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gothhabiba · 10 months

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can i ask for you to elaborate on your issue(s) with those 'male positivity' posts? is it with the whole sentiment, or just with the "you're allowed to be angry" part? i agree w "you're allowed to be angry" being an oblivious at best statement. but i don't see any issue with the first two statements themselves (the "OP says..." and "commenter says...")

yeah so I already talked about some of this in the tags to those posts but sure, let's get into it.

OP says "if you’re a boy with a mental illness, a boy with a disability, a boy with a history of abuse, a boy who has an eating disorder, a boy with trauma, I need you to know that you are not a burden, that you don’t need to 'harden up', that you shouldn’t just have to 'get over it,' and that you are very brave" commenter says "once I transitioned I saw the change in people being like ‘Oh you poor thing I hope you’re coping alright’ to ‘Just get over it and man up’. Men, you’re allowed to suffer."

the implication of the original post is that men with these issues are told to 'toughen up' or 'get over it,' and conversely that women are not. the commenter then makes this subtext explicit by outright saying that people reacted more sympathetically to his trauma when they read him as a woman than when they read him as a man (at which point they switched to "just get over it"). the OP responds favourably to this addition, proving that the subtext "women don't experience this" was in fact subtext that they intended to be there.

I hope I don't have to explain how utterly absurd it is to claim that women have it easier in this regard, or that their emotions are granted more leeway or sympathy in any meaningfully systematic way. that is just MRA logic.

of course people's ideas about suffering, endurance, trauma, & emotion are gendered! people really do say things about how boys and men should just toughen up and not cry, &c. &c. MRAs, like a lot of other reactionary groups (like TERFs and SWERFs, or antisemites / white supremacists / conspiracy theorists who understand that something's not right with the economy but end up blaming 'minorities' instead of capitalists), take an idea with some truth in it somewhere, but twist it around into a conclusion that the idea in question does not entail on its own (here, "women are allowed to express emotion and garner sympathy by doing so") in a way that leads to resentment, disdain, & hatred for a marginalised group.

so, if it's true that (negative) emotion is thought of as a feminine weakness, why doesn't that translate to women being "allowed" to experience and express emotion, while men are not? for one thing, race has a lot to do with this—the myth of the Black "superwoman," for example, praises Black women for being (read: expects them to be) "tough," "strong," "brave," endless wellsprings of emotional / physical / financial support for others while requiring and receiving no support themselves. the assertion that women receive sympathy for their suffering thus reveals a serious ignorance of Black feminist thought on the part of the person making it.

for another thing, displays of emotion (mostly "negative" emotion, such as sadness) being thought of as primarily feminine means that women have to take especial care to avoid them in many circumstances, not that they're able to freely indulge in them! women's supposed heightened emotionality means that they're less likely to be thought of as capable of serious work, less likely to be promoted or hired, more likely to be financially and professionally penalised for any time they do display any negative emotion (or, rather, the other way around—the myth of women's heightened emotionality is used as an excuse to suppress women's earning potential & make them financially dependent on, and thus exploitable by, men).

on an interpersonal level, you're highly likely as a woman (and especially as a woman of colour) to have fairly mild displays of emotion be interpreted as hysteria, extreme anger, irrationality, volatility. you're highly likely to have your allegations of abuse disbelieved.

on an institutional level, you're highly likely to receive disdain and contempt if you engage in disordered eating habits or try to seek help for them, to have a request for help denied or neglected (disordered eating is just, sort of, what women do). you're also more likely to have a request for help turn into involuntary institutionalisation or psychiatric abuse (a lot of work has been done on the relationship between psychiatry and gender).

also on an institutional level, you are less likely to be believed about the pain you are in as a disabled, chronically ill, or otherwise sick woman (again, especially a woman of colour). you are less likely to receive medical care. you are less likely to have anyone give a shit about the pain you're in, since women are so emotional and melodramatic that you are probably exaggerating, and anyway, being in pain is just sort of women's natural state. you are certainly very unlikely to get any kind of medical care if you're a middle-class cisgender white (read: desirable) woman of 'childbearing age' & the extreme pain that you're in would require risk to your fertility to treat.

there's so much more I could go into here. the basic idea is that properly analysing the relationship between emotion, communication, trauma, abuse, race, class, gender, and the uses of rhetoric that references any of the above (e.g. "boys don't cry") is an enormous undertaking. any claim that implies that women (which women?) wholesale receive more sympathy than men (which men?) do for abuse or other pain that they experience, or that they are more free to express that pain, is both inconsistent with reality on a base level, and incredibly irresponsible. the fact (if it's even true) that "girls" are punished less for crying than "boys" does not a whole picture make.

and, like, think about it. we're living in a patriarchy wherein women are expected to care for and sympathise with men, to forgive men for varied wrongdoings in the family & in romantic relationships, to coddle them in order to avoid or appease their anger, to perform (depending on their class position) various kinds of domestic labour and social / planning work for men without recompense, acknowledgement, or thanks (because knowing how to do and plan housework is just, like, women's natural state of being)—a system where the family and the home faciliate and cover for mass amounts of traumatisation and abuse, including sexual abuse, of girls and women—a system wherein trans women are highly likely to be traumatised and yet disciplined out of expressions of anger or upset under threat of social exile—a system wherein cisgender women cannot be allowed to become too wary of or angry at men (read: too unwilling to continue marrying them and performing a significant role in the social reproduction of their class). how on earth could such a system also enable (rather than allowing for occasional escape valves for, but mostly seeking to supress or transform) women's free expression of upset, sadness, trauma, anger...?

this is the same kind of logic that leads people to believe and spread nonsense such as "people believe women who come forward about being abused and not men," which is just demonstrably inconsistent with everything that we can observe about reality.

#Anonymous #questions #gender

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brucewaynehater101 · 10 days

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In reverse Robins, technically Steph would be the second Robin, she would be in Jason's pixie boots and come back devastated and vengeful. Tim would either still be stuck at the one who has to put all the pieces together with people throwing all his effort and work back in his face because of the loss of a loved one and him not being them, or maybe in Barbara's position, crippled, traumatized, and having to rebuild himself both as a civilian and vigilante

Then Jason as the Replacement, the one who has to live up to his multiple predecessors, who has to mediate between two (mostly) grown men, who believes that Gotham needs Robin, needs the hope that Batman brings to the city

Bored with Red Hood Tim, give me Oracle Tim, give me a Tim who's forced to create his own mantle instead of taking on someone else's name while he gets the job done

You are absolutely correct. Why didn't I think about it that way? If we are reversing Robins, Duke would be a very temp "Robin" before Damian, who is older, takes over the role. They wouldn't be called Robin, but whatever mantle they end up passing down.

Duke would be it for like a minute or two (maybe his gang is inspired by Batman, wants to help the crusader, and then Duke settles into being his own role). Damian would then come into the picture, take up the mantle Duke discarded, and need to be Batman's partner (Duke doesn't need to. Damian needs the constant presence of Bruce both so he can get to know his dad and so that he is guided on Bruce's version of vigilantism).

Damian goes off to do whatever (maybe he does a few years in the LoA similar to what Bruce did but obviously different).

Bruce stumbles upon Steph, who's Spoiler, and negotiates with her to take up Damian's discarded mantle. Steph, who has her mom, never actually joins the Waynes. She also never truly bonds with Damian (who's away and not approving of her taking "his" mantle). Duke and her get along, but he typically works the "day shift."

Then Steph spots Tim stalking her on a roof. At first, creeped out, she hits him with a brick. Then Tim shows her the photos of the other Bats and the evidence he's collected of cases. Steph begrudgingly grows fond of the little stalker.

She doesn't have the best relationship with Bruce and is still a little miffed he forced her to be a vigilante under his watch (instead of continuing to be independent). Because of this, Steph keeps Tim to herself and away from the Bats. Tim doesn't want to be a vigilante anyways.

Steph shows Tim some moves to keep himself safe while he collects evidence and becomes a stalker. Cass gets adopted around this point and becomes the only Wayne aware of Tim's presence. It's a secret between the three of them.

Tim even introduces Steph to Helena Bertinelli. He met her while he was gathering clues for a case. While Tim and Helena are closer, Steph admires the older woman and her way of vigilantism. Steph can't copy it cause of Bruce, but Steph doesn't find it to be wrong either.

Then the whole mess with Black Mask happens, and Steph "dies."

Tim, who's devastated at the loss, sees Bruce losing it. He, despite the many jokes and promises he made to Steph, offers to take up her role in order to leash Bruce.

Bruce, who finds out the dead person he considered a daughter had kept a whole side of herself from him, pushes Tim away even more. Tim gets sent away, learns from Shiva, and stubbornly forces Bruce into healthier methods of grieving.

In the end, Tim gets captured by Joker, and the Joker Junior arc happens. While Tim isn't physically disabled, the torture and brainwashing makes returning to the field incredibly difficult. Tim has a hard time keeping himself present when he's not at home (and sometimes struggles even then). He has laughing spells and other shit. Tim has to pull himself from the field because of this.

Bruce, on the other hand, goes off the rails again. Tim, who can barely get out of bed some days, gives up. He can't keep managing Bruce's mental well-being on top of his own.

Tim moves out to the clock tower and spends a while moping (understandably). That is until a villain tries to pull some shit online, and Tim discovers another way he can help without being a liability in the field.

Tim nearly orders a hit on Bruce when he finds Jason in the same role that killed Steph and disabled Tim. Duke talks him down and promises to always look out for Jason. Maybe Damian comes back as well.

While Tim isn't able to go in the field, he can still train. It acts as a soothing routine to him. He ensures that Jason is always able to escape and drills into his head that running away is always better than dying. There are worse things than dying, too.

Then, while Jason is "Robin", Steph comes back as "Red Hood." She would probably do a play on words as Black Mask instead for her name. I'm not sure what her training arc would be like, but I like to imagine that she teams up with Helena sometimes.

Tim, through his connections with Helena and Harley, still creates the Birds of Prey.

Anyways, hope this is a decent timeline! There's more that can be added for each of the Batkids, so feel free to add what else you think should happen

#dc comics #tim drake #dc universe #steph brown #duke thomas #jason todd #bruce wayne #damian wayne #cass wayne #reverse robins #thank you for the ask!!!!

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physalian · 1 month

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Tackling Characters with Mental Health Issues (or, ‘Write What you Know’)

**Trigger warning for this entire post**

This is completely off the cuff and unplanned but here we go. I just read a book that POV switches between its two romantic leads. One of these leads was intended to be written with a severe case of generalized anxiety. I have confirmation from the author that it’s not an author-insert. This character was entirely based on research, not experience.

Without putting them on blast, because they really did try…. While ‘neurodivergent’ or ‘mental health disorder’ isn’t a protected class, it should still fit squarely under other topics you shouldn’t write about if you don’t experience it with a massive asterisk.

TL;DR: If you yourself aren’t part of X minority or suffer Z physical or mental disability, you should not be barred from writing characters with those traits. ***HOWEVER*** writing these characters struggling, suffering, or overcoming this given trait in a pro-cis, straight, white, neurotypical, able-bodied America is not yours to touch.

This suffering isn’t your story to profit off of, when you didn’t actually suffer any of it.

