#what would you guys say if i told you i made this gifset in a fit of inspiration after mossytrashcan complimented my last set

[ladyverdance]

In thousands of agonies — I exist. I’m tormented on the rack — but I exist! Though I sit alone in a pillar — I exist!

The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoevsky

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #sabedit #shadowandboneedit #genyalina #genya safin #alina starkov #genyalinaedit #alinastarkovedit #genyasafinedit #userbecca #userburn #tusermyra #.myworks #.mygifs #userdaph #userlolo #userbells #userelenagilbert #what would you guys say if i told you i made this gifset in a fit of inspiration after mossytrashcan complimented my last set #alksdjlfs dont tell

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

re: last reblog i do think people complaining about “predictable” twists/reveals that were well foreshadowed (or straight up clearly communicated but not verbally stated) is silly and annoying but idk if i think it’s like all causally attributable to “bad faith criticism.” a few thoughts, no grand thesis:

(1) i really do believe that sometimes people sense that something didn’t work but can’t really identify or articulate things problems with structure or form or execution, and then just sort of glom on to something that feels like it has explanatory power. an example here in the house of fuck jj abrams is how many people complained (often even as they said they mostly liked it) that the problem with the force awakens was that it was too much a retread of a new hope. the problem with the force awakens as i have articulated many times is that it’s a piece of shit idiot movie made by a guy who literally fundamentally fails to understand how narrative or movies work more than i genuinely think anyone else in hollywood. it does ape a new hope shamelessly, but it also does it stupidly and blindly, with a misapprehension that the important things about that movie are things like “desert planet” and “seedy bar” and not, like, connecting the dots on a functional story populated by characters with recognizable and easily legible motivations and relationships. it felt stale and boring because it’s not a story, it’s an expensively assembled gifset with a soundtrack. you could change every one of the things people complain about being too similar to a new hope and i feel fairly confident most people would not like it any better because the issue is not that it’s familiar, it’s that it sucks. (further evidence for this hypothesis is to be found IMO in the fact that even last jedi’s many haters never seem to accuse it to be too similar to empire strikes back, even though it is in fact deliberately extremely structurally similar to empire - i think you can argue it has more in common with empire than force awakens has with a new hope! starting ofc with how they are both good.)

anyway. so i think probably sometimes a movie/book/show/etc is actually just kinda mid or bad and people feel that but haven’t thought too much about why but, sure, “predictable” works. but i bet there are people who complain movies are predictable but also have liked movies they did in fact successfully predict the twists/reveals of, and they’ve never really thought about why it is that sometimes something being predictable is fine and sometimes it’s annoying. as a personal example i know that one of my complaints about avatar back when i saw it in theaters was that it was predictable. in retrospect i would not say that being predictable is root problem that avatar has, and there are absolutely movies as predictable as avatar i have enjoyed. but predictability stood out then because i’m not trying to be a hipster that was really one of the most excruciating experiences i’ve ever had in theaters and the fact that i could tell what was coming did exacerbate how dull and annoying the movie already was.

what i’m saying in this point is that i don’t think everyone who complains about predictability is someone actually in practice liking things less for being predictable.

(2) someone a while ago told me they mostly don’t like movies because they’re too good at figuring out what’s going to happen, which is about as alien a way of engaging with art as i can imagine, but just take me on my word that i do not think this is a person whose issue is they have read too much bad faith criticism. i think they just don’t get the same kind of emotional and aesthetic experiences i get out of movies and i can’t judge them for that because i am a person incapable of being moved by things like painting or sculpture, incapable of responding emotionally or aesthetically to cartoons by adults, and allergic to almost all poetry. like for some people i think “what surprising thing is gonna happen?” just authentically is the site of their pleasure from movies and i think that’s fine because it literally doesn’t matter. one time a guy told me he liked video games better than novels because with video games you get the story and the craft of the gameplay mechanics and like i cannot imagine that but i also can’t imagine playing a video game for fun period so like whatever. it takes all kinds.

(3) sometimes you have the issue where the movie/show foreshadows heavily (or leaves you without alternate options) and then tries dramatically to play the reveal/twist like a big shock. in this case i think the complaint is more or less fair game although this is also kind of a subset of (1) where the issue is a structural misalignment around the goals here (ie pick a lane).

(4) tbh some shows or franchises have trained their viewers to respond this way and i think in this case the complaint is also fair bc they deserve what they get. play stupid games win stupid prizes.

[follows-the-bees]

I'm celluloidbroomcloset's anon about SPN fandom. You're very lucky! In my corner of the fandom the fans don't even know Buckleming are two people, think Bobo (BOBO!) is pro-wincest, and are convinced "the writers" have been gaslighting us all along. To these fans there's no such thing as corporate interference, "the writers" hate us and call us crazy, queer coding is just another word for queerbait, and Destiel only exists because of Misha and the fandom. They're on every script release post and deleted scene gifset screaming how dare "the writers" cut this and how dare they call us crazy for seeing Destiel.* "The secret good SPN that lives in my head" is their favorite phrase and calling everything good "the writers" did just a happy accident is their favorite hobby. That bit I said about people saying the writers suck on the scripts they wrote is not hyperbole. I have seen it said, right after going on about how shippy the cut scenes are, far more often than should ever happen.

Maybe it's not fair to paint all of us transplanted SPN fans with the same brush, but I do know some of those same people I fought with over things like the Cas and Crowley "maybe he's your boyfriend" scene or the script-cut scene of Dean spreading Cas's ashes at the windmill are here as well. I am also a fandom old, been here since the beginning, and have been fighting against the nonexistent monolith of "the writers" since about season eight. "The Writers Suck" has been an SPN fandom mantra for a very long time and it does spread to other fandoms SPN fans who shout it have moved into.

You are, again, very lucky and I am glad you've gotten to see some of the best of the SPN fandom. I am not so lucky and have seen all of the worst and it is getting a foothold in OFMD. I don't want it to spread more than it already has.

*"The writers" calling us crazy is entirely made up, twisted from an incident when an executive for WB was bullied off twitter by Destiel fans because he didn't know Destiel was a thing. It led to a hard pushback on Destiel from corporate, which led to the infamous "three straight guys" press releases for season nine, and is the origin of Misha's "you're not crazy" tweet. It had nothing at all to do with "the writers" save for forcing them into even more heavy queer coding and dodging censorship.

Hello!

I will start by saying that I too have seen instances of people blaming the writers, but they have not been the most prominent. So, I know it is a thing. But for the most part, I have seen mainly CW and WB said as the queer censors.

I think our experiences are very different for two reasons: while I watched SPN pretty much from the beginning, I did not join the fandom until after the finale. And I joined SPN twt, which you have to heavily start muting or blocking people. I highly curated my tl, so most people who told me Cas' love confession was platonic or would tell me that I was wrong for saying the finale was bad were not present. Of course, I still get those people coming onto my posts, but not as much.

I joined Tumblr just over a year ago, and I have just started moving over my filmmaking metas.

And living in the trenches of it like you have as everything has been developing, and coming in after, being able to look at SPN as a whole can lead to very different outcomes and experiences.

I did not have to experience live the disagreements, but I have caught up on many of them as well as all the new stuff that has happened after the finale.

I am very confused about what side of the fandom you are on - at first I thought it sounded like the brothers first side, but then you talked about the "good spn that lives in my head" and I have seen that a lot with the Destiel side (to be fair, I have heavily blocked bronlys since I am a TFW fan). I'm not quite sure how someone can think Bobo is pro-wincest. He wrote the second divorce arc and Cas' love confession, tying phrases from as early as Cas' introduction into the speech. And for Dean's side, just like when Mary died the second time, he cries and goes mute (which is what he does when he is overwhelmed emotionally). Sam called him and he didn't pick up, crying on the floor. That shows how much he cares about Cas, he's in so much grief he cannot pick up the phone for Sam.

Ok, moving on. I guess my "side" of the fandom is analytical. I personally study the writers and the filmmaking (cinematography and camerawork) and how those aid in the character and plot development. I am also personally in the middle where I love all of TFW (honestly every character on the show) but also ship Destiel. I can tell you exactly which writers I like (Edlund, Thompson, Carver, Perez, and such) and which I don't (Buckleming - they will always have a weird sexual thing or take Dean back down to S1 basics in their episodes.)

One of my biggest pet peeves in fandom are people blaming writers for decisions that were made later on down the line. And I have pushed back on that numerous times. It makes me sad to know that this is still prevalent and that it is being spread to other fandoms. I can only hope that changes in the future.

I have seen a huge divide in the people I know who are both SPN and OFMD fans. And most of that revolves around Izzy's character. But that's another topic for another day.

I'm trying to remember if I have seen any "blaming" of the writers in the OFMD fandom. I have unfortunately seen some: mainly criticism of DJ and how the ending of S2 went down. I think most of that deals with how you felt about Izzy's death (I've seen several people say it is exactly like Dean's - I personally do not agree with that, yes it has echoes, but Izzy and Dean are entirely different characters and represent entirely different arcs and ethos in the show).

Also used to weaponize the OFMD ending is the "the ending will be satisfying." I could write a whole essay about this, but just like with SPN, a very divided fandom, I've come to see OFMD is also very divided, so no, the finale was not going to be satisfying to everyone. Especially because it is the end of an Act II of III, the famously darkest moment/plotpoint of a story. BUT there was no cliffhanger, there are threads to follow with everyone's story. There is hope and love and joy. And that is "satisfying."

I feel like this is a long response and I apologize if it turned into rambling. I guess that's what happens when you're a writer. Lol.

I completely agree with you. I am worried about blaming the writers gaining a foothold in another fandom. Especially on a show that at every turn has shown how much care they have put into the show. That allows a collaborative environment for the cast and crew. That makes sure not to punch down. And has not made fun of fans and their beliefs and readings of the show (yes, that is a dig at SPN and how they treated fans) but instead embraces them. Samba went to set on days he didn't have to just to take videos for us!! I hope the fandom can embrace the love and hope the show radiates instead of giving into poison.

#thanks for this ask! #answered

[earlgreytea68]

Hi again from the anon who misheard the piano intro!

Thank you for all the videos! I watched the one of Patrick's piano intro and of course your transcript was right--in my defense, I think my brain filled in the stuff I couldn't hear the way it did because I kept seeing that Pete/Patrick syrup dream gifset for the fic challenge, and also because your fic for that had a couple "That's what she said" jokes--haha!

I listened to Pete's lava boots speech again and your explanation makes perfect sense. It was just hard to follow in the moment with everything going on. You always talk about how much Pete believed in this band from the very beginning and I think this ties right in with that. Also, it's so lovely how all of them are so full of gratitude and encouragement when they give interviews or these kinds of little speeches.

In YOUR defense, if Patrick had said that Pete made a "my piano is bigger" joke, it would have been so incredible.

And yeah, Pete just rambles a little bit. Which is so endearing because I also know he plans these speeches, he says the same ones over and over through a cycle, so he sat and planned out that little lava boots speech and I just love him so much for that. And you know he told Patrick about it and Patrick was like, "Yup, sounds great, do it," because Patrick has his Pete-translation on all the time. And Joe and Andy tried to be like, "Um..." but it was too late and now we are going to hear about lava boots for the rest of this tour but it's okay because Pete is so earnest and sincere about them.

You can just tell they were so very touched and grateful that whole concert, that people came and sang with them and poured out love for them. I especially loved how many times Pete thanked us for supporting the new album, they really weren't sure we'd have their back there, poor guys.

#fall out boy #fob #bandom #peterick

[happysmilebtr]

COLOURING BEFORE & AFTER TAG:

tagged by the lovely, kick butt and awesome sauce content maker @digitalgirls​ (thank you very much for the tag!) and another lovely mutual but for the life of me my peanut brain forgot who it was so thank you also to you too if you see this!

tagging (only if you want too!): @jinniebit​ @snug-gyu @soonhoonsol @woozification @seokmins @injunnies @chogiwapadada @jeonwonwoo

welp here you go guys! my poopy gif coloring lol. i haven’t giffed much as i just started 2ish years ago now(?) and i am now working a full time job so alas, i don’t have much to really show improvement but i do feel proud with some of my colorings and here are my top 5 (plus bonus two in the read more section hehe) i guess my coloring is more so with making things brighter if that makes sense? keeping things natural but bumping up the vibrance as you can see in certain gifs like the lights one for example. i do feel content with my giffing, granted the quality could be better but that is due to me using ezgif as a converter for making gifs on photopea (i know i can use vs but vs SCARES me like everyone that uses it? you guys are officially badass like gandalf in my books! i bow down to you all lol)

if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts of my coloring for each gif plus see the bonus ones that are too tiny to show in a normal gifset, readbelow but if not thank you for checking this out!

gif one: starting off with my proudest one of the bunch, this gif is from my baekhyun countdown series which you can view right here oh my when i say i am proud of this, i am SO proud of this. first of, this short video is pale, REALLY pale. more pale than casper the ghost lkdsalkjda so i struggled with making sure to not overdo the coloring where baekhyun is weirdly colored but making sure it’s no longer so bright ya know? with what i work with, i think i did a good job? it was during this series i started using a gradient map as well for my coloring and ya’ll....use gradient maps lol. i would have used them earlier but i had no clue how to well, use them as silly as that sounds! i found a tutorial on how someone used them and since then i use that. usually use brown to grey to make things neutral but also make sure skinetone is as natural as possible but of course that isn’t always the case, this is something i struggle with as you can probably tell so i am trying my best! overall, a very pretty gif coloring i think! simple but pretty!

gif two: ah yes....my og fav hehe. this was during the 17 days of 17 event that happened last year almost now and this was for of course, scoups day and i am proud of it still! granted, i would do things a tiny bit more differently even though this is just what, a 6ish months difference in giffing from the first gif? regardless, this one is my favorite and all because of one silly thing...the color changed background. as you can tell in the circle, the original was purple with the lightning background and i actually did save my coloring originally with this background still! however, i was playing around with coloring and by accident, just out of curiosity, i changed the color of the background and when i say i was super shocked...i was lol. in a good way of course! don’t ask me why but at the time, i just loved this small change. i thought it was so cool and it made me so excited so i kept it. could i have kept the purple? for sure, it bothered me to this day if i made the right call because a mutual of mine said the purple looked better against scoups skintone which i agree so it eats me to this day lol. (no ill feelings to my mutual! i liked having the feedback because sometimes that initial excitment sometimes isn’t the right call and i like being told the truth!)

gif three: another of my baekhyun gif series which again.....WHY DOES SM OR WHOEVER EDITS THESE VIDEOS, MAKE THINGS SO PALE!?!??! like bro....this one baekhyun IS truly casper the ghost dsaldasl. i managed to save him in this gif set but when i kept doing double takes myself when giffing, i always went “wait, is THIS how it originally looks!?” like i was so surprised with the coloring difference

gif four: featuring my queen, lights. the only non kpop gif lol. she is the reason i got into gif making actually! my first ever gifset is for her mv “prodigal daughter” (which yes you should all take a listen too just saying) so you can thank her for my gif making! this was from her i think 3rd mv, “in my head” which you can check out the gifset here! this is a perfect example of my coloring i think, the making things vibrant but keeping it somewhat natural and for me giffing this without gradient map i feel dang proud lol. it was either this gif or another one of lights but i went with this one instead to showcase i guess my usual coloring ya know?

gif five: and lastly a baekhyun gif once again. this one is originally meant to be with a pink coloring overlay and font as seen in the original gifset but i kept the original coloring because i liked how it turned out overall! i decided to switch things up with my editing by using unsharp mask and instead of using 30% i did 135% and kinda liked the result of it! i do admit, if you are someone like me and are stuck using ezgif, make SURE the file is super hq! while this does look nice, imo it looks better with good video quality when making the gifs as i did this setting for the last 4 gifsets of the baekhyun countdown and for ones like this one, it looks nice but some weren’t very high and you can tell it looks a bit meh. this is i think my current giffing editing and i feel proud of it! this one is very natural in coloring but everything is more “pop” if that makes sense, things are more defined than smooth, the neutral colors look lively, etc. 

BONUS:

you guys thought i would leave out these ones? oh no lol. so these two gfs are from my txt “good boy gone bad” mv and seventeen “hot” mv gifsets i made! i remember seeing this gifset style being HUGE back in late 2017ish up until 2019 if memory is correct by an old school content maker. i saw they had a tutorial on how they did their sets back then so i followed it and made my own for these mv’s and man i loved doing them. not only was the setting up the scenes to use was fun but finding the right font that fit the mv vibe was fun and of course, the coloring. for txt’s, there was alot of greens as you can see here and while i like me green, i wasn’t happy with just how dark and swampy it looked lol. i get it was the aesthetic in general but i wantted it to pop alot and thus the blue/purple tones in the overall gifset which i think looks really beautiful! then for hot, i didn’t plan on the pink coloring lol. i originally wanted to do the usuals, brighten and and make the colors pop out but by moving around to color the orange colors, it turned more pink so i went with it (you can see the difference towards the end of gif of how different the pink and orange are!) still my proudest coloring on both and still am proud for the “hot” as that was originally my top set with notes until somehow baekhyun and his doggo took over xD

#fun tag thingy #digitalgirls #jeonwonwoo #seokmins #injunnies #chogiwapadada #snug-gyu #soonhoonsol #woozification #jinniebit #if anyone of ya'll read that entire essay under the readmore...i am kissing your forehead

[taiturner]

Immediately starting it off with a difficult one, top five Luther moments :)

I knew I’d immediately be hit with this and it was going to hurt me so (deep breaths) okay, luckily I just recently went on a marathon of giffing all my favorite moments in seasons 1-2, so links included :) — I WILL be thinking about this for the next week cursing myself for forgetting some of my favorite moments, but I’m going with my gut and what stuck out to me immediately when I read this.  (Also this would be a lot different if I was solely talking about his funny/lighthearted moments because there are so many but I’m going for the emotional ones here / the ones that really made me connect with him as a character).

Putting this under a read more because I cannot shut up about my little (big) guy.  I also simply cannot order these top 5 either, so <3

 2x06: “Look at what you did to me.” Oof. I know people probably think he was ridiculous for this, but I can’t think of a moment (besides some of the confrontations he has with Reginald in late season 3) that makes me more proud of Luther. Because we see him work through this in season 1 - he brushes off the body alteration with “Dad saved my life,” like he can’t think of it any other way, but we gradually start to see him change his mind about that and realize that it’s actually okay for him to resent his father for what he did to him, because he did not ask for it. He is not in debt for that. And like Allison says afterwards - it’s the first time she’s ever heard him stand up to Dad, and he smiles so big because even though it didn’t do much to Reginald other than make him look back at Luther with disdain, it’s such a weight off Luther’s shoulders and I think that’s a feeling he always remembers. He takes the confidence in that moment and he holds onto it and he does not let Reginald look down on him again. Also, the quote from Tom Hopper in the gifset I linked is so special to me.

