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xxwritemeastoryxx · 9 months

Text

Intertwined

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!Reader - Soulmate Au!

Word Count: 6.1K

Warnings: Angst, arguments, Elijah being overly protective but denying himself happiness as always, canon typical violence, a bit of fluff at the end.

Author’s Note: Because I'm apparently on a sequel kick, here's another. I promise I'm getting to the requests that I have and all the things I still need to work on from last year. I'm going where the muse takes me in my writing flow. So there's that. Also please note that you need to read Hidden Marks before reading this one.

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Hidden Marks || TVDU Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Taglist

It had been months since Elijah had seen the three intertwined circles on the middle of Y/N’s back that made up her soul mark. The first and only time he'd seen it, he'd been pulling a wooden bullet out from her back when she asked for his help. From the moment Elijah helped to remove the bullet, the mark haunted him.

Seeing her mark should have been a great thing. It should have brought him some peace and happiness to see her mark. That her mark matched the very one he had just below his left clavicle. A perfect pair that made sense for how close they had become as friends over the century. If anything, since seeing her mark he's been conflicted on his feelings.

Part of him wants and tries to be protective of her. His soulmate that had come into his life when he least expected it. The woman that had become his best friend over the century had been the one thing he never actively searched for. He now knew why she stepped into his life and never left. But it was the other part of him that caused him to fight daily with his feelings.

Y/N would be in danger because of him. She would soon become a target if even the slightest word had slipped about who his soulmate was. An endless cycle he'd force her into if an enemy ever came knocking. Threats and being captured for the sole purpose of being leveraged against him.

Not to mention if his brother had ever lost his temper with him. Klaus wasn't one to spare the women in Elijah's life before. What difference would it make this time? All it would take was one action that made Klaus feel the slightest ounce of betrayal and he'd take it out on her.

Elijah was willing to take on the devil himself if Y/N was in danger. He was reminded of it any time she recklessly put herself in harm's way. An argument he had with her plenty of times during their friendship, but held a deeper meaning as of recently.

He was also reminded daily how easily she could bend him to her will with a simple smile as she walked into the room. Or the occasional knowing look she'd give him when he or his siblings said something she didn't agree with that would almost instantly change his mind about the situation. Especially if she added in her details that would make it reckless on her part.

But no matter how many times that feeling of comfort and love started to grow for the woman he believed he could only care for platonically, he could never voice it. He could never bring himself to mention the details that he knew. And because he chose to keep it to himself, it began the yoyo effect of wanting to keep her at a distance and keep her close for his own sanity.

It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Y/N either. From the moment she offered him a night out to deal with the humans who had put the bullets into her back, she noticed something different. She noticed the way his demeanor changed around her. He grew worrisome over the smallest of things he never had before. And even fought with her longer over details of plans to help take down the threat the Mikaelsons had been faced with.

She found herself frustrated on the days that he brushed her off and all but ignored her. He had never once been cold to her in the time that she had known him. They had pushed each other’s buttons on occasion, but Elijah had never once pushed her away like he had been doing now. Every time he did, it hurt more than Y/N had ever expected it to.

They were close friends, she knew that. She knew there would always be moments that Elijah would pick his family over her. That there would be moments where he would keep his family safe and do anything he could to also keep her safe. She knew she was not the highest priority. But why did it feel like someone had staked her when he walked away from her when she felt she really needed him for a few moments?

That's when the thoughts of doubt had been planted in her head. Doubts that were formed and fueled to drive her insane for most of the night that made it almost impossible to sleep. What had she done to earn such coldness from someone that she was close with? Had she crossed a boundary that she had suddenly been unaware of?

The final straw that broke her had been moments ago when she offered to go with him to deal with the beginning of a threat. It was always something they had done together. A way to have Elijah’s calm and calculated approach and her glimmer of chaos that would always work out in their favor. But when he told her to stay behind, she could no longer keep anything at bay anymore.

The moment Elijah had told her to stay behind, her face fell at his words. And as he walked past her to leave his expression hadn’t changed. And as she turned to face him, she let it all out.

“What have I done?” She asked, causing him to stop in his tracks. “Have I wronged you in some way that makes you no longer want to be around me?”

Elijah heard the way her voice cracked towards the end. He had hoped that his actions wouldn’t hurt her. But here she was asking what she had done to him when in reality it had been him to do it. He turned to face her and shook his head slightly.

“No.” His voice was composed in comparison to hers. “You have done nothing at all.”

She shook her head as she crossed her arms. “I’ve known you for over a century, Elijah. I know well enough to know you are lying to me. If I’ve done nothing wrong there wouldn’t be this shift between us where it feels like you suddenly want nothing to do with me.”

“I assure you that if I had wanted nothing to do with you, you would not still be standing here.” It was as close to the truth he could go to without coming out right with it. “We are facing a potential threat that I feel as though I need to do this with my siblings. We have no idea what they are fully capable of and the last time I checked, you are not as indestructible as you believe.”

Elijah had no idea how this threat would continue to play in their lives. He had no idea what knowledge they planned to use against them in an attempt to try and take him and his family out. That was why Elijah wanted to do this without her. He wanted to make sure that she would remain safe.

He didn’t want to take Y/N with him with the possibility of allowing them to get an inkling that Y/N had now meant more to him than he let on. He didn’t want her in danger from something he didn’t fully understand. This was the part of him that was willing to do anything to protect her. He just had to slightly push her away in order to do so.

“That never stopped you before.” She noted as she took a step towards him. “I may not be an original, but I am still a whole lot older than a majority of the threats that walk into the city. I have proven myself over and over that I can handle my own. I’m even better by your side. But ever since you’ve seen my mark, it’s like you don’t want to be near me. All I want is the truth from you. Did I do something or did my mark tell you something that you haven’t told me?”

Elijah looked at the ground for a moment before looking back up to her. He could see the hurt in her eyes as she expressed everything. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell her even though every part of him wanted to. To bring some peace to her mind on his reasoning instead of making her feel as though she wasn’t wanted.

“I’m going to try to make this as clear as I can." His voice was still even, almost void of any emotion. "This threat is not to be taken lightly. While we do not have the full specifics on who they are or why they are here, I do know they have come close to harming the people I care about." His eyes met hers. "While our normal plan pairs perfectly with the riff raff we deal with, at this moment it does not. So no, you will not accompany me tonight. I need you here."

After taking in his words, all she could manage was a nod before he was gone from her sight. He didn’t even give her a chance to respond or fight him on what he was telling her. And it left Y/N feeling defeated.

Her mind still tried to make sense of the changes that had come over the last few months. Every push and pull that happened between the two being analyzed as if it had been some rather important document or experiment being worked on. She was trying to find something, anything, to show what caused Elijah’s sudden change. No matter how many ways she thought about it, it only came back to one starting point: the night Elijah saw her mark.

Had seeing it really thrown him off to not want to be near her like he had used to? Not showing them their marks had been a preference they decided on early in their friendships. If there was ever a day they felt comfortable in showing what it was, they would have. And that night, with a bullet in her back, it hadn’t mattered if Elijah had seen it or not.

She ran a hand along her face, trying to shake off the thoughts that had kept her pacing her room for hours after he had left. She no longer cared about the mark or who she may have possibly shared it with. Why did that change now that Elijah had seen it?

It made her wonder if he had seen the mark on someone else. If there was a possibility that he felt guilty in some way after seeing it. There had been plenty of enemies in his existence. At some point he could have easily come across it and not realized it until he saw it on her back.

Did it belong to someone who had betrayed him? Had he seen it on someone that he had taken their life out of necessity? Or had this person been a victim of the many spells he had endured?

Deep down she knew it was the fear of losing Elijah. Something she had thought about over the century and a half she had known him. Friendships can only last so long before one reason or another comes along. She knew plenty of people who had left her on the back burner after finding their soulmate, even during her human years.

She had grown used to having Elijah in her life. It would take her longer to find a memory that didn’t involve Elijah versus the ones with. Over the years she had become dependent on the fact that Elijah had always been there for her just as she was for him. He was a constant and part of her hated the thought of her ever losing that.

At the thought, Y/N had felt her heart sink. A simple thought putting everything into perspective to her. The idea may have been formed from past experiences, but it all made sense. Elijah must have found his soulmate. And if that was the case, she was sure this was the beginning of being put further back on the burner.

“Y/N?!” Rebekah’s panicked voice had broken her from her thoughts, causing her to move quickly to find Rebekah.

Upon reaching the courtyard, a gasp left her lips as she found Rebekah dragging a half standing Elijah towards the couch. The majority of his clothing had been covered in blood. Parts of the fabric had been torn in several places. It was as if Elijah had picked a battle he couldn’t win.

“What the hell happened?” Y/N asked as she moved to help get Elijah settled on the couch. Her eyes had still been taking him in, accessing his injuries.

“Witches.” Elijah breathed out as he tried to get a hold of reality. He had lost enough blood and his mind had been a distorted mess from the magic he had been subjected to.

“Everything had been going according to plan but whatever spell they used on him, it threw him off course.” Rebekah took the moment to leave the room to get items they needed to help Elijah for the time being until Freya could get back there. The moment she was back she continued. “The others are still there dealing with them.”

Seeing the items Rebekah had brought, Y/N reached for the towel that had been sitting in a bowl of water and began cleaning off the blood from Elijah’s face and neck. “I can understand the disorientation, but what the hell ripped into him?”

There was panic rising within Y/N. She hated that he had made her stay behind. She could have been there to help him in some way. Been there to help prevent him from being hurt as he was now.

"Between the spell and some of the wolves within the vicinity, he couldn't watch his back." Rebekah said as she picked up another towel and folded it before placing it on Elijah's forehead. Afterwards she began picking up little containers of what Y/N could only assume were herbs and salves that Freya had instructed her to use for the time being.

As Y/N ran the towel over his neck, Elijah lifted his hand to her hand, stilling her movements. It caused her to look up at him. His eyes had been looking over her face, before they settled on her eyes.

"You're safe." His voice was barely above a whisper.

She nodded her head. "I am safe. You made sure I was." She wasn't sure if that was what he needed to relax more as she attempted to help clean him. "Freya will be here soon."

With that, Elijah seemed to relax his hold and it allowed for her to continue wiping up the blood. So far it looked as though any of the injuries he sustained were healing. It may have been at a whole lot of a slower pace, but his wounds were healing. But the moment her hand moved to remove the shredded fabric stuck to his skin along his left shoulder and chest, his hand grabbed a hold of her wrist, not wanting her to continue.

"I need to make sure your wounds are healing Elijah." She said softly as she brought her eyes up to his once more. "Or to at least give me the peace of mind that this looks way worse than it is."

"For once let someone take care of you." Rebekah added and pulled his hand away from Y/N. It had been too easy to remove his hand. His strength is almost non-existent given what he'd been through.

Elijah hated that he couldn't get his mind to process the protest he wanted to give. He hated that he couldn't give a strong enough response to say he'd deal with it later. But the spell within his mind made it difficult to think clearly for more than a second or two at a time.

Elijah’s eyes never left Y/N’s face as she began to move the fabric away from his chest. He didn't care about the wounds he was facing. He didn't even care that Y/N and Rebekah were caring for him. It was what laid just under the layers of fabric she was removing, that had him worried.

Quickly dipping the towel into the bowl of water between her and Rebekah, Y/N brought it back up to his chest and began to rid him of the drying blood. There was a part of her that was relieved to not see some gaping wound that he was trying to prevent her from seeing.

That relief soon turned into curiosity as the blood was being wiped away. The beginning of Elijah's mark became clear as day. With each wipe of the towel the mark continued to grow. And as last of the reminisce of blood was removed from the mark, she all but dropped the towel.

Just below his left clavicle had been three intertwined circles. It ran horizontally across his skin in the exact same way it ran across the middle of her back. And for a moment she fought herself on reaching out just to run her fingers along the mark. A need to make sure it was really there.

Elijah had watched her the whole time. Even through his hazed mind he could see the way relief had flooded her eyes before her brows began to furrow. The curiosity in her eyes had been evident and there was nothing Elijah could do to fully protest in his current state. All he could do was watch her as she learned what he had months ago.

Her soulmate had been right there in front of her for over a century.

Her eyes snapped to him and Elijah could see several emotions flash through her eyes. He could see the way there was a sliver of excitement before hurt filled them as she tried to stop the tears from welling up.

"What is it?" Rebekah asked as she caught on that Y/N had stopped her movements.

Y/N shook her head slightly before looking away from Elijah. "Nothing worth noting." She said as she went back to wiping the blood.

She kept her eyes away from the mark and as best as she could from keeping them from looking up at Elijah. She could feel his eyes on her. But she refused to look his way.

All of her wild thoughts that had been going through her head earlier had only been partially right. She honestly never thought this was the case. And if she was being honest with herself, this felt worse.

He had found his soulmate like she thought. But she hadn't expected it to be herself. Not with the way he had pulled himself away from her during the course of the last few months. Not with the way she felt that she was losing her best friend.

Elijah knew that he was her soulmate and he didn't tell her. There wasn't an excitement at knowing that the person they spent decades with had been the one person they both chose not to actively look for. Their life had been great just as it was. Until Elijah saw her mark.

She tried to stop the spiral of thoughts that began to form. It was already too late to try to spare her heart the pain it was currently feeling. No matter how hard she tried to focus on helping Rebekah take care of him, one single thought played in her mind on a constant loop.

He knew they were soulmates and he tried pushing her away.

The moment Freya came running into the courtyard with Klaus and Kol behind her, Y/N pulled herself slowly away from the side of the couch. It was a way to not only keep the now unwanted attention of her facial expressions away but to give the necessary space Freya would need.

When she moved a little too far for Elijah’s liking, his hand grabbed a hold of hers. This time his grip was tighter in comparison to earlier. He was getting better, stronger. The venom from the wolf bites was leaving his system while the spell kept a tight hold over him.

Y/N's eyes met his one more time. She could tell he was pleading with her to stay there with his eyes. Almost to say that once Freya helped him he'd explain everything to her. That he needed her to stay there.

There was something in her eyes that changed a moment after his words had pierced the air. “Would you tell me if you saw the mark on someone else?”

