#Dick is like 4 to 4 1/2 feet tall | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bodybeyondstories · 3 months

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Just ignore it - 4

Lee and Armand try to get a handle on David's powers of suggestion before being interrupted by the delivery of yet another weird artifact. David goes for a bike ride to clear his head, only to end up complicating things further by causing some unexpected changes with some unexpected results.

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MaleTF // Ass growth // Dick growth // Suggestion // nsfw

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“You transformed Jamal? The new barista upstairs?” asked Lee.

“Isn’t that a bit much?” added Armand, arms crossed over his chest. “He’s already like nine feet tall or something.”

“Well yeah, he is now,” I said, exasperated by the disappointed parents routine I was getting back in the cleanroom. “But he wasn’t an hour ago. Or he was, in a different…timeline or whatever. Which is now this timeline. Or I was in a different timeline. Or the universe just sort of shifted or something, I don’t know.”

Jamal, to the best of anyone’s knowledge, was a possibly genetic, possibly magical anomaly who really did top out at just over nine feet. Why he insisted on keeping his barista job was even more of a mystery, but he was obviously a local attraction wherever he went, leading the coffee chain that managed multiple shops in town to rotate him around location to location, a boon to underperforming and under-trafficked franchises like the one in our building. The line was out the door whenever he was working, with people wanting a selfie, wanting to see him bumble behind the counter with surprising grace in spite of hands that made the espresso machine look like a toy, or just wanting a glimpse at the pipe running down his khakis that was conveniently around eye level and impossible to miss. If you were lucky, he liked you, and the timing was right, you could get an up close and personal experience. I was proud to say I was one of the lucky few ‘regulars,’ and in my recent metaphysically horny state, he had hit just the spot in one of the backrooms. Though it still, somehow, didn’t quite measure up to what Lee could throw down.

But now I was back in the evil snowglobe, feeling like I was facing punishment from sharing what I thought would be exciting new data.

“So, you just talked, and Synt followed suit?” asked Armand, jotting hurriedly into a notepad.

“Sort of? There was kind of a crescendo, maybe. Like Synt found a conduit through my vocal chords and we had to get into the groove. But I don’t think it’s automatic, like I couldn’t just say Armand grew–”

“Whoa whoa whoa, let’s slow down,” Armand cut in, hands splayed in caution. “Before you put a whammy on me, too.”

“I mean,” I gestured to his overstuffed crotch, “I kind of already did.”

“Oh! Oh wow,” Lee cut in, rubbing his chin as Armand stood speechless and gaped at his prodigious bulge. “But from your perspective, Armand, from both of our perspectives, it’s…”

“Always been that way,” Armand finished, cheeks reddening. “Or at least my entire adult life. It would make sense. I’ve never had a medical professional successfully explain my…condition. I just sort of got used to it, I guess. Or I was always used to it.”

“Exactly!” I exclaimed, clapping my hands. “So we’re getting it now. It’s all about multiplicities of temporal perspectives. We’re all just cosmic threads weavin’ around each other.” I tried to visualize this with a rushed jumble of hand motions, which unfortunately didn’t land with the other two. “But I could probably fix it. I think. Maybe. I don’t think Synt would be on board for a reduction of any sort, so we may have to strategize.”

“No, there’s nothing to fix. I mean, it’s a lot to deal with, but I really am cool with it. My dating life is a mess anyways, and once you get known as that guy with the sixteen inch dick, the luster kind of wears off. I don’t really know what it's like being…normal.”

“The methods are messy to say the least,” said Lee, “but we may be starting to get somewhere. As much as we would love to keep investigating, further tests might have to wait. The park ranger guys are sending over some artifact they found and I think they’re due any minute.”

As if on cue, a nervous tap on the door reminded the three of us that as much as we would like to play around with my shiny new body morphing, reality shifting chaos magic we all had other work to do. I was getting up to take the back exit and head upstairs when I felt a tug in the direction of our visitor. My attention was pulled by some strong magnetic force toward the door as whoever was trying to enter awkwardly began pushing it open. Unconsciously, my foot steps shifted direction as the attraction felt stronger and deeper. And oddly familiar. Eventually, I recognized this feeling as Synt having their interest piqued enough to guide me to physically move in that direction. I was not a fan of this new development in our dynamic, but decided to see where it led.

“You need some help?” I offered, trying to play it off as me moving to give them a hand with the door rather than me being compelled for yet another mysterious reason.

“Nah, I’m good,” came a familiar voice, and as the door fully opened, I recognized Blake’s ass as it entered the room before the rest of him. “It’s just hard to maneuver this thing.”

It took me a second to realize he didn’t mean the globes of his ridiculous bubble butt, becoming the undeniable center of attention as he backed through the doorway, but actually the cart he was pulling with him. As the door swung back and he casually bounced it away with one hip, I couldn’t stop staring. I thought at this point I would be used to comically ballooning backsides, his most of all, but it looked even bigger than it had last night. In fact, as he entered the room the rest of him looked bigger too. If the seams of his pants and shirt sleeves had been strained beyond all reason last night, then now he was one strong sneeze away from public nudity. I thought maybe it was just the change of scenery, like how fitness influencers will take advantage of good lighting to show off a juicy pump, but I was pretty sure he was…bigger. Lee and I exchanged glances as if to wordlessly reassure each other that we weren’t just imagining that Blake was noticeably taller than he had been last night. The subtle accusatory squint of his eyelids was returned by a sharp look of denial from me. This wasn’t me, I thought. Unless, possibly it was. Maybe the growth last night had a slow release function, or some sort of chain reaction.

I mentally relayed Lee’s suspicious squint to Synt, who responded with a deep rumble of appreciation. They had a fixation on Blake, I now realized, and those two teaming up could be a disastrous combination.

“You want this in the uh, special circle?” Blake gestured to the circumference of sigils which were now glowing with an even higher brightness and frequency. That can’t be good, I thought.

“Yeah, that’s fine until we figure out what to do with it,” said Armand. “What is it, by the way? The report they sent in was kind of muddled. But then again, so is everything from the Marshlands.”

That place again. I was transported back to some spot on the map that I couldn’t identify, felt pushed out of space and time. Threads weaving, fraying, overlapping, forming fractal patterns down to quantum scales, building higher dimensional frameworks of cross-temporal superpositions, all coming together right there–

“...so we couldn’t really even tell how old it is, which is where we hoped you guys would come in,” Blake was saying. “Palmer, you got any tips?”

I snapped back to reality at the mention of my name. I had spaced out again, unclear for how long.

“I, uh, need to get back to my office,” I said. “I can look into it once I have the preliminary analysis from Lee and Armand.”

“You sure?” Blake asked, in that way that wasn’t so much a question but an unspoken invitation. I found my shoulders relaxing and my mind wandering. His easy smile was so intoxicating, but there was also a glint in his eyes. A hunger, as he seemed to casually look me up and down, almost as if he was seeing through me. Synt was laser focused on Blake, a low pressure system of gathering power causing the sigils to change color, which I didn’t even know they could do. He clapped a strong hand against my bicep (when had he gotten that close) and said, “Anyways, always good running into you. Let me know what you find.”

Again, I felt that electric thrill run from his body into mine, except it was more like neurons firing. I had more clarity than last night and I could feel a complex undercurrent beneath that hunger, a need for something more, a vision of something bigger. The dam was once again threatening to burst, but I now had solid control over my own legs and began briskly heading to the door with a terse “Yep, I’ll keep you posted.”

I practically sprinted back up to my office, terrified of accidentally touching anyone for fear of producing another ten foot freakshow in the building for the second time that morning. My mind was a whirlwind of my own ever present horniness, mixed with Synt’s unrelenting power, and their clear frustration at being taken away from their favorite willing subject. Blake was becoming their muse, in some weird way, and we both needed a pressure valve. But underneath Synt’s frustration was something else. My own itch of power and possibility and the knowledge that I could so easily scratch it.

