#you don't have to read this is just. me venting i guess

[dead-core]

craving validation from exactly the wrong person. slay

#bpd #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd feels #bpd vent #bpd mood #girl you can't just do this every time you want to talk to someone and they don't read your mind and text you #how to explain to people that i am not just insane in love relationships i'm insane about everyone i know and they are not an exception #baby i have wild and insane platonic abandonment issues too (friends with that guy again but we will absolutely never be as close as before) #codependent best friendship where other person gets pissy and decides not to be my friend all the time #losing my best friend over and over #sometiems bc i was being a bitch but sometimes bc i shared too much about my mental health or said the wrong thing #never knowing what the emotional support threshold is or what the new wrong thing could be #and i was insane and way too attached like codependence has such a nasty side when it's not mutual anymore #and i'm WORKING ON SHIT and taking my favorite people off their pedestals and blah blah blah #anyway guess that still has me fucked up

[jessicas-pi]

it's actually, genuinely, honestly hilarious that in a fandom where popular ships include characters who are biologically related, characters with a 10+ year age gap who met when one was a teenager or even a child, and characters who have tried to kill each other, people hate on a friends-to-lovers ship with a <2 year age gap where the characters have a deep emotional bond and plenty of romantic subtext, because "they're siblings". my brother in the force they are literally not.

#i'm just saying. out of all the ships in the star war; sabine and ezra have one of the healthiest dynamics #right up there with kanera and bail and breha and obitine and maybe a few others. there are SO few 'problems' with it. #not that those 'problems' make a ship BAD when it's written well or in certain context. #just that out of all the ships to pick on; people choose THIS one????? #the one with character growth and found family and mutual respect?? #the one with self-sacrifice and decades-long loyalty and obitine parallels and a jetpack chase scene???? #what's there to hate??? #and i would add a disclaimer about how if you dont ship them its fine as long as you dont bully but honestly? #i am so so tired of having to qualify my statements. #this is about the targeted hate. this has always been about the targeted hate. #and i don't care if someone loathes something i love as long as they they keep that loathing out of my personal space. #this has been a tag rant. thank you for reading. #btw i'm not being sarcastic about it being hilarious. it genuinely cracks me up to see people get SO hateful over this #for a reason that does not exist #as opposed to several other ships which DO IN FACT HAVE THAT OBJECTION. #like. oh my gosh. are you even listening to yourselves. #if u wanna have the don't-ship-siblings fight then puhLEEZE bring it to someone who ships siblings. #jessica's controversial star wars opinions #sabezra #(don't worry that this post is a vent because i'm getting bullied or anything. im not visible enough for that i guess lol) #it was written in humor not in hurt :)

[ndostairlyrium]

We did it Carla, you got avenged!

#playing replaying #I always start with the northern hunter she's the least problematic dragon of the game for me lol #now let's pray for ankh's liver for a moment #she doesn't drink like at all #but I had to do the following cutscene with bull to celebrate it because if you don't drink you don't deserve closure with your companion #when it comes to something relevant for the both of you #I know it's not too deep and I'm totally projecting but #I don't think it's fair? I should be able to listen to him talk and sip some tea or whatever instead of having alcohol #'u don't wanna celebrate with alcohol? you're no fun go away' #wasn't bull one of the most understanding characters in the game tho lol #I guess we're drawing the line when it comes to alcohol #sry to those who read my tags I just found out and I had to vent for a moment lol

[katyspersonal]

When I blew up at A after she defended a person who harassed me and my friends, I apologized to her not even a day later, very genuinely and owning up to how she didn't need my shit, unprompted by anything but just feeling guilty and then when it seemed that she didn't forgive me and stopped interacting, I apologized again and broke mutuals to leave her alone. And not only she didn't forgive me - she faked being cool with me, she has been faking it for like 40 days, she lied in my face that she didn't blame me and only has been interacting less because of "being busy and fandom-shifting" and then as soon as she saw a chance to get rid of me when her ableist fujo friend threw a fit about me, she just backstabbed us. In a vile way, like a rat, walking behind my back and finally throwing me under the bus, believing that she saw the last of me and so she would not have to play the role of "understanding and forgiving" person when in reality her ego is so fragile she could not take the L of ONE negative interaction. Not the first time someone sees me as a tumor on an otherwise healthy body and is desperate to cut me off from my friends/community/whatever.