2x05: His whole talk with Diego after their first family reunion. There are so many good quotes in this but my favorites are, “Dad told you you’re a hero, he told all of us, but what if he lied? What if we’re just a bunch of freaks who have no business changing the world for everyone else?”  + my personal favorite Luther quote, when Diego asks him “Since when are you a quitter?” and Luther responds, “Since the last time I destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance.” There are people who still despise Luther for what he did to Viktor in season 1, as if he’s never self reflected on it - but this line is SO telling. He didn’t blame Viktor for destroying the world, he blamed himself. He blamed what he did to Viktor, no one else. And we know that it’s not on him - but I think it’s really important that he’s not only taking accountability for his part in it, but he also has tried to change his approach to everything. He’s not trying to be the leader anymore just because he’s supposed to be, he’s not trying to force the answers or solutions just because he feels like he has to. He’s taken a step back and realized that when he’s not the leader, they’re all better off. I also just think that any moment of self reflection between him and Diego is really special, because Reginald pit them against each other for a reason - but they found a way through to each other and they’re so much better off working together.

2x02: Luther’s apology to Viktor. I love his apology to Viktor because he has absolutely no idea what he’s getting into - Viktor almost killed him and the rest of his siblings the last time he saw them, he had no idea what was going on for Viktor now and if he still had that anger, but he also knew that anger would be valid. And -  the last time he saw him, he was holding him in his arms and then suddenly, poof, they were dispersed through time. He’s going through so many emotions when he sees Viktor again - confusion, sadness, relief, but mostly guilt.  Like I said in my answer about Diego - it does not matter that Viktor ended the world, he knows he played a part in it and he’s owning up to that. “I thought it was my job to keep everyone safe, and I just made it all worse - I never wanted to be the bad guy” - he did what he did because he thought he was protecting his family, but he wasn’t protecting everyone, and he can’t forgive himself for that - which makes his interactions with Viktor in season 2 + season 3 so special, because he is actively trying to hear him, support him, advocate for him. He let him down and he never forgot that. But I think what really gets me about this interaction is the way he tells Viktor that if he’s bullshitting him about not knowing who he is, he doesn’t care, because if he’s hiding out then he understands. It’s just really validating to Viktor imo that Luther understands that the family did not treat him right, and if he wants to pretend they don’t exist, that’s fair. He is extending a careful hand - Viktor is in control, Luther is not going to force him to be in the family if that’s not what Viktor wants, even if it’s what Luther wants because he wants to make it up to him. This whole conversation is just so good and I was on the edge of my seat watching it for the first time. Again, it says so much about Luther’s development, given so much of season 1 was him deciding things because he thought he had to and ultimately making the wrong choices/hurting someone in the process. Admitting he was the bad guy was a huge turn for him. Also, bringing 2x03: Adding Viktor asking Luther what ended the world into this one because my thoughts bleed into it - he was so soft in his explanation and there’s something really special about he and Five’s different approaches to this. They were both being soft with Viktor, they were both trying to protect him. For Luther, he saw what Viktor needed in that moment, and he also needed to own up to the fact that it was not just on Viktor again. I’m forever upset that Ruby interrupted them.

1x07: “I want to be Number Four.” The Klaus/Luther dynamic is really special to me and it probably really started in this scene. Obviously Luther had been a bit hostile with Klaus and brushed him off for a lot of things - but it wasn’t out of malice or hatred or anything. He and Klaus are just so different in their personalities that he just never really understood him. I feel like, especially as teenagers, they couldn’t be more different - Klaus going out, meeting people, going to parties, etc., vs. Luther not fully understanding at the time why that even mattered - compared to present day when that’s what he wants, to have friends and to meet people outside of his siblings and have a life like Klaus did. Back to my point - he may not have always treated Klaus kindly, but there’s a certain level of respect he has for him that really isn’t revealed until here. He wasn’t resentful of Klaus having that life outside of the Academy - he was jealous of it. He thinks of Klaus as someone carefree who can just live his life without anything weighing him down (of course that’s not true for Klaus, but there’s validation in Luther no longer acting like that’s Klaus’s downfall).  Also just this whole sequence means so much to me - from Klaus immediately getting serious once he realized why Luther wants to be like him, to Luther being completely vulnerable with Klaus yet saying he doesn’t want the rest of their siblings to see him like that, to Klaus immediately validating his pain and agreeing with him, to Klaus taking the first opportunity he gets to call Reginald out for hurting him. Everything, all of it, I love them. Also I’m sneaking this moment from 2x10 into this answer and you can’t stop me - but at the end, when they’re about to head back to 2019, Klaus stops because he wants to grab the cowboy hat. Luther looks at him so confused yet so fascinated too. Klaus just fascinates him. He doesn’t understand why he does the things he does but he loves him exactly the way he is and wouldn’t ever want him to change.

2x03:  Luther is on a run and sees kids cheering him on, yelling “King Kong” excitedly. This moment is just so important to me because ‘King Kong’ is clearly not an alias that he chose or was comfortable with; it’s so derogatory and exploitive (as is anything of the nature, monkey-man, ape-man, etc.) But especially with why it’s used - it was used to exploit him and his body / the body alteration that he did not ask for or consent to having. And Luther’s dynamic with Jack is not the same as it was with Reginald, yet he clung to him in a similar way - and yet again, Luther was being used as someone’s weapon, something to exploit. But there’s this moment with the kids cheering him on that suddenly makes that alias feel okay, because it’s almost like he’s the superhero that everyone loved again. They’re just kids, and they’re looking at him like he’s a hero, and in a very brief moment in time, that’s really comforting to him, even if the alias is still not okay. It’s such a small moment but it just means so much to me that he got one small moment of peace with it. I think about this so often.

I also need to add Luther/Five/Five in 2x08-09 + Klaus and Luther in the Void in 3x10, just in general. I can’t list favorite moment from these scenes because they’re all so fun for me and the biggest serotonin boosts of TUA. Five and Klaus are probably my two favorite Luther dynamics - there’s so much resonation between him and Five and their similar (yet still wildly different) experiences, and so much respect between him and Klaus for their very different experiences. Also, I still quote “He’s just a little guy” every single day. 

Mind if I cheat... honorable mentions because I can’t help myself. 1x03 describing what the moon was like to Allison, how he’s able to put it so eloquently despite the fact that those years were horribly dark and destructive for him (this probably belongs in my top 5 but I am stressed). 1x04 in the flashback when he tells Reginald he is the only one left, because it’s the first hint we get from Reginald that it was clear he was starting to worry that Luther might leave. 2x10 to Lila “Love shouldn’t have to hurt this much,” validating not only her but really recognizing his own experience. 1x05 his conversations with Five at Diego’s + in the car + shielding him from the bullet. 2x10 + 2x01 when he uses his body as a shield to protect his siblings. 3x03 when he compliments Viktor’s hair and is insistent on wanting to welcome him in as brothers. 3x10 after the universe reset and he notices his body and calls it “my body” because it’s finally his again and not what Reginald turned him into. 3x09 in the moon sequence when we learn that his depression started not even a year into being on the moon which brings so much of his arc in season 1 even more into perspective + also the moment he touches the photo of his siblings (And I stand firmly by the fact that he brought Viktor’s book with him so he had a piece of him too). 3x08 asking Viktor to be his best man, kissing Klaus on the forehead, “Tonight is all I ever wanted, just everyone coming together when it really matters, one big, real family.” 2x07(?) telling Allison their best quality as a family is hope because it just shifts the tone of the series for me and I love it. 2x06 when he calls Diego out for not using the conch because it was Viktor’s suggestion and he wants to make sure Viktor was heard. 2x01 with Five saying he doesn’t give a shit about saving the world because it’s major character development and aligns well with the quote I mentioned on my previous answer about overestimating his own importance. 1x09 when Allison’s injured and he talks about his own experience in waking up in a place he does not recognize not feeling like himself. 3x09 getting to vote ‘no’ because it meant Reginald couldn’t use him as the weapon he trained him to be anymore (+ continued on in their conversation before Reginald kills him). 1x06/07 when he finds his dad’s unopened reports. 3x02 when he tells Sloane that his family fell apart after Ben died and even he stopped caring. 1x01 when he runs away from the fight with Diego, not because he’s hurt, but because he’s afraid of his body being exposed. 3x10 when he gets to be the hero because he rarely does so it was such a satisfying moment for him + he gets to tell off Reginald again.  If I don’t stop here I will list 96% of his scenes, and I’ve already cheated plenty. 

Okay TLDR: He means so much to me. Thank you for torturing me with this question.

#luther #jameszmaguire #number5theboy #answered #tua spoilers #the question: 5. me: that's just a number it can't control me #this is so many s2 moments but there was just so much payoff for his s1 arc #luther hargreeves

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 S01E04: Infection

First

Previous

ToC

Gonna live dangerously and try to gently chew some instant pho while I watch this one! Not-smoking without nicotine patches as an aid is going alright...probably because I don’t particularly feel like going into anaphylaxis again. Whenever I want a cig today, I think about yesterday when I realized I was totally alone in my house and couldn’t breathe and boom, cured for at least an hour.

 *hits play*

The subtitles tell me this new person is named Mary-Anne: why doesn’t it always do this?

Earthforce is a hilarious name.

“I’ve come to offer you an adventure, Stephen,” seems ominous, say no.

So you have to declare plants, non-sentient pets, and organic matter. But not sentient pets? What counts? Just with my level of ethological knowledge I’d say all corvids, all pigs, and all parrots at minimum are sentient. Edit: and elephants, apes, octopus, and cetaceans. And meerkats have language so probably them, too. Dunno if that’s what this random cargo bay/customs worker is talking about, though.

Nice of the smuggler to close the staff member’s eyes. So they don’t dry out, right? Not that he’s been hypo’d to death.

Aw, he’s dead. And he’s so new Garibaldi hasn’t even met him yet.

“I’d like you to meet my assistant, the guy who murdered the guy in your morgue right now.”

Living, organic tech is pretty cool. Murder to smuggle them into Babylon 5 still seems kinda excessive. Especially when you only have to wait 48 hours!

Nelson the murderer got lightning’d and now he’s sick, you can tell, cuz he’s sweating and getting an abscess.

Ohhhh no, it’s been a whole 15 hours and Stephen hasn’t made an historic breakthrough yet. One would think an archaeologist would be a little more patient.

Why, exactly, did an archaeologist teach MD Stephen Franklin at Uni? Let alone be an inspiration to him?

Reverse-engineering breakthroughs from a dead civilization for tech that your uneasy allies may or may not already have is a shortcut that makes one’s hands dirty? I don’t understand (yet) and am unsure why Stephen would feel dirty doing it, unless he’s just that anti-corporation. Which, fair. Fuck capitalists.

Nelson is looking R O U G H. I hope the organic tech eats him.

Ah, it’s sorta eatin him, sorta him eatin it.

“Protect who, and from what?” Or...protect what, and from whom? And how is shooting everyone you see fulfilling that goal, ancient, confused Nelsifact?

Ivanova: 1. Mary-Anne: 0.

HAH. @ladymegana told me they give some of the best lines to Ivanova and so far, I agree. What an excellent threat. Completely left up to the imagination but also so explicit. And her physicality is so appealing. She owns her space and has no problems frogmarching people around just with her posture and attitude. A+.

OH dang, Nelsifact is super mutated now. Artifelson? More glorious special effects.

Preeeeetty sure this rando artifact won’t eat Stephen, but I don’t have any gifset-related spoilers as to his survival or the lack thereof. Delenn is the only one I’m Pretty Sure Survives All The Way Through.

edit: I did not realize that was the murder weapon that he picked up. No stephen-eating has occurred.

Ahh, it’s turning Nelsifact into an Ikarran, it’s based on racist ideology, and he’s going to kill everyone who isn’t an Ikarran, which is everyone, since there are no Ikarrans left. Very neat and tidy summary of the progression of facism. First they came for, et cetera.

Yeah, vent that fucker into space.

When did they find out it was named Tular? Or that it had a name at all? Oh well. I like the armor. It looks neat. Too bad it’s attached to a genocidal space fascist.

Yep, this seems like a great way to piss off a fascist. Well done, Sinclair.

“Too tall, too short! Too dark, too light! They were killed, and the killing went on and on and on.”

Yep. This is a little chilling considering how much I’ve seen people advocating for eugenics-by-any-other-name lately. Always disappointing when a critique is as pointed and relevant in the modern day as it was when the critique was created some decades past. Can we march on with some progress yet? Or must we re-hash every advance we’ve ever made?

Nelsifact actor definitely had fun with this. Those dramatically trembling fingers and jaw! And now he’s naked and dead and human!

Oh, alive, actually. And headed to prison for murder. Nice.

The corporation is evil, duh. Dodging the quarantine was still unnecessary, it seems. Greedy mf’ers gonna do dumb things for their greed. Also still a relevant critique. 

just figured out why Garibaldi looks familiar. He looks a bit like Bruce Willis in the Fifth Element, I think.

“Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it. [...] It seems no one reads Santayana anymore. You’ll excuse me: if you need me I’ll be over there, getting drunk with the rest of the aliens.”

Ivanova really does have like ten great lines to everyone else’s one.

Good episode. All still fully pertinent today, depressingly. But excellent.

(pho eating and gentle chewing went well.)

Next!

#babylon 5 #social commentary #babylon 5 says nazis fuck off and die #woodsfae b5

[ugilestking]

reflecting on dan howell.

as #cringe as it probably is in the year 2022, i don’t feel any sense of shame in saying that i’ve been a very big fan of dan howell (and, of course, phil lester) for roughly 11 years now. it might seem embarrassing or juvenile of me, but i really don’t care -- for me, dan is maybe the most important person in my life in some ways. he’s certainly the most important person in my life that i don’t actually know on a personal level. so here’s the first entry in my journal of sorts, incredibly long and weird but i think it’s healthy for me to get it out somewhere.

growing up, i was the weird kid who never had any friends, or if i did, it was short-lived and they hated me once they talked to me for too long because i was different and something about me was wrong. i could feel it, even if no one really acknowledged it or put it in words to my face. even if i smiled and played nice, offered to share my crayons or help with an assignment, or never really talked at all, people didn’t like me. as i got older, i started to piece together what felt wrong, but i never wanted to acknowledge it or think about it for too long. after all, it was the thing that everything hated me for.

i was awkward and uncomfortable and i had no friends, so i spent most of my time browsing the internet looking for something to escape the suffocating world i actually lived in -- this is very intense for someone who was, like, 12, but it’s genuinely how i felt and sometimes still feel now. no one seemed to get it or be like me at all...until a random gifset of some british guy a little older than me popped up on my dashboard on tumblr. he seemed funny and cute, so i searched up the username “danisnotonfire” and, for the first time, it felt like someone just...got it.

it’s hard to explain what “it” was, but five minutes into the first video i watched and i felt like i had a friend. someone who was like me. it became this thing where i’d spend hours watching all the videos of him i could find, and if i had a bad day at school or got into a fight with my mom, the first thing i would do was watch a video of dan’s. it was like having an older brother or a best friend who had the same sense of humor and interests as me. even if i had no “real” friends, it felt like, maybe, he would like me. if we were closer in age and knew each other in person, maybe he’d get that i’m weird and different and it would be okay.

unlike most of my other interests or infatuations, all throughout high school, as i suffered through puberty and being put in long sparkly dresses and being told that i wasn’t feminine enough and the few times i spoke were too much and i was too loud and annoying and weird, i always felt like i at least had dan. he didn’t know me, but it was like he did and maybe me being so different wouldn’t be a problem to him -- he might actually like me even if i wasn’t exhausting myself to the core to be the opposite of everything i was denying and hated for. 

i admired him for who he was, even if he wasn’t saying anything particularly deep or meaningful or trying to basically be a role model for a horribly depressed, self-loathing teenager across the world. i wanted to be like him and surround myself with people like him because if nothing else, he seemed like the kind of person who wouldn’t give a fuck if people didn’t like you in school because you didn’t fit their expectation of normal.

i’m not yet ready to unpack all of this -- maybe one day i will -- but i don’t think i’d still be here walking around if i hadn’t found his videos and the sense of community and belonging that came with it. by 13, i was already positive i wouldn’t make it to 18 and that there was no point in being alive. especially not if everyone treated me like some disgusting outsider for something i didn’t even understand yet. but feeling like someone got what it was like to exist as me, even if he never explicitly said anything that would indicate this, made me feel like...maybe i could go on. 

by the time i was 18, i was already much older than i’d ever planned on being and absolutely miserable because this thing i was running away from was getting harder to ignore. it only got worse in the following few years as my social circle started to expand and i became more aware of the lgbt community...and how much the people where i live hate this community. even though my mother had never said anything degrading (quite the opposite, actually), there was so much on the outside that made me feel disgusting and wrong for what i was feeling...like i was something broken and unfixable.

by 2019, i was thinking about how i could either force this thing out of me or how i could...stop. to put it lightly. because “pride” and “acceptance” weren’t things that belonged to me or anyone i knew.

and then, like always, there was dan.

his coming out isn’t about anyone but him but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t sob until my head hurt when i watched the video -- even when i got the notification on my phone, i felt lightheaded. not because i was upset, obviously. i was so very happy for him that it was something he shared and wanted to talk about! even when it’s hard and not very happy.

with that, though, was the sense of relief, belonging, and togetherness i always felt when it came to my favorite parasocial relationship, but...amplified by about a hundred. it was almost like...him being true to himself and sharing that with us gave me permission to do the same, in some weird way. he’d never know me or know this, but he’s basically been with me for over half my life, and he really did get it. this person i looked up to, cherished, and effectively came to whenever i was sad or happy or anything in between, was like me. he understood. he wouldn’t hate me for what i am and i could say it to him.

it really does sound so deeply dramatic and soap opera-esque, i’m totally aware. but dan coming out to us helped me come out to myself. it wasn’t immediate, but before the end of the year, i was ready to be honest and admit the thing i’ve been trying to get rid of my entire life. i’m a trans man, and i’m gay. it’s such a simple sentence, but i could never say it even to myself...but somehow, because dan said his truth, i was able to as well.

his later discussions on not having pride and feeling deceptive and inauthentic have rung so true to me on such an insanely deep level, and i know this relationship is really all in my head, but. it’s saved my life, and i think ultimately made me a better person.

if i could, i’d invite him to my law school graduation or even my (maybe someday) wedding. crazy? yes. true? also yes! ( @danielhowell my graduation is may 2024 if you’re interested )

due to the amazing best friend i have, i was able to meet him in seattle last night and see him on his tour. i burst into tears as soon as we made eye contact. he hugged me and called me cute and thanked me for coming and being his fan and even complimented the stupid washi tape design i put on the envelope i handed him because i noticed a smudge on it ten minutes before i had to leave the hotel room and didn’t want him to see it and it was such a quick interaction, probably routine for him at this point, but my hands were shaking for about two hours after the whole ordeal.

he even drew me a few things for a tattoo i’m getting in january! 

seeing him in person and getting to tell him that he’s important to me was honestly...probably the best few moments of my life. the entire show was definitely the most fun i’ve ever had (and the emotional whiplash near the end...if you know, you know), and i know in 11 more years i’ll be talking about him fondly like he’s an old friend or something because i’m a crazy gay mess.

i don’t know. all in all, i hope he knows that he’s enough exactly the way he is. i’ve always liked him because he’s dan, whatever that means, and him just being dan has made such a hugely positive impact on me and nothing’s taking that away.

so. yeah! i don’t want my face on tumblr but i’m absolutely getting the selfies he took of us printed and framed and once i can get an appointment booked, i’ll have his actual handwriting tattooed on me because i am gay and so thankful for him in every possible way.

