#which is so ironic considering i was posting who was active and katie is the first person i saw on my dash rn

[chriscdcase95]

My Marvel/DC crossover AU No One Asked for

Read the title. Here’s the layout.

This is an AU I’ve been sitting on for about two or three years now, and often revisit to make some changes. While this isn’t something I really shelved, I am unlikely to write any of the stories down. 

I still keep a lot of what I did write in my notes. From this AU I wrote down several prompts, some of which I already shared in other posts.

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1. You'd think combining the Arrowverse and DCEU alone is gonna be a hassle, but when I wrote things down, the actual changes are pretty small.

The main events of the Arrowverse, DCEU, and MCU remain otherwise the same, there are a few small adjustments made here and there. Some suspension of disbelief is required. Birds of Prey was the hardest one to adapt.

Most changes are “Who plays what character ?”  

Of course, because this is a fanfic AU, we can just say "The Other Darin" trope is at play. Henry Cavill’s Superman ? Tyler Hoechlin’s Superman ? Same deal as Eric Norton/Mark Ruffalo’s Banner, or Terrence Howard/Don Cheadle’s Rhodes.

With that all said, this AU treats Grant Gustin's Barry Allen is treated as the “canon”. The indefinitely postponed upcoming Flash movie is disregarded entirely. We all know why.

Jon Cryer's Lex Luthor is also treated as his "canon" character, but he initially had the same traits and role as Eisenberg’s Luthor. I like to think Eisenberg!Luthor was fronting as “the eccentric young mogul” while Cryer’s represents Luthor going masks off.

Some fan casting is bigger issues. Mostly "casting" Diana Laurel Lance, between Katie Cassidy or Jurnee Smollett, for far reasons too complicated to discuss here.  

And finally, Zack Snyder’s Justice League is treated as canon.

2. “But where was X superhero during Y's events ?”

A lot of these events would have coincided with each other.

In this AU, Iron Man/2, The Incredible Hulk and Thor would have taken place between/around the first two seasons of Arrow. The present day events of Man of Steel would have coincided with The Avengers. Batman V. Superman and Suicide Squad would take place around the time of The Dark World and The Winter Soldier.

Age of Ultron would coincide with Zack Snyder's Justice League - also taking place between seasons one and two of The Flash, and before Supergirl's first season.

Up to speed, Barry ?

So, here’s some of the prompts I came up with for the AU.

1. Unlike Supergirl, Superman wasn't an active superhero when Kara came to Earth, but it was around the time Clark was wandering the world. During this time, Clark reached out to the Danvers family to help him understand his powers, much like the Arrowverse. 

As it so happens, Carol Danvers turns out to be Jeremiah's sister, which is how they help Clark understand his powers. Clark would build a bridge of trust with the Danvers' and brought Kara to them, as he wasn't in the right headspace to look after a child. As a result ? Kara grew up with Carol Danvers as an “Awesome Aunt”.

We’d also have a Superman prequel, also serving as a Captain Marvel crossover. For such as a story, I’d picture Ronan as the de-facto Big Bad, showing him falling out of favor with the Kree, before joining Thanos.

2. I wrote a post based on this AU, but I had this one idea of various WLW prompts for Diana/Wonder Woman. You can read the long version here.

It focused on what Wonder Woman was up to over the decades, especially those she romanced. The most prominent being Wondercarter, Wonderwidow and Superwondercorp.

In this version of Captain America: The First Avenger ? Wonder Woman was considered a battlefield urban legend, and a partial inspiration for the super soldier project. After the events of Agent Carter, Diana would become acquainted with Howard and Maria Stark, and ends up staying with Peggy and Angie as a temporary house guest on the Stark Estates.

How long Diana was involved with them isn't elaborated, but I see Tony having memories of an “Aunt Diana” babying him from when he was a little kid. Cuz we all know she would.

I don't see Tony reuniting Diana until well after he becomes Iron Man. Probably after Civil War or Infinity War. At the very least, Diana ends up another one of Morgan Stark's honorary aunts. Diana would totally be one of those aunts who’d tell Tony’s people embarrassing stories of him from when he was tot.

Another idea I had involved Sarah Rogers being Steve Trevor's sister, and her naming her son after her late brother. But I was pretty iffy about that. It came off as too nepotistic, and I felt Diana should have minimal, if any ties to Steve Rogers. Wonder Woman being the inspiration for the super soldier project should be enough, right ? 

3. This one's gonna get me fucking lynched...

So, it's come to my attention that The Batman 2022 was considered as a DCEU prequel early in development. At the risk of being mauled by both Battinson and Batfleck stans, I'm applying that here.

In this AU, an altered version of The Batman occurred, the main difference being it was set in the late 90′s to early 2000′s. Technology adjusted accordingly, and the Riddler’s platform is old web forums, such as IRC chat (or if set around 2003, MySpace).

Anyways, Battison would have represented Bruce Wayne in his early career as Batman when he first became a symbol of hope, while Batfleck represents his “Broken/Fallen Hero” stage. After all, you can't have a “Fall From Grace” period if you never had anything to fall from...

*prepares myself for the pitches and torchforks*

4. As I said above, the “present day” events of Man of Steel would have taken place alongside The Avengers.

Zod's attack on Metropolis occurs at the same time as the Battle in New York. Neither Zod, nor Thanos and Loki were aware of each other beforehand; it was just dumb luck their invasions occurred at the same time! Still, people initially thought Zod, Loki and the Chitauri represented the same threat. 

Any attempts by S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers to look into Superman yields the same results as this scene.

As with the DCEU, Superman was a controversial figure at first, with the Avengers having mixed thoughts about him. Unlike Batman, they didn't act on their suspicions, beyond a few cautious encounters.

Iron Man 3 would have taken place between Man of Steel and Batman V Superman. Superman tried to to look into “The Mandarin”, and teamed up with Steve and S.H.I.E.L.D to do so, but they kept running into dead ends. They were unaware of Aldrich Killian’s conspiracy until after the fact.

5. This is also something I covered in my Wonder Woman WLW prompts. 

This AU's Infinity War takes place alongside Arrowverse's Crisis on Infinite Earths. It's retroactively implied that recreating the universe is what led to this world merger.  

Certain members of the Justice League - Wonder Woman, Batman, Aquaman, and Cyborg - anyone not with the Paragons, join the fight against Thanos, though don't do enough to affect the outcome. 

Out of them, Wonder Woman is the only survivor of The Snap and she helps the surviving Avengers - especially Natasha - and what's left of S.H.I.E.L.D hold down the fort for five years.

WonderWidow ensues.

The Paragons survive the Snap because of their multiversal adventure; when they return to the recreated Earth, five years have passed. Agents of Shield is also canon to this AU, and its characters survive the Snap due to the time travel in season seven, returning to a Post-Blip world.  

The final fight with the Anti Monitor would have occurred at the same time as the one with Thanos. As with Infinity War, any members of the Justice League not fighting the Anti Monitor, join the fight against Thanos, albeit not affecting things in a significant way. The events of a Post Endgame/Crisis world remain unchanged, with minor exceptions.

But also Supercorp is canon here because I said so.

While I’m at it, let’s talk the Superwondercorp arc I wrote.

Diana settles in Star City for a short “vacation” after keeping the world together for five years. There, Diana starts a love affair with Kara and Lena. Diana has an arc about opening her heart again, so soon after losing Natasha; whenever she loses a lover, it usually takes years or decades for her to open up again. When she develops feelings for Kara and Lena so quickly, she feels like she’s “betraying” Natasha.

Diana would later get involved when Gorr the God Butcher steps into the picture, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

6.  Birds of Prey was the hardest to include in this AU due to how radical difference between takes on the characters in the DCEU and Arrowverse. 

Here's what I'm working with.

With Helena Bertenili, I lean to her DCEU counterpart as being her “canon” character. Since I place Birds of Prey in a Post-Crisis/Endgame era, we could handwave it as being her history changing when the world's restored.

With the Black Mask, I had an (admittedly contrived) solution. This AU would have two Roman Sionis' - Sr. (Peter Outerbridge) and Jr. (Ewan McGregor). 

McGregor's Sionis is written to be a decade or so younger than he is in Birds of Prey. Junior was far from Roman Sr's favorite child, alluding to his daddy issues Harley mentions. Following Roman Senior's downfall, Junior becomes obsessed with upstaging his father as the Black Mask, leading him to be the monstrous crime boss he was in Birds of Prey.

Then you got Dinah Laurel Lance, and her fan casting. I'm still flip flopping between Katie Cassidy and Jurnee Smollett, for reasons too complicated and distracting to go over here.

The solution I'm leaning to is having Smollett's Dinah being a multiverse displaced individual, and she's adjusting to this new world when her Earth was destroyed by the Anti Monitor.

7. Stark Industries and Wayne Enterprises had history. Stark Industries bought stakes in Wayne in the late 90's and early 2000's, when Bruce wasn't as active with the company, but that partnership slowly dissolved when Obediah Stane was in the picture.

When Tony went public as Iron Man, along Stane’s crimes being exposed, Bruce Wayne cut further ties with Stark. Such a relationship would bring unwanted attention to the technology Wayne Tech is developing, putting too many identities at risk. Afterwards the only ties they had was that many Wayne employees were former Stark employees. 

This becomes a problem when Quinten Beck enters the picture. 

Beck reaches out to a few disgruntled ex-Stark employees, many of which are working for Wayne. As part of the Mysterio conspiracy, they embezzle a billions from Wayne Industries, and steal its technology. As a distraction, they stage a heist on Wayne Tech, and frame the Joker for the deed.

Bruce isn't made aware of this until Mysterio goes public, quickly recognizing Beck as an former Stark employee he turned away due to him being a “flight risk”.

Come Far From Home/No Way Home, Batman is going into detective mode uncovering and dismantling the Mysterio conspiracy. This is part of what exonerates Peter, along with Matt Murdock’s own “investigations”.

During Peter’s case, Batman tries to reach out to him; but Peter knew Batman's reputation (which has become more sketchy following BVS), and became very defensive in their encounter, despite Batman avoiding his past mistakes. 

Even so, Bruce had to attend a number of legal proceedings, regarding the Wayne employees, and he'd have to go underground as the investigation got too close to exposing the identities of his associates.

As a joke, we'd have a scene where Bruce (Affleck) and Happy (Favreau) are both at a meeting with Matt (Cox) and Foggy (Henson). It really doesn't amount to anything but a throwback to 2003's Daredevil; “Hey, look! It's the old Matt and Foggy interacting with the new ones! Ain't that a hoot ?!”

While much of the Mysterio conspiracy was exposed by the trial and investigations, the only member to escape was William Ginter Riva. The last we see Riva, he's bound, gagged and being dragged through a warehouse by a couple of thugs towards the Joker, whose not amuse that Batsy hospitalized over something he didn’t do. 

The Joker then pulls out a crowbar and prepares to show Riva how he previously Batman off the deep end...

8.  As for this AU’s No Way Home. This one was a lot of fun.

Peter has a little more public support here than he did in NWH, with several members of The Avengers and Justice League publicly vouching for him. Especially after Murdock and Wayne’s investigations.

Coincidentally, Peter's identity is doxxed the day after Kara Danvers revealed her own identity to the public. When Peter is exonerated, Kara and Catco become Peter's most vocal supporters, countering Daily Bugle. Kara - as Supergirl - even interviews Peter and those close to him after his trial as a show of solidarity.

Jameson tries to interview the elderly Steve Rogers, hoping that an “old and wizened soldier” (who previously fought against Spider-Man) would appeal to his audience...only to hastily cut the interview short when Steve ultimately speaks in Peter's favor.

When Hardy’s Eddie and Venom are pulled into this world, they end up settling into Star City, working for Catco as a reporter. Mainly because, I just wanna see the dynamic Eddie and Venom would have working for and/or with Kara. Especially in a world where not only aliens are public knowledge, but are active members of society.

I wrote another post - “What if No Way Home Had More Visitors ?” - and while this AU had nothing to do with that prompt, I’d probably carry some ideas here; such as Topher Grace's Eddie/Venom being pulled into the MCU, as is Dane DeHaan's Harry Osborn, and possibly TASM's Gwen and George Stacey. Another thing changed is the villains (and Toby and Andrew's Peter) were trapped in the MCU longer than a few days. Let's say a month. Long enough for the Green Goblin to become a bigger menace than he already is. Throughout, I see the Goblin going about facing Sam, Bucky, The Defenders, what's left of Team Arrow, the Bat Family. He’s even prepping his weapons with kryptonite incase Kara or the Kents wanna throw hands.

Peter trying to cure and fix the villains also takes place over a longer period. If L-Corp had a branch on the East Coast, I can see Lena starting a partnership with Stark Industries following Tony's death. 

When word reaches Kara (one of Peter's most vocal public supporters) and Lena, they let Peter set up shop in their labs. Eddie and Venom would actually be part of the story, working for/with Kara. The fact that Lena is a practicing witch could be used to play her up against Steven.

I don't see the Avengers or Justice League helping with the Statue of Liberty fight, if only because (much like Peacemaker) by the time they arrive, Peter’s already beating down the Goblin. Hardy's Eddie/Venom, may have helped...preferably if Grace's Eddie/Venom was part of the Goblin’s squad.

9. Now you may be wondering how this AU affect the multiverse ? I had a few ideas. 

I had this one joke in mind were Toby and Andrew's Peter(s) remark Batman and Superman existing in their worlds too; it being implied that either Burton's Batman would be in the Raimiverse, or The Dark Knight Trilogy being in the Webbverse, etc.

Part of this joke is Toby's Peter doing some investigating in the MCU, and comes across Nelson and Murdock Law Office. It'd be implied that Daredevil 2003 is part of the Raimiverse. Seeing them at their offices, he briefly mistakes Happy (Favreau) and Bruce Wayne (Affleck) for Foggy and Matt, before being corrected. In another joke, Toby’s Peter would see a mugshot of Adrian Toomes, once momentarily mistaking it for his worlds Bruce Wayne before correcting himself.

10. My latest prompt for this AU involves Wonder Woman in Thor: Love and Thunder. And before you ask, I wouldn’t Diana and Thor aren’t rebounding off eachother here. Any relationship they’d have wouldn’t go past platonic.

Considered Diana having some involvement with The Eternals, but I couldn’t think of a way to write her in. With Love And Thunder at least, Diana has something to do, even if she doesn’t drastically change the story.

After spending some time in Star City, Diana goes on tourist travels, paying New Asgard a visit. It just so happens to be when Gorr abducts the Asgardian children. As Wonder Woman, she joins the fight with the Shadow Demons, before joining Valkyrie, Thor, Jane and Korg on the rescue mission. 

Besides rescuing the children, two things catch Diana’s attention. 1. The existence of the Necrosword, especially since as far as she knew, she was the “God-Killing Weapon”. And 2. The fact that Omnipotence City exists and her father, Zeus, is alive.

Zeus has a slightly bigger purpose, and the “don’t meet your hero” thing strikes harder for Diana. It goes without saying that the heroic stories of Zeus that Diana (and Thor) grew up had a few embellishments. But this Zeus is a little more nuanced than being a “Fake Ultimate Hero”. 

The heroic Zeus stories were broadly true, it’s just this Zeus is a foil to Thor and his arc. Zeus is what Thor could have become if he didn’t humble himself. And after driving off Darkseid, as well as Ares' fall from grace, Zeus is also what Thor would have become if he kept up his maladaptive coping habits post Infinity War.

Another change is that Thor and co wouldn’t leave thinking Zeus was dead; before they escape, Diana tells an injured Zeus off. Zeus tries to appeal to Diana as her father (and offers her her picks of men and women in the gods orgy). Diana rebuffs Zeus, declaring “I am going with them. I am gonna be what the Amazons were made to be. What you made me to be.” 

Diana leaves Zeus in his humiliation....only to become another target of his revenge.

Beyond that, I see Diana being “heart” of the team. With her history of love and loss, she would understand what Thor, Jane, Valkyrie are going through and have gone through. She even tries to appeal to Gorr when she learns how his god failed him. Even so, I don’t think it would affect the outcome that much.

Beyond the Zeus plot, Diana would ultimately be another voice to say what they need to hear, and the ear to listen to their problems. I did consider a Diana x Valkyrie subplot, but even that doesn’t drastically affect anything.

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As of this post, the AU is currently on hold.

I’m still mulling over new ideas, but besides Black Adam I have nothing new from DC to work with, or to include in Wakanda Forever. Especially between seasons of The Flash and Superman & Lois. And especially with James Gunn apparently rebooting the DCEU.

So pending new releases, that’s all for now.

#marvel dc crossover #mcu #dceu #batman v supeman: dawn of justice #arrowverse #avengers endgame #spiderman far from home #mcu daredevil #man of steel #the batman 2022 #zack snyder’s justice league #tony stark #bruce wayne #kara danvers #clark kent #peter parker #lena luthor #michelle jones #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #diana prince #wonderwidow #supercorp #spideychelle #superwondercorp #battison #batfleck

[jasperwhitcock]

hello, ive noticed that my feed has been super dry lately even though I follow lots of people and i think it’s because a lot of fans have left tumblr :( and i follow people from different timezones so when I’m asleep my feed is full but when I’m awake it’s just *crickets* so can you please recommend me active twilight blogs, preferably who go by PST, please? im on tumblr 24/7 cause i need distractions lol also throwback to pre-midnight sun release when twilight tumblr was hella active and there was so much content :( i miss that

only the strong remain 💔 alright here is my twilight blog starter kit follow list. some of my fave blogs, the blogs i see most often on my dash, my bffs even if they’re on hiatus, etc. i’ll try to note their time zones if i’m sure of them bc if i’m wrong that’d be so embarrassing fhjshfjsf if u want to dm or reply w ur time zone i’ll update this post!

