#its like i was born to feel isolated from my family in every single way...youngest by so many years

[linkspooky]

Frankenstein and the Monster

So there is loads of speculation on a connection between Dabi and Frankenstein’s monster. There are several people who have already commented on it, here, here, and even here. (These are all the ones I could dig up recently). Frankenstein is a novel that can be read in many ways, but I believe the themes of the novel parallels and helps illustrate the relationship between Ujiko, Endeavor and Dabi.

1. Endeavor and Victor Frankenstein

To very briefly touch upon the novel for those who haven’t read it, there are several differences between Boris Karloff’s movie depiction and the original novel. In the novel the creature is intelligent, well spoken, and a reflection of the Doctor Frankenstein himself. To summarize quickly, Frankenstein a very dramatic undergrad student discovers the secret to reviving the dead, uses that to create a monster, then upon seeing how ugly it is flees. The monster grows up in isolation, is spurned by every human he comes across, and then returns to his master and says he will kill everyone the Doctor Loves unless he creates him a mate. Frankenstein destroys the mate, and then the monster destroys his wife to be on the night of their wedding then they chase each other around in the arctic until both of them die. If that wasn’t a sufficient enough summary, this crash course video is a good writeup of the book and it’s themes. 

Frankenstein has a lot to say about science and treading in god’s domain, but it’s also written by a woman who was a teenager at the time (Mary Shelley) who existed in a soical circle of adult men who were much older than her. Just as much as it’s a novel about mad science gone wrong, there are strong themes of feminism, parenthood, and abuse intertwined in the novel. 

Another popular reading is to interpret “Frankenstein” autobigraophically, a reading that was encouraged via 1970s feminist criticism of the novel. Earlier readings along those lines centered Frankenstein as a tale of monstrous birth and look to Mary Shelley’s own experiences with birth, which were pretty terrible.

Mary Shelley’s mother died when giving birth to her, and Mary and Shelley’s own first child, a daughter, died when she was just a few weeks old. And in her journal Mary recounted an incredibly sad dream about this daughter. “Dream that my little baby came to life again; that it had only been cold and that we rubbed it before the fire and lived.”  [Crash Course: Frankenstein]

This is just some background information to add context to your reading. Percey Shelley first met Mary when she was 14, and eloped with her when she was 16 and already pregnant with his child (he was around 24 at the time). Not only that but Percey was married at the time when he eloped with Mary, and his wirst wife did not take it well. 

Harriet (Westbrook) Shelley was Percy Shelley's first wife. While he was still married to her, he ran off with Mary Shelley, leaving Harriet pregnant and alone with their first child. She committed suicide on November 9, 1816 by drowning herself in Serpentine. [x]

As I said these details are all to add context to Mary Shelley’s life while she was writing Frankenstein. A book in which most of the female characters are severely mistreated and harmed. 

There are some pretty feminist critiques to Frankenstein. For instance, the novel clearly shows what harm comes to women (and family and relationships) when men pursue single-minded goals. In fact thanks to Victor’s lack of work life balance pretty much all of the women in this novel die. Victor’s creation of the monster leads to the hanging of the servant Justine the murder of Victor’s bride Elizabeth on their wedding night. [Crash Course: Frankenstein]

To put it as frankly as possible (Haha, get it because frankenstein) there are several points in the novel in which both Victor and Frankenstein act like fuckboys. 

You could easily read the story as one of male entitlement. Victor in the first place, deliberately refers to his bride to be Elizabeth as a possession and says it as a term of affection. 

And when, on the morrow, she presented Elizabeth to me as her promised gift, I, with childish seriousness, interpreted her words literally and looked upon Elizabeth as mine—mine to protect, love, and cherish. All praises bestowed on her I received as made to a possession of my own. We called each other familiarly by the name of cousin. No word, no expression could body forth the kind of relation in which she stood to me—my more than sister, since till death she was to be mine only.

His actions towards Elizabeth in the novel are also, extremely neglectful. Elizabeth spends the novel passively waiting for him to return and marry her, but Victor has a habit of disappearing from her life for long periods at a time with no contact at all in pursuit of his endeavors. (Get it because I’m comparing Victor to Endeavor). 

Elizabeth is someone he feels entitled to own, and entitled to her love (he literally thinks his parents gave him to her) and yet Victor never takes responsibility for Elizabeth and her feelings too wrapped up in his own. When Elizabeth is grieving for the losses of her family, Victor has a tendency to leave her alone to go off to sulk on his own. Elizabeth even pleads multiple times for Victor to come home, to offer some support for the rest of the family with his mere presence and Victor delays these returns home as long as possible. 

“Get well—and return to us. You will find a happy, cheerful home and friends who love you dearly. Your father’s health is vigorous, and he asks but to see you, but to be assured that you are well; and not a care will ever cloud his benevolent countenance.

This treatment also extends to the rest of Victor’s family, who are people he seriously neglects throughout the novel, and also people who are the direct sufferers of the consequences of his actions. His youngest brother is killed, the maid is framed for the murder, Elizabeth dies on the wedding night, Clerval his closest friend is killed, and his father dies soon afterwards of old age / implied grief. 

The monster who Victor creates is also a reflection of him. After knowing the suffering it is to be created as a creature with no family, and no place of belonging he then instructs Victor to make him a woman. A woman that will have no choice but to love him because they will be the only two alone in the world. The monster, also feels entitled to feminine love because he is lonely, with no thought to whether or not the second monster might have feelings, opinions or her own, or might not even like him. 

“You must create a female for me, with whom I can live in the interchange of those sympathies necessary for my being.  This you alone can do; and I demand it of you as a right which you must not refuse.” 

The recurring theme is this: a sense of male entitlement, without a sense of responsibility. What do I mean by Male Entitlement? 

Male entitlement is a product of traditional societal norms. It is cultivated in men as they join a society which usually favors them over the other genders in their careers, relationships, character-standing, and more.   There’s more on it here, and the role of male entitlement in abuse. 

Male entitlement is an attitude where men believe they are entitled to power over others, and/ or ownership of the women and children in their lives. Victor calls Elizabeth a possession given to him, and neglects her throughout most of the book. The monster believes he deserves to have a woman to love him. It’s not masculinity. Masculinity is just masculinity. It’s the belief that they are entitled to power or ownership over others simply because they are men born in a society that favors men. Male entitlement can show up in say, a father who believes he is entitled to the love of his children despite never doing any of the actual work of childrearing and pushing it all on the mother. Believing they deserved to be loved simply for being a father, while being absolutely absent for their lives. GUESS WHAT HAPPENS IN FRANKENSTEIN. 

So, a lot of people interpret Frankenstein as a story of ambition gone wrong, but that interpretation feels like it’s missing something if you don’t include the feminist angle. Frankenstein when doing his mad scientist undergrad bit speculates how he would be a father of a new species. It is specifically, fatherhood accomplished without a mother. That this new species would owe him love. 

A new species would bless me as its creator and source; many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me. 

An undeniable part of Victor’s motivation is that as the sole creator the child would owe him all of their love. I mean to once again connect this to abuse narratives how many real life parents believe their children have to love them no matter how poorly they treat them? 

No father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely as I should deserve theirs. 

Victor in the novel wants not only fatherhood, but also motherhood. He wants to create life which in victorian society at the time is the role of the woman. And yet at the same time, he doesn’t want to do any of the actual work of motherhood and the roles typically described to women. 

We can read the novel as an exploration of what happens when men fear, distrust, or devalue women so much that they attempt to reeproduce without them. In some ways Victor is trying to bypass the feminine altogether. He’s creating life without recourse to egg or womb.  [Crash Course: Frankenstein] 

Victor creates, and then proceeds to take no responsibility for his creation. He abandons the child for the most shallow of reasons (because it was ugly and looked scary), then leaves a sentient, thinking creature with no idea who it was, or why it was alive in the middle of the mountains hoping it starves to death on his own so he doesn’t have to deal with it. 

but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart. Unable to endure the aspect of the being I had created, I rushed out of the room and continued a long time traversing my bed-chamber.

Victor is the creatures parent, but takes no responsibility as a parent for raising the creature. In fact the child is punished when they are still an innocent, just for not turning out the way their creator intended. 

Frankenstein is a novel which portrays consistently men who aspire to greatness as described in their society (scientific invention, and in the framing device arctic exploration) but who consistently fail everyone in their lives at the most basic levels. In other words as Lizzo said, “Why men great, till they gotta be great.” 

This is where the fire comes in. The original post talks about dichotomy of fire as something that both helps and harms. Fire is a symbol in this book that can be read two different ways, and I think special context should be given to the subtitle of the story. “The Modern Prometheus”, a story which in classical times is a story of hubris where Prometheus steals fire from the heavens and is punished for it. Hubris in the classical greek sense means that a human acting like they know better than the gods. However, the story has a different interpretation in the Romantic / Enlightenment era where Prometheus is seen as a heroic figure stealing fire away from the gods to give knowledge to mankind. 

Fire in the book represents both. Victor is someone who has hubris, he assumes he’s a father who deserves the love of a child and sole responsbility for the creation of another being (effectively making him god), but abandons the creature literally five minutes after finishing him and makes no real attempt to take any effort in raising what is effectively his child. It’s also a story about Victor having ambitions to be great, and to do what no man has done before him. I don’t think the story emphasizes that ambitions are bad, but rather the dual nature of ambition as something like fire, something that can either warm or harm. 

He came upon a fire “which had been left” by humans (Vol. II, Ch. III), so a human tool left in nature. He was “overcome with delight” and joy, but touching it brought him pain. “How strange, [he thinks], that the same cause could produce such opposite effects!” He has learned the dichotomy of flame – to save and to hurt. [x]

Okay, now that we’re done witht hat extremely long essay on an english novel let’s actually talk about the manga where a goth stuck in his rebellious teenage phase tries to light his dad on fire. 

I’m going to be comparing the novel to Dabi and Endeavor in two aspects. 

Male entitlement, believing you deserve the love of a child without acting responsibly as a father. 

Fire, ambition as something that both helps and burns. 

Victor and Endeavor both are characters that decide to create children for very self serving reasons, and treat their families for the majority of their lives as tools to their own ambition. Endeavor wants a child that will carry out his ambitions for him, that he can live vicariously through. It’s not even an interpretation it’s directly stated text. 

Endeavor’s mad science also literally has him treat the woman in his life as tools to use for his own amibition. He fores a marriage on a woman to use her as an unwilling accessory to his eugenics project. 

It is not specifically a story of ambition got wrong, it’s also a story of neglect and abuse of all the women in his life. Endeavor’s ambitions all center around personal greatness for him. Shoto will prove his worth as a hero, as a mentor to him, as a great father. The fact that his motives are entirely selfish, (Endeavor is not focused on being the best hero he can be, but rather his own desire to be the strongest) is something that has an affect on his family and children. 

Fuyumi, Touya, and Natsuo are literally afterthoughts to Endeavor despite being just as much his children as Shoto. He literally only thinks of Rei in the context of “I needed her to give me a family.” Not only that but he’s also an extremely bad father to the one child that he does take an active role in trying to parent, acting extremely controlling towards Shoto and getting extremely angry whenever Shoto did anything that was outside of Endeavor’s wishes for Shoto to fulfill his ambitions. 

Endeavor just like Victor, inspires to greatness as a man and wants the signifiers of that as held up by society, accomplishment (Endeavor wants to be the number one rank even though he technically has far more resolved cases than All Might and the rank is literally just a number), family, and recognition despite having done none of the work. Once again why men great till they gotta be great. At the start of his arc, Endeavor feels entitled to Shoto’s love and obedience, and a role in his life, despite the fact that he’s hideously abused him for most of his life. 

Endeavor like Victor, also abandons several children for failing to meet his expectations. 

Part of Natsuo’s problem with Endeavor has exactly to do this sense of entitlement, Endeavor practically abandons his kids until they’re in their  early twenties to the point where he wasn’t involved in their lives at all (and also separated them from their mother). Remember another point of the book is that Victor wants sole parenthood, to create life without involvement of a woman. 

Endeavor does the exact same thing. He separates the children from their mother. Then while he is the only parent left in the household and effectively responsible for all of his children, he neglects most of them and completely fails to raise them. 

It’s implied besides trying to teach Shoto to use his quirk, he’s literally pushed all of the housework, and actual parenting you know, labor that is involved in raising a child onto Fuyumi. Fuyumi has cooked most of Shoto’s meals, it’s Fuyumi who attends his school conference in the novels. Endeavor has effectively committed the same crime as Victor, creating life and then running away from it by failing to act in any way as the father to his own children. His sense of entitlement shows in his actions and the way he treats the people around him in his life, he uses them for his own ambitions and they get burned. 

Endeavor is someone who has used all of the women in his life for his ambitions. Think Fuyumi, she grew up desperately wanting a family while having effectively no father and all contact cut off from her mother, and also had to take care of household chores and responsibility for both of her younger brothers. Think Rei, who has literally been institutionalized for ten years, and trauma from her experiences that haunts her to this day. Natsuo is someone who has no father, almost no relationship with his younger brother, and is still mourning his other dead brother. Shoto evens tates directly, he views Endeavor as someone to learn how to use his quirk from but hasn’t viewed him once as a father. Endeavor’s never been present as a father in Shoto’s life, despite controlling most of it and giving him all of the attention. He had ambition to pass his quirk from father to son, but never actually acted as a father. 

Endeavor’s treatment of his family, and his reflection for his past actions is also shown using this metaphor for fire. All Might’s ambition to become the strongest hero for the sake of a more peaceful society, is also represented by fire. Especially a flame that he passes from one person to the next, that Nana passed to him, and he passed to Deku.  

Endeavor is almost always associated with the more violent aspect of fire, when he thinks of the harm he’s done to his family it’s always juxtaposed to the fire on his face. 

(The right side fire, the left side Rei’s suffering face.)

Whereas the more gentle associations with fire are almost made with Shoto. Once again the novel of Frankenstein doesn’t decry ambition, it merely explores the consequences of ambitions that were extremely self-interested from the start. Endeavor only wanted to be strong for his own sake. Shoto who wanted to become a hero like All Might who would never make his mother cry, and All Might who wanted to create a safer society are people with strong ambitions that are associated with gentler flames. 

2. Dabi and Frankenstein’s Monster

Sins of the Father or Sins of the Fathers derives from biblical references primarily in the books Exodus, Deuteronomy, and Numbers to the sins or iniquities of one generation passing to another. Basically what it means is its a narrative trope where children are punished or suffer consequences for the action of their fathers. It can also mean that children inevitably reflect what their fathers have done to them, and even resemble their fathers. 

Everything the monster does is a reflection of Frankentstein’s actions. Everything Dabi does is both a consequence and a reflection of Endeavor’s actions. They are both written as sons to be narrative foils to their creator. If anything Dabi is even more of a frankenstein’s monster than Shoto, because a key element to the narrative is that Frankenstein was abandoned for not being perfect according to his creator’s wishes, he was punished for a defect. 

Touya just like frankenstein is a defective creation. One who suffers all of the consequences for what are his father’s sins. Endeavor deliberately took risks with his eugenics experiment that the child might have a quirk not compatible with their body, but it’s the child and not the parent who suffers all of the consequences. Toya literally died - whether he faked his death or not has yet to be revealed but he lost his home and family at a young age, spent most of his life homeless, and has to continually make use of a quirk that burns his entire body. Whether he wants them or not, his father’s sins are pushed onto Dabi. 

The flame that Endeavor is so keen on passing to his children, has literally permanently disabled Dabi, and will negatively effect him for the rest of his life. Consequences that Endeavor ought to suffer are passed onto Dabi instead. Dabi is burned by Endeavor’s actions towards him. 

This is once again something deliberately brought up by the book Frankenstein. The doctor creates life, takes absolutely no responsibility and leaves his creature to starve to death in the wilderness, and then the first time they meet again calls upon his creation to die. 

“I expected this reception,” said the dæmon. “All men hate the wretched; how, then, must I be hated, who am miserable beyond all living things! Yet you, my creator, detest and spurn me, thy creature, to whom thou art bound by ties only dissoluble by the annihilation of one of us. You purpose to kill me. How dare you sport thus with life?

The decision to create life irresponsibly was Victor’s, but the  person who suffers the brunt end of the consequences is not Victor, but rather the creature itself who just like Dabi has no home, and is constistently hurt by the environment around him. 