“Of course.” He said even though it had been a lie. He knew he wasn’t going to speak of the very mark that was on his chest.

Her heart ached at the sudden memory that filled her mind. She wanted to break down. She wanted to run to get fresh air. Do anything that would allow her to process the information she had been given in the last few minutes.

Freya came over and knelt down beside Elijah, giving Y/N the chance to pull her hand away from Elijah. She took several back as she tried to decide if she wanted to stay or leave the area. But a heartbeat later she was mumbling some excuse and left the courtyard.

It was only when she was safely behind the door of her room, she felt more clarity than she had downstairs. The wave of emotions she felt calmed in comparison. While silent tears had begun falling, it hadn't felt like her world had come crashing to a halt as it had.

"For as many times as I've come here to hide away, there's never been another person here." Y/N said as she took in the stranger. "Might have to find a new one if this one is compromised."

"I can assure you, I've known about this place for a lot longer than you." The stranger looked towards her. "I may have been out of the city for some time, but I will know more about the history than you ever will.”

A laugh passed her lips causing a smile to form on his lips. “What if I told you I watched that town in the distance be built?”

His eyebrow raised slightly before he looked towards the town she had been speaking of. “I’d then ask if you knew what was out there before the town was built.”

“A small village.“ She responded. “One that was destroyed just a few years after I was born. There are stories of a creature that roamed the woods that surrounded that village. A creature that was hunted but never killed.” She shrugged her shoulders before looking back towards the stranger. “Though I’d love to hear what you have that can top that.”

He laughed for a moment before he placed his hand out between them. “I’m Elijah. And I assure you, I can surpass any story you’ve been told about the area.”

“That’s a challenge I’m willing to take.” She said as she placed her hand in his. “I'm Y/N.”

That year Y/N needed to get away from the life she had found herself in after being a vampire for a few centuries already. The mountaintop just above the town she was born in had always been her go to place to reevaluate her life as a human and as a vampire. That night, Y/N had been debating on watching the sunrise for the last time.

But Elijah had been there to pull her thoughts away from the sunrise and into a life that she had now thrived in. Elijah had been there when she needed him the most. Her soulmate had been the one to pull her back from the edge and she never knew it until now.

Elijah had saved her that night. He saved her and it wasn't long after he paid off a witch to create a daylight ring for her. A friendship shouldn't be had just in the dark. Those had been his words as he held up the daylight ring for her to take a few minutes before sunrise a few weeks later.

Her heart picked up in pace as her mind continued to accept everything that happened. The details of their meeting to this current moment made sense from a soulmate perspective. No matter how many times the flashes of memories played through her mind, there was no changing the facts.

"What if I don't want to marry my soulmate?" A young Y/N asked as she kicked her shoe at the dirt.

Her mother's laugh filled the air. "You don't always have to marry your soulmate. Sometimes it depends on what best suits the both of you. Your soulmate can be a best friend or even a lover. Sometimes they're both." She knelt down to Y/N's height. "There's one thing I know though. Having them in your life in any form is a whole lot better than not having them in your life or losing them. So when you are able to meet the person that knows your soul without needing to try hard, fight as hard as you can. Fight with them, for them and alongside them as needed." She ran her hand along Y/N’s cheek. "I know this doesn't make a lot of sense right now, but I promise one day you'll understand. "

The sound of the knock on her door followed by the door slowly opening had pulled her out of her thoughts and memories. Without even looking she had already known it was Elijah. She quickly wiped at her cheeks before she turned towards the door.

The moment she had, Elijah could see that the whirlwind of emotions he saw earlier in her eyes had shifted. Even as her eyes welled up, he could see the hurt along with acceptance. And if he was being honest with himself, the acceptance is what scared him.

He took a few steps further into her room before he came to a stop. "What I've done was-"

"Cowardice?" She finished for him before he got the chance to even form the next word. It made him raise his brow. "Because whatever reasoning you have for not telling me was the worst decision you have ever made. And I know there have been plenty of questionable decisions you've made."

"I know I should have told you that night." He gave a slight nod. "For a brief moment I wanted to. But then I realized the danger you would be in because of me."

She had already begun shaking her head before he finished speaking. "Danger that I haven't already been in from just being close with you. Or to your siblings for that matter." She watched as he opened his mouth to speak but she quickly continued to stop him. "I know it's not the same. Putting it out there makes it more real and practically puts a target on both of us. I know what that target looks like. That just means we'll be better prepared for it."

She knew from experience how easy it was to use a soulmate as leverage. How easy it was to threaten them to get someone to bend to their will. There was a dark decade in Y/N's existence where she had once toyed with humans and their soulmates. A time where her humanity had been switched and she hadn't cared.

She knew the tricks that could be played. She knew how much damage someone could take before they snapped. The emotional torment that could be played on both parties to get the point across was something she lived for during that dark decade.

At least that was until her humanity had been forcefully switched on. She tormented herself afterwards on how she could carelessly manipulate people by using the one weakness they all had. It was part of the reason she found herself heading back to the mountaintop.

"If today has taught me anything it's that you were safer without me near." He watched as her eyebrow raised before he continued. "While having you by my side would have been beneficial for many reasons, I watched as my worst fear played through my mind because of a spell. A spell that provided sufficient reasons on why I was right on my decision to not say anything."

"A spell that was used to distract you.” She noted. It explained why he had seemed so relieved at seeing her safe. "And a fear that we could have worked out beforehand if you simply had told me. I spent the last several hours wondering how and when I had become the problem. Part of me knew that you had found your soulmate and that was why you were pushing me away. That maybe you were trying to distance yourself from me to make room for them." Her eyes began to well up. "I just never thought you'd be pushing me away because I am your soulmate."

Elijah shook his head slightly as guilt filled him. He could see in that moment how hurt she had been by it. The emotions she had displayed when he first came into the room broke down bit by bit. And the thought that she believed she was the problem stung him in ways he never believed it would.

"I don't know if I can be what you need me to be." He said a moment later. "It has been proven time and again that whenever I let an ounce of happiness into my life, it's quickly taken away. I refuse to have the same thing happen to you. And if that means keeping you at a distance or even you leaving the city-"

"Nothing has to change!" She cut him off as she shook her head. "We have been by each other's side for over a century without even knowing we were soulmates. We have been through hell and back together without even questioning how it was possible. I have fought by your side not caring if I died in the process." She wiped at her cheeks as more tears escaped. "I will continuously be by your side even after this. I don't care if it is as something more or keeping things as it has been. But don't you dare for one moment think that I would be safer with you pushing me away or even deciding that it's better without you in my life."

He sighed softly before taking a few steps to close the distance between them. "If anything were to ever happen to you because of me, I'd never be able to forgive myself." His hand came up to her cheek before using his thumb to wipe away more of her tears.

"It's going to happen with or without you in my life." Her eyes met his. "I am no stranger to being threatened by your family. I have had Klaus's hand on my heart and I'm still here in front of you." She placed her hand on top of his as she leaned into his touch slightly. A way to prove that she was there. "I am not even a stranger to having a witch use me as leverage or even used to fight against you. I can leave tonight and what's to stop anyone from coming after me once it's actually figured out?" She watched as he took in her words. "This isn't just one sided either. I am afraid of what each new threat could mean for you. I want and need you to be safe, maybe even for my own selfish reasons. But I will not let you push me away without at least fighting to stay. I will continue to be by your side no matter how much you push. I will stand there by your side and face the enemy with you and die there with you if it comes to it. I will continue to be your friend or more if that is what you need and you'll never have to worry that I'll leave you. But I will not let you try and push me out of your life for the fear of what could possibly happen to me just because you're afraid to let yourself be happy."

Elijah's eyes never left hers as she spoke. He couldn't bring himself to look away from her. Not when he was seeing everything play through her eyes. Every emotion, every piece of history and hopeful future had been displayed within them. And he could no longer ignore what he'd been trying to avoid.

He knew everything she said was right. He would hate himself if anything happened to her while she was gone. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would feel if he ever learned the news that something had happened to her. He couldn't ignore the fact that throughout the years and even now she was fighting for her place to stay no matter how hard he tried to keep her at bay and safe in his eyes.

The same safety that he had been trying to provide her since the night they met. How broken her eyes had looked from the moment she took a seat next to him on that mountain top. And how everything within him had told him to protect her from anything. Even himself if it ever came to it.

But as he looked into her eyes now, he could see the woman that had become his best friend. The woman that stood there beside him as threat after threat came. How she cared for him in his moments of need even though he fought her on it. The one person he couldn’t go more than a few days without speaking with. It was why the thought of losing her scared him even more than he ever believed.

After a moment, Elijah nodded his head. “I give you my word that I will not push you away or ask you to leave.” His thumb gently moved along her cheek. He watched as something changed within her eyes. “I don't believe I could actually watch you leave, let alone be alone out there in the world. Nor can I picture a day where you are not in my life in some form or another. You have your selfish reasons and I have mine. But I have never wished for you to look so hurt as you have today and I will spend as much time as needed to make up for it. ” He looked elsewhere for a moment before looking back at her. “I just don’t know how things will change from here.”

The part of Y/N’s heart that expected the worst had felt relief. Relief that he wasn’t going to continue to push her away. Relief that he was willing to accept that they were soulmates and that she wasn’t going to go down or leave without a fight. And if anything, there was a small tug of a smile at her lips at his words.

“We continue as friends, just as we have.” She offered. “If in the future things change, we’ll go from there.”

A hum of agreement passed his lips as he pulled his hand away from her. As he did, He maneuvered his hand to take a hold of her’s, finding comfort in just holding her hand within his. Her offer of nothing needing to change played in his ears.

There was something within him that agreed with that. Mixed within the agreement was the hope that things would change for the better. But for now this was a step in the right direction. A step that meant he wasn’t going to push her away as he had planned to. It was in a direction that he strongly believed he’d never lose her in the way that he feared.

“We’ll handle things as we always have.” He nodded his head, a small smile pulling at his lips.

“Together?” She asked as a small hopeful smile pulled at her lips.

She could joke about how they would work together as she always had in the past. She could have added in how reckless they could be. How the calm and chaosbetween them would keep things interesting. But at that moment, she only needed the confirmation that it would continually be them against everything else that came at them.

“Together.” He promised with no intention of ever breaking that promise. Even when the world learned of the mark they share, he’d keep his promise and keep each other close to their sides. As a friend, as a potential lover, but most importantly as soulmates that would never have to live without the other.

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janedoewriter · 1 year

Text

Collection of Tom Hiddlestion and his characters

(mostly Loki)

Originally Posted: 1/16/2023

Updated: 1/20/2023

Will be slowly updating from my likes

Masterlists

@lokishorns’s Masterlist: Loki

@starscreamloki’s Masterlist: Loki

@tarynkauai’s Masterlist: Loki, Tom Hiddleston and James Conrad

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xxwritemeastoryxx · 1 year

Note

Hiii can you write a part 2 for this? Maybe like he snaps out of it and realized what happened. And he remembers what reader siad and just angst

Darkness

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!reader

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: Angst, death, blood, mentions of ripped out hearts. Red door Elijah.

Author’s Note: Hey! Look! I'm finally posting something! There's been so many things happening and I'm just glad something is being posted. I'm slowly but surely working on the Make It Angsty Celebration requests. They're coming along with other things as well. I promise. Please note that you NEED to read Demons Within to understand what is going on with this fic. Thank you so much Anon for this request and thank you for participating in the Make it Angsty Celebration.

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Demons Within || TVDU Masterlist

If there was one thing Elijah learned during his existence it was that magic could have a vice grip upon its target depending on the spell. Hexs sucked the light and life out of the person they were put upon. Immortality had its consequences that proved time and time again that even an original vampire could be bested with the simplest of spells.

Many forms of magic had been witnessed through the centuries. And while Elijah had his fair share of receiving spells, there was nothing in comparison to the witchcraft his mother had put upon him. Forcing Elijah to completely experience the darkness that laid and waited just beyond the red door locked within his mind.

Since he had awoken, the moments of darkness would come unexpectedly. The monster that lay dormant for so long was eager to play. To sink his teeth into the beauty that surrounded him. To destroy the glimpses of perfect moments that hid who he truly was. A creature that enjoyed the hunt as a sport and the blood that was tasted was the prize.

Elijah had been able to keep his darker self at bay many times. Even with his mother’s spell intact, there was always a way to come out of it before he had done something he regretted. One thing was always for certain, his family had remained protected at all times. At least that was until the darkness consumed him.

The simplest of conversations had triggered the monster within. He and Y/N had been talking about the safety of their family. A plan being put into motion to stop Esther once and for all. But the dormant monster’s interest had been piqued by the blood Elijah’s wife had been cleaning off of her shirt, blood from the last person she pulled a heart from. The clean up triggered the monster that she shouldn’t be hiding who she really was.

The more Y/N spoke to Elijah about her plan, her eyes had been on the towel in her hand as she wiped the last of the blood off. She had missed the way Elijah was beginning to lose his hold on the present. She had missed the way the darkness was so eager to consume him. And when she finally noticed it, it had been too late.

The last thing Elijah had remembered was the way Y/N slowly reached her hand up to his face. His name left her lips softly as she attempted to call him back to her. The same maneuver she had done several times to keep him there with her. But this time it didn't work. It wasn’t long before Elijah had completely lost control of himself.

Screams filled his ears even in the darkness. The part of Elijah that fought for control could only listen to the destruction that his body was creating. The cries for help may have brought pleasure to the monster currently at play, but to Elijah, he couldn’t even bring himself to begin to think about the damage.

‘Lijah. It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.

The familiarity of the voice that played through his ears should have helped. The very voice that had brought him peace was there trying to break through to him. The voice that had been embedded in his mind for centuries. During his times of being daggered it was that voice that helped him through the darkness. Yet at this very moment, he couldn’t grasp onto the hope that the voice held.

You know me, Elijah. I can show you.

The voice was breathless. As if the person speaking was having trouble breathing. And in the darkness that surrounded Elijah, he knew he should be worried. He knew that what was happening wasn’t good. That every fiber of his being should have been fighting to stop what was happening, but nothing he did to gain control worked.

