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#yes i now realise how toxic it was
saintedbythestorm · 2 years
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Sure gotta love when people try to guilt trip you into seeing them.
Imma be honest, it just makes me want to see them less.
#yes manipulation tactics that the toxic half of the family would use all the time is absolutely going to change my mind#you'd think when this tactic has worked for years they'd realise it isn't working. but no.#maybe actually talk to me instead of just telling me who died or is sick every damn time and i want to talk??#nooooo gotta just sit and talk about how horrible everything is EVERY SINGLE TIME.#which is a great idea when the person you're talking to is already depressed and barely holding together 🙃#and if i do see them they get bored of me within like 20 minutes anyway and just walk off to watch tv#very worth all my energy for a few days as you can tell. 🙄#i just saw that the hasn't worked for years turned into has... too lazy to change it now. ty phone#like ffs i can't even be up on the right side of the day now a days ... just try and work with me instead??#maybe if you stop pushing and trying to make me feel bad all the time I'd called ages ago?#like I'm sorry but i ain't no therapist and you sure af ain't paying me so no i won't spend the little grain of energy i have on it#i hear enough of sickness death and misery every single fucking day... i do not need someone to put theirs on me too#and then expect me to constantly make them feel better about it. like i can't even describe how exhausting it is#and we tell em.... and they don't give a shit .#sorry for the rant but i just... i already felt so shit rn and now i get this too#like the past months stress that has ruined my brain ain't enough...or the super bad body ache ain't enough#or the super bad stomach isn't enough... or the lack of sleep and effed up day night cycle ain't enough#it's just.. i do not need this right now please stop... please stop..#i just stopped going 150% and pure survival the past 2 months.. don't start this shit now i literally cannot...#i am exhausted to a point I never thought possible... and it keeps going down cause it never let's up.#... i need a hug...#rant#ryder speaking
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dawningfairytale · 4 months
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how did i realise i was bi both so quickly and so slowly
#like#on the one hand#the moment i realised i was attracted to women (both times) i went: oh. bisexual. cool. fuck. now i'm oppressed.#and i wasn't like 'but i like boys and girls what could this possibly mean??' it was more. oh yeah no okay this logically has to be bisexua#and there was like wondering if there was split attraction in that (i don't think there is for me) but i was like. either way. there's#some non-platonic attraction for more than one gender#(also why i like bisexual bc i am bisexual and biromantic and i like saying that after coming to that conclusion#also i find it rolls off the tongue better than bi)#but GIRL#why did you get so excited to get this girl's phone number#better: why were you so desperate to get this girl's phone number#i know you were excluded and wanted to make friends but why these girls specifically#why did they make you feel like that#also the kiss dreams#like you have a dream where you make out with your friend in a dark closet. cool. subtle.#i think google said 'it could?? just be a friendship thing' so i ran with that but uh. i had a crush on her through my whole senior year#it was not just a friend thing#especially not given how much i liked it#also. why the dreaming about kissing an imaginary girl? which you also enjoyed? like. babe make it make sense#'yes i love watching glee s5 toxic and ikag but For The Outfits' are you kidding me#to be fair. never took an am i gay test. because i knew that was a common queer experience and I Was Not Queer#how come i knew that at such a young age?#there were. so many signs.
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aajjks · 1 year
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pretty baby (m)
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synopsis. you’re just too pretty to resist.
warnings. MATURE. explicit sex, unprotected sex (BE SMART IRL N WRAP IT] yandere themes, praise, marking, overstimulation, kissing, biting, rough toji, TOXIC!TOJI, lovesick toji, sadistic undertones, mentions of crying, he calls you pretty like 100 times lmao, mdni.
disclaimer: this is purely fictional and this is NOT a healthy relationship so please please do NOT ROMANTICISE THIS BEHAVIOUR! triggering themes, viewer discretion is advised!
note. lmao my first explicit smut… i don’t know how I’m feeling about this though…. haha I’m a rookie when it comes to smut so…. don’t expect much!!!! enjoy!!!
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“baby don’t be like that now.” He whispers into your ear, his hot breath fanning right over your neck as you shiver, feeling his large palms dragging down your body,
You can’t speak, he’s too intense for you to handle. The pad of his thumb is pressed against your cheek as you steal a quick glance at his face.
He’s a gorgeous man.
His grey orbs are hazy with lust, a dark hue in them, it makes your skin feel icky. You barely notice when his thumb travels over to your lip, caressing the meat softly.
His fingers are dangerously close to your mouth.
“You look so cute when you pout like this, baby.” He chuckles, “how’re you so fuckin’ pretty hmm?” He leans down to press a kiss on your lips, it’s a quick peck but you can feel yourself getting closer to your high.
“my pretty baby. the prettiest ever!” He groans, burying himself deeper into you, you whimper, his praise is making you feel dizzy.
“You should look at yourself, fuck you’re so pretty that I’m almost not angry at you.”
“could eat you up whole,” he grits his teeth to stop his moaning when he feels you tightening around him, it feels so good.
“Ha you like this huh, baby?” He teases you, you can’t help but mewl when he pinches your nipple gently. “S-Stop!” You are not sure if you mean it though, it almost comes out of your mouth reluctantly, he notices immediately.
“Stop? You want me to stop? I’m not sure if that’s the truth, sweetheart because you’re clenching so hard around me like a slut.” He can be mean, your cheeks feel so hot.
“Yn baby, you wan’to to cum?” He is now merciless with the way he’s fucking you, you want to resist but he makes it so hard.
“can’t hear ya,” your husband is a cruel man, but he fucks you so good that you feel stupid. “y-yes please!” You close your eyes when he lifts your chin up when you try to look down.
Bastard.
“What was it huh? Couldn’t hear you clearly.” He repeats himself once again, nuzzling his face into your neck.
You feel the coldness of his teeth graze your skin.
“You don’t get to cum sweetheart? Do ya know why?” He slams into you so hard that your vision blurs, a loud moan escapes your mouth before you can realise.
“Because you’ve been so bad to me, ignoring me like I’m nothin’ to you?” He’s brutal, Toji bites your neck, sucking on the skin, you know he’s marking you.
He’s so fucking cruel.
“You’re mine, my pretty baby, my fuckin slut!” He growls, his tone is thick, you want to cry because it’s getting too much for you to control.
“P-Please toji!” You beg your husband but he doesn’t respond, his tongue feels so soothing when he licks up his fresh mark on your neck.
“Please what?”
You’re so dizzy with pleasure right now, it hurts but it feels so good.
“You wanna cum? Then tell me who fucks you so good like this huh? Who owns you?”
“Tell me baby and I’ll let you free.”
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boyfhee · 3 months
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이희승 、PRETTY GIRL
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featuring ⋆ bsf!heeseung, hints at friends with benefits
warnings ⋆ slightly suggestive, use of endearments, profanities, jealously on heeseung's side, toxic undertones? i'm not too sure on this one ( 0.9k )
notes ⋆ something has been so so wrong with me recently i can't come up with anything that doesn't involve making out
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“hee, how do i look?” 
heeseung is sprawled on your couch, scrolling through his phone when he looks up at you, raising an eyebrow. you’re waiting for his response and he’s taking his time— eyeing you up and down, the way that pretty dress hugs your body. you’ve even done your makeup, flaunting that lip tint you had bought recently, that makes your lips ten times more kissable. you never dressed like this for him.
he sighs, putting his phone aside, and sits up straight, not a single emotion on his face. “are you going to the library to study or on a date?”
“ah, did i over do it?” and you’re asking in the cutest and quietest voice, looking down at your outfit and oh how much he wants to tell you how gorgeous you look. 
but you aren’t all dolled up for him. it’s for your project partner— that asshole you have also been studying with for finals for over a week now. and it’s ridiculous how he— or anyone of those losers around you think they stand a chance, when you end up in his arms every night, at the end of all. 
“no,” yes, he wanted to say. “not at all,” so pretty for someone who’s not me.
he gets up from the couch and makes his way to you— you look prettier up close. heeseung is aware of it. he wants it to be his little secret, who even does your study guy or whatever thinks he is? heeseung takes your hands and pulls you closer, just looking at you, admiring you. maybe he should keep his pretty little best friend all to himself.
and you don’t even mind since you’re used to this. the closeness, subtle touches, holding hands, comfort, advice— it’s what best friends are for. “but you said i look like i’m going on a date.” 
he chuckles at your cute reaction, the pout, the slight frown. how cute. it’s adorable how you always take his words seriously, he’s the one person you can rely on, who you trust blindly. sometimes, heeseung feels bad for having feelings for you. would you even care if he confessed? or would you just cut him off? he’s your precious best friend after all, who you’ve known since you two were toddlers. 
“i meant to say that you look too pretty,” is he even allowed to feel this way?
you laugh softly at his words, a bit flustered at his words even though he has complimented you a thousand times. “well, i’ll get going then, ‘seung,”
truthfully, it’s also your fault. 
those smiles and giggles, your gaze that searches for him in a crowded room. you never forget to invite him to a group hangout, it’s one benefit of being friends with your friends. those nicknames you call him and only him. he’s the one you run to when you have problems. you live in his apartment more than your dorm— it’s your fault for making him feel all this. for making him like this.
you try to pull your hand back to leave, but instead he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer, pressing himself against you. this is wrong, you know, he knows. too bad, it’s not the first time. worse, he doesn’t care. 
“hee—” you gasp in surprise, but your words end up coming out as a sigh once he presses his lips against your neck. he can feel your hands on his shoulders, trying to push him away and the swift motion in which they instinctively wrap around him. and you do realise it’s your fault. you always end up giving in anyway. it’s a bad, vicious habit— he pulls, you push, and then give in, and the way you react to things he does drives him insane.
sure, your project partner could wait for a while. he doesn’t deserve you anyway. 
“you’re so pretty, angel,” he whispers next to your ear, giving it a soft nibble before pulling back and looking at you with those enchanting eyes and a smile that sends your heart into a whirlwind. he calls you angel like it’s your name, and he whispers compliments ever so softly and sweetly. it’s what you had asked him for— to tell you how you look, and heeseung is good at doing that. he has got your back. “so gorgeous,”
it’s what best friends are for. 
the next thing your mind registers is his sweet lips on yours, the taste of cherries and vanilla from the shortcakes you two had earlier lingering on your tongue, and then your mind goes blank. you’re pulling him closer, he’s busy savouring your taste, taking in your every breath, every little sound you make as he kisses you so well.
heeseung bets that guy you’re so excited to spend time with can’t even make you feel half of what you’re feeling. you’re always going to end up coming back to him for more. after all, no one knows what you want better than heeseung.
the sound of your phone ringing snaps him out of his thoughts. he looks at your slightly red lips as you reach out for your phone, but heeseung beats you to it. he grabs your phone and grins when he sees the caller ID— it’s your study buddy— hands caressing your cheeks as he answers with a smirk. “sorry, my girl will be a bit late today. hope you don’t mind,”
he hangs up, phone somewhere around, and his lips are back on yours again.
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orikiys · 10 months
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✿ ✿ 〞arguements with skz
✰ pairings :  ot8!skz x gn!reader
✰ genre : angst
✰ warnings :  heavy angst, mentions of toxic behavior in some, misunderstandings, failing to communicate
✰ word count :   2.7k + words
part 2
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౨₊ৎ chan
"why are you so angry about all this?"
“you’re seriously asking me that?” his brows raised in disbelief as he spoke.
this what you two had been dealing with lately. unnecessary fights and constant bickering over anything. even today, a weekend, which chan called his ‘golden day’ , you two were yelling across the room.
“yes i am. and i’ll keep asking till you stop acting petty,” you looked him dead in the eye now. your faces were edging closer and closer to his, a defiant glare sparkling in your eyes. chan glared back, but he looked away as quickly, not being able to look at you when you two were fighting. he was used to the warm and admiring gazes, but not these sharp and angry stares. it made his stomach churn with the thought, what if you both got tired of fighting one day?
“if you’re not going to open your mouth no one will be sleeping tonight,” your voice snaps him back to reality, he silently stares at the floor with his head hung low.
“you know i hate him, don't you? i’ve told this story to you like a thousand times already and yet you still talked to him! do you think that’s fair?” he raised his voice and immediately regretted it. but there was no taking it back now. words can only be taken back in laptops or phones, not in real life.
“i just talked to him for barely even two minutes, chan! you’re being ridiculous at this point. do you think this is fair?” you cock your eyebrow at him, not hesitating to raise your voice as well since he walked down that path first.
“it doesn’t matter how long you talked, the point is you talked even after knowing our rough past. it’s almost like you don’t care about me or my feelings anymore! you’ve changed. you’ve become. . . selfish,” ouch. that had to hurt. and chan noticed the way your eyes instantly dulled. he licked his lower lip anxiously and watched as your frown deepened.
there were no further words uttered from your side which made him realise just how far he went, “babe. . . i- sorry,” the words were stuck in his throat and he could practically feel the tears building in his eyes as you took a shaky breath. he took a step closer and raised his hand to touch your face, but you avoided that and walked away.
maybe it was selfish indeed. or maybe not, he wished to not answer that as he sat on the couch and dragged a hand across his face filled with guilt. and as he stared at the hallway where you walked out, he could only hope to turn back the time and undo his mistake. but for now, he needed to wait. or fight for you.
౨₊ৎ minho
minho let out a frustrated groan when he felt the couch dip beside him. he threw a mere glance, before opening his laptop and typing something. it was unusual of him to act this frustrated and even when you tried to talk to him he glared in your way.
“i understand you’re having a bad day but it doesn’t mean that you can act however you want,” you muttered and scooted away from him before crossing your arms over your chest.
“then simply don’t understand,” he muttered nonchalantly and leaned closer to the laptop screen as he typed. this infuriated you even more.
“can you at least pretend to care? i’m not a statue sitting beside you!” his gaze shifted to you and he pressed his lips into a straight line.
“of course i will! should i even leave my job and tell my boss that my partner wanted to argue with me while i work?” sarcasm dropped all over his tone and it made you nauseous. you couldn’t believe your ears thay minho, lee minho was acting this way. he rolled his eyes and muttered a ‘thought so’ , upon seeing you go quiet and diverted his gaze back to the laptop in front of him.
“why do you have to make everything so difficult? why can’t you just talk like normal people do?” your gaze hardened and he could feel it. rolling his eyes, he switched his gaze back to you and saw you, a new you. your jaw was clenched harshly it was almost as if you were a ticking time bomb, just finding the right time and you could explode.
but minho was no less. the last thing he wanted was to submit his work after his deadline. and time was ticking as always. it doesn’t wait for him.
“the world doesn’t revolve around you! you need to know that. i have submissions to make and i can’t afford to lose my job when i’m this close to getting promoted,” with a final look he picked up his laptop and marched into your shared room. you poked your inner cheek with a tongue and wiped a lone tear that dripped on your cheek. this was going to be one hell of a night. and what hurt you even more is that he didn't even try.
౨₊ৎ changbin
changbin just unlocked the door to your shared apartment and quietly took off his shoes before slipping in the flip-flops. his heart dropped out it’s chest when he saw the date and time. it was two minutes past three. and he wasn’t surprised when the lights flicked on and there you stood, with an exhausted expression and wearing formals.
“shit. . . babe i’m so sorry-“
“you’re sorry?” your scoff definitely took him back. he stared at you nervously and felt his palms get clammy.
“if you’re sorry then you wouldn’t have forgotten our second anniversary! if you’re sorry then you wouldn’t have forgotten our booking! and if you’re really sorry then you would’ve at least called!” you yelled loudly and he could feel himself grow annoyed even though he was at fault.
“babe, i’ve had a tiring day and a bad headache. could you please not shout?” his soft tone took you by surprise but there was disappointment all over your face as he simply began to walk away.
“that’s it then? you’re just walking away like that? like a coward running away from his problems?” your throat felt dry when his head turned and his eyes met yours. his brows were furrowed in anger and he took a step towards you.
“me? a coward? if working my ass off means i’m a coward then maybe i am one. but i’m not running away from my problems. i’m simply solving them at the right times,” he muttered and gave you a tight smile.
“right time, huh? then why can’t you appear at the right times during our dates?” you replied, weakly. you were tired too. tired of his excuses, his empty promises, his apologies. they felt like nothing anymore. he had let you down too many times.
he opened his mouth to say something but closed it back again realising it could worsen the situation. with a soft sigh, he pressed his lips to your head and muttered a sorry before walking away.
maybe, the right time required you both to sit down and talk calmly.
hyunjin
“baby,” you hummed in response, making him continue, “i have a tour coming up so i’ll be gone for two months.”
the words slipped his mouth so easily as if he almost didn’t care. he came back home a week ago. out of which, he spent more than half of his time occupied at the company.
“you just came back!” the exasperation was visible in your tone and hyunjin bit his lip, feeling guilty. he cupped your face and said, “i’ll call you everyday, i promise.”
with a glare you shrugged his hands off and sat straighter to get your point clear, “if i wanted a boyfriend who can only call me why didn’t i just go for long distance?”
hyunjin’s expression changed. he ran a hand through his hair harshly, “i thought you knew what you were getting to when you started dating me.”
“yes i did! i still do. but that doesn’t change the fact that you have the upper hand in your life. which means you should be able to make some time for me?” it felt pathetic, to beg for his time. to sit there at home waiting for him. always. like the desperate being you were. and you began to even pity yourself.
“how long do i have to wait for you hyun? just how long?” and as the tears finally slipped through, hyunjin pulled you in a tight hug. he let you hit him. he let you curse him. and in the end he didn’t let you walk and slip away. but maybe, trying harder would be better. the thing that stung the most was time. time that he didn't have for you. time that he promised he would give, but never did. maybe it was time to take some right decisions for both of you.
౨₊ৎ han
you had been trying to get your boyfriend to talk to you for about 15 minutes now. it was a chore. it was exhausting. but you knew something was wrong and you weren't going to let him suffer alone.
“what’s your problem?” he snapped. annoyance written bold on his forehead as he stared at you, waiting for an answer.
“you’re too unusually quiet today,” you muttered under your breath but he managed to hear it.
it was one of those days where the two of you didn’t hold back.
“oh so now you decide whether i talk or not?” you sighed noticing him still look annoyed.
“don’t put words in my mouth jisung,” your eyes warned him, and he snapped himself out of it before covering his face with his hands.
“can you just go away for now?” he whispered and looked at you. he looked so . . . tired.
“is that a request or a warning?” your joke had no smiles, neither out of you nor him. he expectantly looked at you making you bitterly nod to yourself.
“always has to be me,” and even though it reached his ears he gave no expression, seemingly feel his head throb with thinking too much. he slammed his hands on the desk it made him feel better, maybe not much. but it did not fill the gap in his chest. and it hurt him to reach this point.
౨₊ৎ felix
“lix, i don’t think i can do this anymore,” you muttered and looked away knowing that one look at his face would have you running back in his arms. you had become that weak for him. that weak that you couldn’t resist him or his lies.
“what do you mean baby?” he looked so confused that you almost felt guilty, but then you remembered that he was just being innocent. as if he didn’t lie to you a hundred times. as if he didn’t cause you pain and misery almost everyday.
“i’m tired of you, lix. i’m also tired of us. how long are you going to make me suffer?” your tone caught him by surprise. he stared at you baffled, trying to find words to make you stop speaking like that anymore but he chose to remain quiet when he saw that look of sadness take up on your expression.
“i know we fight a lot babe but i swear i love you,” he held your hands in his hands and pressed a tender kiss while looking at you.
there it was. those words he uttered again, just like always. he would hurt you and then later on he would sweet talk you. and you had grown extremely tired of it.
shrugging his hands off you took a step back, “that’s it felix! if you try to manipulate me once more i’m breaking up with you!”
his brows furrowed in confusion. he didn’t know what you were playing at, but he wasn’t going to back off after being told those words.
“manipulate? i’m simply trying to remain calm! but looks like all my efforts are going in vain,” hurt spread all across his face as he said it. maybe you overthinking it, or maybe not. but one thing was clear, you both hurt each other in ways you didn’t know.
“you always do this! make promises you can’t keep and then talk me out of it,” and even though you stood firm with your decision, you weren’t a fool to not notice the way his shoulders slumped down, and his mouth turn downwards forming a frown.
“what more do i have to do to make you believe that i a sincere about this, about us?” he let out an exasperated sigh after pointing between the two of you.
