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strvngeweather · 5 months

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It's All Greek to Me; a one shot.

🕮 PAIRING: collegetutor!jimin x partygirl!reader 🕮 GENRE: College AU, smut 🕮 WORD COUNT: 4.8k 🕮 WARNINGS: Smut, Smut, Smut 🕮 SUMMARY: After failing your college classes, you need a tutor. But if tutor, why so damn hot? 🕮 AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was originally going to be a full-length fanfic, but I decided to make it a short one. I still may expand on it. Let me know what you guys think. Also, my bestie gave me the idea when she said, "Jimin look like he likes ass." LMAO.

Despite your hatred for hangovers, you always ended up with one.

Today was no exception. As the resident party girl at Loren University, there was no way you would ever miss a weekend rager, but as your alarm clock went off for the fifth time that morning, you began cursing at yourself. Maybe going to a party on a Sunday night wasn’t a good idea.

Scheduling a tutoring session at eight in the morning was an even worse idea.

You had many strong suits, but English wasn’t one of them. It was the one subject you had struggled with since you were in high school. Analyzing the words of dead white men from centuries ago was just about as much fun as watching paint dry. Numbers were much more your thing. They were easy and in the words of Cady Heron, ‘Math was the same in every language.’

But you needed to pass. It’s not as if you were here on your parents’ dime like the other kids. You were a scholarship kid and if your grades slipped, so did you. Out the doors and on your ass. So, when you got your last paper back with a big fat ‘D’ written on it, you knew it was time to take action. And that meant getting a tutor.

You just happened to forget that today, on this bright and early morning, with a pounding headache and dry mouth, you were supposed to be meeting him.

Again, you ask, who the fuck schedules a tutoring session at eight in the morning?

With a groan, you grab your phone, hoping to hit the ‘snooze’ button on your alarm one more time before you really had to get up but when your eyes read the time you realize that it’s damn near eight-thirty. How many times have you hit the snooze button? You wonder but realize you’re only wasting more time. Without a second thought, you hop out of bed and into the bathroom, brushing your teeth and running a comb through your curly hair. Your make-up is smudged, and you still have on the shimmering dress from last night but there’s nothing you can do about it now. You grab a hoodie off your desk chair and hightail it to the school’s library.

Inside study room 007, you find a very annoyed, albeit very handsome senior waiting at the table. Laid out in front of him are a stack of books, notebooks, and flash cards. Pens and pencils are lined up neatly in a row. He all but glares at you as enter. Before you can speak, he glances at his watch and then looks back at you. “You’re late.”

“I know,” you say, out of breath. “I got caught up …” you scramble, trying to think of a lie instead of admitting you had spent the night throwing ass to Megan thee Stallion and Cardi B but your folder of excuses in the very back of your brain shows up empty. That might be for the best, you realize as you look over your tutor.

“Partying?” He finishes the sentence for you. His eyes rake over you in judgment. “Maybe that’s why you’re failing English.”

Now wait a damn minute. You scoff, crossing your arms. Your brain is foggy, you desperately need a glass of water – and, not to mention, your skin feels beyond icky. The last thing you can do right now is come up with a proper comeback so the only thing you manage to utter is, “Or maybe English is just hard.”

“You speak it every day, how hard could it be?”

“Whatever,” you say, sitting down across from him. “Can we just … start?”

Jimin checks his watch again. “We might as well. We’ve got thirty minutes left. Let’s make the most of it.”

“I thought I had you for an hour.”

“Yes, and you were late so that hour has turned into thirty minutes. I’ve got things to do, Ms. L/N. I can’t wait around for you all day,” he replies, picking up a black ballpoint pen. “Let’s get started.”

“I’d much prefer it if you called me, Y/N,” you say, leaning back in your chair. “And you’re Jimin, correct?”

He nods curtly. “Alright, Ms. L/N, your form said you have an upcoming paper that focuses on the themes from Nella Larsen’s Passing. What part of the story are you at?”

You roll your eyes but choose not to correct him about your name and instead just answer his question. “I’m not on any part.”

His eyes brighten. “You mean you’ve already finished? Well, great, let’s jump right into discussion –”

“No,” you cut him off. “I’m not on any part because I haven’t started the book.”

Jimin looks at you as if you grew another head. “Your essay for the book is due next week. The book is less than two hundred pages. What do you mean you haven’t started yet?”

You shrug. “I figured since it’s such a short book I could probably finish it and write the essay in the same day.”

“And what day were you planning on doing that since our study session is right now?”

That day was last night but as you both knew you had gotten caught up with … other things. “I guess I figured we’d start the book together and I’d just get the essay done next week.”

Jimin sighs. “Ms. L/N, whatever you manage to vomit onto paper will not bring your grade up in the slightest if you follow your method. I guarantee that.”

You find yourself rolling your eyes – again. “That’s what you’re here for. You’re my tutor so tutor me in the right direction.” Jimin studies you for a moment and then he begins carefully putting his things away into his messenger bag. “Wait. What are you doing?”

“Ms. L/N, you can reach out to me once you’ve read the book but until then, we have nothing to discuss. I only meet with students who are serious about their education,” he places his bag over his shoulder and nods toward you. “Have a good day.”

“Um, hello! You can’t just leave,” you say, getting out of your chair.

“I can and I am,” Jimin replies, and with that, he walks out of the study room. You begin to follow him but decide against it. What good would that do? He was rude and had judged you from the moment you walked in the door. You didn’t need a tutor like that.

You decided you were going to go to the campus café, buy a large coffee, and then go home to take a much-needed shower.

. . . .

“He was a jerk,” you tell your best friend, Winter, taking a long sip of your mango-pineapple smoothie. “He left right in the middle of our session.”

Every Tuesday was the same. A morning class and then a lunch date with your bestie, Winter, at your favorite smoothie place about twenty minutes away from campus.

She shakes her head but not at him. “Y/N, I love you, but you were late. You didn’t read the material, and you had the nerve to have an attitude. I would have walked out on you too.”

Harsh but it was the truth. You weren’t quite ready to admit that you were somewhat at fault too. “Okay, but I’m saying, he didn’t have to be rude about it though.”

“What’d he look like?”

“He would be fine as hell if he wasn’t so rude,” you answer honestly.

She shakes her head, amused. “What did you end up getting on your essay anyway?”

After the last encounter with Jimin, you decided you’d find another tutor, but in the meantime, you were going to stick with your tried and true. You did exactly what you had told Jimin you would do. You read most of the book in one evening and managed to type up a paper in the same night, confident that you had aced it. But when you looked online, checking your grade, you realized Jimin had been right. Regardless, you weren’t going back to him.

You sigh. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Winter replies. “Because if Jimin is right, then I think you should give him a call.”

“Jimin Parker?”

You and Winter look up to see Jennie Kim hovering above you. Her freshly dyed blonde hair cascaded in waves down her slender face. You may have been the resident party girl, but Jen was the resident party queen.

“Hey Jen,” you say, motioning for her to take a seat. “Yeah, Jimin Parker. You know him?”

She sits between you and Winter. “You mean that gorgeous senior? Ugh, I had him as a tutor last semester.”

“How’d he do?” Winter says, giving you a knowing look.

You lean forward. Jennie was known for many things but having good grades was not one of them. In fact, you wondered how she managed to make it this far without being kicked out. But, if Jimin could manage to get her grades up, then he truly was a miracle worker.

“Amazing,” Jen gushes. “I got an A on my last three papers. I wanted him again this semester but apparently, he’s all booked up.”

You groan as Winter gives you another look. You pull your cell phone out of your pocket and dial Jimin. “Hello?” You reply as he answers. “Hi, yeah, Jimin, it’s Y/N. I was wondering if we could set up a session …”

…

For his sake (and mostly yours) you schedule an afternoon session and this time, you show up prepared. When he arrives, he’s shocked to see you already in the study room.

“Good afternoon,” he says, rounding the table to sit across from you. You get a whiff of his cedarwood cologne. “I see you’re on time.”

“I’m early,” you correct him. “You’re on time.”

“That I am,” he says, taking a seat. You watch him closely as he carefully takes out various pens and pencils, notebooks, and flashcards. He really is handsome, you think, even if he is an ass. “I see we’re studying Oedipus Rex by Sophocles?”

You nod your head. “I read it. I don’t understand it.”

“What exactly don’t you understand?”

“Not a single word in that book. They might as well be speaking Greek.”

He sighs. “Well, it is a Greek book.”

“Clearly,” you reply. “So where do we start?”

“I guess at the beginning.”

. . . .

Things were going smoothly. You found yourself actually understanding the material and surprisingly, enjoying it. But you also found yourself getting lost in Jimin at times. The more time you spent with him, the more you developed a crush. Your mind would wander as your eyes looked over him. You wondered how soft his full lips were. You wondered what his eyes looked like in moments of passion. You wondered how good it would feel to be wrapped up in his strong arms.

Your eyes were on his arms when he called your name. “Huh?”

“I asked did you want to go over the scene between Antigone and Polynices again?”

You shake your head. “No, I think I understand. Antigone wants him to call off the war, but Polynices’ pride won’t let him.”

“Correct,” Jimin replies with a smile.

Fuck, you think. Jimin had a smile that would make anyone melt. “Jimin,” you begin and mentally kick yourself for what you’re about to ask but you’ve started so you might as well finish. You put on your best flirtatious smile. “What do I get if I ace my next paper?”

He seems to know what you’re hinting at. “You get an A and the satisfaction of knowing your hard work paid off.”

Well, if that wasn’t a blaring rejection, you don’t know what is. “Do you have a girlfriend?” You blurt it out before your brain can even process whether the question was appropriate or not.

He blinks, slightly taken aback. “Yes, yes, I do. Why?”

You shrug, trying to be as nonchalant as possible even though you feel as if you’ve just gotten stung by a million honeybees. “No reason. You just seem so into your academics; I didn’t think you had time for that kind of stuff.”

“Well, a human being still needs a social life to thrive,” he replies coolly. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

You nod. “Yes, and his name is Jose Cuervo.”

He laughs. “I’m sure you have a line of men knocking on your door.”

“Nobody I want though,” you say, mostly to yourself.

. . . .

If crushing on him wasn’t enough, now you were dreaming about him. A week of erotic dreams plagued you. They felt so real. You could smell his signature cologne as he pushed in and out of you, your legs on his shoulders and his arms wrapped around your thick thighs. Each dream ended the same though, just as he was about to finish, your alarm would wake you up and you would spend a good five minutes finishing yourself off before getting ready for the day.

Instead of a study room at the library, Jimin asked you to meet him at his apartment for the study session. He mentioned something about time constraints, appointments, and being unable to book a study room but your brain had been stuck on, “Wanna meet me at my apartment? We can have a quick recap sesh before I have to run out?” He could barely finish his question before you agreed to it.

So, sue you for being curious.

It’s not like anything will happen, you thought as you parked, he has a girlfriend. You arrived twenty minutes early. Your excitement had gotten the best of you and you knew how much Jimin liked it when you were on time. When you knocked on the door, a man almost as handsome as Jimin answered.

