#I still don't know whether it's okay to find myself attractive either...? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

comicwritesstuff · 3 days

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okay this is so incredibly specific so please feel free to ignore BUT i’ve been wanting to read a fic for ages where the reader is Chase’s childhood best friend from Australia and she moves to New Jersey for a fresh start. She’s staying with Chase while she gets settled, and one day she comes to visit him at lunch at the hospital, where she ends up meeting House and he’s… intrigued by her 👀 either romantic or smut would be so very cool :^D <33 💐

YES. I LOVE THIS PROMPT IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT IM FINISHED!!!

Gregory House x Fem!Chases bsf!Reader

Warnings: None really, just cussing and tooth rotting fluff >:) 3k+ words.

Chase's POV:

“Well I was just wondering if we could go out sometime, I think you're really-” My attention shifted as y/n's call lit up my phone, interrupting the conversation. It was a more pressing matter than pursuing a one-night stand.

“Excuse me for a moment.” I say walking away, the woman having an annoyed look on her face.

I answer the phone.

“Hello, y/n? Whats up”

“Chase! Long time no talk haha.”

“You called me yesterday.”

“Learn to take a joke, anyways, I have some exciting news for you.”

“I’m moving to New Jersey!!”

“Wait what? Really?”

“Yeah, I kinda forgot to tell you and i'm actually at the airport right now, so I hope you aren't busy tomorrow so you can pick me up.”

“Wow, um alright, yeah I can pick you up, do you have a place to stay?"

“Um…no…” I sigh, “Just stay at mine for now.”

“Don't even with the sigh i’ve known you my whole life you can put the nightly hookups on hold for your best friend.”

I smirk and shake my head, “Yeah yeah, I’ll see ya tomorrow y/n”

Y/N’s POV:

I smile as I hang up with Chase, grabbing my luggage and pulling it along the airport. Ahh yes, crying babies, rushed parents, annoying couples and that one insanely attractive person you see for a split second, I love the airport.

Glancing at my ticket I realize I might have to hurry to make it to the gate, speed walking I see a text from chase, “Have a safe flight.” Let's hope so.

Time skip (to lazy to write all the details about fucking airports)

Relaxing on a 21-hour flight proved challenging, especially with a toddler nearby. It was unclear whether the toddler would be a source of annoyance or just be tolerable. The flight just started. So to entertain myself I decide to do some digging about Chase's job, he brags about it all the time and the infamous Dr Gregory House. To be honest I thought Chase was gay for a little while with how much he talks about him. Still speculating.

The plane lifts off and I start my look, at first just looking up Gregory House, a surprising amount of things show up. An article titled, “Gregory House, Talented Doctor? Or a lying Narcissist?” Oh well that's a good first impression.

Scrolling down I see another article, “The world's greatest doctor, and his deepest secrets”

Now that's enticing. I click on it only to find out his deepest secrets, including using 3 in one shampoo and how his leg got hurt. I guess people hardly know anything about him. I click on the photos of him, there's only a couple, most of them blurry but to be honest he's pretty good looking from the photos I can see. I’d honestly be gay for him if I was Chase.

The toddler next to me starts giggling, I glance at her and notice her staring at a picture of House. She's kicking her feet too. That's so relatable.

For the rest of the flight I find some stuff about this guy named Taub, who somehow also figured out that he cheated on his wife which is why he had to quit. How did I find that out? I took a coding class in 8th grade. (I got lucky)

Lisa Cuddy the Dean of Medicine, unfortunately only good stuff about her, boring.

Remy Hadley, oddly, can't find anything on her.

Eric Foreman, his brothers in jail, fun.

And the others are just as boring. For the remainder of the flight, the toddler proved surprisingly chill. I passed the time by binge-watching random movies I had downloaded earlier

*Another time skip to plane landing*

Finally, 21 hours on a fucking plane is horrible.

I check my phone after I take it off airplane mode, seeing a text from chase a couple minutes ago.

“I’m at the airport, is your flight done?”

“Yep, wya.”

“I’m parked in the front.”

“That's specific”

“There's no other front dumbass”

I roll my eyes at his text, and get off the plane as soon as I can. I walk out and see Chase standing outside his car waiting for me. His eyes light up as he spots me, and a grin spreads across his face. Unable to resist, I rush forward and envelop him in a bear hug.

“Man you’re a lot uglier in person”

I say jokingly, smirking.

“Oh shut up”

We climbed into his car, and he drove us back to his apartment. When we arrive he helps get my crap into the house, before he gets a call saying he had to head to work.

Eventually a week or two passes, I've gotten more comfortable in his apartment, applied for a bunch of jobs, and looked for places to stay so I’m not invading his “man” space anymore. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of options, and no jobs have replied to my applications, which is weird since im overqualified, it's almost like they aren’t even getting my applications in the first place.

I’m doing the dishes when I get a text from Chase.

“Hey, I left my wallet on the counter, so I don’t have money for food, could ya bring it for me?”

“Nah”

“See you soon”

I breathe out a laugh and grab his wallet, putting a coat on then driving to the hospital.

When I get there I walk in, looking around before I call Chase, “Where do I go this place is huge” I can hear talking in the background, actually more like arguing. “Uhm just wait at the entrance i’ll be right there.” He says in a whisper.

He hangs up so I just stand there awkwardly waiting, that was a weird ass phone call. To be fair Chase is a weird ass guy with weird ass coworkers so what do I expect at this point.

Before I see Chase I see Dr Gregory House, limping quickly towards me. And damn he’s even hotter in person than the pictures I saw of him.

“Hey, no time to explain, you need to come with me.” He grabs my arm dragging me into the elevator. Before it closes I see Chase come out of the stairway, he sprints towards the elevator but it closes. I hear him trying to say something, but it's muffled and I can’t understand it. Wait why the fuck did I even follow House?

“You're real compliant, you’d make a great hooker.”

I turn around and side eye him.

“Thanks, so would you.” I say giving a fake smile.

“Speaking of compliant, why did you drag me away from Chase? What's going on?’’

“I made a bet with Chase.”

“That's really specific and helpful thanks”

“Oh yeah no problem”

Sarcastic asshole.

“If you don’t tell me, I'll stop following you and go with Chase.”

He rolls his eyes.

“Fine, Mom! The bet is that I can convince you to work as my assistant here.”

“Really? That's it? I need a job. Why would Chase even bet against that?”

“He thinks you’ll fall in love with me so he doesn’t want that to happen, in his words, “She has a thing for homeless looking, narcissistic assholes with beards.” So he’s trying to prevent it, and he’s sure he can.”

Damn- I feel so called out. I stay silent before nodding.

“Well to be honest he isn’t wrong.”

I see House smirk before we get out of the elevator, he hobbles and leads me to his office, locking the door then having me sit down.

As I sit down in front of his desk, he grabs a ball and starts throwing it against the wall, while sitting down.

“So are you gonna interview me or something?”

“Yeah, I’m just waiting for Chase to get back up here so he can watch me interview you.”

He really is an asshole…it's kinda hot though.

“Fair enough.”

We wait a bit before Chase comes jogging up to the door, out of breath, he’s clearly been running plenty. He starts banging on the glass door that House previously locked.

“House!! Y/N! Let me in! This isn’t fair!” He exclaims, House is grinning when he leans over his desk, crossing his arms.

“Okay! Let’s start this interview now.”

“Y/n! You traitor!”

Did I abandon my childhood best friend for some disabled doctor? No, I did it for the job. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Turning my attention back to House instead of the Australian cry baby outside the door, he asks me, “First question, do you want the job of being my assistant?”

“Obviously”

“Great! You have the job!”

I mean, easy enough. I smile and shake my head. This hospital really has some unique people.

House shakes my hand, grinning as Chase is sitting on the floor defeated outside.