PST/MST: @paulxlahotee (wolfpack content, a cutie, will make u earrings that make u feel like a bad bitch) @the-golden-onion (a literal angel from heaven above i truly adore mads w my entire heart she got u on mike newton & mr. molina content) @cullen-collective (esme if smeyer wrote her to have a sense of humor and witty tongue. will take u under her wing and sing to u) @phil-dwyer-stan-account (hiatus but pls ask her astrology questions she will explain to u why u are the way that u are), @lemonadebottlecap (idek remember what it was but one of her tags made me LAUGH so much the other day), @edytheelizabethcullen (alex is the sweetest, u must follow),

CST: @howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen (JACOB/WOLFPACK CONTENT, truly EVERYBODY’S friend, the sweetest person, pls send her pics of cute dogs)

EST: @kaquiche (funny, friendly, twilight video editing QUEEN, will be ur bff in 2 seconds), @bellaskhakis (cursed content, a demon, my greatest enemy, ok i’m kidding she will be so sweet to u but once u get close she will roast tf out of u we are like sisters), @teamjacobthot (wolfpack content, dij is probably the coolest person u will meet on this site), @bellasredchevy (kae is the god of the renaissance idk what else to say besides that bc this is a proven fact i adore her & her witty humor), @inthemiddleofmymidnight (that’s my best friend she’s a real bad bitch i love kim not a single post fucking misses), @swanresidence (CUTIE, she got JOKES she been making me laugh so much in my dms), @leahclearwaterdefensesquad (LEAH CONTENT/wolfpack content, kate has my heart), @volturialice i will forever be in love w g she is the mother i never had, she is the sister everybody would want she is the friend that everybody deserves i don’t know a better person, alice/fanfic content), @bellas-dumptruck-ass (i will never not giggle at this url but elaine is sososo funny but also so smart, always making POINTS), @renegadepack (wolfpack content, aaron is a tru must follow)

GMT: i think they’re GMT if i’m wrong i am deleting this whole post and my own blog in embarrassment: @carllisle @notquitetwilight / @stillnotquitetwilight (literally the chaos twins that people headcanon emmett & bella to be, they are putting out the best & also maybe the most cursed content rn), @carlislesscarf (they keep my dash alive), @witchyangela / @incorrectwolfpack (a tru angel, wolfpack/angela content)

IDK THE TIME ZONE: @stregoni-benefici (also responsible for keeping my dash alive, a cutie w lots of esme/carlisle content), @iknowyouloveme-thanks (literally the funniest memes), @su-angelvicioso (if u want maria content look no further), @rosaalee alex & bri are a package deal so u must follow bri too, moodboard content), @ohyoudosmellgood (omg i just realized i think i need to dm u back we have literally been having the same conversation for like three months we suck, an angel, carlesme content), @influenzabella (if ur looking for active, i always see influenzabella on my dash!!!) as well as @rose-lily-hale (CST) @redeyedsaint @twilightofficial @khakiskirtslut @edwardssnail (EST) they give me something to look at daily i adore u all thank u for ur service, twilight veterans that were here before my time and ain’t going nowhere post midnight sun craze, post the end of the world: @panlight @edwardsvirginity

#follow #ask #anon #trying to type w these nails is a tru struggle so forgive me #i accidentally deleted edwardssnail when i moved the urls around to their time zones #which is so ironic considering i was posting who was active and katie is the first person i saw on my dash rn #editing this post as people tell me their time zones hehe

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Rebirth

Chapter 5: Rescue And Requisition

Summary: Steve heads to the HYDRA base on a rescue mission…and little does he know Katie has a mission of her own.

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N:  Once again, huge thanks to my beta readers and plugger of mind gaps where I was blocked @icanfeelastormbrewing​ and to @southerngracela​ from before she headed off on her little break. Any mistakes are my own. I’ll probably spot them once posted but, whatever!

For anyone who is interested, Katie uses the term Midnight Requisition which is a military term- “To steal, scrounge. To acquire supplies for a unit from another without their approval or knowledge, usually after business hours/dark.” For this one I have to thank a total douchebag I work with who I affectionately refer to ass Captain Asshat. Because he is a Captain, and an asshat. When I moved onto base a few years back he gave me a glossary of well used Military slangwords. But he’s still a total dick…

SSR Masterlist //  WIYPT Masterlist 

Howard had taken little convincing to agree to their request, Steve got the impression he was as fed up with the SSR’s stalling as Katie was. As soon as he had seen Steve, the Inventor’s face had split into a huge grin and he’d shaken his hand with vigour. Katie had then explained that they needed his help to go rogue and bust the men out from behind enemy lines, causing her brother’s face to split into a huge grin and nod. The three agents quickly bustled around Howard’s tent, Peggy and Katie talking in low, hushed voices as they hurriedly grabbed various pieces of equipment before quietly and efficiently leaving the base, Howard slipping the guards on the perimeter gate a decent wad of cash for their silence.

It took them a little over an hour and was just starting to go dark when they reached the private airfield where Howard had stationed his plane. The waning light suited them, as Katie pointed out, it would be easier for them to operate under the cover of darkness, less chance of being detected. More money exchanged hands, something Steve had always hated, the fact that money seemed to be able to buy you anything you needed no matter how morally corrupt, but at that moment he couldn’t have given less of a damned if he tried. Before long they were in the air, Howard informing them that the trip of just over a hundred and fifty miles would take them roughly an hour and a half, which was far less than the four hours or so he anticipated it would have taken Steve in the jeep.

“You’d have run out of gas after about fifty clicks.” He had teased the soldier who had inwardly groaned as Howard pointed out the flaws in his plan. But then again Steve hadn’t been thinking all that much had he? He never did when it came to the people he cared about. He was a jump first, think later kind of guy, and the serum hadn’t done anything to change that part of his personality. Dubbing him the star spangled man with a plan felt a little ironic all things considered when you thought about it, especially after his last performance.  All that considered, he was even more grateful that Katie and Peggy had appeared when they had. Another happy coincidence…

“So we’re here…” Peggy spoke, leaning forward slightly in her seat opposite Steve, pointing to the map in her hands as he checked the straps on his chute. “The HYDRA camp is in Kreischberg, tucked between these two mountain ranges.” She moved her finger a little right and from the distance it travelled and the scale on the map, Steve estimated they were no more than five miles out.

“Looks like a factory of some kind.” Katie mused, glancing at the map where she sat next to Peggy, flicking her braid back over her shoulder.

“We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep.��� Howard called from the front of the aircraft, which was now shaking slightly with a mild bout of turbulence.

“Just get me as close as you can.” Steve called, before he looked back at Katie and Peggy, his voice dropping slightly. “You know you three are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab.”

“What else is new?” Katie shrugged, and Steve heard Howard chuckle.

“I’m surprised Old Chester ain’t sent you packing yet, Kiddo.”

“Well like you’re his best mechanical engineer, I’m his best front line agent.” She shrugged, “No offence, Peg.”

“None taken.” Peggy said somewhat sardonically, before she snorted “We all know I’m the brains behind this operation.”

“Don’t hear me arguing.” Katie shrugged before she looked at Steve “And you’re gonna be in just as much trouble.”

“Well, where I’m goin’, if anybody yells at me I can just shoot ‘em.” Steve replied, grinning a little. His spirits had been lifted exponentially now he was actually about to do something worthwhile, despite the fact he knew he was going to literally leap feet first into danger.

“They will undoubtedly shoot back.” Peggy fixed him with a look.

“Well…” Steve looked round at his stage prop shield that he had brought with him, which was leaning against the wall of the aircraft “let’s hope it’s good for somethin’.” His knuckles rapped on the metal as Katie gave a little shake of her head and a side smirk, bending over to check the laces on her boots.

“Agent Carter, if we’re not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue.” Howard called over his shoulder from the front of the plane and there was a moment’s silence as Peggy shifted a little awkwardly on the seat.

“Jesus, Howie, really? You’re doing this now?” Katie groaned as her brother chuckled.

“Hey, you asked me to come on this kamikaze mission.” He shot back. “I was just trying to lighten the mood a little.”

As the two siblings began to bicker Steve glanced at Peggy as he tugged on his gloves and the Agent rolled her eyes slightly. “Stark is the best civilian pilot I’ve ever seen. He’s mad enough to brave this airspace, we’re lucky to have him.”

“So are you two…do you…” Steve waved his arm between Peggy and Howard “…fondue?”

Peggy looked at him, completely ignoring his question and Steve supposed he couldn’t blame her, it was a personal question after all.  His eyes then flicked to Katie who had stood up and was making her way towards the cockpit, swaying a little with the motion of the aircraft. With a swift flick of her hand she slapped Howard round the back of the head.

“Ouch, Kiddo! Do you want me to crash this thing or what?”

“Stop being a schmuck.” She shot at him before Peggy extended her arm towards Steve, a device held in her hand.

“This is your transponder. Activate it when you’re ready and the signal will lead us straight to you.”

Steve took it from her. “Are you sure this thing works?” he looked at it a little sceptically, turning it over in his hand, his attention flicking to the cockpit.

“It’s been tested more than you, pal.” Howard shot over his shoulder and Steve looked at him before his eyes flicked to Kate who was looking out of the cockpit window straight ahead of them. She raised her arm and pointed at something, her eyes narrowing in concentration.

“Howie…” she began to speak but before she could finish her sentence the plane lurched violently sideways and Steve gripped onto the side as the sky was suddenly filled with flashes and bangs from anti-aircraft shells which exploded all around them. Realising that it was now far too dangerous for them to take him any further, Steve shot to his feet and made his way to the door, grabbing his shield as he went.

“Get back here! We’re taking you all the way in!” Peggy’s voice rose but for the first time since he’d known her, Steve completely ignored the agent, exhaling loudly before he dropped and shuffled to the edge of the plan.

“As soon as I’m free, you turn this thing around and get the hell outta here!” he turned and looked up at Katie and Peggy.

“You can’t give us orders!” Katie scoffed, her hands on her hips.

“The hell I can’t!” Steve looked up at her, unable to stop the cheeky little smirk playing on his face “I’m a Captain!” and with that he pulled his goggles down and flung himself out into the starry sky. The noise was deafening as he plummeted through the air, the sheer force of falling whipped his body with such ferocity he was sure his hair was going to fly clean off his head. With a sharp tug of the rip cord he deployed his chute and with a sharp jolt he was pulled upwards slightly before he began to fall at a much more civilized pace.

After what seemed like an age, Steve’s sharp eyes spotted the ground rising towards him and he landed heavily in a thud. With an easy, fluid motion he yanked his parachute down to the ground and then untangled himself from the harness. Once he was free he glanced around and realised he’d landed on the outskirts of a thick, wooded area, the earthy smells of pine, dirt and damp filled his nostrils. He took a moment to get his bearings, pulling out the compass he had in his pants. He knew that from the direction the aircraft had been travelling in he needed to head due north. As the needle settled on the point, he realised he was currently facing East so he spun to his left and was just about to set off at a run when he heard something flying in heavily from above.

He spun round, just in time to see another chute sailing towards him and in a flash he whipped out his pistol as whoever it was landed with a thud some hundred yards or so behind him..

“At ease, Soldier…” a familiar voice, soft and quiet in the cover of night, spoke and Steve felt a cold feeling of utter shock and horror fill his chest.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He hissed as he strode towards Katie who was now untangling herself from her harness.

“Same thing as you.” She replied flippantly as she took a look around and began to take a few steps away from him.

“Are you insane?” He glared at her, his hand wrapping around her arm to stop her. He could have sworn she felt the tremble in his finger tips of it weren't evident in his voice.

“Not last time I checked, no.” She wrenched free of his uncharacteristically brash grip and spun to face him, her eyes blazing at him in the dim moonlight.

“You could get yourself killed!” He pressed, his voice carrying a little more than he'd liked. He failed to keep the element of concern out of it.

“Keep your voice down!”

“Damned it Katie, this wasn’t part of the plan!”

“No, it wasn’t part of YOUR plan.” She shot back. “It was, however, always part of mine and Peg’s.”

“Peggy knows about this?”

“Of course she does.”

“And Howard?”

“No way,” Katie snorted. “I'd guess Peggy is currently getting the full force of one of his verbal bashings.” At that she pulled out her compass “We need to go North.”

“I know.” Steve said a little sullenly, a growl in his chest.

“So let’s move. Sooner we can fulfil our missions, the better.”

The plural of the word didn’t pass him by and through the downright anger and frustration, and dare he say it, fear he was feeling at the current situation, his logical side started to kick in and he knew there was nothing he could do about any of this now, bar keep her safe. So with a sigh, he shook his head and turned to follow her as she’d begun to walk away, his brain registering her last words.

“Missions?” he asked, stressing the word “We have more than one?”

“One each.” Katie shot over her shoulder. “You’re on a rescue mission. Mine’s more of a midnight requisition.”

“Midnight requisition? For what?”

“Intel, tech, anything we can get our hands on.” She picked up her pace, scrambling up a slight incline. “I told you in the plane, I’m a damned good field agent and this isn’t my first raid. We’ve done a few over the past couple of months. But they’ve all been bust, well almost all anyway.”

“Bust?” Steve frowned “How?”

“They were smaller Nazi controlled labs.” She continued to speak as she weaved through the forest “The more we raided and the more intel we gathered, the more it became apparent that Schmidt was marching to his own tune.” She paused and looked around. “The fight at Azzano wasn’t his first move, he advanced a load of troops into Norway a month or so ago of his own accord. Then, at Azzano, he opened fire on both Allied and Nazi troops alike.  My guess is, and Peggy agrees, that this base will likely be under his control alone. And probably house more information about where his other ones are hidden.”

“Others, you mean…”

“Yes, others. This won’t be the only one.” Katie shrugged as she looked at her compass and turned right “And without that information, Steve, we’re fighting blind. We can’t defeat HYDRA if we don’t know where they are.”

“You should have told me.” He replied, his tone still a little sullen. He didn’t like being in the dark.

“What, so you could blow the plan in front of my brother?” She scoffed “He’d have refused to take us had he known what I was planning, he was bad enough when I had a full troop behind me.”

“You led a troop?”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” She chuckled “You know I’m actually an ‘honorary’ Lieutenant, thanks to Colonel Phillips. Didn’t go down well at first, most of the men weren’t keen on taking orders from a woman.”

“So that’s what you meant when you called them all jerks earlier by the stage.” Despite himself Steve felt a smile curl across his face.

“Yup. They soon fell in line when a few of them ended up with my fist in their mouth. Not to mention a good number also found themselves on the end of a Phillips’ Special.”

“A Phillips Special?”

“Yeah, the term coined for when they’re stripped naked and made to run 10 miles round camp by the Colonel.” she shrugged “For all his bluster, Chester’s actually been really supportive of both me and Peggy. That, and he doesn’t like subordination in any form.”

“You don’t say.” Steve muttered as Katie continued, her foot-falls light and quiet as she weaved her way through the thicket of the trees.

They continued for about an hour, alternating their pace between a jog and a fast walk. Had Steve been on his own he no doubt could have run the entire distance a lot faster but he didn’t raise that issue, and there was no point being frustrated about it either. Firstly, there was nothing he could do about it, secondly, to be fair, Katie kept up a decent enough pace and thirdly, had he been running as fast as he could have he would no doubt have run straight into one of the various HYRDRA patrols they encountered within the woods. As it happened, the pace they were going at was perfect for his sharp senses to alert him whenever a passing patrol was near, enabling them to duck out of sight.

Eventually, the trees began to thin out and through the gloomy mist that had descended, which he had to admit was incredibly useful to keep their presence as covert as possible, Steve saw the perimeter fence and gate to the camp. He stopped dead, his arm out causing Katie to also pause and as he studied the gate, trying to figure out the best way in, he heard the rumble of trucks coming from his side. He spun just in time to see them approaching down the road which led through the wooded area and he crouched down, pulling Katie down with him.  

“Reckon you can make the last one?” He asked, turning to face her.

“Yeah.” She nodded “They’re not going too fast.”

Steve took another look around before he nodded and the two of them ran for the last truck, Katie springing up first and he heard her give a little sigh as he pulled himself up over the tail gate. “Crap.”

The reason or her curse soon became apparent as Steve landed in the back of the truck and came face to face with two HYDRA guards.

"Fellas." He nodded. There was a split second and they both lunged at him at the same time. He pushed Katie a little harshly to the right as he hit one with straight punch to the face, the other dropping with a groan as Katie had connected a well-aimed boot to his stomach. As both guards tried to scramble to their feet, Steve grabbed both their heads, smashing them together like a pair of cymbals before he tossed them straight out of the back.

“Impressive.” Katie looked at him, smirking and Steve rolled his eyes as she turned and looked carefully through a small tear in the side of the canvas of the truck. “They’re taking us straight in…”

“And then what?”

“I dunno, you tell me, you’re the Star Spangled Man with a Plan after all.”

“Oh for the love of…this isn’t some kind of fucking day outing!” He practically exploded and Katie groaned.

