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cryptidcutiesstuff · 3 years

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I’m Stronger than you think!

this is a Bucky x reader thing i decided to write. the story is actually my own OC’s backstory so i would appreciate if you didn’t take any “inspiration” for your own characters :) i just thought people would like to read it through their own eyes :D

in this chapter there isn’t any Bucky unfortunately, its just an introduction to Y/N, but Bucky should appear in upcoming chapters :D

pairing: Bucky x Reader :)

chapter 1

warnings: mentioned infertility and adultery

I met him in Highschool, a nice sweet boy who helped me pick up my books that had been so carelessly pushed to the floor by a blonde haired wannabe. I was always bullied, sometimes for my appearance but mainly for my personality. Now you see being a strong independent woman was not very appealing in the 1930s, but for some reason he didn’t care about that. We went on dates, and eventually fell in love and were a couple for more than 4 years until he popped the big question. I thought everything was fine, I was happy, but apparently he wasn't. And it was because I was infertile, unable to have kids.

That lying son of a bitch! I stomped through the crowded office building in my black heels, angrily walking up to my car ready to drive away from him, how could he do this to me after everything. “Y/N, Please!” I turned around and tore off the chain of metal that was hanging round my neck, throwing it carelessly at the man who I once loved. He bought me that necklace on our first date. I always kept it on me “here! Keep it, or better yet give it to the nice secretary in the office!” I said as tears rolled down my flushed cheeks. 2 years we had been married, I cared for him, stayed at home for him, cooked, cleaned. I was even willing to bear his children if I was able but instead he betrayed me and my trusting nature.

“Y/N, I'm sorry, please forgive me!” he pleaded, grabbing my hand. I pulled it away from his grip, “how long?” “what?” “how long have you been sleeping with her?” I looked into his eyes, my eyes being full of pain and sorrow. “A year and a half” he weakly stated, breaking eye contact with me. My eyes widened in disbelief, I had been ignorant for nearly the entirety of our marriage. “Why then?” he began to get irritated, curling his hands into a fist, “Joshua! Why?” I repeated. “Because you can't have children!” he shouted at me. I just stood there stunned, that simple sentence stabbed me straight through the heart. I quickly recomposed myself and then spoke up furious and yelled “yeah. Believe me I know that! It's the one thing I am meant to do as a woman, and I can't do it! And I'm sorry that I can't!” My outburst seemed to shut the both of us up. “Josh, obviously this isn't working any more, we don't work, so maybe…..maybe it's better that we go our separate ways, I'll stay with a friend temporarily, I'll go get my belongings now.” I said as I turned around, Joshua didn't say anything but watched me get into my car and drive away.

For the duration of the drive I was trying to contain the rest of the bottled emotion that was threatening to spill, I just needed to get to my friends current apartment, Peggy Carter, she was leaving in a few days for the war. When she told me her brother helped her get a place in the war as field agent I couldn't help but have my worries. Women weren't exactly treated well by men, and unfortunately she was going to be surrounded by them. How different things would be if women were respected and treated as a males equal, instead of being sexualised and thought as the “weaker sex”. Pulling my car up on the pavement, I momentarily sat there until I let my head drop onto the steering wheel, unbeknownst to me I slammed my forehead right into the car horn, causing a loud beep to rupture from the vehicle startling me. Clutching my heart I stepped out trying my best to ignore all the staring faces of the civilians around the area while walking over to Peggy’s apartment complex. I ran up to her door knocking on it frantically, she opened it wide not expecting me to be there. She looked at me, eyes softening when she saw my broken expression. “Oh Y/N darling.” her British accent rang through my ears as she invited me in for a hug. The exact moment she placed her head on top of mine was when I broke, I sobbed while she held me tightly, “what's the matter? What happened?” “ Its Josh, he's been cheating on me for most of our marriage.” I said but I came out as a muffled sob from her shoulder. She pulled away, brushing hair behind my ear. “Oh Y/N, I'm so sorry. Tea and talk?” I sniffled and nodded in agreement as she shut the front door, walked over to the kitchen and placed the kettle over the stove.

When it was done, we began talking about Joshua and how I should have known he was cheating from the strange behaviour, he stayed out late often, didn't kiss me as much and never really wanted to get intimate with me. As the pieces added up I became more frustrated at myself for not noticing it earlier, I could have saved myself the heartbreak of finding him making out with his secretary in his office. I decided to flip through a few newspaper clippings Peggy kept on her kitchen island in an attempt to take my mind off Joshua. ”you could have punched him in the face you know.” Peggy piped up. “I know you're pretty good at a few hand to hand combat techniques courtesy of your father!” I looked up from the small newspaper clipping. “yeah, I know but I didn’t wanna waste my famous right hook on ‘im you know” We burst out into a fit of giggles at the thought of Joshua on the ground. “You would probably be good at fighting in the war, Y/N.” I gave her the ‘yeah right’ face.

The conversation died down and a peaceful silence covered the room, the smell of the tea helped put my mind at ease a little. “So you’re going to war soon?” I broke the pause. “Yes I am, I'm quite excited actually, I'll be doing field work mostly but I hope I'll be of some help at least.” I smiled “I’m sure that you’ll be great! it must be fun, I would give anything to go there myself. Maybe beat some sense into those brainless misogynistic pigs.” my smile turned into a smirk as Peggy laughed at my statement. “Well I could always recommend you to the colonel, he's the one that kind of runs the place.” I placed my china teacup down carefully onto its matching coaster. “Thanks for the offer peg, but I doubt they would even let me, a woman, near any tactical equipment.” there was a long pause once again until I made a quick snappy joke “unless I somehow dressed as a guy and infiltrated their army base.” I giggled at the silly thought, however Peggy didn't, I looked over cautiously not knowing if I had pushed any the wrong buttons. That was until I saw the look of determination in her eyes. “Peggy NO!”, “Peggy YES!”.

“That’s a terrible idea! And what happens if they find out huh? What then?” I crossed my arms looking at her from across the kitchen island. “By the time they find out it would be too late!”. “No Peggy it ain't happening, they wouldn't let me!” she stood there for a while “fine!” she sat down with a huff and we left it at that. We finished our tea and as the day began to end she walked me to my car, talking about when the war would be over, not knowing what the future would hold. Once I reached my car I threw my coat into the passenger's seat and closed the door for a moment while I gave Peggy a goodbye hug. “Thanks peg I needed that, I'll be on my way to Jacqueline's place, I'm staying there until I can get away from Joshua.” we parted and she gave me a gentle, reassuring smile. “You know that offer is still there.” “what offer?” there was a pause as I tried to remember what we spoke about, a light bulb went off in my head as it clicked. “PEGGY NO!” I stared at her in disbelief. “Y/N, come on, you know you really want to join. I could find someone willing to help you!” I knew she wasn't going to give up on asking me, so I reluctantly agreed. “Fine, you can try.'' I loved Peggy truly. but I unfortunately didn't have much faith that she would help me join the war. “Great! Well I hope you sort everything out with bloody Joshua.” I nodded in agreement and got into my car. I waved Peggy goodbye as I drove to Jacqueline’s ready to announce that I would be having a sleepover for a long while. Little did I know that I wouldn't be staying there for very long.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barnes #x reader #marvel #captain america #captain america the first avenger #peggy carter #reader gets cheated on

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rjalker · 2 years

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oh my god, im so sorry, it was anything but my intention to come off as condescending! I just assumed you hadn't read the whole series because both its *stupid* long lol, and most people who have your opinions on it haven't read the entire series (including me at first)! I'm actually autistic and have had Animorphs as a special interest since the third grade, so I've read it more times then I can even count at this point, lol. Anyways, I really didn't mean anything by it, so sorry! I just think I want people to enjoy something like this as much as I do, and when someone calls something I like bigoted, it just makes me feel bad by proxy and it gets all blegh, you know? Lol

I'm so sorry people have lied to you about things in the book though! I know that can't feel nice, especially for another person that's read the series so much. I've just met so many wonderful people in the community and it feels like not everyone can be bad, right? A little open-mindedness goes a long way :)

And about my account, I just never use tumblr, and when I do I'm normally logged out. I'm sorry if that puts you off, and if it triggers you I'm totally okay with not messaging you anymore!

(continued) Also, there were just a few things you posted that kinda made me feel like you didn't read the whole series, because I felt like it was a bit more clear if you had read the whole series? Like Jake and Marco grappling against having a controller so close to them, Tobias' identity crisis after becoming a nothlit, Cassie struggling against her own morality and the reasons as to why she's really fighting. It was still wrong of me to assume that, though, and I sincerely apologize.

my problem with empty blogs is that a lot of them are people who I've blocked who are making new blogs so they can harass me/keep accessing my posts, so as long as it's just because you don't use tumblr often, it's fine.