“just be honest and love me,” and as you uttered those words, your eyes met his and you could see the way it reflected deep sorrow and perhaps guilt? you couldn’t name it.
with a dejected nod, he grabbed his wallet, bag and phone before rushing out of the house.
“i’ll be staying over at chan’s,” he muttered giving you one final look, as if telling you to stop him. but you didn’t, you just nodded and looked away.
he felt all his hopes shatter down upon that one thing, all the things he dreamt of for future could be seen crumbling down and all he could do was let out a shaky breath with his hand trembling all the while as he drove away.
౨₊ৎ seungmin
“where were you?” he practically shouted, startling you.
“i told you i was out with some friends,” you replied, trying to be the calm one.
“some friends? or a special friend?” his tone felt poisonous. it felt unfamiliar on his tongue to speak in this way but he tried not to look too fazed.
“what is that supposed to mean?” you replied pointedly, totally forgetting about remaining calm and stared at him.
“you know exactly what i mean,” his voice lowered down for a second and so did the anger in his gaze, but he held contact wanting you to know it was serious.
“i’ve called you like a million times and i was worried sick because you didn’t tell me where you went!”
“i can take care of myself, seungmin.”
“sure you can, but i don’t trust the other men,” he sighed and his eyes finally softened.
“good night,” he mumbled and walked away, leaving you standing all alone. things were getting better for worse? or for better?
౨₊ৎ jeongin
“stop shouting,’’ he said. It almost made you scoff when he was the one who started it.
“babe it wasn’t funny you know that?’’ you muttered, dejected but he just looked away not having any words to speak.
“i understand they are your friends but you can’t just go and tell them about my problems like that!’’ jeongin let out a deep sigh and looked at you.
“i thought maybe they could help in a way. they’re like my family.’’
“still. you could’ve at least asked me before telling them, you’re basically feeding off every bit of my secrets and i’m even scared to tell you anything now,’’ now that sounded ridiculous to him. you could trust him, and he wanted you to know that.
“you’re clearly overreacting. i just told them why you were feeling off,’’ he ran a hand through his hair growing frustrated that you both didn’t understand each other.
“you gave them the entire speech jeongin. don’t you dare lie to my face!’’ that was the high point. the two of you looked at each other with an abnormally furious gaze. and it made you realise just how long would it take for this to end?
“i’m not lying! Why don’t you understand me? i was just trying to make you feel better!’’
“if you wanted to make me feel better then you could’ve talked to me! and not them!’’
a minute of silence was all that was heard before you took your cue to speak, “am i dating you or am i dating them?’’ the tears came as quickly as they fell. you had grabbed your coat and bag, heading for the door. you didn't think anything else could hurt you. but you were wrong.
what hurt the most was that he didn't stop you.
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dwindlinghaze · 11 months
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helloo can i request a fic for introvert!reader with extrovert!remus lupin whos head over heels for her <3
yes u can darlin <3 🫧🫧 i sort of wrote this into a whole new story but i hope you like this one ☁️🌸🩷🤍
everytime
(remus lupin x reader)
contents : fem reader, toxic friendships, kissing, fluff !! not proofread
  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
the door slammed open, revealing three young witches with their hands full of shopping bags. you knew they were going to hogsmeade together, but a part of you wished they had invited you.
they're your roomates and friends.
you couldn't go as far as calling them your true friends because they don't involve you much in their group activities.
they go on picnics together, shopping for pretty dresses in hogsmeade, having brunch dates, going to the movies.
a part of you wished you're there, being together with them and just fitting in. but the other part of you were thankful as for they're not inviting you because you would feel left out anyways.
it was better to be left out, and only you know it, rather than being left out with other people knowing.
maybe it wasn't their fault. elina is pretty, smart, bright and outgoing. adrienne is cheerful, energetic, and sociable. cassie is ambitious, intelligent, and talkative. you laughed bitterly to yourself, realising that they all have similar traits- all really easy to talk to and would always have an on going conversation.
you couldn't even hold a conversation for more than four minutes. it feels like your fault now.
you sit alone the morning after. you usually sit with your 'friends' for breakfast, but you were hurt from yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. it was tiring, you needed break.
which caught the attention of a young gryffindor boy, sitting at the opposite end of the table.
remus lupin always thought you're the most beautiful person he ever saw. you two never talked, there's no reason to.
only his longing stares are the closest thing to interaction.
he thought you're beautiful. not the kind of beauty in magazines or billboards, but the kind of beauty that spreads through a field of mystical flowers. a kind that shines golden in daylight and a night fairy at late.
he saw the way you chew on your breakfast gloomily. he wondered why. you weren't spotted with your usual friends. you were just there. alone.
you would think of yourself as pathetic, but remus doesn't. he would never. he saw an angel-like soul that nobody's good enough to know. nobody's smart enough to notice.
he frowned when he saw you wiping away a tear before you got up, exiting the packed hall.
"frowning moony is not a safe moony," james said, quirking his eyebrows up.
"it's y/n, isn't it?" sirius questioned. the handsome man noticed how remus has been distracted from reality lately. he noticed how remus basically looks at you with heart eyes everytime.
"she looks sad today," remus noted, feeling an overwhelming sense of worry flooding him. it was funny to think about actually, you two never spoke a word to each other yet remus is worrying as if you're his.
"talk to her," james urged. "it's been- what was it? years of pining, you should make a move first because we all know she won't."
"i can't- y'know, my condition," remus huffed.
"she won't mind."
"how'd you know?"
"because- she is her...?" sirius said. "give it a try moony, if she doesn't love you with your condition then she doesn't deserve you, but if she does, it's worth it."
"right..."
that evening you sat down staring at an open window, catching your breath. you had been crying. you don't know why you're being so sensitive lately especially since your friends are always like this. why are you taking it so personal now?
you let the wind hit your face, drying your tears up with the cold breeze.
remus was on his nightly patrol around the castle. he's a prefect. that's how he heard a sniffle down the hall, his vision met with the most enchanting sight.
he walked slowly towards you, not wanting to scare. "hey... you alright?"
you turned around abruptly, wiping away the tears on your eyelashes. "i'm sorry for being out late."
"i'm not going to report you to professor mcgonagal, are you alright?" he asked once more.
"yeah, i'll be heading back to my dorm now," you collected yourself. the quiet footsteps didn't go unheard by you. remus was following you to the dorms.
"don't want filch to get you, i'll walk you there," he smiled a generous smile.
then silence fell between the two of you, only for remus to break it. "i know we're not friends but you can talk to me about it if you want, you can trust me," remus took hold of your upper arm, caressing it gently.
"thanks," was the only reply. you cringed at how short it sounded and he probably thinks you're rude and cold which is the opposite of who you are. your words aren't the best representation of yourself.
remus knew you were an introvert, hiding away from crowded rooms whenever you can. you never go to the parties his friends held. he knew you prefer reading to revelling.
he understands, he was once just like you. but with the help and support of his friends, he feels more comfortable in expressing himself now.
"will i see you tomorrow?" remus asked once you were inside the gryffindor common room.
"yeah, thank you- for not turning me in," you sent him an awkward smile.
the next day, you weren't in a better state either. you found out that cassie was talking horrible things about you with some slytherins. you weren't surprised. it was just your nature to constantly be disrespected by them.
remus saw you again that very day. your eyes were watery and your fingers were shaking.
he quickly ran up to you, his heart breaking into a million pieces. how dare someone did this to you?
"honey, you okay?" remus said, looking at you with the fondest eyes.
you almost cried again, hearing how someone actually asked you if you were okay. you shook your head in response.
"talk to me, we're friends," remus said softly. in reality, you two aren't technically friends. you only met face to face twice.
"we're friends?" you asked, feeling unsure.
"we are. from now on. now tell me who did this to you?"
"oh remus i can't," you shook your head.
"okay... but you can talk to me about anything okay? it doesn't have to be important. that's what friends are for," he smiled.
and oh when you smiled back, was like heaven to him. you looked like an ethereal angel with that divine smile and that archangelic face. he might as well fall in love right then and there.
the sparkles in your eyes that hold such loneliness and hope is what he calls beauty. the way you smiles even when you're sad just to assure him that you will be okay is heart warming. to him you weren't just beautiful for something as temporary as your face. you're beauty hides beneath that broken heart of yours, that delicate soul you have.
you opened up after a while, you feel you can trust remus. he is a calm and caring person. the way he asks 'how are you' every morning since. he wrapped his arm around your shoulder because he doesn't want to lose you in the sea of students. he cuts your breakfast so you can eat them easier. he reads to you softly when you cried again because of your friends.
he didn't know how much this has helped you to be okay again. how much you adored him for everything he does, even the questionable ones. you didn't care.
"rem, want to talk to you," you spoke, breaking his gaze from his book.
"i'm all ears, darling," he replied.
"you wanna know why i keep on crying?," you sniffed, ready to open up for the first time. "it's because- cause cassie, elina, and adrienne. they keep saying bad things about me- that you probably heard already. i used to always think we're friends, maybe not the kind like- you and me. but just friends... i guess. they keep leaving me out. it's like they don't even want me there." you were wiping tears away now, feeling unsure of yourself.
you never spoke of your feelings like this. never to anyone. how can remus made it so easy for you to be transparent to him?
"oh angel, they don't deserve you. they're too full of themselves to see how worthy you are. i think- i think you're the perfect just how you are. forget about them yeah? we will start a new beginning. you can come and sit with me from now on. no need to care about them. i will never make you sad, promise."
he pulled you to his chest, embracing you in a warm hug.
he made a promise to himself that every week, he will give you gifts and such to remind you how important you are. how much he loves and cares about you.
he couldn't let you waste your tears for your past friendship. remus treats you like a princess. he wants to make you smile. seeing you happy is what matters most because a dream girl should live in a dreamworld. and he made it a mission to make a perfect world for you.
he remembered you saying how those girls never invited you to picnics so here he is, inviting you to join the picnic he has set just for you and him.
"oh rem, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done!" you sighed, sitting yourself down on the carpet.
"it's nothing! you deserve it," he smiled proudly, pouring you and himself a cup of chamomile tea. your favourite.
there's something sparkling in your wrist. the shine of it glimmering under the perfect weather. you were wearing a bracelet remus gave to you a few days ago. a pretty silver chain with a moon and angel wings intertwined together.
when he first saw the jewelery on the display, it immediately reminded him of you so he just had to buy two of them. a matching bracelet.
god, nobody has ever even given you a friendship bracelet before.
he saw you, picking up the fresh strawberries with your delicate hands. 'what a dreamy girl' he thought 'and to have an angel like her to call my own'
he wanted to kiss you right there. everything was perfect at the moment. the soft honey rays of the sunshine warms the air surrounding the two of you, there's no reason for remus to scoot over closer to your figure. but he did anyways.
"i like a girl, no i actually love her," he started.
your heart sank, you thought maybe-just maybe remus is the one. he pulled you right out of misery in the best way.
remus saw your crestfallen expression, though he continued, "she makes my heart jump. she's the girl i've been in love with for a long time, i wanna go wherever she goes."
you forced a smile at him, munching on your strawberry that suddenly turned sour.
"she gets sad often, but that doesn't stop her from taking care of the people around her, and herself. she's smart and wise. she inspires me actually. everytime we say goodnight, i go to bed and sleep happily. dreaming of happy thoughts because when she's around, there's no negativity."
"i love her- y/n," he said, hinting at the way he emphasised your name.
"can i know who she is?" you asked shyly.
"can you guess?"
"i don't know..."
"well, i see her everytime," remus said, a smile playing on his lips.
"you see a lot of people everyday," you replied.
"i said everytime not everyday," he chuckled.
"that's not possible!"
"it is actually. i could never get tired of her. anyone is crazy if they do," he shook his head. "okay.. she smells like the most cosiest bakery in town."
"i don't think i know anyone that smells like a bakery."
"of course you don't, darling," remus said, cupping your cheeks. "'cause it's you. i'm in love with you,"
"wha- me?" you knitted your brows. he caressed them away.
"yes you, it's obvious actually. i thought you knew," remus chucked. "i don't have matching bracelets with anyone else, i never go on picnics, i never crochet someone a sweater before, i could go on but i want to hear what you have to say."
"i love you too, it's inevitable," you said, rubbing your cheeks further on his palms.
"can i kiss you?" he asked. he always considered himself a gentleman and he will be the most gentlemanly when it comes to you.
you responded with a soft nod, then he pressed his lips against yours. slowly but surely, he felt you melting in the kiss and god does that feel way more magical than the daydreams he had about this. his tongue manoeuvred its way inside your mouth, meeting yours in a soft touch that sent shivers down your spine. he loves the way you taste, licking the remnants of strawberry juice in your mouth.
he placed his hand on the back of your head while the other wrapped itself around waist, making you impossibly closer to him.
you didn't know how long that lasted but when you pulled away, the both of your cheeks were bright red and the smiles couldn't be wiped away.
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chaconnenha · 2 months
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⸝⸝ ❛ i' m in love with a fairytale . . .
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╰ ❪ ꕤ ❫ ENHYPEN ( HYUNG LINE ) as disney princes !
en- hyung line x fem!reader ʬʬʬ───includes. swoon-worthy princes, fluff, romance, minor angst, kissing, violence, abusive & toxic households, semi-nudity, word dumps/messy writing . . . ( MAKNAE LINE VER. found here ) BACK TO LIBRARY ?!
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LEE HEESEUNG as PRINCE ERIC ( THE LITTLE MERMAID ) !
when you pulled him to the shore from the wreckage of his sunken ship, and you felt the sand on the shore for the very first time, you knew you could never go back to how things were… and when you fell for him for the very first time, you knew you would never be able to love anyone else. but he had someone else now—a princess, who could speak, could laugh, could tell him just how much she loved him… you were just a mermaid who traded her voice for legs; a silly girl who used forks as a hairbrush, and couldn’t walk two steps before tumbling over the other. there was no way he would fall for you… or so you thought.
you had no idea his love for you ran deeper than the ocean that you saved him from. that the moment he found out you were missing and nowhere to be found, he felt his heart drop in his chest right down to his stomach. or that the first thing he did was send his guards out to every corner of the city in search of you, hoping that he didn’t just lost you forever. and that was why, when he saw you standing at the beach where he met you for the first time, he couldn’t hold back his feelings. not after reading the letter you left behind for him, saying that you were leaving him so that he could marry someone who wasn’t you. he wasted no time in chasing you down before you could even set foot in the sea, his arm grabbing yours and hauling you to his chest, as if you were the one sinking this time, and it was his job to pull you back to shore.
you couldn’t even gasp in surprise before his lips were on yours, swallowing your protests like he was drowning again, and you were his last pocket of air. “don’t ever leave me like that again,” he panted between desperate kisses, his arms pressing you even more firmly against his body. you stared at him in shock as salty tears ran down his beautiful face, reflecting the ones that fell down yours not too long ago. “please,” he whispered, his forehead resting against yours. “i love you too much to let you go.”
PARK JEONGSEONG as PRINCE CHARMING ( CINDERELLA ) !
you were used to being treated like a trampled flower in the dirt. the moment your father passed away and left you in the care—or rather, the mercy—of your stepmother, you had learnt to tuck away your dreams in the back of your mind, where they would remain unrealised, yes, but at the very least, untouched by the hands of your wicked stepsisters, who would not hesitate to tear them into shreds like the did your mother’s precious gown.
but the prince was different. you could still remember his handsome face and his gentle smile, the way his calloused hands held your waist ever so gently while the two of you danced beneath the light of the crystal chandeliers and the burning eyes of a hundred spectators. would he be disappointed if he couldn’t find the girl who fit the glass slipper you left behind? you hoped not, for you had no doubt there would be princesses all around the world eager to fill the spot that you missed… and yet, they couldn’t. because they weren’t you. he made that clear when he broke through the door with the force of the men at his beck and call, eyes searching frantically until they landed on your figure—-dressed in rags and covered in ashes.
you scrambled to your feet, your face burning in shame as you bowed your head. you almost wished he didn’t find you here, if only to spare him the disappointment of realising that the girl he had been chasing was no princess, but a servant girl who didn’t even have a scrap of new clothing to her name. and yet, those calloused hands of his found their way to your chin ever so gently, lifting your eyes to meet his ones. your knees felt weak, and your face warm— like the sunlight that filtered through the attic window, and like the look in his eyes as he gazed upon you. “it’s you,” he said with a whisper, a wide smile blooming across his face. because there was no way it wasn't you; not when he had been dreaming of those eyes of yours since the night you met. “my princess…”
SIM JAEYUN as FLYNN RIDER ( TANGLED ) !
there was once a time where you wanted nothing more than to know what it felt like to feel the grass beneath your feet, and to lie in meadows of dandelions under the sun, like they always talked about in the books you piled up in your little room. to know what it was like to be free. and he was the one who gave you that. the one who showed you the world. but being with him was dangerous, for the both of you, and you would rather stay locked up in the tower forever than let him be hurt. now, the only thing you wanted, was for him to be safe. even if that meant giving up the freedom you would once trade anything for.
you stared at the painting on your ceilings—the painting of the lanterns that he took you to see, just as he promised. the lanterns that bore witness to your first kiss on a boat in the middle of the lake… right before your mother found you, and dragged you back to the tower, promising pain on the man you loved–yes, loved—if you didn’t do as she said. you sighed as you raised a hand over your eyes. and it was then that you heard a knocking from the inside of the walls. someone was here. and it wasn’t your mother. you moved faster than you ever did before you learnt how to braid your ropes of hair, and you slotted yourself between one of the bookshelves to hide, frypan in hand, at the ready.
this scene felt all too familiar. you found yourself remembering the charming grin as you stood with a frypan in hand, eyeing the man who broke into your home and changed everything. but now was not the time for such thoughts. as soon as you heard the intruder enter, your charged with your pan held over your head with violent intent—only to have it fall from your hand when a hand you knew all too well wrapped around your wrists, securing them together in its singular grip, before pushing you up against the nearby wall. jake watched your lips fall apart in a silent gasp, eyes lighting up in recognition at his face. his name left your lips in a quiet sigh, and his heart leapt at the sound, at the sight of your pretty face under the sensual lighting of the setting sun. he wasted no time in ravaging your mouth with hungry kisses, his hard body pressed against yours as he attempted to feel every part of you against him, so he could feel you like he wanted to since the day you were taken from him. “i missed you so fucking much,” he whispered. you scolded him, telling him he shouldn’t be here… but— “i don’t care. i’m here to take my girl back.”
PARK SUNGHOON as PRINCE ADAM ( BEAUTY AND THE BEAST ) !
when you first found yourself at the beast’s—no, sunghoon’s, castle—demanding that he let your father go, you would admit that you almost turned and ran for the hills at the sight of his beastly form. he was the image of the monsters that you read about in all those books you buried your nose in all day, the ones that you lost yourself to fantasy with. but the longer you remained in his care, the more you realised just how much lay beneath the surface of a supposed beast. the way he had so awkwardly tried to pull your chair out for your on the first night you had dinner together, the way he was so hesitant to grasp your hands when you danced, as if too scared he might shatter it; the way he so willingly threw himself before an arrow just to make sure it didn’t touch you…
you called his name with falling tears, watching as he lay limp on the ground before you. his small huffs of annoyance were never so missed as they were now, instead replaced by silence as you continued to shake his lying form, his blood staining your dress. you never even got to say thank you, to tell him you didn’t mean it when you said he was an insufferable and intolerable beast—and now, you would never have the chance again… or so you thought. as you rested your head against his unmoving chest, wallowing in the grief that washed over you like a tidal wave, you failed to notice as the beast you came to knew started to shift into a man, his bare chest healed of any wounds because of the love that you shed in your precious tears. it wasn’t until a human hand cradled your cheek and lifted your face did you notice what had happened, and god was he beautiful—just as he was on the inside.
his lips were raised into a soft smile, and you heart leapt at the sight of small dimples poking his cheeks, and a pair of fangs that looked like a miniature version of the ones he had when he was a beast. “why are you crying?” he asked, his lips pressing a sweet kiss onto your forehead. “did you really think you would get rid of me that easily?” he cupped your face into his warm, large hands, his eyes bearing into yours. “silly girl… i’m too in love with you to leave.”
