#I rarely check my stats

[amethystina]

Fanfic Stats Tag

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

I choose to be tagged by @imafriendlydalek!

Most Hits: Who Holds the Devil (The Devil Judge) To no one's surprise. The number of hits on that fic is insane x'D Like, I literally can't wrap my brain around that number. It's just too high. Though, obviously, it's a lot of chapters, is being posted as I write it, and I've been working on it for almost two years now. So it has a lot of opportunities to accumulate a lot of hits. But, uh, still. This fic is... yeah. It's HUGE — in more ways than one. Though I wonder how many of those hits are just people refreshing it to check if I've updated it recently x'D

Second Most Kudos: Autonomy (Marvel) This one was number one for YEARS but was recently surpassed by another Marvel fic (which is also on this list!). And I'm honestly a little bummed about that because I'm very, very proud of this fic and I liked that I could say that it was also my most popular one. Though, tbh, if the trend continues, Who Holds the Devil might just breeze past both this and the number one fic eventually. Whoops x'D

Third Most Comments: Tech Support (Marvel) And this completes the trifecta of "the three big fics fighting for all the cool stats." I.e. this is the one that currently has the most kudos. Which kind of surprises me, to be honest. I love this fic, make no mistake, but I'm also not sure why it has become so popular? But I'm also not complaining, obviously ;)

Fourth Most Bookmarks: Tech Support (Marvel) It's a close race, though. One of my Teen Wolf fics is pretty close to overtaking it (especially if I check the bookmark stats on the Statistics page as opposed to the ones publically available). Again, this fic is just generally popular, I guess?

Fifth Most Words: ... fucked if I know x'D So here's the thing. I have Taming of the Wolf (Teen Wolf) which is at 105 369 words, which right now lands it in fourth place. BUT, I'm currently posting Until Death Do Us Unite (Strangers From Hell) which is fifth at the time of writing. Except I have actually finished writing this fic already, I just haven't edited and posted the last three chapters. And it currently has 105 367 words (in my document, that is, not on AO3), but more might be added in the editing process. So odds are it'll pass Taming of the Wolf but I honestly can't say for sure. Like, the margin is RIDICULOUS at this point and it's definitely going to be interesting to see where we end up xD

Least Words: Amor gignit amorem (Raven Cycle) I kind of always forget that this fic is only 3 584 words xD Though I will admit I'm being lazy here. I have shorter fics that are parts of fic collections but I REALLY don't feel like trying to compare all those. So yeah. You're getting this soft and fluffy oneshot instead.

I tag whoever wants to do it! :D

#Amethystina Does Tag Games #Amethystina Writes #To be entirely honest #I rarely check my stats #Especially not the hits #Like #I don't even really know what to do with those numbers? #Though I did go on a bit of a ride one time #When I calculated the kudos to bookmark ratio on Autonomy #As in how many of the registered users who COULD bookmark also ended up doing it #Presumably after also leaving a kudos #And it was so insanely high that I haven't really dared to touch my stats since x'D #They scare me

[teaandinanity]

Ughhh I love Roots of Pacha but the fact that rare animal spawns are dependent on taming MORE INDIVIDUALS THAN THERE ARE VARIANTS is so fucking stupid.

Also stupid: Bred animals do not count towards this arbitrary number. So if you catch one of each type and then work towards improving your stats? You will never get there.

If other people had not repeatedly told me the number I had to tame I would NEVER have done that. I do not feel like most people would.

And the game itself never even implies you need to do this, so the only reason we know is that kindly code divers found Absolute Nonsense and went ‘hey FYI--’

#Roots of Pacha #I really do love it as evidenced by the amount of time I have on my played stats #but also #ffs #what the HELL were the devs THINKING here???? #people don't DO that! NO ONE would do that! that is counterintuitive and absurd! #it is not signposted at ALL! #things should be figure-outable without someone picking the code apart to find the list of requirements! #anyway I am now using a guide some wonderful person wrote that not only has the requirements listed #it tells you which days it is possible for the rares to spawn #so I am not checking herds every day being sad #actually ykw I'm gonna add a link to the body of this in case other people are not on the discord #and are still bashing their heads against this in Increasing Frustration

[coldercreation]

EXCUSE ME ????!!

#atdgshjfdkgf #the fyck #first of all #who tf do I even think I am with that 400K word count😭 #that's insane #slap me the next time I whine about never getting anything done #but holy shit that's so many hits? #and kudos #and comments #and the hell??? #I check these stats so rarely #this is just wild to me ?? #I've spoken to like two people in my entire life #what do you mean there's been 241539 times that someone's clicked on my silly wlitte stories 😭😭😭 #sdvhfjgkhlj #<33333333

[xqueen-of-disasterx]

Maybe one with bunny!hyrbid!reader and Natasha “adopts” her and just fucks the shit out of her with her strap (or her real cock if you prefer to write that)

Run Rabbit Run

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: fem!bunny!hybrid!reader x owner!Nat

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐲: Natasha can’t help but grant her bunny all her little wishes

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUT, dom!Nat, sub!reader, age gap (legal), ownership, size kink, strap on, artificial cum, slight breeding kink, pillow humping, slight somno, masturbation, crying during it,

!Disclaimer English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar or spelling errors. This story is completely fictional. I do not own these characters!

𝐌.𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

What to do with all the money you make as an Avenger? That was a question Natasha had ask herself more times than she could count. Sure currently was her monthly pay check and all the money she made from interviews and social media was rotting away in her bank account, because she was never a fan of making herself gifts nor did she have time for it. But now with Easter just around the corner the Russian decided to not only do something against her overload on money but also against her loneliness.

She wanted a hybrid, not just some brainless pet but something that could actually understand her. The concept of owing a hybrid wasn't new of course it had been around for years, back in the days they actually hunted them from nature but nowadays there was no need after they got a hang of how to domesticate such a creature.

Natasha stepped foot in one of the only places in the whole of New York who sold these rare creatures- Tony had recommended it to her after once more bragging about his large collection. The over friendly employee showed her the different enclosures all while the employee tried to keep it together- after all you didn't see an Avenger daily not even when working for a prestigious company like she did.

Natasha first visited the cat hybrids, cute but too stubborn, then the dogs, too dependent, foxes were too clever for her taste though especially the polar foxes caught her eyes. Bears and any other large animals would be too much work and needed too much space. The right pick was right on her nose she wanted to get herself a bunny.

Standing in front of the enclosure which held you and a few of your companions Natasha and the employee stood, her gaze never leaving your body. You didn't alter much from a normal human, except for the fluffy bunny ears, little tail and over all smaller build you looked like any other girl. You were going to cost her a hefty amount of hard earned money but for your rare breed, Natasha couldn't care less about that in the moment. The way you stat there so carelessly reading some book which laid in her lap, made you different in her eyes more intelligent maybe? She wanted connection and not some braindead doll after all.

"The one in the pink collar… is she still to have?" Natasha asked the employee you gave her a quick nod. "Yes, she hasn't been here for long though the ones like her normally get adopted quite quickly." Nat only hummed in approval she couldn't wait to have you in her home. "I'll have her in a private kennel"

Meeting a potential owner made you nervous of course you had been trained to and prepared on how to act in such a situation, how to appeal to any potential owner - though you secretly hoped for a female buyer. You tried your best to hide your shy nature from the older woman who awaited you but Natasha found it charming how your, compared to your body, large floppy bunny ears hang low but twitched up when she spoke to you in a gentle manner.

Natasha approached the situation with a calm demeanour- she knew about the shy nature of a bunny like you. As soon as you were comfortable enough to approach her she started to pet over your smaller head with careful hands- and you loved it. By the end of your get to know each other you sat on the redhead's lap clinging on to her. But you weren't parted for long Natasha signed all the paperwork the same day and at the start of the next week you were able to move in with her.

She had given you a nice room, with many books, TV and games to entrain yourself with while she would be working. You came with the clothes from the centre, a basic white bluse, white skirt everything in white , like any other hybrid except for your coloured coded collar which adored your neck so the employees had an easier time keeping hybrids a part. Natasha started to take great joy in precisely choosing each outfit for you. Price didn't matter to Natasha, if she found something to be cute she bought it for you and Nat was known for expensive taste. Sooner or later your closet was fuller than hers, filled to the brim with shorts, blouses, floral summer dresses anything which had a playful feel to it.

Natasha was a busy woman though, often being away for days at a time, she normally made up with expensive gifts and extensive cuddling for her little bunny girl. But that hardly was enough to satisfy your need to be close to the older woman, not to mention that you were worried sick about your owner once you had found out that she wasn't a simple business woman but an avenger.

Natasha came home at around 3 AM after a long mission in Europe the jet lag and sleep deprive was killing her, and since she thought you'd already be asleep at such a late hour- and way past your agreed on bed time, she'd just go to sleep already. As soon as she had stripped to her underwear and her face had it the pillows she was dead asleep, little did she know that you weren't.

Next door you were awake, not only that but you were desperate. This had never happened before yet you immediately knew what it was. You had your first heat, and nothing helped, no toy's from the centre, no playing with yourself, no nothing. You had a pillow under your hips probed up at the seams you humped the pillow like your life depended on it.

You mewled as your already sensitive cunt graced over the edge of the pillow. You were close to cuming but you couldn't bring yourself over the edge. That's when you heard Natasha rummaging through the house you're floppy bunny ears twitching up to detect the source of the noise. You waited patiently in your room trying to find some sleep, maybe Natasha could help you out in the morning. But you could feels your juices sticking to the inside of your thighs.

With small steps you made it into Natasha's bed room tears of frustration already building in your eyes threatening to spill over your blushing cheeks. Carefully you climbed into her bed to find her in a deep slumber laying on her back. You sat down on her on her thigh your pussy making contact with her soft skin.

