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#which has always fixed crashes
appreciatingtokrev · 7 months
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i think my phone is forever dead and i am genuinly crying about it
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the-acid-pear · 1 month
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im always like pffft trauma cant reach me im over that shit im only angry and i know how to direct my emotions to the source and then i come to this website shaking like a wet dog lika rrare you guys mad at mee,,, :(
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musical-chick-13 · 3 months
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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feretra · 6 months
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did today just swoop in to make up for all the pitfalls of the last few weeks because it’s like my entire red list of worries is getting struck out the longer the day goes on!
#ooc#tbd#[ I’ll stop posting ooc for now but… my cousin was losing her housing at the end of the month ]#[ she had no way to pay rent because she can’t work since her stroke ]#[ and she can’t drive since she’s now also hemispherically blind in both eyes ]#[ but as of next month she’ll be sober from everything!!! for year ]#[ she has never achieved this level of sobriety before she always drank or smoked or did something ]#[ she has been meth / marijuana / alcohol / everything free this time and her whole attitude is very different ]#[ she is also haarlep incarnate and she swore off sex for the past year ]#[ she even broke up with her boyfriend when he tried to be weird about her growth ]#[ her teeth got wrecked in her accident/stroke because she was driving and crashed at like 90mph ]#[ and I told her if she stayed sober for a year I would submit her name to orgs to get her teeth fixed and man she’s kicking ass ]#[ she’s on top of it and she called just now to tell me she potentially has new housing NOT in sober living ]#[ she’s not happy about its location but she’s determined to stay sober she’s just done with sober living ]#[ she’s a house captain (!!!) which she’s proud of and doesn’t like having to throw people out ]#[ but she gets triggered too often by them showing up fucked up too ]#[ and she just texted me right now to tell me she signed up for housing stabilization services ]#[ she’s gonna volunteer with the brain injury alliance ]#[ I am so so so proud of her this was such a good year of growth for my cousin ]
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piplupod · 9 days
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every day i see people talking about things that I simply do not understand no matter how much I look into it and think about it and try to figure it out. i cannot tell if it's brainfog and fatigue or if I'm just ,,,, incapable of being intelligent enough for it all :[
#i sure do feel like a fucking idiot lately!#I wish I wasn't (weren't?) aware of how stupid i am but unfortunately i am acutely aware of it and I can't seem to do anything about it#like... why am i unable to comprehend things. why can't i figure it out if I go learn about it. why does it just not Click for me.#becoming increasingly aware of just how little i know and how naive i am and i have to say ... its frightening me fhfkdl#i feel like i am going to be fucking mauled if i say anything ever or if i try to participate in any conversations of worth#so I've just been staying quiet constantly. but then I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone#because i never participate! i just stand in the bg and listen and watch!!#but what's driving me crazy is i dont even seem to be learning in any significant way!! even though im just listening all the time!!#why can't i make any progress in understanding shit 😭 why is it all still just as out of reach as when i started !!#i really feel like there is something very wrong with my brain but idk what to do about it dhfjdkl#I've been isolating a lot more than usual the past couple months because i just feel so useless and stupid compared to everyone else#but then i talk to ppl irl and i feel like I'm operating on a higher level of social awareness than most ppl#which then makes me feel bad bc i worry im somehow thinking im better than other ppl but its not that fhdkdl#i just get tired of like... guiding the conversation for ppl and smoothing over social potholes#like im always the one driving the conversational vehicle. and if i stop driving then we crash. idk if this makes sense#but then online im always the one who is one step behind everyone else and making blunders#so ... I don't know what to do anymore fhfjdkl i think smth has gotten very broken in my brain and idk what it is or how to fix it#UHMM ANYWAYS. this is ... a rant and a half. oops.#im the worlds most average joe cool though 👍 nothing to worry about or see here! (<- sarcasm i think)#this is one of my worst vents of all time actually fbfjdkl this one is just a real stinker#just kind of incomprehensible and way too self-pitying methinks. oh well! I'll delete it if i think better of it later dbfjdkl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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suncaptor · 4 months
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i think i do have PEM since the covid vaccine thinking back on the last three years of my life like. the patterns. but i dislike that bc i would like to believe that if i engage in intense compulsive behaviours I'll actually be able to fix my body and be okay again. which is why I've spent the last few years lowkey convinced the reason why i was so much healthier at 19 than my early/mid 20s was because I was bulimic. like bitch get real you have had excessive compulsive exercising moments too it just doesn't do the same thing to your body anymore.
#tw eating disorders#the idea of having PEM is soooo distressing but it would. make so many things make so much sense.#i definitely have some form of cfs and dysautonomia or whatever#like it seems really clear that i've had lowgrade health issues during my life that were probably based in underlying autoimmune responses#causing inflammation which makes sense considering my mom has crohn's and glaucoma and there's a lot of stuff like that on her side#but I was able to work with it i just got migraines and horrific pms issues and collapsed a lot and was always dizzy and stuff like#i could move my body and live and function i just sometimes got fucked up yknow?#but then when i got the covid vaccine it made me SEVERELY ill and i never could get better#bc it sent off this overreactive immune response that couldn't modulate and sent a cascade of inflammation across multiple systems in my bo#(and to not sound incredible about this and back it up I have a record for ulcers/gastrisis/optic nerve hemmorage/optic neuritis since thos#can be seen or whatever)#but it did it like. everywhere.#so all my old issues were worse in a way i was not used to#and also doing things like getting very in shape did not actually help any of the ways Doing Things In The World caused me to get so tired#/in so much pain/crash#or how bad my EDS and fatigue is#etc#also soooo many neurological issues my least favourite :)#which is just ahhhh#but no one will tell me how to fix it :(#i think it's probably similar to Long Covid not because the vaccine gave me covid or something#but because LC seems to be a similar issue of multisystem inflammation due to the body continuously fighting off covid#even after the acute viral symptoms pass?#but i don't know bc no professionals will talk to me about it :(#you know how hard it is to have severe living instability and mental health issues then having your body literally not working at all and#not being able to fix it and also having no one even believe you about it because it's so rare and all#i'm SICK AND TIRED#god#i just want to be able to fix it with enough passion like. can't i just over extend myself until my body is stronger?#but i do think i have PEM. maybe I should try really really hard anyways and see if it makes it worse or not :) haha!
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Plot 2 fix my sleep schedule: someone gets a giant cartoon mallet and hides ominously in my house until everyone else has gone to bed and then they come out of hiding and whack the shit out of me and then I pass out and get to sleep at a semi-normal time which would be a win for the Julia community so basically who wants to volunteer their aid in my foolproof scheme?
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tossawary · 2 months
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At the end of "Fullmetal Alchemist", Ed Elric quits the military, has given up his ability to "play god", and is (as he has been since he burned his fucking house down as a tweenager) homeless, disabled, and crashing at the Rockbell place to help his very sick brother recover.
And it's easy and funny to imagine Edward Elric essentially becoming the house husband of successful and innovative automail mechanic Winry Rockbell (and later a stay-at-home dad). Small family businesses are pretty much always a mess of needing an extra hand just to answer phones and the mail, to schedule appointments, to deliver and pick up parts, to organize stock, to "just hold this for a second for me", and so on. Pinako is not getting any younger and could use someone to cook dinner and fix the roof while she rests her back!!! Winry is busy!!!
There is also always a lot to do in a rural community, so I'm sure that Ed would find another hobby in the absence of alchemy and could turn it into a gig if necessary, if he really doesn't like automail. He has a lot of skills that he could potentially turn towards an income. I've also generally assumed that Ed made a pretty decent amount of money as a State Alchemist and still has some generous savings on that front.
But I was also thinking that it would be kind of funny if being a State Alchemist came with incredible retirement benefits. Like, the military wants to lure people in with wealth and power and resources - and then make alchemists desperate enough to keep these things that they become walking weapons of war, commit horrible crimes against humanity in the name of "research", and/or resort to human transmutation and become viable sacrifices. Ed never had to worry about getting kicked out (and presumably losing his benefits) because he was a perfect human sacrifice from the get-go (although he didn't know this). I'm guessing a lot of State Alchemists were never actually able to retire between dying in wars, failing out of the program (the brass finding excuses to save money! Bosses are always cheap!), getting arrested for speaking out or actually getting caught publicly doing bad shit, and being murdered for their crimes against humanity.
But, in theory, maybe the State Alchemist retirement benefits were absolutely incredible if you could somehow survive long enough or get permission for an early, "honorable" retirement, because King Bradley (who let's say set up this financial bait) somewhat reasonably assumed that Father would completely destroy the country before he'd ever have to pay out a pension. Which means that Ed could be out of the military for years and somehow still costing Roy Mustang a lot of money.
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i520u · 8 months
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⌕ dates with riize 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
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hello briize hello riize lovers i’m one of you please keep the requests coming
PAIRING riize x gn!reader (not proofread!)
TAGS sfw, fluff, headcanons
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OSAKI SHOTARO ༄
literally all sunshines and rainbows throughout the rest of the relationship
if you get into an argument with him that has GOT to be your fault idk what to tell you
i feel like he’s the type of boyfriend to teach you how to drive
and when you hit the curb he’s like “that’s okay! we can try again when i fix the car!”
but at the same time he’s gripping that roof handle in the car for dear life but he’s just too sweet to tell you that your driving’s horrible
he never lets you drive again btw
HE’D FILM SOOO MANY DANCE TIKTOKS WITH YOU!!!
also i feel like instead of a gf effect, it’s the opposite with him because he gives you the bf effect
your entire fashion style is gonna change for sure like have you seen this man? that is a man of AESTHETICS
would be so enthusiastic with teaching you all the tiktok dance steps
and none of these tiktoks are cringe they’re actually those cool ones
the type to hug you at the end of the tiktok video or kiss the temple of your head idk…
i imagine his ideal dates might be cafe hopping/cafe hunting all across tokyo or just shopping around shibuya
takes you to one of those claw machines while you’re shopping and he’ll try winning you a random plushie of an anime that neither of you watch
so now you have a random plush of like… some dude from haikyuu
would pay for your drinks btw (coffee, milk tea, matcha)
SONG EUNSEOK ༄
OK LISTEN.
cake decorating
he just looks like he’d enjoy doing that like did you see how proud he was wearing that hello kitty hairclip
please this man is gonna hear you suggest it and he’s like “LET’S GO!!”
