#I'm hyperfixating on all the wrong things today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leohamatoblog · 29 days

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What They Text You: Applies to any...cause they're all a bunch of dorky teens and i dont care what anyone says.

Leo:

• look at my new plant

• would you like to have tea tomorrow?

• you look so pretty 😍 leo you cant see me and? i bet you do

• am i really an old man???? 😭😭😭

• be honest, do you think raph can beat me in an arm wrestle? if you dont answer in 5 minutes, i will assume it's yes and i will prove you wrong.

• good morning honey. have a wonderful day today! ❤️

• are you still mad at me...? LEO YOU SET MY MICROWAVE ON FIRE. so is that a yes?

• have you eaten yet? you need to eat...and drink something other than (your favorite drink)

• i got benched because i can't stop throwing up. i'm fine! leo...you threw up blood literally 10 minutes ago. it was only a little 🙄

• i'm in desperate need of a kiss right now.

• check out my new katanas

• remember that i love you 🥰🥰❤️

• for the last time, i wont download tik tok. you know how bad i hyperfixate 😠

• stop playing candy crush and pay attention to me

• keep it up and you won't get the knots worked out of your shoulders.

• mikey just called me a boomer...i feel like i should be offended. you are a boomer. I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

• y/n, i love you, but for the love of god, PLEASE PICK UP YOUR SOCKS.

• *drunk* im in a relationship why do i have your name as my love cause my girl/boyfriend/partner will definitely not like that and i dont know who you are but they will kick your ass and i dont even feel sorry cause you arent love leo...you're drunk. NO IM TAKEN

• call me cause i would like to hear about your day and i miss you

• i love you my love ❤️

Raph:

• come watch me bench im bored

• can you please come get mikey before i hit him?

• wear that giant sweatshirt to our date. ya look adorable in it

• why did you ask donnie to help you with your homework?? um...cause it's about neurons and receptors in the brain. i could've helped with google! 😒

• YOU NEED TO COME KILL THIS COCKROACH RIGHT NOW.

• hey babe. how was your day? ❤️

• have i ever told you how beautiful you are? what did you do. nothing...? i just think you're beautiful. raphael. fine..i broke casey's nose. AGAIN!?!

• i'm so tired...wanna come nap with me?

• facetime me so i can show you this cool trick spike can do

• remember how i said i was going to be more level headed? well donnie's new robot almost broke my arm and it's no more. you lasted 1 day more than the last time.

• *you sent a selfie* yeahhhh that's my baby 😍😍

• eat or im fighting you.

• jokes on you ive always been completely unhinged and it's bold of you to think i cant be worse.

• im sick. can you bring me some soup? 😣

• i miss you like a lot and i hate when you're gone

• i love you a whole lot 😘

• im just gonna start carrying you everywhere if you dont stop tripping over NOTHING. im just gonna trip harder. Y/N NO.

• mikey said we're his parents just an fyi. he's always been my son

• i made waffles. you better come eat some

• damn babe you're fine 🤤

Donnie:

• no i wont do your homework for you

• tell shelldon to stop talking back to me before i ground him for eternity

• im in a house of IDIOTS. technically it's a lair. not now y/n.

• you look like a pile of swans in that sweater 🥰

• i can't sleep. wanna play online scrabble?

• sweetie you need to eat more than a bag of gummy worms and a bag of doritos

• you need to come sit with me while i work because i need an extra set of eyes. you just miss me 😏 don't start.

• don't call a plumber! i know how to fix the sink. i got this 😎 donnie the pipe exploded the last time you "had" this.

• *you sent a selfie* you look nice

• im gonna blow up. a person, a thing, a place, all of the above? yes.

• you need to drink straight broth, it'll help soothe your stomach ache

• im dying. you have a cold.

• i love you but please stop trying to assemble ikea furniture on your own.

• good luck on your exams/work project! 😘

• TELL RAPH TO STOP PICKING ME UP TO MOVE ME.

• leo just called me an asparagus. i didn't know how to respond so his phone will self destuct in 5 minutes. DONNIE.

• you're so pretty 🥺

• i made you something and you have to come get it right now. im literally about to have my wisdom teeth out. reschedule it

• listen to the playlist i made you or else im disabling your pirated tv show service

• thanks for listening to me 💜

Mikey:

• babe come snuggle with me

• i made you brownies so come eat them with me while we watch crognard

• i haven't seen you in so long 😭 you saw me this morning. BUT THAT WAS HOURS AGO

• angelcakessssss i love you

• look at this cat video i found

• FACETIME ME THERES A PUPPY

• are you awake? mikey it's 3 am. good, so would you still love me if i was a worm? go to sleep.

• i bet you look like a cuddly bear today 🥰

• im so hungry. can you bring me ice cream?

• raph wont stop being mean to me. can you beat him up? cause a (your height) tall human can beat a 6ft turtle's ass 😑 i believe in you.

• im coming over with my new call of duty game and we're having a game a thon!

• i found a cat. mikey no. his name is gerald. MIKEY WE ALREADY HAVE 10 OF THEM. HALF ARE NAMED GERALD.

• i made you a mixtape i cant wait for you to hear it

• how mad would you be if i crashed the shell razor in a derby and broke my arm? very. then i did not do that.

• im sick. come help me feel better 😭

• call me cause april just told me something about casey that's wild

• i found this cool rock that i think you'll like

• it's so cool i can date you. you're for real the coolest. you broke my coffee table again didn't you? no...maybe.

• im bringing you lunch cause my baby needs to eat!

• this song reminds me of you 💕

#rise of the tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt ask blog #tmnt bayverse #tmnt donatello #tmnt leonardo #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt raphael #ask blog #tmnt 2003 #tmnt headcanons

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wontontrap · 4 months

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Feast for Kings | Prelude

【 The origins of cuck!Eddie and corruption!kink reader explored

【 Part I | Part II

【 Gareth spies on Eddie roughly fucking you before being invited to join in on Master's fun

【 18+

【 Content warnings: cuck!Eddie, reader has corruption kink, reader is unsure of her roles, face fucking, intimidation, rough sex, heavy mentions of bodily fluids, protected/unprotected sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism, spanking, name calling, degradation, mean!Eddie, bully!Eddie, ownership kink (if you squint), threesome (duh), reader and Eddie are in a relationship

Eddie had called you just as the school was letting out. Something about a slashed tire on the van. There were people who still thought of him in a certain light, and it wasn't unusual that he'd run into problems with a random townie every once in a while. You left work early and headed to Hawkins High feeling annoyed but excited to see him 2 hours earlier than you would've had you finished your work day.

Graduating had been both liberating and disarming for Eddie, and lately he worked on a peaceful transition of power within the Hellfire Club. The throne would pass to Gareth. Gareth who was freshly 18 with his whole senior year ahead of him. Gareth who was exceptionally smart and painfully sweet. You loved Eddie and you loved his passions and his brazen pageantry, but with Gareth at the helm the club might actually grow and thrive and serve a purpose for young kids. An actual school club and not the mythical mafia Eddie ran for almost 6 years.

You pulled into the parking lot next to Eddie's van, and walking around to assess the damages, you see none. You roll your eyes to yourself, starting your walk to the side doors. You make it to the club room after a short stroll through the hallways.

"Eddie?" you call into the dark, empty room.

The candles are lit although the game's landscape isn't setup.

"The queen has arrived," you hear his low voice.

"Eddie, there's nothing wrong with the van. Why did you make me leave work? I'm on thin ice after calling out for the entire weekend last month," you meekly tell him.

"And what a fun weekend that was, sweetheart." he replies. "I just missed you, is all. Wanted you."

"Eddie not here, okay? Let's just go home and we can-"

"After today," he cuts you off, "I'm going to try very hard not to step foot in here ever again. But, one last time, I'd like to have my queen in the throne room."

As of late, you and Eddie had been having semi-public sex a lot. Every so often he'd get these sexual hyperfixations, and you had always partaken in the joy of the acts with him without issue. You seemed to always like the same things and as for the public component, the threat of getting caught was very exciting to you. Sometimes you did get caught and it was even more exhilarating. So you say yes.

"Just be quick, okay?" You whine, wishing he'd take you home and break the bed with you instead.

"I can promise you anything but that," he says.

He closes the gap between you and presses his lips to yours, gentle pecks at first, just saying hello after your day away from him. Your kisses grow deeper as he tightens his hold on you, his other hand fisting into your hair. You pull away with his bottom lip in your teeth, a bold move on your part, but then again you were celebrating.

"Fuck." He breathes.

He drops to his knees, unbuttoning your tight jeans. He pulls them down your legs and you step out of them. He drapes them nicely on a nearby chair, always the gentleman. He presses his face to your clothed cunt, breathing in your scent.

"Eddie," you interrupt him, "Hurry up we don't have time for-"

You regretted the words as you were saying them. He stands towering over you now, and before you could blink you were face down on the table listening to the sound of his belt unbuckle.

"Throne or not, I'm still your king," he says, "And you'll be an obedient queen or else-"

The leather of his belt cracks against your ass. You whine.

"I'm sorry," you blurt out. "I'm sorry my king. Please, use me however you like."

The game had started. You tried to maintain your momentary position of power but you betrayed yourself with the poor suggestion to hurry his fun along.

With his belt tossed aside, you feel your panties slowly being dragged down your ass. You step out of them and he immediately pockets them before spreading your cheeks and spitting onto your pussy.

He delves two fingers into you and you pulse around them, already wet from just kissing him, the touch of the leather the cherry on top. You whine.

"Shhhh," he coos. "You can take it, angel. After all, you said to hurry up."

He languidly moves his fingers in and out of your fresh slick, and you rock back on them, sending them deeper into you each time. You reach down to rub sloppy circles into your clit, hiking your leg up to bite your own thigh.

"Jesus Christ," he breathes, stepping back.

"That's so hot, don't stop."

You continue to unabashedly pleasure yourself, pussy clenching around nothing as you abuse your clit. A string of drool trails from your thigh to your puffy lips.

You hear the sound of Eddie's zipper as you continue, and not long after your feel the tip of his cock start to enter you. He holds your leg for you now as he roughly pushes past your folds and all the way into you. You stretch your arm out, gripping the desk you lay on as he ruts into you like an animal. This angle opens you to him in a new way and he bottoms out with each thrust, reaching your depths and jolting your senses with each snap of his hips. You've stopped your assault on your delicate clit and now use your fingers to spread your pussy open further for him. His cock brushes past your fingers as you watch him fuck into your gaping hole.