“You must be Y/N?” he asked, sticking out his hand. “I’m Taehyung.”

You nodded, the thought of becoming a Wattpad heroine and having two incredibly attractive men fight over you danced around in your head. You shook his hand. “Nice to meet you, Taehyung.”

As he let you in, he explained he had somewhere to be, but that Jimin was in his room and to head right in. You gave the door a light knock but didn’t receive an answer. The door was slightly ajar, giving you the smallest view of a very neat bedroom. You spotted Jimin at his desk, looking at something on his large computer monitor. It looked familiar. Your curiosity ate at you, forcing your hand to ever-so-gently open the door further. This time you could see what Jimin was looking at clearly.

It was you. It was your Instagram feed. He was scrolling through your pictures, pausing at every photo that was a bit risqué.

“Fuck, Y/N …”

That was your name. Leaving his lips. In a moan. Your heart fluttered with excitement. But wait, was he …

As you tilt your head to get a better view, you can see the tip of his elbow on the armrest, bobbing up and down. And up and down. And up and down.

Oh, he definitely was.

You slap a hand over your mouth and tiptoe back to the living room. A few minutes later, you hear a shower turn on and ten minutes after that, you see Jimin emerge in a navy blue V-neck and a pair of grey sweatpants.

“Hey,” Jimin looks at you with a face full of guilt. You can’t help but smile. “How long have you been waiting?”

“I just got here a few minutes ago,” you lie, looking up from your phone that you were pretending to be engrossed in. “I haven’t been waiting long.”

“Good, good,” he says. “Let’s go to the kitchen. The lighting is better in there.”

. . . .

After three weeks of hard work and several study sessions, you submit your paper with all the confidence of Scott Disick. Winter, the best friend that she is, decided that this was the best time to reward your good behavior with a couple of jello shots at your favorite bar. You gobble up the first two and then decide to sip on a blue Long Island iced tea. That’s when you spot him. Sitting in a corner, next to his roommate and another man with tattoos up and down his arms. Instead of his usual tweed blazer and grey slacks, his outfit looks more modern, more casual. A white graphic tee hugs his toned body, and you can’t help but eye his biceps. His cheeks are slightly red, his eyes are glossy and he’s laughing harder than you’ve ever seen him laugh. He looks delicious but you turn around and decide to order another shot from the bar.

You spot Winter getting her mack on with a fellow classmate, Karina, and it’s then you realize that you’re probably going to be alone for the rest of the night. Just as you begin to grab your wallet to pay your tab, a familiar figure approaches you.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he’s wearing a smile you’ve never seen before, and it makes your insides flutter.

“I could say the same thing,” you reply. “I never thought I’d see Jimin Park in a bar.”

“I don’t spend all my time in the library,” Jimin says.

“Could have fooled me,” you tease, taking a sip of your drink. “What brings you out among people?”

He orders a whiskey sour before turning to you. “I, Y/N L/N, am finally a single man. My girlfriend of two years has decided that she no longer wants me.”

He’s smiling but you can see sadness behind his glossy eyes. “I’m sorry,” you say earnestly. “Her loss.”

“Oh definitely,” he says with a slight slur. “You want to know the real reason she broke up with me?”

You shrug. “Lay it on me.”

He leans in close, so close his body is pressed up against yours. He angles his lips to your ear and whispers, “I was too much for her.”

“Oh …”

“Yeah,” his words spill out in a rush, his eyes darkening as they take you in. They pause at your mini-skirt before crawling up your body slowly. You suddenly feel exposed, as if he just completely undressed you, but it would be a lie to say you didn’t love it. His voice lowers to a sultry whisper, “You don’t seem like that though.”

“Seem like that?”

“Like I’d be too much for you.”

“In what way?” You ask, genuinely curious.

He leans toward you, his lips brushing past your ear, forcing every hair on the back of your neck to stand up. “Sexual. You look like a good girl who knows how to take a pounding.”

A million thoughts ran through your head as Jimin broke out into a sardonic laugh. You were called back to that time you caught him masturbating to your pictures. You began to wonder if the prim and proper Jimin was just a façade to hide the sexual deviant he really was. His eyes look over you in a way they never have, and you swore they were clouded with lust. He licks his full lips, and you want nothing more than to kiss them, but you don’t. Instead, you take a step back and laugh, motioning to his roommate. Jimin was drunk and even though it looked like he wanted to bend you over the bar and give it to you, you knew better than to take advantage of a drunk man.

….

A week later, when you enter the study room, the moment you and Jimin exchange glances, you feel awkward. He looks embarrassed as he gestures for you to sit down.

“We need to talk,” he says. “I want to apologize about the other night at the bar.”

“It’s okay, I barely even gave it a second thought,” you lie. You had thought about that moment ever since it happened.

“No, it was inappropriate, and I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.”

“Jimin, you were drunk, it’s fine. Besides, it was nice to see a different side to you,” you reassured him with a smile.

“That’s not a side that I would like to be representative of who I am,” Jimin admits. “I don’t want to be known as the guy who makes people uncomfortable.”

You laugh. “Believe me, I was the farthest thing from uncomfortable.”

He locks eyes with you for a moment before clearing his throat and motioning toward your phone. “Have you checked your grades yet?”

You gasp, suddenly remembering the paper you had submitted a week earlier. You quickly bring up your most recent webpage, searching for the most recent grade listing. As your eyes glance over your paper and the notes, you realize that Jimin lived up to his reputation. You get up, shoving the phone in his face, squealing.

His eyes brighten, and he gets up as well. “You got an A!”

Without thinking, you throw your arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Jimin, to your surprise, doesn’t push away. Instead, he pulls you closer, his arms wrapping around your waist. You take the moment to breathe in his intoxicating scent. The both of you remain intertwined far longer than you both know is appropriate but for some reason, neither one of you makes the move to let go.

Finally, Jimin relents first. He stares you in the face and says quietly, “I knew you could do it.”

You let out a small laugh. “I couldn’t do it without you. Thank you, Jimin”

“As a reward, we can end the session ten minutes early today,” Jimin replies and sits back down.

You find yourself shaking your head. “Can I request a different reward?”

Jimin looks up at you and nods. You look around the small study space. The room you chose was in the back, the library was relatively empty today and the small window the room provided was on the door and could easily be covered up the shade provided. You mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to say next. Things could go downhill, fast, depending on his reaction. Still, you steady yourself, look Jimin in the eyes and say, “I want a kiss.”

“What?”

“A kiss,” you repeat confidently. “I want you to kiss me as a reward.”

“I can’t kiss you,” he replies back, taking study materials out of his messenger bag. “That would be highly ina –”

“Jimin, if you don’t want to kiss me, just say so but don’t use the tutor-student relationship as a reason.”

He sighs. “I …” You watch as he struggles to find the right words.

“You were right about me,” you say, giving him a flirtatious smirk. “At the bar. I can take a good pounding.”

His face turns a beet-red, but he quickly recovers. He stands, walking to stand in front of you. “Just one kiss?”

“One kiss,” you repeat.

He leans in and places a soft kiss on your lips, lingering for only a few seconds before breaking the kiss. “That good?”

You shake your head. “I hardly think that’s worth all the work I put in.”

He smiles, genuinely amused, and says, “Really?”

You nod. “Maybe if it was longer …”

Jimin sighs. “Y/N, if it’s longer, you know what that will lead to …”

“Then let it lead to that,” you challenge, you push. “I don’t know why you have to act so anal-retentive all the time. Not everything has to be perfect. Just k—”

He cuts you off with a deeper kiss. It’s slow and sensual. His hands wrap around your waist, one of them running down the curve of your ass as he palms it slowly, indulging in the fleshy softness. You can feel his dick hardening on your thigh as he slips a tongue into your mouth.

Jimin is using both hands to palm your ass now, his dick grinding into you and a low, deep, moan leaves his mouth forcing an electric sensation to shoot down your spine and vibrate in your core.

“You sure you want this?” he asks through a searing kiss.

“Yes,” you think you say but you’re not sure. Your head is spinning that this is actually happening.

He responds by lifting your pleated skirt and smacking your ass, the sound echoing throughout the room. Fingertips dance between your ass crack, and he uses a knee to part your legs slightly further. You break the kiss, throwing your head back as you feel Jimin’s fingertips slowly rub your pussy from the back. He slips a finger into your underwear, running it up and down your slit.

“How long have you wanted this?” He asks, nipping at your neck. “You’re already so fucking wet.” You try to answer but all that comes out is a moan as he slips another finger inside. “Shh,” he tells you. “You want the whole library to hear you?”

He gives you a bit of a reprieve when his hands slip away. You watch as he pulls out one of the chairs and sits, beckoning for you to stand in front of him. Your skirt is still at your waist, so he pulls your underwear down before pulling you close. You feel his large hands grope your ass again, peppering kisses up and down your hips. Another smack echoes through the room before he uses a hand to caress clit. You move your hips in response, holding on to the table for balance.

He pauses. “Turn around and bend over.” He doesn’t have to ask you twice. You obey, and not a second later, you feel him placing one of your legs up on the study table. “Arch that back, baby.” Your ass juts out just a little more as you follow his directions. A moment later you feel a cool, wet, sensation going up and down the slit of your core. It’s slow at first, as if he’s taking the time to let the taste of you marinate on his tongue but he quickly picks up his pace. The tip of his tongue flickering over your clit. Meanwhile, you can feel his thumb, massaging your anus.

Jimin was an ass man, and he was making that very clear.

Both hands were gripping your ass now as he guided your pussy over his tongue. You work your hips in tandem, stifling a loud moan as your world begins to go white.

But he wasn’t done with you yet.

He moves his tongue from your pussy up to your anus, and you jerk, having never quite felt something like this before. You can hear an amused laugh leave Jimin’s throat as he begins to massage your ass with his tongue. His fingers working your pussy, begging for another orgasm. You oblige, your wetness dripping all over his fingertips.

“Don’t move,” he demands. You can hear his belt unbuckling, followed by the tips of his dick moving up and down your incredibly wet slit. He slides it in with the patience of a saint, excruciatingly slow, forcing whimpers out of you, begging him to go faster. “You sure you want it faster?”

“Please,” you moan.

“Please, what?”

“Please, Jimin,” you manage to utter out.

He gives you your wish and begins to pound you like he said he would. His pace quickens and you can feel every inch of him inside of you. Your pussy wraps around him which causes him to smack your ass, and a deep moan leaves his lips.

You realize he can’t have all the fun though and you begin to throw it back on him, your ass bouncing against him, and he lets you. You can hear your wetness as you begin to drain his dick. You can hear his low grunts of satisfaction as you pick up your pace and when you look back, you can see his dark eyes looking at you in a way you never wanted to stop. “Good fucking girl,” he whispers in a low voice.

You make eye contact which forces him to grip your hips and pound into you harder, faster (stronger). “One more time baby,” he says to you, maintaining eye contact. “Cum on this dick.” You had already been close, and his words only sent you over the edge further than you had ever gone. You close your eyes, your body shaking in pleasure as you have your third orgasm on his dick.