craziest part is that he’s gonna eat you up at decorating it too
you’ll see him make a cute flower on his cake using the cream and you’re like “how did you do that :( how dare you be better than me :(”
and he’s gonna giggle nervously and his face is gonna turn a light shade of red while he helped you out
“i’m not better than you, we’re equally good.” and then he compares your cakes together and the only reason why yours looks ok is because he helped you for the most part
if you genuinely feel a little gloomy that yours looked bad he would purposely mess up on the rest of his cake
because eunseok will never be caught dead leaving his beloved partner unhappy, no matter how small the issue might be
i feel like he would notice those little shift of emotions that you have that even you barely notice
and he’d do his best to cheer you up because you’re just his everything </3
after the cakes are done he takes 282629 pictures of you and your cake and then he’d probably say things like “keep posing, you’re so pretty”
i think most of his dates would involve domestic things like that
if you don’t live together he’d crash to your house, help you deep clean the entire house and he considers that a date too
a little bit more low maintenance when it comes to relationships if that makes sense
also i think he’s not very clingy but he LOVESSS a clingy partner even if he doesn’t verbally say or show it
he’s always have a light blush on his face whenever you just cling on him
so please cling onto him as much as possible
JUNG SUNGCHAN ༄
just a feeling… but
gym dates 😭
and he’s so cheesy about it okay like at first you’re reluctant because the thought of going to a gym scares you
but then the first time you go there and he’s like so touchy with you in a good way
purposely standing so close to you while he helps you out with the equipments
maybe at one point he’s even like “yeah just do it like that.” while helping you out with the weights and then giving you a kiss on the cheek
which catches you off guard you almost dropped the weights but he was holding it with you so you’re good
when you blush he would let out a flustered giggle and won’t comment on it
and then you make it even worse by saying something like “i’m just flushed from the workout” and he’s like “sure babe”
would always be close to you just in case you’re caught underneath the weight and you can’t lift it up anymore
at the end of the date you’re like “i can’t move my legs” and then he just carries you
takes you out to eat something sweet afterwards
he’s going to be all smiley the whole time too
at the end he’s like “didn’t i tell you it would be fun? do you wanna go to the gym with me again next week?”
if you say no he’s not gonna sulk and punch the wall or something he’s just gonna be like “aww that’s alright too.” and then kiss your head
then he would say something like “you were incredible on your first try though, i’m proud of you.”
clenches fist i want him so bad…
PARK WONBIN ༄
i swear wonbin’s a little weird
like have you seen his tiktoks… something’s strange about that man
i think he stated before that he loves shopping so you KNOW what that means
always send you vids he sees on the internet about some new shop opening up in hongdae or something and he’s like “let’s go bae”
sends you the weirdest tiktoks and is like “you”
and then you’re like “wonbin what”
and he won’t elaborate
sends you his fit checks
if you don’t approve he will actually sulk i’m not kidding
sometimes when he’s bored he’d write a song for you
like not a singing song but a musical one from his guitar if that makes sense
he loves matching with you. matching earrings, matching clothes, matching beanies.
ohh i feel like he’d also do those cute couple videos on tiktok like you know he would slow dance with you in the snow and post it for everyone to see this man LOVES soft launching you
his soft launches are also by no means him trying to hide you or keep you a secret, it’s more like… he just likes to have a mysterious vibe to his online person 😍
also i think he loves leaving kisses on your neck whenever you snuggle up to watch a movie or something
like you’re talking to him while you’re on his lap and he’s just like “mhm, and then what?” and then he gives you kisses down your jaw and neck
he’s all over you PLEASE no matter in public or private and it’s even worse (or better 😜) in private too
HONG SEUNGHAN ༄
definitely a gamer bf
dates with him involves him going out to see the sun for the first time that week ❤️
i’m just kidding but your dates probably involves a lot of going out because you feel like this man NEEDS to get some sunlight
also one of the guys that enjoys PDA
he wins the idgaf war he would kiss you at any point of time if he suddenly feels like it
you can just be talking like straight up gossiping about something that happened between your aunt and a scammer and he would just…
he would just grabbed the sides of your face and plant the deepest kiss ever
and then you’re all flustered and he would burst into laughter
he’s the biggest flirt ever he has this one stare that would leave you WEAK in the knees
definitely has a habit of staring at your lips when you talk which makes you SOOO nervous
plays with your hands or hair while you talk
just a thought but he’d definitely run his thumb over your lower lip after he kissed it WOAH
calls you with the most generic pet names but god it makes you run LAPS
also when you come over his house he’d make you pull for him on that FIFA game idk how the game works but i hope you get what i’m trying to say
LEE SOHEE ༄
AH i feel like him as a bf is so fun
he looks like so much fun from the instagram/tiktok posts tbh
the most normal boyfriend ever help idk how to explain it
sends you pictures of him at work with captions like “fighting my hardest battle (i’m at the work i willingly applied for)
various dates
he doesn’t always suggest ideas for dates but he goes ALL out for you when you suggest them
you want to watch the sunset? best believe he’ll take you to the prettiest beach he could find for you to enjoy
you want to have a movie date? he’s gonna set up the projector at his house HIMSELF
i don’t think he’s very keen on kissing in public but he has no problem holding you close to him
holds your hand, holds you by your waist, EVERYTHING
takes 0.5x pictures of you from your forehead
he has a picture of the two of you completing a heart drawn on your cheeks as his lockscreen
always yapping about you like
“my lover made me this lunch”
“my lover gave me this for my birthday”
“my lover tied my tie for me today”
his favourite type of dates are karaoke dates sorry like this man is beyonce’s son he’s GOING to use that godsent vocals of his
also i feel like anniversary celebrations are so grand with him his love for you is so genuine he wants to give you the world and more
i want him so bad… he’s my goat
ANTON LEE ༄
dates are SOPHISTICATED
he’s bred in BOSTON you know he goes crazy with that shit
make you dress up fancy in silk and satin and stuff everyone once in a while to take you to a fine dining i’m so serious
takes you on concert dates too
like… mitski or laufey or niki zenfaya concert dates
he would lift you up on his shoulders during these concerts so you would see clearly
also likes backhugging you
he’s so soft spoken so you don’t have the heart to ever start any arguments with him
when he was a swimmer he’d give you those vip pass or something (idk how dating an athlete works oops)
after his competition finish and he’s still wet from the water and its just covered by his towel and swim attire, he would go up to you with a flushed face and would ask you if he looked cool or not
i think he’s the type to enjoy talking to you most of the time during dates or just like an everyday occurrence
like he loves staring into your eyes as you speak he loves you so much but he’s too shy to tell you that so often
he’s not the type to just blurt out “i love you” but you can just tell that his feelings for you are true from the way he stares at you
would let you decorate his hair with your hairclips and would wear them out for the rest of the day
he’s soooo smitten by you it’s crazy
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sweetcrazyluvie · 1 month
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small feelings
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fwb!jaehyun x afab reader
18+ mdni, smut
summary: you cannot shake off this feeling of sadness and aimlessness, and the only thing that makes you feel alive these days is having sex up with your sneaky link / fwb jaehyun. but after a particular hookup session, you realize you are certain of your feelings for him: you are in love with him. on top of all these lingering mental problems, you realize he will never love you back. so you have no choice but to push him away, and everything else too.
wc: 8k (girl bye it was not that serious)
cw: very self-indulgent im ctfu, depressed / miserable reader, very brief suicide ideation, arguing followed by a time skip, HEAVY miscommunication, some blood bc reader gets hurt from dropping a vase, kinda hurt/comfort (?), protected sex turns unprotected, creampie, petnames (baby, angel, princess), jaehyun kinda gets freaky and possessive, spitting kink, idk what else honestly I suck at this omg
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OCTOBER, WEEK 1
he’s approaching. well, that is what he told you about half an hour ago. and since then, you have been scrambling around the house back and forth, trying to clean up as best as you can because something as simple as that seems to slip from your mind among other things recently.
you scan your room with your eyes to see if you missed anything, and, of course, you did: your bright purple vibrator sitting pretty on your pink sheets—of which you were using before he called. you mentally smack yourself at how stupid you are to almost leave something like that out in the open.
your heart races as you run to the bathroom to do a quick clean to at least give the illusion that it is not entirely dirty. and so you do the same for every area in the house again, even the ones he will not go in. essentially, everything besides the garage because that is beyond saving.
jaehyun won’t care anyway, but eventually the place is finally to your liking and satisfaction. you head back to your room to change into a cute, tight, and pink outfit because that is something he does care about. deep down, you know that is why he is even coming to your house after work: for your body. however, you crave his too, so, in essence, that makes you just as bad.
you have to apply your makeup quickly; he should be here soon. but as your hands mindlessly work on your face, you stare at yourself in the vanity mirror: the girl who looks back is just so…unrecognizable. and for a split second, you swear you can see her frown back at you. when you blink, though, only your pathetic reflection remains.
you try to shake off the feeling as your phone screen lights up next to you.
jae <3 : I’m here. open the door.
he doesn’t knock. he never does. and somehow, the blunt tone of the message has you feeling uneasy.
you check yourself out just one more time before walking up to the door to let him in. but as your hand reaches for the doorknob, you let a sigh escape from your mouth to calm down. you are always nervous to see him, and you can’t help but hate yourself for that.
even so, you just clear your throat and fix your posture before finally opening the door. and there you see him: the most beautiful man you had ever laid your eyes upon. and more specifically, the man you wanted to be yours.
it all happened so fast. you were in his arms. I missed you’s were exchanged even though it hadn’t even been a week since the last. the both of you gravitated towards your room in an uncontrolled, frenzied manner—kissing and crashing into the walls on the way. clothes were thrown and scattered onto your carpet.
it all happened so fast—and so naturally. he just understands you in a way no one or nothing has: he makes you feel alive when everything else inside of you feels dead.
the night is young, and your body feels like it’s on fire. he’s unrelenting. it’s a feeling that you only want for yourself but you’ll never dare to let him know that—you can’t. and still, you want more. his cock is magic and you’re falling for its vicious spell.
it’s criminal: the lewd and loud sounds that your bodies make clapping against each other while also moaning relentlessly. the neighbors can probably hear you guys going at it but that does not matter at all when you’re with him. actually, all your problems vanish when you’re with him, and just maybe, that is why you always come back for more—the escapism is a drug.
“how do you feel and taste better each time? holy shit, baby.”
his nails dig those familiar crescents into your hips as the backshots he’s giving you only become more intense—pain and pleasure in its most pure and perfect form.
“this is what you wanted, huh?”
“oh god yes,” you mewl.
“taking it so good, princess.”
you unconsciously clench tight on his cock in response and he laughs softly.
“my pretty girl likes it when I tell her how good she’s doing… so fucking cute. you make it so hard to hold back, you know?”
your back arches and your hands grip onto the sheets with such a violent and searing pleasure that can only be brought out by him.
“then don’t.”
you don’t know where this sudden rush of courage came from, and it surprises the both of you. and so after a few more thrusts into you, he slows down then stops.
“what are you implying, angel?”
“exactly what I just said. if you don’t want to hold back, there is no reason you should be.”
“is that so?”
“yes,” you say, holding back a whimper as you feel his cock twitch in your walls.
“ok, I just needed the clarification. in that case… can I take the condom off then?” he asks. his voice is firm, but somehow tender and sweet.
“jae…” you sigh, even though your heart skips a beat. “actually, I don’t know…”
“you can’t just rile me up and then back down. come on, princess. I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll pull out.”
you guys had met almost a year and a half ago through mutual friends. and then you started messing around six months into knowing each other, but you had never done it raw before with him. although you don’t hate the idea, the fact he is the one who asked first makes you nervous. the feeling might be too much; the idea of it is too much. it would be too much to bear. it would feel…intimate and romantic, almost. and that right there is something you have been trying to fight in silence for a while now.
and just as you’re about to tell him no, his long fingers trail along the spine of your back and you tremble pathetically to his touch.
“come on… you know you want it too, don’t lie to yourself.”
“well, yes, but–”
“but what?”
you don’t say anything as your mind runs in circles to find an excuse; you do really want it at your core. the thought of it also awakens something primal inside of you. that voice in the back of your head is screaming no, but everything else needs this. you need this.
