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wilt3d-r0zes · 10 months

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Fic Name (and link): Feel Like I Could Die Today Series: Lab Rats Characters: Chase Davenport, Marcus Davenport Pairings: N/A Trigger Warnings: Sensory Overload, Autistic Meltdown, Vivid Descriptions of Self Harm Urges (things like ripping your skin off, acid, etc) Important Tags: Autistic Chase Davenport, Autistic Meltdown, Angst, Good Brother Marcus Davenport, Hurt/Comfort, Redeemed Marcus Davenport, Takes Place After Elite Force is Founded. Summary: Protip: Don't spend 12hrs working on code. I don't care if you're bionic, don't do it. Or, I watched Free Guy and was liike wow. Keys is literally so autistic. I wonder if there's any fanfiction of him being autistic and there WAS. Exactly one beautifully written meltdown fic and i was like imma do that imma write a fic inspired by this so i did. (It's linked as the inspiration o7) (title is from A Little Bit Off by Five Finger Death Punch)

Inspired By:

shaking hands

by Anonymous

Chase stared at the computer in his lap. At the screen of code he's been agonizing over for who knows how long. The program wasn't working. It definitely should be, he's gone over the code four times trying to find whatever error he missed but it's yielding nothing but increased frustration when he tests it and nothing happens.

The only option he really has is to restart. But this is hours of work-- hours of slaving over this stupid little laptop that he'd lose because of what's probably one line of code he missed and can't find. He hates restarting, loathes losing hours of progress on a 'first draft.'

A hand lands on his shoulder, one that's hard and identifiable as Marcus based purely on the fact it's made mostly out of metal. Despite this, his synthetic skin burns against Chase-- which, of course, isn't possible unless he developed a new bionic ability and decided to turn on him-- again-- but chances are pretty low that that's happened.

(Again.)

Still, he shrugs off the hand, turning back to look at the android with wide eyes. Marcus stares back at him with a blank expression, one he wears more often than not now that he's stopped putting up a facade of human emotional responses. "When's the last time he slept?"

Chase just turns back around. He doesn't need this right now, he needs to finish this project. He said he could finish it in a few hours, and it's already well beyond that mark. This program could help take a massive load off Adam, Leo and Marcus until other locations are finished and more mission overseers can be promoted. Hell, it'll even help after that happens.

He scrolls back to the top of the project, trying to scan the code- just one more time- but finds himself squinting beyond diagrams, theories, digital post-it notes and warnings on his information hud. He can barely read any of the letters, numbers and symbols that were supposed to create something helpful but sit there like a useless pile of junk.

Chase swings the mouse over to the New Project button near the top, the sound of plastic on the countertop a grating swoosh of agony that's so much louder than it ever had any right to be.

(Why didn't Douglas give him an on/off switch for his bionics?)

He ground his teeth, a habit that he'd been doing since before he started highschool and one day is going to cost him his teeth. "Dude," Marcus starts, his voice like a freight train in Chase's ear-- it's enough to make him flinch, so the next thing Marcus says he, evidently, turns the volume down so low you wouldn't be able to hear it unless you took his voice box out and put your ear right up next to it, "How long have you been out here?"

Chase continues to glare at the code, another thing popping up on his HUD. The time. 2:32. He'd been working on this for nearly twelve hours.

(Teach him to think "Oh, one more hour can't hurt." Really, he should've learned that six years ago. Probably longer.)

His hands falter, and he pulls them away from the computer enough to notice how much he's shaking, the trembling through his entire body that feels like low-blood sugar and a panic attack had a baby.

(Ew.)

Without the mouse in his hand and the keyboard underneath his fingers, grounding him to the real world and giving him something to focus on, he's overcome with the sudden urge to bang his head on the counter he's working on. Again, this would yield little no results other than pain, and he's overwhelmed enough as it is.

Instead, he reaches his shaking hands up to run through his hair, only to catch the strands in his hand and yank. His scalp burns where he pulls hairs out completely, but he can't bring himself to stop, slowly dragging his still-gripped mess of semi-gelled hair until his slimy hands cover his eyes and he wants nothing more than to be drowned in a vat of acid to get rid of the feeling.

But there are no vats of acid for him to drown himself in, so instead he finds himself standing from the desk with little more than the thought of getting away from the danger of his own senses. Then, he’s standing in the medbay.

The lights are off, and with Douglas gone to the Elite Force and nobody actively injured, it’s empty. Marcus has evidently followed him, something he didn’t notice in the walk in his panic to get out.

His shoes squeak when he tries to rock onto the balls of his feet, a screaming sound that genuinely brings up warning on his HUD. His hands find their way to his arms, too-long nails digging into them. Without the focus of his computer or the code in front of him, all he wants to do is scream and hit things– anything, something to distract from the sensory overload that makes his very skin feel horrible.

Marcus grabs him when his hand first makes contact with his shoulder, solid arms wrapped around him and burying his face in unscented clothes. He squirms, and eventually he finds himself sinking to the floor with Marcus still wrapped around him. His throat burns and his hands hurt, and he doesn’t have the foggiest idea why.

His face is wet, and a sound he can’t identify with his bionics working overtime makes him drag his throbbing hands to his ears. His throat burns, like he got rugburn on his vocal cords. His head hits solid metal, but it doesn’t make the feelings go away. Abruptly, he realizes he’s screaming. The realization makes him snap his mouth shut, carelessly clacking his teeth together so his brain rattles and his jaw aches. A whimper follows and his squirming reignites until Marcus tightens the arms wrapped around him.

He slumps, a broken sob raking along his strained throat. The fight suddenly leaking out of him so he’s just laying against his brother, crying. He feels pathetic, suddenly. Useless– freaking out over a program that would take only a few hours to rewrite.

He opens his mouth to apologize, but all that comes out is a breath of hot air. Above him, he hears things whirr when Marcus activates his voice box and fan, “It’s alright.”

His volume is still low, though it doesn’t grate any more than it would’ve three hours ago. The fan whirring to life makes his chest rumble slightly, a layer of surprisingly calming sensory input that makes Chase wish he hadn’t already slumped so he could simply melt away the tension still writhing in his muscles.

“I know how it is, don’t worry about it,” Marcus continues, chest mimicking the way it’s supposed to move when a human talks, “We can stay here as long as you need.”

One good thing about Marcus being an android: he doesn’t really get bored easily. He really could sit here with Chase for the next few hours with plenty to entertain him, having full access to the internet. He once told them that he could bring up games on his HUD– something Chase is forever jealous about.

However long they lay there, with Marcus positively compressing his brother, it’s long enough for Chase to doze off into a dreamless sleep, where Marcus picks him up and deposits him on the couch in the mentors quarters and settles in on the chair to watch tv until he wakes up.

#lab rats #lab rats elite force #marcus davenport #chase davenport #lref #lr:ef #autism #autistic chase davenport #meltdown #sensory overload #autistic meltdown #fanfiction #fanfic #archive of our own #ao3 #wilt3d-libr4ry

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causeilikelix · 2 years

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'Cause I Like You - Chapter Five - Cloudy Dance Breaks

↳ Pairing: Felix x OC / Hyunjin x OC (later)

↳ Genre: Romance, comedy, smut (eventual), slow burn, enemies (idiots) to friends (idiots) to lovers (probably still idiots), high school au, college au, non-idol au

↳ See Chapter One for summery

↳ Chapter warnings: None really? Language, obviously? The girls fail the Bechdel test.... that's all I have

↳ Read on my A03: Here

↳ Notes: I know this chapter is short, but it serves an important purpose! There is more to come! The next chapter is likely to be..... spicy.

<; Chapter Four - Chapter Six >

Chapter Five

“GIRL, YOU ARE fucking insane, you know that?” Ah Joong heaved as she collapsed against the back wall of the practice room.

All six girls dripped with sweat. Their thin workout shirts stuck to their heated skin. Somehow, a heat wave hit in the first week of April and the school decided to be slow turning on the air conditioner. Despite bringing in a couple of fans to keep the air circulating, the practice room stayed warm. After the long winter they’d just suffered, Eunbyeol wasn’t one to complain when the sun decided to come back out. While dancing, however, Eunbyeol didn’t mind a chill in the air. Today they were not so lucky.

Eunbyeol laid on her back, staring up at the white plastic ceiling fan spinning overhead. She breathed slowly, forcing herself to take long steady breaths instead of the quick shallow ones that were common after vigorous physical activity. Her lungs rejected the pace, craving as much oxygen as possible instead. She kept her breathing slow and deep, allowing each breath to fill her lungs and her blood with much-needed oxygen. It didn’t help with the heat, but her head slowly emerged from the ever-present fog.

For the last several weeks, Eunbyeol could barely think straight. Even if she could keep at bay on occasion, a permanent mist settled in her brain. She managed to get it to clear at least a little while she practiced. All the extra time in the practice room helped but she needed a goal. A project. She used her extra time not to clean or practice but to create and choreograph. As she worked, she realized she had something to add to her talent show performance and she got to work on preparing it for the stage. At first, the other girls rejected the idea of having more to learn, but something about Eunbyeol’s enthusiasm changed their minds.

Somehow, none of the girls could tell that something changed. Eunbyeol always wondered if it would be possible to be different after a kiss and she learned very quickly that it was. She couldn’t think straight, or fall asleep easily, or eat without getting distracted. Schoolwork barely made it onto her radar. In class especially, it’s like she couldn’t hear a word from her teachers. Somehow, her quizzes and papers returned to her with good grades but she couldn’t remember how. Most of the quizzes she couldn’t even remember taking.

The day after the incident when she first walked into the classroom, Eunbyeol saw him sitting at his desk and a bolt of lightning paralyzed her. Instantly, her lips tingled and her face flushed a dark red. Her gaze found his mouth immediately and she forgot how to breathe. Less than twenty-four hours before, she’d kissed those lips. He talked to Jisung about something she couldn’t hear but it didn’t matter. Just watching them move sent her heart into her throat as she remembered how they’d moved on hers with careful precision. Only when Jiho arrived and threw her arm over Eunbyeol’s shoulders did she remember how to move.

At the end of first period with Miss Han, Eunbyeol got up to ask her if another day of cleaning was necessary. She didn’t want to openly admit that she left Felix to finish up and that she didn’t know what he did after she left. Miss Han glanced between her and Felix a few times before deciding:

“You know, I think I’ve seen enough. You don’t have to clean again tonight.”

Every day, the proximity between her and Felix was indeterminate. Did Eunbyeol want to be farther away from him? Or did she want to be closer? She couldn’t meet his eyes or speak a single word to him. Luckily for her, he couldn’t seem to do those things either. The only words spoken between them were words of convenience, like when she passed a stack of papers back to him or received them back. He asked for a pencil once, quickly over-explaining that neither Jisung or Seungmin from the desk behind them had an extra. She’d given him a random one, telling him to keep it. Eunbyeol wasn’t capable of much else, and he wasn’t either.

