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#we are what everybody wishes they could be
sweetnans · 2 days
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firefighter!katsuki x reader PLEASEE 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️
As you wish🪄💫
You knew and everybody did too that you weren't the most appropriate person to cook so you tried baking instead. It turned out that you weren't good either now that your kitchen was on fire.
Thankfully, you were fast on calling 911 and they sent you a firefighters unit to help you out.
A bulky red-haired man entered your house while you tried to extinct the fire with your tiny extinguisher. He grabbed you gently by your shoulders, guiding you out of your house so they could bring all the equipment without you standing in their way.
"I bet they would have been delicious" he gave you the most charming and calming smile.
If only he knew...
You were sitting in one of the trucks. One of the firefighters was taking your statement and checking on you for burns and any sort of wounds. You were dissociating while he tried to make you talk.
In your mind, you thought that, thank god you lived in a house and not in an apartment complex. You couldn't live with the shame after setting your kitchen on fire, having all the people gathered around you for the disaster you made. It wasn't like your neighbors weren't there. The moment that the fire siren made his appearance in the block, the nosy neighbors alerted the others, and now they were all by their windows watching you from afar, in comparison with apartaments, at least they were far away from it and you didn't compromised their houses.
"You can't bake shit"
A tall and muscled man blocked the sun from you and got you out of your thoughts in an instant.
"Excuse me?" You were leaving the haze you induced yourself to keep away the embarrassment from burning down your kitchen while making cookies.
"What he was trying to say is that we extinguished the fire, and everything is perfect. Well, almost... Do you have someone you can stay with?" The red-haired man interrupted the angry blonde.
"Mm yeah, I think so"
The interaction was pretty odd, and you tried to maintain your focus on the problem.
"How do you even set your stove on fire?" The blonde continued while the other gave him a warning glance.
"You were right," you jumped off of the truck. "I can't bake shit"
You looked sad and obviously you were. Your first attempt to do something new ended up on you spending the night at your brother's house.
While talking with the EMTs and other firefighters, Bakugo couldn't help but notice your gaze and your face. You looked like you were about to burst into tears.
A few days passed from the incident, you were tired, working your ass off, day and night, to fix your house so could go back there, filling up papers to see if your insurance covered the damage while giving your brother a hand watching his kids after school.
You were on the verge of crying when someone knocked on the front door.
"Hey?" You opened the door slightly to see a man standing in front of you with a box in his hands. You didn't recall hearing your brother saying something about an incoming package.
"You match the description he gave me. This is for you, " he smiled.
The blonde who looked like he was going to some party handed you the package, turned around, and left you there feeling uneasy.
Most of the time, in this situations you acted distrustful, but the man didn't give you time to think about the possibilities.
What if it was a bomb?
You wouldn't be surprised afted the incident. You had something with fire and explosions.
Grabbing the box, you walked to the kitchen. Thankfully, the kids were asleep in their rooms, so if it was a bomb, you would have some time to run away from the kids and the house.
You expected, well, a bomb, explosives, or some detonating device. Well, you were wrong.
A cute purple box with a white ribbon on laid down.
You opened the box, and for your surprise, there were tons of cookies of all shapes, colors, and flavors. You were shocked until you saw the card.
Hey, the fire department went by your house yesterday, and we noticed that what originated the fire was your stove. The wires were defective. We filled up the papers already, and the company promised to fix your house and equip it with everything you lost in the fire.
Give me a call when everything is ready, I'll teach how to bake properly without losing your house in the process.
Bakugo Katsuki.
...
I'm sorry if this isn't what you expected 😪 my brain is dry
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maygrcnt · 18 hours
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something i think is very imminent in 911 season 8 is a change in the professional dynamic of the 118. we barely got to see them in action this year (and when we did it was often isolated sub groups who were progressing a personal storyline. save for one or two genuine emergencies), and i do think that’s because they realized that since nothing has changed about how the team works the emergencies have gotten a bit repetitive— bobby gives the orders, buck and eddie pull off the rescue, hen and chim save their life. so i was kinda mulling it over and trying to see how this could be solved in a full length season where they can’t get away with the lack of emergencies and will probably need to shake up the 118 dynamic a bit.