Apology accepted. You aren't a bad person for liking the Animorphs, it would only be if you were actively defending the bigotry that you'd be a bad person.

https://rjalker.tumblr.com/tagged/rjalker-reads-the-animorphs

^ here's a link to my Animorphs tag which you can scroll through if you want to find my reasoning for calling the books and characters bigoted. You can also try searching for their names, rjalker.tumblr.com/search/(insert the character's name here) but tumblr's search function is terrible so that's not guaranteed to actually work.

The short version is:

If Jake wanted to rescue Tom, he could have done so at any time, especially if we are expected to believe that these books take place over the course of three whole years. He could have rescued Tom at literally any point. It would be so easy. He can literally just fake his death if he doesn't want him to be recaptured. Jake never attempts to rescue Tom after the first failed attempt, despite the war apparently going on for three years. If he actually gave a shit about Tom, he would have kept trying to rescue him no matter what.

And the same goes for Marco. Killing his mother is in no way required for them to kill her Controller whose name I can't be bothered to remember right now because I don't care. Marco just immediately jumps straight to murder when capturing people is infinitely easier, especially with the Chee available to help.

I hate Tobias with every fiber of my being. He is an asshole, a misogynist, and just obnoxious. You can just search my blog for his name because there is too much to list. He says he won't accept charity and then he breaks into Cassie's barn to kill her patients. He treats Rachel like shit and laughs when she's upset. There is nothing good about him at all. And it especially pisses me off because he could have been such a good character, but no, he's just an asshole in every respect.

Cassie has also done too much horrible crap for me to just summarize it. Re-read book 19 if you have it, and put yourself in Karen's shoes. Cassie prioritizes making friends with the slave owner who is currently torturing their slave over rescuing the slave, who is a little girl being tortured. Cassie, at every opportunity, places her standing on the moral highground over the safety and wellbeing of everyone around her, including literally everyone on the planet.

#Rjalker reads The Animorphs #The Animorphs #Animorphs spoilers

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americachavez · 3 years

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ok so, i'm one of those fake fans – never watched a single episode of spn but was deep into destiel until i lost interest because of the terribly toxic way the writers treated the fandom – so you know what, i have hope, lets – for the first time ever – watch an spn episode and lets make it the finale right? and i'm just.. is every episode like this? extremely badly structured? plot hole galore? bad acting unless someone is dying??? like, the tonality was fucking bonkers. is that what it's like??

uh whew you really should have come to kiran auntie first before making that call because there’s no way I’d have let you watch that as your very first supernatural episode, regardless of quality. and ok I have not seen every single episode of the cw’s supernatural but I think I can definitively say that episode 19 and 20 of season 15 were the two worst episodes they’ve ever done

and look. look. I am not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you this is quality television. from day one (ESPECIALLY day one whoof) it had corny dialogue, messy plots, and mediocre to bad acting. it was a GENRE TV SHOW on the WB NETWORK in 2005, that was a given. besides that, it has been misogynistic and racist and homophobic and was very much still a relic of the bush administration era of television for a long long time. the fandom was also just as bad lol no one really covered themselves in glory in the 2000s, which was an incredibly cursed decade where gay was a normal insult to use for everything bad. however. it was very fun genre tv, with some really delightful writing at times and is pretty unique for what it was. they took a monster of the week format and made it last 15 years, with varying levels of quality but an overall solidly enjoyable piece of media. it (sort of) grew with the times, even though they had some um. growing pains. and despite the multiple showrunners and creative teams they still managed to produce a pretty solid body of work. there are some killer fucking episodes of good tv in there, the aesthetic is great, I still genuinely think the balance of humor and drama is really well done for the majority of the show.

the last two episodes were not.....idk. idk what show I’ve been watching this whole time but it definitely wasn’t that. ESPECIALLY the last episode. you can’t blame it all on covid, because that just affects the shooting schedule, not the actual script, editing, WIG DEPARTMENT (??), etc. it was just BAD TV, like they just completely forgot how to make a regular tonally consistent television episode even factoring in the adjustments for covid. I promise you even at its worst (I think, we skipped most of season 7 lol) supernatural was not this bad. yes, I’m including bugs, which for some reason I remember thinking was a fine episode but I was also like 15 at the time, so. grain of salt.

also dean/cas is still a really solid fucking ship. I didn’t need it to be canon, although I absolutely would not have watched the finale live if they hadn’t made the angel gay because I’m a fucking dumbass. there’s a lot of great content, it’s obviously bait but I much prefer subtext between two well-developed characters instead of a random side gay character who gets a partner and then vanishes for the rest of the series. however that is another topic altogether I have already exposed too much of my personal damage tonight

anyways the point is even aside from how it ended, I’ve been having a lot of fun catching up on the seasons I missed during the 10-year blackout period I had where the cw’s supernatural just did not exist in my level of reality, and I am gonna keep watching until I’ve caught up. I still really enjoy the show, I like the characters, I think a lot of the people who made the show would have made a lot of different choices but their hands were tied by the showrunners/producers/execs/etc. I ignore a lot of the stuff the cast and crew has said over the years because who cares, death of the author, etc etc. I also think the fandom was a little insane during the height of the show’s popularity and while it doesn’t excuse some shitty behavior on the cast/crew’s part it does uuuhh explain some choices.

do I recommend you watch the rest of it? eh. idk. if you’re into destiel I think it’s fun, but just stop at ep 18 when you get to the last season, which apparently was pretty solid up until last week. if you can separate yourself from the conclusion and the intents of the producers/writers to just watch the rest of the show, I’d say go for it. again, for the most part it’s fun, although I speak from a place of someone who was really really into supernatural before my frontal lobe fully developed. AGAIN. grain of salt.

my friend @vespasiana is working on a recommended spn watch list, and there is another good one here if you don’t feel like committing to the whole thing

im gonna stop talking about supernatural now hope this helps <3

#reply tag #spn tag #really can’t believe you forced me at gunpoint to write a goddamn essay about the cw’s supernatural you sick fuck #Anonymous

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janiedean · 4 years

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serious talk but i’m honestly stumped as to why jcs are the ones sending hate. i’m not saying anyone should send or receive hate but in every other fandom i’ve been in the ‘problematic’ shippers are generally chill and stay in their lanes, while being the ones getting sent hate. i’m not saying jcs never get hate but i’ve never seen taboo shippers be the ones doing the harassing before.

*shrug*

I had an anon addressing that at length in june so if you want that entire discussion it’s here https://janiedean.tumblr.com/post/185642667908/hello-im-sorry-for-disturbing-you-but-im-quite

that said I’ve been considering it for years bc honest I never was in the situation where I argued with **problematic shippers and like you can ask anyone in the theon corner who’s also in th/ramsay fandom that I’ve defended them countless times regardless of the OMG YOU’RE SICK people coming from (sadly) my side because they got trashed to hell and back, and like… I have it on record that even if I’m not into badwrong stuff I will defend people who ship it bc everyone should ship what they want. and everywhere even within this fandom **problematic shippers usually stay in their lane - I mean ffs I don’t think I’ve ever ran into anyone shipping idk th/ramsay or sansa/lf or whichever other badwrong ship being like that. and jcs get way less hate than any of them and half of that is jb people telling them to can it after they crosstag hate on purpose and then pearl clutch that ohmygod we’re so hateful, but if you want my two cents, under the cut bc it’s long and is2g if someone shows up telling me this is me accusing jc shippers as a whole of whatever I’m blocking on sight:

that part of jc fandom has done that since I remember being in this fandom, and with that part I mean that there’s a bunch of jc people who either multiship or are like sane people who aren’t partaking in fandom or left bc they didn’t want to be associated with that attitude

that part of jc fandom has spun a narrative since 2011 that if you didn’t like c. or thought j. was a better person than she was (or tyrion too) you were a closeted misogynist and like… a lot of those people were bnfs back in the day so basically criticizing c. and/or saying that jaime isn’t a bad person now automatically means that you’re problematic/a misogynist/hate women and no one countered it bc apparently saying that grrm is not necessarily misogynist for writing c. as a villain is a controversial opinion which means that if they coat their analysis in performative feminism they have the upper hand *shrug*

in this context c. being the abuser/bad person is downplayed/turned over on its head and no one recognizes that jc is indeed an abusive rship where j. is the abused/wronged part and you can see that because 90% of the meta published in this fandom villainizes j. in nonsensical ways just so it’s an argument that he’s as bad as c. if not worse and jc is seen as codependent toxic but not as abusive with power imbalance which means that it’s not seen as necessarily *problematic* or badwrong which means they don’t get the shit that everyone else shipping badwrong gets which… good for them bc no one should get shit for shipping what they want but basically they never were on the side of receiving anon hate all day long and they actually were on the side of sending it all day long

and like sorry but that’s factual, some people in that side of fandom were making burned ground around jb before S2 and the moment jb became popular they were on us/the ship like woah because obviously if people shipped jb they should buy the narrative where j. is redeemable/not a terrible person, and the moment people buy that narrative then theirs is automatically put in question, and so they started painting us as the problematic straight women who are homophobic bc they don’t think brienne is lgbt and want her with j. bc we want to fuck him and we’re projecting, which at the same time makes us sound like we’re making shit up and have no textual analysis to base stuff on when in fact we do, but again in this climate where saying c. is terrible = you’re a misogynist you’re automatically discredited the moment you say that and that j. isn’t as horrible as she is

