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ganondoodle · 11 months

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i know i said i wouldnt be ranting about totk anymore, but i realized i didnt really count the sage dungeons as story (dont ask me why) so i thought im gonna write a better summarized version of my opinion about totk (i have around 60% of the game, all lightroots, not yet all shrines (missing like .. 20 or so, know the reward), not all krogs (dont know the reward), not all mayoi (half know the reward?) )

(in no particular order)

good stuff (in my opinion)

the. MUSIC! god the music is good, it was good in botw too but now with much more different bosses it really is probably one of my fav soundtracks of all time (most fav are all three phases of the end fight, the pre-fight to that, the build up one before all of those, Frosgeira (wind tempel boss) the glorious mASTER KOGA and more tbh)

the build up and end boss fight(s) are fantastic, i dont think im ever not gonna have my heart racing when approaching it (despite now skipping almost the entire way bc i set a teleport thing right before it) just bc the build up is so well made and the music(again) is such a banger and the fight(s) itself is so fun too, tbh i keep wanting to play it just bc its so fun

i LOVE how many themes play into the music (endfight alone had so many layers, fav probably is ganondorfs classic theme and calamity ganons both in the same piece among much more, and daruks theme in the fire temple)

(edit) YOU. CAN. TOUCH. DA. DRAGONS!!!!

ganondorf

ganondorfs design (x3)

ganondorfs weapon designs

ganondorfs voice (japanese)

everyone elses voice (japanese)

all voices (german)

thE YIGA!!! i love everythign about them and am so happy they got to be more than just some mini mission

(edit) also the fact that they get zonau tech to work without any special ghost powers is so ????

(edit) koga can summon and use zonau tech unlimited?? hes so cool

NO stealth mission!! (as far as im aware)

bosses are very different from each other

main dungeons are not too short and not too long and mostly fun (mostly bc i personally didnt like the gerudo one), i love that you can still somewhat cheese them and do them your way

sages felt like they got a bit more involved

(edit) you gotta do more stuff before getting to the actual dungeons and i really like that, feels less like a fetch quest but that you are actually helping

(edit) each sage is actually there in the dungeon and is required for it, which is great!

each settlement saw a much bigger danger/change (tho that has more impact if you have played botw) and its problems felt much more real

shrines are well varied tho i think overall a little easy (only got stuck on two so far and later solved them easily bc when i first started them i was tired and exhausted, no brain left lol)

NPCs felt less flat + more bigger sidequests that felt like they had more impact

cool new monsters + designs

the underground was pretty appropiately creepy

the sages abilities are neat

you can refight bosses!!

stable points system is a neat way to encourage you using them

weapon fusing is neat

(edit) the forest of the krogs being corrupted like that is both creepy and a neat nod to oot

(edit) the vai gerudo outfit being gone!! (one) evil has been defeated

(edit) the health bar going so far off the middle in ganondorfs second phase is honestly just funny hnjdfdjk unfortunate that you only need the master sword and with a few perfect dodges his health melts like butter in the summer

(edit) the music when dragondorf transforms sounds so sad .. its probably meant as a oh no world is actually ending sad but i like to think of it as a oh god what did he do to himself sad

the scene where rauru seals ganondorf kinda fruity

(graphic, animations and the overall world is still fantastic)

bad stuff (in my opinion)

everything zonau they feel forced into every bit of the world and its history (i know them being somewhat alien is intentional but not like that) it feels crammed into places they werent before and shouldnt be and it makes it all feel very artificial

the glyphs/dragon tears/memories really ruined alot for me, while it gave you insight as to what happened, it felt like it showed you too much and too little at the same time and i think it would have worked better if it was all in text for once if even at all, so the past stil stayed a mystery and youd be left wondering

timetravel .. really wasnt necessary and felt more like an excuse to get rid of zelda + make her the poor little sacrificial girl again + and to make her turning into a dragon as tragic as possible, like nothing but a stepping stone to the big reveal tm

shiekah tech being not just fully irrelevant but practically erased, wiped off the world (i know about the literally last guardian parts in hateno, it feels more like an oversight tbh, purah technically using it ... tho i dont think she ever calls it that, the purah pad is jsut the sheikah stone but worse), there being no good explanation, no remains, nothing as to why it would suddendly stop working and why even the titans and ESPEICALLY the shrine of life would be destroyed, if anything why wouldnt you enshrine it as a memento to history it was such a focus in botw and so well integrated into the world that it being fully gone, not even old overgrown, or visibly reused to build homes etc., or remains of how they built the og shrines in the underground feels like a HUGE missed opportunity (seriously it would have been so easy to make the ancient shiekah base their tech on old zonau tech, without stealign the gocus but buildign a connection)

all of the continuity problems, totk feels like botw didnt happen and the excuse of 'they didnt want to confuse new players' doesnt make a lick of sense in my eyes bc; its supposed to be a sequel, if you want it to be a standalone game then dont call it a sequel- if you start to play a game with the sequel instead of the first part its your own damn fault if you get confused; if anything, it would have been a good opportuntiy to make people interested in botw so theyd buy and play that one too

ganondorfs character is very flat, you basically get to know nothing about him (yuno even calls that out midgame but its never elaborated upon nhgfrdfhkk)

the zonau and their kingdom of hyrule is presented as this so perfectly good thing to such a degree it turns creepy, the end cutscene with mineru going poof was kinda uncomfy to watch tbh

the reward for all shrines being essentially a reveal as to who the hero in the tapestry was and it being, of course, some weird half zonau is the lamest answer to a mystery i didnt want an anwser too, it doesnt feel like it came naturally either (again my point of the zonau being forced into everything)

the shrines (zonau) feel so much more unnatural than the shiekah shrines, alien in a bad way and not in a good way + really are like a bad reskin of them, their sudden appearance and use is so much less logical

back in botw i was doubtful of if the shiekah tech wasnt going to far too modern tech and cause it all to feel like a bad mix of modern tech and medival fantasy, but they balanced it perfectly (tho the eponator zero was very much the limit imo) but the zonau tech .... oversteps that line i think, it really does feel, more than anything else, that it was just bc they wanted the stuff to be in there bc it might be fun to play around with, im not against that kind of stuff mind you im all for fun, but it feels a little like they thought of a box with endless stuff to play with first and a zelda game second (if you get what i mean)

quite a few quests or things in the game seem like they are more and then end in a dead end (the worst of all is impa saying she wants to go research what could help zelda turn back, and i was excited and convinced that shed give me a quest to find some mcguffin that would do that after i beat ganon but there wasnt anything you could actually do; less bad one but disappointing nonetheless the dongos were mentioned and treated like this big awesome thing from alot of NPCs all around the map and then when you find them they are bascially just gem vending maschines)

the way zelda turns back and link gets his arm back is incredibly unsatisfying, none of them even have something like a scar, or mark from it all, zelda spent thousands of years as a dragon (a transformation that was said to cost your soul but i guess that wasnt true) and link had his arm bascially eaten by miasma and he gets it back like it was never lost, zelda returns all intact as if nothing happened, getting blasted by some magic tm by two ghosts that were supposed to be long gone is the solution to all problems!!

(edit) link losing an arm wouldnt just be super intersting but also lend itself well to lead up into the next game where his prothesis is the focus and source of abilities

(edit) zelda got done so dirty, instead of her actual interests and character to shine she just gets shoved into yet another crisis surrounded by strangers in a world that looks like hers but isnt, and all she does is beg the ancient sages to swear to help link and sacrifice herself again (can you call that fridging? bc she sure feels like she got fridged) i like zelda and i dont like how much i didnt care about her and tbh im angry at the game for that

(edit) both link and zelda not even slightly changing in the years btween botw and totk kinda boring, like a haircut can only do so much

(edit) sonia really is the wife that dies to make husband sad thing isnt she? i get that gan had to get his hands on an enigma stone but i feel like there had been better ways to do that, the fact that she dies that easily is almost funny honestly, why does ganondorf even have weapons when he can just one punch people to death (tho i find it funny to imagine he can literally just kill people in one punch but hes too prideful to do it most of the time so he always uses weapons to look more cool)

(edit) so many new characters that you barely get to see or interact with, i really ... couldnt get myself to care much

(edit) zonau tech being so irrelevant to the games story while its also the focus is .. weird, its really just play doh for the players and nothing else honestly

(edit) monsters mining sonanium feels strange bc ... they dont do anything with it? the best thing i can think of is that they were told to do that so link cant .. upgrade his battery thignies? but then again you could just destroy the mines and remaining constructs to stop it .... also you really dont need anything zonau tech related to beat gan?

(edit) ganondorf beign so utterly uninterested in their tech is weird considering how he dealt with shiekah tech (and we KNOW it can get corrupted) he should be a tech nerd tbh

my twitch VoD of the first time beating the game getting muted at the credits despite me talking over it

nitpicks (in my opninion)

(edit) ganondorf should have a bit more of a boar inspired design, as treat, i think

(edit) the enigma stone wandering back to ganondorfs forehead even after transforming is? weird? i guess an excuse for da epic last stabby but still? (how cool would it have been to have to plunge into his mouth and break it there or something)

(edit) the underground gets a lil old after a while, the fact that its pretty much the same everywhere aside from some .. very strange flowing magma is a lil boring

(edit) ganondorf could have gone way more crazy with abilities and all that, imagine hed spwan multiple miasma arms on himself when you get him to a certain level of health

(edit) i miss unique weapons, there arent even normal axes around anymore, everything is about fusing really, i miss the cool shiekah tech weapons

(edit) the forest of the krogs being largely irrelevant is kinda weird

(edit) mineru being the sage of spirit still is kinda meh, the robot is neat but i thought tauro or purah would be the surprise sage tbh

(edit) the bosses were a little easy (i did boldo gohma rather early and did it without even getting hit)

you cant talk to koga normally :(

you cant find koga again after the last fight :(

you cant refight him (to my knowledge) :(

i find it very strange that yuno seemingly lost daruk shield, despite him having inhereted it in botw

the sage powers are not .. very great integrated, while its fun to haven them run around and help you fight, to actually use their powers you have to chase after them, something that in the heat of a battle is very annoying to do, constantly activating the wrong on or them losing their charge up when they get knocked over is like trying to herd a wild pack of geese while a three headed dragon is shotting laserbeams at you

some widlife just disappearing all of the sudden is very strange (like the rhino in hebra)

some new houses or settlements would have been cool, that the material things at the sides of roads are really only for you to play around with and not to build anything that lasts

you cant fight ganondorf (non dragon, even the dragon is locked to that evening sky) in the sunlight, night or rain, i would have loved to fight him at various times of day

their refusal to show any kind of blood is honestly turnign serious scenes into very awkward ones, sonia just getting punched and she dies with not even like, losing some spit from the force or something, or the fact when you defeat ganondorfs second phase he acts mortally wounded but doesnt even look scratched is just :/

amiibo stuff while neat being included its really mostly just bloating your inventory, if i wanted 5 vaguely different link outfits then i would have gotten the amiibo for it

why hide the -now-totally-not-phantom-ganon-armor- behind such a long questline and then .. have that NOT be upgradable

they put in a house building thingy and then not let you have a roof or a tree or something :(

at some point stable points jsut get you more and more of those free staying over night tickets that i maybe used .. once at the very start and now its just accumulating in my inventory

only one new horse coat pattern :(

satori now only being a thingy that shows you caves is kinda boring, i loved the mystery around it in botw (additionally, that it shows you caves you have completed already kinda sucks)

the end of the shrines isnt that cool anymore, speaking to a mummified monk that gives you essentially his last remains of life energy is so much cooler than a statue of the oh so awesome god king and his wife

the many references and reuse of old names is neat but together with timetravel etc. it easily leads to confusing and fighting among fans for who is more 'right' and its just .. tiring

(edit) considering how much of the advertising was about the sky islands i wished there were more and bigger ones, the underground (that was a little one sided after a while, it all looking the same rly) could have been alot smaller if the sky was bigger instead

(edit) i wished there was more of a sense of .. lost life in the ruins you find, from all races, the ancient ruins are jsut some bridged and ceremonial stuff and i wished there were more like .. houses, like people actually lived there and it not being all around beign a platform for you

(edit) the fact that the half zonau hero exists mean either rauru and sonia had kids but those were clearly not important enough to ever show nor mention, or there were other mixing of them before they all mysteriously died out the fact that the ancient hero was half zonau means their genes survided till then but somehow it never came up? the tapestry still exists and impa and purah say like its a well known fact that the hero looked like that (not at all close to any modern species) when you talk to them while wearing it (the fact that the hero armor thingy is very reminiscemt of ganondorf is like some backtreading bc we were theorizing about the hero having been ganondorf once and they wanted to stop that .. but the more funny thing is the HC of its a descdendet of rauru and ganondorf nhjdfknhdgkfnhkfd) (edit to add to the HC; the game being a big battle about child support is funnier than it should be idk if nintendo knew what they were doing adding details like that)

all in all it just feels like missed opportunities, lost potential, and more a game build around some game mechanics they really wanted to get into than telling a neat story, espeically so bc they called it a sequel, most of my complaints wouldnt be there if it was some alternate thing instead

i probably forgot stuff but if i think of more i will add them later with a little note that it was added in an edit (sidenote, i find it funny how much more nuance that whole conflict would get if rauru and ganondorf were bitter exes bfdrjfbdfndk)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #totk spoilers #i felt like i was beign a little unfair #so i wanted to make a summary #tha took me hours to write #and is again long as shit #whoop #long post #this isnt a complete list iether bc that would be even longer and take even longer nhdjkkd #i wanted to do comic works damn it #anyway this is the last long post about this #bc im moving on now #...its half inspired by people respondign to me with -what how can you not like totks story but then like botws lol wtf-#well i do #*shrugs*

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direwolfrules · 1 year

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Some things I noticed while rewatching "The Academy" episode of The Clone Wars

Soniee's at the docks to greet the Jedi, but Almec doesn't introduce her which. Is weird. Almec why do you suck so bad?

Seriously, she's left standing there when the others are called up. Just hanging in the back, forever alone.

Lagos just looks so done on the docks. Just so done.

Lagos also leans forward a little when Korkie asks to see Ahsoka's lightsaber. She wants to see the laser sword too, she just doesn't have Korkie's impulsiveness.

When Korkie gets pulled back by Almec Satine is utterly unfazed and Amis and Lagos exchange a look, like "By the manda he did it again".

The way the cadets turn with the guards implies they've done drills and stuff. So like, does that mean the discipline part of Mandalorian martial culture was kept? Or something, I don't know.

Hey look, weapons are only banned for off-worlders, and that's a recent thing after Obi-Wan swung by a few months ago. Did ya hear that Satine haters who claim blatantly false things?

In the establishing shot of the Academy you can see one student running towards the building. Poor bastard is late for class.

The students' chairs look so uncomfortable.

There are different colored lines on the students' uniforms' kar'ta beskar. Korkie's got red segmented lines, Lagos has plain red lines, Soniee has white lines, and Amis has no lines. What do they mean? Are they meant to signify something specific? Who knows, headcanon away.

The girls' uniforms have brown/bronze cuff patterns and the boys' have gold cuff patterns.

The Cadet Squad also has different shoulder marks on their uniforms. Korkie and Lagos have plain gold, Soniee has plain silver/gray, and Amis has a silver mark with a gold and red bar on it. What does this mean? I need headcanons people!

The marks are also present on the side flap things of the boys' uniforms.

Apparently, there are a bunch of twins and triplets in the cadets' class (reusing assets? it's more likely than you think)

Almec's hair has a pattern of beskar hearts, because of course it does.

Lagos' hair is actually really short with an accessory that mimics pigtails.

The wall screens in the cadet's dorm have Mando'a script.

Soniee's the first to snark at Amis. It's great, 10/10 sibling energy.

Soniee almost always has a computer on hand in addition to her little tech visor thing. I love that.

When Soniee tells the Cadet Squad that the Academy's out of rations again she's staring at her laptop. Did she hack the Academy's inventory records so she could determine if a late-night snack run was possible?

Amis' response about no late-night snack runs makes it seem like that's a thing they've done before, which is adorable.

Korkie: These doors are heavily secured by top-of-the-line government security programs, we'll never get in.

Soniee: *flips down her visor* I eat top-of-the-line government security programs for breakfast.

Korkie literally pronounces Ahsoka with the most over-emphasized "ah" sound.

Almec's response to Satine spitting facts is to put a shock collar on her. Because he's a pathetic little worm-man.

Korkie's like an inch away from being tortured with a shock collar and you can see when the camera cuts to Satine that she almost gives in. You see her grit her teeth and her eyes fill with despair. She loves that boy dammit.

The cadets throw themselves on Almec's goons to take them down, which is just so funny looking.

Everyone else seems to have knocked out their assigned evil henchman except Soniee, who was apparently too light, so Amis just jumps on the guy with her.

The cadets are so synchronized, I just can't. I love them and this fight scene is hilarious. I'm pretty sure at one point Amis headbutts a metal shield and doesn't even flinch.

Almec gets hit with a fraction of the shock collar time he gave Satine and immediately folds. Cause he's pathetic.

Soniee still has her visor after all the headbutting and flopping. I love her. Korkie, move aside, you're getting out blorbo-ed.

Seriously the end of episode fight scene cuts between Ahsoka engaging in acts of Jedi badassery and the cadets looking like Yakkety Sax is playing in the background.

#mandalorian cadet squad #korkie kryze #soniee #lagos #amis #mandalore #The Academy #the clone wars #satine kryze #prime minister almec #duchess satine #ahsoka tano #sw tcw #tcw #tcw 3x6 #star wars the clone wars #star wars

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legendofzoodles · 2 years

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LOZ Character .../Rant

Hero of the Sky part 2

The LU and LOZ fandom need to cut Hylia a little slack. She definitely isn’t perfect and has done some questionable things throughout the series, but the hate and slander she gets isn’t really fair.