He follows suit, his cum shooting deep inside of you. You feel his body on top of yours as you both try to catch your breath.

“Was that worth all your hard work?’ He asks.

“I think I’ll have to get A’s for the rest of the year,” you reply.

“The rest of your life.”

#bts fic #bts x reader #bts x black reader #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin x y/n #smut #bts smut #bts x reader fic #jimin x black reader

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trigunsbbygirl · 11 months

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Human Things that Confuse Knives Part 2

Made a second one since I had more ideas lol

content warnings: teeth, use bomb in an analogy, mention bruises. this one gets more into the body/anatomy idk what all people are comfy with so just in case

•Knives already thinks dreams are kinda weird, but those surreal ones and the utterly weird ones that just make no sense or seemed so real you wonder if it actually happened? he wants to know what's going on in your brain. Knives will listen to you as you recount your dream, he won't say much or make any facial reactions, but part of him is kinda amazed that your can brain come up with the weirdest, coolest and/or creepiest things ever.

•the concept of having baby teeth and adult teeth weirds Knives out. when Knives learns that you do lose your teeth as a kid he's staring at you like you've just grown a second head. don't tell him that you have wisdom teeth that usually need to be taken out via surgery as a teenager. (Vash is kinda grossed out by it. found out when a kid he was playing with ran up to him and was like 'look! my tooth fell out!:D' he panicked, thinking they got hurt, but it's replaced with horror, disbelief, slight disgust and concern when he finds out every human looses a set of teeth. he hates it a little. has no idea what to do when a kid tells him that a tooth fell out. help him)

•also. imagine Knives surprise when he learns about the appendix. you had been talking with a friend when you mentioned appendicitis and that you had to have surgery. it peaked his interest and when you're done talking, Knives asks about it. he stares at you in uncertainty and disbelief the further you explain. what do you mean there's a small pouch in your stomach that serves little to no function that can essentially become a bomb? Knives doesn't actually believe you until he looks it up. he wonders how humans have survived with bodies like that.

•same wonder when it comes to you having to take vitamins and other supplements because sometimes a body won't produce enough of something or too much.

•the fact the humans shed/lose hair. Knives knows that, but it kinda grosses him out a bit. he hates seeing your hair strands, makes you clean them up. (I hc that the twins just have little to no body hair and they don't actually lose hair strands.)

•double jointed people also weirds Knives out. what do you mean you can twist or bend a joint further than normal? it doesn't exactly creep or gross him out, but he doesn't like it. he'll never admit that, but he won't look/talk to you for a bit after you show off that flexibility.

•Knives is fascinated by the way your skin can change colors. (don't mention that he can turn a lovely shade of red, he gets all huffy.) but, anyways, he loves examining your face, watching as your face gets darker with certain things he does. (also likes seeing your facial expressions. humans are so expressive..) he also likes seeing your bruises and watching as the bruise changes colors over time as it heals. you joked one day that you could give him a bruise of his own that he can watch. he didn't like the joke (he prefers to give you (consensual) bruises.)

•now let's get into reverse Isekai for a bit.

•Knives does not fucking understand social media lmao. why the hell do you have to tell people you've never met what you did or thought that day and why are so many people interested? why do people do stupid things for views??

•he hates online discourse and always tunes you out when you try to talk about something that happened online. he doesn't care and thinks it's stupid.

•do NOT let him find out about stan culture or chronically online people. he's gonna lose any faith he had in humanity again. I wouldn't worry about that too much though. he has zero online presence, never uses social media outside of YouTube and even then he only uses it to watch documentaries or how to videos.

•memes confuse him a lot, especially how fast they come and go. you don't even know how to explain them to him. "why is this picture of a man just standing so funny?" "it just is? I don't know either." how do you even explain memes and internet culture to someone who's never been on the internet lol

•Knives thinks you're really weird if you've got a skewed sense of humor where something dramatically falling over makes you laugh(thinking of that waffle video.) he watches those types of videos with a straight face and when the video ends he just stares at you, wondering if you seriously think that's funny.

•he hates those youtube poop and deepfried videos. not only does he find them stupid and doesn't understand them, but they just bother his ears.

•bonus: Vash thinks the circadian rythym is pretty neat and that some people just know when to wake up. it took Vash a while to develop one, or at least, something like that since he doesn't technically need sleep. it'll never quite be the same though since he doesn't exactly get tired like humans do. it took decades for that type of tiredness to become present, but even still, he doesn't need it to survive.

#trigun headcanons #trigun x reader #millions knives x reader #knives x reader #reverse isekai

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transmutationisms · 1 year

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I feel like this is likely a bat to a hornet's nest topic but I deeply respect your takes and thoughts overall a lot so here goes: I really appreciate that the show frankly goes out of its way to not pathologize its characters and lets the audience sit with them in the context of their own lives. So I'm kind of baffled that so much focus is given to "diagnosing" them in fan discussions, the vast brunt of which Kendall gets. I don't understand how you can watch this show and understand him as someone who's been heavily abused and had his reactions to being abused weaponized against him and come away being like "wow it's so cringe he acts like that, he must have a brain disease and is just too stupid to understand that. every action he takes is because he is manic/depressed/letting the disease manifest. if only he took the good moral Legal drugs that I do instead of the ontologically bad ones that are Illegal and for dirty addicts. hopefully one day he will Get Help and Receive Treatment so he will be more palatable (no whatever he's done up to this point doesn't count because it didn't work which must inherently be due to his own moral failings)." How did a show like this attract so many Reganites??

bat at a hornets' nest yes. yeah i've said before that i dislike diagnosing fictional characters as a general rule. it's tautological ("they do [x] because they have [y], and they have [y] because they do [x]") and abrogates further analysis of their motives or the meanings of their actions. and it's doubly irksome to me with succession, because unlike a lot of tv, i genuinely don't think that it's written within the weltanschauung of dsm neurobio determinism. ie, it's not a show where the answer to "why did he do that?" is ever supposed to be "his brain is just like that"—these actions are supposed to mean something about what the character wants and needs, and the effect of the capitalist milieu on those things. it's psychological, not psychiatric (& of course, psychoanalytic approaches are common in formal literary studies, whereas blunt psychiatric diagnosis is decidedly less so).

with kendall's drug use there are some particularly irritating ways this all plays out. i've been fiddling with my own reading emphasising the context of logan's demands on kendall and the construction of bourgeois masculinity, and have tried to place kendall's drug use as a response to neoliberal control mechanisms à la deleuze or foucault. i could certainly be challenged on elements of this reading, but what i see on this website is generally just an endless slog of very biomedicalised reads that seem to have no awareness of the particular historical and social baggage present in that model. i do agree there's an element of reactionary DARE-esque moralising going on here (stg if i have to read one more post written by someone who, like, has never so much as met a coke user and thinks all drugs instantaneously give you irreversible morally weighted heart damage, lmao), but it's honestly not just that.

i think most of the time when people do this they're not trying to be reactionary or regressive, and often they not only don't believe themselves to be moralising affective distress, but actually think the dsm diagnosis is the way to avoid that type of moralisation. this is essentially the "it's a discrete disease entity, so they have no control over it and can't help it, so it's not their fault" argument. in practice this fails on many levels. for one thing, it often implicitly assumes that 'ending the stigma' requires any kind of mental disability or affective distress to be treated analogously to physical disability or illness, as though those latter are not also consistently stigmatised and moralised—because ableism is actually more complex than that and has to do with the fact that capitalism values people on the basis of the 'use' it can make of them and their bodies, etc etc. it is also, again, a wildly decontextualised understanding of affective distress, the reasons why people use drugs—including in a manner that feels compulsive and out of control—and so forth.

i'll add also that wrt succession, i actually do see a LOT of pathologisation thrown at roman as well, and more than an incidental amount directed at connor, tom, shiv, and logan. which is to say, i don't think this is solely about people's discomfort with addicts. there's a broad tendency among fans, echoing the even broader social tendency, to see medical diagnosis as personally liberatory, and medicine and psychiatry as passing 'objective' judgments that are necessary in order for a person to 'get better.' this is essentially positivism and is very much a status that the medical profession has fought to obtain (in france you can trace certain 18th-century discourses on national decline, aristocratic luxury, and the corrupting influence of the city -> the birth of clinical medicine after the first revolution -> social hygiene and the pathologisation of the parisian urban poor -> the third republic's 'physician-legislators' and the general class status and professionalisation of medicine; i know less about the gory details of the american and british cases simply by dint of what i do professionally).

we tend to forget these histories when talking about science; it presents itself as a set of timeless, incontrovertible truths that are simply waiting to be uncovered, and we have entire industries of science communication and journalism that propagate this view. which is to say, circling back to succession, i don't believe that most people diagnosing and pathologising these characters are trying to be reactionary or are aware that there are reactionary and moralising elements inherently built into these discourses. i think they're largely people who have not been given the tools to see alternatives, like the perspectives dominant in the history and sociology of science, which are very much kept paywalled and inaccessible on purpose because this is profitable for the academe.

this type of popular literary analysis is simply not going to go anywhere as long as this is still the status and the moral resonance of medicine (and psychiatry by extension because it gained its professional independence without sacrificing the appeal to medico-scientific epistemological authority). i don't think succession viewers are any more or less prone to this type of thinking than the general population they exist amongst. i firmly disagree with this attitude, obviously, and like i said, i don't actually think succession is written 'psychiatrically,' which cannot be said for all tv lol. but i more or less expect to encounter this type of deference to medico-psychiatric judgments in 95% of social interactions and contexts, again because of a combination of institutional control of information, other forms of inaccessibility, and physicians' and psychiatrists' advocacy for their own class and professional interests, both historically and ongoing today.

#psychiatry

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lgbtlunaverse · 10 months

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I think i need to explain why this line makes me go so feral

I think the "fine! I'll kill myself after I kill you" line from nie mingjue in chapter 49 permanently altered my brain chemistry and it has something to do with precisely how i got into the mdzs fandom space in the first place.

I've mentioned it a few times but i started watching the untamed in late 2019 right as it was blowing up everywhere and, likely due to a combination of undiagnosed adhd wrecking my ability to be interested in anything for longer than 4 seconds and me very much not being used to the specific style of acting, especially during fightscenes, i never finished it. The only concrete memory i have of it is seeing wen qing's face and meng ziyi completely short circuiting my little gay brain. I remember more of staring endlessly at pictures of her than I remember of the plot. Press F to pay respects.

Flash forward a few years and a friend recommends me a fic writer for an fma fic (the fic riter in question is metisket) and i like their stlye so much i decide to read other stuf they've written. Here we get to our prime suspect: "the one body problem" a genuinely hilarious fic where jingyi gets posessed by wei wuxian like a year before the plot happens and they become awkward brain buddies. 10/10 i loved it (and still do) even though i remember huasiang showing up in my first reading and I, having fully forgotten his name, had no fucking clue what was going on. (Little did i know...)

Anyway flash forward ANOTHER year and I decide to reread that fic, and then the other untamed fic metisket wrote, a wen qing time travel fix it that's also real fun. And then i'm like. huh. that's fun. wonder if there's anything in their bookmarks.

