#and think about why i did what i did

[dandelion-wings]

Process & Commentary: Betrayal's Daughter

Being very navel-gazey tonight! I've been thinking about trying to break down some elements of my writing process for a while, in response to a Discord discussion about editing a while back, and another Discord discussion tonight brought the idea back up.

The thing is, despite my tendency to keep old drafts, I don't have a lot of documents that show the non-writing part of my process, because I usually delete in-doc notes as I go along, and my edit notes are usually on paper and get lost easily. But I do have two pieces where, for very different reasons, I did preserve some element of those notes! I may or may not come back and do a similar showing/commentary of Cursed Transformation later; for now, it's going to be Betrayal's Daughter.

This is a mix of 'introductory notes' for each whole draft, here on Tumblr, and in-draft commentary done in comments on a Google Docs. Hopefully it isn't too dire to navigate! I have, if I've set it up right, enabled comments by viewers on the Docs, on the premise that people may want to ask questions about things I didn't commentate. So feel free to do so!

The prompt for this fic was an interesting one to pick up, because while the prompter had a premise I loved, and I adored Kujou Sara as the core character, the additional characters they listed for the prompt were not, for the most part, ones I would have chosen for the premise. Which made it more challenging to write, but also more interesting, since I had to figure out how those characters would interact with Sara on this emotional journey, and I got to go places I didn't expect! But the first draft was, uh, rough, because I had no idea how to put any of that together at first.

I knew from the start that I was going to have to break it into sections, and that what I wanted was what I (because I get very strong visuals for scene structure) call a "folding fan" pattern of scenes--a frame story with two outer framing scenes and a central bridge, with scenes that mirrored each other in some way on either side of the bridge. And while that's what I came out with, I had no idea how to structure it when I started, so this first draft has a 'frame' that leans entirely on Sara's character story 5 and doesn't appear in later drafts.

Draft 1 - Google Doc

The reason my initial outline notes, which I usually delete from a document as I turn them into scenes, remain in this draft is also because of that uncertainty; I knew most of these scenes weren't doing what I wanted yet in this draft, and wanted to be able to refer back to my initial ideas in the second draft, so that I kept track of what I was trying to do. Those initial notes are at the top of each scene I had such notes for.

The second round of notes, my edit notes, are there because I usually write those on paper, but was traveling at the time and knew I would lose them if I did; they are at the bottom of each scene I had such notes for.

As a processes-and-procedures note, I physically rewrote this fic between the first and second draft. I have two computers, and I usually have it open on the desktop and retype in a fresh document on the laptop. This is fairly commonly something I do for something I know I'm going to make big changes to between drafts; it helps me to make the big departures if I'm not deleting text in the text editor to do so, for some reason, and also lets me rethink individual lines as I type them.

By the time I got to the second draft, I had a pretty good idea of my overall structure, and so this draft is much closer to the finished product. The primary difference is the first scene, because I was still struggling with framing (some notes on which are at the bottom of the first draft), and I started this draft thinking I was going to do a frame using scenes with her brothers.

(Oh. Oh that's what "boat framing" meant in those ending notes on the first draft. The pattern I had in mind when I started the second draft was "Masahito - Yoimiya - Ayaka - Yae - Kamaji - Masahito - Yae - Ayaka - Yoimiya - Kamaji"! Why this looked like a boat in my head, I cannot tell you. I come up with some weird fucking visualizations for stuff.)

As you'll note, there is no final Kamaji scene, and there's a middle Yoimiya scene that isn't in that pattern. I realized the actual shape I wanted and went back to the "folding fan" frame pattern mid-second-draft. Because, unlike the first draft, I didn't need to tell myself anything by writing the final scene I didn't want to use anymore, I didn't need to write it just to throw it out.

Draft 2 - Google Doc

There aren't any notes in this draft (that I didn't delete as I was writing as usual), and there's less for me to comment on that I didn't cover in the first draft, but it is a transitional stage between the mess of the first draft and the final product, so I'm still linking it for the purpose of side-by-side comparisons! There is technically a third draft, but it's identical to the final fic posted on AO3, down to the typos, and there was no commentary to make there that wouldn't fit into the second draft, anyway.

