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fatuismooches · 2 days

Text

cor monstri.

synopsis: Having been awake from your centuries-long coma for quite a while, you’ve become accustomed to many of Dottore’s segments and their unique personalities, along with their love for you. However, there seems to be a segment that’s rather elusive, and you’re going to get to the bottom of it.

includes: dottore (zeta segment) w/ gn! reader

notes: This is a commissioned work! I strongly recommend reading this, this, and this, in order to get a better grasp on this particular segment, Zeta (a sincere thank you to these anons!) Fragile reader tries their best in order to make a particular gloomy segment smile, the man who feels the failure of being unable to cure them for so long.

Il Dottore was a man of many faces, quite literally.

When you were a student with him at the Akademiya, he always wore one - that perpetually annoyed look that kept everyone else away from him, a perfect fit for him as he didn’t want to be bothered. Though you did see his softer sides eventually, it was nothing compared to what you dealt with now. Ever since you woke up from your coma, you were literally looking at his numerous faces all the time.

From 01’s familiar grumpy face to 02’s wide grins, 04’s severe lack of a smile as well as 18’s relaxed nature, and the exuding confidence from 24. There was also your favorite one, the glowing and giddy face of 10 when the child clung to you. Not to mention, all the other segments of Dottore that were around you. It was a lot to see and get used to… but you grew to love them all dearly, so you eventually gave them names. Real names, instead of numbers.

However, there was one segment that was sort of an outlier. It was strange to single him out, considering how eccentric all of the segments were, but with his odd behavior, it didn’t take long for him to catch your eye. 06, now called Zeta, was his name, and you found yourself struggling to understand him, partially because you barely ever saw him. That was probably one of the strangest things - being asleep for four hundred years made it so that all the other segments longed for your company and touch, stealing you away and hogging your attention whenever they had the chance.

But Zeta, he wasn’t one of the bunch. He didn’t initiate anything but instead watched from afar. You would catch him watching you give a kiss or hug to another segment, before looking away swiftly. You would find him staring at you whenever you laughed or smiled widely, seemingly taking in your expression, before retreating somewhere else. You were confused. Did he not like you or something? Was there a period in Dottore’s life where he didn’t like you anymore?! Alright, you knew that was a dumb question, but still. Zeta never completely ignored you or drove you away, but you wondered why he seemed to be so gloomy and distant around everyone.

Zeta also had a face that was obviously familiar yet unfamiliar to you at the same time. Zeta had that fluffy blue hair you adored, and it was slightly longer than Beta’s hair, but not as long or stylized in the way of the older segments. Sometimes you’d notice it would be unkempt for days, and you’d try to brush it for him, although he initially protested and tried to leave quietly. Still, you made him sit as you weaved the hair brush and your fingers through his locks, which you greatly enjoyed but you weren’t sure if Zeta did as much.

The other segments usually spoke to you, even if it was just small talk when they were busy. But again, Zeta was an odd one. He was always quiet around you. Regardless, whenever you did something sweet for him, no matter how small, he would show some form of gratitude. That was another odd feature of his, the other segments weren’t nearly as openly kind. Of course, they could say those nice words when it was something big, but Zeta seemed to make it a point. Was he really grateful for such tiny acts? You weren’t sure.

Zeta had those gorgeous red eyes that you loved to peer into, but his eyes seemed different from the other segments, and Prime Dottore himself. The others donned a familiar glint that you loved to see, proof of their ambitions and goals and research regardless of what others thought. Zeta’s eyes, however, seemed rather empty and dull to you. Still beautiful of course, but still. And while Delta had a permanently stern expression, Zeta was also quite serious, but he just seemed… somber, in a way. He never smiled. You wondered why. You think he’d look even prettier with a smile, just like how your other lovers do.

Asking your beloved, Prime Dottore himself, didn’t give you much answers. You should have expected that, but it was still disappointing.

“Dottore, all the segments are from past stages of your life, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Like how Alpha is from when you were a student and Omega is you from not too long ago…”

“That is correct.”

“So what stage of life is Zeta from?” Your question makes your lover pause for a mere moment, before moving his pen again like nothing happened.

“It was when you were still in your coma,” was his simple response, much to your dismay.

“Okay…? Almost all of your segments are from when I was sleeping! I mean, is there anything… specific that happened during that time? Anything particular?” You pressed, hoping to see why Zeta would be so drastically different from his other segments.

“No, I simply attended to you and my Fatui duties as usual.” You had to stop yourself from groaning at the obvious lie. There had to be something that had happened to make Zeta so stony-faced and subdued, compared to Prime’s outward and self-assured nature. And despite the complications your illness brought, your determination remained and that only meant one thing.

You were going to understand and love Zeta, no matter how much work it took.

—

Even though you knew where Zeta’s office and room were, whenever you went to find him, he was nowhere to be seen. You don’t know how he manages to be so slippery, but luckily you have a plan. Because no one can be more persistent than you when it comes to pursuing Dottore! You knew that periodically each of the segments reported to Prime whatever they were researching, and that even included Zeta, who seemed to never have much to do with him or have any agents under his command either. (Did he work completely alone? You knew all the segments liked to work by themselves, but they still had agents that worked under them for menial tasks. Zeta didn’t seem to speak to anyone else though.) Regardless, you were just going to lurk near your lover’s office and wait until Zeta finally popped up.

Thankfully, your experiment was a success.

When Zeta exited Prime’s office, you were right there, patiently waiting for him. His normal monotone expression was mildly surprised, probably not expecting you to be right there. Before the segment could speak, you leaned closer, your eyes staring directly into his, which had a permanent darkness underneath.

“Zeta! Hi! Hello! How are you?” Your words came out a bit awkward because of how long you’ve waited for this moment, but you didn’t think it was much of a problem. A few moments passed, as he took in your form, the one that was alive and breathing right in front of him instead of the one that never responded to him. You tried to ignore his intense stare before you got flustered. Just what could he be thinking about? You felt you understood Dottore and all the others well, but Zeta… well, he was a mystery that you’d crack. Hopefully.

“... I am fine. And you?” He had already begun walking but had trouble doing so as you were practically circling him excitedly. The sight made his chest oddly warm, but his usual expression remained, giving away nothing to his true feelings.

“I’m good too! Besides all the other stuff of course,” you didn’t see how his face tightened at the indirect mention of your illness, “But anyway, I have a problem. A very serious problem that only you can help me with,” you declared.

“And that is?” Zeta watched as your cheerful demeanor turned more serious.

“You’re the only segment I’ve barely spent any time with. That makes me quite sad. I want to get to know you some more, Zeta,” you said simply, having no interest in beating around the bush. “I know we haven’t spoken a lot but… I would like to change that. I mean, I know you probably don’t like to speak to people but…” You fiddled with your sleeve a bit nervously now, “But I would still like to try. I like you a lot, you know?” Zeta looked at you as you spoke, noticing every small detail that crossed your face, your eyes that blinked shyly as you bit your lip. Every movement of yours was mesmerizing for the man who once constantly stared at your unmoving face.

“So… what do you say, Zeta?” Ah, that’s right. You were waiting for an answer, now bearing a hopeful look. He should decline, the segment thinks. He’s satisfied with watching you go about your day.

“If that’s truly what you want, then I suppose nothing I say will be able to deter you,” the opposite comes out of his mouth, a feeling that’s buried deep within him, one that can’t help but come out when you’re near. Before he can speak again, to say that being with him probably won’t be the experience you’re looking for, you joyfully celebrate by wrapping your arms around the segment. You fight the urge to kiss him on the cheek.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise it won’t be boring!” Your warmth envelopes Zeta’s body, an unfamiliar sensation that has him frozen. So this is the sweetness that Prime and the other segments indulge in every day? And yet in his mind and body, your coldness from long ago still permeates him. From when you weren’t even able to respond to his words. Before you can notice something is wrong, he tentatively places his hand on your back, making sure his fingers do not twitch from how starved he is for you.

And then your days with Zeta officially began.

—

Rather quickly into your attempt to understand Zeta, the most important thing for you was to get to know him. Talk with him. Figure him out. You found that this task was difficult yet simple at the same thing. Zeta answered your question concisely as you expected him to, but… that was it. He was to the point and nothing else, not the conversationalist like his other segments. It left you with a lot of gaps to fill. Especially since you had no exact idea of what era of Dottore’s life he was from.

But still, you enjoyed your time with Zeta.

You learned that his area of research was medicine, creating and modifying new types for the Fatui’s use. But more importantly, he helped to create medicine for you. You didn’t expect that - you thought only Prime would do such a thing, but Zeta was incredibly skilled. You learned that he did indeed work with no one else at all, having “no interest in dealing with them,” according to the segment.

You also learned that he was immensely attentive toward you, especially when your illness seemed to affect you the most. His eyes followed you when you thought he wasn’t paying attention, examining your body language and expression. If you were dizzy, he’d force you to sit down. If you looked to be more tired than usual, he’d make you go to sleep. The most you had heard him speak so fluently without stopping was when you had the “audacity” to still visit him while you were running a slight fever.

