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all-that-jazz-93 · 3 years

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American Dragon Timeline

I’ve been trying for a while now to figure out the timeline of this show, because it makes no sense in the order that Disney Channel originally aired the episodes. It also makes no sense in the episode list on Jeff Goode’s website, which he claims to be the proper chronology of events.

I had to come up with a few convoluted headcanons to make this work, but I think I’ve finally pieced together a coherent timeline (note that for a lot of the filler episodes, it doesn’t actually matter that much when they take place, I was just trying to stick as close to Jeff Goode’s chronology as possible.)

September 2004

Old School Training

It’s implied in this episode that Jake got his dragon powers very recently. They don’t say how recently, but given how new the whole thing is to him, I’d say it’s probably only been about a week or two.

Here’s where we come up against our first issue with canon. In The Legend of Dragon Tooth, Jake says he got his dragon powers when he turned 13, and in Shapeshifter, he says he’s a Pisces, which means his birthday would be in late February, or March. There’s no way the timeline makes sense if that’s the case, so my headcanon is that Jake is just like…really bad at astrology, and he somehow confused Pisces with another star sign.

We also have the issue of how far behind he seems to be in school (he’s 14 in early season 2, but still in 7th grade). So, two more headcanons to explain that. Number one, Jake’s birthday is actually sometime in early September, so he missed the cutoff to go to kindergarten when he was 5, and had to wait until he was 6, placing him a year behind (some places don’t allow kids to start kindergarten if they turn 5 after September 1st. I knew a boy in my old youth group who was almost a year older than everyone else in our grade, because he had an October birthday). Number two, at some point in elementary school, Jake was held back a grade. So the first episode takes place shortly after Jake’s 13th birthday, at the beginning of his sixth grade year.

Since Trixie and Spud are supposed to be the same age as him, that would mean they must’ve both been held back at some point as well (that especially makes sense for Spud—anyone who’s purposely failed as many tests as he has would almost definitely have to repeat a grade).

This would also make Rose younger than them. She’s very bright, and she seems like a good student, so it’s unlikely she was ever held back. But we don’t want her to be too much younger than them, so I’ll headcanon that she also has a birthday in early September, making her a year younger than Jake. If that’s the case, she’d be 12 in season one, and 13/14 in season 2.

Adventures in Trollsitting/Fu Dog Takes a Walk

The dogcatcher says that it’s September.

September/October 2004

Shapeshifter Dragon Breath The Legend of Dragon Tooth The Talented Mr. Long Professor Rotwood’s Thesis Act 4, Scene 15 The Long Weekend Body Guard Duty Dragon Summit

This episode has to take place after Shapeshifter, Dragon Breath, and Professor Rotwood’s Thesis, since the Dragon Council makes references back to Jake’s actions in all of those episodes. It also has to take place before The Halloween Bash, which places it sometime in September or October.

October 2004

The Halloween Bash

Jeff Goode’s website lists this episode as taking place between Ski Trip and The Hunted, but there’s no way that’s possible, because Ski Trip takes place close to Valentine’s Day, and The Hunted takes place during the Equinox (they don’t specify which Equinox, but it would have to be the one in September; it’s the only way the timeline makes any sense, even with the generous liberties I’m taking with these headcanons). So The Halloween Bash has to take place before Ski Trip. No one in this episode makes any reference to knowing Rose’s identity, so it works out just fine.

February 2005

The Ski Trip

Valentine’s Day was actually on a Monday in 2005, so presumably this episode takes place the weekend of February 11-13.

March 2005

The Egg/The Heist

Easter was on March 27 in 2005. This is how I know The Hunted takes place during the Autumnal Equinox; Rose was still in the city during Easter weekend, a week after the Vernal Equinox.

Eye of the Beholder Ring Around the Dragon Jake Takes the Cake

May 2005

Fu and Tell/Flight of the Unicorn

Flight of the Unicorn takes place on Memorial Day, which was May 30th that year

May/June (or September) 2005

Keeping Shop

Hong Kong Nights

I know Jeff Goode’s website says this is the last episode of season one, but I absolutely cannot accept any episode besides The Hunted as the season finale, so I’m just gonna recognize that the council has made a decision, but elect to ignore it.

September 2005

The Hunted

The Autumnal Equinox in 2005 was on September 22

Late November/Early December 2005

Half Baked

Jake says it’s been three months since Rose left. It couldn’t be exactly three months, because that would place this episode in late December, and school would be out for the holidays. So presumably it’s late November or early December, and Jake is rounding up when he says three months.

The Academy

This one would pretty much have to take place very soon after Half Baked, like within a week or two.

Late December 2005

Breakout

This episode establishes that 88 and 89 are in the city working as apprentices to the Huntsman, so it has to take place before the Christmas episode, which they also appear in.

Hairy Christmas

January/February 2006

(Most of these don’t actually have to take place in January or February, aside from Dreamscape and Fool’s Gold. The rest could be pretty much any time during Jake’s 7th grade year. I’m just trying to stick to Jeff Goode’s chronology, and keep at least some of the episodes in the order he listed.)

Hero of the Hourglass Bring It On Family Business Something Fishy This Way Comes The Doppelganger Gang Dreamscape Fool's Gold

February 2006

The Love Cruise

They never explicitly say it’s Valentine’s Day, but the whole concept of the Love Cruise seems like something a school would do for Valentine’s Day. Also adds an extra layer of heartbreak, because it means Jake and Rose’s breakup happened on the one-year anniversary of Jake finding out Rose was Huntsgirl. Ouch. February has not been kind to Jake.

On the other hand, I’d prefer to headcanon that Jake and Rose got to spend the whole summer together before their breakup, going on dream dates every night and not having to set their alarms for school in the morning (can we just let them be happy for a little while? PLEASE?!?!?!?), so maybe the Love Cruise wasn’t on Valentine’s Day, and instead was just some random school event at the beginning of their 8th grade year.

May 2006

Feeding Frenzy

They spend three days visiting Jake’s family, so it’s either Memorial Day weekend, spring break, or summertime. Most likely Memorial Day or spring break, since Jake says in this episode that he’s been the American Dragon for a year and a half.

May/June 2006

A Befuddled Mind The Rotwood Files Haley Gone Wild Switcheroo

This one takes place after The Love Cruise, because Jake and Rose’s recent breakup is a minor plot point, so it only takes place at this point if we headcanon Love Cruise taking place in February.

Young At Heart

I know this is supposed to be a later episode, but going by this timeline, Jake would be 15 for most of his 8th grade year, and in this episode Jake, Trixie, and Spud talk about being 14, so it has to take place during 7th grade

Summer between 7th and 8th grade

A Ghost Story

Late September/Early October 2006

Homecoming

I never went to public school (I was unfortunately homeschooled), but it’s my understanding that middle schools don’t do Homecoming. So my headcanon is that it was actually just a junior high prom or something, but a few students on the planning committee approached Sun Park and begged her to let them model it after the Homecoming dances at their older siblings’ high schools. Sun was delighted by their enthusiasm, so of course she agreed.

Any time during their 8th grade year

Supernatural Tuesday Siren Says Shaggy Frog Nobody's Fu Game On Bite Father, Bite Son Magic Enemy #1

February 2007

Year of the Jake

Chinese New Year was on February 18th in 2007

March 2007

Furious Jealousy

Trixie and Spud put together a Daylight Savings themed school event, so this episode takes place either in October of 06 or March of 07. We’ll go with March because it’s closer to the end of the series.

June 2007

Being Human

Haley and Gramps both say in this episode that Jake is 14, but he would actually be 15 by this point (even if my whole timeline is wrong and he actually is a Pisces, he still would’ve had his 15th birthday already). Presumably the writers just weren’t paying close enough attention to their established timeline, but the in-universe explanation is…sometimes family members forget your age; my best friend keeps saying her youngest sister is 15, when in fact her sister is turning 17 this year. Sometimes you lose track.

Summer after 8th grade

The Hong Kong Longs

Presumably this episode takes place around July or August, which means Jake and his friends would be almost 16 by this point (and Rose would be almost 15, assuming my headcanon about her being a year younger than them is accurate).

#no i didn't spend three hours on this what are you talking about #american dragon: jake long #american dragon jake long #ad:jl #adjl #jake long #trixie carter #arthur spudinski #rose adjl #adjl rose #haley long #lao shi #sun park

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darisu-chan · 4 years

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whatever our souls are made of (his and mine are the same), pt. 9

Hi!

Today I have another one-shot just for you.

Hope you guys like it!

You can also read it here.

See you!

as long as i have you

Prompt: us against the world

Summary: Even if no one else understands their relationship, it’s alright as long as they have each other

Things have been tense since Rukia and he have been hanging out with his humans friends again.

Ichigo can tell she wants to tell them off, but doesn’t.

She’s prudent like that.

Meanwhile, all of them except for Ishida seem a bit put off by Rukia’s presence.

Ichigo doesn’t get it.

Especially when it comes to Inoue and Chad.

He thought they considered Rukia their friend as well.

But it appears as they don’t.

He has to wonder if they link her to the Shinigami and to all the battles they had to fight in.

Not that it is Rukia’s fault.

It’s not his fault either.

He never asked them to come and join him.

They did so willingly.

Although, maybe the last war had been too draining for Inoue and Chad.

Perhaps they wanted to forget everything and Rukia’s presence complicated things.

Still, they had absolutely no reason to treat her like she was a bother.

Or like they disapproved of their relationship.

Ishida, who has always known how to read the room, does all he can to strike up conversation with Rukia and not let her feel excluded.

But it doesn’t work.

Not really.

Because Ishida is often left behind as well.

Probably for the same reasons Rukia is.

Ichigo is not.

Not when he is by himself.

But he sometimes feels as if he can’t relate with his friends anymore.

Like they are from completely different worlds.

He had heard about things like this happening before.

Of growing out of your childhood friends.

Yet he hadn’t realized it would feel this lonely.

His sentiment rings a little true, though.

He has never been normal.

From his birth, Ichigo has been able to see spirits and that has made him different to everyone else.

And even if that hadn’t been the case, his hair color had often alienated him when growing up.

But with Tatsuki, Chad, Keigo, Mizuiro, Inoue and even Ishida he had felt accepted in some way.

Like a normal teen, minus all the world saving and whatnot.

And he had felt bad.

Lying to them.

In particular to Tatsuki, Keigo and Mizuiro, who had never been a part of his adventures.

Even if it had been for their own good.

However, eventually Ichigo had realized he didn’t want to be normal.

After seventeen months without powers, he had known who he wanted to be.

And that wasn’t a human being.

He would have never imagined this would isolate him from his friends.

Or that they would try hard to isolate Rukia.

Rukia, who had never hurt them or done anything to be disliked.

And, gods, Rukia is on a whole different level than they are.

She just gets him.

Period.

Although she’s not a human and there are many things about his world she doesn’t yet understand, she knows how to read him.

Whether it’s because of their shared trauma, similar personalities, or hell, even destiny, at the end of the day it is Rukia who makes him feel understood.

And it’s not something that Ichigo can explain.

Not something his friends could ever fathom.

Meeting Rukia was earth shattering.

His bond with her just is the way it is.

So it hurts when the people he trusted most don’t see her that way.

Ishida sort of gets it.

In a “I’m not sure what is going on here but I support you” kinda way.

He is fond of Rukia.

Considers her a friend.

And he knows how important she is to Ichigo.

That is enough for him.

He just wishes the others were like his cousin.

Keigo doesn’t get it.

Or thinks he does in a more simplistic manner.

To his credit, he tries.

He likes Rukia well enough.

But he doesn’t understand how deep their bond goes.

Chad is probably aware there is more going on.

Yet, as of late, he has put this barrier that Ichigo cannot break.

It is as if his best friend is telling him he doesn’t approve of Rukia.

Ichigo can’t really understand why.

It is the same thing with Inoue.

It is as if she thought Rukia was going to vanish from their lives forever.

It seems she wants to keep her at arm’s length.

And the others follow her example.

Tatsuki and Mizuiro, for their part, haven’t grasped the idea of him and Rukia sharing their lives and being together.

Not that Ichigo can blame them.

It’s just annoying how they do what Inoue and Chad want and purposely ignore her.

It’s not only annoying but insulting at this point.

So much so he doesn’t want to hang out with them anymore.

Not even when they had supposedly made up.

So one day, he suggests that they simply shouldn’t show up at one of their get-togethers.

“Why?” Rukia questions him.

“Because they keep ignoring you.” Ichigo answers her honestly.

“But they’re you’re friends.” She retorts.

But you’re more important. He wants to say but doesn’t.

Rukia must read it on his face anyway, because she shakes her head, sighs, and then says, “I’m not bothered by them. I don’t care what they think. I’m just worried about you. I want you to keep your friends.”

He wants so too.

Friends who actually care about him.

That won’t make a fuss because Rukia is not really human.

And his own friends aren’t that.

He thinks they might find that acceptance in the Soul Society.

But he quickly learns it isn’t as easy as that.

The Kuchiki elders don’t approve and much less after Ichigo insulted them at dinner.

They deserved it, though.

Assholes.

But it’s not only them or the other noble clans who talk smack behind their backs.

Other Shinigami aren’t approving either.

Thankfully, it’s none of their friends.

Even Renji has nothing to say against them.

They’ve got Byakuya’s full support.

But there are other Shinigami, some from the 13th division too, that look at them with disapproval.

As if they believe it simply isn’t right for a human and a Shinigami to spend time together, not even when that human isn’t fully human either.

It’s grating.

Hell, it’s tiring.

Cause everywhere they go, someone has to say something about it.

They’re lucky that their families get it and encourage them.

Yuzu and Karin adore Rukia and look up to her like an older sister.

Isshin already considers her his daughter.

And Byakuya has fully embraced him as a Shinigami, ally, and, say, even a friend.

But outside of their very small circle, it seems like everyone’s against them.

Ichigo just doesn’t understand why.

They’re not hurting anyone.

They’re just not normal.

And their bizarre bond is hard to accept for some people.

Ichigo doesn’t want that.

He wants to give Rukia all the love and acceptance she deserves.

Which others won’t give her, so long as they’re together.

He expresses as much one day when everything feels as it is too much.

“So?” She replies, seemingly uncaring.

“So, doesn’t it bother you?”

Rukia grows quiet and then shrugs. “Kinda. But I’ve already decided this is worth whatever is thrown at us.”

She’s right.

Of course she’s right.

“So it doesn’t bother you you’re stuck with me forever?”

“Nah. I made my peace with you being an idiot already. Besides, you need me to keep you in line.”

“More like you need me to reach high things for you.”

“Well, that too.”

They share a laugh and it all seems better.

Brighter.

And Ichigo guesses things won’t change anytime soon.

There will always be those who oppose them.

But he doesn’t have the energy to care anymore.

Because, even if no one else understands their relationship, it’s alright as long as they have each other.

“It’s you and me against the world, then.”

“Always.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

#ichiruki #ichirukimonth #ichirukimonth2020 #pro ichiruki #ichiruki fanfiction #my fanfiction

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vanillacoolatta · 4 years

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Before middle school, I didn’t know that gay people existed.

During school, I identified as bisexual.

After graduating, I’m trying to be comfortable stating that I’m aro-ace.

This is a long post in which I describe my experiences with dating during my school years and the beginning of my self-acceptance afterwards. This is very, very long, so I inserted a “keep reading” tab.

Trigger warnings for brief alcohol/drug mentions (not about me), a toxic relationship, brief strong language at the end, and internalized queerphobia. Do not read if these make you uncomfortable.

When I was 12, I learned of the LGBT+ community.

When I was 13, I started questioning my sexuality and gender orientation.

I grew up in a conservative part of the midwest US, where “gay” was a swear word and I had, as such, never heard of such a thing. I knew absolutely nothing about the LGBT+ community - didn’t even know it existed. I cannot overexaggerate this; literally 0 knowledge that men could like men or women could like women (let alone other stuff). The very first time I heard the term “LGBT” was when I moved to a bluer state in the northeast, where rich old white people inhabited most places but their grandchildren were much more progressive.

I had a best friend who came out to me as pansexual and transgender. Naturally, I felt comfortable enough to come out to him as bisexual and genderfluid.

Now, of course, this was one of the most confusing periods of my life. I was barely a teenager, new to the sixth grade, and coming back to a school system after having been away for a year. I was making new friends and learning a new way of life. I was stressed out and generally confused about most things, which probably contributed to a lot of things.

I jumped around schools a lot, but we finally found one to stay around a while and I started making friends. I ended up mostly drifting around friendgroups but made one friend in particular who had the same classes as me, so we hung out a bit more. He eventually came out to me as a trans guy. He wasn’t a very good teacher, but the information he gave me served as a stepping stone to get me into further research. A few months later, I came out to him as bisexual and genderfluid. I thought I was bisexual because I noticed attractive traits in both guys and girls that we knew. I thought I was genderfluid because I didn’t feel great being called a girl all the time but didn’t feel okay to make the jump all the way to being called a boy. (for reference, I was born female.)

This led into my first relationship with another friend of mine the following year. Our school had a Halloween dance every year and I seemed to be the only person without a date, so I guess I tried to convince myself that I had a crush on this girl, who we can call Ella. I genuinely convinced myself I “liked” her (not the first time - this exact thing had happened to me in literally kindergarten when all the girls were talking about their crushes so I picked a random boy to pretend I “liked”) and asked her to go to the dance with me. She agreed, we went, and by the end of the night we agreed to date. This went on for a few weeks at most, when one day she told me in social studies that we should break up because we never did anything “couple-like”. I readily agreed and we went on with our lives as friends, even through the beginning of high school.

A year after that, in 8th grade, I got into the online scene, but not like you might think. My app of choice? Google+. Yeah. I wasn’t allowed to have traditional social media, so that was my compromise. I, of course, went through every phase under the sun during this year (anime, emo, SuperWhoLock, you name it), and therefore got into online roleplaying. This is how I met a girl that we’ll call “Ariel”. We roleplayed together for months and I eagerly dictated this to my friend, who questioned frequently if we were “just friends” or not. Being a paranoid 14-year-old, I panicked and sent Ariel a message asking how she felt about online relationships. (We had video called and such before, so we were both confident that neither was some creep lying about our age.) She replied enthusiastically and we collectively decided to try dating. We were together for two or three months until she, like Ella, said that we never did “couple-like” things and she would rather we just be friends. She even dictated her new relationship to me (turns out she had been seeing a guy at her school without telling either of us the situation), which led to a lot of insecurity for me. This made me feel jealous because I felt like I had lost my best friend - she barely texted me anymore, let alone held a conversation. This jealous feeling seemingly reinforced my alloromantic (”experiencing-romance”) status through my freshman year and into my sophomore year, when I met the next person I dated.

This went on for a long, long time until finally, at the end of the school year and 6 months into our relationship, he gave me a deadline and said we had to break up if I wouldn’t be in an open relationship. Again, I was desperate beyond measure to be in a close relationship with somebody and, having no other friends at the time, reluctantly accepted this since I didn’t think I had a choice. After two more months of namecalling, blameshifting, and guiltripping, I called him, sobbing, and told him I wouldn’t do it anymore. I broke up with him and tried to move on with my life, but it felt impossible since nobody else, not even my parents, had known any of this had happened. I’m only now starting to move past it and accept that I’m worth more than that, but it’s been a rocky road.

This time around, I thought I had learned from my mistakes. He (genderqueer, we’ll call him Martin) was a year older than me and was wrapped up in a lot of drama, but I didn’t know this until we started dating.

He had some sort of ankle injury and we had a mutual friend, so I helped him carry his backpack to a class we had together when he asked for my phone number. Thinking this would lead to another good friendship, I readily agreed and moved on with my day. That night, he texted me, telling me that he had a crush on me since the beginning of the year and asking if he could take me to Homecoming. At this point, I was desperately wanting for a close, personal relationship, and so accepted. We went and he asked to kiss me at the end of the night, which I hesitantly agreed to.

We were thrown into almost a year-long relationship, in which I discovered his problems with alcohol, weed, cigarettes, and cheating. (I was 15, he was 16!! very illegal to be drinking and smoking!!!! i tried to ignore it, but learn from my mistakes!! if this happens to you and you fall in with the wrong crowd, get out of there!!)

He told me 2 months in that he was polyamorous, but I was and am very uncomfortable with the idea of personally being in an open relationship, so he told me that he would respect my wishes and remain monogamous while we were together. This was a lie. He cheated frequently, since I wouldn’t have sex with him, and pretended he was kicked out of his house so that he would have an excuse to be sleeping at someone else’s (and cheating all the time). He bragged about this to his friends, had the person he was cheating with brag about it, and took advantage of the fact that I refused to know his phone password (he offered when we first got together, but I didn’t want to snoop through his personal stuff so I said no).

He tried to start a lot of fights, calling me names and blaming things (like his substance abuse) on me, telling me I stressed him out too much. I fell into the darkest part of my life so far, distancing myself from all of my friends and family, and barely sleeping or eating. I kept telling him I wasn’t very comfortable kissing him (I thought it was since he was my first kiss) and needed time to calm down when he asked me to, but he kept initiating stuff like that in the hallways and I eventually gave in, choosing instead to go to the bathroom to hide afterwards. This was only the surface, but it makes me too sick to talk about the rest. (Nothing else physical, thank god)

Over this whole time, I read fanfiction. I read loads and loads of self-insert fanfiction. I was desperately searching for that personal connection, for that feeling you get when you think you can tell somebody anything. I yearned for it, craved it even, and was wholly unhealthy for me in that I spent all of my free time doing so. I’ve stopped that now, but it’s still difficult for me when I start to feel really lonely.

