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pollyanna-nana · 4 months

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“I can’t help anyone…”

An analysis of Kieran and how it relates to his most controversial scene.

Warning for Indigo Disk DLC spoilers ahead

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Greetings! I’ve made it no secret that, despite what some people think of him, I am very fond of Kieran Pokémon’s little emo ass. As a result, when perusing the tags I’ve been bombarded with a lot of very… questionable takes regarding his personality and character, which I simply do not agree with. In particular, I’ve seen a lot of interpretations of a specific scene that I don’t think get at the heart of the story and have some fundamental misunderstandings of the subtextual clues we’re given about how Kieran and Carmine were raised, and I wanted to take the opportunity to present my own interpretations and how I have come to understand this young boy’s complex journey to self acceptance.

This scene, right here, has been the source of many specific complaints I’ve seen regarding Kieran’s character. I’ve seen people saying that his actions here make him a bully, that he’s shaming a fellow student for having troubles at home, and generally is an unpleasant, entitled person. And while I think there’s definitely some truth to those points (and they make him all the more interesting…) I don’t think a lot of these people are thinking about what this scene is really trying to tell us.

Yes, it’s showing the player that Kieran has changed since we last saw him. That his shy, kind demeanor has been supplanted by a stark cruelty that was hinted at in the end of Teal Mask, and that we have reason to fear and fear for him. However. I would argue that it also serves to tell us more about what Kieran himself has dealt with as a student at Blueberry academy. Specifically...

Kieran’s struggle with identity and self worth.

From the earliest segments of Teal Mask, we get strong indications that Kieran has quite the inferiority complex. Worse still, said feelings are reinforced by the people around him, knowingly or not. Here, when Carmine tells us that Kieran's "nearly as strong as she is", we know she simply means to compliment us in her own Carmine-ish way. However, purposefully or not, it reinforces Kieran's idea as someone who is always, at best, almost good enough. Almost as strong as his sister. Never as or more.

He tells the player that he'll hang back, not wanting to get in our way. With no prior prompting, either. How many times has he been made to feel that he was a burden? I adore Carmine, but one of her most pressing flaws is her struggle to make Kieran feel loved and wanted. Which, is actually pretty normal between siblings as she herself is a child. But still, given how much Kieran clearly loves and respects her, her words hold a lot of weight. And it's only Carmine who we get to see treat Kieran this way. While it's possible it's coming almost entirely from her, I'll discuss later why I think it may be more complicated than that. For now, though, it's clear that Kieran himself thinks very lowly of his abilities and would rather stay out of people's way, lest they berate him for perceived inadequacies.

He's had problematic behavior modeled for him by Carmine.

Here, too, we see how Carmine's treatment of him reinforced some very negative ideas of interpersonal conflict and resolution. All throughout Teal Mask, Carmine is telling him to shut up and be quiet, and does what she thinks is best for him without consideration for how it may make him feel. No physical violence, but emotional abuse is abuse all the same. While we know that she was ultimately trying to do what was best for him, and had very good reasons for keeping secrets, its undeniable that the words she used only further reinforced the idea that the strong will push around the weak, and that they have no need for anyone who falls behind in some way.

This scene in particular is fascinating, as we get to see first hand the kind of dynamic that pushed his feelings of inadequacy towards the breaking point. Here, after the player and Carmine run into Ogerpon for the first time, he thinks her weird behavior is because they were making fun of him. It's already sad that he would jump to that conclusion, but then Carmine smiles through his entire dialogue and says nothing. No reassurance, no denial, nothing. Kieran walked away from this conversation thinking that his sister and his new friend were talking about how much they dislike him. Speaking from personal experience, constantly feeling like people are talking about you behind your back at a young age can lead to you becoming brutally honest in a maladaptive way, and it can lead to people thinking you're cruel and unkind because you refuse to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Generational trauma, neurodivergence and cycles of abuse.

Here is where we leave screenshot land for a bit and I talk more about things that I suspect to be true, but cannot ultimately prove. However, I ask that you bear with me here and consider what may be going on above the heads of the child protagonists in a children's video game. (After all, if some people can write whole essays comparing Kieran's behavior to some very serious real-world events... I think I am within my right here!)

Kieran and Carmine, to me, match very strongly with the idea that they came from a bad home life. I don't necessarily mean their grandparents, as they seem nice enough (though flawed), but instead that their parents, whoever they were, contributed substantially to their strained relationship and problematic behavior. This post may seem very Carmine-negative, but I actually do not blame her for what she's done, not really. I do think that she has the agency and experience to take responsibility for how she's treated her brother, but I also think that it is something that was modeled for her by her parents, caretakers and teachers. I think it's very important to keep in mind in all conversations about these two that negative behaviors like these rarely manifest out of the ether. When I see child characters acting this way, I think less "wow, what horrible people!" and more "who in your life is modeling this kind of behavior for you?"

Full disclosure: I am an older sister myself, and my younger sister is very close to me in age in the same way that I see Carmine and Kieran as being. I see a lot of myself in her, which is why I deeply understand her frame of mind in everything here. Being expected to be the emotionally mature one in a sibling dynamic is difficult when you're so close in age, and it can lead to a lot of frustration as you feel like you're made to grow up too fast while your younger sibling is shielded from responsibility. It also doesn't help if the adults in your life model a lot of negative behavior, especially power dynamics, and if you have any sort of neurodivergency.

Speaking of... I wholeheartedly agree with the interpretations of the siblings having some combination of autism, ADHD, BPD or several other potential conditions. I won't go into depth, but without question there's something going on with them that's both untreated and misunderstood by those around them. Which, makes a lot of sense considering where they come from. Kitakami is a small nation, mostly agriculture based, and Carmine in particular is very resistant to the idea of it becoming a tourist destination for wealthier countries. They may not have the resources and infrastructure, along with cultural awareness, to properly diagnose and treat certain mental health conditions. Kieran doesn't even have a phone!

Something I don't see mentioned often is how Kieran and Carmine being at Blueberry is more than likely a very isolating experience for both. Being at a prestigious school in Poke-America, when coming from rural Poke-Japan, must've been a very difficult transition. Given that it doesn't seem like ANY of the adults in their lives are interested in their mental and physical well-being, I can only imagine that exacerbated their already existing issues. Not to mention that the culture of BB seems to be overly concerned with strength in battles, it's no wonder that both children's worst traits were made to fester over time.

Entitlement and disenfranchisement

Okay, enough of that. Back to screenshots. Here I want to talk about how some people interpret Kieran as being bratty and entitled, and while I don't necessarily disagree, I think with the context of everything previously laid out in this post that it's a lot deeper than simple entitlement. We know, from his own words, that all he wants is acceptance, independence, and meaningful human connections. To him, that comes in the form of strong pokemon (acceptance at the academy), going anywhere he wants (feeling empowered and self-confident), and being able to make friends with "anyone". Any friends at all, really.

While his "I worked so hard, and for what?! I STILL lost in the end!" can feel petulant and whiny, it also cuts deep for anyone who has grown up without. I think it's very important to note that Kieran is at precisely the age when systemic inequalities really start to weigh on someone, and before the brain and life experiences are developed enough to handle it in a healthy way. While some cope better than others, for many around this age the weight of knowing that there are people out there who simply have more than you ever will not by any sort of effort or triumph, but rather than the dumb luck of birth into a wealthy, privileged setting... well, it can be crushing.

It's something most grow out of, but for a kid like Kieran, who was so obsessed with the story of a genuine injustice (Ogerpon vs. the 'loyal' three), is it any wonder that he would react this way? The player is a particularly extreme example, of course, as protagonist powers are some real bullshit. Coming to terms with the fact that the system has failed him, but he can still achieve great things and become a person he can be proud of, is something that will probably only come with time and wisdom as it does for most of us. In the interim, though, petty teenage tantrums are to be more or less expected.

Feeling powerless.

In case you think I'm extrapolating far too much, I think it's important to note that, after the severe shock that was Terapagos breaking out of its own ball, Kieran reinforces all of these ideas himself. Here, when Carmine is begging him to help you, he refuses not because of hatred of you but rather his own self-doubt and loathing. Which, ultimately, has always been the core of everything Kieran has done up to this point in Indigo Disk's plot. He believed so strongly that if only he could become stronger, then he could prove to everyone, and more importantly himself, that he was worthy of taking up space and achieving his own dreams. But it's here, when everything truly comes crashing down around him, that the facade slips and shows Kieran as he truly is- a little boy who feels helpless in his current circumstances.

I've seen people say that when he cries after becoming determined to help you defeat Terapagos, it's out of jealousy or anger. However, I couldn't disagree more. The light returning to his eyes shows, in my view, that Kieran feels hope for the first time since he had his dreams crushed back in Teal Mask. That, even though he feels powerless, even though he's hurt people and hurt himself, he's still wanted. That he can do something meaningful, even if it's just cleaning up the mess he helped to make. (Briar don't think I've forgotten about you. You're the most culpable in this situation given you're the only adult- but I digress.)

In conclusion.

He bapy.

No but really, what does all of this even mean? I think going back and reading the conversation at the start of the post, especially if you were initially put off by it, with the context outlined here changes a lot about how one can interpret Kieran's behavior. Note that I am not trying to justify anything he said or did, but rather point out that this fictional child has some serious, unresolved issues that deserve time and thought turned towards them, especially in the way that they reflect real-world individuals and systems. Ultimately, if you want my opinion I think Kieran would be a pretty nasty person to know in real life if I was in school still, but you know what? So was I at his age. And so were most people, if I'm being honest. But that doesn't tarnish a person forever. All of life isn't high school, even though Kieran- or you, reading this right now- may feel like it is. He has a lot of growing up to do, but that's life. And in the meantime, he sure is one hell of an interesting character to follow.

#polly speaks #polly writes #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #indigo disk #indigo disk spoilers #teal mask #pokemon kieran #rival kieran #pokemon carmine #kieran posting #character analysis #tw bullying #tw abuse #ask to tag #im tired. anyway im going grocy shopping anyone want anything from tjs

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pinkaditty · 4 months

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Perv!Asmodeus Thoughts (Obey Me: SWD)

hihiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii this was totally 100% self indulgent it's just me thinking about Asmodeus if he was just a little more unhinged

summary: you're so innocent. he's quite the opposite.

a/n: can't really 100% say that this was inspired by anything ive just been thinking about Asmodeus and wanted to give him a little appreciation. admittedly perverted characters just... do it for me. my guilty pleasure lol <3 anyways anyways!!! answering more asks by the weekend or tmrw it depends on how much free time I have!!!! and am almost done with pervert pt 3!!!!! woo!!

cw: perverted behavior, creepy behavior, no penetration/sex but sexual acts mentioned, masturbation, non-con (no r*pe or anything just really weird scenarios in which one party is oblivious), cum eating, and other weird things that i don't really know how to tag, not proofread.

MINORS DNI AS PER USUAL!!!! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY!

You're so innocent. And god, it drives him crazy. Your eyes make the most perfect alluring expressions, your lips curve into the most perfect smiles, and your body shaped so wonderfully… he can't help it if he feels a little wanting.

At first, he attempts to stifle it… keep it under wraps as much as he can. Sure, his eyes wander, but as soon as he starts imagining what you may look like under those clothes, he quickly tears his eyes away and censors his thoughts as much as he possibly can. Unusual for the Avatar of Lust, but he knows once he starts, he will not stop.

Saliva collects in his mouth so much he has to gulp it down as he watches you eat, teeth tearing and tongue licking and lips slurping. It makes him wonder, would you treat his flesh the same? Biting, licking, and slurping, leaving marks in your wake, swallowing down whatever juices spring forth from him before he is wrung dry? He often finds himself palming himself at the dinner table, completely enamored by your idle consumption of food, leaving his plate to grow cold from neglect. Even watching you walk is pure torture. He watches as the fabric hugs and rubs against your thighs, your ass, your torso, and your waist especially… He imagines how easy it would be to tear it apart, to simply lose control and throw the useless fabrics to the side, caring much more about the skin underneath. Sitting behind you in class proves to be a challenge, much more so when you're wearing that perfume he recommended. He bites his thumbnail until it bleeds, gripping his uniform pants, trying his hardest to resist the alluring scent of your perfume. The perfume is fine on its own, but mixed with your natural scent, it tears him apart.

