#Especially since our fight last week I truly expected to see like. Just. The worst day today. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

watevermelon · 3 years

Text

Same Old Love | Kaeya (Genshin) x Traveler!Reader

✧ Summary: Kaeya was mysterious in every way that made you wary. From the gleam in his eye to how easy it was for him to flirt, it made you wonder how much he was presenting was truly real. Not wanting to get sucked in, you swore not to fall for the Cavalry Captain. At least, that was the plan, right? ➳ Notes: Angst with a happy ending ➳ A/N: Thank you so much for the ask!! This was fun to write ((I feel like I write so much angsty/jealousy fics haha)) I’m just getting into genshin and so please feel free to send in requests for these cuties <3 @breathings-of-the-heart

Navigation

—xXxXxXxXxXx—

You had some worries about Kaeya, dubbed “The Handsome Mr. Kaeya” by Paimon.

There was no doubt that he was attractive, his ever present smirk and exposed chest was enough to signify to anyone that even Kaeya was well aware of his looks. But he tended to wield his words like a double edged sword - using his words for an express purpose.

It was admirable, in a way. He was the loyal Cavalry Captain who looked out for Mondstadt’s best interest. And while he had misled you on this pirate treasure adventure, there was no harm really done. In fact, from the way he prattled about haircuts and eyepatches inherited from his parents, you were already sure that it was simply a tale being spun for Paimon to latch onto.

At the end of the day, Kaeya still compensated you for your time and provided you with a higher-level weapon. The criminals were caught and the Knights were credited for another arrest of an infamous Treasure Hunter. It was a win-win situation that you very quickly put behind you as another job done.

The entire quest had not really bothered you - it was not like you had not withheld anything either. You ran from clue to clue without updating Kaeya on your progress, with the express intent of snagging some of this treasure yourself.

It was a really smart move on his part and, for whatever reason, it had the inverse effect on you - it made you want to get closer to Kaeya.

Paimon grumbled for all of a day before she prattled onto something new, complaining about the returning ruin guard by the temple or the way Venti sassed her. But you often found yourself hanging around Good Hunter or Angel’s Share, wondering if you would be able to run into him again.

It was no surprise that Kaeya was always busy, Jean had mentioned before that Kaeya was the one who often wrapped up every physical incident that occurred in both the city and outer plains of Mondstadt.

And so it was easy to lose track of him, the image of Kaeya still present in your mind, just pushed back in the further recess as you continued in your struggle to find clues about your brother. When whispers on the street spoke of a Dark Knight hero, you were pleasantly surprised to see Diluc patrolling the streets from the shadows.

The last thing you had expected was to team-up with the very man who ran opposite to the Knights, but you learned how oddly sweet Diluc was in that short amount of time. His double life of fighting off the abyss army single-handedly to running the largest Winery on the continent - Diluc’s workload was no easy feat.

You were just out of the clear, Huffman gone to deal with the slimes when a resounding clap started from the dining area of the bar. Kaeya stood and approached you both, you turned to Diluc and he had the flattest, most unimpressed expression on.

You stood mostly silent in that conversation, Diluc with his arms and chin held high. Kaeya had reassured him that the secret was best kept that way, eyes glinting mischievously as they went from the winery owner to you.

You only stared right back, as if Kaeya’s face would give off exactly what he was looking for. Instead, he simply smiled at the both of you and left when Diluc said he was closing the bar. Diluc thanked you for your assistance, reassuring you that in case you need help, he was a willing hand.

When you walked out the bar then, Kaeya was still right outside, chatting casually with some of the late bar-goers that sat at the picnic table. Just as he made eye-contact with you, he bid himself goodbye from the group and fell into step with you.

“Paimon doesn’t trust blue-haired, eye-patched men anymore.” She started next to you.

“That’s good I’m a blue-haired, eye-patched handsome young man.” Kaeya shot back, to which she rolled her eyes. He then turned to you with the same open smirk as usual, “And here I was thinking I could make you my assistant.”

Was he flirting with you?

It took you a second to question this internally before Paimon scoffed, “Ugh, I’m going ahead to the inn. I don’t think I can stand watching you make kissy-faces at each other after the day we had.”

You waved a hand in her direction to smack her, but she was already flying away up and out of reach.

Turning back to the Captain, you were surprised to see that Kaeya was still looking at you, not even toward Paimon as she fled into the night.

Remembering his last statement, you shot back, “Think you could handle me?”

“Confidence, it looks very good on you.” Kaeya replied as his smile widened. He took a single step closer, lowering his voice next to your ear and continuing. “But the real question is if you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?”

You stood your ground, ignoring the shiver that ran up your spine, “I always like to try new things.”

“I look forward to it.” Kaeya straightened, lightly grabbing your hand in one of his own and raising it to his lips. “Until then, traveler.”

To think that such a simple action, hardly anything scandalous, had lingered on your skin the entire night. You remembered the way his lips felt against your hand, how striking his blue eyes bore into your own. Kaeya was extremely dangerous, able to catch your attention and keep it for hours on end.

The next day you had a commission about dismantling a rising Hilichurl camp, a perfect distraction away from the eye-patched hunk that kept plaguing your thoughts. The last thing you expected was for Kaeya to see you.

“Looks like our honorary knight continues their do-good streak.”

“It’s the least I can do.” You replied back, a sassy hand on your waist.

“Why don’t I accompany you?”

You wanted to scream.

Paimon actually did groan before stating she was going to stay in the city.

And suddenly, your distraction was running exactly opposite to your intention. With Kaeya joining your party, the Cavalry Captain was making himself decidedly known you.

He led you around a cliff, showing you a higher area where you could survey the camp before bursting in guns blazing. There were six Hilichurls, some slimes scattered about and two towers already set-up in this enemy campsite.

You decided to stick together, coming in from the high ground and slamming your weapon into the ground at unsuspecting enemies. It felt nice to fight alongside someone again, oftentimes you were alone in your adventures. Paimon would yell words of encouragement, but never would she actually lift a finger to fight. But Kaeya was reliable, freezing enemies into place and shattering them where they stood.

Taking down some of the outer-rim electro Hilichurls equipped with bows, you were nearly finished with clearing the entire camp. You grabbed the pyro slimes and exploded them near the towers, taking down the camp with them. With the camp almost completely disassembled, you heard the tell-tale electronic power-up that only signified one enemy.

A ruin guard.

Hunched over, you watched as multiple missiles took aim on the nearby unsuspecting Cavalry Captain. Running the best you could, you threw decorum out the window as you all but tackled the poor man out of harm's way.

Rolling a few times, there was no surprised yelp from the man beneath you. He simply allowed you to take the wheel until you came to a stop, hovering over his body. Kaeya was undoubtedly taller than you, but you were face-to-face as he smirked beneath you.

“Wow, not that I’m against this.” Kaeya started, a quip ready. “But ask me out to dinner first.”

You flushed and stood up immediately, “I was saving you!”

“I’ll let you save me any day of the week.” Kaeya replied, earning a half-assed scowl on your behalf. He only laughed at you, calling your attempted look of intimidation only served to make a cute pout instead.

You huffed and considered leaving him with the ruin guard.

From then on there was no doubt about it - Kaeya was flirting with you.

And you were openly flirting back, if of course he decided a less obnoxious moment. In between commissions and nights at Angel’s Share, Kaeya flirtations were growing more and more brazen. It was one thing to kiss the top of your hand in greeting and another entirely for Kaeya to throw his hand across your hair, leaning in to openly bury his nose in your hair.

Diluc called you both disgusting.

Tonight, you entered Cat Tail’s semi-inconspicuously to get a drink. Paimon had long caught onto your game, saying that she surprisingly approved of Kaeya, since after all he was still a good guy in some ways.

But, she still was not exactly a fan of you too making “kissy-faces” at each other, her words. And so tonight you were flying solo, Paimon opting to annoy Amber instead tonight as they tracked down some abyss mage or other.

You tried your best to hang around the bar, looking around the tavern to see if the object of your desire was anywhere around. You meandered for a few minutes, saying greetings to other bargoers that had recognized you, before approaching the bartender if Kaeya has been around

The bartender recognized you immediately. It was hard not to place one of the few new people in Mondstadt, especially one that was crushing much of the country's enemies. Diona had mentioned before that you were a friend of Diluc’s, often more than just a customer at the rival tavern. No, you were seen running around the city with the red-head at random times.

She said the worst thing you could have ever suspected.

“I think Kaeya has a hot date tonight.”

You felt a lump in your throat form, but tried to keep your response guarded. “Oh?”

The bartender continued, “Yeah, I’m not sure if it was Paula? Or Maggie tonight? But you know the captain - always changing up his escapades.”

“Right, of course.” You replied back, words coming out before you could even register it. Instead, you kept on nursing your drink, spiteful words from the bartender marinating in your mind.

Kaeya was mysterious, yes. But was he leading you on?

… Was it right of you to trust him?

The first red flag should have been the fact that you knew nearly nothing about him personally. To think that you had spent all this time together talking and fighting alongside one another, but you could not even recall basic facts about him, let alone anything deep. You were unaware of his family history - Diluc was his brother, but it was the red-head who ended up confiding that fact to you.

Kaeya was so charming that you hadn’t even noticed he shut you out of his world.

And so there was no point in actively keeping a one-sided friendship like that. From then forth, you resolved to avoid the Cavalry Captain for the time being. You knew you had to free Dvalin together, but that did not mean you had to swoon for him in your free time.

It was almost expected of you to join him on Friday nights at Angel’s Share, but tonight you were missing. Neither Charles nor Diluc had seen you the entire day. There were probably a hundred different things you were doing - gathering resources, fighting slimes - and so Kaeya thought little of it.

But he was still disappointed not to see your face that night.

And so he thought nothing was wrong the next day when he saw you in the city square, talking to someone at the general store. He approached you and offered to join your party again, take down some enemies somewhere out in the country.

You didn’t even smile at him.

Not this time.

Just a curt no before you were leaving out the city gates.

The second time Kaeya already had enough and confronted you before you could even attempt to walk away.

He grabbed at your elbow, “Have you finally grown tired of me?”

You pulled it back, no real strength behind it as Kaeya still held you under his grip. “Kaeya, why is it that you keep reaching out to me? I have nothing of my own to offer - no money, no family - there is nothing left I can give you.”

He frowned in response but grabbed at your other hand, “I haven’t asked you for anything, have I?”

You looked away, “You don’t have to! It’s inherent, after all. Isn’t that why you asked me to team-up in the first place, to use me to find your criminals?”

Kaeya mentally recoiled, “Woah, back up. I may have guided you regarding the treasure but never have I maliciously led you on.”

You pulled at your hands to no avail, this time the captain actively trying to keep your attention on him.

“I just! I thought I meant something more to you, Kaeya.”

He smiled and tried to pull you into his chest, but you shoved off his touch this time fully.

“No! You can’t just hug me and think everything is okay. You’re supposed to be one of the good guys, one of the handful of people I can trust in Mondstadt and I know nothing about you.”

Kaeya did not reach for your hands, instead moving to stand in front of you. “I’m sorry that I hold my secrets close to my chest, but that’s what I’m used to.”

Frustrated, you replied. “Don’t you get tired? Holding the people that love you at an arm's length?”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, this time reaching for you. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t special. Trust me, you’re the only one I’ve had eyes on ever since you landed here in Mondstadt.”

You shook your head, “But the bartender, she said -”

“Who cares what she said?” Kaeya interrupted, “They know village gossip, but they don’t know me or you.”

“I don’t really know you.” You replied.

Kaeya caressed the side of your cheek before lightly gently grabbing your hand again, “Then let’s start.”

With a hesitant smile, you closed your eyes and nodded.

“Okay.”

You had your doubts then and it’s not like an issue of trust was fixed overnight. But, to his credit, Kaeya tried as best he could. Instead of meeting randomly at the bar, he would approach you sometime during the day and set-up a date. How he knew where you were was a mystery, but a man with that many connections surely had a way.

He had no qualms about holding your hand or openly kissing your cheek in the presence of others - proclaiming loudly to one and all in Mondstadt that you were his and he was yours.

Taking your first argument to heart, Kaeya was very keen on communication. Anything you were unsure of, he expressed that he was by no means rushing you. And when you finally shared your first kiss, for once not a single soul in front of the Lord Barbatos statue, you leaned into his touch to get many more.

Kaeya made good on his promise, slowly letting you into his world in kind. You remembered one night as the both of you sat on the edge of Mondstadt, nothing but ocean for miles in front of you. You had your head on his shoulder, describing your adventures with your brother and how you missed having family.

Kaeya had a gentle hand in your hair, rubbing soothing circles as you recalled a time long ago. Once your story finished, you two continued to stare out, wondering what the future could hold as your minds swam in an endless sea of thoughts.

He broke the silence.

“I miss my brother also.”

Diluc was not always his estranged brother, but once a friend, supporter, and sounding board. Some even mistook them as truly twins in heart and mind, defending Mondstadt and having each other’s backs for years. The Diluc you had come to know was a shell of his old self, close friends and past hidden behind years of repressed feelings.

There was no doubt wistfulness in Kaeya’s eyes as he recalled the past to you, but you continued to listen quietly.

Your relationship with the Cavalry Captain was hardly easy. Often responsibilities called you both - Kaeya was highly stationed in Mondstadt while you still had seven other countries to visit. But that did not mean the end for you both. Even when you were thousands of miles away or sat atop the highest mountain without a clue to where he was, you cherished the thought that you still shared the same sky with the love of your life.

No matter where you were in Teyvat, you had Kaeya to return to.

1K notes · View notes

shingia · 3 years

Note

Could I request Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Sakusa, Miya twins, and Tendou with a reader who used to self harm but was sober for a while, only to relapse after they left bc of a huge argument then please and thanks? Sorry if that’s really intense tho. And thank u for being so nice🙂💞

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌

ok i reaaally hope this is what you expected. i didn’t know what kind of ending you wanted but i decided that you, my friend, needed comfort, so i gave you comfort because you deserve it ❤️️

i hope reading this will make you feel better! kisses on your nose ❤️️

type : (strong) angst | word count : 4.4K

warnings : mentions of self-harm, depiction of depressive behavior (plz do not read if any of these might trigger something, i want you all to be safe <3)

⇀ 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨

« fuck you, kuroo. fuck. you. ». those were the last words you had told him. they had hurt, but they were nothing compared to the last words he had told you, the words that kept playing over and over in your head as you slowly felt yourself drift to your old habits again : « i’m done with you ».

was it your fault ? did you push him over the edge ? you had many questions to ask kuroo, but he wasn’t there to answer anymore. so these thoughts were left spiraling in your head as you started to lose balance between love and pain. because his love used to be the cure to your pain. so now what ? what were you supposed to do other than going back to your old habits ? you couldn’t think of any answer.

on monday morning, you woke up thirty minutes earlier because, first of all, you needed some time for the swelling of your eyes to go down, and second of all, you needed to mentally prepare yourself to see kuroo again. it had been two days since your fight, and he had not manifested himself once. it seemed to be well and truly over ; and that thought had been the main cause of the collapsing of your mental strength over the last two days.

during your first period, although you were avoiding his gaze, kuroo couldn’t help but cast glances in your direction. because he knew you better than anyone, and he could only imagine how hurt you were.

but he really started to get suspicious when he noticed you were not raising your hand to correct today’s homework. he had helped you with that last week, and you had told him that you felt confident enough to propose your correction to the class ; which rarely happened. so why weren’t you raising your hand ?

he had a bad feeling about the answer… he didn’t care about giving you quick glances anymore, he just stared at your arms until one of your movements would make your sleeve reveal just a few inches of your skin.

and he was horrified to have his fears confirmed. the cuts that he had so often kissed while holding you in his arms were back. and he knew it was all because of him. and although his first thought was that it was not his job to heal them anymore, he couldn’t bring himself to act unbothered.

he had loved you for long enough to know that you needed him right now. or maybe he still loved you ? it was not clear, but it didn’t matter right now. what mattered was that he needed you to listen to what he wanted to say, even if that was the last thing you accepted to hear from him.

« y/n, we need to talk » he told you once you got out of the classroom. you looked up at him ; his face was unusually austere. he carefully grabbed your shoulder and took you away from everyone else.

« i can’t… i couldn’t walk out of there pretending like i didn’t see what your arms looked like » he started. « now listen, i know i fucked up, but i still care. and you still matter. whatever our relationship is doesn’t define you and most importantly, these don’t define you » he pointed at your wrists, his brows furrowed with concern. « so please, i’m begging you, keep in mind that i’m always here if you need to talk. always. and if you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, but in that case, please find someone else. for the sake of everything we've been through together, don't let everything you’ve accomplished go to waste » and he wrapped his arms around you in the strongest hug he had ever given.

⇀ 𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨

it had already been a week. and bokuto had absolutely no idea what to do. call you ? text you ? probably not. what would he even say ? « hi, sorry for slamming the door in your face after screaming at you for fifteen minutes. am i still your boyfriend ? » awful idea.

and while bokuto was pondering every option he had left to get in touch with you, you were left in the darkest place of your mind. and you hadn’t felt like that in a few months. because bokuto used to always be there, his number on speed dial whenever you feared you would relapse. and thanks to his unwavering support, you hadn’t. but was there anything in this world that was truly unwavering ? you really started to doubt it. and now that bokuto had left you, what could carry the pain away ? whatever the answer was, you were in no condition to think rationally about it.

you remembered how he used to celebrate every improvement in your mental health, how strong of a cornerstone he had been for you. and just the fact of not knowing where you guys were at after your fight was enough to make you feel like you were drowning again.

you were overflowing with emotions that you thought you couldn’t control, and apart from holding on tight to bokuto’s chest, you only knew one way to feel better.

you loved him, you really did. but after a week without hearing from him, you started to think that maybe his feelings were not as real as he pretended they were. and how could you not blame him for that ? for letting you down so fast ?

curled up in your bed, tears were streaming down your face ; because you felt weaker than you had promised yourself to be. you were exhausted, in every sense of the word, yet there was still a tiny bit of strength left in your body that made you grab your phone and open your conversation with bokuto. the last message was a bitter pill to swallow : « no problem babe, i’m always here for you ». it was just a week ago but it felt like an eternity had passed. your fingers started slowly typing on the screen and immediately hit sent, knowing that you would second guess your message if you re-read it. « can we talk? », just three words, it was the maximum you could get off of your chest right now.

but bokuto did not answer. for the simple reason that he was too busy catching his breath in front of your door. he frantically knocked, not stopping until you opened it.

« oh my god, are you okay ?! » he exclaimed, patting your entire body like he wanted to make sure you were well and truly there. and once he had made sure of that, he pulled you against his chest like he wasn’t planning on letting you go ever again. « did- did you… » he ventured to ask, not wanting to finish his sentence precisely because he was afraid of your answer. but when he heard you let out a muffled sob against his chest, his fears instantly got replaced by guilt. more than he had ever felt. « you’re alright, i got you. i got you now… » he murmured, his hands stroking your back tenderly. « we’ll get through this together, ok ? we’ll show the world how strong you are. because i know you are. »

⇀ 𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚

yes, sakusa had run away. and he was glad he had. because he knew how hurtful he could be with his words, and he had enough respect not to inflict that to you. but as he made his way back home, doubt started installing in his head. what if he shouldn’t have left you after your fight ? he immediately shook the thought away. no, you were good now. you were better. nothing like who you were when he met you.

and sakusa could be very convincing when he needed to, including with himself. that’s why he didn’t get in touch with you for the next three days, because he thought you just needed some time for yourself.

but when he received a worried text from komori when he got out of the gym after practice, he changed his mind within seconds. « i just saw y/n, something felt off. maybe you should check on them ? ».

sakusa felt a wave of guilt descend upon of him. of course he should. it was his fucking job to offer you his help, even when he thought you didn’t need it. and especially when he knew what you had already been through. he cursed himself all the way to your house, where he could only imagine how lonely you felt. not wanting to waste any more time, he pulled out his phone to call you. and heaved a relieved sigh at the sound of your voice : « hey, are you ok ? like, right now are you doing ok ? » he asked hastily.

you sat on your bed and rubbed your strained eyes, fiddling with the cloth of your t-shirt. « i- yeah, i’m good… » you lied. « i’m at your door, open up please, i gotta see you » he said before hanging up.

you knew sakusa was not going to take no for an answer. so, after wiping your tears and putting on a long-sleeved hoodie and sweatpants, you went to open the door.

« hi… » you uttered quietly. sakusa didn’t dare to move. he had been so determined to get to your house, but now that you were standing in front of him, he wasn’t so sure of what he was supposed to do.

you decided to be the first to break the silence, « i’m okay. and i’m sorr… » « sorry. about everything. » he pre-empted you. seeing you like this made him fear the worst. so he gently grabbed your wrists like he wanted to hold your hands, when in reality he just wanted to confirm his thoughts. and when he saw you stiffen at his touch, he knew he had guessed right. « come here » he whispered before going in for a hug. but you pulled away at the last second. « can we… go to my room ? i- i feel better there » you asked timidly.

he didn’t even answer and simply wrapped his arm around your shoulder before taking you to your bedroom where you immediately curled up on your bed. you didn’t want sakusa to see you like this, but you were in no position to fight back anymore. quietly, he laid beside you and pulled you in a warm embrace, just tight enough to let you know that he got you now.

when he noticed you were trying to find something to say, to explain yourself, he shushed you with a kiss on your shoulder. « you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. but i want you to listen to me very carefully : don’t ever think that you’re back to square one now. you’ve dealt with this before, you’ve grown and you can do it again as long as you promise yourself to get back up. and i won’t leave your side. you deserve so much more than what you give yourself, and i’m here to remind you »

⇀ 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚

tsukishima’s pride was important to him, everyone knew it. the only thing he valued as much as his pride was probably you. but during your arguments, the scale always tipped in his pride’s favor, you simply could not compete.

but surprisingly enough, it was you who had told him to go away after getting in the most heated argument you had ever had. and he didn’t have to be told twice : you had shattered his beloved pride, and he was not going to stay here begging for your mercy.

he still loved you, but he also had no problem ignoring you at school. yet for some reason, this argument didn’t sit well with him. well, no arguments ever sat well with him, but today felt different.

ignoring you was one of the most hurtful things tsukishima could ever do to you. he had helped you through so much, and suddenly becoming a stranger to him was slowly bringing you back down.

« it’s just one time, i won’t relapse » you thought the first time you tried to cope with the pain the way you used to. but you feared it wouldn’t be just one time. you were diving into what you had said goodbye to ; but now that tsukishima was ignoring you, there was no one to stop you from falling, right ?

well, that would have been true if he hadn’t kept a discreet but attentive eye on you. which is why he knew very well that you had gone back to your old habits. and he needed to do something about it.

but he wasn’t good with words, and he feared that actions would not be enough this time. he needed something more permanent, something that you could keep with you all the time. so he decided to do something he had never done before, and gave it to you as soon as it was done…

receiving a letter from tsukishima was definitely not something you expected. but what was written in it was even less expected.

