#what he COULD do is often irrelevant bc he Will Not do almost anything that may harm him if he has a chance in the matter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

teddybeartoji · 5 days

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CHALLENGERS (2024)

i've been racking my brain for quite some time now to come up with a way to really express how i feel about this film - and i think the best way to do it is just to say that it truly made me want to get into filmmaking. and that it made me feel so fucking alive. it felt like a different type of oxygen. like crack or something. this is obviously going to be a ramblepost so i apologize if it's super fucking messy. also big spoilers will come with a warning so don't worry abt that. i am going insane.

+ btw here's the trailer if u don't know anything abt this hehehehe

anywayy i've never sat through a WHOLE film with a smile on my face bc i was just so fucking excited. elated is a really good word here i think. all of the following thoughts and words are in fact coming from my lower tummy bc no other film has turned me on so much as this did. it's not about sex btw.

luca guadagnino understands. he really fucking does. this guy is everything i want to be. it's all about the intimacy and the closeness. the sweat. the colors. the eyes. the dialogue. the camerawork. the build-up. staging and blocking. lighting. it is about sex but not in the way that you think. forget about porn and smut and whatever the fuck you think sex is. it's about watching and observing. taking everything in. it's about your heartbeat. the warm and fuzzy feeling in your stomach. a tightening knot. want and desire. anger. the rawness of it all. just the way things should be. forget about quickies and think about your best friend thinking about your lover. it's hot, right? it's about the rush. it's about sharing and not sharing. it's about greed and envy. think about sore muscles - how good they feel. think about flashing lights and thrumming bass in your ears. it's about music that makes you feel alive. it's about nudity, it's about power. humility and the absolute lack of it. it's about real humans, real people. eroticism. kissing. disgust. need. spit and saliva. tongues dancing together. muscles. skin on skin. laughter. love and something that's very akin to it but not quite the same. extreme close-ups and moments in slow motion, followed by fast-paced cuts and scenes. slapping. teasing and bickering. it's about everything i could possibly want in this fucking life and luca just handed it all to me on a silver platter.

i'm trying so hard to make this as coherent as possible lmao please bear with me i quite literally shed a couple of tears just from the overwhelming feeling this film gave me.

the casual intimacy is insane in this. one really specific thing made me absolutely lose it - there are TWO scenes where art spits out his gum into people's hands. the first is with tashi and the second time it's with patrick - both times they stand so close together that they're almost brushing against each other and they keep eye contact. there's zero disgust, there's no ew you just spit your gum into my hand. they ask for it. both times, patrick and tashi, hold out their palms for art to do it, and they do it without a word. no please or spit it out. i loved it so fucking much i wish i was better with words bc this genuinely had such a big effect on me. this type of intimacy is so important to me. it feels so real.

the dialogue was fucking great. i feel like the script is often where i might get The Ick bc i just hate when it's just so clear that it was written down without a second thought abt whether or not people actually talk like that (ok this actually might just be a problem with every single film my country makes but still). this felt good!!!!! they talk over people, they talk about small irrelevant things. they repeat what they said, they giggle, they laugh - again, it just felt so real and i loved it.

also. men in shorts. sweaty men in shorts. with shirts and without shirts. biceps. more sweat. muscles. we need more of that in life actually. i think men should wear shorter shorts and they should bend over more. ALSO MIDRIFF. SHIRTS RISING UP JUST A LITTLE, GIVING US A GLORIOUS PEEK OF WHAT'S UNDERNEATH. WHEN I TELL YOU THAT LUCA UNDERSTANDS I FUCKING MEAN THAT SHIT.

THE SOUNDTRAAAACKKKKKK RRRRRAAAAHHHHHHH EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU TRENT REZNOR AND ATTICUS ROSS WE LOVE YOU TRENT REZNOR AND ATTICUS ROSS!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean it's obviously not a surprise that the score slaps so hard bc well... these guys have yet to make a bad score lmao. but this one is genuinely one of my favourite scores i think. super fast paced, exhilarating - it suits the film so fucking good holy shit. fuck it i'll give you a few songs:

challengers: match point + yeah 10x + pull over +

the cast was incredible. and also very hot. i think they were all so fucking perfect and i have literally zerooo complaints abt them i loved them so much. but if i had to pick a favourite performance... it's josh o'connor as patrick zweig. fuuuuckkkk, man. ok maybe i'm a bit biased here i do wanna kinda eat him buTTTTTTT HE'S AN AMAZING ACTOR OKAY. i loved his character soooooo fucking much and i think he did such a good job at portraying this little silly fucked up guy. the way he looks at art, the way he acts around art...

here are two crazy fucking examples for you the churro + the chair uhhhhhhh i am very unwell abt them actually what the fuuuuckkkkk

oke but yeah i just might be really down bad bc i really do love overly cocky assholes with beautiful big smiles okay don't judge me

THE VISUALSSSSS OH MY FUCKING GODD THE COLORSSS!!!!!!!! IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOO BRIGHT AND PRETTY AND FUN AND ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EVERYBODY CHEEERRSSS!!!!!!!!! it's such a big problem nowdays that all of the films are so fucking dark like bro where's the sun...... dark and just very dull you know??? and i hate it i hate it so much. this was great though. again - super birhgt and colorful, luca plays with the light like a god and he's really making me believe that the cinema is truly backk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they also mentioned spider-verse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i <3 luca fr

okay i think this covers most of it. i think. i have already decided that i'm gonna go and see it again next week so i'm sure that i'll be returning to this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope you can all feel my love for this wonderful piece of art and i hope that you all will go and watch it aswell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ily thank you for reading<333333

#i got so tired just bc this was just so much #in a good way #i loved it i loved it i loved it #btw if any of you go and see it i'd looove to hear your thoughts too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ceo of letterboxd says hello

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miqojak · 11 months

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Combo of short answer to what is Jak's identity?

and

Is her environment supportive about her identity? How does this impact her?

Pride OC Asks

A tough one! I spent a long time looking for the right term(s) for her, actually (which was great for educating myself on other identities OOC!). She was quite sex-repulsed, and didn't/doesn't like to be touched (except by one specific person, and that's after a lot of effort on his part to make her feel safe). I kept hovering around the pseudo-ace spectrum... but her repulsion was out of trauma, not a genuine lack of desire? Though she remains kind of put off by the idea that so many people can and do just have sex with almost anyone - it's mind-boggling to her... people will be at their literal most vulnerable around a stranger just to... mate??

It's so hard to put any one specific term on it, though - she approached relationships through the lens she grew up with, in a tribe, so traditional marriage is confounding, and she sort of sees polyamory as the default (for herself, at least - though she is in a monogamous relationship at present bc her partner is not poly).

As for the types of people she can be attracted to? Gender isn't a big deal - she's just never met a female/non-male OC who could meet her high standards for what she seeks in a lover! But that leaves me holding a handful of terms like Sapiosexual, Demisexual, Bisexual, and potentially Grey Romantic. (The things that would be 'romantic' to her aren't often things others would find romantic, and traditional romantic gestures are... well, kind of gross and performative to her - based in societal expectations and not actual, genuine affection - like giving flowers/chocolates, etc). She's attracted to someone who can challenge her - but also someone who won't judge the broken person she is, so much as always help her to reach for higher heights, and constant self-betterment. Intelligence is important... but so is understanding her, and how her mind works - she's very different from normal people, and knows it - and what's the point of letting someone in, if they just judge and criticize who you are? She would almost prefer that her partner have achieved more than her, as well - maybe even be stronger/smarter, the better to challenge her - and not necessarily book smart, so much as clever in the ways of the world, in practical/useful ways. (Plus there's her god complex that says she will not be with someone not 'worthy' of her/beneath her... this could encompass a lot of things, lmao! But getting to be intimate with her is a gift! Not just anyone gets that.) Honestly pansexual may even be better than bi as a term? I inevitably use them interchangeably for myself, lol. Gender is irrelevant - if you're a simpleton and a fool (or an optimist /cough), she wants none of it.

As for her environment? There's no homophobia on Hydaelyn! Be queer as fuck!! Hooray!! Other than that, her polyamory has been the sticking point for the men who have been in her life - in the end I think they just hated the other guys she was with, and then one of them cheated on her and tried to claim he was suddenly poly (yuck), and in the end the last lover left was the fellow she would do anything not to lose, and was absolutely fine with him wanting her not to be in other relationships... all it took was a simple conversation to express that he didn't like it! Amazing what trouble you can save by talking to your partner about what bothers you, and talking through it before hurt happens!

I don't think she would ever feel ashamed of these facets of herself though - the ways in which she hates herself and feels monstrous at least have nothing to do with her sexuality/gender identity. But if you tried to talk gender identity with her, she'd mostly be confused about it all... just tell her your pronouns, so she can insult you properly... she doesn't need to understand why they're different: she detests all people equally!

#thanks for asking!#ffxiv rp #miqo'te #ffxiv pride #ffxiv #gender identification #sexuality #she might be more inclined to be attracted to masculine presenting ppl?#but she's flirted with ladies #and her only friend is nb!#trying to date her is like applying for a job xD #mixed with hazing #she likes people who bite back!

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demonicheadcanons · 3 years

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Obey Me Undateables / Side Dishes and Little Affections

AN: The last post for the brothers was ridiculously popular and this was requested so! Here we go. Just little ways the undateables are affectionate to the MC. Romance-coded but not for Luke bc he’s baby. I did this on mobile so forgive me for any formatting issues, and for the lack of a read more!

As you may have seen, I struggled a lot with Solomon because I really view him as being indifferent. I’m sorry if his is a little underwhelming! I also wrote this differently from the last one because I forgot how I formatted it, sorry ;u;

Diavolo

- He’s busy all the time. Like truly, this man rarely gets a break, and even when he does, his mind is still tick-tick-ticking away. Crawl into his lap and hold his face in your hands and he’ll finally relax, you can see the clouds clear away from his eyes. He kisses your forehead and holds your face in return, shining again. It only takes a few moments for him to settle completely, to shut off all his worries.

- He really just,,, likes to pick you up? So long as you’re not absolutely terrified he’ll completely randomly walk up to you and lift you up and carry you around with him or just hold you there. Bonus points if you wrap your arms around his shoulders and / or bury your face into his neck. Extra bonus points if you kiss or nuzzle against his cheek. His grin is so wide and bright it could light up the whole Devildom. Additionally, if you run and jump at him he will drop everything to catch you, no matter what. He has not and will never fail to catch you, and it makes him laugh so hard you can feel it in the way his arms and chest shake as he holds you.

- He likes to lay down beside you and link pinkies. It’s so soft, such a delicate little thing, and yet you trust him enough to let him do that. The minimal contact makes it feel even more special to him, there’s no pressure there. You’re close and he has a reminder of your presence beside him and it’s enough, it’s enough.

- With Diavolo, if you decide to teach him cute human things, you might regret it later, because he remembers them all. You put your palm out once, telling him that he’s supposed to rest his chin there, and from then on he’ll do it immediately. He will also expect you to do it too, and his timing is completely random. You’ll be talking to Barbatos and he’ll hold his hand out and wait for you to rest your chin in it. When you do, he pokes at your cheek with his thumb and walks off again.

- Please play cute games with him. Farming games like Stardew Valley or things like Terraria and Minecraft, or the Sims, or anything like that. He also doesn’t mind matches on more competitive games, but he likes to relax and make a house or a farm with you, and his reactions to everything is adorable; you two make Sims and he cheers when they get married, and even if they’re not representing you two and are just random Sims, he jokes about how you should do that too someday. He’s amazing at games that are strategy based, but prefers to play anything else so he can relax and not think for a while.

Barbatos

- Random tickles. It’s completely unexpected and he is very sneaky - the first few times it’ll catch you heavily off guard, and even after that it’s hard to predict when you’ll feel his gloved hands brush against your sides. He’s an expert at guessing where someone is ticklish, and abuses that power when alone with the people he loves (namely you!)

- Food fights but on a small scale. He’ll walk past you in the kitchen and brush flour across your face, disguising it as him simply being affectionate as he passes by, a reminder that he cares about you and is thinking about you even as he works. His movements are graceful and confident as always, to the point where it’s actually quite hard to even realise what he’s done. He will consider telling you before you leave the kitchen. He really will consider it.

- Similarly, if his hands are wet, just before drying them off he’ll flick water in your direction and then act like he has no idea what you’re talking about when you ask if he just did that. Really, MC, why would he do that? He’s been so busy cooking, and you’re accusing him of doing something so childish?

- He quite likes just, holding you up and carrying you around but in a different way to Diavolo. Instead of Princess carries, it’s more like if you jump onto someone and wrap your legs around their waist and your arms around their shoulders? He loves carrying you around like that. Cling onto him! He’s not fond of having you cling to his back, but his sides or front is fine.

- Barbatos tends to keep an eye on you and it’s really hard to tell, but if you’re in the same room as him he’s keeping tabs on what you’re doing. You could swear he has eyes on the back of his head, because he always seems to know what you’re up to. In reality, he really just likes seeing how you look when you’re focused, or, alternatively, when you’re completely zoned out and off in space, thinking of something completely random and irrelevant to the current situation. He’ll come up and tap your forehead and smile at you when it looks like you’re back in the room again.

Solomon

- Solomon isn’t super affectionate and he’s not really an acts of kindness kind of guy. The most important thing for him is proximity; he doesn’t need you pressed up against his side all the time, but he likes having you in the same room as him as often as possible. You spend your evenings in his room in Purgatory Hall, laying or his bed or working at his desk, as he busies away with some new spell or writes down results of experiments with different potion ingredients. He doesn’t bother thinking too hard about it and just accepts it, but the reality is that it’s very calming and comforting for him. He’s also not someone who worries much about being judged or anything, so regularly having another person around doesn’t bother him.

- He asks for your input a lot. Simply put, he wants to hear you talk, and he’d love to know what makes you tick and how your brain works. “What do you think of this?” “How do you think Satan would react if...” and so on. So many ‘what if’ questions that it might make your head spin, because he’s always playing a game in his head of ‘what would happen if...’ despite rarely following through with it outside of experimenting with his magic and potions, and he wants to involve you in it too.

- Solomon doesn’t mind holding hands, and likes to play silly games when you are. Things like having thumb wars, or he’ll tangle his fingers up with yours and watch, amused, as you try and fail to pull your hand from his grip. Afterwards he’ll hold your hand with both of his and run his fingers and thumbs over it to soothe you. He also likes to just rest his hand on top of yours when you’re sitting beside each other.