As far as you are concerned, Asmodeus is a close friend, one you can come to in any scenario. He's proven himself worthy of your trust in your eyes, so you find it fit to spend time with him. Little do you know that while you suspect Mammon is going through your trash to sell things, it's actually Asmodeus, stealing this morning’s finished coffee to lick off the remnants of your saliva on the rim of the cup. While you suspect Belphegor of stealing your pillows, it's actually Asmodeus, humping into them at night, creaming to the thought of you sleeping on the same pillows he's used for personal pleasures. While you suspect Satan of nicking away your magazines, it's actually Asmodeus, taking note of which pages you licked your fingers to turn, carefully licking those edges. While you suspect Beelzebub of stealing some of your open snacks, it's actually Asmodeus, jerking off pointed directly at them, leaving his essence there for you to enjoy but be oblivious to. While you suspect Lucifer of taking your pens on occasion, it's actually Asmodeus, writing on his body how much he craves you, and then using that pen to pleasure himself, leaving his scent all over it. While you suspect Leviathan of stealing your underwear, it's actually Asmodeus, burying his face in them at night, wearing them, jerking off inside of them, all until he sees fit to return them to the wash. He just can't stop. He especially loves it when you visit his room with your guard down, having no idea how much of him you've consumed, touched, and felt just from doing your daily activities.

He's on cloud nine with how deeply you trust him, enough to feed you various snacks during your weekly spa session. He watches as you lick the icing off a pastry, oblivious to how most of it is his cum, simply enjoying the sweet-salty contrast. He is impressed with how much you'll let his hands wander as he gets a general feel of your body while you're in a robe. He's choosing the cutest outfit he can think of, but first, he needs to get a feel for your body to know what looks good on you, which is a total lie. He's letting his fingers drift awful close to your chest, dragging his fingers as they gently graze over your waistband, and pausing for an unusually long time when his fingers reach your ass. He's hard as a rock, but who can tell?

When you leave, having used his body products - to the point where you smell like him - and having consumed various amounts of his bodily fluids, he dreams of you laying on a pillow that he used to masturbate, eating snacks that he's creamed all over, using pens to doodle that are covered in his essence, reading magazines that he's licked every corner of, and having no idea about it at all.

You're just so innocent. And god, it drives him crazy.

a/n: this is short but regardless I enjoyed writing it. if I have any more insane thoughts about perverted characters ill post more.

reminder that i love likes, comments, reblogs, and asks!! tell me how much you liked it or ask for more! I'd love to hear your thoughts! <3

#obey me #minors dni #obey me shall we date #obey me smut #obey me swd #obey me mc #omswd #obey me solmare #obey me nightbringer #obey me!#obey me asmo x mc #obey me asmo x reader #obey me asmodeus #om! asmodeus #asmodeus x reader #asmodeus obey me #asmodeus x mc #asmodeus x y/n #asmodeus x you

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nepherit · 2 months

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Justice for Raphael

I'm very new to Tumblr, I created an account here a few months ago after I discovered all the amazing Bg3-related art content that this place has to offer. Since then, I've never posted a single thing and barely left any comments, I'm not a very social person...but today I was scrolling my favorite bg3-related feed, when I stumbled upon a post of someone who received a rather rude ask from an anon whose sole purpose was to mock their works and insult their (possibly) favorite character Raphael, who was referred to by that anon as a "100% canon two pump chump bottom cringe clown".

It is saddening to get yet another confirmation that some people out there aren't capable of respecting others' likes, not even in a fictional/virtual environment...but I guess that's to be expected. Besides the obvious, what made me decide to write this wall of text as my very first post is that Raphael happens to be my favorite too, the one and only fictional character I've ever felt invested in, and probably the reason why Bg3 will leave a life-long lasting impression on me.

So here I am, trying my best to point out some facts that (apparently) are easy to go amiss for some people out here: First of all, there's nothing canon regarding what Haarlep says of Raphael, as a character's opinion about another isn't a fact to begin with. Especially if said character is (proved by facts) very unreliable as a source: him being an incubus whose standards are undoubtedly different from any mortals' and the fact that he hates Raphael are but the most obvious. Not to mention that "Speak with the dead" isn't 100% reliable either by D&D 5e rules ("the corpse is under no compulsion to offer a truthful answer if you are hostile to it or it recognizes you as an enemy"). Besides that, even if everything Haarlep says is to be considered true, the mocking words the players can say to Raphael before the fight are NOT, as Haarlep never gives such info to the player (he only responds with a "no" if asked about the matter). That line we can say before the fight is but the player's guess/ childish mockery, certainly it's not a fact.

From a purely objective perspective, the only info Haarlep gives to the player that isn't merely his opinion is Raphael's obvious selfishness and narcissism (the HoH is covered with images of him) and the fact that he likely only sleeps with himself (he has his incubus wearing his shape, even his name). By no means does that make Raphael a "cringe clown", nor would it even in the case where Haarlep spoke entirely the truth. Honestly, it never ceases to baffle me how some people can be so shortsighted and shallow. But perhaps those people are yet to grow up and come to learn that there can be much hidden beneath someone's (fictional or not) behavior. There's nothing to mock about the "Raphael only wants to sleep with himself and only loves himself" statement.

How could it be otherwise? How, when the only person who ever loved Raphael, the only one he could trust and rely on since his birth, was himself? How could he crave someone's affection and so, be seen as weak? How could he care for another or their feelings when he never got that care or respect, to begin with? Despite his theatrics and his facade, Raphael was born Cambion, a half-breed never to be considered more than the lesser of the devils in the hierarchy of the Hells. Cambions cannot rank up, no matter their blood ties, yet Raphael managed to achieve all that he has...his palace, his many souls, and his power. None of that was gifted to him, he fought hard and earned every last bit of it with his claws, his wits, and his determination. I admire Raphael for that, for striving to become something greater than what he was supposed to be...something better than his father's "half-devil" son.

To reduce Raphael, who's most certainly one of the deepest and most complex characters we can encounter in the game, to a "100% canon two pump chump bottom cringe clown" is beyond low, very immature, and a rather shallow view, more so if it comes from someone who hasn't even had the guts to show their name...

Well, that's all. I doubt someone will make it this far, as I wrote a veeeeery long paragraph. But for once, I wanted to have my say ^^

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 raphael #raphael bg3 #baldur's gate 3 raphael #raphael the cambion #first post #fuck the haters

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molsno · 4 months

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I have such complex feelings about danganronpa but the treatment of chihiro fujisaki still remains a major sticking point to me.

I've had several different interpretations of the character over the years as my relationship with my gender has evolved but after all these years I feel like I can finally mourn the way she was treated as a trans girl.

it's just... heinous. kazutaka kodaka is so transmisogynistic in his writing that it's sickening to even think about. how am I supposed to feel about the fact that his work has touched my life in such a major way? I'm still talking about danganronpa over 10 years after I first got into it. but an unskippable, major, and early part of the story of the first game makes it clear how he thinks about people like me.

the text of the game is vile. along with the other students, she's threatened with her deepest secret being revealed if nobody murders one of their classmates. she has to face the fact that she's going to be forcibly outed to her classmates in the worst way possible. after she's killed out of jealousy for her bravery by mondo owada, who at the very least has the decency to move her body from the boys' locker room to the girls' to protect her secret, her body is groped to "confirm" that she's a "boy", she's immediately misgendered by all her classmates, and monokuma tells everyone her backstory in a way that totally disregards her actual feelings.

chihiro is not a boy. she doesn't ever claim to be one, except in school mode, which crucially, is explicitly not canon and wasn't even present in the original release. the only reason why anyone, in-game and in the fandom, believes that she's a boy is because of transmisogyny and because of monokuma's explanation. is he the type of character that you should trust, though? not only is he willing to forcibly out a trans girl, this is a pattern of behavior; the mastermind controlling monokuma later threatens to out juzo sakakura as gay as blackmail in the dr3 anime.

when I view the actions of chihiro fujisaki, I can't see anything but a trans girl. she has a severe inferiority complex, cries easily, lacks confidence in herself, hesitates to spend time with cis girls due to a fear of being ostracized for who she is, and heavily latches onto anyone who treats her respectfully (as seen if you do her free time events). and then she's thrust into a horrible situation where she could be killed at any moment, and then given 24 hours to try and come out on her own terms before monokuma does it for her in a way that explicitly misgenders her. she wants to become someone strong, someone who can stand up for herself and fight back against bullies like monokuma who don't respect her gender, but she doesn't get to do that on her own time. she still tries, though, and for it, she's killed.

it's just... tragic. what else can I say? she's yet another example of transmisogynistic tropes in media, but she feels personal to me in a way that few other such characters do. I've always loved chihiro a lot, even when I was younger and couldn't quite put my finger on why.

I don't think I would terribly mind her death if kodaka was a better writer. if danganronpa actually made use of all of its seemingly largely unintentional anticapitalist potential, if it touched on systemic issues such as transmisogyny with tact and respect (for example, if the other students respected her identity and opposed monokuma for repeatedly misgendering her), her death would still be upsetting, but I could accept that.

she just... deserves so much better.

#txt #danganronpa #transmisogyny

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novarex · 7 months

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Thoughts on Nere

Ugh, look at his pretty white eyelashes. I just want to smoosh his face.

I have a lot of thoughts regarding Nere and how he could have gotten where he is by the time we see him. @lysblack has started a really excellent conversation I would like to expand on. For science.

So may I present a somewhat lengthy analysis (rambling thoughts) of Nere, based on comments of other characters, what we know, and my reading of the Drizzt Do'Urdon books that go deeply into Menzoberranzan and life there.

Warning - this is long

Let's start with when we meet Nere.

Before we meet him, we meet the duergar, who have some things to say - Morgal is the one asking if you and the other duergar are "plowing", and from Corsair Greymon asking if "the Sargent has choked on True Soul Nere's prick". I do think that the duergar here are just generally vulgar and probably don't have much respect for anyone, but they are definitely getting to the end of their patience with Nere. They are mostly hired mercenaries with at least one believer in the Absolute among them (Sargent Thrinn). Something to note here is that duergar are a race of dwarves that were experimented on an changed by Mind Flayers and later escaped, that is why they have psionic powers, you can connect to them without them having a tadpole, and they have a special nose for True Souls because they can literally smell the parasite in you.

When you move down to the cave in area where Nere is trapped and Thrinn and her crew are trying to dig him out, you can talk to Nere through the rubble. He is literally suffocating to death on the poison that is filling the room, and obviously panicking - he thinks he is going to die in that room and I don't blame him. In his eyes (and any Lolthsworn drow), the people that are supposed to be rescuing him are just about the worst case scenario - they are inferior, disloyal, stupid, and unlikely to succeed. Like Minthara, I am sure he would MUCH rather have drow coming to rescue him than mercenary duergar and slave deep gnomes. On that note, he even is quick to tell you, another True Soul, not to trust the duergar mercenaries.

I also want to take a moment to say that no matter what we think of his behavior, Nere has to be under an absolute unbearably high amounts of pressure at this point - he is failing in his mission, he is stuck in the rubble that is quickly filling with gas, with wildly unreliable help. Like this is peak desperation. He is lashing out in anger and fear in any way he can. I think our Tav showing up is probably the only thread of hope he has to cling on to. Even Gale recognizes how bad of a situation Nere is in.

When you push into Nere's mind at the rubble and see through his eyes while he is suffocating to death in the cave in, the narrator makes a point to say that he had killed a gnome with powerful magic. He probably went to Sorcere (school for magic) in Menzoberranzan (although it is possible he isn't from Menzo).

Most noble drow have a natural talent for magic (breeding throughout the centuries), but sometimes commoners have the talent for it too. Sorcere is almost exclusively men because women with any talent for magic go to Arach-Tinilith, the school for drow priestesses. Male drow can also go to the school for fighting, Melee-Magthere (Drizzt went here), and they do spend one year at the end of their training in Sorcere learning some magic.