I personally blame Sky and Demise for the chain’s suffering much more than I blame her. And here’s why.

~~~

Before I start I’m going to make clear what my interpretation of Demise’s Curse meant. I’ve explained it in: Era of Hylia Lore 3 and Demise’s curse theory

So, it was Demise’s curse that set in motion the vast majority of the events following Skyward Sword. And I can’t forgive that Sky let it happen. This is something an LU comic panel made me realise and I’m actually kinda mad now.

Maybe it just was poor execution on the game’s part, and the devs wanted a dramatic uninterrupted shot of Demise announcing his curse all cool n’ stuff. But if you take away the fourth wall, the fact that Link just stood there and took it, is unbelievable.

Sure, he’s not omnipotent like the player and had no way of knowing that the curse was for real or comprehend it’s true scale...but still!

If the ancient evil (that a literal Goddess failed to vanquish) you just defeated stands up and starts to utter a possibly everlasting curse, at least try to stop him before he finishes. Throw another Skyward strike his way for good measure or stab him, or heck, interrupt him with annoying noises. Just do something! To add insult to my saltiness, Demise spoke frustratingly slow too, meaning Link had ample time to take some sort of decisive action.

Hey, remember when Wind as a child stabbed Ganondorf’s skull? Or when Twi stabbed him in the chest and left it in there to make sure he killed him?

It’s not the fact that Link failed to stop the curse that’s so egregious to me. Plenty before him and after him have failed, and I don’t have a problem with that. They’re human, they’re not perfect, they’re allowed to make mistakes. It’s the fact that he did nothing and seemingly forgets about it minutes later- going about his life in comfortable ignorance- that pisses me off.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat this. He royally fucked up there, and the fact that he gets off scot-free while the chain and his descendants have to deal with the mess is asinine!

This is the exact bs Hylia and First wanted to put an end to. I’d wager that Hylia only wanted First to be reincarnated once (because the idea of him continuing to be reincarnated and being paired up with her descendants for all eternity without Demise’s influence is gross and ruins her character for me) and that the reason Sun is her own person and not Hylia’s puppet is because she wanted her and her offspring to peacefully live normal lives once it was over.

Sky had one job to do and he failed. And what really sucks is that no one in the fandom acknowledges this. Everyone’s quick to blame Hylia for everything wrong with the chain’s lives, but she didn’t curse the hero into an endless cycle of reincarnation, Demise did that, and Sky let that happen without any resistance.

Hylia wasn’t supposed to even be in the picture once Sun came into existence. To be fair though, she should have just done things herself from the start rather than have heroes fight for her- but that’s an error in judgement I can forgive, especially when she played an active role herself and didn’t just sit around letting them handle it all.

But now thanks to Demise’s curse, the kingdom is literally forced to depend on the reincarnated heroes. I don’t think that Hylia can just come back to life. Demise did say that she gave up her Goddess form to be human and that sounds pretty irreversible. If she could, I feel like she would have at some point in the timeline. Basically, I’m blaming the curse for everything that goes wrong in the series, which isn’t Hylia’s fault at all and Sky enabled it to happen. Therefore I can get mad at him.

The chain will probably forgive him when the news eventually comes out. But if they magically get to see what actually happened, and watch Demise slowly utter the eternal curse that fucked over all their lives while Sky stands around doing butt fuck all, then imagine the unbridled chaos that would follow.

I’ll just put this here:

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” - some guy (not Edmund Burke apparently)

I have to wonder what was going through Sky’s head when Legend literally spelled out the ramifications of Demise’s curse, all while the oblivious chain laughed it off as strange coincidences.

~~~

Thanks for reading!

At the end of the day this is all my opinion and you’re free to disagree.

Here’s part 1 Masterlist

Also I’ll rewrite that final confrontation at put a link here.

Recovered Regrets- story where chain find out about Demise’s curse

#legend of zelda #linked universe #linked universe sky #loz ss #loz #loz link #linked universe legend #lu sky #loz demise #hylia's chosen hero #master sword #legend of zelda fanfiction #loz fanfic #hylia #hylia slander

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ladyloveandjustice · 2 years

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Carmilla: The End

The ending bit of Carmilla is definitely my least favorite, not because she dies, which I knew was going to happen, but because Carmilla herself isn’t actually in it a bunch, which makes everything 100% less entertaining.

Also the way she’s taken out is just anticlimactic and eh.

Basically, Carmilla offers Laura one of the ‘anti-vampire charms’ they were sold, crowing about how great and effective it is, then merrily continues feeding on Laura. Queen shit, and the best part of this section. Laura starts getting sick, a doctor comes and kind of guesses what’s going on, people start staying up with her.

After that, Carmilla’s Dad’s Friend whose daughter mysteriously died comes by, clearly hunting Carmilla. He, Dad, and Laura head to the ruins of the Karnstein castle (aka where Carmilla lived when she was alive), he relates a very long story about how he took in a beautiful young girl who was abandoned by her mysterious mother, how his daughter was in love with her, how his daughter got sick and died, and how he found a weird creature over her and went after it with a sword and it turned into the girl and fled. AND THAT GIRL...WAS CARMILLA! yes we all knew that.

Anyway he’s tracked her, because these assholes hate to see a girlboss winning, and when Carmilla comes he swings his axe at her, but she catches his hand and makes him drop it, Again, queen shit, but after that she just peaces out. And then Laura goes home and the dudes just...find Carmilla’s grave later, where she is sleeping (also with her eyes open so this was a vampire lore thing we don’t do anymore for some reason, WHY NOT, IT’S COOL) and drive a stake through her heart (and beheads her and stuff). THE END.

It’s really unsatisfying and boring, because Laura never gets to talk to Carmilla after the reveal of what she is, or even really react to it, when the entire story up to that point had been their relationship. It’s just “and you listen to this story, and the men save the day in the most banal way possible, the end”. You can still have the men save they day and have Laura and Carmilla talk! Having Carmilla try to get to Laura one last time, come with a final offer of temptation- and keep in ambiguous whether she really wants them to run off as vampires or is just going to kill her, have Laura not know what to do/be upset at the betrayal/reject her/be tempted/whatever the hell works for your victorian mores just have her feel SOMETHING- and then the men swoop in and fight her off, whatever, that would STILL be more satisfying that what we got here.

There’s also so many loose ends to this story you’d think LeFanu wanted to do a sequel- who were Carmilla’s mother and henchmen? Where are they? Why does nobody try to find them and just act like the threat is over now that Carmilla’s dead? Who turned Carmilla into a vampire? Also, I guess the implication is Carmilla HAS to go back to her grave to sleep sometimes, but it sounds like she’s been traveling all over the place, how does she always get back there, idk.

There were some really funny vampire lore stuff here though- like according to LeFanu, It is part of the Vampire Curse they can only use dumb anagrams if they use a different name (Carmilla’s real name was Mircalla and she also went by Millarca) which is incredibly funny. Like would Carmilla burst into flame if she called herself Marcy. Also Laura is all like “the idea vampires are pallid is just melodramatic fiction” because nothing else that happens in this book is melodramatic.

Overall my thoughts are ‘it’s okay’, interesting beginning, boring ending, at least it’s a quick read, Carmilla IS an icon and the best character. I liked that she enjoyed being a vampire and would actually defend her lifestyle and genuinely seemed to believe death was a blessing therefore she wasn’t doing anything wrong, it made her a little more complex than ‘IM EVIL’.

As for the implications, it’s definitely meant to be a cautionary tale and any sources who think it’s ‘doesn’t present homosexuality as antagonistic’ are kidding themselves- whenever Carmilla hits on Laura it’s very clear she’s also tempting Laura towards death, meaning lesbianism is tied up in ‘die and lose your soul to be with me’- which is cool for me, a modern reader, who’d love to run off and be a vampire with a cute girl, but from a Victorian perspective it’s damning your immortal soul and Bad. And though the book is clear in the epilogue that vampires do this to people of all genders, aka that there are het vampires killing people too, which does make the messaging a little more neutral, Carmilla only targets and kills women. It doesn’t blatantly say “beware the gays’ but I think the implications ARE supposed to be there, which is unsurprising. That doesn’t make it any less fun though, because as a modern reader, I love Carmilla, love her weird seductive techniques.

The books attitude towards women is interesting, and I think one thing I can say for it versus Dracula so far is (in addition to going SO much harder on the homoeroticism), it’s less blatantly misogynist in as far as actual text. There’s stuff you could interpret subtextually- Carmilla the independent woman with no father, just a “mother”, bought down by fathers, the fact that the father’s listening to their daughters pleas for female companionship invites death and calamity- but there’s no lines that slap you in the face with “This is a Female Character Written by an Insufferable Victorian Man” like the line about how “men are too good for women we don’t deseeeerve them” in Dracula.

Like Laura’s narration is pretty believable, it never even says “I do X because I am a woman”, which I was braced for. Women are overall presented pretty neutrally, and even though she’s a villain, it’s clear Le Fanu was somewhat fascinated by Carmilla’s intelligence and power, as we get so much of her.

Laura’s also noted to be intelligent in the prologue, and her dad is just as easily fooled as she is and even dismisses some of the things Laura picks up on- Like Carmilla’s ancestor looking just like her- to his folly. Him dismissing “peasant superstitions” is a clear sign of his folly, so that’s nice,

Anyway, disappointing ending aside, it was a quick read with a great vampire, and it’s fun to consider it’s place in gothic fiction, and I’m glad I read it. Definitely interested in the retelling that was mentioned to me in the comments, since it’s free on Kindle, I’ll read that sometime!

#nev reads carmilla

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forasecondtherewedwon · 2 years

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44 and any Topgun ship (I couldn’t think of one but this one made me laugh!)

Anon, knowing that prompt made you laugh was a great additional direction on how to interpret it... and which ship it was absolutely made for.

44. “You’re a virgin? How?”

prompt list

Something About the End of the World

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick Pairing: Mickey “Fanboy” Garcia/Robert “Bob” Floyd Rating: E Word Count: 1643

After landing safely on the carrier, Mickey’s high on adrenaline and feeling courageous, so he tells Bob, “You were a real Sam out there,” because it’s the highest honour he can bestow.

Bob thanks him, sounding a little baffled, but he doesn’t otherwise react, and it’s such a crazy day that Mickey doesn’t even remember paying him that compliment until Bob brings it up a few days later when they’re back in San Diego.

“What did you mean when you said I was a Sam?” Bob stops him in the hallway to ask. He’s staring at Mickey intensely, the way Mickey used to stare at his abuela’s staticky TV when he was a kid, trying to absorb the plot of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode through the wobbly picture quality and patchy audio.

“Samwise,” Mickey explains.

“Oh. I thought you were calling me a missile.”

That makes Mickey laugh.

“SAM like surface-to-air missile? No! That wouldn’t make sense!”

“Right,” Bob agrees, smiling uncertainly. “Because… you meant Samwise. Uh, obviously. Of course.”

Mickey’s nodding happily until it catches up to him that he and Bob might not quite be understanding each other, and clear communication is vital. They’re back-seaters; it’s in their job description.

“From The Lord of the Rings,” Mickey reminds him gently.

“Oh, ok.”

Mickey’s eyes narrow.

“Sam Gamgee,” he says.

Bob’s exaggerated expression of comprehension is what solidifies it for Mickey: Bob has no idea who he’s talking about. He cocks his head to the side, his smile asking Bob not to bullshit him.

“Ha,” Bob laughs, short and breathy. “Ok, yeah, I’ve never seen those movies.”

“You’re a virgin? How?” The words burst out of Mickey and appear to stun Bob. Both their faces warm as Mickey hastily corrects, “A Lord of the Rings virgin.”

“I guess I am. I don’t know. I guess I just never really got into, like, fantasy?”

“But it’s so much more than fantasy! It straddles multiple genres!” He ticks them off on his fingers. “Adventure, drama, war, coming-of-age, epic romance. If you include the scope of Tolkien’s original works, you have to add poetry and—” Mickey cuts himself off, clenching a fist in front of his mouth to contain himself.

“Are you… mad at me?” Bob checks, looking worried.

“Bobby-boy, you are one in a million,” Mickey says on a sigh. He drops the fist and breaks out in a wide smile. “I can’t believe I get to introduce you to The Lord of the Rings.”

“I know some stuff. There’s, there’s… sword fighting. And good-versus-evil. And stuff. But I’d…” Bob nods. “…Yeah, I’d like to watch it with you.”

“Clear your schedule—”

“Uh, the mission’s over. All our schedules are clear.”

“—because there are three films, plus special features.”

“You’re the kind of person who says ‘films’ instead of ‘movies’?” Bob asks with a pained look on his face.

Mickey blows past it.

“If you’re serious about this—”

“I’m only, like, vaguely curious,” Bob murmurs.

“—then you need to prepare for it to consume the next several days of your life. Factoring in breaks for sleeping and going to the bathroom.”

He fixes his eyes on Bob’s. Bob takes a deep breath in, then nods.

“I’ll do it,” he says.

Mickey can’t resist pulling him into a hug. Why should he? He’s been resisting that urge basically since they met, when Bob told them his name and inelegantly swept peanut shells off his lap. Mickey gets attached fast and he falls hard, as the wealth of Lord of the Rings memorabilia he’s collected over the years can attest.

“Spoken like a true Sam,” he says, squeezing Bob tight.

—

Mickey couldn’t decide between inviting everybody so his movie marathon with Bob won’t feel like a date and inviting no one else so it does feel like a date. Torn, he just invited Reuben.

“What are we watching?” Reuben asks, striding into Mickey’s quarters and giving Bob an upward jerk of his chin in greeting.

“The Fellowship of the Ring,” Mickey says excitedly. He’s leaning forward on the couch, having just cued it up on his laptop. Bob’s already crunching away on the heap of popcorn he just poured into a large bowl.

“Nope.”

Mickey turns as Reuben backs away.

“What?”

“I can’t watch those movies again.”

“But you love Eowyn!” Mickey reminds him. “We’re watching The Two Towers next!”

“I do love Eowyn, but I also love not losing several days of my life I can never get back,” Reuben says. “Those movies are great in small doses—”

“Peter Jackson did not put his entire lifeforce into these movies for you to say you prefer them in small doses. Reub, it’s an epic. It’s… it’s… it’s the Third Age of Middle Earth, man, come on!”

“One, I know I’ve told you before how creepy it is when you say ‘lifeforce.’ Two, you can give Peter Jackson my apologies in your next fan letter, but you’re not gonna talk me into this right now. Those movies are a time suck.”

Mickey glances at Bob who’s chewing and listening intently. He looks back to Reuben and frowns.

“Don’t scare Bob.”

“Get out now,” Reuben hisses at Bob.

“It’s alright,” Bob assures him with a smile. “I wanna see them.”

“He’s a Sam,” Mickey explains.

At that, Reuben’s mouth curves into a sly smile.

“Oh,” he says, “he’s a Sam. Try to keep Sting in your pants then, Frodo.”

Bob chokes, but Mickey has to point out, “Only a fan would remember the name of Frodo’s sword. You’re in denial.”

“Actually, I’ll be in de-next room seeing what the normal people are doing. Have fun, boys.”

Mickey flips Reuben off affectionately before he shuts the door, leaving Mickey and Bob on their own.

He glances at Bob.

“Ignore him. You’re gonna love this movie.”

“I’m excited,” Bob mumbles through a mouthful of popcorn.

“Good.”

And Mickey’s excited too. He’s excited as the One Ring’s treacherous history is revealed, as Howard Shore’s iconic score shifts from horror to Hobbits, as Frodo leaps into Gandalf’s cart and he gets to quickly explain how they tricked the camera to make Elijah Wood look so much smaller than Ian McKellen. What’s surprising him is that he’s not excited about the movie, or even Bob’s reactions to it (well, he is, but it’s not the main thing)—he’s just excited about Bob.

During Bilbo’s birthday speech, their hands brush inside the popcorn bowl. Before Frodo even holds the Ring in his hand for the first time, Mickey holds Bob’s, the popcorn forgotten as their fingers intertwine. Mickey barely has a chance to say, “That’s Sam,” before Bob sets the popcorn aside completely and Mickey reads it as an invitation to shift closer on the couch. Before Merry and Pippin collide with Frodo and Sam, Mickey collides with Bob: he takes a deep breath and tilts his head to plant a kiss on Bob’s parted lips. For a moment, Bob blinks and processes this, but he’s a Sam after all, with wells of courage that make Mickey stary-eyed; Bob grabs the back of Mickey’s neck and yanks him into a longer kiss.

There are breaks. Brief ones. The Prancing Pony. The unearthly shriek of the Nazgûl on Weathertop. Gimli shattering his axe when he tries to hack the Ring in half like a total newb. Instead of detailing what they’ve missed, Mickey mumbles explanations too short to really be helpful, but Bob nods heartily and guides Mickey’s mouth to his again, and they return to the desperate work of fogging up Bob’s glasses and seeing who’s going to cave first and climb into the other person’s lap.

“I thought that guy’s name was Strider?” Bob checks dazedly as Mickey’s kissing his neck and unzipping his jeans sometime later.

“He’s got a lot of names,” Mickey pants. “Way more than they cover in the movies.”

“Like us, huh, Fanboy?”

Mickey grins against Bob’s throat.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Like us.”

He ducks his head to Bob’s lap and Bob’s fingers scrape across his buzzcut as he sends a moan towards the ceiling.

By the time the movie’s drawing to a close, Mickey’s sitting on Bob’s lap with Bob’s hand down the front of his sweats. Bob’s hard again, so Mickey rubs his ass back against him in a slow grind that matches the steady pumping of Bob’s fist. Based on an agreement Mickey doesn’t recall making, they’re drawing this out, and it’s agony to be jerked off at such a relaxed pace. On the other hand, his body feels like butter melted back into Bob’s chest, legs spayed wide as he sits on Bob’s thighs. He can feel Bob’s heart beating against his back. And then the hitch that disrupts its rhythm.

Mickey twists to look at Bob.

“Are you ok?”

Bob’s eyes are shiny as he glances from the screen to Mickey’s face.

“Is Frodo really going to leave Sam?” he demands thickly.

Mickey gives him a quick kiss, cupping his cheek, then promises, “No. Look.”

He lets his head rest back against Bob’s shoulder and tears roll down both their faces as Sam wades out to Frodo, ready to drown before Frodo would think him disloyal. Frodo hauls Sam into the boat and Mickey’s never been given a handjob by someone who’s crying before (nor been crying himself as he receives it), but it somehow adds to the tenderness of the moment, in his opinion.

When it’s over and Mickey’s even more comfortably slumped on top of him, Bob’s arms wrapped around his waist, Bob asks, “You think I’m a Sam?”

“Yep.”

“And you’re Frodo. I didn’t see a lot of this movie, but I can see that.”

Mickey smiles and tips his forehead against Bob’s.

“I’m glad you’re with me,” he says to confirm it.

#my writing #Top Gun: Maverick #the Fanbob agenda #Bob x Fanboy #Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia #Robert 'Bob' Floyd #Mickey Garcia #Robert Floyd #Fanboy Garcia #Bob Floyd #Top Gun: Maverick fanfiction #Top Gun

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motheatenscarf · 1 year

Text

Parsing some Stormblood thoughts. It was more frustrating than rewarding, but the things I liked I did have a lot of fun with.

I will say, "Fun" is the strongest word I can use there, nothing particularly grabbed or moved me, but there are some elements with potential.

Largely wasted potential that I don't think will get followed up on, but I've got 2 full more expansions to go through and the rest of the post-Stormblood patch content before I'm done, so who knows.

