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lamarckianenterprises · 8 months

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Magitech Mechs and Vengeance (Dream)

Henrietta Head of HЯ — 12/05/2022 2:40 AM

Had a fun dream about magitek mechs and vengeance, or well, I say mechs but tbh they were more like vehicles that transform into mechs.

The core conceit is that I was playing a third person shooter or bullet hell video game where the gimmick is that my character can only hold so many 'memories' gained from shooting down and defeating enemies before I need to 'sleep', regaining hit points and activating in combat buffs apparently but only once per mission

It was one of those classic isekai things where the magitek entered the world, allowing megalomaniacal people to act out their villainous plots to alter the shape and nature of the world around them under the belief that their strong powers grant them some measure of divine purpose that justifies their actions.

I was supposedly a regular guy until some shit happened to kill me and an unrequited crush, and instead of hoping that I'd go to heaven with her or some shit my own regrets dragged me down into instead wishing that if I was given another chance at living, I would get my vengeance, and never let anything hold me back anymore.

But instead I woke up, and instead of being a baby or whatever the clock had wound back, I was the woman I had a crush on, nothing had happened yet, but I was still determined to use my second chance to get my vengeance, and enjoy life as it came. Developing my budding powers, creating a network of contacts that tipped me off to the various cells of the organization trying to take over the nation state of Java for me to dismantle, and awkwardly realizing that I exist in this timeline too and trying not to interact with him too much even if he kept showing up.

Slowly but surely becoming the very kind of powerful but unfettered 'divinely ordained' monster I used to hate, getting a sweet makeover, and watching this neat super sentai series about a group of three who each aspired to be just as good as the big three DC superheroes of old only to realize that they're wrapped up in a plot involving alternate realities where they do exist.

Until it was finally time, I had driven the organization to a corner, (I never really bothered to learn its real name and referred to it exclusively as 'that organization' or 'my enemy' apparently) and was about to crush their latest or potentially last base in my magnum opus, a massive and sleek hover tank of sorts armed to the teeth with an array of missiles, lasers, cannons, lasers, and lasers, and it all made me wonder why I was still doing this to begin with, and what comes next really.

Pure vengeance is nice and all but what? Do I just die after this? Do I keep going until something kills me? Do I dedicate my whole life to mopping up the mess this organization left behind and stopping others like them? All of this sprang to mind, unlike the morality of essentially driving up to a hotel, blaring out a short warning, and then immediately blowing it up for the umpteenth time, the only thing stopping me from immediately doing so this time around being the sight of my old self inside, surprising me enough to make me declare that they will have a grand total of 30 seconds to evacuate before I tear the building and everything below it apart. Instead the other residents took the time to fire back and summon a great slime, which I cursed only because I exclusively wielded fire, heat and impact based weaponry this time around, forcing me to only blow up the building itself as I kited around the most disappointing enemy so far, doing next to no damage as I slowly tore it apart into little chunks to evaporate, before I finally did something risky and hot swapped one of my lasers or something to make it a cold laser capable of freezing it, and allowing me to smash it apart.

My victory being short lived however, as I went to sleep, and woke up to find myself facing off against a mechanical black dragon once more, finding the rider of the recurring foe (that was inexplicably capable of cutting itself in half to have the tail and lower body move and fly independently of the front) to be none other than.... My old self. This shocked me a fair bit, as I realized that in my ceaseless pursuit of vengeance I had in fact, lost the reason why I embarked on it in the first place, I had never grown close to myself, and I had lived well past my supposed day of death.

Backing me into a corner as I took one withering blow after another... Until I had a vision, of all of the people I met and connected with, and of the future, or at least a potential one. It wasn't of me happy and married or queen of the world or whatever, it was a clip from the ending of the show I've been watching throughout this game, that I've consistently noted as having strong homoerotic tension between the various supermen and batmen, and in it just before the final battle, the superman wannabe (male) leaned in to kiss the cheek of the batman wannabe (male) who was driving, causing the usually stone faced and stoike man blushing a little, and asking what that was supposed to be.

The sight, above all else made me realize that there was more tying me to this world than simple revenge, more to see, more people to meet, more that can be worth fighting for. The realization causing my magnum opus to warp and reshape itself around me as I charged forward to meet the black knight riding astride his mechanical steed, and then I fucking woke up before I got an actual ending.

#journaling #original story #dream #superman #batman #dream log #lucid dreaming #dream journal #dreams #magitech #magitek #mecha #isekai

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justletmereadmyfic · 2 years

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Cang Qiong's Missing Peaks?

Well, here's my thoughts anyway.

Peak 6: The Beast Taming Peak

The problem with a beast taming peak is, how do you make the peak lord enough NOT like Shen Yuan, with his well-known enthusiasm over PIDW's various monsters?

Well, for starters, we don't have enough female peak lords, so we're getting another one.

I imagine she does like animals (it would be impossible to work on this peak if you didn't), but she doesn't get attached to them because she knows they'll mostly be slaughtered for parts.

Her true passion... is selective breeding.

She justifies her peak's funding to Yue Qingyuan with projects that benefit the sect, like breeding a particular viper to produce more venom (which is used on Qian Cao to produce various medicines).

But she actually spends most of her time and effort on more "just for fun" projects. Think domesticating foxes, or breeding koi for the prettiest patterns, but with PIDW monsters.

Her dream is to someday crossbreed something like a little lap dragon for a pet.

Peak 11: ???

Eh, I'm still mulling it over

Peak 12: An Jing (安静) Peak

So, I'm thinking, for the lowest peak, gardens.

Terraced farming at the bottom, in the middle they have plots for attempting to cultivate rare cultivation herbs (no pun intended), and then at the top they have lots of just very beautifully landscaped flower and rock gardens for walking through and meditating in, and for entertaining and showing off to visiting sect leaders.

Secretly, An Jing is also the prison peak. Qiong Ding Peak has the Ling Xi caves, which are qi rich, but An Jing has its own caves which are a total qi dead zone (I did use this in one of my fics already, if it sounds familiar).

I'm thinking the peak lord is pretty strict with himself, and doesn't indulge in much that could distract him from his duties. He's essentially a prison warden for a supermax prison and can't afford to slip up. At the same time, he also can't let anyone know there's a whole-ass supermax under their feet, even if there's a riot happening down there. An Jing must remain quiet and peaceful, like its name, at all times.

Which means a lot of smiling along and politely self-deprecating agreement when people joke about how easy it must be to run a garden peak (Only the sect leader, other peak lords, and the core disciples of An Jing who act as the prison guards are in the know—most of the disciples are strictly gardeners, and do not).

It gives him some common ground with Shang Qinghua (not that he's aware), but he's also one of those enviable people who can just legitimately handle it and doesn't really understand why other people experience burnout. It's just confidence in your own abilities and a hefty dose of self discipline, and hard work is its own reward!

He does like to relax with a nice volume of poetry, though. Very into how popular themes come and go, discussing why an author prefers a particular meter, the elegance of a particular line of prose, etc. He doesn't have anyone to talk about it with, though. All the book clubs he's attempted to fit into his schedule only discuss erotica for some reason.

#svsss #scum villain self saving system #scum villain headcanon #fandom thoughts

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asoulofatlantis · 4 months

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"By the way" my ass! You are the daughter of a Galbadian Mayor who tried to kidnap the Galbadian president. WTF?!

(BTW... I find it easier to play this game now that we have finished the mess that is Timber and the plot of the game is finally starting to get more interesting.)

Squall leashed out at Rinoa before too, because she is just stupidly naive and never thinks things through. Her plans are vague and don't really incorporate any possible consequences. And if something changes she drops the plan without considering all the work and time that other people already put into it. Its clear as day that a well-trained SeeD can be nothing but annoyed by that. I think in Squalls case, you can also add the fact that he was also annoyed that he had to work with that Woman for an absolutely unreasonable amount of time, as their contract said "Until Timbers independence". Like, with the way Rinoa and her team did things, they would have probably been stuck with her forever. In Quistis case, however, there was something else added. Jealousy. So far, she hasn't shown it, but I think Rinoa asking for Squall immediately after entering kind of was the last straw. After all, tghis is the girl who managed to make Squall dance with her, even tho she was a total stranger and yet, when Quistis, who Squall knows for a while, wanted someone to listen to her, he refused. Its clear as day that this pissed her off and now is the moment were she couldn't hold it back any longer. You must also see that Squall, even tho annoyed by her, decided to keep the contract going, despite the fact that Rinoas father was the way out of it, which is some sign of some sort of attachment to her, that as someone who knows Squall very well Quistis could hardly have overlooked. And now they are in a rather stressful position and FINALLY, Squall understood that Quistis has some sort of valua, which is why he gave her the leading position for the second team and now it feel slike Rinoa wants to ruin it with her stupid plan.

The controller in my hand says it is one XD Jokes aside... I understand that this is frustrating for her BUT this is the second time someone said something like this to her, so MAYBE she should think about WHY someone said it to her two times in just one day? ALSO she does get herself in a lot of trouble with her careless acting, so certainly at the end of the day, Quistis was right.

I think it speaks for Quistis maturity that she understands she was a bit too harsh, even tho I am sure she also knows that she was right. But she knew she chose to be so harsh for a less professional reason and thus she now feels bad about it. Gets us in a bit of trouble... but it makes her look like the good character she actually is, instead of like a Harpy that scratches out the eyes of every woman who her man gets along with.

Fun fact: The first time I played this game I had no walkthrough or anything like that and thus I was stuck in this room for HOURS because it took me AGES before I finally by total accident found out how the hell to get out of this room through the secret door. Of course, ever since then I always remembered how it works. So no worry, we will be out here in no time XD

She wanted to prove that she can help, even tho she is no SeeD, but she actually only proved how much of a failure she is ^^'

Pun absolutely intended XD

Honestly? Even if Rinoa got out of her stupor in time for the attack, given her lack in training and all that, that monster should have long eaten her by now. It took ages for the parade to start, no way in hell did she last that long on her own.

And thus ends what once was disc one of the game. Even now you still get the prompt to save XD Anyway... there is no freaking way in hell that Squall should have survived this. And I think they never truly answered how he did survive it, because I think Squall himself questioned it.

Oh! Right! I forgot that we got the Winhill-Sequence right at the start of Disk two. Now you will be able to meet Squalls mother and his (more or less) adoptive sister in child form - as you have meet her as an adult already, just in case you didn't notice ;P

Look at the house, the holes... and that looks like old blood on the wall. You do NOT want to know how Ells parents died, that much is for sure.

Hm... now why does this name ring a bell? Hm... hm... I could have sworn I've heard it just recently... XD Jokes aside, here we have the grand reveal that Rinoa is Julias daughter. At this point tho, it really is just a sidenote that means nothing to you.

She waited roughly a year, that doesn't sound like true love to me. After all, she just got married, so she waited even less then a year to fall in love again. Also... imagine Caraway having to listen to "Eyes on me" all the time, knowing its about another man his wife once loved... ^^'

Ell just wanted to tell you what Uncle Laguna and Rain are... but apparently, he prefers to keep that a secret for now XD

She can't stand his snoring and he talks in his sleep... in case you wanted to know where Squall came from... you've got the confirmation that they do essentially spend the night together XD Ellone gets kidnapped not so long after this Laguna saves her and instead of returning to Winhil he goes to Esthar, but he did send Ell back to Winhill were she basically arrived just as Rain gave birth to Squall. So... do the math! XD

Makes total sense, right? XD

#ff8 mona version

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trash-bats · 7 months

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Trash Bat Char's 2023 Spooky Season Movie Marathon

As is tradition for many around this time of year, I try to cram in as many seasonally-appropriate movies as I can starting around September and going til Thanksgiving (Halloween is a 3 month holiday in my mind, leave me alone). I try to mostly watch new-to-me films, with the occasional beloved rewatch thrown in. Movies will be a mix of classic horror, anything involving monsters & creatures of the night (especially vampires because I am nothing if not predictable), and some family-friendly Halloween & autumn romps.

I'll include my personal rating & some brief thoughts, but I'm so bad at rating things so please don't come at me if I give something a whack score, lol. I also track everything on my Letterboxd. I'm always open to suggestions to throw on my future lists!

(updated: 10/12/23)

1. Crimson Peak (2015)

-first-time watch, viewed on Sept. 6th

-70/100; this film was a visual treat, from the set design to the costumes. I craved a little bit more out of the ghosts of the house, but I also get what they were going for.

2. The Vampire Lovers (1970)

-first-time watch, viewed on Sept. 18th

-60/100; this is the third Hammer vampire film I've seen, with Dracula & Dracula A.D. 1972 being a part of last year's marathon. I was definitely invested in getting to see a classic piece of lesbian vampire media, but the plot pacing & the ending left me a bit disappointed. However, Ingrid Pitt was absolutely captivating.

2. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)

-first-time watch, viewed on Sept. 21st

-60/100; first off, loved the claymation. I've been aware of Wallace & Gromit's existence for a long while, but this was my first time actually watching them. There uh, sure were a lot of jokes about """melons"""! It was a pretty ok watch though, got a few chuckles out of me.

4. Blood & Donuts (1995)

-first-time watch, viewed on Sept. 24th

-60/100; the title and premise of this little vampire film intrigued me, but I'm not sure I would call it...good? I was entertained in some capacity. Maybe baffled by the acting & character choices of the cab driver, he was like a mix of Christopher Walken & Tommy Wiseau. A unique little vamp film though. Gains bonus points for usage of Concrete Blonde's "Bloodletting" in a graveyard scene.

5. The Thing (1982)

-first-time watch, viewed on Sept. 30th

-70/100; I know, I know, giving this acclaimed & beloved film only 3 1/2 stars is a crime. I certainly recognize why it's held in such high regard, but I also gotta rate things based on my own personal enjoyment, and I just wasn't super gripped or blown away. And maybe that's a me problem or can change in the future, but I did still like the film! The scene with the guy whose head disconnects from the body & becomes a spider and crawls away genuinely shocked me.

6. Scream (1996)

-first-time watch, viewed on Oct. 3rd

-90/100; This was a very fun watch, and I'm glad I waited until I've seen a lot more horror movies before watching it - a lot of it would have gone totally over my head if I had watched as a teen. I've gotten two Ghostface-related art commissions this month, so it felt only appropriate to watch it myself to "catch the vibe". I might try and watch the first sequel soon.