I tried to be productive at my desk that morning. My muscles would clench periodically as I held in waves of Synt’s magic, my body and mind fatiguing in the face of an unstoppable force. Taunting me, Synt would dangle images of possibilities so close within reach. How easy it would be for Blake to expand into a wall of juicy muscle, having to turn his body to get his shoulders through the doorway but having his bubble butt get stuck anyways. Armand was already cool with having a monster cock, maybe he’d appreciate an even twenty inches. That’d look amazing. And would it hurt to give Jamal a few more inches in height? Maybe even a foot? I imagined him walking into my office growing steadily taller, head bumping against the ceiling then punching through as plaster rained down–

I slammed my palms firmly on the table and stared for as long as possible at a wall of unread emails, comprehending not a single one.

“I need to get some air.”

—

I took the stairs and headed to the bike rack around the back of the building. Walking around aimlessly felt too risky in the state I was in. Too much proximity, too many opportunities for accidental direct contact. I had felt like I could see into Blake’s soul when he grabbed my arm, like I could’ve granted his wildest, horniest fantasies with a thought. I shivered at the knowledge that Synt would co-sign exactly this brand of recklessness. I felt like I was burning with static. I could practically see it dancing along my skin. I was in no condition to be milling about in a crowd until I got around to relieving even a fraction of this pressure.

“David!” hailed a voice nearby as I was squeezing on my helmet. I looked over to see Noah, my former student who had been blessed (or cursed) by Synt in more ways than one. Not only did he end up with a set of hips and ass cheeks that comically ballooned from his otherwise thin frame, but had also fallen into a pattern of stumbling into bigger and bigger dicks around town. I reasoned that the man with him was likely his latest beau, due not just to the hand wrapped around Noah’s tight waist, but the snake smuggled into his right pant leg. The spell, apparently, had not yet been broken.

“Noah!” I responded, “looks like you’re doing as well as possible after this last semester.”

“That’s one way to put it,” he said, rolling his eyes. “This reminds me, I need to chat with you again about that…positive feedback loop I’ve been dealing with.”

“I can imagine,” I winked, pretending not to notice the twitch of his acquaintance’s massive bulge as he shifted his hand down to rest on Noah’s round booty. Was Noah just magically happening on these already huge dicks or was he unknowingly bending reality every time he set his eyes on a new crush? Was there an upper limit? To any of this? Much to investigate, I thought, but resolved to cut the conversation short before my imagination once again got the best of me. “Shoot me an email, I’ve got plenty of time this week,” I said, speeding off away from campus.

I hadn’t had time to change into my cycling gear, not that those lycra shorts did anything to mitigate the size of my ass. I had made peace with the fact that my bodacious buns were simply always on display, in this instance encased in a skirt and tights, the bike seat completely disappearing beneath them. There wasn’t much I could do about it, and honestly, I liked the attention.

I felt free weaving through the city streets, regardless of the fact that I was fighting for my life against late morning traffic. It was a welcome respite from the stifling air of my office, the wind cooling me down and alleviating at least some of the magical irritation covering my entire body. I didn’t know where I was going, and didn’t really care. Plus, I was moving too fast to focus on any one person for long enough to give them an impromptu BBL. Instead, the cityscape just felt like waves of passing static, tiny glimpses of people’s fantasies and desires that were gone as soon as they were detected, with the occasional ping of attention from a pair of eyes that had locked on to my bubble butt as it cruised through their field of vision.

For the length of a few city blocks, one of these pings of focus didn’t seem to leave me, and as I came up at a stoplight I turned around to see another cyclist flashing me an awkward and quickly thrown together smile of greeting, as if to insist that he hadn’t just been ogling me up and down.

“Can’t blame ya,” I said with a smile and nod, plus a wink for good measure. He was cute. He looked like he was a bike messenger by the rectangular pack balanced behind his shoulders, the well developed forearms and quads, and a look of practiced exertion that said he wasn’t just out here for the endorphins. I was sure he was perpetually in a hurry, so I figured I should literally get out of his lane while on my metaphysically horny break from work.

I meandered right as he continued straight, letting my eyes linger on his meaty calves just long enough to almost crash headlong into a sporty coupe in a mediocre attempt at parallel parking. I swerved out of the way as he honked and yelled “Dick!” just loud enough for me to hear through the half rolled down driver's side window.

What I said in response was not my wittiest comeback or even the most well thought out public interaction, but I had to offer a counter while still within earshot. But as I yelled “Super dick!” back at the finance bro emerging from his car, I immediately regretted the decision, feeling Synt’s power slip through the ether.

“You know I didn’t mean that!” I said aloud to the otherworldly being in my head. “You don’t understand epithets? Metaphors and what not?”

They sent the impression of a lazy shrug.

“What does super dick even mean? Like what did that do?”

Another shrug.

I was worried. What did I just accidently curse this guy with? Should I go investigate? What would that even mean? I thought maybe I could fix whatever it was. Use some string of words to undo whatever it is I just did.

I circled the block, parking my bike in front of the fancy building my unsuspecting victim had presumably been about to enter. It looked like it probably had moderate security and I had no plan of entry, and was definitely not dressed like I had any important business downtown. Entering through the big glass revolving doors, I locked eyes with the security desk, trying to look as casual as possible on my approach while they gave me a bored once over. In my performance of nonchalance, I glanced to the left and breathed a sigh of relief as I spotted my mark at the register of a lunch place on the bottom floor. With a curt smile to security, I changed direction, slipping into the line of the sandwich shop.

In the bustle of the lunch rush, I spotted him sitting on a stool at the bar along the window, drinking a green smoothie, scrolling on his phone, and pulling out a small laptop. I kept my eyes on him as the line progressed, looking for anything out of the ordinary, but he was the image of business class normalcy, perched on his stool in a designer suit and tapping away at some spreadsheet.

I picked up my sparkling green tea and bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich (I actually was hungry) and found that one of the few available seats left was, luckily, right next to him.

Incredibly, he seemed to be unaware that I was the person who had almost taken off his side mirror with my right hip, studiously ignoring me as I ate my sandwich and glanced at my phone to see multiple texts from Lee. I opened the latest one but was interrupted by a grunt of discomfort from my new friend. He shifted in his seat and glanced briefly at me, his cheeks reddening slightly as he continued working. A few minutes later, another shift in position, chugging the rest of his smoothie before folding his hands into each other and resting his head against them. There was a sheen of sweat on his forehead as he glanced around quickly and held himself in a tense position, trying to focus on his laptop screen.

When I was just about to return to whatever it was Lee felt the need to triple text about, he let out a heavy sigh as his breathing deepened, then glancing around again, carefully got up and turned towards me.

“Watch my stuff?” he asked tersely, the sheen of sweat on his face turning to visible beads.

That’s when I felt it. The now familiar resonant strum of reality warping magic that told me Synt’s power was at work.

“Uh, yeah,” I mumbled through bites of my sandwich, my eyes flitting down as I noticed a jump of movement along his pant leg.

“Thanks,” he grunted, turning to power walk to the bathroom, his bubble butt–which I didn’t remember being there before–swishing back and forth in his slacks.

I waited a solid twenty minutes–okay, more like fifteen–before following him to investigate further.

As I entered the bathroom, it was empty except for one occupied stall, the lemony scent of cleaning products overlaid with something musky and slightly metallic. There had been a soft moan coming from the occupied stall, which seemed to self-consciously quiet down in response to the sound of the door closing and my footsteps heading to one of the urinals. I did my business like normal as the moans slowly increased in intensity, interspersed with grunts and low utterances.

“Oof, fuck,” I heard a whisper, recognizing what little I had heard of the finance bro’s voice.

“Is everything okay in there?” I asked innocently with a light knock on the stall, knowing good and well some supernatural fuckery that I had personally caused was well underway.

“All good, I just–augghhhh!”

You’ll have to believe me when I say the stall door opened on its own.

