#why write when i can talk about writing

[canonical-transformation]

Unfortunately, "too sleep deprived to do Work" tends to also mean "too sleep deprived to Write"

#why write when i can talk about writing

[dandelion-wings]

Process & Commentary: Betrayal's Daughter

Being very navel-gazey tonight! I've been thinking about trying to break down some elements of my writing process for a while, in response to a Discord discussion about editing a while back, and another Discord discussion tonight brought the idea back up.

The thing is, despite my tendency to keep old drafts, I don't have a lot of documents that show the non-writing part of my process, because I usually delete in-doc notes as I go along, and my edit notes are usually on paper and get lost easily. But I do have two pieces where, for very different reasons, I did preserve some element of those notes! I may or may not come back and do a similar showing/commentary of Cursed Transformation later; for now, it's going to be Betrayal's Daughter.

This is a mix of 'introductory notes' for each whole draft, here on Tumblr, and in-draft commentary done in comments on a Google Docs. Hopefully it isn't too dire to navigate! I have, if I've set it up right, enabled comments by viewers on the Docs, on the premise that people may want to ask questions about things I didn't commentate. So feel free to do so!

The prompt for this fic was an interesting one to pick up, because while the prompter had a premise I loved, and I adored Kujou Sara as the core character, the additional characters they listed for the prompt were not, for the most part, ones I would have chosen for the premise. Which made it more challenging to write, but also more interesting, since I had to figure out how those characters would interact with Sara on this emotional journey, and I got to go places I didn't expect! But the first draft was, uh, rough, because I had no idea how to put any of that together at first.

I knew from the start that I was going to have to break it into sections, and that what I wanted was what I (because I get very strong visuals for scene structure) call a "folding fan" pattern of scenes--a frame story with two outer framing scenes and a central bridge, with scenes that mirrored each other in some way on either side of the bridge. And while that's what I came out with, I had no idea how to structure it when I started, so this first draft has a 'frame' that leans entirely on Sara's character story 5 and doesn't appear in later drafts.

Draft 1 - Google Doc

The reason my initial outline notes, which I usually delete from a document as I turn them into scenes, remain in this draft is also because of that uncertainty; I knew most of these scenes weren't doing what I wanted yet in this draft, and wanted to be able to refer back to my initial ideas in the second draft, so that I kept track of what I was trying to do. Those initial notes are at the top of each scene I had such notes for.

The second round of notes, my edit notes, are there because I usually write those on paper, but was traveling at the time and knew I would lose them if I did; they are at the bottom of each scene I had such notes for.

As a processes-and-procedures note, I physically rewrote this fic between the first and second draft. I have two computers, and I usually have it open on the desktop and retype in a fresh document on the laptop. This is fairly commonly something I do for something I know I'm going to make big changes to between drafts; it helps me to make the big departures if I'm not deleting text in the text editor to do so, for some reason, and also lets me rethink individual lines as I type them.

By the time I got to the second draft, I had a pretty good idea of my overall structure, and so this draft is much closer to the finished product. The primary difference is the first scene, because I was still struggling with framing (some notes on which are at the bottom of the first draft), and I started this draft thinking I was going to do a frame using scenes with her brothers.

(Oh. Oh that's what "boat framing" meant in those ending notes on the first draft. The pattern I had in mind when I started the second draft was "Masahito - Yoimiya - Ayaka - Yae - Kamaji - Masahito - Yae - Ayaka - Yoimiya - Kamaji"! Why this looked like a boat in my head, I cannot tell you. I come up with some weird fucking visualizations for stuff.)

As you'll note, there is no final Kamaji scene, and there's a middle Yoimiya scene that isn't in that pattern. I realized the actual shape I wanted and went back to the "folding fan" frame pattern mid-second-draft. Because, unlike the first draft, I didn't need to tell myself anything by writing the final scene I didn't want to use anymore, I didn't need to write it just to throw it out.