7. Monster High 2 (2023)

-first-time watch, viewed on Oct. 6th

-50/100; the first musical movie was a mix of being a mess & having fun, and this one was pretty similar. I still don't like the majority of the musical numbers, and I'm still not a fan of how generic the background students are. Live-action non-binary Frankie Stein is still an absolute delight though, and as "mid" as I've found these movies, I REALLY need them to make the third since the plot hook they left at the end of this one implies a Frankie-centric story next time.

8. Coraline (2009)

-re-watch, viewed on Oct. 9th

-90/100; damn it's been over a decade since I last watched this, but I was in love with it when it first came out. Laika stop-motion films are just so, so visually stunning to look at. The way they tackled the topic of emotional neglect & the escapism of wanting a different life than the one you have is just...oof!

9. It Follows (2014)

-re-watch, viewed on Oct. 10th

-80/100; I saw this one in the theaters when it came out, and I remember feeling so unsettled upon leaving the theater and riding with my friends down the dark, empty roads home. Watched it this time with a group of pals on Discord this time around, and I mostly knew what to expect, but the concept & execution still just leaves you feeling uneasy after!

---

Other films I hope to get to this season:

The Ring

The Exorcist

Ginger Snaps

An American Werewolf in London

We Are the Night

Happy Death Day 2 U

The Lost Boys (rewatch)

#spooky season movie marathon #i might go back and retroactively make some lists for the past few years too #gotta get in the spirit of the season however i can

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mollythecoatl · 2 years

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I feel like Tumblr doesn't want me to make this post

Ok so I wanna say something about Susie and this line from her

So, I've been thinking about this line from Susie for the past like, 3 days and it's been bothering me with other things I've gathered

So like, at first I thought Susie made this line cause the Deltarune universe is different, and monsters bleed, but then I realized these line practically nullify that theory.

So that went down the drain, but then someone brought up a theory that was v interesting (and still is! Love this theory but there are some holes), in which Susie lived in a human community before she moved to hometown, but then, if she lived in a primarily human community, then why does she call Kris a freak when she would be more familiar with humans in the first place?

And while I was thinking about this, I realized something that changes everything

Susie would now If she herself bleeds

We know that Susie is a rough and tumble kinda gal, and she has also been implied to self harm in previous chapters, so she would know if she herself bleeds or not

It would also explain why she says the everybody bleeds line, Susie is a recluse, so she's probably never hung around with enough people in her life to realize that a monster that bleeds isn't normal.

It would also explain why this animation with Susie was cut, Susie bleeding could be a big plot point in the story, so it not being used in chapter 2 makes total sense, as Toby probably wanted to post pone this scene for a later chapter, heck Toby has mentioned a time where he had content he wanted to add to the game, but felt it was to early to add to chapter 1.

Now you may be wondering, why the fuck am I worrying about this and why the hell does Susie bleeding mean anything

Well, it's all about the Soul.

In the Undertale verse, Monsters physiology is what makes them weak compared to humans, and why they dust and don't blood, they are made of mostly magic, almost nothing physical, so they are connected to their souls, and to much determination makes them literally melt.

Now, human souls do work a bit different in the Deltarune universe, as they never mention determination, but they still have the power to control aspects of the game, either it be the game itself (saves) or the characters in the game.

Now how does this apply to Susie?

Well, she's shown similar abilities to these

First of all, Susie is the only character who actually disobeys Kris fully, Noelle disobeys Kris in Snowgrave, but is eventually forced to do Snowgrave, yet Susie is able to fully ignore Kris if she wants to, and heck it's not only ignoring, it's straight up not letting Kris command her at ALL. In these moments you never even get to tell her what to do, she just does this all on her own.

Also, Susie has controlled a part of the game itself, completely changing a core gameplay mechanic. She is able to, without even trying, change how the gameplay works by learning to act by herself, and teaching everyone else to do the same, changing the game as we know it.

Now I'm not saying Susie has a human soul, but I feel something is up with Susie's soul, but it's just something I've been thinking Abt and I think it's v interesting.

(Edit cause this is missing from all the tags vfdvtvtr)

#Deltarune #Deltarune chapter 2 #Susie #Susie Deltarune #deltarune theory #Deltarune speculation #Long post #I am SO sorry to people who dont have the long post tag blocked #Also another thing I want to add #Susie's magic is shit. Which may be because she is not made entirely of magic #Like Noelle. With training her magic SKYROCKETS #but Susie's only goes up when she and Kris seal a Dark fountain #And it has only went up once lol #I'm posting this at night so I hope many people don't see it #Also not posting this on my main 2 Deltarune talky accounts cause ya

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tearsofgrace · 3 years

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endings are hard... but they aren’t impossible

tldr; the good place fucking nailed the finale, supernatural completely and utterly bombed it.

tags: wc--4.5k, gif heavy, spn meta, the good place, supernatural finale, spn wank, all gifs are mine, if you read til the end there’s a pretty gif

so i recently finished the good place (i was watching w my family and we finally had time to sit down and watch the last season) and god fucking dammit that ending is FLAWLESS. literally flawless.

and because i’m, well, me… i spent most of the time during that hour long finale thinking about how supernatural could have had even a fraction of that and avoided so much heartbreak.

anyways. i decided to compare them. to REALLY compare them. to get into the nitty gritty of why the fuck the good place ending left me feeling, as the finale is all about, sated and complete. and why the spn ending left me confused, lost, broken, betrayed, unable to even enjoy my comfort show at all until a dear friend finally just watched an episode (8.08) start to finish with me.

so without further ado (always wanted to say that) here’s the good place/supernatural finale meta that no one asked for

comedy

we’ll start small. both these shows have excellent comedy. in extremely different ways… but still

in the good place finale, the comedy was perfect. whether it was jason reappearing in the forest, michael trying to get through The Door, tahani reversing the “hot bod” bit on eleanor, every comedic moment was actually pretty emotional and added something to the show. they deepened characters’ meanings, added to their relationships, and made the audience think as much as they made the audience laugh.

in the spn finale… the comedy was the pie gag. the whole sam shoving pie into dean’s face. beyond this being… like meta as hell (the whole prank thing) it doesn’t have any depth to it.

and to add salt to the wound, this “hilarious” thing happens RIGHT AFTER salmondean have a conversation about missing jack and cas that is equal parts flat and infuriating. the brothers, in particular sam about jack and dean about cas, should care more. this is their family. and family is everything to them. but, no, by all means pie dean in the face.

last lines

this one IRKS me. okay.

the last line of the good place "I'll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it sleazy.” “All right.” is ICONIC. okay?

it’s a reference to season 1 that doesn’t feel fan-servicey. it’s kinda honestly emotional cuz it’s like a message to us, the audience. it perfectly completes michael’s arc. it captures the light-hearted vibe of the show while also somehow managing to be poignant. you can see it coming like the second before it happens but it’s also not the obvious choice. it’s just. goddamn it’s good.

the last line of supernatural…. is… “and cut.” not even said by one of j2. i mean i know it’s a meta show but COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????

now i hear you shouting wait but that’s just the end of the thank you message. okay fine whatever. in that case the last lines are “Hey, Sammy.” “Dean.” (i couldn’t bring myself to gif that moment)

i’m sorry but. that’s predictable. that’s obvious. that’s boring. that’s flat. sure, it celebrates the bond between the brothers. but like… that’s not what this show is about anymore. it’s not just about sam and dean winchester it’s about what they’ve created. it’s about the world they’ve saved, the family they’ve made, about how they always keep fighting but nope we get bland, boring, coulda seen ‘em coming from miles away lines for the very end. that’s fine.

montages

the spn finale is like 50% montages that don’t make sense and are poorly done and not emotional

the good place has a montage of michael being human that brought me to tears

timing

here’s another short section. the good place finale was 53 minutes long as opposed to the usual 20 minute long runtime of every episode. granted, the fandom of the good place is very different, but STILL there was no documentary telling the fans things they ALREADY knew (there was a short special after the ep, but the episode itself was still far longer than normal). it was 53 minutes of plot. of really fucking good not rushed plot.

the supernatural finale was… what 36 minutes long?? as opposed to the normal 40 minute runtime?? granted, we did get an hour long documentary of things we’ve all heard in cons and interviews a billion times so hey. take what you can get i guess.

character arcs

this is most of the meat of this meta. one thing we’ve all been harping on a TON is how they RUINED character arcs. soooo let’s go through and juxtapose some character arcs shall we

eleanor

eleanor shellstrop starts the show completely self-obsessed. she died getting hit by shopping carts while picking up margarita mix and let’s be real she’s a total icon. love her to death. she grows a ton, becomes one of the most selfless characters on the show, and starts to actually (jack forbid) CARE about things. it’s one of the most satisfying and relatable character arcs i’ve ever seen.

it’s not just her selfishness either, her character is super multi-faceted and complex, and i feel like even in the end we’re getting to know her better. she’s afraid of commitment, always worried about what others’ actions will do to her, loves the trivial side of life, is queer as fuck (as acknowledged by the show in a way that’s not harmful at all but also isn’t explicitly bi/pan/unlabeled/omni etc, allowing queer fans to see their own identity in her), and is all around a HUMAN BEING. her ending at the beginning of the show was her death. her stupid, trivial, meaningless death where she was, as she puts it, all alone. and her final ending ISNT that. yes, everyone goes before her. and i think that’s purposeful. to show that she’s grown enough that being alone in some sense is okay.

but she’s never TRULY alone. and in the end. the REAL end. janet is there. the whole time. because eleanor asked her to be!! she got over her crazy need for independence and simply asked for help. and eleanor dies an amazing person that has become selfless, has found joy in philosophy while still enjoying trashy content, has fixed her relationship with her mother, and has found a sense of completion. eleanor’s life ends on her terms, and it’s beautiful.

dean

alright. now just as you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy let’s look at dean winchester’s ending. you’ve heard it a million times, so i’ll be brief. dean was raised to be a hunter, a soldier, a killing machine with no feelings and no purpose. he was raised to die scared on a hunt, his life over because of some mistake he made because he will NEVER measure up. at least that’s what john and everyone else told him with the exceptions of some of his family (and family don’t end in blood). he started to accept that he didn’t have to have this. he started to realize that he could CHOOSE what his ending was.

the beautiful thing is, we never truly got to see what that was. i personally like to think it’s similar to the roadhouse michael locked him in while he was trapped in his own mind. a safe place for hunters, somewhere he (and cas in my opinion, but that’s not important) could settle down and still be in the life. it would be an amazing tribute to jo and ellen, and just all around a great ending. he wouldn’t have to be scared, but he wouldn’t have to conform to some apple pie facade of normalcy. and ya know what?? say that he died so he could have peace i dare you. because dean doesn’t find peace until sam is there anyway so i beg of you WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT.

dean winchester died scared. dean winchester died on a hunt. dean winchester died on one of john’s old hunts. dean winchester died not directly at the hands of a monster, but at the hands of a mistake. his mistake. dean winchester died without ever working through the trauma of his best friend in the entire world confessing his love in a final act of self-sacrifice. dean winchester died in a way that leaves a sour taste in my mouth and does not at all show the audience what he’s been through and how much he’s grown. dean winchester did not die on his terms, and he deserved better.

chidi

okay back to happy. chidi anagonye. by far my personal favorite good place character (don’t tell anyone i always say jason cuz he and i are very similar). chidi in the last few episodes is SO DRASTICALLY different than the chidi we meet at the beginning. he’s decisive, confident, self-assured, and it’s amazing to see. he’s not afraid of life anymore. he’s not afraid to make the wrong decision and forever alter his reality, because he’s okay with failure.

at the beginning, chidi was so petrified of life that… it killed him. and in the end, he’s completely at peace with every decision he makes, even the final one. yes, he considered staying for eleanor, but that just shows how his moral code and his compassion for others is still very much still intact. it shows the audience that you can be confident and decisive without being a selfish asshole.

chidi leaves the good place knowing that it’s the right thing to do. knowing without a doubt that his time has come. the old chidi never would have been able to fathom being that sure about something. it’s beautiful. it’s a development that can give the audience peace, can show them that this drastic of change is possible, and that chidi became a better person for all of it. chidi went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

sam

… this one might be controversial… but sam winchester. god i hated sam’s ending. at first i was kinda okay with it. like, okay fine he got his normal life. but, really, in the end that’s not what sam wanted. he started to realize that he didn’t need that apple pie, white picket fence life. he didn’t need the wife and the kids and the backyard and the barbecues because that is NOT sam’s personality and i will throw hands on that.

that’s not to say he doesn’t want some sort of romance, maybe even kids, but not in that way. he lets himself see that he doesn’t need to be defined by his rebellion to john. doesn’t need to be defined by going to college or any of those “normal” smart kid things because it doesn’t fit him. and that’s okay! but how does sam’s story end? it ends with a wife (that isn’t even important enough to show her face). with kids. with a goddamn white picket fence. we think he’s still hunting to some extent… but it’s not the arc we were led to believe would happen. it’s not this amazing leader sam that we see in season 12-14, uniting hunters and organizing them.

he had SO MUCH potential and they throw it away on a vanilla ending that shows only surface level pain at losing his brother. he doesn’t even invite the rest of their family to the wake for fuck’s sake. jared did an incredible job. pls don’t think i’m saying he didn’t. but that script…. sam winchester’s arc was cut short. he didn’t go on his terms, and he deserved better.

jason

jason mandoza. the only character that has ever embodied my complete dumbass energy to the insane extent that it exists. he went to hell for his impulsivity. he never thought before a decision. i aspire to be as reckless as jason while on earth. but he LEARNED. he got better, just like they all did. and by the end of the show, jason doesn’t need to be impulsive anymore. much like eleanor being left “alone,” the show does a masterful job with making him be the first one to go, capturing his old impulsiveness. but he chooses to leave. he takes his time in deliberation, waiting until a feeling of peace, of completion, of well, ‘true happiness’ (sorry cas stans, i’m right there with you) has settled over him.

