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chosowarmer · 4 months

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Nanami Kento x Boyfriend!Reader [18+]

transgender!man nanami ; male reader ; babytrapping ; pregnancy ; breeding ; 2.0k wc

The two of you having dated for a year or so, Nanami desires more; he wants your baby. You're not interested in being a father, but that's okay, once he's pregnant you'll want it as much as he does.

A/N: ripping my hair out, no longer playing around, nanami i wont u 😵‍💫😵‍💫 this was supposed to be like 750 words and pretty short since i was writing something else but oh well

When he first brought up the idea of having a baby, you told him plainly you weren’t interested. It broke his heart knowing you didn’t want to father his children, but at the time he didn’t push it further than that.

Now, a year together with you, he couldn’t stand it a second longer. He’d been patient, hoping you’d change your mind or maybe forget to wear a condom, but you were always so careful with him, even buying him Plan B just in case.

Why did it matter if you had only been together for a year? If anything, that was too long for him, he should’ve been pregnant months ago. Every time you showered him in love and affection, he couldn’t help but think of how good a father you’d be. He still loved you, even if you were denying him the domestic life he desired; he’d just have to calculate a way to go about it without you knowing at first, and then afterward you’d understand. You’d love it.

He acts indirectly at first. Poking holes in the condoms in your nightstand. Being more needy than usual; initiating sex first more often. Being more insistent you fuck him rather than eat him out or fingerfuck him. He even began taking fertility pills, hoping to ovulate more often. Frustratingly, it all fell flat, you weren't even aware of what he was doing and were still managing to deny him.

He sighed, he couldn’t even understand why you wouldn’t want to get him pregnant. Filling his womb with your cum, fucking him over and over and over until he was tearing up, bulging slightly from the volume of seed in him. Holding him there, cockwarming him to make sure his womb got every last bit.

A few months later the two of you could notice a bump forming. Rubbing his stomach as you feel over the small bump, praising him for carrying your kid for you, and how well he was doing it too. Day by day, watching his belly grow more swollen and taut. He’d have to show up to work so he could officially sign off his paternity leave. His co-worker’s eyes on his distended abdomen, asking how many months along he was, whether it was a girl or boy, how many did he even have in there. He wouldn’t show it on his face, but he would like the attention, answering their inexhaustible questions in his usual stoic manner. And he’d bat away any dawdling hands that tried to touch his belly, that was for you alone.

If the two of you wanted a baby shower, it’d be good to set it up early, or else he’d have to show up with his belly exposed, since there wouldn’t be many clothes to fully hide it. His shirt riding up, or maybe just unbuttoned as he spends most of the function sitting down from your insisting. You wouldn’t take your eyes off him for a minute. Maybe he’s even carrying more than one for you, god he hoped so.

And if it was twins or even triplets, he’d barely be able to get around on his own. If anything, knowing how caring you were, you’d insist for him to lie down; getting anything he needed, feeding into any cravings he’d have. You already show him so much love and attentiveness now, why wouldn’t you want to do that while he was carrying your kids too?

Once he had you, you'd understand.

.♡.

It's during the peak of his next ovulation that he decides to hide the condoms. You’re only watching TV when he comes back, sitting himself up against you, pulling you in close to hold you. You smile at him, cuddling in closer. Good.

He’s slow at first. He kisses your neck, letting his hand feel up your waist. You sigh lovingly. Nanami had been more initiative lately; you hadn’t paid it much mind, thinking it was stress from work or something. But you did kind of want to finish this episode first. You pat his arm, turning to peek at him, “Baby, I love you, but can I please finish this episode first? And then we can do what you want, I promise.”

He huffs, hugging you closer, “That’s fine.”

It wasn’t that fine, he was desperate for you to fuck him now, but if you needed him to wait, he could do that. After twenty minutes or so, he felt restless; by the way you spoke, it seemed like the show was almost over, but it just kept going and going. He’s got his face buried in the crook of your neck, taking in that familiar, delicious scent of your cologne, it drove him crazy.

He lets his hand roam your body again, noting the way your breath hitches as he does so. He’d love to be more patient like you asked, but it felt like his body was on fire, he needed this. He purrs in your ear, “How much longer?”

You don’t how to tell him you lost focus of the show ten minutes ago, too distracted by his body against yours as held you to him. The way you could feel his chest rising up and down, his breath right by your neck, and feeling him readjust himself now and again against you. You’re not even sure you want to check how much time is left in the episode, moaning when you feel him resume kissing your neck. Nanami takes that as confirmation from you, tracing his hand down your happy trail as he reaches the hem of your pants. When you nod, begging for him to touch you, he’s overjoyed.

He pushes his hand into your boxers, reaching past your cock to cup your balls. You groan, eyes rolling back as he massages and fondles you. God, he can feel how heavy and full you were; he needed you to pump him full. He squeezes you gently which elicits another erotic moan out of you. Your cock twitches as he tilts your head to him to look at him, the look he gives you almost hungry.

“Y/n…Can we move this?”

.♡.

He’s on top of you, his wet pussy humping against your cock as he kisses you hard, inviting his tongue into your mouth. Nanami moans as you grab his ass, guiding his hips along your dick. He pulls away, begging for you to fuck him now.

“Please, sweetheart… ♡”

You can’t argue with that, you kiss him again before rummaging in your nightstand for a condom. When you come up empty, you’re confused, you were so sure you still had a few left.

“Hah.. fuck.. Kento, do you have a condom?”

Nanami would grin if he didn’t want to be caught, “No…No, I don’t think so, sweetheart, sorry.” He kisses along your jawline, hoping to bring your focus back to him instead of focusing on the missing condoms. He humps against your cock again, with a desperate moan, “Please, y/n..♡ Haah… I need you so much.”

You cup his face, knowing how much he wants it, but you didn’t want to be too careless, “I know, baby, I know… but I don’t think I’m gonna be able to fuck you today if we don’t have any… How ‘bout something else ♡?”

He huffs, that was not the answer he wanted to hear. He leans right by your ear, and whines. His deep voice begs you, pleading for you to let it slide this once, for him. He slides his cunt along your cock, feeling it twitch from under him; exactly why he left it untouched, he needed you needy. And it works when he hears you hesitate to retort him, a hitch in your voice as you fail to give a proper reply back.

He puts the nail in the coffin as he trails his hand down to his aching cunt, widening his folds as he lets the head of your cock rub right up against it, so close to slipping in him. Pre-cum dribbles out of you onto his pussy as he moans again, right up in your ear, “I have Plan B, sweetheart…♡ Please, please.. Can I have this ♡♡?”

Fuck, it convinces you as you slam him down on your dick, drawing a pleasured cry out of him as he mutters “thank you”’s and “I love you”s. Your cock always made his mind a mess, but today felt like he was melting; knowing you were gonna fill him, impregnate him, fuck, he was losing his mind. He can’t thank you enough, bouncing on it as he clutches around you, like he doesn’t want to let go.

“Thank you… haah.♡…. Nggh.. Thank you, sweetheart, thank you….♡”

You tell him how much you love him, how full you’re gonna make him and it’s like you flipped a switch in his brain. His tight walls convulsing around you as he cums right there and then, crying out as you slam your cock deep in him, now lost in the moment.

You were gonna make him full, so full of your seed, your babies, “FUCK…! HAAH… ❤︎! Fill me, please, please ♡♡!”

Your pace stutters as you feel him squeeze around you, groaning. This is it, what’s he’s been wanting for so long. He moans as he feels your dick throb inside him, you were so close.

You’re not even sure you could pull out if you wanted to, it was like he wanted to keep there forever. You try not to thrust too deep, but he’s got you figured out as he takes you all the way in, slamming his ass down. It’s too much for you as you grip him tight, cumming deep as he milks every bit of seed out of you. He cries again, squirting right on your cock as he whimpers and moans "thank you"s.

He wants to keep you nice and buried in him, not wanting to lose a drop. However, after catching your breath, you squeeze his hand, signaling for him to let you pull out. He hesitates before ultimately letting you go, pulling off your cock with a wet squelch. He kisses your cheek, pulling you close to hold as he smiles faintly.

“I love you so much.”

You smile back at him, taking his hand in yours, “I love you, too.”

.♡.

It's exactly two months later when you're taking out the trash in the bathroom that you notice it, a pregnancy test box, clear as day, resting at the top.

Kento… he…?

You dump out the rest of the container in a panic, desperate to find the stick but it's nowhere to be found. Hearing the front door open, you head over to confront; when did he buy it, why did he buy it, was he… He wasn’t… right? He smiles, cupping your face before holding out an envelope for you to read. He moves to hug you from behind, goading you to open it, wanting to see your reaction as you both read it. You swallow, skimming over the contents.

It’s a lab. For a blood pregnancy test. Positive.

Nanami kisses your cheek, telling you how much he's wanted this for the two of you and it was finally happening. He puts his hand over yours, noting your quiet response.

"The doctor believes it might even be twins. How does that sound? You? A father of two?" You glance back at him, a faint smile on his face. He's so... happy? How?

"I love you, sweetheart."

You glance back at the lab test.

Positive. Twins. A father. Already? You hadn't even married him yet.

You were always so careful with him, making sure you wore a condom or to pull out beforehand. Maybe you forgot one time, or it was a faulty condom. But… to be a father already, well, it was all just so soon, it’s not like… you couldn't...

You feel Nanami's strong arms hug you closer, an unfamiliar tone in his voice as he spoke.

"Y/n...? You're excited, aren't you?"

You can’t see his face, focus still glued to the lab test, but he sounds….

Sigh.. You can't walk out on him. You loved him. Even… Even if…

You turn your head with a smile, "Of course, I love you, baby."

He beams, kissing you again.

#nanami kento x reader #nanami smut #nanami kento #m! reader #male reader #jjk smut #jjk x reader #nanami kento x male reader #jujutsu kaisen #nanami x reader

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doberbutts · 6 months

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Yeah people acting like trans people are just automatically seen as our gender pre everything is very... dismissive of transphobia. There was that one article a while back of a southern black trans man who was a real estate agent who after a long time of being stealth was outed and went from being loved to hated at work if I recall treatment so bad he had to quit plus loss of clientele. I've also heard more casual transphobia after passing/going stealth, since people think they can be bigoted around me. If they think doesn't weigh on our minds how people hate us but don't know it... I'm very cautious with new friendships cause it's like will this person later on admit they dislike me without even being aware of it? Being post everything I understand the whole not being alone but being lonely.

