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deliciousangelfestival · 3 months

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Secret Sorrows || 3 -B.Barnes

Summary: Former special ops, Bucky, seeks solace in a cold refuge to escape his past. However, his haunted history catches up, unraveling mysteries that persist relentlessly.

Series Masterlist

Thank you to anyone who gave a like, reblog, and left a comment. It motivated me to write more.

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It had been several days since the elder of the Astons had visited Van Alen's residence. Bucky found himself continuing his duty as a bodyguard for Ethan Van Alen, the sole heir of both conglomerate families.

If someone had said that Bucky would protect his ex-girlfriend's son, he would have laughed. But life worked in impossible ways. Here, he was doing just that.

While Bucky was on duty, he couldn't shake the need for answers about Y/N Aston. Despite learning that Iris and Y/N were identical twins, he still found it hard to believe. It was Iris, who had been with him back when they were young.

Yet, why did Y/N's actions mirror Iris's so closely?

If Y/N were more approachable, perhaps Bucky could find the answers. She might even tell him he was crazy. But with her busy schedule, stepping in for Ethan's father and managing both family businesses, she seemed almost impossible to talk to.

Y/N didn’t have time to comfort her only nephew. Since Bucky had to guard Ethan 24/7, he knew the kid wanted to talk to his relative. Both aunt and nephew lived in the same house, yet they rarely spent time together.

Bucky remembered Ethan's words, "My aunt is married to her job."

He thought it was a shame. Y/N was beautiful. With her status, she could have any man.

Wait, was she still single?

He shook his head, realizing how absurd it was to even entertain such thoughts considering Y/N was his employer.

Clearing his throat, Bucky walked towards Ethan's room, glancing at the kid's schedule. There were so many classes: foreign language, investment, fencing, public speaking, IT, swimming, and more.

Ethan was only 7 years old; he didn’t have time to play, especially since it was only a week after his parents' funeral.

Bucky knocked on Ethan’s door.

“Come in,” Ethan called out.

Bucky entered to find Ethan practicing the violin. Though classical music wasn't his preference, Ethan's skill didn't sound like that of a beginner.

Ethan stopped playing and placed the violin back in its case. “What class do I have next?”

“Swimming class,” Bucky replied.

Ethan sighed. “Can you teach me instead?”

Bucky hesitated. “If you want, but you know everything has to go through protocol.”

Ethan pouted. “At least, today, you have to accompany me.”

Bucky's instincts told him something didn't seem right. “Alright.”

Ethan went to his wardrobe; even at his young age, he had already been taught to pack his things. Bucky still found himself in awe of the kid's wardrobe room; it was bigger than his own bedroom in Antarctica.

While Ethan searched for his swimming goggles, he asked, “Has my aunt already left?”

Bucky replied, “Yes,” noticing Ethan's shoulders slump at the confirmation. He asked gently, “Do you want to talk to her?”

Ethan shook his head. “No, she’s busy. I don’t want to bother her.” Having prepared everything, he added, “Let’s go.”

When Bucky arrived at the swimming pool, he saw an athletic man. From the first impression, Bucky could already read him: overly proud and cocky.

“Bucky, right? I’ve been informed you’ll be the new guard. I’m alright if you want to join us,” the coach said.

Bucky gave a slight nod, glancing at Ethan. “Ethan, I’ll be standing here, okay?”

For a brief moment, Ethan's face brightened. Bucky wondered what made Ethan seem to not enjoy the class.

Ethan and the teacher did warm-ups before getting into the pool.

The coach instructed, “We will start with the freestyle and work on improving your lap times.”

When the teacher blew the whistle, Ethan began swimming to the other side. Bucky was impressed; for a kid his age, he was quite fast.

The coach checked his stopwatch. “1:50. You could do better than that.”

Bucky couldn't understand why the coach expected the little kid to go faster in a 100m freestyle.

"Again," the coach commanded.

"Again."

"You're getting slower."

Bucky held back his emotions when he noticed Ethan looking drained.

The coach looked down at Ethan and shook his head. "Your father would be disappointed with the result, Ethan."

Seeing Ethan sniffle and wipe his eyes, Bucky couldn't take it anymore.

He kicked the coach back and pushed him into the pool. The coach wasn't prepared and struggled to resurface before gasping for breath. Bucky held him under the water again.

“Can’t you see the boy is already breathless and exhausted?” Bucky questioned sharply.

The coach sputtered, "Wait… wait…"

"Do it again. I want to see how long you can hold your breath."

"Ugh."

Peter couldn’t believe what he saw. He rushed over from watching the CCTV to stop Bucky. "Bucky, what happened—"

Bucky shot Peter a warning look. "Get Ethan out of here. I need to talk to this guy."

Peter hurriedly escorted Ethan away, wondering why Bucky was so furious with the swimming coach.

Once they were gone, Bucky removed his black suit and throw it.

He pulled the coach from the pool like a fish. The coach coughed and caught his breath. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"A moment ago? Yes," Bucky admitted bluntly.

The coach's eyes widened. Never in his life had someone admitted to wanting to kill him straight to his face.

"I have a question: will Ethan enter the Olympics?" Bucky asked.

The coach shook his head. "No."

"Then why do you have to make him suffer like that? If that boy could talk, he would ask you to stop. But he can’t. As a teacher, you should know your students' capabilities."

"I only do what my employer asks me," the coach defended himself.

"Who? Miss Y/N Aston?" Bucky questioned.

"No! The Van Alen family," the coach confessed.

Bucky's grip on him loosened. This information was shocking. Why did the Van Alen family treat Ethan like this?

"Get up, gather your things, and never set foot in this place again," Bucky commanded.

