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halfmoth-halfman · 1 year

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may i interest you in some more fic recs????😉

the second half of my may fic rec list!! if you wanna see more more of my fic recs and favs, i have em all on my recs blog, here!! please note the navi page is still under construction!!

and of course, if you have any fic recs of your own, feel free to send em my way here or on my sideblog - i love finding new fics and writers!! 💜

may fic recs pt. 1

John Price

missed you - @thanksbutno98

✧ everything i wanted and more omg this is the treatment price deserves tbh. man deserves to relax and be pampered like a princess. such a cute fic that filled my need for fluff perfectly!!

bloodstained honesty || part two - @a-world-with0ut-dr34ms

✧ had me on the edge of my damn seat good lord. saw this line “Price?” and had to stop reading to do a lap around my living room, this fic had me stressing tf out but in the best way possible.

puppy love || five | six | seven | eight - @writeforfandoms

✧ price. puppies. perfection. am i sad to see this series come to an end? yes. but it was fantastic from start to finish and i know i will absolutely being coming back to read this again and again.

languish - @moriflos

✧ you ever read something once and then decide that once isn't enough and just spend an hour reading it over and over and over? that was me with this fic. idk how to describe the way you write, i was so drawn in, craving more. "But for now, he can only watch as his heart returns to him in ashes-" just uuuggghhh i love it.

rise and fall of tides - @queenquazar

✧ moon/moonlight is such a cute callsign, i was already hooked before i started reading. and when i got to the actual fic?? stunned. the entire dancing scene had me smiling and blushing, i love the way you write price and moon and their relationship

ode to a conversation stuck in your throat - @yeyinde

✧ i don't think there will ever come a day where i'm not left in absolute awe by one of lev's fics. everything is literal poetry and this is fic is no exception. i can't describe the way it makes me feel, like i've been given the christmas present i've been waiting all year for

sad girl - @guyfieriii

✧ new price fic from the writer who inspired me to start my mob!au???? say less. the way you write price is so just aslkdakljs the way you write in general is just alsdkjal. i literally do not have words for how much i love this

karma - @stormiwaves

✧ honeypot mission!!! we love to see it!!!! "The dress was karma, filthy karma that Price deserved." yes girl, get it!! jealous!price isn't something i see often, but i loved the way your wrote it here and that ending?? 👀🔥

untitled - @ghostaholics

✧ i👏🏼love👏🏼soulmate👏🏼au's👏🏼 and this has me going absolutely feral. the phantom pain for his injuries, the journal, the angst, the panic, that ending??? if there is ever a full version, please know that i will lose my mind, it will be an immediate fave just like this is.

choices and consequences - @ghostandsoap

✧ this one hurt real good. the talks about guilt, the choices you have to make, the job, all of it was done so well. this was so wonderful and heart-clenching, i loved every bit of it.

our remains - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i just- i mean- what else is there to say but

handsome stranger || part 8 - @alittleposhtoad

✧ not only did this fic make me hungry for soup, it made me kick my feet and twirl my hair. so much fluff and right up my ally, i binged this series and loved every single bit of it.

fair game - @guyfieriii

✧ got me blushing and sweating like a sinner in church and staring at my phone like

turn me to ashes - @guyfieriii

✧ when you said angsty little piece, i was not expecting to have my heart ripped out be left with a gaping void in my chest. i know i love a good angst fic but god damn if that didn't reach into the pits of my soul and destroy any feeling of happiness i had when i started reading. 10/10

price headcanons - @soapskneebrace

✧ the perfect piece of softness to make me feel better after the absolute heartbreak of the previous fic. the characterization is 100% on point here, one of the best i've read and so so so sweet.

price holding his first-born child - @daisies-daydreams

✧ big tough military men holding and being weak over little babies is my jam. it's the fluff, the sweetness, the soft domesticity of it all. the way he reads the book to her, i'm so weak for this fic.

a drink from her cup - @lunarvicar

✧ that post that inspired this has lived rent free in my mind for so long, and i was ecstatic to see you write something for it. i'm so down bad for this man and for your writing and the way you write him.

gem amra kheli - @guyfieriii

✧ i don't think i've ever talked about how much i adore the way you write banter, the little back and forths and comments between price and reader. everything just feels so real, so grounded and i'm completely obsessed

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

cult of vagabonds || ch. 3 - banshee bluethroat | ch. 4 - finch's frenzy - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i'm screaming. vomiting. scromiting profusely.

"I hate you."

"I know."

how dare you do this to me.

reveries of a lost lamb - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ what's it like to be able to be one of the best writers on earth? i seriously cannot comprehend the sheer amount of talent and ability you have at writing the most captivating and emotion evoking fics i've ever read.

A golden sunrise, tangled fingers; gentle lips.

“I think I love you.”

i'm deceased.

aiaigasa (相合傘) - @captainpriceslover

✧ i read "Your part of London smelled like wet pennies that evening." and was instantly sold. the rest of the fic was so fantastic, the perfect dose of sweetness i needed, i love gaz and the way you write him so much!!

white flag - @writeforfandoms

✧ you cannot stress me out like this!! but also please continue to stress me out like this!! also the little nicknames for price and gaz had me laughing so hard, esp price.

it's over - @itsohh

✧ i really loved this, i don't think i've seen a lot of fics with gaz that really talk about what he's gone through and how missions affect him and this one does it incredibly well. serious, yet heartwarming, i adore it.

Multiple

dead disco || chapter 4 | chapter 5 | combat baby - @peachesofteal

✧ never before have a i read a series that has captured my attention so much that willingly skipped out on lunch to read it. i couldn't stop, i am in love with this fic, the writing, the characterization, everything about it. there isn't a single flaw to be found here.

how they wake you up in the mornings - @nia-writes

✧ this was so cute, and the addition of the different scenarios for how the characters would wake you made it all the more better. i was blushing, laughing, anxious, constantly giggling about FOAP. such a fun read!!

soulmate au - @itsohh

✧ i've said it once and i will say it again, i love soulmate!aus!! and god the angst in these just raked me over the coals. angst is something i love seeing in soulmate fics and this was so expertly done, my heart still hurts when i think about it

touching their cheek for the first time - @runicarbiter02

✧ absolute cuteness all around, like a cuteness overload. each one fit so well, but i'm gonna take a second to really talk about the love of my life, Roach, being included in this and how this has become an automatic fav just for that.

physical touch - @siilvan

✧ tbh i came to this for the gaz hcs but it was so good that i immediately read the rest and damn near screamed when i saw roach on there. so cute, and adorable, and absolutely perfect i loved every bit of this!!

kiss headcanons - @mangowafflesss

✧ such a cute idea that you did amazing on!! i love kisses and kiss fics and i think you absolutely nailed it here. honestly me and reader are the same because i too would just like to smooch the 141 boys all over.

getting into an accident and being hospitalised while the team is deployed - @daisies-daydreams

✧ slipping while getting out of the shower and needing to have your jaw hinged shut?? reader's just like me fr. this was very sweet, a lovely little dose of fluff with a sprinkle of angst

Simon "Ghost" Riley

silk series || silk ties - @uselsshuman

✧ i screamed. shrieked. went through a rollercoaster of emotions when this series updated. it was everything i wanted, more than everything i wanted, just so unbelievably beyond expectations!! and this:

“Stay with me for now then.”

stay with me forever wtf

no more || chapter 6 - hypnosis - @lethalchiralium

✧ we love a man who wants to apologize but man we gotta get ghost into therapy or st 😂seriously though, this was fun and the little back and forth about having a dad had me giggling

a bath - @blackssuunn

✧ i can't- i literally can't- this is too fluffy, too sweet, too perfect. i'm in awe of your writing "His eyes burn a little. Not a single drop of soap entered them." i'm speechless.

pomp - @bits-and-babs

✧ we stan anti-monarchy simon LOL so great and thos poor guards stuck at the doors. i went from blushing to cackling in like two seconds

tones - @blackssuunn

✧ soft lovely dovey simon is my favorite and you write him so incredibly well. the way this man is absolutely whipped for his partner, i adore it and i adore you for writing this

between dreams and sugar - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i think i'm addicted to your angst, i keep happily going into these angst fics like i don't know i'm about to have my heart shredded into a million pieces. was there a happy ending here? yes. but it still hurt and i still loved it!!

feverish simon confesses to you - @angelltheninth

✧ this is such a cute trope that i don't read that much of, but i loved every bit of this! so much cuteness and let's be real, ghost is def the type of guy who would try and wait out an illness even if it was life-threatening 😂

footprints in the snow - @bittersw33t-lotus

✧ hello??? this was one of the sweetest things i've ever read??? i'm such a sucker for soft!simon esp when he's still a little shit and you've written that so perfectly

happiness series || you belong with me - @lethalchiralium

✧ i swear i'm totally normal about this series i'm not i totally don't immediately go feral every time it updates i do and i totally and definitely don't drop and ignore everything to reread the entire series with every new chapter i won't apologize

untitled - @lunarvicar

✧ the way you write simon and the way he shows love and how he cares has me so weak and how he teases is so aldkasjdkljk he's an asshole and i love him and i can never get enough of the way you write him

simon & rain little headcanons - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ aaaahhhh simon and rain!!! i've missed these two and when i tell you i sprinted to read this!! i love the way your write their dynamic/relationship and just how real and fun it feels!! you're literally so good at writing ghost, i can't even deal with

sassy series || ch. 3 excerpt - @peachesofteal

✧ i have never wanted to read a full chapter so bad in my entire life. this excerpt is like a the most delicious little appetizers and i'm vibrating with excitement for the full meal!!

Valeria Garza

oh to be consumed by you - @sleepiexx

✧ i want to be consumed by valeria omg. i didn't even know vampire!val was something that i wanted-no, something that i needed-and this fic just came out of nowhere and hit me over the head in the best way possible.

#moth fic recs #fave fics #monthly fic recs

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 3 years

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White Lies (Pt. 19 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 1.8 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

<- Previous part (18)

Next part (20)->

{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

Keep You Warm

Smiling at Liam's little giggles, you keep hiding your face behind a pillow before pulling it away. The silly play has Liam laughing for minutes now, lying on his belly, holding his head up. You and Keanu are on your bed, with the baby in between the two of you.

“Where's the baby?” You ask, pillow covering your face. “There he is!” Pushing it away, you let him see your face again, and another giggle warms your heart. Liam is always happier when you and Keanu are together.

He turns his head away, to Keanu, before laying his head down. “He's tired.”

“God, I am tired.” Whining a little, you turn to lay on your back, looking at the ceiling. “I didn't get any sleep tonight.”

“Why?”

“Thinking a lot.” You decide to tell him, and you're sure it's quite obvious what you've been thinking about.

“You need to rest, beautiful.” Reaching out his hand, Keanu touches your cheek, and you don't push him away anymore. Or flinch. Or feel uncomfortable. You're slowly growing closer again, and it's happening through the last few weeks.

“I know but now...” Pushing yourself up, you sigh. “Laura wants to go shopping so I must accompany her.” Despite having no trouble looking after Liam 24/7, Keanu is still working less than usual, always from home, making sure you have time for yourself. “Will you be alright with Liam?”

“Sure. Go and buy something nice for you.”

“I don't need anything, Ke.” Getting off the bed, you blow Liam a kiss when he turns to look at you. “I'm still using your credit card so I'll only buy stuff I need.” Your job is still secure, thanks to your very awkward relationship with Keanu Reeves, but your doctors still haven't allowed you to go back. The headaches still happen, and some migraines have you basically knocked down in bed all day, in the dark, hoping it'll pass soon. So for now, Keanu is paying for everything you need.

“I'm telling you to buy something. See it as a gift.”

You can't help but smile as you make your way to the bathroom. “I won't spend your money for no reason.”

“And that's why I enjoy going to the mall with you.” He complains, and you can feel the eye roll. You know what he means. Keanu always manages to convince you to buy anything he sees you admiring for too long.

“I'll buy ice cream, maybe. Or a burger. God, it's been so long since I ate fast food.” The diet is still being followed, but today you'll drop it for a few hours.

“Don't go too crazy.” He warns as you peek your head into the bedroom, toothbrush in hand. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Shrugging your shoulders, you giggle. Keanu won't let you do anything the doctors say would be bad. He's still quite overprotective, and you find it very cute... But there's no way you'll let him know that.

Half an hour later you're off, kissing Liam's cheek and waving at Keanu as you get inside the cab. Hanging out with Laura, when she's shopping specifically, takes hours. So you not only get the ice cream and the burger, but you also have dinner at a restaurant at the mall.

You get back home too late, after ten, so you shower and feed Liam before rocking him to sleep. He's already sleeping in his bedroom and the only bad part is that you have to walk all the way there when he wakes up during the night. But other than that, he's adapting pretty well. After making sure he's on deep sleep, you leave him, carrying the baby monitor with you downstairs where you watch some TV. Laura said something that had you thinking.

She and Keanu have developed a friendship thanks to you, and whenever he doesn't know what to do when you're involved, he calls Laura. And she said he called her someday last week, asking if he was moving too slow or too fast with you. You don't think it's fast at all, he pretty much fell into the same thing he did when you first got here. Allowing you to set the pace, never pushing it, always putting you first.

You find it sweet that he calls her for help, since Laura knows you very well, from before and after the accident. She always tells you though, when he calls and tries her best to put you both on the right path. The one that leads to what you had before. Being together, only this time it would be real.

Taking a deep breath, you can't take the cold anymore, so you turn the TV off and head upstairs, tiptoeing. Rubbing both your arms, you shiver as you walk through the hell. A sudden clicking noise startles you, and your eyes immediately move to Keanu's bedroom, finding him by the door. “Hey.”

“Is everything alright?” Always worried.

“Yes. I was watching TV.” Shyly, you make your way over him, standing before the man. You'll never get used to how tall he is, and you can never ignore how much you like being so smaller compared to him. “But it's really cold.” You manage to say, nervously giggling because you shouldn't think these things. Not anymore. And not until whatever this is, gets a name. “Look.” In a quick motion, meaning to annoy him a little, you sneak both your hands under his shirt, touching his abdomen. Keanu flinches a little, a low chuckle leaving his lips.

But then you realize what you just did, how you have your hands against his body. Blushing and looking down, you clear your throat. “Sorry.” You whisper, starting to take your hands off Keanu when he grabs both your wrists, forcing you to stop.

“Wait until your hands are warm.” His voice is so low you have to pay attention to bring sense to his words.

You really shouldn't... But you can feel the heat irradiating from his skin, and you're so damn close it feels like you're a magnet, being pulled towards him.

And so you move, stepping forward, hands sliding from his abdomen all the way to his back, your fingertips taking in the sensation of touching his skin again. Then you're hugging him, head on his chest as his strong arms hold you close, tightly against his body as if he's scared you could run away at any moment.

You should, but you won't. Being this close to Keanu is inebriating, like an addiction, and you've been self-restraining for far too long. You need his touch, his body. Him.

Eyes closed, you stand on your toes, moving so your face is close to his. When his lips brush on yours, it feels like fireworks start exploding on your stomach, and you know you won't be able to step back now. And when he softly starts pulling you inside, you have no choice but to follow him.

But when he moves away a little, to close the door, you snap, falling back to reality. “I can't, Ke... I can't.” You mutter, holding his arm as he comes to stand before you again. “I thought we were married back then, and we're not so... I just can't until...” Until what? Would Keanu make it real? A real marriage, give you his surname. So you'd be truly his, and he'd be yours?

“We don't have to.” He caresses your cheek with the back of his hand. “Just stay here. Let me keep you warm.”

His voice has power over you, so you nod, letting him guide you to the bed, where you climb on after putting the baby monitor on the nightstand. But your eyes are searching for his lips in the dark, longing to at least look at them, as the memories of the many kisses come back, from the first, next to his new bike, to the very last, in Liam's birth.

“Ke...” You whisper, pleading.

“What?” He remains seated, as you sit on your legs, the darkness hiding your heated cheeks.

“Kiss me.” You beg, feeling some tears filling your eyes. You love Keanu, and it hurts to keep this distance. “Like before. Just... Just kiss me as if none of this mess ever happened. As if we belong to each other.”

Keanu doesn't wait for you to say anything else, he just moves, big hands delicately pulling your legs until they're laying over his. Then, his lips come crashing down on yours, and by the fast pace, the need and heat, you can tell he was suffering too, longing for this moment.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you part your lips a little more, allowing him to deepen the kiss. You forgot how amazing he tastes, and you know now that you won't be able to go through long periods without kissing him. It's like a matter of life and death. Like a bare necessity.

When you pull away to breathe, Keanu lies down and you do the same, facing each other. His arms don't let you go, keeping you as close as possible. “We do belong to each other.” He says, softly rubbing the small of your back. “At least I do, (Y/N), you have my whole heart, it's yours.”

“I love you, Ke. You know I do and everything I want is to leave the past behind. I forgive you.” Grabbing a fist full of the soft fabric of his shirt, you feel some tears rolling down. “I forgive you.”

“Be my wife, (Y/N).” He bursts out, and it makes you look into his eyes. “I love you, (Y/N). I want what we had to be real.”

“Yes.” You mutter, more tears rolling down. “I want to be your wife, Ke.” Kissing him again, you only stop when Liam's soft cries reach your ears.

“Someone's hungry,” Keanu says, already getting off the bed. “I'll bring him here.”

“Alright.” Moving into a seated position, you smile to yourself.

This isn't how you thought the night would end, but it's far better than anything you could've imagined.

It doesn't take long until Keanu is back, giving you Liam as you pull down your shirt and bra. You can't help but smile at how respectfully Keanu averts his eyes. Liam quickly starts sucking, eyes shutting close. “Ke, I... I will tell Liam about Daniel, but... You know you're his father, right?” You decide to say it because it's true. Daniel couldn't be here, and Keanu has been taking care of both you and Liam since the beginning. And you know he'll keep doing so. “I want you to be his father. I know he's not yours, but–”

“I love him as if he's my own.” He cuts you off, moving closer and caressing Liam's cheek. “And I'll take care of both of you, for the rest of my life.”

Smiling, you pull him close, kissing him once again.

For the first time since this mess began, you feel at ease. Truly happy. And Laura was right. It's far better to let things go and chose what makes your heart happy. And you're glad you had it in you to finally step and make this decision.

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303 @june-harris

#keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves #john wick fanfic #john wick imagine #john wick fanfiction #john wick x reader

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inlovewithhisblueeyes · 3 years

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Stuck in Your Head

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader

Word Count: ~2.7K

Warnings: Descriptive Depressive Episode and Discussions about Prescription Medications (specifically missing doses and having side effects)

A/N: This is my first time writing RPF so I decided to stick with something I know well. I substituted my own best friend’s name in so I didn’t have to deal with the pesky acronyms cluttering the story.

Buried underneath the covers, you were safe even though sleep continued to elude you. The chill of the morning was unable to pierce the walls of your blanket fortress. While the soft pitter-pattering of rain on your window would normally be able to lull you to dreamland, you were left to watch the rise and fall of the fabric.

Early daylight had danced its way across the room a millennia ago. No matter how deep you burrowed into your little nest, the light would seep through. So you tucked your head underneath your pillow and fought the urge to continuously check your phone. Watching time tick past would only make these growing frustrations and anxieties worse.

You remained curled up with your knees close to your chest, willing your hands to stop their shaking. All those exercises you had been taught in therapy seemed fruitless. Nothing could alleviate this numbness that had settled in your bones. Time continued to pass as you laid there, only daring to leave your bed’s warm embrace when your bladder was screaming in agony.

The spot where you laid never had to the time to cool. You were always sucked right back to it in record time like every episode before. Brain fog would cause the same thing every time. The days would seem to just blend into one another, a cycle of light and shadows that would chase each other around the ceiling. You would have no idea if you took your meds, what day it was, or even the last time you ate. Time would be nonexistent in your little blanketed world.

A soft vzzzzt came from outside your safe zone. Moving your hand slightly, you could just barely feel the vibrations of your phone. You paused as you tried to decide if you had enough energy to answer. It was most likely unimportant, another robocall about some silly matter. Sighing heavily, you drew your hand back to its previous position.

Silence fell over the room once more and you breathed a sigh of relief. You forced your eyes shut in hopes that you could finally sleep. Not more than a few moments passed before the quiet was broken yet again. The soft vzzzzt returned, requiring you to begrudgingly open your eyes. You hissed as you slowly rolled over, just enough to reach over and drag your phone under the covers with you.

You flipped your phone over as your best friend’s face filled up the screen. You know you should answer it, but you didn’t want to worry her. Ariel has enough going on without you dragging her into your shit. You quickly shot off one of those automated responses saying you’re busy and you’ll call back later before declining the call.

Carefully shoving your phone back out from under your blanket pile, you tried once more to adjust and get comfy. Finally, it seemed that the sleep you craved is upon you. You yawned before nestling your head deeper into your pillow and letting your eyes fall shut.

You woke up sometime later and noticed that the bedroom is almost completely dark. You dare to glance at your phone and it’s only 6 pm. Stiff limbs quickly made themselves known as you tried to stretch. They crack and pop as you finally moved them, each crying out desperately for motion.

Slowly you sit up and allow yourself to slip out from your burrito. Every movement feels as if you’re wading through an endless pool of molasses. You rise to feet carefully and your knees buckle as they wake up to support you. Ambling towards the kitchen, you tried to scrounge up the desire for anything other than a few mints.

Your pickings are rather slim. Even then everything would take longer than you know you have the energy to stand for. Huffing as you grabbed handful of mints before you make your back to bed. You crawled back into bed, grabbing your laptop in hopes you can find someway to pass the next round of sleepless.

Popping a mint in your mouth and scrolling through the various entertainment options, you happened across a show you know very well. Another time you might have smiled at your luck. Of course it recommends something that he was in. Rolling over to grab your phone, you unlock it to check what time it is over there.

2 am the clock answered. You swallowed the lump in your throat, remembering what he said last time.

“I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, call. I’d do anything for you. “

You glance at the clock once more and you lose your nerve.

“He’s halfway across the world right now and under enough stress. You’ll talk to him again when Friday comes around” you rationalize internally, “That’s more than 3 days away. You’ll be back to your usual by then. You always are.”

You shake your head and push the phone off the bed. Tucking an arm under your head and curling your knees to your chest, placing your laptop on top of them. You settle in with Forensic Files, hoping that Peter Thomas’s voice will eventually get you more sleep.

Sleep doesn’t come. You’ve lost count of how many episodes of Forensic Files that you’ve watched. All of them have blurred together. Once again the sun’s rays slowly painted your room in an array of reds, oranges, and finally yellows. Two more rounds of soft vzzzzt that go unanswered cause you to retreat back under the blankets once more.

For how long you remain there is unknown. All you known is that you’re forced to get up by your throbbing bladder. Then you’re back in your bed, curled up around a pillow and begging for sleep to come. Your body is sore, your mind is all fogged up, and by the time you do feel sleepy, the sun must be high in the sky.

Here's to another day of waking up after the sun has set. Daylight Savings Time is a bitch. There’s no use in checking your phone. You stretched and tried to sum up the strength to move your feet, knowing you need to at least try to make your way to the kitchen. Each step causes a shooting pain in your underused appendages.

Leaning against the counter, you grabbed a package of Cup Ramen from the cabinet. Not the healthiest choice, but the one that will take the shortest amount of time to cook. Adding the water and setting it in the microwave is the easiest part; having the strength to wait the 3 minutes to cook is the hardest.

