bookowldawn

[bookowldawn]

My best books of 2020

Well, here we are again. I don’t know if anyone will even read this, but time for my yearly recap of the top 5 best books I read the previous year. I think we can all agree that 2020 was certainly an eventful year, and escaping into a good book was definitely nice at times. Due to avoiding going to the library for periods of time, I read a lot of the books I own at home and thus quite a few of the books I read last year were re-reads. Out of the 50 books I managed to read, 13 were re-reads and will not be included in this list of my favourite books that I read in 2020, only the books that I read for the first time were considered. Since I can’t be bothered to rank them, I will simply present them in the order in which I read them. So, without further ado, here are my top 5 books read in 2020.

1. Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare

Well, at least one book of Cassandra Clare is bound to make it’s way onto this list each year so this is certainly no surprise. I read Chain of Gold as soon as I could get my hands on it and I was certianly not disappointed. This book did a wonderful job at intruducing the new characters, I love them all so much already. I really feel like Cassandra Clare gets better for every new book she puts out and I felt that Chain of Gold was a very good first book in this series. I’m really excited to see where it goes. I really loved it and I can almost guarantee that the second installment in the series, Chain of Iron, will be on this list for 2021.

2. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

I must admit, I was a bit apprehensive of this book when I first heard about it. I thought it would certainly be interesting and something I at some point would want to read, but I wasn’t really sure how much a prequel would add to the story. I didn’t even realize it was about President Snow until shortly before I decided to read it, and that made me even more uncertain. Snow wasn’t exactly my favourite character in the Hunger Games trilogy, and I thought it would be hard to relate to him and care about him in this book, but also interesting to see what set him down the path to be the person we see in the series. To my surprise I actually liked it a lot and found it very interesting to see how the Hunger Games came to be the way they are in the series and how Snow got the be the person he is. I really enjoyed this book and highly recommend it if you liked the Hunger Games trilogy!

3. Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas

The largest thing I took on reading-wise in 2020 was probably finally starting the Throne of Glass series. Sadly it was hard getting my hands on them from the library, so I couldn’t finish the series (I did that now in the first weeks of 2021), but I managed to read the first five books. Since I couldn’t let this list be full of the Throne of Glass books, I limited myself to picking only one for this list. It was hard, but I chose Empire of Storms since it was the last book I read and the tension is certainly high after that book. But really it symbolizes the entire series, because it’s just sooo good. I’m partly asking myself why I didn’t read it sooner and partly thanking myself for deciding all those years ago to wait with reading them until all the books were, because I don’t know how I’d survive needing to wait a year for each book. This series is truly great and I’m so glad I finally decided to read it!

4. The Lost Book of the White by Cassandra Clare & Wesley Chu

Well look at that, another Cassandra Clare book made it onto my list, who would have thought? No but in all seriousness, this book was great! Certainly not the best book in the Shadowhunter universe, but definitely good. Alec might be my all time favourite character and Malec is one of my all time favourite ships, so a book with them as the main characters can’t be anything other than good. It was also really nice seeing the old TMI gang back together again, I’ve missed them. This book did however kind of feel like a weird fever dream and thinking back on it now it almost feels like it can’t have been real. I guess the reason I didn’t like it more than I did was because it was almost too funny and weird for me to take it seriously. I did still love it though, and it was definitely hilarious from beginning to end!

5. The Tower of Nero by Rick Riordan

This is probably the book that took me most by surprise last year. I truly didn’t expect it to be amongst my top books of the year before I read it, and I was absolutely shocked by how much I loved it. I mean, I absolutely love Rick Riordan, PJO, HOO and MCGA are amongst my all time favourite series, Riordan is one of my favourite authors, but for some reason I never really liked the Trials of Apollo series that much. The first book was pretty good, but towards the end of it I kind of stopped liking it and I don’t quite know why. I didn’t like the second book much and the third I didn’t read until it had been out for almost six months (I usually read his books as soon as I possibly can). The fourth book was quite good and I therefore had hope the last book would be alright as well, but considering that I’d almost given up on the series in the middle, I did not expect the last book to be more than “quite good”. Boy, was I wrong. I read most of the book in just one day, I just couldn’t put it down, and the ending left me feeling soooo satisfied! This book just emotionally wrecked me, and it was all the more powerful because I had not expected it at all. It was such a good ending to the series, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over it. This book made powering through the previous ones totally worth it for me, it was such a good pay-off. Also, absolutely hilarious in true Rick Riordan fashion, and with the hints in it for upcoming stand-alone novels I am now so extremely excited for him come out with more books. That Solangelo novel that he heavily hinted at? I need it now please! Truly a great ending to the series, it exceeded all my expectations.