Draft 2 - Google Doc

There aren't any notes in this draft (that I didn't delete as I was writing as usual), and there's less for me to comment on that I didn't cover in the first draft, but it is a transitional stage between the mess of the first draft and the final product, so I'm still linking it for the purpose of side-by-side comparisons! There is technically a third draft, but it's identical to the final fic posted on AO3, down to the typos, and there was no commentary to make there that wouldn't fit into the second draft, anyway.

#going to steal canonical-transformation's tag: #why write when i can talk about writing #(although also my own relevant tag:) #fic nattering #i haven't been able to make myself write for a while now (for rl reasons i don't want to get into) and this scratched some of the itch #it is genuinely interesting to look back on that first draft more than a year later #and think about why i did what i did

[ministarfruit]

day 10: love is devotion ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

#minifemslashfeb2024 #ace attorney #junithena #athena cykes #juniper woods #melts into a puddle #junithena WARM junithena SOFT #junithena is so darling to me especially the version of it I made up in my head #ok I always write junie with imposter syndrome BUT #can we talk about how many skills this girl has. she can knit. she can sing. she can write. she can garden. she's smart #AND she's studying law to become a judge #I made her a painter for this too. because why not #god gave her health problems to nerf her. otherwise she would be too powerful #also athena short hair swag because I think she looks cute like that #do you ever think about the space and earth symbolism? no? just me? #is there something quite so intangible as falling in love with the stars #believing you will never reach them #when the stars are shining brightly to guide your way #they shine just for you... #mini be normal about junithena challenge: failed #'what are you talking about' shhh. shh. #you are safe now my sweet child

[scificrows]

Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.

Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):

In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.

It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]

The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]

Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]

In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]

In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]

Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this #i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything #i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha #i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass #and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭 #i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise' #also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just #couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah #also uhhh this data is very subjective #i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call #also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them) #but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly #so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance #i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!! #but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol

[gooperts-gunk]

im so crazy over the tragedy of everything q!bbh does being under a demon pretense even though he's a fallen angel.

do u think he just accepts the demon label because it's easier. do u think he believes it too, and catches himself in his thoughts with "oh, right. im not exactly that". and maybe he believes that he did this to himself? do u think what he did was to protect himself or someone? no matter the fall, he still has so much kindness to give and his brain just isn't wired the way a natural-born demon would be, he can't hold back instincts when time demands it, maybe that's why he fell in the first place.

and when he's finally bad, not good, it's treated like the end of the world, without empathy on why he would act out. do you think this keeps happening? the same scenario, multiple times, every timeline? he has to be used to it. so he has to take it in stride. he's good until he lashes out under extreme pressure, and suddenly he's called demon. and once again he's what heaven made him out to be. what he made himself to be, his brain would ruthlessly provide...

i don't think he wants to be that, though he hides secrets behind secrets of which neither identity is a home... but i don't think he wants to have to change, either. and i don't think that's wrong of him.

...you collapse atlantis ONE TIME and all of a sudden YOU'RE the bad guy and SURE it was FUN but REALLY now,--

#lots of expansion on this in tags beware #this is a draft from 2:40AM the day before i just felt something within me and i needed to write about fallen angel q!bbh angst NOW #this post is brought to you by q!bbh in purgatory and post-purgatory i will never forgive you purgatory 1 #no one can bear to have a healthy conversation about q!bbh's behaviors let alone TO q!bbh. BUT IF Q!BAGHERA WASN'T STUCK ON THE ISLAND... #i miss u bbh + baghera interactions let me see u soon pls #he isn't impossible to communicate with ur just not jiving with his autism right u can get through to him i swear BUT TOO LATE he DIED #now he doesn't remember!!! (unless that part of the library is recovered) u lost ur shot!!! (ur issues with him will rise again) #now every time bagi goes “'cause he's a demon” with bbh i go OH MAN SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT'S MORE... it hurts how flippant it is sometimes #because WE KNOW OH MAN WE KNOW IT'S MORE and this concept of him being fallen adds SO MUCH CONNOTATION to EVERYTHING he does #it isn't just DEMON THINGS it's GOD MADE ME THIS THINGS and i just can't wait to know WHY what did you DO!!! #your instincts are to be nice though cautiously detached when your life restarts so WHAT DID YOU DO IF YOU ARE NOT INHERENTLY BAD??? #goopert talks qsmp #qsmp #qsmp badboyhalo

[paimonial-rage]

Ask meme - 6 and 9 for the dragon men (zhongli and neuvillette) please!