- He’s going to try to be affectionate if it’s something you seem to want, and just out of curiosity. The one thing that sticks is that, if you’re cooking for him (because he’s not allowed to) he’ll wrap his arms around your waist and hug you from behind, his chin in your shoulder as he watches whatever you’re doing. He’ll blow air at the side of your face or at your fringe / bangs if you have them, so long as you’re not doing anything too dangerous and aren’t at risk of getting seriously injured.

- Bonus: If Solomon calls you and says “try this” or “drink some of this” don’t do it. Or at the very least, ask about any possible effects first. Moreso for food than for potions; he’ll find a way to reverse the potion, but the memory of eating his food will be stuck with you forever.

- Bonus bonus: Solomon loves giving you squishy hugs but he will squeeze you too tight and he will laugh even if he feels your spin click against his arms as you yelp. He won’t hurt you, but he will squeeze you hard enough that breathing will be difficult for a moment. You can tell from his smirk that he doesn’t feel guilty at all.

Simeon

- Simeon likes having you play with his hair. The way you twirl strands of hair between your fingers and try and fail to make a mess of his soft locks, which always return to their place no matter how hard you try to stop them. Bonus points for innocently wandering fingers that brush down the sides of his face, thumbs and fingers that ever so lightly brush along his cheekbones or around and under his jaw. He relaxes into your touch, eyes fluttering closed before he opens them just enough to smile at you, silent but oh so visibly delighted.

- If he knows it won’t make you sick and it’ll wipe off, he actually quite likes to draw on your hands and arms. He’ll let you do it in return, of course, but simple doodles and patterns, hearts and diamonds and sweet little reminders you’ll see later when you have to wash them off.

- Laying on your stomachs with your sides pressed together on a thin, soft blanket, knees bent and legs swinging in the air as you both read the same book. Simeon always finishes the pages first and so you take charge of just turning the pages, until he mumbles that he had lost focus - he’d been too busy watching your expressions, almost lulled to sleep by listening to your gentle breathing and wondering if you were enjoying the story and what your thoughts on it were, trying to piece it all together without disturbing you.

- You pass him at RAD or out in the Devildom and you don’t necessary stop, but he always waves, and god is it impossible to ignore how he lights up. His eyes gleam and he looks so, so happy just to see you and be reminded of your existence and if you’ve been unsure before about how truthful he’s being when he says he loves you and adores being around you, that look on his face will erase all your doubts. He’s beautiful and he’s glowing and it’s because he saw you!

Luke

- It’s an obvious one but baking together! Making cakes and decorating them. Letting stress out as you knead bread, experimenting with making different types of pastries. One time you make a batch of cupcakes and decorate them to look like dogs and he feels really sad when people eat them but he’s proud all the same, and he likes that he gets to feel proud around you.

- He acts like he’s indifferent, but he quite likes when you call him your brother. If you call him your little brother, he’ll protest because he’s hundreds of years older than you in reality, but he allows it after a while. So long as he can call you his big sibling in return, it’s worth it. If any of the brothers tease him over being the little brother, he remarks that at least you trust him and care for him so much as to call him your brother. None of them can really respond to that.

- Pat! Him! On! The! Head! Adjust his scarf! Fix his hat! He doesn’t understand why he enjoys it so much, but then Simeon points out that it probably makes him feel cared for, and that’s absolutely it. No teasing works or harsh gestures, just little acts that show you care about him or are thinking about him. It makes him feel so safe and happy.

- He always remembers things on your schedule for you, from little reminders that you might forget about to big important events. The only other person he does that for is Simeon, so it’s really a big deal for him - he shows enough interest to listen to you and remember all the little details you tell him, and then to reach out to you and make sure you remember or just to say he hopes you have a good time. If it’s something stressful, he might not message beforehand, but he’ll show up when it’s over with some treats and act like he just happened to be baking today and had some to spare.

Tag list: @katsukis-sad-angel

#obey me #obey me shall we date #my headcanons #obey me undateables #obey me Diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #my writings #this is enough for now right? ;u;#fluff #hhh I don’t feel so sure about this one I’m sorry if it’s bad. I know the for #formatting is awful *#if you wanna be tagged in longer headcanon posts in future or even small fluff posts let me know!

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zhongliologist · 3 years

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Missing You | Zhongli

Pairing: Zhongli x gender neutral!reader

Genre: Fluff/ slightly suggestive

Words: 2.5k

A/N: just some brainworms bc the zhongli tag needs more content skskks;; if u liked this, and want the nsfw continuation, pls tell me!!

There was only one time of the year where you could meet him.

When a hundred lanterns glow golden like bright cor lapis before a deep dark sky, when Mt. Tianheng itself tremor and bow to its very bosom as the Guili Plains remember the hundreds of battles which shook its very ground, when the rich harbor city flourishes itself with aromatic dishes and throes of lively visitors from afar only to see one single important event.

There was only one time of the year where you could meet him, and it was only during the Rite of Descension.

"Did you wait for long?"

A familiar voice greeted, warm and deep. The book on your hands now brought down to your lap as soon as you heard it, waiting for your visitor to find you sitting by the windy balcony. It didn't take long though when you heard his heavy footsteps and the rustling of his clothes.

"Zhongli…"

You whispered solemnly to the wind as you took a side glance at him, seeing that he had never changed even for one bit.

He still had those piercing amber eyes that seem to know more than he had dared to show; the same silky dark hair tied neatly in a low ponytail which rivals the softness of pink silkflowers in spring, and a tall handsome gait that purports old wisdom and intelligence to anyone he encounters.

It was really him. Zhongli.

The only man you ever loved.

He took one step closer, caressing your cheeks from behind; his eyes softening for a moment when he felt your hands cover his as you melted under his touch. There was something about you that he couldn't quite describe; a certain quality, like a gentle warmth opening inside his chest which made his rigidity crumble into ruins.

"Your hands are cold," you whispered to the inside of his wrist, giving a small kiss to his skin. Your own hands intertwined with his, gently and slowly touching his fingers as to embed the memory of his touch to your mind, for days when you couldn’t see him.

“And yours are warm,” he remarked, looking down on you with a ghost of a smile as you gazed up into his eyes. “Warmer than anything I’ve ever touched in this world.”

A small rumble of a chuckle escaped from your lips. “You always say the most poetic of things.”

At your comment, he raised one elegant brow. “Do you not like it? I could stop if you wish, my love.”

Nestling into one of his palms, you closed your eyes yet your smile never faltered. “No, please don’t stop. I really like that about you—how you view and describe things with such beautiful words. It makes the world more colorful.”

“Is that so?”

His voice was neutral but you can tell he felt relieved by your response. He may not show much, but to you, he is one incredibly endearing man. The way he would share his love for Liyue’s history and culture to you so enthusiastically; or the way he would be so thoughtful and considerate whenever you felt like the ground would swallow you whole. He has always been your anchor, a rock for you to hold on. Hopefully, he felt the same as well.

“You’ve given my world so much color, you know?” You replied back with a grin, “So much, that you can hardly imagine.”

Bent down to steal one small peck from your lips, Zhongli gave a deep chuckle as he stared into your eyes with his own—which to you looked as if they held the secrets of the universe.

“Ah, would you look at this. You aren’t as bad as a poet either,” he remarked with lilt of a playful tone in his voice. “Perhaps you can sell your own book someday.”

You snorted, grinning. “Are you teasing me now, Zhongli?”

“Surely not. Must be your imagination,” he replied before closing the gap between your lips once again.

This time, you both didn’t let go, just enjoying the feeling of each other’s lips against the other in a slow but sensual kiss. You held on to him tightly as your hands easily finding purchase around his neck, while he kept his hands on your cheeks. Eventually, the both of you pulled away.

In a breathless whisper, you asked. “Is it my imagination or are you much needier this time?”

Zhongli can only look at you with eyes mellow and soft, bearing no words of explanation, but for some reason it was enough for you to realize his answer. You cupped his cheek for a moment and gave him another kiss.

“I missed you, YN.”

Those words held so much weight compared to everything he had said so far. Those words which directly reflected the turbulent feelings in his heart which he could no longer control. All the longing he had to endure when he was away from you, and the thought of you patiently waiting for this exact moment in time was enough for him to pour it all out in those few measly words which most people take for granted.

You understood all of that and smiled sweetly at him. “And I’m right here, right now. Let’s enjoy these next few days where we can be together, alright?”

As his thumb traced circles on your cheeks, the worry in his expression gradually faded away and was replaced by an endearing smile. Yes, there was really something about you that just makes his chest clench so tightly.

“Why don’t we go inside? It feels a bit drafty out here,” he suggested as he straightened up, refusing to let go of your hand even after you had already stood up and started walking inside the room.

“So how was it, your business trip?” You asked, placing the book you were reading before on top of a stout cabinet as Zhongli found himself seated on your bed.

For a moment, he only stared at you with his hand on his chin. “Business trip?”

“Don’t you go on business trips for almost the entire year?” you asked him, wondering why he could forget such an important detail.

“Ah, yes. The business trip…,” he replied, still looking as if he was thinking deeply about it. “It was…splendid.”

“You talk as if you haven’t really been there,” you remarked jadedly, eyes narrowing at him while you untied the heavy braids on your hair.

“Well, my thoughts are always here in Liyue, and my heart, in you.”

“You’ve gotten pretty good at sweet talking, haven’t you?” you asked as you pursed your lips. “Childe has been rubbing off on you.”

To be clearly honest, you always thought Zhongli was a pretty suspicious person. You hardly knew anything about him except for the fact that he works for the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor and has an abundant knowledge about Liyue and its culture. He never really talks about his family or his childhood. And you were absolutely sure the business trips were phony.

Where does he go for almost a year then? Why is he only available during the Rite of Descension?

Well, those were questions which you didn’t really care for the answer.

“I assure you, my love, that I am only speaking the truth,” he told you indignantly as you got closer to him. “Not a day passes by without me longing for your touch, for the sound of your voice, for your love.”

“I’ve missed you too, Zhongli,” you replied, grinning as you placed your hands on his shoulders. “You and all of you.”

There you were standing before him while he easily placed his arms around your waist, drawing you closer to him as if by instinct. Cupping his cheeks, you could only smile at his flattering words; amused by his strange quips.

“It pains me to know how long you await my arrival every year. How it must have felt lonely to you when I am away, and I am no different. I wish for the day to come where I am allowed to embrace you like this forevermore,” he said as he closed his eyes to feel the gentleness of your fingertips.

“Wasn’t it you who told me time is irrelevant?” you asked, giggling. “A second may pass by forever; and forever may pass by in a second.”

“Yes,” he agreed, nuzzling on your chest as his hands roamed your lower back. “Time neither flows forward nor backward. It skips and jumps and goes by in a blink of an eye. There is no arrow of time. I know that all too well.”

You arched a brow at him. “You do?”

For once, Zhongli smirked as he deftly guided your back to the bed and hovered just above you. “As a matter of fact, you are no stranger to it as well.”

“Me?” you asked in bewilderment, wondering where he was going on with this. “I’m sure time moves normally for me.”

“Ah, was that too cryptic?” he asked when his face was just a few inches away from you. “If words lend no help, then perhaps my actions will make you understand.”

Without waiting for any reply, Zhongli pressed his lips against yours in a searing kiss. Moving sensually yet at the same time as gently as he could, you couldn’t help but give into the kiss; your arms wrapping around his shoulders without second thought.

“Zhongli…mmn…” you whispered as you felt his hands creep underneath your clothes. “What…”

Instead of responding, he only pushed deeper; waiting for a moment to push his tongue pass your lips. You weren’t able to resist him and could only gasp as he intertwined with yours. It left you in a daze as the heat of the moment rushed to your cheeks, making you sweat. You could only cling to him tightly while enjoying a kiss you had waited for almost a year.

Eventually, he pulled away and glanced at you, breathless and eyes blown wide. Then and there you finally understood what he meant by knowing it all too well, when you felt that the kiss was too short, too fast.

“It has dawned on you, hasn’t it, my love?” he asked with a smile, before pressing small kisses to your cheeks, to your forehead; then to your nose and tracing back to your lips. “How time often flies too fast…how time often moves too slowly. It’s as if you have become the master of my time.”

“Funny how you said the exact same thing when we first met,” you replied as you brush his locks away from his face.

“Have I?” he asked with a thoughtful expression. “That is no surprise, however. You made my whole day vanish in a second.”

Without removing your hands from his cheeks, you gently caressed him as you replied. “Did you enjoy my company that much?”

“In fact, I do,” he said as he gazed right into your eyes, as if putting you under his spell. “Not too many have an interest in Liyue’s past traditions in this present day. It was a wonder to have met you that day.”

“Well, it is my job as a scholar to research about these things It’s only natural for me to be interested,” you told him. “It’s amazing how meeting you felt too long ago, and now we’re here.”

To Zhongli, those were days when time seemed to move in a snail’s pace. Days crept and months crawled so slowly as the growing desire to see you only became stronger and more prominent. Whenever he was away from you, he was worried he might not see you again when he returns to Liyue. Year after year, that fear was simply exacerbated by his greed for your love.

“You are my one and only, YN,” he told you as he stole one chaste kiss before nuzzling on your shoulders, and taking in your scent. “I shall do everything in my power in order to be with you. Even if I have to make a deal with the devil. I promise you that.”

You could only sigh at his declaration. There was no way you could possibly convince him out of that thought—it wasn’t obvious, but he can be fairly stubborn. Yet even so, you’ll try.

“Zhongli, you don’t have to do anything. I am content with waiting for you. Even if I feel lonely, even if I we can’t be together like other couples do, I’ll stay with you because you’re the only person I will ever love.”

You continued after a beat as he lifted his head up to gaze into your eyes; his amber orbs glimmering against the reflection of the night.

“If time moves however it wants to, and the concept of the ‘past’ and the ‘future’ no longer matter, then I will only think about the ‘present’,” you replied, your hand brushing his long silky hair, feeling the strands between your fingers. “A present where you and I exist at the same place and at the same time is all that matters now.”

As you said those words, Zhongli caught your hand and began kissing your fingers gently one by one. By now, he might’ve kissed you for a hundredth time already. Maybe at the end of the night, the number will go so far as to a million.

“Very well said, my love,” he remarked with a smile, still not done kissing your palm. “How is it that you know exactly what I feel?”

“I could say the same to you.” You grinned as you held on to his coat, “Now, take these off. We don’t have all night.”

Zhongli raised a brow at you with a rather enigmatic smile as he sat up straight. “As far as I remember, have you not told me that you care not for time?”

You pursed your lips at his subtle teasing. “Do you want me or not?”

Making a low chuckle, Zhongli simply glanced at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes. While he may not be the type to flirt as much, he just knows what buttons to push to make you feel like putty in his hands.