The darkness kept him under. Held him down while he was forced to listen to the sounds that entered through his ears. Even his brain refused to let in the familiarity of the voice that he was currently listening to. The magic within him taunting him.

You should have taken Esther's offer.

I-it’s okay. The sweet voice played through his ears once more. The words cracked slightly and it caused an ache to fill Elijah. One that the monster didn’t or would ever understand. I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.

NO!

It was the first thought that Elijah had been able to force out of the abyss. The one and only thought that begged and pleaded his body not to do this. To not do anything to the voice that had brought him comfort in the darkness. No matter how hard Elijah tried to pull himself out of the darkness, nothing worked. Nothing he tried to keep the voice safe worked.

It wasn’t until the satisfaction of subduing a threat washed over him that he knew he failed. The ache that he felt moments before had lingered, if not grew more with each passing moment. The silence had proved he had lost the comfort of that voice.

Elijah?

The echo of his name registered in his mind some time later. How much time had passed, he was unsure. He had no idea how long he had been held under in the darkness. But he knew that was his name. He knew the familiarity of that voice. He just had to push himself out.

“What happened Elijah?” His sister’s voice. He knew that. He knew Rebekah’s voice. He could hear the panic in her words as he pulled himself closer to the surface.

“It’s Esther’s spell.” Klaus’s voice filled his ears. “I’ve seen this look on him before.”

“Where’s Y/N?” Rebekah asked. Elijah could only assume that Rebekah had been asking Klaus. But the question had brought Elijah closer to the surface than he had been in hours.

“Y/N.” Her name came out as a whisper but it was enough for him to gain the necessary control over his body once more.

He blinked his eyes a few times before the darkness that held onto him so tightly finally let go. The blurred edges of his vision finally clearing and allowed him to focus on his siblings. Klaus had been standing to his left and Rebekah to his right. Both of them had the same worried expressions displayed on their faces.

“Are you and Y/N okay?” Rebekah’s voice was soft. She was trying to keep her voice calm. If Klaus was sure this was the spell, she didn’t need her older brother being triggered once more.

Confusion filled Elijah at her question. He and Y/N had been fine moments ago. They simply had been discussing what steps to take to help get rid of Esther. What could possibly have happened in the last few minutes that would have caused his siblings to worry as they were?

That was when he caught sight of his blood drenched sleeve. It rested on the arm rest of the chair in the courtyard. He had no memory of ever sitting in that chair let alone how the blood had gotten on him. Dried blood covered his arm and was even caked on his fingers.

The more Elijah had a grip on reality, the more he noticed the smallest of details about himself. Besides the blood that lingered on his sleeve and hand, his face felt dry. No doubt from the blood that currently covered his lips and chin. While his suit may have been dark, a shade of crimson had taken front and center. The white button up ruined by a victim he was unaware of.

“What happened?” Rebekah asked once more.

Elijah shook his head. “I have no idea.”

As he moved to stand, his siblings allowed him the space he needed to do so. Elijah took in his surroundings, looking for any clarification as to what happened. His eyes moved from one place to another, trying to piece the last thing he remembered.

The rest of the courtyard had been left untouched. There was no evidence that there was an altercation of some kind. There were no bodies lingering on the floor somewhere. There was no scent of fresh blood filling his nose to indicate the death he caused had been there.

“Where’s Y/N?” Elijah asked, looking towards his siblings. “She may be able to explain what I cannot.”

Elijah knew that this had been his mother’s doing. He had known that there was something that had caused his mind to blank. But he had no idea how long he had been under or what had caused it. Everything deep within him was telling him something horrible had happened.

“She’s not here.” Klaus noted. “When we arrived, it had just been you.”

“I tried calling her phone.” Rebekah added. “But she left it here. I know she wouldn’t leave you while you were fighting this.” A flash of a memory passed through Elijah’s mind at her words.

“Stay with me.” Y/N’s said as she brought her thumbs up to Elijah’s cheeks. Her thumbs moved over the veins that were forming underneath his eyes. “Elijah.”

Elijah had been fighting it off. He was trying his hardest to stay there with her. To fight the darkness that wanted to consume him. He watched as her hands moved down to his neck in a comforting touch. But the only thing the darkness registered was a threat.

His hand quickly grabbed a hold of her arm and twisted it. As he had done so, a sickening crack played through the air and Y/N cried out in pain before she pulled herself free. He watched as she took a few steps away from him.

In return, Elijah took several steps towards her. The only thing registering in his brain was to get rid of the threat that stood in front of him. Y/N’s eyes filled with fear for the briefest of moments before she turned and ran with him following right behind her.

A gasp left Elijah’s lips as the memory left his mind. The details left him shaking his head in disbelief. He wouldn’t do that to her. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever hurt his wife like that.

“What is it?” Rebekah asked, watching her brother’s face change with his emotions.

“I hurt her.” His voice carried his disbelief and he hadn’t missed the look of shock on his siblings as the words settled within him. He shook his head once more trying to get things straight. “I broke her arm before she ran. She couldn’t get through to me."

An indescribable feeling began to form within Elijah. It was a feeling Elijah had never felt before. It was almost a deep satisfaction mixed in with grief that he knew he shouldn’t be experiencing. Yet it was there in the pit of his chest.

“She got away.” Rebekah was hopeful. “She managed to get away and she’s waiting until you came back to your senses to come home.”

I-it’s okay. I’m not scared. I promise.

The ache in his chest grew as he shook his head. The voice that rang within his ears was part of a memory that he couldn’t force himself out of. He could only hear her voice but not see what happened to her.

“I need to find my wife.” He said before turning and began leaving. Klaus and Rebekah were right on his heels in hopes to find Y/N and to find her completely fine.

It wasn’t long before the Mikaelsons had found themselves in the woods just outside of town. The familiarity of the area alerting Elijah that he had been there earlier that day. Klaus and Rebekah watched their brother as he tried to piece his memory together. Their mother’s spell was doing a number on him in the worst possible way.

The further they ventured into the woods, Klaus tried his best to be hopeful. But he was slowly picking up on how things had gone. Klaus knew what it was like to thrive with the darker sides of vampirism unlike his brother. As thrilling as the kill was, the hunt had been part of the fun.

If Elijah’s darker side had been hunting, Klaus knew there was only so far that Y/N could run before she found herself within his grasp. His sister in law may have been a vampire for centuries and stronger than most, she wasn’t an original. Even she could be killed easily if he or any of his siblings got a hold of her.

The sound of a twig snapping right under Elijah’s foot had snapped another memory through his mind.

With every step Y/N took as she ran, Elijah hadn’t been far from her. He could see the way she ran through the woods. Every fiber of the monster within him enjoying the hunt. But even while a hunter could find the hunt exciting, eventually there needed to be a time where the hunted needed to be caught.

He watched as Y/N steered towards her right before he moved himself to lead her to turn in a different direction. The game plan to keep moving her in the direction he wanted her. Her attempts at running from him would soon be pointless and he’d have her right where he wanted her.

He watched as she occasionally brushed by the branches close to her. Some of them broke while others bent to the force of her passing. He slowed his steps a bit, knowing it would give the moment of peace before he’d pounce.

That was until the slightest tug of a smirk played at his lips the moment he heard voices close by.

The soft late afternoon breeze picked up, allowing the scent of blood to fill the air. It alerted all of them to the strong scent that had been close by. It caused them to turn their attention in the direction of the wind.

“Blood.” Rebekah said out loud. Even though they knew what the scent was before the clarification, it needed to be heard to make sure they were all on the same page.

“Not her’s.” Elijah noted as he looked back towards the direction he had been going moments before. “Two hikers if it is needed to be known. They never saw it coming.”

Klaus looked down at the ground before looking towards his sister. A silent look shared between the two of them. One meant that this may not have the outcome they were hoping for. While Klaus wasn’t by any means hoping for Y/N’s death, that was all his mind settled on. If the bodies in the distance were any indication his brother had been pulled deep into the darkness that there was no telling what he could have done.

All it took was for Elijah to take a few more steps further into the woods before dread completely filled him. His chest became tight as the ache filled him. His heart knew well before his brain had registered the dark memories that were kept at bay. And with one more step his world had come to a complete stop.

Not too far in front of where he currently stood, his eyes fell to the base of a tree. Just peeking from behind it laid a hand, resting. One that currently rested palm down with the sun catching the ring that took residence on the fourth finger. A ring he had spent months perfecting the band the stone that Y/N loved sat in.

“No.” Elijah’s head shook as he took another step toward the hand. And with every step he took, his mind took the opportunity to torment him with the memories that he couldn't grasp onto until now.

Y/N had been looking just past the tree she had been hiding behind. Her attempts at being still to try and locate him had been pointless. The moment she had stopped, Elijah had her. The brief moments he had with hikers didn’t stop him keeping Y/N exactly where he wanted her.

Her moment of distraction allowed for his opening. Elijah grabbed a hold of her arm and spun her around to face him, pinning her to the tree. Her startled yelp filled his ears and the monster within him had chuckled.

He could see the way her eyes had been taking him in. No doubt taking in the creature that was reveling in death it was causing. He could see the way her eyes held worry for what was happening to him. But the creature within him could see the spark of fear that played within them as well.

“‘Lijah.” He watched as she shook her head slightly. “It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.”

From the moment Elijah noticed Y/N’s hand, there was hope that she was okay. While he may not have known what happened to her, he had hoped that she was only knocked out. He hoped he hadn’t hurt her too much and that he would send a lot of time trying to make up for what he may have done to hurt her. But once he reached her, he fell to his knees in front of her.

Her skin had been ashen gray. The dark colored veins that covered her body had been every indication that she wasn’t going to wake up. Y/N hadn’t been like him or his siblings. There wasn’t the possibility of waking up from an attempt at her life. And if that hadn’t been proof enough, her heart laid close by.

Tears filled Elijah’s eyes as he reached for her. His hand gently ran along her cheek as he took in her face. The life and color in her eyes that he loved so much had been gone. Even as he lifted her body into his lap, there was disbelief that even his darker self had been capable of killing the one woman he would never stop fighting for. Yet, she laid lifeless in his hold.

A sob passed his lips as he leaned down and pressed his forehead to her face. There were several emotions playing through him. Guilt, grief, anger at himself and at the monster that laid within him. Anger at his mother for the spell she had placed on him that forced that monster to the surface when he spent centuries trying to keep him at bay.

A gasp left Rebekah’s lips as she and Klaus had come to Elijah’s side. They both had taken in the scene just as Elijah had moments before. grief had instantly flooded the siblings as they watched their brother hold onto his wife.

When Rebekah tried to take a step towards Elijah and Y/N, Klaus pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug. While he knew that Rebekah meant well in wanting to be by their brother’s side, Klaus knew that Elijah needed a moment with his wife without anyone else interfering.

A loud cry of pain rang in Elijah’s ears as it left Y/N’s lips causing her hands to fall to her side. He watched as she looked down to find that he removed his hand from her neck, his other had been shoved into her chest. Her heart was within his grasp as he watched her take in her current situation.

He could feel the way her heart beat within his grasp. How fragile she had become the moment he had his hand in her chest. He had been holding her literal life in his hand and only one movement would bring the threat in his eyes to death.

He watched as Y/N's eyes had filled with tears before they began flowing down her cheeks. He had been studying her reactions. Taking them in as if for a moment as he was fighting himself on what he was doing. But the magic rooted deep within the monster would never allow the man out of the deep to save his beloved. With the simple action of squeezing his hand, another scream filled his ears at the action.

Elijah watched as even though Y/N had been struggling to fight against his hold, the tears that had once been streaming down her face had slowed. The fear that once was in her eyes, vanished almost completely. Her reactions went from surviving to accepting of what was to come.

Elijah shook his head as the memories flooded in. The details that poured into his mind did nothing but fuel the guilt and anger that filled him. Y/N tried everything she could to break through to him. Everything that worked beforehand, she had tried once more.

It was when Elijah had watched as her features changed in his memories that he understood how deep he had been under his mother’s spell. And as the memories continued to play, his hold on Y/N’s body became a little tighter.

Elijah watched as Y/N struggled for a moment more as she tried to gain some control over herself. Her eyes met his as she took a shaky breath.

“I-it’s okay.” Her voice cracked slightly before she groaned from the pain from the slightest movement of his hand. “I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.”

Elijah may have received the message Y/N had been trying to get to him, but that didn’t change what happened. Y/N had known she couldn’t break through to him to get him to stop. The only thing she could do was speak to the man that would come out of the darkness eventually.

“Forgive me.” Elijah said as he looked down at Y/N. Tears had fallen from his cheek and several tear drops had landed on Y/N’s face.

His mother had been hell bent to prove to her children that there was a way to get away from the creatures they had become. She offered each of them a way to start over and each of her children refused, content with their life even if there were centuries of heartache and darkness. None of them would be willing to trade their lives to live within an innocent’s body.

With that refusal, Esther played dirty and Y/N was the necessary means to the witch in order to drive her words home to her children. While it hadn't been directly her doing, it was her spell that left Elijah holding his wife’s body as he cried uncontrollably at what he did.

No amount of apologies that passed his lips could take back the actions he had done. No amount of begging to anything that would listen to bring her back would force life into her. No shaky touch of his fingers along her face or press of his lips to her skin would change the actions the creature within had done.

His blood stained hand held her ashen gray cheek as his thumb ran along the veins that littered her face. “Please forgive me.”

The words had been repeated several times in hopes that some way she’d be able to hear them. He said them more times in the last several minutes than he ever had said them within his existence. Yet, she’d never be able to say the words that he needed to hear.

His heart ached at the thought that she wouldn’t be able to give him the forgiveness that he seeked. Even though she accepted and went into her death with no fear, all while promising it hadn’t been his fault, he felt otherwise. Her blood, and others, were literally on his hands.

With her gone, Elijah knew nothing would be the same. The woman he spent a majority of his existence with had been taken from him. The woman that pulled him from the edge of darkness time and time again would no longer be able to. And that thought alone scared him more than anything.

His eyes moved over his face once more. His mind was trying to picture her in any form other than the ashen gray that took a hold of her. Anything to bring life into her. A way to hold on to her for as long as he can mentally do so. Physically, Elijah knew he could sit there for hours holding on to her, begging for the events to be different, begging for her forgiveness for killing her.