Well like I said I think it all goes back to the fact that a lot of people have a very specific image in their mind of a trans man and that image often doesn't align with reality. For the record I think that happens with all transgender journeys- people have very specific images about what trans people look like and are mad when faced with someone who doesn't match that at all.

And, well. People are weirder about gender than they want to admit. Like my coworker who deliberately calls people she knows are men by feminine terms (girls, ladies, women, etc) and was so confused and needed it explained to her when the two queer men she was doing it to (myself, and our gay boss) said "hey that's uhhhhhh not a great thing to be doing......."

Or all the people who think men and women are inherently, biologically, completely distinct and practically seperate species. They get real mad if there's any or any overlap and that can range from the way bigots talk about their own homophobia to the way leftist praxis has gotten entirely out of hand with the way they treat transgender individuals.

I'm unfortunately used to having to be cautious with new friendships due to being mixed race- a lot of people feel emboldened to say some nasty shit to my face like I'm going to sympathize or agree with them, including a roommate's sibling sitting in my room looking me dead in the eyes saying she doesn't like black people and doesn't think that makes her racist like she thinks I'm going to agree and poor-baby her. I don't really have much advice outside of sticking to your boundaries and not tolerating bullshit once you find it.

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jamisonwritestf2trash · 7 months

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Ello

I am a mutual but i am embarrassed about self shipping so we go anon

If you are comfortable with it could i request the mercs with a trans man/nonbinary on their period? Like if they comfort you and how, what their reaction is (if they find it gross, if their confused as hell)

Thank youu

TF2 Mercs Comforting A Trans Man/Nonbinary Person On Their Period!

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Hello Secret Mutual! Of course you can ask this, it's really cute! You asked the right guy, too, because I am a transgender. Anyways, would you believe this is my second x reader ask? Uh, I hope you don't mind that I used my lgbtq+ headcanons for this! Also, I assumed by comfort you meant general comfort but also dysphoria, I hope I didn't go off ask with that assumption

————————————————————In case you were wondering, none of these guys would be embarrassed or refuse to buy pads/tampons/any other period products for you. And even if they were embarrassed, they'd do it anyway. I will die on this hill. There's also a myriad of period products in the base already, probably all old, but they're still there. Also, none of them will find it or you gross! Some of them might not really understand what a period is, but when they figure it out, they will never make you feel like it or you are gross. Periods are natural, and at the base, no one needs to feel ashamed!

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Um, light TW for gender dysphoria mentions? Nothing serious, just what the title implies. Lots of comfort and validation, though! Also uses of the words pussy and uterus!

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Demo is probably confused for like five minutes and then has a lightbulb moment,

"Oh, yeah, I remember being on the rag, hurt like hell. Medic can fix that if ya want. He took mine years ago." He had follicular cysts and good god was he thrilled to never have that pain again. (He's just like me fr!) Assuming you don't trust Medic, hate surgeries, can't get it removed, or just don't want it removed, he's understanding of your choice to keep it, and will try his best to be comforting. Anything you'll need, he'll manage to find. Heating pads? He's got them somewhere, he's sure. PMS pills? He's on his way to the lab to get them from Medic for you. If you have dysphoria from your period, he's also really good at providing comfort for that. If you're a trans man, he'll tell you you're plenty masculine and one of the strongest men he knows. If you're nonbinary he'll assure you that a little bit of blood every month doesn't change anything and that your identity is still valid as hell. He would fist fight your dysphoria if he could.

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Engie is more surprised than anything. Not in a bad way! Here's the thing, he straight up forgets about periods once he got his uterus taken out. My man had PCOS, and once he no longer had to deal with unbearable cramps and sickness every month, he just never thought about it again. He's super quick to comfort you, though. In a similar vein to Demo, he'll tell you about Medic removing his. Again, I am very respectful of your choice. He will do his best to make you super comfortable and keep you happy. He'll make you special heating pads! He'll also bring you anything you need. I cannot stress this enough. When it comes to dysphoria, you will get called an insane amount of pet names. All validating your identity, of course. He understands the feeling of dysphoria and will do anything to ease the pain and sadness that comes with it. Lots of cuddles from him too btw.

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Heavy is confused. Not by periods. This man grew up with three sisters. He knows what a period is by now. No, he's confused by you getting a period. He's not mean, of course! He's just going to ask you a lot of questions because he's probably just interested. He'll do whatever you need him to do to make it easier for you. He knows his sisters were miserable during their time, and he can't imagine how bad it is for you to have to deal with a period and dysphoria. Speaking of dysphoria, he doesn't really know what to say but also manages to say everything you need to hear at the same time? Like he assures you in no uncertain terms that you are super valid and no less of a man or person and that you are you and you're valid. He hugs you a lot! If you seem even the slightest bit sad, he's giving you a hug.

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Medic is probably the best when it comes to dealing with periods. He understands dysphoria and knows how to ease your pain. The second you feel pain, he's handing you hot tea and pain medication. He keeps you in his lab while he works to keep an eye on you and sends Archimedes and his other doves over to comfort you whenever he can't. He tracks your period purely to make sure he can have anything you might need on hand day of. He's always willing to remind you of how scientifically you're gender has nothing to do with those pesky organs. Lots of compliments on your body if you're a trans man, commenting on how masculine you are. If you're nonbinary he's complimenting your resilience and strength. Honestly, he's great. Points taken off, though, because he wants your uterus for his ever growing organ collection, but he will respect your choices with minimal pestering.

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Scout is confused all around. He doesn't get it. So you have to explain periods to him, then you have to explain being trans to him, and then you have to explain both together before it finally clicks in his mind. He's immediately supportive. Maybe to supportive. If you ask him to get period products you'll get hit with the "Alright babe, I'm in the pad isle, what's ur pussy size?" And if you make the mistake of not answering in the first five minutes he buys so many boxes of pads and tampons. You're sitting in bed clutching your stomach, and he comes in the room to dump at least seven boxes of pads and tampons on you. Hey, what he lacks for in understanding, he makes up for by being able to make you laugh so hard you forget the period cramps. You'll never feel dysphoria if he has any say in it. He will do anything to distract you from bad thoughts and will validate you until his voice wears out.

(HE'S LIKE THIS WHEN HE FIRST LEARNS WHAT A PERIOD IS 😭)

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Sniper doesn't care that you have a period and doesn't care that you're trans. That sounds really mean, but I swear it's not like that. Periods are normal, and you shouldn't feel weird about them, so when it's your time of the month, he'll support you in whatever way you need, but he'll act very nonchalant about it all. With you being trans he reassures you that he doesn't care about how you were born and that you shouldn't either because your body doesn't define the person you are. Basically, this man is so supportive but in a really calm kind of way. But just because he acts all chill and nonchalant doesn't mean he isn't worried. Oh no, this man appears to be calm and collected, but he's really upset that you have to go through this. You might find yourself on the receiving end of hugs and kisses whenever you look particularly sad.

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Considering his ass is on the support team, Spy is not very supportive. Well, not supportive emotionally. Physically, he'll bring you the best of whatever you need or want. He's more than happy to kill someone to get you something nice, just to see you light up or (happy) cry out of appreciation. Emotionally, however, he's not mean, but he thinks you're being ridiculous with the things you say. He wants to provide you comfort, but he really doesn't understand why you feel so dysphoric and doesn't even know where to start. He'll just reassure you he loves and cares for you. Speaks softly to you and talks more than he normally does if you prod him. Who knows, he might even sing for you or tell you stories while you lay in bed with cramps if that would make you feel better.

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Soldier is confused, but he's got the right spirit. In a similar vein to Scout, has asked what your pussy size is at least once, and has at least bought nine boxes of period products. He really just wants to be helpful and make you feel better. He'll gladly get anything you need, from heating pads to chocolate he's already getting it the second you even thought about it. I'd you feel dysphoric, he'll remind you that you're an American!! (even if you aren't 😭) And you're an amazing person. So, who cares how you were born? What matters is the person you are today! Less screaming than normal, especially if you get migraines or just headaches in general. He's still really loud, and your head will still probably throb, but he's trying. It takes him a while to go from his normal 100% volume to a normal speaking volume but the effort really shows. Most of the time though, he might just lay with you and listen to you talk, if you're in any mood to. Or just take a nap with you. Literally anything you want to do, he'll do, as long as he can do it with you.

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Pyro knows. Like 100% knows. They experience it every month and deal with pain and gender dysphoria. (They're the only merc who has a uterus and period, actually! They're MTF and underwent the surgeries only to realize their agender, they now have a complicated relationship with their gender where they love their body but dislike their uterus and want it removed but at the same time value their uterus) Anyways, this isn't a Pyro post so moving on! So, you two would probably sync up and deal with it together. Pyro would most likely focus on you to help them ignore their symptoms and dysphoria. They love helping you and caring for you. They have a big heated blanket that you can share to help ease pain, and they have as much chocolate as you need to make you feel better. Lots of hugs and cuddles, too! They'll talk to you for hours about their issues with gender dysphoria if you let them, always returning the favor to let you rant back at them. Finding their own way to assure you the feel the same and that you both need to realize that a blood cycle can't and won't ever define you or your gender.

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I love these guys so much. It's insane. Also, I love this ask, I want to shake it around in my teeth like a dog. Anyways! I swear I'm normal. I hope you like this Anon :)

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #team fortress headcanons #tf2 hcs #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 x reader #tf2 x you

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perplexingluciddreams · 6 months

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An exploration of gender as a nonverbal autistic

This is going to be an attempt at expressing my feelings about my own gender and queerness, as a nonverbal autistic with language difficulties, low awareness of the world around me, barely any sense of self, and so many other things that affect my ability to understand and be aware of the concept of gender and sexuality to begin with.

I tried to write this like a properly structured essay, but because my thoughts are so disorganised in general (and I have so many thoughts on this topic), I couldn’t manage that. So, I have decided to present this as if it is a collection of journal entries; that is basically what this is, in truth! You will just have to experience the disorganisation in a similar way to how I experience my own mind. The most organising I was able to do was split it up into some categories, to make it slightly easier for you, reading this. Some things that I wrote could fit into more than one category, but this is how I chose to divide it up.

I have written a lot about the words I use to describe the way I feel, how I choose those words, and how that has changed over time. My delays in certain areas of development, and the other ways my various disabilities affect me, have a significant impact on the ways I have come to understand my gender identity and the internal (and partially external) process I went through to get to where I am now.

I have no doubt that things will continue to shift and change and as a result, the way I define myself in different contexts will also change. This is just my first attempt at getting a lot of this out of my brain and into words, for other people to read.

