that i understand the world and process events, and i like having times where I have endless energy and can be social and make big decisions and work on projects, and I like having times where I can feel emotions and be contemplative and feel in touch with sadness and be able to take a moment to slow down. there are also some things I fucking hate about bipolar, like the way I feel during a manic episode when I'm too restless and it's like there's bugs in my skin, psychosis making me fucking terrified in a way that's hard to cope with, reckless decisions interfering with relationships, or how sometimes when I'm in a depressive episode I can't get up out of bed, am so numb that I can't support people in my life, and get suicidal. but for me, my experience with bipolar is a lot more complex and I don't wish to experience life without bipolar. the way that most medications have interacted with me has taken away all the parts of myself that I recognize, and i have been made to feel like being bipolar was the "problem."

my experience with psych meds has mostly been in situations where I was forcibly drugged in the psych ward, which brought a hell of a lot of trauma with it. the main reason I don't take medication is because that experience traumatized me to the point where I now often have paranoid delusions about medication, so I can't consistently stay on daily medication. even though i often have insight and I am usually pretty aware of my delusions, they happen frequently enough that trying to get me to stay on meds for more than a couple weeks would be a losing battle, and I'm not interested in going through withdrawal symptoms every few weeks.

beyond that, I don't go on psych meds right now because the medications I have tried numbed me out and made me so low energy that I could barely function in my daily life or socialize or do anything that was important to me. it stabilized my moods, but left me feeling nothing instead. there were also some physical side effects that i really disliked, and altogether, that wasn't worth it for me. i wanted to be able to choose the way of experiencing the world that felt the most authentic and also the most manageable. for me, the tradeoff of having stable moods was not worth it for everything I lost from having access to my emotions and ability to experience those highs and lows. i have enough coping skills and enough of a support system that dealing with the shitty parts of bipolar without meds is a reality for me. and the way I see it, no matter who I am or what diagnosis I have or what meds I'm on, there are going to be shitty days, and it's okay if my shitty days are on a different scale and don't look like the shitty days of someone who doesn't have bipolar. i'm open to medication in the future, especially when i get to a stage in my life when I'm having kids, because I think my priorities around stability and mood cycles might change. but for now, i feel very comfortable not trying out medication and just experiencing my mood cycles the way they are.

i think that medications are very helpful for some people, but my perspective on psychiatry is that the decisions should always be in our hands to decide what our actual priorities are. psychiatry operates by saying that everyone with bipolar's goal must be having stable moods and no symptoms. there's a million different ways to be bipolar and experience our symptoms. some bipolar people might think that physical side effects are a perfectly fine trade off for not having to deal with manic episodes. some bipolar people might feel particularly strongly about wanting medication to help with their depressive episodes, but not care about the rest. some bipolar people might take meds as needed, but not long term. there's a million different ways that we can experience the same diagnosis, and i believe that treatment needs to have space for all of these experiences, and respect our autonomy in choosing what our individual priorities are. I think there also needs to be a lot more awareness and understanding about the actual efficacy of medications. medications are going to work differently for every individual, and there is not one magic medication regime that can be backed up with evidence to show that it actually always reduces symptoms. mad/mentally ill/ neurodivergent people deserve a lot more honesty from our providers about the parts of medication management that truly is trial and error, instead of being made to feel like we're a failure because medications don't provide instant freedom from all of our distress.

there are lots of reasons that people might not want to be on meds and I unequivocally support anyone's right to make their own decision about medication, regardless of their psych's opinions on it. whether people don't want to take meds because of trauma, because they don't trust doctors, because they don't like the physical side effects, because they don't like feeling numb, because they don't agree with the idea that certain symptoms are harmful, because they're tired of trying out new medications, because they don't want to take meds that prevent them from drinking alcohol, because they can't pay for them, because they won't regularly remember to take them, because they only want to be on some types of meds and not others, or for literally any reason, people always should have the final say on what goes into our body.

if other people want to add on their perspective on medication, please feel free! I am only one person and I don't think my way of thinking about medication is the only way, and that there is room for a lot of experiences. I'm also going to link the Harm reduction guide to psychiatric drugs, and strongly recommend that people don't make changes to their medication habits without educating yourself on the risks, your own personal vulnerabilities, and what steps you can take to make it safer.

#antipsych #antipsychiatry #medication #ask to tag #don't know if this needs a psych abuse trigger tag #ok to reblog #bipolar #disability studies #i always get a little nervous talking about meds online bc i know i have no control #how people interpet this #but i think its important to talk about !

[alectoperdita]

do you still find posting your fics on social media stressful/anxious? ive been feeling this way for quite some time as an artist so i was wondering about your input as someone who wrote fics for a long time.

Yep. I still 1000% do. Whether it's posting the fic itself or on social media, I still feel anxious afterward. It's difficult to share something you may have spent a lot of time and love on, and wanting some validation of your effort is only human. So it can feel crushing if one of our fears is that people won't like it.

It can feel like rejection, even if only temporarily when your posting sits at 0 notes for the first hours. But once it's posted, it's out of our control. People will either see it or they won't. They'll either like it or they won't. They'll either comment on it or they won't. It can still be a tough pill to swallow.

Honestly, it's been getting harder the last year or so. Sometimes I think I should just not bother posting the link to tumblr. It's not like fics in general get all that much "engagement" on this platform.

As a result, I've had to strictly curate my social media experience. I've turned off all tumblr notifications. Because when that was turned on, I definitely knew that there was no activity on a given post because the app wasn't notifying me. Now it's just an unknown until the next time I check tumblr. Maybe there's some nice notes or tags when I do, but probably not.

It'll be what it'll be. My personal feelings not withstanding.

Another coping method of mine is to post during the work day. For me, the stressful feelings are most pronounced during the first day of sharing anything. That's the prime time for the self-doubt to creep in ("this is clunky, I should've edited more" or "this is not as interesting as I conceived"). Posting during the work day keeps me from ruminating and checking social media/my email. I distract myself with work. Then after work, I choose to do things that take me away from my computer or email for the rest of the night. I cook and play video games while listening to podcasts, or take that time to catch up on my dramas.

It gets easier the next day. Usually. Usually I ruminate less than I did the day before.

So in summary, I make a conscious effort to disconnect from social media and its mechanics of instant feedback/gratification. It works better sometimes than others. I still get in loops where I will jump into tumblr and refresh my activity tab.

Those are what work for me personally, though. I don't presume they would help you or even most people. Like I can imagine my methods sound like hell to someone with ADHD or extreme executive dysfunction.

Sorry this was rambly and personal. I don't want to offer advice without knowing your exact struggles. Making stuff isn't easy, and sharing the stuff can be just as hard or harder than the making. So I want to offer you all my sympathies and hugs.

If anyone else has figured out the secret of being chill about this shit, please share. But I suspect that'd require a major personality shift on my part. 😂

#replies #anonymous

[parragone]

Fuck it, I can't decide what to write for nanowrino so I'm taking the decision out if my hands. This is a poll to help me decide which of these concepts to commit to; if you like, you can vote based on vibes, but there's gonna be a synopsis/explanation of each under the cut.

Scarlet Signs - Sci fi rough draft of chaos nonsense

I don't have names for the space species, yet, so just be forgiving okay

In essence, humanity joins the Galactic Assembly, and the pacifist psychic space vampires are one of their only outright allies. The unicorns have never liked the vampires because the vampires practice isolationism, pacifism, and don't like to share their research or their military support. Not to mention, the vampires are, you know, vampires that consume thought and concepts in order to sustain themselves. Unicorns feed on blood, but that's fine since obviously they only feed on non sentient beings, and the vampires have to feed on conscious thought. Humans come under the protections of the vampires, unicorns, start shit, and unicorns find out that the vampires are pacifist for everyone else's sake rather than their own.

Expressways - zombie post apoc, but like, a long time since the fall and zombies are just a thing the same way stray/outdoor cats are a thing

Every child from coast to coast knows the story; in the aftermath of plague, infighting, and the emergence of the Pests, the old Pony Express was reinstated to handle package and letter delivery so as to spare the use of fuel and keep the continent as intact as possible. It's not an easy job, but every courier is provided for and deeply respected by those they deliver for. Fewer people sign up to learn the routes each year, but even one courier is better than none.

Jethro, Maverick, and Harper have been couriers for nearly thirty years each. When they stop in for their latest deliveries, a pair of fresh faces are handed off to them to learn their first routes. Colt and Montana learn how to deal with each other, why no courier travels alone, and how to best avoid a Pest nest.

Halls of Hexes - magic academy where magic is taught and students don't usually die.

Mostly fixated on the teachers of the school as they try to handle an encroaching eldritch horror that really shouldn't be there. Magic beyond minor levitation or very simple enchantments is cast using a focus that's personalized to each individual. Magical creatures such as fairies, elves, angels, demons, centaurs, etc. are treated as citizens of the magical world, and several classes have magical creature teachers. Magic is just a normal part of life and while some choose to pursue it, most people just go about normal lives by choice.

Skyreach Academy has maintained a position of academic prestige on the global stage for generations, with particular pride regarding their extensive programs on Vile and Etheric magics. This position is upheld by excellent staff, along with the small town of Elkmarrow, which provides support for the students and faculty within the academy.

Magic, however, can draw in strange and unwelcome visitors. Practiced and versed magicians know that all magic runs the risk, so when no one in the school can find their reflections in mirrors or puddles, the best among them set to work. The safety of the students, of course, remains of the utmost importance - even if the students seem to delight in the fact the professors are now the ones missing class.

Frontiers and Faultlines - steampunk post apocalypse fun times

Most of the world was decimated save for a handful of cities who managed to build walls, domes, and foundations strong enough to withstand the massive natural disaster which raged beyond their borders. Communication was mainly maintained through rail lines.

Story focuses on Vasev, Absalom, Malory "Mal", and Cantrelle. Absalom and Vasev are scientists, Mal is a bounty hunter, and Cantrelle is an assassin for hire. Vasev and Absalom are trying to get the trains working again after a horrific accident ( read: targeted attack ) mangled the machines. Mal and later Centrelle are handling the rough and tumble "get rid of the ones responsible" side of things.

#nanowrimo #parramblings #screaming incoherently #im indecisive and this might not help but #oh well #if it doesnt it doesnt

[sophieinwonderland]

A Game/Exercise In Developing Non-Vocal Tulpas: Dichotomy

Most new tulpas fall into one of two categories. I'm going to call these Sims and Seeds. A Sim would be your fictives and factives. These are based on advanced mental simulations of specific characters or people who gradually became conscious. Often, these will be daydream characters or imaginary friends who might start off being parroted and puppeted, but eventually gain sentience. All the tulpas in our system fall under this category.

The second category are Seeds. These are tulpas that are grown from scratch, starting with very little if anything to build up from. They may or may not be given a form, and may have some general traits the creator wants to imbue, but nothing else. These tend to take longer to create since they lack the foundation of the false autobiographical memories of the sims, but this avoids existential crises associated with source material and gives the tulpa more freedom to decide their own personality.

For people who find creating tulpas this way difficult due to the lack of foundation, I would like to propose a way to potentially build that foundation quickly. This is, admittedly, entirely theoretical and hasn't been tested, so exercise caution if trying it out.

Essentially, the most common method for creating Seed tulpas is narration. Talk to your tulpa, and then listen to hear or feel a response in your head. And this seems to still be the most effective method. But talking doesn't guarantee that they're being given the processing power to actually listen. To help with this problem, I propose a game. I call it Dichotomy.

How to Play Dichotomy:

What you're going to do is ask your tulpa questions that will prompt a response. Each question should have only two possible answers. These can be "yes or no" questions, a choice of preference between different things, or even a "would you rather..."

The best way to do this might be to make a list in advance of about 20-or-so questions, find a secluded place, imagine your tulpa across from you, and ask these questions out loud.

Then just relax for about 5 seconds, and listen for an answer.

Responses may come in a variety of ways. The most overt would be hearing words in a mind voice or seeing mental images. (Note to non-systems: Tulpas in your head will speak in voice similar to your own inner monologue. We aren't usually heard as full-on auditory hallucinations.)

If after 5 seconds, there isn't an overt answer, simply try to feel what their choice is. Consider the options and which one feels right for the tulpa. Don't overthink it. Then attribute the decision to the tulpa themselves. Both of you share a brain, and this feeling is originating from the brain's subconscious. It makes sense that decisions about your tulpa's preferences would be coming from their part of your brain.

If you get anything wrong, your tulpa can correct once they've gotten better at communication, and no harm will be done.

Examples of questions you could ask:

"Do you like the color pink?"

"Bulldogs or Poodles?"

"Planes or Helicopters?"

"If you could, would you want to go skydiving?"

"Would you rather have a billion dollars or the ability to be immortal as long as you wanted?"

If you get stuck on any questions and neither answer feels right for your tulpa, flip a coin. (Or just use a coin fipping app because who wants to flip a literal coin?) Heads means yes or option A, while tails is no or option B. If you see the result of the flip and it feels right, or you feel nothing, the tulpa accepts the outcome. If you feel a measure of disappointment or opposition to it, or the answer feels wrong in any way, assume that the tulpa has rejected the flip, and choose the opposite.

Keep the questions light and fun, and write down the answers as you go to reinforce the tulpa's memories.

For simplicity, you can just mark an A or B next to each question so you can quickly move on to the next.

In theory, this should allow a prospective tulpamancer to quickly allow a tulpa to lay the groundwork for and elaborate their personality before becoming vocal.

This should still only be part of the process and should not replace narration and other creation methods.

If anyone finds this to be useful, let me know. Again, we have yet to actually test this nor do we plan on adding more headmates to our system any time soon, so feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you for your time! 😁

#tulpa #tulpa creation #tulpamancy #tulpas #parogenic #tulpa system #plural #plurality #endogenic #dichotomy

[casspurrjoybell-17]

Hart and Hunter - Chapter 2 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Dane Hunter

I pull the cell-phone from Julian's grasp as he goes stiff and bring it to my ear.

