#ANY overlap would be appropriative does more harm than good | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bigskydreaming · 3 years

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I am looking (disrespectfully) at the trope of Bruce and other family members only seeming to respect Dick’s wishes when doing so aligns with what they already wanted to do.

Let’s go to the examples!

1) Bruce not broaching adoption with Dick because he wants to respect Dick’s first parents and feels like he would be taking their place or overstepping or putting himself in between Dick and his memories of his parents. Sometimes its cited that Dick himself expressed this wish early on after his parents died, sometimes its not and this is still just upheld as Bruce’s reasoning for not adopting Dick before he was already well into adulthood.

THE FATAL FLAW (in mine own personal opinion, natch. Personal mileage may vary, check your speedometer to be safe):

This particular plot point or tangle is in my experience ALWAYS paired with Bruce’s own insecurities about his role in Dick’s life, or not wanting to push that or receive an answer he doesn’t want to or is afraid to hear. Sometimes its about his fears of unworthiness to be Dick’s actual parent, etc, etc. But the bottom line is, there is always the presence of SOME element (and not a small one) in which Bruce’s own self-interest or feelings are protected by him NOT broaching the adoption conversation with Dick and having to confront these fears head on.

This is additionally juxtaposed with the problem that although there’s a lot of variance in regards to stories where Bruce fired Dick versus stories where Dick gave up being Robin and moved on to Nightwing voluntarily....there’s NOT a lot of stories where Dick makes Jason Robin himself or is asked by Bruce first. The part where Bruce takes this initiative on his own, without thinking through its repercussions on Dick emotionally.....this is practically always present.

Now, the problem here is that......Dick became or began becoming Robin well into his time with Bruce. Its frequently cited as the thing that began allowing them to truly connect, their time training and acting as Batman and Robin.

Meaning no matter WHAT interpretation you go with as to why specifically Dick chose the name Robin, whether it was a family nickname or an homage to Robin Hood.....the fact remains, NOTHING of Robin, THEMATICALLY, nothing that spoke to Dick in regards to what he wanted Robin to be - specifically in honor of his parents because avenging his parents and making sure what happened to them didn’t happen to others like, this was literally a key part of what bonded Dick and Bruce, the fact that Bruce was TRYING to help Dick specifically BECAUSE they shared this particular overlap of purpose - like the bottom line is, nothing about Robin CAME from Bruce. Or Dick’s feelings about Bruce. That....didn’t really even exist yet, at the time he created Robin. Everything about Robin, other than the physical costume itself, not even the design just the actual creation of it....all of that came from BEFORE he met Bruce. None of it was thoughts or feelings derived from BRUCE. Its the whole reason Dick was never Batkid or Batlad, or any derivative of Batman.

It all, ALL came from what Dick came to the manor WITH. Remnants of his life with his first family.

So the fatal flaw of Bruce’s reasoning that by not broaching the subject of adoption with Dick before well into adulthood, he was actually just respecting Dick’s relationship with his first parents and not trying to come between them and Dick’s memories and feelings about them....

All of this is inherently undermined by Bruce’s own actions.....when by repurposing Robin to ANY degree, even just to give the mantle to Jason.....this meant that he was inherently viewing Robin as being more about being Batman’s partner, HIS partner....then it was about being Dick’s heritage, his last intangible keepsake of his first family and life BEFORE Bruce.

In effect....Bruce making Jason Robin or firing Dick as Robin, either way....both betray Bruce’s OWN alleged intentions for only wanting to respect Dick’s relationship with his parents, and that being why he didn’t want to overstep by trying to impose or even ask for his own official parent/child relationship with Dick. Because that’s exactly what appropriating the Robin mantle was. It was Bruce ignoring the relationship Dick had with his parents and their memory and the fact that Robin was directly born of that....and making Robin entirely about Bruce’s OWN relationship with Dick, heedless of any other factors.

And the second Bruce did that.....his entire justification for not raising the adoption issue....disappears. It goes away. Because you can’t claim inaction being just a result of not wanting to disrespect something you’ve already voided respect for. No matter whether Bruce INTENDED it or not.....by crossing this boundary, Bruce already acted against Dick’s feelings in this regard and well, disregarded them....which makes claims of Bruce not raising the adoption issue pretty much JUST self-serving at that point. Its an alleged viewpoint of Dick’s that Bruce largely just ASSUMES....and only ultimately respects - in direct contrast to how he didn’t respect the associations Dick had with Robin - because it aligns with something Bruce ALREADY wanted to do, rather than what Dick actually wanted. It provided justification for Bruce to just....not have a conversation he was afraid to have. And that’s about Bruce at that point. Its not about Dick. Its just like...not.

2) Another example of this that is not unique to just Bruce, but recurs frequently in both canon and fanfics in Dick’s dynamics with other characters he’s close with.....is characters not apologizing for things they’ve done to Dick or raising the issue of things they did a long time ago but never apologized for....while claiming to do so because they thought DICK didn’t want to talk about it.

THE FATAL FLAW (in my own personal opinion. Nuances and variations may not be identical at all store locations, please see your local branch for details):

The particular problem I have here is that....Dick never ever ever in the history of ever and also the before ever time.....has EVER expressed a desire to avoid confrontation.

Like. That’s what he DOES. That’s his JAM. That’s literally CITED time and time again as one of the reasons he’s viewed as more of a people person and natural team leader than Bruce and other Batfam members....because he’s not afraid to cut straight (or bi) to the heart of the matter and air out a dispute.

In fact, this very character trait is one of the ones most commonly utilized AGAINST Dick in various depictions of him, as he’s often cited as TOO confrontational, TOO eager for a fight or conflict especially when his temper is engaged, such as when he’s well....personally hurt or offended.

So how does it follow, then, that avoiding tough conversations ONLY when its on the OTHER person to INITIATE, because they were the ones who DID the wrong-doing and Dick the subject of that rather than the instigator....how does it work, exactly, that these are the only times in which we DON’T tend to see a direct conversation about the harms done and the fallout that resulted? With it being claimed that this is solely for Dick’s benefit, out of a desire to avoid pulling him into an allegedly unnecessary (but really just unpleasant) confrontation?

When the concurrent reality is that whether stated or acknowledged or not.....avoiding these specific conversations and ONLY these conversations (as there never seems to be a problem finding canon or fanfic stories in which Dick apologizes for harm HE’S caused to others or is clearly expected to).....this avoidance also carries the side benefit of allowing the character who DID something wrong to Dick to....not ever have to have that super uncomfortable conversation in which they actually verbally acknowledge the thing they did to him and the effects it had on him, and apologize for that.....and then render themselves vulnerable to actually hearing whether or not he accepts their apology or is still upset with them regardless.

While - as long as they DON’T ever have this conversation, for whatever reason - they can look to the clear and consistent precedent of Dick continuing to work with people who have done things like oh, I don’t know....punched him in the face cuz they’re mad at him (and this isn’t a Bruce critical point, this is a whole damn family critical point as the only one who HASN’T actually done this is Duke. Well, Cass technically just threw him out a window, but I mean, tomato toh-mah-to). Writers and characters both can lean on the fact that actually Dick has a pretty clear track record of ultimately giving up a grudge or at least showing a willingness to look past those grudges enough that it doesn’t prevent him from still maintaining or resuming some kind of relationship with the person who hurt him.

And thus, like Example Numero Uno......this ultimately just lets other characters off the hook while claiming to do Dick a favor, but actually Dick receives no real benefit from it and instead now just has another instance of characters saying “see we respect your wishes” when ultimately their inaction is MORE in service to their own wishes and self-interests.

2b) See also the variation of this in which characters such as Bruce, Jason, Tim and assorted others like....are written specifically determining that they’re not going to apologize to Dick or beg his forgiveness because they feel they don’t DESERVE to be forgiven, and once again....its in HIS best interests that they not even give him the opportunity to say he forgives them....because they know Dick Grayson of course, and they know he’s too forgiving for his own good, so its better to like....not make it ever a possibility in this particular instance.

With the problem here being like.....Dick can’t and shouldn’t be expected to KNOW that’s their logic? So....all he’s going to actually SEE is loved ones just....not expressing remorse for hurting him or acknowledgment it even happened? Which....hurts?

So......hurting your loved one MORE after already hurting them....because you don’t feel you deserve to be forgiven for hurting them in the first place and are actually PROTECTING them from being hurt more when mistakenly forgiving you.....by.....hurting and continuing to hurt them with your silence and lack of evident remorse....

Mmmm.....

Its not the best approach, y’know?

Flaws are detected.

3) Dick’s friends and family manipulating situations in order to get the end result THEY desire, while claiming to do so for his benefit only. Dick being willing to manipulate people to achieve his own ends comes up a LOT actually....but there’s relatively little examination of how often people do this to him, claiming his best interests but really just circumventing his clearly stated desires for independence and the right to make his own choices about what HE needs....or when this is brought up, its usually limited to JUST Bruce doing it, but uh....no that ain’t it.

Specific examples of this are like when Wally joins the 1999 version of the Titans specifically to get Dick to join up, because in his estimation Dick needs more of a social life and is drowning himself with his responsibilities....and then quits not long after Dick is finally officially invested in staying with the team. Another example is when Roy gets Dick to join the Outsiders based entirely on his pitch of NOT treating the team like a family, like they did with the Titans, so that Dick could keep emotional distance and not be as worried about losing them like he suffered from losses like Donna....with his claim again being that he worried about Dick in the aftermath of that loss, etc.

And to be clear! Its not that I think Wally and Roy and others who do similar things have NEGATIVE intentions in mind for Dick. That’s the whole point of this post.....like the other examples, I fully believe THEY believe (or writers believe when writing them this way) that they have Dick’s best interests in mind and not their own. I just....disagree.

THE FATAL FLAW (at least as I see it here):

Is that I view this and Batfam members who do similar stuff as like.....falling into the trap of the savior friend complex. Its that thing when you see a friend hurting, and over time get FRUSTRATED by seeing this when a solution seems obvious to you but think they won’t take it because they’re too stubborn or don’t know what’s best for them....with this specifically recurring a LOT with Dick in particular, due to his core characterization of wanting to be the one to make his own choices. The problem here, same as the problem with the savior friend complex....is that it treats the subject of these views as like....incapable of determining what they need. Its a tacit condemnation that they actually don’t know how to cope with things and are doing it wrong - even though the ones making this assessment will never be the ones actually having to LIVE with the outcome of their meddling. Its the conviction that someone like Dick needs to be HANDLED, for his own good....because he can’t be trusted to KNOW what he needs, not as well as them at least.....and so they jump to manipulation rather than just....ASK him what he needs, or HOW they can best support him, or even just WHY he’s making the choices he is.

For instance, the problem with what Wally did was never that Dick wasn’t struggling. He was. He was drowning in his responsibilities, he had very little to no life outside of them.....Wally is not remotely in the wrong for WANTING to do something to change this situation. The problem is Wally basically defaulted to just...HANDLING his friend by restarting the Titans just to give Dick a social life again, which is pretty much a line straight out of the comics...and basically railroaded right over Dick’s initial ‘no’ when he first heard the proposal. And kept pushing things until Dick eventually joined up in order to get Wally to commit to the team too, because Wally spun it as though Dick was helping Wally by getting Wally to commit to the team for the very same reasons Wally wanted Dick to. And then....right after that, Wally quit to go back to just focusing on the Justice League, which was part of what Dick predicted would happen all along.

The thing was.....at no point along the way did Wally actually ask WHY Dick initially said no....he jumped straight to assuming his own view of the problem, that Dick just COULDN’T be made to ever see the reason to take a break occasionally and put his mental and emotional health as a priority. If he’d done this, Wally could have had dozens of other options to achieve his desired end result....he could’ve like....set up regular hangouts with Dick.

But Wally jumped to assuming he knew the answer, he knew what was best for Dick, and that Dick’s logic was inherently self-destructive and self-flagellating.....and he felt the solution was to bring back the Titans, as he recalled their earlier times as Titans together as a time when Dick was better able to balance his social life and responsibilities.

But by not ever stopping to LISTEN to why Dick felt the way he did and was initially opposed to rejoining the Titans....Wally overlooked one crucial fact: He isn’t Dick.

And more important, his view of the past wasn’t Dick’s view of the past.

Wally was a lot more capable of viewing the Titans as not just a family, but an inherent social life, a hangout, a kind of club....because that’s what it had always been to him.

But he’d never been the leader.

Throughout all their childhoods, the whole time the Titans WERE all of the above, and relatively light-hearted in comparison to their older selves....Dick STILL had the weight of responsibilities that none of the others had by virtue of just...not being the leader. Ultimately, all of their lives were in HIS hands. He was the one calling the shots. The buck stopped with him.

And this is precisely WHY Dick had gotten to the point he had in adulthood. It wasn’t because he’d changed. It wasn’t because he’d stopped figuring out what he needed and how to take care of himself. Its because the position he’d ALWAYS been in as leader....has WEIGHT. That eventually added up more and more and weighed him down. A huge part of the reason Dick had ended up leaving the Titans in the first place, before they disbanded prior to the 1999 revival....is because of the sheer WEIGHT of all the deaths and misfortunes that had befallen the Titans....and how much he and he alone struggled with it in ways the others didn’t....because they didn’t have to. It hadn’t been their plans, their calls, their RESPONSIBILITY to find a way the others could have all made it out alive or at least less traumatized.

So.....of COURSE Dick said no when Wally first proposed restarting the Titans, before Wally defaulted to using his own membership as a lure to get Dick to agree.....because......nothing about the above paragraph had changed, via Wally’s ‘plan.’ It wasn’t because Dick just didn’t KNOW how to be a fully rounded person....it was because nobody was helping him find actual OPTIONS for doing that....that didn’t just double as MORE responsibilities! Because that’s exactly what ended up happening! Dick wound up the leader of the Titans again, just as responsible and just as invested as always.....just like he always knew he would....and also as he knew would happen...Wally ended up quitting not long into it and persuading Jessie Quick to step in as his replacement....aka just one more person for Dick to worry about when it wasn’t like he was going to be worrying any less about Wally, just now he wasn’t going to have Wally there to even POTENTIALLY be able to support him when tragedy inevitably struck because they’re freaking superheroes....and instead he’d just have another person looking to him for the answers but with no reason or chance of being the support Dick could ACTUALLY use at times like that!

Wally’s manipulations circumvented Dick’s opinion that no, actually he knew what was best for him and it wasn’t what Wally was suggesting....without actually accounting for the fact that hey, Dick might actually know that. And in the end, Wally got the result he was after, he got to feel that he’d HELPED his friend....which again, this isn’t WRONG to WANT to....but Dick didn’t...exactly....benefit from this. It wasn’t actually in his best interests ultimately.

I mean...see Donna’s death for details.

And in the aftermath of THAT....Roy essentially did exactly what Wally did....just in REVERSE! Roy got Dick to agree to lead the Outsiders, to shoulder responsibility once again....by promising that Dick WOULDN’T have to view them as family. And did Dick go too far and end up TOO uncaring about their welfare? Yup! No disagreements there! Problem is though....he only ended UP in that situation because yet again a friend thought they KNEW the solution to what Dick needed.....only for Dick to end up essentially punished and further self-blaming....just for doing exactly what Roy had told him TO do, with this particular team. Again - Roy hadn’t EXPECTED Dick to take it this far. But that’s the whole point! Roy had expectations about what Dick would ACTUALLY end up doing, that didn’t match up to the pitch Roy actually gave Dick to GET his agreement.....because Roy all along was of the assumption that by virtue of being Dick Grayson, he wouldn’t be ABLE to avoid connecting with these new teammates and viewing them as family, and thus he’d end up ‘snapping out of it’ with it being the funk he’d been in since Donna’s death.

Roy’s intentions might have been noble, once again.....but his methods stuck to the same pattern of people around Dick believing they knew what he needed or knew who he was or knew what it meant to BE Dick Grayson....better than Dick actually did...particularly when Dick said no, this isn’t what I need or this isn’t a good idea or just...I don’t want to do this.

And in the end....its Dick who ended up paying the price for it, as well as the people who got hurt because of his INTENTIONAL emotional distance.....because the ‘view all surrounding people as new surrogate family’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience hadn’t kicked in as Roy thought inevitably would....but the ‘view all this as directly my fault and suffer guilt for it forevermore’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience most certainly did! Not at all actually helped along by the fact that like....Roy also expressed frustration with Dick that like.....Dick hadn’t actually responded to Roy’s intended manipulation of his emotions the way Roy had expected him to when he EXPRESSLY TOLD DICK TO BEHAVE THE WAY THAT DICK ULTIMATELY BEHAVED. (Just, he didn’t tell Dick to dial that all the way up to Extra, but given that’s the only setting Dick does ANYTHING at, I feel its a possible outcome Roy should have at least considered. I mean, wasn’t the whole point that you know Dick Grayson better than he knows himself?)

But lo, I am salty.

LMAO, but I mean, you get it right? Obviously, I LIKE Wally and Roy. I LIKE Jason, etc. I’m not saying all of this to be like ugh how dare these characters do all this to Dick....I’m saying it because like.....they all keep falling into the same patterns of making a big fuss and acknowledgment of how much Dick prioritizes being able and free to make his own choices and decide what’s best for him and what HE wants.....

But without ever like....actively asking him AT THE RELEVANT TIME....what he thinks and feels about all this. What he thinks and feels he needs. What he ACTUALLY wants from them, or why he’s ACTUALLY saying no to something and maybe it being for reasons that aren’t just him inherently being stubborn and self-destructive.

And instead just defaulting to falling back on whatever he might have said or expressed in an entirely different context at an entirely different time.....and saying okay, by doing so, we are abiding by his wishes and thus doing what he wants and respecting his right to make his own choices.....

But ONLY when doing all of the above just so happens to align with these other characters then getting to do the thing or take the approach they’re already predisposed towards wanting to take because of their OWN self-interests at the same time.

With this never actually coming into play when respecting Dick’s wishes aligns with them taking actions they DON’T personally want to undertake, because it makes them uncomfy or they think its a bad call, even if it is something that should be his call to make.

Like....the pattern. It very much exists. And abounds. Like I could cite examples allllllllllll the way up to Ric Grayson, where Bruce respected RIC’S wishes to be left alone and not interfere in his life no matter what.....in ways Bruce almost never respects Dick’s actual expressed wish for Bruce to butt out of matters when Bruce is actually quite keen on meddling and would very much like to....

But notice how the other thing about the Ric Grayson storyline is that Ric’s expressed desire to stay the fuck out of vigilantism and superhero work, like.....just so happens to align with Bruce’s longstanding desire for Dick to like...get out of the vigilantism and superhero work? With butting out of Ric’s life and respecting his privacy in ways Dick has to FIGHT him for, like......absolutely the optimal action to take in order to allow this expressed desire of Ric’s to flourish in the ways Bruce always wished would kick in for Dick?

.....just saying.

The pattern. It abounds.

And the key to breaking any pattern, of course, is to first recognize....and acknowledge....that it exists.

Otherwise you tend to fall into the trap of repeating and perpetuating it over and over without even realizing it, simply because its what’s familiar.

This has been A Post by Me. Thank you and have a nice day. Or don’t. Idk. I’m not the boss of you. Whatever.

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 2 years

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Hey! So, to make a long story short - I'm 27 years old, born and raised Catholic. I consider myself an occult-leaning person, or a Christian witch so to say, but my faith is very complicated and I want to ask YOU if it's valid/okay like, at all. Basically, the Catholic "vibe" or imagery or certain parts of theology and beliefs and stuff in the Bible is super close to my heart, and I like to go beyond that - meaning I have some interest in the Gnostic teachings and beliefs. I also dabble within Thelema and other various occult-leaning stuff, and it feels good so I don't think there's a problem. However, I have to say I feel like my relationship with God and religion is a bit difficult, as I don't really "trust" so to say bishops and the clergy, and some parts from the Catholic catechism aren't really up my alley. I like going to Church sometimes but I do not feel it is super important to me. I have to ask you - is my practice, faith, beliefs, and all that shit *still* valid? Sometimes I have doubts, I just made a tumblr (hello there lol) and I've seen many different Catholic witches and like I sympathise and kinda identify with that but I am way more beyond that. Would appreciate any insight!

Hey there! (same-age + Catholic-roots high-five!)

I totally feel you on not being able to fully trust all the clergy of the Catholic Church because let's be real, a lot of them are super corrupt; and there's a lot of stuff in the Catholic Catechism that does harm. I personally identify as Catholic, but not as Roman Catholic to make that sort of distinction in myself — much of my faith life is Catholic, but I don't consider myself under the authority of The Roman Catholic Church.