also, since the people enabling that shit in jc fandom were bnfs (like there’s… one bnf in jc fandom who’s an a+ person and didn’t engage in shitting over us at least but everyone else enabling it was a bnf) it meant that the ‘let’s shit on jb shippers’ behavior was always condoned/let slide, so basically if anyone wanted to get popularity points being asses to us was the best way to go at it, and that’s why 90% of what’s remained of them rn is more interested in sending anon hate to jb shippers than producing content, and every single time it’s turning things over on their head making it sound as if we started it or anything of the kind. too bad that I’ve been here since before jb was a show thing and I can 100% remember the times people asked me privately questions aimed into guilttripping me from having jb as a sideship in t/hrobb fic and I was terrified of what would happen when I put it as a sideship in sfbd which is btw one of the reasons I dropped it for a year the first time round *shrug* (yeah it’s been long enough that I think I can say that *shrug*)

basically: I think that those specific jc shippers have…. issues in the sense that they’re caught in some very unhealthy internet presence thing in which they’ve been doing this thing since like 2013 if not earlier and now they can’t stop and the new ones who fall in that crowd follow suit and no one ever told them to can it or that it wasn’t okay or whatever, and now it’s too late to do anything except waiting for grrm to publish wow, have c. die somewhere j. is not and have the entire ‘they’ll die together’ discourse die and maybe they’ll stop. but like… again: i made the blog private for three months, I put it back to public, before I could even make the post saying it like three minutes after I went public again I got a jc anon. within the first week I had twenty. and they showed up the moment I put it back to public. just that is a level of unhealthy that should be enough to state whoever’s doing this needs help like very much because it’s like basically stalking, but hey, it’s all my fault because I said jc is an abusive rship and he’s not the abuser. *shrug* like: at this point I’m legit worried for them because this isn’t healthy and I really hope they get help because there’s no reason why they should come at me like that when I’m in my lane all the damned time except for the single occasions pointed out in the first linked post. the only explanation is that they can’t handle the fact that I’m existing and expressing an opinion they disagree with when I don’t even know them so if it’s the problem………. I really hope they get a grip. because it’s not healthy. period.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #Anonymous #ask post #only slightly less toxic than chernobyl's ruins #anti-cersei lannister #anti-cersei #anti-lannincest #anti-jaime x cersei #jb wank #is2g this is JUST FOR THOSE SPECIFIC JC SHIPPERS #I DON'T MEAN JC SHIPPERS AS A WHOLE #I DON'T MEAN C. FANS AS A WHOLE #I ONLY MEAN THAT ONE GROUP THAT'S BOTH HERE AND ON TWITTER BEING TERRIBLE #hopefully it was clear

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feralhogs · 4 years

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Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY

#zee5tarbug #asks #chatty tag #I DID IT

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coralsgrimes · 2 years

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the fact this anon really thinks calahan and danielle are oooo genuine and lovely Ben and jessie are so fakeeee. Girl. Yes cal and Danielle are so genuine his ass got with a skinny insta model and posts about her every two business days. They were literally the only two people filming with each other, I would be more surprised if they DIDNT have BTS content and even with that it’s not that much. I don’t get how you can call Ben and Jessie fake bc of their interactions during the con, they never-

OKIE! before I start! I hope I put the part together in the right order lol also... feels like a first degree murder imma about to get maself into but will it stop me?

Okay, so the other muffin and me decided that Danielle and Clahan have more genuine relationship going on. Meaning friendship. Now, ye here are going for some shit which is not only his personal preference but makes ye sound misogynistic GIRL! Are ye pushing yer felling here like hard as fuck? I never seen Calahan post about her that often. There is only one pic of them on his insta and lotsa more of Dani. Yep, they were a clear couple in the show, which does not change the fact that they do seem genuine. Here is a post of them! GUESS WHO POSTED THIS??? does not look like backstage to me but ma eyes are bad so ;ccc

FANS HAVING QUICK REFLEXES! They were literally constantly recorded? And Benny knows how cons works, lotsa folks and everyone wants to meet him xd he's fully aware, remember the video when he looks into the camera to fix his mask? He was embarrassing himself in the autograph booth while it was sure thing muffins were holding them phones up x.x OH AND THE HUG VIDEO? i won't repeat myself cuz there is no point.

There are couple of posts of Benny and Jessie on his ig. Most popular posts on his feed in 2021 they are. ALSO funny thing, they are mostly behind the scenes pics. The not so much pics came from Jessie and others but not so much from Benny! He does have a cute video with Freddy tho 💓 More than 200 fans seen the shite. There were fucking screams and moans when Benny was walking by. It's all posted online, watched thousand of times. Hundreds over the weekend the con happened... They were overexposed to them fans at every step like a fucking instagram filter ;c

LIL DIGRESSION! OMG thank good they separated the stupid vegans from everyone else (imma a vegetarian but huns vegan mindset is bad for so many reasons and if imma going all out I might call this shite out as well! so thanks god they were separated ;cc probably it was the overpriced side too right? cuz the PLANTS were exported for them rich kids from low income countries leaving people to starve am I right??)

ANYWAY! he ate lunch with her? APPARENTLY? I mean they basically married ;c thanks for educating me GIRL! also lol remember boy making fool of himself cuz he needs to show Jessie the vegan treats? ofc with best fan around and cameras... ACTION!

I do know nothing about Jessie but even I can tell she ain't big on social media. She distanced herself from darklina fans on social media too, was also uncomfortable as fuck with Benny around. And im gonna say the same shit I said then. Im sorry for her. Cuz clearly Jessie is not into it. And by it I mean their non-existent relationship which would feed them fans full.

BUT BOY OH BOY! GUESS WHO IS?!?!?! Guess who initiated the shite? made fool of himself? knows how the cons work? KNOWS WHAT THE FANGIRLS WANT? take a guess. like any answer, really.... THEY were not into it, it was only Benny Boy who wanted it all.

I have over 1.5k posts on this blog (hold them applauses 😥) and 60% of these will show ye exactly that Benny needs the fangirls attention and love. All he does is on purpose and not genuine at all. He uses social media for that reason only, them fans and their praises. And lately darklina and bessie is all he has going on. Ye even got a classic example today. Boy posted a lil SAB picture, got them fans all wet and ready and then BOOM another one of his stupid songs drops. He was doing it constantly, when his engagement was low - DARKLINA. Before he drops the shitty music anything - DARKLINA! Soooo yeah, the con was perfect opportunity to push the shit up.

Soooo ye see where im going right? It is fake and even more, it's one sided. Probably forgot loads of stuff but that's the gist I feel ;c

TL;DR

Bessie is fake AF. Benny is into it and pushes hard cuz show must go on and it pays off to him big times. Jessie is not into it at all, SHE WAS FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HIS ANTICS, so there is nothing here but well whatever ye see and believe in ;c

#im tired ye guys #but do ye have more evidence for me?#cuz im gonna bin the shite straight away #and ye see calahan and danielle are smart about it #they do push the shite too #but unlike beyyn they do not turn it up to 95498% x.x #that's why it seems far more genuine and believable #there is like no point in me responding to this #but i do hate myself sooooo x.x

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girlbetweenryosuke · 6 years

Text

“Rogue and Reigning” -- Chapter I

Chapter I: The Rogue Prince

Note: Hello! Ok so u might be thinking oh my god she’s making another story she aint gon finish bUT wait ok i swear im going to finish this. ALSO yes i didn’t put a watermark on the title thing bc it kind of ruins it?? I quite like it like really simple ya kno idk but anyway those aren’t my photos so ofc there’s no need for my watermark hAHAHAH

Teaser: (I don’t really have a good teaser so this is an excerpt from the second chapter)

“I’m someone who wants to step up, and you are someone who wants to step down. But quite surprisingly, we are both outcasts. I want the throne, and yet I am not given it. You want to be a commoner, and yet you are forced to wear a crown. I guess it’s natural that we envy each other... But maybe that’s why somehow, we complete each other. Opposites attract,

and I am well over attracted to you.”

“No.”

The word this young princess feared to hear the most. That’s especially when that was the answer to a request that she had built up an abundance of courage for. She was sitting on a cushioned seat, hands on her lap, ankles crossed and to the side as she sat up straight. She followed all the rules, she had all the manners, she was deemed as a perfect princess—and this was the only time she was willing to go against that title.

“Father, please.”, she begged as the king sat on his seat behind the desk. His arms on each armrest and legs apart as he huffed. “I cannot allow you to be the crowned queen.”, he said as Y/N looked down, tears welling up in her eyes. “But father,”, she looked up, scared to look him in the eyes. “I am the first-born child. I can be a good leader. I have been studying every single detail about our country’s history, politics, and economy since I have been a toddler. I am very much prepared!”, she continued.