Dabi is also a symbol of the worst possible aspects of Endeavor’s ambitions. 

To compare Victor and the monster briefly. Victor

Has family / friends 

Home / Money / Wealth

Arrogant / Well Educated 

Self-Destructive 

A tool

The Monster

Abandoned

Ignorant (at first)

Homeless

A tool, but a more sympathetic one.

As you can see they are societally complete opposites. This can be said for Endeavor as well, he still gets to keep his family, his place in society despite what he’s done, he’s wealthy, succesful and well-liked in his community. Dabi is permanently disabled because of something his father did, is legally dead, homeless, separated from his family, and is a villain. 

While they are completely opposite in status, the monster and Victor are eerily similiar. They are both highly intelligent people who carry a strong ambition within them. The Monster basically learns speech, and reading all on his own, and as soon as he can be becomes as well-read as possible. 

Fortunately the books were written in the language, the elements of which I had acquired at the cottage; they consisted of Paradise Lost, a volume of Plutarch’s Lives, and the Sorrows of Werter. The possession of these treasures gave me extreme delight; I now continually studied and exercised my mind upon these histories, whilst my friends were employed in their ordinary occupations.

The monster also shares several of his father’s sin. He repeats the sins that have been done on to him, in the name of vengeance. Frankenstein’s claim is that he was hurt when he was still an innocent, punished before he had done anything wrong, but he also does the exact same thing to VIctor’s youngest brother killing him when he was just a child. 

Victor’s worst sin by far is selfish entitlement, forgetting to consider the feelings of his creation. Yet, the monster knowing how much he suffered by just being created in a world where there’s no one else like him also demands Victor create another creature. This is out of his own personal sense of entitlement, he believes he’s entitled to have someone love him, and if he had this he would be a good person again. 

He believes quite literally he deserves an Eve to share his loneliness in. His own personal feelings of grief and hurt matter more than those of: one the people he kills, and two a potential woman who would be created only to love him. 

But it was all a dream; no Eve soothed my sorrows nor shared my thoughts; I was alone. I remembered Adam’s supplication to his Creator. But where was mine? He had abandoned me, and in the bitterness of my heart I cursed him.

The monster also feels entitled to punish Frankenstein, but in this reccuring sins of the fathers he punishes people who are completely innocent of the crime that Frankenstein did to him and have nothing to do with his creation, just to get back at Frankenstein. Including, an innocent boy, a maid who he framed for murder, Frankenstein’s friend, and also Elizabeth. 

Dabi inevitably reflects his father and the environment he was raised in, and resembles him. Dabi who was raised by a quirk supremacist and thrown out because his quirk wasn’t good enough, kills people he doesn’t find worthy. Dabi’s methods are almost entirely based around his his individual strength because he was raised to believe that was the only good part of him. The same way Dabi was thrown out like burnable trash for failing to live up to his standards, Dabi will enact harsh vigilante justice and kill minor crimminals and heroes who fail to live up to his justice. 

Just like for the monster’s actions in punishing Victor, Dabi is called to consider the feelings of family’s of the people he kills. He is also punishing people completely unrelated to what happened to him, in his efforts to hold his father accountable. 

Dabi reflects his father, and quirk society the same things that burned him. He continually believes he has to be the strongest individually, accomplish everything on his own, and spurn others around him. Even those who try to make genuine connections with him like the league of villains. Dabi believes that the world has to be changed with the strength of ambitions of a single person, and his ambitions are far more important than the sense of family within the league. 

Dabi effectively distances himself from two families, the found family of the league, and also his original biological family. Think about how much it might save Natsuo to lean that his brother is still alive. Shoto at least, doesn’t want to see his father roasted alive on live television. 

Dabi’s ambitions are as self destructive as his fathers, as he only knows how to fight by completely burning his body up. He harms himself over and over again by using his quirk to try to change things. 

3. Endeavor and Ujiko

The book ultimately poses the question who is responsible for the actions of the monster, Frankenstein or the Monster itself. However, I think an element missed in a lot of analysis is that the mosnter accepts that most of what he has done is wrong, he just wants people to be held equally accountable for their actions. 

“You, who call Frankenstein your friend, seem to have a knowledge of my crimes and his misfortunes. But in the detail which he gave you of them he could not sum up the hours and months of misery which I endured wasting in impotent passions. For while I destroyed his hopes, I did not satisfy my own desires. They were for ever ardent and craving; still I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned. Was there no injustice in this? Am I to be thought the only criminal, when all humankind sinned against me? Why do you not hate Felix, who drove his friend from his door with contumely? Why do you not execrate the rustic who sought to destroy the saviour of his child? 

The monster’s problem is not that he shouldn’t be held accountable for his actions, but rather that he’s the only one whose ever held accountable for his actions. The Monster also spends most of the narrative being treated as a monster, whereas Frankenstein faces no real consequences for what he’s done from the people around him, never loses his standing in society, never is cast out for his wrongs. Frankenstein continually avoids any and all responsibility towards the monster up until his death, and only takes responsibility in violently trying to kill his creation. 

There are also oppurtunities for Frankenstein to take responsibility, which he chooses not to do anything. An innocent maid is about to be executed for a crime that Frankenstein knows she did not commit, and instead of trying to help her by explaining to everyone his creation of the creature, and also that the creature is likely responsible for the murder he says nothing. While not responsible for the women’s death, he is culpable in that he could have taken action to save her but didn’t. 

Franketnstein’s actions are again and again always to run away from the monster and avoid responsibility. From the beginning he runs away from the monster due to it simply being ugly. Both the monster (and also Toya) were punished when they were innocent children who had not committed any kind of crime, by the person who was responsible for raising them, educating them, and giving them everything they needed to become happy adults. 

“Remember that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed. Everywhere I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded. I was benevolent and good; misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous.”

While Frankenstein and the Monster both entitled, their reasons for entitlement come from entirely different places. Frankenstein’s comes from his own arrogance, believing that he’s destined to do great things, and be a man of status and accomplishment. Why men great till they gotta be great. 

The monster believes he’s entitled to a family, because his father abandoned him, and he’s been homeless most of his life. The monster is violent, but only after he’s endured violence from people several times over. The monster is ultimately a victim of circumstance, and Frankenstein is the one who created that circumstance. 

Considering Frankenstein and the monster are foils, there’s a reason that Frankenstein fears and abhors the monster before it’s even awake. It’s because the monster reflects the ugliness of his own actions. The ugliness in himself that he is completely unable to face. He is a negative character foil in a character sense, and a shadow created by Frankenstein’s actions. 

The monster shows Victor what he is, selfish, entitled, and violent. Victor can’t ever confront the monster, because he can never confront those flaws within himself. 

Dabi is a reflection of Endeavor’s violent, abusive nature. He is also the direct consequence of all of Endeavor’s actions. So the question is, has Endeavor confronted the monstrous side of his actions? The answer is most likely no, because despite doing things as bad as any villain in the story he still views himself as the hero.

Shoto even tells us directly. Endeavor the hero and Endeavor the father are so different they’re almost like two different people. Endeavor continuing to be a hero on the television and coming home to his family is not taking repsonsibility for his actions, not truly, because he still hasn’t accepted the worst of what he’s done. 

In the narrative Endeavor currently feels guilt, and also a desire to atone but we’re also told again and again that atoning means taking responsibility and carrying everything. No building a house where his family doesn’t have to be around him and taking steps to distance himself isn’t taking full resposnibility because Dabi is still running around. Dabi is the embodiment of the absolute worst of Endeavor’s actions, the toxic environment that literally killed Toya, burned Shoto, and hospitalized Rei. I would say Endeavor still hans’t seen the worst of his actions because he still views himself as the hero, just the hero who has made mistakes. We’re shown this in foiling, the same way Fankenstein rejects the monster, Endeavor doesn’t recognize Dabi even though he is literally his own son. 

The strongest evidence of this is Endeavor and Ujiko’s foiling. They are two characters who have a lot in common, they both used children as experiments in their attempts to create stronger quirks including their own family members (Ujiko experimented on his own nephew). 

They’re both men of incredible wealth and status in society, who have deliberately used their status to cover up their cimes. Endeavor used his status to hospitalize his wife for years, he used his status to marry her in the first place, Ujiko uses all of his money and resources to find people to experiment on, and deliberately takes advantage of people in need by using his orphanage and hospitals to farm for materials to make his Nomus with. 

They’re both motivated by their own personal ambitions. They also feel entitled, Ujiko’s specific issue is that the scientific community failed to give him the respect and funding for his research that he thought he was owed. 

The source of Endeavor’s pain is that no matter how hard he works he’ll never become the strongest. The source of Ujiko’s pain is that nobody recognizes his work and achievements in his scientific community. They both want their hard work to turn into achievement, for their efforts to pay off, which again is not a bad thing until they get angry when they’re not given what they think they’re owed. 

Ujiko and Endeavor both become so desperate to accomplish their ambitions that they manipulate people to become tools to fulfill their ambitions for them. Shoto has to carry on his legacy, and learn to use his flame side like Endeavor always wanted. They both create children that they are technically the parent of, but don’t act as fathers. Endeavor is responsible for Fuyumi, Natsuo, Touya, and Todoroki but fails to live up to that responsibility. Ujiko creates the Nomu, which just like the monster in Frankenstein are new life created from the corpses of other people, and then just uses them and disposes them as tools. 

Ujiko even utters a line that is incredibly similiar to Endeavor in the regards to the way they treat Shigaraki and Shoto. 

However how does Endeavor react to Ujiko? Does he understand the harm that he’s done in a new light? No, he falls back on his hero narrative. I am the hero, and Ujiko is the utlimate evil. 

Endeavor so far, like Frankenstein, fails to truly confront the monster. Even when he finally realizes the destructive nature of his desire to be stronger than anyone else when he fights the Nomu, his response is to burn it alive. What is Endeavor’s response? To play hero, and defeat a villain. 

The thing about jungian shadow arcs is that you don’t destroy your shadow, you reintegrated it.  Endeavor can’t symbolically murder his past self because that won’t make his past actions go away, he can only accept them. The question now is: will he do the same thing to Dabi? 

When confronted with who Dabi is and his role in creating Dabi, what will Endeavor’s choice be? Is he going to play the hero, and destroy the villain he sees in front of him. The same way he did with the Nomu, the same way he did with Ujiko, the same way he’s trying to do with Shigaraki (who is, you know a heavy parallel to his own son Toya, and another abused child).

Will Endeavor act as a hero, or the remorseful father he also is? That choice is utlimately what Endeavor’s entire character is written around, does he want to finally be a father or does he want to keep being endeavor the hero? What is more important to him his own ambitions as a hero, or the people he’s harmed? 

Just like Victor, Endeavor’s entire arc revolves around Dabi. He is a hero directly responsible for the creation of a villain. Dabi would not exist if it were not for Endeavor’s direct actions. Not only that but his future will be determined by how he chooses to interact with Dabi once he knows the truth. Endeavor cannot truly take responsibility until he takes responsibility for Dabi.

#mha meta #mha dabi #dabi is touya #dabi #enji todoroki #endeavor #frankenstein #mary shelley's frankenstein #Sometimes you gotta wake up in the morning and decide to spend your entire day writing an incredibly long essay about classic literature

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Graphic Recommendations

This year has been an excellent one for readers of graphic novels. I've been reading quite a few during the pandemic when longer form books just seem like too much of a time investment or my attention span is limited. Falling into the visuals can be just the thing I need when the world seems a bit chaotic. Here are a few I highly recommend.

The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen Random House Graphic

Real life isn’t a fairytale.

But Tiến still enjoys reading his favorite stories with his parents from the books he borrows from the local library. It’s hard enough trying to communicate with your parents as a kid, but for Tiến, he doesn’t even have the right words because his parents are struggling with their English. Is there a Vietnamese word for what he’s going through?

Is there a way to tell them he’s gay?

A beautifully illustrated story by Trung Le Nguyen that follows a young boy as he tries to navigate life through fairytales, an instant classic that shows us how we are all connected. The Magic Fish tackles tough subjects in a way that accessible with readers of all ages, and teaches us that no matter what—we can all have our own happy endings. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Displacement by Kiku Hughes First Second [Jessica's Review]

A teenager is pulled back in time to witness her grandmother’s experiences in World War II-era Japanese internment camps in Displacement, a historical graphic novel from Kiku Hughes.

Kiku is on vacation in San Francisco when suddenly she finds herself displaced to the 1940s Japanese-American internment camp that her late grandmother, Ernestina, was forcibly relocated to during World War II.

These displacements keep occurring until Kiku finds herself “stuck” back in time. Living alongside her young grandmother and other Japanese-American citizens in internment camps, Kiku gets the education she never received in history class. She witnesses the lives of Japanese-Americans who were denied their civil liberties and suffered greatly, but managed to cultivate community and commit acts of resistance in order to survive.

Kiku Hughes weaves a riveting, bittersweet tale that highlights the intergenerational impact and power of memory. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Flamer by Mike Curato Henry Holt and Co.

I know I’m not gay. Gay boys like other boys. I hate boys. They’re mean, and scary, and they’re always destroying something or saying something dumb or both.

I hate that word. Gay. It makes me feel . . . unsafe.

It's the summer between middle school and high school, and Aiden Navarro is away at camp. Everyone's going through changes—but for Aiden, the stakes feel higher. As he navigates friendships, deals with bullies, and spends time with Elias (a boy he can't stop thinking about), he finds himself on a path of self-discovery and acceptance.  — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Dragon Hoops by Gene Luen Yang First Second

In his latest graphic novel, New York Times bestselling author Gene Luen Yang turns the spotlight on his life, his family, and the high school where he teaches.

Gene understands stories—comic book stories, in particular. Big action. Bigger thrills. And the hero always wins.

But Gene doesn’t get sports. As a kid, his friends called him “Stick” and every basketball game he played ended in pain. He lost interest in basketball long ago, but at the high school where he now teaches, it’s all anyone can talk about. The men’s varsity team, the Dragons, is having a phenomenal season that’s been decades in the making. Each victory brings them closer to their ultimate goal: the California State Championships.

Once Gene gets to know these young all-stars, he realizes that their story is just as thrilling as anything he’s seen on a comic book page. He knows he has to follow this epic to its end. What he doesn’t know yet is that this season is not only going to change the Dragons’s lives, but his own life as well. — Copy image and summary via Goodreads

Banned Book Club by Kim Hyun Sook, Ko Hyung-Ju, Ryan Estrada Iron Circus Comics [Crystal's review] [Q&A with Kim Hyun Sook & Ryan Estrada]

When Kim Hyun Sook started college in 1983 she was ready for her world to open up. After acing her exams and sort-of convincing her traditional mother that it was a good idea for a woman to go to college, she looked forward to soaking up the ideas of Western Literature far from the drudgery she was promised at her family’s restaurant. But literature class would prove to be just the start of a massive turning point, still focused on reading but with life-or-death stakes she never could have imagined.

This was during South Korea’s Fifth Republic, a military regime that entrenched its power through censorship, torture, and the murder of protestors. In this charged political climate, with Molotov cocktails flying and fellow students disappearing for hours and returning with bruises, Hyun Sook sought refuge in the comfort of books. When the handsome young editor of the school newspaper invited her to his reading group, she expected to pop into the cafeteria to talk about Moby Dick, Hamlet, and The Scarlet Letter. Instead she found herself hiding in a basement as the youngest member of an underground banned book club. And as Hyun Sook soon discovered, in a totalitarian regime, the delights of discovering great works of illicit literature are quickly overshadowed by fear and violence as the walls close in.

In Banned Book Club, Hyun Sook shares a dramatic true story of political division, fear-mongering, anti-intellectualism, the death of democratic institutions, and the relentless rebellion of reading. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Almost American Girl by Robin Ha Balzer + Bray

A powerful and timely teen graphic novel memoir—perfect for fans of American Born Chinese and Hey, Kiddo—about a Korean-born, non-English-speaking girl who is abruptly transplanted from Seoul to Huntsville, Alabama, and struggles with extreme culture shock and isolation, until she discovers her passion for comic arts.

For as long as she can remember, it’s been Robin and her mom against the world. Growing up in the 1990s as the only child of a single mother in Seoul, Korea, wasn’t always easy, but it has bonded them fiercely together.