the first option is obviously to just split everybody up into different stations. it’s what i’ve been speculating about for a while and i think it’s a genuine option. the only reason i say maybe not is because it kind of defeats the idea of having more emergencies because it would be difficult to show casual rescues if everyone is everywhere, and they’d have to hire quite a few guest actors to play the other firefighters. also because lone star kind of already did this storyline if im not mistaken and i don’t want to just rinse and repeat from them lmao.
so what i think is actually going to happen is that bobby is no longer captain 118. i don’t think he retires and i DEFINITELY don’t think he dies. they’ve dropped the thread that the chief wants to run for…. some sort of office i don’t know what. but that medal ceremony probably looked reallll good on his campaign so i wouldn’t be surprised if he won and needed someone to fill his shoes. they made a point of having bobby call himself “the star captain at the star firehouse” so obviously since season three he’s built up his reputation back quite well in the LAFD and a promotion would probably be very realistic. i could even see them do like station 19 did and have the promoted character use the shows station as a “home base”. i do not care if this is realistic i care that bobby is still here!
this creates a hole in the captain ship at the 118 and while they could do the “navigating a new captain route” i just… wish they wouldn’t. also they NEED to give more of these characters some professional development SO, i think captain hen is incoming. we could finally put a satisfying pin on the end of her journey for more and it would go together nicely with finally finding closure on her family storyline as well.
now with hen as captain we need another EMT and i think eddie finally getting the full paramedic stuff would be so cooll! ryan mentioned that eddie would be exploring all new territory (yes i do think that’s also about gay eddie) and it would be so nice if that was eddie learning some new skills and knowledge. this would also give us a severely severely underused character dynamic in chim and eddie. would love to see them get up to shenanigans.
we’ve now shifted eddie over to the paramedic team so buck is all alone isn’t he… WRONG. ravi main character season 8 is REAL and it’s HAPPENING. he’s literally the perfect choice to pair with buck professionally! now that he’s not a probie (i would presume? timeline might be truly fucked tho so who knows) and he’s definitely seemed to have found his own voice within the 118 i want to have the buck and ravi work dynamic back. see them work together, figure things out, and most importantly let ravi show off that he’s COMPETENT. this also opens us up to have a new recurring character at the firehouse (please be a woman please be a woman please be a woman)
i realize it sounds a little bonkers crazy to split up buck and eddie at work because we’ve done that before and things were honestly miserable to watch. plus tim has said he wants to keep the interactions up as it’s “the core of that coupling” (his words not mine). and i agree! it’s DANGEROUS to split up this professional dynamic that we have grown to love. but i do believe that splitting them in the workplace is how we bring them together romantically.
think of chenford, in order to pursue their romantic storyline first we had to get out of the trainee/TO dynamic. and it was a little scary because that was how we got most of their scenes together! but we didn’t lose the chenford dynamic, we simply moved it into the personal lives part of the show instead of the cop part of the show. that’s what i think will happen with buddie. we move them out of work partners and into (even MORE into i should say) life partners.
anyway the tldr of it is: bobby should get promoted, hen should be captain, eddie should become a paramedic, ravi should be a main character.
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houndsharkk · 10 months
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drew me (left) and my boyfriend (right)!!
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confessedlyfannish · 2 months
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Writing Prompt #12
Bruce is reading the paper when the pour of Tim's coffee goes abruptly quiet. It would be hard to pinpoint why this is disturbing if it wasn't for the way the soft, tinny sound the vent system in the manor makes cuts out for the first time since being updated in the 90s. The pour, Bruce realizes, has not slowed to a trickle before stopping. It has simply stopped. And there is no overeager clack of a the mug against the marble counter or the uncouth first slurp (nor muttered apology at Alfred's scolding look) immediately following the end of the pour.
Bruce fights the instinct to use all of his senses to investigate, and instead keeps his eyes on the byline of the article detailing the latest set of microearthquakes to hit the midwest in the last week. Microearthquakes aren't an unusual occurrence and aren't noticeable by human standards, which is why this article is regulated to page seven, but from several hundred a day worldwide to several hundred a day solely in the East North Central States, seismologists are baffled.