the ending of his story is one of growth, just like all these characters have been. and the best part? the show makes it comedic in the most poignant and beautiful way, because it’s jason, it had to be funny. we learn that jason has been in the woods for like, eons, just waiting to go through the door because he wants to give janet a necklace. he’s learned to simply wait. to be at peace with… nothing. his torture was being a monk, but in the end, jason embodies those ideals. his arc comes to fruition in an extremely satisfying way. jason goes on his own terms, and it’s beautiful.

castiel

this one is gonna hurt like a bitch. castiel is my comfort character. he’s my role model. he’s me in a lot of ways. i love him. so fucking much. so excuse me if this is slightly incoherent. i’m actually okay with cas’ ending… in a way. because his actual ending as an on-screen character? perfect. self-sacrifice while coming out and professing his love to dean winchester. a little bit bury the gays, but let’s be real, it’s supernatural. and “happiness is in just saying it” has to be the most powerful way to think of coming out. it takes away the fear, it takes away so much of the pain that can follow. because the joy is in just saying the words.

it’s how this was treated on the show that makes cas’ character arc terrible (and we haven’t even gotten to 15.20). YOU CANNOT JUST IGNORE A LOVE CONFESSION. that is god awful writing and i will never change my mind on that. cas deserved his family to care about him. to at least address and be sad about the fact he was gone. jesus fucking christ after everything castiel deserved at least that. and then we go to 15.20. cas is in heaven. cas is serving god. cas is right back where he started. now, i’m coming off a little strong.

if the show had decided to show us cas and jack in heaven makin’ the world a better place… i woulda come around to it. i woulda realized that that’s not REALLY erasing 12 years of character development and cas realizing that his whole identity isn’t just him serving heaven and isn’t just him being an angel and that he’s so much more than all of that and he could still be happy as a human… because really he’s with his son. but they didn’t show us that. they barely even mentioned him. and to me. that counts as a bad character arc. and i’m sorry if you disagree. castiel may have gone on his own terms, but they treated that beautiful sacrifice with disrespect and disdain, plus resolved his arc by putting him back where he started. he deserved better.

tahani

*deep breaths guys this is a long post i’m sorry* anywayyyy tahani!!! we love tahani obviously. let’s talk about her arc, because it always kinda bothered me. throughout the show, we see all the other character’s growing and expanding their knowledge of right and wrong. and, don’t get me wrong. we see tahani grow a lot. but she makes a lot of the same types of comments and shit like that. but it’s how she treats the reactions to those comments. by the end of the show, she laughs at the caricature of herself that the others see. she isn’t looking for vindication in name-dropping, she just does it. she is far less self-absorbed, and is genuinely interested in those around her. she fixes her relationships with her sister and her parents in a way that doesn’t feel forced and actually feels like a beautiful, healthy family reunion.

she has a list and she does everything on it. it’s worth noting, that the things on her list are not at all what they would have been at the beginning of the show. most of them are humble “labor” type tasks, and all of them are in self improvement. tahani’s end on the show is not the same as everyone else’s. she realizes that she doesn’t need to be done. that there doesn’t have to be an end to self-improvement. and she becomes an architect. the writers perfectly embody her transformation from a self-obsessed rich girl who has never done a thing for herself and laughs at the lower-class to a down-to-earth worker that simply doesn’t want the journey to end.

it’s incredible how perfectly the writers were able to close off these character arc’s without it feeling forced, and without ignoring their character development. imagine that. tahani chooses her own way, and it’s beautiful.

jack

jack’s ending may be the only one that i’ve actually somewhat come to terms with. it’s not terrible. it’s not great. but it’s not nearly as bad. because ignoring that awful monologue about every drop of rain and shit, jack really does end up helping people. he ends up doing something that he loves and that makes the world a better place. and he doesn’t lose his personality in it. but. i dunno, that’s still his destiny, right? to create paradise. and this is a show about ripping up the rule book, about choosing free will above all else… so to have every single character just fulfill their destiny is cheap.

still… i’ll try to be unbiased. because really at the beginning of jack’s time on the show, he’s unsure what he wants. and at least, in the end, he’s sure. he has a wisdom that he’s always had but he’s now using. and i’m good with that. but what’s NOT okay about jack’s ending is the lack of on-screen family. jack learns that family is important. sam, cas, dean those are the people he cares about. and you’re telling me he would just NEVER see them again? and be okay with that? i know he rebuilds heaven with cas, but we don’t even get a story about him rescuing cas from the empty. and he seems in 15.19 to not be that concerned about it (after the amazing emotional scene at the beginning). jack should have cared about his family. he did. but they ruined that for him. so jack kline deserved better.

michael

oh man where do i start. michael’s growth is the biggest on the show. i mean. he starts as a literal demon and ends a human. he gets better, he falls in love with humanity (*castiel fan in me sobbing again*) and he chooses over and over to be good instead of bad. his whole arc is a classic redemption arc, and every single beat just gets better. he chooses selfishly to side with humans but in the end it turns out to be the best decision he could have made. because he develops emotions, he develops compassion, he develops a moral compass.

and his end reflects that. because to complete this arc of a demon becoming more human… he literally becomes human!!!! it fits so well. and he’s allowed to make mistakes and be happy and gain all that humanity has to offer. this just shows that human!endgame for cosmic beings that become more human WORKS SO WELL (and it shoulda happened for cas and jack that’s all i’m saying). michael went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

eileen

oh boy… this one stings. because they brought her back, used her up, and we never saw her again. eileen was one of the best side characters on the show, and they rarely addressed her arc. she comes onto the show as a hunter seeking revenge, and gets that revenge in the same episode. her s15 arc is focused on what’s real and what’s not, with her relationship to sam admittedly being a central part of her character because… it’s supernatural and women can’t exist without that. but still! eileen grows throughout the show and in the end… we don’t even know what happens to her. it’s as if her arc wasn’t important enough to even glance at.

it’s as if the connections the boys make outside of each other mean nothing when in reality they mean everything. they prove that the co-dependency is behind them and that family doesn’t end with blood and that real connections can be formed between people that last a lifetime. eileen was a disabled hunter that was shown to still be one of the best in the business, and they didn’t even give her the courtesy of a goodbye. eileen didn’t go on her own terms, and she deserved better.

janet

this is gonna unbalance my list but goddammit janet’s ending was perfect. she was a not-robot, not-girl that should have been incapable of feelings. but throughout the series we get to watch as she learns first-hand about human emotions and processes them. she cares about the humans in her charge and fights for them on multiple counts.

in the end, we see janet come to terms with both her cosmic being side, and her human side. she never stops being with the “cockroaches.” she sees them all leave, she’s there for them while they’re there, and she also continues to speak her mind and live autonomously. janet was a non-human character done right. she lived on her own terms, and it was beautiful.

some honorable mentions

spn ignored (in the finale) chuck, amara, stevie, charlie, jody, donna, garth, bess, the other angels, claire, kaia, patience, alex, and the list goes ON in favor of focusing on JUST sam and dean. did none of those characters at least deserve a quick goodbye??????

the good place wrapped up multiple arcs i had completely forgotten about in a totally natural and not forced way. mindy, doug forester, (the mushroom guy, i know, it took me a second), pillboy, donkey doug, kamilah, tahani’s parents, eleanor’s mother, eleanor’s friends, chidi’s best friend, vicki, shawn, glenn, simone and so many that i’m forgetting all got satisfying ends that they totally deserved.

they even fucking resolved FROG GUY’S arc and gave him a real frog. that’s right. frog guy (jeff) had a better character arc resolution than dean motherfucking winchester.

heaven and hell

obviously in very different vehicles, both shows explore in depth the realities of the afterlife. and lemme tell ya, at the end of the day, one sits a whole lot better than the other.

the good place finale ends this quest for the perfect afterlife by saying that everyone can improve and that an eternal paradise shouldn’t keep you from eternal rest. they pretty much make me wish that this is what our afterlife looked like. they handle everything with care so it’s balanced precariously in a way that doesn’t give you anxiety looking at it but instead fills you with peace and faith in humanity.

supernatural addresses this series long battle between heaven and hell by creating a heaven where you drive for forty years without seeing the people (cough cough cas and jack not his parents) that matter to you and drink beer that tastes like shit. a place you can’t be happy or find any sense of peace until your brother has died and he’s there too.

and hell… well they barely even address it. there’s a new queen of hell i guess? but so what. it’s still very much heaven and hell in a way that’s the worst and hey plus to them… makes me wanna stay alive thank you very much. oh and purgatory is in shambles and not functioning properly cuz all that eve bullshit.

loose ends

whenever something is ending, you gotta tie up the loose ends. not in a “oh, we must wrap everything up and leave no stone unturned” kinda way but in a “wow, we should probably try to make this unambiguous because this is the last time we will ever see these characters” kinda way.

the good place does that. so fucking masterfully. all these side plots with all these different characters were taken care of all while focusing on the main six characters. we get to see how their intervention has changed everyone else. for example, mindy’s arc is wrapped up perfectly, with eleanor going to save her.

plus different running jokes like “take it sleazy” are wrapped up, we revisit really old callbacks like the original neighborhood, and all of it feels natural and in the moment. it feels like full circle in a way that doesn’t erase growth.

supernatural, on the other hand, left a million loose ends open. what happened to the boys they saved? where the fuck are jody, donna, etc.? did eileen make it back? cuz sam was pretty upset about that. what happened to it “being loud” in the empty? hell, what happened to the empty? what happened to hell? what about chuck? it woulda been nice to see just for a second what became of him. did charlie and stevie make it (i’m very invested in that relationship)? if we’re taking the original ending… why the fuck is jimmy there? did kansas just all,,, die?

i’m not saying they needed to address everything… but god a few wrapped up storylines besides the brothers wouldn’t have hurt

coloring

can i just… real quick… as a giffer lodge a complaint

the good place has beautiful vibrant coloring in the finale

spn has like bland washed out whatever the fuck that is coloring. it’s not even the dark early aesthetic cuz they dropped that it’s just… ew. so. do with that what you will.

conclusion

first… while writing this i realized just HOW MUCH it’s not about destiel… like believe me. i knew i wasn’t just pissed about destiel. but holy shit it’s not destiel at all like did i even mention destiel that much???? this was never about a ship. this was just a trash finale.

in the end. the good place writers knew what they were doing. they knew their fans, they knew their characters, they knew their world, and they knew how to wrap it up in a way that was satisfying and sad and perfectly fit the tone of the whole show. it wasn’t out of character or rushed, basically every loose end was tied up without the audience even realizing that’s what they were doing, and i feel happy and complete having watched it.

the supernatural ending was a betrayal. flat out. to the audience that has stuck by it in a way bigger way than the good place fandom. to the characters that have helped so many people. to the actors that have given so much of their lives. to the other members of the crew, to certain writers… all of it was just a slap in the face.

we deserved better guys. there are better endings possible. so i’m sorry. i really am. but i guess… that’s what fanfic is for, right?

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linkspooky · 4 years

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TogaChako - Good Girl and Bad Girl

Toga Himiko and Uraraka Ochako embody the classic good girl slash bad girl dynamic. It’s a classic dynamic in which one girl will represent what is the traditionally held notions of what a “good girl is” ie/ pure, nice, friendly and the other girl will embody the opposite of that a “bad girl” impure, mean, slutty. Inevitably, these two girls will fight. However, the crux of the good girl bad girl dynamic is that while the girls are total opposites on the outside, inside they’re the same, cuz they’re both girls after all.

Uraraka and Toga are written to be compared, they’re character foils, because the conclusion we’re supposed to come to isn’t one of them is good, one of them is bad, one of them is selfless, one is selfsh. Rather, they’re written so we see it’s the difference in circumstances that made them who they were. Toga became bad because bad things happened to her. Uraraka is good, because she was born into a good life. What makes a bad girl bad and what makes a good girl good? More under the cut.

1. Good Girl

Describe Uraraka Ochako. She’s a normal girl. She’s spunky. She puts other people first. She became a hero to help her parents make money, and feels bad because her motivations aren’t as selfless as say her close friend Izuku Midoriya’s. (But that’s wrong because she literally is being selfless, her reason for becoming a hero has entirely to do with benefitting someone else and not herself). She’s supportive, and friendly. She’s always cheerful and never lets herself get too down.

Uraraka represents the standard of a good girl in hero society. She’s always ready to help her friends, but ultimately she’s kind of passive. She works hard but is not too ambiitous. She’s selfless and always thinks of other people before herself. She has all of these good qualities.

However, I would argue Uraraka is a lot more complex then this. On the surface she seems to be just a good, nice girl who wants to help others, but her internal mechanisms are complex. While yes I agree Uraraka doesn’t have much of an arc so far due to lack of focus, there’s a difference between not having an arc and not being a complex character.

A simple character - what you see is what you get. A complex character - Has internal mechanisms that show the surface isn’t as simple as you thought.

A simple arc - character moves through the plot without changing who they are. A complex arc - character struggles in a way that fores them to change.

Uraraka’s inner mechanisms are complex in that there’s more too her in what we see at the surface, it’s just she hasn’t been challenged in any way. The plot doesn’t address her flaw and try to force her to change.

With that in mind let’s get into Uraraka’s character. Uraraka is defined to her goodness. Uraraka pushes herself to always be good to others. The reason being is that Uraraka is a very sensitive girl who is attune to the feelings of other people.

Uraraka gets serious for just a second, and people remark that she doesn’t seem like her normal self.

Uraraka then immediately backs up and gets embarrassed. She goes out of her way to beat herself up and denigrate herself in front of others, insisting her motivations are much more selfish than people like Ida and Deku.

Uraraka then tells Deku and Iida that she’s not becoming a hero for her own sake, but for someone else’s. Her entire motivation is to help both of her parents live easier lives, because she feels like she’s been a burden on them and pursuing her own dreams would be too selfish.

Uraraka is very secretive of her own feelings. She’s almost afraid to come off as selfish which is why she doesn’t share what her real goal is. Also, when she starts to get a little motivated to accomplish something for herself, everybody around her remarks how different this is from the fun-loving Uraraka they all know. Also, one last detail Uraraka never even talks about herself, and her friends don’t really think to ask, because Uraraka just so naturally makes things about others and not herself.