As the days turned into weeks at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, I got to know everyone. Cuddy had to actually approve of me working as House’s assistant first, but once she saw a…normal enough individual, she welcomed me into the environment.

Getting to know House better, I found myself drawn to him in ways I hadn’t really expected. The bet between House and Chase, Chase thinking I would fall for House, I took it as a joke, until that joke turned more into reality.

Despite House being a narcissistic piece of shit, there were small moments that I saw, or shared with him that made me fall for him. Ones where he seemed happy, or just easy to be around. At work he's serious but when Wilson dragged him out to bars, or other social environments, he could actually be fun. And though him being a dick is undeniably attractive sometimes, when he was…”himself” that's how I began to fall for him.

One day, after an especially tough day for the team, and being forced to go break into houses and get coffee and food, I found myself alone with House in his office. The rest of the team had left, leaving us in a rare moment alone with each other. As I glanced up from the medical chart of the most recent patient, I caught House’s gaze lingering on me, his blue eyes intense and unreadable.

“Something on your mind, House?” I asked, attempting to break the awkward silence between us.

He smirked, leaning back in his chair with a casual ease, “Oh just wondering why a catch like yourself doesn’t have a boyfriend, or husband?” He responds, his tone laced with flirtatiousness.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at his response, a faint blush on my cheeks. House and I had gained an uncanny camaraderie, made from me running around doing everyone's paperwork, being the designated “you get to tell patients they are dying!!” person. And as you’d expect people didn’t respect me a lot, but if someone was blatantly mean to me, House would step in and destroy their self esteem in a second and walk away like it meant nothing. That's another thing that I think made me fall for him.

“Believe me, I’ve been asking myself that a lot too.” I smile, placing the medical chart on his desk.

“Do you want a boyfriend? Or girlfriend, or a pet or something.” He quips, his eyes looking like they are reading me, studying my every movement and reaction to what he’s saying, it's flattering and uncomfortable at the same time.

“A boyfriend would be nice.” I say reassuringly, a laugh escaping me as I shake my head in amusement.

“Alright let's say *hypothetically* I asked you out. *hypothetically* what would your response be?”

Raising an eyebrow I ask, “Are you trying to go on a date with me?”

“I said hypothetically, now answer the question.”

A smirk plays on my lips as I roll my eyes in a mock annoyance.

“Well.” I say, “Hypothetically, I would say yes.”

“Great, meet me for dinner at (some random fancy place idk u make up a name i'm too lazy to), wear something cute.”

With that, he sauntered out of the office, leaving me to think about what just happened. Glancing at the clock, I realized I had just enough time to get ready for our “hypothetical date.”

The anticipation bubbled within me, standing outside (IDK A RESTAURANT NAME IT), waiting for House to arrive. My heart raced with nervous excitement, unsure what to expect from a…unique…guy like House. I had used all the time I had to work on my outfit, settling for a simple dress (or suit, or just anything you're comfy in :) ).

As I scanned the busy street, searching for any sign of House, I heard the obnoxiously loud sound of a motorcycle approaching. House rode in, parking his bike before getting off and walking (limping) towards me. My breath caught in my throat as I saw him, he looked impossibly handsome, in a tailored suit that made his rugged charm come out, good god he looked fine.

“Y/n,” he greeted with a warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners in genuine affection. “That outfit makes your ass look nice.”

I scoff playfully, hitting his arm. “So much for acting like a gentleman, at least you look like one.”

He chuckled, offering me his arm in a more gentlemanly gesture. “Yeah yeah, shall we?”

With a nod, I looped my arm through his, savoring the warmth of his touch as we mad our way into the restaurant. The ambiance was elegant and inviting, with a soft candlelight casting a warm glow over the decor.

As we were seated at a table in a quiet corner of the restaurant, I couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement in my chest. I’m finally going out with House, damn Chase was totally right.

Throughout the evening, our conversation flowed surprisingly easily between us. I had half expected him to be rude or stuck up, but he seemed actually interested in me, in my life. He was asking questions, laughing and joking with me. Sharing stories of his own, and treating me like an actual human. Honestly it was scaring me a bit, but it was making me fall harder for him.

House raised an eyebrow, a playful glint in his eyes. ‘So, tell my Y/N. What’s the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?”

I laughed, shaking my head as I thought about the memory. “Well, there was this one time in college-”

“Let me guess,” House interrupted, a smirk playing on his lips. “It involved copious amounts of alcohol and very questionable decisions?”

I chuckle and nod in agreement. “You could say that. Long story short, I ended up streaking through the campus fountain at three in the morning. I'm pretty sure Chase might still have a video of it still.”

House raises an eyebrow, an amused laugh coming from him. “I wish I could say I was surprised, oh and also. I am finding that video.” He states, with a determined and mischievous grin.

The dinner continues and our connection just seems to get stronger, fueled by shared laughter, stories of shit Wilson and him did in college, things Chase and I did in highschool. With each passing moment, I found myself more and more under House’s spell, captivated by the complexity of himself, his character. His gaze, laughter, even his personality. Maybe it was the wine or something, but House was being nice, he had charisma, and was being attractive in general.

I don’t even realize that we’ve spent almost three hours in the restaurant just talking. I check my phone seeing that it's 9:30 already. We had got and paid the check awhile ago, but had stayed to talk longer. The restaurant closes at 10, and I felt a sudden pang of disappointment that our date was close to being over with. I didn’t want it to end, I was savoring this moment I was having, this seemingly perfect night.

When the waiter arrived to take our dessert order, I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment that the evening was drawing to a close. I wasn't ready for it to end—I wanted to savor every moment, to prolong the magic of our time together for as long as possible.

House notices my look of disappointment, “I’m aware how amazing I am, but if its up to me, this won’t be our last date.”

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth, my cheeks heating up as I blush. The butterflies in my stomach going absolutely insane.

So with a quick glance around the restaurant, I rose from my seat, House grabbed my hand as he led me towards the exit.

Stepping out into the cool night air, I felt a sense of happiness coursing through me. This was it, the beginning of a new relationship, a surprisingly healthy one so far.

As House’s hand tightened around mine, his touch sent sparks of electricity coursing through my veins. I knew now that maybe Chase knows me better than I know myself, in all fairness he predicted this, but right now I wasn’t afraid to admit this, to admit the undeniable attraction that I had towards Dr Gregory House.

His touch leaves mine, his hand pulling as we stand in front of the restaurant, close to each other, staring in each other's eyes. I glance at his lips before leaning in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, not sure if he expected it, but I pull back.

“Goodnight House. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that I walk away, to my car. When I get in my car, I look in the mirror, seeing House standing there with a lovestruck grin, one a child would have over some school crush. But it was cute, he was cute. And this was just the beginning of an annoyingly predicated relationship with a Vicodin addicted, asshole, who I suspect has a soft spot for me.