It was what would come after, that scared him. His light within the darkness had been snuffed out. The one person that could always bring him back would no longer be able to. The further into the spell he went, there would be no telling what would happen next.

As his hold on Y/N tightened, clinging onto what he had left, the creature within taunted him. Taunted him with the memories that he wished never happened in the first place. And with each fresh wave of guilt, Elijah was faced with the undeniable truth.

The next time he fell into darkness, there would be no coming back.

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xxwritemeastoryxx · 6 months

Text

Postcard Marks the Spot

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8K

Warnings: Canon typical torture that's about it in this one.

Author’s Note: Soooo..... I lied. There's definitely going to be more parts to this. All because I can't control myself. And if the muse wants to see this through, then I'm gonna do just that. You'll need to read the first two parts of this to understand what's going on. Don't forget to follow @xxwritemeastoryxxlibrary and turn on notifications just in case tumblr doesn't notify you with the tags.

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Phantom Masterlist || MCU Masterlist || Taglist

Her throat was raw from screaming. If it hadn't been for the mouth guard she was sure she would have broken teeth from clenching her jaw tightly as the electricity pulsed through her. The numbness she felt once the machine stopped barely gave her relief.

Fight it. You can fight it. The words she constantly repeated on a loop from the moment they first placed her into the chair. You are strong enough to fight this. You made it through worse.

"Who are you?" A woman's voice filled the air but she refused to find the source.

This wasn't the first time she heard the question and she was sure it wouldn't be the last. It was a question to see how much of her memories had been taken. To gage how much more they needed to subject her through.

Her answers varied with each time. At first she only told them to fuck off. Or occasionally she'd get the chance to spit in the face of the doctor that stood too close to her. The more they began to chisel away at her, the more her answers changed.

Just a random stranger.

The person that's going to kill you when I get out of this chair.

An ex Avenger.

Y/N.

Phantom

The moment the mouth guard was pulled from her lips. She panted out her birth name. The name she had barely remembered from her time in the Red Room. The name that had been taken from her the moment she sat in the chair for the first time.

It was the name that held no real meaning to her anymore. She had felt more of an attachment to the fake name she had been going by for the last handful of years than the name she had been born with. Yet at that very moment, that's the only name she remembered.

She watched as the woman standing in front of her wrote on the clipboard after she had spoken. As she did, she tried to remember how she had gotten there or how she even ended up strapped to the chair. The more she tried to remember the more her head hurt, and not just from the process they subjected her to.

"Do you know who this is?"

Another question they kept asking her before holding up a series of photos. Sometimes it'd be a group photo of the Avengers at a press conference or individual photos of each of them. Other times it'd be a photo of her original handler or several other faces recognizable through Hydra’s history. And each time she gave the appropriate answer to ensure they knew her memory was fine.

Until it wasn't. It was taking her longer to answer. Longer to figure out if she actually knew who she was looking at. At the beginning she'd easily say their names without any hesitation. But as each session progressed, she'd fight harder to remember their names. Sometimes she couldn’t at all.

A photo of Bucky was held up for her to see this time. By the looks of it the photo had been taken on a mission. His brows had been furrowed in concentration as he held a gun up, ready to pull the trigger when needed.

There were plenty of things going on in the photo, but she could only get her eyes to focus on his eyes. How familiar they had been to her no matter how many times she had seen them before and during her current situation.

With the familiarity came a sadness that filled her chest. A pain that she no longer understood why it had been there as she looked at his eyes. But it lingered in the pit of her stomach. But she knew him. Otherwise there'd be no familiar feeling as she looked at the photo.

Her brows furrowed as she tried to get her brain to work. To pull the information out from behind the wall that is being put up. After a moment an echo of his laugh filled her mind.

His laughter had been contagious the whole night. It was a sight she hadn't seen before and she was enjoying every moment of it, committing it to memory as if it was the last time she'd ever hear him laugh like that.

His vibranium arm had been holding several bags filled with merchandise he had acquired through the night. Y/N had enjoyed watching him go from booth to booth and taking everything in before deciding that what the vendor was selling was worth the price and bought it without second guessing himself.

Taking Bucky to a smaller fantasy based convention for his birthday was something that he never once expected to ever do. But seeing the excitement on his face as he went through the whole day pulling her to the different booths that caught his attention had been worth it.

For the first time since completely turning her back on Hydra, she got to really get to know who Bucky was. And from the moment she found the flier advertising the convention, she knew she had to take him.

"You have no idea how much I needed this." Bucky said as he pulled her closer to his side and put his arm around her shoulder. "I don't know how to express how much I appreciate you pushing me to give this a chance."

"Seeing you this happy and excited is all the expression I need." She kissed his cheek before giving him a smile. "Happy Birthday Bucky."

"His name is James Barnes." She said a moment later as she lifted her head up slightly to look at the doctor in front of her. "He's an Avenger. Former Winter Soldier and hostage of Hydra, just as I am."

A small tsk followed by a sigh came from the doctor. Before she knew it, the mouth guard was being forced back into her mouth.

She braced herself for the blow. But no matter how many times she had experienced it, her body was never prepared for the current of electricity being sent through her.

At the sound of the door opening, the doctor didn't bother to look up from the page she continued to write notes on. "This process would go a lot faster if we had her book."

"That was never recovered." A soldier responded as he came to a stop beside the doctor. His eyes moved over to chair the moment a new wave of screams left her mouth. "We can only go by the pages we've found that Pierce had copied during his temporary time as her handler."

"And nothing has come up from when you captured her?" The doctor looked up at the soldier before checking the watch on her wrist.

"No." The soldier responded. "For all we know she could have destroyed it along with the base."

"What are the chances of inserting new commands?" The doctor asked as she wrote a few more things on the clipboard before nodding her head to her assistant, indicating to turn off the machine.

He watched as Phantom sagged in the chair, panting. He had seen the fire in her eyes the day they brought her in. As she opened her eyes, he could tell that fire had been snuffed out. There would only be a few more times needed if they were lucky.

A small smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. "There's only one way to find out. "

___

It wasn't long after Bucky explained the meaning of the postcard that the team found themselves back on the quinjet. There was no actual plan of action or data to go off of. Only a destination based off of the location on the front of the postcard.

"What are the chances of her still being there?" Natasha asked, looking over at Bucky.

Their destination was only a few minutes away and all of them, especially Bucky were getting antsy. They weren't sure what would come from this trip. For it being 3 weeks since the postcard had been sent, they expected to almost find nothing once they landed.

"Slim to none." His attention was on the postcard in his hand. He hadn't put it down since Sam had handed it to him. His fleshed fingers would occasionally run along the grooves of her writing. "For her to send this, there had to be no other way of getting out of it."

"Then why send the postcard?" Sam asked.

Bucky’s eyes looked over the writing on the back for the millionth time. He could hear her words play through his mind. Okay, worst ever possible case scenario. He realized now that it wasn't just a random scenario. It was a just in case idea if either of them would ever need it.

He now understood why she had done it. They both had a past with Hydra. It was only a matter of time until someone attempted to get them within their grasp. Y/N knew she would be the easier target with the programming still locked within her mind.

This was her way of subtly adding in the details just in case something came up. And while the first stake out with the potential scenarios had been a few months after her escape from Hydra, she wanted it embedded in any way she could.

"It lets us know where to start looking." He responded a moment later. "Someone could have seen something. Or if she was keeping anything with her, that'd be where she left it. If we're lucky, we'll find something that will let us know at least in what direction Hydra went."

"Not to be the downer on the thought process," Sam began as he leaned forward in his seat. "What if that is the only thing we have to go on? She's been damn near impossible to even get a trail on after she stopped using the safe houses. For Hydra to find her, they've got something we don't and any trace of that could be gone."

That had crossed Bucky’s mind several times on the way over. Each thought process comes to the same two ends. On one hand there was a possibility that there'd be nothing else to go on. On the other, there was ache in his chest that screamed she'd leave something behind for him to find.

"What is it?" She asked as she finished wrapping her wounded hand in gauze. Bucky's brows had been furrowed as if he'd been thinking hard about something.

"Your hypothetical today." He said with a sigh. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."

She ran her good hand along her face. "Was it the Hydra question?" She watched as he nodded before she closed the distance between them. "If there's one thing I know, you'll always be free from them." She placed her hands on his cheeks as she looked up at him. "You're strong enough to fight without them getting into your head. And I'd be there guns ablazing to pull you out before they could try anything."

He chuckled as he placed his hands on top of hers. "Humor me. What's waiting on the other side of the postcard?"

She shook her head slightly, a smile pulling at her lips. "There’d be hope waiting on the other side. Whatever we have with us. My heart." They both chuckled. "If I ever needed to use Siberia, I'd make sure I'd leave whatever I could to help you find me. No matter how small or big it may be."

"You just have to trust me when I say this might be more than just a postcard." Bucky said as he looked over at Sam.

____

Once landed, the team had split up. Bucky took one look at his surroundings and gave the others several locations to search. Especially places he knew would have vantage points of the town. While any other time he'd willingly go searching for any sign of Y/N, he knew he had to be the one to go to the shop on the postcard.

He, along with Tony and Natasha, began making their way through the center of the town. Vendors lined both sides of the street. And as the town normally did, crowds gathered at each vendor.

Bucky’s eyes had constantly been scanning the area. They never settled in one spot for too long. They were scanning for the shop or anything that could be lurking around. If Hydra was still around, he didn't want to be caught off guard.

When the small shop came into view, Bucky’s pace picked up as he made his way over. He hadn't cared if the others had taken a second longer to realize where he was going. He hadn't cared how the bell rattled loudly against the door as he roughly pulled it open moments later. He just hoped that there was something. Anything to lead him in the right direction of Y/N.

As he scanned his eyes over the shop, he noticed three things. One, the way a glare formed on the shop owner's face before his eyes widened in surprise. Second, was the empty spot in the aisle that Bucky could only assume once held shelves. And third, his nose could pick up on the lingering scent of bleach.

There was no doubt that something had happened within the shop. He felt some relief that something had happened instead of coming up empty the moment he walked in. He felt it in his gut that she had been there. That the postcard hadn't led to a dead end.

He could almost imagine the path into the shop she would have taken before she reached the rotating shelf of postcards. The back and front entrance was visible no matter where she was within the shop. Several aisles filled with anything she could possibly grab to help her. He understood why it had to be this shop.

"You're the Avengers." The shop owner noted as Tony and Natasha began to walk towards him. Bucky followed behind shortly after and noticed how the shop owner's face quickly steeled over as if he was supposed to be that way from the beginning.

"At least that makes things easier." Tony said as he looked at Bucky and Natasha before looking back at the shop owner. Tony opened his mouth to continue when the shop owner quickly interrupted.

"Are you safe?" Bucky watched as the man asked Tony. He seemed not to care about what Tony may have wanted to ask and it made Bucky curious as to why.

"Safe?" A confused look formed on Tony’s face. "Of course I'm safe." Tony then pulled up a projection of Y/N. "Have you seen her come in?"

The owner looked at the projection for a moment before shaking his head. "No." He looked towards Natasha. "Are you safe?"

The three of them looked at each other for a moment before Natasha nodded her head. "I'm safe. We're all safe. We're just looking for our friend to make sure she is safe."

It was Natasha’s words that clicked something in Bucky’s mind. Anyone else would have just given an answer about if they had seen Y/N or not. But this man had been intentionally avoiding any questions about Y/N.

All he cared about was asking if they were safe. A question that seemed pointless given the current circumstances. But Y/N had sent him a postcard with a coded message. A code that had been tied into the steps he had created with a scenario she had come up with for the sake of making a stakeout easier to handle.

The owner shook his head slightly before looking at Bucky. There was a look in his eyes, almost pleading that one of them knew how to respond. "Are you safe?"

An annoyed sigh passed Tony’s lips at the words but Bucky nodded his head. "Pancakes."

"What?" Both Tony and Natasha said at the same time.

"I'll explain later." Bucky shrugged.

A smile pulled at the shop owner's lips as he kept his eyes on Bucky. "Your preference?"

Bucky chuckled at the memory that crossed his mind. One that left him and Y/N tangled in each other before the smoke alarm went off. "Regular, but the burnt ones made the memories."

The shop owner nodded his head quickly. "One moment." He moved away from the counter and made his way towards the back room.

Bucky looked over to find Natasha and Tony sharing the same look of curiosity. Bucky shrugged his shoulders. "Y/N played this smart. Anyone else would have given you an answer about if they saw her. Not look directly at an image of her and lie before asking the same thing to the person standing next to you." He looked over at Nat. "He completely ignored what you said after asking. But when you mentioned we were making sure Y/N was safe, it hit me what the phrase was. So I gave it to him."

Before Natasha or Tony could respond in any way, the shop owner came back carrying a decorative box. One that was decent in size but small enough to be held in one hand.

"Your friend said to give this to you." He held it out for Bucky. Bucky gently reached out to take it from him. "She told me she'd only trust the person who could answer correctly. Said what was left of her life was in that box."

"Thank you." Bucky said as he brought the box closer to him. His eyes never left the lid of the box as he had.

I'd make sure I'd leave whatever I could to help you find me. No matter how small or big it may be.

Part of him was afraid to even look inside of it. If this was all she had kept with her, it added to the guilt that was already hooked within him. The other part of him wanted to know what items the box contained that would help put him in the right direction in finding her.

"Was this where she was taken?"

Bucky had heard Natasha’s voice ask the question. But his brain wasn't fully latching onto the conversation as his focus was now on opening the box.

"No. She killed two of them here before she left. Tourists saw soldiers take her down at the next block over."

She fought her way out.That would explain the empty space and smell of bleach. Bucky thought as he placed the box and the lid on the counter top in front of him. The box had been filled halfway with items Y/N had put in there.

At first glance Bucky could see some pictures. Pictures that made a small tick of a smile pull at his lips. A strip of photos from a booth stuck out and he gently pulled it out taking in the images.