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zeltqz · 5 months
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selfish | haitani ran
synopsis. haitani ran wants you, but can't have you because it would be considered selfish. content. 12k words (listen ik its long just hear me out..), fem!reader, friends to enemies to lovers, mild fwb situation gone wrong, ran's mother is in prison and gives shitty advice, implied sexual harassment (some creepy junkie, nothing happens though), mildly toxic ran, possessiveness, alcohol mentions, ran says hurtful things when he's drunk. NSFW content. authors note. this was inspired by an ask that i changed up a little because i LUV drama, so anon if you see this and recongise the plot creds to uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu for the idea!!!!
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You were jolted awake by the violent buzz of your phone, muffled by your pillow. You groggily sat up, wiping your eyes and slapped around under your pillow for your phone. Carefully, you rolled to the far edge of your bed and answered. 
“Hello?”
“Come down. I’m outside.”
“Ran it’s…2 in the morning.”
“Just come. I want to talk to you.”
You slipped from your bed, yawning and grabbing your house keys on the way out. Once you were outside, the instant regret of not bringing a jacket hit you as you shivered from the cold. You were about to run back inside, but decided against it when you saw Ran’s car parked at the end of the road, the lights on and the windshield wipers actively wiping away the snow. 
You resisted the urge to dramatically slam the door shut when you got in the car. “There better be a zombie apocalypse happening right now if you think waking me up at 2 am was a good idea.”
“So I can only contact you when the world is ending?”
“At 2am, yes.” You leaned your head back against his car seat, mindlessly closing your eyes to savour onto the lingering signs of sleep. “Why’re you even here? I thought you were out of town.”
“I had plans.” He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel. 
“Like plans or ‘plans’?” His smile turned into a smirk and you grimaced. “Ew don’t touch me.”  He laughed playfully and gestured at your seatbelt. You put it on as he started the car, pulling out onto the main road. 
“So where are you taking me anyway?” you asked, plucking at a loose thread on your pyjama bottoms. 
“Nowhere in particular. Just driving around.”
“Cool. So why am I here then?”
“Wanted company. Is that so wrong?” 
You looked his way, wondering if he was being serious right now. “Why didn’t you call your brother then? Or literally anybody else.”
“Because I wanted to see you.” He glanced in your direction, seeing the stunned expression on your face that you quickly fixed when you realised he was staring. 
You rolled your eyes. “Yeah sure. Whatever.” You yawned and turned to the side to lean against the window. 
“If you’re tired you can sleep.”
“I don’t wanna fall asleep on you. That’s rude.” Another yawn. “I’ll manage it.”
“You hungry?” he asked, pulling up towards a late night fast food drive-thru across the street. 
“Kinda. Now that I think about it, I barely ate all day.”
“Don’t know how you do it honestly.” He was plucking at his baby hairs as he slowed the car to a stop. “Alright whaddya want.” 
You peeked past his body to look at the menu on the wall, the bright lights straining your tired eyes. “Literally anything. I don’t care.” He clicked his tongue and stared at you. You sighed. “I don’t want you to waste money on me.”
“Don’t stress,” he said, waving off your concern with a wave of his hand. You settled in your seat as he rolled down the window. You were distractedly scrolling on your phone to pass time as he spent the next five minutes ordering. 
Looking up, you saw he already had the bag of food on his lap, but instead of handing it to you, his arm is leaning against the window, smirking as he talks to the cashier working the drive-thru. She has her finger twirling her hair, leaning so far from the narrow window you’re surprised she hasn’t fallen out yet. 
“Hello?? Can we go?!” you snapped. 
“Oh, sorry.” The girl leered in your direction, taking you back momentarily before she fixed her features in time when she looked back at Ran. “It was nice meeting you,” she said softly, her voice lacking the same venomous tone she gave you earlier.
“Pleasure meeting you too. See you around beautiful.” You don’t know if he winked or did his signature smirk at her, but it was something of that nature because she had to fan herself to calm the redness on her face as his car began driving off.
You took the bag of food from his lap and ripped it open. “Do you really have to flirt with every girl you meet?”
“Someone sounds jealous.” You weren’t even looking in his direction but you could envision the shit eating grin of his face when he said that.
“I’m not jealous. I just know how to keep it in my pants and not go around flirting with every guy I meet.” You bit the packaging of the straw and poked it in your drink more aggressively than you intended.
“Have you maybe thought that’s because you just suck at flirting?” 
You almost choked on your drink with how quick you moved your head to face him. “I don’t suck at flirting!”
He snorted, taking one hand off the wheel to support his head as he leaned against the door. “Sureeeeeeeee.”
“Don't say sure like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t believe me!”
He shrugged. “I don’t.” He stopped the car at a red light. “Show me how you flirt then.”
You stared down at the food in your hands, contemplating if you should. When you looked up, you saw him already staring at you, waiting. “Fine.” You wiped your hands and set your food back down, putting it back in the takeout bag before shifting to face him on your seat. 
You cleared your throat, readying yourself to speak. The second you opened your mouth, it was like your mind blanked and you instantly closed it again. “This is too embarrassing. I can’t.”
“It’s only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing,” he responded back, shifting his attention back on the road when the light changed to green.
“No. I just know you’re going to laugh at me if I do it.”
“No I won’t.” He put a hand over his heart. “Scouts honour”
“You’re so ridiculous,” you grumbled but laughed nonetheless. “Okay, I’ll do it once we get home. I need time to prepare.”
Ran seemed to agree with that and in the fifteen minutes it took you to get home, you finished your food. He was parked outside your house across the street and you were idly sipping at your drink.
“Alright, ready?” He turned the engine off, leaving the radio still on.
“Wait this is my favourite song.” You inched forward to turn the volume up only to recoil when he slapped your hand away. “What the hell?!”
“Stop stalling.” He ignored the frustrated look on your face. “Show me already. I didn’t drive you here for nothing.”
“You shouldn’t have driven here at 3 in the morning anyway!”
“So ungrateful.” He pinched your nose with two fingers, laughing when you swatted him away. “Show meeee.”
“Okay fine! Fine!” You set your drink in the cupholder and turned to look at him. “I actually don’t know how to flirt.”
“Had a feeling.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Want me to teach you,” he asked gently, looking directly into your eyes. You found it hard to look away in that moment, like so much was riding on your answer. 
You nodded slowly. “Yeah… okay…”
“Alright. Guys love it when you’re confident and can hold eye contact. So hold eye contact as much as you can, but don’t stare like a creep. That shit’s weird. Show ‘em you’re engaged in the conversation when they’re talking about themselves and just stare into their eyes. Shit, that even gets me all fuzzy when a girl knows how to hold it. Had me stutterin’ and shit once.”
You blinked and envisioned a stuttering, flustered Ran in your mind. “Really? Eye contact? That’s all?” He shrugged and nodded. “That sounds really hard to believe honestly.”
“Really?” You nodded. “Reaaaally?” he repeated, extra slow, giving you enough time to back out when you have the chance.
“Yes. Reaaaaally Ran.”
“Tell me what you did today.”
You crossed your arms and looked up at the ceiling. “Well…I woke up this morning…I went to work, had lunch, worked until 4, then came home and studied.”
“In detail.”
“Is that really necessary?” you complained, but the look on his face was completely serious. Sighing, you settled back into your seat. “Okay so I went to bed late as fuck last night and I woke up at like 12 which was so bad because my shift started in fifteen minutes. So I wondered whether or not I should go and—”
“Look at me when you talk.”
You were about to slap him. You sighed and turned to look at him. 
“I went to back late last night and woke up at like…” Your mind blanked, and you struggled to find your words or remember what the hell you did hours ago with him looking so intently at you. “...11 ish? Which was—”
“You said it was 12, no?” he tilted his head, his stare unwavering.
You gulped. “Yes. Sorry. I woke up at 12 and my shift started at 12:15.” Your face burned. Just what the hell was wrong with you. In that moment, you felt like you were out of your own body, spirit you watching as you did nothing but blink uselessly at Ran. You fought the urge to slap yourself and ignore his slutty mind tricks. 
You looked down at your lap only to have him lift your face back to him with a single finger. “You’re not done with your story yet.”
“...right…right.” You cleared your throat again. He leaned forward, forearms resting on the steering wheel, locking his gaze on you. Was Ran always this hot? Surely you’ve noticed it before but not like this, where your mind is focusing only on him, and pushing all other stray thoughts out of the way 
You inhaled deeply and regained composure. “And I briefly considered whether or not I should go in late…but my boss has been kinda mean to me lately and…”
He raised an eyebrow, nodding as he studied your face, and urged you to continue when you stopped talking.
“...so I went in and finished my shift. My boss wasn’t too mad at me which was good I guess.”
“Then what?” His voice was purposefully different than usual, it was lower in that moment, throwing you off balance completely.
Your throat suddenly felt dry. “One second.” You grabbed your drink from before and began taking long sips from it, still feeling the intensity of his stare against the side of your face. Once you gulped half the drink down, you forcefully swallowed your burp, not wanting to ruin the weird, but heated atmosphere in the car with your natural bodily functions. 
“Then I went home to study for my exam on Thursday and fell asleep. Then your annoying ass woke me up and here I am.”
He laughed lightly, pulling back to return back to his seat. “How hard was that? Be honest.” His head rested back against the headrest, smirking at you. “Don’t lie now.”
You looked down at your lap, averting your eyes from his and refusing to make eye contact. You hated that you had to admit that it actually worked, his intense eye contact had actually effected you. He kept urging you until you persisted and you groaned inwardly. “Fine. It worked.”
“Seeeeee?” He jostled you playfully, and you smiled weakly. “I told ya. Anyway, want more advice?”
“There’s more?” Was the eye contact not enough? You didn’t even want to think how much power this man has. 
“Yeah. Say his name a lot. Drives me crazy when I hear a girl say my name.”
You snorted. “Sounds oddly narcissistic of you,” you retorted before you could catch yourself. “Sorry.”
“(Y/N),” he called your name in a deep, rumbling tone that had you internally shut down and log off. 
Once you came back, you grinned, impressed. “Wow…you’re good,” you admitted, subtly rubbing your hand along your arm to rid it of the goosebumps that seemed to sprout up whenever he spoke to you in that tone. “You’re actually a danger to society.”
“It’s fun making girls all flustered.” His hand rose to rest on your thigh. When you didn’t shrug it off or tell him to stop, his fingers began to caress softly against your skin. His touch felt electrifying, zapping through the fabric of your pyjama bottoms as he continued his actions.
“Something wrong?” he asked teasingly when he saw you struggle to control yourself, clenching your thighs together.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“You’re not gonna tell me to stop?”
“No.”
“I see.” His thumb continued to stroke your inner thigh.
You don’t know what possessed you at that moment, but you grabbed his hand and placed it between your legs. He looked at you, confused and surprised at your sudden boldness. 
You pulled him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, and whispered into his ear, “I can be seductive too, you know?”
Something in your words ignited a flame inside him, something primal and raw when your lips softly grazed down his ear. He turned his head to meet yours. 
“I’m sure you can be,”  he said softly, leaning in to kiss you gently. The kiss was only a soft press of his lips against yours, and your desire to want him to kiss you for real grew stronger by the second.
His hand moved down your body, helping you pass the console to straddle him. One hand slid down the back of his neck as you kissed each other hungrily, your tongue sliding out to meet his. He bit your bottom lip, gently sucking it while running his tongue along the inside of your mouth, slowly parting your lips with his. 
“Fuck,” you breathed out, pulling away to look down at him, resting your forehead against his. You went back in, and the kiss quickly turned heated, hungry and wild. “This doesn’t mean anything, right?” you asked, panting slightly.
He broke the eye contact to look down at his hands on your waist, sliding down to your hips and held you firmly in place, leaving no space between you. “Nah. Let’s just have fun.”
He cupped the back of your neck to bring you in for another kiss, your insides melting as your body temperature rose at the feeling of his rough hands working you over. He fumbled with the drawstrings of your pj bottoms until they loosened, slipping his hands inside, desperate to touch bare skin.
“No panties,” he grinned against your lips, giving you a peck when you flushed. 
“They’re uncomfortable at night…gotta let it breathe, you know?” you mumbled, looking down at his lap. 
He nudged your head up using his own and reattached his lips to yours. His hands continued to explore your body, roaming up and down your back, clutching at your waist. He placed his hand firmly on the back of your head, gilding your head movements into the kiss.
His thumb traced circles on the soft flesh on your hip as your mouth left his to plant open, wet kisses along his neck, teeth nipping and skimming when the radio thought it’ll be a wonderfully convenient idea to switch from the soft music it was playing earlier, to sudden heavy death metal, loud instruments and screaming booming through the car. 
You both jumped apart, your head smacked against the roof of the car, wailing as you winced when Ran started laughing. “It’s not funny!”
He doesn’t stop laughing because why would he, but he at least reached forward, your body on his lap following his movements as he turned the volume down.
“Why do you even have that on your playlist?!” 
“Rindou had a…phase. I hate it too, don’t worry.” 
You continued to rub the sore spot and pouted when you felt a headache blooming, already kissing goodbye to your good night’s sleep tonight. 
“Come here.” He smoothed a hand over the sore spot. “Better?”
“Kinda.” Your sour mood lessens and you start laughing, hiding your face in his shoulder. Your shoulders shook as you struggled to control your laughter. He laughed alongside you, his arms tightening around your body as he pulled you back against him. 
“That scared the living shit out of me,” you panted, finally catching your breath, kissing down the side of his neck. 
He turned his face to properly meet yours. You kissed him deeply, slowly rocking your hips with his as his strong hands squeezed tightly against your ass. After a while, you broke the kiss, your body now craving more than just kissing.
“Stop teasing me,” you complained, pushing him lightly on the chest.
“‘S fun seeing you so worked up,” he said with a shitty smirk, pressing a kiss to your neck. Your head lolled back as he steadily worked his way down the column of your throat, then down your chest.
His fingers bunched around the hem of your shirt, about to tug it off when you looked outside. The sun was still dark, but the promise of sunrise just around the corner as it rounded near 4 am. Obviously people wouldn’t be up and walking around this late, but the thought still made you stiffen.
“What’s wrong?” Ran asked, pausing with your shirt half way up your stomach.
“Can we go inside?” you asked, dragging the tips of your nails along the flat plane of his stomach. Despite having spent the last ten minutes making out with this man, the question implied more and your face burned when his eyes widened a bit. 
You looked down at your hands moving under his shirt, tracing patterns across his skin and bit down a giggle when he squirmed as you hit a particularly ticklish spot, poking his belly button. You took a mental note of that for later…
“You sure you wanna?” he asked carefully. You nodded. “Alright. Let’s go.” 
You quietly stumbled out of the car, holding his hand as you crossed the street to your house. You were fumbling with your keys, hard to find the keyhole in the darkness. It wasn’t helping your focus and accuracy with Ran behind you, fingers caressing your hips and waist, nipping at your neck. You let out a soft moan, giving up with your keys to lean your head back against his shoulder to give him more access before you quickly came to your senses.
“I need to open the door, go away,” you said with a huff, ignoring his laughter as you pushed him away. 
The door slammed shut and you locked it before pouncing on Ran, letting him press you up hard against the door as he hungrily devoured your mouth. His lips branded the soft skin of your neck as he dipped lower, carrying you to your bedroom. You were dropped mindlessly on your bed, bouncing from the impact as he hovered over you, your mind pleasantly blank as you focused solely on how badly you needed him right now.
His fingers slipped down your underwear and you saw stars.
~*~
As you were walking through the aisles of the grocery store, your music was interrupted by your phone ringing. You jerked your phone out from your jeans pocket to stare at the caller ID. Just a long string of numbers. 
“Who is this?” you asked suspiciously, racking your brain for a time you handed your number out to anyone you hadn’t saved.
“It’s Ran. What, forgot about me already?” 
Your mood immediately dampened and you clutched your phone tighter in your hand. “Why’re you calling me?”
“Easy with the hostility, man. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“And you couldn’t have done this, I dunno, in the two months you spent ghosting me? And don’t tell me “easy with the hostility”, I have a right to be fucking mad after you just hit and dipped like that.”
“Hit and dipped?”
“You ghosted me dumbass.”
You heard a loud exhale. “Right… yeah about that.”
“What do you want Ran?”
“I miss you.”
You almost forgot how to breathe. “Areyoufuckingkiddingmerightnow?”
“You heard me. I said I missed you.”
“Let me guess, there’s no other girls available right now, right? That’s why you’re bugging me?” It would be a wild accusation if not for the fact after that night you spent together, his phone buzzed incessantly, the constant vibrations waking you up and you saw notifications of girls in his inbox, sending him the usual “are you up?” text messages, followed up with images of themselves half naked.
He hummed. “Why would there be other girls? I’m talking to you right now.”
“Because you’re you.”
“Ok, but I’m serious though. I miss you a lot.” You found it so hard to give this man any sympathy.
“Well who’s fault is that? Nobody asked you to stop speaking to me after that night.”
“I know I know. I messed up. I just didn’t know how to approach you after that.” He sounded seriously stressed over this, and your face softened for a fraction of a moment before memories of you constantly checking your phone to see if he bothered to open your message yet reappear in your mind; just like that, your scowl is back, sympathy long gone.
“Right. Because THE Haitani Ran gets nervous after sex. Wow, shocker.”
“I mean, you were the best lay I ever had.”
Your traitorous heart stuttered without your permission, making your lips quirk up into a smile. “Really?” You cursed yourself for even entertaining his bullshit, and cursed your body even more for reacting in such a manner.
“Yeah, course you were.”
“Then why’d you ghost me? It’s like you want me to hate you. I swear to god for the life of me I’ll never under male logic.”
“It’s not male logic. ‘S just me, being a dumbass.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“This was different though because we were friends before we fucked, and I didn’t wanna make things weird. I had no clue how to text you after that.” You guessed that made sense, having felt the same awkwardness the morning after waking up sore with him beside you. 
“Oh. Well, it’s only weird if you make it weird.”
“Right. So…can I make it up to you?”
“How?”
“Let’s hang out.”
“Like hang out or ‘hang out’?” Part of you wanted it to be the first one, not wanting to ruin anymore awkwardness in your friendship by sleeping with each other again. But the other part of your body already was hellbent on it being the second, already addicted to the way he makes you feel in bed. 
“The former. But,” his voice dropped lower, “it can also be the latter, if you’re down.”
“I’m down,” you said a bit too quickly for someone trying to seem indifferent.
“Cool. See you tonight then.” 
Before you could say goodbye, he was already saying hi to someone else, and then hung up. Any negative emotions you felt for him was tempered by the excitement buzzing through your limbs as you continued shopping for groceries with a dopey smile on your face, happy you were able to patch things up.
~*~
Time passes since you both agreed to this weird friends with benefits arrangement. All awkwardness is stomped on and thrown out the window, now more open to the matter. Months go by of you losing yourself in his sheets, of him mapping out your body with his tongue, latching his mouth onto your skin and marking you all over. Months go by of you craving his touch whenever you’re alone, picturing his voice in your ear, his presence caging you from above when you’re with other men. Months go by of you both making plans, with you, more than him, staring at your phone the entire day, starting the mental countdown to when you’re next able to see him. 
Life is good for Ran, until the day he dreaded the most every year rolls around. The day he has to visit his mother in prison along with Rindou. Their meet-ups are nothing more than an annual thing, visiting her on her birthday every year. 
“So what have you been up to this year?” she asked disinterestedly. 
Ran could see right through her, can see she’s started using again if the bloodshot eyes and the not so subtle way she rubs her nose were any clue. 
“Good ma,” Rindou responded. “I’ve took up DJ’ing in a few of Dad’s clubs in my free time.”
At the mention of her ex-husband, she sneered. Rindou rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna do that every time I mention him ma?”
“I’ll react however the fuck I want when you bring up that passed around, dried up whore of a man,” she snapped. Rindou doesn’t react, already used to her mood swings and aggressive comments about his father. She jerked her head over to her weirdly quiet son. “And you? What’s your deal?”
“My deal?” Ran asked, matching her levels of indifference. 
“What have you been up to,” she repeated slower, like he was dumb. 
“Nothing.”
“What? Your life is that shit you haven’t done anything for the past year? Nothing at all?” She stared at Ran who responded with silence and a blank stare. “Even I’ve done shit and I’m stuck in this hell hole.”
“Well whose fault is that?” Ran snapped back. Rindou slapped his forehead.
“Listen here you—”
“Ran’s been seeing a girl ma,” Rindou said quickly, hoping that small drop of information about his brother’s life was enough to diffuse a bad situation. 