#gregory house #greg house #hatecrimes md #dr house #house md #gregory house x reader #greg house x reader #house md headcanons #james wilson #robert chase

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statementlou · 9 months

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i’m sorry to bring this up again, but i wanted to ask how are you making sense of harry having his former girlfriend’s name tattooed on his thigh if you don’t think they were really together? i’m not a larrie and i follow you for your louis content, but i respect your opinions, so i guess i’m coming more from a place of curiosity rather than seeking reassurance. do you not even entertain for one second the idea that you might’ve been wrong about things? that harry was really in a relationship with olivia? that he might actually be attracted to women? that he might’ve been with louis once upon a time but not anymore? have you ever challenged your confirmation bias? again, i’m not trying to attack you, i really just want to understand where you stand. i hope u don’t take this the wrong way.

well first of all you bring up the very good point that there are actually multiple Qs at play and not just one, despite the fandom's (and my) attempts to simplify things. I personally am open to the possibility that Harry and Louis are no longer together- we don't have enough info to say for sure either way about that, and I am constantly recalibrating and considering and I'm going to be totally honest, getting flat out ANNOYED at how often I find myself being like oh damn they ARE still (or again) together ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Because it seems so improbable and illogical! You think I don't KNOW I sound fucking crazy?! Absolutely infuriating, and yet there are just all these little Things all the time. Plus ofc the fact that they both constantly wink wink larrie stuff to the fandom which could just be playing to the crowd... except then they both continually take it that little extra way that makes me go oh but... you really didn't NEED to go THERE that seems VERY pointed?? But also sometimes I go well. Okay, maybe not. Since they both seem super happy at this point, it doesn't stress me out to think they might have split, the way it would if they seemed miserable and were still churning out heartbreak songs, but it's schrodingers relationship and with all the savvy they've acquired around this stuff and all the balls they're keeping in the air wrt to fandom etc that's unlikely to change in favor of us knowing anything for sure for a very long time, if ever. But I do not doubt that they WERE together, it's simply not realistic. The evidence of it is overwhelming and imo undeniable when taken all together. And the thing is that knowing one thing with certainty (that they were together back when), having really looked at the things that happened during that time, does actually have a lot of bearing on the rest of it even if they aren't together anymore. Because knowing that and having seen the way fake relationships to make them seem straight were managed back then means that when I see the EXACT SAME things being done in the current day, like they are working from a fucking blueprint, no, I don't look at that and think it might be real. I know that Louis and Eleanor wasn't real in... whenever they allegedly got together lol, that story still isn't even quite straight, so why would I believe they were together in 2020? And if I know Louis has a tattoo for a fake girlfriend why would it change my mind about a million things I can see with my own eyes if Harry did the same (if indeed he even has who tf knows)? So despite what I said at the beginning, in the end it kind of does just come down to the one question people are always asking, are you a larrie? Because when you've actually been down the rabbit hole of details that ends up with you saying yes to that question, it's like acquiring a rosetta stone that unlocks the ability to read everything else, like putting on xray glasses, and I look at what is so obviously a publicity relationship (holivia) and whether H and L are still together has nothing to do with why I don't think it's real. Like could a celeb relationship be both used in typical ways for publicity and be or become real on some level (looking at you Liam, heyyy), sure, but for this question the fact that I have never seen Harry show the slightest sign of attraction to a woman in his whole life and he so clearly embraces and identifies so strongly with gay male culture in every possible way and never shuts up about how much he loves cock does play into my thinking; I simply do not think he is attracted to women, no, and I have yet to see him do anything that doesn't seem consistent with things a closeted pop star might chose to do. So in conclusion yes I have challenged my bias and decided I'm right lol! But for real- all the time I consider that they perhaps aren't together but that isn't really the point when it comes to believing they are gay.

#I feel like the follow up anons to this will logically be SO WHY NOT BRAD so lemme just jump on that cause I don't really want to #have a whole thing about that #honestly for me it's WHY BRAD. It makes perfect sense for him to be with harry all the time (and therefore for them to borrow each others #jumpers yes) so why would I think they were dating any more than I think H is dating his security guard or luis. the fandom just latches #onto the idea that people around them who they think would look hot with are a thing but other than that literally NOTHING about this guy's #association with H is actually different than many other employee/pals imo and I see literally nothing that suggests anything going on ther #so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#I mean I DO think Harry has weirdly fluid boundaries around considering his employees friends in a way that seems like he doesn't #really GET the power differential possibly (because how could he he's been on that side of it his whole adult life) but I'm not there #behind the scenes with them; hopefully that's not the case #but that's a separate issue #blah blah blah #long post #I TRIED to keep it short and tidy but NO people gonna ask the long form questions #which btw I appreciate I do enjoy a good thoughtful anon thx

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nabulsi · 2 years

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Hello. I have no one to talk to about this irl and I saw that you are also Palestinian and Muslim so I thought I’d take my shot and ask. I’m Muslim and I love my religion with all my heart. I hate to say this, but sometimes I feel like I’m held back, or that I have to choose between two worlds. I want to experience the ‘bad’ things in life. The things I’ve been told I’ll burn in hell for. Mainly relationships and …figuring out my sexuality. But I feel like god will abandoned me. I feel like I can’t just go pray and do or think these things. But if I don’t experience these things or accept myself then I’ll never be able to grow as a person.

Salam Anon! I am sorry you have nobody you can speak to about this IRL. First of all, I love you and you're not doing anything 'bad' and everything will be okay.

I apologize in advance if this is a long-winded reply, and I focused a lot on being Queer and Muslim, though I think there are a lot of things conservative Muslims unfairly demonize which this can apply to. And forgive me if I start to sound preachy later on ~

I think living in an environment where it's drilled into you that an inherent part of yourself is evil and wrong is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone -- and it's something I think even non-Muslim queer / gay / trans people experience as well.

Still when it comes to Islam, I know how it is to feel that resources are not there and if they are they're hard to find or inaccessible.

(below the cut 'cause it got long)

I don't know what environment you have grown up in, friend, whether you grew up in a predominantly Muslim country or you grew up in a Western country. But I can relate either way to growing up afraid of thinking about these things, and I hope some part of my experience helps you!

I spent my formative teenage years in Jordan, a predominantly Muslim country, and my parents were, and still are, incredibly conservative Sunni Muslims and while, looking back, I was clearly a young lesbian, I didn't really allow myself to think on my attraction to women because, the way I was raised, even picturing myself in that situation filled me with revulsion and disgust. It made me viscerally uncomfortable. But being with men also made me feel disgusted (because I was not attracted to them LMAO).

But like you, I also love my faith and don't want to leave it. I will say, after years trying to find a place in Islam where I feel comfortable, my advice is to remember the following:

Allah (SWT) is the most merciful. That is one of the things that is repeated the most in the Qur'an. Allah (SWT) loves His creations more deeply than any love in existence --whether they are doing "bad" things or not and His forgiveness is only conditional on whether your repent for your actions is pure.

While it sounds nice to try and find Hadith and stories about the Sahaba that "prove" that being queer is okay after all and you've owned the homophobes with logic and facts, that is actually a trap. There will always be differing interpretations of Hadith and Sunna and it will be a vicious cycle of "What if I was wrong about my sexuality" and "No I was actually right all along" and it's exhausting. You have to lead yourself to a point where it doesn't matter if you find justification for who you are. (Certainly straight Muslims never have to do that)

It was narrated by Omar Ibn Al-Khattab that Muhammad (PBUH) said: إنما الأعمال بالنيّات ، وإنما لكل امريء مانوى ، فمن كانت هجرته إلى الله ورسوله ، فهجرته إلى الله ورسوله ، ومن كانت هجرته لدنيا يصيبها ، أو امرأة ينكحها ، فهجرته إلى ما هاجر إليه (Translation: Verily actions are by intentions, and for every person is what he intended. So the one whose hijrah was to Allah and His Messenger, then his hijrah was to Allah and His Messenger. And the one whose hijrah was for the world to gain from it, or a woman to marry her, then his hijrah was to what he made hijrah for.) And this is also something that brings me guidance when I feel unsure if I'm doing the right thing -- whether that's with my faith or in life. Your intent matters and it always does -- at least in the eyes of Allah (SWT). And if your intent is to understand yourself and the world around you without hurting anyone, then that is between you and Allah (SWT)

Nobody can tell you that you're going to hell except Allah (SWT). Not even Muhammad (PBUH) can tell you if you're going to hell. You do not know if you're going to hell. In Islam, it is easier to go to heaven than to go to hell and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Culture affects your perception of how 'bad' something is. There are far worse sins that Muslims commit on a daily basis without having a crisis of faith. That's the arrogance of conservative Muslims. They will play Qur'an 24/7 on in their house and with those same hands beat their children and gossip and judge others unfairly.