Well, perhaps you should have expected that considering the others would react in a similar way, but you felt as though he was especially serious about it. While the other segments could entertain your excuses to an extent, he wouldn’t. It made you wonder if his stronger feelings had someone to do with his personality. You felt bad for worrying him… perhaps you should try to cheer him up. Actually, making him smile too. Yes, that would do nicely. But how? You weren’t sure if the tricks (more like a bombardment of affection) would work on Zeta. Still, there was no harm in trying.

I. plan a - attack with affection!

“Zeta~ whatcha doing?” You had come up from behind him as he sat in his chair, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Zeta instantly takes note of your warm breath on his neck, the rise and fall of your chest, but ignores his longing for more.

“Reviewing the effects of the medicine on the others,” he replied, neglecting to mention who exactly was being tested on. You sighed, enjoying the fluff of his hair, but slightly disappointed at how he didn’t seem to be fazed whenever you touched him.

“Don’t you think you should take a little break? You’re always working,” you advised as you kissed the stoic man on the cheek. Pretty much all of the segments were constantly working or engrossed with their research, but many found some time to slack off with you, even for a few minutes. Well, it was more like you forced them to do so, but that was beside the point.

“I do not have time to spare with such things,” is Zeta’s immediate answer. All this annoying Fatui work he has to do takes up so much of his time when he should be focusing on helping to cure you. It’s extremely irritating for the segment, but of course, you don’t know that. You whine a bit, nipping his cheek to get him to reconsider, but the consistent somber look remains.

“At least let me keep you company,” you said. Before he could protest or accept, you had already pulled his chair out to make yourself comfortable on his lap. This technique always worked, tested multiple times by you. You had to fluster him at least a little bit! His deep red eyes bore into yours before he sighed.

“If that is what you would like,” he said as he continued to work on analyzing the records in front of him. You were content with lying against him, head braced against his shoulders. At some point, you noticed his hand now rested on your thigh and then moved up your body, which you delighted in.

“You are very warm,” Zeta finally commented after a while of silence.

“Me? Warm?” You were a bit surprised because you were used to being told that you were pretty cold, mostly due to your illness, but Zeta didn’t seem to think so, considering how his arm was snaked around you firmly.

“Yes. Quite warm.” At least compared to all those centuries ago, Zeta thought. You looked at him curiously.

“Do you like it?”

“I do. It helps with focusing.” You almost giggled at that. Here you were trying to distract him, but he said you were helping him focus.

“Then let me warm you up some more,” you whispered, hands slithering up to his shoulders as you pressed your lips against his neck, leaving long kisses down to his collarbone. You then kissed his cheek, trying to gauge his reaction. Still, he wasn’t even blushing, as composed as always… well, a lot of the other segments were like this too, but you hoped you’d be able to see a similar expression as when you teased Alpha.

“Come on Zeta, don’t I deserve some kisses too?” You teased, as your lips got dangerously close to his, nearly brushing each other. You felt him stiffen up at how close you were, his eyes struggling to stay focused on his papers.

“Is it ever possible for you to show restraint?” You smiled at the snarkiness - even though Zeta was more a lot subdued than the others, you still could be a victim of his sarcasm.

“Of course I can. Just not when it comes to you. You’re just too cute,” you said before locking your lips with his, finally indulging in such pleasure. At first, Zeta’s lack of response made you worry that he didn’t want it, but soon enough he kissed you back. It was gentle at first, a bit unnoticeable, but after a few moments, he kissed back harder, catching you off guard. You pulled away, trying to regain your breath, but he then kissed you again, not letting you escape from his grasp. The kiss was greedy, and the way his fingers dug into your arms was as if he felt you would slip away if he didn’t hold onto you hard enough. Of course, you welcomed the feeling along with your beating heart, although you were speechless by the end of it, only staring at the segment with your mouth slightly ajar. Zeta had an amused glint, a refreshing look from his normally empty gaze.

“Why so surprised? Is this not what you asked for?”

“I- Well, yes, it was. And I am not disappointed,” you quickly replied, hoping to seem not too bothered by that sudden assault. Looks like he flustered you instead of you flustering him… but you know what? It was still a win!

“You know what this means, Zeta?” You looked at you silently, beckoning you to continue.

“Mission accomplished! I got you to take a little break, didn’t I?” You giggled at the success of your little plan, while Zeta’s eyes softened a tiny bit, the bags under his eyes looking a little less dark.

“... I guess you did.”

Plan A resulted in a semi-success and failure, but you think you’re a step closer to seeing a smile on Zeta’s face.

II. plan b - gift him something nice!

Gifts were always a good way to make someone smile. How could one not smile, after seeing someone else go out of their way to get something that was thoughtful? No one, that’s right, well, except for Dottore. Some of his segments, to be more specific. You remember quite well when you used to gift Dottore things in the Akademiya, he would always be suspicious of your ulterior motives. Thankfully, he’s changed now, because it would be difficult to have your partner of four hundred years wary of your intentions.

However, you were unaware of what kind of gifts Zeta would like. All the segments had their own preferences that you took into consideration, but you had only gotten to know Zeta recently, so you weren’t sure what he’d like yet. Should you cook for him? You could, but you had already given him a lot of tasty treats. You wanted to get something better for him. In the end, you simply decided to ask him.

“Zeta, what do you like?” You questioned, as you idly observed what he was writing. You think it was something about selling stuff to another Harbinger.

“What do I like?” He repeated. It was an odd question because he thought you’d know such things by now, but he still humored you. “Successful experiments, for one.” You giggled.

“I know that. I mean… if you had to receive something right now, what would it be? A gift, you could say. I could even make something for you!”

“A gift? That’s right, you used to be quite skilled with your hands,” Zeta reminisced about your past creations from when you were a student, more to himself rather than you from his expression, as he ran his longer fingers over the palm of your hands absentmindedly. A good pen that didn’t break would be nice, but he knew that was probably impossible.

“I do not require anything at this moment. There is no need to bother with it.” You hung your head in disappointment, which you should have expected, but you were unwilling to just give up like that.

For a while, you brainstormed. You thought for ages about what gift would be best for Zeta, and one day it hit you.

A picture frame.

Recently you had become knowledgeable about the “Kamera”, a device that took “pictures”, which were images that were captured permanently. It was fascinating to see yourself reflected back at you like that. Zeta liked to stare at you, his preferred method of communication to be honest. So would it not be a nice gift, a picture of you that he could look at whenever you weren’t around? And you could decorate the picture frame cutely! It was perfect! You were excited.

You didn’t bother asking another segment to take the picture for you, because you knew they’d get jealous if they found out what you were preparing for Zeta. You rather not have to think of over a dozen poses to do for each of them right now. You settled on a simple smile for the picture, placed some stickers along the frame that definitely didn’t match the vibe of Zeta’s office, and then put it there one day for him to come and see. You decided not to say anything, wanting to see his reaction.

As soon as he walked into his office, he immediately noticed you lying down, poorly pretending to be reading, and then his eyes wandered to the new addition on his desk. Zeta sighed at your determination, a trait he did admire about you even if you were annoying about it sometimes. Taking a seat, he then looked at the gift you had presented him with. The picture of you glowed back at him, a pretty smile that belonged on your face. It reminded him of the smiles you had back in the Akademiya. There were also the heart stickers that you plastered along the frame, that was simply so you. [Name].

“It is good. You seem adept with a Kamera, which is not surprising.” Your heart stuttered at the praise.

“It is fun to use. We should take some pictures together! I need to add them to my scrapbook.”

Zeta only hummed in response, his mood unusually better than usual, and glanced at the photo for a few more seconds. He then moved it to a better position and returned to his work. You held back a smile.

Plan B was definitely a success!

III. plan c - make him laugh!

Something that always made you laugh was when Dottore or the segments laughed. You always found it captivating to see how different their laughs were. Segments like Alpha and Delta rarely laughed, and when they did, it was more like a scoff. Omega’s laugh, which was usually when he was amused, whether it was genuine or in a mocking way, always made your heart flutter. Beta’s laugh, where you joined in with his hee-hee-ho-hos. So naturally, you wondered how you would get Zeta to laugh. Yes, you knew that you hadn’t even gotten the segment to smile yet, but maybe getting him to laugh could be a step in that direction.

Should you pull out some of your favorite terrible and corny jokes? Well, that probably wouldn’t be very effective - those jokes only served to make you laugh at the segments’ disgusted and humorless expressions. Especially with a segment like Zeta, you think that for all of the loving looks he gave you, he might give you one that made you want to crawl into a hole.

Maybe he was ticklish? It was worth a try, actually - Zandy always ran away when you tried to tickle him, and when you tried to tickle Dottore back in the Akademiya, you think he nearly broke your arm. It didn’t work on the older segments, but maybe it would on Zeta!

On the day you put your plan into action, you were in the perfect position on his lap, examining the best spots on his body that could possibly be ticklish. His ears and neck, or perhaps you should just go for his sides instead. Your hands curled into his shirt automatically, fingers moving up to his side when Zeta spoke.