So when a vacation to visit friends in Huntsville, Alabama, unexpectedly becomes a permanent relocation—following her mother’s announcement that she’s getting married—Robin is devastated. Overnight, her life changes. She is dropped into a new school where she doesn’t understand the language and struggles to keep up. She is completely cut off from her friends at home and has no access to her beloved comics. At home, she doesn’t fit in with her new stepfamily. And worst of all, she is furious with the one person she is closest to—her mother.

Then one day Robin’s mother enrolls her in a local comic drawing class, which opens the window to a future Robin could never have imagined. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

For a few older titles, you can check out the lists we've created in the past: LGBTQ POC Comics 3 Quick Comic Book Reads Women's History Month Getting Graphic

[thdorkmagnet]

A Perilous Journey (Star is Anna AU Part 2)

Summary: A series of one-shots and multi-chapters proving why Star Butterfly should be considered a Disney Princess, as Star and company take over the roles of all your favorite Disney Princess characters! (Starco inevitable)

Check out my other stuff on Fanfiction!

Disclaimer: Star vs and all its characters are owned by Daron Nefcy and Disney. Frozen belongs to Disney. All rights go to their respective owners.

Part 1

Meteora let out a slow sigh, her breath fogged in the cold mountain air, but she didn't shiver despite the low temperature, the cold had never bothered her anyways. As she climbed higher and higher up the mountaintop, a trail of footprints left in the crystal white slow, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had just entered into a hidden world previously untouched by man, a kingdom of lone isolation and solitude. Guess that makes me the queen, Meteora thought bitterly to herself.

But this was honestly the least of her worries, much more depressing and guilty thoughts hovering around in her head, refusing to let her relax or feel at peace. Not that she had ever felt peace in a long time.

She ran her hands up and down her arms, but not of desperate need to stay warm, but out of guilt as every horrible decision she had made came crashing down on her at once. How could she have been so stupid? How, after all these years, had she allowed her powers to be shown? She had been so careful to hide them, locking herself away and letting no one in, even her own sister... and yet the moment she had left the safety of her boring, suffocating room look what had happened. Every fear she had ever had came true, she had let her emotions get the better of her and it had ruined everything. Just like it had all those years ago.

The air around her seemed to only grow colder as her mind flashed back to that day...

…

For about as long as Meteora could remember she had been alone.

Okay well that was a bit of an exaggeration, since for several years of her young life she had had Star. During that time, her younger sister and her were practically inseparable, spending almost every second together playing and having a great time. Meteora had so, so many great memories of their time together and part of her so wished that she could have her bouncy, energetic sister back.

It was around this time Meteora discovered her ice powers and if Star had been enthusiastic before, now she was completely spellbound by her sister. Meteora could recall the look of pure joy shimmering in her sister's innocent eyes whenever she would freeze some object or make it rain down snow from the ceiling. And the pride Meteora would feel every time Star squealed in delight over something she did was immeasurable.

But all that changed one fateful night.

It started pretty much the same as any night with Star wanting to play. Meteora was in a peaceful, soothing dream  when a soft whisper cut through the quiet of the night. “Meteora? Meteora, wake up?”

Meteora smiled but didn't show any other indication of being awake. She felt a small form crawl up onto the bed, before poking her cheek, “Wake up, Meteora I want to play.”

Meteora peeked open an eye, saying softly to her, “Star it's the middle of the night, go to sleep.”

Star's cheeks puffed up in the cutest way as she argued in a small whine, “But the skies awake...” She pointed over to their window where the aurora borealis was shining in the distance. “And I'm awake, so we have to play!”

“Star, go back to bed,” Meteora scolded, picking up her pillow and hitting her little sister with it, causing the blond to fall off the bed and land on her butt. Meteora laid back down but before she could even get comfortable, Star was back now sitting on top of her, giggling incessantly. Meteora felt a small hand trying to pry her eyes open and she held back another smile. Soon the girl found herself staring into Star's eager blue as her younger sister whispered, “Do you wanna build a snowman?”

Meteora finally let her smile slip, she couldn't argue with that. It was Star's code for asking her to use her powers and Meteora never said no to an opportunity to impress her little sis.

The two ran downstairs to the empty ballroom, giggling and whispering under their breath the whole way, being careful not to wake their parents or any of the staff. But the thrill of possibly getting caught had both of them giddy. Once they were in the massive room, Star began impatiently saying, “Do the magic! Do the magic!” shaking her sister's arm and hopping up and down on the balls of her feet.

“Okay, check this out,” Meteora said, forming a small snowball in her hand. Star leaned closer and watched entranced as her big sis blew onto the cold sphere, making it shine with bright blue magic. Meteora then threw the magic-infused snowball into the air, where it burst just before hitting the ceiling. A gentle snowfall soon began, tiny shimmering snowflakes sprinkling down from above. Star squealed in delight and ran around the room excitedly, sticking her tongue out to try and catch the falling snow. All the while Meteora just looked on with pride.

The two had a blast playing in the magic-made snow, ice skating across the ballroom floors, having a snowball fight which Star easily won (sure Meteora was magic but she couldn't beat the arm on that girl!) and, of course, building a snowman together... as well as an entire army of snow creatures since Star insisted the snowman not be alone.

Finally, Meteora began making piles of snow for Star to jump onto, the little blond hopping from one pile to the next, each one slightly higher than the last, the girl determined to reach the ceiling. But her impatient speed was proving to be more than Meteora could handle, calling up to her sister to slow down but Star was too caught up in her own world to listen, simply shouting to her sister to make it higher with each new jump.

Suddenly, Meteora's foot slipped and she lost her balance, falling hard to the floor. The girl groaned and looked up in panic, just in time to see her sister leap off the tall snow pile with a cheer, oblivious to the danger that awaited her, just blindly trusting her sister would catch her. Meteora felt a cold fear rush through her veins as she helplessly reached out for her sister, screaming at the top of her lungs, “STAR!”

But what Meteora didn't realize was that in her moment of desperation her powers had activated as she sent a wave of blue magic hurtling toward her air-born sister. The wave hit Star directly in the head and the girl's eyes instantly closed, her body going limp. Star's unconscious body hit a snowpile a second later, rolling down the cold hill before sliding to a stop on the ice. Meteora's vision grew blurry as she stared at her sister's fallen body, looking tinier and weaker than the girl thought she had ever seen, and she gasped out, “No, Star!”

The older girl was at her sister's side in a second, holding her frail and cold body in her arms tears dripping down her face as she sobbed pitifully. “Star, wake up! Please wake up!” she screamed, shaking Star's body uselessly. Star's skin was bitterly cold to the touch, way too cold to be good for her, and Meteora watched in horror as a single stand of Star's golden hair turned bright white.

“Momma! Daddy!” Meteora screamed, clutching her sister close, rocking back and forth in a comforting motion. Not that it helped any.

A few seconds passed before the doors to the ballroom busted open, a startled Moon and River staring at the scene in shock, their mouths simultaneously dropping open. “Meteora, what happened?” Moon exclaimed worriedly, rushing over to her two daughters. Meteora didn't protest as her mom pulled Star from her grip.

“We were just playing, it was an accident, I swear,” the older girl chocked out, wiping tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.

Moon didn't reply though, putting a hand to her daughter's forehead before gasping. She turned to her husband, saying in a fearful tone, “She's ice cold.”

River followed his wife's example, feeling his youngest daughter's forehead himself, his face now etched with concern. “What do we do, my love?”

Moon let out a shaky breath, trying to calm her racing heart and mind, before saying in a far-off tone, “I think I may know of a way.”

The family quickly departed from the castle, a sleigh carrying them swiftly out of the town and into the unknown woods. Meteora was on pins and needles the whole dreaded ride, sitting with her legs tucking up to her chest and casting worried glances at her little sister who was wrapped in a warm blanket in her mother's arms. Anxious thoughts floated through Meteora's head, praying that they made it to wherever they were going in time to save her sister, her negative thoughts leaving a trail of frost behind the sleigh.

It felt like years had passed when they finally made it to their destination, an empty glade. Meteora was beyond confused why her parents had brought them there of all places, which only grew as she watched her mother pleading to the empty night for help, explaining that their daughter was sick with magic. A few seconds passed before Meteora saw a flash of something in the shadows and jumped. Soon forms began emerging from the woods, tall, bizarre creatures that caused Meteora to gasp in surprise. “Monsters,” she muttered, looking around at the creatures in awe.

The Monsters all looked equally as confused as Meteora felt, gazing at the intruders to their home nervously, sharing hesitant glances with one another and keeping their distance. Finally a frog Monster stepped forward from the crowd, eying the queen and king up and down, his eyes pausing on Star and a sympathetic look crossed his face, his muscular form relaxing some as he realized they meant no harm. For a second Meteora thought she saw a small human boy peek his head around one of the frog's massive legs, but when she blinked he was gone and the girl just decided her eyes were playing tricks on her.

“Why have you come here?” the frog asked, his voice thick with an accent.

“My daughter is sick with magic, we need to speak to the witch of these woods,” Moon explained, holding Star a little closer to her chest.  Meteora could hear whispering from the Monsters around her at that, but they kept whatever comments they had to themselves.

Buff Frog eyed Star one more time before nodding. He yelled over his shoulder, “Eclipsa! You have visitors!”

A few seconds passed, before the crowd of Monsters parted, letting the witch (Eclipsa, apparently) through and Meteora leaned forward to see her better. The woman had teal hair pulled back into a bun and wore an elegant purple dress, complete with hat and matching gloves, there was a peaceful nature to her, she seemed kind and compassionate if not a little mysterious and Meteora almost felt an instant connection to her. She was a witch, did she have powers like hers? Meteora was shocked to see two little girls on either side of the witch, both no older than Star, one with white hair, the other with dark hair.

When Eclipsa reached them, she smiled at them pleasantly before saying in a cheerful tone, “Well, this is quite the surprise! I'm quite used to people showing up at all hours of the night for my assistance, but I didn't expect the king and queen themselves to visit my humble home!” Eclipsa dropped into a polite curtsy, before her eyes landed on the small child held tightly in her mother's arms. She gasped, moving closer and cupping Star's cheek in her hand, saying in a sorrowful tone, “Oh, you poor child.”

Moon and River looked uncomfortable at the idea of this witch touching their child but said nothing, instead the king just said, “Yes, that's why we brought her here.”

“I'm so glad you did.” Eclipsa said before clicking her tongue. She looked up at the older royals before asking, “What happened to her?”

Moon and River didn't reply at first, going silent and sharing a look, not sure how to answer that without upsetting their other daughter. Meteora shifted uncomfortably on her feet as guilt tugged at her heartstrings. She looked down at her shaking hands before blurting, “It was me. I used my magic on here... by accident.”

Eclipsa looked down at Meteora with sympathy in her eyes and where the girl feared she would be reprimanded or blamed for her actions, the witch did no such thing, instead only stating, “Well these things do happen, I'm sure you meant her no harm.” And then to Meteora's greater surprise she even smiled at her, tight and constricted but still a smile nonetheless. But Eclipsa immediately turned her attention back to Star saying in a calm but masterful tone, “But now first things first, let's fix up this little darling.” She sounded so in control, like she had done this a million times before and Meteora could only watch dumbfounded as with a single wave of her hand, she freed her sister from Meteora's magic, a small glowing orb now floating in the air above Star's head. She watched even more astonished as Eclipsa went to work cycling through Star's memories, watching as precious moments they had shared were changed, every time Meteora had ever used her magic to impress or play with Star was changed to something more mediocre and finally the girl realized what Eclipsa was doing. She was erasing Star's memory of her magic.  

Once the witch was done she gently held the orb over Star's head before it vanished back inside her sister's mind, Eclipsa putting a hand on the girl's forehead and brushing loose strands of hair out of her eyes. “There now, she should be fully recovered by morning.”

“We can't thank you enough, Eclipsa,” Moon said as her husband pulled Star from her arms hugging her close to his chest in relief. “I don't know what we would have done without you.”

“Oh I didn't do all that much,” Eclipsa replied modestly, waving a hand in the air. “I simply help out where I can. Just be thankful it was her head and not her heart, otherwise healing her would have been much... trickier.”

Meteora looked guilty down at her feet, waves of shame and regret washing over her, her heart aching painfully in her chest. Maybe she had accidentally used magic on herself, maybe that was why she felt so sick. She felt tears form at the corners of her eyes and she blinked them away quickly. Eclipsa must have noticed this, because her face softened as she bent down to Meteora's level putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Listen to me, Meteora, your power makes you special, never forget that,” Eclipsa said gently, her kind eyes looking deep into Meteora's wide magenta orbs. “Your gift can be a great blessing but it can also be a burden. You must learn to control your powers or fear will be your enemy. Do you understand?”

Meteora nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yes.”

“Good,” Eclipsa replied, giving her one more smile before standing up to full height. She returned her focus to Moon and River as she told them, “When your daughter awakes, she will have no memory of Meteora's magic. I've done all I can for now, what happens next is up to you. Now if you'll please excuse me.” With that Eclipsa bowed before turning and disappearing into the crowd of Monsters, the two little girls following quickly after her.

Meteora saw out of the corner of her eye the nervous look passed between her parents before they began to nervously mutter amongst each other. Meteora just stood their numbly, trying to fight back the overwhelming guilt still bubbling in her chest. “Mom, dad, am I... gonna hurt anyone again?” she finally asked, her voice trembling and her lip quivering against her will.

She saw her parents faces flash with fear before they hid it behind a determined mask. “Of course not, my dear,” River said quickly.

“We aren't going to let that happen,” Moon added, her features sharpening as her protective instincts took over. “We'll just have to be more careful from now on. Keep the gates locked, lower the staff number, minimum contact with anyone... even Star.” At this point her mother was mumbling to herself as if thinking over the necessary steps to keep her daughter safe.

Meteora's gaze slowly drifted down to her shaking hands, feeling bile in the back of her throat. These hands, her hands, had hurt Star, her own loving little sister. And  accident or not it was still her fault Star had gotten hurt. And so at that moment Meteora swore to herself she would never let anything like that happen to her sister again. No matter what that meant.

No matter what she had to do.

…

More memories passed through Meteora's head from there, years of loneliness and anxiety as she locked herself away in her room, fighting back her powers, struggling to keep control. She tried to push all her emotions down, to not feel anything, concealing her abilities from the world. She started wearing gloves (the thicker the better) after she realized she would freeze anything she touched. And no matter how hard she tried she couldn't control her powers, with every day that passed they only seemed to get stronger.

The only contact she had from anyone during that time was her parents, who she made sure to keep at a distance, just in case. She never hugged them and if they tried to touch her she'd flinch away from them. Most of the time she would stand on the opposite side of her room and try her best to think warm thoughts, fearful of injuring her mom and dad like she had Star.

As for Star, herself, she was a whole different story.

Even though Meteora was burdened by her guilt, she relished the moments when her sister would knock on her door asking her to come and play, thinking of crazier and crazier ideas each time or asking why she was staying in her room so much. And even though Meteora would decline every invitation it made her heart feel a little lighter to hear her sister's voice. Sometimes she would even press herself up against the firm wood just so she could hear her sister better, the longing threatening to tear her heart in half. For a long time, Star stayed persistent and even though part of Meteora wished she'd give up, the other part of her wanted nothing more than to see her little sis again. But she resisted this urge, because she was doing this for Star. Because Star wasn't safe around her.

Finally, Star started knocking less and less, her pleas became more desperate and sad. Until eventually, they quit altogether. Her door went silent. She had given up on Meteora and honestly she didn't blame her sister one bit for it. She would have given up on her to. But it didn't make it hurt any less.

She remembered the day her parents told her they were going away on a trip for a few days and she had begged them to stay, fearful of being alone, of losing control without her parents there to help calm her down. She remembered her mom and dad reassuring her that everything would be okay before leaving her room for the very last time. She remembered the stabbing pain and sorrow when she was told that their ship had sunken in a storm, that there were no survivors. She remembered her room becoming coated in ice and snow as she wept in misery. But most of all she remembered the dull sound of knocking just on the other side of her door, no life or energy in the action. She listened as Star pleaded with her to come out of her room, her sorrowful tone the only comfort Meteora had left in this world. And what hurt most of all was that all Meteora could do was lean against the door and cry, as Star's own painful sobs attacked her ears.