My new friend was sitting on the toilet with his pants up and his fly open. He was breathing heavy and drenched in sweat, eyes widened in surprise as he saw me standing there, which shifted to a look of lust and urgent need as he drank me in. He seemed in visible distress, which probably had something to do with the rock hard dick that was reaching into the air just past his left shoulder.

“Sorry, I–” he was cut off as it seemed to jump up another inch, spurting a glob of precum that fell to the floor. His hands slid desperately up and down the length of his shaft, each one barely able to reach halfway around. With another spurt of pre, I noticed his fingers slightly pushed farther apart.

“It…it won’t stop until I…”

“Not my first rodeo,” I cut him off, entering the stall fully and closing the door behind me. “Do you mind if I help?” I asked, gesturing to his angry purple cockhead.

He nodded enthusiastically in relief and anticipation, his face contorting as another spasm hit.

Even with my repertoire of accidental and deliberate magical augmentations, I could only extend my jaw so far, struggling to make it several inches down his massive member, starting slow and building with intensity.

A little help here? I asked Synt, who responded with gusto, my mouth and throat suddenly seeming to defy the laws of physics as I eased farther and farther down the shaft. Finance bro was blissfully unaware of the pocket dimension that his dick had now fully disappeared into as his head lolled back in ecstasy.

“No one’s…been able to do this…in so long,” he muttered as his breath became erratic and he began involuntarily thrusting into me.

I worked my way diligently up and down, now moaning along with him in pleasure as I swallowed his impossible schlong. His whole body began to spasm with burgeoning orgasm, blasting several shots of jizz directly into my throat that I hungrily gulped, hoping whatever this pocket dimension situation was could also handle his huge load.

I pulled myself off his dick, his mushroom head emerging from my lips with a pop. But as his eyes rolled back and his breathing continued to crescendo, I realized he wasn’t done. Those had actually been the initial volleys to what turned into a geyser of cum, gushing uncontrollably against the wall for at least another thirty seconds, rope after rope splattering behind him as he tried desperately to bite back a primal scream that would have definitely alerted the rest of the establishment (and maybe even the offices above).

Finally, he spent his load, visibly exhausted. He leaned his head back as his dick began to mercifully deflate, landing softly on his face and leaving a trail of slime as it shrank to a much smaller, but massive by any other standards, flaccid state.

I heard a loud gurgle emanate from my belly full of jizz, along with a wave of disorientation that left me leaning against the wall for support. Noticing this, he came back to his senses, his blissed out grin fading into self-conscious clarity.

“This uh, happens sometimes,” he said, with an air of comically misplaced masculine professional decorum that was so out of place I may have actually laughed out loud.

“Sometimes?” I repeated, as he carefully maneuvered his donkey dick back into what looked like a specially made pouch running along his pant leg. My stomach gurgled again, louder this time, and the wave of disorientation came along with a full body spasm. I felt my muscles tensing and becoming denser with muscle as my body stretched against the fabric of my carefully fitted clothes, my ass expanding to press up against the door behind me. When I came back to my senses, I recognized the wave of disorientation as a sudden growth spurt, leaving me a couple inches taller. This might as well happen, I thought, taking note of how the top edge of the stall was now right at eye level. During my brief ordeal, finance bro had jumped up to support me with arms that were much stronger than they looked, a bold move seeing as I had already towered over him.

“...Yeah, no idea,” he said, as if referring to a WiFi outage and not a magnitude jumping jizz volcano baseball bat dick that also apparently had its own growth powers. “Hey, uh, text me sometime,” he added, then materialized a business card in his hand, and slipped it into my pocket. “You were amazing.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and a jocular pat on my butt, then turned to stroll out of the bathroom like he hadn’t just painted the wall with cum.

Men. I managed to be exasperated in spite of being wildly horny, not to mention mildly worried about the magic mega wang that I had accidentally set loose on the city. Maybe I should follow up with him, just to fill him in on this whole situation, I thought. But it seems like he’s actually doing fine.

Mmhm, came a self-satisfied smirk from my companion.

I cleaned myself up as best I could, debating whether I should leave a tip with a note attached apologizing for the large puddle of jizz in the middle stall. As I looked myself over in the mirror, I noticed that while I had grown, it hadn’t been by that much in terms of basic physical metrics, but I seemed…more powerful. Like inherently I knew my musculature was much more capable than it looked–and it looked like I was verging on pro bodybuilder. “Super dick,” I mused, with a wry smile.

I came out to see my bathroom dalliance strolling coolly down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the window, heading back to the pretentious coupe that started all this. I tossed what was left of my lunch, walked out, grabbed my bike, and resolved to make it back to the office without incident.

—

Incident came ten minutes later as I pulled up to a stoplight and found myself parked behind my cyclist friend. Now it was my turn to fall into a trance at the sight of his toned, heart shaped bubble butt.

“Can’t blame ya,” he said with a wink.

And now it was my turn to blush as I was caught staring. My encounter with the finance bro had left me even more riled up with still no release, and I was losing any cool I thought I had.

“We’ve, uh, gotta stop meeting like this,” I said with a nervous chuckle as I caught his gaze.

“No, we can definitely keep meeting like this,” he retorted.

“Cute and confident,” I said. So it was a meet-cute. “Aren’t you at work right now?” I teased. “Or is the messenger bag just for show?”

“For you, I’m on break,” he said with a defiant smile.

“Oh so this is just your workout,” I replied, deciding to test the waters for a little fun. “You’re not skipping leg day apparently.”

“Look who’s talking!” he exclaimed with mock surprise. “You sure you’re not an Olympic cyclist with those yams?”

“Yams? It’s all aesthetic, you’ve definitely got me beat.”

And there it was. I felt Synt’s power slip out, my eyes widening in realization. How did I not catch that? I thought.

Time–the relative timespace of this conversation between me and my bike messenger crush–seemed to slow down and shift textures. Through Synt’s extrasensory abilities, I could again see timelines breaking, shifting, and reforming in the space around the cyclist’s lower half. His quads, hams, and glutes–especially glutes, I noticed–seemed to pixelate and come back together as they found the path of least resistance to match Synt’s interpretation of my command. I stared, awestruck, as his musculature seemed to inflate in real time as it moved through temporal lenses, his cargo pants adjusting along with the growing shelf of ass overtaking his bike seat, until suddenly they were replaced with lycra, stretched tight across a colossal booty. Still the same heart shaped ass, just scaled up and disproportionately juicy on top of some serious hamstrings.

“Haha, guess so,” he said, with the air of someone used to people staring blankly at his huge cakes. “Honestly, I thought this bike gig would slim me down some, but it just seemed to make things worse.” He patted one round cheek, sending a jiggle through his lycra shorts that could stop traffic.

The light changed, signaling that the meet-cute was drawing to a close.

“Maybe I’ll see you around,” he said. “Name’s Devon.”

“Uh, David,” I responded, as he kicked off and cruised through the green light. I stood entranced by the ass I had just magically inflated, before I got myself together and headed off in a different direction back towards my office.

You know I didn’t mean that, I said to Synt, who didn’t seem to care.

---

I did feel somewhat relieved as I jogged up the stairs of my building, yet still in persistent need of some sort of relief. Finding the door slightly open, I was pleasantly surprised to find just the person who could tide me over.

“Lee!” I exclaimed. “Thank god you’re here. You down for a quickie?”

“That’s not why I’m here,” he responded. “But, I mean, yeah,” he followed up, long dick jumping down his pant leg in anticipation. Lee lounged against my desk, his lithe body posted up casually as he flipped through some book that he had happened to grab off the shelf, probably bored waiting for my return. Instead of the usual easy smile with an undercurrent of indulgent lust, he looked all business, like he had an important message. “Did you get my emails? My texts?” he asked. “We had some…interesting preliminary findings from the artifact that Blake brought in. Wait, are you taller?”

“Interesting how?” I asked, stripping off my leggings before remembering to kick the door closed behind me. “And yes, I’ll fill you in on the latest.”