#my best books of 2020 #top 5 books 2020 #my top 5 #yearly top 5 books #book recommendations #books #great books #chain of iron #coi #cassandra clare #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #Suzanne Collins #empire of storms #throne of glass #sarah j maas #the lost book of the white #wesley chu #the tower of nero #the trials of apollo #toa #rick riordan

[bookowldawn]

My best books of 2019

Happy new year everybody! (a bit late, I know) Hope this new decade will be great to all of you! I know that I’m sadly not that active on this blog, but I did a post like this last year and people seemed to like it, so I thought I’d do one this year as well. Like last year I’ll list my top 5 books that I read this year, in the order in which I read them. I’ve read a total of 50 books this year, but I will not be considering the re-reads when making this list, only the books that I read for the first time in 2019. So, let’s get started!

1. What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera

This was the third book I read during 2019 and without a doubt one of the best! This book was simply everything I’d hoped it would be and more. I love both Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera, so I was of course super hyped to read a book that was written by both of them, but at the same time a little doubtful. While there’s some humour and happy moments in Adam Silvera’s books, they’re still mostly tragic, and I was a bit worried about how that would work together with Becky Albertalli’s hilarious feel-good novels. But there was no need for me to fear, because this book really has the best of both of them. This book had me laughing hysterically in one chapter and crying in the next, it was the perfect combination of hilarious, touching and brutally honest. I loved every word, and this book was not only one of the best books of 2019 for me, but easily one of the best contemporary books I’ve ever read. If you haven’t read it, do! I’ll probably read it again pretty soon if I’m being honest with myself.

2. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

Yes, Adam Silvera makes it into this list again. He’s just that good! Since I hadn’t read all of Adam Silvera’s books before I read What If It’s Us, I of course had to make sure to read the rest of them after, and this book really touched me. This time I was prepared for it to be insanely good, and for it to be extremely tragic, but it nevertheless took me on an emotional roller coaster and left me an emotional wreck. It was funny and sad and real, with such great highs and such terrible lows. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so scared to finish a book. The title does kind of spoil the end, so I knew what was coming and just really wanted to put the book down and never, ever finish it. I just wanted to pretend it ended about fifty pages earlier than it did, and that they lived happily ever after. But of couse I had to finish it, and of course it had that perfectly tragic ending that left me a crying mess, feeling devestated yet somehow content at the same time. I really don’t know how he does it, but Adam Silvera really has a way of writing tragic endings that somehow still leaves you satisfied. It’s an art I really want to learn. So yeah, this was an amazing book and if you haven’t read all of Adam Silvera’s books, go and do so immediately!

3. The Red Scrolls of Magic by Cassandra Clare & Wesley Chu

It’s not exactly a shock that this book appears on this list. I love everything written by Cassandra Clare, and especially Malec. They’re without a doubt one of my favorite ships, and Alec is possibly my favorite character of all time, so I was very much looking forward to this book and I loved it a lot. It was hilarious as well as heartfelt and with an interesting plot. I felt that it gave some more insight into the early stages of their relationship, which was really nice, and I very much look forward to reading the rest of this trilogy!

4. Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell

This was a book that I’ve been looking forward to for a long time, in a low key quiet way. I really loved all the characters in Carry On, and I was very much looking forward to follow up on them and see what they did following the event of that book, especially how Simon coped with what happened. But otherwise I barely knew what the book would be about, so it was a real adventure! This book was a lot of fun while also being honest with the consequences of the trauma that all the characters have gone through, and so it was also a bit sad and touching. It was overall a very good book, and I discovered that there’s going to be a third one while I was reading it, so I’m very much looking forward to see where this story goes next!

5. Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater

This book! Just... this book! I don’t even know where to start. The Raven Cycle is probably my favorite book series of all time, and so when I first heard about this trilogy, which would be something of a continuation of that story, I was beyond excited. This was my most anticipated book of the year, and I was not disappointed! I loved everything about this book, even more than I thought I would since I didn’t really have any idea going into this book of what it would be about. I was of course expecting the plot to be amazing, but I wasn’t prepared for exactly what it would be, and I absolutely loved it and I’m so intrigued to see where this will go! I loved all the new characters as well, and my love for the characters I already knew just grew! This book was simply amazing, I don’t even have words for how good it was. I’m really looking forward to reading the rest of it!

#my best books of 2019 #top 5 books 2019 #my top 5 #book recommendations #books #great books #what if it's us #Becky Albertalli #adam silvera #they both die at the end #the red scrolls of magic #cassandra clare #wesley chu #wayward son #rainbow rowell #call down the hawk #maggie stiefvater #cdth

[bookowldawn]

Happy Birthday to Harry James Potter (July 31st, 1980)

#harry potter #happy birthday harry #hp

[bookowldawn]

I think the Hunger Games series sits in a similar literary position to The Lord of the Rings, as a piece of literature (by a Catholic author) that sparked a whole new subgenre and then gets blamed for flaws that exist in the copycat books and aren’t actually part of the original.

Like, despite what parodies might say, Katniss is nowhere near the stereotypical “unqualified teenager chosen to lead a rebellion for no good reason”.  The entire point is that she’s not leading the rebellion. She’s a traumatized teenager who has emotional reactions to the horrors in her society, and is constantly being reined in by more experienced adults who have to tell her, “No, this is not how you fight the government, you are going to get people killed.” She’s not the upstart teenager showing the brainless adults what to do–she’s a teenager being manipulated by smarter and more experienced adults. She has no power in the rebellion except as a useful piece of propaganda, and the entire trilogy is her straining against that role. It’s much more realistic and far more nuanced than anyone who dismisses it as “stereotypical YA dystopian” gives it credit for.

And the misconceptions don’t end there. The Hunger Games has no “stereotypical YA love triangle”–yes, there are two potential love interests, but the romance is so not the point. There’s a war going on! Katniss has more important things to worry about than boys! The romance was never about her choosing between two hot boys–it’s about choosing between two diametrically opposed worldviews. Will she choose anger and war, or compassion and peace? Of course a trilogy filled with the horrors of war ends with her marriage to the peace-loving Peeta. Unlike some of the YA dystopian copycats, the romance here is part of the message, not just something to pacify readers who expect “hot love triangles” in their YA. 

The worldbuilding in the Hunger Games trilogy is simplistic and not realistic, but unlike some of her imitators, Collins does this because she has something to say, not because she’s cobbling together a grim and gritty dystopia that’s “similar to the Hunger Games”. The worldbuilding has an allegorical function, kept simple so we can see beyond it to what Collins is really saying–and it’s nothing so comforting as “we need to fight the evil people who are ruining society”. The Capitol’s not just the powerful, greedy bad guys–the Capitol is us, First World America, living in luxury while we ignore the problems of the rest of the world, and thinking of other nations largely in terms of what resources we can get from them. This simplistic world is a sparsely set stage that lets us explore the larger themes about exploitation and war and the horrors people will commit for the sake of their bread and circuses, meant to make us think deeper about what separates a hero from a villain.

There’s a reason these books became a literary phenomenon. There’s a reason that dozens upon dozens of authors attempted to imitate them. But these imitators can’t capture that same genius, largely because they’re trying to imitate the trappings of another book, and failing to capture the larger and more meaningful message underneath. Make a copy of a copy of a copy, and you’ll wind up with something far removed from the original masterpiece. But we shouldn’t make the mistake of blaming those flaws on the original work.

#the hunger games #interesting take #book opinion #suzanne collins

[bookowldawn]

I’ve never been to France, never seen this building in real life, yet I’m literally crying right now, the tears streaming down my face kind. This is so sad, a beautiful historical monument burning down right before our eyes. We’re losing a part of history 💔

Is it normal to mourn for a building you’ve never visited in a country you’ve never been to?

#notre dame #i'm crying #not book related #this is too sad #rest in peace my lady

[bookowldawn]

This is one of my favourite movies, love it so much. If you haven’t watched it, please do! This movie brings me pure happiness!