The next few years were some of the loneliest Meteora had ever experienced, without her parents there any longer and Star no longer even attempting to reach out to her she had nothing and no one to depend on. She was completely alone now, fighting back her emotions and her fears and everything else all on her own. Until finally, she was old enough to become queen. She had stressed and worried for days about the ceremony, knowing she would have to take off her gloves in order to be anointed queen. But somehow she had pulled it off, able to keep her powers under control long enough to hold both scepter and orb as the priest finished his speech, although she seriously wished he would speak just a little bit faster! She had practically thrown the objects back down and ripped the gloves back on, feeling safe once more.

And she had even gotten to see Star again for the first time in years, she got to stand next to her and talk to her and that was probably the happiest she had ever been in a long time. Until she went and screwed it up, upsetting Star and forcing her away again, the guilt eating away at Meteora's heart once again. She told herself she was doing this for her sister, that locking her away inside the castle was what was best for her. And then Star had suddenly appeared with Tom and claimed they were getting married and Meteora had lost it. Anger and frustration had overpowered her common sense as she and Star fought, her sister antagonizing her more and more until finally she had snapped... and lost control.

And in that moment, all Meteora could do was stare into the fearful crowd of onlookers in pure horror. Look into their frightened and stunned faces at what she had just done. And then her eyes locked with Star, she could see the confusion and doubt and worry written all over her face. Star sucked in a deep breath, a look of fear flashing through her eyes and Meteora felt sick. Tears flowed down her face as she reluctantly chocked out, “I'm sorry,” before she did the only thing she could think of. She ran. She did her best to ignore the world around her as she ran as far and as fast from the castle as she could, she ignored the wind whipping against her face, the tears streaking down her cheeks, the screams and cries of her people as she froze everything around her and the dull pang in her chest as a result. She ignored the frigid temperature as her powers again worked against her once more and she ignored the desperate voice of Star at her back. She just pushed that all out and ran. She froze the lake in her wake and ran into the nearest treeline and she didn't stop running until her home was a spec in the distance.

…

Meteora shivered as the memory faded from her mind, the dull ache in her chest almost suffocating. She had tried so hard to not lose control, to keep her powers under wraps, but she had failed and now everybody knew. It was all over.

That thought made Meteora pause, stopping in her tracks as she pondered that for a moment. Was it really over? After all the years of stressing and worrying and fearing the worst case scenario it had finally happened and now she had nothing more to fear. Star was safe so long as she was away and no one would find her up here in the mountains. She was free. Finally, truly free. From the guilt, from the worry, from everything. And for the first time in years, Meteora smiled as a long forgotten joy and peace fell over her and she let out a relaxed sigh, letting all the stress and anxiety that had built up in her go.

She quickly ripped off her only remaining glove, her cape, and her crown, letting them float away in the wind or fall to the ground forgotten as she began casting blasts of ice magic through the air, no longer caring about being seen, not having to hide this side of herself from everyone. Cause now there was no one around for her to hurt.

She let loose all her powers, seeing just what her magic could truly do. And as she cast spell after spell she began to laugh, hard and long, her bubbly tone echoing around the snow-capped hills. She stopped for a moment though, biting her lip as a new idea for a spell popped into her head, her mind just briefly flashing back to that night with Star, and before she knew what she was doing she was creating a snowman, waving a finger around in the air as a snowman magically formed in front of her. But she didn't stop there, creating snow creature after snow creature, the whole area around her soon covered in them and she laughed at the top of her lungs. She ran up the mountain, shouting in pure joy, feeling more free than she had in her life, until she reached the edge of a cliff. But even that wasn't going to stop Meteora. She was on a roll and nothing was going to stop her anymore.

So she simply threw her hands out in a burst of magic before the beginning part of a bridge appeared before her and as she stepped on it, the snow turned to ice and she didn't hesitate as she ran across the bridge, forming it as she went until she reached the next snow bank. She felt a rush of exhilaration, wanting to do something bigger and grander than ever when a new idea popped into her head. She smiled mischievously as a new idea came into her mind. She rubbed her hands together and muttered under her breath, “Oh this is gonna be good.”

And then she got right to work creating her greatest masterpiece yet, finally after all these years feeling like herself again.

…

Star and Marco rode in silence for a while. Close to an hour had passed without either saying a word, Star staring at the lights in the sky or casting occasional glances at the mountaintop, Marco just focusing on driving the sleigh. To Star it felt like they would never make it, every time she looked the mountain still seemed as impossibly far off as before and with every glance her spirits fell more and more, until she was practically sulking. She stayed tightly wrapped in the blanket but it still felt like all the warmth was leaving her body, her heart aching with loss and guilt for causing such a mess. Marco, however, was distracted by the single fact that he had a pretty girl sitting in the sleigh with him. He kept looking over at her, trying to ignore the way she was snuggled up against his side or the fact that his cheeks were hot enough to probably melt ice and instead tried to keep his focus on the path ahead. But it was a losing battle, Star's enchanting form easily more interesting than the snowy hills Nachos was crossing at a breakneck speed. Marco tried to think of something to say to the blond, hoping to strike up some kind of conversation to end the long stretch of silence but no words came to mind. Everything he thought to say only sounded stupid in his overly critical head and when he did try and work up the nerve to speak, he chickened out at the last second. Finally, though it was Star who broke the unending silence saying, "So have you ever been up the North mountain before?" Marco panicked, his tight throat refusing to work properly as he just stared blankly at the girl. Star turned to him in surprise, an eyebrow slowly raising and Marco shouted in his head, she asked you a question, quick say something, anything! "Uhhh y-yeah, so we shouldn't have too much trouble finding your sister," the boy stammered out nervously. "That's good," Star said in clear relief, looking much more like herself again, and Marco felt his body relax down some as he blurted out, "So why'd your sister run away anyways?" Star's smile quickly turned to a frown and Marco wanted to slap himself for upsetting her. You idiot, why'd you bring that up?! He yelled inside his head. "Y-You don't have to answer, I was just curious," the boy quickly added, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly with his free hand. "No, it's okay," Star told him, though her voice was strained and tight as if she was holding back her emotions. The girl sucked in a breath, clearly trying to figure out the right way to put it. "You said something about you two getting into a fight," Marco helpfully supplied, trying to keep his curiosity to a minimum, even though he was burning with unanswered questions. The girl huffed angrily, before saying bitterly, "Yeah I got all mad because she said I couldn't marry Tom and then I pulled off her glove and the next thing I know shes shooting ice across the room!" The girl threw her hands in the air in exasperation. Clearly the girl was harboring some resentment toward her sister. "I mean I know I shouldn't have made her mad, but she was being impossible! She never thinks about what I want! I just wanted her to understand that!!" "Who's Tom?" Marco asked, unable to keep the slightest hint of disappointment out of his voice, though he wasn't sure why. "Hmm, oh he's a guy I met at the ceremony, we hung out for a while and then he asked to marry him and I said yes," the girl said absentmindedly, her thoughts on more pressing matters. "But then Meteora wouldn't give us her blessing because she said I couldn't marry a guy I just met and then I-" "Wait, you were gonna marry him after only knowing him a day?" Marco said in shock, unable to hide his disbelief. "Uhh, yeah, what's the big deal?" Star replied, raising an eyebrow at her companion. "Well I mean, no offense but don't you think maybe you're rushing things a bit," Marco said, trying to be careful of his wording so he wouldn't upset the blond royal. Star scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest before saying firmly, "No. I mean, I spent a whole day with him. I think I know if he's right for me or not." "But how much could really learn about him in a day?" Marco argued. "I know lots of stuff about him,” the blond replied confidently, before ticking each thing off on her fingers as she listed off the many facts about her fiance, “Like he's from the Southern Isles, he has 13 older brothers, his favorite animal is a bunny-” "Look, I know it's not my place but I just don't want to see you putting yourself in a bad situation," Marco told, rubbing the back of his neck. "You're a really nice girl, Star, and some guys take advantage of that." "Tom isn't like that," Star argued. "He's a really good guy." "Even if he is, don't you think maybe you should take a little more time to get to know the guy?” Marco suggested.

Star fumbled for an answer, stuttering as she said, “Wh-What, n-no way?! Tom is the first good thing that has happened to me in a long time and I'm not giving that up.”

Marco looked long and hard at Star for a minute, seeing the bitter loneliness in her eyes, before he asked hesitantly, “Are you sure this is really about Tom?”

Star froze, feeling her heart begin to hammer away in her chest and her mind come to a screeching halt. Her mouth opened but no words came out, as the boy's question rang around in her head for a while. But finally she got a hold of herself,  shaking her head free of her stupor as she replied in a firm, annoyed tone, “L-Look none of that stuff matter, it's true love and that's all I need to know!”

“Okay, okay, I'm sorry,” the boy quickly said as it became obvious he had overstepped his bound. The two sat in silence for a minute, facing forward, unable to meet each other's eye, until finally Marco risked a glance over and saw the girl's face set in a sad frown. He sighed at the mess he had made, before adding in a quiet tone, “I'm not trying to upset you, Star. I just... didn't want you to make the same mistake I did.”

“What?” the blond royal said in surprise, looking over at her companion curiously.

“I thought I was in love with someone once, but it turned out I was just in love with the idea of her and well, we didn't work out. I just don't want to see that happen to you.”

Star was taken aback by the boy's words, the pain in his tone clear as day. It was obviously a painful memory for him. One he had shared willingly with her, when he didn't really have to. And suddenly, she felt a smile rise on her face, her cheeks warming against her will. Marco really was a nice guy. Sure Tom was the guy of her dreams, but there was something just so warm and inviting about the boy in red beside her that she couldn't help but want to be around him, his friendship somehow meaning more to her in that moment than anything else.

So she scooted closer, wrapping her arms around him in a warm hug. She felt him tense in her grip, before slowly relaxing and she laid her head on his shoulder, telling him, “I'm sorry that happened to you, Marco.”

“It's okay, it was a long time ago,” the boy said vaguely, his voice tight as if he was having trouble getting the words out and for some reason he would not tear his eyes away from the path before them. And if that wasn't strange, Star would swear his face was turning red but it might have been a trick of the lantern light.

Star finally removed her arms from the boy's frame, giving him an apologetic grin as she added, “And sorry for being such a pill a minute ago. I guess I'm just a little defensive.”

Marco shook his head. “No, it was my fault for upsetting you,” the boy replied with a warm smile that made Star's insides do flips, although she had no idea why. “Friends?” he offered.

“Friends,” Star agreed with a nod. And just like that the tense atmosphere in the sleigh vanished, leaving behind the same comfortable feeling as before, only this time that feeling felt even stronger, more energized, as if the air itself was filled with sparks of electricity, though Star couldn't quite explain it. And taking advantage of the friendly atmosphere, she cheerfully asked, “So how long till we reach the North Mountain?”

“We should be there by morning,” Marco responded, equally as enthusiastic. “So long as nothing goes wrong before then. These woods can be kinda dangerous.”

Star scoffed, waving a hand as if it was nothing, “Oh don't worry, Marco. I'm sure everything will work out fine.”

As if the universe itself was intent on proving the girl wrong a wolf suddenly appeared out of nowhere, taking advantage of their momentary distraction as it lunged at them, latching onto Marco's arm and pulling him off the sleigh. The boy let out a high-pitched scream as he clattered to the snow, the fast-moving sleigh pulling ahead of him in a second. Star, thinking quickly, grabbed a rope and threw it over to him shouting, “Marco, catch!”

The boy quickly grabbed on just as a pack of at least five wolves began to surround him. He felt the rope go taunt before he was dragged through the snow behind the sleigh. But the wolves were not going to lose their meal that easily, barking and growling as they chased after the teen, biting at him with their sharp teeth while he screamed and dodged them to the best of his ability, moving his legs out of the way as they tried to take bites out of them. “Star, help!” the boy screamed in panic, knowing he could only avoid the wolves' massive fangs for so long.

Star desperately looked around for some kind of idea to help her friend, quickly examining each item in the sleigh when her eyes fell on a large wool blanket. Her gaze then jumped to the lantern hanging on the side of the sleigh, providing a small beacon of light against the unrelenting darkness of the night. “Hang on, Marco! I got an idea!” she yelled over to him, before picking up the blanket and opening the small clasp on the lantern.

“Make it quick!” the boy yelled in reply, still avoiding the sharp fangs lunging at him, the wolves convinced they had their meal on the ropes... literally. It was only a matter of time before they had a tasty human to devour. The wolves all licked their lips at that thought, howling in unison as they all descended on the boy at once, knowing he couldn't dodge them all.

At that exact moment, Star held the now flaming blanket high above her head and screamed at the top of her lungs, “Hey wolves! Leave my friend alone!” Nobody had time to react as the blond threw the blazing blanket toward the unsuspecting wolves as hard as she could, shouting out in late warning, “Marco, duck!”

The boy screamed in fear as he saw a blazing projectile heading right for him and ducked just in time to avoid being burned, the blanket sailing over his head and onto the unfortunate group of wolves, the impact sending all of them tumbling in the snow. The wolves were all left dizzy and disoriented as they stared at the retreating sleigh and their lost meal glumly. Finally after a minute of sulking, their leader reluctantly barked, 'Well, we'll get em next time, guys.'

'Wanna go howl at the moon until we feel better,' another wolf suggested.

The pack all barked their agreements before heading off to their favorite cliff for howling, not one of them realizing their tails were all on fire.

Star, meanwhile, was cheering her victory, pumping her hands in the air as she shouted in surprise, “Wow, that actually worked! I'm even better at this than I thought!”

“Star can you please pull me in?” Marco asked between chattering teeth, the snow starting to seep into his thick layer of clothes, leaving him shaky and cold. And the near-death experience was certainly not helping calm his noisy teeth down any.

“Oh right, I'm on it,” Star said while doing a cute little salute. She quickly grabbed the end of the rope and pulled her friend back over to the sleigh, grunting from the effort. Once he was close enough the boy pulled himself into his seat, sighing with relief as he rested his head against its back, the warmth of the lantern soothing to his cold body as he felt some heat return to his frozen limbs.

“Marco, you okay?” Star asked with concern, placing a hand on his shoulder.

The boy shrugged before replying, “Yeah, I'm good. Thanks to you.” He gave her a tired smile, before adding, “That was really quick thinking back there. I would have been a goner without you.”

Star grinned happily at that, her eyes almost glowing at the praise and the cute look had several of Marco's brain cells short circuit. He was so distracted in fact that it took him a second to realize that it was getting much warmer in the sleigh than it was supposed to be. But when the smell of smoke reached his nostrils, he swerved around, only to stare in horror as the entire back of his sleigh was on fire, the lantern Star had used to ignite the blanket laying haphazardly on the flammable wood.

“Oh no, my stuff!” the boy screamed in panic, looking around for something, anything that could save his supplies. He quickly shrugged off his coat and used it to try and put out the flames, beating it against the burning wood in hopes of somehow stopping his livelihood from going up in smoke.

Star could only watch as her companion worked on extinguishing the flames, biting her lip in concern, unsure what to do to help. Suddenly though she heard Nachos make an odd sound, one that almost seemed like some kind of warning and she looked over to see what was going on, only to feel her heart drop. The two had been so distracted with fighting off wolves and fire that neither of them had paid any attention to steering and now the sleigh was currently barreling toward a ravine. “Uh Marco, we have another problem,” the girl said nervously.

“What now?” the boy asked in exasperation as he looked up from his task.

“We're headed toward a cliff!” the girl responded, pointing over to the incoming danger and the boy followed her gaze and gasped in shock. The fire was quickly forgotten as he grabbed the reigns, trying to correct their course but there wasn't enough time.

“Jump Nachos!” Star shouted to the reindeer.

“Wait, we won't make it!” Marco screamed back.

“Yes we will, we can do this!” Star replied, determination in her voice as she leaned forward.

Marco quickly thought through their options in the few short seconds they had before coming to a decision. He sucked in a breath and wrapped an arm around Star's waist, pulling her close to him, causing her to blush. But he didn't notice as he whipped out a knife from his pocket, cutting the rope connecting Nachos to the sleigh before shouting, “Jump Nachos!” He then leaped forward, pulling Star along with him as the three sailed across the ravine, landing roughly on the other side as a flurry of snow was launched into the air.

