#I drew Elodie because I can

[stormy-blossom]

Had a sily little Snow White AU idea...

Kieran has apples associated with him so it seemed kind of fitting lol. Both outfits draw inspiration from Prince Florian and Snow White from Disney's version. I imagine the poison apple would have something to do with pecharunt...

Feel free to take inspiration from this, I'd appreciate it if you'd tag me so I can see!

#pokemon kieran #★stormy's ocs★ #pokemon scarlet and violet #the indigo disc spoilers #The Indigo Disk #mochi madness spoilers #<- slight since pecharunt mention #I drew Elodie because I can #Honestly any character can fit the role if you want Juliana/Florian #Elodie is just my version of the scarlet protagonist #kieran pokemon #Can this be tagged as Dipplinshipping? Idk...

[dietraumerei]

Whumptober 2021: Burns

You can read this, and my other Whumptober stories, on AO3 here: Hurts So Good: A Whumptober 2021 Collection

Summary: Set in my Moiety -verse AU.

Evangeline has a kitchen accident, and the household comes together to make sure she's good and cared for, whether she likes it or not.

(Unfortunately this is probably not enormously sensible if you're not at least a bit familiar with the AU, sorry!)

CW: minor injuries, descriptions of pain

“She's here!”

Aziraphale was kneeling out on Crowley's veranda, craning around to watch the road that led to their big house. Kneeling so she was out of sight; it wouldn't be fair to cheat.

Ixchel was right at her back, chin hooked on her shoulder. “Does she look all right?”

“I can't see,” Aziraphale said. “But she sent us a selfie this morning and she looked okay.”

Ixchel hugged her tightly. “I know she is. Just...” “Yeah.” Aziraphale sighed. “I just...I know we'll see her soon, but. It's not the same, until I've hugged her.”

“Now you know how we felt when you came home,” Ixchel said, and Aziraphale sat down – she couldn't see the front of the house anyway – and pulled Ixy into her lap for a snuggle.

“I didn't make you wait too long?” she said.

“Yes, you did, because any amount of time is too long,” Ixchel told her, and kissed her cheek. “I forgive you,” she said magnanimously.

Aziraphale laughed, softly – she didn't want to get caught. Not that that was bad, but it was, well, bending the rules.

She hugged Ixchel tightly, and waited for the text that said it was all right to go to Evangeline's bedroom and hug her and kiss her and see for herself that her love was all right.

It had been horrible. She'd been there, in the kitchen, when the pot of hot oil had tipped and spilled over Evangeline's bare arm. She'd heard her love scream, a raw, painful sound, and had barely remembered what to do, Evangeline bent over and making harsh, sad noises. Crowley had rushed her to the clinic, and Aziraphale had cleaned up the kitchen numbly, waiting for news.

She doesn't need a skin graft, but she's hurting real bad, and they're worried about infection. Keeping her overnight. Can someone bring a bag for me and her? I'm allowed to stay.

Crowley's message, clipped and tight, and the Beloved Whores had worked together to finish supper, comfort the children – and not-so-children, Elodie was a big girl of eighteen now – and wait for any more news, while Amiel ran a bag of clothes and toiletries and little presents to the clinic.

News had come that morning, straight from Evangeline.

It's a bad burn, but could be worse. Hurts. But I get to come home today. I love you all so much.

And now Aziraphale was here, holding Ixchel in the autumn light. They didn't want to overwhelm Evangeline, so were taking it in turns; Crowley would get her inside and to bed, and then as was right her children could love on her, and stay as long as they liked. Then Aziraphale and Ixchel, and finally Amiel with her littles, to be watched collectively while they fussed their love and made her comfortable and cuddled her.

It felt like forever until Ixchel's phone buzzed, and they saw the message, from Evangeline herself. My silly, wonderful loves, get in here. I need kisses.

Aziraphale screamed and Ixchel laughed and helped her up and they all but ran for the harem's quarters, Aziraphale holding Ixchel's hand tight and helping her along and there, there was Evangeline in bed, already under the covers. Her arm was in a sling and she looked pale, her eyes dark in her thin face, and Aziraphale made it to the bed first, scooping her up in a gentle, gentle hug, not touching her arm but kissing her.

“Shhh, there, precious. Shh. I'm all right,” Evangeline comforted.

“I know. I know.” Aziraphale kissed her softly, and drew aside to be nice and let Ixchel get a hug and oh, there was her Crowley gathering her up, the other part of her heart she'd missed so much, even with just a night apart.

“Hello,” she murmured, and got her arms around Crowley's shoulders, kissing her tenderly. “Welcome home you, too.”

“Aw, shut up, angel,” Crowley said, but she was blushing too, and Aziraphale felt pretty victorious about that. So she kissed Crowley again, very gently. Crowley hated hospitals, and talking to doctors, and hearing gorey details, and Aziraphale kissed her and tried to banish the hard part of being a moiety leader.

Crowley was soon soft in her arms, and Aziraphale kept her there, turning them both to look at the rest of the room and check in. Amiel was sitting in an easy chair with Star in her lap, Sandy big-eyed and serious and quiet playing with something at her feet. Judith was in bed with her mother, lying on her side, and Esther stood next to her, while Elodie sat at the foot of the bed, her face grave.

And Evangeline, of course, sat up in bed in Ixchel's arms, and she caught Aziraphale's eye and smiled wider, and Aziraphale knew she was doing right. There would be time to fuss over their Evvie for days to come – no, a whole lifetime. Their little family would take turns helping her or just being with her, and Crowley shouldn't be forgotten in that. Evangeline gave her the tiniest nod, and Aziraphale nodded back, and that was that.

She kissed Crowley's temple, and rubbed her back. “Right,” she said, with everyone settled for the moment. “Tea. Who'll help me carry?”

“I can,” Judith said, and she kissed her mum's shoulder before rising, Esther taking her place. They didn't cuddle around Evangeline's hurt arm, but they were close, and Aziraphale took note. The burn was painful, and that meant no touching – not there, anyway, Ixchel was stroking Evangeline's hair and pressing kisses to her face at regular intervals.

(Aziraphale remembered that from her own time stuck in bed, healing from her broken leg. Ixchel was there so much, and held her so gently, and her kisses made everything bad seem more distant. Evangeline was in the best hands, literally, she could ever be.)

“You all right, lovey?” Aziraphale asked softly as they left the room, headed for the kitchen.

“I am. No, I promise Azi, I am.” Judith smiled. “I mean, not completely. It's scary, and I'm scared for Mum. But she'll be fine. They...she's going to be all right. Everyone says.”

“She will,” Aziraphale comforted. “It's painful and really scary, but there's no infection, and soon it'll just be scars. And we'll take care of her.”

Judith's smile grew. “We're going to have to tie her to the bed.”

Aziraphale laughed as she put the kettle on, and Judith got the tea things out – two pots, enough for the whole family. “Between all of us, I think we can manage something. Are your sisters all right, my love? We need to take care of you lot too.”

“Elodie's scared shitless,” Judith said bluntly. “But she'll be all right in a day or two. She takes people getting hurt pretty hard, you know that. Esther is all right as long as she doesn't have to see the burn, and Crowley's gonna teach me how to change Mum's dressing safely.” She smiled. “I want to cry a bit, and I already have. But none of us are in a bad way, Azi, I promise. Not like before.”

“It's a bit less dramatic than before,” Aziraphale teased her a little, and held out her arms, and was rewarded with a hug from the big teenaged girl, grown tall and plump and halfway to adult. Grown up from when Aziraphale met her, when Aziraphale was hurt and she was just a kid who was fascinated by anything medical, but especially her x-rays. She was still fascinated; medical school was a certainty now, if still a few years off.

She kissed Judith's hair and let her go, and they made tea and gathered mugs and a little pot of milk for those who liked that and a little pot of sugar for those who liked that, and between the two of them the whole household, still crammed into Evangeline's room, was well-watered, so to speak.

Gradually, people drifted away. Sandy and Star, much as they loved Evangeline, were a little young still to stay in one place for so long, so they kissed Evangeline again, each of them, and Esther and Elodie took them off to play outside and give Amiel a little break – and some time with Evangeline. Ixchel and Judith stayed, and Amiel had her turn gathering Evangeline close and holding her, kissing as they liked, while Aziraphale gently herded Crowley to the bath, her body – and her heart – in need of easing.

She drew a deep, hot bath, considered it, and started stripping off herself. Crowley was slower at undressing, tired after her night sleeping on a clinic bed and worrying so after her beloved, so Aziraphale helped her with the last bits, including her prosthetic.

“You are taking a nap after this,” she threatened, and Crowley smiled.

“Not arguing. Borrow your crutches?”

Aziraphale hardly needed them at all anymore, only maybe one to help during the wettest, coldest days, but she kept a pair of her crutches handy, just in case. It was easy to fetch them for Crowley and she did just then, just to make sure they were close by. They were nearly of a height, so no adjusting was needed, at least.

She got her Crowley into the bath and climbed in with her,settling so that Crowley lay between her legs, back to Aziraphale's chest, and Aziraphale could massage her shoulders while the heat of the bath, and the fragrant oils she's put in, went to work.

“There we go,” she murmured. “You've been so good, so amazing, Crowley. Everyone's home now, safe and sound.”

Crowley smiled. “I'll be all right with a nap. Not like last time.”

Aziraphale laughed softly. “Judith said about the same thing. We've been through so much harder, my darling. We'll have to take care of our Evvie, and love her and comfort her a lot, but we've been through worse.”

Crowley smiled and touched Azirpahale's hip, the scar that was there, and relaxed a little more. “It's pretty bad. But it'll heal. She'll have scars.”

“Poor love, sometimes that's hard,” Aziraphale said, speaking from experience. “How is she, really?”

“Heavily medicated.” Crowley sighed, and took Aziraphale's arms and wrapped them around her, clearly requesting a hug. “It was really hard, Azi. She was in so much pain, they wound up giving her morphine. She's got some pretty strong drugs now – antibiotics, and painkillers and the like. I saw her arm, it doesn't look great, but there's still, um. Skin there. Like, think of a really bad burn, just...bigger.”

Aziraphale hugged her tightly, and kissed what might have been a tear. “Shhh, shh. Don't think of it, my love. Judith knows what to do, and she can teach me too, I have a strong stomach. You only need to love her, that's all you need to do, my sensitive Crowley.”

Crowley sniffled, and turned around, burying her face in Aziraphale's shoulder. “What would I do without all of you?”

“Be utterly useless,” Aziraphale said in her tenderest voice, and she smiled when Crowley laughed out loud. “No, of course not. But you never have to wonder, because we're all here, forever. Oh, my love. Come on, I'm going to scrub you down and then it's nap time.”

“I'll feel better after I sleep,” Crowley admitted, and then submitted herself to a proper scrub from Aziraphale, from the tips of her toes (just five, very efficient to clean and Aziraphale complimented her on that, teasing madly) to the top of her head, her face washed with ruthless efficiency and the same skill that Aziraphale used on Star. Crowley wiggled about as much too, she informed her moiety leader, who was laughing easily now.

She got Crowley up and onto crutches, and both of them into dressing gowns, and they met Ixchel in the main room.

“It's nap time,” Aziraphale informed her. “Join us?”

“Oh, yes, please! Amiel's with Evvie, of course,” Ixchel assured them. “And the bigger kids are in and out; Esther's going to throw together supper for us, bless her.”

“God, an angel,” Aziraphale said. “How'd we raise kids so much better than us?”

“A question I've been asking myself for eighteen years now,” Crowley agreed, and her little retinue escorted her to her bedroom, quiet and comfortable and well-lived-in, the bedclothes still ruffled.

Aziraphale didn't mean to fall asleep; she'd slept the night before in her own bed. Worried, of course, terribly worried, and Amiel had been cuddled up with her, but she hadn't thought she was sleepy. But the pull of the big comforter, and the warmth of her and Ixchel holding a sleepy Crowley between them, and Ixchel kissing them both, caressing Aziraphale's cheek and the warmth of the bath, and soon she was fast asleep, deep and comforting and healing.

It was two days after Evangeline had got home, and she was resting bed when Aziraphale called softly in front of her curtained doorway, and was invited in.

“Hello you,” she said warmly. “Ixy made doughnuts, want some?”

Evangeline's face lit up. “Please!” She laughed. “I can't believe you all are still spoiling me, there's absolutely no need for me to stay abed, but I'm not going to argue.”

“Good, we'd argue back, and win.” Aziraphale tapped her nose, set the plate of apple cider doughnuts in Evangeline's lap, and climbed into bed beside her. Evangeline's arm was still bandaged and she still used the sling, but she didn't need naps every day anymore, and the last time Aziraphale had changed the dressings, things were definitely healing.

They sat shoulder to shoulder, munching happily until the plate was empty and Aziraphale set it aside, the better to cuddle Evangeline close. She'd taken on the bulk of the work around the house, and hadn't got much quiet time in with her love, and aimed to make up for that.

“You've been a star,” Evangeline said, as soon as they were settled, which meant Aziraphale unbuttoning her dress and Evangeline resting her head on her generous bosom, fingertips brushing the lace of her bra.

“Well, of course. Fair's fair – you kept the whole place running when I couldn't do much of anything for months,” Aziraphale pointed out, and kissed her. “And anyway, I like knowing that you don't have to worry about anything. I even did the month's accounts this morning.”

Evangeline smiled, easing even more. “I ought to protest and try to make myself useful, but I just can't.”

“You ought to lie there and rest and do whatever you like,” Aziraphale said. “Or are you capitalist now?”

Evangeline laughed out loud. “Fine, you win.” She sighed, and closed her eyes, nuzzling closer. “Azi, it was really scary.”

“I know, my love,” Aziraphale said softly. “I was so frightened. You're safe now, though.”

Evangeline nodded. “I don't like being hurt. I mean, I don't...like being the pampered one. I like being cuddled and kissed a lot and...ugh, I'm saying this all so badly, and I sound ungrateful.”

“You're not, and you don't,” Aziraphale assured her. “One, we can't all be pillow princesses and that's my job.” She paused to let Evangeline giggle. “Two, it's all right. You get joy from doing. That's not a sin, my love. I miss you in the kitchen, and the office. Much more than I expected to.” She rubbed Evangeline's back, and smoothed her hand over her love's good arm, lacing their fingers together. “You know, it's all right to just be bloody miserable while you heal.”

Evangeline was quiet for a moment. “...Shit, you're right.”

Aziraphale laughed. “I'm the biggest pillow princess anyone's ever met, and I had carte blanche to lie abed and not lift a finger for months, and I still got you to give me things to do! And you don't even get off on being helpless, or lazy, or helpless and lazy.”

“You weren't – aren't – lazy, angel,” Evangeline said absently, clearly taking this all in. “You almost died, one needs a nap after that.”

Aziraphale burst out laughing, and kept laughing even as Evangeline kissed her firmly. “Well, fair. See, my love? You can rest a little bit, and then in a day or two we'll find easy things for you to do. And your arm will heal fast.”

Evangeline smiled, and pressed a kiss to Aziraphale's cleavage. “I love you. Can you stay awhile?”

“As long as you like,” Aziraphale promised softly. “I need my Evvie time. It's vital, actually.”

Evangeline giggled softly, and just curled up in her arms, and they stayed like that for a long time, each of them the other's whole world, for a bit.

#whumptober2021 #good omens

[your-kpopmama]

Happy Valentine’s Day, Kiss My Ass!!

Words: 5,390 Drama, slight angst, a good ending A/N: it’s me! back again with a holiday special. 

If you asked anyone to describe Jeon Jungkook in one word, it would always be “loyal”.  He was loyal to his friends, his family, and most especially his girlfriend of 7 years, Elodie. Jungkook had met Elodie on a trip with his family when he was 18. Both of their families had seemingly booked the same tour package of Paris. So for a week straight, Elodie and Jungkook were quite literally inseparable.

Both being freshly 18, they had quite a lot in common, even if Jungkook’s english wasn’t amazing. They still managed to communicate and enjoy each other’s company while their parents enjoyed the wine at every destination.

Somewhere between The Louvre and Versailles, they found an indescribable attraction.

Now, most would say distance would ruin a friendship or relationship, considering Jungkook lived in Busan, South Korea and Elodie lived in some midwestern town in Michigan whose claim to fame was the worlds largest Cherry Pie. However, both of them being determined to form a friendship, made it seem as easy as that cherry pie her hometown was known for.

It didn’t take more than a year for them to realize they both wanted more than friendship, thus they began their journey of a life together. There were many flights between the two, Michigan to Seoul; Seoul to Michigan. Late night phone calls from someone just waking up. Conflicting schedules and many times where they wondered if it would work.

It only took Elodie two years to decide she couldn’t handle the distance. So she packed her life up, said goodbye to the folks, and moved clear across the world to be with the love of her life. Unbeknownst to him, since he had just entered his military service to get it out of the way. With the help of his parents, Elodie found a nice apartment not far from their house.

When Jungkook was discharged, the first face he saw upon leaving was hers. The love that surged through him struck him almost breathless. He loved her with his whole being.

It took one year for them to officially move in together once Jungkook finished school.

One more year before Jungkook popped the big question during the Jinju Lantern Festival that Elodie had begged him to take her to. Of course, Elodie said yes.

Six more months to plan a move to Seoul for a job that Elodie had gotten at an entertainment company as a translator - Jungkook was the best teacher.

And one more year for Elodie to gain some of her closest friends and Jungkook to score his dream job as a physical therapist.

It’s obvious to anyone that Jungkook is loyal.

—————————

“Elodie!” A shout from across the cafeteria pulled Elodie’s attention from the book in her hand to the small blonde boy bounding towards her with a tall red headed woman in tow.

“Jimin! Lani!” Elodie greeted, marking her page before setting her book aside.

Jimin and Lani were two of the people closest to Elodie at work, and two of her very good friends. They had taken Elodie under their wings so to say when she arrived at Big Hit. Jimin and Lani worked as stylists but were on the same team for a boy group called Wild, that had just debuted when she started. Jimin had already been there for two years and Lani was finishing up her first year. If it weren’t for those two, Elodie was almost certain she wouldn’t have survived the hectic schedules.

Jimin sat across from Elodie as Lani took the spot beside her closest friend. “Today has been crazy!” Jimin whined, reaching for Elodie’s untouched coffee.

“Tell me about it, Wild is getting a bit...wild these days. It’s hard to keep up with them in interviews.” Elodie laughed, pushing the cup into Jimin’s searching hand.

“Girl, do not get me started!” Lani chimed in, shaking her head, “if I get one more fan complaint about them all wearing the same clothes I may scream. I can’t just go to the dorms everyday and dress them.” She scoffed and reached for the cup too, “they act like don’t own a thousand and a half outfits.” She finished.

“I wonder where they get it from.” Jimin mused, reaching once again for the now community cup of coffee the three of them were sharing.

Elodie had to suppress a laugh because she knew exactly where they got their bad habit from. The three of them often shared food, drinks, and Jimin and Elodie shared clothes here and there when they were out on long schedules.

That was always something that amused Jungkook to no end, Elodie coming home in a borrowed shirt or pants from Jimin if there were unforeseen circumstances at work. The most recent one being Daniel and Hyun were arguing over who got the last strawberry milk and when Elodie stepped in to hand them one she had found in the cooler, Hyun had swung his arms out and slapped the open milk container and covered her from head to toe in the pink milk. A story Jungkook spent half an hour laughing about as he helped Elodie clean the dry milk from her hair.

Lani’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out with a groan, “what did those troublemakers do now?” She said mostly to herself. Her expression changed from annoyed to something Elodie couldn’t quite place. “Ah, I have to take this call.” She said and got up and all but ran from the table.

“Geez, what’s her problem these days?” Jimin huffed, his attention now on the half eaten cinnamon roll in front of Elodie.

Elodie shrugged and pushed the plate to Jimin, offering him the rest of the delicious pastry. “Who knows. I think she might be seeing someone. I caught her talking in the women’s room the other day and she got all flustered and ran from the room.” Elodie wasn’t one to gossip, but whoever has the red heads attention, has to be one hell of a guy and Elodie was curious.

Jimin frowned into the cinnamon roll and didn’t speak anymore until their allotted lunch hour was over.

Elodie made a note that she hadn’t seen Lani for the rest of the day.

—————————

If you asked anyone, they would tell you Jungkook would go to the moon and back for his fiancée.

So on this particular afternoon, when Elodie was running late because of a translation mishap with Wild, she had to call her fiancé for a favor. Nothing major, something seemingly harmless.

“Hello?” Elodie spoke into the phone when she heard someone pick up. A beat passed before Jungkook’s voice rang through.

“Elodie? What’s up? Aren’t you at work?” His voice sounded worried.

“Yeah, I have a quick favor. And before you say no, please just hear me out.” She rushed.

Jungkook urged her to continue, “can you pick Lani up from the train station for me? I’m gonna be running behind and I told her I would pick her up when she got back.” The other end of the phone was silent until Jungkook drew in a breath.

“Yeah. Yeah, I can pick her up.” He agreed easily than Elodie had planned.

“I know you two don’t get along very well, but I can’t get out of work. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t have to.” Elodie murmured.

“Love, it’s okay. I don’t mind. I had to head that way anyway for a few errands so I don’t mind since it’s for you.” He said sweetly.

Elodie felt her love for Jungkook grow a little bigger as they said their goodbyes and she got back to work.

“You’re awfully brave.” a voice called from behind her.

Elodie turned her head and saw the oldest member of Wild standing in the doorway. “Thank you, Wooyoung. I think?” Elodie seemed unsure of how she was to take that statement.

Crossing the floor and plopping down on the overstuffed chair next to Elodie’s, Wooyoung watched her for a moment before speaking up again, “Do you really trust Lani with your fiancée?” He questioned.

Elodie’s head snapped in his direction and started laughing, “Wooyoung! Of course I do. She’s my best friend and Jungkook is my fiancé. Why wouldn’t I trust them?” She thought the idea was absolutely ridiculous that she wouldn’t.

“I’ve seen a lot of unloyal dogs in my day, even the most loyal can change if a nice pair of tits walk by.” Wooyoung explained, dead serious.

“Who has nice tits?” Jimin called walking into the room with Hyun and Daniel behind him.

Elodie caught the three up on the short conversation between her and Wooyoung. “He’s not wrong, Miss Elodie.” Daniel chimed in. “Men are dogs.”

Elodie exchanged a look with Jimin before the two burst out laughing, “honestly, where do you boys come up with this stuff?” Elodie questioned.

“Don’t say we didn’t warn you.” Hyun said before heading out with the rest of the boys, leaving Jimin alone with Elodie. The two sat in a thoughtful silence for a while as Elodie went over the notes she had on the last interview with the boys to figure out what she had messed up.

“How long have you and Jungkook been together?” Jimin asked.

“Seven years or so,” Elodie answered absentmindedly, her eyes staying on the paper.

She didn’t see the pained look Jimin had on his face, mixed with guilt.

————————————

Elodie and Lani’s friendship didn’t start out easy. Granted even if Lani had been the one to show Elodie the ropes, they had conflicting personalities and interests. Elodie was quiet and soft spoken and enjoyed reading and coffee. Lani was loud and outgoing and enjoyed drinking on weeknights and hooking up with anyone who caught her eye.

Of course, Elodie had been jealous of Lani at first, wishing she had the body or the confidence the red head had to live life to the max. But it had also been Lani who told her that even Elodie’s way of living was living brightly. There was no wrong way to live your life as long as you were doing what you enjoyed.

So when Elodie had brought Lani home to meet Jungkook, she was shocked that the two didn’t get along at all. Jungkook was the first to outright say it, that Lani wasn’t a good person. No explanation. And Lani had glared daggers at Jungkook all night. No explanation.

Elodie felt torn because she didn’t want to be in a position where she had to pick, because at the end of the day it would always be Jungkook; and the two knew that. Quietly accepting her defeat, Lani had told Elodie that she would never force her into a situation where she would have to tell Lani to hit the road. The only thing Jungkook and Lani could agree upon was that they would put up with one another, for Elodie’s sake.

Now, Elodie gazed at her reflection in the bathroom mirror of her apartment. Her black hair hung straight over her shoulders, and her once vibrant green eyes seemed dull in the soft yellow lighting of the tiny room. Her cheeks were smaller than they had been just six months ago, and her skin seemed paler than usual. One thing she knew for sure was that she needed some sleep. She would worry about her beauty later.

Returning to the living room she found Jungkook and Lani in an intense discussion over the coffee table where Elodie had left them. Upon hearing her return the two sat back and easy smiles replaced the tense looks that they sported moments ago.

“Everything okay?” Elodie asked cautiously while returning to her seat next to Jungkook.

“Peachy.” her fiancé gritted between his teeth.

Lani gave Elodie a sad smile and went back to picking at her slice of pizza.

Elodie knew everything wasn’t peachy.

————————————

If you were to ask anyone to describe Elodie, you would get several answers. Answers that ranged from “sweet” to “caring” all the way to “saintly”. Elodie had a big heart, and an even bigger heart for those she held most dear.

Lani and Jimin trailed behind Elodie as she browsed the racks of clothes in the department store. One of them offering fashion advice here or there in her endeavor to pick out the perfect gift for Jungkook for Valentine’s Day.

He had basically everything he could ever want, but Elodie still wanted to get him something nice; something special. Jimin had advised getting him a fancy new coat. Lani had suggested getting something more spicy for the bedroom. Both were good ideas, and Elodie was currently shopping for them.

Since she was too embarrassed to shop for the “something spicy” with her friends, she asked if they would tag along and help her pick out the coat.

“Does he truly deserve this though?” Jimin said out of the blue, his brown eyes never leaving the rack of coats he was currently picking through.

“What do you mean?”, Elodie laughed, “of course he does. He’s been so solid through this last six months in my hectic schedule. He’s been practically a saint.”

“A saint is what I would call you, Elodie, not your fiancé.” Jimin grumbled.

Lani elbowed him in the side and gave him a look Elodie couldn’t quite place. Jimin looked at her and spoke a mumbled apology before moving onto the next rack.

“Pay him no attention, girl. He’s just a little pent up.” Lani giggled into Elodie’s ear. “Oh! What about this one?” Lani picked up a long wool coat. It was black and had gold buttons down the front and at the cuffs of the sleeves. It wasn’t flashy but by no means was it plain; it was exactly Jungkook’s style.

“God! That would be perfect!” Elodie grabbed the coat and held it up to look at it closer, marveling at the quality. She knew she had to get it.

Lani tried to hide the proud smile behind her hand, but Jimin saw it and she rushed to Elodie’s side and out of Jimin’s eyesight.

————————————

If you asked anyone he worked with, they would say Jimin was hopelessly in love with Elodie. Everyone knew it. Except Elodie.

She was too wrapped up in her loving and loyal fiancé to notice the longing stares of one Park Jimin. He wasn’t shy about his distaste for Jungkook and he definitely wasn’t shy to show his feelings for Elodie, but he would never outright say it. See, Jimin had fallen for Elodie when she started at the company; love at first sight. Ever since then he made it his goal to bend over backwards for the petite girl.

When he found out she was engaged, it may have caused a falter in his step on his quest to make his way into her heart; but by no means did it stop him. He wasn’t pushy. He didn’t overstep boundaries. And he definitely didn’t make anything awkward. But he did make it a point to always be there when Elodie needed someone to talk to.

His love for her however, has caused him great misfortune. A while back, Jimin saw something he shouldn’t have seen. God, why did it have to be him? Why did he have to be the one to see it? He had information that could seal the deal and be in Elodie’s heart - but that information was a double edged sword. It could bring him and Elodie closer, or it could put her farther away.

Jimin was selfish, and he knew that. So for now, he sat with this information. Whether or not he chooses to use it has remained to be seen.

————————————

Elodie was busy at work as usual. Her phone constantly going off as she answered calls in regards to certain interviews Wild had lined up. She hadn’t been able to go home in almost 48 hours, and it was starting to get to her.

Despite the crazy schedule happening, she kept note of how many times Lani would sneak off with her own phone, a smirk plastered to her face, to return ten minutes later looking a little dazed. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Jimin either.

A deep frown was set into his features when Lani came back to the dressing room after twenty-two minutes (Jimin had timed it). “Jesus, Lani. Get it together will you? We have fifteen minutes before the boys go live and you’ve hardly been present! Get their outfits and help them dress.” Jimin barked at her, pausing his movements so he didn’t burn Wooyoung with the flat iron.

Lani’s head snapped in his direction, a retort on the tip of her tongue before she decided better of it. Elodie watched as she sat her phone on the vanity and disappeared in the racks of clothes, angrily picking out the appropriate outfits.

Elodie tried to help Jimin as best as she could, but the most she was qualified for was adding a light gloss to the boys’ lips.

Lani handed each boy their clothes and dressed them quickly before they were called to the stage for the interview. Everyone filed from the room and made a beeline to be on standby.

“Shoot! I forgot the mics! I’ll be quick!” Elodie shouted, waving down Jimin who gave a thumbs up and hurried off the everyone else.

Elodie made her way through the dressing room until she found the box she was looking for. Lani’s phone was ringing and Elodie glanced at it. “My Baby🥵💋” flashed across the screen.

Without thinking, she answered the phone, “hello?”

“Baby girl, you’ve kept me waiting too long.” A voice rang through.

Elodie’s heart dropped to her stomach, “what?” She breathed out.

“Come over after work tomorrow. Elodie won’t be here, she’s working over time.  We can spend our first Valentine’s Day together.”

That was Jungkook. No doubt about it. Panicked, Elodie tried to disguise her voice as best as possible, “Sorry, Lani is busy. She left her phone.”

“Oh?! Oh, god. I’m sorry.” Jungkook hurried and hung up. Elodie stood still for a few seconds, her head reeling and her heart pounding.

“Elodie? Hey, are you okay?” Jimin ran through the room to Elodie’s side. He glanced at her hand and saw Lani’s phone and the grief and confusion on her face.

Jimin knew that Elodie had probably figured it out, but now was not the time to touch base on it. They had work to do.

Gently prying the phone from her hands and guiding her to the stage, Jimin sent up a silent prayer that she would never know that he knew.

————————————

Elodie’s next three hours flashed by in a mere second. She couldn’t concentrate on the interview and Jimin had to save her a couple of times in her headset to keep her focused. Her mind never wavering from the phone call.

Her eyes never leaving an anxious looking Lani, who kept checking the time on her wrist watch and visibly getting more agitated as the interviews went on.

When they barely managed to finish, Elodie dropped all of her things into Jimin’s arms and took off for the dressing room. Quickly gathering her purse and coat, she made haste to get home. A quick phone call to her boss asking for tomorrow off since she wasn’t “feeling well” and a shabby plan in place, Elodie headed into her apartment.

“Baby, is that you?” Jungkook called from the bedroom.

“Who else would it be?” Elodie snapped back. Ten seconds passed before Jungkook poked his head out from the bedroom doorway, confusion written on his face.

“You okay?”

Elodie couldn’t help but think that his concern was fake, but a part of her still believed that he would never do something as heinous as she thought he was doing even if the evidence so far said so.

“Peachy.” She kicked off her shoes and made a beeline for the bathroom. Running a steaming bath she allowed herself to emerge herself into the water, letting her body relax.

She laid there for several minutes before the sound of the doorbell chiming broke her from her thoughts. Listening she could hear Jungkook talking to someone in a rushed tone. Curious she got out and grabbed a towel, wrapping it tightly around herself and walked into the hallway.

At the front door was Lani, looking at Jungkook like he was something to be eaten. Elodie felt anger surge through her body. Holding her head high, she walked behind Jungkook.

Lani noticed her presence first, her sultry stare turning into shock and then to fear. Jungkook turned around and saw Elodie standing there with a puzzled look on her face. “Jungkook, I’ve been waiting for you forever in the shower.” Elodie said sweetly.

“O-oh? Oh! I’m sorry. The doorbell...” he trailed off unsure of how to reply.

