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vanillavcnce · 1 year

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𝙶𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚘'𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗? 𝟷𝟶'𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚊 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍.

Welcome to the mind of an ego-maniac wrapped in daddy issues and severe trauma. Below the cut is some more info on my new bby.

**BTW - this backstory is completely made up, it has incorporated some of his real life elements obviously, but I enjoy giving my muses pretty outlandish backstories so please be advised this is from my imagination and it isn't actually factual to Cody's real life or any of his actual family members.**

Full name: Cody Vance.

Birthday: January 15, 1992. 31 yrs of age.

Hometown: Clare, Michigan.

Currently lives in: Atlanta, GA.

Cody's loved wrestling since he was young, he knew in his heart that he wouldn't settle for anything less than becoming a pro wrestler one day and getting a contract with AEW made that become a reality for him.

Most people look at Cody and take him for face value and who could really blame them? He's rarely serious and you can usually find him cracking jokes, making fun of someone, or being a total idiot. He has a pretty dark past growing up in Clare, Michigan he came from a relatively 'perfect' home. The Vance family was highly respected, Cody's father was a pastor in his hometown, very loved and well respected throughout Michigan and Cody loved and admired his father, in fact he idolized him greatly. Though the two didn't always have a good relationship, in fact his father would mentally and physically abuse Cody quite often. The two would go back and fourth getting into physical altercations throughout his life. Cody's dad wanted him to become a preacher as well and go to Bible College and Cody would've done it if it meant making his father happy. His biggest struggles were with disappointing his father, so he'd often do things he didn't want to if it meant making his dad happy. His father was his hero and even though Cody's father was a very corrupted individual, he had a hard time seeing him for who he really was. It wasn't until Cody's father had been exposed for having affairs, religious abuse, and other corrupted things that he saw the wreckage and carnage of some of the decisions and things he had done. The hurt, destruction, and devastation his father had left for those around him, was enough for Cody to decide he wanted to live his life for him and to have his own dreams. He never looked back - except he very much did. He's been haunted by his traumatic upbringing and his father's actions for years and it's shaped Cody into the person he is today unfortunately. He's a bit of an ego-maniac, he's got tons of walls built up, and he often acts out as a way of coping with the trauma and anger that he holds inside.

Cody's had one publicized relationship, it was before he really blew up with AEW but most know he dated Anna Jay (I have not spoken to the Anna writer so I will leave this part pretty bare for the time being.) after he and Anna broke up, Cody spent some time alone, but he actually ended up finding someone and he got married to this woman drunkenly one night in Vegas. It wasn't a planned thing obviously and he certainly didn't wanna marry this woman, he was just looking for a bit of fun however - he decided to stay and give the marriage a try, the two eventually ended up having a daughter and he did get divorced from her about 5 months ago but he's still very present in his daughter's life. His ex wife has full custody of his daughter (due to Cody's very busy schedule) but he does see his daughter very regularly.

Cody's open for all plots, ships are 100% chemistry based for me as I don't like to force things, I lose muse when I do that. He's not really a commitment type of guy, especially after watching his own father's marriage crumble and then his own failed marriage and relationship with Anna. He could use some friends though, he's a dumbass. Lmao hit me up for plots guys!

#dhq.intro #dhq.ooc #tw: religious trauma

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wasp-coffee · 2 years

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for the emoji ask:

🍦🎬 📚 🌸 💁

When I was, like, 12? My school went on a trip to this outdoors center in the middle of nowhere for a week and it was pretty cool. I mean the weather was terrible, the wetsuits stank, and kayaking sucked but the food was amazing and it was sort of the shared misery of being forced to participate in team-building exercises with the guys that made fun of you for X, Y, Z. It was great, I'll always remember it, especially with the coma-inducing amount of sweets everyone managed to cram into their suitcases.

Top Gun (1986) (shocker!), The Mummy (1999), Whip It (2009), Anastasia (1997):

I really don't need to say anything about Top Gun... I'm sure EVERYONE is well aware of how I feel about Top Gun.

The Mummy is both iconic and hilarious, I must've seen it upwards of 100 times when I was younger and it still holds up (yes the CGI sucks but IDGAF). Starring Racheal Weiss and Brendon Fraser it truly is bisexual culture. Its a great film and a fun watch.

Whip It is THEE rollerskating movie, directed by Drew Barrymore (icon) and Eliot Page (Icon) it has a brilliant cast of mainly women and is just a fucking masterpiece tbh the soundtrack is great. Everyone should go watch Whip It (not sponsored).

Anastasia is an absolutely amazing musical with the wackest animation that the late 90s could offer, with MEG RYAN as Anya and Angela Landsbury as The Dowager Empress. All the songs are fucking bangers, it's a beautiful film with a hilarious antagonist AND a broadway musical based on it (slime tutorials readily available on youtube, but you didn't hear that from me).

JUST THREE??? Hm okay... (please don't @ me) -I'm going off the books I think I reread the most (I haven't sat down to read properly in ages so bear with)

The Infernal Devices its a series but it counts as (1)I've read it upwards of ten times after I found it at the library five? (jeez) years ago. I now have my own copies and the spines make a beautiful picture. Here's some quotes:

" And you are still with me. When I breath, I will think of you, for without you I would have been dead years ago. When I wake up and when I sleep, when I lift up my hands to defend myself or when I lie down to die, you will be with me. You say we are born again. I say there is a river that divides the dead and the living. What I do know is that if we are born again, I will meet you in another life, if there is a river, you will wait on the shores for me to come to you, so we can cross together."

“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.”

“Patriotic?” Will looked smug. “I’ll tell you what’s patriotic,” he said. “In honor of my birthplace, I’ve the dragon of Wales tattooed on my—”

The Hunger Games - I must have read it on repeat the summer I bought it (thank you duty free!) The poor book is fraying at the corners and the spine is in smithereens but here's a quote:

“Yes. I killed him. And buried her in flowers," I say. "And I sang her to sleep.”

The City of Heavenly Fire (another Cassandra Clare book ik ik and its YA I can hear the chorus of groans already) Its the last Mortal Instruments book and its fucking good okay.

“His eyes were green.”

“We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.”

I want to note here that I do have a lot of other books on my shelves but these are the ones I've read more than most. I have a whole shelf of classics and another for non fiction but these are just the books that I feel made an impact (or a crater) on me the first time I read them.

An ambivert I think? It depends on where I am and what's going on.

Uh I don't know, It's dependant on the situation really. How rude? I mean is it like someone shoving past or cutting a line or verbally? If it was, like, someone saying something rude I'd usually just let it slide - put it down to ignorance - but if someone's rude to me and then someone I'm with I'd probably say something. I have a no tolerance policy for people treating my friends like shit.

#emoji ask game #mutual asks <3 #ask game #wasp rambles #someone shut me up-#apologies for the wall of text I tried to break it up the best i could #the other books id add would be Pride Priejudice and Zombies and Lockwood & Co. because they're FUN #me writing this in a cold sweat while trying to anticipate how many people are going to unfollow me for my taste in media #anyway im ill so ask away

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badassbutterfly1987 · 5 months

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2023 Book Reviews (July to December)

5 stars

- Midwives (Bohjalian, 1997): A midwife is accused of negligence and manslaughter after a woman in her care dies during a home birth. The mother seemingly had a stroke and an emergency C-section was required to save the baby; the question is raised if she was indeed dead when the C-section happened or if the midwife had accidentally killed her, as well if the mother was even healthy enough to be having a home birth far from a hospital. Told from the perspective of the midwife’s teenage daughter.

- Raptor Red (Bakker, 1995): Follows a year in the life of a female Utahraptor, drawing inspiration from various paleontology theories at the time. Think Meerkat Manor but about a raptor and her family. Obviously I loved it.

3 stars

- The Haunting of Maddy Clare (Simone St James, 2012): the ghost stuff was mostly well done. Maddy is angry and hurting and I don't blame her for being so hostile. Didn't like her dialogue, it felt very "Crazy=Dangerous=Monster" in a way that just felt generic horror villain which doesn't sit right knowing that this is a traumatized victim. Sarah and Matthew have a Hallmark-level romance but it isn't even decent Hallmark. Every conversation until the last third features some kind of misunderstanding they don't resolve. First sex scene between the leads is technically okay but the complete lack of communication makes consent feel more dubious (just because Sarah’s inner dialogue is fine with it, doesn’t make Matthew’s lack of even checking in okay, especially in light of their repeated misunderstandings). The post-WWI trauma was pleasantly well-done, physical disabilities in Matthew and Alistair were a more mixed bag.

2 stars

- In the Shadow of the Throne (Kate Sheridan, 2022): I really wanted to like this graphic novel. It’s cute and gay and a teen boy is isekai’d to a fantasy world but there’s not much substance. Not nearly enough time to hit all the plot points so everything feels rushed; dialogue and relationships don’t proceed naturally. Art style is nice at least.

Nonfiction:

- Monsters in the Movies: 100 Years of Cinematic Nightmares (Landis, 2011): Encyclopedia of horror and horror-adjacent movies that author has seen. He shares his opinions on them but offers little beyond surface analysis.

- Living with Cannibals and Other Women’s Adventures (Michele Slung, 2000): Introduction to various female explorers. Decent intro but each chapter felt like a basic book report on each woman.

- The Complete Beginner’s Guide to Drawing Manga (Sonia Leong, 2023): Good lessons here for anyone interesting in the subject.

- Trans and Autistic (Noah Adams + Bridget Liang, 2020): The experiences of people who are both trans and autistic and how those parts of their identity have afffected their lives. Definitely of interest to me as someone who is definitely one and possibly the other as well.

- A Wolf Called Romeo (Nick Jans, 2014): About a lone wolf in Alaska who was chill with people and really just wanted to play with the local dogs; fair warning the ending made me cry.