The coach protested, "You have no—"

"Miss Aston hired me to protect her nephew. It’s better if you resign before you lose your teaching license. You know what I’m capable of," Bucky warned.

The coach ran away, leaving Bucky to ponder the situation.

On the other side, Y/N had just returned from the company. Spotting Peter and Ethan, her nephew walking with a towel draped around him, she observed Ethan's eagerness as he ran toward her, wrapping her in a tight hug.

Y/N asked Peter for an explanation, her expression remaining stoic as she listened to the summarized account.

Her heart ached hearing about her nephew's ordeal. Despite her typically reserved demeanor, a flicker of concern flashed in her eyes. She instructed Peter, "Tell Mr. Barnes to meet me at my office," her voice firm yet tinged with an underlying worry, before walking away.

Concerned, Ethan tugged at Peter's clothes. "Is Bucky in trouble because of me?" His voice carried a hint of apprehension.

Peter patted Ethan's back reassuringly, his tone gentle. "I'm sure he'll be alright. Don't worry." He tried to offer comfort to the young boy, knowing the weight of responsibility could be heavy on his small shoulders.

In Y/N's office, she was signing documents while Bucky stood before her, his presence commanding attention. She remained so engrossed in her work that she didn’t even lift her head when she spoke, "You want to explain why a half-naked man in a speedo ran away screaming from my house?"

Bucky answered casually, "Well, yeah, since I threatened him." His tone was nonchalant, but there was a hint of underlying tension in his voice.

Y/N looked up, her expression unreadable, a mix of surprise and curiosity flickering in her eyes.

Bucky still wasn’t accustomed to looking directly into her eyes; there was something pulling at him that he couldn’t quite describe. "The way I do my job may be different from anyone here, but I can't let the person I'm protecting feel unsafe. Do you know Ethan's swimming coach did it on purpose, and it was ordered by the Van Alen family?" His voice carried a note of frustration, a rare glimpse of emotion from the typically stoic man.

Y/N didn't respond immediately; it seemed like she already knew.

Gritting his teeth, Bucky wondered what was wrong with wealthy people. She had everything, so why didn’t she want to mend her relationship with Ethan? His frustration simmered beneath the surface, evident in the tenseness of his jaw.

Bucky said firmly, his voice tinged with determination, "If you have at least 5 minutes, I suggest you talk to Ethan." With that, he left the room, his footsteps echoing with purpose.

Y/N's secretary clicked her tongue, then turned to her boss, her expression reflecting concern. "Do you want to fire him?" There was a note of uncertainty in her voice, wary of the potential repercussions.

Y/N's gaze remained fixed on the closed door, "No, just fire the swimming coach." Her tone was decisive, yet there was a hint of resignation in her voice. She looked at her secretary, her gaze unwavering. "Cancel the rest of my schedule today."

“But, ma’am, you have an important call this evening." The secretary's voice held a hint of concern, recognizing the significance of the upcoming call.

"I will call them tomorrow. Send a formal apology letter," Y/N ordered, her tone final, a sense of determination underlying her words.

*********

Y/N went to Ethan's bedroom, her footsteps echoing softly in the hallway.

Ethan, who was playing blocks with Bucky, was surprised to see his aunt, his expression a mix of curiosity and anticipation. As she entered the room, there was a subtle shift in the atmosphere, a sense of tension dissipating.

“Auntie,” Ethan greeted her, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

Looking nervous, he turned to Bucky, who gave him a reassuring nod, his silent support evident in his expression.

Approaching Y/N, Ethan said, “Aunt, can I change my swimming coach?” His words were hesitant, a mixture of hope and apprehension lacing his tone.

Y/N replied, her voice calm yet distant, “Sure, I’ll call the Olympic coach.”

Ethan hesitated, his gaze flickering between Y/N and Bucky. “No, can Bucky teach me?” His voice held a note of pleading, a silent plea for connection.

Y/N responded, her tone neutral, “I don’t mind. You should ask him.” Her words were measured, a reflection of her reserved nature.

Ethan turned to Bucky, his eyes wide with anticipation. “Bro Bucky already agreed, I just wanted to ask for your permission first.” There was a hint of excitement in his voice, a spark of hope igniting within him.

Bucky felt relieved that they were finally communicating, his expression softening with understanding.

Ethan continued, his words tumbling out in a rush of excitement. “And can I ask you another favor?” His voice was eager, his eyes shining with anticipation.

Y/N encouraged him to speak, her expression remaining impassive, yet there was a flicker of something in her eyes, a hint of warmth beneath the surface.

“For foreign language class, can I just study German and Korean? German engineering is great, and South Korea has good products, it's good for my future. For investment class, can I learn how to trade with real money? And can I study martial arts with Bucky instead of fencing?” Ethan's words poured out in a rush, his enthusiasm palpable.

Bucky couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his surprise evident in his expression. These weren’t typical requests from a 7-year-old, yet there was a sense of determination in Ethan's voice, a silent plea for understanding.

Glancing at Y/N, who didn’t seem surprised, he realized both aunt and nephew shared the same traits, a sense of resilience amidst adversity.

Y/N asked, her tone measured, “Anything else?” Her words were neutral, yet there was a hint of something in her voice, a subtle shift in her demeanor.

Ethan shook his head, his excitement palpable. “That’s everything.”

Y/N assured him, her voice distant yet tinged with a hint of warmth, “I’ll instruct my secretary to change your teachers, and give you the money for you to invest.” before leaving the room, her footsteps echoing softly in the hallway.

Bucky couldn’t shake off the feeling of Y/N being distant from her nephew, his concern is evident in his expression. He thought Ethan felt abandoned again, but it seemed he was mistaken.