I wrote this is many fragments, so it doesn’t flow or connect, and there may be some repetition. Each paragraph may have been written at a completely different time, and therefore doesn’t relate to the last paragraph, or the next. Some of this is just stand-alone statements, some is longer examinations of my feelings. But all of it is true to my experience of the world and of queerness.

I have never been able to express the majority of this before, so I think it is pretty good for a first attempt!

**Note: I make a reference to having speech at a point in my life. I am nonverbal due to late autism regression, and grew up semiverbal with very unreliable speech, and language issues. I had very poor communication.**

Here we go!

I am inserting a “read more” here because this is very long. Really, very long.

Part 1 - The Words

I don't really think of myself as a man or a woman, or a boy or a girl. I have called myself a transsexual man before, simply because that is the clearest way to explain to someone where I'm coming from and where I'm headed. But I don't particularly like the word "man" to describe myself. I like the word boy, just because the word is nice. But that doesn't mean I am insistent on people calling me a boy.

I choose the words I use for myself simply from what I like the sound or feel of the most. The last thing I want is to be boxed in, though. I only use labels as descriptors, to explain to other people - they are a tool to communicate something, not a set of limits and boundaries to put on myself.

I know a lot of people might read this and think "that sounds like nonbinary", but I don't use that word. Again, simply because I don't like the way it sounds or feels when i read/write/hear it. And yes, I suppose I do exist outside the conventional binary, but that would be the case regardless of whether I was transsexual or not, because of my autism. So that is not something that needs to be labeled in my opinion (for me personally). Because the conventional binary is not something that exists in my experience of the world.

I hate that there's one set of accepted terminology to label queerness - such a fluid and complex piece of identity - and that I am even more "other" if I choose to say that I AM female, I WAS a girl. I don't like the word transgender unless it is being used as a verb - transing gender. I like the word transsexual because it describes something I will DO (top surgery, eventually). And partly because of how it sounds and the pattern of typing it on a keyboard.

My gender is what I DO, not what I AM. Gender as a verb.

Socially, changing my name and pronouns is much more connected to my barely-there sense of self, and past trauma. I needed to start again, because I felt that my life had changed completely (and it *had*). I like he/him pronouns because they sound different to how i was always referred to growing up. And they simply sound nicer.

Even though I don't understand most of the social stuff that comes with gender stuff, I still have positive and negative connections to certain gender-related things. And relating to the way I was raised - it still affects me, even though I can't grasp the complexity of how and why.

I enjoy the fact that I am fucking with gender, fucking with expectations. I am a female that is also a boy. I love the contradiction.

I still call myself female, because if people really mean it when they say "gender and sex is separate", then "female" does not mean "girl" or "woman".

Most words I used to describe myself as a child were put on me by other people. I used to repeat them over and over in my mind, as if to explain to myself that that's what I am. Especially my own name. I felt that if I just repeated it enough then maybe those words would stick and feel real. They never did. I don't know what words I would use to describe myself now, but I don't think I need to know. I'm just me. No words are needed for that.

When I just exist as myself in the world, words are barely relevant. My world is so sensory-based and rich in sensations that there's no point even trying to put words to it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with creating new words for things that already have words to describe them, language is constantly evolving and different people will have different experiences that they want to describe in different ways. However, I don't think it is useful to argue for stopping the usage of "outdated" terms, as there are always going to be people who prefer those terms. Not all people are going to agree on a word that they find most fitting or appropriate, even in one community.

I try my best to examine my feelings about myself and what causes a good reaction in me and what causes bad reaction in me. And then I use whatever words I have to try and explain it as best as I can.

Often the words I have are not enough and either I cannot communicate something at all, or I try and it is inaccurate and/or inadequate.

It is very difficult for me to put such abstract thoughts/concepts/feelings into words, I lack the language for that and often also the awareness - there is so many steps to communicating something for me. For example, most people have the automatic urge to communicate things, and know that option is always there. For me, it takes mental work to even remember other people exist and I am capable of interaction with them. And of course after that follows so much more work to do the actual communicating.

For years I thought of the words "transgender" and "transsexual" as off limits. "Those are the things I am not allowed to be".

A lot of words have shaky definitions and that makes it hard for me to even understand what they mean, never mind use them to describe myself.

I would often rather use a phrase, or a paragraph, to describe myself, rather than a singular word. I really don't want to be misunderstood.

I think that the way I experience gender cannot be put into words, and it certainly can't be labeled with one thing. I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to even try and communicate these things, and to explore it openly in the first place. Because of course I would still explore it inside my own head, even if I didn't have the words or couldn't tell anybody - I was already doing that, before I had access to all this new language.

I know a lot of people don't like the word "tomboy", but since I was a kid I've always really liked it. It brings to mind a mental image of young girls (in a time when clothing for men and women was much more separated) dressing up in boys clothes, boys school uniform, and the feeling of freedom from that. I always wished people would call me a tomboy when I was a kid.

I had a feeling of "oh, that's what I want to be when I grow up", when I first learnt of what butch is. Even though I am not sure at all of my sexuality, because that relates to other people and I am never sure how I relate to other people, or if that’s even possible, especially in a romantic or sexual way.

The words I use will always be slightly "out of date", or "not right", because of the time it takes my brain to catch up with everything. I will never find words to properly describe myself in a way that feels fully correct. I live in a world of my own that doesn't need words, only the acknowledgement of a feeling inside my own head. However, that is not very useful when trying to communicate things to other people.

Some words just taste and sound like defiance.

Part 2 - My Physical Existence

With puberty, I had so much discomfort with the change in my body, not only because it felt as if I was developing wrong, but also because of age and developmental stage - I felt it was too early, I was not ready for that. Big changes are bad.

I do have dysphoria, but only really around my chest, and the way people refer to me (which is also complicated and related to trauma). And other than that, I don't care a lot about how I am viewed, as long as I feel free to express myself however I want.

Aside from my chest, I am comfortable being female. I like having a vulva (as much as it intrigues me about what having a penis is like), I don't want to change that about my body. I don't mind having a uterus (apart from menstruation, which is not fun, but it's not the worst thing ever and it doesn't make me feel overly dysphoric).

I recognise that I have a physical form. I did have to develop the awareness of that, but I do not see that as ME. I am just a floating mass of thoughts and feelings and experiences.

My body was made for me, it wasn't made wrong. There are things I need to change about this body to make it more comfortable to exist in, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it was made wrong to begin with, despite feeling that way sometimes.

Disabled bodies inherently break the rules.

Many times I have wondered, perhaps, if my chest were much smaller, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. The main thing I struggle with due to my very large chest, is the physical discomfort. It aggravates my sensory issues in a massive way, it causes back and rib pain from the weight and pressure. The ways that having a large chest increases symptoms of my disabilities are the biggest reason for needing top surgery. Gender wise, I think I would be unbothered by a more “neutral” body, where I could easily forget about my birth sex. If/when I get top surgery, I will be removing my entire chest - the end result being a flat chest - however if I naturally had very small breasts I wonder whether I would pursue top surgery at all. I’m not sure of the answer to this, I can’t imagine hypothetical situations well, but it’s something I think about often.

I find relief in having physical reminders that it is different now (to when I was a child) and I won't get hurt again, I am safe now. I now have a buzzcut that I touch every time I am scared and remember it is not like when my hair was long, not anymore.

Sensory issues and physical limitations affect my physical appearance. And, my mannerisms are affected. I cannot look how I WANT to look. How I WISH I looked. As a result, my perception of myself and my external appearance, are even further divided. My generally low awareness and weak sense of self comes into play here as well. There is such a disconnect.

Part 3 - Awareness and Understanding

I can't stick labels on myself because in order to do that, I need to perceive myself as a person first. If other people want to use certain words to describe the way I am and the way I try to find joy and comfort in this confusing and scary world, that's absolutely fine by me - words are important and helpful and useful. But I don't know enough about the character that other people see and perceive, to say those things about "me".

I don't understand the concept of gender at all really. For me being trans is just about having more of the things that make me happier and more comfortable. I don't know what it means to BE a boy, versus being a girl - just that, out of the two, I would much rather be a boy. It is complicated, having such strong feelings towards and/or against things that I barely grasp the concept of.

My (lack of) understanding of gender and awareness of the world and myself definitely impact the way I define my identity. I would like to say that I am not bothered about labels much. That, to me the human experience is too complex and varied and colourful to be fit into black and white labels, I am just somewhere on the spectrum of human, but as descriptors they can be useful. And all of that is true, however, I do have intense preferences on which words I and others use to refer to me, even if I don’t at all understand why. Those preferences have shifted over time, as well, which sparks a period of questioning and examination, every time I hear someone use a word I previously preferred and find myself physically recoiling from the discomfort.

I cannot understand social constructs such as gender and gender roles. It just add to the confusion that surrounds my brain every day of my life.

If someone views me as a woman (or a girl), nowadays I am okay with that. It definitely would have bothered younger me, because I couldn't yet wrap my head around the complexity and fluidity of identity, and how it can't always be described by words with strict definitions. But as long as people use the name I chose for myself, and refer to me in the the way I ask, I am okay with any assumptions they may make about me based on my outward appearance. Because it's me, and how I define my own identity, that matters. Not how I look to other people. And my appearance is not something I have much control over at all, anyway. The first thing people notice about me is that I’m disabled.

Part 4 - Growing Up

The stages to breaking down my identity enough to identify it as a trans experience, for me, were this. First, it was necessary to understand what gender and sex is, and that there’s a difference between the two. Then, to understand social roles assigned to male and female that create "girl" and "boy" expectations. Thirdly, to have enough awareness of myself and understand my individual experience (and be able to compare my experience to others’) enough to figure out how I feel about gender. Lastly, to finally get communication skills and the control over my life to be able to TELL anyone. This last step is a work in progress!

The way I see it, I was by default a girl when I was younger. Because I had no control then, and that's what was assigned to me. I really couldn't say what I wanted almost at all until I was about 16 years old. And one of the first complex things I finally could communicate (at a very basic level, just scraping the surface) was the gender stuff. I attempted this a lot of times before 16 but I simply didn’t have the language, the understanding, the awareness, the communication skills, etc. to get my point across. The first time I tried to tell another person about experiencing queerness, I only had the words “gay” and “lesbian” to use. I knew that these were not right, but that was all I had. The only words I could use were ones I had read or heard, from other people, and that greatly, greatly limited my ability to express my unique internal experiences. Instead of trying to find other words, I instead became very insistent upon being gay/lesbian, only because I knew it was more than that.