It’s already been elaborated why the reason Uraraka grew so perceptive. Uraraka’s parents were struggling to make ends meet and she grew up in poverty, and even if she has good parents that try really hard not to let the effect of this struggle show in front of her, Uraraka saw it anyway because kids are always watching their parents.

Uraraka learned to be sensitive to her parents needs, to never demand too much for her parents, her behaviors all became centered around not becoming a burden to others.

Uraraka thinks it’s only natural to put others first and help others before helping herself. That other people’s happiness is more important than her own. Because she’s someone naturally empathic. Because she’s someone naturally able to see the pain and struggle other people go through, because she grew up seeing it. However, the problem with this behavior is it makes Uraraka essentially a support to everyone else.

Uraraka is constantly putting others up on a pedestal and using that as an excuse to lower herself further and further. As cute as her admiration for Deku is, it’s also a bit unhealthy - as she uses it as an excuse to beat herself up. She sees Deku as this amazing person, whose always struggling to help everyone, whose always saving everyone for completely selfless reasons and she always suffers in the comparison.

I think part of Uraraka wants to stand out like Deku does, and has the same desire to go all out to save people, but Uraraka is so used to being secondary in her own life she can’t bring herself to.

Uraraka can’t even cry in front of others. I think, the most telling behavior she has in the entire series is the moment where she breaks down on the phone describing everything she did wrong because this is how Uraraka sees herself. She’s so extremely critical of herself, and constantly apologizing for herself, while at the same time hiding what she really feels from others.

Uraraka has all these self esteem issues that she basically just shelves so she can play the good, nice girl, that gets along well and is friends with everyone.

Uraraka assigns the role of group placater and peacemaker for herself because it’s something she’s so naturally good at and she’s always thinking of others, but because of that, Uraraka herself suffers. Uraraka only knows how to help people by belittling herself and her own role in things.

Uraraka’s greatest fear is being selfish. She doesn’t want to look like a bad girl. That’s the connection between Toga and Uraraka, because what Uraraka is afraid of ultimately is living her life the way Toga does.

2. Bad Girl

Toga is everything that Uraraka is afraid of being, and lives the life that Uraraka is afraid of living. Uraraka is someone so afraid of being selfish, and getting distracted that she is not even allowed to have a crush on a boy. Whereas, Toga lives her life chasing what she loves. Everything Uraraka represses about herself, Toga expresses. That’s the difference between the two of them.

When Uraraka first encounters Toga, her willingness to chase what she loves looks from Uraraka’s perspective to be entirely monstrous. Uraraka sees Toga as a selfish monster, because in part she is afraid of appearing that way.

Toga Himiko the bad girl.

However that’s far from the whole picture of Toga. When we see her away from Uraraka’s perspective she’s entirely different. She’s someone empathic, capable of being kind to others, and thinking about others feelings.

Toga’s just as capable of reading other people and addressing their feelings as Uraraka is. However, there’s still a key difference in their behavior. Uraraka acts to avoid conflict. When she intervenes, what she usually does is act in a way that avoids stepping on toes, and touts the “we should all get along and be friends’ line. Whereas, Toga is someone who directly addresses the conflict and the hurt feelings of others.

For Uraraka the most important thing is getting along with others. For Toga the most important thing is being true to her own emotions. Which is why she’s able to directly address the problem with Twice, she didn’t tell him to bear with it, she told him she knew he was in pain but that the two of them could take down the mafia together.

Even Himiko’s most selfish monster moments aren’t really that monstrous. Himiko’s reason for stalking both Uraraka and Deku is not because she’s weird and creepy, but because she wants to be a normal kid just like them.

Himiko’s reason for sucking the blood of high school girls and taking on their appearances isn’t because she’s preadtory, it’s because she’s been a runaway with no home for two years and she’s terrified of getting caught.

Himiko who is framed as a selfish monster, is actually quite the normal girl. She’s a normal girl reacting to the pressures of the society around her. The kicker is that Himiko isn’t someone who just decided to flip and turn out this way, she is only the way she is because she tried to live like Uraraka did at first.

Himiko tried to push everything down and live like a normal girl. She tried to lie about herself so she’d be a good, nice, harmless girl. She only became so selfish, because she tried to live selflessly first. She only prioritizes herself, because she was used to putting herself down before this. We see her classmates react to her, they all describe Himiko was the kind of girl that Uraraka is right now.

However, behaviors in Uraraka that are self-defeating and unhealthy, are absolutely ruinous in Himiko. Himiko has no sense of self, because she spent so long trying to be what others wanted her to be. Himiko is who she is, in reaction to the pressures of everyone around her.

When Himiko tries to figure herself out, she always gets the same response. Why do you have be so selfish? Why can’t you just act normal? Which completely ignores the fact that she TRIED and that’s what got her here.

The main difference between Uraraka and Toga is not one of them being good, and the other being bad. Toga’s been through way harsher life circumstances. Uraraka has parents that affirm her identity, and Toga’s parents deny her over and over again.

The point of the good girl bad girl dynamic is that they’re both girls in the end. Yes, Uraraka’s never reacted as badly as Himiko has. However, Uraraka’s also never been pushed so far. In fact someone as empathic as Uraraka can be oblivious to the suffering of others.

Uraraka doesn’t see what Himiko is going through, because she hasn’t suffered the way Himiko has.

It’s like. When you have a good sibling and a bad sibling. The good sibling always behaves because they conform to the pressure their parents put on them. The bad sibling acts out in response to that pressure, and because of that their parents have to discipline them and they end up soaking up most of the parent’s attention. In that situation the good sibling can come to ressent the bad sibling for acting out and needing attention in the first place.

Reasonable child and unreasonable child. There exist these black and white categories to define children into where one looks good and one looks bad, that actually totally fail to address the child’s behavior because people are complex and therefore don’t fit into black and white categories. But, Uraraka is still working with that black and white logic when it comes to heroes and villains. Even though she’s usually so good at sussing out the complex nuance of other people’s feelings.

This is what’s happening here in this chapter. You can apply the dynamic between the two of them to the conflict at large. Toga is selfish for acting out and causing problems for others, because she wants her own personal grievances to be addressed. Uraraka is sefless because all she cares about right now is helping the most amount of people. Uraraka is willing to repress herself, and put others needs before her own, because what’s most important is everybody gets along.

However, Uraraka insinuates, the same way that Himiko’s parents once insinuated that Himiko’s acting out just makes her selfish.

We’ve seen this conflict before. Himiko literally went into the conflict to ask this question. Do problem children like her count as “everyone”. However, no matter what happens this arc, no matter what critcisisms the villains levvy against the heroes we get the same hollow repettition of “Heroes save everyone”. Which is why Himiko looks just about to snap here.

Uraraka who is used to brushing conflicts aside and avoiding them for the sake of “everyone gettling along” sees the girl who can’t get along with “everyone” and calls her selfish. To Himiko, this is the same words she’s been hearing her entire life. “Why are you making a fuss? Why can’t you just be normal.”

From one perspective, yes Uraraka is the one fighting seflessly because she’s just trying to save as many people as she can and Himiko is getting in the way of things. However, Himiko is someone who grasps the bigger picture. Himiko addresses the problem directly rather than sweeping it under the rug, there are people who aren’t saved by the hero system. Those people are just as in need of saving as what heroes deem to be innocent people. You can’t claim to save everyone and then ignore the suffering of people you deem as “bad”. Himiko seems like she’s acting selfishly, but then again she’s acting for the sake of people like Jin who died because heroes insisted that his life was less important.

Uraraka is at the same time very perceptive to the suffering of others, and also very oblivious, and it has much more to do with personal hangups than anything else. She doesn’t want to see Himiko as someone similiar to her, because Uraraka is someone so deathly afraid of coming off as selfish. To the point that she treats people with genuine grievances against society as selfish childrens making demands for atttention.

Uraraka is the one who can’t face herself, and therefore the answer she gives Himiko is to the effect of “Shut up and deal with it.” It’s a very personal thing for Uraraka once you realize that Uraraka has also been shutting herself up all this time, pushing herself down, always letting people walk all over. Uraraka is capable of putting herself aside for the sake of others, so as a result she sees people who can’t put themselves aside as selfish.

“I can do it, so why can’t you? Why can’t you be normal?”

I hammer down so hard on this point because there’s a difference between placating and conflict resolution.

Placating comes from a place of “I want the conflict to go away” or “I want the hurt feelings to go away.” Placating is just saying whatever you think the person you’re talking to wants to hear in order to please them. It’s behavior that’s based entirely around avoiding conflict. Uraraka placates, she sweeps it under the rug, she swallows her grievances for the point of everyone happily getting along together.

This placating also applies to the hero system at large. It’s not really designed to save everyone, so much as make the vast majority of people feel safe at the cost of the minority.

When there is a problem does Hero society directly address the issue? Or do they sweep it under the rug for the appearance of everyone getting along?

I think the fact that every time a villain brings up a problem this arc, the heroes just shout “Heros save everyone” and “Heroes never give up” is evidence of the latter. That’s why, when Uraraka says it, when Hawks says it, “Heroes save everyone” just comes off as hollow because in the very same breath they both make it clear that Toga and Twice are not part of the everyone who gets saved.

#himiko toga #uraraka ochako #mha meta #my hero academia meta #my hero academia #mha 288 #mha 288 spoilers #bnha 288 #bnha 288 spoilers #himiko #uraraka #ochaco #ochaco uraraka #toga himiko

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monster-bait · 3 years

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Anzan the Drider Head Canons; ko-fi request

My patrons got to read these a few days ago, courtesy of @1wren79′s ko-fi request!

Warning for driders, if you’re arachnophobic, this is your chance to keep scrolling!

(featured art by @ilustrariane)

Before finding his way to Ladybug, he’d not had the luxury of a stable home since his adolescence. Once they come of age, unmated males are turned out of their communities, like baby birds being pushed from the nest. The reason is two-fold: no self-respecting elder wants their own mates sniffing out the potent scent of a younger male’s sex pheromones, aka the olfactory equivalent of a lighted billboard advertising FREE YOUNG COCK, HELP YOURSELF. Potent, demanding...Ladybug literally goes cross-eyed from the smell of him! 😂 As those sorts of public advertisements of virility were less than appreciated by the community at large, the youngins have to go. The other angle of it: as Anzan tells Ladybug, marriages are a tightly brokered business. Securing a good match for one’s son or daughter requires both money and influence in an extremely competitive and harsh culture. Families begin working to secure these all-important, highly-coveted matches as soon as drider babies are born. To have a son reach mating age without having a secured marriage contract is a sign of poor standing, of limited resources, a family’s shame; shame they are eager to be rid of.

Anzan works in tech, as a network security specialist. Ladybug is *shocked* when she learns he has a lucrative career. Even though his rent was always paid on time, she never really considered where his money was coming from. (Like...did she think he was just in her attic lifting weights for six months?) ((to be fair, he was probably lifting weights part of the time...I mean, look at him!)) She feels rather foolish once they’re together as a couple—she took in a boarder to keep from losing her house, while said boarder could easily buy her house several times over. Despite his comfortable circumstances, he is very used to living on the fringes and going without.

Drider courting culture is all about gifts and tokens (even though matches are secured early, traditional courting customs are observed.) Drider culture is largely matriarchal, with the females at the top of the family. Daughters are prized, as bride prices can lift a family from one social stratum to another, and males are expected to show their worth through gifts during courting. Having someone to spoil is a *revelation.* Anzan has a hard time breaking out of the mindset that his role is to provide for Ladybug in every way—do the shopping, protect their home, procure anything she might need so that she does not have to leave the safety of their home (because again: mates are prized and jealously guarded.) He defers to her in almost everything. She thinks it’s because he feels insecure in their relationship and with living in the town, and that’s part of it, although it’s a much smaller part than she assumes. Deferring to the household female is simply the mindset with which he was raised, and having someone to buy gifts for makes him giddy. (As giddy as Anzan gets, which is still 😐.)

Conversely, the coven in which Ladybug was raised places more importance on acts of service. If you got my newsletter this past weekend, you know all about love languages! Ladybug is a bit bewildered by the gifts at first, again, because she has different assumptions about why he’s buying her things, but as their relationship progresses, their love languages begin to meld. His gifts become less material and *very* specific to her—a bouquet of wildflowers she’s not familiar with (she decides she doesn’t want to contemplate where he found them, and definitely doesn’t want to contemplate him trespassing at Applethorpe Manor in the middle of the night to pilfer their garden,) or a typically hard-to-find potion ingredient, and he begins to pick up on her desire for “acts of service”—taking on some of the restoration and repair work around the house, constructing her outdoor sabbath shelter and assisting in her ceremonies. She buys him a giant sampler of fancy coffees for their first Yule together, and he is tickled pink to be on the receiving end of a gift, particularly one that he loves. (Tickled pink: 😐) His antics with the flowers are a Plot Point™ in an upcoming Monster Match revisit of Alder the ghillie dhu, which will be posting in the next week or so!)

He LOVES movies. Part of “living on the fringes” meant going without traditional entertainment, and now he can’t get enough. He’s always shocked by the twists and turns in thrillers, develops a passion for foreign vampire costume dramas, can’t get enough of human-nonhuman buddy comedies. He’s turned part of the cellar into a home theater, and Ladybug loves indulging him in snuggling at his side to watch True Crime Dramas and Lizardperson nature documentaries. Big giant drider boyfriend utterly spellbound by totally predictable romcoms? It's more likely than you think!

As you already know from the Wheel of the Year stories, he outwardly has a hard time showing his emotions, but it’s worth remembering that the series is from Ladybug’s POV. To him, humans are OVER THE TOP in their emotional displays, and he’s the normal one. His stoicism does tend to lead to communication breakdowns in their relationship, but it’s very much a two-way issue. In general, he’s getting better at letting Ladybug into his head, and under that stern countenance, there's a very wicked sense of humor hiding. He possesses a “the ends justify the means” streak a mile wide, and I think Ladybug would be horrified at the ease with which he was willing to commit petty crimes.