- Becoming Nicole (Amy Ellis Nutt, 2015): The life story of transgender actress and activist Nicole Maines.

- Notes from a Sickbed (Tessa Brunton, 2022): a graphic novel about the author’s experiences with chronic fatigue syndrome.

- Little Girls in Pretty Boxes (Joan Ryan, 1995): about the pressure put on young girls and teenagers in competitive gymnastics and iceskating (especially those aiming for the Olympics), and the consequences of that pressure.

#book review #midwives #raptor red #haunting of maddy clare #in the shadow of the throne #monsters in the movies #living with cannibals and other women's adventures #trans and autistic #wolf called romeo #becoming nicole #notes from a sickbed #little girls in pretty boxes

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whoviancumberbunny · 8 months

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For All Time - A Modern Day Vax Vessar Fluff Fic.

An AU Vax’ildan Vessar One shot

Vax Vessar Created By Critical Role

Magnus Bane and Jem Carstairs Created By Cassandra Clare

Cana Caine Created By Melissa C. Scraper [@whoviancumberbunny]

Written as sequel to The Love Letter AU by @demigoddessqueens

Tag: @undertale-anomaly20

Annie stood looking at the man that she was not a 100% Sure was Vax “Is it really you?” she had sworn she had seen him so many times as she woke from dreams after reading the letters in the magic desk. It had been two months since his last letter. She hadn't fully acknowledged how much the letters meant to her before they stopped coming.

He was trying to decide what to say and he didn’t want to explain to her in the middle of territory of the Matron of Ravens. When they got back to her house. “During battle desk was stolen. And I couldnlt send you any more letters.” He reached into the pouch on his belt and took out bundle of letters on top of which was the photo she had sent him “I had hard time keeping Scanlan from finding these letters. He liked to tease me about writing to you.” She placed her fingers on his lips to hush his rambling and lead him over to the couch after he removed his armor. They sat on the couch and she kissed him.

“I don’t care how it is possible. I only hope that we are finally together. I wrote in my journal that I feared that was fated to be alone and have a soulmate who lived 1000 years before me.” Vax held Annie in his arms “You must be hungry I will go make you something to eat.” She returned a few minutes Later “the pizza will be ready in….” She was stopped dead in her tracks

“Shaun Gilmore helped me get to you. And before he completed the spell he told me I better marry.” He took a ring out of his pocket “I meant ever word I said in those letters. Annie will you marry me?” Annie looked at him

“Yes, Vax’ildan Vessar. I will marry you.” After he slid the ring onto her finger

“Before you ask he enchanted the ring so it would fit you perfectly.” He stood up and took her in his arms and kissed her passionately “I thought I’d never be able to have you in my arms.” He whispered. A few days later after spending time alone together they went to City Hall. That was when it dawned on them they had another hurdle to get over Vax had no proof of his own existence because he had only been in present for two weeks. “I know someone who can help us.” Annie said she took out her phone and dialed a phone number “I need help with the situation related to the desk you sold me.” They leave city hall and find an alley where all is clear “we are someplace where there aren’t any witnesses.” A portal opens up on the other side an apartment with elegant furniture is visible. “I see you convinced Alec to let you get that loud sofa.”

“That happens to be blue velvet sofa and since the children are training to be shadowhunters it should stay clean a while.” Magnus said. She explains herself to the warlock “I can help you with that. Have a seat.”

Vax whispered to Annie “I thought people like Gilmore were unusual.”

“Sweetie I am not exactly like Shaun Gilmore. for one thing my father is a prince of hell and prickish one at that.” Magnus say as he snapped his fingers and drinks appeared in their hands “Don’t worry I know you prefer non alcoholic drinks, Annie it is sparkling apple juice. Due to Vax’ildan’s skill set I am sure I can convince Alexander to register him as a shadow hunter.” He grinned until then It may not be recognized as legal marriage in most places. Since i help mortals with love charms. I can marry you two. I just need a witness.” Magnus casually ran his hand along the fur of his cats as he thought and he picked uop his phone and made long distance call to England.

After about ten minute “are we going to Jem’s house. I haven’t been there since before Mina was born.” Normally ‘mundanes’ weren’t allowed into the world of the Nephilim but a few months before Magnus had given her the desk. She had come close to becoming shadow hunter. But she had left the academy before ascending. Annie had never known about her mother’s family. It turned out she was distant cousin of Jem and Emma’s adoptive son, Kit Herondale. After Watching the ascension kill one of her classmates. She left the silent city.

Magnus “Yes, but first thing’s first. if you are getting married what you are wearing is too plain.” He snapped his fingers and her clothes changed like in the scene in Cinderella after the prince finds Cinderella and the veil appears as her dress changes back in the ball gown

Annie looked at him “How did you know this is my favorite Cinderella movie dress?”

“Aside from the fact that you are the one who suggested a Cinderella movie marathon last time we had movie night with Clary and Izzy.” He grinned “you have bit of dialogue from Cinderella 1965 memorized.” A few moments later they were stepping out of a portal in large room where they could hear violin music playing. “Jem. Are you playing the dance of the swans from swan lake?” Annie asked him

The older man with white hair, Jem was around 150 years old because had recently become mortal he only just begun to age. “ I see magnus couldn’t resist giving the bride a makeover.” He offers his hand to Vax to shake “Jem Carstairs, you must be Vax’ildan Vessar.” He grinned last time Annie had visited was a few months after she and Vax had began writing to one another through the magical desk. It was still unclear if Magnus had known what the desk was when he gave it Annie. He only knew that she liked it as a pretty object and would take care of it.

“we shall have a reception once everyone is available to come to Brooklyn.” Magnus declared after he had completed marriage ceremony. Vax kissed her passionately

Annie “You’re stuck with me now.” She whispered to Vax. He had been silent for last few hours, he was still adjusting to this reality but somehow the fact that there was magic here too was comforting,

Vax “is this one of the things you didn’t mention I nthe letters? I remember in one of your letters you mentioned there were things you weren’t allowed to tell me about.” He asked as he held her close.

Annie looked at him “I promised them I wouldnlt but to outsiders everyone you have met so far is just a group of eccentrics.” She whispered “So you know. Jem and Magnus reserve a room for us in the town nearby. Since Jem know how it feels to be newly wed after years of not being able to be with the woman he loves.” She kisses him

Kit comes down “Min Min wanted to be where everyone else is.” He smiled at vax and Annie. “It is nice to meet you. Magnus talks about Annie all the time you must be Vax.” He hands the baby to to Jem and goes over tic hake their hands “sorry about the scars on my hands, Jem has been training me to become a Shadowhunter.”

Annie showed him her scars “I almost became shadow hunter. Jem was there when I decided before my name was called to leave.”

“You almost became an angel.”

Annie “I almost decided to take the final step. But I was terrified after I saw what happened to one of the other students.” He caressed her cheek. She wished she could tell him but she promised the silent brothers and her friends she never would.

“Annie, I can tell by the look in your eyes that someone you trained with died in front of you.” Vax said as they went for walk for few minutes to watch the sun set. “I wish the desk hadnlt been stolen from Whitestone. I wish I could tell my sister and friends that I am happy and safe.”

Emma Carstairs glanced at them “I may know a way. If you don’t mind further assistance from Warlocks.” She paused “Provided the individual in possession of the desk in the time you came from didnlt destroy it.” She said to Vax.

Vax looked at her “If you believe it is possible. Annie trusts you, I suppose I can too.”

Two Months later after returning from Honeymoon cruise that Magnus and Alec had given them a wedding gift. Annie and Vax finds letters from the other members of Vox Machina in the compartment in the desk. They sat o nthe couch and Vax read all the letters from his friends and his sister. “Vex’ahlia and Percival are getting married.” She saw bit of sadness in his eyes. He was happy to finally be with her. But he believed he could never see his sister or friends again.”

Annie places a small box containing a a mother pr pearl button, in his hand “You remember the neurotic man we talked to at te wedding reception Magnus threw two weeks after the wedding. I mean Quentin Coldwater. To you all my friends are odd.” He fixed his home when it was falling apart and decided to change the rules about allowing only children who are lost souls safe passage through the Neitherlands.: he noticed she was holding matching button

“what does it mean?” he asked her

“The Neitherlands are in between earth and all dimensions.” She read the note that Quentin gave them with the buttons, “Sounds like they needlessly over complicated using the buttons. All it says it we need to be in contact with the buttons to use them.”

Vax was processing and it dawned on him what she was saying “we can sew them to our shirts.” He paused “Why does it say not enter the Midworld fountain.”

Annie “Because Midworld is where my doppleganger lives. IN Midworld they call them Twinners.” Before Magnus had given her the desk she had crossed paths with the citizens of midworld and beyond.

Several Days later, and many many years in the past….

Annie “Vax’ildan you asked me why I threatened to strangle that rabit in the neitherlands. It was a rabbit that wanted to blurt out what I hadn't had a chance to tell you myself. We’ll need to stay in Whitestone for several months.” She placed her hand on her stomach. He grinned and placed his hand on her slightly swollen abdomen “I love you, Vax.”

Vax “I was wondering why Gilmore was being delicate around your midsection when altering this dress.” They arrived at the location of Percy and Vex’s wedding “I object. How can you get married without me here.” He smirked and he walked over and kissed his sister on the cheek “You didnlt mention being pregnant in your letter.” He whispered

To be Continued

Wednesday, September 27, 2023

#vax x oc #vox machina au #love letter au #crossover au

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celtfather · 9 months

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Carry My Song #626

Carry my song with you and the Irish & Celtic Music Podcast #626.

Juha Rossi, Wolf & Clover, The Dustbunnies, Santiago Molina, Téada, Banshee in the Kitchen, Rebecca Gilbert & Kellswater Bridge, The Chieftains, Cantrip, Clare Sands, Tulua, Brother Sea, Niamh Dunne

GET CELTIC MUSIC NEWS IN YOUR INBOX

The Celtic Music Magazine is a quick and easy way to plug yourself into more great Celtic culture. Subscribe and get 34 Celtic MP3s for Free.