#going to steal canonical-transformation's tag: #why write when i can talk about writing #(although also my own relevant tag:) #fic nattering #i haven't been able to make myself write for a while now (for rl reasons i don't want to get into) and this scratched some of the itch #it is genuinely interesting to look back on that first draft more than a year later #and think about why i did what i did

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

I just wanna say bc I KNOW you're somewhere on tumblr, to the teenage girl who attended Take Your Kid To Work Day at an office building in Ontario, Canada circa 2013 and had a conversation with a middle aged woman in which you showed her your Black Veil Brides fanart and fanfics and ship content and told her about different fanfic tropes including a/b/o verse bc she happened to know who Panic! at The Disco and Fallout Boy were and thus you felt the need to show her your bandblr ship art, that was my fucking mother and I had to clarify all that to her including looking my mother in the eye and trying to explain a/b/o verse without sounding like a lunatic.

It's been 10 years and I still regularly sent evil energies in your direction. Since you'd be probably two years younger than me and thus legally an adult now, please know if this post reaches you it's on sight.

#she cornered me in the car and asked what shipping was and i almost had a fucking heart attack #imagine being like 16 years old and habing to explain knotting to your mother #random emo music girl I'm glad you had fun talking about your Band Guys to my mother #bc i also attended take your kid to work day at that office and i know how boring it was #but christ alive why did you have to fuck me like that? #anyways i hope this post reaches you so at the very least you know i think about you at least once a week #this has been weighing on me for ten years #im almost tempted to blaze this post

[herd-reject-arts]

So I'm leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this

Just like... a whole ass hawk. Dude's gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it's just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn't budge. And there's only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.

So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn't moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I'll talk to them, so I'm just like, "Hey, man. I don't know you. You don't know me. This feels really threatening. I'm just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You're a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I'd appreciate if you didn't, ok?"

It didn't move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I'm as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn't going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead

Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just... there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.

#not vc sorry #bird #birds #aves #raptor #hawk #red shouldered hawk #i think. might be wrong on that id #accipitriformes #birds of prey #honestly a really cool guy so close up #I'm happy i wasn't attacked. i would not want to fight a guy that big. #talons on this bird were huge. big scary. #I've never heard of large predatory birds just landing in front of people like that so i don't know what gives #it didn't catch any food or anything. just landed near me then stared me down. #I don't know a lot about bird behavior so i tried to not look back at it but still. #it also didn't look injured. seemed like a healthy bird #if anyone has any idea why this thing would act the way it did I'd love to know

[jangmi-latte]

wait if he was a first year here and vil said he bulked up/grew bigger during the latest beanfest then...then what is this. is this not bulky enough what h..how big did he grow now that he's a third year..h-he grew bigger???? h-he gained more muscle now that he's older??? a-and he's still working out???? w-what do you mean wha..what i..i like...like he GREW BIGGER????????

BIGGER!??!??!??!?!!?!!??

#twisted wonderland #twst #pomefiore #rook hunt #i need to undomesticate him again vil we are not having this conversation today #YOU'RE JUST MAKING HIM BIGGER BY DOMESTICATING HIM #HIDING HIS BICEPS DID NOTHING HE'S JUST GONNA RIP IT OFF WITH ALL THAT MUSCLES #I DON'T EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT HIS BACK MUSCLES #...fucK HOW HARD ARE HIS ABS NOW???????? #IS THIS WHY HIS DORM PANTS LOOK LIKE LEGGINGS TO HIM???? #I MEAN YEAH BUT THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOSE #ROOK THEY'RE SLACKS NOT LEGGINGS #OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH WHAT A TWINK OHHHHHH WOW HAHA WHAT NOW HUH

[hiding-under-the-willow]

anyways. What

#atlas.art #artists on tumblr #mcyt #hermitcraft #hc s10 #docm77 #joehills #joe hills #juppet #vintagebeef #doc beef and joe just slowly fucking loosing it throughout this interaction is one of my favorite things that's ever happened on hermitcraf #also. watching his fucking gigantic hour glass slowly grow in the background of other peoples videos for the last week #why did he do that to himself so early in the season omg 😭 #it literally is so ridiculously large it is insane. it looks insane next to everything else around it. it takes up the entire skyline #im thinking about keralis. who built his lake facing the shopping district so he could avoid looking at iskall's monolith while fishing #or mumbo and grian joking about making the biggest mega build in the shopping district for their wart shop. good luck with that now lmao #seriously if you haven't already y'all should go watch Wels' last video if only to see that thing grow in the background throughout the vid #wels built an entire castle on accident in that video and i still spent the entire duration going 'DOC WHAT THE HELL' it was so distracting

