#which is incredibly wrong and misguided for so many reasons but i'm not going to explain it at length when it's been done sm times before

[sunspira]

i actually wanna be clear that i know for sure that if i grew up jewish in 2010-2015 i would have been misguided in the same way a lot of tumblr was then not realizing how much propaganda about israel had been fed to me. the people who used to have a different perspective and used to believe in a lot of zionist propaganda, genuinely believing it made sense, but changed their minds due to recent events i love and respect you so much. it's really only the people on here who were parroting zionist propaganda back then but in recent months have only since doubled down and played the victim fuck you in particular

because it IS mixed in with the truth and the elements of truth combined with a lot of programming from well meaning people and encountering that your whole life actually is a genuinely confusing process because you have to unpack the valid points from the invalid ones which will take many years. like the kind of racism that is embraced in liberal spaces can be tricky for a very young adult especially when many neo nazis are vocally anti israel just for all the wrong reasons. so it seems like you're on the right side? when there's so much fact from fiction to break apart. (like true: jewish people wanting a homeland and refuge is very understandable (many other refuge diaspora living in america can relate to this), jewish people still have a lot of personal and cultural connection to their ancestral homeland that was once israel and it makes a lot of sense to want to visit or do a pilgrimage there or even move there. to palestine. to join palestine and become a citizen. it's true that antisemitism fueled zionism that religious & ethnic minority have been incredibly persecuted in both the middle east and europe and displaced. some jewish culture and art overlaps with palestinian culture on its own naturally due to common ancestors. and false: palestinian culture is interchangeable with jewish culture and any jewish person can grab from the art and culture of the modern levant like accessories cause it's yours now / your parents claimed it during their birthright trip so that's fine and not colonialism at all, mizrahi jewish peoples cultures are basically yours to play with. israel is exactly the same as the united states and the false idea that 400 years of colonialism and ethnic cleansing should be compared as exactly the same to 70 years of it and seen as equally unreasonable and a lost hope to change now so the only reason there's a push to prevent the same extent of genocide befalling palestine while we still can is antisemitism. everyone shut it and accept the two state solution.)

basically i'm saying i know for sure i was very ignorant on many things back then too and i'm sure i would have been in the same boat spreading zionist talking points without realizing how wrong i was. i'm sure i would have not understood the complexity of all this when this very effective propoganda would have been targeting my family and community for generations i wouldve heard so many reputable people in and out of the jewish community saying the two state solution is reasonable (i'm pretty sure i heard this a lot from gentile people i trusted and my parents have always been very clueless or middle ground unoppinionated about all things israel & Palestine. i always remember my mom meeting some shopkeepers running a bath and body boutique in martha's vineyard who said they were from israel and my mom was like "omg cool my dad was from lebanon 😄" all happy like oh! a neighbor. and they frowned at her so hard until she left the store jdjfjebf and my dad had to pull her aside and be like. don't go telling people that stuff if they are from israel they don't like lebanon very much. my dads family in NJ was always more involved with the local jewish community than any italian one because personality and profession wise i think that's just where they fit in and what the chemical and computer engineering scene looked like in the 50s 60s & 70s. i always got the impression the blue collar machismo italian american family was just a very alienating and poor match for my classically nerdy granpa and he found friends in other scenes that he could relate to. this guy was always mistaken for being jewish all his life and found it to be a compliment & just funny and was a member of a jewish gym or rec center or this and that, cause he liked it there and tbh i admire his embracing of others of whatever felt good and just focusing on being a person with lack of ethnic tribalism that runs pretty deep with many southern italian families. and white middle class gentile american discourse and propoganda is very pro israel so that was my family's relationship with it jewish or not. my lebanese grandpa was a proud veteran of world war 2 and very patriotic so if america was pro-israel that's how he was going to be too. all this to say i sure as hell didn't have any guidance growing up about israel being wrong if anything passive support of it and it took time to figure out my opposition to it on my own. at 18 i was still deeply ingrained in american propoganda and passive racism and patriotism in the midst of questioning and rejecting that stuff and grappling with seeing bad things in people i love so i don't expect my peers from the same or similar background to be any different)

so if you once had views supporting israel and don't anymore i don't dislike or judge you for it i really don't. some people might and i get that but like me personally I was nearly as clueless and have no place judging your for stuff i know would have mislead me at the time. i don't dislike or judge you for having gone on a birthright trip 10 years ago when you were 18 and everything you knew about the world was telling you that's completely fine and not harmful at all! i know i would have done the same.

[homemade-ghosts]

Hi! Lovely account and your theme is AWESOME. You know how many rinas think Ricky is going to cry because 1) See a PW 'moment' 2) Confess and gets 'rejected'. I have something different: What if he sees Gina crying and comforts her (maybe even a hug? trying to wip her tears? ( ˘︹˘ )) But that makes him realize he could never get between PW so decides to 'step back forever' and then boom super angst next episode

First off, thank you, that's really sweet of you to say!

I'm not sure I understand your theory. Do you mean that you think pw will have a fight and Ricky will see Gina crying afterwards and comfort her? & because Ricky is afraid that he somehow caused the fight (since he's very aware of EJ's jealousy & knows he's been a point of contention in pw's relationship basically since he got to camp, even though he's tried his best not to be). Ricky can't bear to see Gina upset and, feeling as though he indirectly caused it, he tries to distance himself (which he has to know won't work because they're playing romantic leads and have to see each other every day for rehearsal lol)

If that's what you're saying, I see where you're coming from. If I got that totally wrong, let me know (& I'm sorry!)

For what it's worth, I'm pretty firmly in the camp of "Ricky overhears a pw moment." as of right now. After Color Wars, maybe Ricky tries to find Gina (maybe he wants to check in with her after their team loses? Since he knows how much her competitive nature can make losing hard for her? Or maybe there was tension between EJ & Ricky during the games and Ricky wants to talk to Gina about it, apologize in case it made her uncomfortable? Or, something a lot bigger: even though he resolved not to tell Gina about his feelings, to put her happiness above his own, Channing's got him on candid camera admitting to crushing on Gina, so now he might feel like he has to tell her. Before she finds out from someone else or, even worse, before she sees it in the documentary. Not so sure about that one, but it's a possibility). Anyway, for whatever reason, Ricky goes to find Gina and stumbles upon a conversation between her & EJ. The way I see it, that conversation is one of two things:

Instead of apologizing for lying/keeping things from her, EJ tells Gina he loves her.

This feels very on brand for EJ. In season 1, he thought that his love/care for Nini justified him poisoning Emily Pratt so that Nini could get the lead in the musical and this season is well into establishing that EJ is back to his season 1 self (though I would argue he never really changed in the first place). Instead of an apology, I could see EJ telling Gina that he hid that letter from her because he "loves her" and didn't want to see her upset. He sees love as a bandaid to put over his mistakes. He doesn't try to fix them, doesn't say he's sorry. Just says those 3 words, hoping it'll make everything magically okay again...because the ends always justify the means if you love someone, right? (Wrong.)

The show has also gone out of its way to get us to see EJ as the Hans of this narrative and we all know Hans was lying when he told Anna he loved her. Of course, EJ wouldn't tell Gina he loves her with malicious intent or because he's trying to manipulate her the way Hans did Anna. He may look like one, according to Corbin, but EJ is not a villain here. He just has the same incredibly misguided ideas about love and doing the right thing that he has always had. If you take away the villain aspect of it, however, the bare bones of the two stories are the same: Hans told Anna he loved her, but he didn't. EJ tells Gina he loves her, but he doesn't. Not really.

