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nicoline1998enilocin · 10 months

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Dear Diary

PAIRING | Sebastian Stan x Actress!Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 4.4K

SUMMARY | You've had a crush on your co-worker Sebastian for as long as you can remember, and you often write about him in your diary. When you accidentally leave it in his trailer, he can't help but look into it, and find out about some fantasies you have about him.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Smut [ Nudes via text, video of male masturbation, daddy kink, praise kink, oral (M&F receiving), fingering, protected sex, squirting, nipple play, female masturbation, male masturbation, cum swallowing, use of a sex toy, little bit of aftercare ], swearing.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Sebastian Stan Masterlist

You couldn't help but fantasize about your co-worker and good friend, Sebastian Stan. You have shot a few movies together and over time you have developed a pretty close relationship, which turned into more than just friendship on your side. Luckily for you, you've been keeping a journal since you were 16, and to this day you enjoy writing about your deepest, darkest fantasies, which are more often than not about Sebastian. Since the two of you started filming the movie 'Endings, Beginnings' together, you were practically fantasizing about him all day every day, making all of your scenes just that much more believable.

Dear Diary,

Shot another pretty hot scene with Seb today, we filmed a make-out session today. I'm wishing he would do the same with me every single time, but I'll take what I can get. Feeling his tongue slide against mine felt almost natural, and his hand brushing on my face gave me goosebumps. We have a few more spicy scenes coming up, and I can't wait.

Been thinking about him a lot more recently, especially since starting this movie. I'm thinking about maybe making a move soon, really need to get some good sex soon, otherwise, I'll crumple up like a sad leaf. Honestly, I can't stop thinking about Seb eating me out, and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Shot another sex scene today, and it's harder to not let the lines blur. Need to make a move on him soon, so he can rail me like no one ever has before. Just got myself off by thinking how good it would feel to feel him inside me for real, wishing it were his fingers instead of my own. Need to let him ruin me soon.

Everything was fine and well, until Sebastian asked you to come to his trailer, saying he wanted to run some lines with you, before the next scene. You happily agreed and went over there, deciding to finish writing in your diary later. You slip it in your bag and walk to his trailer, softly knocking. ''Come in!'' he says and you open the door, smiling brightly at him. ''Hey Y/N, thanks for helping me out, I just can't seem to get into the flow of this scene for some reason, so I hope this will help,'' he said, smiling back at you. ''Yeah of course, I'm always happy to help,'' you say and you put your bag down. Sebastian got you something to drink and accidentally knocked over your bag, but neither of you noticed your diary slipping out.

You run your lines a few times and once Sebastian's comfortable with it, you get up and grab your bag, not noticing your diary is missing now. It slid under the couch you both were sitting on and when Sebastian closed the door of his trailer behind you, he found it, opening it without a second thought. He was thinking maybe it was his, but he didn't recognize the handwriting. He did recognize his very own name though, seeing it written many times on the pages, surrounded by your many fantasies. He read some of them and felt himself get hard almost instantly, he didn't know you had the same feelings for him as he did for you.

He had some time left before needing to shoot the next scene, so he decided to get himself off in the meantime, reading your sexiest fantasies about him to help him out. He quickly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down to his thighs together with his underwear, leaving his hard, aching cock to spring free. He already started to leak from his tip, so he used some of the pre-cum as the lube to stroke himself, closing his fingers around himself and slowly starting to work his hand up and down his shaft. The more he read, the faster and needier his strokes became, even whining and moaning at the feeling when his climax crept up. Without much warning he came violently over his stomach and chest, feeling completely spent after reading what he has.

Now that he knew you wanted to make a move on him, he couldn't wait. He went back to set but didn't take your journal with him, he was going to give it back later and he was planning on fulfilling some of your dirtiest fantasies you wrote about. ''Hey Y/N, thanks again for helping me run lines earlier,'' he said when he spotted you and stood next to you, almost touching your arm with his. ''You're welcome Seb, always happy to help!'' you said with a bright smile, before walking away and going to talk to the director. The last scenes of the day were shot and the chemistry between the two of you seemed to have skyrocketed, much to the pleasure of the director. Little did he know, it's because Sebastian finally found out about you and your fantasies.

~ A few days later ~

Filming was on a short break so you enjoyed your few days of freedom by spending it at home with your cat, Hufflepuff. You have been a Harry Potter fan since you were a kid, and being a proud part of the Hufflepuff house, it seemed like the only logical name at the time. Nowadays, you shortened it to 'Puff', because she's just very soft and fluffy, looking like a puff sometimes. ''Hey Puff! How is my favorite girl doing?'' you asked when you opened the door when your roommate Lily walked into the living room. ''Hey babe, how's filming? Aren't you... supposed to be filming?'' she asked and you nodded. ''Got a few days off,'' you explained and Puff was weaving and rubbing herself between your legs.

''Also, I thought I was your favorite girl,'' Lily said faking her disappointment. ''You always will be my favorite, babe, you know that right?'' you said before pulling her in for a hug, you missed her too. You lived just outside of New York, but it was still a good hour and a half drive to where you were filming, so you usually stayed in a hotel near the filming location. ''Also, filming is going better than expected, Sebastian and I have a great connection, the director even said our chemistry was practically dripping off the screen, so I can only take that as a compliment,'' you tell her, not telling you're already dripping just thinking about him.

Just when Lily wanted to respond, your phone was buzzing with a text, and you saw it was from Sebastian. ''Ah, speak of the devil! He just texted me, actually,'' You tell her and you open the message. As soon as you open it you audibly gasp and almost drop your phone at the sight. It was a text saying ''I believe I found something that belongs to you'', with a picture of a naked Sebastian, barely covering his thick member with your journal. ''Oh my fucking god...'' you mumble to yourself before locking your phone and quickly making your way to your bedroom. ''What's going on?!'' Lily asked when she followed you, but you couldn't tell her.

''I-It's nothing,'' you tell her, but she doesn't believe you. ''Show me,'' she demanded, but you couldn't do that to Sebastian, he sent you that photo in private, you were not going to show her, but it did make you want to do unspeakable things. Your phone went off again, and Sebastian sent a video of himself this time, but you didn't dare to open it with Lily still in your presence. ''Oh, it's him again, isn't it? Now I want to know,'' she said and before you could react, she grabbed your phone out of your hands and opened the video, gasping loudly. Your sound was still on, and you heard Sebastian softly whining and moaning your name before Lily threw your phone on the bed, you didn't need to see what he sent to know exactly what it was. Sebastian was jerking himself off at the thought of you.

''PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE FUCKING HIM?!'' she practically yelled at you, she knew damn well about your crush on Sebastian, and she threw your phone to the side out of obligation to you, even though she wanted to see more of him. ''In the movie, yes, but you know what sex scenes in movies are like, so technically no,'' you shrug but your face does little to hide the deep crimson color that has spread from behind your ears down your neck and chest. Also, you're rubbing your thighs together to give yourself some friction, afraid you'll combust if you don't. ''Oh girl, you will be having some real sex REAL soon,'' she said with a smirk on her face.

After that, Lily left the room because she had to go to work, and you had the house to yourself, which you would take full advantage of right now. You waited a good 30 minutes after she left before making yourself comfortable on your bed, stripping down to just your underwear and grabbing your favorite vibrator to help yourself out. You grab your phone and click on the video of Sebastian masturbating, to help yourself get off too. When you pressed play, your room instantly filled with the same little whines and moans of your name as before, and you were already a dripping mess before even doing anything.

Not wanting to waste any time, you pushed your panties aside and swiped two fingers through your folds, feeling how soaked you were before softly starting to play with your clit. You softly rub it a few times before putting the same 2 fingers inside your pussy and softly fingering yourself, really enjoying the sounds coming from your phone, together with what you're seeing. You let out a few soft moans yourself and in a wave of horniness, you decide to record yourself getting off. You release your fingers from your pussy and pick up the vibrator, setting it on your desired setting and slowly rubbing over your clit before sliding it deep inside you. You moan a little more and start squirming, feeling your orgasm getting close.

This is the moment you start recording your voice to send back to Sebastian, letting him hear how you're getting off on his video. Your moans become needier and louder, ''Oh, Seb, fuck it feels good, am a good little slut for you,'' you moan when you turn your vibrator up a few notches, making your orgasm more intense than you're used to, but you didn't care. All you cared about was giving Sebastian exactly what he wanted to hear. ''Seb, fuck- gonna cum,'' is the last thing you moan before your orgasm washes over you, and you squirt all over your thighs and sheets, the vibrator being pushed out of you due to the power of your walls clenching down. ''Wan' you to make me squirt like I just did, Daddy,'' is the last thing you said before sending it to him.

All you got back as a response was a picture of Sebastian with a lot of cum all over his hand, stomach, and chest, showing you exactly what hearing you just did to him. Shortly after you get a text with an address from Seb, saying to meet him there ASAP. You look it up and it is still an hour's drive from your house, so tell him you'll be there in 2, giving yourself some time to shower and get ready. You decide to wear a sexy red lingerie set for him, showing off all your curves just the way you like. You throw a simple dress over it, knowing that won't matter and when you're ready, you walk out the door to make the drive over to the address he sent. You arrive there and park your car in the driveway.

~ 2 hours later ~

You take one more look at his message to ensure you're at the right address and when you confirm you are, you walk towards the front door and open a few buttons at the top of your dress, showing a bit of your lingerie and you ring the doorbell. When the door opens you let out a gasp of horror, because it's not Sebastian opening the door, but an elderly woman who you can only assume is his mother. ''Shit,'' you mumble before quickly closing the top of your dress, but you already know she's seen your lingerie. ''Can I help you?'' she asks with her Romanian accent shining through, you quickly assume this is her house, which is why she's here. ''Uh, I'm here for Sebastian, but if it isn't a good time I can come back,'' you quickly say, extremely embarrassed now.

''Seb, honey, there's someone here for you!'' she says into the house, and you hear Sebastian walking up to the front door. ''I've got it from here Mom, thank you,'' he says and she walks back into the house, and he doesn't even attempt to hide checking you out, doing it openly. ''Fuck, I can't wait to see what you're wearing underneath, baby,'' he says as he grabs your hand, and your dress falls open again, revealing the top part of your lingerie, hugging your breasts nicely. Sebastian lets out a little gasp, and you don't need to look down to know he's hard as a rock right now, almost achingly so. Without saying anything else he drags you into the house and up to his bedroom, where he doesn't take much time to take your dress off.

''Jesus fucking Christ, you're gonna be the death of me in a fucking outfit like this,'' he said as he took a step back to fully take in your red lingerie. ''You like it, Daddy?'' you ask, taking your bottom lip between your teeth and giving him a sensual look filled with lust. ''You're even sexier than I imagined...'' he said as he walked over to you, already taking off his shirt and throwing it on the floor beside him. You thought he would manhandle you and be rough, but he was the complete opposite, but you wouldn't mind either way. You've been in some relationships where you partook in BDSM, so you can handle a lot, even though you've left that life behind since your last relationship. Sebastian going nice and slow is exactly what you need right now.

