#ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

f1-birb · 29 days

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ugh those "oscar" fans (in inverted commas bc as i said to you the other day i don't believe they're real oscar fans - easy to tell from the fact they invariably have certain other drivers' numbers in their bios that are "coincidetally" the fanbases who cannot leave lando alone).

they've even recently tried 'lando doesn't care about mental health, he never posts about it, x,y,z driver posts about it more'. no, he doesn't post shallow tweets occasionally paying lip service to it, nor does he do 'i went to discover what this mental health thing is all about' pr drivel like certain others do on the odd occasion they remember they claimed to care about it.

instead he has put his efforts into effecting real change where he can irl. he talks honestly and frankly about his own ongoing struggles on live tv and in interviews like the one he did with jon last year. it's well-known how much impact famous young men speaking openly about their struggles has on other young men who are struggling, a group who have such a high rate of mh issues and suicide. like your other anon said, by being open and honest he steered mclaren toward taking mh seriously starting when he was only 19 years old, is the reason they were the one team that got their team members proper mh support during covid, is the reason they have the partnership with mind, and his work bts has led to them now having a trackside psychologist for the team and having recently hired a second, have a proper mental wellbeing team at the mtc. he is one of only two drivers who spoke out in the media as far back as 2021 about the worry of the mh impact of the increased calendar on the trackside teams, zak has also said lando spoke to him about his concerns for the crew and that was one of the things that made him act accordingly - mclaren started rotating their trackside team as far back as early 2022, increasing that more through 2022 & 2023, since early last year have been running test sessions to train new engineers and mechanics so they can be added to the rotation and have recently completed another round of recruitment for working toward them having 3 people in every position that they can rotate across the year to give their staff a proper rest. a couple of people who work at mclaren have also said that lando took it on himself to talk with them and care about them when he heard on the grapevine they were struggling and i doubt they're the only ones he's done that with. he has used his position to push for change & lead by example in the place he is most able to, his own workplace, where it has had a real and meaningful impact on people's lives. and that has spread out across the paddock with other teams starting to follow mclaren's lead. (seb also had a similar impact on mh work within aston martin once he joined them in 2021) it is so much more than lip service or a bit of pr. effecting change is not about how much you post about something on social media.

a lot of people don't realise how much he's done within mclaren because he doesn't blow his own trumpet about it 24/7 but zak, andrea and other team members have let out bits here and there about how much he really cares. andrea has also spoken at length about how much lando did to help him keep the team's spirits up in 2023 when things were bad (and andreas seidl said the same of him in 2022). there is also someone who works at the mtc who posts in the mclaren sub on reddit occasionally who said early last year that whenever lando was at the mtc he took the time to go around every single department individually and talk to them and encourage them and thank them for all their efforts and assure them things would come good, and the mclaren guy said how much that meant to people who work there. (he posted in response to some fans saying lando must make mclaren workers feel like shit because he talks in interview about the car being bad)

also oscar going to the great barrier reef is fantastic. i'd imagine they reached out to him to help with awareness and he was very happy to do so while he was able to be in australia for a while. he and lily were in queensland over the break (he posted a pic of them in noosa) so maybe he got talking to people then that made him want to be involved. and honestly how dare those "fans" turn it into something to bash lando with instead of recognising the great initiative oscar himself has taken and the platform for awareness of the work being done there that it is.

sorry this is really long. these people make me go into rant mode every time.

anon I knew all of that and you still made my eyeballs very very wet 🥺

no notes, this is perfect

and what you said about Oscar echoes what I said before, using things to bring down Lando diminishes the praise for Oscar

like celebrate what Oscar is doing and has done, let him have that without having to bring up other people

#lando norris #AND THIS IS CLEARLY NOT HATING ON OSCAR #OR THE MAJORITY OF HIS FANS #it's literally calling out a minority of them #thank you anon #even if you made me shed a tear #birb speaks

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gamebunny-advance · 2 months

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Let's Just Rip Off This Band-Aid (Kliff Doll Repaint)

I still haven't finished adding the fringe to his scarf, but at this point, I don't think y'all will actually care that much. It's a personal project anyway, so I'll just finish it on my own time. Right now, I want to be released from the shackles of this project.

Once again, my poor camera and lack of editing do him no favors (he's got a real bad case of jaundice in that first pic. I PROMISE he's not that yellow-orange IRL ;o;), but he is (mostly) done.

Well, he was (mostly) done like a week ago, but just yesterday I decided to redo a few things to try and "fix" what was really bothering me about him, so I really made recursive progress. That said, I do like him more now than I did a week ago, so I'm not mad about it.

A little backstory: Alongside Kun3h0, I've been working on him for the past month, so I've been pretty occupied with this project for a while. Now, I do wonder to myself why exactly I thought making this would be a good idea. All I can really say is that my impulsive tendencies drive me to do things against my better judgement.

But, I will still give y'all my documentation and thoughts on the process + more pictures.

(I'll talk a little more about it later, but for those of you that aren't going to go through the long-ass readmore, the Neon J. mask is a reference to an old comic I drew.)

(It's so old, I was still writing everything by hand~)

So, the "real" answer to "why" I made this is really as simple as "because I could." As I said in the Kun3h0 post, I've been wanting to repaint dolls for a long time, years even, so in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking of ways I could finally start one.

Well, recently I just finally put together the ideas and motivation I needed to start. And of course, that was with Kliff.

I don't remember *exactly* how I stumbled across everything, but I do recall looking at doll clothes online and stumbling across this trench coat (pictured with the other clothes for this project).

(I took this pic mostly because I thought I was going to take pics of every major step of the process, but that didn't end up happening).

I thought it was pretty darn close to Kliff's coat, and I got the horrible idea that, "I could def make a Kliff doll to go with this coat as long as I can repaint it."

I feel like usually people would think the other way around, but that is basically the truth of this project: I didn't find clothes to fit the doll, I made the doll to fit into the clothes. Because for me, customizing the doll wasn't really the intimidating part: it's making the clothes. I don't know how to use a sewing machine, and currently lack the patience to learn (and due to some personal trauma that I don't really want to get into), but I can hand-sew, so starting any project that involves it requires me to be willing to set aside a lot of energy for me to do it, which I don't often have.

But, if I could find ways to cut down on the sewing, then I'd be more willing to start. And somehow, I was able to find just about everything I would need for a potential Kliff doll without having to sew anything. In the end, I only sewed together one thing, and it's the one thing that isn't actually finished: the scarf.

So, I blame the trench coat for the entirety of this project: if I'd never seen it, I would have never made a Kliff doll. In fact, I got the clothes before I even had the doll.

Since I was brainstorming this project, one of the most important parts is of course the base doll, which was tricky. Male doll repaints are fairly uncommon, especially of older men, so there weren't a lot of resources or places to get inspiration for this project.

From what I found, most male (fashion) dolls were very youthful, and the ones that weren't usually took heavy modifications to achieve, which was out of the question. Kliff was supposed to be an "easy" project, so on top of not wanting to sew any clothes for him, I also didn't want to have to alter the doll that much to make it look like him. This was a lot to ask for without putting in any personal work, but in a way, this goal was supposed to keep me from actually starting this project: really this whole thing was supposed to just live in my head as a fantasy as most things do, but then I just stumbled into the right set of things, so I couldn't stop myself from going through with it.

The doll I landed on was a BTS Mattel doll. Now I've said before that I know basically nothing about BTS, and that is still true, but that's beside the point. In my research for finding a suitable doll to work with, I found out that a popular base were these BTS dolls. At first, I wasn't into it because I was still running into the "youthful face" problem that I was with other brands: most of them had pillowy lips and nice soft faces, but I did eventually find one that I thought was close enough: J-Hope.

(It's not the worst match up.)

I don't have pics of my doll before I started working on him, but it was pretty close to the stock photo. He has much thinner lips than the others, and a taller, more angular head shape that I thought would work best for Kliff. I did worry a bit that the nose wasn't "strong" enough to really be Kliff (and IMO, it wasn't XP), but it was the closest I found yet, so I decided to bite the bullet and get one, and if I had one, that meant I needed to start gathering everything I would need for this project.

So, no backing out now.

Now, actually acquiring this doll was a whole other song and dance, but here's the part that's important for how the process went:

Due to a miscommunication with the seller I eventually got him from, there was a delay with shipping, so I didn't actually get him until weeks after "officially" starting this project. In the meantime, the clothes and things for Kun3h0 (who I started as an impulse project within the impulse project) had already been gathered.

The original plan was that I was going to work on and subsequently post about Kliff first since he was a comparatively simpler project. All the things I was avoiding for Kliff: sewing clothes and making modifications to the doll, were all going to be incorporated into Kun3h0, so she was theorhetically going to take longer and be posted later, thus telling a small story of "starting simple, ending complex." But since I didn't have his doll, but didn't want to delay working on Kun3h0 just to wait on him, I started on her and repainting his clothes anyway.