This took so long I am so sorry, but here we go!

[Character Analysis Ask Meme]

What is Neuvillette's biggest insecurity?

Neuvillette’s biggest insecurity is not something he's ever tried to hide. Anyone that has spent enough time with the Iudex has probably heard him mention it before. Simply put, Neuvillette doesn't understand the emotions of humans very well. He never has and sometimes he doubts if he ever will? How many times has this flaw of his costed him dearly in the past? How many mistakes has he made? And how many are there yet to come? How he dreads the thought.

What can’t you trust [Neuvillette] with?

To chase after you - Iudex Neuvillette is many things—polite, kind, intelligent—but he is not a man without faults. Only a few know him well enough to realize he holds many regrets upon his shoulders, majority that were never his burden alone to bear. Should you ever become the source of one of these regrets, you can surely expect to know. With somber eyes and a weight upon his shoulders, he will apologize to you. But don’t expect anymore than that. Not understanding human emotions is not only his weakness, but a prison. He will not attempt to make things up to you nor will he try to make things how they used to be. You’re best off where he can hurt you no more, even if that means he will be left alone to the rain.

What is Zhongli's biggest insecurity?

Who knows lol.

What can’t you trust Zhongli with?

With mora - As knowledgeable and talented Zhongli is with many things, it is a surprise to many to hear that businessmen don’t exactly enjoy making deals with him. How can they when contract discussions always leave them with the [shorter end of the stick]? How many [unforeseen business expenses] do they end up incurring in such a short amount of time? In the end, they always lose more than they gained. What they don’t know is this unfortunate occurrence happens with any Mora dealings with the man. But what can you expect for someone that, by contract, has the Traveler liable for all expenses during his outings with them? It's simply best to leave all matters of mora out of any relationships with him.

With your heart - If there's one thing true about Zhongli, it's that, while he may withhold the truth, he does not lie. So when he speaks of a person warmly, they can very well believe his words to be true. That being said, it is important that one does not mistaken his warmth with depth. One cannot simply entrust their heart to him and expect his in return. How could anyone hope to understand the weight of many a millennia, after all? So while the desire may be cute, it'll never be something he would even consider to reciprocate.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #zhongli #neuvilllette #zhongli x reader #neuvillette x reader #character analysis ask meme #my writing #i am so sorry this took so long anon i have no excuses #not the happiest with these set of responses either #neuvillette’s insecurity answer is severely lacking #it’s so obvious that it feels too easy but like #the reason why i feel that way is because the answer doesn’t answer WHY tha5 is his biggest insecurity. WHY does it matter to him so much? #the obvious answer is that it is because he cares about humans but why?? #the answer i came to is that deep down he wants to be accepted by humans which is why he seeks to understand them but i am not sure #granted that’s just my gut answer. i need to do way more research but i already left you waiting too long #as for zhongli like….. ugh #my first answer for what you can trust him with was a cop out but like!!! #that’s because my second answer is like something i talk about alllll the time when i talk about zhongli OTL #i have a whole series surrounding it orz #i didn’t think anyone would want me to talk about it again so i came up with the cop out answer #but the cop out answer was such a cop out i ended up typing my original idea haha #so you get two answers that are kind of mediocre. i’m sorry. ;v; #all of my other answers for him would be more humorous #you can’t trust him with: common sense… bringing appropriate party cups… arriving to events on time #tho there’s no proof for it you gotta admit that he gives off the vibes of someone tha5 is chronically late to everything #and as for his insecurity like… typically old and ‘spiritually actualized’ people are of the hardest to analyze in terms of insecurities #he has no chinks in his armor #i will be working on your next ask though! hopefully it takes less time ;v;