"Who is this?" I demand.

A whisper answers me.

"You're the detective. You tell me."

So, it's our thief and apparently, he has our number.

No wonder Julian's heart is racing.

"Alright, then. What do you want?"

"I want many things. Only one concerns you. Leave this 'case' as you call it, alone. Do not pursue me again."

I shift the phone from one ear to the other, listening for background noise... some clue to the caller's location... but I hear nothing.

"And if we don't listen?"

The whisperer seems to choose his words with care and when he speaks again, it is with a slow and chilling thoughtfulness.

"You may consider this warning a courtesy... from one bearer of secrets to another. Pursue me at your own risk... if you do, you pursue death."

The line goes dead.

I stare at the 'call ended' message and release a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

"Shit."

"What did he say?" Julian asks and I shake my head.

"He knows who we are. Told us to drop the case 'or else.' "

He frowns.

"He saw me go Unseen but he didn't seem surprised. Maybe he's not human, either."

"Fuck. I wondered, with how we lost him last night. You're faster than me, in human form and it's not easy to shake a Wolf off your tail."

He grimaces.

"I know."

I rub his shoulders in silent apology and he leans into my touch.

"So, what do we do?" he asks and I turn my cell-phone over in my hands and consider.

"We wait," I say.

"We wait to get a call or for him to make his next move."

"Really?" he asks, brows raised hopefully.

"You won't drop it?"

I can't help smiling at his dauntless spirit and clip him playfully under the chin.

"Nah. I don't scare that easy and... for better or worse... neither do you."

I'm slightly relieved, nonetheless, when my phone stays silent.

I check the police blotter but there's no record they've responded to any calls, either.

Maybe we stopped the thief before he struck or maybe whoever's shop he broke into hasn't noticed yet.

The thief leaves so few traces, it wouldn't surprise me.

Meanwhile, we keep ourselves busy preparing for Ingrid's arrival.

Julian had been quick to offer her a place to stay but I know he's a little self-conscious about the size of our house, sometimes.

"There's only one bathroom," he reminds me.

"What if Ingrid wants to take a shower right after one of us has taken a shit?"

"We'll open the window," I say, demonstrating.

"Problem solved. Stop fretting."

"I'm not fretting."

"You're fretting," I repeat, rubbing my thumb over the worry line between his brows.

"She'll love it here just as much as I do. Besides, she grew up the youngest of eight. She's used to sharing things."

The following morning, we head for the airport to pick her up.

It's over an hour's drive and we spend it discussing our caseload.

The 'thief' isn't the only thing on our plates.

Most of the cases we take are simple and easily solved, missing pets, lost or stolen goods and various 'mysteries' that seem to defy conventional explanations, hauntings, cryptid sightings, strange phenomena... that sort of thing.

Julian enjoys those more than I do.

I like helping people with things that mean something but that the usual authorities typically can't be bothered to help with.

At the airport, Ingrid texts me to meet her at Baggage Claim.

The airport is small but busy, being the only large airport in this part of the state.

There's a crowd around the black conveyor belts spewing rows of luggage from a portal in the wall and I scan it for my sister but don't see her anywhere.

"Is there more than one baggage claim area?" Julian asks, consulting a confusingly unmarked map on the wall.

"No, this is it," I say.

"I think..."

My only warning is my sister's shrill battle cry of 'Big brother Dane' before she attacks from behind, leaping onto my back and wrapping me in a tangle of arms and legs.

Lucky for her, the muscle I pulled is fully healed and I have good reflexes.

I reach behind me, grab her, swing her around and set her on her feet in front of me before giving her a hug that makes her squeak.

"Hey, little sister," I say, laughing.

"Still up to no good, huh? How was the flight?"

She grins up at me, cute nose wrinkled and gap-toothed grin spread wide.

Dressed in blue overalls and a white crop top, she's got a halo of springy curls, golden brown skin and liquid amber eye, pretty... in an 'adorable little sister' kind of way.

"Not bad," she says.

"I got a window seat."

She wriggles from my grasp and turns to Julian, who hangs back a bit, still a little unsure of himself when meeting my family.

"Julie," she shrieks, bouncing towards him and snatching him in a spine-crushing embrace.

"How's my favorite Faerie?"

He's only met Ingrid in person once but Wolves make friends fast.

"You know how that sounds, right?" he laughs and she giggles.

"Am I wrong, though?"

He rolls his eyes but smiles and squeaks as she squeezes him again.

"This is gonna be so much 'fun'," she squeals.

"I can't 'wait' to see Spring Lakes... you guys have to show me everything... and Dane says it's a great place to Run. I haven't been outside as a Wolf in months... I have to shift in my room in the city and 'Oh My Goddess' there was this one time I forgot to lock the door and my roommate came home and..."

"Ingrid."

I put a hint of Alpha in my voice... just enough to stop my sister's run-on sentences... and shake my head.

This might seem like the sticks compared to her music school in New York but we still don't talk about Wolf matters in public... especially in the middle of a crowd.

Her grin fades momentarily as she catches on to her faux pas, then returns to full brightness as she spots something behind me.

"Oh. Here comes Charlie," she exclaims, clapping her hands.

"You guys are gonna love him. I hope there's room in your car."

As she darts off along the line of luggage, Julian and I share a look and I can tell we're thinking the same thing.

'Who the fuck is Charlie?'

Steeling myself for a host of possibilities, I trail after my sister along the luggage-laden conveyor belt.

Ingrid is congenially friendly, like the typical hyperactive puppy and 'Charlie' could be anyone from airport security to a boyfriend she forgot to mention she was bringing along.

I'm both confounded and relieved when, instead of a person, she fixates on a large black case on the belt, grabs it, lays it on the ground and unzips it to reveal a cello carefully packed in a casing of foam.

"Hey, buddy," she croons, stroking the polished dark wood.

"They treat you okay? Not too rough, this time?"

"That's Charlie?" Julian asks, laughing with obvious relief.

She twists and grins up at him.

"It's a musician thing."

"I remember that now," I say, as she finishes her inspection and zips the case shut, slinging it over her shoulder as she stands.

"What happened to.... uh 'Wanda' wasn't it?"

She shrugs as she pulls two extra-large rolling suitcases off the belt.

Each looks like it weighs at least fifty pounds but being a Wolf, Ingrid is stronger than she appears.

"Wanda was a great study instrument but I outgrew her. Charlie's on loan from the Conservatory. He's got an amazing voice," she giggles, "And damn, can I make that boy sing."

Julian shoots me a wink, probably sensing how intensely glad I am that Charlie is, indeed, not a person.

I take one of the wheeled cases, Julian takes the other and Ingrid carries the cello on her back as we make our way through the crowd and towards the exits.

"I can't wait to hear it," Julian says warmly.

"From what Dane tells me, the New York Philharmonic would be lucky to have you."

She blushes and gives me a pretend glare.

"That's just big brother talk. I think Spring Lakes is more my speed."

"Really?" I ask.

"I thought you loved the bright lights and big city."

"I do but I think I'm ready for a change," she says.

"When I saw the orchestra here had an opening, I jumped at the chance to spend time with my big brother."

"Oh, so that's how it is," I say, nodding.

"And here I thought you just wanted the free room and board."

She grins.

"Well, there's that, too. But seriously, Dane, I feel like I've seen you twice in the last two years. It's hard being away from Pack."

"Don't I know it," I agree.

"And I'm glad to have you here, too."

[emcscared-whumps]

Questions divisible by 5 for the wip thing? 👀

From this post!

Oh man, testing my math skills I see ;) *cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing!

05 - How long have you been working on your WIP?

I first created Pete in May of 2017 for a group roleplay, and I started building his backstory almost immediately. I have been continuously working on it in tiny crumbs over those years-- through the latter half of highschool, and through my shitty first job.

In years, that is almost 6 :)

10 - Share a song that makes you think of your WIP

I have a few songs that make me think of specific characters an arcs.

Dawn by Echo Black and Danny Blu (YouTube) makes me think of Pete's relationship with Ewrancore, the world in which Shifting Phases is set

Struck by the Rain (Rythm Heaven) (YouTube) makes me think of Timmy and Pete pining for each other even though the song itself is about heartbreak ^-^' It's full of vibes though, and the pining vibes are sad, so it's a fit ^-^ (which has a happy ending instead of the sad one in the lyrics). I copy pasted the lyrics into my notes document, and coloured the lyrics so it's a duet :3 maybe one day when I learn, I'll make an animatic :)

This Spotify playlist encompasses both canon Shifting Phases, and the AU Eclipse Descending, as well as various other lore specific and character specific tidbits.

15 - A little bit about your antagonist?

Hmm... What haven't I already said about Johnstone... Well, he has goals and convictions, and an iffy set of morals. A lot of his colleagues are unsure whether he hunts demons/belunae for the good of humanity, or for his own sadistic pleasure.

Johnstone is also a sore loser, and will stop at nothing to get what he wants when he wants.

He makes a pretty dangerous villain, though I'm not sure how compelling he is. That's okay, we have Kate for a compelling antagonist so I don't really care :)

(I do, however, enjoy the effects Johnstone has on all the other characters).

If you want to read more about him, he has a profile here!

20 - Share a song that makes you think of your antagonist

I think I've had a similar ask in the past, but there are a rare few songs that evoke character vibes at all, and Johnstone is rarely at the forefront of my mind, or even Kate, especially when I'm listening to music, which is usually when I'm driving. The easiest background thoughts to maintain while focused on the road are Pete thoughts, so, I have a few for him, and not many for Johnstone.

If there was one that I would choose, it would be Be Prepared (The Lion King) (YouTube link, clip of the scene) because Johnstone has a lot of ambition, a small group of people he's in charge of, and a hunger for power even at his hunters' expenses.

25 - Easiest character to write?

It's 100% Pete.

He's my fav, I love him, my favourite kind of whumpee who suffers my favourite whump... Because I love him so much and am completely obsessed by him, he is incredibly easy for me to write. The only tricky part is his accent mixing with his stutter, but really, it's not too hard to write, just time consuming because I have to do so many flow checks lol

30 - Do any of the names in your WIP have significance?

Yes actually, but only really one. When I first started making the characters for Shifting Phases back in 2017, I didn't really care about name meanings, and I used a fairly generic name generator because I just didn't know what else was available. Found some cute, simple names, but ultimately, nothing with much significance.

However, I only recently decided on Johnstone's first name recently, I think within the past two years, and I was more conscious of eanings relating to backstory. So, Johnstone's first name Sorrel does have a meaning. It means "redish brown hair."

Johnstone does not have reddish brown hair. But do you know who does?

Pete.

A fun fact about Johnstone was that his mother was a clairvoyant belunae. Whether she knew or told her partner, Sorrel's father, is not something I know yet, but I'd say it was unlikely.

Her abilities weren't particularly strong, so she often dreamed true rather than having waking visions. One night, while carrying her child, she had a true dream about a young man with reddish brown hair being very important to her unborn child, she could tell in the dream that her son was going to great lengths to bring him back into his life.

Unfortunately, a lot of the context didn't filter through because her ability was fairly weak, but she decided to name her son Sorrel for the man with reddish brown hair in his future. She thought it was kind of romantic and beautiful...

Seeing the way he grew up, arrogant and cruel, I wonder what she came to think of her vision... :) I wonder if she had subsequent, distressing visions

35 - What are some of the themes of your WIP?

Whump. Whump is the whole theme XDD

On a deeper level than that, a theme which also encompasses where a fair few of the character arcs end up is trust, friendship, acceptance, and love (platonic and familial).

#oohhhh now there's a fun thought... incorporate trust into part 5 #a trust fall if you will #emc's shit #emc answers asks #ask #answered ask #ask game #Shifting Phases #Sorrel Johnstone #Pete Spencer #whumpblr #writeblr

[manifestingsage]

If I were asked what the most important element to successful manifesting is, I would say start your day with a morning manifestation ritual. When you start your day with a manifestation ritual, you are then starting your day with purpose and choosing how you want to experience your life. If you don't start your day with intent, then by default you'll get drawn into everything that's going on externally. You'll just get pulled along in the stream of life. A manifesting ritual is something I do every morning as it sets me up with positive energy to have a wonderful day. …plus it helps me to create the things I want in my life. And when I focus on the things I'm wanting to manifest. I usually manifest those things. What I'm about to share with you is the EXACT routine I do each day that keeps me focused on feeling good and manifesting the desires I genuinely want. I feel so blessed each day, and that's because I choose to feel blessed and start my day off so positive. If you want to manifest incredible things into your life, then you need to make a conscious effort to do the steps that are required to get into alignment with what it is you desire. The Morning Manifesting Ritual That Will Change Your Life. For this to work, you need to make sure you keep your mind away from any influences that will distract you. I recommend when you awake, you get up straight away and don't press the snooze button. …if you do press snooze and go back to sleep, you will feel more groggy when you do eventually get up. Next, You should have one glass of water to hydrate quickly before doing the manifesting ritual. Lastly and this is super important. Do not look at your phone (expect to listen to meditation music). That means no social media. No email checking. No checking the news. Nothing. Also, don't watch any TV or listen to the radio either. If you do, your mind will get drawn into stuff that you don't need to be thinking about right away. Following those simple rules before you start your manifesting ritual will ensure you are starting with your best foot forward. So let's start with the first step. Quiet That Mind – 10-20 Mins Meditation The “M” word that so many people struggle with. Honestly, I love meditating. If you don't meditate, you should 100% start doing it. I remember when I first started, I got up before my family to do it secretly before they got up. I don't know why, but I felt embarrassed telling people I did it. Now it's like…” hey Harriet, I'm just going to the other room to meditate for 20mins.” No embarrassment whatsoever. I love meditating now, and I wouldn't start any day without relaxing my mind through meditation. So the first part of the morning manifesting ritual is get up and meditate for 20mins. If you're starting out, you might start with just 10mins and build your way up over time. That's what I did. Here's a good guided meditation for beginners to get your feet wet with. [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzV6J4WCwRM[/embed] Next, after meditating, it's time to practice gratitude. And let me tell you, gratitude is powerful, it really is. The benefits of gratitude have even been documented by science. So here's what to do. Count Your Blessings This is a simple gratitude exercise. To do this, stay where you're seated.  Doing this exercise will elevate your emotions. Or in other words, “raise your vibration.” This doesn't need to take long. …just enough to feel a positive change in how you feel. Just pick three to five things you can be grateful for. And it doesn't have to be massive things. You could feel grateful for the kind person who opened a door for you yesterday. Or the warm sunshine you felt as you sat in your garden over the weekend. Or a meaningful conversation you had with a good friend recently. Spend about a minute on each one and fully embrace those good feelings. After doing this simple gratitude exercise, you should be feeling good and primed for the next step.