He placed one hand on your cheek, and his other hand on your hip whilst looking into your eyes for permission to kiss you. ''Seb, I need you to kiss me, please,'' you ask him, your submissive side slowly slipping back into place, just like it never left. And with that, he softly placed his lips on yours, and you could tell he wanted to savor every single second of it as if he was afraid that you'd evaporate if he went too fast or rough. You let out a soft moan at his gentle touches, and you snake your arms around his neck, pulling him closer softly. The hand on your hip slowly starts to wander around and stroking you on every single inch of skin he could reach, and he opened his mouth to slide his tongue against yours, asking for permission to enter. You happily grant it and his tongue slips inside, stroking yours with a tenderness you've never felt before.

When your hands move away from his neck and down his chest, he can't help but softly groan when your hands graze over his nipples, noticing how sensitive he is there. You pull away from him and can't help but give him a soft smile, ''Someone's sensitive,'' you say before lowering your head to his nipple, grazing it with your teeth and sucking on it a little bit, giving the other one a bit of a rougher treatment by pinching and rolling it between your fingers. This earns you a deep groan and he can feel his cock twitch at the sensations, but he welcomes it. You switch to his other nipple and now tug and pinch the one you just sucked on and grazed, making them both hard for you. ''Now I'm not the only one with hard nipples,'' you joke as you come back up, attaching your mouth to his again.

This time it is Sebastian's turn to play with your nipples, but first, his arms make their way around your back, unclasping the bra and pulling it off your shoulders, throwing it in the same direction as his shirt earlier. Your breasts are extra sensitive now, and your pussy is already soaking wet, but you're both enjoying this soft foreplay way too much to go any faster, you want to completely get lost in each other's touches and sounds. He grabs both your breasts at the same time and toys with your nipples a little bit, earning him a deep moan from you, and your knees are starting to buckle a little under his gentle touches. ''Seb, please...'' you say, not sure what you're asking for but he seems to understand it without needing an explanation.

He lets go of your breasts for now, and he grabs the backs of your thighs, lifting you and wrapping your legs around his waist. He walks to the wall behind you, trapping you between his muscular body and the wall so he can continue his earlier actions, as well as kiss you again. ''You're sensitive too, baby, it makes me so hard for you,'' he mumbles in your ear before softly biting on your earlobe, earning him another moan. He kisses down your neck and finds your sensitive spot above your collarbone, all the while he keeps pinching and tugging on your sensitive nipples until they're hard. He keeps this up and you can feel your orgasm coming closer already. ''Seb, need to cum,'' you tell him and he keeps doing what he's doing now.

It doesn't take long after that before you're a complete and utter mess in his arms, cumming from just him playing with your nipples, but it is still a great orgasm nevertheless. ''Doing so good for me baby, such a good girl for Daddy,'' he whispers and you can feel your pussy practically dripping all over him at this point. ''Wanna make you cum now, Daddy,'' you say and he happily complies, walking to the bed and setting you down first, so you can take off his pants and underwear to suck him off. When you pull down his boxer briefs his big cock springs free against his abdomen, and you audibly gasp, you didn't expect him to be THIS big, the picture and video he sent earlier definitely did not do any justice to his length in width.

''Such a beautiful cock for me to suck on, Daddy,'' you say before wrapping your hand around it and he throws his head back into his neck, reveling in the pleasure you're giving him already. You lick a stripe from the bottom of his shaft up to his tip before taking him into your mouth, swallowing him whole on the first go and suddenly Sebastian has never been so glad that someone doesn't have a gag reflex. His hips buck into you automatically at the feeling earning you a deep groan from his chest, and he grabs your hair, so he can ground himself a little bit. You start bobbing your head up and down while sucking and playing with his balls, already feeling how heavy they are.

''Gonna cum down your throat, baby, swallow it all like the slut you are for Daddy,'' he gritted through his teeth as he started fucking your face, chasing his high that is inching closer with every thrust. You take everything you give him and when you lock eyes with him, he gives you one more moan before spilling all his cum in the back of your throat. ''Such a good girl for me, swallowing my cum deep down your throat like the perfect slut you are,'' he says with a grin on his face. You swallow every last drop and when he pulls out, you show him your tongue so he can see you did indeed swallow all of it. ''Hm, perfect baby, but now it's my turn to see how dripping wet this little pussy of yours is,''.

You move back on his bed and Sebastian takes his pants and underwear off completely, so he is completely bare in front of you, and you would be lying if you said you weren't drooling over him right now. He sits down on his knees on the edge of the bed, gliding his hands from your ankles up to your thighs, stroking them and moving to the inside, leaning down too to get his face dangerously close you where you're soaked, and where you need him most right now. ''Seb, need you...'' you whine a little bit and he grins up at you, before ripping your panties off. ''I'll get you new ones, don't worry,'' he said before dipping down and licking from your entrance up to your mound, getting an almost pornographic moan out of you at that point.

''Fucking hell, baby, you sound so good for me baby, sound like the perfect slut for Daddy,'' he said and it made your back arch, his praises only making you want to cum even faster. He kept licking and sucking on your pussy and your clit, as well as tongue fucking you as deep as he can go inside your entrance. Your hands have found their way into his hair, and are tugging it more and harder the closer you come to your next orgasm. ''More, need more,'' you whimper and Sebastian happily complies, sliding 2 thick fingers into your entrance at once making you moan his name over and over. ''Oh Daddy, gonna cum,'' is all the warning you give before you come violently around his fingers and on his tongue, squirting all over his face while he laps up every last drop he possibly can. ''Good fucking girl,'' Sebastian praises you before climbing over you and shoving his tongue into your mouth so you can taste yourself.

''I need to feel you so bad, baby, wanna feel your cunt around my hard cock,'' he whispers in your ear and you happily agree, not able to form words at this point but nodding enthusiastically. ''Ah, can't talk anymore? Already dumb from Daddy's tongue and fingers fucking you?'' he asks and you can't help but nod. ''Get on your hands and knees for Daddy, so I can fuck that tight pussy of yours until you squirt all over my cock,'' he says as he manhandles you onto your hands and knees this time, but you're ready instantly for him. ''Need Daddy...'' you whine as he grabs a condom out of his nightstand and rips open the packet, quickly rolling it onto his hard member and swiping the tip of it through your folds to lube it up even more.

''Ready baby?'' he asks and you nod, so Sebastian puts his cock at your entrance, slowly pushing in until he bottoms out. ''Such a tight cunt for me, my fucking god, you feel amazing baby, doing so good for Daddy,'' he said and your knees almost gave out at his praise, so he held you up by grabbing your hips, and he slowly started thrusting. He wasn't in a hurry or anything, he took his time slowly dragging his cock in and out of your soaking cunt, enjoying every second of it. You start clenching around him a little, and this is when he picks up his pace, snaking his arm around you to toy with your clit. Your arms are completely giving out now so you lay your head and chest on the bed, so Sebastian can reach the deepest parts inside you that make you see stars and all you can do is become a moaning and whimpering mess underneath him.

''Gonna cum for me again, baby? Wanna cum together with Daddy?'' he asks and you whimper your answer, trying to get out something that sounds similar to 'yes Daddy' and that is when he quickly thrust into you with an animalistic pace, he needs to come inside you, but he also needs to make you fall apart around his cock one more time. He folds himself over your back as he keeps thrusting hard and rubbing your clit, before you know it you're coming undone and all you can scream out is his name, squeezing your cock out of your cunt involuntary when you squirt again, this time even more than the last and the bed and Sebastian are soaked. With three more hard thrusts, he finally comes after burying himself deep inside you. When he has completely ridden out both of your orgasms, he slowly pulls out and lets himself fall onto the bed next to you.

''Such a good little slut for me, squirting for me like that. Wish I'd found your journal earlier, wanted to fuck you for months now,'' he said with a smile and a dreamy voice, thinking about what just happened. You're still not able to talk properly, so you just cuddle up to Sebastian for some post-sex cuddles. ''That was amazing, doll. We should do this again if you want to,'' he says and you nod. ''Want to,'' you mumble before almost falling asleep. ''Shall we take a bath together? We can relax in there and you can sleep in my arms there,'' he offers and you nod, letting out a content sigh. He got up and wrapped you around him like a koala bear, so he could run a bath for the both of you. When it was done, you had fallen asleep against his chest with your head on his shoulder, and he couldn't help but smile when he got in the bath.

When the bath was done and you had woken up again, you could finally talk again. ''Thank you for everything, Seb. I've been wanting to do that for quite a while now,'' you say with a chuckle. ''Oh, believe me, I know. You don't know half of how glad I am I happened to find your journal,'' he said before pulling you closer to him. ''I did want to discuss what we are though. Are we together, or is this more of a friends-with-benefits situation?'' he asks, a bit unsure. ''I'd like to be together, wanna be yours if you'll have me,'' you say with a big smile. ''I'd be glad to call you my girl,'' he said with a proud grin on his face. He kissed you on the top of your head before snuggling close to you as you both fall into a deep slumber.

#sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x reader #seb stan #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan smut

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xkaidaxxxx · 1 month

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Azula x Female Reader

Mentions: little angst, fluff, Lesbians

Sorry for any errors

Azula x Female Reader

“ No one has ever had to hide the way that we do Azula. I’m afraid they won’t accept us.” You said with tears slipping down your cheeks. “ Just because this stupid and horrible world judges us and says that we can be nothing that won’t stop us. I love you baby girl more than anything. I want you to be happy and enjoy every moment we have together.” Azula said. She wiped your tears. You girls loved each other but loving the same sex was seen as disgusting and almost like it’s forbidden. You and Azula met about 4 years after Zuko became the next Fire Lord. You lived in the palace due to being Mai’s long distant friend.

How you two met was a bit wild. You were out and about outside the Fire Nation. You decided to travel to Kyoshi Island and visit Ty Lee. Mai said she’d greet you with open arms. Along the way you needed to stop at a Hotel and eventually found one. It was large,beautiful and expensive, it almost looked like a section of the palace.. Perfect for Azula. She knew how to survive. She’s strong, smart, beautiful and wild. On the way inside you bumped into a group of men. They looked very important. “Watch where you are going, you insolent girl.” one of the men said, shoving you away. You landed on your side. You had a bit of a spicy side of yourself. Standing up you turned your water into ice cutting cheek.“ You’re not a gentleman at all you asshole.” Azula walked over. “You’re making a scene outside my Hotel. You stupid guys run along before I kill you myself.” Her face confirmed her words. As she turned to look at you her heart skipped a beat. You were wearing some short tights with a short blue and white skirt over it. Your shirt was white with blue snowflake prints. Your shoes were cute as well. The way you wore your hair showed your wonderful facial features. Azula was checking you out. You cleared your throat. “I’d like a room please.” you also checked her out as you walked behind her into the Hotel. Azula was highly aware of it. She saw the mirror. “ What are you doing traveling alone?” Azula asked, grabbing a key and showing you to your room. “I’m on my way to visit a friend.” you replied feeling a bit lonely. “You sound lonely. I’ll keep you company since midday. I’ll show you around. Come on, pretty lady.” Azula said grabbing you and all day you went around town having fun. You thought you’d stay longer. Longer meaning about 6 months and along the way you fell in love. One day you were at a temple confessing what you were feeling. An old lady overheard you. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of loving someone so dearly and passionately. Don’t ignore your feelings otherwise you’ll regret it later on.” you smiled and ran back to Azula. The sun went down by then. As Azula was about to get ready you walked into her room. “Oh hey y/n. Is everything alright? Do you need something?”She asked and stepped forward as you started crying. You didn’t even know it was happening. This was your chance and you took it. You went up to her tipped toed and gave her a loving kiss. She was shocked at first but relaxed and kissed back. It got heated to the point where she hovered over you on the bed. You blushed. “I love you.” you spoke playing with the necklace you had on. “ I love you too.” Azula replied.

