mostofmylifeisnotthere

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

With Mother & Father’s day coming up, please remember you are not required to be grateful to abusive parents. Please remember,

Don’t break no-contact.

Don’t let family guilt you into breaking no-contact.

Don’t feel guilty for living w/ them as an adult, you’re doing your best.

Don’t feel you’re betraying yourself if you have to give ‘appeasement gifts.’

DO put your mental & physical wellbeing first, as we know they won’t.

Maybe get yourself something, so many of us had to be our own parent anyway.

#mother's day #father's day #abusive parents #surviving abuse #coping with mental health #coping with mental illness #it's that time of year again

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

Seasonal Depression Reminder

Winter will be over soon. Spring will come again. The sun won’t be just a memory anymore. The earth will unfreeze. The flowers will grow. The birds will return. You will survive this.  And everything will be okay.

#reblog #seasonal depression #winter

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

Since the holidays are upon us, just remember to take care of yourself.

I know the holidays are hard. I know some families act worse than monsters. 

I know a lot of people don’t have anyone to rely on. 

But if you can’t do anything else, please be kind to yourself.

#reblog #abusive family #surviving abise #actually traumatized

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

If you're living in an abusive home & aren't able to leave or aren't ready yet, it's perfectly okay & there is nothing wrong with you for staying put & waiting it out.

It is often safer to stay put, gather your resources & keep a roof over your head until you are ready to go.

It does NOT make you 'weak' or 'lazy' or 'not trying hard enough.'

It's okay to process your situation at your own pace.

#actually traumatized #abusive parents #abusive family #actuallytraumatized #surviving abuse #coping with abuse #abusive mother #abusive father #verbal abuse #emotional abuse #abusive home

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

I just really need to vent about something on here tonight. So I've been feeling really panicked because my sibling is moving out soon & leaving me alone with our abusive mom & I'm terrified of living alone with her.

My brother has always been the favorite & went out of his way to exclude me from everything & treat me like I didn't exist growing up. He's hard to talk to & we're not close despite living in the same house. Though recently, I felt like we'd actually established some trust.

HOWEVER, He went on vacation last week and I found out that HE SECRETLY GOT MARRIED while on vacation.

I found out accidentally over facebook of all things.

It was like a massive slap to the face.

He doesn't know I know. & to make matters worse the only other family member I thought I could trust was in on leaving me out of the loop.

One hand I get it. Being raised in an abusive family SUCKS and destroys relationships. I'm not even pissed that he didn't invite me to the wedding. He deserves his privacy & having anyone at your wedding that reminds you of your bad up bringing can be a trigger. I'm even happy for him that he gets to live his life & get away from our mom.

But like.... he could have at least given me a heads up???? I am an adult and I would have understood?? & I'm doubly mad at the other family member. Because he's always trying to make himself like the moderator & the voice of reason in every situation ( he's really bad at it though) & then he pulls something like this? Though I should have expected this because he and my brother were always like 2 peas in a pod.

I'm just feeling really betrayed because these were the last 2 people I felt like I had any trust in. And now I have no one. I am physically disabled. Stuck living with an abuser...and I have no one on my side.

Also for a really awkward plot twist.... my brother's new wife looks just like our mom.

(also sorry I haven't posted in months my illness has been kicking my ass)

#venting #trauma #vent post

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

With Mother & Father’s day coming up, please remember you are not required to be grateful to abusive parents. Please remember,

Don’t break no-contact.

Don’t let family guilt you into breaking no-contact.

Don’t feel guilty for living w/ them as an adult, you’re doing your best.

Don’t feel you’re betraying yourself if you have to give ‘appeasement gifts.’

DO put your mental & physical wellbeing first, as we know they won’t.

Maybe get yourself something, so many of us had to be our own parent anyway.

#lol my dad tried to contact me again

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't updated in months. My health took a turn for the worst for quite a while, but it finally convinced my doctors to actually get me on a consistent treatment.

I started medication & I am doing leaps & bounds better. They're still not 100% sure what's wrong with me but I think we're closing in on a solid diagnosis now that we know the meds are working.

Hopefully the medication keeps working & I can retain some semblance of normalcy to my life .

#health update #update #yeah I'm alive

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

Sorry I haven’t been posting here a lot. My health keeps relapsing. Each time I get better, I improve less & for a shorter period of time. 

I’ve been sick for over a year. My doctors still don’t know what’s wrong with me 100%. My diagnosis keeps changing.

Now they say I have conversion disorder, which is when a psychological stressor nerfs your body. (think somebody sees something traumatic and goes blind temporarily). So they’re sending me to therapy.    

I understand conversion disorder is a real disorder, & with the weird things my brain has done in the past, it’s definitely a possibility...

I’m just really scared doctors are writing me off because we’re in the middle of a pandemic & they don’t want to thoroughly check all their bases.

#actuallytraumatized #disabled #conversion disorder #Health Update #chronic illness

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

It’s completely bizarre how quickly my mother cries at minor inconveniences. But yet, she went through years of physically & psychologically torturing me & I was expected the keep a straight face the whole time. It wasn’t “supposed” to effect me.

#actuallytraumatized #abusive family #abusive parents #abusive mother #emotional abuse #vent #mental health #mental illness #mental well being #surviving trauma #surviving abuse #coping with abuse #coping with trauma #Coping with Depression #Coping with Anxiety #abuse #trauma

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

It’s just so strange being at a point when you realize you’re far more emotionally mature than your parents ever were & all the abusive behavior now has context.

They stopped maturing at an early age. They still solve problems by throwing tantrums and lashing out. They’re emotionally stuck as toddlers, maybe teenagers, at most. And they make no effort to improve themselves.

 It’s just sad.