See The Life You Will Live Now you are feeling uplifted from the gratitude exercise, you should now spend some time to visualize your desires while you feel good. Keep your goals near you in case you need to have a quick review of what you want to be, do, or achieve in your life. Now spend a few minutes mentally experiencing a small scene which illustrates in your mind the outcome as already achieved. Aim to feel as good as you can when doing this, as strong emotion will help you manifest much quicker. If you struggle to get good feeling emotions when visualizing, then it's probably because unconsciously your mind doesn't believe that you can do, be or achieve the thing you want. Visualizing Tip. A good trick that helps bypass any...   Click here to read this complete article. Disclaimer : This article is originally published in SubconsciousServant.com. All the rights of content are owned by SubconsciousServant.com. We have published a part of the article with due credits and link to the original author and source.

[astro-pioneer]

"I promise it's warmer in my arms!" 『Childe』

Snezhnaya's climate was never anything to scoff at. Tartaglia knew that due to him living their his whole life, getting used to it until staying warm became second nature while in his homeland. You, however, were not. Good thing he's a man of his word, right? | Gn!Reader and second person | Spoiler of Childe's real name and bits of lore | Part of @starglitterz 's 2.5k milestone event :D (it's vvvv late I'm so sorry about that)

The white particles dropped from the clouds elegantly. It was your third day in Morepesok with Ajax to visit his family, but the view of the glittering snow from the window was always a gorgeous sight to see in the morning. The ginger was in front of you now, fixing your scarf to be tucked into your jacket as your head was turned to the window in his room. The two of you woke up earlier than usual; something about going to the main city for the day.

"Come on now, little sun, don't fall asleep on me now!" Your drooping eyes snapped to him at the slight pain erupting from your cheeks. His grin was cheeky as he returned to fixing your outerwear. "Stay awake for me, at least until we get to the train? You'll have plenty time to take a nap on our way to the city."

Your hum was a good enough reply to him. In all honesty, Ajax wasn't expecting any answers that required words from you. The time was barely pushing 3:45 in the morning, after all. You were practically still asleep despite his request. That's fine though; the snow hitting and melting on your warmed skin will most likely shock you to be conscious enough to support yourself until the two of you get to the station.

You were able to, thankfully. The seats were comfortable and the car where the two of you chose was warm. It was a welcoming contrast from the below zero temperature outside. Ajax took the aisle seat after you awkwardly shuffled in, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to share his warmth as you shifted to get more comfortable. "You sure you don't want to lay on me? I promise it's warmer in my arms!"

You lightly slapped his chest with a huff before shifting more to get closer and get more heat. His laugh was nice to hear but not at the expense of you getting embarrassed. "As much as I like the sound of that, I'm not about to drape myself onto you in public." The ginger simply squeezed you before you drifted off once again.

He vowed to himself that this day will be perfect. He got time off from his job, so no Fatui will bother you two. The two unsuspecting buffoons who think they can make some quick Mora when the car gets to the station, too; he'll make sure of that before the city even comes into view. No violence would be involved, but threats weren't put in that category in his mind.

Ajax woke you up with about a minute left on the ride, purposefully hiding your view of the two shaking wannabe thieves. That gave you more than enough time to wake up and look at the upcoming city out the window. Multiple stalls were put up in the central area, all of different sizes and colours. "It looks exciting right? I've been waiting for it to be this before inviting you."

Your boyfriend's dedication for you to have a pleasant time learning about his culture was adorable to witness. He led you to all the different stalls, excitedly chatting about the history of items when he knew it and always had a small smile when you asked with interest. The best activity was the concert and firework display.

"See? I promised you my arms were warmer," he muttered just loud enough for you to hear over the music as the two of you watched the dancers in the center. "Always consider me the first option for warmth, okay? Unless a fireplace is there too, then we'll both choose that." He held you a little tighter the rest of the night all the way back to his family house.

#💞 ; lovely ! #childe my beloved #✎ expedition #✩ neptune #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #childe x reader

[yoonpobs]

cold | pjm

pairing: park jimin x oc

genre: fluff, slight tsundere jimin, just cuteness tbh

words: 3, 339

summary: where jimin is ice cold but he wants you to warm him up (not in the way you think)

When Jimin pulls away for the first time in a year since you’ve met him during your movie nights, you suspect that something’s up. But, you also know Jimin—he would have said something to you if there was.

You raise an eyebrow at him, “You good?”

Jimin sighs at you, frustrated and you can’t help but feel confused at the sudden shift of atmosphere. You thought picking La La Land was a good choice, but you suppose that since Jimin was a little emotionally constipated he didn’t like it as much.

“I’m not, actually.” He declares, tugging off the blanket that covered both of your lower halves and withdrew from the warmth that settled into the couch.

“Do you—” You contemplate on asking because being Jimin’s friend meant respecting certain boundaries, and you weren't intending to be that friend that stuck their nose in his business.

You choose to remain silent and purse your lips and settle back into the couch, though it felt a little empty without Jimin bunched up next to you. But he was an enigma of unopened thoughts, and the time you spent navigating the course of your friendship in the first few months was ... heavy.

He’d never tell you anything, let alone allow you to indulge in the greatness that was his mind. You’d always hear from Namjoon how much he looks up to and respects Jimin’s way of thinking and mindset, but you rarely get to see that part of him. Sometimes, you felt more of a seat-warmer than a friend. You appreciate him, nonetheless.

“Aren’t you going to ask me about it?” He pries you.

You shrug, covering yourself with the blanket in hopes that it masks your vulnerability and insecurity, too.

“I know you.” You tell him, “You don’t like being questioned unless you say something about it first.”

He purses his lips in a straight line and looks at you ... like he really looks at you. So much that you feel his eyes burning into the side of your head; as if he was attempting to unravel your mind and dig into its deepest depths to understand its content.

“I don’t …” He says after looking at you, head-turning to face the television. Was La La Land seriously still relevant now?

“But I’m asking you to ask me.” He says, and the look of surprise on your face doesn’t disappoint. You gaped at him, forgetting the fact that Ryan Gosling looked really handsome on the screen—because Jimin had just prompted you to ask him about his … feelings.

“I—I don’t understand …” You say, dumbly. He rolls his eyes at you, and you’re familiar with his expression because it’s the one he usually has when he wants to call you an idiot.

“Ask me how I feel.”

You open your mouth, then close it. Your words fail you because the entire situation was sprung onto you so unexpectedly, and you suddenly feel self-conscious about everything. Was this Jimin’s way of assessing you as a friend and throwing you to the curb after a year of being platonically involved with one another?

As if he could hear the millions of thoughts running in your head, he turns to you and grabs your cheeks in between his large palms, and this time you actually short-circuit.

Your intimacy with Jimin stopped at sitting next to each other during movie nights and embracing the warmth that your bodies radiated. Maybe even the occasional accidental brush of fingers when he hands you something, but besides that—Jimin was conservative with his touches.

You can’t lie and say that your heart doesn’t react differently, because for the most part of your friendship you’ve suppressed any romantic feelings that you had or could have had for Jimin. Mostly out of self-preservation because Jimin was just … Jimin.

Cold, aloof but still someone that cared deeply. Yes, he was emotionally constipated when it came to his own feelings, and yes —his gaze more often than not had you cowering in fear. But he never made you feel uncomfortable. Even in the silences, you spent with one another you felt safe. Home.

Not to mention, his entire brooding and stoic persona hit it really well with the women on campus—and the fact he was obscenely attractive. He and you were the types of people that remained just as friends. And suddenly, that could end tonight, too.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He hums, eyes chasing your own but you divert your attention away from him because your eyes tell.

You shake your head, “I’m just confused.”

And confused you were because this was a territory that was unheard of for you—much less for Jimin. If only you could telepathically speak to Namjoon right now because you had no idea what to do or say.

“Well, I’ll keep it simple for you,” He says, “ Ask me how I feel.”

He doesn’t ask you anymore, instead, he insists—as if there was a preconceived answer for you already in the back of his head. Maybe this was how he softened the blow.

“No.” You push him away, flustered. “I won’t let you friend break up with me like this!”

He raises an eyebrow at the sudden rise of voice you admitted, “I like being your friend even if you don’t—and—and I know that yeah, consent matters—but I do not consent to be friend broken up with.”

He listens to you, and his face is still in its signature blankness and you nearly scream at how you wished he’d display a little emotion or a reaction to your blow up. But it seems that between the two of you, you were the emotionally unstable one.

“I know I can be annoying and all over the place and loud but ...” You immediately opt to self-deprecate yourself because nothing could triumph the way it felt to do it yourself than have him say it to your face, “... you’re not allowed to leave me. Ever .”

You fold your arms across your chest and look away because what the fuck did you just do and your face was undebatably on fire right now.

As if he’s noticed the way your eyes widen in realisation, he holds you again—but this time he pulls you closer to his chest until you are forced to look up at him with your flushed cheeks.

“Silly girl.” He hums and you whine.

“What!”

“I have to do everything myself, hm?” He tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ears and it was instinctual for you to pull away because you’ve never felt Jimin like this before. Close, and warm—and all yours.

“Jimin I don’t understand— mpf!” And it was like a scene straight out of a romcom, and you nearly forget that La La Land was still running in the background. You felt like the main character of your own movie, and Jimin was the protagonist's love interest because he kissed you.

Jimin was kissing you.

Kissing. Like lip-locking. Sharing saliva. With you.

He pulls away too soon for your liking, but you gape at him like a fish out of water.

“You—” You stutter, and he chuckles. You feel it more than you hear it because his chest was resting against your cheek.

“Do you understand now?”

You shake your head, “... you feel bad for me?”

He snorts.

“I don’t know if you’re actually this much of an idiot, or are you just hopeless in the romantic department?” He says, and you open your mouth in the offense, ready to defend yourself but he hugs you closer to him and all you could feel was him.

“Excuse me? I’m not an idiot.”

“I just kissed you and you thought I felt bad for you.”

You huff, “What am I supposed to feel! You never speak about your emotions to me, and the most I’ve ever got out from you was a chuckle from the time where I slipped in front of the entire campus during freshers week.”

“That was when we met, yes.” He hums, “Why did you think I’ve been with you ever since?”

You still looked confused and Jimin internally sighs at the way he let himself fall for a dense excuse of a human being like you.

“Cause … you felt 'bad for me?”

"Just because you air-quote it doesn't make it any different from what you said earlier ____."

He groans, “No you dumbass—it’s cause no one makes me feel things the way you do. Strange weirdo who slipped on absolutely nothing, and as a friend who forces me to watch shitty romcoms like La La Land.”

“La La Land is not shitty!” You gasp.

He blinks.

“Is that all you got from what I said?”

“La La Land is phenomenal! All from the artistic production, to the soundtrack—so I don't know why people keep shitting on it because personally I really enjoyed—” But he kisses you again, and you melt into him immediately.

This time he lingers for a bit longer, and when he pulls away you grab onto his shirt to keep him close. You realise your mistake and suddenly push him away, but his hold on you was tight enough to resist your poor attempt.

“I like you, dummy.” He says, and you gasp.

“Nooo.” You say in disbelief.

“I like you.” He emphasises again, and you gasp. Again.

“No, you don’t.” You tell him, and he sighs—knowing that this was going to take a while.

“I do.”

“You don’t.”

“I do .”

“Nope.”

“ Yes .”

“Nuh-uh—!”

He clamps his hand over your mouth and glares at you.

“Me. Park Jimin—likes you, ____ ____, and yes —I can’t believe I like a complete idiot like you, but I do because you fucked up and made me like you from the moment you embarrassed yourself in front of everyone so bad that it was probably the hardest I’ve ever cringed in my life—”

“Hey!”

“—but you quite literally stumbled into my life with your whirlwind of emotions and you made me feel things that I’ve tried to avoid my entire life.” He holds your chin between his thumb and finger so you’d look at him. And you know that Jimin never lies, but something in your heart doesn't allow you that moment of happiness for yourself.

“But I'm annoying …” You say, a little unsure. Jimin simply looks at you, and you're frustrated again at the lack of emotion on his face.

“Yes, you are.” Is all he says, and you gape at his audacity.

You huff, throw the blanket off your body and make way to grab at your belongings that lay idle on the floor next to the couch. You pulled away from Jimin who attempted to grab at your wrist and glare at him so vehemently that he looked taken aback.

“This isn't a joke.” You tell him, and you hoped you looked as strong as you sounded because you felt played. Jimin didn't do this—you were just the clumsy freshmen that somehow befriended him, and he had no way out of it. So you decided to give him a way out on your own.

“Wait—of course, it's not—where are you going?” He exasperates when you make a beeline go to his door. You've never seen Jimin move as quickly as he did, but he manages to secure a tight grip on your elbow.

You try to shove him aside all while you felt like an immense idiot for allowing yourself to feel this way. To feel so human, and raw when you were with Jimin when he hadn't shown an inkling of emotion even when he declared that he ‘liked’ you.

“____—what’s wrong? Is it because I kissed you without asking you? I'm sorry but— ” He apologises and you groan.