The king leaned forward, sitting up from leaning on his chair as he looked her in her eyes. “Y/N, my dear, you have been studying our history, am I correct?”, he asked, and Y/N nodded, “Yes.”. “Then you must know that throughout our family’s 449-year reign, no woman has been appointed as a queen.”, he said the words that annoyed Y/N the most. “Goodness, even your mother wasn’t a queen. Women in this monarchy are only princesses. They cannot hold such power a king can have.”, he said.

Y/N huffed, looking away and shaking her head. “Well then, I suggest that there be a change.”, she looked him back in the eye as she regained confidence. This. This was the thing that drove Y/N to want to rule as queen. She wanted to prove that a woman can be leader-material. What a man can do, a woman can do too. Aside from that, she had planned for ages on what she wanted to change in her country of Seina.

Seina is an archipelago off the east coast of Japan. Since they were so near Japan, it was once part of it during the Heian period to around half of the Edo period. After they were separated from the country back in 1569, they were colonized by Europe and their first language of Japanese was mixed with English, creating their now first language, Seinese; their now second language, Japanese. The monarchy began with their first king, King Morita. He wrote in his will that his crown must be passed to a man, not a woman, and no one really understood why, but that is why kings must always have sons, no matter what. Y/N’s great-grandfather was the last child of 12 siblings, all of them being girls, which explains how grave they take his will.

And Y/N wants to know why.

She loved her country, that’s why she wanted to fix it. Poverty rates were rising, the economy was on the brink of collapsing, riots were forming here and there, and there was no escaping from the reality that her father’s reign was one of the worst. On top of that, the idea of misogynism was evident in the country taking from its beliefs that men and women aren’t equal beings. She went to charity works, she’d immersed with the crowd to study what wasn’t included in history books. She knew what had to be done, and she knew she had to do it now.

“There’s no need for a change when you have a little brother who is an heir to the throne.”, he replied. “Father, he is 6-years-old.”, she said with pity for her sibling who will soon be holding the burden of the crown. “In a year, once you’ve stepped down, Hiro will only be 7. He’s merely a child!”, she ranted. His forehead puckered, seemingly beginning to be annoyed at her words.

“Don’t paint be as a bad man when I am only following traditions.”, he urged. “Next year will be my 50th year of reign, and you know what that means, right?”, he asked as she gulped and nodded. “Every 50 years, we have to appoint the heir of the throne as king. In a year, I will teach him everything that Hiro needs to know.”, he said. “I will begin with manners, but apparently you need a brush up on your manners too.”, he said, setting Y/N aback as she silently scoffed to herself. “Do not be late for your flight to Japan, you must learn more about our history with them before you create these unrealistic ambitions for yourself. You are dismissed.”, he flicked his hand away, gesturing her to leave. She bit the inside of her cheek, standing up and bowing deeply, her right hand hesitantly on her left chest, “Excuse me.”. She left the room with fire in her chest, feeling anger in her veins.

She had more than one reason for wanting to be a queen. She loved her country, she loved to serve, she wanted to break the foolish traditions and on top of that—

“Y/N…”, her brother approached her, tugging on the sleeves of her dress. She turned around to see Hiro, teary-eyed, and pouting. She pouted, squatting down to hug her brother, petting the back of his head. “Did he say yes?”, he faltered. Y/N looked down as tears started to drip down her cheek, “No.”, she hesitantly answered as the little boy’s breath hitched. He then began to wail, face red, strings of saliva appeared when he opened his mouth and his face wet with tears. She rubbed his small back as she comforted him. “I don’t want to be the king. I don’t want to be the king.”, he cried.

On top of that, Y/N loved her little brother.

In her room, she let her body fall on her bed, feeling tired from putting a brave front to confront her father. “If it meant to rule a country, I wish I was a man.”, she said to herself, arms on her forehead as she stared at the ceiling. Then, there was a knock on the door. “Come in.”, she said as she heard the door open and close. “Princess Y/N, someone wishes to have an audience with you.”, her trusted maid, Kiera, said. “Who is that someone?”, Y/N asked as Kiera cleared her throat. “He wishes for me to not reveal his name.”, she repressed a smile.

Then, Y/N, sprang up, knowing exactly who “he” was. She slipped on a robe and ran out into the corridor, Kiera frantically trying to catch up to her. Y/N quickly ran downstairs and out into the front courtyard to find the most dashing man in her eyes, Riinen. Riinen is her best friend, a son of a cabinet member. His caramel-colored hair was always slicked back, he had gray-blue eyes and thick brows. He always looked neat, not a strand of hair out of place, not a wrinkle on his shirt, neither a spot on his shoes unpolished. She loved him—well to be fair, everyone did. He was a truly perfect man.

But the thing Y/N wishes she could see, was the true him. She’d never seen him cry, despite the many times he had seen her cry. She’d never seen him tired or sweat, he always looked like some Ken doll. She’d never seen him in his casual clothing, he’s always in a white long-sleeved polo, and black slacks and black polished shoes. She wanted to see more of him. She wanted to fall more in love with him, but he was acting like a prince that doesn’t break walls to let people in. She hated that—well to be fair, everyone did.

She jumped to him, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed his cheek as he carried her. “I missed you!”, she pulled away and he laughed, “Not as much as I missed you, Your Highness.”. She let go of him, letting her feet touch the ground again. She gestured for them to walk together to which he nodded. Her maid followed along, out of hearing-range so that they could privately talk. “So how was Canada?”, she asked, “It was extremely cold!”, he complained, a smile on his face as he rubbed his shoulders, pretending to shiver.

“Colder than Mt. Sundire?”, she asked, pertaining to the coldest mountain in Seina. “Colder than Mt. Sundire.”, he nodded, and she shivered. “Was it fun, though?”, she asked, looking up at him. “Oh, for sure it was. Mary and I had a great time sight-seeing and such.”, he smiled. She looked down at the thought that he was having fun with another girl. “Hey, don’t be so sad.”, he lightly turned her shoulders to turn to him. She looked into his dreamy eyes as she gulped. “Mary is just a girl, so don’t be so jealous.”, he smiled.

She blushed remembering that Riinen did in fact know that Y/N loves him. He’s already accepted it, and even teases her for it. Although he has never been clear with his feelings, he does show his affection to her, making Y/N both confused and happy at the same time. As she looked into his eyes, she noticed how cold looking they were, beautiful, but unwelcoming. They say a person’s eyes were the windows to one’s soul, and yet she couldn’t see anything in them. His eyes were empty. “Would you like to go out with me? Have a little drink?”, he asked her, and she pursed her lips and hesitantly shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I have to fly to Japan today, I have an official meeting with the Emperor’s grandchildren.”, she pouted.

That was a lie. No, the official meeting was not the lie, but the true reason behind Y/N visiting Japan is not for her to meet the Emperor’s grandchildren. The real reason as to why she was going there was to research more about why Seina was separated from Japan. She needed an explanation as to why there were so many misogynistic traditions in their culture. And, she desperately needed an answer as to why the first king, King Morita, did not want women to lead the country.

He smiled and tilted his head, then pouting, “I guess I’ll have to drink alone again, Your Highness.”. “Hey, don’t drunk text me again, alright?”, she smiled, lightly pushing his chest as he laughed. “Princess Y/N.”, Kiera bowed with her hand on her chest and called her. Y/N turned to her and nodded, “It is time to leave. Your luggage is all packed and placed in the vehicle and is waiting for your arrival.”, she said as Y/N pursed her lips and nodded. “Alright.”. “I guess I’ll be going now.”, she smiled and patted Riinen’s chest. “See you!”. “See you, Your Highness!”.

After Y/N changed into her proper clothes, she rode a limousine to the airport, and from there, she rode an airplane to Japan. It only took an hour until she was already stepping on the Japanese grounds. She was greeted by various politicians, performers, and had to pass and greet different people before she was able to be in her own private space in a car.

“Are you alright, Princess Y/N?”, Kiera asked, sitting in the front seat next to the driver. “I’m perfectly fine, thank you.”, she replied, sighing and looking out the window. She examined the environment, finding everything beautiful and amazing how color coded-like the city was. The streets were clean, and very seldom would you see a piece of trash on the ground. It was very much different from Seina where the streets of the rural areas would have trash and homeless people. She wishes to fix that—very soon.

They arrived at the palace, Y/N noticing 3 women of her age lined up with a little boy in the middle. The driver opened the door for her, and she stepped out as the four of them bowed to her, “Good afternoon, Princess Y/N.”, they said in unison. Y/N smiled and returned the bow, with her hand on her left chest, “Good afternoon, Princess Chihiro, Princess Misaki, Prince Mamoru, and Princess Airi.”. It was a mouthful to say all of their names, just imagine if there were more.