The reason I don't think Nere is a noble is that he would have certainly let us know if he were, especially if you are playing as a drow (I play as a drow female). This could just be an oversight in the writing, but I don't think so. When you fight the spectator over where the petrified drow are, if you manage not to get Dhourn the wizard killed and talk to him (disguise yourself as a female drow if you don't play as one and you can bully him into giving you his research and not have to kill him), he immediately lets you know he is the third boy of house Ba'Tol. In everything else I have experienced, drow are quick to name drop their house. It is extremely important in Lolthsworn society.

Nere is probably a commoner with enough magic talent to go to the school. All drow have a little magic to some degree, but to really learn it you have to go to Sorcere. There are few things you can do as a male in Memzoberranzan that give you any sort of status besides "useless male", and wizard/sorcerer is one. I suppose it is possible he is of noble birth, but I really think he would have let us know.

In Sorcere he would have spent most of his time around other males, as Sorcere is a 30 year long school (unlike Melee-Magthere which is 10), and exclusively male, which could explain why a female hadn't absolutely killed the shit out of him yet. The occasional priestesses from Arach-Tinilith would be around, but I think he could manage to be fine.

Nere certainly has an attitude to match with having gone to Sorcere. Some of his reactions, like blaming others for failures, are actually VERY cultural and expected among Lolthsworn drow. It just tracks. It would be strange if he didn't. He would have, however, faced constant criticism, bullying, sabotage, and crappy backstabbing politics within his time there, so it makes sense that he would have some emotional baggage regarding failure. Pretty much all male drow do to some extent. Even if he didn't have to deal too much with daily subjugation by female drow, he would still have faced a lot of scrutiny from other males in Sorcere. Failure of any kind is extremely dangerous in Lolthsworn society, especially for men.

I don't think his failure necessarily comes from him being bad at things. He has really good stats, so he isn't weak at all. He is also physically very strong. He is taller than both Gale and Astarion. The top of my female drow's head comes up to his chin (as opposed to Astarion and Gale where the top of her head is about dead center on theirs). He is also clearly intended to be intimidating. He has the Muscular feature as well as High Spellcasting - so he is big, strong, and good with magic. Wisdom is his lowest stat, and that could be the source of his problems in life. Strangely, he has really high charisma... but I will get to that shortly.

Anyway, back to the Grymforge. Before you bust him out of the rubble, talk to Thrinn, then go talk to the two drow who want to betray Nere, go back and talk to Thrinn and let her know they are planning to betray him. She doesn't seem particularly concerned with Nere's ability to handle them.

I think it is reasonable to assume that Nere is not a total fuckup. I think he has a lot of talent and strengths, but is either unlucky or unwise, or some combination of both. He has enough intelligence and strength to be powerful, and enough charisma to persuade people, but not enough wisdom and insight to know when to shut up or walk away... or when he is in over his head.

I do think he is unwise... there are some indications that he constantly underestimates what he is up against. This could be from lack of experience or this is just a character flaw.

Baby boy, what about any of this is simple? Please. You should have known better.

He is trying so hard here to convince himself that things are going to work out, but you can here it in his voice that he is trying to believe it. He must think that we are surely powerful enough to speak to Ketheric and convince him that Nere is still worthy. He is lacking the appropriate wisdom and insight to really accept what has happened.

We know from talking to Minthara that the influence of the Absolute is extremely overpowering and overrides any of your own common sense. It turns you into a fanatic and forces you to do things you would never ever do if you had control of yourself. This would also be true of Nere. He has this wild fanaticism and desperation to please Ketheric and the Absolute, but he drops it IMMEDIATELY when you fill him in on what is really going on. Once he is free of the brain's power and sees the bigger puncture, there is a very strong shift in his attitude.

He becomes very reasonable and quickly puts two and two together. This is probably the first time ever in his life where he is free of cult influence - if you convince him to run from the Absolute (and also I assume Lolth, because dear god he CAN NOT go back there without being tortured to death for information and then killed or worse, turned into a drider for his sins against Lolth)... and it does seem like he has a lot to process.

He is actually very calm and grateful for what you have done for him. It is such a shame you can't drag him around with you.

I am also not sure if it is an oversight in writing, or if Nere loses control of his mind again once we leave the area, or if he is just so pissed off at Balthazar and Ketheric and the whole ordeal that he goes after Balthazar to try and mess everything up for the Absolute by sabotaging the Nightsong plot.... but it is just such a shame that he dies anyway. I would like to think it is just a gap in writing because the game is SO HUGE.

If he is wiling to potentially die for a cause, what better cause than getting revenge on the people who did this to him? What better hook to get him to join our party and quest to destroy the Absolute and rid ourselves of the parasite? I think this is a huge missed opportunity.

LET ME DO IT, LARIAN. AGHHHH. LET ME SAVE HIM.

As far as how he became an exile/rogue, because I really do think he was.... (previous post on this)... I think there are a few possibilities, and we have absolute no indication as to what they could have been.

So this is pure speculation with nothing to back it up on my part. Here are a list of reasons he could have resulted in him being separated from Lolthite society.

Was out on some kind of mission and failed, couldn't go back without risk of severe punishment or death.

Separated from expedition to the surface (for slaves, or supplies, or whatever) either through no fault of his own or because he was unwise.

Attempted to kill someone and failed, fled. Probably while they were away from the city.

There was an attempt on his life that failed and he fled. Probably also while they were away from the city.

Was scouting or part of an expedition for a noble house that was annihilated while they were away. Nothing to return to without risking being killed.

I don't think he was some matriarch's special pet, because there is a certain level of obedience a reverence for female drow he would need to have to not be killed. His attitude is way off to have been some matron or priestess's favorite. Sure he is hot, but most drow are hot, so the standards for "too hot to be killed" are way too high for that to have been it. There are plenty of dead hot drow men.

I think it is likely that he made some mistakes that led to him not being able to go back for fear of death. I also think that when he mentions going to the Order of Soul Spiders, that is just him being unwise and not thinking the whole thing thorough. Like baby boy, you are going to be destroyed once the hear what you have to say. Sure, they will want to know it, but you are NOT going to escape punishment for abandoning Lolth. That isn't a possibility. Think it through.

Ok wow this post got too long and way out of hand. Nere is my current hyperfixation, and I hope that at least two of you share this hyperfixation with me and found this worth reading.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

#nere #bg3 #true soul nere

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yannaryartside · 8 months

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WHIT SIDNEY, THERE IS NO OTHER SHOE

WHY DO THE BERZATTO SIBLINGS CHOOSE THEIR PARTNERS?

I will kick off this thesis with the belief that Sidney and Pete are Carmy's and Natalie's respective otps. They are destined, romantic partners. This seems to be what the show is pointing at.

I was reading "Sana tus heridas en pareja" by Anamar Oihuela, which explores the possibility of healing your inner child's wounds in a romantic relationship. I do not want to circle around why people select their romantic partners (that shit is quite complex), but the childhood wounds that we have that make us feel attracted to certain personalities or look for love in a certain way, with a particular shape. What are the Berzatto siblings really looking for, that will be healing for them?

THE WOUND

The Berzatto sibling grew up in a toxic environment, filled with the addition of their parents (drugs and gambling) and whatever strain those would create between the couple. The mother (the most present parent, apparently) was also emotionally immature. She would use insults and threats of harm or self-harm whenever she felt abandoned. Hence, the siblings grew up hypervigilant and afraid of upsetting her in any way . Most people seem to agree that Carmy has Complex PTSD, created during his early childhood but aggravated by his time as a chef. "I have to remind myself that the sky is not falling, not waiting for the other shoe (...) there is always another shoe." I am sure the CPTS can be applied to Nat as well. They never formed a secure attachment to their parents, which requires trust, the knowledge of the parent of the child's emotions, guiding them, and making them feel valued, loved, and secure. The kid can develop because he/she knows their needs will be met. That was impossible in such a dangerous (for a child) and unpredictable environment. Unpredictable and insecure are attributes I want to focus on.

WHY PETE?

I love this man, and the show seems to be putting a lot of effort into making him look, talk, and behave in the most opposite to anybody in the Berzatto family; he doesn't get along (or is approved) with anybody at the beginning, and Carmy only likes him after Pete stood up for Carmy's career. Sometimes, even Nat seems to think he may be too passive or compliant. Like in the finale, it kinda bothered me that he was trying to give her his admiration, support, and approval (which she never received from her family, including Carmy in some instances). She is too busy dreaming about her mother coming in and giving her all exactly what Peter is giving her. It's pretty poetic. She chooses to marry this man for a reason; she loves him for a reason, which is more evident when Pete is crying, and she actually pays attention to him, admiring his transparency and sensibility, again, things that she never could expect of a parental figure. She may sometimes think he is "too passive" or predictable and takes him for granted; because she grew up surrounded by loud men who acted confident even if they were shit, part of her subconscious might be attracted to that reckless behavior. Still, she finds sensibility more attractive in the end because it is too rare for her. She knows that relationships with men like his father and his brother Mickey end up with her feeling like the emotional regulator that she wanted to be for her mom. Ultimately, the keys to her heart are predictability and transparency because they form trust, a secure attachment. And it is funny because those are precisely the same keys to Carmy's heart, but he sees them in a different context.

WHY SIDNEY?

Added to the context of his childhood, the wound that Carmy seems to feel the most is, no surprise, created by his relationship with Mickey. As pointed out by some excellent analysis, Mickey is the father figure in Carmy's life, the closest thing to a secure attachment he could ever have. He describes Mickey in his AA monologue "I thought I was my brother's best friend." Mickey was the person he thought he could always rely on, the one he knew well, and Mickey knew him too. Even though he felt hurt by Mickey cutting him out, when he comes back for Christmas, you can see Carmy hold to the hope that whenever is the time, he could come back, and his brother will be waiting for him. And then, Mickey dies. Carmy didn't know he used drugs or was depressed, the perfect image of his strong, funny, almighty brother crumbling before him. The questions pop out: Why he didn't reach out to me? He didn't see me as a confidant? Why did he lie to me all those times? All that trust was based on a lie. It is not a surprise that Carmy didn't go to the funeral. It could have literally sent in on a shutdown. Later in the show, we hear Mickey's voice echoing in Carmy's mind, "I am right here" "I got you." That is what he thought his brother was: his ultimate support. But he wasn't, not at the end; Mickey lied about how he was feeling, hiding from him the aspect of his life that would eventually vanish Mickey from Carmy's life without warning.

Mickey's suicide was that shoe he was afraid of, the worst possible, the one that made him believe there is always another shoe.

What does this have to do with Sidney?: predictability and transparency. Sidney is the most transparent and constant person Carmy knows now, the one that he actually thinks he knows. When asked to do something, she gives her honest opinion of why she thinks ais a good or bad idea. She also organized, analytical, hopeful, and eager to serve others. She is the one that offers help when Mickey (it seems) didn't accept any form of it. She develops a detailed plan to save his brother's restaurant because anybody in their family is too dysfunctional to do so. A person with actual answers. But most of all, she is transparent, at least to a reasonable extent, usually only forced upon feeling frustrated. She asks him for open and honest communication. She communicates her needs, feelings, and expectations consistently, even when he doesn't want to listen. He gets frustrated because he is too wired but always realizes that she is leading him in the right direction. Christ, she even managed to express her feeling about Claire being in his life (and the impact it had on the restaurant and their partnership) and even gave him commitment advice without revealing that the root of it all was her feelings for him. With her, there is no other shoe because every single thing that has gone wrong between them is something that she previously has warned him about. Sidney always reaches out. She has made mistakes because she is green in season one. Still, in season two, when she has her shit together, Sidney keeps asking him to be his partner and communicating her needs, but Carmy fails anyway. Still, he can't say that she hid things from him that were important to their relationship like Mickey did.

I am not saying that if they get together, Sidney will be able to predict their problems because that's impossible. She has relationship issues, too (I am talking about that tattoo, damn, I can't wait for season 3), but so far, he knows she intends to tell him her needs; that's who she really is. I think he recognized that nature of her early on in season one and then developed a hyper-awareness of Sidney's demeanor, too afraid of losing his most solid connection, and this time, is not based on a lie. I think that when, in the future, he starts to feel her hiding things from him (possibly about her past), he going to be really mortified, like, "You got me, and I got you, so why are you not letting me know the things I need to know so I can get you" type of thing.