“I would prefer if you pulled these tricks on the others rather than me, especially when I’m working.” It took a few moments for you to process his words before you sat upright, trying to defend your innocence.

“Hey! I wasn’t going to do anything!” You said, pulling your hands away, but Zeta looked at you blankly.

“There are times when I cannot figure you out, and there are times when you are a very obvious person. This time is the latter.” You pouted at the half compliment, half insult as you snuggled into his shoulder in embarrassment, but Zeta spoke again.

“However, I recommend going for the neck if you are still insistent,” he said, and you immediately regained your energy as your hands gripped his shoulders, wandering dangerously close to his neck. “Though, I believe using your lips would be more effective,” Zeta added on, and you paused as you thought about what he was implying.

“... You’re just trying to get me to kiss you, aren’t you?”

“I am simply giving the answer you seek.”

“You know, you’re just lucky I like giving you kisses,” you mumbled, before giving in to his request. Well, that backfired, but this outcome wasn’t at all bad!

Still, it seems like Plan C resulted in a failure…

IV. plan d - try to discover the truth!

You’ve spent a while with Zeta by now, learning quite a bit about his likes and dislikes - how he didn’t have a preference for being kissed, satisfied with your soft lips being anywhere, how he hated being bothered by any other agents even if it was only occasionally. How his favorite places to kiss you were your wrists and chest, along with the hollow of your neck, exactly where your heartbeat was, and how he quickly became agitated if you showed even the slightest sign of discomfort from your illness.

You loved Zeta and all his little quirks.

But you still had little information as to why he was so dour all the time. It hurts your head sometimes, after listening to Beta’s exuberant rants or Omega’s effortless charisma or even Prime’s endless discussion of his latest research, to Zeta’s quietness that came with dull eyes staring at you. Sure, you had gotten him to open up a bit, but it was just too strange for you to let go of. Maybe you could just ask him, but you didn’t want to be rude… but if you wanted to make him smile, you wanted to know why he was so serious yet so down all the time…

The next best solution was to investigate his stuff. Yes, it wasn’t the nicest thing ever, but you needed answers. You had already glimpsed around Zeta’s office a bit, because you liked to help him wherever you could, and you didn’t see anything that could be a clue. So the next best place was his room. Granted, all the segments’ rooms were pretty bland and empty, but it was still worth a shot.

After you woke up from your coma, the segments started leaving their personal rooms unlocked, because you loved to wander into them and take naps on their beds. Even though they hardly visited their own rooms, it was a nice surprise to come back to the sight of you sleeping peacefully, definitely falling asleep to the scent of their shirt. And it wasn’t like anyone else could find the location of their quarters. Therefore, it wasn’t hard to slip into Zeta’s room.

Of course, his room was practically a copy of all the other rooms. Regardless, your eyes swept through the room, landing on the desk with drawers (because for some reason, they still could work in their own rooms.) That would be a good place to look. Taking a seat at the desk, you found nothing but boring reports, talking about some Patient E43 or X12 or whatever, nothing you were interested in.

Pulling open the drawers, some more loose papers were scattered about, none catching your eye, until you came across a notebook stashed toward the back. It was oddly familiar to the one you remember reading from when you first woke up, that you found in Prime’s office. Curiously, you picked it up and began to skim through the writing, taking note of the date that was from around two hundred years ago.

“It has been centuries since I last heard [Name]’s voice. I must keep replaying their annoying laugh and nagging tone in my head before I forget how they sound in this deafening silence.”

“Pierro spoke to me today. He didn’t say anything outright, but I knew what he meant. My research has slowed, but can’t these other idiots can operate without me? I have important matters to attend to.”

The entries went on, and on, and on, all detailing numerous failures and unsuccessful attempts of Dottore’s. Then, you got to the ones where the date got closer to the current time, a couple of decades ago.

“Even though my hands brush their skin every day, I seem to still be unaccustomed to the coldness of their body.”

“Their pulse is always the same. A dreadful, slow, heartbeat, that is nearly nonexistent. I despise it. And yet no matter how many trials I run, it remains the same.”

You continued to flip through the notebook that detailed so much about what he did in your coma, unethical actions that bordered on desperation. Even if he didn’t directly say his feelings, you could feel them flowing through you. Suddenly, Zeta’s nature made complete sense. It was due to the overwhelming failure he felt, even guilt, you’d say. Even you thought it was an uncharacteristic thing for him to feel - you rarely ever saw Prime display guilt unless it was a serious argument. But it was the only explanation, from these entries at least. Your heart suddenly began to hurt. You caused Zeta all this pain, in a way…

“Are you finished?” The voice now made your heart spike with surprise as you slammed the notebook shut, scrambling up from your seat to see none other than the segment, looking at you with an expression that seemed to say he wasn’t really surprised.

Now, this was just the most classic, cliche thing that would happen in one of the romance novels that always made you mad, but now that it was happening to you, you felt immense embarrassment.

“I- um, well,” you sputtered, trying to find an explanation, but there was none. “I’m sorry, Zeta. I’m sorry.” You avoided his gaze while he sighed.

“Go ahead. Ask what you’ve wanted to ask since the beginning.”

“Did you write this?” Your voice was quiet, the sadness layering over it thickly, as you put the notebook back where it was. No need for it anymore when you had Zeta in front of you.

“Yes and no. The more recent writing is from me. The earlier ones are from Prime himself, though I suppose you could consider it me as well since I am him from that stage of life,” he said as he began to walk toward you, until he was standing in front of you, taking note of your downcast look.

“Zeta… all of this, I don’t…” The vast emotion you felt from the writing made your head swing because you never thought Dottore could feel so… strongly, in that kind of way.

“Those fools from above tried to take you away from me… they tested me,” he breathed in your scent, finger tracing along your neck to feel your pulse. You tried to ignore how quickly you were heating up by the close proximity. “But they failed. Of course they did.” The malice in his voice then dissipated as he stepped away, gritting his teeth, and you already missed his warmth.

“But I…” You quickly interrupted him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly.

“You did not fail me, Zeta. Don’t say that,” you murmured as you brought his hand closer to your face, nuzzling it to your cheek. “I’m alive and breathing in front of you, aren’t I? That’s proof enough of how hard you worked. You don’t need to worry anymore,” you tried to comfort him.

“It is not enough,” he snapped, leaving you silent, as he then realized he didn’t mean to direct that tone toward you, stroking your cheek as a quiet apology. “I should have been able to wake you up sooner. I should have been able to cure you by now. If I was successful, things wouldn’t be the way they are now.”

Your heart couldn’t help but ache at the segment’s pain. You had no clue that he or Dottore himself felt this guilty when you were sleeping. The only thing you could do was hug Zeta, enveloping him in your arms. It was then you realized that even though you wished you could rid him of his sense of failure and guilt right now, you knew you couldn’t. It was a key characteristic of his at this phase… so you could only promise him something.

“Zeta… I can’t change the past or how you felt back then… but I can promise that my heart will never stop beating for you ever again. My arms will be here when you need them, I’ll talk to you so much you’ll miss the quiet, and I’ll make sure I keep you so warm you’ll overheat. I’ll never keep you waiting ever again,” you said gently but firmly, fingers curling into his shirt, hoping your words would reassure him a little bit. Zeta remained motionless for a few moments, and you worried that you said something wrong, but he then wrapped his arms around you too, holding you tightly.

“I will hold you to that, [Name],” he said, his voice still tinged with his regrets but also held something a bit softer.

“Of course.”

“There will be consequences if you go back on your word.”

“I know.”

“I mean it.”

“Yes, darling. You need not worry again.”

“Hmph…” Despite his gruff words, the way he held you said it all.

Plan D seemed like a failure on the surface, but you think you were pretty successful.

V. plan e - get a smile on that face!

It had been a little while since your numerous encounters with Zeta, and it was from then that you found out how clingy he could be. Nuzzling into your soft body, holding onto you when you said you were leaving, not wanting to relinquish you to the others. Now that you knew what he went through, you easily understood why though. However, you didn’t mention it at all unless you wanted to be ignored.

And now that you had gotten him to speak a bit more, you were blessed with the usual Dottore you knew and loved - more quips and banter filled the room, instead of the once-normal silence. Still, he liked the quiet between you two better, preferring to observe everything about you and take note of every change you went through, no matter how tiny it was. In a way, it made you more embarrassed than when the other segments would fluster you with words.

More importantly, you were able to become a bit more skilled in convincing Zeta to take breaks. You didn’t want him to constantly work on either his Fatui duties or your medicine, even though he was made to do so. So now you had convinced him to take merely a ten-minute break on your bed after he had finished a nightly check-up. It was always interesting to see how his touch would be fluttering and unsure at first, and then become firmer as he continued to take your presence in. And right now, he was taking in how you were fiddling with his fingers and playing with them. A sure sign that you were thinking of something.

“Is something wrong?” The blue-haired man questioned, as he ran his hand through your messy hair. Zeta liked seeing you like this, even if you tried to shoo him away from how disheveled you looked. It was much more preferable than seeing your unsettlingly perfect appearance and unmoving body, even if you kicked him in your sleep sometimes.