Slowly you started to rhythmically move it against the limp muscles of her thigh small whimpers falling from your throat in between the sobs of frustration paired with the cries of her name and the tears rolling down your cheek it made a whole picture.

Natasha peaceful face scrunched up in confusion of the sensation when she slowly woke from her slumber she was utterly distraught. Her sweet little bunny humping her thigh like a bitch in heat. With careful hands she stopped your hips and you immediately broke out into a new round of sobs and cries.

"Sheesh" she hushed you petting over over your low hanging ears "You're just in heat bunny, it'll be over soon" She assured you when you pressed your face into her neck. "I want it over now!" You cried out "what about the advice the centre gave you?" She tried but feeling you so desperate and need had an affect on her too.

"Doesn't work" You huffed out "I want you to play with me" Nat was startled by the request, was it morally right for her to sleep with you? It was the main point of criticism surrounding owing a hybrid, but what if not the owner but the hybrid wanted it. "Please" you whined and the assassin's strong will broke right there. "Wait here bunny I'll go get something" You nodded and released Natasha from your grace watching her go.

She came back with a noticeable bulge in her sleep shorts, which upon seeing made your thighs clench together. "It's not going to hurt bunny" She assured and got behind you pulling her shorts down to reveal her, to your body size massive, strap on. She pressed the fat tip against your entrance and your hooded eyes flew open in surprise at the shear size of the toy.

"Natty, it's to big" You mewled out your cotton tail twitching "It's not gonna fit" Natasha scoffed shaking her head as if you had just made an outrageous statement. "I'm gonna make it fit bunny" She pushed forward and your bunny hears flew up in surprise of the stretch. You hands dug into the soft pillow underneath your head as you whimpered in a mic of pain and pleasure.

"Natasha!" You cried as she bottomed you out the stretch being much greater than you could've accomplished with your little fingers. "I'm gonna move now bunny" You nodded and felt her starting with a comfortable rhythm which made the pain turn into pleasure.

By your sweet moans she could tell how much you liked it and fastened her pace to finally give you what you wanted. With deep thrusts she stroked your G spot making you see stars as she too enjoyed the feeling of the strap running against her clit. You mewled out some words she couldn’t make out but took at as a sign of approval for her to keep going.

With both of her hands on your hips she forcefully slammed into your tight heat making sure to not actually hurt you. You arched your back one hand sneaking to your neglected bundle of nerves rubbing it in tight circles. “Fuck are you close?” Natasha asked there was a certain tiredness in her voice still. She clenched down harder on the silicone and mewled out “Yes, please”

“Fuck cum with me” with a few more fast thrusts you came first you’re juicing coating the lower stomach of the black widow. She had a surprise for you when you noticed a thick liquid gushing from the strap into your womb as she came. After having cum herself she pulled out to watch in an awe how the white cum was dripping from your stretched out hole.

After having cleaned you up Natasha could finally rest but not without you resigning on her chest of course. Call it what you wanted for Natasha those feelings of affection were real and of no ill intent she just did whatever you wanted to ensure happiness. With that thought and still cum dripping from your hole both you and Natasha fell asleep.

:)

#natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x female reader #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff x you #black widow x reader #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha romanoff #lesbian smut #lesbian #wlw ns/fw #marvel woman x reader #marvel smut #marvel fanfiction

[marlenesluv]

Denial is a Man’s Bestfriend. (MV)

summary: Y/n and Max have been friends since karting years, and now? Now, they’re teammates at Redbull. They are one of the best teammate duos in the Grid, but what happens when Max catches feelings?…Or when everyone but them notices they are in love but themselves?

pairing: max verstappen x fem!reader

warnings: cussing, a little suggestive at the end?

masterlist here -> masterlist link

^ check my list for all posts! ^

liked by: maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 512,011 others

y/n.user: disappointing day in japan. from a p3 quali to a race day dnf. we lost out this week, i’m sorry. i’ll do better in qatar 🇶🇦 see you then.

view comments…

f1updates: not a great race, but you’ll bounce back!! we love youuuu

maxverstappen1: the dnf wasn’t your fault. we’ll do better next week💙 you got this

↳ y/n.user: 💙💙

user2: soooo….we all seeing those hearts?

y/nfp8: don’t be too hard on yourself :( we <3 u

redbullracing: you got this next week!

racerbia: you’re gonna do amazing next week!! i cant wait to see you race. you’re amazing

↳ y/n.user: thanks bianca

f1fp33: omgggg y/n and bia?! she’s my fav f4 driver

↳ y/nsedits9: yessss, they are good friends :)

mv1wc6: i’m not breezing past the fact that max was so quick to comment like seconds after she posted…whipped

formula1pg: you got this‼️

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

twitter:

F1 News @f1news • 3hr ago

Redbull Racer, Y/n Y/l/n, was seen getting on her flight quickly after the Japan race last night where she dnfed.

The dnf was confusing at first, but it was not her fault. It seems that something went wrong with the car, which is rare for Redbull. They posted earlier on their story, “We are not sure what caused Y/n to dnf, but we are working with her car now to figure it out.” Not much, right?

Well, luckily she has her teammate and friend, Max Verstappen, to cheer her up in her comments. She was seen this morning, 1 hour before she posted her Instagram post about Japan, with Max. They were getting breakfast in Monaco….what do you think?

↳ Alyssa @lyssastalks • 3hr ago

Bro. Y/n did so good before the race. The car was fucked tbh. Its not her fault. As for her and Max? Shipppppp😋

↳ F1 Stat Page @stats4f1 • 2hr ago

I’m not sure if it was her or the car, but I lean towards the car. Her progress has been so good until last night. Unfortunately, that’s the game. If the car is fucked, so is the driver 🤷‍♂️

↳ Y/n and Max Pics @maxy/nship • 2hr ago

I ship them so hard, like pls pls pls. They are both so hot, funny, and the best drivers, imo. Power couple!!!!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

your instagram story:

seen by: maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, and 481,028 others

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

texts with max after media day, both of you in your hotels:

your pov:

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

max texting daniel after he texts you goodnight:

maxs pov:

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: maxverstappen1, lilymhe, and 567,139 others

y/n.user: so excited for the race tomorrow!! we start p1🥳 tune in to watch me beat max😋

view comments…

maxverstappen1: i wont let you win, but i would be okay with you winning

↳ landonorris: simp

↳ danielricciardo: such a simp

↳ charles_leclerc: hard core simping

user3: not the guys just calling max out LMAO

f1editpgs: you got thissssss!!! lfggggg

racerbia: you got it in the bag!

↳ y/n.user: tyy💓

redbullracing: 💙💙 woohoo!!

papayanews: not a redbull fan… BUT I AM A Y/N FAN🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳😋😋😋😋😋🤭🤭🤭💙💙💙

lailahasanovic: you got this babes!! mick and i will be cheering you on from the mercedes garage

↳ mickschumacher: i mean, i’ll be cheering lewis and george on but i’ll cheer y/n on too!

↳ lailahasanovic: yes, you will. loudly

↳ y/n.user: thank you?….

f1feministslay: beat the men!!

user7: calling in sick to watch this because it’s gonna be so good

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: y/n.user, danielricciardo, and 712,004 others

tagged: y/n.user

maxverstappen1: congratulations on the qatar win, y/n!! p1 on one of the hardest tracks, i’m so proud of you. it feels like just yesterday we were karting together and dreaming of our first wins, and here we are. we’ve made it

view comments…

maxfp1: PROPOSE ALREADY WTFFF SOBBING

y/n.user: i’m actually sobbing. thank you max😭❤️💙

↳ maxverstappen1: oh no

landonorris: check ur texts rn

user4: lando😭 guys the drama is dramaing

f1fp68: so cuteeee stopppp

wc20d: they’re gonna date, i’m calling it

y/nandmax1: FAVSSSSSSS

f1wags: our fav driver is gonna turn into a wag, guys

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

gc from max’s pov:

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: y/n.user, danielricciardo, and 732,147 others

maxverstappen1: let’s play a game, teammates or dating?

view comments…

y/n.user: hmmmm🤔

redbull19: stoppppp this is too cute. i love them

user3: DONT EVEN. I LIVE

danielricciardo: FINALLY

↳ y/n.user: wdym “finally”?

↳ landonorris: max is a muppet and didn’t ask you out for agesssss

↳ maxverstappen1: im going to block you all, not y/n, but everyone else

↳ landonorris: 🖕

booktoks777: grumpy x sunshine fr

↳ anahuangsfanss: workplace romance !!

↳ reading4ever: forbidden romance?!

carmenmmundt: yesssss, i love you guys together 💓

↳ y/n.user: tyyy carm💓

user1: yupppp. adorable

charles_leclerc: so glad you two are together!😘

*liked by creator*

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, and 604,134 others

y/n.user: austin dump🖤

view comments…

user2: “austin dump” of max?

charlottesine: okkkk, love🔥

↳ y/n.user: love you

↳ charlottesine: i love you😘

f1wags: brooooo stoppp that’s too HOT

rbw88: my fav drivers are literally dating 😩🩷

user7: butterflies 🦋💗

maxverstappen1: 🖤❤️🖤

↳ y/n.user: ❤️🖤❤️

landonorris: hm. partial slay bc that second one is tmi

321lightsout: austin is my fav track now🇺🇸🦅

form1234edits: let’s talk about how fit they are wtfff🫠

francisca.cgomes: love you two together

↳ y/n.user: ty kika💓

user5: obsessed 🔥🔥🔥

edits4f1: can’t wait to edit them cuz they are the hottest couple fr

danielricciardo: YESSIR 🦅🇺🇸 the power of austin brought everyone these pictures (we didn’t need the middle one)

↳ y/n.user: ugh but we look so good

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

(reposts, comments, and likes are appreciated!^-^)

#formula 1 #f1 #formula one #max verstappen #max verstappen smau #max verstappen x y/n #max verstappen fluff #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fic #f1 max verstappen #mv1 x reader #mv1 #mv1 imagine #mv33 x reader #mv33 #mv33 imagine #smau #f1 smau #f1 fluff

[cameronspecial]

The Other Drew

Pairing: Drew Starkey x Reader

Warnings:  Getting Hit By Car, Amnesia, Almost Drowning

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: Drew's crush on Y/N gets him hit by a car and causes him to lose his memories. She doesn't have the heart to tell him the truth.