So, I don't have any pics of the doll or his clothes from when I was working on them, unlike the sparse ones I had for Kun3h0, I only have pics from after he was finished.

But I'll still tell y'all what I can to at least preserve the story.

For starters, repainting this coat was probably the most time-consuming part of this process.

I really thought that it would take one or two days maximum to turn this coat bright yellow, but I think it actually took over a week. And I really should have known; the coat was a medium tone, and I know that yellow takes a while to build up on anything that isn't light. I lost count at some point, but I swear that thing has over 20 coats of paint on it. Mind you, the first 10 or so coats were watered down with the textile medium, which also contributed to how long it was taking for the coat to take color, but at some point I just got so frustrated that I stopped mixing in the medium and painting directly onto the coat to get the color to layer faster. This is a huge no-no for painting acrylics onto fabric, lest the paint crack from creasing the fabric, but I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I needed this thing to be dandelion yellow NOW or I was gonna lose it.

There were consequences for taking that shortcut, such as the paint cracking in high motion areas and the coat getting stiff, but it's not terrible. In the end, I accepted the trade-offs or else I might still be painting the coat. Perhaps one day I'll reverse engineer the pattern for the coat and make him a new one, but I wouldn't count on it. In retrospect, I wonder if I would have had an easier time if I had thought to bleach the coat first?

As you might notice, I contoured/shaded part of the coat in orange. That's something that I actually *just* added yesterday and added another couple of hours to the work time. It was just bothering me that the doll was essentially a giant slab of yellow, and was part of the reason I didn't like it very much. But I got inspired by this repaint to try contouring the coat to give it more depth.

youtube

(I also used this person's videos to modify the hands. He has one deidcated to just reshaping the BTS hands.)

In the end, I'm pretty happy with the results.

The rest of the clothes weren't as difficult to deal with.

The pants took the paint a lot better, likely due to being dark paint on a light surface. Since I used less paint, it's not as stiff as the coat and still go on very easily. Though, they are VERY high waisted, and I'm not sure if that's normal XP

The shoes are also painted (and slightly modified), though I had to paint them twice because the first time, the paint got stretched off when I tried to put them on the doll's feet: the shoes were just *slightly* too small for the feet of the doll, so they really get stretched to fit his feet, and his heels don't actually go in all the way XP.

He's still capable of standing on his own, but I try not to remove the shoes, so I can avoid having them crack again.

In my "initial clothes" pic, I put down a different shirt than the one he's wearing. The original plan was to repaint the shirt black, but my work space is very limited, so I couldn't really repaint three pieces of clothes at once without significantly risking that I would stain other things. In the end, after getting scarred by how long it was taking for the coat to take color, I decided to just give him one of the black shirts that came with the coat. This does make him somewhat inaccurate since the current shirt has flowers/plants on it, but I'm gonna say that they make up for the lack of flowers on his scarf. Maybe someday I'll make him a new shirt from an old sock or something, but for now, I don't think it's a bad look.

Other clothing of note is the scarf, but since it's not technically finished I didn't take any close pics of it. It's actually made of an old headband of mine that I just cut and painted to look like his scarf.

Originally, I had actually glued on ribbon to it for the stripes, which took a couple days for the drying, but because I couldn't flatten out the scarf to easily glue the ribbon, it turned into a mess and bulked it out too much: since the scale of the doll is already small, I really needed to keep the fabrics thin. This was especially important for the scarf since it was going to wrap around his neck: if it were any thicker, it was going to practically eat up his face, which it still does, just less so.

Speaking of face...

When I finally got the doll in the mail, I started working on him right away, so I don't have any "before" pics of the doll.

After I did the usual "wiping off the face and pulling out his hair," I started with repainting the entire body and head.

Despite Kliff being ambigously "WHITE 🫵," Kliff isn't as pale as the original doll. I'd say even the stock picture I posted above has more warmth than the actual doll did. So, I got the base to be "coral" all over, dusted him in light orange chalk pastels for contouring, and most of his details are outlined in shades of burgandy. I didn't take any nude pics of this doll, but he is countoured all over his body and you can rest easy knowing I gave him some nips XP. But maybe someday I'll show y'all doll!Kliff's washboard abs XP.

TBH, I did want to detail some tattoos and some body hair too, but I just didn't trust myself to do either of those well with the tools I have (my brushes aren't thin enough, and my hand not steady enough for those kind of intricate details). Maybe someday I'll at least get his tattoos in (and after I've actually designed them XP), but we'll see. I don't plan on having the doll in short sleeved clothes very often, so details like that are the least of my concerns.

TBH, I was pretty proud of how the face paint originally went on. I really took my time to make sure it went down flat. It really was beautifully smooth~

But disaster struck.

I had painted the head while it was still separated from the body, and when it finally came time to reunite them, the paint on the head cracked and peeled when I shoved it back on. And, foolish fool that I am, instead of accepting my losses and starting over from a perfectly clean head, I just peeled the lose ends and repainted the exposed parts, which of course made the paint uneven. I somewhat justified this with the idea that most of it would be covered by other details, but in retrospect, I really should have just started over properly.

But, after that ordeal was over with, it was time to actually work on the face.

I can't clearly remember if I worked on Kun3h0 or Kliff's face first. I think I worked on them simultaneously because it took me a LONG time to actually get the courage to work on Kun3h0's face.

I thought I did a decent job on Kun3h0 since I really only had the 1 eye to repaint (the hidden eye is painted, but it's basically just a void with no details), and it was a bigger "canvas", so it was easier to paint. Besides having 2 eyes that I would need to make nearly identical, they were also a lot smaller, so it took a lot longer to paint them in a way that satisfied me (and since it's not easy to "redo" acrylic paint, his eyes lost a lot of smoothness too).

Again, I don't have any "before" pics, so it won't be easy for me to convey my troubles about it, but I do want to say that I think Kliff with a closed mouth is very cursed.

He just looks like he's itching to say something heinous and that is no different for the doll.

It was so difficult for me both match his expression on a face that wasn't *completely* his and still look like him. Although I chose this doll because he most resembled Kliff, he was never gonna be a perfect likeness of him, but despite knowing this, it still bothered me that the face was still just very "young" looking.

Granted, I don't think the original Kliff looks *that* old either (if I didn't know any better, I would assume he was in his 30s, not his 50s, especially compared to other characters around the same age), but still not as *smooth* as the doll is (even with my paint mishaps).

If you can believe it, the face actually used be worse. I don't have pics of it, but like the coat, I actually repainted his face yesterday to again try and fix what was making me dislike it before. I think the problem is that I didn't outline the eyes as much as the final one (like, I don't think I lined his undereye at all), so he was lacking depth. The mouth was also a little more off. Instead of being like "<--->" it was more like "|-|"

(A rough illustration of what I'm trying to describe.)

So, while it's still not perfect, I do like him more today than I did a week ago.

I think the only things left to talk about are his accessories, starting with his wig:

I'm not actually a big fan of the color. When I started this project, I wanted to try and make him as accurate as possible, and the original Kliff design has a very "cherry jolly rancher" hair color.

However, how I draw him and how he appears in Encore Edition gives his hair a more red-orange tone which isn't as intense. In the end, I opted for accuracy towards his first design since that's the one I was technically most familiar with and wanted to replicate, but in retrospect, I should have realized that I was never gonna be able to seperate my personal quirks from this personal project, so I should have gone with a color that was more accurate to how I interpret him. (I dunno if I would have gone as far as to give him triangular eyes, but one of my biggest takeaways from this project has been that I should have just allowed this to be "my take" on the character instead of trying to be "accurate," meeting in the middle, and satisfying neither condition.)

I don't think I really got across how much I HATED brushing out yarn for the wigs when I posted Kun3h0. It was just such a tedidus process, from brushing it out, to straightening it, to gluing it down. It was such a mess. I'm still finding loose wisps of yarn hair floating around my home since I made them.

Since I had more than had my fill from making Kun3h0's wig, I once again started taking shortcuts when it came to Kliff: I really should have made more wefts for him. I figured since his hair was (compartively) shorter, that I wouldn't need to make as many, but in the end his wig turned out both too thin and too thick.

Since his hair is so messy, I didn't follow any kind of guide for his hair like I did Kun3h0. I basically just glued around the perimeter of the cap, horizontally on the inside, and made sure it would fold over in the front.

Part of the problem is that I made the wefts too thick: instead of just gluing down what could actually touch the surface of the work area, I wound up gluing layers on top of each other, so the wefts would be like a mm thick when they should have been less than half of that. So, I barely got enough coverage for the scalp, and the parts that I did get down are very thick. I think it makes his head look bigger than it should which kinda adds to the uncanniness of him.

I did try to style it as close to canon as possible, but there are some things that just aren't (easily) possible in certain mediums, and Kliff's wild hair is one of them.