Happy One Year Anniversary, “Love, Simon” (Released March 16th 2018)

#Love simon #simon vs the homosapiens agenda #Becky Albertalli #love this movie #so incredibly much #it is so good #always makes me happy

[bookowldawn]

CALL DOWN THE HAWK from the air; 

 Let him be hooded or caged 

 Till the yellow eye has grown mild, 

 For larder and spit are bare, 

 The old cook enraged,         

 The scullion gone wild 

 | coming November 5, 2019 www.maggiestiefvater.com/novels

#call down the hawk #the dreamer trilogy #dreamertrilogy #ronan lynch #the raven cycle #trc #I’m so excited for this book!!! #it has a release date! #the cover is so beautiful!

[bookowldawn]

“It was heavy and dark, and he knew he would get drenched if he stayed outside. It was coming from so far away that he had plenty of time to put the mower away and get under cover. Instead, though, he just stood there and watched it approach. Even at the last minute, as he heard the rain pounding the grass flat, he just stood there. He closed his eyes and let the storm soak him. That was this kiss.“

- The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

#this is so beautiful #amazing #one of my favorite scenes #the raven king #the raven cycle #trc #trk #adam parrish #ronan lynch #pynch #great books #fan art

[bookowldawn]

“It was heavy and dark, and he knew he would get drenched if he stayed outside. It was coming from so far away that he had plenty of time to put the mower away and get under cover. Instead, though, he just stood there and watched it approach. Even at the last minute, as he heard the rain pounding the grass flat, he just stood there. He closed his eyes and let the storm soak him. That was this kiss.“

- The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

#the raven cycle #trc #the raven king #the raven boys #ronan lynch #adam parrish #this scene literally made me cry #out of happiness #and melancholy #one of my favorite scenes #favorite chapter #great books #book recommendations #beautiful art #love this

[bookowldawn]

I finished reading What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera the other night and why haven’t I heard more people talking about this book?! This book made me so happy, I could barely stop smiling while reading it! The characters felt so real, and I just loved them all from the very beginning, and want them all to be my friends. I also really loved the ending, how it was happy and hopeful without necessarily being a happy ever after, I can’t imagine a better ending for this story. This book was just amazing, and I loved it with all of my heart! I’ll definitely read it again one day when I feel for a beautiful story that I know will make me happy. One of my favorite contemporary books, definitely! If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend that you do!

#what if it’s us #becky albertalli #adam silvera #great books #just me rambling on about books #book recommendations #book opinion #books

[bookowldawn]

Okay, so I’m currently reading Puddin’ by Julie Murphy, and suddenly, out of the blue, one character comes out as asexual and I just (!!!) related to her so much??!! Why haven’t I heard about there being asexual representation in this?! It just made my day, and I’m so happy that is was there. You so rarely see asexual representation in books, and I really had no clue there would be some in this one, so I’m just so happy. I’m still in the beginning of this book so I don’t know how much this will be brought up, but I love this book a lot and I just had to share my feelings about this!

#Puddin' #Julie Murphy #Asexuality #Ace #Ace representation #Asexual #Asexual representation #just me rambling on about books

[bookowldawn]

THIS WAS EXACTLY MY REACTION AS WELL!

WHAT

So Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone are coming to Netflix…but in one series? They’re PUTTING THEM TOGETHER??? Like…in a single story?? 

I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS 

#six of crows #grishaverse #leigh bardugo #shadow and bone #netflix #tv series #I’m very excited though #but worried

[bookowldawn]

I’m currently reading What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera. I’m about halfway through and right now it’s just the cutest story! I don’t know if it will go on this way or if something bad will happen (probably, that’s usually how it goes), but right now it’s just so sweet. Just thinking about this book makes me smile! I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#what if it’s us #becky albertalli #adam silvera #great books #love it so far!! #can’t stop smiling

[bookowldawn]

Some of you never got an intense longing for an unattainable friendship from reading The Raven Cycle and it shows.

