#I AM ACTUAL POO

[creek-ink]

ah yes, tobias rogers aka-

ticci-toby

the tobster

dicky-toby

the waffle consumer

slut

mr. rogers

my favorite dumbass

bitch

#i wanna kick him in the face and tell him hes pretty >:( #dumb #stupid #stupid dummy poo poo stinky #*kisses him on his little forehead* #(i am actually kidding tho- i love this character w all my heart) #>:))) im lying #anyways #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta fanart #digital art #creepypasta #fanart #my art #ticci toby fanart #ticci toby #i am actually very sick guys.

[queen-mabs-revenge]

i always get so worried that the vet thinks i beat this cat on the reg or smth bc of how violent she is at the office (lol guess who tore a whole chunk out of the exam gloves at her post-op check in today!) meanwhile my phone like *photo of her curled up on my lap* *photo of her on my shoulder on a walk* *audio of her purring so hard it's got a pitch* *video of her making biscuits on my belly* *audio of her snoring* *photo of her licking my hair* *video of her eating her food with her paws*

#she's the SWEETEST BABY IN THE WORLD #but she craves violence #and if she didn't she wouldn't be my soulmate 😌💖 #also at one point the vet thought she was gonna make a poo #but turns out she just was rage farting #which is chemical warfare and i am so proud of her actually?

[vnynv]

#tumblr has become incredibly laggy for me whenever i reach it by browser desktop; which is quite literally the only way i ever reach it. so #it is just unuseable now. but that is okay because it means i draw more. but it is not okay anymore because life has been picking up. so i #just sit and look at my walls #wips of fartout new peg ass: along the other star or whatever the fuck idk what to name it. #also i was thinking of changing my art tag from the emoji art to just vanart. easier. to be reminded for when tumblr stops being so slow an #i start posting again more. i am in the poo pegass trenches rn and also just trying to not have the post clutter the actual game tag haha

[dreamdripdistance]

im going to freaking explode forever and ever

#im in my joker arc im going insane #im not joking im so excited for the next con so i can wear my fp ita bag #have i posted that thang here b4? its my pride and joy actually #but AGH THEY WILL FIND EACHOTHER IN EVERY UNIVERSE. THEYLL PICK EACHOTHER UP WHEN THEY FALL. RELEASING EACHOTHER FROM THEIR PUPPET STRINGS #I'M INSANE #its 2 am im gonna shit my poo ppo good night #words

[icewindandboringhorror]

everyday I miss miitomo .. aaa

#these screenshots are not even good or the most interesting/funny/cool ones from back then #they just so happen to be ones I found in a folder so am thinking about them solely for the memory of it all #WORST thing is I never even had friends (still don't have friends really that have many similar interests to me lol..epic hermit moment) who #played or were willing to do I didn't really use the social aspects much. if there were any?? maybe I'm just making up a better game in my #head lol.. I thought maybe you could visit your friends apartments at some point or something? I know you could have multiple mii characters #and put them in their own apartments too. #I could also be mixing it in my mind with tomodachi life. which is a superior game. but also I think mostly I just loved the dress up and #photo creation aspects of this. That you could spend like 30 minutes putting your little avatar person in different lttle poses with differe #nt backgrounds and import your own custom background and etc. etc. And the community questions & answers section was always ridiculous #WHY is it that all actually good and cool things end up shutting down and nobody cares about them but then some tv shows/games/etc. can keep #going for like 808989598590 years when they are actually very bad and stinky and pointless #I know probably something somehting profit motive. if something sucks but is hyped blindly and sells then that's all that matters. #things that are cool and innocative but have a small audience get poo poo pee pee Not Good Enough For Shareholders whatever #>:( #This is why I don't play apps or online games /anything live service or that is dependent on external things to function #Like every once in a while I do but for the most part if something is not it's own self contained experience then I dont care to even get #invested in the first place because it could just randomly be taken away from you at any time without warning or etc. #Also just charmed by anything that incorporates personality tests into part of the structure of an app even in a minor.comepletely trivial w #ay due to my preexisting obsession with anything in the realm of that topic (enneagram. mbti. etc. even astrology. just any way humans categ #orzie and analyze themselves. NOT because I think they're all scientifically valid methods and swear by them in practuce but like. the theor #y of it. I love personaliy testing from like.. a cultural perspective? like the fact that humans make this stuff up at all. and how they use #it and conceptualize it and apply it to their lives. the different frameworks within which the same traits can be categorized in different w #ays. one person looks at X trait and says its bc theyre a virgo. another explains the same exact trait by saying it's bc theyre an infj. etc #I mean some of them I do find actually personally fun to get into themselves (enneagram mostly) but mostly I just like the.. analysis #tfw you're such an analytical person you like to spend time analyzing analysis. Thinking abt the ways people think about thinking abt things #Actually Ive talked before about how I don't relate to/care about/get emotionally attached to media/dont exhibit Fan Behviors or join fandom #s or etc. BUT that is actually the one vaguely media related thing I WILL do. after watching something I like going to places like that #'personality database' site which is the public voting on character's personality types. and I do enjoy going to read the comments. not bec #ause I care about the character themselves. but I love seeing the paragraph long debates about like.. why Whoever is actually an intp NOT an #intj . or like 'OBVIOUSLY theyre 3w4 so/sp ILI are you FUCKING BLIND??!'. essays breaking down every cognitive function they ehibit and why

[mw-draws]

just testing

#i am testing the tags too bc idk what the actual issue here is #pee pee poo poo #so how are we all today #ive been feeling kinda nervous #no particular reason tbh #just anxious #but thats the way it goes so #wheee #anyways #bye #also i love this game so much

[hola-mi-bebebe]

blanka misread the name of the city and thought, oh yes sign me up!