And then, within 20 days, I had read approximately 350 fics. Many of them 100k+ words. I cannot stress enough how much this CONSUMED my brain's ability to do or think about anything else. I now think back to the early days of getting my adhd diagnosis and insisted that while i had pretty much all other symptoms, I did not get hyperfixations. Lol. Lmao, even.

I am mainly focused on wangxian and the junior quartet becuase they are my baby ducklings and i love them. I do come across some 3zun fics and I think huh... this is interesting. But the 3zun brainrot is LIGHT at this point.

The thing about reading more than 350 fanfics is that at some point you kind of piece the plot of the source material back together backwards. Especially because my favorite genre was time travel fix its, where characters relive the whole plot and like to make allusions to all the ways everything went wrong last time.

Because I'm still squarely in my wangxian + juniors (plus a heavy dosis of yunmeng sibling reconciliation) corner here... the feelings on jin guangyao in my fandom corner are. different from where I'd end up soon after. He is my special little guy though, so I do kind of immediatley develop a fondness for him, and I approach my 3zun and early nieyao thoughts specifcially from the assumption that the widespread opinion is that nie mingjue is a fine good guy and jgy is the evil one (I have not seen the bad nmj takes yet. well... I am seeing DIFFERENT bad nmj takes but they're nice to him. In, like, the wrong way. With no solid undertanding of the inherent tragedy at the heart of him that makes him so blorbo to me. But still.) major reactions to the stairs scene as I see them on twitter are "girlboss! He should've kicked him harder 💅"

And the baby jgy apologist in me goes :/ me no likey. And at this point I am also actively seeking out metas and analysis posts so i'm seeing some better opinions than that and getting a halfway solid graps on the themes. wwx and jgy being foils becomes very obvious to me very quickly. So, with my curent understanding of the plot, I go... you know all you people who are like "god i wish nmj would have killed jgy sooner" it uhh... kinda sounds like he'd have died if he did that. If he'd killed him before meng yao had gone off to spy there is a very big chance they'd have lost the sunshot campaign and most of the main cast would be dead. If he'd killed him at the stairs that's... well that's killing your sworn brother, which by the canon's own admission is a universally reviled crime, and jin guangshan could easily take advantage of this by demanding nmj's head in retribution, since he already wanted to get rid of him anyway. He doesn't give a fuck about a-yao of course but he could pretend well enough that he does. And what leg would nmj have to stand on? The jin clan is canonically both willing and able to slaughter entire clans for the murder or attempted murder of the leader or his family, and nie mingjue is the kinda guy who'd immediately offer himself up if it meant the rest of his clan would be spared.

This combined with jin guangyao specifcally dying for his murder of nie mingjue, with huaisang basically not caring much about everything else he does and wanting to get revenge only for his brother, it gives nieyao a sort of mutual doomed soulmates feel. For either of them, killing the other would spell death for themselves. They either both die or they both live, one cannot live on without the order. That's crunchy. I like it.

The fire palace though? well, on meng yao's part there is a real argument that if he'd let nmj get killed immediatly instead of dragging it out he wouldn't have been able to get wrh alone and distracted enough to assasinate him, so that's one half of the mutual doom coin, and if nmj had killed him during their fight there he's also done for. But after? Right before Xichen intervenes? I had no answer for that yet.

(You know what's coming. I did not)

It is at this point that i realize that if this is gonna keep being A Thing then i need to read the source material before I catch fatal fanon poisoning. Yes, I can piece together the plot and themes from seeing what stays consistent across fics and what are the author's own opinons. But I know just as well that sometimes fanon just agrees on shit that didn't happen and treats it like canon, and I have no way of knowing which is which. So I start reading the novel.

And of course, eventually I get to the empathy sequence. And remember, my "nieyao both live or both die" theory is heavy on my mind at this point, and the only stickler is that nmj could sort of have killed meng yao after the confrontation with wrh, still believing meng yao was actually working for him, and not a spy, and get off... not scott-free, Xichen won't be happy, but it's not gonna cost him his life.

And then I read THIS.

Please Imagine dropping a whole block of pure elemental sodium into water. Except the sodium is this quote and the water is my poor little delicate brain. Not only is my theory right, it is ten times more unhinged than i thought it was.

And considering that Nie Mingjue does not seem like the kind of guy who'd consider something like a life debt to have an expiration date, and because after this he will link himself legally and socially to jin guangyao as family and declare that one among their brotherhood turning against the others is to be met with a painful death, I can no longer read the scene at the stairscase in jinlintai without the impression that he is still planning to die afterwards. Which, if you wanted to make that scene even more painful, this is a very efficient way of losing all your remaining hinges.

I think I'd have gone crazy about this line no matter what context I heard it in, but this one specifically? where I'm already obsessed with idea of nieyao's deaths being connected by the narrative and missing just this one piece and having it confirmed? out loud? from one of the characters himself? It's like giving cocaine to a baby.

#mdzs #fandom #jin guangyao #meng yao #nie mingjue #nieyao #? sorta #this was months ago and i have long since worked my way through the whole novel #plus rereading empathy approximately 14 more times #funnily enough the fics that initially got me interested in 3zun don't gell so well with my reading of them anymore #still very well written and i can reread them happily but it's still kind of ironic #it is what i wanted i suppose. Making sure you don't fall for fanon means fanon sometimes becomes less enjoyable #also @helesia if you're reading this yes YOU are the friend and yes that means this is YOUR fault #i'm billing you for my next therapy appointment #not meta not a headcanon but a secret 3rd thing (unorganized rambling)

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lincolndjarin · 4 months

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i didnt realize we hit 1500 until just now :,)

thank you all so much, ily ily ily, i love sharing my writing with you all and im so excited for whats to come. i dont have anything special planned as a milestone celebration so instead of that i will post a section of the din series ive been planning lol

me when its time to write another enemies to lovers slow burn forced proximity din djarin fic with religious undertones ^

just uhh for context btw im not gonna post many spoilers or other teasers for this but its important to the sneak peek that yall know that reader is a cyborg in this. a good chunk of the right side of her body has been replaced with robotics so yeah and din is a real dick about it lmao. enjoy !

⚙️

“I don’t travel with droids.” His voice reminds you of Boba’s when he wears that ridiculous helmet of his. Cold and hollow, more metal than man.

Boba sounds almost defensive of you when he speaks again. You can picture him leaning forward in his chair, the way he does when someone snaps at him. “She’s not a droid.”

“How much of it is even human?” You can’t help but flinch at that, no ones ever spoken about you in such a manner before. No one with a brain would disrespect someone like “Lord Fett” like that.

“She’s not an it.” Fennec speaks for the first time since all of this started, her voice is a hiss you’ve never been on the receiving end of before but you’ve heard her snarl at others before, slavers and other scum who come seeking a boon. You always wondered why such monsters would dare show their faces here, of course Boba dealt in criminal activity but never with people that foul. They often came seeking a Lord Fortuna, and were instead met with the barrel of Fennec’s rifle.

You can’t help but wonder if this “friend of Boba’s” is going to meet the same end. Both of them said they knew him well when he arrived but now they speak to him like the stranger that you know him as. A rude stranger.

The silence that follows is long, you can’t help but wonder if Fennec really did draw her weapon, before you can bring yourself to sneak a look around the corner you hear the all too familiar throat clearing noise that Boba makes before coming to a verdict.

“Look, either she watches the kid here, or she watches the kid with you. Either way she’s going to be involved, you just need to decide if you want to be there to keep an eye on her.” He always says everything with an air of finality, no wonder no one ever debates his decisions. The stranger barely has a chance to sigh before Boba continues. “No one trustworthy on Tatooine is going to take a babysitting gig for what you’re willing to pay.”

“I can’t afford anything more.” He’s furious. Even through the voice modulator you can hear that he’s trying not to lose his cool, but there’s an edge of desperation hiding under his anger.

“She’ll work for free. I’ll even cover her expenses.” You know Boba would do anything for you but this just seems like a bit much. He’s negotiating as if this man didn’t come to him asking for help.

“You want to get rid of her that badly?” Ouch. Rude and presumptuous.

“The last thing I want to do is lose her. That’s why I’m sending her with you.” You don’t doubt that. He’s proven to you enough how much you mean to him, even when he had no reason to.

“Sounds like you’ve made the decision for me.” Sounds like he made the decision for you as well. Has he even considered that you don’t want to go with him? Your desire to see the galaxy is fizzling out the more you think about having to travel with someone who doesn’t even see you as a person.

Another beat of that silence, dripping with tension before Boba takes control of the conversation once more. “She can’t stay here forever. I promised her she’d get to see someplace other than this dusty floating rock. They need me here. They need Fennec here. There aren’t many I would trust to do this but I know she’ll be safest with you. So take her or don’t, but you aren’t going to find anyone else to watch the kid for what you’re offering.”

“Find someone else.”

“There isn’t anyone else.” His patience is wearing thin. You know him well enough to know that he’s likely to snap soon. “You’re not the only one who’s trying to keep their family safe.” The authority in his tone reminds you of the exact reason no one ever argues with Boba.

Not even rude strangers who come bearing absurd demands and who claim to be friends.

“Fine.”

#ro rambles #thank yall so much #ily all #<3

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jademickian · 7 months

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oh man, haven't done tag games in a while, sorry friends 🥹 i've been passive the last few weeks because uni is really taking most of my time and energy, but i appreciate the tags and i love love reading your answers<3

ok enough blabbering, thank u @callivich, @lingy910y, and @mickeysgaymom for the totally optional, fun gallavich questions tag!

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

Stuck at Three for Days - delicious banter, laughed my ass off

another kiss is all it takes - so fuckin sweet, dude

Like Real People Do - just finished my reread last month:)) i needed the comfort

Cooperative Gameplay - currently rereading! i miss the feels

Sometimes I reread bits and pieces from ORFNSP and since we're alone because they changed my brain chemistry. I will eventually get around to actually rereading them.

2. What’s a gifset you always have to reblog?

You know the one... this legendary world heritage gifset

3. What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about?

not sure if this is counted but i always like to think that once, ian got struck with grief about monica's death on her death anniversary. mickey asks him what's wrong and he opens up about it. ian will say it's stupid but mickey will truly handle it with grace and say nah man it's not. because yahknow, he gets it. and ian melts at it, because no one has acknowledged his grief like this before. mickey teases him about it a bit, sure, but deep down he held ian's mourning warmly, like petals on his palm. and they went together to the cemetery that day, simply sat in front of her grave and talked. the good things, the bad. and that despite it all "hey, tleast she popped out an alien lookin mfer i ended up marryin." they get pizza after.

4. What’s a fanart you love looking at?

Van kiss by @lingy910y

Prince Mononoke by @darthvaders-wife

Prison Boyfriends by @gallavichonly

Part of Our World by @steorie

It's Okay by WhatsaMattavich

This Kiss by @deathclassic

SO MANY others actually if i could fit them all here

5. What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

i actually have a LIST lmao. one of those has something to do with art because i cannot take my mind away from human mickey and manananggal ian (manananggal is a Philippine myth creature with wings and can separate the upper half of its body from its lower half).