Take it easy on yourself. Breathe. Everything will be okay and you are not a bad person or a bad Muslim for wanting to better understand yourself.

I know what works for me is not "one size fits all" so take with a grain of salt. But basically, what I gently advise is to explore. Do what you need to do to strengthen your faith.

I can't tell you what you'll discover as you do this. Maybe you explore your sexuality and have relationships and you find out you're not gay? That's okay. And if you find out you are actually gay/trans/bi/pan/lesbian/queer...etc? That's fine. You can still be Muslim. Allah (SWT) still loves you. You're not doing a bad thing. Even if you're acting on those feelings.

I'm sorry this got so long, but please if you ever need to reach out, you are also welcome to DM me off anon anytime you want <3

#homophobia cw #islam #religious trauma ment #paptalk #anonymous

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pizzapasta23045 · 1 year

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Okay okay okay hello

I would like to say something about this here post from late January about Kaeya choosing between Khaenri'ah and Mondstadt.

Kaeya is an extremely complex character with and extremely complex past and a turbulent relationship with loyalties. We all know this.

While some people do want to see him become a villain, and others want him to be one of the heroes, I am here to tell you that no matter which nation he chooses, he will be both.

Khaenri'ah shows up, knocking on Mondstadt's front gates, and Kaeya oh so kindly opens them for them - he's a traitor to Mondstadt, it's archon, it's people, yes. But he's also a hero to his birth nation. He is simply doing his job, fulfilling his destiny, being loyal to the people he came from.

Alternatively, Khaenri'ah comes knocking and Kaeya chooses to put his sword against them, slaughtering any abyss creature who tries to harm Mondstadt - Kaeya's seen as a hero to Mond, staying loyal to the people who took him in as one of their own, his family, their archon. But he's a traitor and a villain to his birth nation. As many headcanons as there are, none of us can actually know whether the people of his motherland were cruel and heartless to him or if they were warm and loving. If they were the latter, just imagine how harsh that would be - to love someone and place all your hope in them, only to have them turn against you mercilessly.

I would also like to point out that Khaenri'ah and the abyss aren't really enemies of Mondstadt. Yes, they attack the people, but they attack the people all across teyvat. They're not necessarily planning on overthrowing the city, but instead aim to target Celestia. Archons, on behalf of Celestia, destroyed the nation of Khaenri'ah, killed all its people and cursed the rest. If Khaenri'ah comes knocking, they won't be targeting Mondstadt, or Liyue, or Inazuma or any other nation for that matter - they will be targeting the archons and Celestia itself.

I believe that Kaeya would not step in to stop them here. If the people of Khaenri'ah target Celestia, Kaeya will not intervene, because, like it or not, those are still his people who witnessed the cataclysm and lifetimes of cursed suffering.

I do however believe that he would intervene if Khaenri'ah decided to target the people as means to attract Celestia's attention. Kaeya has deep bonds with the people of Mondstadt. He loves Diluc, his brother adopted or not, even if they can't show it because they still grew up together. He loves Klee, would do anything for the innocent little child to prevent her from finding out the harsh realities of the world. He loves Jean, and Rosaria, and Fischl, and Bennett and he loves the elderly, who all love him in return! They are his people, whether by birth or otherwise, they are his. And I believe that he will protect them if he has to.

Will Kaeya protect Venti? No. Hear me out, they may be drinking buddies and get along very well, but Venti is still an archon. Barbados is not Kaeya's god. And in the situation where Khaenri'ah is attacking, Barbados is who Kaeya would be looking at, not Venti the bard. This does not, however, mean that he would attack him either. I believe Kaeya would just stand back, observe how his two identities fight against eachother, and hurt and feel victorious simultaneously no matter what the outcome is.

Because that's who Kaeya is - both a traitor and a hero no matter who wins and who loses.

Thank you for reading my brainrot, I'm sorry it turned out to be this long, I lost myself in the writing.

Yours sincerely,

- 🌙

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh! Exactly!

Like... It's not simply a black (khaenri'ah) and white (mondstadt) choice, it's a complex moral issue, there's a reason he was very apprehensive in choosing and agonized over the decision for years! It's not just like "Oh ok I'll choose Mond because they're my real family and shit."

It's soooooooo annoying because a lot writers remove all the moral aspect from it and don't even, you know?, consider that maybe a child of nation whom was (most likely unjustly) destroyed by celestia would want to... you know? Try and oppose them? Like mah dudes... mah bros you can't just say oh yeah but they raised you, it's not that simple.

Also, Khaenri'ah's plan doesn't HAVE to include destroying Mondstadt, nor the rest of Teyvat for that matter. Like, most Khaneri'ahns don't seem to want that and I legit can't find a logical reason they would destroy Mondstadt according to current lore.

So yeah, if Khaenri'ah were to try and destroy Mond i feel like he'd at least try and stop them but otherwise... I just don't see him choosing mond I'm sorry...

He does care for Khanenri'ah to some extent, that's the whole point of his character, that he is divided between two different sides of himself and shit.

Wether or not Kaeya's father was abusive (and he is, at the very least, lackluster as a parent (mostly because of the leaving the child in an active storm when he could've died, you know?) and we can argue about how bad he was all day) this is still very much a moral choice.

Like, I always think "Dude? If you had a bad parent, abusive, absent whatever, and they were a very well known climate activist would you become a climate change denier?" because even if he doesn't do it for his father, Kaeya could do it for all the innocent people in Khaneri'ah, you know? the ones that are slowly dying a slow and painful death while forgetting who they are, he can have his own deeply personal reasons to support Khaneri'ah.

#textpost #inquiries to a pizza

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wearequeer-andwearehere · 1 year

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Hey, I'm sorry in advance that this is super long and feel free to ignore this ask if you can't or don't want to answer it, I appreciate being able to just rant somewhere anyway :) I am an aro-questioning ace girl, and I have been struggling to figure out if I'm arospec or not because there have been some people that I have gotten really attached to but I don't know if it was in a romantic way? There was this girl who I thought was really really pretty and her smile made feel so happy and warm and nervous inside. Even though there were other more "conventionally attractive" girls out there but I only felt this way around her... Maybe that was aesthetic attraction? I wasn't that close to her, but I wanted to talk to her and see her smile, and we didn't have anything in common but I still wanted to be close to her... I've NEVER felt this way for anyone else and I'm 18 and I know that it's common for alloromantic people to have felt at least very mild romantic attraction to more than 2-3 people by the time they're 18, and it's been 3 years since then, and I haven't felt this around anyone else, so I can't help that maybe I'm making up these feelings? Just so I could "have a crush"? Or maybe they're just strong platonic feelings? I guess I'm just looking for some sort of confirmation because honestly I can't deal with not having a label to put to my feelings, and I've tried going label-less for a long time. It was easy for me to figure out that I'm ace, cause I just heard the description and was like "oh shit, i thought everyone felt this way" but figuring out my romantic orientation is a whole other ordeal cause I don't want to kiss anyone ever, and wanting affection can be very much platonic, so I can't really differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction. I have one other aroace friend and they don't have the same problems, so I don't know.

Sorry for this being super super long

Anon Im slapping you in the face with a wet fish rn DON’T APOLOGISE!! THATS WHAT IM HERE FOR!! IM HERRE TO HELP YALL DONT SAY SORRY!!!!

Gonna be honest, that sounds like romantic attraction to me, but it could still be platonic attraction. My suggestion is talk to some of your alloro friends and ask them to describe what romantic attraction feels like to them, and see how close your experiences with this girl are to what theyre talking about.

Bestie I HIGHLY doubt you’re making up these feelings—why would you make up smth you’re having a whole ass crisis about?? Capital U Unlikely

Not everyone feels romantic attraction at the same time, even alloro people. I had friends who had crushes by 1st grade and I never liked anyone til 5th grade. Shit’s different for different people.