“A girl?? Who?”
“Just some girl. You don’t know her and never will,” Ran grumbled.
“Is she…?” she gestured at him, at herself. He didn’t respond and she changed the wording of her question. “How did you meet?”
“She’s not involved in what we do ma. If that’s what you’re wondering.”
“Good.” She let out an exhale in relief. “And you make sure to leave her out of it.”
“What?”
She pointed her finger at him. “Don’t pursue this girl because you’re selfish and want to bring her in potential danger. Keep her around, fuck her or whatever it is you do in your spare time that you wanna keep a secret from me, but if you pursue her romantically then you’re a selfish piece of shit.”
Ran stiffened, his glare hardening in her direction. “Keep out of my goddamn business.”
“You know I’m right, Ran. That’s why you’re mad. Isn’t that right, Rindou?” She looked at her youngest son who looked tentatively between them both, staying stubbornly silent. She clicked her tongue and turned back to Ran. “You’d rather put this girl in danger because you can’t stand being alone by yourself. You’ve got issues, Ran. That’s why you haven’t had a relationship longer than 3 months. Correct?”
Ran stared down at the table, silent. 
“Do you care about her?” she asked and Rindou had no idea if he pictured it or not but it looked like she softened for a moment.
Ran didn’t respond, but nodded in slight movements. 
“If you truly care about this girl, you’ll leave her alone. It’s for her own good. Bringing her into your lifestyle is just selfish.”
“Times up,” The officer from the back of the room said, walking towards the table with handcuffs. 
She stood up and placed her hands behind her back. “Do the right thing, Ran.”
“How do you know that’s true though?” he asked.
“Speaking from experience. Look at me, suffering from the actions of your father. He brought me into this lifestyle, and I wasn’t prepared for it. So now I’m facing the consequences. You’re just like your father, Ran. An emotionally distant, sadistic, messed up man. Embrace it or don’t. Try to change or don’t. Either way I don’t care. Just don’t ruin others because of that nature.”
The officer tightened her handcuffs and locked them. “Let’s go,” he said, before escorting her out of the room.
Rindou looked at his brother with sympathy. “You okay?” His hand rose to rest of his shoulder but Ran stood up before he could make contact.
He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned around. “Let’s go.”
~*~
You weren’t sure what was going on with Ran but he seemed emotionally distant. He was no longer affectionate towards you when you both hung out, his response time was a lot slower than it used to be. When you had sex, he was totally fine though, which weirded you out because he would randomly do a complete 180 out of nowhere with the affection. 
“That was amazing,” you said panting as you collapsed back on the bed. Ran hummed in agreement, gathering you in his chest as you cuddled. You buried your face in his neck, the scent of his cologne heavy in your nose.
“I know,” he sighed, looking down and kissing your forehead. You smiled harder, fighting back the urge to giggle and use his warm body as a blanket.
You were playing with the tip of his braid, occasionally twirling it around the tip of your index finger when you decided now was the time to approach the topic that’d been brewing inside you the last few months.
“So…” you traced your fingernail across the spiral tattoo on his chest.
He looked down at you, a lazy smirk on his face. “So?” He kissed your forehead again.
You bit down on your lip and forced yourself to look into Ran’s eyes. “This might sound cliche, or cheesy or whatever but…”
“Doubt it,” he snorted, taking your hand off his chest and linking his fingers with yours, clutching your hand tightly. When you looked stumped for words, he nudged his shoulder, softly jostling you in the process. “What’s up?”
“Well…” God, this was harder than you thought it would be. 
You chewed the skin of your lips as you tried to calm your nerves before you exploded with anxiety. You nearly froze when he placed his thumb against your lip, tugging it free from its brawl with your teeth. 
Fuck it. “I just wanted to know…what are we…?”
It didn’t help your already racing nerves when he froze beneath you, and you swore you could feel the blood in his body stop flowing at that moment. 
He sat up abruptly, sending you sliding off his chest. You blinked uselessly at the muscled plane of his back, grabbing the sheets and clutching it towards your chest, your body deprived of the warmth his body provided earlier now making your limbs go cold.
He scratched his hair and sighed exhaustedly. “I gotta be honest with you.”
You barely found your voice as you softly said, “Go on.”
“I don’t want a relationship right now.”
“Oh.” You quietly cleared your throat, sitting upright and shifting backwards on your mattress until your back hit the headboard. “With me…or?”
“Anyone.”
“So…what was the point of this then?”
“I dunno? I mean I just thought you liked…” he gestured at the both of you, hoping you’d see where he was coming from. When you didn’t and just stared at him confused, he got more frustrated. “You know, this? What were we doing? I didn’t know you—” He sighed again and groaned. 
You felt like your throat was stuffed with cotton with how hard it was to breathe. “But I thought you liked me?”
“I do like you.”
“So then what’s the hold up?”
“Just because I like you doesn’t mean I have to be with you, okay? I’m busy all the fucking time and you’ll just be getting in the way of that,” he said curtly, not bothering to hide the clear frustration in his voice.
Hurt prickled across your skin, your ears felt full as you toned out everything he was saying. He turned to face you, those eyes of his that normally made you flush from head to toe now felt so cold and distant, like you didn’t know who the man in front of you was. 
“Just get out, Ran.” You choked back tears as they threatened to fall from your eyes, but you quickly looked away before they could. He’d seen you vulnerable beneath him many times, but this time was different. You couldn’t—no, you won’t allow him the satisfaction of seeing he made you this upset.
“No wait.” He reached out for you, his heart shattering when you pushed him away, sulking. 
He had a weird feeling in his chest, one that he wasn’t used to feeling, and instead of combating his emotions like a regular person, he discarded them  to the side, pretending they didn’t exist. He sighed exasperatedly and slid off your bed.
You moved to lay down, covering your entire body with your bedsheets as you heard him pack up his things. He silently changed and gently closed the door when he left. Once you heard your front door close, you sat up and wiped your tears, grabbing your phone from your dresser. 
The next few hours were spent watching youtube videos, laughing softly at the comments people left. It made you feel less useless about yourself and tried to desperately take your mind off what just happened prior. Honestly, you blame yourself for even bringing it up. It wasn’t worth ruining a two year friendship over.
Sure, it’s normal to catch feelings for a guy that treats you nice, isn’t selfish in bed and actually takes his time to account for your needs. That doesn’t mean you’re romantically interested in him though, right? Guaranteed it could’ve been any other of your friends, like Sanzu or even Mikey and you would’ve developed those same feelings, right? 
Before you had any time to digest that topic deeper, a text message notification popped up on your screen.
Ran: ok so that was awkward before. Can we talk this over properly?? I dont want to ruin what we had honestly. It…was a mistake to start sleeping together i know. We both had different intentions and i apologise if I sent you mixed feelings. Your friendship is something I value a lot and I don’t wanna lose that. So can we start over??? Just be friends this time? 
You: sure i guess. Sorry if i made things uncomfortable earlier.
Ran: ur good. Ill see you later then?
You: yeah okay
You and Ran had fought many times over the course of your friendship, and each time you both were able to move on like nothing happened. But this time, it just felt different. You felt it.
~*~
“You know it’s 3 in the morning right?” Sanzu rubbed his eyes, yawning obnoxiously. “I mentally check out from 2-10am.” 
“Shut up.” You dig around in his pocket and pull out a box of cigarettes. “Give me a lighter.”
“Since when do you smoke?” he asked, then tacked on, “Oh and I don’t have one.”
“Then why do you have a box of cigarettes then?!” 
Sanzu blinked at your sudden outburst. “Okay first. Calm down. Inside voices, we’re outside right now.” You fought the urge to point out how contradictory it was to use your inside voice outside but let it slide. “Secondly, why are you acting so…”
“So what?” 
“You know…” he looked carefully at you, trying to gauge your reaction if he were to say the words he truly wanted to say.
“If you’re about to say bitchy save it.”
“I wasn’t!”
“Then what were you going to say?” you raised your brow, waiting. He slowly closed his mouth and looked down at the floor in defeat. “Exactly,” you said triumphantly, then exhaled softly and looked around the street for any convenience stores that sell lighters.
“So can I ask why you suddenly want to smoke?”
“I’m stressed out okay?” You began walking towards the 24 hour convenience store across the street, Sanzu following behind you. “I sort of, maybe not, confessed to Ran earlier and he wanted to stay friends. So now I don’t think I can handle being in the same room as him without wanting to die.”
Sanzu yawned again, scratching his eye. “That sucks. I dunno what that has to do with me though.”
“I need company! I feel like I’m going to explode if I’m alone with myself tonight.”
 The bell chimed when you both entered the store, instantly heading over to the counter to buy the lighter. The cashier went to the back to grab the lighter.
“All I’m hearing is that you missed me,” Sanzu teased, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He was expecting you to push him off like you normally do. He definitely was not expecting you to chuckle, hug him back and mildly not in agreement. 
He backed away dramatically, narrowly avoiding stumbling into a display shelf and tapped your shoulder to get your attention. When you turned around, he kept staring gingerly at your face, causing you to raise your eyebrow.
“What?”
“Who are you and what did you do to my friend?”
You scoffed and rolled your eyes, pushing him away from you. The cashier handed you the lighter and you paid him, leaving the store with Sanzu behind you. Grabbing the box of cigarettes, you lit one up and exhaled for the nth time tonight.
“Do you think it’s normal for a guy to just be friends with a girl they used to have a thing with? Or if it’s normal for them to be friends with girls they know like them?”
Sanzu shrugged. “Are you asking the opinion of all men or just Ran? Because nobody knows what that guy is thinking when it comes to women. He’s way too comfortable around girls so probably? I mean, it’ll be in the back of his mind, sure, but as long as you’re not awkward around him it’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“Guess we’ll have to see.” He pulled the cigarette from your mouth and dropped it on the floor, stubbing it out with his foot. At your shocked face, he held his hand out. “I don’t want you taking on bad habits because you’re having an emotional meltdown.”
You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m not having an emotional meltdown.”
“Sure…” He yawned for the fifth time tonight. “If I stay out any longer I’m going to pass out on the street. I’ll see you later, okay?” He pat you on the head, deliberately ignoring your complaint of “don’t fuck up my hair” and made his way home.
~*~
In the time you spent avoiding anything Ran related, that also meant avoiding people and situations that he was guaranteed to be there. It meant you stop hanging out with your mutual friends in groups, stopped going to parties you knew he was hosting. Was it bad your other friendships had to be jeprodized because you were too scared to confront your newfound, fresh start with Ran? Yeah, it wasn’t your proudest moment either. But it also meant you were spending a lot more time with Sanzu and Mikey. Out of everyone in his gang, they were the least close, only talking to each other with work related issues. Sanzu and Ran had this unspoken hatred with each other, that made the two of them avoid each other at all costs, not wanting to start another argument or fight.
That was great news for you because it would mean no impromptu visits, like the incident at Hanma’s house, or no unexpected calls from Ran like when you were hanging out with Kakucho, or no fear that Ran would be upstairs in his room when you were hanging out with Rindou. 
Hanging out with Sanzu more often also meant getting closer with Senju. She’s two years younger than you and you treated her like a little sister. It was her birthday next weekend and Takeomi was in charge of the planning the surprise birthday party, which meant nobody had a single clue who was coming.
If that were the case, you wouldn’t have shown up that day. 
“Ran. Are you going to Senju’s party?” Takeomi asked, exhaling cigarette smoke over the phone.
“Do I have to? I don’t know that girl.”
“I don’t care what you do. Just tell me so I can start planning her shit.”
“Depends honestly. Who’s going?”
Takeomi started listing off the names which included some of Senju’s college friends that Ran didn’t care about, some of their mutual friends like Sanzu (duh), Mikey, Kakucho, you, Rindou—wait, hold up.
“Wait, (y/n)’s going?” Ran cut Takeomi off mid sentence.
Takeomi grunted. “Yes.”
“Fine. I’ll go.” He hung up before Takeomi could say anything. Honestly Ran couldn’t care less about Senju, his only motivation was the thought of seeing you.
The fact he sent you that message, hoping it’ll mend whatever dent was placed in your friendship, only to get slapped in the face when you spent the last four months avoiding him pissed him off to no extent. He wasn’t blocked, he knew you wouldn’t do that to him, but he didn’t have the courage to check either. Maybe this party would be the perfect time to talk to you, to catch up and mend until he could selfishly hold you in his arms again. 
He didn’t spend the whole four months pining over you, the group of girls in his bed would confirm that, but there was an unknown feeling in his chest, something always wriggling at the back of his mind that he knew distantly was caused by you. It was getting annoying, having his shitty mother’s words ringing in the back of his mind every time he thought about making up with you. It took him about three months to realise that he actually loved you, whether that was a fact he wanted to accept or not. That feeling he was deliberately avoiding, was his conscious telling him to stop self sabotaging himself and just tell you how he feels.
He can’t wait to see you next Saturday.
~*~
When Ran says he knew nothing about your life in the last four months it wasn't an exaggeration. He genuinely had no idea who you were with, what you were doing, where and when. So you could only imagine his shock when he sees you’ve somehow become best buddies with Manjiro and fucking Sanzu, the idiot currently sitting between your legs on the floor as you braided his hair. 
You looked so pretty tonight, dressed up semi formal. Your hair and makeup was done in a way that Ran had never seen you in before. Senju sat beside you, talking loudly and making you laugh. Sanzu scrolled on his phone, waiting for you to finish his hair. Mikey sat next to you, his head resting on your shoulder as he looked like he was on the verge of sleep.
If you noticed him come in tonight, you sure hid it well, not even bothering to acknowledge his existence. He was planning on talking to you after Senju blew out her candles, that was until he saw what he did. 
After a load of drinks, everybody was pretty tipsy, including you and Manjiro as you both made out in the patio, his hands caressing your thighs as you sat sideways on his lap. The patio was filled with Senju’s friends in the pool, the smell of barbecue (requested by Senju) filling the air as people hovered around the grill, desperate for some savoury meat. It was hard to see you and Manjiro at first, but he did, as if his eyes were automatically drawn to you no matter where in the room.
Granted he had no right to feel the way he did, he knows that, and his words from that night constantly play on loop in his mind. He told you he wanted to be just friends and you agreed to that, and friends don’t get mad at friends for having relationships. But his boss of all fucking people? He wouldn’t give this much of a fuck if it was Shion or something.
“Drink up bitch!” Sanzu shoved a cup into Ran’s hand, resting his arm on the taller boy’s shoulder as he watched Ran grimace at the beverage.
“The fuck is this supposed to be?” 
“Dunno honestly. Just mixed a bunch of shit together.” Sanzu clinked his cup with his. “You’ll probably wake up tomorrow with memory loss and severe liver damage, but bon appetit.”
“I’m not drinking your mystery drink.”
“Boo. No fun.” Sanzu pouted, taking a big gulp of his drink.
“Why are you even talking to me?”
“Because you look like you’re about to kill somebody and as much as I relate to that feeling, I don’t want any drama on Senju’s birthday. She’ll never shut the fuck up about it. So drink up and enjoy the party dude.” He lifted the cup to Ran’s lips which stayed stubbornly closed until he gave in, making a face as it burned down his throat.
“See! It’s not so bad!” Sanzu slapped his back before walking away, ready to hand out samples of his new drink to random people. 
Fifteen minutes later and whatever Sanzu poured in that drink did wonders, Ran couldn’t help but admit. He got over his sour funk sooner than he’d thought. The liquor running through his veins made him socialise a hundred times better and managed to snag five pretty girls’ numbers tonight. He was currently leaning against the wall, hovering beside this girl he couldn’t remember the name of for the life of him (it wasn’t his fault, he blames it on Sanzu), as she tilted up to whisper provocative things in his ear. She looked like she’d be good in bed, and that was all Ran was thinking about when he saw your hair bounce past him.
Ran looked just in time to see you disappear through a doorway, and he abruptly pulled himself away from the girl before him. “I’ll be back in a sec. Just…do whatever,” he said, not even looking at her as he walked away. 
When he rounded the corner, his stomach did backflips as he saw you yell something to some people inside a room down the hallway before turning around. You almost recoiled when you saw Ran and mentally cursed the fact there was no objects, or people you could hide behind.
You pressed your lips into a wry smile and tried to walk past him before he grabbed your arm, stopping you. “What, so you’re not talking to me at all now?”
“Okay, calm down. It’s been like four months.”
“Which is a long time?” His phone lit up in his hand, a text message of a girl asking where he is with a string of sad faces emojis, and to add fuel to the fire, a tongue and water splash emoji. Ran clicked his tongue and made a mental note to block her when he’s done with this. 
You scoffed. “Sorry I hadn’t been able to entertain you these last four months, Ran. I just assumed girls 1 though 56 had it handled for me.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean,” he said curtly, shoving his phone back in his pocket.
You looked up at him, mouth in a thin line as you hissed, “Exactly how it sounds. Now I have somewhere to be.” You tried to skirt past him but he blocked your way out. He suddenly felt too big, too close, and your simmering temper was beginning to surface. “Ran seriously move.” You tried pushing his chest, but it didn’t work.
“Why? So you can go back to sucking face with Mikey?” Shut up…please, just shut up, sober Ran was yelling inside his head, but the words just came out before he could stop them. Note to self, never drink anything from Sanzu ever again. 
“Sucking face? Why are you…why do you even care?! You’re the one that said “I don’t want a relationship right now” so you don’t get a right to act all possessive over me and shit. Just because you’re too emotionally stunted to maintain a goddamn relationship, doesn’t mean everybody else is like that.” Your chest burnt with anger at his fucking audacity. Seriously, who does he think he is?
“What, so you want a relationship with Mikey, that it? Someone’s who is even more emotionally stunted than everybody in this fucking party combined?”
“And if I do? Is that your business? Whatever my decision is, it’s not up to you. Now get out of my way.” You leaned in close to his face as you glared up at him. His anger gave way into something more heated that made him lick his lips, wondering how you’d react if he were to kiss you right now.  You were about to attempt to walk away when Kakucho stumbled out of one of the rooms in the hallway, slightly tipsy.
“What’s going on? Why are you yelling?���
“Kakucho. Get your boy and tell him to leave me the fuck alone.” You pointed at Ran who snapped out of his stupor.
“Ran, let her leave.”
“Not till I get my answers.”
You pinched your temples, not even bothering to lower your voice as you yelled in sheer frustration, “What answers Ran?! I don’t owe you shit!”
“What’s going on?” Mikey stumbled out of the room you were exiting earlier and his arm instantly found itself on your waist. You were still seething, your heavy breathing only calming down once Mikey’s hand curled a little more around you, pulling you flush against his side.
“Nothing. Let’s go,” you said softly to Mikey, letting him lead you back to the room.
Ran’s anger returned tenfold upon seeing your hand hold Mikey back. “Since when are you two such good friends?”
“That’s none of your damn business,” you yelled back from the end of the hallway, your grip around Mikey tightening significantly.
“Don’t tell me you’re fucking him now? What is he your new boy toy? You’re that desperate?” 
Kakucho slapped a hand on his forehead, regretting not pulling Ran away before he had the chance.
You froze at the door, turning to look at him. In the years of your friendship with Ran, he’d seen you get angry many times, yelling at characters in movies when they do something stupid, yelling at him over the mic when you were playing video games. And in every one of those instances, he was never on the receiving end of your anger. The look you gave him, if it could, would’ve turned him to stone with how irate you looked right now. Dimly, he knew what he was doing was wrong, and if he was sober enough he would've definitely stopped himself from saying those things, but he was hurt, and angry, and those two combinations had him feeling like he had a right to make you feel the same way.
“I’m sorry, what?” You stepped out of Mikey’s grip. “Oh this is fucking rich. The irony right now, holy shit!” You began laughing. “If what I’m doing is considered “desperate” to you, then what does that make you? Pathetic? Huh? Needing fifty girls attention on you every second of every fucking day doesn’t seem desperate to you?”
Your loud laughter began to draw people in the party towards the hallway, interested in the loud argument going on. Kakucho grabbed Ran’s arm, shaking his head as if he could read his thoughts. “Don’t respond. Let’s just go.”
Ran shoved his hand off him, sending Kakucho back against the wall. “Nah I’m gonna respond.” He turned back to you, uncaring of all the eyes watching the scene take place. “You stay bringing up these girls in every single conversation I have with you and shame them like you weren’t proud to be one of them months ago.”