“Stop treating me like this!” You yell at him to cut him off, “I know I'm clumsy, and a ditz—but I have feelings and it's not cool how you're doing all of—” You gesture to the hand on your elbow and to your lips, “— this, making me feel things that I shouldn't be feeling.”

“You're missing the point—!”

“Am I Jimin?” You exasperate, and he lets go of you for a moment to allow you space. “You've never shown any sign that you liked me for the past year of being friends, and now you're telling me you do?”

You scoff, “If you wanted out of this friendship, here it is.”

You reach to his doorknob with your back turned towards him, but Jimin was far stronger than you and reached out at the same time; essentially locking you into your position with nowhere to go.

“Just let me go,” You sigh, “I'm giving you your out.”

Jimin turns your body to face him and you avoid his stare. He was taller than you so being locked against the door was a little intimidating, given the fact that Jimin’s stare was nothing short of intimidating.

“Why would I want out?” He asks you, and you blink at him as if he's grown a second head.

“Now you're just treating me like I'm stupid .” You pout, “Did you not hear what I said? I know I'm annoying and I'll get out of your hair, just let me go—!”

You pull at his wrist but he holds you tighter and uses his other hand to softly grab at your cheeks to look at him. You stare at him with wide eyes and mouth scrunched like a fish, and you're sure this doesn't look the least bit flattering at all.

“Dude!”

“Please don't dude me after I just said I liked you.” He grimaces, then sighs.

He proceeds to clamp his hand over your mouth, “Now I need you to listen to me. And I mean— really listen. Not the thing that you do where you completely ignore my point and go on some childish rampage of how I think you’re annoying and want out.”

You glare at him.

He sighs, “I don't know how explicit I have to be—but I like you. I like your presence, I like hanging out with you—and I want to date you. I want everything that's in the book of romance and relationships with you.”

Your eyes widened and you attempt to speak but he clamps down harder than you whine.

“I know I'm an emotionless brick but I've been with you for the past year and my physical presence is the way I show you that I like you.”

You blink.

“And, I don't know if you've noticed but I've been inviting you over every fortnight just to cuddle up next to you to watch movies that are cheesy as fuck because I know that it makes your heart flutter—” He looks straight into your eyes and you're sure he can feel the heat of your cheeks on his hand.

“—I didn’t say this earlier because I was under the impression that you were aware and that we were kind-of-dating but not really— clearly, I was wrong.”

You manage to rip his hand off in his moment of weakness and gasp, “Kind-of-dating? Since when did that even happen?!”

He pointedly looks at you, “You have a toothbrush at my place, half of your closet is in mine—you walk my dog when I'm not home, and I buy your favourite cereal when I do groceries.”

“But—”

“Nope—the only reason I explicitly told you tonight because it was now clear to me that you weren't aware—” He gestures to your frazzled state, “—and that you said you were going out with Taehyung. Alone. To a pizza parlour.”

You barely manage to respond because he exasperates, “Do you know how datey a pizza parlour is?”

You gape at him, “Well excuse me! I didn't even know we were kind-of-dating until a minute ago!”

He glares at you, “And you didn't even believe me when I told you I liked you.”

You fold your arms across your chest, “Obviously. You don't even hold my hand, and you've never kissed me until tonight.”

You punch his shoulder and he hisses, “You didn't even formally ask me out!”

“You’re a scaredy-cat and if I did ask you out you’d probably run away from me!” He exasperates with his hands in the air.

“I’m not a scaredy-cat and I won’t run away!” You argue back and you were suddenly aware of how close he was to you.

You look up at him and notice how pretty his eyelashes were, and how he does look at you with an intimacy that you've only seen for yourself. The look that he reserved for you.

“I'm asking you out now,” He whispers, cupping your cheek.

“Date me. Be with me.”

You scoff, “God. Can’t you even be a little romantic? It’s like you’re demanding me to be with you.” You respond petulantly like a child.

He groans, “I'm not going to grovel you if that's what you're expecting.”

“Tell me why then.”

He raises an eyebrow.

You clear your throat and fiddle with your thumbs, a nervous tick you have.

“Tell me why you like me.”

Jimin stares at you and you want to complain about his stoic expression but he cups your cheeks in his hands a little harder and forces you to really look at him—as if his face held all the answers.

And when you did, you see the desperation behind his eyes, the dedication that he possesses only for you. The way he looks at you like he's meant to prove something to you, and then everything made sense to you—he wasn't inexpressive—you were just too caught up in your own world that you never noticed.

“Jimin—” Your voice cracks but he shushes you, softly.

“Listen to me, okay?” He asks of you and you gently nod.

“I like you because you're here,” He starts off and you were about to scoff but he speaks again knowing your predetermined reaction, “You’re present— always. I don't mean just because we're always together, but because even when we're texting you're there. You're involved.”

“You're expressive in ways that don't need words to tell me anything, which is why I know you like me too.”

“Cocky, much?” You scoff but the burn on your cheeks give the truth away

He smiles a little before continuing, “But that's not it—I like you because you're patient. You stuck with me being emotionally constipated for the first half of our friendship, and yet you're still here.”

“Even though you nearly ran out of here spewing some bullshit about me taking you as a joke—”

“Okay … I may have blown it out of proportion.”

“—but I wouldn't want to have you any other way. Even if it took me literally trapping you against a door for you to listen.”

You melt into his touch and look up at him, “Do you really like me?”

“I really do.” He affirms you, and you tug him closer to bury your head into his chest.

“Can you hold my hand next time?” You ask, softly. And he chuckles against the top of your head, caressing it gently.

“Of course. That's the only way you won't run away from me next time, right?” He teases.

You whine.

“I'm never going to let you go.” He tells you, “You're pretty like this—all mine .”

You smile up at him and Jimin swears his heart melts to be rebuilt whole by you again.

“But you called me an idiot ...”

“Two things can be true at the same time.”

You gasp, “Rude—!”

He shuts you up with a kiss more passionate, and a lot more eager that has your head spinning.

When he pulls away, you feel your heartbeat a little faster—especially at the string of saliva that connects your mouths.

“Mine,” He says. You can't help but nod.

His.

#bts fic #bts imagine #bts fics #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts jimin #jimin x reader #jimin fluff #mutual pining #crushes #jimin imagine #jimin fic #fluff #park jimin x reader #jimin thunders #park jimin fluff

[honeybrulee]

Sacrifices

Jean x Reader

Summary: When Jean is knocked unconscious during a scouting expedition you make the decision to risk your life in a desperate attempt to save him

The blue smoke from the flare signalling the scouts to retreat billowed its haunting message across the sky. Whatever had happened, whatever state the scouts ahead of you and Jean was, it wasn't good, and that was all the information you had to rely on in that moment.

The two of you, at the very back of the formation, dug your knees into your horses to push them ahead, silently sharing a look of uneasiness at the situation. For conditions that required a retreat signal from the commander your surroundings were quiet. Too quiet.

"What do you think's going on?" Jean called, raising his voice slightly so that it would carry across to you over the sound of pounding hooves.

"No idea, but I don't like this. Something doesn't seem right. We need to regroup with the others as quick as we can."

Jean nodded sharply in agreement before spurring on his horse, leaning into its neck.

However, as per usual, your gut feeling proved itself to be right. Before you could even get near any of the others, the ground you rode on began to shake with the familiar heavy footfall of your enemies.

Turning to look behind you, you notice five titans approaching rapidly, eyes focused on you and Jean.

One of them was gaining more rapidly than the others- an abnormal. Not leaving anywhere near enough time for you to send off a flare in hopes that nearby scouts would notice your predicament, the abnormal lunged for Jean, sending him hurtling off his horse with a yelp and across the planes of land.

"Jean!" you cried out, veering your mount in his direction. Your concern grew as he remained motionless, splayed out unnaturally on the grass. You knew you needed to be fast, the abnormal pulling itself from its stomach to it's feet again.

You called out his name again as you rushed to him, but still only silence answered your call. You couldn't let Jean die- not before you had the chance to confess your feelings to him.

The two of you had been friends ever since enlisting for the scouts, and you had only grown closer and closer over the years. Countless nights spent in his company under the moon left you with a sense of longing in your heart, one which only worsened upon your observation of the way the man gazed at Mikasa. Regardless of whether your friend shared your feelings or not, you still couldn't leave him to die so carelessly at the hands of a titan.

Sliding off the saddle of your horse once you reach him you realise there's no chance of getting him back on his own horse, the poor creature having been crushed under the stomach of the abnormal when it lunged for him.

With haste, you scoop Jean up in your arms, grunting as you use all your strength to settle him on top of your steed. With every second you spent adjusting him the abnormal was once again gaining on you, a hunter ready to crush and consume its prey, and the other four regular titans weren't far behind. Your eyes pricked with tears at the wave of hopelessness that washed over you. No. This wasn't the time for those sort of thoughts. You had to pull this off - for Jean.

Jean. You observed the way his limp unconscious body slumped against your horses neck, blood flowing steadily from his nose and the corners of his lips and the areas around his eyes already beginning to bruise.

You had two choices. Get on the horse with Jean and try to outrun the titans- unlikely. That held the risk of neither of you surviving, the abnormal was too fast, you'd be overwhelmed before you made it so much as thirty metres. Option two, however, secured Jean's safety, and you already found yourself choosing that one with not even a second of thought regarding the repercussions for you. You would secure Jean to the horse, send it off in the direction of the others and pray they noticed him and took care of him. You, meanwhile, would remain behind, distract the titans from Jean and bring their attention to you. That was the one.

You lifted the reins, throwing them over Jean's body and tying them to the back of his belt, making sure it was tight enough for him not to fall. Scratches from the coarse earth littered his skin, and you couldn't resist the urge to lean in and press one tender kiss against his cheek. A goodbye kiss perhaps, maybe selfish on your part, maybe a waste of precious time- but you could take one moment to be selfish for yourself. You would earn it.

With one last look at Jean you nudged the side of your horse, sending it galloping off ahead with your friend secured to its back. Your heart clenched in desperation, begging whatever gods might be out there to deliver him safely to the scouts as you stood and watched him disappear into the distance.

The abnormal was right behind you now, letting out a throaty screech before lunging violently at you the same way it had to Jean. You quickly sank the hooks of your ODM gear into a nearby tree, pulling you sharply in its direction and out of the grasp of the titan. The trees were only short and were sparse, nowhere near high enough to give you any advantage over the abnormal but as long as you could remain out of its clutch you could manage until somebody noticed and came to help you. If somebody noticed.

Meanwhile, a few miles ahead, the scouts were regrouping, taking headcounts and waiting for as many survivors as they could gather to join them.

"Sir! Someones approaching on the horizon! Only a single rider!" a scout called out, alerting Levi and Erwin.

"Who is it?" another spoke, attempting to focus their eyes on the face of their approaching comrade. Things changed however, when they noticed that the rider was slumped over unconscious.

"It's Jean," Armin wailed, "and he doesn't look conscious!"

As the horse flew in their direction Captain Levi prepared to stop it, standing just to the side of its path so that he could grab the reins and haul it in. And that's what he did, the horse bucking and squealing in a frenzy.

"It seems like he's tied to the horse by the reins. And that's definitely not his horse, either," Eren evaluated, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

Mikasa spoke next. "Whoever was with Jean must have tied him up like this so that he could escape while unconscious. But surely that means they must have been protecting Jean from something, else they'd be on the horse with him."

"Y/N! She was the one who was out there with him!" Armin came to the realisation, making the others murmur and gasp. You had made many friends within the scout regiment, always easy to get along with and willing to spend time with and care for your teammates, so your death would not go down easily.

Erwin furrowed his brows, thinking about his next actions carefully. If what they were theorising was true, he couldn't just leave members of his regiment to suffer a needless death at the hands of titans.

"Very well then," he spoke clearly, gaining the attention of the others. "Captain Levi, you will go with Eren, Mikasa and Armin to locate their missing teammate. I will lead the others back to the walls, join us when you have determined her fate. I will also see to it that Kirschtein is escorted safely to the walls."

With a nod, they departed, Erwin assigning two scouts to ride either side of Jean's unconscious body on your horse. The others galloped in the direction they had seen Jean come from, and it wasn't long before they found you. You looked weak from exertion, trying with every fibre of your strength to fight off the abnormal and the four regular titans. Three of the normal titans lay dead on the ground, the napes of their necks steaming in defeat. Now you were flying in endless circles around the abnormal and one remaining titan, barely missing their clutch each time they swung at you with meaty fists.

No matter how hard you tried, exhaustion would always find a way to catch up with you. After endless swinging, leaping and the intense focus it required to have kept yourself alive this long in your situation you were growing weary, the strength draining from your body, and before you knew it you were being squeezed horifically tight in the fist of the abnormal. The large titan opened its gaping mouth, blunt teeth exposed and ready to crush you. You yelled, using what little strength remained to squirm as hard as you could manage but to no avail. The creature's grip was too tight, and as it began lifting you into its mouth you found yourself squinting your eyes tight shut and sobbing.

You reminded yourself that this was for Jean, that you were doing this to save his life, but the thought of him only made you cry harder.

"'M, sorry, Jean. I love you," you whimpered breathlessly.

However, just as you prepared yourself to be bitten in half, the sound of ODM gear engaging caught your ears. You gasped in shock, and a small part of you began building hope again. The next thing you knew you were falling from the titan's fist towards the floor, the beast's nape having been sliced. Before you could meet the ground you were snatched up by someone. You didn't know who, however, as the relief you felt mixed with your exhaustion, leading to you falling into unconsciousness as you knew you were finally in safe hands.

You had done it. You had saved Jean and survived. They had come to get you.

___

When you regained consciousness you were safely tucked into your own bed back at the barracks. You tried to sit up but immediately fell back down and groaned at the sharp pain that wracked you. Your ribs, they must have been broken by how hard that titan had been holding you. The titan- Jean. Where was he? Was he okay? What if the scouts hadn't found him and he was still out there somewhere all alone. He'd be dead by now for sure if he hadn't met back with them. Had you unknowingly sent him to his death?