#this feels weird and somehow fake deep...i'm not really putting him on a pedestal and i'm aware i don't like... #know him personally and that it's largely my perception of who he is that #has impacted me in this way. just a small disclaimer that i'm not totally delusional! it doesn't mean i can't still care about him though #and overall be thankful for and acknowledge the impact he's had on me #idk why i'm tagging this when no one but me is gonna read it LKJGKJDKLGA

[knowlesian]

has anyone done a gifset that’s just comparing izzy tearing up when ed chokes him/The Whole Toe thing? 

i only ask because i need to stare at izzy ‘fuck you we were NOT MUPPETS YESTERDAY oh shit, oh fuuuuuck yes it’s happening, glory hallelujah my boyfriend captain is back, i’m done being gaslit by you wholesome felt twats’ hands experiencing the realignment of his fucked up little world on an endless loop.

I MEAN. if you think about it, izzy’s from the version of black sails Certain Oblivious People thought that show was before the “they’re gay pirates, harold, deal with it or be unable to watch this show because they’re getting their gay all over the main thrust of the narrative as we speak” beat dropped. 

this means he is subtextually gay as shit for blackbeard in freaky/violent, public ways and even fucking gayer still for edward in ...also freaky/violent, but softer and more private ways and all the while textually speaking, They’re Just Good Friends forever and ever amen.

izzy is from a world where there is a rule: you work out the way you wanna fuck the guy you spend all your time with by stabbing things together. other people, each other, all phallic imagery is allowed and indeed, encouraged, so long as you use objects that evoke “soooo, this is supposed to be a dick thing, right?” but never push it beyond the realm of subtext. izzy can have loyalty and shared power, and as long as he cashes in his tokens sparingly meaningful gazes and clasping arms or patting each other on the shoulder and letting the touch linger juuuuust long enough to make it kinda gay are all on the approved list. in izzy’s world you bleed for each other, you kill and die for each other, you are the most important people in each other’s lives—as long as the text retains plausible deniability it’s Not Like That. 

maybe you can have a lil it’s not gay if it’s in a threeway (or a love triangle!) action as a treat and if somebody almost dies/is thought to be dead a hug is allowed, but your love better not even fucking think about speaking its name. 

honestly, even if izzy felt like pushing that barrier, what would he say? the sacred texts to translate what izzy feels for the man who becomes edward when they’re alone don’t even exist where he’s from. they have words for what he might want do in bed and what the world thinks of men like him, but love’s just not applicable. the songs he sings are not ones of love because not to put too fine a point on it, but: in izzy’s world, love is for men who don’t have boners you can see from space for other men. he’s swallowed all the lies the world told him about love whole and made them part of his identity.

with all that in mind, let’s look at how if you tilt your head and squint, ofmd is not just a joyful and affirming celebration of finding your community of equally if not identically bizarre fellows, but also a deeply depressing pirate love story as experienced by izzy ‘the only non-muppet around and not okay with it’ hands.

before i get into the actual meat of the two scenes, i want to stop and marvel at one specific part of the leadup and why ed decides to try and introduce the front of izzy’s neck to the back. quote time!!!!

Not some namby-pamby in a silk gown, pining for his boyfriend. 

like, CHRIST. fucking WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE. why are they so good? i gotta take a quick structural analysis break to handle the way the writers packed like... a whole fucking essay on izzy’s deeply toxic pirate masculinity and summed up a point i will spend this whole insane post trying to express in one tidy line. i ache to be this efficient a writer.

i’m gonna break it into pieces, because they all deserve attention.

we start out with what’s edging into a gentle slur, but is ultimately defanged by being nowhere close to on par with the uglier ways a modern audience knows he could phrase that. i think it’s worth spotlighting how izzy never quite says anything on its face hateful that i can think of? he’s not supportive, that’s for fucking certain, but unless i’ve forgotten something (very possible, often true) this is the closest he comes to fulfilling the homophobic gay trope in the content of his speech and not just how he says things/his vibes. 

(though let us make no mistake here, his vibes are rock fucking hard homophobic gay. jesus christ with this one, bless his heart.)

i can’t tell if it’s a writer choice or character choice. my instinct says it’s both! anyway, either way i’m into it. could even be a subtle hint izzy’s closer to dragging the canon kicking and screaming into the dark where he feels more comfortable. 

now we move over to izzy mocking edward’s dressing gown. this team HATES ME, because it’s not enough to just have him essentially say “take off that soft fancy shit and rub some dirt on it, real men don’t cry”. oh no, not for these absolute combopack monster/lighthouses! of course they have izzy leave off dressing and just say gown. of COURSE. we understand as an audience they don’t mean gown as in dress because the visuals fill that gap for us, but by deleting one word they effectively have izzy imply edward’s a big fucking girl without needing to have him actually say it.

i mean... come on. come ON.

pining and boyfriend are also excellent choices; pining implies weakness and fading from a former glory, and boyfriend is uh... boyfriend! what it says on the tin, but it also throws in tones of infantilization by leaning on ‘boy’ instead of a more adult-associated choice like lover. 

anyway onto what i’m supposed to be doing: crying about how con is lowkey playing out a grand fucking greek tragedy in the background at literally every second he’s on-screen as izzy and i’ve gone down the rabbit hole about it. honestly they should give that man extra hazard pay, he could have hurt himself going this hard.

look at the way his face softens when edward chokes him. look at the tears in his eyes and the tremble in his hand when he reaches out, the un-fucking-bearable tenderness. the way he doesn’t fight ed’s violence, he encourages and leans into it. (because once upon a time in private, izzy was allowed to know that blackbeard could be edward; he was the only person who knew that, before stede rolled on up in his stupid fucking boat and his stupid fucking pants and unearthed ed and ruined izzy’s whole fucking life.)

speaking of:

Blackbeard is my captain. I serve Blackbeard, not Edward. Edward better watch his fucking step.

the way i feel about ‘i serve blackbeard’ does not even need to be EXPLAINED. if you’re bothering to read this shit you know the face i made when that line entered my ears and lodged itself in my brain, never to leave, because you made it too. i won’t profane even this Most Unholy post with my feelings about the use of that particular verb there. it’s good. i like it. well done team, no notes and the end. nobody fucking perceive me.

more high mindedly: i love how izzy uses edward here, not ed. it reframes the “using edward is a privilege i am given by my captain” to “saying edward is a gift i can take back until you prove you’re my captain again”. as far as izzy is concerned, ed doesn’t even exist. blackbeard’s his captain and always has been and thus commands his loyalty, but edward’s in the doghouse until he thinks long and hard about what he’s done.

there’s also a beat there that i think stands as what izzy considers Having a Talk About Their Relationship.

(...well fuck. well, FUCK. izzy thought they were dating, didn’t he? he totally did. holy shit that’s perfect. they were subtextually dating and stede started actually dating ed and that’s just another level of his reality stede broke. oh my god, this little ratman. this fucking IDIOT. his life is the worst. it’s amazing and so funny and also no-jokes sad. SO GOOD.)

so i guess that means in izzy’s world, that was how you say “we might still have to work together, but you’re sleeping on the fucking couch until i sort out how i feel about your little fling”. blackbeard is his captain and he serves him; that’s business. edward is his Subtextual Boyfriend, and from izzy’s perspective edward has been really shitting the bed lately.

honestly: awww, look at him go! trying to communicate like a real boy. that’s one mangled ‘you tried’ star for izzy.

all that would be enough to make me want to fling myself into the sun, it really would. i would still be screaming about izzy and the way con makes sure izzy’s gaze always comes back to rest on ed in every scene they're in together, no matter what else is going on, for the rest of my life.

but oh wait, it GETS WORSE. because here it comes: the toe scene. buckle up, get ready for this to Go Places because i am going full galaxy brain. let’s talk about love as consumption re: izzy’s feelings about doing the Weird Vore.

there’s the unavoidable jesus shit all up in this scene’s guts so i honestly could stop here and just scream WHY? WHY, WHY DO A FUCKING COMMUNION METAPHOR WITH HIS OWN TOE STANDING IN FOR THE HOLY HOST? YOU’RE SICK. YOU’RE SICK AND I LOVE IT!!! SIT AND THINK ABOUT YOUR CHOICES AND THEN NEVER EVER CHANGE, AND IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT: GO AHEAD AND GET WORSE for a couple hours instead of moving on, but i’ll get there eventually. 

aka: if you ever thought to yourself ‘i wonder if anybody’s gonna talk way too long about the constant and super amazing queering and/or subversion of christian imagery and the religion itself in this show’ i got your back there, just you hold tight. ohhhhh baby i got so! many! thoughts! on! that!

for today though, i’m gonna stick with the way izzy processes love and his relationship with ed.

the way ed gets rid of lucius, layers his armor back on piece by piece, and then sees himself reflected in an implement of violence and names himself a monster, not a lighthouse, before he goes to visit izzy is... A Lot. i want to talk more later! but it felt worth mentioning here as his gateway between the new world he thinks stede denied him and the old world he used to share with izzy. 

similarly, the way we get a shot of izzy’s bare, vulnerable feet and black loincloth thing-y before ed takes his toe makes me want to wade right into the proverbial sea!!! i hate this show.

the mix of tenderness and menace taika flips between here is just... like, i know this post is about con and izzy and i will GET THERE but because taika’s affect entirely changing here is important to izzy, i get to gush about it. he’s just so good. 

anyway, izzy. izzy, who has a mouth full of his own toe and edward all up in his grill and thanks to the Weird Vore is having a religious and a sexual experience all at once. izzy, with a love song for broken men in his heart and tears in his eyes, because in this moment he is full of nothing but awe.

the way we use ‘awesome’ now is pretty casual; it means we like something. that something is good. my lunch was awesome, your hat is awesome, we had an awesome time. good, but not necessarily noteworthy. you forget awesome things that happen to you all the time.

in the bible, when something is worthy of awe, you drop to your knees and cry and beg for mercy because the glory and power of what you have just witnessed cannot be expressed by clumsy human tongues; to be in even an echo of the presence of god is to experience the overwhelming urge to absolutely shit yourself. edward’s hand around his throat gave him hope, but this clicks everything back into place for him because the violent, ugly evidence of edward’s love for him is working its way down his gullet. hurrah! life is good again, and by good izzy means horrifying.

so yeah, izzy is chock-full of awe. edward is the face of his god and real flesh his communion; this is a motherfucking religious experience. bow down bitches, because he is worshipping.

(also, he probably came in his pants.)

the thing that really takes me to “fuck it, i’m out, i can’t anymore” place is the way the method of consumption proves the lie of izzy’s ecstasy. edward isn’t providing him any real nourishment, ed is feeding izzy himself, shoving his own toxic notions of love down his throat and making sure he chews them real good first. he’s not consuming the man he loves, he’s eating his own fucking tail.

i just wanna talk to the person who came up with this idea. maybe i’ll beat them up in the parking lot of a denny’s, maybe i’ll cry on them forever. maybe i’ll buy them a fruit basket so expensive i will have to go into debt forever. who knows! i am both a monster and a lighthouse, myself.

the tatty scrap izzy clutches close to his chest and calls his heart might only exist in metaphor, but it’s just as red as ed’s and unlike our boy, the claret being spilled by izzy’s love most fucking certainly isn’t wine. violent and transactional, nasty brutish and short; these are the words izzy learned for the feelings in his chest. it’s like jack said before buttons took his ass out with what i can only assume is the power of having the most amazing facial expressions i have ever seen: pirates don’t have friends, and they don’t fall in love. they’re just in various stages of fucking each other over and in izzy’s sad, repressed world, they don’t even get to fuck each other in the bargain.

but that’s okay: he doesn’t need that. the story izzy lived in before stede ruined his life told him time and time again: it’s not about that. 

so this is good, and this is right. with edward looming over him, subtextually fucking the shit out of him but not making it gay in a way a straight audience would be unable to ignore, the world makes sense again. he’s got the taste of his own flesh in his mouth and blood on his teeth. he’s home. 

so long to that muppet bullshit about ‘talking out our feelings’ and ‘giving each other hugs’ and ‘oh my FUCKING GOD get some therapy you leather-clad sad sack who is 1000000% going to die alone in a puddle of his own piss if he doesn’t get it together’. fuck emotional literacy right in the ear! who’s she? izzy’s proud to say he’s never met her. 

all that joy, the glimpse into a world where love is a word that could ever apply izzy was all a bad dream, and now he’s awake. this is the real world: this is as close to a love song as men like izzy can ever hope to shape with their untrained tongues. 

hey la, hey la, motherfuckers. his boyfriend’s back.

...so yeah anyway, anybody seen that gifset?

#our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #the silly/genius intersectional muppet extravaganza #my ofmd meta #izzy hands #poor poor izzy. #i sat down to do a 'quick freewrite' #hours later i bring you: this insane shit #i call it the ballad of izzy hands: big dumb stupidhead who is not a muppet #why do i care so much? #why do i have so much to say about this? #i just do #anyway this happened #izzy makes my brain cry #he's so FUNNY #i want to laugh in his stupid tattooed face #i also want to pat his hand and yank him towards being a muppet #JUST FUCK LUCIUS IZZY #you wanna do it so much it makes you look stupid anyway #pete can come too tbqh #or watch or just hear about it the point is: maybe i WILL find izzy love??? #yes the tags had to be like this they needed to match the energy of the post #ps: izzy's theme song is rabbit hole by natkills #i don't make the rules it just is #i abandoned the framing device SO FAST #yolo

[nincompoopydoo]

DEBRIS AND MISERY

WELCOME BACK, AGENT ; PART 4 / ?

PAIRING: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader WORD COUNT: 2.5k SUMMARY: You're back at your desk job at the TVA, suffering the consequences of your mistakes that led to your crash on Sakaar. However, Mobius has a better job for you than doing just paperwork. A/N: I feel like this one has more platonic mobius x reader than loki x reader lol but you know, this loki is meeting her for the first time again. please leave comments, criticism or love, whatever, I love to hear from you guys who are reading this. enjoy xo gif by @alligatorlokis from this gifset WARNINGS: Swearing. Paperwork. support my writing through ko-fi💖 MASTERPOST ; MASTERLIST

The sweet musky smell almost lulls you to sleep as you skim through the case file of a Loki variant, pictures and text of monochrome glaring under the unforgiving fluorescent office lighting. It’s a harsh reminder of your mishap; a simple overlook during a mission that sent you crashing onto the wasteland of Sakaar. According to the reports as you stood on the pedestal, pleading your innocence to the judge, you were there for an estimated 600 years. Maybe more.

The thought of spending six centuries stranded on a planet sends a wave of pain through your skull—it’s overwhelming information but unsurprising. You do feel like you’ve spent 600 years on that God-forsaken planet.

Now, your once fugitive days have been replaced with the return of being trapped behind a desk and having to recount every event that took place during your time there. Word for word. You despise the TVA’s love of paperwork—it’s a fucking nightmare.

The collar of your shirt feels itchy against the back of your neck, bringing your nails to graze it furiously.

You decide to ignore Miss Minutes' cheery voice despite your agitation, your name rolling off her southern accent. It hints at her chagrin towards your disregarding nature.

"Are you even listenin' to me?"

Her voice lacks all sense of her once constant sunny disposition. You spare the projection a glance, watching her rubber-hose-like arms curve to her where you assume her hips would be. She looks at you with an expectant raised brow. You don’t say anything, keeping eye contact as you snatch an empty event report template, spinning in your swivel chair and away from the glowing tangerine clock.

With pursed lips, you swipe the scatter of mess away, revealing an orange typewriter that sits idly within the expense of your stacks of case files and your collection of vintage Earth cassettes. You hear Miss Minutes' sigh as she strides to the other end of your desk, perching on top of a dusty stack of pending paperwork.

“C’mon, it’s just a test,” the animated clock says. You spare her another look as you feed the report template into the roller forcefully. Bing! The return bar dings unceremoniously as it nearly startles Miss Minutes off the stack.

“That is exactly why I’m refusing to listen to you,” you mutter with annoyance, fingers already flying across the keyboard, punching letters onto the event summary section. The loud clickety-clack of the keys makes it impossible to hear over it. “I don’t get why I need to take a test when I clearly know everything I need to know.”

“Well, you were gone for a very long time and we just wanna test your memory on policies and procedures here at the TVA—”

“Then, why didn’t they come and get me earlier? From the moment I stepped foot on Sakaar, I did everything I could to create a Nexus event or even just a spike and you only came when? When I met Loki.”

Your eyes are now on her startled figure, clicks and clacks coming to an abrupt end. You’re upset over your arrest, the whole hoo-ha at the courtroom, and everything before that. Your behavior is nearly childish but understandable to those who express empathy. You feel like you were being used, prioritizing the capture of the Loki variant that has been causing a ruckus to the timeline. But, it is your job to protect the TVA and the sacred timeline. Although you feel that the TVA should be protecting its employees as well.

“Look, I am not taking that test and that’s my final word. Everyone knows I am capable of handling myself. Plus, I do have tons of paperwork to refresh my memory on policies and procedures if that’s what you’re worried about.”

The cartoon clock nods but with hesitation. However, you do make a fair point. Thus, with a swish and a blip, Miss Minutes disappears into thin air, and you’re left to your own devices once more.

Finally some goddamn peace.

As if the universe doesn’t loathe you enough, someone calls your name, approaching from behind you. A groan escapes from your lips, scowling at the glaring keys of the typewriter.

“What?” you spat. In a swift motion, you swivel in your seat and turn to look over your shoulder.

It’s Mobius, approaching you with sudden caution. You let your shoulder sag with relief, happy to see a familiar friendly face.

“Glad to see you’re back and still feisty.” Mobius hesitantly taps your shoulder, flashing you a small consoling smile. Your expression, however, remains unchanged. “Well, you guys did find me after all.” He spots the glimmer of melancholy in your eyes; they avert back to face the typewriter, hands resting on the keys. Mobius shoves his hand into the pockets of his brown slacks, shifting to lean against the edge of your desk. He knows to tread lightly around you after what happened. You’ve changed with wrinkles of age and crinkles of exhaustion. Sakaar must have not been kind to you.

Yet, you’re here, at your desk; alive and well.

“Hey, what’s got you all wound up?”

It’s a stupid question, really but it’s a question to show he still cares. You have every right to be upset. However, you have every right to be thankful. You would have been pruned. Desk cleared and cassettes discarded—it would be as if you never existed. Renslayer would have never given you any mercy after the act you pulled. Disobeying orders and recklessly throwing yourself into danger with the risk of bringing the whole TVA down. You’re impulsive on missions, but it’s your unrelenting determination that drives you to be one of the greatest analysts Mobius has ever seen.

You’re also a friend. A great one. And he isn’t planning on losing one.

“Please prune me, Mobius.”

Your statement comes off as intentionally sarcastic rather than truly meaningful.

“What? I always thought you adored paperwork.” Mobius hears you groan, burying your face in your hands, elbows propped up on the desk. “My back is already hurting, and I have a migraine just thinking about typing out reports of my time on Sakaar. I think it’s quite clear I adore paperwork.” Your muffled voice tinges sarcasm heavily.

Laughter erupts in his chest. He's glad that your sense of humor never changed. Then, the moment quickly passes and he senses a sudden change in the air. You turn up to look at him.

“What was my Nexus event?”

It’s abrupt, almost arbitrary but leads him to even more confusion. Mobius finds himself frowning. “You don’t know?”