I cannot remember who said it and I am absolutely paraphrasing but for example: White authors can and should include characters of color (and I am a White author). White authors should *not* write about a character of color as their protagonist experiencing bigotry, discrimination, hate crimes, and all that hardship, at the hands of white society. It’s just not your story to tell, and all the research in the world will never give you the lived experience you need to do it justice.

Like, you can write about the concept of slavery existing in a fantasy novel. Or sci-fi. Or some Alternate Universe historical fiction. You cannot write about the American slave trade like you lived it and still suffer the ramifications of it when you didn’t, especially when it is the thesis of your entire book.

Anyone remember that awful Amazon movie, My Policeman? Based on a book written by a straight, white woman whose straight female lead took an entire narrative to whine about how she was jilted by her gay husband and his gay lover who she got arrested and institutionalized so she could keep her husband… and never told them? With the predatory 3rd love interest and the whole ‘liar revealed’ and… yeah. That one.

Unless you do the work very few authors are willing to do, with permission and encouragement and a backing from whatever minority you’re writing about and their stamp of approval that you knocked it out of the park, just don’t. Save yourself the headache.

—

As I read this book, and this entire character’s arc is about her mental health, for 100k words… why would you *want* to take on that responsibility? Why would you want to take on all that extra research, all the stress of making sure you get it right, all the costs of hiring sensitivity readers and the risk of your character falling apart with readers who do fit these traits?

Characters with mental health problems are very, very tricky to get right for one massive reason: Accurately depicting many disorders and anxieties means your character can come across as extremely unlikeable, uncompelling, confusing, and frustrating. These characters won’t make logical choices or arguments, they’re likely to self-sabotage, contradict themselves, argue in circles, and die on molehills they think are mountains. This is just what anxiety does to people in the real world. We are not always compelling protagonists, and we don’t always get happy endings.

Writing illogical characters takes a lot of practice if you yourself are not an illogical thinker and if you’re writing half a book elbow-deep in 3rd person limited, intimately trying to describe how this disorder impacts their daily life, you, my friend, have so much more work cut out for you than you anticipated.

So why?

It got very sticky very quickly when the message I took away from the book was “character A can love away character B’s anxiety” and that just… it’s just not how it works. That is a very dangerous mindset to have, for both parties involved.

Character A does not exist to “fix” Character B, nor should A exist to be B’s therapist.

Making A B’s “medicine” can encourage some dangerous codependency. Especially if they break up, B backslides and spirals, and A takes on guilt for not being there anymore, as if any of this is A’s fault.

It says that ‘curing’ anxiety just takes a little romance. Which. No. B has to love themselves, first, before they’re able to love anyone else or let anyone else love them.

It got stickier when the author accidentally wrote a trauma-induced ace who wanted to start liking sex to please her partner and not for her own peace of mind (with internalized self-hate for her anxieties around sex as if not liking it after a traumatic experience isn't completely justified), as if she wasn’t good enough with the boundaries she had. And the narrative backed it up because she was *cured* after a couple rounds in the sheets—I worked really hard on my Ace character guide to help stop people from doing this.

Had Character A accepted these boundaries B had, and these two come to a creative compromise around intimacy that B does like, it would have been so much healthier. B liked making out, just not being the 'recieving' partner, while A chose to die on a 'if we can't have the sex I want, I can't be in a romance with you' hill and it just broke my heart for B. B wasn't being picky. B was traumatized.

The worst thing you can do to your ace character is a) reinforce the idea that they’ve failed as a human because they don’t like sex and b) reinforce the idea that they “just haven’t found the right person yet” and this narrative hit both in the bullseye.

The author wasn’t trying to write an ace, I can tell, but aceness aside “good sex is the best cure to your sexual trauma” is… also, not great? If you yourself didn’t experience this? The point of all of this was clearly to attempt exposure therapy, it just got so bogged down with other problems that the nuance necessary to stick the landing was completely lost.

If this was fantasy, like Twilight, with Bella’s dangerous codependency on Edward in New Moon, mental health is not the point of that book. The author didn’t set out on a mission to provide respectful representation of depression and healthy relationship goals. It’s toxic as hell, but it also takes a backseat to the actual story and the audience who loves those books couldn’t care less about how toxic it is.

The books aren’t about Bella overcoming her depression. They’re about sparkly vampires and the dangers of… teen pregnancy?

It got even *stickier* when the character revealed she’d apparently been in therapy for a decade and a half, only for her therapist to shrug and go ‘I guess you’re stuck with it’ while her mental health issue became a physical health issue, because she should have had a crippling eating disorder that the narrative didn't at all take seriously.

Why would you want the stress of writing this?

—

I am not at all saying you can’t write anxious characters if you yourself are not anxious. But make that an ingredient of the pie and not the entire pie, yeah?

Ask yourself why you’re doing this. The fundamental argument of that book seemed to be “anxiety can be loved away” and from the very first page, it was doomed. That was the book’s thesis. The entire story hinged on the success of this depiction.

I can’t even be mad, because it wasn’t intended to be harmful, but it inadvertently reaffirmed so many dangerous and incorrect assumptions and stereotypes about mental health. Good intentions historically do not guarantee good results.

If you do not suffer from anxiety, you are still allowed to write a character who experiences it (Or OCD, specific phobias, BPD, what have you). I tip my hat to anyone willing to do all the work to get it right because those are all tall orders, but you aren’t blacklisted from these characters.

But with any minority, anyone who isn’t “cis, straight, white, male, neurotypical, and able-bodied” write a character who is also X, instead of an X stereotype, who happens to be your character.

#writing advice #writing resources #writing tips #writing tools #writing a book #writeblr #writing #character design #character development #mental health #mental health in media #anxiety disorder #anxiety #write what you know

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tenpintsof-sundrop · 4 months

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I completely agree with you about the casting for Abby. She'd be perfect for flashback and young Abby. Nothing against the actress, but Naughty Dog could have done better.

Every single day I have to swallow down opinions about HBO's The Last of Us because I am tired and don't have the mental energy to organize a full length essay explaining what a horrible adaptation (and independent show aside from being an adaption) the fucking thing was.

Like - the characters clothes all looking brand new even though they're supposed to be in a 20 year long apocalypse, the endless product placement taking up space where sweet character building moments were, Joel's entire character arc being fucked to the point where he is cold and rejecting toward Ellie more than halfway through the story (and for more than half the story, it seems like they don't even like each other because they missed so many key moments), casually adding in the theme of disability euthanasia, the seasons being way tf off even though seasons is a central important theme of the game, them adding physical conflicts between Ellie and Joel when he never used physical violence as a way to communicate with her in the game (ever), Joel trauma dumping on Ellie that he failed at killing himself and she's basically the reason he's 'okay' now (when in the game, she had to beg and pry to get him to open up about himself. big yikes).

The show is a whole ass dumpster fire.

But yeah - she is not a good choice for casting, and I really hope that they only intend her to be younger Abby in the flashbacks. Otherwise, idk what they're gonna do. Even something I forgot to mention in that original post - Abby and Lev's relationship is supposed to parallel Joel and Ellie's relationship from the first game. If Abby is very petite and very young looking, then the Abby and Lev dynamic will not have the same impact as it did in the game. It will not come off as an adult taking care of a child (as it is supposed to, as it's supposed to parallel Joel and Ellie) - it will come off as two young people struggling together, and it just won't work.

Especially because one of the most important moments is - Abby carrying Lev down the beach after Ellie unintentionally freed them from the Rattlers, and even if it's unspoken, it's very clear that Ellie sees herself and Joel in those moments - and that is why she targets Lev in order to provoke Abby into a fight. Because she knows that one of the only ways to provoke a tired, broken down, exhausted Joel into a fight would have been someone threatening her life. And if Abby is some tiny, petite little girl instead of her usual towering self - those moments will not have the same impact. At All.

Anyway - people who like the show probably haven't had any proper contact with the games to know how good they are, or they are just thirsting over Pedro Pascal. idk. season two is bound to be a dumpster fire as well

also, okay - with the casting for Abby, I feel like somebody has to talk about Abby vs conventional attractiveness. because when TLOU2 first came out, there was the endless flood of 'Abby is a man' comments about her muscles, and I feel like the producers of the show are just downright cowards for not casting someone thick and muscled to play Abby in the show because it is an important part of her character, and because - it's giving in to all the backlash about her looks from the game.

casting someone petite and thin - someone who is very conventionally attractive - is a very cowardly move. because Abby is not supposed to be a conventionally attractive woman. she is supposed to be a brute, scary woman with a surprising soft side. (and I know, the lesbians are gonna be flooding my comments being like "I think Abby is attractive!!" but I am talking about attractiveness in terms of typical Hollywood casting.) it is just stupid not to cast her accurately to avoid backlash or because you think the character suddenly needs a makeover according to Reddit fanboys

like wtf

#anonymous #sundrop answers #abby anderson #the last of us #the last of us season 2 #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou2 #discussion

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writingquestionsanswered · 1 year

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How do I write a character who means to be good but does bad things? Like, personality is good but behavior is really bad and hasn't changed for the better

I feel like I'll either dull down the bad or completely hide the good

Good Character Does Bad Things

What is "Bad Behavior?"

First, it's important to define what qualifies as "bad behavior" in your character's world and worldview. In some times and places, an unmarried man and woman spending time alone together would be considered bad behavior. In other times and places, it's no big deal. A group of 20-somethings might get sloshed doing a walking pup tour and it's no big deal, but to a group of devoutly religious 20-somethings, that would be seen as bad behavior. So, make sure you define what qualifies as bad behavior both in terms of your character's society and their personal worldview.

What's Behind the Good Person's Bad Behavior? Although there's not an absolute connection between personality and good or bad behavior (you can have people with great personalities who do bad things, and people with awful personalities who never do bad things), behavior and personality does often flow from the same place. So, regardless of your character's personality, it's very important to first understand why your character does the bad things they do. Here are some of the common causes of bad behavior:

1 - Neurological/Psychological Cause - mental illness, addiction, intellectual/developmental disability, trauma, traumatic brain injury 2 - Self-Preservation - protecting self from physical or mental harm like injury, death, emotional pain, embarrassment, shame, inferiority, guilt, inclusion, exclusion, discomfort, feeling unsafe 3 - Preservation of a Loved One - protecting them from real or perceived threat of injury, death, emotional pain, embarrassment, shame, inferiority, guilt, inclusion, exclusion, discomfort, unsafe 4 - Misinformed/Misguided - they don't know or truly believe the things they're doing are bad, or they're unable to see how they're bad 5 - Righteous Cause - they believe the bad things they do is outweighed by some resulting good, or a result they believe is good, even if they're misguided or misinformed.

Blending the Good with the Bad

Once you know why your otherwise good person is engaging in bad behavior, you can illustrate that conflict in your story. In other words, the conflict between what is seen as good behavior in their world and the reasons behind why they're engaging in bad behavior. Exploring character thoughts and feelings through exposition and through dialogue with other characters will help you illustrate the ways they feel torn between doing what's right and doing what they feel they must do because of self-preservation, preservation of a loved one, or a righteous cause. You can use the observations of other characters (both in exposition if it works with your POV) and in dialogue to illustrate the conflict between what's right in the world and what your character can't help doing either due to a neurological/psychological cause or due to being misinformed/misguided.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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kotori-mochi · 15 hours

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Any one can cook

Going to keep on saying it, anyone can draw!