You sighed as you then turned on your side to face him, squinting your eyes at him carefully. Out of nowhere, you then moved your hands to the sides of his face, squeezing his cheeks in an effort to pull up his lips. Of course, it was over as quickly as it started as Zeta quickly removed your hands, scowling at you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He said, not appreciative of the sudden tugging of his face. You only pouted as he held your hands hostage.

“I’ve spent this much time with you, and I still have yet to see you smile…” You buried your face into the soft pillows to lessen your disappointment.

“A smile?” The segment scoffed. “Is that what you were after the whole time? How meaningless.”

“It’s not dumb! It’s very important to me,” you protested. “Please, can I get a smile? A grin? Even an annoying smirk would do!” You pleaded with Zeta, seeing as it was your last resort, considering all your other plans didn’t work. Unfortunately, it looked like it wasn’t going to work on him in the slightest.

“No.”

“With sprinkles and cherries on- mhph!”

“Go to sleep,” he interrupted you as he pressed a finger to your lips, silencing your plea, before getting off the bed, already returning to his work. Sadly, your arms weren’t long enough to drag him back in time.

“Zeta,” you whined, wanting to indulge in his embrace some more although the blankets were already quite warm. “Don’t go so quickly.”

“Your eyes are drooping. The medicine is kicking in, so go to sleep,” his dry response made you grumble, but you knew he was looking out for you in his own way.

“Fine… good night, Zeta. Love you.” The segment had no response other than switching off the lights, and letting you get your rest.

You fell asleep thinking that hopefully, Plan F would finally get him to smile, not aware of the small smile that graced his lips.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #dottore x reader #il dottore x reader #dottore fluff #genshin dottore x reader #genshin dottore #dottore angst #il dottore #genshin il dottore #fatui harbingers x reader #fatui x reader #zandik x reader #genshin impact dottore #dottore genshin #genshin impact x you #fragile reader <3 #divider by cafekitsune

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slytherinshua · 2 days

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STEP ONE: MAKE OUT

genre. fluff. small misunderstanding so ig a tiny bit of angst? warnings. making out (first time i've ever written it properly so i hope it's okay) but not rly suggestive. misunderstanding bcuz junhan is introverted to the extreme. fairly new relationship. pairing. junhan x fem!reader. wc. 1.6k. request. requested by anon: can i req a junhan angst/fluff where the reader feels upset bc junhan doesn't show much affection so he makes up for it to her? a/n. wrote all of this in the car and half of it was while i was literally falling asleep BUT NONETHELESS I THINK IT SLAYED AT LEAST I HOPE IT DID AND SOSOSOOOO EXCITED TO BE WRITING MORE FOR XDH HEHE <3

No one had prepared you for this. Not Gunil, not Jooyeon, not even Hyungjun’s own mom. You had thought you knew Hyungjun pretty well, though you were still fairly early in the relationship. You were familiar with all of his habits and behaviours; the way he liked his coffee, what time he woke up and went to sleep, his night time routine and the sort. You were just getting to the point where you were staying over at the dorms a bit more regularly, enough to call it your second home by now. You enjoyed hanging out with the members and took pride in the fact that Hyungjun would always pick you in a room full of his best friends.

But in all your time, you had never seen Hyungjun completely shut himself in his room all day. You saw him briefly in the kitchen at breakfast, but only when he was on his way to take his food back to his room. He ate alone for all 3 meals yesterday, and this morning seemed to be following the same trend. You were shocked, and even starting to wonder if you had done something. What had him needing to spend so much time in his room? Did he not want to hang out with you?

Hyungjun had always been extremely introverted; you knew that. It was one of the things you liked about him, enjoying his patience and calmness compared to past horrific dating experiences. You felt that when you two were together, you didn’t have to worry too much about the future, but just stay in the moment together. He helped get your mind off of things.

But the space and silence that you usually enjoyed was starting to make you overthink. It was too much space and too much silence, and you were almost certain that if you went another day without seeing, talking to, hugging, and kissing your boyfriend you would go insane. Unlike yesterday when you hadn’t tried to get his attention, you had been trying to get his attention to make plans for the weekend all day. Given how all of your efforts had been unsuccessful so far, you were starting to think that he just didn’t want to talk to you at all for some reason.

Every time you tried to strike a conversation with him, it would end as fast as it started. That was if you could even find Hyungjun in the first place. Once he disappeared from your sight, you had no idea where he went. He left the dorms several times without telling you, and you had gotten disappointed every time you thought he would be in his room, only to find it utterly empty.

Whatever was on his mind, he seemed extremely busy with avoiding your very existence, and to be honest, it hurt.

You decided that you had finally had enough. You were going to get his attention no matter what, even if you had to drag him away from a task. And weekend plans aside, you just frankly missed Hyungjun at this point. After dinner, you followed him on his way back to his room. As he flopped on his bed, you stood in the doorway, a small frown etched on your face. You weren’t even sure how to bring it up. You had never really had to talk about anything like this with Hyungjun before. What if it really was something you did?

You knew how your exes would react; probably by calling you entitled and needy, or that you were making it all up entirely. But Hyungjun wasn’t like your exes— he was better than all of them combined, and was far more considerate than they could ever dream to be. You had no reason to be scared— as long as you hadn’t done something you weren’t aware of, Hyungjun wouldn’t make up excuses to ignore you. He would always tell you the truth, right?

“Did I do something?” You asked quietly. You didn’t sound mad at all, just confused, hoping that Hyungjun would catch onto what you were talking about in case you really did do something.

He looked up at you, blinking those curious eyes a few times before his eyebrows furrowed, “Did you?” You couldn’t see his facial expression too well thanks to his long bangs concealing most of his face. You sucked in a breath at the non-answer and hoped that he wasn’t glaring at you.

“I’m just confused because you’ve seemed kind of… distant lately. Today and yesterday too…” You trailed off, walking a bit further into the room to try to see his reaction better, hoping you’d be able to gauge whether this topic was worth pursuing further or if it would just end with both of you upset at each other.

“Oh… Did I?”

You nodded, “I know we aren’t the most affectionate couple, but… you haven’t hugged or kissed me for days... And every time I tried to get your attention today, you kept switching the subject. I barely saw you after this morning because you shut yourself in your room or were mysteriously out of the house. Is- Is everything okay?” You asked carefully, trying your best to not make it come off as if you were blaming him.

“Did I really do… all that?” He sounded genuinely shocked, “Shit I’m so sorry, Y/n. I didn’t even think about how much I’d talked to you today or yesterday, my brain was so overloaded...” You felt a weight lift off your shoulders at his response. So it wasn’t either of your fault.

“Jun!” You scolded and smacked his arm lightly, “You really got me overthinking everything I did today. I thought I upset you somehow— you’ve never ignored me that much in a day.” You confessed, a lot more at ease now that he had cleared your worries.

“I’m sorry! I think I was just preoccupied with comeback preparations… The new songs are fun, but also hard. I keep thinking about my riff and- I don’t know, I just want the performance to be perfect, you know? But… Can I make it up to you?” He asked sweetly and you raised an eyebrow, wondering what he had in mind.

When he reached over to tug you down onto the bed, you gasped. Hyungjun was rarely bold with physical affection. Most of his hugs and kisses were delivered at predictable times, and only lasted for a few seconds due to his own shy demeanour. You adored how flustered he got around you— found it adorable— but this Hyungjun was completely different; one you had never seen before. Not only had he pulled you onto his lap, but his lips were on your neck before you even had time to say anything.

You had only made out with him once since you had started dating, and neck kisses were far bolder of a move than you expected from him. They were sweet pecks placed to whatever skin he could reach, and once he had you situated so that you were facing him, he dove in to taste your lips as well. You closed your eyes and eagerly kissed him back. If this was the Hyungjun that you got from expressing your disappointment that he had been ignoring you, you would gladly take it every day.

He held your waist, one hand squeezing your hip as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue tentatively past your lips. Though the action was bold, you could tell how nervous he was trying something new like that. It felt good, though. Really good. Your tongues intertwined softly, and you could taste all of Hyungjun. You had always been addicted to the taste of his lips since you shared your first kiss, but this was completely different, and one hundred times more addicting.

You were breathless by the time you pulled away, unsure of how long you had been kissing him, but absolutely certain that you wanted more. Your boyfriend seemed to share the same sentiment, as his lips lingered on the side of your lips, pressing gentle kisses there while he caught his breath as well.

“I didn’t know you had that in you…” You commented, still breathing a bit heavier. As soon as your boyfriend heard your words, he buried his head in your neck and you giggled. There was your shy Hyungjun back.

“I didn’t either… Just felt so bad… Didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you…” He mumbled cutely, and you cooed. Your fingers were still tangled in his hair, but you let one drop from his locks and pushed his chin up so he was looking at you.

“Did I ever tell you… that you’re a really good kisser?” You whispered with a giggle. Hyungjun grinned, though his cheeks were bright red; whether from your compliment or leftover from the heated kiss— you weren’t sure.

“You too.” He said back, leaning forward to taste your lips again. You could tell there was barely any nervousness this time, as he didn’t waste time in pulling you closer to him and pouring all his passion into the kiss.