In retrospect, I probably should have just sculpted his hair with clay or something: it probably would have been more accurate, but I don't have much confidence in my sculpting ability, and again, I didn't want to modify the doll that much, so I stuck with the yarn.

I might suck it up and try and make him a new wig, I still have a LOT of red yarn left over, so maybe I can make him some new styles too. But the tedium of going through with it makes it very unlikely that I'll follow through~

(The wig from other angles.)

Since the beard is made from the same yarn, I'll lightly talk about that. There aren't too many resources about bearded dolls, but I've seen people root it, glue it, and even just paint it if they weren't supposed to be thick. In the end I used this repaint for reference (suggestive content warning) and glued it on.

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The scarf covers most of it, but I think it turned out okay. I need to add just a *little* more to his left cheek, but otherwise I feel like I was successful.

Next, it's usually hidden due to all the crap that's on his head, but I did give him an earring.

I didn't think about it until way too late in the process, and I tried to poke a hole through his ear so he could actually wear it. However, when I tried to do so, I almost ruined his head paint a second time. Saying, "fuck that," I decided to just glue it on.

If I had been more brave with modifying this doll, I might have just resculpted his ears entirely, because, being based on a real life human being, the doll's ears don't flare out that much, so they're easily covered by other things.

His glasses are just a piece of painted plastic that hold to his face using some plastic cord. They fit well while his wig is off, but putting them on with everything else is a goddamn nightmare.

Since his ears are so small, and his hair is so short, there's nothing for the glasses to "grab" onto without the cord, but the cord is too short to fit around the wig once it's on, but I can't make the cord longer to sit over the wig, because the glasses need to go over the headband, and it's a pain in the ass trying to layer everything like that.

So, I have to put the glasses in place first, TAPE the cord to his scalp so they don't move, put on the wig, then put on the headband. It's really such a hassle, but I don't think I can truly convey the annoyance of having to do it all without showing you. So, unless I absolutely have to, I'm never taking any of those things off him again.

I think the last things are the headband, mask, and tablet.

The headband is just a spare scrunchy that I have. I don't have one in the *exact* same color as the real one, so I went with the closest one I had, which was this teal color.

I didn't feel comfortable repainting one since it's essentially an elastic band, I don't think the paint, even with the textitle medium, would be able to hold up to all the stretching I have to do to even get it on his head.

If I happen to find a white one somewhere in my stash, then I might try dyeing it using water and acrylic paints to see if I can get it green, but for now, I think this works. A little thick, but it works.

The tablet is just a piece of foam painted with paint markers and the mask is a piece of cardboard. I wasn't planning on really recreating any scenes with this doll, but since I remembered that comic, and thought it would be easy enough to make, I went ahead and made it as an in-joke to myself.

Honestly, I think it's the most charming piece of the entire ensemble. Plus, he can wear it without me having undo/redo any of his other head accessories, so it's easy to make him wear it whenever.

My final comments about the doll itself are that he's fucking huge. I should have taken a pic of him next to Kun3h0, but he is too tall to even fit on my display shelf without sitting.

(Please ignore any mess you might see in the reflection. This is just one of the only flat pieces of furniture he can stand on without me standing on something to take a pic.)

Despite my interests, I don't actually collect dolls (I'm more into figures and plushies), so I wasn't expecting him to be so big. In fact, Kun3h0, who would be considered a small to medium doll in collector's spaces, was also bigger than I thought she'd be, so you can imagine my surprise when I got my hands on him.

So... I don't really know where I can put him. He obviously can't live in front of my TV, but beyond being too big for my shelf, he also doesn't fit in with any of my other collectibles. And I'll be honest, the contrast of him "clearly not belonging" among my more "kawaii" items was a motivator in starting this project, I live for the gap moe after all, but in practice he really just sticks out like a sore thumb. (This is also why his first pics are in a slightly different location without many props. I just couldn't put together anything from my collection or find a spot among my things to take a good thematic pic with. The magazines/CDs he's with are from my dad's collection.)

I do have space at higher elevations in my room, but it's kinda off putting to have him staring down my room, looking like he's plotting something (my space is too small to ignore it). So I dunno what I'm gonna do with him. I did have plans to make him some... cuter outfits so he wouldn't stick out as much, but that requires sewing, and I'm kinda worn out from this project.

In conclusion, despite my troubles with this project, I'm not entirely displeased with the results. At the very least, it was an experience, and one that I might even be willing to do a third time 👀...?

But for now, I'd like to rest and maybe go back to drawing again. I feel like I haven't drawn anything "real" for a while now. We're inching closer and closer to the next follower milestone (4 digit number BA-BY!), so I'd like to at least get back to being good enough to sketch some stuff for y'all soon~

#gbunny makes #gbunny draws #custom doll #doll custom #doll repaint #kliff #nsr #no straight roads #for the record i do find this project thoroughly embarrassing for me #but i can't justify its existence without sharing it. so here it is.#like. i wish i could have been obsessed with somebody else.#anybody else.#well. someone who's socially acceptable to obsess over i guess #but i'm not. i'm obsessed with him so i'm going to make things of him #and they're gonna make me happy #despite the embarrassment #Youtube

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moshieee · 9 days

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Hello it is I, random anon who does not know you and has never interacted with you before, what is your opinion of your mutuals?

Oh hi @bixell-pixell I'll include you even if we're not mutuals I think you're pretty chill all things considered

That's kinda it idk you that well

Anyways

You didn't specify so I'm going to list all my mutuals in the order of oldest to newest on my following page that I remember sorry of I missed anyone and for the @ s

*inhales*

@e-the-village-cryptid (I don't have a tag for e yet but it would probably just be E)

Not only the first person who I became friends with here but also the first one I ever started sharing my stories with, even if we don't talk too much I'm glad Every time we do and I see them on my dash, (they bring some of my favorite posts and when I do send posts sometimes I mix up and send them their own reblogs) I'm so glad we're still friends, thanks for letting me ramble about stuff for 6 hours hehe

@jaqofallgenders (no tag for jaq yet either)

my in person friend and the longest friendship I've ever had with someone, love you 🫶. I'll be more specific on Monday if our ADHD doesn't kick in and make us both forget

@strawberry-seal77 (seal-berry!!!)

Hi hi hi yellows my friend 👋 the person I consider to be the second ever friend I made on here, a lovely person as well and wait waaa and an amazing artist too 👀??? Love you silly goofball and the amazing posts and jokes you have we should chat more often I thinkith.

@rabid-mercenary16 (Rabid jumpscare)

Hey hey hey .... BWAMP! Hope you feel better soon

I probably have the most to say about Rabid but all try to make it a bit shorter. besides being the first artist to do art jokes and include me, with we also became mutuals and interacting around a time when my life started to get a lot better. Even if she's not the only factor in that I definitely associate her with stuff improving, and she did play a big factor in it (I already explained a lot on my Valentine's Day gift to her and the others). Also she's just an awesome person to spend time with and be goofy, amazing sense of humor and I just love being friends with such an awesome person and artist.

@dia-smthidk (Dia fren)

I'm assuming you don't want a bowl of soup

I also said a lot about them in my Valentine's Day gift, but we've become closer friends sense then even if we don't get to chat as much as I'd like to. I relate a lot and am surprised how we have so much in common. Amazing artist and person as well and I wish we could hang out more, idc if they think they're bringing down the mood when/if they bring stuff up about irl, and maybe I won't figure out their timezone but oh well, please take care of yourself gender sibling.

@bunnybunnsowo (BUN BUN BROTHER!!)

little brother 🫶🫶💝💞🫶✨👋❤️!!!

(I could have sworn we became mutuals before Dia?)

another person I shared a lot about with the Valentine's Day gift, I love you my little brother! Seriously one of the kindest people I've met and I'm so glad they have bug in his life. Bun deserves the world and they keep sending me opposum images!!! Gona die from cuteness and his kindness one of these days istg

@spookykittyzzz (greaah why don't I have a tag for you???)

A very kind person and artist I don't know too much sense we're not that close yet but love the few chats we have had so far. Hope we get to hang out more even if I'm awful at reaching out to others and saying hi.

@glitchyk (goop buddies)!!

Nooo the parallels

One of the first people who was interested to deep dive into my creations and ask about my stories and worlds They're probably competing with Rabid with how much I have to say about her/silly. Seriously it's incredible how much we have in common and now I get to share and collaborate our sonas stories together it's amazing. And as someone once said "you can yap for hours". I love how creative and clever they are, I just wish they would be kinder to herself. One day I'll make glichy see how awesome she is.