THE FIGHT THAT IS COMING

But this has a dark side. Carmy thinks she is solid and trustworthy and that whatever he asks of her, she will find a way to do, so he relies on her to have the space to deal with his mental turmoil. Carmy is not there for her when she solves problems or confronts the mobs in the front. He is dealing with the chaos in his mind and his family. I am not saying that is bad; teamwork is power. Still, like, dude, he had known her for 3 whole weeks and decided to go to an overdue AA meeting in "Brigade," leaving her to deal with the consequences of the job environment created by Mickey. In that whole speech, "I hold you to a higher standard", I know he meant that in the context of work because they both have been in that environment of strict efficiency, but the standard could also be personal, "I think you are solid and trustworthy so I need you to be" is probably what Carmy is thinking. Didn't somebody else notice this tendency to show Carmy taking breaks after he knows Sidney is handling shit?

In "Brigade," right after seeing her in control of the kitchen for the first time and hiring her, he goes to take a smoke break, and in "Sheridan," when she has set up this fantastic set for cooking and selling outside, he also goes to take a smoke break and give Marcus a pep talk, like seriously...they were saying something here. Trusting Sidney, because she has proven efficiency in every imaginable circumstance has given him (a break) a space to feel his feelings. You don't have that when you grow up in a toxic household. This is also the reason thinking of her calms his panic attacks. And the reason he gave himself a chance with Claire (lol, your trust in your future wife is the reason you can get a girlfriend).

Managing a business like this is difficult with a sound mind. It requires discipline and clarity. And Carmy has too much emotional baggage that was going to try to escape any other way. He looks for healthy spaces for it to do so but has yet to learn the core of his issues. He is applying medicine without closing the wound (THERAPHY). That's why he says, "I wouldn't even want to do it without you; you make me better at this." No joke, Sidney is his walking stick, emotionally and in the workplace, the whole reason he was able to go this far.

He praises her for her efforts, usually afterwards, when everything is calm. She likes that because she admires him (and has a crush on him). But damn, man, a million things could have gone wrong even in season one, and I wouldn't have blamed Sidney. And the dude exploded because she made a computer error in the to-goes? You had it coming. And then, season two happens. Carmy is a ghost in the restaurant, again, dealing with the chaos of his mind, emotions, and a fucking childhood crush. And what Sidney does? She handles it, she lets him wonder and solve his shit, and the restaurant is saved for her, with the help of everyone, the redemption of Richie, and the leadership of Nat. Carmy puts her in the second most powerful position, something she has never done before, without almost no support of guides, not about detecting good staff or creating a menu from scratch. She takes her motivation from Coach K and "adapts on a dime" because "she has to," in her own words. Again, that's her journey, being able to trust herself and believe in her potential. But what would happen when she cannot be his walking stick anymore? He already knows he failed, but what if Sidney has her own baggage to deal with in season 3, something she feels so ashamed of that she doesn't communicate with him? Would the need to be her support force him to look at his self-sabotage, so he can be someone predictable and transparent for her? Man, I LOVE THIS SHOW. That was a long one. Thank you for reading.

#sydcarmy #jeremy allen white #ayo edebiri #the bear fx #carmy the bear #carmy berzatto #natalie berzatto #my otp #michael berzatto #there is no other shoe

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yanderes-galore · 1 month

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Hey man. I have a question. Can you do a Yandere Concept for Princess Celestia?

I can try, sure! Here you go :) I struggled for some time on this for some reason? Idk why I had so much trouble, but I hope you like it despite the wait!

Yandere! Princess Celestia Concept

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Isolation, Gaslighting, Possessive behavior mentioned, Mentioned threats, Forced companionship/relationship.

Princess Celestia is a teacher and beloved ruler of her people.

Celestia seems like she'd have more platonic intentions than romantic when it comes to her obsession.

However, I am not denying the idea of Celestia having a favorite subject, one that may just capture her heart.

I feel Celestia is good at keeping her obsessive desires subtle.

She doesn't need everypony knowing of her secret desires.

Yet her obsession can tell that they are a favorite of the Princess.

Having and alicorn Princess, even on such as Celestia, sounds very dangerous.

Even if they don't intend to harm you.

Yet a trusted alicorn such as Celestia no doubt has the trust of many of her subjects.

Including you.

You assume the affection she has towards you is innocent... nothing dark.

After all, she's the Princess who raises the Sun.

She's mischievous at times, sure, but she's also patient and kind-hearted!

You see... Princess Celestia's reputation would be the thing that covers up her obsession.

Everypony trusts and respects her, after all she is the one that saved them from danger many times before Twilight.

As said before, she even brings day to the ponies across Equestria.

Which both means you won't suspect her obsession... and no pony would believe you if you said otherwise.

So when it comes to Celestia, by the time you realize there's something darker involved, no pony is going to believe you.

Maybe Celestia expresses jealousy or possessive behavior when you're around others.

Maybe she's too affectionate?

Maybe she wants to isolate you... and admits that she gets violent thoughts about you around others.

Even if you tried to tell other ponies such a fact, they wouldn't believe your words.

Plus, you're Celestia's favorite pony!

Are you just trying to lie about her?

It may get to the point where you start to second guess yourself.

Celestia's actions may just gaslight you into thinking her behavior is okay.

Which pleases the alicorn.

If you think her behavior is fine, then she can manipulate you closer to herself.

Soon you'll have no choice but to trust Celestia's every word.

She won't hurt anypony if you just listen to her.

You'll be her beloved student... or her lover if that's her intentions.

She'll keep you locked in a room designed specifically for you.

Only some guards can interact with you... most of the time it's Celestia herself caring for you.

As others have stated... there's no need to worry... this is normal, isn't it?

Why rebel when the Princess can take care of everything for you...?

Once you gain such a mindset... you're right where Celestia wants you... all to herself.

#yandere my little pony #yandere mlp #yandere my little pony friendship is magic #yandere mlp fim #yandere princess celestia

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unrecognized-planet · 2 months

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FUCK ALL THE PEOPLE BASICALLY DEFENDING WILLIAM GOLD (WILBUR SOOT) BY SAYING HE'S AUTISTIC.

(starting notes: this is most likely going to be very much rambling and jumping from one thing to another. I am just very upset about the situation and what some people are saying about it and needed to clear my head.)

I, myself am autistic and ADHD and regardless of whether you realize it or not, you are stereotyping autistic people by basically saying that they don't know when to stop when asked and can't understand boundaries. Well!! spoiler alert!!! WE DO UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES. AND IF SOMEONE ASKS US TO STOP IF WE'RE HURTING THEM/MAKING THEM UNCOMFORTABLE? WE WILL!!! WHY??? BECAUSE IT'S BASIC HUMAN DECANCY.

Autistic people are people too. With feelings, emotions, opinions, and boundaries. Just like every other human being on this planet. We are human, just with a more different mindset than most. And most Autistic people try their best to respect people's boundaries and to listen to people when they say no or to stop. If William Gold really is autistic and has a known habit of biting, he could have easily gone on Amazon and gotten a chewing necklace to help with the habit. They're like $5-11 and they almost always come in packs of 3-5 or more. I've had several throughout my life, and they really do help with said habit. So he has NO reason and NO excuse to be biting someone else instead. ESPECIALLY TO THE POINT THE PERSON IS SCREAMING AT THEM AND USING A SAFE WORD TO STOP.

And you people have to keep in mind that the biting isn't the only awful thing he's done to Shelby. He has physically abused her. He had pinned her down and had told her to try her hardest to get him off with full knowledge that she has been $e×ually assaulted before and then said something along the lines of that, he was so much stronger than her and that "she wouldn't be able to fight back". Had likely loved bombed her at the beginning of the relationship to make her stay(which, if you didn't know is a big red flag). Threw away almost all of her things after they broke up without even telling her. Manipulated her and gaslighted her (saying he wanted kids/marriage and then further into the relationship telling her he never wanted that & never said that) plus A LOT more.

Long story short:

-The autistic excuse is a load of fucking bullshit.

-PLEASE do some research about Neurodivergent people before you say anything relating to them online.

-While you're at it, research different kinds of abuse and manipulative behavior because you obviously don't understand that THIS? BITING someone to the point it HURTS AND THEY ARE SCREAMING? IS VERY CLEARLY ABUSE.

-Stop defending someone who already owned up to it (in the most shittiest and self-centered way possible, making it all about himself and also not even mentioning her NAME ONCE).

-Get off whatever social media platform you're on and either go play a game, go outside, read a book, or go to sleep if its late.

-And Always Support The Victim. NEVER The Fucking Abuser.

___________________________________________

(Final notes: I seriously recommend that you watch Shelby's VOD of you haven't and read these websites start to finish. You'll find a lot that relates back to William's behavior. Both inside and outside this relationship.

Shelby Shubble VOD

youtube

After reading them, I still recommend that you do more research about the topics I brought up. It could save your life one day.)

#shubble #shelby shubble #fuck wilbur soot #wilbur soot #tw abuse mention #tw bruises #tw biting #tw sex assault #tw manipulation #tw gaslighting #Youtube

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grison-in-space · 26 days

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You know, we tend to think about play centered around the boundaries and interactions of power dynamics as a kink thing, but I think that's a bit short-sighted. Perhaps it's that I have mostly taught adults—which imposes a distinct but limited power dynamic on the working relationship—but I find I use play constantly to help frustrated or shy students relax, especially when relaxing about the possibility that I am particularly upset, impatient, or judgemental about their temporary struggle. Lots of smiling, careful observation of body language—if they stiffen further they're not necessarily parsing that it's play and I need to change tactics. I often make an explicit statement like "oh no, the horror, you're learning," smile as warmly as I can project, validate the frustration and point to any clear progress I see, and then ask questions about the place where they're struggling.

Trying to use cuts more to spare dashes, but the more I think about it, the more I keep coming up with examples of boundary/hierarchy play in cases of strong working relationships between established dynamics. It's not something I only engage in from top down, either: I also offer play gestures around boundaries to people who are supervising me, if and only if I otherwise like and trust them enough to do so.

Often students will engage in mock boundary pushing at "boundaries" that they have observed that I don't give a shit about, like the time one of my students was asked to explain why his DNA signature was "found" on a broken pipette in genetics class (implied: he was being charged with breaking it as part of an exercise in interpreting DNA fingerprinting data) and he submitted a two page legal brief with fully referenced case law mock accusing the class of stealing his genetic material without a warrant. (I was delighted. I often think fondly of that student, who had been enlisted military and clearly enjoyed play mocking the "brass," but was also absolutely respectful and engaged when it actually mattered.)

I see that with my dogs, too. For example, yesterday I observed Tribble catch my eye, start briefly digging in the garden—a behavior I pointedly discourage and have for most of her life—wiggle, and then take off to race around the yard while I stomped after her and pretended to be mad until she bounced up to the door and requested to come inside. (She was almost certainly getting cold.)

It's always risky to make inferences about animal signals and especially intentionality without good falsifiable hypotheses about what is being intentionally conveyed and unpacked, so just to be specific: she wiggled using very loose body language of the kind that we usually use when playing as we made eye contact, dug until I made an exaggerated outrage face and took a step towards her, and sprinted away to zoom around the yard in a way that a nearly thirteen year old dog generally does not do unless she has a strong, motivated point to make. I was also using exaggerated play versions of outrage: mock stomping my feet with big steps with no stiffness, waving my head from side to side in a gesture I make when playing with animals, a very offended high pitched "oh!" noise I don't make when I'm actually annoyed. Play around mock offense over a mock transgressed boundary, taking delight in each other's attention.

And I mean, she and I have known each other for almost twelve years. This is the dog I accidentally trained using only my idiosyncratic body language for cues; she never bothered to listen for vocal cues until Tay tried to ask her for things with slightly different hand signals and she was bewildered. We're both pretty good at reading each other at this point.

I just think there is a strong tendency to carve out hierarchy and boundaries as Very Serious Business all the time, especially when we are thinking about ethical power dynamics. But it's not always, not even close: ethical play across boundaries should be consensual and bidirectional (even if the social hierarchy isn't entirely consensual, as with parent/child or dog/handler relationships), and if it's not it should cease. We've all seen the mortification of bosses who attempt play with subordinates who are Not Enjoying Themselves, right? You've all seen The Office?