---

Ultimately, I have zero authority to tell anyone whether their beliefs are "valid" or whatnot — but I do believe that pretty much any faith system that brings nourishment to self & others rather than harm* can be a healthy way of connecting to the Holy, whoever or whatever that may be.

---

I have several friends + know of quite a few people who incorporated elements of both Catholicism and witchcraft / paganism / etc. into their personal faith experience, often with powerful results. But I myself have not delved into the occult world, so I'm not the person to go to to discuss it! Still, you might find some useful stuff in my Christian witches tag — after checking out the posts in there, feel free to return with further questions!

You might also like listening to / reading along to some of the episodes of my podcast where I've interviewed folks with similar experiences to yours, to get their informed perspectives rather than my outsider's perspective:

my conversation with Taylor, a Christian witch (ep 18); they talk a good bit about how there's a lot of overlap in Catholic stuff and witchy stuff

And with another Christian witch, Phoenyx (ep. 7, no transcript for this one yet) (Phoenyx is also on tumblr and has an essay about "what the Bible says" about witchcraft over here!)

Solaris doesn't talk about witchcraft in depth if I remember correctly, but they do incorporate some of that into their Methodist faith (ep 36)

Azura Rose talks about Satanism in ep 46

And there some more witchy stuff discussed in ep 20, in which multiple folks share info about their sacred spaces

Aaaand more witchy stuff in an ep where I talk about a video game that delves into some history of syncretism in 19th century Russia haah (ep 48)

Plus an ep where I talk about how Brigid is a meaningful figure in three different religions (including Catholicism; ep 47)

*One huge thing to be careful of when practicing witchy / occult stuff is not to appropriate rituals or beliefs from closed systems if you can't claim them — such as connecting to Lilith if you're not Jewish; or burning sage if you're non-native. Appropriating stuff causes real harm and perpetuates systemic exploitation of marginalized communities, so it fails the simple "do no harm" test of whether a faith system is sound.

I invite any Christian witches, pagans, or similar to chime in with any thoughts (or just so @perfect-mind can see you're out there!)

#christian witches

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qvid-pro-qvo · 3 years

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it’s your day (and i’m here for it)

happy valentine’s day, everyone. penelope garcia x emily prentiss.

word count: 2345

rating: e for everyone! based on this tweet that i found that made me want to write something about halloween and valentine’s day falling in love. hope it makes somewhat sense, and of course i hope you all enjoy a foray into something a little different than a reader fic (tw: food mentions and food eating at the end).

She sits with her legs crossed, the files spread out before her. Her eyes scan each file, and when she presses her fingers to one she can't help her little sigh.

Jason Gideon. Aaron Hotchner. Derek Morgan. Spencer Reid. Jennifer Jareau.

She feels it. The connection. The "red strings of fate." The analogy makes her smile, a little twist of her lips. They're connected, so intertwined that it's difficult to sparse apart the individuals.

She thought long and hard before even opening these files. There was another there, wrapped around each one of them, her protection... brilliant. Bold. And bright.

Her rules were pretty simple. Her loner status was well known, just because she liked the ability to roam, go where she pleased. Her reach wasn't too wide after all, but where it did span she had a tight grip.

But this. This was different. There was an attraction here, a draw. She presses her fingers to Spencer again, feels his devotion like a drug, one that allows her to sink into that feeling for a second before pulling herself back out.

She likes roaming. She does. But the temptation of settling... it overwhelms her all at once.

She pushes the other files aside. Her eyes scan the manila folder before pushing it open carefully. She has to lean back, almost, but once it falls open the smiling face that looks up at her seems to settle her soul.

Penelope Garcia.

When she presses her fingers to the file, she can't help but laugh. The pink resume. Bold, but, the humans tended to overlook the obvious when they could. Even profilers.

She sits back on her haunches. Looks once more into the eyes of every face open to her, and nods. She'll be safe here. Comfortable here.

After all... if one can settle among the drabble for the long haul... what's the harm in another?

She doesn't recall the last time she crossed paths with Garcia, when the last time their realms overlapped. She tries to think, dredges up what memories she can, but as always, when she limits herself in a strictly physical form, it exhausts her.

Garcia. It's what she has to take to calling her, because Penelope feels too... human. Of course, Garcia takes to calling her "Emily" right off. Gives her a glowing smile, tilts her head, pushes her chin forward.

"It's a pleasure!" she chirps. Offers her hand, and the world goes a bit hazy at the edges when she takes it, shakes, once, twice.

"Emily" watches her earrings dangle for a moment before she pulls her fingers back.

Garcia doesn't seem to notice the shift. Just keeps smiling, though there's a light in her eyes that can't be missed. "Emily" is a little lost in it, but lets it play as a new person in a new unit in the Bureau, not as the collision of two beings who have no business being in the same room, let alone shaking hands.

"Of course," she offers, instead of something more traditional. "I'm happy to be here."

"What you did in there, it was pretty, uh, massively mindblowing," Garcia says. The light has faded, just a little, as her hands once again wrap around files and she cocks her hip. "Do you always stun the socks off of everyone you come across or -"

"Only the ones I like."

It comes out of nowhere, out of "Emily." The little joke. But Garcia loves it, giggles, and bids her a farewell before going back to her office, leaving "Emily" there to watch her go. Feeling a little lighter as she does.

She radiates joy.

She watches Garcia with interest, as she settles into settling. Into going into work every day, a 9-5 that works like on-call. Watches her walk with confidence, lift her chin, let her hair down and then put it up again.

October is long gone, and February apporaches with blinding speed. It seems to hurtle toward all of them, like Garcia is willing the days forward, like she's the reason that the sun sets. And as each day passes, Emily gets those blinding smiles, gets little stops by her desk, moments here and there where she gives her love so freely.

She bakes. She laughs. She jokes. She flirts with Morgan and blows kisses to Reid and Emily gets to sit there and take some, too.

The drabble. Emily supposes they’re her friends, now. It’s an odd feeling, after being masked for so long. After pretending friendship, romance, love for so long, feeling it so keenly. From all of them, not just Penelope.

Penelope.

At some point she stops becoming Garcia. Emily knows her real name is still out of reach, but Penelope works just fine. Penelope gets her a smile.

The problem with the Halloween is that there's light and dark. So... much... dark.

Penelope brings out the photo as a joke, as a tease first and foremost and only, and Emily looks at it with a smile and a laugh and the embarassment she should. But she sees the style, and can't help but wince.

“You edited this,” she accuses immediately, but Penelope just shakes her head, laughs.

“Nope,” she says, with a pop of her lips. “That hair is alllll you.”

So much dark.

It’s come and gone this year, Halloween, and the winter is in full swing. January sends Virginia into a bitter cold, but when Emily sees that picture it feels like it’s soaked into her, settled in her bones, and she’s reminded of the worst of October. There was a reason that year was particularly brutal for her, why her exterior showed so much of what she encompasses.

Some Halloweens are just worst than other Halloweens, and she finds herself lost in that thought as the day wears on, as a case comes and throughout.

She supposes Penelope must catch it. Why else would she come by after they land and the BAU is back with an apology, a small smile, a new cup of coffee in a mug that has to be her own? It makes Emily smile, too, when she takes it. The bullpen is empty, it’s just the two of them and Hotch up the stairs, and she can’t help but cherish the way Pen leans on her desk, sits on it like she belongs.

“I didn’t think about what it must feel like, October 31st,” the analyst offers, kicking the ground a little. “I kinda lose myself a little this time of year, I should’ve thought -”

“It’s okay, Garcia,” Emily says, but immediately rights herself with a small smile and tilt of her head. “Penelope. Really. Some years are just different. I’m sure you understand that.”

Penelope nods, but she still seems uncertain, biting her lip. “I know, but, still. I should’ve known that it was something more than -”

“A hilarious yearbook photo?” Emily counters, and holds up the picture again, still on her desk from when before they left. Immediately she twists her smile to match the photo, and Penelope takes one look and snorts. It’s such a vibrant sound that Emily laughs, too, and the two of them giggle the rest of the night, Penelope sticking around to walk Emily out, their hands grazing on an elevator that feels warmer than any chill.

“If it makes you feel any better, you rocked that look,” Penelope says, and her eyes, bright even in the dim of the parking garage, make Emily’s cheeks feel red. “I mean, you’re always stunning, but... I don’t know. I like that little peek into what’s really in you, Emily Prentiss.”

Emily thinks about that a lot. About the way her instinct is to reach out for Penelope’s hand and squeeze it, wonder if this year she’ll have a valentine.

“I’m an open book for you, Penelope.”

There's a lot of love when Valentine's goes down, but the lonely hearts are out there, too. And Penelope feels all of them as the day approaches, that home stretch before the new Valentine. Emily sees her feel first hand, watches her hands tremble as the evening comes and her follows unload on her. There's unending love on Valentine's, but not all of it is requited, and Emily is there to hold Pen close as she takes it all and feels it so she can spread the love all year long.

"It makes me h-happy," she says with a sniffle, looking at Emily as she wipes her face under her glasses, appropriately heart-shaped. "The day. Of course. And tomorrow w-will be better, that first day of recharge, but - but the few nights before you taste the heartbreak as much as all the love."

"What does it taste like?" Emily can't help but ask. Heartbreak. She knows the concept, but... the thought of that in her mouth... lingering... Penelope swallows, shrugging her cardigan back on her shoulders.

"Well, uh, not good, if that's the question," Pen starts, and says it with enough bite and verve that it startles a laugh out of Emily. Earns her a little smile, one still so lovely even with the tears down her face.

Emily takes a moment to brush one off of a blush-stained cheek. Uses her thumb to push it aside, and Pen leans into the touch, sighs a little at the affection. Before smiling

"It smells like rotten flowers, and it - it tastes like too dark chocolate," she murmurs. "Sour grapes. And... salt. Lots and lots of salt."

"Tears," Emily realizes, and when Penelope nods that's enough to make the next move easy. To pull her close, tight against her, holding her close as she lets out another shaky sob.

The heartbreak will fade. And Emily knows what she'll see. Penelope Garcia will come into work the next day with a spring in her step, bouncing on her toes, hair in perfect ringlets. She'll smile with a bright lip and wave to all with delight. Derek will tease her about having a good night, and she'll say how much she doesn't kiss and tell. But Emily sees what she sees tonight, and holds Pen close, and wishes for a moment that she tasted the salt, too. If only so she could say she understood, and give that as the comfort that Penelope needed.

But she's there. And that must count for something. Because Penelope doesn't ask her to go, and Emily is all too happy to stay. To offer her drink after drink after drink of water, to get the bitter taste off of her lips as best she can.

She knows it's useless, ultimately. It's part of the penance. After all, asking that taste to fade is like asking the chill of Halloween night to be fixed with a blanket and something hot to eat, for the shivers to stop with a well-placed heating pad and a prayer.

But she knows if Penelope offered any and all of that on the evening of October 31st... well.

She wouldn't say no.

So she offers herself to Pen, those days leading up to Valentine’s. Offers to spend the night and give what she can, sweet things she can make with well-worded instructions and a toaster oven or a microwave rather than an oven. Anything to attempt to wash away the taste of lovers’ quarrels and heartache and the salty sting of tears on cheeks. Comes over every night, holding hands and holding her and pressing a kiss or two to her temple on the particular bad waves.

“Thank you for being here,” Penelope tells her.

“Thank you for letting me be,” Emily says back. One more kiss, on the cheek for good measure.

And then the day comes.

That morning, Emily wakes up on Penelope’s couch to the most brilliant smell in the world. Fresh coffee on the table in front of her, cinnamon rolls on a wire rack. The icing is perfectly melted on the outside, dripping down it, and Penelope looks absolutely radiant. There are strawberries and raspberries and chocolate for dipping them in, and the perfect amount of oat milk in a latte that Emily could only dream of tasting for the first time again.

“Good morning, my valentine!” she calls, and her cheeks are flushed a brilliant red from the heat of the oven. “I hope you’re hungry because I made... well, way too much.”

“You did not have to do this,” Emily immediately says. Feels like an intrusion, her own energy, dark and dreary and all Hallow’s eve, when this home is so obviously warm and close to bursting with love. But then she’s wrapped up in arms that hold her tight, and she’s blinking at the feeling of all of Penelope against all of her, energy against energy, mixing and melding.

“No talk like that today, Em, I forbid it,” she teases. She’s pulled back now, and her glasses are red hearts and her dress is so many shades of pink. In her heels their heights are equal, and Emily hasn’t even showered yet. “I believe on my day I can do whatever I please. So get ready to eat up, and the rest we can take in to the team.”

So much love in one look. In one smile. In one brilliant, incredible woman.

“I’m your valentine?” she asks, a little breathless, and Pen’s smile goes shy. “You want that?”

“I - I mean, yes. If you’d like.” Her voice is gentle, and her arms are still around Emily’s neck, where she had gripped her for the hug. They loosen the slighest bit, and Emily realizes that the bright shine of the apartment has weakened a bit, that Pen looks a little panicked. “Is that - is that okay? Because I can absolutely backtrack, the train does not have to leave any station that it is not ready for -”

Emily is Penelope’s Valentine. Emily dares to lean in and kiss her Valentine, her brilliant, bright, and absolutely mind-blowing Valentine.

And Penelope tastes no tears on the 14th, only bright red apples and something sweet like Halloween candy.

#my fic #penemily #penelope garcia #emily prentiss #penelope x emily #emily x penelope #criminal minds #qvo's valentines!#i feel RUSTY with two characters but i really love them and hope you love them too #tw food mention #tw food

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whetstonefires · 3 years

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Hi Whetstonefire. I have a question about the comic where Nightwing cheats on Starfire with Barbara: What happens directly after that? Does Starfire find out that Nightwing cheated on her? And, if so, how does she react? I've read online that (according to Marv Wolfman) Starfire is the opposite of everything Batman taught Nightwing to be and that Batman taught Nightwing to be repressed and cold. What did Nightwing contribute (emotionally) to the relationship between him and Starfire? (Cont.)

(Cont.) From what I can tell, from online, Nightwing was adamant about standards of mercy and monogamy - how do you think, if Starfire were to be written as her own character and not written around Nightwing and his emotional needs, she would handle and react to that? (This bit is an FYI for other readers: this is just speculation, not hate. Sorry about that.) Sorry about the questions! Have a nice day!

Okay there are so many separate questions packed in here! I may miss some of them lol and I do not want to put in the hours it would take to produce an orderly response to all this, so this post is going to be a mess.

Initial query and important point: the cheating story was out of continuity. Like, literally, not just by ‘being rejected by the fanbase,’ it was just this weird retcon oneshot that seems to have been some sort of fuck-you to Nightwing or his fans or something. So no, it had no in-setting fallout lol. It, in more ways than most comics, didn't exactly happen.

It was just this weird thing where Dick hooks up with Babs before giving her a wedding invitation, which is both out of character for him in general and out of step with where he was leading up to the wedding--he was desperate to get married so they could have some Normal Stable Adulthood Happiness; the choice to recharacterize him as a fuckboy who regards it as a loss of freedom isn’t congruent, on much more than the level of principle.

As far as how Kori would feel about it, if she had learned...that is very hard to say. Apart from how it would require her to reinterpret everything about where their relationship stood at that point, the data is very unclear, and I don’t even have all of it. Gonna back up to cover some of the rest of the ask, get some context here.

So this actually brings up two of my biggest gripes with Wolfman’s NTT--weird Kori characterization and the weirdly negative interpretation of Batman as parent that backwashed heavily into other titles and influenced the character for the worse, in ways we're very much still dealing with today. 😩

The latter is pretty self-explanatory, though Wolfman’s take that the main thing Bruce taught Dick was repression does shed light on some writing choices and make others funnier. But Kori. Oh my lands.

So, item one, I wouldn't say that Kori is overall opposite Bruce, or even of his philosophy? There are just some very major points of opposition. She isn’t emotionally buttoned-down like at all, especially about positive feelings, although considered realistically with all the bullshit they’ve piled into her backstory she absolutely leans on repression to cope and stay positive, which makes her a lot like Dick actually.

To an extent, she was clearly written around foiling Dick’s Batman-derived traits in the same way that Robin was written to foil Batman, bright and glad and aerial. A Flamebird to his Nightwing in theme if not in name.

You could do some interesting stuff with that, and the bildungsroman aspects of this period of Dick’s life, like he has two roads forward in terms of how he’s going to define ‘adulthood’--does it necessarily require becoming more like his mentor-father, for good and ill, or can he make Kori in part a destination, as it were, and create an adult self that is derived from who he has always been as well as the man he’s modeled himself after?

To an extent I think this even was one of the things going on in ntt but like. Only a little bit.

(Given how much like Bruce Babs is in most of the ways Kori isn’t, especially once she’s Oracle, you could make a case for her as love interest being like. Symbolic of his not being in a rebellious phase? That gets weird and oedipal really fast tho lol.)

Okay stepping down one meta level lol, the thing about answering the 'what would kori' question here is that her character is deeply bound up in her culture, about which we are told and shown a great many contradictory things. Any attempt to read her as an independent character has to tackle not only the gender stuff you allude to and these inconsistencies, but how much of the sheer mess of her is rooted in racism.

'Fantastic' racism, technically, because Tamaraneans aren't real, but the 'taming the savage' narrative that kept surfacing between them and the language used in reference to it is just. The existing racism of presumably the writers, placed in Dick's mouth, and it's super gross. I hate it so much.

(I had a faint hope when they cast her for live action it was with a deliberate intent to directly tackle and better that history, but lollllllll nah. At least they didn’t double down in it tho! Can you imagine, with a black actress, in this day and age....)

So to predict and comprehend Kori, you have to make a lot of calls about Tamaran as a civilization. I like to slightly privilege stuff established earlier if there's no good reason not to, so while much is made over time of her inappropriate rage and the violence she was raised to normalize, I think what she says in her first appearance is good to keep in mind: in her culture, kindness is for friends and cruelty is for enemies. She doesn't understand why the Titans seem to have this backwards.

Kori is not a merciless person. She’s very empathetic, as a rule. With people she loves, she is self-destructively forgiving. That's not a trait only Dick benefits from--her family keeps betraying her in new exciting ways, and she keeps letting them.

Her arc of growing away from that habit is however greatly crippled by centering Dick in the narrative and by the awful 'civilizing' overtones that keep coming into it. When she comes back after the 1986 breakup, still married to Karras, she brings with her a commitment to doing things the Earth way--to eschew lethal force as more than a compromise with her friends’ values, but as a deliberate choice.

This deserved a lot more space and time than it got, and the fact that it didn’t get it is only somewhat due to her being subordinated to Dick and to general writing fail; a lot of it’s just the team book problems of everything happening to everybody all at once.

I mean, Dick’s journey later on to deciding he loves her enough to date her even though she’s married and it’s technically against his principles was packed into this absolutely heinous issue where he was inspired by a woman refusing to separate from her husband who’d just threatened to kill her and their kid with a knife, until being stopped by Nightwing. Because he’s apologizing for what he did.

This is his inspiration for accepting Kori’s marital status! It’s supposed to be heartwarming, as far as I can tell! Not heavyhanded messaging that this is a self-destructive terrible choice in which Kori will inevitably harm him somehow! This issue is pro ‘consensual open relationships under certain circumstances’ and also ‘giving abusers another chance’ as expressions of love. Welcome to the 80s ig.

(Notable is that the wife in this issue was black and the husband and son both looked very white, so it’s probably her stepkid and she probably wouldn’t get to keep him if they separated; this is not even vaguely treated as a factor.)

Point is, everyone was getting too little space to actually go through the amount of development they were getting, and it was clumsily handled; it’s not just her.

In an overlapping period Gar processed his issues with his adoptive father with whom he constantly fought and their shared trauma over the rest of their family (the Doom Patrol) having died violently not long ago via a batshit several-issue storyline where Mento went crazy, created supermutants, and abusively mind-controlled them to attack the Titans. It is literally all like this.

Back to the infidelity thing, now. So much to unpack. So like I mentioned above, their first big breakup, while partially driven by Dick’s existing conflicted feelings about their different ideas about things like ‘killing in battle’ and ‘her identity and loyalties being tied up with her home planet,’ is explicitly over different takes on monogamy.