Your eyebrows rose in surprise. “So that’s all I was? A number to you? Enlighten me Ran, what number was I? 34? 52?”
“What fucking difference does it make if you know.”
“It makes no difference. I just want to hear you say it.” You closed the distance between you both and poked a finger into his chest. “I wanna hear you say that you enjoy ruining girls lives by making them fall for you with your shitty words and affection, then running away the second things get serious because you’re a coward afraid of stability.”
He pretended your words didn’t cut as deep as they did, pretended your words didn’t take him back to his mother’s birthday all those months ago, sitting at that table and listening to her spew hot garbage in his face about his personality and issues that he refused to acknowledge.
“That wasn’t the case with you. I didn’t tell you to fall for me.”
“That wasn’t the case? So I’m somehow different? How so?”
“Because—” Even in his drunken mind, he knew telling you he loved you now would only pull you further away than you already were. He pressed his lips in a thin line, and looked away from your oppressive stare. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Because your reasoning doesn’t exist, Ran. Stop searching for nothing. You’re a shitty person and you need to acknowledge that.” You pulled your finger away from his chest and turned around, lowering your voice to almost a whisper. “Now just stay out of my life.” 
He didn’t say anything and only watched you approach Mikey again, the man not even bothering to look at Ran the entire time as he took you inside the room, closing it shut. Ran’s ears were burning and his chest clenched as he realised the gravity of what he’d just done. So much for making amends. 
You went home and instantly blocked his number and cried yourself to sleep that night, regretting even messing with him to begin with.
~*~
“Are you sure this is safe?” you asked, looking around the strange alleyway surrounding you. 
“Don’t be a fucking wuss! Besides, I can fight remember? Nobody’s touching me tonight.”
“Yeah but…underground clubs are scary.”
“I know but that’s what makes this so exciting! Come on, let’s go!” She held your hand firm and tightly in her hand, giving you a reassurance squeeze that did nothing to help calm your raging nerves. 
“Imagine your brother finds you here tonight,” you laughed.
“Oh fuck. Takeomi would probably lock me in a house with no contact to the outside world for years,” Senju responded, shivering at the thought. She led you down the stairs and opened the janky door, leading you inside the club.
The rest of the night proceeded as follows, Senju getting drunk out of her mind; she nearly passed out on the floor from dancing too much, and you guarded the drinks, making sure nobody gets roofied tonight. This club was known for being shady, with drug transactions being held in the bathrooms of this place, and not just regular drugs, hardcore drugs. You had to use the bathroom and decided holding your pee in was much better than relieving yourself in a bathroom that had a woman passed out on the floor after taking too much drugs.
It was scary, and you had your guard up every second, and only felt relieved when you were carrying Senju outside, back through the alleyway to call for a taxi home. “It was soooooo much fun today. I loved it,” she slurred as you picked her up, struggling to hold her upright. 
“Yeah yeah I know. You told me this fifty times already,” you laughed lightly. “Come on, help me a little bit. I can’t carry you all the way, you’re too heavy!”
“I can’t feel my legs~”
“Oh for fucks sake.” You set her agaisnt the wall and caught your breath. You pulled out your phone and decided you had no other choice. You were calling her brother. 
“Who are you calling?” she asked after hearing the phone ring.
“Your brother.”
All traces of alcohol left her body as she practically screamed, “YOU’RE CALLING MY BROTHER?!”
“Relax! It’s Sanzu, not Takeomi. I considered Sanzu would be more understanding about this. It’s not like he and Omi are on speaking terms anymore.”
“Yeah but…”
“It’ll be okay, I promise,” you reassured her, patting her head.
“Hullloooo?” Sanzu’s voice rang through the speakers and you instantly perked up. 
“Sanzu! Hey! We kinda need your help right now.”
“‘M sorta busy right now. Is it urgent?”
“Senju’s kind of passed out right now and I need help taking her home. I can’t do it myself.”
“Senju’s WHAT?!” Takeomi’s voice boomed through the phone; Senju shivered in fear. 
“Sanzu! Why’d you put me on speaker phone you idiot!”
“So I can hear you better! Nothing’s wrong with that!”
You groaned and slapped a hand over your face, whispering sorry to Senju who looked like she was already planning her funeral. 
“Where are you guys right now?” Takeomi asked, sounding positively furious.
You gulped, Senju rapidly shaking her head no no no no. “We’re at this club…” you admitted, giving him the address.
“Wait, that club?” Sanzu perked up. “That place is like known for hardcore ass shit bro. Don’t tell me Senju took anything from there?”
“...she did.”
“Ah shit. Yeah, okay. Coming. It’s really close from here Takeomi. Don’t worry, lets’ go.” He turned his attention back to his phone. “You two. Stay right there—”
“You girls look pretty lonely by yourself.” The three of you froze as a deep voice spoke from behind you. You felt time pass in slow motion as you turned around to look at a guy waiting by the club’s backdoor. 
“We’re not lonely,” you said slowly. “Thanks for your concern though.”
Senju stood up on shaky legs and clutched onto your arms when she felt his stare on her body. “Yeah, we’re fine.”
“Who is that?” Sanzu asked from the phone.
“I don’t know,” you whispered back, clutching the phone tightly.
“Seriously don’t move. We’re heading out right now. All of us, okay?”
“Okay okay.” You had no clue who “all of us” meant, but you didn’t care, not when the guy slowly stepped away from the wall and began walking towards you both. You missed Sanzu calling for Ran to come in the car with them, your attention solely focused on this strange man in front of you.
“How old are you girls?” he asked, not even bothering to hide the shameless way he was gazing you both up and down.
“It’s none of your business,” Senju spat, slowly stepping back when he began walking forward. 
“It’s rude to not answer a question.”
“It’s even ruder to ask personal questions to strangers!”
“Senju, stop. You’re provoking him.” You squeezed her arm roughly, digging your nails into her arm.
“I don’t care! I hate men like him that think they’re entitled to us!”
“Men like me, huh? Go on, babe. Enlighten me on men like me.” 
“Senju just ignore him,” you whispered, panic filling you when you looked down at  your phone to see Sanzu had already hung up. “Sorry but we really have to get going,” you said to the man, bowing slightly before grabbing Senju’s hand and beginning to walk away from him.
You could hear his footsteps behind you and began walking faster until the point where you were running away towards the end of the alley. The end of the alley seemed so far away with how small your vision was as you panicked hearing him begin to run after you. Senju was a faster runner than you and grabbed your hand tightly, leading the way as you both bolted as fast as you could. 
“Stop running girls! I just wanna touch you!” he screamed out, laughing obnoxiously. He was clearly high on something.
Senju bumped into the chest of Takeomi at the end of the alley, and the man came to stop upon seeing Sanzu exit the car, a manic smile on his face.
“You wanna touch my sister huh?” Takeomi gritted out.
“Wow, uh I didn’t mean for—I didn’t know she was—” 
Sanzu walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I think we should have a little chat, huh? Come with me.” He had this strangely friendly smile on his face that sent shivers down your spine. 
Your heart was beating out of your chest and you barely heard Takeomi telling you both to get in the car. He and Sanzu stayed behind and taught the man a lesson, and Senju slipped in the back, taking up all three seat as she laid down, exhausted.
You had no choice to sit in the front seat. The windows were tinted so you didn’t see Ran until you opened the door. You blinked uselessly at him, fingers tightening against the handle. “What are you doing here?”
“Saving your stupid ass, that’s what. Now get in.”
You swallowed whatever retort you had because he wasn’t lying, and as much as you shouldn’t a part of you felt relieved to see a familiar face after that incident. You slipped in the front seat and slammed the door behind you, putting your seatbelt on and looking straight ahead.
Ran got the order from Takeomi to take Senju home first and so he began driving towards the Akashi household. Senju was dead to the world in the backseat, drooling partially on the seat as the fatigue from running finally hit.The two of you sat in silence the entire ride, and Ran exited the car to put Senju inside once they arrived. He locked the door behind him and re-entered the car to see you facing the opposite way, staring out the window.
No other words were said as he dropped you back at your house, and you were surprised you both said nothing to each other the entire time. After sitting in silence outside your house for a while, Ran finally broke the silence.
“Are you fucking stupid?” Ran scolded. “What made you think coming to an underground club was a good fucking idea?”
“Oh sorry, I was just playing the role of the dumb desperate slut that can’t keep her legs closed. Sorry if I gave you a fright.”
“Listen to me,” he said sharply, making you snap your mouth shut. “You could’ve died tonight if we weren’t here tonight you know that? That place you went to, that’s not for girls like you. Not for girls like Senju either. I don’t know what fucking possessed you to be acting this fucking recklessly, but I just hope you know what you experienced tonight was a wake up call. You aren’t built for this goddamn lifestyle, so stop trying to act like you are.”
“...you’re right. I’m sorry, Ran.” You looked down at your lap when the tears started to drop from your eyes. “Tonight was so scary, I genuinely don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t there.”
Ran sighed and you kept sniffling as you heard his door open before slamming shut. You watched him round the car and open it on your end. “W-what are you—”
He carried you out of the car, your legs wrapping around his waist as he kicked the door closed behind him, walking up to your front door. He set you down on the ground and held his hand out. “Keys.”
You swallowed and reached inside your purse, pulling them out and into his hand. He unlocked your front door and once again carried you inside, locking the door behind you. He led you upstairs to your bedroom and set you down on your bed. 
You watched in confusion as he walked over to your chest of drawers and began searching for your pyjamas. Once in hand, he tossed them next to you on the bed, and then walked into your ensuite bathroom. You heard him turn the shower on.
“Get changed and come in here,” he said from the bathroom.
You stripped out from your dress and entered the bathroom, not even bothering to cover yourself in his presence, nothing he hasn’t seen before anyway. He was in the midst of taking his shirt off when you stepped into the shower, the warm water running down your body as you waited for him to join you.
You stared at your feet when he grabbed your soap, placing some on his hand before lavashing your body with soap, rubbing them along your arms and sides. 
“What are you doing Ran?” you finally asked as he bent down to wash your legs.
“What I should’ve done months ago.” His tone left no space for a remark from you, so you stayed silent and let him do what he had to you. Once you were washed clean, he turned the shower off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapped it around your body. “Go and get changed.”
“You need a towel too. I’ll go get one.” You quickly towelled yourself dry before stepping out, returning with an unused towel from your storage. “Here.”
“Thanks.”
You entered your bedroom and got changed into the clothes he picked out for you, then handed him some clothes of his you kept when he used to sleep over all those months ago. You sat on the bed and listened to him change. 
“Are you going to sleep over?” you asked, looking up at him.
“You want me to?”
You nodded slowly, getting into bed. He followed you, giving you some space as he laid down beside you. He had his back facing you, turned away from you and you frowned at the lack of attention.
“...Ran?” you tested, seeing if he was asleep or not.
“What?”
“Why don’t you want me?” you whispered, remembering the last time you were in your bed together. 
“Because I don’t deserve you,” he responded, voice flat and devoid of any emotion.
“Huh?” you asked, confused.
He turned around and looked at you, your eyes glossy with fresh tears. “I uh. I spoke to my mom a few months ago.” Your eyes widened, knowing the estranged relationship he has with her. Why didn’t he tell you this?
“I spoke to her and she uh, gave me a fucking reality check.”
“What did she say?” You shifted closer, close enough that you could see and finally notice the eyebags under his eyes, like he hasn’t had a good night sleep in time, which was strange for Ran as he savours sleep more than anything else in the world.
“A lot,” he sighed exhaustedly, rubbing a hand over his forehead. “Said I was a lot like my old man. That was I was emotionally stunted, sadistic, and a downright shitty person.” His chuckle was so emotionless, you almost reached out and hugged him, but stayed still as he wasn’t finished talking. “Worst thing was she’s right. I can’t savour relationships for my fucking life and when I actually felt something for the first damn time, I fucked things up and ruined it. Nobody else did that. I did. I’m responsible for that shit. I don’t wanna bring you down and you deserve better than me, whether you wanna admit that shit or not.”
He took a moment and you were unsure if you should respond or not. When you were about to, he continued. 
“She told me I’d ruin your life if I pursed you. Told me I was being fucking selfish. Can you believe that shit? And you know what, I fucking believed her. I thought I would do that, that’s why I pushed you away. I wanted you all to myself which is why I continued sleeping with you, which was wrong of me I know, but you seemed happy which is why I didn’t think much of it. Then you had to go fuck with my goddamn head and tell me you wanted me too.”
“...sorry,” you whispered, feeling the breath sweep out from your lungs.
“It’s not your fault, dummy. It’s mine. I—In that moment I should’ve been selfish. I know I should’ve, and every fucking day I regret not doing that shit. But as usual I fucked things up again, then you were gone. I thought we could still be friends so I could at least see you again, but nope. You distanced yourself from me.”
Another tear fell from your eyes, wetting your pillow the longer you heard him talk. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologising. You did the right thing. Keeping you as a friend would’ve been selfish of me. You clearly distanced yourself because you wanted to get over me, but I wanted you all for myself and wanted you in my life at all times, even if that wasn’t what you wanted. Once again, proving my ma right. I’m fucking selfish. Then that stupid party happened and just seeing you with Manjiro made me want to lose my shit. The fact that I wasn’t able to have you because as a guy living this type of lifestyle, it would be considered selfish. But yet Mikey was? How come he was allowed to be selfish and I wasn’t?”
“It’s not selfish Ran,” you finally got a word in. “I didn’t even like Mikey like that. We were just drunk and horny. I never dated him. In fact, I hadn’t dated anyone since I was with you. Nobody else made me feel the way you made me feel and it was selfish of me to want you when you didn’t want me back at that time. We’re allowed to be selfish Ran. Don’t let that stop you from getting what you want.”
Ran’s eyes were wide as he listened to you talk. When you finished, he shook his head. “My level of selfish and yours aren’t the same. In my world, if you’re vulnerable it can get you killed, or put in a bad situation where you have to take a live, or have yours taken. You don’t need to be involved in that. That’s why I can’t be selfish.”
“But—”
“No. Buts. Go find a nice accountant to date or whatever. You don’t need me tying your life down.”
You frowned. “I don’t want an accountant though.”
“Why not? You always said you wanted to marry rich.”
You shifted closer, flush against his. “I never said it had to be good money though.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek.
He looked down at you. “You’re fucking crazy,” he said with a light laugh, and you were happy you were able to break the ice.
You wrapped your arms around his shoulder, pulling him closer till your noses touched. “You love it though.” 
“Damn right I do.”
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youneedsomeprompts · 5 months
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how do you make a couple fight without completely cementing the relationship as toxic? what do 'healthy' couples even fight about???
as someone with zero experience regarding arguing with someone whom i didn't immediately cut off afterward because of how it was handled, i've struggled with writing this concept forever 😭
send help pls :')
Every couple fights. Fights and disagreements are a part of a relationship just as much harmony and agreement. It's highly unlikely that there is a person with whom you always agree on every aspect. So, sooner or later you'll reach a point of disagreement and that can be about anything really.
A lot of couple fights are about the most trite things. Who does the dishes? Why doesn't the other want to do me that favour? No, I never said that. You must remember it wrong.
We are the most honest and blunt but also the most vulnerable with the people closest to us. That makes siblings fight a lot and it often makes couples fight more than good friends. Paired with love, these fights don't have to make a relationship toxic. Partners fight about whose turn it is to do the dishes. One ends up having to do it, and the other thanks them for it, promising to do it the next time. I think what is important when writing a 'healthy' fight is to show that even when they fight they still care a lot about the other. If it's a bigger fight, they're thinking about the other a lot afterwards. They feel bad about it afterwards, they're thinking about how the other feels now, they don't like making the other feel bad, they're crushed to find out that they're causing the other's misery. Their heart can't be at peace until they've apologised and made up.
Another sign of a healthy relationship is that minor fights aren't a rarity but are handled well. They can fight about the TV remote and it's not giving their relationship a crack or making them doubt their partner's love. Communication that is well-balanced between two partners and supports a symmetrical relationship doesn't exclude arguments but makes them a means to a functioning life together.
I made a few prompt lists about couples fighting and they are all meant to apply to healthy relationships. Here is an excerpt from a prompt list about minor fights to give you an example.
1. A: "I wanted this cookie!" B: "But there is another one." A: "That's not the one I want." 2. A: "Stop looking at me so weird!" B: "That's just how I look!" 3. A: "That's nonsense! I didn't hug you less than usual!" B: "Yes, you did! Don't try to trick me! I know exactly how long you're hugging me usually and this hug wasn't the same. So I don't approve of it as a real hug. Again!" 4. A: "Get me the remote, please." B: "Why don't you get it?" A: "I asked you a favour!" 5. A: "But it's my turn!" B: "No, it was your turn last time!" A: "That's not true! I remember it clearly!" the full prompt list: ~ FIGHTING OVER SILLY STUFF ~ OTP PROMPTS
other prompt lists about a couple arguing:
~ ARGUING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE ~ DIALOGUE PROMPTS
~ FIGHTS OVER A GIFT ~ DIALOGUE PROMPTS
~ JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY ~ PROMPTS (this could turn toxic but you can use most of these for healthy couples)
I hope this helps you. I realised I just rambled a lot; hopefully, it makes sense :)
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scribblesofagoonerr · 14 days
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— found family | inner demons prologue
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pairings: leah williamson x teen reader
summary: reader discovers that family isn't always blood
This is a sort of prologue to inner demons, some background of readers' life in the early years when she transferred to the club.
Also, this is rewrite as I wasn't happy with the original that I posted.
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There's always been tell-tail signs that you should've recognised, all throughout the past several years and yet you will still so obviously blind to it all.
It wasn't easy to come to terms with things, but the realisation of it all didn't sit right at all, and in turn you weren't exactly sure how to cope with it all.
It was clear as day for everyone else around to see, your mother was a complete narcissist, she was manipulative and gaslighting. It was something that she had been doing your whole entire life, always making you out to be the bad day in every situation and acting like she was the victim.
How were you so obliviously blind to see that?
You guess your niave self choice to always refuse to believe it, it was the easiest option to just do that.
Looking back to the last several years, your childhood was full of moments like it, but of course you had always thought that your upbringing was completely terrible, it could have been a worse situation.
Growing up, it was only ever the 2 of you, you and your mum. Your parents split up when you were little, the seperation was messy and ever since that day, you'd always been to blame for the reason that it never worked out.
You had always wondered how exactly could it be your fault? You were 3 years old when your dad walked out, so how could it be like that?
"You were always to much to handle, Y/N. He couldn't cope," Your mum would make the excuse, all of them long nights when you would have your tiny arms wrapped around her and sob your little heart out when you asked where he was.
"I'm here, you've got me. You've only ever got me," Her words were imbeded in your head from the day that you'd decided to try and have an open conversation about the possibility of finding your dad, "Why go and find him? Haven't I been good enough. I'm the one that's looked after you for all of these years, and yet this is the thanks that I get in return!?"
It was always something like that, a way to guilt trip you and you always ended up feeling for it.
Her manipulation was completely toxic, of course you didn't realise it until later on in life.
Eventually, you just choice to accept that for the reason that you had such an estranged relationship with your dad.
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"Aren't you happy for me? I made it, mum!" You exclaim, you were so happy enough to share the news with her, but you were left so dumbfounded by her response which left you feeling shame and judgement for even wanting to tell her.
The harsh statement of this current conversation with the older women is leaving a bitter taste in your mouth and make you question every single thing in life.
"Yes, you have made it Y/N, but you know, you only have me to thank for that now, don't you?" Your mum once again found a wa to make it about herself, regardless of the situation.
It was always and only ever about herself, no matter what type of news you wanted to share with her. Why was so selfish to not care about you?
"I'm sure that you can find some way to thank me though," You listen to your mum continue to talk and you resist the urge to scoff, "After all of these years and the amount of money I have spent on football boots for you, you'd be nowhere if it wasn't for me and I think you owe me now, don't you?"
Her words stun you and there's a lot of emotions that are building up inside of you. Ultimately you feel confused, how can she manage to twist this to make it all about herself, but of course shes' quick enough to make an excuse to end the call when she grows bored of talking to you.
You should know better, every single phone call has the same pattern to end the same way and you always leave with a pang of guilt for making a life for yourself.
It turns out that this phone call was no different either.