@unfunnyaceartist (Floridian disadvantage) I feel like I should change that

When I say I was shookith when ace asked to be friends I mean I was shookith first person so show up and ask that (the others kinda just happened). Amazing artist and don't believe her lies she is funny. I'm so heckn glad we're friends., love the goofy and silly idc if she's a bit of a simp they've helped me a lot start to understand slang and references I'm supposed to understand shhshsh (such is the curse of how I grew up) we need to make our mafia sonas interact at some point I can already imagine the chaos /silly

@neptunestoast (plushy slime)

Hugs hugs hugs*

Trying my best not to baby talk I swear. amazing person first person to show up and be like "hey I Wana do something for you and your friends". Love their humor and another gender sibling!!! Hugs for ever for as long as they're ok with it. I love their creativity as well and Noodle is so adorable. I just want to pick them up in a hug so much. Kibbity/silly

@ner5y (no tag woops ill figure something out)

What are you doing here??? How are we friends???

I was absolutely confused and startled when they followed me especially since it was during a spoons argument . Amazing artist like holy heck I wish I was allowed to curse on this blog. Their humor also took me by surprise when I got invited to the discord, and even if they doubt how well they're running it I think they're doing amazing. And I love our silly interactions like this one

@vexation-816 (chaotic ADHD buddy!!!)

Why did it take me so long to follow you istg

ADHD ADHD ADHD my buddy oh pal we both got that and it's driving us insane/silly. Love how creative he is and the ideas for his sona and character lore. Also one of the first people who shared a character they added to my nightlight au. This is getting twords the end and I'm tired of whiting so much and am on a timer oh no. But your amazing dude don't ever forget thag

@butlerbugbunny (anxiety bunny buddy)

This is why I didn't respond to the DM yet hshsh

New friend who I feel anxious talking to sometimes but a wonderful kind bunny who I'm also incredibly happy to be friends with. Love his art so much it's amazing (shoot shoot timer is going off) I'm glad he's their for bun and wish them the best I possibly can 🫶.

@lilithloves-you (lillith my be-loathed?) need to change that

Don't you dare bring up grilled cheese

Glitchys friendo who I'm also friends with now. We don't interact too much but I've sent her on missions to go hug glitchy (to help both of them feel better but shhh). I hope we become closer friends in the future.

#god this is a lot anyways im off to the store now #mutuals #E #seal-berry #Rabid jumpscare #bun bun brother #dia fren #goop buddies #Floridian disadvantage #plushy slime #anxiety bunny buddy #Lilith my be-loathed?

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bunmurdock · 1 month

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👋

saw a post about toxic people in fandom, and while it was strongly-worded, boy do i have things to add.

unfortunately, i know who this post is referring to, and i’ve refrained from talking about them up until now, but i think it’s good visibility for this community to have. that person was a notable presence in fandom and mutual of mine who, over time, underwent a significant personality and blog overhaul. they were once very sweet and intellectually-stimulating to talk to but shifted over to a toxic corner of the comic fandom and began to act in certain ways aligned with that corner of fandom (emphasis on corner of comic side, most comic fans i’ve spoken to are nothing but kind and welcoming). i want to shed light on some things i’ve witnessed. this person was an awesome content creator for live action dd, but, well. feel free to read on and form your own opinions.

yes, this is about briefcasejuice.

if you follow them, you'll have probably seen their posts about live action fandom, i.e. marvel's daredevil is "ableist", "racist", and liking it makes you problematic. like, i understand people fall out of love with media all the time, and i think virtually any reason is valid to leave. i don't care. what bothered me about this person was, ultimately, their repeated hypocrisy and behavior towards others in fandom.

up until the time i unfollowed, i was noticing their posts on my feed—initially innocuous—grow increasingly negative and unproductive. sure, tv discourse and critique is healthy and good, i have my own grievances with live action daredevil. but soon enough, it had extended to fandom, fandom creations, perceived fandom failure to engage with their content, people or ideologies they found problematic irl or on social media, everyday inconveniences, etc. it was just... the same old predictable negativity and virtue signalling reminiscent of those who are chronically online, but lacking in self-awareness and emotional regulation skills.

moreover, i found their response to some sincere, good-faith asks to be disappointing. iirc, there was one situation where some anon was trying to learn about transgenderism, and was met with a disproportionate negative emotional response. it was not a good look, and coincidentally that ask response was later deleted. in another situation, they were kindly asked not to use rape-promoting language in describing certain individuals that they disliked, and their response was to deny it when the language was uninterpretable in any other way. i remember seeing these on my feed, and they gave me pause about being friends with this person.

which brings me to why i'm adding this response in the first place, because while i do not care what views this person holds or what they do on their own blog, what really grinds my gears is the betrayal and disingenuous behavior towards friends in fandom. this person was best friends with user @/pastafossa and seemingly the number one fan of the fic “the red thread”; they’d blog about it repeatedly. i started reading the story because of their marketing. imagine my shock at these posts which were made less than two years apart.

this person also went on to complain repeatedly about a perceived lack of tumblr engagement to their own followers. tumblr engagement is notoriously shit, but there's a difference between asking and expecting. asking is reasonable, entitlement is ugly. and i have to wonder how much of their off-putting nature contributed to less engagement.

not to mention i recently found out that they had joined fandom misrepresenting their age, engaging with me and other adults in fandom through our heavily adult fanworks before they had turned eighteen. they had started engaging with my content in early 2022 with their age listed as adult at that time, but the current age listed on their blog (as of march 2024) doesn't reflect a continuity. further digging on other sites confirms this. this behavior is violating, not to mention that they, at least at one point, had a strict minors-do-not-interact policy on their blog.

it's clear that they over-identify with their interests to an unhealthy degree through their repeated attempts to cull their interests and gatekeep topics that they perceive to be esoteric and cool. and while i agree that there are parts of the daredevil media and fandom that need to change, this level of denial and vilification of one's past and the community that supported them is characteristic of someone who's mentally unwell, and i would encourage anyone reading this—content creators, authors, and artists—to stay away from this person and to brace yourself for fringe fandom behavior like this on this website.

(please do not send hate to anyone.)

#idk. at least they're an interesting character study #marvel's daredevil #matt murdock #charlie cox #daredevil #netflix daredevil

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jedi-enthusiast · 10 months

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I am once again asking anti-Jedi people to get the fuck off my page--and yes, this poster was specifically anti-Jedi because they literally made a post about "sure the Jedi are better than the Sith, but anyone can be better than those and the Jedi are still evil/red flags/etc."

I have made it very clear through many of my posts and my fucking blog description that I don't tolerate anti-Jedi propaganda on my blog, but apparently I haven't been clear enough--so here's another:

KEEP YOUR FUCKING ANTI-JEDI BULLSHIT OFF MY FUCKING BLOG, EITHER POST IT ON YOUR OWN BLOG OR SHUT THE FUCK UP ON MINE

Is that clear enough for you assholes?

Now, first of all, on the post this was commented on I didn't even mention Athena Andreadis and I want to make it clear that 1. I've never even heard of this person and 2. I've never read this essay. I was just venting about how I can't talk about SW without some anti-Jedi jackasses popping in with comments on how "the Jedi were evil," but apparently now I can't even fucking complain about SW shit without anti-Jedi jackasses popping in their two-cents.

The irony.

Now, I've looked up several iterations of "Athena Andreadis strange horizons anti-Jedi essay" and I cannot find it--so I won't be picking apart the specific points made, since I can't find them, but I will be picking apart the general points here.

First of all, I have no idea how being anti-Jedi could possibly be seen as a "feminist" thing.

Like...there are plenty of female Jedi, most are viewed in-canon by other Jedi--both male and female--as good and wise (how fandom views them is out of my control), there are female Jedi in leadership positions, there are both modest and non-modest dressing Jedi and neither of them are viewed negatively for how they dress--nor do any Jedi comment on how they dress, they're diverse in both their looks and beliefs, as far as I'm aware there aren't any rules the Jedi follow that are specific to the women...

Like, I'm just not seeing how the Jedi Order is sexist or how it's feminist to be anti-Jedi.

Can singular characters be sexist? Yes, of course, obviously. But unless I'm remembering wrong, it's actually Anakin (y'know, the baby-murderer guy who's horrible at being a Jedi and turns into a fucking Sith Lord?) who's shown to be sexist in SW media. Other than his behavior, I don't really remember other Jedi being shown as sexist--someone feel free to correct me if I'm forgetting something, though.

Second, the Jedi also didn't want to join the war, but they had no better options.

It is made clear throughout the movies and TCW that the Jedi don't want to be generals in this war, Mace Windu even spells it out for Palpatine by saying "we are keepers of the peace, not soldiers" in AotC. However, in the end, they're forced to take up the role in order to work towards the greater good.

There's literally an entire episode in TCW where the "the Jedi should've just been pacifists and not fought" thing is addressed, and there have been many many posts made by many people about how the Jedi did the right thing and also about what might've happened if they didn't--I specifically recommend looking at @antianakin and @david-talks-sw's posts, if you want an actual in-depth response on those.

I'm not gonna regurgitate their points on this post, but I will pose you the same questions I did on the post this comment was under:

So the Jedi should've just stood by while Dooku conquered and enslaved the rest of the galaxy? That would've been better than them fighting to protect the people and planets Dooku was enslaving?