Ethan ran to him, his eyes excitedly shining, exclaiming, “Bucky, did you see that? My aunt smiled today.” There was a sense of joy in his voice, a silent celebration of a small victory.

Confused, Bucky probably needed to get his eyes checked, as he hadn’t seen her smile at all. But as long as Ethan was happy, he would agree to anything.

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juancarlos-ortiz · 2 months

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Marked for Carnage - Chapter 5 (Juice x OC Fic)

Marked for Carnage Masterlist

A/N: Chapter 5 is here. Sorry if this isn't the best - I wanted to get it uploaded and haven't had a lot of time to edit. More Juice and Ronnie 1 on 1 time is coming I promise!

Word Count: 2774 words

Ronnie shakily brought the glass of water up to her lips that Jax had bought over to her. Taking a large gulp, she closed her eyes and tried to calm her racing heart. She could hear the men in the room beginning to speak, trying to piece together what was happening. "Who's Mark?" Tig asked. Ronnie only shook her head, her tongue a dead weight in her mouth. "Her piece of shit ex," Opie explained for her. "Used to smack her around. He's the reason she left Charming." Piney's grip on his daughters shoulder tightened. "And why is this jerk off still breathing?" Tig continued. "Because…" Ronnie exhaled. "He's a low level drug dealing shit stain, but he's not worth going to jail for murder over." Ronnie stood abruptly, beginning to pace. Opie, Piney and Jax all began protesting and arguing over what should be done, but she ignored them and rested her hands on the edge of the bar. A hand on her shoulder made her jump. She turned to find Tig looking down at her with a soft smile on his face. "Hey Tiggy," she smiled, her eyes still glassy. "Didn’t even know you were back, kid," he said, and pulled her into a brief, one-armed embrace. "Didn’t want it to be a big thing," Ronnie shrugged. "Now you know why."

"I want someone on Ronnie's house," Ronnie heard Piney say, his gruff voice sounding over the fray. "No dad," Ronnie began. "I don't want to take anyone from the club. I can handle my shit, he just freaked me out." Piney shook his head, Opie agreeing with him. "He doesn’t even know where I live," she continued. "Wouldn’t be hard for him to find out," Jax said. Piney looked to where Clay was sitting. Clay shrugged. "I don't got the numbers at the moment. I can give you the Prospect." Piney growled, adjusting the cannula in his nose. "Not happening," he chided. "Seriously it's fine, pops. Look, I'm sorry to burst in like this, Clay," Ronnie turned to the President. Clay waved a hand in her direction. "All good, kid. You’re family," he shrugged. Ronnie smiled flatly and made her way out of the clubhouse, Piney and Opie following her.

"Dad's right," Opie began. "You should have someone stay with you." Ronnie whirled around to face her brother. "You're really giving me whiplash here, Ope," she threw her arms out in exasperation. "Last time we talked you nearly ripped my head off, and didn't want me anywhere near the club." Opie scoffed and folded his arms. "Those were different circumstances. And you’re my little sister Ronnie," he reached out to mess with her hair, Ronnie pushing his arm off and glaring at him. "No matter how pissed I am at you, I'll always worry about you." Ronnie sighed and shook her head. "You heard Clay. He doesn't have the numbers, so…". "I'll stay with you," Piney said. "I'm not called up for much action these days anyway. Go and let, Clay know," he said to Opie. "I don't have a spare room dad," Ronnie attested. "Not gonna be sleeping," Piney grumbled, and walked towards his bike. "Stubborn old man," Ronnie shook her head and walked to her car.

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Ronnie smiled as she handed out bowls of chili to buyers. Much to her disdain, Clay had told Gemma about the Mark incident and Gemma had insisted that when she wasn't working at the hospital or at home with Piney, that she should stay close to the club to make sure she was safe. That was how she was wrangled into helping Gemma at the Taste of Charming fundraiser. She didn’t mind helping out, but shovelling out chili and making small talk with people who claimed to remember Ronnie when she was a child - but she had no recollection of them - was becoming monotonous. She had seen Jax briefly and would look over to where Bobby was entertaining kids with his Elvis act to break up the routine but even that was becoming dull. Casting her eye out over the crowd, she spotted her brother, sister-in-law and niece and nephew. "Hey Gem," she called over her shoulder. Gemma turned from the pot of chili she was stirring. "Yeah, baby?" "You mind if I go hang out with Ope's family for a bit?" Gemma smiled and patted her cheek lightly. "Sure, sweetheart."

Ronnie made her way across the throng of people, stopping where Opie and Donna were sat watching the egg toss. "Hey," she said awkwardly. Opie and Donna turned to her. Donna smiled grimly, but didn't say anything. Ronnie refrained from rolling her eyes. "Hey Ron," Opie greeted. "Everything ok?" Ronnie nodded her head. "Yeah all good. Although I think Gemma is being more protective now than dad." Opie huffed and smiled. "Yeah well, you were always the daughter she never had." Donna watched the conversation between the siblings with a frown on her face. "The kids off playing?" Ronnie asked. "You here to try and buy their favour again?" Donna questioned. Ronnie remained impassive, ignoring Donna's jab. "Donna," Opie wearily said. "We spoke about this. Drop it." Ronnie's eyebrows raised at her brothers intercept. Was he finally coming around?

"I'll be right back," Opie suddenly said, making a beeline towards an old indoor gym. "Oh," Ronnie looked between her brother and Donna awkwardly. Left alone with her sister-in-law, Ronnie shuffled from one foot to another, cracking her knuckles. "Donna," she began. "I know you seem to really not like me, but know that I'm serious when I say that I am trying to make things up to Opie. I know I can't replace the last decade. But I don’t want to waste any time from now on. Opie seems to understand that. I hope you can to." Donna only looked at Ronnie for a moment, before turning back to watch Ellie play with her friends. Ronnie sighed and made her way back to the chili tent.