#not live also poo but perhaps it's because i don't listen to this kind of music #official video also poo but perhaps it's because it's actually poo #blanka is the unofficial entry yes i am aware pt. 2 #eurovision #eurovision 2023 #liverpool 2023 #eurovision 2023 poland #eurovision poland #blanka #esc 2023 #esc 2023 poland #blanka solo #casey

[fakehelper]

wild that an anon really tried to use my inbox to justify someone else being harassed 💀 like sorry bestie you’re just gonna get blocked??? “well they deserve it bc xxx” like??????? no? no one ever deserves to be harassed. block and move on if you don’t want to see someone on your dash or in the tags. what’s sending an anon gonna do about it?? annoy me? lmao

#also when i'm defending someone what makes you think an anon is gonna just change my mind about someone i consider a friend? #wow ur right your argument that includes the actual phrase ''pee pee poo poo'' is so smart so rational i am so compelled #not to mention im not even in the tags #so how did you find ME? #by stalking people in their notes??? weird

[goldlogie]

TMI as fuck in tags.

#i have had all sorts of gastro intestinal issues for months so i actually went to the doctor about it and she wants a stool sample #problem is i go to the same doctor as my work and no matter what i do im gunna have to give that sample (in a baggie) to the receptionists #to give to pathology because they dont let people knock on your door #and so reception at my work will know ive either had to give a piss or poo sample #i dont wanna see a doctor anywhere else because free clinics usually suck and i get proper healthcare for free at work because i work there #but it still comes at the price that receptionists accept all the samples that come in and my coworkers will know #i dont want my coworkers handling my shit in a jar but what am i supposed to do

[newtkive]

shift shenanigans - s1 social media au

note: jus for fun ! may or may not do more parts.

warnings: crude humor, slightly offensive jokes from richie sry

part two

liked by syd_adamu, marcus.brooks11 and 30 others

chefboyardee: my friends! i love my friends! the two on the right more than the left (i’m joking i promise) 😁😁😁😁

see all 8 comments

syd_adamu: brave of you to call him your friend y/n

↳ chefboyardee: boss man carmy save me

↳ syd_adamu: oh.. :///

marcus.brooks11: you did me so dirty, friend.

↳ chefboyardee: love you marcus you look spectacular

↳ marcus.brooks11: don’t start

richietheking: Where am I?

↳ chefboyardee: ya motha

liked by syd_adamu, chefboyardee and 10 others

richietheking: Getting sh$!t done.

see all 8 comments

marcus.brooks11: This is coolllddd.

↳ richietheking: You already know it man.

syd_adamu: this is actually crazy

carmyberzatto: can you show this on instagram? i think you should delete this.

↳ richietheking: Delete your life.

chefboyardee: come down to the beef for a number 6 the occy way 💯 the safest joint on the block 🤑💯we are 🔛🔝

↳ richietheking: Eyyy I know that’s right.

↳ carmyberzatto: please don’t advertise this.

WE HAVE THE BEEF 🥩

[ 8:25 am ]

y/n:

bruh im about to lose it. heads up when you guys get to work.

marcus: that catering order is about to be crazy

DO NOT REPLY: These white boards are stressing me out.

syd: we know, probably giving you ptsd from not finishing high school

DO NOT REPLY: Fuck you I did finish it.

y/n: oh i gotta change ur contact name richie

richie poo: ????? What

y/n: it was ‘DO NOT REPLY’ lols

marcus: valid

syd: real

richie poo: What? Why?! That’s so rude

y/n: cuz you piss me off

and you kept blowing up my phone yesterday

richie poo: You weren’t answering, and we needed help at the cook out.

syd: the one where you poisoned everyone?

richie poo: Fuck off.

y/n: when i’m off work, i’m off work.

marcus: don’t let carmy hear that, y/n

y/n: don’t remind me

syd: he’s trying at least, go easy on him. he really has great ideas

richie poo: You mean you have great ideas in that little notebook

tina: Never trust a broad with a notebook.

syd: hey! i’m just being helpful

y/n: do you guys think my ig post will hurt carmys feelings

marcus: it would make me a little sad if i were him, but i don’t think he cares

y/n: great i’m gonna cry now

syd: i doubt he even saw it y/n it’s fine

richie poo: Check the work chat. Cousin is in a mood.

y/n: oh great

tina: Help us all.

syd: be nice you guys

WORK

[ 9:15 am ]

carmy: Everyone, we have huge catering orders tomorrow to prep for today. Please get here as soon as you can, the earlier you clock in the better. Additionally, please be careful what you post on social media. I don’t want people to get the wrong impression

y/n: yes chef 👨‍🍳

syd: ok sounds good

richie poo: Cool it, Cousin. What’s the issue with the social media

tina: I use FaceBook. That not allowed now??

carmy: Tina, you’re fine. I’m talking about those who post work things on public accounts

marcus: facebook is crazy

richie poo: I can’t go private

y/n: he needs the likes

richie poo: No I’m disabled from doing so. Not sure why

y/n: liar

richie poo: 😑I don’t like you

carmy: Then please don’t post pics of yourself posting up with a gun and an air horn outside of my shop anymore.

marcus: that pic was fire can’t lie

carmy: Well, it’s bad for business.

richie poo: Fine, whatever

y/n: carmy

carmy: What, Y/n?

y/n: is this because of my caption on my post i’m sorry i promise i wasn’t being for real

carmy: I don’t care Y/n.