Finally, everything we're shown about the Jedi in-universe--and what we know of child development irl--shows that the Jedi's way of life isn't harmful, and is even helpful, in childhood development.

First of all, we're gonna dispel the myth that the Jedi teach emotional suppression--what they do teach is emotional regulation which, as others have pointed out, is something taught in therapy and is a good and healthy thing.

But guess what? You also teach emotional regulation to children at a very young age!

When your child is throwing a tantrum, screaming and breaking things, and just generally losing it because they're unhappy with something, what do you do? If you're a good parent, you-

1. help them calm down.

2. teach them how to work through their emotions in a healthy way for next time (taking deep breaths, counting to ten, walking off the anger, etc.).

and 3. talking with them about what made them upset and helping them understand why they were upset so they can avoid it or deal with it better next time.

All of that is emotional regulation. Parents all around the world teach it to their kids every day because it is healthy, and just because the Jedi need to emphasize teaching it more than most because Force-sensitives are susceptible to the Dark Side doesn't mean that it's any less healthy than regular people teaching it.

Secondly, the Jedi Order is a community and--like it or not--it's shown that children raised in a community setting are actually generally better off than children raised strictly in the nuclear family model because they have more support and access to a more diverse pool of opinions, beliefs, and people. All of which we see reflected in the Jedi Order--community support and teaching.

Anakin fell specifically because he didn't follow the Jedi's teachings, and even he was a fucking outlier. The Jedi that fell in the Prequels either fell because of the War (which was orchestrated by Palpatine) or because they were directly manipulated by Palpatine. Neither of those things had anything to do with Jedi teachings and all but one of the Jedi that fell were adults, again all of which except one that lived in the Order perfectly fine for years until Palpatine started doing shit.

Now that that's covered, I'm gonna make my own point.

All of you "the Jedi deserved their genocide crowd" people sound like fucking Nazis and fascists.

Everyone who's saying that "the Jedi were the real bad guys" have like 0 media literacy and obviously take issue with anything that isn't strictly following western ideals--and, frankly, I think you're all willfully being ignorant and stupid at this point.

When you're anti-Jedi, those are the people you're aligning with.

Now, it's none of my business what you believe or what you post on your own time, but keep it the fuck off my page.

This is my space.

Keep your shitty opinions to yours.

#star wars #sw prequels #pro jedi #in defense of the jedi council #in defense of the jedi #jedi appreciation #nothing but love for the jedi #jedi culture respected #anti anakin apologists #anti sith apologists

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sapphic-agent · 9 months

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This is so silly but thank you for being a Bakugou hater. I have so many friends that love him and "don't understand" my "extreme" dislike of him - the most common thing I hear is that he's "a literal child" and that society made him the way that he is, implying that he is not at all at fault for how he treats people and that I'm being unreasonable for "hating on a literal child", and I've never been able to articulate why that argument doesn't sway me in the slightest. You've made a buncha posts that articulate the shittiness, *especially* the one that discussed how he's never been made to take accountability, and I really appreciate that.

Hi there, friend! Thank you so much for your kind words. And it's not silly at all. I've had similar encounters irl (one of which being my own sister smh) and one friend who loved him and hated Izuku, but was flabbergasted when I said I hated Bakugou (luckily I don't talk to this friend anymore, for a different reason). This seems to be the attitude of Bakugou fans online as well. They're allowed to hate on Izuku all they want, but become agitated once we turn it around on their favorite. Just something I've noticed.

One thing I think a lot of his fans exaggerate is the affect "society" had on him. Did it enable his behavior and allow him to get away with it with no repercussions? Yes. However- and I have to stress this- no one told Bakugou he would be the best. People fawned over his quirk, but that literal kindergarten teacher said, "That quirk could make for a great hero someday" (I'm paraphrasing here so I might edit and change it to the correct quote later). Bakugou is the one who took that idea and ran with it.

If you really want to get technical, Bakugou was like that even before he got his quirk. He might not have been as overzealous about it, but he still treated Izuku like he was beneath him. He still called him "Deku." Society didn't help his behavior, but it wasn't the cause of it.

"He's just a child." This is not an excuse. (TW for semi-graphic child murder) I remember a story from a few years ago when an 8 year old girl (she might have been a little older but still younger than Bakugou) picked up a baby at a daycare. He started crying and she dropped him, then stomped on his head and killed him. His father was rightfully devastated. She doesn't get that "just a child" excuse because she has consciously went out of her way to seriously injure someone helpless who couldn't defend themselves.

Sound familiar? Before I get that "Bakugou's never done anything like that" argument, if Horikoshi was a serious writer he would have. There was a Mute!Fem!Izuku fanfiction I came across the other day and the reason she was mute was due to Bakugou grabbing her throat with his quirk in middle school. I'm not saying this should have happened in canon, but considering the repeated exposure Izuku's had to his quirk over the years it's hard to believe that there wasn't some permanent damage even if it was in the form of burns or scars.

But of course if that happened, he wouldn't be redeemable and we can't have that, now can we?

Also, Bakugou isn't a "literal child" because Bakugou isn't real (I also bet those same people hate Gabi from Attack on Titan who is actually a child). You're allowed to hate on whatever fictional character you want, bestie

#anti bakugo katsuki #mha critical #bnha critical #ask #tw child death

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onceler12 · 1 month

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Introduction post!

I drew myself using my actual photo as reference so trust me, this is very accurate to how I'm looking irl. I'm also showing you my photo in this outfit (not this one used for reference) which is showing me and my pillow! On second photo is me and my guitar and I noticed that in movie is similar frame so I made comparison. I hope you like it!

As for introduction at first I should say that I'm 19 yrs old (20 on 1st October) and I'm extremaly similar to Once-ler, we have same personality and interests and this is very problematic to me because people are often thinking that I'm roleplaying when I'm just being myself so you should remember that this isn't roleplay and I'm desciribing my actual self!

So when you know it then ofc I want show you few examples of those similarities. First, I'm very interested in business, I have many ideas for my own businesses even if they are just dreams. I can be very passionate about that and talk so much about it. By example I was writing speech of opening of Thneed factory even if this business is just a dream but I'm just too passionate so I can't let my energy get wasted and I remaked lyrics to song ,,Everybody needs a Thneed" - I mostly changed uses and I done it because I love that business so I was thinking that maybe I should try make few Thneeds in real life and I sewn one but that was Thneed from random material for practice so it's not so good but it have shape just like in movie and I didn't saw any so-called Thneed in this shape before because indeed this shape is very difficult so probably I'm the first who actually did it.

Currently I'm struggling to find better material but when I would find it, I hope that I can make Thneed that is very close to this movie one! Also I'm very good at defending deforestation and telling why it's not that bad and telling about how business in movie could not get bankrupt even after cutting whole forest! I'm also aware than my mindset it's unique and that I can show others different perspective on those things.

I also very good at making pancakes and I'm eating them with marhsmallows and it was my idea because I know that's not common mix and I made it by myself (btw on one photo here there is small picture in photo frame in background which is me with plate of pancakes so you have proof) and baking - mostly cupcakes. I like drawing, writing books and I even wrote few poems but the most I like writing about things I'm passionate about. I love music and I'm learning to play on electric guitar but I can't play on it yet. I also love cats, I have three of them.

I really like movie ,,The Lorax" but when I would making it then of course I would make Thneed business better and bigger and it wouldn't get bankrupt! I also have some ideas of another companies which are involving Truffula trees and obviously there would be more scenes with Once-ler because he deserve it. Anyways this movie isn't making sense very often but this is environmental propaganda so what do you expecting? Like what's wrong with destroying just one forest? I have arguments that even shows Lorax as the villain (this is some example of my unique mindset because no way that I'd say that chopping trees is bad so I'm taking serious when defending this business) but I won't write my arguments here because I already wrote too much and I don't want to bore you (but when you are in fandom then you probably want to hear about it..?) so that's all for now!

If you are interested in meeting person like me and if you want to talk about business, Thneeds or something else related to movie then don't hesitate to interact with me, I'd be happy to met Once-ler fans!

#lorax 2012 #onceler #greedler #once-ler #lorax #the onceler #the lorax #onceler fandom #onceler 2012 #onceler cosplay #how bad can i be #art #onceler fanart #fanart #oncie #lorax fanart #lorax fandom

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yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt · 13 days

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1, 2, 7, 15, 18 from this ask game

1. What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

Like, ever??? When I was in 6th grade I wrote (and published on the ancient ff.net) Warrior Cats fanfiction 😭 in Year of our Lord 2011. It has since been erased. When I got back into writing as an adult, Nimona/Goldenheart was the first fandom and ship I published for. I'd been writing disconnected drabbles for various fandoms before that, though.

2.Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them?

I am participating in the Nimona Big Bang and I participated in Nimona Week! I may also be participating in Goldenheart Week once I check out the prompts!