After that it was history.

“ If Mai and Zuko reject us..it’s fine but are you sure?” Azula asked. “Yes Azula..I want to live a normal life here without being attacked.” You replied. Azula waited at the balcony as you went to see Zuko and Mai. “ FireLord Zuko. Thank you for making time to see me..I have a request.” You said formally. Zuko stood up and walked over. He smiled and smacked your arm. “y/n. Don’t treat me like we don’t know each other idiot.” He replied. You smiled and giggled with Mai. “Now what’s your request?” he asked. “I would like to live here in the Fire Nation permanently..I swear I won’t cause any trouble and I will use my Water bending only for good like I always have.” you replied playing with your necklace. “Yeah you’re my friend and Mai’s basically sister.” He replied, rubbing your arm. “I want to live with my other half.” you said and Mai squealed. Odd of her to do. “You never told me you had a boyfriend!!” you looked away. “I love that person more than anything..outside..I would like you to meet.” you walked over to the balcony. Azula turned around. She went and kneeled down. “Its an honor to see you FireLord Zuko.” She said, looking at him. It wasn’t Mai she was worried about but her brother. The one she has hurt her entire life. The person she tried to kill. “Get up.” Zuko ordered. She obeyed. “ This is my girlfriend Azula.” You said. You were confused on why Zuko and Mai were upset. “What’s going on?” you asked. “ She’s Zuko’s little sister. Azula. She is a monster. How the hell did you fall in love with someone who has killed people and tried killing her own brother?” Mai said she was upset for sure but she also felt betrayed. “I’ve changed. I love y/n. I am happy with her. After the war it took some time for me to open my eyes and heart but I did. I met y/n only 6 months ago. We want to start a new life here. Please..if you wont accept me..at least allow her to live here peacefully.” Azula said. Her heart was aching on how they reacted but she expected that. How could she not. “ Zuko..Mai, I’m in love with Azula. I want to grow old with her. She’s my life and world. Please consider it.” You cried. They just stood there without saying a word. Azula held you close. She did that because she felt like it would be the last time she’d ever see you before they’d take and lock her up, for all the pain, suffering she committed and war crimes. Zuko saw how much they truly love each other. How you were certain she was the one for you. “Look you know what..We don’t care if you don’t accept our relationship but I love her and we think we start-” You were cut off by Zuko. “You can live here..only in the palace. That way I can keep a close eye on Azula. The world doesn’t need to suffer again. Azula..you are my little sister…so I’m giving you a chance..I don’t trust you yet..You better love Y/n to death. Do not hurt her in any way. If you do, you'll regret it.” He replied walking away getting your room ready. Azula carried you and spun you around. You giggled then kissed her as she set you down. Mai coughed. You two stopped. “Right s-sorry.” Azula said. “You girls will have a room to have fun.” Mai said. You blushed and your cheeks felt hot. “Mai!!” you yelled. Azula looked at her and smirked. You girls couldn’t help but laugh loudly. Zuko heard you all laughing and he smiled. "I'm glad she found someone. Azula you got blessed." He spoke.

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pomplalamoose · 5 months

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DILF Luke headcanons / story draft pt. 5

🩵modern day AU🩵

A/N: Hellooo! So while this is the official last part of these headcanons/ this story draft, it's definitely not my last post about Dilf Luke.

I simply wanted to finish fully exploring the potential confrontations and misunderstandings I had in mind before going back to more lighthearted content such as "dating Dilf Luke" or "spending Christmas with Dilf Luke"

I hope that's in your interest as well, have fun reading and thank you so so much for your support🫶🏻🩵

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

• never before have you seen him like this and his intensity scares you

• theoretically speaking you know his anger isn't directed at you but the way he literally has you cornered, without a possibility to escape or change the topic, makes it rather hard to focus on that

• your mind is racing

• should you play along or expose your friends scheme?

• if only you knew all the details they came up with

• "Can we- can we go home to talk? I mean, to your house?"

• his knuckles around the steering wheel momentarily turn white before he sighs and reaches over you to strap you in

• for a moment you consider telling him that you are well able to put the seat belt on yourself but decide otherwise

• his cologne smells heavenly

• while he carefully merges the car into traffic, you discreetly take out your phone to text your friend

• since you doubt you'll get a chance to talk to them once you arrive, now is the time to collect as much information as you can

• "remember that one awful ex of yours?" comes the answer "yeahhhh I told my dad about him and said you're back together, so sorry xxx"

• pulling a face you start to reply

• but before you can hit send or see what else they have to say, Luke snatches the phone out of your hand and slides it into his breast pocket

• you gasp looking up at him, momentarily angry

• "I won't allow you to converse with that...person any longer, do I make myself clear?"

• you blink confusedly but quickly understand he thinks you were texting your supposed boyfriend

• you are about to say something, but then, remembering his car rule, decide to quickly clamp your mouth shut again

• better to not make this worse until you know what's going on

• the rest of the way you sit in silence

• Luke is fuming

• though now, that he has you safely by his side to keep an eye on you, he's slowly growing calmer

• the added fact that you called his home your home is nearly able to overshadow what his child oh so casually shared with him over breakfast

• yes, he can admit that perhaps his proceedings were somewhat hasty

• he definitely overstepped a line by taking your phone away

• and he's aware he scared you again

• with his hand on your thigh he can easily tell how tense you have grown

• slightly turning his head he sees how hard you're holding on to the straps of your bag and inwardly heaves a sighs

• you must believe he's angry at you; by now he knows you well enough to tell

• he doesn't want you to be afraid

• not of him

• NEVER of him

• at the thought he feels his anger bubbling to the surface again

• he doesn't understand how you could ever involve yourself with that imbecile of a man, while simultaneously failing to see him

• he's right there, right in front of you!

• there's so much he could offer you instead

• what does the other have that he doesn't?

• "owww"

• your little sound brings him back to the present and immediately he feels overwhelmed with guilt

• he is no better than your abusive so called "boyfriend"

• "I'm so sorry, sweetheart", he hears himself say; the words simply slipping out and away before he can stop himself

• but "'s okay", you whisper and release your bag to shyly touch his hand

• he called you sweetheart again

• your heart is racing and as your skin makes contact with his you suddenly feel rather light headed at your own boldness

• quickly you pull away again

• Luke restrains himself from ordering you to place your hand right back on his

• where it belongs

• you don't dare to ask him to return your phone

• not when the two of you eventually make it to your destination

• not when he helps you out of the car to lead you inside

• not when you sit down on the couch in the living room and make eye contact with your friend lingering near by

• especially not when his next course of action is to send them away

• you don't know what to expect, the anxiety making you feel slightly sick to your stomach

• you can't decide on what would be worse, an interrogation or a stern lecture like last time?

• but then he sits down close to you and when he speaks his voice is the gentlest it has ever been

• he isn't angry at you, just so, so worried

• who is that guy his child told him about?

• how did you end up in such bad company?

• are you really dating him?

• was this really your choice?

• or did he force you, leave you no other choice?

• does he hurt you?

• is he the reason you're not coming to visit anymore?

• is he systematically isolating you from your family and friends?

• you can tell him, you really can, he promises not to judge

• he'll take care of anything you ask if that's what you need to break free from this

• everything to make this easier for you

• he knows he's not your father, but surely he will never get a single night's sleep ever again knowing you're in a potentially dangerous situation

• please, break this off, he doesn't want for any harm to befall you

• overwhelmed you don't know what and how to respond

• at some point the situation got out of hand and there are so many things that you feel need to be taken into consideration

• so many questions

• it has never been more obvious how much Luke cares and how genuine his worries for you are

• but how does he view himself in relation to you?

• as a father figure or as a friend...or as something more?

• it would be easy enough to ask but you fear you won't get an answer, that he'll abruptly shut you out once more

• but won't he do so anyways when this conversation is done and over with?

• so far he always did after sharing an intimate moment with you

• confessing your own feelings isn't an option either, you promised your friend not to

• and from what you were told it would only elicit the same reaction

• in the worst case scenario it would lead to a rejection and a broken heart

• but even if it came to this, you could still uphold your friendship with your best friend, couldn't you?

• you wouldn't abandon them just because their father rejected you

• or maybe they want you to keep your secret for another reason entirely

• maybe they lied to you too

• this is such a mess and slowly the uncomfortable reality dawns on you then; there's no way out of this without someone getting hurt

• still you don't know what to say

• you look up at him and the pleading look in his lovely blue eyes; he truly is upset

• it would be easy, a relief even, to speak out, you think

• it would only be fair

• but continuing to lie would mean keeping your promise to your friend, saving face in front of their father

• in your panic you decide on something as close to the truth as possible

• "I- I don't know what to do"

• it's so hard to hold his gaze and when it inevitably softens even more, you start to cry

• alarmed he immediately reaches for you but you can't- you just can't take his comfort for a situation that is purely made up

• sobbing you push his arms away, desperate to ignore the way his brow furrows in...hurt?

• "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry"

• your words only serve to confuse and worry him even more

• what are you sorry for?

• what is it?

• oh won't you tell him?

• he'll make it all better if only you'll let him know what's wrong

• he'll keep it a secret too, nothing, not a word will leave this room if that's what you're afraid of

• ignoring your defensive gestures he cradles your face in his hands

• something in you breaks

• you have to tell him

• you just HAVE to

• how could you ever enjoy his caring attention when all it's based on is a lie?

• you'd rather have a broken heart borne out of honesty

• will your friend forgive you?

• will they understand?

• you hope so; the damage is done

• unable to calm down, with tears still spilling from your eyes, it takes you a while to stumble through your explanation

• Luke grows very quiet

• the fact that he's listening so intently, trying to understanding what's going on, only hurts you more

• you're horribly ashamed

• and even though you try to describe the situation from your point of view as best as you can, you feel like it will never be enough to make up for everything

• "I promised my friend not to tell you about my feelings for you", you say, "they are afraid it's going to end our friendship when you send me away."