His heart longed for the moments the camera had captured. The smile on both of their faces as they looked at each other instead of the camera. How her eyes had shined so beautifully as she looked over at him. Or how he kissed her at the right time for the last photo. The first time he ever kissed her was captured for them in a small square photo.

His face fell as that guilty feeling poked out at him. He hated himself for forcing her to leave. He hated that he waited so long to start visiting safe houses and leaving her messages. Messages that had been left unanswered as those safe houses stayed vacant.

Sighing, he placed the picture strip back on top and lifted the pile of photos to stand against the edge of the box. Underneath the photos were a few folded maps.

Maps of the different locations she had been in over the last year and a half. Circles and Xs were visible in certain locations. No doubt places she deemed safe and places to stay clear of. On the top right corner of the first map, her writing had caught his interest quickly.

If you're reading this, thank you for coming. You didn't have to, but you did. You are the only person who would understand the contents of this. Keep it safe. Keep it hidden. I trust you with it.

His eyebrow raised as he lifted the maps. Beneath them were two journals stacked on top of each other. One of them he recognized right away. The other not so much.

The one he recognized had been Y/N’s journal. One that she had kept with her on every mission, every vacation, and that she wrote in nightly. Her favorite color protected the pages she had been writing on. And by the simple glance of it, there were only a few more pages left untouched.

When he pulled the second journal out, his heart dropped. The black leather journal stared right up at him. The white lettering on the front was bright against the cover. The journal is newer in comparison to the one that still occasionally haunts his dreams.

His fleshed fingers ran over the etched lettering in the leather. Each letter he traced with his finger proved further that Y/N did her best to make sure no one could just come along and surprise her. She'd go down as herself and not as the asset they made her into.

As his fingers came to the last letter on the cover, flashes of a red journal appeared across his mind. How he loathed the memories of sitting in that suppressing machine and seeing the soldier in front of him read from the journal. How a journal such as that one, and the one in his hand, had the capability to take away a person's free will in an instant.

Phantom. The front of the cover stated. It wasn't a symbol like the one he had seen being used during his time in Hydra’s hold. A single word that held more secrets than a symbol.

Every detail about her time as Phantom was sitting in his hand. Her trigger words, the torment and conditioning she had been subjected to, along with notes from her handlers about her missions would be within the pages of the journal. The one thing that kept her from ever falling into the wrong hands without a fight and he now had it.

She trusted him with the very detailed past she tried so hard to keep hidden from him. Trusted him with the very thing that could be used against her time and time again if allowed. He had it in his hand and he wanted nothing more than to watch it burn.

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xxwritemeastoryxx · 1 year

Text

Target Acquired

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6502

Warnings: Canon typical violence, flashback scenes, time jumps, and not enough Bucky. Somewhat angst. necessary filler to make sense of what's coming next.

Author’s Note: I KID YOU NOT I TRIED TO MAKE THIS A PART 2 WITH A FLUFFY ENDING AND IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE! So you get an in-between part to lead to the fluff. Don't come for me. I swear the next part to this will end in fluff. Even if it ends up being over 10k 😅 Please be sure to read Compromised before diving into this one! As a reminder please go and follow @xxwritemeastoryxxlibrary and turn on notifications so you never miss a new fic!

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Compromised || MCU Masterlist || Fandom Masterlist || Taglist

“I’m going to ask this one more time.” There was hurt in his voice and every part of him hoped that the answer he now had in his mind was wrong. “Who is your mission?”

“You.”

“I know you don’t owe me any favors, and I definitely don’t deserve this, but please. Just pretend we’re okay, just for tonight, just for show.” She watched as his eyes hadn’t changed as he kept them on her. “Please. The others don’t need to hear about this right now and I promise that I’ll be gone by sunrise.”

He stood there for a moment, taking her in one last time. For the briefest of moments, this was his Y/N that he was looking at. The woman he had loved with everything he could give. She wasn’t the enemy that had been standing in front of him. Nor was she the woman that broke his heart several times within their conversation tonight.

The pain in his chest shattered the illusion a moment later and all he could see and feel was the betrayal from her. The lies he had heard over the years on a loop in his mind as he looked into her eyes. He couldn’t give her the whole night she was asking for. He didn’t even know if he’d be capable of giving her any time longer than him walking out of this room.

“I’ll give you until your candles are out.” He said as he shook her hand off of his and opened the door. “That’s the only time you’ll get. After that it’s fair game.”

Party decorations were still displayed throughout the area. The table that sat off to the side and held several stacks of presents were left untouched. The party atmosphere that had been in full swing several hours ago had been sucked out the moment unease settled within the air.

Bucky didn’t want to talk about why Y/N had left so quickly after she had blown out her candles. Their friends had bombarded Bucky with several questions, trying to figure out what happened. But eventually the different questions had caused Bucky to quickly get up from his seat and leave the room.

He made his way back into the side office he had been occupying earlier. In his rush to leave the room to give himself some space from Y/N, he didn’t grab the file. And as he made his way back into that room, the contents of it had been neatly tucked back into that file.

His eyebrow raised as he moved towards it. The last time he had seen it, the contents of the file had been spread out on the desk, with every piece of information on display. For it to be put back as neatly as it had been, he knew Y/N had been back here as well.

Proof that it had in fact been her had been the single sticky note that had been left on the front of the file. Her writing was easily recognizable to Bucky. And as his eyes scanned the words, he couldn’t stop the mixed emotions that bubbled within him.

It's yours to do with as you please.

Beneath that had been several words and phrases that wouldn't make sense to anyone else. But to Bucky they were code words he only knew the meaning to. A secret language the two had created for themselves. Even though his eyes read the different words on the paper, he could only hear the translation in his mind.

Forgive me. You have my heart. I’ll be there if you need me.

Bucky’s fleshed fingers ran over the words on the sticky note before pulling it off and crumpling it up in his hand before tossing it in the trash can beside the desk. There shouldn’t have been the warm familiarity of seeing the code words, but there was. There shouldn’t have been the slightest bit of guilt seeping through the anger and betrayal he felt. But the guilt reared its head like an annoying thorn.

“Why can’t you just answer the question?”

“Because it isn’t necessary! I left. I made the choice to be better. You got to do the same. Why is it any different with me?”

Her voice rang in his ears at the memory. The conversation was just hours old and Bucky was still playing it back as if it just happened. The guilt that poked through the anger constantly reached for that exact moment. The exact words eating at him.

Was her situation the same? Definitely not. But had she done as he had and left the grasp of Hydra and done better since then? He knew she had. He knew she had worked harder since that night he found her sitting in his doorway. She had proved time and time again that she could be trusted. That she was one of them as the years followed.

“Because I don’t know how I can trust you without knowing all of the facts.”

His own voice played through his mind as the memory continued. His voice shot back at her as he took that step closer to her to keep her from leaving. His anger and hurt laced within his words as he said them. He believed that anyone else would understand how he was feeling. He was sure they’d understand why moments later he had told her to leave.

Bucky had all the information he needed right in front of him. It pointed to all the right reasons why Y/N shouldn’t be around him or the team. Why he feared whatever ties she may currently still have to the organization he fought so hard to escape. And the one person he had opened his heart to had been working for them. Yet, the guilt laid there under the anger telling him that he had taken it too far.

Grabbing a hold of the file, he walked out of the room, returning to the common area. He could have waited until the morning to tell the others. He could have waited a few days to process everything. But he knew he wouldn’t have been able to handle the questions that would come if didn’t deal with it now.

“I don’t see her just up and leaving like that.” Tony’s voice carried over as he spoke with the others. “Did something happen between them that she would need time away?”

“I doubt it.” It was Sam’s voice that came next. “They had been gone for a bit earlier. He came out before her and there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary.”

“She left because I told her to leave.” Bucky made his presence known as he walked over to the table they were sitting around.

He hadn't missed the shocked looks he had received the moment the words left his lips. The furrowed brows mixed in with the widened eyes was something he was used to around here. He watched as Tony opened his mouth to speak before Bucky started once more.

“There was something she mentioned some time ago that didn’t sit right with me. I tried to ignore it but after a few weeks I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.” His eyes moved to Steve for a moment before looking at the others. “‘Being free from the memories tied to it makes it easier to get the job done.’ Were her exact words that I couldn’t get out of my head.”

“That could have meant anything.” Tony shook his head. “We say a lot of things around here that sound weird out of context.”

“How many SHIELD agents do you know that can relate to having memories taken away?” Bucky asked. “Because all the agents that came over besides her never experienced anything like that.”

“She was Hydra.” Steve said with a disappointed look forming on his face.

“No.” Natasha added. “There’s no way she was. There would have been some kind of information on her.” She looked over to Tony. “Your A.I. would have picked up on something.”

“I wondered the same thing.” Bucky said, catching their attention. “I wondered how someone could have gotten through not only your defenses but kept a low enough profile to not have anything on record anywhere. So I asked someone that I knew was good at digging.” He looked over the others before his eyes landed on Natasha. He knew if anyone was going to understand, it was going to be her. “Phantom.”

The others watched as Natasha’s eyes widened the moment the words left Bucky’s lips. She shook her head quickly after. “No. There’s no way that can be her.”

“I didn’t want to believe it at first.” Bucky tossed the file on the table in front of him. It slid across the top and came to a stop in front of Natasha. “But it’s hard to ignore all of the signs when they’re in bold flashing letters.”

“Wait, who is Phantom?” Sam asked, looking between Bucky and Natasha. “Isn’t that the woman Scott had to deal with?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “I believe that was Ghost.”

“Phantom,” Bucky said, getting their attention once again. “was used more frequently by Hydra. Never hand in hand on missions with the Winter Soldier or else I would have remembered her. I remember it being said where the second batch of Winter Soldiers failed, Phantom was their success.”

“While in the Red Room we heard stories about a girl who was purchased by Hydra the day before her ‘graduation ceremony’.” Natasha added. She hadn’t missed the grimaces on some of their faces when she said ‘purchased’. “Phantom was to be their saving grace. It was said Phantom could get in and out of wherever easily with whatever information was needed in record time. Put Phantom undercover for 24 hours and they’ve got everything they need to overthrow the target in 12 hours.” Her eyes moved to the file that she hadn’t touched yet. She shook her head before sliding the file towards the middle before looking up at Bucky. “It's not her. Or else we would have been in shambles years ago.”

“It wasn’t the Avengers she was trying to dismantle.” It was the tone of Bucky’s voice that clued the others in on what her Mission was. “When I confronted her, she admitted that her mission was to infiltrate and report information that was deemed useful to Hydra while waiting for her orders about her main target." He paused for a moment. “When I came to the compound, I knew there was something off. I felt it in my gut when I first met her. But she had been thick as thieves with most of you so I put that feeling aside. And after some time of letting that guard down I let her in not knowing that I was her mission.”

Steve shook his head. “If that were true, she would have attempted to take you out at some point. We would have known.”

“Unless she had a change of heart.” It was Tony's voice that spoke up.

Tony had taken the file and begun going through it while the others continued to speak. The amount of information that it held was astonishing to Tony. How FRIDAY had missed any of this had stumped him.

Every search that had been done on candidates had been thorough. Sealed records and even crimes that one may think had been brushed under the rug would have been found. Yet everything in the file was news to him.

Sighing, Tony gently tossed an image onto the table. It was a photo they had seen before. A destroyed Hydra base they had no explanation for. “We were wondering who our mystery vigilante was that took down that Hydra base. It makes sense. She spends a bit of time with a kindred spirit and when given her mission, she can’t go through with it.”

“Hydra would have pulled her out if she was compromised.” Nat shook her head.

“Not if it meant getting our attention that she was gone.” Steve added.

“And wiping her memories would have risked the mission.” A huff of a scoff passed Bucky’s lips as a thought crossed his mind and shook his head. At one point she would have been breaking through the brainwashing Hydra had put her through. The nightmares she’d occasionally have along with her moments of spacing out, remembering something. All the same things he had gone through, just not at the same intensity. “All of the signs were right there and I didn’t see them.”

“None of us did.” Sam said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“The question we should be asking now is do we trust her enough that she’s actually changed?” Tony asked as he looked at the others. “Or should we be on full alert that the one person who knows way too much about us is out there with no alliance?”

It was that question that Bucky couldn't bring himself to say anything. His mind and emotions were everywhere and he couldn't give an answer. He had been on the opposite side of things this time. He hadn't been the one on the run. He hadn't been the one with all eyes on him.

"I am not Hydra anymore! If you’re going to take anything away from this, please let that be it.”

And it was as her voice rang through his head once more that the guilt poked through again and hooked on. He shouldn’t have just let her leave like he had. Not for the fear of what she could possibly do, but for the fact that while he had gotten a new chance, he practically tied the noose around her neck for her.

ONE AND A HALF YEARS LATER

Old floorboards creaked as Y/N walked across the room with a ceramic mug in her hand. She walked over towards the small window in the kitchen that gave her the perfect vantage point of the neighborhood. There was some peace that came over Y/N every morning that she came to stand by it. She had only been in this apartment for a few weeks, but there was always a need to keep checking to make sure she was in the clear.

After leaving the compound, she jumped from place to place constantly to ensure she stayed under the radar. She wasn’t sure what to expect in the weeks that followed. She expected many of the people that she cared about to come looking for her. She expected to be arrested for the details that came to light.

Instead, when she occasionally picked a familiar safe house to stay in from time to time, she’d find messages directly to her. Messages asking for her to get in contact with a few of them. Most of the notes had been from Natasha. But no matter how many times she missed the people she cared about she couldn’t bring herself to respond. Soon she stopped going to the familiar places and stuck with the occasional rundown apartment.

Her eyes scanned the buildings across the way before moving down to the civilians down below on the busy streets. She watched as several vendors sold their items from time to time or watched as the schools of children ran home the moment the time came. Always searching for something that stood out in the familiarity of things. Even after moving around for over a year and across the world, her routine never changed.

No matter how free she had been with the Avengers, she was now someone who was alone. She was someone without any ties to an organization and that meant someone would always come knocking. And Y/N knew that some of them wouldn’t come with a container of cookies.

As she brought the mug up to her lips, her mind instantly went to Bucky and how he would have enjoyed this little town. How even though the streets were crowded, she had mostly been left alone. As the thought played through her mind, it didn’t stop the ache in her chest from forming. No matter how much time had passed, she still missed him.