I have only ever had one other relationship, and that was for about a month near the end of my last year of school. (We can call him Tyler) He identified as cisgender and straight, while I tentatively identified as a gay transgender guy to my friends. A mutual friend told me that Tyler liked me and so, when Tyler asked for my phone number, I spilled in my first text about my gender identity so that, if he wanted to, he would never have to ask me out and I would never have to feel awkward. A few days later, I agreed to a movie date - I didn’t feel anything romantic towards him, but I guess I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t “broken” and that I could mean something to somebody.

After this date, we continued to meet up around town in some of my favorite places. During these times, we shallowly discussed my gender orientation and he asked if “this made him bisexual”, to which I had no answer. After dating for a month or two, we stopped meeting up because of timing issues (work, volunteering, and finishing our last year of school got in the way). Slowly, we stopped texting. This one was mostly my fault, since I’ve been known to go radio-silent for weeks before sending a random text at 3AM. He texted me after not speaking for two weeks, telling me in seven words or less that we should break up because we never text and, once again, never did “couple-like” things. I agreed calmly, feeling much more comfortable with this since I had a best friend at the time, and we pretty much never spoke again.

Moral of the story? My whole life, I tried to put myself in a box - don’t do that. After only a few months of even knowing about the existence of the queer community, I felt pressured to come out and call myself something. I wanted to “fit in” with the people around me, who I saw dating people and having boyfriends and girlfriends and asking me why I didn’t have one. This led to a lot of bad decisions and unnecessary negativity in my life, which led to a lot of the negative habits I still deal with today.

This isn’t to say that these relationships didn’t teach me something. Ella taught me how to have fun with people at that Halloween dance and helped me to make other friends. Ariel helped me to realize that online relationships and friendships aren’t really my thing. Martin, fucked up as he left me, started me on the path to realizing how to cut off toxic relationships and recognizing that I do not exist solely for other people’s pleasure. Tyler was the one who opened my eyes to the boxes I had made for myself when he asked me if he was still straight (he is, I was a glitch in the system since I was trans and he has never and will never be attracted to anyone AMAB) and inadvertently helped me to start questioning my orientation again.

The thing that’s most messed up for me here is that I think I could have learned all this if these people had merely been my best friends (minus some of the unwanted kissing and stuff). I would have gone to that dance with Ella and my other friends. I would have realized I was uncomfortable with online relationships just by observing friends that Ariel introduced me to. Martin treated his friends really shittily too and I think I still would have realized my worth (probably would have listened in the beginning when somebody tried to warn me, too). I likely would have started questioning my orientation again regardless of Tyler, he just helped me to do it sooner.

The only reason I had these romantic relationships is because I felt pressured to do so. Pressured by my friends? Definitely. Inadvertently pressured by the people who asked me out? For sure. Subconsciously pressured by myself? More absolutely than either of those other things. I came out within two months of learning about the LGBT+ community. I stayed with this identity I had “chosen” for years and years, only ever “tweaking” my perception slightly, never stopping to wonder if I was wrong.

What I did wonder was if I was broken. If a past relationship had left me so shattered that I lost the ability to feel. In reality, I never possessed the ability to feel what I was looking for. I never felt romantic attraction in all those years - not once. I was terrified to think that I couldn’t be romantic and forced myself to believe that what I was experiencing was romantic feelings because I didn’t want to admit that maybe I just...couldn’t.

I still struggle with this. I still struggle to say that I’m aromantic and asexual, but I am. I have to deal with that now, but I’m slowly coming to terms with it. I finally feel comfortable in my own head without having to lie about the nature of my interpersonal relationships. I officially un-came out about my gender, since I’m still actively questioning, though I’m leaning towards somewhere nonbinary.

I feel more free in this aspect than I ever have. Without forcing myself to think about having to come up with a romantic relationship, I’ve eliminated a major source of stress in my life. I can openly recognize that if this ever changes, I can just...let it change. I don’t have to jump through hoops to call myself alloromantic if it turns out I feel romantically toward somebody.

Not all aromantic or asexual people have been in romantic relationships. Not all who have regret it. Not all who have were uncomfortable. This is my way of learning, my way of feeling, and that fact comforts me. The fact that there are people like me, that I am not broken, and that my past experiences don’t change the validity of my current reality. I am proud to be aromantic, something I have never felt before. I am proud of myself knowing that, even though I’ve settled on a name for myself, I can decide to change that if I start to feel differently. There is no “good enough” anymore, because there is no standard I have to meet in order to identify as myself. I am me, and I am a human being who changes and fluxes and rises and falls like the tide.

You are not broken. You are you. You are a human being who changes and fluxes and that’s okay. You will always be good enough, because you are you.

#I didn't really know how to end this #but I got the point across that I wanted to make #i'm realizing how super long this is #but i think all of it is important to my story and identity #this was at 4am so sorry if something doesn't make sense #aromantic #asexual #lgbt

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gochristteam · 4 years

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GO CHRIST DEVOTIONAL 31st March 2020 Nugget: Accept Correction For Your Own Good Poverty and shame are for those who ignore correction, but whoever listens to instruction gains honor. Proverbs 13:18 ISV Anytime I come across people who think they are above correction, I ask myself how long they have been around. This is because it has never ended on a good note for any individual who refuses any form of correction. There is an African proverb which says that " and elderly person is able to see what a child cannot see even though he is sitting on a tall tree". As a matter of fact, we are always going to come across people who are older than us either in experience or age. Some of them who want the best for us will humbly try to correct us when we take paths which they have used before but did not end well. In such situations, we are to take it in good faith even if it does not come in a package we want. It is better to listen to a wise person’s rebuke than to listen to the praise of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:5 ISV It's indeed true to say that experience is the best teacher but wisdom will teach us to learn from the experience of others by accepting correction than to desire to learn from one's own experience. DIG DEEPER Proverbs 13 PRAYER Please pray as led by the Holy Spirit .................................... What's App Us On +233279627832 Or visit www.Facebook.com/GoChristTeam Shalom! #possessingthenations #gospelmusic #god #gochristdevotional #dailydevotional #dailyquotes #dailyinspiration #dailymotivation #dailydevotions #dailymotivationalquotes #dailydevo #dailydevotion #devotional #devotion #biblequotes #bibleverses #bible #biblestudy #christ #christianitygh #church #Christian #Christianity #ghana🇬🇭 #ghana #jesuslovesyou #jesus https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Y5RcRn0n5/?igshid=s95717fjz2op

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daysswithyou · 5 years

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teacher!day6

Characters: Day6

Genre: slice of life

Words: 2.5k

Description: how Day6 would be like as teachers!

For context; Kindergarten: Ages 3 to 6 Primary school: Ages 7 to 12 Secondary school: Ages 13 to 17 Tertiary education: Ages 17 to 19 University: 19 onwards ---

SUNGJIN

Honestly...seeing leader as a teacher for a particular age group is hard

Because I feel like he'll be good with all ages

I can see him being the father-like teacher that admonishes the young ones cutely

But at the same time I can also see him being stern with the older ones

So..............................................

Just for leader............................

I'm not going to specify which age group he's teaching HAHA

Sungjin as a teacher would just generally be the "father" teacher

He’ll scold the kids when he has to

Even though he really does not like doing so

Might accidentally make the young ones cry with his stern lo

But when that happens he immediately softens and pats their hair / offers them a warm hug to soothe them

The little ones will always rummage around his bag for snacks just because his bag is practically BURSTING with them

But removes them from his bag fairly quickly – Sungjin as a teacher is still fiercely protective of his food HAHA (imagine a mother bear picking up her cub by it’s nape – that’s what it looks like when Sungjin removes the kids from his bag)

But ok jokes aside

Sungjin as a teacher is really caring

He might express his emotions very well

But he does care very deeply for his kids

Sends them away on their last day of kindergarten with a smile on his face

But sobs buckets later at home when he reads the cards they give him with their cute handwriting and drawings

Sobs more when he sees them draw him as a bear

Because he cannot decide if it’s cute or tragic that they see him as a bear after all the years of teaching them

Sungjin with the older ones which generally be more stern

Less smiles

Because he’s got an image to keep

The most the kids will see from him is his odd facial expressions when his slides / mic messes up when he lectures

Most are too intimidated to approach him

But for the brave few that do

They are pleasantly surprised

Because it turns out

That prof Sungjin is actually a pretty approachable guy with a wealth of knowledge to share with his students

And eventually this evolves into that sort of relationship where the kids begin to see him as a friend outside of lessons

Which leads to the most ridiculous encounters EVER

For example

‘hey prof’

‘I can’t believe you called me to fix your heater’

‘it’s winter! And the student services centre wasn’t responding’

‘the things I do for you guys’

‘thanks prof!’

Grumbles about coming out on a winter day during term break

But still fixes the heating for his kids nonetheless

But don’t worry

They repay his efforts by treating him to food when school starts again ;)

Overall

Sungjin as a teacher is generally one that does not show affection openly for his kids much

But deep down

They all know that he truly cares for them

Both academically and non-academically

JAE

Tertiary educator

Jae would be that really chill prof that the kids love alot

He’s not going to bother them too much even if they enter lectures a little late – he understands the tertiary education is tough and well, waking up late once in a while is not a sin

Probably not the type to bother them too much even if they doze off in his lectures – as long as they catch up on their own

He accepts it if they have a tardy appearance or are disorganised – he was like that as a student as well

But he will not accept tardiness in the work

Will get an earful from him if they slack off / hand in work late without a valid reason

If a student is constantly missing school

He’s going to check up on them constantly

And follow up with them regularly to make sure they get the help they need and are coping well from there on

Even though he’s a strict teacher

He always reminds his students that their mental health is more important than their studies

Which is why his students feel comfortable going to him for advice when they’re troubled with anything

And when I say anything

I really mean anything

From anxieties about their studies

To relationship problems

Jae listens to them all

And adjusts his response accordingly

If he has to be firm to snap his students out of their own self-deprecating mindset

He will

But for those that can’t handle his toughness

He will opt for being gentler with them

But no matter what

He will stick with his kids till the end and see them become a better version of themselves

Jae takes mental health very very very seriously

And his students appreciate him very much for that

Because he feels like one of the very few teachers that care about them

For who they are

Beyond their grades

But serious stuff aside

Jae is a fun teacher

Always bringing props to class to demonstrate a concept

Working in videos into his lectures to make sure the lecture is less boring

Probably the type of prof to bring in a soft toy and tosses the soft toy to a student when he wants them to answer a question

Tries to work in field trips when he can

But he’s not just all fun and games

He’s definitely very willing to stay back after lessons to help students work out the knots in their head

The only time students get scared of Jae:

When he debates too fiercely with them on model UN

Sorry

It’s in his blood

He loves arguing for a living

He will argue at every chance he gets

Even against his students

But other than that

He’s a very chill teacher

To sum it up

Teacher Jae is very much like Teacher Sungjin

Not much emotions in class

But outside of class

He will do anything for his students

He will stick by them

Until they become better and believe in themselves

YOUNG K

Secondary school teacher

Honestly Brian as a teacher is the easiest to write for so here goes!

Young K as a teacher would be so well-loved by everyone

but not because he's overly lenient / overly nice to them

He's well-loved for the right reasons

As a teacher he's the right mix of tough and soft

At this awkward of age learning to be a teenager, most kids will have a hard time adjusting to new bodily and emotional changes and I feel like Brian as a teacher would be really helpful with easing students into being an teenager

For this bunch of awkward teenagers still trying to find their identity, his honest advice would be really helpful in getting them to understand themselves and the world that they're still trying to figure.

He'll also be really attentive to those that get left out, always remembering to include them in class discussions by for example, calling them to answer questions. Similar to how he'll always laugh at Wonpil's jokes even when others are not paying attention.

He'll also be really good for this age group because he's very aware of the feelings of his students, which helps at this stage when some of them might still be sensitive.

When a student makes a joke that might potentially hurt another, he knows how to rein in the former without hurting them as well, thus saving both groups of students from potentially being hurt emotionally.

he also has enough child-like wonder in him to keep up with the enthusiasm of some boisterous students

As teenagers, they'll still get easily excited about things and Brian would help to fuel that excitement / passion by participating in their activities.

For example, if they ask him to act silly with them for class performances, Brian would surely join in and be willing to be as silly as he can possibly be with them. (Cue Old K outfit from Youth Encore concert)

Overall, Brian's personality is so versatile which is perfectly suited for the wide range of personalities he'll meet in teenagers

It really helps him connect with all of them

And this emotional connection in their formative years will make him a very memorable and well-loved teacher for years to come

WONPIL

Definitely a kindergarten teacher

There is no doubt on this

Nope

No one can change my mind on this

Not one bit

Wonpil just has so much child-like energy in him he is the PERFECT fit for being a kindergarten teacher

When the kids show him something they made / drew, he'll have the ability to match their level of excitement and make the children feel so loved and validated for their efforts

Which i feel is extremely important since kids began forming impressions at this stage and Being ignored might lead them to gradually close off / lose their passion for their interests

Wonpil will be that beacon that keeps the flame of passion burning bright in their little bodies

Always asking them what each item they drew is

Why they chose to write this poem on this particular subject

But this also means he’s prone to burn out at the end of the day because he does his best to give his utmost attention to each child

But no worries

Come a new day

When they greet him with a enthusiastic greeting early in the morning after their parents drop them off

Gone is his fatigue and all that’s left is a warm fuzzy feeling in him and a wide smile on his face

Might occasionally lose a kid when out on field trips because there’s just so many of them and only one him

But no worries

Turns out the kids are just playing hide and seek with him and they eventually come out of hiding

Finally feels like he can breathe again when he sees them

Carries the little rascal in his arms for the rest of the field trip

Until everyone else clamours to be carried by Teacher Wonpil

That’s when all hell breaks loose

But thankfully

He’s got a good team of teachers to help him rein in the little ones

Also the type to stay back in the centre till late at night until the parent of the last child comes by to pick their child after working overtime

Never complains though

Just sends a smile their way and reminds them to rest early before cleaning and locking up

Also the type to look out for any kids that might have trouble interacting with the rest of them

Coaxes them out from their corner using every method possible

Magic, acting silly – you name it, he’s done it

Really gives his whole soul and body into making sure every kid under him feels loved and included

When they cry

He holds them close and pats their back until they’ve stopped crying / they’ve fallen asleep

During naptime

Tucks each child in so carefully that other teachers try so hard not to shed a tear watching how much care and love he gives each kid

Cries every Teacher’s Day when his kids shower him with so much love and presents

By the end of the day

His eyes are puffy and red from all the crying done

Meanwhile his hands are full with all the presents he’s gotten over the course of the day he struggles to even wave to say goodbye to his kids

All in all

Kids love him

Parents adore him to bits

The other teachers consider him the real gem on the team

Wins ‘Best Teacher’ award every year

But the other teachers aren’t even jealous

Because they all know he truly deserves it

DOWOON

Drum teacher

Sorry but I can’t see this cute fluffball as an educator in a formal setting

As a drum teacher

Dowoon is chill

Like super chill

Has a lesson plan

But does not follow it strictly

He teaches his kids the basics

But lets them free later

They can play whatever song they want

But the moment they start singing along and lyrics contain profanities

His eyes get wide

His ears get all red

And he immediately turns down the music before telling them that they can’t sing that song

Sweats bullets for the rest of the lesson

With the young ones

He’s very patient

Teaches them step by step until they get it right

If they need more help

He’s willing to give them extra lessons

At no extra charge

As long as the student truly wants to learn

He will put in the same effort to help them excel

For those that are slightly better

He challenges them with tougher pieces

The tempo is faster

There is more variation in the beats

By the end

This kid is probably sweating buckets and completely tired

But when Dowoon extends the bottle of water to them before shooting them a thumbs up

They are ready for round 2

Very accepting of students of all abilities

He makes it a point to include every single student at the annual drum concert

And when I say every single one

I really mean every single one

No one gets left behind under Teacher Dowoon

He might seem forgetful

But Teacher Dowoon actually has a great memory

He prepares small gifts and cards for each student during their birthday

Often times it is an encouraging message appreciating the student for their efforts

Which motivates his kids to continue to work harder

Even years after they’ve graduated from his drum academy

They still thank him in their award winning speeches

And sends their kids to be taught by him

Just like how Dowoon is loved by the entire universe

His students love Teacher Dowoon in the same way

And he truly asks for nothing more

Then for his students to be happy doing what they love and to grow up being a good person

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jackednephi · 5 years

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Hello! Apologies for sending in an ask so late. I just wanted to reach out because I'm not in such a great place right now. I was wondering, if you found out about your being queer at a fairly young age, how you managed to stay in the closet?? (And, you know, remaining alright, mentally) my parents are extremely homophobic, and it's tearing me apart, especially because I really care about them. Any advice would be great, even if it's not much. Best of luck in everything, and thank you so much ♥️

so tumblr doesn’t always let me know when i have messages >(

that said, i’ll do my best to respond but like it’s going to be long and convoluted so imma include a cut to save dash space. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND i am polyamorous, agender/trans, pansexual, and demiromantic. so like there are various facets of my queerness and they all played into my life differently

feel free to skip close to the end for like “how to stealth” if you don’t have the spoons for like a 20 page autobiography with annotated bibliography

so finding out about being queer is a question that has both a yes and a no answer. it’s more like i was experiencing queerness but didn’t have words for it, then repressed it, then dealt with it. so it’s less “i knew ever since i could form words to describe it” and more my journey was in no way linear

see when i was little, like really little yknow when you start getting your first crushes right around prek and stuff, i had all kinds of crushes. i had crushes on multiple people at once and this has continued straight into adulthood. so, like, sign one of being poly. my friends would have one person they would hardcore crush on whereas i was crushing on people around me, characters in fiction, just like so many people. i remember listing crushes in my journals every now and then and i’d have lists of upwards and over like 20. :/ so i am in no way surprised i’m poly

so far as my sexuality, i didn’t realize i was feeling for certain female friends what i was feeling for boys. partly because i’d be like “oh i want to hold his hand” and because i saw m/f couples holding hands all the time i was like ah! yes! obviously romantic! but i never saw any f/f relationships so i didn’t make the connection that the hand holding wasn’t a friend feeling. i had INTENSE crushes on girls too, just as intense as on boys. but i was used to the media portraying rival nonsense like hannah montana and whatnot so i was like “oh. this is my situation”

there was also a lot of repressing going on because i just didn’t see that reflected around me from media to adults. all i saw were m/f relationships. i knew gay people existed but i thought they were all gay men. when i was somewhere around like 10 or so, give or take, i realized i was crushing on my best friend at the time (a girl) and was like “no. absolutely not” shoved that as far back as possible and ignored it

my demiromanticism is more born of trauma than me being born that way and that’s ok. one of my close friends found out about one of my crushes in the second grade and i was RELENTLESSLY bullied for it. every time i got a crush on somebody, i would end up HARDCORE bullied or they would get weird and things would be awful. i also had boys shove their crushes onto me and not take no for an answer. like i’d have my bra snapped painfully, bugs shoved down my shirt, my stuff vandalized, hair pulled just because i wasn’t interested

like when i was 12, somebody started a rumor that i was pregnant :/ and that’s not even covering my abusive ex or the sexual assaults so like everything kind of came together for that

then there’s my gender. which is its own bucket of worms and kind of played in with my sexuality in certain ways

my parents are boomers, born in 50 and 58. “but vann,” you say, confused “you were born at the end of 94″ and you are correct! i inherited pcos from my mother so i’ll let you put 2 and 3 together as to why i was born in 94 and my brother in 96. i say that because, unlike their peers, they raised my brothers and i radically different from the accepted cultural norms

if i wanted to wear baggy shorts, that was cool. pretty dresses? whatever. same (kind of) went for my brothers. if they wanted to spend a lot of time on their appearance, that was fine and not shamed at all. in fact, it was encouraged because it made them feel good. i played with army men, barbie dolls, cars, a train set, tools, swords, sports stuff, had tea parties with stuffed animals, drew and crafted, etc etc. my younger brother played house with me (and often suggested it himself) and would play with my baby dolls. like had my younger brother wanted a doll, they would’ve gotten it for him. but i had them so he didn’t bother asking for one cause he could borrow mine

so like there was no gender segregation of toys or activities. and that sounds kind of like the bare minimum of parenting but you have to remember that both of my parents grew up in the rural south as boomers. gender roles were violently enforced for them. but they didn’t think about enforcing them for us so far as play and, to a certain extent, dress/grooming was concerned. this created a safe environment for us to be our true selves

so for a very long time, i was comfy saying i was a girl. i played basketball after school and then afterwards would find my prettiest dress and watch scooby doo. gender expression was fast and loose in my house

i contribute that a lot to the fact that my father was too disabled to work. even before then, he had been a nurse and a damn good one. my father has ALWAYS been the go to for when we were sick, injured, etc. my mother had this disconnect with how much concern to show. it was either too much or not enough and was pretty much never helpful. even after retiring, when my nephews came around he was the go to caretaker for them. even now at 70, he frequently goes back to where the children are during family gatherings and keeps watch. much like a mother hen

so he stayed home and did the cleaning and other “wifely” duties. not cooking though because his brain just cannot. my mother worked as a high school teacher so typical roles were entirely reversed. when i was tiny and wanted nothing more than to be a parent? you go, sweetie! when i was older and wanted to be a scientist? achieve your dreams, kiddo! like they were very supportive of my goals no matter what they were

so i just??? didn’t realize????? until i hit puberty somewhere around 9

talk about body dysphoria. i went from looking like my brother and every other kid my age to wow ok there’s hair now??? and my face is all weird???? and oh no why does my tummy feel funny?????????? (sexual arousal was a TRIP to discover as a third grader that i would not wish on any child ever) oh my god WHAT IS ON MY CHEST!? and grown men are hitting on me now??? oh no i’m in fourth grade and bleeding!?