He shut the book, leveling a look of tentative excitement in my direction, briefly obscured as he whipped his shirt off. “We need to go do some fieldwork.”

#male tf #ass growth #butt growth #dick growth

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maturemenoftvandfilms · 9 months

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My Top 10 US Senators (2023)

This post is for 'My Top 10 US Senators' I'd like to fuck and is purely based on appearance, not politics. If you don't agree, either scroll onwards, post your own idea or try another blog.

#10. Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)

An American lawyer and politician serving as the senior United States senator from Rhode Island. Cute little guy whose diminutive height 5 feet 7 inches on a good day, makes him a perfect pocket daddy.

#9. Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL)

A former American football coach, former player, and Republican politician. He’s what you think a senator would look like. I’d love to fuck around in bed with him for a weekend.

#8. Sen. Gary Peters (D-MI)

An American politician and businessman serving as the junior United States Senator from Michigan since 2015. A bearded, buttoned-down genial Midwesterner known in the Senate mostly for steering as far clear from the spotlight as he possibly can. One ally calls him a “worker bee,” while a Republican describes him as “about as exciting as a bowl of cold oatmeal.” I’d call him hot as hell.

#7. Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV)

An American politician serving as the senior United States senator from West Virginia, a seat he has held since 2010. Another politician who has a lot of political hate, but I fuck him. And if I’m the only one who wants to ride him till he busts. So be it. If Virginia is for lovers, I say West Virginia is for fuckers.

#6. Sen. Tim Kaine (D-VA)

An American lawyer and politician serving as the junior United States senator from Virginia since 2013. Just by the look in his eyes makes me think Tim could be a hell of a good fuck. Nothing to base that on.

#5. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

An American politician serving as the senior United States senator from South Carolina, a seat he has held since 2003. Of course I’ve got my senate bottom bitch, Sen. Graham here. I kinda understand all the political hate, but I think he’s a mature southern gentleman from my state and I’d love to beat his ass like he stole something from me. And when I’m done with him, I’ll send him over to the next guy as I know I’m not the only one who’d fuck him.

#4. Sen. Mike Rounds (R-SD)

An American businessman and politician serving as the junior United States Senator from South Dakota since 2015. I need to give Sen. Rounds, who I affectionally call “Mike Pounds” some more love. Because he could get “The Dick,” some ass or what ever he wants from me.

#3. Sen. Eric Schmitt (R-MI)

An American lawyer and politician serving as the junior United States senator from Missouri since 2023. The newest senator is tall at At 6’6”, handsome and wears boots. That's enough for me to want more of him.

#2. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

An American politician and attorney serving as the junior United States Senator for Texas since 2013. Honestly, Ted's here and this high only to piss off liberal, super political fuckers who can't separate looks from politics. Now that doesn't mean I don't want him naked in my bed with my jizz all over his face.

#1. Sen. Jon Tester (D-MT)

An American politician serving as the senior United States Senator from Montana, in office since 2007. If you didn’t know that Jon would be my #1, you must be a new follower.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse Sen. Rand Paul Sen. Ron Johnson

#top 10 list #top ten list #jon tester #jack reed #ted cruz #mike rounds #eric schmitt #tommy tuberville #tim kaine #lindsey graham #joe manchin #gary peters #us senator #american politician #politician

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just2dare · 2 years

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10 dares for a curious wife and a supportive hubby. This could be the start of our adventures. Each with increasing difficulty

10 days easy vacation dares for the wife :

Day 1. Go braless around hotel/town with a light sundress. Make love 1 time. Stay braless every day.

Day 2. Buy and keep wearing a showy anklet from now. Start a chastity week for hubby.

Day 3. Afternoon alone by the pool, with smiles et small talks to others tourists/men/couples. Make friends.

Day 4. With hubby, socialize and sympathize with another fine couple. Be flirty. Give yourself an orgasm alone in the bathroom thinking about them or other persons you met there.

Day 5. Beach day. Wear a nice bikini and get a nice tan. Show the goods. Walk along the beach, with and without hubby, several times. Try to get noticed by a lot of people. Tease hubby.

Day 6. Talk day with hubby. Ask him about his fantasies, tell him about yours. Keep playing all day long. Make him as hard as you can, but only with your words. Don’t touch him. Remember him he’s in the middle of a chastity week. He can’t touch himself, he can’t cum.

Day 7. Pool day with hubby and the couple you met. Compliment them on their fit, their tan, parts of their bodies (you’re tall, you’re muscular, you’ve got nice breasts, nice legs, etc.) Stay balanced between the husband and the wife. Force them, with questions and fakes complaints, to examine your body too (what do you think about my swimsuit?, it makes my ass look fat, I wish my boobs were bigger, I don’t like my feet, etc.) Back in your room, tell hubby how you stared at the man’s bulge and how big you imagine his cock can be. Give yourself an orgasm in front of hubby.

Day. 8 Beach day with hubby and the other couple. Wear a beach dress without any underwear to go there. Put down your towel, take your bikini out of your bag and put it on while removing your dress in front of everybody. Make sure they see you naked for a brief moment. Talk about sex at several times. Be a bit more kinky (I hate having sand/salt into my pussy, I think that guy over there was looking at my tits, this guy is hot, we can almost see his cock outline, etc.) While hubby is alone in the water, tell them you haven’t had sex since the first day you’re here (don’t tell them why) and it drives you mad. Tell them you can’t stop thinking about filthy things these days.

Day 9. Release day. Paint your nails. Go for a walk around town with hubby. Wear a sundress, a thong and no bra. Tell him you’re finally gonna make him cum today, but first make him walk a lot. Take some steps ahead. Let him watch how cute you are, dressed like this. Be confident, take him by the hand. Kiss him in public, and discreet corners. Make him hard, feel his cock through his shorts. Back to the hotel, pull out his cock in the elevator. Pull him like this through the hallway to the bedroom. Stroke it a few times on the bed. Get him to the edge, massage his balls. Ask him how much cum he got for you. Squeeze his balls. Look at his turgid penis leaking precum. Ask him to hold on, but subtly push him to cum. Order him to jerk off, and just look at him busting his big nut on his stomach, all by himself. Spread the sperm around with your hand, taste your fingers while looking at him in the eyes. Take a shower, come back naked, ask him to fuck you now. Make him hard again by telling him all the slutty thoughts you had during this week. Tell him how you imagined sucking and riding all those dicks. Ask him to fuck you the hardest he can to punish you for your dirty thoughts. Let him cum as much as he can.

Day 10. Last day. Offer the other couple to spend the last evening together at the restaurant. Tie your hair up, wear a black dress, no underwear, and a red lipstick. Now you're freewheeling, let things happen naturally, or not. Maybe you'll all end up in the same bedroom, swinging couples. Maybe alone, one on one with the wife or the husband, or both, while hubby is watching. Or maybe just with hubby, as a couple in love, making new memories or fantasies.

patreon.com/textfantasy

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starsstuddedsky · 1 year

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hi hi hi! im a new follower but already so invested in "as a matter of fact". i think the storyline is amazing and i can't wait for more updates >< and my wish to your star is a fic of a love triangle b/w seungkwan, wonu and our girl y/n :) if you decide to accept this (totally cool if you don't) - i think a uni au would be nice with tons of fluff and angst. and you can decide who to end up with! thank you for reading this, your works are amazing and take care <33

Date #4

seungkwan x reader, wonwoo x reader

summary: Seungkwan and the crushing realization of having feelings for a friend

genre: angst, fluff, uni au

warnings: food mention, alcohol mention, swearing(?)

wc: 2.4k

a/n: hello!!! tysm for this request!! first of all, i'm sorry it took me so long to get to this, i was in a bit of a writing rut and also real life is so difficult.. that said i had a lot of fun writing this and i hope it isn't took different from what you imagined!! i'm not the biggest fan of love triangles (read: i despite them) so idk how this turned out.. pls pls enjoy </3

req masterlist | guidelines

Seungkwan has his apron on, tied behind his back in a bow (a skill he learned during the two months he survived working at Foot Locker). He chose all black, turtleneck tucked into his loose jeans, even digging out the sneakers he got (discount price) when he thought he was actually going to run every day. He shudders at the memory of wearing the Foot Locker uniform, thankful yet again to find a job at Soren’s. Close to campus, minimal dress code and iced Americanos whenever he wants them. Plus it rarely gets busy, so most of the time Seungkwan gets paid to read behind the counter.

