#you were always kind to everyone

[unpretty]

society is spiraling and culture is a wasteland. i know this because i looked and most people prefer things that are fun and easy, making fun and easy things extremely popular. this is the first time that's ever happened, historically.

#original #why is every post about books and movies and music and food like this #also the posts are always about tiktok like it's a mystery why the most popular app's most popular posts are about popular interests #please learn to accept when you are simply out of step with popular culture which i know you are because you are on tumblr #i know everyone hated hipsters and their interests being more obscure than yours but at least they recognized that they were the outliers #'hipsters suck because they think their taste is sooo much better than everyone else smh' #'my tastes are extremely normal which is why i can say definitively that popular things must be popular due to a conspiracy of some kind'

[souperluminal]

Hello!! I'm a huge fan of your art and I thought I would ask about your colorwork, because it's genuinely super impressive to me how all your pieces have amazing palettes and they add so so so much to the general atmosphere. Do you have any process to pick colors for pieces? Like using picture references, gradient maps, etc or do you genuinely just eyeball them? I'm super curious :]

But yea I really love what you do and love seeing every new piece!! Have a nice day! Ty for reading <3

Thanks! I very much use references, though I don't use the color picker on them, gotta train the eye. I have an ever-expanding reference folder of photos and paintings with colors that I like so that when I start a new painting and I have an idea of the color scheme I want in mind, I'll already have some reference on hand. Good reference really makes a world of difference!

I also like to bias colors a little bit away from their standard versions:

The more blue green and the more yellow green are both more interesting to me than the "just green" green. Nothing wrong with that average green though, sometimes that's exactly what you need. It's always situational.

Lastly, a fantastic color tip for digital art specifically that I got from Mike Hernandez: Use the RGB sliders instead of the HSB color selection!

By default, Photoshop gives you the HSB (Hue, Saturation, Brightness) color picking setup which looks like this:

It's perfectly functional and has its uses, but it doesn't really feel like mixing color. On the other hand, if you use the RGB sliders:

Now you can add a little more blue if you think that's what the color needs, or you can take away red, add some green, etc. It gets you actually mixing color and thinking more about how the colors relate to each other. It can take some getting used to if you've only used the HSB setup before, but it's worth it!

#and thank you for your patience! #I know this and other questions have been sitting in my inbox for a while #these past months have been the type where there was always something (or several somethings) just a little more urgent on the to-do list #and once again thank you so so much to everyone who has sent in kind messages about my work!! #it would flood this blog if I were to respond to every one but know that I do immensely appreciate every one #they absolutely make my day

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some fantasy traveler inventory details (like what they would carry in their bags), based on two of the recent costumes I did.. love finding random little scraps and items and putting them together lol

#it's obvious who's is who's since they match their outfits HOWEVER.. consider if they were switched lol #evil villain looking man carrying around pressed flowers in a cutesy lacy pouch #fantasy costume #what's in my bag #actualyl that would have been funny to make a video. I should make a video #I'm sure someone else has already done this #but like.. lifestyle vlogger type content however I'm dressed in fully costume as some weird elf or something #pulling things out of my bag and showing them to the camera and talking about how they're useful for whatever #but it's all fantasy scenarios and talking like it's very common #'and of course. i know it's a bit cliche #EVERY traveler has one of these. but you know. theyre just useful! thats why everyone has one!' *pulls out a completely unrecognizable item #thats like some weird fantasy world prop and doesn't even explain it because In-world it's normal and wouldnt need to be talked about* #'room tour' video and it's just like 'yeah I sleep on this mat under a bunch of trees uh.. over here by these rocks. at least right now. I #kind of wander around a bit. so' #Like a clothing haul but it's a potions shop haul or something and they ramble about some obscure drama in the potions community and how the #y hard to barter and steal and entire flock of sheep or something just to get one of them. etc. etc. #I could do ones for different characters too like. multiple people from different walks of life showing what they carry around with them. #just like this but more interview sort of vlog format instead of photos #This is where not having much money and not having my own house with land becomes an issue though #I think it would take you out of the illusion if the background was always the same. I can make small sets because there's one blank wall in #a room that it's easy to move all the stuff away from in front of and clear a spot and like hang up fabrics or whatever but still.. hmms #So one of those 'fun idea but dubious about handling the execution' things. also One Of Those Things where without looking it up you're 100% #sure it's already been done and you don't want to look weird since it's vaguely niche. Like if 100 people have done something it's fine but #if only like 3 other people have then you look weird maybe ghhjbj.. or only one other person gods forbid. looks even weirder potentially #Or do people not care about ''copying'' anymore?? idk. I'm not updated with the internet's changing culture. I just have a fear of accidenta #lly doing something like that and then people getting mad even though it's really just that I competely had no idea it had been done because #again.. I live under a rock and am unaware of everything lol. ANYWAY. also would require my face being on video which I don't like. Though I #would be in costume so that helps. I think to be fully comfortable I'd need light modifications to make my face look different. which isn't #hard but is more effort when it has to be translatable in multiple angles. ANYWAY. ghjbhj... Now I think it would be funny actually. maybe #one day. I haven't made any videos (aside from on the gameplay/sims channel) in a long long time actually. hmm'st