I have a lot of memories of scary experiences where my unreliable speech took over and blurted out scripts (delayed echolalia) about being queer (using words I wouldn’t choose), simply because I was trying to learn and understand my feelings about queerness better with watching/reading media from other people. And that lead to ridicule and more exposure than I was ready for or wanted. I didn’t want other people to know, at that stage. I wasn’t done with the processing, and I needed it to stay internal. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

I was one of those people where it was always obvious I am queer, or at least “different” in just about every respect. I have never had a choice to hide it. I mourn the fact that I was never allowed the chance to inform other people of this part of my identity in my own time, with my own words. I am grateful that I even have the privilege of writing this, but there is a reason that there’s so much to write here in one go. There is so much I haven’t had the ability to say at all, until now, and even more that I haven’t had the chance to say right.

Sometimes I have the feeling that, even in the queer community, with the accepted labels and identities, I don't fit. It makes me sad sometimes, that I couldn't fit an accepted “role” or label. I have come to an understanding that that is not what being queer is about at all, which helps. I think part of the reason this upsets me, is because I am so disabled that I will never “fit” in any real queer space with other real queer people. I am left outside, watching from the edges. I am outside of everything.

But - It comforts me that there have always been people like me, just existing in the world. We have always been here. When I was younger and had all these thoughts and feelings about gender that I didn't understand yet, had no context for, couldn't express and didn't have proof of anyone else who had the same experience - it comforted me to think "if i am feeling this, then statistically another human at some point in time must've felt the same way".

When I was younger I used to believe - queer is what people say when they mean "dirty" and "wrong". It’s what people say when they mean something worse but don't have a word for it.

My identity of being trans is simply my identity of being me.

When I think about "passing" and wishing things to be easier for me, I don't think "I wish I passed as a boy", I find myself wishing I was just a girl, and then my life would be so much less complicated. But, of course, it will always be complicated for me, because of how others perceive my autism first, before anything else. I feel I struggle to be seen as a whole human with a complex human experience, because to so many people I am just my autism. Then also lacking of awareness of gender and only knowing my own feelings - even if I was a girl, I would still have this difficulty! - but still, in this situation, I think "I wish I didn't have these feelings to begin with". I think that shows it is more about the difficulty of coping, rather than other people's view and opinion based on my appearance and outward expression.

When using words to refer to my younger self, those experiences and the way they were labeled and explained at the time does not cease to exist just because I choose to use different words for my present-day self. I am more accepting of this now, I used to really struggle with the fact that it had changed over time and my black-and-white thinking of “one or the other is true”, made it very challenging.

When I was younger, the only way I knew how to make everything “wrong” with me (autism, physical disabilities, queerness, lack of faith in God, etc.) an understandable concept, was to come up with the overall explanation that “my brain is broken”. I just thought that must be the only answer. It was the only way I could process how many things I thought were completely and utterly wrong about me.

It feels like two facts colliding when I see my birth name, and it makes my brain hurt and my understanding of the world shatter.

Part 5 - The Choice

When people misgender me, it is more upsetting to me that people ignore my choice than that they perceive me "wrong" or make the wrong assumption. I actually don’t mind assumptions much, if someone looks at me and thinks I’m a woman that’s okay with me nowadays - I understand that I appear female, because I am, and a lot of people connect female with woman (or girl, as I am often also assumed to be quite young). But I also can easily forget that someone might not know my pronouns straight away, simply because of struggles with theory of mind - I forget that other people don't automatically know what I know, that they can't read my mind.

It is upsetting only because my choice is not being respected or understood or seen, from my brain’s point of view. Having the ability and opportunity to choose the way I am addressed, the way I identify, the way I talk about myself and want others to talk about me, is incredibly valuable to me. For so long I have only had other people’s words, both for them to freely put onto me, and to use in my laboured attempts at communication. Attempting to grab onto the closest words to my true meaning and piecing them together like jigsaw pieces from different puzzles that don’t quite fit.

Now that I can write something like this, with so many words that are mostly my own, to have someone go against that (whether it is intentional or not - it doesn’t change things because of my low theory of mind, I can’t think from another’s perspective and understand that they don’t know what I know) is spirit breaking.

A lot of the parts of my transition can be (partially) attributed to different things, different reasons. I changed my name partly because I had no connection to my birth name, and struggled to remember to respond to it. It also reminded me of bad memories that I don’t want to relive every day. Having a new name was part of a necessary process of changing every part of my life so it never feels the same way it used to - at least, not in the ways that I can control. I already wrote about how I need top surgery for reasons including but not limited to dysphoria, pain, sensory issues, and so on. I love having my hair buzzed (as much as I have the occasional urge to grow it), because it feels like me. It feel different to when I was younger, and it’s a physical reminder that I am safe now, every time I touch my head or catch a glance of myself in the mirror.

Technically, with these other reasons to attribute many parts of my transition to, I could choose not to identify the way I do. If I didn’t feel a strong connection to queerness, I don’t think I would spend so much time trying to sift through thoughts and feelings and experiences and memories and holding them up against different words to see how it fits. I have basically no awareness of gender outside of myself, I can’t figure out my sexuality because I don’t know how I can even relate to other people. I could put a mental block between me and this topic, and never call myself queer or trans or anything like that ever again.

But - I DO choose to collect these parts of me, and spend the time holding them up to the light and squinting at them from every direction, to come to align them with these words. That is my choice.

I am the same person I always have been, I just get to choose now. I have the power and control.

Thank you for reading, if you got to the end! I love to know that my words are seen by other people.

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plutodetective · 1 year

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I have to work today, but there’s a lot I want to say about Jonathan and gender, and I won’t have the time to organize it in a proper essay, so here are some points:

1) Of fucking course men can have characteristics usually attributed to women and still be men. I’m working on a series of sci-fi adaptations of fairy tales, and in my Sleeping Beauty the protagonist is a (cisgender) boy, precisely because I want boys to see they can be vulnerable and need rescue too. And I completely understand if someone prefers to see Jonathan as a cis man because it’s so rare to see men in this role, surviving abuse, when it does happen in real life. I start my Gothic Heroine Support Group fic with Belle making precisely this point. Men can be prey, women can be predators. She knows this because that’s what happened to the original Beast, and kudos to Gabrielle Suzanne de Villeneuve, the author of the original Beauty and the Beast, for making this point centuries ago.

2) That being said, Jonathan seems to identify with women on a deeper level than being on a role in which women usually are. For me, what cements the headcanon is when he chooses the women’s quarters to sleep in, seeming to long for “a gentle life”, even if it involved sadly waiting for the menfolk to return from war. He seems to identify with the female identity, not only the female role. That’s only my personal interpretation, I fully acknowledge that. But seeing as it’s one that a lot of trans people in the fandom seem to share and, more importantly, to identify with, it’s one that is more than valid: it brings people joy. I’m cis. I’m also bisexual, and I know the joy of seeing myself in a character through subtext, and also how frustrating it is when people say it’s not true because it’s not 100% explicit in the text. If trans people are telling me they identify with Jonathan, I believe them and I take that as there being reasons I acknowledge I cannot fully understand why Jonathan is potentially a trans woman.

3) I assume everyone here has heard of Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey. But it’s less likely that everyone has heard of Gail Carriger’s The Heroine’s Journey. I fully recommend this book to everyone. But the point she makes is that whether someone is a “hero” or a “heroine” according to hers and Campbell’s analysis doesn’t depend on their gender. Women can follow Campbell’s Hero Journey, and men can follow Carriger’s Heroine Journey. And non-binary people can follow either. The names come from the gender of the characters who originated the archetypes, with Campbell’s being classic Greek heroes, and Carriger’s being ancient world goddesses. With that in mind, although no one has written a “Gothic Heroine’s Journey”, Jonathan Harker is a gothic heroine, regardless of whether you see him as cis man or trans woman, because he follows that story type step by step.

4) Does anyone here know of a transgender gothic heroine (in the gender neutral sense explained above)? Because I don’t. If anyone does, seriously, please point me their way, I’d love to increase my gothic knowledge. But it’s a type of representation I’ve never seen. As a member of a lot of minorities, I feel very happy whenever I see any of them represented in ways I’ve never seen before, and I can only imagine it’s the same for trans people. So what’s the harm in letting Jonathan be that? Seriously. All that is missing so far from Jonathan being a fully classical gothic heroine is him going around the castle in a flowing white dress. If I ever get to adapt my written version of modern day!Dracula, I’ll absolutely put Natália (my version of Jonathan) in a white nightgown, just to give a transgender actor the chance to play out this scene that I’ve seen so many cis women do over the years. Again, I understand if someone takes empowerment from Jonathan as a cis man surviving abuse, and I’d never want to take that away from them. Jonathan being a cis man is an absolutely valid reading too. But I think trans women deserve empowerment too, deserve to see a trans woman playing out a story so many of their cis counterparts have always had. The book is in public domain. We can each adapt them the way we choose. Cis man Jonathan and trans fem Jo, Natália, or whatever name you prefer for her, can coexist and be important to the groups of people each of them are important to.

#dracula spoilers #dracula #jonathan harker #dracula daily #re: dracula

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welcome-to-sparkys · 5 months

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As an apology for disappearing, here's a WIP of a project I'm excited for. Sorry about it again, I caught COVID, I'm dealing with college, AND I do live in capitalism.

Also please feel free to send in requests 👀

Tags/CWs: trans!Mike, FTM!Mike, pregnancy mention, mpreg (technically), securitywaiter, dreamtheory, I suppose trans phobia kinda??? It's the early 2000's but Ness is accepting, transvestite mention

This is NOT edited ‼️

No, no this can't be possible, Ness thought. In all reality, it was entirely possible. The couple didn't have a tendency to use protection. Mike never carried it around, never had the funds or the thought to, and Ness was... Ignorant. He knew of people like Mike. Trans... Transvestites? Wait, no. Transgender. That's right, Mike had to correct him often. He didn't care that Mike used to be a woman, Mike was a man where it counts.

He loved and accepted Mike, how could he not? Mike was the light of his world. He was more beautiful than when the sun began to rise, painting the valleys and hills in bright golden sunlight. More breathtaking than the first dusty snowfall on a winter's day. His rich, silky curls, ones Ness had tangled his fingers in tenfold, his sharp jaw and sweet crooked nose. Every inch, every detail, every fine line Ness loved feverishly.

Even now.

Even now as he held a positive pregnancy test. The end was wrapped in a towel, but the two Ruby red lines stared him in the face. Even now, as he glanced up at Mike, the antsy man, lip quivering and nibbling at his jagged fingernails, Ness loved him with every fiber in his being.

He blinked.

"How?" Was the first word to tumble out from Ness's lips.