Anxiety seeps in as you watched the timer go down. Tapping your fingers against your thigh, you tried to pass the time without throwing yourself into an anxiety attack. Finally, the microwave beeps and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. You opened the microwave and quickly stirred the contents of the cup together.

You make the trip back to the bed that’s been calling your name since you left. Although you’re not hungry, you have to try to eat. You ate earlier right?....Your stomach hadn’t give any indication of hunger. You ate as much as you could stomach before leaving the unfinished meal beside your bed.

Grabbing your laptop, you scrolled through for something, anything to distract you. In a moment of clarity, you remembered that last time he mentioned a nature documentary which he said you should watch. You found it easily and turned it on, curling your body around your laptop. In your bones, the numbness reared it’s ugly head once more.

The animals in documentary didn’t cause you to laugh at their antics like they usually would. You had to pause it. You felt like you were drowning in this void. What once might have been enough to drag you out of the darkness, no longer could do so. You had been doing so well; going to your appointments and working on coping with your trauma only for the empty pit to gobble you up once more.

Screwing your eyes shut as you take in one shaky breath after the other. Whatever strength that was left in your tired limbs, you willed to help get you through. You needed to be fine, he needed you to be fine. Every inch of you shook with hurt and sorrow as sleep waded in and out of your mind. It took forever to succumb.

A gentle chime woke you from your fitful sleep. You laid underneath your mountain of blankets and watched the gentle rise and fall that came with every breath you took. You blinked a few times as you attempted to stretch out your body. The chime had stopped by the time you were finally able to peak your head from where it was tangled in your cocoon.

The noise had emanated from your laptop. You inwardly curses yourself because you only know what that means. You left yourself logged into Skype and you reached a hand over to check who called. However, as soon as you did, the chime started up again, his name flashed on your screen.

A sob threatened to break loose from your lips. It couldn’t have been Friday already. Skype dates only happened on Friday and Saturdays, that was your routine. You glanced around your room and contemplated slamming your laptop closed. Based on the colors of the sun that painted your bedroom’s walls, it was early, much too early for his call.

Deep down you knew he would keep calling until you responded and as much as it pained you to do so, you had to give into him. You moved the cursor to hover over the accept button. With a deep breath, you clicked accept. You waited for the swoosh that always came before his face filled the screen.

You couldn’t face him like this. He didn’t deserve this. Your stomach was already upset, it didn’t need your anxiety making it worse. Burying your face in your hands, you heard the tell-tale noise that the call connected.

“Darling, there you are,” he exclaimed.

You had no choice but to peek between your fingers to see his smiling face. He looked so happy and full of light. You couldn’t dare to bring him down from his high. He was worthy of so much more, someone who wasn’t empty. Surely he could see that.

“As much as I’d love to talk your lovely hands, I’d rather talk to that face of yours.”

“Hen-“ Your voice cracked from not being used in so long.

“Please,” He begged.

Every inch of your body quaked, the inevitable was here. He would see you, see how broken and lost you were, and wouldn’t be able to take it. The expiration date for your time together was today.

“Please, sweetheart.” He tried again, his voice no louder than a whisper.

You shook your head in silent agreement to his plea. Trembling, your hands pealed away from your face and finally you saw your boyfriend’s face fully. Messy curls were strewn across his forehead and there was an inkling of stubble making an appearance on his face. His eyes were bright and warm as always. You could just barely make out the brown amongst the blue at the top of his left eye.

“There you are,” Henry murmured, his voice dropping an octave.

“Hen-“

“Shhhh... I know it’s not Friday but I wanted to see you. Ariel was worried. I was worried.”

“I’m so sorry-” You started as you felt tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, love. I’m happy to see your face. I would ask how you are, but I think I know. Have you been taking your meds?”

“I don’t remember. All I know my stomach is a bit upset,” you whispered as the first hot tears rolled down your cheeks.

“I’d reckon it’s been a few days then,” Henry sighed, ”Do you think could get up and make some green tea? That’s always helped in the past.”

You groaned, flopping backwards onto your bed. A few moments pass by in silence as you weighed your options.

“I can try.”

“That’s all I’m asking for, sweetheart,” admitted the blue eyed man,” How about you bring me with you?”

You nodded slowly. Henry was always good at reading you. It seemed that regardless of the distance between the two of you and the blurriness of the camera, his skill hadn’t waned. He knew you so well and right now you were thankful for that. There was so much you couldn’t say right now, you didn’t have the energy nor the clarity to do so.

Stretching your arms above your head, you winced at the stiffness in them. You had to do this, you had to fight that little voice in your head. You carefully moved yourself to the edge the bed. Taking a much needed deep breath, you forced your aching body to sit up. Gently, after a few moments, you maneuvered yourself to stand on your feet.

You glanced over at your computer screen and saw nothing but pride and encouragement in his blue eyes. It gave you the required push to grab your laptop and make your way towards the kitchen, tired body be damned. Normally, you feel safe and content in the silence with him. The freezing emptiness that had made it’s home amongst your bones and mortal flesh flourished in it.

“How’s filming going?” You croaked.

Henry was quick to fill the crushing silence “Remember that scene I mentioned to you last time…” His hearty timbre warming the outermost parts of your mind. Puttering around the kitchen, you put the kettle on and grabbed your favorite mug while listening. He could be speaking about blue-footed boobies and you would still be rapt.

Sooner than you would of liked, the kettle sung it’s annoying little tune. Carefully, you snatched it off the stove and poured into the waiting mug. You dropped the teabag in and leaned up against the counter. Glancing over at the computer, you saw Henry watching you with a smile on his face.

“Good job, sweetheart,” Henry beamed.

You tried to blink away the tears that remained in your eyes. “I boiled water. Nothing too special about that.”

“You know what I mean.”

Shakily setting the down the mug, you forced yourself to take some deep breaths, but it does nothing to stop the onslaught of tears. They blazed in hot trails down your cheeks.

“My brain doesn’t work, Hen. The fog sets in and it’s like I can’t do the simplest tasks. I can’t even just go through the motions,” You sobbed

“Oh, darling,” his voice barely a whisper and your gaze remained on the floor, arms wrapped around your quaking form.

“Nothing’s working…. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I don’t even feel alive anymore. Just empty and cold all the time.”

Silence fell over the two of you once again; only being pierced by your shuddering breaths as you tried regain control. It took a few moments to calm yourself. You brushed away the remaining tears and finally glance up at him.

“I’m sorry,” You murmured.

“Sweetheart, you don’t need to apologize. I know you’re struggling. I’m worried about you being all alone right now with everything that’s going on,” Henry admitted,” How about you ask Ariel to come stay with you? Just until I finish filming.”

“I…I can do that.”

“I want you to know you don’t have to stick to our schedule. I know you like the consistency it brings, but I don’t mind if you call other times, love. I’d be happy to hear your voice more often.”

Nodding your head, you grabbed your abandoned tea and took a sip. “I love you, Henry.”

“I love you too. We’re in this together, us against the problem.”

Somehow his words seemed to pierce at the remaining chill in your body. He was exactly what you needed, your lighthouse in the storm. No matter how far apart you may be, you’ll always find your way back to his loving embrace.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #real person fiction #celebrity fanfiction #henry cavill x you #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fanfic #rpf

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phanfictioncatalogue · 3 years

Text

Happy Ending (5) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four

Call Your Wife (Tell Her It's Over Please) (ao3) - auroraphilealis

Summary: Phil doesn’t know how he ended up in a relationship with a married man, but he did, and the day Dan leaves his wife… well, Phil doesn’t know if it’ll ever come.

closer to where I started (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: An onstage accident at a convention leads to a week of stress, nightmares, and evaluating life choices for Dan and Phil.

Dan And Phil- A History Of Two Spoons (ao3) - TheAlphaFox

Summary: It's usually Phil that takes the blame when accidents happen around the Howlter flat. He's clumsy and he'll take responsibility for it. But SERIOUSLY- is there any need for Dan to get so angry about it when Phil only wanted to help?

Filling The Void (ao3) - Merrydith

Summary: For Dan Howell, it was almost too easy. Once in a while became every week, which became every few days. And now, this was the fourth person he’d brought home that week and it was only Friday. What happens when Phil suggests Dan takes it easy?

Flower Crowns (ao3) - MarriedPhan1234

Summary: Dan is known around school as The Blow Job Queen, and he quite likes that title. But when he finally gives Phil Lester the time of day, he thinks that being demoted might not be such a bad thing.

Flower Crowns and Footballs (ao3) - sadia_xoxox

Summary: Dan Howell, a delicate pastel princess, starts at a new school and is shown around by the school's best footballer, Phil Lester. While on the surface the two seem to be complete opposites, will they attract or collide?

It's A Church Of Burnt Romances - phanetixs

Summary: Dan backs into the car and the driver asks where he’s heading. His head swims with thoughts of Phil, and of guilt and embarrassment at how he’s subconsciously treating his friend. Whose life centres around virtues like chastity. And non-objectification goes both ways. Dan takes a few deep breaths, pressing a palm to his insistent bulge to quell his arousal. As always, it doesn’t work.

Well, he resolves, if he can’t get Phil out of his head, he’s got to get someone else into it. Or onto him, preferably.

I've Seen Tomorrow (I've Seen Yesterday) - itsmyusualphannie

Summary: Future time travel au in which Dan and Phil’s jobs are to fix fractures in the timeline. this particular mission will take them back to 2019, but how well will they work together when they’ve just had a fight?

Monochrome (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: When you build your life out of fear that your mental illness could worsen, it leaves little room for excitement. Luckily, Dan has found a space online where he feels comfortable.

Moral of the Story (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Dan Howell and Phil Lester are big names in Hollywood, but their relationship is not what it seems. After a break up, Dan takes the time to reminisce about the start of him and Phil, only to come to his own moral of the story.

seasons change (ao3) - sadlybunny

Summary: The boy is irresistible. He’s got that “couldn’t be bothered” attitude that has always intrigued Phil, always made him want to know Danny a little bit better. Phil knows falling in love with his best friend’s younger brother is wrong. But he just can’t seem to do the right thing.

strangers (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: dan is new to london and living in a mostly empty flat, desperate to forget the mistakes of his past. he's all alone -- until one day he gets a piece of mail addressed to someone in the neighbouring flat, one mr. philip lester. he can't exactly not return it, can he?

Time's Tide (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: All men have secrets, and Phil won't let his own be known. But even in 1984's Manchester there is another person that understands.

Trust Me, I'm Broken Too (ao3) - natigail

Summary: The Lesters – the royal family of his homeland – was nothing like Dan thought they would be. Well, the King was just as horrible as he had heard but the King’s brother’s son, who was third in line for the throne, was nothing like Dan thought he’d be. Dan had been adrift for three years going from one “place of employment” to another, only his life was seen as worthless and he was more property than an employee. He had never imagined he’s end up as the property of Prince Philip.

The Prince had no intention of ever taking on a personal servant, which was a fancy name to disguise the fact a law essentially enslaved people. Phil often had to do things he didn’t want to or risk being removed from the succession to the crown. If that happened, who knew who his tyrant of an uncle would pick as a successor? When pressured into the choosing, he’d wanted to go for the most innocent, young girl, but hard brown eyes caught his attention instead.

when it rains, it's lemon cakes (ao3) - corvinephan

Summary: "The thought of the boy quickly becomes one of his go-to fantasies, the thing that helps him get through the day, tethering him to reality and making it a bearable experience. And really, Phil thinks that it's a bit much to feel this way about what is, essentially, a complete stranger, but he's always been bad with fantasies, getting lost in them easily, head always filled with impossible scenarios and tender moments he'll never get to experience.

"Sneaking around. Crushed pastries at the bottom of the tray. Kisses at dawn and the impending threat of an arranged marriage.

Phil meets a tall stranger on a late-night rendezvous through the castle. What happens when that stranger's smile and laugh fill an entire room, burrowing besides Phil's heart and refusing to leave?

When Winter Met Summer (ao3) - cactusgal

Summary: A little love story about two feuding spirits who control the earth. One controls the cold and one controls the heat and they constantly battle for control on the planet. Mother Nature, who has taken the planet under her wing, finally decides it's time to do something. Inspired by Heatmiser and Snowmiser from A Year Without a Santa Claus and the Panic at the Disco song "When the Day Met the Night".

you can ebb and i can flow (we'll take it slow) (ao3) - thisisluz

Summary:

"Phil used to close his eyes, press the tip of his nose to Dan’s cheek, and tried not to get too choked up with emotion. He still does the same thing, except now it’s the cold pillow he presses his face into while drowning in his too-empty bed, and thinks how Dan feels more and more like a stranger with each passing day."

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #happyending #happyending masterlist

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hopelesshawks · 3 years

Text

Physical Fatality Part 6- Ultimatum

18+ Hawks x fem, pro hero!reader

Summary: You’re a rising star in All Might’s agency. Hawks is the darling of Endeavor’s. By virtue of your job descriptions, the two of you are supposed to hate each other, or at the very least be cautiously neutral. For a long time that’s exactly what the two of you did. You stayed out of each other’s way and formed little opinion of the other. One fateful night at an HPSC gala changes all that. Based on the album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom by Halsey.

If you don’t want to see Physical Fatality content blacklist #hopelesspf

This story will have multiple NSFW parts so it is 18+ ONLY minors dni

Warnings for descriptions of unprotected vaginal, minor wing kink

Masterlist

Hawks knows what he’s been doing the past several weeks isn’t fair to you. In his defense, he was attempting to reconcile two different facts in his head. Fact 1: He is completely in love with you. Fact 2: He is completely loyal to Endeavor. Some days fact 1 wins out and he acts the perfect almost boyfriend. He helped you move into your apartment with Mina, he’d leave little gifts on your desk if he found something that made him think of you, and he kept things quiet so the reporters and your coworkers wouldn’t sniff out potential scandal. But some days fact 2 wins and he hesitates and grows distant. It’s not so much that he sees it as betraying Endeavor. He always has and always will think the Endeavor-All Might feud is dumb. But he knows that Endeavor will see it as a betrayal and like it or not Hawks owes a lot to Endeavor.

He sees the way you constantly try to anticipate how the press will interpret your every little move. Frankly, it looks like it makes an already exhausting job even more so. All you want to do is save people and instead you spend a nontrivial part of your day hyper analyzing your every move to anticipate the next day’s headlines. The other day you’d confessed to him that another bad headline could literally mean the end of your time at All Might’s agency and Hawks can’t even imagine that level of stress. And therein lies the problem. The only reason Hawks can’t imagine it is because the HPSC wiped all record of his name and Endeavor agreed to hire him once he completed training. So it’s not so much that being with you feels like a betrayal as it is that at some point he’ll have to tell Endeavor and when he does there will be hell to pay.

You know what Hawks has been doing the past several weeks isn’t fair to you. The hot and cold, on and off again is starting to give you whiplash. At first it was ignorable, after all you were busy settling into your new place so you spent quite a bit of your limited free time getting to know the woman you’d be living with from now on. Mina is a goddamn firecracker and you love her for it. Sure you’d seen some of her antics on Instagram before but you assumed it was all for the camera. Now as her roommate you’re realizing that’s just how Mina is. So for the first week Mina kept you busy even when Hawks would be in one of his weird distant moods. Then more time passed and it started to irk you. Was it or was it not his idea for this to not be a one time thing? So why was he being so distant suddenly.

Then the first fight happened. It was one of those days Hawks had been oddly distant. The task force had managed to narrow the possible groups responsible for the terrorist attack down to five and Hawks insisted each of you should take one to run surveillance on and the sixth person could coordinate. You thought it was a better use of resources to assign some of the lower ranked heroes to the surveillance and have the task force just coordinate and analyze what came through. “Don’t you think it’ll be a little suspicious if we suddenly aren’t doing our usual rounds because we're performing surveillance? Plus a lower ranked hero won't draw as much attention!" you argued. "This case is way too sensitive for us to be working off second hand information!" Hawks fired back. “I don’t know how you all do things over at Endeavor’s agency but our lower ranked heroes are competent enough to handle some simple surveillance,” you pointed out with a of roll your eyes. “What? Like Monoma?” Hawks shot back. “Maybe we should reel it in guys,” Midoriya tried to intervene but it was too late. “Yea like Monoma. What about it?” you replied, anger starting to build. “Just seems like a conflict of interest to me,” he shrugged. “A conflict of interest?” “That’s what I said isn’t it?” “Oh fuck off.” “So you’re not denying it.” “I am literally the first person to shit on Monoma in almost any situation but he’s a good hero.” “Interesting.” “Are you trying to die bird brain?” “OK! That’s enough!” Midoriya finally interrupted. “We’ll present both plans to Endeavor and All Might, let them decide,” Shoto had said simply. In the end they decided on Hawks’ plan.

The two of you probably should’ve talked out your almost relationship then. It was obvious to everyone else in the room that the argument was, fundamentally, not about task delegation, but you and Hawks were in denial and the angry sex afterwards made it easier to kiss, makeup, and just pretend it never happened. Except it did happen. And it happened again and again. On the good days you two are amazing, all sweet words and loving looks. On the bad days you’re a ticking time bomb. Every time you try to address it Hawks gives you absolutely nothing back. It’s driving you nuts. A fact you frequently make apparent to Bakugo and Midoriya. “Oh my god enough already,” Bakugo groans, interrupting your ongoing rant about the difficulties of being almost with Hawks. “Oh I’m sorry are my problems bothering you?” you ask sarcastically. “Look, we get it. He started this shit and now he won’t finish it. But if he won’t then why don’t you fucking finish it yourself,” Bakugo points out. “Kacchan has a point,” Midoriya adds in. “Not you too Izu,” you pout. “Don’t give me that look, I’m just saying maybe it is time to put your foot down,” he elaborates. “I’ve tried talking to him and he never tells me what’s going on with him,” you sigh. “Then stop talking and just hit him with an ultimatum,” Bakugo scoffs. “Yea! Tell him he has to make a decision now or you’re done,” Midoriya agrees. “What if he decides he doesn’t want this?” you ask. “Then it’s his loss,” Midoriya says. “Yea and we’ll kick his ass for it,” Bakugo adds. You really do have the best friends.

Hawks doesn’t know what to expect when you ask him to stick around after the task force meeting, but the thumbs up Midoriya gives you and the warning look Bakugo gives him don’t exactly bode well. Shoto exchanges a look with Hawks to confirm he’ll be fine and, when Hawks nods, Shoto and Tokoyami take their leave behind their former classmates. “So what’s up?” Hawks asks once the two of you are finally alone. “We need to talk about us,” you tell him and you can already feel him preparing to argue you down from having this conversation. “(Y/n)-“ he starts, but you’re not having it, not this time, so you cut him off. “I don’t want to fight right now. I know you’re always right. But even though you’ve been through the ups and downs with me, and even though I care a lot about you, you don’t seem to feel the same.” “That’s not true,” he refutes but even he knows his actions lately haven’t exactly conveyed how much he feels for you. “Really? Because we’ve been through it all, met each other’s moms, shared each other’s tragic backstories but lately, when it comes to talking about us, you can never spit it out for me. It’s like I’m trying to talk to a wall but you can never tear it down for me,” you insist. “That’s what happens when you ask personal questions while we’re still at work.” “What other choice do I have? You never pick up or call me.” “Maybe I just need more time.” “We’re running out of time.” “We don’t have to be! Let’s just talk this through later.” “No, we’ve done enough talking. It’s gotta be right now. I want you to hold me down forever, I do, but it’s your choice. Will you love me now or never?”

Hawks stares at you trying to process what you’ve said. He isn’t oblivious. He knows you’ve been getting frustrated with him being hot and cold. He knows the two of you getting involved was his idea in the first place. He knows he hasn’t been open with you about why he’s suddenly so hesitant. But he still hasn’t decided how to reconcile his love for you with his loyalty to Endeavor, so he still hesitates. “Can we please just figure this out later,” he pleads instead of answering as he reaches for you but you step back and out of his reach. “No. I’m drawing the line. I wasted two years of my life chasing something that wasn’t real with Monoma. I refuse to do it again. Especially when being with you literally puts my career at risk. So you don’t get to take any more time up. I need you to make your mind up. You’ve gotta decide Keigo. Now or never,” you insist.

It hits him then just how serious you are. There’s no talking his way out of this one. It really is now or never and something about the choice feels fateful. As if how he responds to you right now will determine his destiny. Almost his whole life he’s been looking for the kind of earth shattering, all consuming love you see in movies and tv shows. Something to fill the void his parents and the HPSC hollowed into him as a child. The stakes are so much higher with you than with the previous women he’s dated and he’s always been such a lousy gambler. Are you really the best bet? His mind is spinning with the daunting choice in front of him but then you sigh full of resignation and heartache and start to leave. It’s like someone mainlined ice water directly into his veins because suddenly the never is real. It’s real and terrifying and it’s about to be solidified by you walking out that door and he can’t. He absolutely can’t imagine his life without you in it right now so he lunges forward and grabs hold of your wrist. “Now! Fuck baby, I choose now,” he insists so desperately and when you turn to face him you both look absolutely cracked open.

The two of you collide together, mouths finding each other immediately. There is so much need and want and relief in that one kiss because for a horrifying moment both of you felt what it would be like to never have each other again. To never again feel that unique magnetism that constantly pulls you both together. Or worse, to feel it and yet be forever condemned to ignoring it. Keigo pulls you against him by your hips and his grip is hard enough you wonder if you’ll bruise. You make quick work of each other’s shirts and pants, desperate to be closer to each other. One of his hands reaches down to rub you through your panties and you’re already so wet for him. The little gasp you give at his feather light touches is absolutely intoxicating and he can’t believe that he almost lost this. Lost you. “I’m so sorry Love. So sorry I made you wait,” he whispers against your lips as he slips his fingers past the damp material of your underwear to stroke along your sex. “I need you Kei,” you whimper. “You have me.” “All of you. I need all of you.”

You don’t have to tell him twice.

The floor of the conference room perhaps isn’t the most ideal place to finally consummate your love but neither of you has the strength or desire to complain or postpone this moment. Scratchy carpet or the finest silk sheets, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that the two of you are together and finally, finally you can call him yours and he can call you his. So when he’s on top of you, underwear cast aside and nothing left to separate the two of you, you can’t even feel what’s beneath you. All you feel is his erection pressing at your entrance, his chest pressed to yours, and both of your hearts hammering in your chests as if anxious to beat against each other. You feel him in each and every one of your senses. As he presses into you, you both gasp at the sensation and just like that first time it’s so, so overwhelming. You clutch desperately at him to bring him impossibly closer and by the time he bottoms out inside you, you’re both on the verge of tears. “I love you,” he confesses and he thinks it may be the first time he’s ever meant it so utterly and completely. “I love you too,” you reply and for the first time in a long time the words don’t feel like ash on your tongue.

He starts moving his hips and it’s heaven. Each thrust into you feels like a solidification of the bond the two of you have formed over the past couple months since meeting. For the first time since Keigo had started getting distant it feels uncomplicated and you’re reminded again of why you’d thrown out all your rules for this man. This wild, beautiful man you could now call yours. You slide one hand along his back until you get to the base of one of his wings. You run your fingers through the soft plumage and delight in the shiver it draws out of him. One of his hands goes between the two of you to stimulate your sensitive clit and with each thrust you’re both seeing stars. His free hand finds yours to entangle your fingers together and he suspects that the tingling he feels throughout his whole body has less to do with the sex itself and more to do with you and the wondrous revelation that you want all of him, even the broken bits, just as much as he wants all of you. He ups the amount of pressure he’s applying to your clit and you tighten your grip on his feathers to match and soon you’re both hurtling over the edge into climax. You moan each other’s names into the limited space between you but there are multitudes contained therein.