« i’m not the best at this kind of stuff, but… i really need you to stop being so hard on yourself. i know it’s not something i usually say, but i fell in love with you because i learned to love your imperfections. and you have to start doing the same about yourself. please. and if you need to be held, to be listened to, i’ll be there. but i wanted to write something because i want you to be able to read this as much as you need, as much as you want. i want you to get better, but even more than that, i want you to want to get better. you can do it, i believe in you more than you can think. please come to me if you need it. i love you ».

the tears that streamed down your face had a salty taste, but for the first time in a long time, they tasted like hope as well. and the next time you came face to face with yourself and your thoughts, your eyes found find their way back to the letter, and you knew that there were people that still believed in you, counted on you, loved you. tsukki was just the first one of a long list. (<3)

⇀ 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

he had been there through everything. more than you would have imagined. which is probably why you felt desperately empty ever since he got so angry at you that he left without looking back. but at the time, it simply had not crossed his mind that you would suffer so deeply from his words.

but you did. a lot. and that was the reason you found yourself crying on your bedroom floor, not even able to be mad at anyone but yourself.

still oblivious to the true damage, atsumu thought he could get back to you by pretending like nothing had happened. he often did that because, to him, what was in the past belonged in the past. except that today, and in your situation, it could not work.

« wanna grab something to eat ? » was the first text he sent you. and you didn’t feel like answering, so you didn’t. « are you still mad ? i’m not <3 » was the second one. but you still didn’t feel like answering. maybe it was your fault ? maybe you were overreacting while you were just supposed to play it cool like he did ? but you would have played it cool if you knew how to.

when atsumu decided to go to your house, it was initially to apologize in person. he had not planned on seeing you looking the way you did, which was a heart-wrenching reminder of the dark period of time you had gotten through together. but here he was, standing in front of you, feeling more helpless than ever. he knew too well the look into your eyes, one that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

he dropped the pack of snacks he was holding in his hands before cupping your cheeks. « oh no, no, no. i fucked up, didn’t i ? i am… so so so sorry. c-can you forgive me ? » he stammered, absolute panic in his eyes as he took you in his arms. why would i have to forgive you ? you thought. i’m the only one to blame.

but atsumu seemed to also hear the things you didn’t say, and he refused to let you feel guilty for anything. ever so gently, he took your hands in his before placing the softest kisses on your wrists that were still covered by the sleeves of your hoodie. « i probably won’t ever forgive myself for leaving you alone. but promise me you’ll always come to me if you need help, or any kind of support, hugs, kisses… you name it. i’ll be your coping mechanism, and i’ll be the best you’ve ever had »

and he kept holding you for a long time, at least until he felt your breath become steady again. and if you thought atsumu was doting before, prepare yourself to be even more amazed now.

⇀ 𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

fighting with osamu was not frequent, fortunately. but when fights occured, it was bad. really bad. he tended to think that you could endure as much as atsumu when it came to harsh words ; but you couldn’t.

kind of like his brother, samu had a tendency to leave the past behind and pretend like nothing happened when he got in touch with you after a fight. and that’s what he did a week ago, after one of the biggest arguments that you had ever had.

too happy that he seemed to still want to be your boyfriend, you didn’t have the courage to tell him how you had gone back to your old habits during the time you were on bad terms. but as they said, old habits died hard, and your destructive thoughts were still very present even when things seemed to have gotten back to normal.

yet samu was not blind, and he noticed that you were acting a bit more distant since last week, since your fight. but he still thought that your problems could be solved by just keeping on pretending like everything was ok. and eventually, things would turn out ok by themselves, right ?

you were laying on his bed, turned on your side as you scrolled on your phone. usually you would have had an arm swung around him, but you didn’t want to take any risk, so you kept your distances.

« hey, come closer baby. we’ve barely cuddled today » he told you before lazily wrapping his arm around your waist.

feeling nervous, you swallowed the lump in your throat before putting your phone on the nightstand. « i’m going to sleep, samu », you said, stretching your arm to turn off the light.

but he was quicker than you and gently grabbed your arm, careful not to apply any pressure on it. his eyes widened, he had barely seen your wrist but it had been enough to notice that the scars were recent. he put two and two together and looked at you dead in the eyes ; you looked ashamed, and it broke his heart. « when did y- was it because of me ? » he asked, his voice faintly shaking. you pulled away from his hand and held your arm against you, sinking in the pillow. « no, of course not. it’s nothing » you breathed out, looking away to avoid his gaze. but he was quick to make you face him again, with a slight pressure of his fingertips on your red cheeks. « there’s only one thing that i hate more than seeing you in pain. it’s knowing that i caused this pain. let me help you, y/n. please. you deserve to feel better. i’m sorry i didn’t give you as much love as you gave me. and i’m sorry for behaving like an asshole when you needed me. just… fuck, i just love you ».

tears started prickling the corner of your eyes, but he saw you trying to hold them back. with the most gentle look in his eyes, he proposed to turn off the light if it made you feel better. and you nodded ; you knew that you’d eventually had to have a face-to-face conversation with him. it was the only way to get better. but right now you just wanted to be held without thinking about what he’d see. or wouldn’t see.

so he turned off the light and let yourself get comfortable in bed before wrapping you in his embrace once again. his soft breath against your neck was obviously not enough to make all your pain magically go away, but it let you know that he had your back. and it was all that mattered.

⇀ 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮

« i don’t want to do this anymore, y/n ! » tendou had yelled, making this sentence the peak of your argument. six words, and they were on replay in your minds since four days. you couldn’t believe that almost two years of relationship had ended so abruptly. but you had to face the truth : tendou had enough of you. and obviously you linked that to the turbulent start of your relationship. you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to deal with your self harm when you had just started dating. yet he had managed to make you feel so much better that you had been sober for about a year, all thanks to him. but maybe you hadn’t been grateful enough ? maybe that was why he had decided to end things now ?

the only thing you knew for sure was that he was gone, and you felt like you had lost your anchor.

you had spent the weekend in your dorm, and it had been a painful weekend. so painful that you did not get out of bed on monday morning ; it was just too much to handle. deep down you knew that you were not handling your problems the right way… and escaping reality was not viable.

but little did you know that tendou wanted nothing more than to see you again in the hallways and finally have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. and when he didn’t see you in class, he started to freak out. he knew how it was to feel alone and rejected ; and he started to fear that he had caused you to feel exactly that. so he did not follow his friends to the cafeteria at lunch and headed to your dorm instead, hoping that you’d open the door.

and you did. thank god you did. but panic started bubbling in his chest when his eyes laid on your face.

« alright, come here » he told you with a forced smile before pulling you in his embrace. truthfully, he didn’t feel like smiling, but he knew that the last thing you needed was to think you made him feel bad. when he was with you, his main goal was to cheer you up, he’d deal with himself later. « angel… did you do it again ? » he asked, his tone being the furthest thing from judgmental. you muttered a quiet apology, your face buried in his white uniform jacket. but something lingered on your mind. angel ? it sounded right, but you knew it wasn’t. not anymore. « don’t apologize ! the only person you owe an apology to is yourself » he whispered against your ear. slowly, he put his hands on your waist before bringing you to your bed where he sat right next to you, still refusing to take his hands off of your body.

« tendou, you don’t have to do this… » you muttered, knowing that you weren’t supposed to be this close anymore. « i’m your ex, you don’t owe me anything ».

he immediately looked down to meet your eyes, an eyebrow raised in confusion. « your ex ? wh- you think i broke up with you ? y/n, when i said that i didn’t want to do this anymore, i was talking about fighting with you ! i’m sorry, i should have texted you these last few days, but i thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me »

a tear rolled down your cheek. tendou’s words sounded like heaven right now. maybe you weren’t alone after all ?

« now, do you need me to get you something ? band-aids ? anything ? » he asked, caressing your hair with his right hand. you nodded your head no and kept your head buried in his neck, like you were waiting for his scent to go to your head. « i know you’ve been through a lot, and i’m proud of you no matter what. but, you know… even though i have enough love for the both of us, i’d really want you to have enough love for yourself » he said and placed a kiss on top of your head, waiting for you to say something. but he sensed that you were not ready yet. and he was ok with that, the last thing he wanted to do was to pressure you. it was going to be a long path, but you had already done it, and you were going to do it again. and he’d be there the whole time.

ok so if you’ve read until there it probably means that you needed comfort (i hope i have given you enough) : so if you are in this situation yourself, PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask for help, you can and you will get better. i’m rooting for you like saeko roots for karasuno ❤️️

@toworuu (didn’t forget about you ^^)

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst #hq angst #hq comfort #haikyuu comfort #bokuto x trader #kuroo x trader #tsukishima x reader #sakusa x reader #osamu x reader #atsumu x reader #tendou x reader

1K notes · View notes

r1ntaros · 3 years

Text

home // c.jh

Pairing: mafia!jongho x fem!reader

Word count: 5.7k

Genre: slight angst, fluff

Warning/s: language, mentions of weapons, food, blood and kissing

Prompts:

17 - “I don’t think that’s legal, but we can work around it.”

41 - “Don’t touch that.” five minutes later. “Oh, I… uhm… I broke it.”

47 - “Is that… is that your blood?

masterlist

Jongho woke up to a commotion happening downstairs. Now out of his bed, he can’t hear anything but the sounds of rushed footsteps and loud speaking voices. Everyone is rushing, the aroma of food lingering around and most importantly, Park Seonghwa, his boss, barking orders to every single household worker as they do the job he asked them to. He tried to peek down but his grogginess is getting the best of him, taking a lazy peek and nearly slipping down the railings if he hadn’t caught himself in time.

He heard another footsteps coming from his right so he took a glance, only to see his half-brother, Yunho, walking towards him with a bright look on his face. It seems like he’s been awake for quite some time now because he’s already dressed in a soft blue cashmere sweater and a black ripped jeans. Confused with his surroundings, Jongho asked, “You’re awake early, what’s happening downstairs?”

His older brother shrugged, “You know.. Just getting ready,”

“Getting ready for what?” Jongho tried to remember his schedule, thinking if he had missed another day for another mission but all he can remember is the biggest ball happening three weeks from now.

Yunho must’ve sensed his confusion and he ruffled his younger brother’s hair, “The little princess is coming home so everyone’s preparing for it.” He tried to comb his hair just to make it look a little bit presentable and added, “Seonghwa hyung let you sleep in more so that you’ll at least be prepared for your one and only love’s arrival.”

Jongho swatted his hands away and glared at his brother, “You could’ve woken me up so I’ll have more time to freshen up.”

“Well, you’re awake now so go!” His older brother pushed him back in his room, adding a little bit more force making him stumble in the floor. If he hadn’t caught himself in time, you’ll see a sleepy Choi Jongho trying to stand up after getting face planted.

He did his morning routine but this time with extra caution. As much as possible, he wants to impress the woman he’s been trying to bag ever since he met her as a kid. He undid his hair a lot of times until just settling to putting it in a slick back manner.

Maybe she likes men who show their foreheads now, he thought as he carefully gelled up his baby hairs.

He settled for a plain black shirt and a black pants to go with so it wouldn’t be too obvious that he’s dressing up for her. He took one last glance of himself and when he’s finally content, he made his way downstairs.

Seonghwa was the first person to see him while he’s in the middle of feeding his own child. He noticed that Jongho styled his hair a bit more than he usually does making him smirk. He calculated Jongho’s activities before calling him out, “Hey apple boy.”

Jongho froze a bit then glared at his boss, “I thought I made it clear to stop calling me that?”

Satisfied with the reaction, Seonghwa just laughed, smiling when his daughter giggled at the sound of her father laughing. He stroked her cheek with his finger then gave Jongho a piercing look to which the other returned, “I have a test for you though.”

Jongho slightly tensed but Seonghwa proceeded to speak, “I would like to know where your loyalty lies.”

Turning his back and continuing his cereal shenanigans, Jongho answered, “My loyalty is dedicated to your sister.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but laugh, deeming Jongho as a keeper, “Welcome to the family, apple boy.” He said as he placed the dishes his own little family used for eating.

The younger slammed his hand at the table as he yelled, “Stop calling me that!”

Seonghwa’s little daughter just giggled and pointed at her uncle and said, “Apple boy!” Earning laughs from the people around them, specifically his friends.

Jongho just lets out a sigh knowing that he doesn’t have the heart to fight his little niece.

“Is she really going to arrive today?” Jongho’s glad that it was San who first snapped out of his impatience as they’ve been doing nothing but sitting in the living room as they wait for Seonghwa’s little sister to arrive.

The older brother himself is just as impatient as he glanced at his phone and frowned, “She told me she’s arriving today.”

Wooyoung let out a huff and said, “I swear if she doesn’t arrive I’m gonna eat the steak all by myself!”

However, as if by miracle, the sound of engine revving outside could be heard and the main security of the manor started barking out orders to those who were outside. Seonghwa’s daughter stood up first and ran to the door, her father following her then the rest.

Truly, outside, is the person they’ve all been waiting for. Helping the workers unload her things even if they didn’t ask for her help. She noticed the commotion at the front door and immediately rushed as her big brother who opened his arms for her to run into.

“I missed you!” She squealed as she tightened her hold in his waist, earning a groan from Seonghwa, “You became more handsome, big bro. Fatherhood suits you.” It earned a smile from Seonghwa who planted a kiss on her forehead as a welcome.

Her niece then started jumping up and down, “Auntie y/n!” She squealed, her arms raised, “Auntie y/n!”

The female smiled and lifted her up and poked her nose, “Hello, little Luna. I brought lots of gifts for you!”

Luna lets out a happy sound as Seonghwa sighed and took his own daughter in his arms. She was welcomed by the others who she fooled around with until she saw the man that she’s been wanting to see ever since she found out that she can finally go home.

“Hey, Jongho.” She said with a smile on her face to which the other returned, “Hi.”

And then silenced followed them after that.

No one dared to speak as they just stared at each other.. the others expecting a lot more than just the greetings but they grew impatient, especially San and groaned, “Guys, for the love of God, stop eye fucking each other!”

“We’re not eye fucking!” Jongho defended as he glared at the older, “It’s what you call appreciating each other’s presence.”

The others just laughed at his lame attempt at defending himself and Hongjoong just place his hand on his shoulders and said, “Since the both of you are appreciating each other’s presence, we would also appreciate it if you accompany our lovely y/n from Paris to her own room so she can rest.”

It’s been a good two weeks ever since y/n had arrived and to say that things are going crazy is a total understatement especially since it’s Jongho who usually gets involved.

One time it was in the middle of the night, somewhere around 3am when she disturbed Jongho in the middle of his gaming hours and said, “Jongho, I need you to accompany me to Mcdonald's and steal a thousand of their chicken nuggets.”

Jongho gave her a weird look, “I don’t think that’s legal,” he said making the girl whine and say, “You’ve done much more worst illegal things than what I-”

Not letting her finish her tantrum party, Jongho took his black card out of his wallet and said, “But we can work around it. Instead of stealing, how about I buy you the hundred pieces of chicken nuggets?”

Y/n just pouted and negotiated, “Two hundred?”

The male let out a sigh of defeat and said, “Fine. Let’s go.”

She let out a squeal full of excitement and instead of going back to her room to grab some warm clothes, she opened Jongho’s wardrobe to grab one of his hoodies and wear it.

Jongho admits, she looks good with it but he just wants to tease her, “Hey, you’re not allowed to wear my clothes.”

“Wha-” She had a look of disbelief in her face, “Since when?!” She screeched making the male in front of her laugh.

“Ever since you chose Paris over me.”

An exasperated gasp was heard between the two of them then suddenly, Jongho’s holding a clinging y/n, “Jongie, I’m so sorry but you know I’m doing it for our future babies.”

Jongho furiously blushed but he raised an eyebrow, “Future babies?”

“Yes, the future offspring of ours.”

“What makes you think that I want an offspring with you?” He deadpanned making the girl in his arms whine again, “C’mon Jjong, I know you love me.”

“I don’t.”

“You do!”

“Nope.” He said popping the p out.

Y/n whined even more, “You doooo!” She insisted with a pout.

Jongho broke his facade and laughed, “Okay maybe I do.”

She gasped and gave him an expression like she’s been scandalized, “Maybe?! Just maybe?!”

“I’m still not sure about it,” Jongho teased and puts her down on the floor, “Now, nuggets?”

She squealed and immediately made her way downstairs faster than Jongho making him laugh.

God she’s infuriating but I love her a lot, he thought with a smile as he grabbed his car keys and made his way downstairs where his little nuisance was waiting for him.

It was around 9:30pm when their meeting ended. Jongho has made his way out of the planning room and proceeded to go to his own room to freshen up and play some games.

He immediately started a hot shower and did his own little concert at the same time. Deeming his tensed muscles are finally loose, his vocal cords strained and his body thoroughly cleaned, he went out of the bathroom to get changed only to scream in shock when he saw y/n sitting down in his gaming chair, looking equally shocked as him.

“Goodness Jongho, for a mafia assassin you sure do get scared easily.” Y/n said when she had finally calmed down from the initial shock her crush had given her.

Jongho glared at her and defended himself, “Who wouldn't get shocked if I suddenly saw an intruder in my room with my computer turned on, especially when I don’t remember turning it on.”

Y/n just let out a small hmph and said, “Go wear your clothes.”

“Get out.”

“No.”

Jongho deadpanned and tried to be as threatening as possible, “Are you going out or do I have to throw you myself out.”

Y/n squirmed in her seat and retorted, “But your gaming chair is so comfy!” She then lit up and said, “You go get dressed while I play phasmophobia!”

“Are you sure you’re going to play phasmophobia?” The male asked with a smirk and couldn’t help but laugh at the eager nod he received as he got dressed.

—

After playing one round of phasmophobia, Jongho holds a shaken up y/n as they eat their midnight snacks and watches the movie he put up on his TV.

Jongho couldn’t help but laugh at her state, “Don’t say I didn’t ask you if you were sure about playing it.”

Y/n sniffled, “Shut up, I didn’t know it was that scary.”

He just giggled and planted a kiss on the crown of her head, “Want to sleep here and cuddle or do you want me to carry you to your room and keep you company until you fall asleep?”

Tightening her hold on his waist, she shook her head, “Want to sleep here and your cuddles.” She answered, making Jongho smile softly and said, “I’m here baby, now go eat your fries.”

The next day, y/n stayed a bit more in his room after waking up as she watched her favorite anime on Jongho’s huge TV. He can’t blame her though, Seonghwa hasn’t set up her whole room so it’s kind of boring and dead still.

Jongho was once again in the shower, freshening himself up. She waited for thirty minutes and that’s when a freshly bathed Jongho, wearing a plain white shirt and sweatpants, emerged from the bathroom.

He planted a kiss on her cheek and said, “I’ll be right back.”

It seemed like he caught her attention as she pouted in his direction, “Where the fuck are you going?”

He snorted, “I’m just gonna go to the storage room and have one of my guns fixed.” He replied as he grabbed a bag that was hidden under his closet, “I swear I’ll be right back.”

“Can I not just come with you?”

With her sporting a puppy eyed look, Jongho knows that he can’t resist her. He lets out a sigh, “Fine, as long as you don’t do anything stupid or accidentally shoot me in the head or something.”

—

Y/n, somehow, did ended up doing something stupid.

But it wasn’t as severe as he had expected her to do.

Jongho sometimes forgot that she’s like a child who needs to be under supervision.

He was just having one of his guns cleaned, entertaining y/n by answering her questions regarding the mafia life that Seonghwa refuses to get her involved when she looked at one of the enormous pistols that’s currently in Jongho’s ownership.

Not missing a beat, he warned her, “Hey, don’t touch that.” Thinking that she listened to him like an obedient girl she is, he went to the back room to grab more stuff to clean his weapons and fix the gun that had y/n’s attention earlier.

He went back to the main room and was satisfied to see y/n sitting down on one of the couches Jongho told her so. He proceeded to clean his stuff and five minutes later, he decided to fix the gun.

Looking around, he asked, “Y/n, where’s the gun?”

The girl had a terrified look on her face and Jongho knew, he just knew that something had happened, “Oh, I uhm..” She stuttered, refusing to meet Jongho in the eyes, “I broke it.”

“How the fuck-” Jongho shook his head, “You know what, never mind. Just show me where you placed it then I’ll see what I can do.”

Y/n pointed at the drawer and Jongho opened it then examined the gun she claimed that she broke.

It only ended up getting even more loose on the part where the shells should be inserted and Jongho fixed it without having any more problems and y/n watching him do his work obediently.

A day before the mafia’s big day, Jongho was called by Seonghwa in the office. It’s only 7am that time so him being summoned by the big boss at his office at this early hour means that it’s a serious matter. He was given thirty minutes to freshen himself up but this time, he resorted to washing his face, brushing his teeth and breaking an apple into half using his bare hands.

He knocked at Seonghwa’s office, hearing a muffled squeal from Luna inside and then the door was opened, “Good morning uncle Jjongi!” She squealed and he placed his index finger in his lips and said, “Indoor voice, Luna. Not everyone is awake yet.”

The young girl placed her hand on her mouth, a muffled “oops” coming from her as she immediately rushed back to her playpen inside her father’s office.

He entered the office silently, only seeing Seonghwa with his hair down unlike his usual slicked back hairdo with his eyeglasses perked up in his nose. However, he wasn’t alone. Y/n was sitting in one of his couches in the office, hugging her knees close to her chest, looking as problematic as her brother.

“Did something happen?” He asked as he gave y/n the other half of the apple he’s holding, receiving a silent thank you from her. Jongho gave her a small smile then diverted his attention to her brother as he sat down on the chair in front of his table, “A penny for your thoughts, hyung?”

Seonghwa removed his glasses and massaged his temple and said, “Someone has y/n’s information and was planning to attack here in the manor by the time we leave tomorrow for the ball.” He opened a folder containing the files and information regarding the plotted attack, “I don’t know what to do. I’m planning to bring her along with us but that means she can get totally exposed to the mafia world. If I were to leave her alone here, it’s quite risky because you know.. Despite this place being my second guarded establishment, there’s still a 1% chance out of 99 that it can still be infiltrated. I can’t just make any of you stay here with her because that means I have to redo the plan for tomorrow.”

Jongho weighed his options for a while and said, “You actually can leave one of us here instead, hyung.”

Seonghwa looked at him as if he had grown another head, “You know I don’t function well when the eight of us are not complete. I even have to bring Yeosang alone with us even if he works in the mafia’s internal functions!”

“Yes I know, but think about it. Will you rather not function properly or live along, carrying the guilt that you could’ve saved your sister’s life by letting at least one of us stay here?” Jongho took one big bite of the remaining edible parts of his apple and threw it in the bin near Luna, making the girl amazed that her uncle was able to shoot it right there, “You’re bringing Luna and your wife back to her brother’s territory right? Why don’t I drop them off to her brother’s territory so I can bring y/n with me then we’ll go to my penthouse in the downtown.”