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

BFTC isn’t really a case of terrible characterization for Jason so much as it was a terrible case of victim blaming. Like yeah, some of the things Jason did were a bit extreme compared to his “better” appearances, but that’s nothing new and pretty much true of many stories that aren’t utrh or lost days. The bad parts are are also definitely exaggerated by fans.

The story isn’t centered on Jason. Of course every other character’s description of Jason would be knee-jerk dismissive and misunderstanding, since (again) the intention was to make Jason out to be the cartoony bad guy villain. But if you look past the layers of grime they added, the bare bones of his characterization are not entirely incorrect. It’s a biased story in which their intended criticisms of Jason’s morals often fell short, so to compensate they deliberately cranked up his motivations to be more extreme and unrealistic (but one which, nonetheless got Jason’s overall thoughts and goals relatively consistent with stories that portrayed him accurately).

Yes, him shooting Damian was out of character, but granted we’re all in agreement that it was a true case of “bad writing decision”, I don’t think it’s hard to look past. The only other bit people probably complain about (which felt iffy at worst) was him being “a bit enthusiastic” at times in trying to convince Dick to become another lethal Batman (you can just as easily say Jason wouldn’t have been personally invested enough to have acted in the way he did). I don’t care though because he was probably doing it for shits and giggles, and it was funny watching him push their buttons on his spare time while being excellent at his job. Same old ‘none of them deny that he’s effective, they just can’t get behind the killing’ conflict.

Looking past the fact that Jason still had a valid point, the “he’s the bad guy” plot falls apart for other obvious reasons, which happen in the 3rd issue. It’s kind of hard to focus on how much of a bitch Jason’s being when the other characters are written in an infinitely more problematic way (which ends up happening in most “hate Jason” stories). Not only did they heavily imply Jason is a victim of SA, but the way Dick/the batfamily treats Jason about this is … horrible. Arguing that this was a case of character assassination for Bruce and Dick would be more realistic than using this story to claim Jason is a Bad Person™.

Even though Bruce does have a bad track record with his perspective on victims of SA.

Hey. Maybe listen to the living person begging you to turn it off.

Geez. I wonder why he never felt safe enough to confide in Bruce or any of the rest of them. Implying that enduring what he did made him “broken beyond repair”, that he needs to be “fixed”, and saying verbatim, “you are my greatest failure”, not “I failed you greatly”. Then deciding on behalf of Jason that a bunch of people who weren’t involved in what happened to him should all know about this so they can decide what should be done. And everyone agrees with this garbage. Unbelievable.

Aka, any sort of healing he may have tried to accomplish was ruined by you lot. When exactly am I supposed to see that Jason was evil all along.