[thedreadvampy]

Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

#red said #it's just. I'm obsessed. #everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong #this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT #because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION #i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this? #why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered #but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances #then she left and nothing else occurred' #if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING #i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened #because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all. #a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman #b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening #c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that? #you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much #it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'

[sculkshrieking]

redrew my favorite Saw IV scene

#had to get this thing out of my head so that i can continue doing requests in peace #i think about this scene 6 times a day at least. why did hoffman look at him like that. why did he pause for so long. i know what you are. #mark hoffman #peter strahm #saw #saw iv #hoffstrahm #coffinshipping #my art #the urge to apologize for being so slow with requests is great but i will continue to fight it. @me on god we will get u some self respect

[mumblesplash]

gem, what happened to your eye?

(wanted to upload this panel separately, original is from this comic)

#my art #geminitay #secret life #icr exactly when but there was this moment earlier in the series #where someone asked gem what was up with her eye (because her skin had one green eye and one yellow eye) #and her response was smth like 'i'm yellow now!' #and i was like wait that's SO GOOD #bc there's an established tradition of ccs changing their skins to match the color of their current life #so the person (scott i think?) was obviously asking about the eye that was still *green* #but her answering that way implies she took the question to mean 'why did your eye color change' #because /the other one isn't her eye/

[houseswife]

practically emanating

#the original video is from bra1ncryst4ls #idk just something about the fact that EVERYBODY CAN SEE IT. and it goes both ways… #what if we were both the losing dog. what then. #house md #greg house #gregory house #hilson #james wilson #hatecrimes md #house/wilson #edit: girl help I was sloshed when I made this. why did I leave in my entire phone screen. also the commenter used the word basically and #my dumbass could not read apparently. erm. just a disclaimer IM NOT ACTUALLY THIS STUPID NORMALLY WHEN COMPOSING POSTS 💀💀 I think.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bonus 7: Time moves sideways

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #Despite a whole ass inspiration board for reference - it turns out drawing and colouring half submerged people is a CHALLENGE. #I am channeling the zoobie bunny and internally screaming “WHY DID YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA”. #What I wanted was a cool transition between present and past! What I got was a very full mouth of my own foot! #That said: there are aspects I really like about this one and I feel like I got most of the way to where I wanted it to be. #Water is hard to draw and I am saying that even after dedicating a full 4 page comic with people in the water. #Forget hands. Water is my new nemesis. #I love how floaty this flashback transition was. The hazy mind wandering as LWJ carries him as a set up to recollection! #Aren't memories an incredible thing? To relive a moment in your mind? To have time repeat again and again? #And yet it is always a little different when we go to recall it once again. We are different people than the person we once were.

[hychlorions]

a what-if i've been thinking about for forever... trucy knowing the truth before anyone could tell her

#trucy wright #apollo justice #ace attorney #.png #ough ough ough how many times has she helped 'ruin' someone's life... #like what if when she was so desperate to help phoenix get acquitted she gets hit in the face with the realization that #she might just be ruining her new-found brother's life too #so yeah. how would she even bring that up #haha hey polly. remember that time i handed you fake evidence. well did you know i saw your bracelet and remembered my mom had one too. fun #by the way did you know she told me she had two and gave one to her first-born who she lost a long time ago #like do we know how much trucy remembers about their mom. no! that's why i think this could work #ough i've wanted to make this comic for so long but i never knew how to format it #well i drew the first panel as warm-up and then was like. why not go all the way.... #that way i'd be forced to really think about composition

[turtleblogatlast]

Imo the most impressive thing Leo’s done is hold this pose for as long as he did while covered head to toe in gold paint:

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #if you’ve ever had to wear body paint that stuff can be UNCOMFORTABLE #AND to hold that pose for so long - not moving a muscle even when they first started falling? #as humorous as this is it is no joke highly impressive #I also love the implication that they disguised Leo SO FAST that Big Mama JUST finished with item 1 #this is why Leo grows to become the worlds greatest ninja #bro’s dedication to subterfuge is godly #also #Leo 🤝 Mario: being painted gold and tricking the villainess into thinking you’re a statue #side note but in this same episode leo makes a comment about being betrayed by his brothers all the time in a happy tone #and I wonder if that’s part of where his love for epic betrayals comes from #or if his bros partially did those betrayals because they know he likes them #also also #nearly all of Leo’s absolute best moments are contained within episodes that feature either Hueso or especially Big Mama #and I find that interesting #ALSO also also #Karai and Big Mama both embody different aspects of Leo’s key character traits and in this essay I will- #side note but as I mentioned in the notes LEO WOULD BE SUCH A GOOD CHEERLEADER AND SPECIFICALLY A FLYER #bc here’s the thing he has literally all the marks of a good one - the main one being what he shows HERE #the ability to LOCK HIS POSITION #plus his affinity for showmanship like #AND his literal JOB AS A MASCOT??? #let my guy be a cheerleader plz #he and Mikey both would be so good at it