You don't need an A/I generator to do that but it's up to you if you want to MAKE THE TIME to do it. Sometimes it can be as little as 30 minutes out of two days in a week but If you can't or don't want to. That is your choice but please don't use something that was created to take jobs away from the creative community.

A good amount of freelance artist and new artist are loosing work because someone decided to generate an image and sell it.

If you want the summary on why they are bad here is a couple reasons, if not skip this part:

1. They are trained off of stolen art, photos, music and text. 2. The community is toxic, selling AI images and putting more stolen art into these generators. Even when the artist ask them not to use their work and by them selling these images they are competing with the artist who created the originals. They have also been used to "FIX" artist work as a way to troll and bully them. 3. They are being used to make deepfake p*on of woman and children, by using photos off the net. This includes facebook and other sites where you post your photos. 4.Also the AI companies already admitted that these are too reduce laborers. Which means less jobs and more money for companies.

If you want art, buy it or support an artist you like.

Also don't clam that these things help disabled people make art because that's ableist. As well as a bad excuse to use something that takes jobs away from Disabled artist as well. which there are many both physically and mentally disabled.

I made a hole blog on a couple of them as well as proof of art programs for the disabled. link

#anti ai #artist

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dimonds456 · 5 months

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Howdy!

I'm Dimonds456, and welcome to my garbage pile. I'm a bat who stays up way too late and cannot decide whether or not to be productive. I draw, write, animate, play/write music, and I'm also insane so watch out for that.

I'm neurodivergent, disabled, queer, white, a singlet, fictionkin, and a proud cat papa. I am a cartoon character who is way too bouncy for their own good lol.

They / he / xe!

This is my main blog, but my ADHD ass also has a bunch more.

@dimonds456-art - my art blog! Almost all art gets rbed there!

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai - my HLVRAI sideblog! Because yeah why not. This is one of me current hyperfixations lol it's bad

@rubberhose-roy is my sideblog used to gush about 1920's-40's aesthetics, music, culture, ect., as well as an animation blog! All my animations specifically will be reblogged there, as well as any animation rambles or gushes I do.

I have more but those are the main three.

My fandom-specific blogs are:

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai (again)

@hlvrai-stuck-together - HLVRAI AU I run!

@halfnautica - Half Life / Subnautica AU!

@a-second-chance-su-au - Old SU AU that has been discontinued, but the blog is still there!

@batim-rewritten - a Bendy and the Ink Machine rewrite I'm working on

@cuphead-contract-au - A Cuphead AU where Mugman makes a deal (discontinued)

And, I have my own OC story, Follychromatic! I reblog all that stuff here, but its main blog is here!

@follychromatic

To see pictures of my cat, check the #Checkers tag! :D

Okay great. Now, DNI, trigger warnings, disabilities, special interests, and more below the cut. Make sure you read at least once, k? Thanks.

Welcome to my cave!

DNI

Trigger Warnings

Do not FUCKING interact if you are:

- A proshipper

- A bigot

- An LGBTphobe / transmed / ect

- Trump supporter

- Nazi / fascist / conservative

- Weird about furries or furry art

- Weird about fandom headcanons (specifically trans woman headcanons)

I will add more if anyone wants me to, or we can come up with a custom tag, like what I do for one of my friends! (#dimond don't look)

I will tag as much as I can, and if you want me to tag something specific, let me know! But as a general blog cover, things that appear on this blog often are:

- Current events

- Talk of / discussion of sexuality (sometimes boardering on NSFW but not usually)

- Blood

- Guns

- Flashing

- Talk of proshippers (I try to be respectful but also I don't stand for them and I don't support them. I block and move on, and try to explain why proship is bad, but eh. I've only been listened to like once lol)

- Swearing / swear words

- All caps

- Bugs

- Suggestive content / NSFW (RARE DONT WORRY)

DISABILITIES

Hiiii I'm disabled! Both mentally and physically. I talk about being disabled a lot and try to generate positive talk about it. I also vent about it. I've had quite a few of these, and I also try to reblog as much about others I don't have as I can to increase awareness and understanding. So yeah! These are just the ones I have, but they are not the only ones that appear on my blog!

Hyperthyroidism

Graves Disease

Graves Eye Disease

Astigmatism

Athsma

Audio processing disorder

ADHD

Autism

Trauma / PTSD

Brain fog / disassociation / memory loss

Anxiety

Depression

Cane user

Weak / trembling limbs / trouble walking / trouble holding onto things sometimes

More to be added lol.

This is also a meds/treatment positive blog, a self-diagnosis positive blog, and my general attitude is just "if you think something is wrong you're probably right, you know yourself the best, even if you don't know what exactly is wrong." This attitude has saved my life and other people I know. You don't need a diagnosis or medication to be disabled.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

If you are Jewish, black, brown, Muslim, indigenous, any religion, any race, any sexuality, any weird gender, anything at all- I love and support you. I'm still learning, and I try to learn as much as I can, but I'm not perfect. If I say something offensive or something adjacent, it was NOT on purpose. PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what I said wrong. I will make an effort to improve in the future.

I directly support:

- All races

- All religions*

- All sexualities (except pedos, y'all aren't LGBT, I'm sorry. You're actively hurting children. I've seen it again and again. Stop.)

- All genders and pronouns

- All "weird" identities outside of that as well (I'm fictionkin myself)

- Protests and protesters

- Neurodivergent people of all types (and yes, this means NPD, schizo, and all those other types that are often seen as bad or evil. I love you, I see you, and I support you.)

- DID & OSDD systems

If I have reblogged or said anything that aligns with the bottom list, that was a mistake. PLEASE let me know and I will fix it as fast as I can. You reading this right now, I love you. I hope my blog can help you feel welcomed and like you have somewhere to go if you need it. /gen

I DO NOT support:

- Antisemitism

- Genocide

- Cults (*stuff like Jehova's Witnesses. I support the members, as they are victims, but I actively dislike the people on top who perpetuate the cycle. Not just JWs, but those are the big ones who come to mind. Hearts out to all the victims, I hope everyone gets to a better place soon)

- Racism in any way, shape, or form

- Religious discrimination of any way, shape, or form

- Israel specifically

- Trump, conservatives, Nazis, ect.

- Endo systems

MY FANDOMS / INTERESTS

I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND I'M MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM /silly

The current special interests are HLVRAI and Half Life, current hyperfixations are Half Life and Poppy Playtime.

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

- Minecraft

- HTTYD

- FNaF

- Undertale / Deltarune

- BATIM / BATDR (unfortunately)

- Subnautica

- Biology

- Steven Universe

- Cuphead

- 2D Animation

- Writing

- HLVRAI

- Half Life

theres more but my brain is an egg :/

HYPERFIXATIONS (interests but not the special ones):

- Little Nightmares

- Hello, Neighbor (unfortunately)

- Petscop

- Portal

- Freemanverse (HELP ME)

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- The Owl House

- Gravity Falls

- Monster High (very first from what I can remember! I remember nothing though! But it's there!)

- Poppy Playtime

- Half Life

- Wild Kratts (I didn't even know there WAS a fandom until very recently, hi guys)

When it comes to ✨me,✨ I have a couple of original works as well! Specifically, Follychromatic! I won't get too into it here (bc shy) but it's 2D animation, rubberhose animation, magic, character-driven, action/adventure, mystery- yeah!

Outside of fandom, though, my special interests are biology, 2D animation, and writing. I am an animator and I suffer for fun.

YOU MADE IT! Have some Checkers for your time! :)

#dimond speaks #intro post #bout time i made one of these huh #dni #pinned post

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fandomgamersimp · 30 days

Text

I just want to ramble a little, because one of the latest reblogs evoked something in me, and I just want to make sure I'm not the insane one; also I've finally got around listening to Pamela's tapes from the FT13 game, and I'm kdjfksfjjefj-

! I may be adding something here and there throughought, because I seriously have a lot to say about all of this 😭

Because no matter what anyone tells me, I can't for the life of me be on anyone else's side, but Jason's. The franchise has some likable protagonists, obviously, and I rooted for them. My heart? Always on the Jason's side.

Like, I want you to picture what I'm seeing here, with added info from those tapes I mentioned.

TW sexual violence, abuse, ableism

Pamela- a woman living through 40s and 50s- already a tough situation if you know the historical context. At one point, a tragedy happened; an unknown man raped her- she doesn't want to talk about him, she doesn't want to remember him, she doesn't want to see this monster ever again. "It doesn't matter" she said to the police in the tapes. "What happened, happened." But she felt like he was still out there. Looking for her- and for the child he gave her with unspeakable violence. So she found Elias. Because he looked like someone who would be able to protect them. She married a different monster, it turned out. He also abused her - sexually, mentally and physically.

I feel like throughout it all, she managed to find strenght in her kid - someone who, due to his disability and ableism of the world, seemed far more vulnerable than her (and maybe because thanks to his disability, she just saw an innocent child rather than her rapist's face). And someone who loved her unconditionally- so she loved him back, despite how he came to be. I think she tried to be a strong person, and to shield her son from how cruel the world could really be- she knew it first-hand after all. The world already disappointed her, so maybe her child can have a shot, and she clearly tried her best- he was her perfect, little kid, no matter what kind of disgusting and atrocious things people were saying about someone who never did anything to them. She knows bad people. Her son wasn't one just because he looked different.

But Elias abused him too. She obviously snapped at that point. She murdered him for what he did - because unlike with the other despicable man, this time she was in control of what to do with him. Her son told her to do it too, he knew it too - or it was the first sign of how mentally disturbed she was because of her trauma.

She heard about Camp Crystal Lake later. It made itself to be something like a paradise, for kids especially. Of course she took it. Not only for work, but I think they made it out to be this beautiful and promising place for children - and her son deserved happiness too. But it wasn't. Other kids were cruel, and councelors were rude. Just because someone is born different. She tried her best to make him socialise, to protect him too. She was shielding him from others a little too much, sure- but considering her past experiences and the fact that she didn't get professional help, I don't blame her. In her eyes most likely, the world proved to her how fucking disgusting it can get to people who never even did anything to it.

Then, she heard it. Her child begging for help - probably just like all those times he screamed for help while his dad was hurting him. They told her that they can't find him later. She told them he couldn't swim. That they had to pay a little more attention. Her child- Jason- was probably her biggest, if not only, reason to still be alive, because he deserved to have support and genuine love, to experience what she didn't get to. He needed her, but suddenly he was gone. The police was called, she demanded justice.

She demanded something that she didn't get- so at least give it to a damn child. And they didn't.

On one of the tapes, the police even assumed that "he's probably dead already". You know why they automatically assumed that? Because he has a disability. They didn't even consider the smallest chance of him being alive, just decided he's no longer alive without even doing the search. She tried to find Jason on her own, of course. But obviously she couldn't, she's only one person. Not only the police didn't do anything useful- the councelors that were too busy with themselves were hired again. Without consequences. Without an apology. Without justice. Horrible people doing horrible shit and then living like nothing happened while others suffer. And she snapped again- trying to do anything in her power to have the camp permanently closed after her murders, so no other mother can suffer like her- like your heart was ripped straight out of your chest.