He drums his fingers on the counter, scanning the limited view of the sidewalk that the window provides. If only he could take down the giant poster, promoting some campus band, especially since the concert was two months ago.

He smiles at the memory. Two months ago, the first of these little schemes. You wore your favorite jeans and the purple sweater, with the swirly patterns that Jihoon makes fun of for looking like obscene shapes. Seungkwan had to promise you that Jihoon was just being immature, and there were middle fingers and dicks absolutely nowhere on you.

That was back when you still had faith in your dates.

He can see two pairs of shoes underneath the poster, the Sketchers he got you (also discount price) and unfamiliar Nikes that are gray and worn down. Seungkwan is tempted to pour the cup of water already.

Because of the cursed poster, he can’t see you until you’re opening the door, the little bell jingling softly. It’s still a fond noise to Seungkwan, a notice that customers have arrived and he’ll have to actually earn his paycheck. Jeonghan, the other barista, hates the noise, obvious by the way he drags his feet approaching the register. He shoots a glare at Seungkwan as he walks past, though he agreed to this at the start of the shift.

“Welcome to Soren’s, how can I help you?” Jeonghan asks in a cheery voice. He stands straight and even though his back is to Seungkwan, he knows that the older boy is flashing a blindingly bright smile and perfectly covering his disdain for the job.

From his stool on the corner, Seungkwan gets the perfect vantage point to judge your date. He’s tall, broad shoulders, wearing a loose navy blue sweater and brown corduroy pants. A point in his favor, definitely better than Failed Date #2 (Seungkwan still wants to know who let him go on a date in flip flops and board shorts). He has thick glasses, round frames that sit perfectly on the bridge of his nose, which is straight and looks like it’s never been broken (a step up from Failed Date #1, who managed to break his nose during the date).

This date was set up by Jun (much more reputable than Mingyu by Seungkwan’s judgment). According to Jun, he met the dude in his freshman English class, and cited him as the sole reason Jun passed the class. “Certified genius” were the exact words he used to describe Jeon Wonwoo.

You order first, though Seungkwan doesn’t need to listen to know what to make. He gets off the stool, hands moving without looking; he’s made your order so many times since he started working here, he could do it in his sleep.

“I’ll take a caramel latte, iced,” Wonwoo says. His voice is smooth and deep, even Seungkwan feels his heart skip a beat. So far so good. He remembers a night where you were rather drunk and very rambly, and mentioned how you found deep voices attractive.

Seungkwan doesn’t miss how Wonwoo pays without a word, passing his card to Jeonghan before you can say anything. Another point to the Date #4. Seungkwan has to actually pay attention to his job now, ignoring the faces Jeonghan is making at him. He pours the drinks carefully, making sure nothing sticky is left on the outside of your cup since apparently he got syrup on it last time.

Seungkwan is proud of how quickly he finishes the drinks. He has gotten rather good at being a barista, though it feels arrogant to say. He sets them on the counter, calling out the order. You and Wonwoo stand at the same time, and your table is close enough for Seungkwan to hear the awkward laugh.

“Why don’t we go together?” You say, gesturing for him to lead the way. Wonwoo nods, and even though his back is to you, he still smiles. Seungkwan feels a prickle in his stomach watching you two walk up together. You look good together, he realizes.

You don’t look at him when you pick up your drink, muttering thank you under your breath. Seungkwan has to force himself to smile and nod at Wonwoo, who meets his eyes and thanks him, holding up his glass in a small toast.

He watches you return to your table and decides it has to be a good sign that you are avoiding him. It must mean the date is going well, since you aren’t making faces at him or giving him the signal.

You sit facing Wonwoo, though you’re also facing Seungkwan. He shifts the stool so that he can watch you out of the corner of his eye without outright staring. He’d hate to miss the signal like last time.

The minutes drag by. Seungkwan can’t hear much from behind the bar, but can he see your face light up in that lovely smile that makes your cheekbones pop, see the way you lean into the table when Wonwoo is talking. And even when both your drinks are empty and the ice is melting, you don’t make any move to get up or give him the signal.

Seungkwan sips on the cup of water before realizing he’s meant to spill it on you. He sets it down, realizing this means he has to resort to plan B. Even if you don’t look like you’re going to give the signal, he should stay ready. It’s his duty, as your friend.

Friend. He frowns at the word. That is, by definition, his relationship to you, someone with whom there is mutual affection. He is affectionate to you, but watching someone else make you smile, for the first time he wonders if affection is all he feels.

He ducks his head, wiping the counter down. These thoughts are dangerous, capacity-to-destroy-a-relationship level of dangerous. You’ve always been a precious friend to him, and he won’t throw it away because he maybe thinks he feels something.

It’s true he’s thought of it before; the first time was in the library, when someone wanted to borrow a chair and mistakenly thought you were dating. It was a careless mistake but for a moment Seungkwan entertained the thought. It passed quickly, his essay on data ethics taking priority, but every once in a while he’ll be by your side and wonder what it would be like to be more than friends. Passing thoughts that vanish before they can destroy him.

Seungkwan scrubs at the sink, waiting for this thought to pass, but it’s taken root in his stomach, twisting and turning. He has had one iced americano too many, and everything is a clouded mess.

“What are you doing?” Jeonghan hisses from next to him. “That’s the wrong rag!” He snatches the rag from Seungkwan’s hand, tossing it in the back. Jeonghan shakes his head. “I trained you better than this. Sponges and orange rags only for cleaning the sinks!”

“Sorry,” Seungkwan mutters, glancing back at you.

“It’s going well this time,” Jeonghan says. Seungkwan turns to see that Jeonghan isn’t even trying to hide his snooping. He’d shove the older boy if he didn’t think it would get him fired.

“Can’t you be subtle?” He whispers.

“No fun,” Jeonghan says, craning his neck to try and get a better look at Wonwoo.

“I never should have told you anything.”

“Nonsense, I’m an integral part of this team,” Jeonghan says. “Plus you’re conducting this on company property, I have to make sure you don’t get us sued or anything.”

“Since when have you cared about getting sued,” Seungkwan says, remembering last week when Jeonghan got into an argument with a customer.

“I care about getting sued when my protégé can’t focus on his job because he’s too busy being overly invested in the love life of his friend.”

“How noble.” Seungkwan dares to peek at you again. Is he imagining things?

No, you’re definitely tucking your hair behind your ear with both hands, though you aren’t looking at him. Still, the signal is the signal. Seungkwan ignores Jeonghan, grabbing the mop bucket from the back. It’s time to prove his worth.

The mop bucket clatters on the tiled floor, drowning out your conversation. Seungkwan decides it’s fate; he doesn’t need to know why you called for evacuation, he just needs to help get you out.

So he trips. He doesn’t know how convincing he is, especially when he puts most of his effort into tipping the bucket of water over via mop handle. Unfortunately, as he falls, Seungkwan realizes two things. First, he miscalculates how much strength it would take to tip the bucket, and instead of knocking it over, he sends it flying into the air. Second, he thought the water was still clean but Jeonghan must have mopped before his shift started because the water flying into the air is very soapy and very dirty.

Seungkwan falls flat on his back, mop handle clattering next to him. He squeezes his eyes and mouth shut as the water sprays all over.

“Oh. My. God.” He hears your voice and opens his eyes slowly. You sit in the chair, hand over your mouth and Seungkwan realizes he didn’t just spray himself.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asks. He stands, the chair kicking up mop water. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” He holds out a hand to Seungkwan, covered in mop water. Seungkwan tries to think of an excuse to say no but comes up with nothing, so he takes the other man’s hand and cringes when he notices the water on his glasses.