You can't love someone you don't truly know, someone you don't understand and I think Gina would/will recognize that, but maybe Ricky runs off before she does? After EJ's confession of love, Ricky can't take it anymore. He leaves, heads back to his cabin. He never heard Gina's response, so he operates on the assumption that she must've reciprocated. He thinks, she loves EJ, not me. It's never going to be me. Cue Jet walking into the Yurt Locker to find Ricky, lying on the top bunk, in tears.

2. Ricky overhears Gina reassuring EJ that she doesn't have feelings for Ricky anymore.

Same thing happens, Ricky runs back to his cabin and, thinking that he's completely lost his chance with Gina, forever, he cries in his bunk. Jet walks in and Ricky tells Jet some of that "full story" mentioned episodes before.

Both options end with Ricky crying because I'll be damned if I had to watch almost an entire season of Gina crying last year and don't get at least one scene of tears streaming down Ricky's face this season. It's payback lol (+ I need him to be in his "Kristoff's Lullaby" era).

Side note: I apologize because I've just now realized I turned your ask into a vehicle for my own theories. As usual, I got carried away. Sorry about that!

#watch me be completely wrong though lol #again sorry for the long post that you didn't ask for and probably didn't want #asks #anon #rina

[demonboyhalo]

BTW you can stop seeing my ABSURD amount of reblogs on your feed by filtering out #long post !!!!

so, bc i keep seeing hilarious tags/reblogs like these, here is my Official List of Bad Hot Takes on how "problematic" the DSMP is inspired by @/wooteena. I'm using this post to reblog in a future case where Twitter impossibly decides to have genuine discourse about any of these topics (lets hope i don't have to use my Prophet tag on this one gamers 🤞)

i custom made you for a very specific meme weeks ago but call upon you time and time again apollo DNI banner <3 hopefully you do your job

#drama tw #discourse tw #ask if you want any other tags on this post!! #trying to keep y'all feed /lh is very poggers #twitter #dsmp #if you don't know about my prophecy tag...too often i make shitposts/tags about plot points right before they Genuinely Happen #sometimes it's hilarious #often it's tragic #....lets see how this post ages KEKW #dream smp #mcyt #also also also!! #a lot of the time the jokes people make about 'let's hope twitter doesn't cancel me' are dumb and poking fun at people who raise sincere - #-concerns about real issues that effect minorities that are ignored in favor of the comfortable majority #i dont want to give the impression that im entirely unaware of that bc dw i unfortunately am Very Aware #but. like i've stated before....there are Real Twitter Stans (not just fakes made by antis) #who believe that Eret the Chill Builds Streamer is somehow just the most homophobic and bigoted CC #which is incredibly wrong and misguided for so many reasons but i'm not going to explain it at length when it's been done sm times before #and the only people still making 'eret literally called me a [insert slur] get away from him [favorite CC] i can fix you' jokes #are middel schoolers. i'm sorry you have to go through that too buddy but goodness it hurts to read sometimes #anyways stay sane yall ill try and be more positive in my funnies now that i have much less to stress about IRL lmao

[bookwyrminspiration]

(pyro here! i feel like this is...very ramble-y and i apologize if this doesn't make sense, and no obligation to post if it all feels like i'm just going in circles or for any other reason)

this could just be me, but i find keeper to be so interesting in so many ways but mostly because of how little actual good guys and bad guys there are, if that makes sense? it doesn't seem like it on the surface, and the story seems rather clear-cut if you don't think about it too hard, but there's no character or group in the series that's completely perfect and hasn't done anything wrong ever, iirc? like, the council is very obviously not too pressed over whether their actions are morally right and they're the government of a species that's supposedly all about being righteous, and neither are the black swan nor neverseen, which i find really interesting to look at, especially when the protagonists start to realize these things and question them, outwardly or inwardly.

and even any developed individual characters aren't clear-cut. yes, sophie is our protagonist, but she's also an arsonist that frequently breaks the laws of her world and has nearly started a war by breaking a treated because she was curios as to what was in an ogre king's mind. linh is- well, she's the token nice asian girl, but she also flooded an entire city, twice, and has most definitely killed people. dex may not have done anything really wrong, but he still created the ability restrictor, a device that put his best friend through days/weeks of torment, all because he was happy to recieve attention from the council. and that's just three of the main characters.

and i'm under the impression you really don't care about the council (which is fine and totally valid!) but it's still so interesting how the three important characters from there follow this as well. oralie was revealed to be sophie's mother meaning she committed treason and should probably be in exile, kenric was actively hiding important information from oralie (and knew about her being sophie's mother and therefor was a willing accomplice to treason and should also be in exile), and bronte has gotten...better(?) in the later books? maybe?

i suppose im wishing that shannon will deliver on this in the future, but im not really getting my hopes up. sophie is very interesting, but the books have always framed her actions as the right ones to take, no matter how terrible the consequences could've been, and they definitely frame the rest of the "good guys" as, well, good people who do good things, which isn't exactly true in most cases. i just...i guess i find it really interesting. i'd also be interested to hear your thoughts on this! on the surface, keeper really does seem like a rather basic series, but it's cool how if you dig even just a little deeper you start getting messy.

hello pyro !! nothing to apologize for, I love rambling! and you are in luck because I happen to have so many thoughts about everything all of the time.

and I agree with you! When you first think of keeper—or at least when I do—I seems very black and white, even bland at times in terms of the interest of the characters and the aspects of their world. Especially when you’re an older reader and have since read more adult books with more complex characters. Which is common. Because these are middle grade series and there’s more limitations of what topics authors can reasonably cover. They’re being careful. Because their audience are young and impressionable and despite their best efforts may be influenced subconsciously. So they have to lay things out more clearly, explaining that actions are bad when adult readers can put that together themselves.

(I know there are a lot of younger people in this fandom so let me clarify: I am not saying you are incapable of critical thought. However, thorough analysis becomes easier with experience, and adults and older readers will often have more experience with this than you. We’ve also had more time to figure out our own opinions and morals. This is not meant to put you down, just remind you that there are inevitable differences between us).

Back to what you were saying, pyro, despite its appearance, when you take a closer look there’s actually not a lot of black and white—or at least not as much as you’d think. I know there’s a canon line where Sophie says something like “the Black Swan were…the good guys?” (paraphrased from the first book). Which makes sense because at this point in time she’s twelve, where it makes sense for her to have that very black and white mindset. Good and bad. Pleasant and unpleasant. it’s a very all nothing mindset, which I know I also had at that age. But as she’s grown older in the series, she’s thinking about things from a more mixed perspective. She’s bargaining with herself and deciding what’s worth what and if the consequences are worth the risks, making decisions she likely would’ve condemned earlier in her life. Like setting the storehouse on fire. That’s a very loaded and controversial decision from her. It’s neither good nor bad. It accomplishes something she wants—sending the Neverseen scrambling and setting them back—and she decided that was worth the consequences—burning potential information and doing something that might’ve been previously against her morals. It’s not the “right” decision to make. It’s just the decision she makes.