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Juice rubbed at his neck where Clay had grabbed him. He'd been longing to get home from Nevada after the week away and now he felt like he'd really fucked things up by bringing Cherry with him. Pulling his phone out of his cut he woke it up, hoping to find a missed call or text from Ronnie. She had tried him a few times since the situation with Piney had gone down but over the past two days it seemed she had given up. The thought made his stomach turn to lead. He wasn't meaning to stonewall her, he just didn’t know what to say. The whole situation was messed up, and he didn’t want to hurt anyone's feelings. But these few days away and not hearing from her had shown him that he wasn't done with her yet. Their kiss was on his mind any time he was on his own, the memory of her lips against his, the way her hands slid across his skin, her scent. He never went near any croweaters, even when they offered the most lewd things he had ever heard. He just couldn’t get this girl out of his head. Pulling up her contact he sighed and pressed dial. Pulling the phone to his hear, he waited as it rang, his stomach roiling. After the fifth ring he was ready to hang up but then he heard her.

"Juice?" His pulse picked up. "Hey, Ronnie," he smiled, scratching at his jaw. "I thought you might have been finished with me," she admitted, and Juice could hear her caution through the phone. He rolled his lips into a line and shook his head. "Nah, I don't think I'm done yet," he said. He heard her sigh in relief. "I'm so sorry, Juice seriously. I wasn't trying to hide it from you, I just didn’t know when it would be a good time to tell you about my family. I know whatever this is, is casual but I never wanted to make things awkward for you." "Yeah, I know," he replied. "It's all good. I don’t want to stop hanging with you, but maybe we can take things slow? Be friends at first or something…" he gulped. Ronnie laughed through the phone. "I mean yeah, I would like that," she said, sending relief flooding through Juice. "It's not that I'm not into you, cause I am really into you, trust me. I just really respect your dad and brother so I don’t wanna be on their bad sides ya know. This club is kinda all I got," he admitted. "It's fine, Juice," she assured him. "I get it, seriously. So, friends then?" He smiled, his spirits lifting for the first time all week. "Yeah Ronnie. Friends."

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The next day, Ronnie walked from her kitchen to the living room where Piney was sat on her couch, his shotgun placed on her coffee table. Handing him a cup of coffee, she perched on the couch next to him. "The guns a bit of overkill, don't ya think pops?" she asked, sipping on her own drink. Piney raised an eyebrow and surveyed the room. "Are you not armed?" he asked. Ronnie rolled her eyes. "Of course I am, dad. I just don't have them out on display today." The old man grumbled and turned back to the television. The sound of a Harley rang down Ronnie's street, making her an Piney glance at each other curiously. When the bike cut out in front of her house, Ronnie stood and walked to look out the peephole. "It's Opie," she muttered, watching her brother walk up the path to her door. She pulled it open when he got close. "Ope? Everything ok?" she asked. "Pops needs to come down to the clubhouse. You too," he informed them. Piney stood and made his way over to his children. "What's wrong?" he hesitated. "You need to lay low. ATF are sniffing around after what went down with Nate yesterday. You and me are going to the cabin. Dropping Ronnie off at the clubhouse on the way," Opie clarified. "Wait what? Why?" Ronnie asked, crossing her arms. "Because dad isn't here to watch out for you," Opie said, annoyed . "Ok fine, but can't I drive myself?" she asked. "No time, you can ride with me," Opie said, already turning around and making his way back to his bike. "That doesn’t even make sense," Ronnie mumbled under her breath as she turned to lock her front door.

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Ronnie's knuckles were white as she gripped the back of her brothers bike tightly. They pulled into TM and as soon as the bike was turned off she ripped herself out of the seat, jamming the helmet into her brothers chest. "I hate those things," she pointed at his bike before she began to stalk towards the clubhouse. She had seen enough MVAs involving bikes to not want to go near them. She slowed down when she saw Juice sitting at one of the tables near the boxing ring. "Hey Juicy," she called out, making him look up from his phone. He grinned brightly at her, sending her blood scorching through her veins. "Hey, Ronnie," he stood and made his way over to her. He began to reach out to grab her hand but stopped himself short when Opie trailed after her. He sent Juice a withering glare and Ronnie rolled her eyes. "Chill out, Ope. I'm allowed to have friends." Opie ignored his sister, turning when Piney caught up with them. "How long do I have to stay here?" Ronnie asked, miffed about how her morning was shaping out. "I'll stay with dad until tonight, and then I'll come get you. You can stay at my place for the night and we reassess tomorrow," Opie explained.

Ronnie scoffed. "No way. I am not staying at your place while your wife still hates me." Opie rolled his eyes. "Donna will be civil. And you have no choice." "Actually, I do have a choice," Ronnie remarked. When she didn’t elaborate Opie gestured for her to continue. "Juice can be on watch at my house," she stated. Juice whipped his head in her direction, his eyes wide. "Wait, what?" he asked at the same time Opie barked "not happening". Ronnie huffed and looked towards Piney, hoping he would step in and help her out. He shrugged. "Clay got you doing anything?" he asked Juice. Opie sneered. "You've got to be kidding me." Juice just shook his head, answering the old man. "Not at the moment. I'm free as far as I know." Piney shrugged and looked at Opie. "Let her go home. She's got protection." Ronnie stepped up to her dad and hugged him. "Thanks dad," she kissed his rough cheek and Piney smiled down at her. Juice felt like he was intruding so he walked to his bike, grabbing out the spare helmet and starting it up. "Relax Opie. He's just doing it for you guys. That's all this is." She turned and made her way to Juice. Opie watched as his sister put the helmet on and climbed on behind Juice, his annoyance intensifying when she wrapped her hands around his waist. "You sure about this?" he asked his father. Piney just shrugged. "Can't tell her what to do. Only gonna push her away. I don't know about you but I'm not losing her again."