“you scared? scared it’ll feel too good?” he says, rolling his hips smoothly into yours again.
“I’m not scared…hhh…” you choke, shaking as he starts hitting it from the back again.
“then what is it?”
your mind blanks other than the thought of how much better it would feel if he took it off. and just like that, you find yourself nodding your head.
“you’ll let me do that? I need a yes or a no. come on, baby,” he says, fingers tracing smooth circles onto your back.
“ok fine, n-need it off. please…” you whine as you give in.
“I got you, princess,” he soothes.
he slides out of your plush walls, and you turn your head to watch as he removes the rubber with ease. his eyes glow as he strokes himself a bit and lines himself up again at your entrance.
the tip alone has you both seeing stars, but that feeling is taken to the next level when he is all the way in—it’s cosmic.
you can’t think straight. now, it’s too much yet too little. you keep rolling your hips back to meet his thrusts because you’re so needy and desperate for more. you tilt your head back again and watch as the veins in his arms pop out as he uses force to still you from moving.
“stop it. just let me make you feel good. let me do all the work, okay?”
he slides almost all the way out—his tip latching onto your entrance—before pushing himself back with force and passion. it feels like heaven, twice as nice even, and the deep seated feeling of guilt in your gut makes it shamefully feel better. so you can’t help but fight against his strength and push yourself back onto his dick.
“I thought I told you to stop doing that,” he says, voice now stern and demanding.
he grabs a fistful of your hair into a makeshift ponytail and pulls your back up to his chest.
“isn’t that right?” he whispers seductively into your ear, licking a thick stripe along the earlobe.
“s-sorry,” you cry out.
his strokes are slow and delicious like this, but before you can really bask in the feeling, he pushes you back onto the bed, his arm somehow managing to snake around your neck like a headlock. your hands are now clutching at the sheets again, with more force if even possible. his chest is right against your back and the closeness of it all is suffocating yet so divine.
“fuck jae, s-so good…”
“god, princess. you drive me crazy, you know that, right?” he groans into your ear.
his hips now slam into yours perfectly—hitting that spot and angle rhythmically. he chokes you harder with his arm as his pace becomes faster and messier. you clench onto his dick as you feel that band in your stomach about to explode.
“let me cum inside. fuck, baby, please. let me do it,” he’s vocal in a way he never has been and it’s driving you over the edge.
you just moan, mind too fuzzy to even think or speak properly. his every move and sound feels amplified like this and it’s dizzying.
“god damn, you’re just sucking me in so good… so tight… please…” he whimpers, his pace becoming even more messier.
“jae, oh my god,” you moan.
you can barely breathe now. it all hurts so good. it’s too dangerous. it really feels like he’s making love to you and you’re scared that by letting him finish inside you, your feelings for him will become even more complicated than they already are.
“hurry up, baby. yes or no. I’m not gonna last longer the way you’re squeezing onto me. holy shit…” he chokes out.
a couple more strokes has him twitching and that makes it all the more real. your heart begins to race in a way it never has before. and soon enough, you feel that sweet and vicious euphoria rushing up to you in cathartic shivers and it lets the words roll off your tongue: “cum in me, jae. please.”
the both of you cry out as the orgasm courses through your body which leads to him shooting his warm ropes into your velvet walls.
“jae, I lo–oh my…”
jaehyun kisses your ear and continues to ride out your orgasm.
he really just fucked you so good that you almost told him that you loved him. and the sad and terrifying truth was that if you weren’t sure of that before, you were damn sure of it now. you are in love with him. he mostly likely just sees you as his booty call, and you can’t blame him because you answer every time with no hesitation.
and the worst part is that you know he will never love the real you: the one that is constantly dragged down by the demons of the past.
when he pulls out and away from you, your body immediately reacts to the lack of heat and warmth from him. the afterglow doesn’t last long before the shame pours in with no mercy.
and strangely enough, the tears start to drip down your flushed cheeks because this was it. you had given him basically all that you could. you gave him the rawest form of love you had and that still wasn’t enough for an I like you. really, what more could you expect after that? things will only go down from here.
you are ripped back into reality with the sound of him rambling.
“…all right. see what happens when you let me do my thing?” he says, so happy and sure of himself.
but your heart feels like it has shattered into a million fragments. and there was no way you could hide it. you can’t even look at him. you sniffle—tears pouring and staining your cheeks.
“uh yeah…” you mumble, wiping under your eyes with the back of your hand.
the energy in the room has shifted like a light switch, but he doesn’t take notice.
“you need to go, jae,” you whisper.
“what was that, angel?”
“you need to go,” you say, voice still a quiet whisper.
“uhhh, is everything ok? I thought–”
you turn to look at him now and he is taken aback by the pain written all over your face.
“I said you need to go. now!” you raise your voice.
“what’s wrong? was it something just now? did I go too far?”
“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it right now. please… just leave…”
you wouldn’t want to see him ever again, actually you couldn’t stand the thought of having to pretend around him anymore knowing you couldn't be his and he couldn’t be yours.
“princess…” he sighs, placing his hand on your shoulder.
but you nudge it away and start to gather his clothes.
“what the hell, y/n? talk to me!”
the sudden switch to your name at this moment makes you even angrier for some reason.
“I need you to go! what about that don’t you understand?”
you throw his clothes at him, but his scent—the overuse of cologne to mask the stench of weed—bounces back to you anyway. they fall and scatter all over his feet and he stares at you in disbelief.
you knew you were being dramatic, but you couldn’t help it: you felt hurt. and most of all, just plain stupid for thinking there was even a slight possibility for something more to happen between the two of you—a future.
he sighs as he dresses himself lazily, not even bothering to buckle his belt.
“tell you what… what I don’t understand is why you always keep making things harder for me. just why can’t you open yourself up to me emotionally. WHAT is going on that you feel the need to shut down like this?”
“oh so now I’m a chore for you?”
“that is NOT what I am saying.”
“it is what you’re implying. I’m too much for you, aren’t I?”
“right now, yes, you are. but I need you to help me here. just TALK to me.”
your mind doesn’t register that last part, only caught up with that yes. you are too much for him. you already felt like a burden to everyone and everything in this damn world but to hear it vocalized from him even in the slightest had your thoughts reeling into dangerous territory.
you could not form the words, instead choking on your sobs.
“y/n…”
you cry as you feel so many emotions—all these small feelings you had ignored—crash over you like an unforgiving, powerful wave.
“hey, I–”
“just get the fuck out!” you cut him off.
your words are charged with anger and you just want to scream at him more for being so stupid and so beautiful.
he sighs again. his eyes are now glowing with a certain sadness and concern that makes the regret all the more soul-crushing. why couldn’t he just love you back? why couldn’t he just fix you?
he gets closer to you so he can place a tender kiss on your forehead. he strokes his thumb on your cheek, like he normally does, but this time it makes you feel sick to your stomach.
“just talk to me whenever you’re ready, princess. I’ll be waiting,” he says.
he walks out of your room and slams the door on the way out. the sound echoes into your heart and soul. and you cry harder than before because you knew deep down that you weren’t going to talk to him again. ever.
and loneliness, then, watches you from the nearest shadow, waiting like a ravenous predator.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
OCTOBER, WEEK 1, THE NEXT DAY
*jae <3 sent you $150
jae <3 : you know, for the plan B, just in case ;)
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
NOVEMBER
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
DECEMBER
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅
JANUARY, WEEK 2
nostalgia is one hell of a drug, and also one hell of a bitch when it comes to letting go. there’s a ton of clothes in your closet that don’t even fit you or you just wouldn’t wear anymore—your taste has changed, or rather, grown. yet for some reason you have it all stashed in there like some hoarder on a television show. it’s an amalgamation of distinct eras of your life and memories you don’t want—and also too lazy—to throw away. nonetheless, you cannot find that one damn jacket you swore was in there. you think to yourself that perhaps, just maybe, it is deep in your hamper full of dirty clothes that you haven’t touched in weeks.
you decide you need to leave your house for something other than work and unavoidable errands. staying cooped up inside has done more damage than you’d like to admit, especially when the days are like mush and blend together. this monotonous excuse of an existence is a curse, truly.
not bothering to rummage through the mess, you just pick the first jacket you can find and put it on even though it does not match your outfit at all.
it’s late in the afternoon, and it’s only been one hour since you woke up and got out of bed.
through your window, you take notice of the dull, cloudy sky and know it’s going to be that annoying, uncomfortable type of chilly and cold outside, but you have your mind settled on going to the park because god knows you need to touch some grass and reconnect with nature.
you slightly regret brushing off your friends who asked to hangout, but you didn’t want to drag their moods down with how miserable you were. you had to clear your mind—rid it of all reminders of him.
this glumness has just consumed you with a vengeance like no other.
and inevitably, it follows you to the car as you put the keys into the ignition and then drive to the park as if on autopilot. it follows you as you get out and find a bench to sit your pathetic butt on. it then sinks its razor–sharp teeth into you as your eyes scan your surroundings and realize you are alone.
there are kids playing with one another, couples walking together, and just all types of people who just don’t look empty. you know you shouldn’t generalize that because these people could just be putting on a facade for all you know. what stings, though, is how you no longer have the energy to put one on yourself. there’s no bone in your body that has the ability to present such a performance anymore.
instead, you try to focus on something else, like the trees or the stray dogs running around, but you can’t ignore the obvious: you still feel like shit.
you can’t help but ruminate over the fact that you feel so…unhappy, and a large part of that just comes from loneliness. also, you just feel stuck, like there is no moving forward from this because this sadness will never let go of its vicious grasp on you.
it’s like all the small and minor feelings you shoved aside were now majorly affecting every part of your soul, body, and mind.
there are just so many things to be disappointed about in your life and it is killing you—eating away at you inside-out. a single, stupid teardrop drips down your cheek because apparently even that is all your body can muster.
so after a few excruciating minutes of people-watching and the endless screaming in your mind, you decide that this trip was for nothing.
you don’t bother to pick up something to eat on the way home. you’ve lost your appetite.
and just when you think your day couldn’t get any more sour, it does. the cherry on top is that your car stops mid-driveway as it just shuts off. it had been needing repairs that you had been putting off and it came right back to bite in this vulnerable time.
you just groan and debate killing yourself right then and there, but then decide you should just masturbate and go to sleep.
you walk into your home like a ghost, change into comfy clothes, and hop into bed.
as you log into your second twitter account, a caller notification pops up on your screen. your heart sinks to your stomach as you end up clicking it on accident and realize exactly who is calling: jae <3.
you hadn’t exactly brought it upon yourself to block his number despite the few times he tried reaching out throughout the months you haven’t spoken.
you freeze when you hear some rustling and then his familiar, warm voice speaking: “y/n?? you picked up! oh my… I–is it ok if I talk. o-or do you wanna go first? well, we don’t have to right now if you don’t want that, we can meet up–”
beep. you hang up.
you just can’t. hearing him so happy and excited made you want to run back into his arms, but you knew that couldn’t be a reality. even if he did like you back, there was no way in hell he would love the dark parts of you, the parts that made you feel so aimless and eternally dejected. he said it himself: it was too much.
you couldn’t do that to him.