Driders are not readily accepted into mixed societies, as they’re thought of as being hyper aggressive, extremely calculating, and generally vicious...reputations that largely stem from the lengths families will go to in order to secure marriages for their offspring. As a result, those males who are turned out of their communities are set up for solitary lives as outsiders, with no expectations of ever being accepted anywhere. Cambric Creek is a very rare community for accepting driders within the city’s confines, and even then it’s only just. Anzan and Philomel are the only driders in Cambric Creek, and Anzan is the only one who lives in town. (Philomel lives on the outskirts of town, practically in the woods. As Lettie says in The Watchers: “she’s running from some man or her family.” Lettie’s not wrong.) The residents of Cambric Creek juuuuust barely tolerates their drider neighbors, and that’s with both driders keeping mostly to themselves. Anzan and Philomel are both rarely seen, they both work from home, and typically leave their homes only at night. Neither are nocturnal, but they’re not immune to the whispers and fear from their neighbors, and take pains to minimize contact with others.

I’ve tried to give Cambric Creek a glossy veneer: everyone talks about how inclusive and welcoming it is, the housing market is extrememly competitive, the schools are well-funded and well-regarded for inclusivity, everyone is crunchy granola impressed with themselves...but if you look beneath the surface, the residents have their fair share of prejudices and pre-conceived notions. Anzan and Ladybug appear in Parties, glimpsed by Tate during his very first visit to that made-up place Silva lives, Corduroy Falls (insert Silva’s eyeroll here), and his immediate reaction is CALL THE POLICE, THERE’S A DRIDER. They are *not* a common species to see out and about, so Anzan is very much a fish out of water in our story, and that impacts the way he lives, as his main concern is for Ladybug, how she’s perceived, and keeping her safe. Spirits save the fool who ever thinks to do her harm, for the assumption that driders are aggressive and violent is not completely unfounded.

The resident of Slade Manor only *thinks* she’s spying on the drider next door. From his vantage point in the attic, Anzan spies on her all day long 😂 He is stealthy and sneaky and snoopy, and knows more about the neighbors than any of them realize.

Thanks so much, @1wren79, this was a lot of fun!

If you have a burning desire to know how Bodi the Lizardman shops for pants or how Tate takes his tea, all ko-fi contributions earn a headcanon for the character of your choosing! (Length/complexity based on ko-fi amount, ko-fi in header)

#Exophilia #monster boyfriend #drider #drider boyfriend #monster x human #monster x f human #monster lover

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

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What if Bella had met the Volturi's as a child? What would it change and what ties do you think it would have?

It’d change a fair amount, as in, the entire plot of Twilight would have been derailed. Or, that is, it might change nothing at all.

So, we have three options here.

Nothing Changes

Bella is an extraordinarily delicious child visiting Italy and the small medieval town of Volterra.

If Bella doesn’t happen to be on the tour, probably whoever’s looking at her sighs, looks longingly at her delicious blood, and then walks away. The Volturi do not lose control in their own city.

Bella goes on her merry way and Twilight presumably happens. Except maybe Bella goes to Alice, “Oh yeah, Volterra, I went there once. Nifty place, nice buildings.” Alice stares.

Bella’s Eaten

Bella’s an extraordinarily delicious child whose mother thinks it’s a great idea to sign them up for the tour of Volterra castle. It’s a very exclusive tour you know! Bella’s eaten almost immediately, she’s probably fought over, Jane gets one limb and Alec gets another.

Years later, Edward arrives in Forks, his personal purgatory where he listens to the banal thoughts of teenagers. Bella Swan does not arrive. Edward continues to be miserable and depressed.

The Cullens have a game of baseball with James, Laurent, and Victoria. Unfortunately, James recognizes Alice, and is intrigued enough to come after her. Unfortunately, Alice is a vampire and not a human with human relatives to hold hostage. The Cullens murder him, Laurent flees to have sex with the sexy Denali ladies, and Victoria swears vengeance upon Jasper.

Unfortunately, her gift tells her that any attempt to murder Jasper will end up with her dead. Jasper doesn’t give her the time needed to plan. He hunts her down and murders her in cold blood.

Carlisle has the world’s worst weekend.

Edward is still depressed and concludes this is why vampires are abominations without souls. Irina gets to keep her boyfriend, he cheats on the diet and leaves within the year. Irina drowns herself in rebound sex with pretty mortals to try and feel better abou tbeing dumped. It doesn’t work.

Aro Discovers Bella

And this is probably the route you were thinking of.

Perhaps Aro’s taking a midnight stroll with Renata, perhaps he catches Bella on the tour, but somehow he manages to meet her and happens to brush her hand. Suddenly, eating Bella is off the table forever.

Bella’s gift isn’t game changing in the way Alec and Jane’s were, necessarily, but it is something Aro does not want falling into enemy hands and something he may one day need.

He’d probably do something similar to what he intended to do with Alec and Jane. He’d leave her to live her mortal life, keep close tabs on her, and turn her when she’s a young adult (probably around twenty).

Which means Bella returns to America, probably tailed by Demetri, and has no awareness that she is at some poing going to become an immortral blood drinking creature and move to Italy to become a member of an ancient vampire sect.

Bella moves to Forks, she has a run in with Edward Cullen who very nearly eats her, Demetri calls Aro to say “we have a problem”. At first, Aro isn’t too concerned, he’s delighted to hear that Carlisle’s alive and well and my god he has a coven now. Given Edward is Carlisle’s progeny, Aro is probably sure Edward will leave the city completely to avoid temptation and the others will quickly move on.

Edward’s back within the week. He attends school. He sits within a foot of Bella Swan in Biology class.

Demetri at this point probably summons Bella out of school in the middle of Biology with no warning, gets her the hell away from Edward, and has to come up with the world’s most ridiculous lie of why she should never enter within 20 feet of Edward Cullen ever again.

Demetri is a federal agent and Edward is under suspicion of being a sexual predator and serial murderer. Here are all the women who have disappeared in various towns the Cullen family have lived in.

Bella is of course horrified and shocked, but given Edward’s reaction in that first Biology class and his weirdness in the second one...

Aro calls Carlisle. It’s a very awkward talk. Carlisle apologizes for not writing in forever he got... distracted. Aro says it’s fine, no big, CARLISLE MISSED WATCHING THE MOON LANDING WITH HIM. But regardless, Aro is calling to ask him what the fuck.

Aro tells him about Bella, Carlisle is very uncomfortable with this girl having no choice but to become a vampire and no idea what’s going to happen to her, but there’s no talking Aro out of it. He’s even more uncomfortable that he has been begging Edward to skip town but, for some unknown reason that is perhaps pride, Edward is refusing.

“All these worlds are yours,” Aro undoubtedly says, “Except Europa, attempt no landing there.”

In other words, hands off Isabella Swan.

Carlisle tells Edward. Edward is appalled and conflicted. At this point, he’s unwillingly fascinated by Bella but has not yet decided he’s in love. He doesn’t quite have her Carlisle persona crafted yet and so she’s not the saintly figure deserving of worship. Right now she’s just this plain, boring, girl who dared to smell delicious.

So, a part of him thinks it serves her right. Now she will suffer for all eternity as he does. More, he can save face, the monster inside him can go back to sleep for her days are number and he can pretend he’s the wonderful person everyone thinks he is. Everything will remain as exactly as it is. EDWARD IS FINE, THIS IS FINE.

Another part of him panics. First, this girl is condemned to the worst future imaginable. Not only is she becoming a demon, but a blood drinking demon at Blood Drinking Demon HQ. More, if she becomes a vampire, no blood for Edward. And remember, this is a scent he would scour the world for. Edward salivates over the thought of her blood, obsesses over it constantly, and fantasizes over how he will devour her. Suddenly, Edward may not be able to eat her. In canon, the option of eating her is always on the table, and some part of Edward is always thinking about it, always leaving it open. Here, it’s soon to be gone.

Edward probably sneaks into her room at night to watch over her sleep. Telling himself he’s protecting her from meteors but also realizing that he’s there to test his own will power and ponder over the future in which he quietly eats her in the middle of the night.

Now, this can go two ways

Bella wakes up, and that guy Demetri said is a sexual predator targeting her is IN HER BEDROOM LOOKING SCARY AS FUCK. Bella undoubtedly screams bloody murder and tries to hit Edward with something.

Edward panics at the noise and eats her. Then when Charlie comes running he eats Charlie Swan too. The house is an utter blood bath, Edward stands there in a daze knowing the monster inside him has won. He no longer looks anything like Carlisle Cullen (this is a thing Edward does).

Probably though, Demetri is there. Which means Edward has heard his thoughts from the beginning. While Edward has the overconfidence of Gilderoy Lockhart, and tells Bella things like the laws of physics not applying to his driving or that he could beat Jasper in a fight with both hands tied behind his back, usually when push comes to shove he knows where he stands. (He tries to fight Jane in Volterra, it doesn’t go well, and he acts very meek at being confronted by Jane, Felix, etc. When he fights Victoria, he doesn’t fight at all, but just blathers nonsense and it somehow works out for him.)

So, while Edward will tell Jasper later that he totally could have taken Demetri, he’s not going to try.

So, instead, Demetri goes, “Hey buddy, looking for a midnight snack?” and Edward shuffles and petulantly asks, “Aren’t you looking for a midnight snack?!” Edward’s here to protect Bella, you see. Demetri just nods, of course, Edward’s here to protect Bella.

They stare at each other.

Neither leaves.

Eventually, Edward slinks away, feeling very disgusted with himself, angry and Demetri, and internally raging that he didn’t get to eat Bella.

Demetri calls Aro and notes that they’ve got to turn the girl. Demetri cannot watch her 24/7 and this boy is 100% going to eat her. Aro hops on a plane in record time, bringing Renata, and makes an awkward visit to both Carlisle and Bella.

Aro tells Bella the truth about Edward which is... a little different but also pretty scary, the truth about what’s going to happen to her and why it’s important, and anything else she wants to know.

I imagine Bella quietly and stoically accepts her fate.

Edward doesn’t get to eat Bella Swan. He feels very conflicted about it and is filled with self-loathing that he’s conflicted about it. I imagine the Madonna complex he holds for Bella blossoms at this point, and he later comes to Italy with the intent to free her from the Volturi clutches.

This doesn’t work out.

Knowing Edward, his attempts increase in desperation until, finally, he does something very illegal in an attempt to free her and make up for damning her to this life.

The Volturi are forced to execute Edward.

Carlisle gets yet another awkward, terrible, phone call from Aro.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #aro #the volturi #bella swan #demetri #carlisle cullen #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #anti edward/bella #meta #headcanon #opinion

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ganymedesclock · 3 years

Text

Since people seemed to really like my Danny Phantom thoughts, here’s another:

Fentonworks’ ghost tech is shown/stated to run on ectoplasm and most of it glows or lights up in a very ghostly manner. However, in episode 1, at a point when Jack and Maddie have already made a lot of working ghost technology including the Ops Centre, Jack claims that he’s never seen a ghost properly yet, so he’s not- as possibly implied by later episodes and their inventions- harvesting ghosts for power.

(also that invention is... really weird, because in practice we don’t really ever see Jack or Maddie do anything to a ghost that’s harsher or crueler than something Danny does to them. During the Girls’ Night Out b-plot, Jack has Skulker totally at his mercy and just lets him go, so... weird flex.)

So, where does the ectoplasm come from? Well, here’s something of interest... the main time that Fentonworks tech goes ‘wrong’, it’s never depicted as an out-and-out dud. (the closest it comes is the fenton portal and fenton thermos, both of which work perfectly once they’re hooked up to Danny as a reagent- the latter just seems to need him to spark it the first time and it’s later used by normal people. But I’ll talk about my theory about portals and blood sacrifices later)

For the most part, this stuff tends to either work in an unexpected way, or display a rowdy temperament. Whether this is the Fenton Ghost Finder cheerfully insulting Jack, or the unnamed machine in Killer Garage Sale that animates food rather than cooks it. To linger briefly on the second example, it’s worth noting that ‘turning food into living monsters’ is a known ghost power. The Lunch Lady attacks Danny with meat monsters in her first appearance, Mystery Meat.

So, if this is not evidence of ghosts trapped inside the technology because Jack hasn’t caught a ghost and there’s no evidence Maddie would be doing that and keeping it secret from Jack, it still is interesting that the ‘anti-ghost technology’ acts so ghostly itself.

A hypothesis: what if the Fentonworks ghost technology is basically artificially cultivated tsukumogami? The main thing that’s shown to be effective on ghosts is other ghosts- that’s the whole conceit of the plot. So maybe, the ghost hunters in the setting are already doing that- just rather than turning themselves into ghosts, cultivating a sort of ‘false ghost’ inside of a shell. This would imply why a lot of the more talkative tech in the DP universe seems to have a pretty strong mind of its own (see, the Maddie holograms). Hilariously, this also would suggest the possibility that the less animate ghost tech can misbehave or weird out on you purely because it doesn’t like you, or you offended it one way or another.

#Danny Phantom

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absolutebl · 3 years

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This Week In BL

June 2021 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Y-Destiny Ep 11 - a timeslip friends-to-lovers episode, interesting. I do like that YD is exploring unique concepts for BL. I thought the use of anime for the past rather than child actors was smart given the subtext, but wtf subtext? Switching to English in times of extreme intimacy was fun too, although I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe because it threw up a culture contrast between the language and the innately Thai gestures they were doing at the same time (like the cheek snuffle)? (On a side note did you notice how extremely articulate both actors were with Thai as well as English? Very pretty orators, these two.) I really like this pair A LOT. The plot though? Ohboy. Childish innocent in body of adult but... is actually a child? Gives creepy a new meaning. I keep thinking about the 80s movie Big. That scene didn’t work in Big either. (It’s a bummer because it really does work as a couple of teens discovering their sexuality.)

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 10 - Mork finally has a reason for liking Pi, it’s just weak. Maybe that’s where my annoyance comes from, this is a weak show with poor story but good actors and GMMTV’s money, a contrast that makes it consistently disappointing. Like My Gear and Your Gown all over again, only worse. They didn’t need to shoehorn secret relationship trope into this series at all, but they did just to get situational comedy and that’s not an adequate reason. This show is a bummer because Phuwin really acts a great goofball, and Pond does noble pining well, the script is just failing them.