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Ronnie grinned at Juice as she took the helmet off, handing it over to him. The ride back to her house had been the most enjoyment she had ever felt on the back of a bike. Her anxiety about the danger completely melting away. The way it felt to have Juice between her thighs, her arms wrapped around his waist and her face pressed against his cut. When they were pulled up at a set of lights he had dropped one hand from the handlebars and gripped her knee briefly, his thumb running over the denim of her jeans. She didn’t know how she was going to go with this friends business when all she wanted to do was have him close again. Opening the door, she let him into her house, trying not to think about the position they had been in last time he was there. "Can I use your bathroom real quick?" Juice asked. "Yeah, sure. Up the hall, second door on your left," she told him. Ronnie made her way to the kitchen, scanning the fridge and pantry to see what she could offer to make them for lunch. She stood up quickly when she heard a sharp knock on her door. Peering down the hallway she saw the bathroom was still occupied and wondered who could possibly be paying her visit now.

Opening the door she was shocked to find a woman smartly dressed with sandy brown hair and an ATF jacket standing at her door with a smirk on her face. "Um, can I help you?" Ronnie asked. "Veronica Wilson?" the woman questioned. "Who wants to know?" Ronnie countered. The woman smirked again, looking down her nose at Ronnie. "Veronica, I'm Agent June Stahl, ATF. I'm here to question you about your fathers whereabouts. Do you know the current location of Piermont Winston?" Ronnie just shook her head, leaning against the doorframe. "I have no idea, I haven’t seen him in a couple of days," she shrugged. Stahl hummed, narrowing her eyes. "And are you aware of the activities undertaken by the outlaw motorcycle club that your father and brother are currently members of? Any illegal interests you may be privy to or aware of that you could make known to us?" Ronnie raised a brow and crossed her arms. "As far as I'm aware the whole bike and club thing are a hobby for them. That's all. Nothing illegal," she attested. Stahl smiled and nodded her head. "Sure. That's why your brother just got out of prison for a botched arson attempt, right? Had nothing to do with the club, did it?" she pushed. Ronnie huffed. "Listen, Agent Stahl, the only connection I have to that club is my last name. You're barking up the wrong tree." Stahl's eyes strayed from Ronnie and landed on something behind her, narrowing. Ronnie turned and saw Juice standing a couple of feet behind her. His jaw was set, but his eyes were on her, filled with worry. She smiled sheepishly and turned to Stahl. "Just your last name, huh?" Stahl mocked. She put her glasses on and turned to leave before looking back over her shoulder. "Reach out if you hear from your father, Veronica."

#soa #sons of anarchy #juice soa #juan carlos juice ortiz #juan carlos ortiz #juice ortiz #juice ortiz fanfiction #juice ortiz fanfic #juice ortiz fic #juice ortiz x oc #sons of anarchy fic #sons of anarchy fanfiction

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thenoaaah · 2 months

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Hysterectomy as a transmasc

A little over a year ago I got a hysterectomy as a gender affirming surgery and I wanted to take a moment on here to talk about how it has affected me. I really missed that when I was thinking of getting a hysterectomy, so maybe this could help someone.

The topics I describe could be dysphoria inducing, so if you're sensitive to that, don't read this :)

Within the transmasculine community we talk a lot about top surgery and that makes sense. It's a visible change. It's obviously a life changing surgery. Everyone can imagine that, even cis people. When you're pre-op you imagine a life post-op. You think of the things you'll finally be able to do. Things you'll finally be able to wear.

For this reason I was barely nervous for top-surgery. On the day itself I was calm even. I would even call it one of the best days of my life. Yes, the weeks leading up to it I had nerves and even doubt came up a couple times. But that morning... I never felt so sure about something in my life. It happened in 2020, which meant that I wasn't allowed to bring anyone with me. I wasn't allowed visitors. I know my family, especially my mother, had a hard time with that. I feel like I should have been more upset about it too, but was not. It was my day. I saw it as the start of the rest of my life. And it was.

Getting a hysterectomy didn't feel like that. I knew I had to get one. The idea that I was able to get pregnant was giving me a lot of gender dysphoria and I was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant. There was no way I was getting close to getting intimate with someone that could get me pregnant. Menstruation was also a big indicator. However, I hadn't gotten my period since I was about 16/17 years old, since I took orgametril. For reference, I was 21 when I got my hysterectomy. It was hard for me to even imagine getting my period and I honestly barely thought of it as a problem any more. This medicine wasn't something I could take the rest of my life though. It was my mother actually who pointed this out to me and said that a hysterectomy wasn't such a bad idea. She remembered how terrible I felt during my period. Something I had totally forgotten. I started talking to my therapist about it all and she also said that I'd probably benefit from a hysterectomy. In the Netherlands specific psychologists have to approve whether you can have gender affirming medical care. I took time to think about it. It was difficult for me. The hard thing was that I knew it would improve my life. I knew it. But I was terrified. That area of my body is such a sensitive subject. I'm incredibly dysphoric, so having a bunch of people work down there was an awful thought. I had several breakdowns over the fact that I felt the need to put myself, my body, through such things just to be comfortable.

In the end I decided to do it. I was put on a waiting list, just as I was put on a waiting list for top-surgery when I was 19. This wait was so different though. Waiting for top-surgery was full of excitement and watching YouTube videos of other excited transmen and non-binary people. Waiting for a hysterectomy was full of fear and watching YouTube videos of other transmen and non-binary people feeling bad and dysphoric after surgery. There was nothing exiting about the surgery. Top-surgery felt like a specific chapter in my life. Something that was a big part of my journey. The hysterectomy was something I just really wanted to get over with.