6. What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

oh man. believe it or not, i was never into fics. i was in fandoms before, but i just couldn't get into fics within those fandoms (i tried). this is the only time i truly liked and LOVED reading fics. it really speaks volumes about the talent and dedication, and i'm glad i got to experience it.

it's also fun reading metas on the show and getting different perspectives, especially on characters. one of my favorites (just because i was so distressed about it the first time i watched it) are analyses on the city hall scene and ian's hesitation on marriage. after reading up others' thoughts on it explaining the why's, i totally felt some relief and was able to get some sleep. lol

7. What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of?

apocalypse aus 👍

8. What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show?

The first five seasons are gems to me. but i truly love season 2 because it's so chill (at least compared to some of the heavier seasons after) and the gallaghers move as a unit. special mention for season 4 because it holds Emily and Lazarus.

9. What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved?

same qualms with @mickeysgaymom about mickey's mom. brain rotting over it.

10. What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

not gallavich related, and i'm sure people have already mentioned it, but sometimes it hits me how smart debbie is. like, i know she's smart, but people easily forget from all the chaos. at the heart of it, she's a fast learner and also would and have excelled academically.

11. What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship?

aaaa @lingy910y beat me to it! it's totally "I'll take care of you. / It's rotten work. / Not to me. Not if it's you." but if i could pick another, maybe "I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world."

12. What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

they'll grow old together and be just as in love, no matter what happens in between.

tagging @mybrainismelted, @scurvgirl, and @lupeloto if u wanna join!! raahh

#now back to my lab sheets #jade jabbers #tag games

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angst-is-love-angst-is-life · 1 month

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director's commentary on Trophy please 👀👀

Trophy

Oh gods where do I even start-- my magnum opus, my beloved, the every-horrible-thing-I-could-think-of-happens-because-no-one-stopped-me (and boy did my best friend try) fic

This was so long I'm sorry-- as you can see, I always want to talk about this fic but have ��anxiety✨. When asked about it though-- it's what my brain needs to allow it lmao. I do hope you enjoy :)

The first line was originally (as a thought) "I deserve this" , this was scrapped because the concept became irrelevant in later drafts (and now it may become relevant again-- who knows). The first bit before it cuts back to the race was originally the first of a back and forth kind of flashback thing. ex. chapter 2 would have taken place in the present with hints as to what happened, and chapter 3 would directly follow the events of chapter 1. If the way I explained that didn't make much sense-- that should be enough to show why this has since been changed💀

A single step away– but in the corner of his eye; a flash, a blur— and Zoom tackled him off the magnetar.

This was very intentional. I specifically wanted to mention just how close Barry was to winning as he did in canon. Makes everything that happens next all the sweeter, to me :)

There are many parts and lines that are going to hit so much harder later on and that's all I'll say about that matter for the moment.

“You really thought you could defeat me?” His low whine turned into a howl as Zoom pressed harder on an evidently broken rib. “Forgotten I’m the fastest man alive?” Zoom leaned further down and Barry bit his cheek to prevent a shriek. “Don’t worry.” Tone laced with venom, he wrapped a hand around Barry’s windpipe. Zoom’s mask was inches from his face, blocking the breach. “You’ll have plenty of time to remember.” He clawed at the hand desperately, struggling for air.

This is one of my favorite scenes ngl. I wrote this whole excerpt after rewatching the Enter Zoom scene and wrote nothing else for the rest of that night lmao. Tis where you get the parallels between those first two lines and ones in that episode "You really thought you could defeat me?" is just slightly changed from "{Harrison Wells}, you thought you could defeat me {with this}?" And as I type this, I have discovered another layer to that parallel that is extremely relevant to the story. Holy shit this is awesome (I will not be saying. spoilers.) ANYWAYS; the other parallel line. "Forgotten I'm the fastest man alive?" comes from "Never forget, I am the fastest man alive." I love parallels. Let's just say that Zoom is very irritated and a little offended that Barry seems to think he {Zoom}'s less powerful than he is. May need a couple more reminders...

Knew I needed another really bad injury besides the broken rib to both bring the Enter Zoom parallels to a climax, and to make the next scene/s work. I thought "Hey! Speedsters can't run if their leg is broken!" and that was that.

“Now you can watch your precious multiverse die. Knowing you’re the one who destroyed it.”

This might be my favorite line and it is the only anything from the first draft of chapter 1 that made it to the final draft. Also I wrote it at 5 am because of course I did.

Somewhere behind the two speedsters, there was a scream

The person who screamed will not be revealed in this fic but I do know who it was and there is an in-universe reason for it besides simply directing the attention away from Barry. I wrote a companion piece off of that reason-- may post it if I feel like cleaning it up a little. But for now, feel free to theorize :)

And finally, to round out the chapter 1 fun facts and commentary-- something I've wanted to say since that fateful day it was posted.

Around 50% of chapter 1 was written on March 14th from 5-11 pm with no food, no water, and no bathroom breaks. I had the power of whump and the speedforce on my side and I was DETERMINED to post it on Barry's birthday and it fucking worked.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR ASKING AND ENABLING ME BECAUSE I HAVE PUT WAY TO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS FIC AND AM DELIGHTED TO SHARE IT!!!

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

#fic writer director's commentary #trophy fic #shrinkthisviolet #long post #asks #ask game answers #a certain irl says I talk about it way too much but they will never understand I VERY MUCH DO NOT. At least not in comparison to how much I #/want/ to talk about it

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andreal831 · 1 month

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I know you have pretty much the entire story outlined for TGW so I’m not sure if you even gave much thought to this, but even if you didn’t, it’s still fun to think about ‘what ifs.’

I’m gonna split the questions up into multiple lines so it’s easier to read. It’s also been a couple months since I read this part of the story, but I was thinking about it earlier and with the new chapter posted I feel like picking your brain a little. So fair warning, some details might be off.

When Hayley offered to erase her memories of Elijah, was there any moment where you thought about actually having Hayley go through with it/Jackson not stop Klaus?

What would you have had Elijah’s reaction been like of finding out her memories of him were gone?

Would Hayley still interact with the other Mikaelsons as much?

Do you think Hayley would have fallen for him all over again had he’d actually gone back to New Orleans for good?

Would Hayley’s actions of been any different to the point Jackson knows she’s significantly different? Would he have felt guilt?

Would Klaus of been able to sit around and watch Elijah hurt, knowing he has the power to give Hayley her memories back? Or would he give her memories back even with Elijah telling him not to?

Would there be any situation that Hayley gained her memories back even without Klaus telling her to remember?

Would Hayley have kept on the bracelet that Elijah gave her?

Some other things that have absolutely no correlation with anything above.

I assumed you wouldn’t kill off cami just because of things you’ve said in other posts, but I wasn’t really sure of how just because of familial ties being required for the bind. The way you did it was absolutely perfect, but why doesn’t Cami also have to be at least part wolf for the unification to work? Given the information from Hayley and Jackson’s wedding, I thought both people had to be apart of the same pack. Im definitely just forgetting something.

Given you’re already planning a sequel(s), I’m assuming Elijah and Cami will both be fine eventually. If you don’t put it in the main story, can you please write an outtake of everyone throwing a huge party for cami and Klaus?

Are you planning the sequel to follow the basis of season 4 (moreso the hollow)? Or are you going a different route entirely?

Last question, wow this was a lot. Since you unified Klaus and cami, if Hayley and Elijah ever get married, will they also do the unification ceremony? It’ll make them stronger, so I don’t see why not.

I probably should’ve split this into two different asks, but honestly, I’m too lazy to do that now lmao.

This will have many spoilers for The Great War. If you are not fully caught up until today's new chapter, go catch up first!

Hi! Firsts, thank you for reading! I'm glad you are enjoying it.

I do tend to think about 'what ifs' a lot with this story. I've had most of it worked out in my head for so long and for the most part when I write, it goes in that direction, however sometimes side stories do sneak up on me and I have to figure out how to write them in or if I even need to include them. That's kind of what happened with the chapter where Hayley offers to compel away her feelings for Elijah.

This was always going to be a haylijah endgame and I didn't want to kill Jackson so I needed them to end someway and I wanted it to be on Jackson's terms. I always felt like Jackson's character was used as a place holder in the show rather than a character (which is why I never really liked the character), so I wanted to give him his own autonomy outside of just being an obstacle. I also hated how in the show Hayley doesn't have a backbone when it comes to Jackson. She never sets boundaries or stands up for how she is feeling. She essentially gives up her power over the pack and becomes his figurehead queen rather than the Hayley we know and love.

So in order to improve all of that, Hayley had to learn to stand up for herself and Jackson had to learn how to communicate. Meaning we needed an event that would push both of them out of the passive comfort they had fallen into after the unification ceremony. Jackson is angry about how Hayley feels about Elijah and Hayley had repeatedly told Jackson that she couldn't help how she felt in the show and then it dawned on me that, in this world, she can. We saw Elena do it with Damon. This led me down a completely different path than I had originally thought because I asked myself all of the questions you asked. I ended up not going down that path cause we were already 28 chapters in and it would have taken up so much time to get us there and back.

I also just don't think Jackson would ever actually let Hayley go through it. Say what you will about Jackson, I know I do, but he did love Hayley. He didn't always understand her but he wouldn't want her to love him simply because she forgot about Elijah. He wanted her to love him and move on from Elijah herself. And when he realized she never was going to, he decided he needed to move on.

All of that to say, I did debate going down that road but I thought it would be out of character for Jackson and any of the Mikaelsons. I never liked how quickly Rebekah and Klaus got onboard with the unification ceremony and throwing a whole wedding in their home and Klaus inviting Elijah to it like he didn't realize just how painful that would be. But none of the Mikaelsons would ever help Hayley erase Elijah.

Now if she somehow convinced someone to do it, no one would want to tell Elijah. Klaus would likely tell Astra who would then have to tell Elijah. And part of Elijah would be relieved. At this point, Elijah is holding onto his part of the white oak stake in case he needs to take dramatic measures to save his family. Part of him would be relieved that there would be one less person to mourn him. But the other part of him would be devastated. He never anticipated being with Hayley any time soon, but, as Jackson stated, he did hope that they would have their chance eventually.

Elijah wouldn't have gone back to New Orleans because Hayley wasn't what was keeping him away. And he would need even more time away because seeing Hayley look at him without the affection he was used to would break him in ways he hadn't felt since Celeste's death. He would try to get back with Astra to help ease the pain which would only make her angry because she knows exactly what he was doing. It would be a mess.

In New Orleans, Hayley would still interact with the Mikaelsons. Her relationships with each family member existed outside of her feelings for Elijah. However, she likely would feel more pulled to the pack. I think Jackson would end up even more annoyed because Hayley wouldn't just be completely in love with him. I do think Hayley loved him but was no in love with him. Simply erasing her feelings for Elijah wouldn't make her be in love with him. I never felt like Jackson did much to "woo" Hayley. Like at least flirt with your wife if you want her to fall in love with you. He went from accepting that they were just marrying for political reasons to being upset that she wasn't treating it like a marriage. So they still had their own things they would have to work through even if we removed her feelings for Elijah. But I definitely think he would have felt guilty. He would have made her remove such a large part of herself after she already had sacrificed so much for her daughter and their pack.