You blink. “That’s the one thing they never told me.”

He shifts in his seat on the edge of your desk, blinking up to the ceiling in thought. “Well, from what I heard...it was because Loki willingly helped you. And it wasn’t for his own advantage.”

It’s your turn to frown. “Wouldn’t that be Loki's fault?”

“Apparently not. It was all you.”

You laugh in response; it comes out like a puff of air. “Well, then. That’s a first. I guess I can finally add manipulation to my list of skills. Plus, pick-pocketing weird cosmic fruits.”

Mobius laughs and taps your shoulder again.

“C’mon, take a walk with me. I’ve got a new case that I need your help with.” You shoot him a quizzical look, eyes catching sight of a thick case file in hand—must be important. “I thought I was supposed to be on desk duty.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to sit behind the desk the whole time,” he shoots back a clever answer with a raised eyebrow, beckoning you to accept his offer. Your laugh comes off as more of a snort. It’s the first one in a while. You stand on your feet, stretching your limbs as you shrug on your coat that was hung over the back of your chair.

“Plus, you’re under my supervision,” he says before turning on his heel, heading for the exit. You watch him raise a hand, his back to you, gesturing for you to follow as he pushes through the wooden door. You hum with amusement, trailing behind him.

-

The winding hallways feel hollow, mundane walls lacking any color of brightness the TVA tries to bring to the space when in all fairness, orange isn’t much of a fun color now that everywhere you look, there’s a tinge of tangerine somewhere. The posters that adorn the walls are your least favorite parts of the headquarters’ decorative choice. You pass one that says 'Always Watching' in big bold letters, ominously glaring at you. The words are far from comforting, almost inhumane—a jarring reminder of where you are and where you stand in the hierarchy of this bureaucratic organization.

Mobius clears his throat from beside you, pulling you out from your thoughts. In a weirdly discreet manner, he hands you the case file with an outstretched hand. You take it, eyeing him and his odd behavior, there’s an unexpected shift in the air.

Then, you glance down, reading the scrawled words on the file that reads: Variant L1130, Loki Laufeyson.

Your strides come to an abrupt end, whipping your head up to see Mobius’ sheepish smile. Your eyes are wide, and you’re shaking your head in utmost objection.

“No, no, no. No. Absolutely no—”

“C’mon, it’s just—”

“No, Mobius. Nuh-uh. I swear, if I have to deal with another Loki, I will prune myself. I literally will.”

You're shoving the file to him, as he attempts to suck it up to you like the optimistic idiot he is although he very well knows once you’ve made up your mind, you cannot be swayed. You’re stubborn, rebellious—it’s what makes you dangerous. Yet, the TVA are pessimists. It’s Mobius who truly recognizes your accompanying positive characteristics that make dealing with your spontaneous character worthwhile.

Then, coincidently emerging from the door of the locker room is Loki himself, dressed in a dress shirt, tie, and slacks—clothes and color schemes accustomed to the TVA’s dress code. Mobius can practically see the wires in your brain short-circuiting as soon as you lay eyes on the God. Your eye twitches and from that, he knows you’re about to go mayhem. It’s the mayhem that’s going to break out on him like a hurricane devouring everything and anything in its way.

“You hired him?! You hired a Loki?!”

Your voice is loud, startling Mobius and Loki as passersby stare at the commotion you’re causing. You find yourself hunching in response, shoulders sagging as if it’s supposed to help with averting the attention away from you. Still, your expression doesn’t falter, and you’re staring at Mobius like he’s nuts.

Your voice comes off as a whisper, tone still harsher than before. “Mobius, are you insane?—”

“Just, let me explain,” he cuts you off with a raised palm to you. You purse your lips, sparing a glance to Loki who seems amused by the looks of the conversation that’s turning to more of an argument because you’re directly questioning your colleague’s sanity in public. Nevertheless, you decide to hear him out.

You watch Mobius sigh at the sight of your raised brow. “We have a variant. A Loki variant that’s been killing our Minutemen and I believe it’s the same one that threw you to Sakaar. So, to hunt down a Loki, what better way than to source the help of another?”

Silence. You’re giving him that deafening silent treatment once more. You’re thinking, he can see the mechanics in your brain running like a steam engine. He observes the way your eyes flicker between him, the file, and Loki who attempts to hide his confusion of you and the whole situation.

You’re not his superior, not even close, but he’s hopeful for your approval of his plan.

You cross your arms, shifting in your stance. “Which Loki is this?” You gesture to Loki with a tilt of your head. Mobius heaves a sigh, a hand to his hip and the other waving in the air.

“He’s, uh, he’s from 2012—”

And you’re back to causing mayhem.

“2012?! Mobius! That’s the worst one yet!”

“Now, hang on just a minute—” Loki interrupts, voice tinged with bewilderment and resentment but with two sharp looks directed his way, he instantly shuts his mouth.

You and Mobius are now back to your whispered debate.

“Look, as much as I hate to admit it, the TVA’s survival all depends on catching this variant and that means our survival. He has potential for change, so much of it...You just have to trust me on this.”

Mobius makes an excellent point but you can't help but feel the queasiness rising from your stomach. It feels like bile. You begin to feel the weight of the case file in your grasp becoming heavier and heavier. It’s the thought of risky business, and you’re almost upset as to why Mobius thinks it’s such a brilliant idea to pull you into this case after the stunt you pulled.

“Care to explain why I'm involved in this? You do know I’m being scrutinized for every move I make, right?”

Following your question, he glances at Loki who seems to be growing impatient, eyes wandering around the hallway. He leans forward and lowers his voice though his pitch raises, like when he's excited about a breakthrough.

“Because I know you’re capable of getting Loki to trust you. It happened once, there’s a high chance it’ll happen again and that’s good enough for me.” He watches you blink once. Then, twice. He continues, “And you’re being scrutinized by me. So, does it really matter?”

You’re silent again but in deep thought and not out of spite. Your troubled eyes find Loki’s. He’s already staring at you and for a moment, you see an unknown glimmer in his eye, expression nearly vulnerable but in an instant, he seals it away from you and averts his gaze, busying himself with straightening his pecan brown tie. It’s a small sign that he must have heard what Mobius said to you quietly. Nothing more.

Your gaze returns to your colleague and you pull yourself together, heaving a deep sigh. “Fine, but I still think you’re insane.”

Mobius beams down at you in an almost proud manner. “Welcome back, agent.” And with a turn of a heel, he waves for Loki to follow as the three of you head down the hallway. Loki quickly catches up beside you, much to your dismay. “So, what’s your story?” he leans into you with a curious smirk. You keep your face forward, shoulder back, and chin up as you reply with a monotonous tone. “None of your business, daddy long legs.”

In your peripheral vision, you note how the God retracts in response to your reply, brows now furrowed as he glances down to his legs in an almost sheepish and innocent way.

You struggle to fight down a growing smirk.

Mobius looks over his shoulder for a moment and catches sight of you and Loki’s expression after your exchange.

It looks like the two of you would get along just fine.

TAGLIST:

@lareinedususpense

@poubxlle

@mystoragehatesme

#loki #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson x reader #loki imagine #loki laufeyson imagine #loki x you #loki laufeyson x you #loki series #mobius x reader #mobius #ravonna renslayer

[buildinggsr]

In case anyone's interested, just a short message to say that I'm alive and in good health. I just disappeared from here because, well, ANXIETY. This thing (Tumblr) made me really feel far too many unhealthy feelings and had become too distracting, so I though I’d stay away for a while I thought my social activity here could help with the strange relationship I have with human beings, but, well, no. lol So, now I just try to stay here as little time as possibile in order to preserve my mental stability :D This morning I tried: I made a gifset and I was...kind of shaking because of expectations and stuff? Not that good ― but, THE GSR KISS, you know, I had to do at least one thing for it. And now I'm dead again, but for good and awesome different reasons. :D I love them so much.

In the meanwhile, thank god, I was able to keep writing, though. @coping-via-clint-eastwood, I almost completed that fic based on the end of CSI:VEGAS 1.04 I told you would have come.

Anyway, for what I can see everyone in the GSR fandom is doing just great. Keep going guys!!

I really would like to thank @captain-sassy-socks, @the-grissoms (I'm still working - slowly - on that gifset you requested!) and anon for their kind messages. You really made my day. And also thank to everyone who keeps reblogging my stuff - that means a lot to me.

Take care everyone and stay safe. See ya!

#me #csi #gsr #spoilers #csi:vegas spoilers

[howlinchickhowl]

*holy fuck, it’s GALLAVICH time* 💖🧑🏻‍🦰🧑🏻💖 - if you had an infinite amount of inspiration and time, what would be the Gallavich fic or art you would create? 💖 (& feel free to send this to anyone you like!)

Oh Calli! Another great round of asks to get everyone's juices flowing you are so cool and creative and have I told you lately how you're one of my faves?

My answer is kind of long (standard me) so it's under a cut 🙃

I want to make gifsets, my dude! I have so many ideas and I can see them in my mind's eye but I haven't made a gif successfully ever and the time involved in learning how to do it well, and then the time involved in making it look how I want it to, I just don't have it! I don't understand how people just 'hop onto photoshop' and 'knock up a gifset' y'all are wizards. WIZARDS I say. So yeah if I had infinite time to work on it I would make gifsets, starting with a labyrinth inspired one I have been thinking about since 11x06 aired 😑

Also I would love to make something for gallacrafts one of these days! It's so much fun and I love craft stuff! That's on my wishlist.

Fic wise, oh boy, I have so many ideas for fics I want to write. My dream fic, the reason I started writing fic in this fandom at all, is essentially a story about renovating the milkovich house after Terry dies and that serving as a metaphor for the kids rebuilding themselves how they want to be without him. And then, of course, Ian and Mickey falling in love during the course of that process. It would be about family and friendship and love and healing and identity, and I have bits of it written but it is not easy for me to write so it is definitely something that would benefit from that infinite time and inspiration that you mentioned. Maybe one day I will get there. But it will definitely be something I finish before I start posting it. It is too big of a thing to have it be so loosely formed as Ristretto is. Also it won't be for everybody because Svetlana and Yevgeny are a part of it and I know that's a big no for a lot of people, so I need to have it all done so I can post it and not be put off finishing it by the lack of readership 😆 But yeah, that's my guy. My white whale. My magnum opus! Will it ever see the light of day? who knows.

#💙📻🐺 #howlin atcha #about my writing #calli thank you for asking I am having such fun reading what goes on in other people's brains! #you are a treasure

[prettyboybarzal]

lessons in romance // nate mackinnon x reader

summary: nate mackinnon is really bad at keeping a steady girlfriend. so bad that’s become somewhat of a joke between him and the boys. but you come along and try to set him straight.

word count: 14k+

author’s note: it’s finally here. i’m honestly surprised at how fast i cranked this out... which is actually a LOT longer than most people write on here so mayb i shouldn’t brag lmao! this fic was inspired by THIS gifset. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE give me feedback/reblog!!!!!!

warnings: smut (i jumped out of my comfort zone people. i finally wrote some lmfao) & mentions of a past toxic ex

Weekends were better spent in bed or visiting family, not sitting in a crowded bar with men who reminded you slightly of your ex-boyfriend. You were probably overreacting a little bit because the guys truly meant well, but their overly boy-ish energy was startlingly similar to that of your ex. Maybe a few more drinks would help the cause and you could get passed the sex jokes.

Mel Landeskog was the reason you were there. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, much like her husband, and so you were sitting across the booth from some of the largest men you’d ever seen in your life. Gabe gave you the rundown of their names as they arrived though the only one you could remember was Cale. He was a perpetually blushing 21-year-old named after a vegetable; how could you forget him?

“Do you think Nate’s upset about this one?” Cale asked. The new topic of conversation was their friends’ disastrous date since he texted to tell them he was broken up with and was on his way to them. “They were sort of serious.”

“We’re about to find out,” Gabe announced, nodding towards the entrance of the bar. Nate was on his way to the booth, tired smile on his lips. As he got closer, he started shaking his head and the table erupted in chirps at his expense.

You recognized him from earlier at the Landeskog’s pregame. He was slipping out of the front door as you stepped in. His cologne was the type the good-looking guys always wear, and you weren’t disappointed when you looked up at him. He was handsome with the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled to his elbows and the top three buttons undone, and when he smiled, you all but swallowed your tongue.

He began to greet his teammates. The chain around his neck caught the light of the DJ booth and you found yourself gazing at it. You tore your eyes away from the gold at the sound of Mel’s voice introducing you.

“This is my girlfriend, YN, from my Saturday morning Cycle class,” she said. “And, YN, this is my husband’s boyfriend, Nate MacKinnon.”

He threw his head back in a laugh at Mel’s joke as he extended a hand to you. “Nice to meet you.”

You listened to the quips from his teammates, each one with their own opinion about Nate’s relationship or lack thereof. It seemed like this wasn’t the first time in recent months that he’d been broken up and it had become somewhat of a spectacle to the boys. Mel, who’d seen this song and dance one too many times, wrapped her fingers around your elbow and tugged you with her towards the bar.

“What was that about?”

“Nate can’t hold down a girlfriend,” she explained. “It’s been a joke since he first came here because they almost all have the same issue with him.”

“And what is that?”

“He’s not romantic enough.”

You glanced back over your shoulder and watched the boys laughing amongst each other. It looked like they were celebrating as they lifted their beers in a sad looking toast, and it hit you right where it hurt.

You really saw your ex-boyfriend in the group now and, though you tried not to make assumptions, you found it hard to set the first impression aside. The liquor in your system didn’t help. With each joke about his dating misadventures, you became less of a fan of him and by the end of the night you were bubbling over in annoyance.

Gabe and Mel offered Nate a ride home towards the end of the night and you managed to keep your expression neutral when he accepted. As they headed out to grab the car, you and Nate waited at the curb several feet away from each other.

“I’m sorry about your break up,” you offered after a moment of silence. The statement came out more like a question and Nate’s lips quirked up into a smirk at the inflection of your voice. “Sorry, I just can’t tell if you’re upset or not, so I don’t know if I should even offer my condolences.”

“I’m, uh, I’m not upset,” he began. “I saw it coming.”

“How so?”

“Let’s just say this isn’t the first time a girl’s broken up with me for not being romantic enough,” he said. Thoughts were filling your head faster than you could make sense of them. There was no reason for the situation to annoy you as much as it did. You didn’t know this guy and the odds that you ever saw him again were slim.

“So, if it’s not the first time, why hasn’t anything changed?”

“Excuse me?” he asked. There was a crease between his eyebrows. He hadn’t been expecting you to respond like that. You shouldn’t have. It wasn’t your business

“I mean, you act like a martyr when you probably would be successful in love if you just put in the romantic effort these girls are craving,” you said. Your anger had begun to boil over and words were spilling from your mouth faster than you could stop them. “Guys like you are the worst. You lead girls on and make them think they’re special. Next thing they know, they’ve been wasting time on you and your lack of effort.”

The comment made Nate take a step away from you. His eyebrows drew together in shock and confusion. As you spoke, he turned his body to you and crossed his arms over his chest. The moment you closed your mouth, he interjected. “You don’t even know me.”

“I don’t have to,” you argued, turning to him. You were in a stand-off with a man several inches taller than you, and to any passerby it probably looked a little bit funny, but you weren’t backing down. “I know guys like you. I’ve dated guys like you.”

Before Nate could continue arguing, the Landeskogs pulled up to the curb. Mel hollered out for you two and the topic of conversation was dropped.

---

You regretted everything you said to Nate the moment you woke up the morning after. It wasn’t like you to be so rude, especially not to someone you didn’t know. Your heart stopped every time Mel texted you in the days following. You thought that at any moment she’d confront you about what you said to him, but it never came. As the week carried on, you found yourself forgetting the harsh words spoken outside the bar and the worry stopped.

Until Thursday night.

The knock at your apartment door was unexpected. You met your roommate, Mara’s, narrowed eyes over the dirty dishes you were working on. By the look on both your faces, neither one of you had a guest on the way over. She turned on her heel to check the peephole and the next look she gave you was equally as confusing as the previous one. She still opened the door.

“Does YN live here?”

The voice sent shockwaves through your veins and you stopped your movements, plates held just above your head as you were about to slide them into the cabinet. Nate MacKinnon was at your apartment. Mara nodded at him slowly before stepping back to let him in.

“Hi,” he greeted. His hands were tucked into his sweatshirt pocket, legs clad in compression leggings and a pair of shorts. He looked like he’d just come from a workout and his hair was still wet from the shower he’d taken before coming over. “I hope you don’t mind. Gabe gave me your address.”

“No problem,” you told him through a shaky breath. “Come in. Come sit at the island.”

He removed his shoes and approached slowly, sending Mara one last smile as she crept off down the hall. You silently cursed her for leaving you with your shaking hands as you cleared the clutter from the countertop. You watched him as he settled into the stool across from you, mirroring the kind smile he was sharing with you.

“Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? I have food, too, if you’re hungry.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he said. His voice was softer now than it had been before. “I wanted to talk to you about the other night. It won’t take long.”

“Oh?” you asked, trying to ignore the way your stomach dropped. You wanted to start apologizing right then. You didn’t have a reason to go and butt into his personal life like you had. You should’ve kept your mouth shut. Guys like him didn’t care about your opinions. “I’m sorry for what I said. When I get drunk, I have the tendency to shoot off at the mouth.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said. Your mouth snapped shut. “No one keeps me in check. All the guys think the fact that I can’t keep a girlfriend is a big joke because I’m so bad at dating. It shouldn’t be a joke. So, I’m sorry and thank you.”

You dropped your hands to the counter and leaned against it. The last thing you expected was for Nate to thank you, so you needed a moment to gather your thoughts. His eyes glistened as he watched you and then the corner of his lip quirked up because you started giggling.

“You should not be thanking me,” you said. With that simple statement, the tension in the air lifted. You turned your back on him, indicating that if the conversation must go on, you were going to be doing the dishes as well. “I was just being bitter the other night.”

“You had every right to be,” he said. “I was gloating.”

“You were kind of gloating,” you mumbled. You hadn’t meant for Nate to hear, and he knew that, but he laughed anyway. You turned to face him with an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” he said. He didn’t even know why you were apologizing at that point. It seemed like you’d apologize for taking up space and that made him feel a bit sad. He smiled politely at you anyway, to signal he wasn’t annoyed by the apologies, and it lit up his features in a way you hadn’t noticed the other night. “Anyway, I came here for a reason.”

“Okay.”

“I need you to teach me to be romantic.”

He delivered it tentatively, as though he was afraid of the way you might react. In the split second that followed, your mouth open and closed twice as every possible response came to your mind. He waited patiently.

Finally, “You don’t even know me. How can you be so sure that I’m the right person to teach you this stuff?”

“You’re a girl,” he explained, deadpan. “Girls know romance.” You snorted at how adorably dumb he was. Your hand flew up to cover your mouth in embarrassment and your cheeks burned as he grinned at you, amused by the sound of your laugh. “What do you say?”

---

Mondays were always your least favorite day of the week. Every weekend, your workload piled up and most Mondays you could hardly take a lunch break because you were so busy getting shit done. Whenever you came home from work on Mondays, you were wiped. Mara always made sure to have dinner ready for you when you got in, and the two of you often sat on the couch while eating those nights.