But before you had the chance to work yourself into a frenzy, all of your questions were answered in one.

"You're awake!" A frantic gasp from your bedside. Jean.

Tears sprung to your eyes. He really had survived and had made it home safe.

"Woah, woah, woah, you idiot, sit still. And what are you crying for?" he exclaimed.

"You're alive!" you rasped, throat raw.

"Yes, but the question is why? Why would you ever do that for me? Huh? Sacrifice your whole life, send me off to safety and leave yourself to be torn apart by titans for my sake? Why the fuck would you ever do that you idiot?" Jean was practically shouting, his voice shaking and wild.

You sighed deeply, closing your eyes to avoid him.

"Well? Don't just close your eyes! I need to know why you would ever do something so stupid. Risk something so precious just for me!"

You felt your heart pounding, heat rising to your cheeks. He couldn't ask you something like that.

"Do you really need to ask?" you spoke quietly, still not strong enough to speak at a regular volume.

"Yes! I really fucking do need to ask."

"Think about it, Jean. You don't actually need me to answer that for you. You'll only make a fool of me." you pried your eyes open, looking up into his in the hopes that he would get your message and wouldn't make you go through the pain of being rejected, of being told that he only had eyes for Mikasa.

"You're already a fool for doing what you did. You should have left me to die. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, especially if the reason for your loss was me." Jean's angry facade broke, the man falling to his knees at your bedside and sobbing into the back of your hand.

"That's exactly why I did it, Jean. I don't know what I'd do without you either, and in that moment your entire life was in my hands so I did what I could to preserve it. Call me all the names you want, and maybe it was stupid, but I couldn't care less. I'd do it a thousand times over if it meant being able to see you alive and healthy every day. If you're really going to make me say it, fine, I'll say it. I love you, Jean. I have for years. I love the way you always panic over me when I get so much as a papercut; I love the way you let me lean on you and sleep on your shoulder when we're out scouting overnight; I love the way you make me laugh with your dumb jokes every day; and how you hold me when I'm sad and don't leave until you see me smile. I love you, Jean. Is that what you wanted to hear? And I know you only have eyes for Mikasa. I do- believe me, but there it is. The truth. The reason I did what I did. And like I said, I'd do it all over again. I don't expect you to say anything back, I already know you're not interested. Now please, just leave and spare me the embarassment of being rejected by the person I love."

Jean froze, dumbfounded. His eyes were wide and glued to your face, at the pained and heartbroken expression you held. All this time and you'd thought he'd never wanted you? Thought that he wanted Mikasa? Slowly, shakily, he got up from his knees and moved to sit on the mattress by your hip. You turned your face from him, avoiding his eyes.

"You truly believe I don't feel the same way?" his voice shook as he spoke.

Your eyes widened, and you automatically turned your head back in his direction to detect from his face if he was lying or not.

"You really think that I'd be this upset over anyone else doing what you did? You think I panic when you get hurt because we're just friends? You think my heart doesn't feel like it's going to beat out of my chest when you fall asleep against me? That I tell you all of my dumbest jokes just to keep a teammate entertained and that I hold you when you cry because I don't like seeing a friend upset? You really believe that. I do it all because I love you. Always have, ever since the day I met you. And Mikasa? That was a childish crush, never anything more. I've never felt for anyone the way I do for you. When I woke up back at the barracks I was so confused. The last thing I remembered was riding back to the commander with you when some titans appeared. I thought you were dead, Y/N. The others only knew I was conscious again because I screamed at the thought of you being dead and in the stomach of some damn titan while I was tucked up in bed, healthy and alive. And when Eren told me what really happened? I was furious. Furious at you for putting my life over yours, but even more furious at myself for letting that happen in the first place. I always make sure we're stationed together for the exact purpose of protecting you. I'd die for you, Y/N. And I know how hypocritical that sounds but gods I love you, my sweet girl. I don't know how I'd live without seeing that beautiful smile every day. I love you."

Tears brimmed at your waterline at his words, the breath leaving your lungs.

"You really mean that?" you gazed up at him, not daring to break the eye contact you had established.

"More than I've ever meant anything in my life," he reassured. Jean sighed, reaching to brush a strand of hair from in front of your eyes. His hand slid down to your cheek, thumb swiping over it and wiping away the escaping tears.

Slowly, ever so carefully so as not to hurt your battered body, Jean leaned down, resting his forearm at the side of your head for balance.

"Can I kiss you?" he almost whispered, eyes blinking slowly.

"Please," you sighed, heart pounding when he closed the distance and complied with your plea.

His lips swept against yours with every care in the world as the two of you exchanged your pent up emotion without words. And as Jean held you that night safe in his arms, as he spent hours pressing gentle kisses to your forehead, cheeks, jaw, nose, lips- the two of you felt your hearts melding together, becoming one synchronous unit. He had you now, and you had him, and neither of you planned on ever letting go. You were in it now and forever.

#jean kirschtein x reader #aot x reader #jean kirstein x reader

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part VI/VII)

"the downfall"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadows @missmulti @accioweaslcy @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley16 @dianarte @skarlettmikaelson

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality

Warnings: language, allusions to sex

A/N: my apologies for keeping y'all waiting for this one darlings, but here comes the next part YAYY! Enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

He had left me in the room that morning, alone, with regret and guilt straining my chest, with embarrassment and panic heaving over me, my only company being a terrible headache and a sore body.

I was still waiting for him to come back. Of course, he still lived in the apartment, but the day after, he slept at Shell Cottage because Bill needed help with the chores, and the next night at the Burrow because Molly had asked to keep an eye on 'the kids' —the kids being Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione— while she and Arthur were off to visit Andromeda, and at Lee's because Angelina was away and they were going to have a boys' weekend; in summary, he managed to avoid stepping into the flat while I was in there for an entire week.

I would be lying if I said the idea of moving out hadn't crossed my mind, but I knew I was being dramatic— we were being dramatic; we were adults, even if we forgot about it more often than not, and adults talk things out, so I decided to confront him at the only place I would manage to corner him; the shop.

When I descended from the office on the second floor, I spotted the ginger turning the 'CLOSED' to face the glass door. "Oi!" His head snapped to me as I climbed downstairs and he instantly walked to the shelves on the opposite side. "Can I have a word?" I requested, following him, only for George to move on to another shelf.

"Right now I'm quite busy." He replied, seemingly absent-minded as he pretended to check the products in front of him.

"This is important." I insisted, moving to stand besides him.

Not fast enough, though, because he was off to yet another part of the shop as soon as I got close. "I'm sure it can wait."

"You know it can't," I assured intently, stalking after him, only for him to speed up his own pace, moving from product to product without stopping too long in front of him. "George I'm- Oi, stop! We need to talk about this!"

"Well maybe I don't wanna talk about this!" He exclaimed, taking big steps under one of the stairs in order to shamelessly dodge the hand with which I had reached out to stop him.

"George Weasley don't run away from me!"

"I'm not running away from you!"

"You're literally RUNNING AWAY!"

He stopped circling the counter and stood across from me, slamming his palms over the till. "ALRIGHT, LOVE!" for the first time, I didn't like the way the name dripped off his tongue. "Let's talk about how we accidentally FUCKED! That's what you want so badly, isn't it?!" Flush crept up his neck and ears, and I couldn't tell if it was from anger or from timidness. "Go on, darling, lead the bloody way!"

I felt my own cheeks going red, partly because of his straightforward statement but also because I genuinely had never heard George raise his voice like he had just done.

"Cat's got your tongue now?!" My stuttering seemed to fuel his anger more. "C'mon, Y/n, talk! You wanted to talk!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, GEORGE!" He clenched his jaw as his freckles drowned in a sea of pinkish red. "Yeah I want to talk! 'Cause that's what grown-ups do! We don't know how to act around each other so we just don't spend time together anymore— Fuck, I've barely seen you! AND WE. LIVE. TOGETHER!" I emphasised each word with stomps. "We can either pretend it didn't happen or talk it out to make sure we're on the same page, you choose but for Merlin's sake, don't avoid me!"

"OKAY!" His eyes widened, surprised at his own tone, and then he repeated in a softer, self-conscious one, "Okay." He breathed deeply and then added. "We're on the same page, right?" His eyebrows raised as he looked into my eyes. "It was... A mistake."

I should have noticed the uncertainty and hope in his voice, but I panicked and was too quick to respond, "Yeah! A massive mistake." My words stung my heart and, to my dismay, his own just as much. "Can we go back to being friends? Because I'm going crazy without you." I blamed our watery eyes to the argument we had had, and not to the fact that it had been a mistake.

He circled the counter and walked to me, hesitating before pulling me into a hug. "Can I...?" I tugged him closer, wrapping my arms around his middle. It took a moment for him to ease into my embrace, and I could tell we had fucked up our friendship for good. "It's alright, we'll make it right again." His words made me squeeze him tighter, as if he was about to vanish from my side.

And from then, we tried to make it right, we tried so hard, because it seemed so easy to make it wrong again.

Everytime we stood too close, everytime he leaned on to whisper something, everytime I helped him with his tie, our eyes would fall on each other's lips; I would sometimes drift off the conversation, staring too much at his mouth and hands, wandering if they would feel just as amazing as they had done while we were drunk.

"Y/n are you listening?"

"Uh yeah- I mean, no- sorry, what?"

I was so focused on trying to hide it that I didn't notice George was in the exact same situation, meaning that neither of us could give in, because we would go down together. In all honesty, it was doomed to happen at some point, we were just delaying the inevitable.

The moment came the last night of January, when George showed up in my room due to a really rough nightmare, and I, as always, invited him in so we could lay down together.

"Isn't this... Weird?" He murmured as we scooted closer. We had kept physical contact at bay for obvious reasons, and cuddling had been off the table since New Year.

"It doesn't have to be." I replied, my voice as quiet as his. "We've done this a thousand times."

"Right." He cleared his throat, averting his eyes from mines as we shifted in our places ever so slightly, trying to find a position where the situation turned less awkward.

And it happened, my mind got lost on the way his neck tensed, on the damp locks hanging over his forehead, sweaty due to the nightmare; on his plump lips, which he had just wetted with his tongue in the most subtle way. It was a nervous habit of him, something he would usually do, but that didn't make it any less hot.

"George..." I called his name without noticing, my heart hammering violently against my chest when his gaze landed on my eyes, quickly falling on my lips.

The next thing I knew was that he was holding my thigh over his hip, his other hand on the back of my neck while we shared a hungry kiss that, as soon as my hips involuntarily rocked against his, turned into something more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

The next morning we swore to each other that it was just another accident, that it would happen again.

And the next one too.

And the following.

The fifth time that happened, we agreed to call the situation a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing, well aware that it was an euphemism for the downfall of our friendship.

I had longed to be hers for so long, and it that moment, as I lay by her side in her bed, that wish seemed so close yet so far; I could reach out and my fingertips would touch her skin, yet I had never felt that distant towards her.

The moment my eyes were averted from her form, her gaze was laid on me. "You don't have to go."

"I know." I replied in a mumble, already sitting up and reaching for my pants. "But soon we'll have to get up, so I might as well do that and let you sleep." I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to see her beautiful irises pleading for me to stay by her side, because I knew I would.

I saw on my peripheral vision her fingers attempting to carefully wrap around my wrist, and I was quick to stand up and walk to the door; sadly, I did not miss Y/n burying her face into the pillow, her hands fisting on the fabric ever so subtly.

She tried to hide her tears like that, and I agressively wiped mines as soon as I reached the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Morning, lady!" I light-heartedly greeted Y/n without turning my back to the making of our breakfast when I heard the steps approaching the kitchen.

In the morning it was easier to pretend everything was back to normal; usually, the refreshing sunlight and the drowsiness provided by a night of sleep were enough to wash away the sad truth of our relationship.

"Good morning, sir." She responded with a yawn, rubbing her eyes as she walked to stand besides me, leaning against the counter with her arms folded. "Smells good." She commented, leaning on to take a peek at the scrambled eggs.

I was about to make a cocky, playful comment when it dawned on me what she was wearing; it was my jumper, one of the old ones that I exclusively used for pyjamas.

I knew she didn't do it intently; I had left it on the floor the previous night, and it was probably the first thing she grabbed, but it struck a nerve.

I had seen a similar scene way too many times before; a sleepy, dishevelled Y/n entering the kitchen with an ugly Weasley jumper as only clothing, ready to start the bickering with an almost identical version of me who would be making breakfast.

My head then travelled to the thought that lately crossed my mind more often than not and my heart clenched; In Y/n's eyes, I was, most likely, just a poor replacement for Fred.

"You alright?" That worried furrow appeared between her brows too often lately. We were both walking on eggshells, and it got me on my nerves.

"You don't have to ask if I'm alright every time I'm quiet." I hadn't meant it to come out harsh or curt, but it definitely did.

"You're not quiet, you're overthinking." She responded with a tinge of hostility.

"What's to overthink?" I fought the need to raise my voice.

"Dunno, you tell me." She squinted her eyes with a scrutinising gaze directed to me.

"Can we not do this?" I almost pleaded; heated arguments had become a usual thing between us —yet another sign of the unfixable problem we refused to address.

Y/n was about to reply something that would lead us into a fight when the doorbell rung. "Mister Weasley?" I took that as a cue to go open the door to Verity, already dressed on her uniform. "The Valentine's Day products arrived, should I unpack them or..." Her eyes flickered behind me and her cheeks heated up. "Y/n—" When I looked over my shoulder, I felt my own face flushing out of embarrassment. Y/n was still my employee and Fred's ex, so Verity catching a glimpse of her dressed in my jumper wasn't the best thing for any of us. "I— am I— sorry, am I interrupting?"

"You're not interrupting." I assured her with a reassuring smile. "Leave the boxes on the puking pastries section, we'll be down in ten."