y/n: is that code for ‘i care a lot and i’m crying in the office right now and that’s why the door is closed’

oh

syd: ? why the oh

y/n: he opened the door and yelled no 🤨 but i think i saw red eyes

carmy: Please get back to work and I’ll comp a meal for you later

y/n: OMG yes chef 😍

richie poo: Inappropriate emojis and you shouldn’t have to incentivize her to work

y/n: shut up acting like HR i’m gonna beat your ass

jealousy is ugly which is why you have that mug on your face

carmy: Stop

y/n: yes chef 👨‍🍳

i heard your giggle tho

richie poo: Again with the schizo episode

syd: you can’t say that richie

richie poo: Oh sorry

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #the bear #the bear imagine #carmy berzatto imagine #x reader #carmen berzatto imagine #sydney adamu #sydney adamu x reader #richie jerimovich #richie jerimovich x reader #the bear reader insert #the bear text au #carmy berzatto text au #crack #fluff #social media au #text au

[ace-sher-bi-john]

While I absolutely love both BBC Sherlock and Sherlock & Co, Sherlock & Co definitely depicts a more healthy relationship between Sherlock and John.

For starters, on BBC Sherlock, Sherlock and John are both co-dependent on each other. John was implied to be suicidal before he met Sherlock. Sherlock relapses without John by his side. Even with Mary to substitute the void in his heart and help him find purpose again, John would never move on from Sherlock. If anything happened to John, it wouldn't end well for anyone, especially Sherlock.

On Sherlock & Co, one of John's only problems after returning home from Ukraine was that he couldn't afford a flat on his own. He seemed to be very excited about life, going on dates, couldn't wait to start his podcast. He was genuinely happy to see Mike.

Sherlock could easily manage on his own without John. He doesn't need to be reminded to eat, he doesn't need an assistant for cases, he doesn't need someone to take care of him. His only problem is that he needs a flatmate.

Although John and Sherlock both need each other to afford rent, they don't need each other for anything else. They want each other's company, they don't need it. They aren't two halves of a whole, they are two wholes coming together. That's how it should be with all healthy relationships, platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, or otherwise.

It also helps a lot that Sherlock isn't a complete jerk on Sherlock & Co. He genuinely treats John and everyone else with a kindness that while I believe BBC Sherlock is capable of it, he rarely showed it. When John's PTSD is triggered, Sherlock asks John if he'd rather sit out that case. He then asks John if he wants to hold hands and discuss his feelings. In part one of the Blue Carbuncle, Sherlock complimented, actually complimented John. That kind of scene just never happened on BBC Sherlock. John was doing his "That was fantastic! You're amazing!" and Sherlock said, "You flatter me, Watson. But you did awesome too! You should have seen the way you did that! It was brilliant!"

John seems like a much more well rounded happy person in general. Just listen to any of his viewer discretion warnings. "Greetings you handsome devil! This episode will contain a bit of the old swearing, a bit of violence, some drug use. Oh and a bit of duck poo!" I hate to make this comparison, due to how much it will sound like an insult. But he acts like the quirky Disney Princess personality that every Disney Princess from the 2010s has and I mean that in the best possible way. It's my favorite thing about him. He's so adorable.

In the Blue Carbuncle, John has a moment similar to ones that you've seen many times before on BBC Sherlock. John has plans that mean he won't be able to help with the case. He is going to Berlin to spend Christmas with his old army friends. It's going to be his first boys' trip in years. But then he gets so sucked into the case that he's almost late for his plane and decides to just stay with Sherlock anyway because the case is just so fascinating he can't leave. On BBC Sherlock, John has abandoned his plans, his job, his girlfriends, for a case because he couldn't stand to be without Sherlock for so long. Also because Sherlock would often crash is dates, ruin his relationships, just so that John could assist him on cases. On Sherlock & Co, Sherlock was happy for John that he was going out with friends, even though it would mean spending the holidays alone. And Sherlock LOVES Christmas, so it's sad to think that he would have to spend it alone.

Where BBC Sherlock would manipulate or guilt John into staying, Sherlock & Co Sherlock let John go and was genuinely fine with going it alone for a week or two, even if it meant being all alone on Christmas.

I love BBC Sherlock, toxic co-dependent relationships and all, and I always will. But Sherlock & Co gives a little something different and I am happy that my boys are happier.

SH: *laughing* What's so funny Watson? JW: *laughing* It's just hearing you say "bell end" SH: Lovely and jubbly

#sherlock & co #bbc sherlock #i genuinely love both #this isn't me complaining #this is just something i love about sherlock & co #as much as i hate co-dependent relationships and how toxic they are #i love bbc sherlock's johnlock portrayed as one in fanfics #but sherlock & co's johnlock is already so healthy and non-toxic #i love it almost a little bit more #sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock

[krisdreaming]

Okay, I have exactly two thoughts:

1: telling kuroo you're pregnant by getting a tiny replica of his nekoma jersey as a onesie with his number and "Daddy Little Captain" or something similar on it

and

2. you and kuroo coming home with your newborn and him being a total helicopter parent

OKAY LOOK, you can't just do this to me! Helicopter parent!Kuroo is something I never considered before and it's suddenly all that I can think about. Don't get me wrong the lil jersey thing is cute as heck and already half-written in my head, but #2 is just begging to be written :') Tysm for sending, ily!!! ❤️ (Also I'm totally open to writing more helicopter parent!Kuroo for different stages of the daughter's life)

Kuroo Tetsuro x f!reader, allusion to breastfeeding

WC: 612

"Are you sure it's all strapped in correctly?" Tetsurou frowns over the car seat that holds your sleeping daughter, and you reach across and rest your hand on top of his.

