#everything so fuck everybody suck :(

[skibasyndrome]

I'm about to throw all my academic values overboard to get this fucking article done

#linguistics are my enemy #not because I don't like the subject #I'm just........ so much less at ease with this than with literary sciene oh my god #I'm so glad I can mostly focus on lit in the future but let me tell you these few linguistics articles I have/had to do have really brought #me to my limit #and I thought I was already fed up and not giving a shit when I did that one article in summer... oh I had NO IDEA how much less of a shit #was capable of giving!!! #the thing is.... I think objectively I'm still? idk not the worst I could technically be doing #like there ARE people who straight up... idk don't even try to have a research question or who don't read more than a handful or articles b #t ugh #I like academic writing so much and I love putting in the work and I love actually getting into the reseach and finding the most important #texts and writing a balanced and well researched article but ugh..... I just feel like I keep reaching my limits with linguistics #and this time is worse than the others because this topic is SO FAR from being standardized and all I can do is ???? mention that there's #like a hundred different models and then just??? choose one and go with it? which is so fucking unsatisfying #but I swear... everybody in this field is just making up a new model that's just different words for the same thing (and not in the /normal #way that science /always/ is about making up a new model. no. this time they are very unnecessarily making up new models) #ugh. everything about this sucks #I should've chosen a different seminar I should've chose a different topic and I especially should've written more of this in summer when I #technically still had a little more time #sorry for blowing up your dash with complaints this festive season lol. I am just having a time (TM) with the different writing tasks on my #hands and I need a place to vent I guess #simon.out. #sounds so drastic btw I'm not about to cheat or plagiarize or anything but I'm about to do so much less of a proper work than I ever wanted #to allow myself to do. cherrypicking and all.

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :( #like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!! #is this the norm for adulthood? :( #& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :( #boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((: #I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx' #OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together! #'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!! #every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!! #& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(

[nomaishuttle]

btw controversial but fuckk ptsd dude yohre telling me judt bc my parents shouldnt ever have been parents now i have to be fucked up for the rest of my life .

#i know like..coping mechanisms and ris8ng above and learning to live with it but like its fucking stupid and unfair bc im never gonna stop #having ptsd yk. my episodes might get less frequent i might build happier memories but jm always gonna have these memory blocks and trigger #s and nightmares like. forever. im never gonna get to have had a normal childhood thats the most fuckedbup thing ever #like ik this is whiny but like. why. why me what did i do to deserve that childhood. not that any kid deserves abusive childhoods obviously #it sounds like im like ermmm there r wayyy worse kids who shouldve been the ones to go to the zoo 💀 but like ykwim. why does #thus have to happen to so many ppl i hate it i hate it. i wish i could just Actually forget everything instead of just like. not rly #remembering it but Knowing it..yk. i know everything that happened to me even if its all blocked out #and i still feel like. the effects of it even the stuff thats jncredibly hazy to me. and jm never not gojng to feel that. my personality hs #literally been fucking shaped by the childhood i have and like. yes you can 'change' your personality a bit and your choices blah blah blah #but like. even with that. im still always gonna be like. my first impulse will always be distrust and doubt and fear. even if i train #myself not to Act on those emotions i still will always feel them. im always going to expect people to leave even if they dont even if i #dont let myself push them away its something im always going to be terrified of in the back of my mind. im never gojng to have #proper social skills bc i fully missed out on that stage of development im never going to be like. at the same level as my peers bc i #missed out on those skills. sigh. ik ik ik feeljng inhuman and feeljng different from everybody else is a jniversal thing but i truly think #im like. im missing something that everybody else seems to have and i dont even know what it is but i know i dont have it and everyone #can tell j dont have it and it fucking. sucks . basically

[garlique]

god oh my god this sucks so fucking much, i knew today would be the worst day so far but holy fucking shit i truly just wish i was fucking dead!!

