aliciaestheticc

[aliciaestheticc]

I really prefer to be alone though. I process my thoughts alone. I figure all my shits alone.

my toxic trait is isolating myself in order to feel better when all i really need is a hug and someone that tells me it’s gon be alright

[aliciaestheticc]

♡

“I’m not open with many people. I’m usually very quiet and I don’t really like attention. So if I like you enough to show you the real me, you must be very special.”

— Unknown

[aliciaestheticc]

:))

reality is fake but daydreaming about you and me is real

[aliciaestheticc]

you will never be too much for someone who can’t get enough of you

[aliciaestheticc]

With you sitting by my side, my head on your shoulder, and the stars sparkling above us. Let us admire the beautiful moon, providing us moonlight in a cold dark night. Pour out to me all your heartaches, memories, and jokes, I will listen wholeheartedly while brushing my fingers on your skin and gazing at your beautiful perfectly sculpted face, blushing whenever that boyish smile of yours appears.

12:54 AM. May 22, 2021.

#moon #sweet #love #thoughts #midnight #random #happy

[aliciaestheticc]

goodbye to the old me who was very uhaw sa pag-ibig... Eww tangina yuck every seconds hinihintay reply nya, papansin dito, papansin dyan, install ML at COD just to spend time with him... God, I was do desperate.. FUCKING EWWW

#mobile legends #gamer #feelings #sad #free #broken #love #tagalog

[aliciaestheticc]

I don't even understand myself

“I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me.”

— Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

#quote #english #original #words #writing #thoughts

[aliciaestheticc]

So... I'm reading my old posts...

Old me is so sad... Depressed... And very heartbroken ≧ω≦

The current me.. Is still depressed... Questioning my existence... Not into relationships atm... Not caring to anything... And has been reading A LOT ≧ω≦

I like it ฅ'ω'ฅ

#tagalog #quotes #life quotes #SoundCloud

[aliciaestheticc]

A,

ang pinakamasakit at mahirap para sakin, is yung iniwan mo ako ng na hindi man lang nag paalam o yung hindi bumigay ng rason kung bakit. Like, I can't stop thinking what i did wrong. Did I do something wrong? Or...was I the wrong person for you?

#mine #love #writers #internet friends #poem #diary #journal #poetry #life quotes #thoughts #tagalog #quotes

[aliciaestheticc]

lol, this was our song...

[aliciaestheticc]

I want to see what it holds...like, will I be really happy?? like totoong masaya na ba talaga ako, yung hindi temporary...may tao na bang kayang mag stay sa totoong ako..magiging successful writer na ba ako?

Depression is kinda like you don’t want to see your tomorrow but you want to see your future

#pain #alone #sad #suicide #depressed #depression #sadness #sad quotes #lost #numb #depressed thoughts #sad thoughts

[aliciaestheticc]

I wish dying when I was 8...I was an honor student back then, I was so happy i got third place but my mom wasn't...she said I should be number 1...and that's where depression entered my life, she never appreciate my efforts till now..I'll always be a failure.

“I knew what depression was. I’ve known what it was since I was at least sixteen. That was the first year in which I unequivocally wished for death: not in a melodramatic emo-kid way, but in a lumpen, constant-state-of-passive- suicidal-ideation way. I did not act out. I didn’t drink, do drugs, sleep around, or even date. I abhorred physical contact and wondered if I might be asexual; that’s how disinterested and disgusted I felt at the thought of anyone embracing me, kissing me, taking my clothes off. I was an underweight overachiever with no school spirit. “You’re so laid-back,” my friends would say. I wasn’t; I just had zero affect.”

— Suzanne Rivecca, Ugly Bitter and True

#diary #journal #writing

[aliciaestheticc]

My Instagram

[aliciaestheticc]

He's different. He's mysterious. I never expected to fall for that guy. And I was stupid for watching him walk away from my life.

Well.. This is how the shitty story starts..

