#...lets not rn

[definitivelynotanalien]

Someone I talk to online: ....I'm gonna go hang out with some of my Other friends......

Me: Ok, have fun! :3

Hours later at 2 am while I feel like I'm gonna get a massive headache

Me: ...Wait. "Other friends"...?

WE'RE FRIENDS?!

THEY THINK IM A FRIEND?!

#Horror is friend?? #wait but fr??? #why am i slow #why am i like this #also you know who you are #hi :33 #youre so cool #nah but what if im being dumb and they dont think im a friend #...lets not rn #im gonna soak in this joy

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[annabethisterrified]

#lowkey (minus any queerbaiting bc let's be so for real rn) #ARM SCENE?????????? #harrow the ninth

[chloesimaginationthings]

Jeremiah and Mike’s first conversation in FNAF 2

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #fnaf #mike schmidt #jeremiah fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf 2 movie #fnaf foxy #fnaf chica #freddy fazbear #fnaf bonnie #william afton #fnaf vanessa #vanessa shelly #vanessa afton #springtrap #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #FINALLY JEREMIAH MENTIONED 🔥🔥 #I’ve been meaning to draw him for so long Ahhh #Mike’s one bestie is here!!! #seriously though it’s been like one week two tops since Jeremiah last saw Mike #how is he gonna react to mike’s whole story BAHAH #LIKE HES gonna think he’s messing with him again #some more of his sleep theory shit #Jeremiah is concerned for his eppy friend #please let Jeremiah be in the next movie pls pls #I need more of their friendship rn

[triona-tribblescore]

Sometimes I forget im allowed to draw him going a lil crazy 😌✨

#scheduled post #LET HIM GO CRAZYYYY #:D #sorry for being so bad at interactions lately #been so so busy with life rn #gimme like 3-4 weeks and I'll be back to being chronically online /lh #sending love <3 #angel dust #angel dust fanart #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin #husk #huskerdust #(?) #theres a little there lol #hazbin hotel travis #tribbleart #<3

[thediamondarcher]

Tumblr you know what would be a really good "valentines present"...

#droping this rn #aroace tag #aroace #asexual #aromantic #aro #ace #aroace spectrum #i know it's upsidedown but lets ignore that for now

[barblaz-arts]

It's like catholic guilt or something idk

I'm not one for the who fell first who fell harder debate usually, but Charlie definitely fell first based on that flashback. And I don't need to elaborate who fell harder, cuz it's definitely Ms "I'll be your armor, I'll spend my life being your partner".

I like to think Vaggie spent some time kindly brushing off Charlie's advances because she was still holding out hope that she could somehow return to heaven. But eventually she decided that Hell's worth staying for as long as Charlie is with her, and that she'd help her achieve her dream of getting other sinners to ascend instead to make up for all the souls she destroyed.

#hazbin hotel #chaggie #charlie morningstar #vaggie #cant stop thinking about charlie and Vaggie pre-relationship #guys they were probably so cute ahhh #my art #also i cant draw on the computer rn but these scenarios have to be let outta my head

[eluminium]

i am so. not normal. about skizz saying that he didn't feel nervous before the Gamers Outreach charity event 2024 was starting. because he felt at home. like he said he still feels nervous in his day job even after 18 years of working there! But doing the charity event? he felt like he was home. like he was where he should be.

contrast that with impulse saying he was sweating to hell and back and preparing for every single way the event could go wrong

#imp and skizz #skizzleman #impulsesv #hermitcraft charity event #hermitcraft #skizz with the EMOTIONAL GUT PUNCHES! #bro get that man out his day job like rn #he needs OUTTTT GET HIM OUTTA THERE LET HIM MAKE CONTENT FULL TIME!!!!! #dose of impulse #dose of skizz

[wardingshout]

Zelda goes mushroom girl

#tloz #a link to the past #zelda #link #my art #I was happy with that first one but for some reason decided it still needed a companion piece so I spent way too long on that second one... #I don't think there was any time during the progress where I was happy with it but hfduhdfu at least I got to Attempt drawing moss hell yea #I also at some point sat in Pyu's art stream and said I enjoy drawing legs As I was being murdered by the infamously impossibe (imo) squat. #it's ok I had fun !! but I need to learn how to let doodles be doodles or I'll never finish stuff at this rate dfsuhfd #if everything in my tloz tag looks like it was drawn by different people uuuh 2023 was art crisis year ngl...... #I'm falling back into my old ways rn though #anyway I think about these two a lot I think they're both stone faced and awkward ppl in different ways but they try rly hard to be friends #like I like to think it starts out so incredibly awkward and a bit sad bc they keep stepping over each other's toes accidentally the harder #they try but idk they find comfy middle ground idk in my brain they have a very interesting friendship I wanna get around to drawing it #in a proper way that might make sense.... #if I don't write 200 tags I will die maybe it's bc I grew up on dA or smth #and yes I know how to find 1 (one) type of mushroom /I/ am not mushroom girl unfortunately smh

[stealingpotatoes]

I know you have several time travel AUs already but consider: the last (4) Jedi wind up in the Clone Wars era.