A/N: This is inspired by The Other Zoey trailer drop.

Masterlist

The invisible waves from the sun steam off the pavement. She readjusts her claw clip in her hair to keep the hair off of her neck. She looks up from her textbook occasionally to watch people walk past her. The sudden sound of a ball hitting the ground and yelling coming from behind her attacks all of her senses. She is about to turn around to ask if they could shout any louder, but a sharp pain to the back of her head stops her. “Sorry, that was my fault,” a voice calls out. Y/N turns to see the voice belongs to Drew Starkey. She gives a roll of her eyes, “Well, next time, keep your balls to yourself.” He approaches closer to her and she is surprised to be overcome by the fresh and clean scent of the man, considering the sweaty dripping off of him. He lets out a deep chuckle and smirk forms on his face as he bends down to pick up the basketball. 

“Darling, I am more than capable of controlling my balls,” he teases, finding the scowl on her face adorable. Y/N shakes her head, “That doesn’t even make any sense.” “I think you know what I mean, Darling.” Drew brings the bottom of his shirt to wipe off the sweat on his forehead, which Y/N is a hundred percent sure he does to show off his defined abs underneath. She has enough of his cocky attitude and picks up her bag to leave. He doesn’t want her to leave, so he hesitantly reaches out to stop her. The pressure of his fingers on her bicep causes her to glare at him, yanking her arm away. Her defiance to his charm is rare to him and he likes that she doesn’t just bite down her remarks for the sake of him liking her. He watches as she walks away and the scent of her lavender perfume fades away. Drew wishes she would stay to tell him her name.

——

Drew wouldn’t say that he stalked her, but he did ask around about her. Y/N Y/L/N is a psychology major in her junior year. She doesn’t have much of a social presence on campus, yet it is known that she hangs out with Addy Morrison, who Drew has spoken to at a few parties. He is close to a friend of Addy and he told him that Addy frequents Page Turner, a bookstore just outside of the campus. The reason for her habitual visits, Y/N works at the store. 

He wipes his palms on his pants before opening the door to the shop. A little girl and her mother are on the other side and he lets them walk out then enters. His gaze darts to the counter with the cash register; disappointment flashes through his face when he sees that she isn’t at the counter. He has been in the store a couple of times before and while he does enjoy the dusty smell of books, he hasn’t been able to find what he has been coming to the store for. The unoccupied register does give him hope that she might be working today because no other employee seems to be working at the store. He browses the books until he hears the creak of a hinge opening from the back of the store. He waits for a second to check over his shoulder at the door, but the smell of lavender filling the room tells him who it is. He hides his smirk and waits for the patter of her footsteps to stop. 

“Does this place sell phone chargers?” he asks, walking toward her. He waves his dead phone, which is really just turned off, in the air before placing it on the counter. She gives him a raised eyebrow and an annoyed look. “This is a bookstore, not Apple,” she mocks. He laughs at her remark, “Does your boss know that you are always so rude to the customers, Darling?” “You know you should try reading more. You might be one of the 36 million Americans, who can’t read over a third-grade level,” she quips, ignoring his previous comment. He grins at her, “Interesting. Could you get me a statistic book on that?” Surprise flashes on her face. “Really?” she inquires, turning towards the computer. He amusedly shakes his head, “Nah.” She gives him a crossed look, “You know people don’t like sarcastic people.” “They also don’t like know-it-alls either, Darling,” he fires back, turning towards the door and exiting. 

Y/N glances down at the counter to find his phone still there. She does not want to give it back to him but fights against her better judgment. She runs out after him, calling his name. He stops in the middle of the street and turns toward her. She goes to give him his phone when the blaring of a horn fills the air. The car slows down, but not fast enough. Drew is knocked off his feet and his head slams against the ground. Y/N lets out a small scream, running to check on him. 

“Are you fucking crazy? Watch where you are going. That was a crosswalk, Jackass,” she screams at the driver, who came out of the car to check on the person he hit. When Drew comes to, all he sees is the ray of sunshine standing above him. Her hands are waving around in the air as she screams at someone in front of her. He doesn’t know who she is, but he feels an overwhelming feeling of affection for her. She must be his girlfriend with the way she is defending him. Once she gets the driver’s information for the insurance, she helps Drew up from the ground. “Darling, what happened?” He questions, letting her guide him to her car. She sends a quick text to the owner explaining what happened and that she locked up, “You got hit by a car. I’m going to get you to the hospital.” She settles into the car and helps him buckle his seat belt. “Oh, that’s good. Hospital good. You are such a good girlfriend,” he babbles. She ignores his statement about being his girlfriend, hoping she just misheard him. 

——

“The doctor said he has a concussion, so wake him up every so often to make sure he’s fine. If he pukes, take him to the hospital just in case,” she informs Austin, one of Drew’s frat brothers. He nods his head and helps guide Drew to their couch, “Got it. So you’re Y/N?” She gives him a puzzled look. She’s never talked to him and she sure as hell never told Drew her name. “Uh, yeah,” she awkwardly responds. “Austin, you should know her. She’s my girlfriend,” Drew scolds, looking at her with loving eyes. Austin gives her a confused look. “He also has amnesia. He thinks I’m his girlfriend,” she whispers the last part. “I don’t exactly have the heart to tell him otherwise, so I’ll just wait until he remembers.” Austin’s mouth opens in understanding. 

She hands Austin a post-it note with her number, “Give him my number when he is feeling a little better. I have the driver’s info so he can file an insurance claim. I’ll also ask the owners of the store around where he got hit for surveillance footage.” Austin takes the number into his hand. “Got it. Thanks for taking care of him,” Austin thanks, leading her out of the door. 

——

Got the insurance claim :). He texts her, sitting back on the couch. He sees the bubbles pop up and a smile spreads across his face. That’s good. He hasn’t gotten to see her since the accident. Every time he tries to take her on a date, she says she is either busy with work or school. God, his girlfriend is so hardworking. It’s cute. He remembers he is supposed to go back home this weekend and decides that this is a good time for her to meet his family. Darling, I’m gonna go to my mom’s place this weekend. Wanna come? 

Y/N stares at the phone with a grimace. She wants to tell him no and she also knows she has to tell him in person that she isn’t his girlfriend, which she could do after dinner. Okay, I’ll go. 

——

The car ride is quiet with Drew trying to make conversation with her. She keeps shutting him down. She parks the car on the street and he gets out of the car, going around to open her door before she can do anything else. “Thanks,” she mutters, feeling guilty, she takes the arm he offers for her to grab. The door opens before they can get to it and out comes a beautiful blonde. “Drew, are you feeling better? How’s your head?” she worries, checking over his head before going to give him a hug. He shakes his head with a smile, “I’m fine, Mack. My girlfriend was there to take care of me.” Mackayla, who Y/N knows is his sister because he gave her a breakdown of his family, does a double take upon seeing her. “So you weren’t joking about that. You actually have a girlfriend,” she states, holding her hand out for Y/N to take. Drew gives Mack a funny look, “Of course, I wasn’t joking. What are you on about?” Y/N squeezes his arm in reassurance, “Drew, it’s fine. Let’s just go in.” 

Inside, they find Drew’s other sister, his brother and mom in the kitchen. “Hey guys, I want you to meet Y/N, my girlfriend,” Drew introduces, using his hand on her lower back to nudge her toward the kitchen island. She awkwardly waves to his family. “Wow, he wasn’t joking,” Brooke says. Drew and Y/N watch as she hands Logan some money. Drew’s face turns to shock, “You guys bet on my girlfriend being real or not?” “I thought it was easy money. Drew, you’ve never talked about her before,” Brooke defends. Y/N notices Drew’s pouty face and feels bad for him, “Yeah, it’s because the relationship is relatively new. Your brother is a great guy though.” Jodi rounds the counter to give Y/N a hug. “Don’t listen to my children. He talks about you all the time since he got his concussion. Maybe, it knocked him to be more confident in your relationship,” she promises, taking a step back to admire her son’s girlfriend. 

——

“So you’re studying psychology, Y/N,” Jodi states with interest. Y/N looks up from playing with her food, “Yes, ever since I was younger trying to figure out the reasoning for our behaviour fascinated me. My parents like to joke that I was the little therapist of my preschool class, always trying to solve everyone's problems.” “That’s pretty funny,” Logan notes. Drew gives her a massive grin and throws his arm over the back of her chair, “See, my girl is so smart.” His pride feels so genuine and he gives her a kiss on her cheek. 

“Y/N,” Brooke calls out to capture her attention. “We are going to the beach house during Drew’s reading week. Do you want to come? We would all love to get to know you better.” She should’ve said no. There was no reason why she should say yes because she was supposed to tell Drew the truth. But then she remembers saying she would let Drew figure it out on his own time so she doesn’t break his heart. Plus,  who doesn’t want a free trip to the beach house? He turns towards her with wide puppy dog eyes and she knows her only answer could be: “Yes.” 

——

Y/N is meant to meet Drew at his house so they can drive up to his mom’s house together and then with his family to the beach property. “Drew is out getting some things for the trip. He said you can wait in his room,” Chase tells her, leading her to Drew’s room. She thanks him and enters the room. The amount of books in his room truly shocks Y/N. His shelves are filled with classics and profound books that even she doesn’t have the patience to read. She spots his schedule printed on a paper above his desk. This is another source of shock as she notices both classes for the stage and screen program as well as the English program. If Drew is in the stage and screen program, then why does he have so many English classes? 