it was not a fun time by a long shot. i started wearing the baggiest tshirts i could possibly find. anything to hide my freakish body, really. so many hoodies. i would swing wildly between hyper feminine expression with tight clothes and heels and hiding everything as much as possible. part of me was smug about being ahead of my peers, for adults to be treating me as more than a kid. but a LOT of me felt like a freak

maturing (mentally) into an adult was a wild experience. i was 13 and looked like i was 21 except for my face. i did everything possible to find comfort with myself from goth/emo expression ro masculine stuff people threw “dyke” at me for and then finally, weaponized femininity. tight tops, tight pants, shortest skirts i could get away with, eyeliner so sharp it could cut god, heels as often as i could including uniform days, perfect hair. i made myself look like a hot, unapproachable goddess

finally, people were too intimidated to approach me and comment on my appearance. i wore makeup like a mask and people who had known me for YEARS were surprised to find out just how big my chest really was. but i walked with murder in my eyes and i was finally treated the same was i was before puberty - completely unapproachable

ALL THAT IN MIND, here’s how i figured my shit out

i was on facebook seeing “gay, straight, black or white, marriage is a civil right” and being typically “it’s a sacred ordinance shyaddap” about it. i ended up on tumblr about idk 15 or so? note, i’d already discovered porn by this time so i was aware that lesbians existed. like just to throw that out there that i wasn’t like totally in the dark when i made my tumblr account. i did it for school to blog about shakespeare for an english assignment. and that’s when my world expanded

bisexual? wow ok! that was a thing! and oh. oh no

there were pretty girls

and pretty boys and pretty people whose gender i had no idea. cosplayers cosplaying as the opposite gender, trans people, and a whole rainbow of people i was suddenly finding attractive. and i had a HARDCORE identity crisis

i liked girls? but was it the same as boys? was i bisexual? that didn’t seem to fit. there was more than two genders right? and trans people existed? bi? was i bi? bi?

bi. probably

but it didn’t feel comfortable like at all. but i discovered a fanfic writer who talked about being pansexual and i looked it up and everything just clicked?? into place????

not to be overdramatic or anything but it was like the stars finally aligned. it felt SO good! so many genders! and it meant all and aliens are a thing, right? who was i to say no to the possibility? but, more than anything, it felt comfortable. like a hug from my grandma. like home

i wanted to scream from the rooftops that i’d figured it out! i found myself! pansexual! I WAS PANSEXUAL! THAT WAS ME! HOME!

and then the reality of living in our society crashed down on me. i continued to talk about the guys i liked around my family but never EVER the girls. i hid my relationship with the person who eventually became my wife. to be fair, i’d hidden all my relationships prior cause i was an IDIOT and had been dating before 16. so that wasn’t hard. but what was was the breakup

previously, i’d been like “you remember that guy i like? he’s a jerk” or some other excuse to cry to my mother. but i couldn’t about cake. so i cried to my bff/twin/sister like i had everything else and moved on. and i just kind of shut up about it to everybody except those closest to me

except that hurt. here i was knowing i was queer and happy about it but people were being homophobic. i don’t know how often i cried myself to sleep after hearing about “those dirty f*gs” cause of the marriage thing. i ended up quietly coming out to my favorite teacher and she dismissed it as trauma response to my then recent sexual assault. she had seemed safe but that was her reaction so i shut up about it

up until, ironically, coming out day october 2011 just before turning 17 that next month. my mother and i were at chilis, she was being homophobic, and i screamed for the whole restaurant to hear that i was queer and the whole base found out. hard to stay closeted after that

i was pretty much out until college when i started going to church in a new place. i just didn’t talk about my sexuality. ever. period. and it was “easy” because i was dating guys. and pretty sure i was a cis woman. so i was stealth passing. and that was ok with me because i was out on campus, vocally and unapologetically

in high school, i dated a trans guy. he introduced me like in a personal way to transness, to binding. i knew i wasn’t a man but it intrigued me. and in college where nobody knew me, nobody knew me as femme fatale black widow i had a chance to explore my gender. i discovered that loose tshirts made me feel really good. as did other comfy things like shorts and sweats. sometimes i wanted to look fancy or felt like wearing a dress. really, i kind of reverted back to who i was in childhood

i felt weird when i heard my birth name. i’d gone by a nickname for so long, i just chopped off the y (vanny) to vann so it sounded more adult. it felt good. so i identified, tentatively, as nonbinary. it was around this time the trans dude i dated and i fell out with each other because he thought me playing around with my gender was like mocking his transness. or something. idk dude was toxic trash

so i wasn’t male or female then? nah that didn’t feel right. i wasn’t some third androgynous gender. but sometimes binding and passing as a man felt good and sometimes passing as a woman felt good. genderfluid then? was i a man who liked to wear dresses? no. didn’t feel right. made me uncomfortable

eventually, things clicked for me with agender the way they had with pansexual the fall of my third year of undergrad. stars aligned, the universe smiled upon me, and i was THRILLED. like gender euphoria is REAL and never before had i felt so comfortable in my own skin. i remember literally weeping with joy. like i’d been going with they/them/their for a couple years at that point

i came out to my parents about that one pretty shortly after realizing it because i was OVERJOYED. they’d been working on calling me vann for awhile at that point and the pronouns. i’ve since learned that so long as soebody has my name, 90% of the time i legit do not care what pronouns somebody uses. im aware that people perceive me differently and it’s fine. i mean neutral pronouns fill me with euphoria but like it’s fine. so long as somebody doesn’t mistake me for cis

my parents are like so great about it now. they correct people who deadname me (except my grandma cause she’s like 85 and i gave her permission years ago) and my mother straight cut contact with family members who refuse to respect me. except my brothers but like she makes it clear whenever they’re going to be awful that she WILL NOT tolerate it. like they don’t dare trash me in front of our father. he’s old now but he will backhand one of my brothers for that and they know it. so they try it with our mom and she’s like “try it again and you won’t hear from me until you apologize for trashing your sister”

i realized i was poly when cake came back into my life. that was a serious mess involving their abusive ex girlfriend but we clicked and it ended up working so yknow. that was my easiest coming out actually. my parents were like “yknow, you always seemed to love people when you were a kid. and you had SO many crushes. makes sense” which was awesome. it was the most difficult emotionally but the easiest because i’d already come out twice before so it was whatever

the demi thing was discovered in therapy. and like it doesn’t have much in the way of impact like the other things do. so i never really came out about that? there wasn’t really a point? like i talk about it when it comes up but it’s just whatever. i honestly have no idea if i ever told my family?????

WITH THAT NONSENSE IN MIND, HERE’S HOW TO STEALTH AND BE OK MENTALLY

you said homophobic so im gonna assume you’re not straight. no idea about gender and, honestly, so far as gender goes i’ve seen it’s safer to lean into masculinity than it is femininity. so if you’re amab, i don’t really have tips or tricks for that as i’m afab. with being afab, lean into the tomboy aesthetic so you seem acceptably (safely) your assigned gender. i recommend fun lipstick and nail polish colors. sparkly nails did wonders for me honestly

but for like not straightness. that’s a tightrope that is but a gossamer thread to balance. like there are ways to stealth gender expression and feel affirmed but queerness is a different animal or it was for me

so i had AT LEAST one space in my life where i was 100%, unapologetically, loudly out. like i’m here, i’m queer and flying my rainbow flag and not at all sorry about it OUT. for awhile, it was just my very closest friends in the whole world. then it was tumblr. then i made a facebook for people irl i could trust. 0 family and 0 people who couldn’t be chill about it

like having a carved space for you to just be the authentic you, whatever that is. for me, that’s all this queer mess, the polycule that is my family, my faith, my absolutely foul mouth, my mental illnesses, my love of good coffee or a glass of wine every now and then as a rare treat, the good and the bad the ugly and the uncategorizable all together. the struggle with the word of wisdom AND the love of my spouses. all of that

it’s affirming to have this space where you’re yourself and people accept you for who you are rather than what gets your engine revving. but you’ve also got to try and stealth that into wherever you can. you want a dyke spike? go for it and say it’s a pixie cut. plaids are in right now which is a lowkey signal to other queers you’re a queer too no matter your gender. just depends on what shoe you pair it with and other queers will take notice while non queers will just think you’re trendy

it was also fun for me to get that pan flag aesthetic wherever i could. like blue/pink galaxy type eyeshadow that wasn’t too peacock flashy so it looked Hot without being Obvious and a pink lipstick and yellow nails. like it was subtle but i knew what was going on and it felt good. i did the same with rainbows but i had more to work with there. like i’d have an inconspicuous notebook where i’d paint/paste a rainbow on the inside cover so that it was Normal from the outside and BAM! GAY! on the inside. did that with highlighting my notes too

i just kind of stuck it everywhere i could possibly get away with. people were excited to see me go from emo to bring colors becuase “oh wow! you’re finally not sad!” lol no i’m just stealth queer over here

i also wrote SO MUCH queer fanfiction. i didn’t publish any of it just in case but i have notebooks full of stuff. i also rped with people as a way to live vicariously through characters. i also READ a lot of queer fanfiction actually. i saved all kinds of fanart and photo manipulations of certain pairings together. like i couldn’t be out so i could have fiction where others were

i also poured myself into hobbies. i fenced, did karate, learned japanese, participated in drama club, played in a band, took piano lessons, taught myself to draw, journaled, learned to cook, read amazing books, played video games, learned to sing. like i’m sure there are other things i’m forgetting? basically, if it was EVER covered in a young women’s activity pretty much anywhere in the world, i learned at least those basic skills. like i can embroider now even

so like that’s how i stealthed and stayed sane. i was also in therapy where i was out to whatever therapist i was seeing at the time which ABSOLUTELY helped. i also made like queer playlists i would listen to. like same love, i kissed a girl, born this way, etc that i would listen to when i needed to just sink into it. music in general is super cathartic and i’ve gotta say green day, acdc, evanescence, bon jovi, etc got me through some tough shit

i also yelled at god. i yelled at god a LOT actually. like i know we get told “pray for comfort” but sometimes you need to bawl your eyes out and just SCREAM at the almighty. dude can take it. he’s god after all. he can handle our anger. it isn’t disrespectful. like if you ever do cross a line, he’ll let you know. like your thoughts will hard stop. you’ll know

but empty your lungs screaming in pain. let him know it isn’t fair, you’re not happy. beg for relief from the nightmares you’re living. demand to know if or when it’ll ever get better. burn yourself out yelling and crying and fall asleep drenched in tears. then wake up the next day and live your life and you know what?

you’ll feel better. maybe not a lot sometimes and maybe everything is cool for once in forever. but it definitely helped me a lot. like dude listens and you WILL feel better even if the things around you dont get better. you get some strength to get through and be ok and it’s super helpful

but that’s what i got. also bear in mind that i came out to thousands of people by yelling at my mother in a restaurant when all the ships were in because everybody in said restaurant texted everybody they knew and my texts were flooded in like an hour of “DON’T TELL ME YOU CAME OUT TO YOUR MOM LIKE THAT OMG” and “you’re queer!?” so like

i’m not the best when it comes to stealth queering so take my advice with a grain of salt

#long post #like reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyy long post #i cannot overemphasize how long this post is #advice #i tried :/#Anonymous #anon #vannswers

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likos064 · 5 years

Text

More Free-Thought Ramblings

Posting again, though no one’s listening

RAMBLING 8

The one person on The X-Files that Miles Robbins looks the most alike is Billy Miles. More than Krychek or any version of the Cigarette Smoking Man (Chris Owens or the new guy).

It is amusing that the casting department of Twin Peaks didn’t care about parents and children looking alike, thus hiring the actor who played Scully’s father, Don S. Davis to play the father of Bobby Brigss, portrayed by Dana Ashbrook, who has dark hair and that kid looking more like Miles Robbins, however, that doesn’t mean that anyone resembles anyone. It is just a fun observation. Especially since they were more careful about making the Scully siblings look alike, and have a small resemblance to their father, but not mother. Why no one has dark haired when their mother has is a genetical mystery, recessive redhead line in her blood?

RAMBLING 9

I would argue that the child most fucked up by the Scully-Family dynamic is Bill. I don’t know Charlie as a person besides being absent at every family crisis and using his older sister as a baby sitter, per Home she babysat her nephews who watched Babe the entire time. However, from what we learn in One Breath and Christmas Carol, Melissa did whatever the fuck she wanted. In Anazazi, deleted scene, she stays with Maggie, and she doesn’t seem to have returned before Scully is in a coma. It seems like Mulder is the only support Maggie had during Scully’s abduction. Bill is introduced during the cancer arc, and then when he is to have his long awaited child, he and Tara had fertility issues. I think Bill tried to be the man but was crushed under the enormity of his father. So he became a stricter version. Bill Scully Sr seems way less overbearing.

Maggie is abusive and emotionally manipulative when the only time her daughter calls her is when she needs something.

Would someone run to a person that they only have an obligation bond with when they are scared, and sad. Scully runs to Maggie when she believes Mulder is dead, meets up with Melissa first - who sucks at comfort, and asks for her mother and when she believes that he is part of the conspiracy. She feels safe with her mother. Why? Calling her mother when she needs someone to talk to in Within.

Vilifying good characters and defending evil ones.

The insistence on making women who are portrayed as cruel towards Mulder victims; flawed and imperfect as we all are while not giving the same consideration to men: Bill Mulder vs Teena Mulder, Phoebe and Diana vs Jeffrey Spender.

When should Maggie have defended Mulder to Bill? Scully never does it either.

Scully and Mulder being dismissive of Melissa’s spirituality

Maggie only following her daughter’s wishes in One Breath, it is in accordance with Scully’s living will.

RAMBLING X

Chris Carter’s writing focus being the message, not necessarily the plot but the greater societal commentary.

Vince Gilligan focusing on character, always character and not necessarily Mulder and Scully

Glen and James clearly showing their disdain for Mulder and David in their writing and that being rationalised as writing for both characters and writing the true Mulder and Scully.

MSI being about Mulder

MSII being about Scully

MSIII being about the Cigarette Smoking Man

MSIV being about William/Jackson

The breakup not being Chris Carters construct, but he being forced to take the public blame. The other writers giving much more of a mileage than Chris. Chris writing Plus One, but having to explain in an interview that they aren’t back together, referencing the later episodes particularly Rm9sbG93XJz (Followers) and Nothing Lasts Forever.

Glen and James never wanted Scully with Mulder. They wrote Scully the victim of the man who will simply never be worthy of her in their eyes. She can do whatever she wants and he is just supposed to be there without any thoughts and feelings of his own. A silent, nay silenced stoic rock that she can lean on when she needs him. That doesn’t exist outside of her.

Chris always seeing Mulder and Scully together but focusing on the spiritual romantic platonic connection, same as Gillian did with Scully and Daniel in all things, and not the sexual one.

Chris being blamed for other writers decisions. James seemingly killing off Jackson in Ghouli, the parallel to All Souls, somehow becoming Chris’ fault.

Kristen Cloke Morgan and Shannon Hambling arguing that a woman cannot exist as a person if she is with a man.

The obsession with equality in number of lines in Followers, but no real critique at the sidelining of David and Mulder in Home Again and Ghouli.

The Scully Effect panel complaining that Mulder gets one line about his son in Familiar. Whiie the entire episode of Ghouli focuses on Scully’s feelings about her son.

The MSR fandoms female contingents hatred of men.

Glen Morgan and James Wong coming back to finish what they started in season four. Separate Scully and Mulder, destroying any chance of a romance, destroying any connection by having Scully sign Mulder into a mental institution.

Leaving him over a clinical depression.

Equality meaning equality not preferential treatment.

Scully’s sister and Mulder’s father both being killed in the season 2/season 3 three parter. Season 3 being about Scully getting justice for her sister. Mulder’s father’s death being swept under the carpet and unexplored.

RAMBLING 11

Questions: Who named Jackson, Chris or James, or rather renamed him? - commentary: Chris refers to him as William in his cue cards for the episodes, while James uses Jackson - so probably James

Does the renaming mean something?

Is it a hint that we should question Mulder’s paternity, William being named after his father, Fox Mulder’s father, William Mulder to ascertain paternity in Existence.

Name something and make it yours.

RAMBLING 12

If Mulder and Scully had a sixteen-year-old living with them in This said child would’ve ended up in the middle of a gun fight - their home not being safe. If the kid is at school or at a friend’s house to explain the absence, mom or dad would have to call/send a message so the kid stay safe. However, that could alert the bad guys to the kids present and they might use the kid to draw out the parents in a hostage situation.

RAMBLING 13

FOX the network waiting such a long time to announce a hiatus for The X-Files despite having filmed Conversation on the Fox Lot in January at the TCA.

RAMBLING 14

Gillian announcing that she is not doing anymore season of The X-Files after filming the first five episodes: My Struggle III, This, Plus One, The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat and Ghouli. Her and David’s Conversation on the Fox Lot centring around their age taking a toll on them in action scenes. Making her run, the handcuffs drawing blood. Is it the physicality of The X-Files that makers her reluctant to continue? The most physically taxing episode for her was This, sliding under a table, running, fighting and running in handcuffs. They also spend more time on camera when doing The X-Files than their other projects. I guess that is what happens when you’re not doing a traditional ensemble show.

RAMBLING 15

Emily - The doctor trying to confer fatherhood on Mulder but Scully denying it while claiming motherhood.

RAMBLING 16

The debunking of regression hypnosis. Malleability of memories. Convincing people they killed someone through memory manipulation experiment

RAMBLING 17

The ridiculing of men, the pedestalizing of women

Personal preference of actor guiding the writing, humiliating David. Also present in fanfic, writers taking their frustations of David leaving the show out on Mulder. Interestingly such a practice has never been done against Gillian. No matter how angry people get with her they never punish Scully.

Penalising of male actors, sunflower seeds, hanging off buildings

Men deserve to be punished, evil = men, male

RAMBLING 18

Infantilising Mulder, making him a flat farther, even as a joke

Difference between not doing something because of time prioritising and inability to complete a task due to executive function disabilities, never learning how to do it = not equating with incompetence, stupidity

Ignoring Scully’s issues, disturbing tendencies in discussions other than to defend Iolocus.

RAMBLING 19

Writing about the separation, which isn’t necessary and only TV show related, as a failure of one person = read male

RAMBLING 20

Blaming Mulder for MSR not happening sooner, ignoring Scully not being ready or willing to date him before all things, dedicated relationship.

Complaining and ridiculing Mulder’s need for Scully’s consent while complaining about men’s inability to ask for consent, their ignoring consent when it’s not given, and assuming that they always have consent.

Ignoring that Mulder has to make every move, and complaining when that doesn’t happen quickly enough.

Inability to understand that men can be scared of being in a relationship for the same reasons as women, and not dismiss it as commitment issues.

RAMBLING 21

The double standards in the fandom, anything is okay as long as the writer is a woman, see people complaining about scenes in episodes written by women and blaming it on Chris Carter, not remembering who wrote it or being allowed to do anything in fanfics without being criticised.

Defending Mulder torture fanfics while calling Chris a misogynist for anything horrible that happens to Scully. Ignoring any pain dealt to men. Making Scully the only victim. Minimising Mulder being hospitalised more than Scully, kidnapped and endangered more, while insisting that Scully is always portrayed by Chris as a damsel in distress. Equality can’t happen when we can’t hurt both main characters.

Perpetuating the stereotype that women’s violence against men is funny and or acceptable.

Assault is assault even when it happens to a man and even when the assaulter is a woman. Anything you would call assault if it happens to Scully is assault when it happens to Mulder.

RAMBLING 22

That feeling when you realise James Wong cast Jackson (William) for season 11 after writing Mulder/Scully’s dreams about him in season 10 and the kids looking nothing alike.

RAMBLING 23

After thinking about it I don’t believe that David Duchovny’s Mulder has PTSD after his abduction episode would’ve been so happily received. Even now when people write about Mulder and Scully post his abduction it is always with the implication that he is in the wrong. That he should “man up” for Scully and the baby’s sake. An episode written by David would most likely have been much more sympathetic to Mulder, and quite possibly have been quite Mulder-centric. Justifying his need to find balance before taking on the role as a father, which is something he has to assume rather than know.

RAMBLING

Where does the idea that Mulder is not kind or attentive so that Scully would be surprised if he shows kindness coming from?

RAMBLING 24

Related Rambling, but I’m still waiting for that answer.

Paternity of William being an issue due to the implication of lack of consent. Would you be okay if Mulder wasn’t William’s biological father because Scully slept with another man while dating Mulder, tried IVF with someone different - someone else that she knew or an anonymous donor? Which method is preferred? What is more important Mulder being Jackson’s biological father or his creation being consensual?

Let’s stop pretending. Make William’s Scully’s alone and Glen Morgan and James Wong can finally write what they want to, the Scully panel won’t be pissed that Mulder got one line about their son in Familiar, and all the pain and all the feelings can be hers alone, like they already are.

#x-files #ramblings #season 1-11 #curiosity killed the cat #when no one responds did you write anything #a post like a tree in the woods #when no one hears the fall

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 6 years

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This post is full of misinformed, misinterpreted and out of context shit.

· There is NO hard canonical timeline for Peter’s ages for when he began acting as a hero. At best sources stating he was 15 upon getting his powers and ASm #400’s backup strip claiming that he was 16 the night he caught the burglar is how you can arrive at the conclusion he aged into being 16 by the time he began acting as a hero. But it’s vague as fuck and both 15 and 16 are retcons. Originally Peter was written to be a senior in the Ditko run. However it makes more sense if Peter was 15 both when he got his powers and when he began acting as a hero as Mysterio (debuting in ASM #13) claimed in ASM #24 that he’s hated Spider-Man for years implying at least 2 years elapsed between that issue and his debut

· Spider-Man circa the time this post was written was not 30 years old. He was actually older than that if you do the math properly. Do not be fooled by Learning to Crawl’s assertion he was merely 28 circa 2014 he was actually 30 years old circa OMD in 2007. So no he has egregiously more than 14 years worth of experience.