What I really liked about Nimona Week was seeing different people's take on the prompts. For a lot of them I really assumed everyone would have the same idea but they really didn't! It was great to see so many interpretations and to see stories/art made that otherwise probably wouldn't have been :)

7. What do you struggle with when writing?

I have a really hard time writing action sequences. I think they usually come out okay, I just find them boring to write. This even happens with smut sometimes, if the characters are just DOING and not TALKING or ruminating, I get bored lmfao. I also find it hard for characters to communicate emotions to one another without using "therapy speak" which I see writers get made fun of for a lot but like, I'm neurodivergent. So are most people I love. I'm used to explaining how I feel and having others do the same, everything else is foreign to me. I don't quite understand how to write characters unintentionally miscommunicating their own emotions because like, I don't even know how to do that irl lmfao.

15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

This one is hard bc it means it would have to be both good, adaptable to film, and capable of standing without the source material. I think Ballister Has Brain Trauma and Ambrosius Wants to Beat the Ever-Loving Shit out of Todd Sureblade would be the best to adapt into that medium because it's more of a Things Happen than a People Talk fic like most of my others. As a sidenote what the fuck was July Yrrt thinking with that title? Lmao

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

It's super hard to say, because I can't remember half of what I write 😭 I think I really like the scene from What Still is Yours where Ballister looks at the portrait of Ambrosius hanging in the Champion's Mansion.

"The person in the portrait was beautiful, as Ambrosius was, but he did not have the mischievous lilt in his smile that was somehow always there, even when his intentions were completely genuine. He didn't have the same eager softness in his blue eyes that bored into your soul and screamed "Here I am, love me, love me, love me." His teeth were perfectly straight and didn't have the little gap from sucking his thumb too much as a child that years of orthodontics hadn't been able to fix."

I just thought it was super sad and sweet and spoke to how well Ballister still knew Ambrosius and how much he still loved him even after all that had happened. One of the main things I notice about loving someone is their face becomes sort of etched into your mind, I experience face blindness so someone has to be pretty close to me for a long time before they become recognizable, and I thought this was a nice contrast between the Institution's image of Ambrosius versus how Ballister saw him / how he really was.

Ty for the ask!!! Please feel free to keep asking 💕

Questions Post

#ask game #30 questions for writers #nimona fanfic #yywihh fics

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dearweirdme · 25 days

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https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/746752429307183104/hi-im-someone-whos-kind-of-like-a-halfway-tkkr?source=share

the truth is that Jk is very affectionate and most members share fond looks, hugs, back rubs and praises. And so are most of us irl. We hug our parents, we cuddle with our siblings, we are affectionate and caring with our friends. And at the same time we do all that with our partners too. With the exception of mouth to mouth kissing and actual sex, all else is the same. So why are anons so confused? Don't try to find the difference in counting the actions, the answer is not there. The difference is in two places:

the energy of the action

the response of the other person

Please tell me you can't feel the difference for example in a hug between Jk and Hobi and Jk and Tae. Jk will hug Hobi in a burst of love and appreciation that screams platonic feelings. Hobi will smile and pat him and will end there. With Tae it is not the same.

In Taekook there is two people. Tae AND Jk. Why you always try to "prove" only Jk? Tae reacts to his touches and responds. He plays with his hair, his ears (the ONLY actual ear kissing we have seen between members was in that Festa), he puts his fingers inside his shirt and caresses his naked skin, he shows lust while looking at his body and lips, their stares are long and charged with sadness/emotions/love and hide silent conversations. Their relationship creates confusion in the fandom and even gp and locals. They hide most of their private trips (remember when Tae took Jk with him when he won that trip in that Japan show?), they hint to something more between them (remember the infamous bv Malta photo of jk that tae took and he has talked about how special it is to him and even made it in the life goes on mv?) and they feel like they must keep eo a secret (remember when tae came live from his bedroom and as soon as we heard jk singing from the other room he panicked and stopped the live. he came back to admit jk was there. why panic?).

Sigh. Its so obvious..

Hi anon! Jepjepjep! It is so difficult to explain (for me anyways) because we talk about differences in levels of intimacy and familiarity... and how do we show those? It's comparing best friend/sibling behavior to that of romantic partners, but all those are actually close bonds that are shown through familiarity and intimacy. Especially when we also take into account that Tae and Jk hide their romantic relationship.. it's so tough. I always think everyone who wants to try and see should just watch multiple (and by that I mean a shit ton) of footage. Because it is all there, and people are able to grasp it... but it just takes looking at a lot of footage. It takes a good understanding of BTS members and their characters in general. And it takes a good understanding of social context as well as BTS specific context.

I don't think I'm always only trying to prove Jk. I think both of them show a lot. Most people ask about Jk though, because to them (especcially this last year) it is only Tae doing the Tkkry. So if I seem to have been using more Jk proof, that's probably why (I honestly can't even remember all my posts on this at this point).

I'm fairly cautious using the words 'it's obvious'.. because I mostly think it's obvious once you've understood everything. But it is there... it's most definitely there.

#taekook

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transmisogyny-explained · 9 months

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I really appreciate your blog because I've been getting so much insight from it as a TME trans man who is mostly around other TME people (kinda just by happenstance, although I'm always open to trans female/transfem friends).

Anyway. You reblogged a post talking about why some trans women can seem a little prickly towards TME people, which reminded me of when I met a group of trans women IRL once at an event for trans people (most of them happened to be trans women, but all trans people were invited), and one of the women I approached and talked to most that night did seem a bit uneasy/cautious/maybe even a bit standoffish around me at first. I sort of understood at the time that "oh yeah it's probably bc I'm TME" and I've never let it get to me, ofc. I just didn't quite understand how deep that feeling towards me likely went. How much pain was attached to it.

She warmed up a good bit to me eventually, though, and we even hugged before I left. And I just thought when reading that post and a couple others you reblogged, "That woman I met that night, in her 30s, going out with her other trans female/transfem friends to have fun...she had been through a lot. She's going through a lot as I type this. She will go through much more...of course she was nervous around me. So many trans men just Don't Get It, and some don't WANT to get it...and she's suffering because of it. She and all of her friends...why would anyone want that? Especially another trans person?"

And it made me sad. It made me upset that trans women have to be on guard so much because they never know, even in space they belong in, just which TME person is going to decide they don't belong. And, just as importantly, who is going to side with that TME person to make sure she and women like her are kicked out for good...

I don't mean for this to be an "oh I'm such a good person, I would NEVER do that" type spiel. Because I'm not a good person JUST because I care about and accept trans women. It's something everyone should do by default.

I just wanted to relay this story and attach my face to it because 1). Going on anon would make this feel so much less genuine to me. Like I'm more concerned about receiving backlash from transphobes than I am about showing people I care. And I'm not.

2). I know a lot of trans women are frustrated with and scared about the lack of support from trans men. And when I remembered that story and that woman I met that night, I thought maybe if I told it and explained how I felt, that maybe I could give some kind of hope and reassurance that there are trans men who do care and do want to support their trans woman/transfem sisters/siblings.

And 3). I wanted to assure trans women making posts about their experiences with transmisogyny that their posts are reaching more than just people who also experience transmisogyny, as well as unfortunately bigots who don't believe them/don't care/perpetuate transmisogyny on purpose. I'm listening. My friends are listening. I promise we care.

I honestly don't know if this will help anyone or if this is tone deaf at all. And I'm telling you in particular because your blog is where I saw the posts, and your blog has taught me so much, and I really appreciate it. I hope it was okay to send this to you.

But yeah. Thank you for reading all this and I'm so sorry if this sounds like some random needy guy trying to win favors or praise. And no one has to believe me or say anything positive about me or what I said. I promise I don't feel like I need to be rewarded for being an ally to trans women or anything. Again, I was just wanting to tell this story to maybe prove that there are TME people who are listening. I know how stubborn and downright awful some of us can be when we're told we're being transmisogynistic. I'd imagine it's beyond frustrating.

On that note; I'm happy to see you on my dash again! Just please take care of yourself when you need to. It's okay to take breaks, or even a hiatus. Your mental health is so much more important than managing a blog. The work you do is good and important, but you deserve to have time to recover from the negativity you receive. Even if you one day have to abandon this blog for your health, you made a positive impact while you were here! I support and care about you! Thank you for being here and being you💜

I don’t think it’s tone deaf. Personally, I like hearing that my efforts haven’t been for nothing, so thanks for sharing.

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kunaigirl · 4 months

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Hello! I just came across your epilepsy awareness/information post on my dash, and I wanted to ask you something about it if that's alright. You mentioned that having seizures as a kid made you forget alot of stuff and you had to relearn how to read as a 9-10 y/o. Can I ask about that? What was it like? Did things come back to you over time or was it a square one thing? Where you ever held back a grade? I'm not trying to be nosy, I'm just honestly very curious because I've never heard of something like that. I don't have epilepsy so I don't know (but I learned lots from your post and the links you included). I've asked one of my friends who does have it and he said stuff like that can happen but we don't know anyone who has irl. If it's not ok you can ignore this message. I don't want to make you upset, I'm just super curious about what it was like to experience.