Seungkwan has failed before, but never this exponentially terribly.

“I’m fine.” Seungkwan says, unable to take his eyes off you. Why haven’t you gotten up yet?

“You’re sort of…” Wonwoo points to his chest. Seungkwan groans. He’s covered in the mop water, seeping through the apron. It’s probably all over his face.

“Here,” Jeonghan says, passing paper towels to you and Wonwoo. “I apologize for the clumsiness of my coworker, he’s new.” Jeonghan glares at Seungkwan, sticking a paper towel to his forehead.

“I’m so sorry,” Seungkwan chokes out, reaching up to peel the paper towel off his face and use it to wipe off some of the water. Maybe Jeonghan will let him go home early, or, even better, follow through on one of his threats and toss Seungkwan in the dumpster behind the store.

“It’s alright,” Wonwoo says. “Accidents happen, no harm no foul.”

You say nothing, staring at Seungkwan. He feels so small when you look at him like that, frown creasing your brow, like you don’t understand why he would do something like this, like you don’t know him at all.

“Sorry,” he mutters again.

“It’s fine,” you finally say, though your smile isn’t very convincing. “We’re fine, right?”

Wonwoo nods. “Absolutely fine, though I think I’ll have to wash this as soon as possible.”

“Oh,” you say. “Right. Me too, I guess.”

Wonwoo laughs. “I had fun, though.” Seungkwan knows that he should follow Jeonghan behind the counter but his feet are planted to the ground, stuck standing between you and Wonwoo listening to your very first successful blind date. Except you gave him the signal. Right?

“I’d like to do this again,” Wonwoo continues, “though maybe with slightly less water involved.” He glances at Seungkwan, as if just realizing that he’s still standing there. Everything in him screams to run but he can’t get his legs to move.

“Oh,” you say. You don’t look away from Wonwoo. “I… I think I’d like that too.”

Seungkwan’s heart drops. He hates the feeling immediately, he knows that he should be happy that you’ve found someone and yet his stomach still twists.

“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you,” Wonwoo says. He smiles at you one last time before walking toward the door. Seungkwan watches him leave, sees the exact moment he pauses (one foot out the door) to get one last look at you. And then he’s gone.

“What the hell, Seungkwan?” you cry as soon as the door shuts.

“You gave me the signal!” He says. He tucks invisible hair behind his ears with both hands. “Double tuck!”

You frown, probably trying to remember whether you actually did it or not. But Seungkwan knows it doesn’t matter. He should have seen how happy you were. With Wonwoo.

“I really am sorry,” he says, folding his arms.

“It’s alright,” you say before he finishes talking. “He didn’t take it badly. Actually, he took it quite well.” You smile. “I think I could really like him.”

Good, Seungkwan tries to say. Then, I’m happy for you. The words get stuck in his throat. And he knows why, the forbidden words lurking at the edge of his thoughts, the twisted sickness that has been growing for so long without his knowledge cannot be ignored anymore, not when it demands a name. Jealousy, the cruel monster.

Jealousy because without realizing it, he stopped thinking of you as just a friend. It’s not fair to call you anything more, but Seungkwan can’t keep pretending that this is enough, that he doesn’t want to imagine more. He’s spent too long denying it that the floodgates have opened and can’t pretend like he doesn’t want to be the one making you smile, the one you call in the middle of the night because you had a bad dream, the one you call in the middle of the day just because. He wants to look at you and not feel guilty.

But he knows you’ve never looked at him like that, not when you keep going on these dates. So what now? He can tell you the truth, risk losing you completely. Or he can stand back and watch you inevitably fall in love with Wonwoo, or some other man that sweeps you off your feet.

He stands before you, covered in mop water and sick to his stomach. And he makes a decision.

a/n2: i'm sorry if anyone doesn't like this ending i just really hate love triangles,, feel free to believe whatever you want about what happens next

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laundrybiscuits · 2 years

Text

(Continued directly from Part 1)

(Hanahaki AU tag : Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4)

There’s a bulging duffel bag at Steve’s feet. Eddie tilts his head. “Looks like you’re on your way somewhere yourself, Harrington.”

“Could be,” says Steve. “Depends.”

Eddie knows it’s a bad idea, knows he should just get in the van and drive away from this colossal mess without another word. It’s what he does: he runs. Instead, he hears himself say, “Depends on what?”

Steve uncrosses his arms and hoists the duffel bag over his shoulder, stalking closer. “Depends on whether my dumbass friend was planning to skip town without telling anyone.”

“Sounds like a real dick,” says Eddie weakly.

“Kind of a dick move, yeah. Especially ‘cause he’s been dodging my calls lately, and I had to find out from this butthead I used to babysit that he canceled his dumb dragon game for the rest of the summer.”

“And what part of that made you say golly gee, maybe I should pack a bag and stow away in his van?”

“It’s not stowing away if you know I’m there.”

Eddie pushes past Steve, his traitor heart kicking up at the knock of their shoulders. “Go home, Harrington. I just wanted to get out of Hawkins for a while. Go on a roadtrip, see some sights across this beautiful nation.”

Steve jogs around to the passenger side and slides right in, easy as anything. “Look, man, you know it’s not safe to pull shit like this alone. It’s not safe for anyone, but it’s a hundred times worse for you. I know I’m not your first pick, but I’m the one with spare time and extra cash, so…suck it up.”

It’s gonna hurt. More than that, it’s gonna get real complicated to have Steve around when things take a turn for the worse. Eddie doesn’t have a plan for this.

But he’s never been all that good at denying Steve anything at the best of times, and Steve is uprooting his whole life to go joyriding around the country for an unknown amount of time just because he wants Eddie to be safe. Steve is actually being really pushy about spending 24/7 together in a small, enclosed space, and Eddie’s got a selfish streak a mile wide that feels pretty damn good about having Steve all to himself for a while.

“Fine,” he says. “But if you touch that radio dial, I’m leaving you by the side of the goddamn road.”

———

A few miles out of town, Eddie pulls over. “Hang on, hang on, I just wanna—”

He hops out of the van and crouches down. He grabs handfuls of milkweed, joe pye, whatever he can find growing tall and colorful by the roadside.

“You planning to do something with those, Eddie?” Of course Steve wasn’t going to wait in the fucking passenger seat like a good boy.

“Just thought it’d be nice to have something in the van,” says Eddie. “Brighten up the place.”

People don’t do that. Nice people don’t, anyway. Happy families with the exact right amount of emotion parceled out and evenly matched like silverware sets.

“It’s kinda…dramatic, isn’t it?”

“Well, I’m a dramatic kinda bitch, Harrington. You’re the one who decided to be a freeloading stowaway.” Eddie climbs back into the van and dumps the flowers into the center console. A handful of half-wilted dogbane tumbles into the footwell. Steve makes a face and kicks it to the side as he gets back into his seat.

“Okay, first of all, I’m not a stowaway if you know I’m here. I’m literally not…stowing. Second, I told you I brought some money. I’m not freeloading. I’ll chip in for hotels or whatever.”

Eddie laughs and starts the van back up again. “Jesus, Harrington. You think we’re gonna be staying in hotels on this trip? I don’t live that kind of life, man. I put my mattress in the back. Think of it like a starter RV.”

“Oh, what the fuck, Eddie,” Steve whines.

“You’re the one who insisted on coming with me! Wait, is that…” He pulls over again, barely thirty feet down the road, scrambling out to grab big fistfuls of black-eyed susans. This time, Steve does stay in the van. The guy might actually be sulking a little, but Eddie refuses to feel bad about it; Steve will have a hundred other roadtrips in his life. This one’s Eddie’s.

The black-eyed susans fill up the center console and spill over. Eddie dumps the rest in the back, stray roots and dirt and all. There’s probably bugs in his stupid van now.