· The list of characters Peter’s been active longer than is highly flawed due to the inclusion of Captain America, the Guardians and Jessica Jones.

Whilst the essential sentiment is accurate it’s misleading because Jessica Jones first appearance was not when she canonically began to be active in the silver age (the 1960s). Captain America of course was active in WWII and then put on ice until the early days of the Marvel Age where the F4 debuted meaning he was most experienced by like decades ahead of Spider-Man. And the Guardians debut date listed is in reference to the ORIGINAL Guardians of the Galaxy. These Guardians were not Gamora, Star-Lord, Groot, etc. These were a group of heroes from the far future of an alternate marvel universe.

So great research there.

· The post states that 5 years real time = 1 year for the MU. Actually it’s 4 OR 5 and more commonly 4

· Yes Spider-Man was indeed widely disliked by most heroes but the OP idiotically claims it was because he was a jerk.

No. It was because Jameson slandered his name. Spider-Man’s jerkish behaviour was the result of three major factors.

Firstly it was the fact that many heroes outright disrespected him. for instance the Avengers not only insulted him verbally and antagonized him but they had the audacity to try and test his worthiness to join their team after only recently accepting former criminals Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch and Hawkeye onto their team. As a reminder the former two were affiliated with mutant terrorist Magneto and the latter with Communist spy Black Widow. None of them were ever tested, the Maximoffs just wrote a letter asking to join and that was it.

Secondly in the Silver and Bronze age ALL heroes in Marvel were jerks to one another. It was a conscious effort to differentiate themselves from DC. It isn’t something to be taken too seriously.

Thirdly Peter was well beyond most other heroes straining under immense pressures which would serve to make ANYONE uptight. These were pressures most other heroes simply never dealt with.

· The OP claims Peter picked fights to prove how tough and manly he was. This is not only ignorant of 1960s societal standards for the time but is also an overly comdemnatory reading of the character

See these for more on that

https://hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger.tumblr.com/post/163322233001/in-a-recent-exchange-i-had-with-somebody-they

https://hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger.tumblr.com/post/168252199132/fyeahspiderverse-ask-me-ask-me-ask#notes

This poster takes an oversimplified and highly pretentious sociological approach to the character that is ignorant of the character’s proper in context psychology or how many real life people would think, feel or act.

Noticably (and this is much later on in the post) she talks about the character revelling in violence when MOST superheroes are just like that and more poignantly the ‘revelling’ involved is a character harming objectively evil people the overwhelming majority of the time.

He gets brutal in the course of a brutal life dealing with brutal people doing horribly brutal things.

Does he lose his temper from time to time?

Yeah...but EVERY PERSON ON EARTH DOES THAT...and most people on Earth are not coping with the insane levels of personal stress being placed upon Spider-Man.

The OP I am willing to bet does not deal with anything CLOSE to the amount of horrible experiences and stresses Spider-Man himself does.

· The OP paints Peter is a disgustingly negative light. Listing how he is oudmouthed, proud, independent, stubborn, touchy, cocky, judgmental, and he has one hell of a temper that he typically can barely keep under control. He has a firm sense of justice, of what’s right and what’s wrong, and if he’s made up his mind, he will not budge.

This is BS because not only are there numerous instances of Peter having his mind changed but Peter being ‘touchy’ is usually owed a fuckton more to the situations he finds himself in and the stresses he’s coping with. FFS Peter for the first 18 years of his life has no friends and was bullied and ostracised. OF COURSE HE’D BE TOUCHY!

Similarly his’ barely controllable temper’ was a feature more during the silver and bronze age when writing standards for many superheroes was very different from what it’d later evolve into and the character was a lot younger too.

YES Peter has had moments where his temper breaks in later stories but they were situational.

But what’s gross about the OP is that she lists of all this stuff as part of Peter’s personality and then lists nothing else.

Nothing else.

Peter’s kindness?

Peter’s sense of loyalty?

Peter’s sense of you know...responsibility?

Peter’s sheer decency?

Peter’s ‘never say die’ attitude?

Peter’s sense of humour?

Peter’s fondness for learning?

Peter NOT being as judgemental as the OP is grossly pretending he is considering he never once held Flash Thompson once assaulting his girlfriend, Betty cheating on her husband or many other bad things his friends have done against them?

Which showcases an incredibly forgiving nature to the character.

· The OP claims Spider-Man REVELS in violence and loves fighting.

No Spider-Man loves blowing off steam with action which MOST superheroes do. It’s not a Peter thing it’s a genre convention thing and needs to be properly looked at WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF THE GENRE CONVENTIONS of the series and Marvel in general.

Does Spider-Man love beating up bad guys?

I think he certainly gets a certain thrill out of it, but he rarely seriously injures them unless the situation is serious or else he’s been pushed hard.

In the 1980s the violence Peter was witnessing in various street crimes actually served to seriously affect him and he wanted to quit.

Shit he’s wanted to quit COUNTLESS times and it’s his sense of responsibility that keeps him in the game.

That is NOT someone who just ‘loves’ fighting or ‘revels’ in violence.

· “He punches first and asks questions much, much later. ”

Again bullshit. Not only have there been instances where Spidey has asked questions first but this interpretation of Spider-Man is extremely flawed not only because it doesn’t properly contextualize genre conventions of the superhero genre (Daredevil and Batman are as ‘guilty’ of this as Spider-Man) but also because 99% of the crimes Spider-Man ‘punches first’ he catches red handed in the middle of the act.

He doesn’t need to ask questions if he sees someone in a ski mask with a gun holding up someone screaming in an alleyway.

He doesn’t need to ask questions when he sees what is obviously a bank robbery in progress.

He doesn’t need to ask questions first if the Rhino is rampaging in Times Square.

It’s OBVIOUS what is happening so his immediate intervention is neccesarry.

· The OP claims Spidey “goes out every night LOOKING for people to beat to a bloody pulp. It’s like his therapy, where he works out his many anger issues (I could write a whole essay on where those come from).”

First of all the OP couldn’t write a whole essay on where Spider-Man’s anger issues come from since she patently misunderstands Spider-Man.

Secondly beating up criminals isn’t Spider-Man’s ‘therepy’ it’s Spider-Man’s way of helping people by reducing the crime rate and protecting innocent civilians.

See ASm #50 where he retires briefly and crime rates spike.

See ASm #500 where he chooses to not prevent his younger self from becoming Spider-Man due to how many people wouldn’t be saved by him.

See EVERY SPIDER-MAN STORY EVER!

Spider-Man doesn’t go out every night looking to beat people to a bloody pulp.

I’m a Liberal and even I think that’s overliberalized bullshit.

If you actually pay attention Spider-Man rarely draws blood when going out on patrol let alone causes any serious physical trauma whatsoever.

More importantly going out on patrol looking for ‘people to beat up’ isn’t his fucking hobby. That’s him using his powers to help people by fighting crime...like the kind that got his Uncle Ben killed perhaps. Fucking idiot.

· “He is not afraid of the unsuperpowered criminals he hunts down because they literally CANNOT LAY A FINGER ON HIM AND HE KNOWS IT AND ALWAYS HAS.”

Yeah.

Remember all those times ‘unsuperpowered criminals’ like the Kingpin or the Enforcers or the Foreigner or Captain fucking America never hit him once?

· “The criminals are terrified of HIM. ”

Some are, some are not.

He isn’t Batman, it’s more they know they have little chance of avoiding capture if Spider-Man’s there. They aren’t actually afraid of him in the way the term ‘terrified’ implies.

They are afraid of him the way they are afraid of Superman. They know Superman isn’t going to hurt them much if at all but they know they’re in for jail if they cross him.

· “He is unstoppable when he’s angry.”

Is that why Daredevil was able to defeat him in the Death of Jean DeWolff when he was angry?

· OP uses Peter complaining how normal crooks are boring as an example of Spider-Man inherent personality and as an example to again paint him in a negative light.

This is BS because the issue is premeditated upon building up his pride before Doc Ock kicks his ass and humbles him.

He rarely if ever displays that kind of attitude towards regular criminals again.

This is also a TEENAGER displaying TEENAGE pride. There is nothing damning about that.

Oh but the character must’ve just inherently been that forever more obviously.

· OP uses Untold Tales #13 as an example of how ‘toxically violent’ Spider-Man is.

Again ignores context.

Spider-Man is a teenager who recently lost his Dad who’s school peer who was his own age violently died very recently and so he was grieving and lashing out.

I knew kids who were children of divorce who lashed out.

That was cause for understanding by my teachers and fellow students.

Peter was dealing with worse but he’s painted negatively and as though this is something inherent to him in this very extenuating circumstance. And he’s comdened by the OP for it. Gross.

Also the OP pretends Spider-Man almost killed the villain in question. He didn’t there is no indication of that. Spidey used too much force after he’d already won but he was never implied to be inflicting any really serious physical trauma.

· The most disgusting thing in the post so far, OP tries to pretend there is a problematic and inherent ‘pattern’ of Peter’s violence by citing how Peter almost killed Norman Osborn after Gwen died.

First of all there was no pattern because Peter didn’t almost kill the Untold Tales villain.

Second of all Peter was DELIBERATELY trying to muder the Green Goblin.

Third of all both instances involve Peter grieving.

Fourth of all the GG incident was when his almost fiancée had just been MURDERED before his eyes by the target of his anger.

Literally ANYONE would’ve felt the same way Peter did.

The OP treats people becoming violently angry against objectively evil people when they have or are very seriously threatening to do horrific things (like murdering innocent people, particularly those Spider-Man has an emotional investment in) as ‘problematic’.

It’s problematic in so far as we shouldn’t ALLOW people in society to go around doing that.

It isn’t problematic in so far as it speaks to inherent negative traits within those people who want to or actually do do those things.

Because let’s not lie to ourselves here.

If someone murdered someone you loved...you’d be angry. You’d want to hurt them. And if they were right in front of you shortly after they’d murdered your loved one and you could you’d inflict pain upon them.

Real talk every parent ever would agree if they’re child was hurt or god forbid abused or murdered they’d want to kill the person who did that.

And the OP disgustingly ignores how Peter DIDN’T kill the Goblin and acknowledged how he almost crossed a serious line having already gone too far.

· OP brings up ANOTHER instance where Spider-Man gets angry and violent to again unsubtley imply it’s so problematic.

Yes in this instance Spider-Man used force unnecessarily whilst angry.

He however inflicted no lasting damage and the person he used it on had just murdered an innocent man who had a family.

· “ASM #177, where, as you can see, he’s downright contemptuous of other people’s attempts to harm him”

Contemptuous was an interpretation of the OP, not something hardcore without a doubt the emotion Spider-Man was going with.

Frankly in the panels showcased i’d say Spidey was more surprised and mocking towards the guy who was again...a huge asshole.

He believed it was his friend Harry who was from Peter’s POV betraying his friendship, had tried to harma dn murder him, Aunt May, Flash and MJ in the past, had hospitalized MJ and at that PARTICULAR moment in the story was wasting Peter’s time as Aunt May’s life was hanging in the balance.

So yes Spider-Man mocked him and hit him.

Shockingly you are allowed to hit people sometimes FFS.

Oh and btw the issue number wasn’t even correct.

· OP uses ASM #189 to further support their case. This is one example where I WOULD agree that the panels legitimately support the agenda they are trying to push.

The problem is that the panels are also OOC.

Spider-Man had never to my recollection ever acted this was towards a doctor before and only particular situations had served to spur him to act this way.

This was part of the Marv Wolfman run where to be brutally honest there was more than a little OOC writing of many characters and an over all regressive approach to Spider-man in particular.

He’s MORE rash and MORE aggressive and MORE of a jerk than he’d been in a long ass time even under Stan Lee’s tenure.

And this made sense because Wolfman pretentiously regarded himself as a Ditko ‘purist’ who believed Spider-Man should never have left high school. And so he wrote Spider-Man in a regressive way to the point where often times, like in the referenced panel from ASM #189 he acted in ways that didn’t make sense for a 22 year old written for 1979 standards vs a teenager written for 1963 standards.

Further proof can be observed in how his writing for Mary jane in her rejection of Peter’s proposal played as though she never developed from the silver age onwards.

· “ASM #193 – this is VERY 616 Peter. He’s frustrated with his personal life, so he decides to take it out (violently) on a bad guy:”

Again...Wolfman’s run, but in this case he is not doing anything particularly wrong within the genre and societal conventions of the time.

Genre conventions dictated that in superhero comic book land hitting criminals is 100% okay because they are bad guys.

Therefore since Spider-Man does that anyway, venting his frustrations into something productive is also okay.

Societal conventions dictated that this was the late 1970s and early 1980s...in New York.

70s and 80s New York was ROUGH and had problems with street crime that got more violent into the 1980s, at least according to the media.

You know how in the Daredevil Netflix show they said because of the Battle of New York Hell’s Kitchen had gone downhill?

That was because they were trying to justify modern day Hell’s Kitchen resembling the kind of dark crime ridden place it was in the 70s and 80s at the height of Daredevil’s popularity.

NYC was ROUGH and that was attributed a lot to crime and so a crime fighter like Spider-Man getting rough would’ve been regarded as fine as would him doing it to vent anger.

The angrier he gets the more criminals he beats up meaning the more go to jail meaning the streets are safer. So all the better.

That was the logic of the time period.

Remember this was the decade that spawned DIRTY HARRY!

This was a decade where Vietnam wrapped up in abject failure and Watergate broke out. People were fucking angry and disillusioned.

And to add further context Marv Wolfman wrote Superman in the 1980s post-crisis era as getting rough with criminals too because Wolfman was a child of the era where both superheroes and crime/gangster stories involved that sort of mentality. His Superman was the Golden Age one who got rough a lot and it was seen as fine because criminals were bad and therefore deserved it.

Now bear all that shit in mind when reading ASM #189...where Spider-Man in hunting down a dangerous super villain who could endure blows from him and whom he’d need to find and stop anyway...whilst he’s coping with Aunt May being in a nursing home, his relationship with MJ whom he is in love with disintegrating, his relationship with Betty also disintegrating and having just taken a punch to the jaw from Ned Leeds his old rival.

YOU CANNOT REMOVE SHIT FROM THE CONTEXT OF THE TIMES THEY WERE CREATED IN!

· More of OP being a disgenuous jerk by pretending Spider-Man losing his temper in confronting the man who murdered Uncle Ben is problematic.

“…notice how a mask seems pretty unnecessary here, despite the fact that his opponent is armed. Peter doesn’t even hesitate. He is out for blood.”

A) The Burglar was not initially unarmed he lost his gun in the scuffle depicted in the panels from the OP

B) Real talk...who WOULDN’T lose their temper confronting the guy who MURDERED THEIR DAD to the point where they’d come close to seriously injuring them?

C) Peter believed Aunt May had recently DIED and that it was at least partially his fault

D) The OP conveniently neglects that the Burglar was threatening Spider-Man with a gun a panel before Peter attacked him and that Spider-Man doesn’t have his powers in this instance. In other words shortly after his mother figure’s death an unarmed and helpless Peter Parker was confronted by an armed known killer who killed his father figure in cold blood and was threatening his life. And he’s ‘problematic’ for assaulting him angrily and threatening to kill him. Can you spell ‘self’defence’?

OP is also disingenuous because she paints Spider-Man’s rage and scary demanor as the fault of the Burglar’s death when it was just the Burglar working himself up.

Spider-Man made it explicitly clear he was NOT going to kill or maim the Burglar but the Burglar was just too worked up and had a heart attack.

· OP brings up Spec v2 #10 where Spider-Man is beating the shit out of Doc Ock....but conveniently doesn’t include the panels prior to that incident where Doc Ock pointlessly murdered an innocent police officer violently and then threatened to murder someone everyday for a year...after he nearly deliberately instigated a war between Israel and Palestine! I am NOT making that up Doc Ock nearly set off a war between Israel and Palestine just to force Spider-Man into revealing his secret identity

FFS is Spider-man REALLY this violence revelling brute for punching the shit out of him for that!

Doc Ock took an innocent life, threatened to take more and was willing to risk MILLIONS of people dying in a war that could’ve lasted years because of his own stupid ego and obsession.

Like fuck dude WAR CRIMINALS have been executed for less than that but SPIDER-MAN is a violence addict because he punched Doc Ock a bit and humiliated him?

Look real talk Spidey making Doc Ock ‘ask him nicely’ was OOC (the OP doesn’t seem to realize such a thing could ever possibly happen) but even if it wasn’t it doesn’t prove the OP’s point because the CONTEXT OF THE SITUATION MATTERS.

· “ASM #522, where he loses his temper and throws Wolverine out of a window:”

Yes.

First thing in the morning after he’s been woken up abruptly by the worrying and mind boggling news that his wife has been sleeping with Tony Stark the guy who’s been insulting him on and off for awhile and who is now very directly insulting his pride and his beloved, long suffering wife (who’s lived through hell for him and has saved his life a million times too).

And he does the equivalent of punching the guy.

How ‘problematic’ and ‘toxic’ that must be.

Gimme a break.

Also remember Spider-Man doesn’t normally randomly punch people, even those who insult him despite the bullshit picture the OP is trying to paint.

· “ASM #539, the first issue in the “Back in Black” arc where Aunt May is shot on Kingpin’s orders, and Peter PUNCHES, INTIMIDATES, AND THREATENS HIS WAY THROUGH THE UNDERWORLD trying to figure out who was responsible. I would recommend reading this arc for a good look at Peter when he’s beyond furious”

OP disingenuously pretending that Peter when he is beyond furious is Spider-Man’s default setting as opposed to Spider-Man under extenuating and/or exceptional circumstances.

You know like when someone has shot his mother who is now dying and might pose a threat to yet more of his friends and family!

Like FUCK how are you so dense as to not properly contextualize shit.

· “Notice, again, the lack of a mask. Peter’s not even slightly frightened by the thought of diving into a room FULL of criminals armed with machine guns where he’s outnumbered by what looks like about 7 to 1.”

OP seemingly conveniently ignoring that in Back In Black (the story being referenced here) Spider-Man identity was public so it doesn’t matter that he didn’t have his mask

· “I find these panels more telling than Peter vs. Norman in #122 – in that one, Peter lost his temper momentarily but quickly snapped out of it and realized he didn’t have it in him to commit murder. Here, he’s completely cool. He genuinely plans to murder Kingpin. He’s thought about it. He wants to do it. He will do it without a moment’s hesitation if the need arises, if that’s what it takes to protect his family – that’s what 616 Peter does. He protects everyone around him. He takes the punishment they cannot.”

I find this part the most mind boggling of all because the OP’s statements here are not untrue but also make no sense in her characterization of Peter as toxic.

· “I could keep going with this all day, because this is who he is in the comics, but I’ll stop there. ”

Again no.

This is who Peter is at TIMES in the comics under certain circumstances and at particular points in his history. That isn’t what he is like at his regular default setting when horrible or seriously stressful or emotionally triggering things are not happening to him.

He ISN’T like this for instance in the Digger arc of JMS’ run.

He ISN’T like this in ASM #301

He ISN’T like this in ASM #41

He ISN’T like this in the Kid Who Collected Spider-Man

· “Does this angry, vengeful man who REVELS in violence really seem like he’s scared of, I don’t know, ANYONE? Don’t let the jokes fool you. Peter’s not someone you want to make angry. He is terrifying when he’s angry.”

Again OP speaks bullshit because

a) Peter doesn’t revel in violence. That’d inply real enjoyment. He at worst vents using it

b) Peter isn’t scared of anyone huh?

Sister let me introduce you to Spider-Man’s ex...and her new man.

Their shipper name...is Venom....

#Spider-Man #Venom #Eddie Brock #Green Goblin #Doctor Octopus #Peter Parker #MCu #marvel cinematic universe

44 notes · View notes

fictionalarsonist · 6 years

Text

exo_baekhyun | HOAX pt.4

Hoax_ to trick into believing or accepting as genuine something false and often preposterous.

Requested by anon

pairing: baekhyun ⨯ reader (gender neutral) ⨯ chanyeol feat. jongdae, minseok, yixing, suho, sehun, jongin, suju siwon content: angst, fluff, slice of life, gang au, high school au, some mature language, smoking, drinking, violence, blood, cheating rating: PG-13 type: fanfic, series word count: 5K

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

… As it has been said in a song series 04. “Well, isn’t this exactly where you like me? I am exactly where you like me, you know” - But It’s Better If You Do - P!atD

a/n: once again, i want to thank @bts-writes for beta-reading my mess. thank you, sweetie! (-ω-) ++i think this will be a little longer than I thought it would *smile nervously*

「 mobile m.list | desktop m.list | ask/request 」

You keep telling him to not let other people’s mindset get to him, but that never really got to him in the first place. Well, at least he thinks so anyway. He’s far too used to the bad-mouthing and prejudice, he’s used to be tossed aside from everywhere because who’s he to deserve anything better? He’s used to be looked down on and keep being who he’s born to be. Which is a fatherless crook with a set destiny, there’s nothing to it.

People who have other types of lives, people who has a choice wouldn’t understand and he doesn’t want nor need them to. Then, there’s you and you have everything, yet still you come and take him by his hand like this. He shouldn’t let it get to him, he knew that night and he knows even better now.

Of course, you don’t know, and he makes sure no one else does, that every second or so his eyes drift towards you during classes. You’re focused, obliviously determined with your studies while he sits there, clueless about where to go with all of it. You did plant a seed of hope somewhere inside him, but he doesn’t know what to do with it and he planned on telling you about the possibilities of disappointing you during lunch, but that’s when you let him feel all of that again. Everything he felt that night and he cannot argue with it.

Looking around him Baekhyun knows he doesn’t belong there, everything he accomplished so far is thanks to Mr. Kim’s manipulations, thanks to his mother, he never really did anything to deserve being in the most prominent class, even if he had good grades before when he did attempt something, this is different. He does understand why people look down on him, but now it hurts to think about it because you’re making him believe he’s something better.