The Fun! Bonding with Alisaie and Lyse as we explored the eastern continents stuff, that was a hoot, and I love those two characters in particular. Gosetsu and Hien had some potential to be fun characters, but they kinda dropped the ball. Gosetsu is alive at least, apparently, which made his "death" seem kinda cheap, but it already felt cheap and the drama unearned, so whatever, I'll take it, I like Gosetsu and I want to see more of him. Not sure how I feel about Yotsuyu being alive, but if Fordola got to live and may in time redeem herself, then fuck it, why not give Yotsuyu another shot? Pun not intended.

Yotsuyu and Fordola had the potential to be really compelling characters, even if they're meant to be reprehensible traitors, their motives were at least believable and they were highly driven and emotionally invested in things. That's literally all I ask for. Maybe we can see more from Gosetsu too, his drunken breakdown and him sitting vigil over the corpse of the steppe warrior were the two best moments with him and I'd love to see more of that depth and an exploration of what it means to be an OLD samurai. If he can have a mandatory team-building retreat with Yotsuyu on their sad little island, I'll buy into that, that has potential.

I think the most fun thing here was Zenos going COMPLETELY INSANE. I wish the Ascians were that unhinged, they would at least be fun. He's a monster and it's disgusting that he manipulates entire countries just for his own personal satisfaction, but like, I mean... the Garleans and Ascians were ALREADY doing that, just for gross rape and conquest reasons or Evil Darkness Must End The World reasons. Zenos operating on DBZ fighting anime logic is at least unique and memorable and funny in a setting like this. I'll take it, it's something.

I was glad to see my fears about Estinien maybe getting possessed by the eyes of Nidhogg again were misplaced, but also it was a little anticlimactic to be hinting at his return this entire time only for him to show up at the end, destroy the eyes without anyone knowing, and then not get to talk to him. My friend is doing dragoon quests, and I guess he shows up in the 60-70 stuff there, but... I'm not playing a dragoon, I'm playing Dark Knight and Reaper, so... no Estinien for me. Aymeric even mentions if you click on him that they have reports of people seeing "unmistakable dragoon armor" and goes "He wouldn't... would he?" So, like, I guess I don't take it personally, he's not here to see ANYONE, but it's anticlimactic and a bummer. Him breaking the ceruleum pipeline to cripple the Garlean forces was rad, we owe him a lot, maybe he could show up and we could say THANKS? No? Fine :T

I also really, REALLY wish they had focused more on Ala Mhigo's liberation rather than Doma's. It rang a bit hollow to see all these NPCs singing the Ala Mhigan anthem at the end after Zenos was killed. I REALLY like Raubahn and Lyse, those are two strong characters from Ala Mhigo whose pain and drive in freeing their home I fully buy into, I want to see them succeed . But the entire part about building up Ala Mhigo and instilling hope into its people was shunted to off-screen terriroty. So, seeing Raubahn give his son his old sword to free their homeland is sweet, and Lyse taking over as leader when Conrad dies, and decrying Fordola as a traitor are all potentially powerful moments, but they just... fell so flat for me? I think especially given how much time Lyse spent in Doma with the WoL helping them there, you never get the impression that she's learned enough about Ala Mhigo's suffering and plight to earn the right to inherit leadership of the resistance. It's such a shame because I really like Lyse and I think they COULD have built her up to accept a leadership position, but it felt... hollow.

I'm especially disappointed because again, I really like Lyse, and now she's leaving the Scions to stay and focus on leading the Resistance to help forge an actually stable new system of rulership, which. Yay, that's smart, that's good, if they're gonna have her take over as the leader, at least they'll have her focused on it. But it sucks because they keep doing this to my favorite character from an expansion now. Aymeric managed to survive only to get relegated to faction leader, and while we do get to see him as part of the Alliance (he's even here to help liberate Ala Mhigo!), I also like, miss him and want to run around with HIM instead of most of the Scions. Because most of the Scions are boring wastes of space who feel nothing and react to nothing and don't care about anything beyond "No! Don't KILL people! That's WRONG!" And like, congrats, babe, you're as complicated and interesting as a teletubby, but without weird and insane lore that leaves me staring into my fridge in horror at 12am.

Anyway, I guess I agree in theory with the philosophy that it's better to want MORE of a character than for them to wear out their welcome, and I grant you that the most compelling things about Aymeric and Lyse are their devotion to their people, but MAN. It sucks. Especially because again, besides the twins and Lyse, the Scions did nothing for me.

Y'shtola has potential if they can make her be as snarky and acerbic as her mentor, we love a catty bitch (haha. get it?). She's had a couple of snarky moments that I loved, I want more of them. Y'shtola can be a rock of stability, that's fine, just don't make her a rock of emotional stiffness or availability, that's boring.

Thancred is largely tiresome when they try to make him seem "cool" but he's fun and enjoyable when he's the butt of a joke. He's an archetype that largely exhausts me, and frankly got so bogged down in...WEIRD vibes with whatever they were doing with Minfilia, that I don't know what can be done to save him at this point. They don't seem to know what to do with him, more than any of the rest of the Scions, and it shows, and boy does he suffer for it.

Urianger is barely a character at all, and after 200+ hours of story, I don't have much hope he'll ever have wants or any kind of drive beyond facilitating the plot, but he can be our autistic cryptid. It's fine. I know they said he was Moenbryda's childhood friend, but I'm pretty sure he sprang into being whole cloth out of some mushrooms or mold that was growing out of an ancient tome in a forgotten corner of some vast library. He's not a believable person.

And Krile is... here, I guess. Sometimes her comments feel unearned because I don't know anything about her, so her just showing up to give Alphie shit feels kinda mean because like... it's one thing when friends give each other shit, but I don't know her like that, and it feels like Estinien picking on Alphinaud all over again. She also keeps insisting on like, "Oh, Alphy and trying to impress girls," and "Oh, Thancred, clearly in love with Minfilia," and like. This is Final Fantasy, m'am, nobody can ever in-canon acknowledge they like anyone, why are you the personification of enforcing heteronormativity, this game's one saving grace is that sure, maybe no one's gay, but no one's straight either lol.

Ugh. Whatever. Onward and forward. We'll see where this goes.

#Caitlin Plays FF14 #FF14 spoilers

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wutheringmights · 3 years

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Can I be greedy and ask for all of the boys ? And any characters you have strong opinions on? Pretty please? With lots of cherries and chocolate on top? ( for the ask meme ofc)

Anon, I'll finish up all of the boys in the Chain just for you. And trust me, I have an Infinite Amount of Strong Opinions. You have no idea how Opinionated I Am.

If anyone is coming in late to this, here are the boys I have done already and a short summary of my thoughts (click the hyperlinks to get the full Opinion):

Warriors: he's best when he's the trashy anti-Link, and I like him so much

Twilight: kind of boring, but I have a soft spot for him anyway because you never forget your first

Wind: should have been aged up a little so that he can have that identity crisis I'm craving

This... gets long. Really long. 3-hours-of-work-long. Before you read, please note that even when I speak negatively about something, it’s not to diss anyone who does like the thing. I’m not vague posting or being passive aggressive. This is all written in good humor and good faith.

That being said, let’s a-go!

-Sky-

What I love about them: He has one of the best character arcs of all the Links. I love that he starts off being lazy and kind of a jerk, but grows as a person because he wants to save his friend. And I love that he's truly the most courageous Link. He has no other successful hero of past or legacy to lean back upon to reassure him. He walked into that fight with Demise with no assurance from anyone that he would succeed. Yet, he does it anyway. Because he's a true hero and someone had to be one. And he's rewarded with a curse that he does not initially take seriously. He thinks he's saved everyone, yet he's cursed his spirit, possibly his bloodline, and his entire legacy of the kingdom of Hyrule into a doomed cycle of destruction. All because he dared to face evil incarnate. I love him.

What I hate about them: You know how I called Twilight boring? I should have saved that critique for Sky. LU Sky is actually the most boring interpretation of his character. All of his negative traits? Gone. All of his positives? Also gone. He's the blandest version of himself, and like Twilight, I now feel like I gotta add some spice to him to make him more interesting while still keeping him recognizable. Even so, he's still one of my favorite Links.

Favorite Moment/Quote: When he kicks Twilight's ass at sword fighting. That's stuff is *chef's kiss*

What I would like to see more focus on: You would think that there would be more angst out there about him realizing that he's actually been cursed, but it's still kind of hard to find. He's the Cursed Knight! The beginning of a terrible legacy! Imagine meeting a bunch of heroes for the first time, and instead of being relieved at having someone who understands your experiences, you're filled with horror at realizing that your victory was a false one. You didn't win. Your spirit will never be at rest. Imagine dealing with that realization for the rest of your life. You could never be at peace.

What I would like to see less focus on: I love that he loves his wife, but he's more just the fact that he's married, y'know? I would like to see a little less blind devotion to Hylia and Zelda, and more complicated feelings about being manipulated into being the hero.

Favorite pairing with: Sun/Link/Groose OT3! I have no reasoning behind this other than I like Groose and Groose definitely had a crush on SkSw Link.

Favorite friendship: I won't answer Groose again even if I want to, so I'll say Warriors. I cannot begin to describe how elite this friendship would be if you gave it a chance. They're just two boys dealing with unique positions of leadership and responsibility. They would probably even bond over being shitheads at different ends of the shithead spectrum. It's so good, okay?

NOTP: Ghirahim. I'm not too adverse to this one, but the ship hinges on whether you can redeem Ghirahim or not. In my opinion, Ghirahim is awesome because he's such a fun villain. Redeeming him ruins the fun.

Favorite headcanon: I have a whole life story planned out for Sky. Basically, he lives to be close to 500 years old by the power of the Triforce. He is the Link throughout the Era of Chaos who banishes the Dark Interlopers to the Twilight Realm and seals the Triforce in the Sacred Realm. He actually seals himself in the Sacred Realm as well to keep the Triforce safe, and he fought Ganondorf in when he broke in. Sky, like Time and Wind, does not get a happy ending.

-Four-

What I love about them: Four is origin of the heroes of Hyrule being known for being children. What a legacy to leave behind. He's such an interesting case of an incarnation of the Hero's Spirit, too. He fought Vaati, and he did his job so well that Demise's next incarnation had to be Ganondorf. Four did his job the best out of everyone, and it came at the cost of creating a magic sword that changed him permanently. I like to think that the Four Sword was not meant to split him, that it was a mistake he made with the design. And it's sad, isn't it? You made a defective sword, and like any good sword, it has a symbolic double edge. It gifted you with so much, and yet he can never be the same again. And his story is never well-remembered because it is overshadowed by the Links who fought the King of Evil. He's does so much, yet his legacy is underappreciated.

What I hate about them: I want to prepare you for this Opinion, because I know it's unpopular. Are you ready? Okay. I don't like the Colors. I'm sorry. I want to like them, but they don't interest me at all. Because they are parts of Four’s personality, they have to be one-note archetypes which does not make for exciting storytelling. I also haven't found a fic yet that has been from Four's POV that did the internal monologue of the Colors in a way that wasn't a pain in the ass to read. Maybe if someone can figure out how to do the Colors in a way that doesn't feel like a drag, I would like them more. But in the end, I think Four himself is more interesting than the Colors.

Favorite Moment/Quote: The fact that he didn't want to touch the Master Sword because he doesn't trust magic swords. That is every I need to know about his opinion on his own adventures.

What I would like to see more focus on: I want more of Four as Four. It's getting harder to find content of Four being his own person first and the Colors second.

What I would like to see less focus on: Four being the Colors first and his own person second. There is something about viewing Four as this cover identity for the Colors that doesn't feel right. There's a balance that needs to be strike between his ability to split, how that affects his every day life, and his own identity of being Four. I think I may have read one fic that hit that sweet spot for me, but still.

Favorite pairing with: Shadow. I'm such a sucker for befriending and falling for the enemy. That is all.

Favorite friendship: Dot! Their friendship is super cute. I like the idea of them being super close when they were younger and struggling to keep the friendship going as they age due to how much their paths in life diverge.

NOTP: This isn't necessarily a Four or an LU problem, but people who ship the Colors together? Bro. C'mon.

Favorite headcanon: I'm torn between two different Four and the Master Sword headcanons. On one hand, Four thinking that the Master Sword is just legend until he meets Sky and everyone else is just a fun idea. He sees the legendary sword for the first time and his mind is blown. On the other hand, I also like my Four with a side of hubris. What if he had the option on his quest to draw the Master Sword himself? What if he could tell that if he did that, the consequences would be terrible. He's not sure what would happen, but he knows it would be terrible. So he decided to make his own sword instead to disastrous results. Wouldn't that be tragic or what?

-Time-

What I love about them: Last winter, I did a two hour powerpoint for my friends about the Legend of Zelda timeline. During that powerpoint, I was rating every iteration of Link. What I said about the Hero of Time then holds true to my thoughts of LU Time now. Time is the original Link, more so than Sky in the lore and Legend/Hyrule in real life. Every other hero is a reflection of him. So the fact that his story is about the loss of childhood and the tragedy of that is incredible, and you can see those themes reflected in every other game. Moreso, he’s the only Link with a confirmed tragic ending. Not only does he end his life unsatisfied, but his adventure is failure on every timeline. In the adult timeline, Hyrule is swallowed by the sea. In the child one, Ganondorf returns again. In the fallen timeline, Hyrule fell. I like the idea since that the games themselves are the legends that are past down about each hero, Hylians have also remembered Time as a tragic figure. Yet, they also remember that the happy moments for his life come from small acts of kindness. Even someone as sad as him finds joy in helping others, even if it’s just to small deeds that will not be heralded as grand heroic quests. It’s beautiful.

What I hate about them: This is more about Mask than Time, but Mask is not an adult in a child’s body. He did not rewind time in Termina enough to be considered mentally an adult. He’s a young teenager at best, and that’s me being generous. He is a child who was forced to be an adult and despite the gods being done with him, he cannot conceive of ever having a childhood again. So he can say all he wants that he’s an adult, but he is not. That’s just what he thinks he is.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Anytime we get a flashback to him being a younger adult is great. I want to see more of his in this his early adulthood.

What I would like to see more focus on: I think I just want more of Time being... not a bad leader, but being an imperfect one. I honestly think he’s only the leader because he’s the oldest and enough of the heroes recognize the title of Hero of Time. But he is not the leader type, and he is struggling to keep it together and has to defer to Twilight and Warriors for help a lot.

What I would like to see less focus on: I’m not the biggest fan of Dad!Time for any of the Links. He’s not emotionally ready for it. And I think he defaults to treating the boys like adults because that’s how he wanted to be treated when he was their age.

Favorite pairing with: Malon. He has this great partnership of equal respect with her and it’s just. So good.

Favorite friendship: Linebeck. I know. This exists only in my head. But if these two ever meet, you cannot convince me that they would not get along swimmingly. It would be so good (once Linebeck gets over his crush on Time and stops hitting on him, of course).

NOTP: Child Timeline Zelda. Let me explain: I fully believe in Bi Time supremacy, and when in OoT, he definitely had a crush on Sheik. However, one of the worst parts of rewinding time and being in the child timeline is that Zelda is a completely different person now. They may have been friends in the other timeline, but her life experiences are completely different now. She is not the same person as he once knew. And it’s tragic to know someone as who they could have been, not as they are.

Favorite headcanon: After Termina, Time spent a lot of time with the Nabooru because out of everyone he knew, she’s the only who took him seriously even as a child. She has big older sister energy, and he considers her a part of his family. However, being treated as such made it easier for him to ignore his issues and put off his healing process by a few years.

-Legend-

What I love about them: Veteran of Heroes! What a freaking title. I love that he keeps on finding adventures, and that he keeps hustling. Even if he complains about never getting a break, you can tell that he loves helping others. He loves being on the road, never settling down, and finding adventure after adventure. Honestly, if any of the Links had a calling to be a hero, it’s him. Is he tired? Sure. Is he a little jaded after having saved Hyrule and a bunch of other kingdoms multiple times? Yes. But at the end of the day, he likes being a hero. This is who he is. His complaining is not genuine; he just plays the martyr because, at this point, he’s earned the right to.

What I hate about them: If you can’t tell by now, I have a, uh, different interpretation of Legend from popular canon. Fandom Legend is not right to me. He is unrecognizable. It is hard to write him because I feel like I have to balance what other people think Legend should be versus how I think he is. The people who are big Legend enjoyers probably feel the same way about my version of Warriors, and that’s fine. I’m not going to gel with every character and I don’t expect everyone to gel with how I see characters either. It’s goes both ways, y’know.

Favorite Moment/Quote: I like how subtly he tried to approach the Wolfie problem at first, trying to ask questions and get more proof before confronting Twilight. It’s a good touch.

What I would like to see more focus on: If I had to choose one thing, it’s this one throw away line about him never wanting to settle down. I’m telling you, folks! He likes his lifestyle! And did you see him when he does presenting the origins of the hero? He’s not bitter about being a hero! Legend is moody, but he is not angsty about the whole hero thing. Have fun with him please!

What I would like to see less focus on: If you can’t tell by now, Legend is my least favorite Link. There is a lot I want to see less of, but just to name one thing, it’s the headcanon that Fable is his sister. I live and die by common born Link, and whether he’s a legitimate heir or the royal bastard, I am more than bored with the persistent Prince!Legend content.

Favorite pairing with: Marin. It’s a good tragic story and I like it well enough. She’s cute, and he’s cute with her.

Favorite friendship: Warriors. I’m with everyone else on these two have peak sibling energy. They tease and pick on each other, but only they are allowed to mess with each other. They’re each other’s bully, and it’s always good to see.

NOTP: I do not have enough energy to have a lot of strong opinions about Legend’s romantic relationships, but I will mentioned that I have lost a lot of love for Ravio recently and am liking seeing him with Legend less and less. I have no better reason for this than the fact that I finally played ALBW and hate how many of my hard earned rupees he’s taken from me by withholding important, lifesaving items. Rat bastard.

Favorite headcanon: Remember my headcanon about him being the coolest bad boy folk hero on the block because everyone thinks he kidnapped Zelda? Yeah, I still stand by that one. I did good there.

-Hyrule-

What I love about them: If there is any Link that I would call a gutter rat, it is this one. I struggle a bit to talk about Hyrule since his games gives us so little, but in the end, I always fall back on him being a hero of the people. He is the one who has nothing and relates the best to people who are at their lowest. Yet, he is still a hero. He earns the right to be a hero because he helped Impa in her time of need. He’s selfless and competent. Even if he never got a traditional education, I bet he’s wicked smart too. He is the Link that symbolizes all of the parts of the Triforce the most. And, god. I cannot talk about him without mentioning the blood sacrifice part of LA. It’s such a cool concept, and I cannot imagine what it must be like to go from being the rough and tumble, win-at-all-costs fighting to protecting yourself first because if you don’t, the consequences are disastrous. It’s paradoxical, and it must be such a different mindset to fall into. But it must also be a blessing in disguise since now he has a reason to finally care about himself.