"You're so fucking perfect" he breaths, "I can't believe I get to ruin this pussy whenever I want."

You were about to tell him not to stop. To never stop fucking you like this, and that's when you see him. Widened eyes and flushed cheeks, shadowed by the large cabinet he hides behind. It's Gareth. You can see his heavy breathing, see him tugging at the bulge in his jeans. Something in you flutters but you know it's wrong.

"Eddie stop!" you cry out.

He immediately stills.

"What? What's wrong?"

You turn to cover yourself, hiding behind him.

"Look," you say, pointing.

"Well, well, fuckin' well," he says. He tucks his angry cock into the band of his boxers, pulling his jeans up and leaving them undone.

He drags Gareth from his hiding spot and forces his face down onto the nearest desk.

"What the fuck are you doing, kid? You creepin' on me and my girl? Trying to see how a real man does it? I can't teach you everything."

You can see in his face that Gareth is terrified despite the boner still growing in his jeans. You have nothing to cover yourself with and quickly attempt to put your jeans back on commando.

"Stop," Eddie says.

You don't stop, you can't. You're fueled by embarrassment.

"I said - stop," Eddie says, voice barely a whisper.

Eddie had taken his new fixation to an even newer high just weeks before. It was a full moon at the lake, his favorite time and place to fuck you outdoors. He was balls deep in you with the back doors to the van wide open, overlooking the water, when a youngish man about 30 came strolling through in jogging gear. He had stopped to rest just across a shallow expanse of stream. He could see everything, but couldn't get to the van without crossing at least a waist length of shallow water. He was surprised to say the least, to see you with your dress around your waist, Eddie's bicep around your neck. Eddie continued to give it to you hard from behind. Your makeup was already running from him having throat fucked you minutes before. You pouted and put on a show for the man as Eddie whispered in your ear, "Such a whore, such a good little whore for me." You hadn't known what came over you, but you had laughed, licking your lips as the man jerked his cock hard with his pants around his ankles.

You stopped. And stood there. Stood there with your intimacy exposed and your barely there tank top, straps of your lace bra fallen down your shoulders.

"Stay." He told Gareth.

And he did. Kept his face pressed firmly against the desk as Eddie pulled you aside.

You were incredibly embarrassed and he held your face in his hands.

"Hey, sweetheart," he began, "it's alright."

He continued. "He's just a curious kid," I'm gonna put him in his place and we'll get on home, yeah?"

"Okay," you said, glancing over at him. You lingered.

"What is it?" He asked.

"He's just so innocent," you blurt out, "You're right, he's just curious," you continue, musing.

You cock your head to the side, feeling less embarrassed now as a myriad of unclean thoughts run through your head. Only a few feet away Gareth's eyes are screwed shut, face still down on the desk, and a bulge still prominent in his jeans. Eddie grabs your face again, turning your eyes to his.

"What do you say we give him a show, huh?"

You mindlessly nod yes.

"Maybe even give him a little gift, hmm?" He proposes.

Your eyes widen.

"Me?" You ask, loudly than you meant to, "I'm the gift?"

"If you're okay with that," Eddie says, "If not I'll just blow my load in you in front of the kid and scare the shit out of him," he chuckles.

"I guess I-" you began, "I guess I'd be okay with that if you are. The thought of-," you stutter, "The thought of corrupting him is exciting," you admit. "But, I didn't think you'd ever want to see me with anyone else. Wouldn't that make you angry? And-" you pause, "Would I not be yours anymore?"

Eddie's eyes darken as he listens to you. "He'll wear a rubber. And I'll watch him squirm as he fucks you while you swallow my cum like a good whore. It's about power, sweetheart. I want him to know how perfect you are - with limits. He can have a taste, but he'll never have the whole cake. My pleasure is your worship. But your pleasure belongs to me."

He roughly grabs you by the chin.

"You'll milk him dry while he squeals and moans like the little bitch boy he is. Meanwhile, I spit roast you with my cock down your little throat before finishing you off the way you want it most," he whispers.

You're panting now, new arousal coating your thighs as Eddie drags you by the chin to the desk in front of where Gareth lies. He bends you over, spreading your legs, your pussy on full display.

He grabs Gareth by his bushy head of hair, the boy's eyes now looking directly at your tight hole.

"How's about a coronation gift?" he says, laughing.

Gareth shakes his head, trying to avoid looking at you.

"Boss I could never!" He shouts.

"Oh but you will," Eddie replies, "You wouldn't wanna disrespect me, would you kiddo? If you're going to be me, you have to practice being me in all respects."

They're both staring at you now, at your most intimate parts. You can feel Gareth's huffed breaths on your bare pussy and you gently moan.

"Is this-," Gareth begins, "Is this real? Is this really happening?"

"Gare Bear," Eddie begins, a sickly sweet tone to his voice. "If you can fuck my girl proper, I'll know you're ready to take the helm."

Eddie hoists him up by the collar before reaching into his pocket to fish out his wallet. He files through the compartments before pulling out a foil wrapped condom. You and he had stopped using them ages ago.

"The Lone Ranger!" Eddie exclaims. He hands it to Gareth.

"Know what to do with this, kid?" He asks.

"I think so," he says, shyly.

"Have you ever-" Eddie began to ask.

"Once", said Gareth. "At summer camp. But she wasn't-, I mean she-"

"Wasn't like my girl," Eddie finishes. "No one is like my girl. That's why she deserves to be appreciated like the fine art that she is."

He slaps your ass hard and your body jerks. Gareth's breath hitches and Eddie laughs.

"Go ahead, Gare Bear, she's waiting."

"This isn't a joke, right? You're not gonna kick my ass for thinking this was real? This is really real, Ed?"

"What's my name, Gareth?"

"Master." He answers immediately.

"And it will be until you show your worth." Eddie replies, a demanding tone to his voice.

Gareth struggles with the condom application for a minute, getting harder during as he stares at your pussy instead of focusing on the task at hand. Finally the condom is on to Eddie's standards and he directs you onto the table on all fours.

Eddie unleashes his monster cock again, making Gareth blush, and positions his tip at your pout. You feel the tip of Gareth at your entrance and shiver. Eddie enters you first, pushing into your mouth and to the back of your tongue. Gareth follows suit, entering you carefully.

It doesn't take long before Eddie is setting his usual pace of brutally fucking your face, hair twisted around his fist and other hand resting on your throat to feel himself inside it.

Gareth's thrusts get harder as he stares at the way Eddie's cock slides in and out of your sloppy mouth. Tears run from your eyes, spit from your chin. Eddie reaches down to pull the neck of your top down, freeing your tits.

"Fuck yes," he says, watching them bounce as they continue to fuck you in tandem.

"Look at you," Eddie says, "Doing so well for us."

He could be talking about either one of you at this point.

"That's it, kid," Eddie praises, "Stretch her back out for me."

"Yeah boss, Gareth replies, voice lost between breaths. "Stretch her back out for you."

You whine around Eddie's cock, and clench around Gareth's. Their words helping to keep you turned on.

"I think she likes you, kid." Eddie laughs.

Gareth's thrusts become erratic and not long after his whole body stutters as he spills into the condom. He stays inside of you shaking, gripping your hips hard. Eddie bottoms out in the back of your throat as you struggle to breathe through your nose. He pulls out of your mouth, a gag trailing him, cock covered in a thick layer of your saliva. Gareth pulls out of you, rushing to right himself.

"I promised her a load down the throat," Eddie says. "You couldn't have lasted another minute?" He snaps at Gareth.

Still shaking, Gareth knows no other solution than to bolt from the room. You hear his footfalls down the hall. Eddie laughs and laughs as you clamber down from the hard desk.

"Eddie you scared him half to death!" You exclaim.

"Right now," Eddie says, crowding you, "I couldn't care less."

He picks you up and you both crash onto the dungeon master's throne. He lifts your hips slightly, dropping you onto his hard cock. You cry out for him and as he squeezes you ass cheeks hard, grinding you on him. Your legs are weak and you can barely ride him, so he continues to use you like a toy by switching between fucking up into you hard and rolling your hips on him. Your stomach starts to tighten and your bottom lip quivers as your whimpers grow louder. Finally his tip kisses that wall deep inside you and you blow, gushing onto his lap. You violently milk him, his cum shooting into you in thick ropes. You rest your head on his chest, breathing heavily. He runs his fingers through your hair, caressing your face and coming down from his own high. You stay seated on him for some minutes, hearing the clock softly tick and the sound of the squeaky wheels on the janitor's mop bucket make their way down the hall.

The door opens and you hear the gravely voice of the aged janitor, "Damnit, Munson! What in the sam hell is goin' on in here?"

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #gareth emerson #gareth emerson x reader #gareth emerson x you #rough smut #smut #gareth emerson smut #ffk #wontontrap #wontonamo bae #steddie #steddie smut #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things smut

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panandinpain0 · 8 months

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Could you write another Jasper Hale x ftm reader

Something angsty but it ends with fluff. For example: a bad dysphoria day?

YOU ARE DOING A REALLY GOOD JOB WITH YOUR STORIES!!!

Ruined

Honestly thank you so much for this <3

I've been really insecure about the quality of my writing lately so this makes me feel a lot better

Also, my current/longtime hyperfixation is showing (Star Wars)

@@@

Requested by: Anon

Jasper Hale x Trans!Male!Reader

---

God no, not today. Any day but today- (Y/N) could not be feeling like this on his one year anniversary with Jasper.

He knew Jasper wouldn't mind, he'd take good care of him until he was feeling better, or keep him company while he was feeling down. (Y/N) did the same for him if he was having a bad day or was feeling particularly insecure or guilty due to his past.

But Jasper had planned the most adorable picnic and (Y/N) knew he'd been spending a lot of time on his gift, but he wouldn't give away what it was. (Y/N) had made Jasper a quilt out of random materials, some bought from the fabric store and others being T-Shirts of their shared favorite band, or other things that meant a lot to them.

Everything had to be perfect, but as he brushed his teeth (Y/N) caught his reflection and knew it wasn't going to be.

Splashing his face with water, (Y/N) tried not to get visibly upset. Jasper could always tell how he was feeling, due to his powers, but also just from the way he looked. He tried to not be invasive with his powers, so he'd gotten good at being visually observant.

Taking in deep breaths, face dripping from the water, (Y/N) caught his reflection again.

And then he was crying.

Jasper was meant to be here any minute, and the second he got out of his car he would be able to hear the muffled sobs coming from the second floor bathroom- hell, maybe even sooner than that.

Not even a full minute had (Y/N) been crying before he heard gentle knocks on the bathroom door.