[teeth-draws]

He’s trying to be cool about it but he shouldn’t have opened that and you should probably get out of there…

#shepherds of haven #red antiqua #like everyone else I’ve been playing bg3 and every time I talk to Gale I want to talk to red instead #also Anders but like out of all of them red is the standout favourite #less… explosive……. yanno #I just threw shoujo flowers and a bunch of textures on this I’m rly happy with his hair and skin #I’m not sure on the composition but I guess it’s a learning curve #this was originally part of a bunch of sketches I did of red and I took it and made it it’s own picture #I just love him ok #the writing in the book says something about how these demons can only be banished with a filthy pash so he has his work cut out for him #and he doesn’t want you to see #impulsivity got the best of him again #mc…… uh. I’m so happy to see you but uh. don’t watch this I’m begging you #guess he’s wearing normal people clothes and I don’t have a reason for why except that I think red wears big jumpers when he’s not in #slutty mage gear #fanart #fantasy #if games #shoh

[beesinspades]

something something ace people often being told they're not human for not experiencing sexual attraction and/or not wanting sex, something something vash seeing his sex-averse asexuality as yet another thing that makes him even more different from humans than he already is because of it

#trigun #vash the stampede #asexual #acephobia #internalized acephobia #bee talks #ace vash tag #when i was writing hualian i was very much doing so with 'xl is super duper comfortable with being ace' in mind at all times #but vash............yeah no i don't think he'd be #anyway i just like thinking that when he pretends to be asleep to avoid having sex #and thinks the attention/kisses (?) were already more than he deserved / wonders if he regrets it at least a little bit (98 anime) #it's a combination of his self-loathing (both in general and about his scars) and his asexuality #i've seen people sometimes going 'it's not about not wanting sex it's about his self-loathing' #well i say it's both. it can be both. #disclaimer these are obviously headcanons~ #canon ace in my heart though!!! #anyway that's why personally i like writing my wolfwood allo even though I like him acespec too #i need whoever vash's partner is to be allo but still tell him it's okay #but also obviously he needs ace human friends

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me #the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun) #so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this #and also it's my blog and i like to talk :) #related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change #it deletes like half the post you just typed out #(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother) #what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump #but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags #there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs #i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time #but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids #omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez #i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them #and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate #oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point #i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share #i'm super excited about it :) #i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main #idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process #and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources #so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see #our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored #alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well

[skunkes]

#prefacing this with I Know Spanish. i cant not know spanish‚ my parents don't speak english #but im the only one of my siblings that didnt get to go to school over there 🇲🇽 (just pre school) #adn the thing is like. my siblings wld talk to me in eng of course #(if they talked to me at all! what do u say to a baby when you're 9 12 and 15 yrs older.) #and my parents wld similarly jst not talk to me? i did not have conversations with them from birth to now lol. #thjere is something about how like. my sisters kids are also learning the languages at the same time #but when they mess up in spanish theyre corrected‚ by my sister (their mom)‚ my other sister‚ my parents #why not Me. why wasnt that extended to Me as a child... #the same reason I have the least amount of baby pictures while my siblings all have one full book each i bet #the same reason why my and my eldest sister are 15 yrs apart LOL #igts so crazy to me. i hate mentioning this bc people assume #im one of those ppl who isnt fluent bc their parents speak english and spanish and never taught them #my parents dont speak english❗❗❗❗ #my nephew thats older than me who is my fave family member and also only speaks spanish #is coming up on sunday idk that i can fully carry convo with him! #pure spanglish bc i didnt grow up having convos in it writing it reading it #thats why im so desperate to read books in spanish now. im so deeply ashamed #igts so crazy. i hate it. #saw a comment on smthng the other day thats like ''idk how u can have parents that only speak spanish and not know it lol'' #well can you take a guess. can u take a guess as to how that would happen via interactions. lack thereof. #idk why but its even more embarrassing this way. genuinely how cld u not know...? #its like i was born to feel isolated from my family in every single way...youngest by so many years #the language thing. the Hates Eating thing. the trans thing. most severe failure to launch #im so embarrassed to be alive....! #and i dont belong anywhere. and i am Alone wherever I am. #abandoned by direct and distant relatives. ancestors.