#i have a job interview tomorrow and there was ONE THING that i needed to do this weekend to prepare for it #and we were both going through withdrawals so badly that i DIDNT FUCKING DO IT #im literally just so angry at myself and at everything else in the world and i've been so fucking mean to the cats today and i hate myself #about it #i dont even WANT to go to the fucking interview tomorrow i just want to kill myself and cry and die and fucking give up on it all #this sucks so fucking badly oh my fucking god and i would bet you all like 500 fucking dollars #that ethan relapses on it today while he's at work and comes home fucking STINKING and making it worse for me #YET AGAIN #oh my god im so fucking angry im so fucking angry i just wanna scream and punch and throw and smash #AND I JUST HAVE TO KEEP IT ALL LOCKED UP INSIDE ME THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION NO FUCING OPTIONS NO CHOICES NOTHING #there will never be anything for me in this life and i dont know why i've been pretending otherwise #GOD it hasnt even been 72 hours yet can i please just be done #can i please find the first man who smoked tobacco and mass marketed it #AND FUCKING STRANGLE HIM TO DEATH???????????? #im gonna kill and cry and die and hate my life my self my everything #ive just been crying so many fucking angry tears #like i'll be so angry and when it does come out it comes as tears and i personally???? hate that shit so much #makes me feel so fucking weak #fuck everybody fuck god fuck nice people fuck mean people fuck the normalizing of horrible drugs fuck addiction and fuck myself #just gotta keep telling myself i dont need it

[ghostzzy]

being depressed fucking sucks and is a stupid goddamn waste of time and i hate it.

#i know in my heart i do not feel this way #but my brain doesn't care #so i'm literally just crying and crying and crying and crying #hating myself and everybody else hating everything about everything #wah wah why can't i just go lie down in a ditch and die #etc etc and other such things. #it just SUCKS!!!!! it's so unnecessary it's so unpleasant it's so unproductive!!!!! it's not me!!!!! #but there is nothing i can do about it!!!!! #my therapist says i need to just accept it and ride the wave and i know she's right but like also fuck that. #how much of my life do i have to spend acting like a dead fish until the pain passes. jfc. #izzy.txt

[awek-s-archived]

.

#aweks.txt #hate saying this bc it’s exactly what the hate anons from last night were aiming for but I do wanna die a lot rn FJSJFNSN #I always say if smth is justified fair enough and. no matter how ppl wanna keep saying that it wasn’t baseless. it really was #just because you can’t read doesn’t mean the rest of us relate to that too #i thought I was pretty clear but I’m not gna sit there and write out points about everything they said abt me while trying to give my #personal opinion on what I thought abt what they initially said #in their very first message they accused me of hating trans ppl and said ‘fuck you and her’ while going hard w the hate #then accused me of not being trans #then proceeded to weaponise their own identity bc I wasn’t playing into what they wanted me to act like #and I’ve been thinking abt it all night and I reached out to mutuals more educated than me to talk it out and such #people who are ACTUALLY from the communities the anons were claiming to be in #who said that it really was a huge witch hunt just for no reason #i get life is hard for everybody and it sucks but I can’t imagine hating myself so much that I go on anon to tell someone to fuck off and #then say that I’m glad I ruined their day #like that’s just. fucked up esp since you don’t know me #not to mention all the lies they told including that apparently they interact w me all the time which just isn’t true 😭 lol #anyways #all this to vent one final time and say that I’m gonna have anon off indefinitely #and just quietly work on my requests and my interactions with my mutuals :) #and just honestly to remind people that no matter how much you hate someone (in this instance me) #it doesn’t justify making things up about them or putting words in their mouths or generally making it your life mission to make their day #awful and then say you’re proud of it 😵‍💫 like I pity you. sincerely. i hope you find what you’re looking for in life and take a break from #the Internet bc you truly need it #everyone who was nice to me and dmed me I want to say thank you again and I really appreciate all your words

[funerals]

today was so bad

#didnt get the manager position which would have been a fucking 5 dollar an hour raise #and not even just that it was given to someone npt even in the floral department who also happens tp hate my guts #and bullies me at every opportunity #literally EVERYONE in that fucking store expacted me to get it and they gave to someone with no floral experience #like everybody was blindsided and thinks i shpuld have gptten it #im probably gonna have to find another job bc shes going to go out of her way to make me miserable and will most likely cut my hours #bc she has some fucking stupid grudge against me for no goddamn reason #like getting that would have over dpubled what i make a week #i want to burn the fuxking place down #like ive been in floral for literally 4 whole fucking years #im so furious dissapointed emotionally exhausted like im just so done with everyhting and everyone #also almost ran off the road today bc of some asshole #everything sucks

[tardis--dreams]

i love group work. i'd also love to scream very loudly and maybe torture one or two people with needles. but these two things are unrelated