“Who’s idea was that dumb intro?” Gayeong groaned from her spot on the ground by the outlet. Eunbyeol ripped her attention from the ceiling fan to glance at her friend. “No offence, Eunbyeol-ah.”

“Why did you decide we needed one?” Jiho’s strained voice came from the window on the other side of the room, where she sat on the sill and fanned her face.

“I don’t know. I just needed something to do.” Eunbyeol looked back up at the ceiling.

“Well, it made an already tiring dance even more exhausting.” Gayeong’s voice tensed and she stretched her arms over her head.

“Sorry.”

“Are you, though?”

“Er... No, not really. It looks phenomenal, you guys are doing a great job with it.” Eunbyeol praised.

“Are you kidding? I totally fucked it up this time.” Ah Joong groaned. “It’s that damn spin that gets me every time.”

“That’s the whole point of practicing. Do you want to go over it again?”

“No, no. I just need to do it a few more times. Did they do this intro somewhere, like on stage or something because I couldn’t find it anywhere.”

“Uh, well, I took the music from one of their old award show intros, but the choreography is mine.” Eunbyeol explained, reaching for her water bottle to take a nice long drink.

“You choreographed it? Really?” Jiho glanced over at her friend.

“Uh, yeah. Took me a couple days.”

“Wow, I never would have guessed! It has the same feel as their other choreography. Color me impressed.” Chohui spoke up from where she stood in front of one of the oscillating fans.

“You’re too nice to me.” Eunbyeol grinned. “Do you want to run it again? We don’t have much time before we need to be out of here.”

“Oh, hell no.” Minjeong spoke up from her place where she sat against the wall with her eyes closed. “I need another minute or two. I’m burning up.”

“Alright, but I want to run it at least two more times before we have to go.” Eunbyeol checked the time on her watch, frowning when she saw how much time they had left. “We only have a few weeks to get this intro down.”

“Is your desire to beat Felix really so strong that you’re adding more to this already intense dance? The floorwork alone screwed up my knee for a week.” Jiho hopped down from her perch by the window and moved to lay on the floor next to Eunbyeol.

“You have no idea.” Eunbyeol coughed slightly, turning her face away so Jiho couldn’t see the blush heating up her entire face just at the mention of his name.

“I didn’t know that someone could somehow look hot with a black eye, but once again there’s nothing he can’t do. Good job, Eunbyeol-ah.” Chohui spoke up. “I still can’t believe you punched him.”

“Neither can I, to be perfectly honest.”

“Eunbyeol has an incredible arm.” Jiho grinned, nudging her with her elbow. “Took it almost three weeks for the bruise to go away. I can’t believe you still like Felix after he rejected you, Chohui-yah.”

“Look, just because he rejected me doesn’t mean that I can’t admire him from afar.”

“Please. You have to tell us what he whispered to you!” Ah Joong spoke up. “You can’t hold onto that secret forever!”

“I think I can, actually. It was very privileged information.” Chohui insisted matter-of-factly.

“Okay, okay, enough. If you’re going to talk about Felix and fail the Bechdel test then we’re going to run through it again. We don’t have to do the dance break floorwork, I just want you to show me that you know the counts.” Eunbyeol groaned as she rose to her feet and made her way to the speakers.

The other girls grumbled as they left their resting places and got into formation. Jiho set up her phone and set up to record their run-through. Eunbyeol waited until they were all ready before pressing play on the music and running to her spot. On purpose, she’d edited a couple of seconds of silence before the intro audio for that precise purpose. The music started and the girls began to move.

Before her eyes, Eunbyeol watched through the mirror as the girls recreated her choreography. It wasn’t her first time choreographing something, but it would be the first she showed it to anyone else. Most of the things she made up stayed in the confines of her bedroom or the practice room. She had a few examples of her choreography hidden away on a USB she kept in a drawer in her desk at home. The other girls had no idea that this would be the first time her choreography would be performed. As the girls moved in sync to the swell in the music, Eunbyeol’s heart swelled in time. She couldn’t help the smile that rose onto her face as she watched it come together right in front of her. The girls hit every count and put everything they had into the moves.

The rest of the dance went by just as cleanly and Eunbyeol could barely believe her eyes. Even though she gave them the option of half-assing the floorwork, everyone put everything they had into it. Her heart raced not just from the exertion but from the thrill of seeing her creation come to life. It looked perfect. Of course, if she really thought about it she could see a few small absent-minded mistakes, but overall it looked absolutely flawless. When the song ended and they fell into their final position, Eunbyeol couldn’t even hold it for a second before throwing her arms up and screaming with joy. The other girls joined in, meeting in the middle with the smelliest, sweatiest hug they’d ever shared.

“That was perfect!” Eunbyeol cried, blinking hard to force the tears away. “I know we still have that timing issue in the intro but... I’m so proud of you guys!”

“If you start crying, then I’m gonna start crying.” Ah Joong’s voice broke as her eyes welled with tears. “We’re going to win, Eunbyeol-ah.”

“We’ve all done such a good job and put in the work. I could not be more pleased.” Eunbyeol lost the battle and a tear slid down her cheek. “Look, let’s go ahead and end early today. I don’t think we could top that. Jiho and I will look over the video and come up with some things for next time. You’re all seriously the best and if I could show the heart emoji above my head, I totally would right now.”

“I’ll send it to you now. But let’s go get ddukbokki. I’m starving.” Jiho broke the circle to run for her phone.

“Yes, please!” Gayeong rubbed her stomach as she made her way to her pile of things by the window.

The girls dispersed to gather their things and Eunbyeol couldn’t seem to shake the high. The ever-present fogginess returned and she couldn’t really think straight. Despite the clouds in her head, Eunbyeol’s heart soared and for the first time in a long time she had an idea. Her parents wanted her in STEM. They wanted her to be a doctor or a biologist or someone who worked in medical research but Eunbyeol had little to no interest in that. The only thing she could conceivably see herself doing was in biology somewhere in animal research, but even then she couldn’t be as happy as when she danced. Absolutely nothing else in the world compared.

When she won the dance competition in sophomore year, her parents were proud and excited for her but under the impression that it was just for fun. They supported her in her hobby as long as she kept her grades up so she could get into a top university. After her competition, a scout approached her and asked her to audition for his entertainment company to be an idol. Eunbyeol screamed with excitement and went to the audition without her parents knowing, wanting to surprise them if she got accepted. Instead, once she danced in front of the recruiters they took one look at her and said:

“No one wants to see an idol with that bad of a physical imperfection. Your scar... it’s a dealbreaker.”

Eunbyeol quit the next week. She stopped going to her after school dance class. She decided that maybe something in the medical field would be a good fit after all. While it’s not what she wanted to do with her life, doctors at least didn’t discriminate against an imperfection on the skin. Eunbyeol grew up hating the gash on her leg and her audition made her realize that she couldn’t do the only thing she really wanted to do.

However, something about this practice and watching her friends dance, something shifted in her heart. Her athletic leggings covered her legs down to her ankles, but Eunbyeol glanced down at her knee regardless. She reached down to run her hand over it, able to imagine the rough feel of the skin under her fingers. The scar still hurt sometimes when it got cold but it didn’t bother her much anymore. Eunbyeol didn’t want it to control her future anymore. Even if she wasn’t on stage, she wanted to dance. And she wanted to create.

“Does your knee hurt today?” Jiho’s steady hand found Eunbyeol’s shoulder and she spoke quietly so the other girls couldn’t hear.

“No, not really. I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Nothing... I have an idea but I don’t want to jump the gun.”

“Are you going to tell me?” Jiho raised an eyebrow at her friend.

“Jiho-yah...” Eunbyeol kept her back to the rest of their friends. “I don’t want to go to medical school. I want to go to art school with you. I don’t know how to convince my parents but I have to figure something out.”

“Well, I certainly don’t think getting in will be an issue.” Jiho grinned. “I think we can come up with something, don’t you?”

“I really do. I’m having trouble thinking right now, but I know we can figure it out.”

“Right now I think we’re all too hungry to think. Let’s go.” Jiho tore herself away and started towards the door.

Eunbyeol gathered her things quickly, hauling her heavy backpack on and joining Jiho at the door. She wished that hunger caused the fog in her head. It would be so simple if that were the case, but instead thoughts of Felix’s soft lips and intense eyes plagued her mind and nothing she did erased him. Every day, she saw him in class and she couldn’t think of a single thing to say to him. What happened on the stairs that day? Was the kiss a confession and she turned him down? Why did he kiss her in the first place? What came over him? What came over her? Maybe she’d just been so caught up in the romance of it all. Maybe it was the rain, the umbrella which he’d brought to her, the way he held her as if he was terrified to let her walk away, or the ethereal feeling of his velvety lips dancing with hers.

Before Eunbyeol could lose herself in her thoughts any more, Gayeong finally finished packing up and met with the rest of the girls at the door. Eunbyeol shook her head, trying to rid her head of the thick clouds. Luckily, the other girls didn’t notice that she could barely pay attention as they made their way out of the practice room. Jiho linked arms with her as they walked, which Eunbyeol relied on more than she wanted to admit. Without Jiho’s lead, Eunbyeol wasn’t confident in her ability to remember how to leave the gym building.

All six girls sighed with relief when they stepped out into the fresh April air. The sun hung high in the sky, beating down and warming the dark red brick that built the campus. The deep blue sky was a welcome change from the suffocating overcast winter. A warm breeze rustled the lightly colored leaves on all the trees. Winter finally left them behind.

They chattered about school assignments and weekend plans as they made their way down the stairs. Ah Joong led the group since she knew the way to their favorite dukbokki place like the back of her hand. Eunbyeol hadn’t noticed that they’d stopped descending until she stepped down and promptly rammed her forehead into Minjeong’s shoulder.

“Ow! What the hell, why have we stopped?” Eunbyeol rubbed her forehead, looking between the girls to get an answer but no one said anything to her.

A chorus of laughter cut through the air and Eunbyeol recognized it immediately. Her head snapped around, looking for the source of the noise before her gaze settled on the group of boys making their way up the stairs towards the gym. Eunbyeol’s cheeks immediately flushed a deep purple at the sight of Felix making his way up the stairs with his friends. Jeongin, Seungmin, and Jisung all walked with him, talking and laughing and ignoring everything else. A bright smile was plastered onto Felix’s clean features and his charming laugh rang like a bell. As usual, his chestnut eyes sparkled with the light of the sun. In this light, his eyes practically looked golden. Eunbyeol swallowed thickly, definitely seeing what every single girl in the school saw in him.

When the boys were a few steps below them Jisung finally looked up and noticed the girls were there. With his prompting, the boys came to a stop and Felix’s gaze found Eunbyeol effortlessly. His smile faltered and he averted his gaze just as quickly as he found her. Eunbyeol’s muscles tensed.

“Are you okay?” Jiho whispered.

“Um...” Eunbyeol didn’t have time to think of an answer before Jisung broke the silence between them.

“Are you done in the practice room already? You’re early.” Jisung checked his phone for the time.