It jolted Mike back to reality. Back to this very-real moment, despite his bout of disassociation. It didn't feel real. None of this did. Then again, neither did the couple's courting or unlikely relationship feel real from time to time. "Wh-What?" He sputtered out. "What do you mean how?"

"I... Mike-" Ness cleared his throat, shifting a smidge on the edge of the bed. Mike was towering over him for once, standing in the bathroom doorframe, bathing in the artificial warm light. Their gaze met, for just a moment. Ness felt his anxiety melt under Mike's hazel stare. "Don't get me wrong, I, uh... I understand what you are." Ness began, tripping over himself. He shifted more uncomfortably, picking at his hangnails. "I know you're a man, a-and I read plenty of books to... To understand."

Plenty would be an understatement. Ness checked out every single book he could at every library he had access to. He scouted the internet for any traces of people like Mike, for answers to his questions. So many of the resources claimed Mike was broken, wrong. That Mike needed to be "fixed". Hell, some argued sleeping with a man would somehow flip a switch in Mike's head and make him a woman again.

That was evidently false to Ness, especially now. Proof is in the pudding, and Ness had somehow knocked Mike up.

Women becoming men — or rather, men who just happened to be born in a woman's body — was rare. At least to the public eye. Especially so, with the date reading April of 2000. Ness never denied Mike's identity. In fact, he embraced it. Every single day he reminded Mike of who he was, calling him a "big strong man," "handsome fella," or even just "my boyfriend."

"So...?" Mike's voice drew Ness out of his swirling thoughts. His "mind palace" Mike and Abby often called it. His space where he asked far too many questions and investigated as he pleased.

"Oh, um... So, I just. How can you be pregnant? You're a man, Mike. You know that, I know that."

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eggbreadboi · 2 years

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thinking about being so at home in your pain and the endlessness of it that you inflict a version of it onto another person without thinking

thinking about Schmendrick turning The Unicorn into Amalthea

#that was such a moment #i think about it a normal amount #the last unicorn #schmendrick the magician #amalthea #you need to understand that in my mind this man is so transgender #he is so transgender

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doctordragon · 2 months

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TW: institutionalization, assault, transandrophobia, drugging mention

When I was institutionalized, I was violently thrown to the ground and held down by a grown man (I was a minor at the time) because I didn't want to stand in the 'right gendered line' (the facility had 'mixed genders' but they separated boys and girls in different parts of the same room. Couldn't sit on the same couch, or stand in the same line). Afterwards I was cornered and threatened with another violent assault and drugging if I didn't 'behave' (I was never been violent or aggressive the entire time, I just didn't want to stand in the line of my agab, and was even willing to compromise and stand and sit on my own but they weren't willing to compromise with me) by the man who assaulted me.

The kicker? I'm "tme", the staff knew I was afab (and deadnamed and misgendered the whole time too), I'd not even started hormones so I looked at most like a tomboy. But of course I could never understand how evil mental health facilities could be (never mind the long history of punishing and institutionalizing gender non-conformity in afab people, the trans community supports erasure apparently)

Afterwards they told me it was to protect me. Violently assaulting me to "protect" me, that's something distinct about transandrophobia. Had I been transfem, I think it still would have happened, but then they'd try to justify it by saying they're just trying to protect the girls from me. Because transfems are seen as a danger, and transmascs are seen as stupid girls putting themselves in danger (and of course it's okay to hurt them because 'that's what they signed up for', sigh)

My sincerest apologies if this ended up more like a traumadump than an addition which is what it's intended to be. Just know you are not alone.

That's beyond horrific and I'm sorry something awful like that happened to you. Transandrophobia in the healthcare industry is a rampant issue. I have a lot of transmasc friends and pretty much all of them have experienced some sort of medical gatekeeping or violence based on their gender. A lot of it is to "protect" us as well, like T being a controlled substance to protect poor lost women from themselves. As I type this out, I'm almost on my fourth year uninsured without a PCP and unable to get the top surgery I need because my state has a PCP shortage and I'm struggling to find one that will do trans healthcare. I can't get the healthcare I need (stuff that is unrelated to my transness) because I am transgender.

People who use "TME/TMA" repeatedly demonstrate that they don't understand the difficulty of simply existing in the modern world as a trans man. They don't understand that while trans women face their own unique oppression, trans men do as well. We should be focusing on the similarities of our issues, because I always end up relating heavily to my sisters far more than finding I can't understand.

Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to hear your similar experiences and know I'm not alone in my trauma.

#transandrophobia

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judethejudas · 2 years

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How they would react to you being trans— MW2 Headcanons

This includes all types of trans— so trans women, men, non binary (which would require much more explaining to the boys). Also it’s okay to not want to take hormones or do surgeries, it does not make you less of who you are. It’s just for the headcanons, my loves.

Ghost:

- He’s silent the whole time you’re coming out to him

- He just stares at you, with so many thoughts in his mind.

- Of course he knew trans people existed but he never figured you’d be one of them.

- You were already on hormones but not the surgeries, which made sense to him now because you always avoided the showers with everybody and preferred covering up.

- Ghost covered up quite a bit too so he felt closer to you in that way. That you both valued your privacy.

- He realized now it was because you didn’t have much of a choice. Even though he couldn’t have known, he felt guilty for it.

- He caught onto the pain in your eyes as you explained that your transition wasn’t easy. You lost friends, family, people you really cared about.

- “All because you were trans?” He couldn’t believe it honestly. That someone would break a bond because you wanted to be yourself.

- He put a hand on your shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. “This doesn’t change anything between us and if anyone has a problem with it, you come to me. Is that clear?”

- You brushed the tears off your cheeks and nodded, before Ghost sent you off to do something productive.

Soap:

- He’s quite shocked when you tell him and he doesn’t make much of an effort to hide it.

- You’re transgender? How? How does that work? Do you mean you’re going to transition into the opposite gender?

- He’s not stupid but he’s confused. Our confused ally.

- You had to explain to him that you already did years ago but didn’t have the surgeries, which is why you covered up a lot.

- “I thought you and ghost were just starting a little club getting all cozied up like that.” He’s so puzzled and asking a lot of questions, like how your voice sounds like that and how this happened.

- The only letters this man knew of the lgbtq2s+ community is gay and lesbian.

- You explained hormones to him and he was just blown away.

- Then you started talking about how unsupportive people have been to you and he felt terrible.

- “I’m not like that, am I?” You reassured him immediately that he was not and he was relieved. He had grown to like you on his team, how you two bickered and joked with each other on missions— especially when you two ganged up on Ghost.

- “You’re definitely gonna have to run it by me a few times but I got your back, (y/n).”

Captain Price:

- I ain’t gonna lie to you, this man?? Is all kinds of phobic. He’s old, he can’t help it.

- He had taken a liking to you as time went on and you proved yourself to be a valuable member of the team.

- So when you came out to him, it was just pure shock. He didn’t know what to do or say. Suddenly everything had changed. About you.

- He was taught not to respect members of the lgbtq2s+ by his family and grew up with that mindset. He knew every slur in the book.

- But you being one of them? He couldn’t fathom it. But he also couldn’t bring himself to hate you.

- You explained to him how you were alienated and hated ever since you came out, so you found a family when you joined task 141.

- He felt horrible now.

- To anyone else, he could be bitter about it and he wouldn’t feel one ounce of guilt. But not to you. This was you.

- “Alright look, I can’t say I understand.. this. I’ll need time to process it since I was raised differently, but I’m not gonna throw ya out..”

- You were happy he was willing to put aside his prejudice for you, but you did need to correct him on a few terms that weren’t horrifically transphobic or homophobic.

- You, Ghost, and Soap end up giving him the nickname of Captain Pride, absolutely bombarding this old man until he’s had enough and making you all scrub toilets.

_______

I seriously doubt Ghost and Soap would be assholes about reader being trans. I just don’t see them caring that much other than asking a few questions, but Price? 😭

#cod #ghost #cod ghost #john soap mactavish #cod soap #captain price #cod captain price #mw2 soap #mw2 ghost

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anonymeqaupdates · 5 months

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How do you imagine a Headcanon of Trans!Kalim, who hid this secret from his family, even from Jamil himself (except Cater and Lilia, as both are also trans in the headcanon, and Yuu, because in his world, he had a friend who he was also trans, so he was already suspicious), but what about his secret is revealed during chapter 4?

I don't mind trans HC, be it mtf or ftm, and Kalim who has been shown to repress a lot of things could be an interesting character to see through that lens. It's easier for me to write what I know so unless I'd have help with someone that had personal experience with the subject I wouldn't go there but I like reading fics that touches on the subject.

Now for your idea my real issue would be about the reveal since book 4 doesn't exactly offers a lot of opportunities for it. The one way I can see it happens is if it somehow came out when Jade used Shock the heart on Kalim and that, during the next day the Octo trio and Yuu keep slipping up about it knowing how Kalim identify as. So it'd be an accidental outing and it's not guaranteed Jamil takes it seriously at first. It may need Kalim properly coming out to him as a man or a woman in their talk post OB. That's the nicest way I can see things happens in Book 4.

In a more traumatic fashion, there would be a purposeful outing done by the Octo trio (if we keep the idea that Jade found out first), but that would make them way too scummy and antagonistic so I'd avoid that road. What would be interesting is having Jamil found out by using his UM to dig shameful secret to use as ammo against Kalim. Kalim hypnotize would reveal to Jamil their true gender and Jamil would be too shock to do anything about it. Not knowing how to deal with the info he'd pretend it doesn't exist. However he can't help himself but look up more information about transgender people because how did he miss something so big? During Book 2 and 3 you can have some encounters with him where he's reading up the subject. Yuu would notice but Jamil will always be gone before they can ask him about it. Yuu would wonder if Jamil is an egg but it's not until interacting furthermore with him and Kalim in book 4 that they realize that Kalim is the one who's trans, maybe after the carpet ride? Anyway Jamil who had noticed that Yuu seemed knowledgeable on the subject ends up asking them a few questions about it, without saying anything about Kalim. Yuu could try to advise him, and Jamil might finally finish processing the revelation. Unfortunately, Azul and the Tweels shows up right after that. So Jamil not only doesn't have the time to decide what to do about Kalim's identity but he also doesn't have time to talk to them about it. So when the OB happens, it gets ugly. When Jamil rants in the middle of the transformation he calls Kalim a spoiled little girl or boy depending if they're a trans woman or man. Kalim ends up having a full blown panic attack in the desert. Floyd, Grim and Azul are not very helpful with that. Thankfully Jade and Yuu are here. The rest proceeds as usual until we get to the post fight. Jamil is confronted with the realization that he doesn't hate Kalim, and that he also didn't want to out him like that and that had been a major dick move. They have a lot to talk about. Cater and Lilia when they learned what happened and how Kalim got outed are not happy. They understand that Jamil hadn't meant to do it and that's he's trying not to be an ass about it, but he clearly doesn't know how to be supportive either. (In the sense that besides intimidating any transphobe that might try to pull shit after winter break, he doesn't know what to do). So they give him a little hell but they also give him pointers so that Kalim doesn't have to deal with too much bs at once. Jamil is on thin ice.