Top Secret Together Ep 5 - dropped with subs this week (yeah!) and introduced a new couple (totally unnecessary). I always think an excess of couples means they don’t have confidence in the main pair, which doesn’t makes sense with this show, since everyone is solid. Anyway, we getting bloated in a Gen Y kinda way but I’m stil enjoying it. My favorites got an “outsider assumes you’re a couple” moment which made me happy.

Nitiman Ep 6 - There’s a lot of limping in this BL. Yes yes injured ankles = allegory for limping injured relationship, I gets it. Then they doused us with singing feelings + lots of moot pining. Plus surprise Kao (from Oxygen) and, since it’s ep 6, a kiss. It was a lot but this is still my favorite BL right now. It’s so flipping D/s, alright? Jin was like “Bbomb, you can’t commit to being a Dom and then absent yourself from care responsibilities, even as a punishment, you gotta communicate.” Look at my boy dolling out kink life lessons. I love Jin. I love this flirty confused af big bi baby. Okay? Okay. Still, what inquiring minds want to know is: Will we ever know what is UP with Kheam (or whether to spell his name with or without the h)?

Side note: I know it’s a pipe dream at this juncture but seeing Turbo in Nitman (Jay) I really do think he’d be a great Izumi if Thailand ever does do that remake of Love Stage. I want them to do the original (manga or anime) mind you, not the live action version. And Kaownah would make for a lovable puppy-ish Ryouma. Ah well, if wishes were BLs... there’d be a lot more Thai adaptations of Japanese yaoi in my life in general.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Monster in Law AKA Mẹ Chồn Dâu Cáo (Vietnam) Ep 6 - continues to be cute (slow to sub but cute). Oh the trials of gay domesticity. I love it when a show justifies my own intense dislike of both marriage and children. So far this one is doing that while still managing to bring on the queer af family charm.

Love is Science? (Taiwan) Ep 11 (BL subplot) - DELAYED, but a new one is supposed to drop next week. Good thing too, I was going into cute-suit withdrawal.

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 5 - possibly one of the sexiest yet sweetest versions of the wet towel sponge bath trope I’ve seen in a long time. Plus I love how well they are redeeming the tsundere uke and the grumpy seme by making them both, secretly, the biggest softies ever. I take back what I said last week about this not being a favorite. This ep was a game changer. This show is great and I am so grateful we’re getting a full 12 eps of it.

Friend or Lover (Taiwan) Ep 3 - been waiting for this for a while, indie project that they seem to drop only once a month or so. It’s really sweet low budget but quite Taiwanese so enjoyable.

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 10 fin - sad to see this one end but it’s really good! You Are Ma Boy might still be my favorite from Vietnam but this show really had some crazy great queer rep, so I gotta give it extra rainbow stars. Full review here. RECOMMENDED with reservations.

Breaking News

Gaya Sa Pelikula AKA Like in the Movies announced a 3 part special airing June 11, 18, 25 on Globe Studio’s YouTube channel. It’s a “making of” BTS.

Lovely Writer special ep aired on June 9th. It was cute if largely unnecessary. Like the Cherry Magic special episodes, this one is fine if you want to track it down but you’re not missing much.

Made in Rooftop is a new Korean BL that I can’t believe I didn’t know was coming! It looks a bit like Korea does a light, bright version of Life: Love on the Line. Could lean a bit Queer as Folk? We got us a manic pixie dream boy + upright serious (but lost) out gay characters. MDL has it listed as a movie, their description is pants, but this trailer on Insta gives an idea what it’s about (trailer is also on YouTube but may not last there). Thanks to @crapyouknowme for the tip.

Gossip

Just a quick update to add I just learned about Fahlanruk the series (AKA Fhalanruk) form @heretherebedork. It’s slated for 2022 but it already has a fundraising trailer. Looks to be a strong contender in the Thai BL pulp arena. It’s using tropes we rarely see for the mains (one night stand + friends with benefits), and it tonally seems like a combination of Nitiman and the Y-Destiny players episode. I like sexually messy and identity confused college dramas (Love Mechanics for the win) but none of this is popular with BL main, and I suspect tastemakers know that. So Fahlanruk might struggle to find funding.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International subs accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

(I had to include this quote from Top Secret Together because I love it so much. It is such a classic grumpy seme complaining about a puppy uke.)

#asian bl #asianbl #thaibl #thai bl #Y-Destiny #Fish Upon The Sky #Top Secret Together #Nitiman the series #Taiwanese BL #Be Loved in House: I Do #My Lascivious Boss #Vietnamese BL #Monster in Law #Lovely Writer special EP #lovely writer #episode recaps #Gaya Sa Pelikula #Made in Rooftop #Fahlanruk

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twdeadfanfic · 3 years

Text

Vows Pt.5

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Series Summary:

The last battle with Negan doesn’t go as it should, with Negan coming on top, and so reader, Daryl’s girlfriend, offers herself as a wife to Negan if he doesn’t kill Daryl or anyone else. Negan accepts, he won’t kill anyone but will take reader as a wife, and he’ll take Daryl and some of the others to the Sanctuary as prisoners, promising not to hurt anyone if reader is one of his wives and the communities work for him.

This has both flashbacks to reader and Daryl’s story since meeting to now, and the present with reader living at the Sanctuary as a wife, trying to keep Daryl and their people safe, and she and the other wives dealing with Negan, plotting… (This is not a Negan x reader fic!)

90% of this chapter is the second part of the flashback from last chapter, when Daryl and reader met pre-show.

A couple more days passed, two, three, you weren’t sure, the days blurred a bit when you stayed inside that room doing the same every day. You were allowed to leave, if one of the guards went with you and you told Negan beforehand and why, but nobody usually bothered. There wasn’t much to do or to see at the Sanctuary anyway, just sadness.

Frankie had left today, she was going to see her brother, she was allowed to go talk to him every other day, she kept Negan happy with her massages and with everything else. When she came back, she seemed mad, closing the door behind her with a loud bang, startling you all.

“Where’s that prick?!”

“She’s in the bedroom with Tanya…” Lila said and Frankie didn’t say anything, making her way to the door, seeming murderous angry, but Abby stepped in front of her, stopping her and grabbing her arms,

“What happened?”

“That prick has my brother working on the fence! I almost saw him getting bitten! I fuck that prick, my brother shouldn’t have to do shit like that!” Frankie yelled, fuming. “Get out of my way!”

Frankie tried to walk past Abby and to Negan’s bedroom, but Abby grabbed her arms again, dragging her back. “Whatever you want to do, don’t! You know what will happen! He’ll kill you, your brother, and everyone else of your family!”

Frankie struggled again, but then the door opened and Negan walked inside, half-dressed, with Tanya following him, looking at all of you wide-eyed.

“What the hell’s going on?! What’s all that fucking noise and yelling?!” Negan asked, and then he noticed Frankie and Abby, who was still grabbing her arms.

You were afraid that Frankie was going to do something, but it seemed that Abby has gotten to her and she didn’t say anything. She broke free from Abby’s grasp and went to her room, ignoring Negan.

Negan frowned at Frankie’s closed door and then looked at Abby. “What was all this shit about?”

“She and I…we just had a disagreement, nothing to worry about.” Abby shrugged.

“A disagreement?” Negan rolled his eyes. “Women, can’t live together without can fighting over shit.” He chuckled. “What have I told you all about that? Not unless you’re naked in front of me and covered in oil.”

“I’ll remember it for the next time.” Abby winked at Negan and gave him one of those seductive smiles that you didn’t know how she could pull off like that.

“What were you fighting about anyway, girls,” Negan said while pouring himself a glass of whiskey and flopping down onto an armchair.

“This.” Abby waved at herself. “It’s one of the new dresses that you brought us from Alexandria. Frankie said that she wanted it but I think it looks way better on me…it’s not my fault that Frankie doesn’t have these boobs.” Abby shrugged and you almost clapped at the act.

“Abby, sweetheart, you look fucking delicious.” Negan looked her up and down, smirking. “But, fighting over a dress? You all have more than enough, can you all girls play nice and share?”

“Share?” Abby moved closer to Negan, and then she straddled his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and making Negan smile wider. “I’d say we share enough here…”

“Mmm…someone’s getting jealous?” Negan purred and Abby shrugged before kissing him, and you really did not want to watch them making out, but it was also kind of fascinating to see Abby like that, when she was all the time talking shit about Negan. You wondered once again how these women did it.

“I know I’m the best fuck in here anyway…admit it,” Abby murmured as he started to kiss Negan’s neck.

“Now, now, darling, that’s not a nice thing to say in front of all my other wives…” Negan said, placing her hands on Abby’s hips.

“Maybe I’ll show them, then…” Abby began to rock on Negan’s lap, grinding on him, and you finally looked away, wondering if they were just going to fuck there. That’d be a first, but it wouldn’t really surprise you.

“Sounds tempting but I don’t want more jealousy and catfights.” You heard Negan saying and you wondered if he really thought that any of you would care if he fucked someone else and spared you.

You heard Negan moving and Abby chuckling, and you looked at them. He had gotten up, lifting Abby with him, her long legs wrapped around his waist and his arms around his neck, and he walked to his bedroom.

“Well…” Tanya began once the door was closed and they were gone. “He can be a smart guy sometimes, but most times his cock takes the wheel…which is fortunate.” You had to snort and agree with that.

The door of Frankie’s room opened and she walked out and flopped onto one of the couches.

“You almost got yourself and everyone you love killed,” Noemi scolded her.

“I know,” Frankie muttered. “Won’t happen again.”

“Hey, Frankie,” Lila called for her. “You do have nice boobs too, so don’t let that get to you.”

Frankie snorted, throwing one of the couch’s pillows to Lila, who just caught it and placed it behind her head as he shifted to lie down on the couch, smiling.

Abby didn’t come back until dawn. You were sleeping with the door of your bedroom open and you woke up when she got into the main room. You got up and went to join her, finding her drinking from a wine bottle in one of the couches, and he offered it to you when you sat down next to her.

“You were in there for a long while today,” you said, taking a sip from the bottle before giving it back to her. Wine for breakfast. Why not.

“Yeah, he fell asleep, I spent him.” Abby snorted. “And he doesn’t want us leaving when he’s asleep, says we can’t walk away from him.” She rolled her eyes. You wouldn’t know, he always had someone else after he was done with you. “So I had to wait for him to wake up.”

You hummed. “Quick thinking, back there. It was a nice thing to do, to cover for Frankie.”

Abby shrugged. “Nothing that she wouldn’t have done for me.” You guessed so. You had found that these women were protective over each other, and you were starting to feel like that. “Besides…I get her. If Negan’d have pulled some of that shit on my sister, I go in there and smash this bottle on his head.” Abby lifted the bottle of wine. “You don’t have siblings, right?”

“No…Daryl had a brother, Merle…Daryl was very protective of him too, despite Merle being a major ass…”

Then…

It had taken Daryl and you two days to find his brother, while it should have been less than a day, but the road that you were following was clogged with cars and walkers, and you were forced to take detours and even get into the woods with the bike from time to time. You never went to the main roads, Daryl told you that those were full of traffic jams of people trying to get to the city and the camps, attracting walkers. Part of you thought that maybe it’d be better to go to one of those roads, find more people, get to a camp, but you weren’t about to go on your own, and Daryl was only focused on getting to his brother.

You weren’t unarmed anymore, Daryl had given you a big knife, and he had even shown you how to use it, not only so you wouldn’t end up just hurting yourself, but so you could kill any walker that stumbled to you too. He seemed fearless, often going to put down walkers instead of just ignoring them, seeming to really hate those monsters. You were still scared of them, and you had put down one with your knife, listening to Daryl’s instructions, but you weren’t very confident in your ability. You didn’t know how Daryl could be so good at it.

As you had noticed, Daryl was rough and harsh with words, not that he spoke much. His way of speaking to you and his tone annoyed you sometimes, but at the same time, you knew that not only had he given you a knife and trained you with it, he kept you safe in more ways. He watched your back, always had you under his sight, making sure that you weren’t near threats alone, even if he acted like he didn’t care, and hunted to feed you both. He was rude, sure he was, but he hadn’t tried anything inappropriate and he didn’t ask anything for his help. In a way, it felt good to know that you had watching your back someone who seemed to be good at surviving and who made sure that you survived too, no matter that he acted like he didn’t care or how harsh he could be.

On the second day, you arrived at the town nearest to the prison where his brother should have been taken. You had stopped before riding too close, on an elevation from which you could see the town, and even from afar you could see several groups of walkers roaming the streets.

“Shit…” Daryl muttered, getting off the bike and walking back and forth while he kelp looking at the town.

“There might be people hauled in any of the buildings,” you suggested, you didn’t want to give Daryl false hopes, but in just two days, you had seen how important his brother Merle was to him, and you didn’t like to see him discouraged like that. “But we can’t ride in.”

“I can,” Daryl said, getting into the bike again.

“Daryl, it is suicide.”

“Stay here if you wanna, I’m going.”

“Daryl.” You stopped in front of the bike, even if you weren’t totally sure that Daryl wouldn’t just run you over, and you grabbed the handlers, while Daryl glared at you. “You can’t ride in, every group of walkers will go to you, you can’t fight them all on your own, or with me. You know it.”

“Then what the fuck do you want me to do!”

“I don’t know…we’ll think something, we’ll come up with a plan,” you said, sounding unconvincing. You believed that Daryl’s brother was dead, like all your friends and family, but you didn’t know how to break it to him without making him freak out.

Merle wasn’t dead, though, and suddenly, he had come out of the woods near Daryl and you. Daryl’s head snapped towards the sound and you followed his gaze, finding Merle. If Daryl had seemed rough, that was nothing with how his brother looked. You were about to freak out, wondering if the stranger was dangerous, when Daryl spoke.

“Merle!” Daryl jumped off the bike, going to his brother.

“I was sure had heard my bike, I’d recognize that purring anywhere,” Merle said. “I told you not to touch it, lil’ bro.”

“Wasn’t done fixin’ mine…what…are you okay?” Daryl seemed almost as shocked as you at his brother appearing out of the blue.

“I’m fine, lil’ bro...you too, uh? I knew it. We Dixons are hard, even you.” Merle chuckled as he wrapped an arm around his brother, and then he looked at you. “Well, well…look at that…you got yourself a bitch, baby bro?”