The story collapses in on itself in the third issue because where Dick is supposed to be at his prime within the arc, he just sort of rambles about how Jason was a shitty victim and then awkwardly shifts to talking about personal growth and coming to accept his own heroic destiny.

I do resent this, but not because “Jason sucks here”. Jason’s “bad portrayal” pales in comparison to the problematic mindsets given to the other characters (namely Dick) which were framed as good-natured intentions and “tough love”. As for people who describe this as “vilifying Jason to prop up Dick” … I don’t really know what to make of that.

#my post #the way they constantly go out of their way to praise Jason’s marksmanship and overall combat skills #and how everyone he killed died because he meant for them to #and Tim and Damian weren’t critically injured. he didn’t attack them with the intention to kill and it’s obvious #not only that it’s made clear they were both wearing heavy duty kevlar #and considering Jason’s an expert on this stuff himself he knew it wouldn’t really do long term damage. #he also knows how to attack people to do any specific kind of damage. if you claim that about Bruce smashing a dude’s skull #against a brick wall and not killing him then you can claim the same thing for Jason #but of course people will always dwell on inconsequential bullshit and try to make a grand point out of it if it’s about Jason #even as they point out that it was a dumb decision made by the writers #‘Jason was violent towards children' do you want me to never shut up again about who is consistently violent with his own children? #not only was this pretty tame compared to the things Bruce has done to Jason and the other batkids #in the majority of his appearances Jason has always been deeply sympathetic and caring towards kids #hence why people always point out how this is a shitty outlier

[alsojnpie]

hey. um. i love him

#O_O i really love him #it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer #by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die #sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day #kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do #using another website just sounds so depressing #im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it #but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation #i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it #and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience #I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it #i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of #the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked #and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that. #there's several reasons #but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know #in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time #idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what #no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself #and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one

[sailforvalinor]

Idk if this is controversial, but studying for a English/writing degree at university shouldn’t make you NOT want to engage with writing or literature. Just a thought.

#the amount of times one of my literature professors presented us with the worst reading or interpretation (some of which were just plain #revolting) of a piece of literature almost as if she were expecting us to like it just because it was sensational and me and everyone else #going ‘um. no. sorry. not only does that make no sense but now I kind of want to throw up’ #I just came here to read some gothic lit and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now. (my fault for signing up for gothic lit I suppose) #her English survey class made me never want to look at the written word again #however I know this isn’t me having an issue with survey classes (although the rate they make you read at is kind of ridiculous and I read #fast: case in point for one of them I had to read Huck Finn in 9 days) #because I took American Survey from another professor and it was really challenging but probably the best course I ever took at university #I was not expecting to develop such a distaste for the academic world at uni but maybe that’s just my university (whenever I complain about #this my mom always tells me I need to watch Dead Poet’s Society lol) #siggggghhh anyway. hoping for some better classes with my exchange program (although none of them are writing/English as I’m almost #finished with my degree) #english lit #university #english #college

[flamboyant-king]

Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.

I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.

I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.

So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?

#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks #i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me #but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world #tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of #but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets #this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me #i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items #i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em #its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there #the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students #mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression #in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me #no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings #if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask #but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself #and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding. #words #mr octopus #mental health #doodles

[halfricanloveyou]

ok ok ok like i thought “the chosen” would suck cause “blah another series about the life and times of jesus” like we GET it it’s been around for CENTURIES you guys make the same damn movie all the time

but it’s actually legit really good? lots of pretty good representation! not everyone in the movie is white. actual portrayals of jewish culture instead of just ignoring that part. disabled people. matthew being autistic. characters that aren’t just two dimensional. the people in it feel like real people. there’s actual jokes, jesus cracks a few and they’re really funny?? so far nothing hateful, no gay or transgender bashing. it calls out the church for being judgemental and hateful in a way that’s very tasteful

it’s not perfect tho. jesus is…still white for some reason? despite mary not being white? and no one else around him being white? no gay people in it which is kind of a bad and a good thing…but it’s a portrayal of jesus and the people around him as human. as real life people who felt things and made jokes and rolled their eyes and stuff. also the guy they cast as jesus is pretty hot as are all the disciples. which isn’t the point or whatever but i can’t say i’m complaining. it’s free online and i think it’s worth a watch!