“Yes, we are!” Ah Joong smiled proudly. “We had an amazing practice, so we decided to enjoy the weather and get dukbokki.”

“Well, thanks for the extra time then.” Seungmin’s innocent smile could have fooled anyone else, but he knew enough about the rivalry to poke fun.

“Honestly, with the run we just did I think you guys will need the extra time.” Chohui’s secretive smile worried Jisung a little more than he cared to admit. He knew what a powerhouse Eunbyeol was. “So by all means, knock yourselves out.”

“Your generosity is unmatched.” Jisung rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I don’t think you’re ready for what we’re working on.”

“You guys keep saying that, but I just am not seeing anything here to be worried about.” Chohui gestured vaguely to the four boys, fully unimpressed.

“I thought you were, like, obsessed with Felix?” Jeongin mused innocently. “Are you sure there isn’t anything you want to see?”

At the mention of his name, Felix snapped out of his fog and stood to attention. Jeongin draped an arm over Felix’s shoulders, shooting his friend a grin. Felix tried to reciprocate but he was busy pouring all of his energy into not looking at Eunbyeol and he barely registered the words being said around him. Chohui, on the other hand, scoffed at the accusation and her cheeks burned with rage.

“Come on, Chohui-yah.” Ah Joong pulled on her sleeve. “We don’t have to listen to this. Let’s go eat, okay?”

“For your information...” Chohui’s sharp words sent the boys down the stairs a step. “Anything I may have felt for Felix is irrelevant. I can take no for an answer. So no, there is nothing I want to see and it’s you who should want to see us.”

“Ooh I’m so scared.” Seungmin muttered sarcastically and the other guys burst out laughing.

“Let’s get out of here.” Gayeong appeared at Chohui’s other side in an attempt to pull her away.

“How the hell can Jiho and Eunbyeol stand being in the same class as these idiots?” Chohui muttered. She finally regained her footing and stalked down the rest of the stairs with her friends, shoving past Jisung roughly.

Jisung gasped like he’d been shot, turning to Felix to see if he had a similar reaction. All of the things said in the last several minutes fell on deaf ears. Felix’s head was filled with cotton and it migrated to his ears. He stared at Jisung blankly but his gaze shifted as Eunbyeol made her way past the group of boys. She had her hair pulled back in a short ponytail which gave him a good view of her face. She kept her eyes on the ground as she walked by. Eunbyeol’s long eyelashes brushed along her cheeks, just the way they’d done on his cheeks a few weeks ago. Her soft strawberry-flavored lips were pursed, hiding from him. Felix gulped down the stab in his heart when she didn’t look at him.

Jisung sighed, watching his friend disappear and took to dragging him up the stairs. Talking to Felix was like talking to a brick wall the last few weeks. Something happened, Jisung wasn’t stupid, but he couldn’t figure out what happened specifically. After their shared detention, sitting next to Felix and behind Eunbyeol was like sitting under a stormcloud. Jisung asked both Felix and Jiho about it, but neither of them had much to say. Whatever happened, it made the classroom unbearable to sit in. Working on this project with Felix got just that much harder since his head was in the clouds. They had some work to do in order to perfect their act and without Felix’s full presence it would be that much more difficult.

“Cha Eunbyeol!”

A clear voice rang out across the courtyard, stopping both groups in their tracks. Eunbyeol perked up, looking around for the source of the noise. She turned first to Felix’s group of friends but all of them looked just as confused as her. Quick footsteps filled the air and Eunbyeol tensed at the sound of rubber on brick. The last time she heard that noise Felix had... She shook her head to scare away the thought.

“Cha Eunbyeol! Ah... I’m glad I caught you!” The voice moved closer and she finally turned to see him making his way through the courtyard.

Kang Younghyun. A senior and vice president of the music club where Eunbyeol spent a little too much time. He swept his perfect brown hair away from his face, revealing his strong cheekbones and bright smile. His perfectly straight teeth reflected the light of the sun and she could swear he would make her blind one day. His gorgeous almond-shaped eyes had all but disappeared due to his smile. Eunbyeol’s heart leapt into her throat immediately and her eyes widened when she realized that she hadn’t put makeup on that morning.

“Sunbae...” Eunbyeol managed a response, wondering how she was supposed to talk to him with her head swimming in milk.

“Ah, I was worried that you’d be gone.” Younghyun breathed heavily, coming to a stop in front of the group of girls.

“Oh, did you want your sheet music back?” Eunbyeol somehow remembered the one thing he could possibly want.

“No, no. Nothing like that. I don’t need that back until next week. I was hoping... we could talk?”

“Eunbyeol-ah.” Jiho suddenly turned to her. “We’ll go ahead and meet you there. We’ll order you something, okay?”

The others jumped into action right away, agreeing to go ahead and wait for Eunbyeol. Jiho let go of her arm, despite Eunbyeol grasping for a tighter hold on her friend. Jiho pried herself away and waved innocently, leaving Eunbyeol standing at the bottom of the stairs with Younghyun.

Felix watched Younghyun smile at Eunbyeol. Younghyun rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet with his hands stuffed in his pockets. His face looked open, genuine, and nervous. Felix’s hands clenched, suddenly recognizing all of the tell-tale signs of someone about to confess their feelings. He knew that Eunbyeol liked him, but Felix never could have imagined that the feelings were mutual. Two of Felix’s fingers found his jugular and he winced to find that his heart rate was through the roof. Jisung’s hand found Felix’s forearm and tried to pull him inside, but it was like his feet were glued to the ground. He swallowed thickly, unsure as to why he was terrified of the scene playing out in front of him.

“Um, what do you want to talk about, Sunbae?” Eunbyeol gripped the strap of her bag tightly, using it as an anchor. She wished it was Jiho’s arm instead.

“Not here. Come with me.” Younghyun’s steady smile made butterflies erupt in her stomach. He gestured for her to follow him and started up the stairs.

“Sunbae?”

“Trust me.”

Younghyun reached for her hand and led her up the stairs after him. However, instead of going inside the gym building, he pulled her around to the side. Felix watched the couple until they disappeared and only then did his feet unroot. Jisung took this opportunity to pull Felix inside the gym building and down back towards the practice room. Just for extra stability, Seungmin draped an arm around Felix’s shoulders.

Felix had exactly no idea what was going on in his own head. A sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, thinking about Eunbyeol off with someone else. Especially thinking that the person she liked the person she was off with. He needed to get his head on straight somehow. The next two hours needed to be completely dedicated to the routine that the boys worked up and not the most annoying girl Felix had ever laid his eyes on.

Cool air blew through the practice room and it helped clear at least some of the cotton in Felix’s head. He imagined that the room wouldn’t stay cool once they got to work and got moving. The boys had plenty of work to get done, but they were at the point where they just had to get the routine down to muscle memory. Jisung left Felix’s side to take over the sound system in the corner, putting on some music so they could stretch. Jeongin got right to it, stretching his arms over his head and waiting for the others to join him. The other three boys got to it, following Jeongin’s lead as he started their usual stretching routine.

Felix stared at his reflection in the mirror, wondering when his eyes got so tired. Sleep did not come easy at night. Not since he got his first taste of her. That day had done something to him that he couldn’t explain. Sure, it left a literal mark on him that took a few weeks to go away, but something he’d never thought about before appeared before him. Eunbyeol despised him with every ounce of her being, and he wasn’t exactly her biggest fan either. Eunbyeol had a wicked temper, a sharp tongue, and wanted to see him crash and burn. Since grade school, she’d been an obnoxious know-it-all who wanted to cause as much drama as possible between her friends. She was kniving and ruthless and Felix wanted nothing to do with her. High school hadn’t changed much. She had friends and didn’t seem to be involved with any drama, but her feelings about him hadn’t changed a bit.

So why? Why had he done that? Why did he give into that urge that washed over him the moment he saw her pink umbrella laying on the ground? In the moment, it was like he wasn’t in control of his own actions. He just... did it. Without thinking of the consequences. As he stared into his own tired eyes, he feared that he was suffering those consequences now.

“Are you ready?” Jeongin spoke up once they’d stretched enough. “Should we go ahead and start from the top?”

“I... yeah.” Felix managed, moving to the center of the room and getting into position, facing towards the windows.

“Felix, are you sure you’re okay? You look like shit.” Seungmin placed a reassuring hand on Felix’s shoulder.

“Wow, thanks.” Felix managed a small smile. “I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well. Let’s go ahead and run through it.”

“Ummm actually.” Jisung spoke up, grabbing Felix’s shoulders and turning him to face the other way. “I had a question about the end sequence.”

“You’ve been doing it just right. What are you-?”

“Yeah.” Jeongin chimed in suddenly, flanking Jisung. “Jisung-hyung and I were watching the video the other day and we thought about changing the last eight counts a little.”

“Change it? How?” Felix glanced between them. “I thought it looked okay?”

“I mean, watch this.” Jisung procured his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants and flipped through it for the video. He glanced up out the window a couple of times.

“Now that you mention it, I think I know what you’re talking about.” Seungmin draped a protective arm over Felix’s shoulders, locking him in place. “That part with the, uh...”

“That one step.” Jeongin offered, his gaze sliding past Seungmin’s face to glance outside.

“Er. Yeah, that one.” Jisung muttered a cuss under his breath as he waited for the video to load.

“I just watched it last night and it looked fine to me? What are you guys on about?” Felix glanced between each of his friends, who each couldn’t seem to stand still. “What is going on?”

“Watch this part.” Jisung shoved his phone in Felix’s face.

Felix blinked in surprise over the proximity. He stared at the screen for a moment, waiting for his eyes to adjust. The video they took last practice played, their audio blaring through the poor speakers on Jisung’s phone. Their performance played before his eyes and Felix grinned at the talent of his friends. All four of them had their own respective hidden talents and this performance would reveal all of them to the entire school. When Felix’s solo came up, he phased out. He loved watching his friends, but he couldn’t bear to watch himself. Instead, he focused on the glare from the light outside which reflected off the screen. Leaves from the trees and the blue sky shown on the screen and Felix was glad to see that spring was in full swing.

Jisung shifted his wrist and something new showed in the reflection. Felix’s eyes immediately turned the size of dinner plates and he tried to turn around to get a better look. Seungmin’s arm kept him in place facing away from the window, but the scene played before him in the reflection of the screen.

Clear as day, Cha Eunbyeol stood with her back against one of the trees that lined the path outside the practice room. Younghyun sunbae stood a few feet away with his hands shoved in his pockets. Eunbyeol stared at him, disbelief plastered on her face, but her shock dissolved into a smile that softened all of her features. Felix’s heart jumped into his throat when Younghyun took a step towards her and he shoved Seungmin away and whirled around to look out the window.

“Fuck.” One of the boys muttered.