You had yet to say those 3 precious words to him, but you were absolutely positive that after tonight there were no other words to encapsulate your feelings towards Hyungjun. You were in love with him, and your heart was practically shouting that he was the only one for you… for the rest of your life.

↳ xdinary heroes taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @eternalgyu,, @kangtaehyunzzz,, @haecien,, @weird-bookworm,, @blossominghunnie,,

@seunghancore,, @heavenfilm,, @sobun1est,, @talkingsaxy

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indigochromatic · 3 days

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Some Basic Advice About EMDR for Systems

(drawing on our own experiences, reading about it, and comparing notes with our therapist)

This is mainly aimed at systems who are considering doing EMDR or planning on it, but want to know what the process is like and what to look out for, with some personal experiences sprinkled in.

Under the cut, because I talk a lot:

General Concept

I think the big picture in our experience is that EMDR is/was like…an intensifier for the kind of headspace/internal system interaction processing work that a lot of systems do naturally, at least a little, especially if they have decent internal communication. This has both upsides and downsides/areas to be cautious about.

A lot of EMDR pre-work (often called “resourcing”) is about making sure you have a good toolbox of “mental tricks/techniques” to be able to handle unexpected intense emotions, feelings, and/or imagery etc that often comes up when you get into trying to work with traumatic stuff. This is in my opinion very important, and something your therapist should take at least a few sessions to talk with you about even if you already have good tools for it already, just to make sure they know your strategies and you’re all on the same page. Also super common and normal to spend some time developing extra ones if needed—stuff like “the box” for temporarily containing crisis emotions when needed, having a mental “safe space” that you can come back to, etc. Also, EMDR specifically tends to often be a little rigid/scripted in the types of visualizations and metaphors you’re “supposed” to use, but in my opinion a good therapist should be flexible enough to adapt to equivalent images/techniques you may already have (like, “imagine you’re viewing the traumatic memory on a movie screen, or out the window of a train going through a tunnel” is a common instruction; if, say, your headspace has a lot of fantasy elements and it makes more internal sense to be viewing the memory via…scrying in a dish or something, your therapist should be down with you doing that instead, if you want to).

As for the sessions themselves, a big thing we don’t hear articulated a lot is that, in our experience and that of some other folks we know, EMDR has a tendency of being…like, sneakily intense: It doesn’t necessarily hit you all at once in the session, which may just feel like “ok, that was Some Therapy Work but I’m chill”, but then over the rest of the day and maybe even the next few days, it’s not uncommon to keep feeling a lot of emotional intensity/vulnerability, having more intense “internal conversations and/or realizations”, etc. For this reason, EMDR is generally supposed to start with a very mild memory-to-process, like 4-5 out of 10 max.

Notes of Caution and Stuff to Keep In Mind

Especially for folks who already heavily dissociate from emotional trauma, it’s super easy to think you’re “going too easy” only to find that the memory has a lot more emotional baggage than you realized—really go easy on yourself when you start, EMDR is like psychology power tools and you absolutely can hurt yourself. (We’ve heard from plenty of systems who had bad therapists who did not adequately support them in doing EMDR, and absolutely fucked them over by starting too big and retraumatizing the hell out of them— this isn’t meant as fear-mongering, especially if you really like and trust your therapist, but just genuine “hey, EMDR can be very volatile stuff, which is part of why it can be so helpful, but also means that it’s important to not skip out on the safety precautions and self-care”.) What this means in practice is often stuff like: (our recommendations at least) - trying to schedule breaks/easy days immediately after - possibly getting someone to drive you home, especially if you know you’re going after a Big Thing, because the dissociation hangover immediately after can be pretty real - start with a memory that feels "too easy", and scale up if a week later it still felt trivial/like you’re fully over it, because it’s way easier to ramp up than try to do damage control.

Our personal experience, in tl:dr form, was that it felt like the core of the technique was really useful for us, and mirrored some of the most useful instances of self-processing we’d had before while also kind of serving as a “shortcut” to it—but, it was pretty intense and we didn’t really like/fit well with the therapists who we were working with at the time, which is why we stopped (didn’t want to keep doing an emotionally intense thing with folks we didn’t trust).

Finally, a bit about EMDR and "maybe I'm plural but I'm not sure, and/or may not have great in-system communication": yeah, this is a case to be especially slow and careful, for all the aforementioned reasons; what my instinct/recommendation would be in those cases is to: 1) make sure you learn a lot of resourcing techniques 2) try to check in with yourself(s) frequently and with compassion/intent-to-collaborate, "ask the inside of your head how it's feeling" and even if you're not sure whether the "reply" was just your own thoughts or a headmate, listen and try to engage with/respect those responses and emotions 3) if you start getting warning signs/back-off signals/sudden intense feelings, listen to them and lighten up, pause the session if you need to, do some self care etc, even (especially) if you don't know why you felt that way and it seems 'odd/random', and really you're super curious about what's going on and just want to figure it out. Like...you and the inside of your head and/or other system members are trying to navigate a complicated D&D maze together, in the dark, and you each only have part of the map--so you have to work together and trust each other, especially listening to warning signals even when your "part of the map" doesn't show anything to worry about there. And the more you work together and trust each other, the better everything gets, including therapy work.

When it's "Death By A Thousand Papercuts"-type Trauma Instead

If you're not sure where to start because there aren't a lot of obvious "Big Bad Memories" that feel like they adequately explain the issues you're having, some recommendations:

-> First, note that "no Big Bad Memories are immediately coming to mind, idk" is super common in systems and also in CPTSD, way more than I think most folks realize, so know that you're not alone and also that it doesn't mean you don't necessarily have stuff deserving of help and support.

-> So yeah, there's kinda two things imo you can try. The first is, if your therapist is on the more flexible side, you can try doing EMDR with either "this specific memory wasn't too bad, but it's representative of an ongoing pattern or theme that wasn't great" (say, loneliness at school or something, and you pick a specific lunchtime memory, which wasn't really That Bad in the moment, but you were kinda sad and/or upset about it and it feels representative of the overall trend you're trying to process/heal). Or you can try just doing the EMDR process on the theme itself, at the abstract level, and see what comes up--again, I'd really recommend starting with a much lower-stakes issue/theme than you think you need, just because it's really easy to underestimate, especially for systems and other folks whose brains dissociate a lot. (And especially if you know your system has episodic amnesia--e.g. event-amnesia/blackout amnesia--as well as emotional amnesia.)

The second is, there are other "more flexible" types of similar somatic therapy techniques (brainspotting is the name of another one, and there's more I can't think of rn) that might fit better instead-- tldr, totally worth asking your therapist about the whole situation, and asking what they'd feel most qualified for/comfortable with, in my opinion. You don't need to be doing Specifically Exactly EMDR to do somatic trauma therapy, even though EMDR is one of the more well-known modalities for it, and finding a version that feels right and not like you're forcing anything is really valuable (and you're not 'being picky' if it takes a while to find one; you're allowed to want to find one that feels right).

#S.txt #system stuff #system experiences #plural system #plural community #sysblr #uhh help me out with tags here folks #this isn't just restricted to DID/OSDD systems btw it should hopefully be relevant for any systems who are in therapy and/or trauma therapy #endo safe

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aspenaspenaspenaspenaspen · 2 days

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I don’t like how the Sokeefe confession went down, because it felt so abrupt compared to the build up of the series.

I think this because the whole series it’s Keefe who’s loved Sophie since the beginning, Keefe who hinted his feelings and flirted with her, and Keefe who couldn’t confess. And it was Sophie who couldn’t figure out her feelings and was oblivious to his. So it felt strange that though Keefe technically confessed first in the letter he left, it was Sophie who initiated the actual confession.

I understand that all the build up for Sophie confessing was in Stellarlune, but it just didn’t fit with the rest of the series, and honestly, felt unfair to Keefe (from a readers stand point, I’m sure he’s very happy in cannon). He should have been the one to confess.

I’ve heard people complaining that Chapter 42 was written like a fan fiction, and I disagree with this statement for two reasons, one that I think this is supposed to be insulting the actual writing of the scene, and I would never insult Shannon Messangers writing, and two because I don’t like to spread that fanfic writing is bad because fan fiction can have some amazing writing.

However I can see the similarities to Chapter 42 and fanfiction. As an avid reader of fanfiction, a reader can tell when the fanfic author is just writing a confession as a way to get the characters to kiss, the confession may be abrupt without a lot of build up, but also may just be very easy and quick. And that’s sort of how I felt reading the Sokeefe confession. It felt too easy for all the build up and angst and unrequited but eventually requited love that is Sokeefe.

Keefe should have been the one to confess, and Sophie should of had a harder time accepting feelings instead of pining for Keefe the entirety (?) or Stellarlune, and it should have been more difficult. Also Ro shouldn’t have been peer pressuring Sophie….