“Lighten up Steve.” She turned away, looking back through the hole in the side of the truck. “It was a joke.”

“Well I see nothing funny about any of this, at all.”

“And you think I do?” she turned, her eyes once more full of an angry fire “Let me tell you, Captain, my unit has seen things these last four months that no one should ever have to see. And you know how we dealt with it? By NOT dealing with it.” She brushed a piece of hair off her face “We joked, made light of the situations we found ourselves in because they were downright fear inducing, and if we didn’t none of us would have lasted five minutes. So take the stick out of your ass and get a fucking grip of yourself.”

Steve blinked, but before he could respond to her angry outburst the truck slowed and then began to reverse. Eventually it came to a stop and Steve could hear someone at the tail of the truck so he gestured for Katie to get behind him, which she did. He simply raised his shield in front of his body and waited. The flap to the back of the truck opened and without hesitation Steve smashed the shield straight into the guard’s face, sending him flying backwards. Quickly and quietly, shield on his arm, he jumped out of the truck, turning to help Katie down and the pair of them turned left, jumping off the raised loading platforms and jogging, all the time keeping their bodies stooped and low.

There were lines and lines of tanks emblazoned with the HYDRA symbol and the two of them shared a glance at one another. It was clear to Steve that Katie and Peggy were right, Schmidt had been gearing HYDRA up to be far more than a science division for some time if this equipment was anything to go by. Together, they weaved their way through the lines of armoured vehicles, taking care to keep to the shadows and out of sight as they made their way towards a smaller outbuilding that looked like it led into the main base.

“Come on…” Steve gently nudged Katie and the pair of them across the ground, and Steve hopped up onto a tank that was conveniently parked by the annex, offering his hand to Katie to pull her up. They both scrambled onto the flat roof and ran, hopping up onto a slightly higher roof before they reached a set of metal steps which led up the side of the huge base. Katie went first, scrambling as fast as she could up them where she paused on a platform approximately halfway up. She nodded to a thick, iron door which led inside the building and Steve moved to try it, shaking his head.

“It’s locked.”

“Yeah, and you have the strength of like thirty men or whatever.” She rolled her eyes “Open it.”

He looked at her, narrowing his eyes at the fact she was bossing him around but he didn’t argue. He moved towards the door, shaking his head “This isn’t gonna-“ he gave a sharp tug and with a squeal the door pulled straight off the hinges “-work.” He finished lamely, looking from the door to Katie who stood there, arms folded, smirking.

“If only you had as much faith in you as I have.” She said a little sardonically and once more he glared at her. Pulling out her pistol Katie made to go in the door and Steve put his arm out.

“No, I’ll go first.” He stopped her.

“That’s not gonna work because you need to prop the door back up, so when that guard patrol comes back it doesn’t look like someone broke in. Amateurs!” She shook her head. Steve let out an exasperated sigh, more frustrated that she’d pointed out yet another potential issue he hadn’t considered in his haste and she smiled at him, “This is what I’m trained in, stealth.” She shrugged

She stepped inside, keeping herself flattened to the wall as Steve followed, leaning the door back up before he paused as they both looked around, finding themselves in a corridor of sorts.

“Any ideas on which way?” He asked and Katie pondered for a moment.

“Well, the front of the camp is left.” She frowned and Steve nodded his agreement.

“So we go right,” he stated, “In deeper.”

“Okay.”

“Keep behind me, stay in the shadows.” He couldn’t help himself but instruct her, but to her credit she didn’t argue, merely gave him a little salute as the two of them set off through the factory.

A short while later they reached another door, only this one was guarded, they could see through the etched glass window embedded within it. Steve signalled to Katie to keep back before he knocked. The guard turned and came towards them, and as soon as the door opened Steve punched him hard in the face before smashing his head between the door and the wall. As the guard went down he caught him, pulling him silently out before the two of them headed inside, taking care to shut the door behind them. They appeared to be in the main munitions storage area of the factory, now and it was busy. Guards swarming all over, people driving pickups laden with crates, and each soldier seemed to be carrying guns powered by some form of liquid that was glowing a bright, cobalt blue.  

They dodged between aisles, using whatever they could to keep out of sight and as they snuck between a collection of huge metal containers of some kind, they both paused as they spotted what appeared to be racks of small, rectangular shaped metal items all containing the mysterious blue liquid. It was eerie, like nothing Steve had ever seen before and he gently moved to a closer look, picking one up.

“What the hell is that?” Katie whispered as he turned it over in his hand.

“I have absolutely no idea.” He shrugged “Except, to state the obvious, it looks like some kind of grenade. But, I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“We should take them back to the lab.” She stated and Steve nodded his agreement, sticking the item into the pocket of his fatigues before they set off to continue their search heading even deeper into the base.

After another fifteen minutes or so of dodging as many HYDRA agents as they could, and subduing the ones they couldn’t, they reached a large room deep in the belly of the base and Steve took a deep breath as he looked around the room at the large metal cages that contained easily over a hundred soldiers, if not two. He felt Katie still besides him as she also glanced around, her eyes flashing as she scanned the room, her attention instantly shooting upwards as they saw a warden who walked above the cages on some kind of gangway, in which the large, circular tops of the cages were embedded. Steve also spotted another guard weaving his way amongst the large cells on the floor and took a deep breath.

“Right,” he turned to Katie. “I’ll take the one up top first, then I’ll drop down and-“

Katie took an exasperated breath, “Don’t you trust me or something?” She hissed.

“Of course I do, but-“

“Then you go up high, I’ll take the one down below. I can do this, I’m not some fairy-tale princess that needs protecting. And whilst I appreciate your chivalry, as well you know, now is not the time, Soldier.”

Steve inhaled deeply and looked at her, her green eyes bored into his and he gave her a sharp nod deciding to go along with her, despite every part of his brain screaming at him not to.  Without looking back, he ran around the side of the large room and found a set of metal steps which led up the side. He took them two at a time and then continued along the raised platform that ran round the side of the room, crouching as he went to keep out of the dim light that the small, barred windows let in. He spotted the guard coming his way and ducked even more, waiting, and once the man was within reach he grabbed his shield from his back and swung it with a huge arm straight at his face. The guard topped backwards and landed heavily on top of one of the cages out cold.

As Steve moved and began to search the guard for his keys, all the prisoners stood up, their eyes wide with shock and surprise.

“And who the hell are you supposed to be?" One of them spoke as the rest continued to simply stare at him in stunned silence and he didn’t miss the way a few of them eyed him up and down, taking in his helmet and shield painted in the stars and stripes of the American Flag.

“I’m…” Steve answered a little breathlessly as he hesitated for a moment as he began to look around for Katie, but he found no sign of her “Captain America." He finished a little lamely, glancing back down.

"I beg your pardon?" Another man spoke, this one in a British accent as Steve grabbed the keys from the guard’s belt and ran back the way he had come. As heard he ran across the floor to the first cage he heard the hisses and rumbles of excited murmurs he glanced up to see Katie jogging towards him.

"Merde," one of the prisoners uttered as all heads turned in her direction.

“Language!” Katie turned her eyes to the soldier who had spoken, giving a slight smirk which the man returned as Steve unlocked the cage he was in.

“You okay?” He asked Katie as they moved to the next cage and she nodded.

“Yeah, took him down with a choke hold then kicked him in the face for good measure” she shrugged as they moved down to the next cage, then the next.

“Well, well, well, Lady Lieutenant…” a tall, wide man spoke and Steve saw Katie’s head snap in his direction, her smirk turning into a huge smile. “What took you so long?”

“Got here as fast as I could. I'll be outta here just as fast when Phillips finds out where I am.” Katie grinned, before she shook her head sighed, her voice cracking. “Damned it Dum Dum…we thought you were all dead!”

“Take more than that to get rid of us”

Systematically they moved through the room, unlocking each cage as they went until they reached the last one, all the time Steve scanning the faces of the prisoners all as they all emerged, shaking hands and hugging one another. But the face he had been hoping to see wasn’t amongst any of them.

"Are there any others?" Steve whispered, pushing his way between the man he knew only as Dum Dum and an Asian man who was holding his dog tags up, looking slightly affronted.  “I'm looking for a Sergeant James Barnes." He asked, turning to the British soldier who began walking alongside him and Katie.

"There's an isolation ward in the factory, but no one has ever come back from it." The British Man spoke.

“Alright…” Steve spoke, considering his options as he continued walking towards the door through which they had entered. "The tree line's northwest, about eighty yards past the gate. Agent Stark knows where it is.” He stopped and turned, nodding towards Katie, his eyes returning back to the group of men “You follow and take your instructions from her, you got it?”

The British man and a few others began to nod, the excitement and anticipation of a fight was easily sensed and Katie stepped forward, shaking her head.

“Steve…” she began to protest but this was one order he was not going to let her ignore.

“You said your mission was requisition.” His eyes locked on hers “So use these guys and do it. Get out fast and give ‘em hell. I'll meet you in the clearing with anybody I find inside."

For a moment he thought she was going to argue but she didn’t. Instead, she took a deep breath and nodded, her eyes still locked onto his. In that split second, Steve hesitated. There was so much he wanted to say, but, he couldn’t find the words to express what he was feeling. He wanted to tell her to stay safe, to keep herself out of danger, make sure she got out alive…but instead he looked at her, swallowing and she gave him a soft smile.

“I know.” She said gently “You too.”

Steve gave her another curt nod, his chest tightening a little as he turned to go.

"Wait, you know what you're doing?" A soldier shouted after him, and Steve looked back over his shoulder about to answer before he heard Katie quip.

“He’s knocked out Adolf Hitler over two hundred times."

The prisoners furrowed their brows, before glancing around at each other with confused expressions on their faces and despite himself Steve gave a little chuckle, looking at Katie’s grinning face once more before he turned around and jogged out of the door, her voice ringing in his ears as she issued instructions to the troops.

“You heard the Captain. Now the base is heavily armed so we’re absolutely going to have to fight our way out. On the way, we grab as much tech and weapons as we can. Not only to use but also for further analysis by my unit….”

Her voice died down as Steve picked up a jog, shield on his back and headed off back the way they had come.  It wasn’t long before a loud siren rang out and Steve took a deep breath, trying to push his worry away as shouts and loud explosions rang out, signalling the fight had begun. He continued making his way into the factory, fighting his way through a number of guards easily as gunfire sounded all around him, the angry yells and screams of fighting filled his ears as the freed prisoners began to engage with the HYDRA soldiers.

He fought his way up onto the gangway that circled the main factory floor, dispatching another guard with a swift, hard boot to the abdomen that sent him flying over the railing and he took a look around, the sheer size of the factory floor taking him off guard for a moment before he remembered what he was here to do. Pulling out his pistol he turned right, jogging round the gangway until he hit a dimly lit corridor. He continued round and as he quickly made his way through in search of the isolation ward he saw a short man in thick glasses, carrying a briefcase and a number of files in his arms emerge from a room. He stopped dead, looked at Steve and then turned and sprinted away from him, heading round the corner. Steve began to run after him, but as he passed the room the man had emerged from he slowed as he heard what sounded like someone talking, mumbling even.

Taking a deep breath, he entered the room, following the sound as it became clearer and then his heart stopped and he grew hot, his breathing deep as he knew that voice. It was weak but still so familiar, even if it had been months since he had heard it.

"Sergeant. 32557…"

He hurried through another door, glancing towards the end of the room and saw the man he’d come to this very place for strapped to a reclined chair.

"Bucky?" Steve shot over, pausing at the side of the chair and looking down at his best friend. Bucky’s eyes didn’t move, instead he kept chanting his rank and number as he stared blankly up at the ceiling. "Oh my god." Steve swallowed was his eyes travelled over Bucky’s body, taking in the restraints that kept him strapped to the chair. He looked tired, weak, sick even, and it hurt Steve to see him in such a state. Bucky had always been the strong one out of the pair of them, normally looking after him. But, well, now it was time to return the favour.  He swallowed and began ripping the straps around him with ease.

"Is that…?"

"It's me. It’s Steve.”

"Steve?" Bucky murmured, his face breaking into a smile as recognition flooded his features.

"Come on." Steve helped Bucky to his feet, holding onto his arms as he steadied himself before he gently reached out and patted the side of his friends face.

"I thought you were dead," Steve sighed as Bucky frowned, his eyes fixed on where Steve’s face would normally have been, and when he instead found himself looking at Steve’s chest, he raised his eyes up wards, puzzlement etched across his face.

"I thought you were smaller.” Bucky swallowed and Steve kept hold of him, helping him to stand upright as he became more coherent. Whilst Bucky was gaining his senses, Steve took a quick glance around and his eyes focussed on a map pinned to the wall, various positions highlighted upon it across Europe. Committing it to memory he then slung Bucky's arm over his shoulder, for the first time ever bearing his friend’s weight.

"Come on," he urged as he began to lead him out of the lab.

"What happened to you?" Bucky asked as Steve pretty much hauled him out of the room, keeping him upright as he stumbled, his feet struggling for traction.

"I joined the Army." Steve replied simply.

As they made their way back down the corridor, Steve felt Bucky becoming able to bear some of his own weight, and then gently nudge at Steve to let him go so he did. Bucky followed behind a pace or two his arm clutched over his ribs.

"Did it hurt?" he asked.

"A little," Steve replied, his head still looking around.

"Is it permanent?"

"So far."  Steve nodded as they continued.

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion which rocked the factory and the two men paused for a second before they picked up the pace. Eventually they emerged onto the gangway Steve had walked round before and immediately recoiled back as another explosion sent a huge ball of fire up into the air. Steve held his shield up to protect his face as Bucky ducked slightly, his hand gripping one of the railings, other one shielding his face.  Turning away from the railings, Steve started to head up a set of stairs immediately behind him, Bucky following. The heat was stifling and it made Steve feel like he was stuck in a furnace as they quickly sprinted up the metal steps and emerged onto another gangway. Taking a right, they began to sprint down it, explosions and flames roaring below them. Steve’s brow beaded with sweat and he wiped it with the back of his hand, taking another look down.  He had no idea whether the fire had been started by the men led by Katie or some self-destruction ploy by HYDRA to prevent any of their plans or weapons getting into their hands, either way he found it hard to care. One less base to deal with he supposed.

“Captain America!”

Steve stopped dead, turning to his left to see two men on the other side of the factory by an elevator door. One was the shorter bespectacled man Steve had seen before, and the other he recognised also, but only from photos. Johann Schmidt, HYDRA leader. He was dressed in a long black trench-coat of sorts, a large silver buckle bearing the HYDRA symbol spanned his waist and he turned towards Steve as he handed the other man a silver briefcase.

“How exciting! I'm a great fan of your films.” Schmidt’s thick German accent carried across the factory as he began to walk over the gangway towards Steve. Steve took a deep breath, his jaw setting as he strode towards the man, the anger surging through his body.  “So, Dr. Erskine managed it after all. Not exactly an improvement, but still impressive."

At that Steve swung his right arm back and bridged the two or so feet in between him and Schmidt with a punch straight to the man’s face, the impact forcing the HYDRA leader back a few steps.

"You've got no idea," Steve snarled.

Schmidt merely smirked, before standing up, cracking his jaw slightly and Steve frowned at the way the right hand side of his face appeared to have sagged away from his eye socket.  "Haven't I?"

Quickly, the man’s fist flew towards Steve, but equally as quickly he raised his shield to block it. The metal vibrated in his hands and to his utter shock the item dented with the force of Schmidt’s blow. It was then that Steve recalled Erskine telling him how the man had taken the serum, and that it had enhanced him too. In a flash he reached for his pistol but Schmidt was too quick and laded a punch straight to the left hand side of Steve’s jaw. He was knocked completely off his feet, falling backwards onto the metal of the gangway, the pistol he had been holding slid straight out of his hand and over the edge. Schmidt advanced towards Steve but he threw all his weight into a huge double kick, which sent the man sprawling backwards.

As Steve got to his feet, the gangway he was on suddenly began to move backwards, separating him from Schmidt who stood up, the two men not moving a muscle as the metal walkway drew them both back to their respective sides.

"No matter what lies Erskine told you, you see I was his greatest success!" Schmidt yelled as Steve stood still, his chest heaving, as Schmidt man reached up for his face, reaching for the skin at the left hand side of his jaw. As Steve watched, to his horror, he began to peel back the skin revealing that it was a mask, and underneath was a grotesque, featureless red skull.

Steve swallowed, his face wrinkling up as he tried to understand what the hell he had just seen. What he was still seeing, for that matter.

"You don't have one of those, do you?" Bucky mumbled, his attention also on the man in front of them.

"You are deluded, Captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality…” Schmidt tossed the mask down into the flames, Steve following it with his eyes before he glanced back across the factory room “…you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind.” At that Schmidt turned to his right and walked towards the now open elevator “Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!" he gestured with his hand as he made his way into the elevator.

"Then how come you're running?" Steve yelled back. It was a pathetic shot really, all things considered, but it was all Steve could think about saying given what had happened. As expected, Schmidt completely ignored him and merely smirked as he pressed a button to his right and the doors closed.

Steve paused, still not completely sure what the hell had gone on when a large explosion rocked the platform they were stood on, causing both him and Bucky to duck once more from debris that shot up all around them.

They needed a way out. Steve’s eyes fell back on the elevator and he followed the shaft upwards spotting a set of doors right at the top which led, he assumed, to the roof. He followed the line of the ceiling, noticing there was a thin gantry that led over to the side they were on, and he spun round to spot another set of steps which led upwards.