• softly shaking his head he takes your hand in his to gently wipe your cheeks

• you gave him a lot to think about and eventually he will need to have several very very serious talks with you as well as with his child

• but right now he wants you to stop crying

• he is not angry at you

• in fact he's mostly relieved you're not dating that ex of yours again

• he tells you how thankful he is for your honesty; he sees and respects the courage it took to tell the truth

• it will all be okay, he promises

• you will always be welcome here at his house

***

• "so, do you think that means he likes me?", you ask your friend after a few weeks went by

• they give you a look

• "you're driving me insane, do you know that?"

• they never told you about any details of the several long conversations they had with their father

• you are able to take guesses though and understand they don't want to share certain aspects, especially not those that might involve their dead mother and you

• still it'd be a lie to claim you aren't exceptionally curious

• first and foremost because their father didn't comment on your feelings towards him in any way

• and like it so often is the case you are left guessing

• maybe he does return your feelings but isn't acting on them because of his child

• or your age difference

• or because he doesn't know where to start and is embarrassed by it

• or maybe he doesn't want to enter another relationship because of his late wife?

• maybe he needs more time

• possibly he doesn't return your feelings and just didn't tell you to avoid hurting you and his child

• "Not knowing what's going on is driving ME insane! Didn't you say you want him to be upfront about how he feels towards me?", you ask

• your friend agrees

• "and I told him too", they say

• falling quiet you look at each other, when suddenly you can tell they made up their mind about something

• they'll let you in on a secret

• as it turns out their father didn't tell them anything regarding his feelings either

• but they know him well and it's obvious to see there's something going on

• they thought a lot about your descriptions of his behavior around you; the presents, his touches, his protectiveness, the pet name, the lingering gazes, all the offers to stay over, to drive you home, to help you out...

• "you were right to ask me if he's like this with all of my friends", they say "because he isn't"

• he isn't like this with anybody

• expect with you

• "do you mind?", you ask

• your friend admits they aren't sure

• they want to be happy that their father seems to be slowly moving on but like, how weird is it to think he'd be fucking their best friend?

• at your loud protest they have to laugh but quickly grow serious again

• "I'd be glad if it's you he goes for", they say "and not some woman I don't know who will want to be my new mom. But that doesn't mean I'm fully on board with this."

• you understand; of course you do

• they explain that they want their dad to be happy

• and if he is happy with you then so be it

• they absolutely don't want to witness any displays of affection between him and you though

• you are only allowed to move in once they have a chance to move out

• you will most definitely not call yourself their step mom, not even as a joke

• they won't give you relationship advice and don't want to hear any stories whatsoever involving their dad (okay, maybe they'll make an exception for the funny ones)

• but under no circumstances will they tolerate you spending more time with their father than with them

• they were your friend first

• it's a promise you give easily and without second thought

• never would you want to trade them against anything or anyone, not even their father

• they visibly relax at that

• "yeah well you can go have him then but I'm not helping you", they say with a shooing hand motion

• as relatively easy, even if not very happy, you feel about your current situation, Luke isn't able to say the same

• already over a month has passed since you dissolved into tears in front of him and admitted to your crush

• here you were, presenting yourself on a pretty silver platter, basically throwing yourself at him

• and still he didn't do and hasn't done anything about it, made immobile by his past experiences and fears of the future

• as different, as gentle, as you are from his late wife, he's afraid

• he's a coward

• what if he looses his temper?

• what if the ugly parts she used to coax to the surface so easily show themselves when he's with you?

• would you ever be able to look at him the same again?

• no, you'd probably leave him and it'd be his fault

• and he'd have to watch you go; he knows he would

• he can't let himself grow as dangerously and unhealthily possessive as he used to be

• you deserve a better version of him, even in the end

• and, most importantly, what would his child say?

• he could never make them choose between him and you

• what if they'd loose their dear friend?

• how could he ever make up for it again when similar things already happened so many times?

• and yet, despite it all, there's another part of him, a part that's raging against every single one of his reasons

• it's screaming at him to take the opportunity

• to take you

• you asked for it

• you are here

• he just needs to reach out, what is he waiting for

• now more than ever he notices things he was blind to before

• how you look at him when he opens the door to greet you, when he enters a room, when he sits across from you at dinner or beside you in the car

• he notices your eyes growing bigger, the blush on your cheeks and how you unconsciously worry your lip when he speaks to you

• he should have kissed you senseless

• long and hard and ruthless

• oh how he would've liked to, how close he came...and then felt like he'd be taking advantage of you if he did

• you were so distraught, so helpless, it wouldn't have been right

• and now, stuck in his inner conflict, paralyzed, he's watching you float away and out of his grasp as he keeps trying to convince himself it's better that way

• you'll find someone else

• someone your age

• someone as innocent as you

• someone that will treat you well

• someone without desires as dirty as his

• he tries to imagine how a perfect partner for you would look like

• but every time he does, it's like he's being devoured alive by all consuming jealousy

• he has to ask at least, he realizes

• he has to ask if you'd still take him, want him, if he made a move now?

• even over a month later?

• it will be easier to move on then, to say goodbye, with a no for an answer

(to his immense surprise you'll prove him wrong and say yes, but he doesn't know that yet)

#luke skywalker #luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker x you #luke star wars #dilf luke #dilf luke skywalker #luke skywalker fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #star wars #fanfic #star wars headcanons #luke headcanons #headcanons #star wars a new hope #star wars empire strikes back #star wars return of the jedi

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livingbarbie · 10 months

Text

stop consuming content that makes you feel bad !!

this may seem like a very obvious statement, but i feel like many people don't truly understand what it means. personally, i didn't grasp this concept fully until only a few months ago.

when i first started implementing this into my life, i really only focused on social media. while limiting social media has a great impact of your self esteem and mindset, it is so easy to forget the other types of media that we consume on the daily. this can include music, films, books, etc.

it's a very normalised concept to be constantly listening to sad and depressing music, as well as watching sad movies, reading sad books, whatever. while i also enjoy these things, it is so important to understand that they have a time and place.

the biggest issue for me when it came to depressing media was music.

if you wake up in the morning and the first thing you listen to is 'chinese satellite' by phoebe bridgers, you have to understand that you are kind of setting yourself up for a rough day. when the first thing you give your mind in the morning is depressing, it will carry that with you for the rest of your day. on the hand, if you wake up and listen to something that makes you feel calm, happy, or anything positive, you will carry that with you throughout the day.

another thing you need to do is take that music OUT of your playlists. it has no business playing on shuffle while you're having a good day, so do not give it the opportunity to do so. something that i found really helpful was making a single playlist where i put all the music that makes me feel down. i find sad music to be helpful when i am doing some rough shadow work, or i just need to have a good cry. those are the only times i reach for that playlist, because otherwise i am making myself sad when i really do not need to be.

these things are so much harder to implement than they sound. a year ago i was exclusively listening to sad music, and it took a long time for me to understand that it was not benefitting me at all. once i was able to remove most of this extra sadness from my everyday life, i felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders.

believe me when i say i still slip up every once in a while, and end up putting melodrama on shuffle for no good reason. that is okay! it truly is just about moderation, and understanding when it is becoming an issue.

stay dreamy, my angels <3

#self love #self care #dream girl #it girl #pink pilates princess #motivation #girl blogger #self improvement #barbie #feminine energy #wonyoungism #glow up

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bloody-cupcakes · 13 days

Text

Yandere/dark Tenth Doctor x reader; he helps you celebrate your birthday

Tw: yandere/dark content, soft yandere, threatened force feeding (it doesn't happen though), implied kidnapping/Stockholm syndrome, gender neutral reader, the Doctor uses affectionate pet names such as star, angel, and love, brief swearing, referenced past hypnotism/mind control

A/N: it's my birthday and I happen to share it with none other David Tennant himself so naturally I had to write something a little dark with the Tenth Doctor in order to celebrate 🥳🎈🎂

The bed dipped down beside you as you tried to play it off like you were still asleep. "Happy birthday, star," the Doctor softly cooed in your ear, gently shaking you as you laid there. Obviously he figured out you were faking. "It's time to get up so I can give you your gift."

You pressed your face closer into the pillow and let out a defiant huff. "I don't wanna," you whined quietly, almost too quiet for him to hear. As much as you might've enjoyed your birthday before, you'd recently been dreading its approach due to the circumstances you found yourself in.

Part of you had hoped that maybe he wouldn't remember, and then you could say you didn't remember either if it ever came up in further conversation, but unfortunately you had no such luck. You didn't even question how he knew it: at this point you didn't want to know where he got any additional information that you didn't willingly give up.

"I said, it's time to get up." His tone was a bit more forceful than before; it made you gulp nervously and sent shivers down your spine. "I don't want to have to repeat myself again, understood?"

"Yes, sir," you responded obediently, your voice sounding timid and meek as you slowly sat up in the bed. "I'm sorry." You stuck your bottom lip out and widened your eyes, trying to make yourself look as innocent and unsuspecting as possible, something you knew he always fell for.

"I guess I'm just a little upset that I won't be getting to spend today with my family." It could very well have been a bold faced lie, but he didn't need to know that. It wouldn't matter, anyway. You knew he wasn't going to take you back home, but at the very least you were hoping for some sympathy, which you got.

"Oh, angel..." His voice went back to its usual soft spoken tone as he pulled you onto his lap, his brow furrowed as his eyes filled with concern. "I know you miss them, love, but I can't take you back. You know that. Besides, this is your home now." He gestured to your room inside the TARDIS, one that he filled with items he'd taken from your old place.

Against your better judgement, you cuddled up close to him on his lap, nuzzling your face into the side of his neck. You inhaled the scent of his aftershave, something that you thought you'd always hate when he first took you. Now, though, it provided you some much needed comfort whenever you were feeling down.

"I'm going to go get your gift, okay? I'll be right back." You made a soft noise of protest as he slipped you off his lap and back onto the bed, watching as he got up and left the room. Pouting, you crossed your arms and just sat there, waiting for him to return.

The Doctor soon returned, carrying a plate with a large slice of birthday cake on it. He chuckled upon seeing the grouchy look on your face. "I told you I'd be right back." He walked over and took a seat back on the bed, setting the plate down in front of you. "Boy, you must've missed me an awful lot, hm?"

You stuck your tongue out to show you didn't appreciate his teasing. "Careful, otherwise your face is going to freeze like that." He picked up the fork and stuck it in the slice of cake, breaking off a piece before holding it up. "Look, I got your favorite."

Knowing exactly what he wanted, you kept your mouth shut, refusing to eat the piece of cake on front of you. If you were in a better mood, then maybe you'd be fine with it. After all, you'd grown used to him feeding you, even if it was a tad bit degrading.

But today was just not the day for all of that. You couldn't be sure exactly what time it was, as there wasn't a clock in your room, but you were fairly certain he'd woken you up just past midnight . Honestly, the nerve to not even let you sleep on on your own birthday.

"I don't want any. I'm not hungry," you mumbled as you looked down, not feeling brave enough to meet his gaze, even if you were openly defying him by refusing the "gift" he'd gotten you.

"Very funny, star. I woke you up early, so now you're going to be a brat and refuse to eat your cake," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at you. "Look, would you just eat it? It's only one slice, love, c'mon now."