VOTE IN THE CELTIC TOP 20 FOR 2023

This is our way of finding the best songs and artists each year. You can vote for as many songs and tunes that inspire you in each episode. Your vote helps me create next year's Best Celtic music of 2023 episode. Vote Now!

Two weeks after the episode is launched, I compile your votes to update a playlist on Spotify and YouTube. These are the results of your voting. You can help these artists out by following the playlists and adding tracks you love to your playlists. Follow us on Facebook to find out who is added each week.

Listen on Spotify and YouTube.

0:02 - THIS WEEK IN CELTIC MUSIC

0:06 - Juha Rossi "Factory Smoke / Walsh's Hornpipe" from Irish Tunes on Mandolin

3:41 - WELCOME

4:25 - Wolf & Clover "The Bedroom Set" from Twelvemonth and a Day

8:38 - The Dustbunnies "After The Storm" from What Goes Around

12:32 - Santiago Molina "Zamba del laurel" from Desde un nuevo lugar

16:26 - Téada "Song - Oileán Dhún an Óir" from Coiscéim Coiligh / As the Days Brighten Pronunciation Oileán Dhún an Óir - ill - awn Doon ahn Ore Coiscéim Coiligh - kosh - kaym quill - ig

20:13 - FEEDBACK

23:38 - Banshee in the Kitchen "Exile of Maggie" from Band O' Shees

28:10 - Rebecca Gilbert & Kellswater Bridge "Red is the Rose" from Origin

32:23 - The Chieftains "Morgan Magan" from Bear's Sonic Journals: The Foxhunt - Live In San Francisco 1973

35:25 - THANKS

38:51 - Story of Clare Island Whiskey

41:18 - Cantrip "Time Will Cure Me" from Undark

45:51 - Clare Sands "Carry my Song feat. Susan O’Neill" from Clare Sands

49:33 - Tulua "Red Sky" from Rising

55:00 - Brother Sea "As One" from single

58:46 - CLOSING

59:29 - Niamh Dunne "Did You Ever Love Me" from Tides

1:04:35 - CREDITS

The Irish & Celtic Music Podcast was produced by Marc Gunn, The Celtfather and our Patrons on Patreon. The show was edited by Mitchell Petersen with Graphics by Miranda Nelson Designs. Visit our website to subscribe to the show. You’ll find links to all of the artists played in this episode.

Todd Wiley is the editor of the Celtic Music Magazine. Subscribe to get 34 Celtic MP3s for Free. Plus, you’ll get 7 weekly news items about what’s happening with Celtic music and culture online. Best of all, you will connect with your Celtic heritage.

Finally, please tell one friend about this podcast. Word of mouth is the absolute best way to support any creative endeavor.

Promote Celtic culture through music at http://celticmusicpodcast.com/.

WELCOME CELTOPHILE TO CELTIC MUSIC

* Helping you celebrate Celtic culture through music. I am Marc Gunn. I’m a musician and podcaster. This Podcast is here to build our diverse Celtic community and help the incredible artists who so generously share their music with you. If you hear music you love, please email artists to let them know you heard them on the Irish and Celtic Music Podcast.

You can find a link to all of the artists in the shownotes, along with show times, when you visit our website at celticmusicpodcast.com.

Do you have the Irish & Celtic Music Podcast app? It’s 100% free. You can listen to hundreds of episodes of the podcast. Download it now.

Hey Celtic Bands, I’m looking for new music and stories in 2023. To submit your band, just complete the permission form at 4celts.com. You’ll also find information on how to submit a story behind one of your songs or tunes.

Get a free Celtic Musicians Guide to Digital Music eBook. email gift@bestcelticmusic

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Because of Your kind and generous support, this show comes out four times a month. Your generosity funds the creation, promotion and production of the show. It allows us to attract new listeners and to help our community grow.

As a patron, you get music - only episodes before regular listeners, vote in the Celtic Top 20, and you get a private feed to listen to the show. All that for as little as $1 per episode.

A special thanks to our Celtic Legends: Bill Mandeville , Marti Meyers, Brenda, Meghan Walker, Karen, Emma Bartholomew, Dan mcDade, Bob Harford, Carol Baril, Miranda Nelson, Nancie Barnett, Kevin Long, Gary R Hook, Lynda MacNeil, Kelly Garrod, Annie Lorkowski

HERE IS YOUR THREE STEP PLAN TO SUPPORT THE PODCAST

Go to our Patreon page.

Decide how much you want to pledge every week, $1, $5, $10. Make sure to cap how much you want to spend per month.

Keep listening to the Irish & Celtic Music Podcast to celebrate Celtic culture through music.

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TRAVEL WITH CELTIC INVASION VACATIONS

Every year, I take a small group of Celtic music fans on the relaxing adventure of a lifetime. We don't see everything. Instead, we stay in one area. We get to know the region through its culture, history, and legends. You can join us with an auditory and visual adventure through podcasts and videos.

In 2024, we’re going on a Celtic Invasion of Northern Ireland and the Isle of Man. Learn more about the invasion at http://celticinvasion.com/ #celticmusic #irishmusic #celticmusicpodcast

I WANT YOUR FEEDBACK

What are you doing today while listening to the podcast? You can send a written comment along with a picture of what you're doing while listening.

How would you like to introduce an episode of the podcast? It’s super easy. Contact me for details.

Email me at celticpodcast@gmail, message me on Facebook, or contact me through Mastodon @[email protected].

Metta RavenHeart replied: "Thanks for the offer. Generally, I listen to your amazing podcasts when I am making my morning brew; or I am jeeping to my next hike here in the mountains of southwestern New Mexico.

I will spend St. Patrick’s Day celebrating the coming of Spring and the sprouting of my clover lawn. Who knows, maybe I will find a four leafer!"

Steve & Jane emailed: "Mostly just listening..and enjoying the music and wishing I could play like that.

Cooking bangers and mash. St Paddy parade March 10 and St Augustine Celtic Festival March 10&11, and St Paddy celebration in Ponte Vedra FL on Sunday March 19, watching TV to see Chicago River and Hillsborough River in Tampa died green"

Steve Marlow emailed: "Hi Marc , While I'm listening I am sitting on my narrowboat (my home) and perhaps doing little jobs? On St Patrick's day I will be in my local drinking a Guinness and listening to an Irish band ( local guys)"

Nannette Billings replied: "I usually do house cleaning. For St Pats day I'm making traditional Corned beef and cabbage and doing what I do any other day .🍀"

zachary gunter messaged me on Patreon: "Hey Marc, I was introduced to irish music through an album done by the 97th regimental string band. They focus on american civil war music. But on one of their albums, Irish chanty, if i remember right. I gained an appreciation for the irish/celtic genre.

Not sure if its possible, but if there was an episode based off of irish music focused on war songs sung in battle that would be an awesome episode.

Thank you for everything you do, ive been listening for years now off and on, and it never fails to make my day brighter."

Check out this episode!

#celtic #Irish #Scottish #music #Ireland #Scotland

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whatsonmedia · 1 year

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In Conversation With - The Kendall Connection