What I hate about them: Who started the Hyrule is innocent headcanon? Come over here because we need to exchange some words. If there is anyone who would be a realist and know how the world works, it’s this guy. And while we’re here, who came up with the Hryule is always lost headcanon? I also have some words for you. And you know what? WHILE WE’RE HERE, who let him be named Hyrule? I’m have more than choice words for you. His name scheme is the bane of my existence and the express reason why I don’t write him more. God.

Favorite Moment/Quote: That one panel where he takes utter delight in Warriors hiding from his scorned lovers? That is a central pillar in my understanding of Hyrule.

What I would like to see more focus on: Again, his relationship with other people. Even if his games are lacking in NPCs, we know from lore that he’s a good guy who will jump in to help others. He must know plenty of people, and I want to see who exists in his world with him.

What I would like to see less focus on: I have an on-going joke with my brother that certain characters are Catholic, even if Catholicism does not exist in the world of the thing we’re watching or playing. Of course, we’re not being serious. we’re just joshing around. So imagine the gut punch I feel whenever I see people say Hyrule is Christian and realize that they’re being serious. I just can’t take it seriously.

Favorite pairing with: Aurora. It’s cute and I’m a sucker for that hero and royalty dynamic, especially when the hero is a peasant. It’s so cheesy, but I love it.

Favorite friendship: Legend. But not the way everyone else pairs them up as the grumpy one and the sunshine one. I think of it more as them being the pinnacle of boys being boys. They’re shitheads. They do stupid shit together. They both have a dark sense of humor. They joke that they’re practically the same person sometimes.

NOTP: uhhhhhhhhh.... Is he paired with anyone else?

Favorite headcanon: I love the idea that he just likes his way of life and refuses to accept anyone saying otherwise. Legend wants to teach him to read? Sorry, but he’s never had to read before in his life so he’s pretty sure he’ll never need it anyway. Want to participate in the treasured Hylian tradition of piercing your ears when you come of age? Why would he ever do that when a monster could rip those earrings off? He’s stuck in his ways and it frustrates everyone else to no end, but he has no interest in ever changing.

-Wild-

What I love about them: When I was 9, I spent my time online on Legend of Zelda forums. I remember one of my forum friends saying that they wanted a Legend of Zelda game where Link lost. And I think of that friend whenever I think about Wild. BOTW Link is the best Link that has ever been. He is the epitome of every trait we associate with any Link. He’s smart and sassy. He’s hard working and kind. But underlining all of that is the fact that he’s still the one who failed. If Demise’s Curse in SkSw is the set-up, the Great Calamity is the payoff. And I haven’t even talked about how confirming him as being non-verbal before the Calamity does so much for his characterization. I don’t even know where to start or how to articulate it. By game storyline alone, Wild is one of my favorites.

What I hate about them: You guys knew this one was coming, but I’m going to have to say it anyway. Fandom Wild.... not good. I’ve said it for half of these boys so far, but god is it true. I have a way I see Wild that is rarely done in the fandom. Fandom Wild has a lot of the traits I also see in Wild, but to all of the extremes. I will mention one thing in particular as being a pet peeve, and it’s how some people headcanon him as always being nonverbal. I know what they’re trying to do, and I think they’re on to something, but they’re also missing the point of what BOTW Link’s character arc is. I just wish more people would forget fandom and work more off of the games for how to characterize him.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Weirdly enough, my favorite moment is when he got mad at everyone for making fun of his Gerudo outfit, so he dumped Goron Spice in his cooking. It’s encapsulates a part of his character I think a lot of people forget about.

What I would like to see more focus on: I think he has a really complicated relationship with his past. He said himself that his old self felt like a different person, and I think that should be explored a lot more. That idea actually fascinates me so much that instead of CTB, I almost wrote a character study fic about Wild. His emotions are not as simple as feeling guilty about letting his friends die and not preventing the Calamity. His emotions would be so complicated and because I don’t have the time to explore it, someone else needs to do it for me.

What I would like to see less focus on: There is a weird fascination with Wild having memory loss and essentially being like a kid again. And this feels infantilizing to me. It honestly bugs me a lot every time I see it.

Favorite pairing with: I can’t decide between Zelda, Mipha, and Revali. They’re all different dynamics and they’re all good.

Favorite friendship: Paya. I firmly believe that Paya is Wild’s best friend. I am the only one in the world who believes this. But I am also the only one in the world who is correct.

NOTP: Wild is good with everyone. Good for him!

Favorite headcanon: An essential scene of my Wild character study I will never write is one where his horse dies. He goes into shock and walks back to Kakariko to talk to Impa. But once he goes to her, he breaks down in tears and has an absolute melt down over the horse. And Impa sagely says, “It’s not about the horse, is it?” She’s implying that he’s actually mourning the loss of his friends, Hyrule, his life, everything-- but through his tears, he keeps tell her that she’s wrong. He barely remembers them. He doesn’t know them. He doesn’t have any feelings about them. He just really loved that horse. But Impa refuses to listen to him, just repeating over and over again: “it’s not really about the horse.”

And that’s it! That’s all of my opinions! I know a lot of my opinions are polarizing, but everything I said is in good faith, and I am not trying to diss anyone for how they approach these characters.

I welcome you to send me your Opinions on the Links, even if it’s just to disagree with me. I’m cool with it, and I like knowing what everyone else thinks!

#so there are my polarizing opinions #heed my note at the beginning and end about acting in good faith #anyway if you read all of this you are obligated to tell me some of your headcanons and opinions #sorry i don't make the rules except i actually do #linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu #lu sky #lu four #lu time #lu legend #lu hyrule #lu wild #lu twilight #lu wind #lu warriors #me rambling #ask #anonymous

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shinobusupremecy · 3 years

Note

hello!! I really like your headcanons/oneshots and how your whole account is just dedicated to her lol

um so question: I don't know if I missed anything (and I apologize if I did) but are you comfortable with writing shinobu x reader with medical conditions? and do you write shinobu x reader x ___ ?

ok ok so now to the actual request sorry- (this is not a douma x reader x shinobu)

so gn!reader was kinda adopted by douma? (ik it’s kinda ooc but yk-) and he just took them in because… why not? it’d be amusing having a tiny child run around his temple and face playing every now and then. so reader considers douma as their guardian and was able to go outside n stuff (that included sword fighting) And then he *+. m a g i c a l l y .+* started to have feelings? like he genuinely cared for the little shit that would steal his bean bag chair thingy? huh??? so then douma now has some emotions and yk he starts to kinda feel bad for eating all of those women and realized how much of an asshole he was and he’s like “I was so fucked up god damn”

yeah so now the reader is older and explores more out in the world and eventually leaves but would come visit every now and then. they quickly become a hash it’s due to all of that sword fighting practice stuff. now, you can choose if the reader knows that douma is a demon or not.

(Reader doesn’t know) eventually, shinobu and reader start dating and yk then there’s that arc. when the reader is going with them and is like “lol y are we at my guardian’s place? did someone get attacked while I was gone?” only to find out that fucking douma was a demon and has been eating the followers behind their back. they start like breaking down because imagine if your loving mom or dad was a cannibal or sum? so yeah reader tries to defend douma n stuff.

(Reader does know) As much as they respect the demon slayers n stuff.. they just can’t bring themself to tell them. They loved douma, he’s the one who’s been taking care of them ever since they were a toddler! He took such good care of them and genuinely loved them back too. They couldn’t do that to him.

Maybe even if it meant betraying their s/o.

In the end for both of them, reader has to choose whether to save douma or shinobu… (or, maybe reader gets heavily wounded in battle and douma hurriedly rushes in to save their adopted child with genuine fear and panic in his eyes?) and that’s for you to choose what to write! (or if you’re writing both endings, that could work too!)

I just wanna know how shinobu would act if her s/o’s guardian was the murderer of her sister? how douma actually cared about them and even would let their guard down to protect them? how hurt she would feel if they decided to side with douma and fight along them? or when she realizes that douma wasn’t just this evil demon, but a loving guardian to her beloved s/o who was raised with so much empathy and love?

ok sorry for the grammar mistakes and everything my phone is legit on one percent help—

Word count: 3808

Warnings: Manga spoilers

A/N: I don't have any rules that says I don’t write Shinobu x reader x __ so I can write this. This is a very interesting request, I like it a lot! Sorry if this got messy or cringe heh.

There are some things that I can’t write so deep about since otherwise this would be way to long and I don’t wanna bore you guys.

It depends on what medical conditions too, I haven’t decided that rule yet.

Art credit: https://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/4105405

It was another boring evening for the leader of the cult Douma.

“Oh man nothing to do. No pretty women to eat” Douma sighed out. Suddenly he heard the sound of a baby crying. He knew that sound too well. Sometimes woman with babies come to his cult to seek for help. He followed the sound and saw a baby hidden in the bush crying. He touched your cheek and slightly pinched them causing you to cry.

“Hm not fat enough. It won’t satisfy my hunger” He rose to his full height fanning himself even though the air was chilly.

“Ah well I guess I’ll just eat you when you grow older or something” He scooped you up and carried you. Since the women he took in often wanted him to hold their baby so he got used to holding babies. He walked back to his home and opened the door.

One of the servants came forward to him.

“L-lord Douma you’re home!” The servant came and bowed to Douma.

“Why do you have a baby with you?” The servant asked.

“This man likes to ask a lot of questions” Douma thought very annoyed.

“Oh I just find them in the forest” The servant nodded. “Can’t leave a defenseless baby in the forest am I right? I mean that’s the time where the demons lurk around” The servant nodded again.

“I’ll just take care of this baby myself. You go to sleep” Douma went into his room to set you down. You were sleeping and Douma thought you were a bit adorable.

“Hm I guess I’ll keep you for now” Douma sighed out a bit continuing to fan himself.

“I could probably use something to eat” He grabbed a arm from a women he hunted down yesterday.

“Hmm it’s a shame I had to kill you. You were a very kind woman” He chowed down spilling blood everywhere. You woke up from all the chewing sounds Douma made and saw him eating.

“Oh yeah you’re still here” Douma slapped himself for forgetting that a literal baby was in the same room.

For some reason seeing him covered in blood of his victims and holding a literal arm did not faze you. He walked towards you and reached out the arm. You were laughing and grabbing it’s finger.

His eyes widen a bit. Along with that something inside of him felt strange. It was like a bubbly feeling. He didn’t even know what it was, but whatever it was it felt good. He felt like he was floating, like all bad things just disappeared. He smiled at you but suddenly the door opened. It was that servant that greeted him when he came in with you.

His eyes widen and before he could even scream Douma came behind him and cut off his head.

“You disturbed my peaceful moments with this child” Blood spilled everywhere leaving a disgusting mess and the smell of iron was almost unbearable but you still seemed unbothered.

“Oh yeah I keep forgetting you’re here” Douma laughs a bit while covering himself with his fan so only his eyes were showing.

“Well I don’t like to eat men so much but the body parts of the women begins to loose their taste so this’ll do” And once again he chowed down and ate.

You just looked at him and he took the head of the servant, a fearfull expression still plastered on his face. He brought the face right in front of you but you only laughed.

“Hm? There is this weird thing mothers do with their child. What’s it called?” Douma made a thoughtful expression. “Oh yeah peek-a-boo” So that’s what he did with the decapitated head.

“Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo!” You only laughed and laughed. That same feeling came back to Douma. That same bubbly feeling.

“Hm I guess you aren’t so bad”

Timeskip 4 years (You’re 4)

“Ahhh ha!” You exclaimed as you grabbed Douma’s hat and ran around with it.

“Oh so naughty. Come back here!” Douma shouted.

“Noooo!” You shouted and ran past a servant making the poor women almost drop her plates.

“Sorry about that!” Douma yelled at the servant.

“O-oh no it’s okay Lord Douma!” Douma replied to her by a closed eyed smile.

You ran back to Douma and tackled him even if he was sitting. He didn’t move a bit.

“Hyyyyyah!” You tried to push him but he didn’t move a bit.

“Alright alright take it easy!” He said and held your head so you couldn’t reach him.

“You need to be careful! When you ran you almost made that woman drop her plates” You stopped and felt bad.

“Where is she?”

“Down the hall” You nodded and ran after her.

“HELLO! I WANNA APOLOGIZE FOR ALMOST MAKING YOU DROP YOUR PLATES!” Douma laughed at how loud you were.

“Oh no it’s okay! But please be a little more quiet” and again you aplogized loudly.

“Heh that child” Douma really liked having you around. You made him happy, he learned that from Akaza.

“Hello Akazaaaa!” Douma called after Akaza. His face immidietly changed to a pissed expression, it looked like he was gonna murder someone.

“How are you doing? My good friend?” Douma said as he wrapped his arm around Akaza.

“Get your filthy...” Akaza began to mumble.

“Huh? I didn’t hear you” Douma said with a teasing voice.

“I said get you’re filthy hands off me!” Akaza yelled each word becoming higher and more aggressive. He turned and sliced Douma’s head in half.

Douma healed up again.

“My my you seem more moody than usual, Akaza! Have something happened?” Akaza sighed out very frustrated.

“Oi Douma!” Douma turned to the owner of the voice and there was Guytaro and Daki.

“I asked the same thing and he almost sliced my head off. I don’t know why he’s so mad man” Douma only waved back and gave him a closed eyed smile.

“Anyways I wanted to ask you Akaza!” Douma cheered and Akaza stayed silent.

“I keep getting this weird bubbly feeling around that little baby I took in” Daki perked up at this.

“Oh that brat? You keep talking about that little thing. I wanna meet the thing” Guytaro rolled his tired eyes but Daki seemed to miss that.

“What feeling is that Akaza? Please answer me? Please please please!” Douma began to sound like a whiny baby.

“It’s called happiness you waste of air!” Akaza yelled and cut off Douma’s face again.

“Okay okay you can stop slicing my head off now. You getting my blood splattered everywhere. Akaza didn’t respond.

“Ah well thanks for the help Akaza!”

Timeskip (14 years you’re 18)

Time flew past so fast. Well it was only natural for Douma since he has lived for over 200 years but still. Under those 18 years a lot of things happened.

Douma has stopped eating women sine you made him realize how disgusting it was. More or less you threatened him. You’re now a hashira since you have killed over 50 demons as a kinoe. You passed the final selection when you were 14 and it took 4 years until you became a hashira. So you said that you would rat Douma out if he didn’t stop eating women. You were sick of the disgusting smell he left in his secret room and the sight almost made you near to vomit.

As much as you loved Douma for taking you in you really hated his habit. As much as Douma hated to quit eating women he did it for you. He grew attached to you, very attached. When you were gonna leave him he became very sad. Even cried. He cried so much it was even funny, you giggled everytime you thought about it, earning weird looks from your fellow hashira friends. You obviously visited Douma from time to time but never bringed anyone along you.

Most of the hashira liked you. Sanemi didn’t pay much attention to you. Obani threatened you to never hurt Mitsuri but he calmed down after you got together with Shinobu. Kyojuro likes you, thinks you have great potential. Giyu likes you mostly because you don’t join in on Shinobu’s bullying habits and Tengen thought you had drip. Muichiro thought you were a kind person, he felt kinda warm inside after you spoke with him. Gyomei prays for your safety because you were reckless.

Mitsuri LOVES you! She loves how you’re always so kind and has never judged her for being her. She trust you enough to share her problems with you like with Shinobu. You and Shinobu clicked. It was like you two were meant each other. You two understood each other, you two were great at teamworking against demons which lead to the Master pairing you two in missions way more often. It came to a point were both of you developed romantic feelings for each other. You were more bold so you were the one that planned to confess to her but sadly you’re confession was not so romantic since you confessed on accident.

You two were just walking around the butterfly estate just talking with each other.

While Shinobu was talking and even giggling you ended up just staring at her.

“Hm? You okay? You seem a bit out of it” You snapped out of your daze and smiled at her

“Yes I’m fine. Just admiring how beautiful you are” Shinobu giggled.

“Aww thanks” Shinobu smiled.

“And that’s also why I like you!” A awkward moment feel in right then and there.

“Y-you what?” You realized what you said.

“U-uh well I” You were to embarrassed beginning to sweat and your face becoming as red as a tomato. You tried to run away but Shinobu pinned you to the wall.

“I’m glad you feel the same!” She kissed you on the lips passionately before breaking the kiss. You were a flustered mess.

“Oh gosh we really did that” Shinobu only booped your nose.

“We sure did” She smiled and skipped away. You being in a daze didn’t notice she left you until she was at the end of the hall.

“Wow hold on wait!”

But things became a bit hard for you when Shinobu told you about her sister and that it was Douma that killed her.

“O-oh” You said and Shinobu nodded tears running down her face. Shinobu couldn’t hold it in anymore and she cried while hugging you. You tried your best to reassure her but you fell horrible knowing you’re guardian was the one that took Kanae who Shinobu held so dear away from her. But Shinobu cried so much that she missed the horrified expression you had and that lead to her yet not finding about you and Douma.

Whenever the hasira talk about the uppermoon you shared information but never about Douma. You just couldn’t do that to the man that took care of you with love and care all those years.

But then came the long painful night that you would never forget. You were talking with the triplets. Laughing and listening what they had to say. Suddenly Shinobu bursted into the room looking incredibly distressed.

“EMERGENCY! UBYASHIKI IS GETTING ATTACKED!” Not another word you grabbed your sword and ran out with Shinobu jumping onto the roofs of several buildings. None of you talked to each other or even tried too, you both were too stressed.

Suddenly you heard a loud explosion and immediately stopped in your tracks. You froze. Shinobu looked beyond shocked, she was sweating and her mouth was agape. Swallowing down your shock you continued to run, Shinobu quickly following after you. When you reached the masters estate you saw a figure.

“Muzan” You muttered and quickly went in for attack as long as the other Hashira. Suddenly it felt like you were stepping on nothing and along with Shinobu you all fell down.

“Shinobu!” You called but she didn’t respond. You quickly turned your body and used your breathing technique to dampen the fall. You didn’t see Shinobu anywhere but your heart sank when you realized you were at Douma’s estate.

“W-why am I here?” You asked and walked around. You had a very bad gut feeling that felt like it was eating you from the inside. You began to run around calling out for Douma.

Shinobu who was in middle of a battle with him stopped in her tracks.

“How do they know his name?” She thought but she lost focus and almost got hit. She looked at Douma who looked rather concerned?

He looked at the door before resuming his fight with Shinobu.

Soon you heard fighting and opened the door and saw Douma and Shinobu fighting. Douma was going in for the attack but you weren’t having it and jumped forward.

Your eyes widen because of the pain and almost in a instant you could barely breathe.

Shinobu was closer but Douma still managed to reach you first. He had fear and panic in his eyes, it was very much clear. He carried you in bridal style.

“Nakime teleport me to the infinity fortress” So Nakime did but for some reason Nakime teleported Shinobu there too. It was Muzan’s orders.

It was almost like a endless race. Douma jumped and broke through some doors. Shinobu was still very persistent and tried to get you back.