“Lani? Is everything okay? Did I leave something at work?” She feigned ignorance.

“Uh, yeah! Actually. But I was just telling Jungkook that I forgot it with my stuff and just remembered when I got here. I’m so sorry to disturb you guys. I know  you haven’t been home in over two days and probably want some alone time with Kook.” Lani sheepishly said.

Kook.

She called him Kook.

“What was it?” Elodie pressed.

“Hm?” Lani asked.

“What was it that I left at work?”

Lani’s cheeks turned bright red and had the decency to looked ashamed, “a-anyway look I need to go. You guys enjoy each other tonight.” just as quickly as she showed up, she was gone.

Elodie watched Jungkook close the door in silence, marveling at the boldness of her best friend. Showing up here while Elodie was home to try and flirt with her fiancé. Jungkook’s eyes met hers and guilt was laid in them so deep, Elodie felt herself drowning in it.

Without another word, Elodie returned to her bath.

————————————

Elodie didn’t like to lie, she didn’t like to create a fuss. She liked to be straightforward and get problems out of the way. In this situation however, she felt she had no other choice but to lie. She still couldn’t believe the facts that were laid out in front of her, so she devised a plan to make sure once and for all.

She left for “work” at her normal time and headed to the cafe a few shops down from her and Jungkook’s apartment. It gave her the perfect view of the entrance so she could keep watch for Lani.

What she hadn’t anticipated was the long wait time. She entered the cafe at 8:15 AM and it was now nearing 11:54AM. She didn’t know how much longer she could wait it out or if she even had to wait. She was starting to feel ridiculous.

Another twenty minutes of waiting produced something interesting, Jimin had stepped into the cafe. He didn’t spot her at first as he made his way toward the counter, but it was peculiar to Elodie that he was here; this cafe was on the other side of town from his apartment.

Elodie watched him and waited for him to turn around and she waved him down. To say the least, the shock on his face was genuine. Their eyes held each other’s gaze for a solid five seconds before a smile dropped onto his lips and he made his way to Elodie’s table.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Elodie stated, taking a long sip of her boba.

“I was in the neighborhood.” Jimin said cautiously.

Silence hung between them like a thick curtain, both lost in their own thoughts. Jimin broke the silence first. “Listen, Elodie. I have something to confess.”

Her eyes met his and she gave a slight nod to continue. “I’ve been keeping a secret from you. It pains me to say that, please believe me, considering what the secret entails.” He took a long pause to gather his thoughts and Elodie waited for him patiently, still keeping an eye on the front entrance of her apartment building.

“I actually came here today to work up the courage to tell you what I’m about to say. I wasn’t in the neighborhood.” He confessed.

“I figured that much out so far..” Elodie mumbled.

Jimin huffed a sigh and steeled his nerves, “I caught Lani and -“

Before Jimin could finish, Elodie caught the red hair of the current topic heading for the front doors of the apartment building across the street. Her heart hammered in her chest and she felt her stomach recoil. “Sorry, Jimin, I have to go.” she rushed the words from her mouth as she took off out of the cafe.

Jimin watched her run down the sidewalk and disappear into her building. “Oh, for fucks sake.” He whispered and took off after her.

————————————

Elodie wasn’t sure what she was going to walk into. She was hoping Lani just magically had a friend in this same building, on the same floor as her and Jungkook. But as she looked at what floor the elevator had stopped on, she couldn’t convince herself of anything anymore.

Slamming her hand onto the call button, she began to panic. Her breathing became erratic, and her vision slightly blurry. Once the doors opened she stumbled in and hit the button she needed and leaned against the wall trying to catch her breath.

“Elodie!”

Elodie’s head snapped up and saw Jimin rushing towards her. She pressed herself further into the wall as he came crashing into the elevator as the doors were closing.

“Jimin? What the hell?” She felt all the air leave her lungs in shock.

“Elodie, please do not go upstairs. I am begging you.” Jimin gathered her own shaking hands into his, holding tightly and pleading with his eyes.

“No, I have to.” She reasoned.

Jimin shook his head and groaned in frustration, “Elodie we both know what’s waiting up there.”

It was then she realized what Jimin had to confess to her earlier. He knew about Lani and Jungkook. But for how long? How long had he known? Surely just as recent as her, because Jimin would have told her. He’s a good friend.

So was Lani.

Elodie pulled her hands from his and stood up tall, throwing up her guard. “We can discuss how you knew and when you found out later, but right now I need to confirm it with my own two eyes. So if you are here to warn Lani or stop me, then please do not get off this elevator once it stops.”

Jimin’s hands fell to his side and nodded in compliance. He had to make this up to her somehow, and he would start by doing as she said.

The bell dinged signifying they arrived. Elodie gave Jimin an odd look before walking off the elevator. He followed behind her silently and prayed Lani had enough sense to not make this difficult.

————————————

The loud moans and the soft grunting beyond her bedroom door clued Elodie in quickly to her worst nightmare. Lani’s shoes by the front door and their clothes dropped precariously throughout the house just set her sense of dread deeper into her chest. Jimin had decided to stay in the living room at her request, but she wondered if she should have kept him by her side for support.

Her hand lay gently on the door handle, pausing quickly before pushing it down and sliding the door open to a dimly lit room. Her presence wasn’t yet discovered, luckily for her.

Elodie’s heart thrummed inside her ribcage, her stomach dropped and her knees felt weak - her head remained clear. Out of the corner of her eye she caught the jacket she bought for Jungkook laid sloppily on the floor amongst the wrapping paper it was in.

“Ah, Kook! That feels so fucking good!” Lani’s shrill moans brought Elodie’s attention back to them. Before she could even make a coherent thought she spoke,

“Oh yeah, Lani? Does it feel good? Does my fiancé MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD?!” Her hand flew to the wall to slap the light switch, illuminating the room.

Jungkook’s head whipped around so fast Elodie was sure it would snap. Shock and horror reflected on Lani and Jungkook’s faces as they scrambled to move away from each other.

“Babe..” Jungkook choked out, stumbling towards Elodie’s stilled body.

Ignoring Jungkook entirely, she made her way to the bed where Lani sat covered in the sheets. Ripping them off and tossing them to the floor, Elodie pointed her finger to the bedroom door, “Get the fuck out, bitch.”

Lani’s jaw dropped and Elodie screamed, “NOW!” and sent her into motion. She ran from the room and Elodie could hear the surprise from her when she saw Jimin in the living room - she would deal with that later.

“Get some fucking clothes on.” She spat at Jungkook and walked into the living room to see Lani struggling to get dressed. “Don’t even think of trying to leave when you finish.”

Lani slipped her dress on and sat meekly on the couch next to Jimin, both wearing guilty faces. When Jungkook finally emerged from the bedroom, she nodded at the space beside Lani and he sat down quickly.

Elodie just stood in the middle of the living room trying to collect her thoughts. Jungkook started to speak and she snapped, “Shut the fuck up, Jeon Jungkook.” she seethed, “are you three having fun? Huh? Is it fun for you to do shady shit behind my back and think I would never find out? HUH?!”

Three pairs of eyes were on her and she felt like suffocating, “Lani, I never want to see you again.” She continued.

“Jimin, I need to know how long you have known.” She pressed, her eyes boring into his.

“Four months.” He answered honestly. “I wanted to tell you, Elodie, I-“

“Then you should have.” She said bluntly. “And you, of all fucking people, Jungkook.”

He had the decency to look ashamed, and had the smarts to keep his mouth shut. “I want all of you out. Get the hell out of my apartment and the hell out of my life.”

Jimin and Lani didn’t need to be told twice, the two jumped up and ran towards the door, but Jungkook remained seated. “This is my apartment too, Elodie.” He mumbled.

“Fine, then I will leave.” She decided, but Jungkook grabbed her wrist to stop her.

“Can we please talk this out? I’m so sorry, Elodie. Please let me make this up to you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“When did you stop loving me? Hm? Before or after you started fucking my best friend?” She questioned.

“I still love you, with all of my heart. Baby please understand that.” his desperate pleas had no effect on Elodie, “it’s Valentine’s Day.” He whined.

“Oh! Oh my god you’re right!” Elodie gently smacked her forehead in feign shock, “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” Jungkook grinned up at her, “kiss my ass!”

Elodie pulled loose from his grip and strode towards the front door, Jungkook shouting after her. Ignoring him she stepped out into the hall and slammed the door.

Breaking into tears, she leaned against the front door letting them fall down her face. “Elodie?”

Jimin walked slowly towards her, looking defeated, “I know you don’t want to ever see me or Lani again, but I just wanted to let you know we both called the agency and requested transfers. You shouldn’t have to quit your job or move on from the boys, you have done so much for them and they would be more said if you left than us.”

Elodie nodded gently and stood up straight, “Thank you, Jimin. And you are right, I don’t think I can ever be friends with you or Lani again, but I do hope you both find success and happiness.”

Jimin felt his heart clench at her words as they both headed towards the elevator. They rode down in silence and went different directions once outside.

“I’m strong. I can do this.” Elodie whispered to herself. And she was - and she could.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook #park jimin #jimin #bts #bts au #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts valentines day #valentines day fic #original character fic #angst #drama #angst fic #drama fic #holiday fic

[cakesunflower]

No Need Convincing Me [Tattoo Artist!Calum AU] Part 4

Summary: Elodie Banks hadn’t expected to get so caught up in her best friend’s tattoo artist. But all it took was one meeting with Calum Hood for Elodie to feel herself drawing towards him and the ink on his skin. Maybe once she was rid of a miserable relationship and the insecurities that came with it, she’d allow herself to realize that Calum was just as wrapped up in her.

A/N: a part of this chapter is pretty self indulgent, if i do say so myself. y’all will know why while reading---keep in mind that i work at Calvin Klein hehe

All Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5 | Part 6

Part 4

“The house feels so empty without you.”

Elodie let out a light laugh at her mother’s words, looking up from her chicken alfredo. When her mom called her up and asked to meet up for lunch, Elodie was more than happy to join her. It had been almost a week since she moved out of her home and into Dominique’s—their, as her best friend corrected—apartment and as someone who had spent her entire life living with her parents, it was something to adjust to. But Elodie would be lying if she said she wasn’t already enjoying living with Dominique.

“You’ll adjust,” Elodie told her as she picked up her glass, sipping at the red wine as her mom let out a scoff.

“A mother never gets used to not being around her child,” her mom said matter-of-factly, though a gentle smile slipped onto her lips. Elodie was an exact copy of her mother’s; from the honey colored hair and button nose and always smiling lips. The only difference between them were her mom’s dark blue eyes, Elodie’s own brown she inherited from her father. In this moment, Mrs. Banks’ eyes were taking in the sight of her daughter, watching her, observing her, before she let out a breath. “But you do seem happy. More so than I’ve seen you in a long time.” With a raise of an eyebrow, she inquired, “Is it because you’re not under our roof or does this have something to do with the end of your relationship with Nathan?”

Despite the fact that her parents were close friends with Nathan’s, Elodie didn’t feel the need to hide the contentment from not being with him from her mom. But that didn’t mean she didn’t feel nervous confiding in her mom about feeling as though she was finally free from being wrapped in Nathan’s unyielding grip. Sugar coating the details would be the way to go in this situation.

“A little bit,” Elodie conceded, licking her lips and tasting the wine. At her mom’s encouraging raise of eyebrows, Elodie continued with a sigh, “I know you love Nathan but I just. . . I couldn’t breathe when I was with him. And I know that probably sounds dramatic, but—”

“It doesn’t sound dramatic, honey,” her mom cut in with a shake of her head and frown knitting together her eyebrows. She folded her arms on the table, the single diamond pendant she loved wearing glinting against her neck. “If I’m being honest, I had a feeling you weren’t too happy with Nathan. You looked. . . Free in London and when we got back you just looked deflated.”

A wry smile quirked at Elodie’s lips. “Like a balloon?” she joked, her mom scoffing out a laugh. Honestly. Nathan just popping her like a balloon wasn’t a far off comparison.

“I hope you don’t feel guilty for breaking up with Nathan,” Mrs. Banks said, raising her eyebrows as a way of trying to get her own thoughts across. “If you weren’t happy with him, then ending that relationship was the best thing for you. I don’t love Nathan nearly as much as I love you. As long as you’re happy, that’s all I care about.”

Elodie had no idea how much she needed to hear that. Sure, her mom didn’t truly know the extent of terrible things Elodie had to listen to that Nathan would throw her way, but Elodie didn’t see any point in divulging that information. It was over. It was done. Elodie had a feeling if she told her mom about it, then she would either confront Nathan or his parents about it, maybe both, or tell Elodie that it happened in the past and there was no point in bringing it up now. Elodie couldn’t be quite sure what the reaction would be to the truth, and she wasn’t entirely sure which would be worse.

Her grip on the fork tightened. She kind of hated that she second guessed everything because of Nathan.

As she and her mother waited for the waiter to bring by the check, Elodie’s phone buzzed with the text, and she fought the smile from tilting at her lips when she saw Calum’s name.

Calum 2:03PM

Just a heads up—I might kill Dom for inviting me to this thing her parents are throwing.

—

Elodie 2:03PM

Do you at least have a reason for your murderous intent?

—

Calum 2:04PM

Dunno who she thinks she is assuming I’ve got any suit other than my Halloween one lying around. And I hate the mall.

—

Elodie 2:05PM

You just need a good guide. I’m more than happy to offer my services :-)

—

Calum 2:05PM

Where are you? I’ll pick you up.

After her mom slid into the back of her car and left with a hug and a kiss to Elodie, she walked over to where her own car was parked and waved her hand at Flynn, her driver, to keep him from getting out of the car. He shot her a quizzical look as she got to the driver’s side and he lowered the window. “All good, Ms. Banks?”

“Yeah,” Elodie nodded, hugging her denim jacket closer to her body. It was particularly chilly today. “I have a friend coming to pick me up, so you don’t have to stick around. I’m good for the day.”

Flynn nodded, offering her a kind smile. “Whatever you say, Ms. Banks. Have a good day—call if your plans change.”

She waved him off, watching as the town car drove off, and Elodie stepped back towards the restaurant and leaned against the wall as she waited for Calum to arrive. Arms crossed over her chest, Elodie let out a breath as she watched the cars drive by in the seat in front of her. Her cheeks felt warm, the glass of wine she had with her lunch being the cause of it, but the flips of her stomach definitely were because of the fact that she was about to hang out with Calum—go shopping with him. Elodie would be embarrassed by her bold behavior of inviting herself along if it weren’t for Calum instantly telling her he’d pick her up.

Elodie found herself thanking Dominique’s parents for throwing whatever gala they were hosting—at this point, Elodie just went to these parties without much thought over what they were for. And she was also grateful for Dominique inviting Calum and everyone else. Elodie couldn’t help but think it would be refreshing to have them there among the usual faces she saw at these kinds of events.

She pushed aside the thought of Nathan being in attendance.

And it wasn’t hard, when a black Range Rover pulled up in front of her, her heart jumping at Calum holding his hand up in a greeting wave from the driver’s seat. She took a breath as she walked around towards the passenger door, feeling her smile return when Calum leaned over to the center console to open the door for her, the gesture a bit too sweet for her to handle.

“I appreciate you helpin’ out a lost cause,” Calum chuckled as Elodie settled, strapping in her seatbelt as Calum began driving once more. The car smelt like the citrus freshener dangling from the rearview mirror alongside an Evil Eye pendant, as well as the ever so familiar scent of Calum’s cologne.

Elodie shot him a quick smile, trying not to focus too hard on the leather jacket and black cargo pants he somehow made work. “No, I’m more than happy to,” she told him, leaning back into the seat as her gaze dropped for a moment, eyebrows raising at the familiar small box sitting in the small compartment under the stereo system. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

She noted Calum glance at her before looking down at the package and then returning his gaze out to the road. “Only when I’m stressed,” he told her as the song playing through the car changed into one by Coldplay. Elodie had a feeling the playlist in the tattoo shop was one of Calum’s making. She wondered if she imagined a nervous tinge creep into his voice when he added, “’M sorry if it smells—”

“No, no,” Elodie interrupted, not wanting him to think she had some kind of issue, and she didn’t want to insult him, either. “My dad smokes, so I’m used to the smell.” With an embarrassed chuckle, she added, “I kind of like it, actually.”

At that, Calum let out a laugh, the sound raspy and breathy and a bit too adorable for Elodie to handle. “Really?” he questioned, the amusement apparent in his tone.

Elodie waved him off, feeling her own grin pull at her lips as Calum made a right turn, one hand on the wheel while the other rested on windowsill. She tried not to stare. “Yeah, yeah, I know it’s strange. Don’t judge.”

Calum snorted, throwing a glance her way. “You’re helping me with this suit shit. No judgement here, doll.”

If the shopping trip consisted of him dropping any more cute little terms on her, Elodie wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to make it.

When they arrived at the mall, Elodie’s eyes took in the various store fronts as she asked Calum, “Is there a specific store you wanna check out?”

“Um, honestly,” Calum sounded, looking lost in thought for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and glancing down at her. “I think I’ve got the shoes and shirt part covered—I just need, like, a suit jacket and pants to go with ’em. ’M not picky; something nice and not flashy that I can wear again for some other occasion, I guess.”

Elodie hummed in acknowledgement, trying to think of the many stores she knew to be in this particular mall. “What about Calvin Klein? They’ve got some cool stuff.” She also kind of wanted to check out their new sweaters. And needed underwear—though Elodie doubted she was gonna buy some right now.

Calum puckered his lips and put up his hands with a shake of his head. “Hey, I’m followin’ your lead, El.”

She decided she liked the sound of him saying her nickname.

They entered the store, the music mixing in with the chatter of customers, and Elodie’s gaze instantly drew over to the suits, and before she could think twice, her hand grasped Calum’s and she was pulling him along. Elodie didn’t allow herself to think of her bold move, instead absently admired the warmth of his touch and the coolness of the few rings he wore as they weaved past people and tables and displays.

There was an entire section dedicated to dress shirts, suit jackets, and different styles of pants to go with them. Elodie glanced at Calum, watching him look up at the jackets hanging up higher than she could reach, and asked him, “What color were you thinking?”

Calum let out a scoff of a laugh, raising a single eyebrow at her. Elodie admired how much taller he was than her, almost an entire foot. “I only have two dress shirts, sweetheart. A black and a white one. Whatever will go with either.”

The suit options the store had were black, navy blue, and grey, and Elodie pulled her lower lip into her mouth as an image of Calum in a particularly colored ensemble flashed through her mind. Would it be self indulgent to pick out an outfit for him that she would like to see him in? “I think a black suit would be best,” Elodie told him, listening to the thoughts running around in her head. When Calum’s dark eyes met hers, she added quickly, “It goes with everything and I think it’d be pretty on brand for you.”

At that, Calum laughed with a raise of his eyebrows, the amusement glimmering in his eyes as Elodie mirrored his smile. The sight of the crinkles by his eyes had her heart jumping. “On brand?” he repeated with an all too knowing smirk.

Elodie’s cheeks flamed, breaking their gaze as she tucked some of her hair behind her ears. “You know what I mean,” she mumbled before clearing her throat. “Suit jackets shouldn’t be hard to pick—pants are the main thing.”

Calum sucked at his tongue, turning his head to look at where the various styles of pants were hanging in divided sections. Elodie followed him as his fingers danced across the tops of the hanging pants, gesturing to one of the sections and glancing at her questioningly, “What ’bout these?” She moved around him, looking at the labels on the pants before twisting her lips to the side. Her gaze lifted to look at him, her expression one of hesitance that had Calum’s shoulders dropping and asking defeatedly, “What?”

“These are classic fits,” she told him with a gentle laugh, hand finding his leather clad bicep almost automatically as she steered him over to the pants to their left. “You wanna go for slim fit. They’re more fitting and better for suits.” Calum rolled his eyes with a huff, though there was no real annoyance present as he gave a shake of his head with pursed lips. When his lips quirked ever so slightly, Elodie knew he wasn’t really bothered by her words. Though, she was bothered that she needed the reassurance, thanks to Nathan. She pushed thoughts of him out of her head as she asked Calum, “Do you know your pants measurements?”

Calum hummed, stepping forward as he looked at the numbers on the labels. “Yeah, I know my waist,” he told her as he sifted through them. “Length always comes up differently.”

Elodie waved him off. “Just grab whichever ones you think are closest. Try as many on, we can figure it out.”

She watched as Calum looked through the pants, and she took that moment to look at the suit jackets. Fortunately, the tags with the sizes were attached to the sleeve, dangling from the material, and so Elodie looked through them trying to figure out which size would best fit Calum. He had broad shoulders and muscular arms—she looked at the tags towards the end where the few larger sizes were.

“Alright, I guess I’ll try these on.” Elodie turned around to see Calum holding three pairs of pants, all carefully hanging from their hangers.

She hummed in approval before nodded towards the jackets. “Which do you think will fit you best?”

Calum blew a raspberry as his dark eyes flickered up to them, prompting Elodie to laugh gently as he pursed his lips thoughtfully. He looked at the tags before nodding. “I can try those two on—they’ll probably fit best.”

He looked at her then and Elodie recognized the expectant expression he wore, before she let out a laugh with a raise of her eyebrows. Her voice still soft, as always, she asked, “You think I can reach up there?”

Calum’s dark eyes flickered between her and the hanging suit jackets, before realization softened his features and Calum snorted. “Right,” he laughed before offering her the pants.

She took them from him and took a step to the side, eyes watching as Calum easily reached up and hooked two hangers between his fingers and pulled them off the rod. Elodie felt her throat tighten as she drank in the sight of the expanse of his neck, the chains peeking out from under his clothes, as well as the sharp line of his jaw. Not for the first time, Elodie found herself admiring just how gorgeous he was.

When he retrieved the jackets, the two of them walked through the store towards the fitting room hallway, where one of the associates unlocked a room for Calum. He hung the jackets on one of the hooks and Elodie stood in the doorway, holding out the pants for him. As he put them down on the little bench and stood straight, Calum raised an eyebrow at her. Elodie could tell he was fighting a smirk as he asked, “Want me to do a fashion show for you?”

Elodie smiled, crossing her arms over her chest as the associate opened another room for someone else. “It’s the only reason why I’m here.”

Calum scoffed and Elodie took a step back as he closed the door. She leaned against the opposite wall, gaze dropping to where she could see Calum’s feet under the door, watching as he took off his Doc Martens and pushed them to the side. Elodie busied herself on her phone then after pulling a thread out of her floral denim jacket, trying not to think too much of the man behind the door, until it swung open a few moments later.

When she looked up, she couldn’t stop the short giggle from escaping her, fingers coming up to worry her lips as she looked at Calum—and at his bemused expression. “I’m gonna go with a no on these ones,” he deadpanned, head dropping to look at the way the pants went to his feet. They were too long.

“No, no, I think those are perfect,” Elodie teased, feeling a bit lighter in his company. He still tickled her stomach, made her skin flush excitedly, but despite all of that, every moment which past that she spent in Calum’s company, she grew more and more comfortable. And it didn’t scare her or make her anxious—it made her excited and nervous, but in the good way. In a way she didn’t mind feeling again and again when it came to him.

“Fuckin’ hilarious,” Calum grumbled, looking down and kicking at his feet almost childishly, which only widened Elodie’s grin. She had to admit—even though the pants were a bit too long, the sight of Calum in dress pants with an emerald green shirt and leather jacket was pretty.

Elodie grinned, tilting her head charmingly. Where this rush of confidence was coming from, she wasn’t sure. But Elodie wasn’t going to lie—she’d never felt more like herself. “I know.”

Calum shot her a mocking, derisive close mouthed smile, complete with narrowed eyes and pushed up cheeks before he shut the door once more, the action followed by Elodie’s giggles. She waited for him for a while, watching as customers came and went in and out of the fitting room, and the longer she waited, the more furrowed her eyebrows got.

She took the few steps towards the door, arms crossed and head ducked to listen after she asked, “Calum? Everything okay?”

The response came in form of the door opening, and Elodie looked up to see Calum standing there in a new pair of pants and one of the suit jackets. Her brown eyed gaze took in the sight of him, in his socks and dress pants and green shirt and suit jacket, and felt her heart jump into her throat. It was unfair how he made the outfit work. Maybe he should just wear that to Dominique’s parents’ party.

Calum held his left hand out as a show of displaying himself, the other one holding the door because it would otherwise close on them. “So?” he asked, glancing down at himself. “These fit pretty well. What d’you think?”

Elodie used the excuse to take in the sight of him, approaching him slowly and without much thought. Calum was right—they did fit him pretty well. The black suit jacket hugged his arms and spread over his shoulders nicely, and the black pants hugged his thighs snugly and comfortably as well. He had tucked in his shirt into the pants and Elodie fought herself from biting the inside of her cheek because it looked good.

“Yeah, they do,” she said truthfully, her gaze lifting to meet his eyes as she found herself in the room. Calum’s gaze never left hers. As she gestured to him subtly, she asked quietly, “You mind if I—”

He didn’t let her finish, giving a shake of his head with his raised eyebrows. “Not at all.”

Elodie flashed him a quick, nervous smile, highly aware of his burning gaze on her as she stepped towards him. The scent of his cologne was ever present and subtle as her nimble fingers fastened one of the two buttons on the jacket, hands automatically going to smooth the material against him without much thought. Her gaze was on the jacket, feeling her throat working because of their proximity like it always seemed to do, and Elodie was aware of the music playing in the store gradually fading out as the drum of her heart grew more prominent with each passing second.

“There,” she said, voice coming out as a whisper as she briefly pressed her lips together. The button was glimmering under the lights of the fitting room. Elodie smiled, not yet meeting his gaze as she spoke softly, “You look good in a suit.”

The compliment slipped out without much thought, flamed her cheeks, but it was an honest one. Sure, he was still in socks and a T-shirt with no tie, but Calum still looked undeniably good. Honestly, if he showed up like this to the party, Elodie wouldn’t mind at all.

She felt him move a bit as he scoffed lightly, hearing the smirk in his voice as he replied, “Just wait until I’m in the entire monkey suit.”

Elodie picked an invisible piece of lint off the jacket. She had a feeling if she looked Calum in the eyes, she wouldn’t be able to keep herself standing. But that didn’t stop the words from tumbling out of her lips, as if she suddenly had no filter. “You’ll blow everyone away.”

She heard and felt the slow breath Calum released, the sound soft and quiet, just like his raspy voice as he said, “There’s only one person ’m tryin’ to impress.”

His words effortlessly lifted Elodie’s gaze, her brown eyes widened a bit because of the unexpected statement, while Calum looked completely at ease with his warm eyes watching. But Elodie picked up on the slight hesitance within his irises, like he wasn’t sure if his confession was welcome, and all Elodie could bring herself to do was stare at him. Because what if she was misinterpreting what he was saying? What if she was reading into something that wasn’t meant for her?

God, she needed to stop doubting herself.

They were silent, only the music from the store and vague sound of people chatting infiltrating their space, except Elodie couldn’t bring herself to care about anything other than the man she was standing in front of. Calum was looking down at her, taking in her doe eyes and stilled breath, and Elodie’s skin was flushed pink as she ended up stammering out, “Really?”

He smiled, soft and sweet and completely stealing Elodie’s breath as he sucked in his lower lip briefly before confirming, “Yeah.” Calum tilted his head ever so slightly, gaze running over her in admiration, in a way no one has really looked at her before. A slow breath escaped him, almost as if he was holding something back, confirming so when his voice dropped an octave as he said, “And ’m tryin’ real hard to be a gentleman and not kiss you.”

“Don’t.” The word escaped Elodie before she could help it, a rushed and desperate whisper as she looked at him. When she saw something flash in Calum’s eyes, Elodie swallowed the excited lump in her throat, the fire bubbling in her veins, silencing the demonizing thoughts in the back of her head that sounded a bit too much like her ex as she expressed, “Don’t be a gentleman.”

Calum’s jaw tightened ever so slightly at Elodie’s words, watching her, studying her, as Elodie found the confidence to keep her gaze level with him. Her heart was pounding in her ears, drowning out the sounds of anything else, as she waited. There was no room for doubt, not when Calum had said what he said, but Elodie felt her nerves jittering with excitement, with impatience, wondering if he was going to listen to her. Wondering how the hell they got to this point, but not at all questioning it because she wanted this. And she deserved giving herself what she wanted every now and then, didn’t she?

There was a change in Calum’s expression when he realized Elodie meant what she said, blinking once to allow for the softness of his features to set as his lips parted ever so slightly. They stared at each other for what seemed like a stretch of minutes, brown against brown, and there was a subtle movement on Calum’s part as he allowed for his arm to drop, the action followed almost immediately by the sound of the fitting room door shutting behind Elodie. Now it was just the two of them in the small space of the fitting room, secluded from the rest of the store, and the fluttering in the pit of Elodie’s stomach intensified as Calum took the smallest of steps towards her, which was all that was needed.

This was happening. This was really happening. Elodie found herself tilting her chin up slightly, wanting to do something to get to the point where she wanted to be, breath hitching in her throat when Calum’s hands lifted to cup her cheeks. His touch was warm, rings cool, fingers tangling a bit into her hair, and Elodie had never felt such a fire simmering in her veins than she did in the moment of when Calum tilted her head up a bit and his thumbs gently grazed her skin.

His touch was so soft, holding her carefully, and Elodie watched as Calum’s gaze dropped to her lips softened with pink lipstick. Her heart thundering, Elodie watched Calum’s throat work briefly before he was leaning down and Elodie’s eyes fluttered shut as his lips pressed against hers in the softest kiss Elodie had ever experienced. His lips were plush against hers and it was enough for a jolt of electricity to shock through Elodie’s body, feeling her entire body yearning to melt into Calum’s immediately.

But the two of them pulled away too soon, except that it wasn’t the end of the kiss. Calum’s hands remained cupping Elodie’s face, noses tucked together and their breaths sounding over the music and their pounding hearts as if they’d just ran a marathon. Their eyes opened together, though both of their gazes dropped to the lips they’d just touched before looking at one another at the last second.

Elodie met his gaze through her eyelashes, his dark eyes sending a thrill down her spine, noting the question swimming in them. Noting that he so badly wanted to do it again, but was looking for her approval. God. That was hot.

She tilted her lips forward, giving him her answer.

Calum’s lips met hers once more, though this time more firmly, more boldly as he sucked at her lower lip, and Elodie was opening her mouth to him almost immediately. He tasted like mint gum as she felt his tongue tease hers, and the sensation of his scruff tickling against her skin only had Elodie melting into Calum, wanting to completely submit herself to him as her arms slid around him, feeding the desire of wanting him close.

His warmth seeped into her wonderfully as he kissed her, the electricity sparking her blood like fuel to a fire as Calum moved them so Elodie’s back was pressed against the wall and her front against Calum’s as his lips continued to work against hers. She felt his hands lower from her cheeks, palms brushing the sides of her neck as his thumbs grazed the line of her jaw on either side. He kissed her feverishly and Elodie was consumed by him; by his touch and lips and his cologne enveloping her as warmly as he did. Kissing him was everything she thought it’d be and more; he kissed her like he meant it, like he enjoyed it, like this was all he wanted to do. She hoped he knew it was mutual.

The sound of a phone ringing in proximity had their kiss breaking far earlier than either one of them would’ve liked, breaths heavy as Elodie leaned her head back and watched as Calum’s head dropped as a frustrated huff escaped him. It was his phone.

Elodie wondered if her face looked as red as it felt warm, felt her lips tingling as Calum dropped one hand from her to reach for his phone sitting on top of his clothes on the little bench, his other hand still on the side of her neck. She wondered if he could feel her racing pulse beneath his fingers.