She was then led into the palace with smiles as they toured her around. She noticed how Chihiro held Mamoru’s hand, and how young he truly is. “Prince Mamoru is the heir to the throne, isn’t he?”, Y/N said, and they nodded, Mamoru showing a wide smile on his face. “I hear your baby brother is too?”, Misaki asked, and Y/N hesitantly nodded. “Tentatively.”, she added as they nodded. “Mamoru is still young and has a long way to go. He wouldn’t be the heir if someone shaped himself up.”, Airi added, and the three siblings hushed her as she lightly bowed. “Someone?”, Y/N asked. “No one. I’m sorry, let’s continue the tour.”.

Throughout the whole day, Y/N had meals with the grandchildren, did some entertaining activities, and during dinner, there was a performance by some local artists. She barely had enough time to sneak around, neither did she know where to go in the first place. She was thinking that maybe the library would have some texts, but she didn’t know where it was located.

It’s now nighttime, Y/N was lying down on her bed, wearing her long, white, satin nightgown as she twisted her hair around her finger, staring at the ceiling. She was waiting for everyone to fall quiet and asleep so that maybe she could look for the library then, but throughout Y/N’s stay in the palace, she’s been hearing whispers here and there. No, it wasn’t some ghostly whisper, rather they were gossips from the maids and stewards. She could hear them talk in the hallways from her room.

She sat up from her bed and walked over to the door to press her ear on it to hear what they were talking about. “He hasn’t been home in a week!”. “I hear he’s doing it again.”. “Oh goodness, when will he stop?”. “He’s such a disgrace.”. “He really lives up to his title as the rogue prince, huh.”.

Y/N began to become curious. Curious to know what they were talking about and curious to know who this rogue prince was. Then suddenly, chattering stopped, and frantic footsteps filled the hallways. Y/N slowly opened the door, peeking to see maids running around as if there was an emergency. Then, she let her whole-body slip through as each maid that passed by bowed to her.

Then, she spotted Kiera calmly walking by with a glass of milk for Y/N. “Kiera,”, she summoned a maid as she bowed to her. “Yes, Princess Y/N.”. “What is with all the maids panicking?”, she asked, as the maid looked down, “I’m deeply sorry, Princess Y/N, did they disturb you?”. “No, no. Not at all. I am just a little bit curious.”, she said. “Oh, well, I’m not quite sure as to why there is such a ruckus, but I have heard something about a rogue prince.”, she informed her.

Y/N’s eyes widened as she quickly ran back in to slip on a robe and run back out into the hallways. “Princess Y/N!!”, Kiera placed the glass of milk down on a table and frantically ran after her. “Who is he? Who is he? Who is he?”, it repeated in her mind as she made her way to the indoor balcony, overlooking the entrance of the palace. She leaned on the polished wooden railing and looked down at the doorway. As the maids quickly turned to walk away from the entrance, a man entered, shuffling sluggishly like he had either a few drinks, or he was tired. Or maybe both.

He was wearing a sweatshirt, his hands in his outerwear’s pocket. He was wearing sweatpants, sneakers, and his hair was dark brown and ruffled. Then at that split moment, he looked up, showing his face, as their eyes met. They were these beautiful dark brown orbs; his eyes were gorgeous. They were warm, they were welcoming, they were open—she saw through them. His nose was tall, his lips looked soft and pink, his skin looked flawless aside from the bags under his eyes and some dirt and dust on either of his cheeks. He looked… handsome.

Suddenly, all the different sounds surrounding them fell mute in their ears. They couldn’t hear a single footstep, not a single clock ticking, nor a door creaking; nothing. To them, it felt like all they could hear were each other’s heartbeats. Synchronized, fast, and thumping hard. One couldn’t explain what was happening, but they were certainly amazed. The corner of her lips started to curve into a light smile.

“So this… is the Rogue Prince?”

#yamada ryosuke #ryosuke yamada #Hey! Say! JUMP #hey say jump #Hey! say! 7 #hey say 7 #yamada ryo #yama-chan #yamada ryosuke fanfiction #ryosuke yamada fanfiction #fanfiction #Rogue and Reigning #Rogue and Reigning: Chapter I #Rogue and Reigning Chapter I #Rogue and Reigning Chapter 1

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cakethatisfriendly · 6 years

Text

duo85 Questions Game | answer about yourself and tag 20 others. Tagged by: @rosebadwolf1000

Last

Drink - Peppermint tea w/splash of milk

Phone call - Some nurse called me to remind Susan about her doctors appointment (I legit know know Susans what kind of night vale shit is this)

Text message - my friend that wanted me to play fortnite w/her

Song you listened to - Neptune - Sleeping at last (please listen to this i love it so much)

Ever:

Dated someone twice - why would i date someone i ended things with???

Kissed someone and regretted it - *muffled ace laughter as i eat cake*

Been cheated on - nah

Lost someone special - you know it

Gotten drunk and thrown up - not yet

Fave Colours - every shade of teal and pastels are the shit

In the last year have you:

Made new friends - like 2017 or 18? 17 i made some very important friends. this year i havent made any

Fallen out of love - not really??

Laughed until you cried - yeh

Found out someone was talking about you - im a hot topic ;p

Met someone who changed you - yes

Found out who your friends are - i have 5 close ones outside of family

Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - couldnt bring myself to which is why i broke it off

General:

How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life - all of them, facebooks a bit too personal for me to add random people

Do you have any pets - 4 pups that i love almost equally, a guinea pig, and a rat

Do you want to change your name - not really, my names not that common but when people glance at it they usually get it wrong which i find funny

What did you do for your last birthday - went to see Incredibles 2 and had a Kringle for the first time

What were you doing last night at midnight - i was gonna say fortnite but i actually passed out before 11

What is something you can’t wait for - motivation

What are you listening to right now - a letsplay and now a podcast

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - i lived with a tommy until my 16th birthday when he freaked out and smashed our toaster

Something that gets on your nerves - gay/racial slurs and misogynist comments from my brothers and that NO ONE puts the kitchen towel back whERE IT BELONGS

Most visited website - webtoons probably

Hair colour - i got it redyed actually

Long or short hair - short

What do you like about yourself - i can bake

Want any piercings - dunno, i have my left ear pierced twice and my right once but a eyebrow piercing would be cool maybe

Blood type - only vampires ask questions like that who sent you

Nicknames - Dad, Natsuki, Cessie/Cessa (my brothers gave that to me when they were babies. my moms the only one that calls me that sometimes)

Relationship status - nah

Zodiac sign - Cancer

Pronouns - she/her/dude/bro/daddy

Fave TV shows - Vol...tron?

Tattoos - small heart on my hip

Right or left handed - right

Ever had surgery - tonsils

Piercings - yall just need to hit your goal at this point

Sports - competitive procrastiation

Vacation - like my dream vacation? im going to italy next year but japan or Hawaii would be super cool

Trainers - like pokemon or the UK version of what shoes are called?

More General:

Eating - its 12am dont remind me of food

Drinking - twelve. a. m.

I’m about to watch - listen to another Misfits podcast

Waiting for - the next anime con im planning on going to (daisho!)

Want - to improve my art skills and get better at perspectives

Get married - maybe one day, gotta find a low-energy people i can jive with until we die

Career - i want to own my own business and sell macaroons and normal things like chocolate chip cookies and muffins

Hugs or kisses - i platonically kiss a bunch of my friends on the cheeks/top of heads but hugs are a better bonding thing i think so hugs all the way

Lips or eyes - light colored eyes, i want to bottle my favorite eyes up in jars and keep them on a shelf

Shorter or taller - who made this?? i wish i was a few inches shorter for cosplay purposes but im happy with how tall i am otherwise

Older or younger - like... is this for a SO or something?? is this a build-a-people because its all about how they act. im hella immature at times but then i act +5 years my age so

Nice arms or stomach - .....................what kind of kinky shit is this

Hookup or relationship - some large part of me wants to be the type of person that just dates whoever im attracted to and move onto the next person after a good amount of time and leave them with that “lost summer lover” feeling whenever they think of me but im not confident enough for that. Oh, relationship. a relationship would be ideal

Troublemaker or hesitant - mix of both, depends on what my chaotic level is and if my social anxiety isnt acting up

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger - dont want mono

Drank hard liquor - heheheheee

Lost glasses - nope, havent even misplaced them for a few minutes

Turned someone down - nope

Sex on first date - hahahaahahhah i couldnt even bring myself to peck him on the lips

Broken someone’s heart - yup but he started some shit so i dont feel bad anymore

Had your heart broken - yeah

Been arrested - they cant catch me

Cried when someone died - i dont really cry at funerals because im broken apparently, but ive cried at animals dying

Fallen for a friend - infatuations that last until i find a flaw and then i HOLD ONTO THAT FLAW AND NEVER LET IT GO

Do you believe in:

Yourself - maybe, let me ask

Miracles - yeh

Love at first sight - thatd be pretty cool

Kiss on first date - nope

Angels - yeh

Other:

Best friend’s name - Brianna

Eye colour - brown

Fave movie - umm...