“Little pest!” Douma tired to strike Shinobu with his blood demon art.

“Please don’t hurt Shinobu” As much as Douma loves you he can’t treat your wounds if Shinobu is trying to get you back all the time.

“I could care less about her” He replied and tried to strike her.

“Let go of Y/N! You damn shithead!” Shinobu yelled and used a breathing technique which lead to Douma dropping you.

You fell down, everything felt like it was going slow-motion, you thought you would die so you just closed your eyes trying to at least make your last moments peaceful. Life flashed before your eyes. All your memories, all your moments with Shinobu, Douma and the pillars. It was great.

“I guess this is how it ends” You smiled but it looks like death never came as you felt someone carrying you. It seemed like the arms were small so you knew you were in Shinobu’s arms.

“It’s okay love! Just hold in there! I will treat you soon and-” Shinobu got cut off when Douma’s blood demon art came flying to her.

“When this piece of shit is dead!” She yelled and continued to evade the attacks.

“It hurts” You said and it seemed like both Shinobu and Douma heard it.

“I know love, I know” Douma got more panicked. Suddenly two more people came in the fight. Kanao and Inosuke.

“Alright! Get over here demon!” Inosuke shouted and went in for the attack.

Douma tried to slice Inosuke but he avoided it.

“Shinobu I’m feeling sleepy” Shinobu instantly averted her eyes to you and widened her eyes seeing you about to close your eyes.

“Come on love you can hold on longer! Don’t leave me! Please!” Her cries cut short when your eyes finally closed.

Suddenly it felt like you were laying on something. Was it grass? You opened your eyes and saw you were on a grass hill. The sky was clear blue and the air was nice and refreshing.

“A-am I dead?” You said and rose up walking around.

“Shinobu! Douma! Where are you?” Your eyes suddenly averted to Douma.

“Douma!” You said and ran towards him and hugged him.

“Hello Y/N” He replied and hugged you back.

“Where are we?” He smiled very sadly at you when you broke the hug a bit.

“We’re in the land of the dead or close at least” You gave him a confused look.

“You have a choice where to go. I don’t” You still held the same confused expression. “I’m going to hell. It’s what I get for all my years of killing” Your eyes widened. You weren’t surprised that was the fate that laid on him after all he done.

“You can still go back” You shook your head.

“I’ll join you then! You took care of me and everything. It’s only right that we both end up there together” Douma shook his head.

“No it’s not. I deserve to be here, you don’t. You still have some people waiting for you, don’t make them wait any longer” He pointed to his left and there you saw you but you had your eyes closed and a peaceful expression. You saw how Shinobu, Aoi, Kanao, and the butterfly estate girls were looking hopefully for you to wake up but no response. Even Tanjiro was there and Nezuko. The triplets started to cry.

“It’s been five months now” Aoi sighed out.

“Maybe we should just-”

“No” Shinobu said. “Don’t you dare. I’m still gonna have faith” Aoi nodded.

“See? You have people that want you back. I have no one. Please let me go” Tears formed on your eyes. You ran to hug him.

“I’m sorry but I still wanna go to you” Douma paused for a second before sighing a bit.

“I love you so so so much” He said and kissed your forehead before shoving you. Your eyes widened and you saw Douma getting consumed by flames.

“DOUMA!” You screamed falling down once again.

Warm. It was all you felt on your hand. It was comforting.

“Y/N. It’s been five months now. The war is over, many people didn’t survive but still...we finally have peace” You soon recognized it was Shinobu’s voice. Her hand holding your hand. You moved your thumb, stroking her hand.

“Y-Y/N? You’re awake?” You smiled, your eyes not fully open yet.

“Aoi! Kanao! She’s waking up!” Even though Shinobu only called for Aoi and Kanao everyone else came. Finally you managed to open your eyes and saw several faces in front of you.

“H-hi” And everyone jumped up and cheered, hugging everyone. The triplets started to cry and Aoi and Kanao hugged each other while crying. Shinobu cried too. Zenitsu and Nezuko hugged each other while Inosuke tried not to cry.

After everyone had calmed down, you sat up.

“I’m so glad you’re awake! Everything got so empty without you” Shinobu said.

“Heh I’m sorry it turned out this way” Shinobu only nodded. You looked at Tanjiro and saw he seemed a lot thinner.

“Wow Tanjiro you okay? It looks like you haven’t eaten well” Tanjiro quickly rose his hands up.

“O-oh no no it’s not like that! I lost all my physic strengths after the battle so...” You nodded.

“Uhm I have something to ask so can everyone go except Shinobu, Kanao and Inosuke. Everyone nodded and walked out of the room.

“You killed Douma didn’t you?” You asked and silence engulfed the room.

“Yes we did” Shinobu said looking serious.

“Did you know that demon?” Kanao asked.

“Yes I did. He was my guardian. He took care of me and loved me. He also stopped eating women after I became a hashira because I threatened him” Shinobu’s eyes widened.

“So that’s why he was so adamant of getting you?” You nodded.

“Did you know that he killed Kanae?” Shinobu asked.

“I understand if you wanna leave me. I’m so sorry for keeping it away from you but yes I knew. But I just couldn’t rat him out! Even if I threatened him I would’ve never do it anyways. My threat were empty. As said before he loved me so dearly and took care of me! He’s the reason why I’m here right now as a hashira since he trained me. I wasn’t very good nor strong but Douma never stopped training me. He didn’t give up on me and he never got mad at me for my mistakes” Shinobu thought about it. Maybe Douma wasn’t so bad. But no he killed her sister, she could never forgive that. But now he’s dead so she did manage to avenge her sister so does it really matter now?

“I’m sorry we killed your guardian. We didn’t know” Kanao said and bowed.

“No no it’s fine. I think it’s better that way” You smiled sadly. You looked at Shinobu who sighed.

“I understand why you didn’t tell me and if I was in the same situation I would’t tell either. But that doesn’t matter now. Let’s just look forward to the future and do what we can” You nodded and hugged her, tears spilling from your eyes.

Not long after you and Shinobu visited all the graves of your dear Hashira friends. Mitsuri, Obani, Gyomei, Muichiro and Kyojuro. You didn’t make it in time to meet Sanemi since he would travel around. Shinobu was always cleaning and taking care of Kanae’s shrine and sometimes you helped her. You missed Douma but still this was for the best.

You and Shinobu spend your days by just taking it easy and taking care of the patients that still needed treatment. The demon slayer corps got disbanded. You two took care of your goldfishes and you all lived together in the butterfly estate.

Years flew by. You and Shinobu got married and few years later Kanao and Tanjiro, Zenitsu and Nezuko and Inosuke and Aoi got married too. Oh what a busy painful month that was. Everyone had to work hard for the wedding plans. It was exhausting. Few years later they all got wonderful kids of their own but you and Shinobu adopted one instead. It was a beautiful girl, even if she weren’t your biological kid you both loved her nonetheless.

Finally you and Shinobu grew old. Grew wrinkles, being more forgetful, couldn’t move around too much but still you two were happy. Your daughter were now a adult and even got two kids. They are eight.

You and Shinobu are now laying on your beds knowing it would be your last days alive. You both would die of old age and were now just waiting. Your beds were beside each other holding each other hands.

“You nervous?” Shinobu asked tilting her head towards you.

You chuckled your voice more raspy.

“Well I almost died once so I should know how it feels” Now it was Shinobu’s turn to chuckle a bit although it sounded like it took all her energy to do that.

“It seems like we two will die alone here” You said.

“I don’t mind. At least I get to die with you” You smiled at Shinobu.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way” You said almost in a whisper and Shinobu nodded.

“Me neither”

“I love you Shinobu”

“I love you too” And with that you both fell asleep your hands still touching each other.

What a nice ending for two lovers.

A/N:Thank you for requesting! This was fun to write but I had to plan alot for it lol.

SPOILER

When Douma pushes down Y/N that is inspired when Sanemi’s dad pushed Sanemi so he couldn’t join his mother in hell. Fun fact.

#kny #kny x reader #kny x you #kny x y/n #demon slayer shinobu #shinobu #shinobu kochou #shinobu kochō #shinobu x reader #shinobu x you #shinobu x y/n #kny douma #douma x reader #🦋eli writes

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demonslayedher · 3 years

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Tanjiro Is Not Hot Stuff

and this is a good thing

It's easy to dismiss Tanjiro as overpowered, but in this post I'd like to disagree. For all his ability, Tanjiro is still a scrappy fighter, and his abilities have concrete reasons within the context of his shounen manga universe. Furthermore, despite Tanjiro's unique connection to the legendary Yoriichi, Gotouge continually drives home that he is just one character among many united in a common goal to eliminate all evil demons.

That phrase, 悪鬼滅殺, being the backbone of the Demon Slayer Corp, is engraved into each of the Pillars' swords. On that note, I'd like to first address that this may not be Yoriichi's sword. EDIT: On further reflection, because the color of the sword is only dyed once and being held by another swordsman doesn't change it, I've recounted on this theory and feel pretty certain it's Yoriichi's. But it was fun to consider other possibilities, and I'm going to italicize everything that I now consider an incorrect theory.

It's praised for it's Warring States/Sengoku era craftsmanship. This was a time with the swordsmen were first learning the Breath techniques (despite the Corp already having been around for centuries already). It’s also praised for its use of the singular "eliminate" idea encapsulated in the lone 滅 character. Haganezuka himself states that the person who wielded this sword must had been extraordinarily skilled. It's implied that, since Yoriichi also used a black blade (when it wasn’t red), and since this was inside the Yoriichi Zero Type battle doll, it must had been Yoriiichi's sword and therefore well suited to Tanjiro’s Hinokami Kagura techniques which he focuses on for the remainder of his battles.

However, let's think backwards a moment. This sword was produced in a time when Yoriichi, as an outright genius, had profound influence on the Demon Slayer Corp. Although everyone tried, no one could quite pick up his Sun Breathing, but they took the parts that worked for them and the Flame, Thunder, Wind, Water, and Rock techniques took form. We know that since the quality of demon slayers decreased after this generation (my guess is this is due to the mark killing them all off and therefore the lack of a mark in following generations made them seem less skilled over all).

It's unlikely that Yoriichi, the Sun Breath user himself, would have had any use for this training doll; instead it must had been used by one of those early Breath creators trying desperately to match Yoriichi's skill, and probably using a sword that was modeled with the ideal Sun Breath in mind, and not yet taken shape to suit the Breath that user would later polish. It was perhaps after further definition of their new techniques that they left the old sword behind.

Two more reasons I don't believe this is Yoriichi's sword: Yoriichi, a genius who probably didn't allow his sword to break with improper technique, was still using a sword with a single 滅 inscription when he faced Kokushibo in his old age, and we only see him use a sword with a hilt guard of this shape.

So then who used one with this shape?

We don’t quite see if any of the other Sengoku era swords are likewise inscribed with 滅 (and the lack of the swordsmith’s name implies that this was the swordsmith’s creative choice), but we do get a peek at a few other swords. None of them have a hilt guard quite the same, but this is as similar as it gets:

The character whom we see using a sword like this has hair in a black ponytail. It’s a little different from the Water Breath user who makes a few appearances, but not that different, and we never see what blade the Water Breath user is wielding.

I theorize that Tanjiro inherited an early Water Breath user's sword, which made it extra suitable for his techniques. Despite the differences between Hinokami Kagura and Water Breathing being stark enough that switching takes a huge physical toll on Tanjiro, I believe that Water Breathing will always have an influence on his performance of Hinokami Kagura, or at least draws out the aspects from which Water Breathing was based.

That brings me to another thought: Tanjiro’s seemingly overpowered ability to pick up other people's techniques, like the Thunder Breathing speed he heard about from Zenitsu. With Sun Breathing being the root of all other Breath techniques, Tanjiro has grown up already practicing the formative basis of all the other techniques, including Thunder Breathing. His speed (no pun intended) in adopting new techniques does feel more than a little overpowered, but Tanjiro has long shown a history of adopting new techniques and strategies in the middle of a fight. It's also a characteristic of Tanjiro to be constantly analyzing his fighting style and battle experiences even in his sleep, so that shows it's the result of his hardworking, eldest son personality to rely more on perseverance and practice than on natural ability.

That being said, the family history under the influence of tending fire does seem to give Tanjiro some innate suitability for Sun Breathing techniques, as implied by other characters like Haganezuka pointing out his red eyes and Shinjuro noticing Tanjiro's supposed mark right away and immediately interpreting this as an unfair amount of talent. Bring a humble charcoal farmer as opposed to a hardened swordsman may be what gave Sumiyoshi the ability to grasp the essence of Sun Breathing so thoroughly and efficiently (though we know Yoriichi taught his technique to others whom Kokushibo later eliminated, we don’t know if they could perform it as accurately, especially since the rest of the swordsman had so much difficulty with it). This point was so important that Gotouge even considered including charcoal references or the name of the fire god Kagutsuchi (commonly associated with hearths and purification) in the title of the series (see more about that here.)

But, get this, Tanjiro was not originally meant to be the main character. According to an interview in the first official fanbook with the first editor, Katayama, the following exchange took place after reviewing Gotouge’s sketches for a manga idea, “Kisatsu no Nagare,” in which the main character, Nagare, is a quiet, stoic type with fake limbs in place of ones he lost in the Final Selection (he feels a lot like Giyuu, in my opinion):

What changed it from “Kisatsu no Nagare” to “Kimetsu no Yaiba”:

(Continued from criticism of Nagare being a difficult character to build a series around:)

“...after determining that with these small changes we still wouldn’t be able to change the impact much, we threw around the idea of changing the protagonist. Since [Gotouge-]Sensei hadn’t yet moved to Tokyo from the countryside, I asked one day on the phone, “Is there any other character besides Nagare (in the world of “Kisatsu no Nagare”) that’s may a little more cheerful and normal?”

Sensei answered, “There is, but I don’t know if he’s interesting or not.” When I asked, “What sort of character is he?” the response was, “He’s a boy who sells charcoal, and his little sister got turned into a demon, so he enters the Demon Slayer Corp to try to turn her back.” And I thought, that’s it, that’s THE protagonist, and said, “Let’s go with that! A normal kid is good!”

I think we can all agree that Tanjiro’s oldest son personality is a big part of what makes him stick out as a protagonist. But, for as hard as he works and strongly as he feels, he is constantly aware of everyone else’s efforts and wishes, and he states over and over throughout the series that even if he should die in pursuit of his goals, someone else in the organization is absolutely certain to accomplish them in his place. We see the same sentiment among other characters who meet their doom, even powerful characters like Pillars, so it really drives home that this series is about the Demon Slayer Corp more than it is about any single child who has lost his family to demons. It’s for reasons like this that I really, really appreciate how the fanbooks, in how they present basic info, refer to Tanjiro like he’s just one example of a Corp swordsman; he’s not even worth introducing right away. It’s because of this focus on on everyone’s collective efforts that even if Tanjiro as the protagonist, I think it totally could have fit the story to have him die like implied in chapter 200, or proven right about his faith in everyone and be killed when he’s a demon.

Finally, a Taisho Secret around chapter 193 specifies that although Tanjiro has made a significant amount of progress in Hinokami Kagura, he's still not such Hot Stuff. If you break it into three levels, being able to go through the motions of something, then being able to refine and adapt it, and then being able to perform something in a way that maximizing its potential is all different. Even deep in the battle again Muzan, Tanjiro is only right about at the beginning points of being able to refine and adapt his techniques.

So there you have it, Tanjiro is special, especially for his naturally positive, hardworking, and empathetic personality. But, he's no Pillar (yet), nor is his will and experience worth any more or less than all the other Demon Slayers, swordsmiths, Kakushi, wisteria house owners, crows, Ubuyashiki Clan members, and all the other supporters across centuries of history working toward one common goal, one eternal feeling: eliminate all evil demons.

#Kimetsu no Yaiba #Demon Slayer #KnY fandom theories and meta #kamado tanjirou #kamado tanjiro

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etheriadearie · 4 years

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“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

#she ra #spop #she ra and the princesses of power #catradora #happy birthday Catra #catra #she ra shadow weaver #shadow weaver #adora #my writing #thanks for reading #she ra synopsis #she ra fan theory #she ra meta

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theworldinclines · 3 years

Text

Title: family matters Pairing: Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi Excerpt: “You’re almost like another son to him anyway,” Sizhui points out. “So you’re the favourite child while I get tossed to the wayside?” Ao3 link

Read below the cut.

The first time Jingyi meets Sizhui, they are each five. Zewu-Jun himself delivers the boy to lessons and asks that the children treat Sizhui with exceptional respect and consideration. That in itself isn’t anything new, as the Lans have written rules that explain why giving others kindness is one of the many keys to leading a decent life and acting as a role model to those in- and outside the sect. What was different, however, was the moment before Zewu-Jun took his leave from the students.

He gave a downturn of his chin to the boys and the teacher, but was unable to take more than two steps before little Sizhui had grappled to his robes, arms held fast around the Sect Leader’s left leg. Jingyi has never been known for necessarily obedient behaviour, but even he had never dared such an act toward Zewu-Jun, let alone in public. To the entire room’s astonishment, the man didn’t look put out in the very least. Rather than reprimand the child, Zewu-Jun put a gentle hand to his head and guided him out into the gardens. Jingyi knew he would be scolded were he to peek at them, and did it anyway when Laoshi’s back was turned.

Outside he saw Sizhui and Zewu-Jun, the Sect Leader in his immaculate robes bent to a knee as though they were in the cleanly confines of a hall rather than stood on a dusty path. Sizhui was staring at the ground, rubbing at his nose, and Zewu-Jun gave him a gentle chuck beneath the chin, murmuring words Jingyi couldn’t possibly hear. Sizhui’s nod prompted a smile from the Sect Leader that Jingyi, even at his young age, could tell held something more behind it.

He was quick to be facing the front of the room by the time Sizhui was led back into the class, much more collected and prepared to learn for the day. Jingyi understands, sort of; although he hadn’t wanted to begin lessons either, it’s just what is expected of children their age in the Cloud Recesses. He’d still stomped and whined, of course, but here he sits.

And he’s rather glad to have come once Laoshi dismisses them, because he gets to trot after Sizhui’s slow movements and say, “Hey!” He recalls in a split-second Zewu-Jun’s request that they show Sizhui respect, along with the rules, and adds quickly, “Welcome to Cloud Recesses. I haven’t seen you before.” Sizhui stares at him, uncertain. “Did you just come here? Where’d you move from?”

Sizhui gives a helpless shrug that is interrupted by the Sect Leader’s prompt appearance by his side. Jingyi immediately dips into a polite little bow that makes Zewu-Jun smile and he returns the gesture. Jingyi grins before he can bite it down and says, “Zewu-Jun, where’s Sizhui from?”