“Those your favorites or something?” Steve asks. Eddie’d filled his arms with as many black-eyed susans as he could carry, as many as he could see.

“Yeah,” says Eddie. “Got it in one.”

They’re not his favorites. They might be his least favorite flower in the entire world, now. But if there’s a bunch of them around, real plants that Steve saw him pick from the honest soil, then maybe the ones he’s been hacking up will fly under the radar a little longer.

(Snippet directory)

#hanahaki au #steddie #still thinking about this! like what does it MEAN to have flowers in your space if flowers have this heavy romantic/morbid connotation #I have even less of a plan than eddie so idek if I'll keep writing this or where it's going #but I got home today and this is what happened

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sagittariusmars2 · 1 year

Text

(Top to bottom) what do others dislike about u

Pile 1

People dislike how original you are and how nice/unbothered you are, people dislike how grounded you are and how close you are to your family. People dislike how intuitive you are and how none of people’s plans to mess with u work, people dislike how balanced you are and how easy life looks for you. People that you had bad sexual experiences with dislike u even if it’s their fault, people dislike you because of ur hair especially if it’s shaved/low or short. People dislike u because of how u dress especially if you’re plus size and wear tight/form fitting clothes, people dislike u because of your resting bitch face and you have a different way of thinking. Signs- libra/Taurus. Initials- Q, G, S

Pile 2

I see someone who’s between age 40-55 with short black hair may dislike you, people dislike you because you have more hair than them and you always smell good/great hygiene. People dislike you because you’re very feminine/intuitive, people dislike you because you’re a good girl/boy and you barely get in trouble or there isn’t a lot of people that dislike you. People dislike you because you make people insecure and anxious, people dislike you because you may not want something serious right now and people think ur a bit of a player even though you have potential for marriage/stability. People dislike you because you’re organized or you take care of your body and you’re very attractive. Signs- Leo, libra, Aries, Capricorn. Initials- R, X, Z, K, L, U

Pile 3

People dislike you because you’re good at predictions or manifesting things exactly how u want it, people dislike you because you have a lot of fun and you travel. People dislike u because you smoke and you’re very unbothered, people dislike you because it’s like you never do any wrong and ur patient. People dislike you because they can’t help but to watch you and people are jealous because of how may love offers/admirers you have, people are jealous of your job or of the opportunities coming to you. People are jealous of your clothes and style, people are jealous of your big/hypnotizing eyes & how you style/dye your hair. People are dislike how you always smell good or how you barely sweat, people dislike how social you are and how much people gravitate to u. Signs- Gemini, cancer, Taurus. Initials- K, H, Z, S, G, W, N, V

Pile 4

I see that people dislike how successful you are or what you do for work, people dislike creative/smart and motivated you are. People dislike how attracted they are to you lol they try to fight their feelings for u, people dislike how they have unrequited feelings for you. People dislike how tall u are or how big your feet/dick is or how wet you are, people dislike how even if your regular clothes you still look good/dressed up. People dislike how much money u have and how busy you are and your reputation. Signs- Aries/Pisces, initials- Q, T, F, W

Personal readings always available, please watch my 18+ pick a card reading on YouTube

youtube

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lsotp · 5 months

Note

§ Questions

1.) How did the 'sick' animals become rabid in the first place?

Were they the remnants of the K-9 Unit 2,000 years ago?

Maybe this is what the military is fighting against? Unlikely, but plausible.

2.) Why did Cobalt owe a dept to the Gasters?

Perhaps it had something to do with Lilith's secret while she was in the military?

Or maybe the Gasters save their lives in the face of war?

Who knows.

3.) Chapter 1. When Cobalt received a call from Gaster.

Gaster said there was an enemy unit headed to Fonston so he asked to settle at Helvetica farms to await the enemies.

What comprises the enemy unit?

Are they humans that didn't get turned? Or was it a rebellion comprised with the other monsters in Undertale that weren't skeletons?

Could the Calcians be killing off other monsters aside for them?

4.) NSFW QUESTION.

Since the SkeleMen are 10 feet tall and some are even taller than that, and (Y/N) is quite literally a 5'5 feet tall PYGMY skeleton.

Does the height affect the dick size?

Cause I'm gonna get even more worried if that the dick size correlates with the height-

I mean, in the latest chapter, she got gangbanged. I worry for her holes. And her well-being.

1. The rabid animals can plainly happen naturally in nature due to eating something else or being bitten by something else infected with rabies. That’s how it happened. Just nature- naturing.

2. I can’t elaborate too much on this, but you’re pretty close.

3. I also can’t elaborate on this. Let’s say there’s some major fuckery afoot. There’s clues and truly no end to how evil the institution is.

4. I’m sitting at work cackling like a tea kettle because of this. Long story short, yes. Yes it does. However I also have a belief that certain spots of the body can be changed at will with different things. Like their privates can be changed in shape, their ecto can warm up or cool down. The stomach can soften and all that fun stuff. Their BMI is based on the amount of magic they have.

My personal head cannon is that the males take care of the babies and keep them warm by letting them lay on their dad’s stomachs. It’s quite soothing to both and great bonding. :)

Also due to magic, no one is hurt. The biggest thing that aches for reader is her bones.

#She got bone-jangled #or is it bonetrousled?#lsotp #undertale au #undertale #should I make a new channel for theories where I can’t respond but people can post? can I even do that??

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dark-elf-writes · 6 months

Note

Hi! I’m quite bored right now and am in the mood for Gossip. So if your agreeable I’d like to ask you + your followers some questions. You can answer one, none, all, or whichever ones you want.

1. What’s an unfortunate piece of knowledge that you have?

2. Does your family have any secrets you don’t mind sharing?

3. What’s the weirdest/funniest reason you’ve broken up with someone/someone’s broken up with you?

4. If you had to get any body modification, what would it be?

5. Is there any funny/dramatic event that happened in your friend group/ a friend group you know of?

6. Is there a story you’ve been wanting to share but haven’t had the chance to?

7. Whose the strangest person you know and how?

8. Is there any drama/event you haven’t been able to stop thinking about?

Oooo this is fun let’s see

I have many but right now the only fun fact going through my head is that snakes have two dicks. I blame Dimension 20 and Hank Green for that being so readily available in my head and that I can’t think of anything else

Most of my family secrets are A Lot™️ and also very recognizable but for a tamer one? Not so much a secret as a weird tradition that makes no sense , my family does a “hunt” where you go run around in the woods looking for a fake creature as a right of passage for kids and people marrying in. It’s just a silly goofy thing that we don’t tell people about because it’s a surprise.

GOD I have so many breakup stories. The crowning achievement was one time I got broken up with because I was going to an anime convention that I told him about moths in advance and he didn’t want me “dressing like a slut for a bunch of nerds”. Jokes on him I had a great time and got laid by an incredibly attractive Deadpool cosplayer so like who was the real winner

Besides top surgery? I want pointy ears. I want to be an elf so bad. Let me be an elf.

So many. One of the stupider ones was beef over Sherlock. I don’t remember what it was about it was so long ago.

Oooo I have a lot of weird stories but I’ve shared a lot. Um. Might have told this one already but. One year when we had a snow storm on Halloween I was driving back from work when my car’s computer (how it was explained to me. Basically just the thing that tells the car it is running while it’s running) fried itself while I was driving. I pulled into a side road right Inc. don’t of a burger king with no power steering or anything and waited for my stepdad to come help. The problem? We had to push the car into the burger king parking lot and I was in five inch heels and a tiny Wednesday Addams dress with no coat. In 0 degree weather. We made it three steps before two massive “clearly works out on the nearby farms” looking guys jumped out of their F150 mid getting their food to help. I got several lectures about proper winter attire. The fact that I pulled out a massive Star Trek blanket from my backseat didn’t help for some reason. But I still picked that damn car in heels in snow and ice and deserve acknowledgment for that tbh.