You moan each other’s names but it sounds like I love you.

You moan each other’s names but it sounds like wedding bells and a family.

You moan each other’s names but it sounds like forever.

Author’s Note: This chapter feels short and I can’t tell if it’s because it’s actually short or I’m just paranoid about it being short because I made y’all wait a little bit for it. I’m happy with it or at least happy enough to post it but it’s not my favorite part that I’ve written for this series so far. I’ll try to make sure the next part is longer again to compensate for this one ❤️

Taglist [open]: @akkaso @cathy8taffy @eeppff @iikillerkitteh @pixelwisp

#hopelesspf #hawks #wing hero hawks #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n

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malecsecretsanta · 3 years

Text

Merry Christmas, moonlight-breeze-44!

For @moonlight-breeze-44. I took a few of your prompts, including angst, hurt/comfort, self-harming Alec and if you squint: sleepy cuddles, fluff and found family feels. I hope you enjoy it!!

Warning: self-harm

Read On AO3

*****

I am enough

“What are you doing to find our missing children?” Meliorn stares Alec down across the table. “Two faerie children have gone missing in the past week.”

“We’re investigating the situation. We’re in the process of gathering evidence and witness statements.” Alec reports.

“What about the three missing werewolf children? Maia inquires. “Have you made any progress on figuring out who took them?”

Alec shakes his head no. “Not yet. We had a lead - one of the witnesses reported seeing someone watching the children a few days before the abductions. We looked into it, but it’s not him. He's a mundane. He wouldn’t have been able to see the children, far less take him.”

Maia takes a breath to calm herself and leans back in her chair.

Before she can reply, Raphael speaks up. “A second newborn vampire went missing two nights ago. We filled out your reports. Have you found anything yet?”

Again Alec shakes his head no. “We are investigating, Raphael. I have shadowhunters going over the reports and searching security footage.”

“Shouldn’t you have shadowhunters on the ground, looking for witnesses?” Raphael inquires.

Magnus watches as Alec takes a moment to formulate his answer. Unlike the other downworlders, Magnus knows the pressure Alec is feeling from the Clave. The Clave does not care about downworlder children and does not want Alec ‘interfering with downworlder businesses.’ It angers him to no end, that the Clave is trying to stop Alec from helping the downworlders by putting pressure on him to improve the Institute’s patrols and demon kills.

“I will. The team gathering evidence for the Seelie abductions is nearly finished. It shouldn’t take more than a day. They already have instructions to take on the Vampire abduction case.” Alec replies.

“Hold on, you have an entire Institute full of hundreds of shadowhunters, and you can only spare a single team?” Raphael sounds incredulous.

Alec struggles to respond to that. “The Clave doesn’t approve of the Institute facilitating these investigations.”

“The Clave doesn’t approve?” Maia snaps “there are children missing! Three werewolf children have gone missing in the past week. Children! If it was shadowhunter children, the Clave would have spared no expense.”

Magnus watches as Alec digs his nails into his hand. He knows from earlier conversations that Alec agrees with them, but the Clave is giving Alec unreasonable standards, leaving him little time. Magnus knows that Alec has his best people -including himself- working to find the children, but the Institute is spread too thin.

Magnus wants to cover Alec’s hands with his own and stop him from hurting himself. But he can’t, because Alec had asked him here as High Warlock of Brooklyn, and not his boyfriend.

“Maia, I’m doing the best I can. I-”

“I agree with Maia, Shadowhunter. A single team of what, five shadowhunters? Out of the hundreds you have here isn’t enough. It’s the bare minimum! Raphael snaps.

“Investigative teams consists of twelve shadowhunters-”

“-big difference-” Raphael snarls under his breath.

“- and I’m trying to allocate more shadowhunters but we’re spread too thin. The Institute has many roles. We’re constantly closing smaller rifts - which show up more often than you assume, we consistently have have a minimum of 10 shadowhunter patrols out and a third of my shadowhunters are attending a conference in Idris-”

“- We get it, shadowhunter.” Meliorn interrupts. “You’re busy with your shadowhunter business, and downworlder business must take a backseat.”

“No, that’s not-” Alec takes a breath before continuing. “Right now, finding the missing children is my first priority. But I also report to the Clave so I can’t neglect my other duties.”

“There have been five downworlder abductions in the past week!” Maia slams her fist down on the table. “This should be your only priority, shadowhunter!”

There’s a chime as Magnus receives a notification on his phone. Magnus looks up and clears his throat. “Six abductions. I just received word that a warlock was taken. He’s 18 years old, which is still adolescent considering warlock lifespans.”

“Six abductions, and nothing,” Raphael sneers, “perhaps if the seventh was a shadowhunter child then you’d take this case seriously?”

Meliorn gestures around himself. “I thought these downworld cabinet meetings were a step in the right direction. But now it seems like they only serve to inform you of downworld activities.”

Alec looks pained. “That’s not-”

Maia stands up. “I’ve had enough of this. We’re wasting time. Since you are either incapable or not willing to find the children, I’m taking this into my own hands. And if a shadowhunter is responsible or even involved, Accords be damned.”

Maia walks out. Raphael nods in agreement, and follows her out of the room. “The least you can do is to stay out of our way, Lightwood.”

Alec flinches, and then drops his head into his knuckles. Magnus can see his nails biting into his skin. It’s a sadly familiar habit, one that Magnus sees more than he’d like.

Aside from Magnus and Alec, the room is empty. Magnus reaches across the table for Alec’s hand, but as soon as his fingers make contact, Alec flinches away and stands.

Magnus reaches out, worried. He knows how hard Alec is taking this case, and how much the lack of leads is weighing on Alec. “Alexander-”

Alec abruptly stands up, taps his tablet and hands it to Magnus without meeting his eyes. “Can you fill out this report for the missing warlock? I need to rendez-vous with Underhill and see if his team got anything from the last potential abduction site.”

Magnus takes the tablet and steps closer to Alec, who takes two steps away. “Alec-”

“I’m busy, I need to go look-”

Magnus recognizes this particular behavior in Alec, and it hurts that Alec is fleeing from him. He takes a quick step forward and grabs Alec’s hands. “I know you’re working hard on this. I know how hard the Clave is working against you. You’ll find them. I believe in you.”

Alec meets his eyes for a moment. Magnus is taken back by the emotions he sees swirling in Alec’s glassy eyes. Despair, self-hatred and a steely determination to make it right.

Alec looks away, touches Magnus’s hand gently and then pulls away before walking towards the exit.

“I’ll see you at the loft tonight?”

There’s a pause in Alec’s step. He nods, and then exits.

Magnus takes it as a yes.

~~~

Alec doesn’t show up.

It hurts but Magnus gets it. Alec is under a lot of pressure and stress, from both the Clave and the downworld and his own desire to rescue the children before harm befalls them.

Staying at the institute was probably a better choice. Alec would be able to handle the investigation faster there, as opposed to Magnus’s loft, despite Magnus’s ability to portal. The notion that every second counts is well proven, after all.

Magnus just wishes that he’d got the chance to talk to Alec, and ease some of the self-hatred out of him. The downworld cabinet was correct, but they didn’t have the full picture, not like Magnus and Alec.

Magnus goes to bed alone, deciding to portal to the Institute tomorrow at noon to check on Alec. He imagines that Izzy, or Alec’s friend, Underhill would talk to Alec and ease some of his guilt and stress.

He flicks his fingers and sends a ‘good night Alec’ text to Alec. Magnus closes his eyes and falls asleep, hoping but not expecting to receive a reply from Alec. Magnus knows his boyfriend.

He doesn’t receive a reply.

~~~

Alec doesn’t message Magnus in the morning either. In fact, Magnus’s phone remains void of any communication from Alec, until eleven thirty.

Delighted that Alec is reaching out, Magnus picks up the call with a cheerful, “Good morning Alexander!”

“Magnus, do you have anything that belongs to the missing warlock,” Alec presumably looks down at the report for the warlock’s name, “Mathias?”

Magnus frowns as Alec gets straight to business. “No. I could get something from his flat. You want me to run a trace on it?”

“Yeah. I know the other possessions were blocked from the tracking spell, but I-we need to cover all our bases.”

Magnus hums in agreement. Alec sounds stressed and tired, as if he didn’t sleep. Magnus wonders how to broach the subject without scaring Alec off.

“You didn’t come by the loft last night,” Magnus says lightly. “Chairman Meow missed his morning head scratches.”

“I-Magnus.” Alec says, He sounds exhausted, and Magnus feels for him. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay.” Magnus says quickly. “Take care of yourself. And if there’s anything that I can help you with…”

“I’ll let you know.” Alec promises, and Magnus hears the truth in it.

“I’ll let Madzie know you say ‘hi’?”

“Madzie? Wait- dammit.” Alec swears as he remembers they were supposed to pick her up and babysit.

“Alec-”

There’s some static in the background. “I need to go.”

Magnus sighs and says “Alright, bye.” but the line is already dead. He checks his phone, and realizes that he doesn’t have enough time to check on Alec at the institute if he wants to get to Mathias’s apartment and run the trace before picking up Madzie.

Magnus portals to the closest spot to Mathias’s apartment that he’s been to, and starts walking.

~~~

Angry tears slip out of Catarina’s eyes and dark blue magic escapes from her hands uncontrollably as she talks to Magnus.

It’s identical to a typical mundane child-kidnapping case.

The parent or guardian looks away for just a moment in a large, busy area, just long enough for the child to run away or for someone to grab them, and in a second the child is gone.

However, Madzie is no mundane. And the way Catarina’s frantic tracking spells have been blocked is no coincidence.

Madzie is the seventh abduction victim.

Magnus is just as angry and scared. He views the downworld as his extended family, the younger souls he takes care of and places under his protection. But Madzie… when Magnus was with Madzie and Alec it didn’t feel like extended family.

It felt like his immediate family. His adopted daughter, or rather niece and his significant other. He wanted to help raise her, and be there for her the way a father would.

Magnus loves Madzie.

And now she’s gone.

Magnus carefully pulls Catarina towards him, and runs a soothing hand on her back. “Hey look at me.” Magnus tilts Catarina’s head up, and they make eye contact. “I promise we’ll find her.” Magnus infuses a bit of magic into his words.

Catarina nods, and the magic stops leaking out of her hands.

Magnus steps away from her, opens a portal up to the institute and steps through.

~~~

Magnus steps out of the portal, right in front of the massive church doors to the institute. He knocks, and waits a moment before Underhill, Alec’s friend opens them.

“Magnus.” Underhill says. Magnus detects a note of relief in his voice. “I’m glad you came. Hopefully you can help Alec.”

Magnus nods tightly, and follows Underhill to the ops center where he spots Alec talking to Izzy in front of a map of New York.

“Alec.” It’s not often that Magnus uses this serious tone without any flirtation or sarcasm, and it never fails to grab the recipient’s attention. “We need to talk.”

Alec looks at him for a second, and then leads Magnus to his office.

Magnus closes the door behind him.

“Magnus, what is it?”

“It’s Madzie.”

Alec freezes. The knowledge that Madzie is in danger freezes him in place. Magnus can see the moment Alec realizes what happened, by the terrified look in his eyes. Neither of them move.

“She’s been taken.”

Magnus sees Alec curl his nails into his hands and absently wonders, how many times has Alec done that since he saw him yesterday? How many times has Alec done that since they spoke at noon?

Magnus recounts how Catarina was waiting with Madzie to give her to Magnus to babysit, and how Magnus ran slightly late. How Catarina had looked away for just a moment, and Madzie was lost. How Catarina’s tracking spells were blocked, just like the rest.

As he talks, Alec’s knuckles grow whiter and whiter as he digs his nails into his palms and the softer sides of his fingers. It’s only when Magnus finishes speaking that Alec unfolds his hands, and Magnus sees blood.

“Alec,” Magnus whispers, reaching for Alec’s hands. “I know how you’re feeling but you can’t do this to yourself.”

He cradles Alec’s hands in his own, and feels sick as he sees all the crescent scars, some of them already starting to heal, others still bleeding. There must’ve been at least fifteen on each hand. Magnus’s heart breaks.

He summons his magic to heal them, but Alec yanks his hands back.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel.” Alec reaches up and tugs on his hair, painfully. "I-we need to find her. Them. Now.”

Magnus studies Alec worriedly and steps closer. He stands inches away from Alec, and gently takes both of Alec’s hands, unwinding the one in Alec’s hair.

“Your feelings, your emotions always matter, Alec.” Magnus whispers. “But hurting yourself isn't fixing anything. Where’s your stress ball?”

Wordlessly Alec steps back and opens one of the drawers in his desk. Magnus peers inside and sees Alec’s stress ball in pieces. It’s covered in indents and large tears, presumably from Alec’s fingernails. It’s almost unrecognizable.

“I tried using it instead,” Alec says, stilted. “But…”

“... But a mundane stress ball can’t hold up against a shadowhunter.” Magnus finishes, and Alec nods looking away.

Magnus twirls his fingers, and bright blue magic surrounds the destroyed stress ball, repairing and assembling it. When it’s done, Magnus picks it up. “I’ll see what I can do to make it shadowhunter proof. In the meantime, maybe you should consider trying some of the other coping mechanisms we talked about? Like holding the ice block, or drawing on yourself with a soft-tipped pen?

It feels like years pass (and Magnus would know) before Alec nods in agreement.

“Thank you.” Magnus steps closer to Alec and gently grasps his hands again. Magnus sees the dark bags under Alec’s eyes, and smells the scent of coffee on his breath. He puts the pieces together.

“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?” Magnus asks, deliberately keeping his voice soft.

Alec looks away, and tries to tug his hands out of Magnus’s grip, but Magnus keeps hold of them.

“Talk to me, Alec. I know you're hurting. Let me help.”

Slowly, Alec gives Magnus the slowest of nods.

Magnus summons his magic, and in a moment all the crescent cuts on Alec’s hands are gone. Magnus lifts both of Alec’s palms up, and gently kisses them before letting them go. He gently grasps Alec’s head, and slides his thumb on Alec’s cheek. The dull pain and faint ringing that comes with pulling an all-nighter disappears and Alec leans on Magnus, arms wrapping around him tightly. He’s shaking.

Magnus returns the hug protectively.

“I can’t - I can’t find them, I can’t, Magnus. I tried, but that’s not good enough.” Alec sobs, words half-muffled against Magnus’s shoulder.

“I’m trying but there’s nothing and the Clave is pulling me in a dozen different directions and I haven’t found anything to give to the cabinet and it’s been two weeks since the first child was taken. Two weeks, Magnus. And I’m still at step one. I- I don’t even know if the kids are even alive and now Madzie-”

Alec lets out a heartbreaking sob.

“-I can’t - I can’t even think of what might happen to her, Magnus. If I’d just been there, maybe she wouldn’t have been taken, or if I was better, I would’ve gotten something-” Alec shudders. “It’s my fault - it's my fault she’s gone. I should - I should’ve been there.”

“I’m not good enough.” Alec cries, and shakes in Magnus’s arms.

Magnus pulls back just enough so that he can look Alec in the eye. “Alec, sweetheart, you are good enough. You are one of the best men I’ve ever known.”

Alec looks away.

“And I know you don’t believe me right now, but it's true. But let me convince you of this. These abductions are not your fault. I see how much effort and time you’re putting into finding them. I know you’re doing everything you can, Alec. This is not your fault.”

Alec nods, and holds onto Magnus.

“And this isn’t your sole burden to bear. You have an entire institute, and the High Warlock of Brooklyn at your fingertips. We’re all willing. Let us help you, Alec. You don’t have to spread yourself so thin.”

"Let me take care of you." Magnus whispers, pleading.

Slowly Alec nods, and Magnus hugs him again, tilting his head to lean against Alec’s.

Alec hugs him back tightly, trembling in his arms. Magnus adjusts an arm to rub Alec’s back comfortingly as Alec cries. He can feel a spot on his shoulder growing increasingly damp. It’s heartbreaking to hear, but Magnus knows Alec needs this. Magnus knows from first hand experience that while crying generally doesn’t solve the problem, it’s a necessary emotional release.

Magnus also knows that as head of the Institute, Alec wouldn’t let any of the shadowhunters under his care see him so vulnerable. It occurs to Magnus that the previous heads of the Institute, Maryse and Robert, were the same way. Every time he saw them, Maryse and Robert spoke in strict, controlled tones. Magnus can’t recall them showing any other emotion than anger, on a few rare occasions. He suddenly doubts they would have instructed Alec on dealing with the stress, other than ignoring it.

“It’s okay to cry, Alec.” Magnus reassures. “I don’t know what your parents or the Clave tell you, but every leader feels this way when the situation arises. I did, quite frequently when Valentine was around. Feeling this way doesn’t make you weak, or not good enough. It makes you human.”

Magnus’s words seem to get through to Alec. Slowly enough, Magnus feels the tremors from Alec ease, and his nearly painful grip on Magnus eases into something more comfortable. After a few moments, Alec lets go and wipes his face. He clears his throat and glances at Magnus.

“Thanks,” Alec offers Magnus a small smile. “I think I needed that.”

Magnus laughs lightly and hums in agreement. “How do you feel now?”

“Better,” Alec replies, “I’m still worried about Madzie and the others but it’s not…”

“... overwhelming?” Magnus guesses, from experience.

“Yeah, exactly.” Alec smiles, before giving Magnus a considering look. “Can we do a scene? I want to stop thinking about the case and get out of my head for a bit.”

Magnus gives Alec a teasing, playful smile. “You want to lock me up?”

“Actually I was wondering if I could, uh, sub for you?” Alec asks, slightly nervously. Magnus can see the tips of his ears turning red.

“I’d love that. But are you sure?” Magnus verifies. “It’s usually the other way around.”

“I’m sure.” Alec smiles reassuringly. “I’ll let you know if I don’t like anything, or if I want to stop.”

Magnus smiles, reaches up and slides his thumb across Alec’s cheek. “Good. We won’t do much today, you’re pretty tired.”

Magnus waits for the ‘okay,’ from Alec before starting. “Go tell Isabelle that there’s been another abduction, and Catarina and I will leave the reports on her desk shortly. Tell her that you’re going to take a few hours, and then come back to help.”

Alec nods. “Okay.”

“Meet me in your room when you’re done.”

Alec nods, and Magnus smiles and kisses him before letting him leave.

Magnus exits the office after Alec and makes his way to Alec’s room. It’s hardly the first time he’s been here, and no-one stops him in entering.

Inside Alec has case files, papers and photographs spread over his bed. With a flick of his wrist, Magnus packs it up neatly and sends it to Alec’s office table.

He pulls off his outer jacket and shoes, and sits down, leaning on the headboard to wait for Alec.

Magnus doesn’t have to wait long. Alec appears in the doorway. He walks in and shuts the door behind him.

Magnus stands up and walks towards Alec. He plucks the tablet out of Alec’s hands, and sends it to Alec’s office. Then he raises his hands to Alec’s shoulders, and slides Alec’s jacket off.

With a flick of his wrist, Magnus summons soft sweatpants. He hands it to Alec.

“Go get changed, sweetheart.”

Alec nods, takes the clothes and disappears into the small washroom on the other side of the room. Not a minute later, he reappears wearing the clothes Magnus gave him. Some of the previous tension has disappeared, and Alec’s eyes only hold a glimmer of red indicating he was just crying. Magnus steps closer to Alec and kisses him. He places his hands on Alec’s back, holding him in place and feeling a bit more of the tension fade.

Eventually Magnus pulls back. “It’s comfortable?” Magnus asks to make sure.

Alec nods. “It’s soft.” There’s a contented hum from Alec. “I like it. Thank you.”

Magnus smiles. “Good.” He gestures to the bed behind him. “Go lie down on your stomach at the edge of the bed.”

Alec looks slightly confused, but he complies anyway. Magnus stands beside the bed, pulls off his rings, flicks his wrists and massage oil immediately covers his hands. He starts kneading Alec’s shoulders.

“Is this okay?”

Alec melts into the bed, and makes a muffled affirming sound.

Magnus smiles and continues. He watches as Alec slowly melts into the sheets, as the sensation of Magnus’s hands on his back takes over his focus, pushing his other thoughts away. Magnus watches Alec’s eyes close, and after a few minutes Magnus can tell that Alec reaches the line between relaxed and drowsy. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

Alec twists his head to the side to look at Magnus. “Will you stay?” He asks, sleep already drifting into his voice making it soft.

Magnus doesn’t even have to think.

“Always.”

And just like that, nearly all the tension in Alec's muscles is gone. Magnus knows that they still have a long way to go, but this is a step in the right direction. When he's sure Alec is fast asleep, he pulls the blanket over Alec, and sits next to him leaning on the headboard.

With a flick of his wrist, the massage oil is gone. Magnus summons the first case file from Alec’s office and begins reviewing the details, while gently carding through Alec’s hair.