"Alright, sir." Her curious gaze travelled to Y/n one last time, and with that, she was rushing back down to the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

The ache that had appeared on my chest the day after New Year would end up killing me, or at least it felt like that.

I had a dreadful gut feeling of knowing what caused that pain, but my mind refused to believe it was that, and kept pushing the sensation back into my heart day by day.

George had gone to relocate the puking pastries in the upper level of the shop so I could prepare the section with the Valentine's Day products.

My eyes dawned on the small packages of Amortentia. I knew it was a terrible idea but I needed to know.

I took a look around, making sure Verity wasn't near and George was up still, and brought one of the Amortentias under my nose. It didn't take long for the scents to besot me, and I had to put all my will on not to fall under the potion's spell.

The first smell to reach my nostrils was gunpowder; my heart skipped a bit when the next scent was vanilla.

Then strawberry and chocolate; candy floss cupcakes and George's cologne.

The tiny, heart-shaped bottle fell from my hands, scattering all over the shop's floor. "Shit!" I rapidly kneeled to pick the shattered glass when I realized it had echoed in the empty establishment.

"Oi! What was that?" George descended from the second floor, using the ladder. "Oh shit—" his hands took a hold on my bicep and pulled me away from the pool of pinkish pearl liquid that seemed to be attracting me. "Don't!" He warned Verity, who had attempted to jog in the potion's direction too. "Verity, can you bring me my wand?" The girl complied running up to the office.

In Verity's absence, George took the chance and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head up to check my eyes. "You alright?" I managed to give him a slow nod, my mind buzzing with the newly acquired information. "Getting the Amortentias was a bad idea, wasn't it?" I nodded again, producing a frown between his eyebrows. "No 'told you so'? Are you sure you're alright?" He chuckled nervously, his hands falling to his sides right in time for Verity to rush back to us.

"Here, Mister Weasley!"

"Thank you, darling." He politely replied, taking the wand and restoring the potion bottle in a swift movement. His eyes peeked at me again; I could see the worry growing on him. "Y/n-"

"I'm gonna go wash my face." The words hastily left my mouth before I dashed off to the restroom.

I closed the door behind me and took a look at the mirror; my pupils were blown and my cheeks pink. I ran the tab and splashed the water on my face a few times until the potion's mild effect was gone and my mind clear.

It was in that moment that it dawned on me that I was in love with George Weasley.

#harry potter fanfiction #george weasley headcanon #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley #george weasley fanfic #george weasley series #george weasley smut #george weasley fluff #george weasley fic #george weasley x you #george weasley x reader angst #george weasley x hufflepuff!reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x reader #george weasley x ravenclaw!reader #george weasley x gryffindor!reader #george weasley one shot #george x reader fluff #george x reader smut #george x reader #george weasley angst #george wealsey x reader

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK BE CONCEPT- EXTENDED ANALYSIS

ANON: Hey Goldy, so I want to ask, what makes you look at one moment and decide the tension in there is nothing but then in another moment you claim Jikook are having issues? I ask because of the conclusions you drew on the photoshoot video when you said they were fighting but in two other instances where we can all clearly see that the mood between Jikook is tense like Jimin's mood in the Be Concept Clip and the other interview you have said it's nothing. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, I just want to understand your thought process if you can walk me through it. It's ok if you don't respond. I love your posts regardless. Keep it up.

Thanks for your question.

I think I try my best as much as possible to share my thought process on why I reach certain conclusions and in instances where I do not have much time to delve deeper into a conversation I state an NB indicating I would be talking further about that particular topic later on?

I think the first thing I can point out to you right off the bat in regards to your question is that we may most likely be having different understandings of tension as pertains to shipping simply because we ship Jikook in different ways.

Again, I do not mean to say my perspective is superior or that someone else's is inferior. I'm just saying we may be having different views on the topic based on the differences in our shipping styles.

To me tension is not just a sense or feeling or mood. It is one of the metrics I employ in assessing whether or not a ship is real- stay with me.

In my experience, while people may be good at hiding a relationship, they can never hide the intimacy of the relationship or the stress of keeping that relationship a secret. Secrets are stressful to keep and they leave stress trails in their wake. It's as simple as that. If any ship is real in BTS you will see its stress marks.

It's not easy standing there, watching your man's nipples being played with, or having another man grope your intimate partner for entertainment purposes while you stand there smiling for the cameras- you can smile, but it's going to be fake.

It's not easy hearing how your man sneaks into another man's shower to watch him bathe and compliment the size of his dick.

It's not easy hearing how you can't stand next to your man in a line up while another person takes that position even if it's just for work.

It's not easy pretending not to love your man, while watching everyone else love on him. It's not easy being told what you can do and not do with your partner much less by your own peers.

It's not easy hiding your love and affection for the person you love, holding yourself back from kissing them, or hugging them or doing any of the intimate stuff you are so used to doing with them- not when you have to be around them all the time.

It's not easy having cameras shoved in your face during your alone, private time with your man, when you are watching them on giant screens and they are right there next to you but you can't hold them- please listen to JK's demo Delcacomania which he released on his birthday last year and you will understand why he cried when JM flew from Paris to see him on his birthday. I cried too.

My point is, it's really not easy keeping a relationship a secret within the same work space as your partner. It's not as easy as other shippers make it seem. That shit is stressful and stress begets tensions and tensions begets conflicts- especially if there are other people attached to the parties in the relationship.

A secret gets heavy before it gets easy but you can never erase the stress that comes with hiding that secret especially not in a group as diverse in personalities as BTS. There are bound to be clashes, there are bound to be slip ups- moments where the fourth wall is breached and many others.

Stress is usually one of the first indicators of people keeping anything a secret. I've been called toxic for this, but I pay a lot of attention to conflicts and tensions within the group dynamics regardless of the degree of that tension because that conflict to me is a sign of stress.

I can tell you for a fact, any ship that is kumbaya in BTS is not real. Any ship whose existence doesn't stress out the group dynamics is a ship made in Disney heading for Never-land. Conflict and tension is a sign of stress and stress is a sign of keeping secrets.

That's not to say every single tension within the group, between Jikook or any other ship is as a result of them keeping that ship a secret. I think we can rule out all forms of contrived tensions at this point- you know which ones I'm talking about. Ain't no damn person up in there tryna steal nobody's man in BTS. The fuck?! Lmho.

Then there are those tensions that are as a result of mood swings, bad hair days, a call being delayed, a missed period- what? some of them have girlfriends, cough cough. Yea, Don't mind me.

Tension could be caused by anything really and so I think it's not enough to point out tensions but you have to try and ascertain the cause and effect of that tension to see if that tension is as a result of the stress that comes with keeping Jikook a secret or whether it is rather causing stress or going to cause a stress in their relationship dynamics-

C'mon, now y'all know if Jimin should thirst over another man that that is going cause a lot of stress not just for JK but the group as well because Jikook's mood affects them too.

Jimlous and Jeonlous are also signs of the stress that comes with keeping Jikook's relationship a secret. Let's be honest, if they were out all of those wouldn't be happening. People wouldn't cross their boundaries as much as they do.

From my perspective, both of Jikook are constantly reacting, poorly might I add, to their relationship being a secret. It seems to me they both hate what they have to do to keep eachother a secret within the group.

Jimin keeps JK a secret by acting as if he is available and JK keeps Jimin a secret by acting as if he doesn't want him- cold, nonchalant, and the way I see them I think it drives them both crazy. Lol.

Jimin doesn't want to come out but he doesn't want to be kept a secret either. He just wants to be in that glass closet whereas JK seems to want to be out or completely hidden- he is not about that middle ground life, I feel. But that doesn't mean he doesn't make compromises especially where Jm is concerned.

Jimin is very conscious and highly judgmental of himself and I think he projects a bit of that into their relationship dynamics. As such he is constantly worrying about feedback, about how their relationship is affecting the group's dynamics.

You see this in the way he runs to JK upon the least complaints by any member about JK. Like when Jin complained about JK not choosing his bag over JM's, or when RM complained about JK buying a birthday present for only JM and not the others.

Or when RM complained about JK showing a song he had written to JM first before showing it to him in a VLive- now they didn't mention who they were talking about exactly but I knew from the moment JM started reciting Jikook's go to response for whenever they are called out for constantly being together, the whole 'we just so happened to be together in that moment,' that they were talking about JK. I don't know, I could be wrong.

JM is constantly trying to mitigate Jungkook's tendencies for exclusivity in their relationship especially where it conflicts with the groups interest even though that exclusivity and preferential treatment feeds directly into his love language.

It's that kumbaya in him I keep talking about. He would sacrifice their happiness for the groups. In my opinion.

But JK aint about that life. His entire philosophy is to pursue personal happiness first. So often, you would see him weaponizing their relationship secret against JM- trying to out him and shit. which in turn, ends up causing their relationship a ton of stress.

The best illustration I can give for this is when JK posted Ending Scene in early parts of 2019 and people started speculating Jikook had broken up because it was a break up song. JM immediately responded to that post with two posts, one about the Calico cat or something and the other pointing out how that song was just a cover. Jimin hates it when JK does something to create the impression that they are not together especially when they are together.

But at the same time, he would take a step back from their relationship, ask for space to try and nurture his other relationships with friends and family when he feels JK coming on too strong on him- like Jimin what do you actually want! You drive me nuts!

What I'm trying to say is that when you point out that JM looks tensed, you should be able to explain why you think he looks tensed.

And if you think his tension goes to the root of their relationship, then you should be able to predict the consequences of that tension too. Lol.

For me, I filter their tensions through their established patterns of behavior, their personalities and the actions that arise from their personalities- listen, the Maknae line can be very melancholic for no reason sometimes. Not sure what goes on but boy can they brood!

You have to consider all these things.

Tensions are obvious, obviously. Or maybe not. Most of them are quite easy to spot. Some not so much. They do go undetected if you are not hyper focused on them in certain moments when they happen or aren't aware of the context or subtext behind such moments.

Perspective is everything. We all don't have the same perspective. But no one holds the truth when it comes to Jikook. We can only speculate in a way that holds meaning to us.

Take for example Jimin and Jin's call during Jimin's VLive in March this year. There are a fraction of shippers who do not believe that that call was intercepted by JK at all simply because they do not see the subtext of that moment. Why would JK do that and not just reveal his identity, they ask. A valid point.

Then there are those who see JK interrupting that call as plausible because they believe they can differentiate between JK and Jin's call voice. Equally valid point.

Then there's me, who think yes that was JK's voice but goes further to try and anwer the questions raised by the first group as that, JK was pushing the boundaries both with JM and Bighit for barring him from doing a live with JM.

As such, I believe that call was an act of rebellion on his part to be allowed to Jikook with his man on the VApp. All that protest would then lead to a pivotal moment of him and JM having their VLive but under heavy surveillance. Lol.

Actions have consequences whether good or bad. Whether positive or negative. It's the cause and effect principle. Every effect has a predictable cause and every action has a specific and predictable effect.

If a moment of tension is created between them that is substantial, it is going to produce a subsequent substantial reaction. Law of Newton- I can't make this shit up. Lmho.

Another moment of this nature for me would be the VMin's unit interview filmed in February/March and released in June during Festa.

Now, if you were following the tensions between V and JK around that period, the context and subtext of that Interview would be easily apparent to you- V was just shading JK left right left. Bless him.

All that random flirting with Jimin- JM lost his Mochi cheeks, his pinky has grown were just code for JM is a grown ass man now so stop being possessive over him.

I have said Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother this year following the lows of late 2019 and especially around that time period.

For Jimin, that self assertion takes the form of checking JK's over possessiveness over him as that is a huge cause of tensions within the group throughout the years and something that I feel really bothered JM in the later half of 2019 and early half of 2020.

Why does it bother him when he used to be the one enabling that shit in JK? The members, keep up. Lol but not just the members. Remember I said earlier how, Jikook had come under heavy scrutiny with May 2019 to June this year. JM I feel wanted to keep things really on the low but JK- sigh.

Believe it or not, JK dumb whipped ass exposes Jikook more than JM does in their relationship. In the very least his possessiveness and chest puffing when anyone breathes near JM is one of the biggest tells.

We all know Tae is one of the members that have openly pointed out his displeasure with JK keeping JM to himself, cutting him off from his friends and all. Now we all know also that Jimin's pinky is a huge deal to JK. The moment he saw VMin comparing pinkies that's when he began screwing with us for real! Lmho.

JK made a big deal about JM's pinky and also seemed to have a thing for JM's Mochi cheeks too, calling him his Mochi and shit right in front of Tae's salad. Listen, TAE KNOWS. He knows!

So I found it interesting, how those parts of JM were specifically the things that V felt had changed about Jimin- I mean go back and look at Tae's facial expressions and smirk when he started talking about that. Lmho.

Then Jimin clapped back with that whole pinky line from their song Friends, pointing out how contradictory Tae was being. Lol.

To me that has always been one aspect of Tae and JK's ship dynamics that I enjoy so much. Tae is constantly teasing and shading JK and it's so subtle yet passive aggressive sometimes. you might miss it if you don't understand the context of him saying certain things in certain moments.

He don't spare JM sometimes either. Chileee. You never know with this man. Lol.

I mean did y'all catch his jab at JK during Festa when JK brought up the rain fight and he said, yea but that was a long time ago though- give it a rest. When I tell you, this man knew JK was trying to one up him over the whole dumpling fight thingy he had with JM. Lmho.

Then in that dynamite MV reaction VLive when JK and JM tried to eye fuck through the viewfinder? Let's not look into the camera he says so eloquently then side eyes JK- I LOVE THIS MAN!!! Please stay on their necks for me. They play too much! Lmho.

JK's possessiveness over JM is one of the causes of tension within the group I feel and JK have said his hyungs try to teach him not to be so possessive. Tae, RM and Suga to me are those hyungs who keep him in check the most, most times.