Strange just by being kind of weird? Me. But if I’m not included there was a guy that worked with my dad that I called Scary Larry (he was probably not scary but he was over six feet tall and loud and I was a tiny undiagnosed neurodivergent child) he smoked three packs of cigarettes a day and the first house I ever broke into was his trailer when I was like eight when he and my dad boosted me through a window and I fell into a four foot tall wall of cassette tapes

Globally? No. Personally? Two people in my family have broken up with a partner they lived with, didn’t move out, and the ex’s new partner moved in with them in the worst roommate situation I can imagine. Two. Two separate people. I was baffled when it happened once!

#the elf talks

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borathae · 20 days

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chapter 1

“Thank you good sir” i havent seen this in a serious manner in a long time, and laughed cuz it sounded like 1890s memes 😭 im sorry

pulls the door open with ease. NO WAY I PUSHED AN PULL DOOR BYE U DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK SOME OF US LIKE THAT 😭 violence i will be meditating

ALSO IS IT TAE OR JIN AAH HOLD ON JOON IS TALL TOO maybe kook??

“I’ve been a student here for quite some time actually” this sits at the same table as "how long have you been 17? a while"

oh it was jooniebug WHY IS OUR PRESIDENT A DICK 😭😭

“At least I don’t look like a stoner from the seventies” JIN STOP, HOBI U LOOK AMAZING

funky what is funky why is funky when is funky where is funky how is funky who is funky

what is she studying to have history and human anatomy together?/srs. ooh literature with different stuff for minor

boi i havent heard the word coolio in a decade, the last time probably while reading ff in 2014

oh my god its the bad boy. is it yoongi? YES I WAS RIGHT

4 HOUR LECTURE ON ONE TOPIC?? BOI I WOULD HAVE DIED AND RESURRECTED IN THAT TIME. i have 2 hour lectures with 5 minute after an hour and its amazing

"No reason really”, *plays why u always lying meme

Hoseok agrees with a quirk of his perfectly styled eyebrow. YES HIS EYEBORWS ARE HOT AS FUCK

ofc kook is a sports major

rest of the Alpha dirt”, damn hoseok really got beef with them

status from royal blood? eww hoseok is slay for that *me acting like i wasnt being a thot while reading yoongi, tae, kook drabbles/oneshots

FUCK SOCIETY

“Dear lord, give me strength”, jin and joon with bangtan

JIMIN WTF U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIL FLUFF BEAN *bitch stop u knew how they were in the beninging(yes i misspelled for the meme) YES KICKING IN THE SHIN SUPREMACY

what is a hacky sack? i found out its a game? but what is he exactly studying lol?

also its the way she is making friends and talking to people LIKE SHE SPOKE WORDS YALL could never be me, sure i would have asked someone to help me to my classes but i wouldnt be talking after that, would have said im busy even though im not

if you would excuse me, but you’re quite weird, BYE IM LEAVING THE EARTH THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IM EMBARRASSED you can find me in 134340 business days, where i will be rotting under my blankie bye

“Perfect, now that everyone is welcomed accordingly. an example of when theater theaters in the most theater form

It leaves you wondering what he meant with that. u know what he meant by that, this is where you do the whole twilight thing

“I feel I just witnessed a man high on three different drugs theatre kids in a nutshell (apparently people on tumblr are either gay, english major or a theatre kid, and i sent the meme to my friends, guess what they said................... "looks like you fit all three category" our schools dont have it, but im apparently a theatre kid to them 😭)

WHY DOES THIS MAN WANT TO KILL ME SHUT UP I HATE YOU GO AWAY *gets closer again

How is he walking that quietly you walk with your entire feet, part by part, like in those "special" shoes ads, that helps in reducing sound. slow yet quick

“well, that is indeed a predicament.” oof so elegant, classy, AND RUDE (there 2seok, happy?)

your voice actually comes out squeaky. girl mine would have came quiet yet squeaky way before 😭

BABY CONNECT THE DOTS HOW DID THEY GET THAT FAST QUIETLY??

let’s get the 1860 one.” IS SHE THAT SPECIAL?? WHATS GOING ON AAAH

Seokjin actually answers him with a quiet “yeah!” OFC HE WOULD DO THAT

THEY GOT DEAD BODIES IN THE FREEZER

If you died here tonight EXACTLY U GONNA DIE BYE GIRL, YOU WILL (NOT) BE MISSED jk jk lol

ig kook is scared of girls *eww that was cringe bye Maybe he just needed to take a really urgent shit OH MY GOD PLS😭😭 this is going to stay in my mind forever, everytime i see him running im gonna think of this no doubt

“exactly, that is the reason. He is really shy.” aww such a shy lil bean OK BUT IK THATS NOT THE REASON *inserts suspicious hobi eyes

you must have the crispiest oxygen sounds like an indian water ad, that said "more of oxygen " Arrey yaar h2o water has not turned into h2o2 toxic hydrogen peroxide 😭

i love ur descriptions, they are very picturable and i love the vibes. it is soo good, i could smell the place? the seats, library, just the university smell, restaurant. it was great. i dont think my words do any justice lol

NO WAY I PUSHED AN PULL DOOR BYE U DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK SOME OF US LIKE THAT 😭 violence i will be meditating

I think this is like a universal human experience to push a few pull doors lmaooa

ALSO IS IT TAE OR JIN AAH HOLD ON JOON IS TALL TOO maybe kook??

questions over question mhmhmmhm

oh it was jooniebug WHY IS OUR PRESIDENT A DICK 😭😭

QUESTIONS OVER QUESTIONS INDEED

what is she studying to have history and human anatomy together?/srs. ooh literature with different stuff for minor

honestly? i gotta be honest with you, don't think too deeply about the logistics of her studies. i chose her courses for the sake of plot and nothing else LMAOAO

boi i havent heard the word coolio in a decade, the last time probably while reading ff in 2014

coolio still slaps like 10/10 word (also you see how I made them using "outdated" words wink wink almost as if they were from a different time wink wink)

oh my god its the bad boy. is it yoongi? YES I WAS RIGHT

BADBOY YOONGI AWOO

Hoseok agrees with a quirk of his perfectly styled eyebrow. YES HIS EYEBORWS ARE HOT AS FUCK

THEY ARE THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT

ofc kook is a sports major

djjfja thinking back, it makes no sense for him to also study JFJDAFJ (you'll understand it later fasdjfj)

JIMIN WTF U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIL FLUFF BEAN *bitch stop u knew how they were in the beninging(yes i misspelled for the meme) YES KICKING IN THE SHIN SUPREMACY

HAHHHAHAH he may have tricked you fadjfjas

what is a hacky sack? i found out its a game? but what is he exactly studying lol?

yes it's a game fakdsfka in theory he studies dance PLEASE don't think too much about the logistic I literally just went with vibes

i get both sides like i would want to make friends but would be too scared that they would hate me FADJFJ if people like 2seok talked to me though? helloooooo :)

if you would excuse me, but you’re quite weird, BYE IM LEAVING THE EARTH THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IM EMBARRASSED you can find me in 134340 business days, where i will be rotting under my blankie bye

hahahahhaha this part is actually so embarassing bHAHAHHAHAHAH

i don't get the hate on theater kids, all I see is people who don't fit into the "societal norm" and are therefore labelled as weird losers. we don't have stuff like "theater kid" or "sports kid" in Austria either becuse school is solely there to study not to offer clubs but I still never understood the weird hatered some clubs get in America jfdjfa

THEY GOT DEAD BODIES IN THE FREEZER

👀👀👀👀

as for now it seems like he is ooooh 👀

“exactly, that is the reason. He is really shy.” aww such a shy lil bean OK BUT IK THATS NOT THE REASON *inserts suspicious hobi eyes

SUSPICIOUS INDEED MHHHHM

OMGG THANK YOU!! gosh this is actually such a big compliment :( I'm so happy to know that I managed to really make you exprience the place gaaah thank you for this review heheh 💜💜

#asks: sanguis alpha #asks #minusback #tw: long post

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