[canonical-transformation]

me: I've written a lot of fluff lately... but obviously I write more involved stuff too! I have so many partial WIPs to resume, and so much more stuff in 4.0 to explode. The Mamere quest had me hooked, there are things I want to do with the Melusines in general, the Institute and N************z lore all look fascinating and I desperately need to make time to do a deep dive. Also, how much internal suffering are the HotH siblings concealing from one another?, and did Otets kill their predecessor in cold blood, or...?

also me: what is the minimal canon divergence AU where Fischl is Xingqiu's elder sibling? and is really into Legend of Sword and has no idea it's him

#why write when i can talk about writing #shitpost

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i f. i fucking forgot a pencil so i cant scribble out this Thought i had while on a lil road trip today - basically i was thinkin about Wally, as ya do, and i asked myself why does Wally eat with his eyes? its such a Fascinating yet somewhat Out Of Place choice for him. how did Clown come up with that? its so unique. it stands tf out.

and then i remembered Frank & Poppy's convo for their 'bug' audio, and how he says "you eat with your eyes first" and like... thats a real phrase. ive heard it in my life. & it set off lil alarm bells in my head the first time i listened to the clip, i just hadnt connected the dots yet. so its feasible that thats why Wally eats the way that he does - and an in-universe explanation could be that Wally heard the phrase before he could learn how to eat 'properly', and took it literally

essentially:

Frank: you eat with your eyes!

Wally: *rdj meme format* you eat with your eyes

#also dont have wifi so i cant type out my musings on my laptop #and typing on my phone kinda Hurts #so! this is a note to myself to Talk About This and Scribble a silly thing Later! #in a couple of days! #no wonder he only eats when no one is looking.... #they all eat Normally but hes over there like 'oh shit oh fuck i dont know how to do that. uhhhhhhh' #i imagine he heard it and immediately internalized it forever #core memory. this action will have consequences. new skill unlocked. this cannot be undone. #wally just casually fucking with the laws of reality.... good for him! good for him #i mean why not! #its not like he knows what reality is! or the laws of physics! he doesnt have to obey what he doesnt understand! #someone says You Can Do This and hey. look at that. he can! #and wow this beef jerky im eating tastes like chemicals. #absolutely unprompted #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #I HAVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS. FOR HOURS. DYING TO WRITE IT OUT AND POST #BUT I WAS IN THE CAR AND I GET CARSICK SO EASILY #so i couldnt.... #but now! now i am in this motel! relaxing! not moving! AND I CAN POST!!!! #anyhow i really need to get on posting more Thoughts bc i have so many #on wally's behavior on other characters & dialogue choices and just!!! Agh!!!! #speculation galore!!!! #ill have to wait though! sadly! #damn. i cant draw i cant Post. whats a bitch supposed to do #good thing i brought my crochet project smh #and a book <3

[aphelea]

first time we see alvar he chugs a glass of wine in a sip, talks about his 3 girlfriends and proceeds to call known facts a hoax. truly what a guy

#also why is every vacker described as 'dark-haired' except for della. what does that even mean #kotlc #august's adventures in rereading canon #<- is that what that tag was? tumblr seems to have forgotten apparently #well no matter. i just find alvar's intro scene hilarious #ok technically it never specifies that hes chugging a whole glass my bad. but he 'swallows his wine in one gulp' which i personally believ— #—can be interpreted many different ways (i actually read it wrong the first time. rip) #keeping the post though because i think its funny. why not i love misinformation #(this is like when you put important recontextualizing information in the footnotes of a paper instead of the actual thing. whoops) #you know i vaguely recall writing an alvar fic in the middle of the night once but ill talk about that later. these tags are long enough