Baekhyun wants to try proving them wrong, follow your lead even knowing he places last when he’s anywhere close to you and seeing you in class proves it. He wouldn’t let you know how his pen trembled on his hands and the letters danced on his eyes when he was handled that paper or how cold sweat ran down his back when he tried taking notes.

He leaves class before it ends, as if there are hound dogs chasing him. The boys in the restroom leave as soon as he walks in and that’s fortunate because he wants to be alone, in fact, he feels like smoking, but he knows the teachers are looking for any opportunity to kick him out of school now they have a chance and even if he dared, he left his pack of cigarettes in his beloved Porshe. Just a precaution to let himself surrender into his usual reckless behavior.

Throwing his backpack on the floor, under the sink, Baekhyun unbuttons his shirt a little and splashes some water on his face. His damp hair falls on his eyes and he brushes them back with his fingers, taking a couple of deep breathes and licking his lips.

What a mad world this place is. He feels suffocated and trapped by all of this. His heart beats like crazy for reasons different reasons when he’s with you, different from when he’s racing with his friends, different than when he’s being beaten up by his older brother. Looking at the mirror in front of him, to that person dressed in a school uniform, staring back at him with a fierce glare and arrogant expression. Baekhyun can’t recognize this stranger. It supposed to be a reflection, but nothing in it shows how he really feels.

This scary, heartless crook piercing him with his eyes is the same he’s seen looking back and smirk at him his whole life, Baekhyun can’t understand why he feels like facing a stranger now. Someone ignorant to this turmoil rambling inside of him with something that resembles what others would probably call panic biting sharply around the corners. Baekhyun wonders how could you of all people see past this. His hair falls on his face again and he focuses on arranging something nice enough. Why does he feels like being suffocated?

Baekhyun grips tightly on the edges of the sink because everything else is a crazy mess around him, he doesn’t realize his white knuckles nor that the voices he’s hearing is all in his head. There are no teachers making bitter comments indirectly to him, there are no side glares from students in this empty restroom, still everything is so damn real and it all seems to crush him. It’s much worse than the beating he got the night before. Physical pain is nothing close to this, whatever this is, the piece of trash mocking him from the mirror tells him he’s going to fail at this, he’s going to screw it all up, just like everything he’s done with everything else so far.

“Hey, Baek!”, Jongdae’s voice echoes to Baekhyun, “the boys are waiting–”, Baekhyun doesn’t know when he closed his eyes, “Baekhyun!”

Jongdae grips on Baekhyun’s shoulders and shakes him until he’s friend is looking back at him.

“This worried look doesn’t suit you”

“You looked like you’re about to die or something. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”, Baekhyun forces himself to stand up straight, “What did you say about the boys?”

“They’re waiting”

“Tell them to go ahead. You too. I won’t take long.”

“You think you can drive like this?”

“I’m okay”, he guarantees

“You don’t look like you’re okay”

“Who do you think I am? Just go. Make sure they’re ready.”

“Baek! Are you sure of what you’re doing? If Mr. Kim finds out--”, Jongdae trails off and places his hand Baekhyun shoulder, holding firmly this time, “Listen, I talked to Minseok, alright? He said we can call it off.”

“Yeah? So what should I tell Jongin when he wakes up? Sorry about your headache kid, but we chickened out because the grumpy old man glared at me? C’mon!”

“Jongin wouldn’t blame you for not doing anything in a situation like this”,

Baekhyun shrugs. “I don’t see the old man doing anything to stop me, Jongs. That means he wants something to happen and is using Jongin, your little brother, for this. Is that okay with you?”

“You think he’ll give Suho’s turf to you?”

“Fuck no!”, Baekhyun scoffs with a smirk, “He just wants to know what Suho is really capable of aside from barking nonsense like a lap dog--”, Jondgae tries to stop him and Baekhyun shrugs his friend’s hand off his shoulder, “No, Jongs! He has to pull his head out of his ass for once. He shouldn’t look down on people and I don’t mind being the one to teach him that.”

Baekhyun doesn’t realize he just repeated your words so effortesly until he hears Jongdae’s voice again, speaking through a defeated sigh.

“Alright, let’s do it your way”

Baekhyun nods and pats his friend’s shoulder. “Tell Minseok to get to it”

Baekhyun glances at the mirror when Jongdae walks out and that crook is staring back at him again.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

The expensive office is trashed and the only light are coming from the windows that don’t have the blinds ragged during the fight while the others are still closed.

“You fuck--ing prick”, Suho hisses, gripping on Baekhyun’s pants who’s almost wrecked as him, “Dad will–”

“Now, that’s funny, older brother. Someone at your age calling for daddy like this… Isn’t this your fault for looking down on me?”

Baekhyun laughs mockingly and shakes his leg off Suho’s grip before crouching down next to the older boy who’s having a hard time breathing and keeping one eye open when the other is already swollen with a dark shade of purple.

“Think carefully--”, Suho’s threat sounds like a plea and that has Baekhyun poking his teeth with his tongue to avoid smiling, afraid his lower lip would be ripped apart if he do.

“Why’d you think the old man let you get your ass beaten up by me, huh?”, he provokes, tapping his nail on Suho’s cheek, “You should be the one using your brain here. Now, listen carefully, alright? If I ever hear about you or the old man trying to play games with my friends again, I’ll make sure to go all the way next time. Did I make myself clear?”

Baekhyun’s glare has Suho’s swallowing hard, this time he doesn’t look playful and there’s no sign of the usual cockiness in his expression. Suho looks away, muttering an agreement. Baekhyun’s not an ignorant moron, he knows exactly what these words will trigger for him, but truth be told he’s tired of being tossed and turned as a play thing between Mr. Kim and Suho to solve their own issues.

The reason why he started this was really because of Jongdae’s younger brother, Jongin, ended up real bad after what happened that night in the construction site. He knows Jongdae blames himself for letting his brother follow him even when Baekhyun told the youngster to stay back like Sehun. But, Baekhyun saw Suho’s smile when he struck Jongin in the head. ‘This should be you’, it was written all over Suho’s face when he looked at Baekhyun once Jongin fell at his feet.

“Baek--”

Baekhyun snaps his eyes at Jongdae and just by the way his friend looks at Suho, he can tell Jongdae’s worried.

“Tell Minseok to come up here.”

“Baekhyun—”, he’s ignored.

“We have to take over”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“We came a long way,” Baekhyun said, standing up and turning his back to Suho who is already passed out on the floor, “We don’t have much to lose now. Call Yixing too. His vacation in China is over, we need him here.”

He’s hurt and tired and an all-around mess. Now that his boys are cleaning up the building, Jongdae has everything under control and he trusts his friend wholeheartedly to take care of whatever comes up, for now he just needs a moment. The only quiet place he finds is what is left of the office after Suho is taken away, this will be his now. Though the one sitting on that chair will be Yixing for sometime.

The city lights bathe part of the office, peeking through the broken and ragged blinds creating odd patterns. When Baekhyun sits down on that spot with his knees pulled up to his chest, one of his hands holding his phone and a lighted cigarette, while the other nestled closed to him because it hurts like hell. Somehow, there’s just one thing he can think of.

To Y/n: Don’t get into trouble tonight

You smile at your phone before typing a reply.

From Y/n: You ran out of class today. I was worried

Baekhyun hesitates a little before replying.

To Y/n: I had to take care of something. It was important

Your reply takes a while to arrive, but when it pops up on Baekhyun’s screen, his lips curls into a half smile.

From Y/n: Something about your brother again?

From Y/n: Are you okay?

What would he expect from you? He tilts his head, typing the simple reply. His cigarette is burning away behind his phone.

To Y/n: I’m fine.

Baekhyun inhales a lungful of smoke, your reply comes right after.

From Y/n: You said that last night too.

From Y/n: So, does this mean something happened?

His fingers hover over the keyboard as he blows out the smoke burning his throat and Baekhyun doesn’t really know what to reply. He doesn’t want to lie to you, but he doesn’t want to get you in his mess, much less disappoint you. He blinks a few times as if this would clean his mind as he leans his head back against the wall behind him, looking at the ceiling. Another lungful of smoke and he looks around the place. How can he talk to you in a moment like this?

Baekhyun takes a long drag and rubs his eyes with the knuckle of his thumb. Stretching out one of his legs, he groans when the muscle pulls at the wrong places, he focusing on blowing out the smoke. Looking around the messy office what you said to him comes to his mind, he remembers the way you held his hand and looked in his eyes while speaking to him, you faced that same cold-hearted bastard he sees in the mirror every day, still you saw someone different.

“—where you come from, what you are right now. These things don’t define you, they don’t define your future.”, it’s almost as if he can hear you saying it to him again. But, what would you say if you saw all of this? Would you believe in the bastard that just sent Suho to a hospital for revenge or would you still see him as the golden-hearted Baekhyun? There’s just one of him and this is it. The homeroom teacher is right, everyone knows better than expect anything good from him, so why do you?

It’s really as if at the moment he’s with you, he’s really someone else, someone different than that cold-hearted bastard that is attempting to destroy his own family. What he did certainly was not what you meant when you said all that to him, you’d be disappointed if you knew. But what he did can’t be taken back. So what should he do now? Taking another drag on his cigarette, he looks at the phone screen and another message arrives.

From Y/n: Is it /that/ bad?

He takes another drag on his cigarette before typing.

To Y/n: I have to go.

To Y/n: Let’s meet at that place tomorrow, I’ll bring us lunch.

Your reply comes right after.

From Y/n: If you’re hurt, then stay home tomorrow.

From Y/n: I can take notes for you.

Baekhyun doesn’t notice his smile when he reads it and his answer comes out naturally.

To Y/n: No. I’ll go.

He’s smiling like a fool, even if his lip hurts and he didn’t realize his cigarette has burned out

From Y/n: Then, let me make the lunch tomorrow, instead.

When Minseok knocks on the open door to announce himself he really can’t believe the person he see sitting there is really Baekhyun. How long has it been since last saw Baekhyun really smiling? Even when Baekhyun’s looking at him his expression is much different from that arrogant façade he’s been wearing the past years.

“What?”, Minseok likes how Baekhyun doesn’t force a command or an unnecessary boredom when he speaks.

“You gotta see this?”, Minseok replies after a moment

“Can you take care of it? I have to go somewhere”, Minseok watches as Baekhyun puts his jacket on, hissing at the pain when he moves his one arm that is hurt, “Call me if anything comes up”

“Sure”, Minseok frowns and follows as Baekhyun walks past him

“I’m going out for a bit, okay?”, Baekhyun tells Jongdae when he passes by the other who’s busy giving orders.

“Are you going to drive with your arm like this?”, Jongdae frowns and Minseok stops him

“Wait, I’ll call one of the boys to drive you”

“No, it’s okay”, Baekhyun pats his friend’s back before walking away,

“Where are you going?”, Minseok half-yells

“To the hospital!”, Baekhyun replies without thinking

“You wha– Byun Baekhyun! Don’t lie~!”

Jongdae’s yells bounces off the walls of the trashed building, but Baekhyun’s doesn’t bother replying. Simply smiles playfully while waving to his friends with his one good hand while the doors to the elevator closes.

You wave goodnight and goodbye to your friend at the usual crossroad and your phone buzzes in your pocket.

From Baekhyun: Class president, is it okay for you to just walk around in a desert place so late at night?

You look around and half-smiles when you see the red Porshe parked not too far from you. Baekhyun waves at you with his phone and you can’t avoid noticing his arm pulled strangely against his chest. You hurry to meet him there.

“I told you wouldn’t want to see it”, he tells you when you try looking closer at his arm and winces when you try to have a better look.

“This looks broken. You should be in a hospital”, your attention is on his arms, but his eyes are on you, “I can’t help you with this one”

You pay closer attention to his face, the purple marks and cuts are worse than what he had the night before and without thinking you reach out to touch them. Too focused to notice how his eyes wander on your feature, the worry and carefulness he saw the night before are there again. It’s almost like his heart is melting, that crook that stares at him in the mirrors can’t seem to feel this. It’s really as if at this moment, he’s someone else, someone different than that cold-hearted bastard he was so sure to be not too long ago.

“The cuts are open again. You really should—”, you gasp, surprised when Baekhyun leans down to kiss you, cupping your cheek.

Much like the night before, his kiss is sweet, almost chaste at first. He’s always careful, but not with him because he pulls you close to him despite his broken arm. His thumb massages your cheek, his hand slides down your neck to cradle your head. When he tries to pull a little closer with his arm around your waist, he’s reminded of his state and pulls back, wincing with pain.

“You really should go to a hospital”

“It’s okay. I’ll call the doctor when I get home”, you step back and tilt your head, looking up at him with a frown, “What?”

“Baekhyun”, there goes his heart stumbling again, “Do you have a problem with hospitals?”, he hesitates before replying

“No”

“Really?”

You cross your arms stubbornly and Baekhyun looks away licking his lips. It’s quite amazing how you seem to read him so easily, something even bigger than that is how you just seem to turn into this person that makes that unlucky, scary bastard he’s grown to look nothing but a shady stranger he forgets about easily and Baekhyun still trying to figure out how you do what you do to him. When it comes to you, he has more questions than answers.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

His heart is racing one mile per second the moment he stops the car in front of the hospital and it takes Baekhyun more than he’d ever admit walking into the building without hyperventilating. He wishes he could smoke, that’d ease some of this anxiety crawling its way up in him

Baekhyun doesn’t like the smells, the nurses much less doctors, the overly bright lights all around him— All that has Baekhyun’s hesitating during the two minutes time the nurse went and came back with the response that the doctor would see him right away.

“And you’re really here!” The young doctor really seems surprised when Baekhyun walks in his room without any ceremony, “Good night to you too, Baek!”

Siwon stands up right away, knowing fairly well how Baekhyun deals with hospitals.

“Why didn’t you just called?” He asks again.

Baekhyun’s obviously too nervous to say something at first and for some time, he take his time between examining, diagnosing, and talking Baekhyun down from his agitated state of mind due this hospital phobia he has.

“There’s something I want to ask you”, Baekhyun says out of nowhere after refusing any conversation and Siwon glances up at him while working a cast around his arm.

Siwon looks up but his eyes find a very different expression on Baekhyun’s face, something much different than that cold indifference he always seems to wear.

“What is it?”

Baekhyun makes a pause and bites the inside of his cheek. It’s like Siwon’s seeing that playful and easily hyped boy again after so long.

“How did you walk out of that world?” Siwon frowns

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone says the only escape from this world is the afterlife, but you— You made it out and has a successful career as a doctor. How did you do it?”, Siwon finishes and after taking off the gloves he leans back.

“That world isn’t a place someone leaves, Baek. It comes back to bite when you least expect, I just consider myself lucky to find a comfortable position that allows me to play dumb”, Siwon says with a bitter half-smile playing on his lips, “It’s worse than you think”

Baekhyun keeps himself quiet, pondering Siwon’s answer by himself until the painkiller had some effect on him along with his tiredness. He barely noticed being taken to a private room before drifting to sleep.

“Baek?”, Jongdae barges into his room, “You’re really here! Why? How bad is it? I didn’t know Suho could really do anything–”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. How did you know I was here?”

“Siwon called me. Since when you come all the way to the hospital for nothing?

“I need you to drive me home”

“Sure, my car’s outside”

“No!”, Baekhyun’s feeling quite sleepy already, “I can’t let Baby stay parked here”

“So— You want me to drive your Baby?” Jongdae asks suspiciously, “—the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I can’t drive like this.”, Baekhyun tries to sit up and Jongdae hurries to help him lean back, “How are things back there?”

“I left Minseok in charge, so don’t worry about it”, Jongdae himself is worried sick, Baekhyun can tell.

“How about Yixing?”

“He’s taking the first flight”

“Good”, Baekhyun swallows thickly, it’s getting hard to stay awake, “I can’t let that person see me like this—”, he mumbles unknowingly.

“Who?”

“Y/n”, Jongdae sighs and watches as Baekhyun drifts into sleep.

Baekhyun wakes up with the alarm on his phone ringing annoyingly and he naturally reaches for where supposed to be his nightstand, except that it’s not there. He tries reaching to the other side, not there, he tries taunting around the bed, but this bed is smaller than his. Where is he? Still feeling drowsy and dizzy he raises his head to look around and even if he takes a moment or two he recognizes Jongdae’s guest bedroom.

“Morning”, Jongdae mocks at him when Baekhyun walks in the kitchen

Baekhyun groans in reply, his whole body aches and his arm in a cast itches.

“Why am here?” The view from the wall-size window from the penthouse is gorgeous, but Baekhyun is used to it.

“Apparently Mr. Kim is letting Suho go berserk”, he watches as Baekhyun sits down across from him at the table, “I ordered breakfast”, he pushes the package to Baekhyun

“He must know I’m here”, the younger says while gulping down on the coffee

“I’m sure he does. It’s still safer than being at his house”

“Where’s my uniform?”

“What? You’re going to school? Are you insane?”

“Can you drive me there?”

“Hey! Baek, aren’t you going a little too far for that person?”

“Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

Jongdae can’t really believe even he’s walking by Baekhyun’s side in the school hallways. He follows his friend to the classroom and obviously, every student on their way step aside, glancing at them and whispering their theories between themselves about how they got so messed up and who did it, not that any of it bothers any of them or the others following behind them.

The homeroom teacher tries hiding an amused smile the moment he walks in class and right after the morning greeting and the roll call, he announces the date to the first ranking-worth quiz says: “If you studied hard and dedicated yourself to your future, then there’s nothing to worry about, but—”, the man pauses and makes sure to direct a pointed look at Baekhyun,, “If you come to school to kill time, take some consideration on your classmate’s reputation and just don’t show up.”

During lunch, you find him sitting on the floor of the balcony, eyes closed and head resting against the wall with a frown and it’s the sounds of your steps that makes him open his eyes.

“Worried about your score?” You ask playfully

“No”, his lips are pulled to one side in an un-humorous smile, “I already know how it’ll turn out?”

“How?” He follows your movements as you seat next to him

“I don’t think I should show up that day”, he chuckles bitterly to himself.

“It’s just a quiz”, you turn to look at him, “If you go through the workbooks and some notes, it’ll be okay”, he blinks a couple of times when he looks at you.

“I’m not that smart”, Baekhyun comments with amusement

“I heard the teachers saying you used to get high grades before”, you say matter-of-factly

“Of all the rumors about me you listen to this one?” He shakes his head, “What about the others?”

“What about them?” You ask as you open the lunchbox you made for the both of you, he doesn’t say anything, so you look up and he’s are already waiting

“Shouldn’t you ask me about them? If they’re true?” You tilt your head when he interrupts himself for a moment, “Isn’t there anything you want to ask me about what you saw that day between me and my older brother? Or why am I like this?” Baekhyun raises his casted arm a little to make a point, “About this or Mr. Kim’s business. About what happened with other students these past three years. All that. Aren’t you curious about those things? How much of a bad person I really am, how wrong about me you can be?”

“You protect the students that are considered a nobody, so they join you when they feel grateful and protected. Whatever happens between you and your brother is a family matter, why would I want to ask something like this?”

Baekhyun’s fascinated and his eyes searches yours as you lean your arm on his knee that is pulled up close to his chest and you rest your chin on your arm. He tries to justify this weird thing he feels, something that – as stupid as it sounds – feels like a million butterflies in his stomach.

For a moment or two you don’t say anything, and he doesn’t either, it’s a necessary silence in which Baekhyun knows you’re not just playing some sort of trick nor trying to deceive him in any way, like that night, you’re speaking honestly to him and it warms up his heart once again. The stubborn organ, against his will, starts a race on its own and maybe looking into your eyes like that is too much, but he can’t just look away.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in what kind of bad person you push yourself to be or what others picture you. I want to know the Baekhyun that is willing to push his friends away just, so they can lead life a better without him.”

You make a pause and reach out to brush the red strand of hair that falls on his forehead in a perfect wave, his hair is soft and smooth and his eyes wavers on yours while his heart runs wild.

“Baekhyun!”, there it goes his heart stuttering again, “A real rotten, bad person doesn’t have loyal friends”, he reaches up to take your hand in his and his fingers intertwined with yours, like a second nature.

“Why are you so good to me?”

“There too much people looking down on you. Someone has to remind you about the good person you are too”

Your smile is much brighter than the sun shining above that blue, clear sky. Baekhyun has never felt this lucky in his life

“Oh!”, he tilts his head when you pull back with a surprised expression.

“What?”

“This smile of yours”, you point at the open and easy smile he just mindlessly gave you, a natural reaction to yours, “it’s the first time I see it!”, and, no, Baekhyun’s definitely not blushing, it’s just the weather getting to him, “I want to take a picture”

You try pulling your phone out and he tries to snatch from your hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Just a picture!”

“No! Forget it!”

“Why~? You look adorable smiling like that.”

“What kind of nonsense are you—”, you giggle and manages to take a blurry picture, “Don’t!”

“Cute! Byun Baekhyun is a shy boy~”

“Whoa! Y/n is a bully!” He teases, “Who would know?”

The world is fireworks, smiles and full of warmth and peaceful when you’re with Baekhyun, when he’s surrounded by you. It’s so easy to dive into this new world he didn’t knew he needed. He’s just fine with this even if it only exists when the two of you are together secretly like this, everywhere else you’re the perfect straight A student, kind and neat.

The juniors admire you, the basketball team is successful thanks to how much hard work you pour on the club even when you’re working so hard with cram school too and even with all that you still find time for volunteer work during the weekend at the community nursery home with your mother.

Aside from his best friends, no one knows about what he has with you and it’s better this way. He’s still the bastard everyone sees him at, he’s still in a cold-war with his own family over the business he took over, maybe he’s greedy for keeping you as well. Everyone would see something like this isn’t right. However, you still choose to be with him, it’s almost like a miracle.