For a moment or two, the three travelers just lay buried before the two teens sat up coughing and sputtering as they freed themselves from the snow pile, Nachos just grunting and shaking the snow off her thick fur. Star and Marco panted as they slowly crawled over to the edge of the cliff, looking down the ravine to see the damage done to the sleigh. It had luckily landed on a snowy cliffside and other than a few pieces broken off the wood frame from the fall, the sleigh was still mostly intact. Star grinned before telling her friend, “Well, at least the sleigh is alright, sure it'll take a bit of work to get it back up here but at least it's in one piece.”

Out of nowhere, the sleigh burst into flames, destroying it and everything inside it, in a matter of moments nothing left but charcoal and ash. Star shrank as she watched the sleigh burn feeling guilt eating away at her insides, especially as Marco groaned and shouted in despair, “My stuuufff!” He slammed his head against the ground, letting out muffled cries. “That was everything I own,” he sobbed unhappily.

Star bit her lip as she stared down at the destroyed sleigh, before sighing in defeat. She put a hand on the boy's shoulder before saying in a soft whisper, “I'm sorry about your sleigh, Marco. I-I'll have everything replaced when I get back.” She swallowed thickly, not really wanting to say this next part but she didn't really have any choice. She had caused him enough trouble for one day. “And... you don't have to go with me anymore. I can handle the rest on my own.” She stood up slowly, keeping her head bowed, her eyes covered up by her hair as she whispered quietly, “Sorry for all the trouble.”

The girl then slowly started to walk away, heading in the direction she hoped to be north, the trees blocking the view of the North Mountain at the moment. But she hadn't gotten very far when a voice called out to her, “Wait.” She turned to see Marco stand, giving her a determined look. “I can't let you go alone. I'm coming with you.”

Star's eyes widened in surprise, feeling her heart race at the mere idea of having Marco come with her as she said in joy, “Really?” But she quickly got a hold of herself as she added, “Oh Marco, you don't have to do that.”

“Yes I do,” the boy insisted. “A promise is a promise. I said I was gonna take you to your sister and a Diaz never breaks his word.” He put hand over his heart to demonstrate his resolve, causing Star to giggle a little.

But her grin vanished, rubbing a hand up and down her arm as she said regretfully, “But I ruined your stuff and I made a mess of everything.”

“Yeah,” the boy muttered, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “That was a... bit of a mess but I'm not mad at you. Not like it was your fault.”

“But that wouldn't have happened if you didn't come with me,” Star said, feeling tears form at the corners of her eyes.

Marco saw this and slowly walked over to her, placing both hands on her shoulders as he gave her a kind smile that sent her heart fluttering. “Hey, it was my choice to come with you, okay. I knew the risks and I still want to help. That is, if you'll let me.”

Star stared into his chocolate brown eyes for a moment, feeling a warmth slowly fill her chest, seeing the true resolve that lied behind them. He really did want to help her. Marco was a good guy and a great friend and she felt very thankful to have met someone like him. She felt Nachos nudge her with her nose, trying to convey her own affection for the princess and Star finally smiled, relief washing over her features. She wiped away the stray tears before saying brightly, “Okay then! I'd be happy to have you as my guide.” She then threw her arms around him in a tight hug, resting her head against his chest. “Thanks Marco,” she whispered gratefully.

Marco tensed in surprise at the hug before smiling down at the girl, wrapping his own arms around her slender frame, holding her close as he felt her warmth meld with his own. He chuckled a little before saying, “Your welcome, Star. What are friends for?”

When the two finally parted, bright grins on their faces and slight blushes on their cheeks, the blond royal asked her companion, “So what's the plan now?”

“Well we'll have to go on foot from here, it'll take a little longer but we should be there within a few days,” Marco told her.

“But what about your stuff, I thought we needed that to get up the mountain?” Star asked with slight concern.

The boy shrugged. “We'll just have to get by without it. Been a while since I really roughed it but we should be fine,” he said with a nonchalant wave of his hand, though his eyes conveyed some slight hesitation and concern.

“Well if anyone can get us there, it's you, Mr. Mountain Expert,” Star said, elbowing him playfully in the chest.

“Well I am an expert on many things,” the boy replied, puffing out his chest goofily before the two shared a long, hard laugh. But then the two heard a howl in the distance and clamped both of their mouths shut, covering them with their hands as they shared a fearful look.

“We should probably get moving before we end up as those wolves chew bones,” Marco commented, his voice now a soft whisper.

“Yeah. Totally, totally, totally,” Star replied in an equally quiet tone, her eyes wide with clear concern. But her cheerful demeanor quickly returned as she gave her companion a wink and said teasingly, “Then lead the way, Mr. Expert.”

The boy chuckled again before starting off in the direction of the mountain, his keen extincts helping him identify north almost instantly. Star followed along behind him, skipping with every step, while Nachos made up the rear watching the two kids with a knowing look. She had been with her master since he was a little kid and she had never seen him that happy in his life and the frequent looks that passed between the two had the reindeer excited. It was clear that the two were becoming close and although she didn't want to jump to any conclusions, she had a feeling she knew where this was going. But she would just have to wait to find out.

...

Morning came quickly enough, much to the three travelers' relief, since their long trek on foot would be much easier without the worry of being eaten alive by wolves or other nighttime predators. The group was now in the middle of some dense forest, which seemed to shine with otherworldly beauty as the freshly fallen snow made the whole place glow in the sunlight. The trees themselves were lined in white and the long vines that hung from them had turned to ice, creating thousands of frozen crystals for the group to walk through. Star and Marco gazed around in wonder, Star feeling like they had just entered into a page from a storybook. And Star briefly wondered if they were even allowed in there, like they were intruding on some hidden world, one no human was permitted into. A sudden sadness came over the girl, as she asked Marco softly, "'Do you think... Meteora had something to do with this?" Marco looked over to Star in surprise but, seeing the look in her eyes, he just gave her a sympathetic smile, opening his mouth to try and comfort her, only for a loud voice to blurt out over him, "Did you just say Meteora?!" The two teens jumped in surprise, immediately turning to try and spot the owner of the voice. "Who's there?" Marco asked, now on high alert, putting an arm up in front of Star to try and guard her from the unknown stranger. Star looked around in confusion trying to remember where she had heard that voice before, something about it oddly... familiar. And how did they know her sister's name? Star frowned, biting her lip, only to freeze as she heard a throat clear next to her. The blond's gaze slowly lowered, till she found herself staring at an odd looking snowman. It looked half finished for some reason, like whomever had made it had given up halfway, lacking either arms or a nose. While at the same time it was intricately detailed, features flawlessly crafted into its frosty form. But the weirdest thing of all was that it almost seemed to be... looking at her. And then, to Star's disbelief, the snowman smiled at her, saying pleasantly, "Hey there." Star screamed in panic, instinctively kicking the snowman's head and sending it flying. Marco, at the same time, turned at the sound of his companion's screams, and saw something white spiraling toward him. Without thinking, he reached out his hands and caught the object, giving Star a confused look. Was now really the time for a snowball fight? That was until he looked down and actually saw what he was holding, the smiling face of a living snowman causing his eyes to grow wide. "Wow that was a real close one, thanks for catching me-" the snowman began, only for Marco to scream, too. The boy in red dropped the head and stumbled back in fright, the snowman making a muffled oof as his face hit the snow. The two teens were still yelling as they watched the snowman's body beginning to stumble around looking for its missing head. "O-Okay no worries, I got it," the snowman head said in a confident tone, before trying to direct his body over to him, the two teens and reindeer watching the whole thing, startled. "U-Uh, over here. No, a little to your left. Yeah, just a little bit closer. That's it." Finally, the body reached its head, before immediately tripping over it and landing flat in the snow. Star and Marco shared disturbed expressions as they watched the poor snowman's body flip around in the snow, struggling to stand without arms. After a moment, Star took pity on the bizarre creature, and hesitantly approached it, Marco raising a hand up as if to weakly try and stop her. The blond didn't seem to notice him though as she just said softly, "Here, let me help." Star pulled the body into a sitting position, before lifting the head and  plopping it onto its snowy shoulders. Marco watched the girl quizzically and nervously the whole time, biting his lip to keep from blurting out a pointless warning. The thing was weird, but far from dangerous. "Oh wow, thanks so much!" The snowman said pleasantly once his head was firmly reattached to his body. "Uh sure, no problem," Star said, trying to hide her awkwardness with a small smile. "Mr. Talking Snowman." "Oh you can call me Doop Doop the Snowman!" The snowy creature replied. Star's eyes widened as a spark of recognition went through her mind, a fuzzy memory tingling the back of her mind. "Wait, Doop Doop?" "U-Uh yeah, that's my name," Doop Doop replied in confusion. "That's right! I remember you!" Star exclaimed, a wide smile on her face at the forgotten memory. "You do?" Marco asked skeptically. "Yeah! Me and Meteora used to name all our snowmen Doop Doop when we were kids!" Star explained. "Oh hey! What a coincidence, that's what Meteora named me!" Doop Doop shouted. Star gasped. "Wait, she did?! That's awesome!" "Your sister can make sentient snowmen?" Marco asked and Star shrugged. "Apparently," the blond replied, sounding equally as surprised. "Buuutt who cares!  This is great for us." She turned her attention to Doop Doop and asked, "Doop Doop, do you know where my sister is right now?" "Heck yeah, I do. She's up on the mountain in the ice castle," Doop Doop explained. "Ice castle?" Marco muttered under his breath. Star, however, squealed in joy, shouting over to her companion. "You here that Marco, we finally know she is!" Marco gave his friend a wain smile, only to suddenly realize something, asking the snowman, "Wait, if Meteora's on top of the mountain than how did you get all the way down here?" "Oh I was looking for my arms," Doop Doop explained. "Your arms?" The two teens said as one. "Yeah, they ran away from me again," Doop Doop explained. "Your arms... ran away," Marco said skeptically. "Uh huh, you haven't seen them around  have you?" Doop Doop asked. Star and Marco shared a look, before shaking their heads. "Uhhh, no. Don't think so," Star replied, looking as confused as her companion. "Okay, well let me know if you do," the snowman continued, turning to walk away. "I better get looking for them again-" "Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait," Star called out to him putting a gloved hand on his shoulder. "We were actually hoping to get some help, since we're not sure where my sister is exactly." Doop Doop stared at them for a second before saying, "Yes you do, she's in the ice castle just like I told you," The snowman replied innocently. "And where is the ice castle?" Marco tried. "On top of the North Mountain!" Marco face-palmed, while Star said in the calmest tone she could, fighting back her own frustration, "What Marco means is we need someone to take us up there." Doop Doop just stared at her blankly. “Like a guide,” she added in a hinting tone. "Oh well, I hope you find someone soon!" Doop Doop said obliviously, shuffling slowly away from the two again.

Star's face fell, watching sadly as her one hope of finding Meteora walked away, Marco putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. But suddenly Doop Doop gasped, turning to them and exclaiming, "Oh hey, I just had a great idea, why don't I take you to her!" Marco face-palmed again, shaking his head in disbelief, while Star's face lit up with joy. "Really?!" she shouted. "Oh thank you so much!" She quickly ran over to hug the snowman, practically squealing with excitement as she lifted him off the ground. "Well sure, who knows maybe I can get her to make me new arms when we get there," Doop Doop said hopefully.

"Uhh, maybe," Star replied with a shrug, setting him carefully back down. "Then follow me! I know a shortcut up!" Doop Doop said shuffling away quickly and Star cheered, starting to follow after him. But she was stopped as Marco put a hand on her shoulder, asking, "Uhh, Star don't you think you're forgetting an obvious problem here?" "What's that?" The blond asked curiously, cocking her head naively to the side. "The fact that snow tends to melt in summer," Marco replied quietly, tilting his head in the snowman's direction. Star looked over in the direction the snowman had gone, muttering, "Ooohh." She thought about her response to that for a few seconds before finally shrugging, telling her friend, "Eh, I'm sure it'll be fine. Who knows maybe my sister can make snow that doesn't melt or something?" "I don't know, Star. That seem like a pretty big 'if'," Marco pointed out. "Well, she can apparently make living snow so who knows what she can do," Star argued. "We don't!" Marco exclaimed in exasperation. "That's the whole problem!" "Hey where'd you guys go! We going to the ice castle or not?" Came Doop Doop's call. "Coming!" Star shouted back, before turning to her friend and saying, "Don't worry, Marco. I'm sure everything will work out fine." "That's what you said right before we got attacked by wolves," Marco responded but the girl was already walking away. She cupped a hand over her ear while walking backwards. "Hmm, what's that? I can't hear you from so far away," the blond said on a sing-song voice. Marco just let out a deep sigh, turning to his trusty reindeer with a tired look. "Why I am the only voice of reason around here, Nachos?" The reindeer nuzzled her head against his hand to let him know she understood and Marco gave her a quick pet on the head in response. "Marco, hurry up! We have to save summer!" came Star's scream and both Marco and Nachos smiled. This crazy blond was really starting to rub off on them. "What are we going to do with her?" The boy jokingly commented. Nachos however, just grunted knowingly. Her suspicions of his growing feelings becoming more and more apparent with every passing second. "Come on, girl, we better catch up to them before they get themselves in anymore trouble,” the boy said to his trusty stead.

And the two did just that, brushing past the hanging vines of crystallized ice, leaving the hidden world of the frozen forest to it's own devices, the only trace left behind being four pairs of footprints, all headed north.

#Star vs #Star vs AU #My Writing #Star is a Disney Princess #Star is Anna #Starco

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

OT3FIC: Galentine’s Day

Watching from the bar over the top of her glass as she watched the pair banter back and forth - a hand tossing hair back here, another hand rubbing over the top of the other’s there -  Abigail felt a true sense of achievement and happiness at switching out the original plan.

---

When Shada had suggested a Girl’s weekend for the three of them - all single and well and truly wanting to avoid how sickeningly sweet Abigail’s new family could be - she’d jumped at the idea to get out of the house, give them some private time and also bond with her quasi-aunts who felt more like potential best friends she would never have to hide her past from.

Ombre had been so giddy, spinning about the hotel lobby crazily when Abigail’s taxi had pulled up and she’d entered. The blonde had been running about from place to place, speaking rapidly in French over and over exclaiming over this shiny object or that vase of flowers and taking photo after photo of everything and herself like she did every day. Abigail had laughed when she’d first been asked to see the blonde shadow’s Instagram account and had since spent forever laughing at both the goofy images of the other woman and the endless number of comments asking how a young woman like her could live the life she could that never got answered.

Abigail had been swept up in a hug immediately, and a pair of sunglasses slid over her eyes before the blonde took a snap kissing her cheeks, the color rising to a bright pink to match the bright pink lipstick left on the apple as the blonde span away with a squeal at an older woman walking past with a tiny toy poodle.

“I see Ombre caught you first.” The older shadow said with a laugh, the warm honey sound that Abigail could pick out of a crowd these days the same as any of her adoptive family. She rubbed at her cheek nervously, wiping the lipstick off as she slid her sunglasses onto the top of her head as she turned to greet the mastermind of the original weekend plans. “Hey Abby, how did you go getting here?”

“Not bad. Easy enough to get a taxi from the cinema.” “Oh good! I would have taken you with me-” “But you know I’m not a fan of your mode of travel.”

“Exactly. Can’t have you getting motion sickness in the first hour of the night!” Shada exclaimed in agreement, nodding as she pulled back from the tight hug she’d pulled the other into, and Abigail smiled back at the other. The shadow really was very accommodating, and she always seemed to focus on what was best and important for others. The same as Abigail knew the plan for the weekend was to get herself more comfortable in crowds with the comfort and support of the two shadows, as well as to give the trio back home to privacy for their fun. It was a shame, as she always thought, that the dark-haired beauty had no luck in finding someone who could appreciate how lovely she was. “Besides, we’ve got an amazing suite for tonight, and massages and a makeup artist and hairstylist and just an overall pamper session planned for tonight. I wouldn’t want you feeling unwell and miss it.”

“So, that’s the plan for this evening. What’s the rest of the weekend?” Abigail asked as she was guided along towards the gilded elevator as Ombre span about and twirled in her skirt with her phone recording in front of them and behind the two brunettes were two porters pushing a trolley loaded with bags that included Abigail’s one suitcase for the few days. “Are we staying put or-”

“Oh Abs, we’ve got plans to go to the beach for a few hours of sunbathing, and then Ombre wanted to go to some restaurant-” “Let me guess, its French?” “How did you guess? Anyhow, dinner for three and then perhaps some flirting at a cocktail party that we weren’t invited to.”