We see this a lot with Black Swan too. I’m actually going to bring their oath into this: “I will do everything in my power to help my world.” It seems simple and straightforward at first, but thinking about it, there’s no qualifications for what “help” means. And there’s no limit on what they’ll do, just that they’ll do it if they’re capable. This leaves it open for a lot of morally questionable decisions, like creating Sophie. Did creating Sophie help their world? She’s already started to make positive changes (like at Exillium) and she’s not done yet, so you could say yes she’s helping. And they were capable of bringing her into existence. So they did. It was in their power and it helped, so they did. Despite using Emma’s body, despite forcing Sophie into this situation.

with the Neverseen, they seem more like misguided anti-heroes (if I’m using that term right), doing “bad” things for “good” reasons. Fintan is making these bold statements and undermining the council, actions viewed as negative, to try and highlight the unfair discrimination in their system and reform it—a motive one could consider reasonable and positive.

as for the council, the most notable event this applies to is Sophie’s ability restrictor in Everblaze. This was not supported by everyone else, actively hurting out main protagonist, but their reasoning was generally sound. Sophie had already broken several laws at this point as was causing unrest in their society, the one they’re supposed to govern. And she’d used her abilities yet again to go against those rules, this time with incredible serious consequences. So if she refuses to listen, what do you do? Take away those abilities. Keep her from hurting this society further. There are more specific examples of this, like Oralie and Kenric’s cache, but this is getting long so i can talk about those later if you’d like /g

part of what is intriguing about these characters is how they’re not so black and white on the surface despite the world seeming to be so easily divided into good and bad, so it’s fascinating to talk about how those parts are actually displayed. You brought up a lot of really good topics and I love talking about this!! /g

if you’d like me to expand on any specific part more or have more thoughts of your own to share, you’re more than welcome to send another ask <33

#I kinda zoned out there just talking about the characters #so I don’t remember everything I said #but damn do I have So Many Thoughts #character analysis my beloved #pyro you’re incredible #I love you /p #if you’re comfortable with that #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc fandom #kotlc character analysis #long post #quil’s queries #nonsie #anonymous #pyrokinetic-loser

[itsclydebitches]

(1/?) I'm curious as to your thoughts: was there a good way to write Ironwood as CRWBY intended him, 'fundamentally good person shows signs of instability and a worrying commitment to the idea that everyone should be willing to make a sacrifice as long as he is, takes this to unacceptable extremes when a great sacrifice is called for'? I've been reading all these posts that actually make it seem like a coherent character arc, and I don't consider myself a 'bootlicker' or someone who

Always happy to explain my thoughts! Though Ironwood’s situation is incredibly complicated and I’m tired as hell right now, so apologies if this attempt at working through things is more than a little messy… 

You’re right that Salem herself fundamentally changes the heart of the “well-meaning but ultimately misguided general” setup. Meaning, normally when we see a character like Ironwood, someone military-minded and driven by pragmatism, whoever it is they’re fighting against is us. It’s a war against other humans, or at least another intelligent (and sympathetic) form of life. Ironwood’s attempted archetype here relies heavily on the assumption that he’s taking things too far when there are better, more peaceful options open to him. No, general, don’t nuke all those people even though we’re at war with them because they’re still people. No, general, don’t blow up the alien ship even though you perceive them as a threat because they feel just like we do and I, the protagonist, believe that I can make peace with them. Though RWBY doesn’t have quite that same conflict—everyone agrees that Salem needs to go—it’s nevertheless worth acknowledging that his archetype is built on a history of unsympathetic characters… who are unsympathetic because they’re choosing to harm others for needless reasons. The hardened military general is an antagonist because he takes the violent route either due to greed or a lust for power. He makes sacrifices not because they are truly necessary, but because they’re easier or better for him. He believes that this violence/sacrifice is the only answer when the audience can clearly see another, better route. Think characters like Miles Quaritch from Avatar whose goal is, ultimately, to force a peaceful people out of their home/outright kill them in order to gain access to a natural resource on their world. Even if there is, broadly speaking, a “good” reason for doing this (humanity needs that resource to solve their energy crisis) there’s no confusion that his reasons are far from justified and that he’s taken things way too far. Not only because gaining resources is, you know, not a reason to kill people, but also because Jake Sully, our hero, provides him with alternative routes that he then rejects. These people are peaceful. We can negotiate with them… but Quaritch says no. 

So this is, broadly speaking, the archetype Ironwood and Team RWBY are thrust into. He’s the general supposedly taking things too far and they’re the heroes standing in his way. Problem is, RWBY’s enemy isn’t a sympathetic, potential victim. The grimm are literally mindless beasts and Salem is a classic Big Bad. She might have a tragic backstory now, but that hasn’t impacted how we read her as a threat. She isn’t another group of humans we should be making peace with. She’s not an alien race who we just have to extend a hand to. Defeating her—in a literal way—is thus far the only possible route and that undermines the archetype Rooster Teeth wants to chuck Ironwood into. He can’t be the cold-hearted military man choosing violence over peace when peace is simply not an option.

So we have a setup where every single one of Ironwood’s decisions is automatically both sane and justified because there is an immortal grimm queen trying to kill them. And she cannot be reasoned with. Extra security? No duh you want that. Suspicious of others? No shit Beacon fell precisely because it was infiltrated. Making sacrifices? What else is there to do except roll over and let Salem win? The options presented to him were “make sacrifice” or “everyone absolutely dies” so no, in this case the sacrifice is not deemed “unnecessary” and therefore something that we can criticize him for. Ironwood is not fighting a powerful but also potentially sympathetic enemy, inviting a perspective that his actions may be too severe in the face of that threat. Salem isn’t a Darth Vader who is going to turn back to the light when she sees her child. She isn’t a Sauron with a convenient Achille’s heel (as of yet anyway) thereby inviting an easy solution that doesn’t risk too many lives. The grimm are not the Klingons who, if you just take the time to know their culture, you can find common ground with. They and Salem are more akin to the Borg: a relentless, unreachable, immortal force that seeks only to destroy everything. She is RWBY’s devil and thus by default any question along the lines of, “But should Ironwood really have..?” is answered with an emphatic “Yes.” Because the only other option is total annihilation for the entire world, not just the one city you’re worried about. RWBY’s villain is such a massive, unarguable threat that the setup doesn’t allow debate in regards to what’s going “too far.” By having Team RWBY and Oscar parrot those views from other stories they just come off as sounding naive, foolish, and arrogant. Salem is not an enemy that you just need to try really hard to beat in battle. She is currently immortal. She is not someone you just need to talk down. She will annihilate you and laugh while doing it. “Unnecessary sacrifice” only exists in a world where you have a chance of taking another route with success. RWBY hasn’t provided that route yet. 

Thus, most military archetypes don’t have to face the level of threat that Ironwood does. In fact, their status as antagonists largely relies on the belief that the threat isn’t severe enough to warrant whatever horrific order they’re giving. Rooster Teeth has written a character based on tropes that do not work within the scenario they’ve set up… and a good chunk of the fandom aren’t critical enough viewers to see the disconnect. They just watch that collection of tropes and characteristics and fill in the blank based on what they know from the rest of popular culture. Like a really messed up Mad Lib. “Ah! I recognize this character! He’s a military man. He’s strict at times. He’s taking control of a situation and achieving that with an army. This is all a Bad Thing and I know that because I’ve seen it a thousand times before in a thousand different stories. The powerful military man is the antagonist and the heroes are the ones who fight for the marginalized!” And thus the viewer is encouraged to prioritize that assumed reading over the actual context of this particular story. Few are willing to admit that “Leaving marginalized people behind because otherwise we will all be slaughtered” is not the same situation as something like “Outright attacking a marginalized people because I want something from them. Or abandoning them because I just don’t care.” They see the basic, surface characteristics and think they know the answer to this story. Team RWBY = good and Ironwood = bad. 