Without the reflection of the phone screen, Felix could barely believe his eyes. The sun shone through her hair, lighting her from behind like a golden halo. Her dewey skin looked sunkissed and utterly irresistible. Younghyun spoke, but the boys couldn’t hear a word through the closed windows. Even though she’d just danced for two hours and hadn’t had a chance to shower the sweat off she looked particularly beautiful. As he spoke, Eunbyeol’s face softened and she smiled brightly. An ugly pang hit Felix’s heart at the thought that she’d never even once smiled at him like that. Younghyun took a step towards Eunbyeol and suddenly all three boys grabbed Felix's arms. Instinctively, he’d taken a step forward without even thinking.

“Lix-yah...” Seungmin warned. “What are you thinking of doing?”

Younghyun closed the distance between him and Eunbyeol. Felix knew that he should look away and ignore the scene playing before him but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. This was her business, her confession. Eunbyeol wanted this. She wanted Younghyun. Felix gaped as Younghyun reached up and gently cupped her cheek. He asked her a question and her eyes sparkled with the only answer he needed. The other boy dipped his head down to capture Eunbyeol’s lips with his own and Felix whirled back around, unable to watch for another second.

“Oh... oh god.” Felix muttered, his fingers finding his jugular once more. His pulse hammered so hard that he could feel it in his head.

“Felix...” Jisung coaxed their friend to sit on the floor to prevent him from falling onto his face. Felix sat down hard. “Are you... okay?”

Felix squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head into his hands. Somehow, Eunbyeol as anything other than the annoying girl from primary school never occurred to him. Less than a month ago he’d even kissed her and that hadn’t been quite enough for him to see the truth. He didn’t know why it took watching someone else kiss her to figure it out, but it crashed over him like being hit by a bus. Somehow, he’d known it for a while but he never wanted to admit it. His heart knew the truth way before his head even had a chance to catch up. Quickly and ungracefully, Felix slipped and tumbled off the cliff that he’d been so precariously balanced on for several months. The visual of Younghyun with his lips pressed onto Eunbyeol’s invaded his mind and Felix groaned. He imagined Eunbyeol kissing Younghyun with the same soft lips that Felix himself claimed only recently.

A horrific thought crossed his mind. Felix did not want it there and he tried to shake it away, but this thought was here to stay. He... didn’t want her to kiss anyone else. He wanted to be the only one to kiss Cha Eunbyeol. He wanted to greet her every day when she got to school. He wanted to hug her and push her hair behind her ear when it got in the way. He wanted to be the cause of her bright smiles and warm gazes. He wanted to study with her in the library and memorize her coffee order. Felix wanted to be there for her during all the good times and he wanted to be her shoulder to cry on during the bad times. Felix wanted to be there when she needed him and never walk away from her again. He wanted to listen to all the same stories she told Jiho. He wanted to eat lunch with her and talk about everything and nothing all at once.

Felix wanted her to like him back. He wanted her to like him even half as much as he liked her. He... liked her. He liked her a lot.

“Lix-hyung is discovering something about himself, isn’t he?” Jeongin’s voice sounded muffled, as if Felix’s head was submerged underwater.

“Yes... I think he is.” Jisung sighed, staring at his friend on the floor. “I know the feeling all too well.”

“Does that mean that Lix-hyung likes...”

“Hyung, are you okay?” Seungmin crouched by Felix, gripping his shoulder and giving him a good shake. “C’mon, you gotta snap out of it.”

“But she...” Felix barely registered the world around him.

“I know, I know.” Jisung grabbed Felix’s other shoulder. “You’ll get over it. This’ll pass.”

“We... should get to work.” Felix ran his fingers through his hair to push it away from his face.

“Are you sure? I mean, you look even worse than before. We could take a break at least for today.” Seungmin suggested as Felix rose to his feet.

“No...”

Felix made his way to the sound system and picked up Jeongin’s phone. The device was still on and open to their audio. Felix took a deep breath and turned up the volume on the speakers. The boys watched him curiously as they got into their positions. While they got themselves situated, Felix glanced over his shoulder to look at the girl outside. By now, her arms had snaked around Younghyun’s neck as she pulled him closer. Felix’s cheeks burned and he turned back to the device in his hands. His jaw clenched and he pressed play on the song.

The speakers blasted the song and the bass line shook the windows. The boys jumped in surprise, turning to stare at Felix in shock rather than starting their routine. Felix glanced over his shoulder out the window to see Eunbyeol and Younghyun finally break apart. They turned to glance into the practice room only for a moment before looking back at each other and laughing. Younghyun leaned in to kiss Eunbyeol one more time before grabbing her hand and finally walking out of sight. Only when the couple was out of sight did Felix turn down the speakers and restart the song.

“Hyung... are you okay?” Jeongin ventured, glancing out the window.

Felix turned back to his friends with a fire burning his eyes. “Let’s take it from the top. Are you ready?”

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spacetimewithstuartgary · 10 months

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ESO’s Extremely Large Telescope is now half completed

The European Southern Observatory’s Extremely Large Telescope (ESO’s ELT) is a revolutionary ground-based telescope that will have a 39-metre main mirror and will be the largest telescope in the world for visible and infrared light: the world’s biggest eye on the sky. Construction of this technically complex project is advancing at a good pace, with the ELT now surpassing the 50% complete milestone.

The telescope is located atop Cerro Armazones in Chile's Atacama Desert, where engineers and construction workers are currently assembling the structure of the telescope dome at a staggering pace. Visibly changing each day, the steel structure will soon acquire the familiar round shape typical of telescope domes.

The telescope mirrors and other components are being built by companies in Europe, where work is also progressing well. ESO’s ELT will have a pioneering five-mirror optical design, which includes a giant main mirror (M1) made up of 798 hexagonal segments. More than 70% of the blanks and supports for these segments have now been manufactured, while M2 and M3 are cast and in the process of being polished. Progress on M4, an adaptive, flexible mirror that will adjust its shape a thousand times a second to correct for distortions caused by air turbulence, is particularly impressive: all six of its thin petals are fully finalised and being integrated into their structural unit. Further, all six laser sources, another key component of the ELT’s adaptive optics system, have been produced and delivered to ESO for testing.

All other systems needed to complete the ELT, including the control system and the equipment needed to assemble and commission the telescope, are also progressing well in their development or production. Moreover, all four of the first scientific instruments the ELT will be equipped with are in their final design phase with some about to start manufacturing. In addition, most of the support infrastructure for the ELT is now in place at or near Cerro Armazones. For example, the technical building that, among other things, will be used for storage and coating of different ELT mirrors is fully erected and fitted out, while a photovoltaic plant that supplies renewable energy to the ELT site started operating last year.

Construction of ESO’s ELT was kickstarted nine years ago with a groundbreaking ceremony. The top of Cerro Armazones was flattened in 2014 to allow for space for the giant telescope.

Completing the remaining 50% of the project, however, is anticipated to be significantly quicker than building the first half of the ELT. The first half of the project included the lengthy and meticulous process of finalising the design of the vast majority of components to be manufactured for the ELT. In addition, some of the elements, such as mirror segments and its supporting components and sensors, required detailed prototyping and significant testing before being produced en masse. Furthermore, construction was affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, with the site closing for several months and production of many of the telescope components suffering delays. With production processes now fully resumed and streamlined, finalising the remaining half of the ELT is anticipated to take only five years. Nonetheless building such a large and complex telescope like the ELT is not free of risks until it's finished and working.

ESO Director General Xavier Barcons says: “The ELT is the largest of the next generation of ground-based optical and near-infrared telescopes and the one that is most advanced in its construction. Reaching 50% completion is no small feat, given the challenges inherent to large, complex projects, and it was only possible thanks to the commitment of everyone at ESO, the continued support of the ESO Member States and the engagement of our partners in industry and instrument consortia. I am extremely proud that the ELT has reached this milestone.”

Planned to start scientific observations in 2028, ESO’s ELT will tackle astronomical questions such as: Are we alone in the Universe? Are the laws of physics Universal? How did the first stars and galaxies form? It will dramatically change what we know about our Universe and will make us rethink our place in the cosmos.

Notes

The percentage completion of the ELT is estimated based on its ‘earned value’, a project management metric used to evaluate progress on a project that accounts for schedule and cost. At present the ELT is 50% through the project plan.

This image, taken in late June 2023, shows a webcam image of the construction site of ESO’s Extremely Large Telescope at Cerro Armazones, in Chile's Atacama Desert. There, engineers and construction workers are currently assembling the structure of the telescope dome at a staggering pace. Visibly changing each day, the steel structure will soon acquire the familiar round shape typical of telescope domes.

The starry background is dominated by the core of the Milky Way, our home galaxy, and the Large and Small Magellanic clouds, two dwarf galaxies that orbit our own.Credit:

ESO

#science #space #astronomy #physics #news #spacetimewithstuartgary #starstuff #spacetime #eso #Youtube

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halfseoulco · 9 months

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The university analogy: Finding what makes KPOP groups unique

Published Saturday, July 22nd, 2023 — With as many groups as there are currently active within the KPOP industry, even with the population of fans growing globally, the reality is that the market for KPOP is oversaturated. It seems like new groups are debuting every week and fandoms are ready to defend their favorite artists at a moment’s notice. There are many ways in which you could possibly insult somebody else’s favorite group—if you were that kind of person—but no attack is more pointed than one that targets their talents as artists.

The University Analogy

What is the university analogy? The university analogy is something that I came up with because I thought it was the best way to explain the current KPOP market to a friend who knows next to nothing about KPOP.

When I was applying for colleges in 2011 as a junior, I was warned by everyone from my mother to my guidance counselor that having good grades and a good SAT score would simply not be enough. I ended my high school career ranked tenth out of a graduating class of several hundred students, a well-above average SAT score, honors and AP classes stacked up to my nose, four years of band as my extracurricular activity, and several awards—and I only got into two out of the six schools I applied to.

I imagine it’s much more difficult for today’s students to get accepted to the college of their dreams. College prep culture and the business of helping students study and prepare for applying to college are now so prevalent that an above 4.0 GPA means little to admissions boards these days. Institutions of higher education are more interested in what a student has to offer aside from their ability to study, memorize information, and pass tests for good grades. What makes them special? What do they do outside of school? What are their passions? Who do they want to be in the future?

The KPOP industry is much the same.

With the popularity of Korean media and especially KPOP booming around the world, it’s not enough to these Korean entertainment agencies that an individual is talented. There are definitely other factors they take into consideration, which means that there is one thing that every KPOP idol who has passed through a trainee program at one of those entertainment agencies and debuted as a group possesses—something that warring fandoms refuse to acknowledge about their adversaries: talent.

The KPOP Model

As much as some people might be irked by the fact that I’m calling it a model, there is a model that Korean entertainment agencies follow when trying to build a successful group. It’s basically the whole premise of JYP Entertainment’s A2K project, in which J.Y. Park’s goal is to find talented individuals in America and put them through the KPOP training system to show that it can be applied successfully to an international group. In partnership with Republic Records, JYP Entertainment is striving to create a girl group with global appeal through this reality competition.*

Trainees hoping to debut are put through grueling schedules where they practice singing, dancing, and rapping and are evaluated regularly. Some trainees don’t get to debut at all—some get sent home and some simply quit. There are some trainees who stay trainees for years; and by the time they get to debut, their relief and exhaustion are almost tangible.