They’ll get through his. They have to.

~~~

Four stressful days later Magnus and Alec are standing inside an abandoned warehouse near the ocean surrounded by abducted downworlder children. There’s nearly fifty of them there, from all over the world judging by their clothing. Alec holds Magnus’s hand tightly as he directs the children over to the shadowhunters and downworlders to get medically checked out.

So far, they’ve found both missing fae children, one of the werewolves, the missing vampire and the elder warlock.

They haven’t seen Madzie yet, and Magnus can tell that Alec is getting antsy.

Suddenly, there’s a familiar cry. “Alec!”

Magnus turns in time to see Madzie barrel into Alec, clinging to him tightly. Alec picks up her and returns the fierce hug. Magnus can see lines of tension that even he had not been able to rid fading.

Magnus quickly sends a fire message to Catarina, telling her that they found Madzie and to meet them at the entrance of the warehouse.

Madzie pulls back from the hug and smiles at Alec. “I knew you’d find me!” Then she spots Magnus and starts wiggling, insisting to be held by Magnus as well.

Alec laughs wetly and hands her to Magnus.

“Sweet pea! I’m glad you’re alright.” Magnus smiles, and Madzie beams back at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Alec smile shakily and wipe a few stray tears away. Magnus switches to hold Madzie with one arm and pulls Alec into their hug with the other.

Finally, something in Magnus settles. His family is together, and safe again.

The End.

#moonlight-breeze-44 #malecsanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

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ixchel-sketch · 4 years

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TITLE: Cacalotl / El Cuervo GENRE: Crime & Romance FANDOM: Mayans M.C. SHIP(S): Coco & Original Female Character STATUS: Complete LENGTH: 4,057 words

Coco is beginning to feel worn down by balancing his responsibilities with the MC and his relationship with Maya. Before she goes away to a festival for a week he gets a letter letting him know that he’s being placed back on active duty. The club is supportive now that he is a fully patched member and all that is left to do is tell Maya about it. Meanwhile she discovers some game changing news of her own.

The honeymoon phase was officially over, whatever the fuck that meant. Five months into their relationship and there was no longer any novelty about coming home and finding arbitrary art supplies scattered into every corner of his place. Or the small piles of clothes that remained stacked where they’d been removed until he reminded her to do her fucking laundry. Though he didn’t have too much of a leg to stand on with complaints, his beer bottles and cigarette butts were practically a form of interior design by this point. Both of them had low moods where they weren’t productive, much less focused on avoiding the other’s pet peeves.

When he was still a prospect Coco could get away with disappearing for a few hours to a night or two spent somewhere else. Now that he was a fully patched member he didn't have to stay late after parties and runs to clean shit up. There was more freedom and some stability now that the club business was going good. Maya had decided to cut down on the amount of travel she did a year, her nights spent split between the RV parked in the back of Coco's house and his bed. Sometimes it was great, he felt a sense of peace coming home and seeing her face light up when he entered the room. Or her head popping out from behind the thin door of her van once the sound of his motorcycle cut off. The feel of her pressed against him at night. But on the hard days, ones where she would suddenly stay in all day and only move to finish a painting or pop something in the microwave reminded him of just how trapped all of the so called stability made Coco feel.

And the guilt at having those feelings just made him feel even more fucked up. Maya would look at him with those big dopey eyes and say sweet things at him. Even when his temper would flare and he would push her away she would just shut down and give him space or worse...be outright accepting. The guys didn’t see it as a problem and Coco had gone long past the point of trying to explain. As far as Angel and Gilly were concerned she was damn near perfect, never causing drama or getting into Club business. She didn’t even give Coco a hard time when they would spend nights at Vicki’s for some celebration or another that usually involved other women giving them attention.

Which was just another sin Coco could add to his current list of burdens. While Maya had remained faithful and filled her time making art Coco had not been able to resist flirting and stealing kisses from the women at Vicki's. He hadn't slept with anyone, an embarrassingly small point of pride he still wore like a badge. Though the longer it took for them to see any kind of excitement or danger the more his resolve weakened on that front. When they finally got a job doing a run that their northern charter couldn’t complete, crossing over territories that would take at least a couple of days to cover and keep up with the necessary hospitality, it felt like a breath of fresh air. An eager distraction from confronting the news he’d gotten earlier that week.

Maya certainly hadn’t seen it that way.

“Oh.” Her shoulders slumped and the look of disappointment that wormed onto her face made his stomach clench. “ I have to leave for that festival in a couple days…”

“Yeah.” She’d been gearing up for that for weeks, only adding to the stress of their interactions. A smudge of red paint on her cheek told him she’d been working on the collection again. Finally being able to get away for more than a day was exactly what he needed. “And?”

“I just thought you might want to spend it together.” Her words were loaded and it sent Coco automatically on edge. They had never set restrictions on the other’s behavior before but now she was going to disapprove of the Club business?

“It’s not exactly a choice.”

“But you want to go, right?”

His shoulders bunched up, making the shrug more apparent and he turned his back to where she was standing in the kitchen to head towards the room and begin packing his bag. The plan was to leave early in the morning and cover as much road as possible. Maya stayed at the doorway and even not facing her Coco could guess that her arms were crossed over her chest. “I gotta go. It feels like I’ve been stuck in the house for fucking weeks.”

“That’s kind of funny,” Though her tone made it clear that she felt no amusement. “ considering you’ve had more shifts and club stuff these last two weeks than in the past couple of months. And when you are here you’re practically itching to leave.”

“How the fuck do you know what’s going on in my head?” The clothes were tossed onto the bed with little care, just a couple things that would fit into his military surplus backpack.

“Are you serious?” She scoffs, turned to head back into the kitchen so that she could finish putting away some dishes she’d been working on clearing out earlier. Maya had a habit of leaving them in the sink until the end of the day and felt the need to clean from the rising tension come over her. “The only time you want to talk to be around me is when you want to fuck.”

“Wait wait,” He calls from the other room and the sound of his pack being dropped to the floor is the only noise until he’s standing in front of her with an incredulous expression. Dark brows are lowered into a glower and Maya squares her shoulders in preparation for the oncoming fight.

They didn’t get into arguments often. In fact she could probably count the number of actual fights on one hand, usually resulting in one of them leaving the house until they had both cooled down and were ready to actually talk about it. There was always some sort of catalyst, or some slow building thing that was finally too much for either of them bare. The former was always an easier fix...but something about the way that he’d been pushing her away made her think the resolution wouldn’t be so simple this time. It had only become obvious that something was wrong when she noticed the way he would lean away from her, the casual brush of his hand against her waist or ass had long since stopped when they were in public. And even though she knew the club had legitimate connections and business at Vicki’s, Coco came back smelling more and more like cheap perfume instead of just cigarette smoke.

“Don’t pull that fuckin shit. If I’m not at the club or work I’m here just hanging while you do your art so you can take the fuck off again. And when I gotta do the same you wanna start shit? Fuck!” One of the drying plates from the sink is swept off the counter in one fast movement, sending glass shattering on the floor and making Maya jump a couple inches in the air. Her eyes are wide with shock and he purposefully doesn’t meet them, only stares at the organic shaped pieces of ceramic that decorated the tile.

“What the fuck is goin’ on with you?” Her Appalachian draw picked up as her heart started to race. There was definitely something deeper that caused this kind of reaction in him and the dread that it was something big began to loom in her mind’s horizon. “This isn’t about me wanting to spend time with you before I leave town for a couple weeks is it?”

“No, it’s about you never leaving me the fuck alone!” She’s silent, watching him try to breathe some level headed thoughts back into the conversation, his hand swipes at his mouth where some spittle still clung from when he was shouting. “You’re always here, and when you’re not you’re in my fucking drive way. I agreed to date you, not put a fucking ring on it.”

Coco felt out of control. As though the topic they had was covered in a metaphoric sheen of gasoline and in his hand held the match. Sure, there had been times when Coco had done his best to lash out and push Maya away, but all of those had been weighted down by his infatuation with her. Now, all he could think about was how good the road was going to feel and the hours of silence and distance. Of action. Of getting away from the conversation at hand and where he knew it would lead. There was far more comfort in the life that he’d known than there was struggling to find himself in a life of domesticity with her.

“Well it’s a good thing I’m leaving then, I guess.” To agree with her out loud would be too spiteful so instead he went to work picking up the mess he’d made. Shoulders still held high and tight and each action was careful, like he was desperately trying to keep whatever he was feeling buried. Each silent moment made the void of anxiety in her chest open just a little bit wider. “Do you...still want me here? Or is this about something else?”

Coco’s dark eyes snap to her face and Maya swallows heavily. There’s a severity to his grimace and she had a feeling if he didn’t have a dust pan full of broken plate he’d probably be reaching for a cigarette right about now. After dumping them in the trash can he ran a hand through his hair. A few moments of tense silence later and Coco crossed the kitchen to pull out an official looking envelope, her own gaze drawn towards the seal of the US military at the corner. “What the fuck is that?”

“Got this a couple days ago. “ Her hands were practically shaking as the piece of paper slipped free from its packaging. A quick scan of the first page gave her enough information...he was being called back to active duty and would have to leave at the end of the month. “I already told the guys, they got no beef with it.”

“But you didn’t want to tell me. You didn’t even tell me you were still enlisted!” “Signed up for six years, they can call me back if they want.”

“So? Fuck them!”

The glare she receives for that outburst tells her all she needs to know. His mind was made up and the withdrawing made total sense now. A lump formed in her throat and she retreated back to his room to climb onto the bed and wait for him to follow. The painting she’d just finished earlier was still hung on the wall to dry and caught her eye. When Coco finally came in to finish packing Maya waited, the air heavy between them. There was an emotional pain blooming in her heart that felt like the coming of the end. Her voice wavered when she finally worked up the courage to speak.

“What does that mean for us? I don’t...I don’t want us to be over.”

Tears finally break free and make tracks down her cheeks and Coco lets out a heavy sigh. Maya hadn’t even noticed that she had her palms pressed to her face until his calloused hands are gently pulling them away so he can wrap his arms around her. Falling for each other hadn’t been in either one’s plans and even though she’d never met another person that made her feel like he did --- some part of her had always known that Coco wasn’t ready for something permanent.

“Nothing’s got to change right now, we got a couple days to figure it out.” She shook her head against his shoulder and let out a small hiccup of a sob. He was leaving to get away from her. He wanted it to end and there was nothing that she could do about it. The emotion at the forefront of her mind was heavy confusion at how they had even gotten to this point. More gentle than he had ever been, Coco buried his face against her neck and for just a moment she thought he might join her in shedding a couple tears. Instead he simply stroked her back until her chest felt a little less tight and her crying had slowed to a stop. The warmth of his palm against her spine and Coco’s steady breathing turned heavy as he pulled her closer still.

“I love you.” Maya whispered into the space between them. He didn’t reply, simply placed a kiss in the corner of her neck, her jaw, her lips. His hands are careful but still hold a bit of desperation where they grip her. The fact that he doesn’t say it in return doesn’t go unnoticed but she valiantly pushed the fear of what was to come away so that she could only feel the familiar and comforting arousal that his attentions usually brought on. Maya kissed him back with fervor, hands splayed on his chest, smoothed over the loose white T-shirt he wore until she could wrap her arms around his neck. The long steady strokes down her back slowly reach even lower until he’s grabbing her ass and pulling her into his lap.

“I’m sorry.” She’s not sure if he means for the fight, or for something more final… Either way it doesn’t matter at the moment. Maya shushes him with another kiss, one of her hands going to card through the short black hair at the base of his head. His gentleness begins to fade when she arches her back so that their chests are pressed against the other, though there is still a measure of care to his movements when Coco pauses to remove the sundress she'd thrown on earlier.

His clothes are quick to follow and Maya takes the opportunity to stretch out on the mattress beside him, eyes roving over his bare form -- memorising the lines of his tattoos and the way they move over his muscles. Soon the shadow of him looms over her, his forearms bracketed either side of her and Coco places a kiss on her forehead. There's something heavy and too scary to name behind their intimacy. A slowness that neither had really had too much patience for before that night. Now it was as though both of them were determined to take their time, one of his legs sliding between hers and allowing the weight of his body to rub her in all the right places.

"Fuck, you feel good." He groans, hips rolling against her. Maya smirks and brings her hand up to lick her palm before slipping it between them and around his member, earning a gasp of pleasure and fevered kiss for her efforts. Coco thrust against her hand, his own findinding purchase in gripping her thigh or calf where it's raised against his side. His breath is hot between them, warming the air between kisses placed on her collar and lower still.

Maya lets out a small cry when he noses against her breast then his lips close around a raised nipple. At the same time Coco easily entered her, her hand on his dick going to scrape up his back and rest curled around broad inked shoulders in order to keep him close. She feels stretched and full in all the right ways, but it’s still not enough.

"Shit, harder baby--" Her tone breathy and heavy with desperation. The heat on Maya's belly growing and moving south with building pressure of pleasure. Opposite of her request, he comes free of her and laughs at the pouting frown that creased her full lips. Before she had time to complain though, Coco takes firm hold of one of her legs and brings it up to his shoulder.

“Oh! Fuck!” At this angle it feels like he might be trying to split her open, hips pistoning fast and harsh until the sound of their pants and the slap of flesh is all that’s left. One of Maya’s hands traces up the muscles of his stomach to lay a palm over his chest and Coco meets her lust filled gaze with heavy lidded eyes. A wet kiss placed messily at the where her calf is balanced against his collar. Her own eyes fall closed as her orgasm ripples through her and pulls him closer to the edge, but she thinks she catches the words ‘Te quiero’ on his lips.

It’s almost a week before she talks to him again. Four days before she’s supposed to return from the festival. The next morning Coco had taken off hours before she woke up, leaving Maya full of insecurity over their future and the argument that had occured that night. There was no trying to talk him out of his decision and the longer that she spent thinking about the time that would mean apart --- the bigger the void got in her chest and the looming feeling of heartbreak. They had never spent too much time planning their future, but she had a feeling at least a year apart would require some kind of heavy talking. And if their last conversation was any judge of his feelings on commitment then she truly felt as though their relationship was living on borrowed time. The internal disquiet caused her stomach to let out a sharp pang of nausea, bile rising in her throat and Maya forced herself to breathe through it rather than go running out of her booth.

“Hey! Maya!” A familiar voice caused her head to snap up and a grin pushed the dark thoughts momentarily at bay. Tati, the artist that ran the table next to hers came over with a water bottle in her outstretched hand. “Here, you’re looking kind of pale.”

“I’m alright, just a bit of indigestion.”

“Damn, that sucks. Do you think I could borrow a tampon?”

“No. Please do not return it.” She laughed and went to get her purse, sure she had a few older ones lying towards the bottom of the large patchwork bag. Her mind ildely trying to think of the last time she’d used them and froze with a sudden icy chill of panic Maya couldn’t hope to hide. Her fingers shook as she fumbled to place the plastic wrapped tube in her friend’s hand.

“You okay? You look like you just saw a fucking ghost.”

“N..No, I’m fine.” Tati looked unconvinced but thanked her again before heading back over to the safety of her canopy. These were the times she wished she’d split the table with another artist so that she might be able to take a break and answer the scary question that was growing like a weed in the back of her mind. As it was she would have to wait until the end of the day to close up her booth and head to the nearest convenience store, each hour passing by impossibly slow despite the amount of decent foot traffic she had. Her gaze cast out and locked onto a nest of a black birds, most likely a crow, equally busy in the tree across the foot worn path. Whether they were a beautiful show of nature or a bad omen she couldn’t say. Instead she counted the weeks since her last cycle, then again for good measure to make sure that it wasn’t just paranoia. Sure, she was on The Pill but had been known to accidentally miss a day or two...and she’d never been very good about staying on schedule with it.

" Fuck me, shit.” By the time she made it to the store the sun had set and her anxiety was in full swing. Maya grabbed two boxes of tests and polished off the rest of her large water bottle. Privacy was pushed to the back of her mind in panic and the brunette locked herself into handicapped stall. Coco had been slow to answer her texts since he'd left, and even now left her messages on read despite the obvious stress behind them. With her heart racing and the test lining up on the sink accusingly, she was in no mood to be toyed with.

"Pick up, pinche pendejo." Three calls, no answer. The sound of women coming and going in the other stalls completely ignored by the focus at hand. By the fifth call there's finally an answer on the other end, his voice tight and the sound of laughter in the background loud and obnoxious over the line.

"What?"

"Where are you?" She had expected him to be home, or maybe out with the guys. Though the familiar sound of music and women's laughter told her otherwise. "At Vicki's?"

"Yeah. Hello to you too."

"Hm." He'd never ignored her calls when he was there before.

"What? Qué paso?"

"I think we have a problem." She waits for him to say anything but the only response is the quieting of ambient noise. He must have gone into another room or stepped outside. The tension grows so thick that her stomach spikes with nausea once again. One glance at the four tests lining the sink and she's unable to breathe the repugnant feeling away this time. The cell phone placed quickly on the floor before Maya emptied the contents of her stomach.

With a tired sigh she wiped her mouth and picked the cell phone up, grumbling a weak apology.

"What happened? You take something?"

"No, nothing like that." She'd called him from a show sick from drinking or tripping before, her impulse control severely lacking while on the road. The words felt foreign in her mouth but she forced them out. The bitter taste of bile still coating the back of her throat with a scratchy burn. "I'm pregnant."

Nothing. Almost complete quiet except for where his breathing has gone rough and stilted. "What the fuck did you just say? Are you sure? I thought you were on the pill?"

Multiple feelings strike her at once, rippling through her core like a physical blow. Intensifying with each question. Though her tone goes flat and cold, the cell gripped so tight Maya's knuckles go white. "I am. It's not perfect."

"Yeah? No shit."

Her eyes closed tightly and Maya swept the tests into the trash. There was no use clinging to them as though she could will away the situation. She clears her throat to make sure her voice doesn't break. "So...what do you want to do?"

It's his turn to sigh, a slow whooshing crackle over the line and he sounds bone weary and utterly contrary to the wired and shaky energy that courses through her veins. "That's not on me. Look... I already got a couple kids, and I'm not in their lives for a reason. Ain't nothing really changed on that front."

It's a conversation that they should have been holding in person. Both of them shared accountability for what had happened and not being able to see the look on his face only hastened the hysteria that swiftly encroached. "Right. So you don't...want to be involved. If I keep it."

"Maya...I'm not even gonna be here."

"Right." Her heart sinks and Maya finally flees the small bathroom, rushing out of the store and shivering when the night air chills the nervous sweat that misted her forehead. The lock to her bike came free as she balanced the cell phone on her shoulder. Numb shock of what this meant making her movements mechanical. The consuming heartbreak just waiting until she was alone to attack, for now anger was her only defense. "You're right. I got this. Just do me a little favor, 'kay?"

He doesn't answer but it doesn't really matter. There's no way that Coco would turn down this final request, especially since she wouldn't be back for another few days.

"Pack up my shit so I can just swing by and get it? Thanks."

#johnny coco cruz #coco cruz #mayans fanfic #mayans smut #mayans mc #Coco & Maya #Maya Ortiz (OFC)

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bangtan-madi · 4 years

Text

546 Days Without You — Five: Day 44

Pairing — Seokjin x Reader

Tags — boyfriend!Seokjin, older brother!Yoongi, producer/songwriter!MC, military au (ish), idol au (ish)

Genre — fluff, angst

Word Count — 2.1k

Summary — Kim Seokjin is your entire world, and that world falls apart the moment he and your older brother Yoongi are conscripted into the South Korean military.

Part — 5 / 15

Warnings — Do I even have to say enlistment at this point? Last chapter with a warning for that. By now, you know that every post will at least reference it.

A/N — So someone asked about a taglist for this fic, and I think it’s a great idea! The list is at the bottom and it’s open! Comment if you’d like me to add you to the taglist and I’ll get you on there for future updates :)

(gif not mine. credit to original creator.)

Previous — Next

By mid-January, everyone is finally starting to get back to normal. After Hoseok's timely intervention, the holidays were a joyful time for the band. While there weren't any events or parties or New Year's Rockin' Eve, like last year, you were silently glad that peace was returning.

As the new year passes, everyone is pumped up and motivated to continue working on the next album. While still in the pre-production stages—melodies, lyrics, and concepts being solidified and meddled with—there are few places you'd rather be. Right in the middle of the chaos that is BTS, crafting alongside the boys, that's your happy place.

That's what dreams are made of.

"I'm kinda in love with this concept, not gonna lie," Namjoon laughs, reclining back in one of the studio chairs.

He's been behind the glass, practicing what you have so far on the namesake track for the next album, but you've hit a spot in the bridge that's more difficult than the last. Despite that, Namjoon has been much cheerier and light than usual. He adores this process, lives for it. It seems that the moonchild gets his best ideas when alone in the studio, after everyone else has long since gone home.

You, however, are about ready to hit your head against the desk. "I love it like my brothers; every now and then I want to kill them."

Namjoon snorts as you drop your tablet into your lap and let your head lull back. "I understand how you feel."

"No, you don't. Your big, genius brain thought up all of this. You get psychology and archetypes and theory like no one else, Joon. I mean, I knew we were going with another chapter of Map of the Soul, but don't you think 'Dream' is a little...I don't know, audacious?"

He smiles, showing off his dimples. "I prefer forward-thinking."

Your head turns back to the tablet, seeing the basic outline of the song in front of you. "Dream" was one that you and Namjoon were working on together. He had started the process with Yoongi, and thought it only right to end it with you. He and the Mins have always worked best together, and this song was going to be something special.

"Speaking of forward-thinking, I want to show you something."

Namjoon slips from his chair and scurries over to the producing equipment. Using the computer, he pulls up a file called, "From KSJ's, To MYN 2020.10.24."

"What's that?" you ask, the title of the file catching your eye.

"I'll show you if you promise to not cry."

"Um, why would I do that?"

Instead of answering, Namjoon clicks twice. It's an audio file, and you're overcome instantly with a voice you'd recognize anywhere.

Seokjin's angelic vocals start off soft and sweet, humming a peaceful melody that you've never heard before. Then they shift into soothing lyrics, and you can tell that they're meant for you. Phrases of love and emotion fill your ears, and breaking your promise to Namjoon, tears begin to brim. Seokjin's voice grows stronger as he belts out the chorus with all his heart. You've never heard him hit notes like that.

As the song comes to a close, Seokjin whispers the last line, adding to the end, "Love you, Jagi."

Silence follows. You can't bring yourself to move or speak or think of anything other than the beautiful song he'd recorded for you. Namjoon sits with you, in the quiet, eyes shifting every few moments to you then back to the equipment.

October 24th. That was the day you'd spent recording with Jungkook, the day Seokjin finished early, the day before he decided to enlist. He'd been awfully dodgy about his recording of that day. You had no idea what he was working on, only assuming that he was recording one of his parts for the new album's couple songs that had been pre-produced.

You never dreamed he was singing something just for you.

"He told me to show it to you after you were in a well enough head-space," Namjoon eventually says. "Saying goodbye's never been our strong suit. He wanted to make you feel like he was still here."

"It's beautiful," you murmur, your voice a whisper.

"Jin was thinking about including it on the upcoming album. He wanted you to make the final call. If you want to keep it just for yourself, that's totally okay. BigHit doesn't know about the piece, so we can keep it between us three if that's what you want."

You shake your head, turning to your friend with a small smile. "It's too pretty to keep to myself. The Army will love it. Seokjin deserves to be the one doted on for his solo. Put it on the roster."

Namjoon looks pleased with your decision, his dimples reappearing. "Maybe we should take off the message at the end, though. It might add to the rumors that have been circulating."

"By the time the album comes out, no one will remember me or those stupid rumors," you wave away his concern. "Keep it in. Jinnie left an 'I love you, Army,' message at the end of 'Moon' for the iTunes store. They'll probably think it's for them."

"And you would be okay with that?"

"More than okay." You nod to the computer. "Can—Can we listen to it again? One more time?"

Namjoon is happy to oblige, and the two of you settle in for another listen to Seokjin's last song.