The mafia boss looked baffled, “You’re volunteering yourself to stay?!” He exclaimed and scoffed, “Jongho out of all people you-”

“Play the most important part in the mafia, I know.” He then glanced at y/n who just shrunk at her place even more, “But y/n plays the most important part in my life and I just want her to be safe.” Jongho said it in a quiet voice, enough for only Seonghwa to hear but he forgot how Seonghwa had told his own daughter to listen sharply in conversations and use her sharp ears well. It’s helpful most of the time but it brings them in trouble.

And now is one of those times. Luna suddenly gasped and pointed at Jongho, “Uncle Jjongie likes auntie!” She shrieks and clapped with a cute smile of hers, “Cousin, I want a baby cousin!”

Seonghwa face palmed himself, “Oh my goodness,” he then picked up Luna and placed him on his lap, “Luna what did daddy tell you before?”

Luna pouts and plays with her father’s hand, “Never get involved with adult conversation.”

Her father smiled and kissed the side of her head, “Don’t do that again, okay?” Luna nodded. “Oki, daddy.”

He then gave Jongho a look who now had his face planted on the desk and he took a quick glance at his sister who seemed shocked by the sudden revelation. He pats Jongho in his forearm, “Since Luna caused a bit of an issue, I think letting you go with my sister wouldn’t hurt the mafia a bit.” A small smile suddenly broke out in his face, “Besides, you said that your loyalty lies within my sister. Now, prove it to me.”

“No daddy, I want to go with you!” Luna tightened her hold on her father as tears streamed down her cute little face. Seonghwa held a pained look in his face as he tried his best to not fall for his daughter’s whines. He sat her down on the seat of Jongho’s audi and wiped her face, “Baby, you’ll be seeing me in three days time again. For now be good to your mom, okay?”

Luna nodded but then she asked, “Will mommy miss you too?”

Seonghwa’s wife laughed and planted a kiss on her daughter’s cheek, “Of course baby, mommy will miss daddy too. For now, be good to uncle Jongho and entertain him as he drives us to uncle Inseong’s place, okay?” Luna agreed to her mother’s statement, already standing near the driver’s seat where Jongho and y/n silently sat.

The tension between the two of them is not awkward but it’s full of repressed feelings that haven't been let out in the air. Jongho felt y/n’s hand crawling its way to his and gave it a squeeze of reassurance that they’ll talk and Jongho felt relieved that she’s willing to do so.

Now that Seonghwa had finished his temporary farewells to his little family, he went to Jongho’s side and smiled at him, “Take care of yourselves. I want my family to come back to me alive and whole.”

Jongho gave him a sincere smile, “I will, hyung. Finish the mission safely and look after my other big brother. Yunho can be quite clumsy when he’s on a killing streak.” They both laughed at that but still got an affirmation from his boss.

With finality, Jongho started to drive away from the manor.

He first dropped off Luna and her mother to the Kim territory before driving to his penthouse that is only used for undercover purposes or for times like this. It isn’t the first time that Jongho has his life on the line hence the reason why he doesn’t abandon this penthouse despite having been obligated to live in the manor.

He safely parked his car in his reserved parking space and helped y/n with her things. They didn’t talk, but it wasn’t an awkward silence as well. They rode the elevator that led to the highest floor in the building and Jongho punched in the password. Once his access was granted, he went inside along with y/n.

The girl behind him is so fascinated, “You own a place like this, wow.”

Jongho just smiled and put their bags down in the living room, “Your brother pays well.”

“How long do we have to stay here?” She said and ran her fingers in the framed pictures of him and his family along with his friends who now play the huge part in the mafia, “I kind of just want to stay here with you.” She added and giggled at the silly photo of the Ateez affiliates, especially when her own brother looked so offended with San and Wooyoung fooling around with him in the picture.

Jongho went behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He had done this a lot of times before but his affection hits differently now, “We can stay here as long as we want but Seonghwa said the maximum is one week.”

Plenty of time to talk, y/n thought and she glanced at Jongho over her shoulder, “Tired?” She asked and played with his hair.

The other shook his head a no, “Just enjoying your presence?”

“Should we move this to the bedroom?”

Jongho kept himself at a distance after that statement and looked at her teasingly, “I thought we’re going to talk?”

Y/n looked at him in disbelief, “Get your mind out of the gutter, we’re going to talk in the bedroom.” She said and elbowed Jongho at his side, earning a yelp of pain from him. She lets out a giggled and strutted towards what she assumed as Jongho’s room, the other just following her and guiding her when she nearly entered the wrong room.

Making herself comfortable in his bed, she called out for him, “Jjongie, cuddle me.”

Jongho lets out an amused snort, “I thought we’re going to talk?”

The female just glared at him and said, “We can cuddle while talking, you fucking asshole.” She pulled her down with him and said, “Beside, right after this talk we’ll be doing this a lot more.. hopefully.”

Jongho positioned himself properly and said, “Okay, what do you want to talk about first?”

Y/n did not speak for a while until she giggled, “Remember when we were kids? You gave me the last chocolate because you don't like sweets?”

The other laughed and ran his hand through her hair, “I remembered how you squealed so loud that your parents thought I was bullying you or something.” He suddenly breaks out into a smile, “I thought I was gonna die or something but then you helped me.”

She then took his other free hand and played with it, “We spent a lot of time growing up.”

“I know, we went through a lot of pain but I think the most painful one was when your parents announced that you have to go to Paris to study.” Jongho remembers that day clearly. He remembered how he comforted y/n as she cried into his arms, not wanting to leave her best friend behind.

But Jongho assured her, despite him getting teary, that he’ll wait for her no matter how long it takes for her to come back.

Jongho’s glad he did or else he wouldn’t have her here in his arms.

“You know, y/n, every single waking day without you, I always think of you. If you’re having fun, if you’re eating well or taking care of yourself. I even thought once if you’ve started dating someone and if you did, are you happy with him?” Jongho looked down only to see her looking up at him with eyes full of adoration, “Every single day, my feelings have not faded. I always planned the day where I’m going to tell you that I want to be with you. If you decided to go back to Paris, I’m willing to go back with you.”

“Jjongie, you’re being too serious.” Y/n teased as he poked his abdomen.

“You said we’re going to talk. You know that Luna just exposed me so I figured we’re going to talk about that.” He then huffed, “That brat.”

“Hey, don’t talk about my niece like that. She’s a sweetheart.”

“Yeah but her father spoils her too much. If she’s not just cute I would’ve flicked her forehead already.”

Y/n just laughed and then suddenly squirmed. She relocated herself and straddled Jongho’s hips, “I like you too.”

Jongho smirked, “Oh yeah?”

She rolled her eyes at him, “When I said I want to have babies with you, I really mean it.”

Wanting to teased her more, Jongho urged, “Really? I thought we were just platonic flirting?”

“Choi Jongho!”

“Alright, I’m just kidding, come here.” He said and pulled her close to his chest. “From now on, I’m going to protect you with my whole being. I’ll swear on it up until the day that I die.”

“So it means you’re my boyfriend now, right?”

“It’s so lame but yes.”

Y/n just hummed contentedly and planted small kisses on his jaw, making him laugh, “If you want to give me kisses might as well do it on my li–”

He was suddenly cut off when he was silenced by a hungry kiss. He was taken aback but he reciprocated it in no time after he came up with the initial shock. His hands traveled down her waist until he reached the hem of the hoodie she was wearing, to which he figured was his, and inserted his hands inside of it where he could feel the warmth of her skin.

She whimpered in his mouth, making him tighten his hold on her waist. Jongho felt her pinch the back of his neck which prompted him to bite her lower lip.

After they ran out of air, Jongho sat her properly in the bed and asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Thank you for your service.” Jongho bowed at the cashier who gave him no interest as he carried the plastic bag that contains their cup noodles, chips, sweets and drinks. He cupped his pants and some places in his body, making sure that his weapons are well hidden and secured.

Once he deemed himself secretly armed, he immediately went out and walked towards where his car was parked only to be grabbed by a hand to which he tried to resist until he felt a blade press towards his side.

“Where is she, Choi?”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about. Who are you?”

He heard the person behind him and dug their knife deeper in his side. He felt his own skin break, followed by a sting but Jongho still refused to talk about her.

“Tell me, Jongho then I’ll spare your life.”

He did not move but either way he slightly moved away from the knife and tried to move away but the person was able to match his speed which earned him a deep gash on his side. He groaned in pain but then earned him the upper hand as he landed a solid punch on the guy’s face and pulled out his knife strapped on his thighs and pushed it deep on the person’s side until they’re bleeding themselves out.

He immediately rushed to his car, not forgetting the plastic bag and drove himself as quickly as possible back to his penthouse.

—

Y/n was just chilling in the bedroom when he heard the door harshly open, making her jump from her spot.

Curious about the commotion, she went out and saw Jongho clutching his sides and muttering curses under his breath.

“Jongho? What happened?”

The guy in question looked at her and managed a smile, “Hey,” he croaked out weakly, “I bought us food.”

She studied the man in front of her and noticed that the side he’s clutching has crimson liquid coming out of his sides. With fear and concern overcoming her senses, she dumbly asked, “Is that… is that your blood?”

Jongho still managed to let out a weak laugh, “Don't go on shock with me, baby and help me.” He said and walked slowly, “Come on, doctor y/n. Don’t go useless on me.”

Letting out a deep sigh she said, “Right. Come on, let’s bring you to the bathroom.”

—

Immediately tending to her lover’s wounds, y/n made sure to take care of her well. The adrenaline rushed out of Jongho’s body immediately knocking him out to sleep.

Sighing deeply, she stared at his peaceful face. She knows that this is one of the risks of dating Jongho. She has to face that every single day, there’s a threat in their lives and a gun pointed at their heads. But either way, when it happens, she’s willing to tend him until death.

Her stupor was broken when she heard her own phone ringing. She stared at the caller’s ID first and let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it’s her own brother calling.

“Hey, Hwa.” She greeted, a small smile making its way to y/n’s face, “Are you safe? How did it go?”

“It went successful,” Seonghwa said, triumph evident in his voice, “How are you and Jongho? You can now go home anytime. Yunho and the others were also able to eliminate the gang going after you.”

Y/n frowned as Jongho squirmed beside her and involuntarily let out a groan of pain, “I’m good but we might come home after three days. Jongho needs to rest.”

“Huh? What happened to him?”

“Got stabbed at his side and it’s quite deep. He lost some blood too, but don’t worry, I immediately tended him.”

Silence enveloped the two of them for a while until Seonghwa spoke, “Thank you y/n. I don’t know what he’ll do if you’re not there with him.”

“It’s nothing Hwa.” She smiled and then suddenly remembered something, “Oh by the way, I have something to ask you that I’ve been wanting to ever since I arrived.”

“Sure, hit me up.”

“Can I apply as the mafia’s doctor?”

“Captain Luna is speaking. Say your names, over!”

“Agent golden retriever is here, over.”

“Daddy night fury is here, over.”

“Mommy light fury is here, over!”

“Uncle mountain, over.”

“Wooyu uncle is here Captain Luna, reporting for duty!”

“Uncle Joongie here, little night light.”

“Uncle hehetmon is currently on duty!”

“Uncle Minki reporting to princess Luna for duty.”

Most of them had answered Luna from the walkie talkie but Seonghwa watched his own daughter frown and say, “Where is uncle Jelly Bear? Has anyone heard of Uncle Jelly Bear?”

There was no answer from the others and Seonghwa frowned. Jongho and y/n are supposed to be away for only a week but it’s already nearing a two, making Luna miss both of them terribly. Y/n always made sure to give him an update about Jongho’s recovery but the last few days, he received nothing.

Maybe they’re just too busy with each other.

He was cut off from his thoughts when his daughter let out a frustrated scream as her tears fell and threw the walkie talkie in her hand when she received no answer from Jongho.

Seonghwa immediately went to her side to calm her down when static signals were suddenly heard and a voice spoke, “Sorry, Uncle Jelly Bear was late but he’s home!”

Saved from another temper tantrum, Seonghwa thought as he carried Luna and talked to her, “Uncle Jjongie’s home baby, let’s go downstairs to meet them or do you want to wait for them to come up here and report to daddy?”

Luna pointed at the door and said, “Go downstairs please, daddy.”

Seonghwa smiled, “What a polite girl you are.”

The father and daughter duo immediately went downstairs just in time for them to see Jongho plant a kiss on y/n’s lips and pat her bum as he maneuvered her to the kitchen.

Luna then gasped, enough to be heard by the new couple and pointed at the two of them while looking incredulously at her dad, “Daddy, they did the thing that you and mommy do every day!”

Her father couldn’t help but laugh, “Yes baby, it’s because uncle Jongho and auntie y/n loves each other like how daddy loves your mom.”

The little girl clapped her hand excitedly and said, “Does that mean I get to have a younger cousin now?!”

Jongho tensed at the question while y/n just laughed and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at her boyfriend, “What do you say, Jongho?”

The man in question let out a pained smile, “Let’s get married first, okay?”

#ficscafe dpe #ficscafe #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez x reader #ateez fic #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez au #ateez writing #ateez jongho x reader #ateez jongho #choi jongho #choi jongho x reader #ateez mafia au #mafia!ateez #mafia!jongho

236 notes · View notes

softjaehyvn · 3 years

Text

[dusk till dawn ; w.yh]

[genre ; angst, fluff]

[warnings ; accusation of cheating]

- requests open ! check out this post !

You truly couldn’t believe that this was happening.

His eyes shining with tears; some of them rolling down his cheeks and softly landing on his neck and getting soaked by his shirt. This single moment was breaking your heart and you knew exactly that he was feeling the same.

“Xuxi, please, can you listen to me for a minute? Let me explain”, you told him. You trying to keep your voice soft and steady so he wouldn’t see how you felt at this moment. You weren’t fine and you felt like you had done the worst thing ever by making Yukhei cry.

Yukhei always had been a very vulnerable person. Easy to break if you knew his weakness – his insecurity about not being good enough. The only people he truly trusted were his group mates, you and one girl from middle school back from Hong Kong.

Now he – well more like Lihua, who was his best friend long before you knew Yukhei – accused you of cheating on him with some guy – more specifically, Dejun. That wasn’t true; all you were doing was secretly planning out his birthday party.

Of course, Lihua had to ruin everything by taking pictures of you laughing with the young man at a coffee shop and checking some more ideas as inspirations for your boyfriend’s birthday party where all his members were going to be at. Now, when Yukhei showed you those pictures on his phone, you couldn’t believe that there was someone who wanted to ruin your relationship. Lihua was well aware of what was going on between Dejun and you – but she pretended like she didn’t.

“What do you want to explain? Everything is obvious – you seem like having a lot of fun with Dejun, don’t you?” Yukhei’s voice was loud and angry… or was it disappointment?

“Baby, please listen to me”, you tried once again, taking the phone out of his hand to place it on the table. You finally put your hands on his cheeks, brushing his tears away. “If you listen to me, you’ll understand.”

Your heart broke into so many pieces when he backed off to grab his phone and jacket and left your shared apartment with no other word.

If he just would have listened to you.

two days ago

“Alright, ready for more headaches and caffeine overdose because of exhaustion?”, Dejun asked you with a grin when you two entered the coffee shop you two loved to stay in and plan your boyfriend’s birthday.

“Yeah, sure. Caffeine overdose – we love it”, you giggled and sat down at your usual spot. Dejun took out his MacBook and opened the website you two had last visited. “So, we just need to start ordering everything, right? Did you get the money from the boys?”, you asked him to which he nodded.

“Everything on your bank account. I thought it’d be better if you’d have it to order everything. We’re going to get everything today, right?”, you smiled lightly when you nodded.

“I guess? His birthday is in two weeks and I think that’s enough time to prepare everything, right? I mean, we already planned everything out”, Dejun nodded as an answer, so you both decided to get everything already so that would be finally done as well.

Then it was all simply about waiting for the packages to arrive. Dejun and you didn’t want to skip your little coffee meet-up’s so you continued going to the small shop whenever the young man had time to. However, little did you know that Lihua ended up going to the same café as you.

now

“Alright, good, I’m glad that he’s safe at the dorm”, you sighed and nervously walked around the small apartment, trying to process what had just happened. It had been around an hour since Yukhei hurriedly had left the apartment, leaving you all by yourself there.

“I’ll take care of him, don’t worry about him”, Kun reassured you and the knowledge that your boyfriend was somewhere safe made you feel a little less worried. Of course, all you could think of was making him understand that you weren’t cheating on him with Dejun, however, you decided to let Yukhei just in peace for a few days and try reaching out for him then.

You didn’t expect him to block you on every social media account possible so you just couldn’t reach out to him. It was a surprise for you – Yukhei never blocked you, no matter how extreme your fight was. However, you assumed that it was related to Lihua as the girl had recently moved to Seoul for her university and spent a lot of time with your boyfriend.

You never had a reason to believe Yukhei might be cheating on you. You let him have his freedom and fun with his childhood best friend and members whenever he wanted and needed it – and it was making you mad that it only needed a picture where you were spending time with one of your closest friends to make him feel insecure about himself.

You always trusted him, never doubted when he said that Lihua was just an old friend who needed to find a connection in a new city and country.

A relationship was built over trust and love.

You just weren’t quite sure what you could have done wrong that he didn’t trust you.

Two days before it was finally Yukhei’s birthday, a lot of packages arrived at your place. Knowing that those were everything you needed for the small party, you called Dejun to let him know that everything arrived and that he should inform the rest to help you carry the stuff to the company.

However, it wasn’t Dejun who picked up. It was your boyfriend.

“So, you still have the guts to call him? You’re so messed up, Y/N, I can’t believe I trusted you”, Yukhei said, his voice was so cold that it slightly terrified you.

“Xuxi, love, it isn’t what you think it is… just give him the phone”, you asked him, but never got a reply. You then noticed that he had hung up and sighed. You had no idea who you could call when you remembered that you also had Kun’s phone number saved.

You couldn’t call him, though. If Yukhei picked up on Dejun’s call, he most likely was at the company or in the dorm. You assumed that Kun was with him which is why you just texted Kun to let one of the boys know that you needed help with everything you and Dejun had ordered.

He replied quickly that he would ask the younger members to come over and help you out, it would just take around two hours as they were recording at that moment. You felt a little sorry for stressing the younger ones out but it was necessary.

“Thank you guys again. I’m so sorry for pushing your limits. As soon as we get to the company, I’ll treat you to some food”, you promised the young members of the group.

“Sure!”, Jeno accepted for all of the six boys and continued walking carefully towards the car. “I hope this will make hyung happy.”

“Was he doing alright today?”, you asked nervously, you were constantly worried about him, especially after you had called Dejun which Yukhei had picked up. Jaemin shook his head, though.

“Not really. He seemed so off today, always messed up the choreography and we just couldn’t get forward today. Seems like this whole thing burdens him. Taeyong hyung is all around him, though, don’t worry”, Jaemin answered. Knowing Taeyong, you breathed out in relief.

“Thank you, Jaemin”, you thanked him with a soft smile, this one – unlike the ones before – actually reached your eyes. “I hope I can make him understand that Dejun and I have nothing going on… I don’t even know what made him lose his trust. I never did anything that could be the reason for him to doubt me.”

“I’m sure you will get through this… but I think you should try to keep Lihua noona away from him because I think she has something to do with this. She kept on coming into our practice room and interrupting him because she wasn’t sure about something? It was so weird, she kept on asking him but it was just weird that she didn’t ask anyone else like Kun was in his studio or Dejun was also there who could help her”, Jaemin explained.

That got you into thinking. Lihua was the one who sent those pictures to Yukhei. She was all clingy to your boyfriend. You never said anything to Yukhei as you didn’t want to seem like a jealous girlfriend.

“I guess, I never noticed that she was like this… I’ll see what I will do”, you told him and smiled before you got into the car. Then you started driving to the company building where everything would be stored until Yukhei’s birthday. When you arrived back at home, you just sat there, thinking about Yukhei and that was the only thing you did that day.

Finally, it was the day where you could go to the company building and would decorate everything like you and Dejun had planned everything out. Dejun had practice, so you purposely asked Lihua to help you out. Along with her, you had asked Kun to come over, so you could keep yourself from directly confronting her.

“Thanks for helping me out”, you smiled; it was a fake smile, though. “I couldn’t have finished this all by myself.”

“No problem. Xuxi is my childhood best friend, I’d do anything for him”, Lihua just brushed it off.

“So… anything?”, you chuckled but remained silent when you received a warning glance from Kun. However, you couldn’t hold yourself back and asked another question because you wanted to know. “Why did you send Yukhei those pictures of me and Dejun?”

Lihua widened her eyes, not expecting that question. She had thought that it was all over with you and Yukhei; she thought her plan worked out.

“I just thought he should know that you two spent time together. He told me that he wasn’t sure where you went so when I saw you there, I decided to let him know so he wouldn’t be worried.”

That was a lie. You had told Yukhei that you would go to your favorite coffee shop to work on something for university. The university part was a lie, yes, but he did know that you were at the coffee shop.

“That was none of your business, Lihua. You knew exactly that I was going to meet up with Dejun just for Yukhei’s birthday. However, you decided to be a little bitch about it and now my boyfriend thinks I was cheating on him, while I was just trying to make this day special for him”, you got mad with every single second you have been talking to Yukhei’s best friend and at some point, Kun just stepped in. The male suggested that you should check up on Yukhei and see if he still ignores you while he and Lihua would continue decorating the practice room.

So, you did as you were told, still not calmed down while you walked through the whole building and searching for Yukhei. Your boyfriend was recording right now, so you decided to ask the producer if you could just sit there on the couch, to which he agreed. Most of the workers around knew you and you were comfortable with just sitting there with them, listening to your boyfriend practicing his lines before recording.

When he noticed you, he didn’t react quite the way you expected him to. Yukhei was furious when he got out of the small room and you jumped up when you saw him walk towards you. “What the hell are you doing here?”, he asked; even the producer startled at his harsh, loud tone.

“I just wanted to see you… you haven’t come home for the past two weeks so I was worried about you”, you murmured, but it was loud enough for him to hear. “So, now you were worried about me? You didn’t think of me when you secretly met up with Dejun!“

“It wasn’t… It wasn’t what you were thinking, Yukhei. Please just… listen to me and just come with me, yeah? I have to show you something, then you’ll understand”, you begged, taking his hand into yours. You had received a message from Kun that everyone had arrived at the practice room and decorating was also done, so you could finally take your boyfriend there.

“Please.”

Yukhei sighed and nodded then. You would never speak like this if you didn’t know what you were talking about.

You smiled lightly and took his hand to bring him towards the practice room. “What are we doing here, Y/N?”, he asked you and you just shushed him.

“We’re comin’ in!”, you yelled and quickly pulled your boyfriend inside when everyone started yelling “happy birthday!” Yukhei was startled when the chaos broke off.