#the raven cycle #trc #funny #true

[bookowldawn]

My best books of 2018

Happy new year everybody! I hope you all get a wonderful 2019, full of things that will make you happy. I’ve only very recently started posting things on this blog (like two weeks ago...), so I know I don’t exactly have a lot of followers who are dying to know about the books I’ve read this last year, but I still thought it would be fun to list my favourites among the books I read during 2018. In 2018 I read a total of 55 books, which is a lot less than I wished I’d have the time to read, but more than I had hoped for, so I’m still very happy with that number. 16 of these books where rereads, and so I will not count them amongst my favourites of 2018, I will only list books that I read for the first time that year. So, without further ado, here are my top 5 books that I read for the first time during 2018, in the order in which I read them.

1. All the Crooked Saints by Maggie Stiefvater

This was the second book I read during 2018, and I had been looking forward to reading it for a long time. Maggie Stiefvater is one of my absolute favourite authors, with The Raven Cycle being, alongside Harry Potter, my favorite series of all time. I knew that All the Crooked Saints wouldn’t be the Raven Cycle, but I had high hopes that it would be great, and I was not disappointed. Maggie’s writing style was really  distinguishable in this book, and that was really what made it wonderful. I’m usually not one to think about the writing style in a book, but the writing style in this one is so wonderful that you can’t possibly not think about it. A beautifully written, touching story that I absolutely recommend!

2. More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera

This book really took me by surprise. I had heard of it for a long time but didn’t really know what it was about. I thought it would be a happy, feel good book with a gay romance, kind of like Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, and thus I was not at all prepared for the heartwrenching story that is this book. I was not prepared for this story to be sad and touching, and I think that it affected me even more because of that, because I was so unprepared for it to take the turn that it took. I really, really loved this book, and was surprised by it in the best possible way, and I will definitely try to read the rest of Adam Silvera’s books during 2019.

3. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli

This was the third to last book I read this year, meaning that the last three books of my top 5 were the last three I read last year. I certainly finished that reading year strongly. Leah on the Offbeat was a book I had looked forward to reading since it was first anounced. I loved Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, and I loved Leah a lot in that book, so I definitely looked forward to reading a story from her perspective. I finally bought it as a early christmas present to myself and read it in three days, despite having an important test on the last of these three days, because I just couldn’t put it down. It was a really funny book, that just made me feel so happy. It’s really nice to read a book about a plus sized, bisexual girl who takes shit from no one and is just badass in every way. Representation like that is sorely needed. I really loved Leah, I really loved this book and i certainly hope they make it into a movie as well, because Love, Simon was amazing and we need more movies like that.

4. Outrun the Wind by Elizabeth Tammi

This is also a book that I’ve looked forward to reading since it was first anounced. I’ve followed Elizabeth here on tumblr (over at @annabethisterrified) for almost five years, and when I heard that she was releasing a book, I knew I had to read it! I finally got to read it over christmas and I loved it so much! As a major Percy Jackson and mythology fan, this book was right up my alley, and I loved everything about it. Badass girls in love, fighting to avoid arranged marriage and the wrath of olympian gods? Sign me up! I really loved this book and I highly recommend it!

5. Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare

This book... I lack words for this book, I loved it so much. I loved it so much that I stayed up until 4 am to finish it, reading for over 5 hours straight because I just couldn’t put it down. It’s been a long time since I was that obsessed with a book, but Cassandra Clare’s books always seem to have that effect on me. The Dark Artifices was a truly great trilogy, and this book was a worthy ending to it. I think this may have been Cassandra Clare’s best series yet, and I can’t wait to read all the upcoming books in the Shadowhunter universe! This was a great way to end this reading year, and I hope that 2019 will be full of great books like those on this list!

#my best books 2018 #top 5 books 2018 #great books #book recommendations #all the crooked saints #maggie stiefvater #more happy than not #adam silvera #leah on the offbeat #becky albertalli #outrun the wind #elizabeth tammi #queen of air and darkness #qoaad #cassandra clare #the dark artifices #tda #such a good book year #highly recommend these books #want to read them again

[bookowldawn]

Last night I stayed up until 4 am finishing Queen of Air and Darkness, because I just couldn’t tear myself away from that book. I sat in that chair and read for over five hours straight, without even stopping to check the time. I just had to finish that book, no matter how late it got. And just... I have no words. I love that book and that series so much, I don’t even know how to express it. It broke my heart in so many ways, both good and bad. I waited so long for this book, and I was not disappointed. I don’t know how I’ll survive the three years, or however long it will be, until TWP comes out, but we will get TLH in the meantime (and TEC!!!) and I’m sure I’ll love these books just as much. Qoaad is now the second book ever to have made me cry out of happiness, and while I’m a little bit sad to no longer be able to say that the Raven King is the only book that has done that, it was always true that if anything would make my cry out of happiness, it was going to be Malec. Meanwhile my heart is crying over Kitty, but that’s why we’ll have TWP, right? Overall this was just a wonderful book, and a great ending to a great trilogy. Cassandra Clare has done it again, and I couldn’t be happier!