Favourite actor - im in love with pidges VA, bex taylor-klaus rn. but micheal jones is my favorite

Favourite food - waffles with a side dish of spaghetti (i got this once at a restaurant and it was the best day of my life)

Extrovert or introvert - introvert

Favourite flower - yes

Favourite Hello Kitty character - the bunny? melody i think her name is? i dont remember any other characters

20 friends? i dont have that many are you crazy???? okay get ready for some people that have literally never heard of me as i scroll through my following list

@placesoftimeandspace <3 @littlehypno @lafiska @ali3ken @abd-illustrates @scotchtapeofficial @everydaylouie @i-am-a-fish @ikimaru @emesbii @duoachievement @nathalyryder @konoira @piwiskiwi @veykun @theodd1sout @kayroos-art @officialah (i want to see yall do this actually) @floatingmegane-san @samijen

imverysorry

#idk wat this is #copy+paste #i think?#idk what im doing #post

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throwawayblog-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Dirk @prettyboypng or mod jas @gbptboys is a pedophile and manipulative

@prettyboypng other URLs he’s used include aroacehawkeye, planet-eater, dyscalculiacdonnie, officialbrobot, ocpdmaxie, bipolardirk, deadglitchkid, circuitsbreaker, swordself, deadmettaton, soulrxsonance, chipotanakni, and shadeslayer

i’ve included specific warnings in front of paragraphs and receipts, but global cws for suicide baiting, emotional abuse, csa, pedophilia, and child porn solicitation.

whether you read this or not, i would strongly recommend blocking and staying far away from dirk if you’re a minor.

uhh, i’ve never made one of these things before. i am writing this post because he’s continually managed to brush his actions off and manipulate how people perceive him so he just seems like a victim of unfortunate friend drama, and with the content of his actual actions, i find this frankly really fucking disturbing and i don’t want other people to be hurt or taken advantage of by him. I’m tired of him escaping accountability.

i’ll split this into two parts. the account concerning csa will be first, and then i’ll be adding mine and other’s experiences with him below.

#child porn cw #pedophilia cw #csa cw this section will address csa and child porn solicitation

so this doesnt come from me, but from a minor who had been friends with dirk for a while and recently began suspecting they’d been sexually abused by him. i’ve been asked to rewrite what they told me in my own words and keep it totally anonymous in the interest of their comfort and safety, so i’ll be replacing any mentions of their name with lark.

lark mentioned that when they first met dirk they admired and idolized him and made that very apparent to him, and also that they dont ever remember being excessively complimented and praised by him like most everyone else was (i describe this happening below), which they believe is evidence of emotional manipulation and not just a coincidence.

lark confided in me that, despite how immediately beforehand dirk would ask lark if they were a minor and they would say yes, he talked to them about intensely personal nsfw subjects, such as masturbation, and his sexual desires. he would also express frustration when lark would mention having a crush on anyone but dirk, even though dirk shouldn’t have any reason to want a minor to be interested in him, even jokingly. he did this after he had turned 18, and while knowing that lark was a minor having literally just asked them himself, as if that absolves him of any fucking responsibility.

lark also recalled another incident where they and a friend (who was an older minor at the time) got onto the subject of drugs, alcohol, and nudes and other sexual pictures while in a conversation with dirk. their friend sent a suggestive picture of themself, and dirk sent one that he’d accidentally taken while taking photos for his nsfw blog (which lark stressed they and their friend ended up having access to, something that dirk brushed off because it was a ‘cool URL’). it eventually culminated in lark feeling pressured to send a suggestive photo of their own, which dirk did nothing to stop beyond reverse-psychological platitudes like “dont feel pressured to just because we’re doing it”. dirk did nothing to tell lark or their friend “hey maybe dont send sexual pictures of your bodies to me, because theres no reason that i would want to encourage that sort of thing as an 18 year old adult man, unless i’m a fucking predator.”

i understand this is a very serious thing to be presenting especially without receipts, but i’m an adult and wouldn’t feel comfortable handling receipts of that nature because it concerns sexual events with a minor, and warning people about dirk while maintaining anonymity is really important to lark.

this section will address emotional manipulation and bullying, specifically concerning me and my wife @gendfleur

i should start by saying that i don’t have many receipts for my own claims about him because i don’t have access to all of his old blogs where some of the worst of the posts were, and i’ve also changed computers so i can’t grab any of our old Skype logs. i’m conscious of how this might make people even more critical of my claims, and so i’ve taken care to remember as much as i can and to be as detailed as possible with the receipts i do have.

some brief background about my friendship with him: we met in september 2014 through a homestuck fictionkin skype group, and were close until june 2015, when i cut off our friendship. rose had been qpps with him since before the network was made, and they broke up in december 2015.

towards the latter half of our friendship he started flipping between showering me in positive attention and then ignoring me cold shoulder, which was kind of a red flag for what was about to happen.

dirk has a habit of giving people excessive praise and admiration often in public tumblr posts, making them feel special and wanted, and then making extreme emotional demands and using passive-aggressive bullying tactics, such as deliberate ignoring and vagueposting, to manipulate his friends into complying with them. he’s done this in private with almost everyone i know who has experience with him, and he’s also done this publicly with his mutuals in the past.

example posts of this from his old blog @circuitsbreaker, plus transcripts:

http://archive.is/qnrRl

[sorry i know you guys don’’t care i'l geta round to replying to the nice replies i got earlier later okay]

http://archive.is/fD6F3

[*keeps refreshign to see if someone wil lsay “no i care!”* *nothing* okay]

http://archive.is/3znpI

[mkay yall will get Up in Arms when i make a joke abt a dairy product but when i have my posts tagged #like/reply if u read# or im asking for help or posting about something thats important to me yall drop off the face of the blogosphere……. alright]

http://archive.is/hqHC5

[nobody cares about me and nobody cares about what i say and nobody cares about things that are important to me and nobody listens to me anyway and nobody cares about me !! haha nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

http://archive.is/0ronD

[i really am leaving i was jsut saying gn to rose but js Proof most everonye deosnt actually cae: really big difference on notes on my post saying no one cares and then on all my other posts. yall just dont want me to be Sad well heres a thing u can prevent it by Liking my Posts if you Read them like i have In the Tags now! conveicneit right. whatever]

and because these posts are a little old (the most recent of those was january 27 2015) here’s an example from a more recent blog of his, @soulrxsonance, proving that even half a year later (this was posted august 25 2015) with less frequent guilt-trip posts, he hadn’t actually changed his behaviour

#self harm cw http://archive.is/XECIx

[thanks like, the one personwho said anything to glaceon (note: a system member of his) when she asked for thanks for stopping me from self hamring,thaks everyone else for not,caring,atall,thanks,the intrents abotut o be turned off so bye]

wrt me specifically, i’m schizophrenic and autistic so social interaction is really exhausting. this is something i made very obvious by talking about it casually around him and in tumblr posts that he could see, but despite that he went out of his way to make me feel shitty for not being able to live up to his demands (they were random and hard to discern because he would never be straightforward about it but usually if i failed to be present for his breakdowns, like all his posts, tell him frequently that i loved him, talk to him whenever i had free time, or other exhausting bullshit then he would start the guilt-tripping), and often in a very roundabout way through vagueposting and ignoring me, which he would also get increasingly frustrated at me for not understanding... despite the fact that i’m...... schizo and autistic, so i’m shit at understanding social subtleties and hidden messages in peoples behaviour. i have no doubts that he understood this about me also, and yet he did nothing to de-escalate his behaviour.

one clear example of this that i can remember but can’t find a receipt for is when he was having a meltdown on tumblr and was asking for people to tell him they loved him, but after it was over he confessed it was just because he was trying to get someone specific to say it, who he was afraid didnt like him as a friend anymore. this was really obviously about me, because it was around the end of our friendship when he was already namedropping me when he thought i wasnt online like ‘i dont think cerb cares about me anymore’ (which is relatively innocuous but when aggregated with everything else he did, really goddamn bothered me)

another example i remember is when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian after id’ng as a trans guy for the entirety of my friendship with him up to that point. i came out through a post on my blog and stated that i’d had to contest with internalized trauma and abuse to get to a point where i could admit i was lesbian, and he vagued about this later on, saying roughly ”a lot of my friends who used to be trans dudes have been coming out as nonbinary girls lately and it makes me feel like my boyness might be fake too”. i understand that he’s also trans and so i can imagine the thought process behind making a post like that, but i still found that incredibly insensitive and maybe even borderline misogynistic of him.

being friends with dirk was making me suicidal because of the stress of his manipulation (and at this point, trying to interact with him when i was able seemed to be fruitless because he would usually ignore me anyway). so, one night in june 2015 i sent a very diplomatic message to him saying, in essence, “i love you but this isnt healthy for the both of us, and im sorry if im misreading but i think this is for the best”, and then deleted him and unfollowed him.

this is where i remember things getting really, really scummy and panick-inducing for me, because he started vagueing and namedropping me even more frequently, on his public blog for all his friends and my friends to see. i dont know the real extent of this because it seems he deleted certain posts at some point and i was never interested in checking his blog to see for myself back then, but i had mutual mutuals coming to me for months, telling me that he was running his shit off saying something vicious about me.