“Have fun snooping?” Drew pulls her out of her exploration. She turns towards him with embarrassment on her face, “Uh, yeah. Why do you have so many English classes?” 

“Right, most people don’t know that I’m doing a double major. Stage and Screen, and English. I like to read.”

“And yet you went into a bookstore looking for a charger. What’s your favourite book?”

“Well, I had to charge my phone if I was going to take pictures that try to capture your beauty. And East of Eden is my favourite book. I like how it explores the mystery of identity. How it shows the inability to explain love. And how it demonstrates that the absence of love can lead to murderous outcomes.”

“Wow, spoken like a true English major.”

They both laugh at her joke and smile at each other. Y/N, stereotypically, never thought that there was more to Drew than his fratboy, actor persona and she is happily being proven wrong right now. He changes the subject, placing something in his suitcase before closing it up, “Are you ready to go?” “Yep, my suitcase is downstairs already,” she nods. “Great! Let’s go.” They pack their bags into his car and start the drive to his mom’s house.

——

The drive to the beach is filled with laughter and car games. Y/N really does enjoy being in his family’s company. After the car ride, everyone wants to just relax for a little bit, so they retreat to their own rooms. She is sharing a room with Drew. After unpacking their stuff, he settles at his desk with his laptop. She can see he is reading something but doesn’t know what. Instead, she concerns herself with trying to finish up her work so she can have the rest of the week free. 

“What are your thoughts on cognitive dissonance?” he turns towards her with an inquisitive look. She looks up at him in surprise that he is asking her a psychological question, “I think that I have major cognitive dissonance when it comes to eating healthy.” 

“Well, you know one way you could ease some of your discomfort from it is either by changing your attitude, so maybe just stop thinking that you need to eat healthy. Or you can change your behaviour by eating healthy. Or you can think of a new cognition about not eating healthy by saying that your busy schedule sometimes doesn’t allow you to eat healthy.”

“All that is very true. Are you planning on adding another major to the list? Why do you sound like my introduction to psych textbook from first year?” 

“No, no thoughts on a new major. I just thought it would be nice to have something to talk to each other about and you like psychology.”

“That’s sweet. We can talk about books too, you know.”

“We could, but I have a feeling the books I like to read aren’t the kinds you like. The book I ordered still has come in yet, so we’ll have to wait to be able to talk about those.” 

“What book did you order?”

“The Library of Lost Things. I saw it on your dashboard the day you drove me to the hospital.” 

“You ordered a book just because I’m reading it.”

“Of course. I want to know what you like, Darling.” 

Butterflies erupt through her stomach at his charming gesture. “Do you mind if I play some music? It helps me think,” she asks. He nods as he hands her his Bluetooth speaker. Her music plays as she works and Drew can’t help but dance to the song. He stands up from his chair. His hips move from side to side and his finger gun hands move in a circular motion like a train. She giggles at his dancing. He holds out his hand for to get up from his bed and dance with her. She moves her hips to the beat of the music, twirling in his hands. Feeling a little silly, she does the shopping cart move, which he mimics. The upbeat music stops and a Lewis Capaldi song starts to play. Drew quickly places his hands around her waist, bringing her in for a slow dance. 

Her head rests on his chest and they sway to the beat of the music. This peaceful moment is one she never thought she’d have with him. 

——

“Come on, just try. I promise to be beside you the whole time,” Drew begs, holding onto her bicep. She turns her head away from him, “Are you crazy? I am not getting on that surfboard.” “Nothing will happen to you. I’ll protect you,” he breaths out close to her ear, causing some heat to build in the pit of her stomach. She looks out to the ocean where others are surfing and they look like they are having fun. She guesses she can give it a try. “Fine, but you can’t leave my side,” she threatens, walking towards the water with the expectation that he will follow. “Deal.” He picks up his surfboard and jogs after her. 

When they get deep enough into the water, he helps onto the board. “Okay, for now, you’ll just do some paddling to get used to the feeling. Then hopefully, as the week goes by, you can work your way up to actually standing up on the board,” he advises, helping her lie down on the board. She gets the hang of it; however, a sudden wave catches them both off guard. Y/N gets thrown off of the board and into the water. She isn’t expecting this action, which causes her to panic. She can’t tell up from down and she doesn’t have enough air in her lungs for her to feel comfortable. A pair of arms wrap around her waist, which helps her to the surface. Her panic starts to die down with the relief of air entering her lungs. 

Her gasps worry Drew and he rubs her back reassuringly. “It’s okay. I got you, Darling. I got you,” he whispers, kissing her temple. She nuzzles her head into his neck and feels the comfort of his embrace.

——

Their day ends for them in a domestic way. They both lie on his bed, reading their perspective books. The silence isn’t filled with dread or awkwardness; instead, comfort haunts the room. She feels his eyes looking at her book over her shoulder and gives him her attention. “Can I help you?” she inquires with raised eyebrows. His head moves from side to side, “Not really, just interested in what you are reading. Maybe, I could read it to you?” She sighs, handing over the book she is reading. He scoots over closer to her and wraps his arm around her. She leans into his touch. Her eyes start to droop as he reads to her; she can’t stop herself from falling asleep. 

——

The sound of the birds chirping wakes one of the sleeping pair up from his slumber. He didn’t realize they had fallen asleep cuddled next to each other. She is still asleep, so he checks his phone to see Austin tried to call him. As quietly as possible, he tries to move out from under her. Y/N is still in deep sleep, so he takes the call out on the balcony. “Yo, what’s up?” he greets into the phone. Austin’s voice fills the air, “How is the planning going?” 

“It’s going pretty well. I feel like she is slowly falling for me.”

“I still can’t believe you haven’t told her that you remember the truth. It’s pretty messed up.” 

“I know, but I couldn’t tell her. She would never give me a chance if she knew the truth.” 

“You’ve been lying to me?” A voice from behind him stops their conversation in its tracks. Drew turns towards a now awake Y/N and hangs up on Austin. He takes a few steps towards her, “Y/N, let me explain. Please.” She doesn’t let him as she runs out of the door. 

——

He finds her sitting on the beach, looking out to the ocean. “Why did you lie to me?” she asks, not looking over her shoulder. He comes to sit beside her. “I mean, technically, you lied to me too,” her glare causes him to change courses. “This might sound a little creepy, but I had a crush on you and I knew you wouldn’t give me a chance at all. I really did think you were my girlfriend after the accident, but after a few days, I started to remember and Austin told me the truth.”

“Okay. Keep going.”

“He told me and I thought that if you didn’t want to break my heart with the truth, then I might as well see if I could make it work in my favour. You got to admit, you were starting to like me.” 

“That is not true at all.” 

He looks her in her eyes and leans forward. Their lips are practically touching; no one moves. “If that’s not true, then why aren’t you moving?” he whispers. She is at a loss for words so he brings his lips to hers and then pulls apart. “Please, just give me a chance.” The hope in his eyes tells her that his feelings are authentic. She also lied to him by not telling him the truth right away, so what does she have to lose? “Okay.” 

#drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey x you #drew starkey x female reader #the other zoey #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey fanfiction #drew starkey fic #drew starkey one shot

[cerastes]

So I'm just wondering, to really fully understand Arturia's kit. She specialises in Necrosis damage, right? Is she DPS or more kind of a support?

Arturia’s hat is indeed Necrosis damage. Valarqvin walked so Arturia, proper codename Virtuosa, could do a quintuple backflip with a split. While her normal attacks don’t build Necrosis, simply being in her range does, slowly adding Necrosis and a miliseconds-brief Slow every second, as well as increasing all Necrosis damage taken.

You can check what skills do on the website of your choice (like the wiki.gg), I’ll talk about application.

The thing about Arturia is that she’s fully functional without Masteries at high level play, and Masteries let her do that even better, so she’s good at all levels of investment from lv7 to M3/6/9.

*Normal and Elite enemies have 1000 Necrosis Health, while Bosses have 2000. Necrosis deals 800 Elemental Damage for 15 seconds for a total of 12000 damage that no enemy in the game resists. It additionally halves their Attack, with this effect decaying throughout the 15 seconds.

S1 makes it so she can only attack when using S1 charges, and she tends to apply Necrosis in two hits with it, three for Bosses. It’s good for single target damage and single target Necrosis. At M3, it makes Arturia a very strong helidrop, as she’ll have 3 charges ready to go immediately. This is theoretically also true for lower levels of Mastery, so M1 is enough to make her a strong helidrop, but you do get more damage and Necro from Masteries for continued use after helidropping.

S2 allows for some funky positioning strats: If you have a Fortress like Firewhistle or Horn in range as your highest Attack unit, S2 allows them to bombard Necrosis on very distant enemies thanks to S2’s property of granting her Necrosis to an ally. It’s an effective multitarget skill with good cycling otherwise.

S3 is the Dead Zone. It allows two applications of Necrosis on the same enemies per use, the range is huge (Suzu S3) and the various buffs just nake you stronger while the Necrosis and expanded range make everything weaker.

In my opinion, Mastery order should be S1 <—> S3 > S2. I think S1 is the most important one to allow powerful helidrop and stronger single target functionality. S3 makes the skill last a comfy 40 seconds (for its 60 SP of charge up). S2 is already pretty much plug and play at Lv7 and the Masteries are extra gravy to make it better but it’s otherwise practically fully functional, with its biggest boon being the 30 -> 24 SP upgrade for better cycling.