#qoaad #queen of air and darkness #cassandra clare #tda #the dark artifices #book recommendations #great books #book opinion #just me rambling on about books #i loved it so much!!! #malec #kitty #jemma #kiarktina #twp #the wicked powers #favorite books #favorite book series

[bookowldawn]

war is hard. it’s even harder for demigods. it’s hard when the whole world is on the brink of destruction and the fate of humanity is in the hands of teenagers. but even after the victory, there is still fear, fear that will never go away because war always leaves scars.

percy is afraid of losing control. after nearly drowning akhyls in tartarus, and seeing annabeth truly fear him, he’s scared. the gods have told him time and time again that he is a danger, that he can be the reason the world falls. he was such a risk even as a kid that the gods put his life to a vote. he knows that he has proven everyone wrong by saving the world time and time again, but he still is scared. the older he gets, the more he has to lose, which means he has so much more to lose control over. his hands shake and he has nightmares where he loses control and kills people. when he dreams that he accidentally kills annabeth, he can’t sleep for two days straight. he’s scared to be around his family, to be at camp, to hold his baby sister, to be alone with annabeth. he’s scared of himself. he tries to keep his emotions under control because if he were ever to explode, things would go to hell.

annabeth is afraid of being alone. it happened when she was merely seven years old— she felt unloved by her own family, so she ran away. she thought she got it right when she made a new family, but it was ripped apart when thalia died and again when luke betrayed her. she’s alone when she’s fourteen and she’s trapped under the sky, tricked by the person she used to call her family. it happens again when percy disappears. one day he was there, the next he was gone. when she finds him, she vows to herself that he was never leaving her. never again. and in tartarus, with the curse from polyphemus that leaves her blind, thinking that percy had left again, she is awoken to find her boyfriend on the brink of death. even though they make it through hell and they survive the war, annabeth still wakes up sometimes with a feeling in her chest that she is completely and utterly alone.

jason is afraid of dying. sure, most people are, but he keeps having encounters that are too close for comfort. he died once when he saw juno in her divine form; charon asked him for a coin and then he was back in piper’s arms. then he’s drowning, and he hears piper whisper i love you as he’s inhaling water, and he thinks he’s going to die again, but suddenly piper is hugging him and percy is crouched beside them. and then michael varus stabs him, and he’s yanked back and forth between life and death, greek and roman. it takes him so long to recover from that. leo dies right before his eyes, and for a while he’s not sure which is worse— someone else dying for him or dying himself. even the news that leo is alive doesn’t help the tremors and the nightmares. he gets the news that either he or piper will die, and then when caligula stabs him and he’s back in front of charon, who’s asking him for a coin, jason realizes that death is a whole lot scarier than he could ever anticipate because he wasn’t ready to die.

piper is afraid of falling. physically and figuratively. she almost fell to her death at the grand canyon, and she had spent her time falling thinking about how much she messed up her life. she only gets a shot at redemption when jason saves her. and then as the months go on, she’s afraid to fall in love. how could she trust her relationship when it was fabricated by the mist? she takes a chance, lets herself fall, and she tries. she really tries. it’s so much easier to fight a war when there’s someone to support you, to validate you. but when she’s falling out of the sky and she’s screaming leo’s name and everything explodes in golden light and she wakes up to find out that her best friend is gone, she realizes that she needs to stay on solid ground. she can hardly board the plane back to california because she is so afraid she is going to fall. leo’s disappearance makes her question everything, and she realizes that she doesn’t know herself. she breaks up with jason, and for the first time in a long time, she feels like her life is becoming stable again. but when she sees jason’s dead body and this time there is no bringing him back, she’s falling all over again— falling apart.