When Dick is breaking up with her, Kori makes it clear she thinks it’s totally reasonable to have both a husband and a love, since Karras also has someone he loves and they’re both fine with it, but the story doesn't really explain how nonmonogamy works on Tamaran, or even if it's practiced outside the context of political marriage. They do do a sort of...soulbond fusion dance...thing, as part of the ceremony, so marriage is definitely serious business. There are so many levels of cultural difference that get poor to no development.

But to return to the weird ooc retcon cheating story: because of this context, no matter what her personal norms are, Dick specifically casually sleeping with someone else would be something for Kori to be mad about, because of the hypocrisy.

Then there’s the Mirage Incident, which I haven’t read through properly and which was very poorly handled by the writers. Kori is upset about Dick having slept with someone impersonating her and there’s a general vibe of this being treated by Dick’s social circle as unfaithfulness even though he was in fact sexually violated by deceit; it famously sucks.

We still don’t learn a lot here about Kori’s ideas about monogamy, from what I have seen, because her focus is mostly on feeling like Dick doesn’t care about her enough or in the right way since he couldn’t tell the difference. Which is an understandable feeling, even if it’s not an appropriate reaction to have at him at this time.

What Nightwing contributed emotionally........hm. This is a mess, honestly; he was all over the map, and not just because of having Brother Blood in his head. I cannot speak definitively on this, it’s too inconsistent.

For most of their relationship, Kori was the more intensely invested one, the one to initiate and the one who was shown at length to be excited to come home at the end of the day to their shared apartment because her boyfriend was there to see and talk to. If we set aside his more egregious white male bullshit, Dick was pretty emotionally available most of the time, though? They were cute.

Since they split up a lot of ink has been spilled making him less into her in retrospect, but he was pretty invested--leaving her coincided with mental breakdowns both times, and it wasn’t even mostly because she was doing his emotional processing for him, because she wasn’t, although it’s fair to say he often fell into using the relationship as an emotional crutch. Kori was definitely doing the same thing though so...it wasn’t the most balanced relationship in fiction history, but apart from slight codependency and the racism, it was decent enough.

She gets more evenhanded development than most superhero love interests, honestly, because she was costarring in a team book. She had her own storylines. She had other friends.

Mostly both of them just needed some space to finish growing up and stop being retraumatized long enough to process some of the existing trauma better, and I think they could have gone on being good for each other for a long time.

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waifstarion · 3 years

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I don’t think there is any harm in the baby Jack posts as he is in canon a baby, we only ever see him from age 0-3, it’s his 4th birthday next month. Never in canon has it stated Jack is autistic or coded as such, those quirks we see are canon as an angel not fitting in on earth, Castiel does it all the time. I believe it’s only really Gabriel who doesn’t have this issue as he’s been on earth for a very long time. I have quite a few traits in common with Jack from another condition that is not autism but overlaps, along with others (my condition sadly is very hard to diagnose for this reason, so a lot of people are often misdiagnosed as something else) I don’t post how angry that makes me as people are appropriating my condition and babying my traits (even if I do need help sometimes dressing myself right) If people are happy making Jack a baby then they should be allowed to post that. Jack only aged himself up after Kelly told him the world was unsafe, now Chuck has gone there’s no reason why Jack wouldn’t deage himself back to a toddler to finally experience playing on swings, slides and all the fun things with Castiel and Amara by his side. In a way too, the baby Jack is also a coping mechanism, in canon Jack left and Sam and Dean never seen him again, Sam lived at least 40 years without seeing Jack ever again and even in heaven, Jack wasn’t there 😭😭😭 so to draw or headcanon a small child who may need Sam to cut off the crust on his bread sandwiches, or Dean to read him a story and it be Game of Thrones or something... then that’s how that fan is coping with the true sad ending of Jack’s arc. We know he is with Castiel, he’s happy but Sam and Dean never learned that until after they died.

we would consider him a baby age-wise, as he is never older than three. however, seeing as he was born in a body roughly the age of eighteen, give or take a couple years (based on sam giving 2000 as his fake birth year when he was in the hospital and the cut line from 13x06). jack is never mentally an infant. he may have had the mentality of a younger child in his early episodes, but it doesn’t take too long for him to reach the mindset of a teenager. even at the end of the show, his mental age is probably around late adolescence or early adulthood (though that is up for interpretation). while he may be a baby in a very literal sense of the word (ie age-wise), he is not a baby in his mental state or appearance, which is what truly matters.

jack’s autism coding is all up to interpretation, however, i very intentionally use the term coding due to the fact that it is never outright stated in canon. coding typically isn’t confirmed within the actual show, otherwise i would have simply called it canon. another prominent character with autism coding (which was confirmed by ben edlund in the s6 commentary) is castiel, who just so happens to be a strong basis for jack’s character. many of the other angels are seen exhibiting neurotypical behaviours. angels such as naomi, balthazar, metatron, and many more do not display the traits that cas does. significantly, misha has said in numerous interviews that while his initial intention was to portray cas as something unhuman and unaware of human customs, not a single other actor did the same. as a result, this left cas as the odd one out, firmly establishing that this behaviour is just cas being himself, not an inherent side effect of being an angel. furthermore, the angels frequently make comments about cas being an outlier who doesn’t fit in, and make comments about it being a fundamental difference (eg. coming off the line with a crack in his chassis) rather than a learned behaviour. circling back to the autistic coding of cas and jack, it is never outright stated that either one is autistic, however there are traits that lead people to believe they are. this post does a good job of illustrating some potential autistic coding in jack. while it may not be intentional, it is certainly there, and a very prevalent interpretation within fandom. i'm sorry to hear that people infantilize your condition. i respect the fact that you make the personal decision not to make angry posts about it, as that is your prerogative. however, it is also mine to make a post about a pattern of behaviour i (and others) have noticed in fandom. the intention of my post is to encourage people to notice such patterns, and to draw their attention to it as there could be many people who never considered it from this point of view.

i never said they aren’t allowed to post it. on the contrary, i reblog posts about it on a semi-frequent basis. that being said, i find that there is a difference between sometimes posting about it versus exclusively portraying him as a baby and never talking about him as a person. in my post, i very clearly stated that it was about people posting it constantly and exclusively portraying him as an infant, which was my phrasing verbatim. it can be fun to portray characters in different ways, but in my opinion it becomes a problem when you constantly erase his character and backstory just to be a prop for a ship or your favourite character.

as for him wanting to deage himself, he has never indicated that. quite the contrary, he has been bothered when he is not taken seriously or seen as incapable. he wants to be capable and independent. it doesn’t make sense for him to want to limit himself mentally and physically so he becomes entirely reliant on those around him. he would lose essentially all of his autonomy, and i doubt that would be enjoyable for him. if he wants to go on a swing or a slide, no one’s stopping him in his current state. he can do plenty of the typical fun things while still being in his current form.

as it is, i don’t think that jack would be yearning for the stereotypical ideal childhood. no one jack has been around has had a normal, stable childhood. the bros, cas, rowena, etc all had abnormal and unstable childhoods. he was very briefly in his mother’s childhood heaven and that’s about the extent of it. even then, her heaven just consisted of her house with her dog. jack had a house and a pet, which he could easily view it as similar. even the tv shows we know he watches (clone wars, the walking dead, and riverdale) all seem to deal with people who do not get to experience real childhoods. he may not even be aware of the extent he is missing out on. even if he is aware, he may be perfectly fine with that and content with the memories he has already.

citing sam and dean’s preferences in and of itself is endemic to the issue of the constant baby jack posting. to be blunt, i don’t really care about what sam and dean want him to present himself as. they made little to no attempt to care for him as it was, so why should jack sacrifice his autonomy just so they can get some enjoyment out of it? in the finale, they barely even noticed his absence. you mention sam living forty years without him, yet he couldn’t be bothered to include a single photo of him in his house. jack shouldn’t have to change himself to make people happy. he should be himself, with complete autonomy, and loved for that. there is no true sad ending of jack’s arc. he’s happy with cas, just as you said. cas loved him unconditionally and was the only one who believed in him the entire time. cas wasn’t fazed when jack was an adult instead of the baby he had anticipated. he was happy to be with his son, regardless of what form that took.

the way cas and jack operate heaven is also left largely up to interpretation. all we know is that sam and dean are now there in the same place of them. it can easily be interpreted that they are all spending time together if that’s what you so please. it could very well be amara, cas, or another character that runs heaven. we don’t even know if there is anyone who needs to be in charge. it may run autonomously at this point and allow for jack to go off on whatever little hijinks he pleases

there are ways to write about tfw and jack post finale without erasing his personality and turning him into a prop. the entire issue is the fact that jack keeps getting used as a prop, and his tag consists almost exclusively of content where he is used as an accessory for other characters. all i’m asking is for people to stop constantly infantilizing him and to take the time to portray him as a fleshed out character sometimes.

#this ask has literally been taking up my brain’s real estate since i woke up #the market is already very oversaturated i can’t dwell on things too long #anyway i tried answering this earlier but i only typed three words before tombstone script dropped so yknow #jack kline #anonymous #i prefer the word trusting. less dumb. less ask.

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bufomancer · 4 years

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How Can We Do Better By Pacman Frogs?

Pacman frogs (genus Ceratophrys) are one of the most common pet frogs, and for good reason! They’re large, personable frogs that come in a wide variety of morphs and can live up to 10 years. There are eight species in the genus, though only three are common in captivity (C. cranwelli, C. ornata, C. cornuta), as well as a hybrid of C. cranwelli and C. cornuta usually labelled as a “fantasy pacman frog.” Occasionally you may see some of the other species for sale, but not nearly as often. This article focuses on the three most common species of pacman frog, excluding the hybrids.

This article is not intended to be used as a care sheet. Please do further research of your own to figure out the best way to care for your pet pacman frog.

Visual differences between the three common pet pacman frogs, plus the ‘fantasy’ hybrid (source)

Unfortunately, in my experience, out of all the common pet frogs, pacman frogs seem to suffer the most from minimalistic husbandry practices. Perhaps this is due to their reputation as ‘pet rocks’- they are nocturnal sit-and-wait predators, so keepers are unlikely to see them out and about during the day. A common sight in pacman frog groups and forums is a bin or tank of no more than 10 gallons, with just some dirt, a heat mat, and a large water dish. But is that really the best we can do for them?

An example of a fairly typical 10 gallon setup for a pacman frog. (source)

In order to answer that question, we’ll first need to delve into their lives in the wild.

In the wild, the ranges of cranwelli, cornuta, and ornata are for the most part separate. Cranwelli is found in the dry chaco region, which includes parts of Argentina, Paraguay, Bolivia, and Brazil. Ornata is found in Argentina and Uruguay, ranging to the coast. Cornuta is found much further north and has the largest range, including Brazil, French Guiana, Suriname, Colombia, Peru, and Bolivia. There’s some possible overlap between cranwelli and ornata in Argentina.

Comparisons from Berkeley Mapper of pacman frog distribution. Orange is range as listed by the IUCN, and the blue dots are amphibiaweb records of collection sites.

Most care sheets and keepers treat these species as interchangeable as far as care requirements, but I’m a little more skeptical. Let’s go species by species through habitat information!

Ceratophrys cranwelli

The most common species of pacman frog lives in the hot, semiarid Gran Chaco region, which contains mainly dry thorn forests, savannas, and low hardwood forests. Much of the water is seasonal, but there are two permanent rivers. When it’s hot and dry, cranwelli will burrow into the soil and grow a protective layer of skin, then aestivate until the climate becomes more suitable for them again. Soil is primarily sand and clay-based. Average temperatures across the region range from 60-85 F, with average humidity ranging from 50-75%.

One of the types of habitat in the Gran Chaco in Paraguay (source)

Ceratophrys ornata

These guys live in the Pampas region of Argentina, in subtropical grasslands and seasonal wetlands. Vegetation is primarily grasses and shrubs with few trees. Humidity seems to stay around 70-80% on average. The yearly average temperature is just around 65F, with average lows around 55 and average highs around 75. Soil is described as fertile. The frogs are primarily found around the bodies of water where they breed.

Temperature information for three locations in the Pampas region

A view of the Pampas (source)

Ceratophrys cornuta

The third of the common pet pacman frog species is found in the Amazon rainforest and the Amazon basin. The yearly average temperature is around 77 F but can reach up to the 90s during the day and down to the upper 60s/lower 70s at night. Humidity in the amazon rainforest averages 77% in the dry season and 88% in the wet season, according to the WWF. One study on the biology of cornuta cites the forests where they live as either terra firma or inundated forest and the soil asloam mixed with silt and/or clay. Individuals were usually found partially burrowed under leaf litter, with their backs near roots or logs. They mostly moved around during nights when there had been rainfall in the previous 24 hours.

In my opinion, the differences in habitat between the three species indicates that captive Ceratophrys frogs should be kept in somewhat different conditions in captivity as well. Cornuta would likely do well with plenty of leaf litter to burrow into, and seems to like the highest humidity of the three. Cranwelli seems to need the least humidity, and would likely appreciate some plant or wood cover, such as scrub vegetation. Ornata seems to need higher humidity than cranwelli, but perhaps not as high as cornuta. Their primary vegetation in the wild are grasses, so it would be recommended to mimic that in terraria. The different species may do better at different temperatures as well. I would recommend doing further research on your own on temperatures in their native habitats before deciding what temperature to keep your own pacman frog at.

In general, the small terrariums pacman frogs are typically kept in are inadequate. While a 10 gallon may be fine for growing out a young baby, many of whom are irregular eaters until adulthood, These frogs can grow anywhere from 2-6 inches, possibly more, depending on species and gender. I recommend a minimum of a 20 long (footprint of 360sq in) for male pacman frogs and a 40 breeder (footprint of 640sq in) for female pacman frogs. Of course, you can always go larger- I keep my male ornata in a 40 breeder and I have never felt the space was wasted.

All pacman frogs share some basic needs: enough substrate to burrow all the way into, a large water dish that they can soak their entire body in, cover of some sort be it hides or plants, a heat gradient, and access to UVB.

Most keepers recommend a heat mat taped to the side of the tank for providing supplemental heat. You should never use a heat mat on the bottom of the tank as pacman frogs will burrow to cool themselves down when it gets too hot. Overhead heat would be ideal, and there are many ways to go about that, each with its own pros and cons. Unless your house is particularly cold, your frog should be fine with a nighttime temperature drop down to the mid 60s/lower 70s.

UVB supplementation is controversial in the herp hobby for many species, and pacman frogs are no exception. They may be nocturnal, but that only means they are primarily active at night and does not preclude them from being exposed to sunlight. I would consider them to be a part of Ferguson Zone 1 as outlined in Ferguson et al. (2010). Animals in this zone are cryptic baskers, typically crepuscular or nocturnal. They would not need high levels of UVB, but appropriate use of a low output UV bulb is unlikely to be harmful provided the frog is able to avoid the light should they choose. I personally use a reptisun T8 5.0, but any light with a similar output used at the manufacturer recommended distance should be safe. Make sure your pacman frog is able to hide from the light if they want to by providing them with hides, plants, pieces of wood, etc.

Ultimately, we can do better by pacman frogs by simply treating them like more than pet rocks. Give them space to move around, do research into the native habitat of the species you own and do your best to mimic it in your terrarium. Feed them a variety of foods - these guys can and do eat almost anything from ants to other frogs and reptiles. Give them more than just dirt and a water dish. Make sure to only purchase captive-bred individuals. These frogs will never race around their tank or be able to be kept happily with other frogs, and you may almost never see them move during the day, but that doesn’t mean they don’t use their space in their own way.

The way I see it, you can either provide space and enrichment that they might not use, or you can deprive them of space and enrichment that they may benefit from. I think the former is preferable to the latter.

Sources, References, and Further Reading

Cranwelli

https://www.britannica.com/place/Gran-Chaco/

https://www.iucnredlist.org/species/56338/11464257

http://www.faunaparaguay.com/ceratophryscranwelli.html

Ornata

https://www.britannica.com/place/the-Pampas

https://www.iucnredlist.org/species/56340/11464790

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climatic_regions_of_Argentina#Statistics_for_selected_locations_5

Cornuta

https://galapagosinsiders.com/travel-blog/climate-weather-amazon-rainforest-temperatures/

https://www.jstor.org/stable/3892875?seq=1

https://www.iucnredlist.org/species/56337/11464093#habitat-ecology

https://wwf.panda.org/knowledge_hub/where_we_work/amazon/about_the_amazon/

General

https://bioone.org/journals/south-american-journal-of-herpetology/volume-9/issue-2/SAJH-D-14-00008.1/On-the-Diet-of-the-Frogs-of-the-Ceratophryidae/10.2994/SAJH-D-14-00008.1.short

https://www.jzar.org/jzar/article/view/150

#reptiblr #amphiblr #pacman frog #ceratophrys #ceratophrys cornuta #ceratophrys ornata #ceratophrys cranwelli #my guides

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ameliarating · 3 years

Text

I read through @pumpkinpaix‘s deeply thoughtful post about cultural appropriation and dismissal of Chinese cultural concerns (two related but distinct phenomena) in non-Chinese MDZS/CQL fan-spaces and should-be-obvious-but-painfully-is-not disclaimer:

When it comes to these things, the voices that should be rising above the rest are the Chinese fans speaking out about what they’ve seen.

I’m only here because I feel I have what to say on this bit here:

For context, we are referencing two connected instances: the conflict described in these two threads (here and here), and when @/jelenedra tweeted about giving Jewish practices to the Lans. Regarding the latter, we felt that it tread into the territory of cultural erasure, and that it came from a person who had already disrespected diaspora’s work and input.

Context

The Lans have their own religious and cultural practices, rooted both in the cultural history of China and the genre of xianxia. Superimposing a different religious practice onto the Lans amidst other researched, canonical or culturally accurate details felt as if something important of ours was being overwritten for another’s personal satisfaction. Because canon is so intrinsically tied to real cultural, historical, and religious practices, replacing those practices in a canon setting fic feels like erasure. While MDZS is a fantasy novel, the religious practices contained therein are not. This was uncomfortable for many of us, and we wanted to point it out and have it resolved amicably. We were hoping for a discussion or exchange as there are many parallels and points of relation between Chinese and Jewish cultures, but that did not turn out quite as expected.

What happened next felt like a long game of outrage telephone that resulted in a confusion of issues that deflected responsibility, distracted from the origin of the conflict, and swept our concern under the rug.

Specifically, we are concerned about how these two incidents are part of what we feel is a repeated, widespread pattern of the devaluing of Chinese fans’ work and concerns within this fandom. This recent round of discourse is just one of many instances where we have found ourselves in a position of feeling spoken over within a space that is nominally ours. Regardless of what the telephone game was actually about, the way it played out revealed something about how issues are prioritized.

(Big surprise, I’m going to talk about Jewish things and MDZS)

I haven’t read the fic in question, but I have certainly made many posts about Jewishness and the Lans, imagining certain traditional Jewish educational settings and modes of learning and argumentation as superimposed onto the Cloud Recesses. I’ve also written other posts, mostly for me and the three other people out there who would find it funny, imagining different sects as different Jewish sects - or at least, who they have most in common with.

Never was I imagining these characters or worlds to be actually Jewish, but, as people often do in fandom, I was playing around in the spaces, delighting in overlaps I found, out of a deep-seated wish that I could have anything like MDZS or so many of the other fantasy I loved with Jews.

I’m jealous. I’m so jealous.

Here’s how I was relating to it:

China is a country of billions with an immense media audience of its own, its own television, movies, books, comics, etc. The only Jewish equivalent could ever be Israel, very tiny, and while there is a lot of good Israeli television, books, etc out there, it doesn’t approach what’s available from China, and certainly none of it has broken through to be a fandom presence of its own, not even in Jewish only or Hebrew speaking spaces. And even when that happens, the creators don’t often draw on Jewish history and myth. (One example I can think of a show that does is Juda, a Jewish vampire show from Israel, but I know exactly one (1) person on tumblr who’s seen it.)

So I was treating MDZS the way I treat American media - as a playground. Since I can’t find Jewish stories, especially in fantasy, I’m going to play around with it in non-Jewish stories.

Here’s how I should have been relating to it:

There are so many people who, like me, have been hungry to find themselves and their stories and their magic in fandom spaces. They have a show that’s made it big. Is it fair to, even playing around in tumblr posts, set so much of that rich cultural context aside in order for me to find room for my own?

In the U.S., at least, where I am, it’s not the same as doing the same thing with, say, The Lord of the Rings (where I wrote a fic making use of Jewish mourning practices and assigned them to the Beorians) or Harry Potter, because that’s taking a dominant culture which is all I usually ever see and make room for myself.