But when she "apologized" to me, she only did that when it became apparent that I didn't leave and nor my friends were okay with her betrayal, she was prompted by learning that I vented about her in my blog and not by actual regret, her apology was fake as fuck with the whole "well but you can see where I came from you made me uncomfy by liking me TOO much anyhow it is not healthy because online friendships are not real uwu :((((((" and she did not even have the balls to let me react and talk it all out, blocking me instantly after that DM. Yet when I of course did not accept this, she got mad at me for making it harder for her or shit like that. Did not help that she kept LYING. She said Alfred-chan was not the one harassing us because "well I messaged them and they said they didn't do that :(" (something tells me you will never become a detective, A) but when the truth was exposed A claimed that she always knew it were them? Then when she seized the chance to get rid of me without consequences and betrayed us but I didn't leave, she pretended that she "only wanted the truth".

I really hate the ongoing insult for my intelligence like I don't see whats up. I hate how she believed my friends would be okay with her betrayal. I hate how she tried to gaslight about "I just cut off a person that made me uncomfortable" when betrayal ain't it lol. She had ONE job: if learning that I was angry and hurt more than one time in my life was ooh-so-eye-opening, she could have just DMed me that "listen, if lashing out is something that might keep happening, I don't want to be mutuals anymore, bye" and all. Nobody forced to forgive me, nor my friends would force her to like me if she didn't. But she HAD to be a vicious snake, she was EAGER to finally push me off the cliff as soon as her fujo friend made it look like acceptable thing to do. But okay, some people lack psyop immunity, fine. She still had a chance to both apologize genuinely AND to not fucking lie to look smarter. Cowardly rat!

I just hate how strongly this situation got to me. Like... It just comes back to me when I make someone uncomfortable on accident or am rude, because after what A did I just expect that this person will never forgive me. Like, what is the point of apologizing or explaining myself? If they will NOT forgive me, if clearly I just retroactively ruined all our previous positive interactions and now they will feign being "chill" just to one day ditch me, instead of being straightforward about not being able to forgive me. But I hate it. I hate now perceiving everyone /I/ have wronged even a little bit as an enemy and a liar, that will forever have ill will towards me now. I just don't believe in people's ability to forgive or understand anymore, all because of that rat. And that hostility just makes me worse the moment I realize I made a mistake, I just want to block this person, or to yell at them to go ahead and show me that they hate me now. I just wish it could heal somehow... But, unfortunately, it is not something a time heals. It is one of those things that are only healed by certain circumstance and until then it is just there. Like a fireplace that will get fuel thrown into it, whether I want it or not. Maybe my rule to not forgive people who are not sorry is not helping.. I don't know, I just don't know.

#/vent #/betrayal #/paranoia #personal #/negative #lmao somehow a dumb videogame and my other friend having been screwed by a- #-vile snake just a few days ago coincided #I guess it is just a right timing to give into this bad memory again #I hate it though #alao by a small chance you are reading this: #consider not peeking into a blog of a person you don't wanna interact with? #and if someone tells on me TO you: consider telling them to stop? #if you do not understand why backstabbing is a BIG deal idk what else to tell ypu

[garfield-milk]

if i see one more straight woman writing only mlm romances im going to set myself on fire

#girl shut the fuck up you don't know shit #i don't know why is this considered a controversial take #look im not saying that every gay romance book written by straight woman is bad #not at all ive read a lot of them and yrah they are good #but i want queer books that connect with querr people and their experiences #at least withe mine #i guess that's the problem to me #idk im just annoyed because id love to have more queer media to chose from #queer books either feel not deep enough of too political #i just want queer people falling in love and being queer #i guess that why i prefer film (EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NOT THAT MUCH QURER CINEMA EITHER) #look im bisexual and i should enjoy hey romance but i just don't #that's not me #uhhskskd #im just being annoying im sorry but i hate it #i have to look around for days to find good queer media #and then theres 4000000 shitty straight Christmas fils that are the same #I WANT MY 300000 GAY SHITTY ROMCOM MOVIES..... #uuujjjfjkkkkk #sorry again #vent post #kinda #in the tags #jesus i hate straight people #ok andres shut the fuck up in the tags challenge go #also idc that much about woman writing mlm romances it's just that ... #they sre usually so... dull #and sometimes kinda fetishizing #ughh

[alicethebard]

.