The story could end with an heartfelt talk where JamiKali reconcile/confess and a cut to their future together or it could be prolonged to book 5. Vil who is canonically a lot more fluid with gender (see the posts about the pronouns he used in Japanese among other things) could be an interesting add on, but it's mostly the cohabitation that would make the evolution of their relationship more natural and interesting. The VDC would be an occasion for the both of them to regain control of their public image : Jamil wants people to forget about winter break while Kalim could use it to present as the gender they identify as. They'd have the support of the rest of the tribe with Yuu, Vil and Rook offering a bit more wisdom than the rest, and Grim, Ace, Deuce and Epel being a bit clueless but ready to throw hands if needed. Epel might have a lot of question to ask Kalim because he also struggles with how people perceive him and how he wants to be perceived. It might also force Vil to recognize and respect Epel's boundaries more.

So yeah, lots of potential there!

#ask #jamikali #twisted wonderland #trans Kalim

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the-guilty-writer · 11 months

Text

Criminal Minds PRIDE Fics

Well, it's the end of Pride Month. Thank you to everyone who entered fics, new or old (or both)! This was my first time hosting a writing challenge and the amount of love surrounding it was truly incredible. From the range of writers who participated, to the the types of fics, it shows just how broad this community spans. I hope all of you are well, and safe, and know that you are extremely loved ❤.

This list is not exhaustive by any means. There are many other LGBTQ+ Criminal Minds fics out there, these are just the entries for the challenge. If you have a late entry (I know I do) don't be afraid to send it in! If you sent in a fic and it is missing, let me know that too!

Please let me know if you have issues with the accessibility of this list for any reason (I used fun colors again). I am happy to provide you with an accessible format.

(once again, my favorite CM Pride gif which is actually part of a set that I need to track down and reblog later)

Fics are under the cut!

Reader Insert Fics:

Note: I tried my best to indicate reader traits to make it easier to find fics. If you find any of these to be inaccurate, please let me know and I will edit it to be correct

Spencer Reid

(In)visible by @foxy-eva: (fem!reader, bisexual!reader) There are a lot of obstacles you had to face as a queer woman but you never thought that falling in love with a man was one of them.

Bigotry Kills by @staygoldsquatchling02: (trans masculine non-binary!reader) While on a case in Tennessee, Spencer and Y/N accidentally reveal that Y/n is transgender to an unsub who has made it his mission to ride his small town of people he views as “less than himself”.

Ocean by @cinnamon-lesbian: (intersex!fem!reader) The reader can’t seem to love herself. Spencer lets her in on how amazing she really is.

I'd Better Ask Emily by Gill: (daughter!reader, lesbian!reader) When Spencer goes looking for your school notebook and accidentally reads your diary instead he goes to the BAU bisexual badass for help.

Emily Prentiss

Freedom-Seeking Hearts by @/foxy-eva: (fem!reader) For how much longer will Emily Prentiss and Fem!Reader be able to contain their freedom-seeking hearts?

Jennifer Jareau

Somewhere Underlined by @railingsofsorrow: (fem!reader) jennifer jareau would be the death of you someday, you know that and you'd probably let her. surprisingly, you weren't aware that you caused that same reaction on her, too.

Aaron Hotchner

So Much by Gill: (teen!reader) reader comes out to their dad as gay and his reaction is not what they expected.

---

Character x Character Fics:

Aaron Hotchner x Derek Morgan

second chance by @masterwords: It's time for Hotch to tell Jack about his relationship with Derek. He's understandably concerned that it could go bad, but hopefully nothing some chocolate chip pancakes won't help. (Spoiler Alert: It doesn't go bad. There are some rough patches here but this is a story with a happy ending.)

Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Love can rise out of the ashes by @satchels-and-socks: Spencer is heartbroken after Maeve. Spencer locks himself away and becomes a shell of his formal self. Derek realized something and is determined to show Spencer that life goes on and how someone other than Maeve is truly in love with him.

Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss

The Way You Felt by @andiebeaword: While on a flight to help Spencer, exes J.J. and Emily ultimately come to terms with their buried feelings.

Jennifer Jareau x Tara Lewis

Soft & Sweet by @/foxy-eva: A confession between JJ and Tara leads to a night full of soft and sweet moments. (includes smut, 18+, minors DNI)

Emily Prentiss x Clara Seger

I Felt a Million Things When I First Met You by @baubeautyandthegeek: The one where Emily finally comes clean about just how come Clara’s always so willing to help.

Spencer Reid x Aaron Hotchner

There Are Secrets That We Still Have Left To Find (on Ao3) by @starzzyeyed: Spencer Reid is seven years old the first time he comes out to anyone. Three times Spencer comes out, across three different points in his life, all with three very different outcomes.

#criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds x gn!reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fluff #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss fluff #spencer reid #emily prentiss #derek morgan #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #aaron hotchner #tara lewis

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thebottomfromhell · 5 months

Note

Hi! How are you? Sorry if I'm annoying but I had a request: headcanons where the reader is a partner of the upper moons and tells them that he is a trans guy (what I mean is that when the reader started dating them he was a girl but then he started to feel identified as a guy and decided to tell his partner).

I apologize in advance if you don't understand the request ;(((

I understood perfectly what you meant, and I love the request. This is perfect for my first Trans! Reader requests, thank you for asking me this. It's not annoying at all!

Also F/N would be for the female name, while Y/N would be the male name or nickname.

In the end this was a bit rushed and it disn't work out as I would want it, hopefully I will get to write this topic again and better

Trans! Masc! Human Reader confesses their gender to S/O (already together) Uppermoon

Warnings: Mentioned Cannibalism, Transphobia (mostly due misinformarion and such), Heterocisnormativity (most characters don't know or understand 1what being transgender is), Mentioned Gyokko's art, Yandere-like character, Mentioned body dysphoria, Implied sexual content, and Slight dirty-talking (nothing big, just teasing).

Gyutaro:

"Gyutaro?" You start, calling up for hisattention as you look somewhere else. He can sense you are not facing him, so he just gives you a side-eye, paying attention while you get to have more space. "What is it, ne?" Gyutaro knows something is off, you normaly are not like this, afraid of telling him things. Part of him fears he did something wrong or that you can't stand it anymore, that you want to leave... "Ne, what's wrong F/N?" He does his best to ignore the "you" in the back of his mind as he faces you fully, really needing the answer, even if he might not like it.

You take a deep breath, calm yourself, you can do it. You can trust Gyutaro, he probably will be confused, probably a bit skepctic, but it will be fine. Really, you can do it. In the count of three: one, two, t- "I'm a man." No, wait! That was too fast! You were supposed to be more clear, to explain, you were making an speach in your head and just lost it! Gyutaro looks at you a bit weirded out. "Like... ne, an Onnagata?" You try to make yourself smaller as you blush "More like the other way around..." Except you don't want to pass out as a man, you are a man. Your body just... it's not helpful. You loathe that but you can work with that, you have done it all your life, and will be able to deal with it.... right now you actually want support...

"Oh...." He just says because, not gonna lie, he doesn't get it. You... wear always unisex clothes and ne never really paid attention to whenever you were femenine or not. You haven't done anything yet, so Gyutaro never knew your body-type. He just figured you were... odd, not what you should be. He has also felt... odd, too. Uncomfortable under his own skin, the one he scratches so hard. He saw that in you and didn't think anything about it. "Ok." He simply says, leaving you to process it.

""Ok"? That's all you're gonna say?" You expected... something, anything, not just a "ok". He scratches the back of his neck a bit unconfortable. "Ne, give me a break. What else am I meant to say, man?" You open your mouth only to stop talking, an "ok" is a better reaction from what you were expecting, so you force yourself to calm down, even if you are a bit... lost at it. "No, nothing. Emn.... would you mind calling me Y/N from now on?" He justs looks at you, very confused, he doesn't understand it, but still knows enough of how you feel to know you need his support right now, that you need him to listen. "Sure, ne.....Y/N.... nice name, ne." it will take him time to get used to it, but he is here for you no matter what. "Thank you, Gyutaro." He justs nods and looks away bashful, but stays.

Gyokko:

It's hard to say how Gyokko will react, considering... everything. There are chances he might support it, body dysphoria is a topic he loves a lot (thoughz he mostly uses that topic in his art through torture and amputation). There are also chances he might want to leave you for it, since he started a relationship with a woman, and Gyokko hates not being informed of things with time. It's a paradox, without the time that would make him mad you would not be able to get the trust and courage to tell him, so since you didn't tell him before or when you started the relationship... you really have no idea how he will react.

"Gyokko?" You start.... starting, not really knowing what to say right now but not being able to... not tell, it hurts that he doesn't know. Right now he is working on a new pot, so it's just a hmn to show he is listening all you get. You have no idea if that is for better or worse, but not having to make eye comtact calms you a little (specially considering you never know what eye you should be looking at). "I'm a man." He stops for a seconds, he will definetely be mad he lost concentration, but for now he is not reacting.

It takes him a while to pull apart from the pot to look at you, head to feet and back forward, three times. Then he looks at you face, somehow lost. ".... You don't look like one." Ok, that... that was not what you wanted to hear, it... it's a bit dissapointing but you can also get Gyokko's confusion as he tilts his head. You want to explain it, but... you really can't, you have no idea how to make him, the one who is the most comfortable with himself, how you are not. How you don't want to be the you that you should have been by birth, so you just look away. "You made me loose concentration." He decides to change the topic.

He goes back into painting the pot, or at least trying as you both remain in silence. The brush has not even touched the ceramics yet, but he can't go back to the idea he had before you talked to him. In the end he just let the materials to one side an goes back with you. "What do you want to do about... this?" He vaguely gestures you in the last part, clearly not wanting to deal with this but his mind not giving him other choice. "By starters... I would like to be treated as a man...." It takes him a while for that to sink in, only to cough nerviously when he does. "Ok... ok, I can do that." It's not ideal, but it's a start.