The brunette girl let out a laugh at the last one, shaking her head as the elevator closed behind them and the bellhop pressed the button for the penthouse suite. Abigail didn’t want to think how much this weekend was costing. Not the shadows and not her, but every place they were likely to go. It was something she would have once found unsettling and distasteful - her father’s frugality would cause him to shake his head at the excesses around her as the trio and the bag-man moved off of the elevator on the top floor; Hannibal would find the literal theft to be rude, and the few times the shadows had shown up laden with bags for themselves, Jo and Abigail the looks on Will’s face echoed those of her father - but after the way that the world had turned on her over her father’s factions and her fear? She no longer cared that the lavish surroundings and luxurious fabrics were essentially grasped without permission for the three of them this weekend.

“Your room is this way, miss.” The hotel worker spoke quietly, turning down one of the long halls from the elevator entry, and Abigail followed after him quietly while the other two girls made their way around the main living space of the suite and unpacking bags upon bags of something around the place.

Abigail settled in quickly, and the man left without even waiting for a tip with the same slightly glossy look that Abigail once remembered had covered her own eyes from a completely different form of manipulation. Her bags unpacked, the warm flannel sleep pants and t-shirt that Jo brought her for Christmas last year with a hunter's scope emblazoned across the front switched into, and her hair pulled into a messy bun before she looked out the windows of her suite with a sigh. Life had certainly changed.

---

The makeup artist had been phenomenal and there for hours, working in conjunction with the hairdresser to do look after look based off of anything any of the girls thought of. Their every whim was suddenly transformed, and Abigail had found herself sighing repeatedly at the sheer number of photos being taken around them as a waiter continued to refill the snack bowls with fresh fruit and dipping sauces, waffle slices to be slathered in fruit and syrup, and the cheese platter that Abigail knew was all types of French only cheeses specifically chosen for the youngest of them. There was music playing and Shada even initiated a brief dance competition with the stylists and the sisters for Abigail and the very pretty redheaded waiter to pick out of.

As the hour closed towards midnight, the makeup artist and hairstylist were finally sent on their way - eyes glassy but at Abigail’s request their purses filled with cash - and the waitress finally produced bowls of popcorn and refilled the snacks section one last time before leaving in much the same way. Abigail had watched sadly, trying not to stare obviously, as the young woman left without even a glance behind her with the same dull look as the rest.

“Oh Abby, don’t worry - I’ll make sure not to make her forget about seeing us at breakfast in the morning.” Shada piped up from her spot on the chaise section of the lounge, laid out and gorgeous in a way that would have made the brunette girl flush to see in the short lacy black and purple nightie if she was still nursing that awkward crush on her like a few months ago. “Perhaps we can even see about if she gets the night off tomorrow-”

“Shada!” “Oh oh, does mon petit ami have an interest in the jolie serveuse?” “Yes, Ombre, she does have a little crush on our waitress!” “Shada!”

The two shadows giggled conspiratorially as Abigail felt her cheeks heating up more and more, and watching the two’s gigglings soon had her joining in even as she found herself shaking her head ruefully before deciding to flip the tables on both.

“At least I’m woman enough to acknowledge it. What about you two!” Abigail cried back, pointing a French manicured finger at each of the now surprised shadows. “I get Ombre’s still very young and not quite looking yet-”

“Hey!” “You better not be, little sister, you’re far too young for boys and girls and all that nonsense.” “But-”

“But what about you, Shada?” Abigail interrupted and continued, staring back at the startled and then shifting to uncertain look on the other woman’s face. It was something Abigail found most interesting about the shadow, just how expressive her face was when she’d heard from Jo over a late-night drink that it was a learned behavior rather than one born of growing into it, but blinking unphased at the slightly sad shift to the woman’s face she didn’t want to back down right now. “You’re beautiful, you’re loving, and you’re far more caring and good-natured than a lot of people I know. There’s no reason you should be isolating yourself like you do, and avoiding the opportunities that come your way.”

“I don’t-” Shada began responding, rising in a sharp jerk from the previously relaxed and languid position she had draped herself across the couch in, eyes darting from the fiercely loving one’s of Abigail’s into the curious concern from Ombre. “I don’t avoid opportunities.”

“It’s fucking Valentine’s weekend, Shada,” the brunette girl responded, leaning forward across the small gap between their chairs to rest a pale hand atop the tanned and slightly shaking one of the other. “You deserve to have something special this weekend.”

There was a sharp inhalation of breath, before the sad look that flashed across the dark-haired beauty’s face suddenly swirled and twisted into one of happiness looking back and forth between the other two women. Abigail thought she might have pressed too hard, or said something too rough for a second before a tan arm was wrapped around her neck and she was jerked forward from her chair in a fierce hug, smooshed against the blonde’s side as the eldest of the three dragged them into a bear hug.

“Don’t you see, Abby?” Shada said softly, rocking the trio back and forth a little as she let out a small hiccup of a giggle. “I already have something special this weekend. I’m getting to spend it with my best friends.”

---

That hadn’t been explanation enough for Abigail though, and after Ombre had cried some and waxed poetically as she sipped on what the brunette was beginning to suspect had been spiked cherry juice rather than just the tart-sweet juice the girl liked so much, and after Shada had scurried off with the blonde in tow to get some giant bubble bath or hot tub or something along those lines from the high pitched giggling that Abigail had struggled to understand though, she found herself sneaking off back to her own bedroom for a moments peace.

A moment's peace to call the one person she knew would be able to come up with a solution and answer to the ideas that were bubbling up in her mind.

The first call went unanswered, and glancing at the clock, Abigail bit her lip uncertain if she should try again. They were probably back from dinner, or maybe just driving home, so perhaps it would be the worst time to call them given just how active she’d found they could be left to their own devices the few times she’d made it home earlier than expected or that week her noise-canceling headphones have broken and she didn’t want to bother anyone about getting her some more when she’d only been home for a few weeks. But if she left it any later, it would have to wait until morning - and that was far too late to be able to do anything about it.

Calling again, Abigail sighed quietly to herself hearing the tinny voice through the other end of the phone.

“Sugar, what’s wrong?!” “Nothing’s wrong, Jo, I’m okay.” “You’re fine? You’re sure?” “Yes, I’m good. I promise. You don’t need to sound so worried.” “Yes, you scared me-”

Abigail let out an audible sigh at that, smiling ruefully to herself as she moved to sit down on the end of her bed, looking out the window at the black night's sky and the twinkling lights of the city around her. Trust Jo to have jumped to the worst possible conclusion. All three of them were so protective of her, ever since she’d been driven up the driveway the first time and felt Will’s arms wrap around her. It had been a learning curve for all four of them to work out how to live together and just breathe when the others were away from home after her escape from Hannibal’s capture, but the inability to truly pin the doctor’s crimes on him made all three older adults jumpy if Abigail was away from home for too long without checking in. Or in this case, checking in earlier than expected.

“I’m fine, I just had something I wanted to ask you about. If it’s a good time-” “No, it’s okay now. Why are you calling?”

She wasn’t sure how to start but found herself quickly blurting out the first thing that came to mind. “I’m trying to get Shada a date for the weekend, or a treat that actually isn’t all fake. And I just don’t know where to start.”

There was a long pause, before the tone through the phone turned slightly wicked and amused, the humor running through the woman’s voice that Abigail somehow knew she was smirking slightly to herself in glee. “Oh, yeah, sure. I can help with that.”

---

And help Jo did.

It wasn’t a jump at all for the blonde to suggest the man Abigail was now watching flirt a little too obnoxiously with the dark-haired woman. In fact, it was the first and only person that Jo had said that they should try to get the shadow access to over the weekend. If she had been trying to organize it herself, she never would have thought of the hunter - him being a hunter and all, and the way he would sometimes scowl a little too harshly towards Grey the few times the brothers had visited the farm since Abigail arrived, and the way he seemed just a little too gruff and rough around the edges from Shada’s own polished and sophisticated ways - but Jo was adamant he was the perfect person to spice up the weekend for the shadow without the secrecy that other men in random clubs would entail. Without the falsehood of making up a fake job, or talking about fake family members, or even just not talking about herself at all.

Watching the two, Dean’s hand laid firmly atop the back of the barstool Shada was perched in, and the way the shadow’s legs were crossed at the knee and pointed and pressing firmly against the man’s torso, she knew immediately that this had been the right call. The way if Abigail lent a little further back to the side she could see the thumb of his hand stroking against the open patch of skin at the back of the dark-haired woman’s backless dress. And hilariously enough, the way that the much taller brother came walking over with a tray of drinks for the remaining three in their little sequestered booth - a rum and coke for her, a Shirley Temple for Ombre who was still busy taking photos of herself and the thin gold chains that made up the privacy breaks between them and the next booth, and a gin and tonic for himself - to say quietly, “You know, whoever thought of this was a genius.”

“You mean bars or for that?” The dark-haired girl replied, jerking her head towards the bar where she could see Shada tossing her hair back with a laugh she couldn’t hear over the crowd to be immediately set back in place behind her ear by the hunter’s other hand. Abigail smirked a small smirk to herself as she could see the color darkening in the shadow’s cheeks before she seemed to giggle over something else. “Because I can’t take credit for either entirely.”

“You mean you’re not centuries-old and created the concept of drinking ale in a tavern?” “Unfortunately not!” “Ah, too bad. I’d have had so many questions about how to draw a pint from one of those old casks.”

Abigail laughed to herself at the joke, shaking her head as Sam relaxed into the other side of the booth all by himself. She was surprised as usual how much space one man could take up and glanced back across at the pair they were spying on as surreptitiously as possible as she took a sip of her drink. “Too bad indeed. I can’t even take credit for the idea to get you and Dean here tonight-”

“Yeah, I figured the frantic late-night call last night was not your own thought process,” Sam replied, leaning forward to see past some of the gold draping chains to watch his brother and the shadow flirting up a storm, a small smirk in place. “Jo?”

“Definitely all her idea. Or at least, the idea that, uh, Dean might be a good, um-” Abigail trailed off, not sure exactly how comfortable she was suggesting she’d been trying to use the man across from her’s brother as a stud for her friend until she caught the wicked grin on the other’s face. “Well, she thought they would match well together. Or something.”

“Or something.” Sam parroted back, sinking back in his seat with a shake of his head and an uncomfortable look on his face.  Abigail spotted the cause of it immediately, as she noticed Dean crowded a little closer to the other’s stool, if that was even possible, and his hand had moved fully off of the chair’s back and onto the exposed skin of the lithe woman’s lower back while Shada had a hand stroking behind his ear as they continued to talk about whatever it was they were clearly faking an interest in. “You know why she’s done it, right?”

The question threw her off, looking in confusion across at the other as the booth seat next to her dipped and rose a little as Ombre chirped quietly that she wanted to check the lighting in the bathroom and disappeared into the swell of bodies in a way that seemed entirely unnatural for a girl as tall as her. If she wasn’t back after half an hour, Abigail would need to go look for her, but the shadow was good at keeping out of trouble and taking out any trouble that did come her way. Instead, it left her mind whirling around what on earth the hunter across from her, sipping at his drink pensively, could mean.

“Why?” “Yes, why. Why Jo thought those two would flirt up a storm, potentially even disappear up to one of those hotel rooms you girls have-” “We got a suite actually.” “Well then, disappear up to there, and have themselves a good time. Why she thought that.”

Abigail frowned to herself at that, tilting her head slightly to look back at the pair who very much looked like a loved up couple from the outside or if not that, then an exceptionally good looking pair that had just met and were radiating out from them that nobody else should dare to approach either party despite the many other men giving Shada the once over and the few women nearby that ran an eye across Dean’s back as well. They looked like something out of a movie, where a man orders a drink and looks to his left to see the woman of his dreams sat right there - or perhaps more aptly the woman of his dreams for that night. And from the sultry eyes she could see the shadow directing towards the hunter, Abigail figured that was exactly where they were headed as she watched the dark-haired girl slide off of the barstool, Dean’s hand now firmly held in hers as they weaved towards the cocktail bar’s exit.

“Okay, I can’t think of it.” “It’s because of what Shada is, and what Dean is.” “Huh?”

Sam took another long sip of his drink, his eyes moving from the doorway that his brother had just disappeared out of towards her own wide-eyed blues, a look on his face that Abigail had never seen before. Something between anger, appreciation, and longing that she knew had nothing to do with her.

“Shada, as you know, isn’t human. And Dean has always had objections to the mixing of humans and those who aren’t. Like Grey and-” Sam spoke softly, swirling his drink in his hand, the lime and ice cube spinning gently around the crystal, as he bit the corner of his lip thoughtfully. “Jo and Will. Like Bobby and this woman he was once with. Like... Like me and Ruby.”

She found herself frowning at that, not recognizing the name at all, and reconciling that perhaps this explained how harsh Dean was sometimes to the man who was so sweet and kind and forgiving. To the man that was nothing but polite to the hunter every time that he was around, despite the almost hostile reactions that would sometimes follow him before Jo would chime up with ‘Bad hunt? Let’s talk’ and draw him away. It wasn’t always, and it was barely even often anymore, but it had still been there enough that Abigail had always wondered if he was an exception compared to Jo and his brother Sam, or if he was more the rule and Jo and Sam were the odd ducks out.

“So.. she suggested Dean to...” Abigail started, a small frown of her own forming as she realized she might have just been included and played in a game of Jo’s own matchmaking or scheming. “To make him more okay with Grey’s relationships?”

“Sort of. Though I think it was also possibly in order to make Dean more comfortable with the idea of that sort of relationship for himself.” “What?” “It’s a long story, but if he keeps up his prejudices then he’s going to miss out on the love of his life.” “I hardly think-” “Not Shada, Abby, but someone else. He’s got enough issues working through the fact it’s a guy, I think Jo might be trying to pull the non-human bandaid off with Shada’s help.”

“Well, that’s just using Shada!” Abigail jerked upright in her seat, affronted to have been played and manipulated all over again by someone she thought she trusted, blinking her eyes a few times as she tried not to let the prick of teas she could feel starting up fall. “That’s just-”

“Shada is a big girl, and I expect it’s going to take Dean a long while to work out his feelings. She’s also a lot better and more willing to read people, Abs, than Grey is.” Sam said soothingly, reaching across a large hand to rest against hers on the tabletop. “Shada will be absolutely aware that there will one day be an expiration date on this, but she gets to have some fun, she gets to be with someone kind and respectful in the meantime, and she gets to help her brother out as well.”

Abigail found herself shaking her head a few times, trying to see past the tears and think as calmly as she could. Sam was right, she knew that. And she knew that Jo loved Shada very very much and wouldn’t have said anything that might have hurt her. But it just stung a little that perhaps she, herself, hadn’t been let in on the larger planning but even then, she knew she didn’t know everything there was about the hunter and his history - so it made sense. She just wished there was a way to know that Jo wasn’t trying to hurt Shada, or herself, with her idea.

That was right up until her phone buzzed, and pulling it out of her pocket, Abigail felt her cheeks flaring up as she read the message flashing up on the screen -  Jo ‘Hey, hope everything is going to plan! You’re so sweet to want to help Shada like this, I’m so glad we’ve got each other to help her now.   PS - the name is Felicity and she finishes at 10pm, so get out to the lobby!’

Frowning at the last bit, Abigail looked up as she looked up at the blonde shadow’s return, Ombre looking far too innocent and sweet and a little out of breath that could not have been all from going to the bathroom and taking a million selfies. There was a second before she felt the other girl’s hand wrap around her forearm and tug her up.

“Abby, mon petit ami, I have a surprise for you in the lobby!” Ombre’s voice was the same sing-song tone she would get whenever she was being crafty or up to something that was sprinkled with mischief, and looking at her phone again, Abigail found herself smiling as she realized that Shada wasn’t the only one getting a set up that evening. Though she expected that the other brunette was well and truly having a much more scandalous ending than her own.

#abigailpov #ot3 grey/jo/will fic

[stephenmccull]

A Year Into the Pandemic, Three Huge Losses in One Family

In the year since the World Health Organization declared a global pandemic, millions of families have endured the excruciating rise and fall of the U.S. outbreak — waves of sickness that leave untold wounds long after hospitalizations ebb and infections subside.

This story also ran on NPR. It can be republished for free.

Some have borne the tragedy more than others, with multiple family members lost to covid-19 in a matter of months.

For the Aldaco family of Phoenix, it has shattered a generation of brothers.