#vent post #you know how it goes #read or don't #respond or don't #this is mostly for me #though I am very happy for all of my irl friends and mutuals and such that are in stated relationships #I can't help but feel envious of them #because though I've talked to and gotten know and done various things with a bunch of people on here #I've had tons of great fun and my life is better for knowing and interacting with these people #I'm still single I guess #it's not even like I don't have people who maybe if I brought it up they would say yes or if they brought it up I would say yes #it's that if I'm the one who has to initiate it even if I think there is a higher than likely chance of it going well #I'm so scared to #I've been rejected unanimously throughout my life every single time I have tried to either start something up or make something official #and I don't know how many more times I can take that before I just give up on the idea #I am a hopeless romantic who has never had someone be willingly and explicitly romantic with me my entire life and sure 27 isn't the oldest #but still it fucks with a girl's head #i don't know #just venting #the optimist in me says I have plenty of time #the lonely bitch in me just wants someone who I'm interested in to say i love you and wrap their arms around me #and the anxiety gremlin in me needs to shut the fuck up before I get the spray bottle #idk #i should take my meds and eat something but im out of one of my meds #fuckin hell

[microwavepopcorn]

#I don't know when the last time I washed my hair was #this one is adding a bit of my personal life into the bertgif world #I'm about to probably overshare so if you don't care to know about my lore then stop reading now lmao #I have had a ROUGH month LMAOOOOOOOO #my cat is sick and needs surgery and ive been putting literally all of my mental energy into helping him and making sure he's ok #so I've been struggling and it's been so wack bc my birthday is this month and since I'm a Leo I like to make the whole month about me(lmao #but this month I haven't been able to do that and it's just been weird and sad and it hasn't felt like my birthday #and I just havent really had anyone to vent to so I guess I'm word vomiting here #it just feels so stupid #also my basement flooded and insurance won't cover the costs to repair it and to prevent it from happening again in the future #and other rlly big stuff has happened this month that's super shitty and out of my control and it's just been a huge bummer #fjadksfjsdkjfkdsahfkdsjfkldsafjdskfjdsklfjs #i am not okay #but no I am okay #it's a bad time #not a bad life #it will pass and things will be good again #and I will keep making my silly little gifs #and doing my silly little tasks #and maybe tomorrow I will wash my hair #but maybe not #and that's ok #sorry for being depressing #bo burnham #bert gifs #bo burnham inside #bo burnham make happy #bo burnham what #egghead #robert pickering burnham

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#delete later #hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right #I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then...... #...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing #is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it? #cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a- #anyway #now it's midnight. #and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth #and never be aware again #loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel #i just want it to stop #i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel #ugh #I...... #i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these #part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable #on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck #I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now. #....I'll be fine eventually #maybe #god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh #what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore #all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of #you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could #.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted #want to be wanted. #.....sigh #.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up #so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work

[nonokoko13]

<<DNI if you shame people for having "cringe" interests>> *proceeds to shame or disrespect someone for having interest in fictional stuff they don't like instead of using the block button even though that person has done anything to anyone*

#vent??? I guess??? idk #some people is mind-blowing to me. not in the good sense #idc much about fandom discourse or whatever but the level of blindness or hypocrisy some reach is?? #like you see them telling everyone they are supportive and reality ≠ fiction but then make gymnastic levels of stretching to explain why-- #--what they like is good 👍 and everything they dislike or they're neutral of shouldn't exist and who enjoy it should kill themselves #and it doesn't even need to be something gross like this time I have seen it is because others like Kuromi more than My Melody dude wtf? 😭 #guys is it homophobic to be cishet? Because apparently according to some who support everyone of the collective being cishet is enough to-- #get blocked. If it was reversed they would get called out for their weird behaviour but ig I'm the weird one #like. One thing is blocking or putting boundaries because that's what social media is for. Curating your space is normal and it should-- #always be #but another thing is opinating [insert sexuality/gender] is 'on thin ice' for just...being on the internet??? #Idk what I was expecting from Twitter tbh. Although I see people like that in every social media #so sad and tiring #just say you don't want others to have different takes in whatever fandom you are and go. You don't need to give explanations or aact- #--like you are always objective and therefore correct #Anyway in this house we stan Kuromi and cishet people as long as they don't discriminate anyone for their gender identity or sexuality 👍 #If you have read this far I'm sorry. Seems long. Have a nice day 🫶 #and if you are wondering no that person didn't do anything to me they were talking about Kuromi/straights in general #but I felt the need to share #tw vent #edit: Seems like they did reach somebody over their interest in fandom stuff. Not surprises there #God forbid people to make their internet experience about their hobbies and interests #instead of curating THEIR OWN BLOG and thinking of what others want them to like instead #just a warning for those who like my shit. Unfortunately for you I like fictional characters being evil or morally grey as much as #fictional characters being good people #sorry guys block me if you want Imma keep using critical thinking 🤷‍♂️ #OH AND WHAT UPSETS ME THE MOST: When somebody breaks their own dni to go to somebody to tell them they suck or whatever #like????? Why would you do that if you despise x trope or thing sm???? So you want everyone to respect your boundaries except yourself???? #you just waste your own time and those you interact with by trying to create a raging conversation for all parts #fandom discourse

