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spilledinkandtears · 9 months

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I hated biscuits. Could never stand them. But then one day I bought some to get change for the washing machine and you thought I liked them. So you kept on buying them for me, and I grew to love biscuits. (Via @spilledinkandtears )

He is my love

#spilled ink #spilled words #extracts from a book i'll never write #spilled tears #excerpt from a story i'll never write #i love him #3am thoughts #excerpt from my life #unrequited feelings #spilled thoughts #excerpt from a book i'll never write #poets on tumblr #3 am poetry

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spilledinkandtears · 9 months

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no matter how loud I scream "I love you", it doesn't seem to matter

#spilled ink #spilled words #extracts from a book i'll never write #3am thoughts #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #spilled thoughts #extract from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #spilled tears #unrequited feelings #unrequited love #drunkposting #i love him #i love you

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spilledinkandtears · 10 months

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Stay alive they said. Fight to stay alive. But I have been fighting all my life. All I've known is the battle with myself. I have been fighting and now I am tired.

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spilledinkandtears · 10 months

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I want them to know I tried. I really tried. I wanted to stay hopeful that life would get better. But it only kept getting worse. I love them but I love me more. and what is best for me right now is peace, oblivion. I need them to let me go

A sister, a friend, an activist and a girl that was dealt bad cards from the very beginning. 16/04/1999- 13/07/2023

(Via @spilledinkandtears )

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #extracts from a book i'll never write #spilled tears #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #depressing thoughts #depression

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spilledinkandtears · 10 months

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175mg of lamotrigine, 7.5mg of lorazepam. Could this be my last night? Will I wake up in the morning? I hope not.

Last diary entry/ 13/07/2023 (Via @spilledinkandtears)

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #extracts from a book i'll never write #spilled tears #extract from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #drug overdose

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spilledinkandtears · 10 months

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Stay alive they said. Fight to stay alive. But I have been fighting all my life. All I've known is the battle with myself. I have been fighting and now I am tired.

#spilled ink #extracts from a book i'll never write #spilled thoughts #spilled tears #spilled words #depressing thoughts #depressive #i thought of this at 3am #3am thoughts #self harm

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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I got home and collapsed to the ground barely being able to breathe. It physically hurt to try to stay alive and I was trying so hard. Why couldn't they tell?

Untitled (Via @spilledinkandtears)

#depressed #Suicide #Deep thoughts #deppresing thoughts #deppresing quotes #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled tears #spilled poetry #3am poetry #3am thoughts #i thought of this at 3am #extracts from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #Excerpt from my heart #excerpt from a book I'll never write #mental health #mental illness

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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"How does that song go- love like you've never loved before?" "How can I love a heart that belongs to someone else"

11pm conversations with my older sister (via @spilledinkandtears)

#unrequited love #unrequited feelings #unrequited quotes #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled tears #spilled poetry #poets on tumblr #heartbreak #extracts from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #Excerpt from my heart #excerpt from a book I'll never write

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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Do you know what its like to never be at peace? To need sleep medication just for your mind to shut down for a few hours?

My thoughts are louder than I can bear. (Via @spilledinkandtears)

#spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled tears #spilled poetry #extracts from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #unrequited feelings #Excerpt from my heart #excerpt from a book I'll never write #depression #depressing thoughts #Suicide #Suicidal Thoughts

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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I had that big hotel room with that Queen sized bed all to myself, and yet, I only found comfort and sleep on the floor in the fetal position in that little corner.

Loneliness- (Via @spilledinkandtears)

#spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled tears #spilled poetry #poets on tumblr #Poems #deep poetry #3am poetry #poetry #writers on tumblr #extracts from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #Excerpt from my heart #excerpt from a book I'll never write

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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…and in that moment it dawned on me that I might not be deserving of love.

Untitled (Via @spilledinkandtears)

#spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled tears #spilled poetry #poets on tumblr #3am poetry #writing #writers on tumblr #extracts from a book i'll never write #Excerpt from my heart #excerpt from my life #excerpt from a book I'll never write #heartache #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #unrequited quotes #Drunk thoughts

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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“I was shaking but I wasn't cold. Another episode…worse than the last one. My chest hurt and I could breathe. One hand clawing at my neck fighting the invisible power that was strangling me, the other pulling my entire body to the drawer where I keep my medication. The bottles rattled in my hand as I fidgeted with their caps. It seemed like these days, I could only get through with sedatives and sleeping pills. My eyes brimming with tears and my vision blurred, I spilled both bottles content into my shaking palm. ‘How many am I supposed to take’ I try to recall the doctors prescription with my foggy mind that was flashing through memories I had buried deep inside. I was sick of this happening. It was always so exhausting carrying this weight. My shaking hand brought the pills closer to my mouth but I was shaking so hard they all fell to the ground. That’s when I realized what I had almost just done. There in that moment as numerous white and orange pills lay next to my feet, illuminated by the security lights outside that was piercing through my curtains. I opened my mouth to wail but nothing came out. I get to live another day.”

— 28/12/2021. (Via @spilledinkandtears)

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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And as I lay there on the grass- warm tears streaming down my face, the light from the full moon felt comforting. This moon that has seen my lonely nights as a child, my first heartbreak, my first drunken escapade. This moon that has been my companion when I enjoyed midnight poetry, those lonely nights with wine and ice-cream- in that moment, I felt her tell me it will be alright. I felt the warmth from her light cover me whole and tell me that I would find someone who loved me for who I was.

The moon, my guardian angel. (via @spilledinkandtears)

#spilled poetry #spilled tears #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled thoughts #it is 3am #3am thoughts #3am poetry #3 am writing #extracts from a book i'll never write #drunk thoughts

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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Do you think centuries later, someone will find the postcards you sent, in them your precious words to me. Do you think they will read them like we read letters between lovers and friends in the 50s, 60s, 70s and wish to have a love as innocent and fulfilling? I hope when they read your words for me in these postcards they find hope. The hope in love that I found when I read them.

19/06/1998 (Via @spilledinkandtears)

#spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled ink #spilled tears #spilled poetry #happiness #bestfriend #3am thoughts #writers on tumblr #extracts from a book i'll never write #excerpt from my life #Excerpt from my heart #excerpt from a book I'll never write #I love you

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spilledinkandtears · 2 years

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I was shaking but I wasn't cold. Another episode...worse than the last one. My chest hurt and I could breathe. One hand clawing at my neck fighting the invisible power that was strangling me, the other pulling my entire body to the drawer where I keep my medication. The bottles rattled in my hand as I fidgeted with their caps. It seemed like these days, I could only get through with sedatives and sleeping pills. My eyes brimming with tears and my vision blurred, I spilled both bottles content into my shaking palm. 'How many am I supposed to take' I try to recall the doctors prescription with my foggy mind that was flashing through memories I had buried deep inside. I was sick of this happening. It was always so exhausting carrying this weight. My shaking hand brought the pills closer to my mouth but I was shaking so hard they all fell to the ground. That's when I realized what I had almost just done. There in that moment as numerous white and orange pills lay next to my feet, illuminated by the security lights outside that was piercing through my curtains. I opened my mouth to wail but nothing came out. I get to live another day.

28/12/2021. (Via @spilledinkandtears)

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spilledinkandtears · 3 years

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Even if I cant properly articulate how much I love you in this moment, I know I want to spend the rest of my life showing you.

Untitled (via @spilledinkandtears)

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spilledinkandtears · 3 years

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I look at you and I know you are who I want to come home to. You are home.

Home for me is not the shinny house down the street with a nice yard and a picket white fence. It is your two hands wrapped around me, my head on your chest listening to your heart beat. (Via @spilledinkandtears)

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