I'm just enjoying thinking about boundaries and hierarchies in this way this morning. We (by virtue of the fact that you're interacting with me on the Anglophone Internet, anyway) live in a culture that finds hierarchy and explicitly acknowledged power dynamics really distasteful and uncomfortable, but those dynamics are still real and they absolutely exist. As someone who has some distinct scars from people who had power over me but wanted to pretend that we were peers when that was convenient, I think there's something valuable about acknowledging how much play can be held in a healthy, solid nonsexual relationship that still has power dynamics and firm boundaries.

#boundaries #hierarchies #play #relationships #social interactions

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muzansfangs · 9 months

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Hello! I am new to the demon slayer fandom but I just finished up season 3 so far and I am in love with Douma!

Could I possibly request headcanons on what he would like in a partner, like personality wise? I know he’s clinically apathetic and the only time he felt something was with shinobu, so he’s capable of it! But what would his partner be like to make him feel the same way? To make him love and care for them?

Preferably a demon reader if ya don’t mind!

If you don’t feel comfortable writing that that’s totally fine!! Thank you!!

What Douma seeks in a partner.

Starring: Douma x f!reader (both human and demon).

Warnings: none, basically fluff and a little innuendo to sex, because it’s Douma we are talking about.

Format: head canons

Plot: what does Douma seeks in a partner? What peculiar traits she posses that pique his interest? Are there any differences between a demon s/o and a human s/o?

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

If you are a demon…

• Douma is probably attracted to you for your physical appearence, at first. He is a simple man from that point of view: he likes you, he is going to get you. Obviously, his lack of emotions and empathy are going to make things hard, especially since you would struggle to grasp whatever is crossing his mind, or understand the meaning of his actions. The only hint you would be able to take is his clinginess. He becomes your shadow. Wherever you are, he is.

• Douma would not mind it if his partner was weaker than him. Actually, there is an high possibility that you cannot keep up with him. He possesses the rank of Upper Moon Two, after all. This might grant him the chance to protect you and, consequentially, to make him show you that he genuinely cares for you.

• When it comes to the kind of personality he would adore to find in his partner, Douma would seek devotion and respect. He is used to be worshipped as a living god. He is well-educated too, which means he would probably enjoy long conversations about philosophical and mystical concepts, especially regarding the meaning life. Two immortal beings could easily indulge in such topics. Despite being goofy, even around Lord Muzan, he is the type of guy who could easily focus his attention on you and display a vast knowledge on various subjects.

• If Douma finds his perfect match, he would probably open up about his inability to feel emotions and understand feelings. Therefore, if he feels comfortable around you, he will have no troubles in expressing his doubts and questions about sensations, behaviors and reactions he cannot comprehend. What he indeed seeks in a partner is acceptance.

• Since his significant other is a demon too, he would have no troubles in letting you join him during his meals. He knows that a demon cannot be horrified by the act of eating human flesh. He would not mind if you were a ferocious, greedy demon as well. If you cannot seem to get enough, he would probably spoil you by giving you the full access to his followers in the Temple. His cheerful nature would probably make him say something among the lines of “Please, darling, choose your next meal! They are all quite tasty!”.

• If you loved to mess around like him, that would mean stepping into a real Paradise for him. Testing other demons’s patience? Annoying Akaza? If you even suggested him something like that, he would probably turn you into the divinity worshipped into his Cult.

• Sometimes, he might not understand why you seem to be so rough towards the slayers trying to kill you. He is not only an Upper Moon, but the second strongest demon after Muzan. This and his natural predisposition for being apathetic lead him not to take most of his battles seriously. On the other hand, you are feral and your instinct makes you want to end your battles quickly, most likely in a bloodbath, because you truly risk your neck. However, this is not a problem. Douma likes this wicked part of you.

• The fact that he does not need to really watch over you because your demonic nature grants you some indipendence is quite fine for him. He wants you to rely on him, sure, but he does not mind you taking care of your business on your own. He likes your determination.

• The fact that you are a demon means that you are not completely submissive by nature. The slightest hint of defiance and dominace, especially in the privacy of your chambers, is appreciated.

If you are a human…

• Douma does not mind your mortality. Once again, this man sees the beauty in your features before anything else. Your fragility makes you look so lovely and delicate in his eyes. He would have constant need to have you around him, to watch over you and make sure you do not get hurt. You are like a little gem to be treasured and he knows how to keep you safe from people that are not him. He needs and wants to be the only danger in your life.

• His human significant other has be devoted, as previously mentioned, but he wants her to be kind and generous above anything else. The innocence in her eyes would kind of tickle something into his dull, apathetic heart. He would seek her attention, her touch and, sometimes, simply her presence. He could spend hours contemplating you.

• His ideal partner should somehow be dependant on him. He would not mind taking care of her and he believes actions can be a tangible, unconfutable proof of his love for you. He does not struggle at all in dedicating his existence to find the most romantic words to whisper in his lover’s ear, but he conscious about the fact that they might sound a tad too much saccharine, coming from someone as emotionless as him.

• If his darling is grateful for what he does for her, he would feel like the luckiest man alive. He would seek acceptance from his lover. If you want to stay by his side, and do not end up like his former potential love interests, then you should learn to live with the fact that he is a demon. If you do, he might be kind enough not to slaughter and consume his followers in front of you. Show him gratitude and love and he will make you his queen.

AUTHOR NOTE.

Hello there! It looks like I have finally been able to fulfill a request! I am so sorry for the delay, but inspiration comes and goes. I will try to take care of the requests waiting in my inbox and being gradually covered by dust, lmao. I hope you enjoy this, dear anon. Likes, comments and re-posts are appreciated!

Until next,

X O X O

TAGS: @doumadono @doumaslotus @koyuki-the-flower @mrskokushibo my lovely mutuals and Douma’s simps❤️

#douma x reader #douma x you #douma x y/n #demon slayer douma #douma imagine #douma kny #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer #douma #upper moon two

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bronx-bomber87 · 15 days

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Hello my wonderful fandom :) Thank you for all your lovely comments on me being delayed. Not my usual M.O. but I definitely needed the extra time to process. I was GUTTED and absolutely wrecked. Poor D had to deal with my panic spiral for most of Wednesday. (love you lol) I'll be honest I'm still little shook up and sad. Kinda grateful for the 3 week break tbh between episodes. This was a gut punch I wasn't in the least expecting. Hoping we'll get a S7 announcement during this hiatus. *fingers crossed* Get it together ABC. This took me awhile to unpack emotionally so thank you all again for being so patient.

So I want to preface this post. There will be ZERO And I mean ZERO bashing of Tim in this review from me. Would appreciate that in comments as well. I love conversation you know I love comments. What I don't like is hate being spread. Also nothing on Eric either. I've also seen this which is utter madness. Don't touch our captain. Man loves this fandom so much. Deserves respect. If you came to this review for either of those things please promptly exit stage left. I mean that in the kindest way possible but I love Tim/Eric so it's a non starter with me.

I’ve never so deeply related with a character in all my life as I have with Tim Bradford. I’ll be dissecting this ep to best of my ability. I love both these characters so very much. Why I was knocked out for a couple days before could tackle this. I imagine my thoughts will change when I do my summer in depth one. When we have the rest of the season in pocket. I have to say this won't be mini at all. LOL So lets get rid of that concept right now ha I can't be mini with this ep. I am not brief so thanks for reading. Also hats off to Eric my god he was incredible in this episode. Melissa too killing me left, right and center you two. Let us get started.

6x06 Secret and Lies.

Poor Lucy looks like me when I’m stressed and drained af. Tamara asking how stressed she currently is? Lucy answering 19.....She looks like a 19 if not worse tbh. This is probably the most time they've spent apart since they got together. Basically living together at this point let's be honest. Other than 6x01 they haven't really spent time apart aside from that UC op in 5x21. *sigh*

Tamara asking if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy trying so hard to keep it together with her answer. My heart. What a wreck she is without Tim. Do love that we get to see her pin-up board btw. Good shot of her room we don’t usually get. That cupcake poster I love it so much. Although now it makes me sad...

Lucy asking what's wrong? Tamara telling her she wants to move out with some friends from school. Crap. Her moving is the last thing she needs…. But it's good for her even though the idea makes me sad. End of an era. Lucy is right she needs to live with people her own age. Doesn’t make it hurt less though. This is a ROUGH season for Lucy my god. The hits keep coming for our girl and I wanna hug her. Shield her somehow....

Lucy touching near her tattoo when she reaches Angela. (Mini gut punch.) I do love her coming to Angela about this. If there is anyone who knows Tim like she does it's Angela. Does help she finds his behavior alarming too. I mean of course she does. You can see the immediate worry. The empathy she has for Lucy is there but she holds her cards close in her advice. Telling her to trust him even though it's literally killing her. Not the council Lucy needed to hear or was looking for.

Lucy wanted more action than 'Just wait and trust him.' She has been trusting him but she’s so insanely worried. Going out of her mind with anxiety for her person. It's exuding out of of her and she looks like she wants to cry…Ugh me too Lucy. I’m an empath and an anxious one at that. I would be going out of my mind too…. Angela looks worried as hell though. Even though she isn't conveying that to Lucy at this point. Breaking my heart as she takes off from their convo. Because if she doesn't she'll lose it right then and there.

God I love Angela Lopez. First off well done on tracking him down. She's just a bad ass. I mean it's one of the reason's Lucy reached out to her tbh. Just gets into his car, drinking his soda, calling him out right away. I love her reasoning saying she can live off Wesley’s trust fund. Lmao. Doesn’t matter as much if she get's fired. 'Wine o'clock.' for her. Gotta love the confidence. I truly hope we get more Tim/Angela scenes the rest of this season. I always adore their dynamic.

Tim is sold on her reasoning and starts to explain the current situation he's trapped in. Angela taking it all in and assessing everything as he explains. Once Tim has succinctly summed up his current predicament Angela's reply is the best. 'I’m in.' lmao I love this woman. ‘I got your back boo.’ That she does. In more ways than he even realizes at this point.

Gotta commend Angela calling him out for walking away from Lucy. Not only that but his job to arrest a guy hasn’t thought of in a decade…. Ain’t no one better than her to be there to call him out his crap right now. Not only that but to really dig deep. To know this is far more than what he's sharing. This is why Angela is an incredible detective rooting things out like this. Saying this is more than just protecting Lucy. Her intuition is out of this world.

I mean she's not wrong. Lucy would understand if it was just about the benefits. She would be proud really. Thing is it's about protecting himself too. Which really just scratches the surface of why he is doing this. Tim knows he's caught even if he shrugs it off. She has him dead to rights and he knows it. 'I’m your BFF. I know you.' Ha it’s true whether you like it or not Timothy…Just like Lucy she has your number.

Angela giving him crap with how they're following Ray. Worried he isn't being smart about this. This is so unlike him to be this sloppy and unfocused. She was right he was tailing too close… Ray catches on to their tail quickly. When he scanned the vehicle made me so nervous. Doing it while he's taunting Tim. He's so detail oriented blows my mind Tim let that get by him. This SL gave me such MASSIVE anxiety as I watched it. Oh my lord.

The minute they get back to Angela's place she calls him out once again. Asking why he thinks this is ALL his fault? Tim shrugs it off and she refuses to take that as his final answer. Of course Angela was right there is far more to this story. Tim finally opens up to her about what happened. He had been leading his squadron for some time. Looking to move up to Sergeant.

The catch was he couldn’t be promoted if there was rampant criminality in his unit. Ray clearly was in the way of him moving up. Tim figured he could keep it within his unit if they went after him.. Oh Tim…. It was an unsanctioned mission too. Thinking if he could accomplish this would be easy fast track to his promotion.

Kills me to know he was there during the air strike ugh… Details missing from the last episode. The Humvee saved him and Mark but not his other men… I can't imagine what Tim felt in that moment. The immense amount of guilt laid on his soul from here on out. I mean it makes sense why he never left patrol before Lucy. The last time he tried to advance his career this happened. My broken boy.

Eric CRUSHES this scene. I wanna cry. My poor Timothy. He was more focused more on his career than his oath...Got two of his men killed. My damn heart. He’s so ashamed of himself. The way he points at himself when he says 'leadership.' I knew his military past would be dark but holy crap. I wanted more of his backstory and they delivered that in spades. What a gut punch this had to be for him. No doubt his men were loyal af to him. Would've followed him anywhere and did.