[musical-chick-13]

I wish I liked the books. I really, really wish I liked the books.

#like I don't. dislike them. #I just. the way the prose is written is tedious on a level I have rarely experienced #they were a SLOG getting through to the point where I'm not even sure how much I remember about the differences between the books and the #show. like I do remember that some of the characters I was less interested in during the show felt more complete in the books. and some of #the politics were tighter. but like. straight-up I cannot read these last 2 if they ever come out. I can't do it. #I love the characters but the actual writing style makes my brain cry #and it's just so frustrating to hear 'but the books are so much BETTER' because like yeah I guess on some level they are but I CAN'T FUCKIN #READ THEM. AND ALSO THE SAME THINGS THAT PEOPLE HATED IN THE SHOW ARE PROBABLY MORE OR LESS ALSO GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS #idk man. it's one thing to be told that something you love sucks. it's another thing to be told that the act of loving it makes you stupid #and like. idk anti-intellectual or something. there are plenty of books I like and make an effort to read. I just didn't like these. #I wish I saw what the rest of you did I really really do but I just don't #In the Vents #genuinely I am so sorry to like half of the people who follow me I know this will be a profound disappointment #I just HAD to get this out of my system #this blog is first and foremost A Place Where I Scream About Things #unfortunately. for everyone. including and especially me lmao.

[varpusvaras]

Doctors visit tomorrow about the thing that gave me severe anemia.

Prediction: "you are fat. fix that. goodbye!"

#personal #yes I know I am fat but I've had the same problems when I wasn't #also the same problem is 99 percent likely causing me weight gain so. lucky me I guess #I'm sorry I'm going to vent a bit here don't read this if you deal with ed's but I would just love to stop eating forever sometimes #I have a really complicated relationship with my body and food and even tho I can go most days without thinking about it #I know that I am still this fucking close to having ed again #the only thing stopping me is the fact that I remember how much it sucked #and because I'm still suffering from health problems it gave me the first time around #but.yeah. I don't like eating and I would much rather just not

[toaster-fire-art]

so basically, I’m tired

#mini break from everything i guess #self portrait #my art #toasterfireart #idk #vent art #sort of but not really #shrugs #i have so many things ive started and want to work on that i don't want to work on any of them #so i hand you this that i did in uh an hour #instead #not fanart #just me :] #i'm tired #oh btw i just finished reading peerless #not that anyone cares but it's about to be you're problem #if you're reading this

[nompunhere]

gaaaAAAaaaAAAUUUUGGHHHHHH I wanna make VORE CONTENT but I'm in COOL LEG and I got CLASSES and HOMEWORK and all my ART TIME has been repurposed into ART-HOMEWORK TIME

(rest of the vent in the tags)

#nph rambles #vore mention #minor vent #like classes don't take up that much of my time #and I still have time for relaxing and stuff #but all the time that would usually be spent making art or writing for (read: vore) use is being reallocated to homework #because I was never very good at dedicating time to homework before #so now that I NEED to I'm just replacing one timeslot with another #because I guess they both fit into the category of in my head #anyway that's about it #I still jot down ideas when I get them #it just feels like I don't have time to CREATE #tw caps #dang tags won't let me edit #'both fit into the category of 'productive use of free time' in my head' #forgot that you can't use quotation marks #oh and 'for 'personal' (read: vore) use'

[dameronalone]

I think what the "write for yourself" crowd are missing out on is that I DO write for myself, and often. there's shit that's going to sit in documents forever and never be posted because it's for me. but since when did wanting to interact with people become a bad thing?