“Forgive me, my love.” He crawled back to you, easily unfastening his coat and vest, as it slid on the floor with a loud rustle. “I was unaware of your excitement. Allow me to rectify.”

“You want this as much as I do,” you retorted back as your arms easily wrapped themselves around his broad shoulders. “Correct me if I’m wrong.”

Zhongli scoffed and smirked as he threw his tie right on the floor—that looked downright sexy. “There is nothing to correct.”

In a heartbeat, Zhongli once again captured your lips, and it was nothing like before. Passion burning like a wildfire as your lips moved against each other in a frenzy; breaths too heavy as excitement made your heart pound in erratic beats. Every kiss you could’ve shared in a single year poured into one moment, as he pushed deeper into your mouth; as his hands easily found your skin to touch.

“Zhongli…wait!” You muttered breathlessly as he moved to pepper kisses down your jaw and to your neck.

“I have waited long enough, my love,” he replied, his lips now nibbling on your earlobe; his unbuttoned shirt easily revealing his toned chest as he moved closer to you.

“I cannot wait for much longer.”

#genshin impact #zhongli #zhongli fanfiction #zhongli imagines #zhongli scenarios #genshin impact scenarios

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

Note

voice lines!!!

ok !!! here are nell’s voice lines (a lot are utc bc this got long)

▶ Hello - Pleasure to meet you! I’m Nell and I’m a reporter for the Teyvat Times. I heard you have a story for me? Are you willing to share? C’mon, please?

▶ Chat: Sidekick - Want to join me? I’ve always wanted a little sidekick on my adventures! All the cool heroes and stuff always have one! Granted, I don’t really have a secret identity that requires one...

▶ Chat: Truth - The world will reveal its secrets to those who are willing to find them. As for everyone else, well… they’ll just read the newest expose I post in the Teyvat Times!

▶ Chat: Leads - We can’t sniff out a new lead and answers if we’re just standing around. Just… give me a second to fix my Kamera.

▶ When It Rains - Rain or shine, the news must carry on! Just… Can you hold the umbrella while I take pictures? If the lens gets wet, it blurs the photographs.

▶ When Thunder Strikes - Haha, spooky! Hopefully we don’t get electrocuted… that would be rather inconvenient.

▶ When It Snows - It doesn’t often snow back in Fontaine, but I always enjoyed when the rivers would freeze over as a kid. I just wonder what happens to the fish. Do they freeze too?

▶ When the Sun Is Out - Beautiful weather makes the job easier! I’m usually stuck inside interviewing people all day, so I’ll gladly take this moment to soak up some sun… maybe even close my eyes for a few minutes… sit under a tree… sleep… *yawn* Oh? Was I dozing off? I can’t doze off now! There’s a festival today downtown. I should report on that instead!

▶ Good Morning - Rise and shine, darling! Evil lurks in the night and while you and I might not vanquish it, we can at least report on the aftermath! Oh..? I’m a bit too eager to find out what atrocities happened in the night..? Hm. Maybe...

▶ Good Night - Night time already? If you really insist, I suppose I can wind down. But, uh, wake me up if you hear any weird noises! If it’s any bugs though, you’re on your own.

▶ About Nell: Persistence - Growing up, my mother always told me that persistence is key to achieving your dreams! Therefore, if someone says “no” to an interview, you can ask them approximately 11.852 more times on average before they start threatening you with a restraining order! Never give up… except when the law requires it!

▶ About Nell: Reporting - Some say reporters are opportunistic fiends who only seek to further their own careers and line their pockets with Mora. Me? Do I lie? Well… my name isn’t actually Nell, it’s Eleonora… so I guess I lie sometimes, but I promise to only tell the truth and help others in my reporting! I swear!

▶ About Us: Interview - Wow, you can fight really well! Wait… you’re the Outlander? The one who defeated Tartaglia? The one who stopped Stormterror? The one who helped the Qixing fight against Osial? Oh my archons, Nell, contain your excitement! Sorry, sorry, I was getting carried away… could I interview you? Pretty please?

▶ About Us: Compatibility - Ah, you’re so cool, Traveler! With you, drama always seems to follow. I think that makes us a great pair! So, what do you want me to report on next..? Your missing sibling..? Oh. Of course! Who doesn’t love a good reunion story? I’ll gladly help!

▶ About the Vision - I bet you probably weren’t expecting me to have a Vision! Well… neither was I. A lot of people tend to have powerful reasons as to why they have their Visions and why they use them but I kinda just found mine in the way I find any other new story… by accident. Nonetheless, a great reporter uses every tool at their disposal and if a Vision was granted to me, then I’ll be sure to wield it with pride!

▶ Something to Share: Lineage - My family name is not one of great prestige, nor are my family members anything worth writing home about. I believe that the life of someone should not be dictated by who they are related to, but rather how they choose to make a name for themselves. People who hide behind the prestige of their names are often cowards and yet they often have the best sources for my news. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

▶ Something to Share: Fontaine - Want to know a secret? Don’t tell anyone this, okay? I’m not a very strong swimmer. I’m kind of scared of water, despite my Vision!

▶ Interesting Things - I break my Kamera a lot, but mechanics are expensive. If you ever break yours, I can probably fix it for you! You won’t have to pay me for anything. Just... please don’t charge me if I accidentally break it even further, haha.

▶ About Albedo - Albedo? Haha… He’s rather cute. Plus, he always listens when I talk to him! ... I think. I can never tell if I’m actually holding his attention or not… But, he thinks reporters are dumb, therefore he is dumb. I don’t care how many alchemic achievements he finds. Someone who cannot understand how important news is is someone that I cannot respect.

▶ About Amber - Outrider Amber is lovely! She’s one of the few people in the town who actually listens to all I have to say. It’s amazing, really. Everyone loves her, even standoffish Eula! If you ever need help from the Knights, Amber is probably your best bet!

▶ About Rosaria - Y’know, at first, I wasn’t quite sure if Sister Rosaria liked me. Now? … Well, I’m still not very certain. I’m nervous to talk about her. She seems like the type to have a weird sixth sense for this type of thing. She does save me when I get into trouble, though! For a while I thought she was the Darknight Hero, but I realized that Rosaria is… Ah, forget it! Let’s just say I owe her one.

▶ About Diluc: Darknight Hero - The Darknight Hero is one of the most interesting stories I’ve covered in a long time! It’s taken me down a long path of getting to know people, especially Master Diluc of Dawn Winery. Kaeya was helpful enough to point him out as a potential source on the topic. No, Diluc isn’t the Darknight Hero, silly. He just knows a guy who knows a guy, that’s all.

▶ About Diluc: Comradery -At first, I could have sworn Diluc hated me! But apparently, he’s just like that with everyone. Now, I’d say we’re pretty good friends… I think? I’m never quite sure where I stand with him. He’s both open yet awkward around me at the same time… But, he ultimately has been helpful with some of my reporting. If it was up to me, I’d say we’re the best of friends! Please don’t tell him I said that though, he’d probably say I’ve had too much to drink and cut me off for the night.

▶ About Diluc: Love - Love? Why are you asking me about Diluc and love? Gods, both you and Kaeya are insufferable about this. Wait, what? You think Diluc has a crush on me? There’s no possible way a guy like him would give me a second glance! You and Kaeya are awful about this… stop teasing me. Diluc is the type to have whole newspapers dedicated to him and me..? Well, I’m just a reporter, that’s all. Oh? You’re asking if I like him? Well, um… that’s classified information!

▶ About Lisa - Lisa makes me wish I ran a gossip column instead! Conversation with her is never dull and somehow she knows everything about everyone. Afternoon tea consists of tea in more ways than one!

▶ About Jean - The Acting Grand Master of Mondstadt is far more gracious to me than most political figures are. However, I can’t help but feel as if I’m intruding whenever I speak to her. She’s sweet, but she just seems like she has a lot on her plate and even I don’t want to add any more to that.

▶ About Keqing - The Yuheng is a very respectable figure, but if she’s at any Qixing press conference, you’re almost guaranteed to get no exciting news. She brushes off any pressing questions by saying they’re “off topic” and “irrelevant”. It’s frustrating, especially when she uses it to evade the things that really matter!

▶ About Xiao - Hey! That’s that dude that lives in Wangshu Inn! Well, I suppose he’s not a dude but rather an immortal adeptus. He’s hellbent on avoiding me. He hates my guts. I just want to interview him about his thousands of years of life! It’ll only take a few days! Why does he keep teleporting away from me? Ugh. Immortals are so haughty.

▶ About Kaeya: Trust - Oh? Captain Kaeya? He’s rather funny and is my closest drinking buddy in Mondstadt. However, don’t try to get any info out of him. He’s full of shi- haha, pardon me, I mean… Um… Kaeya likes to lie. He won’t even tell me the truth in truth or dare! You picked truth, buddy, now fess up! Sorry… I like him, I swear I do! But I guess I shouldn’t expect the truth when I ask him why he has an eyepatch. After all, even I don’t have a wild enough imagination to truly believe he was raised by pirates… although I could cross-reference this with Beidou and see if she has any information...

▶ About Venti - The bard that’s always in Dil- Master Diluc’s tavern? He’s a bit strange and, while his songs are informative, music of that style is a bit noisy and overwhelming to me. However, I do find it incredibly interesting that he looks exactly like the Barbatos statue in front of the cathedral, yet nobody discusses it. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?

▶ About Nell: I - I’m a reporter first and human second! Or… am I a human first and reporter second? I can’t remember what the boss said sounded less creepy… Well, at least I know I’m a reporter and a human!

▶ About Nell: II - Freedom of the press ensures that people always have a voice. Being a reporter can be dangerous, especially if you’re assigned to tempestuous regions like Inazuma, but it’s a job I take pride in. Information must be spread to all so the public can make informed decisions.

▶ About Nell: III - Home? Home is wherever my job takes me! Sometimes its Mondstadt, sometimes its Liyue, sometimes its Snezhnaya… oh. Fontaine? Even though that’s where the Teyvat Times headquarters are and it’s where I grew up, I wouldn’t necessarily call it home. At one point, I would have, but… things change. If I have to settle down anywhere, I would choose the wintry tundra of Snezhnaya before I even think about living in Fontaine again.

▶ About Nell: IV - Growing up, everyone always said I was a free spirit. I’m kind of like the seelies you see around Mondstadt… Yes, I wander, but ultimately I always return to the same path. Am I guarding a treasure? Haha, maybe… if you consider knowledge to be a treasure, that is. Ah, this doesn’t make very much sense, does it? I’ve never been the type to be good at poetry. I’m better off sticking to just facts.

▶ About Nell: V - My end goal..? I’m not quite sure what it is yet. I prefer to live in the moment and inspire others to achieve their dreams. News stories might not always be happy, but interconnectedness with the world allows people to discover what their true calling is. The feeling of the Kamera and notepad in my hands are comfortable enough. If I can help others understand this hectic world, then that’s good enough for me! I’m having a blast doing it, too.

▶ Nell’s Hobbies - Oh, would you like to look at my favorite articles? I have a book filled with articles and photographs of my own creation, including my very first headline article! Isn’t that exciting? It wasn’t too long ago, yet somehow it feels like it's been decades since then.

▶ Nell’s Troubles - I ran out of film again. You wouldn’t happen to have any on you, would you? Otherwise, I’ll have to go see if the gift shop has any in stock...

▶ Favorite Food - I really like spinach salads! It makes me feel like I’m a wild animal foraging for a nice summery meal. What? That’s weird? Sometimes it’s fun to imagine things, no matter how absurd they are.

▶ Least Favorite Food - Soup! I want to eat my food, not drink my food. If I wanted to drink my calories, I would just chug beer all the time like those drunkards who live in the taverns!

#//mail #axia.ocs

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trans-xianxian · 3 years

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Hey this isn't meant as hate (sorry if it does hurt you!! truly!) & it's long so feel free to delete but I think going after other tumblrs for what seems to be (unless I'm missing context) liking a book that you don't & haven't read properly, & having ships & fandom interests you don't like, ... I just don't think it's deserved? Like these are just Tumblrs & they're not TERFs/racists or anything actually bad? I know Lise likes "dark" ships & content but unlike most calls outs there's really nothing on their blog I would call understandably offensive? And I don't know all of them but what has alice or winepresswrath ever done? As for the gayjiangcheng incident, I find it a little surreal you're claiming he threw a fit over you mocking him when I came away from that under the impression that you were the one throwing a fit over fandom hcs bc you were having a very stressful day. Okay, to back away from something that was getting meaner than I intended, I truly think this isn't a healthy way of being in fandom. I see you complaining about "fujioshis" (using an inherently racist meaning that literal TERFs invented) yet tag "mdzs" despite not wanting to interact with book fans, & complaining about fandom tropes like trans hcs, & this is just not healthy! You do have some valid points I'm not discrediting that but they're often very ill-applied! This is the perspective of someone your age: please stop creating fights on the internet & find something meaningful for yourself that isn't inaccurately applying social inequality in places where it is irrelevant. These people aren't hurting anyone, but you are sending harassment their way which hurts them, & you are hurting yourself. I'm very sorry you have experienced transphobic attacks (I have read what posts I could find that seemed pertinent) but you aren't giving others the same empathy. I'm very sorry, I'm sure you are getting a lot of hate rn over this, & I very much hope that you have a really good day when this is all over.

well for starters I'm not "going after" anybody. I'm curating my space, and I clearly state that in my post. I'm not "sending them harassment" either. I don't even want my post to be reblogged because I don't want it to be spread around and cause problems. for anybody. I'm simply trying to make it very clear what environment I want on this blog. I'm not sending any hate, I'm not being rude or aggressive, I'm not encouraging others to do those things, I'm just setting boundaries. putting out of list of blogs that I don't want people who support to interact with me, isn't the horrible attack you seem to be interpreting it as. I don't need a lecture from you about how I should run my silly little blog on tumblr dot com or what you think I've done wrong in my life. I do not know you, and you do not know me. I find it very inappropriate that you're trying to come into my inbox and tell me what actions of mine are unhealthy or what things are making me unhappy. I appreciate that you're not yelling at me and calling me names, but you've still crossed a boundary, and I don't understand why you're spending your time trying to shame somebody who disagrees with you on a fundamental level

almost everybody on that list is there because they ship incest or pedophilia pairings, or have stated that they're okay with people who do. but since that probably isn't something you'd take issue with, I'm not going to waste my time explaining what all of them did and will just elaborate on one person on the list that maybe you'll care about: ky/uhudraws literally gives asian characters yellow skin in their art. they also like h*talia

have a good day

#I'm not going to go into the other things you bring up because a) I've already talked abt them at length #and b) I'm not going to waste my time and energy doing something that will have no impact on you #also no. no I'm not getting a lot of hate over this right now actually #ask #anon #not mdzs

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radramblog · 3 years

Text

What happened to Dirk in Homestuck^2?