Maybe she didn’t deserve to miss him. Not after what she had been keeping from him. She tried so hard to bury her past and keep it under for it to only be uncovered by Bucky. She deserved his anger and how easy it was for him to ask her to leave. If she was being honest, she had expected many things to come from that night, but staying under the radar hadn’t been one of them.

A part of her wanted there to be a message from Bucky waiting for her when she stopped by one of the familiar safe houses. Yet there never was. Not that she was expecting there to be. She knew Bucky could possibly never forgive her. If he had…even then she wouldn’t know. Not when she tried hard to make sure she lived like the namesake that was forced upon her.

Shaking her head slightly, her eyes moved along the alley way at the far end of the street. Her eyes instantly fell on the shade the building provided and the man standing within the shadows. He was by himself and scanning the crowd in front of him. She would have thought he had been waiting for someone until he turned slightly and she caught a glimpse of a handgun attached to his hip.

Her eyes hesitantly moved from his figure as she began scanning once more. As she did, she found another standing by one of the vendors. His appearance stood out in the crowd. It made the hair on the back of her neck stand as she watched the second one for a moment. His movements were quick, but she watched as his hand fiddled with the comms in his ear.

When she found a third making his way up the fire escape across the street from her building, that had become her queue to get out of there. After setting the mug on the counter, she began moving around the small space and collected her essentials. Her pace is quick, but thorough.

Moving from place to place meant keeping things light at all times. Her getaway bag had maps and tools she needed to ensure she could get from one place to another. Tucked in a hidden pocket in the back of the bag, she had a yellow envelope with small mementos of her life before leaving the compound. Once she had what she needed she was out the door.

"There's my favorite rogue agent." A feminine voice came over the low murmurs of patrons speaking around them.

Y/N's eyes rolled as she finally turned her attention to the woman that had been speaking. "What do you want, Valentina?"

The moment Y/N heard Valentina step into the area, she had known she had overstayed her welcome in the city. She may have been across the country from the Avengers Compound, but it apparently wasn’t far enough for her to show up.

“You mean I can’t come and visit you while you plan out your next move to completely avoid your ex boyfriend?” A close to genuine chuckle passed Valentina’s lips as she continued to move closer to Y/N before taking a seat next to her in a small cafe. “I must say you’ve gone soft over the years. The Y/N I knew when we first met wouldn’t have let someone such as James Barnes to drive her away. Let alone turn her back on not one but two organizations she showed loyalty to.”

“There’s a reason one of those organizations no longer exists and most members are dead.” Y/N’s eyes never left Valentina’s. She didn’t trust the woman at all and with her being there now, it couldn’t be good. “Some people refuse to be puppets.”

A small smirk pulled at the woman’s lips. “Yet here you are, hiding out in a cafe after spending the day on rooftops to get even the smallest glimpse of the man you betrayed. Seems to me he’s still holding the strings.” She watched as Y/N shifted through her emotions for the briefest of moments. “Such a shame the betrayal happened on your birthday. Must have been one hell of a party.”

Before the words completely left Valentina’s lips, Y/N had her gun cocked and aimed at Valentina from under the table. While any other time she wouldn’t move to make a scene, Y/N acted on her emotions. “You were his informant. You handed him the file.”

Valentina rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. "Oh sweets, I have someone else to do my dirty work. I simply provided the information at a higher link."

Valentina may have heard the sound of the gun cocking back, but she made no move to act on it. She was calling Y/N’s bluff. It was a crowded cafe and she knew Y/N wouldn’t intentionally cause a midday scene with the Avengers still in the city.

"What is it that you gain from giving it to him?" She asked with a raised brow. "Or was it for the satisfaction that you still have some ties into my life?"

A huff of a chuckle passed Valentina's lips as her eyes never left Y/N. "I did it because if given the right persuasion, I'd gain you without any loyalties to anyone or any organization."

“Wrong move. Because I’d rather be retired than have any kind of ties with you.”

“What if I told you I happen to come into possession of something that can remove that trigger in your head. Would you change your mind?"

"I'd call you a liar and still want nothing from you. I'm safe from my triggers. They don't exist anymore."

A huff came from Valentina. "You should know that there are a few others that are interested in having you with them. I'm your best shot at not letting you fall into the wrong hands. They're building from the ground up."

Y/N's eyebrow raised slightly. "I think I'll take my chances."

This wasn't the first time she was forced to move because someone had found her. After her interaction with Valentina, she was always keeping her guard up. Her past made her a valuable asset to have. Many tried bribing her before she kept herself under the radar. Others were planning on a more forceful approach.

Y/N wasn’t stupid. She knew that there was the possibility that there was someone out there that was crazy enough to try and keep Hydra going. While the Avengers and herself had taken out the bases, she knew there were smaller factions that were waiting for their big break. Their big break being the woman that can easily get what they wanted quickly.

Following her escape route should have been easy. She had timed it out twice since moving in and it had been an effective way out of the town. If her pursuers hadn’t seen her yet, she’d be able to get away in record time. If they had, she'd have to find a way to push the time.

The moment she reached ground level, she began merging herself in with the small crowds around the vendors. Her pathway out of town was to the west and from where she currently stood. Her eyes are constantly moving, taking in every detail to ensure her escape as quickly as possible.

Two vendors down, she took note of the man she saw from her window. She watched as his eyes moved from the booth he was looking at, up to the apartments. No doubt looking at the window she had been standing in not too long ago.

As she carefully made her way, she kept her eyes focused on the vendors as she passed him while keeping her ears open. She needed to know their current stance before making a run for it. The moment she was in proximity of him, she had been able to hear the partial conversations he had been having through his comms.

“She was just there.” There was a pause as he listened. Y/N stiffened a bit as her hand ran over a necklace hanging in front of her. Don’t run. It will bring unwanted attention. “Search the area. She couldn’t have gotten far.”

With that, Y/N moved in between two of the vendors before making her way down the street. She had almost been to the alleyway she had marked for her escape when she caught sight of another agent walking out of that exact alley way.

Quickly thinking, she walked into the small tourist shop she had been in front of. The shop had several aisles of shelving that were filled with trinkets. She moved her way through the little shop, knowing there was a back entrance she could slip out through.

"Alleyway clear."

The moment the words were said, she backtracked her steps and moved back into the aisles. Shit. Her thoughts played as her eyes moved towards the front of the shop. She watched as two others ran right past the window of the shop.

Knowing she was surrounded this time sent a spike of fear through her body. Her mind raced through several ways this could play out. One, she could fight her way out with the attention it would bring and run with the ability to lay low. Two, she'd fight and die in the process because she wouldn't let anyone take her to manipulate her. And then there was the third option.

It was an option that she didn't know if it would work at all. She could lay low for as long as she needed to in order to get a message out before fighting long enough before being captured. But it was a matter if the person receiving the message would care enough to act on it.

She bit her lips as she watched the agents from the opposite end of the street begin to close in. "Option three it is."

She worked quickly to get the items she needed. Grabbing a postcard from the rotating rack, she made sure it had the little shop’s name on it. Second, she grabbed a small decorative box that had been on the shelf across the way.

With both in hand, she began making her way towards the shop owner that had been standing there watching her the whole time. His eyebrow was raised with a small scowl on his lips as she approached the counter and she gave a soft smile, placing the items on the counter.

She had been in his shop only once before. But it had been enough to know she could use him to help get her message out. Even now she could see the way the news clippings and posters of her former teammates hung directly behind him.

"What if I told you I can get the Avengers to show up here to your shop?" She asked as she pulled out her old Avengers patch from her tactical suit and placed it on top of the items. The scowl on his face slowly formed into a smile and she knew she was in.

It wasn't long after he had helped her get things in order when she heard the front door open. She could hear the heavy boots hit the tiled floor.

Perfect timing. She thought as she gave the shop owner one more smile. "Sorry for any damage that's about to happen."

The moment she finished, she felt a hand grab a hold of her shoulder. Out of instinct and all her years of training, Y/N was able to flip the agent over onto his back. A knife was easily in her hand, stabbing him right in the neck before he had even hit the ground.

Another set of hands reached for her before she blocked his movements with her own arm. It allowed her to turn and face him as she dodged his blows and before swiping her legs right under his. With his fall, he crashed against one of the shelves of trinkets causing a shattering mess of figurines.

As he moved to get up, Y/N looked around for anything to use to her advantage. At least that was until the shop owner held out a crowbar towards her. Her eyebrow raised for a moment before she shrugged and took a hold of it. Without a second thought, she swung the crowbar, hitting his head with full force, sending him back into the broken glass.

A scoff passed her lips as she took in the mess before her. It had felt way too easy to her. She hadn’t even come close to breaking a sweat. Neither of them seemed prepared for what she was capable of. If they really wanted to take her down, it was going to take a lot more than they had been giving.

Placing the crowbar on the counter, she leaned down and pulled the knife still lodged in the first agent. “Mail that out quickly. When they get here, make sure you stick-”

“To the instructions you gave.” The shop owner rolled his eyes. He motioned towards the front door. “If you’d be so kind as to leave before more of them come and cause more damage.”

She pulled the knife out quickly before she was moving out the door. It gave her the chance to move along a few of the shops towards the other alleyway she knew would make it out of the block to exit the town. Turning into it, she began running.

As she neared the end, she braced herself for whatever would come next. Her escape had been too easy. Agents had barely put up a fight. And in the back of her mind, she knew. This is where they get her.

The moment she ran out past the exit of the alley a shuddered gasp left her lips. A jolt of electricity pulsed through her body, immobilizing her. She fought to keep the scream that bubbled in her throat at bay, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of hearing it. When she fell to the ground, she watched as the shadows of agents moved in on her. Before darkness could consume her, she watched as one of them stood over her.

“Welcome back to the fold, Phantom.”

_____

"Man, it sure is good to be back." Sam said the moment he stepped off the ramp of the quinjet.

"Debrief is in an hour. Don't get too comfortable." Steve added as the rest of them made their way towards the compound.

A few groans filled the air before they went their separate ways. Some of them went towards their rooms to free themselves from the tactical gear they were in. Others, in an attempt to not fully relax before the debrief, went into the common area.

"Looks like we've gotten mail." Wanda noted as she walked past the countertop they were on, heading for the fridge.

"Does anyone else find it odd that you actually get mail here?" Clint asked.

Sam collected the small stack of mail and started going through it. As he did he began handing them out the people currently in the room.

"Can't hide from the bill collectors." Natasha joked as she reached out and got the singular piece of mail from Sam.

"Bill collectors or fan mail." Sam added. When he reached the bottom of the stack an eyebrow raised. "Well that's a first." His eyes caught as Bucky moved further towards the seats by the back wall. "Barnes actually has mail." He began moving towards Bucky.

"What, junk mail?" Bucky joked as he sat himself down in the arm chair.

“Looks like fan mail.” Sam said as he handed him the post card. “Though it doesn’t say who it’s from or why they sent it.”

Bucky’s eyebrow raised as he took a hold of the postcard. A foreign gift shop covered the front of it. It was a place Bucky had never seen let alone heard the name of. When he turned the card over, he instantly knew who it was from.

Y/N’s writing had been rushed. The Compound’s address is written along with his name. Right in the open block for a message had only been one single word. It took a moment before recognition registered in his brain at the phrase, causing him to quickly stand from his seat.

“Hypothetical scenario,” Y/N said as she looked over at Bucky as he looked out the window, keeping an eye on the target. She could see the way he slightly shook his head with a small smile pulling at his lips at her words before she even began. It was something she always did with him when they were stuck playing the waiting game. “If anything were to happen that we got separated and went missing. How would you let me know you were alive?”

Bucky spared a glance over at Y/N. “By showing up and proving that I can’t be easily gotten rid of.” His eyes moved back to the target. “I doubt with the technology Stark has, there’d ever be a need for this scenario.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Okay then let’s add onto the scenario. We’re not working with the Avengers and we’re two rogue agents out there in the world. Someone attempts to take us out and we need to lay low after that attempt to make sure it’s clear. How would you let me know you were okay?”

Bucky sighed and thought about it for a moment. “Postcard of where we are.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Send it to a previously discussed location. Maybe the next safehouse we planned. With a code word that makes no sense to anyone else.”

“What would the code word be?” She asked as she got up from her spot to go stand beside him.

“For safe?” He watched from his peripheral as she nodded. Her eyes on their target. His mind could only think of one thing. The first time he knew he loved Y/N was over breakfast after an exhausting mission. One where pancakes may have burned since they had been distracted. “Pancakes.”

A laugh passed her lips. “Burnt or Regular?”

“While I prefer regular, the burnt ones make the memories.” He bumped his right shoulder against hers. She bumped hers back against his as they watched the target pace back and forth on the phone. “What if you were going to be late to the randevou?”

“Stark.” She said without hesitating, causing him to laugh. “That proves it's a perfect fit. Okay, worst ever possible case scenario. What if we know we’re being stalked- let's say by Hydra- and more than likely be captured. You only have enough time to write one word before sending it, what would it be?”

His brows furrowed at the mere mention of the scenario. Sometimes her hypothetical worried him but he always went along with it and thought about his answers. While he never believed they would ever need something to warn each other, he knew that one word needed to stand out. After a moment he nodded his head. “Siberia.”

Bucky’s widened eyes focused on the single word within the text block. Unlike how she rushed with the address, Bucky could tell she took the extra time to make sure this word was loud and clear.

SIBERIA

"FRIDAY, how long ago did this arrive?" Bucky asked, never taking his eyes off of the postcard.

The postcard was delivered three weeks ago. Two days after the team left for the mission. Threat level zero.

His chest tightened. They had all been gone when the postcard got there. He hadn't been there when it had arrived. The only person that could decipher the single word on it had been nowhere near it when Y/N needed him to get the message.

Three weeks he and the rest of the team had been out there dealing with the small weeds of Hydra that were starting to grow. Three weeks of making sure nothing would ever come from them poking their heads up from the ground. Three weeks of fearing that Y/N would be entangled in them somehow on her own free will.