Meet Nick Kendall, Steve Holness, Greg Hagger and Tom Clare, the four guys whom together make The Kendall Connection. They officially established themselves in 2016, six years after they first began forming, they have been making blues rock waves in the five plus years now that have followed since and show no signs of slowing down. Intriguingly there's more to these guys than meets the eye, and ears, as when they're not producing band material they're busy lending their creativity to other projects both on-stage and on the road. These guys even took to the road with Jools Holland, lucky lucky lucky "We let it all into our music and don’t out boundaries on anything or write with any rules or restrictions" You've been together since 2016, how's the journey been for the band so far? It’s been a lot of fun, which was one of the main reasons for putting the band together. We’re all full time musicians and so spend most of our time playing on shows in the West End, performing with other artists, and recording on sessions in the studio, and so we wanted to have something of our own that got us back to the reason we started playing in the first place. We all come from band backgrounds and the session musician thing kind of happened along the way, and so it’s good to be doing something totally ours where we have full creative freedom. How did you all get together? We all met playing in London’s West End. Tom Clare (Drums), Steve Holness (Keys), and myself (Nick Kendall) met when we were depping on the Queen show, We Will Rock You, around 2010, and then Greg Hagger (Bass), and I met a few years later working on Jersey Boys. Tom and I had always talked about putting a band together, and so when I started writing and getting some tunes together around 2016, we floated the idea with Greg and Steve and they immediately jumped on board. The name, The Kendall Connection has a ring to it, how was the name decided on? When we formed I had a very definite vision of what I wanted to aim for as a band from a music point of view. I wanted to write and record songs that stand solidly on their own as pure songs, even without any of the ‘musician’ stuff, like guitar solos and improvisation, but then also have space for us to stretch out as players and have a blast. I feel that a lot of the time you get one or the other, bands that like to take lots of solos and are into say, the guitarist thing, often fall short on the songwriting and emotional / lyrics front. As we are session players, and therefor love and play in many different styles with lots of different influences, we wanted to let that all come through in our music, and although a lot of the core songwriting happens from my side, it’s when all the players bring their various styles and influences into the studio and put their stamp on the tracks, that brings the magic to the songs. We wanted it to be a band with music that is both fun and exciting for us to play while still connecting with the everyday man, hence the name The Kendall Connection. Now you're a London-based band and it's got a reputation for numerous notable artists but what's the music scene like? Oddly enough we don’t tend to play in London itself much. A lot of live music tends to take place outside of the city, for us anyway. It’s also rubbish for parking and offloading gear!! Haha! That said we’re all on shows at the moment as so always play in London on nights when not off gigging elsewhere. Tom is the drummer on Moulin Rouge, Steve is the assistant MD on Back to the Future, I’m (Nick) finishing my run at Only Fools & Horses before doing We Will Rock You at The Coliseum over the summer, and Greg is currently covering bass on a handful of other shows in town. For those who've yet to go down there and explore, which music venues would you recommend? We had a great gig supporting Aynsley Lister just before the pandemic at the 100 Club on Oxford Street which often has some great acts. We also did Bush Hall supporting the B.B. King Blues Band, and we’ve seen some great acts there too. The Half Moon in Putney, and the 606 are some great ones too. And do some of them still run today? The Borderline was a good one, but it’s sadly shut its doors. The 100 Club was declared a protected venue the day we played it actually, which was a really good feeling, as the future of these venues is sometimes precarious. However I think there will always be places to see live music for those that know the experience can’t be matched scrolling live footage on YouTube! I think sometimes people forget that. Alice Cooper, Paul Weller and Adele are amongst some of the artist’s who's music influences yours. What is it about them that draws you to their material? Those are actually not any of our direct influences, those are some of the artists we’ve been lucky enough to play with in our session careers. Some of our influences include Stevie Ray Vaughan, Sting & The Police, Fleetwood Mac, Mike Stern, Brad Paisley, Cream, Scott Henderson, Santana, and the list goes on and on in many different styles and eras. We let it all into our music and don’t out boundaries on anything or write with any rules or restrictions. That’s one of the positives about todays music era, so much has been done and with the new age of the recording industry, you can kind of do whatever you want, which we embrace. You've made over 6 albums since you've been together, what was the process like in putting them together as it was probably different for each one Well we’ve actually only put out our debut album as a full length album officially. The rest of the releases have been singles, and a small EP. As we are playing full time and we also all have families with young kids, when we formed we decided just to get recording and releasing songs individually as singles, because we weren’t sure when forming, what our time frame to put together a full length album would be. We also figured because the industry works differently in the digital age, there’s no real need to release full length albums, and so we wanted to put music out continuously, rather than having long gaps between full length releases. However, people who were getting into our stuff and becoming fans, wanted to be able to buy a CD, and the press also wanted to review something as a full release, so we compiled some of our already released tracks along with some new ones to form our debut album which came out in 2020. We’ve decided to follow a similar process for the second album and so there are three singles out for that so far. We have also just finished mixing a 5 track EP titled ‘Blood & Water’ which will be coming out in the spring / summer. We’re very pleased with it, and can’t wait to share it with everyone! We’re also continuing to write and record for the second album which will follow. As artists what inspires your songwriting? Life, family, and the world around us. Although we’re not over political or trying to get involved in that discussion at all, it’s a subject that creeps into our songs too. One of the songs on the Blood & Water EP was inspired while remembering the late great Jeff Beck, and the instrumental song (our only instrumental to date) came about while noodling on guitar in the style of Jeff Beck in the days after he passed. So really whatever is going on at the time. Do some of these go into the process of creating your music? 100%, I think it means the songs come out honest, and aren’t trying too hard to be anything, as they come from a true place. And do you find it a therapeutic process in that you can pour your heart, soul and emotions into your songs? We don’t really think about it that way or write for that reason, but I suppose if I look back on all the songs written, then yes that’s probably happening naturally. As music loving individuals which artists did you listen to in your lives? It changes all the time, depending on our own moods, musical interests, and goals on our instruments. I’ve mentioned some of our various influences above and the list is endless. Although we love so many varied styles and artists, at the core of everything we play, there is a blues and rock gutsiness to our playing and writing. I grew up playing in the blues clubs of Johannesburg, and I think even as you mature and your interests morph, the music that first hit you and inspired you in your early years will always show through in everything you write and play. We're officially out of lockdown now but how was it for you during that time with social restrictions? Being full time musicians with families to support, the pandemic was very tough in a lot of ways, as it was for so many self employed in a certain group, but we also enjoyed having some quality time at home. We’re always working nights, and away a lot, so we just tried to focus on the positives, and we’re grateful to be out the other side, and back playing again. Your most recent gigs were in places such as Nottingham, Whitby, Guildford and London. How did they go and what was the feeling you felt when you went before a live crowd after so long? We’ve been back out and playing live since 2021, and the strange thing was, when we first went back, it was almost like we just slotted straight back into place, like it was all just a very surreal dream. We’re definitely glad live music is back, and our only hope is that people haven’t gotten too used to the idea of sitting home watching tele rather than venturing out to a gig or festival. You supported music legend Jools Holland, what's it like to share a venue with him? The Jools Holland gigs were fantastic to do! His crowd is a great fit for us, because they are people who want to hear musicians doing their thing, but also just like hearing songs they can sing to. We’ve also played the venues before as session musicians, but not with our own band, and so walking out to a packed Nottingham Royal Concert Hall and similar venues to play our own songs was a real thrill! We're now into 2023 so what can we expect from you for the remainder of this year? We’ve spent the first part of this year, writing, recording, and producing the Blood & Water EP, so next is planning the release for that, videos, packaging, and all that goes with it. We’ll then start planning live gigs for the second half of the year, as we will then know what times we have available around other tour and playing commitments. And where can we find your music? Website: https://thekendallconnection.co.uk/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thekendallconnectionband Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/25JOX9jeOa51iDtPf9mESS?si=vb3OUj0eS0CtX0vWEee5GQ Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/gb/artist/the-kendall-connection/1234342034 Read the full article

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theroomofreq · 3 years

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Feb 2021 Fic Recs

I AM JUST REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT FANFICTION, OKAY.

I didn’t have as much time to read fanfic this month, but I still want to share the stories I fell in love with. There are so so many good fics out there, and I wish I had time for them all! Here is a list of the fanfic that I read this month and truly adore.

A majority of my reading this month was spent on Fem!Jily fics! Which I LOVED. I whole heartedly rec every single one!! There is a collection on AO3 of all of the fics written if you are interested! This list would be AGES longer if I added all of those gems. Trust me they are SO worth it!

Below the cut are 20 wonderful fics. Happy reading my friends!!

Romione Fics

Who He'd Miss Most by @ashotofogdensoldfirewhiskey

T 2k // I CAN’T EXPRESS ENOUGH LOVE FOR THIS FIC. This missing moment is just brilliant. RON is fantastic in it, written so well. The Harry & Ron BROTP gives me too many emotions. The Romione vibes are spot on. I read this three times before I could find words to leave a review. I plan to read this one again and again and again.

A Crown of Violets by katsala

T 2k // A fem!romione story? Yes! Please! I adore the way that Ron, (who is named Ginny) is written in this story. It’s very very very good.

Hinny Fics

The Potters and the Weasleys by @goodlifewrites

G 82k // The latest chapter of this fic dropped while I was brushing my teeth. I immediately sat on the floor and read it, toothbrush still in my mouth. AND ITS FAB. The way this story is written is just next level. The characterization, plot, writing style? Everything is INCREDIBLE. I’m in love.

Am I Your Lockscreen? by @narukoibito

T 1k // The moment I got the email about this fic I stopped everything to read it. I laughed through the entire thing. Not going to lie, I’ve probably read it 5 times since it was posted. The dynamic of the characters is fantastic. Harry in this is just top notch.

Ginevra by @clarensjoy

T 3k // I am really emotional about this story. Every scene in this story hit me hard. I desperately wanted more, but it was so so perfectly transitioned to the next scene. I love my girl Ginny and I ADORE this story.

borrow the moonlight by @could-have-beens

G 700 words // I talked about this fic earlier this month, but it deserves to be rec’d 100 more times. Every time I read it I am super emotional about the way Hinny’s relationship is portrayed. :’)

out the window by @displayheartcode

G 500 words // EVERY TIME ONE OF THESE LITTLE MASTERPIECES IS DROPPED ON ME IT LIVES IN MY HEAD FOR WEEKS. THIS ONE IS AT THE TOP OF MY BRAIN ALL THE TIME. MIGHT ABANDON ALL MY WIPS AND JUST WRITE ABOUT THIS AU NON STOP.

He looks at her and sees the rest of his life by @fightfortherightsofhouseelves

G 700 words// This little gem makes me so emotional about Hinny. I love the way Harry thinks about/describes/loves Ginny. It’s this really powerful little love story that turns me into an absolute sap.

take what i took and give it back to you by fairytiger

T 4k // One of the first stories I read after retuning to fandom last year. I’ve probably read it 7+ times. A favorite go to fic. I came back to it this month because I think about it every other week. Ginny in this story is so clearly written and characterized. OH I LOVE IT.

trouvaille by @gryffindormischief

G 6k // The way that Harry was written in this story stayed with me for long after I read it. It is so so so perfectly Harry that it kills me. Musician Harry? YES PLEASE!

Jily Fics

Shelf Awareness by @ghostofbambifanfiction

M 28k // HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS. WHY DID YOU ALL JUST LET ME STUMBLE ON THIS BY MYSELF. I can’t even begin to talk about this fic. Bookstore AU? Sold. Dorky James? Sold. Pining Lily? Sold. Oh it is so so beyond good. I know I am so so late to this party, but it’s just unreal.

to be always kind and true by @clare-with-no-i

G 2k // You know that moment when you read a fic by an author and then you ignore everything and consume every story they have?? Yeah, I did that after reading this fic. The characterization alone could kill me. Not to mention the writing style. FAB.

they loved. by @mppmaraudergirl

T 400words// I read this little ficlet about 7 times hoping that there would be more each time I got to the end. It always stopped in the same place and broke my heart every time. It’s soooooo gorgeous I can’t stop thinking about it.

bisous, bisous by @clare-with-no-i

G 1k // When you read this fic it’s like you are actually in the story. The atmosphere is so powerful. It’s just this brilliant piece of art that makes want to curl up and read it under a cozy blanket.