In MDZS, especially in the English language fandom where the Chinese cultural context is never dominant and is often shouted over and overlooked, and where there just aren’t many other examples of media that made it big in the fandom, I am only making room for myself by shoving aside something else that barely has any room at all.

In many ways, I became the fan that frustrates me, that writes about Jewish characters celebrating Christmas, rather than the fan that I wanted to be, which gets excited about cultural overlap and similarities. I’m sorry and I apologize.

My first reaction was not to. My first reaction was to say it’s not the same. Because it isn’t the same. It’s never the same when minorities do things to each other. But even if that’s less destructive, in some ways it’s more painful, because that’s where we should be able to look to each other for solidarity. (Obviously this is in English language fandom - Chinese fans are not a minority in Chinese language fandoms!)

I do believe that there should be room to make silly posts about the Lans doing things that Jews do, because the Lans do do things that Jews do. When I made an edit where Lan Wangji was responding to Lan Qiren quoting in Hebrew from the Jewish prayerbook rather than the sect rule to distance from evil, I did that because he was saying the exact same thing. It was wonderful to me, that a Lan sect rule could be exactly the same as something I pray every morning.

That’s very different from when I wrote imagining the Lans as Jews which left no more room for the Lans as Chinese Buddhists. It’s those later things I apologize for and what I’ll be careful about in the future.

I do still want to return to something I said just above, however: “Because it isn’t the same. It’s never the same when minorities do things to each other.”

I worry, as I wrote in a separate post, about the tendency I see in anti-colonial, anti-imperialist spaces to look at Jewish practices and laws and culture and see it as an example of Western hegemony rather than as a survivor of it. Especially in a post that talks about the Chinese diaspora experience, where the very word diaspora was coined to describe the Jewish scattering across the globe and only much later was used for other cultures and peoples.

I don’t object to its now much more universal use as a word. It’s useful and it’s powerful and I believe it can be used to build solidarity. I do ask for, however, recognition that while Jews, especially in the West, might reproduce Western hegemony and use it against others, our own ethno-religious experiences bubbling up is not one of those reproductions.

In other words, when we erase, accidentally or purposefully, the Chinese cultural and religious contexts of characters in MDZS/CQL in our rush to write in Jewish cultural and religious contexts, we are doing harm as ourselves, not as representatives of Western/European/Christian hegemony. And in fact, what inspired us to write in our own contexts is that there are certain things (deference to elders, life carefully regulated by a series of laws about everything from interpersonal-ethical behavior to food habits to modes of speech, cultural horror regarding desecration of the dead, etc) we find in these stories that we don’t find in many Western stories that resonate with our own cultural background.

Which is not to erase the harm itself. I am sorry for it and I will do my best going forward to write about overlaps without erasing or replacing what is already there from the beginning and should remain so.

#my posts #too nervous to tag #but people may reblog #and if I'm wrong about any of it #please let me know

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tentendeservedbetter · 3 years

Text

home is where my team is - Chapter 4

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Read also here: AO3 | FFNET

Concentrate.

He swiftly hopped over a gigantic tree root on the path with ease, catching a better momentum through the uneven terrain made by the trees as he followed the white puppy that hopped alongside him.

Concentrate.

Kiba pushed his heel into the dirt once he reached flatter land between the trees, screeching to a halt, forcing Akamaru to stop a few centimeters ahead of him and looking back to him, waiting for Kiba to relay a command.

I gotta find her before the others do, Kiba thought as he inhaled sharply, twisting his head around. Her scent now muddles with the surrounding trees that he encountered as he reached deeper and deeper into the training grounds, away from the forest reached into his beige pack and pulled out the petal he took from the pile of Kurenai's petals that left behind.

The petal was real, alright. Kurenai said it was a Genjutsu - but does Genjutsu leave behind physical remnants?

Why didn’t Kiba pay attention to that section of class closely? The Academy teachers downplayed the art, saying it required specialized training to be able to be competent in the art, and he thinks he only had one Academy teacher who actually used Genjutsu, but only to demonstrate the effects.

Even that demonstration wouldn’t have prepared him for how Genjutsu would translate out in the shinobi world. The only thing Kiba remembered was how to expel a genjutsu when you were trapped in one and when a comrade had fallen for one; either you determining that you’re in a Genjutsu, expelling the illusion itelse, physically harm yourself forcing yourself out of the spell through pain, or a simple Tiger sign and concentrating the chakra to the tips of your index and middle fingers before tapping it on your fallen comrade’s forehead, disrupting their chakra flow and waking them up.

Without even thinking much of it, Genjutsu was complicated to use, going beyond his own abilities as a straight-from-the-Academy ninja, and much more complicated to understand compared to the two other arts.

The lectures they would have on Genjutsu always consisted of learning the ins and outs of the human brain and the nervous system, having to study systems within systems and how they were different from each other, and how Genjutsu works.

None of which Kiba absorbed, only remembering that the hippocampus had something to do with learning and it sounded really close to hippopotamus (which you have to admit, is a funny word), and Naruto must have cracked a joke about not having one in the middle of class and...

Can’t worry about the details now, Kiba thought as he lifted the pink petal up to his nose. I need to follow her scent.

Regardless of whether the petals were an after effect of Kurenai’s jutsu or not, Kiba knew one thing for sure; where there is something physical, there is a scent attached to it, and since the petals were from Kurenai, Kurenai must either smell like the flowers or vice versa.

Either way, it should link back to her.

It was like using the Substitution Jutsu; you substitute yourself with an object nearby, but your traces would still be on the item because you touched it yourself when you switched with the item.

Makes sense right?

Kiba won’t claim that he’s exceptional with his sense of smell compared to others within his clan, no, he still had a long way to go before he can have the type of chakra control they had, with a longer range and a stronger sense of smell, but he knew how to pick apart various overlapping scents, given that he had a guide that would enable him to pick up the scent he wanted to follow.

And with these petals that were found, they had a scent that led down a specific path; almost like a single invisible string connecting between the petals towards the Training Ground 1, the training ground closest to the Hokage Rock. The petals were similar to cherry blossoms, yet their scent was more like a garden of roses from what he could discern. Maybe there was more to it that he couldn’t determine at the moment, but the rosy scent was evident and stood out against the various scents found in the training ground, from the dirt underneath their sandals to the various trees that populated the land.

“Alright Akamaru,” Kiba said, squatting and holding the petal towards. Even if he managed to lose her scent, Akamaru had a sharper nose, being an actual dog and all, so if Kiba's underdeveloped sense of smell leads them astray or he can’t capture the scent anymore, Akamaru would be able to take the lead.

That’s what ninken - ninja hounds - were mostly used for, after all; they’re an asset for any ninja, especially for any ninja specializing in tracking. And with the Inuzuka clan, tracking is a must-have skill that all shinobi within the clan must possess.

That and, well, the ability to assault an enemy with said ninken.

Hopefully Kiba would be able to demonstrate his and Akamaru’s teamwork together; they may not have had that much time developing their ninja skills together, but Akamaru listened to Kiba and knew how he moved, which was more than enough at the moment.

“I got her scent, Master!” Akamaru barked, wagging his tail as he lifted his nose further through the trees to their left, further away from the river that broke through the training ground they were in and further with the trees. Kiba could smell the roses going deeper that direction as well, and nodded, giving Akamaru an affirmative grin while patting his head.

“Good job,” Kiba said in a more direct and deeper voice, trying to stop himself from sounding like he was cooing at his puppy (even thought, dammit, Akamaru looked really cute when he got excited and happy over doing something right), before standing up, facing the direction Akamaru had pointed out. “Let’s go!”

With Akamaru taking the lead, Kiba followed him with equal speed. They continued through the trees until Kiba could see a clearing in the distance where they were heading, the rosy scent he had lost earlier becoming suddenly clear as they approached it.

“Akamaru, stop,” Kiba commanded as he quickly halted, letting out a low whistle immediately to get Akamaru’s attention when they were a few meters away from the clearing.

“Be ready for anything, boy,” Kiba continued, his voice dropping, as he reached to the pack that sat on his waist, feeling his way around it, making sure he had everything he needed.

Kunais? Check.

Shurikens? Check.

Smoke bombs? Check.

Paper bombs? Check.

The four main items that a shinobi must have at all times on them - also known, in his head, as: Keep Shit (together) and Smoke Paper (Bombs). Iruka had probably taught them a more appropriate mnemonics, but this was the only one that stuck in his brain.

He then reached to the blue holster wrapped around his right thigh, an easy access point for the most pertinent items he would need to defend himself, having at least one of each item inside. When he made sure he had everything set, he glanced down to Akamaru, who was waiting patiently for his next command.

“Alright Akamaru, you know what we have to do,” Kiba replied. “She probably has that headband tight on her forehead, so we’re going to have to pull it all the way back. You think you can yank it off with one pull?”

“Yessir!” Akamaru barked with intense determination, sitting down and staring at Kiba with intent as Kiba explained their plan of action.

He wasn’t as a rash as he may appear to be- he knew that in order to achieve your goal, you have to have a complete plan to back it up. You especially needed to make sure everyone in your team knew what their job is.

And his team right now is himself and Akamaru.

“Alright...I’m counting on you buddy,” Kiba finished up as he lifted up his hand towards Akamaru in a high-five. Akamaru immediately tapped his hand with his own paw, his soft, padded soles light and small against Kiba’s palm.

C-Cute, the thought slipped into his mind for a moment, feeling his hand gravitating towards Akamaru’s head, fingers itching to pet him, but he held himself back. He shouldn’t be praising Akamaru too much. Kiba is trying to be a full-fledged shinobi; and a shinobi are not the coddling type, no sirree.

And he will especially not coddle his ninken, who’s supposed to obey what he has to say to begin with.

...okay maybe this once, Kiba finally thought, giving in and gave Akamaru a quick ruffle on his head, receiving a happy whine from his ninken as he closed his eyes, enjoying the massage.

“Let’s go,” Kiba said as he retracted his hand, standing up quickly as Akamaru barked a ‘yessir!’.

They silently walked towards the clearing, each step cautiously avoiding any twigs and leaves that would make any sort of sharp sound that would indicate they were nearby. The closer they got towards the last set of trees before the clearing, the louder Kiba could hear his heartbeat against his chest.

He wasn’t nervous, no way! ...Well, maybe a little, he never had to actually fight like this before, those sparring matches at the Academy definitely didn’t help...No, wait he can’t think this way! A shinobi should never be nervous! He just needed to calm down- just take a deep breath and focus on his objective...forget about the shame of returning to the Academy, if he comes home after failing an important test like this, imagine how hard his Mom would kick his ass in front of the whole neighbourhood! She’d be more strict than she already was, he didn’t need to have her on his case more than she already was! There’s no way he’s gonna go back to being treated as some little runt who had to be watched over and babied, no way-

“You found me.”

Kiba felt his heart skip a beat as he stared directly to the source of the voice, to find Kurenai standing on the opposite side of the clearing, her jet black hair and deep red dress sticking out like a sore thumb against the green around them.

Kurenai seemed to have been waiting by the tree just for Kiba to make his appearance. She stood up straight as she usually does, arms crossed over her chest, her hands empty - no kunai, no shuriken.

She just stood there.

Kiba’s eyes shifted around the clearing quickly, looking from the flat, ground relatively worn down, likely from the amount of people training on this surface, trying to look for anything that could tip off that it was a trap; some invisible thread, that might trigger a net trap and hoist both him and Akamaru up off from the ground and swinging on a tree branch. Or, maybe some dirt that looked freshly patted back on, hiding a deep hole in the ground.

“Kiba Inuzuka, was it?” Kurenai’s smooth voice broke through the silence, still standing straight, barely moving an inch as Kiba approached her. He stopped a few good meters away to allow him to see her and her immediate area. She paused as the wind started to blow sharply against his left cheek, her long black tresses swaying to the left. “From the great Inuzuka clan.”

“Damn right I am,” Kiba grinned at the mention of his clan, a sense of pride swelling in his chest, his voice loud and confident.

“And you’re Hana Inuzuka’s younger brother, correct?” Kurenai continued without missing a beat, unbothered by his confidence, watching him carefully. Kiba could feel the atmosphere still for a moment at the mention of his sister’s name, almost out of the blue.

“Yeah, I am,” Kiba replied, now a bit forceful with his words, trying not to appear hesitant at her question as he maintained his fighting stance. “What about it.”

“I’ve worked with her before,” Kurenai said, eyes never leaving the young boy. “She’s quite a brilliant girl; incredibly perceptive, amazing tracking abilities...I was surprised when she decided to pursue being a medic- a veterinarian at that- but, that job requires incredible finesse in many skills, so her abilities aren’t going to waste.”

“She does what she wants to do,” Kiba said courtly, squinting his eyes slightly, scanning around Kurenai, trying to discern anything out of the ordinary.

“Your clan is indispensable to Konoha; and those within your family have quite the presence within the shinobi force,” Kurenai continued with a soft smile. “I wonder if you’ll live up to their precedence.”

Kurenai lifted her arms with a quick motion, triggering Kiba to pull out a shuriken from his blue holster, holding it tightly in his right hand in front of him, positioning himself. Kurenai had her hands in front of her and quickly started to create hand signs, so fast that Kiba would have missed the sequence if he had blinked for a second too long.

Tiger. Boar. Ox. Dog.

A clone jutsu? Figures started to cleave out of Kurenai’s body, smoke appearing as clouds in front of them and as it slowly started to settle, revealing three Kurenais in a line, taking a slight forward leaning stance. Kiba's eyes trailed down, noticing her legs barely splitting far enough to take a proper stance in her dress, an arm in front of her chest, while the other arm was extended, parallel over her leg that was placed forward.

How is she going to fight like that? He never saw his mother or sister wearing a dress when they left for work, opting for the typical dark cargo pants and maybe the standard navy blue long sleeve shirt, with the spiral symbols on the side.

“Your Academy profile said that your strong suit was Taijutsu,” all three Kurenai replied, synchronically waving the hand that was outstretched, beckoning him to come towards her. “And you even said it yourself yesterday. Now...let’s see what you got.”

“Akamaru, to your left,” Kiba ordered immediately as all three Kurenais started to rush in towards him, one straight through the middle, while the other two looped around. Akamaru let out a bark of acknowledgment, already digging his paws into the ground, ready to pounce.

I already know that clones are useless and they can’t do anything, Kiba thought, glancing to the left. “So…”

Kiba stepped back as he did a roundhouse kick with his right leg to one of the Kurenais, who didn’t bother moving out of the way and dissipated as his leg swung through, flicking his right wrist to send the shuriken in his right hand flying straight towards the Kurenai heading towards him.

The centre Kurenai produced a kunai in her hand, slipping out of her left sleeve, and used it to deflect the shuriken away, sending it rocking towards the side and onto the ground.

So she’s the real one! Kiba thought, as he pulled out a kunai from his blue leg holster, throwing it so it landed a meter before Kurenai, slightly to the right of her running projection from his perspective.

“You missed,” Kurenai said, continuing to run, never straying from her path.

Kiba smirked at this, a crooked smirk with his fangs bearing, saying with a scoff, “No I didn’t.”

A hiss emitted from the spot that his kunai had just landed, the smell of burning paper suddenly infiltrated the air. Light grey smoke formed strings wafting upwards towards the atmosphere from the kunai, and if you looked closely, there was a piece of paper, the size of his hand with red borders, flapping around as it was slowly being eaten by a flame.

Kiba bent backwards, pushing his hands off the ground hard to get further back from the kunai’s site, taking a stance as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, bracing himself. Kurenai quickly halted to a stop, looking straight at the kunai, piercing eyes glancing at the kunai as she side-stepped to the left, but it was too small of a step to escape from the blast zone.

A flash of bright white light engulfed the surrounding ground, before a loud blast emitted, the heavy sounds of crumbling dirt and debris being pushed out and haphazardly slamming the ground, the shrubs, the trees. Big puffs of brown dust had engulfed the smoke, slanting and drifting with the direction of the wind.

Did we get her? Kiba thought, eyebrows furrowed as he wafted away the dust that had made its way towards him, shifting his eyes around as he blinked a few times. The sound of something skidding across the ground could be heard for a moment, before Kiba could see Kurenai emerge from the smoke, sliding directly opposite to where the bomb exploded, a hand on the ground to hasten her stop.

The dust started to settle more than before, and Kiba can see how scuffed her dress looked now with a layer of dust covering over it, the edges of the white stripes that zig zagged across her body looking frayed, stinging from the bomb. The explosion didn’t seem to have left much damage to her, though, just making her look like she rolled across the ground, her skin unscathed.

Once she stopped, Kurenai let out a hasty sigh, and looked up towards Kiba, who watched her for a moment. Her face was no longer the calm one that she had on earlier; her eyebrows were pulled in slightly, her eyes narrower.

Now she’ll take him seriously.

“That was a close one,” she said, maintaining her cool tone. “I admit, I underestimated your ability to strategize. If I had hesitated, I would’ve gotten hurt just now. Good thing your plan didn’t work-”

“That wasn’t my plan to begin with.”

Kiba didn’t think twice- he quickly put his thumb and index finger into his mouth, pushing it to the sides and onto his tongue as he let out a sharp whistle. Kurenai stared at him, eyes widening as she glanced around. There was a quick rasping sound that started to get louder.

CHE-CHE-CHE-CHE.

“What the-” Kurenai let out a gasp when she glanced towards the ground around her, the sounds from there, and before she could step away in time, the dirt beneath her crumpled and collapsed, crashing deeper into the earth.

Half a meter away from her, something bursted out from underneath the ground, a small figure popping out, it’s white fur covered in a layer of brown dirt.

“Akamaru!” Kiba cheered as the small figure that had popped out of the ground let out a bark in confirmation, shaking his body quickly to dissipate the dirt off his coat.

Kurenai’s feet disappeared into the ground, then her legs, her torso, until the tip of her black hair disappeared, a loud thump being emitted right afterwards and a grunt following suit.

“Alright!” Kiba continued victoriously, clenching his fist as he punched the air, running towards where Akamaru stood. “You did it, buddy!”

“Just as you planned!” Akamaru barked, panting as Kiba gave him a pat on the head.

And he was right. Kiba wasn’t trying to hurt Kurenai at all with that paper bomb. They didn’t want to fight.

The name of the game was to get the headband. While displaying his physical prowess would be on the top of his list of things to show off to his teacher, it wouldn’t matter how good he was unless he got that damn headband off her head.

Kiba’s eyes strayed from his face to the tip of Akamaru’s nose, the dirt still stuck, before continuing down to his paws. Some parts of Akamaru’s nails had chipped from digging into the soil, the hard dirt leaving scratches on what's left.

“I’ll make sure we get all that dirt out of your nails and everything tonight, alright boy?”

"Alright!" Akamaru barked, and Kiba started towards the hole, a kunai his hand, ready to get the headband from Kurenai.

He peered through the hole to find Kurenai sitting on the ground, and he grinned as he called out, "I guess that means I win sensei! Now if you don't mind, I'll be taking that headband of yours!"

Kurenai stared back up at him, saying nothing at first. Kiba could see, however, a ghost of a smile on her lips, and before he could say anything, white smoke emerged out of Kurenai's body, engulfing her.

A clone? Kiba though in disbelief, watching as the puffs of white smoke started to settle to the ground. In the place where Kurenai had just sat in was now a log about his size. No…A substitution jutsu!

“You really are full of surprises,” a voice hummed from behind him, so close to his body that he jolted forward, strangling the small yelp that was about to escape his mouth from being spooked so suddenly.

He didn’t have time to think- a new rush of adrenaline surged through his body, his heart beating quickly as he twisted his head back around, before spinning his whole body back with his heels, swinging a hooked punch directly towards Kurenai. Unwittingly, despite his reactionary swing being fast, his fist was caught by and hit a bandaged hand, causing a surge of back that held onto his fist, squeezing it hard suddenly as her sharp, red finger dug into the back of his hand, cutting into his skin, a sharp pain coming

Kiba lifted his leg, kicking downwards at an angle towards Kurenai’s shin, forcing her to step to the side, as he did a high back kick to where she stood. She quickly let go of his fist, jumping back to avoid his heel to her chin.

Gotta push her back and make her waste her energy! Kiba thought as he felt his breathing hitch up as he threw a punch, rotating his hip to maximize its force as Kurenai rotated her body sideways, his fist barely touching her stomach. He managed to take a step forward, making his body face towards her, and did an uppercut punch with his other hand towards her chin, however, Kurenai reacted quickly and stepped backwards, away from him.