Honestly this is gonna sound very like facebook mom so I’m sorry in advance lmao but my advice is Just Chill. Like don’t get me wrong man I know exactly the kinda shit you’re going thru (I went thru the same thing w gender) like the whole anxiety hyperventilate I need to know what I am thing.

But you gotta fucking breathe dude. Inhale, exhale. Like. You may be aro, you may not be. And that’s okay. The more you try to frantically try and find a label the more confused and frustrated and mad you’ll get. So you gotta just let things be, yknow? Shit’ll fall into place eventually.

Like I used to frantically try and label myself like oh i’m genderfluid wait am I maybe I’m a demi boy maybe I’m genderfaun fuck what’s going on I feel like shit—then I realised it doesn’t fucking matter as long as I’m being myself, and not overthinking everyone to shit. I let mysrlf be, and then I realised oh shit, I’m a trans dude. Okay yknow what good for me, slay!

So here’s my advice. You like this girl—good for you, slay! Maybe it’s platonic, maybe it isn’t, but either way, you like her, so spend time with her. Don’t sweat it mate. If she makes you happy, whether it’s as a friend or as a potential girlfriend, be with her.

Hope I could help you out!!

#ask #helping out a questioning person

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radkindoffeminist · 2 years

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hello there

so i was the anon who sent an ask to bi-sapphics about the difference between lesbian repulsion of men and "febfem" repulsion to men... im... i dont really see an issue with the term but i dont wanna upset anyone or smthg.

anyway, my dilemma is i dont know whether im a lesbian or febfem since, if i wouldnt be romantic or sexual with a man in either regard, how do i know im even attracted to them at all?

since you said i should come to you, here i am ig haha

do you have any advice? thanks

I think people hate the term because it's a ‘TERF term’. That's it really. There is nothing inherently wrong with the term, it means Female Exclusive Bisexual FEMale, but I'm fairly certain that it started off in radfem circles and went from there so that’s why you’ll come across people who don't like it. Anything that has any connection to TERFs, be that an actual connection or just someone deciding arbitrarily that it belongs to the TERFs, is hated and people tend to avoid.

Personally, I don't think bi sapphic is a better term. But that's mostly because I always saw sapphic as a lesbian specific term (especially since it derived from Sappho who was a lesbian) and not a general WLW term, but I could be off base in that sense. I’ve not seen sapphic used in radfem circles much.

Anyway, that's besides the point. I said I would try to help so I will try to help. So here’s my basic understanding of the difference: Febfems are repulsed by men because they're awful people or due to trauma; lesbians are repulsed by men because their inherent sexuality means that they don’t experience any sexual attraction to them at all. The hard part is then figuring out where your repulsion is coming from.

I'm a febfem. I always knew that I liked men and experienced attraction to them. Even though they have traumatised me, I still look at men and think that they're cute/attractive. I still think about sleeping with men. I still picture being fucked by men when I get myself off. Even though I don't want to date them and I'm repulsed by them as people, I still experience some attraction and desire for men based on my inherent sexuality.

But for lesbians, they won't have that. They might still have some comphet which tells them to be with men, but there’s not an active desire or attraction to men. The idea of sleeping with them under any circumstances disgusts lesbians because their inherent sexuality means that they have zero desire towards men. They don't experience attraction to men.

Working to find out which one you think you much be in could be hard depending on your own feelings towards men/trauma, but that's also okay. You don't have to stress about a label too much because, at the end of the day, you at least understand that you don't like men and are only interested in dating women.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

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lokigodofaces · 1 year

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I posted 4,850 times in 2022

That's 39 more posts than 2021!

988 posts created (20%)

3,862 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@worstloki

@lokigodofaces

@flyingbooks42

@everylokitten

@jedi-valjean

I tagged 3,753 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#loki laufeyson - 804 posts

#liv won't shut up - 354 posts

#agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. (2013 2020) - 341 posts

#thor odinson - 198 posts

#bucky barnes - 187 posts

#phil coulson - 171 posts

#the avengers (2012) - 168 posts

#loki (2021) - 138 posts

#tesseroki - 136 posts

#daisy johnson - 129 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i know you joked about bis saying screwdrivers but the screwdrivers that you can pull the end out & flip it to show a phillips or flat 👌👌

My Top Posts in 2022:

Okay, I know this has been said and has been around for years, but I'm annoyed so I'm making a post myself. But I do not understand why people are so convinced fans of male characters just want to sleep with the actor of said male character and/or the character. I've encountered this mostly in regards to Loki and Bucky, but I'm sure this is something that transcends the MCU fandom. And I'm sick and tired of it. So I'm going to dump my feelings here. Sorry if it makes no sense. Feel free to add on if you want to.

You shouldn't assume someone's gender and sexuality. If you talk to a random fan on Tumblr, you don't know who they are. So maybe people should stop assuming the fans of every attractive male character are straight girls (I say straight girls specifically because it is often said explicitly or implicitly that the fans wanting to f*ck characters/actors are fangirls). You could be talking to someone any gender or sexual/romantic/etc orientation. How do you think some of us feel when you "call us out" for being "horny b*tches" when we aren't attracted to men like that? How would you feel if I accused you of wanting to sleep with a person you don't have those desires for? Not great probably. Think of that. It should be basic politeness to not accuse people of crap like that.

People are allowed to be attracted to fictional characters. In fact, the creators probably want people to have some sort of attraction to many characters (there's a reason for gratuitous shirtless scenes). People are attracted to who they're attracted to. Not that big of a deal. So stop acting like it's a crime.

There are different types of attraction and not everyone who is attracted to a character is attracted in every way. Let's take Bucky and Loki as examples. I am not sexually attracted to either, but I am attracted to them in other ways, such as aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction. If I were to, for example, write a post criticizing how Loki looks in Loki, that doesn't mean I'm upset because I don't find him and/or Tom Hiddleston sexy in the series. It means that (for me, personally) I am upset that he doesn't look as good because Loki/Tom are aesthetically pleasing as heck but the costuming, make up, lighting, etc was somehow able to make him look bad. I am personally upset because of my attraction, but also for reasoning outside attraction (why would you make your protagonist look like sh*t?).

Regardless of whether someone has attraction towards a character/actor, they can still have nuanced opinions on that character. Listen, I'm not going to say I'm unbiased. I know for a fact I'm not. I adore my favorite characters and am attracted to a few of them. I know that will affect my views on them at least a bit. But that doesn't mean every opinion I have on them is driven from my attraction. I'm demiromantic, so it's obvious for me. I had to like them before I liked them romantically. But alloromantic allosexuals can have valid opinions on characters regardless of whether they're attracted or not. Listen, compare this to real life. If you've been attracted to someone, you can still have opinions on them unrelated to you're attraction. If you are so blinded by attraction you can't, you need to get that figured out. Regardless of attraction, you can probably come up with some constructive criticism for them and some compliments anyone else would give them. Same thing applies to fictional characters! So does it really matter all that much if someone is attracted to a character they analyze? No, not really. They'll be accurate enough and it's analysis on a fictional character. It's not the end of the world if done wrong. Sure, someone could be so biased they admit no flaw of a character. But I bet you the majority of people attracted to characters can regulate their bias somewhat. Even if it's a, "He's cute, but did kill the dog." And, again, we're talking about fiction. Maybe you shouldn't be so offended by people having attractions/hobbies that don't affect you.

You immediately lose credibility if you're argument against an argument is saying crap about horny fangirls. How is that an argument against a well constructed analysis? Would you do it for a real life person? If I defended my friend, would you "call me out" for wanting to have sex with him? What if he was my husband? Would you "call me out" for thinking he's sexy (in a hypothetical world where I would find anyone sexy)? I certainly hope not. It's not a good argument, and once you use it you just become irritating.