Because they’re stuck like that.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s no excuse for abusive behavior. I did my years of being furious at them. I know forgiveness is useless because they’re dangerous & I’m smart enough to keep my distance. But I’m at a point where I feel bad for them. Because they’re unstable and they don’t want to get better.

#actuallytraumatized #abusive parents #abusive family #emotional abuse #abusive father #actually traumatized #actually mentally ill #surviving abuse #surviving trauma #trauma #coping with abuse #coping with depression #coping with anxiety #mental health #mental illness #mental wellbeing

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

Haven't seen a post in a long while - are you alright?

 Yes. I’m okay! Thanks for asking!!! 

My health problems seem to get worse with stress & with everything that’s been going on recently, my symptoms have increased so I took a little break from social media. But I’m back now!

I have a bunch of unfinished things in my drafts so I’ll post again very soon! 

#asks @kenobilover1977 #kenobilover1977 #update #sorry if I worried anybody

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

hi there. i'm really sorry to disturb you. i just wanted to send you a small message to let you know how much i like your blog! obviously, all trauma is awful and in an ideal world no one would have to deal with it, but your posts are incredibly helpful to me. i feel a little more validated, and understanding of myself, because of you. i'm really sorry to hear about your current situation. i'm sorry that i can't help. i really hope things get even just a little better for you. bye now..

Hello! You’re not disturbing me at all! I’m honestly so glad this blog was able to help someone else feel validated & understood. Sometimes I just feel like I’m selfishly rambling & just hope I’m making sense. And don’t feel bad about my situation. Things have been really quiet recently & my health, while still iffy, is getting more manageable. So, I’m doing ok. Thank you so much for the kind words & I hope you’re able to stay safe & healthy!

#asks #rhapsodie-rain

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

For those of you stuck quarantined with your abusive parents this year, just remember it’s fine to do what you need to in order to keep yourself safe & happy, whether that’s giving appeasement gifts or staying in your room all day.

Look out for yourself & stay safe. 

With Mother & Father’s day coming up, please remember you are not required to be grateful to abusive parents. Please remember,

Don’t break no-contact.

Don’t let family guilt you into breaking no-contact.

Don’t feel guilty for living w/ them as an adult, you’re doing your best.

Don’t feel you’re betraying yourself if you have to give ‘appeasement gifts.’

DO put your mental & physical wellbeing first, as we know they won’t.

Maybe get yourself something, so many of us had to be our own parent anyway.

#mother's day #abusive parents #reblog

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

One awful thing about being raised by abusive parents is that they don’t teach you basic social etiquette & they isolate you so you can’t learn.

 For years, maybe even decades you might do things that are rude, mean, or have bad connotations & you have NO clue because no one corrects you. 

Everyone raised in a good home assumes it’s your nature to be weird & rude so no one says anything out of fear of confrontation. And when someone DOES say something, it’s almost never somebody who corrects you gently. It’s almost always someone who explodes at you. 

Then you get confused as to whether you’re actually wrong or that person was just a jerk who likes to yell at people.

#actually traumatized #actuallytraumatized #actually mentally ill #abusive parents #emotional abuse #abusive family #abusive father #abusive mother #abusive relationships #surviving abuse #coping with trauma #Coping with Depression #Coping with Anxiety #surviving trauma #trauma #depression #anxiety #mental health #mental illness #mental wellbeing

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

Update 2

Schools in my state have been closed for the rest of the year which confirms my fears that we’ll be quarantined for like 6 + months.  

My mother works at a school so I’m going to be stuck in here with her for as long as this is going on.  

She’s getting stir crazy and argumentative again. She’s been blasting the the tv at a high volume for days, & at all hours, not caring that the across-the-wall neighbor is a hospital nurse with small children.

Not to mention she’s a walking bio hazard because she doesn’t think the rules apply to her. She’ll come home & leave her mask and gloves on the dining room table, if she wears them. She’s already purposely coughed in my face once. (she did that before the pandemic as well and has gotten me very sick on numerous occasions).  

I’m dealing ok. Very unhinged today as she had a massive melt down earlier.

I hope everyone’s doing ok out there.

My town is on lockdown & I’ve been stuck inside with my mother for 3 days…

it’s going…..it sure is.  

After the first morning of her being home she was already acting like a troll ready to club someone over the head. I was just sitting there quietly trying not to lose it. Oh and my headphones died the first day so I have to listen to her screech at the tv 24/7. 

Hopefully the closures only last for the minimum of 2 weeks time & not the max. time of over a month. 

#actually traumatized #COVID19 #corone virus #update #mental health #mental illness #mental well being #quarantine

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

what is it about bathroom floor tiles that just send me careening into the void??

#I THOUGHT I WAS THEONLY ONE WTF

[mostofmylifeisnotthere]

Update

Things have thankfully quieted down. Looks like this quarantine is going to last for quite a while, maybe months so hopefully it stays peaceful. 

On the bright side my health issues have improved and I’m able to move around normally for now. I still have to see a few more doctors for my remaining symptoms but I’ve finished my physical therapy for mobility. 

I hope everyone else under quarantine is coping somehow. This is going to be a wild ride for most people, let alone, anyone living with abusers, so please hold on to hope & keep yourself healthy & safe.  

My town is on lockdown & I’ve been stuck inside with my mother for 3 days…

it’s going…..it sure is.  

After the first morning of her being home she was already acting like a troll ready to club someone over the head. I was just sitting there quietly trying not to lose it. Oh and my headphones died the first day so I have to listen to her screech at the tv 24/7. 

Hopefully the closures only last for the minimum of 2 weeks time & not the max. time of over a month. 

#update #mostofmylifeisnoththere #COVID19