"It is. You triple-checked it before we even left for the hospital." You're trying to be patient, but all you want right now is to be back home. "And I'll be back here with her. it'll be fine," You assure him, and with one final tug on the seat belt, he finally nods and closes the door, walking around to the driver's seat.

The drive home is relatively short, no more than 15 minutes, but soon after you leave the hospital she starts to fuss. You catch his gaze dart to the rearview mirror, and you reach over to rest your hand gently on her tummy. "It's okay," You croon softly, and you aren't sure if you're speaking more to your daughter or to your husband. "We'll be home soon." At your touch and the soothing sound of your voice, she eventually does settle back into sleep, and you can hear his exhalation of relief.

Finally home, you ease yourself out of the car while Tetsurou unhooks her car seat, carefully carrying it into the house. He unbuckles her and gingerly lifts her from the seat, cradling her gently in his arms. Sinking into the couch, he looks down at her with the softest smile on his face. You curl in next to him, resting your cheek on his shoulder and peering down at her yourself.

"She's so perfect," He murmurs, "So tiny." She lifts a fist and scrubs at her eye for a few moments before letting out a deep baby sigh and snuggling in closer against her father. The sound he releases is something between a squeak and a whimper, and you can't help but let out a soft chuckle.

"I don't think I'm ever going to put her down," He finally whispers, leaning his cheek against the top of your head.

"Not even if she poos?" You whisper back, mirth in your voice, and he actually hums in thought for a few moments.

"Maybe then," He finally allows, leaning down to press a delicate kiss to her forehead before pressing a matching one to your temple. "How old do you think she should be before we let her date?" He asks suddenly, and you can't help the bark of laughter that bursts out.

"Tetsu, she was born yesterday," You remind him. She begins to stir at the disturbance, squirming in his arms and whimpering the beginnings of a cry.

"Look, you upset her," He scolds you lightly, completely ignoring your statement. "Did mean old Mommy wake you up?" He coos down at her.

"Payback for all of that 2 am kicking," You say drily, reaching out and running a fingertip down her soft cheek. "How's it feel, sweetheart?" You ask her softly. She only cries louder at that.

"Now you're just making it worse," He leans away from you, "Don't worry. Daddy will take you far, far away from the nasty lady." He gets to his feet, bouncing her gently.

"I don't know if that's a great idea," You warn, shifting to a more comfortable position on the couch. "It's time to feed her again, and I'm not sure how successful you'll be on that front."

"Oh, alright," He sighs, handing her over reluctantly. "Just because she's hungry." Despite his theatrics, a smile breaks across his face at the sight of her in your arms. He leans in to press a tender kiss to your lips. "I love you so much," He murmurs against them. "Both of you."

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff #kuroo tetsurou

[marnerparty]

go blue pt. 2

Part 2 by popular demand!

Luke Hughes x McCarthy!reader

*for those who do not know, JJ McCarthy is the quarterback for Michigan’s football team, so yn will be his sister!

part 1 here!

ynssecretaccount

Liked by edwards.73, yourbestfriend and 101 others

ynssecretaccount last Friday night …

View all 36 comments

rutgermcgroarty didn’t we talk about this partying thing???

ynssecretaccount what about it?

rutgermcgroarty about what happened last time …

ynssecretaccount ????

lhughes_06 oh god she doesn’t remember

ynssecretaccount REMEMBER WHAT!?

lhughes_06 you adopted a penguin in Antarctica

ynssecretaccount WHEN!?

lhughes_06 literally 5 days ago 😐

biznasty I knew I shouldn’t have supplied the pink Whitney 🤦🏼‍♀️

ynssecretaccount true this is all your fault

trevorzegras why is he on this account?

biznasty shut up

ynssecretaccount he’s my friend

trevorzegras he’s like 40

ynssecretaccount age is just a number

jackhughes look at Lukey holding your hair back

ynssecretaccount he’s cute like that

markestapa he held my hair back once too 🥰

ynssecretaccount once? try 17 times bud

ynmccarthy

Liked jjmccarthy, trevorzegras and 31,667 others

ynmccarthy wondering how he puts up w/ my shenanigans

View all 202 comments

yns#1fan how’s your penguin

lhughes_06 😧

rutgermcgroarty 😧

ynmccarthy how the fuck do you know about that

yns#1fan 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

ynmcccarthy is this one of the guys?

markestapa this is weird

jjmccarthy I think your priv has an op

lhughes_06 bc I love you 🙃

_quinnhughes meaning he’s whipped

ynmccarthy he better be

luca.fantilli i think you mean wondering how his friends put up with your shenanigans

ynmccarthy you’re one to talk mr. “lets skinny dip” and get us kicked out of the hotel

adamfantilli that was def a shenanigan

luca.fantilli whose side are you on!?

adamfantilli yns always

rutgermcgroarty come home the kids miss you

jackhughes is it yn and rutger or yn and Luke? I never know

lhughes_06 fuck you

ynmccarthy GUYS! this is the main!! behave yourselves

elblue6 why were you guys laying on dog beds …?

ynmccarthy I have a great explanation for that mama Hughes

jackhughes oh boy

_quinnhughes this’ll be good

elblue6 and that would be ..?

edwards.73 your son has that dog in him 🐶

ynmccarthy my words exactly

elblue6 he has a dog in him?

jackhughes gen Z expression, ma. you wouldn’t get it

jjmccarthy adorable. and you’re okay too

ynmccarthy do you have a crush on my boyfriend?

lhughes_06 it’s more than a crush babe

jjmccarthy we’ve decided that I’m going to marry Luke and you can have Quinn

jackhughes why am I left out?

lhughes_06 nobody wants a playboy

user1 oh to be yn mccarthy

jjmccarthy trust me, you’re better off living your own life

mackie.samo little Lukey is a man now

ynssecretaccount

Liked by luca.fantilli, rutgermcgroarty and 112 other

ynssecretaccount Mrs. Hughes wasn’t very happy about the decisions that were made last Friday night … hence the reason Lukey poo is grounded & the reason I am breaking all of my morals to sneak in and see my boyfriend #sorrynotsorry

View all 39 comments

jjmccarthy wow regretting decisions?

ynssecretaccount happens every once in awhile

lhughes_06 Mrs. Hughes???

ynssecretaccount I don’t deserve to call her Ellen anymore 😔

jackhughes wow she actually may be upset

ynssecretaccount I am! Ellen hates me! she thinks I’m an underage drunk

_quinnhughes actually, I told her you didn’t drink at all and she believes me

ynssecretaccount you covered for me?? why would you do that??