The day came and luckily I wasn't that nervous any more. I knew this had to happen.

The recovery was though, but so was that of top-surgery. It was physically more comfortable than recovery from top-surgery since for that you have to wear that awful binder. Recovery from a hysterectomy was more dysphoria inducing. I had to use menstrual pads, which I hate, and I couldn't wear my normal boxer briefs, since the pads wouldn't stay in place. The YouTube videos really helped here. Watching transmen use pads helped a lot, since I saw those people as nothing other than men and seeing men use pads, made me feel less dysphoric about using pads.

Now that I'm a year post-op I can say that getting a hysterectomy was a very good choice and I honestly can't imagine my life without it. I don't cringe when I hear girls talk about their period, cause I will never ever relate to that any more. I don't cringe at pregnancy tropes in books and movies, because I will never ever experience that. I feel so much calmer now. There is a sense of peace. A sense that things are right. They fit.

#transmen #transman #transmasc #hysterctomy #transgender #trangender surgery #trans joy #gender dysphoria

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userpeggycarter · 7 months

Note

Hey there, the sick cat post (t3seal) is a scam. This person has been remaking their blog with a different spin on the same “sick pet” story numerous times and this new blog is only a few days old.

Scammer’s blogs usually:

- Are very young (you can scroll to the bottom within a few minutes; on PC you can easily access their Archive which summarizes all their posts)

- Reblog most posts from the source/op (they just go through common tags and don’t genuinely follow anyone)

- Will request that users answer their asks privately (hiding their tracks)

- Request that PayPal payments go through Friends & Family (bypasses most of PP’s anti-scam protocols)

The blog kyra45 posts a lot of good tips and alerts for identifying scam blogs

(if you delete the post please remember to report op for spam as well)

--------

(I copy/pasted the above from a message someone sent me when I fell for the same scam a few months ago. Wanted to inform you as well.)

oh thanks! i will delete it!

#rookyrooks #type: ask

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anthrofreshtodeath · 1 year

Note

Oooh. For the prompts 22. Playful arguments please!

Let's do it! I'm being romantic about summer and baseball rn so here we go.

___

Children splashed in the Talucci pool with alternating shrieks and giggles, the displacement of water creating cool air where the July sun had been only oppressive when everyone had first arrived. Jane hadn’t been around that many Italians since her cousin Rita’s wedding three years prior, and she was drunk on familiarity, on culture comforts.

And also, honestly, on beer.

And when Jane was drunk on beer, in the summer, surrounded by Italians, she liked to argue. Good naturedly, of course, and with anyone that would give her the time of day. Tommy was up flirting with the roommate that Marisa Talucci brought over, two med school girls he had zero chance with, so it wouldn’t be him, and Frankie sat right next to Jane, but he was also drunk and when drunk he liked to laugh. So he was a no go.

That didn’t matter, however, because this Independence Day, while cousin Danny and his kid stuffed their faces at the table next to her, Jane had the perfect interlocutor right across. She pointed the rim of her half-drained bottle in that direction. “I think you’re nuts,” she said, continuing the banter she’d started a few minutes before.

Maura, who had indulged Jane because she too may have had one too many beers and one too few glasses of water, gasped. She folded her arms over her bikini top and leaned in, tossing one of the peanuts in the bowl near the center of the table at Jane’s face. It landed, and Jane’s reflexes were too delayed to stop it. Frankie bellowed out a laugh. “How could you possibly counter? OPS combines two of the most basic offensive metrics in one to provide one of the strongest predictors of production! Only the top one half of one percent of the league has a superior OPS. Every single one of those players are perennial all-stars!” Maura shouted, though the din of family fun and sizzling barbecue tempered the sharpness of it.

“I dunno Janie, I think she’s got you. Remember when Mookie led the AL in OPS? MVP caliber year,” Cousin Danny said around a mouthful of hot dog.

“Who asked you?” Jane whipped around, motioning for him to zip it. But when she turned her sights back on Maura, she grinned wickedly. She wore her navy road alternate jersey, the one she didn’t mind getting dirty, unbuttoned over her own bikini top, simple black to Maura’s deep, rich red. She leaned back when Maura leaned in, and probably on purpose: it showed off all the musculature she worked so hard for, the musculature that often set Maura off-kilter. “Anyway, here’s what I’m saying: you have a stat that has been around since the beginning of time that basically tells you the same damn thing.”

“Oh?” asked Maura, dripping with superiority. She held back a scoff only because she wanted another sip.

Jane sucked her teeth at the daintiness of that sip. At the pink pout cradling the lip of the bottle.

“Yeah - total bases,” she said as if Maura should have thought of it before. “The more total bases the better. Ya don’t need equations or averages or any of that. Ya just need to know how many knocks a guy got and how many bases each knock counted for. I guarantee ya that tells ya as much as a guy’s slug.”

Maura paused, blinked, clearly unsure if she saw Jane’s point or if the alcohol was seeing it for her. “Well, I…”

At that moment, a particularly large twelve year old kid cannonballed into the deep end just a few feet away, and the water on everyone’s feet at the table gave Jane a wet idea. “Wanna bet? Let’s go inside. I know Carla’s got the family computer in Marisa’s old room. We can do a whole spreadsheet right. Fuckin’. Now.”

Maura dropped her mouth open at the audacity, and then at the implication. They’d be alone. In a bedroom. Collecting data sets. Arguing. “I do want to bet. Lead the way.”