The harsh world he lives in with all the daggers pointing at him seems to lose its effect the moment he sees you. His smile just appears, simple as that. All he needs is to have you by his side and nothing else really takes effect, not even when he has a face-off with Mr. Kim and has a death threat swaying over his head.

Seeing you walking towards him with a smile is enough to make him believe that nothing can beat him up. He has to keep going to see you smile like this again. Baekhyun pulls you close and kisses you because, right now, he can do this, as long as you want him next to you, why would he let an old man order him around?

⇽ part 3 | part 5 ⇾

38 notes · View notes

paene-umbra · 6 years

Note

For the ask thingy: all of ‘em. ❤️

First of all, thank you so much for asking me this! You’re awesome for taking pity on me and on all my followers by asking me a question and stopping my incessant begs for anon messages.

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I think they are fairlyimportant, yes. I think a relationship cannot do well unless you are attractedto your partner. I don’t mean to say that you always have to think your partneris the hottest person alive, but I think eventually you start to see them asmore and more attractive because you’re associating feelings with their face.

2.Are relationships ever worth it?

Yes, they are!! Even if they don’tlast forever, they still teach you things about yourself and what you like or don’tlike.

3.Are you a virgin?

No.

4.Are you in a relationship?

Yes, I am, and my man is goodto me. He helps me be better.

5. Are you in love?

Not yet.

6.Are you single this year?

Hell no.

7.Can you commit to one person?

Yes. I don’t share and I want myperson to make me feel special and I can’t feel special if someone isn’t givingme their full affection.

8.Describe your crush

Uhhhh, I’ll describe my boyfriend.He’s tall and handsome and muscular. His eyes are hazel and beautiful, and he’sgot the cutest crooked smile. Sometimes he laughs and it sounds so joyful and verysurprised, like he was trying not to laugh but it burst out of him. Sometimes Itease him and he holds his mouth open indignantly but he smiles while he doesit.

9.Describe your perfect mate

I think creating the idealperson in your head sets you up for disappointment and heartbreak. So, for a “perfectmate” I think I would just want someone who treats me right and understands myfaults and shortcomings and is compassionate of them, but also doesn’t let memake excuses and always tries to make me be the best version of myself.

10.Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. Love is something thatgrows over time. I think your can lust for someone immediately, but feelingstake time.

11.Do you ever want to get married?

I’m not sure, but definitelynot in front of hundreds of people. My love is to be shared with my person, notall our friends and family. If I ever did get married, it would be a small oneor an elopement.

12.Do you forgive betrayal?

Generally, no. People have toearn forgiveness now, I don’t just hand it out left and right anymore. If youbetray me, knowing full well that I am understanding and compassionate and havea huge heart, that’s on you. I can learn to live without anyone.

13.Do you get jealous easily?

Unfortunately, yes. I try notto, but I have low self esteem and if I’m not very clearly and obviously someone’sfavorite person it is hard to make sense in my head whether they like me atall. I always feel like I am the one who likes my person more than they likeme, and I hold them to unreasonable standards of the attention and affectionthat I want from them, and I get jealous when they talk about other people whenI think they should be talking about me. It’s terrible and I need to be betterthan I am.

14.Do you have a crush on anyone?

My boyfriend : )

15.Do you have any piercings?

Yup. Septum (14g), two earpiercings in each ear that are all stretched (the second holes are stretched to2g but I am trying to let them heal up for now and my first holes are stretchedto 5/8in), and my nipples (14g).

16.Do you have any tattoos?

Yup. I’ve got a spade outlineon my right wrist (for asexuality lmao) and I’ve got the Lonely Mountain fromThe Hobbit tattooed in the crook of my left elbow.

17.Do you like kissing in public?

Small pecks are okay but makingout in front of other people is unacceptable.

18.Do you shower every day?

Yeah, every morning before I startmy day.

19.Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Pretty sure my man does.

20.Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Probably not. Unless it’s mydad, but I don’t care about that.

21.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Yes. Cheating is unacceptable.I will never cheat. Ever. If you can put your partner out of your mind longenough to let someone else into their place, you don’t love your person and youshould let them go.

22.Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No. I don’t know if I could trustsomeone enough to marry them, and definitely not in as little time as 5 years.

23.Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Already am.

24.Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes, a few people. People haveonly recently started fighting not to lose me and I thrive off that shit. Ithelps me know my worth, which is something I struggle with.

25.Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

My best friend from middleschool wrote a song about how ugly I was in middle school. We are not friendsanymore and that ruined my self esteem for a very long time.

26.Have you ever been cheated on?

Not that I know of.

27.Have you ever cheated on someone?

Never. See question 23.

28.Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change aboutyour body?

I have, but not seriously. I wouldget my chin done to make it sharper and probably smoothing to make my eyes lesshooded and more even. And maybe something to make my mouth bigger and my cheeksless chubby/more pointed.

29.Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Yes, unfortunately. But I am workingon that and being better than that. 2018 is the year of knowing my worth andnot letting people hurt me.

30.Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yeah lmao. He knew andexploited me for it. Fuck that guy.

31.Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes.

32.Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Not yet.

33.Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yup. My boyfriend is 2 yearsolder than me.

34.Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah lmao I had a huge crush onmy best friend from high school. She told me that she would have dated me if I wasborn a boy and that confused the hell out of me because I would have dated her despiteus both being born as girls. I didn’t understand why she thought it was bad fortwo girls to date each other if they liked each other.

35.Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yeah, my ex was obnoxious, anda lot of people hated him and did not like being around me while he was there,and often told me that I deserved better and that I should dump him. I cravedlove and was so terrified of being alone that I continued to date him until hegot tired of me. I was thinking about breaking up with him for weeks leading upto our split but could never force myself to do it. I’m glad he finally didbecause neither of us were happy. Long story short, I should have listened tomy friends who hated him.

36.Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yeah, my ex from question 35.He was my best friend and I never expected to like him.

37.Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

I don’t think so, but probably.

38.Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Yes, but I would never evergive anything like that to someone. I used to write poems about my friends. I don’tthink I am a great creative writer, but I might be some day if I practice andmaybe got some prompts from people.

39.Have you had sex so far this year?

Yes.

40.How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Maybe a minute or two.

41.How long was your longest relationship?

Ten months is my longest (itwas my very first relationship) but I’m creeping up on 7 with my currentboyfriend and I think we will last a while. He makes me confront our problemsinstead of ignoring them and letting them fester. He wants healthy and I wanthealthy too.

42.How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Two total. One ex and onecurrent.

43.How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

None, lmao. I was in middleschool and VERY UGLY and nobody was interested in me.

44.How many times did you have sex last year?

Less than 15 times.

45.How old are you?

19!

46.If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I don’t know. I would probablydie a little bit inside and tell them to go after the person they like.

47.If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

The way he squeezes me sometimeswhen we’re laying in his bed, as if he can’t pull me close enough. About himunrelated to me, I like how strong and confident he is and how involved he getsin everything he does. I am constantly impressed by him.

48.If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, wouldyou accept?

Nope. I’m good, luv, enjoy.

49.Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

My nephews! I love them somuch.

50.Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Not at the moment.

51.Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I don’t think so, and even ifthey are, I don’t care.

52.Is there someone you will never forget?

I don’t forget anyone.

53.Share a relationship story.

The other day, my man and I weresitting on his bed and we got caught up talking and he ended up telling me thatI have been doing really well (emotionally and mentally) and that he was proud ofme.

54.State 8 facts about your body

I am of average height, I have brownhair, fingers on both my hands have semi-permanent indentions from my rings, mynails are square-shaped, my back hurts 100% of the time, I wear glasses, mybody craves healthy food often, my stomach is repulsed by any meat that isn’t chickenor sliced deli meats.

55.Things you want to say to an ex.

Nothing. I’m at peace and I don’twant to waste any more time on someone who isn’t worth it.

56.What are five ways to win your heart?

Bring me snoballs, play with myhair, text/snapchat me often, save my selfies, hold my hand in public.

57.What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Add me on snapchat to find out.My username is “ughlaney”

58.What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

The biggest age gap I’ve ever hadis 2 years. I don’t like big age gaps in relationships, especially if I’m theolder person.

59.What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Probably how often they smile orfrown. I’m big on “vibes” from people, and I try to read them as quickly aspossible to figure out what that person is gonna be like. And by vibes, I mean bodylanguage and comments that a lot of people don’t pick up on.

60.What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I don’t really think I findpeople sexy.

61.What is your definition of “having sex”?

One person inserting something intoanother person. Fingers, toys, other body parts, etc.

62.What is your definition of cheating?

Anything that you wouldn’t doin front of your significant other is cheating. If you wouldn’t do it in theroom with them, that’s cheating. If you know they would be hurt by what your doing,that’s cheating.

63.What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Oh gosh. I dunno.

64.What is your favourite roleplay?

I don’t roleplay.

65.What is your idea of the perfect date?

Hmmmmm… I think a really nice datewould be dinner (sushi probably, with Bang Bang shrimp!!!) with lots of talking,maybe a movie where my person holds my hand and rubs their fingers on mine andoccasionally pulls my hand to their mouth and kisses it, then we go back to theirhouse and hang out and talk some more and just lay with each other and enjoyour time. Maybe some sexy times but that’s not required.

66.What is your sexual orientation?

Unspecified….

67.What turns you off?

Diapers and baby stuff, specificallysomeone soiling themselves.

68.What turns you on?

Moaning. Hearing people moan isLITERALLY the hottest thing ever. I like that.

69.What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I really don’t think I’ve everhad a wet dream before?? I don’t dream about sex.

70.What words do you like to hear during sex?

I don’t like talking duringsex?? It seems very uncomfortable and unnatural and I’m not good at it becausethere is too much pressure to sound sexy and my anxiety takes over and locks myvocal chords shut. If anything, I would like to be called baby or somethingcute.

71.What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Not sure. I know I don’t likepublic displays of affection because I get uncomfortable in front of people I’mnot close to. A really cute thing that my man did recently was bring me asnoball as a surprise to my office. It was nice to see him. I think I wouldjust like for my person to hold my hand and talk about me to other people.

72.What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Nice clothes. Since I’m going tobe stealing them anyway, I want them to look good.

73.What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

The sweetest thing anyone hasever done for me was when my man put his arms around me and walked me from hisliving room to his bedroom, still hugging me, and whispered everything he likedabout me into my ear. He said silly stuff that he liked, such as the way myteeth chatter when I’m cold, my smile, my voice, etc. It made my heart do theTHING^tm

74.What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I’m kind of a piece of garbagebecause I am not very creative and can’t ever think of sweet things to do. Orat least I can’t think of any cute things I’ve done.

75.What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

Depends on the size of the agegap and the age of the youngest person in the relationship. If the gap is largerthan 2 years, I don’t like it. If the younger person is still a teenager or inhigh school or whatever and the older person has graduated high school or arein college, I don’t like it. I think there is such a huge change in maturityand life experience just from going from 16 to 17 to 18 that anyone who is 20 (Iam being very generous with this age, because I do NOT like age gaps older than2 years so an 18yo could date a 20yo and like…..the maturity is still prettybig but I’ll let it slide) or older should NOT be talking to someone who stillhas a 1 in the tens place of their age. My own maturity and knowledge of theworld was wildly different from year to year, to the point where I was aCOMPLETELY different person at 16, 17, 18, and now 19 years old. I do notbelieve that relationships with larger age gaps (when the younger person is16/17/18/19) can be healthy because there is always that imbalance of power. Moretimes than I care to remember, I have seen older people, generally men,manipulate their much younger partners, generally women, and emotionally blackmailthem with comments like “if you were more mature you would agree with me/see mypoint/accept my behavior but I guess you’re still an immature kid” or anythingalong those lines. Like obviously there will be exceptions, but I really don’t believethat relationships with more than 2 years of gap when the younger person isyounger than 18 can be healthy.

76.What’s your dirtiest secret?

Oh gosh, I don’t think I haveany dirty secrets. Sexually I am pretty vanilla, and I don’t do many scandalousthings.

77.When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

I was jealous when my man was talkingabout his funny coworker. I tried not to be, but I can’t help it yet. I amworking on being a less jealous person though.

78.When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

My sorority sister said sheloved me and I said it back.

79.Who are five people you find attractive?

My MAN

80.Who is the last person you hugged?

My man!

81.Who was your first kiss with?

My ex.

82.Why did your last relationship fail?

I was too needy and he didn’t care.I was pretty fucked up, too. I look back and realize I had a lot of flaws that Iwas ignoring back then, and a lot of stuff that I put up with that I shouldn’t have.Badness on both parts.

83.Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

No. I need physical attention.

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writingfulfillment · 6 years

Text

The Overarching Power of Belief

I believe that every story ever told is true because of the creative power of belief of Humankind. I believe that there are not millions of fictional places where heroes live, but one place that houses the collective dreams of all who’ve ever existed. In many of the works of fiction that I’ve read, they speak of the creatures and Gods’ being able to exist because there are still humans who believe in them. And this belief is what gives them their power. There is not one story or belief that reigns supreme over the others because they all share the same origin story: they were created by humans. Whether in one sitting by one author, or if it’s over years by a collection of people, they are all creations of our minds.

In this dream world, the people reflect what we see in ourselves. They are stubborn and have flaws, but are overall good. These people will see what they will expect or believe that they will see, such like ourselves. And this is how this collective dream world functions. Both on the creative power of the imaginations of the humans who fuel it existence, and the ignorance of the reflective humans there.

In series like Percy Jackson and Harry Potter, they talk a lot about how the regular people view their secret world. For example, In his first book Riordan notes the differences in how people believe. “But if he’s a preacher,” I said, “and he believes in a different hell…” Grover shrugged, who says he’s seeing this place the way that we’re seeing it? Humans see what they want to see. You’re very stubborn-er, persistent, that way.”[1] This fits with how so many dreams could live together, as well as with the nature of the reflected humans. In the first Harry Potter book, Harry notices the Muggles’ obliviousness.“The people hurrying by didn’t glance at it. Their eyes slid from the big bookshop on one side to the record shop on the other as if they couldn’t see the leaky cauldron at all. In fact, Harry has the most peculiar feeling that only he and Hagrid could see it.” [2] The mundane people couldn’t see it because they didn’t believe that it was there. I believe that in this dream world, the ordinary people are excessively ignorant for the sake of peace between the dreams.

In most, if not all stories, there is an ordinary character who leads a mundane life until they discover a Secret world. Everyone dreams of being swept away as a crucial member of something. We all want to be important and we all want to be remembered. This is why we love to create and read these stories, they reflect the dreams of our childhood selves. All of this imagination and collective hope cannot amount to nothing. This is why the dream world came into existence, somewhere for the dreams to live and for us to visit when we miss them.

The creation of this one world relies on the same desire for acknowledgement that lives in all our hearts. This is where the Hero’s Journey comes in. Joseph Campbell theorized that every story is, in fact, the same story except it is told differently and that every protagonist is actually the same character wearing a different face. In his book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, he discusses the idea of a monomyth that spans genres, authors, and time periods. Joseph proposes that every good story follows a basic plot map that he calls The Hero’s Journey. Since it’s publication in 1949, it has been referenced by creators,(Perhaps the most popular of which is George Lucas, Director of Star Wars) authors, and artists in the telling of their stories. I believe that the subjects of this one story that has been told a million different ways live in the dream world.

The Hero’s Journey, although it has many different versions, is largely made up of 12 stages that the Hero goes through. These can be identified in most popular stories. The 12 are: 1. Ordinary World, 2. Call to Adventure, 3. Refusal or Acceptance, 4. Meeting with the Mentor, 5. Crossing the Threshold, 6. Tests, Allies, Enemies, 7. Approach to the Innermost Cave, 8. Ordeal, 9. Seizing the Sword, 10. The Road Back, 11. The Master of Two Worlds, 12. Return with the Elixir. You can read about them in more detail elsewhere.[here] I will just be focusing on the Ordinary World v.s. the Secret World.

In the Ordinary World, the people cannot see, or do not know about the Secret World, because they do not believe that it’s there. And the same is true for why the Secret World exists, because the Hero and his companions continue to believe in it and its creatures. The belief in the Secret World and it inhabitants in turn give them belief in themselves, increasing their power and existence. There are hints of the belief to power transfer in many popular works of fiction.

In Harry Potter, the most curious aspect of magic is its distribution. There are children of generations of wizards that possess no magic, or very little. (Ariana [3], Neville [4])There are also children of muggles who have great magical powers. (Lily [5], Hermione [6]) In all of these cases the power of the witch or wizard was dictated by their belief in themselves. Ariana was a fine little witch until some boys traumatized her, then she lost the power to control it. Neville had always struggled with magic, partially because his grandmother was always telling him that he wasn’t good enough. As he grew older, he learned that he was worth it and his magic greatly improved. If any muggleborn had the wits and guts to excel at magic, it was Lily and Hermione. From the start they were both know-it-alls who had no qualms about their intelligence.

Despite what you may think, Harry really wasn’t all that great of a wizard. At least when it comes to book learning and memorizing complicated spells. Courage and loyalty, on the other hand, were Harry’s best traits. When it came time that he knew that he had to save his friends, he always came through magically, even though he wasn’t all that gifted. In The Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry saves himself and Sirius by performing the advanced charm Expecto Patronum. He produces an extremely powerful patronus and keeps numerous dementors at bay. A task, that would be difficult, if not impossible for a fully grown wizard, and yet Harry was just 13 at the time. “‘I knew I could do it this time,’ said Harry, ‘because I’d already done it… does that make sense?’”[7] Harry’s personal belief in himself skyrocketed because he’d already done it, thus giving himself enough power to do it.

If their power of belief in themselves was enough to boost their power and self-worth, then who’s to say that our belief in them isn’t powerful enough to make them real? Who says that dreams turn to naught but dust? Humans can do amazing things while we’re awake, why not when we’re sleeping? Isn’t billions of people dreaming each night powerful enough to cultivate something more than dust? I believe that it is enough, and I believe that our dreams become real in the dream world. That there is a place where the characters that we love and dream of exist together.

In all of Rick Riordan’s work, the mythologies that he uses are interconnected. The different Gods and cultures coexist because of the different peoples who continue to believe in them. “‘But Gods can’t die,’ Grover said. ‘They can fade,’ Pan said, ‘when everything that they stood for is gone. When they cease to have power, and their sacred places disappear.” [8] In some instances, such as Pan, the Greek God of nature, when people ceased to believe in him, he faded. But there will always be the Gods that are believed in and worshipped by these secret worlds that might be more connected than we think.

These are taken from two of Riordan’s books, “Lacey had warned me about Drew the first day of school. Apparently the two of them had gone to some summer camp together-blah, blah, I didn’t really listen to the details- and Drew had been just as much of a tyrant there.” [9] “Lacey looked like she might fall apart from nervousness. ‘Oh, well-’ ‘Drew might find out,’ Mitchell explained. ‘I might have to wear the shoes of shame!’ Lacey gulped.” [10] Amongst other evidence, this proves that they exist in the same universe. Also, in his other series, the protagonist, Magnus Chase, is cousins with the partner of Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase. “...I haven’t thought about them in years. I have an uncle and cousin in Boston.” [11] “‘I just don’t want to put you in danger,’ I said. ‘I kind of hoped that you could be my one connection to the regular world.’ Annabeth stared at me. She snorted and began to laugh. ‘Wow. You have no idea how funny that is.’” [12]

Riordan loves the idea that all of the Gods and the different mythologies could coexist. He has even written several crossover stories between the Greek Demigods and the Egyptian Magicians. [13] He has never said anything outright about his belief about why they might exist in the same universe, but I think it’s safe to gather from his books, that he thinks that there is something very powerful about belief. He also makes references to other cultures and their beliefs. In his second series, The Heroes of Olympus, his characters have more diverse background. Frank is Chinese and his grandmother believes in the Roman Gods and Buddhism. [14] Piper is Cherokee and the old Native stories that her father tells her play a part in her success as a demigod. [15] Leo is Mexican and he speaks of Dia de Los Muertos and his experiences with spirits. [16]

He hints that there may be much more than one truth or one belief. Of course, in order for this to be true there would have to be rules and/or magic separating these religions, if you will, from each other. Simply because there would be too much confusion and contention over which one was true, when in fact they would all actually be true. It’s a daunting concept, but simultaneously a very interesting one. They would all be very delicate barriers, easily cracked or broken because of the masses that they are hiding. But it poses an interesting situation for the deities or beings of power in these different “religions”. Of course, being a God, they would know things. And someone has to know the rules in order to make sure that they are kept. “‘The tradition is still strong among … our people.’ ‘Our people?’ I asked, but Sadie muscled in with another question. ‘So you can’t live in Manhattan?’ She asked. Amos’s brow furrowed as he looked across at the Empire State Building. ‘Manhattan has other problems. Other Gods. It’s best we stay separate.” [17] It makes sense that the future Chief Lector of the Egyptians would know the new location of Mount Olympus and Vice versa. It can be very confusing, but the cumulative power of human belief is very strong and I believe that it is strong enough for this. The suggestion that because we can believe in something, it can or must exist? Even if it contradicts other beliefs or laws? But this is very prevalent in works of fiction like Riordan and Rowling. (There are so many others that I didn’t highlight because it would have been way too long, but you get my point.)

It is very interesting when you combine it with the Hero’s Journey. That every story is the same story of the same character but wearing a different face, alongside that they all must be true because someone believes in them. It’s a little mind blowing, but it actually makes a lot of sense. We all would like to think that we have our own story, but in reality, we just aren’t that creative. Everything that’s ever done is something that has been done before. So we must make it our own by creating magical worlds around the old stories to make it seem new. Or at the very least, have us fall in love with the new characters. I believe that all of this exists in the dream world.