Bruce had been considering sending Superman to investigate under the guise of a Daily Planet article requested by Bruce Wayne (Wayne Industries does have an offshoot factory in the area) when everything had stopped twenty seconds ago. That is what he assumes has happened (having not moved a muscle to confirm) in the amount of time he assumes has passed. His million dollar Rolex does not quite audibly tick but in the absolute silence it should be heard, which confirms the silence to be exactly that—absolute.
While Bruce can hold his breath with the best of the Olympian swimmers, he has never accounted for a need to remain without blinking without being able to move one's eyes. Rotating the eyeballs will maintain lubrication such that one could go without blinking for up to ten minutes. But staring at the byline fixedly, he estimates another twenty seconds before tears start to form.
These are the thoughts Bruce distracts himself with, because he doesn't dare consider how Tim and Alfred haven't made a (living) sound in the past forty-five seconds. About Damian, packing his bag upstairs for school after a morning walk with Titus that was "just pushing it, Master Damian".
There is a knife to his right, if memory serves (it does). In the next five seconds—
"Your wards and guardian are fine, Mr. Wayne," the deepest voice Bruce has ever heard intones. For a dizzying moment, it is hard to pinpoint the location of the voice, for it comes from everywhere—like the chiming of a clocktower whilst inside the tower, so overpowering he is cocooned in its volume.
But it is not spoken loudly, just calmly, and when he puts the paper down, folds it, and looks to his right, a blue man sits in Dick's chair.
He wears a three piece suit made entirely of hues of violet, tie included. He has a black brooch in the shape of a cogwheel pinned to his chest pocket, a simple chain clipped to his lapel. Black leather gloves delicately thumb Bruce's watch (no longer on his wrist, somewhere between second 45 and 46 it has stopped being on his wrist), admiring it.
"You'll forgive me," the man says with surety. "Clocks are rather my thing, and this is an impressive piece." He turns it over and reveals the 'M. Brando' roughly scratched into the silver back. He frowns.
"What a shame," he says, placing it face side up on the table.
"Most would consider that the watch's most valuable characteristic." Bruce says, voice steady, hands neatly folded before him. Two inches from the knife. To his left, there is an open doorway to the kitchen. If he turns his head, he might be able to get a glance of Tim or Alfred.
He doesn't look away from the man.
"It is the arrogance of man," the man says, raising red eyes (sclera and all) to Bruce, "to think they can make their mark on time."
"...Is that supposed to be considered so literally?" Bruce asks, with a light smile he does not mean.
The man smiles lightly back, eyes crinkling at the corners. He looks to be in his mid thirties, clean-shaven. His skin is a dull blue, his hair a shock of white, and a jagged scar runs through one eye and curving down the side of his cheek, an even darker, rawer shade of blue-purple.
The man turns the watch back over and taps at the engraving. "Let me ask you this," he says. "When we deface a work of art, does it become part of the art? Does it add to its intrinsic meaning?"
Bruce forces his shoulders to shrug. "It's arbitrary," he says. "A teenager inscribes his name on the wall of an Ancient Egyptian temple and his parents are forced to publicly apologize. But runic inscriptions are found on the Hagia Sophia that equate to an errant Viking guard having inscribed 'Halfdan was here' and we consider it an artifact of a time in which the Byzantine Empire had established an alliance with the Norse and converted vikings to Christianity."
"The vikings were as errant as the teenager," the man says, "in my experience." He leans back in his chair. "I suppose you could say the difference is time. When time passes, we start to think of things as artistic, or historical. We find the beauty in even the rubble, or at least we find necessity in the destruction..."
He offers Bruce the watch. After a moment, Bruce takes it.
"The problem, Mr. Wayne, is that time does not pass for me. I see it all as it was, as it is, as it ever will be, at all times. There is no refuge from the horror or comfort in that one day..." he closes his hand, the leather squeaking. And then his face smooths out, the brief severity gone. He regards Bruce calmly.
"You can look left, Mr. Wayne."