Hantengu:

There is something you want to tell him, something important, he can tell. He can tell there is a problem but Hantengu doesn't want to address it, too afraid to do so. Is it about him? Did you do something wrong? Did you get tired of him? You don't want to leave him, fo you? He doesn't want you to leave. "Hantengu..." he squeals scared, starting sobbing almost inmediately when he hears you. He doesn't like that tone. "F-F-F/N?" He sees you grimace and he wanta to cry harder. You ARE going to leave him! He can't tell you just... hate that name, that you can't stand it anymore, specially not from him, someone you care about so much.

"I need to tell you something." You don't look at him, part of you feeling guilty for it. You know he is sensitive, that he always needs as much resourance as possible, but... it's hard. You just want him to... to know who you are, who treat you the way you need. Both of you are in their own torments, waiting for the other to explode. You can't leave him, he won't let you! Hantengu trembles violently as you sigh to speak again, he won't let you leave. You will try but he won- "I'm a man."

.... eh? ".... eh?" He blinks a few times, stopping crying..... eh? What? You are a man? He thought.... eh? But you have always been.... eh? "This... this is so confusing...." his brain was in middle of a breakdown just before, it csn't take such an important information right now. "I know. I know. I will explain it... when I can... but I really would like to... be treated as a man?" Hantengu really is not understanding anything at all. How can you be a man? Without him knowing? Is there anything else he doesn't know?

Still, he is too tired from the emotional rollercoaster and will not fight it further, that should be Aizetsu's and Sekido's problem. ".... ok..." he answers quietly, not looking at you, but you aporeciate he is willing to try. "Ok... that you, Hantengu." He justs nods... it's very akward....

Sekido:

Part of you wants to pretend that Sekido, your partner, will take it well, that he will be understanding and supportive. The other part of you is more realistic on the fact that you can't forget he is the anger clone. He will probably come to accept it, but... Sekido will get angry, angrier, irritated, indignant, infuriated. To be honest that is why you basically wait until you just... explode to tell him, because you couldn't stand anymore being treated as if you were a woman, to be called that or other fem terms. You can't, it's not you, and it hurts the fact that the one you love is not seeing you, but someone else in you, someone you don't want to exist.

"Sekido... Sekido, just... please, I promise I was not hiding anything, I just didn't know how to tell you but I can't! I just can't continue like this." You basically ramble one night he finds you panicking of what to say and how to say it. "Shut up." He growls as he tries his best to calm you down, rubbing your back, giving you a piece of clothe as you are near crying, getting you to sit somewhere comfortable. Sekido loves you, he shows it, and that is what it makes it hard. "I'm a man."

"Are you fucking shitting me right now?" Is the first thing he says after you calm down, but you can see he is, as always, angry. "The fuck you mean you are a man? You think now is the time to mess with me?!" You switch in between looking away and looking at Sekido, not wanting to face his anger now but also not wanting to run away from this. "I-I'm not! Sekido, I'm a man! I don't want you to keep treating me as if I was a woman anymore!" You raise your voice, only scalating into am argument because of that. You both just... fight until he leaves. Thankfully, that lets you both calm down, and it's Sekido the one who reaches out for you this time.

"Fine. Have it your way." It's a bit difficult for him to adapt to the new you, specially since he would not have treated you as differently as one might have thought with you being a man. At first it was easier to irritate him, then he got used to it. "Y/N! You little shit! What have you done now?!" He is still himself and letting you be yourself around him, you really can't ask for more.

Karaku:

You pride yourself of knowing Karaku, of knowing parts of him he usually doesn't show. Parts that are caring, concerned, honest, and sometimes even vulnerable. Right now? You have no idea how he will react, you don't think he will be mad or anything but... it's something big. You are more afraid that he might not believe you or take it as a joke, but... you want him to know. You need him to know, it hurts that he doesn't. "Karaku... we need to talk." He looks at you confused before chuckling as he leans into you, his arm over your shoulders. "Why the long face, F/N? Is something wrong, hot-stuff? Something you need to put a bit of pleasure over?"

He laughes against your ear after the innuendos, with how close he is, and all the flirt, almost passed through the fact that he called you by that name. At least this time he didn't call you "princess", ypu hate it when he does. Sometimes he slips, since ypu have told him, but he is trying. Hopefully he will try with this too. "Karaku, this is serious. Listen to me before you keep playing around, ok?" He just looks at you staying in place, grinning as he waits for you to speak, raising an eyebrow to show his curiousity. "I'm a man." Suddenly his weight is less over you and the smirk is gone into a confused face, you both stay in silence for a while.

You were about to open your mouth to try again, but Karaku is faster. "Ohhhhhhh. That explains some things. It makes sense!" He starts laughing again before he puts his mouth close to your ear. "Is this why you are so bashful? Would you prefer for me to call you a good boy, handsome?" He whispers and honestly? You can't help but blush and lean into it, making Karaku laugh a bit more before keep going "Tell me, Hot-stuff. Would you like to be Baby boy or Daddy?" Ok, you have no idea if he was serious or not, but you bust into laughing.

"How about you just call me Y/N?" He smiles while you relax. "Sure, I can do that." And he does slip from ypur other name time to time, but he understands the quest pretty well. He does treat you like a man and you don't have to worry about how he views you, specially since he tries to be as helpful as he can. "We should get you more man-like clothing too, might as well steal something for you. What do you think, babe?" You are nothing but grateful that Karaku supports you fully.

Urogi:

"Urogi.... there is something I must tell you..." You have been wanting to tell him, genuinely having no idea on how he would react. Urogi himself probably wouldn't know if asked an hypothetical case, with how spontanoues he is. He might take it good, hemight take it badly, and it's impossible to know which one before it actually happens. But you comfort yourself, being aware that, as the joy clone, he has no reason to be angry about it. He will definetely be confused, but not angry. "Yes, F/N?"

He looks at you happily as he reacts to your call, it would be endearing if he was not using that name. The name of a woman, it hurts to hear it from his mouth, the name of someone that is not you from the person you love. Sometimes you wish you could be just that, that it would be as simple as Urogi views life, but... it's at the very least uncomfortable. So of course you would not have been able to deal with it forever. "I'm a man..." You say as Urogi tilts his head to the side.

"You are a man? But F/N is a girl's name. And you fon't look like a man." You pretend that didn't hurt as much as it did, specially since Urogi is not being malicious, he is just asking questions, like he usually does. But the fact that there is no reaction at all... it's disappointing. One part of you is relieved by the way he is taking it, another one... expected something more, for him to act as it's... something. Instead you just explain things to him. "Does that mean I should call you something else? A boy's name?" But... neverless... "That would be nice. I was thinking about Y/N..."

Urogi suddenly gets excited from nowhere, wings opening and moving cheerfuly. "Yes! That is a nice name! I will make sure to remember it! Y/N! Y/N!" He seems to be taking things too well... "Don't you care that I'm not a woman?" You feel the need to ask because of that, but he only shakes his head before starting again. "Y/N is Y/N! Nothing else matters." Your heartbeat speeds up a little... you really love this Bird Brain. "Yeah... you are right." Urogi chuckles and leans into you, happy to be told he was right. He really is the best.

Aizetsu:

Aizetsu has always been the calmed and sensible one of the clones, never overreacting over anything (even if you feel he actually underreacts sometimes). He is a comfortable person to be around and you would dare to say he is the most empathic of the clones (even if he has his own way, as a demon, to show it). Part of you is scolding yourself for not telling him, for not trust this into him sooner. You can't even understand why you would be afraid, or at least nervious, to tell him if you know he won't be reacting badly. Why is it so difficult? Why does it has to be such a big deal? "Aizetsu?" You call him, so he turns his face to look at you, listening without saying anything.

The silence is usually reasuring, this time is not, but even if he realizes that you are hesitating, Aizetsu doesn't move or say anything, trying to give you space until you say you want otherwise. You take some deep breaths as you scold yourself again, why are you making it such a big deal? He won't react badly. "I'm... I'm a man...." There. You said it... you said it. But Aizetsu still doesn't move or say anything, he just looks at you puzzled that you have to keep reminding yourself that he doesn't have it in him to react bad. Aizetsu is mostly... thinking.

"... I feel sad... and confused. How can you be a man? Why are you saying this now?" He does believe you, but he has no idea what it means. He knows the body you have, the body you had to overcome resenting because it was not created into your true self. "I just needed you to know. I want to be treated as a man." You need to be treated as a man, for others to understand who you are. Aizetsu only keeps the sad puzzled face for a while as he keeps thinking it. "You don't like being a woman?" He makes the question, really needing to understand it. You can only shake your head, you have no idea how to properly explain it with words but... it's not you, being a woman is not being yourself and you can't stand it anymore.

After some moments of silence, Aizetsu speaks again. "Ok, I'll treat you like a man from now on, it will take me some time to get used to it though. Should I also call you differently or something?" See? He is taking it well, you calm yourself further with deep breath before answering. "I would prefer to go by Y/N." He only nods at that, but it's ok. It will be ok.

Nakime:

Nakime has always been a no-nonsense demon, as a human she couldn't have as much control over things as she had now, she didn't have the money or the power to do so, but now? Now she has the Infinity Castle, where she can control everything in any way she wants. But of course, there are some things that are even beyond her. For starters, she is still obeying a master, who she is loyal to, but that sets her under someone else's command. There is also you, while she can control every room, every corridor, every entrance, exit, wall, door, floor, ceiling, air, even the gravity with her biwa, she can't change you nor control how you feel about yourself.

She knows that something is off, and dhe has tried her best to comfort you with no avail. This attemps of her actually made you try to just... ignore it. To pretend you are ok as long as you have Nakime, not wanting to risk what you both have. She has been worried and concerned, always trying her best to make you feel better, which has making you feel guilty, honestly. And there is this sense of hurt building up in your chest, feeling axphyxiated by this... you that is not you, but is being forced upon you, if that makes sense.

"What do you mean by "I'm a man"?" You end up telling her when, once again, she was trying to help you, to comfort you as she could. But... it still frustrated you, and it came so hard to appreciate it, creating again thise sense of guilt, when she was treating you, talking to you as if you were a woman. "I... I mean I'm a man. I want to be treated as such... I can't continue to be F/N... I'm sorry." You want to explain further, but you have no idea how, even if it's unsatifying the feeling that Nakime is not fully u derdtanding it. "You realize this is something big, right? This is not what I was prepared to deal with." Yes, you do, but you can't bring yourself to tell her.

