lesbian-ed

[lesbian-ed]

"I wish I wasn't that way" honey you're a lesbian and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You're surrounded by conversion therapy rhetoric and it's wrong. You aren't having a "genital preference" - you like women. The entire female form. You're a female homosexual. It's okay to be a lesbian.

There is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn't have to hide in order to pacify a mans ego.

[lesbian-ed]

i’m questioning my sexuality but i keep feeling like i don’t really belong anywhere.. i don’t want to date a man, ever, but i used to have fantasies about them in the past… and i see goldstars here on tumblr saying how real lesbians never question their sexuality, or on the opposite end lgbt activists saying lesbians are “non men attracted to non men” and that they can be attracted to trans women, which makes no sense… yeah i’m just really confused

We've gotten a lot of questions like this, and I'm a goldstar but also have struggled with similar questions myself. I know it can be frustrating to be unsure, and I know how hard it is to feel without community... I think the best advice I can give you is just to allow yourself to be yourself. If you never want to be with men, could never love a man, feel no attraction to men... That doesn't scream heterosexual attraction to me.

If you think you prefer women, but have been attracted to men in the past... Being bi or even febfem (female exclusive bisexual female) is a thing.

We've gotten a lot of questions like this, and I'm a goldstar but also have struggled with similar questions myself.

To me, it helps to think about sexuality as a morally neutral thing. Being lesbian, bi, or het, none of that is good or bad. It just is. It's also okay to be unsure, or even to think you're one thing and then find out you were wrong. Only you know how you feel, and who you're attracted to. Be patient with yourself, you don't have to have all the answers.

Respect yourself and your boundaries. What others think or say doesn't really change who you are.

I feel like gay men get a pass, no one questions them. I know gay men who have had sex with women, even often make out with women but call themselves gay, and no one says they're actually bi, or liars. I feel like men get so much more grace and confidence in their own sexuality, but as women we are made to constantly question ourselves.

What are your fantasies now? What do you want for the rest of your life? Who do you want companionhip from, who do you see yourself loving and cherishing and wanting love from? If the answer is only women... That sounds like a lesbian to me.

#sexuality #questioning lesbian #questioning #mod a #idk i may not have all the answers either

[lesbian-ed]

What are some healthy expressions of sexuality that don't involve porn consumption?

I feel like there's plenty, but I guess some of the simpler ones could be just masturbating without porn, having sex, flirting, etc.

I think there's some mixed views on erotica and how harmful it can be. I (personally) think it really depends on what content is being read/written, and how dependent you are on it.

If you're having trouble getting into a sexy mood without porn, I'd definitely consider just trying to learn your body and your needs during masturbation and sex, without any outside stimulus (except for your partner, that is).

If you're having a hard time, try creating a fantasy in your mind. It might take some time to find what works for you, you might want to turn to porn again, but try to go cold turkey and if you're really not getting anywhere, take a break, try again later.

Your mind is such a strong tool, and your body's physical sensations should all be enough to be able to enjoy your sexuality without porn.

Really there isn't a single way to go about this, everyone is different. Listen to your body, be patient. It definitely is worth it to not be dependent on porn (take it from someone who was once porn addicted myself).

#mod a #anti porn #anti pornography #sexuality #sexual health #mental health

[lesbian-ed]

Is it normal to not get wet during arousal? When I’m aroused I get warm and a bit tingly, I guess? But my vagina is still dry. I’m just not sure, if this is a normal reaction or if I should see a doctor.

Different women have all different levels of vaginal lubrication during arousal. Maybe you're on the low end, and some lube could be helpful (water based is usually the best call). Maybe you're just not quite that aroused? It can take longer/more stimulus before you become fully aroused too.

If this bothers you and causes discomfort during sex, talking to a doctor could definitely be the way forward. If this just seems to be how your body functions, adding lube might be all it takes to make it flow easier.

#sexual health #mod a

[lesbian-ed]

Do you have any advice on how to finger a girl? Specific motions or things to strive for. I hate penetration, so I can't base it on things I like, and my wife is pretty vague, so I was hoping I could surprise her with some technique

A "come hither" motion goes a looooong way. It usually feels better than just pistoning your fingers in and out (though variation can be key too). Every woman's body is slightly different, and sensitive spots might be differently located, but I'd say try a few different things, and listen/feel for what seems to work.

Here's a youtube video with pretty detailed and visual aid (not graphic). I personally suggest the come hither + pulsing, as someone who enjoys penetration quite a lot.

#mod a #sex advice #fingering

[lesbian-ed]

hi! i have some stuff i wanted to ask but if you guys are unable to answer is it better to not send it or wait if you ever become more free? it’s a very heavy topic for me so i don’t wanna write anything if it can’t be answered and is too much for y’all to read. thank you

Hey! I have some free time atm, so I'll answer asap, please feel free to send it. Please note if it's a topic regarding sexual/physical violence, it might take me a bit longer to answer, I like to reread and be cautious regarding those subjects, but I'll do my best.