Bruce looks left. Framed by the doorway, Tim looks like a photograph caught in time. A stream of coffee escapes the spout of the stainless steel pot he prefers over the Breville in the name of expediency, frozen as it makes its way to the thermos proclaiming BITCH I MIGHTWING. Tim regards his task with a face of mindless concentration, mouth slack, lashes in dark relief against his pale skin as he looks down at the mug. Behind him, Bruce can see Alfred's hand outstretched towards the refrigerator handle, equally and terrifyingly still.
"My name is Clockwork," the man says. "I have other names, ones you undoubtedly know, but this one will be bestowed upon me from the mouth of a child I cherish, and so I favor it above all else. I am the Keeper of Time."
"What do you want from me?" Bruce asks, shedding Wayne for Batman in the time it takes to meet Clockwork's eyes. The man acknowledges the change with a greeting nod.
"In a few days time, you will send Superman to the Midwest to investigate the unusual seismic activity. By then, it will be too late, the activity will be gone. They will have already muzzled him."
"Him."
"There is a boy with the power to rule the realm I come from. Your government has been watching him. The day he turned 18, they took him from his family and hid him away. I want you to retrieve him. I want you to do it today."
"Why me?"
"His parents do not have the resources you do, both as Batman and Bruce Wayne. You will dismantle the organization that is keen on keeping him imprisoned, and you will offer him a scholarship to the local University. You and yours will keep him safe within Gotham until he is able to take his place as my King."
This is a lot of information to take in, even for Bruce. The idea that there could be a boy powerful enough to rule over this (god, his mind whispers) entity and that somehow, he has slipped under all of their radars is as frustrating as it is overwhelming. But although Clockwork has seemed willing to converse, he doesn't know how many more questions he will get.
"You have the power to stop time," he decides on, "why don't you rescue him? Would he not be better suited with you and your people?"
"Within every monarchy, there is a court," Clockwork. "Mine will be unhappy with the choice I have made," he looks at Bruce's watch, head cocked. "In different worlds, they call you the Dark Knight. This will be your chance to serve before a True King."
Bruce bristles. "I bow to no one."
"You'll all serve him, one day," Clockwork says, patiently. "He is the ruler of realms where all souls go, new and old. When you finally take refuge, he will be your sanctuary." He frowns. "But your government rejects the idea of gods. All they know is he is other. Not human. Not meta. A weapon."
"A weapon you want me to bring to my city."
"I believe you call one of your weapons 'Clark', do you not?" Clockwork asks idly. "But you misunderstand me. They seek to weaponize him. He is not restrained for your safety, but for their gain."
"And if I don't take him?" Bruce asks, because a) Clockwork has implied he will be at the very least impeded, at worst destroyed over this, and b) he never did quite learn not to poke the bear. "You won't be around if I decide he's better off with the government."
"You will," Clockwork says, with the same certainty he's wielded this entire conversation. "Not because he is a child, though he is, nor because you are good, though you are, nor even because it is better power be close at hand than afar.
"I have told you my court will be unhappy with me. In truth, there are others who also defend the King. Together we will destroy the access to our world not long after this conversation. The court will be unable to touch him, but neither will we as we face the repercussions for our actions. I am telling you this, because in a timeline where I do not, you think I will be there to protect him. And so when he is in danger, even subconsciously, you choose to save him last, or not at all. And that is the wrong choice.
"So cement it in your head, Bruce Wayne," the man says, "You will go to him because I tell you to. And you will keep him safe until he is ready to return to us. He will find no safety net in me. So you will make the right choice, no matter the cost."
"Or, when our worlds connect again, and they will," his voice now echoes in triplicate with the voices of the many, the young, the old, Tim, Bruce's mother, Barry Allen, Bruce's own voice, "I will not be the only one who comes for you."
"Now," he says, producing a Wayne Industries branded BIC pen. "I will tell you the location the boy is being kept, and then I would like my medallion back, please. In that order."
Bruce glances down and sees a golden talisman, attached to a black ribbon that is draped haphazardly around the neck of his bathrobe, so light (too light, he still should have—) he has not felt its weight until this moment.
Bruce flips the paper over, takes the pen, and jots down the coordinates the being rattles off over the face of a senator. By his calculation, they do correspond with a location in the midwest.