Arturia can deal damage and add utility through Necrosis’ 800 essentially True damage per second on top of whatever she does and a potent ATK% debuff (rare debuff!), so she does both damage and support. The way she works, she’s kinda like Saileach and Shamare in that the stronger the enemy is, the stronger and more useful Arturia is. So she does in fact turn into a DPS unit on real hard and stat-heavy maps, like high risk CC.

#arknights #arturia #virtuosa

[thornescratch]

Dylan Strome: (commenting on Alex Ovechkin's 19th season scoring at least twenty goals) Yeah, that's pretty impressive, I think. I saw he's the second all time, second person to do that-- Reporter: Third. Dylan Strome: Third? Yeah, I guess it puts him one behind Shanahan I think I saw, maybe or something-- Reporter: Tied Shanahan. Dylan Strome: Tied Shanahan, so. Tom Wilson: (offscreen) Get your facts straight! Dylan Strome: Sorry, sorry. (laughs) I haven't checked my phone in a while, I haven't checked my phone. Peanut gallery over there, but-- Tom Wilson: There was a WHOLE PACKET today. Dylan Strome: (rolls eyes) …anything else?

Dylan Strome's face when Tom Wilson gleefully jumps on his rare stats stumble.

#You could tell he was dying a little inside from the misstep. That's why he threw in Ovi's age at the end to prove he knew his facts. #NERD (affectionate) #Dylan Strome #Tom Wilson #Alexander Ovechkin #Washington Capitals

[hisui555]

Hazbin Hotel thoughts

"How are they with kids ?"

Hazbin Hotel Bonus 1 (Hell cast + drawings of them) here

Hazbin Hotel Bonus 2 (Heaven cast + babysitting + drawings of them) here

Masterpost here

Something popped into my mind and I thought I'd share. A good while back, there was a stream (Hunicast I think ?) where the question "How good are they with kids ?" was asked, and suddenly that same question entered my mind about the villain characters :

What about the Vees ?

We know how some of the Hazbin crew would interact (if it's still canon) with children : Angel is the "friendly irresponsible" type - would never harm a child but would bring them to inappropriate places. Husk is actually surprisingly good with kids, knows how to distract them, catch their interest (it helps that apparently he knows magic showman tricks) and just plain care for them. Alastor is more distant and a bit behind the times in terms of discipline - he'd slap a kid if they were being a little shit, but won't harm them otherwise, even if scaring them for life isn't off the plate, and be generally decent if maybe annoyed. Vaggie if I remember right isn't comfortable with children, probably because she'd feel in over her head and has a short-ish fuse.

I don't remember what was said about Charlie (if anything was said at all), but my bet would be that she'll infantilize them a great deal - like treating a 10 y-o like a barely-able-to-walk toddler, with huge amounts of coddling and babying (all in all, not that far from how she treats Sinners). For Cherri, I don't think she was brought up (or my memory is failing me), but again, my personal bet would be that she'll be "friendly irresponsible" like Angel, but cranked up : sure you can throw that bomb, it's fun ! Just remember to let it go in ti- aww, c'mon, don't cry, yes your eyebrows will grow back. I know what'll cheer you up : wrecking that building !

But, yeah, what about the Vees ?

Well, here are my thoughts :

Vox would have the personality to deal with a child, but not the skills. He'd keep that CEO everything-is-fine-just-as-planned smile plastered on, and give Polite Interest (TM) to whatever squiggly drawing is pushed under his non-existent nose, listen with only one hearing sensor while 15 other tabs are open in the background of his brain, Wii music playing optional, analyzing graphs and stats while complimenting that pretty dragon pic ("It's a unicorn !" That pretty unicorn pic as he said) or distractingly commenting to the kid rambling ("I almost fell in a well yesterday." "Mh-hm." "I could've died." "That's wonderful, dear.") and spouting facts (unless about sharks. THAT gets his attention - one of the only times it's genuine and 100% and did I show you my pet Vark ?). He'd be generally patient (when your boyfriend is Valentino, kids are nothing next to that) and treat it just like one of his interviews, hypnosis included (Why won't you go for a nap, hm ? For the fifth time today ?) because like I said : skills ? Nuthin'. He'd be unable to wrap his flat-screened head about a kid's needs or why they cry, being unable to differenciate a "I'm hurt" from "I'm hungry" or "I'm scared" from "I'm sad because I'm missing my teddybear", so he'll go trial-and-error.

He'd be the type of babysitter that doesn't really interact much with the kid, letting them be, only keeping an eye on them while multitasking (cameras, right ?) and/or letting them play around him, as long as they don't cause a structural fire, fall in the shark tank, stick weird things in power outlets or bite the cables. Even better, stick them in front of a TV show and leave them there, only checking from time to time, with a pat on the head and a pinch of the cheek for good measure, calling them "dear", "darling", "squirt" or "champ" - but rarely, if ever, by name - as an afterthought, filling that "bare minimum affection" quota on the check list. Won't harm the child, because What Do You Think It'll Do For Our Image first, and not inclined to resort to that second, but if inspired will use the hell outta them (Voxtek ! Presenting new child-approved Vloops cereal ! New Voom flavor for kids ! Trust us with your children's happiness and diabetus !) and get ratings. In general, decent in personality and watching this mancub fumble around with semi-amused interest, like one takes a coffee break from work to check memes. Knows that getting angry won't help squat, so keeping the ankle-biter distracted and out of his hat is his way of dealing with it if he can't make more money out of them.

Velvette on the other hand would be the complete inversion : good child-handling skills, bad personality. She will immediately know what's up and pinpoint the exact issue no problems, but generally doesn't have the patience to deal with a kid. She'll stick the child in a corner with two toys within a chalk outline of three square meters at best and tell them to stay there, I'm busy putting together a show, dammit, I don't have time for you. Might be mildly verbally abusive, at best quite snippy. She has her fare share of frustrations and annoyances with stupid employees and stupider tantrum-throwing pissbabies, no need to add another one. Complains the whole time about the ordeal on her phone and social media between two shoots. Expect Mordecai Heller (Lackadaisy) levels of art critique each time a drawing is shown to her, and will deal with tears or tantrums by throwing the convoited item at the kid - the sooner it goes away, the faster she can go back to her business. Type of babysitter to be in another room and rarely check on the kid, telling them to shut up, stop singing or play less loudly, she's in the fucking middle of something here. Will make it VERY CLEAR to people asking that no, hell's sake, she won't babysit for long, today is just an unavoidable exception. Ignore the brat, folks, it's like a wallflower : decorative and useless.

Might incorporate the kid into her show or photoshoots (especially if Vox slipped her the idea to use the kid) to sell new fashion trends and as a child model, generally for cutie points and the attention it provides, especially if it makes people green with envy. Might still not call the kid anything other than "brat", "midget" and "shrimp", and you better strike that pose right and face the camera the proper way. However, food and naptime is provided right on the dot, and if left to play in a room, the room itself is not bad at all, and Melissa will be asked to keep an eye on them, nope, no raise, just do it or else you're fired. Might dump the child to Vox or Valentino whenever possible, or keep them around as a glorified clothing prop she fusses around, adjusting that bow, straightening those folds. Might also soften a bit if the child is very well-behaved and shows an interest in what she does, calling her designs cool and her style pretty, and not asking lots of questions.

Now, Valentino. And here's the thing : he'd be very good with kids. Which to any outsider makes it "awww", but for anyone who really knows him ? Absolutely TERRIFYING. This sweet voice and cute nicknames ("cariño", "cariña" - hope I got it right - name nicknames, cooing and practically purring it out), propping them on his hip, parading around, and would you look at that, aren't those pretty lights ? That's right, they're from the spotlights ! Wouldn't you like to look ? while pinching cheeks and booping noses and poking at ribs, promising a candy bar or lollipop if they behave nicely for "uncle Val", and everyone else who has been on the receiving end of this in a WILDLY different context just shivers with fear. And that's the worst : he'll be decent to kids, adorable even (nevermind consciously playing up the endearing points), and still be able to sent that cold death glare and smiling rictus over his shoulder to his employees so that they better get in line for work already. Kid will only see the surface, super-nice moth guy with fluffy wings showing them around and everything, others (the ones with morals) see the monster underneath and really do hope children aren't on his pimp radar. And Val will let them keep guessing, because pragmatically, the imaginary-but-still-implied threat works very well, and he has no interest in someone that's no fun to break, unlike adults who are much more satisfying to bring to their knees : the higher they are, the harder they fall, and the resulting control is just gratifying. Even Vox will be queasy about it at times, but hope he knows Val well enough and choose to ignore it (as long as nothing Harms The Image) and go back to business, Velvette is grateful for Valentino's babysitting skills, but if Val is in a bad mood ? Better drop the kid at Vox'. Becoming a casualty to Val's tantrums is a low chance for a child, but let's not damage the PR along with the brat, shall we.

I don't think Valentino would censor himself around the kid, even if he'll be decent while addressing them : one minute going wait here for me, okay [name]-ita/ito ? and the next second screaming at the top of his lungs over his shoulder OKAY BITCHES AND FUCKS WE'RE TAKING IT BACK FROM THE TOP ! and just barely keeping the kid out of sight in a room corner or adjacent room, like having the playpen barely behind the obscuring wall or something (whereas Angel Dust would probably use euphemisms - despite still cursing - around them and, while entering the studio with the kid, keep them in his own break-room (and the lot of questionable items he likes and that could fall in curious grabby hands, because he Didn't Thought This Through) while he works, preventing them from directly seeing anything). On the subject of Angel, he'll probably have a near heart attack seeing Valentino with a kid around him, knowing what he's truly capable of, and hoping it's not what he thinks it is (it's not, but Valentino is well-aware of the effect and if it makes his employees more compliant, might as well, relishing in the fear it causes). His way of dealing with tantrums or coaxing into behaving is either a cold glare and intimidating with silent anger and a very low voice (basically, scare-tactic), or playing keep-away with things, as in once you behave, you can have it. You wouldn't want me to keep it locked somewhere you can't reach, right ? Good. On the other side, expect faux-fussing and cooing for a child that's genuiely hurt, see how good a caretaker he is, right ? what do you mean he likes when someone is dependent on him to be comforted and happy, pffft, that's just your imagination.