After finishing at the studio, you decide to gather the courage and make the trek back to your apartment. Back home. It's late, and while the dorms might be closer, you know in your heart that it's time to face the music. It's been time for a while, but you've been too afraid of the shadows inside you to do the hard thing.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Namjoon offers, when you tell him your plans to stay at the apartment tonight.

You give the tall man a shoulder pat and shake of your head. "I'm good, Joonie. Thanks, though. You head home. I'll be by first thing in the morning. Tell the boys for me?"

Namjoon nods once, gives you a goodbye hug, and slips something into your hand as he turns to leave. "For you, from Seokjin."

When you open your hand, you mumble a soft "thank you" to the man already walking towards the dorms.

It's a thumb-drive with your name written in Seokjin's sloppy penmanship.

When you arrive at the apartment, passing through the gate and security, it takes all your courage to press the elevator button for your floor. Your heart races in anticipation. You haven't felt this nervous about going home since Seokjin asked you to move in.

But this is an entirely different type of nervousness. You have no idea how you'll feel when those doors open, when you put the key into the doorknob, when you enter the last place Seokjin and you slept side by side. Will you feel empty inside without him there, like it did right after he left? Or will you feel comfort from being around his things, like you feel around Yoongi's?

Only one way to know. With a burst of bravery, you step from the elevator, march up to your apartment door, and push inside.

The entrance corridor is dark, and the entire place is silent. You're used to music being on when you enter. If you're not playing something when you walk in, Seokjin has his playlist going in the background. And it's almost never dark. Even when no one is home, your silly boyfriend likes to leave some smaller lights on so that he wouldn't get scared. A smile graces your face at the memory.

Flicking the light switch, the entire space is illuminated with a soft, golden glow. With intrepid determination, you make your way to the kitchen, stepping over a pile of postage that's been slid under your door over the past few weeks. You put a kettle of water on the stove top. You take deep breaths, allowing the area around you to settle in your mind. Tea will help; tea always helps.

As the water comes to a boil, you tip-toe down the hallway to the master bedroom. It's exactly how you left it. Clothes are strewn across the furniture as you packed in a hurry. Those first few days after Seokjin and Yoongi left were the worst, and after the second, you knew you couldn't stay there any longer. You packed what you could find and fled to the safety of the dorms. While you could feel Seokjin everywhere, there was no place you felt him more than the bedroom you shared.

He's everywhere. In the clothing that has overtaken your closet, in the Mario knickknacks along the dresser, in the scent of air freshener that he adores, in the plethora of skincare and hair care products that he uses, even in the choice of bedding (he loves one particular kind of sheets that make everything cool on warm nights.) His smell, his belongings, him.

Seokjin is still everywhere, but this time you take it in with ease. This time, it doesn't hurt as much. This time, it gives you a little bit of peace.

As you feel the silence start to creep up on you, you take the thumb drive, plug it into your laptop, and play the only file in storage. Seokjin's voice fills the void, ever-present and comforting in your time of need. Even in the military, he's making sure you're cared for and feeling loved.

The warm feeling floods through you as you change into one of his baby pink sweaters, discarding the emotions and stress of the day along with your clothes. You make your tea, curl up in bed, and let Seokjin sing you to sleep.

It's the first night of dreamless sleep you've had since he left.

Early the next morning, as you're getting ready to head to the boys' dorms, there's a knock on your door. A small envelope is slid under your door, the usual way small post is delivered to each apartment by the attendant in the lobby. You pick it up, noticing the seal of the South Korean military on the face.

Seokjin. Your heart flutters when you realize this might be from him.

With hurried fingers, you tear open the parchment and reveal a neatly typed letter inside. Your eyes begin to take in what it says, never more happy to see an actual paper letter in your life.

Jagiya,

Please don't laugh at my lame attempt at a love letter. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call or text you, but we're not allowed those privileges for another few months. So, instead, I'm stuck typing everything out to send you the old-fashioned way. Make fun of me all you want when I get back.

Everything has been going well at basic training. Yoongi and I have been able to stick together since we're in the same training facility. We will graduate soon and be sent to our assigned units, more than likely splitting up. I'm hoping for a more lenient one closer to Seoul, that way my personal days can be spent in the city with you and the boys, but that's out of my control. I don't want you to worry! Both Yoongi and I are keeping our spirits up, and I hope you are doing the same.

Give my love and annoying hugs to the members. Tell my parents and hyung that I love them, too. They only let me send one damn letter, so it had to be to you. But I'll never hear the end of it if I don't at least mention the boys. You know how they can get.

Yoongi is going to write to you soon, and his letter should come shortly after mine. Knowing him, it will be much more poetic than mine. But at least I beat him to the finish line!

Please take care of yourself. Write me back, and I'll try to respond as quickly as I can.

I love you and miss you more every day, [Y/n]. Just promise me you won't find some other loser to date while I'm away! I'm still worldwide handsome, you know, even in the military.

Forever yours,

Seokjin

P.S. I hope you enjoyed your song ♡

Taglist — @joyful-jimin

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shinygoku · 3 years

Text

Thunderbirds (2004)

A review by me, CutCat! This is 8-ish pages long!

Spoiler for the end of the film warning: Alan is in International Rescue. What a twist!

Totally Turbulent

Soooo, Tbirds ‘04 is one of those Infamous Adaptations, at least among those who enjoyed Thunderbirds (’65) and of more recent times, Thunderbirds are Go (’15). It’s one of those Bad Live Action Adaptations to a near sacred property, making it dubious contemporaries with Dragon Ball [Evolution], Avatar [The Last Airbender] and suchlike.

But wait, is it really That Bad?? Why is it as divisive as it is? What caused the film to be the way it is, and quite unpopular at that?

First I’m gonna make a long story very short by saying that a Live Action Thunderbirds movie was on and off production for many years, and that the script we ended up with is apparently better than another one that was pitched... but there are reports of cooler scripts further back that never made it, for various reasons. It’s almost a story of it’s own right but I’m only going by 2nd hand information at best, so I’d rather just link them at the end for Additional Reading if y’all felt so inclined.

With that out of the way, we have the Takes from the Andersons to look at. Sylvia had a very favourable reception to it:

"I felt that I'd been on a wonderful Thunderbirds adventure. You, the fans, will I'm sure, appreciate the sensitive adaptation and I'm personally thrilled that the production team have paid us the great compliment of bringing to life our original concept for the big screen. If we had made it ourselves (and we have had over 30 years to do it!) we could not have improved on this new version. It is a great tribute to the original creative team who inspired the movie all those years ago. It was a personal thrill for me to see my characters come to life on the big screen."

Whereas Gerry had a considerably blunter response at the opposite end of the scale:

"the biggest load of crap I have ever seen in my entire life."

As for me, a mere fan of predominantly the TAG series with limited but fond memories of the 90’s TOS reruns, I’d been inclined to ignore it and write it off as a DBE or TLA lost cause. But the combined effect of me deciding to check out unpopular media for myself, namely Dragon Ball GT and the live action Super Mario Bros. movie, and thoroughly enjoying both; and the other effect of TAG finishing but my fixation reawakening with the need to consume More, I dived deeper into the fan base than I had dared to before, in which I found more reasons to watch it and make up my own mind fairly.

Find out what I thought, and a review of the movie itself, below the Cut! ✂

Stormy Story

Ok, enough teasing, I see good things in the movie but not enough for it to be a secret masterpiece, not by a long shot.

1/3 Stars from Me. That’s Poor. (Compare with 2/3 being Good, and 3/3 being Excellent)

My main beef is unfortunately kinda the crux of the whole story, so while there were aspects I really liked, it had permanently set the bar low, and other issues were not helping matters. I’ll go into the problems after I sum up the plot.

[sitcom harp music]

14 Year Old Alan Tracy is stuck in a stuffy school with only his nerd friend to confide in. Something’s eating him up, and it’s jealousy over how his family are International Rescue, the secret rescue workers whole pilot the Thunderbirds, impossibly cool craft with capabilities vastly exceeding standard technology. Even when he’s allowed out of school and back to the Island, his envy and barely repressed resentment over not being a member himself causes him to go off and sulk and to try taking Thunderbird 1, the hypersonic jet plane, for a joyride.

His father and the leader of International Rescue, Jeff Tracy chews Alan out for almost compromising the need for the organisation to remain secret, lest their advanced technology falling into the wrong hands. Alas, said wrong hands are already working against IR: The Hood, a diabolical, cold blooded criminal with psychic powers and a grudge against Jeff. After successfully tracking the location of Tracy Island, he launches a missile towards Thunderbird 5, the Space Station where IR monitor potential disasters to prevent as much damage as possible, manned by John Tracy.

With TB5 crippled and John injured, Jeff and his other three older sons all scramble to the disaster zone via Thunderbird 3, the Rocket Ship. But with Tracy Island largely unmanned, The Hood moves in and aims to use the Thunderbirds to rob bank vaults while simultaneously smearing International Rescue’s good name. As the only Tracy brother left on Earth, it’s up to Alan and his 2 friends, Fermat and Tin-Tin, to foil the Hood and save his family, proving himself worthy in the process. He is also assisted by IR’s London Agent, Lady Penelope, and her driver/butler/lockpicker, Parker.

...

Ok, so that’s a summary you may read on the back of a DVD box, maybe it’s a bit long but whatever. Do you see what’s wrong with the story? The massive rift in the formula that should be within a template set by the hugely popular TV Series?

Critical Crux

For me, the main issue with the movie is that the Tracy family are thrown under a bus, or perhaps it’s more like being locked in a closet, in order for Alan to rise up and be The Hero. A show that was about each of them having different roles and personalities to the others, and the movie sees the best way to adapt the premise is to reduce 3 of them to cardboard cutouts who aren’t allowed to do or say anything meaningful, with the exception to this getting the dubious honour of getting a missile and exploding space station to the face.

I can’t clearly express how much this pisses me off! It’s downright insulting and baffling as well. They had pre established characters right there for the taking but go NO! Let’s make OCs to fill this newly created void instead and make the main Message of the film Friendship Teamwork.

Why does every child-skewed media hafta have the Friendship message? It’s a good one, sure, but nothing said in this film about it was fresh or original. Y’know what I see far, far less? Not just in Kid Flavoured Media, but all sorts? The importance of Brotherly Bonds between actual brothers!! I don’t subscribe to the massively misunderstood message version of ‘Blood is thicker than water’, but a story with the siblings actually pushed and stressed and coming out stronger at the end would have ruled!!

[For what it’s worth, the actual saying is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”, i.e. the bonds you choose to forge are more important than happening to be born to certain people. This correct message is still compatible with literal siblings though!]

The other, somewhat lesser Large Issue with the movie is simply that we don’t see much in the way of Rescues with the titular Thunderbirds. We only get the tail end of the Oil Rig in Act 1, and then the ‘Birds are used predominantly to get to London and save 1 Monorail Car with TB4.

Watsonian Woes & Doylist Dilemma

When looking at Media, there’s 2 main angles to consider; Doylist and Watsonian. Doylist is the “real life / meta” angle, the structure of the story or interests of the author being in the plot, that kinda thing. Watsonian is the reason given within the story.

All stories have Watsonian and Doylist reasonings, the trick is to blend them in and not use a weedy Watsonian reason for something stupid happening.

Why bring this up? Because it’s still part of the Huge Problem I have with the film; the Doylist reason for all of IR being incapacitated so easily is so Alan can shine without fighting for focus in a large group. I don’t like it, but let’s go along with it for now.

Believe it or not, but I can accept that a Movie format isn’t going to be the same as an ongoing series. There’s way less time and you gotta hit certain beats. Ideally you also condense the essence of the show into the film while being more than just a long episode. They didn’t hit this note in my opinion...

But other than ‘It has to happen for he story to work’, there’s no damn reason for all the Non-Alan Tracys to be cooped up in the crippled TB5! They put all their eggs into one basket when a considerably more sensible choice woulda been to have a small crew, and the others remain on base. Because even without factoring in a worst case scenario where another missile hits them while in space, killing them all, which totally could have happened for all they know, there’s also the part about them being International Rescue! They gotta be ready to respond to other disasters should those develop. TB1, 2 and 4 were still available for use!

If I was Jeff making the boneheaded decision, I would have taken a second to think about it and have 1 of the Bros come up in 3 with me. Seeing to John shouldn’t be something 4 people are needed for, it would just get more crowded and the oxygen would be used way faster! Considering they all come close to asphyxiating, 2 less people would mean things weren’t so damn close to the wire! (Granted, the movie also has them falling into Earth’s atmosphere and burning up as a hazard, but the whole crew being there doesn’t affect that.)

Jeff! You’re the patriarch and supposedly most experienced dude in the whole movie! Why didja run into that trap with both eyes open? Stressful situation, sure, but in the Rescue Business you need to be able to listen to the cold, clinical angle. You’re risking more of your sons’ lives making such a rash judgement!!

Character Conundrums

This is the part of the review where I begin to really emphasise the differences between TOS and this movie. I’ll hold off TAG for now in the interest of fairness.

The movie is a mixed bag when it comes to the individuals within it. Some have been refreshing updates to stuffy 60′s tropes, but several draw the short straw, feeling even stiffer than their marionette precursors.

Alan - Hoo, boy. The plot follows Alan.... for the third time if you’re factoring in the Supermarionation movies, which was quite the baffling choice as Puppet!Alan is quite the obnoxious jerk. But whatever, new movie, new canon, new Alan. While the Alan of the 60′s was a bizarrely whiny brat of a character considering he was supposed to at least be in his early 20′s this Alan at least makes more sense to be annoying. But yes, he starts off as a sullen jerk with unclearly defined jealousy towards his own brothers and seemingly a lack of grasping the stakes behind International Rescue, viewing being one of the crew as a Cool Job rather than a gruelling, life-risking ordeal. Over the course of the movie (mostly Act 3) he becomes less of a berk and a better team player, even going as far as to save the Hood personally.

Jeff - One of the stronger characters in the movie, even with this poor choice I’ve gone on about already, haha. You get the real impression the job means the world to him, but still secondary to his sons. An update and improvement to the sometimes stodgy and holier-than-thou character from the 60′s, plus his proactive role makes him way less of a backseat driver.

Lady Penelope - Best character and a splendid update to the 60′s Socialite. This Penny is always a delight to see, although her ability to change clothes offscreen sometimes pushes plausibility, haha. She and Jeff also have very natural and endearing chemistry, so for this iteration at least, I’m up for shipping them, something I can’t say for TOS.

Parker - Remarkably true to the beloved puppet version and another highlight. His interplay with Penelope is some of the best dialogue in the whole movie, and was written by Richard Curtis in an uncredited role, or so I’ve read.

The Hood - A shockingly sadistic and cold blooded so-and-so. His Psychic powers have been given a huge boost, and the depths of his spite generates all the tense scenes the movie has to offer. His performance may be the best in the whole film, simultaneously over the top while also completely deadly.

Tin-Tin - Y’know, Tin-Tin is a funny character, in how she’s very different in all versions. I enjoy her in TOS, but her potential as an engineering assistant, mathematician and member of IR are quickly discarded to make her a secretary, which is further demoted to bringing coffee. Ahh, The Sixties! One of her other defining features was the sometimes bickering sexual tension with Alan. Movie!Tin-Tin is still the implied love interest [and the same age] with him, but she’s also an Action Girl extraordinaire, with abilities bordering on metahuman. She can trek through the jungle without slowing down, she can dive underwater for prolonged sequences, and has a variation of her Evil Uncle’s Psychic capabilities, but used for good. Notably, the Kayo of TAG takes significantly more from this Tin-Tin to the original, sadly sans Telekinesis.

Fermat - The only OC I’m gonna dignify with a section here lol. He’s basically mini-Brains, complete with the way he t-ta-tal- -distinctive speech patterns. But yeah, as the hypersmart and nerdy pal, I feel that his role is pretty superfluous, though his performance in the movie got me to soften up, he’s a good kid. Just one who, like, is part of the deal breaking issue I have with the whole film. In a way I think he’d have made a better lead than Alan lmao

Brains - Not much to say here, he’s also a dude in distress for a majority of his screentime. Seems to be older than his TOS self and a bit less subservient to Jeff, but also a father ....or Fermat is his clone. They never make that clear. He’s hit on by the Hood’s Female Scientist and it’s played for comedy, more on that later.

John - In TOS, his role was infamously minimal, as Gerry Anderson took such a strong disliking to the John puppet and the TB5 model that he exiled both into space with a few token shots per episode. So in comparison, this movie is far kinder to John! He has a nice, genuine chat with Jeff, without any mission to initiate said videocall. The movie is also quite mean to John in how he gets bombed by the Hood, his space station in tatters, his arm hurt and then near suffocation with Jeff and most of his brothers. Ahh, the conundrum of being John.

Scott, Virgil and Gordon - No, they don’t even get their own paragraphs in my review. Their lack of presence and importance in the movie is my giant gripe (have you noticed yet?) and it got to the extent that I feel they could have been combined into one character to save casting money. They get maybe 5 lines each, if that. I literally can’t tell Scott and Virgil apart (I know they have name tags on their uniforms, but in most scenes I couldn’t even read that) other than knowing 1 of them is taller. Which that one is, is a mystery.

The only one with a slightly distinctive appearance and air is Gordon, which is another can of worms because he seems to be the designated Doubtful Jerk Brother and that drives me mad!! In TOS he wasn’t as main a character as Scott, Virgil or Alan, but he was still a defined person with his own abilities. And his personality was as a slightly mouthy but the most lighthearted character! Why didn’t they carry that over?!

And yeah, Scott and Virgil are pretty much the Main Two of the brothers in TOS, so their roles being reduced to 1 token act during the oil rig rescue each [Gordon didn’t even get that!] is all the more mind boggling.

Hood’s Minions - Can’t be assed to write their names out, I refer to them as Heavy Dude and Science Woman. Heavy Dude is the Heavy, and his character consists of Dumb and somewhat Sadistic Muscle. Science Woman is first objectified (we see her ass first. Yes, really.) but then it’s ‘revealed’ that as she has Austin Powers level teeth, she’s uuuuuglyyyyy and her otherwise genuine attraction towards Brains is played for laughs with this angle. And that’s still female on male sexual harassment, which doesn’t fly with me. Eeeesh. Bad writing! She does Science Things for Hood.

The Rest - Kyrano and his wife are in this. Wife is Original but basically Grandma’s role, though she doesn’t even get a single word to say. Rip. Also the Hood has a few more generic mooks from somewhere, but seemingly only for part of the movie. Kyrano didn’t do much in the show except get bullied by the Hood and little has changed.

Tone Trouble

I feel like the movie has a bit of an issue with balancing a consistent Tone. Again, let’s look back at TOS. It was a Family Show, designed to not just appeal to little kids, but to also keep their parent and other adult amused. Maybe some of it was also the result of the times, but striking to me is that they allowed the characters to get pretty hurt, complete with red paint being applied to look like realistic blood. Some of the criminals, including the Hood himself, would be very vicious, how he treats Brains in Desperate Intruder comes to mind. There was even firefights resulting in death, like the memorable climax of Operation Crash-Dive, where Gordon has to shoot a saboteur in the back, into the open sea below the compromised plane. He then proceeds to hold the cut wires together with his bare hands. Don’t try this at home, kids!

So while I can understand some of that being removed from the Movie (and TAG), there’s still the irritating going down to a perceived kid’s level for the majority of the film, which is probably also a large reason for the massive structural change. But then, there’s shockingly dark implications here and there, and the haunting sight of the crew trapped on TB5 floating lifelessly in the dark, asphyxiating. But then, again, we have goofy choreographed fight scenes with juvenile stock cartoon sounds. And then, we have Hood force choking Alan?! It has been mostly consistent until Act 3, then the tone goes up and down more than the flying machines.

Revamped Rockets

I’m mostly talking about the main craft here, though I know the Pod vehicles got modified too, I’m not sufficiently a TOS Pod Buff to go over them.

TB1 - Looks real nice! Maintains and even enhances the sleekness, and the idea of a glass cockpit is much better than having 1 tiny window and a dinky TV screen to see by. Oddly dark inside the cockpit considering how much glass there is, though. Probably my fav of the Movie Fleet.

TB2 - Oof. Looks bad, man. Like, really ugly. What have they done to the glorious design that was the Original Big Green? The unofficial mascot from her importance and unorthodox style? They turned her into a stubby, too glossy, chunky bar of green soap. The thick ass legs are a good idea but it sure ain’t enough. Also, she carries 3 smaller pods insteada 1 big one.

TB3 - Like TB1, pretty much the same design but streamlined a little. Docks with 5 sidewise instead of like pen going into its lid.

TB4 - I’m mixed. I like the idea of giving her a glass canopy and extendable arms, but the movie’s version is so boxy she looks more like a small yellow Greenhouse with the rear half of the old Four, haha. The arms also look a little stiff, can they bend? Now, if there was a sleek, glass hulled, variable armed, demolition charges-loaded Four, that would be my favourite possible version ;3 Four is my fav craft in TOS and TAG, for what it’s worth.

TB5 - I say it’s quite a visual improvement over TOS and the odds and ends jumbled look that had, though I do appreciate a bit of Chunkiness. This one really needs to have better defence too, TOS 5 may’ve been able to tank that missile lmao

FAB1 - I know that she would have been a Rolls Royce in the film, but BMW said no, so that’s not a point against the movie. And failing the classic image, it’s cute that it’s a Ford Thunderbird, though I’d have preferred one with those 50′s/60′s stylish fins personally lol. Her ability to fly is new here unless you count the Dream Sequence in Are Go (’66) and the water mode was also seen in that before this, and she gets the job done, though we don’t get to see as many gadgets and gizmos in the course of the film.

Unlikely Uniforms

I really don’t understand these. Why are they off white with minimal accent colours? What was wrong with the blueness of their suits and the broad stripe of a secondary colour? I sure ain’t saying the 60’s costumes were practical or even that fashionable, but they were very distinctive and striking!

Not only that, but for some strange unexplained reason, their uniforms all correspond not to their own speciality, but to which craft they’re currently piloting. Even if they’re all in the same Bird...! So like, four out of five are wearing identical looking red accented suits while locked in TB5. I already find the elder brothers to be the Similar Squad, and their microscopic name tags don’t help!

Why don’t they wear their own coloured uniforms all the time? Then ya don’t need the name tag at all! And the silly implication from the way there’s apparently a whole set of Craft Specific uniforms is that there’s piles of clothes that ain’t getting used in all of them, like the tiny TB4 probably having 6 whole sets on board at the end of the film.

Between that, no blue and the outfits looking like Generic Sports Wear, the only nice thing to say is the THUNDERBIRDS down the sleeve is a cool touch. Which should really say International Rescue or IR...

Mingled Misc.

Yeah, The conflation of Thunderbirds and International Rescue is a tad irritating but it’s actually something I can overlook. It’s not a dealbreaker and it makes sense the Dumbass Public would misunderstand and call them the wrong thing.

Jeff refuses Alan early access into IR and cites “No shortcuts”. Then at the end he echoes this when he is making Alan an official member, saying he did it with no shortcuts. The whole faffing scenario was a giant shortcut!!! Fuck training and being a suitable age, am I right?!

Amazingly I didn’t cover this already, but when Alan shortcuts his way onto the team he’s made pilot of ... TB4. That’s why he’s in yellow accents in the pic. Gordon is seemingly the main pilot of TB3 instead, but the movie doesn’t deign to make that clear. While I appreciate that the 14 year old with no Astronaut training isn’t put in charge of 3 instantly, I resent the careless removal of characterisation. Obviously movie Gordon never served with WASP or won the gold medal in swimming or had a massive hydrofoil crash to nearly kill him but ggggghgggaaahhhhhhhhh

Also what’s with the implication that Four is the Babby’s First Machine? She’s a highly specialised craft that would require different training to flying or Space shit! How dare you?! The most charitable link is that Alan stood around in 4 as Tin-Tin did most of the work herself, but I guess it coulda as some level of experience.

Ford Sponsorship - Gets a bit much! It’s one thing for all the cars to be Ford, but them seemingly owning the News is like an unpleasant look into a world where corporations run everything.... hahahaahaaaaaa........

Marvellous Music

Something the movie really excells at is the tunes! The remix of the Thunderbirds March is good in it’s own right and very welcome, and the new music is all solid. Special mention to Busted’s outro song for slapping so hard even people who hate the movie leave warm youtube comments about the song. I have a habit of listening to it set to TAG footage myself, haha

Sincere Summation

Look, I’ve come off negative in this, but I honestly have a lot of respect for a lot of the parts of this picture. Hood, Penelope, Parker and Jeff are fantastic, the physical models and sets have a lot of care and loving detail poured in, the music is all bangers and other little nods and homages to the show shine brightly. The director got a lot of good work in and I hold him no ill will.