"No. I said I don't want to," you blurted out in frustration, glaring at him. The moment his eyes darkened, you felt your blood run cold, realizing you'd made a mistake. "I- I'm sorry, I'm just a little tired-"

Your poorly made excuses were cut off quickly by the Doctor's harsh tone. "I don't care how tired you are, do you hear me? We are going to sit here until you eat every damn bite, if I have to force it down your throat."

A loud whimper of fear escaped you at his scolding tone, causing him to let out a sigh as he recognized he'd gone a bit too far. "Love, I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean to be so rough sounding with you," he gently reassured you as he shifted closer to you on the bed.

Deciding it wasn't worth it to fight him (despite how much you really didn't want to be held), you allowed him to pull you onto his lap for a second time. "I'm sorry, angel. I didn't mean to upset you in that way," he spoke in a low and soothing voice while wrapping his arms around you.

"You were mean," you choked out as your eyes began to fill with tears. Although it was ridiculous to believe, especially with no proof, you always thought he'd done something that made you much more emotional and sensitive than you used to be, just so he could have the chance to comfort you.

(Technically your suspicions weren't all that far off, as he'd asked a favor from his best enemy back when he first took you. He figured that maybe if you were more docile and submissive it'd be easier to make you stay with him, so he convinced the Master to hypnotize you in an effort to change the chemistry of your brain and make it so you'd be dependent fully on him. Of course, you didn't know any of this, though it wouldn't have surprised you even if you did.)

"I know I was, love, and I'm sorry." He reached over and moved the plate, resting it on your thigh as he picked up the fork again. "Just eat this, then you can go back to bed, okay? I promise." The offer was certainly tempting, and the cake didn't actually look (or smell) that bad.

"Okay," you sniffled in a small voice, opening your mouth just enough for him to stick the fork in. The taste of the buttercream frosting hit your tongue first, the silky smooth texture followed by the fluffiness of the cake. The Doctor smiled in delight as he watched you eat it.

"Good, good. There you go, see? I knew you'd like it." He broke off another piece from the slice and held it up to your mouth again, feeding you in almost the same manner a mother would to her child. "You're doing so well for me, star, I'm so proud of you."

You felt your face heat up in a blush at his praise, humming happily as you continued to eat. His words of encouragement pushed you to keep eating, even if you weren't really that hungry to begin with. A full belly and an empty plate later, you were finally done, licking your lips clean of icing.

"See, that wasn't so bad, now was it?" He placed the fork on the plate and set them both down on the bedside table. "Did you enjoy your gift, star, hm? I thought you might like it, seeing as that's your favorite."

As you were still savoring the final bites of the slice of cake, you nodded your head eagerly. He grinned in response, glad to know you'd liked it. "Good, I'm glad." Noticing there was some icing smeared on your upper lip, he leaned in and dragged his tongue across it suddenly, an action that left you both shocked and flustered.

Laughing at your reaction, he gave your lips a quick kiss before saying in a low and suggestive voice, "I'm sorry, angel, I just couldn't resist. You looked too sweet not to taste for myself."

Too embarrassed to say anything, you turned and buried your face into his chest, which only caused him to laugh harder. "Oh, star, you're always so easy to tease." He ran his hand up and down your back in a comforting fashion, smirking playfully.

A soft yawn could be heard coming from you as drowsiness started to overcome you. "I'm really tired, can I go back to sleep now?" You asked in a sleepy mumble, looking up at him with eyes that were droopy as an effect of being woken up in the middle of the night.

"Of course you can, love. I won't keep you awake any longer." He pulled the covers over top of you before flicking off the lamp beside the bed. Pressing a loving kiss to your head, you could hear him faintly murmur just before you drifted off to sleep: "happy birthday".

#a birthday gift I wrote for myself that I'm deciding to share 🥳#doctor who #tw yandere #dark fic #doctor who x reader #dark doctor who #doctor who fic #yandere doctor who #tenth doctor #yandere tenth doctor #dark tenth doctor #tenth doctor imagine #tenth doctor x reader #10th doctor #10th doctor imagine #10th doctor x reader #david tennant x reader

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bullet-prooflove · 8 months

Note

You’ve created a monster 👿 and because you told me to request you best believe I’m gonna %1000 come thru! So BETCH I am on my knees begging you to please do a part 2 or better yet even a full update 😆 of your Nero/Cam girl series please! I would love her reaction to him confessing his feelings for her and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN PLEASE GIVE US THE SMUT WE DESERVE FINALLY!!! You are literally torturing me with these two because every time I read an update you post of them Im left yelling in frustration because the sexual tension is legit torture when you leave us with just a tease of them!!!

So please put me out of my misery and don’t let me endure another moment of torture because I just might break

💛💛💛

Keep up the awesomeness and can’t wait for your next update Queen

Companion piece to Day Off

This did not go the way I planned...

“I love you.” He tells you. “I’ve loved you since the moment we met.”

You don’t believe him; Nero can see it in your expression. You turn your head back towards the sky, your fingertips slipping from his so that your palm comes to rest upon your stomach. There’s a tension in your shoulders that resonates through your entire body.

“Is that what you say to all the other girls?” You ask him, your voice a rasp as you stare up at the clouds. “Is that why they sell themselves for you?”

“What?” He spits the word out like a curse because never in a million years did, he expect this from you.

There’s an agony blossoming in his chest, and he tries to shut it down, to be rational but truly you’ve shaken him. He can’t understand how he could have been so wrong about a person.

“I know when I’m being played Nero.” You say quietly, toying with the silver rings on your fingers. “I know what it means when a man says that he loves you, I know what’s expected in return.”

“That’s not what…” He trails off, his lips clamping together as he forces himself up into a sitting position, his elbows coming to rest on his knees as he inclines his head towards you. “You’re fucked up you know that?”

You lay there still sprawled on the grass; your arm thrown up over your head like in one of your boudoir shots on the website.

So fucking tempting and so fucking infuriating all at the same time.

“Do you think I’d be doing this job otherwise?” You ask him as you flick your sunglasses down from their place on the top of your head so that they cover your eyes. “Do you think I’d be selling myself if I was ‘normal’?”

Something happened to you, he feels it in his bones. Someone turned you out and once that happens you can never go back. You re-live the ways you’ve been used even when you step away from the life, it carves itself into your psyche. This he realises must be the compromise. The camming.

You don’t hook anymore, but you sell yourself in a different way and it erodes at your soul little by little until there’s nothing left but an emptiness right where it used to be. He thinks that’s what he’s looking at right now, that vastness. Someone reached into the depths of your spirit, and they tore it to pieces. He sees exactly who you are, and he loves you for it, the problem is your experiences have always been transactional, no matter what he says you’ll never believe him.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He tells you with a sigh. “It’s too much. I can’t be around you.”

There’s no way to win, he understands that now. In your mind, he will always be a pimp and you will always be a whore, trying to claw your way out from underneath him, even if it wasn’t him that put you there in the first place.

“Alright.” You say, your voice devoid of emotion. “I’ll get myself out of Diosa tomorrow.”

#nero padilla x reader #nero soa #nero padilla #nero padilla x you

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blueicequeen19 · 2 years

Text

Distraction Pt. 4

JJ remained silent at Rafe’s demand and I felt myself slipping into exhaustion. Rafe carefully freed himself from me and wrapped his button up around my shoulders before ushering me to sit in the chair we’d just fucked on after cleaning up my mess. The whole time JJ glared at Rafe, his nose scrunching in disgust.

“You look like you have something you want to say? But I have to warn you. If you insult her, I’ll cut out your tongue and feed it to you.” Rafe says casually, like it’s another day at the office. JJ looks between us as I fight to catch my breath. I shouldn’t have liked the way Rafe stood up for me. The way he talked about me like I wasn’t even here.

“I’m not telling you shit, you psycho.” JJ finally said and my shoulders sagged in defeat. I had to do something or JJ wouldn’t be getting out of this alive. Rafe chuckled, picking up the gun again.

“Wait.” I said softly and Rafe’s eyes fell on mine.

“Let him go and I’ll stay. Willingly. I won’t try to escape. I’ll be yours wholeheartedly.”

“Aren’t you anyways?” JJ scoffs before Rafe can answer. My heart hurts from the venom in his voice. “You sure seemed to enjoy what just happened. Have you even wondered what happened to us? Where we’ve been? Instead of laying on your back for Rafe?” The back of the pistol lands across JJ’s cheek and I wince. JJ spats blood on the floor as my heart quickly shatters. Is that what they all thought?

“Is that what you think?” My voice breaks as tears fill my eyes. I did this for them. I did what I needed to do. Yet JJ looked at me with as much disgust as he did Rafe.

“You’re not exactly trying to prove me otherwise.” JJ counters.

“He had a gun to your head. Was I supposed to let him shoot you?” I snap, wiping my tears with the sleeve of Rafe’s shirt. The whole time Rafe watches our exchange with very little emotion on his face. Like he’s just playing referee.

“This time. But honestly, you tell yourself whatever you need to so you can sleep at night.” JJ spats and the hole in my chest consumes me.

“Do you think I stayed because I want to? I told John B to go. To escape with you guys and I’d distract Rafe. I did what I had to do. I was stuck on that ship with him until recently. I had no choice.” My voice raises to a yell as anger builds.

“You didn’t have to fuck him. You didn’t.” JJ shrugs and a defeated chuckle shakes my chest.

“Why? I wasn’t a virgin. You certainly made no claim to me. I could’ve fucked anyone on that ship but you’re mad because it was Rafe?”

“I thought better of you, Y/N. So how close are you guys for me to be the one strapped to a chair and you’re not?”

“What is wrong with you? Why are you treating me like this?” I cry and JJ shakes his head, lips pulled back in a snarl. I look to Rafe, wiping more tears away.

“I can’t stand to look at you! You’re covered in bruises! You fucked Rafe Cameron and kept doing it! That’s not the Y/N I know! You’re already becoming more like him. You should not have stayed. We would’ve figured it out.” JJ’s words are like a punch to the gut and I slump in the chair with defeat. My best friend hated me. Maybe I was becoming drawn to Rafe. Maybe that’s why I hated him so much.

I slowly raise to my feet, standing in front of JJ as we lock eyes. He could lash out at me all he wanted but his eyes didn’t hide the pain he felt. If he wanted to blame me, hate me, hurt me, then fine. He couldn’t hate me anymore than I hated myself.

I couldn’t sleep even after the exhausting events that took place last night. Where were the Pogues? What happens now? Are we leaving again? Did JJ feel guilty about me offering myself up as bait? Would he have stopped me if I’d been next to him instead of John B?

I shook my head as I dried my hair. No. There was no other option. I look up as Rafe emerges from the bedroom, naked and hard. He looked ruffled by sleep and his hair was a mess. A faint bite mark was on his shoulder that I hadn’t realized I’d left.

“Morning.” Rafe grumbles, stepping up to the vanity and brushing his teeth. I stay silent. What is appropriate conversation when you decide to stay with your captor? Rafe rinses his mouth out before turning on me. His finger catches the front of my towel and tugs it open, letting it fall to the floor.