Even before the mission and in between, he spent several months checking in on safe houses and apartments along the way. It may have been brief moments of arriving but it was enough to give a thorough check in. All of the stops with one goal in common, looking for Y/N.

Looking for her so he could apologize. Looking for her to make sure there was some proof she was alive out there. Looking for her to bring her back home with him. But she was good at keeping herself invisible. Good enough that part of him wanted to give up, but he couldn't bring himself to.

Now, there was no telling what kind of trouble she was in before she had been captured. While part of him hoped it was any other organization attempting to get their hands on Y/N, he knew that wasn't the case. Not with that code word.

An uncomfortable chill ran up his back and he had to stop himself from crumpling up the postcard in his hand as he dealt with the whirlwind of emotions he was feeling at that moment.

"What is it?" Natasha asked, watching him. Bucky’s eyes moved towards her before looking at the others who were watching in curiosity.

For a moment his brain shifted through every memory he had within the grasp of Hydra. Every scream he let out had echoed in his ears. The torment and conditioning he had been subjected to. It wasn't long before the visions of himself morphed into her being the one to experience it all. All of it screaming at him that everything has gone wrong. All because he forced her to leave.

"It seems we missed a growing Hydra faction on our mission. It's from Y/N." He hadn't missed the widened eyes at the mention of her name. "She sent the postcard. It's a warning and a plea for help. She's been captured by Hydra."

#MCU #MCU fanfic #Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier x reader #reader insert #female reader #Compromised #Compromised Part 2 #xxwritemeastoryxx writes 2023 #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #winter soldier fanfiction #winter soldier fic

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xxwritemeastoryxx · 6 months

Text

Phantom

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Fem!reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Nothing that's not Canon. But just in case, mentions of torture

Author’s Note: Its a day early but I dont care. A little bit more of torture. But I keep writing and adding more. 😅 I promise action and more next chapter. Characters might be a little out of character (Tony mostly) because I was having issues writing. My muse has been a fickle bitch lately. As a reminder, please be sure to follow @xxwritemeastoryxxlibrary and turn on notifications so you never miss a fic!

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Phantom Masterlist || MCU Masterlist || Taglist

"FRIDAY, pull up any footage that may have caught a glimpse of Y/N."

Tony’s voice had caused Bucky to put everything back into its place before almost slamming the top back onto the box earning looks from the others. He simply shrugged his shoulders before bringing the box to his side. The vibranium keeping the box in a tight hold.

Unfortunately the only footage found was time stamped two days before her capture. A projected video came up from Tony’s watch. A tourist couple had been recording the vendors area.

Bucky had moved closer to look at the video footage as it began to play. They could hear the loud environment as the video began to pan over the vendors. People were chatting away and you could hear some laughter in the background.

Different vendors panned within seconds before a particular stand came into view. While the person behind the camera had been focused only on the goods each vendor had, they had unknowingly caught Y/N on camera.

Bucky watched as she spoke with a vendor. Watched as she would occasionally take in her surroundings, keeping watch of what could be lurking. A moment later the vendor pointed to something up and off screen. Y/N nodded her head a moment later before handing over cash. It wasn't long after that the person filming had moved past that particular stand and filmed the next vendor.

"This is how they found her. " Natasha noted.

"Why didn't we get notified about this clip?" Bucky asked.

With the recent missions, the data changed the sequence of importance in regards to Y/N. FRIDAY began. It earned a glare from Bucky. The more the team has cleaned up Hydra, the less information there is on her. Facial recognition scans have not been successful until now.

"Why don't we take this back to the quinjet?" Natasha offered. She could see the look of frustration and anger growing on Bucky. Her head nodded towards the shop owner who was leaning on the countertop listening with curiosity.

Bucky shook his head slightly before he turned and walked out of the shop. The sound of the door swinging open and slamming shut had caused the bells to rattle loudly causing the shop owner to flinch as it did.

"You know how this argument is going to happen, right?" Natasha asked as she watched Bucky through the window.

A long sigh came from Tony. "Yeah. If she was anyone else, she shouldn't have dropped lower on the priority list. I dropped the ball."

Bucky’s pace back to the quinjet had been quick. Each step he had taken seemed to cause the people around him to open a path for him to pass. He was sure that his stance was probably intimidating but at the moment he was trying to calm the internal storm that was brewing. And endless cycle of questions playing through his head.

How could she drop on the priority list?

How could FRIDAY not alert there was a video of her?

Would she be in Hydra’s hold now if I had known sooner?

Would I have made it in time to prevent it?

He didn't even notice the others coming towards him after looking through the apartments. He hadn't heard when Steve yelled out his name to get his attention several times. Nor did he notice the medium size box that Wanda held in her arms.

_____

The lies have finally caught up to me. I thought I burned and buried it deep enough. The hurt on Bucky’s face was proof that it hadn't been deep enough. I deserved every reaction he gave tonight before giving me the slightest moment of having a real birthday. I didn't deserve his kindness. If I'm being honest I should be locked away in a cell somewhere. Not currently sitting under an overpass for the night.

I can't stop seeing the look on his face and it kills me. I hurt him and I betrayed him in a way that there's no going back from.

Bucky knew he needed a moment to cool off. That up until recently everyone believed that Y/N was keeping to herself and doing a damn good job of it. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to argue with Stark about it all. But in reality, the blame game wouldn't do any of them any good.

Once he was on the quinjet alone, he found himself pulling out her journal and flipping through the pages. Part of him yelled that he shouldn't go through it. But the other part had wanted to believe there was something in there she'd leave for him to find.

His attention caught her birthday entry. As much as he tried to forget how things happened that night, they've haunted him since. Reading that entry however, hadn't brought him any kind of comfort.

I hope that one day he can forgive me. But I know there's a chance he never will. Life sure does have a way of coming back around and biting you in the ass. I should have done things differently. I should have… It's pointless to think about all the things I could have done. I've made my bed. The least I can do is lie uncomfortably in it.

"Bucky?" Wanda's voice was soft, pulling his attention from the journal. When Bucky looked up, he found Wanda standing there with a box in her arms. She had a small sympathetic smile on her face. "We found the apartment she used."

Quickly closing the journal, he set it on top of the box beside him before standing. "Anything?"

"Nothing that would help us to figure out where they might have gone." She said with a slight tilt of her head. "But I've found things she left behind. I thought you would want to go through them instead of leaving them there."

As she held the box out, Bucky gently took it from her. "Thank you for grabbing it." He turned and placed the box next to the other.

Wanda watched as he had done so. "Can I tell you something?" She asked a moment later.

Bucky’s eyebrow raised slightly as he turned to face her, but he nodded. "Sure."

"It isn't my intention to make you feel guilt or fear in any way with what I'm about to say." She watched as Bucky almost steeled himself for the inevitable. "While I have never attempted to see into your mind for respect for your privacy, there was a time I saw into hers for a moment. She did not fear many things. Not with the history she had. But she feared for you." She watched as Bucky’s face fell. "I did not understand why until recently." She paused for a moment as she heard the others begin to board the quinjet. "Her greatest fear was losing you by her own doing. I do not know if that fear was centered around what has already happened or if it was rooted deeper than keeping her past from you."

Bucky could only nod his head as he tried to process the information she had given him. He could now understand why that had been her fear. He understood the possibility of what she could possibly do in the process. Not only to him, but to others and the emotional torment that came with it.

"Did you know?" He asked curiously. If Wanda had seen into her mind, she must have seen something that gave Y/N away.

"Not until her party." Wanda responded. "Probably after you had learned the truth. Her mind had been completely open after you returned to the party." She sighed softly. "She was saying goodbye while we sang to her."

Flashes of memories played through his mind at her words. The fake smile that was plastered on his face as anger and betrayal laid just beneath it. The way Y/N had a smile on her face as their friends had begun to sing to her.

But he had missed the shift in her eyes that had been clear to Wanda. He had missed the moment Y/N had said her goodbyes through facial expressions. He had been too busy being angry with her.

Tony cleared his throat getting their attention. The others had been standing off not too far. When Bucky looked towards him, Tony had been rubbing the back of his neck.

"I adjusted protocols with FRIDAY. Y/N has been prioritized as unchanging number one." He began. "I've also adjusted it so that any and all new information comes directly to you to ensure nothing is missed. If I had known she had fallen on the priority list, I would have fixed it immediately. We all want her back and she would have been back sooner if-”

Incoming call from Colonel Rhodes. High priority for the team.

Tony shook his head and mumbled about interrupting him before instructing the AI to put him on speaker. “For someone who was such in rush to leave us earlier, this call sounds like you miss us.” He shrugged slightly. “Or checking in like some overprotective parent.”

"Ha ha, very funny. If I hadn't left, we'd all be in the dark about this. I have some information that might be of interest for that trip you're on." His voice came over the speaker.

"Spill." Tony said as he looked over at the others.

"A convoy with heavy duty machinery was ambushed leaving Germany early this morning."

"That doesn't sound like anything of use." Natasha noted.

"It was an inside job." That caused Bucky’s eyebrow to raise as he listened to the call. "It was decided less than 12 hours ago to move the convoy. No one could plan this elaborate of an ambush given that time frame. The information they had, they knew more than they should have."

"Anything on the team?" Steve asked.

"That's the thing that's got a lot of people scratching their heads on all fronts." The group looked at each other as if hearing those words had sparked something within them. "Ten soldiers were assigned. When the files were pulled for investigation only nine were found. Both physical and digital copies disappeared. When asked about the tenth soldier, they could only say that she was hand selected for her skills. Any piece of footage they have has been scrubbed without so much as a glimpse of her. Whoever she is, she's pretty damn good at being invisible."

"Any survivors?" Tony asked.

"Two fatalities. The others are going to make it out alive. The other mystery is why those two and not the others."

Bucky’s heart dropped as he processed the information. Three weeks had been too long for her. In that time they had manipulated her mind into being the asset she once was and tossed her back into the fire.

"They saw her face." He said a moment later. It caused all eyes to turn towards him. He sighed as he looked back at them. "No loose ends. Everything else can't prove she was there. You leave someone alive that knows who you are and the game is over."

"That makes sense." Natasha said with a shrug. "Can't describe someone you didn't see."

"If it was anyone else who said it, I'd be worried." Rhodes responded. "Now I hate to ask, but how sure are we that this wasn't done willingly?"

"She fought her way out before being captured." Bucky added. "None of this was willing. Everything she's left for us shows she wouldn't go down without a fight."

“Did she happen to leave any idea where they'd be heading next?" Rhodes asked.

"I doubt it." Bucky said with a sigh. "I haven't had a chance to go digging through what she left behind."

"That's if she even had a chance to leave anything behind." Sam noted. "By the looks of things she barely had enough time to leave what she did."

"If she did leave any indication, Hydra found it while searching her apartment." Steve added. It caused Bucky’s eyes to shoot over to Steve. "With the way the place was ransacked, they might have found what they were looking for. "

Keep it safe. Keep it hidden.

Bucky had almost mentioned they hadn't found what they were looking for. He had the very thing they were wanting and they couldn't find it. He should have mentioned it. He should have told them about the journal, but he couldn't bring himself to.

He trusted the people currently standing in the room with him and would gladly watch their backs at any given time. He would put his life on the line for a majority of them without a second thought. But the fear of having that journal fall into the wrong hands stopped him from saying anything about it.

"Just means we're gonna have to do a wide search while digging deep." He said instead. "We know they're out there and they're using her. With the proper channels, we should be able to find something to get a lead before she's used for anything more drastic."

"You mean more than killing people?" Rhodes' voice filled the air.

"Given how Hydra used her in the past," Natasha began before Bucky could. "A few deaths are better than her being used to bring down governments in Hydra’s favor. So yeah, let's get her back before we find ourselves either preventing or fighting a war we couldn't prevent.”

____

Six Months Later

The main conference room walls had been covered in papers taped to the walls. Each paper corresponds to a recent event that involved Hydra in some way. Each grouping of papers laid out the details of another ambush at Hydra’s hands. Each one taking either a piece of equipment or technology.

Even with all the information displayed on the walls, the Avengers had no idea what Hydra was attempting to assemble. FRIDAY couldn't pinpoint any variations of possible weapons. Nor could the AI predict where they could possibly hit next.

However, over the last several months they had been able to uncover several new hideaways that Hydra had been using. Each of them had helped to supply information towards the grand scheme of things. But with each thorough sweep, there were never any signs of Y/N.

With every Hydra captive they interrogated, none of them had physically laid eyes on Phantom. They all gave the same answer in different words but none of them could give locations. Phantom was only accessible through her handler.

Her handler that they all refused to give up any details about. The captives either went silent and refused to say anything else, or they purposely gave false information to throw off the Avengers. And when they came up empty handed from those false leads, it was Bucky that paid them a visit.

Bucky practically moved into the conference room. A pillow and blankets found a new home on the couch by the back wall. Only leaving when the missions deemed it necessary.

As he stood by the conference table going over the new files from their recent raid, Bucky’s mind occasionally went back to Y/N's journal. He had read it cover to cover several times and the small passages that surprisingly made him smile had played on a loop when he felt he needed it.

This is a little slice of heaven. I found myself actually enjoying a beach day. Last week, I walked past an antique shop that had a globe sitting in view of the window. I couldn't resist and I found myself spinning it. I was reminded how much we talked about doing something like picking a place on a spinning globe and just going there. It's how I ended up in Italy. It's peace. A calm that I haven't felt in months.

He could easily picture her sitting with her toes in the sand as she watched the waves. How he wished he would have been able to see her that day. But then there were entries that stuck in his mind for other reasons.

Out of all the things I've seen and believed in, you'd think I wouldn't be skeptical about psychics. But here I am sitting in the corner booth of a sketchy bar and this woman said she needed to speak with me. That the thoughts troubling me wouldn't last forever. And then she asked for his name. A name that I haven't physically spoken in over a year. Before I could even muster up a fake name to give her, she knew his name. Knew without me even saying anything. She told me he'd come around. That one day he was going to find me and save me from the internal torment that I'm facing. For a brief moment there was hope that sparked within me that maybe one day it would happen. Maybe one day Bucky will let me apologize a million times over. I hope that he can forgive me. But the reality is, after almost a year later, I don't think he will.