#it’s an adaptation of jesus that is more realistic #ofc he’s perfect and doesn’t sin but the point was that he was loving and kind and considerate and people all wanted to be around him #he doesn’t hesitate to walk straight into the dangerous or sketchy areas #he genuinely connects with and loves everyone he meets #they take liberties ofc but none of them are bad and add to the series as a whole #also as always i’m still gay and transgender as ever so no trad catholics or whatever touch this pls #but as a christian it makes my heart feel warm #it’s taken so so long to get an adaptation of any kind that depicts jesus as the kind of man who genuinely loves the people around him #not as some deity but as a human being loves other human beings #he is very human in this. it’s something christian’s don’t like to talk about #but if he went around talking like they do to other people #he wouldn’t have been able to last 10 seconds in the areas he was at #he wouldn’t have been welcomed there #it feels more faithful to the actual bible then they ever make him sound in any church service i’ve ever been in #the chosen #seriously check it out! it’s a genuinely good watch #especially if you have an interest in religion in general #i thought i’d hate it but i love it #pls know i’m being genuine abt this #and also the dudes they cast actually could pass as the age the actual apostles and actual jesus were #instead of being like 40-50 lmao #and them being hot is like just an added bonus sorry i have eyes

[gammija]

post adressed to like 5 people but ive been reading the martin blackwood tag cause i miss my man, and theres a few posts bemoaning martins UWU-ification in some fanon. Which, fair enough, but i do think the pendulum can swing too far back to 'the guy has no morals and will kill without hesitation' - for the biggest part of the show, while he mightve not always been nice, he did want everyone to get along. by the time he starts advocating for murdering 'monsters' he has literally been through several hells

#martin #joos yaps #tma #tma s5 #hes a complicated guy so it's not that hes too pure; too good #or that he only wants to kill Actually Evil people and is always right in his assessment of them; #but by and large. he is kind. even if that can mean going through the motions of caring while not feeling it deep down #or if he's catty to people getting close to 'his' archivist 💜 #but fundamentally he wants everyone to be fine. he wants to save jon #and #you know what? If we were all happy that wouldn’t actually be the end of the world.

[mxwhore]

learned a very valuable lesson today

#for each DICKHEAD you encounter there will always be a kind person waiting for you :) #i was flabbergasted that everyone had decided to be an asshole towards me. a stranger #first scenario: i was in the train watching my phone and this older guy comes up to me and starts going off on a 'kids these days!!' rant #he basically told me that i was BEGGING to get my ass beaten and my phone stolen and he wouldnt come console me when i cried abt it #me being used to this treatment from my grandma i just went ok. and put my phone away #and obviously that pissed the guy even more so he continued to rant until it was his stop #i wasnt too pissed because i was going to HAVE A BURGER!! but still. what?? #so i went to get that burger and wait for my mom so we can go to the farm #and the burger guy was extra niceys to me :) we joked around and stuff #AND THEN. scenario number two #i had my delicious burger and i was looking for a table when i saw two ladies sitting with and empty table next to them #and so i went! i was just about to sit down when a random lady SNATCHES the chair i was about to use #i was like WTF??? #the two old ladies saw this and instantly went like wtf are you ok??? and starting having a go at the random woman #she ofc in good karen fashion didnt care. so the ladies let me have one of the chairs so i could sit next to them #the woman decided to sit right in front of us and so we started shit talking her between us. it was very fun tbh #i was genuinely bummed at these interactions till i realized that there were lots of strangers that were niceys to me #and have me extra ketchup #anyway!! im off to see my dog now #love u

[girls-and-honey]

.