I think the problem is in the Writing and probably Studio Mandates, I’m not 100% sure, but things often get snaggy when the studio you’re working under gets bought out by a bigger company partway through. Again, I’ll refer to the info I’ve seen instead of trying to relay it in my own words.

And they made a real bad call snubbing Gerry as a Creative Consultant. Some of his venom towards the film may be from that, as well as his alleged preference to Team America: World Police as a theatrical homage. And I’ve seen that before and wouldn’t really say that’s true to the spirit of Thunderbirds, but yeah...

I’d be interested in any future Thunderbirds Movies, if that’s ever on the cards again. I’d probably be even more up for continuation of the TAG series, or newer new Captain Scarlet with International Rescue involved. Either way, I want new footage of the Birds taking off again, be it puppet, people, CGI, or something new~

Extra Reading

https://securityhazard.net/2017/05/19/thunderbirds-2004/ Full movie review, warm reception. Contains photos of set pieces and costumes.

http://groovyfokker.blogspot.com/2013/02/thunderbirds-arent-go-unfilmed-versions.html Insight into some of the past issues developing a Movie, but gets some basic information wrong (Since when is Gordon the youngest and TB3 orange??)

Thanks if ya’ve been reading the whole thing! <3

#Thunderbirds 2004 #Thunderbirds #Thunderbirds TOS #Thunderbirds Movie #Movie Review #can't really tag it with TAG because I deliberately kept that minimal lol #I care so much about Tbirds so I had much to say #I hope the links don't mess up it appearing in the tags :v

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har-rison-s · 5 years

Text

heaven: one

call

request: Stan x Reader where they were together back in Derry and kind of forgot about each other after moving away but they always had a void in their lives. And then when Stan is just about to do it after Mikes call his phone rings and it’s you and you’re crying after just getting off the phone with Mike to come to Derry. You both end up going back and seeing each other at the restaurant and you guys just catch up after all these years that passed and old feelings come back.

A/N: Hello. This request is amazing, and the anon should be a writer themselves! This has potential, seriously. I am currently in my favourite coffee house, my clothes are wet, I'm stressed out of my mind about moving and I'm gonna write. I changed the povs, sorry about that, but I needed to. So, I hope I meet your standards with this. As always, I try my best. And, this is long. Happy reading!

main masterlist

IT masterlist

heaven masterlist

next part

warnings: you might get very sad or feel a void inside your chest, I'm sorry about that. Grab a tissue, maybe.

word count: 3.1k

gif credit goes to owner, which isn't me!

my baby ://///

The name Mike Hanlon said to you over the phone brought back so much memories you can't remember forgetting. He said many names, but one caught your ear best. They were all names of your childhood best friends, all meant the greatest deal to you. The meaning lasted until you moved out of Derry, and forgot each of their names, stories and significance to you. Including Stanley Uris.

And you knew then exactly what was missing through your whole life. That one person who holds a whole world inside of him, a whole little universe. He was always the tug backwards, the something that discouraged you from making any big decision, that one thing you always saved all the good stuff for. All precious experiences, usable polaroid film, your life-long savings, your best dresses and blouses and skirts, your empty sketchbooks.

Now it was crystal clear who you were saving it all for. This person you thought you'd save everything that was ever dear and worth saving for. This person you didn't know most of your life, you had forgot knowing. Stanley. Bird boy. The Rabbi's son. Your classmate, your friend. Your best friend.

And, alas, the boy you liked as a little girl, and as a teenager. Truth be told, if you'd never moved away after high school, the feelings would have progressed and continued on, they would only be stronger than ever. But you wouldn't know. Nor you, nor Stanley wouldn't know how your lives would turn out if you'd both stayed in Derry.

His moving away was a huge heartbreak for you both. The teenage couple everyone loved, including their best friends, parents and even teachers. The day was the most despised of all days by you, by Stanley. He hated leaving you, but it was not his choice, but his parents. And “...as long as you live under my roof, as long as you are my son, you obey my wishes!”. What an unpleasant man his father was. You had always been afraid of him, never dared to breath more than needed in his presence. And staying in Derry wasn't your choice, either. It was your parents' idea and decision. They wouldn't let you go because of Stanley.

That was the last day you saw Stanley Uris. Your last glance at him was through tears, Stan was waving at you through the car window, his own tears streaming down his face. He didn't want his last appearance in your mind to be a sad one, but he couldn't hide his feelings. He wanted you to see him smile at the last second. But he just couldn't move his lips to smile.

He had kissed you good-bye many, many times, telling you each kiss was the last so you'd have less to long for. It didn't work, of course. Tearful kisses, they were. Promises of meeting each other soon, promises of running away together then and there. Remembering the best moments together, the funniest moments together. You were tied together like two vines that usually decorate forgotten houses or fences, inseperable at your last moments together.

You promised Mike to return to Derry, Maine, tomorrow. You weren't sure of your decision, but you knew you made an oath. You remembered it, Mike helped you to. You remembered how big of a mile-stone it was in your life. The day at Neibolt and the oath made in the meadow by the river was life-changing. It meant more to you than anything you had promised or decided in your life, before and after. That's why you had to go back.

Ending the call, you burst into tears, and almost dropped your device on the floor. Your hands held your head as you collapsed on the sofa with your back first. You wheezed and you cried and practically screamed. All the memories--good and bad--had come back to touch your soul and your heart and your mind. It was an overwhelming feeling. As if you're getting too much information at once, as if you're being slapped in the face with a brick. It's too sudden and it's too much.

You decided you had to call Stan. You texted Mike to send his number, and he did--quite quickly, too. You had to hear the voice of your childhood crush, your best friend. And you were hoping he'd pick up, that you'd hear his voice. That he was actually alive still. Anything might have happened and the fact that Mike has his phone number doesn't mean anything. Stanley Uris could be in any state and situation right now, you could only guess. And you're guessing it's a good one he's in, a happy life, but pessimistic thoughts starting with “what if” invade your mind as well as the good ones do. You're scared.

Stanley is scared, too. He's scared for his life. He's scared for all their lives. Stanley's most scared of what it means to meet his fears again. He's afraid of what he'll see. Afraid he won't save his friends if they need saving. He's afraid to lose any of them. What happens if he lets them die because he's trapped between his own worst fears? What if he has to watch his friends die?

And Y/N. What if he sees her… No, it's too horrible to think about. He can't bear the thought of losing her. Who knows which time in order it would be now. He's lost her countless times. He's been lost without her his whole life, and only now does he understand she's been the one to fill this empty spot inside him everywhere he goes. The love of his life. His first real love, his first girl.

She has to survive. She has to live further. And Stanley can't risk endangering that. He's going to be the downfall of this whole mission if he goes back. He'll endanger his friends because he can't face his fears, he can't deal with them like he should. He's too afraid.

So he gets in the bath, stark naked, and with only one thing on his mind. He's written the letters to each of his friends already, and it took him a while. But the words to say he always had in his mind, so the only problem was how fast his hand could write them on pieces of paper. Then the envelopes and he was done.

The bath water is comforting and as Stanley lay under it, he can't help but remember the Blood Oath. The look of determination in Bill Denbrough's eyes as he cut Stanley's wrist with a piece of glass. The promise Stanley gave to him with spoken words and with his eyes, and his heart. The promise he thought would shape the rest of his life, but what shaped his whole life was actually what made the Losers Club make their blood oath.

His phone rings again. It alarms Stanley and due to his little jump, the water in the bath moves in sudden waves and spills over the edges. He turns his head towards where his phone, his wedding ring and his clothes lay, the chair in the corner of the bathroom. He sighs and contemplates whether to answer or not to.

Stanley's eyes glance at the blade laying on the side of the bath. It brings terror to his heart and mind. The pain he would cause himself with it. The sight of the blade gives his body a fearful shiver. He looks back at the still ringing phone. Who could be calling him? Mike again? Or someone from work?

He decides to rise from the bath and answer the phone. Stanley almost slips on his way over to the phone, but catches himself before he can. He wraps his dark blue robe around himself and ties the knot, and finally reaches for the phone. His hands are shaking.

It's an unknown number calling. Still calling, might he add. He slides the answer button to the right and lifts the phone to his ear. He's doing the right thing, he tells himself, and tries to convince his fears with the same sentence.

“S-Stanley Uris speaking.” His shiver impacts his voice and he stutters. He waits for the caller to introduce themselves, but he only hears a cry and sobs on the other end. Is this another trick from… IT? Has IT actually called him?

“Stanley?” A feminine voice asks. “Is it really you?” And Stanley knows immediately who it is. It's Y/N. It's her calling him. She's actually on the other end of the phone.

“Yes, yes, this is me.” He confirms and takes a seat on his bathroom floor carpet. He nods with his head, despite that his childhood best friend can't see him right now. “Is this Y/N?”

Y/N nods, too. “It is me, Stan.” She tells him, and there's another cry on her end. “God, I'm so glad to hear your voice. I thought… You know, with all these years that have passed, anything could have happened. Who knows if you were… If any of you would still be here!” Y/N admits to him, and there's even a sad chuckle after her words. Stanley does the same, a small smile on his face despite the dreadful situation he's in.

“God… I don't even know what to say.” Stanley says and pulls his knees closer to his chest. Little does he know, Y/N makes the same pose on her living room couch.

“Me neither.” She replies.

“Well, I could start with don't cry.” Stanley tells her, and it makes both of them mutter a quiet chuckle. Y/N's voice sounds dry, hoarse, and it's only because of her previous and current weeping.

“Did you get the call from Mike?” She asks then, and tears sting her eyes again. Only the thought of her friends and Derry and everything that comes with it can push her to such an emotionally high level… It's hard. It's even hard for her to talk.

“I did.” Stanley says very quietly. The thought of what he was about to do terrifies him now, and it terrified him when he was in the bath. He's still not sure about going back. He's never been this afraid, he thinks, but he could be wrong. “Are you going?” He asks Y/N in a whisper, and the question brings tears out to wet his cheeks and chin. He's so scared to think about going back. Stanley's terrified of the thought of all of them in the sewers again.

Y/N breaks down. Her fingers squeeze her nose and she tries not to cry, pressing her eyes shut tightly. But the tears do come, and the sobs come, too. She cries into the phone, and Stanley can hear the dispair and obvious dislike of the question and the thoughts surrounding it in just her sobs. “We have to.” She says after a short while. She wipes her tears and looks up at her white ceiling, taking a deep breath and breathing out again. “I will go back. We made a promise.” She finally says. A silent prayer that Stanley is coming can be heard in these words from her. She waits for his answer.

Stanley sighs deeply and lets a few tears fall down his cheeks, watching them make darker spots on his robe. He's surrounded by fear. By fear, by doubts, by options, by chances, by memories. And Y/N's voice. Not what she sounds like now. What her voice was like when they were both little. Her giggles, her cheers, her squeals, her voice. The memories make him smile. They shine brightly through the cloud around his mind.

“Stanley?” She now asks, and brings him out of dwelling on the past. It's not all bad, though, and he sees that now. There's still light. There's still hope. Y/N sniffs and looks down at her feet. “Are you still here?” She questions still.

“I'm coming, too.” Stanley finally tells her. He wants to say 'i'm coming, too, then', because it's really only her that he's going back to Derry for. To prevent the risk of losing her, to prevent the risk of IT taking over her life. “Mike said I need to be there tomorrow.” He says. Y/N nods.

“Yeah, he told me that, too.” She says. “I guess I'll… see you then.” She then says. Stanley yearns to tell her 'don't hang up!', but there's the certainty of them meeting in maybe less than twenty-four hours. The thought excites and scares him at the same time. What if something goes wrong and he doesn't make it? What if something happens to Y/N and she doesn't go? “Home.” Y/N mutters.

“Home” Stanley repeats in a whisper. “I--I'm looking forward to it.” Stanley tells her, his head nodding as if a visual confirmation of his words. Y/N's lips can't help but curl into a small grin. He's looking forward to meeting her.

“Me, too.” She tells him in response. “I'm gonna pack now, so I'll see you… tomorrow.” Y/N informs. It still takes a bit of time to process and actually say the words, they seem to describe something unreal. Something out of a dream. Is Y/N sure she's not dreaming now? Maybe she's not talking to Stanley at all… She sure hopes not.

“Yes, yes, of course.” Stanley nods. “Tomorrow.”

Y/N closes her eyes. “Bye, Stanley.” She says and waits for him to say the same.

“Bye-bye, Y/N.” He bids goodbye in the same way he did and has always done. Y/N smiles once recognising it. Her finger presses the red button at the bottom of her phone screen, ending the all, and puts her phone down on the coffee table in front of her. She runs her hands over her face, trying to wipe every trace of a tear off and get some energy into herself. She sighs. This won't be easy.

“Stanley? Honey, what's going on?” Patty asks and she knocks on the Uris' bathroom door for the hundredth time. But Stanley hears her knocks and her questions for the first time and he looks at the door in front of him. “Will you let me in?” His wife asks carefully. She almost asked him 'do you want to let me in?', but that would be silly to ask.

Stanley's eyes immediately fall upon the razor on the tub's edge. He panics. Shit. Where is he gonna put it? Stanley rises to his feet, takes the razor in one hand, walks over to the bathroom window, opens it a tiny slit--very quietly so--and throws the razor out.

With it, gone is his terror and fears. At least for now. That razor was a beacon for all things bad and traumatic and fear-inticing. He breathes a deep breath and puts his phone down on his pile of clothes. He hesitates to put on his ring, staring at it for a while. But then he puts it back on his left ring finger and goes to open the door to face Patty.

He's met with her face twisted by worry and anxiety. Almost tears in her eyes. Stanley offers her a hug when she comes into the bathroom, eyes examining everything they fall upon, and he hugs her tightly, comfortingly.

“Stanley, what's going on? You're acting very strange.” Patty says once she looks at her husband and inspects his face. Her palm touches his cheek, and she notices how he's leaning into her hand a little less than he does usually. That's weird. “Has something happened? Who called you?”

Stanley's eyes are calm, and he takes a breath before he speaks, trying to keep himself content. “An old friend of mine from Derry, Maine. I don't think I've ever told you about him or my other friends… Frankly, I didn't remember so much that I could tell you.” He tells Patty, and she waits for more. “But that's not so important. The thing is, I have to go back there, and I have to go now.” Stanley finally gets to the main part. “There's a thing we have to fix, because we made an oath when we were… younger. And if we don't fix it now, then… No one ever will.”

Patty's face is puzzled, just like Stanley expected. She wonders why her husband is so secretive and runs her thumb over his stubbled cheek once more.

“That's about as much as I can tell you, baby-love.” He tells her and places a kiss on her forehead. “Please trust me.” Stanley begs her when he looks into Patty's eyes again. He's never done that before, except the first time they ever made love, and the begging for trust was not verbal, it was through his eyes. Something's really off.

Patty nods. “I trust you, honey.” She assures him and Stanley gives her a relieved smile. “I can help you with anything you need, but you need to tell me why you were taking a bath.” Patty asks of him. “You rarely take baths so late in the evening.”

Stanley sighs. He really doesn't want to lie to Patty, not after everything. Not while he loves her and not when she promised to trust him. Not when she has trusted him for all this time. But she can't know the truth. It'd be very harmful for her, to say the least. “I needed to put some things in place. Figured a bath would help me do that.” He tells her. It's not exactly a lie, it's a generalisation of what he did.

Patty's eyes still show some sort of reluctance, because she does find his behavior after the call very out-of-the-ordinary. But she lets it go. If there's something her husband needs to do, he will and she won't stop him. It's clearly very important to him, why else would he be acting so strange?

“How long will you be gone for?” Patty asks Stanley as they're both folding clothes he'd take with him back to his hometown.

“I really don't know.” He tells her in response. “But I don't think it'll be more than four to five days. So I…” won't be gone for that long. But he doesn't know that. He can't promise her what he's not sure of. He may even never return. Or, rather, he may not return to her as a husband. No, he mustn't think that way. But what if it happens? He meets Y/N and everything changes. “So I'll call you, okay? I will let you know, whatever happens.” Stanley stops folding and looks at her with a serious look glazing over his brown orbs.

Patty nods. “I trust you, Stanley. Everything will be alright.” She tells him, and even offers him a smile. Stanley returns one and kisses the top of her palm. It still makes Patty blush.

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There will be a part two.

#stan uris x reader #stanley uris x reader #adult!stan uris imagine #adult!stanley uris imagine #adult!stan uris x imagine #adult!stanley uris x reader #adult!stanley uris request #stan uris imagine #stan uris imagines #stanley uris imagines #stanley uris imagine #the losers club x reader #the losers club imagine #the losers club imagines #har-rison-s writes #har-rison-s writings #har-rison-s work

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 4 years

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People get tired of you when you are poor. So many people are poor, poorer than i could even imagine being, poor enough to not be able to eat for days and days or have shoes to wear. It upsets people. It's not exciting. It's economic. It drags people down and decreases their well being overall, but not in a way that people like to really engage in. So when i find myself feeling horrible about how poorly i am doing, I just feel really ungrateful and dumb in the grand spectrum of how life has always been for everyone, and how things are for so many people. I am not exactly living in the worst time in human history. I am also not living with the kind of fear that a bomb may drop on me, or that i will die of some disease. I don't even have any children relying on me. I have a roof over my head, i am not without the bare basics, albeit, the very most bare. But i am kind of falling apart trying to make ends meet, I'm enormously in debt to people who deserve to be paid back and need to be paid back at some point, and i am feeling this sick nauseous feeling constantly whenever i get something i enjoy for myself even if it's just like, a sandwich or a hair tye. I lose sleep over it, because honestly, doing something like that puts me in a financial hole, because truth be told, i absolutely cannot afford to be making those kinds of economic choices for myself. Things are that tight.

People don't understand why i eat so little, or why i don't go out to have drinks or lunch, or why i don't buy new shoes or don't leave my house or get a decent phone, or see a doctor, or just a number of basic things. Honestly, people don't know why i don't smile more often, and it's kind of because i have so few choices right now that i have to live the same day over and over perfectly, or else i won't have enough money to eat for days. Everyone I know makes a lot more money than i do, i watch friends gamble one hundred dollars a night, or drink cocktails or go out to eat or buy new stuff. I can't do those things. If i do, i have to force myself not to eat for a few days. I have to really really pay for that kind of thing later, so it's made it very unworthwhile for me. Telling them i am too poor almost alienates me further, because then they have to feel bad about the contrast of their lives versus mine, so i don't talk about how this poverty thing has been wearing on me. I try to just smile and stay positive, but I feel like i am kind of crumbling into a state of despair. Sometimes i kind of feel like i am choking and I lose touch of my surroundings. I don't talk to anyone about it. There's no use and there are people who are literally sleeping outside in the cold, so what am i even upset about?

I can't really do much to change my economic situation right now, though i do have a longtime plan ultimately. Basically, i worked two years for a company to eventually get into a position where i was able to make good money. It's like, a sought after position essentially. You work two years making very little money, and then you eventually get into a position where you walk out with well over one hundred dollars a night. I was three months into finally having that position and i was finally making good money. I moved out of the place i was living at, which wasn't too great as i was living without a bathroom and had to like, pee outside and stuff. I moved into a really nice place with nicer roommates and i finally had a decent bedroom and bathroom and a respectable living situation closer to where I worked. And just as i was getting my life set up, the location of the place i worked for shut down suddenly and i was without work. I worked years and dealt with a lot of like, abuse in a way to get to that position, and suddenly it was gone, but i had just moved into a place i could now barely afford. I weighed my options and decided to work at this other location where they accepted me but on the terms i would take the lower position, but it put me in a situation where i was making less money than i had been before i even got the good position i had finally achieved. So, i was financially fucked, basically. Furthermore, it was around this time that all the standing i had been doing in order to get the job where i made that kind of money caught up with me, and i now have a permanent condition in my legs where they ache constantly, and i struggle to bend them. If i even move my leg in a bad position at night on accident, a shot of pain hits me. So i am always basically in some kind of pain, and it's kind of affecting my outlook on life. Not at first, but it's starting to wear on me. I am worried that the more i have to walk and stand a day, the worse it's going to get, but at the same time that's the only thing i can do to make money.

I also went through a break up around that time. It's not really over, but it kind of was there for a moment, and that feeling of your favorite person in the world just kind of dropping you is really horrible. I felt worthless, and trying to establish my self worth afterwards, with no real prospects has been really difficult. I can't even afford to be upset about friends or relationships, or more accurately, the lack there of. It's a money issue. Just an all around series of unfortunate things just hit me unexpectedly, and dragged me down after years of working my way up, and i try not to feel defeated by this, but i kind of do. My best friend is also extremely depressed, and if I talk about this, she doesn't really say much. She can't really be there for me right now, our schedules are opposite, such is adult life, and she's dealing with a bunch of stuff of her own, and there isn't even a lot of room for me to vent or anything at her.

If i get a second job it would help, i would be foregoing sleep because i am already working a full time job, and it would be hard to find a job that went well with the hours i have now. It's something i could do technically, but it would give me no time off, and essentially like 5 hours to sleep a night which i am afraid wouldn't be good for my mental health, and might ultimately be worse for me in the long run. I weigh it out quite often. I have an app on my phone that keeps track of all my money, so i am trying very hard to make sure that i cut every corner. I have everything regulated, down to the portion sizes I am allowed to eat and stay in line. It's about 800 calories a day. I feel hungry all the time. I grit my teeth a lot because there is always this tension of wanting to eat. I am kind of dieting, but if i wasn't dieting, this would be as much as i could afford to eat anyway. I kind of excuse it or make the best of it, because i am also kinda chubby, so technically, i rationalize that at least i am losing weight. I've lost about 25 pounds in the last few months. I can probably lose 30 more lbs before i become underweight. It's dumb, and i kinda have to laugh, but even my tummy fat has become some kind of aspect of my economic situation.

I am trying to stay positive. My longterm goal is ultimately to get the old position i had back, i think I am the next in line once an opening comes up, but that could be several several months from now. I don't know what is going to fuel me even having the will to continue. There is this little voice in the back of my head that just kind of wants to give up. I am tired of trying. I feel like it gets nowhere. I really want to stay positive, and not be bitter. But it is I have to admit, a little hard when my leg is always hurting and I am always hungry and can't really like, enjoy anything that doesn't cost anything. Once i am serving again, I will make more than enough money to pay back the money i owe, and also live a better life. Ugh, but i kind of messed up recently too. I spent days where i almost felt dizzy and distant from myself. I ended up spending money i didn't have, just impulsively. It was like i didn't care anymore about anything for just a few days. It's just like i snapped, and now three weeks later, i am stressing because i don't have enough for rent, it's going to have to be late, and I am scrambling and now having to rationalize that in the next coming month, i am going to have to eat even less, certain days i am just not going to be eating at all. It wasn't even a lot. I just bought stuff that a normal person wouldn't think twice about buying, like a new sweater, a pair of earrings, some socks, a few nice meals, but for me it was something i couldn't afford. I don't even have friends really, so i just listen to a ton of podcasts to fill that void. Which isn't friendship, but it keeps my brain busy i guess. I mean, I have a few pals. I have people i write online, but I just feel like it's disappointing to hear about how poor someone is. I don't want to bring other people down.

Lastly, all of this would be a lot better if i had food stamps or assistance, but i make like ten dollars too much for that. I had a SNAP card for a few months which was extremely nice, but they found out i made too much money and they took the benefits away.

So i guess i just decided to write about it here. I will try to stay positive, and make smart choices and all that. Gotta get ready for work. Thanks for reading my sad little economic blog post.

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goodnightkisseu · 5 years

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Time To Heal - Chapter 7

→ pairing: sehun x reader

→ genre: fluff, angst, struggling musician sehun x rich reader

→ word count: 4,054

→ warnings: none

→ summary: you had your life planned out for you ever since you were a little girl. However, when your friend, Baekhyun, takes you with him to his old hangout, you meet someone, someone you were willing to risk your parents’ criticism to be with. His name was Oh Sehun. But, in the end, what you really should have asked yourself, was if Sehun was ready to face your parents…