He carries leading those men to their deaths because they followed his leadership. Oof. That is quite the weight to keep on your soul. Also gives us insight to why he shoulders everything. Even when he doesn't have to. Punishing himself for past transgressions such as this. I'm sure when we get to the other side of this season, I will have an even deeper respect for the writers going into his backstory like this. Giving us even more insight to this man.

This hurts so good to get this kind of info. I have no doubt that’s why he shut Lucy out. The shame he feels is overwhelming. I totally get it. Nothing scarier than someone knowing your darkest secrets. Not only that but worrying they’ll think less of you due to it. Tim already struggles with self loathing. Been a theme for him his entire arc on this series. Something I've touched on a lot. This is truly bringing that to light in the most painful way.

We see Ray scanned Tim's car in order to gain access to it. To check his GPS to see where he's been. How he's been tracking him. When he scrolls down to Lucy's address. Made my stomach sink. Legit felt sick to my stomach....

I do love Lucy coming home and having Tamara there. Saying she ordered pizza for them. This is exactly what she needs. Do you really have to go Tamara? I wonder if she'll delay leaving now after this ep. There is a knock at the door and of course it's not the pizza. It's Ray. Hair's on the back of my neck stood up from the moment he entered that apt.

I know Melissa stated in her interview she was nervous about this scene. That she came off awkward in her anger. You are incorrect madam. Holy hell Lucy is a BAMF. Telling him the only call she's gonna make is for the ambulance. Because when she's done with him he's going to need it to wheel him out. Holds her ground like the confident bad ass we've all loved seeing her become.

Lucy calling him shaking and demanding where he was. Ooh lord hell fire coming with her through that front door. I love Angela grabbing Tamara to another room. Like let's go mom and dad are about to have a big blow out. Let's give them some space...

Tim asking if she's ok? Truly concerned but Lucy isn't having ANY of it. 'Do I look ok?' Damn no she doesn't....Ripping into him saying how that creep could've showed up when she wasn't there. Lucy is not wrong....Oh my lord I’ve never seen her so damn mad. She is RAGING at him and rightfully so. Her home was violated, Tamara was put in danger and threatened. All because Tim was trying to protect her. phew.

Tim FINALLY concedes to telling her something. It only seems to enrage her more. She is literally vibrating with anger in this scene with him. The more he tells her the more it doesn't explain why he left her in the dark. Lucy begging him to read her in. I mean she has earned that my love. ..Telling him to stop protecting her. Gah Tim is a deep loyalist who would protect anyone he loves even if it's not the right thing. His reply is a reflection of that.

'I can't. I won't.' He's so driven to keep her safe. His instinct is to protect her but doesn't see he's hurting her in the process. I knew she was going to be pissed he let Angela in and not her. But Tim was right she has a lot less to lose. Which doesn't seem pertinent in this moment...I do love her placing her hands on his when she also replies. 'I can't. I won't.'

Mirroring his words from moments ago. Just like he will never stop protecting her. Lucy will never stop fighting for him or longing to help him. That man is her entire world. The most important person in her life. It makes perfect sense she would help with this. Career be damned. I mean she risked her career to get him a shot at Metro. Of course she would do the same thing in order to shoulder his burden with him.

Love her standing her ground in this moment. Like damnit I love you and you are going to let me in. Whether you like it or not I am here and I'm going to help. If this wasn't a reflection of the communication problems that still painfully exist between them I don't know what is. I mean she tried to be patient and trust him. But honestly he needed this kick in the ass to let her in. Which is a problem. Lucy needs to be the first person he goes to. It shouldn't have to come to this. *sigh*

Their OP goes off without a hitch. Except Ray saying he was going to be an air strike on Tim's life.... God I had no idea as I was watching that scene how true it would be. Tim gets his interview and lies to protect Angela and Lucy. While keeping his own job intact as well. Also welcome back to Jackson’s dad. Hello there Percy. This is not how I wanted to see him again.

But he is IA him returning was never gonna be a good thing tbh in a post Jackson world. Regardless it was nice to see him again. The scene is Grey's office is ROUGH. Never seen Wade so disappointed in Tim. It hurts to watch. Just like this entire gut punch of an episode. Tim is just standing there in utter shame of everything. Ashamed Wade is looking at him like this.

Kills me Grey has to inform Pine of what he did. It makes sense he has to but damn that sucks. The amount of respect Tim has for Wade is immense. To watch him tear Tim apart and just stand there like a puppy being scolded hurts my soul. Especially when he tries to fight Pine knowing. Just dismissing him without further comment or argument...

So I will say this and it's not at all fair to Lucy that I thought this I'm sure. But I felt like if there was gonna be a breakup it would be coming from her. Not Tim in this moment. That's the part of this moment that really knocked the wind out of me. She had every damn right to be the one too btw. Instead she is there waiting for him with open arms. Honestly I took a breath for the first time this entire episode when she welcomed him in.

Wrapping him up in her arms. Encasing him, rubbing his back, her fingers in his hair. Gently cradling him against her. I thought ok maybe we'll be alright. Since Lucy isn't nearly as angry as she was earlier. Maybe they can get through this together. Cause she loved on him regardless of what happened. The unconditional love she has for this man blows me away. I honestly thought with her loving on him maybe they'd make it out. That they’d work through it together.

Tim looks so very defeated. On the verge of an actual breakdown as he explains that he lied about everything. Saying it saved his job...protected Angela and her. It doesn't seem like enough of a win to him. He looks so very destroyed and this is just the beginning of his downward spiral.

Lucy is doing everything to be his rock in this moment. To assuage him of his guilt… Most vulnerable ever seen Tim *pre tears*…. Lucy telling him it was an impossible situation. She would've done the same thing. It’s so very clear she was willing to work through this. To build them back to where they were before he got that phone call. Everything Lucy was in this scene represented her unconditional love for him. Tim is just too destroyed at the moment to see it….Also for him to accept it. It's so hard to truly accept unconditional love if you've never had it before. To truly trust in it.

Lucy is watching him spiral out of control. The way he's talking about himself with such loathing. How she never would've been in a place where she put her self interest over her team like him. She is trying her damndest to right his wrong. But Tim is having none of it. It pains me to see it... Pains Lucy too. It's the way she grabs onto him while he continues his verbal self flogging that get's me.

Trying to ground him in this moment with her touch. Bring him back to her. Something that has worked so well in the past. Sadly not having the intended affect this time around. Tim is too damn gone at this point. He feels he’s betrayed everything he thought he was. THOUGHT he was. *heart clutch* Tim has such a deep moral compass. That's why this is rocking him so very much. Ugh my heart. I too have a crazy deep moral compass. I can't say I wouldn't be spiraling out like him as well.

This was his greatest sin brought to light. To Tim exposing him for the fraud he feels he is. Him saying he's been lying to himself for a long time is a reflection of this. That imposter syndrome coming out real strong here. Something he buried deep down came rushing to the forefront and he is imploding. Says as much above. He no longer feels worthy to be in her life now. I get this anytime I screw up with a friend or my sister. I have this deep sense of shame attached to it. Like I no longer deserve that friend or my sister cause I messed up or if a past sin comes up. That they'll no longer love me or will forever look at me differently cause of it.

It's not logical but it's deeply ingrained from my mom shaming me for doing anything wrong growing up. As it is for Tim. His father literally beat the hell out of him for ever being out of line. He has suffered emotional and physical abuse. Unless confronted and treated comes out like this. Demons making their way to the surface. I was bawling by the time he said 'I'm sorry.' He’s never seen himself worthy of Lucy’s love that much has always been evident. But to see it this raw and visceral ripped my heart out. It’s on the ground where they're both standing.

I think this is something that has been brewing in the background for Tim for a long time. Now that I've had time away to decompress and think. I'm actually very excited they're tackling this. It's clear Tim is not in a place where he thinks he deserves her anymore. Low key never has been. He acts before he thinks. Eric had a great quote from his interview about Tim "He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through, and it can come out a bit too strong.” That is this decision in a nutshell. He feels he is a burden therefore he is removing himself without thinking it through. The regret that is going to come with this is going to be immense for him.

'You deserve so much better.' Better than me basically. He feels immense shame and that shame is launching him away from her. You know I learned something in therapy about this. About not being perfect and feeling like I'm too much. i.e. a burden. My therapist told me and it made me cry. 'You are worthy of the space you take up in people's lives. They want you there.' Tim does not think he is worthy of the space he is taking up in Lucy's life now. All his sins on the table laid out for her to see. He can't handle it. That much is very clear here. I will say I haven’t let a ship hurt me like this in a long time.

This absolutely crushed me. I couldn't even fathom assembling my thoughts. Cut me very deep. Been with this ship since day one. Also what a crushing blow this is for Lucy. Our poor girl. I mean she gave everything to this relationship. I mean EVERYTHING. She was all in from the moment Tim said ‘Unless it is.’ This was her first real relationship. First real leap into being serious. Thinking about marriage and kids. She gave her all to Tim my god. Her career took a hit for him and she never complained. Knew he was worth it (he still is btw) Fought every step of the way for him. For them.

When he was pulling back above it was an absolute panic for her. She could see him slipping through her fingers. Idk what broke my heart more Tim thinking he’s not worthy of her any longer or her begging him not to do this. She literally can't fathom how he can let go of her like this. Thought she was his person. Tim feels he’s gone back to who he was pre-Lucy and that scares him. He feels undeserving of the love she has to give him. Lucy knows everything and in his mind he can’t imagine her still loving him.

Lucy was as we all were in this scene. In disbelief... Even though Tim put her though absolute hell she was still there to comfort and support him. Because to her he is worth it even in the hard times. We all know Tim isn’t the best with his emotions. In his trauma damaged brain he thinks he’s doing the right thing here. That he’s radioactive, she deserves better than being around him and his reckless behavior.

The kiss on her head. Lucy trying to physically push away his rejection. Stomping all over my damn heart...However this ends up playing out Tim is going to have to address his emotional instability. How he charges forward and doesn’t think things through. Ruled by his emotions in the worst way. He’s impulsive and he’s gonna have to fight to get her back when he’s in a better mindset. Her trust has been obliterated by this. She fought and clawed for them and this was her reward. He’s gonna have to do some serious healing to get back to her. Lucy has loved him the best she can but he needs to put in some work now. We see next ep he's meeting with Aaron's therapist. Don't love that but I’ve wanted Tim to go to therapy for years. He needs this. Therapy doesn’t work unless you put the effort in though.

That will be a challenge for him. When I get out of the purview of this hurt I’m feeling...I’m actually going to be really impressed and happy they had Tim go through this. Do I think this is the end of them? No I think this is some serious growing pains. It was issues that have been percolating since Lucy did that 5 player trade. Hell probably back in 5x12 when Tim sacrificed himself without telling her so they could stay together. I still think that was romantic because of it's intended nature. BUT was the beginning of the communication problems. They’ve grown so very much in that regard. We’ve seen it but there is still work to be done on that front. It just came to a very gutting painful head.