"(Y/N)? I let myself in, are you okay?" Jasper asked worriedly through the door. (Y/N) had given him a key to his house a couple of months ago- not that he needed one to get in, but as a symbol of his trust.

Sniffling and wiping under his eye, (Y/N) nodded, even if Jasper couldn't see him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." But his voice came out warbled, still thick with tears.

"Not to tell you how you feel, but you don't sound fine. Can I come in, so we can talk?"

(Y/N)'s breathing picked up again and he let out a quiet "yes"- so quiet that it wouldn't have been audible if not for Jasper's enhanced hearing.

Jasper crouched down in front of (Y/N)'s shaking form, hands coming to hold his upper arms gently.

"Hey, what's goin' on darlin'?" his accent came out thicker then it usually was, comforting (Y/N), who loved his accent.

"I fucked it up," (Y/N) cried to him, leaning forward to get closer to him. Jasper shifted to the wall next to (Y/N) and hugged him, running a soothing yet cold hand up and down his back.

"What did ya' fuck up?" he asked gently, rocking slowly to sooth the man next to him.

"Our anniversary. It was supposed to be perfect, but I-" he hiccupped- "I'm not feeling good about myself, and I-"

Jasper hummed comfortingly, still gently rocking from side to side.

"Honey, our anniversary isn't ruined, and definitely not by your doin'."

"But you planned all this stuff and our gifts-" (Y/N) stumbled out again, looking into Jasper's eyes with tears in his own.

"And all of that's grand, but any day with you is a perfect day, sweetheart. If our anniversary is spent right here on your bathroom floor while we work through how you're feeling, that's a perfect day in my eyes.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like seein' you upset." He wiped the tears from under (Y/N)'s eyes, that had slowly stopped flowing. "But if I get to hear you talk for hours I would never get tired of it." He cupped (Y/N)'s face.

(Y/N) let out a watery chuckle, his hands coming up to hold Jasper's wrists. "Are you sure? I was so excited for the picnic, but now I don't feel like leaving the house..."

"We have a lifetime to have a picnic, no use in forcing you to be uncomfortable when we could snuggle up in your bed and watch Star Wars?

As for the gifts, we don't have to be on a picnic to give them."

Jasper gently pulled (Y/N) up to stand, holding his hand as he led (Y/N) to his bed. A wrapped box sat on the blanket, seemingly tossed there in the panic to reassure his boyfriend.

"Open it." Jasper nodded to the package with his head.

Wiping some stray tears, (Y/N) sniffled and sat on the edge of the bed, unwrapping the box. Inside was a scrapbook.

(Y/N)'s eyes widened as he looked up at Jasper, who took a seat next to him on the bed.

"Is this what I think it is?" (Y/N) whispered with teary eyes, pulling out the book and opening it to the first page.

"If you think it's a scrapbook then yes," Jasper teased, putting his chin on (Y/N)'s shoulder as they went through it together.

Each page was covered in pictures of the two. Kissing, holding hands, their first date. They laughed at the memories and goofy pictures of them with their friends and family.

It was perfect.

When they reached the end there was a small handwritten note from Jasper.

"One year down, and hopefully many more to go,

Love you my sweet boy,

Jas."

(Y/N) laughed bashfully and turned his head to meet Jasper's lips with a kiss. Jasper's hand came to hold the back of (Y/N)'s head while (Y/N)'s hand cupped his jaw.

As they parted, they smiled at each other.

"This is amazing, Jas. Thank you so much," (Y/N) thanked his boyfriend genuinely.

"Anything for you, darlin'."

"Oh, I've got my gift too!" (Y/N) jumped up, placing his new favorite book in its spot on his bookshelf. Turning to his desk he reached under it and pulled out the folded quilt, a bow wrapped around it.

"You didn't," Jasper mumbled in amazement as he stood up and reached for the blanket. Taking off the bow and unfolding it, he laid it out on the bed and looked at each little detail.

"Do you like it?" (Y/N) asked hesitantly, second guessing everything.

"Do I like it?" Jasper repeated incredulously. "I love it!" He turned and swept (Y/N) into a hug, arms around his shoulders. (Y/N) laughed with relief and wrapped his arms around his waist.

They spent the rest of the day wrapped in Jasper's new quilt, having a Star Wars marathon.

And no, the day wasn't perfect.

But it was beautiful.

---

Yeehaw

-Author Max <3

#fanfiction #x reader #fluff #x he/him reader #x male!reader #twilight #twilight fandom #jasper hale #jasper hale x male!reader #jasper hale x reader #twilight x reader #twilight x male reader #twilight x male!reader #twilight masterlist #twilight fanfiction

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azrielgreen · 4 months

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I feel like no matter how hard I try I can’t get over jealousy and insecurity and constantly comparing myself to other writers in the fandom. It’s either I don’t write enough, or I don’t write fast enough, I don’t write interesting or unique enough. If I get kudos, someone gets more, if I get comments, someone gets more thoughtful comments. It’s like a dark spiral in my brain. Do you have any tips on pushing through despite all the inner turmoil and noise? I’d be very grateful for your help!! 🖤

Hello, love, I'm sorry for the delay in answering. I wanted to give your Ask the proper attention in answering it.

Comparison is the death of joy.

I think jealousy and comparison in fandom is rife and no matter how much positivity and success someone projects, they too have had their dark moments comparing hit counters and kudos. In a fandom of THIS size it's deeply unhealthy, I personally believe, for us all to be so interconnected and visible.

I also believe that writers should write for themselves and the joy of creating something and crafting it, never expressly FOR the outcome of comments/attention but of course, that's becoming the norm now. People write to be popular. I see so many people at this point in the fandom not getting anywhere near the same amount of interactions they were a year ago, so comparisons and jealousy unfortunately become widespread, and equally, cliques begin to form to police the remaining attention as it slowly simmers down.

My tips for pushing through this would be first and foremost, write for yourself. Keep your true passion alive by writing what you fucking LOVE! Writing for other people will only ever go so far because attention wanders, interest fades and hyperfixations dissolve. If you write for yourself first, and share second, then you'll always be true to your inner creator and you'll always have ideas, passions and authentic stories coming alive inside you.

Secondly, and I know how hard this is for people, but stop comparing as much as you can. There will always be someone who has more than you and there are people who have less than you. Writing is art, art is to make people feel things they would not otherwise feel. To provoke humanity and lead us towards self exploration. To give comfort, empathy, guidance, joy, cathartic heartbreak and much more! I think so much of the true meaning of writing has been lost by the imposing domination of social media in fandom. I always recommend people trying to find that spark again, that little flash of magic that reminds you why you started.

And thirdly, this is hardest to hear, I know, but when you feel like this, it's usually a good indication to take a break. When you feel anxious, unhappy or low, you're going the wrong way. Move away from what is causing this, especially if it's anything on the internet - a dangerous and often toxic microcosm with an echo chamber effect.

Writing in real life is a beautiful thing, too.

Write something just for you, don't tell anyone, then orphan it, never read the comments, and move on. Rekindle your passion however you can, romanticise your methods, find new sources of inspiration and above all, please, have fun! and if you're not having fun in fandom - a place intended for fun and fuck all else - then please, take a break, love. Nothing is more important than your mental health.

P.S - also take into a account how MASSIVELY skewed A03 stats are due to longevity/legacy fics. There is ✨NO WAY ON EARTH✨ if I posted YD today it would make it into the top 1000 fics out of 24k and that would be wonderful still, that has always been my experience in the past. No comparison is ever justified or solid and it is truly the death of joy. Write for you, for your friends, and the people who will read it in 10 years time who NEED it. Nothing else matters.

💜💜💜

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mrsnancywheeler · 2 months

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ommggg i read let me down easy today and i kept re-reading it bc its TOO GOOD AHH !!🦅🦅

it hurt so much but im a whore for angst first, and a human second🫶

just thinking about the reader suffering in silence because she feels guilty for having any negative feelings towards finnick :(( the way she dismisses those feelings bc she thinks that whatever she’s going through is nothing compared to what he’s been through :((

also thinking abt finnick’s slow realization that she’s suffering because of him :(( like the incident at the market is when he began to notice the changes :(( and later when he fully understands how his behavior affected her IT MESSES HIM UP SO BAD

i just know he was remembering his past interactions with reader (where she breaks the glass / when she rejected his money at the pearl necklace stand) AND CRINGING …and it only gets worse when reader spills her guts about what she went through. omg ik he was sick.

another #thougjt i had was how this might mess up the reader for a bit after too #idk (that just might be me tho lmaoo) bc i feel like once you’ve been in that cycle of feeling depressed/insecure for so long it’s hard to snap out of, even with constant reassurance 😔

But maybe that’s just my angsty side talking HAHA

but i loved this fic, 11/10🫶

-🦅

omg yes, literally my favorite thing I've ever written. ik I wrote it, but it's the only thing of mine I reread bc it's like the perfect expression of how I feel, like if I could represent myself in one fic it would be that one if that makes any sense. it's like a concept that always haunts my mind no matter what I'm hyperfixating on maybe because I'm just like melancholy like that 🎀🎀🎀

but thank you so much, I'm literally so glad people are enjoying it because it literally is my own roman empire

yes she wants to be angry, she is angry, but refuses to let herself be because his issues are what she needs to prioritize. how can she be angry when he is constantly suffering? even if it's not so slowly tearing her apart, like a piece of paper sitting in water, she's trying to stay connected for the illusion of it all, to be strong for him.

her being loving isn't new to him, so he isn't thrown off by that, only slightly confused by her waking up earlier then usual. so her gifts have little bearing when he's used to it and he really doesn't want to feel loved right now because he's trying to reject whatever will make him seek comfort. when she starts changing her clothes and makeup, it's different, but he's not responsive because she's always been his pretty girl and always will be, her buying new clothes doesn't make him perceive her any differently or wonder if there's a reason, people try out new things.

when he notices how other peoples interactions with her have changed that's when he really starts to notice, if everyone else perceives her as melancholy then something has to be wrong. even if he's not quick to point the finger back to himself. he tries gifts, maybe she wouldn't buy something because she wanted him to do it, some sort of attention, but it's not big enough part of the issue to have any bearing on the effects it's now had on her. the girl rotting depression era shall we say. eventually through that, what people say to him, self-reflection he gains full consciousness of what he's been doing, how he's been hurting the person he loves so much. and the guilt is incomprehendable.