While there are a few groups who don’t have fixed positions, the makeup of a KPOP group is pretty typical. There are designated vocalists, rappers, and dancers, with other positions dubbing them as main vocalist, center, visual, leader, etc. (Personally, I think that not having fixed positions is more of an indication of well-rounded talent, but people should remember that having fixed positions is also perfectly fine. Everyone is good at something—and conversely, everyone is also not as good at something.) Companies are competing for market share in sales and attention from fans so of course they’re only looking for the most talented individuals they can find; therefore it is a given at this point that every group who is currently active within the industry is talented. There might have been a time when groups could escape notice if someone was, say, only scouted for their visuals but today’s fans have discerning eyes and ears—and they want to see and hear something amazing.

If all KPOP groups are more or less going through the same training system and all the idols are talented, what sets one group apart from any other group? What does one group have that another group doesn’t?

The answer lies in the same thing that makes any piece of art extraordinary: people.

What KPOP Audiences Want

When I was on my way to see TOMORROW X TOGETHER in LA at the end of May, my Uber driver, who was a middle-aged Korean man with a love for IVE, told me something that I knew already but that I want to share with all of you, slightly paraphrased as I remember it:

If KPOP agencies were only looking for good-looking people who can sing and dance, they could find them in Korea. They scout in America and other countries because those people are influenced by different things, especially music, and have different perspectives and beliefs—which is particularly true for those who are a part of the Korean diaspora.

And, of course, representation matters—fans are always excited about seeing idols from their hometowns or home countries; and KPOP artists are seen as some of the biggest forms of positive representation for Koreans and Asians as a whole. In his documentary, SUGA: Road to D-Day, SUGA of BTS is shown being stopped by other Koreans while in Las Vegas thanking him for making Korea proud, so the emotional connection between artists and their fans definitely plays a significant role in the group’s success.

Even if fans don’t see themselves represented in the individual members of a group, they can still find elements in the music and styling that are familiar to them. Korea is a largely homogeneous country, although tourism and the globalization of Korean pop culture have led to an increase in foreigners and expatriates. KPOP is not longer meant to only appeal to Koreans; in order to appeal to audiences around the world, they have to find elements that those audiences will respond well to. This is why companies scout or accept as trainees Koreans born and/or raised in America, Canada, or Australia, for example; in addition to those from Japan, China, Thailand, and other Asian countries. How else could LE SSERAFIM have a Japanese ballerina and a Korean-American opera singer in the same group? How else could KARD have a Korean-American rapper who grew up speaking Spanish and Portuguese, which has had a significant influence on their sound from the beginning and contributes to their popularity in Latin America? In the same way that colleges want to see what makes students unique, Korean entertainment agencies and fans alike want to see what makes a KPOP group unique. Talent is a great starting point... but what else is there?

The most important thing to remember is that talent is not any one specific thing. Talents are varied and diverse and can therefore be highlighted in just as many ways. That is why one of the things that I find the most fascinating about KPOP is how many different shows there are to showcase the various talents of artists, especially when they’re having a comeback.

Aside from the regularly scheduled programming (SHOW CHAMPION, Mnet Countdown, THE SHOW, THE SHOW CHOICE, Music Bank, Show! MusicCore, and Inkigayo), and other miscellaneous shows such as Arirang’s SIMPLY K-POP CON-TOUR, there are shows dedicated to highlighting specific areas of talent in groups or individuals. While the aforementioned shows are by no means a lesser example of a group’s skills (as being a charismatic performer is still an important aspect of being a KPOP idol), these shows are not necessarily the best indicators of a group’s talents, as the use of backing tracks are common. Most of the channels that provide artists with opportunities to show off their best skills are solely online rather than broadcasted via a public network—but there is definitely demand for the kind of more niche content that these channels specialize in.

Groups known for their exceptional dance skills and impressive stage presence are often invited to STUDIO CHOOM, 1theK’s 1theKILLPO, or DGG’s COLOR DANCE. I definitely look forward to sessions from these channels as there is something so incredibly satisfying from seeing cleanly executed choreography and flawless synchronization between members. KPOP groups will also release performance versions of their music videos and dance practice videos themselves, showing off the efforts of their dedication and hard work to fans—so it’s not lost on me or anyone else that having skilled dancers is essential when forming a KPOP group. However, compared to singing, dancing is a skill that can be more easily honed through practice and repetition.** A person’s voice is unique to them; aside from technique refinement and improved musicality, a voice cannot get better if there was no talent to begin with. Vocalists go through training in order to work on the more technical aspects of singing, find their singing style, and become stronger singers. There are good singers—singers who have never had a vocal lesson but can sing in the right key and sound pretty while singing in the shower or at church, but the competitive nature of the KPOP industry doesn’t demand good singers—it doesn’t even demand great singers.

It demands extraordinary singers.

If a group has one or two star vocalists, they get invited to Lee Mujin Service, where they perform prepared pieces live in front of Lee Mujin, who is a talented singer himself, and his crew. If they’re lucky enough to have a whole group of well-rounded vocalists, they get invited to it’s Live to sing with a live band, where groups can perform to the fullest of their vocal abilities unhindered by having to perform choreography; or, one of my favorites, Dingo Music’s Killing Voice. There are also popular radio shows where groups can sing live, such as BTOB’s Kiss the Radio, COOL LIVE, STATION Z, and more, all streamed via KBS CoolFM. Whether it’s something that you personally look for or not, live vocals matter quite a lot to most fans; and even people who don’t know much about music can recognize when the mixed and mastered version of an artist’s voice is a huge departure from their original raw vocals. Vocal teachers or professional singers of other genres who react to KPOP groups for fun prefer to watch live performances as opposed to “produced” ones, as it is easier to get a truer sense of an idol’s vocal abilities when there’s no mixing and mastering involved. Live performances also give some vocalists the opportunity to share their real voice without any auto tune or other effects that producers add for stylistic reasons.

The holy grail of all shows, in my opinion, the KBS show Immortal Songs is a program where groups are invited to perform their own renditions of legendary songs by older, well-established artists who are highly respected and revered in the industry. Oh, and by the way, they’re not allowed to lip sync.

In June of this year, ATEEZ set a new record as the first group to win on Immortal Songs four separate times (and they’ve been on the show six times). Often dismissed by the Korean KPOP audience and by the rest of the industry for coming from a small company and for their unconventional style, they are mostly praised for their incredible performances and unmatched stage presence; and their live vocals tend to be overlooked. However, winning four times on a show where lip syncing is not allowed is no small feat and should be recognized for the achievement that it is; and I think that there are groups within the KPOP industry who would really benefit from participating in Immortal Songs so that they can receive the credit they deserve for their abilities.

Personally, the groups that I find the most talented are the ones who consistently sing well live. It’s rare that anyone will go through a session in the recording booth and not have to have their voice tweaked for the final product that then gets released; and there should be no expectation that an artist will sound the way they did on the album while they are also performing intense choreography. A skilled vocalist who knows their limits knows when to sing live and when to let the backing track fill in the gaps. Singing live while dancing, especially during concerts and world tours, requires a high level of strength, endurance, and stamina that can be achieved through consistent training; and there is a consensus of deep admiration for groups whose voices remain stable even as they are running up and down from the main stage to the extended catwalk and back. However, there have been some notable examples over the past few years of groups who have been caught lip syncing for the entire duration of the performance—or worse, caught lip syncing while sitting for the performance. The criticism and backlash for those offenses were not light by any means, and it is likely that fans are not going to forget them anytime soon.

Now, lip syncing is not a crime; rather, it is a necessity, especially if the artist is going to be performing for a greater length of time. Lip syncing during a moment of complicated choreography is totally acceptable. As aerobic activities, singing and dancing both require significant amounts of oxygen; and vocalists are more likely to choose to allocate their oxygen to dancing over singing. This is also why rappers tend to not have too much choreography during their verses, as they have to focus on articulating more syllables at a faster speed; or why main vocalists will stop moving right before they belt or sustain a long or high note. No artist should sacrifice their health or physical well-being for the sake of proving that they can sing live all the time—and no one should expect them to—but I do favor groups who prioritize being able to maintain vocal stability while singing live over those who seem content to only sing live some of the time.***

Conclusion

At the end of the day, it’s not possible to be totally objective about talent. Everyone’s personal preferences, including mine****, play a part in whether they perceive someone as being “good”. But what all KPOP fans should consider when putting down another group for being untalented is that not liking said group for things such as genre, style, or concept does not equate to a lack of talent. Additionally, a company’s failure to promote their artists properly or provide them with opportunities to truly showcase their abilities is also not an indication of a lack of talent but poor management. Members of a group are selected for the talents they possess. They may not possess all the skills demanded by industry standards by themselves but that is why, if the company is smart, they put together groups consisting of members with different talents so that they achieve a cohesive, well-balanced performance team. This is usually the goal but it is, of course, more impressive to have members who can do it all. Aces and all-rounders in KPOP are so highly sought after and heavily praised for this reason—audiences only ever want to see the best of the best; and with the number of active groups continuing to climb, everyone is feeling the pressure to step up their game and seek out the most talented individuals around the world. It’s uncertain what this fierce level of competition will mean for the future of KPOP but what we can all do is continue to be respectful and give artists the credit they deserve for their skills.

*Please note that I did not watch the A2K series aside from the official announcement, which provided a detailed explanation of the purpose of the project.

**This is not meant to be taken as saying that anyone can dance if they work hard enough at it or to demean the natural skill and talent of professional dancers. You definitely cannot dance well if you don’t already have a knack for it but it’s easier to teach a person who’s never danced before to dance than it is to teach someone who is tone deaf how to sing.

***Please make sure to watch the live version of ONEUS’s dance practice for “ERASE ME”, as it is a great example of artists who choose to sing live even though there is no expectation for them to be singing live in that particular situation.

****Please also note that while I am expressing my opinions here, some of the insight I am providing is based on my own knowledge and background in music in general, as well as in singing and dancing.

#GeniusLabThinks #KPOP #Korean Music #This is not meant to offend anyone. This is just some food for thought.#But also! Stop calling groups untalented just because their music isn't your favorite.

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edupunkn00b · 1 year

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Arizona's Journal, Ch. 4: In Coppenhagan

Prev - In Coppenhagen - Next - All - [ AO3 ]

I hate flying. Hate the TSA and the airlines and their bullshit ‘you can’t bring four ounces of water on board so we’ll gouge you $10 for an Aquafina past the first security checkpoint.’ Hate the scanners and the noise and the security theatre that took my contact solution but let me fly with the 5-inch Skeletool I’d left in my backpack from our last hike on Tiger Mountain. Hate it all.