The Sect Leader hesitates a moment before his expression smooths into something less telling. “He is an orphan, A-Yi,” he says simply. “I trust that you will show him kindness.”

Jingyi looks at Sizhui with slightly widened eyes, nodding vigorously. “I will!” he promises the older man. To the boy, he says, “I’ll protect you. Don’t worry.”

For the first time, Sizhui’s lips quirk into the hint of a smile. “You don’t need to do that. I’m okay.”

“Too late,” Jingyi says firmly. “Tell me if anyone is mean to you and I’ll deal with them.” Zewu-Jun lowers his eyes to hide his amusement and Jingyi barrels on, “Better yet, I’ll stick by your side to save the trouble. Okay?”

Sizhui allows a little nod before Zewu-Jun murmurs that they should be heading home. The boy nods and Jingyi gives a wave, which Sizhui repays with a shy, squint-eyed smile. Jingyi beams. It may be Zewu-Jun’s request, but keeping Sizhui safe won’t be an arduous task at all, he thinks. Maybe they’ll even become good friends!

Jingyi finds Sizhui by the rabbits. It’s his friend’s favourite spot in the Cloud Recesses and if ever there’s a time when Jingyi can’t seem to find Sizhui in the main pavilion, he knows where he’ll be. Today is no exception.

Sizhui had disappeared just before he and Jingyi were meant to meet. They had each taken their meals as quickly as possible without appearing impolite to their families before the usual rendezvous by the rock garden’s bridge for a short break together, a daily update of all things Cloud Recesses. But when Jingyi arrived, Sizhui was nowhere to be seen and he’d known that something must have happened for his best friend to abandon him without warning.

Seeing Sizhui now, surrounded by soft rabbits, Jingyi hopes that he’d perhaps fallen into a brief mood as he sometimes does and all is in fact well, though he’d had to come here to get away from it all. He wouldn’t fault Sizhui that. However, when he calls out for him in approach, Sizhui wipes at his face like he’s been caught, and Jingyi begins to frown.

“A-Hui,” he says, coming to a stop beside him. Sizhui won’t look at him, gaze focused on the ground as he soothes a rabbit in his lap, and Jingyi can see that his eyes are red, cheeks tear-streaked. “A-Hui,” he repeats.

“I’m alright,” Sizhui says. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s been four years and you still think I care,” Jingyi replies, the slightest sarcasm in his words. “What happened?”

“It really isn’t a big deal.”

“So some non-issue made you come here and cry?” Jingyi deduces dryly.

“They…” Sizhui stops.

Jingyi sombers and can feel his frown deepening. “They who?”

“Mingyu. And Pengfei. Rumours about where I’m from.”

“Sizhui, what’d they do?”

“They said…” Sizhui’s hands shake only slightly where they hold the rabbit, but it still makes Jingyi’s stomach hurt. “Just that they think I’m from that old sect that was eradicated years ago for their evil ways, and how it’s strange I’m not dead like the rest of them. A-Fei said if I’m evil it’s their duty to — ” Sizhui doesn’t complete the sentence as his voice catches, but Jingyi is already on his feet. “A-Yi!” Sizhui’s hand reaches for Jingyi’s ankle, though he’s too far to catch. “What are you doing?”

“What’s it look like?” Jingyi demands. “I’m going to challenge them to a duel and shame them in front of the gods and the Four Families. What else?”

“Jingyi, don’t,” Sizhui says tiredly.

“Why not?”

“We’ve only just begun sword-work, for one,” Sizhui quips, aiming for a joke. Jingyi crosses his arms over his chest and Sizhui sighs as he gently sets the rabbit aside to stand. “We’re barely 10,” he says. “You can’t fight another kid to the death, Jingyi.”

“I disagree,” he mumbles.

“Well, that’s allowed. I don’t expect us to agree on everything. But you’ll only get in trouble and I don’t want that.”

“They said horrible things to you!” Jingyi exclaims. “And I said I’d protect you. ‘Our word is our oath,’ remember? Never break a promise. If I don’t confront them, I’m betraying one of our rules. A punishable offense, you know.”

“Coming here to find me is enough,” Sizhui says, fond but immovable, per usual. “I’m not even crying anymore, thanks to you. I’d say you did your duty.” Jingyi grumbles his dissent, arms still crossed, but Sizhui just bumps their shoulders together as he stands by his side, twining an arm through Jingyi’s out of habit. “Let’s get back to class.”

“They’re lucky they didn’t say that stuff in front of me,” Jingyi says while they walk. “Those brats. Don’t think I won’t do it next time.”

“Yes, A-Yi.”

“Don’t ‘Yes, A-Yi’ me; I mean it!”

“Okay, A-Yi.”

“Sizhui!” comes the expected whine.

Because it is their shared space, another day finds the boys with the rabbits. Zewu-Jun had apparently shown it to Sizhui when he first arrived and was feeling lonely, and although Jingyi dislikes that Sizhui had felt sad, he’s happy that it had at least brought them a special hideaway that so few know about. There’s nothing like an afternoon of hideously dull lessons to remind Jingyi why he so prefers not being in class. As if he ever forgets.

“There’s no way Laoshi Qiren isn’t trying to kill us,” Jingyi deadpans. “I swear, leaving his class I’m always sapped of both energy and will to live. Not a coincidence.”

“You say this nearly every day.”

“And it’s true! A slow-burn murder.”

“I feel certain that if my Grand-Uncle was trying to kill me, there’d be more concern from my father and uncle.”

Jingyi makes a face and holds a rabbit up to meet her dark gaze. “What do you think? Who’s right, little one?”

Sizhui rolls his eyes, taking the rabbit gently from Jingyi so that he can return her to the grass with her family. “She can’t talk,” he says, “but if she could, she’d agree with me.”

“One of our numerous Sect rules is to reserve assumptions until proper evidence is drawn,” Jingyi recites, “yet here you are. What would your esteemed uncle say? Or your father, for that matter?”

“Zewu-Jun would say it’s worth it to tease you. Baba would say… I’m right,” Sizhui concludes proudly. “Because I’m his son.”

“Nepotism! Utter bias!”

“You’re almost like another son to him anyway,” Sizhui points out.

“So you’re the favourite child while I get tossed to the wayside?” Sizhui laughs at Jingyi’s affronted expression, and for that Jingyi takes his free hand where it rests across from him on the grass. “You know, that’s fine. If he already accepts me as a son, there won’t be any trouble when I request formal permission to court you.”

Sizhui turns red and pulls his hand back to pet the rabbit, glancing around as though someone might be watching all of a sudden. “You’re silly,” he says to Jingyi.

“We’re already going to be 15!” Jingyi pouts.

“Why are you so interested in discussing it today?”

Jingyi tugs a little at a few strands of grass. “Just the lesson earlier about cultivation partners.”

Sizhui’s cheeks haven’t lost their blush but he does look pleasantly surprised as he says, “You paid attention in class after all! A-Yi!”

“Only for today because it applied to me,” Jingyi insists. “To us, I guess.”

Sizhui seems to remember his shyness and ducks his head. “You want me to be your cultivation partner?” he asks.

“Don’t you want to be?”

“I never said I didn’t!” Sizhui says quickly, seeing that Jingyi appears disheartened. He carefully reaches for his hand despite his own red face and says, “Would I spend all my time with you if I didn’t want to?”

“Well, how should I know?” Jingyi asks, but he’s sitting up like he’s got less weight holding him down now. Back to his usual self, which is a good sign. “Some cultivation partners are platonic, you know.”

“Rarely.”

“A-Hui, are you questioning Laoshi Qiren?”

“I’d prefer to avoid lashing by oar if I can avoid it, thank you.”

“I thought you said you have nepotism on your side!”

Sizhui shakes his head and, somehow graceful even here, stands up from the ground. “We should head back, A-Yi,” he says, brushing invisible dust from his robes. “It’s getting late now.”

“Can’t we just stay here forever?” Jingyi asks dramatically, falling onto his back. At Sizhui’s look, he sighs and extends a hand upward for Sizhui to accept.

Instead of allowing him to help Jingyi to his feet, Jingyi tugs Sizhui down so that he tumbles back to the ground, half against Jingyi’s side. Jingyi laughs aloud in amused delight while Sizhui’s blush returns with a vengeance.

“Lan Jingyi!” he scolds, twisting away from him. “Shameless!”

“You sound like your father!” Jingyi laughs again.

Sizhui huffs and hurries to stand, putting distance between himself and Jingyi. “And if you don’t want him to give you the oar, you’d better just do as I say. Let’s go.”

“Bossy, bossy,” Jingyi says, though he’s following Sizhui obediently for the path. He sneaks a glance to his left and can’t help but grin at Sizhui’s flushed cheeks and the way his ears have gone pink at the tips. According to Sizhui, Hanguang-Jun’s ears do the same.

He gives a little poke to the skin of Sizhui’s ear, just to mess with him, and Sizhui huffs another breath that sounds suspiciously like, “Completely shameless!” before abandoning Jingyi altogether to hurry ahead of him.

If Wei Wuxian had been asked as a teenager whether he could ever envision making a life for himself in the Cloud Recesses, he’d have laughed in your face. He did, actually, when Jiang Cheng made the passing joke all those years ago, assuring his brother that this place would never feel like home to someone with Wei Wuxian’s habits. Now, what’s closer to two decades ago than Wei Wuxian would like to think about, he has to admit that his younger self hadn’t been nearly open-minded enough.

Circumstances that he couldn’t have foreseen changed his view of Cloud Reccesses, and he knows that he will be here for as long as he can be because being here means keeping his place beside his husband and son. He wouldn’t want to be anywhere else these days and the certainty of that sometimes takes him by surprise, when he considers just how different things are now but in a way that feels right, like it’s what always was meant to be.

He feels himself smiling when he sees A-Yuan and A-Yi in the woods near the rabbits. He knows that Lan Xichen had brought A-Yuan years before when he’d been new here, sure that giving the child a piece of Lan Wangji would bring him comfort in his three-year absence. It’s still Wei Wuxian’s favourite place in the Cloud Recesses — except for the rooms he shares with Lan Zhan, of course, but that’s a given — and it makes him even happier that Lan Sizhui had found solace here as his fathers had done at his age.

He watches from afar with a fond smile as the boys stand to be on their way home, but Wei Wuxian’s smile freezes when he can tell even from here that Sizhui is smiling sweetly with a hand in Jingyi’s, and his smile decidedly disappears when he realises their faces are far too close together. Wei Wuxian trips backward, a twig or five snapping as he does, and it must alert the boys to an outside present for when he regains his footing against the tree, they’ve fled the scene. A hand to his chest, Wei Wuxian stands there in astonishment.

This lasts for only a moment before he is all but sprinting for the Library Pavilion where his husband is sure to be writing this early afternoon. He forces himself to slow down so as to not alarm Lan Wangji, though he comes to a sliding stop inside the doors anyhow with heaving breath.

“What’s happened?” Lan Wangji asks, not lifting his eyes from his work. When it’s obvious that Wei Wuxian is still having trouble speaking, he looks up at him. “Wei Ying?”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian says. He goes to him across the room and drops onto the floor to clutch at his husband’s arm. He stares at Wei Wuxian with the slightest concern and Wei Wuxian says, “I don’t mean to be dramatic — ”

“Debatable,” Lan Wangji answers. “Say what you have to say.”

“Did you know A-Yuan is — that he and Jingyi are — ”

“They are what?”

“I’ve just seen them with the rabbits, which is ordinary, but afterwards, Lan Zhan — ”

“Baba? A-die?”

Both men look for the entrance where their son has appeared, hands folded in front of him and looking for all the world their dutiful, sweet boy. Wei Wuxian’s heart stops, a feeling he’s never enjoyed, and jumps to his feet.

“Sizhui!” he exclaims.

“I need to speak with you both. Is this a bad time?” he asks. He’s walked in on more than one longing glance between his fathers to know when he should make himself scarce, but Wei Wuxian waves his son’s worry away like a pesky gnat.

“Come here,” Lan Wangji invites him, and Sizhui does. He sits across from Lan Wangji, who looks up at his still-standing husband. Wei Wuxian hurriedly settles beside him and nods at Lan Sizhui in assurance.

“I wanted to tell you on my own, before anyone else, so that you would know I’m sure of my decision,” Sizhui begins. “With your formal permission, I… I will begin publicly courting Jingyi.” Sizhui’s ears have begun to redden but he doesn’t hesitate as he goes on, “We’d like to be married.”

The library is silent enough that a pin’s dropping would prove thunderous.

As calm as he normally is, Lan Wangji simply asks, “How long have you known?”

“A-die, you know he and I have been friends since almost the day I arrived here. He’s been there for me without my ever having to ask, and we… we’ve been certain of how we feel for over six years now.”

“Six years?” Wei Wuxian blurts aloud. Lan Wangji gives him a warning side-eye and Wei Wuxian tries to remain collected. “Sizhui, if it’s been so long, why haven’t you told us until today?”

Sizhui’s flush deepens but he forces himself to meet his father’s eyes. “Before all else, Jingyi and I are friends. We didn’t want the hassle of chaperones or rumours. I understand if our keeping this secret is upsetting, Baba.” He bows his head. “I… I’m soon to be 18, and I know we’re young. But I can’t help wanting to make the most of whatever time A-Yi and I have. You and A-die — ”

A pause. “From what I’ve been told of your story, it has kept in my mind that I shouldn’t live with this sort of hidden feeling any longer than necessary.” Sizhui looks up at them. “Jingyi loves me, and I love him. Will you allow our marriage?”

Wei Wuxian is crying, which he’d be embarrassed about if he cared, and he throws propriety to the wind in favour of opening his arms for his son, who gladly and in relief stands to accept the embrace. Lan Wangji is sort of smiling in a clear indication that he’s happy with these events, and Wei Wuxian leans to poke at his cheek just to tease him.

“I’m thrilled you’ve told us,” Wei Wuxian says to Sizhui. “I assume Jingyi is informing his parents?”

“Well, we wanted to wait until we had your blessing,” Sizhui admits. “It would be easier to tell them once we know Hanguang-Jun and the former Yiling Patriarch are on our side.”

“You little schemers!” Wei Wuxian says, giving Sizhui’s cheek a light pinch. “Go on, then. Tell Jingyi the good news.”

Sizhui beams and looks at Lan Wangji. His smile strengthens under his son’s eyes and he gives the slightest nod, which Sizhui knows to translate as wholehearted approval.

He bows to his fathers and disappears from the library. Wei Wuxian falls against Lan Wangji’s arm as soon as he’s gone.

“Ah, Lan Zhan. I rushed here to tell you about how I saw them kiss in the woods, but A-Hui beat me to it. I suppose they’d just decided at that moment to tell us, you think?”

“Mn.”

“If I didn’t already know Jingyi to be a good boy, I’d have to kill him.” Wei Wuxian sneaks a look at Lan Wangji, who doesn’t look amused. “No fun, Lan Zhan, no fun.” He taps a finger on the table and at Lan Wangji’s prompting expression says, “Well, I suppose they’ll be needing a chaperone now, eh? Can I volunteer to keep an eye on Jingyi? Break a leg or two?”

“Wei Ying.”

“Ah, Lan Zhan, I’m kidding,” Wei Wuxian says with a half-pout. “Huh. Maybe this is how Grand Master Qiren feels about me defiling the soul of his youngest nephew. I think I understand now.”

“You did not ‘defile’ anything,” Lan Wangji says without pause.

“My good husband.” Wei Wuxian presses a kiss to his cheek, followed by a gentle pat to the other. Although he’s smiling, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and Lan Wangji covers Wei Wuxian’s hand carefully with his, wordlessly asking for Wei Wuxian to speak his mind.

“It’s nothing. Only what Sizhui mentioned about our past. I don’t want to marry away our son but I… I am grateful that they don’t have to endure… all we had to endure. No mortifyingly long wait to reach their happily ever after. I’m glad for it.”

Lan Wangji nods his agreement and brushes a kiss against his husband’s hand, making him blush. “A-Zhan!” he says with feigned astonishment. “Not in the library! Shameless.” Wei Wuxian knows he isn’t imagining the amused, pleased look on Wangji’s face, and he can’t hide his own smile at the sight. He still pulls out of Lan Wangji’s grip and says, “I don’t want to be responsible for any damage here, Gods forbid Qiren’s wrath finds me! Later?”

“Mn. Later.”

Wei Wuxian dimples at Lan Wangji, firing off a wink, before hightailing it for the Gods know where.

Lan Wangji returns to his writing, but pauses as he thinks about the hour’s events. His son will be married surely within a year, perhaps have children of his own. The thoughts of a new baby to hold and Sizhui being loved so dearly bring such an unexpected wave of warmth to Lan Wangji that he decides, for today, he can put work to the side. He goes off to find his family growing, or perhaps the ‘later’ he’d been promised.