Why am I doing this to myself.

I memed a little yesterday when I was posting that article around social medias about Homestuck jokes, because once again we are in lockdown and I am therefore Stuck at Home. Canned laughter goes here. But there’s a topic related to the comic- or more specifically, its aborted sequel, Homestuck^2, that I’m interested in delving into a little bit. I’m going to avoid talking about spoilers as much as possible, but considering said comic takes place not only after the events of the massive sprawl that is Homestuck but also the more linear but still messy Epilogues, some amount of sus shit is inevitable.

Anyway. Much maligned is what the Epilogues and 2 did to everyone’s favourite decapitation target, Dirk Strider, and I have a theory as to why it happened this way.

To begin with, let’s summarise what and who Dirk is through the course of the comics. Fair warning from me, though, it’s been a while since I read through this.

Dirk Strider is a teenager who grew up in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, completely devoid of physical contact with other people and only really ever gets to talk to 3 other people, only one of whom is in anything remotely resembling a relatable situation. He struggles with self-identity, having created numerous robots including an artificial intelligence based on his own brain, aka Lil’ Hal. He’s somewhat of a control freak, and a bit of a cold aloof asshole, but means well, and is pretty gay. NBD. The kinda guy to set up a plan meticulously and thoroughly, not informing any of the moving parts even if said parts are his friends, and often involving some form of self-sacrifice.

Throughout the comic he further reckons with self-identity problems and his own self-loathing including entering a relationship with Jake which doesn’t go well and he eventually breaks off since he knows his overbearing and manipulative behaviour is Not Cool and Pretty Toxic but doesn’t know how to shut it off. Eventually he reaches the God Tier as a Prince of Heart, gaining the power to literally annihilate souls, which he never actually uses since he gets yeeted into deep (Paradox) space and then everything goes to shit. Except none of that happens because of the Retcon (aside from the God Tier bit) and we don’t actually see how that shit progressed in the canon timeline. I think. Dirk’s arc, as it were, doesn’t really come full circle- while he does assist in Dave’s character…growth? he really isn’t the focus of that conversation. This immediately precedes the action climax and there isn’t literally any dialogue after that so that’s what we’re left with.

I like Dirk in Homestuck a lot. It’s hard not to, considering the flashes heavily featuring him (Unite/Synchronise and Prince of Heart: Rise Up) are genuinely excellent, along with many of his music themes being absolute bangers. He gets to interact with Caliborn a lot, with a pretty great banter, there, and the whole splintered personality thing is a really interesting hook for a character. I think he’s my favourite of the Alpha kids, a controversial pick considering I know everyone loves Roxy so much. I think, I’m not as in tune with the fandom as that statement implies I am.

And then the Epilogues/Homestuck 2 came.

Now I read the Meat half of the epilogues first, but that’s more interesting, so we’ll tackle Candy first (this is going to get real confusing for those who haven’t read this comic, huh).

In Candy, Dirk almost immediately kills himself, citing the irrelevance of the timeline as cause, an act considered by whatever mechanism governs God Tier deaths to be Just because he hates himself (and also bc of things we’ll get into), so it actually sticks. This isn’t super relevant for the discussion, but that’s just kinda so unbelievably fucked up? Entirely? I’d imagine if you read Candy first you might get entirely turned off by this, which I’m sure a lot of people did.

Meat is where the, well, meat of post-canon Dirk is. You see, a concept very quickly introduced in the tail end of the original comic is the Ultimate Self, an idea where you somehow encompass every different timeline iteration or alternate version of yourself. This was pretty clearly tacked on to make it so characters whose arcs all happened in the retcon timeline could have their not getting an actual arc explained away, but it didn’t land then and it sure doesn’t land for me now. Anyway, in Meat, Dirk becomes his ultimate self, making him near-omniscient and able to control the fabric of the story himself- for much of this story, he is the narrator. And he uses this power to fuck with all his friends really distressingly without their knowledge (or consent), including breaking up a marriage, in order to further his own goals which largely appear to be just keep the story going so to not fade out of relevance. It’s a plot that makes no sense with his previous characterisation, but I guess now that he’s the Ultimate Self he’s a different person? But I liked old Dirk, and I don’t like New Dirk. He’s a villain now, but he made a much better anti-hero.

But this would be fine if he (or the epilogues, or Homestuck^2) were written well. But they aren’t. Dirk’s dialogue is long, painfully drawn out, with tangents that tend to amount to pure wank, misused literary references and pointless metaphors that go on and on, filling the screen with a bright orange screed that hurts to look at as much as it does to comprehend. It’s not fun. And we’ve seen Dirk communicate before, obviously, the story of Homestuck is built around chatlogs, but it wasn’t like this. He was sarcastic, dryly witty, blunt at times. Even when he was literally talking to a different version of himself it didn’t get that masturbatory.

I was so confused about what the hell happened to Dirk, because I had no idea what the hell someone writing this character was thinking when they turned him into this. And then, the 21st page of Homestuck^2 dropped.

And it all came together.

What Ultimate Dirk and Terezi are referring to is Pony Pals: Detective Pony, a children’s book about some girls who hang out with ponies and solve a mystery. It’s a real book, buy it for your 5-year-old.

Except they’re not referring to that, they’re referring to the Homestuck Canon version of Detective Pony- a birthday gift from Dirk to Jane, heavily edited and to be much more obscene and eventually developing into it’s own story, stated to be “tough, emotionally draining, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible”.

Except the quote “Remember Longcat, Jane?” and references to philosophy, dead languages, and ancient earth culture aren’t referring to the three pages of the Dirk-edited Detective Pony we see in the actual comic itself. That quote doesn’t appear there.

That image is from Detective Pony, by Sonnetstuck- the 40,000 word fanfiction from 2014 that serves as a completed version of Jane’s copy of the book. An expansion of what we see in canon. And it’s a tough, emotionally draining read, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible.

It’s a very good fanfiction.

In the later bits of Detective Pony, we can start to see the origins of what would become Ultimate Dirk’s signature style of writing. Long blocks of rambling text, orange dripping down the page, references to philosophy and history and language that go on and on. And it probably does look familiar to those who read the Epilogues and ^2.

But there are a couple of key differences here. First of all, it’s just better written? The way these rambles circle back on themselves is so excellent, the absolute absurdity of this being written on top of a pony book for little girls, the humour (beyond some of the more immature stuff), it’s just a really well-written piece of fiction. Hell, you don’t even need to be familiar with the character of Dirk to enjoy it. It’s a harrowing piece, but it’s also self-aware- because it’s not supposed to be tough, draining, cathartic etc. just for Jane- it’s clearly that for Dirk himself.

The second part is, of course, that this is a fanfiction. It’s not canon, it’s not official, this is by someone who really likes Dirk for people who really like Dirk. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so if you bounce off it (and I’m sure a lot did), then you don’t have to keep reading it, it’s fine, thanks for playing. As much as Homestuck^2 tried to doll itself up as “dubiously canon” it’s still the official continuation of the story, and that means if it’s as difficult to get into as Detective Pony, that’s going to be a problem for a lot of people.

The other part of it is that Detective Pony’s exploration of Dirk’s character is, well, in character. When the man himself steps in as a character in his own book, the explorations of what he is as an author, who he is as a person, make perfect sense for what we see of him at the start of the comic. He is that manipulative, blunt person, and he is aware of his faults. He’s the kind of person to hide a lamentation on his own failings inside an impenetrable maze of a story layered on top of a book about fucking ponies. Ultimate Dirk does not act like Dirk, outside of the “manipulator” angle, something that Dirk was aware of and trying to improve in the comic. But I guess people don’t have arcs, right?

It’s so interesting to see the seeds of Homestuck^2 laden within Detective Pony- because the meta angle that and the epilogues take is also represented in said fanfiction. While the nature of canon is a facet of the work, the idea of authors and narrators fighting for control of a story, different ideas in mind for the characters, one being more personally connected to them than the other, it’s all there. When I wrote about Fallout 4 in the past, I mentioned being worried that Bethesda took the wrong lessons from Skyrim- seeing something successful and trying to recapture that lightning in a bottle. I think Homestuck^2 is an extreme example of this- the writers of the comic saw Sonnetstuck’s masterwork and thought, yeah that’s great, we can do that. But they just can’t. And with the comic crashed and burning, the probably won’t ever get a chance to. Dirk is forever stuck as this amalgamation of himself that looks nothing like any individual version of him ever did.

At least we will still have Detective Pony, and many other excellent fanworks, for actually good Dirk content. I admittedly haven’t looked into much fanfic written during/post-epilogues, and I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll see- I can only hope the fanbase didn’t take the same wrong lessons as the official team did.

#ramble #honestly more of an essay #homestuck #homestuck 2 #dirk strider #ultimate dirk #just ignore me accidentally posting this to the wrong account and having to reup it

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sunsetsover · 3 years

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Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.

(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)

no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.

like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.

which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.

like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know

if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.

i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life

like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞

#anon #question #like !!!!! i just have a lot to say !!!!!! im sorry !!!!

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unforth · 3 years

Note

Hello unforth! Thank you for your wonderful blog, and the the untamed art blog!! I followed you years ago for destiel, and you were one of the people that got me into the untamed. I watched it last summer and have been binging various cdramas ever since!! I had a question for you about reading. After watching the untamed I read the novel, and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think you’re someone who prefers the show, but if not, sorry if I’m remembering wrong… hoping you understand. I want to try reading other novels but I found the romance in mdzs to be kinda off. I guess I’m wondering if you have a recommendation for the best novel you’ve read so far? It would be great if it’s one with fanfic but if not I’m still curious to try! I hope this didn’t come off as rude about the untamed, it’s just a personal preference. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for all your work in fandom!

Howdy! *waves*

You have not misremembered, I definitely prefer the Untamed to the novel of MDZS (and I'm with you, no shade on people with different preferences, of course!). I also didn't enjoy the novel of MDZS as much as I thought I would, though I think some of that was because I read the Exiled Rebels Scanalations translation which - again, no shade, translating that was a HUGE job and kudos to them - but I do here from native speakers that some questionable translation choices were made, which can detract from some people's enjoyment of the novel (and can enhance other people's, it just depends how those translation choices relate to each person's personal likes and dislikes).

Now, I can tell you what I've read and what I've thought of each one, happily - I don't know what turned you off about MDZS specifically, beyond an aspect of the relationship dynamic, so it'll be hard for me to say which of these might appeal to you more? But, here's a list of which danmei novels I've read, and my opinion. The list is shorter than you'd think - danmei novels are long and I read slow, lol.

Note that all of these end happy, for various definitions of "happy," and the main ship is canon in all of them. Also note that I tried to avoid spoilers, but sometimes it's hard to even talk about the ship dynamic without some mild spoilers.

These are (roughly) in the order I've read them; I just finished the last a few days ago. All art is by the official artists, but I'm not always sure what their names are, sorry - I've tried to figure them out for my art blogs but it's REALLY hard.

1. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by MXTX.

(since I'm writing this post for you, and you're already familiar with it, I'm not putting in TW and plot)

My take: I figure knowing my opinion of MDZS will help you assess all this? There are things I loved about MDZS, including the book, but MDZS is still obviously trying to figure out pacing. Whereas in SVSSS, the storyline doesn't always flow that smoothly and the ending is rushed, in MDZS in my opinion the biggest issue is that she clearly didn't plan some things ahead. For example, Miangmian and Wen Ning are both introduced within a few pages of when they'll be needed to Do Shit. It shows that she hadn't quite worked everything out as she was going, and every once in a while was like, "shit shit I need a character for this thing" and hastily added them. The plot itself is better paced, though, though I could have wished for a less talky denouement. When it was the only one I read, I also often thought, "this author doesn't understand consent," and, "this author has kinks I don't share." Now that I've read all three of her books, I completely retract the first one. MXTX absolutely understands consent, and was intentionally playing with it in MDZS. Not sure if the evidence of that got lost in translation, or what, but...yeah.

Relationship Dynamic: ...the second of those opinions, I still kinda feel. The consensual non-con is just not really my thing, like I'm okay with it in small doses? And I don't love some aspects of Lan Wangji's domineering attitudes and Wei Wuxian's act of bare tolerating it. And don't get me wrong, now that I'm more familiar with her work, I think it was an intentional writing choice and I also think they're both largely roleplaying it a lot of the time...but I still don't personally enjoy it much.

2. Scum Villain Self-Saving System, by MXTX.

Genre: modern transmigration into a fantasy xianxia world.

Where to find it: English translation by BC Novels | donghua season 1

Trigger warnings for: graphic descriptions of suffering, non-con of the "fuck or die" variety, and body horror...I can't think of anything else rn?)

Plot: SVSSS is MXTX's first novel, and is a satire of classic stag harem novels. Shen Yuan, the protagonist and half the main ship, is reading a serialized web novel by "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" about a demon named Luo Binghe who has a harem of over 3,000 women and has done all kinds of ghastly awful things. He hates this novel but has read all, like, 3 million words of it or something, and trolls every chapter...until one gets him so angry that he dies...and then he wakes up in the book right around when the book starts, in the body of one of the early antagonists, a cultivator named Shen Qingqiu who abuses a young, innocent Luo Binghe physically and emotionally and, ultimately, is horribly tortured to death. Shen Yuan, in Shen Qingqiu's body, thus sets out to not be horribly tortured to death by Luo Binghe. Hijinks ensue.

My Take: In terms of my opinion of it...SVSSS secured for me that MXTX is a much more brilliant author than I thought when I'd only read MDZS. She understands tropes and subverts them brilliantly throughout the story, and from a writing standpoint, I was impressed with her. However, from a plot standpoint...she's got all the ideas but hasn't, imo, yet figured out how exactly to bring them all together. The pacing is off at times, and the ending felt abrupt to me. It's also the only danmei I've read where I ship a side ship more than the primary one (which is, of course, Shen Yuan (as Shen Qingqiu)/Luo Binghe. (also, oops...I read SVSSS after TGCF and just put them in the wrong order, oh well, not gonna change it now.)

Relationship Dynamic: In terms of relationship weirdness...it's hard to sort in that regard, because, like, it's supposed to be weird? I think it's a really interest book but I'm not sure I'd recommend it in your situation. Bingqiu's main dynamic is...uh...tolerance and obsession? They're kinda hard to describe. Shen Yuan often seems like he's just kinda putting up with Luo Binghe, whereas Luo Binghe is...god. So hard to describe, lmao. He's a big clumsy ox in a museum full of porcelain dishes and he really, really loves his Shizun. (also note that Shen Qingqiu is Luo Binghe's teacher. They don't get together until after they're not master/student, but if that's not your thing, another reason to avoid.)

3. Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX.

(art is by Starember)

Genre: historical China (loosely), xianxia (note that I'm still figuring out exactly how stuff gets classified so sorry if I get one wrong, but I think I kinda get it???)

Where to Access It: English Translation by the astonishing yummysuika | manhua (this is an official translation by Bilibili! It's a few chapters behind the actual release, but still...) | donghua season 1 is on Netflix | a live action adaptation is juuuuust getting started on script reading and filing

Trigger warnings for: MCD, temporary MCD, body horror, graphic violence, epic levels of mind fuckery, uh...genocide?...again, racism/colorism, probably other stuff, sorry, I can't take as long as I'd like to for this post so I'm not being as thorough as I oughta be.

Plot: TGCF is about Xie Lian, an 800 year old man, and it commences at the moment when, unexpectedly, he ascends to godhood...for the third time. Unfortunately, when he ascends, he accidentally does some damage in Heaven, and he has to repay that, so he gets sent back to earth to deal with a ghost who's been causing some problems. Hijinks ensue...and then fucktons of angst ensue...then more hijinks...then more angst...and basically it broke my heart like four times and I am grateful for it every day? The main ship is Xie Lian and a ghost named Hua Cheng, but it's hard to even talk about without some spoilers because of some identity shenanigans. (they're VERY mildly identity shenanigans, but still).

My Take: So, you asked what my favorite of the danmei novels I've read is? It's TGCF. TGCF is one of my favorite novels ever, and it has a growing fandom, a donghua that's on Netflix, and a live action that's just starting to film. TGCF is the culmination of the skills MXTX developed through her first two works, imo. She clearly plotted it out all from the start, and while Book 1 especially often seems kind of random - lots of elements are introduced and then kinda...apparently...forgotten? And never explained? But she actually DOES bring it ALL together and it's flat-out masterful. I'm a big fan, obviously.

Relationship Dynamic: it again depends on your preferences and what you didn't like about MDZS, and there's no way to talk about it without spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. Xie Lian ascended to godhood first at the age of 17, and right around then he also saved the life of a 10 year old boy...and that boy is Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng is a follower of Xie Lian's, in that Xie Lian is literally a god, and Hua Cheng is literally one of his followers. However, they're separated for almost 800 years, so the age difference is largely irrelevant, and while some people complain about Hua Cheng's behavior being stalkery and obsessive, I honestly think they're dead wrong. It's more like when you read a celebrity/fan AU, and it starts weird, and then they really genuinely fall in love. Like, the fan may have been in love the whole time, and how they felt about the celebrity before they really met might feel slightly ooky, but it's how they act AFTER they meet their idol that matters more, and...yeah, Hua Cheng is great, they're both great, antis fight me. Xie Lian is easily one of my favorite characters EVER, he is all my favorite tropes in one horribly, wonderfully fucked up martyristic idealistic sweet kind laid back package. I would kill for him, lmao. In terms of their relationship dynamic...they love and respect each other? There's really nothing that weird about it other than the aspects of the "fan" Hua Cheng that get revealed over time - and he's always terrified that when Xie Lian realizes what a fanboy he was, Xie Lian will be upset or disgusted, but of course Xie Lian never is. They adore each other. It's glorious. Highly recommend. :D There's also no explicit content in TGCF (unlike MXTX's other two books).

4. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (aka 2ha) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat.

Genre: original world, xianxia, time travel, dimension hopping, it's so many things, 2ha is so hard to describe lmao

Where to Access it: English Translation by the amazing yummysuika (things are complicated, though, and it's not finished) | a manhua is in the works and should be out this year | a live action called "Hao Yixing" or "Immortality" is already filmed and could theoretically air literally any time cause it's completely ready, but when will it actually come? Who knows!

Trigger warnings: all of them. Literally. MCD, temporary MCD, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, rape/non-con, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, torture, graphic violence, body horror, literal graphic onscreen horrible blood murder of a small child (I had to skip that chapter), teacher/student relationship sort of but not exactly, probably other stuff, this book is dark as fuck, and a lot of these tags apply to behavior of one half of the main ship toward the other, but...it's complicated, and there are reasons things happen, and those reasons aren't "well they're just a bad person."

Plot: This is another one that's hard to describe because there's sooooo much mind fuckery going on, but I'll try. 2ha is about Mo Ran, who rises to be the Emperor of the World, Taxian Jun, but slaughtering all who oppose him...and who is so miserable that he commits suicide, only to wake up in his 16 year old body. This is pretty much perfect from Mo Ran's point of view, because he's gone back so far that the love of his life, his fellow disciple Shi Mei, is still alive. He has a chance to fix everything that went wrong, starting with preventing his awful evil Shizun, Chu Wanning, from letting Shi Mei die.

Spoilers: the main ship in this book is Mo Ran/Chu Wanning.

Hijinks do NOT ensue. There are no hijinks in 2ha. It is all pain all the time (but I swear it ends happy).

My Take: ...well, from a structural standpoint there are some pacing issues. The book is incredibly long (over 300 chapters, over 1 million words) and there are definitely some chunks that could just be excised and it'd still be fine. However, other than that, it's pretty amazing and absolutely masterful how it's plotted. As a reader you'll spend 100+ chapters thinking you know what's going on, and who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, and how they relate to each other...and then Meatbun starts in on revealing what's ACTUALLY going on and she then spends 200 chapters repeatedly punching you in the face! Like, I went in knowing a LOT of spoilers, because the tags were so dark that I felt that for my mental health it was important I have a general idea what was going on, and I STILL ended up sobbing my eyes out (and I am NOT an easy crier and don't usually cry at books) over something I knew was coming.

Relationship Dynamic: That's about the only thing that the title accurately conveys about this book. "The Husky and His White Cat Shizun," sounds so soft and fluffy, right? That's how they get you, ha. But, Mo Ran is absolutely a big dumb husky who wants to do the right thing (well, sometimes he does) but just completely fails depressingly often. When he sees someone he likes come in the front door he WILL jump all over them and bark in their face as his way of trying to communicate affection. And Chu Wanning is equally absolutely a cat. He is emotionally constipated, poor at expressing himself, uptight, touch starved, desperate for affection, and so lonely my chest hurts when I think about him. And for how they relate to each other...well, picture that big dog greeting a loved one at the door...except that loved one is the most hide-bound proud white cat you can imagine.

That's their dynamic.

(However, also...there are multiple timelines at play, and Taxian Jun does some truly awful things to "his" Chu Wanning in the original timeline, and many of these things are graphically described, and while it's ultimately all explained, it still all HAPPENS, so if you're going to have trouble reading fucktons of abuse between the main ship, I would not recommend this book)

5. Thousand Autumns (Qianqiu) by Meng Xi Shi.

Genre: historical China (like, references actual people, as far as I can tell), xianxia

Where to Access it: ...reading Thousand Autumns is HARD, it's split over like four websites/translators. This Carrd can kinda help? I can get you the rest if you want | donghua season 1 | I heard there's a live action in the works? But I don't know more than that.

Trigger warnings: graphic violence, mentions/threats of sexual violence (but it's all stopped before things really go wrong), starvation, description of child death (from starvation), near-death, emotional/mental abuse, major semi-permanent character injury, god, minor character death, they're major characters depending on your pov, I can't actually think of others, after writing about 2ha it feels positively fluffy). Note that there's not really any explicit content, just implications of smut, and not til basically the very end and extras.

Plot: Yan Wushi, sect leader of a demonic sect, has just come out of an extended seclusion to improve his cultivation when he and one of his disciples come across a man who is wounded to the point of near death. This turns out to be Shen Qiao, the sect leader of Mount Xuandu. When Shen Qiao awakens from his wounds, he's lost his memory, AND he's blind, and Yan Wushi decides it would be great fun and an excellent use of his time to fuck with Shen Qiao by trying to turn him evil - because Yan Wushi is certain that ALL people are inherently evil, and shattering Shen Qiao's veneer of righteousness will just help prove that.

Spoilers: it's not a veneer.

Not spoilers: Not many hijinks ensue, but there are a few hijinks, and even when it's not hijinxed, it's still not that painful...usually.

My Take: despite that synopsis, a lot of the plot of Thousand Autumns is actually political, and I like political plots, so I liked that aspect of it. However, it has some serious pacing issues imo, and it's also hard to read in English atm because it's not fully translated; it's close, now, much closer than when I read it a few months ago, so it'll be easier to read soon. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's pacing problems, but rather, it's more of a sequence of multiple major plots, strung together, with the growing relationship between Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao playing out in the background. I think if I'd known there was no "one big plot" that would have actually helped me, because it kept feeling like, "Oh, THIS is the main thing," but it never was. Things would feel climactic...except then there'd be more. So it's probably better to actually think of it as more...episodic? And the episodes/stories build, and interrelate, and do have a culmination, but not all of them directly tie in, and not all the threads end up coming together/getting resolved.

Relationship Dynamic: early on, Yan Wushi is definitely abusive and manipulative, intentionally so, and I would argue that, imo, Shen Qiao falls for it. However, mid-way through, there's some big reveals, and after that when they're reunited Shen Qiao no longer takes any shit and Yan Wushi continues to act like he doesn't care even when he clearly does. They're not a typical ship in ANY WAY, and I'd say their relationship is more founded on mutual respect than on love. Indeed, in the author's notes at one point MXS actually says they doesn't see them as the kind of couple to ever exchange love declarations, and I thought that was really interesting and it really helped me to understand how they worked together because I'll own I struggled with at times. Yan Wushi is self-interested, often cruel, and ethically and morally dubious. Shen Qiao, on the other hand, could probably ascend to Daoist godhood, he's so pure. Yet...they DO work. I'd say "opposites attract" but that's ALSO not their main trope, not exactly. They're a VERY hard ship to explain, and I know some people who've read the whole book and still don't really...get them...and I've had to really think about them to wrap my head around them...but the more I've thought about them, the more I like them.

6. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo.

Genre: historical fiction set in either actual China or make-believe China, I'm not sure if this is directly incorporated any real people

Where to Access It: English Translation by Perpetual Daydreams | manhua (untranslated, I'm not sure if there's anyone translating it into English) | I think there's a live action in the works? Not sure beyond that though.

Trigger Warnings: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, drug abuse, chronic illness (different character than the drugs), manipulation, abusive, awful parents and parental figures (not all, but definitely some), some homophobia (but way less than there could have been), probably other stuff

Plot: After 7 years away, Zhong Wan returns to the capital of the Empire with the three children of his benefactor, the seven-years-dead Prince Ning. Prince Ning was executed for treason against the previous Emperor, and Zhong Wan has done all he can to protect and raise the three kids, but he's got a lot of worries about returning to the capital and what could happen to his charges if they get pulled into the politics surrounded the Emperor. But, even worse, he's got even more worries about being reunited with Yu She, nephew of the Emperor, with whom he has more than a little history...and about whom he has been lying for the past 7 years, claiming that he is Yu She's lover, in a bid to help use Yu She's reputation to protect Prince Ning's children.

Hijinks ensue.

And so does a political nightmare.

My Take: TYQHM was a hard book to get into because there are just so many characters and it's all about politics - this is NOT a xianxia or wuxia novel, and these characters are NOT cultivators. There's basically nothing supernatural in the whole book; instead, it's about Zhong Wan and Yu She figuring out their own histories, and accepting each other, while trying to survive in a political world that increasingly wants both of them dead. However, I adore political plots, and when all was said and done I really enjoyed it, and I'm trying tooth and nail to claw other people into the fandom with me, so far with basically no success. It only has like 15 works in English on AO3. And so not only does it not fit that requirement of yours...

Relationship Dynamic: ...I think you would also probably not like the relationship dynamic? Zhong Wan is a bit like Wei Wuxian-as-Mo Xuanyu, except more...genuinely? Like, it's his actual personality, not an act, in quite the same way. I don't mean the "flamboyantly gay" part...usually...he definitely has his moments...but he's just...like, he's been through so much that he'll basically say anything, and drag himself entirely through the mud, to distract people who might hurt the three kids (they're like 16, 13, 13, now I think? It was never THAT clear to me, tbh...certainly, all are at least 10...) and, later, Yu She. He has zero face, and doesn't mind having negative face when he feels the situation demands it...and Yu She, on the other hand, has MAJOR depression issues, is sure he deserves nothing, and mostly wants to destroy everyone around him and then kill himself, at least until Zhong Wan starts giving him a reason to live again. But, more than that...Zhong Wan is like the fucking epitome of a bratty subby bottom. He wants to get fucked SO bad. And Yu She is an incredibly reluctant dom, hilariously so at times, uncomfortably/manipulative so at others. When all was said and done, I was pretty fond of them both, but there were definitely moments that made me grimace, and given what you say of how you felt about MDZS, I think this one is less likely to be to your taste?

Bonus 7: Guardian by Priest. I never finished the novel version of Guardian because the translation had some issues that caused me not to enjoy it, so I won't get into it too much, but again, Guardian is a very different book than any of the others, because it's modern fantasy(ish, like, it's still deeply embedded in Daoist-related tropes but it's more "magic spells" and less "cultivation." Like, in terms of what it's like, it felt more like Japanese modern Onmyoji style stories, to me, than it felt like the ancient Chinese wuxia/xianxia cultivation stories.). I'm not gonna get into lots of details, because I read part of the book more than a year ago, and have seen the show (which is VERY different) like three times, so I can hardly even remember what they're like in the novel. There was definitely some weirdness, though? If you're potentially interested, I'd suggest starting with the drama instead. The plot for that is...

Plot: Zhao Yunlan heads a Special Investigation Unit in the human world tasked with maintaining a treaty between humans and the dixigren ("undergrounders") who are (in the show) aliens (in the book...it's the world of the dead). While doing this job, he keeps running into this professor, Shen Wei, who definitely knows more than he oughta.

Hijinks ensue.

And then it murders you with feels.

The live action streams from YouTube - here.

(Warning: uh, I don't want to give spoilers, but my "guaranteed happy ending" does NOT apply to the Guardian TV show...but it does apply to the book, as I understand it.)

Anyway, this was a terrible use of my time but it was definitely more fun than what I should be doing, and it's probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but since I wasn't sure what exactly you had in mind, I figured...might as well be thorough?

(Today's hyper-focus fail: this post, ha...)

#unforth rambles #i'm not gonna tag the fandoms because i give my own opinions #some of which aren't all THAT positive #i think it's best if I don't just dump that into the main tags

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alltheredshirtsaredead · 3 years

Note

hey i saw u were looking for prompts and I’d love to request some hurt/comfort with the captain (bc i’m gay and i deserve it) but honestly anything you write will be lovely!