Conclusion : hypothetically, none of them are above using a kid for their own goals, with next to no empathy outside a connecting point or two (sharks for Vox, maybe fashion for Velvette, and admiring Valentino - or just, boost their egos by fawning over their work/supposed smarts/prettiness, that works too), and while they'd be mostly decent towards the kid on a basic level (needs are taken care of, no (intentional) physical abuse, no neglect), they will be directly or indirectly manipulative, with calculated affection and praise. Healthy people to be around, I'm telling you.

Bonus :

For Sir Pentious, I think he'd just be plain lost, especially with modern kids and their needs (he's from the 1800's). Or paranoid the child is plotting his double-death when the local 5 y-o he got saddled with is merrily pushing buttons haphazardly on his blimp and no, no, not the death ray ! I, Ssssir Pentious, command you to let go of the Hyperbeam Dessssimator this inssstant ! That, or he'll try to transform them into one of his minions - and keep any stickman drawing offered to him in his secret room, after squishing it to his heart with welling-up, shiny gloopy eyes.

I don't remember if Niffty was brought up too, but she'd be rather... extreme. With a very fifties mentality of what caring for children implies, with leftover gender stereotypes. She'd be puzzled by a girl playing with toy cars and putting them to bed like some flipped-on-the-back beetle (pun intended) in the Barbie sheets, or a boy not being that much of an airplane fan. She would come around, but expect at least one that's not how you do it, and some hyper rants about killing bugs and CLEANING. However, she'll be very careful about dangerous items : no touching the bleach without her supervision ! Even if she'll tell the kid the hundred and a half ways of killing stuff with it.

For the Overlords : I admit I'm just drawing a blank on Zestial, I guess he'd just observe kids from afar but not really interact. Tall, Dark and Spidery would rather not interact, but I guess he'll point a lost kiddo in the right direction once in a while.

Rosie would just be the politest, most accomodating, patient, motherly figure, the talk about your emotions and how does that make you feel kind (I mean, we all watched Episode 7, right ?). Just watch out for the slow but steady conversion into a potential cannibal, because Oh you've never tried these, dearie, it's a delicacy ! Now, you're a forever-not-growing child, you need your calcium. And what's better than taking it from the source ? These bones are good for yours ! If unconvenienced by behavior, she'll show The Disappointmed Frown, and you better go to your room. Might still believe in spanking (by hand, no objects) as punishment. We don't do tantrums here, sweetie, we're classy, helldammit.

Carmilla is just a confirmed mom, maybe strict and an iron lady, but she deeply loves her own children, and it shows. Other kids don't bother her at all. A stern talking is what they need if misbehaving. She's protective, but not overprotective, and kinda the learn-from-your-experiences type (unless said experience would end fatally, because then she'll intervene). She aims to teach independence and self-sufficiency, and while blunt at times in her approach, her praise and affection are completely sincere and given without a second thought.

I don't know the other Overlords enough to tell how they would react to kids.

Okay, well, this blew up to a whole thing. Ah well, I'm known for my skyscrapers anyway. Have a cookie, you've certainly burned a lot of calories just by reading this, you really earned it.

(And seriously, just choose Carmilla as a babysitter.)

Again, Masterpost here.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel the vees #hazbin hotel overlords #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel niffty #hazbin hotel carmilla #hazbin hotel rosie #hazbin hotel sir pentious #hazbin hotel husk #hasbin hotel cherri #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin alastor #hazbin angel dust #hazbin charlie #hazbin vox #hazbin vaggie #hazbin valentino #hazbin velvette #hazbin vees #vox #velvette #valentino #charlie morningstar #vaggie #alastor

[theminecraftbee]

The 100 days challenge has been my introduction to VH, and I’m enjoying the process of learning by osmosis how different endgame builds work! I’m figuring out how to decipher the armory, and I couldn’t help but notice that Etho’s 1400 mana seems to be a bit of an outlier in the hermits’ stats (most have 200-300). I was wondering if you, known VH enjoyer, had any comments/explanation as to what is up with that?

so, etho’s build, unless I’m much mistaken, is a physical damage build using rampage. his build relies on the rampage skill, which is a toggle skill that drains mana over time. you want both a lot of mana regen and a lot of mana to use that skill, because if you have a rampage build, you want that massive rampage damage buff as much as possible!

etho, it appears, has solved this problem by having every single piece of gear he owns that isn’t his helmet or his sword have a mana implicit (so adding max mana) and mana percentile (which adds more mana as a percentage of his mana). so, effectively, his gear adds like 200 more mana (bringing him up to ~350 mana), except then he also adds like double that in mana percentile (bringing him up to ~700 mana), and then he is ALSO running the crystal ball as his relic, which doubles your mana (bringing him up to ~1400 mana).

as you may have seen, he then ALSO runs a bunch of mana percentile, and his lucky hit is mostly specced into mana leach. which means that while this is a HIGH INVESTMENT BUILD—he had to use a trinket!—he also will only very rarely run out of mana with his rampage up, which is the goal. also he’s using mana on mana shield when I went to go check his build I realized I forgot that, that allows hits to drain mana instead of health.

so yeah he’s basically built his entire gear set around the assumption he needs all that mana for rampage and mana shield it’s that. does that make any sense?

#answered #vh talk

[cheetahing]

mlc favorite character/ship poll takeaways

so this poll ended recently, and i thought it would be interesting to do a little number crunching. image of the poll results and also a graphic of some ao3 ship tag stats under the cut.

general disclaimer that this is just for fun and i'm not an academic, etc.

li lianhua and ot3 are king

llh/ot3 won by a handy 24% by itself before we even start adding up the rest of the numbers. ot3 did not surprise me at all since i already knew ot3 was big on tumblr, but somehow llh being the favorite caught me off guard. it's probably just that i'm rarely a protagonist person and mostly hang around with other perennial side/background character likers; it really should have been obvious.

overall favorite stats

llh won handily, with over 40% of the vote. fdb and dfs were much closer, and I was surprised by which came out on top!

li lianhua: 41.2%

di feisheng: 26.6%

fang duobing: 22.8%

overall ship stats

ot3 won by a large margin! dihua was fairly steady, and there's a surprisingly low number of pure fanghuas on tumblr, especially when contrasted with the overall ao3 stats further down.

difanghua: 47.2%

dihua: 30%

fanghua: 13.4%

the "other" option

from tags, the main reasons people used the "other" option in no particular order:

difang, almost exclusively with fdb favorite (one person picked llh, no one picked dfs)

couldn't pick

no preference/like all equally

only one person actually named a different favorite from the three given options iirc

favorite character vs favorite ship

so, this was the original purpose of the poll-- i was curious to see if ship preferences would fall along favorite character lines. granted, including difanghua threw a wrench in that a little bit. i considered running it with difang instead and placing difanghua in the "other" category but ultimately decided against it since i felt it would just heavily skew the poll to "other" winning and lose out on a lot of favorite character information. so what did we end up with?

people are least likely to ship the thing their favorite character is not in (see: fdb/dihua, dfs/fanghua)

dfs lovers are more likely ship dihua than difanghua

fdb fans are more likely to ship fanghua than llh fans

llh and fdb faves are more likely to ship difanghua than solo ships

that's literally it; the breakdown of ship by character is in the poll results

ao3 stat observations

fanghua is the overall most popular ship but is literally cut in half in english fandom; it's smaller than both dihua and ot3

dihua is pretty consistent and actually slightly higher in english fandom than overall at the moment; non-english dihua fic is mainly in chinese and russian

difang has 45 overall fics, 10 of which are in english

the vast majority of ot3 fics are in english

it's interesting that ot3 seems to absorb fanghuas moreso than dihuas, but that vibes with my very unscientific observation that there seem to be a lot of fanghua-leaning ot3ers

keep in mind that the overall numbers INCLUDE the english fic. how did i end up with this count? what does 'multiship' mean? see the methodology section at the end.

tumblr vs ao3

the contrast is interesting! dihua is strangely steady.

dihua: 30% (tumblr) vs 28.4% (eng fic) vs 26.7% (overall fic)

fanghua: 13.4% (tumblr) vs 17.3% (eng fic) vs 34.5% (overall fic)

difanghua: 47.2% (tumblr) vs 19.8% (eng fic) vs 9.2% (overall fic)

conclusions

honestly there are none, lol. i just thought the breakdowns are interesting! also i'm hardly unbiased, so feel free to make your own conclusions with the information presented.

ao3 methodology

i did this really quick and dirty yesterday afternoon and can't guarantee 100% accuracy. i didn't check for the overall tag, but this method left about 5 english language fics unaccounted for. there may also have been slight overlap in some categories.

difang: anything tagged difang EXCLUDING dihua, fanghua, and ot3 tags

dihua: anything tagged dihua EXCLUDING difang, fanghua, and ot3 tags

fanghua: anything tagged fanghua EXCLUDING difang, dihua, and ot3 tags

ot3: anything tagged with the ot3 tag

multiship: anything tagged with dihua AND fanghua but NOT the ot3 tag

gen/other: anything NOT tagged with ANY difang, dihua, fanghua, or ot3 tags

#mysterious lotus casebook #li lianhua #di feisheng #fang duobing #dihua #feihua #difang #fanghua #huafang #difanghua #poll #stats

[retphienix]

Oh my god, I'm missing a weapon!

I didn't know!

I'm so glad I decided to go collecting all the MR fodder because I "finished" that collection and decided to run through all the names on the wiki to double check my work and that's the ONLY reason I noticed I was missing a baro melee lmao

But my collection is nearly complete at least.