“I’m hard.” Rafe states, advancing on me in the en suite. I press my back against the glass shower door as his eyes rake over me.

“You’re always hard.” I state and he smirks, stroking himself from base to tip as he looks at me hungrily.

“What was that last night? He treats you like shit and you still trade yourself for his freedom. Again. Why?” Rafe asks, rubbing his leaking tip across my stomach. I don’t answer. I guess part of me will always try to protect him even when he’s cast me to the side.

“Do you still love him?” Rafe demands, gripping my chin and forcing me to look up at him. His free hand slips between my thighs, finding me slick and ready. I close my eyes as he caresses my clit with thick fingers.

“Answer me or I won’t let you cum.” His voice lowers and it sends butterflies straight to my core.

“I don’t want to cum.” I counter, pressing my thighs together. Rafe leans down, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth as he moves to my throat.

“I’ll make you in front of him again. Burn that image into his brain forever.” Rafe threatens and I widen my legs again in defeat.

“When are you going to stop forcing me into sex?” I grumble as a thick finger enters me and I bite back a moan.

“When you stop soaking your panties the moment I touch you.” I groan when another finger slips inside me and his lips find mine in a burning kiss.

“You’re not thinking about him anymore, are you?” Rafe taunts me as he fingers me harder, curling his fingers as I roll my hips to meet him.

“Stop talking about him.” I pant and Rafe rips his fingers away, stepping back from me with a feral look.

“Why does he deserve your undying loyalty? He doesn’t want you anymore. He’s disgusted by you. Why don’t you look at him the way you look at me?” Rafe shouts, shoving everything off the vanity. I don’t even flinch. I’m used to his temper tantrums.

“I’m staying of my own free will. That’s all you’re getting from me.” I snap and he shakes his head. I can’t tear my gaze away from his cock. It’s so hard and almost red. That slight curve so prominent with how hard he is. I’d grown so used to the constant orgasms that now I was craving it. He wasn’t the only one who was painfully turned on.

“That’s not all I’m getting.” Rafe snarls, his hand shooting out and grabbing the back of my neck as he hauls me back to the bedroom. He manhandles me onto the bed, shoving my face down into the mattress with my ass high in the air. I open my mouth to fight him when his mouth finds my clit, killing any protests I had. The sheets get twisted around my fists as I cry out, feeling him fuck me with his tongue.

“You’re mine. Your body knows it. Your head will catch up.” Rafe growls against the most sensitive parts of me. He grabs a pillow and shoves it under my stomach before forcing me down and straddling me. I hear him spit then he’s working a finger inside my other hole.

“Rafe, oh God, no.” I tremble as he eases in and out slowly with just the tip of his finger.

“I’m not stopping until you can’t walk. Maybe then your attitude will change.” He spits again as he adds a second finger, stretching me despite the burning. Another finger slips inside my clenching pussy and pleasure courses through my body, tingles racing down to my toes as an orgasm approaches too quickly. I cum with a strangled scream, my body shaking uncontrollably. I’m not done when he replaces his fingers with something much thicker, pressing deeper and deeper despite my cries.

“Rafe!” I cry and he chuckles, tracing his hands up my back as he rolls his hips back and forth.

“That’s only half way, baby.” I groan, feeling completely split open. I turn my head, panting against the mattress as he keeps going. Just when I think I can’t take anymore, I feel him flush against my ass, his hands braced on either side of me.

“God, so fucking tight. This is going to be over quick.” Rafe chuckles. I couldn’t hardly breathe. I needed something but I didn’t know what.

“Play with yourself. You can do it.” Rafe starts to move and I quickly bring my hand between my thighs, moaning when I reach the tiny bud.

“That’s it. That’s my girl.” My head arches off the bed as it hits me, Rafe devours my neck and shoulder as I cum harder than I ever had in my life. His hand clamps over my mouth to cut off my screams as he fucks me harder, chasing his own release until he finally cums with a yell. His fingers find mine, his body still molded to mine as we remain stuck together.

“You’re going to love me like you do him. You’re going to need me like you do him. If not, I’ll kill him. I had no problem trying to kill my own sister so don’t think I won’t off him just as easily. So you can either mourn his death or love me to save his life.”

“What are you going to do with him?” I whimper, his cock still throbbing inside me.

“That depends entirely on you.”

“You agreed to let him go if I stayed.”

“And he’ll keep breathing as long as you do your part.”

“You’d want me to love you based on blackmail? That’s not very romantic.” Rafe chuckles as he slips from me, a deep ache settling in as he pulls on a pair of boxers then cleans me up with a towel. I already wanted to go back to bed and hide.

“Call it a trade. Plus, I’ve already defended you more than he ever has. What do you think he’ll tell the others as soon as he sees them? To them you’ve already sided with the enemy so we might as well make it official.”

Tag list: @lovedetlost @hoebx @strokesofstokes @alizabethcs @carnisidi @famousdestinygarden @i-always-come-back-xoxo @pankowforlife @my-baexht-ls @onmykneesforrafe @slutforsmutsstuff @bethoconnor @hellosexxxysalvatore Let me know if I missed anyone! 💕

#smutwarning #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #jj obx #obx2 #jj maybank fluff #outer banks smut #jj maybank x you #rafecameron #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe cameron smut #dark!fic #dark!rafe cameron

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lifelesslino · 6 months

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I finally understand the beauty that follows an intense breakdown!

Let me explain. When I say 'breakdowns', we all know what those are—well, at least the rough outline of what they feel and look like. Thoughts swarming your mind like starved vultures, ripping away at the seal of defenses you plastered over all those "minor" concerns or frustrations, and that single hint of sensitivity you allowed yourself to experience earlier is all it takes to crumble completely. You know, tears rolling down your face, nose watering and reddening, eyes burning, hands shaking violently, knees pulled to your chest, body curled into a ball on the floor—the whole works. (just as a side note: everyone breaks down differently, and my own description is not the sole example of a breakdown in general.)

I'm no stranger to them. In fact, I need them once in while, and I'm a little thankful when it happens. There have even been moments when I've scoured for triggers, either from songs or past memories, just to intentionally push me to tears. To push myself over the edge and free fall, letting my emotions take control and drain me of all that stress and exhaustion from bottling it up. Granted, I've buried that gratitude more often than not as I grow older, and my post breakdown clarity either ranges from "finally, I feel lighter now" to "goddamn it, I should've just sucked it up". But that's not the point of this post, otherwise we'd both be stuck here for hours to the point of insanity. ...okay, maybe we're already there, but that's beside the point. The topic in discussion today is that magical post breakdown beauty, which is something I've read and heard too much. Apparently, following an intense sobbing session, several people—solely online in my own experience, I don't have friends outside of the internet—have described that they looked more beautiful when they checked their appearance in the mirror. Now, to be fair, they're all already absolutely stunning prior to the breakdown, and that's what confused me for months. Whenever I had a breakdown, my nose would grow bigger and redder, and my eyebags felt more defined as the tears rolled down while my cheeks puffed up. Basically, I looked like a goddamn clown. So how were these lovely individuals feeling beautiful after crying their hearts out?

Well, I finally answered my own question myself after having a breakdown (quick, act surprised). It was the usual; a swarm of negative thoughts, a moment of weakness I allowed to slip, I curled up on the floor and cried my heart out, blah blah. After I finished, I stood up and walked to the bathroom, but I paused when I saw myself in the mirror.

And that's when I actually saw it. That post breakdown beauty? It's real.

My eyes still glistened with more unshed tears that I simply was too tired to push out, and it looked like a glossy sheen over my eyeballs as I peered at myself closer in the mirror. For the first time, my nose didn't expand and redden to resemble Rudolph's lost twin, and I think I can chalk that up to only having eaten a little throughout the entire day (little rice for breakfast, small sandwich for lunch, skipped dinner). My cheeks were still warm, but they didn't puff up, and it's the latter that I've always despised. My eyelashes, still a little damp from earlier, now looked more defined as the tear droplets held thinner lashes together to make them appear more thicker.

If this effect—the way that the tears held my lashes together and made them appear thicker and more plentiful—is somehow turned into a mascara brand, I'd be the first customer.

Wait, where was I going with this? Oh right: post breakdown beauty. Well, I'm impressed and here to say I've finally experienced it.

Now, is there some sort of self bias at play here? Obviously, and that much is to be expected. After all, beauty is subjective to the eye of the beholder, and we certainly don't share the same eyes. Was it actual beauty I saw reflected back at me in the mirror, or was it actually a reflection of my growing self acceptance of my appearance? I've gotten better at admiring myself and not bashing myself for certain physical traits like height, but I've similarly gotten worse and become more self-critical and focus on even more minute details. Like, for example, there are still certain facial features like my nose that I despise and can't manipulate—at least, not without surgery or makeup, which is why I'm learning the latter.

Perhaps the most demanding question that arose was this: is this beauty genuinely 'newfound', or has it always stared back at me in that same mirror? Was I too cruel to myself whenever I looked at myself, easily pointing out reasons of disgust that served no justice to the mere concept of 'beauty'?

I suppose either way, the post beauty of a breakdown is ultimately subjective.

It really isn't that interesting, yet it captivates my curiosity anyway.

(just in case anyone is concerned: I'm totally okay.)

Remember to eat. Sleep well. Take care. Slay, be gay. 🤍

#post breakdown beauty #hestia's rants #it's literally nighttime wth #-100/10 would not recommend

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transalphabf · 1 year

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There’s an alpha my thoughts keep wandering to…

Sometimes they’re sweet little fantasies, like how comfortable it’d be to have his arm around me or to be in our cozy blanket nest or cooking something warm and filling to enjoy together.

Sometimes they leave me blushing and wet and pressing my thighs together, though. I used to think of myself as an omega who didn’t need to feel himself filled too often, but now I find myself playing with my little cock and slipping fingers inside myself whenever I have the chance. I’m turning from a dutiful responsible omega into a desperate little cock addicted bunny.

I can’t help it though!! This alpha is sweet, cool, handsome, and I know his knot would fill me up just perfectly.

What should I do? Would it be too forward to ask him to be my valentine? Please advise 💖

-🐰

Why Bunny, clearly you should ask him!

If he's an Alpha you think will take good care of you, then what's the risk? If he says no, I'm sure he'll have a good reason for it, but if he says yes then everyone wins! But of course, an Alpha is for more than just valentine's day! You gotta be really sure before you ask for his affections, even if it's just for his knot! Otherwise, I think you should go for it. I'm sure he's head over heels for you too, if he can have such an impact as to have you all slick and needy all the time. I bet he's knotting his hand just thinking about you, and what pretty noises you make!