Jason had to live years in the woods alone. He probably wondered why all of this had to happen to him. In the comic of him and Leatherface, he still remembers his dad's abuse too. All of that because of how he looked- hating it himself up to the point of covering his face (I think the fact that the bag on his head is tied perfectly shows that he really doesn't want to give anyone/anything a chance to take it off and see it). Only his mom loved him, no one else in his life showing him this much care and genuine appreciation for existing.

And then, he sees them. Everyone just happily visiting Camp Crystal Lake. Partying. Living. Nobody even once wants to genuinely acknowledge what happened. Nobody visits his mother's grave, the councelors do whatever they want. Nobody pays respect in any way. They act like it never happened. Like their lives thrown away means nothing. Like- I think- no one wants to look into themselves and ask whether or not they contribute to what kind of society we've created- one where victims don't get justice, where an ableist "joke" is accepted and laughed at, where you'd rather ignore what's around you rather then contribute to change- because maybe if someone, even one person, thought that way, his mother wouldn't be raped and killed while mentally unstable, and maybe he could have a chance at living just like able-bodied people are, and maybe the other kids would have been a little nicer to him. Maybe if they stopped to think about others for one second, it all wouldn't happen. We could change the world- but are we just choosing not to?

And then you see the same people kill your mother. Was her snapping after everything made her a horrible person? The same that raised her child, despite from who he came? She didn't even get to find him and live like a family. He was probably so excited for that split second, seeing his mom alive. She didn't even get to see he's safe when he found his way back onto the Camp. What did they do to the world for everything to end up like this?

Because I think after all that, they decided they're going to give them a reason.

I personally enjoy DiSanti's interpretation in his fanmade movies- where the blood of Pamela entered Jason, with all the hate she gathered for the world. Because in my eyes, that's the perfect depiction where they both, in a way, decided that they're going to show people how it really feels when your entire life is ruined, where your innocence and hope are stripped away, and there is no justice served, and no one believes you, and no one does anything. These people are going to know how it feels to have the entire world against you while hatered and pain eat away your humanity.

While, maybe at one point finally, realising that it all could've been avoided if you thought about someone other than yourself.

It's "if you want to hate me, hate me for an actual reason". And the Voorhees decided they're going to give them a damn good one.

And a friendly reminder HE'S NOT EVEN GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU STAY OUT OF CRYSTAL LAKE AND JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE.

You would stay alive if you just fucking listened for once.

Also: honorable mention of Rennie who was made an "empath" in the comics

Because apparently empathy and morality are mutually exclusive, and feeling empathy towards someone, even someone doing horrible shit, is a super-power and not just something we all should strive to have. (Me wants to say it's because the world has had us convinced that commiting a crime is a perfect reasoning for getting rid of empathy for those who commit the crime and for circumstances of them ending up in certain positions, so we don't realise just how broken we are as a society and we all have certain responsibility for how we treat the disabled, the poor, the abused, the mentally unwell etc. and most shit happens for a reason; but not everyone is ready for this conversation. Or maybe everyone's angry that they see Jason-with all his background provided- and unlike many people, he doesn't really go after children and animals still, so they realise he still has more rigid of a moral spine than them).

And also they kinda keep doing this shit- I understand screaming while a huge guy is chasing you with a clear intent to kill you; but excuse me, why are you screaming upon seeing someone's deformity caused by a disability? 🤨 (he even raised his mask in pt. 3, because like, HE KNOWS what kind of reaction he's gonna get - because so far no one proved him otherwise).

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opinated-user · 11 months

Note

If you try to remove your skin cancer yourself, such as with a knife or via burning, it is possible for cells to enter the bloodstream, requiring chemo to treat and to prevent it from spreading to other organs. That's the only option that would make LO's timeline make sense, since as Britt mentioned, otherwise, it's a method employed when the cancer is much further along, and not only are you far too sick at that point to go about daily life the way Lily did, at that point there would be no hiding things like weakened voice, fatigue, etc. from her streaming audience and YouTube audience alike.

However, if we assume that Lily was given chemo as a result of a botched self-treatment - and self-treatment is something she does seem like the sort of person to attempt, since she would rather not go on HRT than do very simple and relatively quick blood tests at the doctor's office - then it would still not make sense. My sister is a nurse and has worked with rural communities where people have attempted self-treatment and then needed proper medical follow-up, and the thing is, the kind of person who takes a knife to themselves? They don't go to the hospital themselves, someone has to call in a report to protective services or a doctor or what have you, and then the treatment plan can be implemented after an investigation. This would definitely have caused a disruption in her uploads and streaming, as looking into if someone is mentally well enough to be left to their own devices or if self-treatment was a sign of impaired judgment requiring long-term hospitalization would be a process that took several weeks. During those weeks she would have been interviewed, forced to see a therapist for evaluation, etc., and the idea that she didn't say anything? This woman, who overshares constantly and vagueposts about everyone? It just does not match who we know her to be, and when you think about the lack of times where she would have been silent on social media as a necessity due to being busy with other things, it paints the picture of someone who is, in fact, physically healthy.

The only story that would make her claims make sense is impossible. We should at some point ask ourselves which is more likely, that there's some super rare set of circumstances where she would go directly to chemo that is not the aforementioned most common scenario that requires chemo as a first resort treatment for skin cancer, or if she's lying.

The answer is that she's lying. And she didn't even bother to put in the work to make it sound plausible.

At least put some effort in, lady.

she didn't have time to make it plausible, not when a inconvenient sister comes out to accuse her of molesting her as a child. my theory still stands that LO was planning to tease it for a while longer, but rushed out everything at the last second. if only LO didn't think to make up tragedies, disabilities, ethnicities and illnesses in her desperate attempt to try to seem more interesting than she is, maybe then we wouldn't have to keep repeating "this doesn't make any sense" every time she opens her mouth.

even if i wanted to give LO the benefit of the doubt, even if i wanted to believe that she could be saying the truth and even if i truly believe on her words... many things just don't add up. the expenses, the time, the hiding it from her wife and family, the lack of real symptons, the fact that LO all of last year was carrying on her life as usual and was only visibly sick one time, and only because of a sore throat. that's not me being jaded or thinking "once a liar, always a liar". this is all on LO trusting that none of us can think for ourselves.

#lily orchard

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gimmequeerbooks · 7 months

Text

Before We Disappear by Shaun David Hutchinson (review/rec)

Genre: Historical Fantasy

My rating: 7/10

Alright, now we’re on to books that maybe not everyone know about! Shaun David Hutchinson has been one of my favorite authors since I read one of his first books, We Are The Ants, when it came out in 2016. I will probably be reviewing each of his books at some point or another as nearly all of his books are about LGBTQ+ people and only a handful of his main characters are ever hetero cis and as a bonus he usually includes people of color and/or queer people of color, and disabled people to his stories.

This one features two boys, Jack and Wilhelm, both of which are gay. Other queer or potentially queer characters to note include Ruth and Jessamy they are both lesbians or possibly bi. Lucia, presumably a woman, also often wears men's clothing.

Jack and Wilhelm work as assistants for rival magicians at the Alaska-Yukon-Pacific World’s Fair Exposition in 1909. Jack, a talented thief, assists the Enchantress and at times steals tricks from other people for her to perform. At the fair, he sees Laszlo, an amazing magician with impossible tricks. After some digging, he discovers that behind it all is a boy named Wilhelm, and he can perform a real sort of magic and that he does not assist Laszlo by choice. The pair fall in love, and Jack must find a way to free Wilhelm but in doing so he will turning his back on the Enchantress, the woman who took him in when he had nowhere else to go.

The thing that I really love about Hutchinson’s works is that the focus is never really on the fact that the characters are gay or queer. Instead, the characters typically just accept how they are and move on with the story. He doesn’t write coming-out stories or anything like that. So, I would say that this story is actually about manipulation and abuse, trust, found homes, and what freedom means.

See, while Laszlo is an absolute piece of shit, abusive “guardian” to Wilhelm that is definitely not above horrendous acts, the Enchantress is not wholly in the clear either. She uses Jack and while both seem to care about their wards in some sort of way, neither treat Wilhelm and Jack well. The dichotomy between the two magicians is something to behold. Wilhelm also has to trust Jack with a lot of secrecy, that he will stay safe as they go behind the Enchantress’s and Laszlo’s backs, and that Jack knows what he’s doing and can help Wilhelm escape. Jack has to put his trust in Wilhelm that he knows what’s best for himself and that his friends will pull through for him. Both Jack and Wilhelm have to define for themselves what home is and what it would like if they were to leave the magicians. To them, leaving would mean stepping away from everything and everyone they know.

Seeing Jack and Wilhelm as foils for each other through the lens of what their freedom looks like is was interesting to see as well. Jack is practically required to be devoted to the Enchantress mentally. He is allowed to have a life and friends outside of his job, but he is constantly at the Enchantress’s beck and call. He’s ready to risk his life for her, follow her around the world, and do whatever she asks out of both gratitude and admiration. Wilhelm on the other hand, is trapped physically. He doesn’t like Laszlo at all, but he has no choice other than to do as he’s been ordered. Both are under some sort of confinement by the adults that raised them, but in different ways.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. However, I will admit that Wilhelm and Jack were possibly a little too perfect to each other. We didn’t get to see them mess up with each other often, but again, I don’t think that that was the point of the book, so I’m not too upset.

I wouldn’t say that it’s the very best of Shaun David Hutchinson’s books, that would probably go to his memoir, Brave Face, but more on that at a different time. Before We Disappear was a solid book and a good read.

I should mention that this book does come with a fair number of trigger warnings such as: physical abuse, emotional abuse, and gaslighting. All of which are listed on his website. The physical abuse can be quite graphic at times. There is also some racism and homophobia.

#lgbtq+ books #booklr #books and reading #queer fiction #queer books #queer #gay books #Before We Disappear #shaun david hutchinson #lgbtq+#book review #book recommendations

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altheasmeadow · 1 year

Text

Secret Secret

Pairing: Lee Know X reader

Summary: In which she’s embarrassed of her secret disability, and tries to run away from getting attached

Warnings: Mentions of drinking, pills, disability, a lot of physical pain, mental trauma.

Her life had been a struggle that much she was sure of, growing up without much support from her family was hard enough, she didn't need the next chapter in her life to bite her in the ass as well.

She made her life. That was the only way to say it, she made herself. Starting with working part time jobs to raise money to train in dancing, she became famous for her choreographies. People around the world are reaching out for her help.

July 8th 2019 changed her life, for the worst of course. A car wreck with a couple of her friends, she hadn't been drinking that night but her friends were, they tugged the steering wheel to make a joke but it ended way worse than anyone intended.

She could no longer dance, she lost hope in it after her doctor said it would be nearly impossible. But with more and more condescending comments from her parents, she made it happen, leading her to where she is now.

"Boys, this is new your coach. Just for an extra set of eyes." Park said as he introduced the small duel-colored haired woman to the 8 men, one of which recognized her from somewhere a lot more personal than the others who only knew of her name from seeing her choreographies.