….And that’s the real controversial take here. Because, I do genuinely believe Sophie likes Keefe in cannon. I’m not a big Sokeefe shipper but I saw where this was going throughout the series. However in cannon, to the reader, it looks like Ro had to convince Sophie that she liked Keefe, and even if I think she does, it still feels like peer pressure when reading it. And I think Keefe would also be disappointed if he heard that it was Ro who convinced Sophie that she like him, because it should have been Sophie battling with her own feelings, not Ro telling her how she feels (regardless of if she was correct).

If I were to rewrite the Sokeefe part of Stellarlune, I would’ve have Sophie understanding that part of the letter, but pushing down her feelings and choosing to be oblivious in order to avoid facing her feelings when she already has so much going on. Have her think about Keefe while he’s gone, and be jealous of Biana (or suspicious whatever you’d call it) in that one scene but have her obviously be falsely justifying it in order to push down those romantic feelings.

Then when she does find Keefe, make her avoid mentioning the letter at all costs. Have it hang over their heads at every moment their alone together, have it be awkward. Then, on accident have her mention the letter. Let there be a pause.

Let Keefe be a bit bitter about Sophie refusing to acknowledge anything. Have him be all like “oh so you did see the letter.”

Have Sophie still refuse to talk about it. “yeah, I guess I was so distracted with trying to find you I didn’t really think about it (lying). was there anything important in there?”

Have Keefe’s eyes turn dark “no, I guess not. (lying)” and have him rudely stalk of.

Then later have them doing something for the black swan with their friends, looking over scrolls, idk research or something.

Have Sophie be frustrated after the scrolls don’t tell them anything important. “why can’t the author of these just tell us what this means?” She should grumble

And Keefe should say “well maybe you should read between the lines to figure out what they mean.”

Sophie throws down the scroll in her hands “well maybe people should just say what they mean instead of writing it down in a way that can mean anything!!” Keefe sets down his scroll, walking off outside. No one else knows what’s going on but Sophie sighs and follows him out.

“Keefe! Wait!” She shouts. Keefe would whirl around, tears in his eyes.

“Don’t you think I’ve waited long enough?”

Sophie stares at him, surprised that he’s crying.

“I’ve waited this whole time to because I didn’t want to pressure you. But you can’t even acknowledge it.”

“Because I don’t know what “it” is! You left, and you leave me this note, and I’m just supposed to understand what it means?”

“You know what it means! Why else would I write it?”

“You wrote it because you were leaving-“

“I WROTE IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU”

“YOU WROTE IT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!”

Suddenly there are tears in Sophie’s eyes too. “You’re accusing me of avoiding all this but you were just as willing to! You didn’t want to confront me with your feelings so you wrote down your confession, but now you’re back and all you can do is shout it at me.”

Keefe takes a step closer, his eyes wide.

“How am I supposed to know you mean it if you don’t say it?” Sophie looks down, tugging at an eyelash.

Keefe takes another step closer, taking her hand in his. His voice is croaky and wet but each word is clear.

“Sophie Foster…I love you.”

And that’s when it all hits Sophie, because that’s everything she needed to hear and all the things she’s been stuffing down comes up and hits her all at once, and she physically stumbles into Keefe.

“Foster?” Keefe asks, catching her. Sophie looks up and makes eye contact with him.

“I think I’ve just fallen for you.” (The joke is that she actually fell over. In case it wasn’t clear.)

#kotlc #sokeefe #is- is this anti sokeefe?#I don’t think so but if anyone wants me to tag this differently or add tags just tell me and I will #also maybe I’m completely wrong about this idk #i just feel like Stellarlune made me stop shipping sokeefe #and that’s my fault but I’m also just picky #keefe sencen #sophie foster

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thedemonsurfer · 18 hours

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-chinhands- I know everyone is up in a tizzy over Moon, but I wanna take a step back and look at the chain of events that have led to Moon's current state of mind.

And the root is Dark Sun.

So, Ruin Thanos-snapped a bunch of dimensions, and Solar is a casualty of that. Cue multiversal grief, Ruin getting locked up again, Eclipse getting bullied by Puppet and Frank into helping, and Moon declaring that he's going to find a solution.

Stuff happens next. Eclipse tries to pick a fight with Dark Sun and runs into his security system like a deer tangling with an electric fence, and also gets Something done to him. Moon finishes scanning Ruin, turns around for 2 minutes, and Ruin gets kidnapped (again). Moon hits a dead end with his research.

And Moon falls apart.

Up to this point, Moon had been pushing his grief off for later. There was a solution to this, he just had to find it. And that hope drained away over the course of the month, until he found a solution that involved sacrificing someone. Also the most justifiable candidate for this just left with spaghetti dinner.

Now, here's the crucial point. Because this is where Moon could have started to heal. He's being faced with the enormity of his grief, he's a few weeks behind his sibling on processing it, but he has the opportunity to do so here. There's nothing he can do to fix this, and he'll have to accept Solar's death.

This is fine. This is normal. This is healing.

And then Dark Sun showed up, grabbed Ruin out of the fridge, stapled him back together, and dropped him off on Moon's doorstep.

And Moon snapped.

Suddenly, he doesn't need to heal. He doesn't need to move on, he doesn't need to process. Opportunity is back on the table, and Moon latched onto it with hands and teeth, and he's not letting go.

It's not really hope anymore at this point, I think. It's desperation and fear. It's thinking himself a fool for even considering giving up on this chance. It's him moving his target from Ruin to Bloodmoon to possibly Eclipse or Stitchwraith or anyone else that's 'expendable'. It's using himself if he can't find a substitute.

And it's not about Solar, now. It's about control-- control over death.

And the root of control is fear.

And what he's afraid of, what Moon is actually fighting right now, is the fear of losing any more of his family. He has to bring back Solar, because it will prove that he can bring back any of them. If something goes wrong he can fix it. He has to fix it.

(I've got a whole aside comparing Ruin to Moon, but I started this thinking about Dark Sun specifically, so i'll try to stay focused)

So! That leads back around to what does Dark Sun get out of this?

Again, Moon was at a point where he could move on, until Dark Sun very deliberately intervened. This is exactly the same thing Ruin did by making Eclipse as a diversion to keep Moon occupied-- Moon is being nudged in a specific direction, and it's this plan for sacrifice. Eclipse apparently has an idea that won't involve sacrifice, and Dark Sun tampered with him so that he may or may not be dying (or his code is breaking down because it was based on Solar's).

So what does Dark Sun get out of it? Does he want to co-opt the procedure and use the energy or whatever for his own ends? Does he know the consequences and want to see them play out? Does he want a solution to the 'wiped from existence thing' as well, and is encouraging Moon to take the fallout if something goes wrong?

(They've said that time travel isn't a thing, I believe, which is a damn shame, because I think it'd be neat if Dark Sun was Solar in a time loop situation, where Moon brought him back but wrong and in the wrong time, and he's spent the past ??? years working back up to this point and is getting the loop closed. This isn't the solution but what if it was.)

Anyway, if Dark Sun interferes again to clear the way for Moon, that'll cement that he's directly benefiting from this, and we'll just have to see how things pan out.

OTL

#tsams #essays #the sun and moon show #its a mess y'all #and yeah like the dream and stuff absolutely did not help #but it wasn't anything Moon could have acted on had Ruin not turned back up

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foggieststars · 1 day

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say what ur thinking (re oscar gif) let’s go wren

thought too much about the way he blushes so here's 700 words of girl!oscar. idk what this is

---------------

“You go like, proper red,” Lando says, poking Oscar’s cheek. “D’you know that?”

Oscar pulls away, startled. “What are you - what?”

Lando laughs at her reaction. He’s been like this since day one; overly-familiar, baffled by Oscar’s seeming recalcitrance.

Not on camera, though. They’d both gotten a very stern talking-to from the marketing team about how it didn’t look right to have Lando’s hands all over Oscar in their videos. People might get the wrong idea.

“Your cheeks,” Lando says, gesturing at her face. “You like, blush. A lot.”

Oscar’s hands go to her cheeks. Sure enough, they’re warm, and growing warmer with every passing second. “Can’t help it, can I,” she responds, trying to keep her voice steady. “‘M like, pale. Comes with the territory.”

“Yeah,” Lando says, pulling up his hoodie sleeve. “You really are.” He presses his forearm against hers, comparing the difference in tones. “Christ, Osc, you need to get some sunshine.”

Oscar swallows, goosebumps erupting along her forearm where Lando’s is touching hers. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t really tan?” she croaks, watching Lando’s face. He drops his hand, starts drawing little circles around the moles on her arm.

“Really?” Lando asks, and Oscar shakes her head. She’s pulled a bit of hair too tight in her plait, and she can feel it tugging at her scalp every time she moves. “You’re from Australia, though.” The constant motion of his finger on her forearm is making her skin tingle, something in her stomach going molten and warm.

Oscar takes a deep breath and reminds herself that Lando’s got actual supermodels in his DMs, that he couldn’t be less interested in Oscar. It doesn’t matter that this feels like flirting, the juvenile way Oscar watched girls in her year compare their hand sizes with boys they liked. Lando’s not interested.

“You should come to Ibiza with me in summer,” Lando shrugs. “Soak up some rays.”

Oscar snorts. “I’m going to a training camp with Mark.”