#bunny anon #omegaverse nsft

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siriuslytproblem28 · 2 months

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upon finishing past lives

okay, so, as the final credits of past lives showed upon my laptop at around 4AM last night, i felt a giant urge to simply sit and write. i didn't do it right then, deciding to let the feelings and thoughts simmer for a while longer. then, i decided to read the reviews on letterboxd and came across a beautiful story. i went to bed promising myself to go back to what i wanted to write, so as not to lose momentum which is a very big motivator for me. otherwise, i'd simply let the moment slip and this is most definetely not something i wanted to happen with this beautiful piece of media.

i was opening my notes app rn and then decided to write here, for some reason. i've often been feeling the need to share some of my experiences with narrative fiction here, since i started with posting only about jegulus fics, but ended up talking about a movie or whatever. since no one reads here, it's basically my journal and my archive. i have terrible memory so i love to have all kinds of records and archives for things that moved me.

after this enormous introduction, let's talk about past lives.

i had such huge expectations after seeing one of the people in whose opinion i trust the most having loved it, and the general vibe i felt seeing the promo pics and the poster (i just don't like watching trailers for movies), that as i pressed play i was afraid it might turn to disappointment. what i wasn't expecting was the extent it actually surppassed the meeting of them, becoming most definetely my favorite movie i watched for the award season (very late in the game, i know).

something about it felt so familiar and yet so intriguing, i loved the pacing and the dialog. but especially the subtext. i've seen some reviews talking about how much they felt a lack of connection on a deeper, personal level, and my experience watching it could not have been more different.

not all parts of it clicked immediatey with me, i've later read reviews from people who immigrated to the US and realized i totally missed some details about this particular aspect, being a brazillian who never left Brazil. Though i think that, as a latina, there are some cultural aspects that i could absolutely relate to, probabbly from the perspective of a non north american and that was really interesting.

i don't wanna dwell much on the technicalities of the movie, though i believe it so beautifully shot and placed, i loved how much the scenarios add to every frame that appears on screen, the meaningfullness of the backgrounds that add to the subtext. Which is exactly the point i want to dwell on: the subtext. For me, it's one of the strongest aspects of the movie. Unfortunately, i haven't had the best experience on watching to analyze the writing properly, since i watched it via the jack sparrow way (it's not available in brazil ok) and the portuguese subs were kind of botched. Still, the content of every single conversation and it's weight was not lost on me. Though sometimes simple, it was always majestically written (and obviously i can detail better my opinions the english parts, the language i do, in fact understand without needing translation) and powerful.

i've had multiple experiences in my life with people that seem to come and go, but when i take a closer look i come to realize they have never really left. so i connected to the story sooo much, i even dreamt about of of my biggest crushes in middle school, and my first love, who i spent my whole adolescence loving and still is one of my best friends.

timing and the passing thereof, has always been a complicated thing for me to deal with. i remember writing about changes and my loathing of them from a very young age. now, in my early adult life, i find myself seeking those narratives more than i did as a kid. still kinda fearing the absence they'll leave inside me, but also yearning for the reflections they might bring.

i was around 12 years old when i watched boyhood. it was probabbly one of the first movies to ever cause me a hint of an existencial crisis. not in a way you'd expect, though. not in a "omg i need to get a career and wtf am i doing", but in a sense of how it portrayed relationships, the passing of time, etc etc.

as i grew older, focusing on the past 3 years, then came normal people and just this last january, before sunrise.

I re-read np in late 2023 as i felt the need to, when i realized i was falling really in love for the first time ever since my first love, which had a hold on me for almost 7 years (and i'm 20, that's a lot haha). i found that, somehow, it had meant even more to me the second time around.

january, this year, i caved in and watched before sunrise. i also had super high expectations but nothing could ever prepare me for what i received. it became one of my favourite movies ever, and it spoke to parts of me that i had either left uncared for.

to me, past lives came and fed that specific part. all of these pieces of media i spoke a lot on, they talk to and help me understand a feeling i've had in my heart ever since i can remember.

i always had a fascination with something i've come up with, to explain basically the foundation of everything i love, in art, in myself, in life, "the unsaid".

my definition of it, is that the unsaid lies within the dialog, the text, the spoken word, the writing itself. in media and in life. it's like subtext, but maybe even deeper. it's the look you give to your best friend across the room. it's the goodbye that gets trapped inside your throat the last time you talk to someone. it's the touch that never reaches itself out. it's the i love you you don't dare to let slip. it's the look you give someone when you stopped kissing them to just look at them. it's how your eyes light up whenever you see one of your favorite persons in the world. it's when you stop in your tracks in the middle of a party and gaze at your friends, and realize that life can be, in deed, beautiful, and how lucky you are. it also kinda relates to frances ha definition of what she looks for in a relationship, that really stuck with me.

i live for the unsaid. either be it in the art i consumme, or how i experience it in my life. it's what makes existing worth anything, personally. as past lives dialogs sm with this notion. all the scenes where hae sung and nora don't say a word to each other, their look speak millions. that reminded me of one of my favourite scenes from before sunrise, the famous booth scene. in all of the above, i sat unsable to shake a small laughter, or maybe a sly tear, in response to the volume of what was being communicated there.

i consider myself really lucky with the people i have in my life and this movie spoke to this, too. i have a childhood best friend who remains close to me, a sister, really, for over 10 years. i have another childhood friend, who was my first big crush and baby love i ever had, who i used to think i was gonna marry and have children with, to the extent i have drawings of it, still be my best friend to this day. i have friend since middle school, who i fell deeply in love with at the tender age of 13 and who remained my muse very well util my 19th year of being alive, and she was my first girlfriend, the first girl i kissed, and remains my best friend. i've also been lucky to experience such a short but beautifully loving experience with a close friend i made in college, in the latter part of 2023. i haven't really gotten over him, but it's fine, cause ever since watching before sunrise, i realized i had multiple - and i can't believe i'm refferencing tfios in the year of the lord, 2024 - infinities with. though i had grieved what seems to be the ending of our never named, never labelled, situationship, and i still feel a lot of things for him, i've become gratefull for having experience such interesting and soul touching things with him. for opening myself up for it. for admiting my feelings to him. for the leap of faith i took, even if i ended up stranded or hit by rocks at the bottom of the cliff. i'm grateful it happened, even if i still cry about it and have written many songs for him. no matter how long it'll take me to get "over" him, i'll live. and i'm happy it happened. he's become one of my favorite people in this life and this is something i don't say lightly and don't take for granted.

i think to me, the "meaning of life", is to collect this feelings and experiences that turn you into the person you are at the moment. i have no idea of who i'd be without all my influences. i've written mysel, but i was only able to, with the refferences and quotes of every friend i had, every person i loved, everyone who became my family or stopped being it. maybe it's my cancer moon and venus. but i'm really nothing more than a mosaic, a reflection of every single person present in my life (real or parassocial), a collection of words, spoken or not.

and yeah, i barelly spoke directly on past lives, but it's what i always tend to do anyways. i'm not here to make a detailed runthrough, analysis over the cinematography and the script, i might be an acting major but i lack the knowledge (or maybe just doubt i do). but this is, still, my journal, to track my experiences and thoughts. so that's what i did. and i don't think, at least right now, that this movie can really fit into aything i could try to say.

#past lives #celine song #before sunrise #you dream in a language i can't understand #left unsaid #in-yun #this is not a review

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tokiro07 · 2 months

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Since finishing Psycutlery, I decided to go back and finally finish Psycho Waluigi, which on the whole is proving to be as fun as I remember it with one little itty bitty gripe

When you replay a level, the left-most face button on the controller quits the level

Which isn't an issue when you're playing a level for the first time, but if you want to, say, unlock all of the bonus levels and didn't successfully get a gold crown on any one level the first time around, you need to replay the level to get a better score

And if you're hypothetically doing well in that level, you found the gold jewel and all of the smaller jewels and got the bonus time and finished quickly with full health, yada yada, and then just happen to slip and hit the EXIT LEVEL BUTTON right at the end...

So now, in order to prevent myself from needing to worry about something as trivial as accidentally quitting at the least convenient time possible, I need to make sure that I get the best possible score (which as far as I can find is dependent on the individual level!) on my first try - or, worse, intentionally die after I've nearly completed the level so that I can redo it with the knowledge of where everything is

You may think "oh, just remap the controller," but no, for some reason the UI only lets me do that for the keyboard controls, not for the controller. There's only one setting for controller that I can find, and it's the one that forces me to play in the least fun way I can imagine

I want to just go through the levels normally! I hate worrying about getting a good score! And if getting a good score is necessary to get all of the content, fine, but I'd like to not feel pressured to perform well and forced to do everything again if I manage to bungle it! I'd rather feel like I'm choosing to do it again, not like I have to do it again

And that feeling is disincentivizing me to play at all! Because now, every mistake is time lost, rather than, say, a learning experience as it would be otherwise. It's making me not want to unlock the extra levels, because it's making me wonder if I like this gameplay enough to justify playing more of it!!!

If anyone knows how I can remap the buttons, please tell me. I want to play this, and I want to love it, like I love Psycutlery. I tried booting it through Steam (which I learned I can do, so that was fun) and remapping the controls there, but when I did that, it actually kept me from using a controller at all. I tried doing it through my wife's Steam Deck, but I couldn't figure out how to run a .exe file on it. I'm sure there's something I can do, but I'm just not tech-savvy enough to do it, and it's making me very upset

EDIT: Got into contact with Luke Tarlowe themself through Discord, they advised me to download JoyToKey, which took me a little bit to figure out, but once I got it, it worked like a charm! If anyone else ever has this problem, there ya go!

#psycho waluigi #waluigi #super mario

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truckstoptigers · 3 months

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I can't just be a normal person, can I? like that just isn't possible for me. there are things I will never be able to do. there are even more things I will never be able to do comfortably.

sometimes I can't brush my teeth because of what the motion reminds me of. sometimes I wait a few days too many to take a shower because I don't want to see my body. sometimes I think about cutting all my hair off because the last time it looked like this, I was still stuck with my father. the only difference is that my hair is dark brown now. I can't help but think I got it from him, because my mom is blonde & my grandma, her mother, is a redhead, and my uncle (mom's brother) has black hair. I don't want to share ANY features with that man - he was the one to drag me into hell - but my aunt makes a point sometimes to tell me I do. it makes me want to throw up.

in my head it's a constant stream of these memories on loop behind my eyes, and it never seems to end, stretching on into infinity. the worst moments of my life playing in technicolour over and over and over again, and I'm powerless to stop it. all I can really do right now is distract myself, but even that doesn't work sometimes. that's when I have to sneak away to the bathroom/outside so I can cry and not have anyone see me. sometimes I can't cry at all. sometimes I can't stop. I get nervous when random numbers I don't know call me multiple times a day because I'm scared that somehow, one of those men found me again. it's highly unlikely, but that doesn't soothe the fear any.

there's pictures and videos of me out there somewhere. I know there is. my father regularly took his own photos/videos so he could keep them for himself, but also so he could sell them. he had the men he sold me to pay extra if they wanted to 'document' anything for themselves. there might be indecent photos/videos of me as a child, being abused, on somebody's phone or laptop right now, and that disgusts me. there's nothing I can even do about it. I didn't have a choice. and now I'm nervous whenever I'm in front of a camera because I can't help but think about the camcorders and cameras and phones they used.

my appetite completely disappeared around the time I started recovering memories. a lot of the time I can go hours, even days, without feeling hungry once. I've lost around 30 or so pounds at this point. the last time it was this bad, I was 13, extremely depressed, constantly crying & suicidal. I can get myself to eat if I smoke a bowl, but otherwise it's like hunger doesn't even exist for me. I get hunger pangs, but none of the hunger that's supposed to come with them. sometimes I have to stop eating before I'm done because I start to gag.