That’s only the tip of the problem though. It’s a big problem, but literally every step of the way Rooster Teeth would need to change things if they actually wanted to give Ironwood this arc in a way that made any sense: 

They would need to change how they portray Mantle going all the way back to Volume 4 because we knew straight out of the Fall that Mantle has had a lot of problems for a very long time. That’s not all on Ironwood—it’s not possible for it all to be on Ironwood—and thus it’s neither correct nor fair to paint Mantle’s dystopian-like state as his doing, as we saw at the beginning of Volume 7. 

They would need to convince us that Ironwood is actually paranoid/being overly cautious, rather than what we actually have which is… completely logical safety measures against everything that has done them in up until now. Everything Ironwood implements is in direct response to something that killed people or felled a school. 

The story would need to give Ironwood better solutions that he then rejects. Obviously this is crucial for the leaving Mantle situation. As I’ve said numerous times before, you can’t paint Ironwood as a horrific person for following the only plan they had. “Stay to die” is not a plan. If they wanted him to read as in the wrong for leaving, Team RWBY needed to give him a good reason to stay, one that doesn’t automatically equal everyone dying, especially when Ironwood’s own solution is “save at least some.” However, this also needed to happen in regards to Amity. The fandom keeps pointing out that Ironwood took resources from Mantle, painting it as this cruel and awful thing… without acknowledging the necessity of that. Or that our heroes likewise demanded that he finish. Ruby is equally responsible for taking those resources. Again, if they want to paint Ironwood as unhinged and cruel in his decision, they need to provide him with alternatives: “Hey, general! Why don’t we just use these other resources instead?” “No. They must come from Mantle.” or “Hey, general! We’re just going to let you know that finishing Amity is fundamentally useless because you can’t defeat Salem with a giant army. Maybe stop taking resources now.” “No. I don’t believe you. I’m going to forge ahead with my own plans, ignoring this new information.” Neither of these things happened. We weren’t told that there was another way to build Amity and Ironwood wasn’t told that his plan was flawed… making his decision both necessary and justified, given what he knew. To my mind, Team RWBY is far more responsible for Mantle’s state since they encouraged that drain on the resources while knowing the use of those resources wouldn’t achieve what Ironwood assumed it would. Which, while failing to paint them as heroic, likewise undermines Ironwood’s supposed villainy. Why do we hate him for this again…. when Ruby is doing the exact same thing…? 

They would need to have established, all the way back in Volume 2 and onward, a personality that allows for him to go to certain extremes, such as shooting Oscar. I don’t have the energy to dive into this one in great detail right now, but suffice to say the fandom has decided to horrendously miss-characterize Ironwood in an effort to justify an illogical action based on what we know about him. I’ve seen the “He once said he would shoot Qrow!” so often I’m literally astounded by the reach there, but I’m also seeing a lot of “Ironwood has never shown any sympathy towards children!” Which… okay. The absence of interaction is not proof of hatred. Meaning, having watched seven volumes in which Ironwood doesn’t interact with kids only tells us we don’t know how he feels about kids, not that he obviously despises them. A lack of scenes wherein Ironwood expresses his adoration for everyone under the age of twenty is not evidence for dislike, nor more than making a claim like, “Well Ruby obviously hates pears” would be. Why would she hate pears? Because we’ve never once, ever, heard her say that she likes them. She’s never spoken positively about them. Never stood up for them! So clearly they’re her least favorite food. Sound ridiculous? Same situation here. To say nothing of the fact that we do see Ironwood interacting positively with kids, if we define “kids” as “characters significantly younger than him.” We watched him desperately protect large groups of students at Beacon. Stand up for Weiss at the party despite how much that threatened his political situation with Jacques (as seen in Volume 7). Send Yang an expensive new arm purely because he knows what it’s like to lose a limb. The narrative has gone out of its way to demonstrate how kind and compassionate Ironwood is, all of which would need to be changed—if not outright erased—to give us someone capable of shooting Oscar like that. 

The fact that the fandom chooses to ignore characterization doesn’t mean it’s not there and that characterization, at its core, fundamentally hinders the “military man goes off the deep end” archetype. Because Ironwood is nothing like his parallels in popular culture. His situation is not one that he can resolve peacefully. He was not given better options that he then rejected. He has never been a cold, manipulative, cruel person. Honestly, if they wanted to write this arc then they needed someone other than James Ironwood living in the world of RWBY. We’d need a different kind of war and a different character introduced all those volumes ago. Because as it is, the story Rooster Teeth wanted to tell simply isn’t a story fit for the Ironwood and the Remnant they created. 

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #smallerthanzer0

[wr1t3-my-wr0ngs]

Good Soldiers - chapter 4/4

Remembering Yesterday’s Tomorrow (In the Here and Now): Part 4 COMPLETED

Rex isn't happy with resorting to Plan B, however, he's not surprised that Plan A didn't work out. Disappointed, but he knew that it was a long shot getting a Jedi to intervene.

At least Plan B has the benefit of working before, but it will still be a bloodbath. Not even the best of troops can hope to match an armed and trained force user, and it's not vanity when he says that his men are the best.

He felt like a cheat when he had described the plan earlier.

"We lead him to the nearest Vixus."

"You want us to go near one of those things on purpose?"

Rex couldn't blame the men for their incredulity, not after one of the creatures had nearly eaten almost every person in the room only hours before. He's not exactly thrilled at going near the sarlac-like thing either. But they aren't fast enough to take Krell in a fair fight, not with his four lightsabers and absolute willingness to maim anyone in his path. (Too many limbs, too much speed, too little empathy.)

Every word from his lips felt like a lie, a stolen idea that he parroted as his own. In a way, they were. It had been Tup who had thought of using the Vixus to capture Krell, a stroke of genius that had ended a horrific fight, and it grates that Rex can’t give the trooper the recognition he deserves.

"What the Captains trying to say, " Fives chimed in after watching Rex flounder for a moment. "Is that we need this to be on our terms. He's not going to come quietly if he is a traitor."

Rex nodded, both in thanks and in confirmation.

"If you think you have a shot, take it. The faster the fight is over, the better it will be for everyone, but we need to aim to arrest him if possible."

"And if we can't?"

"Have your recorders on and let the bastard incriminate himself."

In true GAR fashion, the plan had spread like wildfire, and soon enough, every last soldier knew their task.

Rex hardly needs to issue the orders, but he does anyway, following the formalities because he knows that, despite what General Skywalker may sometimes claim, appearances and regulations do count.

The ride up the tower is quiet, and from the corner of his eye, Rex can see a few of the younger troops nervously adjust the grip on their blasters. He has to fight the urge to fidget or even reach up and place a hand over his ring, doing his best to project confidence for both the men and himself.

Krell is waiting for them, facing the window, one set of hands clasped behind his back.

"CT-7567, explain yourself."

Rex readies his blasters, switching off the safeties and aims at the Besalisk.

"Pong Krell, you are under arrest for treason against the Grand Army of the Republic and the Galactic State which it serves. Do you comply peacefully?"

Krell turns, malice written in his face and eyes.

"You know, I'm surprised you were able to figure it out for a clone. Tell me, when did you first suspect?"

Rex ignores the question, refusing to be goaded by the man before him any more than he already has.

"Do you comply?" He puts more force into his words than before, using a tone of voice he would never dare to use on a commanding officer.

Krell looks around, almost lazily, and takes in the various troopers - all with blasters pointed his direction – and smiles in a way that is anything but friendly.

"You think you can stop me, Captain? I have trained for more years then you have been alive, and I will not be stopped me some creature bread in a tube."

Without further preamble, Krell pushes out with the Force, sending every trooper slamming into the walls. Those unfortunate enough to have stayed on their feet during the assault are quickly cut down by the blue-green pair of saber staffs, and Rex watches from his place on the ground as the fallen Jedi jumps out the window.