Hiya again lovleyyy

Sorry it took me a few days but here it isss

I made is captain and havers cos I'm a softy for them (hope you dont mind lmao)

Anyway enjoyy

●●

Button house was always quiet at these times, lights out has been a good five hours ago. In his candel lit office the captain still sat filling out paper work that came with war. It was often like this, late nights and early starts, it was breaching regulations but there simply wasnt enough hours in the day to get everything done.

He was surprised to here a knock on his door in the early hours of the morning, "come," he said almost more of a question, he relaxed when his lieutenant walked in. "Lieutenant, why are you awake, light out was hours ago," he inquired which made havers laugh a little, "I could ask you the same thing, sir," he replied. "Paper work, we are at war, havers," cap replied, "wouldn't of guessed," havers profession frount wore off and he sat in the chair opposite his captain, "wouldn't of been able to sleep anyway," the captain added and havers frowned a little, "nightmares?" He dared to asked, captain pursed his lips not looking up from his work and shrugged his shoulders, "I suppose I'm not helping huh?" Havers chuckled, this caught the captains attention and instinctively he said, "don't be silly. I dont mind staying up with you," and went pink immediately after realising what he just said havers laughed trying to hide his blush.

For a few moments they sat in silent, the captain going his paperwork again havers just watching him, "Why don't you talk to me," havers broke the silence, the captain froze for a moment then looked up, "what do you mean, havers," the captain pursed his lips, they were in dangerous territory, "you're not happy, why," Havers pushed, the captain didn't really know what to say. His father was previously in the army and had taught him to keep a tough exterior and never show weakness, but here was the man he loved asked after such a feeling, "My feelings are irrelevant, we're at war lieutenant," he replied building his walls back up again, "but, sir, they aren't, not to me," Havers kept pushing with the resilience of a soilder, the captain shook his head and carried on in silence, "how long will this go on for, pretending everythings fine, because, it will not end fine, teddy please," havers was relentless. Captain frantically blinked back tears and managed to muffle, "why do you care," havers returned with a quiet scoff and pushed himself up on the table, "because I love you," this broke the captain he quietly sniffed havers snapped his head up to see a tear drop fall on the captain paper, "oh-" he went to wrap his arms round him but stopped, "can I hug you," he mumbled, captain hesitated but nodded and Havers did just that. The captains head rested on his lieutenants chest, one of havers hands entangled itself in his ranking officers hair and another rested on his back, they stayed there in silence for a while, the quiet only interrupted by the occasional sob that the captain let out. A few minutes passed before either of them spoke again, "you're so stubborn," havers laughed quietly the captain half smiled in reply, "come on, let's go to bed," havers smiled pulling him up and leading his captain to him room where they both fell into the bed.

They lay so the captain head was resting on havers chest and havers ran his fingers through his hair disheveling it and they slowly drifted off, they lay in peaceful silence, "I,, I think I love you," the captain mumbled cautiously, "lucky you, I think I love you too," havers mumbled back with a kind sort of smirk which made them both laugh quietly, "good night my love," Havers mumbled the captain incoherently mumbled something back, the last thing he remembers was havers gently kissing his temple then drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

#bbc ghosts #captain x havers #the captain #william havers #lieutenant havers

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musical-chick-13 · 3 years

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And Theon bc I love him

WHAT A COINCIDENCE I LOVE HIM TOO (this answer is gonna be a combination of books and show)

Send me a character and I’ll tell you the following:

• Did they live up to their potential? / In what ways was their potential unachieved?

-I would say yes. The only negative I have about his general arc is his death (which, see below). But Theon from the very beginning was, though not a particularly nice person, still relatable. Feeling othered, wanting to be accepted by an immediate environment that doesn’t accept you, isolated from and ostracized by your family, and the tension that comes between serving the different types of familial relationships in your life. Theon has no idea who he is, tossed aside by his blood family for not growing up with them and being “soft,” aka sort-of moral and having emotions that aren’t selfish rage or smugness (which, yep, that second part is a mood, see: my entire childhood and how no one wanted to be around an “emotional” “soft” child). And from there, he spirals out of control in a way that, while certainly not admirable by any stretch of the imagination, is still understandable in the context of the narrative and his characterization. And from there, after going through hell and quite literally losing himself (even to the point of straight-up denying rescue), he builds himself back up gradually, to the point where he expressed extreme regret for what he’s done, helps an innocent woman escape a truly horrifying situation, acknowledges that his family is generally garbage, and (in-show b/c again books aren’t finished), helping to restore his sister to power, rescuing her after his PTSD relapses while confronting Euron, and ultimately opting to protect the Starks come hell or high water in order to genuinely atone for what he’s done. He is no longer conflicted because he wants to do the right thing, and that right thing is defending the kingdom from the White Walkers and making sure Sansa and Bran are safe. And it’s no longer about fulfilling a duty or finding a family to fill the void. Because now he has found himself. I will contend that Theon has one of the best, most nuanced, most organic redemption arcs of all time. I will forever be grateful that I got to see that piece of storytelling unfold.

Although, I would love to know what he thought of Dany. A missed opportunity, that.

• How they negatively and positively affected the story.

-Positive: His arc of identity and finding where your loyalties lie ties into the overall theme of “How do you find yourself in a world where goodness, authenticity, and honesty are often punished and increasingly rare?” And it proves that governmental politics aren’t the only defining factors in decisions: familial politics can be just as difficult and dangerous, which adds yet another rich, complicated layer to the overall story. He has a genuine, honest-to-Drowned-God redemption arc, which is...not really present anywhere else in the story (no, Jaime is not on a Redemption Quest, I will die on this hill). But I think the biggest draw of Theon’s presence is that it deconstructs the whole “Character Revenge Fantasy” idea. He does bad things. We want him to be punished. But not like that. No one deserves that. How far is too far? What does retribution really look like? Given how easily that idea can be abused and go off the rails, is retribution even something to strive for? What is the point of using extreme violence/torture/mutilation/breaking someone’s psyche when it doesn’t really accomplish anything? Isn’t atonement and genuine justice a better option? It certainly was for Theon. He could only piece himself back together and do anything meaningful once he was out of his abusive environment. All of these are imporant questions that are posed by his existence in the narrative.

-Negative: Idk if I have much to say here. My biggest problem is his death (see below), but that’s not really a negative story effect so much as...being disappointing and narratively irrelevant. I gotta say, his introduction via his sister was...really weird. I genuinely have no idea why GRRM wrote that. It never came up again or had any kind of narrative ramifications and kind of cast a strange, uncomfortable light on his relationship with Asha/Yara for the remainder of the story. I can ignore and enjoy their later relationship it if I don’t think about it too hard, though, so I guess I’ll chalk it up to GRRM having a Bad Idea.

• What my favorite arc for them is.

-All of it?? Theon’s journey is kind of...one big arc, which is why I think it works so well. He has this overarching redemption plot which spans the entire series and informs every decision he makes (for good or for bad, depending on where in the aforementioned journey he is). The redemption arc isn’t bogged down with side plots or other pieces of narrative clutter, meaning it has time to grow and, thus, be gradual and realistic. If I had to choose a specific point, it’s probably when he tries to reintegrate back into society via supporting Yara. Gaining the Iron Islands’ support for her ruling, spiriting away with Euron’s fleet, and ultimately rescuing his sister after her capture. He can’t just go back into society. He’s scared. He has really bad PTSD. But he recognizes that putting his home in good hands is something bigger than just him because it’s Yara’s home, too. I just...I really love family relationships, y’all.

• What I think of their ending.

-I’m not really sure how I feel about this one. I get that the series is GrimDark™ and that people who make the right choice and fight for good die all the time, but Theon dying just felt...wrong. To me.

And, like...I get it. It makes sense to parallel his original descent into villainy (cemented by executing those two boys and pretending they were Bran and Rickon) with him dying to protect Bran himself. It ties into the whole very common trope of completing a full redemption arc by committing a completely selfless act at great personal cost. It’s kind of like the whole Missy thing in Doctor Who (which...hoo boy, that post is coming, make no mistake), where selfishness is directly opposed by making the ultimate sacrifice with no motivation for personal gain. And the fact that the last words he ever heard were “You’re a good man?” I cannot even begin to describe how much that makes me sob. But...honestly, I’m really tired of this idea that redemption has to end in death in order to be achieved or “complete.” I think it’s much more poignant to have a redeemed character live to help build a better world. Because what’s the point of telling people to be better if the “reward” is death? No one’s going to want to reform themselves if they think that’ll be the result.

I think the thing that Bugs Me™ the most is that Theon never really got to have a moment of peace when he was alive. Sansa gained the North’s love and at least had a secure childhood. Ned and Cat were happily married for years. Arya had parents who loved her and a good relationship with Jon. Jon fell in love with Ygritte and found his Night Watch Bros, and Robb (in show verse) had some very happy moments with Talisa. Davos put great stock in what he considered fulfilling friendships with Stannis and Shireen; Brienne was treated respectfully by Renly, Catelyn, and Sansa; Missandei and Grey Worm had each other and their friendship with Dany, who herself had many personal successes in her quest for the Iron Throne and saw the death of her abusive brother. Cersei even had moments with Jaime (who himself had several notable military victories and at least some time with Myrcella, as well as being gladly and deeply in love, however dysfunctional that love was), times when she successfully fought off enemies (including her dad), and some sweet moments with Tommen, as well as a huge victory via blown-up sept at the end of season 6. Theon was treated as a second-class family member by the Starks his whole life by being “traded” to them as a condition of war resolution AS A BABY, is immediately disparaged and mistreated by his immediate family when he tries to return to them, makes terrible decisions that almost cost him his conscience completely, is brutally tortured by Ramsay, is on the run with his sister from Euron almost immediately after, and has a PTSD attack that ultimatly results in him having to launch a rescue mission. And then he fights ice zombies. And then he dies. He never really...got to be happy at all? There was never any kind of “win” for him. Not even survival. The narrative couldn’t even give him that.

TLDR: Theon’s death seemed less shock-value-y than others (like, for example, Shireen or Missandei or, heck, Melisandre even), and it isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It’s narratively-informed and it makes sense as an emotional through-line, but, ultimately, Redemption Cemented By Selfless Death is a tired trope, and I honestly thought this story (which...you know...serves as a deconstruction of common fantasy tropes/book tropes in general) was better than that.

• When I wish they had died. / If I think they should’ve died.

-So here’s where we get personal™ kids.

So, it’s no secret that I am...severely mentally ill. I’ve talked about expression/presentation of mental illness in regard to Cersei a lot on this blog, and how that (as paradoxical as it may seem) helped bring a sense of comfort and emotional resonance to me. Theon, post-Ramsay, has, I think, a very clear case of PTSD. Theon is one of the few characters I’ve seen where his mental illness isn’t the cause of the bad, violent, dangerous choices he makes. It only takes root after he has made the decision and conscious effort to better himself, and it, rather than demonizing him, serve to humanize him. His trauma didn’t define him. And although a PTSD attack led to him unintentionally losing Yara to Euron’s capture, he makes every effort to rescue her, a goal he does end up achieving. It is so rare I get to see a character who goes through these things, successfully fight them and come out with positive qualities at the end. Like...switching topics a bit here, Jaime going back to King’s Landing to (try to) escape and ultimately die with Cersei made sense to me because, as Jaime says, he is a hateful man. He never made much of an honest effort to be anything else. And he never truly wanted to be good; he just wanted to be liked. He wanted to adopt some personality that would make him feel less disconnected from the rest of the world. But Theon...genuinely feels remorse for everything he’s done. He makes a concerted effort to do everything in his power to improve the lives of people he believes are good and deserve to be safe. So, just...killing him off in a Completely Selfless Sacrifice (like...you know how a lot of mentally ill people put themselves through suffering-like OCD rituals, bottling feelings, self-harm, even suicide-in a misplaced attempt to “help” or “protect other people”) seemed antithetical to everything we saw of his arc.

Ultimately, with such a humanizing, empathetic portrayal of trauma and mental health struggles, seeing Theon be killed off just...pissed me off. I am so tired of seeing mentally ill characters die. I really want to believe that I can live through and thrive in spite of the things that afflict me, and I get example after example of characters not being allowed to do that. It feels awful, quite frankly. And it makes hope that much harder.

I also just feel like...there was nothing the story gained from his death? I get the thematic parallels as mentioned earlier, but it didn’t really move the story forward in any significant way. It didn’t motivate other characters to do anything, it had no political ramifications, it didn’t serve to contribute to any kind of happy ending or commentary on society, it just...was sad. Again, I thought this story was better than that.

#theon greyjoy #got #my son #mental illness in media #meta #redemption arcs #tw: self harm mention #tw: suicide mention

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

Text

Life’s pause button // Joker x Reader // fluff, soft.

It was pointed out to me a few days ago by someone very special to me that I haven’t written anything for me in a long time. I went through my masterlist and found the last time - about a month ago. I adore writing for others, but I stopped writing pieces for me because I thought I was being annoying, selfish etc. so I focused on requests instead and I’ve fallen a bit out of the loop with writing for me. I want to get back into touch with that part of me; I sorely miss it.

It used to be my favourite time of day, indulging myself in my craft for me. I always did it when I was tired and sleepy so everything was softer and more real than it already is skskskk. And I miss Joker, too. He’s my everything and I don’t even want to consider who I’d be without him at this stage of my life. I hope he isn’t upset or angry or disappointed in me because I let this one thing go for a short time. I feel like all I do is let him down, and I hate it. I wish I could let myself give in. To lose control, just once.

Summary: It’s 15:49 and you’re sleepy. You’ve barely done anything all day other than read a little and stare at the wall, but you’re tired and craving sleep. What better way to spend time with Joker than to invite him to nap with you?

Warnings: Self-indulgent, fully self-insert. Some swearing bc I have no self-control xp reader is a student of an unspecified level but it’s irrelevant to the piece so it can be discarded x reader + Joker also married, and there’s some venting in here too bc I really don’t feel mentally good rn skskskk. It’s becoming my new normal. Also talks of skipping meals (briefly, only two sentences).

The paragraphs between the two ‘----’ marks are in Joker’s perspective; the rest are all in the reader’s perspective. I hope this isn’t too confusing sksksk.

Word count: 2, 693.

Sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard as you were did your hands cradle a copy of Pride and Prejudice, one of the books which you were currently studying. It had been a favourite in your teenage years, a book which you had read times over, but even so had some of that innate joy been taken from you with the knowledge that this time was it for a grade. You preferred to learn for the sake of it. Only when letters and numbers, percentiles and the like were attached did you find yourself wanting to resist learning, even if you enjoyed the topic at hand. A contrary creature were you.