a few seconds later, you get a text that reads talk to me, please :(
and then another call, but you don’t pick up this time. although, you almost do, because he could fix your car—and you miss everything about him—but the car is the most important part, obviously.
after, you stalk all his socials and let regret do its usual bidding.
the night ends with loneliness steeped in exhaustion that not even a scrolling-through-twitter-bookmarks session could remedy.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
JANUARY, WEEK 3
it’s that damned time of the year where it rains a bit too much for your liking because now you don’t really know if it’s right to blame the weather for being extremely sad, glum, and horny but you do it anyway.
and naturally, you stare at the ceiling with empty eyes as you ponder about life or whatever (and mainly him, as always, it seems). the television plays Jersey Shore in the background, yet even that can’t conceal the incessant trickle of the rain and the downpour hitting your roof and outside your window. you want to scream or die or kill somebody; any of those sound good right about now. you’re broke as hell—bank account barely skating above the negatives—so you can’t order anything to your house and you’ve used your vibrator too many times to count that the feeling it used to give you is no longer the same. there’s no point. ugh. you hate it here.
but it’s like he can sense your distress and almost immediately after groaning into the loneliness of your room, your phone dings. you pick up the phone from under your blanket and see the screen lit up with a text message from a certain someone you’ve been avoiding.
jae <3 : you doing anything rn princess? I wanna come over. I haven’t seen you in so long… I really want to talk to you.
and that is all it takes for the walls you built up to come crumbling down.
you bite your lip to hide the cheeky grin that creeps onto your face like an idiot. damn it. you fight the urge to reply back immediately so as to not seem desperate.
yes, he’s sent a string of messages over the course of time you’ve been ignoring him, but this one feels different, and maybe that is just because you want it to be.
anyway, his dick could fix at least one of your problems right now so after waiting for what felt like forever, you hit him back.
y/n: just chilling by myself. hungry. pls bring food.
you were rotting in bed in pajamas you’ve worn for a bit over two days so you immediately scramble out of the sheets to get yourself dolled up for him because for some reason you feel the need to impress him.
it isn’t until half an hour later that jaehyun shows up at your doorstep, soaked from the rain, holding grocery bags in his hands. his dimples still show even as he smiles with semi-pursed lips.
you stare at him for a while, bewildered at how even more gorgeous and stunning he seems, and honestly holding yourself back from just latching on him like a rabid animal.
“can I come in or…are you just gonna keep looking at me like a deer in headlights?” he says, smug.
you snatch the bags from him with a swiftness that makes your emotions of lust and embarrassment all the more palpable, and head towards your kitchen table to set them down. he giggles slightly at this and he takes off his sopping wet jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack you have in the entry hallway. and then he kicks off his shoes with ease which leaves them on the floor scattered. he drops his keys on the counter with a loud bang, running his fingers through his hair after. he sighs loudly and it echoes throughout the room and you can feel it within your chest. it’s all so…safe and comfortable, and maybe that’s because he’s done this many times before. and it feels like nothing has changed even though you haven’t spoken to him in months.
well that is until you snoop through the bags and peep a bouquet of flowers—your favorite ones at that.
“jae, what is this for?” you ask.
you turn your face to look at him, thinking he’s still lurking by the entrance but he’s actually standing right behind you.
your face is now inches away from his chest. and you can breathe in his musk. he reeks of cologne and weed in the best way possible. you stumble and bump your back onto a chair as he reaches over your side.
“I saw them and I thought of you,” he mumbles, grabbing all the other bags.
he drags his feet to the kitchen and unloads all the groceries onto the counter.
it’s so subtle that you almost don’t catch it but the tops of his ears turn a bit red after he says it. it’s cute, and your heart flutters at how he remembers the little things about you.
“well thank you. they’re really pretty.”
the plastic bag crumples as you take the bouquet out and you dive your nose in to take in their sweet aroma.
“I’ll be right back,” you say before heading to your basement to find a vase to put them in, and also to cool off. maybe it was the time apart, but your mind could not function properly around him. it was like every quality about him became ten times more attractive and enticing.
you flip the light switch on and the light flickers twice before giving out. you’ve been meaning to replace the light bulb but you keep forgetting (or rather pushing it off). and now it’s caught up to you like many other things and feelings.
you use your phone’s flashlight to guide you along the mess that you created and you finally find what you're looking for, only it’s at the top of some shelf that you can’t really reach. there’s a small ladder that’s hiding in the small crevice between the shelf and the wall. but still, even after using it and taking all three of its steps, you can barely grasp the vase with your fingertips and you slide it closer and closer towards you before it finally lands in your hands safely.
you’re on your tippy toes at this point, legs trembling. and as soon as you’re ready to get down, it happens in an instant: you lose your balance.
there’s no sugarcoating it. there’s no saving grace and you fall backwards onto your ass. even though it takes the brunt of tumble, your hands fall victim to the vase and its shattered pieces.
maybe it was the noise and the commotion or maybe you let out a scream without realizing it, but jaehyun bolts into the garage not even seconds later.
through the slivers of light radiating from your phone, you can barely peep the blood leaking from your palm and his horrified face.
“a-are you ok?” he asks.
before you can even answer, he picks you up as if you were a doll and rushes you over to the bathroom where he sits you down on the toilet seat.
he already knows where everything is so he pulls out the first aid kit from the cabinet underneath the sink and tends to your bloody hands immediately.
honestly, the cuts weren’t anything major but your heart starts to beat like crazy at how worried he is yet he remains calm and careful in taking care of you.
“this is going to hurt, princess. I’m sorry,” he says before softly dabbing a wet cloth onto your skin.
you wince in pain and he reacts by holding onto your arm and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb.
“shhh… it’s ok. I’ll make you feel better soon.”
he does this for a while and eventually reaches for the bandages.
but the whole time you found yourself staring at him in awe. there was a war going on in your mind. you analyzed his every move: the way he sighed or played with his bottom by nibbling on it or how he’d sneak a glance at you with so much worry. all you wanted was to crawl into his skin and be inside of him to know his thoughts and what he was thinking about you.
he places the final bandage and looks up at you with tender eyes before averting his gaze.
“thank you, jae…” you mumble.
you can feel your heart about to just slide out of your chest and onto the tile floor. the insane pace it’s beating at won’t stop.
“why didn’t you ask me for help? I thought you were just going to your room or something. I didn’t know you were going to do that and almost kill yourself.”
“ok, well I thought I had it, but I guess not. I just needed a moment to myself anyway.”
“a moment to yourself? but I just got here?”
“you don’t understand. it’s just… never mind,” you sigh.
“what? you don’t want to talk about that right now either?” he says, tone tinged with slight resentment.
you stand up from the toilet seat because the air in the room quickly is injected with tension, and it becomes stifling and suffocating. how else are you supposed to say that him getting you flowers had you riled up? and how are you supposed to tell him that being around him is too much because you’re hopelessly in love with him and want to be more than just whatever you guys have going on?
perhaps silence and secrecy are the better options.
“ok, whatever,” he says. “that’s not the point. I was right there, you could have just told me to do it. you know I’ll always be there for you, even the small things.”
“I know, jae.”
“ok, so you do know that?”
“well…”
you have a feeling you know where this is going and you want to die.
“then how come you’ve been ignoring me? all my calls and messages… I know you’ve been getting them. and you fucking hung up on me the other day too? do you know how happy I was when you answered?” he says, anger bleeding into hurt.
“I’m really sorry-”
“I’m not stupid y/n. I don’t like when you hide things from me, you know that.”
at this point, you make way towards the door but he holds onto your arm with a vice grip and shoves you back onto the toilet seat. he uses his body as a barrier so you can’t leave and you know there’s no use trying to get through.
“are you trying to make me bleed again?” you ask angrily, trying to mask how exposed and scared you feel.
“oh, don’t be dramatic, y/n. you’re not leaving until you tell me why you’ve been leaving me in the dust.”
“you’re the one being dramatic! just let me out of here!”
“I’ll let you out when I get what I want.”
“why does it matter to you anyway?”
“because I care about you!”
“you’re only saying that because you want to get between my legs.”
“that’s not true at all.”
“is it not? because that’s what it feels like.”
“you’re not being fair. let me remind you that it was me who’s been reaching out and you were the one who decides to respond after weeks of radio silence. how do you think that makes me feel?”
“I don’t know…you could’ve tried harder,” you mumble, already resigning to the fact he had already won this mini argument.
there was no point anyway. he had every right to be angry but you just hated confrontation especially when it came to him.
you were just too flustered and emotional now. you wanted to confess your feelings to him but didn’t want everything you had to collapse. you can’t look at him in the face now.
“y/n…look, I do care about you. so fucking much, actually and you have no idea.”
“jae, I care about you too but can we just not do this right now?”
“how else am I supposed to show you that I love you when you shut me out? you don’t know how much it killed me that you acted like I don’t exist to you.”
your whole body freezes at that stupid four letter word. it sounds so pretty coming from his tongue, but you don’t know if he means it the way you want it to.
he kneels on the ground so he is at eye level with you. he starts to cup his hands on your face.
“did I do something wrong? that’s all I want to know so I can fix it or try to do better.”
there’s no point in hiding anymore. when you open your eyes which have been shut closed, you see that hurt is written all over his face and it’s all your fault. your absence in his life has affected him just like it has affected you.
he just looks so sad yet so pretty and you want him to hold you and tell you it’ll all be okay. you want to kiss him, touch him, feel him, and most of all, make love to him.
“I love you, jae. I love you so much and I don’t know, every second I’m with you it gets worse because I know I won’t be more to you. I need you in a way that you can’t even imagine.”
“y/n, I-”
“LET ME FINISH!” you cut him off.
he looks taken aback at first, but then just gives a weak nod and smile to let you continue.
you start rambling: “I… I just am going through a lot mentally too and I didn’t want to ruin what we had by saying anything so for some reason it just made more sense to ignore you and hope that it would go away and-”
all of a sudden, jaehyun smashes his lips onto yours.
it’s passionate, more fervor than usual. it’s like he’s putting his all into this kiss and you just melt into him, fingers running through his hair as his hands travel to your back to pull you in closer.
“I… love you too…y/n…” he moans in between kisses.
when you both pull away, he starts to plant soft kisses along your neck that begin to travel up to your ear.
“do you need me to show you how much I love you, princess?” he whispers.
“p-please, jae… I want you…”
with no hesitation, he carries you into your room.
he then sits on the edge of the bed as you stand before him. the both of you scramble to get some clothes off and then latch onto each other like magnets—skin on skin, lips on lips.
like clockwork, you straddle your legs over his lap. you roll your hips into his and whimper at the feeling: your bare folds rubbing against his boxer briefs. one of his strong hands holds onto your lower back as the other supports the back of your neck.
the kissing is laced with carnal desire, as if you both wanted to eat the other whole. your hips move faster in response and you're both moaning into each other’s mouth. you can feel how hard he is and also how your wetness stains and seeps into the fabric.
he pulls away to trail kisses down your neck, leaving his signature love bites and marks.
once he reaches your chest, he places soft kisses before unclasping your bra like he has done many times before. but this time, you notice the look of lust and love in his eyes as they scan your body. maybe it’s always been like that and you hadn’t noticed it. your heart swells at this and you caress his cheek.
his mouth then attacks your chest with passion and you arch your back to push your body more into his. your hips are now moving in sweet circles and your mind is clouded with how good it all feels—how much fulfilling it is now that you know that he loves you back.