leo is afraid of missing out. he felt like he was missing out on the whole romance thing for months; first his best friends start dating, which is cool, because they love each other, but then he’s on his way to europe surrounded by happy couples and feels ridiculously alone. he tries to tell himself that he doesn’t need anyone to make him feel whole, but the universe and the gods and everyone else seem to tell him that without a significant other, he’s worthless. and then when he died, he is focused only on ogygia and calypso. he didn’t realize it at the time, that’s when he starts missing out. when he returns, the world is in danger again. he’s too busy trying to help apollo get his god status back and be a good boyfriend to see his best friends, and he doesn’t even know they broke up until piper’s collapsing in his arms, sobbing about how jason’s gone. leo didn’t even get to say goodbye to one of his best friends. he missed out on his last opportunity to see jason and he didn’t even realize it. he begins to overthink how he prioritized things, and he’s haunted by the fact that he was so desperate to find love that he missed out on months of his life.

hazel is afraid of manipulation. before she died, her mother manipulated her into creating a body for a giant, and because it was her mother, she couldn’t say no. this was her family. everyone else hated her, and she was called a witch, so she couldn’t let her mom down. she gave life to a giant, and although she managed to stop him from rising to keep gaea asleep for another seventy years, she lost her life in the process. when hecate introduces her to her ability to control the mist, she doesn’t even realize it’s manipulation until after she arrives back at camp jupiter. she can make people see things that weren’t there just for her own benefit. she can make people do what she wanted them to just because she has the ability to. she’s reminded of the boat and holding onto her mother as she was crushed to death and she vows to never manipulate people the way her mother manipulated her.

frank is afraid of never growing up. from the time he was a baby, juno foreshadowed that he was too powerful to live a long life. while demigods were constantly dying at young ages, he thinks that he could be the exception. he saw people raising their children in new rome, and he had hope for the future. his stick could burn up at any moment, but he thought if he could survive the war, he could handle anything. even while freeing thanatos, he knows he’s going to live to make it back to new rome. leo definitely made him lose hope, but he’s presented with the fireproof material and gods, he could actually survive this thing. but then leo dies and octavian is dead too and frank realizes that even with his fireproof material, he is never truly safe. all he wants is to grow up and retire from the legion and go to college and have children and die peacefully, but now he has nightmares of watching his stick burn up in his own hands, and he’s terrified.

nico is afraid of the darkness. it used to be his friend—  it welcomed him when bianca died, and it kept him hidden from percy. the darkness hid his shame, hid the self-hatred. if he could melt into the shadows, nobody would know that he loved the person he should have hated. after the titan war, he’s trying to rebuild his life but it’s hard. he may have the support of his father but he still feels like an outsider. he discovers hazel and he grows to love her, but the darkness still makes him feel more safe than any camp can. but then he’s in tartarus and he’s being told that he’s perfect because he’s suffered so much, and all of the pain is thrown back in his face. he’s still recovering from hell when the athena parthenos becomes his responsibility, and he can feel his literal soul being stripped away from his body, and he can feel the very thing that he trusted so much tearing him apart. he’s about to fade away and he’s yanked back to life, and even when they arrive back at camp he’s told that he’s still on brink of being claimed by the darkness. his boyfriend may be the very opposite of the dark, but he still dreams of entering the shadows and never coming back.

reyna is scared of losing her home. it happened in puerto rico, when she accidentally vaporized her father’s mania. although it had been an abusive household, it was the only thing she ever knew. and then she found a safe haven with hylla at circe’s spa. she lived there, free from war and from abuse until blackbeard was released. her second home was destroyed, and she had to fight to escape. her sister, her only family, went her own way, leaving reyna to find refuge at camp jupiter. she makes friends and the legion becomes her family, and she’s praetor and life is great until jason disappears. new rome is on the brink of destruction constantly, and reyna finds herself unable to stop the threats. she has worked so hard to create a family for herself, and after nearly losing everything, she finds that she has two homes—  camp jupiter and camp half-blood. yet she notices how she’s still extra weary, making sure there are extra guards and that no one loses their edge, because if reyna loses this home, she’ll have nothing left.

#ouch my heart #this hurt #but i love it #this is sad but true #heroes of olympus #the seven #HoO #7 #percy jackson #annabeth chase #jason grace #piper mclean #leo valdez #hazel levasque #frank zhang #nico di angelo #reyna avila ramírez arellano #pjoverse