#omg using tumblr on desktop sucks so bad #istg tumblr is my personal version of the fridge #the amount of times i tried to open that goddamm app in the last 12 hours or so just to realize it's not there is-- #i practiced a lot of korean instead lmao #but yeah back to the point: AAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhshAAHHHH #this is so frUStrating #nah we don't do the theoretical research first we go straight to analysis and then are shocked we have no idea what we're doing here #like i feel like everybody just does their own bullshit and i'm trying to glue it together #I hate the lack of control here. listen. I do another group presentation in 1.5 weeks #and we are 3 people but I am the only person who does anything and i will also most likely be the person presenting everything #but that is still better than whatever the fuck is going on here. i Hate this so much jesus christ #(i'll close this tab now so i won't be tempted to make more rant posts otherwise i might as well reinstall that app #but this is my version of a cigarette break #university ramblings

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like #with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so #upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all #im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out #with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in #network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost #posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences #ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught #abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i #moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy. #and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to #but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i #literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not #normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake #and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way #and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them #and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal.. #and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know. #ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a #therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk #i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes #sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need #a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of #therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod #which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I #specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id #prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to #save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after #and i have to get credit card . #and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin

[sol-flo]

having a fucked up jaw really is something else bc. my right side is the one that's zoinked and you might think that getting jaw pain from uhh *checks notes* ugly crying (?) would make it flare up but nah it's like my body invented an entirely new axis of rotation to get my jaw wrong in different ways on both sides at once

#everything is fuck. everybody suck. etc #im so tired of being miserable

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

I get kind of mad when people say the peacemaker show was nothing like the comics because like ok YES none of the characters Peacemaker interacted with in the comics was there except Adrian, the plot wasnt adapted from any of Peacemakers comics, and there were major changes to his backstory, but like.

 Thats all honestly kind of surface level shit. Its important to note Peacemaker has had one solo run and thats his Charlton run in the 60s, after getting folded into DC hes mostly been used as a supporting character in teambooks and has only gotten one miniseries and one oneshot, the miniseries being from 1988 and the oneshot being that piece of shit Ennis one from this year.

The Peacemaker show understood Peacemaker as a character and combined the elements from all his appearances while making him able to stand on his own as the main character of something. Show Peacemaker has elements from the stuff by Paul Kupperberg, Charlton Peacemaker, and BB2006 Peacemaker and thats why it was so good and so many people liked it. If he was a 1:1 adaptation from just one of his Set Of Appearances he wouldnt be interesting and the show wouldve sucked.

Like I probably wouldve still liked it but you know he wouldnt be as well rounded, he would’ve either been “Crazy” Funny Villain Guy, Stoic Weird Mentor Guy, or a GI Joe character who loves US interventionism. Ok thats all thank you

#this is also why I talk more about old peacemaker then current reboot peacemaker #Hes much more interesting to me in like BB2006 where he has the context of his 80s and 90s appearances #Now he just feels kind of empty without any of his history. I dont know. I still like him. #He just doesnt have as much going on and that is partly because he is now stuck only appearing as part of the suicide squad which sucks #but yeah sorry for going off here this isnt something that makes me SUPER mad but it does annoy me #But yeah the show threw everything in there thats why i love it so much #Oneliners and all the weird tech of 60s Peacemaker. The trauma and tragic backstory of Kupperberg Peacemaker #And the weird ancedotes and general desire to change and do better of 2006 Peacemaker. Its all there! #EXCEPT FOR THE FUCKING JETPACK but WHATEVER I guess #I do think were gonna see Checkmate in season 2. Thats my theory #Nows a perfect time to introduce everybody manipulating Peacemaker and being mean to him

[translaytonblr]

cannot stop thinking about miracle mask. cannot stop thinking about how beautiful of a game its trying to be while being held back by bad writing choices and even worse 3d mocap cutscenes. cant stop thinking about randall and hershel's relationship. cannot stop thinking about how randall was resurrected wrong and how layton was forced to confront the man he (thinks) he killed. cant stop thinking about henry and angela's unhealthy, festering hope that they held onto for almost 20 years. and, lastly of all, i cannot stop thinking about how level-5 bungled it all in the end

#my second favorite layton game everybody. first if we're counting original and prequel trilogies as separate from anothet #another #just. oh god #something something yes this plays into how i see ranlay im sorry. im so fucking sorry #anyways. the dichotomy of (in my little headcanon world) losing two people you loved and both of them coming back #the . the way that hershel will never be able to move on from claire because she was The One #but being able to confide and be close with your best friend who you thought youd lost forever #just. hershel has two hands #i just. fucking. Augh dude #randall and hershel 2gether 4ever trying to help each other heal but knowing some things cant scab over #randall giving hersh time and space whenever the anniversary rolls around #hersh letting randall stay over and supporting him when hes getting the Wow Everything Kinda Sucks-ies #randall and hershel being close . and apart. and close and loving and best friends and supportive #sorry for pushing my hashtag agenda again im so sorry for being a randall fan #(hes not. his alarm for school is labeled Randall Ascot Time Baby! because hes an anthropology major)