“Excuse you?” You snapped.

“That’s, uh…that’s Y/N…” Daryl said, walking to you again. “Found her at the road, her town was full of those dead assholes, so I took her with me.”

“Keepin’ yourself entertained, I see…” Merle chuckled, looking you up and down with a smirk, and you didn’t like the way in which he was talking at you or what he was implying, but before you could snap, Daryl spoke again.

“What the hell happened to you, Merle?”

“The guards were taking me to prison when we run into a group of those things on the road. They went to inspect what was going on, weren’t that smart, one ended with her throat tore open, the other bitten,” Merle began to explain. “I managed to convince him to unshackle me, I thought that prick was goin’ to leave me there. We killed the ones on the road, but we saw another group comin’ from the town, they’re attracted to the sound,” Merle kept going, and by now you had figured that too.

“We got into the woods, found a warehouse near, seemed a good place to hide. The guard died that night and when I realized, he had turned into one of those things,” Merle said, and Daryl had already told you that he thought that if you were bitten, you turned into one of those. This seemed to confirm it. “So I put him down. That was…three days ago? Ain’t sure. I’m still at the warehouse, but I was about to leave today, go back home…but…” He took a look at the town. “Fuck me…there weren’t half as many the last time.”

“Our town is full of those too, we can’t go back there,” Daryl explained.

“Everything is full of them, they’re everywhere, more every day,” you said. “We should go to one of those military camps…they said that there was one near Atlanta, we can’t be far from it now.”

The Dixons looked at each other. “Come on, to the warehouse,” Merle said. “Safest place for now.”

You all spent almost a week at the warehouse, before a big group of walkers had arrived, threatening to trap you in there forever, and so you all had to rush out. The Dixons had put down a few walkers that had gotten too close, and you had managed to put down one even if you were scared, for which you were quite proud.

There had been a pickup near and Merle had driven the bike onto the open back of it, and then you both had rushed into the cabin, driving away, hitting secondary roads and even paths through the woods, where you camped for days.

All that meant, that you had to spend almost two weeks alone with the Dixons, before you’d end up finding the quarry camp…if it had been only Daryl, you guessed it wouldn’t have been that bad, even if he was brash, but Merle…Daryl seemed prince charming indeed in comparison to his brother.

Merle was loud, obnoxious, and just a major prick, who wanted to be in charge of everything and talked down to Daryl and bossed him around in a way that you were sure if it were another person, Daryl would chop off their head. But he just took it from his brother. Merle never shut up, only when he was asleep, always giving his opinion on everything, sputtering nonsense and bullshit adorned with sexism, racism, and everything else along those lines, besides crude and perverted comments towards you, only to dismiss it as being joking when you snapped, but you knew better.

Besides all that, you knew that he had a bag full of different kinds of drugs, and it wasn’t unsual to find him high. When you had told Daryl, he had gotten angry, telling you to “mind your fucking business.” He had been harsh with you before, but not the way he was now when it involved his brother.

Every time that Merle opened his mouth, you wanted to sew it closed or punch him, or both. But every time that you talked back or snapped, or you two argued, Daryl would take his brother’s side and snap at you too, and you were more than fed up with it.

You had thought that Daryl was rough and harsh, sure, but not that he was a major asshole…which now you weren’t sure about, and you hated how whenever Merle said something sexist, racist, or anything like that, Daryl didn’t say anything against it, and you had caught him a few times repeating his brother’s words, as if he thought like that too.

You were tired and done with that, and the fact that the Dixons were alive people, the only alive people around, it seemed, in a world that looked full of dead monsters, wasn’t feeling enough to stick around anymore. Besides, every time that Merle did an inappropriate joke, you felt more and more uncomfortable, and so, one day, after Merle said something so sexist that even Daryl had seemed uncomfortable, you decided that you’d leave and try your luck, follow the signals to Atlanta, see if you found a group of alive people out there.

You were camped at the woods, the Dixons had made a perimeter with cord, hanging stuff that’d make noise if walkers approached. You had to admit that you had learned a good fair of survival tips in your days with the Dixons. Merle was asleep after having gotten high and Daryl was taking watch.

“I’m gonna pee,” you announced, walking away, only with your knife in your belt and nothing else. It was unwise, but you couldn’t be around Merle anymore.

You had stepped outside the wire carefully so as not to rattle it and make noise, but still, it seemed as if Daryl had suspected of what you were gonna do, and so he was behind you.

“Where’re you goin’?”

You let out a sigh, turning to look at him. “Look…I…thank you for everything, but I’m going to go on my own.”

“The fuck you sayin’,” Daryl scoffed, frowning at you.

“Daryl…have you seen the way Merle talks to me? I can’t stand it anymore.”

Daryl shrugged, his frown getting deeper. “That’s just how Merle is.”

“Yeah…” You snorted. “That’s why I’m leaving…I can’t stand his bullshit anymore and it’s looking like you agree with him, so…” You just shrugged and turned around to keep walking

“You can’t leave, you’ll get eaten.” Daryl scoffed as if you were an idiot.

He rushed to you and grabbed your arm as if he were going to drag you back to the camp, so you younked your arm free, you were starting to get annoyed. Sure, Daryl had helped you, but since finding his brother, he’d been acting like he didn’t give a shit about what happened to you, and let his brother say all kind of mean things to you, you even though he agreed.

“Like you care anyway!” You snapped. “You too think all that sexist bullshit! And I’m not going to let you both talk to me like that.”

Daryl was annoyed too, glaring at you, and he scoffed. “Yeah…yeah, I don’t care, don’t give a shit!” He snapped. “Go get eaten if that’s what you wanna, crazy bitch!”

“Yeah, crazy bitch, I heard it before,” you muttered, walking away and towards what you hoped was Atlanta’s direction.

Soon, though, you had stumbled into walkers that seemed to come from the road near that part of the woods, where a car jam had turned into a monster's feast. You had put down a couple, surprising even yourself, but they were too many.

You wondered if you could outrun them, you thought so, but you were worried about just running to nowhere and getting lost. It wasn’t looking like you didn’t have much choice, but then, an arrow embedded itself into the head of one of the walkers. You looked back and Daryl, who said that he didn’t care and acted like so, had followed you and was there, recharging the crossbow and putting down another walker, while you went to do the same with another, and the last one fell to the ground with another arrow into its head.

“You were right, I’d get eaten,” you muttered bitterly as Daryl approached, looking at you as if expecting you to snap again.

“Yeah…it ain’t…ain’t safe to be alone…so…” He shrugged, looking down. “You have to come back.” You let out a sigh…yes, you knew you should, you ought to stick together with alive people in order to survive, you needed help and people watching your back, and yet… “Merle…the things he said about you…I, uh…I don’t think those…” Daryl muttered, and those weren’t the only things that the Dixon’s said that annoyed you, but still…it was something, and it was unexpected. “But…that’s how Merle is. But you can’t go on your own ‘cause you’ll be geek’s food.”

You looked around at the dead monsters on the ground…yeah, you knew that Daryl was right…not to mention that you had been eating of what he hunted, sleeping while he took watch knowing that no monster would sneak on you, you knew that being alone was unwise and dangerous…

“And you care?” You asked, still a bit annoyed and hurt.

Daryl shrugged, looking down and chewing at the skin of his thumbnail. “I guess,” he finally muttered and you let out a sigh.

“Okay, let’s go back.” You gave in and Daryl nodded, turning to walk back to the camp without saying anything else. “Daryl?” You called for him but he didn’t look at you. “I guess I care too about you not being geek’s food.” It was true, no matter how annoyed at him you could get, for some reason, you cared.”

Now…

“Yeah…yeah, Merle was a prick,” you repeated, and Abby seemed amused. “But he meant the world to Daryl.”

When Merle was left in Atlanta, Daryl had let you hug him, back when he didn’t let himself be comforted that much, and had even cried…and then, months later, when he had found his brother dead, it had destroyed him, it had broken his heart, and it had broken yours too, to see Daryl hurting like that, crying and crying while you held him through the night, trying to comfort him somehow, feeling like his pain was physically hurting you.

“Yeah…that’s how it goes with siblings.” Abby gave you a sad smile. “I’m gonna catch some sleep.”

“Okay…”

If you enjoyed this, comments and reblogs are always more than welcome, thanks.

Also, as always, excuse my English, it’s not my first language.

IF YOUR TAG IS IN BOLD IT’S BECAUSE I CAN’T MAKE IT WORK (AS YOU KNOW i’M MAKING A NEW TAGLIST)

New taglist for Daryl, if you want to be (un)tagged please let me know.

@jodiereedus22 @coffeebooksandfandom @gruffle1 @twdeadlysins @yenne-yen-illustrations @mychemicalimagines @haleypearce @superflannel @sourwolf-sterek32 @angelontheinside @firehoopinmama @lonewolf471 @hopplessdreamer @daryldixonandfrogs @fanfictionsilove @collecting-stories @princessxpunk @hells-mistress @justyouraveragefangirl1967 @carnationworld @smiithys @polkadottedpillowcase @elisdays @mysterious-398 @captainbuckyboobear @dazzledamazon @spidergirla5 @lilythemadqueen @lightning-butterfly @purplebtsmagic @barra-cudaaa @courtnytrash04 @amazingapricot @seizethesam @harpersmariano @eternalslingshot @fuseburner @phoenixblack89 @boywivlove @amaroho @woundmetender @classyunknownlover @masterninjacow @tenderlyunlikelyexpert @shadowfoxey @kaitieskidmore1 @lilac-day-dreaming @datidixon @sabrinabernal @nj01 @rachelxwayne @elamy17 @angelofthor @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @thanossexual @daryldixonstorm @sttrawberries @huffledor-able541 @lucillethings @browneyes528 @soraitmnt @thereshallbenoother @chickenparmandstoicvulcans @leej2468 @heartlessmarvello @itsmeempar @redneckstrash @bxxbxy @bitchynicole @pulplorrd @supernatural79impala @the-artistic-animal-lover @selfsun @thiccblondeliv @maggie-l-m @baseballbitch116 @tranquiiit @sweatywildpanda @supernatural79impala @theteaset @amaroho @my-current-fandom-is @sapphire1727 @sapphire-angel @insidetoughcake @whitexwingedxdoves @nickangel13 @oceans-daughter-3

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon/reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon fic #daryl dixon & reader #twd daryl

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handemiyyy · 3 years

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Nothing is black and white. Not even the things we judge to be the simplest such as a “are you a night owl or an early bird?” question. For every answer, for every action, behind it lies a very complex reason for why you picked a determined answer. In life, it’s the same. Things are multicolored, multifaceted and depending of a handful of factors combined that will impulse someone to take a certain action or opt for a certain answer. It really has put me into a lot of thinking when I found out the plot regarding Sen Çal Kapımı’s season 2, and seeing so many people start to take sides of such complex and delicate situation made me wonder that maybe people were not seeing the full picture, maybe they were seeing a plain image instead of the 3D situation presented to them.

If you know the characters’ story, you understand both Eda and Serkan’s actions are totally characteristic of them and correct in their own way. I’ll assume if you’re reading this you have knowledge of that, so I shall skip to the present situation and plot: Eda and Serkan broke up and stayed 5 years apart, but this turn in their love story has a bittersweet exception. Their child, Kiraz. Which Serkan does not know of.

EDA

Eda was asked to leave. After standing by his side through his cancer and thinking she’d finally live the life she dreamed with the love of her life, he broke up with her. They fought a lot, he let it explicit he’d never have a family, he closed himself to the world, to Eda, he resetted back to the robot-mode workaholic burying himself in projects that he forgot life. The life he had with Eda. His behavior affected her as well, that closed off too, and although they were together, they kept distancing from each other every day a little more. Until they saw that there was no point in that relationship. Eda shows that after 5 years his words and cold behaviour towards her still hurts her deeply, even making the analogy that she’s “just a toy” for him (ep 2 in the conversation scene with Burak). From her perspective, he decided to throw their years and relationship in the trash because he was the heartless insensitive man he was when they first met. Imagine you invest so much of yourself to someone just for this person to turn to you and tell you he doesn’t want to hear from you, or have you near. You’d be hurt. Especially after all you’ve been put through to be by his side and live your love freely. It was beyond plausible for her to leave and not look back (okay, Aydan?) and whoever had close insight of their relationship and how it deteriorated would agree with that. There’s only so much a person can handle. It was time Eda put herself first, especially when she was carrying a baby that Serkan supposedly wouldn’t want. She feared rejection, not just for her but for their baby, an innocent unborn child, a consequence of their love that was not the same anymore. He had said in her face that he didn’t want children, so she acted out of protectiveness for herself and her child. She couldn’t bare him rejecting the child. Maybe he would have changed his mind when she told him that she was pregnant, but she couldn’t have known that. Serkan turned into someone that was unrecognizable, even for Eda. He wasn’t just the cold workaholic we’ve seen in the beginning of the dizi, he was a cold-traumatized workaholic. So she escorted herself out of that relationship and did not think twice to come back around and tell him about the pregnancy when she found out in Italy. It was basically the logic that if he didn’t want her, why would he want her baby?

SERKAN

Serkan had to endure so much. After all the little things that consumed their relationship, after the plane crash, memory loss, he found out he had cancer. There is no way a person would stay the same after going through such awful disease. Serkan’s fear spoke louder than anything else, because he’s always been the kind of person to stay miserable and let her go so she doesn’t deal with the burden of being with him. Serkan’s hypochondria spoke louder telling him he was cured but not safe from cancer, and he couldn’t bare going through or putting Eda through that again. Even worse, leave her widowed. Probably the reason he kept postponing their wedding. During treatment he was still vulnerable, having Eda’s support all the way, trying to stay sane with all the mood changes and occasional insensitive behaviour towards her and everybody else. It cannot be put in words by a person that fortunately never had to go through or witness a person with cancer, but all of his “inconsistency” is more than justified. He never did it on purpose, it was the collateral effects of his disease, psychologically and physically speaking. After beating cancer, things seemed to have a bright future until it hadn’t. Serkan’s self sabotage knocked him down again, making him reset back to his old ways, except this time he had much more baggage and traumas than before. He shut everybody out, even the only person that he let in, and drowned in work, obsessed with “becoming immortal” through his projects. He forgot life, he forgot the love of his life. Not because he wanted to, but because his unconscious wanted to protect himself, and her. What if cancer came back? He knew very much of diseases as a person so worried about his health, he knew there were chances that it would come back. He’s gone through it once and barely survived, he’s seen the state he’s put him and Eda’s relationship through, he felt like a burden more than ever before. He didn’t want to hold her back, he didn’t want to have her stuck with him, taking care of his ill self that wasn’t even sure would make through the cancer treatment. He always felt unworthy of her, imagine now. He didn’t want children, because he feared they’d become fatherless. He didn’t want to set a wedding date, because he feared he’d leave his wife a widow. Or not make her happy. And he knew they weren’t happy. Because once he digged back down on his workaholic hole, he didn’t come back up again. It was stronger than him, he kept pushing her away and burying himself deeper. And she closed off just like him, so they both closed off in their own lonely cocoon and started to slowly become strangers again. Until one day he asked her to leave, and she didn’t see a reason to stay.