The Fabulous Baker Brothers by @frustratedpoetwrites

T 8k // This fic has me running to a bakery every time I think about it. I love the characterization in this story. OH how I love Lily in this fic, she is just wonderful. And of course, I am a huge sucker for a well written Remus.

Summer Girl by @efkgirldetective

E 41k // I dare you to find a more lyrically written first person narrative. NOT POSSIBLE. This story is flat out gorgeous and I am very much obsessed with it. One Sunday night I found out I didn’t have to go into work the next day so I immediately started this fic and didn’t stop until I finished it at 2am.

Earthquake Drills by @efkgirldetective

M 132k WIP// After finishing Summer Girl at 2am, I read this story until 5:30 am. I got 4 hours of sleep and then woke up and read it more. I crave dynamic characters the way Efk wrote them in this story. It is just WOW.

Other Fics

see where you hide by @alrightginger

T 1k // When a George/Harriet fic is posted I RUN. I love love love fiery Fem!Harry. And I love the way that this story pans out, wonderful. Give me all the Fem!Harry.

And We Are In Bed Together, Laughing by nevernevergirl @yorkesteins

T 3k // The Remus/Tonks fic of my dreams. This fic is a collection of missing moments that tells their story. I fell in love with the writing style and the way that these two are written. GORGEOUS.

Miasma by @medric

T 5k // This story hit me so hard, it’s the type that gives you heart ache in the most beautiful way. It’s the story of Remus’ life, the two wars and who he loves. Wolfstar and Remadora. I’ll be thinking about it non-stop for the next month.

#roomofreqs recs #romione fic recs #hinny fic recs #jily fic recs #george x harriet #wolfstar fic recs #remadora fic recs

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arledrone · 2 years

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do you have any recommendations for media that's like...minimally problematic? idk how to word it but like stuff that won't have me ripping my hair out due to the writers' blatant racism / colorism / homophobia / what have you? i'm looking for something i can just sit down and enjoy right now but everything i like always has...something

That's the thing. Everything is going to have something. It's just a matter of how much you can tolerate versus how minimal those elements actually end up being.

General disclaimer that nothing is going to be 100% 'unproblematic' and to a point its someone's responsibility to recognise what elements are actually problematic and what elements are there for a reason as either an allusion to real issues or directly tackling said issues. These are just anime that are my all-time favourites (Saiyuki would be included but considering how heavy it is that REALLY depends on your own personal tastes. Brilliant manga either way personally alongside its flaws. Fruits Basket also falls into this category but I'm not getting into discourse about that 10+ years after its release. No one can force me).

Red Garden - one of my FAVOURITE anime of all time solely because of how it depicts the emotional trauma and unique hardships its main four girls go through. It features four high schools girls, all falling into 'stereotypical' cliques (the honour student, the shrinking violet, the tough girl, the party girl) and proceeds to give them such life and depth with their families, friends, and even enemies. Scattered usage of F-slur being the main warning. Without getting too spoilery, the plot follows the girls after a mutual friend of theirs, Lise, dies from an assumed suicide. They find themselves all drawn to the same place by butterflies only they can see, and upon meeting each other, meet a woman named Lula. According to her, they're already dead, using substitute bodies to go about their day, and can never regain their normal lives if they don't kill a common enemy.

Claymore - a fairly brutal manga (and anime). It follows Clare, a young woman who works for an organisation tasked with protecting humanity from Yoma (the series' take on akuma/yokai). The Claymores are a group of 'silver-eyed witches', their abilities enhanced by the Yoma blood injected into their bodies from childhood. Clare finds herself repeating the past after saving a boy named Raki from Yoma, and the plot follows her struggled with her weakness as a Claymore and the organisation's iron-grip on the women under its control.

Mononoke - I am going to preface by saying it depicts black Japanese characters, but they're generally given well-done unique designs. The only disclaimer is the man in the first arc, but other than him the Afro-Japanese characters in the show aren't just blatant caricatures. Fun disclaimer out the way, it's an anthology of horror and mystery tales given a very Noh spin in both how the 'protagonist', Medicine Seller speaks (Sakurai at his best honestly), and the way it's split into 'acts' for intermissions. This one is a real hidden gem I feel and so underrated despite its unique art style and direction. It's stories range from heartbreaking to disturbing (often both), and focuses on exorcising ayakashi and the human atrocities that led to them. Simultaneously emotional and dramatic and I love it with all my heart.

Ayakashi: Traditional Japanese Horror Tales: exactly what it says on the tin. Anime that adapts classic, well-known, influential horror tales (. Also the beginning of Mononoke and its original adaptation before its popularity blessed us with Mononoke. Note that the Mononoke story is heavily triggering (rape, animal abuse) and EXTREMELY hard to swallow in one sitting. Watched it in anime club in my school days and the whole club was in tears. Definitely worth it if you can handle it though.

Yamishibai: another anthology horror series, but much simpler and lighter than Mononoke. 5-minisodes with a 'paper cut-out' art style. Ranges from folklore to urban legends and more abstract horror. YMV since it's 10 seasons long (again eps are only like 5 minute's long).

Aoi Bungaku: anime that adapted classic Japanese literature, including the notorious No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai and a gorgeous rendition of both "The Spider's Thread" and "Hell Screen" by Ryunosuke Akutagawa.

Pandora Hearts: manga by Jun Mochizuki. If you held a gun to my head and told me to suggest the anime I'd pay you money to take the shot. I have no fucking clue how to sufficiently describe the plot. It's a fantasy with Alice in Wonderland elements blended into a story whose themes focus on existential crises and the protagonist's self-worth and how he diminishes it by disguising his lack of worth as selflessness and heroism. Also a lot of hot women (Charlotte Baskerville my beloved). Cast is generally white and there's a short arc with a rather racist depiction of a Chinese man, but for what it's worth it doesn't last long and isn't Black Butler levels of Chinese Orientalism.

The Case Study of Vanitas: same manga-ka as Pandora Hearts, but its anime is so far fairly decent and faithful to the source material. Features steampunk 19th century France in a world that coexists with vampires with great hostility and fear. If Pandora Hearts focuses on existential crises and self-worth, Vanitas focuses on survivor's guilt and concepts of found family. A vampire reviled by their own kind creates a book capable of corrupting vampires' true names and making them go berserk. The book inexplicably falls into the hands of a human boasting the same name as that vampire - Vanitas. He is a fucked up little man really. The protagonist Noé is a black man but he suffers from the typical "dark skin white hair" trope. But his design aside he's an incredible protagonist and lovingly written and I'd commit violence for him.

Are You Alice?: Alice in Wonderland meta-manga(?) . I love it. Couldn't fucking tell you what the fuck happened without giving an essay though. Just. "You're Alice, he's Alice, I'M ALICE. ARE THERE ANY OTHER ALICES I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?" *the screams of several agonised souls cry out in response*. That's it that's the manga.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War: absolute batshit comedy series about two characters that like each other but adamantly refuse to be the first to admit it and keep trying charm the other into confessing first. Sheer madness. Watch in dub for full effect.

#real talk with dani

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dreamofmysoul-tsc · 3 years

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Elias Carstairs, Matthew Fairchild, and the Disease of Alcoholism

I’m very nervous about posting this but I think it’s important.

Now before you guys scroll past this post, I’m gonna ask that whoever may read this take some time to hear from my perspective. I would like to preface this by saying that I do not know, nor am I claiming to know, what it’s like to face racism and prejudice everyday, nor do I know what it was like to be queer in a time that was less than accepting and terribly cruel to LGBTQIA+ folks. I will not be speaking about either of those things here, as it is not my place to. However, I do know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. I do know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent and I have seen what addiction does to a person and their family firsthand.

Final disclaimer, I am in no way trying to attack or target anybody. All I am doing is providing my own perspective when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elias Carstairs and the differing opinions I have seen in regards to Matthew. I would also like to state that my experiences are my own, and are in no way reflective of every addicts’ experience or the experiences of their children/loved ones. Addiction affects everybody differently.

I am also not a psychologist or a doctor; everything stated below are my personal experiences as a child of an alcoholic.

Now let’s get started.

CW for alcoholism, substance abuse, abuse in general, and death

Elias

When I first started Chain of Gold I didn’t anticipate how much I was going to relate to Alastair. Honestly, I didn’t have strong opinions about him either way; I didn’t hate him, but I didn’t love him either. That was until it was revealed why Elias was sick all the time, and what really happened during his mission. I have never seen alcoholism portrayed in a novel ever. I’m sure there are novels which talk about it out there, but I have never come across one. And for the first time in my life, I felt like somebody understood. There are countless characters in The Shadowhunter Chronicles who have touched my heart, but I will forever be grateful to Alastair and Cassandra Clare for making me feel like I didn’t have to hide anymore, that I was allowed to talk about my father’s alcoholism. Because for 18 years, it had been my secret. For my mother, it had been even longer.

My father has been an alcoholic for my entire life. I’m sure this is common sense for most people, but an alcoholic cannot be a 100% good and supportive parent. Those two things do not mix. Most alcoholics are alcoholics because of shame, pain, or other mental health problems that they have not sought therapy for. I would also like to say that alcoholism is a disease. It physically alters the brain to make the addict believe that they need to drink just as much as they need to eat or sleep. When you are constantly drunk, it can increase stress or anxiety in everyday life and leaves the addict at risk of developing depression if it was not already there. Many alcoholics suffer with depression, general low self esteem, or various other mental health problems before abusing alcohol; these problems are then exacerbated with daily alcohol consumption.