Take a second and think about it. Have you seen people accusing men of wanting to have sex with female characters/actresses? I mean, it definitely happens. And maybe I just don't see that side of fandom enough, but in my experience it happens way more when the actor/character is a man. So are you saying women primarily are in fandom for the sake of hot men? You might not be thinking that, or realize you are, but recognize the implications. If you think every woman's favorite character is her favorite because of daydreams of sex, that's an issue. Because not everything is about sex for women. Women aren't shallow viewers. Women love their favorite characters. They might have daydreams of sex, it's entirely possible. But as mentioned before, that doesn't lower the amount they can critically consume media or analyze characters.

Dude, if you don't like a character, actor, or the content they come from, whatever. No one cares. You don't have to try to argue that fans are horny to not like it. Write your own posts about how you feel. Don't harass anyone who does like it. This is basic knowledge on online interaction.

Every time I've seen the "argument" that "you just want to be in bed with X," it's after a post about sensitive plot points. If I say I don't like parts of The Falcon and the Winter Solider because they portrayed Bucky's very poorly, essentially saying he was never a victim to Hydra and had to atone for "his" sins, that is the type of post that would get stuff about me wanting to sleep with Bucky. If I mention queerphobia, racism, or say the content has harmful things, then clearly I just want to f*ck the character and/or actor and am defending him. You see why I'm suspicious of these people? What's you're problem with me being concerned about the portrayal of mental health treatment?

Even if someone only ever makes content about how much they think X is sexy, it doesn't mean they're lesser fans. They just really like X sexually. They probably have lots of opinions they just don't share. People are allowed to choose which opinions to share.

...I got nothing else but would've been annoyed to end on #9 (unfortunately I'm like that). So let me tell you to just STOP with "calling people out" for finding X sexy. It makes you look stupid, it's rude, and it has no relevance.

139 notes - Posted February 2, 2022

164 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

I (think) I said it before but I'll say it again now that we've got PJO news. If we ever get far enough to have a Magnus Chase series, it would be ridiculously funny if Loki shape shifted at some point and the actor they got to be disguised Loki was Tom Hiddleston. I mean, it's Disney. They can legally do that. Why not?

192 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

If I had a nickel for every time one of the Odinsons was stripped in promotional footage, I would have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

296 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Me whenever I get a new Dracula Daily email and hop onto Tumblr:

3,025 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #dude some of those posts i thought were from last year

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fangirl-erdariel · 2 years

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I wonder what is it that makes some fandoms seem to attract more ship-centric fanfic, while others have a much better selection of gen stuff? Like, this isn't even about a fandom having a specific ship that everyone and their mother and their mother's dog ships, or leaning towards a specific kind of ship (whether that be het, slash, femslash, or something else). But some fandoms seem to have their fanfics be almost entirely ship-focused, while in others gen fics seem to make up a good third or even nearly half of all the fics.

And I just can't help wondering what it is, since most of the time it doesn't seem like it has anything to do with how many canon character dynamics there are that canonically are or can easily in fanon be interpreted as romantic/sexual relationships. It doesn't even seem to have much to with any clearly identifiable aspect of canon (except maybe a little bit that some fandoms seem to keep fanfics closer to canon anyway, while others deal a lot more in canon divergence AUs and overall put much less value on adhering to canon, but even then it doesn't seem to me like the correlation is that strong)

Is it something about what kind of demographic of fans happens upon it? Is it something predictable? Or is it just one of those things that happens, without any rhyme or reason? Does it feed itself, with the fandom as it grows just happening to develop a certain way, and once the direction of that development has established itself, fans start acting accordingly, writing more gen fic for that fandom because gen fic is common in it, or writing more shippy things because the fandom has a lot of shippy fics already?

Sometimes I wish it was clearer/more predictable, if only because very rarely tend to get into or care about ships a lot myself, and it gets kinda annoying sometimes to get into a fandom and then discover that it's one of the ones where gen fic is rare, and good luck finding any gen fics with the tropes you like if it's about anyone but a handful of the most popular characters. Okay, tbh I would probably still get into those fandoms even if I knew how to predict how the fandom was gonna be about ship vs gen fics, but at least I'd know it beforehand and it wouldn't be a disappointment I only find out once I start looking for fics.

(I will not be tagging this as any specific fandom because this is just my own whining and I don't want to stir up any drama or imply any fandom is better than another. I also do not mean to imply that any way of being a fan or engaging with fandom is inherently better than another. Everyone has their preferences and should have the freedom to exist in fandom and engage with the aspects of it that they like in peace. You may reblog this and add your commentary, but please do not use this to start drama about any of your fandoms either)

#fandom #fanfic #fanfiction #meta #shipping

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for-the-ninth · 2 years

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i used to think something was wrong with me bc i had crushes on everyone i met and often when the opportunity for romance or sex would come up i couldn't sustain that kind of relationship and so i felt like maybe i was just an emotionally unavailable asshole or something

the feelings would come on so strong and quick too! i'd find myself thinking about them a lot and wanting to send them videos and articles and things i knew aligned with their interests. i'd be pumped to see messages from them and bummed/concerned about them if we didn't chat for a while. sometimes i'd daydream about them and fun things we could do together or places we could go. something about it always felt confusing and a bit shameful. if these were all the feelings romantic partners were supposed to have toward each other then why couldn't i maintain romantic partnerships with these ppl?

granted, i have a mood disorder, so maybe some of my shame came from having such strong reactions to things and ppl in general. but years down the road i realized it was mostly a product of the culture i grew up in and the way we draw such a thick line between friendship and romance - a line that (imo) would be better described as a spectrum

the giddiness i feel over meeting someone new who shares an interest with me is the *exact* same whether i'm sexually attracted to them or not, and tho i don't generally get sexy with ppl unless i intend to date them, i am still sexually attracted to many of my friends! and there are also friends who i have no sexual feelings toward, but i'd totally kiss them if they asked. there are some friends who wouldn't want either of those things and that's okay too! maybe we hold hands or cuddle sometimes, or maybe we hardly ever touch but i know exactly what kind of memes to send them. all of my friendships look different bc we all have different boundaries and fulfill different roles in each others lives but a lot of it feels like falling in love to me whether we kiss or not and it's taken me years to realize that's an okay thing to feel

tl/dr if you're my friend then you're my friend and i'm probably just as giddy about your stupid ass as i am about my romantic partner and well you're just gonna have to find a way to pony up and deal with my level of care for you bucko bc it cannot be helped!!

#egg rambles #im once again stoned and in my feelings thinking abt all the ppl ive connected with over the past 5 or 6 years #❤️❤️❤️

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myname-isnia · 20 hours

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Just over a month ago I was 100% convinced that I was bi, openly talked about wanting a girlfriend, mentioned on several occasioned that I want to meet a pretty girl who’d rail me well enough for me to want to uproot my entire life and move to be with her, etc etc. I was so sure of this, believed it for five whole years, almost to the day. The anniversary of my realisation was just about a week away

Then, in the span of one night, it was as though a switch was flipped. Nothing happened, but something changed. I realised that I have never once experienced romantic or sexual attraction to any real person and that the thought of being touched made me want to vomit. I decided that the aroace label fits me better. It was a big hit to my sense of self because I felt like an entire third of my life was a lie. But it’s alright, I told myself. It’s still possible to find people who will love you. Family, friends, maybe a qpr. Everything will be okay. I never was aphobic towards others in any way, but definitely had some internalised aphobia directed at myself to work through

Not long after, when I had yet another fight with my mom, I realised that I was afamilial too. Family was always a touchy subject for me. My parents can't stand each other, neither could my maternal grandparents. I hated my little sister for the longest time because my mom didn't want to be around us any longer than she absolutely had to and essentially dumped her on me. My extended family was always wracked with conflicts too. So as soon as I was old enough to understand all of that, I lost all love for my family. I still care for them and would try to help them in any way if needed, but I don't exactly love them in the expected way. And I don't want a found family either, no matter how much I like that trope in fiction. I've had friend groups before that attempted to assign familial roles to everyone, and I hated that. It didn't matter if I ended up the put-upon older sister, the distant aunt or the mom friend, I refused any role I was given and was ostracized for it. Whether biological or not, I don't want to be anyone's parent, sibling, daughter, or anything else