"Hey I'm Chan this is Changbin and Han we're the producers, that's Seungmin and Jeongin they're the main vocals, and that's Felix, Lee Know, and Hyunjin they're the main dancers." Chan introduced reaching his hand out to shake her hand.

"Nice to meet you all, I'm sure it'll be a pleasure working with you." She said with a minuscule smile trying to offer reassurance but it came out as more of a grimace.

—

"So what exactly are you trained in?" Han wondered, having noticed the way she moved a bit more gracefully than your average person, he knew she at least knew ballet.

"Ballet, contemporary, silks, pole, hip hop, tap, mainly but I dabble in others." She shrugged nonchalantly and everyone kind of let that settle for a moment.

"Do you know anything about making music?" Chan wondered curiously.

"I took a couple courses when I took a year long hiatus from dancing." She vaguely answered, not giving much say on her hiatus, but it looked like Chan was piecing things together.

She felt a pulse of pain from where her prosthetic rubbed against the limb remnants so she subtly looked around for a chair, she couldn't find one that she could sit in subtly but it was okay she'd sit when she was done, the pain wasn't too bad at the moment.

"So you're going to help us in most aspects?" Changbin wondered not really understanding the gist of her job.

"Yea I'm just going to coach you on what you can improve. That's all I'm not here to force any decisions upon you." The statement caused everyone to have a slight sigh in relief.

The group spent the next couple of hours going over a couple of moves to their new song, She was simply giving a few new ideas to the choreography making even Lee Know like it, he usually didn't like people stepping over his toes, but over the course of the few hours the woman had made it very clear she wasn't going to overstep just offer what she can to the table.

"I think we should head home." Changbin sighed, noting the time, he was hungry so he wanted to get home quickly.

"Okay I'm going to stay here a bit longer so I can look over the notes." She offered in response still not sending much of a smile to the boys.

"I'm gonna stay and go over the track a few times." Chan added earning nods from his friends who walked out to go to their separate dorms.

She sighed, wishing Chan had gone with them so she could take her prosthetic off and massage the pain away before having to walk back home. Instead she settled for sitting on the floor and keeping as still as possible until Chan decided he was done.

Only that didn't happen, he sat with his laptop in front of him playing the track but she saw him occasionally glance at her in concern.

"Are you okay..?" He asked after a few moments, causing her to look at him confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You keep shifting your leg like you're uncomfortable with it." He shrugged casually as if it was nothing new so she assumed he was unaware of why she was actually uncomfortable.

"Yea just a bit stiff from standing for so long." She brushed off with the flick of her wrist, picking the papers back up to note what they could work on.

"I can rub it for you if you'd like?" He prompted, simply being kind, she knew that. She also knew that his mother knew hers so if anyone was going to know about her issue it'd be him. So him prompting this made her suspicious.

"No it's fine." She covered her suspicions by avoiding eye contact and continuing to gnaw at her lip.

After a while Chan finally huffed in defeat and decided to leave, wishing her a good night and leaving.

She sighed in relief as she took off the sweaty material and used her lotion from her purse to massage the sore muscles, wincing in pain every-time she hit a knot.

She knew it was gonna be difficult but she wasn't prepared for this.

Avoiding Chan was difficult considering she was working with them for the time being, but avoiding the efforts of all of them trying to get closer to her made her feel drained at the end of each day. Felix had forced his way into her heart despite how much she pushed.

The boy observed her for the first week, noting the snacks and drinks she liked and bringing them for her, also anytime she sat down he'd take to putting his hands on her shoulders and slightly massaging the knots in her neck.

Now her distance wasn't saying she didn't pay attention to them, she had definitely noticed how well she would click with their group, she was also very well aware of how handsome she found the quiet one of the group.

Currently the woman was seated in between Felix's legs going over the movements that they had writing on paper for the maniac choreography, he was fidgeting with her hair which was super smooth despite the bleach she had used on it.

"So here I think we can add a transition." She noted pointing to the paper while the boys nodded along.

"Do you want to come to ours tonight? We were going to have a movie night." Jisung offered, giving her his puppy eyes he had given her the last 10 times he invited her to hang out with them, all of them did except Minho who looked like he understood her distance.

"I really can't."

"Why? Got a date?" Changbin teased as they all turned to lay on their stomachs and kick their feet behind them like teenage girls, except Felix and Lee Know of course.

"No date, just don't want to."

"Oh come on, are we really that bad?" Hyunjin pouted, also giving her puppy eyes.

"Yes."

"Liar! You have smiled in our presence more times than you've smiled around the building." Lee Know argued, making everyone tilt their heads at him. "What? I pay attention."

"Will you please come?" Felix asked softly, maneuvering his neck over her shoulder to make her look at his puppy eyes, Jeongin joining him knowing nobody can deny those two.

She hesitated, that was her mistake. The boys watched on with more excitement as she didn't reject it immediately after Felix asked.

"Okay..."

—

Wearing the comfiest clothes she owns, She made her way up to the boys dorm, which was on the upper floor of her complex, she of course wouldn't let them know that or they'd be trying to have her over all the time.

She wanted so badly to run and hide in her apartment, socializing had been the hardest part of life after the accident. She found it so hard to trust people, granted her ex friend was drunk out of their mind but it didn't cover up the fact that two of their friends passed away and they proceeded to try and blame it all on her saying she was the sober one she should've been more careful. She didn't trust anybody not to twist situations anymore, and her parents using her insecurities against her made her even more of a recluse, refusing to even see them.

Friends were something she didn't know anymore for years.

So seeing a beaming Felix waiting outside of their apartment for her, she wanted to cry. Nobody had ever been that excited to see her so casually, and she knew she didn't deserve to feel like she wasn't treasured. Even with half a leg she was as good as everyone else, however her parents berating her always echoed in her ears. Her brother was the only one to soothe them until he took off to the states.

"Hey!" Felix chirped, rushing to hug her, grabbing her purse from her.

"Actually can I keep that on me?" She asked nervously, not wanting anyone to accidentally see the pain meds she had to carry with her everywhere.

"Oh yea, sorry I just thought I'd help." He stammered a bit handing it back to her but she simply sent him a soft smile, which was rare so seeing Felix beam in pride at the notion didn't shock her one bit.

"You're okay Felix, I just have some medicine I have to take at a certain time. It's easier if it's on me." She shrugged carelessly, knowing he wouldn't be the one to question her deeply on the medicine.

Which she was right as the boy simply nodded and pulled her into the apartment, it was his, Seungmin, Jeongin, and Lee Know's, seeing as it was cleaner.

"Hey!" The boys cheered, happily inviting the woman into the home.

"What movie do you want to watch?" Han asked instinctively, a person's favorite movie can say a lot about a person.

"Um I'm really fine with anything, I'm just here for the snacks, I didn't feel like making dinner." She shrugged, reaching over to pop the pineapple cube from the tray into her mouth. Felix had made sure to get her favorite fruits to set out for her knowing she probably wouldn't eat much else.

"I can't believe you're eating fruit when popcorn exists." Seungmin rolled his eyes at the woman playfully but she just shrugged, nudging his thigh with her good foot.

"Because I like fruit. I'm fruity, what can I say?" She nonchalantly threw out making the boys look at her in wonder.

"I called it!" Changbin cheered, reaching to collect the money from his members.

"Wait wait no." Han argued, swatting the buff boy's hands away before turning back to the woman who was watching the scene in a bit of shock. "Are you lesbian?" Han asked bluntly, making her shake her head, this caused Changbin to huff and pout as the others grinned.

"Bisexual?" Hyunjin wondered earning a shake of the head

"Pansexual?" Felix asked this time earning a nod and most of the group groaned except Lee Know and Seungmin who grinned happily.

"Oh come on!" Chan groaned out though he said they shouldn't spectate her sexuality he did bet on her being straight.

She checked the time, noticing it was time to take her medicine, so she looked at Felix who tilted his head confused until he remembered, he grabbed her hand and led her to the kitchen, setting her up with a cup of water before heading back to the living room.

She took the medicine quickly, panicking when she heard footsteps approaching.

"You've been avoiding me." Chan blurted, crossing his arms as he stood in the archway.

"Maybe I just don't like you."

"That's not it, you were perfectly fine until I offered to help with your pain."

"It was minor discomfort."

"I know what you're really uncomfortable about, and I really wanted to wait for you to open up to me. But it really bothers me that you're so bothered by this."

"I have no clue what you're talking about."

"Guys come watch the movie!" Jisung yelled, making her push the older boy and walk back into the living room, hanging her bag up by the door. She got on the couch in between Hyungin and Felix who both automatically curled into her. Lee Know was sitting on the floor in front of her, head narrowly missing her thigh. Jisung and Changbin were both holding Seungmin and Jeongin hostage with cuddles while Chan sat and sulked.

It was a sweet night, however the conversation irked her, why was Chan so discouraged.

"5, 6, 7, 8" she counted out as the boys worked through the dance, she moved in front of the group, walking out the steps with them knowing they could get the blocking done later.

She needed them to learn this choreography and quickly, they still had a lot more work to do for this comeback.

Since the movie night, she had opened up a little more to the boys. Hyunjin and Felix now become her shadows, while Han kept acting like a little brother she never had, she semi got closer with Chan, as long as he disregarded her issues she'd be fine but he seemed very determined to unravel her secrets.

"Okay 5 minute break guys." She dismissed once they nailed that segment, walking over to her drink to take a sip.

Her eyes flickering to Lee Know who had also taken a sip leaving his lips wet and making them much more noticeable. As soon as she noticed his eyes beginning to shift in her direction she spun on her heel only to come face to face with Hyunjin who was smirking at her.

"I saw that." He said only for her to shake her head trying to be as casual as possible as she went on about not knowing what he was talking about.

"Mhmm." He hummed disbelievingly and passed her a towel to wipe her sweat with, though she hadn't sweat much from the workout, she usually sweat more from the pain in her limb, holding back the noises of discomfort seemed to take a lot more effort than she thought.

"So are you coming over for dinner tonight?" Felix chirped as he approached the two with Changbin by his side.

"Uh that was tonight?" She sputtered, remembering her call last night to the doctor to make the earliest appointment possible which happened to be tonight since there was a cancellation.

"Yea are you coming?"

"I can't." This was odd, she hadn't denied hanging out with them in a few weeks. So it obviously made Felix a bit nervous of her reverting back to a recluse.

"Oh come on! Lee Know is making your favorite." Hyunjin whined, earning a confused look from the woman.

"Why and how?"

"Felix slipped the beans, and we just wanted to do something nice for you with all the effort you're putting in." Lee Know said coming up behind her almost caused her to jump three feet in the air.

"Yah don't do that. And I can't have an appointment tonight as soon as I leave." She tried to brush off.

"Appointment, are you okay?" Felix wondered, almost making her groan in frustration.

"Yea just a routine check in."

"But we made these plans a week ago, you would've told us if you had something going on unless you set it up quickly in which case it has to be an emergency." Seungmin butted in as he also joined the conversation, Oh god she never felt more distressed than she did right then.

"Okay guys back off, her life is private." Chan stepped in, placing a hand on her arm tugging her gently away from the group.