After some minutes without saying anything, silence filled with her biwa, making the moment a bit less tense as she thinks... you don't really want to lose this. "I'll still help you with everything, I wouldn't be able to just leave you but... I want to give us a break, give me a break. I hope you can understand that I need to think of what I want." You can, unfortunately. Part of you feels betrayed, but you can't express it, specially with how many effort Nakime has put into you. "Do.... do you want to be alone?" You shake your head, even as you feel you will start crying, but she lets you stay while hiding it, only focusing in playing her biwa. You have to remind yourself... it could be worse.

Akaza:

You are aware that Akaza treats women differently from what he treats men. He can fight, kill and eat men, but for some reason he can't bring himself to do the same with women, and everytime you try to bring that up... he can't. He physically can't tell you anything. It's frustrating for both of you, but lastly... it's a bit hurtful. You scold yourself, why would you want such a powerful demon to be able to attack you? Shouldn't you be happy that because you are safe, he would never hurt you? It's stupid! Against survival insticts! And yet...

You just want to be treated like a man, be treated in a way that makes you comfortable with who you are. Is that too much to ask? Only because you were born in this body. Sometimes you just want to accept the offer that Akaza always makes, the one to turn you into a demon, that you would forget about this feeling of wrongness, that the transformations and mutations in your flesh would burry your sex and gender. There is even the chance that your body might change in a way that favors you in that regard, to make you bigger, stronger, to get rid of your breast. But you don't want to be a demon...

"Akaza? There is something I need to tell you." You start, gaining his attention, a worried expression coming into his face. "Are you ok? Did something happen? Did somebody hurt you?" His paranoia kicks in, but you shake your head before telling him. "" there is only 15 seconds of silence with his face puzzled before he speaks again. "... I already knew?" wut? "What do you mean by "I already knew"?" He looks at you as if trying to find words to explain. "I just knew?! Like, you don't feel or act like a woman? Your fighting spirit is definetely not from one!" What? "Then why do you treat me like a woman?! As if I was fragile or weak?!" "I don't treat you like a woman! I just promised to protect you!" No he didn'- oh... oh, is his thing.... oh.

Now that you think about it, he never uses your female name... yeah, he definetely knew. Why does that make it so akward. "Em... would you be able to call me Y/N from now on?" He also looks uncomfortable, probanly trying ro remember when did he make that promisa, but nods anyway. "Of course. Of course. Anything for you." .... Why was this supposed to be complicated in the first place? Then again, to spar is still out of question, and it probably will unless you become a demon... you'll see through it.

Douma:

Douma is just waiting for you to confess. You have been together for a while and he can tell there is something you want, crave, to tell him but you haven't. Some of his followers are like that too, shy to tell him all their problems and burden, but at the end of it they always do it, crying and kneeling before Douma. Most of the time he doesn't really care, but he is curious of what could get you like this, since most of the time you are willing to tell him things you don't tell to others. "Douma?" You start, needing to tell him but not really wanting to. "Is there a reason for that long face, F/N?"

It's not that you don't trust him or think he will react bad, but... you don't know how to tell him what you feel, how you can't find yourself in... well, in your body, in your reflection, in any expectations people have in you because of how you were born. The more you think about it, the more tragic it becomes, but... you don't want to tell him a sob story, you want him to see you as who you are... without spilling out like his followers do, to make it sound... bad or painful the fact that you hate the identity that was forced upon you at birth. So "I'm a man..." that is all you say. "I see."

Douma has been more than a century alive doing the same thing, listening to other people's problems, and more than once someone came, crying over resenting their body and gender, about wanting to be something, someone, they simply did not born like. It's not something that comes every week or so, but he knows what is going on. "F/N is a woman's name though, we must find something else for you." He doesn't get it, he doesn't really want to, and could not even begin to phanton what you are feeling right now, but he knows about it, so he knows what you want him to say. That is what you actually feared.

"Y/N...." You answer him, not completely satisfied but not wanting to explain yourself further. You don't want this confession to make things different, yo make you just like another follower. "Y/N is it, then. What a charming name! I'll ask the staff to change your wardrobe into something more masculine. You can wear my clothes in the meantime." But again, Douma just... doesn't feel anything about it.

Kokushibou:

It's been a few days, a bit more than a week, with your usual silent momenta together suddenly being.... uncomfortable. For once he gains the courage to address it, since it seema there ia something you want to say but are constantly hesitating. That is usually his role in the relationship, so he eventually got too worried to just ignore it. "What is it?" He aks firmly, regretting it the after 74 straight seconds passed and you didn't answer even though you clearly heard it. This is one of the few times the silence is unconfortable to him, is there a way to take it back?

"Do you promise to take it seriously?" You know Kokushibou will not joke about your situation, but... you have no idea if he will believe you. You really love him but... he is a nightmare to be with. Always too worried about roles, including hierarchy and gender. You want him to acknowledge who you are, not a woman in his life. You have been actually thinking on breaking up because of it. "... I can try." He is honest with you, and... you want to give it a chance. He genuinely can't promise you to answer as you would like him too, but he can try. You have to see if trying is enough for you, because it has never been for Michikatsu him.

"I'm a man." You would have liked that to ne more firm, more "manly", but right now you just... need to see if you can be vulnerable in fron of Kokushibou. Now he is the onw to stay quiet for longer than needed to have some response, any response at all. "You are?" He is really bad at this, at feelings. He has always been, but because he was a male samurai nobody asked him to be emotionally mature, but to repress and hide his feelings. "I am." You feel the need to confirm it, for him to accept it, whenever he accepts you or not.

"Alright." Kokushibou justs says after a long pause before leaving. Fuck, he is scaping, you should have expected that. It will be some days before he talks to you again. "How... how should I call you now?" He is actually putting effort into it, you didn't expect that. While he is distancing himself, whenever he comes around he is more open. "Call me Y/N." You can work with that.

#demon slayer #kny #upper moons #kny x reader #trans reader #trans masc reader #karaku #urogi #aizetsu #sekido #hantengu #gyutaro #gyokko #nakime #akaza #douma #kokushibou

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davekat-sucks · 28 days

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I left and rejoined the fandom a few times because of strange fan behavior and the fact the story was just not fun anymore and it fizzled out. The last time I left the fandom was because everyone made John into June and I didn’t understand what made him seem like a girl. when I asked someone, in a genuine way, and not in a trolling way, that someone I asked told me “John’s always been feminine. He’s super compassionate!” I was so angry at that. I remember that was the only time I was fuming over the fandom. That’s when it hit me. Being a girl to these people is being nice and compassionate! It’s just personality traits! Being a girl is a look, a fashion trend, a lifestyle to adopt! I starting to think that being transgender might just be a big joke to these people. That or I was being trolled but I was on the Offical June Stans tumblr page (no I don’t remember what it was called)

I was fuming so much I was ready to be done with Homestuck entirely but then I saw how many people thought that John’s depression and suicidal out look on life was so trans! It made me even more angry! Being trans meant being suicidal and isolating yourself! Then they went off about how Reality Doesn’t Feel Real to John which is also super trans and not just the protagonist of the story noticing he lives in a story.

Dissociating from reality and being mentally ill was what they made being trans out to be.

It was a BIG slap to the face for me. A wake up call that all the support I was pouring, not into HS but into my ideology, was a lie. I realized I was contributing to hurting people. Hurting the people I thought I was helping at it hurt me so bad. I was angry at how the queer community was destroying its own members. I am so thankful for the Homestuck fandom though, why, because it showed me the depths of the lie I was brought up to believe. That kids who grew up online are just malleable tools that can be brought up to believe in anything. We could destroy peoples careers, we could harass content creators into saying “trans rights” all while ignoring that trans rights were giving puberty blockers to teenage girls. Fun fact… did you know that teenage girls need estrogen in their system to have their spine fuse together as they grow. Now we have paralyzed kids. Now we have a high fail rate of bottom surgeries.

If I’m not mistaken didn’t you just describe the plot of Y12000 not too long ago. That is what I mean. These people think that this is activism. This is something to be proud of. I hesitate to call anything evil but this is the closest thing to it I can think of. Getting children to believe that this is what progress is. Destroy peoples bodies and minds. The worst part is is that we can’t get these people to wake up and see what is going on around them. If i speak up, I am the one who is evil. I am the one who is trying to hurt people. If I could help, I would. The only thing I do now is try to talk about positive things because I know what it is like to be in the depths. But every so often I need to say this. I am so deeply saddened by the fact that fandom is a tool used to hurt us all. Activism is a wonderful thing but now it’s been taken over by a belief system that soon will crumble from all the medical scandals.

Now anyone reading this might think I am a transphobe. No. I think that transsexualism is a thing, but most everyone actually trans says transsexual when referring to themselves. These new trans people are just making stuff up like “egg” and “xir” and disrespecting real trans people. I follow someone named Dimitri Monroe. He is bullied constantly for being a feminine man but not being trans. They call him trans and want him to realize that he is an egg that needs to hatch. I don’t know if it is because they need him to fit in the perfect little box they made for all feminine men to be in or because they want to make him into a sex object. Some times people online view trans women as breeding stalk and it’s so sexist and demeaning.

Okay I wanted to add this to what I wrote up,

Now I see that people are making June “VirskaMaxxx” which I assume means roleplaying as a girl he likes. I saw someone say something on here about Virska wanting to be like Mindfang, I don’t understand how their minds work anymore and I don’t have the stomach for it anymore. All I see here is people who think trans people are just role playing women. Trans people are playing make believe. What is anyone supposed to think in response to this? Being trans was just a fad. Being trans is like being mentally ill?

And those who disagree that are part of a certain minority group, they are outed as things like traitors, apologists, or faking their sexuality/race. It's crazy people are using stuff like the word coon ironically at another black person that does not agree with the rest of the community. The With Us or Against Us mentality has taken it to the extreme. Some don't realize that what they are enforcing is toxic positivity. Even too much of a good thing can be just as harmful. They would also subconsciously act similar to ones they hate. Like they say they hate pedophiles, but then they tell minors that sex work is fine to do. People should also be aware of the effects or reasons why the world works as it is. Like consuming too much cholesterol can cause harm to the body both short and long term if not treated. Some really have started to think science is bogus if it goes against the feelings. It just reminds me of religious fucks who dismiss science and say God is the reason why x thing happens. But instead of God, it's the overconfidence that they they believe their own words is true and everyone else is against them. People are also really reaching for something to be like an allegory for it being about trans. It's like people who read a book, book describes about a curtain being blue, and someone thinks it is about depression, when it's not and just an obvious observation to give an idea of what someone has in a building. Interpretation can be fine, but sometimes the thing is what it is and doesn't have to be that deep.

#homestuck #homestuck fandom #fandom #fandoms

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