"You will find him on B6. Take a left down the hallway and he will be in the third room down, the one with a reinforced steel door. Take Mr. Kent and Mr. Grayson with you, and when you leave take the staircase at the end of the hallway, not the elevator."
The man gets up, dusts off his impeccably clean pants, and offers him a hand to shake.
"We will not meet again for some time, Mr. Wayne."
Bruce looks at the creature, stands, and shakes his hand. It feels like nothing. The Keeper of Time sighs, although nothing has been said.
"Ask your question, Mr. Wayne."
"I have more than one."
"You do," Clockwork says. "But I have heard them all, and so they are one. Please ask, or I will not be inclined to answer it."
"What does this boy mean for the future, that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for him?"
There is a pause.
"So that is the one," Clockwork says, after a time. "Yes. I see. I should resolve this, I suppose."
"Resolve what?"
"It is not his future I mean to protect," the man says. "It is his present."
"You want to keep him safe now..." Bruce says, but he's not sure what the being is trying to say.
"I am not inclined," Clockwork repeats, stops. His expression turns solemn, red eyes widening. In their reflection, Bruce can see something. A rush of movement too quick to make heads or tails of, like playing fast forward on a videotape. "Superman reports no signs of unusual seismic activity. With nothing further to look into, you let it go in favor of other investigative pursuits. You do not find him, as you are not meant to. He stays there. His family, his friends, they cannot find him. His captors tell him they have moved on. He does not believe them, until he does. He stays there. He stays there until he is strong enough to save himself."
Clockwork speaks stiffly, rattling off the chain of events as if reading a Justice League debrief. "He is King. He will always be King. He is strong, and good, and compassionate, and he is great for my people because yours have betrayed his trust beyond repair. He throws himself into being the best to ever Be, because there is nothing Left for him otherwise. We love him. We love him. We love him. My King. Forevermore."
The red film in his eyes stall out, and Bruce is forced to look away from how bright the image is, barely making out a silhouette before they dull back to their regular red.
"I am not inclined," Clockwork says slowly, "To this future."
"Because of what it means in the present," Bruce finishes for him. "They're not just imprisoning him, are they."
"They will have already muzzled him."
Clockworks is right in front of him faster than he can process, fist gripping the medallion at his neck so tight he now feels the ribbon digging into his skin.
"Unlike you, Mr. Wayne," and for the first time, the god is angry, and the image of it will haunt Bruce for the rest of his life, "I do not believe in building a better future on the back of a broken child."
"Find him," the deity orders, and yanks the necklace so hard the ribbon rips—
Clack!
"sluuuuurp!"
"Master Timothy, honestly!"
"Sorry Alfred!"
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yellowocaballero · 10 months
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dude psyched ur reading orv, insanely curious about ur takes
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My friend @charterandbarter put it best.
ORV is pretty fascinating to me. It's really just a self-insert isekai OP webnovel, and it is nothing else. Its medium is trashy and lowbrow, and its genre is almost devoid of high art. OP isekais are 'id' stories, meant to be satisfying and fun and contain very little of substance. ORV is a very well executed OP isekai - it contains the elements of the genre that make it satisfying, it understands why people read the genre and enjoy it, it reproduces those elements very well, and it is very concerned with telling an enjoyable story. ORV really, really loves webnovels and isekais and shitty wishfuillment stories. There's a lot more to ORV than the 'fist pump' moments of kdj doing something cool or pulling a fast one on a shmuck, but those moments are the undoubtedly the point of ORV, as they are the point of all SIOC isekai OP webnovels. And that's the point of ORV.
Metanarrative stories are cheap. Neil Gaiman's written 30 and millenials love waxing philosophical about the power of narratives. These metanarratives tend to describe stories as a theoretical framework through which we understand the world and our lives. Therefore, stories are tremendously important and valuable because they contain the totality of religion, history, culture, relationships, and lives. ORV says this too. But this theory tends to land at mystifying and exalting stories on virtue of them being stories, which I think misses the point. Stories aren't special because they're stories. They're not more sacred for containing our lives. What ORV says is that stories are important, because our lives are important. I like that a lot more.