That was it, their only way out.

"Come on," Steve turned around, grabbing Bucky’s arm and leading him to the stairs. "Let's go. Up."

Together they hurriedly climbed and reached the highest walkway that stretched across the factory floor that was now burning, Steve felt, hotter than hell itself. Explosions rocked the catwalks causing everything to shake and Steve glanced at the flimsy gantry that led over to the side they needed to be on, then back to Bucky.

“Let’s go. One at a time.” He moved to help Bucky climb over the railings to allow him to cross first. Bucky made his way tentatively across the thin beam of metal and as he was roughly at the halfway point, it began to give way. Bucky picked up his pace and threw himself off the edge grabbing the railings at the other side, but the gantry collapsed behind him leaving Steve stranded.

Steve watched as Bucky hauled himself over and then tuned to face him, the realisation that Steve was stuck evident on his face as he looked back at him.

"Gotta be a rope or something!" Bucky shouted hopefully. At that point another part of the factory below them fell with a loud crash into the fire below and Steve swallowed, shaking his head.

"Just go! Get out of here!" he bellowed, waving Bucky away. Bucky shook his head, his hands gripping the railing around the walkway.

"No! Not without you!" he screamed back, desperation lacing his tone.

Steve looked over at him, then peered down at the fire, before taking another look up. If he stayed where he was, he was a dead man. If he jumped and didn’t make it, he was a dead man. But if he didn’t jump, well he had no chance of making it at all.

Decision made he pushed the now broken bars of the railings in front of him, bending it out of the way to create a gap large enough to jump through. He took a few steps back, once more gaging the distance before he sighed and grimaced a little at what he was about to do, having no idea whether he was going to make it. His thoughts flashed to Katie, his only comfort out of all of this was that she wasn’t stuck with him now and had a good chance of having made it out. With a deep breath he set off at a sprint before he launched himself off the side, over the huge chasm below. His arms flailed, as did his legs as he spun them to try and maintain momentum, the flames and explosions licking at his boots and with a loud grunt he landed, his arms gripping tightly onto the remainder of the railing beside Bucky. Bucky was quick to grab him, hauling him over, the pair of them falling to the metal walkway. Steve landed with a grunt on his back and took a huge breath, turning to look at Bucky who was led besides him, his chest heaving.  

“Thanks.” Steve panted as Bucky looked at him, incredulously.

“You’re thanking me?” he shook his head “Whatever man…”

Another large explosion rocked the gangway they were on and they both rolled over, before pushing themselves up, stumbling a little as they made their way hastily through the door, bursting out into the cold night air. Steve took a split second to gather his bearings, his eyes flicking to the front gate of the camp before he located a set of the metal railing type rungs the same as the ones he and Katie had used to gain entry at the side of the building.

“This way…” Steve instructed as he led Bucky towards it, and started to descend, all the time keeping one eye on his friend in case he lost his grip and Steve needed to catch him. When Steve’s feet finally touched down on solid ground he felt like yelling in utter relief, but they weren’t clear yet. Once Bucky landed besides him, they both set off at a sprint across the outside area of the camp. There were still a fair number of soldiers running around but they were too busy trying to escape the burning building to pay him and Bucky any attention. Nevertheless, they kept to the shadows and made their way out of the gate, Steve taking a sharp right following the way he had come with Katie before.

As they walked towards the clearing they were aiming for the hushed sound of voices and chatter hit their ears and he heard Bucky take a sharp breath.

“Steve?” Bucky asked as Steve continued walking, his feet crunching over the frosty ground under his boots. “Is that…”

“No, it’s not HYDRA.” Steve assured him. “We found a bunch of other prisoners before you, got them out first…”

“We?” Bucky asked, “There was someone else with you?”

“Yeah, it was….” Steve trailed off as they emerged into the clearing and a number of men wheeled round, guns raised. As they spotted who it was their weapons dropped but before Steve could say anything Katie pushed through the middle and stopped dead, her chest heaving. She looked a little roughed up- some of her uniform was torn, there was a cut to her right temple, a trickle of blood having seeped down her cheek and the same side of her face looked a little red and bruised but other than that, she seemed fine.

Steve felt relief flood his system at the sight of her, and without a word he strode quickly towards her and she threw herself at him, wrapping her legs round his waist as he held her tight, one hand supporting her lower back, the other gripping at the back of her head, fisting softly in her untidy hair.

“Thank God…” he mumbled, closing his eyes as he held her close, pressing his face into her hair.

“You’re late.” She stuttered and he let out a splutter of a laugh as he pulled back to look at her “I thought you were gonna stand me up.”

“Never” he shook his head, his eyes locking onto hers. They stood still, no attention being paid to anyone around them at all and Steve swallowed, his eyes flicking down to her mouth. His face dropped towards hers, and then a voice spoke from behind them, completely interrupting him and reminding him that firstly he was in the middle of a still heavily occupied with enemy troops forest and secondly, that they were most certainly not alone.

“Well, this is nice.”

Steve closed his eyes and let out a sigh as he set Katie onto her feet, stepping back out of her space, blushing furiously. She peered round him, as he turned and saw Bucky smirking at the pair of them. He jerked his face towards Katie, arching an eyebrow.

“Hey Doll face.”

“Barnes.” she scanned him up and down, taking in his appearance before she smiled “Good to see you in one piece.”

“Yeah, I hate to break this little reunion up…” the British soldier spoke and they all turned to face him “but I suggest we get moving and tie up with the rest.”

“The rest?” Steve frowned, looking around, and for the first time he noticed that there were a lot less men than he had anticipated “Where…”

“We split into three main groups. We took a few losses but most of us made it. My group managed to take a few vehicles.” Katie explained “Some kind of tank, two trucks. We also found a huge storehouse too and loaded both trucks with as much as we could take, weapons, ammo, and equipment, what ration packs we could find.” She took a deep breath “Dernier, one of the men, he said he knew the area well as his group had been scouting it for a while and there’s an old abandoned allied base some 10 miles South East which he suggested would be easier for us to hold up in whilst we waited for help. I sent him ahead with the seriously wounded along with support. Said we would meet them there.”

Steve blinked, astounded at her planning, although he knew he really shouldn’t be. He nodded and then looked around, before a huge explosion made them all jump and Steve turned to see an enormous fireball erupt into the sky signalling that the HYDRA base had finally gone up completely.

“Okay, let’s move.” He instructed, as Katie began to bark out instructions again, before she hurried forward and fell into step alongside Dugan, who pulled out his compass before he pointed and began to bellow out for everyone to make tracks.

“So….” Bucky fell into step alongside Steve, and Steve kept his eyes focussed ahead as they began to walk “Somethin’ going on then between you two or…”

“Don’t know what you mean.” Steve replied, but couldn’t help the smirk that spread across his face as he continued to avoid Bucky’s searching glance.

“You’re a punk.” Bucky snorted, nudging him.

“Jerk.” Steve replied simply, the smile on his face growing bigger by the second.

#stark spangled rebirth #steve rogers #steve rogers x original female character #katie stark #stark spangled #chris evans #chris evans characters

[t4tbruharvey]

ok lots of asks incoming jdhjs i just picked random-ish numbers and names but yeah anyway!! hope you're having a good night :)

past (for q): 3, 6, 8; present (for gabi): 8, 9, 12; and future (for perlah): 2, 7, 8

omg omg omg ok. cool. ok. thank youuuuu

PAST: q

3 - describe their family. who raised them, and who had the most impact on them? did they have any siblings? who were they closest to? what were the family dynamics like?

q is the only child in a fairly affluent family - rich enough to send hir to a boarding school, where ze spent most of their time with ellie, the only other queer kid that ze knew of. hir parents are quite distant, and very traditional, constantly emulating the looks and values of old money folks, which unfortunately meant that for all of hir teenage years, q's only confidante was ellie. school was an extremely isolating experience for her because ze was closeted everywhere, and ze was in the girls' dorm while ellie was in the boys' dorm, so ze only saw her in class/leisure hours, and ze tended to feel really lonely at night.

6 - did the location they grew up in affect them significantly? do they still go there?

ze has literally no love for that place. it's a pretty joyless area, no matter how many brownstones they pass or how many trees are planted on the streets. wrought iron and spring leaves can't make a place feel like somewhere people live, which is why q hasn't been back there since ze left home at 18.

8 - what was their childhood/teenage bedroom like?

q's bedroom at home was COVERED in whatever heavy metal posters they could find in innercity record shops, apart from one wall, on which ze put up paper before proceeding to write all over it; diagrams, homework equations, bad poetry, song lyrics, swear words, you name it. it was very much a typical 'rebellious teen' bedroom, partly to piss of hir parents and partly to make hir feel more like hirself when ze was in there. none of that was present in their dorm, though. that had white walls and sensible carpeting and a desk, and that was it.

PRESENT: gabi

8 - what hobby or pastime of theirs do they consider most important to them and why?

bullet journalling. he genuinely does pride himself on organisation, and this is something that actively encourages it, as well as being an outlet for the impulse to put everything in order that doesn't involve wrecking the apartment or committing a crime.

9 - what kind of place do they live in?

he lives in a really really nice apartment on the fourth floor of a building that was retrofitted in the 70s. you know it's a nice apartment because, despite rent being extremely low citywide, they had to get a fourth roommate to cover the rent. he shares a room with cora, which is mostly pretty dark (black and grey sheets, gothic full-length mirror on the black closet), with his desk being the most colourful thing in the room: it's covered in different brands of brush pen, post it notes arranged in a grid on the wall, a gantt chart printed out and stuck to the side of things he has coming up, a t shirt he's been drawing a fractal on for a week now, shit like that.

the only other room gabi frequents is the kitchen, which is mint green with white tiles and mismatched wooden furniture. it's a pretty standard kitchen in terms of mess levels, and gabi is under no circumstances allowed to change the order of anything in there or cora will go ballistic. she's the one who uses the spices most, so it's only fair she gets to decide how they're arranged. (no system of any kind other than 'vibes')

12 - if someone mentioned their name to someone else, what would they immediately think of (i.e. defining characteristic, appearance- or personality-wise)?

when he was in school, it probably would have been 'size', because he was built like if lady dimitrescu went to high school and had a very unremarkable bob. currently, however, it's definitely the hair, which consists of a raspberry-pink grown out mullet and turquoise fringe. personality wise it's that he's gives off the same vibe as a violin bow that's been tightened to the point where it's just about to snap, but hasn't snapped yet.

FUTURE: perlah

2 - are they content with their future situation? is there anything they would change?

i'll be honest: she probably wouldn't be too pleased she's dead. or that she's being used as a martyr, or that her death is justifying a manhunt for cora.

7 - are their friends still a part of their life? are there people they are no longer in touch with, or newly important people?

well, in the most literal sense, no. in a more figurative sense then somewhat? everyone assumes katy is 'the girlfriend' and that gabi was manipulated by cora, and that cora was scheming to kill perlah and take her money or something all along. so they're all involved in the news coverage, and katy has finally met perlah's parents, who held her hands and sobbed a lot.

8 - would they become a mentor figure for anyone?

no, unfortunately. despite exuding grace and easy charm, perlah wasn't a role model for anybody, unless it's to be used as a cautionary tale about mingling with the criminals in the masses.

#ty!!!!!!! this was fun sorry it's all so long!!!! ily <333

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension.  As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

#asks

[vmohlere]

More Infinite Coffee Q&A

@musings-on-bucky-barnes​ had some more questions from last year’s Q&A, and after AGES of procrastination on my part, here’s the first set of answers. Also on Ao3.

·         When does Pepper teach Bucky to wink?

 I have no idea! That’s not one of the little details that my brain bothered to supply.

 Or perhaps he saw her do it (to himself or someone else) and decided to copy it.

 Very possible! Barnes definitely watches Pepper closely, because he considers her a reliable source for acceptable social cues.

 ·         Reactions of the Tower residents and other friends when Bucky recovers enough to start grinning and winking? (We know that Natasha said it makes him look epically hot!)

 Pretty much the universal reaction to being grinned at by Barnes for the first time is being stunned and maybe a little turned on. Barnes doesn’t bring out the flirting that often – most often with the Olds and the folks at the Lucky Carp, because of his comfort levels – but Barton and Sam flirt with him pretty shamelessly, trying to get him to smile. Hill has been known to save up a particularly juicy smart comment so she can make it in front of him. And Tony would deny it forever, but once Barnes laughs softly at something during arm maintenance, he ramps the Tony Show up to 13 to try to make Barnes laugh again.

 And also what about flirting at and with Steve? Lucky Steve would get the full force of it when they’re together.

 Prior to Upgrade: Advanced Happiness Skills, Barnes only flirts with Steve when it’ll cause maximum embarrassment and/or make Steve drop something heavy onto his own foot.

 ·         The reactions of the others to Steve and Bucky being together? We get to see the main Avengers and the Olds react, but not Pepper, Maria, Bruce, Katie, Peggy and the Carp clan.

 Hill yells at them for ruining No-Touch Valentine’s Day, but come on – you know she’s delighted. Especially since their timing meant that neither Barton nor Tony won the betting pool for how long it would take. (Pepper won, because she picked the date Nat told her to).

 The others might complain that the bet is then null and void because Nat had insider information ;)

 Who would dare complain (to her face)?

 Mr. Hayashi blinks at them for a minute, until Kazue fusses at him for being old-fashioned.

 How does he then react?

 Oh, he’s fine, just momentarily surprised.

 Katie cries with happiness, and Steve’s a sympathy crier, so that’s a very damp conversation.

 Bruce notices. Eventually. (Nah, I kid – all the Tower residents saw this coming miles and miles away.)

 So that means that they are good at keeping their poker faces, as Bucky says in Advanced Happiness Skills that none of them (apart from Nat) noticed and that they appeared to be morons. (Which could mean that HE was so happy and distracted that he was actually the unobservant moron!)

 Correct.

 Sadly, I’m not sure that the Peggy in this world would be mentally together enough to hold onto the news. But her objective was always that Steve be safe and happy.

  ·         Steve and Peggy’s relationship - how it was affected in the period after Bucky’s ‘death’?

 I don’t have anything for this. Just thinking about it makes me so sad, though.

It is ironic that Bucky remembers more about Steve’s sex life than his own, like Steve & Peggy in the room in Lyon. Poor Bucky…

 Oof, his own sex life has a lot of stuff he didn’t want to remember, so he walled off all of it.

 Steve’s reactions to knowing that Bucky loved him and was jealous of Peggy

 Capt. Compartmentalization took that knowledge and tucked it very far back in his mind, bringing it back only when he wanted to torture himself by feeling guilty about it.

                 Will Steve and Bucky discuss Steve’s feelings/guilt about how he felt he let Bucky down during WW II?

 Oh, sure. They live for a very long time, and eventually, they talk all of it through.

  ·         Other Tower residents & Olds after Bucky has been shot

 Widespread frantic worry. There’s a phone tree for updates. Barton remembers to add the Hayashis to it.

 Steve’s reactions to wounded Bucky’s ramblings – including the ‘you’re my favorite person’ comment

 Well, you know, Buck was just as high as a kite there, couldn’t be held responsible for anything he was saying, and there definitely was no teeny tiny little part of Steve that had been in love with Bucky Barnes since he was 15 years old that was 100% thrilled.

 ·         Does Bucky ever run into Tyler and Dale again? Or they recognize him on TV when the media realize Bucky is alive/helping the Avengers?

 Oh man, I don’t know. I have thought about The Dale & Tyler Question a number of times, and I haven’t ever been able to decide what the funniest option is.

 ·         Bucky’s next birthday – will he be recovered enough for a big birthday party of his own?

 No, but I’ve just decided this minute that they rent out the Carp for the evening and have all the mission-assists for dinner. Barnes has to sit with his back to the wall near the front door, but he loves it.

 ·         What made you decide to do Steve’s POV? It was the first look at Bucky from the outside in this series.

 That section rose up and demanded to be written and fell out all in one lump. The only thing I changed while revising was to rearrange it a little. I really loved writing Steve’s voice.

 ·         Tony’s reaction to someone apart from himself doing something risqué/scandalous (the skinny dipping)

 He hates it, of course! While secretly loving it. Incapable of having a straightforward emotion, that one.

 ·         Solo trips to the Carp by other Avengers

 Oh, sure. They’re very good for that place’s bottom line. And Nat visits the Olds on her own.

 ·         It seems that Ollie’s honey Wayne died not long before Ollie encountered Bucky for the first time. How did the Olds all meet? Did they know Wayne?

 That must be so, given the way I mentioned things, but the timing wasn’t deliberate. Esther and Lidia had both lived in the building for several years, moving in when it was a much less dire place, and neither could afford to leave once it started getting bad. They were “nodding neighbors” until O’Reilly bought the place and started using it for nefarious purposes, and then they clung together for safety. Ollie moved in because it was what he could afford. They took one look at how sad he was and adopted him.

 Eventually, all three of them move to California, because the NYC winters get to be too much for their joints, and Ollie’s family is so happy to have him more active in their lives, and they don’t want to be separated. Barnes is NOT a fan of the plan, though it’s what ultimately makes him stubborn about learning to make air travel okay.

 That makes me sad and happy in equal measure. Tony would probably offer to do something whiz bang to the building’s heating, but a permanent move to warmer climes makes sense (and he and Pepper would make sure they got a great home). Hopefully Cat Eleanor likes her new home!