That was all very hard to work through and accept, but I'm slowly getting there. I had a long crisis about feeling like I will never be enough because all I can offer someone is a platonic relationship. That's still something I struggle with, but it was slowly getting better. Until I suddenly understood that I didn't want a qpr either. I don't know, it just feels like... too much. Too personal, too intimate, too close for comfort. Something that I wouldn't trust anyone to not turn into something I wouldn't want. I have struggles with boundaries, my touch repulsion fluctuates way too much, I have an unpredictable temper and am way too easy to piss off. I don't think I could ever be in something as close as a queerplatonic relationship with anyone, it would make everyone involved miserable. So it isn't something I want either

And now, as if all of that wasn't enough, I'm considering a possible aplatonic identity as well. I'm not completely aplatonic, I have a handful of very close friends that I deeply care for and genuinely love, but I have no interest in expanding that circle. Friendships never came easy to me, I was always the backup friend for everyone to talk to when no one better was around. And when I did make friends, I often struggled with feeling genuine empathy towards them and didn't realise I was hurting them by leaving their messages on read or not wanting to hang out after school. I always felt so out of place in friend groups, and in one-on-one friendships I was always too much. Too clingy, too obsessive, too ignorant of what the other person wanted. Because it wasn't friendship I craved, but attention and a chance to talk to someone. So while I wouldn't trade the friends I do have for the world, I don't want any new ones. I have no interest in "finding my crowd" or whatever. I'm okay with what I have, I don't need anything else. After scrolling through the relevant tags it seems like plato-indifferent demiplatonic is as close I can get to describing how I feel

So... I don't know. On one hand, I'm happy that I'm figuring myself out and can feel more confident about both my identity and what I want from life. But on the other... it feels like some kinds of threads are snapping one by one. Like I'm becoming less and less connected to what is supposed to make me human. I know that's stupid, love isn't what makes us human, there's nothing that decides someone's humanity apart from the fact they're born a homo sapiens. But if I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction, don't want a family or a qpr or new friends, what worth is there to me? Humans aren't meant to live isolated, but I seem to lack the ability to form genuine connections 99% of the time. If I lose my current friends, I don't think I'll be able to make new ones. And then I'll be alone

I know this all probably stems from trauma and if I manage to heal, some of that may change and I'll find myself wanting things that currently make me nauseous to even think about. But there's no guarantee I will ever heal, or that things will change if I do. It almost seems like I was destined to be alone, like my very being is self sabotaging by nature. Or maybe I'm overreacting and this is all just some internalised shit that I need to work through. I don't know. I just don't fucking know

#no idea where this is all coming from but I needed to get it all on paper. so to speak #so it stops orbiting around my brain and driving me nuts #this all really is so tiring and painful to think about...#at least I got it out. I should probably go try to focus on smth else now so I don't cry in front of my grandma #but can I just say #aromantic asexual aqueerplatonic afamilial plato-indifferent demiplatonic is a fucking mouthful #and that's not even touching upon the mess that is my gender identity #ughhh. why can't these things just be easy

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positively-bi · 10 months

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I am kind of unsure whether I am bi or gay. I kind of am leaning to gay, but had a few questions. If it isn't okay, you can just delete this. But yeah. Oh and I am a man, in case that changes anything.

I am questioning my sexuality as either being gay or bi. I am aromantic, too, but am sure of that. So like, I am sexually attracted to men. I would actually want to have sex with men. I find them hot, etc. Like I can see myself one day actually doing stuff with a man.

But then there is fictional women. Like certain character women, are just kind of attractive. Like two fictional women, who I would be hypothetically into. But like they are characters, not real and I just find fantasies kind of entertaining, but like I don't want to do anything with them (even if I could).

Anyway, my main question is would I be considered gay or bi? And like, can you be gay but still find fictional women kind of attractive?

Because I guess I want to say I am gay because I think I am. It feels right. But there are just two fictional women who I have thought are pretty nice in the past. So I don't know, I guess there is imposter stuff.

Anyway, thanks. Hope I figure this out at some point, but I am trying not to rush it.

Hi! So I've never really experienced this problem since I've always been confident I'm bisexual but from what I've heard of gay people, liking fictional characters of the opposite gender isn't that unusual. It's important to know that you don't need a label but I totally get it if you want one. It's also cool if you change labels. If you want to identify as gay (which you seem to be leaning towards) and later you find yourself attracted to a real life woman, that's not a problem. Anyway, I hope you're having a wonderful day. You're awesome.

(And hi from a fellow aro :D)

#answered asks #anon ask

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thattiredgradstudent · 2 years

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I Just Want to Understand | Steve Harrington x OC

Synopsis: After many failed relationships, Michelle confesses things to Steve

Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC

Trigger Warnings: Drug use, implied cheating, implied/mentioned sexual content, hurt?/comfort, discussions of sexuality

Word Count: 668

AN: Confession, I haven't even watched beyond season 2 ep 1. I just read a lot of fanfics. Literally, I just 'met' Max and Billy, so this is just me winging it. So apologies in advance for anyone being out of character.

Honestly I, feel like any time I post something, I always have the disclaimer of I haven't posted anything in a while so don't judge me too harshly but again, it's been a few months, but writing has been helpful lately. And I don't really know what deserves a trigger warning and what doesn't? I'm trying here. This is one of those self-indulgent fics because I have been a mess with my sexuality and this slightly me processing it.

OH - and I didn't edit this beyond what google docs said was wrong.

“Okay wait, I think I know how to explain this better.” I grabbed the blunt from Eddie needing something to calm the pounding in my chest.

Steve was sitting in front of me, very confused and trying very hard not to freak out. Robin was next to me on the shore, and Eddie was laying a few feet away on a blanket. After having overheard me telling Robin how I didn’t want to have sex, things became a lot more complicated than I anticipated a lake trip with my friends being.

“So you know how you and Robin like boobs? And Eddie likes “ -both, i like both” Eddie cut me off and winked at either Robin or Steve, possibly both of them before I continued, “right, and Eddie likes boobs and dick. But you can acknowledge when a guy is just, conventionally attractive? Like Kurt Russel or Tom Cruise, but you don’t want to have sex with either of them.”

Steve slowly nodded and Robin gave me a small reassuring smile

“Okay, well. I don’t like either. Boobs or dick. But I want to date dick. No. Wait, that came out wrong. I want to be with you Steve…I just don’t want, well, more that I don’t care about having sex.” I had a hard time explaining it myself. But when everyone was talking about who was hot and who was hooking up with who, I just never got it. The few times I had hooked up with someone, it just didn’t feel right. I never felt the things my friends described, I just was stressed and confused as to how I was supposed to act.”

I was shaking and struggling to keep my voice steady. I hadn’t actually gone into detail about how I felt, but Steve and I had been dating for almost a year now and there was only so long I could go before I had to tell him, so mine as well do it when it is a slightly less awkward moment. I didn’t want to keep things a secret.

“So you don’t want to have sex, at all?” Steve clarified and I nodded, “but we…did you, did you not want to?” While I wasn’t around for it, Robin filled me in on Steve’s relationship with Nancy and how much he cared, probably loved, her, and how those feelings weren’t reciprocated, so this moment was sending him into a spiral.

“No no no, Steve it’s not like that. I don’t feel sexual attraction. I don’t look at someone and think about having sex with them. But, fuck why is this so hard, I still get turned on? I still can enjoy things. I just could also go without them?”