ORV says that stories are our way of ordering a disordered world. A history, culture, nation, and religion are stories. None of those stories are true or real, because histories/cultures/nations/religions are constructs - they're how we interface with reality. They're created with a purpose, told for a point, pulled together into a narrative, and are satisfying or dissatisfying based on certain factors. ORV's perspective on fiction is deeply seeped in its own nature as 'low art'. There's something very cynical and commercialized about narratives in ORV, and every narrative in ORV is being told for a quick buck or to try and spread an idea for an individual's gains. It's a very unromantic, unimpressed view of narratives and fiction. It's pretty much the only way a SIOC OP isekai webnovel like ORV can talk about it without being disingenuous. And it's remarkably raw and visceral as a result, because ORV loves SIOC OP isekai webnovels like kdj loves yjh. Fiercely, insanely, like breathing, exactly for what it is. No pretensions.
It's bizarre, because ORV is about love. It's not about love for anything that deserves it. Not for a story with a lot of literary merit, a main character who is a remotely kind or lovable person, or art itself outside of its commercial or philosophical value. kdj really, really, really fucked loved TWS - because it was there, and because it lasted 15 years, and because it was fake, and because it was what he had. He loves yjh because yjh was his only companion in a dark world. That's fiction. Fiction helped him survive, because love is a way of ordering a disordered world.
I'm still reading myself, but ORV seems to be about how we manage to live in a hard world, and how to find it within ourselves to love each other and find meaning in that hard world. I see why kdj's the protagonist: he can find merit in something for existing, and loving it for being there, and he holds onto something because he has it. He sees the value in that. He read it in a book.
TL;DR: ORV is well-executed trashy commercialized art that is so obsessed with trashy commercialized art that it's looped straight back around into being somehow the most raw and visceral depiction of love I've seen in a long time.
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feeling super bombarded by "if you're over 30 and a woman, you need to be using lots of expensive and inconvenient methods to preserve your youth starting NOW, and it's probably already too late" messaging lately, and i'm just like "wtf, i'm basically still 12"
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warriorfujoshi · 1 year
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SUPER TINY DETAIL ABT GREG IN HELLS CHICKEN JP VERSION THATS MAKING ME CRAAAAAAAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYY (spoilers under da cut)
so it’s about this line
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“... C’mon, keep it together, Gregor.”
in the japanese version it’s
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「…よし、がんばろう、ぐれごぉる。」
to not overcomplicate this post... normally, you’d write his name as グレゴール, using katakana, because “gregor” is not a japanese word. however, in this case, it’s written as ぐれごぉる, using hiragana (which is normally used for japanese words).
why am i crazy about this...? well... if you look at the shape of the characters themselves you can see... 👉👉👉 グレゴール vs ぐれごぉる
hiragana (ぐれごぉる) is sometimes used instead of katakana (グレゴール) because the characters have a more rounded appearance compared to katakana, and thus give a cute, maybe even childish impression...
plus, if you just replaced the characters in グレゴール with hiragana, you might get ぐれごーる, but the japanese translation decided to make it even cuter by replacing the ー with a small ぉ (both serve the same function in the pronunciation of greg’s name, but having a smaller letter and even more rounded edges increases the cuteness...)
you could basically read it as if... greg called himself “gwegow”. it’s a moe way of speaking. he’s encouraging himself the way he would encourage a kid he’s looking after.
what...? why did they do this... for what reason did they do that...
what...................................