That Monday, you were sure that you’d be in bed before the Bachelor even started. But then Nate showed up unannounced. Mara was in the middle of washing the dishes this time, so you were the one to open the door. He greeted you with a goofy smile and a large electrical wire. Without a word, you stepped to the side and he was kicking off his shoes to enter the living room. Mara caught the roll of your eyes as you followed him.

He was standing beside the television when you entered the room. The wire he’d brought with him was connected to his cellphone while he found a port for the other end. You sat at the corner of sectional and waited, yawns escaping your mouth every minute or so. The day had been long enough already.

Suddenly, the television lit up with his cellphone background on full display. He held it up to show you, a grin present on his face.

“I need your help,” he began. He tapped one of the dating apps on his home screen and immediately you were regretting letting him in. You realized he wasn’t leaving any time soon as he unraveled the cord and plopped down beside you on the couch. Mara entered the room, eyes catching on the beautiful brunette woman on the screen, and then she gave Nate a curious look. “Come on, Mara. Join us.”

An amused smile came to her lips as she sat on the other end of the couch.

“I am not swiping for you,” you grunted, rubbing at your eyes. “I have no interest in judging girls off these apps.”

“Relax, YN,” he said. “I’m not asking you to play matchmaker. Just help me talk to this girl.”

“You need help talking to girls?” Mara asked as she gave him the once over. You laughed out loud while Nate blushed.

“I don’t need help,” he began. He turned his attention back to the television and pulled up the profile of a beautiful brunette woman. “I just don’t want to come on too strong, or douche-y. This girl is perfect and I wanna take her out.”

“Can you two make this quick?” Mara asked. “The Bachelor’s on tonight.”

“And my bed is calling my name.”

Nate peered at you over his shoulder. He smiled at your tired eyes, drooping as you leaned your head on your hand. He leaned back, stopping inches from your face and said, “I’ll make it quick.”

To your surprise, and Mara’s delight, he reached up and ran his hand over your hair before turning back to the television. He gave a rundown about the girl on the television, but his words went in one ear and out the other. Your glazed eyes watched as he typed out messages to her, and you laughed when Mara made fun of the way he was talking. (“Why the fuck are you talking like that? Are you her father?”) Finally, he turned on you.

“Are you gonna help or what, love doctor?”

“Give me the phone,” you said, extending your hand. He plopped it into your palm and watched you type out the message on the television screen. It took you less than a minute to type out a sweet message asking the girl out on a date before you were shoving the phone back into his hand. “You overthink too much.”

“That’s it?”

“Short and sweet,” you noted with a shrug. “I’d say yes.”

Nate’s eyes cut to you and you felt a chill run down your spine at the intensity behind them. Mara cleared her throat as you diverted your attention from him, shaking the feeling you got from his baby blues. She smiled sweetly at the two of you. “Can I detach your phone from our TV now? It’s almost time for Bach.”

You peeled yourself off the couch and headed to the bathroom to wash your face before changing into sweats and a t-shirt. You returned to the living room to find Nate with his feet up on the coffee table. Mara had tuned the television to ABC and the Bachelor recap was playing. He looked up as you entered and frowned.

“Stay out here a little bit longer,” he proposed, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “We’ll watch some of this and see if she says yes to the date.”

“Nate, I’m exhausted.”

“C’mon.”

You couldn’t say no, not when he was pouting like that. So, you rolled your eyes and walked around the couch to plop down in the spot you’d been before. Before long, your eyes were closing and you couldn’t keep them open any longer.

Nate didn’t realize you fell asleep, but he didn’t mind when you leaned against his arm as a pillow. He stiffened for a moment, unsure of what to do, but a soft snore escaped your lips and he found himself smiling down at your peaceful face. He didn’t move for the rest of the episode because he was too nervous to wake you. When the credits began to roll, he dropped a hand to your knee and shook you lightly.

Your eyes opened, bleary from sleep, and you found that you’d fallen asleep on him. You jerked away, realizing that it was probably too close for comfort, and smiled apologetically. He returned the smile before standing and gathering his things from the coffee table.

“Get some sleep,” he said on his way to the front door. You hummed in response, following him to the door to say a proper goodbye and lock up. He pulled you into a hug before going, shocking you once again by with how gentle he was despite hardly knowing you.

“Did she say yes?” you asked as he pulled away from the hug. “I almost forgot to ask.”

“Yeah, she did.”

---

Lesson #1: The First Date

In the chaos of the week that followed, you’d almost forgotten that you promised Nate your assistance before the date. You weren’t used to being accountable for someone else like you were now, so it wasn’t surprising.

“There is a man at reception asking for you.”

The office receptionist, Debby, was standing in the doorway with a giddy smile on her lips. You knew immediately from the look in her eye that the man at the front desk was going to be the talk of the office for a week.

You stood, following her out the door of your office and down the hall. As you rounded the corner to reception, you saw Nate leaning against the desk. He was sucking on a mint from the bowl in front of him and smiled wide when he saw you.

“What are you doing here?”

“I have my date tonight, remember?” he asked. One glance at your watch told you that you worked a little too late. You cursed under your breath, turning quickly to head back to the office and send one last email. Nate hesitated, but ultimately decided to follow you down the hallway. He eyed the pencil skirt you were wearing, eyes lingering a little too long on your ass. He shook his head from his trance, knowing damn well that he was just asking for trouble.

Nate lingered in the doorway of your office for a moment before his eyes landed on a picture frame across the room that caught his attention. It was a marble frame without a photo like it had been removed and never replaced. He picked the frame up and turned it over in his hands, then turned to you.

“You need a picture.”

“What?” you asked, eyes still trained on the screen. They flickered up to see what he was talking about and then got right back to work. “Used to be a picture of me and my ex. Nobody’s important enough to put in.”

Nate placed the frame down. He felt a pang of sadness for you in that moment, but distracted himself by moving onto the next shelf and playing with some of the desk games on it. He was in the middle of fiddling with your Rubiks cube when you stood from the computer.

“You’re wearing that?” you asked. Nate winced at the question, glancing down at the jeans and t-shirt he was wearing. When he looked back up, you were wearing a shit eating grin. “I’m fucking with you.”

“Jesus, YN.” He clutched his heart and released a deep breath. You rounded the desk and grabbed your jacket from the hook. As you swung it over your shoulders, Nate stepped up to help. You slipped your arms through the arm holes trying to suppress the flair up of butterflies in your stomach.

When you reached the sidewalk outside the building, you led him down the block to a florist. Their window displays were your favorite in the city and you often found yourself going out of the way to peak at them on shitty days. You daydreamed about the day someone bought you a bouquet from there specifically.

The bell above the door rang as you stepped in. The smell of fresh flowers hit your nose and you sniffed it in happily. You grinned back at Nate and he felt a tug at his heart at your excitement.

“Can I help you?”

You bounded over to the woman behind the counter, Nate following behind you a little awkwardly. You gave him an expectant look and then his brain finally caught up with the question. As he leaned forward to look at the flowers in the case in front of you, his hand pressed against the small of your back.

“What would you get?” he asked curiously. You took a sharp intake of breath at the lack of space between you and pulled away to look at the flowers.

“Sunflowers and baby’s breath are my favorites.”

Nate smiled at the woman behind the counter and repeated what you’d just said, adding, “It’s for a first date, so I don’t need it too big or anything.”

You laughed at his explanation, and then the blush that come to his cheeks when he realized how silly he sounded. Neither of you noticed the confused look on the florist’s face. She was about to comment on how cute the two of you were, and in hindsight she was glad she kept her mouth shut. He reached out and squeezed your arm as a warning to stop teasing him. You stepped away completely, still smiling stupidly as he turned to pay.

“I’d’ve put roses in there too,” you told him once you were back on the sidewalk. “But this is only a first date. It might’ve been a little intense.”

“Roses?” he asked. You hummed in response, plucking the flowers out of his hand as you continued in the direction of the restaurant he was meeting his date at. “Good to know, you know, for the future.”

The walk to the date spot was only about ten minutes long and most of it was spent talking about your plans for the weekend as opposed to his date. He was going to be away with the team and you had plans to visit family. You kept thinking to yourself that you needed to stop getting distracted by him and his good looks and his sweet disposition. He was dating someone, and that person was not and would not be you, but he kept surprising you with the way he weaseled himself into your life.

“We’ll have to hang out next week sometime, then,” he said, snatching the flowers back out of your hand playfully. You nodded, but you were taken by surprise. It didn’t make sense that he’d want to hang around you without getting something out of it, whether it was dating advice or something more. Clearly, Nate didn’t care and you were beginning to wonder if maybe you’d get a beautiful friendship out of this nonsense.

“Any last-minute advice?”

“Don’t say anything dumb,” you said to him, emboldened by the realization that you might actually be friends now. Nate laughed out loud. “You think I’m just being funny, but sometimes you say stupid shit.”

“Jeeze,” he muttered. “Way to fuck up my self-esteem right before a date.”

“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes and came to a stop just before the crosswalk he’d be using. He slowed to a stop as well, the bouquet of flowers falling to his side as he looked down at you. You reached out to right them with an amused smile. “Careful with these.”

“Got it, boss.”

You stalled a moment more, gazing at the flowers. You almost felt jealous of the girl going to dinner with Nate because those flowers would look perfect in a vase on your dining room table. “God, I really hope she appreciates those.”

The tone of your voice took Nate by surprise. It sounded a little sad, and full of yearning, and he felt kind of bad that he’d be walking away with the flowers you’d been admiring the entire walk from the florist. Even so, you said your goodbyes and he watched you turn on your heel to head home. He felt stuck in place, eyes trained on your retreating frame while his feet were cemented to the sidewalk. Before he could second guess himself, and his motives, he called out your name.

“Wait, YN!” When you turned, he was halfway down the sidewalk to you and, once he was within arm’s length, he plucked a sunflower from the bouquet and extended it. “For you.” Your cheeks felt red hot as your fingers curled around the stem. You hoped he couldn’t notice a blush. If he did, he didn’t make it known and left with a simple, “I’ll talk to you later.”

A stupid smile sat on your lips the entire way home. You felt the thumping of your heart long after you’d entered your place and placed the flower in the dining table vase. No matter what you found yourself doing that night, Nate remained at the back of your mind. You swore to yourself that it was because you wondered how his date was going, nothing more. But, when your eyes kept finding their way to the sunflower on the dining room table, you worried that maybe the reason you couldn’t stop thinking about him was something more.

---

You grabbed dinner with Mel the next Tuesday. Because of your trip to visit family, the two of you agreed to take a week off and reschedule some sort of get together for Tuesday. Gabe was home so he’d be with Linnea, and you were just happy that it wasn’t Monday. She was in the middle of a story when your phone lit up beside you; Nate’s name was on full display.

When’s our next lesson?

You snatched the phone off the table and away from Mel’s prying eyes, hoping that it wouldn’t peak her curiosity. The movement itself was enough to stir her, though, and Mel was soon leaning forward to see what was going on. She reached out and pushed the phone down, craning her neck to read the text.

“Next lesson?” she asked, eyebrow quirking. “Who is this?”

“It’s Nate MacKinnon.”

You said it so quickly and so nonchalant that Mel actually continued picking at her brunch before she reacted. Her fork clattered to the plate. “Did you just say Nate MacKinnon?”

“This,” you began gesturing at her wild eyes and wicked smile, “is exactly why I didn’t tell you.”

“Why?” she asked, feigning innocence. “Because I’m totally going to take this and run with it?” You dropped your face in your hands. “You should go for it. He’s a little dumb, but mostly cute. You definitely have the patience to deal with him though.”

“Mel, it’s not like that at all,” you told her. “I’m helping him learn how to be more romantic.” Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline in shock. “I’m serious. You know just as well as I do that he’s bad dating. He asked for my help after we met. I have enough experience with douchebags to tell him what not to do.”

“You sure do,” Mel agreed. You laughed at her response and an easy smile spread across her face. “Maybe teaching him a thing or two about how to be romantic will remind you of what you deserve.”

You sighed, picking up the coffee in front of you to take a sip. Mel knew better than anyone, besides Mara, how shitty the guys in your life had been. She met your ex last year just before your break up and she hated him from the moment you introduced the two. He never deserved you and her heart broke the longer you spent wasting your time on him. When you finally ended it, she was your biggest supporter.

You left the message unanswered, not wanting to give her anymore ammo in what was sure to be her new mission. When she got up to head to the bathroom before the check came, you opened the message from him. The last conversation was from Saturday night and he was letting you know that the girl he’d gone out with was looking forward to their next date.

What do you need help with now?

Do you know how to cook?

---

Lesson #2: A Homemade Meal

“I can’t believe you don’t know how to cook,” you grunted as soon as Nate pulled his apartment door open on Friday night. The grin on his face was anything but apologetic and you pushed past him with two large grocery bags in hand. You brought them to the kitchen and began unpacking them onto the counter.

“I do know how to cook, by the way,” he said, stepping up beside you to help you remove everything from the bags. You eyed him skeptically. “Mostly just the basic meats and vegetables.”

“You can’t cook a date your pregame meal.”

Nate knew that. He wasn’t that stupid, but he did love saying stupid shit around you. You tended to roll your eyes at him, but your lips always gave away how you really felt about his stupidity. The right side always curled up into a smirk, like you were trying to fight the laughter bubbling in your chest. He loved it when you did that.

“Is this, like, a meal your ex used to make?” he asked after grabbing some spices from the cabinet. You were grateful that his back was turned because the easy smile on your lips disappeared at the reminder of him. You busied yourself with the pot of water on the stove and set it to boil.

“No, my ex never actually made dinner for me,” you answered in a poor attempt to keep your voice steady.

Nate stopped prepping the meat and turned to face you. Questions sat on the tip of his tongue, begging for him to ask, but you wouldn’t look at him. He felt a little bit angry at your confession, though he couldn’t quite place why. Admittedly, he had been that boyfriend before – the one that didn’t cook dinner. Now, he was mad at himself for ever being that guy.

When you didn’t turn to look at him, he dropped the subject. You worked in silence, you busy with the pasta and him with the chicken. As you waited for the food to be ready, you hiked yourself up onto the counter. Nate grabbed a bottle of red wine from the end of the counter and poured glasses for the both of you.

He stood across from you with a dish towel over his shoulder and his own glass of wine in his palm. He asked about work and you filled him in on all the hot office gossip. The smile on his face didn’t fall once as he listened to your stories, and he never tried to change the subject or take over the conversation for himself. After a while, you stopped.

“I’ve been talking forever.”

“Yeah, and I’ve been enjoying it,” he told you. You laughed. “I wish I could be a fly on the wall in your office.”

Feeling a bit bolder, you kicked your foot out and nudged his side. “Maybe I can take you to bring your pet to work day.”

Nate’s jaw dropped, a reaction you weren’t expecting, and you began laughing hysterically at his surprise. He placed his wine glass down beside him and took a step closer, wrapping a hand around your ankle to tug you closer to the edge of the counter. You yelped in surprise.

“Pet?” he asked. You wiggled your foot out of his grasp, giggles falling from your lips as he dropped his hand to his side. The oven started beeping, interrupting whatever moment you were having before it could continue. “Saved by the bell.”

“Looks good, Nate,” you praised as he pulled it out of the oven. “My mouth is watering.”

“Go sit down,” he ordered. “You have to evaluate my presentation and make sure I look good.”

Nate entered shortly after you sat down and placed the plates on either side of the table with a smile. He slipped back out and returned with the wine. There was mischievous glint in his eyes as he topped your glass off and added to his.

“How is it?” he asked, leaning back. A look of cockiness flashed over his features and you felt it in your stomach when you looked at the way his arms were crossed and his biceps filled out the sleeves of his t-shirt. You picked up your utensils and cut into the meal, picking up a bit of each piece before putting it in your mouth.

Nate leaned forward eagerly. He watched your eyes light up when the flavor hit your tongue and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. You nodded emphatically as you swallowed your first forkful. He cut into his own meal and the moment he took a bite, he moaned. The meal was so good that conversation was sparse and, by the end, it looked like your plates had been licked clean.

You didn’t stop Nate from filling your glasses again, though you figured you should have. The third glass always lowered your inhibitions.

“How pissed off would you be if I asked you about your ex?”

“Not pissed off,” you answered. You took a sip of the wine, then leaned your cheek in your palm as you spoke. “What do you want to know?”

Nate sat up at this, suddenly realizing that he hadn’t prepared himself with a question because he didn’t think you’d give him the go ahead. He let out a tuft of breath, took a sip from his glass, and thought. Finally, he asked, “Why’d you break up?”

“How long do you have?”

“As long as you need,” he answered. His voice was soft, comforting, and you felt yourself relax into the question.

“Honestly, I didn’t want to break up with him,” you began. “And, if I didn’t have friends like Mel and Mara, I might still be with him. Things have changed now, though. I realize what a crap human being he was but, if I stayed with him, I don’t think I would’ve realized how much better I deserved.”

“Did you fight a lot?”

“Do I seem like the fighting type?” you teased. He shook his head. “He did enough fighting for the both of us. He would yell at me for no reason sometimes, just because he felt like it.”

Nate was angry. His features were contorted in distaste as you told him about your ex. Even though you tried to make light of the situation with a few light-hearted jokes, Nate couldn’t find it within in him to react with laughter. You deserved so much better than what you’d been given.

“When I broke up with him, Mara was there. We packed my things and moved it all out. I was going to leave a note, but he came home from work early and caused a scene. He went out the night after and sent me all these videos and pictures of him out with his friends. They were flipping me off, girls were draped all over him, etcetera. I blocked him the next morning and I haven’t seen him since. That was over a year ago.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, dropping his head in his hands. He felt ashamed. “That’s why you yelled at me.”

“Yep,” you answered. “Emotions got the best of me.”

“I don’t blame you.”

Silence filled the room and you felt vulnerable. You didn’t share the story about your tumultuous relationship often, but with Nate it just slipped out. You grabbed your glass from the table and finished it off.

“I’m not staying for another,” you announced. Nate sat back, his face flashing with an offended expression. As you gathered the plates from the table, you tried to ignore the knots in your stomach that were becoming more and more prevalent when he was around. “Nothing good ever happens after the third glass. But, if I was your real date, I would definitely stay for a fourth and you would probably get to kiss me at the end of the night simply for how good that meal was.”

The words fell from your lips so easily that it shocked you and you hoped that the playful tone of your voice wouldn’t scare him off. You gathered yourself before turning back to look at him. He was still sitting at the table, chair pushed back with one arm over the back of it. The way he was looking at you was lethal, eyes drinking you in as you stood in his kitchen. You couldn’t tell if you were imagining the tension or it was real.

“Thank you for dinner,” you said finally. You grabbed your bag from the counter and pulled it over your shoulder as you headed for the door. Nate stood then to walk you out, pulling the door open as you slipped into your sneakers. “It was delicious.”

“Thank you for teaching me how to cook something actually good,” he said. “Poor girl would’ve been eating chicken and vegetables or pasta if you hadn’t come by.”

“Can’t let that happen, can we?” you asked. “Let me know how dinner goes.”

Nate leaned down, wrapping an arm around your waist to tug you into a warm embrace. You melted into his arms as yours came up and around his neck. For a moment, the two of you just stood there in each other’s arms. You wondered if he could feel the beat of your chest again him. It sped up as his hands flattened against your back, crossing over each other to engulf you completely.