an example of this (i know this is kin drama lol, and i want to emphasize that i’m aware dragging petty kin drama into posts like these is usually frowned upon, but what i’m focusing on here is how wildly he blows me just fucking finding a kintype out of proportion and the fact that i only talked about this on my blog after i cut him off, strongly implying that 1) he was stalking my blog 2) he was getting someone else to stalk my blog or 3) someone following me was relaying info about me to him for kicks)

http://archive.is/0s9QJ

[tfw someone who told you you couldnt be friends with them anymore is now kin of yourere favorite fucking pokemon thats also incredibly personallyyl important to you because it reminds you of good parts of your childhood and of good memories of your family an firneds and its just a really personal thing and now it FUCKGGKKNGNG RIUIIENEND OFOOFOOFREVVVVVVVVVVVEER]

here’s a statement by @comorbird, a good friend of mine who was also mutuals with dirk and had access to his vent blog after i deleted him

#death wish cw #stalking cw

it kind of speaks for itself. this also proves my suspicions that he stalked my blog.

like, i get being upset over losing a friend. i’d understand it if, instead he vented about it in private.

but the fact that i knew he berated me openly, on his public blog for all our friends and mutuals to see, was fucking humiliating, triggered my paranoia very badly, and kept me on edge for months. i’m still appalled that he would do that instead of at the very least keeping it to private conversations, especially since he knew that i’m schizophrenic and that i struggle with paranoid delusions and that sort of shit. and even then, wishing someone who very politely distanced themselves from you was dead and stalking their blog is a ridiculous, extreme reaction to have.

rose was part of our friend group, and shie had been dirk’s qpp since before i knew them both. in the latter half of dirk and i’s friendship, hyr and i became pretty close, at some point even admitting we’d developed crushes on each other. in our talk about this (probably sometime in april or march 2015?) rose told me, roughly in hyr words “i’d totally be down for romantic dating but dirk gets jealous really easily so i’m afraid of broaching the subject with him. maybe sometime in the future though.” eventually rose came to realize that this was evidence that shie felt like dirk was controlling hyr romantic life despite them only being platonic partners, and we said fuck it and started dating in august 2015, after i stopped being friends wtih him just to clarify.

dirk noticed that we stayed close after i cut him off, and he unapologetically guilted rose for being friends with me and then eventually for dating me, bringing up how much he hated me in front of hyr and expecting hyr to go along with it, and getting very frustrated when shie would defend me or shy away from the topic. this had a really negative affect on hyr for a long time, forcing hyr into meltdowns and making hyr suicidal to the point of being institutionalized involuntarily around july or august 2015, and he did nothing to stop himself or tend to hyr hurt feelings. shie felt like shie couldn’t publicly talk about me lest shie would make him upset, while i was genuinely suffering panic attacks whenever i saw him on my dash.

so like i mentioned, rose was institutionalized against hyr will, and as this was happening dirk decided it would be a great time to contact me in an effort to... reconcile for rose’s sake, i guess. i don’t doubt he only decided to do so at that point to escape possible accountability for allowing the situation to boil over like that, and so he could safely make me feel like shit in a situation where i was under tremendous pressure to just smooth things over, especially since he brought in a friend of his to 'mediate’ or whatever (not their fault, i totally blame him for that). for the whole time he just told me how shitty he felt for me to “cut him off so suddenly”, how it “fucked him up”, that “he couldn’t really trust anyone after that” - and when i asked if i could also unload, he refused on the grounds that it would “just make him angry again and ruin his mood”.

rose has also confided in me countless times about the endless emotional demands he made on hyr, and the vicious guilt-tripping he would subject hyr to when shie couldn’t meet them. shie is also very mentally ill and was struggling a lot at this point in hyr life with being homeless and going in and out of inpatient care.

it’s also important to mention that dirk called both rose and i his “dependeds” (a term for people with dpd to refer to specific people they tend to rely on emotionally more than others), and he used that as a tactic to turn us into objects with no needs of our own, and to force us to feel morally responsible for him. this was something he dropped on me with no warning a couple months before i cut things off, and to be forced into that kind of responsibility without even asking me if it was okay made me very uncomfortable. i’m not blaming him for having dpd or saying all people with dpd are like that, but it was just another thing he specifically did.

i do have some receipts for what i described above.

these are some examples of him vagueing about rose on tumblr, which i feel demonstrate some of the guilt-tripping tactics he used, making sure that rose would come back to his blog and see how badly he was doing when shie couldn’t be there.

http://archive.is/IKY2k

[nattt (note: a nickname dirk had for rose) isn t onlune i skyed fleur (note: old pronouns rose used to use) when i s=woke up and fleur hasnt responded pelase goet back online so i ew can wtchsomething]

http://archive.is/75VVb

[lms if yo u like me more than you like horizon (note: an alternate name that rose uses) edit.// and dontnn fucking lie to make me feel better]

http://archive.is/Lar3j

[“hm wow my depended isnt here and idk when fleurs coming back so i guess i better throw myself into listening to aesthetic and/or angsty indie bands and only caring about that” - me, apparenalty,]

http://archive.is/po2Cn

[i know im fukkincg pathetic i know im a huge fucking loser for not doing anyhting like this earlier and i know im gonna be in the club with people who have been fucking doing this since like middle shcool or some shit!!!! jsut tell me if i should go to the meeting or not ffuckkginf my dpended is unreachable ust fukcing tell me what to do please thankss]

this chain of posts is specifically about times when rose was in the hospital, which goes to show how goddamn classy he is for using hyr suicide attempts to make hyr feel like shit

#overdose cw http://archive.is/nMGV4

[the last tiem the ac went out rose fucking ovserdosed so im (:]

#suicide cw http://archive.is/duyCL

[LIk e last time fleur was ther e for fuckkkign 2 weeks or a month o r something and we called each other nearly every day and i stil lwanted to fucking kms adn now its been like a week minus the weekend and i havent heard a fucking wor d and idk if fleurs okay or if fleurs staying longer or if fleur thinks im mad or if fleurs mad at me or fi fleur doesnt want to talk to me or hates me or is leaving me o r if fleurs calling someoen elese nstead of me or if fleur s even fc uk kign A l i v e anymore and its tearing me up. thats meant to be tering like tearing paper not taering like crying]

http://archive.is/jKwGV

[i keep having dreams that fleur will just pop up in the group chat im in with fleur, replying to smth, with no explanation, no hello, no hey im back, and ill be like “woah woah woah,, are you back? is that u?” and fleurs like yeah ofc and im like “ur really here right, its not a Dream,” and fleurs like “no im really back!!!” and im like “im not gona wake up and u wont be htere right” an d fleurs like no dw omf but. here we fucking are.]

http://archive.is/1pPmq

[i bet rose hmfucking hates me and doesnt ever want to talk to me again or doesnt care about me at all its either that or fkeurs Afuckign DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

these posts are from after they broke up, but also show how guilt-trippy he was

http://archive.is/61QZf

[fleur didnt “see me in fleur life anymore really :/” and then when i shut down and fleur asked to break up and i said fine fleur was all relieved bc fleur was worried abt my reaction like 1. i guess im that fucking pathetic and predicatlbe and fucjckkdfnknlsd fscc d tht fleur just knows im gonna flip out and was already scared to talk to me bc of it Lol 2. ii fucking was already broken up w fleur ever since fleur said fleur didnt see me in fleur life anymore but didnt want to brekau p uwu like what the fuck does that mean who says that everyone i lvoe is just going t o fuckingn tlel me they dont see me in their life none of them really do rn anyywaso]

#gore text cw #neck trauma cw http://archive.is/ilXdx

[idk i just idk fleur cares so much for hym and i cant do it it makes me want to cut my throat open and i dont even care about fleur anymore but im still upset about it i just cant do it im gonna take out my contacts and have a big cryfest]

these are examples of him playing the victim wrt to me cutting him off

http://archive.is/L9VFF

[no wonder he cut me off i deserved it i deserve all bad thigns i m such an annoying piece of shit im surprised he was even friends with me in the first place no wonder he cut me off im horrivle and annoying and more work than im worth no wonder they left me im not worth it im not worth anything no wonder fleur didnt fight for me or take my side or care at all im not worth it i dont deserve anything]

http://archive.is/uRTlR

[i thought i was one of hys closest friends but he cut me off like i was nothing and no one even fucking knew he did it until i told them he did. also fleur fucking knew that he was planning on doing it and didnt say a word to me this entire time until months after when i was having yet another massive breakdown about it so glad to know i mean absolutely nothing to the people who i see as literally the most important people in my life and that my not being in their life doesnt effect them at all and they dont even care to tell me when theyre talking about me behind my back about how annoying i am and how one of them is going to leave me in the dust]

http://archive.is/yKvpZ (it’s pretty long so i’ll just paste some choice bits)