If Elijah did come back in town, he wouldn't try to win her back. He would check in to make sure she was happy. But they would definitely have to interact at some point. They are still family. Hayley would remember Elijah, just not her feelings. But unlike with Damon and Elena, Elijah hadn't done anything to hurt her so she wouldn't hate him. He would just be a distant family member that she doesn't have any feelings for, one way or another. But like Season 5 showed us, the feelings wouldn't stay gone for long. Haylijah developed feelings for each other very quickly and when they met up in France, it just showed that it would happen no matter what situation they were in.

Elijah would of course tell Klaus not to give her her emotions back because that's what she wanted, but Klaus would argue it's not what she wanted, it's what Jackson wanted and he doesn't care about what Jackson wants. Klaus would 1000% force them back on her once Elijah was back. Or even before that if he felt like Hayley was making decisions based on her feelings for Jackson. I could see him using it to try and manipulate them.

I would love to say Hayley would gain her memories back just for seeing Elijah or some other romantic thing. But that's not how compulsion works. Klaus would have to undo it.

Hayley would keep the bracelet on and she wouldn't be sure exactly why, but it would feel important that she did. She would still remember it was from Elijah and the letter he wrote, she just wouldn't have the emotions connected to it. But she knew that Elijah would keep her safe and that would feel important to her.

I'm so terrible at trying to scare you all because I make it so obvious what parts of the show I can't stand and must change, like Cami's death.

I had to think long and hard about how they would save her. I wanted her to be in the Chambre, but like you said it required a familial tie and unfortunately, Cami is a bit short on family. But the Mikaelsons are her family. So I just needed to make it a reality. I debated a regular marriage but felt like that wouldn't be enough for familial magic, she needed to share blood, or in this case a heart. This is where I'm deviating slightly from the lore. The lore requires it to be alphas from different packs. And Klaus isn't in any pack so logically he can just be the alpha of his own pack. Now it working on a non-vampire is completely in my head and since it's a fictional magical world I can bend things to my will. I try to stay within the rules of the world (more than the writers do sometimes), but this one I can see working. We don't know much about the wolves spreading out, but we know the ceremony was used because packs developed different powers. To me, it would make sense that in the early days, the packs would unite with different supernatural creatures and that's how the packs developed different powers. How else did they become so different when they all derived from the same original pack?

Spoilers for the next story: We will get some marital party(ies). We have not seen the last of Klamille. I just couldn't do that.

TGW is ending in August 2014 and I will not be doing a long time jump like the show did. I hated that so much. They made a whole show about a magical baby and just skipped over the majority of her life. We will have a little bit of a time jump so we will be somewhere in 2015. More spoilers, we will see some crossover from TVD if that gives you any hints of what the story will be about. Also the name of the next story is "I Know Places." All of my story titles are based on Taylor Swift songs (I did that so long ago and have committed to it).

I haven't thought about a unification ceremony between Hayley and Elijah because I need to think through what that would mean to the pack and Jackson. It would give Hayley a boost, but would it sever any ties between Hayley and Jackson as co-alphas? To me, them no longer being married didn't do anything since the magic was already in place, but if Hayley then ties herself to another as an alpha in her own right, it feels like it would get messy with her ties to her pack since she is not an alpha by herself. If that makes sense?

I know this is long but let me know if I didn't answer anything or if you have more questions!

Thank you so much for reading my story! I truly appreciate it and love talking about it.

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zukosdualdao · 2 months

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Im glad to read the takes of a fellow zuko stan :)

Honestly, it feels like people just hate on him way too much lately. The posts ive seen on twitter, on tik tok, on tumblr... Do people just not like him anymore? Why did everyone turn against him so suddenly? I've been hoping it's something temporary, just a trend, but. I don't know anymore. People mock his disability, spit on his trauma, wish death on him and interpret everything he says or does in the worst possible way. I saw someone crying about how entitled he was because he took aang's seat when watching the play just the other day lmao. Another person wrote about how mysoginistic he was because he didn't remember katara's name when asking about kya's death to sokka? There are those who even call him a colonizer on the same level as iroh lmao. It seems their justifications for all the salt they throw his way are along the lines of "he's been loved for too long, aang stans have suffered way more, people just watched the show again and realized how bad he actually was, he's catching strays since his fans keep setting him up, his fans paint him as perfect and erase every bad thing he's done" etc etc. I'm all for criticism and deeper character analysis, but this is just said in bad faith. I also think it has a bit to do with how different engagement has become in fandom spaces recently (things people support in fiction need to be morally correct) and well, zuko was the perfect target. He's done bad things, sides with the villains for a good portion of the series, redeems himself but there are things he still has to work on... I don't know, it's been getting to me. There are many other harsh things ive read said about him (like implying how every single member of the gaang hates even after redeeming himself), but i honestly don't have the energy to delve into each and every one. His arc was poorly executed and his development was badly written now, apparently. I kind of just ranted here, i apologize. Im very happy to read the posts of someone who genuinely likes him and doesnt throw him under the bus to defend or elevate other characters...

hi! i'm glad you're enjoying my blog <3 and no need to apologize for the rant, i'm always happy to talk about zuko!

about to theorize a bit as to why it seems like maybe zuko has become a more contentious character, but it should be noted i have not been exceptionally, actively involved in the fandom very long. i loved atla as a kid, have retained fond memories, have witnessed some discourse from the fringes over the years, but only recently has it overtaken my brain to the point of making a whole blog about it. lol. so, like, grain of salt, etc.

i think a big part of it is what you said - in the last few years of fandom in particular, it feels like there has been a huge upswing in purity culture, moralizing liking/not liking certain ships or characters, and an overall increase in very black-and-white thinking. there's also an emphasis on "holding people accountable" (good in theory), often without specifying what, exactly, that looks like (less good). the idea then becomes that if you've done harmful things, there's no way you can ever make up for them and should just, like, hate yourself for all eternity and also die, probably, which is not actually helpful to anyone.

so, i think for those who ascribe to that mindset, zuko is a prime candidate for them to criticize. and while there's nothing wrong with criticizing a character or their arc or writing if you truly have a problem with it, as you've said, a lot of the time, criticisms against zuko don't seem to be made in very good faith. after all, a big part of zuko's arc is having to unlearn some very black-and-white thinking. also, zuko is not a real person. he is a character, and therefore a narrative tool, and if we want him to be 'held accountable', we need look no further than the story itself, in which he is probably the character the narrative holds the most accountable for his actions due to his prior status as a villain.

(it reminds me a bit, actually, of another favorite character of mine: alec in the tv series shadowhunters. he starts out the story already in a heroic role, unlike zuko, but a big part of his narrative is unlearning some prejudiced cultural mindsets and challenging not only his previous ideologies, but his conception of himself and the people in his life as well. as a result, alec can look sometimes more obviously flawed than the other main cast, but the point is that the narrative asks him to examine those flaws and change and introspect and grow in a way that it doesn't always ask of other characters when they are showcasing their own flaws. which does make me thing about zuko vs. aang in the atla narrative.)

the other thing i think is contributing to zuko's more contentious status in the fandom is how long atla's been in the cultural consciousness, and how common it is for things that used to be popular to cycle through to people starting to criticize or actively hate it to people saying "no, actually, it's still pretty good, you just don't want to like a popular thing" (this is me rn), to maybe eventually getting popular again/at least in certain subsects of the audience. zuko was probably one of the most talked-about aspects of atla for a long time, and while i can understand how that could get frustrating (because there are some other really great characters and aspects of the story!), that's not, like, for no reason. people connected with and admired his story for a reason, and many still do, and (in my humble opinion) that is because it is one of the most thought-out, intentional, and nuanced character arcs of the show.

the ableism, i think, really gets to me because like... even if every criticism from the people who hate him were 100% accurate and said in good faith (they're not, but let's pretend for a minute)... that still wouldn't be an excuse for ableism against a character with a prominent facial difference (or making fun of abuse survivors for the permanent injuries they sustain from abuse.) if zuko had never redeemed himself and stayed a villain, it would still be wrong to talk about his scar and abuse the way some of his detractors do. and the show agrees with me! you know how i know? the only two characters to ever make fun of zuko's scar are villains in the narrative: zhao and azula. ("make fun of" might not be quite right for zhao, since what he said - "you have the scar to prove it" - is far more matter-of-fact than azula imitating him by covering her eye or "make sure they get your good side", but he's absolutely being a huge jerk about it.) other characters react to zuko's scar in all sorts of different ways, even when he's still in a villain/antagonist/anti-hero role: zuko's crew is horrified to learn how he got the scar, song sees a point of connection and tries to reach out to him, but, while i think well-intentioned, she breaks a major boundary by trying to touch his scar when he hasn't conveyed he's okay with that, jet makes assumptions about his background because of it, lee, the kid from zuko alone, asks with curious, childish naivete how he got it, only for his father to reprimand him for asking, aang reacts with annoyance/boredom to azula's ableist joke, and katara trips over her words to correct him when zuko thinks she's essentially calling him "scary to look at". not all of these interactions are positive, but the characters (all of whom are written as pretty sympathetic, even if also flawed) aren't outright trying to make fun of him for it, and the narrative never implies he deserves to be treated as less than because of it, even before his redemption.

anyway. if people don't believe in characters' (and, hell, irl people's) capacity for growth and change and don't want to have nuanced discussions about how trauma can impact these things, i mean... that's their prerogative, but i don't understand why they enjoy the show, because those are big parts of it (and not just wrt zuko.)

i know it can be frustrating, anon— trust me, i get very frustrated. but i promise you, there are plenty of people out there who a) still love zuko and his story and b) are capable of and willing to talk about things with nuance and in good faith. i'm happy to be part of that corner of fandom, and i bet you can manage to carve out a space where more people like that exist, too! <3

#fandom critical #aang critical #atla critical #a little. jic #ableism //#abuse //#atla #zuko #anonymous #asks #i didn't delve into some of the specifics of people's aggravating bad-faith takes anon bc otherwise this post would be 3x longer but trust #hate them too #also the world is not ready for my alec/zuko parallels post that i still haven't made #cross-media parallels #for reasons

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ashsostrange · 9 months

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I'm honestly surprised at the amount of people who are still supporting him.He's got his little ((whats left of them at least)) fan base wrapped around his fingers.

“ He’s a minor he cant think for himself, his brain ain't developed!!” “ You don't know what it's like for him at home!” my fav so far “y'all are ablest and racist!! Yall don't care about black people!”