“my princess, so beautiful,” he coos, before grabbing you and pinning your back against the bed.
as your back lays falt, he trails kisses down your chest, stomach, and around your plush thighs. his face then makes contact with your pussy and he watches it with hungry eyes. your body quite literally trembles just knowing he is just mere centimeters away from tasting you.
“you don’t know how long I’ve waited for this,” he confesses.
he notices you bite your lip in anticipation. the adrenaline courses through your veins as pleasure awaits you.
“maybe, I should just… I don’t know… not do this and let you see what it feels like to be left wanting.”
“baby, I’m really sorry. please don’t tease me right now,” you whine.
“you deserve this, just a little bit,” he says before blowing air right onto your dripping folds.
you clench on nothing as he smirks at you.
“I hate you,” you moan.
“I thought you loved me?”
“two things can be true at once.”
“say you love me or else I’m not going through with this.”
“but–”
“SAY it.”
you forgot how commanding he could be in bed and it has you clenching again at nothing.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he says, content.
and just like that, he dives right into tasting you finally. the months apart had done a number on you because his mouth felt infinitely better than it ever did. it was like his thirst hadn’t been quenched in years.
it felt spiritual, as if his movements came straight from the heavens above and all you could do was lay there and take in all of his love—and anger.
it didn’t take long before you began grasping onto the locks of his now longer hair, shoving him in further to reach your high faster.
however, he pulls away with a quickness. you groan at the feeling of pleasure being snatched away from you.
“sorry, angel, but I need you to cum on my cock this time… need to feel you unwind all over me.”
you watch and rub your legs together as he slides his briefs down just enough to reveal his pretty cock, pink tip glistening with love—all because of you and all for you.
you whine when he starts to coat himself in your arousal, his thick length catching against your clit as he rubs against your folds with tenderness.
“jae…”
“feels good, yeah?”
“fuck… need you now, jae,” you whine.
“you ready?”
“yes. only and always for you.”
“that’s my baby.”
your hands grip your bed sheets as he slides inside of you. you’ll honestly never get used to just how big he is. even when he bottoms out, it takes time for the pain to eventually blossom into pleasure as he moves his hips rhymically into yours.
it’s not rough and needy but more soft and careful. he really takes his time to feel all of you and give it to you so good. your hands rub and down his slender back as he makes the most intimate and precious love to you. and you love how his gold chain brushes up against your face with every delicious stroke.
it has you so weak and your head feels so fuzzy—the feeling is indescribable.
“my pretty angel, my girl… taking me so well. fuck, you were made for me.”
you can only offer a loud moan in response and your walls clench harder onto him automatically.
“keep doing that and I’m gonna cum inside you, baby. you want that?”
“yes, baby. oh my god, yes please. I want it so fucking bad.”
“then take it.”
he slips two of his fingers into your mouth and you suck on them with all your might. his eyes watch you in amazement and passion.
your body trembles as he continuously hits that sweet spot.
and just like that, you feel the euphoria coming to you in waves. he knows it and laughs softly, removing his soaked fingers from you mouth.
“you’re almost there, angel?”
“y-yes,” you moan.
“I can feel it. I know you’ve missed this. isn’t that right?”
“missed you so much…” you mewl, feeling tears about to form in your eyes.
“missed you too, baby. fuck…” he says and gives your forehead a quick, reassuring peck.
you claw your nails into his back as he picks up the pace—to help you reach that pleasure point. you wrap your legs around him instinctively and succumb to the overwhelming feeling of his love.
“I’m coming, ahh. I’m…”
you scream as the pleasure burns all over your body. jaehyun doesn’t falter for a second, only going faster, even though his own orgasm follows immediately after—his warm load filling you up as you finish all over him.
“so…good…that’s it…” he chokes out.
“I love you!” you scream.
“love you… I love you,” he whimpers as he slows down.
you’re extremely sensitive at this point and you whine as jaehyun refuses to stop, still rutting his hips into you: pushing in every last drop.
“I’m not done yet. you’ve denied me perfection for so long.”
“jae…baby…”
“shhh…angel, just need you to take it. can you do that for me?”
“y-yeah.”
“good girl, that’s a good girl,” he coos.
all of a sudden, his body shifts as he pushes your legs back to your chest, guiding you guys into a mating press position.
“it h-hurtsss…” you whine.
you felt like your body was going to snap in half, truly.
“I know, baby. but it’ll feel better, you just have to trust me.”
“ok, baby.”
“you’re perfect,” he says. “you’re my baby, right?”
he then pistons his hips into you with force and you just moan quietly: “I-I’m your baby.”
“I know that’s right,” he says, letting out a breathy moan. “open up for me.”
you do as he says and your jaw falls slack open. a lengthy string of spit drops into your mouth and you just take it.
his cock feels excruciatingly perfect like this. he is so deep inside of you and you feel like his love is going to suffocate you in the most tender way.
“you’re doing great, angel. just give me all your stress. let it all out.”
his lips find purchase on yours and you melt into him again.
your mind now is only full of thoughts of him, but positive ones for once. you feel… fulfilled and alive again. like this, he is taking off so much weight off your shoulders.
and thus, you cannot help how healing this feels and the tears that drip down your face as a result. jaehyun kisses them as they fall and doesn’t let up his pace.
“you’re mine… my angel. you belong to no one else but me. right, pretty?”
“I’m yours,” you mewl.
“say it again.”
“yours, jae, yours,” you babble, now feeling overwhelmed by the pressure in your core about to snap.
“can you open for me like you did before, baby?” he asks. and you immediately drop your jaw to invite his spit in again.
“you’re MY girl. this is MY pussy. you are MINE. f-finally…” he groans, emphasizing those specific words with harder thrusts.
“I love you, jae. fuck, I love you so much. I can’t live without you. I want…” you whine. you can’t finish the sentence from just how good it all feels.
“say you’re mine again, p-please. I’m gonna-”
“I’M Y-YOURS,” you scream as the orgasm suddenly unfolds with searing heat all over your body.
your arms and legs latch around him to keep him in place, to stop him from moving. the clench of your walls does him in instantaneously. you feel so full of him as he unloads himself in you. his pace stops immediately as you suck him dry for all he’s worth.
the amount of I love you’s exchanged in these moments were too many to count, but you knew you didn’t want him out of you any time soon.
“can we stay like this, please?” you whisper, kissing his neck. “I feel safe and warm.”
“if that’s what you want, then I’m all for it,” jaehyun says reassuringly.
you hold each other, bodies so intimately connected together, as sleep eventually washes over the both of you.
the night ends with love, this time, steeped with passion and desire.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
JANUARY, WEEK 3, THE NEXT DAY
—MINI EPILOGUE—
it is three in the afternoon when you wake up. jaehyun is nowhere to be seen in the room.
immediately, you jump out of bed to look for him, heart already sinking to the floor. but those feelings of fear vanish when you see him standing pretty in your kitchen, wearing an apron you forgot you even owned, cooking up something that smelled utterly delectable.
you basically run over to him and hug him from behind, pressing the side of your face against his back.
“you scared me.”
“I did? I’m sorry about that.”
“I thought you left me.”
“I would never do that, not now, when I finally have you for myself.”
his words are reassuring and comforting. maybe that is what you needed in your life.
you find out later that he fixed your car that morning and cleaned up the glass pieces in the garage from the broken vase. and you realize that even though he cannot necessarily “fix” you or your problems entirely, he wants to help you get better. and you shouldn’t run away and deny the support because you would do the same for him.
there are small feelings in this world that will eat you up and spit you right out, but there are also small feelings that, over time, will help you become a better person. the key is to recognize each one and feel them all the way through: let them run their course. with jaehyun, you were able to deal with those emotions and feelings together.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘˗ˏˋ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ˎˊ˗∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
a/n: thank you for getting through this mess of a fic oh my god. sorry for the rushed and corny ass ending (and the lack of editing). but this has been sitting in my drafts since february and I just want to be rid of it.
I have just been going through so much lately and it's taking everything in me to not just end my shit likeee. on a sort of brighter note, though, I am officially done with community college, and I got into all the schools I applied to as transfer student. and the reason I say sort of is because my dream school is just too expensive even with max financial aid and I'll be 18kin debt by the time I graduate (UCLA pleeeekkk give me more moneyyyy.) so I have now 20 days to figure out what the FUCK I'm gonna do. so that was my inspiration to churn out the rest of this. like i said, VERY self indulgent like girl gtfo.
also who peeped that twilight-esque time skip LMFAOOOO
anyways let me stop being big and rude. please lmk if you liked this or if you have any requests (my inbox is always open!) love yall <3
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woso-dreamzzz · 3 months
Text
Scottish Sam
Hardersson x Child!Reader
Part of The Big Adventures Universe
Summary: Magda wants you to wear her jersey
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It's not very often that Magda gets to see you in her jerseys.
You wore Pernille's Wolfsburg and Denmark one easily. You'd had, on special occasions like the World Cup, worn Magda's Sweden jersey. You'd never willingly worn her Chelsea one.
You'd complained about everything when she used to force you into it. The size. The feel. But most of all, the colour.
Your aversion to Chelsea was something she had grown to live with but, now that you were at Bayern, Magda hoped you would wear her jerseys more often.
There was a strong sense of pride that she could never properly explain when she saw you in one of her shirts like she could imagine the woman you'd become in your own professional jerseys. There was something about it that just made her turn to mush which was why she was glad the Bayern jersey had red.
Red was your favourite colour. She blamed it for the reason that you were drawn to Arsenal in the first place but now she was sure that it was going to work in her favour.
Of course, that all came crashing down when she walked into the locker room to find you wearing a Bayern jersey that wasn't hers.
It wasn't Pernille's either - the only other person she could tolerate you wearing.
Instead, you were wearing Sam's.
You were standing in the woman's cubby too, arms crossed over your chest as you oversaw the other girls milling about waiting to go onto the pitch.
You look a bit scary like that but only a little because you're the same little girl who still slept with your stuffed toys and complained about eating fruit.
Sam's grinning as she looks around, showing anyone who would listen what you were wearing.
"Did you have to let her wear that?" Magda groans," I had a plan, Pernille!"
"It wouldn't have worked," Pernille laughs," She has opinions now. You can't trick her as easy as before."
"We'll see."
As Sam helps you get down, Magda pulls her jersey out of her bag and clears her throat.
You look over at her, wandering closer because Momma has your keeper gloves and Maria and Anna said that you can train with them and Cecilía today.
"What's that?" You ask.
"A Bayern jersey."
It's your size and you look at it suspiciously. You pull at the one you're already wearing. "Why?"
"Well, I thought you'd like to wear it."
"I'm wearing one now."
"But this one is special."
That catches your attention and you shuffle closer. "Why's it special?"
"Because," Morsa says with a flourish," It's mine."
Your interest waves and you move back to Momma. "Oh. That's boring."
Momma laughs and Morsa hisses at her," Pernille! It's not funny!" She turns back to you again. "It's not boring. We can match!"
You huff and stare at Momma. "Do I have to?"