He scrambles to his feet and rushes out the door, brushing past medics on their way in to try and stabilize those they can. He does not envy them their job, one which he knows will only get harder the longer Krell goes unattended to.

The sound of boots fills the night air as soldiers pour from the base and onto the hard pavement of the airfield. Krell is nowhere in sight, but the evidence of his departure lies scattered on the ground.

Passing the bodies that litter the ground outside the airbase doors, Rex has to swallow past the rising bile as he takes in his brothers: some still breathing, others lifeless. He charges on more determined than before, no time to pause the pursuit and tell the living from the dead before crashing into the underbrush.

The forest is quiet and incredibly dark, the helmets night vision thrown off by the red glow of the bioluminescent trees.

"Does anyone have a visual?"

"Negative Captain, he's —"

The sound of a lightsaber crackles through the comms, the distinctive hiss as it cauterizes and cuts, distorted and warped by the tiny speakers.

"You should have kept quiet, Captain."

The back of Rex's neck tingles as Krells' voice echoes around the landscape, seeming to come from all directions, shifting on a nonexistent wind.

"You've led them to slaughter in a fool's errand. I have seen the future Captain, your life, and that of every clone is expendable. You and your so-called brothers: specialized rats bread in a lab for just one reason. The Jedi will fall, and in its place, a new order will rise and rule. Yet you rebel in a misguided notion of liberty, and now your men will pay the price."

Displayed on his hud, Rex can see the blinking light of the recorder, and even though he hopes it won't come to it, they need a back up should Dogma fail to reach General Kenobi. He keeps Krell talking, shouting into the eerie red nothingness, turning all directions in the hopes of catching sight of the six-limbed man.

"You're a Separatist?"

Krell's laugh is merciless.

"Not hardly, I serve none but myself. But soon, I shall reap the rewards, and my new master will grant me a seat of power in the Empire that shall arise."

A twig snaps from somewhere above their heads, and it's all the warning Rex and his men get before Krell is in their midst, dual staffs slashing without remorse, skillfully dodging every shot aimed his way. Rex is too busy firing his blasters, shouting for his men not to get too close, to stay out of lightsaber range, to notice at first. Eventually, he hears the shout of his name, and the Captain spots one of the men signaling to something on the ground roughly fifty yards away. Despite his dread and increasing panic, he grins to himself, and relays the information into the comms, alerting all units to draw Krell his way.

Navigating the vine limbs of the Vixus proves challenging, especially with the Besalisk hot on his tail. He should have known that things were going too smoothly, should have expected that something would go wrong (and it makes him sick to his stomach to think, however briefly, that the death of so many of his brothers is according to plan). When it happens, it stirs up disappointed resignation and panic in equal measure. Time seems to slow as his foot catches on something, and he watches the rapidly approaching ground in horror, twisting at the last second to avoid landing face first atop his blasters.

His blunder is all it takes for Krell to be on him, lightsabers baring down with unnatural swiftness. With the adrenaline coursing through his veins, Rex freezes, and he can feel the heat of the green blade through his neck gasket as it flies toward its target. He should move, or fire a shot -anything- instead, his thoughts drift to Ahsoka.

Her skin set aglow by the light of a dying fire beneath a star-studded sky; dirt-covered and sweaty, kneeling next to him as they sew seeds on Lothal; graceful in battle, twisting through the air, elegant and lethal and incredibly kind.

All at once, the heat from the blade disappears and time reasserts itself, leaving the Captain momentarily disoriented until he can process the slashing of sabers far overhead as Krell battles against the vine wrapped around his waist. There is no time to berate himself for either his blunder or for freezing up, and he shoots to his feet, blasters drawn and firing.

Around him, his men are doing the same, some aiming at Krell while others aim for the flailing arms of the Vixus as it attempts to grab anything within reach. Undercutting the din of battle, Rex can make out the tell-tail click of blasters being switched from stun to kill, can feel the increase of energy electrify the air like an oncoming storm. A shot fires and between one heartbeat and the next, Krell is falling, having managed to sever a limb and free himself.

He hits the ground hard, and the shooting ceases, soldiers approaching with a careful tread, ready for the Besalisk to spring up. Instead, Krell lets out a ragged cough into the dirt, and Rex cautiously approaches, DeeCees at the ready, and carefully rolls the fallen Jedi onto his back. Blood gurgles from Krell's chest where a blaster bolt made its home in a lung, whether intentionally placed or a mistake is unclear and, frankly, Rex doesn’t care.

Krell has moments left, and the Captain is seized with the need to make eye contact with the force user one last time. Slowly, he kneels and pulls off his bucket, taking a moment to make sure he has the Besalisks attention.

"I've lived your future, " he whispers, quiet enough that the various recorders can't pick it up. "It doesn't last."

It is satisfying to watch Krell's face fall as he searches the force, feels the veracity of Rex's statement— Realizes that for all his gifts and abilities, a clone knows more than him. Satisfying to know that its the last thought he will ever have.

Words form on the force users' lips, but all that comes out is a cough followed by a rattling breath and then - nothing.

Everyone is quiet for a moment, as the enormity of what just happened registers with the gathered troops. Some take off their helmets, most simply stare in shock. It doesn’t last long; the area is still a live war zone, and all too soon, the sound of steadily approaching enemy bombardment draws everyone from their stupor.

Rex pulls on his helmet and orders everyone back to base. It takes some time, now that they aren’t running after the Besalisk - longer than it usually would have, considering they are hauling Krell’s corpse and the numerous wounded with them. Some of the men had wanted to leave him where he lay, claim that it had been lost in the darkness and confusion of the planet. But the Captain hadn’t wanted to risk being ordered to send anyone out on a retrieval mission. Didn’t want to risk losing more men over the fallen Jedi.

No one speaks as they trudge through the dark landscape, and in the pressing silence, one thought relentlessly hammers away inside the Captains mind:

What now?

His instincts still tell him that this isn't a dream, and Rex is still inclined to trust them. But with his mind no longer occupied with the survival of his men and himself, the doubts that had reared their head when he had woken have returned. Is this death? If so, what does it mean for him now that Umbara is over? Or if it's a dream? Or, even more daunting, what if it's not? What if, by some insane occurrence, its exactly what he thinks it is?

He’s no closer to an answer by the time they reach the base, and in his meditative state, he almost misses the arrival of General Kenobi’s transport.

“Captain!”

Rex has to work to keep his face impassive, even as he salutes (its a different kind of pain seeing Kenobi again then it was from seeing his brothers. Less piercing, more bittersweet, aching like a day-old bruise that you can’t help touching, just to make sure it's still there).

“General,”

“I would ask what’s so urgent that you would send a trooper to collect me in the middle of a delicate campaign, but your man was very thorough in his explanation.”

Behind the Jedi, Rex can make out Dogma - a little cut up and bloodied but in one piece - side-eyeing the trooper next to him. Rex’s heart stops for a moment as he takes in the distinctive orange paint of his batchmate. He should have known that where General Kenobi goes, Cody would follow, but somehow it hadn’t clicked. (Cody shifts and Dogma nervously straightens. There’s a story there, and Rex resolves to get it later —if there is a later).

If Obi-Wan notices the Captain's momentary discomfort, he doesn't say anything.

“We had hoped that you might have been able to assist us in dealing with Krell.”

“I see.” The Jedi pauses for a moment, taking the time to really look at Rex. His next words are terribly kind, and the clone's heart swells with affection for the man.

“How are your men, Captain?”