I still have faith in the writers. I still have faith they’ll be ok. It might not be right away and I'm already feeling impatient tbh. But this is some serious realism being applied to them. It wasn't some random BS angst. Honestly we’re lucky our ship gets the most attention, the best SL’s and two people who LOVE these characters. They absolutely adore them and this ship. If you haven’t read Melissa and Eric’s interviews for this episode I highly recommend. This sucks right now. No two ways about it. But we will survive this storm. They’ll come out stronger than ever. Truly believe that. But for now let's rally around each other and get through this together. There will be brighter days ahead just doesn't feel like it right now. We got this.

~~~

Side notes non Chenford.

Do love Aaron working with Harper all if of all I cared about other than their SL in this one. Nolan's I fast forwarded which I normally don't do but I had no patience for his BS in this ep lol My anxiety was rampant in this ep and had no space for him.

Also RIP Metro Tim for the 6x07 promo. This hurts to see not just cause I enjoyed him in that outfit lol But to see his career take a nosedive like this. I wanted more Tim back story. Didn’t think would hurt like this though....Feel free to comment I love you all for any interaction I get with these. <3

#Caitlin mini reviews #chenford #s6 #the rookie 6x06 #6x06 Secret and Lies #otp: unless it is #otp: doing my job #the rookie #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

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msmargaretmurry · 2 months

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I'm not a Caps follower but I tend to keep a closer eye on the guys who have struggled with their health (mental and physical), and I have the utmost respect for Kuzy, with how open he has been about his struggles and what he's needed to do to cope, especially in this shitty, shitty culture (SO many of the problems these guys face go right back to the culture and its expected/encouraged behaviors.) It's sad to see the Caps drop him like that, but I'm telling myself that if this is how they're treating him, they likely aren't going to be the right team to give him the support he needs, and maybe the next team that picks him up will. I'm rooting for him.

i mean, i don't think the caps are just "dropping him like that." and i'm not just saying that because i'm a caps fan — i definitely think they, like all teams, have had times when they've handled their players poorly — but this is a different kind of situation. i think you're right that the caps aren't the team for kuzy right now, not because they're unwilling to support him, but because he has said, multiple times, that he wants and needs a change of scenery and a fresh start. it would be cruel of the capitals not to give him that at this point. we can quibble over whether this is the best way to go about that (i certainly have mixed feelings about it) but i do think that it's a more complicated situation than just dropping him.

kuzy has been saying for a while now that he wants a change of scenery and a second chance somewhere else. he has reportedly been asking for a trade for a couple of seasons now — i say reportedly because the source is a bit iffy, but it seems at least somewhat true — and the caps have been trying to find a deal that works for both him and them since at least last summer. when he came back from the assistance program, the caps gm spoke with kuzy and his representatives, and what it sounds like to me is that kuzy really wanted that change of scenery as soon as possible. putting him on waivers is the fastest way to make that happen.

trades can take time to put together, especially if they've been shopping him for a while and nothing has worked out. waivers mean another team can claim him while giving up nothing, or if no one claims him, there's a spot for him in hershey. (and if he doesn't want to go to hershey — which is ftr one of the bests spot to be in the ahl. their facilities are better than some nhl teams' facilities — he has the option not to report, which would probably mean suspending his contract, which could get messy, but the caps could also agree to loan him elsewhere.)

this is clearly not a move that the caps made lightly. they are, like all teams, imperfect at player management, but they also are, at the very least, pretty damn loyal to that remaining core of 2018 players. they know how caps fans feel about kuzy. maclellan has said they're willing to retain some of his salary as part of a deal to move him; he has said he can see a scenario where he comes back to the capitals once he gets himself sorted out. but kuzy has made it very clear that he does not feel like he is mentally or emotionally able to do that sorting out in washington. i don't think that necessarily is a knock against the caps. sometimes when you hit rock bottom you really do just need a change of scenery to be able to heal.

anyway. i'm sad about it, because it's sad, but i also feel complicated about it, because people are complicated, and it's a complicated situation. but above all i am rooting for kuzy, and i really hope this helps him find a place where he can get that fresh start.

#ask #evgeny kuznetsov #washington capitals #hockey for ts #and idk maybe i'm completely wrong #i try really hard not to be a shill for management lmao but i feel like with this information we have this is a reasonable read on the sitc #maybe we'll learn something more that paints gmbm & co in a way worse light #(which would be disappointing but not surprising because this is hockey after all)#but as things stand now....... yeah. idk. sad day for fans of beautiful birds

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thevirgodoll · 1 year

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A Rant on Friendships.

You know… ever since I learned that being ignored or ostracized caused the same amount of pain in the brain as physical pain, it all clicked. I was never too emotional or overreacting to getting left behind by people I would’ve done everything for. I was grieving a loss. I was grieving having love exploding inside of me with no release.

As someone who prioritizes conflict resolution, I can’t fathom a life where extreme avoidance is the default. While I go through periods of isolation, I go out of my way to affirm everyone and make them feel safe. I can’t possibly understand doing otherwise. Maybe, it’s not something for me to understand.

If it was a romantic partner treating them this way, they’d throw a fit. Love them one day, hate them the next. And that’s the problem… we have normalized that behavior and called it a boundary. That’s not the definition of setting a boundary. Stonewalling is literally emotional abuse. A boundary involves reciprocal behavior, not punishment.

There’s such a selfish, lackadaisical approach everyone has with each other in friendships. These types of people are the first to complain about lacking friends, but don’t want to do the work to upkeep them.

Because I go through hell in my life by being disabled, I find it to be no excuse at this point. I find some way to stay afloat for everyone else, even when I’m drowning. I say these friendship sentiments often, but it’s getting to the point to where I don’t even want to try anymore. I am tired. I’m done overextending myself or waiting for things to change or for someone to recognize my story and just…be present.

The horrors are immeasurable, but we must endure. Therapy has taught me to prioritize vulnerability… so when I display that, and don’t get it back, I’ve learned to just understand I can’t have someone like that in my space. In my healing process, it’s become apparent that I have to see actions for what they are. I can’t control everything. I have to value myself even when someone else devalues me. It’s not personal, it’s misdirection… it’s projection.

When someone is blinded by their own cynicism and insecurities, it’s easy to maintain bias and mindset fallacies. It's easy to be committed to a narrative that doesn't exist. It's easy to perceive what you want to. But like I always say, perception is truly not reality. Knowing that is the only way to tear down your ego enough to navigate friendships and relationships when it comes to conflict resolution.

Recognizing patterns is a huge key to self development and growth, not just creating a self care routine or wearing a face mask or making a Pinterest board. Accountability is the step to mindfulness. Wisdom comes in admitting you don’t know what you don’t know.

And that requires a skill set that so many people are unwilling to have and refine. Admitting you’re the problem means facing yourself. People would rather turn their back than look in the mirror.

I do not wish to entertain dynamics where I don’t feel the love, where I feel like I’m taking up too much space, where I have to chase someone to even get half of what I’d give them.

Some people don’t have the capacity to be what I need them to be, and I have to learn to be okay with that. And even still, I have the upmost respect and deep love anyway.

I can vouch for my own character. I don’t need anyone to validate it for me. If someone wants to go choose rocks when they have a Diamond in front of them, then so be it. That’s their L to take. Not mine.

All love. Grateful for what is in alignment.

#i say this a lot but idc #thoughts #mental health #actually chronically ill #chronic illness #actually adhd #adhd #disability

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rhythmelia · 10 months

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Support a Translator of Color (1 day left of Crowd Justice fundraising!)

Fresh post for the tags! As I've shared extensively in updates on this post since 2023.06.24, my friend Yilin Wang (yilinwriter on twitter) has had their translation work stolen and used uncredited by the British Museum in a major exhibit on The Hidden Century in Chinese history that featured major feminist revolutionary Qiu Jin, and when called out on that behavior, the museum chose to remove Qiu Jin's poetry and Yilin's translation, silencing both of them. Instead of, yanno, naming the translator and giving appropriate credit and payment. ....yup.

So! Here's the Crowd Justice:

Case updates can be found at that fundraiser (especially as the muskrat has made twitter into an epic trashfire at the moment) but some key points, in Yilin's words:

I need to raise at least £15,000 by July 10th to enable me to instruct expert lawyers in London to initiate a claim of infringement of my copyright and moral rights. I will be working with lawyers in the UK to bring a claim against the British Museum for its infringement of my copyright and moral rights in the Intellectual Property Enterprise Court (IPEC), which is a specialist court and part of the Business and Property Courts of the High Court of Justice in London. ......

Please contribute and share if you can - each and every small contribution is very much appreciated! Let’s hold the British Museum accountable together! I realise that this is a lot of money at any time, and especially in the current economic circumstances, but the cost and difficulty of taking legal action is a huge barrier when it comes to access to justice. My hope is that if I am able to generate enough support to take this point of principle forward, it will give the British Museum and all similar institutions the maximum possible incentive to avoid similar conduct in the future, because they will see that there is collective power in communities who feel disrespected and insulted. .....

Why This Case Matters This case matters to me not only because I believe both my work and Qiu Jin's work should receive the credit and respect they deserve, but because it affects the copyright and moral rights of all translators, writers, and creatives.

The British Museum has not issued an appropriate apology or taken proper responsibility for its actions, so if it is not held accountable, then this is a cycle that stands to be repeated.

Yilin was able to make the minimum to retain a lawyer, and is now working towards the stretch goal. Here's part of the statement from the lawyer on the crowd justice page:

Accordingly, it is not giving anything away to say that we sincerely hope that the British Museum come to recognise the shortcomings in their conduct so far, and move to make amends rather than fight Yilin all the way. We will make Yilin’s funds go as far as we can, but there is a real prospect of the case being drawn out beyond the funding she has available, so it continues to be the case that every pound she raises towards her stretch targets puts her in the strongest possible position - a position that the British Museum has extensive visibility of - to hold out for what she deserves with help of expert legal assistance.

Currently it's at £16,722 pledged towards the stretch target of £20,000 from 573 pledges in small amount donations. Help Yilin be able to keep going if the British Museum continues to behave badly and try to fight until Yilin's out of funds. Please consider reblogging and/or donating a small amount if you can - about 1 day left to July 10! (I'm in UTC-7 and it's the 8th for me but I'm not sure what timezone the fundraiser site is in, since it says 1 day left there)

tagging @copperbadge, @vaspider and @prismatic-bell on the off chance they might be interested in signal boosting? No pressure though!

#Chinese Poetry #British Museum #Yilin Wang #copyright infringement #Name the Translator #crowdfunding #signal boost #long post #my post

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givemeanaccountalready · 3 months

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A Who-Swung-It Mystery: The Case of the Switch-Hitter (2/3)

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Another fun fact before the cut, did you know that the term sinister, meaning evil or lurking danger, comes from the Latin term sinister, meaning of the left side? Its antonym, dexter, means on the right side.

Just the warning one more time: despite the humorous title, I want to be serious for a second. I am not a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist/licensed social worker/etc., and I am certainly not an expert on dissociative identity disorder (DID). My knowledge of this disorder comes from the research I have done to try and understand it. I am trying to be as respectful as possible towards the subject matter, and I sincerely apologize if I show a lack of understanding and will do my best to correct it. Any mention of DID is more focused on switching since we haven't got a clue as to how Mikoto developed DID, and the how isn't really important to the murder itself.

Again, I apologize for the length. Building a case against Mikoto has been a proper pain in my ass because of the constant misdirection from John. If you missed it, I argued that based on the behavior shown by Mikoto and John, I believe that Mikoto is the killer and John is attempting to shield him by taking full responsibility. John's acts of erasing what Mikoto has done led him to believe that his murder of the blond, young man seen in MeMe was just a bad dream. I also drew a connection between Mikoto and John and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I just find it fascinating that John is depicted as the Hyde to Mikoto's Jekyll, but instead of wreaking destruction, John provides Mikoto with protection by playing into the evil alter trope and claiming he had been the one to kill. I also talked about switch-hitting and why batting left, despite being naturally right-handed, is something Mikoto would do, not John.

If you'd like to start violently shaking me again, feel free!

One or Two: How Many Alters are There?

Ultimately, my theory hinges on the belief that it is just Mikoto and John. Initially, I believed that there was only Mikoto and another personality (the dual personalities, collectively called Bokuto and Orekoto until Neoplasm). Then, after seeing some really good Trikoto arguments (Aokoto, Akakoto, Midorikoto) that justified it with the existence of a third personality, I started believing it too. Now, I'm hearing that Yamanaka debunked the Trikoto theories when Double was first released, I'm back to thinking that there are just two personalities: Mikoto and John. Although, I would not be upset if Trikoto was right. Those were some really thorough arguments using lighting, and I ended up looking back at the use of lighting when I was analyzing MeMe.

