in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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hi my love, welcome to my blog
i hope you enjoy your time here <33
anon list || pronouns page || pinterest || spotify
➵ you can call me lucy or luc and any other nicknames that fit, also i adore petnames
➵ basic info. they/she, 16, lesbian(also somewhere on the aroace spectrum idk babe I'm confused), certified romantic advice-giver, enfp, gemini, nz, i adore dogs, plant mum, i love painting, pesto lover, writing is my life, i love going on walks and picnics, I'm 100% a spring girlie, i can't live without music, spotify is the loml, reputation and folklore girlie, pinterest whore, i hate coffee (sorry), avid lover of platonic love, i overshare on the internet, slytherin, i don't ship real people but idc if you do as long as you're respectful about it, i love character design!!! i've been told by my best friends that i'm a real life nick nelson & remus lupin (also a wet cat but let's just ignore that ahahaha <3 i often disappear from tumblr for a while due to my mental health <3
➵ music. conan gray, maisie peters, gracie abrams, billie eilish, FINNEAS, lyn lapid, taylor swift, sabrina carpenter, olivia rodrigo, ABBA, arctic monkeys, fletcher, queen, claire rosinkranz, chappell roan, girl in red, phoebe bridgers, boygenius, renee rapp, troye sivan, lauv, harry styles, niall horan, lizzy mcalpine, johnny orlando, ricky montgomery, zayn, maggie lindemann, louis tomlinson, beabadoobee, ella jane, cigarettes after sex, emei, tate mcrae, lana del rey, melanie martinez, 5sos, the neighbourhood, chase atlantic, clairo, hozier, paramore, and more
➵ books. osemanverse, hunger games, anne of green gables, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, a good girls guide to murder trilogy, the other side of the sky, his dark materials trilogy, red white and royal blue, i kissed shara wheeler, marauders era (not the actual series just the marauders. also anti jkr ew fuck that bitch), six of crows, shadow and bone and more
➵ movies + tv shows. spiderverse movies, marvel, stranger things, heartstopper, young royals, red white and royal blue, first kill, anne with an e, hunger games, gilmore girls, i am not okay with this, my policeman, shadow and bone, she-ra, httyd, and more
➵ characters. natasha romanoff, wanda maximoff, james potter, kate bishop, loki, katniss everdeen, max mayfield, robin buckley, tara jones, tori spring, alex claremont-diaz, jimmy kaga-ricci, georgia warr, evelyn hugo, remus lupin, sirius black, regulus black, lorelai gilmore, remus lupin, sirius black, elle argent, tao zu, beth harmon, finnick odair, jesper fahey
➵ art. i love art but posting it is terrifying. i've just started doing digital art in the last few months. i mainly paint but I'm doing printmaking at school so that there's more variation
➵ my blogs.
alt acc: @wouldve-couldve-shouidve
writing: @svnflower-writes + my ao3 is sunflowerrmoon
mediocre poetry: @lostmypagewhenyoukissedme
aesthetics: my moodboards @inthestarsicanseeyoureyes
➵ besties. my favourite mutuals (i've probably missed someone im sorry) @qwerty-keysmash @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @themidnightarcher @gu1lty-as-sin @a-beautiful-fool @recklessandyoung @kurtcobainsgreencardigan @ethereal-maia @dorothheaa @runwiththerain @returnofthecabbageman @spaceandotheroddities @trying-to-be-cool-abt-it @nqds @kingofmylastkiss @loveution @in-the-sweet-november-rain @folklore-girl @urbanflorals @skeelly @thedvilsinthedetails @halucynator @stvrlighhttt @bookscorpion73 @octoberconstellation @lakespoet @nicknelsonblog @tulips-best @weeping-in-the-willows @imperpetuallylost (literally all you have to do to be added to this is talk to me babe)
➵ note. i would love to be friends with you, please do not hesitate to message me/send me an ask (preferably an ask im an awkward mess in dms) i literally cannot shut up so if you talk to me abt anything i love i will enthusiastically respond (often in all caps) <3 my discord is the same @ i use here and if we're close you can ask for my insta <33 if you know me irl please stop looking at my blog. there's a 96% chance i don't want you looking at this blog, please don't take it personally <33 (on another note, this blog stands with palestine!!!)
➵ thank you for reading my pinned post <3
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