#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages #me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my #pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones #idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when #everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that #and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for #this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100% #myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too #and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for #networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and #then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first? #which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else #anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me #i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so) #oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like #alright that's it for now i think #gah emotions and whatnot #missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon #personal

[cryptic-queer-cryptid]

look. not to get sappy on main but like.

call it cringe call it silly call it whatever you want but do you know what it felt like to be a depressed teenager and hear the doctor say “do you know, in 900 years of time and space, i’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before”?

cause let me tell you, hearing that… there are whole years of my life that i barely remember because of my depression. chunks of my time on earth that i’ll probably never get back. but i do remember watching that damn special because it meant something to me, even in that fog.

#emotional about dr who tonight #dr who #doctor who #prof rambles #my life #mental health #no but see the dw marketing team knows their audience. the writers know their audience the actors know their audience #this shows been going on for a damn long time and there is a consistent trend of like. people ages 9-25 who are extremely depressed #not that there aren’t other fans obviously but that is a Large demographic and it always has been to some extent #i have friends parents who were into dr who in the 60s and 70s and that was a big demographic even then #and anyway my point is: they put that line in there for the fans because they knew it would mean something to hear the doctor say that #and that just like drives me crazy like the. i guess the inherent kindness of having a beloved character say something that’s in character!! #but like also very much vague enough to apply to the audience #it’s like having kirk say ‘hang on tight and survive. everybody does’. and that always sustained me as a depressed child #because i watched star trek tos religiously and still do #anyway #shoutout to showrunners and writers and marketing people and actors and everyone who makes a show #for seeing their fanbase of young mentally ill people and saying here #have this character that is amazing and that you love say this really motivational and loving thing #idk it’s nice #and just a good line in general #yeah #that’s all #byeeeee living up to my prof RAMBLES tag

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I just wanna say that. there’s something incredibly morbid and gross about the fact that bones took away literally the only thing Sigma had to his name before the casino: his past. And not only his past itself, but his right to narrate his own past. Instead, the TWO lines they do keep about it (about him naming himself Sigma, and finally finding his one place to call home, the casino).... are given to Fyodor to say. Fyodor, his most recent manipulator in a long, long line of manipulators.

And not even just his past, but by extension so many of his strong, strong emotions about himself and what he’s been through and how they’ve made him into the person he is now: his fear, his sorrow, his desperation, his determination, his righteous indignation. His pain. The majority of that is all gone from the anime.

Sigma barely has a story of his own; his past, his suffering, and his emotions are the only things he has claim to, that make him who he is. And bones took even those away from him. Flattening him into an empty piece of paper, ironically, just like he was born from and as.

#bungou stray dogs #sigma #if you can't tell i'm mad lol #just like everyone else is #and will continue to be mad for a long long time #also in this same category: bones dehumanizing dazai by always cutting the moments where he shows true human emotion/vulnerability #because he always has to look ~cool~ and like an untouchable god #when that is literally antithesis to his entire character arc and dazai himself struggles to see himself as human #(only just now finally starting to accept that in chapter 105.5) #but i'm getting off-topic point is it's really gross and what they did to Sigma is in the same vein #the mangas and light novels are so kind and humane and empathetic........ and the anime is just nah what if we skipped all that lol #just focus on the cool flashy shit!!!!! ain't got time for all these ~feelings~ and deep complex philosophical concepts!!! #sometimes it feels like they get it (mushi's episodes and yosano's were a fluke istg) but most of the time they Don't #anyway i was writing that sigma fic anyway but it's especially fitting in light of how the anime treated him :)))) #he deserves to be Mad. Enraged even.