Calum’s dark eyes met Elodie’s, the breath she’d barely gotten ahold of hitching in her throat when she noted his lips pinkened with their kisses and her lipstick. Her stomach was in excited knots. “Yeah, Luke?” he answered the call, his voice gruff and raspy and sexy. She kept her eyes on him, felt the smile tug on the corner of her lips when Calum’s thumb brushed along her jaw once more. His touch was a never ending thrill of shocks running through her body. Calum gave a roll of his eyes at whatever Luke was saying on the other end, mocking him to get a gentle giggle out of Elodie. “Yeah, I’ll be back in about twenty.”

When he hung up with an almost defeated sigh, dropping his phone back on the pile of his pants and leather jacket, Elodie allowed for her smile to widen just a bit. “Back to the shop?” she asked knowingly.

“Yeah,” Calum sighed, the corner of his lips tilting ever so slightly in a smirk when his thumb not so innocently grazed along her lower lip and Elodie’s throat worked at the action. It sent a shiver down her spine, unsurprisingly. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, “Wanna come by? If you don’t already have plans.”

His thumb gently pulled at her lower lip and Elodie was going to need him to stop doing that unless he wanted her to collapse on unsupportive knees. The way he was watching her wasn’t helping, either. “I’ve got no plans.”

Calum grinned, pretty and breathless, and for the next few minutes he changed back into his clothes while Elodie wandered into the main area of the store, heart rate slowly returning to normal and the flush in her cheeks dissipating as she walked over to the women’s section and picked up two pairs of different colored sweatpants in her size. She shopped at Calvin Klein enough to know what size fit her best.

When Calum wandered out of the fitting room, holding only the pants and jacket he wanted, the two of them stood in the short line in a mutual and comfortable silence until it was their turn. And once Elodie placed her sweatpants down on the counter after returning the cashier’s greeting, she promptly picked up Calum’s clothes from his arms and placed them down as well. “Hey—what’re you doing?” he asked in bewilderment, stepping up to push his things away from hers.

Elodie swatted his hands away, noting the amused smile on the cashier’s face as Elodie told him, “I’ve got this.” Looking at the cashier, she told her, “These are all together.”

“Elodie,” Calum spoke up, the protest obvious in his tone as she looked up at him. She saw the frown knitting together his eyebrows as the cashier rung up the sweatpants and then his items, which were obviously more expensive. Calum gave a shake of his head as the total came up to nearly three hundred dollars with the four items together.

Before he could add on, Elodie cut him off with a pointed raise of her eyebrows, pulling out the credit card from her wallet while her free hand grasped Calum’s wrist, feeling the metal of his bracelet under her touch. His eyes met hers and she smiled, sweet and genuine. “Let me do something nice for you.”

The words were obviously familiar as they clicked in Calum’s head as the ones he’d said to her after he pierced her nose, and Calum let out a scoff of a laugh as he shook his head down at her. Elodie noted the amusement mixed with exasperation in his expression as he braced his hand on the counter to face her. “The piercing was, like, a sixth of what you’re tryin’ to pay.”

Elodie shrugged, putting the chip end of her credit card into the reader and ignoring the breathless protesting sounds of “El, come on—” that escaped Calum.

It was paid for and Elodie was handed a bag with her sweatpants while Calum’s suit jacket and pants were hung up and put in a proper garment bag before handing it over to a reluctant Calum. “Thank you,” Elodie smiled at the cashier before the two of them walked out of the store and into the mall, glancing up to look at Calum. A startled laugh escaped her, surprising them both, as she took in the sight of him, amusement coloring her tone as she asked, “Are you pouting?”

Calum instantly flattened his lips, chin lifting as they kept walking towards the mall entrance they’d come from. “No,” he denied almost childishly, which only prompted another laugh from Elodie. He was totally pouting and Elodie found it exhaustingly adorable.

But then as they got into his car, a thought crept into Elodie’s head, as loud as the sound of the car door shutting and echoing in the parking garage. Elodie felt her chest tighten as she settled into the car and strapped in her seatbelt, eyebrows furrowing as she looked towards her knees because the thought in her head, belonging to a voice not her own, wondered fiercely and loudly if she somehow. . . Insulted Calum.

Nathan—he hated whenever Elodie offered to pay for something when they were out. And she knew it was because of that superiority complex and that control he liked to have over Elodie, and her paying for something for both of them definitely stung his manhood. Even if that wasn’t Elodie’s intention—God, she’d only wanted to do something nice. Her stomach twisted, briefly wondering if her paying for the clothes rubbed Calum the wrong way, even if she tried to silence that twisted voice in her head with the reminder that Calum wasn’t Nathan.

Her throat was tight, but the words slipped past her lips anyway. “I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

Calum had started the car, the engine of the Range Rover humming quietly, and instead of pulling out of the parking spot he paused. Elodie could feel her gaze on him, feeling the heat of it on her cheek as he asked, “What?”

The sound of her nails clicking filled the car, and Elodie wished she could stop the action right away, but she bit the inside of her lower lip as she watched her deep red nails click together and spoke, “If I crossed a line. . . I’m sorry.”

“What’re you—El, hey.” Calum shifted in his seat, body facing Elodie’s as his hand covered both of hers, effectively stopping her clicking nails. She sucked in her lower lip, gaze on his hand on hers, before finally looking at him despite being hesitant to do so. His dark eyes were on her, eyebrows knitting together not in annoyance, but in reassurance, features soft. She wondered what he saw when he looked at her, but there was a flash of realization across his face as he leaned towards her, raising his eyebrows. “That voice in the back of your head that sounds like Nathan? Tell it to shut up.”

Her eyes widened, gaping at him in dumbfoundment because apparently Calum could read her frighteningly well. Elodie’s lips parted, ready to say something her brain hadn’t come up with yet, before pressing them together once more and swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. The fact that Calum just knew the insecurities taunting Elodie in her head sounded like her ex had her heart jumping, but she also felt a familiar warmth flurry in her stomach. The look in his eyes, inviting and understanding, easily erased the doubt that had sprouted in Elodie’s head, loudly telling her that he wasn’t at all feeling the way she had feared.

Elodie pulled her lips into her mouth before exhaling softly, gaze dropping in sheepishness as she mumbled, “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, doll.” Elodie pressed her lips together, quirking them up in an apologetic smile which had Calum letting out a small huff of laughter. His eyes watched her, took her in, before speaking up, “Wanna know something?” Her eyebrows quirked ever so slightly, silently prompting him to continue. Calum leaned in even loser, the gap between them minimal as Elodie kept her eyes on his, and Calum tilted his head ever so slightly, causing his nose to brush against hers. “You don’t ever have to doubt yourself with me, alright?”

Her heart was practically floating in her chest at Calum’s words, the heat rushing up her neck and spreading across her cheeks. He somehow knew the right things to say, and he meant them when he said them, which only had Elodie falling for him more quickly. And she didn’t mind, because he was not Nathan. Calum was better.

“Alright,” she repeated in a murmur, smiling adorably, before feeling that gentle confidence came back and she asked, “Can you kiss me again?”

Calum grinned, not even being able to hold the smirk as her request excited him unexpectedly, and merely hummed in affirmative before closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to hers. The electricity crackled between them in the closed space of the car as Calum’s free hand cupped her cheek. She liked that he did that when he kissed her. She liked his kisses. God, she liked him.

And the way he kissed her, unabated and like he never wanted to do anything else, let her know it was completely mutual.

*****

When Calum slid into limousine—an actual stretch limo that pulled up in front of his apartment building—the first and only thing he noticed was Elodie amongst his friends. Her coat covered the top of her dress, but Calum noted, in the blue light of the limo, that it was a deep emerald color, the expanse of her right leg shown through a slit, and he felt his throat tighten as he settled against the leather seat.

So Calum nudged Michael, who was sat between Calum and Crystal. But both Michael and his girl were separating Calum from Elodie, so he looked at his friend and said, “Switch.”

Elodie couldn’t fight the smile as Michael blinked at Calum before realization dawned on him, snickering as he got up, figure bent because they were in the back of a limo. He settled in Calum’s space once he had gotten up as well, and Crystal scooted away from Elodie and towards Michael as Calum finally settled into Crystal’s place. He ignored the immature and teasing whistles and whoots from their friends as his left arm dropped around Elodie’s shoulders, pulling her into his side and murmuring into her ear, “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Hi,” she returned, just as gently, quelling the fire in her cheeks as she saw the smirk Dominique sent her way. Elodie allowed her hand to brush along his thigh, taking a soft breath as she glanced up at him, “The suit looks good on you.”

He smirked, looking down at himself briefly. He’d gone for the all black look, borrowing a tie from Ashton and bringing out one of the two pairs of dress shoes he had. The last time he’d worn them were to his sister’s college graduation, Calum was glad they still fit and looked new. “I had a lot of help,” he told her as the sounds of their friends chattering mixed with the music playing. Apparently Luke had the aux cord that the driver offered them. Calum’s own gaze dropped to Elodie’s dress, fighting the urge to run a hand along the exposed skin of her leg, instead using his free hand to run a finger along the dress. He smiled at the soft and smooth material. “Velvet, huh?”

She smiled, innocent but not at all, and Calum couldn’t help but think she would be the death of him.

They arrived to the hotel where Dominique’s parents were hosting their event, a party thrown just to prepare for the holiday season coming up even though November just started, and Calum eyed the paparazzi gathered outside, taking pictures of the guests arriving and heading inside. An attendant opened the door and Michael stepped out, and Calum knew he had to keep it moving as he followed Crystal. The paparazzi wasn’t too loud, though their cameras continued flashing as Calum fastened a single button on his jacket and held his hand out to Elodie, who stepped out of the car with her bare leg flashing gorgeously before she ducked out of the car, a smile lighting up her face as she looked up at Calum.

“A lot of photographers,” he observed, not distastefully, as her arm linked with his so naturally, so unafraid of the pictures being taken. Not that Calum was afraid of them—he just couldn’t help but wonder how Elodie and Dominique could be used to this. He would get dizzy after just seconds against the flashes.

Elodie rubbed at his arm as they walked, her voice gentle as she said, “We’ll be inside in a second.”

As they walked up the steps and entered the hotel, doors opened by the doormen, Luke let out a small huff of laughter and murmured to Calum, “Nothing like being in the city’s elite entourage, huh?”

Calum chuckled at that as he gave an agreeing shake of his head. If he was being honest, he sometimes forgot both Elodie’s and Dominique’s families belonged to the richer side of the city, mostly because neither of them truly acted like it. They sometimes dressed the part, but other than that, it was a fact of their lives that Calum often forgot. Except when Elodie bought him the suit he was now wearing and he accidentally made her feel guilty about it. For that moment, he kind of hated himself for making her feel that way.

Before they entered the hall where the event was taking place, they went to the coat check so the girls could take off their jackets, and Calum felt his breath hitch in his throat as Elodie shrugged hers off. Her dress was spaghetti strapped with a deep yet elegant cut, and the velvet dress hugged her beautifully. How he was supposed to keep his hands off of her throughout this party, Calum had no idea.

As she tucked in her little ticket into her purse, Calum stepped up to her, his front against her back, ducking his head to brush his lips against her ear as he whispered, “You’re killing me, doll.”

Elodie let out a breathless, almost sheepish laugh as she looked up at him with glimmering eyes, and Calum had a feeling she knew exactly what she was doing. He fucking adored how some of her innocence seemed to slip away when it came to him. Calum watched as her brown eyes took him in, from his shoes right up to his eyes, and he felt his chest tighten to see her so openly admiring him. “Now you know how I feel,” she hummed before Dominique ushered for them keep moving.

Calum let out a laugh as he followed her, eyes taking her in appreciatively, admiring every single aspect of her. She was gorgeous and Calum had no idea what to do with himself.

But about an hour and a half later, after Calum and everyone else were introduced to Dominique’s parents—apparently Elodie’s were out of town, though she had made sure to let Dominique’s parents know they send their love, to which Dominique’s mom laughed and said she knew given that she was on the phone with Elodie’s mom just hours before—Calum could feel a heated gaze on him, one he hadn’t been able to shake off as he took in his surroundings.

The hall was decorated in white and reds and greens, a band playing Christmas songs on stage and several beautifully decorated Christmas trees were placed around the room. One of those walk-in cloud-like photo booths was in one corner, and in another was an area to take pictures with Santa, probably for the kids Calum saw running around. He bet Dominique’s parents would regret bringing along Santa when someone who’d sipped too much eggnog happened to fall into his lap.

Calum sipped on his whiskey, grabbing it from the bar as opposed to the champagne being carried around by the waitstaff, dark eyes looking over the rim of the glass and catching sight of the guy towards the other side of the banquet hall. So far, Calum had been perfectly fine at this event, sipping his drink and mostly sticking with the boys and Sierra and Crystal. They didn’t feel out of place, enjoying each other’s company and the drinks, while Dominique and Elodie did their rounds to greet people they knew—alongside Ashton, who was dragged by Dominique. Calum had smirked into the glass at Ashton’s mildly bewildered gaze. He’d been boyfriended.

About damn time.

“Is that Elodie’s ex that keeps staring at you like he wants to spit in your drink?” Calum looked at Crystal, who was raising her eyebrows and looking past Calum’s shoulders.

Calum lowered his glass and the group of them looking over, and he felt his teeth automatically grind together at the sight of Nathan. He stood by a table with a bunch of people, nursing his own drink, and staring at Calum with a look dangerous enough to kill—it barely tickled Calum. So he just stood, taking another long sip of his burning whiskey as his eyes locked with Nathan’s. His glare intensified, and all Calum did was eye him coolly despite his own irritation brimming.

“Yeah,” Calum turned to look back at his friends, their gaze shifting back to him as he smirked. With a single shrug, Calum mused, “It’s cute that he thinks he’s being intimidating.”

Michael snorted, one arm around Crystal as he told Calum boredly, “You should’ve broken his arm when you had the chance.”

Crystal swatted at him, though no real malice or disapproval was present, as the rest of them laughed and Calum sucked at his teeth. “Not in front of Elodie,” was all he said, and it was reason enough. Sure, after what he saw Nathan do and say, Calum had no problem setting him straight. But doing so in front of Elodie wasn’t at all on his agenda. Calum wasn’t a violent person, but Nathan was lucky as hell Calum didn’t make good on his promise of breaking his arm.

“I heard my name.” The smile tugged at Calum’s lips as Elodie stepped up to his left, Dominique and Ashton also stepping into their little circle as he looked down to see Elodie.

She smelt like expensive perfume, fruity and pleasant, and Calum reveled in the feeling of her fingers intertwining with his, their joined hands hanging between their bodies as she smiled up at him. “Just wonderin’ where you ran off to,” he told her, not wanting to unnecessarily bring up Nathan.

Elodie let out a breath as their friends dissolved into conversations of their own. Her gaze dropped briefly, the pretty fake eyelashes she wore only accentuating her eyes as she looked up at him again. “I’m sorry about that—as the only one from my family I have to, like, make my rounds and greet everyone. So boring.”

“Don’t apologize,” Calum told her, a smile tugging at his lips as he said, “You were like a social butterfly. ’T was cute.”

“It’s boring,” Elodie repeated with an airy laugh, leaning her temple against Calum’s arm as the rings they both wore gently scraped together in their joined hands. The smile remained on Calum’s face as he looked down at her as she listened to whatever their friends were talking about. It comforted him to know how comfortable she was becoming in his presence.

It had been a few days since they kissed in that dressing room, and between now and then, the two of them hung out a couple of times. Whether it be Elodie dropping by the shop after classes or Calum visiting her apartment, they enjoyed each other’s company. He watched as she became more and more at ease with him, and Calum never wanted her to feel anything but that. If Nathan treated her worse than what Calum had witnessed, Calum wanted her to know what it was like to be looked at, to be spoken to, and to be treated by someone who truly appreciated her, liked her, wanted her. Who would never even think of speaking to her the way Nathan did.

So Calum kept her attention whenever he could as the group of them sat down at a table with their drinks, all of them chattering and taking pictures and enjoying the party Dominique’s parents were hosting. They even walked by the table at one point to talk with Calum and all the friends their daughter brought by they weren’t familiar with, and Calum liked them. They seemed like nice people—not that he assumed otherwise. Rich people only caring for their fellow elites and looking down at others wasn’t a kind of group Dominique and Elodie belonged in, in Calum’s opinion.

Eventually, they found themselves in the photo booth, taking turns in taking couples pictures and groups pictures, sifting through the table of props. When Sierra and Luke were about to finish their pictures, Calum and Elodie looked through the props to see what to pick up. “Oh, here,” Calum smirked, picking up the arrow sign that said naughty and handing it to Elodie while picking up the nice one for himself.

Elodie laughed, holding it by the stick before picking up the Santa hat and handing it him. “Wear this,” she said while picking up the reindeer headband and putting it on, and Calum snickered while doing as he was told. Her adorable grin was worth it.

They stepped into the booth and as the timer went down after Elodie clicked on it, Calum pulled her to his side and the two of them held up their signs, making sure their own pointed at one another’s, an angelic grin on Elodie’s face while Calum wore a smirk, chin tilting as he looked into the camera. Briefly, he admired how she only just reached his shoulder even in her heels.

Calum couldn’t remember the last time he took photo booth pictures—maybe it was when he’d gone to Six Flags with the boys and they all crammed themselves in a much smaller space—but he found himself enjoying doing this with Elodie, especially because she was so into it. They changed poses for the second picture, dropping the signs on the floor as Calum pulled her in front of him, her back against his chest, his arms wrapping around her waist as he rested his chin on top of her head, his face in the space between her reindeer antlers that only made her laugh in the picture while he grinned.

The last picture consisted of Calum pulling out a prop he had swiped from the table at the last minute, Elodie’s eyes catching sight of the fake mistletoe hanging loosely from the top of a stick. “Smooth,” she commented, her grin wide as Calum held it above their heads.

The mischievous look glimmered Calum’s eyes, wiggling his eyebrows down at her and adoring the pink flush in her cheeks, and Elodie gave an amused shake of her head before her hand rested on the back of his neck to pull him down for a kiss. Calum returned the kiss just as fervently, unable to fight the smile that slipped to his lips as his free hand wrapped around her waist and held her close. She tasted like the champaign, and he knew he tasted like whiskey, but neither cared as their lips moved together and eventually the familiar sound of the camera shutter went off.

“Come on,” Elodie giggled against his lips, her hands gripping the lapels of his jacket and trying to pull away. She wasn’t very convincing of it. “Let’s see our pictures.”

Calum groaned lightly, not even bothering to hide the pout on his lips as Elodie pulled away from him, head tilting back as her hand grasped his free one and he turned to follow her out after they picked up the dropped signs. Once they stepped out, taking off their head gear, Elodie took the two strips of pictures from the photo booth runner’s hand and just as she was about to hand one to Calum, it was snatched out of her hand.

Calum’s jaw tightened when he looked from the offending hand to take in the sight of Nathan in his clean cut dark grey suit. Elodie tensed next to him as Calum muttered, “For fuck’s sake.”

“Aren’t you two a happy couple?” Nathan derisively mocked, raising his eyebrows at the photo strip before scoffing and lifting his gaze. He ignored Calum and the severity of his scowl, looking straight at Elodie as he jeered, “You left me for this bullshit?”

Calum felt Elodie’s hand grip his arm, and he was proud of the steadiness in her voice as she responded, “I didn’t leave you for anything. I left you because of you.”

Damn fucking straight.

Nathan’s eyes narrowed at her, jaw set as he thwacked the strip against his finger. Calum’s gaze was sharp; if he wrinkled the picture, Calum may just break his finger. Or his entire arm.

Tilting his chin, Nathan scoffed. “When’d you get a mouth on you?” The contempt was flaring in his green eyes, and Calum felt his muscles tighten at the look he was giving Elodie. The party continued on in the hall, but Calum was aware of their friends stepping over, ready to jump in if they needed. Calum hoped they didn’t have to, for Elodie’s sake. Nathan’s tone was patronizing as he continued, “I liked it better when you kept it shut.”

Calum’s teeth gritted, a rush of fiery heat sizzling through his veins because he was two seconds away from shoving the Santa hat in his hands down Nathan’s throat for the way he was speaking to Elodie. She broke up with his pathetic ass, she shouldn’t have to deal with this any longer than she already did. It was increasingly becoming difficult to not make good on his promise of some broken bones.

He chanced a glance at Elodie, noting her pursed lips and tight expression, feeling only some relief when he didn’t see her brown eyes glass over. The fact that Nathan didn’t seem to have the power of making her cry anymore was a step forward, and Calum would be damned if he let Nathan try to push forward.

But before he could say anything, Dominique strode over, tall and purposeful as she snatched the photo strip from Nathan’s hand and snapped, “And I liked it better when you weren’t a part of our lives.” She came to stand on the other side of Calum, her own scowl fierce. “Walk away before I beat Calum in breaking your nose.”

Calum noted the way Ashton’s eyebrows shot up at Dominique’s firm words, looking nothing but in awe of her, and Calum would be too if he wasn’t so focused on keeping his sharpened gaze fixated on Nathan. But the man no one wanted around scoffed, looking at Elodie once more as he asked, “You have other people fight your battles now?”

Calum felt Elodie’s grip on his arm tighten, but then he also felt her free hand grasp his own, giving it a squeeze. He returned the gesture earnestly, jaw set and eyes narrowed at Nathan, and he felt Elodie take a breath as the band on stage began playing Drummer Boy. Elodie’s voice was calm, steady, and the gentleness in which she spoke had only the slightest bit of an edge to it, but her words were sharp as she responded, “There’s nothing left to fight, Nathan. I think it’s time you understand that.”

“And I think it’s time you walk the fuck away,” Dominique started. Calum had a feeling she had been waiting for this since her and Nathan’s animosity started. Her tone was icy, not to be messed with, as she continued, “Leave before I have security kick you out. I don’t give a shit if our parents are friends—it’d be worth it to see you land on your ass outside in front of all the paps.”

Nathan’s gaze went from Dominique to Calum, who was fighting the sneer that threatened to escape as his scowl remained tight on his features. He saw the hatred in Nathan’s eyes towards him, fierce under the fire that was simmering, but Calum didn’t waver in the slightest. All he felt towards Nathan was a mutual hatred for how he treated Elodie; for the time Calum knew her and however long their relationship lasted.

And then Nathan looked at Elodie and Calum didn’t know why it surprised him when he noticed the way Nathan’s gaze didn’t at all soften when he looked at his ex-girlfriend—as if she was the one in the wrong and he was the victim in this situation. There was no love lost between them, it seemed, and while Calum knew that to be true on Elodie’s end, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting from Nathan. The guy was a control freak with an anger issue—no doubt he was more pissed about losing someone to have a grip on than a girlfriend who cared about him until she couldn’t anymore.

Nathan gave a click of his tongue. “Not worth it,” he scoffed before turning and walking away, not looking back as the distance grew between him and everyone else.

Before anyone could say anything, Dominique held the picture strip out to Calum and said, “Here—it’s probably got Nathan germs on it, though.”

Calum took it from her just as Elodie let out a gentle laugh at her best friend’s words, and the sound was enough to loosen Calum’s muscles, especially his jaw. His teeth had began to ache from how hard he was clenching it. “I’m probably the one with the most Nathan germs, to be fair,” Elodie commented, making Dominique dramatically shudder as Ashton stepped up to her.

As Elodie’s words registered in Calum’s head, his face scrunched up, giving a shake of his head as he sounded through a quiet groan, “Oh, jeez, gross, El.”

She giggled softly, her body relaxing now that she was no longer in the presence of her ex, squeezing Calum’s hand once more. “Sorry, sorry,” Elodie hummed, letting go of his arm to look at the strip in her hand. “These are cute,” she added in a soft murmur.

Calum finally looked at the pictures in his own hand, taking in the three images as a gentle smile curved at his lips. He felt Elodie’s warmth seep into him, but the heat that ran through him because of Nathan dissipated and transformed into a  welcome heat spreading through his chest, comforting. The pictures were cute, but Calum gave that credit to Elodie, who was grinning without care in them. Happiness looked good on her.

“They are,” Calum agreed. It wasn’t lost on him how happy he looked in the pictures, too. He liked it. This was definitely going up on his fridge or something.

“Thanks for sticking by my side,” Elodie then said, her voice soft once more as she tilted her head up to look at him, and Calum noted the appreciation dancing in them.

He realized in that moment that he hadn’t even said anything to Nathan when he interrupted them, instead just hoped his eyes would show the murderous intent. His lips curled upwards once more at the sight of her bright eyes and pink cheeks. “You don’t have to thank me, doll,” he told her, before his smile became an impressed smirk. “’M proud of you for putting him in his place. You’re pretty badass, Elodie Banks.”

His compliment had her grin widening happily, the flush in her cheeks darkening adorably as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling and shrugged in mock modesty. “I have my moments,” she giggled before reaching up, because even in her heels she wasn’t nearly as tall as Calum, but he got the message and ducked his head to meet her lips with his halfway.

Whatever the two of them were, it was new and fresh. But even though it was unexpected, both in the fact that she was kind of with Calum and the fact that he wanted to be with her, Elodie knew at least one thing to be true: being with him made her feel more like herself than she had in a long time.

--

tags: @irwinkitten​ @sweetcherrymike​ @meetashthere​ @valentinelrh​ @softforcal​ @astroashtonio​ @hereforlukescruff​ @novacanecalum​ @captain-what-is-going-on​ @angelbbycal​ @singt0mecalum​ @hopelessxcynic​ @lfwallscouldtalk​ @bodhi-black​ @findingliam-o​ @softlrh​ @calntynes​ @calumsmermaid​ @erikamarie41​ @quintodosuniversos​ @longlastingdaydream​ @babylon-corgis​ @lukehemmingsunflower​ @imfuckin10plybud​ @pastelpapermoons​ @conquerwhatliesahead92​ @rotten-kandy​ @metangi​ @neigcthood​ @ohhmuke​ @old-zeppelin-shirt​ @5sos-and-hessa​ @trustmeimawhalebiologist​ @vxlentinecal​ @pettybassists​ @vaporshawn​ @lu-my-golden-boi​ @visualm3nte​ @isabella-mae13​ @dontjinx-it​ @lifeakaharry​ @neonweeknds​ @antisocialbandmate​ @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​ @calpalbby​ @grreatgooglymoogly​ @sunnysidesblog​ @gorgeouslygrace​ @cocktail-calum​ @miahelizaaabeth​ @madelynerin​ @dramallamawithsparkles​ @theagenderwhocriedwolf​ @kaytiebug14​ @hoodskillerqueen​ @bitchinbabylon​ @empathycth��� @xhaileyreneex​ @inlovehoodx​ @calistheloml​ @aestheticrelated​ @bloodlinecal​ @sublimehood​ @madbomb​ @raabiac​ @britnicole11​ @outofmylimitcal​ @fluffsshawn​ @bloodmoonashton​ @vxidhood​ @tea4sykes 

#calum hood #calum hood one shot #calum hood imagine #calum hood imagines #calum hood blurb #calum hood blurbs #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fic #5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #michael clifford #luke hemmings #5sos one shot #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #5sos blurb #5sos blurbs #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #ashton irwin imagine #luke hemmings imagine #michael clifford imagine #ashton irwin one shot #luke hemmings one shot #michael clifford one shot #ashton irwin blurb #michael clifford blurb #luke hemmings blurb #ashton irwin imagines

[kiss-my-freckle]

I consider the woman from Paris a serious enemy. Especially if she reaches out to Gina Zanetakos like I believe she will. When I consider what leads she could follow, Gina trumps all of them. Here are 8 reasons why.

1. The Townsend Directive explains why Red turned himself in.

Red: Please understand, I want more than anything to help you. It’s the reason why I’m here.

Red: Lizzy, I’ve been monitoring Tom since he entered your life. About a year ago, I discovered that he had purchased three passports from a trusted forger I use in Warsaw.

Red: Right now, the only thing that matters is the immediate threat - your husband - finding out who he is and who he works for.

Red: And so, you were married. And I couldn’t stay away any longer. A confluence of peril had entered your life, and I wanted to be within reach, to have influence. I turned myself in to the FBI to point you toward a truth that inevitably you would have to discover for yourself.

Red: God willing, Katarina’s daughter will live a private life of quiet courage. But if anyone learns her identity, the only way I can stop the threats from rising, is to rise up as a greater threat than all of them. - - - Red: As I feared would happen, elements from Katarina’s past are circling Elizabeth like a pack of wolves in the night. I put Tom Keen in her life to keep an eye on her, and he married her. Kate: This isn’t about Tom Keen. It’s about your need for control. Red: Indeed. I need to control the danger to Elizabeth. I’ve built a vast criminal network predicated on that very principal. It’s time to live up to my mission statement.

Red: Four years ago, I surrendered to protect you. From Tom, Berlin, Cabal.

Red: She would’ve taken one look at you and known you’d be fine. And not because of the money I obsessively cobbled together for you but because you have in your life the only thing that matters. People who love you. People you can depend on. People who will always tell you the truth. Six years ago, I turned myself in because of you. Now, here, at the end - I’m at peace because of them.

Red: Her husband wasn't who he appeared to be. She was in jeopardy. I had to intervene.

2. The reintroduction of Tom's go-box.

Red: Does he know you as well as you know him? Does he know about you as a child? Does he know about the fire?

Liz: I believe he was asking for a name.

Anton: All I know is they say she had a daughter.

Engraved with the mark, which I believe Tom framed Gina with. Red’s questions in The Freelancer, taking note to Liz’s scar. Tom didn't know Katarina's identity, shown in 2x20. But soon after, Masha was framed by the Cabal. Not even Velov spoke of "Masha" specifically. I believe Tom revealed Liz’s born identity to the Cabal, which was partly the reason he was released from custody in 2x16.

3. Tom being brought up regularly.

Red: I’m sure it’s been difficult since Tom. But you have Agnes now. You should be looking forward, not back. You deserve a bigger life.

Liz: My husband, Tom, and I specifically chose this apartment because you can access the service corridor from the parking structure.

Red: Her husband wasn't who he appeared to be. She was in jeopardy. I had to intervene.  Cassandra: And... is she still in jeopardy? Red: I hope not.

Liz: You know, you were right when you recently told me that, um - it's been difficult since Tom, but that I have Agnes. And I should be looking forward and not back. Red: And that you deserve a bigger life.

Agnes: What's that? Liz: Nothing, honey. Your daddy just always taught me to be ready for a rainy day. Agnes: But it's not raining. Liz: Aren't you too smart for your own good? Come here. Get up here. Have I ever told you how your daddy and I met? No?

For a character that’s been dead for two seasons, he’s been brought up enough times for me to believe it. Even in S6.

4. Tom left Gina for his target, who then became his wife.

“I hadn’t known you’d taken a new husband. Not that I was angry to find out, certainly not as angry as he seemed to be, charging out of that room.”

An interesting opposite parallel as I believe Ilya was married to the woman from Paris, who then became his target. Adding in their direct dialogue parallels.

Liz: You killed him? Tom: Uh, no. Actually, Gina did, but- that’s a long story.

Agnes: Mommy, who’s that funny-looking man? Liz: IIt’s a long story. But we finally have time to tell it.

This dialogue parallel alone, placed where they are, sells Rederina.