The worst part of flying, though, was the hours and hours and hours it took to get my hands on the Kid so I could look him in the eye and watch him try not to laugh at the overprotective near paranoia that drove me to hop on a plane for a 13-hour flight because he wouldn’t pick up his phone.

“If you saw the guy I had in my bed, Arizona, you’d know why I didn’t want to answer,” he’d laugh and flip his neon green curls out of his eyes. “He went all day and all night.”

Then the Kid would give me a hug and make me breakfast for dinner and insist I take his bed while he slept on the couch. “What, you think I don’t clean the sheets? I’m not 19 anymore…”

He wouldn’t be lying in this damned hospital bed while Dino and the nurses and I all waited for him to wake up.

“Mrs. Prince? Your son has suffered a….” It bristled to be called fucking Mrs. Anything, let alone be called that foul beast who’d birthed this amazing, creative, brilliant kid, well, as the beard I fought against with an electric razor each morning protested, man. But it beat being left in the waiting room day after day, not being able to see him. So I lied and told them Remus was my son.

“Arizona?” Dino stood by the foot of the bed after another tonicity check the Kid had failed. “We have a staff meeting. I promised I would share the latest, even if…”

I nodded and held the Kid’s hand close to my lips. “Yeah, even if it’s just that he’s still breathing.”

“See you tonight, Remus,” he patted the Kid’s leg through the pristine hospital blanket and the little whooshing anti-blood clot booties they had the post-ops—and the coma patients—wear. “Wake up soon, man,” he whispered. “Your team’s pulling for you. Vi elsker dig,” He met my eyes and nodded. “Can I bring you anything?”

I shook my head. “I’m fine, thank you, though.” The nurses were kind and they kept hope in their voices and their words, but their eyes grew heavier with doubt each morning the Kid failed another Glasgow test. They’ve started pushing me more to go out and walk or have more than tea or whatever they could scrounge up from the break room.

They’re preparing me. The nurses and the orderly who comes in to help me gently twist and turn his six-foot tall frame to bathe him and change his clothes. Even the PA who found me a charger for the Kid’s razor when I couldn’t find the cord back at his apartment. They’re preparing me for the worst outcomes. They’re preparing me to be willing to leave this hospital without him. They’re preparing me and I know it and it fucking sucks.

I want to call Roman. I want to tell him his brother is here, that he should come and see him. Every day I don’t feels more like my choice and less like the Kid’s.

Each call had begun to end the same.

“Have you talked with your brother lately?” I’d always ask, knowing the answer.

“He’s busy with his newlywed life,” he’d say. Or, “I will once this project is done, I’m too scattered to make much sense anyway.”

“I’m sure he misses you,” I’d cajole, gently, softly. Repeatedly.

“I know. I just…” His sigh buzzed over the phone. "I'll call him."

I couldn’t find the charging cord, but I did find a phone bill. My number was the only one outside of Copenhagen on the damn thing.

I’m on one my ‘encouraged’ breaks while the Kid goes through another MRI. A muted television blasts images from the corner of this little café, hidden away at the entrance to staff parking. I can hardly believe the date. Been here three weeks. Coffee’s good, sunshine’s better. I just want the Kid to come down here and see it for himself.

#Arizona's Journal #Remus Prince #Arizona Tate #OC #Dino Patti #sorta OC #Roman Prince #mentioned #Happily Ever After Universe #cw hospital #cw implied suicide attempt

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dream-loudly · 11 months

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The Impact of Beyoncé’s Renaissance - Album Review Almost One Year Later

May 28, 2023

It’s been almost a year since Beyoncé released her seventh studio album Renaissance, which was released July 29, 2022. Ever since that day, the album is still a daily discussion amongst critics and listeners alike. However, one thing that was very apparent while listening to this album was how queer it sounded. Everything from the ballroom influenced outro on ‘Heated’ to the flamboyant sounds on ‘Pure/Honey.’ This album is a gay fantasy. Nevertheless, how does this album stand the test of time one year later?

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I’ve been a Beyoncé fan for as long as I remember. My favorite project by her to date would have to be B-Day, which was Beyoncé’s second studio album. B-Day in my opinion was a skipless masterpiece that will keep you moving from the first song to the last. It was when we got pop star Beyoncé. However, as Queen Bey’s career started to progress, she made the decision to make more artistic choices in her music that ranged from political awareness to personal themes such as marriage and infidelity. Nevertheless, this showed a lot of growth in Beyoncé’s artistry, but for me something was missing when she made the change in her career. I missed Beyoncé the pop star. I wanted her to make fun, carefree dance music. However, with Renaissance, Beyoncé is still political but displays it in a different way through the intersections of different communities, especially the queer community. Beyoncé has stated that this album is inspired by her late uncle Johnny who passed away from AIDS complications. The album is heavily influenced by Dance-pop, house, disco, R&B and Afrobeat. The first single that was released was ‘Break My Soul,’ which interpolates ‘Show Me Love,’ by Robin S. When I saw that title of the song, I assumed it was going to be a ballad, but I was pleasantly surprised by the sound, which was something I have never heard from Beyoncé. This was a sign that a new era was coming!

As July 29th approached, I was eager and excited to hear what this body of work would sound like in it’s entirety. At first listen, I was impressed by the complexities of the sounds. Every song had transitions that slowly faded into the next song similar to that of a DJ set. There’s a couple of transitions that come to mind, one being the Cuff it, Energy and Break My Soul transitions that were chief’s kiss and very pleasing to the ear. I loved how she wanted this album to feel like a club experience. Speaking of club experience, I went to a gay club one month after Renaissance was released and the DJ played four songs from the album. This says a lot considering that it isn’t always the norm to hear multiple songs from one artist, especially songs that would be considered deep cuts from an album. One of those deeps cuts that would eventually become a single is ‘Cuff It.’

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Cuff It was definitely a highlight on this album for me. It’s bright, lighthearted and dance floor ready. It’s nostalgic and throwback to 70s disco. The song gained immense popularity on TikTok after users started creating dances to the song ultimately inspiring the “Cuff it challenge.” Along with Cuff It, there were other songs that were polarizing from this project such as Virgo’s Groove, which is a whopping six minutes in length. However, when listening to the track, it doesn’t feel like a long song as the harmonies and arrangements are made in a way to flow as it is too enjoyable to even think about the playing time. What is especially interesting to me about the song is the sultry outro in which Beyoncé coos the lyrics, “You’re the love of my life.” It is so beautiful yet striking to hear those powerhouse vocals, and apparently there’s emotion behind what she’s trying to convey. Another few songs that are worth mentioning are THIQUE, All Up In Your Mind and America Has a Song Problem.

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Renaissance was released 10 months ago at this point and there seems to still be quite a dialogue going on about the album. In a way, it has taken on a life of its own. Before Renaissance Beyoncé was taking on social and political topics in her music about blackness and black liberation. However, she does the same thing here, but with the intersections of the queer community. House and disco were created by queer people of color, especially black and brown folks in cities such as New York and Chicago. Beyoncé does her homework when studying these sounds and as a result gives credit to the innovators who made this sound possible. However, we still have to acknowledge that Beyoncé is a cisgendered, straight woman dappling in this genre. There’s a big difference between appropriating and appreciating; however, Beyoncé is doing the latter. I’ve also noticed that the album is not an easy listen for most people. There are so many sounds, transitions and effects going on that it might be hard for the general listener to keep up with. This was evident recently when YouTuber AJay Deluxe reacted to Renaissance for the first time. And when I say that woman was dragged by social media, I mean DRAGGED! To be fair, house, dance and disco aren’t everyone’s cup of tea in terms of music, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Nevertheless, one problematic thing she said in her video is that Renaissance is “hip hop,” which is furtherest from the truth. Beyoncé is known for talk-singing in a melodic way so it is completely ignorant to call her music hip hop just because she’s singing or talking in rhythmic patterns. The tracks where you can clearly hear those tones are in Church Girl and THIQUE, but to say the whole album is considered hip hop is a stretch.

In conclusion, after spending one year with Renaissance, I still listen to the album at least twice a week. I’ve actually never grown tired of it. It simply gets better with every listen. It’s safe to say that this is my second favorite Beyoncé album (first being B-Day). I’m also astounded by how Beyoncé is constantly reinventing herself with each era in her career. As someone who has followed her since her days of Destiny’s Child, I am proud to say that she is just as relevant if not more than she was back when she debuted. Renaissance is going to be an album that we will be speaking about for years to come. It’s legendary, iconic and timeless.

#beyonce #renaissance #pop music #music #edm music #cuff it #break my soul #music review #album review #r&b/hip hop #r&b #black tumblr #black women #rihanna #lgbtq #black queer #queer love

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daburuwosagase · 1 year

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Guess I'll do a year review for the heck of it.

2022 sucked badly for me and for many loved ones (you know who you are). It's been very trying from start to finish. A lot of my coping mechanisms just did not work. There is no silver lining in losing family and friends. There were so many awful circumstances popping up without rest that left me feeling powerless. Dates are arbitrary, but I have been looking forward to the end of the year since March.

In the coming year, I want to get off the internet and go outside, get a job in the field I'm actually trained for, focus on one-on-one relationships, whatever else will make me feel like I'm progressing with my life. I've been very thankful to have physical stability all this year and last. But it's time to get back up.

Recounting all the awful stuff would just be a downer, so I'll list off the positives:

Graduated after six years! Got oodles of qualifications! Sure would be nice if an employer took notice! I worked my butt off to actually get good grades in the last semester and boost my GPA over that 3.5 threshold. I think I'd have been really frustrated if I had ended up at 3.49. So I'm proud of myself for pouring effort into my own future for once.

(Technically) finished up the biggest translation project I've ever done. I'm not taking on that much unpaid solo work ever again. But wow, I think I deserve street cred forever for that one.

Got foot surgery after four years! Now that I'm *literally* back on my feet, it's...

...actually, I'm gonna derail this post and talk candidly about that. I just did my exercises for the night and my legs are feeling great. I bounced up the stairs with a spring in my step earlier today, and moderately quickly at that. I've been able to go on walks around the neighborhood and still have strength after getting back home. I can just STAND. Back in the summer, I couldn't even stand around normally without some pain.

I'm frustrated with myself for not getting help earlier, for always thinking "yeah it was pretty bad last week but it's feeling better, so no need to call the doctor, right?", for taking so long to progress to surgery even when I finally DID see a doctor. It shouldn't have taken four goddamn years when, according to what I'm reading, surgery can be considered after six months for what I had.

If you're reading this right now and you experience chronic pain: please schedule an appointment. Don't wait for the next flareup.

Anyway, it got so bad that I just couldn't walk. The pain wasn't like constantly walking on spikes — it only felt like that for brief moments here and there, as if that's much better. But it WAS constant, and eventually would hurt even when sitting down. And I was wondering if I was going to be stuck in pain for the rest of my life, not able to go anywhere, not able to do anything about it. And I *did* give up on going outside and standing in the kitchen long enough to make a meal.