“I’m not that kind of guy,” he said. He leaned his cheek on the top of your head and his chest rumbled beneath your own cheek as he spoke. “You know that, right?”

Your blinked away tears before he couldn’t notice then and nodded in response to his question.

When he pulled back, he leaned in to press a kiss to your cheek and his lips caught the corner of your mouth. An electric shock coursed through your bloodstream and you pulled back quick before offering one last smile and tossing a goodbye over your shoulder.

---

Nate called you the next Friday night with plans for Saturday.

“Mel and Gabe invited a bunch of the guys over and she told me I should see what you were doing tomorrow.” he said. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you much since last week. The guys would love to meet you.”

“Meet me?” you asked. “So, it’ll be more than just the ones I know?”

“A few more,” he answered with a laugh. “They’ll love you, okay? I’ll be at your place to get you at 5:30.”

It was the first time you were going to see him since you made dinner together last Friday. You exchanged a few texts throughout the week, but nothing of substance. You knew his dinner date went well, though you didn’t know to what extent. You found yourself wondering if she stayed for that additional glass of wine after dinner, or if she stayed for the night after.

He showed up to your apartment wearing a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows. You welcomed him in while you went back to your room to get your heels on. He gaped at the dress you were wearing as soon as you had your back to him. His eyes wandered over your curves as you bent to grab your heels from the floor in your bedroom. When your dress slid up your thighs, he had to force himself to look away.

You tried to get more details about his dinner date out of him on the way to Mel’s, but he kept quiet. She liked dinner, she stayed for an extra glass of wine, and then she went home at the end of the night. An invisible weight lifted from your shoulders upon hearing she didn’t stay the night and you settled back into his passenger seat.

Nate noticed the way you relaxed into the seat and tore his eyes from the road for just a moment to sneak a peek at you. You were watching the world go by from the window, unaware that he was even looking at you. When he turned his attention back to the road, all he could think about was his sweaty palms and accelerated heartrate. Why did he care so much about what you thought?

Everyone was already at the house when you pulled up. The two of you walked up the driveway, his hand against your lower back much like it had been in the florist. Mel opened the door, lunging to sweep you into her arms and whisk you to the kitchen, her husband and your, well, Nate left behind.

“Thanks for having me, Mel.”

She handed you a drink complete with a salted rim and said, “I’m glad Nate asked if you could come.”

“Nate asked?” you repeated. She affirmed with a nod and ushered you to join the others in the living room while she and Gabe finished dinner.

You swore half the team was there, which meant not one seat was open on their couch. As you passed Nate, he grabbed your hand and sat you on the arm of his chair. He pulled your legs over his lap and began introducing you to the boys you didn’t already know.

You caught Cale’s eyes and felt heat rise to your cheeks. Out of everyone in the room, he was the only one making note of the lack of space between you two. Though you weren’t technically sitting in his lap, it still felt a little inappropriate. Nate’s hand was like fire where it rested against your thigh and you had to remind yourself to stop peeking at the placement.

Nate lied about your invitation to dinner, and for what? He could’ve just invited you himself instead of disguising it as a joint decision between him and Mel. What was he so afraid of that he couldn’t man up and admit he wanted you there? Better yet, why didn’t he ask Gianna?

You somehow ended up seated away from Nate at the dinner table. Cale settled in on one side of you and EJ occupied the other. Across from you sat JT and Tyson, bickering as always. You don’t know how you ended up separated from Nate, but you welcomed it because you needed the breathing room.

The meal was delicious, but Nate couldn’t even enjoy it because you were so far away. He was going to get fucking whiplash because of the way he kept looking back to see who you were talking to or hear what you were laughing at. How did he even end up this far down from you?

On the other hand, he couldn’t stop the smile that kept creeping up to his lips when he saw you with his teammates. They loved you, probably almost as much as he did, and he was proud to have you by his side that night. But then came the harsh reality that you weren’t actually his to show off.

When the party relocated, he made sure to slide up next to you on the way to the couch. EJ’s laughter mocked him, but you didn’t catch on to his teammate’s playful ribbing. With Gabe and Mel’s eyes in the room, he didn’t pull you over his lap and opted to lower his arm over the back of the couch instead. There were just inches between your skin and his but, after having you on his lap earlier, it felt like miles.

Drinking games were played, stories were shared, and you all left the house with full bellies and large smiles. Nate was driving, so he eased up on the drinks after dinner. You, on the other hand, were feeling just as free as you did after three glasses of wine at his place last week, and feeling daring enough to ask him the question that’s been on your mind all night.

“Why did you tell me that Mel asked you to invite me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“When you invited me, you said that Mel told you to,” you explained in a slow voice as if you were breaking the situation down to a child. “But she said that you asked if you could invite me.”

“Why does it matter where the invite actually came from?” he asked. A slight panic was rising in his chest because he didn’t have an answer for you. This wasn’t supposed to come back around to you. “Everybody wanted you here anyway.”

“Why didn’t you ask Gianna?” you asked, stepping down to join him on the path to the driveway. He rolled his eyes at this, and you noted it because though you’d done it to him many times, he’d never done it to you. He began walking, so you followed. “Are you going to answer my question?”

“Because I didn’t want to introduce her to everyone yet,” he answered. “You just fit in with us.”

Nate saw your face fall and decided not to push the conversation any farther. He said something wrong, but he didn’t know what. As far as he thought, he was complimenting you. He was complimenting how easy going you were, how his friends got along with you so easily. You were already a part of the group. It was great.

You continued along to the car in silence, not bothering to argue with him over a dumb comment. He wanted friends, so you were giving him friends, but the touches and the invite to team dinner was something more than friends. You needed distance. And he needed to figure his shit out, fast.

---

Lesson #3: Meeting the Friends

Something changed. When Nate dropped you off that night, he left you with a half-assed hug and a quiet goodbye. You couldn’t catch a wink of sleep that night because something changed. But then, Nate texted you tomorrow and tried to carry on as normal. Things weren’t normal.

And you knew that for sure when Nate didn’t invite you to EJ’s house the next weekend. Mel invited you instead and since you could never say no to Mel, you went. The thought of texting Nate to let him know passed briefly through your head, but the sheer fact that he hadn’t even bothered to talk to you about it in the first place was enough to decide against it.

When you entered EJ’s living room, you knew exactly why he hadn’t asked. Gianna was sitting on his lap, fingers curling through his hair as they talked. Anger rose in you no matter how hard you tried to suppress it. Just last week he said he didn’t want to bring her around and now she was here? Now she was here and he couldn’t even talk to you?

There was an uproar as Nate’s teammates noticed you standing in the doorway and Nate’s eyes cut to you in surprise. You lifted your hand in a pathetic wave before Cale was wrapping his arm around your shoulders and leading you to the kitchen.

“Who’s the girl with Nate?”

“His new girlfriend,” you answered, hoping that you didn’t sound bitter. “I don’t even know if that’s the right title for her, but they’ve been on a few dates.”

Cale let out a soft hum, his tone indecipherable, just as Tyson entered the room.

“What’s the deal with Nate’s new girl?” he asked as soon as he saw it was just you and Cale in the room. When you didn’t answer, he nudged you for an answer.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“Well, she’s no you.”

---

Nate couldn’t help but ask himself, “What the fuck are you doing?”

As you were pulled into his teammates arms, he watched and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to get up and hug you too or if he just wanted to disappear. When Gianna’s fingers gripped his bicep, he decided he wanted the latter.

That’s when you looked at him, of course, and the smile that was on yours lips faded just a bit. At least, that’s what he thought. You lifted your hand in a wave before Cale was looping his arm around your shoulders and directing you towards the kitchen.

“Who was that?” Gianna asked, fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck.

He looked up at her with a simple answer. “One of our friends.”

Gianna kissed him and for the first time since he met you, Nate thought about what it would be like to kiss you instead. He brought her to EJ’s in a pathetic attempt to right the way he was feeling about you, but it only made it worse.

---

“Nate was weird last night,” Mel murmured after Cycle the next morning. You were waiting for her to say something. Since all the guys made comments the night before, you knew Mel was next. “Did you guys fight?”

“Fight? Me and Nate?” you repeated, stalling for time. “We didn’t fight.”

“What did you think of his girlfriend?”

“I actually didn’t get to talk to her,” you answered. You shrugged, giving the illusion that you didn’t care all that much even though you were fuming. After all the help you’d given him, he couldn’t be bothered to introduce you to her? And that wasn’t all. He hardly spoke to you all night, only entertaining conversations with you when someone else was around. You ended up spending most of the night with EJ.

“My sitter just bailed for tomorrow.” She’d been tapping away at her phone for a few minutes, no doubt panicking to Gabe. You watched her a moment longer as you wondered what her plans were for the next day. Then, it occurred to you.

“There’s a game tomorrow, right?” you asked. She nodded, still typing out messages to whoever was on the other end of the phone. “I can watch Linnea tomorrow. Don’t worry about finding a sitter.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.” She waved you off absentmindedly and continued talking, “Besides, I thought Nate had a ticket for you or something. Didn’t he ask you to go?”

“Tomorrow?” you said incredulously. “No, absolutely not. Isn’t it like a WAG game? It would make no sense for me to be there.”

“Oh,” she murmured. “I just thought that he told Gabe,” she paused and noticed your set jaw. You were clearly not Nate’s biggest fan at the moment, so she decided to tread carefully. “You know what? Nevermind. I would love it if you could watch Linnea.”

---

As expected, Linnea was an angel the next day. You spent the time lounging in their living room with the game on TV while you played together. She took a bottle in the middle of the game and you brought her to her nursery once she’d been burped to rock her to sleep. But, you couldn’t quite peel yourself from the chair to put her in her crib. She was sleeping so peacefully and for the first time in a while you felt calm, so you stayed with her in your arms long after she’d fallen asleep.

You didn’t know what time it was when Gabe and Mel got home, but you heard their car doors close. You waited for them to happen upon you in the nursery, so you were surprised when it was Nate that knocked at the door.

“Hi,” he whispered, stepping into the room. He studied the decorations as he approached the rocking chair you were sitting in. When he stepped up beside you and admired Linnea, you tried not to look up at him. You knew it wouldn’t help the butterflies in your stomach, but you did it anyway. He was smiling down at the peanut in your arms. “Mel and Gabe are in the kitchen. They saw you on the baby monitor and told me to come get you.”

“Okay, I’ll put her down and meet you in there.”

“I can wait for you,” he said, stepping away. You stood, cradling Linnea to the crib and then craning to put her down in the center. Nate was watching you intently from the doorway with an unreadable expression on his face.

He stepped out into the hallway first, but he wasn’t walking towards the kitchen. He stood, waiting for you to stepped out into the hallway and look at him. You gave him a half-assed smile, still feeling a little hurt that things had been so weird between you two, and he asked, “Are we okay?”

“We’re fine,” you answered. He wasn’t convinced, but you reached up and shoved him lightly to get him to move down the hall. He didn’t budge, hand coming up to grasp yours against his chest. The beating of his heart sat right at your fingertips. “How was your game?”

“It was good,” he answered. “I wish you were there.”

“Well, then, you should’ve asked me to come,” you said, quite boldly. His lips parted, but whether it was to speak or not you wouldn’t know because you were continuing down the hallway without him.

You slipped into the kitchen to find Mel, leaving the men on the couch in the living room. The moment you stepped in, she was turning to greet you with a smile. You hissed, “Are you behind this?”

“I mentioned you were babysitting, his eyes lit up, and Gabe was the one to invite him over.”

“Team effort?”

She feigned an apologetic smile before ushering you out to rejoin the boys. Gabe got the fire going and Mel curled in his chest once he settled back on the couch. You sat on the other end, legs extended towards Nate in the corner. You felt his eyes whenever there was a suspended silence. You knew he was thinking about you, and selfishly you relished in the attention.

“YN, did you know that Nate’s parents were visiting next weekend?” Gabe asked during a lull in conversation. Nate glared at him, but the Swede happily ignored his buddy at the center of the couch. His eyes cut to you.

“I didn’t,” you answered. “But that’ll be fun. I know how much you missed them.”

All he could offer was a stupid ‘yeah’ before Mel swooped in to save the entire group from a very awkward moment.

Nate was going to kill Gabe. He was going to kill Gabe, but first he had to make a decision. He knew exactly what he had to do. It felt like you were a thousand miles away, not only physically but emotionally. Gabe should’ve kept his mouth shut. He was going to have you meet his parents, he just hadn’t gotten the chance to ask. Now, he looked like a dick. You couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“I was going to tell you about my parents,” he said, practically chasing you down the driveway after you ducked out while he was in the bathroom. To his surprise, you stopped walking and waited for him to catch up. “Seriously.”

“It’s getting hard to believe that, Nate,” you said. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head.”

Nate felt his heart sink. He began to rack his brain for a way to salvage the conversation, but it was too late by the time you reached your car. You stopped before opening the door to look up at him.

“You’re thinking too much.”

“I just—I know you’re upset with me,” he began. “I want to make it better. We haven’t really talked since EJ’s, and that’s on me.”

“Were you going to invite me today?” you asked. He gave you a curious look. “To the game. Mel mentioned something about it at Cycle. That you told Gabe you were thinking about giving your ticket to me.”

Nate ran his hand over his face. The Landeskogs had really gotten him into some trouble here, and he wasn’t sure it was accidental.

“You’re the one I wanted at the game,” he admitted. “I wanted to invite you, but I knew how bad it would look if I didn’t ask Gianna.”

“So, you invited her,” you concluded.

“No.”

You looked at him in shock, mouth agape, and asked, “You’d rather no one go than give the ticket to her?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” he grumbled. You threw your arms up in surrender, hoping the words would sink in. “I don’t know, YN.”

“Yes, you do,” you argued. He kept his mouth shut at that, knowing you had enough. You sighed heavily, allowing the conversation to roll off your back. “When are your parents going to be here?”

“Saturday morning.”

“What are you planning to do?”

“They’ll be at my game in the afternoon and then I was getting us a reservation for dinner,” he trailed off only momentarily. “I haven’t made it yet because I was going to invite you, but Gabe beat me to the punch in there.”

“What about Gianna?”

“YN, if I didn’t want her at my game, why would I want her to meet my parents?” he asked. He made it sound like you were asking the stupidest question in the world. But, he wasn’t answering the most important one. Was he breaking up with her? You wanted to ask, but part of you didn’t want the disappointment. He worried while you thought.

“I’m around on Saturday,” you answered. He smiled, and you forced one back. You hated the feeling between you two. The air between you had never been so stuffy and you wanted to clear it. “Anything else you wanna tell me before the Landeskogs do? Is Sid actually your long-distance girlfriend?”

Nate laughed loudly as he stepped away. He answered your question cryptically, “No, nothing to tell you right now. Not yet.”

---

Lesson #4: Meeting the Family

You planned to meet Nate at his apartment before dinner since his parents had gone to the hotel upon arrival. On the way, you picked up a box of pastries from your favorite bakery. You were taught to do little things for important people, and anyone who was important to Nate felt important to you. You tried not to think about the implications of having dinner with his parents, but it was hard to shake the nerves.

“What’s this?” he asked as soon as he opened the door. His finger slid over the logo on the top of the pastry box, eyes catching on the word bakery. When he looked up at you, his eyes were shining. “For me?”

“For your family,” you told him. “Don’t get any ideas.”

“I thought maybe you heard about my break up and you were trying to comfort me,” he said like it wasn’t breaking news. “I’ll put these in the kitchen.”

“You broke up?” you asked, following him to the kitchen. You stopped in the doorway as he put the pastries on the counter. He nodded simply as he cleared some clutter from the countertop. You could see his muscles moving beneath his navy polo. Guiltily, you couldn’t stop yourself from admiring the way the sleeves hugged his biceps or the wide expanse of his back and shoulders. “What happened, Nate?”

“We can talk about it later, alright?”

“Are you single or not?” you asked. Nate caught the frustration in your tone and he’d be lying if it didn’t make him want to kiss you right then. You needed to know what was going on with him, and that made him feel good about whatever was going on between you two.

Nate started to exit the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway beside you. You were crowded against his chest as he smiled down at you and answered, “Yeah, I’m single.”

You released a breath once he stepped out of the doorway. He slipped his shoes on while you stood nearly the front door. He caught the look on your face, a little scrunched up as you spaced out. You were thinking too much, worrying about what happened with him and Gianna. When he walked back over to the front door, he took you by the hips and said, “We can talk about it later, if you want. Right now, I just want to be with you and my family.”

---

“I’m nervous,” you admitted as Nate pulled up to valet outside the restaurant. He looked at you in shock. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not gonna make fun of you,” he promised. He reached over and dropped his hand to your thigh. You pouted at him, and his first instinct was to lean over the center console and kiss it off your lips. He knew better than to risk it all just before dinner, so he grabbed your hand and dropped a kiss to your palm instead. “You’ll be fine. No need to be nervous.”

A heavy sigh left your lips as he stepped out of the car. He rounded the front and opened the passenger door for you, grabbing your hand as you stepped out. After he handed his key to the valet, he laced his hands in yours and led you into the restaurant.

The MacKinnons were already at the table that had been reserved for them. There was uproar of cheers when they saw Nate walk in. You stole a peek at his face and the pure joy on it set your heart aflame. He dropped your hand as you approached the table to hug his parents and sister. They introduced themselves to you as well, sweeping you up in tight embraces like they had with Nate.

“It’s great to finally meet you,” they spoke as they hugged you.

Nate pulled your chair out from across his mother and then situated himself beside you. The menus were passed out and Nate whispered suggestions in your ear while his family members debated their own meals. She took the time to calm her nervous. Parents loved her, so there was no reason to freak out. Eventually the drinks were handed out, orders were taken, and the chaos at the table stopped.

“Now, how’d you two meet again?” his mom asked. You looked at each other, stupidly, both stammering in response until Nate got his shit together.

“We met through friends,” he answered simply. Then, his lips curled up and he said, “She yelled at me.” You dropped your face into your hands, embarrassed by the picture he was painting of you, but they took it in stride, laughing at your expression. “It wasn’t that bad.”

He continued, “As you guys know, I’ve been very unlucky in my personal life.” Sarah snorted at this. Their mother smacked her knee as a scolding. “I literally suck at being romantic and all the guys were joking around about it after I’d just been broken up with. YN called me out, so I asked her to teach me how to be romantic.”

“Well, what’d you learn?”

“How to cook a meal other than my pregame types, and I also have a new favorite florist,” he said. He reached into his back pocket for his wallet and flipped it open to slip out their business card. You didn’t realize he grabbed one. “There are some other things, like her wine rule.”

“Wine rule?”

“Nothing good ever happens after the third glass of wine,” you explained. They laughed at that, though they seemed bewildered by your reasoning.

Nate elaborated, “It just means that if your date stays for a fourth glass, you’ll probably get lucky.”

This earned him a smack on the arm from both his sister and yourself.

Nate’s family was just as kind as he was and it was clear how much they all adored each other. You fit in seamlessly, at least that’s how it felt, and when they asked the waitress to take a picture of them, Nate tugged you into his side to keep you in the frame.

“Take one without me,” you urged him. He just shook his head, gazing down at the picture on his phone. He passed it off to his parents and sister for approval. “Nate.”