You’ve seen the raving fans of books, movies and TV shows, people love these predictable fictional characters with all their heart. How can all of that love and belief accumulate to nothing? I don’t think that it can. I wonder if by desiring these stories to be real because we love them so much might just actually make them exist. Thuss, the existence of all of these beings and stories in the Dream World. The human psyche is a mysterious and powerful place that scientists can only guess at and pretend to understand. Who’s to say that we aren’t more powerful than we think? What defines creation or a creator? What excludes us from creating art, music and emotion? Nothing. What excludes us from creating beings or worlds? Perhaps, nothing. If only the understanding of such a process.

When an author writes a book, they put so much into creating that world, and so do their fans. Thats a lot of collective belief to come to nothing. What if our power of belief is enough to create? Whether in this world or another, what if our beloved stories do exist? How could so much emotion go into art and music, such that it can evoke emotions in us, and not create something more?

Works Cited

[1] Riordan, Rick. The Lightning Thief. New York: Miramax /Hyperion for Children, 2005. Print, 293.

[2] Rowling, J.K. The Sorcerer's Stone. London: Bloomsbury Children’s, 1997. Print, 68.

[3] Rowling, J.K. The Deathly Hallows. London: Bloomsbury Children’s, 2007. Print, 564.

[4] Rowling, J.K. The Sorcerer's Stone. London: Bloomsbury Children’s, 1997. Print, 125.

[5] Rowling, J.K. The Sorcerer's Stone. London: Bloomsbury Children’s, 1997. Print, 53.

[6] Rowling, J.K. The Sorcerer's Stone. London: Bloomsbury Children’s, 1997. Print, 105.

[7] Rowling, J.K. The Prisoner of Azkaban. London: Bloomsbury Children’s, 1999. Print, 412.

[8] Riordan, Rick. The Battle of the Labyrinth. New York: Miramax /Hyperion for Children, 2008. Print, 314.

[9] Riordan, Rick. The Serpent’s Shadow. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2012. Print, 83.

[10] Riordan, Rick. The Lost Hero. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2010. Print, 178.

[11] Riordan, Rick. The Blood of Olympus. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2014. Print, 393.

[12] Riordan, Rick. The Sword of Summer. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2015. Print, 487.

[13] Riordan, Rick. Demigods and Magicians. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2015. Print.

[14] Riordan, Rick. The Mark of Athena. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2012. Print, 492.

[15] Riordan, Rick. The Blood of Olympus. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2014. Print, 384.

[16] Riordan, Rick. The Blood of Olympus. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2014. Print, 68.

[17] Riordan, Rick. The Red Pyramid. New York: Disney Publishing Worldwide, 2010. Print, 52.

#harry potter #percy jackson #fan theory #dream world #kane chronicles #everything is connected #the power of humankind

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in-defense-of-loki · 3 years

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Ranting, Feel Free to Ignore

So I’ve read this essay by a Tumblr user on Antis and their use of the term paedophilia, and... I don’t think it tackles the real issue at all. Because the person who wrote it says they’ve found 4 categories that the Antis typically fit in... only none of them do I actually fully agree with. None of the 4, and while I would be considered an Anti by this person (since I post in anti tags and proclaim to be anti-certain-ships), I’m also not special in my thinking. Worse, I see shippers of problematic ships praising the essay, using it to validate themselves and their arguments against antis. So this essay now feels more like an attack on people who are trying to fend off any notion that paedophilia is acceptable rather than solve any actual issue.

The essay itself goes into how antis on Tumblr have blurred the definition of paedophilia by defining it in various ways in accordance with their own views. To the point professionals have a hard time giving the term any identifiers. As someone who studies psychology for a hobby, I feel like there are identifiers. Sure, there is a sense of morality that goes into it, but since I also study upon BDSM culture, I could safely say that the identifiers should be if both parties can accurately, completely, and safely consent AND if there isn’t a power imbalance between the two. There are no doubt other factors that tie into it, but I believe these two are important and must go hand in hand, specifically. Because you can have power imbalance between two adults: I just watched a documentary about how a woman killed her husband, and one of the problems that arose was his use of control over her since he was the heir of a huge company and she came from a poor background. The consent issue can also happen between two adults, sure, a person drunk and passed out on a couch cannot consent. That’s why these two things must go hand in hand in defining what is and isn’t pedophilia. That’s also how you can have two kids who grew up with each other and fall in love NOT be defined pedophilia. Because apparently that was also an issue.

They mentioned these categories encompass a number of different arguments that are incongruent with the clinical definition of the term, which defines “pedophilia” as sexual interest in pre-pubescent children by someone who is post-pubescent. Another problem arises when the essay fully admits that the data was collected over two weeks.....but only collected 21 posts?? Just 21? I’m pretty sure you can get more than that on Tumblr, so that already points out a very shallow study pool, which has debunked studies before... Should I digress?

The four categories were as follows:

Legality: This is straight forward, the term is based on lawful definition. In the state I live in, age of consent is 16. In Japan, age of consent is largely thought of as 13, but in prefectures it is actually 16-18. In Tokyo, for example, the age must be 18. But these are just age of consent, the age of being considered an adult is different. And that is the age most use, like in the States it is 18. But the essay uses this post quote: “a fifteen year old having sex with anyone is pedophilia. That’s not even an argument, it’s the law...” Well yes, I would see a problem with that definition as this carries a purity culture connotation and doesn’t define the partner’s age. What if it was a 15 and another 15 year old? Another is: “It’s p*dophilia. [Character] is 17, a teenager, and [Character] is 18, an adult.” I’ve seen relationships that span 5 years come to the hurdle of one aging into adulthood before the other, and forced to wait the length of time before the other finally turns 18. It sucks, sure, but it is not pedophilia. I cannot count myself in this category as, while I believe the law is important and has purpose, I disagree with both examples.

More than those examples is the third one, which I have a problem with the framing the author uses. The example is: “If you are under 18 and I have followed you, please feel free to ask me to unfollow...” And proceeds to say it was tagged with antimap. This... I don’t see a problem with. The author frames it as the possibility that the quoted user thinks any interaction between an adult and minor is pedophilic and it doesn’t? Unless the user specifically states that, no it doesn’t. The user is trying to make others aware that they respect boundaries, that they do not wish for their actions to make others uncomfortable because they understand there is an issue with pedophilia even if it’s not something they actively engage in. They want underaged users to feel like they can create their own safe space and not feel like it’s being invaded. Setting boundaries is a good thing and does not always implicate a negative narrative. If any implication is to be had, it should be that victims of pedophilia may be sensitive to certain interactions with adults even if there isn’t the threat of actual predatorial behavior and should be allowed to voice their concerns.

Psychological Readiness: This is the power imbalance one, usually characterized by an age gap, with underlying belief that predatory reason are the only explanation for an older partner having romantic/sexual relations with someone much younger. And that’s it. Apparently people believe that if someone is 25 and their partner is 40, it counts as pedo? The power imbalance isn’t actually defined by an age gap, I can’t think of any that would be. A 25 year old and a 14 year old is a power imbalance because of experience, resources, and an ability for manipulation on one side because of the lack of the former mentioned and development on the other. Not because they’re 11 years apart. The years can affect the experience and resources, however. So while, yes, I would use the power imbalance issue, it’s not defined as the author has come to find it is on Tumblr. So this one I cannot categorize myself in, either, because age gap doesn’t bother me. My ex was 5 years older than me. Maturity is an issue between a minor and an adult, but not really between two minors or two adults? Then again, maturity can be subjective because I have found myself in positions where I am more mature than others older than me. A used quote: “behavior preying upon the youth/innocence/inexperience of another person” is more broad than pedophilia and is more classified as “predatorial behavior” which can be found in pedophilia but is not exclusive to. They then say the Psychological Readiness Definition is: a predatory older character and a younger, more inexperienced partner who is perceived as mentally and emotionally vulnerable. Yes, you can apply that to pedophilia, but again, it’s not limited to. It’s about the intent and actions of the older person/character as well.

Perception of Youth: This views pedophilia as an attraction to characters who look or act in an innocent or child-like manner, regardless of their actual age. Underlying belief is that it is an attraction to the traits of youth rather than youth itself. This one is possibly harder to pin down, as there is a problem with predators using it as a gateway or even an excuse to cover up their more sinister intents. I should know, I’m in my late 20s and I look like I’m still in high school. Last year, when I went to visit my oma in the hospital, the nurses didn’t think I was old enough to be there, as apparently 16 was the minimum age requirement. This is not a brag, this has actually negatively impacted my life. I get targeted by creeps in abundance, unfortunately. And it is hereditary, my mother was mistaken to be my older sister when I WAS in high school. Because of my experience, this is harder to use to define pedophilia despite pedophiles using it in nefarious ways. Especially since there is a whole kink surrounding the look/act young thing, they’re called “littles” in a certain community. But it is different, as that community fully focuses on consent being the basest, fundamental rule above else. Lolicon is also used as a gateway into perverse behavior towards inappropriate receivers, even if it did start out as just a fashion. I believe this more points out the blurred lines because of all the varying subjects. Like myself. I don’t act young, but I sure as hell look like jailbait. I can’t even properly explore the aromantic aspect of myself because of my baby-face. But I did read one of my favorite Webtoons called Empress Remarried in which an adult woman DOES act like she’s immature to be cutesy and perceived as innocent. So this... this is harder to use as a basis for pedophilia, and this is also where most of people’s morality comes into question and where opinions of individuals tend to define pedophilia for oneself rather than as an official term. I cannot be categorized into this one.

Canonical Stasis: this one attempts to dictate appropriate and inappropriate ways to interact with canon in fandom by citing the canon materials as the defining material. Okay, don’t really see an issue yet. The Canonical Stasis Definition argues that aging up characters in fandom beyond their canon ages and shipping them is pedophilia. Whoa, that’s...not what I understood your first sentence to be, but okay. Let’s dissect it. Most anti posts I read about how canonical ages are used inappropriately is when the timeline DOESN’T actually age them up properly. Looking at you HnY... I’ve heard plenty of SessRin shippers writing fanfiction in which their ages are adjusted appropriately, and sometimes it’s even an AU where they didn’t meet when she was a child. I was never bothered by them. But Yashahime? Their timeline puts Rin at 14 when pregnant, and 15 when giving birth, despite the original series putting Rin’s age at 7/8 and Sesshomaru at 19 human years. So that makes him 24/25 when he had sexual relations with her. This is not Rin being aged up appropriately, and I’ve seen SessRin shippers actually upset with the Yashahime portrayal. And I don’t blame them. Of course, there are much louder (and much more) SessRin shippers that want to beat down any disagreement with how Yashahime portrayed their OTP, and THAT’S where I have the problem. Because Yashahime created the problem. So I cannot be categorized into this one.

Reading the examples the author uses makes it clear to me that again, this is something that is defined by individual opinion or morality rather than actual pedophilia definition. Because the examples are “if you age up a character just to put them in a sexual position, then you just wanted to depict a nsfw imagery of a minor.” Which, in the case of Yashahime stans, I can definitely see, because Rin IS still a minor depicted to have sexual relations with an adult. But for someone who actually aged up the characters? That’s a little more dubious. And it’s dubious because sure, there could absolutely be predators who do that, and just get away with it by saying “oh, they’re older actually.” But there are people who fell in love with the characters, wanting to see them grow and explore new sides of themselves, sexuality being one of them, and that’s being lumped in with actual problematic behavior. Again, it boils down to intent.

The essay does go on to talk about a fifth undefined definition which talks about what I mentioned before: two people or characters who knew each other as children, growing up together and eventually falling in love, being classified as another form a pedophilia. This construction is predicated of the core belief that, if the characters knew each other ash children, they would never be able to see each other as adults. And I think it’s because there’s so much dubious situations surrounding acts of pedophilia that this is even called into question. Of course I do not believe it to be pedophilia, but pedophilic behavior has made people call it into question because of their own beliefs, morals, and opinions. It really doesn’t have to do with the original, clinical definition of pedophilia. I mean, our words change all the time, gay was originally happy. That’s it. So yes, we are going to see a change in the way certain things are defined, and unfortunately this happens to be one. Is it unfortunate? Yes, because it’s still a real problem and this does mean that personal beliefs are muddying the waters in tackling this real issue. But this essay is also an issue, because it points out extreme beliefs rather than having a well-rounded subject pool on how antis really are. I follow more than several, and I see their posts, and I couldn’t categorize them into any of these 4 by the author’s definition, either. I remember reading about how Rin’s appearance was posed as a problem but only in tandem with Yashahime still portraying her as a minor due to their timeline, so that hardly counts as Perception of Youth or Canonical Stasis...

I wanna say this essay was trying to basically point out that if we are going to go against paedophilia, then we should have a unified front, but it feels like it’s just targeting antis for the perceived wishy-washiness. It doesn’t even provide a resolution, or a suggestion. And the problem is morality DOES go into how people view pedophilila, even with the clinical definition, and there is an obvious difference in morality from person to person. For my own example, let’s use murder. You hear a news story where a man has killed a woman. First thought might be that he was just another predator, she probably didn’t give him something he wanted, or a myriad of reasons why a man might kill a woman, typically the consensus is that she is the victim and he’s the murderer. What if more information is had and he killed her in self defense? The public’s opinion will change, some may still see her the victim, others may use this scenario to signal boost that men can be abused by women, too. In the eyes of the law, he’s still a murderer, and will still get prosecuted despite the truth being that he saved himself. Your morality will shape how you view the situation, whether you still would call him a murderer, or a survivor, or maybe even just a victim. He could be all three, even, and your perception will define that to you.

Now I can agree that some things labeled paedophilia by users in these examples have no substance because it boils down to personal opinion, but also there’s a huge problem that arises from this essay in that shippers of problematic ships are now going to use it in their defense, and the author of this essay is turned in a bad light. So the essay is getting a lot of support.... from the wrong sort of people. And the discussions really feel like an excuse for paedophilia, rather than tackling that as a problem. Sure, there’s odd discourse in antis in this perspective, but instead of going at the antis like this, why wasn’t the essay about paedophilia and how to define it, itself? I want to give the author the benefit of the doubt, but it almost feels like they are shippers of problematic ships and wanted to take an academic standpoint in their own defense.

Because another problem I thought of reading this was that not all anti-shippers are against problematic ships because they’re defined by pedophilia? For example, I’m fully anti Lokius, which is Loki and Mobius pairing. Why? Because Mobius willfully and purposefully tortured Loki. So the ship is basically an abuser and their victim, and since I’ve had a relationship like that, I’m fully against it. But...they’re both adults? This person would still define me as an anti, since I am vehemently against the ship, but there’s nothing pedophilic about it? Just pointing that out.

I’m sorry this post is so long, I had a lot of feelings about reading this essay. I wanted to give it a chance to see if my initial reaction was just defensive of myself. And because of that, I didn’t want to link my own thoughts to the original post and open myself up to more discourse from problematic-ship supporters.

Also, not tagging this post because it’s my ramblings. If anyone reads it, thank you, you didn’t have to. If you want to share it, I’d really just ask you repost instead of reblog, I dunno if I could handle the attention with the IRL stuff going on right now. I just needed to direct my energy elsewhere for a time.

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hellsbellssinclub · 6 years

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Across the Stars. Part 31.

Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Part 10/ Part 11/ Part 12/ Part 13/ Part 14/ Part 15/ Part 16/ Part 17/ Part 18/ Part 19/ Part 20/ Part 21/ Part 22/Part 23/ Part 24/ Part 25 / Part 26/ Part 27/ Part 28/ Part 29/ Part 30/ Part 31/

Ao3

Hello. I am alive. Sorry about the two month wait. Here is a new chapter.

Obi-Wan, The Doctor and Donna finally get to see Master Qui-Gon Jinn! And there is a lot of exposition.

The walk to Master Jinn’s quarters was slightly awkward.

Donna was still angry and annoyed. She was keeping it under control, like how the Guardians of the Whills taught her several months ago. The Doctor was not that much better. Whereas Donna was like a raging fire in the wind, The Doctor was the hidden rapid pools on Rankonkana; calm on the surface but twisting and turning where the eye could not see.

Master Plo more than likely could also feel Donna and The Doctor’s anger, but the Master said nothing of it. Instead, the Master Jedi gave a small history lesson about the Order and the Temple, pointing out various busts and architecture and explaining their significance to the Jedi. Obi-Wan was aware that they were going the long way around to where Master Jinn’s quarters were but he said nothing, hoping that the longer walk would calm his friends down a little.

Which it did, a little bit anyway. By the time they reached Master Jinn’s quarters, Donna no longer looked like she wanted to murder someone and The Doctor seemed to be calmer. When they did reach the door to the Jedi Master’s quarters, both Donna and The Doctor quietly allowed Master Jinn to introduce himself and let them into the room.

The room itself was spacious and warm. There was a small table in the middle of the room by some couches and a kitchenet on the far wall by what looks to be the bedroom. The whole area looked comfortable and homely.

There was an awkward silence between all of them for a few seconds before Donna marched up to Master Jinn and slapped the Jedi Master across the face.

Master Jinn winced and gave a painful smile down at Donna. “I deserved that.” He said rubbing his cheek.

Donna was gently pulled back by The Doctor, who looked slightly pleased. “You deserved that. And more.” Donna hissed. “You and this whole organisation of yours all need a damn good reality smack down to realised what the hell you have done to the children in your care.”

Master Jinn nodded in agreement. “We have already had one of those. Well, several of those if I am to be honest. A lot has happened in the past several months.” The Jedi Master paused before looking down at Obi-Wan. “Obi-Wan Kenobi; I owe you my deepest apologies for the way I treated you.”

It was weird to hear the older man say that. While there is a small little part of him that still felt resentment for the way he had been treated, the last six months had helped him to learn to move past a lot of what he had gone through and unlearn things he had been mistaught by the Order.

“I accept your apology, but I do want to know why you said those things.” Obi-Wan stated, chin raised and voice calm.

The Jedi Master quirked his lips and gestured at the couch. “Why don’t we all sit down, the explanation to everything would be a lot easier to give if we were all comfortable.”

Donna and The Doctor shared one of their looks that Obi-Wan could never fully understand before they both moved towards the couch. Obi-Wan and Master Plo followed them with Master Jinn behind them. Once they were all seated together, Master Jinn spoke.

“To put it simply; the reason why I spoke to you the way I did was because your words accidentally set off a panic attack.” Master Jinn said with a painful look. “I should not have lashed out at you the way I did and my having a panic attack is no excuse for what I said. I had gone to apologize to you the next day but by then you had been sent to space station.”

“Panic attack?” The Doctor tilted his head slightly, a frown appearing on his face.

Master Jinn nodded. “I am unfortunately prone to them. It is one of the reasons I do not and cannot have a Padawan. When young Kenobi here asked me to be his Master it was really the straw that broke the pack mules back after a very long week. It is no excuse, as I said. And I had gone to explain and apologize to young Kenobi but then he disappeared with you and well.” The Jedi Master waved his hand.

Master Plo spoke up. “I would like to add that young Kenobi here was not supposed to be left alone at the space station and that he should not have been sent there in the first place. But because he was, the Jedi Order was able to uncover a plot to harm our younglings from inside our Temple.”

“What do you mean by that?” Donna said with a frown. “Obi-Wan being humiliated and sent away was a good thing?”

Master Plo shook his head. “The humiliation no, the being sent away yes. If Obi-Wan had not been sent away like he was then Qui-Gon would not have gone to confront Master Windu about his reasons for doing so. It took us a while but we soon realised that Bruck Chan, the boy who had accused Obi-Wan of harming him and Master Windu himself, had been under the control of a Sith Master.”

Obi-Wan blinked in shock at that. He thought that the Sith were all gone, destroyed by their own Rule of Two philosophy. The fact that there had been a Sith in the Temple who had managed to control both Master Windu and Bruck was just mind boggling.

“Is Bruck okay?” Obi-Wan asked with a frown. From what he could remember from his classes in the Temple and from what he learnt out while traveling with The Doctor and Donna, being mind controlled could have ill effects on people. Redirecting someone’s attention is one thing but full control of someone’s actions can do a lot of damage.

Thankfully Master Plo nodded and said. “Yes, young Bruck Chan is well. Our mind healers worked to help fix the damage that was done. He has been eager to speak to you in person. I believe he wants to also apologize for his actions.”

“How did you find out they were being controlled?” The Doctor asked, frowning and looking confused. “Also, I was under the impression that the Sith were gone? Or at least the original Sith’s anyway. These new Sith’s though, weren’t they supposed to have been defeated by the Jedi years ago?”

Master Jinn sighed and looked tired. “To answer your questions, I realised something was wrong with Mace when he could not fully answer my questions about why he had not followed protocol for sending away a youngling who has either aged out or has shown signs of not having the right mentality to be within the Order. Since Mace was one of the ones who updated these protocols himself, it was disturbing to see him deflect and ignore my questions. So, I knocked him out and took him to the healers.” The Master shrugged as if knocking someone out was a completely normal reaction to suspecting something is wrong with your friend.

“You knocked him out?” Donna raised her eyebrows at Master Jinn. She seemed to share the same thoughts as Obi-Wan about the strangeness of knocking out one’s friend.

The older Master nodded. “I have known Mace Windu since we were younglings. His behaviour was disturbing. The healers were able to determine that he was under the control of a Dark Sider. Once we realised that fact we pulled Bruck Chan aside and checked him over too. We found the same energy was on the youngling and set about healing and helping him too.”

“You said you uncovered a plot to harm the children? What plot was that and has it been resolved?” The Doctor asked, looking at both Master Plo and Master Jinn with a serious expression. “Because we don’t want to send Obi-Wan back to an environment where he could get hurt.”

Master Plo leaned back in his chair. “The plot was to slowly take our younglings away from the safety of the Order, much like how young Kenobi was. Force Sensitive children are a rarity and they could either be sold off into slavery or they could be taken and retrained in the ways of the Sith. From what we have found out so far is that Obi-Wan was the first they have tired to take. It was no coincidence that the man you helped apprehend was a slaver. We have put in place many new security measures to protect out younglings. Obi-Wan is quite safe with us.”