You had barely slept last night, only six hours, so eager had you been to spend some real time with Joker that you had stayed up way past your bedtime, and woken up at your usual time, too. This would doubtless be to blame for your perceived lack of productivity today, as it was every day, but you were allowed to be kind to yourself from time to time, especially with the world being the way that it was. In any case, Joker had been quietly concerned at your obvious lack of a routine bedtime. You had certainly slipped off the rails these last few weeks in all walks of life, and though he longed to help you, in the end was there little he could do for you. You were your own person and you were self-aware to a fault; if you wanted his help, you would ask. Until then, well... He’d just have to be patient.

You yawned for the seventh time in almost an hour. Coffee, though you drank it at the same rate Joker smoked, wasn’t touching you this day and you knew that there was only one option for you if you wanted to spend the latter half of this day in a lighter state, your mind no longer fogged by the tangible sense of sleepiness:

You had to take a nap.

You had only read through and taken notes on forty seven pages in the last two hours, but the ink stains were beginning to blur, the outer edges of your vision cloudy, and you were yawning far too frequently; your eyes watering with each one. You wondered if you were yawning because you were just that sleepy, or if you were yawning because you were yawning.

In the end, it mattered not, for your body won out, as always it must, and you used your pen as a bookmark, placing your university approved copy of the book on top of the newspaper which rested on the nightstand, the words Eat the rich blazoned across the front page.

As you got ready to take a nap, your body almost vibrating in the face of the physical relief which would be coming to it very soon, it was your act of shutting the bedroom door with a firm click which alerted your Joker to your intentions. You always left the bedroom door open when you were studying. Joker was your reason, your purpose, your muse, and it wasn’t unusual for there to be a head poking around the living room door for a few seconds, just so that you could take him all in and be reminded of why you did what you did, and who you did it for. It definitely wasn’t for you.

You also left the room open as a sign of trust; you trusted that Joker would know that you were there for him at any time for anything even if you were busy, that he would know that you were okay and that he didn’t need to check on you often, though of course you appreciated it every time he did, that he would know that even though the door was open, you still needed to work and an open door wasn’t necessarily an invitation.

-----

At this time of the day and knowing about you what he did after all the years you had been together and all the things you had overcome, there was only one reason you would shut the bedroom door, and from his position on the sofa did Joker strain his ears, listening for -

There it is.

The curtains in the bedroom were quickly pulled across the pole, and Joker continued listening with a growing smirk on his painted visage as he heard the bed springs creak and groan in protest. There was no point in going to join you now. You may have laid down but there would at least thirty more position changes before you got comfortable enough to nap. The amount of caffeine you drank coupled with the worn springs of the old mattress which dug into your back at very specific angles made it hard for you to get comfortable.

-----

You lay on your back in the double bed, your eyes stinging now that the presence of sleep was strong. Your hands were resting across your abdomen, your fingers playing with your wedding ring. You would have to take it off to sleep soon, and you always felt irrationally guilty for having to do so. The ring had sharp edges so it could cut your face in your sleep, but it also had the unfortunate and uncomfortable tendency of getting caught in your hair.

The duvet was pulled right up to just beneath your eyes, self-conscious were you of the double chin which you thought was there. Often did you put the back of your hand underneath your chin to feel for it, but rarely was it there. Since you had started only eating two meals a day had it slowly disappeared, and you were happy with the lack of your double chin now. Joker hadn’t said anything about you skipping a meal a day - it was usually lunch which you skipped, so entangled were you with your daily hobbies and hours of study. Or, that was what you told yourself. You knew the reality of it: you were lazy. Joker knew about it, of this you were sure, but he knew not to push you until you were ready to talk about it, if you wanted to talk about it. Pushing you before you were ready would only make you clam up further, and that would only exacerbate the issue at hand.

You rolled over, your back to the door. You were lying on the side furthest from the door, which was your side, but you had switched pillows with Joker. The scent of his hair dye, of your shampoo, for smelling like you did he like, the scent of greasepaint and of the cigarettes he wasn’t supposed to smoke in bed but you couldn’t say no to him for anything and you both knew it, and of something distinctly Joker filled your nostrils, and the way that the pillow seemed to perfectly cradle your weary head, the way the worn mattress was suddenly comfortable... You were definitely tired. You closed your eyes with a relieved sigh, moving so that one of your legs was outstretched fully and the other was bent at the knee.

You were so tired.

As such, it didn’t take long for you to fall right to the edge of sleep. Your body positively melted into the warm mattress beneath you, the duvet perfectly sheltered you from the natural chill of the apartment, and you shifted your body, wanting to feel that familiar, heartbreakingly comforting presence in the bed beside you.

You thought about going to get Joker, you really did, but your mind was blissfully quiet; your own racing and raging thoughts too far away from you. They were there but so distant were they that it barely mattered. At this moment was Joker also far away from you. You wanted him desperately, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to even open your eyes...

“Awh,” A soft, hushed coo from the doorway, which you hadn’t heard creak open in your mostly sleepy state, alerted you to Joker’s presence, and you grinned into the duvet, truly burrowing down. Unsure were you if Joker was there or if you were imagining it, but your brief, hazy thoughts were dashed away by the gentle padding footsteps, the rustling and subsequent shedding of clothes and the weight of the mattress behind you as Joker slid easily into bed. “Are you sleeping, darling?”

“No,” You mumbled, slowly turning over to face Joker, “Just...I feel so drained. Needed a nap or somethin’. Don’t know.” Your voice was quiet, your tone soft, and you couldn’t have hidden the emotions within your voice if you had tried.

Joker hummed contemplatively. Even half asleep as you were did you know that he was extracting what you hadn’t said from the words you had spoken. From there would he compare it to what he already knew about you, after all these years, and what had worked last time in the same situation; for often did you resort to naps when you were physically tired, but also when you just didn’t know what else to do. You often called napping “the pause button” on life, and sometimes was it simply the “reset button”. When you were in an especially morbid mood, however, you called naps and sleep in general “death with benefits”. It never failed to make Joker chuckle, and it was one which he had studiously recorded in his battered old brown journal, marked with the date and time you had first said it, and surrounded with blotted ink asymmetrical love hearts and crooked smiley faces.

“Do you want your clown blanket?” Even with the question was Joker already sitting up, a growing smirk on his face as he got to watch your face light up like a christmas tree. You loved your clown blanket, and Joker knew it.

You squeaked and shifted your body so that you were lying flat on your back. “Please! I love my clown blanket!” You brought your arms up, too, raising them above your head, so that you could be tucked in by Joker.

Joker hummed appreciatively as he lowered himself down onto you, touching his forehead to yours as his arms encircled your back. He shifted his entire body onto you, your legs entangled and bodies perfectly aligned, and then you brought your arms around Joker. “I know you do.” Joker’s voice with thick with pride and with love. “Your clown blanket loves you, too.”

You squeezed your eyes shut tight as you hugged him to you, Joker grunting and then huffing in amusement. At first he had been confused when you had asked him for a clown blanket, but then when you had asked him to lay atop you and make himself everything that you knew, he had burst into a series of giggles which were punctuated by the cutest hiccups you had ever heard in your life as understanding had dawned upon his angelic features.

You already felt a million times better as you burrowed your face in Joker’s neck, taking the time to just breathe him in. You pursed your lips to feather sleepy kisses to his neck, your mouth clumsy as you loved on Joker as best as you could. “I love you, Joker. I love you, I love you, I - “

A soft coo of understanding, of love, rumbled through Joker’s chest as he dipped his head to kiss you, his painted lips soft and gentle against your own. He pressed his lips to yours once, twice, thrice, before he pressed his lips to yours a fourth time and moved his mouth against yours, his hot pink tongue darting out of the warm cavern of his mouth to coax your own out to play; you allowed Joker to ravish your mouth with his, your arms sliding down, down, to rest upon his hips. “I love you too, Y/N. So much. You’re my everything. Like music.”

Your heart stopped in your chest and then picked right up as tears sprung to your eyes. “Joker, I - “

Another hum. So emotionally intertwined were you that any emotion you felt as an individual echoed in the heart of the other; you shared your pain, your love, and any of your emotions. It was like there was a string tied between your ribs; any twinge from one heart was felt as clearly in the other as if it was your own. You spoke to each other most succinctly and most often without any words at all, so well did you know each other. Communication and trust was the core of your relationship, as in any good and healthy relationship, and you and Joker had reached such a point that clear communication came as easily to the two of you as breathing.

In Joker’s hum did you hear acceptance and an abundance of love. “I know, Y/N. I know.” His soft whisper, those tender sea green eyes, the way Joker pressed his painted forehead to yours as he nuzzled into you, his arms so solidly around you, his legs between yours, his chest rising and falling with your own and the familiar weight of him atop your body... you felt your eyes sliding closed of their own accord. Your eyelids were so heavy and you were falling, falling...

The time for words was over. You needed to sleep, and Joker needed you in your rawest, most vulnerable state, desperate was he to know that you trusted and loved him. Even now, even after all that he had said and done.

There was movement as Joker moved down the bed so that he could rest his head on your chest, your heartbeat, strong and steady in his ear. Your entire body was surrounded by Joker and all that he was, all that he is and all that he would ever be, and he pressed kisses to your clothed chest, nuzzling your body.

You pulled the duvet over you more securely, Joker’s head completely hidden from you. This was his favourite sleeping position. He adored it as much as you did. You shifted your hips, spread your legs, so that Joker could fit more comfortably in his current position, and slowly, slowly, your arms feeling like lead, did your hands find his romantic green curls. Your fingernails scrapped against his scalp and Joker shivered. If he were a cat would he be purring, so content and so relaxed was he.

This.

This was what you had been needing, what you had been missing. A serene, sleepy smile was on both of your faces as you gave and took comfort in equal measures, so highly attuned to one another and to the core needs of your relationship were you.

There was no Joker without you, and there was no you without Joker. You kept each other safe from harms which existed in people and in the outside world, but most importantly did you keep each other safe from yourselves.

Before you could fully succumb to your sleep, though, did you have to speak your deepest, most special truth:

“I love you, Joker.” You were barely coherent, clinging were you to the precipice of consciousness in your mind by your fingertips.

You felt Joker turn his head so that he could kiss your clothed chest and a muffled, “I love you too.” filtered through the gaps in the duvet, caressing your ears like the gentlest, most natural of winds.

All you had was each other, all you had was love, but that was all you needed. Just you and Joker, just like this. There was nothing like the two of you, and there never would be again. It was a once in a lifetime bond, a connection of two of the rarest souls to grace the earth at the same time, but if it was done right, and it was, then it only had to be done once. For in any universe, in any timeline and in any alternative or parallel universe would you find each other, again and again and again; your souls merely being re-introduced each time.

Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z @x-avantgarde-x @insomniabird @mavalenovaninagavi @itwasrealenough @morrisonmercurymalek @rand0ms-fand0ms @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing @vivft @help-i-am-obssessed @autumnaffection @taintednihilist @vladtoly @mg-woolf99 @misstgrey92 @dopey-fandom-girl @seeking-dreamland @sweetheart-syndrome @heartxfdesire @xmusichealsthesoulx @0callmejude0 @the-one-that-likes-riddles @hannibalsslut @folliaght @freeeshavacadoo @bingewatchingmylifegoby @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything @okamiredfoxx @sp0okysp0oky @the-pandorabox @mardema @jibanyyan @honeyflvredcoughdrop @emissarydecksetter @jokerfleckk @epidendroideae @chuuntas @stillmabel @pumpkinpeyes @onehystericalqueenposts @the-jokers-wolf @nalsswa @jokershyena @arianatheangelworld @soullessblondbitch @gothamslittlejester @twentyonestarrynights @sirianfromsixties @kissmeclownman @joker-is-my-hero @lazyloosah @lovesickkloxx @ladylovelyluna @live-love-loki @clownerybbxx @tragicarthur @anmach123 @rommie-chan @arthurflock @lucyboytom @immortal-bi-bitch @hearthurfleck @jokersproperty @curlystark @arthurfleckjoker2019 @sagyunaro @playinthedarktillitsgoldenagain @jokeringcutio @xenthefox @mijachula @stcrrynightsinneverlcnd @cheyennejonas22 @pauli1100 @smitten-susie @actualkey @callmejokerfleck @jaylovesbats @itsforyoubitch @ridiculousnerd @killerprotector3579 @soulsdontbreaktheybeeend @fantasticwinnerclodexpert @arthurs-sweater @pinkie44pie @tsukiakarinobara @prettyxlittlexpsychoxprincess @elodia-gahan @yours-mia @parkdonghoons @lady-carnivals-stuff @hobi-hobi-kyo-kkyu @jupiturde @incognitofish @j-sux @nothing-but-a-comedy @tahliamalfoydepp @sgtsavoytruffle @smol-nari @pocket-clown @driver-phoenix-writes @millandram @obsessedandthirsty @holosexualunicorn7000 @anyatheladyclown @imightaswellnotexistatall @elusive-ivory @funneeeh @jokerhoe @carnivalou @floralhijabix @sonrisa-yk @livingmydreamsquietly @marymadly @that199xgrrrl @mr–clown @ezziesworld @darknessisafriend @sadjesterautumn @antonija89

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twinkuraba · 3 years

Text

I once wrote a kinda sad Riku/Neku fic (with mentions of (temporary) break up Soriku), but I lost the steam for it a looong time ago so I’m posting what little of it I did manage to write now bc I still think it’s some of my stronger writing.

TW for: Unhealthy relationship, suicidal ideation

The argument he’d had with Sora had been stupidly blown out of proportion into a storm of anger and hurt. One small lie, one missed favour, had spiralled uncontrollably until they were screaming in each other’s faces, hands clenched tight.

The look in Sora’s eyes as he’d said they were done, he never wanted to see Riku again, would haunt him for the rest of his life he was sure.

He hadn’t wanted to stay on the islands, small and confining, so he’d taken a boat, then a train, to the nearest city with a half decent nightlife and proceeded to get himself plastered and wake up with an unknown redhead beside him and no memory how either of them had gotten there.

At the time, Riku knew jumping into another relationship so soon, especially with a one-night stand he knew nothing about, was moronic. But he’d been hurt and he hadn’t slept alone in years and there’d been something in his partner’s eyes that said he was sad and lonely and…

So he and Neku had fallen into a relationship almost immediately.

During the ‘honeymoon stage’, things were wonderful. Neku’s friends approved of him and how happy they seemed to be, the two of them managed to easily co-exist around each other in a way Riku thought only Sora could, and neither of them wanted to fight or argue, instead just rolling their eyes or giving up with a fond ‘why do I bother’ and a kiss to make it better.