_quinnhughes you’re my sister now, it’s what an older brother does

ynssecretaccount 🥹🥺😮🤧

rutgermcgroarty I’m crying

jamie.drysdale hi yn

ynssecretaccount hey Jame!

jamie.drysdale how are you?

ynssecretaccount I’m good Jamie. why are we having a conversation in Instagram comments?

jamie.drysdale I’m sick and Trevor can’t take care of me

trevorzegras bc you’re absolutely disgusting

ynssecretaccount Trevor seriously?

jamie.drysdale will you please come here

ynssecretaccount Jamie… I’m in Michigan

jamie.drysdale I’ll buy you a plane ticket.

jamie.drysdale please

colecaufield no it’s okay, I didn’t want photo creds or anything

trevorzegras you were in on this? how dare you do that to Ellen?

ynssecretaccount you’re one to talk

trevorzegras what did I do!?

lhughes_06 where’s the golf cart Trevor?

trevorzegras 😐

jackhughes where is the golf cart trevor??????

trevorzegras oh … you know … in the bottom of the lake

_quinnhughes oh fucking hell

ynmccarthy

Liked by elblue6, colecaufield, and 41,661 others

ynmccarthy quick trip to Anaheim for my favorite Ducks! 🫶🏻

tagged jamie.drysdale and trevorzegras

View all 221 comments

jamie.drysdale why would you do this to me

jamie.drysdale but also everybody needs a little yn time

lhughes_06 you know who would like a little yn time? 😐

jamie.drysdale like you’re not together 24/7

ynmccarthy lukeeee you’re jealousy is showing!

jackhughes this is why I love you

nicohischier why are you in a headlock

ynmccarthy Jamie was feeling better so we went out … big mistake

yns#1fan hope Jamie’s feeling better!

ynmccarthy WHO ARE YOU!?

mackie.samo this is seriously creepy you guys

_quinnhughes someone break out their FBI skills

biznasty these guys were worth a week long trip?

ynmccarthy why do you hate them?

biznasty did I say that?

ynmccarthy you implied it

biznasty keep arguing with me and see how it goes for you

ynmccarthy you wanna go old man?

biznasty what’re you gonna do yn?

trevorzegras ooooh

lhughes_06 bad move

jjmccarthy good luck bud

biznasty ???

ynmccarthy I’m not gonna say sleep with one eye open … but … 👀

user1 jealous of her life

jjmccarthy puck bunny

ynmccarthy take that back right now

_quinnhughes hey, as honorary older brother that was really mean

adamfantilli what a mom

ynmccarthy like you don’t love me

luca.fantilli caught

trevorzegras thanks a lot for the help. I really needed it. Jamie is exhausting

jamie.drysdale I’M exhausting!? you didn’t do a single thing for me!

trevorzegras are you kidding me right now

ynmccarthy boys, seriously? the second I leave you start to argue

luca.fantilli you really are a mom

ynmccarthy yeah, to freaking 5 year olds

lhughes_06 are you gonna be home soon

ynmccarthy I’m on the way home right now babe

jackhughes your home or our home?

ynmccarthy Luke are you freaking kidding me!?

jackhughes 🤨

lhughes_06 I didn’t tell anyone yet! I thought we were waiting????

ynmccarthy does your mother know??

lhughes_06 no …

elblue6 I feel like I need to get involved now

jackhughes you guys, what is going on

lhughes_06 long story short we bought a house together and are currently in the process of moving in

ynmccarthy so when I tell my family I’m at your house, I’m really at ours. and vice versa for Luke

jjmccarthy WHAT!?

elblue6 are you serious?? why wouldn’t you guys say anything, this is amazing you two!

ynmccarthy oh thank God

mackie.samo these comments are getting really personal. great content for a fan page

ynmccarthy … what do you know?

mackie.samo 🤷🏼‍♀️

lhughes_06

Liked by rutgermcgroarty, jjmccarthy and 57,910 others

lhughes_06 5.1.23: the day I manned up & made sure I could have you forever :)

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ynmccarthy I’m so ready to be your wife ❤️‍🔥

lhughes_06 last name upgrade 😎

jjmccarthy watch it

jackhughes Lukey boy!! congrats you guys 🫶🏻

ynmccarthy love you Jack!

_quinnhughes officially time to get me a sister

user1 Quinn’s older brother role for yn 🥹

elblue6 the daughter I never got but always needed 🩷

ynmccarthy I love you Ellen

colecaufield Luke getting married first!? no one had it on their bingo card

ynmccarthy you can imagine my shock then

lhughes_06 you are jumping for fucking joy

ynmccarthy well yeah, I still love you! just shocked in the best way :)

colecaufield you can go now 🤢

user1 she is so happy

umichhockey congrats to future Mr. & Mrs. Hughes!