She laughs and cups your cheeks. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to." She helps you slip on your keeper gloves and turns you around so she can fix your hair.
You're facing Morsa now, who is looking between you and the little you-sized shirt in her hand. You stare unblinking at her as Momma runs a brush through your hair and begins to braid it back.
Morsa sighs before tucking it back into her bag and waving a teasing finger in your face. "I'll get you in that soon, Princesse. Just you wait."
You stick your tongue out at here. "Nu-uh!"
Morsa sticks her tongue out too and Momma finishes your hair.
You go towards where the keepers are waiting before you freeze and turn back to Morsa, tugging on her shirt.
"Morsa," You say," You have to take a picture."
"How come?"
"I want to show Australian Sam my new shirt."
Magda bursts out laughing, her ego suddenly soothed by your desire.
You'd never once in your life worn Sam's jersey, Chelsea's Sam of course. You'd always refused, running away whenever she tried to ask you and screeching whenever she came near you with it.
It was always funny to watch and Sam had to try and convince you from a distance.
You never accepted though and Magda's ego suddenly feels fine again now she knows you want to show Sam that you're happily wearing Scottish Sam's jersey.
"Alright," Magda laughs, positioning you so you're looking over your shoulder with a smile as Sam's jersey in seen clearly. She snaps the picture.
"You have to send it to Australian Sam," You say," Okay?"
"Got it, Princesse. Go on off to training."
You grin and nod, running off towards the Bayern keepers, who lead you outside.
"You're not actually going to send it to her, are you?" Pernille asks and Magda's answering smile is all the explanation she needs. "Magda!"
"What?" Magda asks innocently," I'm just respecting Princesse's wishes. There's nothing wrong with that."
Pernille rolls her eyes but doesn't argue anymore and Magda takes this as her chance.
SAM 😈 wtf???? you can't let her do that Magda!!! where's the loyalty???? get that girl into my Chelsea jersey this instant!!!
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thegnomelord · 2 months
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Okay fuck after reading @killerkillerkillher 's fic with demon Soap and Price, and angel Ghost and Gaz, it got my own brain worms multiplying (as if I don't have enough going on lol) so here's the au draft that's been rotting for a while lol.
So here's an idea for an au:
Reader is part of a small group of friends that are Ghost hunters/DIY exorcists (read: They're all drop out college students and the ghost hunting youtube channel's putting food on the table). Reader doesn't believe in the supernatural but the friends keep reader around because you're the group's 'ghost deterrent' because spirits GTFO when reader's near and reader thinks the friends are just bullshitting you.
Anyway the group are moving to a bumfuck town in the middle of nowhere where an old haunted house the reader's grandmother left is. Then their pos car breaks down an hour away from town. 'Luckily' the town's mechanic, Johnny, was just driving by and helps you lot out. And ain't he a handsome devil (emphasis on devil) thinking he can con a couple of young and dumb humans out of their souls. Soap's all hooded eyes and husky voice as he lures you away like a lamb to a supply closet, oil darkened hands sliding under your shirt and lips sucking dark hickeys into your throat.
He pulls away when you tug on his mohawk, raising his head until his lips are just inches from your own and you don't even notice him mutter a verbal contract, nor do you understand you've agreed to one when his lips crash on yours like he's drowning.
And Johnny's grinning into the kiss like a loon as he tries to take the soul of the stupid but hot mortal he's just met only to find out he... he can't. No matter how consuming his kisses are or how aroused both of you get your soul sits stubbornly in your chest and doesn't even budge.
When your friend bangs on the door and yells for you to "stop shagging every guy you meet!" you're forced to give an awkward goodbye and scurry away. And Soap's left completely bewildered and confused as fuck wondering what just happened and thinks he needs to tell Price.
Meanwhile, while your car's being fixed up, your friends drag you to the town's only pub that's run by a Simon Riley. He's an intimidating man without trying to be, but he doesn't immediately chase you out like some bar owners. He's quiet, listening to your friends chatter while cleaning a glass rough scarred hands, but the way he looks at you is... odd. Like you're an interesting bauble he's found on his gran's shelf.
He's there to catch you when you trip on a raised floorboard you swear wasn't there before. "Thanks, I owe you one." You say with a small awkward laugh, though for some reason it feels like him catching you had been an excuse to touch you.
"That so?" His thumb traces the dark hickeys across your throat, surprisingly soft, and you can feel your cheeks getting hot. "You let Johnny have fun with you?" His chuckle is rich like aged wine, fingers gently pressing down on a hickey; it feels possessive. "You'd let any old thing like me take from you, yeah?" There's something in his words that has a shiver running down your spine, though from apprehension or arousal you're not sure.
"Ye- eh, yeah." You don't know which question you're agreeing with, and you understand the weight of your words, quickly walking away from him before your friends can embarrass you by wolf whistling at you and him. And you completely forget to ask on how he knows it was the mechanic who gave you the hickeys.
With still some time to burn before sun sets you decide to visit the radio station in town, mainly because your friend swears on his life that those are always haunted or have some decrepit old host that knows all the gossip in town. And when you meet the man you had heard softly yet confidently talking on the radio? He's handsome, pretty brown eyes as enticing as his voice, and you're starting to sense a theme with you meeting all these very nice looking men.
But Kyle, or Gaz as he asks you to call him, is a wealth of knowledge to the point you're not sure where the gossip stops and some crumb of truth begins. He talks all the way into the night with you and your gang of amateur ghost hunters, and you see why he is the radio host because his voice is like the song of angels, silk soft on your ears and you feel like you could fall into the best sleep of your life from listening to him.
And all he wants from you in return for his knowledge? "Nothing much mate, just a small favor, I'm sure you'll manage." Kyle leans in and pecks your lips like he's sealing a promise, or a bargain, but that's just you being stupid after getting kissed by the second hot guy today, surely. Gaz already knows he can't just nab your soul, he has ears in every wall in this town, but at least he can put his own claim on you.
Day, for the most part, well spent you and your friends go to the house for a good night's rest. It isn't any good as you're woken up numerous times and by morning you have several broken vases and an exploded lightbulb — everything you explain away as the house being old as fuck, but your friends claim it to be the work of spirits — your friends drag you to the church on the hill at the asscrack of dawn.
And that's how you meet Father Johnathan Price. (Insert devil in church joke here)
He listens to your friends explain the situation, calm and collected, but you swear his eyes stay on you the entire time. "That's quite a predicament." Price hums, offering to bless you and your friends in hopes of protecting you from evil spirits.
You're the last to go, nearly jumping out of your skin when he grips your chin. "Relax my boy." Those words frazzle your brain enough for him to easily pull on your jaw until your mouth opens, his thumb almost playing with your bottom lip. The look in his eyes is dark, the air between you far heavier than it should be between you and a bloody priest. But Price doesn't see anything wrong with this, pressing a thumb down on your tongue and then putting a wafer on your tongue. "There you go, you are now blessed in the name of a lord. Now consume it, my boy."
You obey automatically. You're not quite sure if a communion wafer is supposed to taste so... weird, it has a coppery and peppery taste to it. Almost like spicy blood or something but that's just you being stupid again, especially as you can feel heat burning between your legs.
Sufficiently embarrassed about getting hard at a priest you give an awkward goodbye and leave, trying to fix your pants before your friends see your... problem.
Johnny appears by Price's side in a small flicker of flames and brimstone when you leave, confident smirk on his face. "Ooh, couldn't resist claiming a piece of him fer yourself?" He smirks, nudging Price on his side.
"I suppose he is more interesting than the usual rabble." Price hums, already imagining of how handsome you'd look laying naked on the altar, and how to get you to that point.
Congrats! Now you've got 4 hot dudes trying to take your soul :D
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eufezco · 5 months
Text
❥ kissing them ⸺ coryo, peeta, sejanus, finnick
peacekeeper!coryo is not afraid of taking control. that scrawny boy who was your mentor no longer existed, his head was now shaved, his body had doubled in size and he held a peacekeeper position in your district. who would say huh? who would say that the last thing you'd do before leaving your district was gonna say goodbye to him.
"i'll go with you. meet me in the hanging tree. tomorrow morning." he said and pinched your chin with his fingers so you would look at him.
and so you did, you looked back at him with big eyes. coriolanus turned his head to check that no one was coming and then, with both of his hands holding your head still, he kissed you. his body pressed against yours and you had to take a few steps backward to avoid falling, crashing against the wall, and being trapped between it and corionlanus' body.
his lips were moving with such intensity as if he was trying to devour you, you could even feel your teeth clash. coriolanus squeezed your body even more with his and let out a few grunts straight from his chest when you kissed him back with the same intensity. but then he suddenly broke the kiss trying to catch his breath and looking down. "i'll see you tomorrow." and coriolanus left you there, with you breathing so heavily and having to squeeze your thighs.
mutt!peeta has forgotten what it's like to kiss someone. so one night when you were on watch and peeta couldn't sleep, you decided to go and sit next to him, ignoring the safe distance you were told to keep from him. he would ask you questions to which you would answer real or not to help clear up his confusion.
"we kissed. in the arena. before you shoot your arrow. real or not?"
"real."
peeta slowly nodded, feeling guilty and sorry for not remembering it. you remembered it all too well and you wanted him to do it too. once again ignoring all the security protocols they had prepared for peeta. you moved closer to him and caught his lips with yours. peeta didn't quite know what to do, but your lips felt good, the knot that had formed in his stomach told him. it felt so good that peeta was glad that that memory was no longer in his mind so he could live it for the first time again.
"i'm sorry," you mumbled when you parted ways but peeta shook his hands and went in for another kiss.
mentor!sejanus is desperate. his father had found him a good tribute to mentor but that person was from his own district. was that on purpose? his father always said that sejanus never truly left district 2. was he trying to punish him?
he left the academy room from which you were watching the reaping. he was sitting by your side and you could see the tight grip he had on his own uniform pants, nervous, before his tribute was announced. once the girl from the district you had been assigned was chosen, you walked out of the room after him.
he was mad, pacing back and forth around the hallway, talking to himself and waving his hands in indignation you got in his way and sejanus didn't seem to notice because he was so angry. you stopped him before he bumped into you, placing your hands on both of his cheeks and bringing your lips together. the boy's body seemed to release all the tension it had built up as he melted in your hands.
you broke away when everyone began to applaud for the end of the harvest. "any better?" you asked.
sejanus' cheeks grew hot, my god could you see them turning red? he let out all the air in his lungs and fixed his uniform. "yeah, i think so."
tribute!finnick is dying of nerves and all he can think about is your lips. his name had been picked again after five years. finnick didn't mind going back to the arena, he already won once and he had no doubt he would do it again, what hurt him was to be apart from you.
they let you see him before they took him to the capitol.
you threw yourself into his arms. finnick placed his hands on your cheeks and connected his lips with yours. you dug your fingers into his blonde locks of hair, pushing him as close to you as possible. his hands slid up and down your back, trying to hold you all in his arms. when he was starving in the arena he wanted to remember your lips. finnick's lips moved desperately against yours, knowing that this would be the last time he would have them for a long time. finnick wanted to remember their softness, how your saliva mixed, the way your teeth bit into his lower lip, the soft moans that escaped from your mouth due to the intensity of the kiss...
"and if i die in that arena, my last thought would be of your lips." you heard him say through your tv during his interview with caesar.