It really was too perfect. Riku knew it when he caught himself confusing the other man for Sora out of the corner of his eye and the disappointment when he was wrong. Knew it when Neku would stop himself short with the wrong name about to come out from his lips and look chagrined.

But Neku was all Riku had, and Riku was Neku’s. So they fell into an unhealthy routine.

He would wake up most days as he did any other.

Get up, go to the bathroom, give Neku a polite ‘good morning’ in the kitchen and ignore that the redhead was nothing like the man he’d left behind and the ever present guilt of their sham of a relationship.

If that day was a good day, they’d talk carefully around the heavy subjects and maybe cuddle and pretend they both actually had who they wanted. Maybe one of them would only slip up with the wrong name a few times, and the other would let it pass to keep the peace.

If the day was a bad day, he wouldn’t be able to look at Neku without seeing Sora. They’d argue and spit at history irrelevant to the other, directing their venom at the ghosts imposed over each other’s faces. Neku would eat less than he already did, Riku would storm out of the apartment for the day, and they’d play at sweetness the next.

If it was one of those rare days… It was like the return of their honeymoon stage. Riku was Riku and Neku was Neku, yet those days were the most awkward of them all because they couldn’t lie to each other how messed up they were, how badly their relationship was burning or how they dragged each other down.

Every rare day, they made empty promises of ‘This time. We’re really going to break up this time.’ and never made action to do it.

Instead, Riku made excuses (lies) to Neku’s friends why they were still together. That their relationship wasn’t that bad, Neku was just having a hard time dealing with what was going on in his head and what kind of boyfriend would Riku be if he abandoned him because of that?

Didn’t mention the days where he would have to force food down Neku’s throat. The times he’d caught Neku staring out the window as if the glass wasn’t there and he wanted to walk out it. His own blow outs; you didn’t do this, why aren’t you more that, the deep cutting insults he’d try to pass off as jokes later as if he didn’t know Neku’s state was far more fragile than Sora had ever been (and ignoring the quick, guilty thoughts ‘He’s just much too sensitive, why can’t he be more like Sora?’).

It was probably his fucked up hero complex too; his fear that if he left, who would stop Neku from listening to that dark voice in his head that wanted to take his life? Pull him away from windows or edges if the redhead was starting to look tempted, or hold him and reassure him when he thought no one cared about him or would miss him? (Maybe if he pretended hard enough, his fake romantic feelings could convince Neku to get help).

Neku was there for his nightmares, Holding him in turn and murmuring platitudes until they both dropped off to sleep. If he’d ever been offended it was always Sora’s name on his lips when RIku woke, he never showed it, just kissed him as sweet as a fairytale (It took Riku far too long to realise it was probably just confirmation in the redhead’s eyes of his messed up view of the world).

It was a humid night, Neku was deep in thought staring at nothing, and Riku was waiting for sleep to come. “Riku, we should break up” his voice was soft, whispered as if carrying an important secret.

“I’m not leaving you, Neku.” He tried to force out a small laugh, as if there was anything to find humorous about their situation “Besides, you say that so often and never really mean it.” Make it a laugh, as if they were an ordinary couple having a joke argument.

There was a humourless smile curling Neku’s lips. “I mean it this time. We can’t keep doing this ‘Ku. Or rather, I can’t keep dragging you down with me.” Riku felt a hand swipe gently against his cheek. “You’re a good guy, someone who’ll go places once you find a direction. I’ve just… given up and the only place I’m gonna end up is a hole in the ground.”

He rolled onto his back, pulling Neku onto his chest “Don’t say that. I’m staying as long as you’ll have me. And you’re going to go far too, Neku. When you pick up your art again, you’ll see. The way you’re feeling is just temporary…”

“It’s been ‘temporary’ for months. I’m not going to get better and I think it’s time we both came clean about it. This isn’t good for either of us, hasn’t been since the day we started. Should've just stayed a one-night stand.”

He brushed away the hair over Neku’s eyes “Are you sure? I really don’t mind staying with you.” As twisted as it was, Riku found their messed up relationship comfortable, familiar. Leaving Neku would mean facing what had happened with Sora.

“You don’t love me though. You love a brunet called Sora that you’ve regretted leaving ever since we met. And you don’t really want to stay, that’s just your ‘I want to help everyone’ acting up again because you think I’m going to be an uncontrollably suicidal mess without you. I was managing myself before you came into my life, I can do it again when you leave it.”

He pressed his thumbs into Neku’s skin, a body so familiar, yet not right. Even after all these months, Neku still felt off in his arms… “Ok. We’ll break up.”

“And you’ll go back to see Sora?”

“If that’s what you want. If things go well, I’ll bring him to visit.” It was an empty, obvious lie, and from the wry smile in response, Neku knew it.

“You do that then, and I’ll get better in the meantime. You won’t even recognise me.”

All he could do was give him an empty smile in return. These were promises neither of them were going to keep. Riku was never going to come back, and Neku, well, Riku hoped he at least wouldn’t get worse.

The next morning, he started the usual routine. Bathroom, good morning in kitchen. But there were no half-hearted kisses, or pretences of being a couple. Neku leaned against the counters and sipped at his coffee, and Riku studied train timetables with his help.

Soon enough, Riku had his small amount of things packed, but hesitated before he left this small apartment for good.

“I probably shouldn’t, but” he dumped his single bag by the door, cupped Neku’s face, and gave him a chaste but long kiss “for good luck, and goodbye.”

And it was Neku’s face before him, giving him a slightly sad look with a matching smile.

“Yeah” he replied softly “Goodbye.”

#UmbralArtimas #long post under the cut #Not a happy bit of writing #Also one of my earlier pieces before I REALLY started posting on ao3

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alloftimeandspacetosee · 3 years

Text

Birds of a Feather

Oh look! They’re finally meeting properly! Well how about that.

I chose Jayden’s name without considering Jay’s bc by this point I mostly thought of her as Blue oops

Everyone gets a laugh out of it, it’s fine.

Oh, and since this is the first instance of a pokemon doing thought speech - I use <> to say they’re just speaking to one person, and {} when they’re speaking to all.

[1] [2] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

The sudden silence after the wind is almost deafening, but it means I hear something hit the ground. Something that screeches in what sounds like pain. It might be a challenge, but that didn’t... sound threatening enough for that.

I jerk to my feet, glancing for Brith and Pie. “Can you-”

<A male and a bird> Pie closes her eyes. <I do not think they are a threat>

As I stand, the two of them do as well. It’s not that they think I’ll be in danger, but maybe it’s a trainer looking for a battle.

“Hello?” he calls out as I reach the top of the steps, Brith in front of me. “Can you – oh!”

Gar’aq dives in from over the sea, screeching a warning.

“Gar’aq!” I yell, following it with a sharp whistle.

He pulls back, circling away.

“Sorry.” I glance at Gar’aq to make sure he’s keeping back.

“It’s alright, he’s just protecting the nest, right?” The man has flight goggles perched on his forehead and his hair is wild with the wind. He’s wearing a quilted jacket and thick, falconer’s gloves, so clearly some kind of bird trainer. Probably not too hard for Ray and Glace, then. Or Gar’aq, if he feels like listening.

He looks familiar. Like an ‘I’ve-seen-you-a-couple-times-before' sort of... totally can’t remember.

“Have we met?” He studies my pokemon. “I... feel like I recognise them.”

“Maybe?” I shrug. “Are... you here for a battle?”

“Not unless I absolutely have to.”

I relax my guard. “Nah that’s cool. People don’t normally land here otherwise is all.”

“It was an accident, the wind...” He glances back to the huge bedraggled braviary behind him. “We thought we could outrun it.”

"I didn’t think even Suicune could outrun that one.”

He smiles. “We’d say Tornadus was travelling and didn’t want to be disturbed.”

Unovan, then, as if the accent didn’t give him away.

“Where are we?”

“North of Fiore,” I reply. “No man’s land.”

“It’s yours, then?” He smiles. “Do I have to pay a toll?”

“Nah, it’s fine.” I snort and wave my team away. They’d gathered, apparently expecting our usual activity.

He smiles. “I don’t suppose you have somewhere I can stay for a while? At least until Sayri – my braviary – is rested enough to continue.”

“Sure.” I beckon him to follow me back down the steps. “They aren’t too slippy.”

Vulp raced up and down them often enough to dry off any rain that did fall on them.

“Oh!”

“What?” I twist to look up at him, worried he might have fallen.

He’s staring down at my ship. “That’s where I’ve seen you before. Castelia.”

“Uhhhh.” I shrug and enter the cave.

Soise darts back from the fire, taking up residence in the shadows near the back.

“You were taking a shipment of... bugs? Burgh was coming off your ship.”

“Oh! Oh, right. Yeah, the larvesta.” I don’t say that I remember him as a potential threat to Sesser. That would be rude. “Sorry.”

“It’s been a while.” He shrugs easily.

We fall silent as he settles by the fire.

Brith sits in the entrance of the cave, Pie beside her.

<Manners, Blue>

I try not to jump as Pie nudges my thoughts. “Do you want anything to drink? I... might have tea or coffee lying around. Diluting juice and hot chocolate and water is a definite though.”

He tilts his head, considering that. “Just some water, if that’s alright.”

“Perfectly." I grab a cup on my way to the cold cellar at the back of the cave. “Anything for your bird?”

“Nothing at the moment,” he replies. “She'll find what she needs up in the trees.”

I nod, crouching down as the ceiling dips, to where the spring runs clear.

“Do you... live here?”

“Sort of?” I offer him the cup as I come back. “The ship, that’s my real home. I come here to clear my head.”

“And attack any trainers that come crashing in.” He smiles over the cup, taking a drink.

I shrug. “As it goes.”

“So, if you’re being hunted down because you’re that good a trainer... I might know your name?”

Pie snorts.

I throw a glare her way. “Jay. The NightGale. Occasionally Blue.”

He crooks a smile, letting out a small huffing laugh. “I’m Jayden.”

Pie snorts again, and I can hear Soise cackling. Even Brith is hiding a smile, looking out to the sea.

“I’m sorry, my pokemon are terrible.” I’d throw something at them, but I don’t have anything close to hand.

“It’s quite the coincidence.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “If you’re going to start laughing, I can still throw you off the cliff.” It’s not like we could help our names.

“And Sayri is in no fit state to catch me,” he replies. “So I won’t.”

“Thanks.”

Soise’s still laughing, but at least she’s quieter now.

I feel like there should be conversation. What the heck do we talk about. Like... what can I-

<Where was he going, Blue> Pie prompts. <Must I do everything for you?>

I blink. “Where were you running?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Before the wind dropped you. What was your heading?” Most people aren’t running, I remind myself. They just have places to get to, not things to get away from.

“Oh - Sinnoh.” He smiles now, understanding that. It’s not his crooked smile, but a more genuine one.

I think I prefer the crooked one.

I shake my head to get rid of that thought (it’s unnecessary and I don’t like it) and chance upon a new one. “If you’d like to rest your bird some more, I can give you a lift that way.”

“Are you sure?” He blinks.

I snort. “I don’t exactly have a plan for where I go.”

“That’s mighty kind of you.”

I shrug. “There’s space enough, and Brith’s all-star-snark gets tiring sometimes.”

“Well, if you can’t keep up.” Brith grins.

Jayden doesn’t quite startle at that, but I think he’s surprised. Not many people meet talking pokémon.

“So yeah, if you reckon you can keep with that,” I say, shooting Brith an amused look, “Then you’re good to come with us.”

“I don’t want to... cut your time short here?”

I tilt my head, make a decision. “Nah, we’re good.” I stand, rolling my shoulders. “I’m almost out of like... pastry or something.”

“Pastry.” Jayden stands, too, his eyebrows slightly raised.

“It’s important.” I clap my hands against my legs to brush them off.

Brith gets to her feet, going to call the pack.

“Which port is best for you?”

He shrugs. “Suny... shore?”

I nod. “That’ll work. Good tourist port.”

“Oh, I’m looking for birds, for different flying types. I study them, to help my sister expand her fighting style and team, introduce new pokemon to the roster."

"Your sister trains flying types as well?" Talk about keeping it in the family.

"She's the gym leader."

I close my eyes to run through them. "Skyla. Mistralton."

"That was..."

"You're Unovan, I've barrelled through them all." I shrug. "I don't remember you in the gym, though."

<Oh, you would have remembered him?>

I throw a handful of pocket rubbish at Pie. Scraps of paper, a pen. Ticket stubs.

Jayden raises his eyebrows. "I'm... not a trainer. Not like that, anyway. I research, I don't... battle."

"That's fair." I let out a sigh. Definitely not going to be challenged by this one, then. I couldn't always tell. Some of them liked a bit of a chat first, as if I might let slip some big battling secret that they could then use against me.

Morons.

"But you do, right? That's what you were expecting?" He ran a hand through his hair. "Do people... really look you out for battles?"

"Yeah, I'm like... like Red. Except Blue."

"You should make a club."

"Soise's been telling her that, too." Brith appears in the entrance of the cave.

He jumps as Brith speaks again.

"I've never met the guy, but when I do," I say, grinning. "Is that everyone alert?"

Brith nods, the pack slipping past her and down the steps. "The wind isn't quite in the right quarter, but we can just about set. The tide's on the turn, though, so we'll want to make it quick."

I nod. "Thanks. If you want to get your pokemon and meet us on the deck...?" I gesture for him to head out first. "Pie, I assume-"

<I will stay here> She inclines her head. <And if anyone comes calling, I'll tell them you're out>

"Thanks." I swing my small pack onto my shoulder.

Jayden ducks out and heads up.

I punch Brith in the shoulder as I pass her

"I didn't say anything."

"Continue that way," I reply, as Sesser lands on my shoulder. "It's unnecessary."

"Words are irrelevant," Brith says, which is... sort of an agreement.

The ship is tugging at her headrope already, the sails unfurled but flapping loose against the masts.

Sharranth bursts from the sea and glides alongside the ship for half its length before disappearing under again.

"How can I pay you for this?" Jayden's caught up more quickly than I'd expected.

I jump, but cover it (I think) in the swell of the ship under us. "It's fine. Uh - fourth cabin down. Is free, I think?"

"I'll show you," Brith says, gesturing for him to follow.

"You'll cast off," I tell her. "They're not hard to find."

"No - Jay, really, I can't freeload."

I tilt my head, hand on the railing up to the bridge. "Alright. How much Unovan folklore do you know?"

#pokemon #oc #mainverse #writing #Jay Nightgale #1st gen #The Birds #Blueridge

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