A huge part of the Trikoto arguments were the use of blue, red, and green lighting throughout MeMe. That is when I noticed something about the red light. While red light overwhelms the mental mindscape whenever John appears, the use of red light in the physical world is rather minimal and only used twice. Both times that it is used the physical world, it involves the victim's point of view (the left-handed swing and the implied burial), and the red light is a small amount reflected off of Mikoto's eyes.

MeMe's Use of the Mental and Physical World

In MeMe, we can very clearly see the difference between the physical world and Mikoto's mindscape. There are no moving parts to it, and it is isolated to one location. His mindscape is combines the layout of his studio apartment (we can see his couch, coffee table, and TV stand) with the crumbling tile walls that seem to come from his bathroom. The physical world in MeMe depicts various locations, starting with the scene of the crime and ending inside of Mikoto's apartment. We are also shown two scenes where John gets rid of evidence by burying the body (implied by the dirt being tossed over the camera) and throwing out the bloodied clothing in the dumpster (explicitly shown).

The physical world scenes use green-blue tints, and I found that the use of more green lighting than blue or vice versa is subjective to a viewer's definition of which color is more dominant and it is inconsistent, making it difficult to tell who is fronting. Personally, I think it is used to help misdirect the audience because the color of the lighting and the behavior of Mikoto and John are inconsistent.

The mindscape does not have this problem. Not only does it have a stark division between Mikoto and John by using the peaceful blue water to represent Mikoto and the stained water/red blood to represent John, but it also has blue mindscape Mikoto and red mindscape John behave how we expect them to (Mikoto is confused and pleading while John is mocking and menacing). It's pretty clear that the image Yamanaka wanted when we think of John is red = aggression. Perhaps the overkill of red light in the mindscape is to make it clear that John is now fronting and in control, while the minimal use of in the physical world is to highlight how hidden DID can be or how switching can be ignored or written off. In addition to the lighting, I would like you to also take a look at the use of eyes, tarot cards, and right-left dichotomy in MeMe.

At the very beginning of MeMe, there is a red haze over the mindscape and we see who we can presume to be John pick up the camera and smile at the audience. Then it cuts to the two large tarot cards of the Hanged Man (reversed) overlapping the Fool (upright) in the blue mindscape. The reversed Hanged Man is on the right while the upright Fool is on the left. From what I can tell, a reversed Hanged Man seems to mean that a person feels as though they are sacrificing a lot without getting much in return or it is not turning out the way one would expect it should. Knowing what we know about Mikoto's workplace, this might be referring his boss overworking him with unrealistic expectations. It overlaps the upright Fool card, which usually represents new beginnings. This could refer to John's 'birth' but I think it probably represents Mikoto being hired at his company. The stress from the overwhelming work load now overshadows this amazing new opportunity.

We cut to the train tracks to witness the part of the meeting and murder of the blond man. If you look at the area, it’s secluded and dark. It’s not a place where you just take a stroll. Mikoto is waiting for someone. There is no bat, and it looks like Mikoto is loosely holding his phone in his hand. We cannot make out his expression, much less see his eyes. Then we jump forward to the victim’s point of view to see Mikoto ready himself for a left-handed swing. His arms make it hard to see his expression, but we can make out his left eye, which is reflecting red light. During the right-handed overhead swing, implied to be the kill swing, we cannot see Mikoto’s eyes. And, I didn't realize this when I first watched MeMe and Double, but MeMe actually does pose the idea that Mikoto seems to believe that he dreamed of killing a person, something Double insists on. The lyrics during the murder shown in MeMe ask, “How long would this dream go on?”

When Mikoto returns to his apartment, Yamanaka avoids showing us his eyes at first. After taking off his shirt, it looks as though Mikoto is looking back at the audience, but his hair is blocking most of his right eye. We then cut to him on the couch for the "Switch / Shake up that brain" line where we can see his left eye but his bangs hide his right eye completely. Then, we are first transported to the blue, clean water mindscape where his right eye is the one that opens. I think this is the early evidence that we are meant to associate Mikoto with his right side and John with his left, because there is so much left and right action going on in both songs that I'm getting a headache. Back to the couch, Mikoto reaches for a tarot card, and the mindscape world turns dark and has a laid out array of tarot cards overlaid his stacked deck where Mikoto first picks the Devil (upright) tarot card. The upright Devil tarot card usually signifies depression, addiction, or despondency. This could be the stress from being overwhelmed with work. It is supported by the glitchy cut following this, where we see Mikoto come into his apartment late at night and break down into tears.

Again, we cannot see Mikoto's eyes when he disposes of the trash bag and his bloody beanie or when he brushes his teeth (right side of his mouth, actually) while his left cheek is splattered with blood. We have more focus on the left-right split where Mikoto has his left hand beside the bathroom mirror as John looks on in concern. And then we see Mikoto's right (and visibly covered by his sweater sleeve) hand rest beside the mirror as John gives the creepy, menacing smile. Mikoto reels backwards and the Devil tarot card falls into his lap. Coincidentally, John doesn’t appear in the mindscape again until the Devil tarot card falls a second time and hits the water of the mindscape, turning it blood red. It almost seems accidental, with Mikoto watching the tarot card fall to the ground in horror. John stands behind him menacingly, but his eyes are hidden. We don’t yet know his intentions, but with the menacing red light, we are led to believe that they are bad. The Devil tarot card being repeated three times could signal Trikoto, but I think this may just be to establish John's existence before Mikoto got his current job. He has been there, watching Mikoto with concern (first mirror appearance), and then John was proud of being able to intervene with something that had happened, possibly creating the blackmail material (hence the proud smile in his second mirror appearance). Neither mirror appearance is directly preceded by a Devil tarot card. The second mirror appearance actually comes before the tarot card. I could see the mirror appearances predating the Devil tarot card as a sign that John attempts at helping Mikoto relieve his stress only made things worse, leading directly to the murder.

After we see John in the mirror a second time, Mikoto seems to stumble backwards before he falls while the lines, "Why am I here? / It must be a mistake? / Take a good look at me / Until you find me" plays. I would argue that this is when Mikoto meets with his victim. They're two adults meant to talk things out. This is just a mistake that can be cleared up. This is when we see the Devil tarot card-for the second time overall-fall into his lap. The victim lays out his blackmail threat. Mikoto is despondent, and when he picks up the card, the image burns away. The lyrics played are, "The truth will come to reveal itself / I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I'm right" and I think this is when the seriousness of the situation hits. The mindscape is still blue as Mikoto sings, "All those ridiculous accusations" and then when the Devil tarot card falls to the ground, the mindscape glitches from blue to red to blue to red for "Hurting it / Holding it down". Now, this could be a sign of Mikoto starting the murder (at minimum, he delivers the first, left-handed swing of the bat) and John ends it by disposing of the evidence. Who delivered the second, deadly swing can be debated. I lean towards Mikoto delivering the deadly blow, and I will get to it in a minute.

This third appearance of the Devil tarot card directly precedes John's appearance in the mindscape, implying that John took over during some immensely triggering event. Based on how Mikoto seems to be frozen with horror during this time, I think this was when Mikoto realized that he had killed someone (hence the "My life... it wasn't supposed to be this way," glitched line from the first voice trailer. He cannot comprehend what he had just done, and John took over to dispose of the evidence, so Mikoto can just disregard this as a dream. Because Mikoto and John are both present for, "It doesn't change anything, does it / It's the same anywhere I go / It's like what's wrong isn't wrong / I'm already the fake one" it is hard to tell who is singing, but the self-pitying language makes me think of Mikoto, not John. Mikoto just wants to go along and get along but everyone around him insists on making trouble. First the victim threatening to get him fired, then Es insisting that his little dream was reality, and then Kotoko attacking him.

I think that when the mindscape turns red a second time, it is supposed to represent the switch during John Doe. Mikoto is pleading for Es to answer him and truly see his reality, “Why am I here? / It must be a mistake, right? / Take a good look at me / Until you find me,” and then he snaps, briefly turning the mindscape red on an overhead view. It’s almost as if the switching is done on purpose. From what I've read, forcing alters to switch can happen, but it is not advised because of the potential repercussions within the system. More than likely, Mikoto snapping before switching with John symbolizes Mikoto facing another trigger, this time the reality that his dream of killing someone wasn't a dream, and then John taking over to protect that belief. But it’s John’s behavior and the lyrics that we see while the mindscape turns red again that I want to focus on: “Hey why, / I’m nowhere to be found / So / I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right”

John is taking Mikoto's words and actions as his own. He takes the passive aggressive remark of Mikoto's refusal to forgive and makes it a clear threat and draws the tarot card. He doesn't do it the same way, though, because this time he clearly shows off the tarot card rather than letting us look over his shoulder. John has his eyes closed, upturned to match his smile, and then they open as his expression turns cold. While his eyes are closed, we see the back of the tarot card, and when they open, he turns the card so we can see it. It’s the Fool tarot card, which again, generally signifies new beginnings. We flash to more tarot cards lying on the table before John pulls out the Death (upright) tarot card and then John moves to punch the camera. As many people have already stated, the Death tarot card doesn't mean actual death, and usually signifies a major change has already come, is currently happening, or will come soon. With the Fool and Death tarot cards combined, John is making it clear that his role as Mikoto' protector is now going to become proactive as he plays up the idea that he is the uncontrollable, evil Hyde to Mikoto's even-keeled and good Jekyll.

I'll admit that this theory of mine has its weaknesses. Primarily, it's the stupid blood splatter on Mikoto's face while he is in the physical world. When he strips off his bloodied clothing, there is a blood splatter on his right cheek, but when he buries the victim, the blood splatter is now on his left cheek, not his right. In the shower while he brushes his teeth, the blood splatter is on his left cheek. That pokes a hole in my only one victim theory. There is a chance that since the blood stain on his right cheek is very close to where his jawline and ear meet that the clod of dirt and the angle we see Mikoto at hide it during the burial scene. Just like how there's a chance that John took more care to make sure Mikoto's right side was clean since Mikoto is associated with the right side and John with the left. It is a weak defense. I can admit to that. But I hope I've provided enough evidence to help support my argument. Maybe that right cheek bloodstain is related to the blackmail material.

Why I think that it's John disposing of the evidence... it's like how I said it in the last post; while John is trying to be more proactive by taking the blame for everything to protect Mikoto, John is more reactive and less careful than Mikoto. In John Doe, John literally beats the shit out of Es, someone who holds the fate of Mikoto in the palm of their hand. Most people would not antagonize and threaten someone with that kind of power. John is short-sighted, and until he's restrained and forced to think and plan during Neoplasm, John's pretty terrible at actually helping Mikoto. Yes, we see him bury what we can presume to be the victim, but we don't know what happened to the murder weapon (the baseball bat that should be covered in blood and dents) and the bloody beanie was not stuffed inside the garbage bag before being tossed into the dumpster. The dumpster isn't very tall. Anyone could look in and see the blood-stained beanie. Despite showering to get rid of the blood on him, Mikoto clearly strolls into his apartment covered in blood splatters. Anyone could have seen him. Yes, he technically took care of ridding the blood evidence off himself, but John doesn't seem to have taken any precautions, like maybe turning his clothes inside out to try to hide the bloodstains. Mikoto is someone with a five-year-plan and takes the safer options in life to avoid messing it up. John wings it. And sure, it is very hard to prosecute someone for murder if you don't have a body, but I won't lie, I can easily see John deciding to bury the victim and murder weapon together so he can decrease the amount of time he has to spend at the crime scene. I know that it's not in the garbage bag, because you'd see an oblong object distorting the bag's round shape.

Now, why a dream? Well, the idea of losing his dream job and tanking his career before it even started is probably the scariest nightmare Mikoto could ever have. Denial is his modus operandi. He probably went to the tracks to meet his victim to try and talk things out like two proper adults should. John would have come out swinging as soon as he saw the blond. Mikoto, on the other hand, thinks this is just a mistake that can be talked out. When he sees the blackmail material, he believes it's too ridiculous lie, because how could he, the calm, kind Mikoto take pleasure in hurting someone? This can't be real. It has to be a dream, and in dreams, there are no consequences. And so he loses his temper and strikes. When the red haze of his temper lifts, he realizes what he has done and breaks. John takes over to spare him from this immense pain. He gets rid of any evidence (not well, but still) so Mikoto can wake up in the morning and sincerely believe that all he did was have a bad dream. A nightmare he just can't quite fully shake, if you want to look at the lyrics during the murder: "If I could go back / I'd play dead even though I'm alive right? / If I could end / If I could stop / How long would this dream go on?"

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#mikoto kayano #john kayano #milgram #who-swung-it #i am too proud of that pun #I wanted to add more screenshots #but I can only add 30 pictures or links

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