Frankie only rolled his eyes when they shot up from the table and burst through the sliding glass door to the house. Another beer it was, then.

#ask anthrofreshtodeath #otp prompts april 2023 #rizzoli and isles #lauren writes rizzoli and isles fanfiction #will the rizzoli and isles tag swallow my posts like it has in the past? we shall see 😂

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vagevurig · 1 year

Text

//fills out this questionnaire for @sonic-oc-showdown

featuring Lily being a GREMLIN

Name: Lilium "Lily" Gale (born as Lilium Ludmore Tenebris) Species: Wolf (Albino) Type: I usually assign her Flight. Alignment: Chaotic Neutral (on a good day) Home: Some midwestern corn town that likely has an eldritch entity hiding in the corn. You know the sort.

rest under the cut

✨ How did you come up with the OC's name?

I originally named her "Moonlight" (bcs she was very moonthemed), and eventually gave her the nickname "Lilly". During a multitude of character revisions (all within like 2 years of making her), I dropped her original full name, as well as one the L's. Her current full name, "Lilium", comes from the Elfen Lied OP |D

🌼 How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

She's 20/21 ish~ Her birthday is on June 29th, but I keep her age pretty static rn.

🌺 Do they have any love interest(s)?

SHE IS HARCORE SHIPPED WITH @darthsammi's NICKI CASSIDY! THEY ARE DISASTER LESBIANS WHO FUCK SHIT UP TOGETHER AND I LOVE THEM!!

(art by @xmooncanary)

🍕 What is their favorite food?

Hot Dogs! Which is actually based on me lmao,

💼 What do they do for a living?

She doesn't currently have a job, but she aspires to be a published author!

🎹 Do they have any hobbies?

Beyond writing, she's also just a general consumer of pop culture (books, movies/shows, games), researches ancient forbidden texts, and is super into freestyle parkour~ She also collects bugs, and octopus/squid/jellyfish plushies

🎯 What do they do best?

BEING AN IDIOT (She's also very intelligent and analytical, but her absolute idiocy often outshines it)

🥊 What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

I feel like i described her loves two questions ago, though she does really like vibin w/ Nicki. drabbling down some story ideas while Nicki plays some chords on her guitar. She quite dislikes having to do anything with her biological family though. Not for any reason to do with them, she just doesnt know them?? And she's annoyed by suddenly having to reconnect with them. It's to figure out why she suddenly has Shadow Powers:tm:

❤️ What is one of your OC's best memories?

Once when she was twelve, a friend mentioned that she taught there was a monster in the corn fields. Lily, 0 fear and Super Interested in monsters, went in to look for it. And she found it! And though she doesnt remember much of it afterwards, she holds it as her bestest memory.

✂️ What is one of your OC's worst memories?

She has 0 control over her Shadow Powers and during a particularly dark night (new moon), she got stuck in an intangible shadow person form. Unable to be heard or seen by anyone else, it was the most isolated she had ever felt in her life. It is probably the one and only time she had a panic attack.

🧊 Is their current design the first one?

HAHAHAHAHAH n o. I change Lily's design like a girl changes clothes. I barely ever drew her the same to begin with, and overal she's gone through a few major redesigns, and plenty of smaller ones.

Little timeline! not every stage is represented, but it the major redesigns at least!

🍀 What originally inspired the OC?

Believe it or not; a dream. It was a weird ass dream not at all related to Sonic but it featured a sort of moon spirit and my brain was just "I like her" and tried bringing her to the waking world with limited success.

🌂 What genre do they belong in?

Adventure crossed with cosmic and gothic horror? I dont limit myself |D

💚 What is your OC's gender identity and sexuality?

Demigirl, Bisexual

🙌 How many siblings does your OC have?

She has one older foster sister (Swinde) she absolutely loves with her whole heart, as well as 3 biological siblings (1 older; Jillian, and 2 younger; Hilja & Eiju) who she barely knows.

🍎 What is the OC's relationship w/ their parents like?

She has an absolutely Wonderful relationship with her foster mom Lauren, but is more estranged to her biological father, which doesnt become much better :)

🧠 What do you like most about the OC?

everything. She's one of my oldest characters and is one of a few who comforts me when i feel down so. comfort character.

✏️ How often do you draw/write about the OC?

I do NOT draw her enough, and i really aught to change that, but I talk alot about her with aforementioned Darth Sammi!! I hope that counts |D?

💎 Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

I can kill her off I have killed her off before and I will kill her off again in the future :)

💀 Does your OC have any phobias?

Phobias require someone to feel fear at all~ //SLAPPED (She deeply fears fading from existence)

🍩 Who is your OC's arch-nemesis/rival?

She doesnt really have a set one!

🎓 How long have you had the OC?

I made her in February of 2012, when I was 11, so that's 11 years and a few months now. oh man, Lily is almost older now than I was when i made her wack...

#artists on tumblr #fan character #sonic fan character #Mobian #Wolf #Lucifer Does The Art Thing #Lucifer Plays God #Lily Gale #Mystic Forest Zone

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galaghiel · 9 months

Note

Hey there, the sick cat post (itsrainingsince4am) is a scam. The blog is very young and using stolen information. This is a very common scam on tumblr.

Donation scams on Tumblr are usually:

- Usually a few days old, sometimes a few months. They have a few posts to seem legitimate but always scroll down and see if you get to the bottom of their blog.

- Request that users send money through Friends and Family (this prevents refunds and fraud protection)

- Reblog most posts from the source/op (they just go through common tags and don’t genuinely follow anyone)

- Will send users asks requesting that they support their fundraiser (obviously not everyone is a scam, but I have NEVER seen a spam asker who looked legitimate)

The blog Kyra45 posts an lot of good info and call outs on scams. If you delete the reblog, please remember to report OP for phishing or spam as well

Thank you so much for informing me anon!