Liked by lhughes_06

jjmccarthy awww lil sis! I couldn’t be happier :)

ynmccarthy I love you jj :)

biznasty I thought you were with that Zegras kid

ynmccarthy no you didn’t

biznasty yeah I know, I just like to start shit. serious congrats to the both of you!

ynmccarthy Paul, are you feeling okay? you just said something nice..

biznasty I’ll take it back you little shit

yourbestfriend you better treat her right Hughes

lhughes_06 🫡

yourbestfriend congrats my yn!!

ynmccarthy I love you!!

njdevils pop the champagne! congrats to the future Hughes’!

yns#1fan congratulations! I bet it was amazing to have your little brothers there too

lhughes_06 I only told 3 people that they would be there. so which one of you is it

rutgermgroarty not me

adamfantilli not me

mackie.samo not me

ynmccarthy why do you do this

jamie.drysdale you got yourself a good one! be nice to her or else. and also congrats :)

lhughes_06 🫶🏻

jjmccarthy also luke, what does this mean for us? how could you do this!?

lhughes_06 I know and I’m sorry. it was really difficult, you have to understand

jjmccarthy we could’ve been a Michigan power couple

lhughes_06 yn doesn’t have to know …

ynmccarthy right here guys

jjmccarthy go away for a minute

trevorzegras baby Hughes so longer a baby! congrats yn and Luke!!

lhughes_06 thank you Z!

ynmccarthy love you Trev 🫶🏻

ynmccarthy

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ynmccarthy meet beau :)

Comments on this post have been limited

nhl the cutest new addition to the Hughes fam!

Liked by ynmccarthy

trevorzegras you finally got your Doberman!

ynmccarthy it took a lot of convincing

lhughes_06 when have I ever said no to you?

jackhughes literally never she’s so dramatic

_quinnhughes she’s not responding because she knows we’re right

ynmccarthy no comment

jjmccarthy not what I had in mind when I said I wanted a nephew

ynmccarthy it’s the best I could do for right now

lhughes_06 are kids in the near future??

ynmccarthy do you think they are??

lhughes_06 I think this is a conversation to have not in Instagram comments

user1 who’s cuter, Beau or Luke?

mackie.samo beau

rutgermcgroarty beau

jackhughes beau

ynmccarthy beau

lhughes_06 wow thank you guys so much

adamfantilli will you guys just get married already ?

ynmccarthy who says we aren’t …

adamfantilli don’t even joke

_quinnhughes ????? you guys JUST got engaged

lhughes_06 we like to move fast

jackhughes did you fucking get eloped

ynmccarthy 🤷🏼‍♀️

biznasty kids these days, buying puppies together, trying to get married quick. just slow down. Luke will still be there in the morning

ynmccarthy wow, that’s actually amazing advice

biznasty well, I wanted to end it with “he’s still gonna be there because nobody else wanted him” but I decided against it

ynmccarthy wouldn’t be a Paul Bissonnette quote without a smart ass comment

biznasty says you

ynmccarthy 🖕🏻

#nhl #hockey #hockey imagine #instagram edit #instagram imagine #luke hughes #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes imagine #michigan hockey

[iamnmbr3]

i am once again thinking about how insane the way that house elves are handled in HP is. like. even with all of JKR’s problematic attitudes you’d think she would have a grip on the whole “slavery = bad” thing. Right? Like. That’s not a lot to ask. That should just be the baseline. But apparently not. 

It would already could be problematic if the story had slavery but portrayed it as a positive thing where all the slave characters are happy. But she didn’t even go with that. Every named house elf character we meet is mistreated. The institution of slavery clearly is not a positive thing for them. AND YET. Despite that the message is that the characters who roll their eyes about abolishing slavery are in the right. The line “they like being enslaved” is spoken not by a villain but by a hero character who at no point revises his views. And we the readers are supposed to agree with him. And we’re supposed to agree that the one (1) character who expresses an interest in abolition is being overdramatic. 

It’s especially weird because in book 2 when Dobby is introduced Harry actually IS horrified by his enslavement. And he helps free him from his enslavers - who are villain coded characters. BUT THEN when house elves come back into the story Harry’s attitudes are suddenly retconned. He’s no longer horrified. He goes along with Ron poo-pooing Hermione’s campaign against house elf enslavement. Yes, Sirius is portrayed as being in the wrong for mistreating Kreacher, but it’s treated as a character flaw  rather than something absolutely unacceptable. Certainly no characters step in and try to free Kreacher or protect him from Sirius. And the story ends with no indication that house elf slavery is going to end. Like JKR really went “whoops. I had my protag be against slavery in the earlier books. better fix that lol”. 

And just. Why??? What would possess someone to write institutionalized slavery into their universe, portray it as an abusive system that harms its victims, but then have the message be “it’s fine actually and abolition is cringe”????????? I mean. Wut? This isn’t even supposed to be a gritty story with morally questionable protagonists. Yes there are some complex characters but it’s more or less good guys vs bad guys. And yet. The good guys get retconned to be pro slavery. And never change their minds.

And it’s treated as a JOKE. It’s such a bizarre concept. What was she thinking?! It was just:

#house elves #JKR #Harry Potter #my post

[tkingfisher]

Following the monk seals snorting eels post, I’d said that it wouldn’t be the tenth weirdest thing I’d heard about mammals. And then someone in the tags asked what the ten weirdest WOULD be.

Okay, I’ll confess there was some hyperbole there, because I didn’t have ten off the top of my head, but here’s three that strike me as A Thing:

CW: Animal injury and death! Also it’s disgusting! Read at own risk!