5. Parallels they’ve thrown in according to my other theories.

The list is massive, and most hit S2.  Red’s drugging and kidnapping parallels Liz’s memory manipulation. Steinhil parallels Krilov. Steinhil’s hospital con parallels Liz’s false memories. Ilya’s Orion extraction parallels Liz’s Braxton recall. Skovic’s suppression on Krilov parallels Liz’s memory manipulation. Elodie in the Defiance tank parallels Liz in the box in 3x9. Red and Frankie parallel Tom and Liz in S2. Red and Alina parallel Ressler and Liz in S2. Frankie runs parallel to Tom. Alina runs parallel to Ressler. Red and Frankie parallel the 2x17 Keenler birthday dinner. Red and Liz parallel the 2x17 Keenler birthday dinner. Lussier on the truck parallels Tom in the hull of the ship. Frankie’s role in Dr. Lewis Powell parallels Tom in Vanessa Cruz. Dom’s farmhouse shooting parallels Red’s Vanessa Cruz shooting. The Belgrade bombing parallels the Orea bombing. The woman from Paris parallels Liz. Stark parallels Shaw. Hannah parallels rape in Liz’s memory wipe. Hannah parallels Liz in conception of child. Ressler parallels Hannah’s rapist in being the biological father. Agnes parallels Hannah’s daughter. Orion Relocation Services parallels Brimley’s unicorn foreshadow. The 7x10 attack in Liz’s apartment parallels their 5x8 attack by Garvey.  Parallels to Ruin, Mako Tanida, Pratt, and Cape May. Ilya in Gordon Kemp parallels the woman in Paris in 6x22. I could keep going, but I’ll stop here. 

6. She could help the woman solidify herself as Liz's mother. 

To the point it could require DNA proof that she's not in order for Liz to realize she's a fake. All in the fact that Gina was Tom's lover, and they still remained in contact. At any time, he could've informed her about Sam Milhoan, Kate Kaplan, and Constantin Rostov. Basically, everything Tom knew while still in contact with Gina could've been revealed to her, and in revealing it to her, could be revealed to the woman if she reaches out to her. And the last time Gina was in contact was the Red Wedding, 3x17 - which places her at Alexander Kirk’s entry. 

7. Cooper, the task force, and the blacklist. 

Because of #6, she could offer the woman answers regarding Red’s involvement with Cooper and the FBI. This includes information on Red’s date of surrender, his blacklist cases that Tom recorded in his calculus book, information Tom had posted on his clue board, and I’m talking blacklisters from the pilot to 3x17 when we last see her on-screen. This includes her own episode and the murder of Victor Fokin. 

8. Side stories and miscellaneous information. 

Because of #6, she could offer the woman answers regarding Sam Milhoan's death, the mark, LIz’s scar, the fire and the Fulcrum, Tom’s walk through the post office - which includes a blueprint he drew from memory, Krilov’s two memory wipes on Liz, Red’s second story flat, Bill Kershaw - Red’s alias, Red’s Vanessa Cruz shooting and LIz’s Cabal frame, Tom’s alignment with Berlin, Tom’s true role in Liz’s life, Red’s hire of Tom Keen, Red turning to the Major to hire him, Tom’s role at the harbormaster trial, Tom’s connection to Constantin Rostov aka Alexander Kirk, and it doesn’t stop there. This includes everything she could’ve learned prior to the pilot, and anything that may have been learned off-screen. Because she was Tom’s lover. 

One of the last things Liz said to the woman before she left, was how she and Tom chose their apartment because of the escape tunnel she ran her through. The woman would have no idea Tom Keen is Christopher Hargrave unless it’s in the papers, but I highly doubt she’d turn to Scottie anyway. I think she’d rather turn to a known criminal than Halcyon - a company that holds contracts with the US government. Major is dead, which leaves Gina Zanetakos. 

Nothing is Katarina. Something is Rederina. Everything is Raymond.  Agnes: What's that? Liz: Nothing, honey. 

Anything is Agnes.

#Rederina #Anti-Tom Keen #Anti-Keen2 #Keenler baby theory

[alexninn]

So I got into a fandom headfirst again. Blame my lack of self-preservation. Anyway, I read this fic by @feoplepeel which is great and that I would recommend if you ship gravebone (all my firends are sinners take it slow in the distance. I blame my sis really).

#art #ocs #feoplepeel #margaret graves #fanart #loosely based on fbawtft #gravebone #so I'm finally out of finals which was a wildride which is why I needed to draw #so I drew this and now my right hand is falling off #I'm not use to composing pictures and stuff can you tell #especially backgrounds #also I ship this ship in a safe and consensual manner and in an able to consent manner (which means no underage) #ORIGINAL percival graves too #get the dead porcupine out of my face idc his intials are gg its bg #I actually drew a couple piece for the ship im not going to post because Im not entirely happy with them #also i blame my sister who dragged me into the trashpile with this shi #^so yeah you get the beautiful elodie and margaret #mmy drawing being based on another drawing youll find in the fic if you read it #have a chill night lads

[hari-writes]

Three Sides to the Story - Chapter 10

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Pairings: Adrien/Marinette Marinette/Chat Noir Summary: It’s been almost three years since Adrien Agreste walked out of Marinette’s life. An accidental meeting at a party starts a course of events that will either drive them together or further apart. Meanwhile, Plagg and Tikki have had enough of their holders’ indecision and obliviousness.

Read on A03

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

22nd March

It was the day of Marinette’s outfit modelling session and interview with Gabriel.  Adrien was trying to be cool, but she started the morning running her fingers through his blonde locks while talking to Elodie, the hairstylist, about how she’d like it to look. He tried desperately not to think about the last time Marinette’s hands were in his hair. It was a mercy that Elodie took him over to the mirror to style his hair while Cecile did his makeup.

The suit fit perfectly, of course. As Marinette’s expert hands ran over the lapels and smoothed out the shoulders, he couldn’t help but breathe in her perfume and remember last night. He closed his eyes and inhaled when her hair brushed close to his face. She smelled of roses and star anise. He watched as an absent-minded smile spread across her face while she tied a black silk bowtie around his neck. He saw her cheeks flush and she bit her lip, holding back a giggle.

Adrien ran the soft fabric of the jacket between his fingers, noticing the intricate stitching and attention to detail. He smiled to himself when he noticed that she had embroidered a tiny paw print next to her own name on the label; Cat Noir’s contribution to the process acknowledged when she signed her creation. As the photographer clicked away, catching as many angles as he could of the suit, Adrien strained to hear what the young designer was saying.

“The wool and mohair mix reflects the light differently to wool alone and gives a lightness to the overall look... I chose silk for the facing on the jacket and braiding on the trousers to give it further elegance… No, I decided that to keep the silhouette classic I wanted a peak lapel... The absence of vents was deliberate, to further the silhouette… Yes, the jacket is longer than the standard tuxedo jacket…  Because of the height of the model... Instead of a cumberbund, I opted for braces to modernise the look. They’re black with emerald green embellishment at the back to tie it into the rest of the outfit….”

Adrien could only hear snippets of Marinette’s side of the conversation, since his father had again opted to call into today’s interviews via video conference, but she sounded confident and was able to answer all of his father’s questions about her design.

She was a shoo-in for this internship, he knew. Of the four other candidates, two had cracked under the pressure and Adrien was sure that Marinette’s suit showed the most finesse. He realised with a jolt that if she did get it, they’d soon be working under the same roof.

“Bleurgh. Can you be less lovesick, please?” Plagg appeared behind Adrien’s shoulder. He had previously stayed close during these modelling sessions, all the better to make catty comments about the candidates, but today he disappeared as soon as Marinette arrived.

“Plagg!” He hissed, looking nervously to where Marinette was talking to his father. “Shhhh, I’m trying to listen to her.”

A blur of black whizzed, giggling, back to where Adrien and Marinette’s bags were leaning against the wall. He thought he saw Plagg phase into Marinette’s grey and pink messenger bag, but he was moving so quickly, it was probably a trick of the light.

“And tell me, Mlle. Dupain-Cheng, what was the inspiration behind the choice of colours on the detailing?” Adrien heard his father ask.

Marinette smiled sadly and her eyes dropped into her lap. She sighed, bit her lip and Adrien was sure she glanced in his direction for a split second before she looked back to the tablet with resolve.

“It was a nod to a ubiquitous Gabriel design element from, oh, seven years ago. I guess, somewhere in my subconscious, I have linked it to elegance, modernity and the embodiment of the Gabriel brand. In spite of my better judgement.”

“Our home lost its warmth that day, my dear. I’m truly sorry.” Gabriel said, his tone less formal than before. “I truly believe you are both different people now, I wonder if there���s room in that big heart of yours for forgiveness?”

What were they talking about?

“Forgiving isn’t an issue, M. Agreste, forgetting is.”

“I understand.” the kindly voice that apparently belonged to Gabriel replied. “If it helps, I think he regrets how he behaved.”

“You’re the third person to tell me that this week,” Marinette said with a smile. Her eyes darted to where Adrien stood eavesdropping. He was too slow to avoid her catching his gaze.

Adrien couldn’t hide his burning cheeks as Vincent digitally captured them for posterity.

»»————-————-««

The interview went as well as Marinette had hoped. She was able to justify all her design choices to Gabriel and he seemed impressed with her answers. As the day drew near, she’d been apprehensive about being in such close quarters with Adrien after all this time, nocturnal drunken visits notwithstanding, but last night’s moment with Cat Noir completely distracted her from her nerves.

Cat Noir had helped her with the fitting of the tuxedo. Without him, she’d have had to do numerous tweaks on the day, which would have been stressful. Thinking of the night Cat modelled her suit for her and, of course, the kiss last night was all she needed to focus on the task in hand and not be derailed by close proximity to Adrien.

Interview and photoshoot finished, all that was left for Marinette was to rehang her suit and package it up with her design drawings and photographs of the work in progress so that Gabriel could see the design process and judge the finished piece in person.

“Throw me the jacket and I’ll hang it up while you’re getting changed.” She called to Adrien.

He shrugged it off in one smooth movement (he’s done catwalk shows, she reminded herself) and tossed it casually towards her. “Thanks, Princess,” he said and winked.

She caught the jacket and hooked the hanger into the shoulders as he walked away. Straightening out any wrinkles before she placed it in the garment carrier, she caught the scent of Adrien’s cologne. Citrus, wood, ginger and geranium swirled into her olfactory system, it was familiar but failed to hit home. He must have changed his fragrance since… well.

★・・・・・★・・・・★・・・・・★

30th August - 2½ years ago

“Adrien. There’s nothing going on between me and Cat Noir! Why won’t you believe me?” Marinette implored. This outburst had come out of the blue and she felt sick at the implication.

“Really?! Because the last three times I’ve come round, he’s been leaving your terrace. What am I meant to think?” Adrien argued.

“Please, trust me, Adrien. Sometimes, he drops by to talk. That’s all. He loves ... someone else.” She sobbed. Even in the heat of an argument, she resolved to never give up Cat’s confidence - his love for Ladybug wasn’t hers to share.

“But, you have feelings for him. Why wouldn’t you? He’s a superhero.” Adrien countered.

Marinette stared at him, mouth open. Every word he spoke felt like it was bruising her heart.

“Why would you say such a thing? I love you.” she felt tears well up as she spoke. She reached for his hand but he rebuffed her.

“Then stop seeing him. Don’t invite him to rooftop dalliances and maybe I would trust you.” He pushed.

“I. Don’t. Invite. Him. He turns up. Do you want me to turn away a friend?” Her tone sharpened.

“Yes. If he really means nothing and you do love me like you say, it won’t be hard to do. Stop seeing him.” He said.

“After everything that’s happened this summer, everything we’ve... shared, are you really questioning my loyalty to you?” Marinette asked.

“You’ve done nothing to prove I can trust you.” He sneered.

There was venom in those words and Marinette almost wondered if Adrien had been akumatised. Except, he hadn’t, this was all coming from him. There were no supervillains to blame.

Just two days earlier, she had given herself to him completely, showing him her trust and devotion. She thought he felt the same way.

And yet, her thoughtful, charming Adrien had transformed before her eyes into a snarling jealous monster and now he was telling her who she could and couldn’t speak to. If he knew the whole truth, how would he react? If Adrien knew that Cat Noir wasn’t just her friend, but her partner and trusted accomplice? That she fought side-by-side with him, put her life in his hands on a regular basis?

If he couldn’t handle her friendship with Cat Noir as Marinette, he could never accept her as Ladybug.

“You did not just give me an ultimatum, Adrien Agreste. You either trust me or you don’t. It’s that simple. It’s clear to me which one you’ve chosen.” Marinette’s face hardened.

“And it’s clear that you’ve chosen Cat Noir over me,” Adrien said.

“Come back when you’ve grown up, Adrien.” She snapped and turned away.

That was when Adrien Agreste stormed out of Marinette’s apartment, and out of her life.

#ml fic #ml fanfic #my fiction #my writing #miraculous ladybug #adrienette #marinette x adrien #marinette x chat noir #oh adrien why so jealous? #a03 fic #Three Sides to the Story #tikki and plagg

[therollyjodger]

The Memories We Shared (Chapter 1)

Synopsis -  Killian Jones is awaiting a life-saving kidney transplant. Before he goes into theatre, he writes two letters. One, to his three children. And the other, to his wife, containing his favourite memories of the life they shared together.

Rating - Mature

Also available on: A03 ff.net 

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Beep Beep Beep.

The sound of the clock and the sounds of the machine next to him were the only things clouding Killian’s mind. You would think that because he was in hospital and awaiting a transplant, that he would be nervous. But he wasn’t. Not for that anyway.

Killian looked over at the bedside table at the pen and the pad of paper that he had requested over an hour ago. But how do you begin to write a letter to your kids telling them everything they need to know in life? How to do you begin to tell your wife how much you love her in just one letter? How can you make everything alright when there’s a possibility you may never wake up again?

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Killian grunted as he reached over to grab the paper and the pen. As his fingers grasped them, he could hear footsteps entering his room behind him, alerting him that he was no longer alone.

“Mr Jones. What are you doing?” Doctor Whale said as he reached the hospital bed. “You can’t overwork yourself. Your body is extremely fragile at the moment.”

“I’m getting paper and a bloody pen mate” Killian replied, and his body relaxed again as he sat back against the soft, welcoming pillows that drew in his body. Killian’s eyes drifted to the pen and paper once more, and took a deep breathe in, before he felt brave enough to speak again. “Is it nearly time?”

“Yes.” Doctor Whale said as he sat down on Killian’s bed. “The kidney is being transported here as we speak. The nurses will come in and get you ready for surgery soon. Do you have any last minute questions? …. Sorry ‘last minute.’ Wrong choice of words. Killian, you’ll be fine. I’ve done this operation hundreds of times before.”

“You and I both know that you can’t say that I’ll be fine. Because some people go into that theatre, they put the mask on and never wake up again.” Killian stopped and looked out of the window of his hospital room overlooking the city below.

“Is she coming?” Whale asked after what felt like minutes later, however in reality, it was only a few short seconds.

“Aye. She’s getting the kids and taking them to her parents house. She should be here.”

“We can’t wait Killian. We need to be ready for when the—”

“She’ll be here.” Killian stubbornly said. He picked up the pen and pressed it to the paper, signalling to Doctor Whale that the conversation was over. “We had an argument this morning. It was stupid, my own fault.” Killian paused.

“We have to be ready for when the kidney arrives Killian. I’ll try calling her.”

Being ill makes any relationship difficult. Being ill, awaiting a transplant that will save your life, while trying to juggle a healthy relationship with your wife and with three children all under the age of 8 makes life that little bit more difficult. When Killian was diagnosed with kidney disease a few years back, he knew that it would put a strain on his relationship with Emma. But what he didn’t know, was exactly how much.

When Killian’s mind drifted from the depths of his mind back to the room, he noticed that once again, he was alone. He picked up the pen and paper and began to write.

 Liam, Ellie and Elodie,

My three beautiful children. The love you brought me compares to no other.

I don’t know how to write this in a way that you’ll understand, but I hope that one day, you will.

It was never my choice to leave you so early. If I could have my own way, I’d be here, with you and your mother, forever. I wanted to watch you all grow up. I wanted to take you, Liam, to your first soccer game. I wanted to take you, Ellie and Elodie, to school on your first day. I wanted to be there when you all meet your ‘true love’. I wanted to be there when you get married and have children. I wanted to be there, by your sides, forever.

Please remember that I’ll always love you. And that I’ll be alive in your hearts, forever. Liam, look after your sisters and your mother. Girls, make sure Liam doesn’t get into too much trouble.

It’s not goodbye, but it’s until we meet again.

Love,

Daddy.

 Emma,

My beautiful wife. The love of my life.

There’s nothing that I can say that will ease your pain and suffering. Just know that I love you and that I’ll be guiding you through the hardships that will follow.

You are an amazing mother to our three, beautiful children. I know that it’ll be tough, but you are strong enough Emma. You can do this.

I promised you on our wedding day that I will love you for all eternity. And I intend to keep that promise.

We’ve had a good life together Swan. You can me, taking on the world together. I’ll treasure the memories we shared forever….

Okay so I think you guys should get the general gist of what this story is about. The following chapters will contain the memories that Killian cherishes the most which are the ones he's decided to include in his goodbye letter to Emma.

Transplants are something very near to my heart. In 2016, my aunt received a life saving liver transplant. She was weeks away from loosing her life. Unfortunately, her disease will come back and will start attacking her new liver again, but for now, she's here and she's getting to watch her three young children grow up. I took the writing letters to your loved ones from her. Months before her transplant, she sat and wrote her goodbye letters to her children and husband. She's always said how that was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. If you take anything away from this, please just consider becoming an organ doner. Because of my Aunt and what she's had to go through for years on end, I have now registered to be an organ doner. Because at the end of the day, when I'm no longer here and I no longer need my organs, I'd much rather give the gift of life to someone else's Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle or Friend.

Thank you.

#captain swan #fanfiction #cs ff #captain swan fanfiction #ouat #once upon a time #ouat ff #ouat fanfiction #therollyjodger #therollyjodger ff #therollyjodger fanfiction #emma swan #killian jones #the memories we shared

[reactingtosomething]

Kris Reacts to The Defenders (cont’d)

"For Whatever It’s Worth, I’m Glad You’re Here.”

Find my off-the-cuff mini-Reactions to the first five episodes of The Defenders here. A full-sized Reaction with some others may be forthcoming later in the week. SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP for the rest of the season. Some non-spoilery, mostly Daredevil-related thoughts first.

I feel even more strongly than before that to get very much out of The Defenders, you really should watch both seasons of Daredevil. There are for sure lots of quality Jessica-Luke moments, don’t get me wrong, and in the unlikely event that your favorite Defender show is Iron Fist, Colleen Wing gets a surprising amount to do. But the most important non-Defender characters, including significant villains, are from Daredevil’s supporting cast.

I love Matt Murdock (although not as much as Caroline loves Matt Murdock), but he has got to stop referring to New York (or is it just Hell’s Kitchen, or Manhattan? I’ve never been sure) as “my city.” Especially when Daredevil never really gave us a sense of what either the Kitchen in particular or NYC in general means to him. In fact, I’d love a moratorium on all superheroes referring to “My City,” especially if we rarely see them interacting with the people and places of “their” cities in meaningful, specific civilian capacities. The bar here is set by Luke Cage, which in two episodes does more to flesh out Harlem than the entirety of either Daredevil or Jessica Jones (which are otherwise the best entries in the Defenders series) did for Hell’s Kitchen.

The Defenders shares a composer, John Paesano, with Daredevil. This is not surprising, as these shows also share showrunners, Douglas Petrie and Marco Ramirez (who were producer-writers under Drew Goddard and later Steven DeKnight in Daredevil s1). What is surprising is how much I like the music in these shows. It’s pretty melody-light, and vaguely “atmospheric,” and there’s a lot of repetitive percussion, which all taken together is generally a style that annoys me. But what usually annoys me about that style is that it’s intended to blend into the background, to not really be noticed at all. And Paesano’s music, while it isn’t always super prominent in the sound mix or anything, uses simple but still hummable leitmotifs that -- even if in your experience their overall impression is to blend in -- can be recognized as very Of This Show. In other words, unlike many movies that have melody-light or even effectively melody-less scores, often with aggressive percussion, things scored by Paesano actually have musical identities (including Mass Effect: Andromeda, whose musical identity is probably the second-best thing about it, after combat).

Take the first music we hear in season 2 of Daredevil, “The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen”:

At first this seems like it’s just gonna be generic chasing-and-punching music, from literally any post-Bourne action franchise, but around 1:14, the ostinato that’s the backbone of the title theme kicks in. It’s much faster than in the titles, but instantly recognizable. Even if you don’t consciously recognize it in the moment, you probably feel a distinctly Daredevil vibe. It goes away again for a bit as the action of the scene ends, but returns as we see Matt (relatively) clearly for the first time in the season, a devil perched on a chapel.

This music from the climactic fight of the s2 finale, “They Have Nothing Now,” is another good example, riffing on both the ostinato and the main melody that starts about 18 seconds into the title theme.

Contrast this with the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, which do have a melodic instrumental theme, but which you almost certainly don’t associate with the movies or the characters. Partly this is because it’s just OK, but mostly it’s because what anyone remembers about those soundtracks are the needle drops of the Awesome Mixes. Don’t get me wrong, the Awesome Mixes are cool and all. But they also consist of music that most people would not specifically or exclusively associate with Guardians. Weirdly, the same composer worked on Atomic Blonde, which takes a similar approach to its music. This always seems to me like a missed opportunity. It’s like your movie or your show is somehow incomplete. What is Star Wars without John Williams? Or Batman: The Animated Series without Shirley Walker, 30 Rock without Jeff Richmond, Battlestar Galactica without Bear McCreary, Game of Thrones without Ramin Djawadi? What is Wonder Woman’s No Man’s Land without “No Man’s Land”? 

Anyway, all this to say that I’m a weirdo who REALLY LOVES A LOT that when a character briefly plays an instrument late in The Defenders, what they play is the show’s simple, vaguely Danny Elfman-esque title theme, rather than some overused classical piece.

Moving on... spoilers below!

There’s a lot about The Defenders that doesn’t work, and we’ll get to some of it. But unexpectedly, what’s stuck with me -- perhaps its single greatest achievement -- is that after the shitshow of his solo series, it renders Danny Rand pretty likable. Or at least, much easier to empathize with, much more often, than in Iron Fist.

In episode 6 when he’s tied up and Luke is babysitting, Luke (sarcastically) asks him to recount again the story of how he earned the Iron Fist by punching a dragon in the heart. Danny has a very bad sarcasm radar, and complies, and Luke has to remind him that he doesn’t give a shit or even really believe him (EVEN AFTER ALL THE WEIRD SHIT THAT’S HAPPENED). And Danny gives this sigh that back in Iron Fist I probably would’ve found petulant and childish. It does still feel, for lack of a better word, very young here. But I also found myself honestly feeling bad for the guy. He’s trying so hard, and in episode 4 he was the only one who (this is crucial) like the audience was rooting for the team to be a team, yet everyone keeps treating him like an annoying little sibling. Also, he’s telling the truth, he’s been telling the truth since he got back to New York (admittedly in the least persuasive ways possible at the start of Iron Fist), and since he got back to New York almost no one has believed him. And finally there comes the one guy in The Defenders who doesn’t have to believe Danny because he knows that Danny’s telling the truth: Stick. But then Stick is the one who wants to take Danny off the board at the top of episode 6, pulling the rug out from under him just when it seemed he had an all-in ally and even a potential mentor (something he realized he still needed very badly late in Iron Fist). This can’t be a fun place.

So that sigh actually carried some decent emotional weight for me. All the more because Luke immediately realized he’d genuinely hurt Danny’s feelings, and not just “get over yourself, you privileged white boy” feelings but “this is a central part of his identity that I’m mocking mercilessly” feelings.

Now, to be clear, Danny is an annoying little sibling. But Iron Fist never really recognized this, because it wanted Danny to be an imposing, menacing badass when what it needed him to be -- what The Defenders makes him -- is sweetly goofy and eager-to-please, a puppy who just happens to also be a trained killing machine. Danny’s the kind of guy that the cast of Leverage would call “adorable” with equal parts condescension and fondness, the kind of guy about whom you might say “bless his heart” and actually kind of mean it.

It should surprise no one who knows me well that despite all of the above, I Extremely Approve of Elektra pretty easily outclassing Danny in their fight at the end of episode 7, Iron Fist or no Iron Fist. 

But as Caroline mentions in her thoughts on her Patreon (and as she discussed in her Daredevil s2 reviews), it’s never super clear what it means for Elektra to be “the Black Sky.” For that matter it’s still unclear (though more deliberately) what the full potential extent of Danny’s Iron Fist powers is. And I think The Defenders could’ve gotten a lot more mileage out of parallels between Danny and Elektra as “living weapons.”

In general I’d hoped, perhaps foolishly, for a lot more from Elektra than we got. I didn’t have any problems with the acting, to be clear; I’m basically in love with Elodie Yung, entirely on the strength of her absurdly charismatic performance in Daredevil. But because Elektra doesn’t come back to life with her memories, Yung has to spend most of The Defenders keeping that charisma locked away, until a Plot Twist (Elektra killing Alexandra!) that I’m not convinced entirely works. I went along with it wholeheartedly anyway because it meant Yung got to unleash her full powers again. Or it would’ve been her full powers, if there’d been a lot more time to flesh out exactly what and who Elektra 3.0 is. 

We get a complete-ish answer by the end of the show, when it becomes clear that Elektra not only has her memories of Matt back but is still in love with him. But this is a character whose main challenge in her first life was that she was never permitted to figure out for herself what she wanted to do with that life, and “hijack the Hand’s plan to return to K’un Lun, and more importantly become immortal” -- though immortality certainly makes sense as a thing Elektra would want -- doesn’t come close to concretely addressing the ultimately relatable existential crisis (what is my place in the world?) that she faced in Daredevil. 

Sigourney Weaver is able to sell a desire for immortality as Alexandra Reid’s overriding concern because we meet her getting a (vaguely defined) terminal disease diagnosis, and because we spend a lot of time with Alexandra dwelling on her physical fragility and on her concerns about legacy. Yung’s Elektra doesn’t have that way in, and the writers don’t have the time or space in the last act of the season to do more than gesture broadly at Elektra’s desire to finally decide her own destiny. I think the reason this doesn’t land as well as it ought to is that it’s framed as a Villain Monologue, delivered to Danny, a character with whom she doesn’t have history. She doesn’t have this conversation with Stick (she just stabs him), and worse, she doesn’t really have it with Matt outside the chaos of a fight scene, though at least they get that last (?) kiss.

There’s a lot of lazy dialogue in The Defenders, especially in the finale, though thankfully these actors for whom we have a lot of banked affection just about pull it off. The last line of the cold open -- Luke’s “let’s go do something crazy” -- is... just kind of there? Which is a weird choice for the first big punctuation mark in the climactic chapter of this crossover event. He could’ve said that at basically any other point of the show; this should have been a line he could only say at this moment. 

Trish’s “Jess is a good friend speech” to Karen is not great. It’s not awful, either, but it’s not all that specific: Jess doesn’t do any of the things most of us in the real world ask our friends to do, “but when it comes to the real stuff, the stuff that’ll last forever...” What is that stuff? That Trish is interrupted by Malcolm and Foggy with some Bad News feels a little like the writers just didn’t know how to finish that sentence. How exactly are Matt and Jessica good friends? Yeah yeah yeah, they save your life, cool, standard superhero. But what’s the last time Matt in particular was 100 percent emotionally there for you? I do remember Jess and Trish’s friendship being my favorite part of Jessica Jones, but it’s been almost two years and some details would’ve been nice. 

Actively bad is the exchange that ends this scene: “That was the epicenter.” “Of what?” “Everything.” That’s just -- come on. That’s nowhere near as profound as it seems to want to be. That Midland was the epicenter of the earthquake is PLENTY to convey to the others that “ohhhhh that WASN’T a natural earthquake and shit’s about to go down.” In the abstract, “EVERYTHING” may sound more important than “the earthquake.” But the latter was a major inciting incident of The Defenders, and because none of these characters actually knows all of the other pieces the Defenders themselves are concerned with, the specificity of the earthquake is what should have been prized.

(In general, though, I did love that Karen and Trish got a scene together.) 

Luckily the best lines -- or at least, the best line readings -- of the episode come in the scene immediately afterward:

JESS: If you’d told me a week ago that I’d be here, with you two, about to blow up some building and fight ninjas to save New York... LUKE: (sigh) MATT: (chuckle) For whatever it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here. JESS: What? MATT: No, circumstances could be better, I’m just saying, you know -- I’m glad we found each other. LUKE: I’m not hugging you. MATT: (resigned sigh) JESS: You guys ready or what? LUKE: No. MATT: ...No. JESS: Sounds about right.

The sheer endearing-ness and tonal perfection of this moment is hard to convey in writing. Charlie Cox’s delivery of Matt’s “No” in particular is just terrifically world-weary. The other thing I need to say about this scene is that I identify a weird amount with Matt’s series-long resistance to the team culminating in a belated moment of emotional openness, only for him to be met with the realization that the emotional availability of others doesn’t work on his schedule. 

It’s possible I’m reading way too much into this. After all, I also identify with Luke’s resistance to hugging it out.

(My favorite dialogue in the show is probably still the “Are those pork?”-through-“God, you’re weird” exchange of episode 4.)

Another dialogue thing that stood out to me in the finale was the repeated trope of The Moment I Saw You.

Elektra, to Matt: “We’re together. Something I’ve wanted since I first laid eyes on you.”

Claire, to Foggy, about Matt: “But there was no talking him down. He had his mind made up the day I met him.”

This isn’t remotely unique to The Defenders, but it is a trope I tend to find annoying. I don’t think I believe in love at first sight, is probably part of my problem here, and I guess I get it if your mileage varies on that particular account. But it also feels lazy that it happens twice in a relatively narrow span of time, and about the same character, no less. Arguably more importantly, this is -- I know I lean on variations of this word a lot -- such an unspecific thing to say, in a show that had SO MUCH specificity at its disposal in the solo series. Why “since I first laid eyes on you” rather than a callback to something Matt said that night, or to their Sexy Sparring Session? Why “the day I met him” rather than a reference to Claire stitching Matt back together, or finding Matt in a literal dumpster?

(I liked that Claire and Foggy got an “our mutual friend” scene, but as others have said, it’s super weird that Claire and Matt never had a moment.)

There’s probably also something to say here about destiny and purpose, which ties into Elektra and Danny, and into the formation of the team itself, but again the show didn’t really make the time for that. I'm absolutely not suggesting that they needed 13 episodes -- I just don’t think they really managed their time well -- but with so many characters to serve, maybe 10 would’ve been interesting? To give Elektra a more robust arc post-Alexandra, if nothing else?

(About Alexandra -- I read some reviews to the effect that Sigourney Weaver held the first few episodes of The Defenders together through sheer force of will and Sigourney Weaver-ness, but I did not feel that way at all. I mean I thought she was very good, but the writing mostly wasn’t deep or clever enough for her to take the character of Alex anywhere near the level of Cottonmouth or Kilgrave or Wilson Fisk, and I think this “Sigourney Weaver is the best thing about The Defenders” take was mostly wishful projection on the part of people who know her corpus much better than I do. I’ve seen Alien but not Aliens; #sorrynotsorry.)

I did love that both in the premiere and the finale, Luke got to call back to Pop’s “Forward” mantra, without repeating the full “Forward always, always forward.” It was a nice way to show that Pop’s philosophy is thoroughly a part of him now, and that -- unlike Jessica, the person he’s with for the second callback -- he’s really deliberately thinking about his future.

I also liked, or wanted to like, that Jessica said maybe they could get coffee, but I wasn’t entirely sure what was intended by this. See, in Luke Cage, “coffee” turns out to be a euphemism Luke uses for sex, or at least a one-night stand.  But he’s with Claire now, which may be a reason he doesn’t deliver the established winking response from his own show: “I don’t drink coffee.” (Misty said it to him back then; he replied, “Neither do I.” I don’t think Luke not drinking coffee was a thing in Jessica Jones, and even if it was, it would totally be in character for Jess not to remember.) Apart from the lack of a callback response, my uncertainty comes from “we should get coffee” almost inevitably meaning, in my experience, “we are definitely not going to make the effort to get coffee,” even if we’re both totally sincere about wanting to catch up, which seems like a relatable social phenomenon Jess would snark about. 