You are so excited to spill the news of making it into the senior squad of the national team, however the excitement soon fades and now you're replaced by mixed feelings of confusion, anger and upset instead. You fight to hold back the tears during the initial phone call but now its' over, you feel on the verge of a breakdown.
You feel like your news is a big deal, you've only been a part of the arsenal women's first team for shy of a year but it feels like such a massive achievement to be selected to represent your country and straightaway, the first person you thought-- you wanted to call was your mum. You thought she was going to be so pleased for you, so excited about it but you can't be further away from the truth.
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The conversation happened a week ago, yet you still couldn't let it escape your mind.
Ever since the phone call, you had tried to distance yourself from her but even that hurt to do. The women was the only blood related family member that you had, it had only ever been the two of you, sticking together through thick and thin.
"You seem quiet tonight," Your guardian and fellow team member, Leah, perches on the arm of the sofa as she looks at you in concern, "I'm about to start cookin' tea soon. How do you feel about chicken nuggets and smiley faces?" She wonders.
"That sounds good to me," You shrug your shoulders and glumly stare staight ahead at the wall in front of you, the TV is playing but you barely even pay attention to whatever it is that's playing.
Its' been a long day with training ahead of a crucial game in the season, but all you can think about right now is the conversation you had with your mum a week ago previously on a constant loop in your head.
You still can't help but think about the conversation; The bitterness, the manipulation, every single time you thought about it, it made you think of every single time that something else happened like this throughout the years.
Maybe your childhood wasn't as great as you really thought it was?
"Okay," Leah nods and smiles in agreement but she doesn't move away just yet, "Is there anything that you want to talk about at all, bubs?" You know she's only asking for a bit more insight on your current mood, after returning from her own rehab session to find you shut away in your bedroom, the entire shift in mood was concerning to her.
The usual car rides over the past week had been quiet instead of the raised music level and sarcastic comments that the blonde was used to, replaced instead by the quiet, dull mood with you slumped against the car door and staring out of the window.
Leah definitely knew there was something wrong with you.
"Nope, I'm fine," You stand firm on your reply, shaking your head and keeping your eyes glued on the TV screen, choosing to look anywhere other than at the blonde, who would be able to see right through you in seconds.
"Are you sure?" Leah questions, furrowing her eyebrows in concern as she could see the tears welling up in your eyes, "Bubs, what's the matter? You look like you're gonna cry," She notes, worriedly.
"I... I'm fine," You mumble, fighting to keep the tears at bay until you can escape to your bedroom and allow yourself to be vulnerable when you're alone.
You always feel complete shame to show any sort of vulnerability in front of anyone, let alone the blonde defender who has taken you under her wing ever since you joined during the transfer window of 2022.
Crying only shows signs of weakness, you refuse to be seen as weak.
"Okay," Leah exhales a sigh and taps your knee gently, deciding to drop the subject when she realises you aren't be open and talk about things, "Its' okay if you don't want to talk about it, but just remember that I'm always here to listen, alright? Anytime that you want to talk, I'm here,"
Unforuntately, you are too stubborn to not give in and blurt everything out there and then to her. You feel like you still need time to wrap your head around the idea and see things for how they really are now.
"Uh huh. Thanks," You murmer in repsonse, getting up from the sofa and shuffling away to the confined space where you can be alone.
Leah exhales another sigh and shakes her head, heading into the kitchen to make a head start on dinner but she can't help but still be worried about you. Of course the women knew better than to try and get you to talk if you didn't want to though.
The blonde has always been around to witness moments like this and the backlash of it, you hadn't told her outright what was going on but she already had an idea what it was about.
All of your upset stems down to the one person causing you to be like this and she hated it every time you were left upset when you spoke to her.
Every single time you and your mum spoke, you would always become quiet and be in a general bad mood, often resulting in lashing out at people around you as a coping mechanism.
You know that all the arsenal girls have their own opinions on your mother, but they would never voice them out loud to you, because you wouldn't agree with it, but you knew it. They know it wouldn't be fair on you as the youngest member in the squad, even after the countless times they had seen the girl upset by her own mums actions.
You were so grateful for every single of the girls on the team, Leah especially, she'd always been there for you since day one.
Ever since you moved in with Leah, there's been several nights where she would be the one to comfort you and pick up the pieces, waking up in the middle of the night to hear your heartbroken sobs and feel her own heart shatter every single time, wanting nothing more than to take away any sort of pain that you were experiencing.
It was heartbreaking for all of the team to witness and always sought out to comfort you, they knew no matter what they said, it still wouldn't stop you contacting our mum.
Ultimately, it was your own decision to make soon enough when you turn 18 and until then they would be there to pick up the broken pieces when your mum let you down.
It happened time and time again, unfortunately.
You have lashed out way too many times as a result of that.
None of the girls ever took it to heart of course, they were old and wise enough to realise that none of your anger was directly aimed towards them and there was much bigger issues to be dealt with.
They have always vowed to support you, regardless of what happens in the long-run.
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"I... I should've realised sooner," You think to yourself as you lay crumpled up in your bed that following night, its' almost 4 am in the morning, but you were still wide awake with your thoughts spiraling.
You can't help but think about things, replaying every single conversation with your mum that you have had, the numerous times that you've started to talk to her and she's cut you off with her own problems.
Why was it always like this? It wasn't fair.
The first mistake was ignoring her gaslighting this whole time.
The second being that you believed her manipulation for years, always twisting things to make it seem like she was the victim in the different situations - first when you were a child and even now as your nearly an adult.
Why had it taken you so long to finally realise it after all of these years? Why couldn't you have just realised it sooner?
Without much realisation to the current moment, your sobbing aloud with a tight clutch of your pillow. The pent up anger is replaced by sadness and loss, your grieving the loss of a women who you have always seeked the approval off and now you realise you can never have it.
The phone call was the last chance, the reality of it all coming to light.
Every time you have now learned to understand that youwhen speak to her, it's nothing but a vicious cycle of emotional abuse, something you were so oblivious to believe.
As much as you didn't want to believe it, it's true. Its' clear as day of what it is but yet, you still find it hard to believe it.
It's your mum, your flesh and blood, so could she be like that?
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The sound of your sobs were what woke Leah up, she's quick to pad out of her bedroom and push open your bedroom door to find you crumpled up in your bed, "Bubs?" The women stands in the doorway of your bedroom, her heart cracks to see you looking so distraught and vulnerable.
Without any hesistance, the blonde is quick move to be beside you on your bed and envelope you in a warm hug, "Its' okay, its' okay. I'm here now," She's quick to comfort you, she wouldn't ever stop doing that as long as you need her, "Let it all out, I'm right here," She adds.
Leah keeps you in her arms, gently rocking you as she runs her slender fingers through your messy bedhead, "Just let it all out, alright? I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," She reassures you.
As always, she's patient enough to wait for you to calm down before she gives you chance to speak, she won't ever push you to talk if you don't want too.
"L... Le," You cry aloud, clutching onto her tightly. Your breath becomes more shaky as sobs wrack your body, trying to find the words but nothing wants to come out of your mouth right now.
"I'm here, it's okay," Leah repeats in a calming voice, continuing to try and comfort you in the best way that she knows, but she already knows it's going to be a long night ahead of them, or day rather.
An emotional night that will leave you drained tomorrow for sure.
A vicious cycle on a loop, once more.
"Ready to tell me what's going on inside that head of yours now, hm?" The blonde quietly asks with caution, already having a feeling that she knows the answer to that question.
There's a brief pause of silence in the room and the blonde thinks that you wouldn't talk, but regardless of that, she still continues to comfort you and reassure you that she's here and not leaving at all.
To Leahs' surprise though, you do start open up this time though and the words spill out of your mouth without you even thinking about it.
"I... It's my mum," You mumble quietly, making the mistake to speak aloud than think it like you thought you have done, "I... I should've realised. I should have done,"
Leah furrows her eyebrows on confusion, "What should you have realised, bubs?" she questions about what you mean.
Snapping your head in the blondes' direction, you bite your bottom lip and debate whether to be open with your thoughts that you have been trying to buried.
"I should have realised about my mum, she's so... she's so toxic," You admit as you try to fight more tears from spilling, "Why does everything I tell her-- Why does it always get turned back around so its' about her?"
There it is. You've blurted it all out in the open, your feelings were laid out now and there's no more hiding how you feel.
Leah smiles sadly and continues to hold you in her arms, "I... I'm sorry bubs," she speaks honestly.
"So many people, so many people have told me-- They've warned me, you've warned me about her, but I... I never wanted to listen, did I?" You confess, the tears spilling again and you don't care a less if you look like a blubbering mess right now, but you still can't stop the emotions pouring out right now, "And now... now I finally realise how its' always been. Why is she like this, Le?" You question.
"I can't say I know the answer to that one, bubs. I wish I knew," Leah replies, exhaling a sigh as she can't fathem herself how your mother can be like to her you, her own child.
The blonde feels so much for you, your still so young and she always wished that she can make the situation better for you.
"Listen, I know its' hard but you've got us. All of us girls here at arsenal, we're all here for you and you're so loved by all of us," Leah continues to tell you gently, running her slending fingers through your hair.
"I... I just want her to love me, and she just... she doesn't even care about my feelings!" You state, roughly trying to wipe at your tear stained cheeks to the point where you made them red and angry, "Why does she always throw everything back in my face? Everything that I have ever done, she makes it about herself. Always!" You cry.
"I know, I know it hurts... I know that it does," You keep your head buried in the blondes' chest as you hiccup from the sudden breakdown in the middle of the night, "And I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I'm so sorry, because it's not fair on you, bubs," She adds, trying to comfort you in the best way that she can for you.
The whole wave of emotions leave you feeling entirely exhausted in the end, you are trying to fight to keep your eyes open as you lie slumped up against the blonde.
"Come on you, lets' get you back into bed, yeah? I mean you're almost falling asleep on me here, bubs," Leah notes your exhaustion and is concerned for your lack of sleep, trying to get you to crack a smile even as it feels impossible right now, before she gently moves you to lie back in bed.
"M' not tired," You mumble, trying to protest against the idea of sleep.
"I don't think thats' true now, is it?" Leah chuckles, tucking you into bed, "I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this now, bubs, but you know that you have a family here with us. We may not be blood, but we really do love you so much," Before you know it, your eyes are fluttering shut but you don't miss hearing the blondes' words before she presses a gentle kiss against your forehead.
You really had found your family here at arsenal.
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© scribblesofagoonerr
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muntitled · 1 month
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬
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Pairing: Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader
Summary: "Kylo was nothing if not a sadist,"
Warnings: Language, WarPrisoner!Reader, Toxicity, Weaponizing Hux, Humiliation, God Complex, Jealousy, Possessiveness, Smut +18 (Minors DNIA, DEAD DOVE FIC, Dark fic, Sadism, Masochism, Inexperienced!Kylo, Ownership Kink, Dry humping, Forced sex, Spitting, CNC, Dubious Consent, Massive Degradation Kink, Inappropriate Use of Force, Choking Kink, Size Kink, Impact Play, Groping, Breast Play, Premature Orgasm, Controlled Orgasm, Dom/Sub themes, Dom!Kylo, Sub!Reader, Brat Tamer!Kylo,;Bratty!Reader, Slight!Exhibition Kink, Humiliation Kink, Inappropriate Mind Reading, Overstimulation, Dirty Talk, Mentions of Rape, Fingering, Rough Sex, Dacryphilia, Gagging, Subspace.
Do not read this if you're incredibly sensitive to violent imagery. If this doesn't make sense don't say anything or i'll cry <3
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As Hux walks diligently ahead of you, you could not tell by his tense shoulders and his palms clasped behind his back that he was following the duties of a madman.
While he escorts you, Hux thinks back to his slip-up with Ren.
The way he shouldn't have mentioned your name in a comprehensive report about the overall running of the Starkiller. The way he should've known how dangerous Kylo is when it comes to anyone taking even the vaguest of interest in playing with his toys.
"Despite having the accolades of an established pilot for the resistance," Hux had said moments earlier when Kylo was pacing up and down his private chamber, "Your prisoner refuses to put any of her skills to use aboard the Starkiller. She's essentially useless dark matter," He uttered his words rather clumsily. As if forgetting he was reporting to a beastly excuse of a man.
Hux only realises his mistake when Kylo stops his various pacing to turn slightly. His unmasked head tilts to the side as he advances on Hux in a low, large gait. Everything about the boy being so unnaturally large.
"My prisoner?" He steps closer, "Or the First Order's?"
Kylo's laugh appears unnatural without the mask. Not any less intimidating but certainly, frighteningly human.
"You act as if my will is not synonymous with that of the First Order, general," Kylo's blood runs fucking cold at the thought, "You insinuate that I keep her here out of my own free will,"
"Well, we all know how much a boy fancies his toys," Hux's degradation causes Kylo's Adam's apple to bob and a deep frown settles over the boy’s face. Whatever weakness Hux was accusing him of, it rattled the foundations of his already fragile ego and Hux smirked.
"Go tell her I wanna see her," the first command left Kylo's lips in a fairly controlled and monotonous manner. The second however... "FUCKING NOW!"
Robotic inclination bleeds from the mask of the stormtroopers “Yes Sir-”
Without sparing the stormtroopers so much as a single glance, Kylo spat, "Not you, fucking degenerates," Kylo stares Hux down as he steps towards him. His voice is ice cold. "I want you to summon her," he takes immense pleasure in the way Hux's smile drops.
Kylo has observed the glances Hux throws your way and it makes his fucking stomach turn. He's seen the uncomfortable leering and the lecherous thoughts. Kylo was nothing if not a sadist. Humiliating Hux using the object of his desires.
He wants you and that makes Kylo want you even more... Violently so
"Where are you taking me?"
You could feel the rest of the crew watching your every movement as you trailed behind General Hux like you were compelled to do so by some unseen leather leash. You cannot help but feel as though you have done something very bad and very naughty.
You try to rid yourself of these thoughts immediately.
Perhaps he was taking you to see the vermin underneath the mask.
That thought should not sprout such a deep desire within you. Kylo was your captor and yet, he fascinated you more than anything ever could.
"At least slow the fuck down," You breath out, trying by all means to evade all eye contact with curious onlookers.While you walk you try to keep your head high and appear unaffected by their piercing glares. Every stormtrooper, navigator, pilot- even down to the measly technicians all keep their eyes trained on you and you glare back. Leering your head forward with narrowed eyes because being held captive on the Starkiller was punishment enough. You would never allow yourself to be intimidated by the judgemental stares.
"Do you ever plan on disclosing our destina-"
You're interrupted by a sharp and loud hiss before two doors part. Your eyebrows furrow before you're dragged into the chamber, quite literally against your will. You did not wish to get acquainted with any more rooms on the Starkiller. Hoping that one of your comrades in the resistance might have saved you long before you ever had to make this ship your dwelling place. But you've only crawled deeper into the Starkiller's core and you find yourself here, standing before him in his black cowl with his hands clasped behind his back.
The room is as lifeless as the rest of the vessel. The bed, colourless and hard. The only signs of vibrance is the east window depicting a slab of stars in hyperspace.
"I am told you've made yourself fiercely unlikable in the flight deck.” Kylo says, completely ignoring your slightly shocked experience at seeing him without his helmet.
“That's what this is then?” You turn briefly to make eye contact with Hux before turning to Kylo with one arched brow, “I'm being scolded now?”
“You're insolent when given any orders,” he oaces before you while Hux stands behind you by the door, “You disobey at every given turn and you're resistant. Vexingly so.”
“How clever of you, it seems as though you'd only just discovered a key characteristic from a member of the resistance.” You say with a smirk, “Clever, Clever boy."
“It's that mouth of yours that's gonna get your head slain from your very shoulders.” Kylo advances you like a midnight storm and you fight to stand your ground.
“I have grown terribly bored of this place,” You say, “Perhaps even death might be more eventful then whatever you are, Kylo.”
Before Hux is able to make his escape Kylo grabs at your throat, encircling his hand around your skin like a vice until he is forcing you to look at Hux ahead of you.
"This is what you want?" He isn't speaking to you but to Hux, pushing your cheeks together in a painful display of humiliation. "This is what's been plaguing that mind of yours-"
"I've no time for this-"
The very last thing Hux is able to see before he leaves Kylo's quarters, is your frightened eyes and Kylo looming behind you. A mere mouse being imprisoned by a God.
You make the mistake of thinking that Hux's absence might soften Kylo's resolve, but your time as his captive should have let you know that there was nothing soft about this man. Nothing at all.
"You should be grateful, you know that?" His lips graze your head and you're suddenly hyper aware of his proximity.
You're hyper aware of the closed metal doors that were probably being guarded by a pair of heavily armed stormtroopers. There is no escaping the clutches of this monster behind you.
And yet; you still find yourself scoffing, "I should be grateful?" You ask, hoping to assimilate every shred of confidence you had left, "I should be grateful to be your prisoner-" you wince when his grip on your jaw tightens and he's wrenching your face until you're craning your neck backwards to face him.
Large, looming, and completely fucking livid.
"You should be grateful that you're still fucking breathing, you brat-"
And then, a very strange thing occurs.
Since the moment Kylo had wrangled you off your home planet, you had sworn to be nothing but defiant. In honour of everything you stood for, you would never let him see you weak and yet here you are, carelessly allowing the faintest of whimpers to slip through quivering lips.
The sound confuses Kylo initially. In fact, he cranes your head back further, not caring whether you were comfortable or not as he bends down, appearing to inspect your mouth for that peculiar sound further. He squeezes your cheeks lightly, prodding the round tissues of fat as if fervently trying to search for whatever button might allow for that little sound to spill from your lips again.
"How completely and utterly curious-"
"You're fucking hurting my neck-" the fire returns and with it, comes your will to wrench your face out of his grip. You're only able to get free because he lets you and you know this.
"What..." Kylo bends even lower towards you and you turn your head to face the blank wall ahead of you. Evading eye contact with this man was nothing if not crucial. "What was that sound you just made-"
"It appears as though hearing nothing but the cries of utter doom and damnation has defamiliarized you to the sound of pleasure, Ren-"
Your breath is wiped clean from your throat not even a second later when you steal a look downwards at a gloved hand interlocking itself around your throat once more. Seemingly his favourite place.
"All the praises that could fall from your mouth..." Kylo drawls before pressing himself firmly against your backside, "All that you could say to worship the hand that feeds you and you still choose to be insolent-"
You try to escape his death grip but he doesn't let you out this time around. All you can do is be thankful that he had the decency to allow you to breathe.
"That's all you fucking know how to do right," Kylo's lips are at your ear and your knees buckle. "Insolence. Insolence. Insolence." Your legs give out, but before you're able to topple to the ground in a puddle of your own lustful perversions, his other hand curls around your waist, keeping you firmly pressed against his front.
“Today's the day you fucking obey," he whispers, "Understand?"
"I-I-”
Kylo is not sure how he does it, or why he does it, or where he got the understanding to do it, but his hand makes its very slow descent from your collarbone, to the spot right above your pillowy breasts. Clad in nothing but your knee length tunic, a garment stitched with fibres indigenous to your homeplanet, you suddenly feel incredibly naked and incredibly exposed. What was once an act of rebellion, is now your undoing.
"There is a way to make you disobey isn't there?" You can hear him becoming excited. "Every cattle has their price. What's yours?" Before you're able to turn and possibly beg for some sort of mercy, he's already in there. The stuff Kylo sees digging around in your mind, is enough to have him staring off into hyperspace. His eyes are trained on nothing at all as he rapes your most memories and most private desires. All while drawing you impossibly closer, until his mouth was buried in your hair and his hand was closing around your left breast. You squirm underneath him until finally, he's released from your stupor.
You did not dare turn around to look at him, in fear of seeing his dark eyes dilated with enlightenment.
"How barbaric." He whispers. "That's what I have to do in order to get you to listen to me,"
"I-I don't know what you're-"
"Open your mouth." Before you're ever able to interject even a single word, Kylo's hand is digging into the skin of your jaw, "Do I have to do it for you- open your mouth-" He wrenches your mouth open and cranes your neck back once more.
"That's it," You're absolutely frightened to see the violence that has darkened those irises. This is the look that's shielded behind the mask during times of battle. This is that look no one got to see.
Yet here you were.
"You're so fucking filthy, you know that?" You're nodding before your brain is aware of it, "You're a filthy, perverted little creature," one by one, your inhibitions slipped away from you until you could feel yourself become completely and utterly dumb for him. Your mind becomes a tabula rasa as Kylo bends his heavy frame downwards, spitting directly into your open mouth. There it is. That whimper he wanted to hear so badly.