 Yeah, they are all really happy in California. Ollie’s family takes them all in with open arms.

 ·         Use of first names/surnames/nicknames and the importance of choice of which.

Like how you mentioned in a Tumblr post that you were very specific in Bucky’s use of Rogers, Steve and Stevie. And there is also how he only seems to prefer to let Steve say ‘Bucky’.

 Using a first name is a sign of intimacy for Barnes. Surnames keep people at arm’s length – or, in Hill’s case, are a sign of recognizing one as an equal.  His using “Steve” or “Stevie” means that it’s a moment of the programming losing power.

 And yes. Only Steve can call him “Bucky.” Only the Olds can call him “Jimmy.” He thinks of himself as “Barnes.”

 ·         How quickly did it take the Olds to realize that their mysterious new neighbor was Bucky Barnes?

 A couple of weeks.

 ·         Any more snippets of Cat Eleanor being her glorious cat self with the boys?

 Oh man, I wish I had one for you, but I don’t.

 They do eventually adopt their own cat, though, after the Olds move. His name is Jack, and he’s a hideous old grey thing with one eye. He and Barnes are devoted to one another. Jack tolerates Steve as a second-class roommate.

 ·         In ‘This You Protect’, you mention that Barnes is somewhat of a prude when Steve trolls him by singing rude and yucky songs. Is that a feature of old Bucky or new Barnes or both?

 Barnes

 Bucky thought all those songs were hilarious.

 ·         Recently you gave an intriguing one line summary about your original novel – please repeat that and tell us a bit about the genre, what stage it is up to, why you decided to write it.

 oh jeez.

 Did I say it was about a lady and her six werewolf boyfriends? I’m working on my query letter now, and I don’t know whether it’s urban fantasy—with—romance or paranormal romance, because marketing labels are a mystery unto me, but it’s full of jokes and people being dumb about their own emotions and baked goods. It’s definitely a coffeeshop AU, plus lots of boning.

 It’s not high art, but I had a ton of fun writing it.

 Honestly, I wrote it because I got mad at a bad fic (non-MCU) and decided I could do better. I will NOT link the fic.

 ·         Tell us the story behind your choice of that Battle of the Planets art for your icon.

 HA! I loved that cartoon when I was a kid. But mostly that picture just makes me laugh every time I look at it – it’s so cheesy. There’s something about the pose and the facial expression that I find hilarious, and I’ve used it for long enough now that it would be weird to change it.

 xXx

#ICaPD #Infinite coffee #Barnes #This You Protect #owlet

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

#aro #ace #aromantic #aromantism #asexuality #aspec #lgbt #lgbtqa

[tigerlillyscorner]

Taylor, Taylor, Taylor

I never really post my feelings and opinions on things since my tumblr page is for me to post my photography on, but I really needed to get this off my chest as it something that has bothered me for a while, especially in these last two days. And that is to do with Taylor Swift. Now if you’re looking for a post slandering Taylor with me making statements such as “"white devil”, “"she’s always playing the victim” or “trump supporter”, well I’m sorry to disappoint you (actually I’m not sorry because those statements are OFFENSIVE, DISGUSTING and INACCURATE. As many of you know, Taylor released her first single “"Look What You Made Me Do” of her upcoming sixth album “Reputation” which has broken records within it’s 24 hour debut and is likely to break more as the weeks go by. 

However since this is her first single since early 2016 in which Taylor went through a heap of media controversy, an unfamiliar territory for her in her career (with the exception of the 2013 social media mocking of her dating life upon her break with Harry but that didn’t really cause that much of a media frenzy unless you are a swiftie like myself and was active on social media during that time period). Due to the controversy surrounding Kanye West’s “Famous” involving THAT lyric and an episode of KUWTK showing recorded footage of a conversation between Kanye and Taylor, Taylor has been heavily slandered in the mainstream and social media (hense her silence on Twitter, a platform that did the majority of the slandering by trending the hashtag Taylor Swift is Over Party). 

Whilst being a fan of Kanye’s for many years, do I enjoy “Famous”? The answer is no, I don’t. And before you think “Oh it’s because she’s a swiftie, she’s saying that and she’s probably also white, tearing down the black man”. Let me first acknowledge that I am young Black woman and yes Taylor does have POC fans (ooh shocker!😱🙄) and to be very honest, “Famous” is not a good song. I am comparing this to the entire TLOP album and his entire catalog  which was great and had incredible, standout tracks like “No More Parties in LA, Father, Strech My Hands and Ultralight Beam” and not to forget classic tracks such as “Love Lockdown”,”Jesus Walks”, “All Falls Down” and many more. “Famous” pales in comparison to those tracks and I think should have not been on the album. 

The lyric is mysognistic, which is the truth. I also don’t think as a fan of the Kardashians that Kim should have released that footage, that was a private matter between Kanye and Taylor and the recording was a breach of privacy (I would have expected more from Kim as someone who has had their privacy breached before to know better). I enjoy “Look What You Made Me Do” as it is a departure from Taylor’s previous release which I have loved and cherished but do I think it’s her best single? No, not necessarily but I am sure that Reputation will be a great album as she has not disappointed me before album wise. I would also like to debunk a few rumours that are circulating social and mainstream media.

1. The Music Video for Look What You Made Me Do is NOT Taylor’s attempt to recreate Beyoncé’s Lemonade visual album (one of my favourite albums of last year, just to let you know) 

2. LWYMMD is not a diss track to Kimye but rather a response to the media backlash portraying her as the enemy and her playing that character as done with “"Black Space”. mainstream media should really be focused on Trump making a MOCKERY of democracy, Britain in Tory/Brexit hell, and Hurricane Harvey. 

I find it so funny, hypocritical and shocking that many people throw out their beliefs about unity, equality and feminism when it comes to Taylor and I ask why? Why is it that this person you must drag down becaue you don’t like them? Hell, there’s a lot famous people I don’t like and you know what I do? I DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO THEM! If you really don’t care or give a f**k about Taylor then newsflash, don’t talk about them! Don’t pay attention to them, don’t play their music or watch their films or tv shows or read their books or whatever! Whilst you claim that Taylor needs to “grow up” because she’s 27, I would like to point out that Katy Perry, who is 32, is constantly mocking Taylor (which I found ironic considering Katy’s lyric in Swish Swish “funny how my name keeps coming out of your mouth”. Well Katy, I must be reading and watching the wrong things because Taylor has never brought you up since this “feud” began). 

This is getting long winded and I should probably stop here but I hope if anyone reads including Taylor herself takes into consideration my comments because I have kept my mouth shut long enough. @taylorswift you do you dude!

#taylor swift #lookwhatyoumademedo

[buzzfeedreader]

Jonathan Leibson / Getty Images

SZA’s Ctrl is a black girl’s Tumblr come to melodic, vibrant life.

SZA, who is 26 years old and grew up in New Jersey, is speaking in a specific vernacular that will be familiar to black women who spend chunks of their time in certain corners of the internet. It is apparent right from the opening song, "Supermodel," which begins with a recording of the singer’s mother speaking on the grand theme of the record (“That is my greatest fear. That if, if I lost control or did not have control, things would just, you know. I would be be...fatal”). It’s not that the lyrics come in the form of some impenetrable fancy language, necessarily — it is standard (African-)American English, after all — it is the attitude with which she throws out the lyrics that catches the ear, and then makes the words linger on the mind.

When she plaintively sings “Why can’t I stay alone just by myself / wish I was comfortable just with myself” on that opener, for example, you can almost taste the minimalist Tumblr theme; if you close your eyes you can picture an ironic Blingee lighting up on a loop behind your eyelids. Ctrl is covering much of the ground that fills my own dashboard up every single day, the hundreds of posts that essentially boil down to a quest for self-determination — self-determination in a world that seems hell-bent on pushing us into predesignated roles and situations. And that is expressed in pithy but heartfelt text posts about black girl magic in all its forms, mood boards and videos of hair and fashion inspiration, and the men and women we fancy and love, alongside photo sets and GIF sets of nostalgia-nourished TV shows and age-relevant quotes about life and love and self-care. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that SZA was for a good long time an active Tumblr user (I have followed her on there for years). Even now, via her million-follower Instagram, her preferred platform these days, SZA is still doing much of what her Tumblr used to do (minus the direct contact afforded by her Ask box). Last month she posted a screenshot of a Tumblr post about awkward flirting with the caption: “who dragged me like this?”

SZA’s reputation has been building for years via a couple of well-received EPs, See.SZA.Run and S, and her first studio album Z. In 2013, she signed with indie label Top Dawg Entertainment, the home of Kendrick Lamar and the rest of the Black Hippy crew — the first woman to do so. Three years later, she appeared on and co-wrote Rihanna’s opening Anti track, “Consideration.” Collaborating with the likes of Jill Scott and Chance the Rapper, she’s been making atmospheric, lush, and moody R&B that is as much throwback as it is forward-looking, and it is a combination that has made listeners consider her a safe pair of hands (3.9 million monthly listeners on Spotify is no small feat, after all) — the evidence of which lies in her label’s ease with releasing Ctrl in the same week as Katy Perry’s latest.

Music like SZA’s found its first home on Black Girl Tumblr. Or, at the very least, gained loyal followings there. Artists like SZA, H.E.R., Jennah Bell, Jhené Aiko, and so on were the much-cherished discoveries of like-minded girls and young women who were also yearning for their own reflection to come back undistorted. And so perhaps it is inevitable and fitting that listening to SZA’s Ctrl often feels like reading a series of all lowercase, punctuation-free Tumblr text posts. Those posts are often telling a version of the truth, comically bemused but with an arched eyebrow. SZA is earnest, yes, but that doesn’t mean her eyebrow isn’t raised throughout Ctrl.

You can almost hear that eyebrow creak upward on "Garden (Say It Like Dat)” in which she sings engagingly about self-doubt and anxiety: “Lie to me and say / my booty gettin’ bigger even if it ain’t” is a funny, relatable lyric. And even before she expands it into something more plainly stated, it carries undertones of a little sort of sadness. The latter half of this second-verse lyric, for example, is tongue in cheek and on the nose: “I know you'd rather be laid up with a big booty / body hella positive ‘cause she got a big booty” (her ad-lib — an incredulous “wow” — is pitch-perfect). But then the emotion pinballs quickly again with the quiet admission that comes by verse’s end: “You know I'm sensitive ‘bout havin' no booty / havin' no body / only you, buddy / can you / hold me when nobody’s around us?”

In many ways SZA is singing about the things we have come to expect from our indie-slash-folksy white female singer-songwriters, but what Ctrl is delivering comes as experienced and reported through a firmly black girl lens. Like another young musician who has developed an ardent following, British singer-songwriter Nao, SZA makes pop that's sincere — almost painfully so — but she is also playful and smart and funny. Even when she is not in control (of her gravity, of her ex, of the size of her booty), she’s still "finding herself" while remaining refreshingly self-aware — she knows who she is and roughly where she wants to end up. I thought a lot about Nao’s For All We Know while listening to Ctrl and had a clear thought: Where Nao’s constructions sound something akin to black girl church, SZA sounds like the aftermath of a black girl night out (one in which you might have found yourself crying in the club). It perfectly encapsulates that keyed-up post-club, pre-sleep 3 a.m. feeling when feelings are close to the surface.

There is also a firmness in SZA’s persona on this record, best exemplified by her grandmother’s short, spirited interlude at the end “Love Galore”, addressing SZA by her given name, Solána Imani Rowe: “But see, Solána? If you don’t say something, speak up for yourself, they think you stupid. You know what I’m saying?” It’s a nod and a wink to the listener. SZA knows who’s listening, and who that message is for. Another noteworthy and matter-of-fact exemplification comes straight out the gate on “Doves in the Wind”: “Real niggas do not deserve pussy.” Which is self-explanatory.

On “The Weekend,” a soon-to-be sidepiece classic, SZA is funny: “My man is my man is your man / heard it’s her man too,” she coos dismissively before telling her paramour to make sure he’s at her place “by 10:30 / no later than / drop them drawers / give me what I want.” And on “Drew Barrymore” (a geniusly titled song, effortlessly conjuring as it does images of '90s teen rom-coms and coded norms of suburban insecurity and acceptance), she is sharp: “I’m sorry you got karma comin’ to you.” When she sings wistfully about the titular character from 1994 film Forrest Gump (first in cinemas when she was 4), SZA’s being cute but also serious — imagine a world in which pussy was given to only deserving men! “Where's Forrest now when you need him?” she intones almost solemnly on "Doves in the Wind.” “Talk to me.”

The dip into the '90s oeuvre of Robert Zemeckis notwithstanding, Ctrl is very much of the now. Even with its dizzying array of producers, the entire record sounds cohesively and fluently like 2017: Peep the references to Netflix show Narcos (which also got a shoutout on Stormzy’s 2017 LP Gang Signs and Prayer) or the aforementioned “body positive” (a term whose overuse has given it an unearned negative reputation on Tumblr and beyond). On “Normal Girl,” SZA borrows liberally from Drake’s 2016 single “Controlla” (“You like it / when I be / aggressive”). Even the nostalgic TV Ctrl harks back to is curiously very current again: that period in the '90s that young people have rediscovered and which they quote liberally from, thanks to streaming. SZA refers to comedy sketch show MadTV on “Doves in the Wind,” and on “Go Gina” she uses one of Martin Lawrence’s catchphrases from his sitcom Martin.

Ctrl is a mishmash of so many influences, which will continue to reveal themselves as it beds in with listeners. Its pop DNA is evident in its many catchy hooks and choruses (“Prom” sounds like a 2017 update of Gwen Stefani’s “Cool,” for example), and her guest stars — Kendrick Lamar, Travis Scott, James Fauntleroy, Isaiah Rashad — add weight but are never overwhelming. SZA has an ear for what is aurally pleasing and commercial: Upon my third listen to the record, I was struck by how happily pretty much every song would sit on the soundtrack of a teen show (won’t someone invite her to score a black girl coming-of-age movie, please?).

What sells the record best, though, is SZA’s own conviction. Like the black girls who live their multi-adjectived lives on Tumblr, she is the best chronicler of her own life. It’s an expansion of self-identity that stretches beyond Strong Black Woman (which is not entirely discarded as one facet) and travels into the territory we have always known was in us. SZA’s music is vulnerable and sweet, self-questioning and self-affirming, all at the same time, in a way that is performative, yes — but also intimate and tender. It is a snapshot of one 26-year-old’s life right now, much like all those Tumblrs are moments in amber. Ctrl feels “Dear Diary” real, which is to say it is Black Girl Tumblr writ large. Control, in all avenues, is the defining characteristic, and it is powerful. “I belong to nobody / hope it don’t bother you / you can mind your business / I belong to nobody” SZA sings on “Go Gina.”

Listening to Ctrl, you don’t doubt it.

—Bim Adewunmi on SZA’s new album

#sza #blackgirls #r&b #carefreeblackgirls #sadblackgirls #music #reviews #photos #bim adewunmi

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[carasueachterberg]

This last week has been a tough one. Just like my beautiful tulips that were bright and healthy a few days ago and now droop and struggle in the below freezing temperatures, the puppies’ story changed drastically this week.

Below are the entries from our week in rescue. If you’d like to read them in real-time, you can follow the daily diary on my Facebook page, Cara Sue Achterberg, writer.

Diary of a Rescue Day 15:

I’m a little worried about Usnavi. He hasn’t been himself and has stopped gaining weight. No other symptoms yet- no fever, no cough, he’s eating.

Yesterday I decided to start supplementing his meals with puppy formula. He’s tiny and there aren’t enough seats at the milk bar so could be he’s just not getting his share.

I’m pretty sure that Mia (and consequently these pups) are full of worms. It’s still too soon for the big gun dewormers, so worms may also be the issue with Usnavi.

Paws crossed this little guy starts feeling better soon.

#puppyprayers

Diary of a Rescue Day 16:

Solid food! Well, mushy solid food. Almost all of the puppies loved it. Some of them preferred to eat it off the faces of their siblings. Usnavi and Pippin, who are both not gaining weight had an early seating so they had a head start. Now that they are getting solid food I’m hopeful that they will begin to gain again.

The additional food plus a new stronger dewormer this week will hopefully get them all looking healthier. They just aren’t roly-poly like I pups usually are. They have defined backbones and pot bellies so I’m guessing worms are the culprit.

We’ll get them right. Worms are a battle with all puppies.

I’m hoping to do a live stream puppy hour tomorrow- so watch for it! I’m going to pick a time when they are active.

Happy Easter to those that celebrate- this is by far the strangest Easter ever. I am planning an egg hunt for my big kids and we’ll be cooking seafood since we couldn’t find a ham!

Diary of a Rescue Day 18 (am):

I apologize for not posting a diary entry yesterday, but things in the puppy pen began to plummet in the afternoon. Even with the introduction of solid food, most of the puppies are not gaining weight anymore. Seven of ten have either stayed the same or lost weight, and two had become dangerously fragile.

I tried repeatedly to supplement the weaker puppies all afternoon and evening with formula, but they had little interest. Early this morning, Elphaba died. I found her with her mother in Mia’s dog bed this morning. I don’t know if Mia knew she was dying and carried her there or was trying to feed her.

