Your Secret Admirer
Female Yandere x Reader
Part 1
The story of your secret admirer and how she fell in love with you.
[tw: suicidal ideation] - it's vague but it's there.
Part 2
She'd been alone for some time.
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Her father traveled for work, she could count the number of times he'd been home and seen her in the last ten years on one hand. Her mother had been more attentive when she was younger, from what she could remember, but that stopped pretty abruptly when her younger brother had been born. He had a lot of health problems and spent a lot of his childhood in and out of hospitals, their mother stayed by his side. She didn't really know him, and he didn't know her.
Between her father's job and her brother's health, she had attended a new school every couple of years. When she finally felt settled, every time, they would pick up and move again. She stopped trying to make friends fairly early on.
She made sure to never cause trouble and worry her family. She was always the perfect daughter. Never underfoot or in the way, even when she wanted her family's attention more than anything.
No one to cry with when things got hard. No one to nurse her back to health when she was sick. No one to celebrate her birthdays with her. No one to say good morning or good night to.
No matter how good her grades were or what she achieved, they never looked her way. They didn't need to check in on her; she was their healthy child, the one who never caused any trouble, who could take care of herself. She knew they loved her, but she couldn't remember the last time they had actually told her so, or even showed her. Her mother had her brother and her parents had each other, there was no one who was only hers.
She had always been on her own.
Even when she'd started college, every day was still so meaningless... nothing really mattered. She never found anything she wanted to be or do... She found herself just going to her classes day after day, never speaking to anyone, just because she was... supposed to, to stay out of the way.
Then, that day, she was walking to her classes when everything just... stopped.
She couldn't take it anymore. Why should she keep going? There wasn't anything for her to look forward to anyway... She couldn't bring herself to take another step. What was the point? In any of it?
If she were to disappear, how long would it take her family to notice? There wasn't anywhere meant for her... no one to look to... and a future that was getting harder and harder to picture herself in.
If she walked off and kept on walking... would anyone even notice? She wanted the world to stop so she could just... breathe.
She was so empty, it physically hurt.
The world slammed back into motion when she was suddenly knocked to the ground. There was a stinging, throbbing pain on the side of her wrist.
And there you were.
You were apologizing over and over, saying you weren't watching where you were going. You hovered with a worried look as she got up, she was still kind of out of it.
When you saw that she had scraped her hand on the concrete in the collision, you reached out without thinking. When you took her hand in yours, she couldn't breathe. You led her to a nearby bench and sat with her, getting into your bag. You got out a surprisingly cute bandage and stuck it on, still apologizing and fussing, but all she could focus on was your touch.
It jolted everything awake inside her. She was hyperaware of everything. The way the sun hit your eyes, the smell of your shampoo, the nervous lilt in your voice as you kept on apologizing.
And your warmth. She was in awe at it; it had been so long since she'd felt another person's warmth. A kind voice, a comforting look in their eyes.
Everything about you filled that empty space.
You asked her if she was okay, and those words finally broke through.
"Yes." she nodded, suddenly aware of how rude she might've seemed. "Thank you... for helping me... um?"
You just smiled and told her your name. It sounded so... right.
She told you hers back, and to you it was something so inconsequential. An accidental meeting between two strangers not likely to ever meet again.
But to her, it was everything.
You flashed one more warm smile and gave one last sincere apology before standing, and it took everything in her to not ask you not to go. But that would be strange, right? She was just a stranger to you, you didn't owe her that. But she wanted so badly for you to stay.
And when you were gone, all she wanted was to see you again.
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The next day, you were on the same route. She watched from a ways away, trying to figure out what your day looked like, when would be the best time to come and see you again... But the longer she watched, the more she found herself... nervous? She'd never felt this way before.
If she said the wrong thing, or made a bad impression on you, she was afraid you would look right through her, like everyone else did.
Look at me.
It became her mantra. It repeated over and over in her head as she watched you, she uttered it again and again like a prayer as she fell asleep to thoughts of you. She poured the words like a blessing into everything she made for you. It became her fondest wish.
She had daydreams of you. Always of you seeing her again. In some, you smiled and called to her. When you said her name again it would fill her with such warmth. In others you looked at her with disgust and fear at discovering how she'd been following you. She was surprised to find that he latter option gave her such a strange thrill.
As long as you were looking at her, it didn't matter to her with what intention.
She left you gifts. Little things to guide you back to her, when the time was right. She wrote her thoughts in love notes she would slip into your bag or leave where only you would find them. She left a bookmark with pressed baby's breath flowers in the book you checked out from the library. They were small and didn't stand out among other, brighter flowers, but staring at their tiny, delicate blossoms made her feel... something. She wasn't quite sure what. She'd taken flowers from the same branching stem, set them in resin, and made them into a necklace as something like a matching set. It made her feel close to you, in her own way.
You used to spend what felt like forever looking over the things she left you, sometimes with a smile, sometimes with surprise or confusion, but always something behind your eyes that made her heart skip a beat.
But after a while, you started to ignore the things she left you. No surprise or raised eyebrows, or funny little smiles at her clumsy poetry. Not even annoyance or disgust at finding yet another trinket she'd made you or the all-too-personal fantasies she'd left in a note. Just...
Nothing.
You just left them where you found them and kept going about your life, like it didn't matter. Like she didn't matter.
You couldn't see her anymore.
It left her feeling sick.
She cried and screamed in that empty house, where no one heard her. Just another place where she wasn't really... there. You'd become such a comfort to her, but now all she could do was sit alone with her thoughts. She skipped her classes, she couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep, but there was no one to notice. No one to care. She was spiraling down into something awful. She started thinking of all the ways she could get your attention again, none of them as pleasant as the gifts and notes like before.
Love her or hate her, anything was better than the cold indifference that stabbed through her heart, ripping out every piece of you and making her empty again.
She couldn't go back to that. She refused to feel that horrible ache again. She made a plan. It was time for you two to reunite, no matter the consequences.
"Just you wait..." she smiled, holding her necklace tight, gently caressing the smooth surface under her thumb. She held it to her lips as her mantra ran through her mind over and over again.
"You'll finally see me..."
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an anon asked for a longer story for The Secret Admirer yandere girl
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