#mod a

[lesbian-ed]

Hi. I don't know if this blog is still active but in case it is I was hoping maybe to hear some thoughts from you, or maybe even your followers, about confidence and comfort towards one's own body. Like how to deal with anxiety. I am lesbian, obviously female, way too old, I've never had sex, or even really dated. I don't approach people romantically because I hate my body and distance myself from all chances for dating. I've been trying to lose weight but I've struggled with obesity practically all my life. I also think I'm much hairier (I mean it's everywhere and I'm not light haired either omg) than what is normal for most women, and I hate both shaving and just letting the hair grow. I have more or less given up on dating because I don't want people to see me naked or get close to me. Sometimes I feel I'm content but sometimes I feel this isn't healthy: it concerns me that my hatred for my body is keeping me from experiencing intimacy, and how long can that go on until it becomes psychologically damaging. Though who am I kidding - the damage's been done. I understand that people of all shapes and sizes etc. date, fall in love and so on, but I have this deep-rooted discomfort about my body that I've felt since I was around twelve. So I was hoping to hear some thoughts or experiences on how one might overcome this kind of persistent disgust, though I understand if this isn't the kind of ask you wanna answer. In any case thank you for reading.

Hi! I'm sorry this ask has been sitting in our inbox for a few months, unfortunately we don't always still have the time or energy to go through the asks anymore. I wanted to answer this, and I know it's so late but here's to hoping you might wander back here someday, and that this may help you, or another woman who feels similary.

I shared this view for a really long time (so much so, I identified as trans for a long time. I never felt "woman enough" because of my body). I struggled with being fat, hairy, "unwomanly".

When I was in school all of my friends got attention from boys and men, and I never peaked anyone's interest. Even though I didn't want to be with boys, I still craved that attention, I thought there was something wrong with me for being someone who no one would ever want. I punished myself with no eating, too much eating, self harm.

For me, what finally clicked was when I was first introduced to radical feminism, and through that I started thinking about the concept of inherent worth. I knew all women had inherent worth for being women, for being alive. I knew I had empathy and care for all women, regardless of thei appearance, and I thought they all deserve respect. That eventually led to the radical realization that if I think all women are worthy, then I must extend this to myself. I am woman, just as any other. And my external appearance doesn't change my self worth.

It really helped to stop seeing what is considered "ugly" as a negative thing, and rather to think of it as neutral, inconseqential, of no value. Instead of looking at all that was "wrong" with me as a bad thing, I took all power from it. I knew that I would never think badly of other women who looked like me, so why would I be the only exception?

Slowly, I was able to take away all the weight I put into my appearance, and became more neutral. Don't get me wrong, I'm not magically healed. There are still days where I'm reminded of all the ways that I don't fit into society's expectations for what a woman should be. I'm reminded of how terrified my mom was and still is that I'd end up staying fat. I'm reminded of aunts and uncles comenting on me losing and gaining weight since I was as young as 6 or 7. I know that being hairy, with dark body hair all over, is not the standard for what's attractive.

But those days have less weight in the grand scheme of things because no longer is my focus in life to be palatable. And I don't mean to come off like I have all the answers, that my way is the only way. I know this is not an easy journey.

But I think in order for you to start seeing yourself as someone who is worthy of desire, of love, of care, first you've got to see yourself as human. The more I look back at how people treated me growing up, at how people still treat me now, the truth is that society doesn't see "ugly" women as people. We are dehumanized, objectified as clutter, things in the way of what is "right".

I'm sure you're a kind and nice person. Look at yourself from the outside in, look at yourself as you'd look at someone else: what would you say to yourself then? Would you really think so badly of you then?

Be patience. I understand we have a lot telling us that we are not good enough, that aging is bad, that we have expiration dates. But as long as you are around, you are human, you are worthy of kindness.

Regarding the romantic aspect of this, I used to share your anxiety, that no one would want to look at me naked, that I would never feel comfortable undressing in front of someone. But then I met my girlfriend, and she made me feel so comfortable with myself that when we finally met and the time came to share intimacy... It just happened so organically, so naturally. It wasn't a performance, it was caring for each other. Not once did she look at me with disgust, not once was she anything but kind. I don't think it's just because she's some saint. I think when you care about someone, attraction comes naturally, and you don't separate body and mind. You just know that is your person, and you want them fully.

So maybe slowly working on allowing others to see you for who you are, not physically, but like.... Your personality. Open up. It doesn't need to be going on dating apps. It's just... surround yourself with women. Be around other women, love them, let them love you.