[beansprean]

sometimes you get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult which finally makes your mom actually listen to what ADHD actually is and that she didn't cure it by making me do 100 jumping jacks as a kid when I got too hyper and then she realizes that she may have it too

And then you both realize that like 70% of the family probably also has adhd and that's why we are all Like That

#adhd #not art #like???? my moms side of the family were always weird to everyone but us #so informal and go with the flow and peppy but cycle through hobbies like toilet paper #never any drama bc we forget that we got mad and just get over it and were generally nice to people #we never learned to set boundaries with other people bc we all had invisible understood nd boundaries #and just didnt ask each other weird questions #like turns out we r just a super nd family???? but it makes sense??? #my 2 cousins were diagnosed as kids but they were the only ones that was when adhd was starting to be understood as a childhood disability #but you only got diagnosed if u were getting bad grades etc so me and my sister got overlooked and everyone else was too old #but DEF my granny has combined like me and my mom has hyperactive type and probably my uncle as well #and my great aunt bipolar i wouldnt be surprised if she had comorbidities her daughter idk tho #great grandparents hard to say but i wouldn't be surprised and time will tell with cousins kids #would not be surprised to see some autism in there im sure my sis on the spectrum and i may be too but with adhd its hard to differentiate #anyway this is a v personal post but its kinda crazy to look back and be like huh #thats why the fam dynamic is so different from everyone elses #we dont talk to each other for years but relationships dont deteriorate in our heads so nbd #now my dads side....my dad does have a lot of adhd symptoms as well as his dad #plus Alzheimers runs thru there which has a slight predilection for adhd anyway #why would a bunch of intelligent chatty anxious and kind people choose to live in the middle of nowhere and have silly hobbies #why neurodivergency my friend #ANYWAY the culture shock of moving away from that as a child and my parents remarrying neurotypicals who didnt understand the dynamics #dunno if it was the southern thing or the nt thing but turns out the normal way i always interacted with my parents #was seen by others as deeply disrepectful mean teenager nonsense that should be culled #shout out to the nd kids with nd parents who just spoke to each other like adults and played with each other like kids #this is TOO MANY TAGS thats how u know the vyvanse kicked in #personal

[anotherpapercut]

CORRECT THANK YOU FOR SHARING

#submission #I actually have seen this meme because someone sent it to my supervisor at some point and she showed it to all of us ajdbkajs #working with a bunch of gay autistic math nerds fucking rules lmfao y'all have no idea #one of my bosses is super into sci fi and is also a math teacher and puts star trek and firefly and buffy and hitchhikers guide etc etc #references in EVERYTHING he makes. I took a math class from him once and all of the test questions were about some fuckin show #whenever he runs meetings he asks us questions based on star trek usually. recently in a meeting he asked us to choose the best captain #I'm one of only like 3 people who watches all of this shit so I looove going to meetings when he runs them #bc he'll ask some fuckin question like who's the best star trek captain. and the 3 of us who knows what's going on will just start arguing #while everyone else looks around like what the fuck is going on right now (this one always gets the newbies) #my ALL TIME favorite Jake moment tho was when I was there one night and there were no students so we were all just hanging out #and Jake walks out of his office and he looks kind of annoyed. and he's a big dude like super tall and broad and loud as hell #so I can hear him like mumbling shit all annoyed and I'm like hey Jake what's up? you doin ok? #and he sighed and was like no. the schools internet filter started blocking my FAVORITE board game forum #and now when I have a thought I can't just look it up to see if anyone's said anything about it. and that's like ALL I do. it's so annoying #and I was like Jake maybe that's why they blocked it akddjkansbdjsdbebs #god I love that dude. and this barely mentions my other supervisor who is autistic and pansexual and married to a woman #and both of them foster several kids. Jake has like 10 fuckin kids or smth bc he was fostering a couple of kids and then he got married #and she already had children and then they had a baby together. idk he's got like a whole baseball team they're very cute

[astridthevalkyrie]

everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh

long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional

#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now #and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him #they're both going to the correct doctors #but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is #jokes that i'm faking it #i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself #which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't #but when i was 16 or 17??? #being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too??? #who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was #so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time #and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space #i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me #i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems #i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!! #and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!! #my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY #the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS #i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!! #every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind #and not awkward or mean #i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't #and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this #i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware #but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit #i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone #i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child #my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow #what the actual fuck???? #my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it