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babyleostuff · 11 months
Text
crash | JEON WONWOO
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summary | you get a call from the hospital after Wonwoo leaves the house after a fight, informing you that he's been in a car accident
genre | angst (+fluff in the end)
word count | 2.1k
pairing | jeon wonwoo x gn!reader
☾₊ ⊹ currently playing: stay alive by jungkook
All you heard were the front doors slamming. 
This fucking fight was so unnecessary and useless, but neither you nor Wonwoo could contain your emotions that had been building up these past few weeks. You were both exhausted and mentally drained from your work, but instead of talking it out like adults, you yelled at each other, crossing every line you could have possibly crossed. 
But it didn’t matter now. He had already stormed out of the house and there was nothing that you could do to fix the situation. You just had to wait for him to calm down, catch a breath and come back, ready to talk like adults. 
Occupying yourself with some chores around the house, you tried pushing the fight away further from your mind - you knew that there was no point dwelling on it anymore. Grabbing the laundry basket, you waddled into your bathroom with a heavy sigh. 
You knew what you did wrong and you were ready to apologise for it. Now, you only needed Wonwoo to come back safely home.
With some hours passing, you did the laundry, washed the dishes and even tidied your and Wonwoo’s bedroom, especially his desk with his whole gaming set, which had been cluttered for some weeks now. Both of you were too tired to do it before. 
Sitting at the edge of your shared bed, you pulled out your phone and stared at it for a second. Should you text him? Would you come out desperate if you contacted him first? 
Some hours had passed and by then and you were starting to grow worried. He had never been out for that long after a fight. Sure, he usually needed some time for himself, but he always gave you a heads up if he knew he’d stay somewhere overnight. 
Besides, those situations were very rare - you and Wonwoo were committed to making up as quickly as possible. 
The evening sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of pink and gold, as you stood by the window, your heart heavy with worry. Your boyfriend should be home by now, safe and sound, but there was still no sign of him. You clenched your fists, trying to suppress the rising panic that threatened to consume you.
Maybe the fight went worse than you thought? What if you were too harsh? What if your relationship is over? You knew it was stupid to assume anything, so you did the only thing you could imagine doing and not coming off as a pain in the ass to Wonwoo.
You dialled his best friend's number. 
“Hey, Mingyu. Is Wonwoo possibly with you?” you asked, anxiously nibbling at your lower lip. 
“No, he’s not,” he said. “Wasn’t he supposed to be with you, though? He even left practice a bit early today,” you could sense a hint of confusion in his voice. 
“We had a fight,” you sighed. There was no point in hiding anything from him. “And he left, but that was like a couple of hours ago and I have not heard from him since then. I just thought that he maybe went over to you or something,” you rambled. 
“Have you tried reaching out to him?” 
“No. I didn’t want to come out as desperate in case he was still angry.”
“I really think you should call him. It’s unusual, even for him, to go MIA for so long,” he said. 
“Okay, I’ll try. Thank you, Mingyu.” 
“No problem,” he replied. “And let me know if you get a hold of him.” 
“Sure. Bye.” 
You pulled up your text messages and typed in a short message: are you okay?
The familiar sounds of the city outside seemed to mock your unease. The distant honking of cars, the laughter of children, and the rhythmic footsteps of passersby all continued as if nothing was wrong. But for you, the world has come to a standstill. 
You kept checking your phone every few minutes, hoping for a missed call or a text message from Wonwoo, but the screen remained stubbornly blank.
Once again, you tried reassuring yourself, remembering that he was a responsible and cautious person. But the longer he was away, the harder it was to believe that everything was alright. Your imagination painted vivid scenes of accidents, injuries, or worse.
As if on cue, your screen lit up with a call. Never in your life had you picked up your phone that quickly. Unfortunately for you, it wasn’t your boyfriend's familiar contact photo that showed up on your screen - it was an unknown number. 
Your heart skipped a beat, and you hesitated for a moment before reaching for the phone, fearing the worst.
“Hello?” you answered the call with a shaky voice. 
“Hello. We’d like to inform you that this number has been saved as an emergency contact. Are you in any way related to Mr. Jeon Wonwoo?” an unfamiliar voice asked. 
“I-I’m his girlfriend,” you stuttered, the weight of your emotions pressing down on you. Your thoughts were a turbulent storm, and you felt a knot forming in your throat as you tried to hold back the tears. 
All of your nightmares were about to come true. 
"I'm calling from the Asan Medical Center. I'm a nurse here. I wanted to inform you that Mr. Jeon Wonwoo, was brought in earlier today due to a car crash," the nurse explained gently.
Your world seemed to shatter at that moment. 
With no energy left, as if sucked out of you, you collapsed to the ground, your knees hitting the floor. You struggled to process the words as your mind raced with fear and terror. You closed your eyes, trying to take deep breaths, to steady yourself, but it was no use. A single tear escaped the corner of your, tracing a path down your cheek like a silent plea for release.
"Is he…?” you were afraid of even thinking about that possibility. 
“He has been injured, but he’s stable. Our medical team is doing everything they can to assess his condition. We're still conducting tests and evaluations," the voice explained with empathy.
Another tear followed, then another, until they formed a steady stream down your face. Your shoulders trembled as the weight of your emotions finally overcame you. You buried your face in your hands, seeking shelter from the world, praying that this was just a bad dream.
"I'm coming right away. Is there any way you could let him know that I'm on my way?" you asked, your voice quivering.
“Yes, we’ll let him know. Take your time, and please drive safely,” the hospital staff replied. 
You quickly texted Mingyu, letting him know that Wonwoo had been in an accident and that you were heading over to see him. Grabbing your car keys, you rushed out the door, not caring about the fading light or the traffic ahead.
The drive to the hospital felt like an eternity, as your thoughts were filled with worry and prayers for Wonwoo’s safety. The nurse reassured you that he’d be fine, but you just couldn’t help but expect the worst. 
The possibility of losing him felt unbearable.
Finally, you arrived at the hospital and rushed to the emergency room. A nurse guided you to the waiting area, leaving you to wait for the doctor that was taking care of your boyfriend.
Time seemed to stretch on endlessly as you waited for any updates. Minutes felt like hours, as your heart pounded in your chest. At some point, Mingyu appeared taking a seat beside you. You didn’t speak much, he only asked you whether you knew anything new about Wonwoo’s condition. 
Finally, the doctor exited the room where your boyfriend was currently in. As if on cue, you and Mingyu rose from your seats, approaching the man. 
“He has no brain, nor back or spinal injuries which is the best information we could have hoped for. He has suffered a broken arm and some cuts and bruises, but luckily there are no life- threatening injuries.”
Your shoulders sagged with relief, and you let out a tearful sigh.
“He’ll need to stay here for a couple of days, just in case. We’ll run some extra tests, but there is no need to worry,” he said with a soft smile on his face. 
“Can I see him?” you asked. 
“Of course. He’s in that room,” he said and pointed to the door through which he had left a few moments ago “Just take it easy on him, he’s still a bit shaken up.”
You could hear Mingy’s question about Wonwoo’s rehabilitation, as you entered the room. Right now, it was the least of your worries, you only needed to see your boyfriend and make sure that he was really alive.
In the brightly lit hospital room, the scent of antiseptic hung in the air as the steady hum of medical equipment provided a backdrop to the scene.
Wonwoo laid on the hospital bed, his body wrapped in bandages. His face showed signs of pain and discomfort and he winced as he shifted slightly, feeling the soreness in his limbs from the impact of the car crash.
“Honey?” you asked in a quiet voice, standing by the door. 
Your eyes filled with tears, as his gaze met yours.
"I was so scared," you whispered loud enough for him to hear, tears now flowing down your cheeks. "I didn't know what I would do if... if I lost you." 
He looked just as relieved as you felt. Tubes and monitors surrounded him, but he looked peaceful despite the ordeal he had been through. His eyes were red and you knew he had been crying, but still, they were filled with so much love and life.
You rushed to his side, taking his hand in yours, feeling his warmth and the gentle squeeze in response. A weak smile appeared on his face as he saw you beside him. 
"Hey," he murmured, his voice soft and raspy.
Tears continued to fall from your eyes as you leaned over to kiss him gently. “I was so worried,” you managed to say, your voice choking with emotions. 
“Don’t you ever walk out on me again, Jeon Wonwoo. No matter how angry you are with me, don’t you ever leave me,” you cried, the tears freely falling down your cheeks. 
Wonwoo’s smile grew, as he reached up to wipe away your tears with his thumb. “I’m here,” he said softly. “I’m alive, and I’m going to be okay,” he reassured you. 
“If you ever pull a stunt like this ever again, I swear I’m going to fucking fight you and cut the WiFi, so you can kiss your games goodbye,” you said with a serious tone, not kidding a bit. 
You gently run your hand through his hair, pushing the bangs aside to look him properly in the eye. As you held each other's gaze for a moment, you both realised how close you were to losing each other. 
“I’m so sorry, honey,” he said, squeezing your hand. “For everything. Not only for the fight today, but also for being so absent recently. I should’ve paid more attention to you, try to spend more time with you.” 
“No it’s okay. It was my fault as well,” you stated. “I was just missing you so much that I forgot how demanding your job is and that you don’t always have time for me. And I’m totally okay with that, it was so stupid for me to demand more time from you,” you said, patting his head gently. 
As the medical staff entered the room to check on Wonwoo, you stepped back to give them space. The nurse was doing something with the IV, and the doctor was asking follow-up questions, making sure he didn't suffer from a concussion.
“We added some painkillers to the IV, so he’ll probably be asleep in a minute,” the nurse informed you. 
“Will you stay with me, honey?” Wonwoo asked you, a bit of worry in his voice. He stretched his arm as best as he could towards you, wincing a bit in the process.  
Your heart melted, as you quickly grabbed his hand in yours. 
“I’ll always be with you, Jeon Wonwoo,” you said, kissing the tip of his nose. As the minutes passed, the pain medication began to take effect, and your boyfriend’s eyelids grew heavy. He closed his eyes, trying to rest and heal. 
Outside the hospital window, the world continued its bustling pace, as if nothing happened.
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yandere-daze · 4 months
Text
I´ve had this idea plague my mind for the last few days and now it´s finally time for me to unleash it onto the world. Feel free to comment on or ask questions about this idea/ AU if you find it interesting!
This work was inspired by the normalized yandere genshin AU I stumbled upon while scrolling through Tumblr, created by @fancyfeathers
Hope you enjoy!
gn reader
2,2k words
tw yandere, normalized yandere behaviour, mentions of obsession, possessiveness, kidnapping, stalking, murder, emotional manipulation and isolation
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Yandere! Genshin Academy/Normalized Yandere AU
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In this AU, yanderes are a normal and accepted part of society. Not only are their toxic attitudes and behaviours permitted but even encouraged. Somehow, over the years, people have even started to wish for a yandere as their partners. By Teyvat society at large, yanderes are seen as somewhat of an ideal partner. They´re fiercely loyal and would do absolutely anything for their darlings, right?
And yet, many darlings sing a different tune when reality suddenly comes crashing down onto them when a yandere actually starts pursuing them. Fantasizing about things such as being kidnapped is simply something entirely different compared to experiencing the real thing. And yet, when they call out for help from their loved ones, they´re simply patted on their back and congratulated. Some might even express their condolences to the poor yandere, saying that it always takes a bit of time for a darling to realize that this is for the best.