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skainswrites · 9 months

Note

Hey there, the sick cat post (localtreeeternity) is a scam. The blog was created Aug. 12 and posted the fundraiser using stolen information within 3 hours of creation. This is a very common scam on tumblr documented on Kyra45 and Kyra45-but-animals

Donation scams on Tumblr are usually:

- A few days old or possibly a few months. They have a few posts to seem legitimate, but always scroll down and see if you can get to the bottom. Post time stamps can be enabled in settings to reveal how old a post is.

- Request that users send money through Friends and Family (this prevents refunds and fraud protection)

- Reblog most posts from the source/op (they just go through common tags and don’t genuinely follow anyone)

- Have comments disabled, and/or reblogs or comments are hidden as they are hiding callouts

- Will send users asks requesting that they support their fundraiser (obviously not everyone is a scam, but I have NEVER seen a spam asker who looked legitimate)

If you delete the reblog, please remember to report OP for phishing or spam as well

thank you very much for telling me this. sorry to everyone!!! like i mentioned in the last ask-answered, i kind of didn’t look close enough despite my suspicions. post will be deleted. i’m answering this ask so everyone can see and understand the nature of this scam.

#answered

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kaitostrophe · 11 months

Note

Hey there, the sick cat post (nightloveandkisses) is a scam. This person has been remaking their blog with a different spin on the same “sick pet” story numerous times and this new blog is only a few days old.

Scammer’s blogs usually:

- Are very young (you can scroll to the bottom within a few minutes; on PC you can easily access their Archive which summarizes all their posts)

- Reblog most posts from the source/op (they just go through common tags and don’t genuinely follow anyone)

- Will request that users answer their asks privately (hiding their tracks)

- Request that PayPal payments go through Friends & Family (bypasses most of PP’s anti-scam protocols)

The blog kyra45 posts a lot of good tips and alerts for identifying scam blogs

(if you delete the post please remember to report op for spam as well)

omg thanks for letting me know!! i’ve literally been spending hours trying to block bots from my account 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

#replies

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sunflowersand-bees · 11 months

Note

Hey there, the sick cat post (diced-and-sliced) is a scam. This person has been remaking their blog with a different spin on the same “sick pet” story numerous times and the current one is less than a day old.

Scammer’s blogs usually:

- Are very young (you can scroll to the bottom within a few minutes; on PC you can easily access their Archive which summarizes all their posts)

- Reblog most posts from the source/op (they just go through common tags and don’t genuinely follow anyone)

- Will request that users answer their asks privately (hiding their tracks)

- Request that PayPal payments go through Friends & Family (bypasses most of PP’s anti-scam protocols)

(if you delete the post please remember to report op for spam as well)

thank you. i need to stop falling for this. these are some very useful tips!!

#asks

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waywardstation · 1 year

Note

Since you've mentioned that you want the friendsgiving/harvest festival story idea to take place in Unova, my brain has been wandering around just trying to think of how to make the two ideas mix together harmoniously... And this is what my brain came up with!

Every year on the same day, the Pokemon League members all get together for some kind of autumn-themed party/all day event thing. They've been doing this for as long as anyone remembers, and it's just a special day to spend time with friends and loved ones. This year Drayden, Elesa, Iris, Clay (whom I like to imagine was an old mentor of theirs), among others (I like to imagine that the Subway bros are friends with Roxie too) are INSISTING that Ingo and Emmet come to the party this year and bring some loved ones along too!

There's a lot of weird traditions at this party that no one quite understands what they're for or where they came from, but they're here nevertheless. Slowly as the day goes on Ingo and Akari feel that something about all of this is familiar and Johanna points out the similarities between what they're doing here and a festival that is celebrated in Sinnoh. While they're doing these things, Ingo and Akari are telling stories about this disastrous festival with a play that they had back in Hisui. Eventually they make the connection that the festival-play thing that Ingo and Akari did eventually became the holiday that is still celebrated in Sinnoh today. But why is there this bastardized version being celebrated here in Unova by the Pokemon League members?

At the end of the day, it's revealed that Clay was actually the one to start whole thing. Back when he first became a Gym Leader, he wasn't able to go home to celebrate this holiday that was so important to his family. Clay goes on at length about how important this holiday was to his family, and especially to his great grand pappy who always had the wildest stories to tell about this day and who was insistent on always spending this day with loved ones. And so instead of sitting at home and feeling bad about himself, he decided to start spending this holiday with his new family- the rest of the Unovan Pokemon League. So sure, the traditions he tried to show his friends may have gotten lost in communication and became some weird mutated variant of what they were originally supposed to be, but the most important thing is to spend this time with the people you love and care about- your clan. It also turns out that Clay's great grand pappy was Lian. And while the festival as they celebrated it back in Hisui that first time was kinda a huge disaster, that day ended up becoming something genuinely important and meaningful to Lian, continuing to be important to him for the rest of his life. So much so that its importance was passed down to Clay who then spread this tradition to everyone he cares about in Unova too.

Ohh OP this is a great concept!! This ties up a lot of things together super well, and the connection with Clay and Lian is perfect ;w;

What a great connection!! I really like this mixture of the two; this might influence my fic a little if that’s ok!

#Unova friendsgiving #i also like thinking Ingo and Emmet are friends with Roxie #her music is GREAT #they’d be fans #and her music plays in the subways sometimes #also yes clay is would be a great mentor #I’ve seen a lot of people say Ingo and Emmet got their Excadrill and Archeops with his help as kids and I love that headcanon #ALL OF YOU HAVE GREAT IDEAS

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