My father never abused us, mentally, physically, etc, and he never has. He carries a lot of mental pain and shame with him, which he has continually refused to seek help for. He drinks because he does not like himself; he feels that he isn’t deserving of help. He feels like he messes everything up. And as a child, I used to make excuses for him. “Well, he never hurts us, so what’s the problem?” “It doesn’t affect his work, so what’s the problem?” I was naive then. No matter how “functioning” they may seem, an alcoholic cannot live a completely healthy, happy, and fulfilling life if they drink everyday, even if it seemingly doesn’t affect their work lives. Alcoholics are very good at hiding their addiction. I cried when Cordelia described finding bottles in odd places, or when Alastair described how he tried everything in his power to hide it from his sister and their community. I used to find beer cans stashed under the kitchen sink. Sometimes I’d find them in the spice cabinet. I don’t like inviting friends to my house because I can never be sure if my dad will be 100% sober. I didn’t want people to see him that way. I don’t want to see him that way.

I have seen a decent amount of posts on various platforms of people wishing Elias dead or wanting him to be completely x-ed out of Alastair and Cordelia’s lives. And while I totally understand the protectiveness many people feel toward Alastair and Cordelia whenever their father is involved (I love them to pieces, too), as somebody who is a child of an alcoholic, I do not and would never wish my father dead. The thought of it makes me sick. Thus far, we know very little about Elias and his personality. We don’t know if he has ever physically harmed Alastair or Sona. This is not to invalidate mental or emotional abuse either, which are just as terrible. And while he does seem to be biased towards Cordelia, which in and of itself isn’t fair, there has been little evidence to show that Elias is violent or abusive. Of course Chain of Iron could prove me wrong, but as of now, I don’t want to immediately assume that Elias is abusive. Alcoholism does not equal abuse, although alcohol can be an expedient to violence. I do not want to invalidate the Carstairs’ experience if that is the case, but I do not want to jump to conclusions either. Of course you can call me lucky because my father has never harmed us in any way. But personally, I find that insulting. When a parent is an addict, regardless of whether or not they harm their children or how involved they are in their child’s life, they will end up leaving their child with mental scars whether it was intentional or not. My father’s addiction and the addictions of countless others cannot be measured on a scale. Addiction hurts everybody it touches, no matter how normal the addict may seem to the rest of the world.

I know this Elias section is already so long, but I have a bit more to say before I move on to Matthew. Alcoholics make choices, many of them poor choices. They decide whether or not to seek help. They decide to drink another beer. They decide to drive drunk, even if their child is in the car with them. It is a disease which completely takes over every single part of their life. And while it negatively affects their lives and the lives of their loved ones, that does not mean that they are undeserving of help. Any addict, whether they’re addicted to alcohol or heroin or cigarettes, anything at all, needs help. And they most definitely should not be mocked or attacked for their addiction or their attempts to get help for it. Regardless of whether or not they are in recovery or in the thick of their addiction, there is absolutely no reason to mock them. There is no reason to tell them to “just quit drinking.” There is no reason to call them a “junkie” or a “drunk,” no matter what stage of their addiction or recovery process they are in.

I am in no way excusing Elias’ behavior just as I in no way excuse my father’s behavior. He [Elias] needs to be punished for showing up to a mission drunk and consequently being unable to keep those four Shadowhunters from dying. He needs to apologize to his children. He needs to apologize to his wife. And he needs to recover. Addiction is an ugly, ugly thing. It never just affects the addict. It leaves their loved ones with scars, whether they’re mental of physical. Personally, I can’t stand the sound of metal beer or soda cans being cracked open anymore. I’m terrified of getting married. I can never feel 100% comfortable or safe around drunk people. I refuse to drink. I don’t like thinking about how the only time my dad has been 100% sober was when we visited my grandparents for a week and he had no opportunity to slip away to buy alcohol. I don’t like thinking about how my mother has had to deal with this for decades. I want my mother to be happier. But I also want my dad to recover. Living with an alcoholic isn’t black and white; I don’t hate my dad. I hate his addiction. I love him. He’s my dad. I don’t like seeing him that way. I know Alastair doesn’t like seeing his father that way either. But no matter how much you scream or cry or fight with somebody, people will not change unless they themselves want to.

Matthew

This section will be much more brief because many of my thoughts surrounding Matthew are similar to my thoughts surrounding Elias. I would like to touch on two things, however.

I have seen people talking about Matthew, or more specifically Matthew’s friends, saying that they don’t understand why they [The Merry Thieves and Co] seem to be ignoring Matthew’s alcoholism or aren’t doing anything about it even if they do realize he has problems with alcohol. Part of it is because of historical context; alcoholism wasn’t considered a disease until very recently, and the beliefs that alcoholics can either a) stop drinking whenever they want or b) are abusive, useless members of society still persist to this day. But the other, bigger part of it is relatively simple: people won’t change unless they believe they can change. Addicts need to want to change in order to begin the recovery process. You can’t force them to. If their heart isn’t in it, they’ll attend therapy or AA meetings a couple times to appease you, and then they will start drinking/using again. Or they’ll lie to you even more, telling you that they did attend a meeting or a therapy session when in reality they bought another pack of beer. Matthew will not seek help unless he believes wholeheartedly that he can change. He needs to believe that he is worthy of change and he needs to truly want to get better in order to begin to make significant improvements in his life. Of course relapses will happen, but the point is that he wants to improve his life. He wants to recover. No matter how much James or Thomas or Cordelia or Lucie tell him to change, no matter how much they want him to get better, he simply will not unless he wants to. It hurts. It really does. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You can love somebody so, so much, but your love is not going to make them better. Your love will not magically make their addiction go away. To reiterate what I said about Elias earlier, you can scream and cry and fight and give them all of the love until you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t want help, they will not seek it out. Matthew needs help, but more importantly, he needs to come to the realization that he is deserving of that help. He is deserving of a successful recovery. Every addict is.

Lastly, there is something about Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship that has never sat right with me. Children of alcoholics are statistically more likely to get into a relationship or marry an alcoholic because it’s what feels “normal” to us. And while I have always wanted Matthew and Cordelia to become friends, part of this is the reason why I don’t want them to have a romantic relationship. I don’t want Cordelia to have to continue that cycle, never able to escape the effects of addiction. I want Matthew to focus on himself. I want him to recover. I want his friends to support him. I want both Matthew and Elias to have a successful recovery, because the amount of addicts who die from their disease every year is staggering and upsetting. Of course Matthew is deserving of love, but he needs to focus on recovering, both from his addiction and his trauma, before he puts all of his energy into a romantic relationship.

----------

Overall, I want Alastair to have time to be himself, to not have to carry the weight of his father’s addiction on his shoulders. I want Elias to recover and to apologize for how he has hurt his family, whether it was intentional or not. I want Matthew to forgive himself and to realize that he deserves to take up space in this world just as we all do. And I ask that you, whoever may be reading this, to try to feel a little more compassion for these characters and addicts you may know or meet in your life. Or to put yourself in their shoes and the shoes of their loved ones. We should not be mocking them, or hurting them, and we certainly should not be wishing death upon them. There are far, far too many addicts who have died because of their disease and their mental pain. When dealing with addicts or the loved ones of addicts, I ask that you try to support them and encourage them to seek help, whether it’s therapy or AA or any number of support groups. The effects of alcoholism and drug addiction will stick with the addict in recovery and their loved ones for the rest of their lives. Some days will be harder than others. But the important part is that, when those hard days come, they have a support system of therapists, family, friends, even people online to remind them why they are in recovery and to encourage them and their progress, no matter how small. An addict in recovery, no matter how slow or fast their progress may seem, is better than an addict who has died because they never sought out the help they desperately needed.

If you read through this entire thing, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read through my personal experience. This topic is very important to me, and while I’m relatively new to tumblr, I still felt the need and the obligation to share my perspective. I’m not trying to sway your opinion of Matthew or Elias, just to maybe make some people think about this complex issue. If you aren’t a fan of either of them, that’s totally fine. If anything, what I would like you to take away from this is to be more aware of alcoholism and its effects. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. I will be providing resources below if you or a loved one needs addiction counseling or help, or if you simply would like to learn more about this. If you have anything to add to this, would like to share your opinion, or have a question for me, feel free to reblog or message me in my ask box. Please be respectful, y’all! This is a sensitive topic and it affects everybody differently; I want this to be a civil discussion, not a witch hunt.

Thank you very much for reading and considering my point of view.

Resources:

What is Alcohol Use Disorder?

SAMHSA (a helpline)

Alcohol Rehab Guide (this website also includes educational resources and a helpline)

Substance Abuse Helplines and Treatment Programs

How Parental Alcoholism Affects Children

#tsc #tlh #matthew fairchild #elias carstairs #personal #just wanted to get my opinion out there #this has been nagging at me for a while #thanks for reading #this is as personal as im ever gonna get with yall i promise

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ownedbybooks · 2 years

Text

End of Year Reading Tag 📚

I was tagged on my main account by @therefugeofbooks so I thought "what a better way to start my new bookblr blog, then through my 2021 readings?". Thanks for the tag, Caah! <3

Let's go to the questions:

did you reach your reading goal for the year (if you had one)?

No, I didn't :( But I almost reached it! My goal was to read 55 books and I finished 2021 by reading 44 books. I was happy, though, because I've read 40+ books!

what are your top 3 books you read this year?

The Song of Achilles, by Madeline Miller;

La vie devant soi, by Romain Gary;

Time's Divide, by Rysa Walker.

what’s a book that you didn’t expect to enjoy quite so much going in?

Proteja-me, by Mila Wander & Josy Stoque. It was clearly from the beginning that it was a more madure and erotic book. And even though i like the spicy scenes, till this book I haven't found one that had a really good plot, characters and writing. So I started reading it with precaution, knowing it was going to be hard to me to like it. But, surprisingly, IT WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED. The writing was great, the characters had depth, the plot was more than the "i want to fuck her/him", it had drama, it discussed important topics, it had emotional growth, the majority of the female characters respected each other (even though they might despise each other at some points). Great, great, great reading!

were there any books that didn’t live up to your expectations?

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, by Robert Louis Stevenson. I think that great part was from the fact that I already knew major spoilers about it, because of pop culture references. But still, I was hoping I was going to enjoy the read a bit more.

did you reread any old faves? If so, which one was your favourite?