To backtrack a bit -- that big fight scene in episode 7, against Gao and Bakuto and Murakami? It was... not shot well. Way too claustrophobic, and at least by the high standards of Daredevil, way too choppily edited. Most of the fights in The Defenders were underwhelming -- really missed Philip Silvera’s work -- but that one in particular stood out as a mess. (Caroline remarked that it’s a shame the fighting styles of the team aren’t better differentiated, at least in the show’s latter half; this is particularly true for Matt and Danny. It’s interesting that although Finn Jones is overall much better at the action here than he was in Iron Fist, the fights in The Defenders do lose a fair bit of the wushu character that previously distinguished his hand techniques, at least, from Matt’s.)

Anyway, I could probably say more -- I’m particularly sorry I haven’t done justice to the Jessica-Luke dynamic, or to the Daughters of the Dragon -- but I’ve lost most semblance of a train of thought here, so I’ll stop. I do recommend checking out all of Caroline's Random Thoughts, and, as always, the episode reviews over at The AV Club. (As of this writing the AVC is currently on episode 5.)

Though I did want a lot more from The Defenders in a lot of ways, as with the pretty strange and uneven Age of Ultron it was still a lot of fun to spend time with these characters, both alone and together. This was very much a show that did not manage to be more than the sum of its parts, but at least many of those parts were very pleasant. And frankly, I’m glad the run of episodes 6 through 8 was the last thing I watched this weekend, rather than the trainwreck (Tormund banter, zombie burning, and Dany’s winter wardrobe notwithstanding) that was this season’s penultimate episode of Game of Thrones.

I’m also cautiously optimistic about the possibility of a Luke Cage-Iron Fist team-up show, and to a lesser extent even -- I can’t believe I’m gonna say this -- the next solo season of Iron Fist (which will have a new showrunner -- Scott Buck is helming Inhumans, something about which I have strong feelings that we just can’t get into right now -- and add Simone Missick’s Misty Knight to its roster). If that’s not an endorsement, I don’t know what is.

#The Defenders #Daredevil #Jessica Jones #Luke Cage #Iron Fist #John Paesano #Matthew Murdock #Danny Rand #Elektra Natchios #Charlie Cox #Krysten Ritter #Mike Colter #Finn Jones #Elodie Yung #Kris's Type? #Strong Soundtrack Opinions #reaction #Kris #TV #superheroes

[scurvgirl]

Queen of the Stone, Part 4

Read on AO3, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

She has been a Grey Warden for eleven years, and the taint is beginning to consume her. She needs to find a cure soon. So Elodie Amell sets out in search and finds herself in the city thought long-lost, Kal-Sharok. There she discovers something much bigger than just a cure for the taint running through her body.

A companion story to my other story, In Your Gaze I Wish to Stay, but this can be read separately!

Beyond the Veil

They reach the Titan.

The home of the Titan as Karega called it so poetically, was gargantuan. Elodie could see no end in sight to the vast expanse before her and she wondered exactly how far it really did extend into the earth.

They stepped onto the bridge leading out to one of the smaller rock and building outcroppings. Where they would go from there…she wasn’t entirely sure. If this was the home of the Titan, shouldn’t things be happening? Shouldn’t she feel it or have some clue as to where it was? She reached out with her magic to tentatively feel the condition of the Veil, concerned that whatever battles that clearly had happened centuries ago had weakened it.

The Veil rippled easily, carrying the small burst of energies across its wavelengths. The Fade pulled then pushed against the Veil, snapping at Elodie like a band. She retracted her magic quickly, hissing at the electricity in her hand.

Pritte paused and tilted his head to the side, “Everything all right, El?”

“Uh, yes. Just…the barrier between our world and the Fade is…not thin, per se, but volatile. I’ve never felt something quite like this before,” she explained. Pritte raised his eyebrows at her and looked at the vast expanse before them.

“That’s not reassuring, Long Legs,” Karega called.

“What results in such a change?” Pritte asked.

“Battles, places where a great number of people have died, or there were lots of magical energies coalescing together are all found to thin the Veil. But this feels…different. Yes, there is a thinness to it, but there is also a defensiveness.”

“You speak as though this is a living creature.”

Elodie shrugged, “It…certainly unique. Perhaps it’s like lyrium, a certain magical carrier but also…more?” It was pure speculation but she knew that lyrium and the Fade were definitely connected.

And while it was interesting to speculate on, she did not have the energy or time to spend on it. Elodie followed Karega and Effir to the building on the other side of the bridge.

“I assume we need to go down?” She said.

“That…seems right,” Effir replied, cocking their head to the side. Elodie furrowed her brow.

“Seems?”

“The Stone feels different here, it’s so potent that it’s hard to pick out a direction to walk in,” Pritte said.

“This is where Gurendar took his fall,” Karega said. Her voice was quiet and silencing as they turned to watch her. There was no hint of weakness in her, no extreme display of emotion – just her and her armor and gear. She looked out down at the mist covered depths of the cavern, her face blank.

“The Titan is down there; we just need to figure out how to get there.” Karega stepped away from the ledge and headed down a spiral staircase in the center of the room. The rest of them followed, Pritte lagging behind somewhat as he tried to jot as much information as he could down.

When they reached the bottom, they came to another bridge. The far side of which was obscured by the mist. The hair on the back of Elodie’s neck prickled – something wasn’t quite right. Lyrium buzzed in the air and there was a high pitched keening in Elodie’s ears, ringing before clear sound gave way.

You’re here?

Elodie blinked and fortified her mind. Spirits could and did often lurk even in the deepest of places. She had resisted them all before, she was not going to ruin that record now just because of sleep deprivation. She had survived worse.

The ringing cut off and they began to move across the bridge.

You are not alone! Please listen – No! She was not listening to this spirit! She blinked and trudged forward. She had ignored the spirits and the Archdemon, she could ignore this. Except her head was beginning to ring and feel fuzzy.

The only way was forward.

They were half way across the bridge when she noticed Pritte was lagging behind, caught at some interesting railing of the bridge.

“Pritte! Come on!” She gestured for him to keep up, to follow the walkway to the side of the building. They were now pressed against the side of one of the rock outcroppings. Pritte gathered his things and hurried along to get in front of Elodie now.

A glowing dart suddenly split through the air and landed right beside his head. Pritte screamed in shock and stumbled back, about to tip back into the chasm when Elodie waved her staff up and sent him back up on the walk way and into the wall of rock. He fell on his butt no less for wear, but Karega growled at the bolt and yanked it down.

She began to shout at the void in dwarven, though it was unclear if there was anyone there. Pritte listened to her and blanched before launching himself up and began to shout in what…sounded vaguely different from her speech. His tone was much more placating, beseeching than her angry tirade.

Elodie cast a simple barrier around them, regardless.

“I think…we should move,” she whispered, feeling unease suddenly take root in her stomach. They had to move, had to…get away from this place. She looked up at the pulsing lyrium above her head.

Yes, that, they should follow that.

The lyrium was so blue, so pure, untouched and untainted by all around it. Her hand reached up, touching its smooth exterior. She gasped and a loud screech filled the chasm.

The lyrium at her finger tips turned red and she jerked it away. No, red is bad. The color disappeared as quickly as it appeared but the cavern shook, groaned.

“MOVE!” Elodie shouted just in time for a cloud of bolts to suddenly appear in the fog. She drew up a barrier, stopping them and then high tailed it with the others down the spiraling walk way. More and more bolts appeared and she brought the barrier back, but it was exhausting work, she maybe had two more of these in her before she had to stop due to pain and exhaustion.

Sleep. She hadn’t slept in thirty-three hours.

They pushed forward faster, her long legs carrying her faster than her dwarven counterparts, but she was unwilling to leave them.

You do not need them.

They will not be harmed.

Leave them now.

Run to us.

We will welcome you.

Elodie Yvetta Amell.

Come.

Her vision went white for a moment as the invasive thoughts trickled into her brain. She should outrun the dwarves. Leave them behind.

NO! She could resist this, just like she resisted the Archdemon ten years ago in the Dead Trenches.

We are no Archdemon.

We simply wish to talk.

Every demon says that, and she wasn’t falling for it. She could hear the demon of Pride in her head, whispering to her about true tests never ending. It was right, temptation for a mage was never absent – but resistance…that was their true strength.

Another hailstorm of bolts launched themselves at her group and she brought up a wall of fire, incinerating their attempts. They were not such easy prey.

Elodie –

No, that was enough. She was done listening to the voices in her head.

The rock beneath and around them shook as a hole was suddenly blown apart behind them. Elodie’s eyes widened in shock as she saw…dwarves emerge from the hole, their bodies glowing brightly with lyrium.

Karega growled more dwarven profanities, readying her axe. Effir and Pritte took their stances and another shockwave sounded through the space. This time from around the bend of the outcropping, closing them in. She took a deep breath, she had faced worse odds, she had taken down an Archdemon, she had battled through the deep roads, and she had slain giants.

She opened a lyrium philter on her belt and tossed it back before driving the end of her staff into the stone above their heads.

A gasp escaped her. There were…spirits…in the stone. Sleeping, ancient spirits.

Help us? She pleaded, letting out a burst of her own radiating spirit healing energy. They sighed and the stone moved. It parted on a great thunderous crack and began to slip down away from the dwarves and down the outcropping.

Karega, Pritte, and Effir screamed as she jolted the slab of rock down and into the pit of fog. More stone blew up and the attacking dwarves began to scale the rock down after them.

“Pritte, give me the throwing axes,” Karega demanded and promptly began to throw axes at the crossbow bearers. One landed soundly in the skull and the dwarf stuttered and fell off into the void. The others did not stop however, as they advanced on Elodie and her group’s position.

Faster, she urged the boulder and then jerked her staff, changing direction to shoot up at a diagonal, spiraling around the stalagmite. It slammed into some of the dwarves, creaking, grinding, groaning as it blasted by against the grain of the rock. But she pushed it, feeling the old spirits wraps themselves around her body and imbue her with new energy.

She was a mage specialized in spirits, after all.

They whispered to her, old names and old things that she barely heard over the cacophony of battle. But they were joyous to be finally awake and…freed? Yes, freed.

The other…things tried to whisper to her as well, but she focused on her task to get her people safe. She jerked her staff again, going down and then sharply back up, using the stone as a battering ram. She would lose energy for this soon, however, if she did not find a solution….

Ah. Solution.

She launched the rock up back to the walkway. She urged her dwarves up onto it then turned back to their attackers, quickly following them. She touched the stone again and pulled out another spirit, this one bigger and brighter, sighing happily as it’s released from its stone prison.

How thin must the Veil be down here? She wondered, for the spirit to emerge from the stone and wrap its wispy body around Elodie, sinking its power deep within her.

Thank you, it said before they turned and raised a hand, freeing the…hundreds of spirits from their stone prisons, floating out and knocking back the dwarves into the abyss.

Elodie collapsed as the spirits left her, almost singing in their harmony as she felt the Veil waver and split.

Magic suffused the air and the cavern trembled in response. Spirits flooded, then receded, came back and then receded into the Fade, content with the equilibrium suddenly found.

The lyrium suddenly glowed brighter and she felt the voice in her head boom.

Free!

Free!

Finally free!

The song returns!

We’re Free!

So many voices, clouding her head, judgement, she couldn’t –

She staggered to stand up, Karega reached out, Effir called out a warning, but it was too late.

Elodie hit the edge of the rock and tipped back, falling into the depths.

Spirits continued to whoosh by her as their thoughts and the thoughts of the Titan, she thought, invaded her mind. Fear and confusion were rampant but not directed at her impending doom as she plummeted down…down…

Down, until the air changed and she was suddenly suspended up by the air. She dropped again when the air suddenly stopped. She screamed and the air resumed. Then cut off. And bit by bit she seemed to…be lowered to the depths until her feet touched solid ground and she fell with an “oomph!”

Still unsure she was alive, she remained on the ground, surrounded by warm fog. What…just happened?

Elodie had lived through many weird things. From being sent into the Fade and fighting other people’s nightmares to meeting a walking-talking demon possessed corpse to meeting an intelligent darkspawn…she had seen much, done more, and had learned a long time ago to expect the unexpected, and above all, if you think it’s too weird to happen, it will happen.

But this took the cake.

She was at…the bottom. The very lowest she felt she and the stone could go. The source of the air that had buoyed her up was conspicuously absent as the fog parted and a slimmer than average dwarven man strode forward. His white hair was long to the point of nearly reaching the ground, his eyes a brilliant blue from lyrium and his skin glowed blue with lyrium infused blood.

He was…beautiful, though, with a smile that seemed to wrap warmth around her.

“Be welcome, Elodie Amell, Hero of Ferelden.” His voice rang out clearly, though heavily accented. She trembled as she recognized his voice from earlier, except now it wasn’t in her head, but it filled the space all around her still.

“You were trying to convinced me to run ahead.”

He nodded, “Yes, I wished to speak to you about removing the seals placed around this place to allow the Titan to awaken fully. But apparently that was unnecessary.” He smiled again and her heart dropped. What did she do? She helped awaken the creature that was potentially killing her? Driving her mad to keep her down her the entire time like…

“You’re Gurendar,” she whispered and he nodded.

“I am. Or was. I am…what is the word in common? Chosen? …Checked? No, no…Champion. That is the word, Champion of the Titan, now. Though that title does not carry the same weight in your tongue as it does in mine.” He cocked his head to the side and strode closer, offering her a hand to stand up. She declined and rose herself, unwilling to put more pressure on her lyrium burns.

“We thought you dead.”

“That is a logical conclusion for what Karega saw. But as you can see, I am very much alive…just like you are. Just like the Sha-Brytol you forced off of the cliffs.”

Her eyes widened.

“Your friends will not be harmed. And as for why you are here…the Titan is not your enemy. We do not seek to harm you or our children. That is not why we called you.”

The obvious question tickled her tongue, but she couldn’t speak, just watch in strange fascination as he moved about the space, the fog briefly obscured his figure, only for him to appear once again, hands behind his back.

“We called you because we needed someone with magic to break the seal, to release those that kept us bound for all these millennia. We rejoiced when we felt you enter Kal-Sharok. And we tried to communicate with you but…it seems our methods have not improved. We apologize for the discomfort.” His voice was like a lullaby, soothing and warm, lulling her into a sense of complacency when she knew better.

“Those visions…what were they?” She asked and his face fell into a hard expression.

“To explain what happened, to tell you why it was so important for you to come, but it seems that those who are not of the Stone do not comprehend as well.” He did not elaborate any more, but began to walk away from her. Cursing inwardly, Elodie followed him until he stopped and looked up. The fog obscured everything but she could the faint glow of lyrium, bright and pure and singing in the center.

“We are old. And we have power. There are those in this world who will do anything for power and view it as a commodity to be had by themselves alone. But that is not the case. What was not be yours never will be, and trying to take it will only warp it into something unrecognizable. Give me your hand.” He held his own out and she looked at it for a long time.

There was…sorrow here. Spirits trapped for millennia, and this man was called as she had been. They were alive and she suspected that it was due to the Titan. Whatever it was, whatever plan it had, it didn’t appear malicious as so much as directing in a very clear manner.

She placed her hand in his. He raised it up to the glowing sphere of lyrium, and she expected the burn but all that came were visions of what was. Tears slipped down her face and she cried in shock, “No.”

A beautiful, tall elven woman walked through the Deep Roads, the tails of her armor billowing behind her in great bloody swaths of part magic part fabric. Hundreds of elves followed her, and for everyone that was clad in elegant, bloodied armor, there were ten more chained and crying as they descended into the deep.

The roads were pristine then all sharp and new carvings. But here they were tarnished the blood of the Children of the Stone, their bodies lining the halls.

And the woman laughed, smiling and happy as she strode past them all. Foreign words slipped past her lips that Elodie distantly recognized. Anger suffused the image and she felt the earth shake around the elves as skrimmers, Crestals, and deepstalkers flooded the chambers.

When she spoke next, Elodie did recognize the words.

“Is this the might of the dwarves? The force of the Titan? How pitiful.” The slaughter was not quick as she delighted in maiming, cutting, and inflicting torture upon the poor creatures.

She cut a great swath of red and blood to the Titan, and finally she stood before the Champion of the Titan, a great hero clad in lyrium infused armor, their axe raised high.

“You are nothing before my will!” She cried and turned back, barking an order back to her troops.

Holders of the slaves reached down, unsheathed blades and drew them across the throats of the slaves, blood running down their bodies. Magic poured out of the elves and into the woman before the Champion.

The Champion cried out and Elodie felt the fear and the anger, the distress at seeing so much blood, so much death. Needless. Wrong.

How could someone do this?

They charged the woman, raising their axe high as she directed the magic into them, past their armor and into the body, sinking deep and around their heart.

They screamed, fighting the control as she whispered commands, dark things, to them.

“You are mine. This is all mine. How dare you attempt to keep it away from me.”

But the Champion fought and lunged forward to hack into her only to have one of her followers take the blow for her. He gasped, sputtered, fell into the void to die.

No. Needless death.

What does this sacrifice bring but destruction?

The magic flowed more intently into the Champion and they fell to their knees, the magic pushing past them and….

Into the Titan.

The cavern shook and pain coursed through her body as she felt the blood force its way into the lyrium, into the Titan.

Her will was to the be the Titan’s will, overpowering it with the sacrifice of hundreds of innocents. Blood, twisting will and creation into slavery and destruction.

Forever tainted.

The scene shifted suddenly, growing from blue to red. The thoughts became disjointed and disfigured with the woman’s thoughts, her will suffused into it. Shadows flew across the red, and suddenly teeth and claws sank into the veins, bursting, overflowing, harvested? No, attacked. Sinking, falling, deeper? How much father could we fall? Down, down. Hidden, away, PAIN.

Severed. Disconnected.

Children. Where are the Children? Are they safe? Who will protect them?

Did we hurt them? No. No. Not death. Not sacrifice, never. No choice. Her will.

She needed an army.

The visions slowly cleared from her mind, and when Elodie landed back in herself she found herself sobbing. She clutched at her sides as she felt the pain and the sickness twisting the Titan inside and out.

“What…what was that? Was that this Titan?” She gasped, finally finding her voice.

“No, that was our sister. She yet lives, not yet allowed to die.”

That…the source of the taint was…blood magic? No, not blood magic, but twisting will and thrusting it upon another. That was what twisted the Titan. Mass sacrifice, forcing a creature of creation to kill like that.

Titans…create.

She let out a shaky breath, trying to regain herself.

“I am tainted, as well, I should not be here.” She should not have touched the lyrium! What if she will cause this Titan to sicken with the Blight?

“That is precisely why you should be here. The taint stems from the corrupted Titan, only a pure one may remove it completely.” He took her hand again and placed it back to the lyrium.

“Let it flow into you like you allowed the Blight to flow. Let it burn away all traces of corrupted will.” The lyrium was cool to the touch this time and it slipped into her fingers and hand, painfully sinking her skin and into her blood.

The Joining had been painful and terrifying, and the purification was no less so. It was worse in a way, as she fell to the ground, vomiting black bile and sludge as the pure lyrium worked through her body.

Her magic strained under the effort, billowing out and collapsing against her in heavy waves.

It went on for what felt like hours, vomiting and choking as the lyrium slowly burned away the taint.

As the last drop left her, she felt her body lighten and her magic coalesce within her once more, hovering carefully as she instinctively tried to heal herself before falling into a deep slumber.

There were no visions of Archdemons or of Titans past. Only sweet, normal dreams filled with blue skies and flowers. The Fade pressed up against inside the cavern, surrounding the Titan and falling back into Elodie…

When she woke, she was on a stone bed with Gurendar standing nearby. He smiled and gestured to her.

“You are free, unburdened of will that is not your own.”

She felt her body and her eyes widened at how…clear she felt. Her head didn’t feel heavy, inundated with whispers of the taint. Eleven years of thoughts that were not her own had plagued her. Eleven years she had felt the poison pressing up inside of her, trying to consume her….

And now she was free.

Free only to have Alistair and potentially his son still be bound.

Her breath hitched and tears threatened to spill over. She could take Alistair here, perhaps. But little Duncan….

Loud shouting suddenly sounded from the far end of the space. Gurendar turned in mild curiosity just in time for Karega, Pritte, and Effir to suddenly charge in, weapons raised high.

Karega was swearing in her tongue again and ready to kill whatever stood in her way when she spotted Gurendar. She stopped, eyes wide.

“Gurendar?” she said.

“Karega, Paragon-Elect of Kal-Sharok, be welcome,” he said in the same voice warm voice he had used to greet Elodie.

Karega sneered and charged at him again. He sighed and ducked to the side, deftly avoiding every move.

“This is very unproductive, Karega.”

She shouted at him in dwarven and Elodie could hear the angry desperation, the confused outrage.

“Karega, stop. He’s melded with the Titan, he is…her Champion now.” Elodie said meekly.

Karega whipped around, eyes glassy but full of indignation, “Do you not think I know that? He is hers now, he is no longer my husband.”

“I…still retain my memories, Karega. I was very fond of you. I loved you, even, and our children.”

She screamed at him again, but her axe remained on the ground.

More dwarven spilled from her lips and Gurendar nodded, replying to her in their tongue. Pritte had his notebook out and quickly taking notes and sketches of the place.

Effir watched the interaction between Karega and Gurendar, until finally they strode forward and put themselves between the two.

“Paragon-Elect, the Titan has changed him, this gift does not come without price, and it is unfortunate that you have to pay it. But he lives, and he serves the Stone. He protects Kal-Sharok.” Their voice was even and softer than their usual biting tone.

Gurendar nodded, “Well-said, young one. I am and am not the man you remember. I…we are different, and we apologize for the strife for this to have caused you. In the past this would not have been so…traumatic. We are learning.” He brought his hands forward and bowed his head and Elodie got the distinct feeling that he wanted to feel more, that he wanted to give her the love he once had been able to do…. But things change, the world shifts and the demands it has for you can take a toll.

Some dreams simply cannot be.

Her eyes closed once again and she turned her gaze to the rock above her.

The world demanded sacrifice from everyone, some were more difficult to bear than others. The sacrifices made to be a Grey Warden weighed more heavily than the sacrifice to be a guard, or even a Templar considering that becoming a Warden was a guaranteed death sentence. And Karega had made sacrifices as Paragon-Elect, even more sacrifice when she married Gurendar. And while Elodie could see the immense honor it would be to have her husband be tied like to the Titan and her children to be tied to him…it was a gut wrenching sacrifice. Love lost, hope, then it was torn all away again as she realized that he was gone just not gone.

“You…are not my husband,” Karega bit out.

“No,” he answered and Elodie could feel the disillusioned hurt rolling off of Karega.

Her face scrunched up and she turned from Gurendar. Pritte’s eyebrows drew together and Effir hung their head low.

Loss is the most difficult when there is not satisfactory closure, when the wound isn’t even stitched. Elodie rose from the stone, legs wobbling and head aching from dehydration. She remembered Nav, waking up one day to find that the Templars had…there had been the decision to…they were made Tranquil. They had known who she was but they hadn’t known. There really was no pain like that, to see someone you love just…ripped away like that, but to have them still linger.

She rested her hand on Karega’s shoulder, not saying anything but offering any compassion she could. A gauntleted hand came up and rested on hers.

It was Effir who spoke first, “Why call the Warden?”

“She is like those who created the barrier around us, and we needed the barrier gone. It was an opportunity we could not resist,” Gurendar replied, tilting his head to the side.

Effir nodded their head, “Your methods are dangerous, I expect you to refine them if you are going to continue to communicate with Kal-Sharok.” That made Karega whip around, eyes ablaze.

“You do not get to talk to hi – them – like that! They do not intend to harm –

“But we do, Karega. They are right. We will do better, there were better channels…before, but so many things have felt…blocked. The barrier is gone now though, at least here, that will hopefully help.”

“Hopefully?” Effir pushed but Gurendar shook his head and turned away from them and to Elodie. His eyes appeared to glow even brighter now.

“Elodie Amell, we were not finished.” Gurendar suddenly said, walking to her side, giving her another reassuring smile.

“We have two requests of you, if you would be so willing to help. One, is to carry a…sample of ourselves, a seed perhaps in your tongue, to another place. We have been gone for too long. It is time to rebuild.”

“I can leave? Will I not perish away from the Titan?”

“No. We gave you the visions to bring you here to help us, not to harm you. Why would we harm someone who has helped us?” He cocked his head to the side again and she wondered at how such an old creature as the Titan could have such a…child-like effect on a grown man.

Relief surged through her and she nodded. This outcome, while odd, was preferential to every single one that she had come up with in her head. She had not been looking forward to lyrium imbued demons due to a Rift, or having to actually kill the Titan.

How would one even begin to kill one?

She shook her head free of the thought.

“To help you? To take another Champion?”

“Champions must be Children. You are not one of the Children.” He answered simply. She supposed she should be relieved at that, but worry for the dwarves in Kal-Sharok bloomed anew. Who would be claimed? Children?

The Titan may be a force of creation but it clearly did not think in the same way that Elodie or the dwarves did. Would it understand the difference between a child and an adult, a willing volunteer and an unwilling one?

Gurendar blinked, his brow drawing together somewhat before he began to speak again.

“Once we were connected across through the Stone, able to plant ourselves into the Stone anew. But now we are singular, cut off, and have no room to grow. Will you do this for us?”

Elodie watched the strange man, eyeing how eerie his eyes glowed, the faint blue of his skin…. But she also thought of the Blight, of how she no longer felt connected to it, of how pure lyrium had somehow surged through her and purified her. Ferelden’s lands were still recovering from the Blight, the taint sown deep into where the horde had marched.

It wasn’t just herself or Alistair tainted, it was land, it was people.

She nodded her head and he smiled.

“Thank you, Elodie Amell.” He strode to the wall where she had touched to receive her vision and held up a box he had picked up along the way. He whispered a few unintelligible words and lyrium began to pour into the box.

Bright, untainted, fresh lyrium that she…heard. Its music was twinkling and hypnotic, beautiful and swaying. It was cut off quickly as Gurendar shut the box, locks suddenly moving in place.

“There, take this to a deep place, the pour the lyrium onto a clean bed of rock.”

“That is remarkably simple.”

“We need not much, only the opportunity.” He answered. She took the box from him, surprised by its lightweight before placing it gently in her pack.

“And the second thing?”

“Ah, yes. This…is not something we ask lightly but, we are fearful of what the future will bring. We were awakened by a…great rupture, and such change in the past has led to death. The death of our sisters.”

There was a long pause as Gurendar shifted on his feet.

“We ask that should we be attacked, that you return to us with haste, to defend us.”

That…wasn’t ominous at all. She watched Gurendar’s face, watched the slight confusion and surprise at his own words. Perhaps not all had been revealed to him by the Titan until now. Elodie considered it. She…did not wish to return, she wished to spend the rest of her days with Alistair and Duncan, perhaps they could try one more time for children now that she was free of the taint. Her time as the Hero was coming to a close, or at least…she had hoped it was. For how could she stand by and allow this Titan to be attacked, potentially enslaved and harvested for its power further endangering countless people and their very world?

In the end, her choice was clear and while she did not relish it, it was her responsibility. Those who can, should do their part to ensure the safety of the world and its people. She nodded her head.

“I will return if I am able.” She said, bowing her head and swearing herself to it. She could regret it, but she had regretted little in moments such as these.

Gurendar smiled and bowed in gratitude.

Karega stepped forward then, her face drawn into a tight lipped frown. She watched her husband, confident and knowing.

“You serve the Titan?”

“Yes.”

“Then…that is good. I love you but we serve the Stone and Her city.” She switched to dwarven, her voice never wavering, only sounding strong and defiantly beautiful.

Gurendar nodded and leaned forward at the end, resting his forehead against hers. He murmured something in dwarven and she let out a long breath before giving a short laugh.

Her heart ached as she watched them. She longed to return to her Alistair, it had been too long, her body was weary and she was…ready. Ready to go home and sleep for a year or two.

“How will I know exactly to return? I’m not a dwarf, I lack all of sort of Stone Sense,” she said, raising herself from the slab.

Gurendar turned to her, his hands still on Karega, “You have merged with us, no matter how briefly, that has changed you. You are connected to us now. When the time comes, you will know.”

Elodie dragged in a breath. Alright, this…was her duty, her life. She could rest when she’s dead.

#dragon age fanfiction #dragon age #fanfiction #amell #warden amell #the warden #grey warden #kal-sharok #titans #dwarves #deep roads #my writing #queen of the stone #elodie amell #karega #effir #pritte #gurendar

[cumberlokitty]

Close your eyes - Chapter 9

Finally my lovelies, I decided to finish my Fanfiction “Close your eyes” :) There will be two more chapters until the finale in chapter 12. Please please enjoy chapter 9 and have fun reading :) 

IX.

 "Did you hear that Rakith? Battle! Me! Can you imagine me clumsy on a battleground?", doubting I looked at the bird flying next to me while I walked down the corridor back to my room.

The animal just cocked his head and eyed me suspiciously. Well at least it looked suspiciously to me.

"See, I can´t either..", I sighed and opened the door to my room when I suddenly spotted something lying on my bed.

It looked like a wooden box with ornaments carved into.

Carefully I sat down on my bed to examine it with Rakith watching my every move.

At first I couldn't find the clasp but after running my fingers over it fumbling for irregularities I was able to make it out.

"What on earth could that be and who put this here..", mumbling I opened it.

My heart stopped for a split second.

In the box was the most beautiful item I had ever seen in my entire life.

Covering my mouth with my hands I stared at it in shock.

The delicate golden ring was topped with an emerald green rose so sparkly I couldn´t believe my eyes. Gingerly I lifted it up and touched the thin material as if it was to fall apart any second. Never had I seen such beauty before.

As I looked closer, something seemed to move inside of the rose ornament like a tiny, pulsing shadow causing me to flinch. At the second look I realized that it was more like a fog circulating through the green rose seeming as if it wanted to get out of the shell it was kept in.

Instantly I knew who placed it there.

There was no doubt that it came from Loki.

But why a ring? Did it have the same meaning in Asgard as it had in Midgard?

Was that some sort of hidden proposal?

That couldn't be..

My heart started racing viciously.

And what exactly was that thing wafting around inside of it. Suddenly I realized that I still hadn't tried the piece of jewellery on. Something about it made me feel much more than uncomfortable, I was almost scared to touch it again.

Suddenly Rakith crowed loudly sitting at the windowsill looking down to the inner courtyard. I sprang up and bolted over to him almost knocking him out of the window. The warriors were already leaving!

"Damn", I hissed and jerked open my wardrobe. There was nothing that would really fit for battle but thin pants and a woolen, dark green tunic.

Sighing I slipped into the clothes. "Better than a ballgown, right Rakith?", I adressed the bird still staring out of the window. Just in case I would need it I also pinned the brooch to the inside of my tunic right over my heart gasping as the cold metal touched my skin.

I had to go, fast.

At the door I turned around again, the ring was still lying on my bed.

Again my heart started to pound intensely.

What if I take it with me? I should, it would be rude not to try it on at least.

Quickly I took it out of the box again und slipped it on my finger when suddenly my world started swaying as if I was on a ship in distress at sea.

"Oh dear...", I mumbled trying to steady myself by clinging to my bed.

My right hand seemed to get hotter and hotter, almost burn where I had put on the ring. Gasping I sank down on the carpet. My whole hand was covered in green mist sinking slowly into my skin floating through my veins. Suddenly it felt as if hot lava was pulsing through my entire body and I couldn't help but scream in hurt and despair. Rakith crowed loudly and took off. "Get...help...", I clenched my fists in pain. I didn't know how much I could bear it anymore when all of a sudden everything stopped, all the sounds were gone and every thought drawn from my brain. Through a greenish shadow I could see Thor and Victoria and the others riding in front of me discussing battle tactics. I blinked as hard as I could but the scenery wouldn't go away. "Are you okay?", Thor stopped his horse and turned around looking concerned. "No, no Thor! Help me please!", I shrieked but he didn't hear me. "Sure, I am fine..just tired..", a male voice answered instead. A very familiar male voice.