how could he be so selfish? so closed off as not to process all the clear cries for help? thinking about how he was getting annoyed, feeling like she was being moody when she insisted on doing the dishes until the dish broke. how she ran out into the ocean, in the rain without a care to regain some sense of composure, composure to try and make him happy. then the necklace thing, how could he miss her clearly trying just to be with him, be near him, have the interactions with him that he was giving to the girl at the shop instead? he was so unresponsive to the emotional needs he just assumed it to be a material need that he was willing to give. so when she rejects the money it just doesn't compute, to buy it she needs it, and then she tries to send the message that buying something isn't what she's asking for but he misses it completely. he gets snappy and it snaps her.

so when he's finally talking to her, he needs her to tell him the truth, the nuances because he's been so blind to all of it. he needs to know how he hurt her and it really is like a full wake up call. he can't let his own trauma consume him, allowing it to traumatize her in different ways. like when she mentions her getting to the point of just wanting him to want her body if he wouldn't want her because that's how people perceive him, that's what was hurting him, but he inadvertently made her feel that way. it breaks him to think that he did that to her, that he hurt his girl that way. then the idea that she would have let him cheat on her, she would've picked being with him over her own well-being, well she did, and he doesn't deserve that. he can't fathom how he could be with someone who loves him so blindly as to choose being with a ghost of him over not having him at all, when she deserves so much better. when he has been so callous with such a precious kind of love. or the fact that he even made it seem like he had interest in anyone but her.

there will be a fluffy, smutty requested sequel but readers issues afterwards will be lightly touched upon in it. but yes, she would have to spend so much time mending her relationship with herself afterwards. he's totally on hand and knee trying to make it up to her, to prove how much he loves and needs her, to give the attention she deserves. but she's still paranoid about cheating, insecure, scared, even if she tries to mask it. but he knows. he could, and does, spend hours praising her, telling her how pretty she is, how she's the only one, how sorry he is, how much he adores her, but it doesn't stop the nagging voice in the back of her head. she tries to hide it but she's clingier and he's okay with that, she needs him more.

but yes there's lots of long term effects the incident has on there relationship. and they have to try and navigate that together.

thank you pookie, I love your thoughts sm 💋💋💋💋💋💋

#wanda 💋#finnick odair x reader #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair angst #finnick odair x reader fluff #finnick odair x you #🦅 anon

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grievetherat · 3 months

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I feel like rambling a bit about the Beatles; they have been my special interest for a while now but recently I've become especially hyperfixated.

I'm in college right now but my experience goes back to the 2010s when my father brought me trinkets from his trip to Liverpool some of which were Beatles-related. Living in a Eastern European country was a bit of a bleek experience as a child if you grew up being influenced by Western media. Being glued to the family computer or the TV, all I could do was admire the ways decade's leading up the the 21st century was shown in media, times which I was told were the darkest for my family (no electricity, no running water, the looming Soviet Union).

As such I was a yearning middle schooler, jealous of the Western world and their ability to create media that I admired. Don't get me wrong, I have gone back since then to realize even my home country had its charms and memorable breakthroughs in our culture of music or style but for me, as a kid being infatuated with the West, I was jealous of people who had their parents pass down cool records to them because they lived through the times when such music was popular, have access to merchandise or memorabilia, or the ability to visit certain historical places because I was worlds away from them.

As such I became fixated much of my teenagehood on the prospect of "what it could have been" for me, If I had the chance, I was basically a westernboo, I was chronically online most of the 2010s, exploring the emerging internet culture, the online sphere, youtube (because who else would have been the perfect subject to develop a parasocial relationship with British vloggers ahem dan&phil), but I also began to develop taste in music. As such it coincided with my father's visit to Liverpool, which fascinated me, the trinkets he had brought back along with the LOVE album CD, were mesmerizing. I mean I enjoyed my fair share of 2010s pop music, but by the end of that CD listen, needless to say, I became a pretentious prick.

To say I was interested in them is an understatement, I was obsessed; but I couldn't really explore my Beatles obsession with anyone my age so I paraded my hyperfixation to my father (a beatles fan, who took pride in me developing this interest) and the adults in my family, as simply an infatuation with the decades (the 60s-70s) to seem smart and sophisticated. They would praise me for being a history nerd and ask me to tell them fun facts about the Beatles which i pretended to simply comply with, but in reality, I just wanted an excuse to bring up the Beatles. Of course, those fun facts needed reading-up so i consumed as much reading material online (or from the few english history books my school library housed) as I could. I read of their contributions to music, their history, rock n roll, the pre-Beatles, post-breakup, their solo careers, the hippie counterculture everything ( i guess as much as a i could comprehend at them time lol) but most importantly, i read of John's tragic passing as well as the many articles, hypothesizing on 'what it could have been' for the Beatles.

My undiagnosed brain had melted at that one singular possibility.

Truly, in modern internet slang, the alleged/hypothesized Beatles reunion has been my Roman empire since the day I graduated middle school to today simply because I think of it every day at least twice. Eventually middle school obsession had matured into a primary interest, a personality trait, more of a "hello, I'm Nym, and I'm a big fan of the Beatles" and it would automatically tell the type of person I was. Only a few things after the Beatles had the same lasting effect on me (Gravity Falls as an example lol).

It also didn't help that I listen to them and their solo releases on the daily and that they're actually everywhere, being the greatest band in the world, but I think it's only in my tism brain that can't scratch that itch that makes my enjoyment of the Beatles such a surreal experience. Perhaps I could finally put it into words to give middle school me some sort of closure:

There has always been something so devastating to me about John's and George's passings. humans come and they go but for them it was abrupt, cruel; living in the 2020s now, there's something so poignant to me that begs the world why they never got to experience the next century to its full potential.

We knew the Beatles were over in 1980, the tale isn't as obscure as the Roman Empire because it feels like it has only just happened, it's part of modern popculture right? And yet we live in the 3rd decade of the 21st century, completely shifting the perspective to a type of lingering wound from such a long time ago that it never really heals anymore.

At the time, I had told this to my mother, how it bothered me so much. She had assumed I had realized the concept of sudden death and become afraid of it, and to her credit, she had tried her best to help me 'overcome it' as well, but it was never death that bothered me, it was the unfairness, the lack of closure and I guess the bittersweetness that lingers with me every time I turn on a Beatles song.

Being a Beatles fan has been a surreal experience really; I believed this weird, almost para-sociality with the closure that never came that I yearned for so long as a middle schooler would dissipate over time and I could enjoy the Beatles legacy as every other adult had around me, enjoy a fun fact now and then, get a trinket from a trip. I never really achieved that, I'm in college and they still essentially function for me as the fall of the Roman Empire. Especially with the release of Get Back a year or two ago and Now and Then, it's essentially gotten worse. Sometimes I can't bear to think about it anymore and sometimes I can't help but reminisce on what it could have been.

Anyways, I still treasure them in such a weird way, I think it takes a lot for a human tale with all its flaws to be this compellingly tragic and bittersweet to keep up a gen z college student at night over half a century later. Idk

#the beatles #paul mccartney #john lennon #ringo starr #george harrison #get back #60s icons #rambles #dad rock #autistic things #i guess now and then could potentially be that closure that i longed for #but also calling it the last beatles song kinda made my eye twitch #kept me up at night even more #not sure where this came from #peace and love

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 3 months

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Asking as an autistic person who was diagnosed incredibly young (we're talking like Kindergarten here) but have not really fully embraced it, or educated myself on what that really means until recently. I have a couple questions.

1. I'm not trying to be mean when I ask this, I'm just curious. As an autistic person, what makes my interests "special" exactly? Is there some significance I'm missing that makes it different than neurotypical interests. I know there's likely a difference, but I don't know exactly what that difference is.

2. After having read some of your posts on masking, I'm beginning to become increasingly worried that most of the traits I have come to define myself with are just random traits I picked up from people around me that I would use to try to avoid judgement until they kind of just stuck. (My basis for this is that I've noticed I've been picking up and copying mannerisms and phrases other people use even today despite having "defined" myself). Is there a way I can begin to "recover" from masking so to speak? Furthermore is there a reliable way I can identify what traits I had even picked up via masking? I have so many I could retrace back to mimicking other people I'm not really sure I even know who I really was before anymore. But at the same time there's a lot I think I would be able to trace back to masking, but could very well be wrong about. The realization was extremely scary, but I'm hoping there's a way I can at least somewhat bounce back.

Hi there,

Special interests are very intense and can last for years or be lifelong (at least for me). And they’re special because it gives so much joy and happiness. If I wasn’t able to peruse them, it would make me incredible upset. I’ve collected things related to my special interests. Such as Star Wars merchandise and my rock collection. I’ve also remembered numerous facts about Tony special interests.

Hyperfixation is a bit different. It doesn’t last as long. But it can be absolutely all consuming to the individual to the point they lose track of time.

Sounds like a bit of impostor syndrome. Here are some sources that can possibly help:

Introducing Imposter Syndrome

I really hope these can help. Maybe my followers can provide some insight and advice too.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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livixbobbiex · 4 months

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More on ADHD and acceptance in Percy Jackson

TLDR: Percy Jackson was a formative ADHD representation experience for me, even though I didn't know at the time, and I hope it can be that for others too. Mostly a slightly tmi personal tale, but this has a point I promise.

I was a teenager during that specific sweet spot where internet culture had taken off, but Tiktok wasn't a thing yet. Social media was less algorithm based. This meant that my exposure to ADHD as a concept was somewhat less than what you see nowadays.

Percy Jackson was pretty much the first (and only) exposure I had to ADHD. And because I was around 13 when I first picked it up, I hadn't figured myself out yet, so I didn't have that instant relational experience. What I did relate to, though, was the emotional weight. Percy's narrative voice sucked me in, because even if I didn't understand 'ADHD' fully, I fundamentally got the otherness. The weird sense of just being different from other people. I used to daydream about being whisked away too, that I would get some explanation for why I was Other. So when I read the PJO books, it was a case of deeply understanding that narrative, but not fully knowing why.

I was able to fully pin down that I was probably an ADHDer by 16 or so (more after things like internet quizzes and specific research). And I was only able to actively start the diagnosis process when I was 18.

So when I read the Percy Jackson (and Heroes of Olympus by this point) books again with that context, it was a different experience. It didn't teach me that I was ADHD (I will say, the books don't really focus on that and consistently tie behaviours back to it explicitly). But they don't portray ADHD as a negative thing and that's very important. There is legitimate room for criticism of the 'ADHD superpower narrative' in the early books especially, don't get me wrong, but for my young self this was legitimately so helpful.