#i love them to no end #also wanting to write nhs/wn but theyre such a rare pair lmaooo #honestly so are ljy/lsz so what am i saying dkjkfhdkj #my writing #zhuiyi #lan jingyi x lan sizhui #the untamed #ao3 #archive of our own #fics #mlm #c drama #cdrama

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aidensm8 · 4 years

Text

Random vampire AU ramble just cause it was too tempting

Setting:

All the light sides are vampires, the dark sides are hunters

Patton is head of his own vampire manor

Remus and Roman were born human twins (still a prince and a duke)

Janus is a shapeshifter who became a hunter to protect his friend from a demon that friend made a deal with

Logan is the average working human

Virgil is also a normal human who wanted to make a legacy and so he ran away and became a hunter

Storyline:

Patton’s is a pureblooded vampire who owns his own manor, he has gargoyles and other newer vampires to serve him

Logan is a regular human who was stressed about work, he one day runs into the dark woods in a fit of anger when his boss and coworkers piss him off

Logan cools down but then realizes he’s lost

A creature finds Logan, severely injuring him

Patton is out on a hunt when he stumbles into Logan. He feels pity and asks Logan if he can try to save him

Logan says “I doubt there’s anything you can do to save me but yes…” while hoping the stranger meant giving him a merciful death

Logan is surprised when he awakens in a fancy room, his wounds seemingly gone. He feels a huge wave of relief that he’s alive but is now anxious of what to do when he goes back home. He’s panicking but tries to calm down to figure out his situation

Studying his surroundings, he notices that the room has no mirrors

His thoughts are interrupted when one of Patton’s “servants” come to check on him. They give him spare clothes and tell Logan that they’ll inform the master that he’s awake

When Patton enters the room, Logan’s worries are calmed. He recognizes Patton as the stranger who saved him and asks him what he did

Patton apologizes profusely and tells Logan that he is a vampire now

Logan is shocked but now trying to figure what to do, how his job would react

Patton offers to let Logan stay with him, to be his advisor or keeper of the archives

Logan takes a moment to think, he has no friends nor attachments to his human life. He has a chance to feel happy, but knows the feeling of guilt from “running away” from his duties will haunt him

Patton reads his emotions, sensing the guilt, and assures Logan that he’s free to start over, to choose what’s best

Patton gets up to leave since he has duties to attend to, but will return to check on Logan later

As time goes on, Logan is feeling settled in his new role in the manor, doing an excellent job at maintaining the archives

Patton regularly checks on Logan to see how he’s doing until one checkup, Logan asks why Patton cares so much about him, why he saved him

Patton’s response brings Logan to tears. Patton holds Logan close, giving him words of assurance and love, and at that moment, Logan silently vows to himself that he will protect Patton with the 2nd chance of life he has given him

—

Moving on to the twins’ side of the story, Roman and Remus are still prince and duke

Roman is crowned prince but recently, discourse has happened and their father, King Creativity, had made some mistakes to warrant the people wanting the royalty removed

The king makes the mistake of pissing off a vampire, who vows revenge against King

King is immediately worried and gets more security on himself

He made the mistake of letting the twins wander alone in the back gardens, where the vampire attacks them

Remus was the intended target since he was the dark duke, seeming to be a perfect addition to the vampires

But Roman draws his silver sword and intervenes

In a moment of spite, the vampire takes Roman with him to the woods, dropping his sword

Remus chases after them, now wielding the sword, and when he finds the vampire leaning over the unconcious form of his brother

Remus fights off the vampire. As they leave, they mockingly laugh at Remus, asking him “Who will take the throne now? Surely, they wouldn’t want a bloodsucker on it”

Remus looks over Roman, realizing that he had changed

Roman wakes up, and now they’re both worried on what to do next. Either way, this was a loss for their lineage

Patton was on his own hunt when he runs into the twins

Noting Remus’s sword, he asks from a distance what was wrong

Patton felt a wave of protectiveness on him, seeing a vampire so close to a weapon that could harm them

Remus is poised to defend Roman, asking Patton what he wants

Patton tries to calm him down to let him know that he just wants to help and explains to them that from what he sees, Roman was a vampire

Roman is panicked at this, but Patton offers to take in the prince

Remus tries to stop this, but Patton argues that Roman needs someone to help him figure out this new life

Roman is also hesitant, but knows that only tragedy awaits them if they return home. He asks “what about my brother?”

Remus withdraws, realizing Patton is right, but knows he can’t return home either so Remus decides that he’s going to pursue being a vampire hunter to protect his brother from other vampires and hunters

Roman is worried about this but Remus assures him that he’ll find a way, as he always does

Patton takes Roman home with him, and Remus takes his leave to begin a new journey of hunting evils, he will be the evil they fear

Years pass, and Patton is very protective of Roman as he is like a son to him

Logan also views Roman as a son, and is protective of him, but is more protective of Patton

Remus meets Janus during one of his missions, and they quickly became hunting buddies

Remus figured Janus wasn’t human, and Janus admits

Janus suspects Remus isn’t just a messy hobo, as he noticed that Remus had some grace in his gestures and way of speaking, seeming like he is very much educated though his usual manner of speaking seems like the opposite

Virgil and Janus were old friends

Virgil finds that Remus does have features that seem very much royal, but brushes it off since Remus acted so weird

Virgil doesn’t agree with Remus’s messy methods, but stays nice for Janus’s sake

Virgil wanted to be bold, and so he tries to go on a mission alone

Virgil meets Roman, and is entranced by the vampiric prince

He realizes how much he looked like Remus

He can’t find it in him to attack Roman, and Roman, smelling Remus’s scent on Virgil, cautiously asks him who he is, using his vampiric power of persuasion

Virgil tells him that he’s a hunter who wants to make a legacy for himself

Roman tells him that not all legacies end welp (such as his and Remus’s), and leaves

Virgil takes in Roman’s words, realizing he had a point. He decides to try to find Roman again just so he can talk to him, but for now, he returns to the inn where he meets up with Janus and Remus

He tells him about meeting a vampire and wanting to deal with it alone

Remus wants to come, but Virgil insists not to

Janus convinces Remus to just let Virgil do as he wants, and they leave

After a while, Virgil finally finds Patton’s manor

The servants are alert and attack him until Roman pops in, seeing Virgil, and asks them to let Virgil be

He asks Virgil to leave, but Virgil doesn’t want to lose Roman again

“You can’t lose what you never had”

Virgil looks defeated, but Roman gives him a forhead kiss, “but perhaps one day, we’ll have each other”

Virgil blushes, but is now outside. He leaves, but he finds Roman waiting for him where they first met, and they start slow with small conversations which escalate to “May I hold your hand?” then to “May I kiss you?”

Virgil realizes maybe he doesn’t want to be a hunter anymore. He tells Janus about his thoughts of wanting to settle down, which Janus finds suspicious

So when Virgil meets with Roman, he says he has a surprise for later, giving Roman a quick kiss before leaving

Roman is confused but watches as Virgil heads to the direction of the manor

He is about to follow him but Janus pins him down by surprise, thinking Roman may be a shapeshifter since he looked just like Remus but cleaner

Janus tells Remus to help him but when Remus recognizes who Janus is holding, he attacks Janus to get him off his brother

“Remus, what the fuck, that shifter is using your face”

Remus stands protectively in front of Roman

Remus explains that the vampire was his brother and the reason why he became a hunter

Janus is shocked at this, but calms down as he realizes that this may be a revelation for Remus’s background and motives

Roman and Remus hug as they tell each other how much they missed the other, telling stories of what had happened

Janus is just there, until Remus remembers and introduces him as his boyfriend, joking about the whole “in-laws sure do love attacking each other lmao”

Roman is shocked, but is open to meet the person who had been taking care of his brother in his absence

Meanwhile, Virgil had asked to meet with Patton

Patton agrees and Virgil now sits in his office/grand hall

Virgil explains that he wants Patton to turn him into a vampire

Patton agrees and Virgil becomes a vampire himself

Remus, Roman, and Janus had decided to go back to the town so the brothers can catch up since Roman was very excited about seeing Remus again

Later that night, Remus fell asleep first and Janus and Roman get to talk. It’s a bit tense since their first interaction was a fight

They apologize about the fight before and they find they have many interests in the same field, even having near equal acting prowess

Janus then moves the conversation along to ask for Roman’s blessing in proposing to Remus

Roman is happy for his brother and agrees

Roman is happy to stay the night so he can have more time with his brother

Virgil was waiting for Roman to return at the manor, and when he didn’t return, he got worried. Patton tries to assure him that Roman tends to have little misadventures that last a few days, but Virgil was still anxious

In the morning, he decides to return to the inn to pick up his stuff

Janus and Remus woke up before Roman did and Janus gets to talking about them, and how much he looks forward to Roman being his immortal brother-in-law

Virgil returns and seeing upon seeing Remus and Janus hovering over an unconcious Roman, has his anxieties assuming the worst and he goes feral protective

Caught off-guard, Remus and Janus didn’t stand much of a chance. When Janus tries to ask Virgil what he’s done to himself, Virgil doesn’t respond, carrying Roman back to the manor

Uh…. fuck, this ramble got long o_o

So I’ll pause now, thanks for taking the time to read if you made it down here. I may consider making a part 2 (for when Logan meets Remus, Virgil and Janus making up, Patton being a dad to all of them, etc) but anyways, that’s all for this post

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dykeseinfeld · 3 years

Note

u asked someone to remind you to post about your pjo dual protagonist thalia/bianca au and i am SO intrigued by this idea please say more

anon asked: hey queen hope your homework went good yesterday 🌸…now what were you saying about thalia and bianca 😳 ?

ok y’all i’m here...the moment almost none of y’all have been waiting for....bianca/thalia protagonists with alternating pov’s au

warning it’s kind of super long and may or may not read like a 2nd grader’s semi-coherent game of pretend so under the cut it goes!

so the main things you need to know about this au are 1. thalia survives and 2. annabeth’s + luke’s ages are a lil diff bc canon is my sandbox 3. i can’t decide if percy exists in this au or not (maybe y’all can help me decide?)

so the first book:

would start a few months after grover brought thalia (12), luke (13), and annabeth (10, not 7) to camp half blood. they were chased by monsters sent by hades on the way, and thalia almost didn’t survive, but ultimately she got lucky and managed to send a bolt of lightning through her spear for the first time and they made it into camp

it’s been some time so annabeth is happy as a clam in the athena cabin doing her 10-year-old-with-severe-mommy-issues thing and luke is actually pretty popular with the hermes cabin bc he actually Met Their Dad Holy Shit and also he’s getting pretty good with a sword

at the same time, thalia is alone in the zeus cabin. everyone has been freaking out bc they all saw the huge bolt of lightning that incinerated a couple hellhounds as they made their grand entrance and What The Fuck Child Of The Big Three???

she’s also further isolated because chiron will take her for private training sessions sometimes, since she is clearly really powerful already and also Hades Himself was trying to kill her (chiron told her the reason was the big three’s pledge not to have kids, and maybe about the great prophecy? if he tells her that then she’s sworn to secrecy)

once grover leaves on another protector assignment, thalia mostly hangs out with luke, and annabeth. luke + annabeth both will try to eat meals with her at the zeus table but annabeth doesn’t want to get in trouble and luke is genuinely making friends in the hermes cabin so thalia will feel bad sometimes and send him back

kronos, seeing this bitter isolated child of the big three’s dreams: it’s free real estate

MEANWHILE

hades is Pissed that thalia survived and zeus got to break their oath And get the glory of a prophecy child

so he sends someone to take bianca (12) and nico (10) out of the lotus hotel and casino a little early.

grover is still their protector, but since the Stirring hasn’t begun in earnest yet and hades is lowkey determined to keep them safe, they make it back to camp half blood with no escort/incident

bianca + nico are put into the hermes cabin, and luke kinda takes them under his wing bc while he’s not bitter he still needs therapy bc this 14 year old has never met a pre-teen he couldn’t try to parent

luke introduces nico and annabeth since they’re the same age and they become really good friends!! she Loves mythomagic and he thinks her dagger is super cool and they’re both just really excited about camp <3

bianca is more reserved and resistant to the whole thing, and she wanders around alone exploring and runs into thalia in the zeus cabin

at this first meeting they get into a bit of a fight bc bianca is still in shock/denial about the gods being real, but thalia at this point has zero patience for this

anyway after that and maybe another scuffle during capture the flag or something they hit it off and become best friends in the way girls can, especially bonding over how they’ve both had to take on raising annabeth and nico basically on their own at the age of 12

~QUEST TIME~

thalia is given a quest for [unspecific reason] and chooses bianca and luke, they go off leaving annabeth and nico frustrated at home

quest hijinks etc, bianca is trying to figure out her parentage + her weird mysterious powers? and thalia is arguing with luke because he’s settling into camp/hero life really well actually but she’s getting progressively angrier with the gods for trying to kill her and also keeps getting dreams from kronos and doesn’t get why he doesn’t seem to remember all of the shit that the gods have put him through

bianca + thalia have las-vegas-style-heart-to-hearts where thalia shares her tragic backstory about her mother and her brother and how hades tried to kill her and even about the great prophecy and how she’s trying on this quest bc of that and her dad but at the same time these dreams are making her suspicious that he might’ve been responsible for her mom’s death.

bianca then shares her own stuff, about how terrified she was being on her own with nico having to protect him but also not remembering most of her childhood and not remembering her parents or how she ended up in the care of this lawyer and just the absolute mindfuckery that her memories/past are

luke is asleep in those scenes i guess lol 🧍‍♂️

anyway eventually they finish their quest in this massive climactic battle where bianca discovers her powers in a huge-showy-”i’m the ghost prince”-way and is formally claimed by hades which thalia sees as this Massive Betrayal obviously and bianca is horrified too because she knows what hades did to thalia but at the same time she’s just so happy to finally understand at least part of her past

thalia just reaches a breaking point though because everyone around her just doesn’t understand her anger and just when she thought she had found another sympathetic person who understood what she was going through she joins hades??? no. no fucking way. kronos reveals that he’s the one who has been sending her dreams, prob by sending some messenger who he possesses or smthing and when he offers thalia the chance to join him? she does (dun dun dun)

main beats of the rest of the series:

thalia and bianca on opposite sides of the war training to be the prophecy child, they come together a Lot and have like melodramatic fight scenes where they talk out their anger and try to get the other to join them bc they don’t want to kill each other

luke is extremely conflicted/betrayed and there’s a titan’s curse moment prob towards the end of the third book where they’re fighting and thalia is trying to get her to go with him but here he actually does go to join her (gasp!!) and is evil for at least one book but his heart’s not in it and he goes back to the good side eventually

by the point of luke’s betrayal, annabeth and nico are growing and developing and old enough to go on quests w bianca and by the last book they’re a main trio of sorts and their hypothetical character development is already making me emotional

there’s just a lot of general sexiness with foils and inner conflicts and bianca doesn’t even want to be the prophecy child but she needs to for the fate of the world and bianca is so angry at thalia bc thalia is a daughter of zeus and could control her powers and is perfect and just meant to be the prophecy kid, not some daughter of hades who they didn’t even have a cabin for before

hm maybe by either the last or second-to-last book thalia + bianca are close to reconciling or at least their interests are aligned for the moment and they read the text of the prophecy together and things go Wild bc they both think “single choice shall end his days” either is about luke or nico and it turns up the gas to their fighting both of them care about both of them and yeah

and then i can’t decide if there’s romantic arcs at all but if there were it would go like this:

just a dash of thaluke where at first it was luke having a one-sided crush but thalia misses him a Lot after she goes to kronos and wonders if it’s that she misses him or if it’s something More until to get him to defect there’s like a melodramatic moment in the fight where thalia kisses him and they go off to be Evil Together but it ends bc luke doesn’t believe in the cause and only joined her in hopes of getting thalia back to his side

once luke leaves/is kicked out thalia realizes that she didn’t love luke she just wanted a family and also in the second half of the series she realizes she’s a lesbian as a parallel to her redemption arc

bianca meanwhile is unconcerned w romance until she has her botl-hoe-moment where within one book she 1. runs into the hunters on a quest and has a thing with zoe nightshade who tries to get her to join plus tells her about that time she met thalia, 2. she goes to calypso’s island and falls in love w her in the moonlight or w/e and has her what-if moment, and 3. when they meet up that book thalia somehow knew abt zoe + calypso and seems almost angrier abt them than the war?? weird bc bianca knows that thalia is Totally Straight right??

my main point is that bianca/thalia is our friends-to-enemies-to-lovers endgame thank you i will take my pulitzer now

#this series is like. if the titan's curse was 5 books long and also specifically catered to 9 year old me #which is very girlboss me <3 #bianca di angelo #thalia grace #thalianca #luke castellan #thaluke #(just a dash. a smidge. for spice.)#annabeth chase #nico di angelo #pjo #keratonin #anon #answered #she speaks

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ibijau · 3 years

Text

Futures Past pt14 / On AO3

three conversations as Nie Huaisang's time in Gusu comes to an end

Summer had finally come to an end, implacable heat replaced by a more pleasant warmth as the world took on new hues. It also meant that the final few exams of the year were fast approaching, though Nie Huaisang felt unconcerned. He’d been ordered to fail after all, not that he thought he could have succeeded even if he’d tried.

Comforted by that permission to not study, he was currently laying in the grass in the back hills of the Cloud Recesses, enjoying the afternoon sun. A history book, chosen for the promise of the many scandals it revealed about a past emperor’s reign, laid forgotten on his chest, Nie Huaisang having realised that the contents were far more serious than he felt like dealing with at the moment. At some other time he might have taken a nap, encouraged by the warmth, but he’d found it difficult to sleep since that visit of his future self a few days earlier.

Just as Nie Huaisang was about to pick up his book again, Su She finished his series of sword forms and came to lay on the grass as well. He was sweaty and looked tired, but appeared quite happy with himself. Su She had confessed that he’d made a real leap forward with his cultivation since teachers and other disciples stopped constantly putting him down, something for which Nie Huaisang felt as proud as if it had been his own progress.

They stayed silent for a while, just basking in the sun, enjoying that beautiful day, until Nie Huaisang found that his recent worries were too heavy on his chest and he had to share them.

“Su-xiong?”

Su She made a noise to signify he’d heard, but couldn’t be bothered to speak. He looked comfortable, and had closed his eyes as if he might succeed with the nap that eluded Nie Huaisang. It was almost a shame to ruin that.

“Do you think people can be so evil that nothing will redeem them?”

The silence changed around them. After a moment Su She sat up to get a look at Nie Huaisang. Finding him looking serious, Su She’s initial puzzlement quickly turned into mild irritation at being dragged into a discussion like that on such a pleasant afternoon.

“Gusu Lan’s principles state that…”

“Not you as a Lan disciple,” Nie Huaisang cut him with an impatient gesture. “You as a person. Do you think people can be so evil that there’s no going back for them, that nothing they could do or say would ever compensate for what they’ve done?”

Some of Su She’s irritation eased away, glad as always to be given a chance to voice an opinion that wasn’t that of his sect, and he laid down on the grass again.

“That’s a pretty intense question,” Su She said after a moment. “I guess there’s got to be a limit to what’s forgivable, yeah. I’m not the best to decide what that’d be though. I’ve been told I have an issue with holding grudges. But I think yeah, in general, there’s got to be a moment where a bad person becomes so bad there’s no going back and they just need to be eliminated.”

It wasn’t the answer Nie Huaisang had been hoping for, but it didn’t exactly surprise him either. He thought the same after all, if only because a person such as Wen Ruohan existed, proving to him that some people had to be beyond redemption.

“Then do you think…”

“What’s wrong with you today? Was this morning’s lecture about ethics again?”

“It was about the proper way to address people depending on family and allegiance links, and I fell asleep. No, this is something else. I’m just thinking about stuff lately.”

“Like good and evil? That must have been a pretty nasty nap you took.”

Nie Huaisang shrugged. “I just wonder what makes a person bad or good. Do you think some people can be bad from birth? Just, they’re born and they’re evil, and there’s no way they’re ever going to be anything but evil.”

It really bothered him, the things his future self had said during his last visit. About Lan Xichen, about Su She, but mostly the way he’d spoken of that Xue Yang boy, as if that child were no better than a cockroach needing to be squashed before it could proliferate.

“I think there’s definitely people who think that about some other people,” Su She said. “I’m pretty sure if you asked some of the other Lan disciples, they’d say I’m like that, just because I have a temper and I don’t hug their knees quite enough and I ask too many questions during some lessons. I guess it’s easier to hate someone if you tell yourself they’re the worst and they deserve it.”

“You’re not evil!” Nie Huaisang cried out, reaching out for his friend’s hand. “You’re not! I’ll fight anyone who says you are!”

Surprised by that outburst, Su She blinked a few times then snorted, pushing away Nie Huaisang’s hand.

“I appreciate it, but it didn’t go so well last time you tried to fight for my honour.”