“You’re using your fists,” Kurenai noted while she took a step back. “I thought your clan likes to gouge their enemies?”

“You want me to fight like that?” Kiba growled as he loosened his fists immediately. “I’ll fight like that!”

He flexed the top parts of his fingers in, as he swiped out across Kurenai’s face as she blocked it with an arm. His clan’s fighting style - Juujin Taijutsu or Man Beast Technique - was the Inuzuka technique that was known for being.. well...more ferocious and wild compared to other fighting styles. They continued to spar as Kiba continued to swipe his hand around, trying to claw at Kurenai, but she was too fast - she either dodged or blocked, circling around him to avoid getting hit.

He could feel his arms starting to ache slightly, the lactic acid building up and making his muscles feel stiff. There was a sharp cramp in his stomach, but he had to break Kurenai down.

“Akamaru, jump!” Kiba commanded.

“On it!”

He can feel the light step of Akamaru’s paws jumped on top of Kiba’s shoulder and running along his extended arm towards Kurenai, mouth open, fangs baring. Akamaru did a quick snap of the teeth against the side of her headband, ripping it off her forehead and yanking it through her hair, making her head snap back from the force of his bite.

“Nice one Akamaru!” Kiba said as he pulled away, Kurenai stumbled backwards from being tugged back, but planted her feet quickly and maintained her stance.

“Alright!” Kiba whooped, punching the air triumphantly as Akamaru bounced up and down around his feet. “We got it! We passed the test!”

“Yay!” Akamaru yipped with excitement. Kiba glanced down to his companion, grinning, and gave a satisfied pat on his head.

Alright! Now time to take the prize-

“You haven’t figured it out yet, have you?”

Kiba felt his heart skip suddenly, the atmosphere frozen at the coldness of her voice, distant and an echo. Kiba glanced back towards her, her torso bent forward as she stood up, facing his direction, her long black tresses covering her face. She stood up straight as she ran a bandaged hand through the middle of her hair, pushing it aside.

"What are you on about-"

“The flower petal,” Kurenai replied, barely moving an inch as her eyes trailed down to his pack. “You used it to find me, didn’t you?”

“What d’ya mean?” Kiba snapped back immediately, not understanding as he followed her gaze and glanced down. Kurenai’s silent stare made his hand slip into the pack hesitantly.

A glitch jolted through the pink petal within a fraction of a second, breaking the petal in half, before it dissolved and dissipated into his hand, disappearing without a trace.

“What the-” Kiba gasped as he lifted his hand up to his eye level, squeezing his fingers against his palm as he opened and closed it a few times, flipping his palm down to look at the back of his hand. “Where’d it go!”

“Master, the headband!” Akamaru exclaimed quickly, making Kiba whip his head back down towards his other hand that held Kurenai’s headband. He stared with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open in shock as the handband started to have jolts of empty space punctured along the headband, before becoming fuzzy and melting into his hand, leaving no traces of its behind.

“What the hell!? What’s going on?”

“I thought you would at least figure it out by now,” Kurenai replied, her voice light and airy, as if genuinely mystified by Kiba’s behaviour. “I even left a hint before we fought-”

“What hint?! What are you on about!” Kiba barked back, feeling a combination of annoyed and confused anger at what was happening before his eyes.

“...Your teammate, Shino,” Kurenai continued cautiously, and Kiba could feel his teeth grinding at the mention of his teammate. “Figured out they weren’t real immediately. Before we began, I did mention that everything was a genjutsu, after all.”

A..a genjutsu?

“So...am I even in the training grounds,” Kiba replied hesitantly. “Or am I...still at the Hokage Rock? No wait, but...everything felt normal until I got here...it was the usual distance...Hold on... wait I’m confused...shit-”

“Language,” Kurenai interrupted, eyebrows pulling in slightly. “This is something they taught you in class. Genjutsu is all about manipulation. Sometimes, it’s the little things...the things you think are there, but are actually not there.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll figure it out,” Kurenai continued, her face softening slightly. “I’ll leave you alone for now. But next time we face each other...I won’t be so easy on you. Think before you move.”

With that, Kurenai disappeared into the backdrop, leaving not a single trace of her behind as Kiba watched with wide eyes and gritted teeth.

He was confused.

And he was pissed off.

How did he manage to get himself into a genjutsu? When did he get himself into a genjutsu?

Kiba lifted his left hand up, grimacing, inhaling deeply.

He closed his eyes, to prevent his mind psyching himself out. Drawing a kunai from his pack with his right hand, he placed his left palm to face sideways, and quickly pushed the sharp tip of the kunai in, beyond the epidermis into the tissue, a sharp pain immediately following as gushes of blood slowly leaking from the parameter of the kunai, down to his wrist.

His eyes shot open as he immediately sat up with a sharp breath, wincing while pulling the kunai out of his palm. All the endurance training, physical and mental, during his Academy years and his mom’s ass kicking might have helped him with his higher pain tolerance, making the pain comparable to a slight sting, but the action of stabbing himself made him cringe in slight fright - it’s something he still needs to work on.

“Dammit,” Kiba muttered as he quickly scrunched his bleeding palm against his sleeve, putting a slight pressure against it, trying to stop the bleeding. He was sure he didn’t push too deep and hit any veins, but he didn’t want to lose more blood than he needed too. And he especially did not need to get an infection from having an open wound - he would never hear the end of it for both his mom and sister.

He levelled out his breathing, glancing around. He was alone in the same place where he was with Kurenai before - the same landing, the same ground, the same trees…everything was in place except for Kurenai’s presence.

He sniffed, concentrating on trying to capture Kurenai’s scent- but all that he could smell were the trees around him, the green leaves and the water from a stream nearby where he sat. The rosy scent was nothing more than a memory, barely a trace in the air.

But how?

A scent never disappears. Even if you cover it up, there will always be a trail that is left behind…

From the corner of his eyes he could see a small, tuff of white curled up beside, and he glanced down to find Akamaru, eyes closed, sound asleep under the genjutsu Kurenai had placed on them.

“Akamaru, wake up,” Kiba croaked out, tapping the puppy with his non bleeding hand, but Akamaru kept snoring away, barely reacting to Kiba’s touch. Kiba had to use pain to bypass the genjutsu and escape it; if it can be avoided, he could also disturb the genjutsu if he pulsed a bit of his chakra into the affected person's...or, in this case, dog's...chakra system.

Letting go off the pressure on his hand, Kiba lifted both hands up in front of him, intertwining both of his ring and baby fingers together, leaving his middle, index, and thumb to press together, as he concentrated his chakra to flow towards his hands. At least he picked up something from his lessons that he could use.

Kai! He tapped his right fingers over Akamaru’s forehead.

“What happened?” Akamaru asked with a light bark, moving his head around, surveying the area around them. “Where is Kurenai-sensei?”

“We got trapped in her genjutsu,” Kiba replied, crossing his arms, his eyebrows automatically pulled in as he replayed everything that had happened, from the moment Kurenai disappeared while they were on top of the Hokage Rock all the way until he came down to the Training Grounds and supposedly confronted her.

A genjutsu within a genjutsu…

It all started with those petals...Touching had triggered the genjutsu to start and lead him down to Training Ground 1...but those were definitely not real, they were illusions, so how was he able to follow the scent?

What did Iruka-sensei teach us, Kiba scrunched up his face as he recollected his memories, shifting through all the classes he sat in, all those times he sat in those goddamned uncomfortable benches. Think...Think…

“Besides taijutsu and ninjutsu, another ninja art that a shinobi must learn and understand is genjutsu. Learning genjutsu is quite hard compared to the other two arts, though; it requires time and practice. At the Academy, we won’t teach you any genjutsus, but we still want you to know what it is and how to prepare for it, ” Iruka’s voice rang into Kiba's mind, as he tried to recollect his teacher's words. They were in class, just like any other day at the Academy; though it was at the beginning of his shinobi Academy years and they were covering basic theory about the different shinobi arts. “First, we need to understand what Genjutsu means. It literally means ‘Illusionary Technique’- therefore, we can refer to it as the Art of Illusion.”

He remembered Iruka walking towards the board, notes in hand as he picked up a piece of chalk and started to write on the chalkboard, writing down the symbols of the word and his short definition. Iruka then turned towards the class, and continued.

“Illusions. What is the definition of illusions?”

“Illusions are things that you think are there but are not actually there. Like a mirage; it’s an optical illusion that is created by refraction of light from the sky when it’s really hot,” a different voice piped up further away from where Kiba sat, closer to the front row, a girl’s voice...it must have been Sakura Haruno, his pink haired classmate; she was always the first one to raise her hand. Smart girl, for sure, but man, was she annoying as hell.

“That’s correct, Sakura,” Iruka said with a smile. “But there is a key component that you are missing. That definition implies that it’s only illusions that we are able to see that can occur; but that’s not accurate.”

Iruka quickly jotted a word on the board that Kiba couldn’t bring himself to remember, before etching 5 lines branching out of the word he wrote, jotting down a word by each of these lines.

“I want you guys to remember this: illusions are anything that can be perceived wrong by ⬛⬛⬛⬛,” Iruka said as he returned to face the class, the words barely reaching Kiba’s ears, as Iruka tapped underneath the word that was centred between the lines. “⬛⬛⬛⬛ are manipulated and influenced by Genjutsu, either together or separately. Now, we’ll get into the intricacies of how exactly genjutsu affects our bodies. I assume you all read the assigned readings? All of this and the readings are a part of your first test, after all.”

Grumbled responses filled immediately out, as students shuffled around to pick out their notebooks and textbooks, Kiba kept staring at the board, already having everything out but not bothering to write it down, knowing that he would just cram everything and purge out the memory of Genjutsu by the time he left the Academy. Like Iruka said, they had to know about it, but how useful is it if most shinobi don’t use it?

He was such an idiot. Why didn’t he write any of this down? He remembers cramming for this test but...the moment he finished the test and handed it in, his head went back to being empty and blank.

Genjutsu is the art of illusion, Kiba repeated in his head. And illusions are anything that can be perceived wrong by...by what? Was it...was it senses?

It sounded right. Optical illusions, like a mirage, are what affects your sight and your other senses.

“She said she gave me a hint before we started fighting,” Kiba muttered to himself. “What was it?"

He looked around at his surroundings. A gust of wind, cold and dry, came through, hitting Kiba on his left cheek once again, making his head turn away slightly like he had to do earlier…

Her hair blew to my left, Kiba realised, remembering the way Kurenai’s hair sway. But the wind…

An optical illusion. That should’ve hinted that he was in her genjutsu immediately. How could he not realise that something was off right away?! Looking back at it, it was obviously an error in what he saw- how could he let that slide?!

Alright, but those are not the only senses humans have, Kiba continued his train of thought.

Sight is a major sense, for sure, but there’s also sound, touch, taste…and...

Smell.

And if Genjutsu can affect them all together or separately...

“Nooo,” Kiba groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, scrunching up his face.

“What’s wrong?” Akamaru asked, pushing off the ground with his two front legs, balancing on his two rear legs, setting his front paws on top of Kiba’s bare knees, the soft padding of his soles bringing little comfort to Kiba at the moment.

“I don’t think we’re going to be able to smell her out that easily, boy,” Kiba said with a huff, glancing up. “The flower petal wasn’t the only thing she manipulated. The scent from the smell and associating it with her...that was part of the manipulation. Makes sense...that petal was a cherry blossom but it smelled like roses…The moment the petal left, so did the scent...”

And if she can manipulate her smell, that means she can easily mislead us and push us away from her, Kiba thought, lifting himself off of the ground, staggering slightly. This is going to be harder than I thought it was gonna be, dammit!

He glanced up to the sky, the sun rising further up, brightening the sky further revealing bluer shades, higher than where it had stood when he left. An hour must have passed since this test started. That means he only has four hours left to find Kurenai, take her headband, and officially be inaugurated as a shinobi like he should be.

But the question is… how is he going to find her?

He's back at square one - he doesn’t have a piece of clothing from her or even a strand of hair; the whole fight occurred in a genjutsu. That Kurenai was far from real, and she was probably watching and controlling the illusion play out from a distance.

For all Kiba knows, she could have left as soon as she set up the genjutsu within the genjutsu...man, this the most he’s actually thought about the word genjutsu before.

“Shit...Shit, what am I gonna do now?” Kiba kicked the dirt with the toe of his sandal, trying not to let his annoyance and anger get the best of him, trying to rack his brain for a solution to this entire mess.

He knew he was wasting time; he probably lost an hour already from getting caught in that genjutsu, from the way the sun was sitting in the sky, and with every second he stands there

Akamaru was sniffing the air, his tail wagging excitedly as he started panting, as he bounced around on his paws, barking, "Master! Master! I smell someone!"

"Who is it, Akamaru?"

"Hinata!" Akamaru barked cheerfully, glancing up to him with excited eyes. "She's in the training grounds!"

"She is?" Kiba asked, lifting his head, sharply inhaling, trying to discern through any of the scents, but he didn’t necessarily know what scent he was looking for. Everything was melding together, a hodgepodge of deep, green, pine bark and moist dirt and dewed grass....He couldn’t catch anything out of place that would indicate that a person was anywhere nearby.

Everything has a scent. Everyone has a scent. That doesn’t mean, however, that Kiba was familiar with all the scents in the world.

And especially not another person’s scent.

Being Hinata’s classmate from a young age, he had a lingering notion of what she would smelled like- but it was not enough for him to recognize it instantaneously compared to how he’s able to recognize his friends’ scent, and it was definitely not enough for him to find it amongst all these other scents around him. He would need something that belonged to her with her scent, like her jacket to have a temporary sense of her smell.

But for him to really understand someone’s scent, to really etch it into your memory, well...it’s more intimate than that.

Hopefully it doesn’t get to that point with them, though.

“Where is she?” Kiba continued to Akamaru, his tongue sticking out, waiting for Kiba’s next command. “How far is she?”

Akamaru circled around a bit as he continued to sniff the air, closing his eyes slightly as he paused for a few seconds, before he sat down, his head facing straight, saying, “She’s on the edge of the area that way. About...2 km away!”

No wonder I couldn’t smell her, Kiba thought, scrunching up his nose slightly. As much as he is embarrassed to admit it, his range in scents is not as mature as it could be...he’s been trying to expand it the past year, but there’s only so many ways to expand one’s sense of smell when you were already familiar with your surroundings and nothing new really shows up to force you to focus.

I can’t let them know that though, Kiba shook his head. He can’t let that distract him. He needs to find Kurenai as soon as he can and get that damn headband off her head!

“Master! I think there’s someone else there!” Akamaru spoke up after a few moments. “There’s an unfamiliar scent in the same direction as Hinata!”

“Unfamiliar scent?” Kiba repeated, piercing eyes widening for a moment as he stared towards the direction that Akamaru was looking at. That must be...

Kiba stared at the trees before him for a moment; judging by how the sun had risen, he can only assume that the dense forest before him would lead them towards the direction of the wall that surrounded the village. Hinata should be directly across from where he was standing...maybe a bit further in, considering how much time he must have spent in that genjutsu.

“They seem to be staying in one place!” Akamaru continued, waiting patiently for Kiba’s next move. “What should we do next?”

Kiba pondered this for a moment, his gaze returning to the ground. What should he do...Should he just follow through and go to where Hinata is? What if he has to fight Hinata for the headband...Well it’s not like he’s worried about wrestling the headband out of her hand.

And it is not like standing around here, thinking too hard about what he should do, is going to make Kurenai come to him- the goal of this game is to hunt her down, no matter what.

Kiba took a step towards Akamaru, determination coursing through his body as he grinned at Akamaru. “We find them.”

She ran through the trees, not at the usual full speed that she would normally take, but quick enough to let her take in her surroundings and be alert for any changes in her environment that felt out of place.

I have to hurry...I have to find Kurenai-sensai and pass!

Hinata wasn’t sure how long she'd been running at this pace, but she knew she couldn’t stop anytime soon. Thankfully, Kiba told her which direction Kurenai was heading, and with that in mind, Hinata was able to make her way through Training Ground 1, using the tracking skills she used from the Academy to follow a clear cut path. Kurenai must’ve laid a few traps along the way- trip wires, nets, you name it- Hinata found a trail of them along the way, hidden by the grass and bushes, that she disarmed so it didn’t hurt anyone else who could have encountered them.

She thought of it as a sort of favour, she guessed, to the others. She knew that they were supposed to be her competition, her rivals in this little test to become a shinobi, but... Kiba didn’t have to tell them where she was. He could have kept it to himself, but he decided to tell Shino and her where Kurenai was heading, saving them time...

Maybe...maybe he’s not so scary after all… Hinata thought, stopped along her tracks at a small clearing between the trees, catching her breath for a while. It’s too bad we can’t be a team...Or, atleast, that’s what Kurenai-sensei said.

That’s all Hinata could really think about as she travelled through the grounds, trying to track Kurenai down, her words echoing in her head. Why would the Hokage put them into teams like this- carefully considering their skills, their backgrounds, their academic performance - only for Kurenai to tell them that she would only accept one? She did believe Kurenai’s words about being sent back to the Academy, and yet…

This felt counter to everything she was taught in the Academy. Throughout her years studying in elementary school and during the Shinobi Academy, there was an underlying emphasis for everyone to collaborate and work together, no matter what. Always trying to make things work, even if you were paired up with people you didn’t necessarily get along with (not that Hinata didn’t get along with anyone...but she wasn’t necessarily friends with anyone).

An elevated patch in the clearing in front of her drew her attention, the obvious height difference making it difficult to ignore. Hinata threw a kunai towards the elevated patch with as much force as she could muster in her arm, hitting it somewhere around the middle, and the patch collapsed from the weight of the kunai, folding into the emptiness inside.

Another trap? Hinata thought, as she carefully walked around. Kurenai must have set these up beforehand, but it was hard for Hinata to believe that Kurenai would actually take the time to dig up so many holes in the ground...

From the fresh dirt pebbles that strayed further ahead beyond the hole, Hinata assumed that Kurenai must have headed even further into the training grounds in the directions the dirt led. For a Jonin, Kurenai was pretty sloppy, in Hinata’s humble opinion...or she must have wanted Hinata to find her to begin with.

Regardless, from this point on, Hinata sensed that she had to be even more careful than before. She pulled out a kunai from her beige pack, holding it close to chin as she started to walk carefully through a pair of bushes. She could see more light coming from beyond a few trees ahead; indicating a larger clearing was nearby. Running water, bubbling and splashing rocks, could be heard distantly as she started to make her way towards the tree; she must have been near the edge of the grounds, where it laid against the wall that guarded the Village. The river fed through from the outside land, carrying fresh water and little minnows along the way, and was a place that she had seen a few students playing hooky when they were practicing their tracking skills.

As she started to reach the open landing, she caught a scent in the air that came out of nowhere, a heavy rosy perfume that filled her nostrils, and she could feel her breath hitch as she paused momentarily. Hinata continued, cautiously, quietly, and she squatted and crawled behind a few bushes when she could see the clearing in its entirety.

There stood Kurenai, her red dress a stark contrast and making her an obvious target, standing as she stared off towards the river to Hinata’s right.

She had to think of a game plan. Quickly. What should she do? What can she do? Kurenai was right in front of her and hadn’t spotted Hinata as of yet...she has the element of surprise on her side. She needs to use that to her advantage!

I have smoke bombs...maybe I could throw it at her and come behind her...no, but it could make a sound if I threw it and would give where I am away… I know! Maybe I could throw a shuriken at an angle and it can come around like a boomerang and can somehow confuse her? No...I’m not really good at throwing shurikens in a straight line anyways, how would I angle it to come around...

The silence was getting the best of Hinata, as did her rising anxiety as she tried to formulate a plan.

She could feel her heart beating louder and louder with every shuffled step she took towards Kurenai, her ears and wrists throbbing from her blood pulsing through her veins. She subconsciously tightened her grip on her kunai, so tight that her hand started to shake slightly as it started to turn pale.

She can’t see me, Hinata told herself, taking a shallow breath. I just have to make sure I don’t make a sound-

SNAP!

Hinata froze as she looked down, biting down on her lip hard to stop herself from yelping at the sight of her foot stepping on a twig - a small, harmless twig. Kurenai’s head snapped immediately towards the direction Hinata stood, eyes immediately meeting hers, unwavering.

“Who’s there?” Kurenai asked, never moving a muscle. Hinata, slightly embarrassed by her amateur mistake, shuffled past the bush into the open landing, keeping the hand that held the kunai in the same place, except her grip was tighter.