What it meant was that for me, my first true experience with ADHD was a sensation of okayness and acceptance. As Percy was told, there's nothing wrong with him, he was just built different, brain tuned to be better at different things. Yeah, the 'mortal' world is difficult to cope with, but that doesn't mean that Percy was somehow wrong or broken. Just... different. Which I suppose is the reason Rick started telling those stories in the first place, too.

That message is what stuck with me super hard, when I could directly apply it to myself. It's a fundamental part of why I have never been afraid of my diagnosis, and why I'm comfortable being super open about it both online and in my day to day life. I genuinely do not think I would be in nearly as good a position in life as I am today, had I not read those books.

So yeah. I'm stoked that the series is back in huge relevance. I absolutely love the way that ADHD has been portrayed so far in the show. In general I think access to information about ADHD nowadays is a net positive, though I do share concerns that there's a tendency to over medicalise/hyperfixate on the condition part of it. So, it does make me happy to get the kind of representation that's far more in the 'you're not broken by being different' lane, because that's something we could frankly all use more of.

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #adhd #actually adhd #this turned into a whole self analysis session #But who knows maybe some people will relate #I was also just really into greek mythology #Totally blame pjo for making it into a full blown hyperfixation though

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hanasnx · 4 months

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Which bruce wayne is ur favourite? (ex. Christian Bale, Robert Patterson) and follow up question why? -🐰

bunny, im so glad you asked. how much time do you have

i don't care about robert pattinson, i did not care about the batman (2022). i'm sure i'll do a full analysis once i'm able to establish my credentials as a lifelong batman fan, but there was a lot that fell so short for me.

christian bale was an exceptional bruce wayne, which is arguably as impossible a role to fill as the role of batman is. i loved bale's aloof and smug nature as bruce, his confidence and faults, but i can not stand his portrayal of batman. not only is the suit design egregious and unflattering, whoever helped him develop his bat-voice was a terrible guide. bale did his best, don't get me wrong, truly i can hear him giving his all and shredding his vocal chords in the process, but it was simply awful to listen to. the dark knight (2008) is still a rewatch-worthy movie of course, but batman begins (2005) & the dark knight rises (2012) was not memorable nor revolutionary. they pale in comparison to the middle of the trilogy.

more (and a TDLR at the bottom) under the cut:

i thought michael keaton's portrayal of both bruce and batman in batman (1989) and batman returns (1992) was boring. any personality he may have tried to bring to batman was washed out by tim burton trying to fit so much of... well... tim burton into something that didn't need any more of that injection. don't get me wrong, stylistically it's appealing, but if you told me that keaton just showed up and started acting as michael keaton instead of bruce wayne i'd believe you because there is no clear distinction between the two. the second movie was way more enjoyable to watch but it was because of elements that had... virtually nothing to do with bruce/batman. it was devito's penguin, and pfieffer's catwoman (and her subplot) that held my attention. i think it's definitely a burton movie, which is fine, and his morbid takes on those characters are interesting, but it was not a defining movie for bruce/batman. it honestly could've been better without batman entirely or benched as a side character / the antagonist.

batman forever (1995) is my secret favorite live action portrayal. val kilmer had bale's charisma when it came to bruce wayne, and gave batman a unique personality that i adored. he didn't shred his vocal chords to give batman a deeper voice either, instead gave himself an elegant yet commanding edge that reminded me of what i admired about kevin conroy's batman voice. as campy as it is, i love so much of what they did with this movie. i often think of it as a standalone vs it being actually a part of the "burtonverse." especially because batman & robin (1997) is supposed to be part of that franchise and i cannot tell you a single thing that happened in that movie besides maybe uma thurman.

another secret live-action favorite of mine was the foundational movie of adam west's portrayal in batman: the movie (1966) and i will elaborate on that another time either by someone's solicitation or my own hyperfixation driven wills.

now that the live-action shit is out of the way, let's get to the real winners.

the dcau or "timmverse" (bruce timm) or "diniverse" (paul dini) is the name for the dc animated universe franchise during 1992 - 2006 which includes loads of favorite shows/movies of mine. which leads me to say: my favorite portrayals of bruce wayne and batman of all time, is kevin conroy's from justice league (2001 - 2004) and justice league unlimited (2004 - 2006). those two might not be as solid as a legend like batman: the animated series (1992 - 1995) where conroy made his debut, but they were one of my introductory pieces to his portrayal and are a source of a lot of love and nostalgia that still hold up today as a twenty-one year old vs elementary school when i first discovered them. i stayed up til the AM watching them which i had never done before that (it was 7am). i would rewatch my favorite episodes over and over again which i have never done for any other show.

as many have already agreed, conroy was the definitive voice of batman for decades. his beginnings in the legendary batman: the animated series (1991 - 1995) put him on the map as bruce's most recognizable VA, and he went on to voice him in many adaptations that i also adore. a few examples are batman beyond (1999 - 2001) and the rocksteady arkham video game series (2009 - 2015). not only did he form a dynamic duo with mark hamill's joker (who is also so important for the joker's character, but i can't elaborate on that here without a terrific tangent) which employed one of the most potent examples of chemistry i've ever seen in media, but i would've trusted conroy's expertise on bruce/batman to the ends of the earth. he cared about that character, and he showed it in every faithful adaptation he performed. trustworthy and admirable, conroy is hands down the best batman by far, and did justice to his characterization that defined my love for the character. without conroy who brought him alive, i doubt i'd be into batman as much as i am or for as long as i have.

i knew that writing this post i'd get emotional. it's been a year since conroy's death in november 2022. i still remember the night before the news and how i had coincidentally imagined a world without him, come to find out the very next day that he had passed away. i remember exactly where i was when i found out, i remember exactly what i did after. he had honestly been a part of life through batman for almost the entirety of it. he was the celebrity i always wanted to meet, no one was important enough to me to go through that trouble. but conroy was worth it to me, and i missed out on the chance before he passed away. i heard he was always so personable and so kind, and who could ask for better from batman, you know? god there's so much more i could say, but i dont want to be disrespectful to his family who i'm sure miss him terribly, and are the ones that experienced that loss. in the grand scheme of things, i was nothing to him and that's fine, but i'm just very proud of him.

TDLR the character bruce wayne / batman portrayals in any live action adaptations fell short when it comes to animated adaptations of his character. batman forever (1995) is my favorite live-action movie, but it's nothing compared to my love for the voice acting of kevin conroy's bruce wayne / batman in justice league (2001 - 2004) / justice league unlimited (2004 - 2006).

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 8 months

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Character Hyperfixation Talk: Cravings

[I talk about Character Hyperfixation, Maladaptive Daydreaming (potentially fictive??), Neurodivergency, and what it's like for me personally - in terms of Hobie Brown]

(Actual footage of me staring at a picture of Hobie Brown)

One of the things that happens a lot when it comes to Character Hyperfixations are cravings.

Although it's super common to get the compulsion to look into things that trigger your fixations - but with character fixations, it can be so much stronger, and even moreso - emotional when we get these cravings.

Some days its easier, for me at least. Sure, I'll still be thinking about Hobie and how much I appreciate him - but I won't need to see him.

And then there are days like today - where I experience 'cravings' for lack of a better word.

I REALLY wanna see Hobie. Like I can't stress this enough.

It's hard to describe HOW visually and mentally stimulating Hobie is to me during times like this. And although it may sound like a humorous exaggeration, I do genuinely feel the urge to stare at these photos, and to focus on nothing but them.

During these times, pictures of Hobie, or watching his scenes are extra stimulating to me, and they can make me excited or just really happy. Like seeing someone you grew up with come home from the military - literally that mental and physical response.

Sometimes I can feel it in my body, like a light or happy feeling in my chest.

The details draw me in more - even small unnoticable details, or ones that don't matter at all.

For me, this only really works if it's art OF Hobie - as in direct screenshots of the movie. And although I love fanart - only 'Actual' Hobie helps the urge any.

Today, this photo was particularly interesting to me.

For small details like the shading on his ears - the three different shades of brown they use. Or the shading of the tendon in his neck. I wanna touch it. Or the studs on the back of his jacket and how realistically they're placed. Or his eye color which we don't get to see often. The lighting of the orange light so close is GREAT and the earring-

I can go on and on.

It's not like this everyday - though I do have to look at Hobie and set aside time for daydreaming everyday.

But cravings are also really hard to satisfy.

Photos help, and videos too. But, to understand where I'm coming for, I have to explain that there is a fully-formed Hobie in my mind. As in a whole personality, independent of a lot of my control.

He exists in his own detailed space. He tells me what he wants about his character, and if I don't know something, it feels more like not knowing a fact that you know exists (like not knowing how tall a celebrity but knowing they have to have a height) vs a creator who can't think up a detail to give a character.

If I don't know Hobie's favorite color - I can't just decide it's purple. I have to ask him. And if I decide something without asking him, it feels wrong.

Sometimes he may tell me an answer I don't like - too bad. He said what he said, and because he's independent enough in my psyche and daydreams to do that, I have to deal with it.

The photos and videos I watch will never exactly replicate the form of Hobie inside of me, so they'll always be a sense of longing there, so long as I can't be in the same room with him - which NOT POSSIBLE.

So cravings are moreso a feeling of longing that with character hyper-fixations that you kinda have to wait to pass.

If you're lucky, maybe the form or fixation in your head is fully formed enough to comfort you on this front, or if you can daydream them vividly enough that can help. But it's never fully gone until it passes.

A lot of time I can't tell how much of a 'Daydream' it is.

I know what's reality and what's in my head - I just don't know how much of it I'm consciously coming up with.

Because a lot of times I don't feel in control. Sometimes Hobie will do or tell me something that surprises me, or that I kinda feel iffy about. Or Diane will have an emotional response that..I be like 'girl...'

Recently I even had Hobie introduce me to another character, who can talk to me directly. He chose to do this. For a long time I wanted to meet his character - his MJ - but Diane was scared, and Hobie was hesitant. So she wasn't in the picture.

But then yesterday Diane and Hobie rushed through a couple daydreams showing Diane growing emotionally through a dark time, and then boom, Hobie is like okay i think its time and suddenly his MJ is there, basically fully formed, her relationship already pretty solidified and defined.

Without me doing anything. Like I'm just sitting there like I'm sitting in the middle of a room at a party with people talking at me.

Whatever they are, the forms seem to have distinct personalities, wants, emotions, and feelings about each other. And towards me too????

Yesterday Hobie and Diane were extremely quiet. Okay, so I asked them what was up and they showed me all that stuff with Diane that was pretty heavy. Makes sense why they were so quiet.