Then everything turned black.

"So it started..." he whispered into the darkness.

 "Elodie? Elodie wake up!"

Blinking I opened my eyes discovering Queen Frigga right next to me shaking me furiously. "I am awake, I am..awake..I guess..", I tried to get up but my head almost killed me so I sank back down. "Slowly, child. Tell me what happened", she took my hand eyeing me anxiously. "I have absolutely no idea...I must have hit my head somewhere. Actually I wanted to get down and follow the others, that's the last thing I remember", I still regret lying to her but I had to protect Loki because I had no idea what was going to happen if I'd spilled the beans. His intention was to build up another, visual connection between the two of us but what for?

I had to find that out and to do so I desperately needed to follow him immediately.

"Queen Frigga, I have to go", standing up I smoothed down my clothes and headed for the door.

"Elodie stop", she still held me by the wrist, "you need armour and weapons, girl."

Silently I nodded. She was perfectly right, I almost forgot to take at least a sword with me.

She led me down a couple of stairs and shoved me into an almost hidden chamber next to a huge statue of the Allfather himself.

"Put these on", she handed me a pair of silver spaulders", ..and the breastplate here and of course you need gauntlets.." In the blink of an eye I was a fully dressed swordmaiden.

"Here, you take my dagger with you, strip it to the inside of your boots, there is a small sheath. It will protect you in grave danger, that's its purpose! Now you've got to rush, girl. Take the grey horse, it's name is Fulla. Pat her on the head twice before you mount her and she will know that I sent you and therefore you're trustworthy", my heart almost shattered at her words. Frigga looked truly concerned and her eyes were glistening with tears of fear for her son and what might happen to him if I couldn't reconnect out powers.

"Everything will work out, do not worry", I bowed deeply, thanked her and hurried to the stables making sure not to cross paths with any of the staff that might recognize me.

 When I arrived outside I nodded at the stable boys trying to look sure of what I was doing and followed Friggas instructions. Fulla nuzzled at my hand tickling it lightly which signaled me that I was allowed to get on her back. "Come now, quick! We've got a stubborn prince to find", I whispered in her ear hoping she would be fast.

And I wasn't disappointed. The horse was more than fast.

Riding her felt like flying by the grassland and past the fields and hills outside of the palace. Rakith was following us by soaring above in circular motions.

Now it wasn't only the Queen worrying, I was also concerned about Loki which was not only caused by our bond. I felt half without him near me. And I wasn't sure what to think of the ring and the insights it had given me.

I could see what Loki saw that was for sure but why should I see this?

What were the meanings of this?

Something inside of me started doubting that it was truly him who put the ring on my bed. Maybe someone wanted me to see with his eyes making it easier to watch him.

Or maybe it meant something more, something a lot darker.

Suddenly I felt all the power circulating through me, pulsing through my veins mixing with my blood. Involuntarily I shivered at the mere thought of what it could do if I wasn't careful.

 When twilight turned the sky a dark shade of blue I finally caught the first glimpse of the bivouac the soldiers had built up and the fires glimmering like a firefly in the approaching darkness. Soundlessly I got down from Fulla whispering her to get closer and mix in with the other horses to have food and water provided.

I myself put on a hooded cloak, Frigga gave me before I dashed away, and tried to approach the tents. Watching my every step I dug beneath piles of supplies getting closer and closer to what I assumed were Thors and Lokis  accomodations.

"Who are you? Say your name now or die!", the moment I touched the fabric of the tent the tip of a shortsword touched my back causing me to shiver.

"Please don't hurt me, Victoria..it's only me..Elodie..", I raised my hands slowly and put down my hood revealing my apologetic face.

"Elodie? What are you doing here? This could turn into a full grown battle tomorrow, it's not a playground for curious girls!", she grabbed me by the arm and yanked me down on the ground putting away her sword.

"That was most certainly not my idea, believe me! Queen Frigga wanted me to find Loki and reconnect our powers.."

"The Queen knows??", Victoria gasped.

"Shhh..", I shushed her, "yes she knows about us and well, our problem.."

Victoria shook her head in disbelief: "This situation is starting to get insane, you've got to do something and I mean both of you. Until now it was basically you trying to find a solution, we need that little brat of an asgardian prince to get a grip."

"Well well well..what do we have here?"

A well known voice behind of us startled Victoria so much she drew her sword in reflex blushing heavily at the sight of Thor grinning down on us.

"You girls weren't talking about me, were you?", he squeezed his muscular warriors body inbetween us almost squashing me.

"Nope..actually..we've been talking about Loki...", I sighed in defeat.

#fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #loki #thor #norse mythology #tom hiddleston #chris hemsworth #close your eyes #chapter 9 #story

[eviloneills-blog]

thank you so much for your answer! i read everything about black widow and Noto's was my favorite, even if i can mention Name of the Rose, it was a nice one. I actually started Ms. Marvel recently and i'm glad i did. And I started to read Felicia Hardy comics to actually get to Cindy Moon! I don't read DC but i'll give it a try! and i absolutely need to read Elektra. Thanks a lot again!

No problem! I’m sorry it took so long to respond to your ask! Actually, if you have any Black Widow recs, either comic book or fanfic, I’d love to hear them! (I am really in the mood for some good Natasha fic.)

I must confess, I’m not much of a DC girl either, because there’s really only 3 DC characters I have any opinions about: Jessica Cruz, Simon Baz, and Helena Bertinelli. And my opinion is I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART. And they all need movies pronto. (Meanwhile I have legit never felt an emotion about Batman or Superman in my life and only recently have I become OK with that.) 

Elektra is so, so, so bisexual in those comics. I mean we already knew she was Not Straight but the first two of those comics I read have really proven how Gay she is in every way. I’m very peeved at how they drew her, though, because the current version is clearly based on Elodie Yung’s Elektra when it comes to outfit, hairstyle, ect. but is also drawn as white with blue eyes. Ugh. There’s so few Southeast Asian female characters already why do they do this????

OHHH PLEASE rec me all the Felicia Hardy comics you read, I’ve really only read her mostly in conjunction with Silk and Daredevil. (Casting Felicity as Felicia was like, the only Good decision those Spiderman films made fight me on this.) I’m really looking forward to the Black and Silver movie so type to hype myself up. 

#asks #comics #come talk comics to me i know jack shit but can make up for it in enthusiasm

[anavoliselenu]

Dublin street chapter 19

I frowned. “Wait.” I shot a hopeful smile Ellie’s way. “You got your biopsy results?”

“No one told her?” Ellie’s brow puckered as she stared accusingly around the room.

Justin sighed. “Maybe if she would stop avoiding everyone someone might have.”

“Hello!” I waved my hand. “Results please?”

Ellie grinned. “Benign.”

I sagged in relief to hear confirmation of what Dr. Dunham had predicted. “That really should have been the opener.”

“Sorry.”

“Uh huh.” I quirked an eyebrow at Elodie. “P.S. I’m going to take good care of her.” My eyes flickered to Adam who had climbed on top of the covers on Ellie’s other side. “That’s if Lover Boy let’s me.”

Adam grimaced. “I’m too old to be called a Lover Boy.”

“I quite like it.” Ellie smiled mischievously.

“Then Lover Boy it is.”

“Well, I think I’ll go make us all some coffee before I throw up on Ellie’s new bedspread,” I cracked and made to move towards the door.

Justin stepped in front of it, his face expressionless. “We need to talk.” With that he turned on his heel and walked out of the room, leaving me no choice but to follow.

I found him in my room and as soon as I walked in he strode past me to shut the door.

“We could talk in the sitting room,” I told him irritably, hating him in here where there were so many memories. Plus, his presence in my room had always been overwhelming.

In response, he prowled towards me, only coming to a stop when there was an inch of space between us. I wanted to back up but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. I stared up at him defiantly and he bent his head a little so he could look me directly in the eyes.

“I’ve been trying to give you space, but this is ridiculous.”

My head snapped back at that. “Uh, what?”

I watched his gorgeous and furious eyes narrow into slits. “You’re never here. Are you seeing someone else? Because I swear to God-”

Furious didn’t even cover it. “Are you kidding me?” I yelled, forgetting there was an audience down the hall.

“Well, what the hell is going on?”

I drew in a shuddering breath, trying to calm down. “You’re an ass**le. Coming in here and accusing me of messing around behind your back when you’re the one who’s screwing his new nightclub manager.”

Now Justin jerked his head back in shock, and the look he gave me? Well, let’s just say it was not a polite way of expressing that he thought I had a screw loose somewhere. “Isla? You think I’m f**king Isla? I don’t believe this.”

Okay. I was completely confused. I crossed my arms over my chest in an attempt to look as if I was in control of this conversation. “Ellie told me everything.”

His mouth actually fell open. It would have been funny if the situation wasn’t like a knife in my gut. “Ellie? What exactly did Ellie tell you?”

“She met you for lunch. The two of you met her and Adam for lunch and she said that you were all over each other.”

Now Justin crossed his arms over his chest and the soft fabric strained against the muscles of his biceps. I got a flash image of him above me, his hands pressing my wrists into the mattress, the muscles in his arms moving as he thrust hard into me and over and over again.

I flushed, shaking the image out of my head.

Crap.

“Ellie told you she had lunch with me and Isla, and that I was all over Isla?” he asked me slowly, as if I were a mental patient.

I answered through gritted teeth, “Yes.”

“If she hadn’t just had brain surgery I swear to God I’d kill her.”

I blinked. “What?”

Justin took another step forward which meant I had to step back if I didn’t want my boobs mashed up against him. “I never had lunch with Isla and Ellie. They met when she and Adam stopped by the club to drop off a USB stick I left at the flat. They met for two seconds.”

I scratched behind my ear not liking at all where this put me in this conversation. “Why would she tell me that?”

Justin sighed heavily and turned away, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know. Probably because I told her I was giving you space as part of the next stage in my plan to get you back, and Ellie didn’t agree it was a good idea. Apparently, Ellie thought jealousy was the next step.” He shook his head and shot me an unfathomable look. “Apparently she was wrong.”

I watched him as he wandered around my room, clearly trying to put his thoughts together as much as I was trying to come to terms with the idea that Justin hadn’t moved on at all. But I still couldn’t understand why Ellie would hurt me like that. I also wondered when the hell she’d started getting so good at lying. She couldn’t lie for shit when I met her.

Oh.

My fault?

“I still don’t understand. I met Isla, buddy, she’s exactly your type, and she was definitely flirting with you.”

“Why do you care?” he grinned, running his hands along my bookshelf. “You said you don’t want—” he stopped, his body tense with a sudden alertness.

“What?”

He pulled at something on my bookshelf, his head bowed, and then he turned to me, eyes accusing. “Going somewhere?” He held up my e-ticket printout for my flight to Virginia.

My brain and emotions were still trying to decide whether this new information affected my plans, so my brain just said the first thing that was technically true. “I’m going home.”

I knew it was bad. I knew it was bad because Justin didn’t say anything. He seared me into my walls with a look I never wanted to see in his eyes again, and then he spun on his heel and slammed out of my room.

No argument. No discussion.

I wanted to cry again. Once I’d started down that path of giving into tears now after years of holding them back, there seemed to be no stopping them. My mouth trembled and I hugged my arms around my body to still the tremors running through the rest of me.

Ten minutes later I felt calm enough to make everyone coffee and take it into Ellie’s room. Justin sat in the corner and didn’t even look at me.

Suffice to say we created a horrible tension in Ellie’s bedroom. Everyone had heard us arguing and everyone had heard Justin nearly splinter the wood on my bedroom door when he slammed it on me. It was awkward.

Finally realizing his mood was poisoning Ellie’s triumphant return home, Justin got up, kissed her forehead, and told her he’d check in later. Ellie nodded, biting her lip in worry as she watched him walk out. She cut me a look and like a guilty school child, I quickly glanced away.

Elodie and Clark left soon after and I was just getting up to leave her and Adam alone when Ellie stopped me.

“What’s going on with you and Justin?”

“Ellie, I’m not dragging you into our drama when you’re still in recovery.”

“Is it about that tiny white lie I told you about Isla?”

I spun around, my eyebrow raised at Ellie’s shamefaced expression. “Yeah. I just found out about that.”

Ellie glanced at Adam who was frowning, clearly confused. “I did a bad thing.”

He nodded. “I’m getting that. What happened?”

“I told Selena that you and I had lunch with Isla and Justin and they were all over each other.”

Her boyfriend reared back just like Justin had. In fact I noticed the two of them had quite a lot of similar mannerisms. They spent far too much time together. “We never had lunch with them. We stopped in for two seconds at the club.”

“Okay this game isn’t fun anymore,” I snapped, forgetting I was snapping at a patient. “Why would you lie to me?”

Ellie’s eyes were all wide and pitiful. Girl could get herself out of murder she was so damn cute. “Justin told me that since getting in your face all the time wasn’t working, he’d come up with this stupid plan to back off and make you miss him so much you came back to him. I told him you were too stubborn to fall for it.”

Actually, I had been missing him. Bastard knew me too well. “Mmm,” I answered non-committedly.

“You were being really obstinate, Selena. I thought if I provoked your jealousy you’d get scared and go running off to get him back.” Her face was pale as she looked into Adam’s eyes. “It really backfired.”

“I can see that,” he murmured, trying not smile.

This was not funny!

“You are so lucky you just had brain surgery.”

Ellie winced. “Sorry, Selena.” Then her eyes turned hopeful. “I meant to tell you before the surgery but I was so scared that day I forgot. Now you know the truth though. You can just stop fighting and go get him back.”

It was my turn to sigh. “He’s mad at me now.”

“For not trusting him?”

“Something like that,” I mumbled, wondering what the hell I was going to do next.

“Am I forgiven?” Ellie asked quietly.

I rolled my eyes at the question. “Of course. Just… quit the matchmaking business. You suck at it.” I gave them a little forlorn wave and left the room, closing the door quietly behind them.

I sat down at my typewriter, staring at the latest page, trying to figure out what this meant to me now. Dr. Pritchard said I’d regret not being honest with Justin. And the truth is, all the things that I’d worried about – me not being good enough, Justin being so intense, what could happen to us in the future – seemed like small change after discovering a little taste of what it had felt like when I thought he didn’t love me.

I should talk to him.

I was still going to Virginia to face my family’s death.

But I should talk to him.

Wait a minute. I jerked around in my chair to look at the bookshelf where my ticket had been. It wasn’t there. And now that I thought about, I hadn’t seen Justin put it back.

Oh my God, he’d stolen my ticket!

My ire fuelled me into hyper energy. Intense! Justin intense? He was a freaking, overbearing ass**le! I shoved my feet into my boots, shrugged into my coat, buttoning it up wrong and then screaming under my breath in exasperation. I grabbed my keys, my purse, and I attempted a little bit of calm when I told Adam and Ellie I was going out. They called okay back to me through the door and I slammed out of there, my hand in the air for a cab.

I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. I mean, that took the cake. Stealing my plane ticket!

He was such a caveman!

I practically threw my cab fare at the driver and hopped out, running down the Quartermile to the entrance to his apartment. I knew I was on camera when I buzzed up, so I glared up into it, half-expecting him to not let me in.

He let me in.

It was longest elevator ride of my life.

I got out of it to find Justin standing at his door, looking casual and unaffected in his sweater, jeans and bare feet. He stepped back quickly to hold the door open for me as I stormed past him.

I spun around, almost losing my balance I had such an angry momentum going for me.

The idiot was smirking at me as he closed the door and strolled toward me into the sitting room.

“This isn’t funny,” I bit out, probably overreacting… but I was dealing with a whole mess of emotions that HE had put me through the last few weeks.

Okay, I maybe put myself through half of them but I was angry at me too, but I couldn’t have an argument with myself so HE was getting it!

The smirk dropped from Justin’s face, the scowl appearing. “I know it’s not bloody funny. Believe me.”

I stuck out my hand. “Give me my ticket back, Justin. I am not even kidding.”

He nodded, and pulled the ticket out of his back pocket. “This ticket?”

“Yes. Give it to me.”

Then he just shot me into volcanic rage.

Justin tore up my ticket, letting the pieces flutter to the floor. “What ticket?”

Despite the thought that was tucked somewhere in the back of my brain that told me I could print out another one…I lost it.

With an animalistic growl I didn’t even know I was capable of, I threw my body towards his, my hands out as I shoved at him with enough might to make him stumble. Suddenly it was all there in my gut, the last six months of emotional upheaval, the dramatic changes he’d brought into my life—the uncertainty, the jealousy, the heartache. “I hate you!” I yelled, the words tumbling out of my mouth with a mind of their own. I spun away from him. “I was fine until you!” My eyes started to sting as I stared back at his stony face. “Why?” My voice broke, as the tears spilled down my cheeks. “I was fine. I was safe and I was fine. I’m broken, Justin. Stop trying to fix me and just let me be broken!”

He shook his head slowly, his own eyes bright, and I stood frozen as he came to me. I closed my eyes at his touch, his hands wrapping around my arms to tug me close to him.

“You are not broken.”

My eyelashes fluttered open and I stared up into his beautiful face, his anguished beautiful face. “Yes I am.”

He gave me an angry shake now. “No, you’re not.” He leaned his face into mine and I found myself caught in his pale blue eyes, mesmerized by the glitter of silver striations in them. “Selena, you’re not broken, baby,” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes pleading with me. “You’ve got a few cracks in you, but we all have some.”

More tears spilled, my mouth trembling as I whispered back, “I don’t hate you.”

Our eyes locked, so much emotion, so much uncertainty, so much of everything had built up around us in this thick tension. The air felt charged, desperate. Justin’s expression changed, his eyes burned as they dropped to my mouth.

I couldn’t tell you who reached first, but seconds later my lips were crushed under his, and his hand was tugging almost painfully at my hair as he took out my clip to let the mass of it fall around my shoulders. And then I felt his tongue slide against mine, and could taste him, smell him, feel his strength all around me.

I missed him.

I missed how amazing it felt to make him laugh.

But I was still angry, and from the bruising kiss I wasn’t pulling away from, I felt how angry Justin was too. That didn’t stop us. We broke from the kiss for two seconds so Justin could pop the buttons on my coat and rip me out of it. I tugged at the hem of his sweater, my hands frantically chasing it off of him and then coming back to roam his hot hard chest and abs. I threw my body against his for another kiss, but Justin wasn’t done ridding me of clothes. Impatiently I pulled back to help him whip off my sweater, but I wasn’t waiting any longer after that.

My hands on his nape brought his head down to mine and I kissed him for all the days I hadn’t been kissing him. It was a desperate, sexual tangle of tongues and hot breath, my sex pulsing readily just from the wet hardness of that one kiss.

So into it, I barely felt Justin haul me none-too-gently against a wall, his mouth breaking from mine as he trailed kisses down my neck, his strong arms hooking under my thighs to wrap my legs around his waist. My body slid up the wall, his hard c**k nudging against my crotch, jeans to jeans.

“Fuck,” Justin murmured hotly, his mouth dipping to the rise of my breast. He held me up with one hand on my backside, the other peeling my bra down, letting the cool air whisper across my nipple. It puckered up for Justin’s kiss and I gasped at the bolt of pleasure that shot between my legs as he sucked it into his mouth. I jerked my hips, rubbing against Justin’s erection.

“I can’t wait,” I breathed, gripping at his shoulders.

As if to test that, Justin unbuttoned my jeans and slid his hand inside my panties. I whimpered, pressing up against his fingers as they dipped inside of me.

“Christ.” His head fell against my chest as he slid them in and out. “So wet and tight, babe. Always.”

“Now,” I growled, my nails digging into his skin. “Justin.”

And then we were moving, me holding onto him as he turned us and brought us down onto the couch, his hands fast as he pulled back and tugged my jeans down my legs. I unhooked my bra as he returned for my panties, my foot giving a little flick to get them off of me. Panting with anticipation, my skin on fire, I fell onto my back, my legs parting for him. “Justin, now.”

He had stopped, frozen, as he looked down at me lying naked beneath him, my chest rising and falling with short, excited breaths, my hair spread out all around me. I watched his expression change, no less turned on, but softer somehow. He pressed a hand to my quivering belly, and he coast it gently up my stomach, between my br**sts, to my jaw and he moved over me, his jeans abrading my bare legs. “Ask for it,” he whispered gruffly against my lips.

I glided my hand down between us, pulling down the zipper on his jeans. My fingers slid under his boxer briefs, curling around his dick. I tugged it out of his jeans and watched his eyes close, his breath stutter. “I want you to f**k me,” I gave a little lick at his lips that shot his eyes back open, blazing down at me. “Please.”

With the growl I had missed, Justin shucked his jeans down a little, and then wrapped his hand around mine so we both guided him between my legs. At the slightest brush of him against me I grew even wetter. I let go, my hands moving around to grasp his ass as he slid slowly into me. I squeezed his backside, urging him to go faster.

Which he did with pleasure.

“Harder,” I moaned. “Harder, Justin. Harder.”

Asking for it hard never failed to spur Justin on. He kissed me and then slammed home. Pleasure coiled tight in me his c**k kissed me so deep, I threw my head back to cry out, my cries getting louder as he pounded delicious strokes into me. What he was doing to my insides, the sight of him straining above me, the sounds of our excited pants and groans and the wet, primal noise of sex, all of it surged me towards satisfaction and fast. I blew apart, screaming his name as I came. I came so hard, my sex pulsing around Justin, that I milked him into his own orgasm, his body tensing as it shot through him, his hips continuing to jerk him in and out, prolonging both our releases.

Best. Sex. Ever.

Justin groaned and collapsed against me. I stroked my hands against his ass soothingly before gliding them up his back to hold him close.

He turned his head against my neck and pressed a familiar kiss there.

“You still mad at me?” he murmured.

I sighed. “I was going home to do what I should have done eight years ago. I was going home to say goodbye to my family.”

Justin grew still and then he pulled back to gaze down into my face, his eyes full of remorse. “God, I’m so sorry, babe. About the ticket.”

I bit my lip. “I can reprint it. And… I was thinking about staying in Virginia permanently after Ellie is back on her feet.”

The remorse fled quickly. “Over my dead body.”

“Yeah, I thought you’d say that.”

He frowned. “I’m still inside you.”

“I can feel that.” I smiled, bemused.

“Well at least let me get out of you before you tell me you’re attempting to leave me.”

I leaned up and kissed his lips. “I don’t know if that’s what I’m doing yet.”

Used to everything not being straightforward with me, Justin exhaled slowly and withdrew from me. He tucked himself back into his jeans and he sat up, holding out his hand. Deciding to trust him, I let him pull me up to my feet, and followed him up the stairs to his room. He nodded at the bed. “Get in.”

Since I was naked and sated and really in no mood to argue, I scrambled across his bed to my side of it and got in. I watched with pleasure as Justin stripped down to nothing and got in beside me. I was immediately settled into his side, my head on his warm chest. “So what are you doing?”

That was some question. And where to begin?

“I had a really good family, Justin,” I told him softly, pain I’d been hiding for too long threaded in every word. Justin heard it and his hold on me tightened. “My mom was an orphan. She grew up in foster care here, and then moved to the States on a work visa. She was working at the college campus library when she met my dad. They fell in love, they got married, and for a while they lived happily ever after. My parents weren’t like my friends’ parents. I was fourteen and they were still sneaking around, making out when they didn’t think I could see them. They were crazy about each other.” I felt my throat close up but tried to hold it together. “They were crazy about me and Beth. My mom was overprotective and a little overbearing because she didn’t want us to ever feel as alone as she had felt growing up.” I smiled. “I thought she was cooler than all the other moms because, well, she had a cool accent, and she was kind of blunt, but in a really funny way that shocked some of the preppy housewives that lived in our town.”

��Sounds like someone I know,” Justin murmured, amusement in his voice.

I grinned at the thought that I might be a little like my mom. “Yeah? Well, she was awesome. And my dad was just as great. He was the dad who checked in with you every day to see what was up. Even as I got older and became this entirely new creature called a teenage girl, he was still always there.” I felt a tear fall now. “We were happy,” I whispered, just managing to get the words out.

I felt Justin kiss my hair, his grip on my arm so tight it almost hurt. “Babe, I’m so sorry.”

“Shit happens right?” I swiped quickly at the tears. “One day I was sitting in class and the police came to tell me that my dad had swerved into a truck to avoid a motorcyclist who’d come off his bike. Gone. Mom. Dad. Beth. I lost my parents and I lost a little girl I hadn’t really had a chance to get to know. Though I knew enough to know that I adored her. I knew she would cry if she couldn’t see her favorite teddy bear—this ratty old brown bear with a blue ribbon around his neck that used to mine and still smelled like me. His name was Ted. Original, I know. I knew that she had a sophisticated taste in music because all you had to do to stop her from crying was play Mmmbop by Hanson.” I laughed sadly at the memory. “I knew that when I was having a bad day, all I had to do was pick her up, hold her close, smell her skin, feeling her tiny warmth against me and know that everything was okay…

[anavoliselenu]

Dublin street chapter 17

He didn’t wake me. In fact he didn’t even look at me.

I woke up because he was shaking Ellie awake.

“What time is it?” I heard her ask sleepily.

“It’s past noon. I’ve made you some lunch.” The sound of his voice might as well have been a fist punching through my chest. My eyes opened with difficulty, crusty from the salt of my dried tears, and swollen from the worst crying jag I’d had since losing Dru. Justin was bending over Ellie, brushing her hair back, his eyes bright with love. They were also still bloodshot and he had dark circles underneath them.

He looked like hell.

I would still bet I looked worse.

“I’m not hungry,” Ellie whispered.

Justin shook his head, his expression all no-nonsense. “You need to eat. Come on, sweetheart, time to get up.”

I watched as Ellie took his large hand and he pulled her gently up off the bed and onto her feet. Still holding onto her, he led her out, her linen pants wrinkled to the max, her shirt twisted around her body, and her hair a wild mess. She looked like someone whose life had just been upended. I hurt so badly for her. I couldn’t even look at Justin, because the pain I felt for him was indescribable.

“Selena, you coming?” Ellie looked back over her shoulder at me.

And for her, I nodded. Even though I didn’t want to be anywhere near Justin.

You know what was worse? He couldn’t even be outright petty about the breakup. Sure, he couldn’t look at me and wouldn’t talk to me, but… he’d made my damn lunch too.

Ellie and I sat at the kitchen table eating the tasty scrambled eggs and toast while Justin stood leaning against the counter sipping coffee. Ellie didn’t notice the quiet between us at first because she was stuck inside her own head, and silence at this point didn’t seem unusual.

I’ll tell you how unselfish that girl is: with everything she was going through she noticed what was going on with her brother and me. And a lot sooner than I’d expected her to. It was our fault—we weren’t exactly subtle about it. I got up to put my plate and mug in the sink and Justin moved to the other side of the room. I then moved to the other side of the room to get some orange juice out of the fridge and Justin moved back to the sink. I moved near the sink to get a glass out of the cupboard and Justin moved back to the fridge. I moved to the fridge to put the juice back and he moved back to the sink.

“What’s going on?” Ellie asked softly, her brows drawn together as she watched us.

We mumbled a couple of ‘nothings’ back at her.

“Guys?” Ellie looked paralyzed. “Did the doctor call?”

Our heads jerked over to her and immediate remorse settled over us. “No.” Justin shook his head. “No, Els. We’ve got the appointment with Dr. Dunham later this afternoon, just as planned.”

“Then why are you two acting strangely?”

We stared at her impassively, but one of us gave something away, something big, because after a minute of searching our faces, Ellie’s fell. “You broke up.”

Justin ignored her. “Els, you should get in the shower, brighten yourself up a bit. You’ll feel better.”

“Because of me?” Ellie stood up, her eyes round. “You broke up because of me.”

I chanced a look at Justin but he was staring solemnly at Ellie. Like me, he hadn’t wanted to add any more weight to her shoulders. I turned back to her. “No, Ellie. Not because of you. This had nothing to do with you and it’s done. We’re okay. Don’t worry about us. We’re getting you through this minus drama.”

Her expression hardened, her chin jutting out mulishly. “You’re clearly not talking to each other, though. What happened?”

Justin sighed. “She doesn’t love me and I think she’s an untrustworthy, cold bitch. Now get in the shower.”

Since he wasn’t facing me I didn’t bother to mask the pain I felt at his words. Untrustworthy cold bitch. Untrustworthy. Cold. Bitch. Cold. Bitch. Bitch. BITCH.

I also forgot that Ellie could see me and her eyes turned dark with sympathy.

“Justin,” she whispered, soft admonishment in it.

“Shower. Now.”

Her eyes came back to me, worried. I couldn’t believe she was worried about me at a time like this. “Ellie, shower.”

“You’re worse than my parents,” she murmured humorlessly, but deciding she’d rather not face off with two of the most tenacious people she knew, she headed out of the kitchen leaving us alone in a thick, awful silence.

Finally Justin spoke, “You left some of your shit at my place. I’ll drop it off this week.”

He had stuff in my room too. “I’ll get your things together for you.”

It should be noted that at this point we were leaning against opposite ends of the kitchen counter, talking to the wall in front of us and not at each other.

Justin cleared his throat, “You came back for her?” Was that hope in his voice?

“Well, sometimes untrustworthy, cold bitches keep their word,” I answered stiffly, taking a sip of my juice.

Justin grunted and slammed his mug down on the counter. “She doesn’t need your charity or your f**king guilt.”

Fuck.

Shit, f**kity, shit, f**k.

Clearly Justin had taken the night to let his anger simmer and boil over. I braced myself, trying to be understanding and not hurt him any more than I already had. “She doesn’t have my charity or my guilt.”

“Oh so I was right last night then.” Justin nodded. “Unlike me, she has your love.”

“Justin…” I choked out. I’d expected him to be like he always was. Justin was stoic, intimidating, immoveable and cool. Not vulnerable and bitter and angry. Basically a dick at a really inappropriate time. Then again, I’d dumped him hours after he learned his little sister might have cancer so, who was the bigger dick? “You don’t love me either, Justin.”

His eyes flashed at that before casting down my body and back up again, in a cold perusal that sent horrible shivers through me. His gaze came back up to mine and it was pale as ice. “You’re right. I don’t love you. I’m just annoyed I have to look for a new arrangement, especially when the old one wasn’t half bad in bed.”

I’d say I was a pretty good actor, but any more of his verbal assault and I was going to crumble under the pain. I turned away quickly, so he wouldn’t see what his words did to me. “I’d hoped that we could still be friends, but clearly you don’t want that. So can we just agree to not talk to one another unless we have to for Ellie’s sake?”

“If it were up to me, for Ellie’s sake, I’d kick your arse out and tell you never to darken our doorstep again. But Ellie doesn’t need that right now.”

Shock drew my head up and I gazed at him incredulously. “Are you kidding?”

He crossed his powerful arms over his chest and shook his head. “No. I can’t trust you. You’re f**ked up. I don’t think Ellie needs that.”

“Last night you wanted me here for Ellie.”

“I’ve had time to think about it. If I could, I’d get rid of you. But that would just cause Ellie more pain. She doesn’t need that right now.”

“You could do that?” I was almost wheezing. “Just throw me out of your life?”

“Why not? You did it to me last night.”

“No. I broke up with you. I didn’t throw you out of my life.” I glared at him. “But if I had known how little I really did mean to you, I probably should have.”

Oh.” Justin nodded. “That’s right. You don’t love me, but you care about me.” He shrugged. “Well I could give a shit about you.”

I locked my jaw, trying so hard to hold in the tears.

“As a matter of fact, I f**ked someone else last night.”

You ever had a shotgun bullet blast through your stomach? No? Me neither. But I have a feeling what I felt when Justin said that would be similar to being blasted by a shotgun. And really, not even the best actress in the world can mask that kind of pain.