“I want you in the picture,” he whispered to you. His hand came up to the back of your neck and he pulled you in to place a chaste kiss to your temple. He pulled away, like kissing you in public and on the forehead was normal now, and asked, “How was your food?”

When you got back to his place after dinner, you presented his mother with the pastries and earned a hug and kiss on the cheek as a thank you. They settled into the kitchen as he made drinks, chatting as a family about the people back home and his life in Denver. You slipped out to go to the bathroom, and give them some alone time.

“I like her,” you overheard his mother say as soon as you slipped out of the kitchen. You slowed your steps on your pursuit to the bathroom even though you knew it would be best to keep walking. You couldn’t help but be a little nosy.

“That’s good to hear,” Nate said. You smiled to yourself. “I like her, too.”

---

Nate’s family only stayed for another hour before you were bidding them farewell from his front door. They squeezed you and thanked you for the pastries, and then began inviting you to visit before Nate had to shut it down. Your heart felt full after spending the night with them, but sitting alone in Nate’s apartment in anticipation of what was to come was scaring the shit out of you.

Your hands were a little shaky and your palms were definitely sweaty. There was change coming, change that was already present, and you were both excited and terrified for it. Nate reentered the apartment not long after. When he saw you sitting on the couch, he released a breath he’d been holding.

“Are you going to stay for another glass?” he asked after locking the door behind him. “That one’s only your second.”

You eyed his smile, heart beat stuttering a bit beneath his gaze, and lifted the glass to your lips to finished what was left. You nodded and followed him into the kitchen. While he filled both your glass and his, you picked yourself up onto the counter like you’d done so many times before.

“I did a bad thing,” he murmured after handing your glass back to you. You raised a brow at him as he reached over to one of the cabinets and opened it to reveal two pastries in a Ziploc bag. “I stole two of them from my mom.”

“Nate!” you exclaimed. He chuckled at your exasperation. “I can bring you to that bakery whenever you want! Your parents don’t live here! It was a gift!”

“And they have the other eleven pastries,” he argued. “They’re not going to miss two.”

Reluctantly, but still with a smile, you took a pastry from his hand. You bit into it at the same time, eyes lighting up at the taste. At the sight of each other’s faces, you were doubled over in laughter before you had the chance to swallow what was in your mouth. You looked away from him to regain composure and only looked back when you were sure you wouldn’t choke.

“Those were fucking good.”

“Only the best for your mom.”

“Thank you,” he spoke. “For the pastries and for hanging out with my family today. I’m sure you had other things to do, but it meant a lot. They’ve been hearing a lot about you.”

“I had a lot of fun with them,” you said. His smile was soft, shy even, and he watched you carefully as you sipped from the glass in your hand. “It was nice to meet the people who made you who you are.”

“Wait until you meet Sid.”

You decided to move from the kitchen to the living room in favor of more comfortable seating. He reached his hand out behind his back, and you linked your fingers with his lazily so he could lead you to the couch. You slowed to a stop as he sat down, legs spread to pull you between them. Your hesitation caused a look of confusion to flash over his features.

“Can you tell me what’s going on inside your head now?” you asked, placing your glass down on the table beside the arm of the couch. He followed suit, then placed his hand delicately at your hip to urge you closer.

“Sure, I can,” he answered. He pulled you into his lap. You looped her arms around his shoulders as he flattened one hand against your back and curled the other around your thigh. “I don’t want to waste those romance rules on someone I don’t really like all that much.”

“You really didn’t like her?” you asked meekly. Of fucking course he didn’t like her, you were thinking. You were in his lap, not her, but you still couldn’t wrap your head around it. “Why?”

“The only reason I looked forward to going on dates with her was because I got to spend time with you before,” he confessed. You felt it all through your body. “I broke up with her the morning after we were at Gabe’s together. After you called me out on my bullshit, I knew I was being stupid.”

“Why me, though?”

“Because you deserve the world and I want to be the one to give it to you.”

It was only natural for you to lean in and capture his lips with yours. After all this time spent waiting and beating around the bush, you didn’t want to wait a second more. It was passionate, and new, and exciting. His hands held you close while your fingers curled into the back of his hair, but he wasn’t close enough.  

You swung your leg over to straddle him, not caring that you were wearing a dress with just panties underneath. His hands flew to your hips as you grinded against him. You gasped against his lips at the friction as he held you tighter, teeth nipping at your bottom lip until you covered his mouth with yours again. He guided your hips to grind against him once more, but you braced your hands against his chest to push away.

“I’m not staying for a fourth glass,” you said breathlessly. He smiled up at you, eyes falling to your lips that were red and plump from kissing him. Kissing him! He leaned in, tongue swiping along his bottom lip, and pulled you down by the back of the neck.

He murmured through his kisses, “You didn’t even finish your third.”

At the challenge in his voice, you reached over for the glass on the side table and finished what was left. He held you close, laughing against the crook of your neck. You giggled along with him until you felt his lips against your skin again and a gasp fell from your lips.

“You gotta leave before I pour number four,” he warned, breath ghosting over your neck. He kissed your neck again, this time sucking lightly enough to earn a strangled moan. You pushed back against his chest and stood, flustered as you adjusted your dress and your hair. Nate couldn’t help but smile as he watched you cross the room for your purse. He grabbed a pillow and held it over his lap to hide his hard-on.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked as you put your heels on the end of the couch. He was admiring your flushed cheeks and your wild hair as you busied yourself. You fastened the strap on each heel before looking back at him. It took everything in you to not go back over there and unbutton the rest of his shirt.

“Nothing,” you answered as you stood. He followed suit, adjusting his dress pants just a bit so he was comfortable and making you giggle in the process. He stepped up beside you and pulled you against him again. He placed one, two, three kisses against your neck then your jaw then your lips.

“Let me make you dinner.”

---

Nate wasn’t going to be able to keep his hands to himself. He knew that the second you walked out of your room in that little black dress, but he was really trying to be on his best behavior. It was technically only your first date and he wanted to impress you. You just weren’t helping very much. As soon as you were in his car, you were grabbing his hand and lacing it with yours to drop them into your lap.

He was a little nervous that he wasn’t going to be able to pull this off. He was sure that he’d fuck up somewhere and you’d go running. And, truthfully, you could tell that he was overthinking every little thing he did. The tension in his shoulders as he moved about the kitchen to prepare everything for dinner was clear.

“What’s wrong with you?” you asked.

He gave you the most pathetic shrug and shake of the head as he tried to wave off your concern with a soft, “Nothing.”

“That’s a lie,” you called him out. “You look stressed.”

“I mean, I am a little stressed,” he admitted, diverting his eyes from yours as he headed over to the fridge. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”

Before he knew it, you were standing between him and the refrigerator. You flattened your hands against his chest and slid them up until your hands were linked behind his neck. A slight tug on him was enough to get him to kiss you. He finally relaxed, arms dropping from the refrigerator door to grip your hips.

“You’re not going to fuck this up.”

“I don’t have a very good track record.”

“You do with me,” you said softly. He looked skeptical, not quite understanding what you meant, so you pressed against him as his arms enveloped you. “You gave me a sunflower the third time we were ever around each other. You’ve cooked me dinner already. Sure, it was under different circumstances, but it counts. Nate, you know exactly what you’re doing. Don’t overthink it.”

“Go sit,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You managed to calm his nerves better than anyone he’d ever known in a matter of seconds. “I’ll plate dinner and then I have to grab something for you, okay?”

Nate entered the dining room a minute later, placing both plates down across from each other before disappearing to grab wine glasses and another bottle of wine. Then, he was off down the hall to his bedroom. Your eyes followed him curiously, wondering what else he could possibly have up his sleeve. He’d already impressed you enough by cooking a meal you didn’t teach him.

“Oh, wow,” you breathed out when he appeared in the hallway with a bouquet of flowers. “Nate.”

“For you.”

You stood to take them from his hands and kiss him in thanks. When you pulled away, your fingers danced along the petals of the roses tucked between the sunflowers and baby’s breath Nate had grown to love too.

---

You filled your glass for a fourth time as inconspicuously as possible after your last bite of dinner, but Nate caught your eye over the bottle as you poured and you knew he knew what you were doing. He tried to stifle his smile unsuccessfully, picking up his own glass to cover it. One sip and his third glass was done.

“More?” you asked, extending the bottle in his direction.

“Four glasses?” he teased. “What do you take me for?”

“Okay, more for me then.”

Your voice was low, eyes dark as they settled on him, and suddenly he was lunging forward to grab the bottle and pour another glass for himself. Your giggles filled the room. He wanted them to echo off his walls forever.

“I want to take a picture with you,” he said. You gave him a curious look, though your stomach was doing cartwheels at the suggestion. “I keep thinking about your empty picture frame and I want you to have something to put in it.”

“We can take a selfie,” you suggested. He was quick to shake his head, pushing away from the table to take your hand and lead you to the patio. He pulled the phone from his back pocket and set it up against the couch. He removed the glass from your hand to place it out of view of the camera.

“Now, this is quite the set up,” you murmured as he moved furniture out of the way so there was ample space to take the photo. Denver’s city lights were sure to be the perfect backdrop and having Nate beside you wasn’t too bad either.

“Well, it has to be perfect if it’s going in your office.”

“How do you know I’ll even want to put it in the frame?” you asked. Nate pressed the timer and turned to walk back at you, smirk on his lips. You were teasing him, but you were playing innocent with those doe eyes. He curled around you, arms pulling your back against his chest to pose for the picture.

“After tonight, I’m sure you will,” he murmured in your ear. “Smile.”

The audacity of a man who tells you to smile after igniting your entire body in goosebumps.

The camera went off in a sequence, five pictures for the one timer. You smiled twice before he reached up to turn your face to his for a kiss. The sound of the shutter had you pulling away from his lips with a giggle. He smiled down at you for the next photo as laughter spilled from your lips, and then he was kissing you again.

When you finally pulled away from him, all giggly and handsy, Nate dragged you along with him to his phone. He curled around you as he flipped through the photos, each one cuter than the one before.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t put that in your office?” he asked. His breath tickled the back of your neck. You were just trying to tease him before, but with the lack of space between you and the way he was looking at you in these photos, you just couldn’t tease him anymore. His fingers trailed up your arms, goosebumps rising in their wake once again.

“How’s that fourth glass of wine treating you?” you asked. Nate tucked the phone in his back pocket as you turned to face him. His hands were on you once they were free, curling over the curve of your ass.

“I shouldn’t have let you talk me into it,” he murmured against your lips. “I’m trying to be good, but it’s impossible to keep my hands to myself.”

“What if I don’t want you to keep your hands to yourself?” you against, arching your body to press against him. You could feel him hard against your hip and knew you had him exactly where you wanted him. You pressed your lips to his and, as you pulled away, you took his bottom lip between your teeth and sucked on it.

A growl ripped through his chest as he lifted you into his arms. Your legs came to wrap around his waist as he carried you into the apartment and slammed the patio door shut behind him. He dropped you onto the bed, one hand coming to tug you towards the end by the ankle. His hands spread your legs so he could step between them and they slid up your thigh, pushing your dress up as they went.

“You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to do this,” he murmured in your ear as his hands reached your hip, dress bunching around his wrists and revealing your lace panties to him. “Stealing touches in a crowded room just doesn’t compare.”

You lifted your arms as he guided the dress over your body and tossed it to the floor. At the sight of your match set, Nate pushed you up the bed and crawled over you. He peppered kisses along your skin from your collarbone to your chest. He worked his way down your stomach until reaching the top of your underwear. In on swift movement, your thong was on the floor and he was spreading your legs.

“So pretty,” he murmured, fingers spreading your folds. You moaned out as he slipped his finger in. “You like my fingers in your pussy, baby?” You could only manage to nod because he’d already slipped a second finger in. He curled them while he pressed a kiss against your inner thigh. “How about my tongue?”

Nate licked a stripe up your center and you gasped, hands flying down to curl into his hair as he continued to eat you out. He sucked on your pussy, continuing to thrust his fingers into and curl. He dragged moans out of you, obscene words dripped from your lips, and the filthy sound of his tongue filled the room.

“You taste so good.”

You tried to grind against face for some more friction, but he held your hips down and continued. You whined, tugging his hair and arching your back as he brought you to orgasm.

“Nate, I’m gonna cu—” you moaned, toes curling at the feet of his lips around you. Suddenly, cool air shocked your core and your orgasm retreated. You sighed as your whole body sank into the bed at the absence of stimulation. Nate crawled up your buddy, licking a stripe up your neck before attaching his lips to yours.

“Sorry, baby,” he said. He nudged your knees apart and situated himself between them, hand falling to his dick as he lined it up with your entrance. “I just need you to cum on my cock.” You moaned as he pushed his head between your folds. “YN, as long as you’re mine, I’ll never make you feel like you don’t deserve all the most romantic things.”

You answered with a moan as he bottomed out inside you. He watched your face as you adjusted to his size and smiled as you whimpered, pulling your teeth between your lips. You felt so good around him and as he began to pull out and thrust in again, your nails dug into his biceps.

You knew he was trying to take his time, but you could hardly take it. As far as you were concerned, Nate would have all the time in the world to take it slow with you. Tonight was not that night.

“Fuck me harder.”

When you sounded like that beneath him, how could he say no? His previously slow and calculated thrusts became sloppy at your request. He relished in the sound of your moaning and the way you called his name like a prayer. You were unraveling beneath him and he wanted to get you there. He adjusted your leg over his shoulder so he could hit a new angle.

“Come on, baby,” he moaned against your lips. “I wanna see you cum for me.”

He reached down and placed his thumb against your clit, rubbing in circles as he pumped into you. You screamed out and your body arched as your orgasm ripped through you. Nate pumped into you a few moments more as he chased his high while listening to your whimpers. He spilled out into his condom as a string of curses left his lips, then collapsed onto of you to catch his breath.

Your fingers immediately found his hair as your breathing evened out together. His body was hot on yours and a sheen of sweat covered both of you. Nate’s fingers curled around your waist and into your skin, squeezing you like he needed to get closer but couldn’t. Finally, he pulled out of you and sat back on his knees.

“You’re so beautiful,” he sighed, hands rubbing up your stomach to cup your breasts. You shivered at his touch. “I never want to leave this bed.”

“Not even for shower sex?”

“Okay, maybe for shower sex,” he murmured. He picked you up, tossing you over his shoulder to carry you to the bathroom.

---

A few hours (and orgasms later), you were clothed in Nate’s sweats and t-shirt and waiting for him beneath the covers in bed. He was cleaning up the glasses you left on the patio and running the dishwasher, though he was quick to finish it up and return to you. You looked so cute propped up against the headboard that he couldn’t stop smiling as he got ready for bed. He pulled on a pair of sweats, but remained topless as he slid under the covers. Instead of pulling you down to rest on his chest, he dropped his head onto your stomach and pulled you tightly to him. Your fingers carded through his hair.

“Thank you for tonight, Nate,” you spoke. “This was the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

“I’m counting this as our fourth date,” he responded. You laughed at him, slapping his bicep lightly at his teasing. “Let’s be honest, I was trying to impress you this entire time anyway.”

“Consider me impressed.”

Nate pulled you down to eye level with him, heads on your respective pillows, and then turned to shut the lamp off beside him. When he turned back, he pulled you against his chest. With your ear to his chest, you listened to his heartbeat and his breathing as it evened out. His fingers scratched your back ever-so-slightly as if soothing you to sleep.

“Are you happy?” he asked. You looked up at him with a curious gaze. Could he not tell how happy you were?

“Of course, I am,” you answered. “Are you?”

“How could I not be?” he asked. “You’re so far out of my league.”

“No, I’m not,” you groaned. You covered your blushing face with your hands at his words, hoping that he couldn’t feel the beat of your heart. Nate was quick to tug them down, holding them against his own chest. He didn’t care if you felt how hard his heart was beating. In fact, he wanted you to know. He wanted you to know the effect you had on him.

“You feel my heart, right?” he asked. You nodded. “You did that. You do that to me every single time I’m around you.” Your eyes began to water and you tried to pull your hand away from his to wipe the water pooling in the corner. Nate grabbed both your hands with one of his and wiped it with his own thumb. “I’ll never let you go to bed thinking I don’t love you. I’m going to shower you with flowers from our favorite florist and buy you pastries from that little shop you like, and I’ll never make you feel like you need to stifle yourself and who you are on account of me.”

“Nate.”

“Just listen to me, alright?” he asked, voice soft. You nodded. “Your ex stuffed you down and he didn’t appreciate you. That’ll never happen with me, and if you feel like it is, you need to tell me, just like you did when we first met.”

You tried to stammer through some type of coherent response, but words failed, so you kissed him. His arms wrapped around your waist to pull you flush against him and your legs intertwined. He was intoxicating, you couldn’t get enough, but he felt just the same. He wondered how anyone had let you go before and simultaneously thanked them for the gift that was you.

That night, Nate vowed he’d never let you go to bed unhappy and he’d never let you feel any less than perfect. He waited forever for a partner like you, honest and kind, and he finally had it in his hands, in his bed. And you promised that you’d never love anyone as much as you loved him. You just knew it.

#nate mackinnon imagine #nate mackinnon fic #nate mackinnon #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #nathan mackinnon imagine #nathan mackinnon fic

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I think the difference between buddie and those slow burn ships is that they actually were always shown to have a shot. With buddie it’s just wishful thinking on our part, there’s been nothing definite to make us think it’s even a possibility. Most slow burns are straight so there’s no need to even worry, it will probably happen at some point. This is completely different and you can’t blame people for not having hope or see a potential long term.

Listen, I'm going to try really hard to be nice about this, okay?

Straight slowburn ships are not "shown to have a shot" more than Buddie is right now. I made a post earlier in response to someone else's ask mentioning Mulder/Scully and Josh/Donna, two ships that we were not shown to have a shot. Both showrunners said they would not make that ship canon, and later were persuaded to change their minds. I guess because my response was behind a "read more" you didn't see that part.

"There's no need to even worry, it will probably happen at some point." Respectfully, as someone who has shipped slowburns that never came to pass that were between men and women... no. No, it's not guaranteed. It's just not. I'm very sorry.

A good modern-day example that a friend pointed out to me is the ship Chenford on the show The Rookie. From what the friend told me and what I saw in clips and gifsets doing some research, they are very much the same position as Buddie right now. And like with Buddie, despite being a man and a woman, there is no guarantee. The cast and crew has not promised the viewers anything. That is the chance the viewer must take.

I understand that when other shows like S*pernatural, Teen Wolf, Sherlock, The 100 and others have treated queer fans so poorly, it can be hard to have trust. But again, as I pointed out earlier, the parallels between both well-known slowburn straight ships in other media and other ships on 911 itself are saying we have a chance.

In fact, I'll throw in another parallel for you: Willow and Tara. Tara is shot to death in front of Willow in exactly, e-fucking-xactly, the same camera parallel as Eddie is shot in front of Buddie. But unlike Willow and Tara, Buck and Eddie still have a chance. I do not think that parallel, given Willow and Tara's fame in the queer community, was unintentional.

Now, I am not saying with 100% certainty that Buddie will happen in the sense that hey I saw in my crystal ball in the future and we're fine. I mean, go ask the X-Files fans (known as Philes) who debated whether we'd get Mulder and Scully together. There's no real guarantee unless one of you's a time traveler, in which case, I have MUCH bigger questions for you.