→ masterlist // exo masterlist // time to heal masterlist

→ [prologue] [ch.1] [ch.2] [ch.3] [ch.4] [ch.5] [ch.6] [ch.7]

→ updates taglist~: @chanyeolol @meryljill-111192 @sehunscutiepie @hi-cupid @lilian235

note: we are coming up on the end of this series! ;A; honestly I’ve fallen back in love with it as I’ve been editing it for all of you to read ;; I hope that you’ll all enjoy this chapter!

Also, please let me know if you would like to be tagged in this story~

- ash <3

Over the last two years, you had run through hundreds of scenarios in your mind. You theorized about seeing Sehun again, about the things that you would say to each other, but nothing quite amounted to what happened when you actually met. It was definitely awkward, and rightfully so in your eyes. It had been years, and there was no way for either of you to grasp the type of pain the other went through. However, seeing each other again didn't feel nearly as bad as you had expected. You had a nice dinner, and Sehun even went out of his way to apologize for his past behavior. That was never something you had planned to hear.

When you told Baekhyun about your encounter with Sehun, your friend was quick to ask how you felt. He knew it had been trying for you, so, for the meeting to take a completely different turn than you had hypothesized, it was likely a shock. And honestly, you weren't sure if you even knew how you felt. Sehun was someone that had broken your heart, and never did you think he'd feel remorse for it. But you could tell that he was aware of his actions, and that felt more in line with the Sehun that you knew. Your feelings towards him at the moment were... complicated.

Yet, as complicated as they were, you weren't going to let them stand in the way of his apparent efforts to make amends. Additionally, you felt like accepting his apology might have been the step that you needed to move on with your life, to keep him from running through your mind. So, after receiving his new number from Baekhyun, you sent a simple message. It read, "Let's put the past behind us and move forward. Good luck with your new single, and I can't wait to hear it!"

In the days that followed, you felt a sense of relief, weight lifted off of your shoulders. It felt like making amends after all of this time was the right move. It felt right to move forward, and that was what you did. Slowly, you found yourself emerging from this space that had only been occupied by you and Baekhyun. You started to go out again, whether you were invited by Baekhyun or your coworkers. You started living that life that you had unknowingly put on hold. The more time you spent with others, the more you felt like a whole person, your own person again. You were able to have fun, to chat with them, to really experience life in the way you wanted to.

And in due time, you even started dating again.

Nothing was ever quite permanent. It had been a long time. You had to rediscover and realize what you were actually looking for in a significant other. Guys came and went, but you never quite clicked with any of them... until Changmin. He was your longest relationship after Sehun, though it only lasted for a little over half a year. The two of you had met during fashion week. Your parents sent you to oversee their part of the show, as they had some other business out of the country. You had met backstage while you were directing some of your models, and he taking pictures of the different lines from each company. Something at that moment just clicked for the both of you.

Coincidentally, Changmin was someone that your parents had been trying to set you up with for years. He ran an editorial company that was well respected across the industry. To your parents, it was a match made in heaven for you and your business. He was a nice man, and his reputation had the possibility of boosting up your family's brand. The potential for both companies to grow together was exponential. Your parents were thrilled.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out. You weren't sure exactly what drove you apart. Everything had been going so well for the two of you... until it wasn't. It could have been the extra hours that you had to put in to get the new line ready for the coming season. It could have been the fact that Changmin was overseas for most of the year, the two of you only meeting up when he was in town. Honestly, you spent so much time apart you wouldn't have been surprised if maybe you fell out of it because he already had someone else. At the end of the day, the relationship came to an end, much to your parents' disappointment.

Admittedly, it was painful losing Changmin. During those periods where the two of you had been inseparable when your relationship was in a good state, you had started to depend on him. With things in Baekhyun's life picking up, Changmin had become your source of comfort in your best friend's absence. Now that he was gone, you felt that emptiness again. It was that same type of void you felt when Sehun exited your life, and like a creature of habit, you threw yourself back into your work. The only difference was that you didn't close yourself off this time. You still went out, had a good time with the people closest to you, but with your career picking up, you decided that there wasn't time for another serious relationship.

Instead, you had to focus on your true passion, your job. And in seemingly no time at all, three years passed.

You had been working hard to learn the ins and outs of the industry, immersing yourself in everything it had to offer. You went to every show, board meeting, and kept your focus on learning how the business was run. With retirement around the corner, your parents very naturally started to give you more control of the company. They were transitioning you into the full-time over and representative in their absence. And though it had been stressful at first, time and patience made it all a bit easier. Everyone that worked at the fashion house gave you time, and for that, you were grateful. You still had a lot to learn, but with your parents' excitement with their newest line, you knew that you had no choice but to make sure that it did well.

Today was filled to the brim with work, much like your schedule had been for the last few months. You were to oversee the photoshoot for the new line, so that morning, bright and early, you drove out to the studio, meeting the rest of your staff in the large open building. You worked with the stylists to organize the clothes in an easy to access manner. You talked with the makeup artists about which looks would suit the different moods and styles of the wardrobe pieces. You coordinated with Jinhee, the lead for this line, making sure that you had each checked off everything on your list. She was in high spirits today, and you couldn't help but chuckle at her eagerness.

The entire time that Jinhee had been working on this line, she had a model in mind that she wanted to represent it. She was never forthcoming with his name, but this was something that you had all grown accustomed to. She didn't want to ruin the surprise for anyone because, to her, the model was such a big part of making the line come together, and she wanted everyone to properly experience that. What she had said about him was that he wasn't a model by trade. He was someone that worked in the entertainment industry and had a knack for photographing well. Many magazines had asked him to be a part of their issue, and each photoshoot turned out better than the last. So, when the model walked arrived, you weren't sure exactly what to expect.

Well, you knew one thing you weren't anticipating. You hadn't suspected that it would be Sehun.

As one of your interns gave him a tour of the set, blushing like mad whenever he would throw her a smile, you couldn't help but realize how strangely life worked. It almost felt like a twisted form of fate to bring the two of you together like this. Even though it was for a work function, it still felt very surreal. You hadn't seen Sehun in years. Life had picked up so quickly that the last time the two of you met up was about a month after you reunited at his concert. But it wasn't just you that got busy. It was also Sehun.

From what the news and Baekhyun told you, the single that Sehun had mentioned was in the works when the two of you last met was the one that shot them to stardom. It didn't make waves on its initial release, but the more that people heard it, the more interest the band garnered. Within a month, the song topped the charts for multiple weeks on end, a feat that had been difficult for many artists in recent years. Sehun and the band started to get more recognition. They ended up doing lots of interviews and television appearances. Their schedule got so packed that even Baekhyun had a hard time meeting up with them. The two of you lamented about how the job of a celebrity must have been hard. Still, you knew that, no matter what, Sehun would always keep in contact with Baekhyun, even if it was just a simple text.

You would also send Sehun a message from time to time, though you rarely expected an answer, unlike your friend. Granted, your words were usually congratulatory, messages of excitement when a new album or tour was announced. Sehun's answers in reply were always rather simple, typically a 'thank you' or something along those lines. He would do the same for you, mostly if he saw good things about your company in the headlines, about how innovative it was or how well it was doing. The two of you would sometimes chat after that, filling the void, but it never got personal. It was strange to think that, at one point, you were in love.

But now, you were just acquaintances. Ones that would check in on each other from time to time. It definitely made Baekhyun's life easier, not having to dance around when he talked about the two of you. Still, there was something rather... bittersweet about it.

You had been so busy running around, making sure that everything was in place, that you didn't get a chance to properly greet Sehun at first. It wasn't until your intern brought him over to meet the team that the two of you finally met. Everyone happily greeted him, lamenting on his handsome features. You knew that he couldn't show it, but the way that his eyes locked on your own, you knew that he was surprised to see you. Still, he politely greeted everyone, and you did the same, inviting him to sit and relax for a bit while you worked with the team on the finishing touches.

Overall, the photoshoot went rather well. It was outfit after outfit, lighting change after lighting change, and makeup touchups, but every time you studied the monitor or watched the live shoot in front of you, you had to admit that Jinhee was right. Sehun really did fit this type of styling. Granted, you were sure that Sehun could pull off anything, as he was the type that always made what he wore seem comfortable and fitting to him, this particular set of colors, combined with this strong features, completed the look. He really suited the vibe that the higherups were looking for from this line, and you were relieved. The slight awkwardness for you was well worth the results, in your opinion.

As everyone prepared for the next set of outfits, your eyes wandered around, making sure that everything was proceeding as expected. Your eyes eventually landed on one of your stylists as she helped Sehun into his next outfit. Yet, something about it felt... off. Slowly, you left your spot behind the monitors and approached them, the issue catching your eye immediately.

"Hyerin, this type of shirt doesn't lie quite like that," you told her, the young woman jumping slightly when she heard your voice. You apologized for scaring her before you proceeded to direct her on how to adjust the fabric. However, instead of doing what you suggested, she moved out of the way instead, leaving you to pick up the material and fix it yourself. Though, as you worked, you never focused on the person in front of you, only on the clothes.

"It's more like this," you told her, demonstrating how the cloth should lie. "The style is more open, so you want to make sure that it sits comfortably on the model's shoulders," you instructed. You saw Hyerin nod, thanking you before she excused herself to get the next outfit ready. You continued to fiddle with the fabric for a bit longer, making sure that it suited the style you were looking for. Once you finished, you turned to head back to the monitors, when the male in front of you finally spoke.

"I didn't expect to see you today. I had no idea that you were directing photoshoots now," Sehun stated. His words managed to stop you from walking away, and inwardly he was glad. This was the first time in years that you were in front of him again, and everything in his being told him to keep you there, to keep you talking.

"Well, I've been promoted a couple of times since we last met up. The upside is that I have more say in everything now. The obvious downside is the responsibilities and the lack of sleep," you joked, wanting to keep it light between the two of you. Yet, you also knew that you needed to address the obvious elephant in the room, as well. "By the way, I'm sorry if this is a bit uncomfortable for you. Jinhee never disclosed the name of the model she wanted for this photoshoot. I never would have known that you would be the one to show up, or else I would have asked for someone else to direct..."

Gently, Sehun shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm actually not uncomfortable at all. We did decide to put all of that behind us, didn't we?" he inquired, seeing that small smile cross your features as you gave him a nod. "Actually, if I'm, to be honest, I'm glad you're here. It's good to see you, and your presence has helped to ease my nerves..."

At that moment, you dared to look up at him, your eyes looking into his, getting lost in those gentle dark orbs you used to love so much. As much as you were a source of calm for Sehun, he had been the same for you. Honestly, no photoshoot you had ever directed had gone as smoothly as today's had, and though you didn't want to admit it at first, Sehun definitely was a factor in it.

"It's nice to see you as well," you told him earnestly. There was more that you wanted to say, but when the photographer announcing that he was ready for the next set of shots, it cut you off before you could. "Keep up the good work, okay?" you told him, before running back to your previous position, picking up your things and getting right back to work.

"I... I missed you..." Sehun murmured to himself, the words that he wanted to speak to you directly, but wasn't able to. It annoyed him that he didn't just say them, but he knew that there were other things to focus on at the moment, and that was not one fo them. Instead, he moved back under the bright lights, going straight to work, in front of the cameras that he had grown accustomed to.

After the two of you met up again, having made amends for the past, it became painfully apparent to Sehun that he missed having you in his life. At first, he had thought it was just a fleeting feeling, a strong sense of nostalgia at your presence, but as the weeks and then months passed, he knew it was more than that. There were days, after long hours of practice that he longed for your comforting and supportive aura, that presence that used to calm him when things were difficult. He missed that beautiful smile you would give him and the way it would light up the room around you. He missed your encouraging words, the ones that would lift his spirits and make the days more comfortable. Sehun knew that all of these small things, these things that he used to love about you, were things that he wanted in his life again.

For a long time, he told himself that they were things that he could no longer have. He convinced himself that he had broken the relationship beyond repair. Instead, he found solace in your little congratulatory messages and the light conversation that would follow. Yet, he wanted more. He craved for more conversation, for more interactions, and eventually, he threw his pride aside and asked Baekhyun about how you were doing. What he hadn't expected his friend to tell him was that you moved on, that you had started to date again.

It wasn't something that surprised Sehun, and he knew that it was bound to happen. He wanted you to be happy to find someone that made you happy. It just pained him that he might not be able to be that person for you anymore. He found himself interacting with you less, trying to still the pain of his own heart. Work became his best distraction, and he stopped hoping that anything would change between the two of you.

Seeing you today, though it was a surprise, also brought some of those feelings to the surface again. Sehun knew where he was, and that, as professionals, you both had a job to do. But still... he wondered... if maybe...

The remainder of the shoot went smoothly. There weren't too many lighting changes or even makeup changes for the rest of the day. A majority of it was just getting Sehun in and out of the remaining outfits, something that the stylists could handle on their own. You continued to monitor from a distance, only piping up if something felt off. In the early evening was when the photoshoot finally came to an end. You thanked everyone for all of their hard work in making this line look and feel as amazing as it did before you all started to pack up for the day. You helped sort through the clothes, making sure that they were put in the correct boxes while your photographer and his team packed away all of their lights.

As people shuffled around the noise level at its highest for the day, you almost didn't notice the older man approaching you. It was Sehun's manager, and the moment that he got your attention, he asked if you would have a minute to speak with Sehun later. It seemed like your old acquaintance wanted to see you. In turn, you asked if it would be possible to meet with Sehun after your staff had left, and the man agreed, going to relay the information to his charge.

Once everything was accounted for and neatly stowed away, you helped your team move everything out to the vans that were parked outside. They informed you that they would be able to get everything back to the studio on their own, and you thanked them. When all of the cars were gone, you made your way back into the building, the space larger now that it was emptied out. You heard the sound of footsteps approaching the room as a familiar and tall figure entered, giving you a small wave. Sehun arrived without his manager in tow, and you could only imagine that he was downstairs, waiting for the artist.

"So, why did you want to talk to me in private?" you asked softly.

"I figured that you wouldn't want the people you worked with to gossip, so I thought this would be better. It is a private matter at all, between us," he replied, seeing you gently nod. Both of you were aware of the damage that could be done if rumors started flying. You may have been in a relationship before, but it wasn't well-known by anyone. Something like that coming out could be detrimental to both him and you... mainly if people went digging for information.

Still, now that he was given this time alone with you, he wasn't too sure how to proceed. What were the proper words to use in this situation? Maybe, he just needed to say it. "Earlier... I wanted to say that I missed you."

Everything that Sehun had to say lately felt like it surprised you, though you tried not to let it read on your features. There was a time when you had also missed his presence. Over the years, you decided not to depend on that old feeling too much. You had tried to move on, but you couldn't deny that he had been a big part of your life, and that, sometimes, you would miss him too. You just never thought that he'd admit that, given how things had gone before.

"I... I feel the same sometimes," you confessed, seeing that bit of surprise flicker across his features.

"I guess... I guess that's a natural feeling for both of us. That sometimes, it could be weird not having the other around," he explained, watching you nod. "It feels like something is... missing, right?"

You nodded. Sehun was hitting the nail right on the head, but you weren't entirely sure where he was going with this, and you wanted to know. You wanted him to make a move.

"I know that we can't be who we were before, but I miss your companionship. We said we would make amends, and we've started to, but I would like to try harder. I would like for us to be able to confide in each other again. I know that pain doesn't expire, and I'm not saying that we just throw all of that out the window, but I... I miss having you around as a friend. The guys are great, but they don't understand me like you do..."

It was apparent from his words that Sehun shared your sentiments. You, too, had missed the comfort and safety that he used to provide for you. Before, it wasn't just Baekhyun that you could run to, but Sehun too. Often, you would even feel more comfortable speaking to Sehun about things than Baekhyun. Maybe having that back... it would be nice. It was better than hiding those troubles away from the world.

"It's going to be strange and awkward, you know. Going back to being friends... there's obvious damage that's been done," you pointed out.

"I'm well aware. But I think, because we're aware of it, we won't try to push it if it doesn't feel right," Sehun added. "Plus, don't you think it would make Baek happy? You know, getting to spend time with the both of us, and not having to have split custody?"

You scoffed. "You know how I feel about Baek, Sehun. I have a soft spot for him. You can't go using him against me..."

"Unfortunately, Baek is the only card I have to play. After all, you're his ride or die," he teased, a gentle smile lining his features.

The silence grew between the two of you, and you were the first to speak up after giving it some thought. "Then let's give it a try. For old time's sake."

With that confirmation, Sehun gave you a small nod and a smile. As he saw you off that night, Sehun felt the void in his heart filled. Though he didn't know how to express it, having you back in his life, even as a friend, made him whole again...

#oh sehun #sehun #exo #exo scenarios #kwritersworldnet #exo fiction #exo fanfic #exo imagines #sehun scenarios #sehun imagines #kpop scenarios #goodnightkisseu series #gnks: time to heal

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ashlip-arts · 4 years

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1. If waking up is the only thing you can do, worry not.

Do not feel sorry if you’re feeling lazy today or you don't feel like accomplishing anything, there’s still tomorrow. And in today's time, what matters more is you wake up because it's a sign that God has given you another shot in life. You have your own pace to do everything you need as long as there’s a goal in your mind.

2. People will come into your life unexpectedly.

Some people will drop by your life and will make a big impact on your life. They may be people who are strangers to you, but as the quarantine extends for a few more months, they become someone who'll make you smile. You shared the ups and downs of each other's lives, the incomparable laughter shared, and for once, once this is all over, you decided to meet up and that’s okay. Cherish the moments and experiences throughout your journey with every person because someday, in those ordinary days of your life, you'll remember the people who gave you so much lesson and made you grow as a person.

3. Personal health must come first before academics.

Never pressure yourself to complete your academic requirements. Education is important, but so does health, and whenever you feel like doing nothing and you’re feeling off, you can stop what you’re doing. I know time is very precious, but for once, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that it's okay to calm down and relax.

4. Your family will always be your strongest companions.

Nothing in the world can replace your family, even though sometimes it doesn’t have your best interest in mind. There will be times when you guys are untiringly arguing about the little things, but you have to believe that it’s normal for family members to argue sometimes. And trust me, that won't change the fact that they still want the best for you and will be supporting you no matter what. They still love you even though you're being too hard on yourself and you're having a hard time loving your entirety. Even though your family can hurt you in a way no one else can, but during struggles, you can always count on them to nourish you and bring out the best in you, again.

5. Give time to hone God-give talents.

We are all naturally gifted, and during this period in time, we should also give time to our skills because it’s a wonderful thing to do. Play musical instruments, cover a song, do some artworks, cook for yourself, and even for your loved ones, sing like there’s no tomorrow. You have all the time in the world to hone your skills and to perfect them. Stop comparing your talent to others, as we all have our unique aspects as a person. Never look for validation of others and let them tell you what they like and what they don't. What matters the most is you love what you're doing and you're giving your all to the passion of doing what you love to do. It will all be enough, just enjoy things and keep on getting better every day.

6. Pain might not what we want, but it is something we need.

Sometimes life gives you so much pain that you barely hold on and it makes you feel very vulnerable and there will be times that you just wish to end the void of losing someone, a friend, a relative, or maybe yourself. The time you feel that the entire world is on your shoulder, continuously crushing and pushing you to the edge of giving up. But dear, that madness, the pain, will only make you stronger than before, it will bring out a better version of yourself. It will teach you so much and you'll barely know it. Take a deep breath because every person has their struggles and everyone has their strategy to deal with it But dear,Rule of parallelismCrushing and pushing you to the edge— and so are you . Time passes by and the pain will eventually stop, so hold on. Life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey.

7. Time is a big factor in life.

Have the wounds healed and the scars of yesterday's struggles have now become unnoticeable? After the encounters of everything that broke you in the past, the people who hurt you and left a scar on you, suddenly you begin to see a better version of yourself and you feel so much better than before. Even though some scars are still visible, it's fine. Remember, warriors got wounded in battles. The scars will be reminders of his bravery and fortitude. Time may not undo the things that broke you, but it also reminds us to heal not for them, but ourselves.

8. Taking care of yourself must become your priority.

During this quarantine period, taking good care of yourself is a must. No one else can do the relaxing for you. Have fun with those little things you do in your bed at 3 in the morning, sing along while your favorite OPM song is playing, take your time in the shower, or maybe try cooking something you saw on the internet, or maybe your favorite dish. Enjoy being yourself at your home. But as much as there's leisure time, never forget to work out as exercising makes your body look better and will help your immune system to be stronger. Get enough sleep and always stay hydrated.

9. Prayer is powerful.

Filipinos are culturally religious and one part of that is praying. Filipinos are known to be prayer warriors. And during the hard times like this, we always come to Him, to lean on to Him and believe that He's in control of everything that's happening. Praying also is a way to communicate with Him, and talking to Him will give you a lighter heart, and the belief that you'll overcome everything will be existent. Individuals seek His guidance amidst the crisis, asking to save everyone who is infected, the medical experts, the victims, the Filipino people, the entire world. Maybe God is not answering right now, but believe that He, always, has a plan. Believe that He's in control of everything and things will get better in time.

10. Anxiety and crying are normal.

Everyone breaks down and cries, just for various reasons. But during this time, the anxious feeling and the urge to cry is common. It won’t make you less of a person if you cry. It’s alright to break down sometimes. It's not a sin to feel sad and feel like the world turned its back on you. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, it doesn't mean that you're weak. Crying won't make you less strong. Letting those tears fall down your face is helpful to ease the pain and the burden you're feeling because life may be unfair to you or your order online just got canceled. Always believe that it's fine to be sad. Sadness is temporary, it is a normal feeling. You may feel like you failed, but hey, you did not, you learned.

11. Boredom will never be an excuse to hurt yourself again.

We are in the quarantine period and of course, everyone is bored and so is your ex-lover. Just focus on yourself and think that he's part of the past now. Move forward in life and see the great things that lie ahead of you. As the famous quote says, "There's a lot of fish in the sea". And you don't have to worry about love. Love is everywhere, and love doesn't need to be a romantic kind of love. If a person cares about you and loves you for who you are, they will want you to grow, be successful, help you become a better version of yourself while you guys are making what you have grown. Know that in the end, the world will always find a way for you to meet the perfect person at the perfect time. Just trust God's timings. Breakups might be stressful and might damage you so much, but someone will come to help you always remember your worth.