“This… what?”, Yukhei just blurted out. “This was what you’ve been hiding from me?”

“And this was why Dejun and I always met up secretly”, you explained. “I couldn’t tell you because I still wanted it to be a surprise so… yeah.” You chuckled lightly. “Look, I never meant to do any harm. I just didn’t want to ruin the surprise and Dejun was so helpful with organizing and choosing everything for this because I wanted you to have a special day. I didn’t think that someone would just take our pictures and send them to you so you could find out. I’m sorry for lying to you and I’m so sorry-“

Yukhei interrupted you by placing his lips on yours, just stopping you from talking and you finally leaned into the kiss. Before he stepped away he softly murmured an “I love you” and finally turned towards his birthday cake and blew off the candles.

Wong Yukhei finally realized that you would always love him unconditionally forever; be with him from dusk till dawn.

hi there! i finally managed to finish this one off! i really liked the idea of the plot i wrote for the song suggestion “dusk till dawn” by sia and zayn by anon! this also kind of is a late lucas day post which i didn’t manage to finish on time. so, i truly hope u enjoyed and please like, reblog and share! it would mean a lot to me!

tags ; @wownajaemin @n8dlesoupguk @hunjins (let me know if u want to be tagged to future posts!)

#nct #nct fluff #nct angst #nct smut #nct lucas #lucas fluff #lucas angst #lucas smut #huang xuxi #wong yukhei #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct x reader #lucas x reader #tw cheating

198 notes · View notes

eternally-writing · 3 years

Text

still into you | kth

genre: angst and fluff

rating: PG

pairing: Taehyung x reader

Theme: idol!au, ex-boyfriend!au, idol!reader , one-shot

word count: 2.0k

warnings: none

summary: Seeing your ex-boyfriend, Taehyung, in the crowd as you perform brings an onslaught of emotions.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

Feeling the lights of Seoul Olympic Stadium shine onto you, you couldn’t help but feel that you’d finally accomplished your dreams.

Winning a daesang, performing at the MAMA’s, what more could a girl ask for? Anyone would be lucky to have a fraction of the success that you have had and you definitely felt grateful. However, you couldn’t shake the sense of longing as you looked out into the crowd. Especially as you saw his face.

Continuing to sing, you couldn’t help but reminiscence as you sang the lyrics you write about him.

I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you

You could still remember the way it felt to have his arms wrapped around you. The way he’d wake you up with forehead kisses and beg for you to stay in bed with him the whole day. The way he’d sing for you by the waterfront with the moon as the only witness to your love.

And even baby our worst nights, I'm into you

Then you remembered the fights. The way he’d storm out of your apartment at 2am going to god knows where. The way he’d leave you broken and alone, sobbing on your kitchen floor. The way he’d make you cry for days on end.

Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all

The 3 years you spent with him seemed to pass by in an instant as you replay all your memories. The way you acted like a shy schoolgirl when you first met him. The way he used to surprise you with flowers and call you my “forever”. But then things changed. You don’t know how, or why. But the sweet texts started to dwindle, the arguments started to get bigger. Things got out of hand.

Yeah, after all this time I'm still into you

He was your first love. You don’t think you’ll ever forget him. You hope he’ll never forget you.

You only hoped that all those emotions came across as you locked eyes with him in the crowd. The whole performance seemed like a blur as the memories flooded through your system, you almost couldn’t believe that it had flown by so fast. The cathartic experience of being able to belt those lyrics out not only to the world, but to him, made it feel like a weight had been lifted off your chest.

The song soon came to an end and you could hear the roaring crowd giving you a standing ovation on all sides. There was only one person’s reaction that you truly cared about though.

Taehyung was right there at a table by the front of the stage, looking you in the eyes and clapping while a soft smile graced his face. You wondered if he was feeling all those memories that you felt too.

-♡-

As the hustle and bustle of the awards show died down, the adrenaline was still pumping through your veins as you were with your team preparing to go home. Whispering a quick message to your manager, you left to quickly run to the bathroom.

People usually fled from awards shows as fast as they could, so it was no surprise that the hallway was completely empty, the only sounds you could hear being the cheers of fans lingering outside the venue and some idols doing interviews.

Until you could also hear him. He came out of a room like a surprising gust of wind, blowing himself right into your path.

Coming face to face with him made your breath get caught in your chest.

“Y/N,” he spoke softly, as if he was afraid his words would shatter you.

“hi, taehyung”

You don’t know what you expected when you thought of meeting Taehyung here. You didn’t even know how he’d felt about you since you broke up. For all you know, he could hate you.

You and Taehyung made a point to only talk about pleasantries and regular things : the weather, JYP’s risque performance today (it made you both the tiniest bit uncomfortable), and the rest of the awards show. But soon, the small-take came to an end, and neither of you seemed willing to deal with the elephant in the room. Feeling the conversation come to a natural end, you didn’t know how or what to make of anything. Taking one last gaze at Taehyung, as if trying to keep a mental photo of him that you could treasure forever, you said what you thought would be your last words to him.

“Goodbye, Taehyung.”

It was stupid really. There was another awards show next week and you’re sure that even if you used every bone in your body to try and keep yourself away from him, fate would probably find a way to make you meet. But with the performance today, the look you shared, something felt final. Something felt like goodbye.

Turning around, you continued on your route back to your dressing room. Not hearing Taehyung’s footsteps moving the other way, you couldn’t stop yourself from taking yourself

What you didn’t know was that Taehyung’s internal monologue was begging him to say something to you. He had almost let you slip away without saying anything, but now that he had an opportunity since you had turned around again he couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of his mouth.

“I’m still into you,” he professed almost breathlessly, as if the confession took the wind out of him.

You froze in your place. There’s no way he said what he thought you did… right? You couldn’t stop your jaw from slightly dropping open.

“What did you just say?” you said, with an air of franticness but also hesitancy in your voice.

“I’m the one that the song “still into you�� is about, right?”

Right. That definitely made much more sense than what you thought he said.

“Uh, yeah” you said as you cleared your throat - “so I guess I should say thank you for the Billboard #1 or something,” You tried to muster up a laugh to clear the awkwardness with the joke, but you don’t think it worked very well.

Taehyung looked at you sheepishly.

“I know how much of a dream that was for you, so I’m happy for you. You deserve it.” he professed, failing to hide his pride in your accomplishments.

It was good to know that he still remembered all those little moments you all shared together. It was funny, there was a time where you and Taehyung were lying in bed, talking about your dreams and he said that he would walk all the way from Seoul to Busan to get a Billboard #1 for you. I guess in a way, he did help get you that #1.

You felt a pang of longing as you looked at him across from you. Although you and Taehyung were physically the closest that you had been in months, you couldn’t help but feel farther than ever from him.

Your phone dinging brought you back to the fact that you should be with your manager giving interviews right now.

As you turned away from him, continuing back to your initial trek back to your dressing room, you heard him speak one more time.

“Are you- “

He took an audibly deep breath.

“Are you still into me, Y/N?”

It seemed like time stopped for the two of you. The sounds of the backstage had faded into nothingness and all you could hear was the sound of your pounding heart and Taehyung's laboured breaths. Taehyung truly was asking the million dollar question . You had imagined this scenario so many times, but you had not managed to prepare yourself for what this moment would feel like.

Turning around, you began to speak.

“Yknow Tae, I thought for the longest time that I was. It took me a really long time to think about this, to figure this all out. When we first broke up I didn’t even understand why it was happening. But now I see it all, I think.”

You paused to collect yourself and look him deep in his eyes.

“So no, Kim Taehyung, I’m not into you anymore. But thank you for everything you taught me, and I’ll cherish the memories we had together forever.”

Taehyung nodded in understanding. You could see the gears turning in his head and you don’t blame him - this whole interaction was a lot of process.

“I get it, I think. I don’t know what we both would be like if we were still together, but I’m so proud of the person that you’ve become and I’m really happy for both of us. I know things between us are different and will never be the same, but I’m always going to be your fan.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. No matter what happened between you and Taehyung, his opinion still meant the world to you.

Grinning responsively, Taehyung continued.

“This doesn’t have to end here yknow, with whatever we are. I get that we’re not meant to be Y/N, but I’d like for us to be friends if that’s possible.” spoke Taehyung meekly, feeling shy at the admission of his request.

What Taehyung was asking for was a lot. Welcoming him back into your life seemed like a very scary situation. You didn’t know what to expect. The whole time Taehyung and you were dating, he felt like your best friend, but you’d never actually been just best friends with him. Was that even possible? Before making any choices, you left Taehyung carry on.

“Plus, the boys miss your tuna kimbap. I’ve tried copying your recipe but they yell at me for messing this up every time.”

You feigned a look of shock.

“I see your ulterior motives right now, Tae. This was all about kimbap?” you accused with a fake look of judgement.

For a second there you saw Taehyung’s face tighten up with shock and anxiety.

“No I-. Like-, Um, I just-”

“Tae, I’m joking with you. Chill out”

Taeyhung’s melodic laughter (which you desperately missed) rang through the hallway. It felt good for both of you to be joking around like this, and you almost swore the room got brighter as the tension between you two cleared.

Giving your manager a quick text to tell her you weren’t doing any more interviews tonight, you had snuck away in Taehyung’s car to drive the boys’ dorm, making a quick stop for groceries on the way.

The cheers that you heard as the boys saw you walk through that joy made your heart swell with joy. No matter what happened with you and Taehyung romantically, you knew that these seven boys were like a family to you. And families fight, families argue, and families disagree, but above all, families are always there for each other. And watching all the boys’ faces stuffed with your tuna kimbap, laughter and conversation freely flowing across the table, there was no place you’d rather be.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you liked what you read, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading♡

- Emily

138 notes · View notes

keanureevesisbae · 3 years

Text

Becky's debut novel (Sugar Sugar fic)

A/N: So, @thelastsock gave me such a great idea: a snippet of Becky's book. So I have a snippet here, including a front cover, back cover and a little dedication page (because I am extra like that 😂😂, what else do you expect from me). Hope you like it xoxo

Chapter 1

YOU ARE NOT WELCOME.

Those are the exact words that greet me when I walk up our porch to our front door. Let’s just say that my mom has a special way of welcoming her quests. I step over the slightly offensive doormat to get inside. Not a lot of people would expect this kind of welcome from the mayor, but then again: no one expected her to win the elections in our town Starfall Fields in the first way.

Not to be mean, but even I never believed in my mom and not for a second did I think she had any chance of winning. Mom has been quite the controversy the second she moved into town. How on earth would she be able to be the mayor?

Weirdly enough, she hasn’t made a complete fool out of herself in these two months she has been mayor. Actually, she’s been doing quite well. It’s just that her housekeeping skills have been lower than low.

I open the refrigerator and scrunch up my nose when I notice there is barely anything edible in here. Great.

I grab my phone and send my mom a text.

Josie: You need to do groceries

Mom: Do it yourself, you lazy bitch

Mom: Still love you though 😘

I chuckle as I read her text. She’s quite something, my mom, and if we don’t call each other bitch at least once a day, there’s something up and we should worry.

People might find it odd that we call one another bitch, but it’s just our way of showing our affection towards the other.

Somehow I find some left over yogurt that isn’t expired already. I peel a banana (to only throw half of it away, because it’s brown and squishy, therefore absolutely repulsive) and cut it into slices. I drizzle some maple syrup on top of it and want to add some raisins, but when I open the jar, I find out there is only one raisin left in it.

‘Mom,’ I whine, though she can’t hear me. ‘Really?’ This is just absolutely fantastic. After a long day at school, a girl can barely enjoy a nice little afternoon snack. I grab my bowl and walk over to the dining table. My butt barely touched the soft seating of the chair, when my best friend Andy FaceTimes me. I place the phone against the fruit bowl before I press answer. ‘What do you want?’ I ask him. ‘You literally saw me half an hour ago.’

He smiles, two dimples appearing in his full cheeks. ‘You know I can’t get enough of you, sugar.’

Andy and I have been best friends since I can remember, but that is mostly because we’ve been in the same class the moment we both stepped foot into kindergarten and we’re neighbors. We’re literally the two houses in a radius of around half a mile (yes, we took the time to measure it) and he isn’t the worst guy to hang around with.

Okay, he is the only one that doesn’t make me that angry, I have to fight the urge to claw his eyes out. I’m not gonna beat around the bush: I love hanging out with him.

While we see each other the moment we step out of our houses to go to school, share every class of the day with one another and we walk from school back to our houses, it’s hard to function without the other one. Therefore, we usually FaceTime the second we can after separating.

We’re quite the symbiotic pair.

‘Spit it out, Andy. What do you want?’ I ask.

‘I was wondering what your plans are,’ Andy says. ‘Mainly for tonight.’

I can’t help but chuckle. ‘There was a plan of me hanging on the couch, watching a movie with my best friend while we eat junk food, but your voice is telling me that you have something else in mind for the two of us.’

He nods. ‘I was thinking about you and I doing some FindUrPricing tonight.’

‘FindUrPricing is not a word, you idiot.’

‘I don’t care, miss Doyle,’ he retorts with a sassy undertone. He shakes his head, gestures I have to wait (like I’m going anywhere) and comes back into frame, this time with a tablet in his hands. ‘I have like five of these things, so what do you say? Want to bury them tonight, while we try to find something cool for it in return?’

Andy has this obsession with solving puzzles in newspapers like the old soul he is and since he is quite good and really fast, he has won multiple prizes, including multiple tablets.

‘Only if I find a diamond ring,’ I answer with my mouth full of yogurt.

‘Yeah, that’s attractive. You’ll find yourself a boyfriend in no time with those manners.’

I show him the finger. ‘I don’t need etiquette lessons from you,’ I say.

Andy sticks out his tongue. ‘Are you coming with me tonight?’ he asks me. ‘You know I need you.’

I chuckle. Andy is a disaster when it comes to being in the dark, but since FindUrPrice is just more fun at night, I have become his personal guard. ‘Okay, okay, but only if I can sleep at your place tonight. I have no idea what time my mom will be back from work.’

Andy’s parents are going to the opera’s tonight and afterwards, they’re staying in a hotel near the big city. Normally, they aren’t the type of people to go to the opera’s, but when their son wins tickets, including a stay in one of the most luxurious hotels in the area, who are they to say no?

Since I have no idea what time my mom manages to pull herself from city hall (to say she is a workaholic is an understatement), I’d rather sleep at Andy’s, then telling her we’ve been wandering on the street late at night.

Especially on a school night.

Sure, my mom knows about FindUrPrice, but she forbade me to ever do it late at night, because “you never know what can happen”. I personally think it’s not that big of a deal, since Starfall Fields is boring as hell and absolutely harmless, but my mother wouldn’t be my mother if she didn’t envision my death.

FindUrPrice is an app for the younger folks in our city and the few around. The organization hid a few gifts and presents and whenever you follow the leads and find something, you have to place something nice in return. It’s cute and me and Andy do it from time to time.

‘You’re coming over now?’ Andy asks.

‘To help you do your laundry?’ I ask, nodding towards the screen, mainly towards the enormous pile of clothes on his bed. ‘Didn’t think so. See you in a few hours, Andy.’

‘Please,’ he begs, right at the same time as I hear his mom in the background yelling for him. ‘Yes, wait a minute!’ he yells. ‘Can I live with you? I feel like your mother never pushes you to do chores around the house.’

‘That’s because I do them voluntarily. If mom doesn’t do laundry, no one does it. If mom doesn’t clean the toilet, no one does it. Believe me, with a mom who all of the sudden turns a bit blind when it comes house chores, there is more to do here than there is at your place. Don’t you dare whine about it, Andrew Carter.’

We hang up and I grab a magazine from the table, reading through some of the articles. How to painlessly bikini wax yourself, how to get rid of strawberry legs, how to get yourself a man in a week.

Geez, mom, why do you read this?

No wait, better question: mom, why haven’t you gotten yourself a man in a week? This issue is three months old.

My phone rings again and without looking I answer, since I know exactly who is calling me. ‘Andy, I’m not helping you with your laundry,’ I say. ‘Shirts, sweaters and other items for your upper body go on a hanger and the rest with clothespins on a drying rack. How many times do I have to tell you that?’

‘Thank you for this wise, yet unnecessary lesson in laundry,’ mom says and I can hear her smile in her voice. ‘But laundry is your chore, so I pretend I didn’t hear it.’

‘What do you want?’ I ask my mom.

‘Wanted to know your plans for tonight.’

‘I was planning on hanging out with Andy,’ I say. Go outside, do some FindUrPricing. ‘Watch a movie. Probably sleep at his place. He is home alone, you know how he gets.’

Mom snorts. ‘Oh, do I know. How old was he when he rang our doorbell, nearly crying because he was afraid of the dark?’

‘The last time was a few months ago,’ I chuckle. ‘Why do you want to know my plans for tonight?’

‘You know,’ mom starts and I do know. ‘There is still a lot to do here at city hall.’

‘Right,’ I say, ‘and you wanted to know whether or not I mind. Mom, I’m your daughter, I truly don’t care.’

‘I’ll make it up to you,’ she says, mostly because she is trying to feel less guilty.

And I wouldn’t be her daughter if I wasn’t going to totally exploit her sweet offer. ‘So, you’re making breakfast for me and Andy tomorrow?’

She sighs. ‘Goodness gracious, really? I’m going to pull an all nighter.’

‘You wanted to be mayor and you’re also a mother. Deal with it.’

Mom scoffs. ‘And here I was thinking I was gonna get some sympathy from my daughter.’

‘Ew never,’ I say.

‘Well, I might just make breakfast for you, only if you eat it here. I might be your chef, but I’m not a waiter and I’m certainly not gonna walk it to the Carters.’

I scoff. ‘Okay, I think I can live with that.’

‘Alright, enjoy your night, Josie and don’t make it too late okay? Ten o’clock lights out, okay?’

No. ‘Of course. Bye mom.’

I look at the picture on the dining table. Despite not being blood related, my mom and I are really close. According to Andy’s mom, it never seemed like my mom would settle down. She moved to this boring place a few years prior to finding me on her doorstep. She was thirty and didn’t have a husband (nor had any intention of settling down with anyone—she turned down a lot of men who asked her out in Starfall Fields). Even back then, she was already a workaholic and worked over time as the mayor’s assistant.

One day, when she was getting herself ready for work, she heard soft cries from her front porch and when she checked it out, there was yours truly.

I was around a year old and in the cradle, there was a note saying that whoever found me, to take good care of me. My DNA wasn’t available in any database, just like there were no matches at all.

I have no idea who I am, who my biological family is and where I’m from.

Mom adopted me, because I only felt safe with her and since that moment, we were a duo.

A year and a half ago she became the mayor and since then she is everywhere in Starfall Fields, except home. I barely see her, but she does a lot for this town and I don’t think I have the right to whine about it, especially because it means many many sleepovers with Andy and many nights wandering around the woods to play FindUrPrice.

Sure, I miss her from time to time, because she’s still my mom. From someone who was home a lot, would wait for me on the porch no matter the weather when I came back from school and had chocolate pie ready for me and Andy, she changed to a real career woman who is everywhere in town.

But that’s okay, she’s happy and when she is, I am too. I should be, especially after everything she has done for me.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill x becky kim #becky kim #asian ofc #sugar daddy!henry cavill #sugar sugar #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fanfic #becky kim is an author

56 notes · View notes

littlemisslipbalm · 4 years

Text

“you get me” (famous!y/n x harry)

Famous!y/n x Harry Styles

First Harry fic so please be kind, but feedback is SUPER appreciated

Initially inspired by the picture of Harry leaving the Gucci store with 15 bags but barely has anything to do with that lol

Definitely thought of Ellen for the interview idk why tho - also I struggle with writing Harry’s dialogue because I really want to get it right, but hopefully the more practice I get, the better/more natural it will sound. ALSO i have like no music or music industry background lol. Somewhat proofread, but its 2:30 am so it could be shit

Fluff!

Warnings: maybe some angst over being famous per say, past loneliness

Word Count: 3.7k literally howwww, i’m going to do a pt. 2 though because it was kind of a long set up and feelingsssss

---

Interviewer: Please, welcome our next guest, a woman who’s sure to have her name written up beside the music greats someday, Ms. Y/N L/N!

You can’t contain the grin that spreads to your face as you carry yourself out onto the stage and see the audience cheering for you. It was your third big interview since your first album had been released and you’d seen your fame skyrocket over night. This being the third one this week meant you’d gotten comfortable getting asked questions, but you also weren’t bored of it yet. It was exhilarating being the center of attention, especially for something that had been your life’s work up until this point. You always had to fight for whatever you got and the recognition you were starting to have was reassurance that you hadn’t been a fool to risk a safe and certain life for your dreams.

The interview begins as the rest had, a few pleasantries, how you were feeling, and then the introduction of the album. The host asked you what your inspiration was for some of the songs and the album name and cover. You loved to talk about the music, it was the whole reason you were there. The meaning, the sound, the name, it all meant so much to you and you talked about how music can be interpreted differently by everyone and even the shifts in someone’s mood can change a song’s meaning, but what it meant to you at the time of writing was always something specific. You practiced those answers in the mirror before the interviews because they were important to you and you didn’t want your words on your art to ever be misconstrued. The host then complimented your style and you were at the point where you thought your interview should be wrapping up when they asked you one more question, and it threw you for a loop.

Interviewer: So Y/N, we’ve been hearing some rumblings around, about you and another famous musician, Mr. Harry Styles. Anything going on there?

Your face heated up, you hadn’t been expecting a personal question about possible relationships. Nothing like this had been asked of you at your previous interviews. It’s about the music, the art, and who you were, it’s always about that and nothing more. To be honest, you were a bit annoyed the host had chosen to stray from those topics. You didn’t care for the celebrity side of being a famous musician, the lack of privacy, the prying eyes of media and the general public. They saw enough of you through your art, you bore your soul through music why did they want to peak into your heart as well?

Y/N: I don’t know if I’d rather be with Harry Styles or actually be Harry Styles. Like, he’s literally such an icon, I want to be able to walk out of a Gucci store after spending hours there with 15 bags full of my purchases and helpers to carry it all out c’mon… He’s also an amazing songwriter, musician, and performer, of course. Didn’t mean to sound superficial, but I’d also love to own even half of his closet.

You hadn’t really answered the question, but the audience laughed and the host obviously got the hint that you weren’t interested in fanning any flames of romance with Harry Styles or anyone else. For one, you didn’t even know the man, but you had always been a loving fan of his. You cited him as one of your role models when you were first starting to try and break into the music world. Second, if you did know him, that wouldn’t be an appropriate topic for your album press junket going on, even if it meant more publicity because of Harry’s big celebrity status. The host decided to qualify their original question with a final sentiment.

Interviewer: I totally feel the same way! I only ask because the outpouring of support you’ve received seems to be from similar groups who also follow Harry. Many have been comparing your sound to his solo career work.