He thinks of Dogma, the betrayal and the pain that he knows the rookie must still be dealing with, thinks of his own distress at watching Krell cut down brother after brother and chooses his words carefully, voice low.

“We lost a fair number in the fight, and I think the men are more shaken they would like to admit.”

Obi-wan looks sad at the confession but nods understandingly.

“And Krell?”

“Dead, Sir.”

Someone comes up beside him; he's not sure who, but judging by the sound of the footfalls, he thinks its either Jesse or Fives. Looking confirms that its the former.

“Report?”

“All men accounted for, Sir. Wounded are being taken care of now.”

Rex nods.

“Get some rest; you've all earned it.”

Kenobi waits for Jesse to leave before he picks up the conversation.

“Who fired the shot?”

Truthfully, he doesn’t know. In the chaos and confusion, the blaster fire had blurred together. But it was his mission, his orders that the men followed, his responsibility. His fault.

“I did, sir.”

Obi-Wan sighs, looking pained, and Rex understands. A General is dead, an act that cannot go unseen to, regardless of if the general was corrupt or not —there must be a hearing.

"I'm sorry, Captain, but I'm afraid I have to place you under arrest."

Rex nods solemnly.

Appearances and Regulations, his mind supplies, and as much as he doesn't like it, he would rather it be him who takes the brunt of a Court Marshal than any of his brothers. Something he had taken into account when he had first come up with his plan.

Kenobi nods to one of his men, who steps forward with a pair of cuffs.

"Those won't be necessary, will they Captain?"

Mild amusement flickers through Rex at Obi-Wans tone, and he flashes a brief smirk at the General, who, despite the regret etched on his face, has an answering twinkle of humor in his eyes.

"No, Sir."

The trooper shrugs and puts away the restraining devices then reaches out and relieves the Captain of his DeeCees's, before leading him by the elbow toward the tower and the brig.

Behind him, the General calls out.

“We’ll get you out of this, Rex.”

He doesn't need to ask who “we” is.

----

Despite the exhaustion that has settled in his bones, Rex spends his first hour in the brig with his head in his hands, sedately running them over his buzzed hair. Various people stop by, sometimes offering updates, sometimes to provide words of support. They don’t stay for long, recognizing the fatigue, and leave the clone to himself. As a result, he doesn’t look up right away when he hears a set of boots approaching. What does make him look is the sound of his cell door opening, and he is just in time to see Fives, dressed in his blacks and some of his armor, walk-in before shutting the door.

"Hey, " the goateed man greets, walking over to the bunk and sliding down the cell wall, sitting on the ground.

"Hey." Rex returns.

They sit quietly for a few moments, both worn and weary from the horrors of the past 24 hours, the sound of their breathing echoing slightly off the walls.

"I didn't think anyone was allowed inside the cell."

Fives huffs in what could be amusement.

"I don't think anyone is taking your confinement too seriously after what Krell put us through. Pretty sure they would let you out for a walk as long as you have supervision."

They both laugh without much heart before lapsing back into a silence that seems to be building a soft sort of anticipation — a tension, not unpleasant or overwhelming, but constant and steady. The seconds stretch into minutes, all the while the anticipation builds, culminating in a sigh from Fives.

"I believe you."

Rex, arms resting on his legs, looks at his little brother.

"I can't explain it, but —” the ARC trooper shakes his head as if doing so will set his thoughts straight — “you know things. Things you shouldn't have been able to know. And I can't put my finger on it, but you're different, smile more but at the same time are so...sad."

He looks at Rex.

"And I don't know what it is or what it could be, but we've seen some crazy shit together. Dying and coming back to the past is as good an explanation as any. So, I believe you."

Rex doesn't know what to say, doesn't think they are words in basic or mando'a that can encapsulate the affection and love he feels for his brother. He settles for a smile, and it's probably wan and maybe a little teary, but he hopes it can say what he can't.

"Thank you." He tries, and the ARC Trooper nods, smiling back.

Fives eyes catch on something on Rex's person, and the blonde watches as his brother's face goes from understanding to curious.

"What have you got there?"

Rex looks down and sees his wedding band, still attached to the chain, in his hand. It's an old habit, fiddling with it when thinking or just bored, and he hadn't realized he'd started playing with it until his brother had pointed it out.

"Is that a ring?" Fives sounds positively gleeful, and he pulls himself up onto the cot, seating himself practically in Rex's lap to get a better look.

"It is!"

"Get off–!"

It takes some effort, removing Fives from his lap, and it almost dumps both of them on the floor in the process. In the end, they both stay on the bed, Fives leaning far too close into Rex's personal space.

"I didn't think you were the jewelry type."

"For the right person, I am."

He's said too much if the unholy grin spreading across his brother's face is any indicator. He would be more upset at his slipup, if it weren't for the matching grin, he can feel on his own face and the lightness in his heart he hadn't expected to feel for weeks.

"What kind of person could be crazy enough to catch your eye?"

"Watch your tongue, that's my wife you're talking about."

Fives' face is priceless as he processes Rex's words and their implications, and Rex can't help himself. The laughter that bubbles out of him feels both freeing and wrong; Wrong after all that happened, when so many of his brothers lay dead, after so much loss; Freeing, to know that he still can, that despite everything he did, Krell couldn't take this from him.

And he knows his vod'ika has a million questions, can see them flitting about behind golden eyes. He prepares himself for the onslaught when Fives opens his mouth, only for the question to be transformed into a jaw cracking yawn.

Rex shakes his head, amused and fond.

"Get some sleep, Fives."

His brother looks like he's about to protest when a second yawn overcomes him and grudgingly concedes the point.

Fives stands, one finger pointed at Rex.

"I want answers.”

"Later, " Rex promises, all but shoving his brother out of the cell. "Sleep well, Vod."

The door closes with an electric hum, and Rex makes his way back to the bunk.

Exhaustion claims him the second his head touches the pillow, and all too soon, he finds himself falling asleep.

He keeps falling...

Falling...

Falling...

Falling through blood and death, the noise of battle raging around him. It is a kaleidoscope of sound and color, screams, and blasters blurring together until it's impossible to tell the sound of his voice apart from the bark of his DeeCees. Through it all, he spirals from battle to battle: the heat and sand of Geonosis, his armor still unpainted and new; to the frozen moon of Pantora, snow gear frosted over and growing heavier with each passing minute; the choking taste of the Blue Shadow Virus, each breath harder to take than the last, until all at once, his feet hit the deck, sending shock racing up his calves and spine.

The ambient noise of the star destroyer is defining after the chaos of the battles, the hum of hyperspace hardy even background to the ringing in his ears.

He can hear himself speaking, but it's without his permission, his words and actions separate from his thoughts.

“Yes, Lord Sidious.”

No, his mind screams, and within the confines of his own body, he rails against the inhibitor chip. No, he screams as the doors open, and he pulls out his blasters, leveling them at the young and confused face of Ahsoka Tano. He fights harder, thrashing against the walls of his skin, will be damned if he lets the order take him without a fight. Find him. Find him. Fives. Find him! FIVES!

Its a battle unlike any other, waged against himself, the most important in his life. But he cannot hold out, cannot win, and at the end of things, he fails. Mind exhausted and worn, he loses what little control he had scraped together, pulls the trigger. The programming takes over, and Rex can do nothing but watch as he and his men fire volley after volley at the former Jedi. Locked in the deepest corner of his own mind, he can only pray that they don’t find her as they comb the ship. Silently weeps when she steps out, distracted from the droids behind him long enough for the electricity to coarse through his body - vision going white.

The light spreads, at first cold and sharp, but soon enough gives way to the soft yellow glow of the morning sun filtered through closed eyes.