“Kinky,” Lando says, wiggling his eyebrows. Oscar rolls her eyes and looks away, like she always does when Lando jokes about Mark. Her blush has climbed all the way to her hairline now. She’d really like to finish her salad, actually.

“Shame, though,” Lando continues. “Reckon you’d look good in a bikini,” Lando grins, the way he does when he knows he’s pushing something too far. “You wear one of those ones with the thong? Look dead uncomfortable, them.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Oscar says primly, well aware that her face is on fire. Plus, she’s like, getting wet. Which is completely fucking ridiculous, and she shouldn’t be, but it doesn’t matter. When she shifts in her chair, she can feel the damp heat in her underwear.

Lando wraps his hand around her forearm. It’s infantile and ridiculous and stupid, but Oscar really wants him to do that thing that boys do, where they wrap their hand around your wrist and see if they can get their fingers to touch.

Well - it’s what Oscar’s seen boys do. None of them had ever wanted to do it to her.

“Yeah,” Lando says, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. “I would like to know, actually.”

Oscar’s breath catches in her chest, eyes darting up to find Lando’s. He seems serious about it. It’s not fair, the way it makes the blush spread down to her chest, the traitorous open neck of her polo shirt letting him see. His eyes dart down for a second, following the path of the blush, and that just makes everything worse. She’s caught him looking at her tits before, but this is different. It’s like, intentional, or something.

Oscar opens her mouth, ready to ask if this is a joke, if he’s made some sort of twisted bet with his mechanics that he’d be able to get Oscar to spread her legs before the summer break, but she doesn’t get a chance.

“You guys ready?” one of the marketing people asks, clapping Oscar’s shoulder, unaware that she’s interrupting. “We’ll need you in meeting room six.”

Lando looks up at the woman, all heat gone from his eyes, smiling sunnily. Oscar wants to take a bite out of him. “Is that the one with the broken aircon?” he asks, pushing his chair back with a screech. “Might need to change rooms. Oscar’s looking a bit warm today.”

#ask #my fic #is this anything

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roguelov · 2 days

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okay new angsty idea:

what if, after finding out the three of them are soulmates, y/n is just like "nope, absolutely not." maybe they had bad experiences with love and relationships in the past, or simply aren't interested in it, so they avoid dream and hob. and maybe they already know who dream is and about his past relationships and don't trust him because of how those all went.

just, dream and hob having to really put in the work to make y/n trust and like and eventually fall in love with them.

YEESSSSS GIVE ME ALL THE ANGST PLEASE AND THANK YOU

You have been scorned in the past, and Dream’s reputation (along with his and Hob’s immorality thus previous relationships) makes you frightened. You dare not give these men an inch because you know the truth despite being their soulmates this relationship will only end in heartache (maybe to make it more angsty you’re not immortal … yet). So you know your life is short compared to their eternal ones so why try? Why put in effort into a fleeting relationship, why waste their time?

Perhaps Dream and Hob do keep their distance but slowly try to enter in your circle. They start with simple hellos and conversations and sometimes to are polite and reply and other times you are short with your answers. Maybe in the Dreaming, they are able to get closer to you since in the Waking you’ll excuse yourself claiming you are busy. And maybe in the Dreaming, you start to open up more.

You could also have it that in the Dreaming, nightmares come reopen old wounds of past relationships which Dream and Hob see, which offers some explanation to your distance behavior. Also maybe they comfort you after a nightmare, Dream tells it to leave while Hob assures you that you’re okay. And this can be where you truly pinpoint where you start to feel something for them

Then it becomes a lot of Dream and Hob being patient and caring and understanding while you slowly want to become part of their lives. You start to lean into them physically and mentally and your smile becomes brighter and your laughter louder. And these two become more and more infatuated with you and soon the three of you are inseparable

And as a final note, you definitely will say ‘I love you’ first. Dream and Hob don’t want to back you into a corner and make you feel overwhelmed so they go at your pace and eventually you say it and they immediately response back and give you gentle loving kisses

#the sandman #morpheus #dream of the endless #robert gadling #hob gadling #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader #hob Gadling x reader #hob x reader #morpheus x reader x hob #Dream x reader x hob #x reader #anon #ask

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merlieve · 2 days

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bibliophile :: jess mariano x reader

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 & 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞/𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬

𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 | 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠/𝐬: 𝐍𝐨𝐧𝐞

𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭!

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Note: i wrote this while listening to “si tu m’aimes demain’ by iliona + the intro is inspired by 500 days of summer, so that’s basically the vibe of the story 😋 Ik there isn’t a market for GG fics but I just love me some Jess.

SUMMARY | Jess says something about how it’s a shame that people arent as beautiful and interesting as books, but he looks at [Name] and realizes that she could be the only person who could be compared to the books he loves.

The soft glow of Luke’s Diner’s sign casts a warm ambience onto the quiet street, the last remnants of daylight as it settles to the night sky.

Inside, the diner was practically buzzing with people, the sounds of plate clattering and a few conversations filled the air.

Ring. The sound of someone coming inside alerted Jess but he didn’t bother to stand up from the bar stool.

“The Old Man and the Sea? I love Hemingway!”

Jess was so caught up in his world that he failed to notice the girl seated next to him at the diner countertop. “Excuse me?”

“I said I love Hemingway,” She repeated, now gaining Jess’ full attention. “You have good taste in books.”

“Thanks, uhh?” — “[Name]” The girl said with a smile. ‘A pretty name for a pretty face’ thought Jess, looking at the girl beside him up and down.

“If you read Hemingway, I’d suggest Bukowski if you’re into poetry.” She recommended, looking down at her nails as she was slightly nervous by the way the boy was looking at her.

“I take it you like classics.” Said Jess, putting down his book.

“Oh, I like any genre! Mystery, historical, sci-fi… you name it.” Smiled [Name] as she rambled about her interests.

Jess found it adorable. “Quite the bibliophile, aren’t ya?”

“Guess you could say that, stranger.”

He was just about to ask for her number when someone came behind the counter.

“Jess, your break’s over.” Said Luke, glancing over the teenagers in front of him.

“Well, duty calls.” Sassed Jess, grabbing his book by the counter but not without giving the girl a wink. “Bye, stranger.”

Ever since that day, Jess couldn’t seem to get [Name] out of his mind and it didn’t help that she was everywhere; the quaint bookstore, at school, the library, even at the Walmart he works at, and that’s at Hartford!

If Jess had learned anything by being [Name]’s friend is that he knew that the way to her heart was to challenge her.

The two could make a conversation about just about anything, whether it was debating the end of The Bell Jar or trying to find the best coffee place in New Haven.

When she talked about her favourite books, Jess had the time of his life listening to the passion in her voice. And it wasn’t only him. Whenever Jess talks, [Name] sounds like she’s actually interested in whatever he’s talking about.

They’d exchange books, they’d lend each other books and return them fully annotated with their own opinions. They’d have study dates after school, which skyrocketed Jess’ grades by a ton and he even helped [Name] out with her AP classes. They’d go to each other’s houses to have movie nights, [Name] would pick some kind of chick-flick and he’d be “mad” at first and then grow on to love it.

Every time he spent time with her, his blooming crush would only grow and grow. At some point, he realised that his feelings for [Name] went beyond simple platonic attraction and not only did that scare him from having a genuine friend at Stars Hollow but it was how he couldn’t contain it.

Not to mention, Luke started to get sceptical when Jess said he was going to school. Since when did Jess actually go to school?

“I’m leaving!” Shouted Jess with a book bag slung across his shoulder as he closed the door.

Luke’s curiosity got the best of him and he followed Jess to a house. He knew it, Jess was lying, again. But right before he was about to reprimand him, a girl who seemed about Jess’ age walked out of the house, she looked a little familiar.

The two seemed to talk to each other for a bit before walking back… in Luke’s direction.

Luke had no choice but to hide in the prickly bushes to remain hidden from his nephew’s sight… ouch.

Later that Day

“Why’d you got a bandaid on your nose?” Asked Jess, referring to Luke’s earlier injury.

“It’s nothi- just shut up.” Challenged Luke as he walked over to refill a few coffee mugs.

A few hours passed until closing time and the diner was starting to get empty. Just when Luke was about to clean the countertops, the front door opened. It was the same girl Jess was with before.

She approached the counter with a friendly smile, the kind of smile Luke hadn't seen in a while.

"Hi, is Jess here?" Asked [Name], her eyes wandered around the diner.

Almost on cue, Jess walks out of the kitchen and greets the girl with a smile. “Oh, great. Are we throwing a fiesta or organising a pity party? 'Cause, you know, I'm just on the edge of my seat here.” Babbled Jess.

"Jess, I got a 95 on AP Bio!" The girl excitedly says, holding a paper in the air. "Really? Let me see," he replies, walking over to her.

“What, you don’t believe me? Well, it’s there and it’s in a big red mark with the words ‘Fantastic’!” She eagerly hands it over, her eyes shining with pride.

“Look at that, Ms. Fantastic,” Smiled Jess as he looked over her paper. “You hungry? It’s Danish day. C’mon it’ll be my treat.”