“Hinata,” Kurenai said, her tone inflecting, slightly surprised to see the young Hyuuga. “You found me. That was pretty fast. How were you able to do it?”

“I-I-” Hinata stumbled over her words, glancing between Kurenai and the ground, feeling her blood running cold. She could feel Kurenai’s eyes drilling into her, watching her every movement, from the way her hand shakes slightly to the quiver of her lips as she tried to form words.

“If you keep holding your kunai like that, you’re going to drop it.”

Hinata forced herself to look up to stare back at Kurenai, directly into her eyes, flecked with gold specks along the brown of her irises-

Her irises...

"Your eyes," Hinata spoke suddenly, a bit too loudly for even herself, feeling her fingers around the hilt of the kunai loosening as she continued to stare. “Are not brown.”

Within a split second, the tips of Kurenai's lips flicked upwards, a soft smile, and their surroundings melded together, Kurenai disappearing into the surrounding spaces.

“I’m happy that you figured out the genjutsu,” Kurenai's voice came from behind Hinata, and she spun around immediately, keeping her guard up, but not moving immediately to her weapon pouch. Kurenai, red irises and all, walked from behind a tree and towards Hinata, keeping a fair distance as she stopped. “I can’t say that same about your teammate, though.”

“You already faced them?” Hinata asked. Of course, Hinata was already falling behind compared to her peers. How long has it been since the test started? An hour? Two hours? Regardless, Hinata took way longer than she should have to track Kurenai down- especially if she was supposed to be a part of a tracking team.

“One of them,” Kurenai said. “Kiba, I believe his name was. The one with the dog. But he got stuck in another one of my genjutsus, so I doubt he'll wake up anytime soon.”

Wake...up? Hinata repeated, feeling her heartbeat picking up pace, louder and louder, her imagination of what her other genjutsus could have entailed. This one was easy and light; it was a simple perspective illusion, a minute detail that didn’t lead into any sort of injury.

Or, atleast, Hinata was able to get out of it before she could have been injured.

“I know your clan specializes in a unique form of Taijutsu,” Kurenai said as she started to make a few hand signs. Hinata’s eyes automatically traced them, following them, but she was not able to recognize the sequence.

And she didn’t want to find out what it was.

In a split second, she threw the kunai towards Kurenai as a means to distract her, but Kurenai simply stepped aside, the metal whizzing past her at an alarming speed. Kurenai finalized the hand sign, and suddenly puffs of smoke started to surround her, making Hinata take a step back and squinting to peer through the smog.

Once the fog settles, Kurenai stands there with...a few other Kurenais?!

A clone jutsu! Hinata thought, as she took a horse stance, and arm up with the palm of her hand facing outwards, the other hand sitting against her hip and facing downwards, open, readying herself.

The Gentle Fist - the fighting style of her clan - required her to have a more open stance and use her palms and fingers instead of her fists to attack and that more grounded stances that they are usually taught. The Gentle Fist was advantageous with the Byakugan - being able to see the inner working of the chakra network enables her to see the points that would affect the person the most to disarm them, and the Gentle Fist works symbiotically with the Byakugan, making it a dangerous weapon in itself. It was safer for her to use this as well; the style allows for evading most taijutsu attacks. And she definitely needs it; she doesn’t know what kind of fighting style Kurenai uses and she needs to figure it out before she can even think of getting her headband.

“I want to see how good your taijutsu is,” all of the Kurenais, six to be exact, said in unison, taking on a stance with one arm forward and straight, the other one up and in a fist.

One of the Kurenais started to charge towards Hinata; an unusual strategy, usually shinobi would use the clones all at once to confuse the opponent. Hinata could only assume that this was a clone and the real Kurenai was testing her out to see how Hinata would react.

Kurenai came up to her and threw a direct punch, Hinata swinging her back leg around to dodge the move in a circular motion, without ever losing balance. She striked forward with the palm closest to her hip towards Kurenai’s shoulder, who bent backwards, narrowly missing the strike and taking a step back. Hinata kept striking as she stepped forward, finding a rhythm in her strikes as her movements became faster, Kurenai blocking and bending to dodge the attacks. There was a moment where Kurenai’s stomach was exposed, no arms covering the spot, and Hinata bent lower, striking Kurenai with the push of her palm.

Hinata expected the clone to disappear immediately into the palm of her hand, dissipating and phasing into the air, but instead the clones turned into a big puff of smoke, white and thick that floated down to the ground.

I-Illusions? Hinata thought as she spun around and threw a shuriken towards one of the Kurenai clones that came towards her while the others waited and watched. The shuriken hit the clone with a sharp tack to the throat, the clone falling to the ground before a big puff of smoke was released from the clone, engulfing it. Usually the Clone Jutsu would faze out, any objects easily being passed through, but this clone seemed to have a physical, material body.

Another clone appeared through the smoke of the first clone with a punch, Hinata pivoting just in time to avoid contact, before the clone started to throw a few punches at her, pushing her back as she tried to avoid the hits. The clone quickly dropped to the ground and hooked her leg around Hinata’s leg in the middle of her stepping back, sending Hinata’s body swinging upwards in midair, before falling to the ground with a loud THUD.

“Eugh!” Hinata cried out as she fell to the ground onto the side of her hip, a sharp pain stinging through her pelvic bone and muscles, quickly putting her arm up in order to cushion her head from hitting the ground hard.

Using one hand, she waited until a punch came towards her and she lifted her hand gently and guided the clone’s fist, following along the arm pushing it away from her, circumventing the pathway before forming an open knifed hand and karate chopped the clone’s neck as she stood up with a quick flick.

She didn’t think it was as strong of a cut, but it had an intense effect on the clone, and she could hear a thud as her hand connected with the neck, feeling flesh and bone, slightly warm. The clone, just like that last one she had hit, suddenly exploded into white smoke.

Hinata shuffled back further, taken aback from the contact, even more confused than before. What is this thing?

Horse. Tiger. Boar. Hare. Rat. Dog. Horse. Dog. Hare. Rat. Boar. Snake.

Byakugan!

A sudden burst of adrenaline surged through her body, her head tensing slightly as she felt her temples start to flex. She opened her eyes quickly, feeling a slight external release of chakra from her eyes, and her vision cleared as she saw the world, in what she would describe, with an extra layer of film over everything. The colours were the same- the same green trees and the same blue sky -, but she noticed all the fine details suddenly, everything sharpening and contrasting, and within that scope she saw a blue energy spilling out of the peoples in front of her.

A substitution jutsu? Hinata thought, but upon taking a deeper look, she was shocked at the sight that laid before her. All the clones had chakra inside of them, evenly divided, the blue liquid circling around their body, eclectic and sparking with the pace of a pump of the heart.

She has never seen clones having chakra, they were always blank inside; they weren’t supposed to be carrying any type of chakra actually. It’s how she would have been able to discern which Kurenai was the real one. Was this something that she didn't learn about at school?

She didn’t have time to critique the Leaf Village’s academic learning plan; another Kurenai came towards her and she stood up immediately, spared with it a bit before she struck the Kurenai clean in the stomach, right on one of the main chakra points, white smoke cascading around her hand. There were still three more Kurenai's left; two of which should be clones. But which ones were the fakes?

I can’t tell them apart at all! Hinata said as another Kurenai came towards her. She would just have to keep fighting until there was only one left. She continued to parry and spar with the Kurenais, and she could feel her movement starting to slow down, her strikes becoming weaker, and her resorting to circular dodges in order to evade an attack that could leave her in the hospital for a few days. Her hip that she fell on continued to sting, as did her legs from taking a horse stance and sparing for longer than she expected with the Byakugan.

Finally, she managed to strike the last clone, leaving only Kurenai standing.

“I have to admit, I underestimated you Hinata,” Kurenai said suddenly, as she stood up. “I didn’t think you’d be able to endure for this long.”

Hinata could start to feel her eyes becoming wearing, stinging slightly as tears started to form, forcing her to blink a few times. How long had she been using the Byakugan for? The longest she had been able to use the Byakugan continuously was for 5 minutes, and even then, her sight started to blur slightly and her eyes became hurt, forcing her to stop and rest. She must be at that point right now where she couldn’t maintain her Byakugan any longer- if she tries to go on, she might actually cause more harm than good to herself.

I can’t… Hinata started to blink her eyes rapidly, trying to keep her eyes focused, but her eyes became even more watery. I can’t keep it up!

She can feel the veins along her temples relaxing, the sight of the chakra system disappearing, as a pulsing headache started to form. Suddenly, she felt her knees buckle, and she became self aware of how sore her entire body felt. She rarely used the Byakugan while sparring an opponent; it was always test dummies that were set up in the courtyard, and even then, it was exhausting. And Kurenai was a tough opponent to fight against; this was nothing like the Academy fights at all. She did have hands-on practice with Neji during the last year, but he oftentimes went very easy on her while they practiced sparring, avoiding any type of serious injury to Hinata (obviously, Neji was forced to spar with her and not out of his own volition, she had heard her father order him to do so behind closed doors).

She overdid it, more than she intended to; she was careless and used the Byakugan for too long, and now she can barely move. Everything started to spin slightly, and she stumbled a bit forward, closing her eyes, trying to relax herself as she fell to the ground, exhaustion taking over.

Hinata heard footsteps coming towards her, and she mustered up the strength to open one of her eyes and saw Kurenai’s feet right in front of her.

Move...move... Hinata groaned, and tried to push herself up, but she heard Kurenai say, “I’m not going to hurt you...but for now just sleep.”

Hinata felt a wave drowsiness suddenly fall over her head, and before she could say anything, everything went black.

#homeiswheremyteamis #naruto #hinata #kiba #shino #team 8 #naruhina #konoha 12 #hinata hyuuga #shino aburame #kiba inuzuka

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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YO SEBAS’ ROUTE HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED FOR JP I CANT WAIT!!! Do you have any theories of what could happen in his route?!?

Haha, yes, I saw this morning! For those who haven’t yet seen the announcement, it has been said that Sebastian’s route will be coming to the JPN version of Ikevamp on August 25th! It’s very exciting news, and I can’t wait to get started translating after I finish Dazai’s.

Honestly I’m finding this so many degrees of hilarious because I was like “oh ya I’m curious” at first, but after seeing that character introduction video with the lil forehead kiss and the horny as all HELL biting, I’m SLAMMING the horny button holy shit??? (I have that card CG in the JPN ver of the game on my phone and. lord jesus. That scowl. WILL HE STEP ON ME ONEGAI AKIHIKO)

Putting the rest under a cut bc is long and has some JPN ver spoilers:

That being said, let’s address the second part of the ask, shall we? Theories! If I’m honest I’m not surprised Sebastian was next on the docket, but I do admit I’m thoroughly surprised by the CG of him biting MC in earnest--he visibly draws blood on her neck and shoulder. This raises so many questions that are likely to be reiterated endlessly until his rt comes out in full, the most pressing of which is: does Sebastian turn into a vampire? Or is he just really into sadistic foreplay?

If I’m honest I sincerely don’t know if he’s fully turned, only because I’m trying to sort out the information we do have. Why turn into a vampire if the goal is to be with MC, who is also human? If we follow this course of thought, it doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it?

But then our boi Sebas is different in terms of his internalized conflict when compared to the vampires. Granted I may turn out to be wrong about this, but I think the two focal points of his route will be as follows: insecurity and the pursuit of knowledge. Remember that the reason Sebastian (our dearest Akihiko Sato) agrees to Comte’s proposal at all is his insatiable curiosity. I mean just think about it. If Comte told all that stuff about the mansion to someone in modern times, they would probably just figure he was a crazy person and go on with their day. But Sebas, the absolute madlad, agreed; he wanted to see if it was true, and to learn everything he could about people who exhibit extraordinary talent.

I foresee that this, however, may become a double-edged sword. Curiosity killed the cat, as they say. What I mean to say is that it could be very possible he might turn or undergo something similar to the changing process in order to experience what it’s like firsthand (whether to prove he can handle it or because he wants to understand the residents better/gather info). Furthermore, while Sebastian is curious--with no malicious intent at all--this doesn’t mean that envy is impossible in this kind of scenario, either. Admiration and envy are like two sides of a coin; depending on how one interprets information, they can skew to self-consciousness or inspiration. Given the content I’ve seen for Sebastian so far (and man has it been limited as all heck) I often get the implication that he truly does feel inadequate in some ways compared to the other men. As soon as MC chooses him a kind of overwhelming awareness of his normalcy begins; the implication that he is the wrong or lesser choice. Knowing this, I truly wouldn’t be surprised if problems arise as a result of this self-effacing.

(Note: I don’t think that about Sebastian at all, personally! I think he’s very mindful of others and really astute--to say nothing of his skill when it comes to the domestic sphere. I don’t think just anybody could do what he does, and he sells himself far too short. I always think of how the men call him the Ninja Butler and praise how capable he is, how they freely admit the place wouldn’t be the same without him. Sometimes I wish Sebas could see that, though I understand his concerns as well ;-; I’m always torn bc I’ll be like “I understand but alSO N O”)

Besides those latent insecurities, time to expand more on the pursuit of knowledge. In one way this drive might feed his self-derision; he might believe that the more he is able to do and understand and study, the more he can be of use/help other people. (Put simply his value as a person = the increasing extent of his knowledge in an almost linear relationship; without it he is nothing). On the other hand, I think he just genuinely enjoys collecting information the way he does! He likes assessing all the different ways people behave and why, and how this contributes to how they think and who they are. More insight offers him more ways to preoccupy his endlessly moving mind, but it also offers proximity with the subject in question. This to me is absolutely key--I think so much of his studying the great men is linked to his admiration, his wish to be like them and/or his wish to be close to them.

I’d like to address a quick reference to the drinking event that recently released in the ENG version of the app, if only to expand on/clarify where this is coming from. It essentially featured Sebastian and Napoleon sharing a drink together at a bar and in it, Sebastian speaks to the way that he encountered Napoleon in his life, and the reason why he grew so fond of him. He speaks to a childhood entirely detached from the people of his own time, roving through the shelves of libraries, reading endlessly to fill that void. It was a quote by Napoleon that caught his eye and inspired him, and ostensibly the words of people long past that gave him the strength to keep moving forward. This information, coupled with his strange excitement in Isaac’s rt introduction about how Isaac used to throw hands with people who mocked him seems to bring to the forefront a few things for me.

Sebastian is highly, highly individualistic: he doesn’t seem to care much about what is conventional or normal, only in what brings him joy and makes others comfortable/happy. His life is highly internal, but I sense no anti-sociality in this removal from societal expectations. He just lives his own way and tries not to trouble anyone. (This is also highly notable in his acute impatience with Dazai’s shenanigans/ineptitudes now and again; while he doesn’t always scold or explode, he shows a sharp and surprising impatience with willful/harmful/irresponsible behavior.) He’s tactful and measured, but highly excitable under the right circumstances. He also doesn’t seem to think much of his own life re: self-derision. Think Leonardo’s rt ending: he insists that the serial killer focus on him and not on MC, he tells her he has no qualms with dying if it means she’ll make it out alive. MC has to be the one to tell him to think more of his own life. As such I wouldn’t put it past him to have enough nerdy reckless energy to test the waters of being a vampire (all the better if it helps him understand the great men).

Comte once said it in an event story a few months ago, but I think he really hit the nail on the head in some respects. He says something to the effect of “His curiosity is admirable, but please Sebastian--some things are to remain private.” Sebastian doesn’t intend to be intrusive or malicious, he just likes knowing things for the sake of knowing. It’s about the cones answering his nerdy desire to piece things together, not stepping on people’s toes. (It’s nice too because Comte seems to understand this and doesn’t see it as a shortcoming/nuisance, he just tries to nudge Sebas in a different direction if he starts prying too close to people’s personal business ;-; pls pardon the Comte love I just can’t help myself)

Enter Johann Georg Faust.

Now then we know very little about the reserved priest doctor, but there are tidbits of information that we can work with (or at the very least, stand out to me a lot). The one I would like to focus on for this explanation is the little blurb that appears when you open the Ikevamp app and it’s loading, providing something like trivia facts for each character. In the ENG app we got those early, but we don’t have the ones for our antagonists. Iirc, Faust’s reads something to the effect of “will often sneak substances into their (as in the castle residents Vlad and Charles’) food to test the effect of his concoctions on vampires.” There have been hints that Faust is to be our mad scientist of sorts; that he is experimenting under Vlad’s orders to find a reliable way to transform a human being into an immortal equivalent to that of a pureblood. But I have mentioned on more than one occasion that I really don’t think Faust is only doing all of this for Vlad. He has his own curiosity that is seeking to be alleviated, perhaps he is satisfied with having another puzzle dumped in his lap--a means to distract himself and exhaust his faculties.

(One has to wonder if Vlad turned them under the same principle of desperation, and if that were the case, what Faust and Charles might desire more than anything else...Is Faust operating on a kind of necessity to atone? Has he simply given up hope that scientific advancement can happen without someone getting hurt, and so he does his best to balance the good and bad wrought by his explorations? Is he trying to bring someone back himself, is he trying to stall Vlad’s efforts in his own way? I really can’t be sure; there are just too many unanswered questions when it comes to Faust...)

This is where Sebastian and Faust begin to overlap. The pursuit of knowledge, an insatiable curiosity, a capacity to overreach the bounds of appropriate civility/decorum to get the information they want. It could potentially serve as a temptation for Sebas; become a vampire by Vlad’s hand and you can watch history over the span of generations. Assist in the development of an immortal, and you won’t even need someone like Comte to walk you through the different eras of time--you could explore yourself. While Sebas seems to be motivated more by service to other people, there can be no doubt that this could cause a great deal of friction. He will have to work to remind himself why he’s doing what he does and what it means to him, and whether or not becoming a vampire is truly what he wants.

But, there is also the issue of Vlad’s telepathic manipulations. Is it possible that an encounter with Faust (and by extension, proximity to Vlad/meeting Vlad head-on) could result in Sebastian being turned/experimented on without his knowledge? I.e. Vlad using his compulsion and sending him home with a word or memory of what happened. Though that’s certainly not the only possible explanation available. The other thing I was thinking about was a mechanic that was introduced in event stories prior to Sebas’ MS announcement. In the event story, MC and her suitor of choice encounter a street merchant that boasts a serum that can turn people into vampires. They, of course, don’t believe him--but the vial is procured and MC either purposefully or accidentally is exposed to it (i.e she knocks it over and it shatters in Leo’s ES). For a brief time, she exhibits vampiric qualities; she feels the thirst for blood as acutely as any of the other vampires in the mansion. I.e. In Napoleon’s ES, Sebas notices something wrong with MC when they’re just pouring vials of Rouge--the usual prepwork--and she runs out of the room looking dazed. Her odd/new instincts are only alleviated when she bites and drinks Napoleon’s blood, but after that single episode she shows no further signs of vampiric qualities. It’s a temporary but acute transformation. While I have no specifics as to how this is possible, I have to wonder if something similar might be done to Sebastian; whether as a means to test him (does he really want this? find out after the commercial break) or a kind of trick/trap laid by the antagonists. I remain unsure, but these are the two most likely explanations that come to mind if he hasn’t been fully turned.

As to whether or not his vampirism will be permanent, I’ve genuinely been oscillating on that one. I think it’s certainly possible given his intrigue (I never see much fear in him) with vampirism and his probable enjoyment with the prospect of an endless life learning about things (I can literally hear Leonardo screaming internally and I’m ngl it’s sad and funny). But there’s also something about the bite CG that speaks to strain/alarm, to surprise--that he wasn’t at all aware of the changes within himself--and I have to wonder if it might put him off of the prospect (like that he lost control/hurt MC)...Essentially I think it will just really boil down to how the symptoms come about (temporary or permanent), and how much his affections for MC might deter that curiosity/possible wish (if temporary, he might not touch the prospect again--if permanent, THAT WOULD BE SO FUCKING SEXY BECAUSE I’d wager the rest of the route might be MC trying to help him adjust/recover IN A SEXY WAY).

(Note post-translation: I fucking HATE IT HERE. The bite CG text says smth to the effect of “The bloodlust is unbearable--stay away from me; I don’t think I’ll be able to keep from attacking you.”) In light of this information, I am this 👌 close to launching myself straight into the sun. OFC his route is gonna be sweet as all shit and then it’s just gonna go downhill from there with angst. WHYYYYYYYYYY AKIHIKO (at least his voice is mega sexy and heals my wounds OTL) It also says something about “a fate that is greatly moved” so that does suggest a more permanent change than the temporary alternatives I mentioned (though we all know how Cybird loves to jerk us around so I’m leaving that up for debate)...this shit better be hurt/comfort or i s2g im throwing hands

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!