All three men — Jose, Heriberto Jr. and Gonzalo Aldaco — were lost to covid, each at different moments in the pandemic: first in July, then December, and finally last month.

Their deaths are now among more than 530,000 in the United States, where, even as millions are vaccinated, the virus still leaves families grieving the new loss of a loved one each day.

“Those three men, they drove the family. They were like the strong pillars, the bones of the family. And now they’re all gone,” said Miguel Lerma, 31, whose grandfather Jose Aldaco raised him as his own son.

To Lerma, their deaths feel like an epic American story of resilience, courage and hard work cut short. All three came to the U.S. from Mexico and over the decades made it home for their families.

“They literally showed that you can come from nothing and struggle through all that and still build a life for yourself and your kids,” said Lerma. “It just upsets me this is the way their story has to end.”

Jose’s daughter Brenda Aldaco said that, with so many Americans gone, the magnitude of each death and its reverberations are profound.

“When you really think about each single person, each person individually, what did that person mean to someone? It’s just overwhelming. It’s overwhelming,” she said.

A Family ‘Ready to Create Memories’

Jose Aldaco, 69 when he died, arrived in the Southwest in the early ’80s when Brenda was still an infant, following his sister, Delia, and older brother, Gonzalo, who had both left Mexico not long before him.

“They came out here for a better opportunity — I don’t even want to say a more comfortable life — but a more attainable, elevated life than what they had,” said Priscilla Gomez, Jose’s niece and Delia’s daughter.

Gomez thinks of all three uncles as central figures — symbols of strength — for her and the entire extended family.

“They were so consistent, the most consistent male figures for me,” said Gomez.

Big family gatherings were a staple of life in the Aldaco households.

“Those three men, when they were in the same room, it was just a good time,” said Lerma, a dance teacher in Phoenix.

Reunions and holidays often evolved into joyous, music-filled events, where Gonzalo, the oldest, would pull out the guitar and the family would dance and sing together till the early hours of the morning.

“If it was someone’s birthday, they would sing ‘Las Mañanitas.’ … They were just always ready to create memories for us,” recalled Gomez.

Lerma said what Jose cultivated most of all was a family where love and affection was the main currency. “He’s the one who taught us to be so amorous,” said Lerma. “He was that warmth. He was that love for us.”

Wave After Wave in Arizona

After a calm spring, the pandemic hit Arizona with terrifying force — the first of two waves that would rip through a state where pandemic precautions were slow to come and quick to disappear. Lerma said his family heeded the warnings.

“We were a family that accepted the pandemic was real,” he said. “We did take it seriously.”

Jose and his wife, Virginia, lived at their daughter Brenda’s house, where they helped raise their teenage grandson.

Brenda’s father worked a few days a week at his job in a hotel restaurant, but was mostly retired. “He was perfectly able — doing yardwork, cooking every day, jogging three times a week at the park,” said Brenda.

Despite the family’s effort to stay safe, the virus found a way into their household that summer. Jose was the first to get sick, but soon all four were ill and isolating in their bedrooms.

They waited on test results. Both elders were getting worse. When the bedroom door was open, Brenda’s son would hear his grandfather.

“My son would say, ‘Mom, Abuelo doesn’t sound good. … He sounds like he’s dying,’” recalled Brenda.

She felt paralyzed, though. Her mother was adamant that she didn’t want him to go to the hospital.

Eventually, Lerma, who lives separately and did not have covid, put on a mask and came to coax Virginia and Jose to go to the hospital. Lerma found Jose lying in bed, covered in a sheet, with a sky-high fever.

“He was forcing fast breaths to try to get any air that he could into his lungs,” said Lerma. “That’s when I started freaking out and losing it.”

Virginia and Jose were admitted to the hospital. A few days later, Virginia was doing well enough to go home, but Jose’s condition only got worse.

The last time Lerma saw him it was over FaceTime, while Jose was being wheeled through the hospital to be put on life support. “Losing my dad, this is what heartbreak is,” said Lerma. “This is what the sad songs are about.”

Three Brothers — ‘Family Men’ — Gone

By the time of Jose’s death, the virus had already killed about 150,000 Americans. Like so many other families, the Aldacos were not able to have a proper funeral.

“It felt like his death was just brushed under the rug, like he’s just another statistic,” said Lerma.

Priscilla Gomez said she’ll never forget hearing her mother take the phone call when she learned of her brother’s death.

“To not be there in-person to comfort them or to hold them up when they feel like they just want to throw themselves on the ground and just sob … you feel completely helpless,” she said.

As the pandemic stretched into the winter months, a new wave of infections and deaths gripped Arizona and much of the rest of the U.S. By late December, the total U.S death toll had surpassed 300,000, and Heriberto Aldaco Jr. — the youngest, in his late 50s — was now also hospitalized with covid.

“You think you’ve gone to a particular point in your grieving, and then it’s not done — here it comes again. … Now my dad’s baby brother is sick,” said Brenda Aldaco. “Then he passes away.”

Less than two months later, yet more shattering news would come to the family.

The last remaining brother, Gonzalo Aldaco, the eldest in his early 70s, was hospitalized with covid. He died in February.

Brenda Aldaco described her father and uncles as above all else “family men.”

“They were totally and completely devoted to the people they loved — always present, always someone you could rely on,” she said.

Sometimes, she still expects her father to come home from the hospital: “It was just hard for me to even grasp the concept of ‘He’s gone’… that the three of them are now gone and under the same circumstances and within a period of six months.”

This story is from a reporting partnership between NPR and KHN.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

A Year Into the Pandemic, Three Huge Losses in One Family published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[gordonwilliamsweb]

A Year Into the Pandemic, Three Huge Losses in One Family

In the year since the World Health Organization declared a global pandemic, millions of families have endured the excruciating rise and fall of the U.S. outbreak — waves of sickness that leave untold wounds long after hospitalizations ebb and infections subside.

This story also ran on NPR. It can be republished for free.

Some have borne the tragedy more than others, with multiple family members lost to covid-19 in a matter of months.

For the Aldaco family of Phoenix, it has shattered a generation of brothers.

All three men — Jose, Heriberto Jr. and Gonzalo Aldaco — were lost to covid, each at different moments in the pandemic: first in July, then December, and finally last month.

Their deaths are now among more than 530,000 in the United States, where, even as millions are vaccinated, the virus still leaves families grieving the new loss of a loved one each day.

“Those three men, they drove the family. They were like the strong pillars, the bones of the family. And now they’re all gone,” said Miguel Lerma, 31, whose grandfather Jose Aldaco raised him as his own son.

To Lerma, their deaths feel like an epic American story of resilience, courage and hard work cut short. All three came to the U.S. from Mexico and over the decades made it home for their families.

“They literally showed that you can come from nothing and struggle through all that and still build a life for yourself and your kids,” said Lerma. “It just upsets me this is the way their story has to end.”

Jose’s daughter Brenda Aldaco said that, with so many Americans gone, the magnitude of each death and its reverberations are profound.

“When you really think about each single person, each person individually, what did that person mean to someone? It’s just overwhelming. It’s overwhelming,” she said.

A Family ‘Ready to Create Memories’

Jose Aldaco, 69 when he died, arrived in the Southwest in the early ’80s when Brenda was still an infant, following his sister, Delia, and older brother, Gonzalo, who had both left Mexico not long before him.

“They came out here for a better opportunity — I don’t even want to say a more comfortable life — but a more attainable, elevated life than what they had,” said Priscilla Gomez, Jose’s niece and Delia’s daughter.

Gomez thinks of all three uncles as central figures — symbols of strength — for her and the entire extended family.

“They were so consistent, the most consistent male figures for me,” said Gomez.

Big family gatherings were a staple of life in the Aldaco households.

“Those three men, when they were in the same room, it was just a good time,” said Lerma, a dance teacher in Phoenix.

Reunions and holidays often evolved into joyous, music-filled events, where Gonzalo, the oldest, would pull out the guitar and the family would dance and sing together till the early hours of the morning.

“If it was someone’s birthday, they would sing ‘Las Mañanitas.’ … They were just always ready to create memories for us,” recalled Gomez.

Lerma said what Jose cultivated most of all was a family where love and affection was the main currency. “He’s the one who taught us to be so amorous,” said Lerma. “He was that warmth. He was that love for us.”

Wave After Wave in Arizona

After a calm spring, the pandemic hit Arizona with terrifying force — the first of two waves that would rip through a state where pandemic precautions were slow to come and quick to disappear. Lerma said his family heeded the warnings.

“We were a family that accepted the pandemic was real,” he said. “We did take it seriously.”

Jose and his wife, Virginia, lived at their daughter Brenda’s house, where they helped raise their teenage grandson.

Brenda’s father worked a few days a week at his job in a hotel restaurant, but was mostly retired. “He was perfectly able — doing yardwork, cooking every day, jogging three times a week at the park,” said Brenda.

Despite the family’s effort to stay safe, the virus found a way into their household that summer. Jose was the first to get sick, but soon all four were ill and isolating in their bedrooms.

They waited on test results. Both elders were getting worse. When the bedroom door was open, Brenda’s son would hear his grandfather.

“My son would say, ‘Mom, Abuelo doesn’t sound good. … He sounds like he’s dying,’” recalled Brenda.

She felt paralyzed, though. Her mother was adamant that she didn’t want him to go to the hospital.

Eventually, Lerma, who lives separately and did not have covid, put on a mask and came to coax Virginia and Jose to go to the hospital. Lerma found Jose lying in bed, covered in a sheet, with a sky-high fever.

“He was forcing fast breaths to try to get any air that he could into his lungs,” said Lerma. “That’s when I started freaking out and losing it.”

Virginia and Jose were admitted to the hospital. A few days later, Virginia was doing well enough to go home, but Jose’s condition only got worse.

The last time Lerma saw him it was over FaceTime, while Jose was being wheeled through the hospital to be put on life support. “Losing my dad, this is what heartbreak is,” said Lerma. “This is what the sad songs are about.”

Three Brothers — ‘Family Men’ — Gone

By the time of Jose’s death, the virus had already killed about 150,000 Americans. Like so many other families, the Aldacos were not able to have a proper funeral.

“It felt like his death was just brushed under the rug, like he’s just another statistic,” said Lerma.

Priscilla Gomez said she’ll never forget hearing her mother take the phone call when she learned of her brother’s death.

“To not be there in-person to comfort them or to hold them up when they feel like they just want to throw themselves on the ground and just sob … you feel completely helpless,” she said.

As the pandemic stretched into the winter months, a new wave of infections and deaths gripped Arizona and much of the rest of the U.S. By late December, the total U.S death toll had surpassed 300,000, and Heriberto Aldaco Jr. — the youngest, in his late 50s — was now also hospitalized with covid.

“You think you’ve gone to a particular point in your grieving, and then it’s not done — here it comes again. … Now my dad’s baby brother is sick,” said Brenda Aldaco. “Then he passes away.”

Less than two months later, yet more shattering news would come to the family.

The last remaining brother, Gonzalo Aldaco, the eldest in his early 70s, was hospitalized with covid. He died in February.

Brenda Aldaco described her father and uncles as above all else “family men.”

“They were totally and completely devoted to the people they loved — always present, always someone you could rely on,” she said.

Sometimes, she still expects her father to come home from the hospital: “It was just hard for me to even grasp the concept of ‘He’s gone’… that the three of them are now gone and under the same circumstances and within a period of six months.”

This story is from a reporting partnership between NPR and KHN.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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A Year Into the Pandemic, Three Huge Losses in One Family published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[liagibasunandmoonflower]

So, some backstory is neccessary (imo) for some of the ideas in my album to really make sense. (TRIGGER WARNING- it gets dark, and is about mental health, so if you arent in a great place maybe dont read, but it's your call)

I am the youngest of 3 biological siblings, but a total of 6 siblings, but one of them no longer remains in contact with us. And the other is incarcerared. But, my sister's are pretty freaking awesome people.(btw My parents basically raised my mom's step sister's children, so i really consider them to be my siblings). My oldest brother (bio bro) was 11 years older than me, my eldest sister and first born of my parents is 13 years older than me, my second sister is a blessed middle child and is 7 years older than me, and my youngest brother is 5 years older than me. Needless to say i was the baby of the family and treated as such 😂

Moving on, my oldest brother was 17 when he enlisted in the Army. He needed my parents permission. They talked it was what he wanted to do and so he went. I was 6, and omg it was terrible. My mom has found old school journals of me writing about how much I miss my brother. I would have really bad nightmares as a kid (up until i was 11 i slept in my parents room on a little blanket bed on the floor because of how terrifying these nightmares were i didnt want to be alone at night). And i would cry at night. And i wouldn't really be sure why. But it would be so intense and i just could not stop.

And my family would surprise me, and other people in the family, when he was on leave. He would just walk in the door late at night and everybody would be crying and be so happy and excited. One time he came home and my parent kept me home from school for the morning, and i was like "okay im ready to go to school" and they were like "let's just wait a minute" and i was like "um weird but okay" and then some time later, i hear the basement door in our kitchen open and this dude walks around the kitchen corner into the living room and then as he came closer i realized it was my brother and i was so excited and happy and im sure i probably cried.

But dont get it twisted. My brother was a dickhead. Like one time we jumping on the trampoline and he was just tormenting me and i finally broke down and called him an asshate because he kept calling me an asshole and i thought he was saying asshat (tbh he probably was, he was weird, it's were i get it from).

But anyways, when he finally got out of the military, I think it was only 2-3 years but for a 6 year old that's forever, he still lived with my parents and me and my other brother. And then he went to work for the gas companies and we would go visit him when he was out of town on the job. Dickhead was always leaving.

But, Dickhead was also one of my most favorite people I have ever known or met on this planet. I used to take dance lessons and every year they would put on a spring show and i was apart of it one year. We had an afternoon and evening show. My parents and grandparents and i think my sister and aunt and cousin probably all came for the afternoon show. Somehow it got arranged that my older brother would pick me up from the evening show (i think he still lived with us im gonna have to check with my parents). Well, the show was running later than expected and so he came at the time he was supposed to and i was still dancing, so he got to see the second half of the show for free. And then, we bullshitted in the car, called each other foul names as was the usual and laughed about it, and then he took me to the local Wegmans, and used pocket change to get us some gummy cherries. And he showed me this neat trick where if you hold the bag up just a little you can get the candy for a cheaper price. I'm pretty sure my 13 year old self thought this was totally badass and amazing. Still kind of do. Fuck capitalism. And so he's driving us home, its dark out by now, we're eating the gummy cherries and he says they look like dogballsacks. So now, that's what we called them the rest of the ride home. It was really great that he just did that for me. And he actually sat and watched the show. He could have easily turned around and waited outside in his car. His red Cadillac.

Anyways, he eventually moves out, gets an aparment near my aunts house, moves out of that apartment into a new one, his gf moves in with him, and he starts taking classes at the local college. Just gen eds, he planned on transferring to get a degree in nanotechnology. I was in high school, and one time we switched homework because he hated math and I hated english, but i didnt know how the college math class he was taking wanted me to solve the problems so basically i got him to do my hw, and he still had to do his hw too. But I'm pretty sure I had to add to mine too because my hs english teacher wanted us to annotate a certain way and shit. That was in tenth grade I think.

In 2014, the same year, my eldest brother took his life. He was 26, a few weeks shy of 27. I was 15 at the time and immediately stopped attending public school, and eventually made a full transition to home bound. It's where a teacher comes to your house and brings your work and tutors you like two-three times a week. It was really nice, but really isolating and lonely. I started tsking antidepressants and going to therapy, both individual and family, but stopped all three of those things eventually all at different times for different reasons. For my junior year i did online school through the local hs. It sucked. It was terrible. Probably the worst i ever did academically. Like C's and D's started popping up with my A's and B's. I just wasnt learning and wasnt understsnding and didnt feel comfortable reaching out for help.

I would say I've pretty much been in emotional turmoil since I became counsious and could remember things. Yes. It is all in my head, but that's the problem. And now, im ready to get professional help. Because i want to remember my brother. Every single memory of him i want to always keep. But I've spent a really long time trying to actively forget and black out the memories because it just hurts so fucking much almost all the fucking time. I feel like ive been burning my brain away with marijuana just to survive. And now im ready to change and need the help to change. But i have no money to pay for that help. And my insurance does not cover it fully which is what i need. So, im just out here, trying my best and living my life. Im always going to try.