Y/N: Ah...well that’s very kind of people to say. He’s definitely a big inspiration, his creativity and drive is incredible. I’d love to be as successful as him someday.

The interview ended. You and the host shook hands and you waved and sent kisses to the crowd before retreating backstage. You were exhausted, but happy. You hoped to avoid anymore stressful interview questions that didn’t truly revolve around music. Of course, life is never that simple.

One month later

You had done countless more interviews and talk shows as promo for your album and the buzz around it had continued to grow. Your fame continued to rise as well and that one question you had dodged at your third interview had come back around to bite you, naturally. Daily Mail’s dumb headline read: “Y/N can’t decide! Date Harry Styles or Steal His Closet?” The Sun was also running with your response and miscontruing it completely, something about how you were madly in love with Harry but jealous of his designer partnerships, you couldn’t even stomach reading the garbage. This was your worst nightmare. Not only was it taking away the focus from your album, but you were also sure this dumb gossip had reached the very set of ears that the gossip was allegedly also about.

You had signed with Columbia Records for your first album, the same record label as Harry Styles, so managers had been in contact with one another about the whole fiasco trying to get the actual truth - which was that the two of you didn’t even know each other and there were no problems whatsoever. Your manager also brought along the good news that Harry had actually listened to your album and loved it, “He said ‘Congratulations’ by the way, loved the sound. Said he’d heard you were very music focused and be open to do some mentoring on songwriting and vocal specifics, if you wanted. It’d have to be in private though, obviously.” She had added the last bit, but you understood why. To have the opportunity to discuss your music with one of your longtime role models, heroes even, was beyond anything you could have imagined coming from your album’s success. And it made the drama all the more palatable because now you at least got to talk to Harry like the media was so adamantly saying you were doing already.

You nodded quickly and agreed, while trying to keep your teenage fangirl excitement hidden below your mature now-famous musician facade. Like you said, Harry was your hero, he’d been your hero since you were in middle school and had Up All Night downloaded on your iPod touch, blasting it as loud as possible, sound hitting your poster-filled walls. You weren’t the same girl as you were then, obviously, you had grown up to be a strong, independent, and confident woman. But, you still smiled at the thought of your younger self with your baby face squealing in the nosebleeds at the Take Me Home Tour (where you swore Harry had looked straight at you) and her seeing you now, dressed in a sleek outfit setting up an appointment to meet with Harry to discuss your first album, a success.

The next Thursday evening

You took a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your pursed lips. You were anxious and excited at the exact same time. Your meeting with Harry was tonight, right now actually, and you hadn’t been able to think about much else since your manager had confirmed the meeting last week. She got you the details a couple of days ago, the location: his house in Malibu, the time: 5:45 P.M. You had brought along a copy of your album on vinyl because you thought it sounded best this way, second only to performing it live.

Choosing your outfit for tonight was probably the toughest decision you’d ever made, harder than choosing between an education and following your dreams, harder than choosing your favorite Beatles song. You didn’t want to worry so much, this wasn’t a date you kept reminding yourself, but everything you tried on earlier kept having something wrong with it, too dressy, too boring, too ‘not yourself’. You had settled for these blue high-waisted pants that you’d worn to your first ever podcast interview, a thin black long sleeve, and a brown leather coat that fell below your hips with vans sneakers, casual, simple, yet still true to you and your vibe.

You raised your free arm and formed a fist, hesitant to knock, as if you’d damage Harry’s seemingly perfect Malibu beachfront home by knocking too hard on the wooden front door. You waited a few moments and could here some shuffling behind the door, some incoherent words were seemingly said, but the walls muffled them before they could reach for ears. Soon enough, Harry Styles in the flesh was before you. He beamed down at you, huffing, slightly out of breath as if he had been clear across the house when you knocked. His strong figure towered above your far smaller stature. He was hanging onto the door since he had opened it only slightly. “Hello, Y/N?” he greeted and questioned simultaneously. “Hi,” you responded and extended the same hand that had just rapped against his now open door. He gripped it, ushering you into his home, “Come in, come in, it’s nice to meet you, don’t want you to catch a cold now do we?” He took note of your strong handshake and ring clad fingers.

He walked you into an area between the kitchen and a sitting area. The kitchen was open aside from a bar high top between the two rooms. You sat down at his prompting and made yourself comfortable. “I brought my record on vinyl, sounds best in my opinion, otherwise I’d recommend seeing it live,” you laughed as you handed the vinyl to him and took off your coat. “Technically, y’know, I could hear it live right now, if you were willin’ f’course,” Harry had responded over his shoulder as he placed the vinyl by his idle record player, “Anything to drink?” “Just water for me, please.” His accent was even stronger in person, especially since he had moved back to London and seldomly stayed in California, except for business and quick trips. As far as you knew, he had already been here on business for the week and was able to pencil you in.

You two settled in, with your waters, seated at the bar top beside each other, but swivelling the chairs to face one another more. Again, you were overwhelmed with the reality of the situation, sitting beside Harry Styles as professionals, peers even. He had heard your work and liked it enough to want to discuss it with you. It was a day you never thought would come to pass. He started off not by asking about the music right away, but about how you were doing with the whirlwind that stardom is. “How are you, Y/N? It’s been somewhat of a out of the frying pan into the fire kind of moment for you?” He stared at you intently, caring to hear your answer.

You couldn’t help but chuckle again and contain your smile, “Thank you for asking, Harry. Yeah, its been definitely stressful, but it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more so the good is still outweighing any bad. Definitely, fucking exhausted though, dunno how many more interviews I can do before my jaw goes completely rigid from talking so much.” It’s Harry’s turn to laugh, his eyes shone with intrigue at what you said and how you said it. You were gorgeous, but it was how your hands helped you through what you were trying to say and the small laughs you tried to keep in while you amused yourself with your words that really made him want to hear you talk all night long.

He agreed about how the promo junket for an album can get tedious and tiresome, but also the absolute fulfillment you get from people loving the music you’ve made. The two of you chatted about surface level personal matters for a little more, but quickly moved to the music. “I took a listen a couple weeks after the album was released. I especially loved the last track. It reminded me so much of a song I never released, actually…” he trailed off.

Your final track had been a ballad, an homage to George Harrison with your use of guitar and sitar, but the lyrics were a story based off of a poem you had written one night in high school. It surrounded a girl never feeling quite good enough for the person she wanted to be with and how it happened everytime, everytime she was ready to giver herself to someone, they were always closed off. Of course it held some truth to your own life and feelings, but you wrote this girl as someone with a seemingly perfect life - when yours was obviously far from any semblance of perfection.

You wondered what Harry’s song would have sounded like, had it been about a seemingly perfect girl or a guy with a seemingly perfect life, always giving himself to the wrong person and getting destroyed by that very fact because he was impatient as the girl in your song had been. “Can I ask, how so? How’d it remind you of your own song, the words or the music?” “Oh, the story, I felt like that for a time in my life and I like to be vulnerable in my songs because it helps me process, but listening to it back has always been too painful. Could never release that or perform it, it’d wreck me.” You nodded, you completely got where he was coming from. You noticed his downcast eyes and his somber tone, you knew not to push it any further.

It was quiet and you decided it’d be okay to take his hand resting between the two of you. “Harry, I understand,” your sincerity spilled into the words, filling the quiet house, “It’s not easy. Feeling that way. Thinking you’re the only goddamn one and why the fuck does it always happen to you? I used to ask my ceiling ‘why me?’ every night of high school” you smiled then. “But you know how it is,” you rubbed your thumb over his large warm hand and he lifted his head, “it gets so much better - c’mon look at us now! It can get hard, too, all this, I’m sure. But our lives? They’re amazing!” He beamed as he had when he had first seen you at his door and when you’d first really spoke. He moved his hand from under your palm to weave your fingers with his, both of your hands with covered in rings and they clinked to fit together, finally resting perfectly fitted. He shook your two hands up and down, “God, you’re so right! That damn song, m’sorry always puts me in a mood,” he shakes his head, “not yours though, f’course, s’lovely, better than my sodding song” he finishes quickly.

After that, the mood lightened right back up. It filled you with such appreciation for Harry that he would trust you so much with such a personal detail since you two had just met. But maybe, he had trusted you because he had felt that same spark between you. It wasn’t necessarily a romantic spark, but it was obvious the two of you were kindred spirits. Besides your album, the two of you talked about everything. You loved the same bands, movies and books, you both loved to cook and had similar fashion taste, you even had the same person type - something you found out late into the night.

At the end of the Side B of your album, Harry switched to a Bill Evans record that had ‘Peace Piece’ on it. You loved that song. So did he. “So...planning to raid my closet?” Harry raised his brows from the record player and walked back to you. You almost sputtered the water in your mouth. Luckily, you got it down. “Pardon?” “All that bad press the two of us have been getting...I watched the interview that kind of ignited the tabloids. You’re obviously not used to those overstepping personal questions.” You nodded. “It’s fine, even if you’d completely shut it down, the tabloids probably would have picked it up still, they snap up anything and everything, true or not.” You softened at his reassurance. You hadn’t expected Harry to bring the interview up, but you were sure he wasn’t happy about it, he was so private, especially about his love life. “Thanks, I’m sorry I tried to laugh it off, kind of made it worse, didn’t I?” “No! Thought it was hilarious and I totally appreciated the sentiment. Little ol’me, an icon? And an amazing artist? All I gotta do is watch that clip and I’ve fed my narcissistic side for the week!” You giggled and replied slyly, “So does that mean I can raid your closet? As compensation, of course.” Harry threw his head back in an all consuming laughter, when he’d composed himself he looked in your eyes again and said, “You just...God, you get me.”

Harry had continued to put records on throughout the night, diligently flipping sides and asking for requests, he of course had an extensive collection. The two of you had moved onto his plush couch that looked out his french doors to the beautiful ocean view. Finally, your exhaustion caught up to you, mid-Harry describing his latest travel fiasco, you glanced up at the clock. You gasped. Harry stopped. “When did it get to be half 12?” you questioned almost incredulously, “I’ve gotta get home, Harry, but this has been truly amazing, more than I could have asked for, so thank you.” Your speech began to rush as you started to get up and gather your things, that had slowly scattered as you’d gotten more comfortable, jacket by the table, shoes around the back of the couch, your phone forgotten somewhere in the couch. You couldn’t believe you’d spent almost seven hours just talking with Harry Styles.

Harry quickly stood up from his relaxed positioned on the couch and asked if you were alright to drive this late. You scoffed, “Oh please, I’ve driven around at 3 am before, I just have to turn up the music and I can cruise.” He smiled, “This was great, Y/N, I know we didn’t really go super in depth into your writing process, but I’d love to write with you sometime or just hang out again f’course. Your seriously talented and obviously a wonderful person.” He didn’t include that he felt like he’d never met anyone like you, never met someone so perfectly matched to himself, in passions but also in work ethic and demeanor - compassionate yet confident. He felt like you got him perfectly and he got you. You had stopped your scramble to gather yourself and now you were both smiling at one another.

This had really been an unforgettable night, you couldn’t believe how well you two had meshed, like childhood friends reconnecting after years apart. “Can I give yeh a hug before you go?” Harry’s voice had grown raspier as the night had progressed. He had grown rather tired an hour ago, but had pushed through because they had been having so much fun and you hadn’t noticed his physical fading or the time, obviously. You stepped toward him and his large tattooed arms enveloped you into his body. His body truly dwarfed yours now as he held you to his chest. You both were warm and soft. He tucked his head on top of yours that rested on his chest. Your arms were loosely resting where his back met his waist because you would have had to strain to get them to encircle him. His arms rested around your small frame. “Love your jacket,” he mumbled into your hair. His rough voice was quiet, but the house was silent otherwise, Tusk Side C had finished around when you had noticed the time. The embrace lasted long, but it felt so amazing you had a hard time pulling yourself away, but you had to get back home.

“G’night Harry” you said softly at the threshold of his home. He had insisted on walking you to the front door at least, since you had declined his offer to walk you out to your car on the street. “G’night. Safe travels.”

You got in your car and headed to your apartment in the city. You didn’t bother digging for your phone so you turned on the radio and drove home singing whatever came on, including your own song at one point. The whole time you drove with a grin. Harry was the nicest person you’d ever met and you were confident that the two of you were friends now. As you pulled into your parking garage it dawned on you why you hadn’t connected your phone immediately when you got in your car. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” you put the car in park and rested your palms in the depressions of your eyesockets, over your closed eyelids, and rubbed hard. “Fuck!” It was far too late to drive back out to Malibu for your phone and you obviously couldn’t text Harry that you’d left your phone at his place, despite the two of you exchanging numbers during the night for future hang outs, so they didn’t have to be arranged through your managers, like playdates. Even if he found your phone between the cushions, he couldn’t drop it at your place in the morning because he didn’t know your address. This was a whole mess, you thought. You’d have to drive over in the morning and hope he was still there or email your manager from your computer. The former meant you got to see Harry sooner and likely your phone, too.

part 2

@berrynarrybanana

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #har #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fan fic #I DID IT #I sat down and wrote it #and it took forever #and I need to write a second part but I made something coherent #one direction fanfiction #not my gifs #my writing #I love you h #you get me #my writings

910 notes · View notes

kingreywrites · 3 years

Text

Our Paint Chips Away

Fandom: Tangled

Word Count: 2865

New Dream Appreciation Week Day Seven: Memories

Summary: In the aftermath of Pascal running away from home, Eugene can't sleep. He keeps thinking about seeing the tower again, for the first time since... since it all went down. He also keeps thinking about the way Rapunzel went inside alone, and how he hadn't been sure he could have followed her in if she asked.

Note: this story is a coda to Pascal’s story!! not sure it fits the prompt but when am i ever afgsgdh it’s very late because inspiration struck me uh... very late too, but i hope you’ll still enjoy it!! this week was amazing, thanks to @gleamful-lanterns and @autumn-ravenclaw for organising it!! <3

Read on ao3

The day Pascal ran away, Eugene saw the tower again for the first time in more than half a year. Rapunzel did, too. It was way more difficult for her than it could ever be for him, because the tower had been her home and her prison for eighteen long years, and he knew it, he knew that she needed all the support he could give. His heart broke when she stumbled back, her voice trembling, but she had always been brave, and she raised herself up again, ready to confront her worst nightmare. She needed to go up there alone, and he was worried, of course he was, but he also felt incredibly proud, because she was the most courageous person he knew, and he admired her more than anyone.

More than himself, for sure.

Because the thing was, he shouldn't be scared. Or a little maybe, but certainly not more than her. After all, he hadn't even spent the equivalent of a whole day in this tower and like, the whole death thing had lasted for what, thirty minutes tops? If Rapunzel could find the courage in herself to brave the tower, he should too.

But he couldn't. His stomach was twisting on itself as he held Rapunzel close to him, and his hands were trembling, and his throat was so dry he worried the girls could hear it as he tried weakly to make light of the situation. He didn't want to be here. And when Rapunzel said she was going in alone, the relief in his heart might as well have been poison for how sick it made him feel. He should... He should have tried to help her, but he couldn't.

If she had asked him to come with her inside, would he have been able to?

The question started to haunt him as soon as he sat on Maximus to wait, hoping the horse couldn't feel how jittery he was. It haunted him for the entire time she was inside, and he couldn't see what was happening to her, couldn't know if everything was okay. It haunted him as he tried his hardest not to look to the spot where he knew Gothel fell, where he remembered digging a shallow grave with Rapunzel to bury what was left of the woman she thought to be her mother for most of her life. (It was nothing more than folded clothes, and some ashes, but they had tried their best.)

It kept haunting him even when she came back down, with Pascal in her hands, looking emotional but happy and safe. He held her tightly on the ride back, hoping to bring her comfort just as much as he was trying to ignore the dread still sitting heavy on his chest.

This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous.

Because even when Rapunzel went to sleep, still giving all her attention to Pascal because the little guy deserved it, Eugene couldn’t shake his own uneasiness. His mind kept going back to the tower, and to that door he hadn’t been able to cross, despite wanting to. If Rapunzel had needed help, would he have been able to go up there? Was he really so much of a coward that some bad memories were enough to stop him from supporting the love of his life when she most needed it?

Eugene couldn't sleep. He… He wanted to think that he could have overcome his fears if the situation called for it, but the fact was - he didn't.

Before he could think better of it, Eugene pushed his cover off abruptly, and got up. He put on his clothes quickly, and laced his shoes with trembling hands. He- he needed to prove to himself that he could do it. It was even better that way, he rationalised; he could come to terms with whatever was troubling him without bothering anyone, especially not Rapunzel. He'd go in the tower, see that it was no big deal, and come back to the castle before the sun was up.

Flawless plan, no doubt.

It wasn't too hard finding a horse that was neither Max nor Fidella, and the path to the tower was burnt into his mind. He hadn't expected to go there earlier, and the surprise had made him fumble with his words as his heart sank, but he was ready now. He was ready, and so it made no sense for his pulse to get faster, or for his hands to clench tighter around the reins. He was…

He was fine. He repeated that to himself, as he dismounted the horse, and came face to face with the tower again, heart in his throat. Vaguely, he noticed that he had never seen the tower at night - he had truly not been here long enough for that to happen. That was all the more reason to not be scared, he told himself, trying to ignore how menacing it seemed, looming over him with the moonlight shining down on it.

He could do this. He should do this, just to show he could, and that was it. Just in and out, no one would have to know, and he could sleep in peace that night.

So why was he stuck in front of the door? His right hand laid flat on the cold stones of the tower, and he felt frozen in place, heartbeat echoing loudly in his head. He had gone down this way once, after he- after Rapunzel brought him back. He had been on those stairs, and he hadn’t cared, because he was too worried about Rapunzel's state of mind to be scared of a tower… So why was he now?

The chilly air of the night made him shudder. He clenched his jaw tightly.

"Okay," he muttered, "in and out, I'm just going in and out."

Eugene took a step. Then another. The stairs were dark, the walls covered in moss, and it all smelled of dust. This was an abandoned tower, which couldn't hurt him, and he just had to get over it.

Rapunzel hadn't put back the panel blocking the entry. Eugene climbed up easily, and there he was.

In the tower. For the first time since-

Shaking his head, Eugene started to dust off his clothes, before surveilling the room around him. He hadn't spent a lot of time within these walls, and yet they were sickeningly familiar, even in the darkness.

Around him, still on the floor, was Rapunzel's hair. The one he had-

Before he could try to stop himself, his eyes traveled to the window, and to the staircase where the- the chains that had held him were lying broken, just like they had left them. They hadn't known what to do with them back then. He had still been dizzy, though it was more from fear than blood loss, and Rapunzel had been scared and lost and… They had just left, without looking back.

He took a trembling step towards it. He was alive, he repeated to himself. He was alive, Rapunzel had saved him, and this was simply a place, nothing more. He had no reason to be scared, because he was alive and-

He still remembered how cold he had been, barely able to hold himself up as his own blood coated his side.

Eugene felt himself pale at the memory, and he stumbled back ungracefully, wavering in place as he tried to stay on his feet. He was- he was stupid, this was just a tower, and he- Rapunzel had surmounted it, and he needed to- to-

He had backed himself to the other side of the room. The side right across from the window, the… The side where Rapunzel had been held in chains, fighting to get free as her screams for him were muffled by-

This time, when Eugene tried to get away unsteadily, he tripped on his own feet and fell down heavily. His breathing was loud, and he knew he was well and truly pathetic. This was Rapunzel's tower. The place where she had suffered for eighteen years, trapped with the woman who called herself her mother. And despite the pain and the fear she undoubtedly faced, Rapunzel went up here, and she was fine. Definitely shaken up, but fine.

So why couldn't he be?

He knew she was stronger than he had ever been. She showed it everyday, when she overcame challenges after challenges, while staying optimistic even through the bad times. Eugene simply… He simply wanted to know that she could count on him, even in the hardest moments. He wanted to be able to stay at her side if she asked, no matter the place. But here he was, sitting defeated on the ground, because a few memories made him so tense he trembled.

Eugene closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. He just- he was… He needed to get a hold of himself. He needed to move on from this, because everyone thought he did already, and he- he- well, Rapunzel knew he still struggled sometimes, with the nightmares and the memories, but he needed to be fine, he…

He was scared.

His nails were biting into his palms. He opened his eyes slowly, looking down at the wall to avoid looking at anything that might make him panic again, when he saw it.

The small, uncertain lines of a drawing obviously made by a kid. The scribble was messy, but it was easy to recognise who it was supposed to be - a girl with long blond hair and a smile too big for her face.

Rapunzel.

Slowly, he moved closer, his hand brushing the wood faintly. She had to have been… so young, when she did this. Nowhere near the artist she was now, but with as much joy and imagination, trying to create something to express it. There was a little sun next to the drawing, its rays uneven. It was so easy, to imagine a small, maybe five or six years old Rapunzel, doodling away with a smile on her face.

Eugene let his eyes wander softly on these walls. He got up again, still feeling numb, his gaze going up to more refined drawings, with different styles and quality as Rapunzel experimented. No matter what, though, they were always bright and sunny. There were plants, and birds, and so many Rapunzels smiling and laughing, their hair flowing with an invisible wind.

Each painting, each stroke, hid a part of Rapunzel within it. It was her, so young still, scribbling a sun with too many branches, remembering without knowing the kingdom that was missing her dearly. It was her, growing up, painting flowers upon flowers even though she could barely see some of them through her window, imagining a world she wasn't allowed to live in. It was her, charting the stars on her wall, a painting he could only slightly see in the darkness, but knew was here because she had told him of much time and patience she had needed for that.

He couldn't even see half of it from where he was, but already, he had gotten a glimpse into the world that was hers not too long ago. And… And he was still scared. He still couldn't look at the exact spot where he died, not when there was nothing here to do but think about it.

But, as he was gently tracing the contours of a little Rapunzel, looking longingly at a bird flying next to her, Eugene felt a small smile forming on his lips. This tower was full of memories. Some were painful. Some were not. It was the place that Rapunzel turned into her world, while she waited to be allowed into the real one. It was the place where she grew up, braver and kinder than anyone could have been in her situation. It was also the place where he met her, completely thrown by this determined girl with a lot of hair and a frying pan she wasn't afraid to use. It was a place full of memories, yes, but these memories were hers - these memories were theirs, and there was nothing about Rapunzel that Eugene could hate.

This tower hadn't been their ending. It had been their beginning. Rapunzel's beginning. And Eugene was still eager to leave, hoping to never come back again, but he had his answer now.

For her, he would brave anything.

------

There was a soft knock at her door. Rapunzel nearly didn't hear it - she had been asleep, after all, and had a pretty long and tiring day before that, so she could have missed it really easily… but she didn't. Opening her heavy eyes slowly, she sat up, careful to not wake up Pascal at her side. It was still night, but the sky was getting clearer, so the sun had to be coming up soon.

"Yes?" she whispered, unsure that the person behind her door would hear it.

The door opened to a crack, and Eugene poked his head through.