All that being said, just because there is tension present between them in a given moment doesn't necessarily mean it's as a result of a conflict between them as I have explained in past posts.

The inverse of this is similarly true. Truth is we can never know these things for sure. We can only speculate.

And personally, as I keep pointing out I have my own metrics for assessing these kinds of things. I get it wrong sometimes and when I do, I simply adjust my metrics and keep it pushing.

It's my own customized metrics, the lens through which I filter their interactions and make sense of their moments and It works for me. Isn't that what having an opinion is about?

I find, some of their interactions or moments follow an established pattern of behavior from their past moments and so it's much easier to call those.

For instance, you don't need a six foot page analysis to identify Jimlous or Jeonlous when you see it. You don't need a crystal ball to tell you when JK nibbles on Jimin's ear that Jimin is nervous. They did that in 2018, they did that in 2019, they've done that in 2020- to me that's become a pattern and when I see JK anywhere near Jimin's ear depending on the setting I will conclude JM is nervous and JK is trying to comfort him.

All that would be left for me to determine then is why Jimin is nervous at all in that moment and if I find he has no reason to be nervous in that instant my next assumption then would be that Jeon Jungkook is horny. I'm not kidding. Jk scares me. Lol.

Don't mind me.

He could be horny or he could be touchy, or he could be just expressing his affections through skinship. All of that is valid so I would employ an elimination approach?

I would rule out Jikook sexual foreplay in instances like that based on whether or not JK's gesture was a mission given to him by the staff based on Jimin's reaction to that gesture- He seemed pretty disappointed when he learned that JK bopping his nose was just a mission.

At times too I test out theories.

Yes, Jimin is an extrovert but does he freeze out JK when he is being an extrovert? He doesn't. We have seen him grabbing the Jeon titties in behind the scenes photoshoot, we have seen JK shove his butt in JM's dick face, we have seen 50 shades of JK grab JM's neck and dip his hand down his neck into his chest region to warm himself up. We have seen Jikook at behind the scenes photo shoots countless times. They gravitate towards eachother.

So if he is being his extrovert self with every body but JK, and JK is orbiting him but not interacting with him as they have done in the past then honestly I don't need my crystal ball to assume something is up between them. Why? Because Jikook's interactions behind the scenes aren't susceptible to false conditionings as compared to the intentional, exaggerated versions of their interactions on camera which sometimes can be laced with fanservice.

Jikook is not fanservice. Most of their behind cameras are moments of them breaching the forth wall. Like JM walking into JK's room without noticing there were cameras in the room. Their mood in there was not a performance and wasn't intended for the cameras and yet they were still close. Them taking a picture at the back of the track was equally that- unintended for the cameras.

What I'm saying is, we have seen Jikook when they are working on camera and when they are not working on camera and that mood in that behind the scenes photoshoot video doesn't fit either description of Jikook in those settings to me regardless of whether I know them personally or not.

What that moment fits into for me is a pattern of behavior that has been consistent with Jikook over the years. And I know people box JM into this whole extrovert personality but as I've said I don't believe anyone is completely extroverted or introverted.

JM to me has a certain degree of introvertedness in him and I've talked about this. He seems to have a bit of an avoidant personality too where he recoils into himself or shut people out in certain moments like how he says he drinks alone and becomes much quieter when he feels stressed out.

He doesn't open up as much about his problems it seems, he bottles it all up untill it eats him up- I'm glad he says when gets like that JK notices his mood and often comes around to do something that makes him laugh. Jimin does same for JK when he is feeling anxious- Please, Jikook is real ok?

So stop telling lies. Lol.

I think this avoidant personality becomes more prominent in moments when he fights or argues with people.

In Manila it was that moment where he noticed JK staring at him and so be moved his seat back to avoid JK's gaze. In VMin dumpling fight, it was him going out to drink with Suga after the fight- classic avoidant behavior. In Yoonmin it was him asking Suga not to touch him when Suga put his hand on his back even though Suga was sat right next to him.

In 2017- was it the behind scenes photoshoot for the billiard pool games? We saw JM literally running away from JK. Lol. He literally side-eyed the fuck out of JK, yeeted himself away from JK the moment he finished posing for the cameras. In that OT7 footage where V was playing with JK's hair, again, he yeeted himself out of there real quick at the end of filming- dude literally said deuces bitches. Lol.

And in the Jin birthday VLive 2019, he pulled away instinctively when JK's knee touched his. In all these instances, JM was keeping up the facade. Smiling and interacting like his normal slytherin/ honorary hufflepuff self but his instinctual reactions is what gave him away. In my opinion.

To me that is a pattern of behavior on JM's part. When he is angry or mad st someone- he avoids them. And it's harder if he has to be within the same space with such person.... I'll circle back to this.

All the times since 2015 when he's been 'mad' at JK he's done just that- Akekeking with everyone else, amplifying his extrovertedness, latching on to his 'clutches' within the group, all the while keeping JK at bay while stealing glances at him to see his reaction at the same time.

And when he notices how that's affecting JK- he literally smirks in satisfaction. Meet evil chim everyone- And I say this with love, he is vindictive as fuck. I mean this is the same person who didnt hesitate to kill Army in a game just for disobeying him- allegedly. Same person who said he would whoop his bandmates except of course for JK and force them to bow at his feet if he was ruler. Did y'all see Tae turning to check JM's reaction when JK made fun of his singing in run? Did you see his passive aggressive reaction to JK after that clowning?

Listen, we all should be scared of Park Jimin. He is sweet and all but fuck with him... I dare you. PJMs are gonna revoke my PJM membership are they not? Oh God! Lol

JK is similar to JM in this regard. He avoids when he is angry or edgy. Try touching him in that state and he is pulling away. He did it with Tae in the Dynamite MV behind scenes where Tae tried to touch him and he pulled away and the whole not wanting to hold hands with Tae at the KBS interview thingy- it actually broke my heart watching that bit. JK. Sigh. Will post and delete the Taekook video I am talking about as soon as I post this- out of respect for their shippers.

JK does the same to JM too sometimes when JM irritates him. Manila and also around On promo when they had that Alex Almanto whatever unit shoot- they were all having fun, there's a cut and suddenly he is pulling away when JM holds him, does the lip thingy, and glares at JM. He turns away to look at Hobi, which I just think he was trying to hide his expression from the camera lol- JM almost burst out into laughter and I nearly peed myself watching that bit- JK can be very petty sometimes. Lmho

He did the same in this controversial photoshoot. He was mad at both JM and Namjoon which explains the part he was dragging his feet when he was walking away from JM. It wasn't because he was waiting for Jimin. He was avoiding Namjoon who was walking ahead of him. In my opinion. And the part he stood with Jin and RM- JM did something hilarious JK giggled a little but turned immediately to Namjoon and when he noticed RM laughing too he stopped laughing. Then he did that thing were he put the fear of God in RM when RM stood close to JM. JK was so angry he forgot his manners when he bumped into Jin in that moment and again, like always. He looked away to avoid the scenery.

Now I don't know what had gone on there but I'm still trying to reconstruct that moment to figure it out. All I know is something went on involving those three and may be Tae too as I have pointed out in previous posts.

JM was mad at JK, JK was mildly mad at JM but heavily mad at RM.

All these things I've mentioned are patterns of behavior that have repeated over the years from my delusional point of view of Jikook's interactions and of their interactions as against the group dynamics.

Circling back to the Be concept clip and JM's mood in there, I gotta ask. Do you think Jimin's mood was as a result of the stress of keeping their relationship a secret in that moment?

It wasn't to me. Even after looking away from JK he went back to looking at JK again. When their eyes met he smiled a little. Whatever was going on with him had nothing to do with JK or their relationship. If it did, he would have been much more hostile than that and frankly JK wouldn't be sat there cheesing the way he was doing in that instance. His butt would have been on fire.

JM seemed- serene and peaceful to me. I actually enjoy him most in his moments of quiet like these.

RM's reaction to that Jikook moment however is an indication of stress to me. He seemed excited, probably wanted to play with his Jiminie but when he noticed JM had looked away his instincts was to check JK's reaction. Not anybody else, JK.

When he noticed JK was smiling at JM he dropped his hands and seemed a bit deflated. That deflation right there is one of the signs of the stress I'm talking about.

RM isn't just the leader he is their friend. Like V his bond with JM suffers from time to time due to our elephant in the room. I am often fascinated by RM and JM's friendship dynamics and would definitely love to have conversation about their dynamics.

I hope this answers your question?

Please keep supporting Jikook. Jikool is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook analysis #kookmin analysis #jikooktheories #kookmintheories #jikook scenarios #Goldy #goldy blogs #goldy ananlysis #goldy theories #jikook fights #bts ships #jikook is real #jikook are in love #jikook ship

[pink-peony-princess]

Who Said Anything About Tact?

Violet's walk had started out like any other. She was a person of habit,very rarely did she break her routine, and so how she came to be by Old Station Bridge,she couldn't be sure. One thing had led to another, she had noticed the way the late afternoon light was hitting the trees just across the small river, the field behind it backlit perfectly. So perfectly that she'd done what she'd so rarely done before and stopped to take a photo.

She'd been warned about the presence of wolves by her mother so many times before, the whole town of Mercy Falls knew about them. There were the Cresent Moon pack, feared amongst wolves, but of zero threat to humans, in fact they were well know to help protect their human neighbours whenever necessary. And then there were the rogues, the mean, vicious, unapologetically violent, wolves that were fixated on taking the town for themselves.

Unfortunately for Violet this was who she came to be in the presence of the day it happened.

She'd taken her photo and had made it no more than 30 metres down the road when she heard the first growl. At first she ignored it, maybe it was a trick of her imagination she thought shaking her head. But she heard it again, this time closer, and she had a weird feeling as though she was being watched.

Before she had time to react, she was hanging just above the ground sharp teeth cutting into her side as she screamed to no effect for the animal to drop her, it shook her the way a dog would shake its prey to kill it, showing no sign of letting her go. She would have sworn she heard a crack of bone, but she couldn't be sure because her whole body felt like one giant punching bag. She called out for help again and again, but it was useless, no one would hear her out here, no one came along here, and for good reason she thought as she let her body go lump, accepting her fate.

Raul and his two betas- one of his brothers Peter and his friend Connor were nearly finished with their evening perimeter run of their lands when they heard it. The unmistakable rumble of growling in the distance. None of the three men recognised the tone, meaning it wasn't one (or several) of their own, which only left one other possibility-rogues.

They listened for a minute before they heard the sound of a woman shouting, begging for help over and over again before just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped.

The three wolves looked at one another before sprinting for the eastern boundary by Old Station Bridge. If there was a human,they were in trouble, there was no way a human could win against one rogue, let alone multiple.

Raul had dealt with his fair share of rogues in his short time as alpha, but nothing would prepare him for what they saw as they came to a stop by the bridge. A pack of 10 wolves were all circling a young brunette woman- from what Raul could see from the glimpses he was catching between the wall of wolves she around the same age as him and his brothers.

He made his way closer, careful not to bring attention to himself or his betas, he wanted the element of surprise.

He was just about to attack when the young woman looked up, as if she sensed help had come. What Raul wasn't expecting as the woman held his gaze was how it would make him feel. Initially Raul registered the terror and pain on the woman's face, the extreme helplessness, and then something hit him. It was the weirdest feeling- like warm tingling butterflies flooding Raul's entire body, his wolf- Knight- was restless, anxious really, begging to be let free, and then it happened, it clicked "Mate, mate, mate!" Knight shouted in Raul's head over and over again. There was a moment or two of elation where neither Raul or this unknown human girl moved before Raul was snapped back to reality by yet another growl from one of the rogues as they continued to circle and a small pitiful whimper from the girl.

There was no way he was going to let his mate get hurt he thought to himself as he lunged forward immediately knocking one of the wolves out of the way. Peter and Connor followed suit, just as easily dispensing another two wolves a good 10 metres from where they'd originally been. Though they got straight back up, poised to attack again.

Raul could see the girl clearly now that the circle had been broken and the sight pulled at his chest, though he wouldn't like to admit it.

The woman had a large gash on her temple which was trickling blood down the side of her head, dropping in a small pool on the ground, along with several puncture marks on her abdomen, which judging by the blood that had saturated her white shirt were deep, not to mention what looked like a very broken right wrist and scrapes covering just about every visible part of her body.

He could feel the anger rising him at what these low lives had done to the girl- his mate! His! Noone else's! And before he could think he was shifting ripping a pair of pants out of the nearest tree (thank the Lord the whole perimeter of their lands had stashes of clothes) and was running over to her.

A deep gutteral growl left his lips, stopping everyone in their tracks.

Even Peter and Connor stopped, they all knew what that growl meant, it was the possessive growl of a mated wolf warning everyone and everything in it's way to stay away- or else.

The girl flinched as Raul continued to growl as the rogues slowly backed up,clearing a path for him to get to her.

"Don't touch me," she begged, eyes wide with fear as she tried to shuffle backwards away from Raul as he bent down in front of her.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Raul spoke gruffly. "I'm trying to help you stop fighting me!" he grumbled, swinging her up into his arms effortlessly as she tried to push against him.

The way she sobbed as he moved her pulled at his heartstrings he had to admit, but right now he had a mission, get her to Shawn his other identical brother and one of the pack doctors before she past out or bled out.

"Let me go." she smacked his chest weakly,making absolutely no impact. Infact Raul barely felt it.

"Stop fighting me!" Raul snapped, feeling frustrated as he ran as fast as his legs would take him in the direction of home.

"I don't even know you! I want to go home!" the girl continued to struggle despite her injuries.

Peter who had been running behind Raul with Connor (both of whom must have shifted without Raul even realising) spoke up.

"Raul, look at her, she's terrified and in pain." Raul could tell without even looking at him that he felt bad for her, he was always such a softie, whereas Raul would rather be tactless and keep his mate alive than worry about being a gentleman.

Raul halted causing Peter to crash into him mid-step.