I have every single primary and secondary weapon in the game (within reason, I didn't make like 8 versions of every kitgun or anything but 1 of each to top it off counts, and I'm not a founder).

I am missing the 700 day login melee, and I am (apparently) missing the Prisma Ohma, which I didn't know I was missing because it's one of those "hidden stat" weapons on the profile screen!

Other than those 2, I'm done~ Nice :) Five hundred some-odd weapons collected and maxed just in case some random update drops that suddenly makes a random Mr fodder everyone forgot actually good lol

It wasn't "too" bad re-collecting all these mr fodder weapons I've sold over the years, but it was a bit annoying getting invasion mats again for all the dojo stuff. The fact masses are 'rare' to acquire and yet you need just as many of those as fieldron is ridiculous.

All I can say on that front is thank god for Fortuna and simultaneously I hate waiting on world-state rotations lol (Definitely still the best and fastest way to get mutagen masses though).

#warframe #RetPlays

[aloysiavirgata]

Thanks to @numinousmysteries for tagging me! I had never checked these stats before!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

92

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

484,620

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I’ve written for Hannibal, Battlestar Galactica, The Fall, and The X-Files, but only The X-Files at this point.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Parting Glass (smut)

Animus Possidendi (dark smut)

The Common Fate of All Things Rare (casefile, cowritten)

Lacuna (casefile)

This Her Fever (cancer arc)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes and no. Not like I should. I am so deeply, truly grateful for every single one.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, I killed William in Inhaling the Different Dawn, but that wasn’t at the end.

Maybe Where The Vines Cling Crimson? Scully’s cancer comes back and her fate is ambiguous. And I had Scully kill Emily in Alabaster Stones. But I think that was the right ending for both of them.

As a mother? A Basket of Reeds, where Scully gives William away. I can’t even reread it without a lump in my throat, man.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tent of Shelter is fluffy and lovely gets a lot of love, and was inspired by a STUNNING manip by @avocadoave but I personally think In The Gale. It’s the one that, to me, feels the most like a grownup relationship of two people processing some trauma. I think that’s an ending that’s happy and also real - like “I don’t love being broken, but I can survive being broken with you.” Two abeyances that lean…

Foxfire for similar reasons. I real love that little story, which I wrote thanks to @perplexistan

I’m 43. I’ve been married for well over two decades and let me tell you that young love is a gift and mature love is a craft.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Some! And that’s really great too, that people read words I wrote and felt so passionately that they left me words about those feelings. What a strange but profound compliment!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do. PWP isn’t my personal taste so even though I wrote a LOT of smut for the old pornbattles at LJ I wanted the smut to still tell a story.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I can’t say it’s especially crazy, but Fern Hill is a Mulder/Stella Gibson crossover. There are a few little ficlets with XF/Silence of the Lambs crossovers in my Inbox Prompts series.

Oh fuck! Wait! I wrote a Fall/Hannibal/XF crossover called Anthemoessa where Stella, Scully, and Bedelia all meet. Okay that’s it. That wins.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Years ago. God, isn’t that sad? To need positive reinforcement that much?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! It was SUCH a compliment!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have - The Common Fate of All Things Rare

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Mr. Virgata and me. Followed by Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, who literally invented the word. ❤️

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Fisher King

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do pretty good banter and my education makes me pretty good at the sciencey bits.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I get too lost in descriptions and I try too hard to be clever. I do my best to self edit but sometimes I reread things and I’m like oh my GOD SHUT YOUR PRETENTIOUS ASS UP.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve done it for Bedelia and Hannibal in Italian. I’m not sure I understand the question?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

TXF, my one true love.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t know that I have a favorite per se. I am most proud of the ones that challenged me to do something outside my comfort zone. Samson is one of mytop fives even though it’s Mulder/Diana. I think I did a nice job. I also wrote Pair of Aces/Double or Nothing which is Scully/Byers.

But I do really love the world of Petrichor and Singing of Mount Abora, and I like the cases.

#tags #ao3 #writing memes

[tossawary]

I usually grab my AO3 stats for my own personal record-keeping and celebration of achievements on December 31st / January 1st (end of the year) and on August 19th (the day I first started posting), but I was out of town this year on AUG 19 and kept putting it off. (I feel like I've been so, so spacey and busy this year.) So, I'm posting them now! What's a month between me and my blog?

Since my last check-in, I wrote and posted... "Stepping Up" (90,263 words), "First Contact" (7,166 words), and "if words could make wishes" (31,424 words). The "Scum Villain Stories" series is now at 1,216,156 words and 24 fics, which will make "Servant to a Different King" lucky number 25, it seems.

I don't write for the stats and don't track them outside of these little "hey, I should acknowledge the passage of time so it doesn't fall into one big blur" posts, but I think it's neat to take them and hold them up against both specific (SVSSS) and general fandom preferences. (Which fics attract clicks in which fandoms? Why? Why not? It's fun to speculate wildly and possibly wrongly.)

Hm, I really should write more rarepairs so I can broaden and continue my amateur, extremely biased, essentially useless data analysis of these things... (joking) or so I'll say to defend my decision to forcibly drag everyone onto an unusual rarepair ship with me someday (intended humorously, but I am seriously interested in exploring some rare pairings for their own sake). I'll be like a reverse-kraken. Instead of monstrously dragging sailors off the ship and into the depths of the sea, I'll be scooping innocent beach-goers from their swimming and putting them on my boat.

User Subscriptions: 1,924 Kudos: 59,584 Comment Threads: 13,690 Bookmarks: 21,036 Subscriptions: 7,573 Word Count: 1,223,304 Hits: 802,844

pride is not the word I'm looking for (408,395 words) Subscriptions: 1,215 Hits: 230,634 Kudos: 6,410 Comment Threads: 4,439 Bookmarks: 3,165

A Child Once (100,736 words) Subscriptions: 1,214 Hits: 109,140 Kudos: 6,892 Comment Threads: 1,447 Bookmarks: 2,650

Stepping Up (90,263 words) Subscriptions: 1,042 Hits: 61,069 Kudos: 3,987 Comment Threads: 1,516 Bookmarks: 1,704

hey, share the weight a little (70,355 words) Subscriptions: 527 Hits: 46,467 Kudos: 3,616 Comment Threads: 1,537 Bookmarks: 1,689

dreams that had never come true (13,824 words) Subscriptions: 260 Hits: 37,087 Kudos: 4,554 Comment Threads: 314 Bookmarks: 1,498

Babe in the Woods (19,265 words) Subscriptions: 625 Hits: 30,039 Kudos: 4,006 Comment Threads: 328 Bookmarks: 1,423

Catch a Falling Star (121,938 words) Subscriptions: 72 Hits: 29,499 Kudos: 1,876 Comment Threads: 429 Bookmarks: 1,098

Sit With Your Soul (61,447 words) Subscriptions: 836 Hits: 27,528 Kudos: 2,905 Comment Threads: 588 Bookmarks: 1,555

Nothing to Me, Nothing to You (59,893 words) Subscriptions: 267 Hits: 26,823 Kudos: 1,921 Comment Threads: 424 Bookmarks: 779

love to the ones I've never met (82,834 words) Subscriptions: 277 Hits: 25,488 Kudos: 1,768 Comment Threads: 711 Bookmarks: 405

it must follow, as the night the day (26,341 words) Subscriptions: 385 Hits: 25,302 Kudos: 2,375 Comment Threads: 247 Bookmarks: 753

forgiveness for whose sake? (47,712 words) Subscriptions: 164 Hits: 22,299 Kudos: 1,600 Comment Threads: 710 Bookmarks: 274

Horns (11,284 words) Subscriptions: 91 Hits: 19,189 Kudos: 2,814 Comment Threads: 133 Bookmarks: 970

every haircut I've ever had has been a bad haircut (5,689 words) Subscriptions: 33 Hits: 16,013 Kudos: 2,572 Comment Threads: 87 Bookmarks: 540

anxiety and caffeine are having a cockfight in my brain (1,772 words) Subscriptions: 32 Hits: 14,554 Kudos: 2,750 Comment Threads: 71 Bookmarks: 485

if words could make wishes (31,424 words) Subscriptions: 236 Hits: 13,928 Kudos: 1,205 Comment Threads: 275 Bookmarks: 304

ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real (6,842 words) Subscriptions: 49 Hits: 12,559 Kudos: 1,552 Comment Threads: 53 Bookmarks: 166

this point of pale light (18,435 words) Subscriptions: 27 Hits: 9,868 Kudos: 838 Comment Threads: 61 Bookmarks: 333

the ability to remain sober and gracious (4,383 words) Subscriptions: 11 Hits: 7,346 Kudos: 1,055 Comment Threads: 33 Bookmarks: 199

you had me at hello (5,156 words) Subscriptions: 53 Hits: 7,055 Kudos: 985 Comment Threads: 49 Bookmarks: 73

System Icons (2,701 words) Subscriptions: 38 Hits: 6,665 Kudos: 411 Comment Threads: 25 Bookmarks: 253

Absolutely Ineffable (10,058 words) Subscriptions: 31 Hits: 6,633 Kudos: 906 Comment Threads: 48 Bookmarks: 269

The Red Cabinet (7,536 words) Subscriptions: 35 Hits: 5,499 Kudos: 767 Comment Threads: 36 Bookmarks: 165

but that’s fine because I like a hot mess (3,408 words) Subscriptions: 4 Hits: 3,332 Kudos: 521 Comment Threads: 22 Bookmarks: 135

Scum Villain Relationship & AU Request Stickers 2021 (2,345 words) Subscriptions: 8 Hits: 2,427 Kudos: 245 Comment Threads: 14 Bookmarks: 19

Scum Villain Valentine's Day Cards 2021 (578 words) Subscriptions: 4 Hits: 2,388 Kudos: 352 Comment Threads: 26 Bookmarks: 37

First Contact (7,166 words) Subscriptions: 34 Hits: 2,093 Kudos: 446 Comment Threads: 50 Bookmarks: 70

MXTX Pride Flag Character Stickers 2021 (1,524 words) Subscriptions: 3 Hits: 1,920 Kudos: 255 Comment Threads: 17 Bookmarks: 25

#tossawary ao3 #ao3 stats #tossawary svsss #tossawary updates

[existslikepristin]

Little later than expected because I feel like shiiit. And, I know. "What's new?" But at the moment I mean physically. Regardless, here's ya dang story:

Tags: NSFW, S.M.U.T., genie, poor game design

(Story Index)

Figure the app out

“Well,” you say with a sigh, “I can’t read any ancient languages, so can you just help me out here?”