But then today, Diane is like 'I miss Hobie, I want to see Hobie. Let me be with him-' a.k.a hey go daydream I got stuff to do.

And in doing so - I don't know if it's me craving Hobie so she does as a reflection of my behavior cause she's not independent or real or idk if she wants time with him because yesterday she didn't get a lot of time with him even though I was fine not daydreaming a lot yesterday, only curious - SO I'm???????????? HUH??????

And now MJs here and that's another person 'on the houseboat' where they live AND ITS A LOT

Anyway. That's me ranting and talking about hyperfixation cravings and daydreams and the gang doing things realll suddenly and yeah.

If you relate to any of these experience ID LOVE TO HEAR like if you experience cravings or if you have daydreams, if the people in them are independent/can do things you dont want etc etc

Bye.

#atsv #hobie brown #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #actually adhd #actuallyaudhd #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #madd #fictives #sysblr #systems #ADHD #autism #AuDHD #hyperfixation #hyperfixations

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convexicalcrow · 1 year

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Oh? How normal are we about Pharaoh Cub?

Okay look. You gotta understand. I've been interested in ancient Egpyt since I was a kid. It's my longest-running special interest/hyperfixation, so much so that I've been practicing ancient Egyptian religion for over twenty years. It's something that's very, very precious to me, bc it's so personal to me, and bc I'm who I am, my knowledge of this stuff is arguably higher than the average person. This makes any kind of media about ancient Egypt actually not that interesting to me bc my brain will Not shut up about inaccuracies, so I tend to avoid them bc of that.

(I could go on about my issues with ancient Egyptian themed media, but I won't, that's a whole 'nuther essay frfr.)

(Also I hope you like infodumping, anon, bc that's what I'm about to do :D)

That said, I've actually written a whole lot of Egyptian myth rewrites, as well as ancient Egyptian stories exploring all kinds of various topics. I have some published on an old blog of mine, but some I never finished for various reasons. It's a whole thing. It's been a whole thing for me for a very, very long time.

So, you're me, someone with a more than average knowledge of and interest in ancient Egypt, and you've just become a Cub fan in s8 bc that was my first Hermitcraft season. I had heard about the pyramid, and Pharaoh Cub, and I was both SO INTERESTED but also actually quite hesitant to watch Cub's s7, bc I didn't want to be disappointed if he messed it up or did something wrong that caused my brain to Disagree. Again, very irrational bc my brain do be like that, but also based on previous experiences of seeing ppl just taking the aesthetics and doing whatever with it, and screw historical accuracy.

(Honestly, this is, like, my One (1) critism with the lore TrixyBlox built into the USW map. Can we Not have evil pharaohs plz just for once. ;_;)

I wanted to trust Cub, bc I'd seen the research that went into the canyon build. He's a smart dude. He cares about getting those kinda details right. And I did genuinely want to see how he approached the pyramid build and how he was going to use it as a base. But again, SO HESITANT. bc what if my blorbo messes it up and ruins the whole thing for me bc m brain is Stupid about this sort of thing. ;_;

But I'm so glad I trusted Cub when I did get around to watching s7, bc I fell in love with the pyramid. The fact that he cared about making it as life-size as possible, but also that he took an approach of taking what works, but also making it his own, and making it fit into the minecraft world. Like, using Standard Galactic for hieroglyphs! I loved that small little detail! It makes so much sense to use it that way.

Like, my very-not-srs gripes about the Pharaoh skin and its weird sleeves aside, his approach was very much how a lot of Egyptian pagans approach things today. Take what works, or what makes sense, and adapt it to where we currently are in the world and what we have access to. And I could tell from how he talked about it throughout the season that he really had done his research. And just- The Morning and The Evening Sun/Star epithet he gave himself like!!!!

Like, it's the little things, like the lapis roof, the stars - including Sirius!, the most important one bc its rising heralds the flood of the Nile and the new year - on the ceiling in the bedroom, the statue room and the way he built those five statues to represent aspects of himself (I cannot stress enough how much I adored those statues), allll the little tunnels and sekrit passageways, and the cartouche on the wall with his name in SGA and using SGA in the museum room, the treasure room with its traps, and the tomb of the Pharaoh himself. Like. It was such a perfect blend of Cub and Egyptian stuff. 10/10. I can find no faults. Although I do want to go back and finish the oasis room at some point. Make it a healing pool room with a shrine or two in it. Something like that.

Like, I had my doubts, but I trusted Cub and his process, and I was right to do so. It cemented Cub as my favourite Hermit at that point, bc he took my special interest and did it justice. And that's why I'm Very Normal about Pharaoh Cub.

But there are also other aspects too! Pyramids were designed to be tombs, and that's where the Pharaoh was left to rest at the end of s7. Which seems very appropriate, given where Hermitcraft went after that.

The reason I fixate so much on this is that there's this Egyptian underworld book called the Book of Caverns, that describes the King's journey through the underworld. It's not as well-known as the Book of the Dead, but the reason I keep coming back to it is because of Cub's canyon in s8. Where he built everything in little caverns in the canyon itself. And with the change of skin to young Cub, my brain just cannot let go of the idea of s8 being Pharaoh Cub's journey through the underworld, culminating with the final battle against the serpent we do not name so we do not give it power (a/p/o/p/h/i/s) that is here manifested in s8 as Moon Big. It's not a perfect metaphor, and I won't pretend it is. Especially bc while Cub escapes, the world is destroyed, and that's not necessarily accurate. But! He still escapes! He uses all his knowledge and resources that he's gained through his journey through the underworld to escape. To rise again in s9 as the new sun.

AND AND AND the fact that in s9 PHARAOH CUB DID ACTUALLY RETURN. Only now, we have the Pharaoh as a distinct entity. A divine akh/ancestor, a master magician, one who is clever and wiley like Thoth and who loves playing games and playing pranks. (Thoth is a trickster, and a very smart one.) And to have the distinction between Pharaoh Cub, who is a god, and mortal Cub, who is just Cub, like.

(Cub and his possession kink is also a whole 'nuther essay frfr)

That distinction makes sense in an Egyptian theological framework. Once the Pharaoh dies, they become divine akhu/ancestors. Very few were Actually Deified in a way we would recognise, but Cub is still not wrong when he calls the Pharaoh a god. The Pharaoh was a conduit between the people and the gods. He acted as the only high priest of the religion. He became King by hosting the Kingly Ka, the divine soul of Horus that legitimises their rule. This Ka/soul, has been with every king before it, and all the kings are attached/accessed through it. Kings live forever, after all. My own personal religious work has involved various Kings and Queens and working with them. (Not the most famous ones, tho, it's mostly the Sobek ones bc I worship Sobek first and foremost.)(Sobek being a crocodile god, a strong protector, and a god who was incorporated in Horus at one stage and gained Kingship attributes from that.)

And so it makes so much sense for the Pharaoh to be a separate entity now. The old man died, bc Cub is mortal, and ba/eternal soul of Cub was reborn into a new, younger body, with a whole new ka. Everyone has a ka, it is the soul that belongs to a particular lifetime and is the one that goes through judgement after death. The ba is eternal, and can have many kau/souls throughout its existence.

And bc the Pharaoh has died and become an akh, he can be contacted and manifest in the world again through the mortal Cub. The fact that Cub never actually changed the Pharaoh skin to reflect his younger self? It still has the old man's face? Like. This helps the distinction work. They're two different souls. This is theologically sound. And honestly I never imagined the Pharaoh lore would get to that point. But here we are, in s9, and we have the Pharaoh and mortal Cub, and I am Just So Normal about this bc I thought I'd missed my chance at Pharaoh Cub bc I only started watching in s8. BUT NO. s9 came along and is like, would you like some more Pharaoh Cub? and it's eating my brain like. oh my gods.

And also like, the Vex Magic Grimoire I've been working on? Canonically (to me), it's being written by Pharaoh Cub. Once the ConVex and ConCorp shenanigans settled down, and Cub had space to really focus on his magic, that's when he starts working on the grimoire. bc almost all Pharaohs were also master magicians. They had to be! It was part of their work as high priest and conduit for the gods. So Cub has Pharaoh magic on top of Vex magic, and in working through his new powers, decides to start recording down all he knows about Vex magic. Scar does some as well, but it is intended to be mostly Cub.

(I have an ask I STILL have not got around to about the Pharaoh's magic, and I will save a longer discussion for that there. I will get to it, I promise, anon! It's just taken a while to get my thoughts in order. <3)

It's like, in Pharaoh Cub, I can combine my love of writing about Egyptian things with my current hyperfixation on Cub, and it's so much fun omg. Cub doesn't do deep lore the way someone like Sausage does (again, whole 'nuther essay lol), but there's enough there to make a really good story, and build up these aspects of his character and make a really coherent story out of it.

And with Pharaoh Cub, I can explore all kinds of things that maybe don't work with other characters. Like death! In a way that doesn't really happen in minecraft bc players just respawn. Permanent death is something I've really only encountered on Empires, not Hermitcraft. But with the Pharaoh dying and being laid to rest in his pyramid? Like. That's something to work with. There's lore there to explore. Old Man Cub coming to terms with dying and what happens afterwards. and bc like. idk if anyone has actually ever written Old Man Cub as an actual Old Man. But as someone who's approaching 40, and has their own chronic pain stuff to deal with, like? Maybe I see it differently. Maybe I want to approach Old Man Cub as an old man. And maybe the Old Man dying as Pharaoh, and being reborn into a younger body is one way to do that.

Sure, it may not be the most popular fics for ppl. Maybe ppl are more interested in my other works. But I don't care. It's all my special interests in one place and I'm having the time of my life. :D

Even if I STILL don't know what to do with the journey through the afterlife!s8 caverns idea. Maybe one day I will find the right spark to do that idea justice. <3

#convexical asks #hermitcraft #convex #cubfan135 #gtwscar #pharaoh cub #old man cub #young cub #fanfic #cub's pyramid best pyramid #ancient egyptian magic #ancient egyptian religion #devotional writing #mythfiction #this is a lot of infodumping #but i hope it helps explain things

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rainbow-nerdss · 6 months

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WIP Wednesday!

Haven't done one of these in a while but i really enjoy reading everything I'm tagged in!