She sighed heavily as she took a seat, not noticing the guilty looks the boys were now sending her after noticing they pushed too hard.

"It's for your leg, right?" Chan wondered quietly as he sat next to her, simply earning a defeated nod in return.

"You know nobody will judge you if you tell the truth." Chan tried to comfort but noticing her fingers pulling at her necklace made him re-evaluate the situation.

"I get that you're struggling, and I also know that you know I'm aware of what happened. I'm not subtle. I'm here to be your shoulder to cry on, or if you need someone by your side at appointments, whatever you need I'm here."Chan assured, making the woman huff a bit to refrain from laughing at his stupid dimple that appeared as he seemed proud of his words.

"We should get back to practice."

And there she was, shitting herself back up in her walls again.

She motioned everyone to get back to their places and worked through it a few more times before ending practice so she could get to her appointment. The fast goodbye made everyone feel a bit worse about the situation except Han and Jeongin who had been chasing each other around the room when it happened.

—

"It's definitely inflamed." The doctor sighed as they took in the irritation on the skin.

"That much I knew. How can I fix this quickly? Nobody I work with knows."

"I'm afraid you can't. You're going to need to leave the prosthetic off for a bit. I can reduce the fluids that build up but the irritation isn't going to go down without rest and space from the friction."

"Okay..."

—

"Wait so she's not coming in for a couple of days?" Felix asked in disbelief as he got the call from Chan, something wasn't right.

"She is going to take a few days to visit her family." Chan tried to cover but Felix scoffed.

"Try again, she hates her family."

"Okay she didn't tell me the reason, just that she needs a few days off."

"We made her that uncomfortable?" Felix took it personally, of course he did but Chan really couldn't save her from this one.

"Just talk to her when she gets back, I'm sure that's not it."

She felt awful, Felix and Hyunjin had been blowing her phone up with apologies trying to say they thought she was just trying to get out of hanging out with them again.

She dismissed the apologies saying they weren't necessary; she just had an emergency to deal with. Nobody believed her. Lee Know had even reached out and he wasn't one for texting much, so he called.

The two accidentally talked on the phone for a few hours, talking about their cats, dancing, cooking, anything they could think of except why she was missing work he didn't press.

Chan had stopped by one day after being at the studio all day to bring her the new prescription since she couldn't leave subtly, he had been a big help through the whole ordeal, though she still didn't let him run out of her soreness. That felt way too close. He understood.

He explained how they went to school together and he had admired her dancing from afar back in Australia, his mother had been the one to tell him about the accident. She ranted to him about how ignorant the Choi parents were, how she hated them so much because of how they treated their daughter. They didn't even show up to the hospital.

So the two sat going over the incident in the confined space of her home where she felt safe, where Chan listened intently and offered his respects for everything she had gone through. He was glad that she didn't blame herself for the deaths, that would've been worse, I mean everyone whispering in her ear about how it was her fault and she still stood tall and continued on with her life. He was proud of her despite only knowing her for a short time.

"I think you should consider telling the boys, I know it's hard but they're not going to judge you. Jeongin and Han will think it's badass, Changbin will probably just be curious, Felix and Hyunjin would probably just go into overprotective mode, Seungmin will probably not care in the slightest, not in a rude way just doesn't see the point in acknowledging things like that. And Lee Know will probably be impressed that you worked against the odds like that."

"I don't want it out, I know it's in the Australian news. That's why I left. I can't deal with the looks again."

"They're not going to see you any differently, I can tell you that much." He had said before leaving, knowing he pressed a limit she didn't enjoy pressure on.

—

She stood in front of JYP nervously when a body collided with hers making her bag and the contents in it fall to the ground.

"Oh gosh I'm so sorry!" Seungmin blurted, reaching down to help her grab her things only for her to try and send him away.

"No it's fine I got it go ahead." She tried dismissing, but his hands were already grabbing ahold of everything, freezing upon seeing the pain meds in his hands.

"This is some strong stuff." He commented before it was snatched out of his hand by the red faced woman.

"I got it." She said, grabbing the rest of her things and shoving them into her bag hurriedly.

It did not take long for the medicine story to spread through the group, all eight watching their choreographer concerned, but Chan had told them all that they needed to respect her privacy, by the end of the day, everyone was finally tired and headed him.

She laid on the ground tiredly, her leg sore from her movements, she took her prosthetic off gently and tried to rub her leg with massage oil, only to wince in pain every moment, so lost in her attempts she didn’t even notice Lee Know walk in, he kneeled beside her quietly and replaced her hands with his own.

“Oh-” Her startled exclamation was hushed by Lee Know simply shaking his head a bit, and quietly helping ease her pain.

Sitting in the silence felt like agony for her but Lee Know was never loud with his affection.

“I wondered why you were distant, we tried so hard to include you, I actually almost started to resent you because of you ignoring our efforts all of the time. Then you agreed, just to avoid us the next few days after hanging out, we were all so confused. But when Seungmin saw your medicine, it started to make sense, well kind of. We knew you were injured at least, I kind of figured you were embarrassed. Then I accidentally overhead Chan talking to you on the phone about the Australian news one day and I know it was an invasion of privacy but I had to know. It wasn’t your fault. I mean in the street photos they literally caught your friend tugging the wheel. The true story is out there, it might not be as popular as the other story but people do know. And I’m not going to let you do this alone anymore, I know Chan was helping but he has 6 other beings to worry about, not including himself. So I’m stepping up, okay? No more distancing yourself. We’re in this together.”

The warmth that surrounded her heart at that moment was almost unbearable, tears gathering in her eyes as she tried to understand the feeling. The complete and utter gratitude she felt to have someone by her side to finally not feel like she has to hide. She felt so many emotions including sorrow for the time she had lost feeling like a burden when she really was stronger than most. And Lee Know helped her see that.

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toxoplasmewsis · 10 days

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I totally agree with you. I saw that my message is not well written. My point, or what I tried to say is that we as a society, tend to view matters in this way, if not, we would not romanticize starving and would not demonize fatness however extreme. And yes I know using the world discipline is problematic, however I'll defend it because thats part of that illness: a sense of extreme control impulse that damages you and make you hurt yourself, it's people who are so ill they will deny themselves the most basic necessities it is a sense of twisted self control.

We have certain images and ideas of how we should look and be. I think obese people fall into one of the most looked down on people because of this.

Lastly, is one thing to mentally put down someone you don't seem worthy. However, as I mentioned, is possible for similar things to happen to both extremely thin and fat people, losing your ability to move and be self sufficient can, and is looked upon badly to say the least.

About numbers YES! Education about food, not letting companies poison us... At least for me, I'm from a southamerican country and we actually have that, and we have less obesity than the US for example. And yes, our resources should go to complete health care in all their ways.

No, I understand that you weren’t necessarily saying it was you, but more of answers that could be given for my question. I just use “you” because saying “society” too many times makes me feel like the jocker. So don’t worry about that part I see what you mean there.

And I think on the self control part, well yea you said it yourself it’s twisted. It comes from disordered thinking. Because I mean, yes and no? You have physically forced your body to not do something it needs, but I do see it as a loss of control in its own way. I don’t think women who are in the trenches are necessarily in control either. I dont always agree with what other people think in cases like this, and the way I see it if you're doing so bad you can't make yourself eat - you've lost control. And i don't think that's something to be ashamed about, but it is what it is and I cant see it as anything other than that. Someone who needs help in that way.

And definitely thin and fat people do receive criticisms and there’s an intersection of disability and ableism there that increases that “disgust” that people feel when someone is immobile, but in regards to specifically fat people - my thought is well. Both sets of women would be heavily criticized. A morbidly obese woman that died from death feederism and an anorexic woman that dies from starvation. Both of these came from mental health issues that can’t be fixed by someone saying “eat less/eat more.” I just think that well, one of those is considered a tragedy and the other is considered disgusting. Is considered to be a joke or “what did they expect eating that way.” It’s the same issue in different directions, but one of those directions is seen as always disgusting while the other one is only seen as bad until it gets real bad. I don’t know if I’m making myself clear on that. Someone said that EDs are normalized in society - I completely agree. I also think that the prejudice directed at fat people reinforces those EDs.

And like yea the education. Ugh. We DO need better education. Absolutely. And tbh that education has to be tailored based on your food preferences cause studies do show you gain more nutrients from foods you actually enjoy (of your culture etc) than those you just swallow down. The more I hear about the food pyramid (that I was taught here) the more it’s like oh…. They lobbied to get their product in the food pyramid not actually because it’s good for you lol.

And like, okay we put in the hours of work to actually figure out a proper diet - some people will be good after this. Some people you aren’t going to be able to reach with education and better groceries though. Like, for me sometimes there are days I just don’t eat because the steps involved are so overwhelming I can’t even make it past the first one. Some days I eat so much it sorta scares me how empty I still feel after. That’s mental illness that comes from a lifetime of issues™ and although I would love to be like, “I’m normal now” if I were given the resources to eat better, I know a big part of it would also be mental for me. It’s why you see soooooo many people who got weight loss surgery die from alcoholism. Their food addiction was never addressed, they became physically unable to continue that food addiction (b/c of a smaller stomach) and turned to alcohol. Because of the surgery, the alcoholism progresses much more quickly. Those people weren’t saved, but they died thin so… win for the medical system I guess. #nomorefatties

My loss of control just looks “uglier” in this society, but my point is like hello…. Does that make me less than? Tbh this sorta goes in with my feelings on addicts too. I don’t think people that suffer in an “ugly” way should like… be made to feel like our very lives can be counted monetarily. Capitalistic misogynistic nightmare society.

Also just to reiterate, I don’t mean “you” personally anon, but more in a “if you believe these things, this is my response to that” way. Sorry it’s just easier for me to write as if I’m personally talking to someone about their opinions than the hypothetical? Idk

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siphonophorus · 9 months

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2, 17, 23, 35 and 41!

BG3 Act 1 Asks

this is sooo long but thank you so much for the ask!! i had a blast as you see >:)c

a jae song to listen to while reading! :D

2. Was there something about the character creator that just couldn't capture your Character? Please tell us about their hair, facial hair, tattoos, piercings, disabilities, their trans or intersex body, or anything else you're comfortable sharing.

plenty of stuff, actually! a quick list (and then summary) would be jae'ku'sureth's (or VENA CAVA's) eyes, thick brows, cheekbones, and sharper jawline, and a more curvaceous body type than the game currently offers for body type 1.

starting with the eyes, due to her poor sleeping habits, mental breakdowns that include crying, and severe eye strain, jae'ku'sureth's eyes often appear red or irritated at times. she averages about ~4-6 hours of sleep, evading her duties as g'lathk-varsh in preference of obsessing over necromancy and "creating an immortal, invincible army for vlaakith" so that she may be recognized. instead of sleeping, she peers over tir'su slates and githyanki medallions containing astral knowledge - and spends over half of her days carrying out unapproved or unsanctioned medical experiments. other times, she has mental breakdowns due to the constant pressure and fear of her kin - despite her paradoxical love for her creche and people. (other times, their eyes may appear pure red should ocular trauma or sudden bleeding occur.)

as for her face - due to where i grew up, i imagine jae'ku'sureth has more prominent cheekbones than what's in the game, as well as thicker lips/bigger mouth. same goes for thicker brows. i know some people in my reservation have these features - though i know a lot of people also pluck them. mainly my inspo for jae's face derives from a few of the wide variety of anishinaabe features but also historical oji-cree/ojibwe women whom i look up to greatly.