[shivroy]

through the ages

#tomshiv baby #TOMSHIV BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #TOMSHIV #!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #if you have questions you must direct them towards me but before you ask #no i dont know why tom doesnt die. i simply do not know #succession #succession fanart #tom wambsgans #shiv roy #siobhan roy #hibernian #i dont even know what to say. Thats Hib #answer to question 2: yes hibs did steal toms s4 white shoes in last pic #iNEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THINK ABOUT SHIV ROY. GOODBYE

[otaku553]

Haha

#yanqing #honkai star rail #hsr yanqing #my immediate fixation on ice wielding child genius characters in every media I consume strikes again #idk I just think he’s neat!! and so is his gender #he’s definitely overdesigned but I do enjoy the general shape of his clothes #like wow… baggy outer layer AND baggy inner layer #how come you get to have two baggy layers #still don’t know that much about him even after reading his character stories on the wiki #so I’m hoping that his quest writes him well #I suppose there’s some degree of like interesting contrast in the fact that he’s very young on a ship full of people who live very long live #but I feel like regardless they really don’t give him much of a personality besides his hyperfixation on swords and the general naivety and #inexperience from youth yknow what I mean #I just think it would be cool to see like why he’s so ambitious! was he railroaded into being a knight because of his talents? did he try #to be accepted as a knight? what kinds of expectations is he facing and what expectations does he place on himself as a result #I really hope he isn’t just there to be a simpler minded child character for jingyuan to take care of

[homielander]

like yeah of course tom thinks shiv is a scorpion because he doesn't know she compromised her position and sacrificed her brother so he wouldn't go to prison. he doesn't know she refused to divulge any information about cruises to gil in season 1 before she was certain tom would walk away unscathed. he doesn't know she shut down her brothers' offer to fire him, doesn't know she ensured he'd have a place in the company post-acquisition, doesn't know that the first time she indelicately interrogated matsson about whether she'd have any power and influence at waystar gojo was literally immediately after matsson brought up the idea of firing tom. and it's her fault he doesn't know that she's protected him at nearly every turn because she won't tell him. and it's looking more likely with every passing episode that he'll never know 😔🔫

#ALSO. i just remembered that he still thinks shiv ratted about the press conference to gerri. lol!!! #tomshiv #tom wambsgans #shiv roy #succession #so glad shiv brought up that HE offered to go to prison cuz ive been saying that..... #like dude u expect ur emotionally unavailable wife to protest the idea of u going to jail when youve just told her it's logistically sound #well yes okay that's reasonable #screams #succession spoilers #EDIT i do not know why anyone is interpreting this post as me blaming tom. what part of 'he doesn't know' did you guys miss #not that he is blameless in the marriage obviously but i think it makes sense that he doesn't believe shiv even cares about him

[laidenbreecatchall]

Simple sketches of the loves. Oda draws Law like a 6 year old when that little guy is like 13 right?? He’s a shitty little traumatized 13 year old??? I wanted to draw him more 13 and less baby (though I won’t lie I love all the art of little law all small and squish).

Edit: I just got to dressrosa btw and haven't formally watched Laws back story. All I know is through fandom osmosis 😔✌️. But I can't help myself from drawing them, my beloveds.

Psst... Commissions Open

#idk if he looks thirteen man #teenagers are just small adults right??? #I looked the same as I do now but shorter and more moody #I also wanna draw him right after his growth spurt where he’s a lanky ass 15-16 year old and penguin and Shachi are all like - #‘why did him and Bepo get huge?! they were the small ones?!?!’ #I like thinking about them #I’ve also been thinking about what if Cora fucking lived man ;-; #I haven’t even gotten to Laws backstory with Cora yet I don’t even know the details #sigh #one piece #trafalgar law #my art #ryeart #trafalgar d water law #art #sketches #corazon #donquixote rosinante #donquixote corazon