I physically flinched at his words, my body jerking back, my knees almost giving out, my eyes wide, and my mouth open in horror. And then the worst happened. I began to cry.

Through my tears I saw Justin’s lips pinch together and he took two steps towards me, his whole body bristling. “I f**king knew it,” he hissed, still coming toward me.

“Don’t touch me!” I yelled, not able to bear the thought of him near me now.

“Don’t touch you?” He snarled, his eyes sparking violently. “I’m going to kill you!”

“Me?” I turned around and grabbed a plate off the dish rack and spun around, letting it fly at his head. He ducked and it smashed against the wall. “I’m not the one that f**ked someone two seconds after we broke up!”

I reached for a glass to throw, but Justin was on me, his strong hands pinning my wrists to my side, his body pinning mine against the counter. I struggled viciously but he was too strong. “Let me go!” I sobbed. “Just let me go. I hate you. I hate you!”

“Ssh. Ssh, Selena,” he soothed, bending his head into my neck. “Ssh, don’t say that,” he begged against my skin. “Don’t say that. I didn’t mean it. I lied. I was angry. I’m a f**king idiot. I lied. I was with Elodie all night. You can call her and ask, but she’ll tell you the truth. You know I would never do to you what was done to me.”

His words penetrated my hysteria and I stopped struggling. And started trembling. “What?”

Justin pulled back to give me a pair of pale blue and very sincere eyes. “I lied. I wasn’t with anyone else. There hasn’t been anyone else since we got together.”

My nose was all choked up from crying so much, so I sounded like a five-year old when I murmured, “I don’t understand.”

“Babe,” his voice rumbled, the tenderness back, although I could still see the annoyance in his eyes. “I was pissed off last night when you broke up with me, and so I just walked away. I went to Elodie’s because I knew she’d be awake worrying about Ellie and I wanted to see if she was okay. She knew something was wrong with me as soon as she let me in. I told her what had happened and she told me what she said to you at the wedding, and she also told me that when she said that to you, you looked like you’d been slapped. And after, when we were dancing, she realized she was wrong about you.” He let go of my wrists to slide his hands into my hair, tilting my head back so I couldn’t look away. “I spent last night going over and over the last six months in my head and I know that you’re lying to me. I know you love me, Selena, because there’s no f**king way I can be this much in love with you, and not have you feel the same way. It’s not possible.”

Heart pounding, fear clawing at my throat, I tried to swallow it down. “So what the hell was this morning?”

He squeezed my nape and bent his head closer to mine, his eyes definitely still dark with anger. “You’re not untrustworthy, you’re not cold and you’re not a bitch. You have… issues. I get that. We all have issues. But once I realized you were lying to me, I began to understand why. You think you never gave yourself away with me. You think you have time to backpedal and pretend nothing happened between us, because that way if anything ever happens to me, you can tell yourself you don’t care, and you don’t feel the pain.”

Oh my God, he was a goddamn psychic now.

“You’re also bloody good at pretending you don’t feel anything. I thought if I could hurt you this morning, I might get the proof I needed that you were lying.”

I pinned him with a look that said I wanted to rip his balls off. “So you told me you had slept with someone else?”

He nodded gently and brushed an apologetic kiss across my lips. “Sorry, babe. I did it to get to the truth… but if I’m honest I did it to hurt you the way you hurt me last night.” His eyes filled with remorse. “I’m really sorry. I never want to put that look on your face again, or ever make you cry again, I swear. But the truth is, you did cry. You cried because the thought of me doing that to you ripped you apart. You love me.”

I tried to gather my thoughts, my panic sending them scattering. There was too much to deal with, too much to discuss, and it all had to be later because Ellie needed us. “One: that was the shittiest thing in the world to do. Two: we can’t do this right now.”

“We’re not leaving this kitchen until you admit you love me.”

“Justin, I mean it.” I pushed at him sternly and he let me go, although he didn’t step back. “I’m still broken up with you. I’m not changing my mind.”

His eyes looked to the heavens and I watched him wrestle with his patience. Finally his gaze cut back to me and I could see the muscle in his jaw twitching. “Why not?” He bit out.

I wouldn’t explain it to him. He’d just find some way to argue around it and I just… no! “Because I just won’t. Now, we have a long day in front of us and a possibly even longer few months, so just… let it go.”

“Okay.” Justin threw up his hands and stepped back. I was just about to sigh with a small kind of relief when he spoke again, “For now.”

Oh hell. “What?”

He grinned at me, and it was a boyish weary grin aiming for wicked, but too tired and worried to reach it. “I love you. You’re mine. I’ll kill any bastard who tries to take you from me. So, here’s how it’s going to go: Ellie comes first, but while we’re taking care of her you can be as pig-headed as you want and pretend that we’re broken up. I’ll even let you. But I’m also going to be here, every day, showing you what you’re missing.”

My cheeks were still wet, my eyes swollen, and I knew I must look a mess, but right then I didn’t care. Part of me was overwhelmed and in awe. The other half of me was scared shitless. And holding on to both of their leashes was my headstrong persistence. “Are you insane? I’m not changing my mind.”

“Yes you will.” Justin sighed. “We’re going to need each other through this. All of us. But if you can’t do that, then I’m going to play hardball. I’m going to do whatever it takes. Some of it will frustrate you, some of it will turn you on, and some of it will hopefully really piss you off.”

“You are insane.”

“No.” We spun around to see Ellie standing in the kitchen doorway in her bathrobe, wearing a small, exhausted but determined smile. “He’s fighting for what he wants.”

“He’s not the only one,” I heard Adam’s voice as the front door opened and shut, and Ellie turned in the doorway to look out into the hall.

We waited as his footsteps approached and then he was there beside her.

Christ, he looked like hell. I’d never seen Adam unshaven before, and he was wearing a ratty old t-shirt, a parka and jeans that had seen way better days. He had dark circles under his eyes to rival Justin’s and desperation was etched in every molecule of his expression.

Adam took Ellie’s hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes closing as he pressed his mouth to her skin. When he opened them I saw tears shimmering there, and felt my throat close up. I watched Ellie’s breath catch as he tugged on her hand and pulled her into the kitchen with him to face Justin. All of sudden Adam looked a little sick. “I need to tell you something.”

Justin crossed his arms over his chest, frowning as he took in the two of them standing close together. “Go on.”

Adam closed his eyes briefly and then when he opened them I saw determination that I admired in the face of his bulldozer of a friend. “You’re like a brother. I would never do anything to hurt you. And I know I haven’t been what a brother would consider good material for his wee sister, but I love Ellie, Justin. I have for a long time now and I can’t not be with her. I’ve wasted too much time as it is.”

Ellie and I held our breaths as the two best friends faced off.

Justin’s eyes went to Ellie, his expression not giving anything away. God, he could be an intimidating a-hole when he wanted to be. “Do you love him?”

Adam looked back at her and she squeezed his arm. With a small smile she turned to her brother. “Yes.”

Justin shrugged and reached casually over to the kettle to turn it on. “About bloody time. You two were giving me a headache.”

My mouth fell open along with Adam and Ellie’s. Not once the entire time we’d been dating did Justin let on that he knew what was going on with Adam and Ellie. That sneaky bastard.

“You really are a know-it-all pain in the ass,” I announced snarkily, brushing by him rudely. I stopped quickly at Ellie and Adam to say, “I’m happy for you.” And then I hurried by them down the hall to the bathroom to get away from Justin and his perceptive, growly, inflexible ass.

I heard Justin’s soft, scratchy laugh, his delicious voice echoing in my head as he countered, “She loves me, really.”

For the first time in a really long time, I called in sick at work that night. Ellie hadn’t wanted a huge fuss made about the appointment at the hospital so she’d decided on allowing just Elodie and Clark to take her to meet with the neurologist. I was a little surprised that it was on a Saturday, but Justin had swooped in and did some sweet-talking—more like growly string-pulling since he knew someone on the hospital board—to get the neurologist to see them as soon as possible.

Elodie and Clark had picked her up, dropped Hannah and Declan off with us, and taken Ellie away an hour ago. Justin and Adam didn’t leave. The five of us sat in the sitting room, staring at the clock, staring at our phones. I got up to pee. Justin made some more coffee. Adam didn’t move once.

Two hours later, Hannah was tucked into my side, Justin was watching Declan who’d fallen asleep in the other armchair, and Adam had his eyes closed so tight with worry that Hannah even noticed and reached across to squeeze his hand. Adam shot her a grateful smile and I kissed her soft hair, my heart hurting because she was just as much of a sweetheart as the one we were all worried about.

The front door opened.

We all shot to our feet. Well, not Declan. He woozily woke up and kind of fell onto his feet.

Elodie entered the sitting room first, but I couldn’t gauge her expression. I glanced behind her to see Clark with his arm around Ellie’s shoulder, and I swear to God I had to keep myself from bursting into tears.

“What happened?” Adam moved towards her and Clark immediately let Ellie go.

Ellie sunk into Adam’s side and smiled tremulously. “Let’s sit. I’ll explain.”

“I’ll make us all some tea.” Elodie nodded and headed back out of the room as we all sat, our butts right at the edge of our seats.

Ellie heaved a deep sigh. “Good news is that my tumor is actually a big cist with two small tumors on it. It’s sitting on the surface of the top right side of my brain so they can remove all of it. Dr. Dunham thinks that in all likelihood the tumors are benign. He thinks it’s been there a long while and that it’s just gotten slowly bigger and needs to come out for obvious reasons. I’ll have surgery, scheduled in two weeks’ time, and they’ll send the tumor off for biopsy.” Ellie smiled, her lips trembling a little. “I’m a little scared about the surgery, but Dr. Dunham was really confident and said that the risk in this kind of surgery is like 2% and the possibility of the tumor being cancerous is really very small.”

At once we all let go of our breaths, relief cascading over us in a huge wave that almost knocked us off our chairs. Justin rushed Ellie before anyone else could, squeezing her up into his arms until she told him she couldn’t breathe, and while he did that Clark reassured Declan, who was still a little sleepy that Ellie, was in all likelihood going to be okay. Justin finally let his little sister down with a loud smack of a kiss on her forehead and before she could even catch her breath Adam was on her, kissing her right on the mouth in front of everyone. A real kiss too. Ballsy.

“Well, it’s about time,” Clark sighed.

Ellie laughed against Adam’s mouth at that one. Obviously she was just now realizing I’d been right all along. She and Adam had been anything but subtle these last few months.

“What’s funny?” Elodie asked, bustling back into the room.

I took that opportunity to haul Ellie into my arms. “Worst twenty four hours in a very long time, my friend.”

She pulled back to look at me. “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

I sighed heavily and then looked at the tea and coffee Elodie had brought into the room. I gave her an apologetic look as I said, “I don’t think that’s strong enough.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Do you have anything stronger in the house?”

“Not really.” I glanced at Ellie. “But there is the pub just a few doors down from us that we’ve never been into yet. Maybe it’s time. I think there’s a possibility they’ll have something stronger.”

“Strong sounds good to me.”

“And me,” Clark agreed.

“We have the kids,” Elodie complained.

I grabbed my purse sitting on the coffee table. “They’re allowed into a pub if they’re with an adult. They can have a Coke.”

Elodie didn’t look too sure.

I smiled reassuringly. “It’s just one drink. A celebratory drink at that.”

“Clark can have a drink. I’ll drive,” Elodie relented and we grabbed our things to leave.

Elodie and Clark shuffled the kids out first. Adam had his arm around Ellie and she was tucked in close to him, looking amazingly happy for someone who had major surgery coming up in a few weeks’ time. Then again, for over twenty four hours we’d all been convinced she had cancer only to discover she probably didn’t… and of course she finally had Adam right where she wanted him.

That left me and Justin to trail at the back, and I got the first taste of what he’d meant earlier. His fingers brushed my lower back to guide me out of the door and it was so deliberate it wasn’t funny.

He knew I was sensitive there.

I tried to hold back the shiver as I turned to lock the apartment, but Justin got in my way, so when I turned I collided with him.

“Sorry.” He smirked, moving slowly so my br**sts brushed against his chest.

I felt my ni**les harden and flinched at the heat that pulsed between my legs. My look was scathing. “Sure you are.”

Justin laughed softly as I leaned down to lock the door, and then I felt his shadow fall over me. I glanced up to my right to see his hand pressed against the door near my head. I twisted around to look up at him, only to find he’d cocooned himself around me. “Need a hand?”

I narrowed my eyes into slits. “Back off before I turn your balls into a keyring.”

I could tell he tried really hard not to laugh. Unfortunately not hard enough. “Babe, you’ve got to know when you say shit like that, it just makes me love you more.”

“You sound like a very bad villain/stalker right now.”

“I don’t care how I sound, as long as it’s working.”

“It’s not working.”

“A few more days of it and it will.” He brushed a quick kiss across my cheek and then abruptly pulled away before I could kill him.

“Come on guys,” Ellie called to us from further up the sidewalk. Elodie, Clark and the kids must have already gone inside. “What’s taking so long?”

“Selena was just begging for sex, but I told her it was a highly inappropriate time for it,” Justin answered loudly, causing passersby to chuckle at him.

Furious at him for so many reasons, I rushed down our stoop towards them. “That’s okay, sweetheart,” I answered just as loudly. “I have a toy that does a better job of it anyway.” With that I slammed into the pub where he couldn’t hound me in front of the kids.

And although immature —and yes highly inappropriate considering the reason we were going for a drink—I couldn’t help but feel satisfied I’d finally got the last word in.

***

I admit it. I was a big fat coward.

I didn’t meet with Rhian and James on Monday like I’d promised. Instead I emailed her, explaining Ellie’s situation and that I didn’t want to leave her alone at the moment. If Rhian thought it was weird I couldn’t take just two hours out of the day to see her, she didn’t let on. If she thought it was weird I was emailing her instead of calling her, she didn’t let on.

The truth was I barely saw Ellie over the next few days because Adam had practically moved into her bedroom and the two of them only came out of there for snacks and bathroom breaks.

I didn’t want to see Rhian and James. That was the truth.

And why?

Because not too long ago I had spewed crap down the phone to Rhian about not running from James because she was afraid of what the future might hold for them, and I really wasn’t in the mood to get a lecture from Rhian about breaking up with Justin and being a total hypocrite.

My story with Justin was entirely different. It was.

Really.

Okay.

I was just scared. No. Terrified. And I had every right to be. I just had to look at the way I’d reacted to Ellie’s situation to know that Justin would be in for a tough, neurotic life with me. Plus, my life had been so much calmer without him in it. I rarely worried about anything, my emotions were pretty stable, I had, if not peace, then quiet. Being with Justin was tumultuous and, really when I thought about it, exhausting. Take out the amazing sex and all that you’re left with is a bunch of ugly emotions. Worry—that he might get bored and stop liking me. Jealousy— I’d never been the jealous girlfriend before meeting Justin, but now my claws got all sharp anytime I saw a woman flirting with him. Fear for him—as if I didn’t have enough to worry about for myself, now it freaking mattered to me if he was happy or healthy. And it mattered more. That just was not cool.

I liked pre-Justin Selena.

She was spunky and cool and independent.

Post-Justin Selena was kind of a mushy asshat.

It didn’t help matters that Justin had kept to his word. He turned up at the apartment any chance he could, and even though I told him that Ellie was pre-occupied, he still hung around.

***

“I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed me. Right here.” I pointed angrily to my neck. “Can I not have him committed or something?”

Dr. Pritchard snorted. “For loving you?”

I drew back, shaking my head in disgust. “Dr. Pritchard,” I admonished softly. “Whose side are you on?”

“Justin’s.”

***

Wednesday night, two days after Christmas, and I was covering for a colleague at the bar. Ellie’s surgery was in two days.

I’d had an exhausting week of dodging Justin, and, whenever she came out of her room, trying to calm Ellie down about her surgery. Dodging Justin wasn’t so easy. Even though Darren, his manager at Fire, had had to quit because his wife was pregnant and she demanded he get a normal nine-to-five—Justin got him a job as a manager in one of the city hotels a friend owned—and that meant training his new manager, Justin had still found time to come around and bother me. There was the sink incident—which I may have overreacted to because it reminded me of a memory I had of my parents— the walking in while I was having a shower to ask me where the television remote was incident, the eating his lunch in the kitchen without a shirt on incident—he said he ‘accidentally’ spilled coffee down it and had to put it in the washer/dryer— and there were the many, many ‘looking at me for no reason’ incidents. I swear to God he was wearing on my panties. I had been this close to just giving in when he started to back off a little.

Of course I wouldn’t have given in anyway.

Because I could see the big picture.

He’d started the cool down a few days before Christmas, and was even on pretty good behavior when we had Christmas dinner with Ellie’s family. The only awkward moment came when we had to exchange gifts. We’d both bought our gifts a while ago, and they were more meaningful than what two mere friends would give each other. Justin had managed to get me a signed copy of my favorite book by my most favorite author. How he pulled that off, I don’t know. Oh, and did I mention the stunning diamond tennis bracelet? Uh huh. I got him a first edition of his favorite book, Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises. It was the most elaborate gift I’d ever bought, but it was worth it to see the way he smiled at me when he opened it.

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[anavoliselenu]

Dublin street chapter 16

I shook my head defiantly. “We should just end it now. All the mystery is gone.”

Justin was laughing hard again as he reached down to pull me up by the waist. I was in the middle of letting him help me when the crash and thud sounded from the kitchen. Our eyes flew to each other, our laughter dying.

“Ellie?” Justin shouted out in question.

Silence.

“Ellie!”

When she didn’t call back, my eyes widened on his and I jumped to my feet because Justin had already let me go to run through the apartment.

“Ellie!” I heard him cry out, and the fear in his voice had me picking up speed.

The sight that greeted me in the kitchen floored me. I stood frozen, watching as Justin kneeled on the floor, his hands hovering over Ellie whose body twitched in convulsions, her eyes fluttering rapidly, her mouth slack. “Ellie?” Justin’s pale face snapped up to me. “Call 999. I think she’s having some kind of seizure.”

I rushed out of the room, adrenaline making my hands shake and my coordination clumsy as I grabbed for the phone on my bedside table and dropped it. Fumbling, I cursed, utter fear choking me as I hurried back into the hall as the operator picked up. “Emergency, what service do you require? Fire, police or ambulance?”

“She just passed out.” Justin sat next to her helpless as her body went limp. “I don’t know what do? Fuck, I don’t know what to do.”

“Ambulance.” I heard the line go on hold and then two seconds later the ambulance control room picked up. “My roommate,” I spoke breathlessly into the phone, panicking because Justin of all people was panicking. “We heard a crash and we rushed into the kitchen and she was convulsing and now she’s unconscious.”

“What telephone number are you calling from?”

I rhymed it off impatiently.

“What is your exact location?”

Trying not to get angry at the robo-speak of the woman on the end of the line, I rhymed the address off too.

“Is this your roommate’s first seizure?”

“Yes!” I snapped.

“What age is your roommate?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Is she breathing?”

“She’s breathing, Justin, right?”

He nodded, his jaw clenched as he watched me.

“Okay, can you move your roommate into the recovery position as a precaution?”

“Recovery position,” I repeated to Justin and watched as he immediately re-arranged her gently.

“The ambulance is on its way. Please keep any pets out of the way of the ambulance crew when they arrive.”

“We don’t have pets.”

“Okay. Please stay on the line until the ambulance arrives.”

“Justin,” I whispered, still shaking. “What’s going on?”

He shook his head as he brushed Ellie’s hair off her face. “I don’t know.”

A noise drew us up tense.

A noise from Ellie.

I rushed over to them, falling to my knees to bend over her. Another groan escaped Ellie’s mouth as her head turned slowly. “Wha…” her eyes flickered open, dazed. And then they widened as she saw us hovering over her. “What happened?”

***

Despite regaining consciousness, the paramedics took Ellie away in the ambulance and Justin and I jumped into a cab to follow them to the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh. Justin called Elodie and Clark, and he called Adam. When we arrived there was a lot of waiting around and no one really telling us anything, and when Elodie, Clark and Adam arrived there was still no word.

“We left the kids with our neighbor,” Elodie whispered, her eyes wide with fear. “What happened?”

Justin explained as I stood silently by, my mind racing over all the worst outcomes. Being in the hospital was freaking me out, and I just wanted Ellie to come out and tell us everything was okay. I didn’t think I could handle anything else.

“Ellie Carmichael’s family?” a nurse called and we all stampeded her. She stared at us wide-eyed. “Are you all immediate family?”

“Yes,” Justin answered before Adam or I could respond.

“Come with me.”

Ellie was waiting for us, sitting up with her legs dangling off the side of a bed in the ER. She gave us a typical little girl Ellie wave and my heart lurched in my chest.

“What’s going on?” Elodie rushed to her side and Ellie grabbed at her mother’s hand reassuringly.

“Ellie’s family?”

We turned to find a forty-something bookish-looking doctor hovering over us. “Yes,” we all said in unison and Ellie cracked an exhausted smile.

“I’m Dr. Ferguson. We’re sending Ellie up for an MRI as soon as it becomes available.”

“An MRI?” Justin’s features grew taut as he glanced back at his sister. “What’s going on, Els?”

Her eyes were wide as she took us all in, our worry blasting out at her. “I haven’t felt right for a while.”

“What do you mean felt right?” Adam asked impatiently, crowding her, his bristling, angry intimidation making Ellie flinch.

“Adam.” I pulled on his shoulder to get him to ease up but he just shrugged me off.

“I think the doctor was wrong about me needing glasses,” Ellie admitted quietly.

Dr. Ferguson cleared his throat, obviously feeling he should come to his patient’s rescue. “Ellie has told us she’s been dealing with headaches, numbness and tingling in her right arm, a lack of energy, some lack of coordination, and today she had her first seizure. We’re just sending her up for an MRI to check everything’s okay.”

“Numbness?” I muttered, glancing at her arm, images of her squeezing it, shaking it, flooding over me. The amount of times she’d told me she had a headache. Fuck.

“I’m sorry, Selena. I just didn’t want to admit I was feeling so rubbish.”

“I can’t believe this,” Elodie sagged against Clark. “You should have told us.”

Ellie’s lip trembled. “I know.”

“When will the MRI be ready?” Justin asked, his voice low and demanding.

Dr. Ferguson didn’t seem to be intimidated. “I’ll take Ellie up as soon as it’s free, but there are a few patients booked in before her.”

And so the waiting began.

~21~

After hours and hours of waiting, Ellie was sent home after the MRI. We were told because of the screw up her doctor had made not sending her for an MRI earlier that they’d request that the results be given as soon as possible. This still meant up to a two week wait. In the end we waited ten days, and those ten days were awful. A kind of blank numbness fell over us all as all the worst outcomes raced through our heads. I went to see Dr. Pritchard but I couldn’t even bring myself to talk about what was going on with me. It was a quiet session.

The whole ten days were a quiet session—the three of us sitting in the apartment, taking calls from Adam and Elodie, but not really saying anything. There was lots of tea and coffee-making, takeout, and television. But no discussion. It was like the fear had put a lock down on any meaningful conversations. And for the first time since we’d started seeing each other, Justin and I shared a bed without having sex. I didn’t know what to do for him, so I let him take the lead—when we did have sex it was slow and gentle. When we didn’t, Justin would roll me onto my side and wrap an arm around me, pulling me back into him, his head resting next to mine. I wrapped my own arm over his, hooked my foot around his leg and let him fall asleep against me like this.

***

Dr. Ferguson called and asked Ellie to come in to speak with him.

That was bad. That sounded bad. I stared at Ellie after she got off the phone and everything I’d been holding under, controlling, just burst apart at the seams. I saw the fear in Ellie’s eyes and I was so consumed by my own I couldn’t say anything to her that would help, so I didn’t say anything at all. Justin accompanied her to her appointment and I waited in the apartment—the big, cold, silent apartment—staring at the Christmas tree, disbelieving that Christmas was only ten days away.

The two hours they were gone I had to sit my ass on that steel trap door of mine to keep it closed. Or I wouldn’t be able to breathe.

When I heard the apartment door open everything felt lethargic, like we were moving underwater, struggling slowly against the weight. The sitting room door opened and Justin walked in, his face so pale and eyes so glazed, that I knew before I even looked at a tear-streaked Ellie. I knew what fear felt like when it was pulsing from a person, I knew how grief could thicken the air, how it could slam into your chest and cause pain through your whole body. Your eyes, your head, your arms, your legs, even your gums.

“They found something. A tumor. ”

My eyes flew to Ellie and she shrugged at me, her mouth trembling. “They’ve referred me to a neurologist, Dr. Dunham at The Western General. I’ve to go in and speak with him tomorrow about everything. About the next step. Whether it’s surgery. Whether it’s malignant or not,” Ellie finished.

This was not happening.

How had I let this happen?

I took a step back, confused, angry, disbelieving that this was happening again.

It was all my fault.

I’d let them in, I’d broken my rules, and I was back at square f**king one!

Shit.

Shit!

SHIT!

But the terrified screams only echoed in my head. To Ellie I gave her a stoic nod. “You’ll be fine. We don’t know anything yet.”

But I knew. I knew. I was a curse. I knew I couldn’t be this happy. I knew that something bad would happen. What had I done to Ellie?

Ellie? I hurt for her. I wanted to take away her fear. I wanted her to be okay.

But I didn’t do any of that.

Instead I shoved her under my steel trap door. “I’ve got my shift at the bar tonight. I’m going to get in some gym time before then.” I nodded at them robotically and made to move past them.

“Selena?” Justin grabbed my arm, his eyes full of apprehension and fear. And disbelief at my attitude. He needed me.

I didn’t want to need him.

I tugged my arm back gently and gave him a brittle smile. “I’ll see you both later.”

And then I walked out, leaving them alone with their fears.

***

I didn’t go to the gym. I went to Edinburgh Castle before it closed. The walk up the Royal Mile to Castlehill was brisk and frosty, the cold biting into my cheeks, my lungs seeming to work extra hard against the winter air. Once I crossed the drawbridge, I paid for my ticket, and then strolled under the stone arch and took the pebbled walkway that swept upwards on the right. I headed on up the main thoroughfare, and sketched right to the castle walls. There I stopped, standing by Mons Meg, one of the world’s oldest cannons, and together we stared out over the city. Even in the slightly misty frost, the city was breathtaking from here. I paid the not so inexpensive entry fee to the castle just for this view. And I guess for the majesty of it all. It was where I believed I could find a little peace, and I did this whenever I panicked about never, ever finding the long-lasting peace I sought. Today I needed this.

Blazing through the last few months, burying my head in the sand, pretending there weren’t consequences to loving people, had gotten me where I was. Only six months of making the change into the ‘new me’ and the floor had been ripped out from underneath me again.

That was selfish.

I knew that.

Ellie was the one suffering here, not me.

But that wasn’t true either.

Ellie Carmichael was one of a kind. She was sweet, kind, sort of goofy, funny, big-hearted… and my family. The first family I’d had since losing my own. I felt protective of her, I hurt when she hurt, I thought about her happiness, and what I could to do to help her get whatever would make her happy. Not even my relationship with Rhian had been as close.

I was almost as close with Ellie as I had been with Dru.

And now I was going to lose Ellie as well.

I sunk down to the ice-cold stone ground beside the cannon and wrapped my arms around my body in an effort to choke out the pain. It occurred to me that if I rewrote it all in my head, then maybe I wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe, Ellie and I weren’t that close. Maybe we never had been. If that were true, then losing her would be okay.

I jumped suddenly at the sound of my cell ringing. Stomach leaden with dread, I pulled it out and exhaled in relief when I saw it was Rhian calling.

“Hey,” I answered hoarsely.

“Yo, bitch,” Rhian called down the line, sounding surprisingly chipper. “How’s it hanging? I’m just calling to let you know that James and I are flying into Edinburgh in three days and then heading through to Falkirk to stay with his mum over Christmas. We’re going to nip into see you before we get the train, so I need your address, hon.”

Awful timing. “Things are kind of weird at the apartment at the moment. Can I meet you for coffee instead?”

“Jesus, Selena, you sound like hell. Is everything okay?”

I don’t want to talk about it over the phone. “I’ll explain when I see you. Coffee?”

“Yeah, okay,” she still sounded worried, “The coffee shop in the bookstore on Princes Street. Three o’ Clock, Monday.”

“See you then.” I hung up, my eyes scanning the view and then travelling upwards into the white clouds with their pale bellies and grumpy faces. It was just a vast array of weightless, floating fluff. Their bellies weren’t dark or heavy.

Without the weight, there was no rain.

***

Jo grabbed me before I could take my next customer’s order and she tugged me all the way back into the staff room. Her hands flew to her hips, her eyebrows drawn together. “You’re acting really weird.”

I shrugged, enjoying the blanket of numbness I’d found and promptly wrapped around myself. “I’m just tired.”

“No.” Jo took a step forward, her face etched with concern. “There’s something going on here with you, Selena. Look, I know we’re not really close, but you’ve always been there for me when I go on and on about my problems, so if you need to talk to me, I’m here.”

I don’t want you to be there for me. “I’m fine.”

She shook her head. “You’ve got this, like, dead look in your eyes, Selena. You’re scaring the crap out of me and Craig. Has something happened? Did something happen with Justin?”

No. And it’s not going to. “No.”

“Selena?”

“Jo, it’s really busy out there, can we not do this?”

She flinched and then bit her lip uneasily. “Okay.”

I nodded and spun on my heel, heading back into the bar to get on with it. I saw Jo sidle up to Craig and whisper something to him. His head whipped around to stare at me.

“Selena, what the f**k is going on with you, sweetheart?”

I flipped him off as an answer.

Craig shot Jo a look. “I don’t think she wants to talk about it.”

***

To my utter shock, Justin was waiting outside of Club 39 for me. My shift had whipped by in a blur. I couldn’t even remember doing anything, so it took me a moment to come out of the fog and recognize him. He stood leaning against the wrought-iron railing, unshaved, staring down at the ground in grim contemplation, his hands shoved into the pockets of his smart, double-breasted wool coat. He turned as I stepped up onto the sidewalk and I almost flinched at the sight of him. His hair was more unkempt than usual, his eyes dark and bloodshot.

For a moment, I almost forgot that everything we’d had these last few months no longer existed. It was buried under the steel trap door. I crossed my arms over my chest, frowning up at him. “Shouldn’t you be with Ellie?”

Justin’s gaze was probing as he looked down at me. My heart hurt. He looked so young and vulnerable. I didn’t like seeing him like that. “I gave her a little whiskey. She cried herself to sleep. I thought I’d come get you.”

“You should have stayed with her.” I made to walk past him and he grabbed my arm tight, almost painfully, hauling me to a stop.

When I looked up at him, he looked less vulnerable and more pissed off. This was a Justin I recognized, and strangely, felt easier dealing with. “Like you should have stayed this afternoon?”

“I had stuff to do,” I replied blankly.

His eyes narrowed as he pulled my body into his. Like always I had to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. “You had stuff to do?” he asked in furious disbelief. “You had a f**king friend who needed you. What the hell was that, Selena?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He shook his head slowly. “Don’t,” he whispered hoarsely, dipping his head so our noses were almost touching. “Don’t do this. Not now. Whatever shit your spinning in that head of yours, stop. She needs you, babe.” He swallowed hard, his eyes glimmering in the streetlights. “I need you.”

I felt that familiar choking in the bottom of my throat. “I didn’t ask you to need me,” I whispered back.

I saw it. The hurt flickered across his face before he quickly banked it. Abruptly, he let go of me. “Fine. I don’t have time for your multitude of emotional issues. I have a wee sister who may or may not have brain cancer, and she needs me, even if you don’t. But I’ll tell you something, Selena,” he stepped forward, pointing a finger in my face, his own hardened with anger, “If you don’t see her through this, you’ll hate yourself for the rest of your life. You can pretend that you don’t give a shit about me, but you can’t pretend Ellie means f**k all to you. I’ve seen you. Do you hear me?” He hissed, his hot breath blowing across my face, his words cutting through my soul. “You love her. You can’t sweep that under the rug because it’s easier to pretend she means nothing to you than it is to bear the thought of losing her. She deserves better than that.”