He's roused by the sensation of fingers lazily dancing over an exposed hip.

"Morning."

Her voice is light and playful, and he takes a moment to grin into the pillow before opening his eyes and looking behind him.

In the light of dawn, with the sheets pooled around her waist and sleep shirt slipping down one shoulder, she looks like an angel: her blue eyes sparkle, and the sound of birds caries through the open window.

"Morning."

He rolls over to face her, and she combs her fingers through his beard, eliciting a smile at the sensation.

“We slept in, didn’t we?” his voice rumbles in his chest. Beside him, Ahsoka hums, lips pulled up in a grin. There is a glint of mischief in her eyes that holds the promise of something more, coy and inviting, and no small amount exciting.

"Just a little."

“Then we better get up,”

He can’t hide the smile in his voice, but two can play at this game. Rex sits up and makes a show of stretching - careful not to look at her or else lose his resolve- and he can feel her eyes on him, searing into his skin. In his mind's eye, he pictures her smile growing, teeth bared, and cheeks dimpled. A quick peak confirms his suspicion.

“Long day ahead of us, can’t start if we’re still in bed.”

She slides up next to him, turning his face toward hers with a delicate finger, one of her white eyebrow marks raised in challenge.

"Is that so?"

Her grin is infectious as she settles herself across his hips in a fluid motion, her head tails swaying with the movement. He brings both hands up to her waist both to steady her and to hold her close, thumbs running gentle circles over ochre skin.

"Prove it, Captain."

She leans in and kisses him, slow and deep, and he lets his hands wander underneath her shirt. Over soft skin and up, following the dips and curves of her body, feeling the strength hidden there. Her hands wander in turn, roaming over his chest and arms, slipping under the waistband of his sleep pants. He can feel her tremble oh so slightly under his touch, muscles coiled with anticipation. It spurs his hands higher, fingertips ghosting over sensitive flesh, cupping a -

A loud bang jolts him into consciousness, and Rex instinctively reaches for the warm body that should be there with him. Instead, his hands find nothing but air, and it takes him a moment to process the too harsh lighting and hard metal bunk, the hum of the energy shield that separates his cell from the rest of the room.

For the second time in as many days, Rex's mind must grapple with waking up after expecting to never do so again. But for the first time, he has more than an instinct or a gut feeling to go off of. He's in the same room, the same place as he remembers last being, has two sets of memories for how yesterday went down, and it pushes the few doubts he had left about his reality from his mind.

The future as he remembers it plays out in his mind's eye, and the question from earlier pushes to the forefront:

What now?

#ct 7567 #captain rex #rex x ahsoka #fives #arc trooper fives #ct 5555 #clone trooper tup #clone trooper dogma #dogma #clone trooper hardcase #hardcase #clone trooper jesse #jesse #ct 5597 #umbara arc #pong krell #krell #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #time travel fix it #time travel au #star wars fanfiction #star wars #star wars: the clone wars #clone wars fanfic #clone wars fic #rexsoka #canon-typical violence #Remembering Yesterday's Tomorrow (In the Here and Now) #my writing

[boardbysara]

If this is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

I was doing so good, but today was one of those days where I randomly got sad about the handyman and shed a few tears.

This whole time since we stopped seeing each other, I've been hastily trying to shorten and eliminate the time that I've spent sad about him, because we women get kudo points for not "wasting" any time being sad over a man. Screw him, right? He wasn't worth it anyway. Or so they say.

There is a pervasive cultural movement happening that says you should not want love.

It's all about self-love. You should not need another person in order to be fulfilled.

There's an author on Instagram with 1.1M followers who is publishing an entire book on how you should not be seeking to make your "home" with anyone else but instead inside yourself. That trying to find or make your "home" in someone else is what leads to pain.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, love will always cause you pain. But I do not care how much self-love you have, you will never find any way around that.

If you do, you are not actually loving at all.

And remaining unto yourself such that you never venture bravely into love is death for the soul. COVID-19 has taught us that.

That aforementioned author's forthcoming book is about how to build your home within yourself.

I have built a home within myself. It's where I derive personal fulfillment and contentment, and it's filled with art. It's my visual art, it's my writing, it's my singing, it's my cute outfits, it's my cooking, it's my interior decorating, it's my appreciation for wildlife and nature, it's the way I smile when I go outside to feel the fresh air on my skin. There's so much inside my personal internal home - which is really just my heart.

And I understand this concept of "building your home within yourself' from that point of view - of cultivating fulfillment and contentment on a personal level that doesn't require anyone else, so that when other people let you down, you still have something solid to rely on and turn to. You're not losing yourself.

I get it.

But there is such a danger in this self-love rhetoric that this author and others touting the self-love message don't recognize they are sending which is the message "Don't need anyone. Needing people is bad. Needing people will hurt you. Do not give your heart to others. Protect yourself at all costs."

This underlying message is so incredibly damaging.

This message keeps relationships of any kind at an arm's length and we need intimacy to survive.

You can cultivate personal fulfillment and contentment all you want. You can genuinely appreciate and love yourself and all of your amazing qualities until the cows come home.

But we need people, and we need them close.

PSA: You can have close intimate relationships without massive amounts of pain or co-dependence or losing yourself and your "home" - by using and maintaining BOUNDARIES, people! Boundaries! The concept has been around for decades and yet some people have never heard of them, with MOST people never learning how to use them (sadly.) And that's probably why these incredibly hurtful messages exist.

Because these people who didn't have boundaries got hurt. They retreated, they felt better, and now they are preaching that retreating is the best.

Retreating after emerging from situations in which you got really hurt because you didn't have boundaries will help you feel better. It will help you heal. It can help you cultivate fulfillment within yourself, and it can help you discover the magic of boundaries.

But if you never venture back out into the world of close and intimate relationships you will NEVER heal completely and be 100%.

Want to know why?

Because relationships are how our value is reflected back to us.

We can estimate our own value in our heads and our hearts through cultivating self-fulfillment and contentment all we want, but it will never be enough on it's own because humans inherently need two things to survive and feel true joy:

We need to share all of that love, value, and worth that we've cultivated and appreciated inside of ourselves, and

We need to have our the value that we've personally estimated reflected back to us by other people. Because if it's not, then deep down it always only feels like just a guess. An estimate. An approximation. And you're never really sure.

It's the way you feel when someone greets you with a really big smile and enthusiastic hello - you immediately feel like you hold value.

HUMANS NEED THAT, and COVID has proven it.

Because we've all been going out of our minds with this never-before-experienced deprivation of it.

And P.S., mental health and suicide rates have skyrocketed as a result ESPECIALLY in places where talking about how you're struggling is frowned upon (Japan) - where's it's frowned upon to admit that you need people.

Just like the "self-love" preachers frown upon it.

I have built a beautiful "home" of fulfillment and contentment and self-love and appreciation within myself. But I live alone and now work from home and I realized today (before finding the IG profile of little miss "build your house inside yourself") that even though I have done much better in terms of sustained mental health and functioning than many other people in my situation, I really haven't been feeling like myself - and the reason I don't feel like myself is because I haven't had as much social interaction and therefore have not had the usual intake of my worth being reflected back to myself.

Interacting with people makes me feel better about myself. It boosts my confidence.

(And remember ladies, men love confidence!)

So I've decided two things:

I'm going to wait to date again until my life has returned a little bit more "back to normal" - or, i.e., until I've had time to start living in my new normal - meaning, I've resume in-person interactions (some scheduled to start soon, and others not scheduled to start until June.) I need time to regain that confidence boost and to feel normal again. And this has nothing to do with not loving myself enough!!!