We all mostly know about hyena genitals by now, which is pretty wild in and of itself, but it gets weirder. Given that they have to give birth through the pseudo-penis, you’d think they’d be better at it, but the umbilical cord isn’t as long as the lady hyena’s junk, AND there’s a weird elbow turn, so cubs often suffocate on the way out. This may explain why they’re born so goddamn angry that siblings have been observed fighting *while still inside the amniotic sac.*

(I once peed while surrounded by hyenas. The African bush is not an easy place for a woman with a small bladder.)

(That’s not a weird mammal fact, except insomuch as I am a weird mammal.)

Lemurs will take giant millipedes, nip them to make them secrete toxins, then rub the millipede on their fur as insect repellent. But the millipede toxins also make them High As Fuck and cause them to salivate, so you end up with a bunch of stoned, drooling lemurs passing around a millipede that probably had other stuff to do today, dammit.

Ambergris is a weird waxy mass that stinks like the devil eating sardines in hell, and so of course is used in perfume. (It mellows.) For centuries nobody actually knew where it came from, just that it would sometimes wash up on shore. Eventually it was discovered in the guts of sperm whales and some clever soul figured out that it involved the indigestible bits of squid, like beaks. “Aha!” said humanity, “it must be whale vomit!”

Humanity, alas, was unduly optimistic. See, the whales regurgitate most of the squid beaks normally—they’ve got four stomachs, like a ruminant, and since they can’t chew, the first stomach is super tough and muscular to crush their food and to resist the assault of the squid, which is often still alive at this point—and so if they barfed up the beaks, there would be no ambergris. But sometimes they swallow the beaks instead and it lodges in the softer bits of the whale intestines. And then more beaks get hung up on it and more and basically it’s like a whale bezoar, and since this is of course moderately painful, the body secrete a mucusy goo to cover the sharp edges so it doesn’t poke the soft bits, the way an oyster coats sand to make a pearl.

Except, of course, it’s a whale intestine, not an oyster, and instead of a grain of sand, it’s like the world’s most disgusting Katamari. (Okay, technically it’s called a coprolith, aka “shit rock” but it’s just sitting there hooking any indigestible bits that get hung up on it, as well as a bunch of whale poop, and getting bigger and bigger, so I stand by my simile, dammit.)

Now, if you get a whale who keeps swallowing their beaks, over time, the coprolith gets so big that it creates an intestinal blockage. And at that point, one of two things happens. Either the sheer force of liquid whale poo trying to come out dislodges the coprolith and the whale takes the sort of crap that songs are written about…

…or the whale’s gut explodes. (Well, ruptures.) And the whale expires, bloats, pops, goes through the process of whale fall (which is amazing in and of itself) and the ambergris floats to the surface and marinates in seawater for a decade or so, casts up on a beach, and gets sold for a whopping $10k a pound.

Interestingly enough, making ambergris is a very rare condition, found in less than 5% of male sperm whales. (It only happens in males. Don’t ask me why.) Hunting sperm whales for ambergris would be ludicrously inefficient, and it’s classed as a “found” object under international treaties, which means that you can sell it if you find it cast up on a beach, unless you’re in the US, which classes it as a by-product of an endangered species, although enforcement is usually a little more concerned with the people smuggling live parrots in their socks and not with your disgusting lump of found whale poop.

So, yeah. Mammals. We’re a thing.

#someday all this knowledge will come in handy #the aliens will threaten to destroy the earth unless someone has horrible animal facts #on that day I will be ready

[mlm-writer]

For Kinktober’s Sake (Wade Wilson x M!Reader)

Pairing: Omega!Wade Wilson aka Deadpool x Alpha!Male Reader Rating: Explicit Words: 1545 POV: Second Summary: Since the mutations, Wade cannot go into heat anymore, but that will not stop him from getting rawed by his alpha boyfriend in a rut. Note: For the prompt ‘knotting’.  See my kinktober 2022 masterlist here. Tags: omegaverse, 4th wall breaking, established relationship, if omegas get hot then alphas should get cold I actually do make the rules around here, breeding kink, buttplug, dirty talk, consent and no mention of mpreg

The coffee pot was empty and equally empty mugs sat in the sink. With the late morning sun teasing the tips of your toes, you laid spread out on the sofa, eyes trained on the anime you decided to binge today. It was just any other lazy Sunday, when you felt something change in your body. It was so subtle, at first you thought the eggs you had for breakfast had gone bad. Then, Wade passed behind you and stopped dead in his tracks. “You’re going into a rut,” he stated as a matter of fact. 

“Huh?” You replied very intelligently, as you ripped your thoughts from the storyline. You then realised you were  a little colder than usual and something was itching underneath your skin. “Oh… yeah. I should make arrangements before it hits full force tomorrow. I didn’t know you could still smell ruts.” You paused your anime and sat up to text your boss that you were not going to come in next week.  

“Oh I didn’t say? My nose is fine, it is just my own hormones that got fucked over by all these mutations.”

“Your hormones and your face,” you quipped back, smirking without taking your eyes off your phone. 

“Wow, low blow,” Wade replied, while leaping over the back of the sofa, so he could sit next to you. “So… I know I can’t go into heat anymore, but if I buy a big bottle o’ lube and stretch a lot, will you let me spend your rut with you?” He wrapped his arms around one of yours and pressed his cheek against your bicep. 

You put your phone down and looked at him. “I don’t know, Wade… I can get a little uh… not myself, you know?” You avoided using something like ‘aggressive’ or ‘animalistic’; it would have only turned Wade on and encouraged him. 