(feat bonus painting you did of jae)

finally, for their body - i imagine jae'ku'sureth is taller than other body type 1 gith, but also has a more pronounced chest and hips, yet their skin and physique lends themself more to a ballerina, spindly type build.

this is mainly due to the fact that when they spellcast or maintain concentration spells, they dance - not because the dancing is a physical or material component, but rather its an instinctive action she thinks will make her spellcasting better. almost like a placebo. imagine leaning when you steer a corner in a racing game - it's like that, but magic. ballet's been a long interest of mine, as well as figure skating - so i borrowed from performances. since i dont have many characters with jae's body type either, i thought it would've been gnc to give it to the character whose gith-variant who has a beard like gandalf

17. What does your Character think of Withers?

due to jae'ku'sureth's grand ideations of necromancy, and the belief that THEY will be the one to grant everlasting-life to githyanki, they adore withers and necromancy - to an unhealthy extent. jae'ku'sureth has a one-sided comfort and over-familiarity with withers, opening up to him far more quickly than they do with the other companions or tav. withers recognizes this - but also recognizes them as an adult woman. jae'ku'sureth does not revere necromancy, they dont revel or worship it like some filthy ekor - they recognize the simpering moulding blood and oxidation its held for githyanki and gith - who remains missing! the tenants it filthily dangles over their own weak and their kins' heads tauntingly - reminding them to achieve greater and greater accomplishments! the tether between breathing and bleeding- the reminder of the eternal despite the sharp pangs in your gut and your scratched throat from cries of pain! withers worshipped a god, but like... "mortals!" she'll work alongside him instead - collaboration rather than equipping man like tool like ekor-k'ya disrespectfully do! .... are they getting off-topic? tk! let that be her answer, then. that is her relationship to withers.

23. What are your Character's thoughts on the dream visitor?

(CW for discussions of colonialism and harassment)

since i consider jae'ku'sureth a companion/origin character rather than a tadpoled adventurer, i think they have a dream "lover" as was patched out of EA rather than a dream visitor in full release. as the emperor connects to her mind through the githyanki artefact, and sees jae'ku'sureth's memories of olytin aleantar, it initially mistakes jae'ku'sureth's apprehension and ignored unease of olytin as romantic feelings and attraction. this is also due to olytin's unrequited feelings of attraction to jae'ku'sureth, that jae'ku'sureth subconsciously chooses to ignore.

at first, jae'ku'sureth thinks little to nothing of olytin - an emmissary of eilistraee who one day showed up to her creche, seeking an alliance. working with kith'raks and knights of creche mir'ha'r'tal and offering her skills as an assassin and warrior - alongside poached jewels from olytin's sect of eilistraee. at some point, olytin approached jae'ku'sureth, seeking to get to know the woman better. jae'ku'sureth was scared of strangers at best and aggressive at worst, but olytin proved time and time again to be harmless. utilizing mir'ha'r'tal's "a favour for a favour" political relations, jae'ku'sureth instantly struck up a deal with olytin. olytin can spend time with jae'ku'sureth and have unimpeded access to her pop-up laboratories, and in exchange, jae'ku'sureth gets to dissect her and experiment on olytin's body for their own grand design.

on the surface, everything seemed alright - or, that olytin got the short end of the stick. but jae'ku'sureth's blind trust in olytin was the wrong move. despite the back of jae'ku'sureth's mind picking up on all the red flags olytin showed towards her - incessent attempts to talk late into the hours of the night, showing up outside one of mir'ha'r'tal's many hatcheries where jae'ku'sureth was placed, jae'ku'sureth waking up to finding olytin next to her or watching her sleep, or even olytin wanting to hold their hand against jae'ku'sureth's own wishes - jae'ku'sureth chose to ""underestimate"" olytin. ...or rather, jae'ku'sureth decided to take the chance to trust this stranger in her community for hopes of a mutually beneficial relationship. a mutually beneficial relationship, that'd see creating invincibility and undying for her kin - in hopes that they'd finally recognize and respect her, that she won't be hurt or struggling anymore. olytin left an uneasy feeling in the back of jae'ku'sureth's mind. oftentimes she wished she would leave - but this all came to the surface once the campaign started and jae'ku'sureth began having dreams in earnest of olytin's romantic intent - and she recognized it as malicious. rightfully so, because olytin is revealed to be a cultist of bane. adhering to the depraved and amoral - in every sense of the word. seeking to take mir'ha'r'tal's resources and "correct" the gith living there. there - she found jae'ku'sureth. one who made her smile. and she didn't like that. an obsession, love-hate developed. and olytin begun to hunt down jae'ku'sureth, leading the former to become an avatar of bane. it didnt help that during all of this, jae'ku'sureth's stomach pains were revealed to be from a rather haunting memory - a third party vivisecting and experimenting on her - where she didn't believe she was touchable. it was by a group of mindflayers initially, but the psionic interference of generations under their regime made jae misremember - that it was olytin who opened up her stomach. of course, olytin anticipated a struggle. her true feelings and intentions came out, the red flags became banners - and jae'ku'sureth hated every single moment of it. neutrality or dismissal turned into feelings of ever-burning hatred and disgust, and jae'ku'sureth decided: she'd kill olytin, in contrast to the latter's vacillation of wanting jae dead and alive. at this point, it no longer about avoidance - but rather jae'ku'sureth's own decision. eventually, jae'ku'sureth confronts the emperor about olytin - and demands it expel thoughts of her from their mind. thankfully, it obliges, and they form an alliance for the short while.

i mentioned before that olytin came to mir'ha'r'tal as an emissary. she is intended to be a metaphor of colonialism and colonization in canada. the church coming in - intentions as malicious as ever. olytin is conventionally attractive, highly charismatic. almost disarming at times.

35. Has your Character done anything that they regret in Act 1?

jae'ku'sureth has nothing she regrets in act 1. what she knows she has done her best to achieve - and if anything needs to be rectified, it can be rectified immediately in the present and in the near future. this mindset is what kept jae'ku'sureth alive in mir'ha'r'tal-tu'narath, and the brutal efficiency of it allows her to dominate the fast-paced world of toril, despite her unseeming and hermit-ish nature. though, if something to regret is their unapologetic nature and seeming disregard, then they'll apologize again and again. she'll be earnest every time.

her mind - it moves fast.

41. Is your Character accustomed to being on the road from before the events of the adventure?

no. and she NEVER will be. nor do they want to be.

following their rite of passage into gith society and presenting the ghaik head to vlaakith CVLII, jae'ku'sureth was placed into the lowest caste of gith society - g'lathk, the farmers' caste. what they were trained for. even more humiliatingly, jae'ku'sureth was to be a varsh. teaching children the most basic of skills because those were the only things she were the most proficient in. her placements were due to an unfortunate fact - that jae'ku'sureth was no warrior. she couldn't hold a sword the same way her kin could, and she couldnt work or be bothered with blueprints the way the other yank training to be mlar could. in fact, jae'ku'sureth slacked off in whatever training she could get away with - and showed a lack of engagement or devotion. preferring to idle away the hours in her own interests and beliefs. she would've - and should've - been culled. in fact, this was attempted against her time and time again, by her varshes, her fellow yank, and again by her kin as an adult. but one thing jae'ku'sureth had - was her wits, and her 'street smarts' as istik called it. she proved time and time again, harder and harder to kill, as because before anyone could raise a blade, a boot, or a magic missile against her, she memorized all of the mandates of vlaakith, the ones of the past, and that of gith herself. killing her would be a sin, she'd say, time and time again. and fortunately, due to creche mir'ha'r'tal's mob mentality and dedication to their queen - they'd always fear her mandated words, and side with jae'ku'sureth.

a battle of words, a battle of law. this weak, non-warrior could not die. she would neglect her charges, chasing flights of fancy, she would demean other varshes, githwarriors, and instead culled her own kin. she refused to hold a sword and used the dirtiest tricks in the books. but she could never, ever, seem to die. of course, this didn't stop jae'ku'sureth from getting jumped. it was why she was so aggressive and scared.

because of her slacking off, and the bullying, emotional neglect and abuse she faced from kin both in infancy, childhood, and adulthood, jae'ku'sureth detested working. she was barely seen by other varshes, and when she was, she seemed lazy. she hated growing the mushrooms and meat her kin subsided off, and she was infamous for being a bad cook with poor work ethic - yet snapping at anyone and nearly killing anyone through her wielding of the mandates who hurled an insult. their skin was uncalloused and soft, undesirable by others due to it showing her lack of hard work that their kin so often praised. they bore no scars, because instead of showing a warriors mettle they instead healed away any wound. they grew sore easily, couldnt jump far, lugged a greatsword compared to others - and this detestation of struggle would never leave jae'ku'sureth unless it was something she felt safe and happy around. and the road wasn't one of them.

through their escapism and idiosyncrasy, jae'ku'sureth developed an appreciation for the luxury and relaxations in life unbefitting and unlike her kin. instead, jae'ku'sureth ADORES lounging around in camp - and if you walk with her, she'll complain about sore feet 40 minutes in. or the rock in her shoe. or the bugs. the mud, even. and dont even ask her to lug above her carry weight. she's nothing but a weak g'lathk! she can't carry as much as a strong githwarr- oh, you think she's worth more than those dismissive words...? 😳 ...okay. she'll be upfront then, carry it yourself!

and hey, if you made it this far down this long ass post and you like what you see - take a look at jae'ku'sureth's playlist

#bg3 #jae'ku'sureth

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autisticlee · 6 months

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i've noticed that there's always a lot of discourse about trying on labels like for sexuality and gender for example. people saying if you dont know, don't claim am identity. people complaining about people using labels lying and being fakes. complaining when someone changes their lable/identity.

you even see it in conservatives who whine and cry about gender and sexuality saying stuff like "you can't know that yet/you're too young/what if it changes/you can't just decide now and change later" and seeing queer people say the same things can be super discouraging and alienating.

because the thing is, humans do change. It's a natural phenomenon we can't do anything about. it's perfectly ok to feel one way now and then realize you feel differently later on. it can be because life experiences changed who you, or you realize/discover something, or etc.

also, how will someone know who/what they are without trying things out to see what fits? to see what feels right? not everyone just KNOWS who they are or what they want or how they feel automatically. telling people they can't experiment to see what works does nothing but alienate them and make them feel even more lost and alone.

i know it's a bit more of a touchy and difficult subject and im debating adding it in, but I see a similar discourse for example in the autistic community where people try to gatekeep the identity for only "officially diagnosed" people. (I was trying to think of something else that's not only gender/sexuality because my whole point should apply to more than just queer identities but this is all I could think of atm) i've seen it in other communities as well (mental or physical illnesses and disabilities and stuff for example) you have to relate to an identity basically, in order to bring it to a doctor. usually a doctor won't just say "oh you have this!" on their own; you have to tell the doctor "I think I have this" and sometimes it takes you years of research to figure out things yourself (because we all know doctors can be useless at times) by that point, if someone is putting that much time into a thing, there less chance of them faking it. if they think they have a disorder like DID but don't, then they still need help. but there shouldn't be so much aggression towards people who get evaluated or reevaluated and realize they were wrong. it's actually ok to be wrong and correct yourself later, contrary to popular belief. 1 or 19 or even 100 people being wrong doesn't mean we should let that reflect on *everyone* and let people with ill intent call everyone a "faker"

even if it turns out you were wrong, there's no real harm in trying on things until you reach a final conclusion. it's other people's opnions and reactions to it that are the harmful part.