[emmavakarian-theirin]

hiiiiiii i've fallen back into dragon age hell (origins, specifically) if anyone wants to DISCUSS things i am here

#(twirls hair) i think i'm falling for alistair all over again (sickos meme) yes... ha ha ha... YES.... #and it's mostly through realising how there's lines that are just SO unprompted or have no build up with the context of the subject?? #but obviously not in a bad writing way it's just *alistair* like #leliana: oh how i enjoyed the quiet of the chantry so i could contemplate and be at peace 😌 what about you alistair? 😊 #alistair: i liked screaming #LIKE honestly why was the grand cleric trying to keep you #or even the dialogue when you're trying to talk to him about his history and he's like 'it's boring though :/' #so you tell him to make up interesting stuff and he suddenly says 'i have some interesting looking moles i can show you?' LIKE??? #you are a sad strange big man and you have my love #BUT ANYWAY i'm having a moral dilemma over the most minor quest and have been staring at the same screen for like 30 minutes #and i know it's hard to see but sten looks so GOOD i'm shocked and thrilled i managed to get every mod i wanted to work... work

[clover-46]

the writers on here making the miguel fics need to remember his fangs inject paralytic venom hes not a real vampire it was just a joke in the movie 😭

oh but i still want him to bite me don’t get me wrong idgaf if they have venom 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

#the copious amounts of smut i’ve seen with this man and the fangs is crazy #y’all need to tone it DOWN wheres the fluff omg?? #there’s like so many smut x reader fics clogging the miguel o’hara tag and people can express their creative liberties or whatever but it’s #getting CRAZY #like why is almost nobody talking about his character and writing an analysis on him #AND WHY ARE SO MANY FICS WRITING HIM TO BE SOME FERAL AND MEAN BEAST #firstly it’s feels racist to write a brown latino man that way. #second it feels fetishiz-y with how people only sexualize the fuck outta him and talk about nothing else when it comes to him #to add onto that people are drawing him with a MUZZLE on #at first all this didn’t really register in my head as bad but after seeing so much i see it 😭 #also some spanish speakers have said people are using incorrect spanish when writing dialogue for him and thats kinda funny #don’t use google translate please 💀 #miguel o’ hara #spiderman 2099 #across the spiderverse #i also saw someone say miguel would not be a good partner or something and i just know you didn’t pay attention #and i wont go into why because its spoilers but we have seen him be soft and happy with someone he cares about it’s just trauma that has #made him mean and depressed #he was obviously projecting onto miles in the movie when he acted like that let’s be fr #why am i writing a novel down here idk i just wanted to talk about it a little #i love the smut (trust me) but pleaaseee don’t start being fetishize-y

[carlyraejepsans]

you've made posts before about shipping charisk, but toriel is frisk's mom pretty much and chara was considered a member of the dreemurr family (frisk can call them mom, she calls frisk "my child", and she adopts them on the surface in some playthroughs) (it's said that chara and asriel were "like siblings" and it's implied that the "mr. dad guy" sweater that asgore owns was made by chara)

i am feeling like "oh no, if this person realizes that the characters they are shipping together are pretty much siblings and is doing it anyway, i will be disappointed and will have to stop liking their cool art" so i am really hoping you just do not realize

begging you people to go outside

#i saw the beginning of this ask when my phone was about to die and i spent the entire bus ride writing up an analysis #about why I don't interpret them as siblings and that there are dozens of valid readings of the characters and why that should be the case #and then i saw the rest of the ask and just deflated. like wow talk about a disappointment. your attitude is incredibly immature #I'm not wasting my analysis on something like this #either you like my art or you don't. whatever weird parasocial complex you built up about me is none of my business #love how you saw a post about how people CAN write fucked up stories as long as they're aware the topic is fucked up #& still decided to come into my inbox like ''i hope you just haven't realized that this topic is fucked up bc if you did and liked it anyway #it would make you Bad'' like if you disagree with the starting point of the discussion what are you even still doing here. leave. #answered asks #biscia hater moment