—

He told her to leave, he told her to stay far away from him because he wanted to protect her, and most selfishly, himself from more potential pain, suffering and heartbreak. He thought it’d be the less hurtful way (just like the plot of the secret about Eda’s parents accident), except he just made it worse for her. It doesn’t mean he’s a monster, a heartless human or an ungrateful bastard as many people are portraying him to be. It makes him human, it makes him a human with fears and insecurities, too aware of his own mortality and how it would affect the people that were dearest to him. Because when you’re sick, not only you go through stuff, the people around you, the people that loves and cares for you also goes through it all with you, to the point it can affect them personally too. He never came around and explained his reasons, because when he closed off his feelings were shut off. He bottled it all up and never said a thing, leaving Eda thinking the absolute worst of him and that still reflects in her hesitance about him 5 years later with an apparent normal Serkan back in her life. Serkan, now fully recovered and back to being himself, finds Eda again and everything he’s been trying to keep hidden, all the suppressed feelings and unfinished business he’s had with her, came back banging. He can’t let her go, he said it himself at that night talk. He can’t because he still needs to say a lot to her, to apologize to her even though it was NOT his fault. NEVER his fault. Nor hers, for leaving.

Serkan beat cancer years ago, but he never went looking for her. We’ve seen enough of their story and Serkan’s fears to know that he’s always felt that he wasn’t enough for her and that he’s brought to her life only pain, so it’s totally understandable why he never reached to her when he was sane again. He wanted her to be happy and free and she would only be able to do that if she was far away from him. And of course, Eda being hurt wouldn’t want to come back, wouldn’t want to keep in touch with him, so she cut ties entirely. She was on her right to not come to him when she found out about the pregnancy, because she knew he still wasn’t him. He was barely fighting for himself, living for himself, caring for himself, how would he do that for a child? But then he comes back… now what? Eda wants to run away from him, afraid he’d hurt her the way he did before. But he’s not that post-cancer Serkan, he still has the scars and the trauma but you can clearly see that he’s back to being the old Robot Bolat. He’s still closed off, but the initial scare and fear of abandonment disappeared with the passing years of him being healthy again. He sees Eda and he wants to be around her again, because he never truly wanted to part ways with her. Eda hides a secret, a secret she’s not right nor wrong to hide, she just figured it was best. And even in the first moments of him being around, it’s understandable that she wanted to hide the fact she has a child to him, as it may be a huge shock and turn of events. She doesn’t trust him, more precisely his reaction, and she’s unsure of what to expect. She needs him to give her a proof that he’s not the same unstable Serkan she witnessed before she left. She needs him to open up, he needs to open up to her. That is just it, the reason none of them could ever move forward, apart of their ever growing and intense love for each other. They still have a lot that was not talked, that was not finished, they didn’t solve their issues, therefore they didn’t heal.

Tell me how can you blame a mother for choosing her child over any possible heartbreak? How can you blame a woman for walking away after being so emotionally drained and not being able to put up with an exhausting relationship for BOTH of them? How can you blame her for not wanting to live that life with him when he wasn’t putting any effort on their relationship or on his fiancée? How could she guess what he was feeling, what he wanted to say, what were the reasons for his behavior if he closed off and never spoke a word?

Tell me how can you blame a traumatized man with so many complexities for closing off and pushing everybody away in order to not hurt them? How can you blame an hypochondriac man for wanting his beloved to be free from any strings attached to him and his disease because he can’t bare the fact he could possibly die and leave her suffering? How can you blame a human being that has gone through such a traumatic disease and invasive treatment as cancer that affects the whole being, physically and mentally, and transforms them into someone vulnerable and afraid? How can you blame this man for acting the way he did when he’s only done that because of all the fears he’s been accumulating since his childhood, his psychological traumas. How can it be his fault?

Serkan would die for Eda if it didn’t mean she would suffer for his loss.

Eda would be unhappy for eternity if it meant she could stay by Serkan’s side.

They would do anything for each other, and at one way or another, they did. Until their relationship deteriorated and they couldn’t keep going on, because they were losing themselves in an endless looping of traumas and pain. They were together but together they couldn’t do the healing, they were so exhausted they couldn’t heal each other nor themselves, it became unhealthy for them. But beware, it WAS NOT any of them’s fault, it qas just how they were living their lives. Their post-traumatic lives.

Sometimes there’s no right or wrong, there are just different point of views of a certain situation that’s so hard to grasp and so difficult to understand unless you’re personally living it. But trying to put yourself in their shoes also would do.

So please, yeter with the Eda AND SERKAN slander. Both were in their own right.

#sen çal kapımı #sen çal kapimi #edser #eda yildiz #serkan bolat #diziland #turkish shows #sçk #hande erçel #kerem bürsin #edaserkan #eda bolat

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verytiredblob · 3 years

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My reviews on Manhwas

Alright so, recently I've began to fall into the great Manhwa hell, as if I didn't have enough fandoms.

But I neither have friends to chat about this with, nor a Discord chat where I can fanby about it, so I just decided to throw it in here.

These are both Manhwas I recommend and my opinions on them. If there are any spoilers, They will be striked through and in blue for anyone that wishes to avoid them (if anyone even reads this lol).

1. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass (악녀는 모래시계를 되돌린다)

Premise: Aria was a terrible person and was sentenced to dead by being beheaded. In her final moments, she discovers her step sister, Mielle, actually manipulated her during her entire life just so she could get Aria killed. She then is beheaded, and wakes up in the past, in her child body. So now, she must work to both survive and get her revenge on her sister.

Lovely story, and my first Manhwa. The art is simply stunning, and all the characters are very flashed out and developed. Aria (MC) is the pettiest person alive and I'm here for that.

Also, I noticed a trend where, even though the manhwa has "Villainess" in the title, the MC is usually a total angel. Well, not here. Aria is egotistical and a total Diva, she has her goals and one of them is her revenge and by all that is sacred she'll get it.

Mielle is a great villain, she has grown a lot in her own pettiness and tactics since she was a child, and I really like that. Also, watching her suffer for being a terrible person is delightful.

The Male Lead (Asher) is also really cool, I like how he's both witty and friendly, and how much he truly admires Aria and her achievements.

The side characters are also pretty good, and they get a lot of focus because of their interactions with the main cast.

Again, The art is S T U N N I N G. Look at this:

Literally all panels are drawn like this or better, I'm in love.

All in all, an awesome read, 10/10, I love this a lot.

2. The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess (괴물 공작가의 계약 공녀)

Premise: Leslie's life was terrible, and always centered on her big sister, Eli. After a failed attempt of her family to grant Eli her sister's skills and knowledge, Leslie searches for the feared "Monster Duchess" in an attempt to survive.

Another one with incredible art AND incredible characters. Leslie is an absolute angel, and seeing her grow as a person is awesome.

The gender envy I feel with the Duchess is unbearable, she's utterly perfect. And the entire family is so dotting and loving and sweet, my little grinch heart can't take it.

She's perfection, really.

The plot keeps getting more and more mysterious, and I'm here for it!

I love each of the main characters a lot, and even the villains are well done and fuel your hatred.

Also, Eli Sperado and her Dad can choke on those black flames for all eternity.

Another 10/10, although I must warn anyone that wishes to read this that the translations sometimes are very spotty and messy, so it can be a bit annoying.

3. I'll be the Matriarch in this Life (이번 생은 가주가 되겠습니)

Premise: Firentia was a girl that died in Korea in her past life, and was reborn into an influential family as the illegitimate daughter of the third son. Her life was pretty terrible, with in the end, her family ending up in poverty and disgrace because of her uncles and cousins, while she was exiled from the family. After another accident, she wakes up in her past, now with a goal: Become the Lombardi matriarch and stop the other family heirs from bringing it to ruin.

Awesome art and Awesome plot number 3! This is so good, genuinely. Firentia is such an awesome plotter, and her goals and actions are very well developed.

The Male Lead is my baby and I shall protect him, and the side characters? Utterly stunning.

The twins are the cutest fucking shit, seriously. Like, look at these two?? I'm dead. Although, all the children are very, veeery cute.

I like how Firentia subtly manipulates things around her to get what she wants. It's similar to Aria, but she's much more mature and knowledgeable, and has a much less petty goal.

Guess what? 10/10. Yeah, I know, I'm terrible at grading, sue me.

4. The Twins Siblings' New Life (쌍둥이 남매의 뉴라이프)

Premise: Arien and Arjen were a pair of twins that died in Korea, and were reborn again as twins and as the Emperor's illegitimate children. Now, with only each other to trust, they must do their best to survive.

My current obsession. I really like this one. The art is not on the same level of pure Awesome like the ones before, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

The plot is pretty nice, but I must warn you: DO NOT expect them to act like adults. Honestly, just forget they're meant to be reborn in this world. They're just normal children and that's it. They act like children, and they think like children. Honestly, I think the author just wanted to make this story about them as children and their producer went and said to make them reincarnates because that Isekai shit is popular nowadays (And to justify they having memories of their newborn days). Seriously, just ignore it, the experience reading will be much better.

Other than that, the story develops nicely. The characters are all very good and the plot is very mysterious. I am holding myself back to not spoil anything, aaaaa.

There is also only one another thing that disappoints me: Arien is very clearly the MC. The story is told by her eyes and we only know what Arjen thinks or feels when he says it 9 or by subtext). I really wish it was more balanced, because they're both different people and have different perspectives, and also I really like Arjen.

I have absolutely no idea where this plot is gonna go, and honestly? I like it. It's very rare when I don't know how things are gonna develop because of other stories, so it feels very fresh.

The brothers are freaking awesome. I was so scared they were going to hate the twins and be petty, because of other manhwas that are like that, but they're so loving and sweet?? All hail these idiots. Also, Daddy is the biggest dumbass of all, this poor clueless man.

An 8/10, because of the complaints above. Still a good read, and I really like it, even with it's defects.

4. I'm A Stepmother, But My Daughter Is Just Too Cute! (계모인데 딸이 너무 귀여워)

Premise: A seamstress dies of overwork in Korea, and wakes up in the body of Abigail, the vain Queen, and the evil stepmother to the princess Blanche. Yes, It's like she stepped into the world of Snow White, and she must now do her best to live and.. Dote on Blanche with toys and dresses as much as possible?

Again with the awesome art and nice plot. Why are there so many manga with awesome art?? I'm so envious.

May all hail this crispy, delicious art.

Abigail is a whole mood, and I enjoy how she is inserted into the life of someone who had already lived and had a reputation. Her actions baffle a lot of the characters, as do her motivations, and I'm here for it.

The King has also an amazing backstory that's very tragic and yikes. I enjoy it, really. Not something you see in men's backstories that much.

Also, I'm kinda saddened by the fact the MC and the king are bound to become an actual couple. They would be such good platonic friends stuck in a political marriage. I was robbed, y'all.

Abigail greatest ambition is to get to design a dress for Blanche and have her wear it, and you know what? Good for her! Sometimes, it's good to have an MC that is not plotting against world at large.

Also, her mirror? Verite is simply perfect, I love this guy. I non-jokingly ship him with Abigail more than her with the King.

Blanche is a sweetheart, she deserves to be in my "adopted children" wall.

For now it's more of a Slice of Life than anything? But I also don't know what happens in the novels, so I'm just going to wait.

For the current lack of a grater plot, this gets a 7/10. Still pretty good and entertaining, especially for when you just don't feel like trying to understand deep plots with lots of elements.

5. Beware of the Brothers! (그 오빠들을 조심해!)

Premise: Another one of those "I lived my life and then wake up in the past." Hari was adopted by this family after the death of their only daughter, and although her parents love her, her 3 older siblings very much don't. She lives a miserable life in their hands, and when it's the night before she is to get married and finally escape her brothers, she wakes up in the past, and has to deal with them all over again.

Another nice art one, and the background characters are very nice, as is the MC.

But for me, it has a big problem. And that problem is the main ship. It's Hari with her eldest brother, Eugene. Even though they are not related and yadda yadda yadda, they were raised as such, and thus it bothers me. Also, Eugene is as plain as white bread and just as generic when seen as the Male Lead.

I ship Hari with Johan, even though I know it's not gonna happen, Ugh, the pain..

For me, the main point in this is Hari's relationship with her other siblings and the other background characters. I'm here for that wholesome sibling interaction. Her relationship with Erich, specially, is awesome. I love these two so much

It also kinda lacks a plot? Other than the relationship development and their story as a family, but again, I have no idea how they will develop this.

Also, pet peeve? Why do they keep using Oppa instead of translating it properly as brother? I get honorifics and stuff, but it's so annoying.

I give it a 6/10. Good characters and good relationships outside of the bloody incest thing, and it's a good enough way to pass the time.

There are two more that I've read, buut it's like 4am and I'm sleepy as all hell, so I'll just add it in a reblog or attached post later, and I plan on doing this for other future manhwas as well.

Do you have any recommendations or comments or just wanna talk about any of these manhwas? Hit me up!

#The villainess reverses the hourglass #the monster duchess and contract princess #i'll be the matriarch in this life #I'm a stepmother but my daughter is just too cute!#Beware of the brothers!#manhwa #webtoon #manhwa recommendation #isekai

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