Sorry I sat on this for a few days, I've been thinking of how to respond to it. First of all, thank you for asking so politely, that gesture alone means a lot. Anyways, it's ok to ask about it, I don't mind. It's a very alienating experience that had such a heavy impact on my core development, I've always felt really alone and even embarrassed by it. Maybe talking about it can help someone else feel less alone/traumatized. (Long read ahead)

I don't remember a lot of what lead up to when the memories vanished, but I know (from what my mom's told me that my doctors told her) that it was a fucked up reaction to the combination of the dose of medication I was on and the seizures I still kept having despite being on said does. This was back in 2001-2002. I started the process of re-learning from square one in 2003 as a home schooled 3rd grader. It didn't stick and I had to start all over again a few times, and I was still in the process of relearning from 2004-2005, which is when I was 9-10 years old. Also it wasn't just reading, it was writing too.

From what I've gathered, I had a bad enough case of epilepsy where the child meds weren't working, so they had me on a low dose of an adult medication instead, Starting at age 6. There was no way I was making it out of that without complications. I don't remember if I just woke up one day without any memory of how to read, or if it was a slower process of forgetting over a period of days. It's all way too blurry. The school district didn't want to deal with such a personalized learning program for just one kid, so I was home schooled.

What I DO remember was how much time I would spend crying. I KNEW that I learned how to read already, I KNEW I went to school with all the other kids and passed all the tests/etc. I recognized the covers of books I HAD read, and even remembered what was in them, but the words themselves were completely foreign. Gone.

It was like looking at a copy of a book you already read, but it's a different language. You know what's in it, but you don't know what words or symbols you're looking at. I knew this was the language I knew, the one I was speaking. It was ripped away from me, and I felt so stupid. Being told I wasn't going back to school because of it made me feel like a freak. You never feel like more of a freak than when you're 8 years old, struggling your ASS off to read "Cat in the Hat" It hurt in ways I wouldn't wish on anyone. The word "shame" doesn't even begin to cover it. It all felt so damn heavy.

People at the library or books stores would chime in and say "Oh! You don't want that BABY book do you? What about this one instead?" And I would take what they handed me, smile until they left, and then I'd put it down and run to go cry in the public bathroom. I couldn't read what they suggested. I was so furious with myself, it always happened. When we moved out of state in 2006 (6th grade) the schools were more willing to work with me privately, so I was back in public school once again.

From that point on, I was relearning with tutors and teachers in total secret. I hid all of these struggles from my middle school friends because I was horrified how they'd react if they knew about my struggles. Middle school was already fucked up enough. The books I'd carry around that I was "reading for fun" around them were always decoys. I had medical paperwork (IEP documents) that required ALL classes to give me extra time for tests and book reports by law.

Even though my hard work DID pay off and I (obviously) learned how to read and write again, I didn't feel "comfortable" reading until probably age 14. On top of ALL THAT I also developed dyslexia, and I also already had ADHD too. So, it's STILL a struggle sometimes. It's just something I have to live with. I still to this day read really slowly, like, it takes me months to finish one book slowly, but goddamn it, I'm still fucking reading.

I'm 28 years old now, it's been a long time since then. It was a part of my life I was forced by circumstances to experience, and it took a TON of extra hard work just to get to where I am now. I want to give myself some credit for that, and I will NEVER let myself feel ashamed of this struggle ever again. If anyone out there had any experience even remotely similar to this, I see you. I see how strong you are. Keep your head up, and keep reading.

#asks #anon #ok to reblog for awareness purposes but DO NOT CLOWN ON IT SO HELP ME #long post #long story

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uselessheretic · 10 months

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weighing in on the "should you interact with anti izzy posts or not" because i love to talk to myself:

i don't think it's a black and white thing tbh. more than anything, i think people should seriously examine their motivations for responding to hateful posts in that at times it can be a bit self harming. especially if you find yourself seeking out conflict, or are spending more time in fandom responding to negativity rather than doing things that make you happy.

one thing i think izzy fans do well is maintain a balance of ensuring their fandom experience is predominantly focused on things that spark joy. which happens to mostly be sexualizing that old man. for a lot of izzy stans, if you scroll through their twitter/tumblr, it'll be more about liking him as a character than generic izcourse. when it comes to izzy discourse, it kinda has flashes across izzy side of fandom where people respond in short bursts before largely just moving on. can't say the same about izzy haters.

when it comes to responding to things, i largely think there's not a point in direct interaction, however, i wouldn't say it's completely without merit. sometimes i'll respond to long "meta" in the izzy tag literally just because if i have to see your bullshit take then you have to deal with mine as well. that's the tradeoff for being obnoxious in the izzy tag.

i think there can be value in correcting misinformation or refusing to allow the narrative to be controlled completely by izzy haters. "here's why izzy is racist" is annoying and i don't think the main people perpetuating this will ever admit they're wrong. Still, at the same time a lot of these posts are full of misinformation. this misinfo gets parroted throughout fandom and that's bad. "donkey is a slur against polynesians" is a good example. it's not. that was made up on tumblr. every polynesian person i've ever seen comment on this has all said that they have never encountered this as a slur irl. find me a single source outside of tumblr that says "donkey is a slur against polynesians" for fucking real.

the issue with this though is what constitutes as harassment. disagreement doesn't equate to harassment. responding to someone's meta isn't harassment. izzy haters purposefully position disagreement against them as harassment and instances of bigoted behavior. i remember someone once listing an example of how izzy stans are racist as "made fun of a post about how izzy is homophobic." the poster was white. the person who made fun of it was me, a black fan. this isn't racism. at most this is me being a bitch.

i don't think that necessarily means that you should never interact, disagree, vague, or screencap random bullshit. i do think you need to be intentional as well as firm. it will only harm you more if you concede to allowing people to describe your actions as abusive when you know for a fact that they are not. words like harassment, racism, homophobia, stalking, abuse, etc all have meaning. they have definitions and while there can be gray areas when it comes to certain things, the limitations for what constitutes as abusive does not change just because you've arbitrarily decided that you are the good guy in this interaction.

overall, i think there can be times when having conversation, even ones of disagreement, has value. i don't think everybody with a shitty opinion is a malicious actor who needs to be discarded immediately. that said, there are groups in fandom who have demonstrated time and time again to have zero ability to self reflect and are overall narcissistic, self obsessed, navel gazing folks deadset on defending their ignorance to the death. there isn't any use in direct engagement. all it does is feed a perpetual victim mentality and gives them the attention they so desperately crave.

also? while we're here? keep receipts. i'm not even joking. screencap shit when you do have a direct confrontation. if you criticize someone's meta make sure you have their exact words. when someone insults you keep that on hand. people straight up lie on here and when they do shit like say "izzy bought ed as a slave" or "you can go send izzy stans hate for all i care" or "i'm not being passive aggressive, i'm being aggressive" hold them to that. if not for any other reason other than the fact that it's kinda funny watching them lie on their mother that they never actually said this and clearly this was a misinterpretation that only occurred because they are 12 years old and super sleepy when they wrote this and didn't actually mean it like that :((

#the izcourse #long post

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darubyprincx · 6 months

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"hey six what the actual fuck is rex miles et versipellem and why are you tagging random posts as it"

well, i'm glad you asked!

(Nobody asked, actually, and I don't fucking care. I'm going to talk about this anyways because I think it's super fucking cool.)

no cut because i don't respect your time, energy, or wellbeing

rex, miles, et versipellem is the title of a play script that we're working on! it's latin for "the king, the knight, and the werewolf" and for some dumbass reason we decided to write it in elizibithean english and iambic pentameter. we have never written in either of those things before and this is also our first play script so i have zero idea what was going on there when we made that decision but i'm just the guy who's literally just sitting here so idk

on top of being basically a functional play that could be produced if somebody tried (although i have no idea why they'd want to), this project also doubles as fanfiction in a weird convoluted meta way! see once we're done finalizing the script itself we're going to add on some annotations from the in-universe authors and. ok. this part is why it's impossible for us to explain this to people irl hold on

if any one of you lovely fuckwagons remember the Emhec Café series written by ourself and @eagle-warri, basically it's a coffee shop au scott is the barista hes a fae he collects names like pokémon cards etc etc that's not relevant. the relevant bit is that one of the regulars groups (Sausage, Ren, and Oli, who are all theatre majors in this AU) come in regularly on the afternoons and talk loudly and cheerfully about the play they're writing (more details here).

RMEV is that play. yes the play in the au that the theatre kids are writing in-universe.