Wade let out an annoyed grunt and let go of you. “Please, spare me the cliché shit!” He exclaimed, before putting on a mocking tone. “I don’t wanna hurt you! I am dangerous!” You sighed when Wade climbed into your lap. He did not smell like an omega, but in your pre-rut, the neutral smell was quite welcoming. You wondered if he never had that distinct smell or if he had the mutations to thank for that. “Please, I promise I will be a good boy. Besides, you could tear my whole body in two and I’d still survive. Did I tell you I was just a head once?”

You put your hands on his hips to stop him from grinding into you like a horny little pup. “Babe, I know you’re a glutton for pain, but I am more concerned about you seeing me differently once you have seen me in my rut.” 

You stared your boyfriend down, letting him know that you were serious about this. His expression softened, indicating he was done with joking around for a second or two. “Don’t worry pookie poo. I’m so in love, you can have so many red flags that you could start a business and I will still love you.” 

That was as serious as Wade could get. He started rubbing himself all over you as if he could scent you. “Come on, give in already so we can get to the timeskip and the people get the filthy smut they came here for. It is kinktober, you know?” Wade whined into your neck. 

“Wade… It is September.” 

—

The texture of the thick blanket on top of you was awful, but you were so, so cold. A hunger sat deep within your gut, but it was not time to address it yet. When nuzzling Wade earlier brought you no relief, you had the suspicion that your body might never be satisfied without the omega hormones, so Wade was out making a last minute run. The anticipation of his return only made you feel worse. You wanted him and you wanted him right now.

You shivered and pressed your nose in the blanket. It smelled like Wade, but didn’t calm the rut itching underneath your skin. Your situation was nothing but torture. You smelled Wade coming into the apartment and tossed the blankets towards the other side of the room. You all but ran to the door, having to duck out of the way when your boyfriend opened it. “Oh he…” 

You did not let him finish his greeting. The delectable scent of omega was on his skin and you needed to inhale it. You slammed the door closed and pushed Wade against it. Your ice cold body found relief in Wade’s body heat and the omega hormones he had generously dabbed on his neck. “You’re fucking cold,” Wade complained. If he was an omega in heat, he would have loved your icy skin. 

“Shut up, I need to fucking breed you,” you growled against his skin. You knew your boyfriend was having the time of his life, when you roughly pushed him onto the bed. You took your hoodie and sweatpants off, cock already hard as a rock. Wade matched your urgency and undressed as quickly as he could, before grabbing one of the many huge bottles of lube you bought. 

You put him on hands and knees and put your face between his asscheeks, grabbing the buttplug he had worn while making his errand run with your teeth. “I can’t believe you wore this to the pharmacy,” you groaned, after you tossed the buttplug in the direction of the blankets. When you plunged your fingers inside him, Wade moaned wantonly. His voice entranced you, as you fingered him further open, adding a generous amount of lube on his already slicked up hole. “I can’t wait, babe, I need to fuck you.” 

“Then do it.” Wade said it so casually, but his words were like gasoline on a fire. You rubbed your thick cock over his hole, getting it slick as well. The first thrust inside Wade’s tight hole was so much stimulation all at once, it took everything to hold back from pushing in further and knotting him right off the bat. “Fuck yeah, that’s it. Come on, fuck me like an animal, alpha,” your slutty boyfriend groaned out. 

It was the final push that set the ball rolling off a very steep hill. You wanted to take it slow at first, but the hormones clouded your mind. You put an arm around Wade and pulled his body up so his back was pressed against your chest, while you fucked him deep. His skin got hot so quickly and the heat was an amazing relief to the chill that the rut put you in. There was nothing on your mind, but driving your hard cock deep inside Wade. Your knot pushed at his entrance, but did not yet breach it. 

“Fuck yes, use me. I’m your omega toy,” Wade screamed into the room, his eyes rolled back and his mouth hanging open a little. You needed him. You started thrusting harder, trying to get the knot inside him and pump him full of your seed. “Ah! Fuck! More lube! Ow, more lube!” You groaned in frustration as you needed to let go of Wade to fulfil his request. Wade fell face down onto the bed. You could see him breathing violently, while you grabbed the lube and nearly emptied it over your knot. You pushed Wade down further, until he was lying prone bone on the bed. 

“Lie still, my omega. I’m going to breed you full. You will take my knot.” Wade whimpered under your voice. He was keening, while you pushed your cock inside him up to the knot. You pushed harder and harder, while the sounds coming from your boyfriend indicated he was in the grey area between pleasure and pain. 

“Oh my god, yes!” Wade screamed when your knot popped it. You immediately rutted into him, moving your knot inside him as much as you could. Wade was howling, already coming from the friction with the mattress. You were not done though. “Come on, breed me!” Wade demanded, his face cycling through five different expressions, all of them showing you he was hungry for your load inside him. “The writer doesn’t have forever! Do you have any idea how hard it is to write 31 sex scenes without getting repetitive as fuck?” You had no idea what he was talking about, but something deep inside you told you he was right. However, writing 31 sex scenes without getting repetitive was not the only hard thing right now. 

You pushed as deep as you could inside of your omega. His walls contracted around you and his delectable heat sent you over the edge. You cursed as you bent your body over his. Your entire body shook with the relief of scratching the itch your rut created. You rolled to the side, bringing Wade with you, forced to be the little spoon, while your knot kept you tied together. You let out a sigh, snuggling into his body heat. “Rest, Wade. I’m not done with you.” 

Wade chuckled and patted the arm you had around his waist. “I know, sweetcheeks, but, for the sake of kinktober, the writer definitely is.”

#wade wilson #deadpool #wade wilson x reader #wade wilson x male reader #deadpool x reader #deadpool x male reader #male reader #kinktober #kinktober 2022 #marvel #marvel x you #marvel x reader #marvel x male reader #Marvel x Y/N #ryan reynolds