Here’s hoping he’ll make for a delightful surprise! I’m looking forward to it c:

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp sebastian #ikevamp akihiko sato #ikevamp meta #bruh i woke up to so much yelling and im still reeling from the developments #hello????? sebas lookin tender AND sexy and im ngl i am v much here for it my ass pass is SHAKING #i genuinely didn't think i'd be this curious/intrigued but now that i saw the introduction vid im just #👉👈 i am looking RESPECTFULLY #man im quaking i guess its time to translate all the sebas stories i have and think about my hubris #like i thought sebas would be the whole 'you get a human suitor if you dont want the vampire stuff as much'#and so i was like #'i do not see my ass loves vampires too much for this'#but then he went vamp in the preview and im just YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! **RIPS SHIRT OPEN**#bruh this changes literally everything #come here you giant nerd and let me punch a whole straight through that v card #history aint got nothin on this dynamite [REDACTED]#rambles #anywho if you need me ill be replaying the vid over and over again #ty cybird for sparing some serotonin in these trying times LMAO

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azenta · 4 years

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Can you explain more what the reaction formation thing is like?

Reaction formation is that weird ass bitch defense mechanism that makes you react the opposite of how you feel. Very basically described, that's it. But it doesn't tell much on it's own why it acts this way.

Reaction formation happens when what you feel goes againt your beliefs or even values, especially in relation to yourself. Simply put, it's like emotion vs mind. When this happens, your ego is fast to pick up there is a contradiction in what you are feeling and what you believe is right. Your ego's job tho, is to protect your sense of self, and it does so by assuring coherence and logic with what youthink is right and true (core beliefs, fears, etc.). So, for that, it will thus make you act in a way to be coherent with your belief/value, to kinda balance out that wild "incorrect" emotion.

Example: Karen is a woman who always valued children and desired one. She always has been extremely caring and mothering with children or even with her closed one, as being caring is central value for her. If you love your closed one, then you'll care for them no matter what, is what she believes. So come the day where she finally got a child. Proud and happy, she is convinced she'll love her child like no other mother does. But as some may sometimes forget, it's not easy to take care of someone who entirely depends on you and do require you to make some sacrifice.

It's been 6 months, it's 3 am, wednesday, it's the second week baby John keeps waking up at those impossible hours and won't shut until 4:30 am. Of course, Karen takes care of baby John. She is a good mother, and her husband needs sleep, because he works tomorrow while she doesn't. But Karen is exhausted. She barely have slept since those last couple of weeks, when she usually have a strict sleep schedule since years. It has been totally overthrown since Jonh is born. Actually, Karen feels angry, she is pissed and surprise herself swearing and getting mad at her baby. She wakes up her husband and ask him to take care of the baby or she "will throw him up the fucking wall". Karen's husband is not a selfish manchild retard and willingly offer help (🙃)

Morning comes and Karen is filled up with guilt. How could she, the most loveful mother of the whole planet, could not succeed to take care of her precious child?? How could she even dare think to throw her child on the wall??? This is where Reaction Formation happens. This thought is "Unforgivable" in Karen's view, even tho it totally speaks of how much her limits were crossed and how much she needed rest. The thought was extreme, but so were the urgency of her needs. It was a desperate way for her brain to tell her to STOP. But, Ego had another opinion, and Reaction Formation makes her do the complete goddamn opposite.

The next few days, Karen fully take responsibilty over the child, barely allow her "poor" husband that still works to get burdened with the child's "caprices", and even go as far as losing all remaining of sleep she had. She dedicates herself twice as more as she did. She totally sacrifice herself in other words. Because, "if you love your closed one, you'll care for them, no matter what". This includes her husband. She makes him breakfast, diner and supper, all while dedicating her whole self to the baby. Her husband is concerned and tries many time to offer help, or at the very least, to make the meals for them. But Karen strictly refuses, because she is a caring loving mother and wife. Karen keeps having more and more outburst of emotions and the cycles go downhill. She ends up suffering from depression which lead her to be incapacitated in taking care properly of baby John. Exactly because her beliefs are this much devastating, she ends up fulfilling her fear of being a bad mother ; uncaring for her loved one.

She totally went against her feelings, even went against all her needs to an harmful extent, but respected what she believed right. This is what Formation Reaction can make someone do. The exact opposite of what they need.

This example is extreme and formation reaction can happen for more minor things or doesn't become always that destructive. But in 1s, 2s and 6s (superego type), this mechanism gets the most destructive, especially 2w1s and 1s overall (because of their overlap). As a fix, they'll also tax you and incline you more to this mechanism.

To make it much more simple, here is the list of the most to least likely to use Reaction Formation, regularly and at great length:

2w1 (image core kills you on sight)

1w2

1w9

2w3

6w7

9w1

6w5

3w2

3w4

9w8

5w6

5w4

4w3

4w5

7w6

8w9

7w8

8w7

Tho, take this list as approximative, your fixes will make it vary considerably. An 8w7 with a 2w1 6w7 fix will be prone to formation reaction despite having a core that goes against the Formation Reaction principle.

A more minor example could be this: Elsa values harmony and tend to avoid conflict the most possible. She tends to dismiss things that can irritate her since she thinks she should "pick her fights" and so, not get reactive over everything she finds inappropriate. However, what she defines as conflict is more "disagreemets" than actual conflict, so she avoids disagreement the most possible. She believes staying unaffected and neutral is one of the best way to avoid any disagreement and that in general, when her needs cause those disagreement, it's basically wrong, since she should know "better" in how to manage her needs. But, she also highly care about her integrity and would not tolerate anyone disrespecting her.

Andrew, her friend's roomate, noticed her coming out of her room and found her very beautiful, but he is socially awkward and therefore catcall her while winking clumsily at her as a way to make her know he finds her gorgeous. She gets extremely mad, even disgusted. She decides to remain cold, but make a weird smile at him even if uncomfortable as she doesn't want to make things too "conflicting", and also because "it's wrong to get mad over something so "minor" ", she is someone "calm and wiser than that". Therefore she represses her feelings of anger. She does something totally against her feeling, but that totally fulfill her beliefs.

Some of you can tell me all they want that: "Isn't that normal to dismiss some things like that?"

My answer is: If you dismiss your feelings and act at the opposite of it, like Elsa or Karen, then grats, you use reaction formation my dude. If you feel uncomfortable, you should communicate your discomfort. What matter is *HOW* you share it. The problem is never about "what" need or emotion you share, but rather how and when, because the other person might not be receptive. What tells you use reaction formation is the fact of doing something exactly the opposite of what you need, when you actually felt it. Like, Elsa smiling despite actually feeling uncomfortable. Or Karen needing rest but stubbornly denying it and doing twice as more. Because your beliefs tell you that the way to go is opposite to that feeling of yours.

The solution on the last example could be as simple as to ask Andrew wtf he is trying to do, because she is uneased, even mad by that. It would 1. tell Andrew his message really doesn't went through 2. It would therefore allow Andrew to know this wasn't socially wise and allow him the opportunity (that he might or might not seize) to learn a more appropriate way to communicate his own feelings (so more social skills) 3. And allow Elsa to respect her feelings(/herself) and so, her boundaries, all while remaining calm, without actually picking up a fight.

Also, one of the insidious consequences of this mechanism is that your feeling is still quite loud and will come back at you even louder, as briefly mentioned in Karen's example. Therefore, it will reinforce the cycle in a negative way, like for Karen making her crash. While for Elsa, it is far less worse and she might draw a line more so in those cases because she also holds a belief about respect. But, Elsa might start thinking men are even more gross instead of actually taking up her space, and Karen that she is a failure for being unable to do anything anymore.

This mechanism is easier to understand when you experimented it, and if your type is low into the list mentioned above, it might still be confusing or eluding you. Tho, know that horrid shit exist and if you know someone with those types, then keep it in mind and validate their feelings and needs. And if you noticed that shit in you, then the key to it is to go against what you believe is right, because if it requires you to go against your needs, then it is FALSE AND WRONG.

Last thing at my @id type, your desires and your needs are two different things, learn the difference because that's why you acting on your """needs""" always end up wrong. Because it was a mere fucking desire.

#ask #formation reaction #defense mechanism #enneagram #guess which ennea core types are karen and elsa uwuwu #btw dont hesitate to ask further clarification. defense mechanisms can be whack to understand #also i got another ask about it but about how it plays out in 1s specifically so you might want to read it first.#when ill come to it. some day.#rip #also not how i didnt mention ivs in this fucking post (until now).#the only thing this shit does is influence with whom it is more likely to trigger

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tokiro07 · 4 years

Text

Watcher Class Ideas

I have no idea when we’re ever going to get more info on Watcher or if it even qualifies as a class, but I think I’ve finally got a good sense of what it could be if it does

As the name implies, it seems like it could be the Heroic Spirit of Observation, or one who, to whatever end, sits, watches, and waits. The Watcher in Strange Fake is explicitly summoned for the purpose of overseeing Sigma’s trial to become a Heroic Spirit, specifically Lancer, rather than necessarily being known for a similar task in life, but logically anyone who did such acts should qualify. It does seem that this Watcher did oversee trials in life, though, as they ostensibly qualify for Gatekeeper (one who prevents passage in some way) and killed individuals from across history, implying that they administered trials to all of those individuals to determine their right to accomplish their goals and killed those who failed the trial. Therefore, anyone who is known for the administration of a trial or for evaluating one’s worth and doling out a reward or punishment should qualify as Watcher. This was often done in mythology by gods or kings, but a judge may also qualify. I considered using Khutulun, who I’ve used in the past as a Boxer class Servant, since she would challenge suitors to combat, but she may be too active in her story to necessarily fit Watcher as we know it.

If we take the canon Watcher’s qualification for Gatekeeper as an indicator, there may be overlap between the two classes, with the act of watching over and guarding something in particular qualifying one for both classes. I think the act of guarding is what specifically qualifies one for Gatekeeper, while the act of observing something’s development qualifies them for Watcher. I once listed Argus Panoptes as a Gatekeeper for his keeping of Io, but since he was effectively a jailer, he wouldn’t necessarily qualify as Watcher, at least not in that regard. Conversely, Polyphemus the Cyclops, as a shepherd, may qualify as he raises his herd, but wouldn’t necessarily count as Gatekeeper, though he did explicitly keep Odysseus and his crew from leaving his cave, so perhaps. Still, I hesitate to count Polyphemus since it’s so unclear whether he fits the known definition.

A clearer expansion would be for teachers or masters who raised and molded great individuals and heroes, as the current Watcher is literally doing just that. This may open the class to known heroes such as Chiron, Merlin, or Scathach.

If we consider Watcher in a more literal sense, it could include anyone whose abilities are explicitly vision related, so oracles may qualify and Argus may be back up for consideration. It could even potentially expand all the way out to Medusa with her petrifying gaze, but that seems like a stretch.

We could also potentially expand our definition to include hunters who watch their prey, lookouts such as on ships or lighthouses, scientists who study and make observations, police, chroniclers, spies, even stalkers, so long as their actions heavily involve keeping watch over a person, place, or thing.

For my purposes, though, I’m only going to be looking at those who oversee trials or development, as that is the only confirmed aspect of the class if it’s even actually considered one. Appropriately, none of the Watchers I propose directly participate in Holy Grail Wars, instead either granting their Master Noble Phantasms that will allow them to fight on par with other Servants or giving them a test to earn the usage of a Noble Phantasm.

Fairy Godmother:

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo- a spell that enchants objects and animals to turn them into Noble Phantasms or non-classed Servants, as well as enchanting their clothing to become armor able to withstand enemy Servant attacks and hide their identity. This enchantment effectively allows her Master to become a Servant class of their choosing, though this spell can only be activated after 6:00 (AM or PM) and will only remain active until the following 12:00. At this point, the effects wear off and her Master’s mana is sealed, preventing them from being tracked by enemy Servants if they escape in time. Her Master may also seal off their mana willingly to make an escape before 12:00.

Glass Slippers- though not inherently slipper shaped, objects turned into armaments will be made of glass and act as her Master’s main Noble Phantasm. Upon the invocation of Glass Slippers’ True Name, the glass is shattered and unleashes enough energy to potentially defeat a powerful opponent, but the effects of Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo will immediately end and her Master’s mana will be sealed. However, because shards of Glass Slippers will be left behind, if the enemy is not defeated with this attack, they will potentially be able to use them to track Fairy Godmother’s mana.

Kaguya-Hime:

Robe of the Fire Rat- grants her Master immunity to all fire or heat-based attacks while also granting resistance to Servant attacks.

Stone Begging Bowl of the Buddha- gathers mana, but just enough to match the stats of the Servant the Master is currently facing.

Jeweled Branch of Horai- emanates the souls that make up the atmosphere of Horai, granting the user knowledge of enemy Servants.

Jewel of the Dragon’s Neck- allows the user to summon forth water in the shape of a dragon, serving as their main method of offense.

Cowry of the Swallow’s Nest- allows the user to summon swallows as a form of transportation and secondary form of offense.

Elixir of Immortality- each time her Master defeats an enemy Servant, Kaguya heals their wounds, even if the wounds would have been fatal if not treated.

Possesses the Golden Rule Skill, attracting gold and wealth to her Master.

As she originates from the moon, Kaguya also qualifies for the Foreigner and Voyager classes. If summoned as either, she would use these Noble Phantasms herself.

The Moirai/Fates (collective Servant comprised of Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos):

Thread of Life- while their Master fights an enemy Servant, Lachesis provides vague hints about the course of the battle that will either help them to survive an attack or manage to inflict damage on a foe. When their Master successfully performs an action that will extend their life, Clotho spins more thread for them that will change fate in their favor. When their Master successfully harms an enemy Servant, Atropos will attempt to cut the enemy’s thread to determine if the attack was fatal, which can only be overcome by a Servant’s Luck stat or Skills such as Divine Protection. Repeated damage will make the enemy more susceptible to a fatal wound.

Yanluo Wang (AKA King Enma):

Ox-Head (Gozu) and Horse-Face (Mezu)- instead of fighting, Yanluo leaves his minions to guard his Master as non-classed Servants (though they qualify as Lancers). Ox-Head and Horse-Face fight as if they are the Master’s Servants, but can only function properly when the Master is around to see them fight. As they fight, it is the Master’s duty to discern the True Name of the enemy Servant. Once the Master has successfully done so, Ox-Head and Horse-Face automatically capture the target within a Reality Marble of Yanluo’s court, and Yanluo reviews the Servant’s legend. If the Servant was wholly good, they are freed from the Reality Marble (though Ox-Head and Horse-Face may continue to fight them), while if they committed any grievous sins, they are tortured until death within the Reality Marble. Divine Protection or similar Skills, Skills that make one resistant to torture or gain power from pain, legends that involve escape from the underworld, or sufficient strength/force of will may allow a Servant to escape on their own.

Penelope:

Contestant Bow- Penelope bestows a bow to her Master which they must string. In the Odyssey, the bow’s draw strength is too heavy for all but Odysseus to overcome, but here, there is a trick to it that the Master must identify. If they succeed, they will be granted the bow as a Noble Phantasm that will give them the strength and cunning of Odysseus, allowing them to fight on par with other Servants. If they fail, nearby enemy Servants gain the ability to detect their presence.

#fate series #fate strange fake #fate grand order #watcher #watcher class #fan servants

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sciencespies · 4 years

Text

How Viruses Evolve

https://sciencespies.com/nature/how-viruses-evolve/

How Viruses Evolve

The unusual cases of pneumonia began to appear in midwinter, in China. The cause, researchers would later learn, was a coronavirus new to science. By March, the infection began to spread to other Asian countries and overseas. People were dying, and the World Health Organization issued a global health alert.

But this was 2003, not 2020, and the disease was SARS, not Covid-19. By June, the outbreak was almost gone, with just 8,098 confirmed infections and 774 deaths worldwide. No cases of SARS have been reported since 2004.

Contrast that with the closely related coronavirus that causes Covid-19 today: more than 13,600,000 confirmed cases as of July 16, and more than 585,000 deaths.

Why did SARS go away while today’s coronavirus just keeps on spreading? Why, for that matter, did both these coronaviruses spill over into people at all, from their original bat hosts?

And just as vital as those questions is another: What happens next?

As we face the current pandemic, it will be important to understand how SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes Covid-19, is likely to evolve in the months and years ahead. It’s possible the virus could lose its lethal character and settle into an evolutionary détente with humanity. It might end up as just another cold virus, as may have happened to another coronavirus in the past. But it could also remain a serious threat or perhaps even evolve to become more lethal. The outcome depends on the complex and sometimes subtle interplay of ecological and evolutionary forces that shape how viruses and their hosts respond to one another.

“One thing you learn about evolution is never to generalize,” says Edward Holmes, an evolutionary virologist at the University of Sydney, Australia, and author of an article on the evolution of emerging viruses in the Annual Review of Ecology, Evolution, and Systematics. “It depends entirely on the biological nuance of the situation.”

Steps to viral success

Many of the scariest viruses that have caused past or current epidemics originated in other animals and then jumped to people: HIV from other primates, influenza from birds and pigs, and Ebola probably from bats. So, too, for coronaviruses: The ones behind SARS (severe acute respiratory syndrome), MERS (Middle East respiratory syndrome) and Covid-19 all probably originated in bats and arrived in people via another, stepping-stone species, likely palm civets, camels and possibly pangolins, respectively.

But making the jump from one species to another isn’t easy, because successful viruses have to be tightly adapted to their hosts. To get into a host cell, a molecule on the virus’s surface has to match a receptor on the outside of the cell, like a key fitting into a lock. Once inside the cell, the virus has to evade the cell’s immune defenses and then commandeer the appropriate parts of the host’s biochemistry to churn out new viruses. Any or all of these factors are likely to differ from one host species to another, so viruses will need to change genetically — that is, evolve — in order to set up shop in a new animal.

Pandemics — disease outbreaks of global reach — have visited humanity many times. Here are examples.

A recent mutation alters the SARS-CoV-2 spike protein to make it less fragile (the altered bits are shown as colored blobs). This added robustness appears to make the virus more infectious. Three sites are shown because the spike protein is composed of three identical subunits that bind together.

(DOE/Los Alamos National Laboratory)

Host switching actually involves two steps, though these can overlap. First, the virus has to be able to invade the new host’s cells: That’s a minimum requirement for making the host sick. But to become capable of causing epidemics, the virus also has to become infectious — that is, transmissible between individuals — in its new host. That’s what elevates a virus from an occasional nuisance to one capable of causing widespread harm.

SARS-CoV-2 shows these two stages clearly. Compared with the virus in bats, both the virus that infects people and a close relative in pangolins carry a mutation that changes the shape of the surface “ spike protein.” The alteration is right at the spot that binds to host cell receptors to let the virus in. This suggests that the mutation first arose either in pangolins or an as yet unidentified species and happened to allow the virus to jump over to people, too.

But SARS-CoV-2 carries other changes in the spike protein that appear to have arisen after it jumped to people, since they don’t occur in the bat or pangolin viruses. One is in a region called the polybasic cleavage site, which is known to make other coronaviruses and flu viruses more infectious. Another appears to make the spike protein less fragile, and in lab experiments with cell cultures, it makes the virus more infectious. The mutation has become more common as the Covid-19 pandemic goes on, which suggests — but does not prove — that it makes the virus more infectious in the real world, too. (Fortunately, though it may increase spread, it doesn’t seem to make people sicker.)

This evolutionary two-step — first spillover, then adaptation to the new host — is probably characteristic of most viruses as they shift hosts, says Daniel Streicker, a viral ecologist at the University of Glasgow. If so, emerging viruses probably pass through a “silent period” immediately after a host shift, in which the virus barely scrapes by, teetering on the brink of extinction until it acquires the mutations needed for an epidemic to bloom.

Streicker sees this in studies of rabies in bats — which is a good model for studying the evolution of emerging viruses, he says, since the rabies virus has jumped between different bat species many times. He and his colleagues looked at decades’ worth of genetic sequence data for rabies viruses that had undergone such host shifts. Since larger populations contain more genetic variants than smaller populations do, measuring genetic diversity in their samples enabled the scientists to estimate how widespread the virus was at any given time.