I did reread some books, but none were previously my favourites. I don't even know if I can considere one of them my favourite rereads of 2021 ahhahah Maybe Glass Sword, by @vaveyard since I decided to finish the whole series and for that I needed to reread the first 2 volumes :)

did you dnf any books?

Only the ones I couldn't finish before the new year arrived (but spoiler: i already finished one of them):

Making and Breaking the Grid: A Graphic Design Layout Workshop, by Timothy Samara;

Broken Throne, by @vaveyard

did you read any books outside your usual preferred genre(s)?

Even though I LOVE Historical Romance movies and tv shows, I'm not very used to it as a book genre.

So, after binge watching the first whole season of Bridgerton on 2020, I decided to read the first book of the series: The Duke and I, by Julia Queen. I thought it was okay (apart from a specific scene), but still I feel I'm not 100% used to this genre.

what was your predominant format this year?

Well… e-book and digital reading. Even thought I've read a lot of physical books, e-book was 50% of my most read format.

what’s the longest book you read this year?

Horror Clássico, a 3-in-1 ebook: it has together Frankenstein, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Dracula. I am now considering myself an gothic literature affectionate hahhaha

what are your top 3 anticipated 2022 releases?

I'm not much in touch with releases… So I don't know…

what books from your tbr did you not get to this year, but are excited to read in 2022?

I don't normally do TBRs, only during read-a-thons. But I'm going to answer this question based on my "Want to Read" pile from Goodreads (which for me is kinda like a TBR):

Oscar et la dame rose, by Éric-Emmanuel Schmitt;

The Mirror & the Light, Hilary Mantel (I have even already bought it!);

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, by Suzanne Collins;

Clockwork Angel, by Cassandra Clare;

The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien

#bookblr #end of the year book tag #tags #booklover #books #bookworld #reading #bookworm #bibliophile #book tag

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glowcrizzle · 4 years

Audio

Today is the 1 year AO3 anniversary of Slow Show by @mia-ugly. I am beyond grateful that this experience (and it is an experience) has existed in my life for a year and felt it needed commemorating. 🎂

I’m not a creator but I made this playlist for me, so I could take the fic with me, have it with my eyes closed, while driving -- you get it. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it.

It’s a. It’s a lot. Excessive you might even say. Tumblr will only give you the first 100 songs in this, so, Spotify will fulfill you (or overwhelm you). If you hit my username on the playlist, there are separate playlists for each chapter.

This is also on Apple Music, if that’s your jam, just hit me up and I’ll send you the link.

🎉 Happy Slow Show Day!! 🎉

13 pages of track-lists and excerpts below the cut. Godspeed! 💙

Key:

Songs from Mia’s soundtrack

Songs from the Fic

--Title--

Slow Show – The National

--Prequel--

Loverman – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Devils – Say Hi

--Chapter 1--

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake

bad guy – Billie Eilish

-trash a set and shag your husband

Something About You (ODESZA Remix) – Hayden James

-what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down

A Little Wicked – Valerie Broussard

-The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple

You Light Me Up In the Dark – The Hounds Below

-His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever.

Lazarus – David Bowie

-This could be a problem

--Chapter 2--

Unsteady – X Ambassadors

-much easier than talking about the way his heartbeat is still racing

Heart of a Dog – The Kills

-Call me darling again.

The Twilight Hour - Still Corners

-Looked across the set and thought, Ah fuck me. I’m in love with him.

God’s Mistake – Tears for Fears

-Avery: He’s closed his eyes again, mouth going flat and still.

Lounge Act – Nirvana

-Tell her all the terrible things I want to do to her husband

Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie

-There’s a strange urgency tonight, though, and Crowley can guess why.

Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys

-What could it hurt?

Clueless – The Marias

-“Better - yeah. ‘S late.”

Motel – Meg Myers

-The hotel room is another disaster

--Chapter 3--

Alone in a Room – Asking Alexandria

-“I’m having a moment here!”

Since You’ve Been Around – Rosie Thomas

-makes Crowley feel like he can breathe again

Home Again – The Disco Biscuits

-It’s starting to feel like home again

Every Other Freckle – alt-J

-Perfect. Ridiculous and impossible and perfect.

Something For the Longing – The Orchids

As Far As I Can See – Phantogram

-it’s been a really, really long time

Sinister Kid – The Black Keys

-“Mothering buggering shit-”

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

-Crowley fists one of his hands against his forehead, shuts his eyes tightly.

--Chapter 4--

I Like Me Better – Lauv

-I liked the outline of your face under the stagelights

I Do This for You (ft. Marlene) – Giorgio Moroder

-“Let me see what I can do. About your precious Hamlet.”

The Longing – Imelda May

-Avery POV: “Look at him like - like - you can’t let him see the way you look at him.”

Just a Man – Los Lobos

-Avery POV: like he’s being led into battle and not onto a set to do the job he loves

World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode

-wants to make that bastard purr

Tired (ft. Gavin James) – Alan Walker

-Let me be a magpie for you

Blow My Mind – The Benjamin Gate

-Avery: “I know you now.”

Breathe You in My Dreams – Trixie Whitley

-Crowley’s seen that expression on Avery’s face in his dreams

Love Me Like That (ft. Carly Rae Jepsen) – The Knocks

-What have I done to - oh. Oh. Right.

Like Real People Do - Hozier

-“Sure, angel, what- whatever.”

Clearly – Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley waits for the rest of the night.

Gwendel – PeelsDeen

-Az sits in the back seat, away from Crowley. Alone.

Now I’m In It – HAIM

-Avery POV: It’s a look like an open grave, a look like desire tempered with grief…

Flesh for Fantasy – Billy Idol

-Crowley isn’t lonely for the rest of the night

--Chapter 5 (Avery POV)--

Smalltown Boy – Rosborough

-1978, Hartlepool

Bright Horses – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

-1986, Newcastle Upon Tyne

The Runner – Foals

-1991, Bristol

Shock To Your System – Tegan and Sara

-Tracy: “Why d’you let them?”

Cracking Codes – Andrew Bird

-“Forever, of course. I’ll never -”

Colour me In – Damien Rice

-Their fingers - just touch. Slightly.

I’m Not in Love – 10cc

-Less to regret by not ever speaking of it.

--Chapter 6--

Electric Current – Lower Dens

-“I’ll let you know when you find it.”

Guess I Miss(ed) You – The Daylights

-Keep talking, keep him here a little while longer.

Reflecting Light – Sam Phillips

-“don’t meet his eyes like that, it looks like it’s a lead-in to a kiss”

King of Pain – The Police

-a good reminder of the kind of life he’s got to live

I Wanna Get Better – The Bleachers

-and Avery’s gaze is so gentle it hurts a bit

Feather – X Ambassadors

-Avery: “Someone has to”

Darker Side - Jonny Lang

-Avery: “Oh - good Lord.”

Firestone (Acoustic) – Conrad Sewell

-“Will you show me?”

Velvet Gloves and Spit - Timber Timbre

-“Anthony - ”

Wrong – Depeche Mode

-Avery: “I have to go.”

F**k it I love you – Lana Del Rey

-“Not your fault, angel”

--Chapter 7--

Somebody to Love – Queen

Heavenly – Cigarettes After Sex

-“I fucking still.”

Will Do - TV on the Radio

-“You too. I’ll see you there.”

Monster – Colours

-No wonder Avery ran off like a thief after a heist

Swallow My Pride – Ramones

-“I feel fucking ill about it.”

I Was Wrong - The Oh Hellos

-Avery: “I’m the one who has to apologize, not you.”

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret – Queens of the Stone Age

-Avery: “Please don’t tell anyone”

Wait for Me – Kings of Leon

-Avery: “Right now, I’m just - a bit in pieces.”

Don’t Stay – X Ambassadors

-“You can - stay or leave or - whatever you like.”

The Moth - Aimee Mann

-Avery’s eyes meet his, and then it’s like a car accident

Red Door – Julien Baker

-“I can - I can wait longer.”

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

-“I wasn’t apologizing for that. This morning. I won’t.”

Come Down to Me – Saving Jane

-Avery: “You were wonderful”

Secret Smile – Semisonic

-And if sometimes he catches Az watching him between takes

I Want More - KALEO

-Az laces both of their hands together, stares at them.

I’m Gonna Do My Thing – Royal Deluxe

-“So don’t tell me what will hurt me. I know what hurts.”

--Chapter 8--

Perfect Day – Lou Reed

Remember to Breathe – Sturgil Simpson

-“You can’t sit in the car all night you absolute nightmare”

Wild Love (Acoustic) – James Bay

-The two of them stare at each other and then both look away awkwardly.

Seasons – Future Islands

-finally, fucking finally, he’s exactly where he wants to be

Closer – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “if you like”

I Want All of You – The Verve Pipe

-“If you think I can survive this without looking at you -”

Use Me – Miguel

-whatever he sees in Crowley’s face makes him come to some sort of decision

So Much Love – Depeche Mode

-Love, he said love

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You – Bill Ryder-Jones

-I know you, Crowley wants to say, but doesn’t.

Become My Dream – Silya & The Sailors

-“Even if - anything, angel.”

I Belong In Your Arms – Chairlift

-For nearly two weeks it goes like this.

Faster - Matt Nathanson

-“You’re going to fucking kill me, angel -”

Come Together (feat. Sivu) – LAUREL

-In case you think they don’t wake up together

The High – Kelela

-Az has pulled a stool over to the edge of the tub

Just in Time – Valerie June

-Then Az’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

I Can’t Take It – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “Don’t rush, just - like this.”

Like This – Jake Scott

-Avery murmurs and it takes Crowley back to their first kiss

Terrible Love – The National

-Flinches away from him.

Help You Out - Emarosa

-And he nods.