I used to get more prompts sent to me or even reblogs and interaction when I did post fanfiction on tumblr/ao3 and I promise you my writing was worse then than it is now so it can't be that. I DO write for myself but sometimes I want to share what I write or write what someone wants to read because it's fun and I like that!

but that's not enough these days. the only people who consistently get a lot of interaction are the "popular" blogs (and I'm not saying that's bad or anything because there are always going to be popular blogs) and if you aren't in with that crowd, good luck getting more than 30 notes

especially in the reader x fanfiction circles. it's horrible there, ESPECIALLY if you aren't writing for the popular character of the month. I don't know what changed but something did change significantly. if you aren't writing smut and if you aren't writing for the hottest character around the notes you're going to get are minimal. I posted a poe dameron x reader fic the other day that was dealing with canon stuff and it got like. two notes on tumblr, and a very small amount of kudos/hits on ao3. even the last smut reader fic with a fairly popular oscar osaac character I wrote didn't go far

its just really frustrating as a writer to try so often and get nothing. I reblog prompts and get nothing, I post fic and get nothing, I try to interact with the fandom and get nothing. I DO write for myself but sometimes I want to write for others. but not so much anymore

#ok to reblog I guess just don't be a dick or I'm blocking you #it's more of a vent post than anything #it's depressing as hell because I like writing for other people it gives me a goal it gives me #something to DO and something of a purpose #writing for my close friends is still good but it's not the same #when I ask for prompts or requests I'm doing it because I want to know what yall want #if I wanted to write for myself I would if I wanted to write for my friends I'd just ask them #since when was it a bad thing to want to write for others and get attention from it #like good god #it's like what is even the point of posting fic anywhere because no one will read it and if they do no one #cares enough to let you know they liked it anymore #if the fandom had been like this when I first started writing I never would have kept it up #the biggest reason I wrote so much was because the fandom was so supportive and interactive #it used to be FUN #five six seven years ago #it was GREAT #but all the fun has been sucked out and there's no point in posting something and coming back and finding that #it has 5 likes and 1 reblog and no comments #it's like thanks guys. feeling super appreciated #it just makes me want to stop posting or stop writing fanfictikn at all #not that anyone would notice apparently #negativity #fandom wank #fandom negativity #writing community

[salsflore]

#going back to school tmrw and i obviously have Feelings™️ abt that #warning this is a vent? post? idk not really cuz i'm not sad nor do i need comfort and theres nothing for me to really vent about but #well! i suppose you can just call it a way for me to talk about my feelings a little. but the way i am right now? i'm actually fine so if #anyone reads this then don't worry! ya know but. anyways this morning i woke up and overheard something i shouldntve #and for a moment (and what feels like the veryyy first time in my life) i considered if it was worth it to kms LOL a bit overdramatic right #to clarify i WOULD NEVER. i do not want to die but just! very briefly‚ i thought it’d be better if i did #(only for that short short short moment) did i consider if it was truly the best thing to do. like there was a possibility i really would #but i know i would never actually #and now i just wonder what i should do! i guess. like where do i go from here? what am i supposed to do to cope? #how do i get better? very obviously i don’t wanna get stuck in the same sad loop of self pity or anything! #so when therapy isn’t an option‚ and school (an unavoidable) seems to be 85% of the problem‚ what CAN i do if not just tolerate it? #what option is there for me? reach out to my friends? i feel like talking it out doesn’t do anything for me anymore #my calendar is littered with small events and reminders just so i can get by. when does it get better? where do i go from here because it #very much feels like i'm going to be stuck in this cycle forever. i know theres good intentions but i am Very tired of hearing #people say they're there for me and articles telling me to go outside and touch the flowers i! #i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i think i'm going to have to live with this feeling forever actually #but i really do want to get better. i suppose i just don’t know how #⠀mika’s chatroom !⠀

[letsboo-boo]

.

#i know y'all think i'm the most pessimistic person ever (and probably very annoying) #but i come here to vent so i'm sorry but not that much #i'm gonna start tagging these as #gee rants #so it can be filtered and you don't have to be subjected to me #anyway not having friends is really making me feel bad tonight and idek why #i'm literally just reading stuff for my test #i guess it's just one of those nights