“And this Sith Lord, person, whatever, what happened to them?” Donna asked, sharing a look with The Doctor.

“He escaped.” Master Jinn stated. “But he is being hunted down by Jedi Shadows. They will be able to track him down and either put a stop to him or capture him and take him to a prison that will hold him.”

“So, Obi-Wan is safe here?” The Doctor asked. “And all of your other younglings? There is no way that this Sith can get in and do that again?”

Master Plo nodded. “Yes, Obi-Wan is safe here. As are all of our younglings. We have put into place more security, as we said. And while it is not impossible for the Sith to get back into the Temple, he would not be able to do it without everyone knowing that he was there. We are taking ever step we can to ensure the safety of our younglings and our fellow Jedi.”

There was silence for a few minutes as everyone digested what had been said. Obi-Wan had not thought that things had been this bad or that there could have been a Sith involved. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought that any of this could happen. A Sith, an actual real life Sith had been in their Temple and had controlled both Bruck and Master Windu. It was a terrifying thought. There has to be more to the story and Obi-Wan was eager to find out more.

But before he could ask either Master to go into more detail about what had happened, Donna spoke up and said. “I take it that Obi-Wan’s friends have been eagerly awaiting his return, right? And they are probably all excited to see him. Why don’t we send Obi-Wan down to his friends and let them speak to each other?” Her smile was slightly sharp.

“Oooh that is a good idea!” The Doctor grinned and Obi-Wan silently cursed in his mind. Of course, they were both going to still be angry.

“You guys just want me out of the room so you can both yell and swear at Master Plo and Master Jinn, don’t you?” Obi-Wan frowned at them. He was thirteen, he didn’t need to be sent out of the room while The Doctor and Donna yelled at the two Masters or possibly the Council if they got the chance again.

Master Jinn gave a laugh. “No, no. It is fine. She is right in saying that your friends have been eager to see you. Padawan Bant should be done with classes for the day. You should go and see her and send her Master down here to us. I am sure Tahl would very much enjoy having Miss Noble yell at us.”

Donna looked over at Obi-Wan, giving him a softer smile than the one she gave the two Masters. “Obi-Wan, I know that you don’t like being sent away from the conversation, but I think it would be best for this conversation not to happen around underaged ears. You said that you did want to see your friend Bant first, didn’t you?”

Obi-Wan pouted slightly. He could tell there was probably another reason as to why Donna and The Doctor wanted him to leave the room but he decided not to push it. In the last six months of traveling with them, neither The Doctor or Donna had lead him astray. He was willing to trust them with this. If they needed him out of the room he would leave the room. Though he cannot say that he is happy about it.

“Okay.” He nodded before looking over at Master Jinn. “What room should I be going to?” He asked.

The Jedi Master gave him the room number and directions. Obi-Wan stood and walked to the door, he would have liked to have stayed to hear what Donna and The Doctor wanted to talk about with the two Masters but he was definitely excited about seeing Bant again. He wondered if any of his other friends were also in the Temple. It would be great to see them all again.

And he would need to track down Bruck, if he was still in the Temple. They both needed to sit down and have a talk about what happened between them. They had never been friends, nor had they overly liked each other but Obi-Wan had never hated Bruck and he was sure now that Bruck did not hate him.

He gave the Masters and his friends a smile before he palmed open the door and ran down the hall. He was going to go see Bant!

#Across the Stars #hellsbells wrote something!!!#star wars #doctor who #Star Wars/Doctor Who #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Donna Noble #10th doctor #qui-gon jinn #plo koon #star wars fic #doctor who fic

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miss-noo-na · 7 years

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The Boy King (Chapter 5)

Prologue / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10

Title: The Boy King

Genre: Royal AU

Rating: PG-13

Things did not calm down after the ball, instead they fell back into the frenzy of Kingdom business, Jooheon investigating possible ties to his father’s demise, and of course, visitor preparation.

Rumors were flying all over about who they were, but there was no mistaking what they were there for. You didn’t know much about this princess, but you had sure picked up a variety of tidbits from listening in to other servants and even courtly advisers. You tried to ignore most of it, it was all hearsay, but it still made you sick to your stomach to think about.

Jooheon was much too busy lately to spend time around you, and you were both relieved and forlorn about it. Since he had seared you with his kiss not once, but twice, you craved to feel it again. Yet, the thought also mortified you greatly, and you did not know if you could handle the consequences. You knew he had thought of kissing you before he’d done it, but that didn’t mean you knew how he truly felt about you.

This would become a mystery no longer, when you walked into his room and, upon closing the door behind yourself, felt the swoop of air around you as he hinged his arms up under yours and embraced you.

His body was pressed against yours so swiftly it almost knocked the air out of you, and you felt the hot tufts of his breath against your neck. He inhaled deeply into your hair.

“What are you doing?” You stammered. Someone really needed to teach him about subtlety. It was like he didn’t know how to interact with you without his passion completely consuming him, and although it took you off-guard, you didn’t entirely despise it.

“I’ve missed you.”

Your cheeks burned red-hot as you tried to angle your head away .

“I’ve been right here.” You said, your words coming out light, still trying to find a way to get air into your lungs again.

“I know, that’s what makes it all the more torturous.” He said wistfully, sighing into the skin of your neck, and you shivered.

You let out a nervous laugh, though you eased into his embrace and let your hands fall against his arms.

“You should be more careful.” You warned trying to bring some sense into all of this.

“I think I’ve been careful long enough.” He said, drawing back his head so he could look down at you, and something in his eyes made those words carry much more intent.

You shook your head; you were smiling despite not really knowing what you were feeling.

“Where has all this come from?” You asked

He looked serious then, his brow drawing down.

“To be honest, it was all very tempestuous when you first arrived here, as I’m sure you remember.” He explained, and you nodded.

“Everything you ever said to me got underneath my skin, just hearing your words repeating in my head made me so angry.”

You hoped this was turning around, though you were also quite amused by it. You had remembered testing him, letting your strong-will get the best of you.

“That started to turn into…something else.” He continued, struggling to explain. “It became less about anger and more about this nagging feeling I couldn’t quite describe. Then I started having these dreams.”

He looked like he regretted the last part as soon as he’d said it, his eyes shifting away and for the first time ever, he looked bashful. It was adorable.

“After that, I thought about you a lot more, for different reasons. You’ve really helped me, you know. I don’t think I could have survived these first few months as King without you.”

You were touched, this was much more than just lust or childish affection, you truly felt his gratitude, and he showed it to you often and now hearing it in his own words only made it appear greater.

You felt him squeeze your waist, and when you let your eyes raise back up to meet his, he was dipping down to let his lips fall onto yours. He was getting a lot better at this.

Still, somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew it could not last

Through the entire kingdom chaos, his duties, and your daily chores, you still found moments to be together in a way that was not about courtly business. That sometimes meant him keeping you company while you mended clothing, or taking walks in the evening around the courtyard, which as his closest companion and servant, did not appear unusual to others. You started to think he found something appealing about the taboo nature of it, because he liked kissing you when you least expected it, in times and places where you could get caught. He’d catch you in a hallway, cup your face gently, and plant firm, loving kisses against your mouth, swallowing your whimpers of fear and excitement.

If you ever mentioned anything about the impending visit of the princess, he changed the subject, and as it drew upon you, you felt yourself wanting to push it more. You refused to simply be a toy or source of entertainment to him before he took on a wife. That was not your destiny.

“Are you prepared?” You asked simply, not even looking up from your hemming. He turned from his writing desk and assessed you.

“For what?”

“You know what.”

He sighed.

“I suppose.”

You pursed your lips and narrowed your gaze, but didn’t look up.

“Just because she’s coming to visit, doesn’t mean anything is going to happen.” He tried to ease your mind, but you weren’t stupid.

“I hear she’s very beautiful.”

You could see him staring at you, annoyed, but tried to remain unaffected.

He stood after a moment and approached, reaching down to gently taking your needle and fabric out of your hands and lay it down. You looked up at him.

“Let’s take a walk.”

You followed him silently through the castle, a couple paces behind him as it was proper to do, though you only did it for show in front of others. You found your way outside, where dusk cast a pastel glow over the hedge walls, rose bushes, and stone pathways. It was easy to get lost in the garden, the one that belonged to his mother, and not many people ventured there, especially at this time of day. Once you were incased in the maze of plants, you were able to walk side by side.

You felt his hand nudge you, and his fingers threaded through yours and curl toward your knuckles, and your heart fluttered.

“I don’t want you to worry.” He said as you strolled idly, and you watched the flowers dance in the delicate breeze, wanting to believe him.

“I have every reason to worry. I have no idea what my future holds, or what part you play in it. Whatever it is I want, cannot be.”

“What is it that you want?”

Your steps began to slow as you considered his words. As a servant to the royal court, your life had been decided for you. You knew what fate you would be met with from the moment you could comprehend thoughts of the future, and it wasn’t until here and now that you realized that might have changed. Jooheon had given you more freedom then you knew what to do with, and with that came the rush of possibilities. Maybe you could be more? Think more, decide more, and feel more.

That didn’t make it any easier to answer his question.

“I don’t know.”

You came to an inner clearing with a grand tree at the center that provided shade on hot summer days. Now, as the sun slipped away, it’s hanging branches and thick foliage cast shadows across your faces. You let go of his hand and went toward it, enchanted by its rough, dark bark and the carving you’d just spotted at the center of the trunk.

You traced your fingers around the initials in the heart, scarred over by time.

“My parents.”

That was all Jooheon said faintly from behind you. It seemed that the former king and queen had loved one another quite ardently; something you felt had to be rare.

You turned back and Jooheon was stepping toward you, pressing you back into the tree and ravishing your mouth with his own. You encircled his neck with your arms and accepted him, pressing your lips back into his, letting his tongue explore you and his hands drift to your sides.

You don’t know how long you stayed there like that, you just knew that when he pulled away your lips were sore and you were out of breath.

Even in what was now darkness, his eyes were piercing, and you dreaded having to part from him. He walked you inside, and there was no more talk of the visit, and you were left just as confused as when you’d started.

You slept uneasily the next few day as it drew closer and closer, and it was only that morning that you’d learned from a court Gentleman that you would be enlisted as the princesses personal lady-in-waiting during her stay. You felt sick.

You waited patiently with the others out in front of the castle as they arrived, first their personal court members, the king, and then his daughter.

She was quite fair, in all facets; light, blonde hair in long ringlets, icy blue eyes and alabaster skin. There was something ethereal to her, fae-like, as if she’d never seen the sun. You swallowed hard as she approached, the feeling of utter defeat enhancing with every step she took toward the door.

You gave a slight bow and she acknowledged you with a nod, which was all that was needed for her to know what you were there for. You entered to where the two of them would meet, and you stayed back, but made sure you could see, even if deep down you weren’t sure you wanted to watch.

Jooheon greeted the other king, obviously much older than him, and then he met his daughter. You studied his face and he was cordial, though you searched for signs of something more, maybe a flicker of attraction. There was nothing obvious, but maybe he was just good at hiding it.

The princess spoke, poised and melodious.

“We were acquainted at the ball, but it was very brief.” She explained, to which Jooheon smiled.

“I do recall.”

You weren’t sure how much longer you could stand to stay and listen, but you had a job to do.

Luckily their pleasantries were short, and you were now escorting her to her quarters, making sure her bed was made and there was a basin of fresh water at her bedside. She removed her heavy over-garments until she wore a simple gown, but even that was embellished in gold.

“You’ve been most helpful.” She smiled at you, and you only nodded.

“Is there anything else you request of me?” You asked, not meeting her eyes. She waved a hand.

“Not tonight, I’ll call for you in the morning.”

You bowed and excused yourself, knowing she was preparing herself for dinner. That is where a great deal of discussion would take place, and you didn’t know if you were upset or relieved that you would miss it. You had a hard time thinking about her interacting with Jooheon, and yet were dying to know the particulars of their intentions here.

You continued your usual chores, and had your dinner where you always did. Tonight, you avoided anyone else, even the other servants you were chummy with, in no mood to chat and pretend you didn’t feel bad.

You started about your nightly rituals then, and when you went to fetch the laundry you noted that Jooheon wasn’t in his room like he usually was after dinner, but that wasn’t to strange, he had company, they could be having an after dinner drink or discussion in the war room. You gathered up the garments you needed and left the room, passing the windows in the hall. Something outside caught your attention.

You stopped and put the basket down, leaning toward the glass and peering out. Jooheon was walking the princess around the garden.

It was innocent enough. They walked side by side but at a distance, and seemed to be talking. The princess smiled a lot, showing her teeth and listening mostly. Yet somehow the display sat horribly within you, and you bit back on the feeling to express yourself foolishly. It stung the back of your eyes and made your insides twist up, and yet you couldn’t look away.

They disappeared beyond a large hedge and you turned abruptly, picking up your basket and walking away.

Your mind raced as you washed, scrubbing harder than you ever had, almost ripping the fabric in your hands. You were a dumb girl. A fool. A peasant with no hope of being or feeling anything extraordinary. You would work until your body gave out, or you bore a child with another lowly servant who treated you like cattle, whichever came first. You would die destitute and alone.

You thought for a moment that you might be overreacting, but were you? This is what was truly expected of you, and just because you had a brief affair with royalty does not mean your destiny would change overnight. You were certain you were neither the first nor the last “companion” of a royal figure who had been tossed to the dirt after her services were no longer needed.

The king would take a wife. The king would have his queen. The king would have children and grow old beloved by his family and his people. And you would continue to dwell in the shadows.

You retrieved every bit of cloth and tool out of the king’s quarters, practicing in your mind how you’d go about letting him know you’d work from your own room from now on.

#jooheon scenarios #monsta x scenarios #lee jooheon #monsta x #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenarios #royal au

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sallymolay · 6 years

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Brynn Tannerhill writes in The Advocate:

1. Who wrote it?

Would anyone take an article on how to deal with racial issues written by David Duke seriously? Or an article on American Jewish history written by Richard Spencer? Of course not, unless they were a raging bigot to begin with. Therefore, you look at who the authors of anti-transgender articles are. [...]

2. Who does the author hang out with?

Let’s apply the white-nationalist analogy again. Suppose someone claimed not to be a white nationalist. They just write books and articles that white nationalists love and quote all the time. They hang out on white nationalist internet forums, and generally support the statements made by white nationalists in the comments section. They also give away links to free electronic copies of their works on white nationalist websites. Almost all of their followers on Twitter are white nationalists and people who really hate black people. Would you really take their claims of not being a white nationalist seriously? [...]

3. Where is it published?

Would you ever take an article published on Der Sturmer or Stormfront about Jewish conspiracies seriously (besides someone who’s obviously comfortable with their own anti-Semitism)? Obviously not — neither publication has ever had anything nice to say about Jews, and their bias isn’t hidden.

So why on Earth would you give any credence to an article about transgender people on The Federalist, The Daily Caller, Breitbart, or any other far-right-wing site seriously either? None of them has ever had a nice thing to say about transgender people, and have consistently treated us as a public health hazard that needs to be removed from the public consciousness.

4. Does it blatantly misuse (or cherry pick) real research?

One of the quickest ways to spot biased and unreliable articles about transgender people is when they misuse actual research. Most commonly this occurs when they cite a 2011 study by Dr. Cecillia Dhejne to argue that medical care for transgender people is ineffective, or that it makes them suicidal. The problem is, the research actually says no such thing, and Dhejne has gone on the record saying that attempts to use it to make these points are both wrong and unethical.

5. Does it blatantly misrepresent the actual positions of people?

Dr. Kenneth Zucker is a problematic figure. He has been the biggest proponent of the 80 Percent Desistance Myth, and been completely opposed to supporting kids in any gender variant behavior whatsoever, even if the kids are otherwise emotionally healthy and happy. This is why he is frequently cited by people and organizations opposed to letting transgender and gender variant kids be themselves.

However, what they never acknowledge is that even Zucker supports the use of puberty blockers for adolescents (i.e. those who have started puberty) who are gender dysphoric, because in an interview with a conservative outlet he conceded that, “By age 11 or 12, trans kids are typically 'locked in' to their gender identity” and for them, “I very much support that pathway, because I think that is going to help them have a better quality of life.” (i.e. even Dr. Zucker thinks that kids older than 11 or 12 are unlikely to to desist.)

As a result, any person or article that tries to apply the 80 percent desistance figure to transgender teens are transgender teens is either ignorant, or lying. In either case, this makes it unreliable and unworthy of further consideration.

6. Does it misrepresent the positions of mainstream organizations?

One of the most common examples of this is the breathless assertion that, “They’re giving hormones and sex change surgery to 6 year olds!” “They” in this case meaning medical practitioners who fall under the World Professional Association of Transgender Health Standards of Care. WPATH sets the standards followed by the vast majority of health care providers who specialize in transgender medicine. These standards do not recommend blockers (a reversible intervention) until the age of 12 and hormones until the patient is 16. [...]

7. What organizations does the author represent?

Ask what organizations the writer belongs to, or is representing. Do they belong to a hate group, as defined by the Southern Poverty Law Center? Or speak for fake medical organizations that are routinely produce recommendations driven by religious beliefs rather than peer-reviewed science and medical consensus? If they do, they cannot credibly claim to be unbiased, or acting in the best interests of transgender people. [...]

8. Who does the article cite?

Does the article rely on sources that are biased and/or discredited? Dr. Paul McHugh would be an example of someone who is both biased and discredited as a source. Be able to describe why this source is biased or discredited. For example, Johns Hopkins has implicitly repudiated McHugh’s work by reopening the gender clinic. If the article relies on biased and disreputable sources to make its point, it's no good.

9. Does the article go against the scientific consensus?

There is currently an overwhelming consensus by professional organizations for mental and medical care providers on the necessity and efficacy of health care for transgender individuals. These organizations include the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, and the American Psychiatric Association. These organizations studied the matter in detail before taking these positions.

Thus, if the author contradicts all of these organizations, they must adequately explain why they are more qualified or smarter than the vast majority of experts who have studied the issue based on peer-reviewed evidence. Alternately, they must explain why all the peer-reviewed evidence is wrong (in a way that would survive peer review.) Otherwise, it’s merely an opinion piece with little in the way of (cherry-picked) research to support it, by someone with very few qualifications, and probably an axe to grind based on personal beliefs as well.

10. Does it substitute anecdotes for research?

Many of the articles that have come out recently about detransitioning and regrets are based on anecdotes, not actual research. This is because the actual research shows that when the Standards of Care for mental health care professionals is followed, regret rates are very low, and even then often caused by factors external to the patient (e.g. surgical complications, mistreatment, and abandonment after transition). Often, anecdotes leave out or ignore key details as well, which brings us to the next question you should be asking…

11. Are crucial details left out or ignored?

Here’s some facts about Senator John McCain. He joined the Navy, and tried to commit suicide as an indirect result of joining the Navy. From this statement, one could be led to draw the conclusion that the Navy makes people suicidal, or that McCain was mentally unstable, and should never have been allowed in the Navy in the first place.

However, it leaves out the key detail that he attempted suicide after being shot down, becoming a POW, held in solitary confinement for two years, and having his arms torn out of their sockets (leaving him permanently crippled) by his Vietnamese captors.

Similarly, most of the anecdotes about detransitioners leaves out crucial details. Chief among these omissions is that there seems to be a common thread that most of them did not have access to competent mental health care before transitioning, or did not avail themselves of it. Others detransition, but do not regret having done transitioned. Another frequent omission is that people often detransition due to being abused for transitioning in the first place. Systemic abuse can lead to very unhealthy mental states and poor decisions, whether by John McCain or a random transgender person.

12. Does it make unsupportable assumptions?

A prime example of an unsupportable is that transgender people can (and should) just stop being transgender because of higher health risks, as if it was like quitting smoking or eating carb-loaded snacks before bedtime. This assumption first ignores that the medical and mental health care communities regard efforts to change sexual orientation and gender identity as ineffectual and unethical. It also ignores the fact that the only people promising to “fix” someone’s gender identity are the same people who failed so miserably at “curing” gay people while using the same “embrace your God-given masculinity” snake oil. Or, conversely, it’s a lot easier to reasonably assume based on the peer reviewed evidence that if transgender people weren’t ostracized, abused, and legally marginalized they’d have better mental health outcomes.

13. Does it make unsupportable conclusions? And ignore the supported ones?

Examples of unsupportable conclusions in anti-transgender articles are myriad. Many of the anecdotes about detransitioners essentially conclude that no one should ever be allowed to transition (which ignores the peer reviewed evidence showing the vast majority of transgender people report improvement in quality of life after transition). A far more logical conclusion would be that people should have better access to competent mental health care providers, which is something the APA is recommending anyway.

14. Does the article make wild accusations and predict ludicrous outcomes?

Wild accusations (that have actually happened) include that accepting transgender people will destroy humanity, cause people to forget how to procreate, cause hurricanes and terrorist attacks, destroy legal rights for LGB people, and destroy the LGB community by stealing all queer kids and forcing them to transition.

15. Does the article imply religion is a cure for gender dysphoria?

This is a theological argument, and not a scientific one. If there was peer-reviewed evidence that prayer was more powerful than medicine, we wouldn’t need hospitals. Indeed, they’ve actually extensively studied whether prayer is any good at curing people (hint: it’s not). On the other hand, there is plenty of evidence that religious counseling and conversion therapy is harmful to queer people. The Bible has very little to say about transgender people directly, and what exists is contradictory. The Bible is much more clear on things like divorce and adultery. Indeed, the Bible pretty explicitly endorses things we accept as social evils now, such as slavery and polygamy. In other words, the Bible is a poor manual for setting public policy, and especially policy for health care.

Read the whole story!

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lfbtqa #transphobia

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