Wanting love and being in intimate relationships in which we give of ourselves is NOT WRONG, IT IS ESSENTIAL!!!!!!!!! I officially rebuke the underlying messages of self-love that tell us that we are wrong for wanting someone else to love us! It does NOT mean that you don't love yourself (as I am 100% certain that I do and 100% capable of being fulfilled by myself and my own magic) and you should too! Just do it with healthy boundaries! And mine have gotten a lot stronger since the handyman, mind you. If nothing else, he was a really strong lesson in healthy boundaries.

Stop feeling bad for wanting love. Stop hiding from people. Stop being a recluse. Stop retreating. Heal, build your personal fulfillment, build your boundaries, and then go back out into the world because you won't survive and TRULY heal until you do.

I've checked all the "self-love" boxes, and I still want love from another human in a romantic context.

Stop believing that it's wrong to need affirmation of your value from other human beings. WE ALL DO. And the only people writing all of that self-love crap pretending that they DON'T are people who are not realizing that the only reason they think they don't is because they are already getting it.

You cannot live without people. You cannot live without love. You cannot live without other people telling you they love you.

None of this is wrong - it is absolutely normal.

Please stop believing that you're doing something wrong by being normal.

You do you. Not what misguided IG preachers tell you to.

(P.S. The best way to do you is to spend quiet time meditating and reflecting on what YOU like/want/need/etc. - which requires turning off all the noise including IG.)

#love

[sableaire]

I feel really shitty because I went to a paediatrician since he had to do some paper work for me about my mental health and he was very understanding up to the end where he lectured me about 'people being worse off'. And now I feel like shit because I know I'm extremely privileged since I come from a secure middle class family and I've never gone hungry and my parents love me, but that doesn't change my depression. I feel like my depression is being written off as teen angst and worse I feel it

is teen angst and I’m being an ungrateful brat. He talked about me having a healthy body and as a paediatrician who probably deals with very sick children I understand where he’s coming from, but I feel like he’s writing my depression off as a trivial and not a mental illness. He said how taking overdoses can cause lasting damage which I know, but again if I’m trying to kill myself liver damage isn’t really something I’d be worried about, and again I feel like he thinks I’m doing this for attention and that I’m not really ill. I don’t know what to think anymore and I feel like I’m being ungrateful. I’m so sorry for ranting to you about this but I don’t know what to do. There are people way worse off than me and I know this and am sorry and so glad for what I have but my depression isn’t something I can just think away, not like that. He treated it like a bad mood, said to just ‘wake up everyday and be thankful for what you have’ but     [I didn’t get what came next]

Hey, Anon - this is one of those times where I can say I genuinely get how you feel. This is a subject I’ve had to think about a lot since my senior year of high school. However, the answer gets pretty long, so let me put it under a cut:

That pediatrician was likely well-meaning, but he was very misguided and very, very wrong. Don’t feel bad about ranting to me about this. I am flattered to know that this is a topic that you trust me with, and for once I feel relatively confident in my ability to help. 

I struggle with this a lot. In my most negative moments, I grow confused, and I wonder if I am choosing to be upset just so I can feel like the protagonist of some melodramatic book. After all, I can still function, so surely it’s not that bad compared to other people. The fact that I’m choosing not to pull myself together must mean that I’m just doing this for attention.

However, in my more lucid moments - like right now - I know that thinking is wrong, which is why I can say with confidence that your pediatrician is also incorrect. 

If a person goes up to someone with a freshly skinned knee and goes, “Suck it up, at least you didn’t break your leg,” or “At least you have a knee to skin,” the person who says that is… incredibly insensitive;; The fact that others have experienced more pain does not change the fact that this individual is suffering from a skinned knee. Further, there are different qualities of pain. How does one compare a migraine to the pain of losing a loved one? How does one compare the pain of a broken rib to the shock of a divorce? The flu to a sunburn? There is no way, as the quality of those pains are different, and though one person may be strong against one kind of pain, no one can withstand all of them equally.

I will say this: Your depression does not mean that you are ungrateful for the things that you do have. If one has a house that is missing windows, it is odd for someone to say, “You’re being ungrateful for the walls and the roof you have.” The more appropriate response would be, “Wow, it sucks your house doesn’t have windows. Do you want a new house? Do you think we can like… just build some windows in? Need help with that? I know a guy.”

Sometimes, there’s just a fundamental piece missing that the other things you have can’t fix. Sometimes that missing piece is something in your physical environment. Sometimes that missing piece is a chemical in the brain.

The human brain - and believe me, I’ve taken so many classes on perception now - completely controls how you see the world. And so, if you are clinically depressed, your ability to view things positively is hindered, and no doctor telling you to “be thankful for what you have” is going to change that. Sure, doing exercises and writing a list of things that you are thankful for might help, gradually, over time - but it also might not, especially if people around you are invalidating your suffering.

Believe me when I say, your depression is not selfish, and you are not choosing to revel in it. Is it teenage angst? I don’t know the answer to that, but whether it is or isn’t doesn’t matter because it isn’t changing how you feel, how you are experiencing your emotions and the world around you. So it doesn’t matter. What matters is how you feel, and it sounds like you are suffering and having that suffering overlooked or belittled. Those feelings have nothing to do with you being ungrateful or lacking appreciation for the positives in your life.

You also mentioned suicide ideation, in your ask, so I think that this post I wrote before about my thoughts on suicide might be of interest to you. I promise, there is no judgment or condemnation or invalidation there.

I hope these words were of some comfort to you, Anon, and if you would like me to elaborate on anything, please feel free to send another ask. Really though, this is an issue so important to me that the story I’m working on is about a protagonist with this same problem. I do hope that I was of some help.

Also, I put these in at the end because I’m sure you don’t want to read a long, trailing college paper on the subject, but I actually wrote one on this topic in my freshman year of high school. It is anecdotal in nature:

“Though I have never considered myself suicidal, I do have moments of deep, depressive ruts. In these moments, one of the hardest elements of my suffering is that I feel selfish. After all, there are so many more people with more reasons to be unhappy. I know of others with similar sentiments.

If one has both parents, a stable home, financial stability, and a number of caring friends, they subscribe to and fit the label of American happiness. And yet, not all these individuals are happy. There is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is that they are forced to feel guilty for feeling unhappy with their circumstances. This sort of sentiment only leads them to believe that no one will understand their feelings. This sort of sentiment leads individuals to believe that, not only is their unhappiness unnatural, they do not even possess the right to be unhappy.

Everyone has the right to be unhappy.”

This later excerpt is also relevant:

“The Dalai Lama once said, “Our feelings of contentment are strongly influenced by our tendency to compare” (22). Many people interpret this statement as a proclamation to be satisfied with what you already have and not lust for more. However, […] the opposite case stands true as well. It is not right to compare your struggles with those of others and deem them lesser. The Tao Te Ching tells us, “Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear,” and reminds us, “Whether you go up the ladder or down it, your position is shaky” (Mitchell 13).

It seems to me that this individual has fallen into not only the trap of comparison, but also the trap of Bentham’s thinking. He seems to quantify the pain of those around him, as if all the different troubles consist of the same substance, and use the number of burdens others shoulder as excuses to not add his own. However, “the pain of a headache is very different from the pain of losing a loved one to death” (Nussbaum S83), and though he might consider the quality of one pain worse than another, other people might judge this differently. Even if he considers his problems as petty, others might not agree. Unhappiness is not a quantitative process with a single answer like math.”

#anonymous #depression #suicide ideation #sableask #advice #important