[imagine if you had to guess what clothes and shoes would fit you, look good on you, and feel good without trying them on, you have to decide on one only, and then you have to keep wearing only those clothes and shoes after that and can never change out of them. that's so silly, right?]

sometimes you have to make guesses about your identity first and get confirmation later. sometimes you guess that you are a cishet man and date a cishet woman and realize a few years into the relationship that you are actually a trans lesbian. It's perfectly fine and normal to change after some time! we all need to not gatekeep and instead support each other. accept each other either way.

if someone feels they are trans for years and transitions and then realizes they are actually nonbinary and maybe slides into a more androgynous state or even stops transition or detransitions, don't call them fake! if someone is aroace and then starts dating, realizing they felt that way due to trauma in the past but were able to heal from it, don't call then a fraud! if a lesbian falls in love with a man and realizes she's actually bi, don't say she lied or tricked you!

yes, I know that there's often stigmas and stereotypes about changing. the whole "it's just a phase" thing for example. or accusing people of "following a trend." and the whole fact that the phobes always try to force their harmful belief that these identities are a "choice" and "choosing" them is wrong. change can mimic "a choice," but change does not always equal choice! someone changing does NOT always mean they are choosing something different. many times in life change isn't a choice!!! the fact that reflects poorly on the lables/communities by those who already have a bias against them is what needs change.

but that's the thing. that's precisely what i'm saying. we need to break down those stigmas around change. so what if it's a "phase" ???? why can't someone have an experience for a short time and then change it later due to whatever reason or circumstances? why can't someone try something out and then realize it's not right later on? why do we have to decide on a label or identity for life while still trying to figure out who we are? why is someone naturally changing or realizing something about themselves considered lying and fake? why do we let other people's bad opinions create stigmas and stereotypes around everything and then let that dictate everything we do? instead of gatekeeping and hurting potential new community members, why can't we break down those stereotypes and stigmas instead? instead of shaming people who try out your lables, why not shame and demonize the people that throw stereotypes and stigmas at you just because someone else is trying to figure out who they are still????? why let haters dictate how you treat others?

choose the right battles. fight the right people.

#lee rambles #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer #what do i tag this as???? too many words. brain tired from words and cant think of tags now #maybe those few will be fine for now #i hope this ramble made sense. it was hard to put into words. so not sure if it came across correctly or not #took forever to write. dont feel like proofreading. apologies for any typos or mistakes

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jayahult · 1 year

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Now, a bit back I saw someone complaining about a site called the Mythcreants, which seems to largely be a writing advice column / blog-type-thing. Now, I try not to badmouth someone without at least giving them a fair shake, and I checked out their site. I think there's an attempt to do some good work here, but I also think what's presented is vastly incomplete and often odd. The problem with writing advice is that it's sort of like financial advice or really any sort of advice - it can easily do more harm than good if delivered incorrectly, and broad generalizations and "musts" and "shall nots" are often wildly unhelpful when making contact with reality. Mythcreants often runs afoul of this, and I kind of wanted to just dissect that for a bit.

The first thing that I feel like is noticeable is their rather extensive Q&A column. I think in terms of advice, Q&A columns are perhaps some of the best ways to dispense it because it's most often someone with a specific problem who comes to Q&A for a solution to that problem, making the diagnosis and subsequent advice usually highly specific and applicable for that specific person, and more broadly applicable once you start spiraling the ideas from that specific application out. Now, the selection of these questions is... sort of weird? Some of them, certainly, are great choices. For example, one person asked "How can I spot bad faith critiques?" That's a great question for a beginning writer or even someone more experienced who feels like they're being harangued a bit too much. No further notes. Others, however, feel... listen, I know I just said Q&A is great because it's specific, but these are too specific or so simplistic that it feels awkward. A lot of the questions are great big "cans" - can I do this, or can I do that, which to me feels like a sign that a lot of these questions are coming in from novice writers who feel like they still need to ask someone for permission to do something. And that's not an insult to them - I was there, once upon a time - but one of the truly wonderful things about writing is realizing that you're very free with it, that you "can" do anything so long as you feel it is a satisfying way to write that resonates with you and your audience.

Many are also "cans" about social impact around marginalized groups - certainly great questions for any author to ask. But I don't think "can" or "should" or "ought to" is really the right way to look at that sort of question. I myself am a trans woman, and I'm disabled mentally and in some respects physically, though many of those physical disabilities have become less noticeable with my adulthood. There are times when I really do see some depictions of trans and disabled people and feel uncomplicatedly offended. I think we can all safely gather round and laugh at Sia or The Good Doctor for being backwards and stupid when it comes to this sort of matter and so on, but it's rarely so clear cut, especially from the perspective of an author or artist. The important part is to be thoughtful, read closely on a topic if you're trying to represent it properly, and then not much else can be done besides consulting members of a marginalized group directly and doing your best to actually write it. I've lived about two decades now and if there's anything I've learned it's that being impolite or insensitive when making a best effort is maybe the least concerning thing that a person can be, at worst an annoyance; and so it is not tantamount to an author to make it their sole priority. The advice from Mythcreants seems well-intentioned in this respect, but with all I've said in mind it also feels insufficient in that area, if that makes any sense. It seems more focused on what one ought not to do rather than looking at the vastness of the possibility present when one really looks at the diversity of the human race and the ways in which we are different.

Additionally, I personally feel like - and this is rude, but I don't know how phrase it - the Mythcreants hate fun. Or at the very least, they hate things that might be interesting in the context of a fictional novel. For instance, they have an article entitled Five Anachronisms That Fantasy Needs. It starts off by being on the face of it inaccurate by saying that it is "historical almost by definition," largely ignoring the vast number of fantasy stories that take place in the present day or near future, but let's move right on past that. The list - spoilers for a several-year-old listicle, I guess - consists of modern medical knowledge, birth control more reliable than sheepskin condoms, acceptance of differences (ex. class, race, gender, sexuality, etc.), reasonable fashion trends (ex. no codpieces, restrictive corsets, lead-based cosmetics, etc.) and standardized time-keeping. The problem I have with all of this is that fundamentally speaking these are things that many people find deeply interesting topics and love reading more about them. People love reading about societies that have bizarre ideas about medicine, that have prejudices so exotic that they seem to turn the world on its head, they love a dramatic pregnancy scare, they love the biggest, stupidest codpieces and most carcinogenic makeup you could imagine and they love having no clue what year it is. Maybe not so much on the last one, but you're sort of picking up what I'm putting down, no? What people find fascinating about past societies is reflected in our fantasies because they are interesting things; the past is a foreign country that we love to explore and play in with fiction, and most audiences are here for that sort of thing. Don't take it from me! Brandon Sanderson apparently has written a hit series about an entire society of feudalistic magical hand fetishists and he's a best-seller. Haven't read it though; still getting around to that one.

Another example of this is their article on "Five Tips for Avoiding Disorientation in Your Opening Hook." I think this is sort of a silly endeavor in the first place. Confusion in an opening is an almost certainty, because nothing has been answered yet and nothing established. There's something to this that I like to call "the Star Wars rule," which basically says that if something's function is self-apparent by how it plays in the story going forward, then you can use that to your advantage and minimize further explanation. If you off-handedly mention that Blahian wine, then audiences will very quickly make the connections that it's probably really high-quality or has sought-after characteristics, because they're probably familiar with the fact that good French and Italian wines are also pricy and have sought-after qualities. You only really need to elaborate on that when, per say, the character from Blah reveals that he's secretly blighted the vineyards to drive the wine prices through the roof and make a monopoly or something, and you can elaborate on how he specifically did that, or what in Blah let him do that, and it'll all cohere. What this means, ultimately, is that you can throw uncertain or unknown terms into fiction and they will be able to come to understand those very quickly by context because humans are generally pretty good at that, and they'll respect you for letting them figure out that little mystery on their own. They focus, for instance, on the opening to Blindsight: "It didn’t start out here. Not with the scramblers or Rorschach, not with Big Ben or Theseus or the vampires. Most people would say it started with the Fireflies, but they’d be wrong. It ended with all those things."

I think this is actually a really good opening, not knowing anything else about the novels. It's... pithy, you know? It gives the immediate feeling of some old guy on a porch telling you about something he lived through that other people didn't. Immediately, what we're being told is that the world is like our own - there's Big Ben and Theseus and Rorschach are familiar names - but something's happened with them that's quite enormous and led to a very big conclusion involving vampires and scramblers and a group named the Fireflies. After all, we don't usually talk about big national monuments with this sort of tone unless something very bad happened to them or in them. The audience immediately knows that the story is going to somehow cover all of these things and they're going to figure out what this all means as it goes along. It being a little confusing doesn't make it bad - it makes it intriguing. The article then goes on to urge authors not to use confusing labels, including not referring to characters by multiple names early in the opening (ex. replacing Paglino with Pag, Gardner with Gard) and minimizing metaphors. I can at least agree with keeping the narration consistent, but I feel like that's true of most writing, opening or not. All of this feels like the writers of Mythcreants expect authors to write books for people who are not curious and are not interested in learning about what they're reading about, or that they think that writing is tremendously weakened by being even slightly ambiguous or potentially confusing for an audience. And again, you don't have to take this one from me. One of the most popular game series of the last ten years was Dark Souls, which has story elements that are almost indefinitely obscured or simply unknowable even in the opening, and people love that, they love debating what version of events is true and what's really going on and they find great joy in that. Hell, last year we got Signalis, a game that opens with a cutscene where the main character picks up a semi-obscure late 19th century horror novel before listening to a German radio station repeating "ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!" before repeating a series of numbers while the main character's face starts dissolving, and then quotes from H.P. Lovecraft start flashing on the screen along with several characters we don't know about, a highly technical fictional BSOD screen and then just the title.

You know what people said to that?

"We love it, give us more, we will speculate about this for months."

Now you may ask, Jay, where are you going with this? Surely you have some sort of grander point about how bad writing advice tends to stem from a prescriptive view of writing that fails to take into account the complex realities of the real world, fantasy worlds and the authorship thereof? And, well, yes. That's the point. This advice is overly specific and prescriptive, and it seems to cater to people who haven't strongly developed their own style and authorial interests that tend to create strong audiences in turn. That's really it. I just chose to tear into Mythcreants because they were around and I had a lazy afternoon to do so. I do hope that if they do see this, they don't take it too harshly. There's nothing unsalvageable about their site or their general milieu, and if someone got something out of their advice I'm glad. I just don't see them as being all that helpful personally.

#polemic #thoughts #mythcreants #this is a bit of an experiment in #making short essays #hope people enjoy #writing advice #writing

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