Pippin’ does not look good and Usnavi seems okay but is still losing weight. I dewormed all the puppies right after I found Elphaba deciding that the risks outweighed the benefit of waiting any longer. The puppies who are struggling all have pronounced back and hip bones and round, hard bellies, which to me, combined with Mia’s lack of weight gain despite copious amounts of food, means worms.

We are headed to the vet this afternoon at 2:30. Taking a litter this young to the vet frightens me, but losing another puppy frightens me more. This has begun to feel like a battle against an invisible enemy.

Fostering pregnant dogs and litters who have not had quality prenatal care, really the reverse of that, means that we do lose puppies, but this time stings worse than others because they were all doing so well. They will be four weeks old on Tuesday and I would have thought we’d be out of the woods by now instead of just going into it.

#rescueisreal #praying for these puppies

Diary of a Rescue Day 18 (pm):

After three hours at the vet, we have our diagnosis and a plan. The puppies (and Mia) are infested with hookworms. If you know anything about hookworms, you know they are lethal.

Even though I dewormed them this morning, as long as they are nursing and Mia is cleaning them, the cycle can’t be broken and they will be reinfested again and again. As the hookworms advanced thru their stages, the pups have become more and more anemic, which explains how on Sunday they became like wind up toys winding down.

All of them have dangerously low red blood cell counts. In a bigger dog, a blood transfusion would be needed, but they are just too small. Pippin and Usnavi are so low that the next day or two will tell whether they will survive.

To save them all, we had to take them from their mama. So now the burden is on me (and whatever family I can enlist) to get them fed round the clock.

Some had begun eating solid food, which helps but all of them will have to get on board with puppy mush, plus drinking their formula. They got a B12 shot today and will start on iron supplements (super yuck!). We will aggressively deworm them through the next few weeks.

And we will hope.

The vet said, “You’ve done everything you can do for them, now we will just see.”

Rescue is never predictable. These puppies would have definitely died in a shelter, Mia too, if the hookworms were left untreated. This is hard but this is the best we can do. We can give them this chance.

We could use your prayers and good energy going forward. I’m hopeful and ready to do what we need to do.

#togetherwerescue #anothergooddog

Diary of a Rescue Day 19:

We made it through the night. In fact, I almost posted at 3am when Pippin finally drank formula from a bowl. Up until that point, the only thing I was getting in her was what I syringed into her mouth (well the tiny amounts she didn’t let fall right out). I’ve decided to interpret her stubborn resistance to being made to eat as strong will, which will bode well in the days to come.

Most of them have taken to the mush well. The weaker pups (Usnavi, Pippin, Millie, & Cinderella) are not yet interested in mush but are lapping up the formula fairly well. Sometimes they need a jump start with the syringe.

Mia is sad and sore. It’s hard to stop nursing abruptly, but her milk supply wasn’t very plentiful, likely to the fact that she was also fighting off the hookworms, so as of now she is full but no signs of mastitis. We are taking frequent slow walks around the pasture.

I’m not used to such a subdued version of Mia. It is hardest for her when she hears the pups playing it crying. If the temperatures would warm up I would move her crate to the garage but for now we are dealing with her whines (as is everyone on Nick’s conference calls).

I’m tired but hopeful.

#rescueishard #puppies are resilient.

Diary of a Rescue Day 20:

We’ve had a great day. Everyone is finally eating independently! They eat their main meals in shifts of three and I leave kibble and water out all the time.

Just checked weights and everyone gained weight except Evan, but he held his own. Usnavi made it to two pounds and Mr M and Dolly topped three pounds! Most importantly, Pippin gained two ounces. Big sigh of relief here.

They are sleeping a lot but getting more and more active and interactive which you’ll see in the video. Pippin tires easily but that’s to be expected as her numbers were so low. She is eating well and even playing with the others and tonight for the first time, she played with a toy.

The iron supplements perk them up each afternoon. Tomorrow right after breakfast they will get another deworming and hopefully that will get anything that was left from Monday’s deworming and the new ones just starting. We will win this, I am confident. And then they have a lot of catching up to do.

Thanks for all the support and messages – it makes me feel much less alone, even if I am.

Please be safe and take care of each other!

#togetherwerescue

Diary of a Rescue Day 21:

After a day of nonstop crying, Mia left for another foster home tonight. I’m so grateful to Katie for volunteering to take her.

The last three days have been incredibly hard on Mia- physically and emotionally. As the pups have gained strength and ‘come back to life’ they are getting noisier which has been torment for Mia. I am sad that I won’t get to see her through but so glad that she can now start truly healing.

The pups are active and growing plump. Even Pippin continues to gain although she still tires easily and sleeps most of the day. They are enjoying toys now and whenever they catch sight or sound of me the begin a chorus of whining for attention. I really wish I had nine arms!

#gettingbettereveryday

Pippin

Mr. Misto

Usnavi

Calamity Jane

Millie

Pippin

Kate

Dolly

Dolly winking

Cindy

Evan

Mia

Thanks for reading!

Cara

If you’d like regular updates of all my foster dogs past and present, plus occasional dog care/training tips from OPH training, be sure to join the Facebook group, Another Good Dog.

For information on me, my writing, and books, visit CaraWrites.com. I have a new book, One Hundred Dogs and Counting: One  Woman, Ten Thousand Miles, and a Journey into the Heart of Shelters and Rescues, coming out in July. If it sounds like something you’d like to read, I’d be beyond grateful if you’d consider preordering it. Preorders contribute to the success of the book, not only giving me and my publisher some peace of mind but hopefully attracting media attention.

And if you’d like to know where all these dogs come from and how you can help solve the crisis of too many unwanted dogs in our shelters, visit WhoWillLetTheDogsOut.org.

Our family fosters through the all-breed rescue, Operation Paws for Homes, a network of foster homes in Virginia, Maryland, D.C., and south-central PA.

If you can’t get enough foster dog stories, check out my book: Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs . It’s available anywhere books are sold.

I love to hear from readers and dog-hearted people! Email me at [email protected].

Diary of a Rescue Week Three: A Tough Development #rescueisreal #hookworms #puppies This last week has been a tough one. Just like my beautiful tulips that were bright and healthy a few days ago and now droop and struggle in the below freezing temperatures, the puppies’ story changed drastically this week.

#animal rescue #dog rescue #dogs #fostering dogs #hookworms #puppies

[iraholte723421-blog]

Cease Home On Your Oversights.

Off Middle English wrong, to misconstrue, coming from Old Norse mistaka, to take in inaccuracy: mis-, wrongly; observe mei-1 in Indo-European origins + taka, to have. The next error a lot of people bring in is actually that they do not give on their own the authorization to become which they would like to be. A lot of individuals have aspirations concerning which they intend to be actually and they may also fill in front from the looking glass and also visualize being a hassle-free as well as actually trendy person often, I think it would be fairly sure to point out that practically every person has actually daydreamed regarding a situation where they took care of every little thing completely as well as conserved the day. Instance 3 established that popular oversight can easily vacate an agreement just if the error of the subject-matter was adequately fundamental to deliver its identity various coming from exactly what was contracted, creating the efficiency of the arrangement inconceivable. You need to take oversights and also failings as an aspect of lifestyle and also a pure responses and nothing at all additional but reviews. An error where each individual has an improper understanding of the various other's position, or even in which both sides discuss the very same wishful thinking, typically a basis for calling off the deal. Should you have any kind of concerns regarding in which and also the best way to employ yellow pages online uk (http://estoybienahora.info/eco-slim), you'll be able to e mail us on our own web site. Badly created web content, which is not well optimised, is also a mistake that can detrimentally influence your SEO-effectiveness. Incorporate fresh, cost-free web content to your website including most recent posts, web devices, and also quotations along with a singular piece from code! Open up interaction is a need to and this is frequently the worst going out with mistake you can create. Definitely approve the concept that your youngsters are actually doing their best, and that they'll know much faster about their mistakes if they reside in an atmosphere that takes oversights. Scenery what occurred as a take in that will enhance your behaviors and also actions, so you won't create the exact same error again. Acknowledging oversights suggests stamina: Agreeing to discover, walk out on the brink, and neglect, specifically facing others, suggests an individual who cares about herself and also her capability to succeed. Like I discussed above, my greatest blunder after passing was actually getting excited and also acquiring a vehicle too early. That's why very most hopefuls (and dieters) wind up obtaining back their authentic body weight As our company've pointed out prior to: exercise is actually a skill If you want to absolutely grow, you'll should drop the word error off your lexicon to ensure you may completely transform internally. When this comes to having highly effective communication is that they are certainly not informed from their physical body foreign language, vocal or even intonation change, the very first typical oversight people make. Listed here are actually 7 popular errors that earns a degree make in their return to and also ought to prevent that. Be actually caring as well as soft when you connect this along with her, but don't produce the blunder of disregarding it. You'll simply build cynicism eventually, which's heading to injure your marriage. Katie immediately called her supervisor, detailed the error and delivered suggestions concerning how they might safeguard brand-new financing resources to always keep the institution afloat. Following time you think that you've made a mistake, just smile and enjoy that you merely created a large down payment right into you experience account. This is actually much less complicated in a discovering culture compared to in a performance-focused society, in which mistakes are actually usually looked at much more harshly. Lots of people create the oversight from certainly not securing the pre-approved car loans before trying to find houses. Blunders massage therapy counselors often create are actually to either fall under a regular where they supply the same massage therapy over and over again, or even to dismiss the customer's ask for pressure/ focus and also rather only concentrate on exactly what the specialist experiences is crucial. When you miscalculate, the best factor to carry out is actually admit it as well as aim to balance this; certainly not excusing an error is actually one more error. Each time you deal with a mistake you've created, it is actually as if you're creating that mistake across once more. Having said that, a lot of individuals create a series from oversights when this relates to installing this kind as well as purchasing of home windows and a few of these errors are additionally listed here. This will certainly tip off the hospital or surgical treatment to the action concerned and also they will definitely manage to make sure that the same errors to certainly not take place again. They sought it, learned exactly what would create it better the upcoming time, brought in the remodelings and kept practicing. Grammatic errors offer a quite negative impact and also it carries out certainly not matter if you are coming from a technological history or not. The top error supervisors make-and considering that it is basically subconscious that is crucial to be thoughtful with our own selves as well as each other-is to not hear of, incorporate, take, and have your own authorization. Having said that, this is actually simply compounding the error you have actually produced in increasing up on a shedding field by promoting you perform the exact same trait next opportunity you reside in this posture. Ironically, many of the errors that mothers and daddies help make are actually errors made in an effort to get an unfair benefit. Although our experts have all heard the terror tales of individuals obtaining made the most of through auto mechanics that have created tips for repair services or services that were actually certainly not important, you do not would like to risk the opportunity that your auto mechanics is actually being sincere with you, just because you are being actually or low-cost. You could consistently seek quotes as well as review it with 4 to five asks for as well as select the greatest. Merryll Manning: Trapped On Mystery Isle through John Howard Reid was released greater than twenty years back in Australia. This is very important for you to prevent this error and also be prepared for other expenses like assessment expenses, evaluation expenses, lending processing expenses, and so on There definitely are no mistakes, only decisions you created accordinged to the viewpoints you had at the time. Schoemaker keeps in mind that team blunders are actually frequently less complicated to obtain above given that there is actually a diffusion of obligation. Luckily, most of us make blunders every once in a while, no matter how brilliant, exactly how well qualified, as well as exactly how professional our experts are. Nonetheless, by discovering what the common garage oversights that auto manager's make you can easily steer clear of a unpleasant and/or expensive knowledge. Michael Keaton made the exact same blunder as Jenna - and on a considerably larger phase - however he failed to lose any rips for the goof. In my 13 years as a Rhode Isle Child Safekeeping Legal representative, I have viewed numerous papas and mommies create inane as well as dumb choices in the course of the program of Rhode Island Little one Custody Proceedings. Make a listing from the occasions off your lifestyle that you continue to harp on and also can't appear to let go of. For every event, jot down just what your oversight was, exactly what you gained from this mistake, as well as one thing good you have today as a result of the condition. OVERSIGHT 4: A lot of graphics and Flash animations- Pictures and also animation create your website look appealing to the guests. Take a while to work out the response to these two concerns, and discuss them to your supervisor when you disclose the oversight. I'm referring to service blunders that were actually made by mistake, whether this was one thing your staff performed (or even failed to) carry out, or this was actually something under your firm's task. Jenna was questioning Pharrell Williams at the Golden Globes on Sunday when she suggested to inquire him concerning his nomination for the film Hidden Amounts. And, with any luck you'll discover that just because you slipped up does not mean you enable this to negate each one of the excellent choices you have actually made as well as the goodness that is in your heart. That is very important to comprehend the manner in which mistakes could developing arrangements so that your business is actually not become associated with contracts which could be created void or voidable because of an error entering into the arrangement. Mistake describes an inappropriate activity, view, or even opinion; this might additionally propose an incorrect understanding, assumption, or even analysis: an oversight in arithmetic; That was actually an error to reputable them. Error 1: Not consisting of durability training in your workout session - All too often, folks gravitate toward cardio type workout such as walking, running, bicycling etc as well as keep away from toughness instruction. When the participants to an arrangement are each incorrect concerning the same content reality within their agreement, a shared error occurs.

[leonorchapa863-blog]

Avoiding Some Graphic Design Mistakes.

I go through a short article recently regarding a teapot that J. C. If you have almost any inquiries relating to in which as well as the way to utilize yellow pages online advertising (perderunos--pesos.info), you possibly can e mail us from the web site. Cent is actually selling. The important thing in my viewpoint is actually not to affix the blame for an oversight on someone, yet instead to find out what led to the error. When you slip up you could utilize the Sedona Procedure to assist you launch the negative mental cost that follows slipping up. They attempt to participate in the target job, would like to appear excellent, and totally reject any engagement in making the mistake. The ones that never found or recognized their fake pas never ever made it into the business world and certainly never created a distinction in their very own life, or even the realm. While Katie felt like she had actually produced a substantial blunder, she learned from it. Her calendar of target dates now also includes word-of-mouth" ones and also appointments along with the difficult times issued by funders. There is actually not a ton of factor informing your manager that an oversight was created without recognizing exactly how or even why this occurred. There is a guideline that a facility or person could not be created extra accountable simply by remaining in the info chain and passing along info consumed promise in the belief that it held true, or at the very least without expertise of the likelihood from falsity or even miscalculation. As well as I once more share confidence in them that they have this within them to stay away from producing that oversight once again. An additional procedure from getting this capability is to learn a few of the general methods and also prevent the best typical mistakes. Our experts asked participants from the Youthful Entrepreneur Council exactly how they handle oversights and also exactly how they learn to move past all of them to perform far better down the road. During the course of a session, massage counselors might be actually informeded from individual clinical disorders or even treatments - these must constantly be actually kept strictly personal and private. You can regularly request quotes as well as compare that with four to five asks for and decide on the most effective. Merryll Manning: Entraped On Enigma Island by John Howard Reid was published much more than twenty years earlier in Australia. That is very important for you to be actually and avoid this mistake planned for various other costs like inspection costs, assessment prices, financing handling fees, etc There truly are actually no mistakes, simply choices you made accordinged to the perceptions you contended the amount of time. As well as the conventional wisdom is do not create the same error two times, learn from your oversights. You have come to allow the concept that you are actually human as well as competent of helping make mistakes. As you can easily view, possessing an opinion, that mistakes and breakdowns are bad, is refraining from doing you any sort of great. Try to find the weaker places in your lifestyle including restricting views that cause you to create blunders and afterwards try to change these limiting actions, beliefs, and also habits. Both Gergen and also Schoemaker focus on that numerous employers try to find folks which made errors and came out ahead. Know-how being to be possessed only from certain as well as obvious honest truth, mistake is actually certainly not a negligence from our know-how, however a blunder of our judgment, giving assent to that which is actually certainly not correct. Every excellent blunder possesses a midway second, a flash when this may be recollected and also perhaps solved. When you can relinquish the past, let go of the guilt connected with the mistake, as well as release the anxiety that making that error has triggered, you may stay in the present with even more gratification. One more typical error that lots of people produce is to enter points as well as certainly not be patient sufficient. The biggest error individuals create is actually believing if one thing is hidden coming from perspective, this could certainly not be accessed in any way. The first error managers make-and considering that it is actually basically unconscious it is necessary to be caring along with ourselves and each other-is to not hear of, combine, take, and possess your personal authorization. Nevertheless, this is actually merely compounding the inaccuracy you've created in multiplying up on a losing profession through promoting you perform the same point next opportunity you're in this posture. Ironically, most of the mistakes that dads as well as mamas create are actually mistakes produced in an attempt to obtain an unethical benefit. The right method of modification is actually done by passing the journal entry in a manner through which the adjustment is actually created by providing effect to the posted entry that has to have been actually passed. But when you carry out, make the effort to undergo the assessment method so you can easily pick up from it and after that allow this go, recognizing that you can not transform the end result or the collection of conditions in which the oversight was actually generated. Unfortunately, a lot of girls aiming to get their ex back produce a variety of errors that find yourself spoiling their chances. Do not make the blunder from waiting on someone or something to find along as well as create you satisfied. Simply puts, the errors that occur in suggested profiles and goods profiles are actually the celebrations that affect the internet earnings. Very most importantly, he profited from the blunder as well as began to have a so much more regimented method to capital. ERROR 5: Poor inner connecting- Links are the links in between web sites and also are actually essential in increasing the web website traffic. The 5th error business make is actually to certainly never think about creating a photo and identity for their company. Having said that, the expert and also fully grown point to do is actually to possess up and confess to your boss or supervisor that it was you that created the blunder. OVERSIGHT 3: Reproduce or unoptimised web content- Several content ranches feed on the internet that offer articles on various subject matters that have been duplicated coming from various other sources. Devices that spot a wrong activity or even component could be utilized to mistake verification a process. If you have not brought in any kind of oversights for some time, you may certainly not be actually providing on your own opportunities to risk, to learn, or even to develop. Writers, Bloggers, Podcasters & Artists: Assisting you certainly not only build & nourish a committed target market, but ways to make use of your mistakes so you switch all of them in to your biggest endorsers however. Self-Care: Typical massage mistakes therapists bring in are actually that they carry out not deal with on their own as much as they should. Blunder # 7 - Settling your insurance claim prematurely, or even appearing as well anxious to settle your case very soon. Always remember, no matter the amount of errors you make or exactly how sluggish you advance, you are still way in advance of every person which isn't really trying. The No 2 oversight that most Foreign exchange traders create is actually to start doubling up on a losing trade and also, again, they produce this error for exactly the exact same explanation. There are actually others who refuse to recognize the oversights that they carry out and blame them on others. The trick is actually to always keep moving as well as not dwell on each personal real property putting in error that you make, specifically early! You can easily constantly request quotes and also contrast that with four to 5 requests as well as pick the greatest. Merryll Manning: Caught On Puzzle Isle through John Howard Reid was actually released over twenty years ago in Australia. It is crucial for you to avoid this oversight as well as be gotten ready for various other expenditures like examination prices, assessment costs, car loan handling fees, and so on There really are no mistakes, only choices you created accordinged to the assumptions you had at the amount of time. If you do not take a look at your statements properly then you will certainly certainly not observe oversights on your account that can be costing you a great deal of cash. BLUNDER 7: Having outdated information- Producing a really good website is actually not completion of duty, when it relates to online search engine marketing. Getting traits that coworkers possess is actually one more common mistake made by individuals who are trying to enrich their look, specifically their professionalism and reliability at the workplace.