With each entry he read Bucky wondered what would have happened if he hadn't waited so long to go looking for her. Would they be put on a mission together like they used to by now? Or would they be on that vacation he talked about taking with her at one point.

Each page of her writing gave him a reason to kick himself in the ass for waiting so long. But in truth, he hadn't been ready to forgive her. The day he realized how much he missed her, she hadn't been to a safe house for six months. The day he forgave her was the day he started looking in vacant apartments when they completed missions.

And now as he stared at the papers in front of him, he knew that no matter how many what if situations he played in his mind, they wouldn't fix anything. The what ifs weren't going to get her back from Hydra. They weren't going to free her from the hold the black journal held over her.

At first Bucky kept the journal hidden. He didn't dare to open it and read any of the contents the pages held. He hadn't even thought about it until one night his nightmare got the best of him. One where Y/N couldn't be stopped from almost killing her friends.

Bucky searched through the pages for one command and one command only. While he hoped it would never come down to it, he felt a little better knowing he could stop her from doing something she’d never recover from.

A sigh passed his lips at the same time Steve walked into the room.

“That bad?” Steve asked with a chuckle.

Bucky shook his head. “No. I just…” He stopped for a moment as he looked at the file before him. “I thought by now we would have found her.”

“We're not going to stop until we do.” Steve noted as he looked at the current spread of papers on the table. “Anything from Mexico?”

A recent mission to a Hydra base just north of Mexico City provided them with more information than they had gotten in months. Bucky was attempting to sift through it all to see if anything could point them in the next direction.

“Same as the others so far.” Bucky shook his head. “Intel for everything else but for her.”

“The guys below haven't given up her handler either.” Steve added. More captives from the base, none of which wanted to speak about the handler. "Nat is giving it a go."

“Whoever it is, they're staying in the dark. They know the blind spots and use it to their advantage.” It was frustrating to Bucky. Frustrating to the team that a good lead would leave them empty handed.

Bucky picked up a CCTV still from the file he had been going through. The stills were deemed priority by FRIDAY for one reason or another. And as Bucky scanned the image attempting to find the reason, his eye caught the top corner of it.

“What is it?” Steve asked as he caught the way Bucky’s brows began to furrow as he looked at the image.

“FRIDAY?” Bucky called out to the AI. “Do we have the full clip from camera 5 that was flagged?” A moment later a projected image appeared from the middle of the table.

Playing now.

Both Bucky and Steve watched the clip. The camera angle had captured a side room and a hallway. A hallway that Bucky had recognized as he walked through it during the mission. The room in view was empty when he walked into it.

But as the camera panned the area, equipment could be seen in the room. The sight of it caused his heart to pick up in pace as flashes of memories played in front of him. His fist clenched around the photo in his hand as he tried to push the memories away. He shook his head slightly as he watched soldiers begin making their way down the hallway.

Several of them were struggling as they walked. Some were knocked down before quickly getting back up. A moment later, Y/N came into view, attempting to fight her way out of their hold. In view of the camera they watched as she threw punches and kicks. At one point she got a few of them off of her before a soldier came and tased her, sending her to the ground.

Steve's eyes shot to Bucky. He knew what was about to happen given what he was watching. Bucky’s eyes had been fixed on the projection. Steve could see the anger growing within his body language as well as tears well up in his eyes.

“FRIDAY turn-”

“No.” Bucky said never taking his eyes off the video.

It made Steve glad there was no audio attached to this clip. That there was no way for Bucky to hear the torment he was watching on the screen. He wouldn't be able to hear the way she started screaming the moment she was strapped in.

“Buck,” Steve said the moment he watched a tear fall on Bucky’s cheek. He tried to get his attention away from the screen.

“If her handler is in this video, I have to-”

“FRIDAY, run facial recognition through the whole clip and shut this off.” It was Tony's voice that filled the air. Bucky turned towards him the moment FRIDAY shut off the video, shaking his head and ready to protest. “Natasha can be quite persuasive in her interrogations." He walked further into the room. "We were able to piece together what they're trying to make. And in the process, we learned what two things they'll be going for next and where they'll more than likely be hit.”

“Where?” Bucky asked. The anger he felt didn't evaporate entirely. If anything it was fueling the need to get things rolling. He knew she was going to be the main player and that was his chance to get her back.

Tony sighed as he looked over at Steve for a moment before looking back at Bucky. “That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Y/N won't be at either of them.”

“Why wouldn't she be?” Bucky asked with a raised brow.

“Unless this is another false lead, which doesn't seem likely, given how Natasha obtained the information, but "Phantom" has a new mission she's been tasked with.” When Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, Tony continued. “It's us.”

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Text

Chemical Reaction Ch. 4

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Eventual Tony Stark x Fem!reader

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: In compairson to other things, this really tame. But mentions of bruising, 'hospital' setting, and overall angsty feelings.

Author's Note: I had half a mind not to finish this series. But the part of me that keeps saying 'write it for yourself' is very loud and I can't block her out. Plus Im hoping tht after some time away from it, ya'll will suddenly flood it. Either way, I'm writing it. Also! I'm implementing a library method to hopefully make it so Tumblr won't force you to miss something! So be sure to follow @xxwritemeastoryxxlibrary and turn on notifications 💕

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

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Tony’s thumb gently rubbed over the small double helix segment that was now embedded in Y/N’s skin. The same one that matched his that had shown up out of nowhere in the last several hours. One that he had tried to remove from his skin several times before finding its twin on her wrist.

Each time his thumb moved over the marking, he hoped in some way it would vanish. But after several minutes of trying, it was evident that both marks wouldn’t be leaving any time soon. And as disbelief vanished and reality set in, Tony knew that this had everything to do with the component.

It was proof that the component had altered both of their DNA without needing to look at the results of the bloodwork. Proof that the both of them currently had something they had no understanding of running through their veins.

“What did we get ourselves into?” The words were more to himself than to Y/N. He was sure that Y/N couldn’t hear him with her current sedation.

He closed both of his hands around Y/N’s, holding her hand tightly within them. Even with holding her hand for the few minutes that he had been, her hand was still cold in comparison to his. How differently her hand felt in comparison to the week beforehand.

Tony may have been grabbing her hand to stop her in her haste to get started on deconstructing the gun, but her hand was warm. Now, her circulation was poor enough that her extremities were growing colder by the minute.

After another moment, Tony opened his mouth to say something else before closing it rather quickly. He didn't know how to do this. He didn't know how to sit beside someone in a hospital bed and not just simply stare at the person. He didn't know how to speak to Y/N without it feeling off in a way.

Tony believed his words would go unheard if he spoke to her. With that belief it felt pointless to try to tell her anything. To tell her how guilty he felt. To tell her how sorry he'd been about the whole situation.

"I-" A sigh passed his lips. How could he easily talk to her, insult her, give her nicknames and work with her, but not get the words out now? "I know I'm not your favorite person to be around. But I need you to wake up. Wake up and kick me out of the room. Anything is better than seeing you like this." His eyes flickered to the monitor above her bed. A thought crossed his mind and he couldn't stop the words from spilling. "Or don't because I can sit here and talk your ear off with…useless ramblings since there's no definite way to prove you are listening. I can spill all my darkest secrets and wouldn't be able to tell a soul."

His head bowed down, his eyes moving from their hands down to the marbled floor beneath them. "Please wake up sleeping beauty." The words had barely been a whisper.

“Blood analysis is back.” Natasha said walking into the room a moment later

Tony hadn’t moved to remove his hands or even lean back away from Y/N. He simply lifted his forehead and looked over at Natasha. “Let me guess. Anomalies throughout both of them. All of them similar to the readings JARVIS had taken?”

Natasha’s eyebrow raised. “If you already knew, why have the analysis done?”

“Validating theories.” He gave a slight nod of his head before looking towards Y/N. “Was it similar to what Hydra had for the two hostages?”

Natasha walked further into the room, coming to a stop beside the bed. Just as she had done every time she came in to spend time with Y/N, she took in every detail of her to see if there were any noticeable changes. But every time she did, there were hardly any.

More discolored bruises as her body attempted to heal. The endless beeping and noises from the machines around them. And the monitors showing everything she was hooked up to was keeping her stable.

“Eerily similar.” She noted as she took a hold of Y/N’s left hand. “However Y/N’s samples aren’t anywhere close to being as fatal as the woman's was at this time frame. Hours after the blast, they declined at the same rate.”

“Shows that there are differences in our cases.” His hands had subconsciously squeezed in comfort.

"Based on Day 8 notes, which is where we're currently at, she's holding steady. Her scans from this morning are showing progress from her bones healing to her blood pressure rising in the right direction." Natasha's thumb gently ran over the back of Y/N's hand. "As long as she stays here, she's slowly getting better. Trying to move her anywhere seems like taking several hundred steps back."

"Then we don't move her until she's stable enough to not trigger a decline." He gave a nod of his head.

There was hope building within him. Hope that was trying to snuff out the guilt that had filled him since waking up and seeing Y/N in her bed. Hope that maybe she would survive what the component had done to her.

“You, on the other hand,” She looked over at him. “have healed at a slower rate than the man. But given the proximity that you two had been in, it makes sense.”

A huff of a chuckle passed his lips. “Not surprised by that either. Though it doesn’t explain why one of us is currently up and about and the other…”

He still couldn’t bring himself to say that Y/N was struggling to survive. He couldn’t allow himself to even begin to think that she wouldn’t make it another week. But if her levels were a lot steadier than the information they were currently working with, all the more reason not to say it at all.

After a moment, Tony shook his head, getting rid of the thoughts in his head. “She shouldn’t be in this bed.”

Natasha watched as Tony’s eyes scanned Y/N for the hundredth time since she stepped into the room. She noted how at times his eyes would glass over for a moment before he’d blink back the emotions that were building up within him. She also hadn’t missed the way Tony hadn’t let go of Y/N’s hand or the way every few moments his hold would tighten before loosening up.

She knew how much Tony and Y/N bickered every time they needed to work together. When they weren’t fighting, they were like two kids in a candy store, but with science and tech. She’d seen several times while coming to visit Y/N where she’d stun even Tony with her ideas or details that worked better than Tony’s. Natasha had also known the pair to have the briefest moments between them where they laughed and enjoyed their time together.

And much like everyone else in the place, Natasha witnessed the way they threw a past event in each other’s face. It was surprising that the two never actually said what the event was. But the tension and the hurt in their voices afterwards proved time and time again that before becoming an Avenger or even an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., the two had been more than acquaintances that fight whenever they are forced to work together.

But this, how she currently saw Tony, was something Natasha believed she had never seen before. Natasha would have thought Tony would be down in the lab already scouring for a way to help Y/N. He would be neck deep in the research of the component to find the answers to the questions he had asked several hours ago. Yet he hadn’t left the med bay since he had woken up.

He hadn’t eaten or cleaned himself up. He had still been in the set of med bay scrubs he’d been wearing while recovering and his beard hadn’t been touched up to its normal shape. Any other time Tony would have been up, out of the med bay, and in his normal attire and cleanliness. He may have looked healthy, but Natasha could see how this was haunting him.

“It’s not your fault Tony.” Natasha said as she gave Y/N’s hand a gentle squeeze before bring it down to rest on her stomach. Her fingers slowly moved out from beneath Y/N’’s fingers as she moved her eyes towards the monitor beside her bed. “You didn’t do this to her.”

Tony scoffed. “No but I was too busy arguing with her to notice what was going on right under our noses. If I hadn’t-” His mind instantly went to the conversation before the blast. The things he had been saying to her were nothing she hadn’t heard before. But it was the one insult he was about to toss at her that weighed the most and the words didn’t even fully leave his lips. “Before the component went off, I practically told her that she was no better than Hydra.”

Tony leaned in closer to Y/N, placing his elbows onto the bed beside her, his hands never letting her hand go. His eyes moved over her face again, hoping that Y/N would give him some kind of sign that she’d make it through this. That she’d wake up and beat the current odds they were faced with.

“It was the heat of the moment, Tony.” Natasha’s eyes hadn’t moved from the monitor. Her eyes may have been taking in the information from the monitors, but she hadn’t missed the guilt that Tony’s words carried. “For as many times as I’ve heard you throw rocks at her, she continuously stood her ground against it.” Her eyes moved towards Tony. “She even threw a few of her own.” The slightest smile pulled at the corner of her lips. “She’ll wake up and throw bricks this time.”

Her words caused them both to chuckle. Tony shook his head before resting his chin on his and Y/N’s hands. Against his skin he could feel the warmth his hands had helped to warm hers up. But they were still colder in comparison to normal.

“I expect those bricks to hurt like a bitch when she does.” He looked over at Natasha.

“As long as I get to watch when she does.” She gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. In return, Tony rolled his eyes before turning his attention back towards Y/N. Again, she watched as Tony took in Y/N’s appearance. “I usually would wait and try to pry it out of her, but seeing as she isn’t currently talking, what happened between you two?”

An exaggerated sigh passed Tony’s lips before blowing a raspberry. “The better question to ask is what didn’t I do? You got a few more hours to spend visiting? There’s quite a list.”

“Summarize. It would make it so we’re not in here for another six hours.” She said with a tilt of her head.

“In a few sentences?” He took a moment to think of the simplest way to explain his long lists of acts against Y/N throughout their past. “I all but ripped out her heart and stepped on it before handing it back.”

“Sounds like you ran away from something.” She noted.

His hand once again tightened around Y/N’s for a moment. “Ran and hid behind a wall when all she wanted was to be there for me. I don’t blame her for hating me.”

A huff of a laugh passed her lips. “Something tells me she doesn’t hate you. Not in the way you may think. That wall you put up-” Her eyebrow raised slightly, catching Tony’s attention.

“What is it?”

“Did you see that?” She asked as her eyes stayed locked on the way Y/N’s hand rested on her stomach.

“No.” He said with a shake of his head as he looked down at the hand in question. Just as he had, Tony caught exactly what Natasha had noticed moments before.

At first both of them didn’t believe their eyes as they watched her hand. But a moment later, they watched as Y/N raised her pointer finger slightly before it fell back against the blanket beneath it.

For the first time in a week, Y/N moved her body on her own.

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