(exactly how many layers of meta is this again?)

anyways this thing's been an absolute monster to write. there's been three drafts so far. the first draft was originally written in elizibethian english and is unfinished, the second one is written in modern english and as of right now is the only fully finished version, and the third draft (hopefully the last) is us translating the script from modern english back into elizibithean english (with iambic pentameter and everything).

"what's the word count for the finished draft tho" oh uh.

it's normal.

anyways this is our current Fucking Insane Writing Project and it'll be posted to ao3 by act on a schedule once it's done! given the rate at which we're working on it right now, that time will probably be in a few months (probably spring 2024 at the absolute earliest),

#lance's tag #rex miles et versipellem #keys' writing #writing #emhec cafe #I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE REST OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS BRAIN WERE THINKING WHEN THEY DECIDED TO ATTEMPT THIS BTW.#i am Not responsible for their decisions or actions.#what the fuck are they doing.#i just work here #described

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altschmerzes · 2 years

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Hey! im ace and aro and was wondering if you could talk about what being engaged and getting married means and looks like to you as an aro person? I feel like so few people talk about it that i have no real frame of reference. it’s really cool that you’re happy and living authentically doing all these things and i guess yeah i just wanted to hear more about that if you felt like sharing! have a great day <3

yeah!!! i'm happy to talk abt that!! it's definitely nothing i've seen any kind of like..... broader awareness of, or people talking about, and i probably would've been like. more optimistic about my future if it had been something i'd seen, i think. this got a little long so i'm throwing it under a cut but here it is!! a bit of an explanation of like. How My Engagement/Marriage Works And How That Came To Be. (signed off on by my fiance, for the record - i didn't want to write out an answer to this without checking with them, but they're totally fine with it!)

i think it's probably wildly confusing to some people to see me post and talk abt being aro A Lot (it's one of the most prominent aspects of my online personality i think sdlfjs) including being like. incredibly romance repulsed, and then mention being engaged or having a fiance or referencing 'my wife' (though we're not married yet it is one of my Favourite jokes to make because 1. i think it's very funny, and 2. i just like saying it). people contain multitudes etc etc but i do wonder if people are confused by that sldfjs. my engagement is like... honestly everything i'd ever have hoped for if i'd asked myself at any point in the years since i started identifying as aromantic what my ideal life would include.

i've always had a hard time being alone and i wanted the intimacy and mutual support and just. ability to Do Life with someone that a relationship involved, while also being, as i've said, intensely romance repulsed and not really open to sex either. really just sort of figured that wasn't going to happen for me. the odds of not only meeting an aroace person (the only sort of person i thought might have an interest in the same sort of relationship i wanted and was comfortable with) irl never mind being compatible with them personally and in our priorities just seemed incredibly slim. which like... made me sad sometimes. i'd always sort of daydreamed about getting married which is wild for someone who is as romance repulsed as i am, which i know i keep saying but it really is an incredibly intense feeling for me (i tried dating once in high school and had several panic attacks before breaking it off after our third extremely mild fourteen/fifteen year old date, and often feel physically ill trying to read about fictional romance/watch it on tv). but y'know. sometimes we just don't get what we want in life, and i was fine with the idea of having my friends and my synagogue community and like. hoping my friends wouldn't all leave me behind alone as they all got into relationships.

what ended up happening is obviously not that. i'm really truly unbelievably thrilled every day to wake up and remember what i've got to look forward to every day. my engagement is entirely platonic, and it's exactly what both of us want and are just. beyond happy with and excited for. my fiance is a lesbian, actually, and has been incredibly good and patient with reassuring me that the relationship we have, exactly as it is, is what they want too, that they don't feel like i'm depriving them of anything. we love each other very much, and we're building the life together that we want, in exactly the way that we want.

and that's how it happened, really. we talked about what we wanted. i got engaged at the end of what i've referred to as a 'several hour long conversation' which is the truth sdlkfs. a close friend and i both had sort of 'evaluating the next couple years of our lives and how we wanted pivotal parts of our futures to go' moments about the same time, and it came up i think mostly as a half-serious suggestion that we could get married. for logistical reasons, it made sense for us. and then we started talking about what that might look like - what we wanted, from our lives and our futures, and our hypothetical marriage. and the more we talked about it, the more serious it got, the more real it got, and the more we both i think realized we wanted the same thing. the same life, the same way, together.

we talked about a whole lot in that first couple of days. one of the very first things we talked about actually was kids - did we want them? what was important to us about having and raising children (names, religion, etc)? then it was stuff like did we have strong feelings about where we lived. did we want our own rooms in our home, did we want to wear rings (i love my engagement ring. it makes me smile every time i notice it on my hand), what did we want to tell our friends. we had conversations about whether and how we wanted a wedding. what sort of physical intimacy we were comfortable with, what sort we might want (really glad we did that, and that we were honest and open about that - nothing better, it turns out, than Cuddling Your Wife). what sort of affection we were comfortable with around other people.

our relationship, our life, is what we want it to be. exactly what we want it to be. what makes us happy. we've built it from a vast and beautiful array of choices and options, adding the things we want and leaving the things we don't. it's an approach i would highly recommend to everyone, honestly - talking about what you want out of your relationship, what you want to do and how you want to be with someone rather than just picking which of a short list of proscribed 'types of relationship' you want to have. it leaves a lot more room for nuance and what will actually make you happy than much less contextually nuanced things like assuming your definition of 'dating' will match the other person's, or that the kind of relationship you want just isn't possible. setting up that kind of foundation in communication and honesty and being clear about our expectations and needs has fostered a relationship where i feel respected and valued and heard - and i'm reasonably certain (and i hope!) that they feel the same.

we travelled to my birthplace so they could be introduced to my family and my childhood best friend. it's always both surprising and amusing to me every time someone assumes i'm gay (gender is complicated but we both tend to read as women) - this happened a lot there, and as i've told my extended family and other more casual friends about my engagement. this doesn't bother me at all (i'm not out to almost anyone irl as aromantic, and it's a reasonable conclusion to reach given what information they have) but it's extremely funny when i also get to find out which of my family members/people i knew in middle school always sort of wondered if i was gay but never asked sldkjs. turns out the answer is 'a lot'.

re: assumptions, for the most part, we don't bother explaining the nature of our relationship to people. this is also something we talked about! we discussed how much we wanted to clarify or contextualize, and decided that ultimately like... with the exception of people we're very close to, and in contexts like this (fairly anonymous post on ye olde internet with the ability to immediately block anyone who clowns on it), it's really nobody's business unless we decide it is and we're cool with just letting people assume whatever. that does lead to some like... i can't speak for them but it gets a little weird for me sometimes, i'm not gonna lie. it feels a little like getting misgendered, having people assume that i'm in a romantic relationship. i say that as a nonbinary person who's mostly just. chill about not being out about that irl. that's the best descriptor i have to help people understand what might be a hard thing to understand. but it doesn't bug me enough to want to put myself - or my fiance - through what correcting that assumption would involve. i mostly don't blame anyone for it - it's extremely reasonable to assume someone who is engaged is in a romantic relationship with the person they're engaged to - except for when friends who know i'm aromantic and somehow think this means that's... changed, somehow? or jump to assuming i'm in a romantic relationship before considering i might not be in one and still be engaged anyway. so it's kind of weird, and feels a little bad, but not enough to really do anything about it except hope the world changes a bit and stops making assumptions about other people's relationships at some point.

that's really the only downside, hand to gd. that and worrying that there might be consequences, legally, if the wrong person finds out we're married but Not Like That. everything else is honestly amazing. it's the best thing that's ever happened to me and i'm so unbelievably happy. i never thought i'd ever get to be this happy, or have a future this bright and warm and full of love to look forward to. having spent a lot of my life for various reasons thinking i just wouldn't have a future at all, it's like every day is a really incredible dream, except i'm never going to have to wake up.

the moral of the story i guess, if you've made it this far in this novel of an answer, anon, which i wouldn't bet on, because it's so much longer than i planned on it being (SORRY SDLKFJS i guess this is more than just a 'writing fic' problem for me now XD), is that your relationships are what you make them. assuming that what you want isn't possible, or that nobody could possibly want the same thing, is a great way to cheat yourself out of something wonderful. nobody has to have any kind of relationship, obviously, if they don't want one, but i think there are a lot of people - aromantic and not! though i do think this probably impacts aro people. more. - who could benefit from the idea that there are more options out there than just like... 1. romantic relationship constructed in a specific way and following a specific path, and 2. being alone.

#gav gab #aromantic #aro blogging #gav answers #a MUCH LONGER post about my engagement/marriage and life and whatnot than i thought i'd be writing but #here we are.#the truth is i'm just already the world's biggest wife guy and i want to talk about it all day long sldkfjs #'how are you a romance repulsed aromantic engaged' very happily as it turns out!#they also just went home after a visit yesterday (were long distance rn while we’re finishing school) and im a big baby about it #turns out sleeping alone after NOT doing that is. hard and weird.

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