Bitch no one gives a fuck that he is black!! Motherfucker is telling people/threatening to eat glass to get away from what he's said to people. Calling someone out for gaslighting and trying to manipulate people with that shit ain't racist. Also using self diagnosis and laying about taking pill that will “get you high” as a way to get out of all his call outs. This is the stupidest shit I have seen while being on tumblr for the past three or so years like damn!!💆🏾‍♀️

perioddd!! lemme talk my shit again

i honestly giggled when his bf tried to say “y’all hate black people” when pretty much everyone speaking on him is black. why would i do that bc he’s black?? i’m black, not to mention a darskin girl. do with that info what you will.

ppl wna make us seem like bullies so bad. this isn’t just about what happened w catty, hell, it’s hardly about her at all! it’s ab his behavior in general. it’s inappropriate! if he would’ve just owned up, there wouldn’t have been a problem. i’m not obsessed w this nigga, i don’t care to go out of my way to make a post ab him everyday. he’s the one who escalated this further. he only wants us to “mind our business” when we’re not coming for his neck.

ab his mental health, if he doesn’t have a real diagnosis, he needs to not claim mental illnesses like that, but rather acknowledge that something is wrong with him. if you make a mistake, you need to not blame every damn thing on your said mental illness. if anything it’s a justification, but never an excuse. take the initiative to look at yourself and decide if you’re in the right headspace to be on the internet or not. i struggle with mental health, but not in the way he allegedly does. if ik i’m not in the right headspace for something, i step away. he needs to do that. and invest in a diary.

i genuinely don’t know why people are defending him when he did this to himself. if woulda stopped riding my dick like beyoncé rode that surfboard, then maybe we wouldn’t be here right now. accountability isn’t a bad thing. we’ve all made mistakes. i know i’ve made many, it’s about how you address them that matters.

i was literally defending his lame ass when he was sending inboxes as an anon to cause more mess between these two girls. yao was saying he was behind the anon and obv i didn’t believe her bc it wasn’t making sense to me at the time, and there was no real way to prove it. but then he started sending her hella inboxes and tagged all his mutuals saying “war has begun” a whole day later. when i tell you i showed one of my bsfs that post and we LAUGHEDD 🤣🤣🤣 nigga this is tumblrrrr, not a battlefield! from that day i’ve been watching him lmao. didn’t wna say anything about his behavior until i gathered more info cuz i’m not a mean girl (and didn’t want his army bombarding my inbox), but this is ridiculous.

and i’m so glad lia dmed me one day so we could discuss his weirdness. we literally played his ass and he didn’t know. bro was sending her msgs talking ab “i liked your new fic, but you blocked me” and he was the only one she had blocked recently. he sent so many hateful msgs under anon after that, nd he was reblogging it acting like it wasn’t him like… ok weird nigga.

i’m not ableist or “racist” (i’m literally fucking black!) fuck i gotta b ableist for? i’m the last person to rock w any kind of tomfoolery, and all my mutuals and irls know that. i’m unapologetically me on this blog. what you see is who i am.

“he’s a minor!!” so are the rest of us dealing with his bs bro. i’m literally SIXTEEN 😭

like i said, in most situations, if multiple people (with good morals) are telling you that you’re wrong, you can’t be right. i was never disrespectful with him to begin with. you get disrespectful with me, i get disrespectful with you. don’t care who you are ✌️like thank yewww

#ash spills 🌺

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jazzyblusnowflake · 4 months

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Out of curiosity may I ask for your thoughts on hazbin hotel? I’m not the biggest fan of it. I do like nifty and sir pentious though.

Also I enjoy your murder drones art. I love the way you draw uzi :)

Ehhh, the relationship with me and how i feel about about HH is a long one, considering ive been following viv since her deviantart days lol. well i wasn't ever that much of a fan, mostly cuz ive never been too into that stretchy cartoonish artstyle she used to use for her comic "Zoophobia" buuuuut i had to hand it to her- she def managed to accomplish something a lot of us wish we could do with our world buildings huh? so ill give her that much lmao. but I'm gonna say that i haven't watched the show YET.

tho as far as controversies surrounding her uh... religion imagery goes- even as someone whos been brought up as a religious muslim- i don't really care tbh. you need to have a certain level of capacity for satire like this and if you don't, its really not for you //shrug. mostly to say you need to really know your own rights and wrongs to not be affected by a cartoon made by people who have their own beliefs yknow?

but as far as the story has gone so far in Helluva boss im not really.... ANYWAY- its fiction, and i don't have to like EVERY aspect of it, i don't think the writing is GREAT i don't think its AWFUL- currently I'm in a very big MEH area towards it lmao-

but i can say for certain that i absolutely LOVE the songs and adore them- especially thankful of having found one of my favorite artists eVER through HH- "SILVA HOUND"- there is almost no work that he has put up that i don't go crazy over- when the beat drops i feel my soul ascend yall don't understand 😭 <33333333

and well finally the art i guess? i like it, not bad, kinda tired seeing so many people trying to imitate it to a tee- i agree that imitation is the highest form of flattery lmao but it gets old when everyone's trying to be similar yknow? but character-design-wise, again, i feel like the character designs are amazing? but.... misplaced i guess.... we all know that these characters are vivzies old ocs, but lore wise- none of the characters look like what they are supposed to be... like we all know the issue with Beelzebub, sigh, that was weird for my eyes to behold as someone who remembers queen bee from zoophobia- and im not even sure if Vaggie is a moth anymore considering her uh... new backstory??? was she even a human at some point anymore? is Adam a human? are half of the heaven population wearing masks? why do they look like characters from monsters inc. that got a yassified by James Charles?? im... so confused lmao. why do angels have horns and hell sinners have wings?? looking at husker- skipping the Alastor controversies- yada yada yada- is Charlie supposed to be a goat when neither of her parents are- yeah okay im tired never mind.

short version: its interesting on the eyes, confusing to the brain XD

overall my final comment is: its fun as long as you don't take it religiously serious ;p

and thank you so muchhh :D

#snow rambles

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longtallglasses · 5 months

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Favorite ship

favorite ship? favorite SHIP?

titanic for sure i had a huge fixation on it as a child i even came up w a roller coaster idea for it although ive been told it would be distasteful to execute

but actually sry anon im going to have to use this as an excuse to talk about every single one of my favorite ships and why i love them bc ive had a notes list going for a while…

in really no particular order:

wolfstar - what can you say you know if you know you know they are the definition of literary soulmates. the fact that j** wrote them without the intent of making them be in love is so baffling it’s ridiculous. people talk about ships like oh they’re the sun/star and so and so is the moon which is all well and good but is it written in the text?? do their names literally translate to moon and star?? THEIR HISTORY wolfstar is the blueprint no one’s done it like them and i dare say no one will again

byler - my current brain rot and just may be becoming an all time fave (no that’s a lie they’re my fave) best childhood friends to lovers my favorite trope they are a ship i’ve always yearned for. small town 80s nerds the pining the angst the Horror! their potential is so promising and have become such a amazing vessel for me - i relate to both of them so much on so many levels that it makes the creativity just FLOW

catradora - catradora. CHANGED. THE. GAaaaamee. best friends to enemies to lovers?!? WHAT. honestly this whole show changed the game. nestled in each others hearts they know how to twist the knife but also know exactly how to make it better ! that one intense homoerotic friendship u had when u were younger that slowly destroyed you. catradora my beloved.

victurri - from yuri on ice. this one was esp special to me bc i watched that go down live my senior year of hs so it was quite formative. i hadn’t fully grasped my queerness at the time(even tho everything i consumed was gay…) but i did suspect i was somewhere on the ace spectrum and watching their relationship build and come together through a growing emotional intimacy was soooo special to me and they will always be famous. (also weirdly it’s the fandom i hav the most merch of w/o ever buying a single thing bc i never shut up about this show when i was younger so ive been gifted everything them stickers, key chains, posters, pins so much lmao)

dorlene - badass girlfriends. i have a whole backstory for marlene in my head that i think veers from the most popular characterization of her (she’s been very sirius-ified by most of the fandom which i’m not mad at but!) my dorlene MY dorlene is very srs and very important to me.

elmax - okay okay lumax for the show elmax for personal reasons. el a sheltered traumatized girl being exposed to true love and friendship w/o expectations or conditions by a gives zero shits free spirited max - max being harsh and stand offish to most people bc of her own history but is so warmed and won ovr by el’s honesty and naivety. the way they Can Grow together ! the way they can be exactly what the the needs!

honorable straight mentions lol:

recently carmy and syd from the bear !!! oooo that slow burn

jily obvs

and percabeth that is a beautiful ship of my childhood dreams and i’m so excited to see it play out now on screen!

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 2 years

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y’know not to jump onto the string of posts that i’ve been seeing about “please learn small talk for the love of god”….. but i think the memes around “all i want is deep talks and REAL conversations. none of this shallow shit anymore. i have to talk about space and existence and everything when i first meet someone” really do rot your brain.

because during my time in UG uni (2015-2018) i was very much on my high horse about needing deep conversations. but following that line of thinking is mostly why i made next to no friends at uni. i was so obsessed with the idea of needing “deep, meaningful and insightful” or whatever the fuck the memes said convos, that i really struggled to build small talk skills about “inane shit” (as per memes) like the weather, sport, the daily mundane hum-drum of life. and also work (but we all know i never worked during uni so this bit doesn’t count for me). i forgot how to ask people what their fave shows were, what their fave music was. hell, even what their fave flavour of coffee was or whatever. y’know, besides all the lame getting to know you ice breaker games at the beginning of each semester…. that tried and always kinda failed at trying to get everyone to build common ground and be friends, i really never asked these types of questions to anyone during undergrad. so obvs, in turn, no one/barely anyone asked them of me outside of icebreaker games. so, it was very isolating and lonely, to say the least.

but when it came to it, i never actually wanted the deep conversations, really. my degree was deep enough, being english and philosophy. so much so, that i didn’t even want to explain things to people (like the symptoms of my stomach tumour- ie constant bouts of nausea and extreme tiredness) which is exactly one (1) of the many, many things that put me off dating for the entirety of uni. i just wanted empty conversations, to keep my mind off of my assignments and the sheer amount of course content that i was trying to avoid for them. i wanted time to stop. to freeze. to slow the fuck down. and god. i just wanted someone to talk to. but lo & behold, fucking dumb ass early 20s me also didn’t want to talk to anyone bc “the conversation isn’t quality and deep”; all because of the amount of time i spent on This Here Hellsite (affectionate)™️ reblogging those bs memes and also liking them on fb. but what fucking early 20something year old actually knows what Quality Conversation™️ is anyway???? lmao. sure asf not me back then. and i’m sure asf not many other early 20somethings would know, either.

but now that i’m finally in a job, i see the importance of small talk. i see how it helps build routine and build connections slowly, but surely. i’m still building friendships at work. but god. it’s so much easier to blab about the shows you’re watching, what you did on the weekend, your fave wine/s, the good places to eat in the city or whatever the fuck else small stuff that you talk about at work.

because holy fuck. if someone had come up to me on my first day in march this year, demanding that “oh hey! we have to talk about quantum physics and the essence of being a solid state of non-celestial being and how that effects the very existence of humanity in the world” or some other weird sounding deep shit, i would have ran straight out of the office. like no joke: what the fuck is up with todd??? because we sure as fuck aren’t in a quantum physics lecture or a philosophy of science or physics lecture that would begin that debate. bc bro. simmer the fuck down and tell me if you like to surf or not. good fucking god. we’ll get to those convos on lunch break, eventually. but not when i barely fucking know you. sweet baby lord jesus.

like don’t get me wrong. yes. we need to have deep conversations with people. but you’re never going to get them if you totally block out and dismiss ALL small talk as “pointless, inane and useless” or “vapid and empty” as opposed to putting “deep conversations about time and the universe and how people meet in the cosmos (not counting vision boards)” on a pedestal…. and trying to paint yourself as a pretentious pseudo-intellectual (i guess) douchebag who only wants to talk about that stuff. because like i said earlier, no one wants to talk about the state of the human race or whatever the fuck the first time they meet someone, really.