[sportsandfitnessinfo]

New Post has been published on http://fitnessandhealthpros.com/fitness/9-trends-of-primal-interest/

9 Trends of Primal Interest

I get a lot of industry news. I eat out a fair bit. I talk to people whose job it is to spot and track health trends. I’m privy to some of the greatest, most innovative minds in the alternative health community—my readers. And you guys are always sending me interesting links. Today, I’m going to discuss some trends of Primal interest. I might poke fun at some of them, and others might be relatively small-scale, but even the silly or minor ones point to interesting movements in the health and fitness zeitgeist.

So, what are the 9 I’m highlighting today?

Experiences over Things

In 2015, I wrote about the dichotomy of value between experiences and things, pointing to research suggesting that buying experiences brings more joy and meaning to a person’s life than buying material objects. I explained how our hunter-gatherer evolution probably wired us to get more out of experiences, and I dug a bit into my own opinion on the matter.

People appear to be agreeing with me. Millennials in particular are choosing things like travel and dining out over gear and gadgets. And the material objects people are consuming enable experiential living—smartphones, fitness trackers, and such. Even media consumption is shifting away from ownership of music and movies to on-demand services like Spotify and Netflix.

Eating Root-to-Leaf

Nose-to-tail eating has taken off. Previously arcane bits like sweetbreads, liver, tripe, marrow, and kidney are on menus everywhere, and few people bat an eye anymore. It’s normal.

Eating root-to-leaf means considering the edibility of the entire plant. More often than not, we’re throwing away a large amount of digestible, nutrient-dense flora.

Broccoli crowns are amazing, but did you know you can eat the leaves? Broccoli leaves are some of my favorite. This also works for Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and celery.

It means eating roots and their greens, whether it’s a carrot, a beet, a rutabaga, or a turnip. When the guy at the farmer’s market asks if you want him to “twist off the leaves,” say “absolutely not.”

Even things like lemon, orange, or grapefruit rinds can be grated, pickled, or processed to extract the flavonoids.

Artisanal Wilderness Retreats

Outfits are taking young professionals on carefully curated excursions into the wild. Check out this video from Wilderness Collective documenting their maiden trip. Yes, it’s overwrought. Yes, it’s a bit silly and a little too perfect. But it’s satisfying a real need people have: spending unbroken days immersed in natural settings.

Walking the dog in the park before work is better than nothing. Putting up a Yosemite wallpaper on your laptop is nice (and may even have an effect). Actually spending 5 nights camping out and trekking through Yosemite is nicer and far more real, even if you’ve got a Michelin-starred chef flambéing flat iron steaks for you at dinnertime.

Movement, Not Just Exercise

There’s growing awareness of the importance and primacy of frequent—constant, if you can—low-level movement. Developments like fitness trackers, walking clubs at the workplace, the rise of standing workstations (pun intended), the bi-monthly article railing against the dangers of sitting too much, the concept of “exercise snacks,” (mini workouts done throughout the day) and the constant recommendations that people walk at least 10,000 steps a day suggest that the word has gotten out. Folks like Katy Bowman (of Don’t Just Sit There fame) have played a huge role in furthering, explicating, and refining the message.

Formal, dedicated training isn’t going anywhere. Nor should it. The stuff plain works. But it works better atop a foundation of constant low-level movement.

Health and Wellness Tourism

I’m not talking about jetting off to Costa Rica for dental work, or Thailand for a sex change operation. I’m talking about hiking the Pacific Coast Trail, or maybe the Appalachian Trail, or even flying to Spain to hike the Camino de Santiago, or to Turkey to do the Lycian Way. Kickboxing camps in Chiang Mai, Inca Trail maintenance at Machu Picchu, WWOOFing.

Nutrigenomics

Right now, we know a few things about the interactions between specific genetic variants and certain foods, activities, and environmental inputs. But biology is probably the most complex system in the universe. We’re missing a ton.

It’s also getting better. Scientists continue to unmask, identify, and catalogue new variants and their effects—and how what you eat and how you train affects them. A product I used and enjoyed, DNA Fit, and similar ones will only get better, more accurate, and more comprehensive.

Monetization of Recovery Days

With all the CrossFitting, Tough Muddering, Olympic lifting, and other training people are doing, they’re finally beginning to wise up to the role recovery days play in fitness. But rather than only rely on time off and sleep, they’re spending big bucks on the best recovery money can buy. Float tanks (rich in magnesium sulfate epsom salts; the sensory deprivation activates but ultimately helps you tame the monkey mind), cryotherapy chambers (ultra-cold therapy), mobility tools that help you stretch and perform self-myofascial release.

Yes, this can get expensive. This isn’t a bad thing. I’ve always argued for more rest and relaxation and recovery, and the consensual exchange of money for services indicates that consumers of cryotherapy, float tanks, mobility/self-myofascial-release products are clearly getting something out of the exchange.

The Rise of Purple Food

Used to be you could only get a big whack of the all-important purple anthocyanins from a cup of blueberries. That’s changing. There’s purple carrots, purple cauliflower, purple sweet potatoes, purple regular potato, purple asparagus, purple corn, black rice. These aren’t recent creations. Purple/black varieties of produce have been around for decades. They’re becoming more prominent though. All that purple doesn’t make up for the loss of Prince, but it’s probably good for our insulin sensitivity and cognitive function.

Cellular Agriculture

Tech companies’ recent forays into food haven’t gone very well, but cellular agriculture could be a game changer. To grow a piece of beef in the lab, they culture stem cells taken from a piece of beef off an actual living cow. Tender cuts (filets) are harvested earlier, tougher cuts (chuck) are harvested later.

The most prominent cellular agriculture company, Memphis Meats, hopes to have its stem cell-grown “clean” chicken and pork on store shelves by 2021. They’ve already got a working meatball for people to taste.

Will it save us?

That remains to be seen. The “cultured meat” evangelists who decry the climactic impact of ruminants always overlook the vital role holistically-grazed livestock play in maintaining soil health, re-greening land, and building carbon sinks. What other “alternative” benefits of eating and raising traditional will they miss? If they try to “optimize” the fatty acid content of a stem-cell ribeye by excising the saturated fat and bumping up the linoleic acid, I will be very upset (but not very surprised).

If the technology gets cheap enough, we’ll probably be able to grow our own at home to whichever specifications we like. Bump up the vitamin K2, omega-3, collagen, zinc, and so on. That could be cool. Whatever the supposed benefits, if it doesn’t taste and behave just like good meat I’m not interested.

That’s it for me, folks. What about you? What are the trends you’re watching for? Which are the trends you’ve adopted? Let me know down below, and thanks for reading!

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Originally at :Mark's Daily Apple Written By : Mark Sisson

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[wildcatscot]

FRI 24th Feb 2017

The inquiry into historical child abuse in Scotland has confirmed that events at Lanark’s former Smyllum Orphanage will be investigated as part of the probe. And fears that now elderly former residents of the home will be prevented from giving evidence because their allegations are ‘time-barred’ have been swept away.

Over the years the Gazette has published harrowing accounts of the treatment of the orphans of the insitution that finally closed 30 years ago.

These allegations have ranged from regular bullying by staff to even an alleged cover-up of a murder at the orphanage.

However, a few have also come forward to testify that they were treated well and were happy during their time at the orphange, run by the Sisters of Charity Order for a century before being handed over to council control in the ’60s.

Now these ageing ‘Smyllum Kids’ are to be invited to tell their stories to the official Scottish Government inquiry into child abuse at 60 Scottish insitutions, ranging from religious order-run orphanages like Smyllum to top private schools such as the ones attended by Tony Blair, Prince Philip and the Prince of Wales.

Almost all the allegations of maltreatment at Smyllum which have come to the Gazette’s attention relate to the time when it was still run by the Sisters of Charity.

This means that most of the surviving orphans are now in their 60s or older and were alarmed when, intially, it seemed the inquiry would only consider evidence of abuse after the year 1963.

Almost all claims of maltreatment at Smyllum allegedly happened in the years between World War Two and the early ’60s and so many thought they would be ‘gagged’ and their distressing tales never told to the official investigation being conducted by Lady Smith.

She and her inquiry team are expected to produce a report in 2019 with recommendations for future action.

It is thought that few if any of the alleged Smyllum abusers are still alive and so legal proceedings against individuals resulting from the inquiry are thought unlikely.

Confirming all former Smyllum orphans will have their say, a statement from Lady Smith’s inquiry team said this week: “Smyllum Orphanage is an institution listed as one of the Scottish Child Abuse Inquiry’s current investigations. The inquiry will cover evidence within living memory of any person who suffered such abuse.”

http://www.carlukegazette.co.uk/news/lanark-s-smyllum-orphans-to-have-their-say-at-abuse-inquiry-1-4375529  http://archive.li/8jICD

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Public Inquiry into Smyllum Orphanage nightmare  May 27, 2015  http://www.carlukegazette.co.uk/news/public-inquiry-into-smyllum-orphanage-nightmare-1-3784457  

Scandal of the orphans lost in unmarked graves  Express Feb 23, 2014 http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/461336/Scandal-of-the-orphans-lost-in-unmarked-graves

EXCLUSIVE: MacAskill snubs abuse survivors Express Aug 10, 2014 http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/497535/EXCLUSIVE-MacAskill-snubs-abuse-survivors

The tears of Smyllum’s children | The Northern Daily Leader 26 Oct 2013 http://www.northerndailyleader.com.au/story/1865562/the-tears-of-smyllums-children/  

Forgotten orphans of Smyllum laid to rest by nuns in umarked graves Sep 14, 2003 http://www.scotsman.com/news/forgotten-orphans-of-smyllum-laid-to-rest-by-nuns-in-umarked-graves-1-1293737

Sisters of no mercy | The Guardian Saturday 12 April 2003

In the pre- and post-war period, orphans were often sent to homes run by religious orders, such as the Sisters of Nazareth. There they found a disciplined regime which, they say, tipped over into violence. Now, decades later, more than 500 former inmates are suing the nuns for damages. Beatrix Campbell reports

   Fred Aitken is 70 years old and still he is haunted by sounds – the racket of children “banging their heads against the walls of the dormitories”. The walls were in a gothic mansion called Nazareth House, an orphanage in Aberdeen where Aitken was dispatched when he was six. There, he says, nuns regularly beat him and made him witness the violent degradation of other children. Sleep was routinely interrupted by their constant checks for children wetting their beds and the beating that followed. One bed-wetter was held out of the window by her ankles as punishment. “You woke up to this thrashing. Nuns with leather straps hanging from their waist beside their rosary beads. The strap was socially acceptable. The excuse is that it was normal in those days.”

Aitken, who now lives near Chester, was taken to Nazareth House after his mother died in the 1930s. He ran away constantly, and in his early teens one of his older sisters, then living in one room, took him in and tried to take care of him. He avoided school, sauntered around shops, cinemas, anywhere warm, until he was picked up and sent to an approved school for “delinquents”. He joined the RAF and although other young men lay in their beds weeping for their mothers, Aitken thrived: the military were “the first people who treated me as a human being. I was clothed, fed, paid a weekly wage. And they didn’t beat me.” Even then Aitken was shadowed by unhappiness. In the 1960s, when he was in his 30s, he sought help. “I told a doctor about the nuns. The man said he thought I was fantasising.” It was only 30 years later, when other Nazareth House survivors began to speak out about their experiences, that his childhood and its bleak effects could no longer be dismissed as his imaginings.

The Poor Sisters of Nazareth were founded in the mid-19th century in Hammersmith, London, to take care of the young and the old. For more than a hundred years, Nazareth Houses all over Britain were home to thousands of children. They aren’t children’s homes any longer. These days the nuns look after old people. And the Poor Sisters aren’t poor (the order has £154m in the bank) – they’ve been rebranded and they’re simply Sisters.

Now the Sisters of Nazareth – the order also has houses in Australia, South Africa, the United States and Ireland – are the subject of an international campaign to call them to account for a regime of violence. In a symbolic trial in Aberdeen in 2000, one nun, known in her childcare days as Sister Alphonso, was convicted of cruel and unnatural treatment. And 40 nuns belonging to the Poor Sisters of Nazareth and the Daughters of Charity of St Vincent de Paul are named in a civil action by more than 500 people, mostly middle-aged or elderly, who are claiming compensation from the orders. It is to be a test case, in which 11 former inmates will appear in court, and is expected to be heard in Scotland later this year.

Ranged against them are the Catholic hierarchy, the asylums’ insurers, who insist that there must be no admission of liability, and a sceptical hauteur that flourishes across the political and legal establishment. It was voiced at the highest level last year when the reforming Lord Chief Justice, Lord Woolf, claimed that many convictions of people accused of abusing children in institutional care were flawed and that the law was in need of review. Archbishop Mario Conti, Scotland’s most senior Catholic churchman, has accused the former Nazareth House inmates of being seekers not of justice but of “pots of gold”.

Six years ago, Joseph Currie was wandering past Nazareth House in Aberdeen, the place where he, too, spent his childhood. In the grounds, he noticed that where once there were playing fields there was now a children’s nursery. Currie was horrified and took himself to the police to tell them about his memories of the place he remembered as the “House of Hell”.

Currie, now in his early 50s, lives in a Glasgow tenement. Everything in his flat is neatly arranged – his shoes, his clothes, his videos, his crockery, his correspondence. Every surface is wiped clean. This is not the work of an obsessive, he says, just typical of an orphan. The military and emergency services found those abandoned, bereaved children attractive recruits because, though they lacked education, they knew how to iron their shirts, polish their shoes and obey orders.

On the shelves around his Victorian tiled fireplace Currie displays old toy fire engines – it was his boyhood ambition to be a firefighter. On the mantelpiece there is a fading photograph of him in a grey bow tie with the queen of the Eurovision Song Contest, Katie Boyle. They’re at the annual bash of the contest’s fan club. Currie is one of the organisers. He is a fast-talking, busy man, a retired postman, “a bit of a cheeky chap, straight to the point”, he says of himself. But though he is active in progressive politics and his music club, says, “I’m also very lonely, I have to admit that.”

He was put in Nazareth House when he was two. According to his social services records, his family was “destitute” and his mother admitted selling a pair of shoes for food. Joseph had been left alone in verminous conditions. But there was worse to come. He remembers Nazareth House as dour and cruel. For years after he left in 1967, he tried to put the place out of his mind. But that walk beside his old home provoked a rush of recollections. “As a precaution, in case I died,” he made a tape-recording and put two pieces of paper in an envelope. The papers showed a copy of a newspaper photograph of Aberdeen’s Nazareth House. He had put a cross by one of the windows in the eaves. On the other piece of paper he mapped all the features of the room behind that window, its pipes, floorboards, walls, doors, a cupboard. He sent the envelope to Cameron Fyfe, a Scottish solicitor, with a note naming the boy with whom he had shared that room. His map also showed a plywood panel, a false wall, and behind that panel, he said, were some significant documents.

Joseph Currie, the orphanage child, had something important to say, but there was no one to tell it to. So he wrote to God. Now, 30 years on, he wanted the police and his solicitor to find those hidden documents because, he believed, they would confirm his recollections of his time at the orphanage. Currie took Cameron Fyfe, other lawyers and Nazareth House officials to the building, to the locked door of his former bedroom. When finally a key was found, they went in: the room was almost as he had left it, and behind a plywood panel there were his childhood documents, exactly as he had predicted.