“Oh duh. Sorry about that, master. Old habits die hard, even if said habits are a few millennia old. We’re currently speaking… ah, yes! English! Easy peezy squeezy my buttcheeks. There you go.”

You look at your phone again. The mass of text bubbles all over the screen are now written in English. It’s still… a lot of nonsense.

“Just point me to the important parts?”

“Of course! Let’s just make you a little more comfortable.”

By the time she finishes the sentence, you’re in your room, sitting on the edge of your bed with Joy pressing her chest into your back. She reaches over your shoulders and speaks softly into your ear as she taps your phone.

“So here we have your Harem Hub, which is where you’ll be spending a decent amount of time swapping back and forth between screens. Where you’ll be spending most of your time…”

Joy touches an image of a tower with gold coins spilling out of it.

“… is here, in your Inventory—it’s called that because you own the people in your harem like they’re inanimate possessions—, where you can organize, sort, search, and summon the members of your harem as desired. As you can see, it’s currently empty, so let’s go back to the Harem Hub.”

While Joy pokes around with one hand, the other is softly rubbing your shoulder. It’s quite relaxing. Come to think of it, you are a little tired.

“Right in the center of the Harem Hub is the Summoning Portal, which summons anime girls to your Inventory, not into the real world, which is a different kind of summoning. Let’s give it a try now and see who you get!”

Before you can do anything yourself, Joy taps the portal and the app begins a series of over the top animations of overlapping summoning circles and colorful overlays. About fifteen seconds later, a naked anime girl with a pitch black hime haircut, nearly black eyes, and rather small breasts flashes on screen. She looks like pretty much every other anime character being drawn these days.

Joy gasps very dramatically, “Oh my gosh, master! You got Anecha on your first try! But she… she’s a Super Rare! You only had a zero point three percent chance of that happening! She’s from the mythical land of Sorgania, and she’s a hybrid of all three class archetypes, able to spec into any skill tree you want! She’s one of—if not the—most versatile girls you can get!”

“That’s cool,” you mutter, “Can we summon her and get fucking?”

“Oh master, you’re so funny. You can’t summon a character naked.”

“But, the whole point is to have sex with her…”

“Well yeah, but when you’re not having sex with her, she’s going to be questing! We’ll get to that in a minute. First, check it out. She was just the rarest of your summons for this pull,” Joy wraps her legs around you, fully bear hugging you from behind while she yammers on, “You also got Heyri, Emi, Bonnie, and Magz. That will make for a pretty balanced party, though you can expect Anecha to handle basically everything on her own until you get to World 4, at least. Obviously though, we need to go back to tow—I mean the Harem Hub to purchase some basic equipment. No, not that shop. That’s the cash shop where you can get more summoning shards. Right here, at the Blacksmith. You’ll want to equip Anecha first to make the first few quests as easy as possible, and you’ve got all these coins ready to go, so… Oh, fantastic! Tim has lava katanas in stock, so we absolutely have to take advantage of that in the next two minutes. We better make sure some of your other girls can benefit from those stats though, so if we check the party status screen you can see their preferred stats are highlighted in gold. It looks like Emi prefers Gumption, so a lava katana is—”

Joy’s words fade into the ether and your eyes drift shut. She’s so warm, holding you like this…

“… and that’s why you always save up your electrum ingots. You don’t want to be willy-nilly turning those into…”

“… obviously, but don’t forget that any skill cooldown can be refreshed by…”

“… back from the arena! We should go congratulate her for defeating the sand kraken, because that will bump up the congratulatory meter. Sometimes you want to hold back though, since doing it too often will give diminishing returns…”

You’re woken up by the sound of squawking birds outside and sunlight blasting your eyes through the window. You’re on your back, legs hanging off the bed. Looking to the side, you see Joy, still naked and hunched over, tapping your phone. “I know it’s labeled as a PVP mode, but since the magic is actually built into you and not the app, that’s not actually a thing. The other players’ names and teams are just randomly generated but slightly optimized versions of your own builds so that you get an idea for what’s actually possible when you spend your gems properly.”

With a yawn, you sit up, make note of your own nudity, and flinch back as you nearly headbutt a new stranger standing at the foot of your bed. “What the fu—who are you?!”

It’s a woman, wearing a skimpy purple bikini with silver trim and blue ribbons hanging off of it. Her hair and fairly large eyes are dark, midnight black. Despite the fact that she’s holding what definitely appears to be a katana made out of lava, she looks a little bit nervous. “S-sorry, master. She,” she points at Joy, who is paying you no mind, ”um, she told me to stand here and wait after summoning me…”

You look her up and down. She’s… taller than you thought she’d be, and her face is a little rounder than it had looked in the image. That picture didn’t do her pouty lower lip or her flared out hip any amount of justice. “Anecha?”

“Sorry, master. It’s pronounced ‘AH-neck-ah,’ but… No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t correct you. Sorry.”

Options:

Um, it’s the morning now. You need to go to work already. You’re probably late.

Responsibilities can wait because they’re for losers. Get a blowjob from Anecha.

Take that sword from her and mess around (safely). It’s so awesome!

Joy called Anecha "the most versatile." Fuck her while you jerk off her futa cock all over Joy’s face.

[vladdyissues]

Fair Catch

Sequel to We Have A Problem

A pair of powerful white headlights bored through the November night, illuminating the way for a glossy black Aston Martin to prowl up the mile-long driveway. The house at the end hardly fit the appellation; it was a castle, pennants waving from the towers, the front façade illuminated by a battalion of landscaping spotlights.

The car pulled into a detached garage, and moments later Vlad Masters strolled into his domicile, still decked in Packers green and gold and toting a foam cheesehead under his arm.

“What a game!” he crowed for the hundredth time. He tossed his keys into a bowl on a side table and moved into the kitchen, offloading some of his accoutrements. Merrily humming the Packers fight song, he flounced to the fridge and grabbed a 12-ounce longneck of Wisconsin King. He popped the top with a metallic clink and knocked back a mouthful of premium Grade A milk as if it were beer.

“Thirty-four to thirty one!” He danced a little jig. Mercifully, no one was present to see it. “What a game!”

And it had been. Green Bay facing off against the Vikings at Lambeau Stadium. The teams tied in the fourth quarter, 31 and 31, with just two minutes left, until Ryan Longwell made a 33-yard field goal with just three seconds to spare. Perched in his own private VIP lounge overlooking the field, Vlad Masters erupted like a green and yellow volcano, cheering and howling and throwing popcorn and furniture and any of his staff unfortunate enough to be within arm’s reach. His mania endured on the drive home and would likely keep him wired for the next twelve hours. Now came the almost onanistic ritual of basking in the triumphant postgame afterglow. A fine finish to a fine evening.

Bottle in hand, Vlad sauntered to his foyer and flipped on the lights. There it was, his extensive collection of Packers memorabilia, all neatly organized behind glass in special humidity-controlled display cases. He strode by, gazing upon his possessions with the air of a hedonistic king inspecting his coffers: vintage jerseys, photographs, limited edition cheeseheads and scarves, rare items of sports history that rightly belonged in a museum instead of a selfish billionaire’s private collection. And sitting front and center on a pedestal, the most treasured item in his hoard, his beloved, irreplaceable—

Vlad abruptly choked. Milk sprayed from his mouth and nose.

The football autographed by the legendary Ray Nitschke, his most prized possession, was nowhere to be seen.

The bottle slipped from Vlad’s limp fingers and shattered on the stone floor. Hysteria clutched his heart. His stomach dropped to the bottoms of his ugly green oxfords, now spattered with milk. His mind raced through possibilities with the frantic fervor of a mother discovering one of her children missing.

“Did the maids—? No. No, and I didn’t…” The color drained from his face. “I can’t have been robbed. It’s impossible.”

And it was; no one could get through his security system. He’d built it himself using the most advanced tomographic and photoelectric beam technology, and tested it extensively before deploying it over every inch of his property. He checked it regularly and performed scheduled diagnostics and upgrades to keep it cutting-edge. Even if the power were to go out, a generator array would keep the system running independently for months.

At that moment he finally noticed the canary-yellow sticky note planted in the middle of the display stand’s empty prongs. He darted close and leaned over it with wide eyes.

Dear Fruit Loop,

Don’t worry, your ball is safe. FOR NOW. I’m going to hang onto it until you get someone else to narate Knowing Universe. All of it. I don’t care how you do it, but I don’t want to hear your dumb stupid ugly snotty voice on ANY of my shows ever again, got it? If you ever want to see your prescious ball again, you’ll get on this STAT.

Sincerely,

You know who

Vlad clenched his fists—and his jaw, his toes, every muscle in his quivering body. His eyes flared red, the left one twitching spastically. When he exhaled, twin jets of smoke whooshed from his nostrils.

“Daniellllllll!”

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#danny phantom #vlad masters #green bay packers #packers fanatic vlad #dp fanfiction #hjbwrites #ficlet #humor