[velvetmatte]

My presentation kinda sucked and I hate my so called friends

#ivthink the presentation was like everybody elses but i really put much effort #i summarized everything but he said it was still like a book and when i objected he got angry😭 #and as for idiot frienzz🙄 they didnt support me at all. they only talk about themselves #as the time passes i know why they approached me first cuz that dumbass likes me but so he tried to use her to get to know me and tgey #found out im not into him their plan failed #like fucking high schoolers #to sum up today sucked #hoping maybe ill feel better in the evening

[just-spacetrash]

😞

#im so sickkkkk ughhhh this sucks #i have this horrible cough and i can feel my lungs rattling every time #and i have been eating so much cough drops my tongues shredded so i dont wanna eat more #and my nose is so stuffed i feel like my whole head is pressurised #but the cough is the worst i feel like im gonna gag from the force of the coughs #i hate thisssss and i have so much uni work too :((( #everything is fuck everybody sucks i wish i was healthy and it was summer #and i got a job and dont have to do summer studies to get the student support to pay the rent and everything was good and i wasnt sick #my post #this is like actual hell im just wheezing and hacking all the time

[iregreteverythingpleasehelpme]

guys should i attempt to powerwash or hack my school chromebook

faculty and admins at my school have been being super... interesting lately so i want to fuck with them and mess up at least 1 of the school computers so i can access unblocked sites and download extensions and applications or other software, and hopefully teach my friends how to do it on their school chromebooks too.

should i though? i am kinda lazy but also the faculty have not been the best this school year so idk... but i really want to annoy them

#i also plan on rickrolling everybody at the end of the school year but thats a different story #so basically the new principal has been harassing my teachers to do more unpaid/underpaid work #faculty decided to take pads and tampons out of the bathrooms which is illegal in california #and nobody is allowed to have phones anymore which is fair enough but they have started TAKING STUDENTS PHONES OUT OF THEIR POCKET #TOUCHING THE STUDENT TO GET THE PHONE #the hot lunch has chicken nuggets on mondays and my friends was RAW AND HAD A TUMOR OR VERY HARD YELLOW FAT DEPOSIT #EVEN REDDIT COULDNT TELL WHAT IT WAS #also basically everything is blocked on school chromebooks which is fucking annoying so students have literally started taking long work #arounds to do easy things #like listen to spotify #anyway school sucks so im gonna powerwash one of their chromebooks

[aashiqq]

I lied

#so #dni #idek where to start man #the first thing i can remember is that im a misogynist now apparently #wait not now #ive always been #that i judge girls for living their life and guys for having what I don't have #surely not what i want to be like literally the last thing i want to be is a misogynist #the world is not a sunshine place i imagine it to be where nobody is a racist or sexist or homophobic or ableist and everybody sings hakuna #matata or sunshine songs its pathetic it makes me wanna vomit i want to be happy but it forces me to become nihilistic with my thoughts #its fucked up its just so rotten at its core that even the smallest emotions feels like a huge generosity from the gods themselves #im at the pojnt in my life thaf if i dont act now im going to lose the years ive already lost #my entirety of teenage is gone now and im unprepared and unequipped to fight around for my life #im left catching up and apparently ive been sleeping on the track even though im the turtle #it fucking sucks to be me yk #im so so soo self centred btw i cant think of others i cant care for others unless its about me somehow #i deserve to die for whatever goes on in my head its so blasphemous to existence itself its pointless to even exist anymore #i have everything a person could ask for #loving parents a normal life a good college friends who care for me and who i care for not that financially fucked up a good career #lined up in the future #i could be stable yk i could be happy grateful satistfied #i should even be working harder to achieve what i want without losing up on reality chasing my dreams #and what do i do #what the fuck do i do????? #cry over a girl just because she was supposed to *save* her virginity for when we got married??????? #how stupid is that????? #she doesnt owe me anything she can do what she wants with her life she isnt someone i control or any such thing #who am i to judge people im literally just a loser npc simpleton who's been left alone and normal so long he's forgotten how to exist #i feel disgusted with myself #its just like the times i have the wild theories about whos doing what behind my back