I remember that my father would withhold food & drink from me basically whenever he wanted. or he would force them on me until I was gagging and, sometimes, throwing up, which I then was promptly punished for as if it was my fault. punishments always hurt. there was really only a few ways I could 'make it up to him,' as he would say, and all of them had to do with me laying down somewhere for him and letting him do what he wanted. whenever I make a mistake I still think of that, and it makes even the tiniest 'oops' turn into an anxious stomachache that lasts for hours because my hypervigilance kicks on and tells me something bad is about to happen to me for something as simple as dropping a cup that doesn't even break. I don't cry and hyperventilate anymore, and it took years to get to that point, but I'm still terrified every time.

I get nervous when random men stare at me a little too long in public because I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, he was one of the many men who abused me, and he remembers what I don't. I get nervous when we're in a store and there's a man walking behind me - I can't get myself to calm down, even when they pass by. I feel like I have to be on guard 24/7 and I feel like the second I let it slip, something terrible will happen because I wasn't paying attention. even my own stepdad standing too close to me can trigger this response, and he has nothing to do w/ what my father was doing. I don't like to be crowded, but sometimes my stepdad will purposefully get into my space because he knows I don't like it. he doesn't know why I don't like it, but I shouldn't have to divulge my trauma for my boundaries to be respected. it makes me just as nervous as it does when it's a random man I don't know.

I don't get to be normal. I didn't even have a fucking personality before it started because I was literally a preschooler. I will never know the kind of person I could've been if none of this ever happened, and I will never get the childhood I should've had. I get to live with chronic pain that makes it hard for me to do anything but sit and wait for my meds to work. I get to have violently graphic flashbacks for no discernible reason that turn me into a sobbing, shaking mess for hours. I get to live with the fact that no one has to answer for the horrible things they did to me - at least, not in this life. I get to be severely traumatized to the point of constant fear that it will happen again. after all, it did happen again freshman year - just with someone else. and I can never be sure it won't ever happen again.

I can't be 'normal,' and I hate my father for that.

#csa vent #sometimes the brutality of it all feels cartoonish #like. wow that actually happened to me. its all real. it isnt something my mind made up just because. it really happened. you know?#milo murmurs #im gonna start counseling soon. i just hope it helps #i keep thinking about it & about him. about the other men. they dont deserve that kind of recognition/regard but i cant stop #on one hand its like i Finally know why i am the way i am but. on the other its like. why the fuck did it have to be like that #i was barely four #and i was 12 when i got out for good...#oh god #wait. thats. thats actually nine years #almost a fucking decade???????#fuck

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lampmanliveblogs · 1 year

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Where we last left off, the true form of Doppelgänger was revealed and Luz, the sweetheart, continued to be unusually sympathetic to the literal snake that stole her identity.

Namedrop! Doppelgänger’s real name is Vee! Which I already knew. Although that’s probably a good thing, otherwise I’d probably spell her name Wea or something. Ví. Wii. V.

When Luz asks about her name, Vee hesitates and stumbles over her words. I’m not quite sure, but I think she says something like ”I never found-” Now, this would not be the first time my ears have played tricks on me (see previous episode for a demonstration), but it sounds like Vee might not have found out what her real name is. So a similar situation to King then.

Also, I guess it wasn’t Vee who was behind the traps like I thought. I was thinking, 'cause you know… snake. Snakes eat rabbits, right? But Luz was familiar with how the trap worked, so someone’s been setting them before she departed for the Demon Realm.

I’m gonna be thinking about Vee slipping up and calling Camila ”mom” for like a week, aren’t I?

We also get a namedrop for Luz hometown. Gravesfield! Which I already knew, although for once, I inflicted that particular spoiler on myself.

Luz dismisses it as junk, but lets take a quick look at the first page. The first thing that caught my attention was that this Jacob Hopkins fella appears to have noticed strange goings on in Gravesfield. Like how someone is stealing garbage and also putting feathers in his coffee. That’s obviously Eda, as confirmed on the next page. We know Eda has been coming to the Human Realm for some thirty years now, so that’s plenty of time to cause plenty of mischief. Like harassing random strangers at a cafe and then enchanting some books to attack them when they don’t let her skip the line.

It seems Luz has the idea to visit the cafe so Vee can gobble up some of that leftover magic so they can shapeshift. Thats’ good and all, but ah… to do that, Vee’s gonna have to get there, and she’s kinda… conspicuous.

If we look at the first image again, we can see an old-timey fella there shaking hands with a witch (who has a devil tail). Say, do you guys know of any old-timey fellas important to The Plot of this show?

Philip Wittebane’s from Gravesfield, I’m calling it now. That’s why the portal door leads there. The image is either of him with a witch/demon he brought back with him, or based on rumors spread about him as he told people back home of his adventures. Because, you know, witches and the devil…

So with this in mind… if it wasn’t Vee, then who has been leaving the traps? It could just be some guy who really wanna eat some rabbits, but… if the portal always opens at this old shack, then it’s not unreasonable for someone to notice strange things happening there, like an owl dragging comically large sacks of trash there. Heck, that’s how Luz ended up in the Demon Realm to begin with! So I’m wondering if these traps might have been set up by someone, like the Jacob Hopkins dude for instance, to try and catch Owlbert and/or Eda. It might be a stretch, I just have a feeling is all.

OKAY, turns out that it was not a stretch at all, someone is clearly very interested in this old shack. And now they have footage of what looks like Luz transforming into a strange monster. And if the camera records audio, then they have even more than that. This can not be a good thing. For starters, it has the potential of ruining Luz’ and Vee’s little scheme of making sure Camila stays happy and ignorant about her daughter’s disappearance and replacement. If go even further, it could also mean that Vee could get captured, killed or experimented on. Or all three and probably in that order.

So Gravesfield was founded in 1635. You know who else was from roughly that same time period? Philip Wittebane! And granted, this one might actually be stretching a bit, but those wings on the town shield look a bit like the wings on the Emperor’s Coven symbol.

I will also point out that Gravesfield is a strange name for a town. It’s kinda ominous. It sounds of death.

#the owl house #liveblog #the owl house liveblog #toh s2e10 #yesterday's lie

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nahalism · 5 months

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the quote you reblogged : That is why mysticism is the only source of virtue for humanity. Because when men do not believe that there is infinite mercy behind the curtain of the world, or when they think that this mercy is in front of the curtain, they become cruel.

Made me want to ask you: Were you or rather are you ever in states where you don’t feel and believe there’s anything more to life? That there is no energy no soul everything is accidental and there is no higher power out there, that everything is meaningless and pointless. No matter what we do or think but it’s maybe easier or even necessary to believe that there’s something more to all of it, to us? Maybe we desperately need that? Maybe it would be impossible for us to function and keep sanity? Or are you unshaken in your beliefs, maybe life proved it to be true enough that you never get those nihilistic waves of everything means nothing

heyy. love the question, quick disclaimer :: ultimately, each person is entitled to their own beliefs. i believe what i believe, and allow others to do the same. also, re: the quotation, i think theres a differentiation between mythology and theology. its less directed toward the existence of a god, and rather pertains to the idea that a world/morality beyond that of the physical tangible realm is at play. if infinite mercy can be extended to people despite their past transgressions, in that, a person can make a mistake, but redeem themselves through their consequent deeds, it alludes to some higher goal to strive for than the base or hedonistic goals that otherwise drive us forward. if people didnt believe they could be better, or make good despite their past actions, being a better person, choosing to evolve, or choosing to self correct, would not only cease to be appealing but cease to be necessary. the fact we believe we can be better, should be better, and that the choice to be better leads to better, is what keeps the balance of good and bad in balance, and what keeps humanity from slipping into complete debauchery.

as for me, i was raised catholic & i didnt relate or buy into what they were teaching me at church. anytime i had a question the answers seemed completely far fetched and unbelievable, and i felt like people were more concerned with the idea of salvation, or the need to believe in something to feel there was an overarching purpose to life, than they were with what i understood to be the core principles of the religion. even the term religion rubbed me up the wrong way because i felt like, isnt it just a personal belief/conviction/way of life, opposed to a faction or group to 'belong' to. people spoke a good game but the enactment of what they spoke about left me wanting.

fast forward. beginning to ask those questions around age 7/8 was the start of my spiritual journey even though i wasnt aware of it at the time. by 10/11 i stopped going to church & was calling myself an atheist or agnostic depending on what my mood was on the day. not because i didnt believe or feel there was something out there, but because it didnt align with any religious views i was privy to at the time. then at 12 i experienced a traumatic incident, and as i started to spend more time alone i was shown certain things and would have very particular experiences / feel the voice of some force out in nature or speaking to me through my conscience. and when that happened i felt (not from the teachings or reasoning of anyone but myself) that that force and feeling i was encountering was my true understanding of god or this thing i knew existed but wasnt entirely sure about how it existed. that pervading presence, its voice and the way its guided me is the only reason i believe in a higher, supreme power.

thats when i began to study life thru the humanities and in doing so form my opinions and ideas on what i believe regarding my views on the world & spirituality. i studied through the lens of the bible, the qu'aran, hindu teachings, buddhist teachings, syncretism, kemetic texts and teachings, new age spirituality, gnosticism & even science. i feel as though all of them have appealed to me and allowed me to grow in knowledge and understanding & that whilst they use different language to explain themselves, they all point toward and explain one truth. however beyond that the point still stands that i just believe. — ive had experiences i cant doubt, and feelings i cant doubt, not that i havent doubted them, or questioned, but each time i did it only confirmed my initial belief and made me believe more strongly. and so yeah, without that fundamental belief, all of it would just be a beautiful story. i could read every text, but if i didnt believe in what i was reading it would be no more than a harry potter type situation. i couldnt be swayed into pretending i believed, not for the idea of heaven, a promised land, or eternal salvation. thats not what i get out of this. my relationship w god saved my life and it keeps rebirthing me, educating me, & moulding me, and in doing so brings new meaning to things id previously read & doubted/didn't understand (think the concept of ressurection). anyway

i know people are religious and believe in god (whatever term or label u wanna give that force) for a variety of reasons. i cant speak for them, because im sure many people do believe for the reasons u stated. my reasons are simply that i feel and believe there is a higher, supreme, overarching force, that is the matrix of the spirit that permeates every living thing. i think theres a design to the world, one too specific to be down to chance. i think life is eternal and that there is a point to the experiences and growth or lack of that we experience in this life. that generationally it has significance and that it will one day account for something bigger than what we can see or comprehend right now. and i feel that when i look into the spirit of another being whether its human animal a tree or fire/water etc, that we all share the same force that ignites and powers our beings. & those are a just a few of the reasons why i believe

<3 hope this answers for u. sending my love

#ask

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