12. Pessimism and stress must not be entertained.

Although life is full of drama, it will continue to happen and the only choice we have in life is to never stop living because we have only one life. We only have one precious chance to live our life to the fullest. And stress must nowhere to be found in that single opportunity. Enjoy every little thing you do and figure out the things you love the most. Always look at the positive side of life.

13. Love yourself more than you love anyone.

My mother always reminds me to not lower my standard to anyone, especially in love, because in this world, there this one person who will do everything to love you and while waiting, love yourself more, so that if that person comes, you know how to act maturely and how to reciprocate the love your partner will give you. Love your flaws and embrace your insecurities because thinking about them will just eat up too much of our time and will fill our minds with negative thoughts. But those things don't define us, it will never summarize our entirety. Instead, turn your weakness into a strength so that no one will use it against you.

14. The past doesn’t define who you are in the future.

Mistakes are lessons in life that will make you become a better person. If you’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, it doesn’t make you less of a person. Although our past reminds us of who we were before and the people who we have been, use that to fuel you and prove that what you've done, doesn't count on what you'll become. You are the ruler of yourself, you are the vase of your garden, so take care of your flowers and let your flower blooms beautifully through positivity and love.

15. Your dreams are always reachable no matter what's going on.

Never give up on your dreams, It’s your ticket that will bring you to places, freeing you from the shackles of impossibility. Look at yourself in the mirror and let go of what's holding you back because you can reach for whatever you're looking up to. Never lose your ability to dream. Be like Peter Pan - he who never held back because your dreams can come true and life will be as colorful as Neverland.

16. Prevention is better than cure.

We often overlook the fact that we could have prevented this pandemic if we have taken necessary precautionary measures. If we help prevent something bad to happen, we won't be needing a lot of time to figure out how to solve things. But as much as we prevent these things from happening, there will be times that God will test us. It might not be what we want to happen, but His plans will always be better than ours.

17. We take a lot of things for granted.

The dusted books in your bookshelf are now being read. The clothes and the pajamas you haven't worn before are now covering your skin almost twice every week. Yes, we take a lot of things for granted. But as much as the personal stuff we have in the corners of our rooms, there are more out there that we often overlook but are now crucial in this period. What I'm talking about are our front liners. Those are the people in the groceries, the janitors, nurses and doctors, health workers. Admit it, at some point in our lives, we have taken them for granted, but this pandemic changed our perspective in what they can do. After this tough time, never forget to thank them and always value what they can do for others.

18. Home is and will always be the safest place on earth.

We often time hear the government says stay in our homes, to not go out if it is not essential. As much as we want to go outside, being behind closed doors will always be the best option. Our homes are the safest and best place. Home is our heart’s sanctuary, but also, it helps us grow and foster.

19. This pandemic brings out the best and the worst in all of us.

Some of us discovered how to cook, some of us got into better shape. Unfortunately, a lot of people lost their jobs and worse, someone might have lost a loved one due to COVID-19. In this trying time, let’s do our fair share to end this pandemic. This time made us find ourselves more, but let us not forget those who just lost a part of their life. This might be a tough time for us, but let us always remember to look at the silver linings in everything that's happening.

20. There's no problem that we cannot surpass.

No dilemma in life can stay forever in our lives. We are definitely in the toughest times of our lives, but let's keep on holding on and believe that this, too, shall pass. There's no mountain we cannot climb and there's more to life than being sad. Learn to believe that we can overcome what's happening and know that you are not alone in this battle. Your family, friends, and most especially, the Lord will never turn their backs on us. . Know that any problem that we encounter, we can always find a way to overcome it and it will help us have a better perspective in life.

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cherrywoodpecker · 5 years

Text

Perennial Heart | Alec Utgoff x Reader | Chapter Two

Link to Chapter One

WC: 2472

Paired Listening: S. O. S. by ABBA

Link to Paired Listening

Author’s Note: Hey! Thanks to everyone who read chapter one! I haven’t written fanfiction in years and writing this has been making me really happy. I don’t expect to get this very popular, but if anyone wants to be tagged when I post a new chapter, I won’t mind. I don’t really care much about the reads because I’m just glad I found something that makes me happy and doesn’t stress me out. Anyways, have a good one! Thanks for reading!

TW: MENTION OF CHEATING

You shivered as you found your seat on the plane. You always found planes to be incredibly cold. You turned your phone back on for the first time since you told Seth you were leaving. He had texted you 57 times and called 30 times. You didn’t bother to read all of his messages, but you read enough to know that he was worried for your safety and was insistent on convincing that you two could work this out. You sent him one last text.

“i won’t have service where I’m going. I’m safe. What I need is time alone right now. bye”

You turned your phone off and stuffed it into the deepest corner of your backpack. The fact that you wouldn’t be able to use it was comforting to you. While there was a part of you that was proud of yourself, deep down, you were still having trouble registering emotions on a surface level. Your body, your brain, everything was numb. You knew what you would be feeling if you weren’t numb, but you just couldn’t grasp the gratification of cutting Seth off, or the excitement and nervousness of getting on a plane and going to a country where you barely spoke any of the language. Everything was just... happening- and all you could feel was indifferent.

Your first plane would be taking you to London. The airport in your city didn’t offer nonstop service to Kiev, so this was the best you could do. You didn’t care. At the beginning of the flight, you retrieved your camera from your bag and took your first picture, which was of the city from up in the air. You felt kind of lucky to have the window seat. It meant you had more to look at and mildly entertain you during the flight. As the plane continued to ascend, you realized you were exhausted. You had barely done anything yet that day, and you still felt like your body was shutting itself off. You decided to lay your head back and rest for a little while.

You woke up by hitting your head against the seat in front of you. You looked out your window and couldn’t see much beyond the runways and plane hangars. It was dark, too, but you knew you were in London.

As you left the plane, you felt like you were dreaming. That morning, you had felt like you could marry the man you were living with, and now you were wasting every dollar to your name to get away from him.

No matter where you were, you felt like your soul, the core of where every feeling you had came from, was continuously falling into a void with no bottom.

You found your next gate. Your flight wasn’t leaving for an hour or so, so you tried to find a place to sit. As you gazed around your gate, you noticed that all of the seats were taken, but not necessarily by people. Seats were taken by people, dogs, suitcases, purses, guitar cases, and pretty much everything that could be brought into an airport. You sighed, and sat against a wall. You donned a hoodie you had stuffed into a duffel bag carry on, and pulled the hood around your head. You leaned your head back and took a deep breath.

He had said you were perfect.

Seth had told you that every single person who had treated you inhumanely before was a lunatic because you were the best girl he had ever met.

He called you the most beautiful girl in the world, and while you never believed it, it felt nice to hear someone call you that. It was nice to indulge in the belief that someone could see you as more beautiful than any other.

What had you done to make him cheat?

You felt a light tap on your shoulder.

“Miss? Uhh, miss?” He said. You looked up. Your eyes were cloudy with tears, and nothing looked quite right. You knew there was somebody in front of you, trying to get your attention. He sounded like a guy.

“Yeah. Hi. ‘sup.” You said, using as short of terms as possible to possibly avoid a conversation with some chatty Kathy type. You realized it was hard to speak.

“Uh,” He hesitated. “I was just wondering if you’d like to take my seat. I saw you sitting on the ground and...” He trailed off, then continued “I thought you might want my seat.”

You didn’t like the idea of taking some asshole’s charity, but the floor was uncomfortable as hell. You took him up on it. You stood up, slinging your carry on behind you.

“Thanks,” you said. As you walked over to the seat where he removed his luggage, you noticed that something hot was trailing down your cheek. You were crying.

You realized why the stranger had been so scared while talking to you. You thought you were keeping your cool, meanwhile you were unwillingly submitting to a 2007-Britney-Spears-Level breakdown in front of the entire airport. You took your hoodie sleeve and wiped your face down before hiding it again in your hood and pulling out something to pretend to read until your plane was ready to board.

A small drop hit the pages of your book.

You were finally feeling something, but it wasn’t good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alec found the morning that he headed to the airport to be quite refreshing, despite the fact that he was running on two hours of sleep. He felt refreshed, excited, and ready to see the beautiful city of Kiev again. Despite the fact that it was one in the morning, despite the fact that he had forgotten to pack the night before, he managed to make the morning a happy one, and left his apartment with time to spare. He ate a bagel slathered in honey and drank a big cup of raspberry tea (with more honey) on his way.

He always loved airports after midnight. Everything was quiet, unless there was some big storm somewhere or some other type of problem. Sure, most stores were closed, but he never needed to shop there anyway. He actually enjoyed it more, because there was some sort of thrill in walking down a corridor without anybody else in it.

He wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but there was also some satisfaction in the fact that there wasn’t anyone around to ask him for a picture or autograph.

When he got to his gate, he was surprised by the amount of people already there. People were filling up seats incredibly quickly, so Alec made a beeline for an empty spot he found over by the window. It was mostly dark out, but he could see the pretty lights of London twinkling beyond the airport.

He noticed more people were flooding to the gate. He thought perhaps a connecting flight had just landed. Everyone found their seats and soon the entire area was abuzz with the sounds of impatient flyers. Alec noticed some people staring at him. He averted his eyes downward and began to scroll on his phone. He put on headphones just for good measure, and played some classic rock. He felt like the enthusiasm of the music suited his morning quite nicely.

Minutes after the terminal had crowded, Alec noticed someone weaving through the rows of seats trying to find an empty one. Her face was blank, thoughtless. Her demeanor more suited that of the average person taking a 2 AM flight. After realizing there were no seats left, she sat against the wall closest to Alec, seemingly unbothered. Alec paid her no mind until several minutes later, when he noticed movement and sound coming from her corner. She was now in a black sweat shirt, her head tilted back. There were tears building up around her eyes and he noticed her body quake in a hiccuped breath as she kept trying to breathe deeply. One or two other people in the vicinity noticed it, too.

He stood up and set his backpack on his seat so nobody could take it, and he walked over to her. She didn’t notice him, as her eyes were shut and she hadn’t heard him, so he had no choice but to try to tap her on the shoulder.

“Miss?” He said, suddenly nervous that he’d irritate her by bothering her. “Uhh, miss?” Her eyes fluttered open, glassy with obvious tears.

“Yeah. Hi. ‘sup” she said, clearly uninterested in anything outside of her own mind.

“Uh,” Alec stuttered again. “I was just wondering if you’d like to take my seat. I saw you sitting on the ground and...” Shit. Alec didn’t know how to handle some stranger blubbering in a public place, but even more than that, he wanted to be kind. “I thought you might want my seat.”

Her facial expression didn’t change much. She blinked at Alec a few times and nodded, getting up and letting him lead her to his seat. Alec brought his carry on to her little corner and sat back, waiting for the plane to board. Before he could put his headphones back on, a young in a flight attendant’s uniform approached him, asking for selfie after selfie.

‘Kiev,’ he thought, as the satisfied fan walked back to the desk. ‘Here I come.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were hoping that this sudden feeling of dread would go away shortly, so you could continue living a numb existence, but it persisted through boarding.

What made it sting worse is that Seth was your best friend. He had been ever since you guys started hanging out. He just got you in a way you thought was different than the way anyone else understood you. Sure, he could be mean about your flaws. He never understood them. But it was nice to have someone around who had more confidence in you than you did.

You could hear his voice in your head.

“What is wrong with you? Do you really think you’re such a dumb piece of shit that you won’t pass this class? You have a fucking C in it! You’re fine!”

He was abrasive. He could be a jackass. He could be mean.

But he was all you wanted to talk to right now.

Here you were, on what could be the biggest adventure of your life, and you were stranded in a sea of unfamiliar people, bound to loneliness by plane and the betrayal Seth had committed against you.

He would have thought Kiev was so cool. He would have quelled your fears about not being able to speak the local language as good as you would have to. While you were a beginner, in his eyes, you were fluent.

The loneliness reached its peak about halfway through the flight, around the hour and a half mark. You missed him so much and all you could feel was a sourness in your stomach at the thought that you weren’t enough for him. The sourness in your stomach turned into real, pulsating discomfort. You stood up and ran to the nearest restroom, which was towards the front of the plane. All of the people in First Class got fancy curtains so people in the aisle ways couldn’t bother them.

You managed to do just that, however, when you tripped over a rogue shoe poking out from one of these curtains and fell to the floor. You could hear curtains being pushed back so the First Class passengers could see who was making all the racket. You quickly got up, still as nauseous as you’ve ever been, and ran to the restroom. Before you shut the door, you could hear an annoyed flight attendant say:

“Ma’am, those restrooms are for the First Class pas-”

Before he could finish, you had shut the door and started to get sick.

After that, you felt drained, even more exhausted than you were before, and helpless. Nobody would be there for you after you opened that door to possibly face a flight attendant. Nobody would be there for you in Kiev. When you came back to the states, the only person there for you would be the person who took your utmost trust and threw it out the window.

Right now, there was only you.

For the rest of your life, you realized, there would only be you.

You stood up, fixed your appearance in the mirror as much as you could, and left the restroom. When the flight attendant tried to confront you, you just muttered a “Yeah, sorry,” before walking back to your seat and contemplating yourself for the rest of the flight.

Learning not to cry over it wasn’t going to be easy.

You didn’t know how long it would take not to cry.

But

You were your own person, and you didn’t need Seth for anything.

And in that moment, you began to appreciate his absence

though you still hadn’t stopped crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once Alec had boarded and settled into his soft, comfortable First Class seat, he almost nearly passed out. He hadn’t felt tired for a second before boarding the plane, but with the lights nearly all out, and the seat so comfortable, he couldn’t resist. He mentioned to the flight attendant before takeoff that he had already eaten and wouldn’t be interested in any sort of refreshment service.

With that, he closed his curtain (an addition that didn’t bother him in the slightest), sat back, and drifted blissfully to sleep thinking of the flowers in the botanical gardens of Kiev that would be in bloom when he landed.

He woke up to a twisting pain in his left foot before realizing that it had been in the aisle and someone had tripped on it. He moved his curtain to say sorry. it was the girl from before, and she looked worse. Her entire face was wet, and she looked incredibly pale. She looked sick. He tried to say something, but she quickly gathered herself and rushed to the restrooms at the front of the plane, being followed by a half-interested flight attendant trying to tell her that she couldn’t use those restrooms.

Alec pulled his curtain closed and rolled his eyes at the flight attendant. She was obviously going through something. He couldn’t get back to sleep after that, but he could watch the landscape pass by the window, letting all of his thoughts escape with the passing clouds.

In terms of experience, it wasn’t a bad flight, but with every passing second that Alec wasn’t in Kiev, he became more impatient to see it. He had this undying, unquestionable hope that everything would get better once he got to Kiev.

He thought of the girl obviously having a breakdown.

He hoped Kiev would help her, too.

#Alec Utgoff #Alexei #Alexei Smirnoff #stranger things #stranger things 3 #ST3 #hurt/comfort #angst #im trying to get better at tagging #second person #reader #xreader #fanfiction #Fanfic #slow burn #I guess?#I promise this will get happier soon

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tarotdeckshuffle · 5 years

Note

Hello! Your pregnancy ones are so adorable. Can I request one for big softy bear Gladiolus?? Please and thank you!

I truly, truly think Gladio would make an amazing father. He’d probably want kids the most out of the Bros.

Enjoy!

Taglist: @idiotflowerex

Like this? Support me on Patreon or buy me a Ko-fi!

Big Daddy Shield is about to become a real daddy ;)

Gladio is the best with his time, but the stress of the road trip leaves little time for the two of you.

He’s working out, training by himself, training with Noct, and Prompto, and even occasionally Ignis.

Then he still has other duties to see to.

A]t the end of the day, he may stop by just to see you.

Likely bringing flowers,

Or being out of breath because he sprinted across the city to see you before you went to sleep.

He’s trying his best to make time for you, but there are just so many demands on him.

So, it’s hard for him to notice that sad smile across your face when he sees you.

He’ll try to bring takeout for you to enjoy together,

But you’ll turn him down, saying your stomach hurts.

Really, the smell will practically kill you.

He’ll understand and let you be,

But he’ll be so worried thinking that the stress of him leaving is getting to your whole body.

One day, he’s training with all of the Bros after working out.

You come up in conversation.

He’ll lament that he hasn’t hardly seen you, lately.

The Bros will not stand for this.

“You gotta go see her, man!” Prompto will say.

“She deserves your time.” Ignis will add.

And Noctis will finish will a kill strike: “She’s not going to see you for quite awhile.”

Gladio agrees wholeheartedly, but doesn’t know what to do.

So the other Bros will help out and take his duties, allowing him the rest of the day with you.

He’ll be so thankful and thrilled!

He’ll shower and get cleaned up for you, wanting to take you out on the town; make you feel special and help you relax.

He’ll show up, unannounced, in the middle of the day, with your favorite flowers.

Managing the cheesiest “Hey,” in your doorway.

But he showed up at the wrong time of the day.

You’ll greet him before running off to the bathroom to puke, having almost done so on his shoes.

Now he’s really concerned.

How long have you been sick?

He’ll hold back your hair and let you get it all out.

Once done, he’ll pick you up and start to carry you off.

You’re going to the doctor, NOW.

“Gladio! No! STOP!” You’ll kick and struggle in his arms.

“No. You’re sick. It’s ok to get help.” He’ll restrain you, gently.

“Stop! I know why I’m sick!” You’ll burst, your heart not being able to keep the secret, anymore.

He’ll stop, stunned.

Setting you down, he’ll face you.

“Then why are you not handling it?” He’ll want to know.

Gladio HATES the idea of honor in suffering. If you’re sick or hurt, he believes the most honorable thing to do is to heal so you can fight again.

“Because…it’s not…I’m not sick.” You manage, unsure of how to word it.

“What? Then what is it?” Gladio is not one for cryptic answers.

“Gladio, it’s morning sickness…” You reply. Maybe not as forward as you should be, but hopefully he’ll get it.

He stares at you for a long moment with a look of anger and confusion, arms crossed over his chest.

The living room is silent as you raise your eyebrows at him, trying to get him to think.

Realization spreads like he just got hit in the face with cold water.

“Oh…” His face makes for his hands. He can’t help but collapse onto your couch. “Shit…”

He looks up at you through his fingers.

“You’re…pregnant?” His voice is soft but void of emotion.

All you can think to do is stand before him.

“Yeah…”

A long moment of silence follows.

FInally, he takes a deep breath that he holds for a moment.

Spreading his great arms, he invites you into his embrace.

You oblige, sitting on his lap.

He holds you, tight and warm.

Playing with your hair, he’s silent, staring at the wall.

It’s concerning how long this goes on.

His features start to melt and he buries his face into your chest.

“What is it, babe?” You ask, concerned he may have broken.

He did, but not how you expected.

“It’s…not right…” He almost whispers into your arms.

You’re shocked, but start to pet his long hair.

“No! This isn’t alright!” He raises his voice. Looking up at you, you see tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Gladio?!” You’re shocked, this isn’t what you expected!

“DAMMIT!” He pulls you into his chest for a tight hug.

You sit there with him as the tears fall, knowing that he needs to hang on to you for this moment.

Finally, he calms enough to talk.

“You’re going to make a fantastic mother, you know that, right?” He kisses the top of your head.

“And you’re going to be a wonderful father…” You add, looking up at him.

His smile is so kind and sad that it breaks your heart.

“I wish I could be…Gods know I want to be…But…babe, how?” His voice breaks, again.

Gladio practically raised Iris because his father was always so busy.

The man adores children.

You knew he’d want to be a father.

You know he’d be an amazing father.

But you, too, didn’t know how it was all going to work.

You had been trying to find an answer since you found out you were pregnant.

He had to leave, his duty was to Noctis.

And even when he returned, he’d be devoted to the Prince.

Perhaps Gladio would hate never having children of his own,

But he’d hate himself even more if he had kids and ended up being an absent father, like Clarus.

“I…I’m sorry.” You start to cry, this wasn’t how you had planned it.

Sure, you didn’t have much of a plan, but you never wanted to hurt Gladio.

“No, no, babe. Sshh, this isn’t your fault.” Gladio frantically wiped tears from your cheeks.

“If anything, this is my fault…” He added with a sad smile.

“I…I wasn’t going to tell you.” You couldn’t meet his eyes.

The only plan you had come up with was to take the coward’s way out.

But, you’d rather be a coward than hurt the love of your life.

“What were you going to do?” You thought Gladio would be angry, and perhaps he was under it all, but his voice was primarily sorrowful.

“I was just going to…leave. I’d go and find another place after you left.”

It had been the plan that hurt your love the least.

You would move apartments, maybe even out of Insomnia, after he was gone.

Yes, it’d hurt him if you left without saying goodbye,

But you knew if you broke up with him, he’d still love you.

He’d still have people check in on you.

And they’d find out about the baby.

And they’d tell him.

And he’d hate himself for not being there.

He try his best to support you.

All ending up in him hating himself for not being a better father.

But, what had you done.

Now he knew.

Gladio rested his head on the top of yours.

“You don’t have to do this alone…”

“Don’t I?” You curtly retorted.

You wanted to be a mother, you had decided that long ago.

But if you wanted to be a mother, you figured you had to do it alone.

Your heart had grown cold with determination in your plan.

Now it was bearing down on Gladio.

“No! You don’t!” Gladdy moved to hold your cheek, determination in his eyes.

This man…this damn wonderful man.

If anyone told him he couldn’t do something, it made him want to do it more.

“I’m going to help you.” He added.

“How the hell are you…” He put a finger over your mouth.

“I want this. I want us, as a family!” He took his calloused fingers from your mouth. “Do you?”

You were staring at this fiercely loving man.

All you could do was nod.

“Then we’ll do it. I know I can’t always be here, and I may not be able to keep my promises for the future…but I love you and I’m going to do everything I can to take care of our family.” His smile was kind as his eyes stared into your soul.

You smiled at him before kissing him deeply.

He really would make an amazing father.

“But how are we going to do this?”

“I don’t know…but I know some guys who’d help.”

The two of you filled the Bros in on everything.

Gladio was beaming as he bluntly announced “I’m gonna be a daddy!”

Maybe not the best choice of words in retrospect.

But he was truly thrilled.

All the guys were taken aback, but it somehow fit that he would be the first to have a family.

The five of you worked together to make a plan.

Well, it became six when Iris found out.

Iris alone overshadowed all of the other Bros in excitement for your child.

She was going to be the best aunt!

ANd was already making plans to be sure of that!

Six strong, now, you made a plan.

You would move into the Amicitia estate.

Iris was excited to be roommates.

There you’d be taken care of, not even needing to work.

Ignis found you the best doctors to visit.

Noctis set you up for entertainment (video games, duh.)

And Prompto got you a camera to take pictures of everything!

Iris got you the best gift, though.

It was a new phone, one with a really nice camera.

So that you could take pictures everyday and send them to Gladdy.

She’s also already made plans to decorate the nursery.

“Do you want a yellow scheme with chocobos or a white scheme with moogles? I like the moogle one best…”

And she butts into your conversations with Gladio regarding names.

You and Gladio made a reading list: books to help you understand pregnancy and parenthood and a few to entertain.

You’d both read the same books at the same time, as a way to feel closer.

Cor gets in on the plan and helps the most.

Cor is insanely proud of Gladio for becoming a father and wants to help his student.

The plan is that Cor will follow the Bros, providing backup when necessary.

When the due date gets close, he’ll sub in for Gladio, allowing him to return for you.

Cor has also secretly promised you that Gladio will return.

You’re so supported, so loved, and so happy with everything.

But the empire didn’t let your happiness live long.

Iris makes sure you escape with her.

Gladio is calling you, trying to get through, but your phone was destroyed in the escape.

Finally, when you get to Lestallum, you call him.

He’d be so frantic.

“Are you ok? Is the baby ok? How’d you escape? Are you really ok?”

You’d hear him start crying, again.

When the Bros got to the city, the car would barely be stopped before he’d be out, rushing to you.

Holding you close, he’d say into your hair, “I thought I’d lost you…”

He wouldn’t leave your side the whole time he was there.

Enamored with your growing belly.

He’d love to kiss it.

Even if your child was born into a world without the sun, your family would be the light of Gladio’s life.

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