But I am 95% certain. Because of the aforementioned parallels.

My frustration is that people are calling this queerbaiting when it's not, and I'm not explaining to you why, because you're an adult who can do your own research. My frustration is that people are mad that Buddie isn't getting together fast enough, when they also say they want a slowburn. The point of a slow burn is that you don't have a guarantee. It's the classic "will they or won't they" tension. My frustration is that I genuinely do not know what the show writers and crew could do at this point besides say "don't worry guys, it's going to happen" - when to do that would be to spoil the biggest plot twist they've ever had and they simply will not do that.

If you don't have hope, that's your choice. If you think it's wishful thinking, that's your choice. When I thought after the season four finale we wouldn't get Buddie, I took a break. I wrote some fanfic that I had already been planning on writing but I didn't engage with the fandom at large, didn't reblog anything, didn't do speculation or meta, etc. I urge you to do the same.

If you still like Buddie and think that it won't be canon, that's totally fine. I ship Geraskier, which will never be canon. The thing is - I'm okay with that. If you think something won't be canon and you're not okay with that, then I really do urge you to find something else to focus on, because you're never going to be happy, sweet nonny. You just won't. And it's okay! It's really truly okay to leave. It's okay even to leave and then come back when the ship is canon. Not everyone can afford the emotional labor of waiting and seeing. It's really, really okay. I mean that.

I'm repeating a lot of what I said in my previous answer to another anon, but if after all that you still think it's wishful thinking and we're all deluding ourselves, please go and do that somewhere else. Please stay off my posts, and let me and others have our fun. It's not hurting you for us to do so, but it is hurting you, I think, to spend your time so hurt and angry. So I urge you to find something that will bring you joy.

#mads answers things #and this is the last thing I'm going to say about this #I will not respond to any other asks about this matter #I am not here to debate or discourse or wank or whatever you want to call it #please leave me alone #if you do not agree with my posts then simply do not interact with them #I have had a long day on top of a long week on top of a long month on top of a long year and I'm on my period #I simply do not have time for this #please go and find something that will make you happy #because you deserve to spend time only on what brings you happiness

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 19, part two

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

The Man Comes Around

Over at the Wen Indoctrination Tower, which seems to exist just to torture Lan Wangji with stair climbing, Lan Wangji is climbing the stairs. Too bad his cultivation level is too low to be able to just jump up. At least this time his leg isn't broken.

This is the first vengeful stair-climb in the show, but not the last. (Parallel gifset here).

The Wen guards are stationed all the way at the pinnacle of this tower to guard...what? Why are they not at the bottom of the stairs? What is this location for, actually? This is further up the stairs than the scenes with the indoctrination lectures. Anyway, it's been three months since Wen Chao threw Wei Wuxian into the burial mounds, so naturally these guards are talking about that exact thing as Lan Wangji approaches.

Lan Wangji knocks them all down with a blast from his guqin. Did you know his guqin is named Wangji, by the way? It is. A guy who is that lazy about naming his quqin maybe shouldn't feel so superior to a guy who named his sword "whatever." 

(I'm suddenly remembering a plush lamb I had as a child, whose eyes were orange, that I named "orange eyes.") (I, however, was three. And I had a lot of plush lambs. Little ones. Grown-ups found it hilarious to give them to me.) (Native speakers of English can probably guess what OP's real name is. Hint: it rhymes with Canary.) (Everybody else: there is a kid's rhyming song called Mary Had A Little Lamb. OP's name is Mary.)

Anyhoo, after Lan Wangji is finally finished with his dramatic entrance, Jiang Cheng comes flying in from wherever he's been hovering for the past 20 minutes of stair time. A bunch of Lan sidekicks also flood into the frame from wherever they were hiding during the wide shots of LWJ on the staircase.

In case you hope that CQL Lan Wangji is as much of a top (offscreen) as MZDS Lan Wangji is (on the page), here's a gif for you.

(more after the cut)

He uses the patented Lan string attack to choke this guard.  Lan Wangji doesn't have to hold a guqin string in his hands to choke someone with it. He doesn't even have to tighten it, judging by how absurdly not-tight this string is.

Or maybe this guy is choking on the chin strap of his helmet. This is exactly how OP's son reacts when OP sticks a bike helmet on him. (Note: it's GOOD that they are following choking safety protocols on set. Very good. However, they could have just left the string out and pretended, and it would look better, in this instance)

The Wen guard tells Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng about the whole "thrown into the burial mounds" thing.  Team Let's Find Wei Wuxian is not happy to hear this.

A Vengeful Ghost

Meanwhile, in some Wen office somewhere? Where the hell is this? Yiling, we get an ominous shot of the rooftops where Wei Wuxian is lurking and then we see Wang Lingjiao trying to sleep and having a nightmare.

Wang Lingjiao has gone to sleep with a full face of makeup on instead of washing her face before bed. She has forgotten the important maxim, Go To Sleep Pretty, Wake Up Zitty.

She leaps out of bed to go cling to Wen Chao and freak out about Wei Wuxian's ghost. Wen Chao is trying to read the sports section and has clearly had enough of this crap. This has presumably been going on for a little while now.

Wang Lingjiao is in a new outfit, which is...pajamas? It has the feel of a 1930's French peignoir set, and it's much more softly colored than her usual bright red-purple combo. If this is her pajamas is it weird that her day clothes are a lot more aggressively sexy-looking than her nightgown? A freak in the streets but a lady in the sheets.

Wen Chao rants about the Sunshot Campaign and talks some smack about Wen Qing, and then leaves to go to the bar and watch the game with Wen Zhuliu. After he leaves Wang Lingjiao freaks out for a bit and then looks at the notice he was reading.

The notice basically says that the Sunshot Campaign is kicking their ass. She should be proud for inspiring the name of the campaign with that kite-shooting bullshit she made up at Lotus Pier. Before slaughtering everyone.

No Matter What You Do, I Only Want To Be With You

Back at the Indoctrination Tower, Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng are having feelings about Wei Wuxian. Jiang Chang does all the talking but Lan Wangji's thoughts are louder because a sad violin is playing Wangxian while they talk.

Jiang Cheng tells Lan Wangji about their meetup plan and says he thought WWX had dumped him to go find Lan Wangji in Lanling. Lan Wangji telepathically indicates that this didn’t happen. This means two things: 1. Lan Wangji has been hanging out in Lanling, where Jiang Yanli has been hanging out, so maybe they have bonded over the past 3 months and 2. This is the first time Jiang Cheng has talked to Lan Wangji since Wei Wuxian disappeared. 

Much as my fic-loving heart would like to believe these two spent three months on the road together looking for Wei Wuxian, in fact they are both important high-level fighters in an active military campaign, and Lan Wangji was busy taking back the Cloud Recesses while Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were having elective surgery. They probably both were assigned to the "Indoctrination Bureau" mission and this is the first chance they've had to talk about Wei Wuxian.

Is it heartbreaking that, while Wei Wuxian was helplessly getting his ass beat because he'd sacrificed his golden core for Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng believed Wei Wuxian had abandoned him for Lan Wangji? Yes. Yes it is.

For some reason Jiang Cheng is hesitant to believe that Wei Wuxian really was thrown into the Burial Mounds. I mean, I understand not wanting to believe Wei Wuxian is dead, but given that Wen Chao is the dude who oversaw the massacre of all of the people at Lotus Pier, including kids, why would Jiang Cheng think his guards are wrong? Maybe he just feels like Wei Wuxian is invincible, since so far he kinda has been. 

The Sword is Mightier Than Not Having a Sword

While they've been chatting, the Lan disciples have found their swords. One disciple is holding Bichen (LWJ's sword), Sandu (JC's sword), and OP consults wiki Suihua (Jin Zixuan's sword). Another disciple is holding Subian (WWX's sword).  

Jiang Cheng grabs Sandu while the Lan disciples, who apparently know their gongzi’s heart, offer Wei Wuxian's sword to Lan Wangji. 

Lan Wangji takes Subian (Bichen: What am I, chopped watercress?) and immediately tries to draw it. Like you don't do. It's sealed itself, which apparently means that it's upset. It's unclear if it's upset because Wei Wuxian is dead or if it just misses him, however.  

Lan Wangji definitely misses him, and wonders, out loud inside his own head, where Wei Wuxian is. Um, he's in the Burial Mounds, dude, they just told you. Well, I guess he's actually in Yiling proper at this point, haunting Wang Lingjiao as he promised her he would.

Twa Corbies

The scene shifts to Qinghe, where there are about 12 dead bodies lying around, which in this show means that there are really a few hundred. In fact, per Jiang Yanli's statement "nothing can be seen but corpses covering the plains." The camera can't see most of them, is all.

Wen Xu's head is hanging in the doorway, and the Jins talk about how Nie Mingjue killed him, cutting his head off with just one swing. Is this foreshadowing anything, like perhaps someone else's head being cut off by Baxia in just one swing? Nope, definitely not.

A couple of crows are perched on a body, totally not eating it, but Jin Zixuan gallantly zaps them with a talisman to make them fly away anyway.  It might be noteworthy that nobody used to use talismans but gradually more and more people are using them - particularly people who have spent time with Wei Wuxian.

With mony a lock of his golden hair-o, we’ll theek our nest when it grows bare-o

Asshole cousin Jin Zixun says “scavenger rights,” so Jin Zixuan puts him in charge of collecting all the bodies. 

Since OP just finished watching fur-collar-happy Nirvana in Fire, these crows look to me like they are wearing luxurious fur collars. Where OP lives, crows are not this fancy. 

A Romantic Corpse-Filled Interlude

Disaster het Jin Zixuan goes to help Jiang Yanli get out of the carriage but she rejects his hand just like he rejected hers back in Gusu.

Jiang Yanli is extremely shocked when she sees Wen Xu's severed head, and turns away in horror, preferring to calmly rest her eyes on dozens of crow-pecked corpses.

Jin Zixuan tries to comfort her and she tells him she'll be going now, thanks for the hospitality. He tries to say that he has to personally deliver her to a representative of the patriarchy one of her brothers, but then one of her brothers shows up.

Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng arrive, having presumably flown there from Qishan. They show that they are flying by blowing a fan on the ground and then jumping off of a box, which is better than the effects we were subjected to earlier in the episode.

Jiang Cheng rushes over to have an emotional reunion with Jiang Yanli, while Lan Wangji rushes over to have an emotional reunion with Wen Xu’s severed head. Jin Zixuan kind of spoils it for him by talking about Wei Wuxian's absence while Lan Wangji is trying to have a moment.

The whole time Jin Zixuan is talking to him, Lan Wangji appears to be gazing into the middle distance but in fact he is staring at Wen Xu's severed head. This is the guy who led the burning of Cloud Recesses, killed a bunch of disciples, and personally broke Lan Wangji's leg. Lan Wangji stares at his head for more than a full minute before glancing away.

Jiang Yanli hasn't seen Jiang Cheng since they were in Wen Qing's clinic, and she is happy he's recovered. When she asks about Wei Wuxian he gives her the bad news in the classic Jiang fashion, which is to say nothing, but look stricken until your interlocutor figures out that something is horribly wrong, but not precisely what.

Four Angry Men

Inside the fortress, Nie Mingjue is slapping the table and saying, this bad boy can hold so much resentment and vengeance. They're having a mini war council and we're getting a better sense of Nie Mingjue's anger management problem. Note for those who don't get the gif reference: this is a The Godfather joke, not a sex joke, but it can be both, if you like.

We're also getting a little more info about Baxia, who seems to be eager to go fight even without anyone wielding it. (Her? Him? Them? do swords have gender? I don't know). Well done, person below the camera frame whose job is to rattle Baxia in a menacing manner.

They've got a giant model of the battle targets, which looks like it was carved out of real rock (I mean, as much as any of the rocks on this show look like real rocks) and has its own table and everything, decorated in Nie colors. Where was this before they took Qinghe back? Has Nie Mingjue been traveling with it? 

Anyway, I'm assuming Nie Huaisang made it, because it's pretty nice. Hopefully they will keep it around for tabletop gaming after the war is over.

Jiang Cheng is upset but is using his anger management mantra to help control his temper while Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji talk with Nie Mingjue. 

Lan Wangji talks by leaning forward meaningfully, mostly not by using any words, but he asks for a battle assignment and Jiang Cheng immediately joins in. They both want to go find Wei Wuxian. 

Nie Mingjue says Yiling is too difficult of a target, but Lan Wangji puts on his determined face, which is apparently very persuasive.  

After Team Find Wei Wuxian leaves, Nie Mingjue asks Jin Zixuan to hang back so he can ask him how Meng Yao is doing. This is the first time he finds out that his ex didn't go to Lanling. Jin Zixuan tries to delicately remind him that Dad's got, like, SO many bastard children, they really don't have space for all of them. Nie Mingjue dismisses him immediately and abruptly. 

Nie Mingjue might invite the straights to his party but he isn't interested in actually socializing with them.

Unconditional Soup is Only for A-Xian

Jiang Cheng can't sleep, and takes some time, now, to be sad about Wei Wuxian. Presumably he spent the prior 3 months being mad, not sad, because he really thought he just buggered off without saying anything for all that time. Which is sort of fair, but sort of not. One thing about these two bros is that for as close as they have been and as much as they love each other, their mutual understanding has some big, messy gaps.

Fortunately while he is feeling sad, Jiang Cheng does not try to draw Subian from its sheath, because wouldn't THAT be awkward.

Jiang Yanli can't sleep either, and comes to sit with him. Jiang Cheng feels bad that she's wearing herself out with worry and she says "As your sister, I have nothing to do but to worry about you." Jiang Yanli isn't one to complain but she doesn't like being inactive or helpless. In Lanling she was far from the war, but now that she's in Qinghe she'll make herself useful by tending the wounded, and later she'll help Jiang Cheng shoulder his responsibilities as he takes over the Jiang clan.

At the moment, however, all she can do is fret and make soup. As she gives Jiang Cheng a bowlful she reminds him that he absolutely has to rescue their brother who has, according to his captors, been reduced to bone dust.

With all the impossible shit that Jiang Cheng is expected to achieve - and in many instances, does achieve - he is absolutely the embodiment of the Jiang Clan's motto. Fuck his father for disrespecting him because he hadn't figured out how to do everything by the age of 16.

Definitely Not Chilling in Yiling

Back in Yiling, Wen Chao is hearing the news that the Qishan Indoctrination Bureau has fallen and that he's being called back to Nightless City. Wen Chao says he shouldn't need to go back because his dad has a new right-hand man. That new right-hand man, we will eventually learn, is Meng Yao. Wang Lingjiao, meanwhile, is hiding under the bed covers and deciding it's time to dump Wen Chao.

She locks the door and goes to pull out her jewelry box, which is locked and hidden under the bed. Maybe this is Wen Chao's jewelry box, because she acts kind of squirrely about opening it. Upon opening the jewelry box, she doesn't find jewelry but a pair of bloody fake eyeballs staring at her.  She screams and freaks out and then the wind picks up and we hear the sound of a flute, playing the "I'm here to fuck your shit up" tune that Wei Wuxian likes.

Wang Lingjiao runs to the door and pulls down the protection talisman that's pasted above it, and pastes it directly to her chest instead, which is, we will learn in the next episode, the worst idea she could possibly have at this point.

Then she uses a poking stick to go flip the jewelry box open and finds it's full of ugly-ass jewelry again, plus an improbable number of weird round paper-mache biscuits that have been painted gold. None of this jewelry looks anything like the exquisite accessories people wear in this show, which means this stash was put together by the practical effects department, not by the costume department.

Anyway, Wang Lingjiao apparently thinks she can sell this fakeass stuff for a good price, so more power to her. But then we get a short glimpse of the menacing eyeballs again, this time on the floor, having moved out of the box and brought their little blood pool with them. Screeching ensues.

Next episode: Lady in Red!

Soundtrack: Twa Corbies, by Steeleye Span

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #the untamed meta #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #jiang cheng #wang lingjiao #jin zixuan

[bibuckbuckley]

Okay so I was looking at this gifset and my mind always like to go to the idea that Eddie was going to actually confess to Buck. I know a lot of people have talked about this before, but I cannot help but talk about this again. Just like at the pairing of those two scenes. Eddie tells Chim that 'we're not promised tomorrow. If you love her, tell her." Which I always couldn't help but be reminded of when Shannon died and Chim told him to 'tell your wife you love her' before she died. And they could've just left Eddie's part in that lil story arc there. Maybe still see his reaction to Chim rushing out of the ambulance and giving him a small knowing smile.

But what did we get instead? We get Eddie asking Buck if 'he was hungry and wanted to get something to eat' which in itself is not abnormal for best friends/co-workers to do. HOWEVER this is the only time that we've seen one of them asking the other (and no one else) to eat on screen AND the fact that it's after the scene where Eddie literally tells Chim to tell Maddie he loves her.

Like setup of it. The PLACEMENT.

And then when they open the ambulance and Buck's mentions how he's not hungry anymore and Chim proudly and adorably announces that he's going to tell Maddie he loves her, Eddie's all "we missed a lot". Which is kinda odd for a guy to say as a reaction to see someone take his advice, especially when that advice is so important like that. You'd think there'd be a small smile happy smile. Not saying that I don't think Eddie wasn't happy for Chim and he probably was shocked by the suddenness of it all. But I do think there is something to be said about how he acted like the advice he gave Chim was like a secret (even though I do think that's just a part of who Eddie is but still).

Anyways, my clown headcanon had always been that Eddie was going to actually confess to Buck (or at least get more of a feel of the Situation™ between them) but then chickened out when Buck mentioned how he wasn't hungry anymore.

And after all of the events that occured after this episode, I feel like that actually really could've been the case.

I have my entire clown outfit on y'all.

Because, just a couple of episodes after this, Eddie almost dies in a well. And what was it that he told Chim? "We're not promised tomorrow". And then just a few episodes later, Eddie literally has a major near-death experience. And what do we find out that Eddie did after the well? He freaking made Buck Christopher's guardian. And then it takes him an entire year and another near-death experience to tell Buck about the will.

We've talked a lot about how Eddie uses Christopher as his way to express his feelings for Buck. Which, honestly, that in itself shows how much Eddie loves Buck and trusts him because Christopher his entire heart and soul. We saw how hard it was for Eddie to bring Shannon back into Christopher's life bc Eddie does everything in his power to make sure that Christopher doesn't get hurt.

By telling Buck about the will, Eddie is showing his hand. Showcasing that he truly meant what he said with "There's no one else in this world I trust more with my son than you". There's no more trust, more love, that Eddie can show to someone than entrusting his son to such an extent. We all know if Eddie did end up getting married to someone else, he definitely would not change the will.

And so, Eddie telling Buck about the will, showing how much Buck means to him and how much he is in fact not expendable and loved, is a major step in Eddie's confession progress.

Now, back in the first scene, Eddie wasn't fully ready yet. And even in 4x14 and the "follow your heart" line, Eddie wasn't fully ready yet. Because he needs to fully deal with the rest of his repression issues (i.e. repressed trauma, repressed sexuality and all that jazz). But, imho, this man is very close to actually saying the words.

In conclusion: s5 pining!Eddie and confession of some sorts here we come.

#i have my entire clown outfit on and everything #buddie #buddie meta #eddie diaz #kj makes a post #long post