You're not even aware of his hand reaching around your front until he's parting your legs with determination. "Is this where you want me?" Your mouth hangs open and you look up at him glassy doe eyes as he cups your drenched heat. Kylo locks his full lips and presses his front impossibly closer to your backside. "This whole time I've needed to get you in line, and the answers been here this whole fucking time?" A gloved hand swipes your underwear to the side and the wind is completely knocked out of you when Kylo pushes his fingers in immediately. He fucks his fingers into you with zero restraint and zero preparation, and the roughness has your eyes nearly rolling to the back of your skull as you grow limp in his grip. Lucky for you he's so large, lucky for you he might as well be a stone wall behind you, letting you lean against him with your long legs spread wide for his absolute assault.
"Look at me." He says, holding you against him by your throat while his index and middle finger violate your soaking cunt. Despite his orders you're still a drunken, blundering mess with half lidded eyes, promising to keep you locked away in your pleasure.
"If you don't fucking look at me, I'll stop and you'll suffer." He squeezes your clit quite painfully, immediately bringing you out of hedonistic stupor-
"FUCK- WHAT THE FUCK-"
"Do you want me to stop?" He asks, with a note of cockiness that had your brows furrowing.
"Are you stupid?! Of course I don-" before the curse could even escape your mouth in its entirety, Kylo's blocking out your airways. You fight to scratch at his gloved grip around your throat but his grip is fucking metallic.
"Look at how docile you look when you're not running your mouth,"
Your insides were screaming for oxygen, yet your hips rut against his hand. Kylo slyly adds a third finger inside your slippery cunt. "What a whore," he whispers, causing you to fuck forward against his hand, nearly humping yourself to completion as the blood flow to your brain seems to stop completely. You need oxygen and you need to cum. You just don't know which you need more.
"You're nothing but fucking filth-"
Your mouth opens to let a moan escape but it never does, and Kylo watches your struggle with a pained expression of his own.
"F-Fuck, I've never seen anything so vile-"
You were slipping. Whether it was into unconsciousness or an orgasm you couldn't tell. "If you pass out I will fuck you," he whispers, "There's not fucking escaping me-"
And in that very moment, Kylo unlocks the invisible grip on your airways and suddenly you can breathe and cum. Almost immediately you're slipping into a violent, damn near supernatural orgasm that has you seeing every star in the known galaxy.
"F-FUCK- oh my-" You're rutting against his hand, tongue lolling out all while Kylo continues to fuck his fingers into your cunt.
"That's it," He whispers, "Cum for me, you useless fucking whore-" Every vile sliver of degradation causes a fresh wave of pleasure to roll through you until the first droplets of tears are rolling down your cheek.
"Don't fucking do that," he whispers, pulling you closer than ever, "Don't fucking do that unless you want me to fuck you right now-"
He watches the tears roll down your face and absolutely loses it. Now suddenly aware of his own cock aching in his pants.
"K-Kylo please-" You try to push his hand out of you but to no avail. "It's too much-"
But his eyes are shut, and your body is overcome by wave after wave of electrifying shivers. The pleasure quickly bleeds into the pain of being so heavily overstimulated but Kylo is lost in his own world now. He clutches you impossibly closer, mumering obscenities into your hair as he ruts against your ass and you fucking pray for it to be over. Your pussy is fucking spent and yet he's still keeping his hand there, as if driven by his own need to cum.
"You stupid fucking slut- look what you made me do-" He's rutting against your ass, eyes squeezed shut as his hips stutter, "F-Fuck-" the whimper that breaks his voice is utterly intoxicating and you find yourself slipping into another dry orgasm as Kylo pushes against you, cumming in his pants with various expletives falling from his pillowy lips. When your orgasm falls you beg him to let go of you and when he does, you topple to the floor.
Never in your life have you felt so weak. So spent. So utterly used.
Kylo does not spare you a glance when he turns around. "This is where you will reside from now on," he says with finality. Careful to let his voice relay how utterly broken he feels. Just as broken as you.
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secretagentsociety · 1 year
Text
yandere monster x willing reader
warning : yandere and monster put together isn't rlly a safe space per say,so um continue with cautious
Sumary : the village people believed that the monster is out to destroy them if they didn't sacrifice a young virgin and you being at a marriageable and is still unwedded have become the sacrifice,oh but by the end of it you got yourself an all powerful monster boyfriend that bend at your every will (in Sumary he's a simp)
Imagine
It was a nice and sunny day,normally everyone in the village would love this type of days but the barren market place and untilled farms said otherwise,why is everything being abandoned? Well because people were scared of 'the monster'
rumours starts circulating the entire town,it got so big even the king had sent official trained knights to 'protect' the village,when in actuality he just want to capture and exploit the monster
But nothing worked,this morning a villager was found dead along with huge clawmarks near the trees where he's found,scared the people starts going to the church believing it is some sort of demon
The church then adviced to 'sacrifice a virgin blood' they didn't say to sacrifice anyone's life,fk they didn't even say that it HAD to be human,but alas your village is stupid and is superstitious and so it brings us here
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• At first he was curious as to why the humans we're abandoning another human,but he'd travel across the continent enough to know you must've been some sort of thief being punished,but he couldn't help but inspect closer
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• with your eyes closed shut you didn't realise how close you were to the 'monster' his eyes stared directly at your fluttering eyelash as you tried your best to keep your eyes close,he found your trembling lips cute very kissable,and so that's what he did,he is a creature of instinct,and when he did something clicked.
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•now you can forget ever being released back to those nasty villager ever again,forget your past life forget how you're living before and forget every acquaintance you've ever made,because he's not letting you go,no no no,he can't do that! you're his beloved little mate
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• he gives 10 / 10 cuddles,will hug your protectively and sometime refused to sleep until you're in his arm,he never knew he needed a cuddle buddy but here we are with you stuck in one position because if you were so to TRY to pry him off oh boy I wouldn't do that if I were you
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• very extremely protective,possessive,jealous all the glorious toxic traits of a yandere,this man got it all, it's like Pokémon except the thing he catch is how many time you can count him eating a human male/female whatever human that DAREE to even touch you
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• he TOWERS over you,no it doesn't matter how tall you're how many high heels you wore he's taller, he's bigger, and he's better and that's a facts!,no but fr he is a monster even if you're like 6'9 ;) he's still taller by like a whole foot maybe two....
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• If one day he find you gone for whatever reason,the village is the first to feel his wrath,now he's not some weakling who couldn't even protect their own mate,no no no,if he wants to he could cause HAVOC I tell you HAVOC that will effect the future generations to come,he is afterall what his kind considered an elder,wise knowledgeable and is extremely petty
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• for the many years he had lived yes he knows how to communicate with humans and yes he have human form and yes his dck is huge let us move on now
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• now then back to you being gone,if you appeared unharmed congrats to the entire empire they won't be meeting their ruin anytime soon,BUT if you did come back....lets say barely alive,he will kidnap every single 'physicians' there is in the empire,even the royal physician's and if they can't make you feel better then off with their head!,and body and legs he just straight up nom them
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• now the situation got so bad the king had to put out a rolling stating you're not to be disturbed and or made upset for the safety of the people,yes you have become a royalty indirectly
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• now then if you were to ask for a hug he would be DELIGHTED he even shed some happy tears but nevertheless would cuddle immediately,like he drops whatever it is he's doing and cuddle you
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• does he have tails and ears? Yes. Are they soft? Hell yes. Are they sensitive?duh,wink wink nudge nudge ;) . Would is potentially lead to spicy scene if you were to 'accidentally touched' them? Yes 100%
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•now then if you were for some reason decides to run away no one would assist, you're essentially stuck with him,why?because even if you did ask for knights to help they wouldn't, you'd be tied up and safely returned in his arm where you rightfully belong,and with that followed by punishment that I would not be writing out
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• stamina level : dude...hes a monster he can travel from one empire to another in a matter of hour when it usually take months!,he can easily stayed up for WEEKS on end and STILL can run from one empire to another within one hour,what do you think?!
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• but it's fine he don't play rough,unless you ask him too :D
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sebastianswallows · 2 months
Text
Feyd-Rautha — sad headcanons
— WARNINGS: angst, mentions of kidnapping, child molestation, mentions of Feyd's child by Margot (Marie Fenring), it's just dark and depressing I'm sorry
— A/N: @localravenclaw asked for headcanons yesterday, here you go girly, no returns. This is a hybrid of book and movie Feyd.
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His first memories are of ice floes on the black waters of Lankiveil, fitting together like the blocks inside his puzzle box. The wailing of sea creatures underneath the waves. Enormous weapons mounted on ships leaving harbour. The deep bell chimes that floated on the air, colouring it golden, splitting time in measured pieces like a great grandfather clock, from the temple of Ohashi.
He remembers playing in the sea foam. Duelling his playmates with driftwood they picked up in abandoned ships. Filling the nests of rock turtles with the pearls that rolled up on the shore. There were so many that they spilt between his fingers.
He remembers gathering stiff crystalline flowers which grew on the rock their castle sat on, but not what they were called...
And he remembers making his mother a necklace of blue spiral shells, with the help of her handmaids. He wonders now and then what became of it, and then he stops himself.
Childhood memories are too tainted with what came afterwards. With what cut it in two halves.
With the grim understanding, in hindsight, of what his uncle’s touches meant during his first days on Giedi Prime. Skinny little Feyd. Did your father never feed you? How pretty you are, just as he was as a boy. Did you fall and hurt yourself here? No? Are you sure? I can feel a little dent where one shouldn’t be, yes, yes, right between your bones.
They seemed like comforting caresses at the time.
It was always surface touches on the thin and tender canvas of his skin, dry kisses, fondlings with an almost anatomical curiosity to them, and always with rough laughter resounding in the halls.
Many years passed before he realised, through hints gathered here and there, that his uncle was diseased. Longer still to find out that it was a Bene Gesserit who did it. Sexually transmitted, requiring constant treatment, and the cause of his enormous bloat.
Many pieces fell into place in the puzzle box at the back of his mind then. Why his uncle never showed to him the same sort of close attention he showed to the slave boys. Why it was always those large fingers heavy with rings that traversed his body, and traitorously gentle kisses, and long lingering glances once he let Feyd go.
How strange he felt, after being brought up to hate the Bene Gesserits and fear them, when he became conscious of a sort of gratitude he owed the witch for protecting him, beyond the grave, from the worst of his uncle’s attentions.
He remembers the first time he fell sick on Giedi Prime. It was during his first month there, when his body couldn’t take the toxic fumes and the industrial meat. His body revolted, flushing with an allergic reaction.
And he remembers his uncle’s visits, a few of them. How he slipped his fat hand between his thighs to feel them shivering, sweaty with fever, and laughed. The doctors around his bed laughed too, not daring to do anything else. Even at the age of 11, Feyd thought there was something wrong about it, but he had nobody to turn to, nobody to ask. How stupid he feels now.
And then there was a time, a broad swath of his adolescence, when he was planning quite seriously to kill the Baron.
He had devised a naïve scheme involving one of those awful oil baths and a stone lid, and he allowed himself to fantasize that if some day, for some reason, a Bene Gesserit would come, she could help him gain control of all the slaves through mind tricks, like the witches were rumoured to do. And he could escape with her, hidden in the soft folds of her dress while, in his imagination, the palace was boiling with fear and revolution upon the Baron’s death.
He grew out of these childish fantasies at around age 15. Nobody was coming to help him.
It was then that he started taking the arena more seriously. Killing slaves felt good. Feeling warm blood on his hands felt good. And it felt good to be so close to a human body while someone else suffered. It filled something in him he never knew needed filling.
His first taste of spice was around this time too. His uncle deemed him ready. It tasted like cinnamon, but never the same after that. And the dreams…
The dreams that came true scared him. Fate predetermined, fate out of his reach. His hands around a dozen throats could not make him feel in control after that.
But the other dreams, the ones that never came to be, those took him beyond fear, beyond anger, to a pit inside his soul. Demons swirled around him, teasing, tormenting him with the way his life could never be.
Dreams of impossible futures are the ones he hates the most. Dreams where he is wed to an Atrides bride, where his son sits on the Imperial Throne, where their enemies are humbled, and absolute power brings peace.
Feyd wakes up still on Giedi Prime, still under his uncle’s fat thumb, still with his concubines to pacify him while his true destiny is nowhere in sight. And when he does dream of a Bene Gesserit, she is not there to kill his uncle or to help him escape. She’s there to use him.
And sometimes, Feyd dreams of a little girl with a sweet and simple name, with her hair in dark ringlets, and sullen eyes like his. She runs through blue and silver halls, she plays in a field of flowers, she breathes the salty sea air of a distant planet and meditates upon the cliffs. He dreams of never meeting her, and wakes up wondering why that troubles him so much.
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Sunflower
Flowers series part III
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
Warnings: Fluff, heartbreak, mentions of toxic relationships (azriel and reader), helion being the kindest person alive.
Summary: Once you had arrived at Day Court, Helion had not let you out of his sight, it was a change you liked. Someone caring for you.
a/n this is pure fluff and comfort (a lot like a filler chapter) but it’s helion so 🫶🏻
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Helion had an aura to him that showed he was confident, but when talking to me his aura softened.
I could feel it. Maybe he was just being nice. Probably trying to maintain court relationships. But it was nice to have all the attention to me for once.
He was everything. Everything that I thought I wouldn’t need. Everything Azriel had promised but never given me.
I had spent an embarrassingly long amount of time crying on his shoulder. But never once did he brush me off, put my feelings aside. I hadn’t even thought of Azriel and I’s relationship to be improper.
Hadn’t realised that he was playing me all along.
I used to love moonflowers, especially the ones that were a blue so dark it could be the night sky. They had reminded me of Azriel.
But now when I was sitting with Helion on the balcony and he asks me what my favourite flower is, I can’t seem to get ‘moonflower’ out. The word turns sour in my mouth.
“Sunflower,” I blurt out.
“It used to be a moonflower” I sigh, never being able to lie to the day high lord.
“Why used to?” he questions softly.
He was always like this, gently speaking, making sure to never cross boundaries.
“It reminded me of Azriel,” I say.
“That’s funny” he laughs.
Yes he’s laughing. Bewildered, I look up at him.
“Why are you laughing?” I question.
“It’s funny because I love moonflowers” he chuckles.
“Why?” I ask louder this time.
“I saw them once in Night Court, and they were beautiful but I like them more now because they remind me of you,” he confesses.
I rear my head back, an incredulous expression on my face, “Of me?”.
He simply nods, “Why do you like sunflowers?”.
My cheeks flood with colour, “Because they remind me of you,” I mumble out.
A blanket of silence is thrown over the room.
“Sorry I shouldn’t have said that, I’ll get going now,” I whisper.
I basically told him I liked him and he said nothing.
Gods Y/N how stupid could you be. He’s a fucking high lord, and a good looking one at that (unlike Beron), he could have anyone why would he want you. A used girl, discarded and trashed by the one person she opened up to.
Tears well up on my waterline, threatening to spill.
I gasp when a strong hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me into his chest.
Helion looks about ready to burn the world down. His eyes soften when he takes in my vulnerable expression.
“My love, why are you crying?” he hesitates but in the end, wipes a tear off my cheek.
“Look Helion, I’m sorry for what I said, let me go and I’ll leave and head back to Night Court,” I explain.
His gaze hardens, “You’re not going anywhere, because I want you here with me, the spymaster of their court is a fool for letting you go, you’re a goddess in the flesh, and I most likely would not deserve you in a hundred life times.”
I open my mouth to say something but he keeps going on.
“You’re skin is the colour of the moon, you’re eyes the stars and your hair the night itself, but your personality is the living embodiment of the sun. I would walk through hellfire if you were waiting for me on the other side. I would give you everything, even if you asked for Amarantha’s head on a stick. If only you were mine,” he finally finishes.
I stare at him in shock, I had overheard Azriel’s vows and they were nowhere near as beautiful as Helion’s.
“I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine,” I whisper. My mouth hangs open as something snaps in my chest, looking down I realise how close I am to Helion, a short golden thread between us.
“Mate”
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a/n IF ONLY YOU WERE MINE anyway helions such a dilf
taglist: taglist: @esposadomd @impossibelle @acotarfics-mharmie009 @stqrgirlies-blog @balam-sen @cumuluscranium @witchymomfrien @historygeekqueen @wallacewillow0773638 @wickedfelinaxo @mybestfriendmademe @to-be-written @highladyofterrasen98 @minnieoo
(striked out means i couldn’t tag you)
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where-dreams-dwell · 4 months
Text
I haven’t read the book and only have vague recolections of the movie (though I remember sobbing violently at several points) but I hoped I’d love Netflix’s One Day adaption. And of course I did but one of the things I loved was so unexpected.
I love how they portrayed Sylvie.
Particularly how that relationship both ended and endured. How even at the start there were issues but the small kind you want to work on and work through. She knew her family were hard work but she was on Dex’s side and wanted him to be accepted: but still knew that her opinion was the one that mattered. Dex knew he didn’t fit it but he was trying so damn hard to, and hoped that if he kept trying it would be enough eventually. And she wasn’t this demon or harpy, even people who just met her liked her. She was a nice person.
So many times when the male lead is with another woman before they eventually get together with the female lead this ‘other woman’ is portrayed as toxic, unmanageable, cruel, snobbish, etc… or even just unpleasant to be around; someone we’re happy for the male lead to leave. Maybe it helps us to support the male leads pursuit of the female lead and not confront his poor behaviour as a romantic partner if that ‘other woman’ is unlikable and we’re happy to see her gone?
But here they made it clear: Sylvie is a kind nice woman who loves Dex, and didn’t handle the crumbling of their marriage well.
It was almost voyeuristic how we saw the breakdown of her and Dex’s marriage. It seemed so bloody real. New baby, no sleep, renovating the house, all of it building up until you’re being a bitch and you know you are, and you’re apologising after the fact for what you said but you don’t know how to talk around the fact that you still meant some of the things you said. And a partner who you know is struggling with direction and purpose, and you want them to do well, but *god* you’re the one fielding questions and having to go to bat for them every time someone asks, and as a result you never feel safe to take a break or question them yourself.
And (I don’t know how intentional this was) but Dex’s joking tone which is clearly meant to relax and reassure just came across as him not taking things seriously or being trustworthy. Sylvie lists a whole range of food options for Jasmine while she’s out for the night, clearly showing she has prepped *everything* ahead of time: she isn’t leaving Dex in charge of finding or cooking Jasmine dinner, she’s leading him by the hand to the ready made stuff and telling him now to reheat it. Kind of like he’s a child too. It really shows how capable she feels he is.
And then Dex jokes about giving Jasmine crisps. He’s clearly trying to break the tense atmosphere and joke around with his wife, but it just comes across as ‘I wasn’t listening to you, I don’t realise how much work you’ve done, you were right not to trust me to cook dinner because look what I immediately suggested, you can’t rely on me’.
In all their conversations the tone of their voices just show they’re not sure how to talk to one another anymore, that they know everything they say will be taken the wrong way and so they have no idea how to speak.
It felt like no one was particularly demonised or made into a caricature. Just two people who were different, put under stress until they broke and grew apart. And Sylvie had been responding to this state of her marriage by having an affair, so she is clearly in the wrong there and the one who causes the divorce etc, but… I don’t know; here it comes across more as a plea for help or freedom in the midst of her confusion and less a lack of care or thought for Dex and her daughter (like I remember it coming across in the movies).
Even when they have the brief mention of dramatics and anger around the divorce, afterwards she’s back in the picture as a level headed co-parent: joking around to relate to Emma, sharing co-parenting pains with HER too (‘Jasmin’s learning the violin?’ ‘Yes that’s why we’re fleeing the country’). And genuinely congratulating them in their relationship and marriage.
You don’t see many ex-wives in media who are so openly concerned about how their ex-husband is handling his second wife’s death. She’s present, caring and supportive. And keeps reaching out to him well after she could be forgiven for stepping back.
So yeah I loved all of One Day and yeah it made me cry AGAIN, but I also loved how real they made those significant relationships look. How adult and complicated and messy and ‘no one was a monster/you were both wrong in different ways/there is no right and wrong’ they played out as.
Just because she wasn’t the ‘love of his life’ doesn’t mean she was a footnote either.