When the doctor explained surgery as an option to me, it sounded too good to be true. Nothing else had worked, yet this method was supposed to be a total cure? She made it sound pretty damn perfect though. So I scheduled a date, put my life on hold for two months, and actually started to feel hopeful. Only a month left of grinning and bearing it, only a few weeks, a few days...

...and like I thought, something just HAD to go wrong. Just like every other thing this year. One stupid false positive test and eeeverything got rescheduled, and the month-long timer got reset, and I was heartbroken. It hurt so much and I was so scared that it'd happen again.

But as you know, I *did* get the surgery. I was insanely anxious in those last three days beforehand, but by god, afterward, there was NO pain in the places where it'd been constant before. Sure, I could only crawl for two weeks, and I'm still relearning how to walk properly, but holy crap! I can move around! I can stand around aimlessly and it doesn't hurt! I could probably run, though I haven't tried! I managed to walk around for two hours on uneven ground last month and see the sights of a nearby national park, and it was beautiful and unbelievably peaceful and it's a memory I'll treasure for life. We're planning to revisit the same place next month, and while I know it won't be the same as that perfect first time, I'm still so excited for it. I can plan in advance again! I have things to look forward to again! All of this seemed impossible a few months ago!

I'm still holding my breath a little because this year has just burned me over and over again. But the groundwork has been laid for things to get better.

#personal #cw: medical #oops! turned into a different post halfway

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cutieodonoghue · 2 years

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invisible string (15/18)

summary: modern soulmate birthmark au; After Omera lost her soulmate, she lost hope she’d ever find love again. Then, a short time before Earth’s first colony ship will be sent to a place they call the Outer Rim, she meets a Mandalorian whose touch makes her Soul Mark burn. (Mandomera!)

rating: hard T

word count: ~4.4k

prev. chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

read chapter 15 down below or on ao3!

an: Quick reminder that I'm updating every day now so don't miss yesterday's update! :) Thanks for reading!!

Chapter 15: Departure Day

“To illustrate just how much time passed from the day they took their detour until The Razor Crest’s departure day, Omera shows me a physical diary she kept. It’s a leather-bound book with wrinkled pages that fray at the edges as she flips through page upon page of meticulous note taking.

‘I hid this beneath my bed so Winta wouldn’t find it. I wrote in it every day. I wanted to remember how I felt- how my soul felt- in case when I got here, our Bond was broken.’

There are tears in her eyes as she reads the entries aloud to me. Sometimes it feels like a scientist doing daily record keeping, but there are a few that make me see their Bond as Omera does: good even on the worst days.

‘I never hated him,’ she tells me. ‘Even when it hurt the worst, I could never hate him. He’s part of me.’” - Soulmates and the Outer Rim: Real Stories About Soulmates Who Went the Distance

Omera had dreamed about the end of the project for a very long time.

In the weeks that preceded the final deadlines, she’d been absolutely swamped; going to work on a moment’s notice, sleeping in her office while Cara stayed with Winta, missing meals and wearing the same clothes for days on end.

Finally, the Razor Crest was ready. Every colonist had been given their instructional packets, schedules, and the skin-tight suits they’d have to wear in cryo. Every crew member had been briefed, outfitted, and were well-versed in the mission goals.

The ship itself was gorgeous and had done even better than they imagined it would when they brought her into the Milky Way for several test runs of varying lengths and purposes.

The final test, the crew had gone for a week-long real world emergency run to test their knowledge and strengths. It was chaotic and relentless, but they bonded in ways that were vital to their upcoming journey.

Departure day was hours away and then the ship would be off, sent to the Outer Rim at a breakneck speed that would land them there in twenty years’ time.

Then, the exploration would begin.

The next colony ship was already being built and she’d given her blessing to Fennec, who was the next project lead. About half of the crew that had worked on the Razor Crest would be transferred over to it while the other half went to the Outer Rim.

Omera had done hundreds of walkthroughs of the ship in her time as the project director. She’d done most of those walkthroughs with partners and crew members at her side. One night, she and Din brought Grogu and Winta. She’d never forget the giggles that bounced off the walls of the bridge when Din helped Grogu pretend to fly.

Tonight, though, it was just her.

She wandered through the cryo bay and counted the rows of pods that would contain each of the souls that had committed ever so joyously to their mission.

She visited the living spaces for the crew that would wake up in cycles. They’d spend a day awake every six months so they would be able to verify that the journey was still proceeding as it was meant to. And of course, there would be times they’d have to wake up for emergencies.

There were chairs set out around a table in the kitchen where crew members might eat something light before they’d return to cryo sleep. A couch was built into the wall where a crew member might sit to reattach his boots after stretching out his once frozen muscles.

In the event of a low-level emergency on board the ship, there was a protocol that dictated that the crew would be required to remain on call, which meant they would need a safe place to sleep.

Just down the hall from the kitchen, there were twelve bedrooms, all outfitted with the same bed and comforts that would remind them of home.

She made sure to leave each crew member a personalized note of encouragement in their locker, should they need to feel a little less lonely when they woke from cryo to work.

Satisfied with her tour, she ended on the bridge, where she counted and checked each of the bridge crew pods. On the front of each pod were the names of who would occupy them. To her disappointment and grief, Din’s name was not among them.

He’d withdrawn his name from the list after the final list of bridge crew was drafted. To his vocalized surprise, there had been a one hundred percent success rate on the final simulator run, including during Omera’s. It meant that a segment of the fully trained crew would be used only in the event of a ship-wide emergency.

Din’s soul was calm. She rarely felt any change in it. There were plenty of reasons he could’ve felt this way, but she sourly attributed it to the fact that he’d found peace in regards to his choice to stay on Earth with Grogu while she left him behind.

It was unfair to wish he’d change his mind and go. It was unfair to change her mind and stay behind.

As much as they both cared for each other- loved each other- their relationship had died that afternoon in her office.

She didn’t give herself any time to mourn it. In a way, it was like it had never ended because she could still feel him with her in their Bond. Would it still be like this when she was in the Outer Rim?

“Taking one last tour?”

Omera looked up at the sound of Leia’s voice and smiled at her boss happily. “Yes. I’m just admiring how beautiful everything is.”

Leia hummed peacefully. She entered from the door that came from the crew’s quarters.

“Are you excited?” she asked. “Nervous?”

Omera gauged her emotions and nodded. “Yes and yes.”

They both chuckled. Leia joined her where she stood at the main bridge console. They looked out the main windows, out at the sunset that covered the land just outside.

“I noticed that Din Djarin is no longer listed on the manifest,” Leia said gently. “Do you know if everything is alright? I’ve asked around and nobody seems to know what happened. He’s very quiet.”

Omera swallowed. She looked away from the sunset and at her boss instead. “We… ended things. We Bonded too quickly and it was too much for us. I guess he must have decided that going to the Outer Rim would make things worse.”

Leia was unsurprised by what she had to say. “The same thing happened when Han and I Bonded.” She smiled a little. “He drove me crazy. Still does. But… we love each other, and that’s worth fighting for.”

The problem with what Leia had to say was that as far as Omera knew, Din didn’t want to fight for them.

He chose the Mandalorians and Grogu. She couldn’t be upset with that choice. She knew how much he loved Grogu and how much Grogu loved Din. As long as he was at peace, and it seemed that he was, she was okay with the way things had ended.

That didn’t mean she didn’t miss him constantly. She sometimes laid in bed, exhausted but unable to sleep, staring at his pillow wishing he was there to talk to. He had a way of making it better- easier- that she missed so much it hurt.

She loved him with everything she had. She knew he’d done the same. For what little time they shared together, they both walked away as better people because of that love.

“Sometimes it isn’t that simple,” Omera replied.

Leia nodded. She studied Omera for a few seconds before she asked, “Do you still love him?”

Omera’s eyes closed and she dropped her chin toward her chest.

Leia gave her a sympathetic smile and touched her arm. “Don’t give up hope. It’s the strongest weapon you have.”

She wanted to reply that there were mere hours left before she’d lose him forever, but Leia walked away to continue her own private tour of the ship.

Omera breathed out a sigh and made her way off of the Razor Crest. As she walked, she looked around at the hangar one last time. They’d move the ship overnight to the airfield where departure was scheduled to take place.

It was almost surprisingly quiet, but she wasn’t alone. Just to her right, she spotted an old friend: Boba Fett, who wore a soft smile on his lips at the sight of her.

“How does she look?”

Omera approached him and they instantly embraced, something that gave her comfort in a way she hadn’t felt since things fell apart with Din.

“She’s gorgeous, Boba,” Omera murmured. She stepped back from him. “You and your team did great work.”

Boba looked at the ship and he nodded slowly. “And we were a week ahead of schedule, thanks to you. How does it feel to be finished?”

She chuckled and shrugged her shoulders. “I’m so relieved. Now I just have to worry about getting her off the ground.”

He hummed. “Test flights went well. I don’t think we have anything to fear.”

Omera noticed Boba’s eyes on her left wrist, where her Mark sat uncovered. She had an immediate instinct to protect it, to hide the truth from him, but when he looked into her eyes there was something she hadn’t expected to see: understanding.

“How long?”

She took a deep breath. “About four months.”

Boba tilted his head toward the elevators and they began to walk slowly toward them. “Has he been good to you, or do I need to sit him down and straighten him out?”

Omera pulled on a brave face and laughed under her breath. “No, you don’t need to do that.”

For a few seconds, he was silent. “Do I know him?”

Her heart flipped. She ran her fingers against her Mark and avoided his eyes. “Yes. He’s… on the project, actually.”

They stopped in front of the lift and Boba pressed the call button. “You’ll both be on the mission to the Outer Rim, then?”

She shut her eyes when a pang of sorrow filled her. She shook her head, unable to voice the response, and her companion huffed in anger.

“I’ll sit him down. Who is it? Is it one of my guys?”

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “It just didn’t… we decided to end things.”

Boba searched her eyes. “You decided to end things.”

Omera forced herself to smile as she nodded. She entered the lift and watched Boba join her. He pressed the button that would take them to her office.

“There were things keeping us apart,” she explained slowly. “And those things eventually added up to be too much, so we decided that it should be over between us.”

He didn’t seem very happy about her choice. His scowl was hard to hide.

“You don’t deserve to have this happen again.”

Omera’s heart squeezed. “It’s not happening again. We’re still Bonded.”

His brow lifted. “For now. What happens in twenty years when you wake up from cryo and suddenly, it’s over?”

The lift doors opened, but before she could step outside, Boba put his hand on her arm gently.

“Is it Djarin?”

Omera’s breath caught in surprise. How did he know? She stared at him, unwilling to let the truth out, and chose not to respond. Instead, she smiled at him.

“I’ll be okay. No matter what happens. I survived it before, I can survive it again.”

He followed her out of the elevator. “My father was never the same after he severed his Bond. You know the story.”

Omera nodded. “I know.”

“He mourned her every day, just as you did before.” Boba gently turned her to face him in the middle of the hall. “You must really care for this guy if you’re willing to walk away like this.”