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willowcrowned · 3 months
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it’s actually wildly funny that amethar’s epithet came about because he was the only person in his family not horrifically murdered. imagine if every single one of your relatives got stabbed and from that point on everyone called you “johnny no-stabs." that’s amethar’s life
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july-19th-club · 1 year
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me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like#a pretty obvious case of the autisms#then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later#everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible#a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it#which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age#but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something#whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it#or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me#but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder#they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit#i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things#the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum#he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space#and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like#her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?)#but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often)#she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name
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pegasusdrawnchariots · 2 months
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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townofcrosshollow · 1 year
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Idk man if you're constantly talking about your crushing loneliness and feelings of being ostracised and left out when you ostensibly have a bunch of friends around you then maybe the feelings of loneliness aren't the problem there
#i would always feel really empty and distant and 'act out' after our hangouts#and i always framed it as like 'i get the high when i'm around people and then i crash afterwards'#and didn't really consider that maybe sitting in a vc for 4 hours feeling left out while other people have fun is just soul sucking#it was always framed as my behaviour that was the problem. 'you did this and you did that.' so i just kinda internalized that#if i felt like shit it must be my fault. everybody knows i'm the one who causes problems so i'm just causing more problems#if i say that something made me uncomfortable and the response is 'i wont make accomodations and how dare you even ask' it must be my fault#idk. we filled out consent forms in the game i'm really not excited to play and i was reminded that nobody ever asked my consebt#and when i tried to advocate for myself and voice that i wasn't consenting it was treated like i was causing problems by trying to say that#and i saw that as a reasonable reaction at the time cause i had been so deeply convinced that i was broken and horrible#that if i was trying to revoke my consent or even just negotiate it then i was ruining everything for everybody else#that if i was uncomfortable with what was going on i needed to just shut up and live with it#i wish i had realized that and dropped out months ago. maybe that could have preserved some semblance of my relationships with those people#far too late for that now. i'm trying to accept that#and all that effort was wasted anyway#i tried to say once that i was putting in a massive amount of effort and i felt like nobody was recognizing that fact#and i still kind of feel that way#i put hours of mental energy into trying to be enough for people who kept demanding more from me and kept giving me less in return#did that do me any good or did it just cause me 3 months of grief and an empty bank account from therapy?#the problem is that i still wish things had turned out better even though i know i had no control over that#if i had kept advocating for myself it just would have been over far faster. i guess that might have spared me a bit of money#if i tried to talk about the problems it would have just been dismissed with some quick quippy therapy phrase amounting to 'not my fault'#we're already living in the universe where i put all my effort into changing in the ways i was told to change and look how well that went#idk. the attitude was never 'let's fix the problems.' it was always 'you need to fix it.' and then when i did it was#'now there's a new problem. fix that one too. and this one. and that one.'#and to do all that work for somebody and then be told they thought you never even cared about them. man it just stings#idk. it's in the past now. but i can't build new relationships. i'm trying and it's impossible#i try meeting new people and they all suck. i try strengthening relationships with old people and they all get too busy or leave.#the only reason i post these things on tumblr is cause i don't have anybody else to talk to about it#the only person i could talk to has their own shit going on. there really just isn't anybody else#personal
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semercury · 1 year
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#stuff sarah says#everything is so complicated and i dont want to be alive#i dont want to die. i just dont want to be alive. theres a difference#like im fine. i wont do anything about it. just the heavy weight in my chest of wow i wish i didnt exist so bad rn#i hate people looking at me and drawing their own conclusions#and like. nothings happened. but people could start to hate me. they could. out of nowhere#and a lot of them would have a 'good' reason to. bc i dont know the answers#i dont know anything!!! i don't know what the right answer is but things feel off and wrong and i dont like it!!!#leave me alone dont look at me dont ask me my opinion dont look at me dont look at me dont look at me#im gonna go to my dr appt on monday and deal with the stupid mental health quiz and not know the answers#bc like yes i imagine what if i was dead a lot. im fine tho. its a normal thing for me#everybody just wishes they didnt exist. ive yet to meet someone who hasnt#have i lost interest in the things i used to enjoy or am i afraid something bad will happen if i do them? who's to say???#and unfortunately i cant do the 'can we skip this im in therapy im fine' thing anymore bc im not in therapy anymore#and i get to say no im not finding a new one. you think im gonna open myself up like that to a stranger?#but yeah. i think id be better off if i ran away into the wilderness#ill keep a journal and when i inevitably die to the elements it can be published like that one guy#im so scared of everyone all the time. i dont want people seeing me anymore
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wibble-wobbegong · 2 years
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listen i don’t get to drink very often. my tolerance isn’t super high. im by no means over the top drunk but i was not expecting twisted teas to really do anything and i was very wrong
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perhapsifcake · 1 year
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I love that the canonically explanation for Luffy's red hawk is "it's anime. Let it happen."
I MEAN. FAIR
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livvyofthelake · 2 years
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i think that if you’re in college and your car has a fucking alarm you should kill yourself
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fortnightthere · 9 months
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