Haven't technically been tagged yet today but I still wanted to share lol

From somebody to someone, aka the bodyguard fic

Eddie takes the bag of food and leads the way inside when they pull up outside of Buck’s building. Buck tips the driver and follows Eddie inside, stopping inside the door to check his mail. There’s a postcard, and for a moment, Buck feels a spark of hope, thinking it’s from Maddie, thinking she could finally be replying to him after all this time. It’s not from her. The picture is some generic town Buck doesn’t recognize, somewhere in the midwest, if he's forced to guess. The picture isn’t the important part, though. On the back, there’s just one thing written. A bodyguard, really? Are you scared of me, Evan? The elevator opens, but Eddie doesn’t get in, noticing Buck isn’t with him. Buck hands over the card, and Eddie immediately picks up on the worst part of it all, the thing Buck had really hoped he’d somehow been wrong about. “There’s no address written on the card. He put this in the mailbox himself. He was here.” Buck wants to go upstairs, crawl into bed and cover himself in blankets, drown his sorrows in wine or just sleep until he can’t think of this anymore. But, Eddie’s already in action mode, on the phone trying to reach someone with access to security camera footage, cursing the lack of concierge in the building. Buck sits on the stairs, dropping his head into his hands. Finally, Eddie comes over to sit next to him. “I’m gonna go up to make sure he didn’t get into your apartment, but even if he hasn’t… you probably shouldn’t stay here tonight.” Buck’s expecting it, but it’s still a blow. First the jeep. Now his apartment. What will be taken from him next?

Tagging: @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @hellwrites @daffi-990 @thewolvesof1998 @911-on-abc @loserdiaz @wildlife4life @disasterbuckdiaz @theotherbuckley @jeeyuns

#wip wednesday #wip game #fic: somebody to someone #buddie fic

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elkkiel · 2 months

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fuck it I know I said yesterday I'm gonna hold on and wait but I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Content covered: love and empathy to Caiti, why he's taking so long to get his statement out, and frustrations with balancing personal mental health vs understanding that this isn't about *you*

1) Love to Caiti

I can't even imagine what she's going through right now. Regardless of if George had innocent or malicious intentions, it's obvious that this situation was incredibly traumatic for her. And I'm so glad that she has friends that are publicly willing to support her. I talked about it when Shelby spoke up so I won't bring it up again, but I get what she's going through and how much it fucking sucks. Hopefully, no matter the outcome, she can find peace and healing moving forward.

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2) Why he's taking so long

*I'll make statements empathizing with how difficult the self-defence process must be, but it in no way condones or excuses his potential behaviours or actions involved in this situation. He is a grown man and can deal with the consequences as such

The rush to get a statement and potentially closure to move on is understandable but still super stressful all the same. Given the severity of how this will impact his entire life moving forward, I wouldn't be surprised if he's seeking legal counsel or other advice before proceeding with a statement. Additionally, this is likely a situation where there may be little to no evidence that proves he didn't do anything, so whatever he presents has to be circumstantially rock solid with little room for doubt.

This isn't twitter drama where you can link a few screenshots and a twitlonger, or hop on stream quick to spout out your perspective. He stands to lose absolutely everything in his life today and it all depends on what he has to say and how he manages to say it. I know if I was in a situation like that (in the case that he legitimately believes he hasn't intentionally done anything wrong) I would be preparing in every way possible, short of a lawyer speaking for me, to clear my name to the best of my ability.

It makes sense that he's taking so long. He's probably not trying to ignore it and move on, but the lack of clarity on timelines certainly doesn't help him either. I wish he'll say something now too, but there's nothing wrong with taking longer than anticipated to detail out (probably with some fairly intimate detail that may be uncomfortable for anyone to share at such a scale) the most important stream of his life.

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3) Autism and grieving a special interest

There are (or were) a lot of neurodivergent people in this community. Like, a LOT. Some of us are able to drop hyperfixations or special interests and move on to something new with relative ease. Others struggle a hell of a lot more. You're not a bad person if you mourn the loss of a special interest in your life, it's just important that you keep the right perspective about it.

It's not as strong now as it was years ago, but the dream team have been a special interest for me since like July 2020. Emotionally, it honest to goodness feels like a loved one has died and I'm having a really hard time coping with it. Fuck, like I called in sick to work today because I the mental toll is so extreme I'm feeling physically ill.

Things will be okay and I'm so grateful to have Sleep Token right now, otherwise I don't know if I would be in a very safe place at the moment. It's really fucking hard and your pain is valid, despite what neurotypicals or neurodivergents with different experiences may say. The important thing to keep in mind is that your pain does not outweigh the pain of those genuinely hurt in this situation (Caiti in this case)

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4) Moving forward

I guess it all hinges on what's to come later today. Regardless of the outcome, things will never be the same here and I would be very surprised if any of the dream team carry on with their careers in the same capacity. I'm glad that people seem to be self-blaming less this time compared to the drituation. It still hurts to see this once-vibrant community crumble in such a short period of time.

I don't know what I'll do from here but I don't think the last 4 years were a waste. The dream team was a huge source of happiness during some of the darkest times of my life, and I don't think those memories could ever be tainted.

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Much love to everyone, whether you're still hanging around or not. I hope everyone finds happiness wherever they end up and that the truth will prevail in the end

#tw: sa mention #fandom discourse #elkk.txt

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solarpunkani · 10 months

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Sonic the Hedgehog and Solarpunk Ideals

Alright, it's June 23rd which means not only is it Solarpunk Aesthetic Week, but it's also Sonic the Hedgehog's 32nd birthday. Let's all say Happy Birthday Sonic the Hedgehog.

Overall, that means it's time for me to do something I usually don't do on this blog--talk about Sonic the Hedgehog, one of my favorite series of all times. Specifically, how I feel it embodies Solarpunk at least a little bit. Hopefully you'll see where I'm coming from by the end of this.

Real quick though, special shout out to @modern-solarpunk for being my beta reader 100/10 owe you my life.

Alright let’s make one thing clear. I’m a Sonic nerd. I’ve been a Sonic nerd since at least the 5th grade. Sonic the hedgehog is one of My Things. IDK if I’d call it a hyperfixation, but it’s definitely one of My Things, and it’s been one of My Things longer than gardening or even Solarpunking and all the other stuff y’all know me for has been. I am about to talk y’alls ears off. Buckle up.

With that in mind, I’m not going to pretend that the Sonic franchise is a perfect franchise made by perfect people working under a perfect corporation. Even ignoring the timeline disasters, retconning, and rushed projects (*cough cough Sonic 06 and Sonic Boom cough cough*), Sonic the Hedgehog is made by a corporation in a capitalistic world who has done some… iffy things in the past, present, and likely the future. We are, here, today, strictly talking about two things--the creation of Sonic and the creation of Dr. Eggman. There will be a super special third topic I bring up later, but that's gonna be its own post. I’ll bring up a handful of things from the shows, comics, movies, etc. If I finish writing and editing and posting this whole lengthy diatribe and someone ignores this paragraph and brings up some inane unrelated shit that the Big Corporation Guys did That One Time Months/Years Ago I might snap. Yes, corporations are bad. Yes, I like Sonic. Let’s establish that.

Ok let’s actually get started.

Sonic the Hedgehog the Dude, Tiny Rebellions, and Freedom

Alright, so Sonic the Hedgehog is a series of games, movies, comic books, TV shows--it's a whole thing, it's an entire franchise. The basics of what you need to know here is that a little 3’3” superpowered anthropomorphic blue hedgehog dude and his array of equally-animalian and equally-colorful friends are ruining the robotics-based evil world takeover plans of a 6’1” egg-shaped human dude on the regular. Occasionally, there are other villains, and other storylines, and sometimes the motivations change, but that sentence boils down the Sonic the Hedgehog storyline to its base essentials.

The Sonic franchise was dreamed up in 1990 when SEGA needed a new mascot to compete with Nintendo’s iconic Mario. Personality-wise, he’s said to have been inspired by “a modern sensibility of wanting to get things done right away, righting wrongs as they presented themselves instead of letting them linger.” As we currently know him, with Sonic “What you see is what you get--just a guy who loves adventure.” He’s a free-spirited drifter who goes with the flow, valuing freedom above all else and wanting nothing more than to live by his own rules and whims rather than bowing to the expectations of others. He loves interacting with the many cultures on his planet (which we mostly see in Sonic Unleashed, but still), trying local dishes with friends frequently. Overall, Sonic is driven by a strong sense of justice and fairness, fighting for the ideal of freedom rather than the name of the law--and he always fights for the underdog. He likes to handle things on his own, but he isn’t above looking to his friends for help when needed--and acknowledges their role in his life and achievements regularly (if he can be a bit smug at times). He appreciates scenic views and nature, with a special fondness for places filled with plants--we see him do this lots in the series--and he hates when people destroy it for their own gain. He doesn’t hate cities, though, and finds they have their own beauty.

So what’s Solarpunk about this? In my eyes, a good bit. If you don’t know what Solarpunk is, it’s described on Wikipedia as ‘a literary and artistic movement that envisions and works towards actualizing a sustainable future interconnected with nature and community.” Aesthetically, I like to describe it as a mix between sci-fi and cottagecore, with a particular leaning towards some steampunk and some cyberpunk elements, but in a brighter, cleaner, more hopeful way. It's important to note, however, that Solarpunk is also a practical and political action mindset--as much as Solarpunks dream of a hopeful future and work to visualize it, we also work to learn the concepts and take the actions needed to make it a reality. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that Sonic is super politically revolutionary, I’m here to talk about how Sonic fits into the aesthetics of Solarpunk.

As such, lets get into the point--I feel like Sonic is pretty Solarpunk, personality-wise. He just fits a lot of the core tenants--wants to right wrongs ASAP, whether they’re his wrongs or wrongs of the past. He values freedom, traveling, and beautiful natural places--a big chunk of Solarpunk is learning to appreciate and protect the natural species around you, and plenty of people have dreamed up nomadic Solarpunk societies. Even Sonic living by his own rules instead of bowing to expectations fits in Solarpunk--A Solarpunk Manifesto states that “the ‘punk’ in Solarpunk is about rebellion, counterculture… and enthusiasm. it is about going in a different direction than the mainstream…” People in the Solarpunk movement care deeply about freedom, justice, fairness, and fixing the broken systems we deal with today--and often start the legwork by forming or taking part in community-based movements and initiatives. We lean onto those around us for strength and courage, to work as a group to think of solutions to problems, whether that be something small like trading DIY patch instructions to bigger things like planning and creating community gardens to even sharing news about unionizing and more. There’s acts a Solarpunk can do alone--like guerrilla gardening, or moss graffiti, or drawing and writing concepts of a brighter future--but we all know we’re at our strongest when we’re not just one, but many.