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sc0tters · 4 months
Text
Toxic | Jack Hughes
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summary: jack isn’t good for you so why is it that you still want him?
request: yes/no
warnings: sexual themes, p in v, fingering, swearing.
word count: 4.88k
authors note: I’m gonna start with the warning that this was written in eight hours because I saw that Jack is back from his injury and I wanted to write for him! Low-key though Trevor has some competition for my favourites to write about in a toxic manner! There are a lot of flashbacks in this so those are regular italics!
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If the phrase off limits had a picture next to it, for Jack it would have been of you.
You had been in his life since you were four when Luke threw a football right in your direction and ended up hitting your nose. Of course you fell to the road and somehow sitting in his family’s living room as you and Luke were both in tears ended up being the moment that set you two on the course to being best friends.
Jack spent the next thirteen years getting to know you as Luke’s friend. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t hate you, the boys all got on with you. Hell Trevor definitely tried his luck at making a move on you and with each time that he failed it only became the laughter of his teammates and friends. Jack had grown so comfortable with you that even as your boobs came in and your skin became clear that he cursed himself for letting those thoughts come into his head of you in the end of the night. When there was nothing in his room besides for his hand and the memories of how good you looked in the little bikinis you brought to the lake house each year.
He thought he could get by just having to see you during the summers but of course you just had to end up doing a graphic design course in New Jersey and with the unruly dorm fees. You were also in need of a roommate and as luck seemed to have it, Jack had a spare room which your moms came together swearing it had to be yours.
The first few weeks were smooth sailing, you were out studying most nights which meant that you never had to be home for the various girls that he had over. That was until November came around and as Jersey grew colder you found yourself staying home more often than not. Girls didn’t enjoy seeing you of all people sat on the couch curled up in a blanket until Jack would just say “she’s just my roommate.”
The first few times you heard it you were fine. All you were ever meant to be to a guy like Jack was his brothers friend. Yet somehow you began to find yourself growing frustrated at the sound of moans echoing through the apartment as his headboard hit the wall of his room. At first you swore you were more so annoyed with yourself and the fact that you really thought that you could have had something with him.
Because yes, you accepted the offer in New Jersey over Michigan because you thought that it could make things change between you two. But by the time February came around you realised you were sexually frustrated too. That’s how you and Jack ended up in what seemed like a constant pissing match after he came home early from a road trip to hear you in your room.
Jack let his back drop to the floor quietly as he thought you would have been sleeping “right there please!” Your moans made him freeze as he saw the light in your room still on beneath the crack of your closed door “gonna make me come Jacky.” Jack smirked to himself as his cock began to harden “you like that pretty girl?” Jackson, otherwise known as Jacky and the captain of your colleges hockey team ended up giving you a ride home from the game that night.
The Hughes boy swore in that moment that he never knew of something having the power to break a man’s hard-on as quickly as that did “that roommate of yours ain’t home so you can be as loud as you want.” The blonde in front of you let out a grunt and if your moans weren’t encouraging him to increase his tempo he would have heard the noise of Jack slamming his door shut as he now needed a cold shower.
Of course the two Jack boys had to meet the next morning and Jackson turned into a fanboy which only seemed to frustrate you more. Jack wasn’t meant to enjoy this, but his smirk as he’d listen to whatever guy you brought home confess to how much of a fan they were told you otherwise. To make matters worse Jack was still bringing these girls home and you truthfully thought that after four months of having to listen to it you were finally getting a break.
That summer before you came into your sophomore year you came up with your plan as you were still living with Jack. Numerous different options seemed to come up in your mind as you spent your time at the lake house. Yet as the nights spent by the fire were fuelled by lingering glances over the burning embers, you knew what you were going to do.
The first time you got the chance to enact your plan was actually in November. It was shortly after your birthday and as Jack was still single, you were his date to all team events.
The boy had been waiting for what felt like years as he scrolled through his phone “we’re going to be late y/n!” He groaned looking up to still not see your door open “well I’m sorry that when you want to look this good it takes time Hughesy.” You teased clipping your hoops into place as you opened your door to see his unamused face.
Jack didn’t need to say anything because his facial expressions did it all for you “okay what’s wrong?” You crouched down to do up your heels around your ankles “you need to go change.” Jack grumbled as he shook his head, staring at how your body looked with the tight white strappy top that had been paired with your black floor length skirt that had a slit up over your knee.
It made you roll your eyes “relax I’m wearing a jacket.” You grumbled grabbing your leather jacket from off of the couch “so are you coming or do you want to be even later?” As the boy stayed stuck to the couch he let his eyes travel to your face.
The car ride had been long as it let your nerves increase. Jack wasn’t shy about letting his eyes undress you in the car “you dressing up for anyone?” His question came out as he let his lack of a filter get the best of him “just f’me.” You shook your head watching him park the car.
Just like always he came to your door and helped you out “you jealous?” You teased not missing how his grip tightened around your waist at your words “of one of those little hockey fans you love sleeping with?” Jack laughed as he shook his head.
Your cheeks reddened as you two walked into the venue “you need some better guys than that to get me worried.” He kissed your temple capturing the attention of Dawson who had you pushing Jacks arm off of your waist “where are you going?” The middle Hughes boy felt his eyes go wide seeing the smile form on your lips.
The fellow center began walking over to you both “thought you didn’t care about the guys I get with.” Jack swore you were trying to kill him as you went to hug Dawson “Jack letting your girl get the night off?” Jesper teased pulling the American into a hug as he was already drunk.
It made Jack scowl as he watched you get pulled away by Dawson who was already motioning over the bartender so he could order you a drink “she’s not my girl.” Jack clenched his hands into fists as he shook his head “so Merc really can make a move on her.” The Swede didn’t notice how the younger boy rolled his eyes.
Two painfully long hours had to go by and as Jack got up leaving his older teammates you couldn’t help but follow him “I’ll be right back okay.” You squeezed Dawsons hand as you sent him a smile.
You were like a needy puppy as you practically ran out of the room. Without Jack in sight you went in the direction of the bathroom where you thought he was. The bathrooms were organised by three different doors: family, female, male. So as you thought you’d be going to the last one you let out a yelp as you were pulled through the first door.
The wall that met your back was cold as the door behind you locked “finally grew tired of your new fucking boyfriend huh?” Jack grumbled keeping his hands on gone sides to keep you trapped in “thought you didn’t.” Your voice turned breathy when his lips hovered over yours.
His smirk made your thighs push together until his knee forced itself between your legs “nuh uh princess.” He clicked his tongue as he shook his head “thought I didn’t want?” Jack waited for you to continue talking before he moved.
If you were a cartoon smoke would have been coming out of your ears as your brain practically short circuited “thought you weren’t interested in who I went for.” You stammered over your words as you gasped “think you need to get your eyes tested then sweetheart.” The hockey player clicked his tongue letting his lips nip at your neck.
You whimpered as your hands pressed against the his shirt “because I’m fucking obsessed with you.” You couldn’t help but laugh as you heard him say that “so those girls were all just for your own amusement or some shit?” You scoffed as you shook your head.
If Jack was anyone else they might have fallen for this strong act “so you enjoy listening to how good I made them feel?” He kissed the shell of your ear as his ego was soaring seeing how responsive you were being “don���t be shy baby, I can feel how wet your pants are.” Your head snapped down to see how your were unintentionally grinding on his knee.
Your cheeks were painfully warm as he looked at you “I’ll tell a secret first.” Jack took your silent as he continued to talk “when you bring guys over I picture it’s me getting you off.” It wasn’t a total lie, in fact Jack would actually use the time to listen to your moans as he’d wrap his hands around his cock thinking it was you.
Jack continued to kiss your neck as he let his lips move to your jaw “like thinking it’s you holding my vibrator.” You confessed making Jack smirk “do I let you come?” the question came far too boldly for your comfort.
Your mind thought about the moments that you’d edge yourself all night “n-never.” You shook your head making him smile as he ran his finger down the center of your shirt traveling to the valley between your breasts “think I should change that then.” When his proposal was met with your moans he finally kissed your lips.
The kiss was hot practically sucking the air from the room as his hands tugged at your hair. He couldn’t help but grin into the kiss as your nails raked at his lower torso “when you think it’s me princess what am I doing?” He ran his thumb over your lower lip “you use your.” You looked down to the trailing digit in front of your skin.
Jack taunted you as it made your skin grow wet with sweat “my knee or?” Jack trailed off as you shook your head “think about your fingers.” His cock was close to ripping the seams of his boxers “what am I doing with them?” The hockey player ran his finger over your clit as he teased your clit over your panties.
It became clear that you were going to have to guide him through all of this “fucking me real good.” You nodded biting your lip as you felt him begin moving your panties to the side “like against this door?” Your eyes screwed shut as you felt his fingers thrust into your cunt “you really are a dirty little slut.” Jack taunted feeling your wall hug his fingers.
His lips locked with yours as his fingers settle in a consistent pace “this how it feels?” The middle brother asked propping his other hand up on the other side of your shoulder “better.” You nodded pursing your lips together as you wanted to kiss him again.
The squelching noises made your eyes flutter “you wanted another finger?” The offer made you moan “more?” You pleaded feeing your thighs begin to give out “gonna give you all that you want.” Jack nodded letting his lips suck at your jaw sure to leave a mark tomorrow.
His hand lay flat with the addition of the third finger hitting your clit “you’re gonna make me-” you groaned letting your head drop in front of you “you wanted to come princess then you’re gonna have to fucking beg.” His words threw you off guard as you weren’t in the space to argue with him.
Your breasts throbbed against your bra “please Jack.” You whimpered as tears formed in your eyes “‘m done with all those other guys for you.” Your offers were things far too great for Jack to ever care about “I’m yours.” That was the thing, he didn’t care that you were his, especially when he wasn’t yours.
Jack ran his tongue over your lips as he kissed you once more “let go baby.” He announced muffling his words as he swallowed your moans as your cunt clenched around his fingers almost trapping his movements in that moment.
The room seemed to slow down as your breathing regulated itself “wow.” You huffed feeling him pull his fingers from your pussy “taste yourself f’me doll.” The boy tapped his fingers on your lips before you took them swirling your tongue around his thick digits.
The relationship that you two had formed carried on until April, mere days before Luke was coming. You had constantly found yourself in his bed and he in yours at the end of each night. It sounded stupid but you two were everything that a couple was just only from the comfort of your apartment. Things were okay, they weren’t ideal but you just thought that it was the best to protect Luke.
That was until you got home early from a girls night out. No amount of alcohol was going to have prepared you for what you were about to see. But after you watched your friends all leave with guys you thought it was best to go home to yours.
Your head throbbed as your feet were sore from your heels “Jack you will not believe-” you cut yourself off as your world fell apart in that moment. Jack had a blonde woman on top of him as she rode him “oh my god.” You brought your hand to your mouth as you didn’t know what to do.
The girl was the first to snap “I thought your roommate was out tonight.” She grumbled as Jack stuck his head around his side to lock his eyes with yours “she was meant to be.” He glared at you.
All of a sudden you began wondering when Jack had been seeing over girls. Was it on roadtrips? Times he said he was out with the boys?
She cleared her throat bringing you back to reality “right sorry.” You apologised shutting the door as you were overwhelmed with emotions. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed that you had walked in, but instead it was the fact that you were foolish enough to think that you guys could go somewhere.
In that state you ran to your room shoving as much as you could into suitcases as you needed to get out of there. What you hadn’t told Jack was that you had signed the lease to an apartment last week. You wanted to stay for another few days but now you knew you needed to get out of there.
And that was exactly what you did. You left Jack quietly and only came back to the apartment when you knew he was on a roadie in order to get the rest of your things from his place. The only pro that came from this all was the timing, Luke was moving to town and he wanted to now take over your second bedroom.
The middle Hughes boy did little to let his brother see how surprised he was when your things were all gone. Truthfully he swore you didn’t have the strength to leave him. It had been three months of pure sex with what he thought had zero attachments. Yet when he saw the shocked look on your face he knew you felt otherwise. So when you didn’t show up to the lake house that year, Jack realised that you were avoiding him.
So he’d spend his nights in his bed watching the new updates that came through your Instagram. You were in Canada spending your time in Calgary after you had been in Australia with some raven haired boy. From what Jack could see he was too close to you to just be his friend.
Jack had squeezed as many answers out of Luke as he could before he grew suspicious of what was going on. It meant that the center had to wait for his return to New Jersey to finally get to meet this man.
Luke didn’t realise how hard it would be to convince you to join him at an event. But when your new boyfriend Parker was out of town you finally didn’t have any excuses. So that was how Luke convinced you to stay at the apartment when it was his turn to host a party after a big win.
Luckily for you Jack seemed to ignore the fact that you were deep in a conversation with Nico as you two caught up about life “I should take this.” You sighed seeing Parker’s contact appear on your screen.
The captain smiled watching you sneak through the crowd back to your bedroom “hey baby!” Parker’s gleaming tone shot through your phone as you sat on your bed.
You tucked your hair behind your ear as you smiled “thought you were in a meeting?” You saw him clearly in his hotel room in the middle of the day “we had a break.” He spoke awkwardly as he clearly looked to the wall behind his phone.
Parker was quick to change the subject as he ran his fingers through his hair “so is Jack being good?” Yes you had told him about the fact that you and Jack were once roommates who now no longer spoke to each other “he hasn’t spoken to me.” You shrugged seeing the picture of you with the Hughes boys on one of your earliest trips to the lake house that was on your bedside table.
You fiddled with your ring “but how is your conference?” You began to notice that Parker wasn’t even looking at you anymore “baby I need to go.” He didn’t even give you enough time to respond before the screen went back to only showing you your reflection.
As a sigh left your lips you learnt you weren’t alone “you know he’s cheating on you right?” Jack crossed his arms as he leaned against your doorframe “because such a good reference of warning?” You laughed as you shook your head not believing his words.
That seemed to be all it took for him to shut your door as he let it lock “tell me princess, does he make you feel as I do?” Jack slowly walked over to you before he finally sat on the edge of your bed “what kind of question is that!” Your cheeks were red as your mouth fell open.
It made him laugh “one that has a clear answer.” The hockey player quipped back as you shook your head “my sex life is no longer your business Hughes.” You spat as you got up letting your face turn into a snarl “we were never exclusive doll.” The pet names for you rolled off of his tongue.
Yet now it only seemed to make you feel sick “Jack I really fucking thought we were so I’m sorry if I’m a little hurt that I had to walk in on-” your voice broke as a notification came onto your phone reminding you of the fact that you were with someone else now “what made you so mad?” Jack was pushing you for an answer as he towered over you.
As you thought you had so much to say it in fact turned out that you could have forgotten how to speak English “she fucking controlled you okay!” In the few months that you guys had slept together not once did Jack let you be in charge, even as you sucked him off he was the one with his hands in your hair controlling your movements and all.
Jack stopped as he let a smirk form on his lips “this was stupid.” You sighed as you shook your head “control me tonight.” The words fell from his lips letting gravity pull them down to earth as you froze “I have a boyfriend.” You were quick to remind him as his hands cupped your cheeks.
It brought you back to that night in the bathroom as he let his eyes dance between your lips and eyes “who we should have established is cheating on you.” Jack quipped back as he saw you go quite genuinely contemplating this “I’m in charge?” You asked as you sucked at your teeth.
All Jack needed to do was nod before you wrapped your arms around his neck so you could kiss him. This was by far the messiest kiss you had ever had as teeth clashed together. Your fingers tugged through the ends of his hair as it was clearly beginning to grow “I need you.” You pleaded hearing Luke’s voice from the hall as he had gone to his bedroom.
The Hughes boy smiled “you have me.” With that all of your clothes quickly ended up on the floor in one quick flash. The piles merged together as your red panties ended up in Jacks pile and he was going to be sure to take them home as a memory from the night.
You furrowed your eyebrows as you saw him just stand there “you’ve got to tell me how you want me doll.” Jack smiled as he took in the sight of your naked body.
There wasn’t much that he had missed out on but somehow his eyes still scanned it as though he had forgotten any information “need you on my bed.” Your order was soft and it made the boys heart melt at how you clearly weren’t used to this “I have a condom in my wallet.” Jack knew how you were against raw sex and he had always respected that as he also wasn’t in the mood to become a dad just yet.
You found his wallet and with that the old Polaroid picture that he had taken with his hand around your throat. It was a relatively soft picture seeing as each other option showed your face, this one just had your lower lip “you been thinking about me pretty boy?” You asked with a soft smirk on your lips.
The Polaroid was twirled in your fingers as he nodded “all the damn time.” Jack watched the Polaroid get replaced with the condom wrapper in your hands. The foil glistened as the city light hit it as you ripped the package open.
It seemed that all of the air in the room dissipated as you rolled the condom over his cock “you sure about this Jack?” You were halfway through straddling him as your hips were in the air “god please do it before I start fucking you.” He groaned pressing his head against your headboard.
A smile formed on your face as you didn’t know if you were amused or turned on “need some help getting me ready.” You rasped taking your hand around his covered cock as you drove the head down your slit spreading your wetness as it helped make his boner harden “you feel so ready.” Jack groaned feeling your free hand pinch at his skin.
His chest helped you centre yourself as you slowly let your cunt swallow his cock “fuck me!” You whined letting your eyes screw shut as your thighs hit his hips.
Jack leaned forward to kiss your lips helping you open your eyes once more “want me to help guide you through this?” You nodded as he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear “just follow my lead okay?” Jack let his chest fall back as he grew comfortable placing his hands on your hips.
The movements started off slowly, in this up down sort of manner “faster.” You cooed wanting to bring your hands down to play with your aching nipples as your breasts bounced with each movement.
If the boy wasn’t under you he would have laughed “put your hands on my chest and take the reins.” He whispered softly nodding as you listened.
Your hands found their placement on either side of his chest as you love to him for reassurance “ride me like that bull in Calgary.” You realised that it meant he had seemed you Instagram stories as you had ended up at the stampede and one hungover morning you guys all went to ride a mechanical bull.
Jack was the first to moan as you began grinding your hips back and forth occasionally letting them rotate “can’t believe I didn’t make you do this sooner.” He grumbled to himself still keeping his hands on your sides.
Skin slapping echoed through the room and neither one of you were sure that you wouldn’t get caught “because you had other girls doing it.” You quipped back letting your tongue slice the words with venom.
It seemed to be something that Jack enjoyed as his cock throbbed from inside your cunt “had me to be your fucking late night and morning pus-” you were cut off as his hand came down on your ass with a sharp smack.
His eyes turned into a glare “at least I’m not the one currently cheating.” You went quiet as his words came out, he was right. You were the bad person there, not him.
Jack continued to help your thrusts as he let his one hand move to your clit “you were always so fucking mouthy until I fuck you dumb and make you come.” The hockey player spat as he let out a scoff.
All you could do was moan “I’m sorry.” All you wanted was for the coil that was quickly forming in your stomach to burst as your legs began to shake “I need it.” You added quickly beginning to plead with him.
The hockey player laughed “with the way you act I shouldn’t even let you come.” With the way your cunt currently clenched around his cock he knew he wasn’t going to last overly long “but he probably doesn’t even fuck you right because you know it’s me that owns this pussy.” Jack had always been possessive in bed as he watched you bob your head.
Your nails began to rake at his chest “you have me Jack.” You could have been screaming at the point “all of me.” Jack felt his orgasm hit him like a truck in that moment and as his movements turned sporadic it triggered your own orgasm “shit shit shit!” Your body shook as you ended up collapsing into his chest.
You both laid there for a moment as you caught your breath and rolled off of him letting his softening cock hit his torso “just shut your door on the way out.” You mumbled not wanting to look at the boy as you knew what was coming.
But instead Jack rolled you over to face him “you kicking me out?” He had to say that he was surprised that you had it in you to do that “just saving you the trouble.” You explained as you knew what he was like.
Which was why you let out a squeal as you felt him pull you into his arms “I’m not leaving you.” Jack shook his head as he smiled “not again.” He placed a chaste kiss on your head as he carried you into the bathroom placing you into the bath.
The next morning he had gotten up before you and has he heard your phone confine you go off he couldn’t help but grow frustrated. Jack leaned over to see that Parker had been spamming you as he got all irritated that you hadn’t responded to his messages.
So like any normal guy, Jack just had to respond.
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You: hey bro, it’s Jack here. thought you should know that she no longer requires you in her life so fuck off.
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