Only one of them is an actual Jedi, half of them are romantically involved with someone (maybe even with each other if you ship skybridger), another half are extremely close with one or more Mandalorians, and none of them have had more than two years of training. And somehow THEYRE the only ones left.

The council would have a conniption.

i have a LOT of thoughts about this au but as always, gotta start with the silly

(commission info // kofi support!)

#this is probably after all of them were like we're in the republic??? okay let's tagteam killing palpatine rn #mace windu #ahsoka tano #luke skywalker #ezra bridger #cal kestis #bd 1 #yoda #star wars #the last (4) jedi #my doods #tl4j time travel au

[hinamie]

redraws featuring some of my fav megu moments(tm)

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #itadori yuuji #yuji itadori #yuuji #megumi #fanart #jjk fanart #itafushi #i guess lol #i LOV that frame of blushing megu but let me see his FACE mappa >:( #let me see fushiguro tsundere megumi or so help me god #anyway gege wont give my son back so i will continue to cope the only way i know how #manga is wild rn i will simply bide my time until he returns #edit bc i cannot count to five and gave him . 4 fingers in th first post..............gomen..................

[pixlokita]

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#my art #fnaf au #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf security breach #fnaf gregory #evan afton #crying child #michael afton #glamrock freddy #fnaf 4 #fnaf comic #into the ballpit au #tw vomit #emetophobia #tw throwing up #let’s assume his bandaid fell off while he slept not because I forgot #I barely awake rn aaaaaaa

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

#nosebleed club #sorry stephen not ur fault #just like. thinking #writeblr #spilled ink #warm up #every time nat is like - oh let me get that for u #im like .... this is a trick right like ur gonna be mean now bc u did something nice rn #so obviously if ur being nice now either u did something mean and im about to learn about it #or you're going to BE mean #or ur gonna hold this over my head forever and i'll never get a nice thing ever again? #and every time nat is like .... babe i just actually like u #lesbian jesus story is 100% real btw. she also told me not to be an event planner #literally changed the shape of my life

[bughugz]

penetrative sex is always like cool in theory but everything before and after that is where its at i love foreplay i want the sexual tension i want aggressive make outs and sloppy head that turns into face fucking and dialogue that gets you whining in anticipation clawing at skin and bruises and bite marks everywhere hands around my neck and in my hair and on my hips and my ass red and my nipples so sensitive from being sucked on and tugged at being hit across the face and manhandled around and the teasing at the entrance to my holes that just drags on forever and drives me crazy and leaves me begging to be filled and and it's sooo good when it finally happens but god do i love the journey and then being edged or overstimulated within half an inch of my life and finally the aftercare hands gently navigating my body and silly pillow talk and cuddling and kissing and praise and affirmation and smoking a joint together and falling asleep in each others arms or deciding we gotta go bake some cookies and watch cartoons or the autistic urge to watch some dumb youtube video essay or play minecraft taking over whatever i don't even care i'm just really gay and need it all and like to each their own but i feel bad for everyone who is just experiencing basic boring heteronormative sex🫠

#queer nsft #ftm sub #ftm nsft #trans nsft #nsft t4t #ftm bunny #ftm puppy #ftm t4t #yearning so hard rn #just please let me sit on a cute trans fags face #bun ramblings #1k

[bbaycon]

You can’t gimme two dragon men and expect me to not crave to see them together … YOU CAN’T

Gotta click for a better quality tho - I

Gosh I love Neuvillette

If he’s not the hydro dragon then WHAT

Have I just went crazy the moment he came out to the point where i couldnt focus on anything else .. maybe yes maybe not

#genshin impact fanart #genshin impact #zhongli genshin impact #neuvillette genshin #mah boi #i love them #i love my dragon men #i say damn the canon rn let them be childhood friends #neuvillette has like 20 minutes of screentime but i absolutly love him #i can’t draw stoic chara… #anyway take my brainrot #neuvillette #fontaine genshin #fontaine

[triona-tribblescore]

Something something they are in love uvu <3

#morning doodle before work~ #I just wanted to draw husk in boxers lets be real #also entirely not arsed to draw a background rn - forvib me #but i love themmm #historians would call them besties uvu #HAVE A GOOD DAY IF YOU SEE THIS <33 #mwah! #huskerdust #angel dust #husk #husker #angel dust fanart #husk fanart #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #tribbleart #suggestive tw #/? #its not they are just being soft but just in case :'>