(although asking political beliefs and stuff is probs a good idea but that’s a whole other post).

basically my point is: for anyone who is Terminally Online™️ and a Humble Meme Farmer™️ like myself and has had the Internet Brain Rot Worms™️ infiltrate their brain with the “fuck small talk! i have to have deep conversations the moment i meet you!” bullshit….. please try to break free from them. practice small talk in the mirror. practice in the shower or the bath. practice it while you drive yourself around (if you have your licence/a car). practice it in the dark of night in a seance of small talk demons. idek whatever your style is.

just. learn to build small and simple connections with other people with easy things like “what’s your fave colour?” or “what’s your dogs name??” et al. ad infinitum. because for crying out loud. when you really think about it, that’s what all those OG tumblr askbox question posts were all about. small talk. but it’s easier obvs with only a keyboard in front of you, and an imaginary audience. but it’s obvs different in person, where you can’t delete words and screwups. but who the fuck cares???

just get the fuck away from your laptop and actually talk to people in the real world. not just your fellow terminally online meme farmer mutuals on various social media sites. because then you’ll realise that small talk, albeit it being a bit of a pain sometimes, ain’t all that bad….. even for a socially awkward ambivert/introvert infp (like myself- see i’m still ~quirky ✌🏻✨~)…. and is kinda inevitably essential to building stable friendships/relationships…… instead of believing that being deep and meaningful and trying to force The Big Deep 🧐🌊🔮👽🤯™️ on everyone, all the time, is the only way to have good conversations.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #i did make a huge rant piece about this on a post about it MONTHS ago now #but i’m not bothered to go back into my archive or my posts to find it rn

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suffarustuffaru · 7 months

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hello. im back because im on my playlist kick and found yet another older rezero playlist of mine and then fixed it up. im very normal about amnesiabaru and gluttony if (lying through my teeth) :3

anyway. this is also in narrative order from roughly the start of the amnesiabaru arc all the way to roughly the start of gluttony if. ever wanted to have a music playlist about the transition from amnesiabaru to gluttonybaru? now you got it 👍

notes under the cut.

the three songs with jp titles are called (in order of appearance on the playlist) "donut hole", "patchwork staccato", and "nonsense speaker" in english. i highly recommend reading the english translated lyrics for these (the nonsense speaker cover i used IS in english though on this playlist) if you arent a jp speaker bc theyre very good songs and i think they fit. plus ive actually seen patchwork staccato used for gluttony if animatics haah (and. you know. the Title is very. very good.)

a lot of the songs i chose have very nice references to gluttony if related things... not just in song title either haah and a lot of these song choices were me half-joking but like. ok i had a jekyll and hyde phase and im still quite fond of that story ok. i can use as many jekyll and hyde songs as i like. and i think its really funny using them for a gluttony if playlist 😭 tokyo ghoul and frankenstein songs too... THEY FIT THOUGH I PROMISE. and "people watching".... yeah subarus about to do some people watching alright. i am probably so foul for these song choices but i stand by it 😭

i used donut hole as the intro song for Reasons (see the lyrics) and also rabbit heart by florence bc. ok i know i keep using florence songs but hear me out. rabbit heart on this playlist represents amnesiabaru popping into existence and being happy with being isekaied (he is about to get his shit rocked)

anyway other important songs include:

world has gone insane: ngl this song slaps so hard i dont care what anyone else says. it changed my brain chemistry hearing it years ago. its very good. i highly recommend this song over all other songs on this list. and also this song in this playlist marks amnesiabaru officially dying and getting his shit rocked <3 the world HAS gone insane!!

papers: continuation of amnesiabaru getting his shit rocked.

class of 2013: i. i think its very clear why this song is here once you listen to it 😭

lifeboat: subaru gets more paranoid 👍

empty pages: books.

a sadness runs through him + i need to know: the official transition into gluttony if....

one of us + nonsense speaker: they are the finale songs to show the sad sad tragedy that is gluttony if 👍

i have very in depth thoughts on gluttony if but ive spent all my brain cells writing selfcest fic and making this music playlist LMAO but yes this playlist reveals some more of my interpretations on gluttony if. maybe one day i will actually make analysis posts on it.

anyway if you read all this thank you for indulging me!!!! :o

#I KNOW. ANOTHER PLAYLIST. BUT I PROMISE IM KIND OF COOKING OK.#natsuki subaru #rezero #suffaru post #gluttony if #im very normal about gluttony if. promise. (lying)#Spotify #arc 6 spoilers #making these playlists is super fun ok. and also i get to have numerous playlists to choose from now HAH i listen to music A LOT. so this i #very self indulgent of me yes.

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aerospectrum · 9 days

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Unsure if I sent a response back sorry adhd brain is bad sometimes LOL but it’s been lovely talking to you too! I don’t have anyone to talk about the show with besides my mom who watches it with me but I still have Yellowstone brainrot. Again I’m a Beth girlie but it’s nice to talk to others in the fandom and discuss. I think the show is great because they’re all such victims of each other and the family dynamics are just horrifically toxic. Every relationship John has with his children is abusive and volatile in some degree. Branding Kayce because he disobeyed him. Pushing and punishing Jamie because he’s not who he wants him to be, sending him away to college when that’s not what he wanted. Beth is extremely loyal to him to her own detriment because I personally feel like she’s trying to make up for killing her mother and taking his wife away from him, but no matter how much she tries she won’t ever make that up in John’s eyes. Anyways, you have a good one 💕

Aaaahhh I have so many thoughts also the adhd brain is a mood for sure my dude! sorry it took me forever to get to this! I’ll put my stuff under a cut again only because I tend to ramble and I gotta save the dash sanity for others lol

ok first I wanna go back to Beth lmfao. god she has such depth to her and I feel like we’ve been cheated by T.Sher so badly. Her trauma is unreal and so unprocessed and so unexplored and it’s not faaaair. When it’s Christmas and she is terrified of what’s happening to her??? puberty and she’s terrified, my poor child, I felt so sad that that was such a scary moment for her and then she was already in pain too and her mom was just like “now I have to make sure you’ll survive this man’s mans world and make you ultra haaaard” that made me so sad because I feel like she already was trying so hard to survive as a child. then the flashback to her mothers death. Genuinely I still feel so much rage over it. She was clearly uncomfortable and did not want to be on this big animal that she wasn’t comfortable controlling and unsure of being on and her mom just idk completely disregarded her and basically told her “you’re shit outta luck man up” like girl what??? Your young daughter is feeling very unsafe on a dangerous animal, I get pushing your kids to face their fears but like why did it have to be a joke to East Jesus nowhere??? Then ITS NOT EVEN BETH’S FAULT, Evelyn’s horse spooks(it’s not even looking at Beth, Beth does nothing wrong and nothing at all to affect her horse) but yeah it spooks it’s fucking self and obviously crushes her but Beth is already weeping and scared and blaming herself and Kayce is so intune with the needs of everyone so he pleads for her to let him go get John and she LOCKS EYES WITH BETH AND BLAMES HER!!! straight up is like nah Beth’s the reason my horse spooked it’s her fault my horse crushed me she made this mistake being a completely normal scared child she has to fix this mistake

Beth didn’t even hardly know the way back her horse bucks her off, she gets hurt she runs back she’s already internalizing the grief of this unfair blame she’s saddled with and then what happens???? JOHN YELLS AT HEEEEER. crying screaming throwing up dyyyyying. home girl literally got blamed by her mom for killing her and then he dad yells at her for crying and being hurt and scared oh my gosh I’m so mad lmao. Um…. but yeah. Beth clearly struggled with anxiety and security at a young age and I think she wanted to make her mother proud and prove she was hard enough to survive “with the boys” so she could survive her own survivors guilt that Evelyn forced her to experience maybe???

also yeah!!! I do think John blamed Beth for his wife’s death and she’s desperate to make up for it but also resents John for moving on with any other woman because I think he made sure she felt she was responsible for Evelyn’s death and his unhappiness afterwards— maybe somehow that ties into like her resentment of what Jamie did to her too? Like maybe it triggers this massive guilt in her where she subconsciously thinks well fuck I stole my fathers happiness so my brother stole mine??? God idk what even is meta? Probably not this lol.

not me writing a novel on Beth’s childhood… but then a few years pass and she asks Jamie for help and yeah he fucks it up because well idk part of me does feel it was lazy writing on Tshers behalf again, because they had to be teens in the 90s and sterilization on Rez’s stopped in the 70’s I’m pretty sure idk still. But also like I just think with the fear of failing and the deep rooted trauma of “inate otherness” that Jamie clearly carried around from a young age I just don’t genuinely feel like it was in his character to allow Beth to suffer like that. He would’ve spoken up or argued with her about how he wouldn’t let her go in that clinic. They would’ve fought like shit but he would’ve convinced her that John finding out was better than being cheated out of motherhood and idk Beth and Jamie are just so goddamn conniving (in a good way) that they would’ve saved Rip from John’s wrath.

John’s undying love for the land and his egos unquenchable thirst for false pride and accolades is definitely his downfall as a father in my mind. They definitely are all victims of one another’s traumas and John’s refusal to acknowledge he’s the creator or root/epicenter of it all. All the siblings deserve so much better and I’ll never forgive the writing for completely wiping Lee out of the story too!!!

I also think about how if this is along the storyline that the Rez is still sterilizing women then John was completely ok with Kayce forcing that torture and agony on Monica if it meant protecting the pride of his ranch. But suddenly he’s upset Jamie took Beth there, like is he blind to his own double standards? Fuck but I love johns depth too. They’re all so weirdly complex and i end up thinking damn this man has a lifetime of unfiltered and unfinished trauma too aaaaaaaaahhhhh. I want to write all the things with Beth and John and Jamie lol. They sooth the shallow waters of my weird little soul soil.

sorry I ramble so badly, I can’t tell if that’s the adhd working or if I’m really just bad at staying on track because everything reminds me of something else and then I can’t find my way back to the circles beginning! But I’ve loved your asks they’ve been such high points in my time here thank you so much for talking and sharing in this with me my dude, I hope you have an excellent day/night/afternoon/dusk and beyond lol.

#anon ask #headcanon asks #beth dutton #kayce dutton #jamie dutton #john dutton #monica dutton #yellowstonetv #yellowstone rp #yellowstone asks #yellowstone headcanons #ooc #long post #tw long post

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