--Chapter 9--

I Remember You – Ramones

-The first person Crowley loved was a liar.

Brighter Skies - Race Banyon

-As if they were cut with a jigsaw, as if they were meant to fit.

Not Tonight – Tegan and Sara

-When they reach the edge of the city, his hand slides out of Crowley’s.

As Sure as I Am – Crowded House

-So Crowley kisses him.

A Promise – Miriam Makeba

-And for awhile, he believed her.

Mistaken for Strangers – The National

-They’re only two small words, but they still make Crowley’s teeth ache.

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen

-“Good-“ Swallow, speak, leave.

The Fear – Pulp

-Crowley should have been smarter this time. He really should have been.

Take Me – Leela James

-“I’d like you to close your blinds.”

Whenever You Want It – Clare Maguire

-“What do we do now?”

At My Weakest – James Arthur

-“It will be.”

Komm zurück - Fotos

-For years and years and years, nothing did.

Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson

-their feet sliding in the tub

Lay Down – Sarah Proctor

-I want to wake up with you.

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

-Why is my heart breaking?

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues

-Just pump that shit straight into his veins.

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – Ella Fitzgerald

-Avery: “What do you think?”

We’re Gonna Have A Real Good Time Together – The Velvet Underground

-“You want to grab dinner somewhere?”

Hiding – IAN SWEET

-Crowley stops walking. Looks at Az in the darkness.

Romance Dawn – Radkey

-A slice of light cuts through the darkness.

Crown of Love – Arcade Fire

-Crowley feels like the world has never been darker, and his heart will never stop beating

Devil’s Backbone – The Civil Wars

-He thought he was ready for this conversation, but at the sight of Az’s face, his throat has gotten too tight to speak.

Sinners – Lauren Aquilina

-“If this all goes down in flames, if it all falls apart - we can go off together.”

Please Forgive Me (Song of the Crow) – William Fitzsimmons

-Avery: “It’s over. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

Start a War – The National

-He twitches and trips and yet somehow manages to walk away without falling over.

Broken – Daley

-And this soft heartache was somehow the sharpest of them all.

--Chapter 10 (Avery POV)--

Daily Battles - Thom Yorke & Flea

-He tries to remember these things - but the background is still a chorus of beeping machines. There’s nowhere he can be but here.

Everybody Wants You - Red Hearse

-Go out and surround himself with people much more interesting and available than Avery. Better people, certainly.

A Thin Line – Blackchords

-But still - roads not taken, and other fun middle-aged spirals.

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

-When was the last time someone asked Avery that? When was the last time he asked himself?

Who Am I - NEEDTOBREATHE

-I miss you. There. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would.

Wait for Me - Jack Curley

-What he wants to say is ‘don’t find someone else. Not yet. You and your black leather and your cut-glass profile: you’re gorgeous and God knows other people want you.’

Coming & Going – Amaal

-“Two ships passing in the night,” he says quietly. Then he takes a swallow of wine, lets it roll down his throat. “If you were here -”

Iron - Woodkid

-Crowley leaves him there, pressed against the wet brick wall. Crowley leaves him there. Crowley steps between Avery and a camera, and then leaves him.

The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

-He can’t be the person that kicks Crowley into the ashes again. He can’t hurt him like this, and Avery’s going to hurt him - he already has.

No Right to Love You – Rhys Lewis

-He deserves someone like - like Daniel. Deserves to be loved in the daylight.

If It’s Hurting You - Robbie Williams

-Time is a tricky business when you’re dying slowly; it skips like a flat stone on a quiet lake.

Happy For You – Gayle

-But surely - surely he’s allowed just this much. Just one message, just so Crowley knows that - that he’s happy for him. That Avery is so happy.

I See You (ICU) - Phoebe Bridgers

-When Avery sees Crowley on the red carpet, it feels like the sudden remembrance of a lovely dream.

Once In My Life - The Decemberists

-Crowley: “I know there’ve been some - hard times. That’s - that is what it is. But for me - it’s been a privilege. A dream. So.” He nods and nods and nods again. “Thank you.”

Coming Down - Dum Dum Girls

-Tracy: “But I wasn’t. I was hurting you. This whole time, Az.” She shakes her head, wiping frantically at tears that won’t stop falling. “He loves you.”

I Don’t Know Anything – Little Voice Cast

-He’s afraid of finding out that all this time - he was doing the wrong thing anyway. He’s afraid that Anthony Crowley will never talk to him again.

Sweet Sour - Band of Skulls

-"And you're fired"

Heart Attack - Devarrow

-The sun is still rising when Avery gets out of the car, closes the door behind him. Though some of the roads have changed, his feet still know the way down to the docks of his youth. He was never a sailor, but the shoreline is familiar as a childhood sweetheart, as a long lost love.

Landslide - Robyn Sherwell

-He’s alone, and he’s nearly fifty years old. He could get on a ship, he could throw himself into the sea. There’s no one holding him back anymore.

All I Can - Sharon van Etten

-And he knows. He knows.

--Chapter 11--

Salvation - The Strumbellas

- there’s a moment where he swears he sees a young idiot in black standing in the crowd. Red hair gelled up into spikes, black t-shirt full of holes and safety pins. A young man who has no idea how much he’s about to lose.

Soldier - Fleurie

-And he’s still fucking here.

Easier – Mansionair

-Then he gets the fuck above ground and he calls Beez (oh great, they’re his emotional-support-asshole now. That’s healthy).

Deep End – Holly Humberstone

-“I brought you cheese,” Beez says, and Crowley starts crying.

Falling Short – Lapsley

-For the next few days, he lets his stupid body do what it needs to do to keep himself upright.

Chariot (Stripped Version) - Gavin DeGraw

-Shit, this was a bad bad idea.

Quiet Light - The National

-There’s a text from Az later that night, and his name on Crowley’s phone makes him feel like jumping off a cliff.

All That We Had is Lost - Postiljonen

-He’s not allowed to be in love with that man anymore. Wasn’t ever, really.

Heal - Tom Odell

-It makes a rather hysterical laugh well out of his throat. Anthony fucking Crowley. You are still alive.

Let Me Go - HAIM

-Crowley tries to ignore the soft, injured expression on the other man’s face as he turns away.

A Beginning Song - The Decemberists

-“What’s more frightening than having a choice?”

The Spark - William Prince

-And he likes to think he would have just burned the world to ashes with the power of his love, would have said fuck everyone, I choose you – but who knows.

Sharp Scratch - The Slow Show

-So stupid, I know, and I’m - sorry, I still love you and I’m tryin’ to stop and I will I just - needed to tell you that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Just miss you.

Beautiful & Brutal – Plested

-Crowley moves without thinking. Falls like a stagelight, glass everywhere. He walks forward and is kissing Az before the door has even been pulled shut.

Bad Chemistry - Fake Shark

-“I’ve been - thinking about this -” Az says between darts of his tongue against Crowley’s overheated skin.

All We Do – Oh Wonder

-“But I - I love you. And I can’t - hide. It hurts too much.”

Broken Strings - James Morrison (ft Nelly Furtado)

-“I wouldn’t survive it. That way it was. I wouldn’t.”

Stole the Show – Parson James

-But even on their distant shores, Crowley and Az don’t stop looking at each other. It feels like an ending. Maybe it is one. Not a happy ending, but not a bad one either.

Level Up - Vienna Teng

-excerpt from Anthony Crowley: Out of the shadows, under the spotlight

The Wire (Alternate Version) – Patrick Droney

-Avery: “I’m rather in - in love with you.”

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison

-“You can stay at my place. If you like.”

Falling in Love - Cigarettes After Sex

-“I love you. I’ve missed you, and I love you, and I want you -”

Stay - Cat Power

-He watches the slow flicker of awareness in Avery’s blue eyes. The curve of his mouth into a shade of smile that Crowley’s never seen before.

Freedom - George Michael

-“To the world.”

--Chapter 12--

Banks - NEEDTOBREATHE

-What he wasn’t used to was bringing someone else down with him, and jail would be a bloody blessing compared to seeing Az grey-faced and staring out windows, or that one time Crowley’s pretty sure the man was crying in the bathroom, trying to swallow down the sound so that Crowley didn’t notice (he clenches his hands into fists just thinking about it).

Black Mambo - Glass Animals

-“It’ll have to be.” Crowley drops to his knees. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.”

Florets - Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley can let his fingers curl against Az’s palm, can watch him open as a flame, not caring who notices.

Sight of the Sun - fun.

-That this longing won’t destroy him, and won’t destroy Az either. It’s not a shovel for burying Crowley alive - it’s a spade for planting things.

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

-Az drops his hand onto Crowley’s knee (“What is this song? I rather like it.”).

Only Everything (Acoustic) – Quinn Lewis

-“It’s nice to have someone make it for you, right? Sometimes,” Crowley says softly, too much love in his throat and in his hands. It’s hard to breathe around it, especially when Avery is looking at him.

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

-“You bought a cottage for us.” Crowley is an animal being taught to speak through scraps of meat and electric shocks. “This cottage.”

Say You’ll Be Mine – Christopher Cross

-Avery: “But if you wanted -” Fuck, there are tears in Avery’s eyes. “If you want. I’d like to call you my husband. I’d like to say ‘let me ask my husband,’ or ‘I brought my husband with me’ or ‘my husband won a BAFTA’.”

Anthem - Leonard Cohen

-Their broken edges match. And somehow, the light still shines through.

Precious Love – James Morrison

-When the light catches them both, they shine. And so do you. So do we.

Good Man (acoustic) - Josh Ritter

If you made it this far...wow, hi hello. So, this is ours and my musical exposure is limited, if you’ve got a better song for an excerpt, feel free to shoot it over, more than happy for this to be a living changeable thing. 🤡

#slow show #slow show playlist #tumblr html code after read more is some bullshit #it's fic for your ears

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