"Eugene?"

"Hi, uh…" he trailed off, looking embarrassed. She waved him closer, faintly concerned because Eugene never seeked her during the night. He shuffled forward, and she noticed he wasn't wearing his night outfit - had he even slept yet?

"What's wrong?" she asked softly, glancing down to make sure Pascal was still sleeping as she straightened up. "Are you- Did you have a nightmare?"

Usually, she was the one knocking at his door because of them. She knew he had some too, but he always tried to keep them to himself, so the fact that he was here, avoiding her gaze, immediately made her more alert.

"Something like that, I guess... I- I needed you," he admitted in a breath, something indescriptible in his eyes as he finally met hers. "Sorry, I-"

"Come here," she said, patting the empty space to her right. He didn't even protest, instead coming to sit next to her, throwing a glance at Pascal too to make sure the little guy wasn't bothered. Eugene was more thoughtful that he admitted, and she loved him for it - though right now, she was more worried about what was bothering him.

He looked at her, his eyes soft, and full of an emotion she couldn't name. Before she could ask him again if something was wrong, he gently brought her into a hug, and she held him back tightly against her.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, "please don't worry, I just…"

"Needed to see me?" she finished softly. He nodded. "Okay," she whispered, before adding: "You can sleep here if you want."

He hesitated a little, and nodded again. It was a little awkward, but they both shuffled under the covers, one of her hands in his and the other resting on his chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe not right now," he murmured after a while, gaze wandering to her walls. "Did I ever tell you I loved the mural you painted?"

"Yes," she smiled, her eyes still on him. "You always compliment my paintings." She didn't say that she was still surprised, sometimes, that he did. Gothel had nothing against her paintings as long as it didn't inconvenience her, but she also never encouraged it, or even told Rapunzel she was good at it. Having someone in her life genuinely appreciate her creations always made her heart flutter.

"Do you plan to do more? Like…" His free hand vaguely gestured at her still blank ceiling. "That part?"

"I… Yes, I think so. I simply… I want it to mean something," she whispered. "In the tower, I painted every little things that came to mind. Birds, flowers, pretty dresses… Painting helped me feel better when I was lonely, or scared." He was looking at her again, now. His eyes were shining in the darkness. "But now, painting isn't my only source of freedom," she grinned, squeezing his hand tighter, "and I want… I want my room to be full of meaningful memories for me. Things that I can look up to and be proud to have lived through, if that makes sense."

"It does," he breathed, pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I still haven't figured out what it'll be," she admitted, caressing the side of his jaw, "but I know already that you will be there for all these new memories."

His eyes widened, before he softened again, looking way more comfortable and sleepy than when he first came in. "I can't wait," he whispered, voice full of emotions.

"I can't either," she whispered back, slowly brushing his hair away as he relaxed.

It had been a difficult day for both of them, she knew. Eugene joked a lot when he was scared, and she… She was glad he came to her, in the end. She was glad he was there with her when she needed him, and she could do the same thing when he needed her. Looking up at the blank space she still needed to fill, she knew that, no matter what, she would treasure all the new memories she made with him.

She really couldn't wait.

#tangled #Eugene Fitzherbert #Rapunzel #tangled the series #New Dream Appreciation Week

73 notes · View notes

xpao-bearx · 3 years

Text

Part 1 HERE

NOTE: OMG I really wasn't expecting for the previous first part of Heavenly Sins to blow up as it did, but I just wanted to give a huuuge THANK YOU to all of you amazing folks!! 🥰🥰🥰 Your support truly means so fooken much to trashy ol' meh and y'all are the reason I am writing this story series in the first place :')

I do have my ideas, but I still don't know much yet of what to do or even how long (or short) this story will get. So, if you would continue to give me your mindblowing support, it would seriously mean the W O R L D.

I do, however, very much enjoy writing Negan in particular so far. He's one of my absolute fave characters ever and JEFFREY DEAN FUCKIN' MORGAN NEED I SAY MOAR?!? 🥵💕💕

But this second part will be focusing a bit more on our beloved sheriff Ricky boi! Of course, Daryl will also get some much deserved love and attention tho I think he will appear in the story a lil later on.

Also, if you ever feel compelled, you are more than welcome to take some inspo from this story and make your own imagines and such! I'd love to see 'em, so please tag me 😁

P.S. There won't always be long ass notes like this, only if I wanna say something or bring up whatever is important. Also, if you wanna be tagged on any new/future story parts, then just tell moi and I will dedicate the latest one to the people who wanted to be tagged!

DEDICATED TO: The wonderful @buttercandy16 💖

"Heavenly Sins"

Part 2

After your little spiel, you haven't spoken to Negan since then. But on the way home after church, you passed by his house and found him tinkering away on his motorcycle (which you previously learned he interestingly named Lucille) in the garage. Not being able to help yourself, you paused in your tracks and just curiously watched him for a while.

His leather jacket was off, revealing a plain white t-shirt. The shirt was quite tight, and you noted how it perfectly hugged the taut muscles of his chest. Your eyes then slowly trailed to his toned arms, adorned by tattoos you wished you had a better look at. He stopped briefly, placing his tools down before grabbing the hem of his shirt and wiping the sweat on his forehead.

You didn't even think twice as your eyes dropped, hyperfocused on his abs. He wasn't the buffest guy out there, but he was lean and fit and--to put it bluntly--hot. A part of you screamed bloody murder to get a grip on yourself, to just turn your stiff body around and proceed on home. But another part completely squashed down those protests without even a fight; as if your pathetic excuse of a resolve wasn't even meant in the first place.

"Take a goddamn picture, darlin'. It'll last longer."

Your head snapped up, meeting the tantalizing hazel stare of Negan. His lips were curled in a smug smirk, and nevermore in your entire life have you wanted to both slap and kiss someone so badly.

But you only clicked your tongue, shooting him a sharp glare before (at last!) turning and walking away as you hid your blush. In the distance, his amused chuckle begrudgingly sounded like the sweetest fucking music to your ears.

♡♡♡

You woke up at 7:05 a.m. like you typically did the next morning, Monday. It was the dawn of a new week, and while most people dreaded it you actually didn't mind it so much. You had your job to thank for that.

Sure, it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it in the end. You loved teaching and spending time with the children, and you were even more ecstatic since you knew Judith was going to be at the daycare.

As you finished eating breakfast and preparing for the day, you grabbed your bag then went out the door. You opted to walk again today, the weather far too beautiful to miss plus the daycare really wasn't that far away.

Eventually arriving at your destination, you approached the daycare building's doors with a little spring in your step. Once inside, a young woman with her blonde hair high in a ponytail smiled and waved.

"Hi, Y/N! Goodmorning!" Beth Greene greeted energetically.

"Morning, Beth." You chuckled, the girl's radiant smile infectious. You've known Beth for some time now, especially since the Greenes were one of the oldest families in Alexandria and they were well respected. But you got along best with Beth, you thought she was the friendliest and she was also the latest hire of the daycare.

Stashing your bag away in your personal locker, you fixed yourself up a bit before getting your nametag and sticking it on your top. Looking up at the wall clock, you read that it was 7:50 a.m. Perfect, just in time for the kids' drop-offs.

You waited outside with Beth and the rest of the daycare workers, until finally the parents started rolling in. It was the usual; some of the children were wailing, snot snivelling down their nose as their embarrassed parents tried to tug them away from clinging onto their legs. You could only offer a sympathetic smile as you tried to help, while other children were much more relaxed and didn't even spare a second glance at their parents as they were dropped off.

"Well, that's about all of them." Beth piped up.

"Wait, we're still waiting for Judith." You said, searching for the toddler. "Rick said she'd be here."

Beth checked her watch, her brows creasing a little in worry. "That's odd. Sheriff Grimes is never late when he's dropping Judith off."

Just as she said that, there was a honk that disrupted the peace. You and Beth both spotted a crying Judith being held by Lori, the woman appearing utterly exhausted before her eyes locked with yours and didn't waste another second dashing towards you.

"Please don't run when you're holding Judith. Also, no honking is allowed on the premises." It was hard for you to keep the malice out of your voice, but you mentally gave yourself a pat on the back since you miraculously managed to not make it sound the worst it could get.

Lori raised a brow at you, but only handed Judith over to you. Judith immediately quieted down when she saw it was you, you cooing gently at her as she giggled and snuggled up comfortably against your chest.

"Rick will be picking her up later." Was all Lori said, pressing a quick peck on Judith's curly little head before parting ways. As Lori rushed back to the car, you saw Shane in the driver's seat shamelessly attack her neck with fervent kisses and you couldn't restrain an eyeroll.

"Fucking bitch..." You grumbled.

"Uh-oh. Bad!" Judith giggled again, clapping her hands gleefully.

"Right, right. Bad. Don't copy me, okay?" You laughed, completely forgetting about your aggravation as you rubbed your nose with Judith's and went inside.

♡♡♡

The rest of the day rolled along splendidly. No one threw a tantrum and for the most part, all the kids properly shared the wide assortment of toys and even did their activities orderly and on time. So, you decided to indulge them with a small yet much sought after reward.

Painting.

When it comes down to children, painting can be utter chaos. But you figured since they were being so good, you'd allow it. At the daycare you worked in, painting was quite a rare occurrence and that only solidified how much the kids adored it.

Once the materials were set out, it was a dizzying flurry of excited hands grabbing anything it could latch on to. As the kids went about doing their creative business, you found Judith all alone sitting in the corner playing around with some blocks.

"Whatcha doin' there, Judi?" You asked, sweetly calling out her nickname. "You don't wanna paint?"

"I wanna, but not with papers." She replied, shaking her head.

"Oh? Then where do you wanna paint?"

"I wanna paint on faces, but no one wants me to!"

"If that's the case, then I'd be more than happy to let you paint my face." You smiled.

"Really?!" Judith's whole face lit up, jumping up and wrapping her tiny arms around you as tightly as she could. "Thank youuu!"

You chuckled, ruffling her hair and watching as she happily gathered some paint and brushes.

♡♡♡

It was finally the end of a long day, and your face felt a bit itchy from the paint Judith put on you. But it didn't matter; as long as the little girl was happy, it was the best damn day ever.

You were holding Judith's hand as you waited outside for Rick to pick her up, and once he came up with his car Judith beamed.

"Daddy!"

"Hello, sweetheart. Did you have a nice day?" His face looked tired, his greying beard making him appear slightly older than he really was, but his smile was genuine as he carried Judith in his strong arms.

"The bestest! Y/N lemme paint her face!"

"She did, huh? What did you pai--oh my god."

You bursted into laughter at his reaction, flashing him a toothy grin. "In the words of Judi: You're a pretty tiger! Grr!"

"Now that you mention it, I can see it." Rick joined in your laughter, nodding his head. "Looks like we've got a talented lil artist in our hands!"

"Daddy, I wanna paint your face next! You can be daddy tiger and Y/N can be mommy!" Judith proclaimed.

You and Rick flushed pink at the same exact time, but Rick was quick to clear his throat and change the topic. "A-Anyways, Y/N, how 'bout me and the kids give you a ride? Thank you for today, by the way."

"No problem, and sure! Thanks so much."

As you settled in the passenger's seat, two hands covered your eyes from behind. "Guess who~?"

"Hmm..." You hummed, making a show of thinking. "Are you an elf?"

"No!" The hands were removed, Carl popping his head out from the backseat to look at you as he laughed. "It's me!"

"Oh, sorry! You're just so short, I thought you were an elf." You teased good naturedly.

Carl huffed, sticking his tongue out at you. "Y'know, in a few years, I'll be way taller than you!"

Once Rick was done buckling Judith into her carseat, he took his place in the driver's seat and drove out of the premises. You just talked about anything that came to mind: work, the weather, Alexandria's local shops, etc. To anyone else, maybe it seemed like regular boring conversation. But speaking with Rick was truly one of the highlights of any of your days. He was extremely easy to talk to, and he never failed to cheer you up. And it was obvious Rick was the same. He was allowed to simply be himself around you; to loosen up, momentarily forget about the stress and sometimes even the woes that came along with being the town's upstanding sheriff.

As you were nearing your home, Carl decided to cut in.

"Y/N, can we stay at your house? It's been a while since we had a sleepover." Carl asked, his baby blue eyes identical to Rick's alight with hope.

It wouldn't be the first time Rick and the kids would be staying over. You were very close to the Grimes family, sometimes even almost considering them as your own. You didn't mind it. Since you lived alone, it can get pretty lonely. And having people around surely brightened up the house and made you keep your sanity.

"I don't mind, but you gotta ask your dad." You chuckled.

Carl turned to Rick, pouting and giving his best puppy dog eyes. Rick rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress an inkling of a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. But let me drop you and Judith off with Y/N first. I'll be back, I just need to get some extra clothes and essentials."

"YAY!" Carl cheered, Judith following suit as they both raised their arms and hollered.

"You're so whipped for them." You laughed, shaking your head as you looked at Rick.

"I ain't denying that." He sighed dramatically, grinning.

60 notes · View notes

pitiless-achilles-wept · 3 years

Text

Not dead yet!: Marking my 2-year anniversaries

On Sunday I marked my two-year “cancerversary” of my diagnosis and on Tuesday a member of the support group I co-founded (for young women who are stage 4) died. Like me, she had triple-negative breast cancer. Like me, she was diagnosed stage 4 two years ago. Like me, she had exhausted several types of treatment (because triple-negative is a beast) and was looking for the one that would work. She asked me about Saci (Sassy!) and proposed trying it to her doctor less than a week before she died. Nine days before she passed she joined our Sunday cancer yoga group from bed at the hospital to join our meditation exercises. Like me, she remained confident and positive and absolutely refused to give up hope. (Like me, she also wore her hair purple sometimes.)

There were many things that are unlike about us too. She had two teenage children who now don’t have their mother. She was twelve years older than me and had had Hodgkin’s before she had breast cancer--even worse luck than mine, to triumph over one cancer only to get this diagnosis. Unlike me, she wasn’t strong enough for Saci, the only targeted triple-negative line of treatment, because her body had reacted badly to immunotherapy. She was in the hospital for two weeks with somewhat mysterious symptoms all of which added up to her body shutting down. On Saturday she went home with her family in hospice care. 2 days later she was gone.

It’s not usual for things to go so fast. Typically, doctors, patients, and family members all have some advance warning and patients spend a solid amount of time in hospice care. I am sure that people will ask me why it went that way for her. I’m asking myself why too, since it is so shocking and so entirely unfair. The fact that it can happen that way at all is frightening to me as a fellow patient since it’s the scenario of nightmares. That really could someday be me. No one ever wants to think that--and I cannot live my life focused on it either--but it has to be acknowledged as a possibility.

[More below the cut about memories from 2 years ago today and hopes for the future. Also, an invitation to contribute to some writing if you want.]

Today, January 28th, is the 2-year anniversary of my stage 4 diagnosis. In a way, it feels more significant than my initial cancer news. I had four days being horrified, but thinking that I would get through this as a phase in my life. It would be terrible--I’d have a double mastectomy, scorched-earth chemo, radiation, anything to get rid of the cancer--but then it would be done. On the Monday following my first set of CT scans I learned that that was not true. My lungs were full of tumors. (Later, after lots of waiting, MRIs and biopsies, I'd find that my lymph nodes, spine, and liver were affected too. I still have tumors in all those locations, but no new ones.) I wrote a description of getting that news in an email to a friend over the summer, after I had read Anne Boyer’s "The Undying”:

“The worst part about the lung tumors for me was that my dad had gotten a very early flight and I learned the news while he was in the air. My mom told me we could not text or tell him on the phone, that he would need to be with us both. So I drove to Newark straight from the doctor's office. It was in the teens outside and windy as we slogged to the baggage area where we were to meet. I saw my dad in his warmest and ugliest puffy orange down jacket, looking small in it, forlorn and horribly vulnerable. I fell into his arms, thinking at least that airports were such horrible places, so impersonal and banal, that no one would look twice. 'It's in my lungs,' I said into his shoulder so that I would not have to see his face. I was crying into the jacket that somehow smelled of winter cold even though he had been inside for hours. 'Please, Daddy. Fix it, please.' I spoke like a child because, on some very deep level, I think I really did still believe that my father could fix anything. I was embarrassed, though, and so I tried to stem my tears as he put his big hand on the back of my head and said, 'Oh sweetie, we'll get through this. We will.' I knew that really he could do nothing--and that this was his nightmare of powerlessness--and so I sniffed and blinked and I did not let myself cry again until June.”

Two years later this moment seems as if it just happened. The impact of my diagnosis on everyone dear to me, and especially my parents, is one of the worst things about it for me. We all know that there’s only so much “better” I can get, with the current science, and we’re all playing for time while the research moves forward towards something better, something that would make this a treatable chronic condition. I go back and forth, emotionally, on how likely I think that is and how good my position is for the future. Right now, comparing myself to the group member who died, I feel relatively fortunate, even as chemo exhausts me, I lose every scrap of hair that was ever on my body, and I spend half of my days being almost unable to eat from nausea and loss of taste. I feel glad that I was able to get Saci, that my body has so far stood up to the ceaseless trials I have put it through, with four treatments and surgery (and full-time work and living alone etc. etc.). I feel strong, not scared, even as I feel the emotional toll of terrible loneliness from covid isolation, winter, and carrying a sick body through my days alone.

I do not love the “fight” metaphor because so much of having an illness is completely out of your control and I never want to take myself (or anyone else) to task for “losing.” And so instead I will praise my body for enduring. I will praise myself for my enduring also, in both an emotional and physical way. I checked back in on how I was feeling as this anniversary approached last year and was pleased to see how much better I feel about it now, partly as a function of being in a treatment that is (likely) keeping me stable rather than in the midst of choosing another new one. Here is what I wrote back to my group of friends in November 2019, the run up to the one-year mark:

“I’m feeling like I can’t plan and don’t want to celebrate, like I can’t perform “fine” for the people in my life to spare them from the pain I’m causing by not doing better and feeling horrible about it. Perhaps it would help if I let them know that they didn’t need to perform “fine” for me? I understand the desire to protect me from the obligation to take care of them and appreciate it. But sometimes it can feel like I’m the only one experiencing anger or grief or pain, though I know I’m not. Feeling so isolated in my emotional response provides no catharsis for it. Compassion and sympathy function on the notion of “fellow feeling.” If you’re just out here, feeling by yourself, you can’t expect any comfort. As always, I think of the moment in the Iliad when Priam and Achilles cry together over dead Hector. Grief (and you can grieve for many things aside from a death) is something explicitly to be shared.” So I guess I’ve shared it here. I can do that. And I can do another thing, which is to tell you I love you. People don’t really say it enough and reserve it too entirely for romantic contexts. It’s weird--it’s not like we are wartime rationing love! And every time anyone says it to me it helps. It’s an affirmation that I am integral in some way to people’s lives which, in a society that so greatly valorizes marriage/partnership and children, is something I can be in doubt about.”

There are some things I like here, though, and that I would now like to reiterate and invite you, my far-flung friends, to do for my 2-year milestone. Never has the notion of “fellow feeling” in times of grief and depression hit harder or been more important than during covid. In a way, the nation (or even world) was forced into much the same position, emotionally and practically, that my cancer put me in. People are isolated, unable to perform “fine” and wondering if other people feel the same way, or even if any of us can take care of each other at all. I am here to tell you that you can. Maybe not immediately but--sooner than you think--you can. Emotional reserves may be low but reaching out to support someone else can actually replenish them. You do not have to feel alone, or to feel, alone.

And for me, for this milestone and for the cancer-related depression that I certainly do have, I’d like to invite you to help me, so that I can do the same for you. I invite you to write something about how this milestone feels for you (either about me or not), how it relates to all the other insane things going on in the world or with you (not about me at all), how you felt on the original day when I shared my stage 4 diagnosis (definitely about me)--really anything that is on your mind or in your heart.

“Oh great,” you may think, “the English PhD has asked us to do homework!”. But no! It's up to you what you do. Write in whatever form you want, however long, even anonymously. And if you do I will write you back! Not with grades or comments, but with something to connect to what you shared. It is a way to create fellow-feeling; to open up, connect, heal. With me, yes, but also as the group of extraordinary people who have gone with me so far on this hard road. It’s a very different proposition to support someone through time-limited treatment with a good outcome than it is to sign on for whatever comes next. You are all, truly, pretty extraordinary.

Anyone who wants to send a note or reflection can email me or drop a file or post in this Google drive folder. Like I said, feel free to share whatever and do it anonymously if you’d rather. You can also askbox me here (better than DMS) or submit a post to this blog. (I'm taking a chance with open DMs for now...we'll see if that needs to change.)

I am grateful for all of you every day, but especially today.

Love, Bex

p.s. The title of this post refers to the cinematic classic "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," a film my high school self and friends loved. They, along with other wonderful folks. gave me a "cancerversary" cake with "Not dead yet, motherfucker!" on it this Sunday. p.p.s. The average life expectancy for people who get this diagnosis is 18 months to 3 years. Hitting 5 years would be extraordinary. Starting Year 3 is a huge deal and I have every intention of being extraordinary. (Never been average at anything in my life...I either succeed spectacularly or fail epically!)

#my life as a cancer patient #cancerversary #stage 4 #mbc #metastatic breast cancer #personal #memories #bex writes #writing invitation #quarantine life

55 notes · View notes

lovelivingmydreams · 3 years

Text

Paper Flowers: Everyone falls

But it’s getting up that matters.

People try their best. And sometimes that isn’t enough. But that doesn’t mean one should give up. This week Thomas had a bad night and tensions rose high. Join me in the morning after.

And with the fanders a little pick me up was just what the doctor ordered.

As usual Virgil woke up to Princey singing at the top of his lungs.

This morning's opening number was 'how far I'll go,' from Moana.

Virgil sighed. Today was going to be a long day. He'd expected as much. After yesterday...

Thomas had gone out with Joan to a party. There'd been a really cute guy. It had been fun and he was charming, a fellow actor even. Things were going so well... until, somehow, they had started talking about social media... YouTube and vine among them. This guy did not like the creator community. And he was very vocal about it. Something about attention seeking talentless idiots giving theater a bad name.

Luckily they made a clean getaway. Roman had played it off last night until he knocked at Virgil's backdoor.

Virgil hadn't needed an explanation. He'd gathered his first aid kit and came into the meadow to tend to Roman's injuries. Roman hadn't wanted to talk last night, so Virgil hadn't pushed him. Hadn't even made him promise to go to Patton if he wasn't feeling better in the morning. Roman usually didn't mind letting Patton look after him, but something told Virgil that he'd come to him for a reason.

He looked at himself in the mirror. "Let's get this over with."

He made his way downstairs for breakfast. He was the first to arrive. Aside from Patton that is.

"Virgil! You're up!" Clearly seeing Virgil was not what Patton expected first thing in the morning.

"Didn't have any other choice with Princey belting Moana in the next room," he grumbled.