"Look Peter, I can either do as she asks, or I can save her life, which do you think I'm gonna choose?" he asked pointedly, glaring at his younger brother. He should know what was at stake here, afterall he'd found his mate Betty 6 months before and was absolutely besotted.

"I'm not saying you're not doing the right thing." Peter tried to backpedal. "Just maybe be a little nicer, a little more understanding, think about how you'd feel if you were in her position. She's human. Attacked by rogues and then some strange guy who also happens to be a wolf comes and picks you up and snaps at you when you try to defend yourself as you would."

"I'm trying to help her," Raul snapped again, glaring still.

"I know you are," Peter smiled sympathetically, "all I'm saying is maybe watch your tone."

"I'm sorry," he sighed, looking down at the crying girl in his arms. "My name's Raul, I know you're scared but if you don't let me help you won't be alive to go home," he explained impatiently, still walking.

"But you're a wolf. Why would you help me?" The confusion in her voice genuinely surprised him.

"Not all of us are big bad wolves," he answered, not disclosing the real reason. She was quiet for a minute except for the occasional hiss from pain.

"You are." she looked up at him waiting for a response, but Raul was so shocked that all he could do was laugh.

"You might be right you know."

...

By the time they made it to the pack house the girl, his mate had become lethargic and non- talkative. Raul wouldn't let it show, but he was really starting to panic. When he'd thought so many times before about the possibility of meeting his mate, this was so not what he'd imagined. But here he was carrying a half- limp woman with potentially life-threatening injuries through his house with everyone they came across giving him the same look of shock and confusion.

Peter and Connor had disappeared to put a search party together to deal with the rogues in question. Raul had really been quite forgiving of them over the two years he'd been in charge, but this, this was too far, this he would not forgive, he'd hunt them for the rest of his days if that's what it took to get revenge.

He would never forgive them for what they'd done to his mate. Never.

He made his way up the stairs that led to the pack hospital quicky- it had been decided when he became alpha that a whole floor of the pack house (it was a mansion really if you took the size into account) would be turned into something of a hospital. Not only was it more convenient for everyone in the pack house- rather than going to a GP or hospital they could simply walk upstairs and be seen by a doctor nearly straight away, but it was practical for all the times when werewolves would come home injured from fights or assignments and need immediate medical care. As this woman did now. When Raul reached the top of the stairs and rounded the corner to the door of the hospital he was met with a wall of people and even more curious eyes. Everyone seemed shocked to see their alpha- usually so tough and strong carrying a semi conscious woman as though she might break at any moment.

"Out of the way, fucking move!" he yelled, causing her to whimper as the sound sent shock waves through her skull. Everyone scurried, heads down not game to look their alpha in the eye. They knew just from his stance, let alone his tone that he wasn't kidding around.

"Shawn get your arse in here!" he called as he pushed his way through another door and into the consultation area.

He made his way over to a bed, putting her down as gently as he could, but she still gave a whine of discomfort.

Whether in a half-delirious state or simply trying to distance herself from him, she made a move to try and get off the bed almost immediately but he stopped her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Stay," he spoke, a little too harshly, instantly regretting it when he saw her bottom lip quiver slightly. "Sorry," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Who's this?" Shawn asked walking through the door a moment later, he looked between Raul and the young woman on the bed. Up close Raul could see just how pretty she was, chocolate brown eyes and a few freckles here and there. She was perfect he thought.

"Took you long enough," Raul grouched "She's my mate," he spoke quickly, watching as both Shawn and the woman's eyes went wide. Shawn was the first to recover, nodding and waiting for his brother to go on as though he hadn't just mentioned something totally life changing.

"She was attacked by rogues. I'm going to fucking kill them!" he fumed pacing the area.

...

As soon as Violet heard the word 'mate' she began to freak out, her breathing became laboured. She couldn't help but claw at her throat in a desperate attempt to get air. She couldn't have this jerk as a mate, she couldn't leave her home to live with a pack of wolves, she wouldn't.

Shawn rushed over grabbing an oxygen mask and gently placing it on her face.

"That's it, nice slow breathes, you're okay," he encouraged as Raul looked on helplessly.

"Raul, get outside, cool off, you're terrifying her. Look at her," he spoke not bothering to look at his brother, still trying to coax Violet into a semi-normal breathing pattern.

Ordinarily, Raul would have kicked Shawn's arse from here to Mars for talking to him like that, but when he turned to face his mate and saw the tears of fright rolling down her face, the way she clung to his brother's hand, he was brought back to the present. Of course he could be hot-headed and he had a reputation to uphold, but that didn't mean he wanted his mate to be scared of him. Hell that was the last thing he wanted.

"Sorry," he muttered, pushing past Shawn and walking out the door.

They heard a crash of what sounded like a vase, causing Violet to jump again.

"Sorry about him," Shawn apologised. "I promise, he's really not that bad, he's a big softie really, he just gets protective of his loved ones and doesn't necessarily deal with the emotion the best way. I'm Shawn by the way," he smiled.

"V-violet," She looked at him still unsure.

"Can I have a look at your injuries?" he asked.

"Y-yeah," she answered.

He smiled before carefully assessing the surface injuries. Violet was relieved to hear that the bite wounds although nasty weren't life-threatening and would heal 'just fine' although he did get Violet to hold a piece of gauze over the area while he went about setting her up with different what felt like a 100 different leads so he could track her vitals.

"I'm just going to get you hooked up to a few monitors okay. They won't hurt, they're just so I can keep track of your heart rate and oxygen levels, things like that okay?"

She nodded, and Shawn went about making sure the slightly insane amount of leads were properly attached, before coming back over to the bed and pulling a penlight from his breast pocket.

"Looks like you gave yourself a nasty whack here," he commented, trying to be a bit more casual about it to put her at ease.

"Follow my finger," he asked as he turned the light on and shone it towards Violet, immediately making her want to recoil. "Do you remember what day it is?" he asked with a small frown, as he pocketed the light once again.

"Saturday?" she answered feeling very unsure.

"Yeah it is," Shawn smiled sympathetically at her obvious confusion and fear.

Things were quiet for a while except for the rhythmic beeping of the machines attached to Violet which were starting to lull her into sleep

"Knock, knock?" someone tapped at the door gently startling Violet, before a man who looked almost exactly the same as Shawn, except with shorter hair poked his head into the room." Hey, I just came to see how you were? The others just left to track the wolves that attacked you and Raul's downstairs sulking," he smiled as he stepped into the room, dodging Shawn who was now busy getting supplies out to deal with the nasty and numerous wounds covering Violet's body. "I'm Peter," he held out a hand.

She smiled,holding out her left non- injured hand, "Violet."

Shawn walked back over to the bed carrying a load of medical supplies which he placed on the bed beside Violet, it made her feel a bit sick thinking about it, there were bottles of disinfectant, scissors,wipes, packets of what looked like needles and tubing, sheets of protective paper and gloves.

"Try not to focus on what I'm doing, why don't you talk to Peter while I work?" he suggested, kicking a rolling stool in Peter's direction which he sat on before following suit on his own one. "I need to start an I.V. with some antibiotics okay?" he added, before picking up a packet from the bed and ripping it open.

Violet stiffened as what Shawn had said sunk in, an I.V. meant, a needle and Violet was no good with needles, the last time she had to have one she fainted in the reception area of her doctor's.

"It's okay," Shawn tried to calm her, but he could tell that she was only becoming more and more uptight.

"Hold Peter's hand if you want," Shawn suggested seeing the tears pooling in her eyes.

She took Peter's hand immediately in her good one and Shawn went about positioning her arm for the I.V., wiping her arm before lining the needle up and looking up at her. "Sharp scratch," he warned before inserting the needle quickly, but carefully.

She jumped slightly, and gave a small whimper, but overall, she thought, it wasn't too bad.

"There all done," Shawn smiled, getting up to discard the waste into a special bin. "How's your pain? I'm going to give you a local anesthetic when I clean your abdomen and head up, but I can give you a dose of pain relief if you need it," he offered.

"Please," she nodded, a few tears falling down her face.

Shawn nodded again going to get the pain relief when there was another knock on the door, this one was harder than when Peter had knocked to come in. The door opened and Raul came in, not waiting to be invited. Violet noticed straight away how much calmer he looked.

They stared at each other for a moment, before Shawn walked back into the room, stopping when he saw Rau in the doorway.

"You can come in if you're calm enough," Shawn invited him, promoting Raul to step fully into the room and close the door behind him.

"Raul, this is Violet."

Raul smiled a really genuine smile and Violet couldn't help but notice, now that he wasn't being a totally arse, just how handsome he was, how handsome all three of them were- Raul, Shawn and Peter. They were all well built, and extremely tall- towering over Violet's 5'2" frame, with curly brown hair and brown eyes. Raul was by far the most well built and intimidating with a sleeve of tattoos covering his arm and right hand as few scattered on his neck. Up close Violet could see the lip and ear piercings that only added to the tough almost gothic look. The smile on his face a stark contrast to the rest of his appearance.

...

Raul made his way over to the bed slowly, carefully, the last thing he wanted to do was scare Violet anymore than he already had. He wanted to show her the softer side of him, the side that would do anything for his mate, the side that was fiercely protective and loyal. Not the arsehole he showed her when they first met.

Peter stood up and smiled before leaving the room, the rolling stool now vacant. Raul took the opportunity to sit down, still looking at this young woman in awe.

"I'm sorry I was an arse to you," he apologised, looking down at his hands.

Violet didn't say anything, but when Raul looked up, she nodded softly signalling she'd heard him.

"Violet I'm going to start stitching your head up now okay?" Shawn interrupted their little moment.

Raul could see the panic on Violet's face as Shawn spoke and wanted so badly to comfort her, but he wasn't sure how. He felt so much pity and protectiveness at his tiny mate laying helplessly on the bed as Shawn tended to her injuries.

...

"Can I, can I hold your hand?" The softness and tentiveness of the question was so unlike Raul that both Violet and Shawn stopped, stunned momentarily. As much as Violet wanted to say no, just to prove a point that you don't get to be a complete jerk and then backflip and suddenly everything was okay again, she had to admit that an odd sense of calm had washed over her since Raul had entered the room.

She nodded again and he immediately took her hand carefully, sending shockwaves of tingles up both of their bodies. She looked at him panicked, but he just smiled reassuringly, before speaking, "It's the mate connection," he murmured, squeezing her hand gently. It felt odd to be holding someone's hand that she'd barely met and that had been so cold to her previously and yet, it felt so right.

Her thought train was interrupted by a sharp prick and then an intense stinging started on she forehead, before Shawn was pulling up her top revealing the wounds that she'd been holding pressure on. "Deep breath," Shawn warned this time before yet another prick and more stinging, the process was repeating a further two times before he discarded the needle.

"Oww, it's stinging," she whimpered.

"Shawn why'd you have to hurt her!" Raul half growled, though it was nothing on what he'd been like earlier.

"I'm not trying to, I promise, unfortunately it can be a side effect of the anesthetic. It shouldn't last long."

After she was stitched up,and her broken wrist x-rayed and plastered the two men left her to have a moment alone while they spoke outside.

"How bad?" Raul asked folding his arms.

Shawn sighed, "She's badly banged up. She'll need to be on I.V.for at least 24 hours."

"I want her in my room," Raul demanded immediately.

"Did you hear what I said?" Shawn asked.

"Did you hear what I said?" He counted harshly.

"Fine," Shawn sighed. "'I'll set her up in your room. If she agrees."

Raul nodded, a smirk on his face. They both knew he'd won the battle and there was nothing Shawn could do about it.

By the way, what were you thinking, just picking her up and bringing her here before actually talking to her?" he shook his head. "She was terrified." Raul who could hear the disapproval in Shawn's voice didn't take lightly to being spoken to by one of his pack, let alone his own brother.

"One don't talk to me like that, ever again,I might be your brother, but I'm also your Alpha and two I'm sorry, but if I hadn't have done what I did, she would be dead. Maybe that makes me harsh or whatever but I'd rather save my mate and the future luna of our pack than worry about pleasentries."

Shawn wanted to say more, but knew better than to push Raul so he simply said "I'll talk to her about staying with you, stay here." Before he left,not waiting for his reply.

...

As Shawn had expected as soon as he mentioned the idea of being in Raul's room, she shot him down pointing out that while he'd been nice to her in the last 30 minutes or so, he'd been a total jerk previously and she didn't want to be stuck with thst.

"I know he wasn't the nicest to you," Shawn agreed, "But I promise he means well, he was stressed and frustrated. He's your mate, it's his job to love and protect you and trust me he will do anything to honour that, even if it means being a bit harsh sometimes. Plus being around him will help you heal quicker, it's something that your body will recognise subconsciously, even for you as a human. It's one of our weird werewolf things. Please," he put his hands together practically begging.

"Fine," she conceeded, but if he's even the slightest bit rude I'm outta there,"

"Deal."

Half an hour later and Violet was situated in the most comfortable bed she'd ever laid in, the smell of Raul (a mixture of Sandalwood and Musk) filling her senses. She had to admit it calmed her, despite her wariness towards him.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked leaning against the doorway arms folding a smile once again gracing his face, making him look so much less scary. She jumped slightly holding a hand to her chest.

"I'm sorry I scared you," he apologised and something in the way he said it told her he wasn't just apologising for now.

"S'okay," she yawned, "but you have zero tact you know," she laughed as he frowned.

"I'm Raul Mendes, alpha of the largest pack in Canada,I can be mean, I can be ruthless,I also protect the ones I love with everything I have. But who said anything about tact? Cause it definitely wasn't me," he laughed, coming over to sit on the bed next to her, careful not to invade her space. As Violet drifted into a dream-state she could have sworn she heard him say "Sleep well, little mate," but of course when she questioned him on it the next day Raul would deny it till he was blue, well red in the face- with embarrassment that is. Maybe he wasn't such a big bad wolf afterall Violet thought.

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