“I’ll still fight all of them!”

Su She laughed, but appeared quite happy to hear that. Even now that other Lans gave him less of a hard time, he still liked being reminded that Nie Huaisang was on his side, just as he made sure Nie Huaisang knew the opposite was true as well.

That was why Nie Huaisang was telling him about his thoughts, rather than going to Lan Qiren or even Lan Xichen who surely might have more elaborate opinions on the matter of good and evil. Su She might not have read quite as much, but he was also less likely to judge Nie Huaisang for asking that kind of thing. Besides, since Su She’s opinions were often less polished, they felt more honest than if he’d quoted great thinkers of the past.

“But really, do you think a person can actually be evil from birth?” Nie Huaisang insisted when Su She had stopped laughing. “Like. Like a child, but they’re evil. Do you think that’s possible?”

Su She grabbed a strand of grass, and started twisting it between his fingers.

“Maybe. But like I said, people will mostly say that about someone they don’t like, or someone that doesn’t play by their rules, or else they’re not from a prestigious family and they’re just doing what they have to survive.”

He paused to pluck some more grass to play with, and started constructing a knot with it.

“I have a great-uncle I’ve never met,” Su She explained. “He owned a farm before he died where he worked hard, until there was a very bad drought and hard work wasn’t enough anymore. My grandfather often said that people called his brother evil because he did some bad things to feed his wife and children, and some of it really was pretty awful I guess. But nobody ever called evil the magistrate that wanted to force him to pay his taxes instead of buying food. My great-uncle was executed for his crimes and everyone said he’d always been evil and vicious even though they used to praise him as a good man before, but the magistrate got a promotion for making sure taxes were still paid and he got called virtuous. And that’s… I don’t know, I feel there’s something not right in that, you know?”

Nie Huaisang nodded, his eyes fixed on the grass knot that Su She wouldn't stop twisting between his fingers.

His older self had said that this Xue Yang he had to kill was an orphan, and a thief of some sort even though he was just ten.

It would be harder to be virtuous and noble for someone who didn’t have anyone to turn to. Nie Huaisang had his whole family behind him, all the education anyone could have, he knew about ethics and rules, and he still found it hard sometimes to make the right choices. He was too lazy and selfish to ever be really good, and apparently he wasn’t going to improve with age. So how could a child on his own, without books or wise elders, learn to be a good person, especially if like Nie Huaisang they’d been given a bad personality?

“Ok, I have another question.”

Su She sighed, and threw away his grass knot.

“Is it a weird one again?”

Nie Huaisang grimaced.

“Yeah, that one is pretty weird,” he admitted. “So, imagine there’s a very evil person. The most evil you can think of, but you don’t actually know them, it’s just that someone told you that person is very evil. And, for some reason, you’re given a chance to go back to when they were a little kid, and that person who told you this other guy is evil also tells you that you should take the chance and kill the evil person while he’s a kid to save other people. Would you do it, or would you try to… I don’t know, maybe try to make that kid grow up around better people so maybe he doesn’t turn out so bad?”

“Those questions are getting really specific.”

“Just answer. Do you think it’d be right to kill that kid?”

Su She fell silent for a moment.

“Do I trust the person who told me the kid will be evil later?”

Nie Huaisang considered that question.

“Yeah. I guess for the sake of the argument, you trust that person,” he said, even though he wasn’t quite sure how much he did trust his older self.

“And has the kid done anything evil yet?”

“No, but he’s done bad things. Maybe he stole some stuff. But also, he’s an orphan, you know?”

Su She sat up and gave his friend a sharp look.

“Really specific again. I guess… I guess it’d be wrong to kill him though. I mean, it’s like you said, why not try to put him in a better place instead? If he’s just a kid, and he hasn’t done anything bad yet… I don’t think it’s really fair to punish someone for something they haven’t even done yet.”

“Right? I think so too. People should get a chance before they’re punished. They’ve got to have a chance to learn!”

Su She nodded, but look more and more suspicious.

“So, is this all about someone in particular, or…”

“I’m just wondering stuff,” Nie Huaisang quickly said. The truth was too weird for anyone to ever believe, even if he tried to tell someone. Su She would just think he was crazy. Maybe he was, anyway. “I’ve got to think about something during boring lessons, right? I mean, don’t you start thinking about weird stuff too?”

“Sometimes I think about leaving the Cloud Recesses and creating my own sect when I’m bored,” Su She replied.

Nie Huaisang sat up, a grin on his face.

“Really? What would it be like?”

“Like Gusu Lan, but better,” Su She retorted with a smug smile. “And I’d get to sleep half a shichen later in the morning. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like, since you know how to play the guqin now. You can be my right hand man.”

Nie Huaisang’s grin only grew larger. It sounded like a delightful idea, and he eagerly dropped all his earlier thoughts about ethics and morality to instead make Su She talk about the sect of his dreams, until it was time for dinner.

That had to have been Lan Qiren’s most boring lecture to date. Quite the accomplishment, Nie Huaisang thought. Another accomplishment, and one far more impressive, was the fact that he’d managed to stay awake through all of it. It was really hard lately to pay attention, especially now that he didn’t need to. His grades during tests had been so consistently low that he couldn’t have passed even if he tried, so he really should have been allowed to skip those last few lessons and go have fun somewhere. He was going to hear all that stuff again in a year, wasn’t he?

If he hadn’t feared the Lans’ punishment methods, Nie Huaisang would have skipped all these stupid classes and ran off to Gusu for some fun.

If he hadn’t feared his brother’s wrath, he would also have stopped bothering with homework. But Lan Xichen had hinted to him, not unwisely, that Nie Mingjue might be a little less angry if he could be shown proof that his brother had really tried to learn. And considering the stunt Nie Huaisang was thinking of pulling with Xue Yang…

So, Nie Huaisang had stayed awake in class, and he’d been handed back some previous homework with a grade so high he’d actually asked Lan Qiren if there hadn’t been a mistake. Lan Qiren had told him that if the grade didn’t please him, it was always possible to lower it, so Nie Huaisang had kept his mouth shut after that.

The rest of the lesson had passed surprisingly fast after that, and soon enough Nie Huaisang was free again, with a whole afternoon ahead of him. He had new homework to deal with, sure, and it was something that would be graded again, but that didn’t feel urgent. Sadly, Su She had already warned that he wouldn’t be free to hang out that day, due to being allowed to go on a Night Hunt with some other Lan juniors, something he’d been very excited about. That meant Nie Huaisang would have to stay on his own, or go bother Lan Xichen.

The second option felt surprisingly compelling, even though they’d already see each other in three days for his music lesson. Lan Xichen was sure to praise him for his good grade after all, and Nie Huaisang quite enjoyed being praised, as he’d discovered. If more people praised him, he might start feeling like doing something to deserve it.

Nie Huaisang had just decided he’d try to see if Lan Xichen had time for him when Jin Zixun grabbed him by the elbow and started pulling him away from everyone else.

"How come you had a good grade on that essay?" Jin Zixun asked with unwarranted suspicion.

Nie Huaisang, who had briefly wondered if he was going to get punched again and was getting ready to escape, relaxed and allowed the other boy to drag him away.

"I'm actually very smart, thanks."

"You're only smart on homework and never on quizzes," Jin Zixun retorted. "Is your merchant friend helping you?"

That earned him a light kick to the shin, which he didn’t appear to feel.

"Don’t call him that!” Nie Huaisang warned. “And, no, he's said he doesn't want to think about learning when we hang out."

"Then it's Lan gongzi who does your homework for you."

That hit a little too close. Stung in his pride, Nie Huaisang’s freed himself from Jin Zixun’s grip and stopped walking, arms crossed on his chest.

"He doesn't! He just corrects my drafts! And lately most of what's in my essays is all my own, actually! I only fail in quizzes because I panic and because I don't have enough time."

It was something he’d realised during his music lessons with Lan Xichen, actually. Nie Huaisang needed to do things at his own speed, or else he couldn’t do things at all. It wasn’t a problem with Lan Xichen who allowed him to take breaks and even have a snack if he struggled too much to focus, but Lan Qiren and the other teachers hadn’t taken it too well when he’d tried to eat candies during quizzes, or when he started doodling during an exam because it helped him focus. It also fell into deaf ears when he pleaded to be given a little more time when, by some random chance, he actually did know the answer to a question and had so much to say that the allotted time wasn’t enough.

By comparison, homework was easy. Especially when Lan Xichen allowed him to come into his room and work there while he dealt with his own work. The company of a studious person really helped.

"Fine,” Jin Zixun said, grabbing his arm again. “Then you're going to help me with my essays. I’m just barely passing and if I don't get a good grade on the last set of homework, old man Lan is going to make me come back next year."

Jin Zixun started pulling again, but Nie Huaisang resisted this time.

"Why should I help you?"

"Because your grades are so bad you're sure to be sent back next year, and then we'd be stuck together again."

"I need to think. I don't care that much about being stuck with you. You're not the worst person I know."

"I'm… not?" Jin Zixun asked, sounding so shocked that Nie Huaisang snorted.

"Not even close to it," Nie Huaisang assured him, thinking of his future self. With that point of comparison, a lot of people had become almost agreeable to him.

"Oh. I'm not sure I have another argument in my favour," Jin Zixun admitted. "Usually that one is enough."

Nie Huaisang snorted again. He could imagine that a lot of people would do whatever Jin Zixun asked of them, just so he’d stop talking to them for a little while. He was, after all, a complete prick, without skill or above average good looks to compensate. Still, Nie Huaisang felt a little sorry for him.

Besides, he was convinced that his future self would hate to see him waste time being nice to someone whom he didn’t deem useful, and that really sealed the deal.

"Okay I'll help,” he sighed, as if conceding to something that cost him a lot, when in truth he didn’t mind that much. “But only because I'm sorry for you."

"Hey!"

"And I'm just helping,” Nie Huaisang warned. “You're still doing the actual work.”

“You’re just lazy,” Jin Zixun complained, pulling again on Nie Huaisang’s arm who, this time, willingly started to follow him toward the cabin where the Jin disciples stayed.

“I sure am,” Nie Huaisang agreed with a bright smile. “And I’m also thirsty, so let’s have tea while you work!”

Jin Zixun complained and grumbled and called him spoiled, but still did serve him what had to be the best tea he had on hand as they worked together.

A loud, discordant rang through the otherwise silent room until Nie Huaisang put down his hands on the guqin’s strings to silence it. His eyes prickled with tears yet unspilled. It was a simple enough melody, and he’d worked on it all week, wanting to surprise Lan Xichen with his progress by playing for him something they hadn't worked on together. Even the other Nie disciples, who fluctuated between indifference and annoyance at his new obsession with music, had praised him for playing it so well the night before.

But now he was there, in Lan Xichen’s room, trying to actually play that damn melody, and his fingers just refused to obey him.

“Give me another chance,” he begged, quickly pressing the back of his hand to one eye, just to make sure he hadn’t actually started crying. “I swear I can play it! I worked so hard on it, I’ll show you!”

“If you say you can play it, I believe you,” Lan Xichen replied. “You’ve had a rough day, it’s normal to be affected. Let’s put away the guqin for now and have some tea instead. It’ll do you good.”

When Lan Xichen got up and turned around to go boil water, Nie Huaisang felt a few tears of frustration fall on his cheek which he quickly wiped away. It was stupid, and it wasn’t fair, and he hated that things could impact him life that.

“It’s not like I thought I had any chance of passing anyway,” he hissed, hands clenching into fists. “I knew I was going to fail, it’s stupid that I’m upset about this!”

“Knowing something and actually experiencing it aren’t the same,” Lan Xichen replied. “It’s normal to be upset, Huaisang.”

Nie Huaisang shrugged, and wiped another tear. What did Lan Xichen know about failing anyway? He was always stupidly perfect, always did everything well, a favourite of every teacher, admired by all their peers, far more handsome than a boy of eighteen had any right to be, with a cultivation level that only Nie Mingjue, a freak of nature, could surpass. It was easy for Lan Xichen to say being upset was normal, when he’d probably never failed anything in his entire life.

By the time Lan Xichen returned to the table with a teapot and two glasses, Nie Huaisang was sulking, though thankfully he was too angry at himself to cry anymore. Lan Xichen took one look at him and went to fetch something else. He carefully put a little wooden box in front of Nie Huaisang, then started pouring tea for both of them.

“Take one,” Lan Xichen encouraged, nodding toward the box. “Take as many as you like, in fact. Just don’t tell anyone about them. I’m not supposed to have those.”

Intrigued, Nie Huaisang opened the box and discovered an array of cheap candies, which made Nie Huaisang grin against his will.

“What happened to the rules about avoiding unhealthy foods?”

“Wangji would have a fit,” Lan Xichen sighed, eyes glancing toward the door, as if just by mentioning his name, Lan Wangji might appear out of thin air to scold them. “But I know I can trust you to keep the secret.”

“No choice, you’ve made me an accomplice,” Nie Huaisang replied, grabbing one piece of candy. It was disgustingly sweet, almost making his jaw ache.

So he reached for another, his fingers briefly brushing against Lan Xichen who’d done the same. Nie Huaisang quickly removed his hand, startled at the sensation of warm skin.

“Lan gongzi, what if you adopted me as your new little brother?” Nie Huaisang suggested to try and pretend he hadn't had such a strong reaction just from an accidental touch. “I promise to be a very good didi. I will never get upset at you for wanting to have a little fun sometimes, and I’ll never denounce you to Lan Qiren either. And you will be my nice Lan-gege… ah ! Better yet, you'll be Xichen-ge! Always kind and patient, and you won’t mind at all that I’m bad at everything because I’m very sweet and funny.”

“A tempting offer,” Lan Xichen replied with an odd smile. “Wangji certainly never calls me ‘ge’ because he finds it too informal, whereas I think I quite like it, so I might adopt you just for that. But alas, Mingjue-xiong would be heartbroken if I stole his beloved brother from him, and so I must decline.”

Nie Huaisang took a sip of tea and sighed deeply.

“I don’t think he’ll mind at all. As it is, he might just disown me himself anyway.”

"Your brother will understand," Lan Xichen replied while taking another candy. "He'll be angry at first, but it won't last. If it worries you so much, I can write to him and tell him how hard you've been working. It's a shame homework doesn't count more toward passing, or I do think you'd be graduating."

Nie Huaisang shrugged. It was always like that: if he was good at something, it was always something which didn't matter. Even being skilled at music… what good was that to anyone, in the end?

"What if he doesn't forgive me though?"

"He will," Lan Xichen replied with confidence. "You are his precious little brother, I don't think he could ever stay mad at you very long."

Nie Huaisang thought of his older self, so convinced that Nie Mingjue despised him, and sighed.

"Maybe someday he'll get tired of forgiving me. Maybe someday I'll… maybe someday I'll do something that's too much," he muttered, thinking of his plan regarding Xue Yang. "I'll go too far, and then he'll hate me. And if he hates me, I'll…"

"Your brother loves you," Lan Xichen said. "He loves you as much as you love him. I don't think there's anything in the world that could change that."

That sounded like a challenge. As it happened, Nie Huaisang had given that topic a lot of thought lately, and he'd reached a conclusion.

"I can think of at least two things I could do that would make him hate me," he announced.

"Is that so?" Lan Xichen asked with a smile, as if he really believed such a thing to be impossible.

That gave Nie Huaisang some comfort. Lan Xichen was Nie Mingjue's best friend in the world, as close to him as he was to Su She. Lan Xichen had to know Nie Mingjue better than anyone else did, even if things were fated to start going bad between them someday.

"I could betray him to Wen Ruohan," Nie Huaisang said. "He'd never forgive that."

Lan Xichen took a sip of tea and nodded.

"Not if you did it on purpose, no. But I also think it isn't in your nature to willingly side with his enemies, and he would forgive you if you were tricked into it."

"Xichen-ge has a very high opinion of me, I feel undeserving."

"I'm only stating the truth. Now, what's the other thing you think Mingjue-xiong wouldn't forgive?"

"Marrying into Lanling Jin."

Lan Xichen chortled.

A real, honest to god, ugly laugh. He tried to hide it under a cough, but it was too late, Nie Huaisang had heard it and it delighted him. So even the ever perfect first jade of Gusu Lan could laugh like that!

"Well? What do you think of that one?"

"I think you're right this time," Lan Xichen agreed, still coughing. "It might be too much for him. In fact, I'll even say you'd deserve it."

"What? Xichen-ge, how cruel!" Nie Huaisang lamented, one hand over his heart. "Maybe I’ve found my one true love, and…”

“So all Jin Zixun had to do was break your nose and now you want to marry him?”

“Oh that’s pushing the joke too far,” Nie Huaisang said with a grimace, quickly bringing one hand to his nose, following the bone with one finger to try and feel the break. “He’s not my type at all, and anyway we’re both brats, it wouldn’t work out at all. Still, in theory, if I were to marry into Lanling Jin…”

Lan Xichen only smiled more widely.

“Would you, though?”

“Why not? There’s got to be a few that are decent. I mean, Zixun is occasionally almost tolerable, he can’t be the only one.”

“Oh, certainly there are some very fine people in that sect. I was talking more about the fact that you’d have to wear yellow for the rest of your life. Is that really something you could put up with?”

Thinking of the way those Jin disciples dressed, Nie Huaisang gasped and pressed both hands to his mouth to silence a cry of horror.

“That’s a good point! It’s not even a nice shade of yellow, either!" he cried out, trying to picture himself wearing it. It would be awful, he quickly decided. "I think it would wash out my complexion and make me look sickly. Maybe if it were a touch closer to brown, or even better a bit greenish, maybe I could consider it, but I really can’t marry into a sect that favours such a dreadful colour. I guess I’ll… why are you smiling?”

Lan Xichen, once more hiding his face behind his sleeve, turned away as if it might help dissimulate his grin.

“Because you are quite funny," he chuckled. "I don’t think anyone else would consider it a deal-breaker for marriage that they don’t like another sect’s colour.”

“Easy for you to say, Xichen-ge, you’d look good in any hue! Some of us have to be careful!”

Lan Xichen lowered his hand, his face suddenly serious once more except for a certain glint in his eyes.

“Huaisang, you really sell yourself short sometimes. I think you’d look quite good in any colour,” he eagerly said, before breaking into a fit of giggles as he added: “Any colour except Jin yellow, that is.”

It wasn’t even that funny, Nie Huaisang thought as he started laughing too. But Lan Xichen’s unexpected hilarity was too contagious to be resisted, and he’d been feeling down all day, so he just went for it and enjoyed the moment. It took them ages to ever calm down.

When they did though, Lan Xichen suggested that perhaps Nie Huaisang might try again to play that song he’d practiced.

This time, he played it perfectly, better even than he’d ever done before.

#nie huaisang #lan xichen #su she #jin zixun #xisang #some very light flirting is starting to happen at long last!#mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #double time travel

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