Patton visibly relaxed at that. "Roman's singing... good. That's good."

Virgil was pretty sure he was the only one who ever heard Roman sing in his room. He didn't know if it was his heightened senses or something else, but no one ever seemed to complain about it. He'd never confronted Princey with it. First because he was sure Roman would sing even louder the next morning out of spite, and now because he kind of liked hearing a friendly voice first thing in the morning.

Virgil huffed and mumbled something about a bad night as he made himself a cup of chamomile, he needed to calm himself down. He did not like being here this early. Patton was too chipper in general and there was no one to distract him now.

"How did you sleep anxiety?" There it was.

The question, which normally came so easily when directed at anyone else was loaded with tension.

Virgil decided to stick with a shrug. Hoping that would be enough to let Patton feel like he'd met his quota of showing interest in him today. The answer was complicated. He'd been exhausted by the time he was done panicking last night. Especially since he'd tried not to show Princey too much of his worries while patching him up. He was having a rough enough time.

So once he did fall asleep he slept like the dead so to speak. It just took ages to get there.

Once his cup was in his hand he stalked to his seat he got some cereal and started eating. He could feel Patton struggle with something.

"I can practically hear you thinking. If you have something to say, just say it," he huffed, not looking up.

He heard a deep intake of breath.

"You were a bit too hard on Thomas last night."

Of course. Well at least he wasn't tiptoeing around him anymore. Before Patton dragged him to dinner that first time he would be so extremely careful when telling him to soften up. Like he was going to attack him if he said the wrong thing.

"We've established that I do what I do and don't care if you like it or not. Thomas needed to consider these things. You might've wanted him to forget that conversation ever happened but that isn't how real life works," he stated. Thomas had to be aware people thought those things to not get as hurt by meeting someone like that again. Pretending that if was a fluke and didn't matter was not right.

"Good morning Patton... Anxiety. Unusual to see you at the breakfast table,” Logan greeted calmly as he, made his way to the tea kettle. Virgil jumped at the chance to change the topic.

"Am I seriously the only one who heard Princey perform for his teddy bears this morning or what?" Virgil groaned. Logan cocked his head curiously. "Interesting... do you often hear things we do in private?" What? Where did that come from?

"I'm not eavesdropping! I literally woke up from the noise!" he seethed. He knew they didn't like him but did they have to assume everything he said or did had malicious intent?

Logan simply finished making his tea and toast before sitting down.

"Apologies that was perhaps not properly phrased. I just meant to ask if this was a first time or if your hearing simply automatically bypasses the barriers between the rooms all the time."

Oh, Virgil relaxed at that. Log

Oh. Virgil relaxed a little embarrassed he made such a big deal over it. Great job anxiety. Just another reason they would never truly accept you as s friend. Not that he was hoping for that. He was fine. He shrugged. "Princey sings every morning. Sometimes I hear typing from your room." Understatement. It sounded like the keys were about to be chattered under Logan's speed and force whenever he heard it.

"And..." Suddenly he changed his mind, this was all probably really private. He was anxiety. He figured he picked up Princey's singing in the morning no matter what mood he was in because part of him was listening for any noises whether in the real world or Thomas' mind. But the rest… that might be them under stress and he shouldn't expose any of them like that without permission. But asking Pat's permission now would prove he cared and it would out the fact that Patton was hiding stuff. "Just stuff," he shrugged dismissively getting back to his cereal.

Logan did not get the hint. "I see... would you..."

"Can we keep the third degree for some other time? I'm really not in the mood!" he groaned.

And just then the whole reason he was subjecting himself to this came in. With a smile plastered on his face and a grand gesture. "Good...!"

"No!”Vigrgil exclaimed turning to Roman, hiding his face from the others allowing him a chance to check him over. He seemed alright. But just to be safe. “Especially you! Just shut up! I don't want to hear another word this morning! I came down so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone trying to drag me down for family breakfast or whatever. So let's just eat in freaking silence alright!?" He shouted. He wasn't really that upset. But Princey might still not be up for Patton fussing over him. So Virgil hoped that for once Patton being scared of upsetting him came through in a good way.

“If you insist on making noise, hum or something. Just so long as you shut up for once!” And with that Virgil sat back down and started eating.

He could hear Patton ready himself for a reprimand but it didn't come. He assumed either Logan or Roman had stopped him. Roman sat down and hummed ‘Poor unfortunate souls'. A silent acknowledgment of what Virgil had done.

Breakfast was silent, and Virgil made sure to eat slow enough for Roman to be done before him so he could make a clean getaway. Logan finished first and left without a word.

Roman was next and went straight to the field. Virgil was a little happy to feel his key vibrate in an almost melodious rhythm. Roman's way of inviting him to hang out if and when he felt like it.

He finished his tea and got up. Planning to go straight to the meadow and check prince over. But Patton had other plans.

“Anxiety we need to talk.” Quite possibly one of the worst thing to say to literal anxiety, but okay.

“I feel like I made it clear that we were done. I don’t tell you how to do your thing. So you should do me the same favor,” he huffed before starting to walk away.

“Why didn't you answer Logan's question earlier?” The moral side blurted out.

Virgil, paused, he hadn't expected that. He didn't let that ruin his devil may care act though. “Didn't feel like it,” he shrugged.

“If that was all, I have to go and contemplate the futility of our existence,” he drawled with a salute.

He hadn't even fully turned around yet before Patton spoke again. Rushed as if trying to get it out before he could think about it. “Did you hear?”

Virgil froze. He knew what Patton probably wanted to remain secret above all else. What he might've worried Virgil overheard with his heightened senses.

He'd almost checked in on him last night, but then realized Patton wouldn't want assurance from him of all sides . What could he even say?

Logan was out too, and Roman was in no shape to take on another side’s troubles.

“Depends…” he turned back to face Patton his face still carefully controlled though he allowed himself to be sincere. “Do you like…” Ugh. He was going to kill Roman for hammering on about giving the others a chance. “Want to talk about it, or something?”

Patton looked surprised. He was silent for a moment, like he was actually considering it.

But Virgil could see how uncomfortable Patton was. Of course. Of course he didn't want to talk about it. Not to Anxiety at least. He hated how much that hurt. What did he expect?

“Then I guess I have no clue what you mean,” Virgil continued casually as he disappeared up the stairs. Not even waiting to get through his room before opening a door with his key. It was risky he knew, but he needed to be somewhere no one could bother him.

“Virgil, you came.” No one except Princey. But he was a special case. Virgil smirked at Roman as he walked over to sit beside him. The relief in Roman's voice and face was unmistakable.

“Of course I did idiot. You didn’t think I was actually mad at you right? We've had enough fights for you to know the difference I’d say,” he teased as he leaned back a little to study the clouds.

“Yeah, I just… I would have understood if you really needed a break. I know eating with us can be stressful, and I left you by yourself…” Virgil sighed, knowing what princey was getting at.

“How are you?” he asked instead glancing at the royal by his side. Trying to spot any sign of his injuries bothering him.

Roman sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. I took of the bandages this morning and they didn’t need replacing. But thank. Not having to pretend everything was perfectly fine this morning… I needed that. How did you know?” Roman wondered, allowing himself to be distracted for a moment.

“You only sing ‘I want’ songs and power ballads first thing in the morning when you are really down. I was honestly relieved it wasn’t ‘Go the distance’ or ‘Defying gravity’. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done then.” Not letting Princey force himself to put on a show during breakfast for the others was one thing. But making him stay in bed would be tricky to pull off without letting the others in on what he was doing.

“You… Hear me sing… And you know my mood by what songs I pick?”

Roman sounded moved for some reason.

“Yeah, I think it has to do with being on alert in the morning or something. And I can hear you the others in your rooms when you guys are… Anxious I guess. Logan was a nightmare during finals,” he jests.

“And I learned your mood playlist because it was useful to know when to avoid you and when I could push your buttons a little. I just use my knowledge for good now I guess.”

Roman gave him a playful push. “Aw, don’t lie. You were secretly worried about me when I sang my sad Roman Playlists,” he teased.

Virgil just rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Patton didn’t give you a hard time over this did he? Because I can talk to him later and get him to lay off, I can make an excuse…”

Virgil waved him off. “I’d never let you straight up lie to Patton for me Ro. You know that. And. He just… I let it slip that I heard you singing in your room. You know, to make them think all is fine and dandy. And Logan pointed out that we’re not supposed to hear what happens in each other’s rooms and wondered if I overheard stuff more often. I dodged the question and Patton wanted to know why. Wanted to know what I heard from his room.” It wasn’t exactly what was said but Patton was allowed choose who else knew how badly last night had upset him. Plus Roman would feel guilty if he knew. Virgil curled in on himself and stared ahead as he remembered how the conversation had ended.

“I… Tried to offer to listen if there was something he needed to vent about or something.” He averted his gaze, he didn’t want to even catch a glimpse of Roman’s pity. “Didn’t go well. Not that I expected him to open up to me of all sides. But… I don’t know…”

“It hurts none the less,” Roman said empathically. Virgil chanced a glance and was relieved his friend seemed understanding instead of sorry.

He relaxed a little. “Yeah…” he admitted.

He expected Roman to come to Patton’s defense. To explain why the moral side acted that way, and how good his intentions were.

But instead. “I’m proud of you for trying though. I know that wasn’t easy for you.”

Virgil chuckled. “Thanks,” he allowed.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while.

“Wanna do each other’s nails while we brainstorm something fun for Thomas to do to give him a boost?” Virgil suggested casually after a while.

Roman shot up and ran to his room to get his stuff. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh. That was a yes.

Today was awful. Everything just insisted on going wrong!

You let yourself fall on your bed and pick up your phone hoping to find some kind of escape.

You see a new video from Thomas Sanders. Oh, those are usually funny. Maybe it’ll be a prank or a storytime…

You tap the video and see Thomas pointing at the camera.

“Hey you!” The camera goes up and down and shows the prince smiling at you.

“You gorgeous human being!” he declares grandly. Up and down it goes and the teacher character is looking at you with arms crossed and his head cocked a proud smile on his face.

“You are so smart,” he states with certainty.

This time the camera returns to the dad character his arms close to his chest hands balled in fists near his face, huge goofy grin on his face.

“You are unique!”

And then sleep! Looking like he’s taping in the middle of a party. “Take a nap gurl! You deserve it!”

And lastly the nemesis. He too has his arms folded in front of him but he looks at you with a strange sort of stern yet gentle look.

“You deserve love and respect. No matter what others say,” he tells you seriously.

And damn it. Why did that mean so much!? Maybe just because you kind of needed to hear that right now. Maybe you will have a quick nap.

But not before liking and sharing. Even sending it to a few friends to make them smile.

Next: The little things

#ts sides #sanders sides #Roman sanders #Virgil Sanders #Patton Sanders #Logan Sanders #paper flowers au

56 notes · View notes

rosy-wooyoung · 3 years

Text

[18:37]

🎄Day 9 of the Christmas project🎄

pairing : Jongho x fem!reader a/n: this might be the worst thing i’ve ever written😀

Today was the weekend, and you decided to surprise your best friend Jongho. You had the keys to his apartment, and you knew that he was staying a few days over his girlfriend's to spend some time together, so you had all the time in the world. You wanted to surprise him by decorating his entire place without him knowing since he was pretty busy with his relationship and work. You thought that it would make him happy if you did that, especially if it was coming from you. Waiting for him to get out of his house, you quickly hid in your seat as he started walking at the end of the street to catch the bus. As the bus drove off, you started your car and pulled up in front of his garage, making your way into the house.

For some reasons unknown to you, Jongho has been quite down lately, and you tried to get some information from his friends since he didn’t want to talk. According to Mingi, his relationship has been tough and got into a few fights with his girlfriend. You tried to know the reason, but even his friends didn’t know. Feeling already noisy enough, you didn’t insist, but you were determined to make your friend talk to you one day. You unlocked the main door and was welcomed by his cat, who seemed to have thought that you were its owner. However, you couldn’t hide your happiness when his black cat welcomed you in his house with the prettiest, happiest meow you’ve ever heard in your life. You were delighted because Jasper - the cat – had always been giving a hard time for you and your friends.

No one could pet him, cuddle him, or give him food if it was not Jongho. Long story short, no one was allowed to touch it if it wasn’t its owner’s hand. When Jongho was around, it was the sweetest cat him, but it’s always been kind of an asshole when the boys were over. You could say that Jasper tolerated you, you lucky human. It wasn’t the truest love between you two, but Jasper preferred you over some of Jongho’s friends. Maybe was it because you were calm and gentle with him, not wanting to do stupid things with him like taking him in your arms and wildly dance around.

“Hi Jasper,” you said in a sweet voice, and he meowed again. He slightly moved out the way as you took your shoes off and you hesitantly petted his head, hearing him purr for a quick second as you rubbed its black fur. Taking off your coat and scarf, you walked to the living room and started analysing the stuff that you could use to decorate his entire house. Jongho was someone quite festive, he loved Christmas, especially decorating it. You didn’t know if he had planned on doing it with his girlfriend, but you paid no mind as you remembered the current situation he was in.

Jasper was observing as you were decorating the place, sometimes blinking as you asked for his opinion. It wasn’t the most talkative cat, but you burst out of laughter when you asked something, and it meowed, agreeing with your suggestion.

“Thank you, bub,” you said with a smile, and he rested on the couch, eyes closed, a sign for you to not bother him anymore while you kept on decorating for the rest of the day. Jasper woke up once or twice asking for water and food, which you gently did, gently petting his head before giving him his two bowls. He rubbed his head on your calves as a thank you, jumped on the table and watched you finish the snack that you were eating. He sniffled your coffee and looked away, his bored, disgusted look making you giggle. You truly loved this cat, and you could see that he was warming up to you as well.

The end of the day arrived quicker than you had hoped, but luckily you were productive enough to have done a major part of the decoration throughout the day. What you didn’t expect was to hear a car pulling over in the street in front of your friend’s house, a few screams, and yells before hearing a motor roaring again as it took off. Looking through the curtains, you noticed your friend staring at the ground, his shoulders looking like he was carrying the entire world on his shoulders. You started regretting coming here since his girlfriend knew how your car looked like and probably saw it in Jongho’s driveway. You just hoped that you weren’t a factor that worsened your friend’s case. On the other side of the door, you heard your friend fumble with his keys and you timidly opened the door. Jongho blinked a few times, noticing his blood-shot eyes and light pink cheeks, his face perfectly portraying anger and sadness.

“Hi,” you gently said as you opened the door wider to let your friend come into his own house. Jongho opened his mouth to say something, but the fairy lights decorating the entrance hall and the few other Christmas decorations captured his attention. “It was meant to be a surprise,” you started explaining, Jongho swallowing thickly. “I wasn’t supposed to be there when you would discover it, I’m sorry,” he didn’t say anything, he just bent down as to pet his cat that had just woken up from its fourth nap of the day. “It’s gorgeous,” your friend said as he looked around, taking in the decorations. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me,” he said as he looked back at you, his eyes glossy with tears that he was trying to hold in.

Your heart slightly ached at his words, and you walked up to him and affectionately rubbed his back. You didn’t have enough time to add anything that Jongho inhaled sharply and silently looked down, eyes blankly staring at the floor. His behaviour made you understand that his relationship was over. You didn’t know what to say, so you kept on rubbing his back. You scratched between Jasper’s ears as it sat on the chest of drawers next to the two of you, extending his paw to his owner. Jongho turned around as he felt a claw gently pressing against his skin, taking his cat in his arms.

“I’ll get going,” you whispered, but Jongho looked at you with Jasper purring into his arms. “Stay. I need to talk to you,” you were surprised by his words but nodded, putting your purse back on the floor. You walked to the living room with your friend, who had taken off his jacket in the meantime. “She… She broke up with me,” he finally managed to say, and your eyes widened, expecting another fight to have break out between the two of them, not this abrupt change. “But she was still lovey-dovey with you at the beginning of the week, I don’t understand,” you said, and he weakly shrugged. “She was, but you know how versatile she can become,” he said, and you slowly nodded. There was no sadness in his voice anymore, just frustration and irritation.

Jongho was avoiding your gaze as if he was hiding something from you. “You know that you can tell me every-“ “No, I can’t,” he hissed, and your heart slightly broke. What? “But why-“ you sadly whispered, and Jongho looked up, eyes filled with guilt. “No, Y/N, that’s not what I meant,” he explained, and you were starting to get confused at this point.

“You-you're the reason why we broke up,” he finally said after a few seconds of silence, making you loudly gasp, eyes widening. “What? But... Why?” your voice trailed, filled with confusion. Did you hear him correctly or your brain was playing tricks on you? “We broke up because of our friendship,” you scoffed and looked at him. You were acting like friends, what the hell was she on about? “She was jealous of you, of us. You’ve known me for years, we’ve always been extremely close, and for the past few months, she said that I was spending more time with you than her,” you listened, still not understanding why she was being so jealous of you. “I'm the one to blame, to be honest. I was always talking about you, and every time that I was telling her something, you were in the story. Even if you didn't take part in the events that I was telling her about. And a few weeks ago, during one of our fights, she blamed me for loving you more than her,” his last sentence prevented you from swallowing your saliva, making you slightly choke. You stared at your friend with wide eyes while his were still focused on the pet on his laps.

“I’ve had some restless nights because of what she said,” you inhaled sharply as you were getting ready to brave what was about to come, “and I realised that, if I had to save someone between you and her, I’d chose you. I was with her to forget about you because I wasn’t sure about how you were feeling. You were still probably taking me as a friend and nothing more.” “So you preferred suffering rather than telling me how you were feeling,” the words coming out of his mouth had you flabbergasted, not expecting a sudden declaration of love on a random Saturday, on your friend’s couch.

“It was more bearable than having you rejecting me and distance ourselves from each other,” he replied as if it was the easiest question to answer. “And, what made you change your mind? Because you still don’t know if I have feelings for you or not,” you said and clasped your hands on your laps, trying to mask the fact that they were shaking. “I don’t know, just a feeling,” he said with a shy smile as he finally looked at you, “as soon as my relationship started going downhill with her, I noticed you smiled wider, stared longer and laughed harder when we were together.” “You’re making me sound like a horrible person,” you whined, and you managed to get your friend to laugh on this sad, breakup day. “No I’m not,” he said and slightly turned his body to look at you better, “I was happier when I looked at you or felt you staring at me. She could give me hundreds of compliments and you just a smile, I’d be happier with your smile,” he said, and you huffed.

Damn, he was mad mad in love with you.

“So you told her the truth and she threw you out?” you asked, and he shook his head, his face becoming more serious. “She had a friend spying on us when we went Christmas shopping together on Thursday, and the angles aren't at our advantage,” you looked at him with wide eyes, and he nodded. “Yes, she called me an asshole and a cheater.” “But she still drove you home.” “I don’t know what she was thinking, maybe driving around would give her time to think, making me tell her that it was just lies. As soon as she saw your car in my driveway,” his voice trailed, and you gasped, guilt forming in your throat.

“What the fuck Jongho, I messed up your entire relationship,” you said, and he shook his head, Jasper escaping from his lap as he scooted closer to you. “You didn’t ruin anything. I’m the one who got in a relationship to forget about you, you didn’t influence me or anything. I love you and you only, you’re what matters the most to me right now,” he said, gently placing a hand on your cold, clammy ones, his gesture sending goosebumps rushing down your entire body.

“Just tell me you feel the same, and I’ll forget everything,” he whispered as he searched for your lost gaze, confusion and guilt building up in your body. You briefly stared at your friend’s eyes and heard a little voice in your head to listen to your heart. What could you lose? What could you win in agreeing? The choice was quickly made.

Putting your remorse and feelings aside, you cupped his face and kissed him with all the love in the world. The love you had for him had been locked up in a part of your head for months, years, and now it was finally set free. It felt nothing, but good.

61 notes · View notes

writingwhimsey · 3 years

Text

Romance with Mr. Right...hand Man Ch. 1

A/N: This is just a fanfic I am starting following Hideyoshi's romantic route ending. I hope it's something everyone can enjoy! This will be a multi-chapter fic and I'll be bouncing between it and my Shingen fic. I will hopefully be moving my Nobunaga and Mitsuhide fics over here from fanfiction as well soon.

Chapter 1

I found myself sitting in front of Nobunaga on his horse. His arms were on either side of me, holding the reins. We were in an open field outside of Azuchi. It had been a little over a year since I had traveled through time and been living in the Sengoku with the Oda forces.

Mitsuhide and Masamune were on either side of us. We had a small portion of the Oda army behind us. On the opposite side of the field at the head of his own army was the love of my life, Hideyoshi. He was flanked by Ieyasu and Mitsunari, with their own portion of the Oda forces behind them.

I can't believe I agreed to go along with this. Granted it's not like I was truly given a choice in the matter. I thought to myself.

"You seem rather tense, Ava." Nobunaga observed, though there was a smile on his face.

"Oh, you know, just wondering why this is all necessary?" I replied, my tone a bit disgruntled.

Nobunaga grinned at me. "It is the only way." He answered.

I let out a sigh as I turned to look at Hideyoshi across the field. We were close enough I could see the determined look on his face and noticed when he leaned over to discuss something with Mitsunari or Ieyasu, but we weren't close enough for me to hear what was being said.

"Ava, aren't you the least bit curious as to how determined Hideyoshi is about all of this?" Mitsuhide asked, his tone teasing. "What lengths he will go to?"

"I would think you would be excited that he was willing to do this in the first place." Masamune added.

"I mean...it is definitely impressive." I replied. "But I also know how much he's going to be hating this the entire time."

"Don't worry, this was my idea. I will hold nothing against him when this is over." Nobunaga replied.

"The rest of us won't ever let him live it down though." Masamune replied grinning. "That is assuming none of us run off with the prize."

I rolled my eyes and sighed once again. My thoughts then turned to the events that led us to where we all stood right now.

Three days ago...

I was going around the room of the great hall, carrying a bottle of sake and pouring for everyone. We were having a banquet to celebrate the anniversary of Nobunaga surviving the Hono-ji incident.

"Ava." Nobunaga had said just as I was about to go join Hideyoshi.

"Uh...yeah?" I asked. "Were you needing a refill?"

"I would not say no." Nobunaga replied. "But you should also allow me to pour for you. This banquet is as much about celebrating you as it is me."

"I don't..." I began to protest.

"Without you saving me that night, we would not all be here now. So, come drink with me a moment." He said.

"Uh...alright." I reluctantly agreed. I wanted to go be with Hideyoshi, but I knew that even he would tell me I had better get up there to follow Nobunaga's orders. Hideyoshi was basically the president of the Nobunaga fan club.

I made my way up to the dais and sat by Nobunaga and filled his cup. He handed me another one and then poured for me. "Thank you." I said.

"You have earned it and proven yourself." He told me. "This haori coat you made is excellent as well. I commend your work."

I couldn't help but to smile. I always felt proud when my work was complimented. "Thank you." He had commissioned the haori from me a couple of weeks ago and I had put a lot of work into it.