We all sat in silence for a few minutes before Eddie said he was to smoke and practically dragged Robin with him.

“You’ve never wanted to have sex with me?” Steve asked again, much quieter this time.

“No. I guess, no I haven’t.” I pulled my knees to my chest trying not to cry. I’d seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending. Whether it was immediately or a few days, each guy left, so it was only a matter of time.

You’re great, but I just don’t see this going anywhere

I just don’t see us working out, maybe if you put more effort into the relationship it would have been better

I mean come on, if you weren’t going to fuck me I was going to find someone who would

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Steve, I’m sorry, I should have. But we were taking things slow, and then who whole mess with Vecna, it just never was necessary. I get if you want to,”

“Don’t you dare say end things.” I couldn’t hide the shock on my face, “Don’t. Please don’t say that. Because I don’t want to end things, I just want to understand.” Steve continued, pushing himself off the blanket to kneel in front of me.

#steve harrington fanfic #stranger things #coming to terms with my sexuality #steve harrington stranger things #asexual #asexual oc

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edithtove · 1 year

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Omg suddenly everyone around me has Tinder and I don’t know how I feel about this. It’s funny how dating apps are quite ridiculed but still visited and used again and again. I just feel scared I don’t know. Everyone feels like they’re all on the dating scene now and I’m the only one left behind, as with most things. It’s this fomo I guess and not feeling grown up enough, proactive enough in your life. Do you share this fear, Ditte? I’m not looking for a solution or anything, I just wanted to bond as young girls because the world is quite distracting, (esp speaking for myself as someone who gets distracted) and most of the times you don’t get to sit and examine things within yourself that really matter. Self-love is extremely hard, indeed.

You don't know how long I've been waiting for someone to ask about this! You have such a beautiful way with words and I am touched to my core, because I have felt, and still feel, the same as you do -- and you expressed yourself so perfectly 🖤

Wow where do I start..

I feel that Tinder and dating apps in general are so misused by now and really doesn't have anything to do with dating or finding someones partner -- at least in my opinion. I know of some who has indeed met their significant other, but can't we all agree that it is all for hooking up, yes? In Copenhagen it is at least.. I therefore don't want it back again, but I know some of my friends are downloading it for the summer. It can be a little confidence booster at times too. Anyway, either downloading for hooking up or not is both completely fine. You do you.

However, what is up with that new "dating" app Raya? I can't even bring myself to write what that app is about because then I think I will break my keyboard, damn. I hate concepts like that. Anyhow..

If not having tinder, or not dating this summer, it is easy to feeling left out (that is me every summer don't worry), especially when all your friends download it, but hookup culture is not for everyone and that's completely okay.

I have had Tinder before and even got asked out on a "date". I bailed that. Like actually 15 minutes before because I got so scared. Oops. As for today, I don't find dating scary anymore but I guess that is because the ones I've gone out with haven't been strangers. But the whole dating scene in general and HOW we find someone is just.. unnatural, in todays world. I, as much as many else I believe, still long for true romance but gosh it is hard to find (if it even still exists). But watching other people in relationships, or being the only one now haven been in one (me), is so f*cking hard -- sorry for my language.

But, I have just come to a point where I don't settle for less. That is perhaps why I am not in a relationship and have never been in love. I also just know from the beginning whether or not I can fall for somebody. I can't do that gradually and hope to fall in love at some point. In general I just find it so so so difficult to find love. And even approaching people I find attractive is such an eminently deep rooted fear of mine. Even intimacy is a BIG trigger for me. I am veryyy touchy but anything sexual and I am ouuut. I can go without really. I just want kisses and hugs. If I'm getting real, I did not sleep with someone until my early 20s. And in Copenhaagen and in our generation it is seen as weird. I remember when in high school/college, people somehow found out I hadn't slept with anyone (don't know how and why that would be the big topic) and people would bring it up sometimes at parties, and so I would feel the need to lie about it in order to socialize especially doing drinking games haha. Some dudes also found it attractive. Either way its no ones business. And both things just hurt. This led me to lie a little. Not to my friends but if I were at parties and going out I would have to pretend I had slept with someone. Because sexual things always seems to be the main topic of parties doesn't it? If I owned up to it and admitted it at at a drinking game or whatever, the table would go completely silent. I guess, I now have some good stories to tell my future daughter who knows. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

As for feeling left behind, oh boy I was the last one when it came to anything. I have, also, always felt weird about growing up. I really just hated it (Peter Pan really is one of my favorite movies). I were the last one to go into puberty even, so I guess my mind was still pretty childlike for quite a lot longer than my friends. I had the chance of doing stuff way earlier than I did. But I just became so grossed out by guys approaching me and truly not wanting to do anything good to me. My mother always said that guys' hormones were all over the place so I should stay far away. Looking back I maybe too that a little too serious haha but I am so happy I waited!!

You mention self love is hard and I agree. It truly is. However, by what you are telling me, and what you are feeling ex. not being into dating apps and feeling left out, I think you HAVE a great deal of self love within you. It is very sure of yourself and it seems you follow your own heart and ways to step away from something you don't like. I think you should be proud of yourself for this! And when that good feeling comes to you, whether its love, passion, hobbies, work or its a person, you will know that it will feel right. Things will fall will into place for you and you can look back and say: "Damn I'm glad where I am now, and I'm glad I followed my gut feeling". And remember that it is normal to miss girlhood. Things were SO much easier in so many ways I could cry about it!! But ones inner child will always be with you. Just hold onto your creativity. Do a big puzzle or play a video game, watch a barbie movie. Whatever just feels good. But I also think that womanhood can be exciting too. Its a time where you change legit every year into a new person. And you meet some exciting people and you can drink a bottle of wine and nobody will judge. At least not me ;*

Don't let fear take over and hold you back! What is that saying, "Nobody is holding you back besides yourself." Apply this to anything! Lead the social scene, work scene, dating scene! In your own tempo.

This sounds like an essay gone wrong and long. But I hope some of these things resonated with you or whomever reads this 🖤🖤🖤

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lesbian-ed · 2 years

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when I was younger, I identified as bi, but, as time passed and I had more sexual interactions (I've never had sex) I realized I was completely and utterly disgusted of dick and started calling myself lesbian. I still hate dick, I don'twant to interact with it and the bare thought is disgusting, however, I ended up hooking up with a guy in a party a short while ago and I'm very troubled about this, I'm not sure what to think. Am I not a lesbian? Am I a liar?

Being wrong about your sexuality does not equal being a liar. Unfortunately, navigating a very hetero-centric society makes understanding our own actual desires trickier than it be.

That being said, lesbians don't get with men, or enjoy being with men.

Bisexual women are usually not typically disgusted by male anatomy either. There are, however, many reasons why a woman might find herself repulsed by men, considering how they treat us, and what sex with them can mean.

I can't say whether you're a lesbian or not, only you know who you want, what you want, and whether you're able to be attracted to men, interested in them, etc. Febfems (female exclusive bisexual females) are also a thing, being bisexual doesn't mean you must be with men, you can have a strong preference and still be bi...

So really at the end of the day you're the only person who can answer this. Lesbians are female homosexuals, we are exclusively attracted to women, both romantically and sexually. If that is you, then you have your answer. If you're unsure, it is okay to take your time figuring it out.

There's nothing wrong about finding out you're not right about your own sexuality, as long as you stay respectful of the sexuality you thought you were.

The only advice I can give you is to go easy on yourself, and to remember your own experiences and your sexuality are not political or public, your own life is not up for anyone else to judge. Just go be happy, seek healthy relationships, and don't get yourself in situations you're not comfortable with. The rest will fall into place.

/Mod A

#questioning

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lokigodofaces · 2 years

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#add if you want to #tag whatever character/actor is relevant #i was just annoyed & used 3 breaks and 2 lunches to write this #loki laufeyson #bucky barnes

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