[because of one of my past close friendships im fucking terrified everyone whos important to me is actually just planning on and thinking about how/if they should abandon me.] [mm fuffkkcinng iim so sfucked up over this honestly it was suppsoed to be ““““““““the best dcisisiong uuwuuwuwu” or sommemthing and its fucking ruining my life i cant thin k and i cant talk to anyone and i cant not talk to anynoen] [and i dont ahve any sort of reason to know or think or beleive that this wont happen because that ther person was thinking about it for fucking weeks and weeks] [fucking weeks and weeks of planning on leaving me and pretending everyhting was fine, of me thinking we were friends! of me trusting that person! of caring! i cant fucking trust anyone and that person doing that literally just prved it]

http://archive.is/QEIH2

[i dont even remember how long ago that happened honestly . its just kind of melting into “last month” the same way missioui is just “last year” #adn im fucking reliving it over constantly just like missouri how great! the 'clean break' systme really fucking works doesnt it! really fuc]

#suicide baiting cw for this last paragraph. eventually rose and dirk broke up around december 2015 (idr exactly) and then he blocked hyr unceremoniously, and it was at this point that rose went to his vent blog to unfollow it and saw a post that said, roughly “i hope cerb fucking kills hymself and that rose is devastated about it”. i don’t have a receipt for this because he’s since changed the url of the blog or deleted it altogether. it’s not all that surprising to me anymore anyway, with what i learned from sid telling me that he wished death on me pretty frequently.

that’s the end, i guess. if you have any questions i can try to answer to the best of my ability, i’m doing my best to be honest and transparent about this so i’m happy to clear up any confusion. please block dirk for your own safety, especially if you’re a minor.

#ok to reblog

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foursproutlove-blog · 6 years

Text

The Oral Sex Gap Is Real And I’m Not OK With It

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/love/the-oral-sex-gap-is-real-and-im-not-ok-with-it/

The Oral Sex Gap Is Real And I’m Not OK With It

What does a woman have to do around here to get some head?

I’ve been in relationships almost exclusively since I was a teenager, and, until recently, had only ever slept with the men I’d been dating. I’ve since had a foray into the hellish casual dating game, and I’ve observed a phenomenon which makes the sex-positive part of me absolutely livid.

Women are basically expected to give a blow-job, but the chances of the favor being returned are slim at best.

Looking back, it’s something I (and countless other women) have experienced time and time again.

I can barely remember my first couple of high-school boyfriends offering to go ‘downtown’ at all, but I’ve always excused them because we were bumbling teens who were still so inexperienced and young, both learning about sex as we went, so I never held it against them.

My first partner as an adult never went down on me, except maybe a handful of times when we first got together, but he expected a blow-job every time we had sex, and almost daily as a rule. Upon reflection, he was a misogynistic asshole, and so I concluded this was why he never offered to return the favor.

My next boyfriend was much more even-handed with the oral sex. While the numbers still skewed in his favor (mainly because I actually enjoy giving head so much I’d regularly offer to give him one as it got me off as well), it still was in no way equal.

And don’t even get me started on how unfair casual hook-ups are with giving oral sex. In the seven month period I was playing the field and had a friends-with-benefits arrangement, I could literally count the number of times I was attended to on one hand, and I don’t have enough fingers or toes to represent how many times I was gently encouraged to go down on him.

Which is fine, and I’m not complaining about having to give a blow-job or two, but it’s the unfairness of the arrangement which really makes me frustrated.

In a study from The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, it was recorded that while over 63 percent of men recorded receiving oral sex as part of their last sexual encounter, the number sat at around 40 percent for women.

The same study also found that overall, between men and women, oral sex was far more pleasurable if given by a long-term partner in a committed relationship – sorry, single friends.

An informal poll of my closest girlfriends confirms there is definitely an oral sex gender gap. The girls in relationships say it goes both ways, but they definitely give more than they receive.

The ones who are single basically laughed in my face when I asked if they were getting an acceptable amount of oral sex.

“Unless I literally beg for it, guys avoid going down there with their tongue as if it’s going to kill them,” one of them told me.

Another went into more detail about why she thinks there is a bit of a gap. “When I hook-up with guys and they do go down on me, I’ve never orgasmed. I think it’s because I spend the whole time worrying about what they think of my pink bits and so I can’t completely relax because ultimately, they’re strangers and I’m not totally comfortable.”

She hits at the crux of the issue.

So many women are too worried about whether they smell alright, what they taste like down there or what someone might think of their vagina, that even when men do want to give a woman oral sex, she can’t completely relax and just enjoy herself. But it would be very rare indeed to come across a guy who was worried about the same if a blowjob was on the agenda.

Unfortunately, if you’re a woman, chances are you grew up being told that part of your body was, in some way or another, defective or not good enough. We have to live up to insane beauty standards which dictate that every part of our bodies must be perfect, and if it isn’t, we have to fix it. And our vaginas don’t get a free pass on this intense shaming and these insane standards.

It has to be hairless, but free from ingrown hairs. It must come in pretty, neat packages even though in reality, every vulva is different. Even though it’s basically impossible, there should be zero scent to the female genitalia at all, and ideally, it should taste phenomenal.

If your own personal private parts are any deviation from this mystical perfect vagina, you’d better feel terrible about it.

The constant shaming of women’s bodies is extremely damaging, not only for self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence but in forming intimate relationships as well.

I’ve had friends who have been in long-term relationships who have never let their boyfriends see them naked. And I mean, three years in and they’d never seen all of their girlfriends uncovered at the same time, because they were terrified they weren’t perfect enough.

No wonder women have deep-rooted insecurities about their vaginas.

I know that once I entered the dating scene, the fact that men seemingly avoided giving oral at all costs made me question whether everything was okay downstairs. And I’ve since come to the conclusion that more guys should be going down on women.

While closing the oral sex gap won’t really cure the constant and ever-present criticism of the female form, it might work to make things a little bit easier. Or at least, more women would be having orgasms, and that’s the world I want to live in.

And then, there’s the sexist inequality issue. The one thing about the oral sex exchange which causes the little feminist inside me to scream with pure, fire-and-brimstone rage.

A lot of guys are just selfish.

Maybe some men just don’t enjoy giving oral sex, the same way I know several gals who hate giving blowjobs.

And look, I understand that everyone has a preference, and if a guy tells me he doesn’t like going downtown, it’s absolutely fine by me. Sex must be consensual, and if he doesn’t want to do something, that decision has to be respected. No questions asked.

Problems arise, however, when five minutes after confessing this fact, he is pushing my head towards his crotch and expecting me to service him with my mouth.

The key word here is expecting.

If a guy I was seeing told me he didn’t enjoy going down on a girl, I’d probably still go down on him, just for fun.

But if he told me he wouldn’t be going down on me but would be expecting a blowjob, no negotiations, do not pass go, no chance of reciprocation, oh boy, you’d better believe I have an issue with that level of sexual hypocrisy.

These kinds of guys are everywhere.

One of these holier-than-thou men wrote a ‘think piece’ on why he, as a straight man, hated going down on women, listing off a bunch of different justifications for his decision – the smell, the taste, his personal revulsion at the apparent unappealing look of a vulva and the uncomfortable position oral sex forces him into – before finishing his article with, quite disgustingly, “to me blowjobs are a fundamental part of the sexual intercourse game.”

Hold up, mate. I have a problem with your incredibly selfish views on sex. Not to mention every word he wrote is a direct play-by-play of the concerns which scare women out of being able to enjoy oral sex in the first place.

Does he honestly think dicks smell like roses? Does he believe the taste of a penis or semen is like a delicious chocolate cake? Any woman who has received an unexpected dick pic to her phone can attest to the fact the male genitalia isn’t exactly a Van Gogh painting to look at, and sucking a dick isn’t exactly ‘comfortable’.

Oh, your neck gets sore when you’re between my legs? I’m so sorry! Now, please thrust your manhood into the back of my throat so hard it leaves a bruise, and don’t even worry about massaging my neck after I’ve been bobbing my head up and down for 10 minutes…

And of course, these kinds of men are highly unlikely to show any sort of consideration for the comfort of the woman they want to have orally attending to their manhood, while the same woman would have spent at least 30 minutes freshening up down there and internally freaking out about his comfort if he was going to head downtown with his tongue.

And while some people have a preference and may not enjoy oral sex, to demand your sexual partner perform the act on you if you’re not going to do the same is just selfish. And you, sir, do not deserve the pleasure my mouth can bring you.

So how about men and women agree to take a few wonderful steps towards sexual equality. The world is a better place when everyone is having orgasms, so unless oral sex isn’t your thing, we should all be putting our heads between some thighs more often.

And for the love of all that is sexual and equal, don’t demand oral sex if you’re not going to return the favor. It’s just polite.

Kassi Klower is a passionate and opinionated tea-drinker and cat-lover. She’s a proud feminist who is always sleepy, loves politics and lives for writing about social justice issues. Follow Kassi on Twitter and Facebook.

This originally appeared on SHESAID. Republished here with permission.

The post The Oral Sex Gap Is Real And I’m Not OK With It appeared first on Role Reboot.

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