You are one of the few people who are completely horrified by the concept of a yandere and even more so to see everyone around you treat kidnappings or murder sprees as something completely normal or even romantic. You shudder at the thought of ever attracting the attention of a yandere, knowing that you would have no one to help you avoid that dreadful fate.
Which is why your complete world is turned upside down when you´ve been registered at the wrong academy by mistake. An administrative error, you were told. One, that might take a few weeks or even months to correct.
Now normally, you would have been annoyed but fine with this. You would just have to bear with it for a bit and attend a different school until the error is fixed and you can finally go to your desired one.
But you felt a pool of dread form deep within you when you did some research on the academy you had been wrongly assigned to. It actually wasn´t all that easy to find information on the academy, which you found strange, seeing as this has never been an issue with any other well-regarded academy. But no matter how much you search, nothing concrete is to be found. Only a few abandoned forum posts where people asked around about their missing friend who had last been seen close to the academy in question.
It made you feel a bit uneasy but you figured that it probably didn´t have anything to do with the academy itself. As sad as it was, disappearances were happening all over Teyvat, so this one case wasn´t really of note.
But seeing as you couldn´t find anything else, you figured that you would just need to figure things out on your first day attending the academy.
And oh, were you in for a nasty surprise.
As soon as you sat down for your first lesson, you noticed how strange the atmosphere was. Everyone had been staring at you so strangely when you entered the room, it kind of unnerved you.
After that, a few introductions were exchanged and you slowly calmed down again. Your classmates seemed nice enough and you thought that maybe, your time here wouldn´t be so bad after all.
All that quickly changed when your professor finally entered the room and introduced himself as the instructor who would teach you the subject of "stalking".
Turning your head left and right, you tried to see if anyone else was as shocked about this as you were but to your surprise, no one even raised an eyebrow at this very concerning introduction.
A class on stalking? Maybe this wasn´t what you actually feared and more so a clumsy way of saying that this would be a psychology class focusing on the mental effects stalking has on the victims? With all these yanderes running around unchecked, there were bound to be many victims and so a class like this might actually be beneficiary. I mean surely they wouldn´t actually try to teach young adults how to kidnap someone, right?
Right?
Well, it turns out you were wrong when the professor started outlining different forms of stalking. Following "your darling" around, stalking them online, placing cameras or microphones in their rooms to observe them anytime you wanted.
Your mind was spiraling as you listened to the lecture and you briefly wondered at just what kind of an academy you had been enlisted in. Surely this must be some kind of joke, right? A prank played on newcomers at the academy to get them spooked? Surely someone is going to come in any moment, clear all of this up and then laugh at you actually falling for this?
But no matter how much you hoped for this to be the case, no one was coming. No one was making fun of you for falling for such an obvious prank. In fact, none of your classmates seemed perturbed at all by what was being taught here. How could they be okay with a lesson that basically amounted to "how to stalk someone 101"? You felt like you were losing your mind.
Glancing to your right, you see your blond deskmate eagerly nodding along to whatever the professor was saying and swiftly taking notes whenever a sentence seemed to particularly strike a chord with him. His red eyes practically sparkled as he outlined "helpful tips and tricks for not alerting your darling of your presence" on his paper, using a text marker to highlight a particular passage as if to say that it would come in handy in the future.
On your left, you saw another tall male student and for a moment you hoped that maybe, just maybe, there was someone else here who was bothered by the lecture given. He had a bored look on his face and he was wearing some type of headphones over his grey hair. Was he even paying attention? Maybe he was trying to cancel out the horrific lecture taking place at the moment.
You discreetly leaned over a bit, only to see that he was actually holding a book hidden under the desk, his eyes carefully following the paragraphs of tiny letters. Well, it seems like he certainly wasn´t paying much attention to the lecture because what he was secretly reading seemed to be some advanced material on the success rate of different methods of stalking, from the looks of it.
You quickly turned your head back when you saw him glancing over at you with an unreadable stare. Well, it looks like your hopes were dashed again after all. This guy was nuts too.
Knowing this, you really couldn´t do much aside from waiting for class to be over.
Your small hope that this was just a really strange outlier was quickly destroyed again in your following classes.
Next was a class on emotional manipulation and how to get your darling to depend on you.
Then, a class on how to force yourself into your darling´s life and how to approach growing closer to them.
Finally, the day ended with a lecture on how to kidnap your darling and make them disappear without a trace.
As the bell finally rung, the professor informed your class that there was also an optional class about how to effectively "get rid" of a rival that you can sign up for. You pretended to not be bothered when several students raised their hands to show their interest in attending this course.
You scrambled to get out of your seat as fast as possible, not wanting to stay in this hellish classroom for even a second later. You fled into the hallway and walk by groups of students excitedly chattering about things you didn´t want to listen to.
"Oh, I hope I can find my darling soon! I just know I´ll feel a special connection when we first make eye contact! I´ve been waiting for so long", the first girl swooned as she twirled strands of her long brown hair around her finger, seemingly lost in her own fantasies.
"Agreed. I know that once I meet my darling, I won´t let anything get between us. I will never let them go. It´s only a matter of time", the taller, blue-haired woman chimed in, her voice calmer than that of her excitable friend.
You didn´t like the way her eyes linger on you as you pass by them.
Once home, you tried to make contact with the administrative office again to ask them if the process of your transfer can be sped up in any way. You didn´t want to spend another second in that academy.
With what you have seen today, you were easily able to deduce the true nature of this academy and it left you absolutely terrified.
The fact that you weren´t able to find any information about the academy beforehand, your strange classmates fixated on their potential "darlings" and of course the horrid classes being taught there.
Somehow, you have ended up in an academy for yanderes. Every single person you saw there today was a lovesick lunatic in some shape or form. And the more you thought about it, the more you realized you were in huge danger there. What would your crazed classmates do if they ever found out that you actually weren´t a fellow yandere but someone they could claim as a "darling"? The very thought of it makes you sick. You have to get out of there immediately!
Which is why your heart dropped when after some long hesitation, the person on the phone finally answered you.
"You must excuse me but I´m afraid to tell you that there have been some... unforeseen circumstances that do not permit me to work on your case at the moment. I have been asked to postpone this matter until further notice".
"What? Why?", is all you could manage to say in your befuddlement. You knew bureaucracy can take a long time but for this woman to specifically be asked to postpone this? Just what was going on here?
Again, the woman on the phone hesitated to answer and you could hear a tinge of nervousness in her voice when she finally spoke up. As if she wasn´t sure if she was allowed to say what she was about to.
"I´m afraid that I´m not at liberty to provide this information. The person asking me to...focus on different cases for the meantime wished to stay anonymous. Even so, it is not within my power to refuse their wishes as they have provided our establishment with a generous donation. I sadly cannot help you with this issue", at least the woman did sound generally apologetic but that didn´t really help you in this situation.
Your mind was still reeling as you processed this information. Someone specifically asked for your transferal to not be worked on? Why would anyone do this? And they seemed to have a large fortune too? Why all this to make you stay around?
It can´t be that you already attracted someone´s attention while at the academy, right? Surely that couldn´t be true! You made sure to not interact with anyone directly after you realized just what kind of people attended this school. How could one of these yanderes have "fallen for you" already?
It seemed so utterly unbelievable and if you were being honest, you didn´t want to believe that it was true either. But nothing else made sense. Why would anyone do this otherwise?
Noticing your prolonged silence, the woman spoke up once more.
"I´m sure that all of this will be resolved soon. It will only be a few months. I am sure you will find many friends at your current school soon."
You sure hoped not. The thought of being noticed by any of the yanderes already made the hairs on your neck rise. You vowed to stay away from anyone who even showed a fleeting interest in you. You had to keep yourself safe until you can finally switch schools. You could do this, you had to!
You barely registered when the woman bid you farewell and hung up the phone after you once again didn´t answer her.
Now completely alone, you forged a plan. If you didn´t want to get involved in anything dangerous, no one could find out that you were actually here by mistake and not a yandere. Nothing could be worse than these lunatics finding out that you´re a darling, so you´ll have to be very careful. But how do you do this?
Well, it seemed like you must act like a yandere yourself. You would have to pretend that you´re a lovesick fool who totally isn´t bothered by all this talk about kidnapping, stalking, and murder. Thinking about it again already made you sick but you didn´t really have any other options. No one could find out or it was over for you.
You only hoped that you could convincingly play the part and that no one was perceptive enough to see right through you. Well, it couldn´t be that hard, right?
Surely no one already had their eye on you. Right?
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actual-changeling · 8 months
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I wrote a little something inspired by the latest chapter from the wonderful oopsie!omens AU @asleepyy is writing. Definitely check out their comic here and leave some love!
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They run into each other by chance, which carries a certain irony considering Jophiel has actively been looking for him. It is a small settlement, large enough to have a sprawling market filled with voices and movement, but not the kind of place he'd expect Azazel to be. Still, if the universe wills it so, he is certainly not going to question it.
Regardless of the circumstances, the demon seems to continuously hold back an ocean of anxiety, wave after wave crashing on the rocky shores and spilling over, and today is no different. He is pressed against a stone wall at the edge of the square, the shade providing both some escape from the flickering heat and cover, keeping him hidden and inconspicuous.
Jophiel strolls through the crowd, weaving around the humans with practiced ease and picking up a ripe pomegranate from one of the stands; he pays and leaves a generous tip. Well, and he blesses the woman's sick daughter simply because he can.
By the time he has reached Azazel's spot, he has long seen him coming, wringing his hands and biting his lip bloody, which he silently takes in with a frown.
"Jophiel," he greets, his eyes wide and black as always, although at least his robe seems less tattered and more put-together than the last time they had seen each other.
"Azazel. Fruit?"
Freezing on the spot, his gaze rapidly switches between the stretched-out hand and Jophiel's face, who smiles with all the holy patience he can muster, the Metatron's words cutting thorns in the back of his throat.
"I- I've never actually..." Azazel gulps, nervous, yes, but there's an undercurrent of excitement to it, too.
Jophiel leans back against the wall, crossing his feet at the ankle and breaking the pomegranate open in an infinitesimal display of celestial power. Thin splashes of red juice wet his hands and run down his wrists, and he feels Azazel's attention heavy but not unwelcome on his skin when he lifts his arm to lick it off. A mild breeze ruffles their hair, red and white locks alike, and their fingers brush when Azazel reaches out to take his half.
"Thank you."
Pure gratitude laces his words, and they both know it is for more than the fruit. The Metatron, he decides as he watches Azazel carefully plug seed after seed out of its white shell, might be God's voice in heaven, but not here on earth. Otherwise, he would see his fragile smile and nervous ticks, hear the accidental admissions of faith and kindness, and know that there had been a mistake.
They eat in amicable silence, the noises of life and warmth flowing together into one, and while Azazel watches the crowds, Jophiel watches him.
I promise you I will fix this, he swears, and then, because the sparks of anger and dismay have yet to die and turn to ash, he speaks a prayer—a warning.
Azazel has more faith than your 'voice' does, God, and either you will take him back willingly or I will find a way to make you.
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