I closed my eyes in pain, hating that he could see so deep inside of me. And he was right. Ellie deserved better than my cowardice. I couldn’t hide from what I felt for her because everyone had seen it and understood it. She had seen it and understood it. How could I desert her when I was the one who’d let our friendship happen? For her, I would have to be brave, even if it took everything I had left. “I’ll be there for her,” I found myself promising. I opened my eyes, hoping he could see my sincerity. “You’re right. I’ll be there for her.”

Justin squeezed his eyes closed, exhaling heavily. When he opened them, there was a tenderness in them again that I told myself I hadn’t missed for the last five minutes. “Jesus. We lost you there for a few hours. What are we going to do with you, Selena butler?” He reached an arm out as if to wrap me close to him, and I dodged it, stepping back.

“You should go home and get some rest. I’ll see to Ellie tonight.”

Justin tensed, his eyes searching again, his jaw clenched. “Selena?”

“Just go home, Justin.” I turned to leave but he grabbed my hand.

“Selena, look at me.”

I tried to tug my hand loose but he wouldn’t let go, and it took everything within me to harden my features as I glanced back to face him. “Let go, Justin.”

“What are you doing?” he asked, sounding like he’d swallowed sandpaper.

“We’ll talk about this later. Now is not the time. This is about Ellie.”

Looking dangerous now, dangerous and determined, Justin glowered at me. “Don’t even think about breaking up with me.”

“Can we talk about this later?”

Instead of answering, Justin yanked me hard against him and crushed his mouth over mine. I could taste the Scotch and desperation on his tongue as his hand held my head against his, the kiss deep, wet and bruising. I couldn’t breathe. I pushed against his chest, making a noise of distress and he let me go. Well his mouth did. His arms still bound me tight.

“Let me go,” I whimpered, my lips swollen and sore.

“No,” he breathed harshly. “I’m not letting you do this to us. I don’t believe for a second I don’t mean anything to you.”

You don’t have a choice. “I can’t do this with you.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t.”

“Then I don’t accept that.”

I struggled in his arms, glaring up at him. “If I break up with you, you have to accept it!”

Fire-breathing Justin appeared almost instantly. “No, I f**king don’t!”

“Hey, you alright there?” a drunk guy drew our attention and we jerked our heads around. He was squinting at me and Justin locked together and it suddenly occurred to me that we were arguing on George Street on a Friday night where there were still people around to hear us.

“We’re fine,” Justin told him calmly, still not letting me go.

The drunk guy looked at me. “You sure about that?”

Not wanting this to descend into a fight—the last thing Justin needed right now—I nodded. “We’re cool.”

The drunk eyed us again and then deciding we could work it out ourselves, he turned around and started hailing for a cab.

I glared back at Justin. “Let me go.”

“No.”

“You can’t caveman you’re way out of this.” I couldn’t meet his gaze as the pain and the lies bubbled up out of me. “I care about you, Justin, I do. You’re my friend. But this has gone on too long.”

“You’re afraid. I get it,” he bent to murmur comfortingly in my ear. “I know why you ran today, and I know why you’re running now. But shit happens, babe, there’s no protecting against it. You also can’t let it take over your life and rule your relationships with people. We need to enjoy the time we have, however long it’s going to be. Stop running.”

He should you have been a therapist.

I tried to let me body relax, and I ignored the horrendous churning in my stomach. “That’s why I’m ending it. Life is short. We should be with the people we love.”

Justin froze against me and I waited breathless, hoping for the strength to continue the lie. Slowly, he pulled away from me, his eyes hard as he gazed into mine. “You’re lying.”

Yes. I’m lying, babe. But I won’t survive you. And worse, you won’t survive me. “I’m not. I don’t love you, and after everything you’ve been through you deserve someone who loves you.”

His arms fell away from me, but not even like he meant to let go. He looked shocked. I think he was in shock. I took the opportunity to step back from him, afraid if I stayed close, I’d eventually let go of my steely resolve and tell him I was such a goddamn liar and I didn’t want him to ever let me go.

But I’d been selfish enough for one day.

“You love me,” he argued, his voice soft, low. “I’ve seen it.”

I gulped and forced myself to meet his eyes. “I care about you, but there’s a big difference.”

For a moment, I wasn’t sure if he was going to say anything, and then his eyes dulled and he gave me a sharp nod. “Alright then.”

“You’re letting me go?”

He curled his upper lip, his expression painfully bitter as he took a step back from me. “Apparently… I never had a hold of you.” He turned sharply, and without another word began striding down the street into the dark.

Justin never once looked back and that was a good thing.

If he had, he’d have seen Selena Butler crying real tears for the first time in a long time, and he would have known that I’d lied. And lied big. For anyone who saw me, knew they were watching a heart in the process of it breaking.

***

“I don’t think that’s the healthiest thing you’ve ever done, Selena, do you?” Dr. Pritchard asked quietly, her brows drawn together.

“It was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

“Why do you think that?”

“If I tell Justin the truth, that I love him, he will never back down. He’s tenacious like that. And then he might spend the rest of his life with me.”

“And that would be a bad thing?”

“Well, yeah,” I responded irritably. “Did you not hear what I did to Ellie and him? I am so terrified of losing again that I pull shit like that.”

“Yes, but you’re aware now that that’s what you do. That’s a step in the right direction.”

“No it’s not. I have issues a mile long and I can’t promise that I won’t do that to him, over and over again. That’s not fair to him. Justin’s trust was broken once before by a woman he thought he loved. If I stayed with him and kept pulling that crap, I’d be breaking his trust over and over again. And he doesn’t deserve that.”

Dr. Pritchard cocked her head to the side. “That’s not up to you to decide. Surely that’s up to Justin to decide. And you don’t know for sure if you would keep pulling that crap, as you say. Being with Justin might help you through it. He might help you.”

“It didn’t help. Being with him didn’t help.”

“He talked you into being there for Ellie, and you have been. I’d say he helped.”

Stubborn determination gripped me. “I’m not telling him the truth. What I’m doing is best for him.”

“What I’m trying to say, Selena, is perhaps you should stop being a martyr. Perhaps what Justin thinks is best for him is having you in his life. And perhaps he’s willing to work through your anxiety and deal with your mile-high defenses.”

“Maybe you’re right.” I nodded, my eyes blazed as I tried to lock out the hurtful thought of Justin and me with a future together. “Maybe I am a martyr. And maybe he would. But he deserves better than that struggle. He deserves to be content in his relationship, the way my father was with my mother. And if their love has shown me anything, it’s that Justin’s right. Life is too damn short.”

***

Once the rain starts falling it’s hard to tell it to stop. I guess it stops in its own time. My tears, like the rain, kept falling as I made my way home through blurry vision. In truth it’s difficult to describe a broken heart. All I know is that unimaginable pain centers in your chest and radiates out, this throbbing, sharp ache that causes almost incapacitation. But there’s more than the ache. Denial lodges itself in your throat, and that lump is its own kind of pain. The affliction of heartbreak can also be found in a knot in your stomach. The knot contracts and expands, contracts and expands, until you’re pretty sure you’re not going to be able to hold down the vomit.

I somehow managed to hold onto at least that much of my dignity.

As soon as I got back to the apartment, through the pain of throwing away Justin came the fear. I stared down the hall at Ellie’s bedroom door, and I had to stop myself from going back on my promise not to run from her.

So I did the opposite.

I kicked off my boots, shrugged out of my coat and crept silently into her darkened room. In the moonlight shining through her window, I saw Ellie curled up in a protective ball on her side. I made a move towards her and the floor creaked under my foot, and Ellie’s eyes flew open immediately.

She gazed up at me, wide-eyed but wary.

That hurt.

I started to cry harder and at the sight of my tears, a tear slid down Ellie’s cheek. Without a word, I crawled onto her bed and right up beside her as she turned onto her back. We lay side by side, my head on her shoulder, and I grabbed her hand and held it in both of mine.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered

“It’s okay,” Ellie’s voice was hoarse with emotion. “You came back.”

And because life was too short… “I love you, Ellie Carmichael. You’re going to get through this.”

I heard her breath hitch on a sob. “I love you too, Selena.”

~22~

That’s how Justin found us the next day—lying with our heads tucked into one another, holding hands, sleeping with dirty, tear-stained cheeks like two little girls.

[anavoliselenu]

Dublin street chapter 12

Time to divert his attention. “So Hannah, did you read the books I recommended?”

Her eyes lit up as she nodded. “They were amazing. I’ve been looking up more dystopian books since.”

“You’ve got Hannah reading dystopian novels?” Adam asked with surprise, smiling at me.

“Yes.”

“She’s fourteen.”

“Well, these are written for fourteen year olds. Anyway, I was taught 1984 when I was fourteen.”

“George Orwell,” Clark muttered.

I grinned. “Not a fan?”

“Hannah’s reading Animal Farm for English,” he said, as if that explained it.

Hannah was smiling, a little twinkle of devilment in her eyes that reminded me of Ellie. “I’m reading it out loud to mum and dad so they can help me.”

In other words, she was torturing her mum and dad for fun. She and Ellie really were full of surprises. Angels with dirty faces, as they saying goes.

A few minutes later we were sitting around the table, Ellie and Elodie bickering unintelligibly.

“I just said you looked pale.” Elodie eventually sighed as she took her seat with the rest of us.

“Which translates into ‘you look like crap’.”

“I never said that. I asked why you’re pale?”

“I have a headache.” She shrugged, her shoulders tense, her lips and brow pinched.

“Another one?” Adam asked, his eyes narrowed on her.

What did he mean another one? “You’ve had more than one?”

Adam looked angry now, his concern for Ellie bordering on majorly pissed off. “She’s had a few. I’ve told her to get it checked.”

Ellie glowered back at him. “I was at the doctors on Friday. The doctor thinks I need glasses.”

“You should have made an appointment weeks ago.”

“Well, I made it this week!”

“You don’t take care of yourself. You’re running yourself ragged at the university.”

“I do take care of myself. In fact, I was taking care of myself on Friday night but someone ruined my downtime.”

“He was an arse.”

Elodie cleared her throat meaningfully.

Adam held up an apologetic hand. “He was a butt.”

Declan and Hannah giggled. Maybe I did too.

“You don’t even know him. And thanks to you, I never will.”

“Stop changing the subject. I told you to make an appointment with the doctor’s office weeks ago.”

“You’re not my dad.”

“You’re being a child.”

“I’m being a child. Listen to you. He was a butt? What the hell, Adam? You’re making my headache worse.”

He frowned, and lowered his voice. “I’m just worried about you.”

Oh he was worried about her alright. I tilted my head to the side, watching him. God, he was looking at her like James looked at Rhian.

Was Adam in love with Ellie?

I stifled the urge to throw my fork at him and tell him to man up. If he cared about her, he should just be with her. What was so difficult about that?

***

“I would think you of all people would understand what was so difficult about that?” Dr. Pritchard frowned at me.

And I would know this… how? “Um… what?”

“You cared about Kyle Ramsey.”

I felt the knot in my stomach appear as it always did when I thought about him. “He was just a boy.”

“Who you didn’t want to care about because of Dru.”

Shit. She was right. I hung my head in my pain. “Then Adam’s doing the right thing, isn’t he? Justin would just get hurt. Like Dru did.”

“You didn’t kill Dru, Selena.”

I drew in a breath. “I wasn’t the bullet, no. But I was the trigger.” I looked the good doctor in the eye. “It’s still my fault.”

“One day, you’re going to realize that it wasn’t.”

***

After Sunday dinner at Elodie’s where Ellie and Adam acted as our entertainment, I was kind of exhausted watching them by the time we got home. A still not feeling well, and still pissed off, Ellie disappeared into her room and didn’t come out.

I, on the other hand, sat at my computer and started to write.

My phone beeped and I picked it up to find I had a text message from Justin.

I forgot how nice and big my office desk is at the club. I definitely need to f**k you on it.

I shook my head, my lips curled upwards as I text back. Luckily for you, I can work with nice and big.

I got an instant text back. I know ;)

For some reason, Justin texting me a winky face made me grin like an idiot. For someone who was seriously intimidating when he wanted to be, he was also incredibly playful.

So when do you want to schedule me in for office desk sex? Let me know so I can pencil you in. My sex diary is filling up pretty fast here.

When he didn’t reply after five minutes, I bit my lip, remembering how serious he’d been about the whole ‘not sharing me’ thing.

I text him again. It was a joke, Justin. Lighten up.

I didn’t think he was going to reply, and was trying not to worry if I’d said the wrong thing— this whole f**k buddy thing wasn’t quite as stress-free as I’d been led to believe—when my phone beeped five minutes later. Hard to tell with you sometimes. Speaking of hard…

I was caught between laughing and scowling. What did he mean it was hard to tell with me sometimes? Deciding it best to let it go, since he was joking again, I text back … wood floor?

No…

… back book?

Think more anatomical…

… intestines?

OK, you just took the sexy out of it.

I laughed out loud, quickly texting him back. Last text. I’m working on my novel. I’ll see you and your hard c**k on your nice and big office desk for sex later.

Good luck with the writing, babe. x

The kiss freaked me out.

Better to pretend it was a smiley face. Just a smiley face…

My phone rang in the middle of my freak out over one little kiss. It was Rhian.

“Hey,” I answered breathily, still thinking about the little kiss and what it meant.

“Are you okay?” Rhian asked warily. “You sound… weird.”

“I’m fine. What’s up?”

“Just checking in. We haven’t spoken in a while.”

I took a deep breath. “I’m screwing Ellie’s brother. How are you and James?”

~15~

Justin was the master of the dirty text message. Sometimes he was subtle… other times well…

I can’t wait to be inside you again, babe. x

… not so much.

Buried with work, Justin was A.W.O.L. over the next few days. If I was a different kind of girl, I might have been freaking out that after we’d had sex he’d disappeared, but in all honesty, I enjoyed having that time away from him to breathe. We’d only started ‘our arrangement’ and already it felt like weeks. By Tuesday afternoon, his text messages were starting to get to me. As in… turning me on. It was amazing how for four years I had been fairly okay without sex. I saw to myself and I got by. However, having sex with Justin had awakened my appetite. An apparently never-ending appetite. I wanted food all the time. And only Justin’s food would do. Of course, I didn’t confess this to Rhian, even though she had a bunch of questions about the guy who’d managed to pull me out of my four year dry spell. I told her he was hot. That the sex was hot. The rest of the conversation consisted of her repeating, ‘I just can’t believe it.’

Yeah, that wasn’t very flattering.

Telling Rhian about the hot sex only made me hungrier. That’s why I found myself at the gym. Again. I’d already been there the day before. Pounding my feet into the treadmill, racing the exercise bike and rowing the hell out of the rowing machine, I hoped to burn out all the sexual tension inside of me. It didn’t really help.

“Selena, right?”

I looked at the guy who had stopped by my treadmill. Ah. Gavin. The personal trainer who had been flirting silently with me for the past few weeks, ever since the incident on the treadmill. “Yeah?” I asked casually.

Gavin smiled sweetly at me and I groaned inwardly. One: clean-cut pretty boys weren’t my type. Two: I already had my hands full with a Scotsman. “Back again, so soon.”

Yay, he was watching me. That wasn’t creepy at all. “Uh huh.”

He shifted on his feet, clearly unprepared for my less than enthusiastic response to him barging in on my ‘operation relieve sexual frustration caused by a missing-in-action Justin Carmichael’. “Look, I was just wondering if you maybe fancied getting dinner together some time?”

I stopped the machine and stepped as gracefully off of it as I could, considering I was sweaty and icky. I gave him a platonic smile—you know the one; the pressing of the lips, no teeth showing. “Thanks. But I’m already seeing someone.” I left before he could respond, smiling as I realized that at least the arrangement with Justin had some positives. Not counting multiple orgasms.

After I showered and changed, I left the gym, dodging Gavin, and as soon as I turned on my phone I had a text from Justin.

Make yourself available Thursday night. Business Dinner. Put on a nice dress. I’ll pick you up at 7.30pm. x

I rolled my eyes. It hadn’t even occurred to him I might not be free. Bossy bastard. I text back: Only because you asked so nicely.

Annoyed, I strode down the sidewalk clutching my phone tight in my hand. I’d have to talk to him about his tendency towards obnoxious. My phone beeped and I stopped, still scowling. A scowl that fell away at his one word text: Babe. x

I could hear him say it with a teasing smile in his voice and I shook my head, smiling in exasperation. Jackhole was too damn charming for his own good.

***

Not that I had much to go on about the business dinner – who we would be dining with, or where we would be dining – I did know I didn’t have a dress that would do. So for once I decided to use my money for something frivolous, and head into Harvey Nichols on St. Andrews Square. After two hours of trying on dresses (some of which cost more than my monthly rent), I finally decided on a classy, but sexy Donna Karan dress. In the silhouette of a calf-length pencil dress, the silver-grey jersey material clung to every curve. A drape twisted from the right shoulder to the left hip, adding a touch of elegance to what would normally be just a sexy/casual dress. Adding in a ridiculously expensive black clutch purse by Alexander McQueen with the signature gold skull clasp—I thought the skull appropriate— and black leather platform pumps by Yves Saint Laurent, I looked hot. In fact it was the hottest I’d ever looked. And the most I’d ever spent on one outfit. Ellie was in raptures over it.

Ellie could be in raptures over it all she wanted. I was nervous about Justin’s reaction.

Turns out I didn’t need to be.

Well, depends on how you look at it.

Thursday night, I was standing in the sitting room sipping a glass of wine with Ellie while I waited on Justin. I’d left my hair down and it fell down my back in loose natural curls that Ellie had oohed and aahed over, begging me to wear my hair down all the time. Nope to that. I didn’t really do make up, but I’d put on some blush, mascara, and a deep scarlet lipstick that took the outfit up a notch.

Our front door opened and shut and my stomach flipped.

“It’s me,” Justin called. “I’ve got a cab waiting so we sh-” he stopped speaking as he entered the sitting room, his eyes frozen on me. “Fuck.”

Ellie giggled.

I squinted an eye at him. “Is that a good f**k?”

He grinned. “Well you’re that too, babe.”

“Euch,” Ellie made a choking sound. “Gag me.”

Ignoring her, Justin sauntered casually towards me. He was wearing a simple, but elegantly cut black skinny suit with a slim velvet lapel, white-gold cufflinks and a dark silver-grey shirt that matched my dress perfectly. His skinny tie was blood-red like my lipstick. We had unknowingly coordinated.

He looked yummier than I did though.

His eyes scanned me from head to toe, and by the time they came back up to my face they were blazing. “Come with me.” He grabbed my wrist and I just managed to hand Ellie my wine glass before I was hauled down the hall in shoes I’d had to practice walking in, and dragged into my bedroom.

He spun around, hooking an arm around my waist and tugging me towards him.

“You have got to stop doing that,” I complained.

“Babe, you look… let’s just say if there wasn’t a taxi waiting to take us to the restaurant for our reservation, you’d be on your back right now.”

Overconfident much?

“In fact…” he murmured, squeezing my waist, his eyes dipping to the low neckline of the dress.

“Justin.”

He jerked his eyes back to mine. “You look beautiful, Selena.”

My stomach flipped again and I smiled softly. “Thank you.”

“But you need to put your hair up.”

“What?” I touched my head, scowling up at him. “Why?”

To my utter bewilderment, Justin’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Just do it.”

I made a ‘pfft’ noise and pushed against his chest, stepping out of his hold. “Not unless you tell me why?” My hair looked good. He would not make me think otherwise.

“Because,” his voice was low, a deep purr he reserved for the bedroom, hence why I felt it all the way down into my panties, “I like being the only man who knows how beautiful your hair is. How gorgeous you look with it down.”

Something nudged inside my chest. An almost ache spread. Outwardly, I smirked. “How very Victorian of you.”

Justin’s narrowed eyes turned into a glower. “Selena,” he warned.

I threw my hands up. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.”

“Justin-”

“Selena.”

I stopped, my hands on my hips as I searched his face. It was implacable. My God, he was serious. With a huff of disbelief, I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t take well to orders, Justin.”

“I’m not ordering you. I’m asking.”

“No, you’re demanding.”

“I just don’t want you to wear your hair down.”

“Fine.” I cocked my head to the side as my own eyes deliberately perused the length of him. “I don’t take orders, but I do make deals. The hair goes up, but you owe me a favor in return.”

He flashed me a wicked smile. “Sounds good, babe.”

“Oh I didn’t say the debt would be sexual in nature.”

His grin only widened. “So what are we talking about here?”

“Well that’s the thing.” I sidled over to him, pressing up against him with a smile. “You won’t know, until you know.”

Justin’s head dipped towards mine, his lips almost brushing mine. “Deal.”

“Brave man.” I laughed and stepped back. “You also look really good tonight by the way.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, his eyes still eating me up.

“Well, you better tell the cab driver we’ll be out in ten minutes. I need to fix my hair.”

***

I managed to style my hair up into an elegantly messy bun, bid a goodnight to Ellie whose eyes were all teary at the sight of us together—I don’t think she’d quite grasped the concept of f**k buddies yet—and slid into the cab before Justin. When he got in, he gave the cab driver our destination. It was Justin’s French restaurant, La Cour, the one he’d inherited as part of his father’s businesses, and it was situated on Royal Terrace near the Regent Gardens. I hadn’t been there before, but I’d heard great things about it. As Justin settled back, he settled in close to me and reached for my hand.

For the entire cab ride I stared at his large, masculine hand in mine, fighting the urge to pull out of his touch. It wasn’t because the handholding wasn’t nice. It was nice. Too nice.

Too ‘more’.

This was supposed to be just sex. But there he was… holding my hand.

I barely even noticed we’d pulled up to the restaurant, before Justin was paying the cab driver and helping me down out of it.

“You’re quiet,” he murmured, as he laced his fingers through mine again to lead me inside.

I didn’t answer that. “Who are we meeting?”

But before he could respond, the maître d’ appeared with a huge grin on his face. “Monsieur Carmichael, we have your table waiting, sir.”

“Thank you, David.” Justin pronounced his name with the French pronunciation and I wondered if the guy was really French, or if it was all part of the restaurant’s image. The restaurant itself was opulent elegance. It was modern French rococo with black and silver patterned, gilt-framed chairs, deep-red tablecloths, black glass candelabras and clear crystal chandeliers. The restaurant was packed.

David led us through the tables to a cozy one in the east corner, far away from the bar and kitchen access. Like a gentleman, Justin held my seat out for me, and I couldn’t remember if anyone had done that before. I was so focused on the gesture and the sensual brush of his fingers against my neck as I sat, that it took me until Justin was also seated and ordering wine, to notice that we were seated at a table for two.

“Where are the others?”

Justin flicked me a casual glance as he took a sip from the cold glass of water the waiter had just poured. “What others?”

What others? I gritted my teeth. “You said this was a business meeting.”

“Yes, but I didn’t say what business.”

Oh my God. This was a date! No way. First the bossiness, then the handholding… no. No, no, no. I pushed my chair out, about two seconds from shooting up to my feet when Justin’s next words froze me in place.

“You try to leave, I’ll tackle you.” Even though he wasn’t looking at me when he said it, I could tell he was deadly serious.

I couldn’t believe he’d tricked me into this. With a sullen expression, I pushed my chair back under the table. “Asshole.”

“Just for that, I expect you to wrap that dirty mouth of yours around my c**k tonight.” He narrowed his eyes on me.

I felt the impact of those words as they pebbled my ni**les and soaked my panties. Despite my body being completely turned on, I was floored. I couldn’t believe he’d just said that to me in a fancy restaurant where anyone might overhear. “Are you kidding?”

“Babe,” he gave me a look that suggested I was missing the obvious, “I never kid about blowjobs.”

The sound of someone choking brought my head up. Our waiter had descended on us just in time to hear those romantic words and his rosy cheeks betrayed his embarrassment. “Ready to order?” he croaked out.

“Yes,” Justin answered, obviously uncaring he’d been overhead. “I’ll have the steak, medium-rare.” He smiled softly at me. “What are you having?” He took a swig of water.

He thought he was so cool and funny. “Apparently sausage.”

Justin choked on the water, coughing into his fists, his eyes bright with mirth as he put his glass back on the table.

“Are you okay, sir?” The waiter asked anxiously.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Justin waved the waiter off, his voice a little hoarse as his eyes pinned me to my seat. He shook his head, his grin getting wider by the second.

“What?” I shrugged innocently.

“You’re sexy as f**k.”

The waiter was now staring at us openly, his head bobbing between us, waiting on what scandalous thing would be said next. I smiled up at him and closed my menu. “I’ll have the steak too. Also medium-rare.”

He took the menus from us and hurried off, probably to tell all the other waiters what he’d heard the restaurant owner say to his date. Grimacing, I kept that look on my face when I slid my gaze back to Justin. “You know, the whole point of this arrangement was that you didn’t have to buy me a fancy dinner to get laid.”

The sommelier approached with the red wine Justin had ordered and we were both silent as he poured a little out for Justin to taste. Satisfied with it, Justin gestured for the sommelier to proceed. As soon as he was gone, I lifted my glass and took a fortifying sip.

I could feel Justin’s eyes burning into me.

“Perhaps this is the ‘friends’ part,” he replied softly. “I want to spent time with my friend, Selena.”

While that was nice… “That’s how things get complicated.”

“Not if we don’t let them.”

He must have seen the doubt on my face because next thing his fingers were on my chin, gently lifting my face to his. “Just try it tonight.”

I could feel his touch like a shiver of ripples across my skin. I’d had him inside of me. He’d given me quite a number of orgasms. I knew the smell, taste and touch of him. I thought that would be enough. That it would be over. But looking at him, I realized it wasn’t anywhere near over. This attraction, this need, whatever the hell it was, it had only just caught fire, and neither of us was ready to call out the fire department just yet. “Okay.”

In response, he brushed his thumb over my mouth and smiled at me with his eyes before letting go.

And then, we were two friends spending time together. We talked about all the usual stuff. Music. Movies. Books. Hobbies. Friends. We made each other laugh. We had fun. But it was all little things. Justin was careful to make sure that he never asked anything he knew I wouldn’t answer. And when I stumbled over a question because it related to the past, he cracked a joke and changed the subject. This was a smart man.

We were just finishing up dessert when a sultry voice with an accent as melodic as Ellie’s, drifted across our table. “Justin, honey, I thought that was you.”

My eyes lifted to the woman who was standing by our table, and was now dipping down to kiss Justin’s cheek, giving him an eyeful of her small but perfectly formed br**sts. Her dress was red, daring and as sultry as her voice. She gave me a bright smile as she drank me in.

“Aileen. How are you?”

She grinned and stroked his cheek affectionately. “Better for seeing you.”

Oh hell. I tried not to shift uncomfortably as an inexplicable tightness lodged in my throat. This was an ex-girlfriend. Awkward.

“How’s Alan?”

Who the hell was Alan? Please be her husband.

“Oh.” She waved the question off with a grimace. “We’re separated. I’m here with a very charming date.”

Well, go back to him, lady, so we can get on with our date.

Shit! Not a date! Not a date!

Justin smiled and turned around to nod at me. “Aileen, this is Selena.”

“Hi.” I smiled politely, not really sure how to converse with an obvious ex. As I looked over the tall, blonde glamazon, I was convinced more than ever that I was the opposite of Justin’s usual type.

Her eyes were assessing as they washed over me. After a second her smile widened as she looked back at Justin. “Finally, a girl who doesn’t look like Analise.” She touched his shoulder affectionately again. “I’m glad for you.”

“Aileen...” Justin pulled back, his jaw clenching.

Analise? My eyebrows were raised in question. Who was Analise?

“Still sore I see,” Aileen tutted and took a step back. “I guess we all are about spouses. Takes time.” She waited for someone to say something and then, as if suddenly realizing she was intruding on our dinner, she laughed a little embarrassed. “Anyway, I better get back to Roberto. Take care, Justin. It was good to see you. And nice to meet you, Selena.”

“You too,” I murmured, trying to hide the fact that it felt as though someone had rammed the table into my gut. Spouses? I sucked in a breath, a shot of adrenaline kicking my heart into a riot as Aileen sashayed away, having no idea she’d caused tension between me and Justin.

My lips felt numb. “Wife?”

“Ex-wife.”

Why did I feel betrayed? That was stupid. Or was it? He’d said we were friends. And Ellie… Ellie was my friend, and she hadn’t told me Justin had an ex-wife. Did it matter?

You haven’t told him anything, Selena.

No, I hadn’t. But I also hadn’t been married.

“Selena…” Justin sighed, and I lifted my eyes to see his expression was like granite. “I would have told you about Analise eventually.”

I waved him off. “It’s none of my business.”

“If that’s the case, why do you look shell-shocked?”

“Because I’m surprised. I got into this with you because you were a serial dater. Not a one-woman kind of guy.” I touched a hand to my chest. What the hell was that pain in there?

He ran a hand through his hair and then sighed heavily again. The next thing I knew, he had hooked a leg around my chair leg and was pulling me toward him, until our shoulders were almost brushing.

I stared up at him questioningly, lost for a moment in his beautiful eyes.

“I got married when I was twenty-two,” he began softly, quietly, his eyes studying me as he explained. “Her name was Analise. She was an Australian post-grad student. We’d only been together a year before I proposed, and we were only married for two. The first nine months were great. The next three months rocky. The last year hell. We fought a lot. Mostly about my inability to let her in,” he whirled his wine glass, dropping his gaze now, “And when I think about it, that was true. Thank f**k.” His eyes came back to me. “The thought of handing her – someone as vindictive as her – all my personal crap…”

“Like ammunition in her hands,” I murmured, understanding completely.

“Exactly. I believe you work hard to make a marriage work. I didn’t want to give up. But one day, not too long before my father passed away, he called me and asked me to check a property we were trying to sell on Dublin Street. Not Ellie and yours,” he added quickly. “He told me there had been a complaint about dripping water in the downstairs flat, so I went along to check.” His jaw clenched. “I didn’t find a leak, but I found Analise in bed with a close friend of mine from school. My dad had known. They’d been going behind my back for six months.”

I closed my eyes, feeling pain for him echo in my chest. How could anyone do that to him? To him? When I opened them, his gaze was soft on me and I reached for his arm, squeezing it consolingly. To my surprise his mouth quirked up into a smile. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, Selena. Years of retrospect took away that. What I had with Analise was superficial. A young man’s dick leading him astray.”

“You really believe that?”

“I know that.”

I frowned, shaking my head. “Why would you buy a property on Dublin Street again?”

He shrugged. “Analise may have f**ked off back to Australia once I divorced her and made sure she left with nothing, but she’d still tainted the city I loved. I’ve spent the last six years creating new memories all over the city, building over the mess she left behind. The same is true with Dublin Street. The flat you’re in was a mess. A shell on a street poisoned with betrayal. I wanted to create something beautiful in place of all the ugliness.”

His words sank inside me so deeply I couldn’t breathe. Who was this guy? Was he real?

He lifted his hand to my face, his fingers gliding softly along my jawline, and curving down my neck. I shivered. Yes, he was real.

And for the next three months he was mine.

I stood up abruptly, grabbing my clutch. “Take me back to yours.”

Justin didn’t argue. His eyes flared with understanding and he got us the check. We were out of there and in a cab before I knew it.

~16~

I had no clue where Justin lived and was surprised to be let out of the cab at the university on the walkway that led down to The Meadows. Situated above a café and a little express supermarket was a modern building hosting luxury apartments. We rode the elevator to the top, and Justin let me inside his duplex penthouse.