Things move slow, but self care can be just allowing a friend to tell you you're a good person. Accept compliments, even when your instinct is to tell others that they're wrong. Be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness, there is nothing about the way you look that is inherently wrong.

Posting this here so hopefully we'll hear from others as well, and hopefully you'll catch this one. Take care. Be well. You deserve good things, just because you're human, just because you're there.

#mod a #self image #self esteem #self harm #body image #October 28 2022

[lesbian-ed]

found your blog going through my block list, must've blocked you years ago but I've since peaked and here to say you're doing a good job.

Bud!!! I'm so glad to hear this. All the mods have been out there living our lives, but this blog is still one of the things I'm most proud of. I'm happy for you, I hope you're living your best life!

#mod a

[lesbian-ed]

Hello and happy Lesbian day!

I've just discovered your blog, and I'm so happy i did!

My country is Quite homophobic, so are my relatieves and even many of my peers. Sometimes i feel very lonely, especially considering that i've never met another lesbian in the wild (and i've been around for 20+ years!), not even to mention butches

However, you give me hope and the thought of growing up to be as inspirational (at least in the looks) for younger generations as you are warms my heart. Thank you for sharing your life and being who you are!

Even though being gnc and a lesbian can be hard sometimes, i am really happy with the way i am and i wish everyone felt that way about themselves too

I am glad you found me as well!!

The Western World makes in hard enough to be a lesbian, expecially a visible on, ie butch or gnc or a maculine woman. To exist in places where it is truly dangerous and punishment is doled out by both society and the government is almost beyond my comprehension since I have not experienced that to any degree.

I think often of my friends who exist in other counties like Iran, and how much effort they put into being as unnoticed as possible. I hope for them to someday to have a place where they can thrive and be surrounded by the support and love of other lesbian, bi women and even some family members who reject the teachings of their own culture when it comes to gay people.

Even in my part of the world, I pushed back hard against the idea that I was a lesbian or that my masculinity was permanent, an innate and intregal part of me. I tried to think of being "butch" as a passing phase, a lingering aspect of Tomboyhood that would fade as I matured. I questioned my interests, my actions, my clothing and my connection with other women. Was I broken? Was I supposed to be a boy and something got crossed or messed up? Why could i not just like what girls are supposed to like?

Then I listened to other girls, and women, and realized that many of them were playing a game. Pretending to love what our society said they were supposed to in order to garner the support and rewards that come with conforming. It just so happened that my very phyical presence was not ever going to fit in. It was not as simple as putting on a dress, because THAT made things even more obvious.

Once I learned the word butch and met lesbians of all ages who talked about how great it was to be one, to hear other women say they "look for the butch in the room as a safe person" I started to think of myself as unique but not "not like other girls".

I want to be that beacon in the world to others, expecially other lesbians and butches who don't see us in "the wild". Who otherwise feel isolated, alone and like a fringe element of society because they see no others who can relate to their experiences.

I often write with 14 year old me in mine. What did I need to see?? What truths about being a lesbian would have been benefitial for me to love who I am earlier?

I am doing my best and my promise is to be as honest and open as possible, even when things are hard to hear or not the anwer people want.

I am so glad you love and embrace yourself in a place where you have to be your own cheerleader, for now. I wish for you to find support from others in your life someday and I have every hope that it will happen.

(photo me in a dress, trying to NOT look butch---FAIL. And WHY did I think puffy shoulder were a good idea??) Circa 1984

#this is so fucking important #butches #lesbians

[lesbian-ed]

racking up fines for wearing pants gang

#a league of their own

[lesbian-ed]

like EXCUSE ME 

[lesbian-ed]

To any upcoming freshmen: don’t date seniors

[lesbian-ed]

You should only be doing self breast exams about once a month. I knew a girl who did them every day and you absolutely should NOT do this. Imagine moving your couch a few millimeters every day, after one month, you don't notice it's been moved 10 centimeters after a while because it was gradual. Versus someone coming into your home and moving it 10 centimeters right away and you stub your toe, you notice. If you check everyday, you become accustomed to any gradual growth or hardening. There is such thing as being to vigilant

[lesbian-ed]

Hello, I could use some advice, as I struggle with masturbating healthily since I never had sex with a woman and don't know how it feels to be touched with full enthusiastic consent. I only had sex with one boy as a teenager and it left me with a bad habit of self-objectifying. I have low libido, but can have an orgasm thinking about having healthy sex with my future gf when in a good mood, and it brings me joy! But sometimes I'm antsy and want to do it but can't come, and have to use situations where there is not only a woman with me, but also a man who is seeing me as an object. Not interacting with him of my own volition, as I am not attracted to men. But a 'he' is there to witness and use me. It makes me sick to know this is in my head. I don't watch porn, but fanfic definitely has that aspect too so it might have combined with my only experience of sex... Idk how to begin to process this and move on as even F/F content is often based on objectification and I don't want to self-objectify in fantasies with a woman either

Girl... Take a break.