I've found music to be really healing, and have put everything i have into making this album. It's raw, and personal, and explicit. It's physically difficult for me to express myself by talking, but singing and writing are so natural and easy to me. And no im not a great singer, or writer, but it's what i love and enjoy doing. More practice=more skill/talent.

I hope anyone who stumbles upon this, (including my future self) is inspired to do something they love not because they are good at it, but because they love it. That's the only thing that matters. When im old and wrinkly and dried up and crusty, I want to remeber myself as happy, kind, caring, strong, passionate, and i want to have so many memories of peope, places, and things that I love.

#bsl #i #hope #proud #of #me #storytime #family #creativescommunity #music #self love and respect #mental health journey #you're

[thereluctantinquisitor]

Homesick

A little emotional hurt/comfort between Hanin “Dad” Lavellan and Darren Miller. Because the boy misses home badly, and sometimes the only person around to comfort him is his superior... (approx 2300 words)

It was hard. Leaving home. It wasn’t that Darren was the youngest or the most sheltered among the recruits to do it – to walk away from his family – but maybe that just made his inability to cope all the worse. The children who had fled to Haven seeking shelter were allowed to cry. They were allowed to huddle down in a corner and bury their faces in their knees. No one ever thought less of them for it.

But Darren wasn’t a child. He had no excuse.

He always tried to be quiet when it happened. Stole away, careful of the patrolling guards making sure no stray recruits were out wandering. He’d had a harder time, back in Haven. There were fewer nooks and crannies for him to hide in, the rustic houses watching no matter where he went. But back in Haven it hadn’t been so bad. He had only been away from his family for a few weeks. It still hadn’t seemed real.

Luckily, there were plenty of places to hide in Skyhold.

Today, the location of choice was near the barn, tucked behind some old carpentry tools and off-cut wood. It was far enough away from the barracks not to draw attention, and no one in his squad would waste time looking too far beyond it if they noticed him gone. Sitting with his back against the cold stone, Darren pulled out a piece of paper. It was wrinkled and stained, muddy in places, water-damaged in others. He had tried so hard to keep it safe, but it seemed he couldn’t even do that right. Regardless, he opened it up with clumsy fingers, teeth chattering, tears seeming to dry before they even had a chance to fall as cold wind whipped around him, stinging his skin.

It was silly. Such a simple note. His ma and pa had written it for him just before he left, with the help of the Inquisition recruiter.

Be safe, Darren. Be strong. Come home to us when you can. We will be waiting, my sun.

Love forever, Ma and Pa.

Maker, some days made it hard not to just pack up and leave. He knew that if he went home, his parents wouldn’t think any less of him. He knew that his little sister would leap into his arms, uncaring of whatever he might have to drop to catch her. But then…

… hot tears welled up and he cursed softly, swiping them away with the back of his hand. He folded the note and tucked it back into his shirt, the paper rough against his skin as he curled up and wrapped his arms around his knees. He’d had people ask him why he stayed; hell, he’d had people tell him he shouldn’t bother. That he wasn’t made from the right stuff. It hurt, every single time, but he just took it because he was too scared to stand up for himself.  

Whenever he found himself sobbing in the cold, he couldn’t help but think they were all completely right. He doesn’t have what it takes. Pretending doesn’t help anyone. He blinked rapidly, sniffed, pulled his knees a little closer. What am I doing…?

“There you are.”

The voice came from nowhere and Darren gasped in a shaking breath, head bolting up from his knees, blue eyes wide in shame and shock. For a breathless moment, he searched the shadows, vision blurred and stinging until a figure moved, isolating its shape the dark. Darren’s first instinct was to squeak out an apology, and he did, reaching up to rub quickly at his eyes. It was dark. Maybe the person hadn’t noticed.

Grass and wood shavings crunched beneath approaching footsteps, slow and measured. A prickle of fear crept up Darren’s spine and he lowered his hands quickly, body tense, ready to scramble away. The figure loomed over him. Paused. Then lowered himself down with a soft grunt, the sound of metal scraping stone rising to fill the silence for the briefest moment as Darren finally recognised who it was.

“S… Sir?”

Hanin frowned a little at that – he always did – but said nothing to the contrary. He just shifted, bending one knee, resting his arm across it casually, as though finding one of his recruits weeping by the pile of carpentry supplies was nothing out of the ordinary. Then again, with how hard he pushed them all, maybe it actually wasn’t.

“Did something happen?”

Darren blinked, then shook his head, face growing hotter by the second as shame rushed from his chest to his ears. “No. I’m sorry. I just… didn’t feel well. That’s all.”

“I see. Do you need a healer?”

“No.”

Hanin said nothing for a while, and all Darren really wanted was to sink into the stone of the battlements. It was humiliating enough, being overwhelmed by the need to slink off and cry like a child. But it was mortifying to have his own squad leader catch him doing it. He had no doubt Hanin had noticed. After all, the man missed nothing. He was always one step ahead. Always prepared. Ready. No one ever questioned him, and why would they? Everything about him just seemed so in control. Like he was born to lead, while Darren was born to just… follow.

“Do you want to talk?”

If it had been anyone else, Darren would have sworn he had heard uncertainty in those words. But it was Hanin, so Darren just assumed he was projecting his own insecurities. He swallowed, throat still tight, and shook his head ever so slightly. If he talked, it would just get worse. “No, sir. I’m just…” He hesitated, and then forced himself to get through one last word. “… scared.”

To Darren’s surprise, Hanin nodded, his typically hard expression turning thoughtful for a moment as he gazed out into the dark. “There’s no shame in that, Darren. Everyone feels scared.”

Darren snorted softly, a watery smile flickering on his face as he reached up to wipe his eyes. “N-Not you. Sir.”

Hanin sighed. “Yes. Even me.”

That caught Darren off-guard. Slowly, he looked across at his superior, only to find Hanin watching him, green eyes steady and stoic and…

… worried.

A knot tightened in Darren’s stomach and he quickly looked away, hands curled into fists atop his knees. “It’s nothing,” he insisted, voice hoarse, on the verge of fresh tears. “Just… childish… stupid stuff.”

“It bothers you.”

It was not a question, but Darren found himself answering it regardless, his voice barely above a whisper. “… Yes.”

“Then it is not childish.”

Their voices gave way to silence for a time. It mingled with the wind as it curled through the courtyard, ghosting along the grass, bringing with it the chill of fresh snow. It would be a bitter morning. Eventually, after being wracked by an uncontrollable shiver, Darren found what little remained of his voice.

“I’m… scared I’ll be too late. That this was all a really big mistake.” He wrung his hands nervously, too aware of the paper hidden beneath his shirt. That familiar pressure was building again, the back of his nose tingling, his vision beginning to sting traitorously. “W-What if something happens to them? And I wasn’t there? What if a rift opens up and there’s no one there t-to… to protect them?”

Hanin’s voice was level; the opposite of Darren’s, which trembled harder with each word. He gave nothing away. “Your family?”

Sniffling, Darren just nodded, voice momentarily threatened by a rising tide of sobs that he was determined to keep at bay. He took a moment to try to compose himself, breathing shakily through his nose, lips pursed between his teeth, but in the end he couldn’t handle the silence. Not for how long it would take to calm down. Instead, he just started to speak, the words tumbling and tripping out of him, punctuated by short, hitching breaths as he just… gave in.

“I know it’s s-stupid and that there’s n-n-nothing I’d be able to do. I know I’m hopeless and I can’t fight and that no matter what I do I won’t get better. But I j-just… I just get so scared. Every time a messenger shows up at the gate I… I can’t help it. W-What if it’s my home this time? Ma and pa and Claire? What would I even do? T-They’re the only reason I’m here and I… I don’t… I can’t…” 

He broke off, burying his face in his knees again, so ashamed but so relieved to just say it. To get it out in the open where someone else could finally tell him he was being ridiculous and put the matter to rest once and for all. But Hanin stayed quiet as he sobbed, so Darren found himself continuing in a half-panic, unable to bear the weight of what could only be a heavy, judgmental silence.

“W-Would I even know? Would anyone even tell me?” His voice was muffled against the back of his knees, the fabric growing damp with tears as he hid his face. “I’m no one. Not important like you or Varlen or t-the Inquisitor.” He sobbed shamefully, the sound wet and miserable and broken. “I… I wouldn’t get a letter, would I? W-What if I go home after all this and… and…”

Hanin’s expression went slack as the boy just… crumbled. Folded in on himself, shaking and coughing out wretched, terrified sobs. Not for the first time, Hanin knew he was out of his depth. This was not something he could help with. He was not a comforting person; he never had been. Sitting there beside Darren as the boy spoke words that held more truth than he probably realised, Hanin was truly, deeply lost.

Useless.

He reached out, hovering above the boy’s shoulder as Darren quaked and shuddered, hands gripping his pants, fingertips turning white as they dug into the fabric. He was still talking, but the words were lost amid the sobs and the shallow, hitching breaths. Any other time, Hanin would have walked away. Found someone else to handle this… situation. But this was Darren. One of his squad. His squad. For the first time, Hanin could not imagine anyone else in his place. He flat-out refused to.

Slowly, carefully, he lowered his hand onto the boy’s shoulder. A simple gesture. A show of solidarity. “Darren, what we are doing here is…”

Hanin trailed off. Darren wasn’t in any state to listen to reason, that much was clear. He knew when his words were falling on deaf ears, so he saved his breath. Instead, Hanin shifted a little closer, sliding his hand to the centre of Darren’s back. He didn’t rub circles or pat gently or anything like that; he just kept the pressure there. Let the boy know he was not alone. But, to Hanin’s surprise, Darren turned suddenly, burying his head against Hanin’s chest. Without thinking, Hanin shifted to wrap his arm around the boy’s shoulders, utterly at a loss for what else to do. Of all things, the thought crossed his mind that he should not be wearing his plate – that it must be cold and hard and far from comforting. But Darren did not seem deterred by it, and eventually Hanin just let out a soft breath and wrapped the boy in both his arms.

It took some time for Darren to calm down enough to stop shaking and actually take a long, deep breath. It took longer still for him to lean away slightly, prompting Hanin to loosen his embrace and let him go. For a moment, Darren just sniffled; wiped his eyes with a damp sleeve, all the while refusing to make eye-contact. Hanin did not blame him. He certainly did not feel insulted. It was a difficult thing, to live each day with that much uncertainty. He had lost his clan, that was true… but he had made a new one. Of sorts. They were where he could see them; where he could protect them. It did not take away the pain… but it helped.

“Darren…”

The boy took a long, shivering breath. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to--”

A smile tugged at the corner of Hanin’s mouth, and he cut Darren’s apology off gently. “What is the name of your hometown?”

A puzzled expression flickered across Darren’s brow. “I… Glendess, sir.”

Hanin nodded. “Glendess. Very well. I will ask the ambassador to pass on any word from there. There are many things for us to fear, but do not be afraid that we will leave you in the dark.”

It was as though something tense and tangled suddenly relaxed in Darren’s body, his shoulders slumping, a soft breath rushing past his lips as though he no longer felt the need to stop it. “Really? You mean it?”

“Of course.”

Red eyed and wet cheeked, Darren turned and mustered a wavering smile for Hanin. “Thank you, sir. That would… mean a lot.” Then, his face reddened and he looked away again, rubbing his hands nervously on his pants before scrambling to his feet. “I-I should get back. The others might be wondering where I went. I don’t want to keep them up.”

Hanin found a smile on his own lips as he nodded. “That is a good idea. Get some rest, Darren.”

“Yes, sir!”

With that, Darren gave a hurried, anxious salute then scurried off into the dark, blonde hair receding into the shadows until he vanished entirely. Still smiling to himself, Hanin let out a slow, tired breath. Is this what it’s like to be responsible for people?

He reached down beside him, intending to get to his feet, when he noticed something. A scrap of paper, crinkled and tear-stained, lying abandoned in the dirt. He stared at it for a moment until a gust of wind threatened to blow it away. Moving fast, Hanin just managed to snatch it before it was lost forever. Frowning, he unfolded it, glanced a familiar name… then refolded it again, tucking it into one of his pouches for safekeeping.

Whatever it was, he would return it to Darren in the morning.

#DAD MODE ENGAGED #dragon age fanfiction #hanin lavellan #darren miller #dawn squad #emotional hurt/comfort #i imagine hanin wishes he was better at this sort of thing #but sometimes just being there is enough to take the worst of it away <3 #reluctant writes #(it also probably took all of Darren's willpower not to accidentally call him 'dad' again)

[draconicprcvidence]

Draconic Memoirs - Father

@rcsesthcrns

 Scarlet sat at one end of the small table in Camilla’s tea room. Her usual expression of joy was absent, in its place a harsh glare. Typically the Dragon Lord was one to show genuine happiness when in the company of the Nohrian royal. This instance was far different. The Princess had made an inquiry that struck upon a fierce hatred.

 “So... You wish to know of the loathsome monster that I’ve inherited my blood from? All because of this silly human holiday?” Her words came out in a tone soaked with malice. “Fine, I’ll indulge you.”

  I don’t remember my first years of life all to well anymore. Too many years have passed since then, though I suppose it was my parents that began to fill my heart with rage and hate. It’s possible many of my demons stem from them. Even if I’d only been cared for by them for seven years.

 My father was a powerful Umbra Lord, though it was but drop of water in a lake compared to my mother. The females of our species had always been powerful and being born a female of my kind it was assumed and expected of me to be the same. While such things became true, those two were of no aid in my growth. All that had been given to me were the tools needed for survival.

 The first couple of years hold fragments of false tenderness. Memories of heart shattering lies forged upon the anvils called the tongues of my so called loving parents. They kept me close and warm at night, fed me and kept me safe. Once I was strong enough they started teaching me to hunt, use my fire and withering breath, soar high in the clouds and most importantly; how to wield the dark arts.

 Over time I improved and showed great promise, but that was also the time when things got worse. Umbra Lords are not the family unit type. We breed, raise our young to survive and then abandon them. Not too many Dragon Lord species are like that anymore. Once I started showing promise my mother left, though not peacefully. I’d become a threat to her existence and thus before being abandoned I was violently attacked. My expectations were that once she was gone my father would still treat me well, but I was very, very wrong.

 The reason I loathe this human holiday alongside its counterpart is because my first real fight for survival comes from the death I almost experienced at the talons of my father. This memory is the most vivid from my youngest days. He was stronger than me in every way, yet I was expected to somehow escape with my life, kill him or be killed. Anyone with familial bonds would find such a situation deplorable, but they are no more than outsiders looking in. 

 Unable to flee I was left with few options. Head on combat would only get me killed and I could not generate runes for my magic nearly as fast as he could. My father didn’t hold back either. He never showed anything less than the intent to kill me and his pursuit was relentless. With more stamina than me I couldn’t avoid him forever. I was at my wits end when I finally received a blessing. An Earthen Lord tending to the caves in the south found his way to the forest where our violent, one-sided exchange was taking place. His overwhelming physical might drove my father back. I was cared for until my wounds healed before setting out on my own.

 My heart seethed with hatred. How could my parents come after me with an intent to kill? Especially the father who’d acted the most loving between the two! Thinking about it back then made me tremble, but anymore I only feel hatred. I spent my time alone growing stronger by the day, no time was allowed to be wasted. In time I grew to be half as powerful I am today, though I still wasn’t good enough in my own mind.

 Several more years were spent in isolation. I turned away companionship of others at every turn. In times of suitors it was the strong who decided. If one desired copulation, it had to be won with force. If you didn’t, then you had to fight as if your life depended on it. Only by denying others who would only distract me could I attain what I wanted most at that time; the heads of my “loving” parents.

 When the eventual victory came it was bittersweet. I’d won, the two monsters who brought me into this world were slain by the monster they bred. It was too easy though. In all that time I’d spent getting so powerful they’d become complacent regarding their own strength. Suddenly, the insurmountable wall that was once them, the strength I’d feared, felt so small in comparison. Not a single word of kindness left their mouths before their deaths. Only threats regarding territory. My mother and father truly felt nothing for me despite all I harbored. My feelings were one sided.

 “Perhaps now you understand why I glare. Such memories are harsh reminders that sometimes the ones you trusted and loved most... Only wish to bring you harm. Humans do and experience the same. Please do not mistake my glare for anger directed at you.”

#writing drabble #this is my father's day contribution #rcsesthcrns