But one of my biggest arguments to Sonic being Solarpunk actually centers around his nemesis--Doctor Eggman.

Doctor Eggman as the Antithesis of Solarpunk

After all, it’s pretty hard to talk about how a hero of a series is Solarpunk without discussing the people and forces he fights against, and most of the time that’s Doctor Ivo Robotnik--better known to most as Dr. Eggman. He was developed more or less directly alongside Sonic the hedgehog, and as such the notes about his creation not only influence his character, but the character and vibe of most of the franchise so far. So who is Doctor Eggman?

Doctor Eggman is often described as the World’s Vilest Person--he’s evil, mean, cruel-spirited, and a self-proclaimed genius scientist who only really thinks about what he wants and what he needs to do to get it--getting pleasure in crushing anything that gets in his way. His main goal is to establish his Eggman Empire across the entire planet and build his own version of a utopia, Eggmanland--usually taking the form of a polluted, smog-filled city or a robotic theme park. His plans have varied from excavating natural spaces and turning woodland creatures into robotic slaves (Sonic 1, 2, 3), using doomsday devices to threaten nations and blow up the moon (Sonic Adventure 2), tie down planets for his own purposes (Sonic CD, Sonic Colors), or even using cosmic forces beyond his comprehension to flood metropolises or literally rip the planet apart (Sonic Adventure, Sonic Unleashed). In the comics and some shows, he even takes it a step further--a common theme with him is Roboticization, wherein people are forcibly turned from organic beings into robot slaves. Sometimes its a machine fulfilling this sometimes-irreversible process (Archie Comics, Sonic the Hedgehog Cartoon, Sonic Underground), while other times its an all-consuming virus that grows out of his control and turns almost the entire planet into raving robotic zombies (IDW Sonic Comics issues #12-29). He’s fueled by delusions of grandeur, believing that all of the world’s problems would be solved if he specifically were in charge of everyone all the time and had things his way, and makes robotic inventions and weapons to obtain power. He’s overflowing with self-confidence and pride, highlighting his ‘scientific genius’ whenever he can. He’ll leave temporary allies to rot if it gives him a chance to take all the credit and power for himself, he looks down on everyone else and sees them as insignificant, only interested in what benefits him. Fairness and community? With Doctor Eggman? Forget it, he’ll steal candy from a baby and then turn it into a robot if given the chance. And even with robotic helpers he makes himself, he quickly gets sick of them--Eggman doesn’t do friends.

I’d compare him to Elon Musk, but at least Dr. Eggman is actually a genius.

A Solarpunk Manifesto was published in 2019, describing Solarpunk as “A movement in speculative fiction, art, fashion, and activism that seeks to answer and embody the question ‘what does a sustainable civilization look like, and how can we get there?’”. Eggmanland is not how we get there--Doctor Eggman is an embodiment of everything the Solarpunk ideology stands against, and not entirely by accident. Here’s a quote from Yuji Naka, one of the creators of Sonic the Hedgehog.

“Robotnik was created to be the opposite of Sonic, and to be the bad guy. At that time, there was opposition between "developers" and "environmentalists", and Robotnik was created to represent machinery and development.”

He represents it pretty well--his common motifs are imperialism and pollution, and his version of a utopia is often reminiscent of pre-EPA photos of US cities. Sometimes its done to a cartoonish level--but the point still stands. Whenever we catch glimpses of Eggman’s ‘Home Bases,’ whether its Scrap Brain Zone in Sonic 1, Chemical Plant in Sonic 2, Metallic Madness in Sonic CD, or elsewhere, we’re always seeing tons of mechanization, smog, pollution, and death robots.

Solarpunks aren’t opposed to technology--not in the slightest. But I feel its safe to say that any Solarpunk would be opposed to the over-industrialized, hyper-mechanized, pollution-riddled empire hellscape that Eggman would call heaven. (And you know damn well he'd be all over those Boston Dynamic robot dogs if he were real). To me, Eggman represents the grim-dark futures that apocalyptic stories tell us we’re barreling towards--the darker, less sunny side of the already dystopian cyberpunk genre. Solarpunk is the sun that burns away at smoggy futures, the light that reveals what we can have instead, the ideas that lead to actions to secure it. Its hope in a bottle--hope that we can enjoy and add to, a dream that we can help make into a reality. The ideals are chock full of resisting the real-life Eggmans who want to send humanity into a nose-dive of mechanization and energy-burning self-destruction for the sake of short-lived profits and smug ego-trips.

Is Sonic a strictly Solarpunk series? I wouldn’t necessarily say so. But I think if the themes and terms had existed in 1990, it certainly would have been cited as a bit of an inspiration. Whether the Solarpunk community would have been chill with a corporation citing the term as inspiration is a whole other deal.

Stay tuned for this posts' sequel, where I talk about how I feel my favorite game in the series--Sonic Colors--is Solarpunk.

#solarpunk #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #solarpunk aesthetic week #out of queue #ani rambles #nobody call me cringe i'll accept critique i'll even accept 'i disagrees' but if you call me cringe or bully me you're getting blocked #BUT ALSO IM NOT DONE YET I STILL HAVE TO POST PART TWO #UPDATE: I'VE ADDED THE LINKS GO HAM

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lotteray · 1 month

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Ch. 1

This is my first fan fic I've written. I've really enjoyed reading everybody's and have become obsessed over peoples work. So here i am shooting my shot. I have ADHD. So i might of hyperfocused on this today but i wrote something, and if there will be more.. will be a question for another hyperfixation day. I don't have a title for this yet. Suggestions are appreciate because I'm also indecisive. Any Suggestions are appreciated! Also why is it so scary to post on here?!? I'm nervous.. mad respect for people who do this on the daily.

Shadows stood before Elain. Stood where that beautiful Illyrian warrior vanished. Elain didn’t know what to think…what to do... Reeling from what he just confessed to her, it was an effort back up to her room. She whirled around before she entered, swearing she heard a wisp of air, of darkness. Hopeful that Azriel had changed his mind, that he realized that it wasn’t a mistake, that they both had nothing to be sorry for, but she was wrong once again.

She slid into her room and leaned against the shut door. She put her hand to her neck, to her necklace. Thoughts racing. Gods, the necklace was perfect. And yet how at odds it was with the emotions she now felt. She felt stupid, so pathetic, so cracked like the glass needed to make the necklace.

How could he be smitten with her? He had to save her miserable self from that horrible camp, all because she was still in love with a man that had no interest in her. Azriel couldn’t respect that. And even worse, she is being so selfish when her mate is enduring the night for her only a few rooms down. Selfish for her own desires.

Her self-loathing was getting relentless. She finally undressed and slid into bed, not even bothering with a nightgown, too hot from the anxiety of the night. She laid for hours spiraling, re-playing everything she said or should have said. At what point did he change his mind? Probably changed his mind at the long silence before the kiss. Probably realized that she wasn’t Mor or even the brave warriors he trained at the house. He probably had a good long look at the cowardly, weak lamb before him, and thought what a shame.

WELL! What a shame for him she thought coming to her senses. “I don’t want a male anyways.” reminding herself what she told herself a year ago. And with that, she found sleep.

Elain woke early. Her chest burned as she woke. Reaching up to the ache, she touched the necklace and was reminded of the sting of Azriels words. Mistake. The words made her nauseous. As if Carriden and Nuala could sense her feelings, they dimmed into the room. Both of their eyes caught on the necklace around Elain's neck and then on the tears forming in Elain's eyes. Cerriden spoke first,

“Return it, Elain. No male should make you feel ashamed and worthless.” as if speaking, knowing the full details of what happened last night. Elain was sure she and Nuala knew exactly what happened.

“Because you are the farthest thing from those words” reassured Nuala. “Do not let that necklace capture your light, especially when you have started to warm with health”

All Elain could do was nod and begin unclasping the necklace.

Nuala handed Elain a robe, while Carriden began sifting through her closet. Elain sat at her vanity readying for the day, stealing glances at the necklace now lying next to her. The poignant feeling punched her in the heart against the thought of missing the lovely thing.

“I saw the beds of anemone in the gardens last night, they look beautiful,” Nuala spoke, trying to distract Elain from her thoughts.

“Yes.. and they are such tall flowers. They will look very pretty in a vase if you decide to cut them” continued Cerriden as she was pulling out a simple gown, one that Elain usually gardens in. C and N always had a gift for styling and knowing exactly what to wear.

Elain could see right through them, sometime literally. Keeping her focused for the day ahead, instead of dwelling on the thoughts of the past.

“They grew in perfectly. I plan to cut them either today or tomorrow.” Elain answered, getting up to go change in that bath chamber.

“I think you should tomorrow after the Venus Party.” C answered back coyly.

How uncanny Elain thought, that the warmth of winter solstices celebrations with family, good food, and merry spirit, also brings the twins favorite party, a party of debauchery, abandonment, and sensuality. Almost like an afterparty of sorts. One acts on their best behavior for family, and then afterward the revelry continues with friends.

“You know I have not decided whether I'm joining you or not, and it seems in my current state I would not be much fun anyways,” Elain says still shimming into her dress. "Plus, thats not really in character for me. The way you explain this lustful party full of smokes and dancing.. I've... I've never taken part in something like that."

“I think you should go.”, Nuala drawled. Elain walks out of the chamber and turns her back to Nuala so that she can fasten the back, “You don't have to participate in all it has to offer, but it does offer freedom and exploration. All sorts of people, artist, kinds will be there. and I have the perfect little revenge dress for you” Nuala continues

“And you can be veiled so no one will know it’s you” C quickly chimed in.

Elain rolled her eyes. She wasn’t seeking revenge, though the thought of teasing him set her loins on fire. Having one night of reckless abandonment, where no one but the mother would know.

C continued “He will be there. He doesn’t miss these open sewer parties of vice and perversions, but so will Lucien I’ve heard.” C glancing towards N and shrugging.

How C and N knew these kernels of information, was not her problem.

Elain picks up the necklace and makes her way towards the door. Her problem was relinquishing this beautiful gift. The necklace imprinting itself into her palm, into her soul, and she had to let it go.

As Elain began to open the door for them all to exit. Nuala placed a hand on Elain’s shoulder, to turn her slightly as if saying we have one more thing to tell you.

“After breakfast, Rhysand would like to speak with you. Feyre will be there.” Cerriden said sharply as if it came to her suddenly.

“Oh… ok and ill think about it.. the party.” Elain said, giving a tight smile before heading out the door.

To be continued...

#azriel and elain #elriel #elain #elain x lucien #pro elain

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