The team found that almost none of the 13 viral strains they studied took off immediately after switching to a new bat species. Instead, the viruses eked out a marginal existence for years to decades before they acquired the mutations — of as yet unknown function — that allowed them to burst out to epidemic levels. Not surprisingly, the viruses that emerged the fastest were those that needed the fewest genetic changes to blossom.

SARS-CoV-2 probably passed through a similar tenuous phase before it acquired the key adaptations that allowed it to flourish, perhaps the mutation to the polybasic cleavage site, perhaps others not yet identified. In any case, says Colin Parrish, a virologist at Cornell University who studies host shifts, “by the time the first person in Wuhan had been identified with coronavirus, it had probably been in people for a while.”

It was our bad luck that SARS-CoV-2 adapted successfully. Many viruses that spill over to humans never do. About 220 to 250 viruses are known to infect people, but only about half are transmissible — many only weakly — from one person to another, says Jemma Geoghegan, an evolutionary virologist at the University of Otago, New Zealand. The rest are dead-end infections. Half is a generous estimate, she adds, since many other spillover events probably fizzle out before they can even be counted.

Getting nicer — or nastier

SARS-CoV-2, of course, is well past the teetering stage. The big question now is: What happens next? One popular theory, endorsed by some experts, is that viruses often start off harming their hosts, but evolve toward a more benign coexistence. After all, many of the viruses we know of that trigger severe problems in a new host species cause mild or no disease in the host they originally came from. And from the virus’s perspective, this theory asserts, hosts that are less sick are more likely to be moving around, meeting others and spreading the infection onward.

“I believe that viruses tend to become less pathogenic,” says Burtram Fielding, a coronavirologist at the University of the Western Cape, South Africa. “The ultimate aim of a pathogen is to reproduce, to make more of itself. Any pathogen that kills the host too fast will not give itself enough time to reproduce.” If SARS-CoV-2 can spread faster and further by killing or severely harming fewer of the people it infects, we might expect that over time, it will become less harmful — or, as virologists term it, less virulent.

This kind of evolutionary gentling may be exactly what happened more than a century ago to one of the other human coronaviruses, known as OC43, Fielding suggests. Today, OC43 is one of four coronaviruses that account for up to a third of cases of the common cold (and perhaps occasionally more severe illness). But Fielding and a few others think it could also have been the virus behind a worldwide pandemic, usually ascribed to influenza, that began in 1890 and killed more than a million people worldwide, including Queen Victoria’s grandson and heir.

After rabbits were introduced to Australia, their population exploded. “They are very plentiful here,” says the handwritten inscription on the back of this postcard from around 1930. Scientists eventually introduced the myxoma virus to control the rabbit plague.

(Photographer Paul C. Nomchong / National Museum of Australia)

Scientists can’t prove that, because no virus samples survive from that pandemic, but some circumstantial evidence makes the case plausible, Fielding says. For one thing, people who were infected in the 1890 pandemic apparently experienced nervous-system symptoms we now see as more typical of coronaviruses than of influenza. And when Belgian researchers sequenced OC43’s genome in 2005 and compared it to other known coronaviruses, they concluded that it likely originated as a cattle virus and may have jumped to people right around 1890. They speculated that it may have caused the 1890 pandemic and then settled down to a less nasty coexistence as an ordinary cold virus.

Other evolutionary biologists disagree. The pandemic certainly faded as more people became immune, but there’s no solid evidence that OC43 itself evolved from highly virulent to mostly benign over the last century, they say. Even if it did, that does not mean SARS-CoV-2 will follow the same trajectory. “You can’t just say it’s going to become nicer, that somehow a well-adapted pathogen doesn’t harm its host. Modern evolutionary biology, and a lot of data, shows that doesn’t have to be true. It can get nicer, and it can get nastier,” says Andrew Read, an evolutionary microbiologist at Penn State University. (Holmes is blunter: “Trying to predict virulence evolution is a mug’s game,” he says.)

To understand why it’s so hard to predict changes in virulence, Read says it’s important to recognize the difference between virulence — that is, how sick a virus makes its host — and its transmissibility, or how easily it passes from one host individual to another. Evolution always favors increased transmissibility, because viruses that spread more easily are evolutionarily fitter — that is, they leave more descendants. But transmissibility and virulence aren’t linked in any dependable way, Read says. Some germs do just fine even if they make you very sick. The bacteria that cause cholera spread through diarrhea, so severe disease is good for them. Malaria and yellow fever, which are transmitted by mosquitos, can spread just fine even from a person at death’s door.

Funeral for a U.S. soldier who died of influenza in Russia in 1919. The 1918-1920 pandemic killed an estimated 50 million people worldwide.

(U.S. National Archives)

Respiratory viruses, like influenza and the human coronaviruses, need hosts that move around enough to breathe on one another, so extremely high virulence might be detrimental in some cases. But there’s no obvious evolutionary advantage for SARS-CoV-2 to reduce its virulence, because it pays little price for occasionally killing people: It spreads readily from infected people who are not yet feeling sick, and even from those who may never show symptoms of illness. “To be honest, the novel coronavirus is pretty fit already,” Geoghegan says.

Nor are there many documented instances of viruses whose virulence has abated over time. The rare, classic example is the myxoma virus, which was deliberately introduced to Australia in the 1950s from South America to control invasive European rabbits. Within a few decades, the virus evolved to reduce its virulence, albeit only down to 70 to 95 percent lethality from a whopping 99.8 percent. (It has since ticked up again.)

But myxoma stands nearly alone, Parrish says. For instance, he notes, there is no evidence that recent human pathogens such as Ebola, Zika or chikungunya viruses have shown any signs of becoming less pathogenic in the relatively short time since jumping to humans.

“Everyone has influenza,” reads a headline in a French publication from January 1890.

(Wellcome Collection via CC by 4.0)

The ones that went away

The faded nightmares of our past — pandemics that terrorized, then receded, such as SARS in 2003 and flu in 1918-20 and again in 1957, 1968 and 2009 — went away not because the viruses evolved to cause milder disease, but for other reasons. In the case of SARS, the virus made people sick enough that health workers were able to contain the disease before it got out of hand. “People who got SARS got very sick, very fast and were easily identified, easily tracked and readily quarantined — and their contacts were also readily identified and quarantined,” says Mark Cameron, an immunologist at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, who worked in a Toronto hospital during the height of the SARS outbreak there. That was never going to be as easy to do for Covid-19 because people who don’t show symptoms can spread the virus.

Flu pandemics, meanwhile, have tended to recede for another reason, one that offers more hope in our present moment: Enough of the population eventually becomes immune to slow the virus down. The H1N1 influenza virus that caused the 1918 pandemic continued as the main influenza virus until the 1950s, and its descendants still circulate in the human population. What made the virus such a threat in 1918-20 is that it was novel and people had little immunity. Once much of the population had been exposed to the virus and had developed immunity, the pandemic waned, although the virus persisted at a lower level of infections — as it does to this day. It appears less lethal now largely because older people, who are at greatest risk of dying from influenza, have usually encountered H1N1 influenza or something like it at some point in their lives and retain some degree of immunity, Read says.

With the new coronavirus, Parrish says, “we’re sort of in that 1918 period where the virus is spreading fast in a naive population.” But that will change as more people either catch Covid-19 or are vaccinated (if and when that becomes possible) and develop some level of immunity. “There’s no question that once the population is largely immune, the virus will die down,” Parrish says.

The question is how long that immunity will last: for a lifetime, like smallpox, or just a few years, like flu? In part, that will depend on whether the vaccine induces a permanent antibody response or just a temporary one. But it also depends on whether the virus can change to evade the antibodies generated by the vaccine. Although coronaviruses don’t accumulate mutations as fast as flu viruses, they do still change. And at least one, which causes bronchitis in chickens, has evolved new variants that aren’t covered by previous vaccines. But at this point, no one knows what to expect from SARS-CoV-2.

There is, at least, one encouraging aspect to all this. Even if we can’t predict how the virus will evolve or how it will respond to the coming vaccine, there is something all of us can do to reduce the risk of the virus evolving in dangerous ways. And it doesn’t involve any complicated new behaviors. “Viruses can only evolve if they’re replicating and transmitting,” Streicker says. “Anything that reduces the replication of a virus will in consequence reduce the amount of evolution that happens.” In other words, we can do our part to slow down the evolution of the Covid-19 virus by behaving exactly as we’ve been told to already to avoid catching it: Minimize contact with others, wash your hands and wear a mask.

This article originally appeared in Knowable Magazine, an independent journalistic endeavor from Annual Reviews. Sign up for the newsletter.

#Nature

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discyours · 4 years

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(1/2) Hi, I hope this is an okay and not appropriative thing to say, but I really relate to a lot of what you say about wanting to change your sexual orientation. In my case, I'm bi and not lesbian so it's less about forcing attraction to men and comphet, and more about trying to rid myself of attraction to women/convince myself I'm straight, so I know it's not exactly the same experience. However I feel gross and guilty over being attracted to women, and I feel like because I do have the option

(2/2) to choose to be with men, it's completely unacceptable for me to pursue or be in a same-sex relationship, whereas with lesbians it's more okay because they don't have a choice. There IS very real privilege in being able to be with a man, of course. But I still feel bad. I also find "genital preference" discourse upsetting even though I'm not opposed to dating a trans person because I feel like if someone else can learn attraction, then it follows that I can UNlearn mine, right? Any advice?

I don’t think it’s appropriative, our experiences are different but there’s overlap for a reason. I don’t think I’m the best person to ask for advice on this though. If I were bi I would be just like you, and I’m not which makes it even harder to help.

But I’ll tell you something my butch mentor once told me. She told me that, unlike the stereotype, she doesn’t hate men. She has many men in her life that she cares greatly about, from her own son to some of her best friends, and she wants them to have people in their lives that love them. She wants them to be happy. And she said they would all be okay without me. I do not have to be capable of loving men, I was born with the capacity to love women and that is something beautiful and a gift. Living authentically to that is how I bring the most happiness into the world, not by fighting it.

Now she said this specifically towards me, specifically knowing what kind of guilt I have around my sexuality and specifically because I’m not attracted to men, so I know that it’s different for you. But you have the exact same capacity to love women that I was born with. It can bring just as much happiness into the world and it’s just as beautiful, just as good enough. It does not need to be replaced by attraction to men any more than mine does, and you weren’t born with your attraction to men for it to function as a replacement or as a way to feed your guilt.

I think it’s easy for us to focus on the “harm” our same sex attraction can cause, but the joy it brings is what truly defines it. I don’t want to sound like a homosexual supremacist but I do think there’s something truly special about experiencing that pure joy and love breaking through all of the guilt. And you’re lucky enough to have the capacity to make someone feel that way, to form that connection with someone who’s just like you. It would be such a waste to get rid of something so beautiful, we should be happy that we can’t no matter how much we might want to.

#anon #advice #bisexual #lesbian

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kincringeemporium · 6 years

Text

The Promised Party Cat Callout (Long Post!)

Here we go, y’all. I’m not gonna go all-out with the salt and vitriol typical of my longer posts, because... this isn’t about me being salty. This is about highlighting the issues with Mod Party Cat of the fictionkinfessions blog.

Nor is it intended to bully or chase Party Cat off of Tumblr. Yes, this is a callout post; no, it’s not an invitation to attack the blog with hate or stalk their sideblogs. And no, it’s not just my personal opinion, which we will get to.

This is intended to show Party Cat exactly what is wrong with how they’re running the blog and how they’re behaving. If they learn from it, good. If they don’t... then, they don’t.

Last of all, we did gather opinions from both kin and non-kin in a survey. This isn’t meant to antagonize the entire kin community. In fact, the information from kin really helped to support this argument. Thank you to the kin people who did respond to the survey.

(Btw, survey is still open: https://goo.gl/forms/lDoffQVVmELDo2EZ2 )

Obvious content warnings for dark shit apply. (Abuse, depression/suicide, etc.)

With that being said... let’s begin.

The main reasons for the callout are these:

Passive aggressiveness to or about other mods

Passive aggressiveness to anons/senders

“Cutesy” or overly positive typing/behavior in serious situations

Material that is generally improper for this kind of confession blog

Hypocrisy

Majority of survey takers agreed with each other and with the points made in this callout

We’ll go one by one.

Passive-aggressiveness to/about mods

(The bottom half of the mod page was linking to Party Cat’s other blogs and crediting some theme elements. Not relevant to callout.)

There isn’t a lot of information about the other mods or why they left; the general consensus on Maude is that they left because of school, but nothing about Kuroocrow. Now, why is this passive aggressive?

There was no need to publicly say that there’d been a “catfight” (ha ha, funny) with Maude. We don’t know if Maude even gave Cat permission to say this. If not, it’s disrespectful. (Nothing wrong with saying they’ll be okay.)

What Cat is saying about Kuro is even more aggressive than that. “They refuse to do anything to help!” Okay. That could be true. There’s still no need to rant about it.

“Ask them on my behalf what the fuck is going on with them!” Adding ‘on my behalf’ comes across as incredibly self-centered. And saying ‘what the fuck’ adds to the aggressiveness. Even if not intentional, that is how it looks, and it needs to be changed.

All that needs to be said is something like this: “It’s just me, Party Cat! Maude is on hiatus, and Kuro is absent. If anyone knows what’s going on with them, please DM me!” There. That’s respectful and to the point.

Passive-aggressiveness to Anons/Senders

This section will be... long.

So.. there’s a lot of overlap here with the ‘cutesy typing’ issue, but I’ll get to that later. I had to crop the screenshot to just this because there was so much that wasn’t 100% relevant to the callout. (Context for this post: Cat promo’d a kin server, an anon found some unsavory things happening in the server, anon warned Cat, and Cat said this.)

“...Seriously there’s like a few thousand people following this blog” is an unnecessarily rude way to say this. The point itself is legitimate and understandable. It really just need to be reworded so as not to come off as salty.

Alright, I’d understand this one if there was anything in the blog description or about pages to warn people that the blog can get dark. Confessions about death, suicide, rape, incest, murder, violence, high emotional distress, etc are jarring to see when this blog tends to be lighthearted.

While this anon does look a little bit defensive or offended, that’s so slight compared to the defensiveness of the response. Personally, I read the question as confused. (Y’all, who agrees with me? Who disagrees?)

Cat... people don’t tend to expect very dark content on a blog like this, especially when there’s no warning, and they might not even bother to blacklist the tags you use because they don’t expect it. (That’s a guess. If I’m wrong, then smeone should explain it. ) There isn’t much of an answer here - you just answer their question with another question.

So, okay, I agree with Cat saying that this ask is vague. And it’s not good to add “but” after something like ‘No disrespect...’ -- because “but” does negate whatever precedes it.

Those are the only things in this screenshot that make sense. Now we’ll get to the things that are passive-aggressive.

“Maybe it’s because...” Vague in itself. ‘Maybe’ gives you wiggle room to get out of this perfectly legitimate critique, instead of saying “Hey, I seem this way because...”

“People keep asking me things without providing the barest amount of information...” People actually do provide information. Sometimes it isn’t enough. That doesn’t mean they aren’t trying, and they could be dropping the subject because of how you respond (nobody really wants to interact with someone being rude).

“I just fill up the dead air with jokes!” Plenty of people do. And it’s fine... just not in this situation. When something serious comes up, you shouldn’t simply make a joke and move on. This reads like an excuse, and even a way to shame people. (”Oh... it was only a joke? Now I feel bad! :(” )

“And then people get more mad because... I don’t know!” This looks like you are blaming people for their feelings. People are allowed to feel mad. It’s never okay for them to send hate or be dicks -- which they’re not doing.

“Nobody reads that page, lollerskates!!” This could easily be solved by a regular, repeated post linking to the FAQ. Or a regular, repeated post explaining why confessions sometimes aren’t answered. Or something like that. Just a bit more effort.

Okay: “This blog is only for kin. We want to keep it within our community. If you have questions, check out this FAQ!”

Not okay: “You have no business interacting! You don’t know anything!”

That ‘sincerely’ isn’t very sincere at all. Most antikin will respect kin not wanting anti interaction on their blogs. Those that don’t are being dicks. And non-kin people who don’t have anything against kin are not at all likely to be hostile toward you, so being this hostile to them is unwarranted.

It’s confusing that this community, in general, would like non-kin and antis to become educated about what kin is/means... then such an influential blog sends a message like this. Regardless of how people feel about Cat, she does have pretty decent influence and a huge following; it’s very easy for impressionable kids to pick up on this weird double standard.

There’s nothing wrong with preferring to let someone else educate non-kin. There’s nothing wrong with pointing non-kin in a different direction.

There’s a lot wrong with blatantly pushing them away like this. It’s rude.

Inappropriate Cutesy/Overly Positive Typing

Cat isn’t stupid and knows full well what this anon (same one from before) meant. There was no need whatsoever to make such a giant joke of the question.

(Not to mention... why the hell would she tell everybody that she has so much medical debt and can’t afford electricity? I don’t know her situation so I can’t say it is/isn’t a joke too. It is something that could genuinely upset people, and some would even believe it. It’s a terrible thing to say.)

“:3c” Not harmful in itself. Just doesn’t belong in a serious ask.

This anon meant a post in which they were venting about abuse... they were angry that a character had abused their kintype. Cat knew that, considering their abuse content/trigger warning tags. This response looks sugarcoated and mentions some random anecdote about a thing Cat does, which is not appropriate in a situation regarding child abuse.

This was in response to something that was legitimately annoying Cat and breaking a blog rule. It does not look like an appropriate or effective way to address the issue - even looks immature. Did people take this seriously?

Yes, this really is a tag on a venting ask about a real life abusive stepfather. A joke. In a venting ask... about an abusive home life. There is a tag saying ‘Your stepdad sucks’, which is good. A joke, though, is too far.

(Apologies for a repeat screenshot - I saved this one for right now, for the sake of organization.)

There is, as I’ve been saying, no need for this. It’s very strange to ‘roleplay’ and act cute when there’s possibly a toxic Discord server going around.

When asked if any of Party Cat’s mannerisms were bothersome, one person said this:

Others said these things:

Inappropriate Material

Shoutout to @queen-dragon-slut (damn Tumblr won’t link you) for getting me this screenshot.

What the hell, Cat? This is serious -- this is even more serious than people sending confessions saying things like “Ugh, I hate this kintype!” or “Ugh! I hate that character!” This person actually endangered their own health and safety to force themselves into a ‘kin shift’. And it’s in no way Cat’s fault.

However.

To not even provide the anon with links to help blogs or any kind of resources, list some tags, and move on, shows an incredible lack of effort. Not only that, but I feel bad for this person. One note. That’s it. Nobody seemed to care that someone was suffering this badly, Cat included, which is, quite frankly, disgusting.

Again, something this dark doesn’t belong on a casual confession blog (which is what your blog looks like it’s supposed to be). And again, it genuinely fucking worried me. Is this person okay?

And it’s not even tagged. Not as ‘suicide’, not as ‘depression’, not as ‘suicidal ideation’, nothing. Which is what this is. This person feels like they’re not needed, like they’re pointless, which exactly what suicidal ideation does to you.

You can’t DM an anon saying, “Hey, you alright?” You can, however, at the very least, link them to the help blog page.

Mod Ryan, who is also part of the fictionkin community whether we like it or not, has seen:

Confessions about incest

Confessions about being abused otherwise

Confessions about stalking and being stalked

People saying they liked to kill

People saying they weren’t at all sorry for violent things their kintypes did

Asks saying characters or people should’ve killed themselves

@queen-dragon-slut said about some of the suicide-ish confessions: “ Tbh when somebody sends in a confession saying “I killed myself in my canon” it just sounds like they have some fantasies of wanting to kill themselves but cover it up by saying that their kin kill themselves and try to play it off. That’s not healthy.”

Hypocrisy:

Alright. That looks reasonable -- but wait.

The asks and other screenshots I just posted do strongly come off as suicide wishes, if not actual notes.

Here’s what people had to say when asked if they’d seen Party Cat acting hypocritical. I did not even mention suicide asks or dark asks in the survey question:

____ I wish I had time to say more but class starts in twenty minutes. When I’m back, I will add onto the callout with one more thing: that people feel Cat isn’t doing enough to help distressed anons.

Huge thank you to everyone who helped out with this!

It’s something that people have wanted to say for quite a while, and something that should’ve been said a long time ago.

Nobody should be demonizing Party Cat; there is a real person behind the screen. This should be a learning experience for her. Not an attack.

-K

#party cat callout #tw suicide #tw abuse #otherkin #kin cringe #otherkin cringe

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