She looked down. “I do.”

Boba was silent. He slid his hand against her arm to soothe her. “You and Winta won’t be alone out there.”

Her smile was soft. “I know. We have each other.”

When she met his eyes, he frowned sorrowfully. “I’m gonna talk to Djarin. Try to see if I can get him back onto this ship.”

Omera opened her mouth to argue, but before she could, Boba’s phone rang loudly in his pocket. He grabbed it and gestured to the device when he saw who it was.

“That’ll be the princess,” he sighed. He nodded at her. “If I don’t see you again until the Outer Rim… I’ll miss you. Be good.”

She laughed gently. “I’ll miss you too. See you soon.”

Boba’s grin was warm as he lifted his phone to his ear. “Good afternoon, Miss Organa.”

Omera and Winta had made plans weeks ago with Cara and Peli for a goodbye party.

They’d meet again in what would only feel like a year, but in reality would be twenty, so they wanted to part ways with as much fun as they could muster.

When Omera arrived home, she was greeted by Winta in a party hat and what must have been an endless supply of balloons and confetti strewn all over every surface and taped on every wall.

Cara and Peli both had party hats, too, and noisemakers that they blew into noisily when they saw her.

“Congratulations, Mama!” Winta yelled. “You did it! You finished your ship!”

Omera laughed happily. “Wow! Thank you.”

Cara snapped a party hat onto Omera’s head and pulled the noisemaker from between her lips.

“It’s gonna be twenty years until we see you guys again,” Cara teased. “We thought we’d go out in style.”

Peli chuckled from her seat at the kitchen island. “We got cake, cookies, brownies…”

“Ice cream,” Winta sang. “And there’s pizza and there’s all your favorite snacks, too.”

Omera admired the spread of food that they’d prepared, set out all over the kitchen and on the dining table.

“Amazing,” Omera replied with a smile. “Is there also music to dance to?”

“Of course.”

Cara flipped on the music of choice from the tablet on the counter and music began to play at a mild level across the living area.

“Now it’s a party.”

They ate until they were full and then went back for seconds. There would be foods like these one day when they got to the Outer Rim, but they would have to prepare it all themselves, and the supplies would be quite limited until they were able to start up a manufacturing industry.

When they were completely stuffed, they all laid out on the living room floor surrounded by a fortress of pillows and blankets and watched one of Winta’s favorite movies. She fell asleep about a quarter of the way into it, which made Omera smile before she kissed the top of her head where it rested just beneath her arm.

Cara looked at them with a little grin that slowly faded. “So you’re really gonna go, huh?”

Omera took a deep, steadying breath and nodded. “Yeah. We’re gonna go.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

She knew the answer without having to think. “A week ago at the final mission meeting. He didn’t look at me once.”

Cara shook her head, annoyed. “I know you love him, but I hate what he did to you guys.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Omera defended him. “We always knew that what we were doing was against his beliefs, and we knew that it meant things might end.”

“And you’re okay with that? You’re happy to have, what, three weeks with the guy you’re crazy about? Your soulmate? And just never see him again?”

Omera was quiet. No. She wasn’t okay with it. She missed him more than she could ever admit out loud.

“I have to be okay with it. He chose his son. I would have done the same.”

Cara sighed. “I’m sorry. I was rooting for you to get the happy ending. You deserve it more than anyone I know.”

Omera looked down at Winta, still sound asleep, and smiled at the sight of her. “All I need is my girl.”

Once Cara drifted off to sleep, Omera looked around the room, grateful for what had led her to get to this place: surrounded by people who cared for her, warm and safe.

They would have one another in a year, when Peli and Cara arrived on their colonist ship to the Outer Rim. It was tantalizing to daydream about what life would look like then. Would she and Winta have a home of their own? Would they have found new friends? Would she love her job? Would she be a teacher then, or would she find something she liked more?

The one thing that brought those questions away from her mind were the dreams she and Din had shared. Their home on the water- Ocean Plot C- with four bedrooms and a garden.

She still wanted that life. It killed her that she couldn’t just set those dreams aside, even after they had ended things.

“Mind I ask you something?” Peli’s voice lifted her out of her thoughts.

She turned to face her friend who sat upright on the floor, her back pressed against the front of a living room chair with her knees drawn up to her chest.

Omera nodded. “Anything.”

“Would you have Bonded with the Mandalorian if you knew how it would turn out in the end?”

Her lips pressed together in a frown and she looked down at Winta, soothing her with a gentle touch of her palm against her arm.

“If I knew how it would turn out, I would have tried to Bond with him sooner,” she replied. Looking into Peli’s eyes, she managed a smile. “He changed our lives for the better. I don’t regret it.”

The author nodded slowly. “Does it give you peace knowing part of him will be with you when you leave?”

Omera’s eyes unexpectedly began to burn with tears. She hadn’t given it very much thought- a soulmate Bond wrapped two souls together and never gave any qualms about distance.

“Yes,” she said, her voice breathless. She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’ll be with him for the rest of his life. I’ll be able to mourn his passing even if no one else will. I don’t want him to be alone.”

Peli frowned compassionately. “I don’t think it’s fair.”

“It’s all we can do,” Omera sighed. “He can’t leave. I can’t stay. We’ve both made our peace with it. I can feel it in my soul.”

Her friend was quiet for a little while. “You know, the statistical probability of having two Matches within your lifetime is less than a fraction of a percent. There have only been a few of them.”

Omera nodded. “I had a feeling it was rare.”

“Do you know how special it is to meet your Match? Even with databases and all that… there still has to be perfect timing and circumstances.”

“How rare is it?”

“Less than half of the population is Bonded or Matched,” the stat rolled off of Peli’s tongue easily. She suddenly smiled, full of a bright and contagious hope. “With statistics like those, there must be a reason you found him when you did.”

Omera thought back to what Leia had told her on the bridge and her smile spread. “It doesn’t hurt to have a little hope that somehow it will work out in the end. Does it?”

On departure day, Omera and Winta were both up incredibly early. Their arrival window was one of the earliest, with the rest of the crew and the passengers that the crew would bring along with them to the Outer Rim.

It was dark when they arrived, but there were big lights set up all over the airfield where the Razor Crest awaited boarding.

Winta was excited. She held Omera’s hand and bounced happily as they made their way through the small line to the intake handler.

They were each permitted to bring two large cases of their belongings, which had been difficult to pack in the days leading up to the departure. They brought clothes, blankets, and pillows. Favorite movies and games. Little trinkets that would remind them of Cara and Peli. Books and notes from other friends. All of them were touches of home on Earth that they would incorporate into their new life.

As they stepped up to the ship that loomed tall and vast over them, Omera was reminded of her husband’s discovery and the promises he’d made to himself- and to her- that one day he’d be among the first to voyage out to the place he’d discovered.

Pride swelled in her chest. They would be there soon.

“Mama, will it hurt?” Winta asked as they entered the cryo bay.

She shook her head and knelt down in front of her daughter, holding onto her arms. “No, my love. It’s just going to be really cold, but you’ll be asleep before you feel any of that. And when you wake up, we’ll be there.”

Winta smiled widely. “I’m so excited.”

“I know,” Omera smiled back. She squeezed her arms. “Come here. Give me a big hug.”

Winta did as she was asked and wrapped her arms around Omera’s neck. She held on as tight as she could, already missing her, and left kisses to the side of her head until her daughter giggled.

“I love you so much,” Omera murmured. “I’ll be right here when you wake up. I promise.”

Winta nodded back at her. “I love you too.”

She smiled with encouragement and waited at Winta’s side while the cryo specialists tucked her into her pod. They were both kind and made a game out of it, which made Omera feel a hundred times better about what little pain she might feel.

Once she was in cryo sleep, one of the specialists turned to her and gave her a comforting nod.

“She did beautifully. You can rest easy now.”

“Thank you.”

Now, it was her turn. She made her way out of the cryo bay and found the members of the crew all gathered together on the bridge.

For takeoff, they would only require the Primary Team: a group of six of the higher performing crew members whose abilities were specialized for takeoff.

The Secondary Team, which Omera was part of, would be put into cryo ahead of time, and when the ship was a full six hours into its mission, just two crew members from the Primary Team would remain awake for a full week’s time.

The goal of it was that if anything were to go wrong, they would be able to address it well before the computer would have to wake anybody up on its own.

There was a hum around the bridge. Nerves and excitement, mostly, but then she heard something strange.

One of the members of the Secondary Team asked, “What is the protocol for a missing pilot?”

“A missing pilot?” she asked, frowning. “What do you mean?”

“The lead pilot for the Primary Team hasn’t shown up. It’s beyond the call window.”

Omera blinked. She ran through the protocols in her mind. There wasn’t any need to panic. It was obvious what would need to be done.

“Leia knows,” she told them. “She’ll bring one of the members from the Reserve Team onto the bridge and Ahsoka will probably be moved up from Secondary.”

She eyed the cryo pods on the wall. Overhead, the radio connection from the mission control tower quieted them, “Secondary Team, you’re cleared for cryo. Your lead pilot is on the way.”

Relief covered the members of the bridge crew. Omera turned to the group of her team nearby and tilted her head toward the pods.

“It’s time.”

The crew pods operated differently from the colonist’s in that they were primarily computer operated, whereas the colonist’s were supplementarily computer operated. This would prevent the computer from waking everyone on board should something go wrong. Their doses of the sleeping agent were different as well, to help encourage fast wakeup times on short notice.

Omera entered her pod with a spectacular sense of calm about the mission ahead. It would have been natural to feel uneasy, or to have concerns, but all she felt was an eagerness for her new life to begin.

When her cryo door closed, the lights inside turned off and she heard the computer explain the process.

“In ten seconds, you will be injected with a temporary dosage of a sleep-inducing drug. Do not panic or move around. You will then be given twenty seconds to fall asleep before the cryo stasis process begins.”

“Ten. Nine. Eight.”

There was a little window that peered out at the bridge and Omera saw movement from a few of the Primary Team members. Smiles and relief. The pilot must have finally arrived. Good.

“Three. Two. One.”

The injection of the drug stung in her arm. Almost immediately, she began to feel the effects, just as she did when they ran a test a few weeks ago.

She gazed out her pod window and allowed her breathing to even out.

Suddenly, pure joy filled her soul from top to bottom- a never-ending burst of light that made her want to laugh out loud.

She wasn’t sure where it came from. Maybe it was elation over the mission. Maybe it was just joy.

“Ten.”

And then she saw him right in front of her pod window. His brown eyes shined as he stared back at her. She’d recognize that face anywhere, even with glassed over eyes as sleep threatened to pull her under.

Din?

She felt her eyes sag heavily and was unable to open them again to verify if she’d dreamed him or if he was real.

She hoped with everything in her that he was real.

Read Chapter 16

#mandomera #din x omera #the mandalorian #my writing #invisible string fic #lowkey want to post 16 today too but i won't LOL

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