One of them, dated Sunday April 2, 1967, pledges: “I will keep these promises seen here.” The boy forswears spending his pocket money, bad language and playing at fire engines, but the letter begins with “No Dirt At All”, the ‘No’ underlined many times. “The real meaning of ‘dirt’ was sexual abuse,” Currie says, “I felt dirty. It started when I was about eight. A man who came in as a volunteer to help bath the kids started molesting me in the bath and in the toilets.”

Currie also told his priest about the “dirt” in confession, “but he was deaf and he would say ‘speak up’. I’d come out and all the other boys would be laughing.” He told a teacher about his embarrassment and she suggested that he could go into any church. “So I went to St Mary’s Cathedral in Aberdeen and I said, ‘There’s this man comes to the home and plays with my private parts.’ The priest asked me his name and whether he was still doing it. He said, ‘Pray for him my son.’ He knew the guy because he came to Nazareth House. I thought maybe he’d do something about it. But it didn’t stop the man coming in.” The priest to whom he made his confession, he says, was Father Conti.

Archbishop Conti has strongly denied Currie’s claims, indeed he denies that he ever, “either in the context of confessional or outside the confessional, received any complaint of any kind of abuse relating to the care of children in Nazareth House”. The archbishop also accused Currie of being unreliable. Currie had likened some of his childhood documents to a diary, but the archbishop insists, “only three sheets of paper were found, two containing aspirations Joseph had listed for himself and the other listing the timing of the Benny Hill show on TV”.

Currie is one of the more than 500 bringing the action against the Sisters of Nazareth and the other orders. His childhood memories of the orphanage are filled with emotional and physical terror. He had lost his family, and letters from his siblings and his mother were never given to him. For a minor misdemeanour, children had to kneel down and face the wall of the main corridor while nuns passed. “Some would smack you as they came by. You’d hear their footsteps but you didn’t know who they were. It was a form of mental torture.”

Another inmate, Helen Cusiter, returned to Nazareth House six or seven years ago, to visit a woman who was working there. An unexpected encounter with one of the nuns she’d known when she was at the orphanage – Sister Alphonso – changed her life.

“I started screaming. She asked me to go upstairs and tell her how I was getting on. She started to tell me how wonderful it was working with the old people, but her hands were shaking. She asked, ‘What do you remember about your childhood?’ I said, ‘Every bit.’ She said, ‘I was young at the time and I was just following orders.’ She never said, ‘I’m sorry.’ “

Cusiter fled home from that meeting with the nun. “I had a panic attack – I thought I was having a heart attack. Then there were all these flashbacks.” Her days and nights were haunted. Her own fond family life with her husband and children was swamped by her fears: “What if I was in a crash with my husband and Sister Alphonso got my children? What if I ended up in Nazareth House as an old person?” She became imprisoned in the safety of her own home. She was overwhelmed by shame – ashamed of leaving other children behind, of failing to protect them from harm.

Eventually, four years after her encounter with Sister Alphonso, she went to a solicitor. “He sat, feet on the table, and said there were several options. ‘Is it money you’re after?’ I said no.” Instead she decided to go to the police. “I was passed to the child abuse unit at the age of 39.” That was in 1996. Grampian police advised her to get a lawyer and began to interview other residents, crosschecking dates and names to verify the growing archive of allegations against the order.

Cusiter became one of the former inmates whose evidence initiated the unprecedented criminal prosecution in Scotland in autumn 2000, when Sister Alphonso, appearing as Marie Docherty, was convicted of four charges of cruel and unnatural treatment. Sheriff Colin Harris ordered that several other charges be rejected and said that he would only admonish, rather than imprison, her because of her age and her health.

Cusiter recalls a particular incident when Sister Alphonso came for her while she was playing on swings. “She took me off by the hair, twisted me round and threw me against the church wall,” she says. “She broke all my front teeth, my face was a mashed mess, the other kids were all screaming.” Helen Howie, a 77-year-old woman who had been raised in the orphanage and later worked there as a helper, still remembers the blood on Cusiter’s face. “Sister Alphonso didn’t use leather straps, she used her fists, she had some strength.” When the child was taken to the dentist, he asked, “What’s all this bruising?” She fell, he was told.

Cusiter was eight when her mother disappeared and she and her five brothers and sisters were taken from Glasgow to Aberdeen’s Nazareth House. There were separate quarters for boys and girls, and the siblings were allowed no communication, though they would see each other across a crowded church on Sundays and on the school bus. After leaving Nazareth House, the six were never again in the same room together. Helen’s younger brother grew up a distressed, drifting young man. “Most of the time he was like a recluse. Finally, he took his own life. He told me he’d been sexually abused by a priest. He’d never told anyone. It was so tragic.”

Of her time at the orphanage, Cusiter remembers the raucous insults that came from the mouths of the supposedly pious sisters: “They’d say, ‘No wonder your mother left you… whore… freak… Glasgow trash… I’d have left you… you’re just Glasgow tinks.’ “

Like other inmates, Cusiter vividly recalls night-time. “They’d come round the beds and make sure you were in the right position – flat on your back with arms crossed out of the covers (otherwise you’d be touching yourself). If you were lying on your side, you’d be yanked back. They’d lift the covers to see if your bed was wet. If it was, then you’d be yanked out, called all filthy names.”

Some former residents say they were sexually abused – Cusiter remembers a driver who “would touch up the boys and the girls” and, she says, a child would often be used to keep watch while one of the handymen pursued his sexual relationship with a nun – but most of the cases against the Sisters of Nazareth concern physical violence. Mealtimes, predictably, were the occasion of routine power struggles between nuns and children. Cusiter says she was force-fed: “She’d be pulling your head back, then she’d hold your nose so you couldn’t breathe, until your mouth opened, and she’d shove food in. Then you’d choke and the food would end up on your plate again and she would force-feed you your own vomit. That started from the moment I went in there.”

Other inmates have similar memories. A retired telephonist living in an elegant Glasgow apartment block for senior citizens recalls that “several of the children were force-fed. One of them was my sister. She was three or four years old. I saw it.”

She had been sent with her sisters to Glasgow’s Nazareth House from their home in the Highlands after their mother was diagnosed with tuberculosis, a disease that was still “like a death knell in the 1950s”. She was eight. Her first night was marked by her younger sister’s screams as she was taken off to a separate dormitory. She, too, remembers the nuns’ nocturnal inspections.

“Wetting the bed was a nightmare – they’d strip the covers off and the child would be made to stand with the wet sheets for hours, to set an example. They stood there like ghosts, covered in the wet sheets. My sister didn’t wet the bed at home, but one night she was crying and came to us and said she’d wet the bed. So we swapped our sheets for her, rinsed the wet one out and went to dry it on the radiator. But it was off. So we sat on the sheet to dry it – we were only children. My sister got caned on the hands and the back for that. The nun would roll her sleeves up, so she got a real good whack. I felt she took relish out of that.”

Punishment was perpetually lurking: “You never knew when or what. There is still never a day when my sister does not fear being punished for something. We were just miserable people, that was all.”

Enduring companionship between friends and siblings seemed to be discouraged. Sometimes companions simply disappeared. The retired telephonist has never forgotten the summer of 1955 when the children of Cardonald Nazareth House in Glasgow went to Aberdeen on an exchange. This was their holiday. “We were taken to the beach, it was so grey and wild and windy, we were frozen.” The girls were told to change into their swimsuits while the nuns huddled together in a beach hut. “My sister and her friend Betsy Owens were playing with a beach ball. It blew into the sea and they went into retrieve it, a stupid plastic ball – of course, they wouldn’t have dared do otherwise. Betsy was drowned. We saw her being brought out of the water.”

Her younger sister has never forgotten that day: she could scarcely swim, but managed to grasp a long log. “I held on tight but the waves kept dashing me against the wood and my leg was badly gashed. Eventually I was rescued by a small boat, but it was terrifying.” Her big sister saw her being lifted out of the water, “all cut and bleeding. One of the nuns said: ‘You watch you don’t get blood on your dress or you’ll catch it.’ My sister and I have tried unsuccessfully to follow this up. There was no record of Betsy after that incident, nothing. No prayers. No mass. Nothing.”

The Edinburgh lawyer representing Nazareth House, Dr Pamela Abernathy, insists, “No one still alive who was intimately connected with Nazareth House at the time has any recollection of such an incident, nor are there any records of the death of any child during that period.”

When the retired telephonist recently began to make inquiries about Betsy Owens, the order responded by denying any knowledge that she herself had ever been there that summer. They said there were no records of her presence. It seems that, she, like Betsy Owens, might never have existed. But in her collection of personal records, there is the evidence: a telegram adorned with top hats and lucky horseshoes, addressed to her at Aberdeen’s Nazareth House on August 3, 1955, saying, “Happy Birthday Darling, from Mummy.” She was there.

This woman, like Currie and Cusiter, has joined the civil action against the Sisters of Nazareth because they believe it is the only way of calling the order to account. She and her sisters were in Nazareth House for just 18 months – they left when their father, who regularly made the long trek across the country to see his daughters, suddenly arrived in his work clothes to take them away. To this day, she doesn’t know what had so alarmed him – all visits were patrolled by nuns who remained in the room, like sentries. The children didn’t speak about what had happened, “none of us did, believe it or not”. But it left the family with inconsolable sadness. “We had wonderful parents. Right to her death, Mum kept saying, ‘If only I hadn’t got ill.’ She thought it was her fault. It broke her heart.” Her father took the child to the local priest “to explain what he’d discovered and how angry he was for his children, but the priest never took it up”.

Her own efforts to challenge the hierarchy of the church have been distressing and her association with the public campaign against the Sisters enraged other members of her congregation. “I was spat on. After we pray, we shake hands, but one woman refused and said I was bringing the church down. I said, ‘No, this is about crimes against children.’ “

She is outraged by suggestions that her motivation is securing compensation. “I didn’t want money. We have tried every way to get the church to accept what happened, but they’ve done nothing. Nothing. These are major things, the experience was a severe danger to people’s lives.” She points out that “15 members of my group have taken their own lives. I am all right, I’m surviving. I don’t need financial help. Money would never take away what happened – God’s representatives on earth behaving in such an appalling manner.” She had worried about what had happened for years. “I need answers, not just about Betsy but about the whole damned thing. I telephoned Cardinal Winning, and asked him to do something about all the things that were coming to light about Nazareth House. He said very little, I would have liked him just to say sorry. He wasn’t prepared to accept that it was the truth. I felt terrible all over again.”

Kathleen Batey, a 47-year-old cleaner living near Newcastle United Football Club’s mighty stadium, is not one of the campaigners seeking legal redress. She has never consulted lawyers, nor sought compensation from the church. “I don’t want their money,” she says. “I just want it out of my mind.” And, like all of those involved in the civil action, she wants to have her story heard.

Kathleen Batey’s back is lined with a ladder of scars – they are the relics of her life at Nazareth House in Tyneside, received, she says, when nuns took off the belts buckled round their habits and beat her. She was sent to the orphanage, with her brother, when she was five – her grandmother had just died, her mother had left, and her father felt he could not take care of the children. She remembers Nazareth the house as “spooky, horrible”. She, too, remembers children being force-fed, and also being required to work. “There was a big polished floor, it was really polished. They’d cut up woollen jumpers and we had to put them on our feet and we had to skate on the floor and make sure the shine came up. If you did it wrong, you got a clip.” Or worse. “The nuns would take off the belt and just hit you with it. It was just the routine.”

The punishments accelerated, she says, after she and her brother began running away. In vain, they’d find their father, but before long the police would turn up to take them back. Their father didn’t stop them: “I thought there was nobody. Dad didn’t want us, nobody loved us, no one took care of us.” The violence in the orphanage didn’t seem exceptional to her, just part of life.

What often makes detection of childhood abuse difficult for the police is that it’s an adult’s word against a child’s, and there often isn’t any surviving physical evidence (a sign, say the sceptics, that abuse didn’t happen or that it didn’t cause any harm). This may be qualified in cases of alleged institutional abuse because there is sometimes a chain of corroboration. Cameron Fyfe says there’s no great problem of proof in this case: individuals who have not seen each other for years, who may scarcely remember each other, are corroborating each other’s narratives. They are recalling what were, after all, very public regimes of pain and punishment.

The survivors have to get past the argument that the religious orders merely delivered the discipline that was standardised, sanctioned and universal in those days. The Sisters of Nazareth lawyer, Dr Abernathy, points out that Nazareth Houses were overseen by local authorities and by the government. There were frequent visits by “children’s officers, town councillors, inspectors, including doctors and psychologists from the home and health department”.

None the less, there have been scandals and debates within the church about the ill-treatment of children for decades. Eoin O’Sullivan, the Irish historian of Catholic orphanages and schools, cites a very public challenge to the church by Father Flanagan, the priest whose humane childcare was the model for Spencer Tracy in the film, Men Of Boys Town. This embarrassed both church and state in the 1940s. “Violence was an intrinsic part of the culture of these institutions,” O’Sullivan says; they were committed to the “destruction of will”. He has unearthed state archives revealing many complaints about cruelty and inspectors’ concerns about “dangerous and undesirable punishment”. Violent discipline, he says, was not uncontested.

Father Tindall, the church’s child protection coordinator in the north-east of England, ventured: “Too much of the organised culture of the church was very disciplined and rule-bound, and gave an opportunity for people under pressure to use the language of discipline to be punitive.”

What was it, though, that caused such cruelty by women? Sister Margaret McCurtain, a glinting Dominican scholar and one of Ireland’s best-known Catholic reformers, suggests the “sexual oppression of nuns could emerge later in the form of cruelty”. She also comments that the very notion of charity was “a virtue that never brought with it affectivity.” Feminist scholar Ailbhe Smyth adds, “Christianity tells us that we have to help the poor, but we don’t have to like them. It is a Christian duty, for your greater glory, not theirs. There is, in this context, an absence of any recognition that tenderness should be the norm in relations between adults and children.”

The orphanage survivors’ civil case must show that their complaints refer not just to rogue nuns but to a regime for which the order itself was responsible. Cameron Fyfe insists that similar stories have surfaced against the Sisters of Nazareth in Australia and Ireland, where their practices, such as the response to bed-wetting and the force-feeding, “were very similar and esoteric”. Fyfe argues that the cultures of orphanages and schools tend to be specific and different – he also represents clients who were in the hands of the de la Salle monks in Britain, against whom there are more allegations of sexual abuse than there are against the Nazareth House nuns.

The Nazareth House children face another difficulty: the time bar. “After a real struggle, we have persuaded the legal aid board to support 11 test cases,” says Fyfe. All of these concern allegations of ill-treatment after 1964. The current limit on cases before that date is being challenged in the courts, and members of the Scottish parliament are mooting a change in the law. If that fails, Fyfe intends to take the challenge to the European Court of Human Rights.

Cases are being compiled in England, too, though there seems to be some reluctance to prosecute physical abuse. Sex with children is a crime, but “reasonable chastisement is still a lawful reason for inflicting pain on children,” explains David Spicer, a barrister and former chair of the British Association for the Study and Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect.

Dr Abernathy denies the allegations of cruelty and abuse, and argues that for 130 years the Sisters of Nazareth “devoted their entire lives to the care of orphans, abandoned children, children from broken homes and in many cases children referred from the courts. Many of these unfortunate children suffered consequential emotional disturbance, and some of them no other institutions would accept.”

Francis Docherty is 58 and runs a helpline, Historical Survivors of In-Care Abuse, whose cases include people as old as 95 who are still suffering, still searching for their lost brothers and sisters, still trying to sort things out. He was brought up in Smyllum Park orphanage in Lanark, run by the Daughters of Charity of St Vincent de Paul. “The horrifying thing was that being hurt by implements was bad enough, but to see a holy person, a righteous person with – I don’t want to exaggerate – a face full of hate, an angelic, holy face turning into a face of horror, a woman crunching her teeth in hate, going berserk, screaming while you are pleading for mercy, the wee leather boots just booting into you. Bruises go away, but the horror stays in your mind.”

Docherty, too, has joined the action against the Daughters of Charity and the Sisters of Nazareth. “This isn’t revenge against the Catholic church, we just want them to come out of denial. They’ve always ruled by fear. It’s their power mania. These people told you that you were the scum of the earth. Maybe you started to believe it.”

Docherty worked for most of his life as a driver, and for as many years he has been “in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I haven’t taken a drink for more than five years,” he says. He is never surprised by attempts to discredit people like himself. “We’ve had a lifetime of being accused of being liars and cheats, searching for a pot of gold.” Archbishop Conti has not only accused the victims of seeking pots of gold, he has told them that, “on your part, there is a need to forgive”. That’s not up to the Archbishop, says Docherty. “It’s up to us whether we want to forgive. Give us an apology. All we want is for the Catholic church to change its ways and let us live in peace.”

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2003/apr/12/religion.childprotection http://archive.li/Zxf7L

Blogs/Websites

Smyllum Park orphanage. The UK & Ireland Database  https://theukdatabase.com/uk-child…/smyllum-park-orthanagechildrens-home/

The Children’s Homes website – Smyllum Orphanage  http://www.childrenshomes.org.uk/LanarkSmyllum/

Smyllum Park, Lanark | theneedleblog   https://theneedleblog.wordpress.com/operation-greenlight/…/smyllum-park-lanark/

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