After hearing the news, [Name] gasped, “It’s like the stars were aligned” She giggled, taking a seat at the nearby table.

Once Jess walked over to the counter to grab a freshly cooked Danish, Luke cornered the boy.

"So, what's the deal with you and that girl?” he asked, his tone more curious than accusatory.

Jess shrugged, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. "Just helping her out with her AP classes. Turns out, I’ve got a brain in this pretty little head of mine."

Luke raised an eyebrow sceptically. "And since when did you become the tutor type?"

Jess rolled his eyes, “I like her, she reads Hemingway.” He said as he looked at [Name] who was still walking on cloud nine.

Luke nodded, understanding dawning in his eyes. "She’s a good influence on you, kid. Don’t screw this one up, okay?"

Jess scoffed, but there was a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Yeah, well, don't go spreading that around. I've got a reputation to maintain."

#merlieve’s fics ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚#gilmore girls #jess mariano #jess mariano x reader #jess mariano fanfic #gilmore girls x reader #gilmore girls fanfic #jess mariano x y/n #jess mariano x you #jess mariano imagine #gilmore girls imagine #drabbles #jess mariano fluff #fluff #gilmore girls fluff #gilmore girls x you #milo ventimiglia

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pluralfuture · 2 days

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Happy Pride! To (coincidentally) celebrate, here's the next part in my series inspired by @thisbelongsto-nohbodys 's AU. This time, with a focus on a soft moment between the two new girlfriends and the consequences of their actions when exploring that tomb. Also, please feel free to give constructive criticism.

CW: Just fluffy shipping nonsense in this one

The Consequences of Our Actions

Lily flopped backwards onto her bed, sighing softly. While Mae Anne had been more happy that Lily was alright than angry Lily had gone into an ancient unknown tomb in search of adventure, that hadn't meant Anne hadn't been angry at all. And so, after she and Azura had confessed their feelings for one another, Anne had come in and informed them that any dating would have to wait as Lily was grounded. And so, that led to Lily's current mood. Bored out of her mind.

A knock came from the door, and Lily heard her Mom Sasha's voice. “Lilypad? Mind if I come in?”

“Sure.” Lily said, counting whatever she could find on her ceiling.

Sasha entered the room and sat by her eldest daughter on the bed. “Hey. How are you holding up?”

Lily shrugged. “Fine.” It was a white lie. She had been having the occasional nightmare, but Lily didn't think it was that big a deal. So what if she woke up in a cold sweat, covering her mouth so she didn't scream in the middle of the night? To her, that was nothing compared to nearly dying. Sasha, however, knew something was bothering Lily, and didn't share her opinion.

“Lily,” Sasha spoke carefully, trying not to go full psychologist on her daughter, “look, I can tell something is bugging you. You might see it as minor, but believe me, it's not so minor that I can't notice.”

“Yeah, but it's your job to notice if little things are wrong.” Lily replied with a slight eye roll. “Look, if I think it's a big enough problem to tell you, I will, Mom. I promise.”

Sasha sighed slightly through her nose but nodded. She knew that she had to get Lily to open up, either to her or someone else, before it got that bad. But she also knew better than to push this. “Okay. Just remember, you're never alone.” Sasha gave her daughter a soft kiss on the forehead and got up, leaving the room and closing the door behind her

Taking a deep breath, she went to the kitchen, where Anne was currently deciding what to make for dinner. “Anne, we should invite Azura over.” She spoke bluntly. Anne turned around with a raised eyebrow.

“What? Sash, I get Lily may be bored, but she's grounded. That means no girlfriend. Either going out to see her or her coming over. If she really wants to speak to Azura, she's allowed to call.” Anne said, turning back to the fridge.

“Anne, Lily's going through something. Something bad. But she probably thinks it's not as bad as nearly dying, so she's bottling it. She won't open up to me, and I doubt she'll just open up over the phone.” Sasha sighed. “Look, I just… we need to get on this before it becomes something she tells us about.”

Anne turned around with a frown. “You think the encounter with that armour messed her up that bad?”

“I can tell when someone's not sleeping as much as they should.” Sasha said simply.

Anne sighed. “Alright. I'll invite Luz and Amity over, let them know to bring Azura.”

Sasha pulled her wife into a soft embrace. “Hey. Lily will be fine, okay?” She softly pecked Anne on the lips. “Trust me, it's not always good to be a stern parent.”

Anne nodded and kissed her wife back, stepping out of the embrace and pulling out her phone. “You have a degree in this stuff, so I'll trust your judgment.” She said with a soft smile, dialing Luz's number.

It was only about an hour before the Noceda-Blights arrived, their travel time helped thanks to Mr. X working with Amity to create more portals between dimensions, including more portals to the Isles. Anne answered the door. “Hey, thanks for coming on such short notice. I ordered some pizza, so that should be here soon.”

Luz smiled. “No problem. Always happy to visit.” She said, entering with Amity.

Azura followed behind them, more nervous than she usually was. This was her first time entering the Boonchuy household as Lily's girlfriend. When her Mama had told her they were headed over for dinner, Azura could only assume Lily's moms wanted to have the “You're dating our daughter” talk.

Sasha approached the witchling as Luz and Amity made their way to the living room. “Azura, thanks for coming with your folks.”

“N-No problem.” Azura stammered, now realizing how muscular Sasha was, hoping she would never anger the older woman enough to know what it felt like to feel how muscular she was.

Sasha placed a hand softly on Azura's shoulder. “Hey, no need to be nervous.” Sasha said softly, with a warm smile. “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.” Sasha's smile faded. “Though, I did ask for you to come for a serious reason.”

Azura looked up, confused. “A serious reason?”

Sasha took a deep breath. “Something's bothering Lily. She's not sleeping enough, and I think it may be nightmares about that thing you two encountered the other day.”

Azura's eyes widened. “Wh-What? Is she okay?” Worry instantly took over her voice.

“She says she's fine, and she'll tell us if she stops feeling fine, but if she's the way she is right now, I'd rather she not get worse.” Sasha explained. “She won't talk to her moms, so… I figured her girlfriend might be able to help.”

Azura nodded, and went to head to Lily's room, but Sasha gave her a gentle pull. “Let her open up on her own. Don't force it. That could just end up causing you two to fight.” Sasha advised, before heading to the living room.

Azura took a deep breath and headed to Lily's room, knocking on the door. Aftering receiving verbal confirmation from Lily to enter, Azura did just that, closing the door behind her.

Lily shot up into a sitting position with wide eyes and a slight blush on her cheeks. “A-Azura?”

Azura smiled softly, a blush reaching her own cheeks as she sat by Lily. “Your moms invited us over for dinner.” She said, answering Lily's unasked question. Azura gently took Lily's hand in her own, interlocking their fingers.

The two sat there silently, blushes on their faces and barely able to make eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. Lily was the first to break the silence.

“S-So how's school?” She asked awkwardly.

“Oh, um, good. Good. Keeping me busy.” Azura responded. “You?”

Lily sighed softly. “I'm passing, at least.”

Azura nodded. Another long stretch of silence followed.

“Um… so, this is… a lot different now that we're dating, huh?” Lily asked with an awkward chuckle.

Azura laughed softly. “Yeah. Yeah, it really is.”

“It just feels like-”

“-there's a lot that went unsaid for too long, and now-”

“-we have no idea how to say it all.”

The two looked at each other and laughed softly, falling backwards on the bed and looking at each other.

“Titan, we're just as much of gay disasters as our moms, huh?” Azura chuckled softly.

Lily let herself laugh too. “I guess we are.” Lily moved closer to Azura, closing her eyes and placing her head on Azura's shoulder, causing Azura to blush at the close physical contact. “I'm… I'm glad you're here.” Lily admitted in a whisper.

Azura looked at Lily and gently tilted her head so it was resting on Lily's. “I'll always be there when you need me. I promise.” Azura whispered back. She unwove her hand from Lily's, only to wrap her arm around Lily's torso, gently holding the blonde girl close.

Lily positioned herself so she could wrap her arms around Azura's waist, gently squeezing. “I… I keep having nightmares.” Lily admitted, tears forming at the corners of her eyes, even as they were closed. “That… that thing breaks out, but… but it always ignores me. It goes right for you. I… I try to help you, b-but my body won't move. And… and then… then it… it…” Lily's breaths were shaky, as she tried not to cry. She felt a gentle touch on her chin, and she opened her eyes and looked up, seeing Azura with tears in her own eyes.

“I… I can't promise I'll always be safe. But I promise you, Lily, that it'll never be your fault if I get hurt.” Azura gently touched her forehead to Lily's as the pair closed their eyes, taking comfort in each other's presence. While they couldn't say if they'd always be alright, they knew they could say that they'd always face anything life threw at them together.

On the Isles, the stone door to an ancient tomb was slowly pushed open by the tomb's sole inhabitant…

#azura noceda #lily boonchut #lizura #anne boonchuy #sasha waybright #sashannarcy #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #the owl house #amphibia #thisbelongsto nohbodys #and if you want to know where marcy is #she's in the middle of a crunch for her webcomic

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