Masturbation is healthy and good and all, but if you're at a stage where you're stuck in an unhealthy loop... Quit cold turkey. Take a week, two, a month. If you fail, it's okay. But at least try and give yourself some time to just reconnect with yourself and your body.

I was porn addicted through my late teens, and things were escalating in a very unhealthy direction. What helped me a lot was some sexologist on YouTube who gave the advice to just kinda masturbate with no external stimulus. I won't lie, I slipped a lot when I was quitting porn. I used it to hurt myself, I watched the worst shit I could find just to feel something and feel disgusting after. It took a lot for me to relearn my libido in a better light, to get back control on my desire and focus on the good and healthy sides of it.

But the first step was taking a step back.

So I don't know, I'm no therapist, but I think I'd at least try to start there. Take a break, breathe. Do not consume fanfic for a while if you think it's harming you. Don't masturbate at all.

When you feel more in control, try and just be with your thoughts and your physical sensations when you try masturbating again. If your mind wanders to things you're uncomfortable with, stop right there. Not just a pause. Stop. Take another day or two. Listen to music, set time out to be with yourself, set the mood. Make masturbation a safe environment for yourself, make sure you don't have to rush, that no one could walk in.

In a way, masturbating with outside stimulus like fanfic or porn is like a ritual. Our brains like the ritual, it gets used to it. It gets addicted to it, and the more you repeat the cycle, the more your brain learns that these unhealthy thoughts are the only thing that can flood your body with the amazing hormones your body gets flooded with when you have an orgasm.

So cut that ritual short, take a break. Let your brain heal and get used to just being at the base line... And when you start up again, teach your brain that masturbating can be just about how good your body feels. Focus on how your own touch feels on your skin, focus on your breathing, on what feels good and what works best.

You are not broken. But you do need to take care of yourself. So be kind, and take your time.

Good luck, I believe in you. You deserve better.

#mod a #answered asks #unhealthy habits #unhealthy masturbation #masturbation #porn tw #anti pornography #anti porn #trigger warning #tw #compulsory heterosexuality #internalized misogyny #internalized homophobia #internalized lesbophobia #self objectification

[lesbian-ed]

Hi. I am so terrified of physical affection, lost so many flirts because of it. Even a small touch is so difficult for me. I have to drink to touch someone, only then I feel less tense. Impossible if i am sober. No, I have no history of sexual abuse. I feel like I'll never find a girl because i am too scared and shy about it.

You shouldn't be with someone who you're not comfortable with. You don't have to be touched. You don't have to be with someone at all.

A lot of people show affection through touch and I can't imagine how frustrating your position might be, but maybe put things on a scale: what are you looking for from someone else, if you do not want to be touched rn? Do you want a relationship or a flirt or a crush, or do you think you have to want that?

You don't need to excuse your preferences through trauma, I'd just recommend to have a long convo with yourself about what you want and what you need, and maybe let some of the weight off your shoulders. Just be you, don't put yourself in dangerous situations to try and force yourself into interactions you're not actually interested in.

And maybe one day you'll be at a random park bench and some nice woman will sit 30 centimeters from you and ask about the weather just to look in your eyes and you'll both smile too much and bond and exchange numbers... And you will be touched when you're ready to be touched, and you will touch when you are ready to touch.

Until then, respect your own boundaries. Be safe. Be kind to yourself.

#Mod a

[lesbian-ed]

Re "late bloomers": I was an extremely late bloomer. It took me a long time to come to terms w/my own self-esteem/body/sexuality stuff. I worried it was too late & then convinced myself I just wasn't interested in a relationship at all b4 I eventually came around & decided to at least try dating. 1st real kiss & 1st relationship were at 34. Now 40s & married to my wife for 5 years. It def felt awkward admitting my inexperience at first, but just be honest about where you're at and you'll be fine

I haven't been around to post much, but I saw this ask randomly and it is sooo important I wanted to publish it.

Your life is your own, there is no rule that applies to how early or late in life you'll find romantic love. Allow yourself to grow and be at peace with yourself. Your time will come when it is your time.

#Mod a

[lesbian-ed]

Idk if I'm being dumb but how do I find my clitoral hood? I know where my clitoris is, but how do I know what the hood is and what the actual bare clit is? I feel like i don't have a hood but I know I must. I'm sorry I know this is probably a really silly question but I've tried googling it and it just comes up with explaining what the hood is, but I don't know how to find mine.

You just need a mirror! Take a peek down there and you can see it.

#anon #mod s