"You know, you should share a drink with the rest of us." Masamune spoke up. "We want to celebrate the brave lass who saved our lord as well."

"Why do you always say we like you're including me?" Ieyasu grumbled.

"Because you're just as happy to have Ava around as the rest of us, lad." Masamune replied.

So, I ended up not getting to go join Hideyoshi and drinking with everyone. I planned for just one drink with each of them and then I would join Hideyoshi. Hopefully I could catch Nobunaga in a good enough mood that I'd be able to go home with Hideyoshi to his manor tonight.

What I did not realize at the time, was that everyone was enjoying the game they had stared. They were playing keep away with me and Hideyoshi. What I was also unaware of, was that Mitsuhide had manipulated Hideyoshi into drinking quite a bit more than he normally would. Hideyoshi was not the most composed drunk. When drinking he would speak much more freely than normal.

"Alright, Ava, it is my turn to share a drink with you." Mitsuhide said, taking my hand and pulling me to sit beside him.

"Only one drink." I said, remembering the last time I had drank with Mitsuhide. It was seriously the worst hangover the next day.

Mitsuhide grinned at me. "Why, my dear little seamstress, are you worried about what will happen if you drink with me?"

"I am not wanting the hangover from hell again." I replied. "Your alcohol tolerance isn't human."

"What if I promise to take it easy on you?" Mitsuhide asked, leaning in close.

"That's it!"

I jumped at the sound of Hideyoshi's voice. He was then coming over to sit beside me, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close. "Hideyoshi?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I will not have the lot of you taking all of Ava's time. I will not stand for this anymore." Hideyoshi boldly declared.

"Are you challenging us for our dear little sister?" Mitsuhide asked, his voice teasing.

"As the man who loves her, yes I am." Hideyoshi answered. "And not just tonight. I am going insane not having her by my side every night."

My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at the man I loved. "Hideyoshi...what...are you saying?" I asked.

Those warm golden eyes focused on me. "Ava, I can't stand the thought of another night not having you come home with me. I want you to live with me and to be my wife."

I felt the tears stinging my eyes and the smile tugging my lips. "Oh...Hideyoshi!"

"That is quite the bold declaration, Hideyoshi." Nobunaga's deep voice came from his seat.

We all turned to look at him. "It is the truth." Hideyoshi replied. "If Ava will have me, I want to take her home and make her my wife."

"Have you forgotten, Hideyoshi?" Nobunaga replied, an amused smile on his face.

"My...Lord?" Hideyoshi asked.

"Ava is my treasured little sister." Nobunaga answered. "You truly intend to take her from me?"

"I...Lord Nobunaga...it's already been too long. I can't take it another day." Hideyoshi replied, looking Nobunaga in the eye.

Holy cats! He's...he's actually challenging Nobunaga for me?! I felt a swirl of conflicting emotions in my chest at this moment.

"You believe you are the best man for her?" Nobunaga asked.

"I will do everything to see to her happiness." Hideyoshi answered.

"How far are you willing to go for Ava?" Nobunaga asked.

"Uh...what...what are you trying to say, my lord?" Hideyoshi asked, confused.

"You have challenged me for her. You've made quite a bold declaration, Hideyoshi." Nobunaga replied. "Would you fight for her?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I would." Hideyoshi answered.

Nobunaga's grin became devilish at this. "Then it is settled."

"What exactly is settled, Nobunaga?" I found myself asking. Is he agreeing to letting me finally move in with Hideyoshi...and then us planning our wedding? I thought with cautious excitement.

"Hideyoshi, you will prove your resolve to take my precious little sister from me." Nobunaga declared. "In three days time, I will have the perfect challenge for you."

"You name it and I will meet the challenge." Hideyoshi declared.

"You shall face me in battle." Nobunaga declared.

I am pretty sure my jaw hit the floor as Hideyoshi's eyes widened. "L-lord Nobunaga?"

"If you truly wish to make Ava your wife, you shall face me in battle." Nobunaga repeated. "We will work out the details over the next few days."

I looked at Hideyoshi. I half expected him to back down at the thought of fighting Nobunaga. There's no way...right? I should probably say something. Take it off of Hideyoshi. I thought, though I couldn't deny that a part of me was holding back, hoping he would respond and accept the challenge. "Nobunaga, come on, this is a bit ridiculous. Besides, you didn't wait to hear my answer. You spoke up before I really had the chance."

"Because I already know your answer." Nobunaga replied. "But that is not what is important here. Hideyoshi, will you fight for Ava?"

Hideyoshi's eyes met mine. He gave me a smile and then turned to Nobunaga, determination set on his face. "Alright, if that's what it takes, then yes, I will face you in battle, my lord."

A devilishly gleeful smile came to Nobunaga's face. "Good. I look forward to this."

Now...

And that was the story of how we ended up here. The details had been worked out that Hideyoshi would face Nobunaga in battle essentially for my hand in marriage. Nobunaga had declared that Ieyasu and Mitsunari would be Hideyoshi's subordinates in the battle, while Mitsuhide and Masamune were his to command.

The rules were relatively simple. It was similar to an actual fight, but the goal was not that anyone would be hurt. Or only minor injuries were allowed. Hideyoshi was to command his forces in an effort to take me from Nobunaga. He literally had to physically take me from Nobunaga and run off with me.

Of course this meant that he would have to fight Nobunaga and more than likely try to knock him off of his horse or something. I knew that is that happened, Hideyoshi would be devastated at having caused any injury no matter how minor to Nobunaga. I knew he would also be terrified of hurting me in the process.

"Don't worry little mouse, no one will get hurt." Mitsuhide told me from his place beside Nobunaga and me. "Especially you. You are our most precious little sister after all."

I found myself rolling my eyes once again.

"I am very much looking forward to this." Nobunaga said, smiling like a little kid.

"Why exactly is that?" I asked.

"To see exactly how Hideyoshi plans to pull this off." He answered. "It has been quite amusing to see him change since being with you."

I looked up at the man whose arms I was currently trapped in. I raised a brow at him. "I don't think I've really changed him that much." I replied.

"He values his life now." Nobunaga replied. "He is no longer willing to throw it away. That is something I am happy to finally see."

"What else are you hoping to see today?" I asked.

Nobunaga smiled. "I am just looking to have a bit of amusement today." He answered, but I could tell that that wasn't the truth. Though I am not sure what he was really searching for, I was certain that it was more than amusement. Something told me that Nobunaga really did care about Hideyoshi and this was somehow his way of proving a point or trying to get Hideyoshi to learn something new.

It was a few moments later that a the war cries sounded. Horses and soldiers from both sides took off. I found myself gripping the saddle to keep steady as Nobunaga kicked our horse into a run. I was preparing myself to be able to jump off and into Hideyoshi's arms at a moment's notice. I didn't want him to have to do all of the work when it came to this mock battle. I also wanted to try and make this as easy on him as possible. I knew what Nobunaga meant to him. So the fact that he was willing to participate in this mock battle was major and showed how much he truly loved me. Even if it was something he agreed to when he was drunk.

I hope this ends well. I thought as I kept my eyes open and waited for my opportunity. Though you know this is the stuff most girls dream of...I mean I literally have men fighting over me right now. I couldn't help the rueful smile that came to my lips at that thought. Though no matter who the victor in this mock battle is, my heart will always be Hideyoshi's.

Read the next chapter below!

https://writingwhimsey.tumblr.com/post/659310015236177920/romance-with-mr-righthand-man-ch-2

#ikesen #ikesen hideyoshi #romance #fanfic #chapter 1

7 notes · View notes

canonicallysoulmates · 4 years

Text

Supernatural 15.16

What can I say? No, seriously, what can I say this was such a disappointment I just wanna salt it, burn it and forget it.

This is not what I wanted nor what we were told we were gonna get, the promo’s and the way it was promoted made it seem like this was gonna be a heavy brothers centered episode and we were gonna get to see flashbacks of Sam and Dean hunting solo together, without their dad, for the first time. It wasn’t.

This episode is snake oil. It was advertised in all the right ways to make us buy into it but it has no real substance or value.

The plot is simple: Sam and Dean have to investigate the death of an old, sort of friend they made in one of the motel’s they stayed at back when they were little and haven’t spoken to in over 20 years. And let’s talk about this real quick because at the beginning Sam and Dean don’t know they’re going to investigate their friends’ death they think they’re going to the funeral cause the victim’s sister, who was also a sort of friend of theirs back in the day, invited them to the funeral to guarantee that they would go which is so stupid, people miss funerals all the time especially when they’re the funerals of people who they only knew for a week over 20 years ago and didn’t keep in contact. So, the stupid starts early in this episode.

Back to the plot, the thing that Sam and Dean are hunting is something they had hunted and thought killed years ago back when they were the wee!chesters, and by “they” I mean….Dean and the girlie. I’m sorry you thought, we were gonna see young!Sam and Dean actually hunt together? No.

The four of them sort of work together to figure out where the thing might be hiding and Dean’s all ‘I’m handling this on my own’ and Sam’s like ‘I’m going with you’ and Dean’s like ‘no’ and the girls like ‘then i’m going with you’ and Dean’s all ‘no’ and so he goes off on his own but the girl follows him so it’s the girl and him hunting this thing down while Sam is stuck back in the motel on babysitting duty of the girls little brother which I’m sure the writer is patting herself on the back for because at the beginning in the first flashback Dean was all ‘I used to babysit you when I was your age’ so now Sam is stuck babysitting...get it? Get it? I think it’s supposed to be clever…...excuse me a minute

*clears throat* where was I? Oh yes, so anyways after some investigating and Dean finding a bunch of children’s corpses they arrive at the hotel in time to see the thing they’re hunting attacking Sam and the other kid and Dean’s all ‘Sam get out of the way’ and stabs the thing which makes it turn to dust so they think it’s dead which we all know it ain’t but let’s talk for a minute about the fact that Dean just walked to see a monster attacking his baby brother AND HE DOESN’T EVEN RUSH TO CHECK ON HIM WHEN THE THING IS DEAD!!!! Also, this thing was hunting kids that were around Sam’s age but Dean doesn’t seem to give a fuck.

So what was the thing Sam and Dean were hunting oh so many years ago when they did shit re-search even though we know that they knew how important research was but this writer doesn’t know how to write this characters in present time why would she be able to write young! them? Baba Yaga! But they still don’t know that they’ll find that out later in the episode, in like a 5min scene that really does not do this figure justice but neither does the rest of this episode as this writer doesn’t really care and treats Baby Yaga more like a traditional vengeful spirit.

For real though, it is a shame that this writer doesn’t care enough because Baba Yaga is a folklore figure with so much history they could have really done something interesting and scary; such a famous folklore figure and she was treated like a footnote.

But that’s what young!Sam and Dean were up to what about our Sam and Dean? Well, after they find out the truth that they’re there to investigate and not attend a funeral that happened a week before they go check what’s up at the motel since that’s where everything happened years ago and the dude died, Dean is feeling guilty af for so many reasons including that he had yet to tell Sam Jack was gonna die, at first Dean doesn’t believe it’s the same thing they had hunted but then he’s like ‘okay maybe it’s not as dead as I thought’ and leaves Sam and the girlie to do research while he has a scene with Billie where she tells him the end is coming and while that’s happening Sam finds out it’s the Baba Yaga and the girl gets attacked and then Dean returns and he and Sam go their separate ways to find her because of course the do and Dean gets attacked but Sam arrives and then they properly kill the monster.

Anyways, it all ends with their “friend” telling Dean for like the 20th time that he has changed and then they have a hug which gives us our final flashback where after him and the young girlie say goodbye to each other him and Sam are waiting for John to pick them up and Dean’s all ‘I don’t know about this college thing but we make a good team’ which would be great if we had actually seen them work as a team.

With the thing dead Sam and Dean make their way back home and Dean tells Sam the truth about Jack dying. We’ll come back to this scene.

And that’s the episode in a nutshell. It’s bad. It’s unforgivably bad. This is the mediocre, poor man’s version of Something Wicked.

It’s got no soul, with the exception of one scene it’s got no emotion. It stays at the surface level, we don’t truly get to see young!Sam and Dean work together, we don’t really get to see their dynamic with each other, we don’t learn anything new about them, Dean clearly didn’t like Sam thinking about college but it wasn’t really explored he was just an ass to Sam about it and then was all ‘we make a good team’ but like I said we didn’t truly get to see them be a team so it just falls flat, there weren’t really any proper scenes between the young brothers, Baba Yaga is not explored she’s more a footnote, we also don’t get to see adult Sam and Dean hunt together.

You compare it to other flashback episodes like Something Wicked, A Very Supernatural Christmas, Just My imagination to name a few, and you can’t. You can’t really compare it cause those episodes were well written and actually explored Sam and Dean’s emotions and their relationship. This episode is the worst flashback episode we have ever gotten and I wish it didn’t exist.

I wanna talk about the young!Sam and Dean actors real quick cause no shade to them but I didn’t like them one bit not just because of the way they were written but also because they don’t really embody Sam and Dean’s personalities in the way that their predecessors have, I look at them I don’t see Sam and Dean. Also, their acting? Not the best.

So, all around this is a failure as far as young!Sam and Dean.

There was one scene in this whole entire episode that had any sort of emotion: the final scene with Sam and Dean in the car where Dean tells Sam everything and about Jack dying and Sam is pissed off and they get into a fight. That’s the only scene where Sam and Dean got closest to acting and sounding like themselves and the only one that was worth something and I give full credit to Jared and Jensen for that because their acting in that moment was standing ovation worthy, they honestly almost made me cry. I think if this epi had been better written and emotions actually explored it would have managed to make me cry.

I don’t like that the epi finished with the boys fighting, even less that the one proper scene we got between them was a fight but it was the best scene of the episode and it should be watched if for no other reason than to see Jared and Jensen put on an amazing performance,

But that scene alone is not enough to save this episode.

The writer of this epi once recommended that you could put the first 2 seasons of this show on as background noise and maybe if she hadn’t done that and actually paid attention to the foundation of the show that paid her bills she wouldn’t have given us the mediocre version of Something Wicked or would have learned how to artfully weave the main plot of a season into a stand alone episode like Phantom Traveler did instead of sticking in a scene right in the middle for some exposition. As it is, you can use her episode as background noise.

Here’s the thing, you can make the argument that it’s not as bad as it could have been or as what we have gotten, or that we should expect the episodes to be bad because it’s all we’ve gotten, or that we should just be happy with what we get and listen you feel how you wanna feel about this episode and/or tell yourself what you need to make yourself feel better but that don’t work with me. I’m not going to thank the writers for taking a smaller shit on this show than they did last time, and expecting the episodes to suck doesn’t mean we don’t deserve better and that we shouldn’t be upset.

And I am upset. I am angry. I am sad. I am bitter. I am disappointed.

You know what stings most about this episode? What makes it cut differently than all the other shitty, insulting, disappointing episodes that have come before it? That this is the last time we’re going to see young!Sam and Dean. This was the last ever flashback episode. A badly written episode with barely any proper interaction between the young brothers, is the last time we’ll see young! Sam and Dean.

I so badly wish I could recommend this episode but the truth is that I can't. What I can recommend, and I highly do, is looking up the final scene and enjoying that beautifully acted, painful, brother moment. And then if you still want to watch young!Sam and Dean, just re-watch Something Wicked.

In conclusion,

#spn negative #this epi makes me so angry #fuck you dabb for greenlighting this epi #anti meghan fitzmartin #mine #opinion on supernatural #spn spoilers #spn 15.16 #anti spn writers

56 notes · View notes

natsubeatsrock · 3 years

Text

Did Mashima fridge Juvia?

Well, it was only a matter of time.

I knew I would have to talk about this some year on August 31st. It just happens that this is the year.

For those who don't know, today is a special day in this blog's history. Six years ago, I made a long post talking about Juvia. Most notably, I was fearful about the possibility that Juvia would die. A year later, I was reacting to chapter 499, where Juvia was presumed to have died. Since then, I've used this day to talk about Juvia dying in some way or another.

Last year, I mentioned that I wasn't willing to open this can of worms. And yet, here we are. To be honest, I figured that this was a topic worth talking about, but not in that post. I was already planning to dive into that this year.

To start, let's talk about the term.

Flashback to 1994. In issue 54 of Green Lantern, the main character walks into his apartment. His girlfriend has been killed and stuffed into a refrigerator by one of his enemies.

Five years later, [insert descriptor here] comic book writer Gail Simone took this incident as the impetus to note a trend in writing female characters in comics. They die or face serious bodily harm to advance the arcs of fellow male characters. She teamed up with other writers to start a website called "Women in Refrigerators". It's a list of female comic characters who fit this trope, to some degree or another. It's still up today, and you can see some more recent inclusions.

My own thoughts on this trope are mixed. I think that there's something to be said about one character's development coming at the expense of another character. Especially if that trend is decidedly gendered. Though, this argument is used in ways that come across in ways that are infuriatingly stupid and short-sighted. I've even seen it argued that women being harmed in fiction is inherently misogynistic. (Please don't make me talk about this.)

In any case, the argument has far exceeded the scope of comic books. (I say as if I'm not talking about comics.) This has been brought up in talking about media of all sorts. Video games, movies, television, and more. If a female character is placed in harm's way, people will argue whether or not she was fridged.

So, with that in mind, let's talk about Juvia's death.

Or false death?

I mean, we thought she was dead, but it turned out to be a fake-out.

Actually, let's talk about that. That happens to be a great place to start.

Does it count as being fridged if the serious effects were reversed?

I know that probably sounds like I'm splitting hairs. After all, it's not as if chapter 499 is wiped out of existence because we also got chapter 500. Mashima ultimately decided to kill Juvia. That's what should matter most to our discussion. Honestly, I might be inclined to buy this argument under normal circumstances. However, there happens to be a group of people who argue otherwise. They've convinced me that this is worth talking about.

Who are these horrible misogynists who would discount this kind of suffering on Juvia's part?

The people behind Women in Refrigerators.

At least, sort of?

As you might imagine, people have argued against the idea of this trope. To many people, more men have been harmed in fiction. In many cases, men in pain are treated as nothing special. In fact, there are examples of men dying to further the character arcs of female characters.

As a response to this, the website has included an article entitled "Dead Men Defrosting." Essentially, it doesn't matter if men do go through similar pain. There is a difference between these situations. In many cases, men who get fridged are eventually restored to their initial state. They gain their powers, are healed, or even come back to life. Women don't often get that same opportunity in comics.

Let's stop and think about Juvia's situation for a second. She was dead for all of one week, as far as fans are concerned. In canon, it was even less time. If Gray decided to stay behind for a few minutes, he also would have been healed by Wendy. In fact, with the continental connection to Tenrou Island, the whole scenario is forfeit. In hindsight, Juvia's life was never in danger.

So, could it be said that Juvia was truly fridged if she ended up being "defrosted"?

No, technically speaking.

Then again, I've been very critical of the writing of this. I've made many posts explaining why I think this was bad. Would ending the discussion here be the right thing to do? More importantly, is that the kind of resolution you clicked on this post to find?

There is also an elephant in the room. For better or worse, Women in Refrigerators also includes women whose states were corrected. Now, does this contradict the point they made regarding male characters? It’s starting to feel as though I should make a post about this trope on its own.

In any case, let’s ignore the fact that this didn’t actually stick. For the sake of this, let's assume that this does fall under the definition of fridging. Or, at least, that it could.

Did Mashima fridge Juvia?

To say that it did would mean that the death was done to move Gray's character arc. And... well... I mean...

Look, Gray is pushed to the edge of his sanity because he believes Juvia has died. That much is obvious, given the context of his rematch with Invel. I'm not willing to argue that this wasn't the case.

But...

I can't say that Juvia's death was so big a reason for Gray to change.

If we're talking about Gruvia, maybe it could be argued he decided to take Juvia's romantic feelings seriously after seeing her die. But that only works if you take his words in chapter 499 in the most literal sense possible. It's more likely that he already had feelings for Juvia and was ready to share them after the war ended.

Outside of that, because Juvia died, Gray fights Invel, who he blames for killing Juvia. When he beats the stuffing out of him, he finds out that Natsu was END and directs his fury towards him. They fight for a bit, but they're ultimately stopped. Once he finds out about the Natsu-Zeref death arrangement, he decides the best way to deal with the situation is to go through with Lost Iced Shell.

You could read this as Gray going through with Lost Iced Shell because of Juvia. If Juvia didn't die (but not really), Gray wouldn't think to go use the spell. However, this view discounts Gray's stated motivations for using Lost Iced Shell: guilt over fighting Natsu and wanting to protect him from dying. Gray obviously regrets how the situation with Juvia went if the final chapter means anything. But Lost Iced Shell doesn't seem to be done because of Juvia. (I may rant about a comment I got about this some other day.)

And now, I will defy conventional wisdom and make probably the most controversial argument possible about this moment. Juvia's sacrifice was for Juvia's character arc. Not Gray's.

It's worth remembering what Juvia's arc is. I know that fandom often questions what Juvia's arc is. However, I believe that her arc is best described as understanding love. When she first fights Gray, she says that she has no need for love. A few arcs later, she sacrifices herself because of her love for Fairy Tail.

The motivation for Juvia sacrificing herself for Gray is her love for Gray. No one questions Juvia's feelings for Gray. However, this moment shows that she's willing to sacrifice her own life for Gray. Do you think that Juvia would do this before Phantom Lord?

This isn't to say that I think Juvia's arc was well-written. It's easy to criticize Juvia's extravagant displays of love seem. Or how Juvia's love seems to center more around Gray than others. Or how there are ways to show that you love someone in non-romantic ways. And fans of the series have shared the problems they have with how Juvia's character was handled.

But we're not here to talk about those things. We're here to ask if Mashima "killed" Juvia for Gray's development. And, despite how bad I think the moment was, I can't say that Mashima did.

Consider I’m the one saying this. Like, it would be something if one of the bigger Gruvia blogs made this argument. (I feel as though a couple of them may have blocked me.) That’s something that could be expected. I’ve outright called this the worst moment in the series at one time. I’d love to tack on another reason not to like this moment.

But I can’t.

“That’s because you’re clearly against the idea of this trope existing, chauvanist pig!“

I’ll assume you missed the intro for the trope earlier in this post. I’m willing to admit that this does happen. In fact, I already talked about how I hate how Last Ages happened. Ultear got done way dirtier than Juvia did and didn’t have the effects reversed. Not to mention, it was ACTUALLY done to further Gray’s character.

In Conclusion:

I don’t think it’s a good idea to call what happened to Juvia “being fridged“. Even if Juvia were to have actually died.

#fairy tail #juvia lockser #fairy tail 499 #fairy tail 500 #i'm trying to be nice #why don't i have an august 31st tag?#i should have some type of tag #oh well...#should i write about fridging?#i'm not sure I should #and yet i very much want to #who knows #i have bigger fish to fry first...

3 notes · View notes