I was a grandmaster 2 or probably 1 around March. And that time I was so desperate to reach the epic tier, para maka level ko tropa ko. So around 2 AM, I was still up using facebook and pretty much in a good mood for I have won a battle in rank. Then sa grupo ng ML may nakita akong post na, "Sa mga gising pa diyan. Tara laro rank, GM and Epic only" nag comment agad ako na "Uyy pasali, tank, mage, mm and fighter user po ako" and I have left that post expecting for his reply and in a few seconds, he finally replied.

But it was not him... It was a random...boy..relply nya "Tara laro" I debated whether I should reply or not. He mentioned me. "Alicia ID mo" so i decided to reply and tell him my ML ID..then after seconds he sent me a friend request.. And I now that there's no way in hell I would accept a stranger but his profile picture mesmerized me...it's not his face but...it was just a picture of a cartoon boy masked with a brown paper bag and on top of it may naka lagay unloved and ugly. So I accepted his friend request. He told me that we should play together in rank and we did..for some reason magaan loob ko sa kanya...bc I assumed he has depression.

So we played...and thank god na pa epic comeback ko..kasi master palang pala siya, sumasakit ulo ko sa hero nya na si Eudora at ako pa ang nag tank. one game lang yun and pag katapos nun, he msg me na "hahha malapit na yun ah" i reply "Yeah, buti na epic comeback, tangina iiyak talaga ako pag natalo yun" and then he laughed. I logged out not saying a goodbye.

So yeah, as the days passed by...he keeps inviting me to play rank but I keep declining lying na ka party ko friends ko. I admit he's pretty much of a noob. But there were times na nag laro kami.. Classic nga lang..I was annoyed by him dahil kung saan ako dun din siya..I told him to fuck off..and he did..

days passed by again... I was on facebook..always bored and walang ka chat... Tho the memes were hilarious but...still boring..till one time a chat head popped up and it was him.

It was a dog waving at me.. And I love dogs.

We had a conversation talking about ML and music.

I was only talking to him bc I was super bored.

Till the day he asked me na kung ano type ko sa lalaki...i got a bit uncomfortable...

Pero nag reply naman ako.

Sabi ko, "Fanboy, ML gamer at magaling sa math"

Then I asked, "Ikaw?"

Then out of the blue, he fucking described my trait.

"Fan ni Ed Sheeran, masipag mag aral, magaling mag English"

I freaked out.

He asked me my relationship status.

I answered.

Then out of the blue... He said na what if siya ang mang ligaw sakin.. Sasagutin ko daw ba..

I changed the topic.

Nag usap kami ulit sa ml...pero ang Putangina nya binalik sa topic nang ligawan. I asked him his age bc i was curious, pag reply nya.. I was shock.

So I said no. I would not. I explained why and told him my reasons.

But he keep insisting me na pwede kami and he also says na mag hihintay daw siya sakin.

And I appreciated it.

We keep talking and chatting.

Had a good laugh and shared some memories.

Medyo stubborn siya, kasi dati mahilig ako mag puyat... Or more like di ako makatulog... We would chat till 7 AM... Talking about random stuff... I always insist him to sleep but he keeps declining na di daw siya matutulog pag di ako matutulog.. Gago no?

And days passed by

he stopped...and suddenly I can't stop thinking about him. Nahihiya ako mag msg sa kanya.. I'm afraid that he'll ignore me.. Kasi dati pag log in ko tas online sya agad sya mag pm sakin pero those days hindi na.. It's like he's ignoring me...

And I started to miss him. I reread our convo at dun ko lang na realize na ang sweet nya and even if I said some hurtful words he was still there talking to me..

And boom na fall sa 15 years old..

Months passed by... Magaling na sya mag ml.. Mythic na siya.. He's not sending mw invitations anymore and he stops checking my acc. But still follows me. To the point na may napansin ako na may kasabay sya na babae pag mag laro.

I was hurt.. He said na maghihintay sya..but look at him now...playing with someone and slaying.. I deeply regretted it...and I was hurt.. Very hurt...

#writers #diary #writing #thoughts #mobile legends #quotes